#bc this got super long and i could 100% keep talking

[bitegore]

do you yet know whether you won at accountancy? I have the impression that the exams are over, and that the bit in which the ranked list gets posted on the senate gate is a little quicker these days, but I may of course be wrong...

I did an exceedingly mediocre job at accountancy, but that works for my purposes (getting a passing grade in the class so I can get a minor). The exam period formally ends in a couple more days and then the final grades are due at i think the end of next week, so I won't find out officially what I got until then, but asit all stands I should wind up with an 87 overall grade (mostly brought down by my abysmal final exam which i took with a terrible migraine and got a full 67/100 on lol)

my exams are indeed all over, but only because my professors were nice enough to give all of them on a day that exams technically wern't even meant to be administered so I could get them done faster

[nondualiber]

real useful things i've realized about loa while i was "resting" from tumblr & overconsumption:

• stop gaslighting yourself, make actual change instead. you know when you're not doing it right. if you spiral, get desperate, dwell in the old story... well, i've got some news. -- this might seem obvious but for me it wasn't. i was super desperate, giving like 1 step forward 50 steps back but i still played blind bc i thought that if i just said "oh no but my mindset doesn't matter" that would solve all my problems. damn

• WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. ik EVERYONE says this but omfg. i can NOT stress this enough. actually find what works for you. i used to think that my key (decide once n keep going with my day) was not a "correct" way to do it bc it made "no sense" or wtv, but now i've manifested a lot of things with that method & i'm so proud of myself for doing so :,,) wdym with "works for you"? whatever makes you confident enough to not spiral, to believe you actually have what you want, to not pay attention to the 3d & doesn't make manifesting feel like chore but something that comes naturally for you is the correct way to do it. trust your feelings, your intuition, yourSelf; they don't lie

• work on your manifesting concept, a.k.a trust in law. we talk a lot about "self" concept but not about "manifesting" concept. for me, i (kind of) believed i could manifest, i just didn't believe 100% in law. i still don't, but i've gotten considerably better!! my best tip to build trust in law was to start manifesting things that were "easier", more archivable, but not happening on a daily basis so i'd know if it was my manifestation turned reality

• stop consuming. not over-consuming but just consuming, literally. don't read neville, don't open tumblr, don't listen to edward nor any other coach! again, this one was obvious to everyone but me. trust me, you already know everything you need. "but i actually put in practice what i read!" yeah, but which one? you read 100 methods everyday. consuming is thinking from the 3d, and long-term it will demotivate you. trust me

• and last one, forget about deadlines. "when will i have it?" now. "where?" here. now and here. keep that mindset, and tbh in one week it'll be done

[lovebugism]

☄. *. ⋆ ┄ How The Gang™ Eats Pussy !

summary: the title is pretty self-explanatory, don't ya think? pairing: the gang™ / f!reader warnings: oral sex (r!receiving) 18+ mdni! a/n: uhh.. happy new year! what better way to start of 2023 than some good ol' fashioned smut? it's been a long time since i've posted any of my writing here so pls be gentle i'm literally so sensitive (but if you have any thoughts or requests feel free to send them here!)

steve !

he’s so so desperate to please

it stems from his reputation as king steve™ i think

like he wants to prove himself so bad even though you’re already head over heels for him

he’s constantly checking in on you

asking you if like it and if he’s doing alright

so when you say yes (because you will say yes) he redoubles his effort

he’s a total sucker for praise

it’s also totally on brand that he’s exponentially good at it

it almost makes you jealous because you’re like how many times have you done this????

but he makes you feel so good you don’t even care

it only takes a couple of times before he’s completely in tune with your body

he always starts off slow and teasing

wants to wind you up until you snap

he knows exactly where to touch you to wring your orgasm out of you

and it comes so gut-wrenchingly slow before hitting you all at once

he’s definitely the kind of guy who’ll talk you through it

“yep, there it is. c’mon, cum for me, you can do it. come on, show me how good you can be. uh-huh. thaaat’s my girl”

he makes you come so hard you cry

and he moans with his mouth on you

because he gets off getting you off

loves getting on his knees for you

and having one of your legs folded over his shoulder

so he can pull you closer by your ass

gets so into it that he won’t stop until you make him

like you have to physically pull him up by his hair

definitely a chronic hand holder™

he’ll have you on your back with his face sandwiched between your thighs

and when your legs start to shake he’ll reach for your hands

“here. hold my hands. let me make you feel good.”

but he won’t let go of you when you come

he’ll keep going as your first orgasm fades into a second, much stronger one

and you can’t stop it or push him away because he’s holding onto your hands

you just have to let it happen and it feels so good

that kind of pleasure you wanna chase and run away from all at once

and after he just smiles up at you with the lower half of his face glistening with you

“see? i knew you could do it.”

eddie !

absolutely loves a woman in charge

would definitely rather you sit on his face and ride his tongue

he’ll make you cum once that way before flipping you over and making you cum again with your legs wrapped around his neck

and he’s so fucking smug 

he’s just smirking the entire time

always wants you to say his name

especially when you cum

keeps eye contact the entire time

will look directly at you while he spits on your pussy

and grins when it makes your eyes roll back in your head

if he’s feeling particularly dominant he’ll stop whenever you look away

“c’mon, look at me, sweetheart. can’t keep going until i see those eyes… there we go.”

he’s a little overeager sometimes

sloppy and aggressive when he gets really into it

sometimes you have to be like “whoa, slow down, tiger. we’ve got all night”

and he just smirks at you like “yeah, we do”

then you’re eating your words because best believe he will go all night

he’s also got a massive praise kink

and loves when you tell him how good you feel

bc he’s not all that experienced

and he likes to know he’s not the Worst at eating pussy

especially if you have more experience bc he wants to be the best for you

and he Will absolutely brag about it to anyone that will hear when you tell him no one’s ever made you cum so hard before 

he’s also super duper vocal

he loves the way you taste and will 100% tell you

pussy spreader supreme™

just loves to take a minute to look at you before ravishing you

and you hate it because you feel so vulnerable

but he’s so obsessed with you “god, you have the prettiest pussy i’ve ever seen”

and he's not even saying it to make you feel good necessarily

he's basically just talking to himself

will smile and laugh like a cheeky little shit when he makes you cum

can be a little bit patronizing but in the eddie munson kinda way

“i thought you said you couldn’t cum again? what happened to that, huh?”

you’ll also have to pull him off of you or else he’ll keep going

he could absolutely eat your pussy for hours if you let him

robin !

definitely has zero experience eating pussy

like maybe she’s tried to learn by watching porn 

but definitely has no idea what she’s doing

she’s a little shy at first and is constantly look to you for reassurance

wants you to tell her what to do

“go down a little bit… a little to the left— yeah, shit, right there”

and once she finds that sweet spot she’ll work at it until you come

she’s super duper gentle at first

but once she gains confidence, good luck

will give you 1000000% when her mouth is on you

like even when her neck starts to hurt from the angle, she will not stop until you cum

she’ll talk a lot and compliment you the entire time

and will say anything that comes to mind no matter how dirty it is

“god, you’re so wet” “you taste so good, i didn’t know a person could taste this good” “you’re pussy is perfect. i honestly didn’t think you could get any prettier”

she doesn’t even know what she’s saying half the time

but it literally drives you crazy

also the sound of her voice is sexy enough to make you cum

and you’re constantly begging her to talk dirty to you

“please, talk to me” you’ll whine

and after the first few times she’ll know what you mean but still play coy

“i am talking to you” she’ll say with an wide eyes all innocent

but yeah she’s more than happy to do it because 1. she can’t shut up to save her life and 2. she knows how quickly it’ll drive you to your breaking point

wants you to pull at her hair and steer her wherever you want her to go and bury her face between your legs

is not against you sitting on her face

even though the idea scares you a little 

like you don’t want to hurt her or break her neck or something

she’s just like “if i die eating your pussy, i will die the happiest woman alive”

and you believe her

nancy !

so in my head she’s, like, freshly out

and hasn’t eaten a girl out before

though she has dreamed about it many, many times

but when she goes down on you, it’s like she’s a professional

bc she’s a perfectionist and can’t ever half-ass anything

she’s 100% tactical and sees it as her goal to make you come

so she’ll throw herself wholly into doing just that

will call your pussy her pussy because yeah

i see her as being a little bit rough too

so there are constantly bruises and crescent-shaped marks left on your thighs and hips from her nails

which she keeps trimmed just so she can finger you <3

there’s biting too because she loves the feeling of your skin between her teeth

won’t do it enough to hurt you per se, just enough to leave a mark

she uses just enough teeth to drive you crazy

sucks your clit into her mouth at the same time she drives her fingers into your g-spot

she’ll also spank directly on your clit to drive you towards another (second, third, fourth?) orgasm

she can get nasty with it if she wants

and will eat you out as a way to get what she wants

if you’re upset at her, she Will go down on you 

partly as an apology but also because she knows you won’t be mad at her after

bc it’s impossible to be after she’s made you cum so hard you can’t feel your legs

i see her more into praising you than you praising her

she’ll compliment you the whole way through

but it’s also a little bit condescending

“oh look at you, always so pretty and wet for me, aren’t you? this is all it takes? just me touching you? seriously?”

and i see her loving to have her hair tugged at

but like also

she doesn’t like to be told what to do

so if you’re pulling her closer to you or trying to pull her away, she’ll definitely punish you

“what did i tell you about touching me, huh? that’s not what good girls do, right? now, i’m gonna make you come and i’m not gonna stop until i see tears. touch me again and you won’t come again for another week, got it?”

maybe i’m just projecting but i can see her definitely having a mommy kink

and still has an air of dominance about her even when she’s making you feel good

she’ll sense you getting close and will command that you cum for her

her voice is so soft and gentle but she isn’t asking you to cum she demanding that you do

and definitely gets off on working your body to its breaking point

[66sharkteeth]

more thoughts (positive for a change)

sorry to keep treating this like a personal journal when most of you are here for CoB content but it remains the 1 place where i feel semi-safe talking about things w/o blasting them to 10k+ people while also having more than 0 people listening

but just feeling a little hopeful for once! i got invited to speak on my 2nd ever panel today. it looks like it's a small convention and it's far too early to know if it'll actually pan out (not even responding today bc im trying to be more strict about giving myself wednesdays off), but it's still just...really cool that i'm actually being recognized as a professional and invited to things.

i still think so much about how when i was like.....12....or something, we had to do one of those like...dream life assignments. and i remember exactly what i said- i wanted to be a mangaka in japan with a studio apartment (yes, i was a very cringy kid. i called my friends -chan and -kun too). then i got older and more realistic. realized i could do art, but never my own project, and yeah, that's what i did for a long time.

yet... here i am now?!! granted, i never moved to japan (which i'm fine w/ lol) and it turns out studio apartments kinda suck and i much prefer a 1 bedroom...but i'm making a living off of that comic i came up w/ in middle school when had 0 concept of reality and how unlikely the chance to do that would be. and... i dunno! for a kind of rare moment, i feel like i can keep doing it (knock on wood)? if it's not obvious by now, i can get kinda doom and gloom about my future (and i wont even think about the industry as a whole w/ AI becoming more of a problem every day), but just for this moment i feel kinda optimistic?

i still have no idea what my future holds with webtoon. I have no idea when I'll have something ready to pitch again or if they'll even take it, but for once I feel like that uncertainty doesn't mean all or nothing. I kinda feel confident for once that even once CoB concludes on Webtoon, I can keep doing this to some capacity, whether that's through another series, physically printing CoB, somehow continuing CoB, I dunno yet. like i dunno. i think i'm just finally having this dawning realization that i am a professional? and other people see me as such? ik, probably a dumb thing to just now be realizing but blah blah, imposter syndrome or something, etc etc.

not sure where i'm going with this but just thank you guys for your support. if you're one of the like 100 people who actually follow me here, tbh you're probably one of my more dedicated readers, so thanks for being part of making this quite literal childhood fantasy dream come true. and shout out to the people actually inviting me to stuff on the super slight chance they actually follow me here. it seriously gave me kind of a reminder that oh yeah, i am a professional and good at this

[memyselfandmya]

Notes on the JWCT Trailer

This will include spoilers and also my possible theories for events that will happen in the show so if you don't want to read that then keep scrolling.

Why is future Brooklynn always shoving her face into cameras?? Fits her character, I guess. In all serious, I love her new design even if it's only for a few seconds, the hair suits her face really well.

ALSO SHE'S DEAD????? I mean I had a feeling that if it were to be one of the campers it be her, but to have it confirmed is insane.

I secretly believe she's not dead and I might make another post about that. Unless we actually see her die I won't believe it.

Darius is never going to escape this guilt and the pressure of being responsible for the lives of others, is he? Give my baby a break.

Also I'm so used to referring to the campers as my babies but now they're grown ass adults that are significantly older than me, like what?

I'm excited to see what's actually going to be on Dark Jurassic bc we know people are tracking dinosaurs but I want to know all of the crazy conspiracies.

Why are they after the campers? That's my biggest question. I truly can't wait to see who's hunting them and why.

AHHH the rest of the campers are 100% confirmed. It was kind of obvious after the leaks and the show description but actually seeing them is making me feel some kind of way.

YASAMMY. As for if Sammy and yaz are still together, that's what I'm interested in. The way Ben was talking, it seems like everyone is separated, which would include Sammy and Yaz. It's possible that they could be physically together but I feel like that it would also make it way more easier to track everyone down if two of the three people were already with each other. This doesn't necessarily mean that they're now separated, they could always just be doing long distance or whatever. My theory is that Yaz and Sammy broke up at one point--Why? I don't know--just to make the separation/isolation between the campers more drastic but then that classic thing will happen where the two characters part of a larger group have broken up but are forced to regroup with everyone else, and therefore each other, and it's awkward at first, especially with the close proximity but then they begin to rekindle their relationship and make amends. Sometimes that ends with one of them dying at the end but praying that won't happen. If they're not together then this is the only alternative I'll take. Sammy and Yaz do seem to be very cutesy in the later scenes so it doesn't seem tooo out of reach.

The scene where Ben's van is driving along a road is giving major Texas vibes -> Sammy?? My guess is that she's the first they go to find.

I love Sammy's new design; her outfit just feels like her and the pink hair ends are everything I need. An homage to Brooklynn maybe? We all know Sammy was her biggest fan.

Also the clip of her seems to be like a fair or something which makes sense but it also looks like a couple of things are knocked over like a pole and a bucket. Also she's taking up a defensive stand. Could there have been like a county fair that was attacked by dinosaurs? That's what I'm thinking.

Kenji's design is cool. I don't have much to say about it but it feels like him enough. My boy is also getting active, I see. Is that his coping mechanism? Such a stark contrast to the lazy boy we once knew.

Yaz's new design I like. She's my favorite so I feel like I might me most critical about her design. Her hair is super cute but it's also taking a bit to get used to because in one clip she reminded me of Marinette from Miraculous Ladybug and I can't unsee it but it looks great in her first clip. I love the bangs. I'm curious about the background in that clip, I wish we got to see more of it. It looks sort of like a metal fence so could she be in Texas with Sammy. Later, I'm going to propose a theory that might oppose this idea though.

The next scene with the mysterious man is interesting. Is he one of the guy hunting them? The phone also seems to pink which does't seem like a color he would have. You want to know who would have a pink phone?? BROOKLYNN. I saw a theory by @snaileo which I like, that it's Brooklynn's phone which seems plausible. Perhaps it could be directly after Brooklynn's been attacked and sent that video to the others (Ben?) to warn them. So now the campers would know they're being hunted or whatever which could be the potential "problem" the guy is talking about. Just an idea.

I can't fucking wait until May 24th

The next scene definitely has to take place on Sammy's ranch. It's got that Texas terrain and there's also those pasture fence things and Sammy's in the scene. (And Bumpy too??? FUCKING YESSS). She also kind of moves in front of Ben and Darius like, "who the fuck is coming to my ranch??" Maybe I'm just overanalyzing that but we do know Sammy gets defensive over her ranch. Ben and Darius probably went to her first by the looks of it as Kenji and Yaz aren't pictured. Anyways, I'm so excited to see this place that Sammy committed corporate espionage for.

The scene with Ben in the kitchen place area talking about the raptors has a bunch of boxes in the background. I'm thinking this might still be Darius' cabin but the walls and general atmosphere seem a lot lighter. It could just be because it's day in that scene. Whoever's place it is, the boxes likely either mean that somebody's just moved in or that whoever lives there is prepared to leave at a moment's notice which is why I think it's Darius' cabin. At the same time, the door that's seen for a split second on 0.25 (yes that's the speed I'm watching it at, they're lucky I can't go slower) doesn't seem like a door that would belong in his cabin. It kind of reminds me of an RV. I do have to go and re-watch the teaser trailer to remind myself of what his cabin looks like. But if it's not Darius' place then who could it be? It could be Kenji's place because he looks all comfortable on the bed but then again, it's Kenji, he'll make himself comfortable anywhere. Maybe it's where Ben is staying. I'm probably looking way too deeply into this location but I need to know every detail until the show comes out.

The next scene obviously takes place in Sammy's house/ranch. One, she's there. Two, the overall home has that western/southern vibe to it, like with that swinging door thing. Three, if you look closely enough, there's a sign that says, "love hard, ranch harder," which, honestly that's definitely something that would be in Sammy's house. Four, if you still need proof, the thing she knocks over is a pitch fork thing which is very farmer-y. Also that door that she runs out of? That is a southern-door if I've ever seen one. Im jk but also I'm not. I wonder if this is happening before or after Ben and Darius arrive there. I want to say it's after because of the, "they found us," that precedes the scene but if so, where are they in that moment? An idea I have is that this scene happens first, and as she's running, she stumbles upon those two which is where we have that other scene where the car is driving up which could be the people who are handling/using the raptors. Edit: probs wrong bc the sky/times don't match

I cannot read maps for the fucking life of me. Does anybody know what it's of? I wonder where, when, and how Sammy acquired that map from Brooklynn because it could likely mean that Brooklynn had more contact with people before she "died." I just really want to find out the mystery surrounding her death/disappearance. What does the note say, hmm?

I ran out of space so I have to make a Pt.2 lmao

[caravalsreveriekey]

little medical condition rant bc I had my first full blown seizure in 4-5 years today

SO. SO. SO.

when I was 18 months old my dad fell over me when playing with me on boxing day and caused my first seizure. I was diagnosed with a fairly common (apparently although i’m the only person i’ve ever met who’s got it) condition called reflex anoxic seizure (RAS) which is meant to me something you experience during childhood as a reaction to shock or pain. so they told my parents i’d probably grow out of it by the time I was 9/10. ever year from then I had seizures pretty consistently 1-3 times a year. until I was like 11 and the doctors told me i’d probably not grow out of them until I was 18. AND THEN I DIDNT HAVE ANOTHER ONE FOR 4 FUCKING YEARS. FOUR YEARS I WENT THINKING ID GROWN OUT OF THEM. THE DOCTORS EVEN TOLD ME ID PROBABLT GROWN OUT OF THEM. but apparently not. sure over those years there were occasions where I felt like I was going to have an episode, but I never did. I came super close to having one back in june, but today I had my first real one in 4 years and it scared the shit out of me. to explain, before if starts, I feel like i’m going to vomit, and I feel like I have pins and needles (just without the pain) all over my body, along with being lightheaded. then I black out, I go an odd yellow colour, my limbs jerk and my eyes roll. to me, I feel like i’m falling endlessly down a rabbit hole and having weird flashbacks. I don’t know if i’m safe, I have no control over my body and ever time the thought crosses my mind that this is me dying. I just have to wait it out. in reality this lasts only a few seconds but it doesn’t feel like that. I come around again and my ears kind of ring and I feel like shit. so that happened to me earlier today and all I could do was cry bc wtf. things are so much scarier when there’s a long gap between them happening. it feels like it’s an earthquake. they’re either little and often or rare a huge. the thing is, I don’t wanna be an adult with this. it was one thing when I was in primary school and there were 100 students in the entire school and every teacher knew about my seizures, but it’ll be quite another when i’m an adult and I just randomly black out and start convulsing. because right now the only thing that keeps me sane if I do have one is my mum holding me and talking to me. I know that sounds childish but when you know that if something lasts longer than half a minute it becomes a 999 emergency, I think it’s valid. but as an adult in a workplace or at a social gathering I will have none of the support or awareness i’ve had as a kid. I already have enough issues with my sports teachers assuming i’m being dramatic when I say I feel like i’m going to pass out because if they wanted to check my medical records they’d have to go all the way to the san and so they just assume im faking to get out of sport. so yeah that’s my rant anyways thanks for listening x

[hyperfixation-fix]

Aight so.

Just reblogged a post that mentioned Nico canonically having depression (totally agree), but I wanted to talk about my other headcanons around Nico's mental health AND MORE IMPORTANTLY his recovery journey.

(AN IMPORTANT NOTE: I'm very wary of talking about headcanons involving mental illness, bc it can easily cross the line into romanticising mental illness. I grew up in that kind of online space, and it's toxic af and makes recovery almost impossible. So I want to emphasise, especially for younger fans who read this - Nico gets better, canonically and in my headcanons. So did I. So will you. It takes work, and often it's not a painless or pretty process, but it's so much better than letting yourself rot away in the dark. Romanticise being well, being happy, and getting better.)

In my head, Nico is autistic. But I think he's been so traumatised and so dissociated for so long that he doesn't even really realise how much things affect him, how much easier things could be if he gave himself permission to be the way he is.

FOR EXAMPLE. I think he is specifically very sensory-sensitive, but he's so disconnected from his body and brain that he doesn't really realise it. He just always feels Bad™️ and has never been safe enough to figure out why. So then, once he gets comfortable at CHB and really starts to finally feel safe and present, he starts to slowly untangle things bit by bit. Will is a big part of this - he's very intuitive and notices stress queues in Nico before Nico even realises he's stressed.

It starts off with Will noticing Nico avoiding crowds, which isn't necessarily weird for a kid who spent the last several years with ghosts, but then he realises it's not actually the people that bother him. It's the noise. Like, Nico avoids the Apollo Cabin as much as possible, even when it's completely empty except for Will, bc it's constantly got music playing a little too loud. Nico doesn't even really know why he doesn't like it and doesn't really bother thinking much about it, but Will is like "huh that's interesting". And, as he gets closer with Nico, that pattern becomes more and more apparent - in noisy places, Nico becomes tense and guarded, but in quiet places he's more relaxed. Then Will notices Nico's sensitivity to textures. Some clothes are consistently "grumpy Nico clothes" and some are "happy Nico clothes".

Will decides to run little experiments, making subtle changes around Nico and taking note of Nico's reaction. For example, suggesting Nico change clothes before a date because "I like the black jeans better" ie "the black jeans are a softer denim and stiff denim makes you grumpy". Or swapping out Nico's sheets bc "whoops my bad, I was practicing wound cleaning and spilled supplies all over them! But don't worry, I've replaced them with a new set so it's all good," ie "your sheets were cheapass 100% cotton and rough af and that's why you haven't had a good night's sleep like, ever, so here's a high-quality satin (or whatever, idk fabrics) set that probably won't bother you as much." And lo and behold, Nico sleeps like a baby every night after that. Or orchestrating a whole plan to get Nico into the Apollo Cabin when it's quiet (music gets turned low, siblings are threatened with weeks of dish duty if they don't keep it down), and seeing if he's less on edge. AND HE IS.

And eventually Nico picks up on Will's increasingly elaborate accommodation experiments (Will is simply having way too much fun at this point - he feels super sneaky, finds it hilarious that Nico still isn't noticing, and also just loves seeing Nico less stressed out) and is like "Solace I know you're up to something, out with it or else." And at that point Will is like "ok bet" and pulls out a fucking spreadsheet (Annabeth taught him how to use excel (yeh I know demigods don't vibe with tech but this is my headcannon so deal with it) with great joy and little-to-no interest in why he actually wanted to learn) with a bunch of Nico's triggers and sensitivities and the success rates of different accommodations. Nico is like "I'm actually going to kill you, you've been fucking with my brain for months????" but is barely containing how curious he is and how sweet he actually finds it that Will has thought so much about how to make Nico happy. But Will knows, especially when Nico, even while grumbling, takes the spreadsheet with him.

The next day Will presents Nico with a present he was saving for the final big-reveal: some loop earplugs or something similar. Discrete and practical 😌 Will just leaves them next to Nico's bed with a cute lil sticky note that says "Before you orchestrate my untimely demise as promised, give these a go. Consider it the last request of a dead man walking ;) love you Neeks x".

And that's that. The earplugs make a massive difference, much to Nico's surprise and Will's smug satisfaction, and from then on Nico starts to reconnect with himself and gets better and better at recognising things that make him more comfortable, and using them. Will considers his experiment over (a resounding success, of course), but is unwaveringly supportive and helpful as Nico figures stuff out.

Lol that became very long sorry, but it made me happy to write it out hehehe

[misc-obeyme]

CC I'M SO EXCITED, I FINALLY GOT ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO COMMISSION THINGS FROM PEOPLE (it's like three different people AJDJWJF)

but the prices are good, two of the people needed it for emergency money so it was a good push to bite the bullet and message them. I'm so happy, I'm gonna have art of me and Mammon (and one is gonna be a sketch page of me, mammon, and a friend who also likes obey me). Also i lost my drawing streak, but I just drew a bunch of random poses today for fun, so it makes up lmaoo.

anyway I am here to ramble about the job my mc/I would have in the Devildom! definitely got roped into working at the bunny cafe for one (1) shift with Mammon (the daily chat is what gave me this idea).

Not sure how the cafe works, but in the anime, Beel is working the bar lolol. So I always imagined it as a bar with some food, and you could request certain servers by paying extra, and obviously give them carrots or tips. Like a mix between a maid cafe and a club I suppose is what I'm thinking?? (...Hooters? I've never been)

anyway I totally got coerced bullied into working a shift (I am always caving when it comes to Mammon </3). And my anxiety is terrible, I CANNOT talk to people (it's a wonder how I'm a manager), so I'd definitely stick to bussing tables and helping run super big orders with one of the guys. Maybe even have Beel teach me to make some drinks, because that seems really fun. Basically completely avoiding any kind of one on one service.

And I think there's been chats or devilgrams about mc gaining popularity and having a fan club, so imagine all these patrons requesting me, and the owner has to be like "unfortunately - no." And then someone is like, "I'll pay an extra $100 just to have her" and that's when the owner decides to ask if I'd be willing. Because it doesn't hurt to ask, right?

And I'm like, "Ha! I'd do it for $250", and like, I say it as a joke, but imagine Mammon overhears everything. He'd drag me to the table and say my price, and to everyone's surprise, the demon agrees to pay. Now everyone is like 👁️👁️ interesting.

and now I'm suddenly serving a random demon, and I'm nervous as hell (HA), and I'd honestly spill their drink or something on them. The bill comes, come to find they tipped way over 20%, and wrote a note about hoping to have me again. Now I've singlehandedly paid back a big chunk of Mammon's debt.

now THAT would change my mind real quick. I would do anything for money, I'm so easily convinced 💀 like imagine how much cash I could make in one shift. Anxiety who ??

It ends up becoming a part time gig, and I become the owner's favorite. I learn the bar for fun, and can be requested as a server for a big fee. I'd like to imagine Mammon works extra hard to earn the owner's favor and begs to work the same shifts as me (little does he know I request to work with him bc he makes me feel safe, especially if people get way too drunk)

I've literally brainstormed about this so much, and I've still got more ideas rattling in my brain, SORRY IT GOT SO LONG AAA

- ✨ anon

WOOO!! Congrats, ✨ anon! You are braver than I lol! I've been trying to work up the courage for months, but I keep talking myself out of it. Mostly because I want to commission art of my OCs and I feel absolutely ridiculous asking someone to please spend hours drawing this silly guy from my head lol. It's a me problem, I'll get over it one day. Anyway, I'm sure your commissions will turn out amazing! I hope you enjoy them!

OMG what but I love this idea!! Listen, I have the social anxiety, too (it's so bad wow), so I get it. But I looove that you've got things that help you work this job despite that! Mammon and Beel to count on when you need support and of course the motivation of just... making money!

And it's so sweet that you're making the money to help cover Mammon's debts. And I love that both of you are like... requesting to work together and the other person is unaware of it. That's adorable!

I'm always going to recommend writing your ideas down! It doesn't have to be story-style, sometimes just getting them out of your head in some form really makes a big difference! Especially if it's something you've never told anyone or written down before. Forcing yourself to articulate ideas in a way that would make sense to someone else (even if no one else ever sees it) really helps to make ideas more solid. Then you can expound on them even more! It's a never ending cycle for me lol.

Anyway, I love all of this, I think it's fantastic.

For my part, I'd absolutely be bunny-ing it up at the bar with Beel. I like the idea of him making Devildom drinks and MC making human world ones. The demons that are willing to pay top dollar for MC to wait on them are also willing to pay top dollar for MC's authentic human world drinks! Now you're really rolling in the Grimm!

[vypridae]

HOPE YOUR HEAD FEELS BETYER!! HEADACHES SUCK

anywayys requesting mori or tecchou or fyodor for the character thing [or bc you don’t need to do all of them pick and choose <3]

DOING ALL OF THEM i cant do the doodles i dont have the motivation for art rn i lied about that BUT ILL DO ALL THREE OF THEM

under a cut because these got LONG

MORI

first impression

honestly i think when i first met mori in the anime i was like oh hes sweet i like him . then it was the whole "woah port mafia boss!!!!" thing and i was like oh hes sweet and deadly i like him .

impression now

i love him soo much did you know. hes so fun hes just a silly guy . silly !!!

favorite moment

honestly the moment (from the manga specifically) thats stuck with me the most was the frame that he like, put tachihara's hd hat on his head and was like "you dropped something" it just STUCK with me

outside of canon manga stuff tho i love the little intersection in wan ep 11 that hes like "WHAT DID YOU SEND ME DAZAI ... THESE ARE ... SCARY!!!!!" like hes just so silly i love him

idea for a story

genuinely i do not think about story ideas enough to have a solid one for him but if it counts i often think about him accidentally stealing one of fukuzawa's scarves from That Era i forgot how old he was at the time . and then just keeping it . and fukuzawa finds out somehow . i love them shut up

unpopular opinion

uhhh liking mori in general FSJKHASJKHASFJKG like have you seen this fandom . 99% of the people here fucking hate mori with a passion . and just liking him is super controversial . aside from that though ive seen analyses (tending to be like "mori and pedophilia" or something along those lines) and honestly they make me feel like hes just being really uuuh whats the word. really abstract with how he says things i guess? like one in particular i remember was a word in the original manga (jap) and he said a word that means both "wife" and "thing by my side" or something like that, when theres so many different words he could have used if he wanted to be Creepy specifically. idk theres my mori opinion its so controversial i know block me if u'd like but i love him

favorite relationship

HAHA zskk . easily . love those dumbass gayasses

favorite headcanon

uuuuuh . probably trans mori honestly FJKHASDFGHADFG maybe im biased (trans) but like ... idk i am very biased about this

TECCHOU

first impression

genuinely when i first met all of the hunting dogs i forgot all of their names immediately . as chapters went on though i think the two main things i remember thinking "hes adorable" and "hes in love with jouno 100%"

impression now

i . love him . so much . he is the silliest little guy ever and hes also me . also hes still in love with jouno btw

favorite moment

every one of them /j no but fr in specific i love the ant scene (it was one of the only ones i remembered from the manga after i read that chapter i think), the justice speech / kenji fight (GOD hes so cool) and when he gets hit by the car (that was THE FUNNIEST ever)

idea for a story

oh my god okay so imagine jouno is sick and tecchou is taking care of him . that is all

unpopular opinion

i dont actually think i have an unpopular opinion for tecchou . at least not one that i can think of???? like with tecchou i think most of my hcs line up with how a lot of the fandom talks about him

favorite relationship

EASILY WITHOUT A DOUBT ITS SUEGIKU OH MY GOD

favorite headcanon

he can cook !!!!! he can cook really well and i like to imagine even though he refuses to eat anything thats not the same color he likes cooking stuf he knows jouno likes and doesnt force him to eat any of his "weird" food combos because he knows jouno doesnt really like stuff like that so he cooks how jouno likes for jouno and how he likes for himself . UAHUAUAHGUA

FYODOR

first impression

i think i initially went "oh my god" when i saw fyodor . fell for him IMMEDIATELY and also initially hated fyolai???

impression now

still falling . now love fyolai . improvements !!!

favorite moment

YES. /j

in all seriousness, some of my favorite moments with fyodor are uuh

the dead apple scene where hes on the rooftop and goes "this is too much fun :)" because i think honestly that scene made me fall SO HARD . also he just looks really pretty there dont question me

time for happy group counseling hour !!!!!! hmm? hi everybody im your host fyodor dostevsky- okay hold up stop right there. whats the problem? exactly, what? exactly what what? ooooooooh . life counseling . < that whole scene

ALSO THE THE THE the tHE . WHERE HE KICKS NIKOLAI'S BOOMBOX IN THE MANGA. HSE SO MEAN I LOVE HIM

idea for a story

oh my god. ok so basically . connected oneshots but one member of fyosiglai is individually insecure for some reason and the other two are like FUCK NO YOU ARENT and love them and cherish and praise them until theyre like oguhgug

unpopular opinion

hes pretty i LOVE HIM hes SO PRETTY ive seen HUNDREDS of people say hes UGLY hes SO NOT UGLY i LOVE HI

(in all seriousness, ive seen a lot of people say he'd be like, an abusive manipulative awful husband / boyfriend / whatever, and i literally just cannot see that happening . like, i feel like he'd want the perfect world FOR his s/o, he fell for them for a reason sort of thing . idk maybe i just love him but hgjkahfjkahdfjk)

favorite relationship

fyosiglai. or fyodor and me /j (/hj)

favorite headcanon

UUUUUH UH UH UH UH UH OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MANY HCS ABOUT HIM I LOVE HIM hes a cat person thats one of my favorites . if there is a cat on his lap he will not move

i also love the idea that he cannot for the life of him play horror games because he gets jumpscared and screams and he HATES that bc "vulnerability bad" (nikolai likes when he plays horror games anyway he thinks its funny when he gets jumpscared and screams really loud)

actually scratch that . fyodor is just bad at video games because i love that idea . hes good at logic games but when it just comes down to "survive!!!" or "do this objective" or something i love the idea that hes just Dog Ass at it

[butch-reidentified]

hello hello my lovely Tumblr gals!

I've been waiting to post about this until it was like, a forreal sure thing, but I'm SO excited I gotta share the news 🤩

soooo as most of you already know, my wife & I both have serious chronic health conditions, which come with severe chronic pain as well as all the other wonderful symptoms. We have been struggling to maintain a life of working full time, doing things we enjoy to keep ourselves sane, taking care of our 6 pets, and also getting chores/errands/tasks done like keeping the house clean, grocery shopping and cooking instead of frozen meals and doordash, etc. A couple weeks ago, I posted an ad on a roommate seeking page to "rent" out our spare bedroom. Except instead of money, the majority of the rent would be "paid" by helping us out with those sorts of tasks to help us live as close to a normal life as possible. I created a scaled system where the more assistance = the more the reduction in rent, with a very low cap on the money side of the rent bc we really don't want to take advantage of anyone or profit off renting out a room, so just enough to cover the basic costs. The goal was to find a mutually beneficial arrangement with someone who needed a place to live without paying the current horrifying rental prices of South FL, and was able bodied and capable of helping us out a bit (on their own schedule, around their other work/obligations).

I posted it pretty impulsively when I had the idea, thinking not many people would see it or respond to it, just sort of putting feelers out to see if there was any interest in that kind of arrangement. I specified female only (and of course got multiple messages from men). First thing the next morning, a woman who looks about my age sends me a message. She and her gf have been urgently looking for housing since the plans they had made had fallen through last minute, after they were already packed and everything with their lease ending at the end of February.

She was 100% good vibes right away. We messaged for a couple hours straight, just got talking, and intermittently throughout the day. It turned out there were so many strange coincidences between us, it was uncanny. And talking to her felt like talking to a close friend of many years, not a total stranger. That first day I talked to her, really good things happened to me the rest of the day. Solutions to problems that had been causing me stress for weeks or months fell into my lap. I'm not spiritual or superstitious or anything for the most part, but sometimes the universe is just screaming in your face that something is right.

We kept texting, and planned a video chat "wine date" to discuss the arrangement and get to know each other better. We talked for hours, past 2am, and it felt so natural. Never an awkward moment. We have very similar couple dynamics, we like the same lifestyle and hobbies, we have the exact same sense of humor and communication style, the first woman I had talked to and I go by the same nickname, their dog and one of our dogs are very similar breed mixes and born almost exactly just 1 month apart... I could go on. I mean we even buy the same brand of vapes 😅 They're clean freaks who enjoy cleaning together, and one of them is super into cooking and likes to keep an herb and vegetable garden (we have a huge backyard and have been longing for a garden for ages). I looked up their post in the group, which was posted weeks before mine, and they were a perfect match. We were looking for the exact same things in a roommate.

The decision was made that first video chat night (there have been more since). They were abso-fucking-lutely going to be our new roomies. I wrote up a unique lease, month to month like we both were looking for, and had it looked over by a lawyer, who said we're good to go. My wife and I have been gushing about them to all our friends and our parents. We've been calling it a "couples crush" 😂 I told them that, and they excitedly admitted they've been doing the same thing. My wife and I have also been so much happier and more productive and active since all this started.

These absolute angels have even offered to help us get the house clean from where it's at now instead of us rushing to deep clean before they arrive. They seem genuinely empathetic and like they want to help 😭 And we feel the same way about their housing and financial situation. We own the home, which means there's an inherent power dynamic when renting out a room, so I worked hard to talk to them and create a lease that would equalize as much as possible. My wife and I emphatically expressed that we want them to feel like it's fully their home - we remember from renting in the past how it can sometimes not feel like your home. For me, renting was damaging to my mental health. All the rules and restrictions made me feel unable to create a safe-feeling home environment. We don't want to put any restrictions on them when it comes to pets, drilling into walls, painting the room, re-landscaping the backyard, whatever. We also told them they're always welcome to give us feedback, communicate totally honestly with us about any of their needs, complaints, changes they want to the lease, etc.

Soooo with all that said... they're moving in on Friday! We are all counting the days. We already know we're gonna have a ton of fun together. We even agreed to have "family dinners" sitting together at the table a couple times a week 🙈 We are all just so dorky it's beautiful.

And! I accidentally said "gyns" referring to them in a message 😅 so I had to explain that, and they were SUPER interested and want us to teach them about radical feminism. Like??? We couldn't have created a more perfect roommate situation in a mad scientist's lab. I've been working on trusting my gut recently, as it never seems to lead me astray, and every instinct I have says this is Good.

[threefuckencrowsinatrenchcoat]

So are any of you bumfucks on this godforsaken app gonna talk about how Brazil (Declan McKenna) was written By and For Ronan Lynch or am I gonna have to do it myself let’s do this bitches

Fair warning I’m sorta really bad at analysis according to every English teacher I’ve ever had so this is a lot of me freaking out but I think it turned out ok (this took half a year)

Starting off strong with Cars and Animals (Ronan’s favourite) !! Anyway the vibe I’m getting from this is like. The barns and then the He’s got eyes talks like an angel looks like me part is about the like. Greywaren vs Ronan Lynch dream vs human stuff we see in Greywaren (not super spoilery but it kinda doesn’t make sense unless u read the book lmao)

I could write a whole second post as long as this one just about this line but let me unpack this because ohhh my god. First up the use of religion is so perfect for mister Lynch over here and then. IM THE FACE OF GOD IM MY FATHERS SON IS INSANE FOR HIM IM GOING SO FERAL OVER THIS HE LITERALLY IS GOD AND HES HIS FATHERS SON (“and Ronan was everything that was left: molten eyes and a smile made for war” and also The Scene in TRK where Adam goes into Ronan’s room and thinks Niall is sitting on the bed) THIS IS CANON

He’s Not what u think u see he looks so mean but he just wants his little farm and for his husband to get into heaven when he dies (he’s worried about his agnostic tendencies) jk but this is 100% ab stereotypes and how Ronan doesn’t rly fit into what anyone thinks he is (the whole thing about Adam wanting to be unknowable and realizing Ronan Is Unknowable [poetry chefs kiss])

Can’t eat leather is so self explanatory. The bracelets are RIGHT THERE you can’t fool me Mr mckenna

I’m done. I’m done. I don’t even need to keep explaining this it’s RIGHT THERE AGH

And onto the ecoterrorism

I’m kidding (not really) bc this part always makes me think of literally the Entire Plot of TDT when Ronan is going around destroying capitalism to save dreamers. This IS the servers scene and the underwater pipeline and the Mirrors lady and also the way all of TDT is about self discovery and learning who you are and how to deal with that in a society made to destroy you and how isolating and sad that is (it gets him down 😞) and I can KEEP GOING

And just the way the song is so melancholy and also happy at once hits me so hard cause it feels like what the Barns does when you read the book like it SOUNDS like something Aurora would sing to kid Ronan it’s so homey and sweet but also sad and perfect

And obviously I don’t go through the whole song here but I feel that I’ve made my case sufficiently enough thanks for reading this far I love u mwah

[imunbreakabledude]

hold on i got another "maeveannie vs maevelena" comparison post in me all of a sudden

i was thinking to myself again about why maeveannie is so fun to me for certain grand, dramatic tropey stories (and shitposts) but far less easy (or appealing?) to imagine as a long-term established relationship, whereas for maevelena, that's like, the the whole delicious point of it

and then that led me to lookin back at some of my fics and noting a common thread in how i envision maeveannie is maeve's self-loathing side really coming out, her tendency to keep annie at arm's length, her belief that she's bad for annie (or anyone) and her refusal to accept that annie could love her.

because that's not really present in how i write maevelena. well, it's there a LITTLE, but more of an undercurrent, an underlying repressed fear on maeve's part, way less prominent and definitely not a NAMED part of their dynamic (well, until the point in tmdoms where it becomes one lol)

so why is that? let me muse aloud (atype?) about it

Power differential? - I also feel that maeve has this sort of simultaneous pride/guilt complex about having power over annie, which is kind of funny that i don't think she has that with elena at all, because she has 'more' of a power differential over elena, right? but somehow with annie being closer it feels more named, more important. with elena ofc it's obvious, maeve is a supe, she's not, they don't have to TALK about it. but maeve feels the need to remind annie constantly that she's stronger. lmao. bc otherwise it might be forgotten. then there's also the age thing - not that it's BIG age gaps either way, but maeve being older than annie vs younger than elena, also the whole her being annie's childhood hero and all, that shifts things. also makes it harder for maeve to believe that annie likes the "real" her and not just the vought image of her. and then there's also the experience/systemic power difference - maeve's experience and influence at vought and her knowledge of how fucked up it is which she only occasionally/slowly shares with annie, is another layer of power, which is completely irrelevant when it comes to elena. (well, there's still the whole issue of maeve lying and keeping pertinent dangers & pertinent traumas of her own from elena for the sake of 'protecting' her, but that's ... a very different flavor, than the way maeve is at times an aloof bystander while annie's abused at work or else an actively callous bully, lol).

lower stakes = more obsessing over it? - like what i said about the physical (super)power differential being smaller between annie and maeve vs elena and maeve making it less need to be discussed... i think the same thing applies to most of the fears maeve has in the relationship? specifically the fears of her lover being hurt or killed. at least the maeveannie fics i've written thus far, maeve goes a little overboard being protective over annie, whereas that's... less of a thing with elena. part of that is a natural byproduct of annie being closer to the "line of fire" if you will and also annie being prone to PUTTING herself in more danger by provoking homelander/etc. while elena is certainly not doing that. but on the other hand elena is literally ALWAYS inches away from death if homelander should find out about her/decide he wants to hurt her to hurt maeve. not to mention any of the other non-homelander things that can more easily harm a regular person vs. a supe of annie's caliber. but i think that's the thing: the reality of how easy it would be for elena to be hurt or killed - because of maeve or even by maeve - forces Maeve to become excellent at compartmentalizing or ignoring that danger. like to even be with elena at all she has to put that away 100%. because otherwise she would not be able to function day to day. with annie, though, the worry is just below a threshold that makes it acceptable to think about, which leads to it torturing maeve by dominating her thoughts. it's like, 'annie's not in as much danger as a regular person would be bc she's a supe... but she's still in a lot of danger! more danger than she knows! and she's not gonna be smart about it because she's all "heroic"! so i clearly HAVE to dedicate myself to protecting her if she likes it or not!!!'

the mere existence of maevelena colors everything about maeveannie? - i can't write any fic about maeve (and have no desire to) that doens't include her relationship with elena at least as a part of her past, because to me it dos so much to inform her character. so anytime i'm writing maeveannie, it's a scenario where... maeve has had and lost elena. which naturally would make her more insecure (if she lost elena due to her own faults/elena moving on) or more overprotective (if elena was hurt or killed in this AU, esp if because of maeve) or both.

maevelena is more toxic but in a more healthy way - maybe my longtime maevelena elites will get what i mean by this but like. maeve and elena are like borderline codependent in how much they are willing to go back to each other despite flaws. and also in how long they let issues simmer before finally addressing them, bc they KNOWWWW they love each other and will end up forgiving it in the end, but also the letting it simmer makes it blow up more before they get to that point but that's what i loooove about them. compare to maeveannie, which, at least as i write it (grand tropey stories, see?) is much faster paced, more dramatic... and more direct in terms of conflict, mainly due to annie. because annie cuts right to the heart of shit and if she has an issue with something, including maeve, she says it outright. she has no issue telling maeve she's disappointed with her, no matter what point of their relationship they're in... no hesitation calling maeve out. and, well, elena doesn't necessarily hesitate to do that either, but in a different way. ...

i mean, it's twofold, right? there's the obvious factor of elena has less vantage point to call maeve out about hero stuff/vought stuff because she's less involved in that and doesn't have to make those kinds of tough calls herself. (even when she learns about flight 37 and is clearly upset/shaken by it, her reaction isn't "how could you? you did the wrong thing" but "i need time to process this, it's horrifying, but I don't blame you"). but then there's also the fact that to annie, maeve is the former hero knocked off the pedestal. but to elena, maeve is her needy depressed (ex)girlfriend who must be taken care of because she's just a little BABY struggling with trauma and alcoholism and a bad childhood :( annie might see that side a bit, esp as they grow closer, but it's never gonna be her first or only image of maeve. whereas for elena, even when she's in the midst of calling maeve out, she's only ever so far (this far 🤏) away from getting ready to cuddle maeve if she cries, yknow?

which is what leads to maeve and elena having that "toxic but strong" dynamic where they've broken up soooo many times and might just do it again but also always get back together, and understand each other so well, but also hurt each other so deep... while maeve and annie have more of, well i guess you could also call it toxic but strong in a DIFFERENT way. where they're much more explosive and have a lot more direct conflict in terms of openly disagreeing with each other (especially when it comes to their shared "work" of heroism) but that ability to have it all out in the open is also kind of the only thing that gives them a shot of working

that being said, i still have a LOTTT of trouble picturing long-term, established relationship maeveannie. (maybe it's just because that feels like a betrayal of maevelena in my head? LMAO but i'm a multishipper, i swear! it's just harder for maeveannie to feel INTERESTING in a long-term-established scenario. whereas maevelena's style of dysfunction can kind of ONLY be portrayed via that window of context.)

[causenessus]

hi loveliness ! (get it, lovely-ness and you’re loveliness) (oh my god i’m so smart) i hope you’ve eaten today !! how’s your day been? MAKE SURE U EAT i’m so so so sorry for sending this so late in the day i had SUCH a day today and also i realize my asks are getting longer and longer each time like im yapping way too much so ill try to keep this short !

TODAY i hate breakfast then i went to an aquarium with my friend! it was so nice we saw sea lions and SEA OTTERS (otters are my favourite animal) AND IT WAS SO FUN! we saw the sea lions do tricks and the otters were so cute holding the rocks and it was so so so cute overload omg then i went to go have hotpot with my family and my uncle! it was nice to catch up and the food was so yummy we had flan after

ALSO I WAS GIGGLING SO MUCH AT YOUR WORK STORY LIKE i wasn’t laughing that you got yelled at bcuz that was uncool and uncalled for but the way it was formatted with the dialogue was so funny i was like giggling in bed reading it LOL but i will literally hunt down that family because you’re just a girl doing your job like !! lay off !! but i hope you’re okay love you didn’t deserve that and like genuinely some people need to learn how to be decent human beings sometimes because that’s actually CRAZY

BUT I LOVE UR STORY TIMES !!! SO YAP ALL U WANT I WILL READ IT ALL THOROUGHLY !! and once i get back home and back to work i will 100% yap because retail makes my head THROB genuinely throb

also tell me more about your knee omg?? what happened I HOPE YOURE OKAY AND make sure you don’t overwork yourself on your new smaus!! take breaks and always prioritize yourself over anything, i hope work was better than yesterday !! if not i will PERSONALLY fly over to your state and be like your guard dog at work (LOL THATS CRAZY SORRY) but i genuinely hope today went better! i hope you ate too and took care of yourself, always always take care of yourself i will say it infinity times to make sure it’s engraved into your head xoxoxo

LOVELINESS :( i will literally cry THAT IS SO CUTE AND YOU ARE A GENIUS!!!! HELLO MY LOVE <3

PLEASE NEVER WORRY ABOUT YOUR ASKS BEING LONG!!! DO NOT SHORTEN YOURSELF PLEASE YAP AS MUCH AS YOU WANT <3 (i'm going to start putting my answers under cuts so people don't have to fight trying to scroll past my yapping 😭 BUT DW!! TALK AS MUCH AS YOU WANT <3 AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR OTHER ASK TOO!!)

AND ALSO DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR SENDING THIS LATE IN THE DAY!! and i was so unmotivated when i got home from work today to make something for dinner 😭 bc i needed to shower AND i had school earlier in the day and it was 9:30 so i'd be eating a meal at like 10 pm BUT I DID JUST FOR U <33 (and i MEAN THAT!! I AM SO THANKFUL FOR ALL YOUR REMINDERS TO EAT :( YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT REALLY MEANS TO ME <3 AND THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR OTHER ASK AND FOR SENDING ONE IN DESPITE YOUR BUSY DAY WITH THE REMINDER TO EAT <3 I LITERALLY LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH) last night my dinner was literally a bagel with almond butter 💀 which I FEEL LIKE wasn't the worst "meal" but definitely not the best <3

AAAAAAAAAA THE AQUARIUM!!!!!!!!!! THAT SOUNDS SO CUTE AND FUN OMG I LOVE SEA LIONS TOO AND THEM BEING YOUR FAV ANIMAL LITERALLY MAKES THEM 10000X CUTER :(((( I HOPE YOU HAD TONS OF FUN!! AND OMG HOTPOT please i want hotpot so bad hold on thank you for reminding me that hot pot exists the MOMENT WE HAVE WEATHER IN THE 60S I'M GETTING HOT POT and i'm glad you could catch up with your family!! that's always fun <3 and FLAN!!!! YOU'RE LIVING THE DREAM AS ALWAYS AND I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!

and i'm glad you enjoyed my story time LMAOOO I READ IT BACK JUST NOW AND THERE WERE SO MANY GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES MB IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT RN SO I'M SURE MY ENGLISH IS NOT SUPER HOT RN EITHER 😭 today i worked again and i literally only got ONE thing done 😭 but it's bc it was a really big order and i lowkey drilled into my finger but it's okay!!!!! 🤠 KNOWING YOU WORK IN RETAIL AGAIN AND WORK THOSE GRUELING OPENING SHIFTS AND DOUBLES ALWAYS GIVES ME THE STRENGTH TO KEEP GOING (but i was soo sleepy today too i was genuinely going to walk up to my coworker and be like "bro. can i please just nap on the floor." BUT WE POWERED THROUGH!!) AND I LOVE YOUR STORY TIMES TOO!! PLEASE SHARE ALL YOU WANT I WILL ALWAYS READ THROUGH IT TOO <3

IF YOU WERE MY GUARD DOG AT WORK I'D CRY /POS <3 I'D FEEL SO SAFE AND HAPPY!! (maybe u should fly here anyway!!! xxx) but DW MY KNEES ARE OKAY LMAO basically i got sent to clean a loft with some people today and because i'm literally a monkey from my tech days i climbed like an entire shelf??? 😭 because we were like reorganizing EVERYTHING (that entire group is so neurodivergent including me like we were told to clean the front but none of us have the power to JUST do the front so this will now be like a month long project pls pray for us it is so hot and dusty in there) and so after we ran out of time i had to jump down from the shelf but like my two guys were BOTH waiting for me (v. weird. one of them makes me slightly uncomfortable BC HE'S VERY NICE BUT TOO NICE AND I'M JUST SCARED OF MEN LIKE HE'S GENUINELY NICE BUT I HAVE ATTACHMENT ISSUES AND I DON'T LIKE OTHER PEOPLE LIKING ME IF THAT MAKES SENSE) so like i was literally rushing it and was like "yeah i can probably just drop down" but the fall was a lot farther than i initially thought 😭 so i dropped to the ground and my knees gave out because of the impact so i fell backwards into a table BUT IT'S OKAY besides the fact i made a giant fool of myself i don't want to talk about it </3 (b/c the OTHER guy i was with OMNFHEJRFKWLNDJJERHOUHJVFEKW i used to like him. ik. very small world i am still around people ik. BUT ANYWAY used to like him -> got the ick bc attachment issues -> hated him but he's still a good friend -> our mutual OLDER friend tried to get us to go to prom together one year -> SO MUCH MORE WE HAVE SUCH A WEIRD DYNAMIC IDEK WHAT HE THINKS OF ME) BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS STORY TIME AS WELL!! LOTS OF NESS LORE DROPS HERE <3 I LOVE SHARING ALL MY DRAMA LMAOAOAO

BUT PLEASE MAKE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!!! KEEP EATING THE COOLEST THINGS EVER AND LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE <3 (NO PRESSURE) AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER!!!

[lazytoufu]

29.03 Happy LazyToufu Day!

Hi! It’s LazyToufu💜 Nice to meet you all~

Thank you for every supporting so far, it’s mean a lot to me tbh. I’m really appreciate it. Just your little encouragement that keeping me this long. I have been through the difficult time and it’s always hard for me. I might just gave up if you not here. I’m bad at English but I meant it.💜

it’s going to be so long of my journey (?) but I think It might be a good opportunity to say it out.

Firstly, It’d be super awkward to say it. But I want to have friends;; yeahh and I have no idea how ppl can be friends (I know I have very low social skill) ah I don’t even know how to start. Help pls be friend with me…(god this is not cool im dyin from embarrassment)

Secondly, the real story. I’ve been here for 3 years, umm a bit awkward to say this be this is my (unfortunately) 3rd account (fyi once I accidentally deleted bc I thought it was second blog and another with Tumblr suspended with unknown reason. So far so bad) and yeahh I really not having the best experience of it (particularly all my precious things were gone. Completely) and the recently event, Tumblr got on my nerves by making my account as a bot, my art didn’t show on tags, ppl couldn’t send me dms, and so on. For two months to get me a reply from supporting team. I could say I did give up on it several times, trust me it not easy. I need to give up on my old memories and they gave me this treatment. I need to start over on it. Yeahh now I am here talking silly loll

Karushuu and Assclass are the small fandom bc of itself an old anime that wasn’t on trending anymore. Once I got more than 100 notes on one art, then slowly to less and less (unlucky applying to my Twitter account either, there is the worst. I can say ‘no one see it, no one talk about it.’ my art is always barely to nothing. And it’s keeping me down) to make me feel worthless and vulnerable. Thank you for all you here and from now on!

Kaishin wasn’t really new to me since I have been on this ship back then around 2020 even before I got myself in Karushuu, and I had very difficult time with it. This time I really have warm welcome here. Pls take care of me~

Thank you so much!

LazyToufu💜

[texturralize]

Writer of my broken soul. What has happened to the svss fics? Are you okay? Who do I need to fight for you cause I rely on those fics more than an online shopper relies on their credit card.

it’s just..kind of a unfortunate timing kinda thing..something just really discouraged me and hit on some social trauma I have and I’ve been in a funk and need to take a break from my sv fanfic. the other night I sat down to write and someone messaged me on twt to join a sj fan server.

I got super excited bc I still hadn’t ever found a sj focused server and he is (obviously) my fave. when I got in, someone mentioned being fan of my fics. so I searched them just bc I was kinda curious. well..there were a few nitpicks things here and there which is fine. but ig one of my fics, because I forgot a tag, showed up in some people’s feed even when they set their filters, and it bothered them. there were some really hurtful things said..stuff like oh you can’t trust this author, can’t believe they did this, it was disingenuous, they wanted to toss themself down the stairs from sheer disgust, it was creepy, people wanted to block me, they felt mad anytime they saw my name…it was bordering on fic/author bashing and I was shocked the conversation just continued like normal and was allowed…so I got uncomfortable and left the server.

I don’t really blame the server itself or the people who talked about me, multiple people have sent me DMs saying they felt bad and like my work and that was really sweet. one of the people who said stuff also apologized for it so it’s not like I hold a grudge. it’s just, stuff like this is kind of hard to deal with for me. it’s not that I’ve never encountered hate comments or anything on the internet, I think I was just blindsided by the situation..no one expects to encounter stuff like that in what should be a safe space for fun and ideas you were invited to. I let myself get excited and wasn’t expecting it so it really affected me.

it’s just unfortunate that it happened in that way because though I’m sure no one specifically meant to hurt me, like I said, this kind of triggered some social trauma for me. as someone who grew up with undiagnosed autism, I’ve often felt hurt and silly when I entered spaces and didn’t realize people didn’t like me until too late. I spent a long time unable to explain why I felt certain ways when these things happened bc I didn’t even understand the way my own brain worked. I also have a very direct way of communicating and don’t say things unless I mean them, so the idea of venting and being aggressive abt something but not ‘really meaning it’ is hard for me; it’s hard to understand that someone could say such cruel stuff but not take it seriously. so my brain catastrophizes and won’t let me forget what happened and there’s dysphoria when I perceive rejection, dislike, aggression, etc. BECAUSE I take those things so seriously. and I also would never bash someone or their fic bc I know fic is made from love and is 100% free so it’s hard for me to get past it y’know?

just to reiterate..I’m not mad at anyone, I don’t think anyone is a bad person. they said they made a mistake speaking like that about someone and will keep in mind what I said when we talked. I’m sure there are plenty of people in that server who like my stuff and don’t want to see me discouraged…

god, it’s just really hard, you know? it’s been a while since something really managed to hurt my feelings. I guess I just felt stupid, and kind of humiliated. it’s that feeling of walking into a room only to realize you’re the punchline…

so..yeah it just kind of has me in a funk, as someone who’s struggled to make friends and connections in fandom too despite how ‘easy’ it’s supposed to be. I’m still kind of disappointed that something I got excited over exploded so much in my face and didn’t work out. but overall I mostly just tripped into a depression spell and it’s making me feel bad to look at my work so..I decided to take a break from it. to people who like my stuff…I’m really sorry. I don’t mean to take anything away from people who really liked it. I just want to feel better.

the last time I felt this bad was a few years ago, when someone did something really horrible to me and it upset me so much and took the joy out of the fandom I was creating content for, because it was something we did together. I’m not really upset over the specifics of what was said, just the experience and how similar it was to things I’ve went through in the past. I’m upset over the fact I don’t feel like it’s fun to write right now, and I don’t want to lose this special interest like I did my last one…so yeah, just kind of sucks overall.

I hope no one feels bad about what happened for a long time. just..unfortunately, I probably will, and maybe taking a break will help..idk

sorry :(

[starjxsung]

this might be...super controversial...but i truly truly hope this isn't skz trying to enter the western music industry if that makes sense. like how bts at one point just completely abandoned kpop and went full western shitty generic pop music. it's what drove me away from them and i would hate to see it happen to another group i love so much...if i wanted generic music, i would listen to american pop music. i like kpop bc it's so varied w the genres and the lyrics are always meaningful in some way. not to mention variety shows and just silly kpop content yknow that's more than half the fun of liking kpop!! you take that out and there's nothing there anymore especially when the music becomes bad. american tv shows are bland, most of the music is devoid of life. as much as i loved bts as people, it truly feels like they lost a bit of themselves AS BTS with songs like butter and ptd...idk. really hope this doesn't happen to skz.

WHEEWWWWWW opinions under the cut bc this is so long ✂️

I was just talking about this w my sister I literally would never say this on main™️ because people hate me on there as it is but I fully agree 🥲 I love bts but it’s so hard for me to get with their newer western stuff and it just feels like it has no emotion, no real substance to it. As an army I see people have this debate all the time and it’s such an issue that within the fandom, no one feels like they can have these conversations without getting attacked for it. But like it’s such a valid thing to acknowledge that hyyh era is vastly different from ptd? That is such a fair thing to point out and people who fell in love with bst, idol, dna, spring day, black swan, etc are allowed to not vibe either something that’s an entirely new sound. Especially one that emulates the generic pop music we already have in the west

There’s so much I could say about the tactics Hybe has to try and appeal to the west now and how it’s completely ruining classic kpop we all know and love, but I completely agree with you in fearing that they’ll want to push skz down the same road. And what’s unfortunate is that skz are at their peak right now in popularity, so I hope jype doesn’t see that as some weird opportunity to just change their sound or concept

I was also talking with my sister about how I think this is very much why Ateez seem to be quickly gaining traction, they’re very true to the original sound that they debuted with and their discography is so consistent and every album/single keeps being bigger than the last. Very traditional Korean sound and tying culture into performances and it’s all very well received in an atmosphere where we keep getting force fed all these western collabs. I know bang pd’s famous article about “removing the k in kpop” was a huge hit among stakeholders but I think for a lot of us, the “k” is what makes it unique. I like music in a different language, learning about culture, understanding how variety shows and award shows work. It’s a different subculture than we have in the west, and making them the same thing just negates the purpose of kpop in the first place. Like we don’t need “the next Justin Bieber” or “the next one direction”, those acts already existed. We have Jungkook and we have bts and skz and they didn’t get big for emulating western sound or culture, they got big for being a part of kpop !

Like could you imagine if we all collectively started saying “we need to make Bollywood more western! We need to make it appeal to western audiences!” How fucking disrespectful that would sound to the years of culture and uniqueness behind what it already is? Why are we doing that in Korean spaces now? Why can’t we just acknowledge when it’s a different culture and allow ourselves to immerse ourselves in it, learn about it, respect it and gain a newfound appreciation for something outside of western music? Why does everything have to appeal to the west??? 😭

I could go on about this for soooo long but I 100% agree with you and this was such a breath of fresh air to type out LMFAOOO