#beautiful and i probably wouldn’t manage to sell them for anywhere near what i got them for

[fingertipsmp3]

Selling stuff on vinted makes me so anxious for no legitimate reason I swear

[problematicfavesareproblematic]

Ignorance is Blitzed (Part Two)

Ron Speirs x Reader

When you come into contact with some substance that makes you sick while on a routine building search, Ron realizes he may not be as emotionally detached as he’d thought initally thought.

WARNINGS: Some overthinking handsome deathwish prince, some potty words, he makes you nakey but it’s to save your life so NOT SMUT YET KIDS BUT SOON

The shot the doc had given you only confirmed what the SS prisoner had tried to communicate to Bull in broken English- the nazi’s were giving their footsoldiers amphetamines as stimulants and aggression boosters.

Ron supposed that he should feel some comfort in that- that it hadn’t truly been poison or some aneurysm of some kind that had left you this trembling and sick mess on the mattress before them.

But you still were hurting, still sick and trembling and miserable despite Doc insisting that the drugs he’d given you ensured that you weren’t in any discomfort. He knew better than to fully believe that- sure, you may not be getting violently ill at his feet anymore, but that didn’t mean you were anywhere near okay.

When you’d stumbled from the building he’d thought at first you were drunk, your steps staggering and your knees buckling like some crumpling marionette. He didn’t think he’d ever seen you so pale, and the haunted, terrified look on your face made his heart turn to stone in his chest when he’d caught it. 

He may not have known you and been your friend as long as Bull or Nix or Grant or even that squirrelly kid Christenson, but the idea of something taking you away from the world had become unacceptable somewhere between New York and Normandy. 

Your friendliness with Grant and Nix had brought you existence out of Ron’s peripheral and into his direct line of sight, and when you’d masterfully articulated the most effective way to refit the Allies-issued rifle with stolen parts from the German’s more advanced weaponry, you’d made it clear that you were not to be looked over just because you were easy on the eyes.

Which you were, and as much as Ron hated to admit it he had caught himself admiring you from across a classroom a time or ten while in Georgia. He just was better at hiding it than all of the other idiots who you would catch gaping at you.

You were easy to like, even for someone as prickly as Ron knew himself to be- strong and sincere and friendly and so fiercely loyal to the group of idiots you affectionately called ‘your boys’ that, even when he actively tried to dislike you, he couldn’t seem to manage it.

Not that he’d ever told you as much. Obviously. That wouldn’t do.

Or, it wouldn’t have done— to be more accurate.

Until now, he was fine with your strange friendship of comfortable silences and shared looks of reassurance and private jokes followed by even more private grins. You just seemed to fit, not like you’d filled a missing space, but more like you just seemed to...complement him.

And he was content to just remain that way— a dark and brooding shadow to your beautiful, blinding light. 

But now, having had a taste of what it would feel like to have your brilliant light nearly snuffed out? He felt ….threatened, something you had once teased was the most dangerous weapon the battalion had at its disposal. 

“God help the son of a bitch who ever cuts you off in traffic, Ron Speirs. If science can ever figure out what makes you tick, they should bottle it and sell it for profit….”

The memory seemed horribly ironic now.

You, you’re what makes me tick.

Even as you’d laid there shaking like a leaf, he’d been unable to see you as anything other than beautiful- a wounded Nike in army green.

Well, you had been in green— after about an hour of rest you’d sweat through your jumpsuit and in order to cool you off Ron and Roe had had to cut your layers away until you were left in your sweat-soaked undershirt and underpants. 

Of course, the perspiration on your skin had instantly cooled and sent you into a violent fit of shivers that only ceased after Ron got sick of watching you suffer and he’d forced the young man to help him carry you to the closest source of hot water and clumsily held you in a warm bath until your shivering subsided to an occasional twitch of your hand or foot.

Ron had never sat in a bathtub with another person before, but he figured that if he were going to it, it may as well have been for you. 

Your head had been heavy on his shoulder has he’d held you against him, the only sign of your wakefulness being your occasional grumble of Is it raining? or if you’re going to kill me just do it already or Ron I’m sorry I fucked up.

Roe had said nothing about how Ron rocked you in his arms whenever you tensed or shivered, nor did the medic seem to give off the impression that he found your symptoms surprising for someone in your situation, which filled Ron with relief.

“Y/n’s body hasn’t come into contact with methamphetamine before, if i had to guess. A lot of what we saw was her body doing what it’s supposed to do in order to get it out of her system….doesn’t look good, but it all this means everything’s doing exactly what it’s meant to….”

At least you weren’t dying. 

Each day that passed brought them one day closer to going home, closer to getting to go home where he didn’t have to worry about his friends and brothers getting killed the moment he let his guard down. Ron wasn’t sure if he believed in destiny, but he’d decided long ago that you and he were going to survive this whether you wanted to or not.

You were fucking with his plans, getting yourself hurt like this.

If he didn’t know how badly you were going to beat yourself up about making such a mistake, he probably would've been angrier about the whole thing.

But here, now? Ron couldn’t find it in himself to feel anger, not for you.

Never for you.

Roe had left him to watch you after your temperature had stabilized and the two of them had dressed you in some of Bull Randleman’s cleanest boxers and undershirt. You’d only stirred a few times since the initial injection and when you did Roe had made it clear that you were to be hydrated.

So there you were, back on the lumpy mattress in between Ron’s legs with your back against his chest, sipping from his water canteen while you apologized for maybe the hundredth time for something that wasn’t your fault (and even if it had been, he wouldn’t have blamed you for).

He watched you with soft eyes as you lowered the canteen and took a deep breath, another wave of something unpleasant washing over you that he couldn’t see, couldn’t ease for you.

“Do you need to get sick?” he asks quietly, but you’re shaking your head before he can finish.

“No, no. Just dizzy.”

Your tired gaze finds his face over your shoulder and you seem to study him for a moment, chapped lips parting a few times as if you want to say something, but the words seem to die on your tongue.

He lets your eyes trail over his face, taking a moment to take in your closeness as well.

“They’re gonna think we’re sleeping together.”

Your words surprise him, the amount of apology in your tone making his chest ache. You sigh again, looking at his canteen in your hands and working your jaw.

“The replacements, no matter what company…..they said it about Nix in Toccoa and Bull and Grant since Normandy. It’s….I’ve gotten used to it, but—”

“Let them.”

You freeze at that, and when he whispers your name he swears he’s never seen you look so shy.

Ah hell, he’d done stupider things than tell a girl he liked her. 

And if anyone deserved his honesty, it was you.

He shrugged casually, taking the canteen from your hands and leaning over to set it on the floor. The action brought his face closer to yours, and when you didn’t flinch away or look unhappy he gave you a look he knew you’d be able to see as genuine, even if to anyone else his stern expression hadn’t changed.

“Ron,”

“Y/n.”

You look as if you’re about to argue more, but with one more look at him you nod slightly.

He’s not sure what you’re nodding for,and he isn’t sure that you know either, but it feels as if you’re agreeing to something he’d been hoping you’d say yes to.

“I’m scared I won’t wake up.” you admit quietly, and when he pulls you back against him you follow so beautifully he almost kisses you. Almost.

He settles for tucking your head under his chin, and when you relax against him he feels privileged. 

“I won’t let that happen. You’ll wake up—”

“Why?” you ask softly, and Ron hopes that this is the final wave of exhaustion your body has to endure. 

He knows you aren’t just asking about why he won’t let you die in your sleep, and he has to think for a moment before finally the answer comes to him as easy as breathing.

“Because, I just do.”

You fall asleep shortly after that, your fingers laced with his in a light hold that he was reluctant to break.

 When Bull and the Doc come by a few minutes later, they find the two of you curled around each other like ivy and both sound asleep.

The two men stare at the scene before them for a few moments before Roe makes a sound of surprise in the back of his throat. “Well, I’ll be….I didn’t necessarily see this coming.”

Bull barks a laugh, too relieved that you’re looking so much better to share the man’s stunned awe. With an approving nod, he nudges Eugene with his shoulder.

“C’mon, Doc. Let’s let em have an hour, unless you wanna be the one to wake up Sparky over there and let him know you approve—?”

Roe is out of the room before Bull can finish the offer, and with a grin the large man pops his cigar between his teeth,

“Good for you, kiddo.” he says under his breath, a grin on his face as he quietly shuts the door behind him.

An hour wouldn’t hurt.

(WOO HERE IT BE, THANK YOU FOR READING MY RAMBLINGS AND I LOVE YOU GUYS)

TAGLIST: @itswormtrain 

[writing-frenzy]

Care to Make a Wager? (SVSSS Fic)

Summery: No System AU: In which Airplane finds he has a new lease in life, but of course it would have a cost. Of course, being the creator of this world gives him quiet the price cut. Not to mention the untended bonus content.

Still, he did not expect the direction his life would go.

(Warning: mentions of death, violence, and most stuff you could find in SVSSS Canon. You should be good, but here is a just in case.)

---

When one Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky was reborn, he really wanted to curse his lot in life. Sure, he had been born into a rather well off Merchant Family, but when the Lord of the Family has two Official Wives and a crap ton of Mistresses on the side, things were bound to get crazy.

Luckily one Shang Huan had one hell of a Mother; in another life, Airplane might have described her as a ‘killer queen or a ‘boss ass bitch’, but as his mother, he just thought of her as the most amazing woman on the planet. As it was, She alongside a whole bunch of tutors taught him everything he needed to know about the world and then some. 

(Sewing was a bitch to get right.)

But with those lessons, it didn’t take long for Shang Huan to realize he was in his own fucking novel; it had not been a happy realization, making him break out into a truly childish tantrum, filled with screaming and tears that only calmed after he was given some delicious melon seeds.

(Luckily it had been attributed to wanting a snack after a morning full of lessons, otherwise he probably would have gotten the switch for it...)

But with all this knowledge of his place in life now with him, Shang Huan needed to start planning; good thing that was one of his specialties.

Noting down every bit of information he could, Shang Huan mapped out as much items and cheats he could afford to take from the Protagonist, as well as places he could and couldn’t go, hazel eyes narrowed as he messily scratched out his plots with his trusty quill and journal. The many lessons he Mother made him go through only helped to sharpen him, as well as learn the world’s common sense.

He was having a good go at it, building himself up as much as he could before something completely from left stage truly changed his course.

“There is a legend of Dreaming Glory, said to be a treasure to ensure great health and excellent rest. Though be cautious, for it is guarded carefully by the spirit of a Felled Divine Beast, angry and resentful of the betrayal it had faced.” was a tale a wandering storyteller spun, a group of children ooooing and awwwwing at the right places, even as Airplane felt his jaw drop at the information, focusing more on those words then the candy his mother allowed him to buy at one of the festival stalls.

See, while the Legend of the Dreaming Glory was definitely right at home with this world, it actually hadn’t been anywhere in Proud Immortal Demon Way; it had been in one of his earlier short stories, where Airplane had been practicing with the Xianxia/Xuanhuan genres (and didn’t need to rely on it, dreaming more of the theater then writing). (Until a mugging gone wrong and dreams cut short-) 

This... opened a few more roads then expected, especially if all his fantasy stories came into play, as there had been a lot of experimentation with plots and ideas until he hit his cash cow with PIDW. After all, taking something from the protagonist was always going to be a risk of somehow getting his attention, no matter how much the man wouldn’t actually need it.

(After all, showing off had always been a part of Luo Binghe’s character; showing that he was no longer the penniless street kid, no longer the weak disciple, no longer the one who was always pushed around, but now the one who can take.)  

It also meant more research; thankfully, his Mother was one to always encourage more in the way of learning, thankfully humoring all the ‘trips’ he wished to take.... In hindsight, he probably should have questioned why she was always willing to take him and go, but at the time was just thankful that he could indeed confirm places he would need to visit later and squirrel away items that were within his reach. (An actual legit Cultivation Manuel, even if it was only directed for growing crops and alchemy, was still his most proudest find, only needing a riddle to get and easily hidden in his pouch with his other learning books. Being an Author only got him so far, as every little detail was needed to ensure one stayed on a steady path, though did provide it’s own little boosts here and there.)

------=------

One day, when Shang Huan had been 13, sneakily already past the first part of Cultivation Qi Refining and entering into the first stage of Foundation Building, found his Mother to be ill, no Doctors seeming to be able to cure her (or willing too as he saw a servant of the Second Wife slip a few gold; he got his revenge in the end), Shang Huan took a deep breath and buckled down, doing all that his Mother said to do with the time she had left, learning as much as he could before it would no longer be open to him. 

(Like he could stay here in this den of vipers, without his Mother’s protection and love; there was nothing else for him here after all.)

In that time as his Mother stubbornly clung on, he listened as she mourned his chance to enter into the prestigious Cultivation Sect of Cang Qiong like the First Wife’s Third Son, Shang Shaoqing. She apologized greatly that she could not fight for him to get that chance, like so many of the other Mistresses did for their own children.

‘Huh,’ Airplane couldn’t help but think, ‘looks like I just dodged a arrow.’ though it was good to finally know just what the timeline was for the story; Shang Shaoqing was to be a certain traitorous Peak Lord after all.

As it was, his Mother showed her determination and spirit greatly, lasting till he was 16 before she finally past away, a smile on her face as she did, her son long gone with his inheritance and her blessing of broken ties, carrying her name meaning of Shang instead of his Father’s.

(If the night before, Shang Huan had decided to tell her of his other life, told her how this was a story he had happened to read, showing her a few of the treasure he had gathered, how he cried when Shang Wenyan had only smiled with a few too many teeth, her voice fierce as she praised her son with all her heart, hugging him close with what remained of her strength as she told him her last words.

“Live life however you want my child, live and dream and hope, do not be afraid to destroy any your way, and know I will love you always my greatest pride and joy.”

Well... no one needed to know about that.)

But with this new freedom came it’s cons as much as it’s pros. As he was stuck at a bottleneck in Foundation Building at Middle Stage, there was still a number of things outside his reach until at least Core Formation First Stage...

------=------

It was during his wandering, selling talismans he could make at his level, along with tales he made up that he finally got his big break.

He first heard tales of a powerful Resentful Spirit that was residing in a broken land near the Borders, no one from Demons to Humans wanting the land as it was deemed useless for all the resentful energy there, and no one bothering to pay a sect for what they considered a waste of money and time.

Shang Huan saw this, and wonder if it was what he recognized... Taking in more details and scoping out for any information, Airplane couldn’t help but wonder how lucky it was; this was indeed a spirit from one of his very first stories in fact. He knew exactly what to do.

Instead of fighting the Resentful Spirit, Shang Huan brought it pure cave water and incense, smelling of ash and jasmine. 

This certainly got the Spirit’s attention.

“What do you want Rogue?”

“I want for many things to be honest.” the brunet Cultivator smiled, not showing any teeth so as to make it look falsely gentle, “But for now, I admit I do desire your land.”

That got a huff for his efforts, the spirit a mass of negativity and ire, but actually still listening.

“You have provided the right offering, so I will give you a chance; bring me wine of the Soothing Jade Flower, the Broken Sword of Chun, and a branch of Deathly Yew... You get me these three things, and the land will be yours.” And with that shopping list given, the spirit was gone, even as the energy seemed thicker then before, the incense and water gone.  

And with an absolutely evil grin, Airplane was off; he had already remembered the Wine and branch, had even gotten them first as he had plans for them, but he had not remembered the broken blade.

Fortunately, it wasn’t too hard to find; he had written that the blade had been struck with a heavy stone in a battle between Demons and Cultivators on the borders of the land, where it would lay forever. And lo and behold, there was only one ancient battlefield it could be abandoned in, as this was PIDW.

There weren’t many left over from the borders after all, most of them being purified already. And as he thought, the Bloody Sword Grave was still around, a testament to just how much the resentful energy had soaked into the ground, demons and cultivators alike avoiding the place like the plague, even as bloody rusted swords stayed stabbed into the ground, their thirst and hatred still felt even to this day.

Couldn’t be compared to Xin Mo of course, but for being swords on the surface they sure were impressive. Ignoring all these deadly, intact blades stabbed into the ground, Shang Huan covered his face with a scarf drenched in purified Qi infused water, even as the talisman he sewed on for defense and purity glowed the more he traveled through.

He finally stopped at a blood splattered rock, digging carefully around it as he did, before he managed to pull out four broken pieces of what had once been a beautiful blade, but was now nothing but shambles and rags.

Having what he needed, Airplane made his way back to the spirit and their lands.

------=------

(This deadly spirit of a truly terrible Cultivator, who had been feared and revered for being a monster on the battlefield... cried as they saw the items laid out before them.

“Ah, no my Han-Er, my beloved figher... why you stupid, loveable fool...” The Spirit sobbed, easily using his energy to clean and reformed the blade, manipulating the energies of the other two items to aid it, ensuring the sword would still be pure, hugging it close even as it seemed to damage them.

“... He tried, to come back to you; his fellow soldiers betrayed him... He loved you so much... still does.” Shang spoke, watching as the spirit that laid resting in the blade finally came out with this truth, purifying the other as they did, along with most of the land around them.

The brunet had to look away from their reunion, their emotions a bit too much for him... This had been one of his first tragedies he had written, a solider and their beloved separated because of jealousy and hate, doomed to wait for each other forever, the solution to be so easy to have, if someone had given them a bit of kindness, to discover the truth of their separation, though never given the chance in the end... He never mention just what the Beloved’s gender was, made it ambiguous, but had in his mind of minds always thought of them as a man...

Maybe he shouldn’t have put too much of himself into his work, but a habit is so hard to break.

“... We truly thank you; as promised, the land is now yours to do with as you see fit; all you need to do is put your name on the deed and your blood into the ward stone. All the treasures inside are now rightfully in your ownership, so mote it be.” was announced, making Shang Huan turn to see two beautiful and handsome men smiling at him, before they bowed seeing they had his attention.

Airplane could only bow back, biting on the words of how he owed to them to do this at least.

And with that, they were gone, to enter finally into the cycle of reincarnation, together at last...)

------=------

Having his own place was wonderful; a lot of work, but wonderful all the same.

The wards around his land ensured no one with malice could actually enter it, along with protections against thieves and robbers like most noble Sects had. Shang Huan even went as far as to make sure he owned the plot of land in the official records, having everything stamped and recognized, even as he made sure no one actually looked too closely at what land it actually was.

He even made sure to pay his yearly taxes to the Emperor on time, making sure everything was nicely recorded and logged. (And seeing as he didn’t live in any town or such, he didn’t have to bother paying anything to any Lords for protection! How nice was that?)

But having a base of operations, one with land rich in Qi and perfect for Cultivating on, it not only gave Airplane security, but many other advantages as well.

He now had a place to securely put all the treasures he had gathered, which was a lot considering it was a variety of weapons, valuables, and even priceless seeds to plant. He could be completely self-sufficient as he cultivated, the spirits on the land easily convinced to do chores in exchange for sweets and treats (And being able to live in such a energy rich place). Not to mention how his Cultivation not only went up, but combined with other manuals that were treasures of the home, Shang was set on his way to being a powerful Cultivator in his own right.

And if he was feeling a bit cooped up, he could always go on journeys around his world, exploring and treasure hunting for odds and ends as he saw fit.

Soon enough, Shang Huan had managed to reach 34 years old, entering the Peak of Nascent Soul stage in his cultivation when, in a bit of boredom and interest, he bought out a debt ridden gambling house on the border of his territory, that rested in a ghost-like town on the border of the Human World and the Demon Realm.

It was, quiet frankly, just something to do to pass the time. It wasn’t too hard to fix the place up, and warding it had been a fun challenge of his skills, but he honestly hadn’t expected anything much of it, just putting a few of his lessor needed or easily replenished treasure up to be won. And making it to where anything bet could only be what one had to bet, alongside making sure others would have to honor it had been a fun spell to create, as he really didn’t want to be bothered by liars and braggarts and then having to chase them down. He even just made up some Golems and bargained with a few willing natural spirits to help run the place.

This was just suppose to be a fun little venture; he never expected it to blow up like it did.

------=------

It started slow; a trickle, with a whisper, a simple rumor.

There is a place where priceless treasure could be won; if you’re willing to bet for it that is. But be careful to not bite off more then you can chew, for it might be more then a bit of blood and coins you lose.

Some poor sods have even lost their very souls to the place, even now working where screams and laughter flow so freely to the terrible click the dice, the gentle flap of the cards.

It is a place no Mortal is safe, where no Demon has promise, where a Cultivator is honor bound to accept what is due; after all, no one has to enter the place, no one needs to keep coming back, no one has to bet their all, not all all. 

But oh, how they come; even those who dare not darken the doorway of that gambling hall come, filling what was once an empty town into one practically bustling with life. Funny, how it came about because of such a deadly place.

And oh, do not even bother messing with the Gilded Plane Gambling Hall’s Owner, a man who at first seems so weak and stumbling, so gentle and busy with their hard work, who at first couldn’t hurt a fly even as he smiles so prettily.

He’ll smile that same smile even as you sell your very soul at his tables, those gorgeous hazel eyes amused even as the crowds pant at his feet, screams all around from both terror and ecstasy.

(Shang Huan can’t help but sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose as he is once more offered someone’s entire being; if he’s said it once, he’s said it again, betting is at the tables, not at his feet.

Just another day it seems; hopefully there will be no explosions in the kitchen again.)  

-----------------------=-----------------------

0.0 huh, I did not expect this when I started writing; I just wanted to have Airplane have some fun in the world he created, maybe opening up a few businesses to make money on the side. I did not mean to make him into an oblivious Hua Cheng of the PIDW verse (Yes, in this verse, he will be as terrifying and pretty, I will not take criticism for it.)

Also, I was greatly inspired by Nighthaunting, though instead of ballet I have SQH as a theatre kid whose dreams got cut short due to bad luck and assholes. I love how they have built their world, and how they say that writing was probably a side thing for Airplane, which just makes so much sense. Also, I am all for Airplane being scary and fully taking advantage of his author knowledge, so haha! Hope you all enjoyed this story~

[boxoftheskyking]

Pick Up Every Piece - Part One

Ok things to know: -this does not take place in China. It does not take place in the US. It is the year 2000 in a fictional country that I control (this project is a challenge called Let’s Do Exposition). Just go with it. -It’s all talking. That’s what I do, you know this. -Warnings for stuff, I dunno I haven’t written it all yet. When it’s shiny it’ll go on AO3 but for now here’s what I got so far.  -There is a lot of alcohol in this fic -Like all fic writers I live on positive reinforcement and this shit is a lot of work. -The title may change, yes it is from NMH

---

There are bodies in the creek bed. Enough bodies to stop the flow of the water. Thirty at least, a dam of them. An old woman and a child. Clothes and hair sodden, darkened and wet. Clouds of darkness hovering in the air around them, seeping into dead flesh. An old woman and a child and others. Others in that middle age, the age that passes comment. Is it wrong that these two bodies stand out to him? After all, if he were among the bodies, if he was lying in this creek bed, thirty, skinny, and unremarkable, he would hardly notice himself. He’d blend into the pile, only serving to make the word a plural. Body becomes Bodies. Alters the language. Murder becomes Massacre. There are thirty bodies and hundreds, thousands of flies. Crawling on the back of the little boy’s hand. A smell like—not burning, not quite. Death. Not rot, fresh death. The sand under his feet is nearly dry. The creek bed is dry.

Wei Ying blinks. The creek burbles on alongside him, one duck lazily riding the current under a fallen branch and along to somewhere more interesting. It’s October, and beautiful, and there’s the smallest twilight bite in the air pricking at his nostrils on every inhale. He blows out a long breath and finds himself scratching at his arms, the backs of his hands, where the old scars are. They’re ugly, blotchy and dark like land masses on a faded old map, and they still itch sometimes. He rubs at them hard with the heel of his palm—it’s a weird half-feeling, the layers of dead tissue. It’s not dead, Wen Qing would correct him. It’s not necrotic, it’s just scarring. 

He steps around the gnarled roots that reach up from the banks, trying to get to the road but not ever making it. There’s a few muddy stuffed bears tucked among them, plastic wrap snagged on the bark from cheap drugstore bunches of flowers that have rotted away. A couple of carefully hand-painted wooden signs nailed to the trunks, trying to convince the place that people still remember.

He shakes himself and turns away from the woods, hopping the fence onto the road that leads to the bar. He’s late, but Li Chen is always late in the mornings so he deserves to work an extra fifteen minutes. It’s not like there’s a manager to yell at him.

The bar is across the street from an old gas station, one that got firebombed during the war and then left. That’s the thing about Yiling. Everywhere else, even up in Gusu, the cities have gotten rid of as much evidence as possible. Well, they’ve gotten rid of most and turned the rest into memorials to the victorious dead, nice and shiny and flying the Sunshot flag. Nobody really cares about appearances around Yiling—maybe the city council does, but they don’t have anywhere near the budget to run cleanup. Too much actual infrastructure got hit during the worst of the fighting, and they’ll be years behind the rest of the country for the next decade or so. Memorials here are all handmade, and none of them last long.

There’s a flag, though, spray painted on what’s left of the concrete wall of the gas station. A golden hand covering most of a red sun, partly covered by black—one finger for each of the four leading clans and a thumb for everyone else. Typical. He’s not sure who’d have painted a Sunshot here. No one local, he’d put money on it. He supposes they know about spray paint in Lanling—governments must adapt.

It’s probably intentional, anyway, the lack of cleanup. The lack of progress. Nightless City can be repurposed by the Jin government, but the site of the Massacre should stay ugly and busted for a few more years. So no one forgets what it looks like to lose.

Wei Ying likes it in Yiling. “It’s my kind of town,” he always tells Jiang Cheng, who usually throws something at his head. “You want to be a bartender in a town like this. In a town like this, people need a bartender. It’s nice to be needed, you know.” 

It’s a shitty bar by any other place’s standards, but for Yiling it’s cozy. The owner, who everyone just calls Granny, still orders sawdust for the floors like it’s 1860 or something, to soak up spills and puke and, occasionally, blood.

Jiang Cheng always says it’s only a matter of time before they have murder in the bar. “Manslaughter, at least,” he’ll say. “It’s just got that look.” Wei Ying says everyone in Yiling’s too tired. Mostly he and Wen Ning just roll drunks out onto the sidewalk and into a cab if someone can afford it. 

Jiang Cheng himself comes in around eight. It’s as much of a rush as they ever get, so he has to wait for a few old men to get their cheap lager and gin before sliding up to the bar on his usual stool. Wen Ning gives him a cheerful salute as he comes in, and Jiang Cheng nods awkwardly back at him.

“You’re back early,” Wei Ying says, drawing him a pint of something bitter. Jiang Cheng still lives in Yunmeng, in the old family home, but he has a sublet in Yiling now that he’s working for the intelligence department. Jin Zixuan calls it “cutting his teeth” monitoring old Wen strongholds. Jiang Cheng calls it “shoveling shit.”

It turns out cleaning up a civil war is a pain in the ass, even five years later.

“We should do lunch with Wen Qing on Saturday. She’ll want to see you.”

Jiang Cheng pulls out his annoying little planner, full of his cramped handwriting and meetings with this informant and that police sergeant. “Have to be brunch, I’ve got a twelve-thirty on Saturday.”

Wei Ying snorts at him. “Brunch, in Yiling. Good luck.”

“Hangover breakfast, then.”

“That we can do.”

Jiang Cheng takes a long pull of his beer and Wei Ying can see the relief run down him from the crown of his head down over his shoulders like something hot and slippery. Oil maybe, or homemade noodles. He groans and drops his head down behind his glass.

“Hey, Wei Ying!” An arthritic hand waves at him from the other end of the bar.

“Gotcha, Riseung,” he calls and starts fishing for the kahlua and cream. It’s always at the back of the cooler; no one else ever orders it. “You’re gonna work yourself into an early grave,” he tosses back at Jiang Cheng. 

“Not if you keep giving me beer.”

“Hey, Wei Ying, I saw that story last week. Hell of a thing.” Li Riseung has a little cream mustache, but Wei Ying’s not going to mention it.

“The gas thing?” Wei Ying grins at him. “Yeah, I’m telling you, it’s all connected. You watch the prices when Lanling tries to pass another referendum. It’s all supposed to soften you up. You got something for me today?”

“Still writing your conspiracy theories?” Jiang Cheng calls to him. “Some guys just don’t know when to quit.”

(Someone else comes up, he pulls a pint of stout.)

Riseung bristles. “Wei Ying is the only real journalist left in this country. You’ll see.”

Wei Ying props his chin on his folded hands and waits. Riseung takes another long sip. “Yu Xiuying’s got her popcorn maker up and running. She’s starting to sell what she can, make enough to get the theater back in order.”

“Really? That would be something. I’m sick of taking the train every time I want to see a movie.”

“You should report on that, get her some customers.”

Wei Ying drums his fingers on his chin. “Maybe we can work out an ad situation. I need more ads, you know. Papers ain’t cheap.”

Riseung finishes his drink, sets the glass down on the bar. He half-reaches for his pocket. “So, do I owe you, or . . .”

Wei Ying stifles a sigh. Technically it’s nothing he can use. He’s not about to publish an expose on popcorn. Still, he waves a hand. “Your money’s no good here. Go on, keep up the good work.”

The man grins up at him, flashing a row of silver fillings, and heads over to bother someone else. 

(Another customer—rum and Coke.)

“You’re just letting people drink for free, huh?” Jiang Cheng says. Wei Ying wanders back over to him, taking a sip of his own drink (coffee, plus whiskey, just enough to get through the shift).

“Reporting is all about cultivating sources, Jiang Cheng, even you should know that. Li Riseung is a source.”

“A source,” Jiang Cheng mutters. “He’s a drunk.”

“So’s everyone. This whole country’s full of drunks. Drunks make the world go around.”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “This city is fucking depressing.”

“Oh, and all of Lanling’s sober, is it? Yunmeng? Everybody’s living like Lans? You’d be much more pleasant with a few more of these in you.” Wei Ying grabs his pint glass and dumps the end of it out, refilling in the same smooth movement. It’s just out of spite. He shouldn’t be wasting a good few ounces of genuinely nice beer. But he can’t help it; Jiang Cheng brings it out in him. He spins and shimmies a bit to the bad pop song coming from the busted speaker above him and grabs a bin of limes to chop.

“When are you going to come home?”

Wei Ying doesn’t slip and cut himself, but it’s close.

“I live in Yiling, Jiang Cheng.”

“Yeah, for now.”

Wei Ying sighs. “I like it here, okay? You think they’d let me back in Yunmeng, after everything?”

“I’ve got influence now. They wouldn’t say anything.”

(Two lagers, shot of tequila.)

He hasn’t lived in Yunmeng in years. Almost a decade now. He was in Yunmeng at the start of everything, when Wen Ruohan was forced out of office and half the military went with him. He visits now, but there’s still that sense of before when he’s there, like the majority of his life hasn’t happened yet. But Jiang Cheng is never going to get that, he’s a linear person.

“Not saying anything isn’t the same as allowing. I’m not going to make you fight all day just so I can work at some bougie wine bar somewhere.”

“You wouldn’t have to work at a bar. You could—”

“What? Write? You think anyone anywhere is going to hire me at a paper again? Despite all the rumors, you’re not that dumb.”

“Fuck off. You could work with me.”

“Intelligence. Really? How do you think that would work out? ‘Yes, Jin Zixuan, whatever you say, Jin Zixuan—’”

“Fuck off.” 

Wei Ying shakes his head and scrapes a pile of lime wedges back in the bin. “I like where I am. I’ve got the paper—”

“It’s not a paper.”

Wei Ying doesn’t slam the knife down, but it’s a close thing. “Jiang Cheng—”

“You’re such a fucking martyr. What, you lose your dream job so you go to the ass crack of the world and set yourself up as king of nowhere?”

“I’m not king of anything, I’m just writing.”

(Three glasses of white wine.)

“Yiling Laozu.” Jiang Cheng clicks his tongue. “I know you can’t use your real name, but that’s embarrassing. Laozu. You and your sources.”

Wei Ying takes a breath and unclenches his jaw. “If Wen Qing were here you wouldn’t be calling us embarrassing.” 

“You’re embarrassing. She’s not embarrassing.”

“It’s our paper.”

“Wen Qing has dignity. You have none.”

Wei Ying gathers up his knife and cutting board to run them back to the dish pit. “Ah, Jiang Cheng, you love me. I know you do.”

It’s always a good way to end a conversation, their own private code. If you keep pushing here you’re going to break something. A warning. You love me. I know you do. Jiang Cheng doesn't ever deny it, but he never agrees either. He doesn't need to. Wei Ying has proof. The scars on the back of his hands, curling around his wrists and up his arms—burn scars, chemical burns—are proof. Jiang Cheng doesn't like to look at his hands. That's proof too. 

 When he comes back out, Jiang Cheng isn’t alone. The general noise of the bar has fallen to a murmur, and the rowdy game of dominoes is paused in the corner.

 Xue Yang is sprawled over two stools, dressed in shiny black leather and grinning a few inches away from Jiang Cheng’s face.

“How’s it going, Captain Jiang?”

Jiang Cheng leans away. “I don’t see you. You are not here.”

“Course not. Good boy.”

Jiang Cheng’s hand tightens around his glass, and Wei Ying picks up the pace slightly. 

“Leave him alone, Xue Yang,” he says, carefully mild.

The grin turns on him, and Xue Yang waves, his weird little black prosthesis sticking out like a lighting-struck tree. “You telling me what to do, Wei Ying?” 

“I would never. Here, have a drink. If you want.” He pours him a double from his own secret bottle, the one Granny gave him on a good night in the summer. It’s painfully ironic—Xue Yang would be the only person in Yiling who could afford it if he ever actually paid for it.

Wei Ying nods to him and slides the glass across the bar, along with the usual brown envelope. Jiang Cheng sighs and spins around on his stool, looking away.

“Feels light,” Xue Yang says, like always.

“It’s not,” Wei Ying says, also like always. 

Xue Yang grins around the little white stick hanging out of his mouth, and Wei Ying grins back. “Eight percent extra on anything you’re short next time.”

“It’s not short. And it’s five percent, don’t try to fuck with me.” Wei Ying smiles wider and does not blink.

“Maybe it’s changed.”

“Granny would tell me, and she wouldn’t hear it from you.”

“Maybe it’s changing today.” Xue Yang leans across the bar, not quite getting in his face, but close enough. Wei Ying meets Wen Ning’s eye over his shoulder. Wen Ning takes a few steps away from the door, but Wei Ying shakes his head just a fraction and he goes still.

“You don’t have the authority.” Wei Ying lets his grin go a little unnatural at the corners, a little bit of a snarl. “And it’s not short, so it doesn’t matter.”

Xue Yang laughs and tucks the envelope into his jacket, then takes a long swig. Wei Ying breathes, finally, quiet and careful.

“Xue Yang,” he says as he starts to wipe down the bar again. “You know you wound me.”

Xue Yang wipes his mouth on his sleeve. “Oh do I?”

“You know it hurts me, deep down in the soul parts of my body, to see you drink top shelf scotch with a fucking sucker in your mouth.” 

Xue Yang sticks out his tongue so Wei Ying can see the little yellow nub of it. “It’s pineapple.” 

“Great. Thank you. I’m going to go drink bleach now.”

Jiang Cheng half turns to glare at him. “That’s not fucking funny.”

Xue Yang chugs the rest of the scotch and tosses the empty glass at Wei Ying. He hates that it makes him flinch before he catches it. “Tell Granny I say hi.”

“Fuck off.”

“Hey, where’s the little one? Haven’t seen her in a minute.”

Wei Ying stiffens. “You’ll stay away from her if you cherish the rest of those fingers.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Xue Yang gives him a mocking salute and saunters back out towards the door. He’s nearly out when he knocks into an empty chair, sending it to the floor with a crack like a gunshot. No one hits the deck completely, but the held-breath silence turns into a gasp as all eyes snap to the sound, shoulders up and hands braced on tabletops, thighs tensed and ready to run. 

Even Xue Yang is frozen at the door for a second. He laughs, though his jaw is tight. “Just a chair, ladies and gentlemen. Clean this shit up, Wen Ning.” And he’s gone.

Wei Ying deflates, adding some of the good scotch to his own cup. Jiang Cheng makes a face.

“How’s that coffee?”

“Shut up.”

“You should let me talk to Zixuan.”

“You talk to him every day.”

“You know what I mean. How long have you been paying—”

Wei Ying sighs and flicks his rag at his brother. “Thing one: I don’t pay, Granny pays. Thing two: Xue Yang is just a low level street thug with connections, he’s as in charge of the operation as I am in charge of Yiling. Thing three: it all kicks up to the Jins at the end of the day, so what are they gonna do about it?”

“Zixuan isn’t—”

“Yeah, I know your best pal is the paragon of morality.”

(Scotch and soda, root beer, gin and tonic, and three pints.)

“He’s our brother-in-law.”

“And your brother-in-arms, I know, I’d never dare disparage the mighty—”

“He’s a nicer brother than you are.”

Wei Ying mimes a faint. “I’m going to call Shijie, tell her you’re being mean to me.”

Jiang Cheng goes quiet, looks down at his beer. Wei Ying reaches out for it, an offering.

“Another?”

Jiang Cheng shakes his head. “I shouldn’t.” A chunk of his hair comes loose from its tie, feathers across his forehead.

“When are you gonna cut that hair, huh?” Wei Ying flicks it back over his ear. Jiang Cheng swipes at his hand lazily.

“I like it like this.”

“You and Zixuan are twins now, huh? You cultivators. Does Lan Zhan still keep his long, do you think?”

“Dunno. Haven’t seen him in a long time. Stop it, leave it, I have it how I want it.”

Wei Ying laughs at him. “Looks good. Dignified. Hey, did you ever ask for Zidian back?”

Jiang Cheng’s face does something complicated, a little bitter. “Not gonna happen. No spiritual weapons are gonna be authorized any time soon.”

“Yeah, but it’s yours.”

“It’s not mine. It’s the government’s.”

“But it responds to you. What good does it do locked away in—”

“Leave it, Wei Ying. I know you’ve got opinions about cultivation, but I’m fucking tired and it’s not going to change anything.”

“Well, when you’re in charge. Then you’ll show ‘em.”

That does make Jiang Cheng laugh, which is satisfying.

(Two gin and tonics.)

“Hey, you’re not allowed—” Wen Ning calls from the door, followed by the tap-tap of a metal cane. Wei Ying sighs and reaches for the grenadine.

“Wei Ying, you son of a bitch.” The voice is high, reedy, and cackling. “How the hell are ya?”

“A-Qing,” Wei Ying calls mildly. “You can’t be here.”

“Where is here?” she yells, as always. “How am I supposed to know that? Can’t you tell I’m blind?”

“Get out of my bar.”

“Discrimination!” She makes her way across the room, purposely bumping into every occupied table on her way over, just to slosh beer onto the floor.

“You’re fourteen.” He has her cherry soda on the bar by the time she hops up on the stool next to Jiang Cheng, ignoring him entirely.

“And how do you know that, creepy old man?”

“You made me get you a cake for your birthday, you goblin.”

“Who’s this guy?” She takes a long slurping suck from her straw.

“My didi.”

“You—!” Jiang Cheng hates it, which is the only reason Wei Ying says it.

“Ooh, the famous Jiang Cheng. I bet he looks real grumpy.”

“Yep.”

Jiang Cheng flips him off. He grins and goes back to wiping down the drain.

“He just flipped you off, didn’t he?”

“Yep.”

“Nice.” She finishes her drink and slams the glass down. “Double vodka please.”

“Nope.”

“I drink vodka all the time.”

“Don’t care. I’m not getting fired over your sorry ass. Go drink at home.”

“I’m not allowed vodka at the home.”

“And you’re not allowed here either.” He drops the rag back into the sanitizer and leans his elbows on the bar. “Now, are you here with something interesting or just to pester me?”

Jiang Cheng looks like he’s about to interject, but Wei Ying waves him off.

“I can multitask,” A-Qing says before pushing her glass back across the bar. “More sugar first.”

“Diabetes on the rocks, yes madam.”

She takes a long slurping pull, and he folds his arms, waiting. 

“Got a new TV at the home. Real big one.”

“A-Qing, I’m waiting.”

Jiang Cheng squints at her. “How do you know how big the TV is?”

“I just know, okay. Anyway. One of the older kids got it. Bought it himself.”

“Yeah, right,” Wei Ying says. He needs to challenge her if she’s going to give him the whole story. If he seems too interested she’ll draw it out just to fuck with him.

“He did. Wen Changming.”

“A Wen?” Jiang Cheng asks.

Wei Ying rolls his eyes. “Lots of Wens in the children’s home. I wonder why.”

Jiang Cheng makes a sour face at him.

“He’s got cash to burn, suddenly. Pockets full.”

“Gee, I wonder how you found that out.”

A-Qing grins at him. “He’s not gonna miss it. He’s in the club now.”

“The club?”

“You know, the club. What do you call it? Do crimes, get money.”

“Mob? Syndicate? Criminal organization?” Jiang Cheng offers.

“So they’re recruiting at the home, that’s what you’re telling me? Is it Xue Yang?”

A-Qing blows bubbles in her soda. “I don’t know, maybe.”

“Must be desperate.”

“You do the same thing.”

“I do not.”

She holds out a hand. He sighs and passes over a couple of bills. 

“You staying there tonight?” he asks, all casual.

“Maybe. The girls are annoying. Should be nice outside.”

“Starting to get cold.”

“Not really. Only if you’re a pussy.”

“You call me if you need to crash. Here.” He drops a couple of coins in front of her. “I’ll be home after midnight.”

“Sure thing, boss,” she says, pocketing the change. She gives a little salute and hops off her stool. “So long, Wen Ning!” she shouts, walking right at him and making him hop out of the way.

She’s not really blind, of course. Wei Ying’s never brought it up—he knows, but he’s not sure she knows that he knows. One of the nights she crashed at his apartment, months ago, he caught her reading through one of his binders of old clippings—‘91, back before the start of the war, when he was still in Gusu. It kind of kills him, because he wants to ask her what she thought of them. What she remembers from back then, if there’s anything. But they don’t talk about anything serious, not if they can help it.

“Please tell me you don’t have a teenage girl staying at your place,” Jiang Cheng says. Wei Ying gives him a great sigh and grabs his rag again.

“Only when she's got no other place to go. Oh, I have a futon now! You’d see it if you ever came over.”

“Wow, great, you're thirty years old and you have a secondhand futon. Mother would be so proud.”

“I didn't say it was secondhand.”

“Wei Ying, trust me, you do not need to.”

 (Four pints.)

Wei Ying makes a face at him. “So mean.”

“It’s weird that she stays with you.”

Wei Wuxian sighs again. “Jiang Cheng.”

“It is. It’s weird.”

“If it’s a bad night at the home then she sleeps outside. I don’t like her sleeping outside, so she stays with me. When she’s not being ornery.”

“She’s a teenage girl.”

“She’s a baby.”

“Not your baby. Why would she sleep outside anyway? Yiling sucks.”

“The home sucks. Look, it’s an orphan thing. You wouldn’t understand.”

Jiang Cheng pouts. “Hey, I’m an orphan.”

“No you’re not, you’re a grown up.”

(Whiskey, neat.)

“You’re a grownup. My parents are dead; I’m an orphan.”

“Then everyone’s a fucking orphan in this country. The word’s lost all meaning. From now on, if your parents were alive when you were ten, you’re not an orphan. Find a new word, leave ours alone.”

“You’re such a jackass.”

“Jackass! Yes, that’s a good word.”

Jiang Cheng sighs and gets off his stool. He tosses cash down on the bar, though Wei Ying tries to wave him off.

“Oh, you’re going to want to get a flag up in here,” he says, off-hand as he turns to go. 

Wei Ying freezes. “Excuse me?”

“Coming down from on high, it’s going to be a new ordinance. To keep the liquor license.”

“The fuck does a flag have to do with our liquor license?”

Jiang Cheng holds up his hands. “I’m just the messenger.”

“I’m not letting the Sunshot flag through these doors.”

Jiang Cheng turns back to him, serious. “Look, I know you have your own . . . feelings—”

“Feelings?” he almost spits, spreading his hands out on the bar.

Jiang Cheng winces and does not look at them. “You have your reasons, I’m not arguing that. But Yiling’s a part of the Republic and people need to get used to it. You don’t have to like it, but your district rep is going to announce the policy in the next week, and I don’t want to see you— Don’t go out of your way to make life difficult, all right? It’s hard enough already.”

Wei Ying says nothing, just leans back and watches the rag twist and untwist between his hands.

“See you Saturday,” Jiang Cheng offers, hesitates, then leaves.

Wei Ying will close up. They close early, still, kick everyone out before midnight. Old habits. He’ll go home and work on his column, the one corner of the paper Wen Qing leaves for whatever he wants. (Literally, the column is called “Whatever.”) Maybe A-Qing will find a pay phone and call him, if she hasn’t spent or hidden the change, or maybe she’ll just show up and lean on the buzzer until he lets her in. He’ll sleep better, if she’s there. He was never meant to live alone.

And he’ll wake up tomorrow, and try to do it all again.

Part Two

[the-panwitch]

Set Me Free (Pt 1)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: This is a request for @lazydogscatsperson and it will be made into two parts because I got carried away and it’s very long. I hope you enjoy it even though I said it was just going to be one part. Oops. 

Warnings: lots of kidnapping, there’s a mention of rats, drinking, angst, fluff, confusion, Felix is gay, swearing, if there’s anything else I should add let me know

Word Count: 5574

Pairing: Peter Pan x Hook!Reader

Summary: Y/n Hook is the rebellious thief who can always hold her own and get herself out of trouble. So what happens when what was supposed to be an easy theft gets her taken to Neverland to meet the villain of her father’s stories? 

Sidenote: It was requested that it be a female reader so that’s why it’s gender specific. Some details from the original request were changed or taken out depending on if they made sense or helped move the story forward. I hope you still enjoy it regardless. Part 2 will be out hopefully within a day or two. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2

Yelling. Jewels. Talismans. Booze. Brawls. Food. These were the sights, smells, sounds that created the atmosphere of the marketplace. To many people it was untidy and awful and a place to only go with extreme caution and a guarded coin pouch, but to you it was a sight for sore eyes. It had been months since you had last been to the marketplace since you had been out at sea with your father, Captain Hook, for so long. So, being able to see people who weren’t members of the crew and to smell things that weren't salt water was a bit refreshing. 

You strolled down past the tents and tables with ease, smirking a bit when merchants and buyers did double takes to look back at you. As the daughter of Captain Hook, you had quite a bit of a reputation. A fierce fighter, a rebellious punk, a bit of a thief, these were the titles that you had been granted over the years. It wasn’t unlike you to be the cause of some of the brawls seen here in the marketplace. After all, you loved being able to make grown men weep at your feet. 

However, that wasn’t the reason you were here. No, your stroll had purpose to it. You weren’t here to sight see or fight. You were here for a certain somebody, and that somebody was sitting at a table underneath a faded blue tent, polishing a blood red gem on an ornate necklace. 

The woman looked up as you walked over, slowly setting the necklace down with a sly grin. You knew every item on that table was stolen, from the large silver mirrors to the smallest spoon.The woman was tall, skinny, and rather beautiful with long hair. She, of course, knew of her attractiveness and used it to her advantage. Fools were made of men when they saw her smile. This was something you both had in common. Another thing was the shining e/c color in your eyes.

“Hello mother,” you spoke with slight boredom in your tone. 

“Hello daughter,” she said as she straightened out her collection of rings. “What have you brought?”

This was how it always was. A curt greeting before she went back to business. You sighed as you dropped a bag of various trinkets you had picked up from your months long voyage. She dived into the bag, picking at the items like a vulture. There were several things such as combs, bracelets, even a gold tooth that you had taken after you punched it out of a man dumb enough to whistle at you. 

You roll your eyes as she mutters to herself, criticizing most things and being silent when she actually likes something. She’ll try and sell all of it regardless, but this was still the reason why you tended to avoid your mother for long periods of time instead of being with her like a normal daughter. You were the product of an unfortunate one night stand between your mother and father many years ago. Your mother regretted it, and your father regretted your mother. Not you, though. You, he wouldn’t trade for all of the riches of the world. 

“You know, I heard there was a ship out not far from here rumored to be stocked with valuables,” your mother stated with an evil look in her eyes. “Might be worth looking into.”

“Yeah,” you said with a sneer. “Do more work for you when you don’t even appreciate what I bring you.” 

She stared back at you blankly, boredom replacing the mischief in her e/c orbs. You sighed and shook your head before turning on the heel of your buckled boots, walking away from her. She knew she probably wouldn’t see you for another few months, hell she might never see you again, but she said no words. After all, you were nothing more than a reminder of a night she desperately wanted to forget. Of a man she desperately wanted to forget. 

You stalked back down the aisles you had walked over just mere minutes before. You ignored the faces of the onlookers as you walked, one step, then another, your mind anywhere but the marketplace now. Your mother always had that effect on you. You hated it. 

Before you knew it you had walked yourself back down to the docks. You gazed around you lazily. You could see your father and his crew as they restocked the Jolly Roger with supplies for the next voyage. Near them was another ship. A very expensive looking ship. Your mother’s words rang in your ears and an idea sang with them. A very bad idea, but also a fun one. So of course you acted on it. You began to walk towards the ship, hands in the pockets of your coat as you walked with confidence. Nobody questioned you as you strutted right up to the ship and onto the deck. Nobody ever did. You always managed to make it look like you belonged in places you had every reason not to. 

The deck didn’t have a speck of dirt on it. You saw why when you noticed the man mopping a few feet away. You chuckled softly as you moved swiftly towards the hatch that led to the hold under the deck. Even the wood of the hatch was smooth as you lifted it up to step down the stairs. 

It was darker down in the hold. The smell of the sea and of rum filtered through the air as you crept down the hallways. You figured you wouldn’t find much of interest down here and you were right as you walked past boring supplies and sleeping areas for the crew. No. The real score would be in the Captain’s Cabin. You were sure of it. 

You turned back the way you came and walked back up to the deck. Gaining back your confident-walk-of-purpose, you moved towards the Captain’s Cabin. Hardly anyone was around to see you as you picked the lock on the intricately carved door with a couple of hairpins. It swung open easily and you walked in quickly, closing the heavy door behind you. 

When you turned back around to look at the room, your eyes were blown wide. It was packed with things like maps and swords and chests that you were sure were filled with gems and fine clothes and who knew what else. A hammock hung in the corner and a large dark desk sat in the middle of the room, a map laid out with a knife in it. You knew you had to be quick. The Captain could be back any moment and you were sure you had been gone far longer than your father would have allowed. 

You crept along the wood floor adorned with colorful rugs with the grace of a master thief, which you were. You began to pocket things. A scroll, a fountain pen, a gold chain. They all went into your knapsack. As you reached the desk, you looked at the knife stabbed into the map. It was a gorgeous little thing, silver blade with a black hilt adorned with gems of various colors and sizes and a handle grip of black leather. Naturally, you pulled it out of the wood and slipped it into the sheath you had strapped to your thigh. It was only then that you looked at the map. Neverland. You had heard of that place. Your father told you stories of the dark forests, dreaded mermaids, cruel boys, and the evil boy king. Why would these pirates be heading there?

Before you could fathom an answer, you felt a lurch that made you stumble slightly. Your eyes widened as you ran towards the porthole window that occupied a great portion of the wall. Your fears were confirmed when you saw the dock getting farther and farther away by the second, the Jolly Roger fading in the distance. 

Maybe you could still make it. You could probably swim that far, right? You carefully exited the Captain’s Cabin unnoticed by the crew now swarming the deck, and walked briskly to the edge of the main deck. As you were bracing yourself to jump, a shout rang out drawing your attention. 

“Ready yourselves!” came the gruff voice of a man standing near the wheel. He was holding something small between his fingers. “Today, we conquer Neverland!” 

At this, the crew cheered and hollered while beating their fists and swords in the air. It was that moment that you noticed what it was the man was holding. Fear and astonishment gripped you as you ran as fast as you could to the side of the ship, but it was too late. By the time you reached the edge, he had dropped the magic bean into the water, and you were gone. 

————————

So, you weren’t in the best situation. The ship had landed a bit away from the shore of Neverland and you discovered that the man who had dropped the bean was the Captain. Captain Bart, to be precise. And you, well, after crying out “No!” in a fit of frustration it didn’t take long for you to be discovered. You were now sitting in a cell deep within the hold after trying to fight off a majority of the crew, and it was awful. 

The cell was small, damp, and smelled. The occasional rat would run by, but you didn’t mind that much. It was better than being lonely. They had taken back all of the items you had stolen except for the knife. The idiots were too busy admiring the strings of your corset to notice the gemmed hilt. So, here you were, using said knife to carve obscene and profane phrases into the rotted wood. 

You had been sailing around in circles for hours now. It was boring and you desperately wanted to get out and see the island despite all of the warnings your father had given you. There were guards stationed outside your cell, two of them. From the stench coming through the cell door, you could tell they were drinking. By nightfall you’d make your escape. It was only a matter of time. You leaned back into your corner more, watching the world outside of your small window. 

————————

Drunk pirate song and the twinkling light of stars. That was your signal as you stood and stretched, getting out your hairpins as you sauntered over to the door. You stood and waited for a second to listen to the slurred lyrics and snoring coming from the pirates outside. A smirk crawled its way onto your face as you picked the lock. 

The door slowly creaked open, the pirate who was awake looked at you in confusion. Before he could open his booze stained mouth, you had elbowed him in the jaw, knocking him out. You dusted off your hands and, after making sure the pirates had nothing of value on them, went on your way to the top deck. 

Most of the crew had disappeared down into the hold to sleep. The ones that were left on the deck were all busy with some job or with drinking. What was with pirates and drinking? You wrinkled your nose at them as you moved towards the edge of the ship. You weren’t going to fail this time. 

The water was dark and ominous below you. The wind pulled at your puffed sleeves and skirt. It felt like danger, and you were living for it. With one last look behind you, you jumped into the water. 

The first thing that shocked you was the cold. It was the kind of cold to go straight through your skin to your bones and hold on until you couldn’t move. The next thing was the visibility. There wasn’t any. The last thing was the sound. It wasn’t the muted sound of the waves as they pulled at you. It was laughter. Cruel, sharp, femine laughter. It wasn’t until a hand with claws grabbed onto your ankle that you remembered about the mermaids. 

You were being dragged down. The cold left you powerless. Another clawed hand on your calf. Another on your arm. Another. Another. You couldn’t move. You needed air. The only thing you could feel through the cold was the claws and your lungs. As you fought for your life a thought graced your mind: Would your father find out what happened to you? Would your mother? Would she care?

You barely realized that you had been thrashing against them until you felt the scaly hand around your wrist let go. You grabbed for the knife at your thigh, fumbling with frozen fingers. The handle was heavy in your hand as you swung it, the shrieks from the mermaids assaulting your ears. You kept swinging and swinging, trying not to black out as you stabbed at them. You kicked with your now free feet, rising. Rising towards air, to safety. 

When your head broke the surface and you drank in the salty sea air, you laughed in triumph. It was a breathy, weak, barely there laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. You turned around and looked towards shore. It wasn’t too far away, but you needed to get out of the water quickly before another mermaid came by or you froze to death. You started swimming towards shore. 

By the time you got there, you couldn’t feel your legs or your arms, or any part of you for that matter. You dragged yourself across the wet, gritty sand, your body feeling a million times heavier than normal. The sand clung to your skin as you collapsed from exhaustion. You were battered, bruised, tired, but you had made it. You had gotten free. 

A sigh of relief left your frozen lips, but the snap of a twig took it right back. You shakily lifted your head and felt your heart sink. Through your half-closed eyes you could see twenty, no, forty figures shrouded in cloaks and villainy. The last thing you saw before you passed out was the figures moving towards you like the shadows from the depths of your darkest thoughts.

————————

It was quiet when you woke up. The kind of quiet that was dangerous, unnatural. You opened your eyes slowly and a low groan of pain escaped your throat. Your muscles ached all over and now that you were warm you could feel the stinging from the mermaid scratches. 

As you slowly sat up, you took in your surroundings. It looked as though you were in a cabin of sorts. There wasn’t anything in the small room except for the bed that you lay upon. You gingerly pulled back the fur blankets covering you and stood up, swaying a little. 

After gaining your balance, you moved to the door. Locked. You scowled and moved towards the one window on the opposite wall. Shut tight. Great. You were a prisoner yet again. You reached for your hairpins, but they weren’t there. Neither was your bejeweled knife. Or any of your other knives. Those bastards had taken your stuff! You growled out in frustration and tried to open the door again with no success. So, you tried again. And again. Then back to the window. Then the door again. 

You didn’t know how long you were in that stupid cabin, but it was definetly long enough for you to start to lose your mind. You had momentarily given up on the window and door as you laid out in the center of the floor, staring up at the wood ceiling like you could summon an exit just by staring. 

“Having fun there, love?”

You didn’t want to say that you screamed, but there was definitely an exclamation of surprise as you scrambled to your feet, fists raising into a fighting stance. The speaker was sitting on the bed, a smirk dominating his face. 

You know the first thought that should have crossed your mind was How did you get in here? or maybe even Ah! Neverland person! Danger! but no, your first thought just had to be Oh damn because the boy, who was staring up at you with the most amused facial expression ever, was really, really attractive. He wore dark green clothes with knee high boots and his brown hair was a little messy, but you knew from the wickedness of his smile and the devilish look in his eyes who this was. 

“Peter Pan,” you hissed. 

His eyebrow lifted as he grinned. “So you know who I am.” 

“I know of you,” you stated, raising your fists more as he stood. “I’ve heard...stories.” 

“Stories from whom? Hopefully friends,” he said with a light chuckle. 

You decided it probably wasn’t a good idea to mention your father. You knew they were definitely not friends. “Just talk from people who speak about an arrogant boy who plays king.” 

He had started walking towards you, but you kept your footing. He stopped when he was about a foot away from you. You watched as his green eyes looked over your face, and for a horrible second you thought he had recognized you, but instead he just said, “I play a lot of things, love. But on Neverland I really am the king, and you will play by my rules.” 

It was your turn to smirk as you took a step closer to him, your chests nearly touching. You knew you should be afraid, be angry, be something, but at that moment all you felt was that you had a new game to play. 

“I play by my own rules, Pan,” you whispered. “And you, nor no one else, will ever change that.” 

He looked taken aback slightly, but laughed a bit. “Was that a threat, lass?” 

“A promise,” you retorted. 

He nodded slowly and looked over you with a newfound curiosity. “What’s your name?” he asked after a moment. 

You bit your lip slightly before answering slowly. “Y/n. I’m Y/n. Where are my things?” 

Pan shrugged, a sly smile gracing his lips. “All in due time, love.” 

You glared a bit as he disappeared, vanishing before you could blink. 

————————

It had been a few days. Pan would visit you in the cabin, always just randomly appearing inside and then disappearing without ever touching the door. He would bring you your meals during these times, and at one point he even offered to heal your wounds. You had refused, of course. He was the dangerous demon king your father told you stories about. You may flirt with him and engage in playful, witty banter, but you didn’t trust him. Not by a long shot. He did keep you in this stupid cabin all day every day, after all. 

That’s what you both were doing right now, actually. Playful insults, batting eyelashes, trying desperately not to look weird as you tore into your lunch. 

Pan was laughing lightly at something you had said when he trailed off strangely. You looked up at him with a questioning gaze. 

“Something wrong?”

He looked back at you quickly and shook his head slightly. “No. I just decided that I would like to take you into camp today,” he stated with a shrug. 

Your eyes widened a little. “You mean I get to leave?” 

He rolled his eyes and nodded. “Yes you get to leave. You’ll also meet my boys.” He stood up calmly and brushed off his pants like he hadn’t just given you your freedom. 

“Yes!” you cheered as you stood up. “Do I get my stuff back?” 

“Maybe.” You hadn’t realized he’d moved behind you until his breath fanned over the back of your neck. “If you behave.”

Naturally, you elbowed him in the gut. Hard. When you turned around, he was doubled over slightly and holding his stomach. 

“What the hell, Y/n?” he asked angrily, his eyes flashing darkly. You just shrugged and smiled, knowing he wasn’t going to do anything. If he was, he would’ve done it the first time. Or the fourth. 

He sighed deeply and straightened up.  He shook his head at you before turning and walking to the door. Your heart raced a little as you walked closer to him. Finally, this is what you had been waiting for. He grabbed the handle, and it turned without a fight. The door was open. 

You rushed out past him, eyes widening in disbelief. There was so much green everywhere. Used to the blue of the sea and tan of the sand, you didn’t think you had ever seen so much green anywhere. Trees and vines covered nearly every inch of the ground. What wasn’t covered was littered with fallen leaves and grass. Birds sang overhead and for a moment you forgot that this was the hellscape of your father’s stories. For a moment, it was an oasis. A place of your dreams, so new yet, strangely familiar. 

You hadn’t realized that Pan was already walking ahead of you until you heard him clear his throat. The leaves rustled under your boots as you ran after him, ready for a new adventure.

The cabin wasn’t as far from the camp as you had thought. It only took a few minutes of walking before you reached the area of trampled ground that the Lost Boys called home. There was a fire pit in the center and tents around the perimeter, but most importantly, there were the Lost Boys. The figures who had taken you. You felt a slight twinge of anger towards them, but Pan had already apologized for that earlier when he explained how you had intruded on the island. It didn’t mean you forgave them or that it was okay, but at least he apologized. You also punched him for it, so you were even. 

The boys stopped what they were doing when they realized their leader was back. Pan motioned for you to wait where you stood while he kept walking. You, however, didn’t wait and instead walked right behind him much to the astonishment of the Lost Boys who watched you closely. 

Pan opened his mouth to speak, but when he noticed he wasn’t the center of attention, he turned and looked at you. You smiled innocently at him as he scowled back. He sighed deeply before turning back to the anxiously waiting crowd. 

“Well, boys,” he started with a sharp tone of voice you weren’t used to. “A few days ago you brought me someone who had washed up on our shores. A girl. She has been kept up in the hut for a bit, but now I have decided that it’s time for you guys to meet her. So, everyone, this is Y/n.”

You smiled at the boys as they gawked at you. The younger ones looked up at you in that hopeful innocence that youth holds, while the older ones looked at you in the way that made you wonder exactly how long it had been since they had last seen a girl. Oh boy. 

————————

It had been several weeks since Pan had introduced you to the boys, and honestly it was going pretty well. The younger boys adored you, especially Cassie, Parker, and Thomas. Those three were constantly following you around and they always hid with you whenever Pan and the boys played manhunt. They always got you caught, too. 

The older boys weren’t bad. Either they respected you or you broke their nose. You were pretty close with Felix, but you were still closest with Pan. 

The more time you spent with them, the less and less they seemed like the supernatural demons from the stories of your childhood. Sure, Pan had a temper and oftentimes you would step between him and a Lost Boy before a fight could go too far, but still these boys were children. The monsters that used to haunt your nightmares were just humans. 

You liked it on Neverland. Pan had given up on trying to tell you what to do, and instead you did whatever you pleased. You could wander the island as you pleased. You were careful of dreamshade and mermaids, of course, and you didn’t go into the dark forest because you were rebellious, not stupid. 

You were planning on going on another escapade today when Pan walked over to you. He sat beside you on the log you had been resting on. 

“Can I help you?” you asked as you laced up your boots. 

“Yeah. You can take these back. I’m tired of having them clutter my shelves.” 

You looked up at him as he handed you a cloth sack. Hope surging through your veins, you tore open the bag. There it all was. Your hairpins, tools, the knife. He had given you your stuff back! About time, too. If he didn't have his cabin so heavily protected with magic, you would have gotten it all back a lot sooner. 

You looked back up at him about to say something, but he was already walking away. You frowned a bit as you watched him. He had been uncharacteristically distant lately, hardly talking to you or even looking at you. It saddened you a bit. As hard as you tried not to, you had befriended him. And you tried even harder to stop it, but you also were falling for him. 

You sighed as you stood, slipping the knife into your sheath and putting your things back where they belonged. Grabbing some food and shoving it all into your new bag, you headed out of the camp. 

You had learned where all the best paths were, the places where the ground was smoothed by years of walking. The path you were on led you through the jungle and down towards the beach. You knew Pan didn’t mind it when you went down to the beach. After all, you never really tried to escape,but you did miss your father and the Jolly Roger. 

Loneliness and old memories drifted through your mind as you walked along the dirt trail. Eventually, you reached the beach that you had nearly died to get to so many weeks ago. It didn’t really feel like weeks, though. In a place where time stood still, there was hardly any concept of time at all. 

The sand moved under your feet as you walked making it hard to stay upright. You sat down near the edge of the water, just close enough to where the waves could occasionally reach your feet. You sat while hugging your knees close to your chest, thinking.

You thought about your father, how worried he probably was. You thought about the pirates who brought you here, who Pan and the Lost Boys had driven away. You thought about Pan, too. He was acting so strange and you didn’t know why. Lately, you had seen him talking with Felix more so than usual. He often looked angry, or sometimes even confused. You had tried asking him about it once and he snapped at you for eavesdropping. He didn’t mean to, though, and he apologized to you afterward, but it still hurt a bit and was super confusing. Especially since he hardly ever apologized. 

Everything about Pan was super confusing. You knew he was capable of evil, hell you’d seen it in the way he yelled at the boys and how they always seemed so hesitant around him, but it never seemed to be to the standard that your father held him to. Was your dad wrong? Or had Pan just changed? What was even more confusing was how you felt about him. You knew you were attracted to him and you hated it. Mostly because you knew he wouldn’t like you back. Felix had told you that Pan wasn’t big on relationships. They made him look soft, and he didn’t want to give his enemies that advantage. At least, that’s what he had told Felix when the second-in-command tried to make a move. Well, at least the blond boy got over him and was now getting it with Pan’s champion hunter, Lucas. 

You huffed in frustration as you fell back against the sand. Why did you have to feel so trapped all the time? Every single time you thought you had gained freedom something ruined it. Freedom from your mom? Guilt and feeling obligated to help her. Freedom from your dad? He was protective and you missed him. Freedom from those pirates? Mermaids. Freedom on Neverland? Couldn’t leave. Freedom from the crushing weight of your feelings? Pan. Fucking damn it all to Hell. 

“You okay there, love?” Speak of the devil. 

You scowled a bit as a shadow blocked out the sun. Pan stood over you and looked down with what seemed like genuine concern. You resisted the urge to punch him. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” you answered bitterly. “What do you want? Aren’t you busy discussing whatever with Felix?” 

His eyebrows furrowed as he sat down beside you. “What are you talking about?”

“You, Pan. I’m talking about you.” You sat up and glared at him a little. “You with your sneaking off and leaving every time I try to talk to you. You and your conversing with Felix and then yelling at me when I ask about it. You and your stupid eyebrows and being so confusing all the time. Just you!” You shouted and jabbed a finger at his chest. 

Now it was his turn to be confused. “Y/n, you know I didn’t mean to yell at you like that. I was just frustrated. And what about my eyebrows?” 

You made a noise of frustration and threw your hands in the air. The waves lapped at your feet, their murmurs calming you a little. 

You sighed quietly after a moment and turned back to him. “Why have you been avoiding me? And don’t say you haven’t been because yes you have.” 

Pan bit his lip slightly and glanced down. You would have said he looked embarrassed if you hadn’t known any better, but then again maybe you didn’t know better. You had fallen for the devil, hadn’t you? 

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said slowly. “I was just...I was trying something.” From the look on your face he realized this wasn’t the best answer to give and he quickly back peddled. “I mean I was seeing if I was right about something, uh, was figuring something out.” 

You rolled your eyes and scoffed at his lousy reply. Of course it was strange to see him stumbling over his words and getting all flustered over whatever it was, but he was still being annoying. Damn him for being cute while doing it, though. 

“And what, exactly, were you trying to figure out, Pan?” you asked in a harsh and bored tone. 

He waited a moment, perhaps hoping the waves or the wind would answer for him instead. However, nothing came to his aid. Peter Pan was on his own as he faced your stone-cold e/c eyes. 

You shook your head and started to get up and walk away when he blurted out the one thing you had expected the least. 

“I was trying to figure out if I loved you or not!” 

You stopped where you stood, just a few feet away from him but it felt like it was a lot further for some reason. When you turned back around, slowly, Pan was sitting exactly where you left him, but he looked different. You knew he hadn’t changed at all, but now he looked smaller. Vulnerable. Even, if you looked close enough, scared. And he was staring at you with those wide green eyes, waiting. 

“What did you just say?”

He swallowed thickly and held your gaze. “I said I was trying to figure out if I loved you or not. And...Y/n I think I do.” 

Your breath caught in your throat a bit. He loved you back? What the fuck? You slowly walked back over and sat in front of him. You searched his face, looking for any sign of a trick, a game, but he looked so genuine that you wanted to believe him. 

“Do you really mean that?” you asked softly, and he nodded a little bit. 

“I think...I might love you, too. Is that weird?”

He smiled and relaxed a bit. “I don’t think so.” 

“But what about your reputation? And all that stuff about your enemies?”

He laughed a little and took your hand, and you would be lying if you tried to say there weren’t any butterflies. You weren’t going to say anything about it, but still. 

“I think having someone as badass as you by my side makes up for it.” 

“So...just to make things official. Are you going to be my boyfriend, Pan?”

“Call me Peter, and only if you’d like me to.” 

You smiled softly and gently pulled him over so that you could nestle into his side, and that was an answer enough to him. It felt so right, being there with him. So right, in fact, that you both fell asleep right there on the beach, snuggled into one another’s arms. Who knew Peter Pan was so comfy? Being with him now felt so liberating, and you never wanted it to change. However, neither of you were up to notice when a certain ship sailed out of the fog and towards the shore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[theshelbycurse]

Escaping Bodyguards

OC Shelby!Sister

Summary: Lyssa Shelby is the twin sister of Finn Shelby and has always been protected fiercely by each and every one of her siblings. On the day of her brother’s wedding, Lyssa finds herself trying to navigate the ways of her protective older brothers while also having a bit of fun. 

Warning: swearing, drinking and the tiniest crumb of smut that you can easily skip. (with an OC, NO incest will be happening today people.)

*not my gifs

Words: 5848

Today was the day. Throughout the many trials and tribulations that this family had faced together, Lyssa had to admit the strangest sight she has ever had a chance to witness was her brother, Thomas Shelby, standing in a Church, waiting for his bride. 

Growing up in the Shelby clan, was unconventional to say the least. With an illegal betting shop running rampant on a daily basis just underneath her feet, to men with guns turning up on her doorstep for a various sleuth of reasons. It had reached a point where Lyssa would open the door and simply sigh in boredom of the predictability of it all. 

Though while most would think that because Lyssa belonged to the most powerful family in Birmingham that her life was filled with excitement and adventures to an enviable amount. But sadly for the fifteen year old that most certainly was not the case. As Lyssa found herself with three and a half (Finn really tries his hardest sometimes) bodyguards spoiling any fun she might have. 

Every time so much as a drop of whiskey ends up in her glass, Arthur is the one to steal it from her grasp and finish it off in one annoying gulp. Any time a lad so much as looks in her direction, John has stormed over to go and rob them of their eyes. And if it probably weren’t for Aunt Pol’s words of restraint then Lyssa was sure that all the boys in Birmingham would have been blind

But Tommy, he was by far the worst. 

Since the moment that Tommy had locked eyes on the bouncing babe, the heart that he so adamantly denies owning melted to a pathetic little puddle. So from then on he has been by the side of Lyssa Shelby at his every possible moment. Helping her grow and watching her become the beauty that she was today. 

But with that came its challenges, Lyssa had true Gypsy blood coursing through her veins that flooded her with this near untamable wildness that had Tommy exhausted at all times. And with age it most certainly got more dangerous, with her desires for partying, drinking and riding until the crack of dawn had paired alongside her looks that got most lads drooling from the corner of their mouths. 

But today was different. Lyssa had promised him and Aunt Pol to be on her best behaviour throughout the whole ceremony. Though, Tommy wasn’t exactly going to be placing any bets on it. 

The wedding was predictable, the Shelbys all rowdy and noisy, Lyssa’s cheers reaching Tommy’s ears with an unspoken glee over her acceptance to his more than risky choice in wives. And then of course Grace’s more poised side of the family. The calvary suit wearing cowards and their wives all sitting so straight Lyssa was sure that they must be held up by the sticks that were wedged so far up their arses. 

The large group of bustling folk all pushed and pulled one another to the steps of the Church afterwards, John dragging Lyssa around with his arm draped over her shoulder as they whispered vulgar jokes to one another. The pair ultimately finding themselves beside Tommy as they grinned up at him with that mischievous glint that had him cursing under his breath. 

Once the photo had been taken, the large party found themselves scampering back to Tommy’s large manor for the real fun to begin. Lyssa and Finn sharing gleeful glances to one another, in hopes that they might actually get the chance for some real havoc tonight. 

But not even five minutes after entering the house, had Lyssa been dragged by her elbow by none other than her less than gentle eldest brother, Arthur. “What are you doing? I haven’t even done anything.” Lyssa squealed, fighting weakly to get out of Arthur’s tight grip whilst he tugged her throughout the lively party. Her face set in a deep frown, as she watched the envious sight of everything going on around her, with the knowledge that she was most definitely not going to be able to get anywhere near it.

“Yeah, and your not gonna do, are ya?” He not so gently demands, peering down at his wild sister as she makes good effort to avoid any scrutinizing eyes. With a heavy sigh, not in the mood for the taming of her inevitable rebellious tendencies, Arthur continued on his war path towards the meeting he knew was to take place. “This isn’t about you Lyssa. Tom wants a quick family meeting.” He responded, stomping through the maze of the house with John clipping at their heels. 

After a fair amount of arguing between the three siblings on the right direction to the kitchen they finally found their way after the guidance of Tommy’s shouts leading them to their destination. Clomping down the stairs the three of them marched over to Tommy, Lyssa finding herself leaning beside Arthur as they waited for whatever this is to be over with. 

“Right, boys, Lyssa, you’re all here. Today, this is my fucking wedding day.” Tommy proclaimed like they all weren’t just at the Church watching him take his vows less than 20 minutes ago. Lyssa rolled her eyes, sensing the second round of lectures she was going to get. 

“Yeah, and you said there’d be no bloody uniforms.” John retorted, his anger for the red suits being one of the only things John has blabbered on about with Lyssa this entire day.

“Nevertheless- Nevertheless John, despite the bad blood, I’ll have none of it on my carpet. Now for Grace’s sake, nothing will go wrong. Those bastards out there are her family. And if you fuckers do anything to embarrass her, your kin, your cousins, your horses, your fucking kids, you do anything...”

“Tom? Jeremiah piped up, thankfully breaking Tommy out of boring rant. 

“What?!”

“What about snow?” He asked, naively, Lyssa having to bring her hand up to her mouth to stop the giggles from toppling out of her mouth. 

“Yeah, their women are sports, I’ll say that.” John joked, ruffling Jeremiah head in a tight amusing headlock, providing Lyssa with just enough distraction to steal the cigarette from Michael’s lips and bring it to her own. Swatting away his attempts to retrieve it back with ease as she let the vile toxins run rampant in her blood. 

“No. No. No cocaine.” Tommy’s finger pointing down the line of boys with a set of instructions for each. “No cocaine. No sport.” He told John. “No telling fortunes. No racing.” He told Arthur, moving until he was in front of Lyssa and stealing the cigarette out of her lips and tossing it to the ground with that stern parental stare she loathed.“No drinking. No boys.” He commanded, Lyssa’s eyes growing wide and mouth dropping wide open in an almost comedic sight, ready to object to his ridiculous rules. 

But he was already off, moving to Finn without giving her a chance to breathe, grabbing each side of his cheeks in a tight grip. “No fucking sucking petrol out of their fucking cars.” He seethed, spinning around and marching over to Uncle Charlie lounging against the wall casually. “And, you, Charlie, stop spinning yarns about me, eh?”

“I’m just trying to sell you to them, Tom.” 

With a hand coming to pinch his eyes, in that typical sign of his overwhelming irritation, Tommy continued. “But the main thing is, you bunch of fuckers, despite the provocation from the calvary, no fighting.” His fury once again, making him step back up to John and Arthur. “No fighting. No fighting. No fucking fighting.” He fumes like a madmen, running up and down the line until he marches back into the center of the kitchen, holding his arms out wide. “No fucking fighting!” His voice bouncing off the porcelain walls with enough might that Lyssa was surprised hadn’t even managed to cause any one of the bustling workers to jump in fright.

Nodding to himself at the satisfying silence, Tommy brought his cigarette to his lips one more time, turning his head to the side to look at Lyssa, red in the face from the injustice she must be feeling. “All good with you, Lyssa?” He questions, clear in his voice that he wasn’t really caring for any opinions that his dear baby sister must feel.

“No wa-” Her objection not even a third of the way out her mouth before she was predictably cut off with a wave of his hand as he stomped his way over to her. 

“Good.” His tone final, as he cupped her cheek in his rough calloused hand and put a kiss to her forehead. The scene being abruptly ended by a poor misfortunate waiter mistakenly bumping into the pair, his fate being sealed as Tommy threw him down to the ground in one harsh shove while Arthur chose to throw some miscellaneous glass at the lad. 

Yet, while as entertaining as the moment might have been, all Lyssa could think about was how much she wished she was never born a Shelby. 

~~~~~~

Night had finally taken over, and despite Tommy’s strict instructions, Lyssa was predictably ignoring them. Though if Tommy thought that Lyssa would have been able to sit through the shit storm that was Arthur’s speech and not down at least an entire bottle of champagne, then he was truly going mad.

With the alcohol warming her blood and the bubbles rising to the tips of her head, Lyssa found herself wandering round and round the many halls of the house until she found herself stumbling outside to sneak a peek at Finn’s riding skills that had apparently been commissioned. 

Welcoming the night air into her lungs with a deep inhale, a fluttery grin stretched over Lyssa’s lips as she looked over to the blurry figures all crowding around the fire not too far away. Using the trees as her coverage, Lyssa sneaks to the edge of the party, peering around a large trunk. The alcohol in her veins not making her as foolish to believe that her older brothers wouldn’t crucify her to the spot if they saw she had snuck out to watch the men’s business. 

Watching as Finn crossed the finish line with large strides in front of his opponent, Lyssa’s smile grew impossibly larger, following him on his horse as he continues a few more feet before bringing the beast to a stop and dismounting her. Feeling braver in herself, Lyssa takes the potentially foolish move and ventures out of her hiding spot and over to her twin in a mad dash of wild dark curls bouncing in the wind behind her. 

“Well, well, well, and I was just starting to think that you were completely useless.” Lyssa teases, her brother whipping his head in the direction of her voice so rapidly he nearly tumbled over his own feet. A sight that already had Lyssa bursting into infectious giggles. 

“Lys, what the fuck you doin’ out here? If Tommy spots you-” Finn garbles out, tumbling over his own words as he looks over Lyssa’s shoulder frantically, scared of the thrashing both of them will probably earn if any of their older siblings catch Lyssa stumbling around in the dark. If it wasn’t evident enough, being the twin of Lyssa Shelby was one of the cruelest curses there was, and Finn was very much aware of that. 

“Calm down Finn, I thought your recent victory would have you in better moods.” Lyssa jokes, an uncontrollable round of drunken giggles falling out of her lips in the most obvious of ways. The very sight of it, making Finn spout every cuss he knew under his breath. 

“And you’re off your fucking arse. That’s just bloody great that is.” He mutters, running a hand down his face like he’s some old fucking soul having to babysit some demon child. It continuing to be absolutely hilarious for Lyssa to witness. 

“Jesus Finn, sometimes I think I have more balls than you do.” She jokes playfully, hands coming to rest on Finn’s shoulders as she gives him a light shake. “Come on brother, just let me have fun for only this night, eh?” Pretty blue puppy dog eyes staring hopefully up at him, that Finn was almost sure might even manage to get the likes of stone cold Tommy to bend to her will. 

“Yeah, come on Finn, the young lady here is just wanting to have a good time. I vote you let her.” An unfamiliar male voice comes injecting into the air before Finn even had a chance to inevitably cave into her demands. Rowdy laughter falling at its heels as the two siblings turn with furrowed eyebrows to a small group of four or five boys crowding a few steps away from them. 

Suit jackets long forgotten, with only their crisp white shirts on display and loose bow ties hanging around their necks while a bottle of dark amber liquid gets passed back and forth between them all. Yet, there was no need for questions on who decided to put their opinion forward, as in the middle of the joyous group laid a man with glistening eyes and a snake charmers smile, both of which being directed on the youngest Shelby. 

With a new sense of thrill coursing through her veins, Lyssa turned to the unknown boy with a smirk tugging at her lips while the fire burning beside them created shimmering patterns on her jet black curls. “And I’m guessing you have suggestions on how I should spend this good time.” She teased, not even having to look towards Finn to know the face he was predictably pulling. 

“A few come to mind.” He replies, an annoyingly arrogant grin painted on his face as he attempts at closing the gap between them. 

Where she was sure that this mystery charmer was expecting the usual routine of girls crashing down on their knees for him after giving them one small ounce of his prestige attention, Lyssa was much too stubborn to fall under some rich boys tricks. “Sorry pretty boy, but if I was to have one night of freedom, I wouldn’t be turning to you.” She retorted, the show of turning her body away from his and back towards an impatiently anxious Finn not fooling many for the need this girl is obviously wanting to be chased.

“And why’s that?” He calls out once more, determination mixed with the necessity to prove his manly bravado to the group of his friend spectating, not faltering his efforts. 

Turning her head back towards him with a sickly sarcastic smile, Lyssa couldn’t stop her champagne-filled mind from blurting out the first snarky thing she came up with. “The kind of excitement I’m looking for wouldn’t end in a couple minutes.” That smile of his only seeming to lift higher from the fiery girl’s venomous tongue, while the loud obnoxious laughs and shouts echo behind him from his fellow companions.

Though Finn was in no mood for such amusement, as he quickly spots that familiar hunched over figure marching over to the spot he was regrettably standing. So, with hurried movements, Finn grabs a hold of Lyssa’s shoulder and whispers down in her ear, away from the continued laughter the boys relent in stopping. “Alright I think it’s time you get back inside, yeah? I think I see Arthur coming over.”

With a clarity bursting through her tipsy haze, Lyssa’s eyes grow wider than they already comically were as she mutters a fuck under her breath as her gaze too lands on the unmistakable sight of her moustache owning brother rapidly coming their way. Swiveling around to face her charmer, Lyssa rushes out a somewhat goodbye, “Well, as entertaining as this was, I’ve got to go.” 

Without even waiting for the confused ramblings she was certain were going to be called after her shadow, Lyssa’s long lanky limbs sprinted back towards the golden archway beckoning her safety away from overprotective bodyguards. Yet, as predictable as it was annoying, a harsh calloused grip grabs a hold of her elbow and has he stumbling on her feet upon meeting the hard stone-like chest of her unknown creeper. 

But Lyssa isn’t given a moment to scramble and fidget against what could possibly be an overzealous drunken taking his chance on an unguarded companion, because their voice quickly squashes any fear and turns it into a completely different emotion entirely. “And what are you doing out ‘ere?” John’s hold on her arm growing to uncomforting levels. 

“John, let me go!” Lyssa whined, pulling and tugging against him no matter how futile it was seeming to be. 

“Not until you tell me, why me little sister is running round in the dark, stinking of booze worse than fucking me and Arthur put together.” John demanded, and despite having no where near the amount of fear imposing aura that Tommy exudes, he actually managed to cause of flutter of panic in Lyssa. 

Stopping her weak attempts to break free, Lyssa’s eyes move sheepishly downcast as she tries to avoid meeting John’s crazed parental stare that she honestly didn’t know he had the capability to possess. “I just wanted to see the races, ok?” She meekly responded, her words coming out slightly muffled and only reducing her to more of a child-like standard. 

Finding it near impossible to maintain his gruff persona, especially when his baby sister was looking more and more like that naive little 10 year old she had been when he came back from the war, John relented his grip and blew out a heavy sigh. “Fine, alright, but you best get back inside. There’s some fucking shit happening on tonight and Tommy will have a fucking fit if you get mixed up in it, yeah?” Lifting up her chin with his index finger til she met his gaze, with that new troubling curiosity. 

“What’s going on?” She questioned with newfound excitement, the world of the Peaky Blinders always providing her with this bursting want to know more and more, until she possibly couldn’t store all the information away.

Yet, it seemed that thirst for knowledge wasn’t well appreciated by her other family members, as with an unavoidable slap across the back of the head, John cursed her off with a less than gentle shove back in the direction of the golden archway. “What did I just fucking say? Get back inside.” And with her better judgement, Lyssa went on her way back inside, unbeknownst to the fascinated eyes trailing behind her. 

~~~~~~

Lyssa had actually managed to listen to her brother this time, knowing just the one thing not to fuck with was, business. As despite the many adventures of her life and the many troubles she has tumbled in, never once has she been brazen enough to battle with the dangerous underworld her family seemed to encompass. 

Tommy saw to it that the littlest of his siblings stayed in the shadows of the gangsta lifestyle he committed himself to, the only gift they were given being a silent bystander in the background of family meetings out of the courtesy the title has. Family. But otherwise, Lyssa and Finn were to keep their hands clean from the blood and dirt, that he was sure would have rottened them down until they were just as broken as the three worn torn brothers battling their demons at every crossroads. 

Granted he may have been more lenient when it came to the activities he chose to include Finn in, but no chance between an inch of his life would he ever beckon Lyssa into it. And he did to warn her as such at every opportunity that was given to him. 

So, with the new damper in moods, Lyssa saw it best to camp out in Tommy’s office alongside a large bottle of champagne. It being the safest of whereabouts in order to not accidentally tumble onto a scene she should very much not be anywhere close to, so as to avoid a thrashing from either her aunt or brother that would have the back of her head sore in the morning to come.  

Roaming around the large - potentially obnoxious - room, Lyssa lazily snooped through all the pictures littering the mantles whilst taking leisurely sips from the bottle in her hand. Not even taking too much notice to the sound of the creaking door being opened behind her. 

“And here I was thinking that I had simply made you up.” A voice called out, that same voice that secretly nearly had her swooning earlier in the night. It causing her to spin on her heels to look at the painfully stunning boy leaning against the door with one hand on the handle.

“Did I really hurt your ego that badly that you’ve come searching for me?” She teased, that playful smile crossing her face once more as she watched him daringly inch further into the room and shut the door to a solid close behind him. A perfect smile of his own sitting on the corner of his lips so enticingly. 

“More my pride.” He replied, his feet taking him further into the fire lit room while Lyssa remained off to the side, eyes never falling apart from one another. 

“You’re a prideful man then? I must saw I was hoping for something not quite so predictable.” Lyssa snarked back, breaking off the locked gaze as she moved herself over to Tommy’s large desk to fully lean on, the painfully constrictive shoes forcing her feet with some much needed relief. 

“So you admit that you were hoping for something?” He switched back onto her, that damn smile too dazzling to not draw Lyssa back in to that equally as dazzling face. 

“I admit nothing.” Lyssa surprised by her own control to keep her voice level and chin pointed upwards, even with his continued path gaining closer and closer to small frame. 

A small breathy laugh leaves his lips at her unwavering stance, the sound being enough for Lyssa’s grip round the bottle to tighten ever so slightly. It was really beginning to irritate her slightly that nearly everything he did seemed to make him more attractive. 

“To answer your question, if I’m a prideful man? The answer is no.” The proximity between them melting until it was nearly nothing, his hand coming to unlatch hers from around the champagne bottle to put it on the desk beside her. His warm breath fanning Lyssa’s rosy cheeks. “But you set me a challenge. And I’m never the one to back down from a challenge.” 

He was towering over her now, hands coming to gingerly place themselves on either side of her waists while hers remain frozen to her sides, all of Lyssa’s brain function flying out the window. She was shocked that she was capable of uttering out any more words. “I don’t remember any challenge.” Her voice just above a whisper at this point, as if they were in a bustling room trying to keep their conversation quiet enough so they would be the only ones that could hear it. 

In an action that made an audible gasp come falling out of Lyssa’s mouth, his hands on her waist tightened and lifted her up and onto the desk with his new place being found between her newly opened legs. All sense of space completely banished as her hands came to grip on his most likely expensive suit jacket while his remained fierce on her waist. 

Lips a mere inch from one another, Lyssa’s darkened eyes found his as he uttered his next words. “You reckoned I could only last a couple minutes. I’m here to prove you just how wrong you are.” Without a moment even to let his words sink in, his lips were crashing into Lyssa’s, no tender moment shared but only a lust filled battle for dominance that the Shelby was happy in conceding in. 

Her hands winding up to take purchase in the soft tendrils of his hair on the back of his neck, her sharp nails digging in roughly that left a gaspy growl fall into her mouth. His movements not being any gentler as the grip on her waist tightened impossibly firmer, pulling her into his hard chest while remaining seated on the desk. 

With nearly all the air being sucked dry from their lungs, both parties pulled away only by a hair, their heavy breathing filling the silence that is quickly replaced by an abrupt breathy moan coming out of Lyssa’s mouth as he moves down to place hot wet kisses down the length of her neck. Expertly finding the sensitive spot just in the crook of her neck, below her earlobe, causing a euphoric feeling of bliss taking form in a multitude of quiet moans filling the air.

The sound being enough for Lyssa to feel the breathtaking feeling of his hard cock beginning to bulge against the warmth of her inner thing. Greedy hands moving quickly to rid him of the belt constricting him away from her, the action alone admitting another guttural growl out of him as he moves his own hands down to her soft thighs. 

Mouths finding each other once again while the final pieces of clothing are stripped away from their most sensitive areas, Lyssa’s moans erupting in his mouth as she feels his cock aline to her slits. And with one slightly unexpected thrust, Lyssa wasn’t able to quieten herself as yet another moan slips out into the empty office. It echoing off the walls forcing her to move her mouth to his shoulder to muffle the noise, whilst he continued on with his mind fogging thrusts, getting deeper and harder at each movement. 

However, just as Lyssa began to feel the uphill climb begin towards her climax, the grand door blocking them off from the rest of the party comes swinging open in a rapid succession. The action immediately setting both Lyssa and....the boy who she has realised remained nameless throughout... into hurried and clumsy movements as they bounced off of each other and attempted of sorting their clothes in a stupidly inconspicuous fashion.

With the worst dread she has ever felt in her entire life, Lyssa locked eyes with Tommy, sliding off his desk and flattening out the end of her skirt with an awkward and uncomfortable smile stretching on her lips. She just watched Tommy stand there, his jaw visibly tight as his cold eyes continuously flicked back and forth between herself and the boy with his back turned to him still as he continued to readjust his cock back into his pants. 

The silence of it all torturous as Lyssa waited for Tommy to do something; whether that be to start screaming or pull the gun she knew he had hidden somewhere around his office and end the poor lads life right where he stood. “What is this then?” His voice chilling Lyssa straight down to her bones as he wafted his hand between the two of them, it terrifying her so deeply that all the words in her vocabulary had simply escaped her. It leaving her mouth to simply open and closed like some sort of pathetic fish thirsting for oxygen. 

“Eh?” He prompted, eyebrows raised so high that they were nearly falling under his hair. Heavy footsteps storming closer to the door left wide open, only to slam it close in a thunderous clap that reminded Lyssa of the storms that used to terrorize her as a child. “You see, cause from where I’m standing-” His footsteps bringing him back into the centre of the room, his eyes blazing fury as he meets Lyssa doe eyed gaze. “It looks like that I walked in on me 15 year old sister getting fucked by some stranger, on me own desk, in me own house, on my own fucking wedding night!!” He roared, his presence trapping Lyssa against the desk as he stood a mere two steps away from her, like the true lion that he is looming over his prey. 

“Mr Shelby, if I may say that I’m sorr-” The boy sputtered out, not even being able to get his flimsy excuse of an apology out before Tommy quickly strays away from Lyssa and goes marching over to him. 

Tommy’s hands find themselves wound tightly around the poor lads neck, pushing him into the hard wooden wall behind him with such might that it has him already gasping with a necessity to breathe instantaneously. Ignoring the shouts Lyssa gives him from her place against the desk, Tommy’s hands dangerously tighten as he leans further into the struggling boy’s face. “If you are not out of this house in 30 seconds, then me and me brothers are going to start slicing pieces off of you until no girl is ever going to be able to stomach looking at that face of yours again.” Giving him one last knock against the solid wall before he forces him to meet Tommy dead in his ice blue eyes. “Is that clear?”

His dark threats gaining a hurried nod from the boy, before he is quickly scampering out the room the moment Tommy relented his life threatening grip. The speed he was moving in that would’ve proven comical to Lyssa under literally any single other circumstance then the mortifying one she found herself drowning in.

The moment that the doors once again slammed with a heavy bang, Tommy managed to turn his attentions back onto his little sister, that same questioning look from before still painted on his features as their gazes locked onto each others. “So?” He prompts, motioning with his hands in an annoyed attempt to start hearing whatever tales and excuses she has on the tip of her tongue. 

Though, while Lyssa usually finds herself fully capable of combating any person, in any situation, with her witty remarks and scathing snars, she find herself for once in her life with a complete blank slate on what it is she could possibly respond with that wouldn’t make this all horrifyingly worse. “I’m not quite sure what you want me to say.”

Retreating back into the cold, quietly threatening state that Tommy so loved to impose on his sister, his ice blue gaze burrowed deep into the meak facade Lyssa tried to defend herself with. “How ‘bout you start with telling me how long it’s been going on.” He not so subtly demands of her, the thought of what she has been doing for god knows how long making his jaw clench into near teeth shattering tenseness. 

“How long what’s been going on? I just met the lad tonight! I-” Lyssa retorts back, her voice already raising to risky levels. 

“Hey!” He cuts her off, striding back towards Lyssa with a finger pointing right into the center of her face. “I have about a million fucking things going on right now and so one thing I really don’t need is your fucking cheek!” He boomed, only lowering his voice for a mere quarter of a second as his eyes grow scarily dark peering into Lyssa’s icy blue. “Now you’re going to explain to me why you think it’s right that you can go around fucking whoever you fancy like some common whore, when you are only 15 years old!” 

As the words leave Tommy’s mouth, all thoughts of fear for the wrath of Tommy Shelby dissipated into nothing but an overwhelming rage that was tearing up her insides into flares of flames. Pushing against his chest with a mighty shove, Lyssa watched as he stumbled with a deep satisfaction. “God, can you hear the amount of fucking hypocrisy-”

“Look at you using fancy words. At least I know that you’re still going to school.” Tommy snarks, antagonising her to the furthest of her wits end. The feeling of literal smoke coming out of her ears sounding too much like reality.  

“Fuck off.” She spits, marching right back up to his face with that infamous Shelby anger waging a war inside of her. “You know we are literally standing in a house you share with your new wife who I’m sure wasn’t the one to be waiting for any vows to spread her legs open for you. I mean there’s fucking living proof sleeping just above our heads yet I don’t see you calling her a fucking whore!” 

Hands gripping onto her jaw with a bruising force, Tommy seethed, “Oi, you say another word-.” 

Shoving his hands away from her, Lyssa let out a breathy humorless laugh. “Yeah I get it Tom. Big bad scary Tommy Shelby’s going to set me out straight. You don’t have to say any more.” 

A deafening silence rung in the air for much longer than was comfortable, both siblings simply staring at one another with harsh heavy breathing being the only thing that was left to fill the room any more. “Right.” Tommy muttered, reaching into his pockets for his trusty cigarettes. “You are obviously having too much fucking freedom down in Small Heath. So, starting tomorrow, I’m sending a few boys to come and pack up all your stuff to bring here. You’ll be living under my fucking roof, where I can keep an eye on you and where there are gonna be some strict fucking rules, that starting from now, you are going to follow.” Tommy listed off, that calm business-like stature oozing off of him in infuriating waves. 

Knowing that she was fighting against a losing battle, Lyssa tried to object in the service of her pride. “Tom, you can’t be serious!” 

“Oh I am, and if I here that you have been running off with any sort of boy, then you will get the fucking thrashing of your fucking life. Do I make myself clear?” Tommy threatened, and by this point Lyssa was not brave enough to combat against his dark intimidations. 

“Yes.” She uttered, any sort of adrenaline wearing off of her tired bones as she lazily met Tommy’s gaze with little interest. 

Tommy stood there studying her for a second longer, wondering if some sort of second wind was going to hit her. But with the pleasant silence, Tommy simply motioned to the door with equally as tired movements. “Good, now go up to the guest bedroom and sleep it off. Hopefully the hangover tomorrow will serve you as a good start to your punishment.”  

And so she did. Lyssa trudged through the party that was only beginning to wind down and up the grand staircase and into the room that had been assigned to her, only this morning. Flopping face first on the comforting mattress, willing sleep to guide her away from the madness of the Shelby clan and into a world of her wildest fantasies. Neither Tommy or Lyssa knowing the fate that had been sealed for her that night as new plots thicken and new enemies crawl out of their shadows with her position has now being maneuvered into the firing line. 

~~~~~~

A/N  So this is my first post on here. I’ve written fanfics before on Wattpad and stuff but the format on here is so different so I’m unsure how I feel about it so I would love some feedback and if anyone would like some more moments from Lyssa and the Shelby’s please hit me up

[humanmoodring-retired]

POTW: Mima Bam Boum || Alain, Felix, Kaden, Luce, & Nadia

Or: Nadia and crew do The Thing, and it does not go according to plan (as if they had one in the first place)

With: @carbrakes-and-stakes @streetharmacist @chasseurdeloup @divineluce

Sitting in her truck, parked not too far from that fucking mime restaurant, Nadia couldn’t help but wonder, on a scale from one to ten, how bad this idea was. Probably an eleven. Probably higher. She didn’t even know how she’d gotten here. Well, other than driving. At least she remembered the drive. But between the internet and talking with Luce, she’d managed to put together a rather decent explosive, though the fireworks had been relatively useless. Maybe she could throw that barbecue, invite Erin as a thank you, should this thing not kill her. Because what the hell was she doing, anyway? Taking on a mime demon that really hadn’t done anything to her. Except she’d let that thing loose in the sewer, and, no matter what Kaden said, that was still on her as much as it was on him. This whole mime business was fucking cursed, and people were getting hurt because of it. Nadia figured that getting rid of the thing in the alley and the restaurant would be a step in the right direction. Hopefully. She got out of the truck and decided to wait against the back for Alain, Kaden, Felix, and Luce. Fuck, she hoped she didn’t get anyone killed with this thing.

Alain had parked his car far enough from the mime restaurant. The last thing he wanted was to damage his car because of mimes. Sure, this would not be directly their fault, but when did this stop him from blaming them ? The handle of the sword was peaking out of the dufflebag as he stepped out of the car, although considering the hour and the current darkness, he would not have to worry about it at all. He took a moment to take a deep breath. Things would soon get stressful, and heated, and he wanted to appreciate the calm and quiet before it all began. He was a bit early anyway, so why not enjoy that ? Approaching the restaurant, his gaze was drawn toward a truck parked on the sidewalk. He had already seen it at the garage, although back then, it was his employee who had taken care of it. Still, he knew who it belonged to, and he raised his hand to greet Nadia.

Kaden wasn’t sure blowing up a mime restaurant was the best laid plan after that disaster with the cardboard cut out but fuck if he couldn’t use a pick me up after the last few weeks. If that restaurant was going to be destroyed, he was going to be there with front row fucking tickets. He still wasn’t sure what help he’d be to Nadia in this endeavor but that didn’t mean he didn’t come prepared. Guns, knives, holy water. Look, if something like that fucking smoke demon happened again, he was ready. He saw her and Alain around back and headed over, watching his back to make sure no one was following him. He knew damn well he couldn’t trust his hearing with this brand of monster. Kaden was a little surprised to see Alain there but he didn’t mind. And again, the smoke demon shit came to mind. If that was only a small taste of the kind of fuckery that could go down here, they’d want at least two hunters. “So what’s the plan?” he asked. “Are we waiting on anyone else?”

Few things in the world could compare to the smell of dynamite and gunpowder. The only one that might come close would be the ruins of what once was a mime restaurant. Felix sure as heck hoped so as he made his way downtown through the shadows. Maybe a license would be worth looking into but that could come later. The potential for crime had him skipping by fast, more than eager to see a mime place vanish off the face of the earth. He pulled himself out of the dark a block away from where Nadia suggested they meet. Her first crime! That he knew about! Exciting, thrilling. A real adventure hour! He adjusted his tie and straightened out the sleeves of his jacket before he waved to the crew she had assembled. Kaden, the other guy with the face. “Looks like this might be part two to that birthday gig of yours, huh?” He grinned at Kaden before he shifted to look at Nadia. “You excited? Because I sure am.”

When Nadia had brought up the idea of blowing up the mime restaurant, Luce had mostly been joking about doing something like that. And about her pyrotechnic ability-- sure, she knew how to make a molotov, knew how to throw together a pretty basic napalm with acetone and styrofoam. Which, she’d packed up in the backpack that was slung over her shoulder. She’d parked her large 4x4 in an alley a quick run from the mime restaurant. Close enough to be easy to get to, far enough to probably keep people from thinking she had anything to do with the upcoming act of arson. As she neared Yours, Mime, and Ours, Luce’s expression turned to a slight scowl as she took in the small gathering. It was a fucking sausage fest of dudes who she really didn’t care to know about her magical predisposition. “I’m guess we’re gathered here today to fuck some shit up?” She asked, with a wry grin before tilting her head at Kaden. “Birthday Boy out for some revenge? I thought you were a cop, dude.”

Grinning nervously as the last of them showed up, Nadia looked at the group of people around her. Emotions practically radiated off of Kaden, Alain, and Luce, and she could still feel Felix’s excitement, muted as it was. She decided to focus on him, remembering the advice she’d been given that nonhumans were just a bit easier to deal with than humans. She opened up her trunk, first grabbing a pack of bullets for a .50 ae pistol. She tossed them to Kaden. “Happy birthday, though it’s late.” Then she grabbed the explosive she’d managed to put together following a couple of tutorials online. This was the second attempt; the first hadn’t failed catastrophically when she took it out of town to test, but she definitely put a dent in a small field and had to run from an angry farmer with a shotgun yelling about hooligans playing with firecrackers. She’d also figured out that she fucking hated electrical work. But it should work. “I’m, uh, nervous. But this is definitely going to blow something up.” Hopefully none of them. “So, I was thinking we trap that fucker in the alley? Block off one of the entrances, force it to the other end, and boom. Blow it and the building up.”

Alain's eyes went from Felix to Kaden. Raising his eyebrows, the hunter breathed out heavily and took a few steps back to look at the restaurant's menu. Well this was even worse than he thought. Selling crème brulée like it was a luxurious dessert was a crime in itself. When he glanced back at the group, he noticed something in Nadia's hands. Since he had never used explosives, he was not fond of being anywhere near them, although if it had not exploded yet, it was safe, right ? "Are you sure you don't want us to shorten the ends of the fella before we blow things up ?" Yes, he should have been clearer and said that he wanted to cut the hands, feet and head of the fucker to be sure, but that wouldn't have sounded right. "Anyone have an idea on how to block one entrance ?" He looked at the other hunter and shrugged. "We could prevent that thing from going anywhere, I guess?"

“Let’s hope this isn’t part two. No one needs that. And yeah, I am. Kind of. I can’t make arrests, it’s fine.” Kaden hoped that was true. Maybe he should have worn a hat. Or some kind of disguise. Just in case. Too late now. Still, of course both Felix and Luce had to remind him of the single worst birthday party that may have ever existed. He shot them both a glance, but took the bullets from Nadia and shoved them in his back pocket. “Thanks, I’ll be sure to put them to good use.” He took one look at the explosive and knew he wanted nothing to do with that. He was much more comfortable with the task of blocking off that fucking mime moster and hopefully shooting it in the face. That said, he was pretty sure any bullets would bounce off or its head would grow back; it seemed like the type. The satisfaction would be nice, though. Kaden took a look around down the alley and saw a few shipping boxes, a dumpster, there was enough random crap. “That. Come on,” he said to Alain, pointing at the big dumpsters. They worked together to move them down the end of the alleyway, then grabbing whatever boxes and trash he could find. The boxes were a little odd, who left their shipping outside in the alley? And they were.. Moving? Nah, he was imagining it. When they were done, it wasn’t a beautiful barricade but it should make just about anything pause. “We’ll keep post at the other end. Try not to blow us all up,” he told the demolition crew as he and the other hunter waited at the alley for this shit to go down.

“I just want you all to know that this might just make my entire year. What a gift!” The fae’s eyes practically lit up at the sight of homemade dynamite. The plan was all well and good. Just a simple trapping and a couple of boom-booms. Heck, did that take Felix back and he steepled his hands together. If a streetlight glinted off his glasses at an opportune moment, he didn’t notice. He had brought his own supplies. Slow-burning wicks, his own brand of explosives, lighter, a small snub-nosed source of firepower and a knife up every sleeve in case the mime thought about getting handsy with the merchandise again. He sure as hell hoped the mime did. Stealing a fella’s green was a capital offense. As he waited for the barricade to be built up, he could barely contain his anticipation and grinned as he looked over to Luce and Nadia. He glanced down to the explosives in Nadia’s hands and nodded. “How you wanting to smoke ‘em out? Throw a little something-something in the front and they gotta come out here,” he said, gesturing to the alley and the barricade before he leaned back to glance at the front. Glass looked weak enough. “Won’t have anywhere else to go, y’know? Give em the ol’ badabing badaboom.”

“Just as long as you don’t arrest me, I’m good.” Luce nodded at Kaden before watching as he and the other man headed down the alleyway, like some kinda sniper elite shit. She was pretty sure she recognized the old guy from the mechanic’s shop in town. Color her surprised to see him there. Which left her, Nadia, and Felix. A much more reasonable bunch that she’d be fine showing her true colors to. Opening her backpack, Luce held up one of the two molotov’s she had, the pouch of homemade napalm, and her handy dandy zippo lighter. “I’ve got supplies for day, plus a little secret weapon, if we need it.” She said with a grin. She was the secret weapon, of course. “You’ve kinda got a big old explosive there. Let’s not waste it-- we could draw them out with molotovs and then launch yours.” She said, gesturing to the stuff in Nadia’s hands. She’d have to ask her how she managed to rig up that crazy device. Holding one of the bottle aloft, Luce looked at the two. “You guys good with this?”

“I’m ready if you two are,” Nadia said. “We lure it to us and then bye-bye, fucker.” The three of them headed into the mouth of the alley. From there, Nadia could see Kaden and Alain blocking the other end. There was no sign of their friend the mime demon. Good. “I’m going to rig this to a wall,” Nadia murmured. “It’s timed, so when the thing gets close to us, we’ve got, like, fifteen seconds to get the hell out. We just need to make sure it doesn’t follow us.” She set it down, then took a molotov. “We need to get it here. And keep it here. It might try to escape with so many people around. But we need to get it here first.” Not wanting to waste time, she took a molotov, lit it, and threw it against one of the walls. Glass shattered, fire rained, and light filled the alley. She saw it, the creature, lurking in a corner, the light hitting its ghastly, expressionless face. Looking at it filled her with awful dread, and it only got worse as it scuttled towards the three of them slowly, on all fours.

"Feels like Mai 1968 all over again," he glanced over his shoulder at the barricade then back at the fire that was starting inside the restaurant. His hand clenched on his sword as he saw the creature approaching the three others, although something crawling up his back and on his head changed his priorities. Reaching for it with his free hand, his first instinct was to toss this thing away from here, but the thing was clinging to his hand. Okay, this is fine, he thought to himself, putting this thing as far as possible from his face to give it a look. 8 hairy legs, a dark abdomen and a striped thorax. Well he sure hoped that getting bitten by this thing wouldn't have the effect it did on spiderman because this Mime spider (because let's be honest, putain de bordel de merde, this was a fucking mime spider, wasn't it?) had just sank its mandibles into his hand and forced him into crushing the thing against the wall with his hand. And since good things never appeared alone, as Alain turned to warn Kaden about these, an army of more mime spiders appeared from the boxes. “Oh, putain,” he muttered to himself, crushing the next one underneath his boot.

So it wouldn’t just be a simple boom and leave kinda job, would it? Fine by Felix, his schedule for the day was fairly open. Plenty of time in the world to ruin a few mimes. When he laid eyes on the creature Nadia was talking to, he grinned with sharp teeth. The fucker had stolen his weed. Watching it burn alive would be a pleasure unknown before that very moment. “Oh fella, am I glad to see you,” he said to himself as he reached into his suit to grab a small piece of dynamite. He lit the wick and tossed it straight at the creature, who caught it with a swiftness that mildly alarmed. “Got something else for you to smoke, motherfucker.” The wick burned down to nothing and boom. The light from the flame licked against the fae’s triumphant expression. “Well huh, that was--” He stopped. The smoke fell and behind it, an expressionless, untouched face. An intact hand. Momentarily stunned, the only thing that brought Felix out of it was the feeling of something crawling on his leg. One of the spiders had made it down the alley. Outraged, he grabbed it and slid the knife out of his sleeve to stab it in the abdomen and twist. The small creature died with a whisper of oui. The fae brandished the knife as he backed up toward Nadia and Luce. “Well hot fucking dog.”

Kaden ducked a little and shielded his face with his arm as the explosion went off, just in case. Looking up to see that fucking place on fire was a beautiful sight. The sight of a fucking mime spider crawling on Alain’s face was less so. “Shit!” He fumbled and instinctively raised his gun at the thing (and the other hunter’s face). Right. Bad idea. He lowered it and realized he felt something crawling on his arm. His eyes shot down and saw one of those fuckers on him and even more by their feet. Putain. Were they wearing little berets? His brow furrowed a moment, then the thing jumped up towards him. Kaden yelped and flung it away. Fucking shit. He started stomping furiously, trying to squash as many of them as possible. He could have sworn small cries of “non” escaped with every crushed creepy stripey crawly. Cursed. A quick glance at Nadia and crew and saw they had a guest to this party. Fuck. He raised his gun to the beast waiting til it was in view and his colleagues were out of the way. Let out a breath. Aim. Fir— Fuck! A sharp pain hit his ankle, (and a whisper of “oui”). Fucking spider. The shot went wide. He didn’t take time to see where it hit, just slammed his heel down on the fucking spider and took another shot at the monster across the way. Hit. It had to have. But it looked like the bullet was… absorbed more than anything. The creature twitched and catorted it’s head, looking for its aggressor. It seemingly decided on the trio in front of it. Putain.

What a fucking mess. Nadia, not really knowing what to do and running out of options, reached in her jacket pocket and pulled out a handful of salt, throwing it at the creature that Kaden just shot. It was strange. The salt didn’t do a damn thing to the creature, but it did seem… stunned? Like it wasn’t expecting that. Just like she wasn’t expecting the mime spiders that were rapidly pouring out of the boxes. She crushed one under her boot, and then another. A softly whispered, “nooooon” filled her ear, and she shrieked and brushed at her shoulder, one of the fuckers falling to the ground for her to stomp on it. All the while, the mime monster was headed for her, Luce, and Felix. “Shit shit shit shit motherfucking shit,” Nadia said eloquently, wishing she’d packed her gun but, after seeing the fuck-all effect Kaden’s had, knowing it’d be useless. She needed to set up the big explosive, and they all needed to get out. While they could. “Cover me! Or get out! Or something! Shit!” Moving as quickly as she could to the restaurant wall, stepping on mime spiders (one cried out “baguette!” viciously as it’s final cry of revenge) and hoping the big one didn’t follow, she took the explosive and began rigging it to the side of the already burning restaurant. On fire was good. Destroyed was better. And maybe it’d take out that demon fucker and his spider fuck friends as well. At least, that’s what she fucking hoped.

Caught off guard by the horrific fucking mime spiders that were plaintifly saying random French words as they died, Luce hesitated at the shit show unfolding before her. What in the fucking shit was going on? But, before she could really process any of this, the large demonic mime thing whirled around and made its way towards her, Nadia, and Felix. Nose still smarting from her fight against the Fext, Luce knew she had to play smart this time. Grabbing the bottle of homegrown napalm she’d made, she chucked it at the horrible monster. Glass shattered, sending the sticky, clinging flammable fluid all over the thing’s body. With a quiet snap of her left hand, she summoned a small spark, igniting the giant mime monster. The monster roiled and she watched as it seemed to unbend, the black of where it’s stomach should be opening up to display a terrifying maw of jagged teeth. It snarled and stumbled around, smearing ignited napalm against the walls of the alleyway. It definitely wasn’t dead. “Ah fuck. How the fuck are you not dead?!” She said, backing away from the now flaming mime monster.

It was starting to become real apparent real fast that they were in something of a French pickle. A nervous energy compelled Felix to smile broadly in the face of black-and-white striped danger. In all his years, he had never seen mime spiders or whatever the heck the thing with the gaping maw was. White Crest really was the most cursed place on the planet. He couldn’t imagine being anywhere else! The creature contorted in a mass of limbs and a wide, gaping maw where a face shouldn’t be. Might as well have been a layer of hell the humans talked about sometimes. But it was a face of some kind and that meant that it had eyes most likely. Even if the dang thing defied most everything. He wasn’t keen on bringing out the lights in front of mostly strangers, but with all the fire and chaos, maybe it’d go unnoticed. “Well hell. Come on snake, let’s rattle.” As Luce stepped back, he gripped his glasses and slipped them down just enough to expose the bright, blinding beams of his eyes. Looked the striped, French devil in the eyes. The alleyway shifted underneath him and he stumbled back, barely getting his glasses back on. There was light all around him. There was too much fucking light. Was it daytime? When did it become daytime? He needed to go but the alley seemed to be turning, a colorless carnival tunnel that he couldn’t get footing on and he stumbled back. The knife fell out of his hand. The oui in his ears grew louder. He was in too much light and he felt too warm, like he was sitting in the sun. Nervous, what the fuck laughter bubbled out of him. Holy crepes, he might just die there.

The spider mimes kept coming, crying out "non" and whispering "hon, hon, hon," as they crawled up. "Oh no, absolutely not,” the hunter cried out ,throwing another one of these monsters into the flames that were starting to eat the restaurant. The spider squealed ��omelette DU fromage,” but now may have not been the time to correct a spider’s poor knowledge of French grammar, especially after seeing Mr.MimeParties performing his best impression of fog headlights and falling right into the burning restaurant. “Putain de merde,” it was clear by now that the mime monster wouldn’t die, but that did not mean that Felix had to die instead. His sword dropped to the floor and shielding his face with his forearm, the hunter walked laboriously between flames and rubble. Even if that guy was definitely not human, he was helping them, and that meant something. Ripping away the spider, that had oui on repeat, clinging to Felix’s head, he put a hand under the man’s armpits and pulled him up against his chest. “Alright, let’s get you out of here, old sport.” Yeah, no, that was not going to do, Alain figured, as he decided to lift the man on his shoulder to carry him out of here. The smoke emanating from the building looking far from reassuring, and the threat of a roof collapsing on the both of them had Alain hurry out. “Any chance with our mime friend?” He called out as he put Felix down on his feet.

How in the fuck? Kaden watched as Luce lit the fucking mime demon on fire and it just. kept. Going. Like it was the energizer mime or some shit. That thought sent a chill down his spine. No, wait, that was another spider in a beret. He reached back and threw it off him. Alain had drug boy who seemed to be hypnotized, it was pretty clear Luce was ready to get the hell out of dodge, and so  was he. But Nadia was still there, rigging shit. And the monster was crawling towards her. Fuck. He rand over, shooting useless fucking rounds at the thing’s head in rapid succession. It did fuck all, as he suspected, but he hoped it bought Naida a few extra seconds. It reared back once more, exposing its teeth jutting out from its stomach. Shit, any moment it was going to come for him. He looked behind her towards the barricade. Another flood of spiders hissing “hon hon hon” were coming. They couldn’t stay there. “Nadia! Come on, let’s go!” he shouted as he looked back at her, hoping she was ready so they could get the hell out of there. Hell, in three seconds if she wasn’t ready he didn’t care, he was going to drag her out of there his damn self. He wasn’t letting anyone die by mime. Not today.

Luce was too busy running away from the shitty napalmed-assed mime fuck to really notice what the fuck was going on with Felix. But, when she saw the alleyway illuminated in strange light, the man fall backwards, and his glasses fall back in place, she frowned. What in the-- A tiny “Pomme de terre,” rang out near her ear and she felt something skittering across her back. Shuddering, she reached behind her and grabbed the awful little mime spider off her and stared at it as it tried to bite and claw at her face. What in the fucking shit. Curling her hand around the mime spider, she let the flames burn through her hand, igniting the mime spider. The spider shrieked in French pain and she hucked it across the alley at the giant mouth-stomach shit. “Fuck you and your shitty kids!” She yelled at the creature before turning around and bolting. She sprinted out of the alleyway, past Nadia, past Kaden, past all of them. She wasn’t about to be stuck here while this place went up in smoke. And she sure as shit wasn’t going to be dying here.

Stressed and interchangeably cursing in English and Spanish, Nadia finally got the piece of shit bomb she’d created hooked up and turned on. “Thirty seconds!” she said, and she grabbed Kaden so that the two of them could get the hell out of Dodge. Mime spiders trailed after them, crunching and ouiing under their feet, but the big one, with its horrible abdominal maw, stayed behind, despite the tick-tick-tick coming from right next to it. As she looked back, she stumbled, positive that the damn thing was smiling, before she righted herself and kept going. Everyone had just made it out of the alley when the restaurant exploded. See, here’s the thing about homemade bombs: you never knew what kind of outcome you were going to get. But Nadia had fucking stuffed that thing with black powder and just about any other explosive material she could get her hands on in a small number of days, and apparently the wall she’d placed the thing on was near the kitchen because when everything went boom, everything went boom. Stripes flew through the air, a baguette rocketed through the sky, and mime spiders rained like confetti. Nadia felt like screaming. Instead, eyes widely and shellshocked, she whispered, “Holy fucking shit.”

[splitpush]

[ENG] 銀の匙 | Silver Spoon 131 (final chapter)

I’ve loved Gin no Saji for many years. I wanted to provide a roughly-translated manuscript for any other English-speaking fans that are still waiting for the finale to this beautiful manga by Arakawa-sensei. I supplemented my translation using the Chinese scanlation provided here by lumosmoon and typeset by 王少. Page numbers correspond to numbers on the side of the pages in the raw scans.

If anyone is interested in typesetting this translation to the manga, please link this post and credit me under the name “hachiko”, thanks! Enjoy & please excuse any errors.

[page 1~3]

Hachiken: The big blue sky. The gold-coloured lands. A blurry horizon. A smart phone with no signal...

Subtitle: A coming-of-age story built from tears, sweat, and dirt has finally come full-circle in a 32-page finale!!! In this endless field washed in gold... For a boy who was once unable to visualize what would come in the future, who disliked having a dream... His future is beginning to sprout at last.

Hachiken: Where... am I...?

[page 4]

Narrator: The answer is... Russia. [big arrow] Specifically, here. [small arrow points to Ezono]

Subtitle: Even though Hachiken has finally grown up a little... he still gets lost!! A bad sense of direction that transcends international borders.

Hachiken: “If you follow ‘this path’ we’ll see each other...” is what he told me. But are you kidding? This is RUSSIA!!! (text on the road: “THIS PATH”) Brings me back to the memory of that day in the summer of first year, when I had to walk along the path between Mikage Ranch and Komaba Ranch… Even if it’s one road and I won’t get lost, it probably won’t be without incident… Aren’t there bears here in Russia? Tigers? (Also it’s Russia!)

[page 5]

Subtitle: The last chapter of this coming-of-age story opens in the far east of Russia! Accompanied by the low rumbling of thundering machinery, what approaches Hachiken…!?

A familiar person’s back: So you really came, Hachiken!

[page 6]

Hachiken: Komabaaaaaa !!!

Komaba: Hey. You got lost, didn’t you?

Hachiken: Even if I don’t get lost I’d still encounter some kind of trouble!!!

Recap: After graduating from Ooezo Agricultural High School, Hachiken & co. went their separate ways. Now, four years later, his friends have gathered at Aki’s place while she is studying at Chikudai. But Hachiken, also at Chikudai, is nowhere to be found… 

[page 7]

Komaba: If… you could see the mountains, you would know how to get your bearings...

Hachiken: Ah-- In our 360-degree visible radius there is not a single hill or ocean, and all I see are fields. I’ve never seen anything like it in Hokkaido.

Komaba: Hachiken, why did you come dressed so formally?

Hachiken: You were the one that told me there was an interesting business proposal!! Please take my business card!

Komaba: In recent years, Amur Oblast has started to do agriculture-related business with the banks in Hokkaido.

Hachiken: Japan-Russia relations?

Komaba: Yup. A joint venture between the Japanese banks and Amur Oblast. How do I say this, I don’t know if Russians are full of heart or simply rough-handed, but the motto they have here is basically: “sow as you please, and reap as you please”.

Hachiken: Oh… 

[page 8]

Komaba: Due to the effects of global warming, the eternally frozen fields are now arable. And so a Russian dude casually told me to “do as you please” with this huge piece of land.

Russian dude: So you want to use the land? Sure, provided that you can speak the language, have the work ethic, and drink the vodka with me!

Hachiken: Hoho….

Komaba: So I started using the methods we used commonly in Japan to grow soy on the land. In our first year, the crop yield suddenly increased by 50%.

Hachiken: Just how “do as you please” were these Russians before this!!!

Komaba: We are leading the way carefully. With all the knowledge that we’ve accumulated,  we can of course lead carefully.

[page 9] 

(Russian) Kid: ICHIRO -- !! Kid: Done work yet? Komaba: Yup. Kid: Then let’s play some baseball! Kid: Teach me how to toss a forkball! Komaba: Tossing a fork requires muscle! Muscle!

Hachiken: I don’t know what they are talking about, but I can tell it’s about muscles… 

[page 10]

Komaba (Russian): Your hands are still too small, so let’s try it first with your thumb and forefinger. Don’t push yourself, or you’ll hurt your wrist.

Hachiken: Komaba can speak Russian!

Komaba: It’s thanks to Alexandra-san. If you wanna work here, being able to speak Russian is a huge help.

Hachiken: It would’ve been nice to learn some Russian. I was shocked that nobody spoke English here.

Komaba: And the language of sports is universal!

Exclamations in Russian: Yeah!! Alright!!

[page 11]

Hachiken: How popular is baseball in Russia?

Komaba: It’s not at all. If I was born here, I coulda gone to Koushien. Just tell the kids a couple stories about forkballs and the Carps, and they’re immediately hooked. I said I would teach them how to play and the parents cleared the land into a baseball field.

Hachiken: It’s a Field of Dreams. Like an oversized Ezono.

Komaba: Speaking of Ezono, Sakuragi-sensei went to a lot of trouble to help me secure my place here in Russia.

Hachiken: Same here, it’s all thanks to Sakuragi-sensei that I was able to find network connections for pig-raising.

Hachiken: Komaba, do you have your own ranch here yet?

Komaba: That’s the plan right now. But there’s still a lot here yet to be developed. Setting up a grain loading operation near Vladivostok, establishing shipping routes with Hokkaido, I think these projects are all pretty cool.

[page 12]

Komaba: We can provide Hokkaido with cheaper animal feed,  and Hokkaido can provide us with resources and agricultural equipment.  A land filled with so much potential, only 1500km away from my hometown.  Something this interesting, who wouldn’t wanna try their hand at developing it?

Hachiken: You’re not scared of failure?

Komaba: Nothing will move forward if you don’t even try.

[page 13]

Komaba: Our ancestors were the same when they pioneered Hokkaido. Thinking about it that way gives me courage.  (Foul ball!) That being said, the people here won’t sell their land to a foreigner. If I want to have my own ranch here, first I’ll have to take a Russian bride.

Hachiken: Really! Komaba is marrying a Russian girl!

Komaba: What about you? (Kids: Strike out!)

Hachiken: Wat

Komaba: Aren’t you thinking about marrying Aki?

Hachiken: Eh...!! We’re still students...!! And I gotta think about Aki’s feelings too, what kind of nonsense are you spouting!! Even though things have been going well!!

Komaba: Shuddup… 

[page 14]

Hachiken: ….“Hachiken Aki” and “Mikage Yuugo”, Which do you think sounds better?

Komaba: “Mikage Yuugo” definitely has a better rhythm to it.

Hachiken: Yeah, I thought so too.

Komaba: Hey, you guys are happy together, that’s all that matters.

Hachiken: Regardless, my pasture-raised pig business hasn’t even taken off yet, so marriage is out of the question right now.

Komaba: As expected, you wanna do everything too properly.

Hachiken: I need to get my accreditation from the university for food hygiene management, then I’ll be able to build my own private processing plant, Hmm, how many years is that going to take… … 

[page 15]

Komaba: Just work on getting your pig-raising business up and running successfully for now.

Hachiken: Eh?

(Russian) Kid: Ichiro’s friend, come play with us too! Kid: Isn’t it boring to just watch?

Hachiken: Huh? What’s this, what this? What, me?

Komaba: Go hit a few. They think everyone from Japan is good at baseball.

Hachiken: As if. But I should be able to hit some balls if I’m playing with kids…  I can’t make a proper stance wearing these shoes anyway, I’ll just take it ea~sy...

[page 16]

Hachiken: YOU! Hey, what are you playing at!!! As if I’ll be able to hit any of your pitches!!! 

Komaba: This is my revenge for the past!

(kids cheering: Ichiro!! Ichiro!!)

Hachiken: You’re totally motioning for a fly-ball, please just let me lose!!

[page 17]

Hachiken: … I wanna go back to Japan… Man at the net: Ball.

Komaba: You’re not going anywhere!

Hachiken: Why did we come all the way to Russia just to play baseball?  Man at the net: Ball.

Komaba: I know right. To think that a certain somebody had no~idea what they wanted to do in the future when they were a first-year in high school. Why do you raise pigs?

Hachiken: How should I know!! Why are you asking this!! Also, wasn’t it you that called me over to Russia because you needed me!!

Komaba: Ah, right, right.

(Russian) Kid: It’s a homerun!! Kid: So cool!!

[page 18]

Komaba: Hachiken. Come raise your pigs in Russia.

Hachiken: Hah?

Komaba: Nice-- that’s a strike! I’ve been following Ookawa-san’s social media. Your pigs, the annual yield has been increasing quite steadily.

[page 19]

Komaba: To be able to produce that yield in a cold climate pasture, it’s a testament to how hard you’ve worked. Here in Russia, Despite the demand for meat, there are very few guys out here raising livestock. If you wanna get in on it, now’s the time.

Hachiken: … …You trying to pull a scam here?

Komaba: Does it really sound like that? To tell you the truth, if you want to raise livestock, this place is literally El Dorado.

Hachiken: If it’s that good, get the local people here to do it!

[page 20]

Hachiken: Hyah!! Man at the net: Strike!

Komaba: Didn’t I say just now, that I wanted to create a connection between Russia and Hokkaido. You’ll stay over there in Otaru, and I’ll be here in Vladivostok.

Hachiken: So you’re not a scammer! You’re the mafia!

Komaba: Refuse and I’ll break you.

Hachiken: You have no right to be teaching baseball to these poor Russian kids!!!

Komaba: I am Ichiro of the Far East.

Hachiken: Ichiro wouldn’t do something like this!!

Komaba: I’m kidding about breaking you, but I’m serious about the rest.

Hachiken: Do you have proof that this is even profitable!?

[page 21]

Komaba: Nope.

Hachiken: Oi!!!

Komaba: Although I don’t, I think it’ll be interesting to team-up with Hachiken. Let’s do it together.

Hachiken: Eh!?

[page 22]

Hachiken: Why did the ball just now drop like that!?

Komaba: Yes, that’s three strikes!! My victory!!

Hachiken: Ah~~~ I’m conflicted~~~~~

Komaba: Well, I guess that’s true. You’ve got your own life to live.

Hachiken: I’m really~ So conflicted~~~ … You know, I, made a promise long ago to never be the guy that would deny someone of their dream.

[page 23]

Komaba: Ah ha ha! That’s you, all right.

Hachiken: Also, raising pigs on such a wide area of land could be interesting… !!

Komaba: Then it’s decided.

Hachiken: Don’t just say that!

Komaba: Japan’s large-scale industry and greenhouse vegetable industry players are already making moves here.

Hachiken: Ah-- and there’s already talk going around about “growing vegetables with pig manure”, so we’ll have a finger in that pie too…. …No, wait, wait!

(Russian) Kid: What are they chatting about? Kid: Hurry up and tell us too--

Hachiken: Eh? What? Ah! You want me to get out of the batter box? Sorry, sorry!

[page 24]

Komaba: ?

Kid (Russian): Okay!

Hachiken: Whew-- gesturing successful! Oi, Komaba!!

[page 25]

Hachiken: Let’s go again, we’ll decide it with the next ball!!

Komaba: … Hah?

Hachiken: If I hit it, everything before doesn’t count! Komaba, if you win this one, As GINSAJI’s representative, I’ll consider this opportunity more closely!!

Komaba: Are you supposing that, I’ll go easy on you?

[page 26]

Komaba: … …Of course. How will ya know if ya don’t try.

Hachiken: All right Komaba, gimme your best shot!!

Komaba: Since you’re getting serious now, I’ll have to get serious too!!

[page 27]

Hachiken: Are you kidding me! Can’t you go easy on me just a little!!

Komaba: Shut up!! Next up, forkball!! You’ve been warned!!

Hachiken: Please just throw in a straight line!! Kyaaaaaa--

[page 28]

Student: Sensei-- Actually, I was thinking about starting my own business.

Sakuragi: Eh! What type of work?

Student: I love to cook and eat tomato-based recipes, so I want to use the tomatoes that we’ve been growing at home to start a restaurant! … But, people around me say that starting a business right out of high school is pretty impossible, I should probably wait until I mature a bit more… 

Sakuragi: Oh! This tomato is delicious!

Student: Right? The harvest from this year came out just as I imagined it!

Sakuragi: Hm. Starting a business after high school. You may face some difficulties indeed. I understand why the people around you are worried.

[page 29~30]

Sakuragi: And it’s difficult for me to advise you on this as well…  -- Is what I would have said a few years back! Among the students that I’ve taught over the years, there once was a guy who was a runaway from the regular high school examination track; he had come to Ezono with zero goals. The minute he set foot on campus, he suffered one hardship after another. He joined the equestrian club after he was invited by a female classmate. Didn’t even have the guts to drop out. He’d never made pizza once, but endeavored to do it in stride. He christened a pig and cared for it with so much love, that when he cooked and ate its meat he bawled his eyes out. During his part-time job, he wasted a ton of milk and bawled his eyes out again. Snuck out of his dorm in the middle of the night and got slapped with toilet duty. Found a dog in the middle of the school and started to take care of it. Couldn’t refuse anybody’s request and overworked himself so hard, He ended up getting sick on the day of the school festival and couldn’t participate. Borrowed money from his friends and bumbled his way onto a ship bound for Russia.

Other teachers: He didn’t board the ship. He didn’t board it.

[page 31]

Sakuragi: He is the record-holder for the lowest score ever recorded at the Interhigh Equestrian tournament. He suddenly decided in December of his 3rd year that he would attempt the university entrance exam. Started dating the girl that he liked but never got her father’s approval.

Students: Wow, just hearing about this guy makes me anxious… Didn’t even get the father’s approval… 

(T/N: sorry, I don’t remember their names edits plz) Teacher: Oh, and don’t forget the boarding house explosion incident. Teacher: Right, right!

Students: What a scary guy.

Student: … and this person graduated without any issues?

Sakuragi: He did indeed. Apart from all of the above, he also started his own business while he was a student.

[page 32]

Sakuragi: And he’s the reason why all of you get to have such a leisurely pizza party like this, every year. If you’re interested in hearing more,

Let me tell you the story of the many different seeds that this man has sown.

[bedlamgames]

Q&A #100

Yes, been a hundred of this things. Totally a meaningless milestone which is one of my oldest tags on here (assuming any are left after the purge...) still I thought I’d do something for it. 

Specifically I’ve gone back over the old Q&A’s and found some favourite questions and answers which I’ll be including in this after the usual round of outstanding ones. Possibly also with some extra commentary where appropriate. 

Anonymous said: Hey. Any pair of characters connected by an Owned relationship/reputation seems to crash the game if you use either one of them on an assignment. Any chance of this being fixed?

- That should be sorted in yesterday’s update. 

Anonymous said: Got a Forest Goblin with both Dancer and Clumsy. This seems like a very strange combination, but imagining it kind of makes me want to laugh my head off.

- Agreed I think that just works due to being amusing. Less poetry in motion and more of a limerick. 

Anonymous said: In No Haven 0.871 the trait " Elementalist: Air " does not appear when using the estimate value function.

- Cheers for pointing out that oversight. Will sort.

Anonymous said: Hi sory english isn't my native langage, In No Have 0.871 TF Edition I have aquired a slaver But with a bug first i don't know how i acquire her and two she had noting , no name no perk jus a little description i will copy the full examine optin on it : - - - - ExamineName: Race: - Sex: - Status: - Reputation: Traits: Condition: 0 Will: 0 Estimated Value: 0 has a flat chest, a regular pussy, and has an unremarkable ass. She is the same size as most goblins, and .She is . 

- That looks like an empty character in all respects. I believe there was an issue with Ritual Casting where that could happen and is now sorted. If you see it happen again please let me know what you were doing when they appeared. 

Anonymous said: Hey Bedlam, watched stream where you discussed not selling slaves debuff, thing is i always imagined slavers being in this business for fun and pleasure first, and gold second. I mean why else would they agree to live in some Skyrim style, long abandoned really, hard to get to fort in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hills and marshes(at least that how i imagine it)? So maybe you could make something like,"no new slaves, or slave training for X days, getting bored" or something like that?

- It wouldn’t be too harsh at all. Just a bit of a poke to encourage that you’re business model is based around being a slaver over the leader disappearing to the coast for a week and returning with suspiciously large amounts of gold. In that case you’ve got to think that your slavers might feel that they’re surplus to requirements :D

Anonymous said: I hope you're happy for taking so many hours of my life away from me lol. But playing this again; got a question about NH. Any plans on making some rival groups that we can interact with? Diplomacy, getting tribute, ect. It would be kinda cool to have rivals that push you along 

Glad you’re enjoying it! 

Likely yes. There’s ways currently now to set up a few ways to get tribute every so often. More groups though who are more hostile than the not-witches in the marshlands or the mistress of the Ensnared Rose are sure to be a thing sooner or later. 

doof-ex-machina said: Have you read the Gorean saga by John Nornan? If yes, did it influence your vision of the No Haven world? Gor explores a legal female-oriented slave system, yheah, but there are pretty close similarities with NH in regards to the numbers of ‘fodder’ and the ways of training. Anyway, me personally thinks your world is even better because magic and draenei/succubi boobs, duh.

I haven’t but I am aware of them in general. 

NH is a lot more equal opportunities than Gor where males doing it to females, females doing it to males, and all possible variations of that including others like futanari and sissies are likely to happen. Still high praise indeed, thanks!

And now onto some old questions starting with one from before where I realised beginning to combine these might be a good idea. 

onedrift from 2015:  Trying this again...what's your coder fuel of choice? Red bull, Monster, coffee? None of the above? Soon to be bimbofied slavemakers want to know!

- Heh, totally giving my nationality away (if it wasn’t blatantly obvious already) but the fuel of choice is copious amounts of Earl Grey tea.

Anonymous from 2015: Hiya, been a fan of your work for a long time, captions and games thanks for making them, but a question regarding whorelocks revenge, is it possible to get the tangle infection and bonds of insanity? in all my time playing them I never had either I dont think.

- Not in the current version. Basically I wasn’t happy with the implementation in terms of how they were removed so I disabled them for a bit till I can sort it out… which unfortunately has lasted quite some time.

Soon as I got this No Haven update done they’re top of my list of things to sort in Whorelocks.

(Oh zogging hell. Still not done that yet... Extenuating circumstance for sure with NH taking off and WR was still in RAGS at that point, but even so)

Anonymous from 2015: This is probably a poor place to respond to your open-ended poll question, but have you looked into Twine?

- I’ve looked at Twine and when I one day get round to Rough Landing 3 it’s definitely going to be done using it, but to me it looks like an incredibly poor fit for working on No Haven.

(Oh past me why would say such a thing even if it did make a lot of sense at the time. Let’s hope that guy was wrong)

Anonymous from Q&A #1: Title image is hype, cant wait for next update. recall you mentioned that you had enchantments planed for the update after next (or something there abouts) how far ahead have you planned ahead and any spoilers for the update after this one? :D

- Why thank you! I have several pages bullet pointed of what I have planned along with what I have in my head. For stuff not in the next update I’d say not counting more slave training assignments and options and more assignments in the other areas the big bits of content outstanding are;

Way more potions. (Still do do)

Enchantment/cursing of items system.  (Also still do do)

Crafting Devices. (Also, also still do do)

Ways to manage encampments when they get to large by sending slavers/slaves to new areas to provide ongoing gold/supplies along with the occasional assignment. (Oh dear, also, also still do do)

More stuff for you like going on every assignment, bad ends for some of them, more interactions, being enslaved and so on. Basically lots more sub and also some dom content for when you’re not managing the encampment. (Woo progress made! Bad ends for some assignments going on are indeed a thing. Still work to do as I do want to give Crossbones and Into the Depths the QAYL treatment sometime)

Special events that will occur every so often that will affect things be it for good and bad. This will include a way to get a lost slaver back though perhaps forever altered by their experiences. (Woo again this is done. Definitely could do with more done with)

Encampment reputation to reflect a slaver’s standing with how the other slaver’s see them. This will includes slavers becoming slaves and visa versa. (On a roll now as a great deal of this implemented)

More biomancy options and improving thanks to a multi-part assignment. There will also be other multi-part story based assignments. (Partially done and the biomancy multi-part assignment has been started)

And a bunch more basically but those are the priorities after this next update. Probably not all in the same update though.

Anonymous from Q&A #6: I would play the hell out of Paranoia set in No Haven.  

- Temptation to give slavers and you conflicting secret societies and agendas rising.

Y’know like…

Dire Panthers: A mottley band of young savage orcs, amazons and trolls out to raise hell by breaking stuff, setting stuff on fire and generally being a nuisance to everyone.

The Cooperative: A dedicated group of Frozen Queen cultists out to oppose the Human Empire by working together to make things better for the common people… till you know the Queen awakens and buries all the land in eternal ice.

Mage Smashers: Magic iz like wrong an’ stuff! We smash dem in dere stupid face till dey not so smart.

Fellowship-Fel: The denizens that lurk beyond our reality and infect our dreams with tainted nightmares are our friends! We must expose ourselves to as much corruption as possible to make ourselves like them. We see no flaws in this plan whatsoever, you see the chorus of whispers in our minds entirely agrees with us.

Psion: No changes need to be made whatsoever from the original version.

Trekksters: …and I think that’s enough of that, or further evidence of why I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near RAGS or indeed tumblr when I have my old sourcebooks nearby :D

(Also apologies to most of you who have no idea what that was about!) (This is still far too much of a good idea)

Anonymous from Q&A #17: 2/2 and another hilarious one: Your succubus slave Jaeil was not looking so hot right now so Virholen just held her close and told Jaeil that everything would be alright. Jaeil was oddly quiet everytime you looked in on them and you wonder if they have resigned themselves to their fate. Condition: 45 (Change: 20) - Will: 47 (Change: 15)

After their mistreatment Jaeil sees no reason not to only care for them self as clearly no one else will leaving them hardened and even outright cruel. usc++

- You win best bug report in ages, that is beautiful :D

Anonymous from Q&A #37: Will there be other spirit races in the game besides wisps, such as undynes, gnomes, and dryads? And finally Im new to patreon. I decided to pay for the your character teir but ask for a unique because I dont really understand it. Is the “play your character” a scenario or what? And where do I go to talk with you on what I would like for it?

- True story, I had to google undyines and for ages I couldn’t work out what you were referring too as so many of the results were of that character from Undertale :D

Undines themselves would be no, but I do have a water spirit of a kind planned. (Still do!) Gnomes no, as I’m happy with Hakh Dwarven and the various Goblins as my short races. Dryads absolutely yes, and will be one of the advanced races. See the last Q&A for more details of those.

Thank you for your support! Those options are for those that want to play a specific character that isn’t available in the standard options or design a specific slaver that you can have in your encampment. If you want to see some examples of ones others have asked for before on the playable character front then Orc Wright Raptor, Lago’Mae Scholar or Goblin Underground Potioneer would be a good ones to look at to start off with.

As for the unique slavers then pretty much any of the slavers available under Strong Right Arm/Recruiter.

How much detail you want to go into is up to you. If you want to say oh I just want a Kitsune lady who likes to pole-dance then I’d put something together for your approval, or you can go full on detailing everything about them from their art, description, traits etc. and I’ll work with you to the point I’m happy having it as an option in the game. (Note: If you want an entirely new race like the Golems you need to go for the lore tier given the significantly larger amount of work involved)

For discussing please send me a message on patreon and we can take it further from there.

One thing to bare in mind is that patreon only charges at the end of the month, and so while I’m more than willing to talk it out, if you want to me to do a lot of work on your request I’m going to need to see a pledge go through first. It sucks I know, but this is the unfortunate reality of the internet that alas trust can only go so for.

I’m always happy to discuss things though, I really am, and some people have asked to pay some of their pledge upfront via paypal to get round this which is not a problem if that’s what you want to do.

valhallaimmortan from Q&A #47: I managed to get a elven smith who makes fancy armor that is usually masterwork quality, and equipped my ‘Basher’ Squad with it, the Basher’s are all Ogre’s who I recruited and I have a alchemist who seriously creeps me out with how many petrification potions he has been pumping out. I also like the Lago'mae Scholar how now the Lizard man is using her as his new project… poor Scholar… and I got to ask is it actually possible to recruit a keldan from the keldan mission in the city?

- I love this question, absolutely adore it, and you made the patron who requested the lizardman unique really happy when I mentioned it to them. If people want to send in their favourite/amusing/interesting slavers/slaves that have resulted from generation and gameplay I might do a tumblr post series on them called ‘Tell me about your Character’.

As to the question yes she should be on the critical result.

Anonymous from Q&A #61: Silly question. For clothing and armor, what in your mind is the major difference between micro, and impractical? I can’t really visualize a difference between the two when reading armor/clothing descriptions. Scandalously short is divergent enough that it creates its own image for me. The other two seem as if they would be interchangeable, but they aren’t since there is a distinction so what is it?

- Yay silly questions are always the best questions. Okay micro is where you have outfits that are recognizable bits of clothing but it’s incredibly brief so a skirt that’s more a belt than actually trying to cover anything whatsoever and/or a bikini top so teeny-weeny that it doesn’t even cover all of the nipples. Completely impractical though is the kind of clothing beloved by a certain kind of fantasy art which just doesn’t make any kind of sense whatsoever where looking good trumps any pretension of realism, and the only way it could stay on is either with copious amounts of glue or magic being involved.

Anonymous from Q&A #66: Hello again! I’m the guy who asked about the post-slave [slaver] titles. I’m going to very respectfully push the idea that ex-slaves should get unique titles. First, I honestly think having the unique titles is cooler. It’s more interesting to send a Chosen, an Acolyte, and a Hedge-Witch on an assignment than it is to send three Slavers. It’s a rarity thing, sort of? If you get a character who qualifies for one of those things, it’s a BIG DEAL. Secondly, it already changes with jobs, so…

- Alright, alright, you’ve twisted my arm :)

That should now be included for the most recent update along with a couple of new titles so that all of the more rare traits (not counting crafting ones) should have one. Let me know if there’s any issues as while it was a fairly straightforward change I didn’t get a chance to test that particular bit.

Thanks for reading and here’s to another hundred of these. 

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 019

Not a hoax, not a dream, not an alternate reality!   Goku finally meets King Kai in this episode.

Yeah, I’d be surprised too, if I were Goku.

When Goku first got here, he thought the monkey was King Kai, but no, it’s just King Kai’s pet Bubbles.   Bubbles, of course, was named after Michael Jackson’s pet chimpanzee.   I looked him up and apparently he’s still alive, although Jackson had to turn him over to an animal sanctuary in 2003 because he was getting to big and strong to keep as a pet.    I never knew this before.   I had heard of chimp owners getting viciously attacked and losing fingers, eyes, and faces, but I didn’t understand how it ever got to that point.   Apparently the chimpanzees that everyone thinks are cute are just young chimpanzees.    The adults are much bigger and more aggressive, to the point where humans just can’t control them.     At least in the case of Bubbles (the real-world chimp, I mean), it took twenty years for him to get to that point.  

Maybe that’s why people think they can keep them as pets in the first place.    They don’t realize that chimpanzees have such long lifespans.    A cat or a dog might die of old age before getting anywhere close to 20, but a chimpanzee is just reaching adulthood.    That’s nuts.   I’m 42.   If I adopted a baby chimpanzee right now, I’d be in my 60′s right around the time he’s old enough to dismember me and anyone else who tried to come to my aid.   That’s just insane.   No one needs to be doing that, I don’t care who you are.    I’ll bet you a dollar MJ probably waited too long to give up Bubbles, too.   It’s probably more like fifteen years and then you’re in moral peril.   

Like, big cats, that’s another stupid thing.  On paper, they pretty much act like house cats, maybe.   Even if that were true 100% of the time, they’re still huge.   A house cat will claw you for no good reason.   They’re assholes, but we keep them as pets because they’re small enough that they’re not dangerous.   If a lion got a little overeager at playtime, he’d probably disembowel you and not even realize he’d done it.  Oh he might feel real sad about it afterward, but you’re still dead.    I’ve encountered enough sketchy dogs in my lifetime that I wouldn’t want to mess around with anything bigger and less domesticated.  

You know what?   Horses are kind of bullshit too.   People act like they’re totally fine and you can sit on top of one and nothing’ll happen, but that’s insane.   Christopher Reeve knew what he was doing and look what happened to him.   Forget riding them, I don’t trust their giant teeth.   People hold food up to their mouths like it’s no big deal, but I bet a horse could bite your finger off and not even care.   You get stitches and have to re-learn how to hold a pen, and Mr. Ed probably gets put out to stud because “You just didn’t handle him right,” or whatever.   No.   Not me, pal.    I don’t hate horses.    They’re beautiful animals.   Steel Ball Run was great.   I just don’t want to be anywhere near one, for the same reason I don’t want to be anywhere near a minefield. 

Sorry, I got off on a tangent.   My point is that Michael Jackson took Bubbles to Japan for a world tour in 1987, and Wikipedia says Bubbles drank tea with the mayor of Osaka, so I’m betting that had something to do with King Kai’s pet monkey.    But I trust King Kai to have a pet monkey, because he’s super strong and Bubbles seems pretty chill.

Where was I?   Oh, right, King Kai’s super into puns, which seems to be a stable of Japanese humor, probably because there’s so many homonyms in the language.   None of this translates very well into English, which is why the subtitles rely on rhymes instead of puns, or just really, really bad puns.    The Funimation Dub just fell back on corny jokes, like “What’s the difference between a jailer and a jeweler?”   There’s puns incorporated into the jokes, but from what I can tell the Japanese version is strictly into wordplays without setups or punchlines.  

Goku has to fake laugh a lot around King Kai, because he threatens to not train him unless he has a sense of humor.   This is why puns suck, by the way.   Used sparingly, and with great care, they can be very funny, but too many people try to use brute force in place of comedic timing.   “Hey, baby, do you have 11 protons?   Because you’re sodium fine?”   The words “sodium” and “so damn” sound almost nothing alike, but they share exactly four letters, so someone decided it barely qualifies as a wordplay, but we all know that it really doesn’t.   The “joke” is actually that it’s not a very good joke at all, since the setup takes forever to execute, and it telegraphs the punchline, which requires a lot of mental gymnastics to even interpret as a punchline.   It doesn’t provoke laughter so much as a feeling of “Oh, I guess that is vaguely a word play, so it’s mildly clever.”    The real satisfaction of telling this is to irritate people.     You can either laugh at the joke and pretend it’s funny, or you can no-sell the joke and everyone gets a tickle out of how “humorless” you are, when no, it’s the joke’s fault for not being funny.   

What makes King Kai a funny character is that he’s the gag.   Humor is about reversing expectations, like when you read an anime liveblog and the guy starts ranting about how you can’t trust horses.   Goku was sent to train under this guy because he’s like the god of all the Kamis on every planet in the universe.    He’s supposed to be the best possible instructor there is.   Then Goku runs all this way to meet him and all he wants to do is talk about puns.    He sounds exactly like the narrator (or, if you’re watching it in English, he sounds like Goku doing a funny voice, which is also kind of freaky when you think about it.)  

But the biggest punchline is that he’s not even that powerful.  Oh, he’s stronger than Goku, sure, but the Saiyans heading for Earth are still stronger, so Goku will have to surpass King Kai just to stand a chance.   And it took Goku over six months just to get here.   He’s got 158 days to close the gap, and he just wasted ten minutes on a free comedy lesson.   The world is going to end.    But not yet.   One sells watches, the other watches cells.

First thing’s first, Goku needs to get acclimated to the intense gravity of King Kai’s planet.  As small as the planet is, the gravity is ten times that of Earth, which is why Goku is having such a hard time moving around.   But the other Saiyans all grew up on a planet with the same gravity, so it’s just as well that he get used to this now.   King Kai tells him to chase Bubbles around until he can catch him, and once he pulls that off, he’ll be ready to train in earnest.   

Goku struggles at first, but then he remembers to take off his weighted training clothes to make things easier.    He wasn’t even wearing those when he died, so it’s kind of weird that he got to keep them.   

Goku also asks for a meal, since he hasn’t eaten since Princess Snake’s place.  King Kai finds it unusual that a dead man would be hungry, which sort of makes me wonder about all the other Saiyans who have died.   Do they hunger, even without their bodies?   Best not to think about it. 

King Kai tells him to put his weighted gear back on, since it’ll make the training more effective.   Goku isn’t keen on that idea, but King Kai explains to him how dangerous the Saiyans are, and how he’ll need to do whatever it takes to defeat them.

But Goku’s not worried because he’s a Saiyan himself.   That... hasn’t exactly helped him so far, but I like his confidence.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, Piccolo is still training Gohan.    Gohan finally manages to score a blow on Piccolo, so I wanted to make note of it here.   Good hustle, Son.

BEST GREEN DAD

BEST GREEN UNCLE DAD

BEST GREEN DAD

BEST GREEN DAD

BEST GREEN DAD

In spite of Piccolo threatening to murder his father, Gohan tells him that Goku always used to say that the current Piccolo isn’t as bad a guy as the previous King Piccolo.   Gohan agrees with that sentiment.

So Piccolo gets all tsundere on him.    “I’m totally gonna kill your dad, b-baka!”

Back on King Kai’s planet, Goku indeed manages to catch Bubbles.    Even with the weighted training clothes on.   Good hustle, Son.

King Kai is impressed.   To overcome the gravity in just one day is remarkable in itself.

He even entertains the hope that Goku might be able to master the Kaio-ken technique.   But those beads of sweat on his head suggest that we’re a long way from a guarantee.

[keichanz]

You Rescued Me: Chapter 3

I am just...absolutely floored by how much positive feedback this story is getting and I just love and appreciate you all so much thank you! <3<3

Read on AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 || Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 || Chapter 15 || Epilogue 

Kagome froze and the color drained out of her face. “Gone?” she whispered. “What…what do you mean gone?”

His frown deepened and he took a step closer, ready to catch her because she looked about ready to collapse. “Hachi himself went to the road I found you on last night but he said there wasn’t any car parked on the side of it. Anywhere. Nothing in the fields, or any ditches, not even any car parts lying around. So somebody either towed it themselves and stole it for parts or—”

“He has it,” Kagome whispered, her face deathly pale and her brown eyes large with terror.

A shaking hand came up to unconsciously touch the tender and bruised skin at her throat. “Naraku, he—he has it, I know he does. Oh my god, he found me. He found me, he found the car—” Kagome’s voice was steadily becoming hysterical, the pitch rising, her pupils dilating as the panic started to set in. The coffee mug fell from her suddenly nerveless fingers, landing on the barn floor and spilling its contents but it went ignored by both.

“Fuck—Kagome? Kagome, hey, c’mon—shit!” He caught her before she hit the ground and lifted her up into his arms only to set her gently back down on the hay bale. Quickly he knelt in front of her and took her shaking shoulders into his hands, the concern writ large on his face as he ducked his head to catch her gaze. “Kagome, look at me. Look at me.”

His voice must have breached the fog taking over her mind because her wide, tearful eyes connected with his own and he squeezed her shoulders, his voice hard and resolved. “He hasn’t found you, Kagome, he found your car, alright? There’s no guarantee he knows where you are—Kagome, baby, are you listening? Kagome.”

When all she continued to do was stare at him with those impossibly wide eyes, still shaking, unresponsive, Inuyasha cursed and stood up before swiftly lifting her up into his arms and taking her place on the bale. He set her down on his thigh and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight and whispering reassurances in her ear, willing her to calm, hating that he could detect the acrid stench of fear poisoning her beautiful scent.  

“Kagome, listen to me,” he entreated heatedly and hoped she could hear his words. “I won’t let him find you, alright? You’re safe here, I promise. He’ll never hurt you again. Okay? I’ll protect you; I won’t let him anywhere near you, do you hear me? I will protect you.”

Something he said must have penetrated through frightened haze that had taken over her mind because gradually the shaking slowed and then with one last shudder she slumped against him and Inuyasha breathed a sigh of relief. He felt her hands come up to clutch his shirt and he rocked her in his lap, tightening his arms around her and leaning back just enough to glance at her face. Her eyes were closed, her forehead was scrunched slightly and her breathing was a little labored, but all in all she seemed to be back from whatever hell she’d temporarily disappeared to.

“Kagome?” he breathed, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek, frowning at the clammy feel of her skin against his palm. “You with me?” He tucked a wayward strand of ebony hair behind her ear and trailed his fingers gently along the line of her jaw before he could stop himself, tracing the dark bruise.

A beat of silence passed, and then Kagome sucked in a breath, let it out in a slow, steady exhale, and finally opened her eyes. He was relieved to see they were clear, though still bright from her tears, and unthinkingly he wiped away the wetness on her still pale cheek. The corners of her lips twitched as she tried to smile and she swallowed once, twice, before rasping, “Sorry.”

Quickly Inuyasha shook his head. “Stop apologizing,” he murmured. “You okay?”

Touched by his concern, Kagome managed a real smile that time and nodded. “Yes.  I don’t…know what happened.” She dropped her gaze then blinked at the wet stop on his t-shirt, blushing prettily. “Oh,” she squeaked, embarrassed. “Sorry.” Her fingertips brushed the damp spot that had darkened the fabric.

“Keh.” Satisfied she was truly okay, Inuyasha leaned back but made no effort to get up or remove her from his lap. “S’fine. It’ll dry.” Kagome’s flush deepened and she ducked her head, causing him to frown again. “Are you sure you’re—”

“Did you mean it?” she asked in barely above a whisper, her hands twisting the material of his shirt and Inuyasha knew what she meant without having to ask.

He didn’t say anything until she finally grew restless enough with his silence to glance sheepishly up at him through her eyelashes and when bashful caramel eyes filled with cautious hope collided with dark honey, Inuyasha hooked his finger under her chin and tilted her face up so he had a clear view. He watched as her eyes widened slightly and her flush grew darker and then he rumbled, “Yeah, Kagome. I meant it.”

Surprising both of them, Inuyasha boldly leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “I’ll protect you. I promise.”

The axe glinted in the sunlight menacingly before swinging down with expert precision a second later and cleaving the block of wood into two neat halves. They fell to the sides with a dull thud onto the dusty ground and clawed hands picked them up and tossed them into a trailer attached to an ATV.

Another block of wood was set up to be cut and once more Inuyasha reared back and sent the axe swinging down with probably more force than was necessary, but it got the job done and two more halves of firewood were added to the steadily growing pile. Despite it being summer and really not having a need for firewood, Inuyasha needed something to vent out his pent up frustration and anger on and he figured he could give a load to his parents, sell some – it was prime season for camping and bonfires and shit – and add the rest to his own stock for the winter.

And also it felt damn good swinging that axe down and pretending it was the head of the fucker who dared put his hands on Kagome.

A lethal growl welled up in his throat as the blade descended once more and he brought it down so forcefully the two halves of wood shot out to the sides and the blade embedded into the old tree stump he used as a chopping block. Inuyasha grunted and gave a few good yanks, but the thing didn’t budge and he cursed before giving a mental “fuck it” and kicking the thick stump in disgust. Upon further inspection he noted the axe was buried halfway into the old wood and he snorted. Whatever, the trailer was getting full anyway and he needed a break.

From his sprawled out position on the ground nearby, soaking up some sunshine, Jax lifted his head and stared at him.

Inuyasha narrowed his gaze. “What’re you lookin’ at?”

Jaxson blinked, yawned, and went back to napping.

Grumbling under his breath, Inuyasha sighed and reached up and behind him to grab a fistful of his shirt and tug it off, knocking off his hat in the process but ignoring it as he used the dirty tee to mop up the sweat on his face and neck. He slung it over his shoulder and stalked over the ATV, grabbing a half-full water bottle and finishing the contents as he plopped down into the seat and then chucking the empty into the trailer to take care of later.

Then with a deep sigh, Inuyasha fished his cigs out of his pocket and lit up, the familiar burn of the smoke hitting his throat as he inhaled easing the tension of his muscles. And like he knew it would, his mind ventured toward the one direction in which he’d been trying not to go toward, but this time he let thoughts of the beautiful young woman currently staying with him swarm his mind. It was stupid, and irrational, and didn’t make a lick of sense, but Inuyasha couldn’t believe how damned attached he was to her already. Not only was she fucking beautiful with a body that had Inuyasha damn near panting with want, she was so goddamn strong, too. Despite the hell she’d been through, she still laughed, smiled, didn’t let what happened ruin her life and, God, he admired the hell out of her for that.  Instead of letting Naraku’s abuse rule her every waking thought and her decisions, Kagome refused to let it define her, refused to sit back and let it take over her life.

The thing he admired most, though, was the fact that she’d had the brains to actually leave the moment he struck her instead of convincing herself it wouldn’t happen again and staying with him. She hasn’t listened to his lies or bullshit he spewed from his mouth and got the hell out of there, even though her heart must have been breaking. Four years was a long time, after all. Four years of memories, happy moments and laughter, of a love that she’d thought would last forever. Or maybe it was more like two years, since she’d said the last two hadn’t exactly been paradise. Despite that though, a life you shared with someone for four years was still difficult to forget.

Familiar jealousy roared through him at the thought of Kagome being with anybody else and Inuyasha growled, teeth clamping own on the cigarette between his lips as once more his eyes were drawn to the barn, the longing hitting him hard and swift. Dammit, but he had no fucking right to be jealous. He’d just met the woman for god sakes, and even if she did make his heart race, his brain to short-circuit and his blood to boil, he doubted she would ever feel the same way, and not just because her last relationship had turned sour.

She had to know by now that he wasn’t all human. If the claws, eye color and hair haven’t given it away, he was positive his ears did and the few times he’d taken his hat off around her, he hadn’t failed to miss the way her eyes darted up and caught the twitching movement of the trait that marked him a half-demon. And she was either really good at hiding her disgust at his half-breed status, or…she actually didn’t care he was a half-demon.

Inuyasha prayed it was the latter because…he wanted her to stay with him. And he was a fucking horrible person because when Hachi had told him her car was gone, he had felt a rush of guilty relief because it meant she’d be staying longer, even though it also meant that she was potentially in danger again from her ex, but he kept telling himself, even if it was to make him feel better about it, that it didn’t matter because he would protect her. Inuyasha didn’t want to let her go and he wouldn’t let that twisted son of a bitch touch her.

Abruptly he scowled and reached up to pinch the cancer-stick in his fingers, exhaling with rough growl and watching the smoke curl upward and dissipate. Fan-fucking-tastic—not only was he a jealous asshole, but now he was a jealous and selfish asshole with a possessive streak.

Wasn’t he a goddamn prize.

Groaning, Inuyasha dropped his head into his hand and ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head and gritting his teeth. Fuck, but how could such a little slip of a woman affect him so much? And in such a short amount of time? He’d thought he had been content living alone on his plot of land, taking care of Jax and Rain, and not worrying about much of anything. But then Kagome came into his life and suddenly he can’t imagine his home without her in it. However brief it was, he liked seeing her in his house, in the bedroom he’d given her. He liked seeing her in the barn. He fucking loved that she adored Jax and Rain too, that they appeared to like her back, and it was astonishing, but he liked having someone to protect, too. He hadn’t realized how damned lonely he was before Kagome, and now…now he couldn’t picture his life without her in it, and yeah it was selfish, and crazy, and momentously stupid given he’d only known her for a not even a full day, but…

“I’m a fucking idiot,” he whispered and wondered if noon was too early to start drinking because he could really go for a cold beer right about now, and not just because it was hot as balls out.

Inuyasha was distracted from his musings when Jaxson suddenly lifted his head and stared toward the driveway with rapt attention, his ears perked and nose twitching. Then a second later he scrambled to his feet and started barking just as the sound of tires crunching over gravel reached Inuyasha’s ears and he turned his gaze to his driveway in time to watch a familiar black jeep crest the hill his house sat on.

He didn’t move as the vehicle came to a stop beside his truck, taking a drag from his cigarette then pinching it between two fingers and staring at it dispassionately as he blew out the smoke in a steady exhale. A car door opened and closed and footsteps approached as Inuyasha stuck the fag back between his lips and propped his elbows on his knees, hands dangling between his thighs as he stared at the dusty ground at his feet. A pair of sneakers came into his view and he sighed.

“What do you want, Miroku?” he mumbled as Jax trotted over to greet the visitor.

His best friend obligingly gave the canine some ear rubs with a fond smile before facing the half-demon and arching a brow at him. “Hello to you, too,” he said dryly.

Inuyasha flipped him off.

Miroku snorted. “Aren’t you in fine form today.” He stuck his hands in his pockets and considered his half-human friend thoughtfully, violet eyes speculating but non-accusing. “You never called me back last night.” It wasn’t a question, but it required an answer nonetheless.

“What are you, my mother?” Inuyasha grouched, finally lifting his head and aiming a scowl at the dark-haired man.

Miroku was unfazed, used to his friend’s gruff and oftentimes temperamental attitude. “Are you going to tell me?”

“Tell you what?” the half-demon grunted and glared off to the side.

“I’ve known you since we were children, Inuyasha,” Miroku remarked, sounding exasperated. “I’m fairly confident I can tell by now when something has happened.”

Inuyasha snorted. “Oh yeah, and how can you tell?”

Miroku leveled him with a deadpan look and crossed his arms. “You mean besides the fact that you’re grouchier than usual today and your cigarette is down to nothing and you haven’t even noticed?”

Inuyasha blinked at him and grabbed the cig with his fingers. He was right; nothing but the orange filter was left and Inuyasha sighed in defeat, reaching behind him to stick the butt into the tin can he kept in the ATV’s cup holder. He should have known Miroku would know something was up. He’d always been perceptive, ever since they were kids, and Inuyasha could say with certainty that the human man probably knew him better than he knew himself.

Deciding there wouldn’t be any point in delaying the inevitable – if there was a woman involved, Miroku would find a way – Inuyasha abruptly stood up and walked over to swipe his hat off the ground, slapping it against his thigh a few times to get the dust off, before shoving it back over his ears. With a jerk of his head he gestured for his friend to follow him then wordlessly headed for the open barn entrance, not bothering to put his shirt back on.

Frowning, Miroku trailed after him, a little disquieted at his friend’s odd behavior, and hoping that whatever he was going to show him would help shed some light.

Inuyasha propped his shoulder against the doorjamb, crossed his arms, and waited.

Coming up beside him, Miroku followed Inuyasha’s gaze and out of everything he could have possibly imagined, finding a beautiful woman grooming Rain and talking to the mare quietly was definitely not something he would have considered.

His eyes widened, his mouth dropped, and all he could do was stare. Since her left side was facing them, his eyes instantly zeroed in on the very noticeable bruise darkening the skin of her jaw and it felt like he was punched in the gut, suddenly feeling weak. His hand shot out and grabbed Inuyasha’s shoulder for support. He didn’t think he would, but Miroku was glad his friend didn’t protest and allowed himself to be used as a leaning post of sorts.

“Christ,” Miroku muttered, definitely unprepared for the sight of a woman who’d obviously been abused. “Is she—how—” He couldn’t grasp a single thought to voice aloud and stuttered over his words, but thankfully Inuyasha knew what he was trying to say.

Inuyasha’s voice was low, not wanting to attract Kagome’s attention yet and reveal she had an audience. “I came across her last night during our call,” he explained, not once taking his eyes off of her. “Her car broke down and she was being harassed by two drunken idiots. Told her she could stay with me until she figures out what to do next.” Not the whole truth, but not lying, either. He didn’t want to tell him the circumstances that had brought her to that back road; it wasn’t his story to tell. And judging by Miroku’s initial reaction, Inuyasha wagered he already had a pretty good idea, anyway.

Recovering from his bout of brief but intense nausea, Miroku sucked in a breath and released Inuyasha’s shoulder to thrust a hand through his hair, his face grim as he studied the woman who’d yet to notice them discussing her. He didn’t question the half-demon on his decision to host the woman; despite the gruff exterior he liked to portray, his friend had a heart of gold and had always harbored a soft spot for beings weaker than him and took it up on himself to protect them if he was capable. It was one of the best traits about him, and one Miroku admired.

However, he never thought he’d see the day where Inuyasha, the tough-as-nails, scowling, and grouchy half-demon, would take in such a delicate creature as an abused woman.

“Where is her car now? Hachi’s?” Miroku asked, sensing the need to keep their presence from registering and keeping his voice soft as well.

When Inuyasha didn’t answer, Miroku frowned and glanced at him. His friend’s jaw was clenched, a dark scowl was on his face, and his entire body had tensed. A feeling of dread washed over him; that did not bode well.

Fearing that he’d be unable to keep quiet as he explained, Inuyasha spun around and walked away. The footsteps behind him told him his friend was following and when he was sure Kagome wouldn’t be able to hear them, he turned back around and is face was composed once more. “Hachi went to pick it up himself,” Inuyasha stated when he reached him. “It wasn’t there. She thinks—” He stopped and cringed, unwilling to air out Kagome’s dirty laundry, as it were. “She has an idea of why it’s missing, and I’m…helping her figure out the next step.” It was vague, but the best he could do, and hoped Miroku accepted it.

Thankfully he did. Miroku only nodded and crossed his arms, looking thoughtful. Then he sighed and looked Inuyasha straight in the eye; it startled the half-demon slightly at how serious his friend looked, though he supposed even the biggest jokers could be serious when the time called for it. “While I don’t know the whole story, and I won’t ask you to tell me, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that she’s running from whoever did that to her face.”

Inuyasha grimaced, but nodded. Damn perceptive human.

“I thought as much. Is she going to press charges or has she already?”

Inuyasha frowned and looked toward the doorway from whence they came. “I’m not sure. I didn’t ask, and she hasn’t brought it up.”

“You might want to mention it, then,” Miroku mused aloud, also staring at the doorway. “It will add an extra layer of protection to her, and I’m sure knowing the police are out looking for him will ease her mind somewhat.”

Inuyasha sighed and leaned against the barn, rubbing his forehead and closing his eyes. “Yeah,” he muttered. What Miroku said made sense, but he was still reluctant to bring it up, afraid she might have another panic attack.

“You’re not going to work, are you?” Miroku questioned, already suspecting the answer.

The silver-haired half-demon shook his head.  “I called off this morning and told Totosai to just take it out of my personal time since I thought it’d just be a day, but after Hachi called and said the car is gone, I texted the old man and said I’m taking a week of my vacation time. I dunno how long this is gonna take, and I want…” He paused, and then added in a low murmur, “She needs to be protected.”

Miroku nodded gravely, his heart going out to the beautiful woman Inuyasha had taken in. No woman ever deserved to go through what she had. “Indeed she does, my friend. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help. I will not let the scum who did that to her get away with it.” His eyes flashed with steely resolve, determined to bring justice to that which was wronged, and Inuyasha admired the hell out of him for it, glad and so goddamn grateful that he had a friend like Miroku he could depend on.

“Thanks, Miroku,” Inuyasha rumbled, and when Miroku stuck his hand out, he clasped it firmly, giving a curt nod. “Knew I could count on you. Just…keep it on the DL?”

Giving his best friend’s hand a squeeze, the dark-haired man returned the nod. “Of course, my friend. And if there’s anything I can do to help…”

“I’ll keep you posted.”

Reluctantly Miroku retreated to his jeep and slid behind the wheel but didn’t immediately take off, pinching the bridge of his nose with a vexed frown and wondering what he could possibly do to help his longtime friend and his beautiful guest.

“What was all that about? Are you alright?”

Sighing, Miroku lifted his head and turned his gaze to the gorgeous specimen sitting in his passenger seat. He offered her a strained smile, suddenly feeling older than dirt after his conversation with the half-demon. “I’m fine,” he assured. “My friend, on the other hand…” He sighed again. “I can’t share the details, but it seems his lady friend is in some trouble and it’s really weighing on him. I’ve never seen him so enamored with a woman before, and just for that alone I offered my assistance should he require it. He deserves some happiness in his life, as I have found some of my own.”

With that he reached across the console and covered her hand with one of his, giving her one of his charming smiles.

She blushed but smiled back, wondering how she had lucked out in finding such a thoughtful and generous man like him. Didn’t hurt that he was devilishly handsome, too.

He nodded to the phone in her lap. “Any luck?”

Her smile faded and she sighed, shaking her head. “No, still nothing. It’s so strange…this isn’t like her. From all those missed calls, you’d think she’d answer right away when I called back.”

Revving up the engine and shifting into reverse, Miroku backed up until he was facing the road again then shifted into drive and headed back down the driveway. “Has this happened before?”

She frowned, magenta eyes swimming with worry for her friend. “Once ore twice. I know sometimes her sorry excuse for a boyfriend will steal her phone and deliberately ignore my calls because he doesn’t like me and most of the time he’ll just turn the phone off because he gets sick of me calling over and over, but this…I don’t know, am I being paranoid?” She opened her messaging app and sent out yet another text to her best friend: call me asap!

“No,” Miroku immediately reassured and once more took her hand in his. “You’re just concerned for your friend, dearest Sango. Just like I am for Inuyasha and his friend, and I want to help. It’s completely natural.” He turned right at the end of the drive, then hung a left.

Relaxing into her seat, Sango smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Do you want me to take you to her apartment so you can check on her?”

Sango contemplated that for a minute, and then shook her head. “Mm, thanks, but no. It’s probably just Naraku being a dick again.” She rolled her eyes. “I keep telling her to break up with that asshole, but she always makes excuses for him.”

Miroku frowned. “It doesn’t sound very healthy.”

She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think so either, but I guess as long as she’s happy.” Sango sighed, and then shook her head and tipped him another smile. “Anyway, I’m sure she’s fine and probably just wanted to rant about her stupid boyfriend again. Now let’s go get some chow, I’m starved!”

Chuckling, Miroku grinned and brought her hand up to his lips. “As my lady commands.”

After his friend left ten minutes later, Inuyasha stood watching the jeep roll away down his driveway until he disappeared, his mind slightly at ease now that he had someone else he could depend on, but he still wasn’t any closer to a solution to his problem. Or rather, Kagome’s problem; he had a sinking feeling in his gut that her dirtbag of an ex-boyfriend was getting very close to discovering where she was, and when that happened, her safety would be jeopardized. He couldn’t—wouldn’t allow that to happen. Not on his watch, not while she was under his protection.

First things first, though. Heaving a sigh, Inuyasha turned around and headed for the barn where Kagome was still grooming Rain, his ears picking up her voice talking in gentle tones with the mare, and he had to smile. She’d truly bonded with the animal, and he had to admit, he was relieved and glad she seemed to be settling in nicely. Of course he knew eventually she’d have to leave and the thought sent a pang through his chest, so he forcibly shoved those thoughts away to dwell on another time.

The sight that greeted him when he walked into the barn gave him pause and something warm bloomed in chest, chasing away the previous chill that had rooted there at the idea of her leaving, and Inuyasha emitted a rough exhale. Her forehead rested on Rain’s long nose while her hands stroked the softness of her muzzle and her eyes were closed. The mare appeared completely at ease with the woman’s closeness, remaining still and offering her the comfort Kagome so desperately needed and silently Inuyasha praised the oftentimes volatile mare for her rare show of gentleness.

Then Kagome smiled, Inuyasha’s heart skipped a beat, and Rain swung her head around to level her dark eyes on him. Kagome pulled back and followed her gaze, her own eyes widening slightly when she saw him, though her smile didn’t fade.

“Hi,” she greeted while Rain gave her own hello by snorting and pawing the ground once.

“Hey.” Inuyasha closed the distance between them and lightly scratched the area under the horse’s forelock. Rain snorted and lifted her head, decided his hat looked like a tasty snack, and lipped at it curiously. Inuyasha rolled his eyes and leaned back, gently shoving her head away but she kept coming back, determined. “Dammit, my hat ain’t a snack.”

Rain ignored him and went for his hair instead.

Inuyasha snorted, retrieved one of the treats he kept in his pocket for this exact reason and offered it to her on the flat of his palm.

Kagome laughed quietly as the mare, instantly distracted by the tasty treat, lipped it off his hand and munched away. “You know, I read somewhere that it could be she thinks you need a little grooming,” she teased him, stroking the Paint’s long neck fondly.

Rolling his eyes, Inuyasha crossed his arms and it was then that Kagome realized her half-demon host was quite shirtless. “Probably, but she needs to quit it. Believe it or not, she’s not very disciplined, because Rin lets her get away with a lot of shit, like the hair thing. I’m gonna talk to Sess about hiring a trainer to work with her, or something.” He shrugged and directed his gaze to the woman, but found her attention focused somewhere lower than his face and his eyebrows rose in amusement, secretly pleased.

Kagome already knew that Inuyasha was physically fit. If she hadn’t been able to guess just from his arms alone, thick with muscle and obvious strength, she’d definitely been able to tell when he’d cradled her in his lap earlier. Although she had been distracted with other thoughts at the time, she could clearly recall how solid he’d felt against her, his chest firm and warm, his arms steel bands wrapped around her, protecting her, remembering how safe she’d felt in those arms. His thighs had felt like granite beneath her and she blushed because the thought of his thighs made her think of other things and she really did not need to go there.

So, yes, Kagome had been expecting a nice sculpted chest lightly furred with fine silver hair, wasn’t surprised that it tapered down into a lean waist with lines of delicious muscle contouring a defined abdomen, had even imagined there would be a line of silver hair that disappeared into his jeans that her eyes greedily trailed down before she could stop herself.

What she hadn’t been prepared for, however, were the scars.

His chest and abdomen were littered with small silvery scars, as if someone had taken a knife and slashed at him repeatedly. What really drew her attention, however, were two significantly larger ones. Even with his arms crossed, Kagome could make out the shiny scar tissue of a long-ago healed wound in the center of his chest, partially hidden by his arms, but enough was visible for her to note that it must have been pretty severe and possibly life-threatening since it was over his heart. The second one she noticed was on his left shoulder, and though it was smaller and slightly star-shaped with its rough edges, it was still large enough to indicate that the injury must have been painful.

Then suddenly a brown snout started nosing around Inuyasha’s pockets, no doubt seeking more delicious treats, and Kagome realized that, despite having only been studying his scars, it certainly hadn’t looked that way and her face flamed as she quickly averted her gaze back to his face. “S-sorry,” she squeaked and promptly busied herself with continuing her earlier activity of grooming Rain, snatching a curry brush out of the kit and dragging it over the mare’s belly in a circular pattern like he’d showed her previously.

Inuyasha was silent and after a moment Kagome dared to peek at his face. He was simply watching her, his face unreadable, his gaze considering and slowly Kagome relaxed. He did that a lot, she noticed. Just stared at her thoughtfully, his expression giving nothing away, but Kagome never felt uncomfortable under his quietly assessing gaze. She could find no judgment in those amber depths, no malice or disgust, nothing to hint or suggest that his thoughts were less than kind; no, what she found was always a calm contemplation so Kagome was content to let him gather his thoughts as he watched her.

Eventually, after another minute of his silent scrutiny, Inuyasha rumbled, “Don’t worry about it,” and the smile she sent him was so adorably shy it instantly made him feel better.

He wasn’t a fool. He knew she’d been staring at more than just his naked skin, had seen the way her eyes widened, and even though he wasn’t ashamed and didn’t really care what people thought of his scars, Inuyasha discovered that he did care about what this particular person thought of them and so he’d braced himself, mentally kicking himself for not thinking to put his shirt back on before approaching.

But then the longer she’d studied his body riddled with the evidence of his time in the military, Inuyasha realized that her face held nothing but curious observation. Sure, there was some surprise, which was to be expected, and a hint of sorrow, but truly Inuyasha could not detect any signs that led him to believe Kagome was horrified or disgusted. Actually, he could still see flashes of admiration in her eyes and if that blush on her face was any indication Kagome was far from disgusted by what she saw.

And, well, shit, wasn’t that a turn on and a huge ego booster.

Relaxing fully now, confident in the knowledge that she found him attractive, a discreet sniff in her direction told him exactly how much she liked what she saw and Inuyasha had to resist the urge to return the flattering sentiment by eyeing her chest and exposed legs. The shirt she was wearing clung very nicely to her form so it was a bit of a feat, but he managed to keep his eyes in neutral territory after reminding himself again the circumstances of how she’d ended up here.

Shaking his head, annoyed at himself, Inuyasha reached down and grabbed a hold of Rain’s halter, tugging her head back up to stop her from looking for more treats. He studied her quietly for a minute while she pretended she didn’t notice his scrutiny, and then he sighed and asked her in a low rumble, “Are you going to press charges?”

Kagome froze and the hand brushing the hair on the horse’s rump stilled. She bowed her head and her hair falling to shield her face prevented him from seeing her expression. Inuyasha frowned and took a few experimental sniffs, ears listening intently, but didn’t detect anything more alarming than a slight spike in her heart rate, so he waited until she was ready to speak and once more wrestled Rain’s head away from his jeans. She snorted her displeasure and pinned her ears.

Inuyasha flattened his own and narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you pin your ears at me,” he murmured and when she stomped her hoof, he scowled but before he could do anything a small hand rose and coaxed the moody mare’s ears back into an upright position by lightly scratching the poll. Inuyasha blinked and eyed the woman with a look akin to astonished envy. He’d never been able to soothe the horse’s agitation like that before…

“I don’t know,” Kagome finally answered him and Inuyasha nodded, understanding her indecision.

“Alright,” he allowed, keeping his gaze on her though she kept hers focused on her hand as she stroked Rain’s neck. “It might be a good idea if you did,” he continued carefully. “Having the police on the lookout for the asshole can’t hurt, and it’d add an extra layer of protection, if you think about it. Not that you’d need it with me here, though.” He said the last part with a deliberate air of haughtiness just to get her to smile and he was relieved to see it worked.

Kagome’s lips twitched upward without her permission and she didn’t duck her head fast enough to hide it. “Of course,” she agreed and then finally lifted her head, her eyes silently telling him of her gratitude. Her smile was small, but genuine as she said, “You’re right. It’s a good idea, but…can it wait until tomorrow?” She bit her lip and looked so adorably hopeful that Inuyasha couldn’t possibly say no.

“Yeah,” he rumbled and glanced at the old analog clock on the barn wall. “Rin’ll be here soon anyway to feed this pain in the ass, and I need to finish putting together wood and some other minor chores.” He paused. “Will you be alright? Or would you prefer I stick around?”

Kagome deliberated, touched he’d actually put off getting things done just to make sure she wouldn’t be alone, but also not wanting to be the cause his work being delayed, so she shook her head. “I’ll be fine. I’d like to meet your niece, and besides, I can’t be a shut-in forever, you know?” She aimed a smile at him but his frown suggested he was still skeptical.

“Are you sure?” He lifted a clawed hand and very gently trailed his fingers along the bruised skin of her jaw, his meaning clear.

A blush stole across her cheeks at the tender touch and she cleared her throat, but didn’t pull away. Before she could stop herself she caught his hand and squeezed it gently, rich caramel-colored eyes connecting with deep amber. “Yes,” she breathed and this time her smile reached her eyes. “Thank you, Inuyasha. I…you really have no idea how much I appreciate you and all you’ve done for me. I don’t know how I’m ever going to pay you back.”

To her amazement, Inuyasha’s cheeks colored slightly and she had to resist the urge to giggle. “Keh. You don’t needa repay me. Just knowing you’re safe is enough for me.” Kagome’s eyes widened and realizing what he’d just admitted, Inuyasha mentally cursed, but didn’t take it back and carefully withdrew his hand from her grasp. “You got a phone?” he asked abruptly, hoping the sudden change of topic didn’t seem suspicious.

If Kagome thought it was suspicious, she didn’t comment and shook her head. “I left it at my—…well, with him because it was under his name and I didn’t want anything that belonged to him. Sorry.” She shuddered and then smiled when Rain nudged her shoulder with a soft nicker.

He nodded in understanding. “S’fine. Probably best you didn’t bring it anyway since he could track you with it. You said he’d been acting strange, right?” He shrugged. “Paranoia will do that. If he put something in your phone to keep tabs on you, it’s not something he’d want you finding out.”

Kagome blinked at his logic and frowned thoughtfully. “I…never thought of that,” she murmured and absently ran her hand down Rain’s nose when she nudged her again.

Instantly Inuyasha felt guilty and he grimaced. He’d been trying to avoid making her remember that awful night, and here he was, probably freaking her out by saying her ex had a potential way to track her down. “Dammit, I didn’t mean to—”

“No,” Kagome immediately interrupted him, shaking her head. “It’s okay. I’m glad you told me. I’m…getting better now dealing with what happened, and I can’t expect you to treat me with kid gloves all the time, you know? So thank you. I appreciate your honesty.” The smile she gave him that time was a glimpse of who she really was—sincere, grateful, and loving, and Inuyasha felt an answering warmth bloom in his chest.

He managed a crooked grin for her and nodded once. “If you need me, tell Jax to go find me. He’s smart.” He nodded to the dog.

Jaxson blinked at him, cocked his head, and then proceeded to start licking himself in embarrassing places right in front of them.

“…Most of the time,” Inuyasha said dryly while Kagome coughed to disguise a laugh.

Shaking his head, Inuyasha gave a parting word and then turned to go divide and put away the wood and then afterward find the section of fence Rain destroyed and repair it. Hopefully he wouldn’t need to replace any wood and a simple fix-it job of a hammer and nail would do.

He heard a gasp behind him and he didn’t need to look back to know she’d seen the exit wound on the back of shoulder from the bullet that pierced his flesh.

First he stashed the stump with the axe still embedded in it back into the averaged-sized shed where he kept his tools, the ATV, and a bunch of other miscellaneous crap he used for farm maintenance, most of which had been graciously provided by Sesshomaru since it was his damn animal – sort of – that required them. Afterward he fired up the four-wheeler and moved it along with the trailer of chopped wood behind the barn where he divided up the firewood into bundles using baling twine then stacked it neatly under the crude wooden awning he’d constructed himself. He had a good stash going now and made a mental note to call his folks tomorrow to set up a time to deliver it.

Satisfied, he unhooked the trailer to leave it there and out of the way then drove the ATV back to the shed, but parked it in front and not inside before cutting the engine and getting off. He glanced at the barn, checked the time on his phone, and decided it would probably be a good idea to put a shirt on before the bus arrived with Rin, even though nobody on it could see him anyway. A quick wash-down couldn’t hurt too, Inuyasha surmised as he took a discreet sniff of himself and his face scrunched up in disgust.

By the time he walked back out onto the porch with a clean shirt on and most of the dust and sweat washed off, Rin’s school bus was driving away down the road and he turned his gaze to the driveway just as the girl herself crested the incline at a light jog, school bag in hand and happy smile on her face. He was glad to see she’d changed into work clothes beforehand; Kagura hated when she got her nice school clothes dirty taking care of Rain.

She spotted him coming down the steps and she altered her direction to him instead of the barn. “Hi, Uncle Yash!” she greeted and came to a stop in front of him as he knelt down to her level. “How’s Rain doing?” She grinned at him and he grinned back.

“Being a pain in my ass, as usual,” he played along, giving her the same answer to the same question she asked every time she stopped by and her joyous laugh was melodic. “How’s school?” Besides Kagome, Rin was the only other person he ever made an effort with to not be his usual brash self around, and he really did enjoy listening to her tell him about her day. He oftentimes wondered how such a warm and happy child could come from someone as cold and stoic as his asshole brother.

“It was great! We’re working with clay in art class and I’m making a small statue of Rain! We get to shape it, then bake and color it and I can’t wait to show you when it’s done!” She jumped up in down in her excitement and Inuyasha couldn’t help but chuckle at her enthusiasm. She truly did love that horse with everything she had, and keeping the stubborn mare here was a small sacrifice if it meant seeing her this happy.

“Looking forward to it,” he genuinely replied and Rin beamed at him again before tossing her bag onto the porch step behind him.

“Is she in the barn or do I need to go get her?”

“The barn,” he responded but caught her arm when she made to leave. “Wait, Rin.” She looked back at him curiously and Inuyasha sighed. “There’s something I need to tell you first before you go in there.”

Rin’s delicate brows dipped slightly in confusion, but then her eyes widened and she looked stricken. “Is Rain—”

“She’s fine,” he cut her off and Rin relaxed, tilting her head inquisitively. Inuyasha chose his words carefully as he continued, “I have…a friend staying with me for a while and she’s in there with Rain right now. Don’t worry; she’s made fast friends with her. I think that damn horse likes her more than me.” He cocked a brow at his niece and she giggled at him.

“Listen.” Inuyasha gently grasped the girl’s small shoulders in his hands and the serious look on his face gave the eleven-year-old pause. “My friend…something bad happened to her the other night, and you’ll be able to tell when you look at her.”

Rin blinked and frowned again, looking puzzled. “What do you mean, Uncle Yash? Is she okay?”

Inuyasha grimaced. He’d been hoping he could avoid going into particulars, but he supposed if he wanted to prepare his niece for what she was about to see, he needed to be a little more specific.

A few minutes and a watered-down explanation later, Inuyasha watched Rin meander her way over to the barn with a slight frown, wondering when his niece had gotten so mature for her age. She’d taken the news as well as any eleven-year-old would, but he still wished someone as innocent and pure as she wouldn’t have to witness the results of something so vile as domestic violence. Still, he knew seeing Kagome with the evidence of assault on her face would be a shock, so he’d done his best to prepare her for that sight, as much as to protect Kagome from answering questions she didn’t want to.

And as much as he wanted to follow after the child and see for himself how things went, he knew his hovering presence would only be a nuisance and he needed to get started on that fence, anyway. So with a sigh, Inuyasha retrieved his tools from the shed, started up the four-wheeler and took off into the pasture through the open gate, his mind whirling with thoughts of his beautiful dark-haired guest, and the child that would hopefully make friends with her as she did everyone new she met.

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[hippopotatomus]

The farmers check out the hidden field beyond their useless barren fields. Dobby goes with them to check out Caplin’s cottage and embarrasses himself in a botched attempt to get over the vegetable garden fence.

The plot thickens, or in this case, the ephemeral plot floats like a mist in the distance. Here’s a link if you decide to start reading at the beginning. There’s a helpful chart below to give you a chance to sort out the rodents. Recommended snack: Baguette and watermelon. Soundtrack: Going Down the Road Feeling Bad

~~~~~~~~~~

Dobby’s crew investigates the hidden birdseed field and Caplin’s cottage.

It was a beautiful sunny morning, like all mornings in the principality. Charlie and Hamish trotted south on the farm road, stopping occasionally to bounce and tussle in a friendly brotherly fashion. Bond flitted behind as they squared down and butted heads and then landed on Hamish’s left horn when they settled back into a reasonable trot. Charlie looked at the tiny perched bird and caught his eye.

“I can’t decide whether or not to be angry. I have been trying to grow birdseed forever on our barren fields and some interloper has trespassed our land, cut down our forest, stolen our magic, and they are growing birdseed, which is hardly even available around here anymore. It seems so impossible that I’m not sure I have the story straight! That’s about it, though, isn’t it?”

“That’s what we know so far,” said Bond. “I can lead you to the field but other than that I haven’t a clue what to look for.”

“What we’ll be looking for is how they get the birdseed out. Unless they are eating it directly off the growing stalks, there has to be signs of a road or trucks or something. I’m thinking you can fly over and look for anything suspicious, something that doesn’t look natural. Hamish will check it out on the ground. He’ll look at the edges of the forest. He’s the fastest, plus he loves to run,” and at that, Hamish tossed his head and Bond went flying. “But I am the farmer. I’ll look at the crop, how mature it is, how healthy, how close to harvest time we are. So that’s the other thing, making sure we don’t run into any unsavory characters. Somebody is tending those fields. Come to think of it, if they haven’t harvested in a while, there won’t be much evidence of comings and goings. But you need to let us know if you see any workers or sentries.”

“Got it. We’re close enough that I could fly over and report back before you get there. It takes a lot longer by road.”

“Great! Do it!”

“When we get there, I’ll make a speedy reconnaissance run all around the edge of the field,” said Hamish. “Dobby said there’s a road in from this end and another at the far end. I’ll try to figure out how recently they’ve been used. I’ll be able to recognize the roadster tire tracks from a couple days ago. Nothing quite like that anywhere else around here.”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “It’s not exactly farm equipment, is it? I brought a couple sample bags for bird seed. I’m going to gather a bunch from this end. Dobby said it looked ready to harvest. Can you take this other bag with you and grab a sample from the far end of the field when you’re down there? And don’t eat it all!”

Hamish burped up a little cud, and then Charlie copied him and they chewed cud together as they walked down the dusty farm road. When they came to the forest shade and damp section of road, they dropped to the ground and continued chewing while they waited for the return of Bond.

Drowsy Hamish sprang to his feet as tiny Bond landed on his horn and began to babble.

“ . . . And there wasn’t much detail I could see from up above, you know. It’s totally deserted right now, not a soul there, unless they were deep in the forest, and that roadside part doesn’t have any depth, it’s only a skinny bit of woods to hide the fields from the road. So let’s go check out the closer road.”

The two sheep trotted along the shady road until they came to the larger paved road. They turned left onto it and crossed to the west field entry road when Bond circled above, directing them. The sheep, like Dobby, recognized the entry path to the old picnic area but were also surprised when it widened and the expansive field of birdseed came onto view.

“Hoo boy,” said Charlie. “This is not how I remember it. At all. How did they manage to cut and clear the forest without anyone noticing? Hmmm. We have fields just beyond the forest to our left, but they are the barren ones, and I haven’t been out there much. You know, I bet they did it gradually, and what I did notice was our fields going bad. Cutting the trees sucked all the magic out of our soil, but it was gradual until our fields basically died. But the magic is strong here, this birdseed crop is good, and Dobby is right: it’s almost ready to harvest. And there is a ton of it! This is easily as big as our biggest field. Ugh, that’s right! This is our field! Should I be planning to harvest it?”

Bond was on the ground, pecking around at the seeds as Charlie gathered seed heads into his sack. Hamish had sprinted to the far end of the field and was now too far away to see. Charlie turned his back to the field and looked down the road they had come in on. It was narrow where it met the large paved road, widened as it approached the field, and then split and formed an edge at the forest line on both sides, all the way down to where Hamish had gone. Charlie walked toward the big road and stopped. So did the road, that is, it didn’t continue across the road, it simply stopped at this side. Staring down the road, sniffing at the air, and looking at the forest across the way, he stomped and snorted.

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Wheat

Sorgum (Milo)

Millet

Sunflower

“That’s Caplin’s cottage over there,” said Charlie. “The driveway is down the road a ways, and past our farm road, obviously, but that’s his land over there. That’s why it’s forest and not desert like the Schist land next to it. I think I’d want a forest buffer, too, if it was mine.”

Bond flew over to investigate and then flew up and over the road. He circled over the cottage and came back just as Hamish returned.

“it’s been a while since I checked out Caplin’s cottage,” said Bond, “ but it looks about the same. Neat and tidy, driveway in good condition, little vegetable garden out back.”

“Little vegetable garden out back?” Said Charlie and Hamish, in unison. They looked at each other and frowned.

“Caplin wouldn’t know a potato from a peach. Plus, of course, he hasn’t been there in years, to hear him tell it. That’s just weird,” said Charlie. “How did the other end of the field look?”

“Not anywhere near as ready to harvest as this here. You’ll see when you look in my bag,” said Hamish. “The road at the other end is more like a foot path. It stops at the road like this one. It’s across from the Schist property driveway though, that’s kind of ominous. They have that bridge over the river there, but the land is so toxic that nothing grows, so you can see all the way in to their castle. I didn’t cross the street to look back at the path but the way it angles to the road, you probably can’t see it from the Schist entry or the road. The road dead ends just beyond, anyway, at one of Dobby’s little picnic areas. Nobody drives down there anyway.”

“How do King Clyde and Queen Bonnie get there, then? That’s the closest entrance to the Schist castle and they go there a lot, don’t they? That’s why they always come to Dobby’s palace the back way, up the farm road. She complains about that dust every time,” said Charlie. “Wouldn’t they have seen that little road across from the entry as they left?”

Hamish looked thoughtful. “I don’t think so. They aren’t terribly observant. She leaves the driving to the King, because she is too busy talking to drive. And he’s too busy driving, staring straight ahead and ignoring her with all his might. Unless that little road has flashing lights I didn’t notice, they are too oblivious to notice that kind of thing. Path in the woods, you know, nothing to see. They aren’t the type to get their shoes dirty.”

The two sheep took one last look around, pawed the ground a bit, butted horns and trotted back to report to Dobby. Bond flitted about overhead, muttering something about teatime and they kicked their hooves into high gear and raced each other all the way home.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was another sunny day in the principality. The overnight rain had cleaned the foliage and damped down the dust on the farm road. Even the barren fields looked promising with soil darkened to a rich, chocolatey brown by the sprinkling. Charlie and Hamish trotted ahead, eager to re-examine the fields and the paths leading into it. Dobby’s Segway barely kept up, loaded down as it was with supplies, or maybe it was his lunch. Moneypenny sat atop a baguette and looked thoughtful as Bond pecked at the crust between questions.

“I don’t really understand why we need to install surveillance out here if Caplin never uses the cottage anymore,” said Bond. “Can’t we wait until there is a reason to suspect something going on out there? Shouldn’t we wait to ask Caplin?”

“Caplin has been trying to unload the cottage onto the Prince for a long time, but Dobby insists that he keep at least one connection to the kingdom. Dobby feels obligated to look it over from time to time, or else Caplin might really sell it to someone out of the family. He’s perfectly justified in placing surveillance out there. We should have done it a long time ago, but a quick flyover was all that seemed necessary. A vegetable garden suddenly appearing is not particularly menacing, but it’s definitely weird.”

“Don’t disagree with that. I think the Prince wants to check on the fields again, figure out how the paths and roads tie together, but mostly look at Caplin’s cottage. He feels kind of bad about neglecting it, I don’t know why. Caplin doesn’t care. Maybe he just wants to raid the garden!”

The little flying squirrel and the budgie started giggling at the thought, puffing up their bellies and pretending to stuff their faces. Dobby turned his head in time to see Bond trying to eat a particularly large piece of crust and frowned.

“Are you eating my baguette?”

A few minutes later they were all staring at the distant roof of Caplin’s cottage from the illegal field. Bond flew that direction while the rest of them unpacked some of the lunch parcels from the little trailer Rodney had built for the Segway. The baguette had lost a fair amount of crust on the end that stuck out of the top, but the salad and fritters came out of the bottom of the picnic basket in good shape. Charlie and Hamish found a patch of grass to graze on and Moneypenny busied herself gleaning seeds from the field. The lunch in the basket was all intended for the Prince. Bond returned and joined Moneypenny, pecking at the seeds on the ground.

“On the way back this time, I noticed a small path nearer to where we are now. I don’t think we have to go all the way down to the driveway to check out the cottage. And if this path is new, it might be the best place to set out some surveillance cameras. We should put some at the driveway too, but that’s not an entrance anyone is going to try to sneak in on. Hey, Hamish! There seems to be a new path to check out. You should go through first and use your super tracking sense on it before anyone drives a Segway or something through there.” Bond looked around at the team. Charlie and Hamish had crumpled to the ground and were chewing cud. Moneypenny was stuffing a tiny bag with seeds and Prince Dobalob was through the fritters and halfway through a watermelon. Bond sighed and flew over to the picnic basket, landed on the handle, closed his eyes and enjoyed the sun.

~~~~~~~~~~

As the team sauntered down the road, Bond flitted ahead, looking for the path he had seen from above. Charlie engaged the Prince in idle chitchat regarding vegetable gardening as a distraction allowing Hamish to get a head start on reconnaissance. Suddenly, Bond the budgie hovered excitedly at the edge of the road and Hamish made an abrupt turn and disappeared. Dobby maneuvered the Segway toward them and Moneypenny, sitting on Dobby’s shoulder, stood tall to see ahead. Bond flew back to the Prince and sat on his opposite shoulder.

“Let’s wait here for them to check it out and call the all clear.”

“Hamish will be examining the edges of the path,” said Charlie. “From here I can’t see much. The path curves right away so I can’t see very far down it. Let’s wait for him to get back before we follow.” Charlie looked at the Prince, who was also straining to see around the curve. “Do you remember seeing this path before? It’s been ages since I came out here, but I don’t remember it. It’s kinda subtle, though, mostly just a trailhead and then it disappears. The understory is dense in this part of the forest. Probably some nice berry picking, though.”

There was a miniature galloping sound and Hamish sprinted back to them. He snorted and scratched the ground before he started to talk. “The path is narrow but well used. It meanders through the forest and then opens up at a clearing near the cottage and a couple out-buildings, a garage or something. The interesting thing is that there is a bit of birdseed here and there along the edge. Charlie would have to back me up on this, but there also seems to be some grass- sprouted bird seed- along the edges. There’s enough stray birdseed around here that it’s had time to grow. It’s not as mature as the fields, though. And not surprisingly there are a lot of bird footprints, great big ones, so the birdseed bonanza has been discovered.”

At this, the little budgie looked down at his own tiny toes and grinned. “Innocent!”

The prince was listening carefully and look confused. “Out-buildings? I don’t remember this path, at all. Shall we check it out? You ready for us to come through, Hamish?” And without waiting for an answer, he Segwayed forward and turned down the path as the team scattered out of the way. Dust flew, obliterating any footprints or extraneous clues, and he switch backed through the woods as Moneypenny hung on for dear life. Charlie and Hamish turned their back to the dust and muttered to each other while Bond pulled a tiny dust mask out of somewhere and adjusted it around his beak and nose. Soon they heard a voice in the distance, calling to Bond.

“You’re not kidding! This is a nifty vegetable garden!” The Prince had Segwayed across the yard and was halfway across a white picket fence that encircled a fairytale vegetable garden. Furrowed rows with greenery of every size and shape, corn stalks, beans growing up bamboo teepees, peas growing up trellises, it was the prettiest vegetable garden you could possibly imagine. Except for the now flailing capybara, probably not exactly impaled on the pickets, but struggling mightily to go forward, or maybe backwards, it was hard to tell. Charlie and Hamish casually strolled to the gate just a bit beyond the portly Prince, released the latch, and walked in. Bond landed on the princely tuchis and spun a little circle. “What are you doing, Dobs?”

Charlie went straight down each row, admiring the little dream garden, afraid to touch any of the perfect plants. Meanwhile, Hamish walked over to the wriggling and sputtering Prince, positioned his head under Dobby’s chest, and gently lifted him off the fence onto the ground outside the garden. Hamish deftly hopped over the fence, possibly exaggerating the jump for demonstration purposes, and waited for the Prince to gather his composure. Silently, they walked along the fence until they came to the fancy little arbored gate. Hamish opened it with a little kick of his hoof and then with a flourish, swung the gate open. The Prince lumbered in, went right past the kale, and started munching his way down a row of romaine lettuce.

To be continued . . .

~~~~~~~~~~

The usual Cast of Characters:

~~~~~~~~~~

This story needs a lot more illustrations! Select an event from this story (how about a parakeet on a baguette?), draw a picture of it, and send me an email. I’ll reply so that you can attach a digital copy of your masterpiece to it. I’ll add it to the story!

Or, if you’d rather help with the glossary, send me the list of words you had to look up (or should have looked up, but didn’t!). Someday, I will start putting together the glossary. Do know what baguette looks like?

[contact-form] Charlie & Hamish investigete the hidden field of birdseed and Dobby gets hung up on a picket fence at Caplin's Cottage. The farmers check out the hidden field beyond their useless barren fields. Dobby goes with them to check out Caplin's cottage and embarrasses himself in a botched attempt to get over the vegetable garden fence.

[quell-tea-salon]

Yumeiro Cast Dream Show 2017 event report!

In my short time in Japan I’ve attended quite a few concerts and seiyuu events, and this concert is honestly one of the best that I’ve experienced. I know this blog is mostly for QUELL, but I don’t have anywhere else to share this from... Feel free to scroll past if this isn’t for you.

I’ll also be rambling a lot about Hatanaka Tasuku and Hayashi Yuu ;w;

I recall regretting applying for tickets at some point, because having to travel from Kyoto to Tokyo (or rather, Chiba, since the venue was Makuhari Messe) just for the concert was a huge pain, and very expensive. Boy, am I glad I did though. To begin with, getting tickets to ANY popular event is a tough process. You have to enter a draw to have a shot at getting a ticket, and if you miss out on that, you’ll have to buy the tickets when they go on sale later, and they usually sell out in under ten seconds. I’m not kidding. I’ve experienced this pain. On multiple occasions. Anyway, the first draw was opened to players only (the URL link was a banner in the game’s home screen), which is a really nice gesture. I managed to get a ticket in this draw :)

I arrived at the venue about 30 minutes before the show and bypassed the merchandise corner, as the queue looked scary and I didn’t have much time. Jumped in the queue to take a photograph of the standees (pictured above; and yes, there was a queue for this too), which took about 15 minutes, and then rushed over to join a queue for one of the bathrooms (all of them had long queues /pukes blood). I started chatting with a lady in a cute dress in line behind me and found out that we both have Kaito as our fav (plus Subaru for me). She was happy to find another Kaito fan and whipped out a couple of beautifully packaged small prints from her bag and handed them to me *_* Turns out she’s an artists and draws a lot of Kaito!! I was so surprised but flattered and felt bad about not having anything on hand to give her in return... I just gave her the kiwi bird badge from my backpack that I picked up while traveling in New Zealand, sweats...

Minutes till starting time and we were still caught in the queue, though getting very close to the bathroom. We debated giving up and leaving to find our seats so we wouldn’t miss the opening act, but decided to stay since having to leave halfway through the show for the bathroom would be worse. A few minutes later we heard screams coming from the arena and thought that the show had started, but the girl behind us assured us that they were just playing some promotional videos on the big screen and that nothing was happening on stage. We passed the message on to the group of girls in front of us as we heard them fretting about the same thing. Community spirit!

I parted ways with my new friend after leaving the bathroom and went to find my seat; inside the arena the lights had already been dimmed and clearly something was about to start. I was still stumbling around in the dark when all seven members of Yumeiro Company burst onto stage to the tune of CALL HEAVEN!! and by the time I found my spot they were probably halfway through the song;;;;

My seat was on the third floor, but quite close to the left side of the stage, so in a way it was a good spot as I could just barely make out the faces of the performers standing on my side of the stage. Their formation, from right to left: Subaru, Kaito, Sousei, Kyouya, Hinata, Iori, and Jin. I was still shaky from scrambling to find my seat and honestly don’t remember much, but I know that they were all dressed sharply in formal suits, and that the chorus had a dance routine that was fun and cheerful, fitting of a musical show. As we all know, the cast of YumeCast has a lot of strong singers, so I could relax and appreciate the vocals. I managed to find my pen light too and was ready to finally join the party :3

After the opening act I thought they would break for an introductory talk, but they launched straight into the next song. Everyone except Kyoya left the stage as the intro for Kyoya’s solo, Kimi ni Chikatta Monogatari started playing, and we all scrambled to change our pen lights to pink. Tbh I think Ohsaka Ryota’s one of the less experienced singers in the group, but I was pleasantly surprised by his solid performance. He definitely leveled up a lot since the start of YumeCast, and each of his graceful, princely gestures was very much Kyoya.

Hinata jumped onto stage next to perform Glass no Shoes ha Niawanai (I should mention that these solos were game-sized length and played back to back like a medley). We all melted at how cute he was, and he even slipped in a few lines directed at “oneesan! ;)” *Audience screams and dies* Uemura Yuuto’s usually a good singer but he went off-pitch a few times, probably due to nerves...

Iori was next with Tsumetai Yozora wo Terasu no ha. This is the third time I’ve seen Hanae Natsuki live, and you can tell he’s a seasoned performer by how comfortable he is on stage, and how his vocals are always clear and steady. His lines as Iori made a lot of people in the audience scream, but honestly whenever I see Hanae his joker character is all I register and I couldn’t really appreciate Iori LOL.

Kaito appeared on stage, rocking along to PASSION LASER BEAM, and this is where I died. Hayashi Yuu is phenomenal to watch live, he’s arguably one of the best singers of the group and is amazing at working the crowd, which isn’t surprising considering he’s the vocalist of Screen Mode. Hayashu brought a living, breathing Kaito onto stage in all his haughty glory T_____T It’s my dream to one day catch Screen Mode live as well...

Jin’s Kokoro no (ry was up next. I have to admit that I’m not a fan of Jin’s singing, I think it forces Ono Yuuki to fake a lower register which stifles his singing and it sounds unnatural, which is a shame when Onoyuu has such a lovely smooth voice. Onoyuu kept his fooling around to a minimum at this point, but he couldn’t stop his sunny trademark grin ww

SUBARU! WITH BACKDANCERS!!! Performing You & Me... de, Wave!!! If I had to pick a fav moment in the show, this would be it. Hatanaka Tasuku is SUCH a skilled singer, there’s so much energy in his voice, and his solo even included an intense dance routine which was amazing to watch. This is my fav solo charasong from YumeCast and Subaru completely smashed it... I’m buying the DVD later so I can watch it again ;____; I was so blown-away by the performance that I didn’t even notice what he was wearing >< I also noticed that one of the security staff near my block, who, up till then, was doing a good job of checking on the audience, couldn’t help but look at the stage once Subaru started singing. He watched up till the 2nd chorus lol before turning back to his job.

[OOT: This is my second time meeting Tasuku and each time I see him I feel like a proud mother watching her son grow by leaps and bounds >< The first time I met him was at the 5th fan meeting for Nariyuki Night, hosted by Tasuku and Yonaga Tsubasa. It was a small, cosy event of maybe 200 people, and it blew my mind that we got to see them at such a close distance. The coolest part was that they implemented a bunch of interactive activities to get the audience involved, one of which was a game where they had to guess an item based on clues shown on screen and borrow it from the audience.... Which meant that they had to run up and down the aisles of the seats, and at one point Yonaga grabbed a girl’s hand and escorted her down to the stage *_* Tasuku came by my seat and stopped to think about clues, so I literally had him standing next to me for like half a minute ahjghadllkjad. Also they were dressed in school uniform as one of the many suggestions for the “summer theme”; Yonaga in a beige vest, short sleeves, and colourful hairclips in his hair (he really looked like Nagisa from Free!), and Tasuku with a loose red tie and long shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Cute af. Prior to that I’d only seen Tasuku on livestreams and heard him on radio, and I’m glad to report that he’s every bit as earnest and clumsy in person as he is on air, like an awkward oversized puppy still learning how to walk but excited for someone to throw him a ball ;w;]

The last solo was Sousei’s Dare mo ga Ashi(ry. I was looking forward to this as I’ve been a fan of Toyonaga Toshiyuki since his Tenimyu days, and I love his singing voice. He wasn’t as smooth as in the recorded version, but still a delight to hear live.

Without giving us time to catch our breath, the show moved on to the next song. Hinata appeared on stage in a dark suit and a cape, accompanied by dancers dressed in ghoulish outfits. It was Mysterious Mission! This was a super fun song with a cute zombie dance, and at one point Hinata was hoisted up onto the shoulders of the backdancers in a sort of ALL HAIL YOUR CUTE MONSTER LORD routine. An oh, all the songs from this point on were performed in full :3

Next, Subaru and Jin appeared in santa outfits for Holy Melody Night. This is probably one of my least favourite songs in YumeCast, imo it’s the wrong key for both singers and doesn’t really showcase their voices. They were both so cute on stage though! Running from one end of the stage to the other and waving at us with huge smiles. The concert hall was enveloped in a warm, sparkly atmosphere ;w;

Next was the moment I had been waiting for - Kaito’s Kamigami no Senen (still not sure about the reading for the last 2 kanji tbh). I was hoping that this song would be included in the set list T_______T Kaito caused a stir when he appeared on the stage at the back of the arena, which I wasn’t even aware of. Dressed in graceful white robes and enveloped in mist, he was so beautiful to watch, I forgot to breathe... This song is a Big Deal for me because it’s an unseen side of both Kaito and Hayashu; before Kamigami neither have ever performed with such delicate vocals afaik. Even Screen Mode’s ballads have a completely different feel. When the song ended, the audience quietly broke into applause, instead of the cheering or screaming that happened with other songs...

Kyoya appeared back on the main stage with Sand Mirage, dressed in an Arabian Nights-esque costume and matching dancers. I’m very fond of this song, it’s so catchy and seems to fit Kyoya’s vocal range the most! And it definitely showed off his singing skills. Beautiful vibrato on the notes at the end of the chorus ;3;

Sousei and Iori gracefully descended upon the second stage in butler outfits. The yandere Tapestry song! They started off with a short skit, probably lines from the musical, and when Hanae fumbled one of his lines Tosshi teased him about it ww This is one of my favourite duets but sadly the vocals were rather shaky, with both singing off-key at many instances. A+ for the skit, the bedroom lines directed at “ojousama”, and Sousei’s psychotic laugh at the end.

I should love Final Approach since it features my two favs Subaru and Kaito, but unfortunately it’s one of the most boring songs for me... It didn’t stop me from appreciating the singing though. And the beautiful harmonies in the chorus. And the two boys in pilot outfits. And the high-five halfway through the song!! This was also the moment I understood the reason why some people bring two or more pen lights as I couldn’t decide whose colour to use...

Jin and Kyoya rose up from platforms under the stage in shinsengumi robes for Hi ha Noboru(ry. The katanas holstered on their hips were drawn for a fight scene vs the back dancers! The stage was bathed in violet and blue to match the moody atmosphere.

Then Iori and Kaito hopped onto stage and we all bobbed along to Sekai ha Koi to SWEETS! AND! KISS! *waves pen light frantically* This is such a cute song and both Iori and Kaito were super cute, throwing saccharine lines at the audience and getting everyone to join in the fun ;w; Iirc both of them even threw us some flying kisses....

Next, Stronger Than Medicine with Hina and Sousei. In white doctor’s coats and supported by a big group of dancers, Hina played the experienced head doctor while Sousei tagged along like a clueless junior lol. Parts of the dance were very cute and funny for comedic effect, and though for the most part it wasn’t an intense dance routine Tosshi still managed to show off his dancer background >< I kinda wished that we got to see him dance in a more high-tempo song, but Sousei gets all the ballads...

Around this time I noticed that a group of staff were busy setting up some sort of elevated platform-trolley thing at the end of the corridor between the 2nd and 3rd floor; I’d seen something similar happen at the Yuri on Stage event and my heartbeat jumped as I guessed what would happen next...

When the lights turned back on, the rest of the crew had joined Hina and Sousei on stage, and everyone was in their blue and white sailor outifts for Sunshine World Tour! This was the FIRST break in the show, can you believe it? The cast FINALLY introduced themselves (still in-character), and then Sousei announced that the show was about to come to and end, which came as a surprise because it honestly didn’t feel like the show started that long ago, even though we had actually sat through a LOT of songs. The audience began to whine “Ehhhhhhh?” Then the music for Sunshine World Tour started and the cast split into 2 groups, making the audience scream when they headed into the crowd, climbed up the stairs to the 3rd floor, and boarded one of the two trolleys on either end of the corridor. The audience went crazy when they realised what was happening! On the trolley that started from my end of the hall were Kyoya, Jin-san, and Hina, singing and waving enthusiastically at the audience as they traveled around the U-shaped concert hall. I couldn’t believe my eyes when they passed right in front of me... From my seat in the 2nd row they were SO CLOSE, and even at eye level! I honestly could’ve hi-fived them if I stretched out my arm. When the 2nd trolley came by I had my pen light set to orange and hoped Kaito would wave at me, but he was busy engaging the upper floors. Iori met my eyes though and gave me the sweetest smile ;w; They were meant to sing Sunshine World Tour, but very little singing was done as everyone was busy greeting and waving at the audience wwwwwwww It was a real treat for everyone on the 2nd and 3rd floors...

After the trolleys reached the opposite ends of the hall, the cast made their way back to the main stage and we were asked to sing along to the the chorus for a while as lyrics popped up on the screen :D After the song ended, the cast said their thanks and waved goodbye before disappearing backstage. The lights dimmed again and the audience began to chant “Encore~! Encore~!”

We were probably in the dark for about 5 minutes before the cast came back onto stage, dressed in Dream Show 2017 t-shirts. The cast could finally introduce themselves lol. “We can finally speak! As ourselves!!” “It is okay? Can I really start talking? OKAY I’M DOING IT :DDD” Onoyu let loose and chaos descended upon the stage wwwwww There was no outline for this talk segment so they pretty much did whatever they wanted www

What I can recall, in dot points:

Thanked us for all the love and support which allowed YumeCast to reach it’s 2nd anniversary

Ohsaka was super nervous as it’s his first concert, and Tosshi said that he kept muttering “I’m so nervous” up till the moment before their first appearance on stage, yet once he stepped onto stage he slipped right into character and looked so calm and confident

Tosshi and Onoyu admitted that they sing with their faces (their facial expressions are “noisy”)

Tosshi praised Ohsaka for bringing the rowdy team together like a real Kyoya, and Ohsaka lamented the fact that nobody listens to him while the rest of the team surrounded him and danced and hooted like gorillas www

Tosshi thanked the crew and staff for all their hard work behind the scenes, from dance choreography to costumes. Staff were always on standby backstage, ready to help them change into their next outfits, and as he watched the staff work frantically to keep the show running he truly felt like he was part of a real life Yumeiro Company troupe.

Up till the last rehearsal, Hayashu got one of the hand gestures for CALL HEAVEN!! wrong (he made a fox shape instead of a “W” for “welcome”)

Tasuku and Yuuto put in a lot of practice for their dances. Yuuto practiced his zombie shuffle even while out walking in public and got stared at. “My favourite part of the dance is when they lift me up! :D”

Hanae said it was unfair that Hinata could capture everyone’s hearts just with his “Onee~san♥”, so someone suggested everyone do their own version of “oneesan“ and put them to a vote.

Tasuku was up first... and promptly tripped over his first line, in typical Tasuku fashion wwwww I love him, he’s so clumsy and uncoordinated ;3; They gave him a second chance and this time he said something along the lines of “Thank you for your support this past two years!” and ended on a very cute and energetic “oneesan!!!!” Ughhh PUPPYYYYY

Kaito’s embarrassed tsundere “O.. onee...san...”

Sousei’s calm, somewhat sly “Oneesan :)”

The audience cracked up at Kyoya’s “Oneesan, jiken desu.” (Oneesan, there’s been an accident.) I had to look this up but it’s apparently a famous line from an old TV drama called HOTEL, lol

Kyoya’s take 2. A heartfelt message to all the scriptwriters in the audience, followed by the sweetest “...oneesan”.

Hanae did a skit where Iori was surprised but ecstatic about receiving a present from the MC in the form of a limited edition shoebill merch. “Thank you, oneesan!!”

Zun-san..... was Zun-san. “How about we spend the night together? My one and only oneesan♥”

Finally, the last boss. Hinata started to speak in that saccharine-sweet voice, “Boku,” and already half of the audience were screaming from that first word... “I’ll keep on working hard, so keep your eyes on me, okay? Oneesan♥“ *dying whale sounds from audience*

“Why did we even have this competition, we already knew who the winner would be.”

“You had them at “Boku”...”

Tosshi pointed out that they shouldn’t leave out the handful of guys in the audience, so everyone banded together and yelled “Thank you, oniisan!” and the guys responded with “Yeaaaaaaah!!!” haha

Farewell messages, final thoughts, and thank you’s

Ohsaka admitted that in his first year of playing Kyoya he had regrets about accepting the role, but after some time he found ways to connect with Kyoya and he’s very happy to be part of YumeCast. (I had a feeling that he wasn’t enjoying himself when I watched him on YumeCast livestream... turns out my hunch was correct :0 I’m glad that he’s found his place now!)

Next they showed a video announcing upcoming projects (live action musicals, new CD’s, drama CD’s) and the release of the DVD/BD of Dream Show 2017. Everyone else perched on the staircase to watch the video but Tasuku made himself small and sat on the floor with his knees folded primly. Smol puppy....

Lastly, the crew performed NEVER END STORIES as confetti cannons shot glitter over the arena. Then the dancers joined the cast on stage for the final farewell. Everyone took their turn bowing and saying thanks. Kyoya was last to leave the stage, and he lingered for a few moments to thank the audience. Sousei, who was near Kyoya, came up to him and said “Kyoya, let’s go :)” and Kyoya nodded before retreating from the stage. *Audience dies again*

After the show, I remember feeling so happy and satisfied. Of course, every event I’ve attended has been fun, but none of them made me feel as loved and appreciated as YumeCast Dream Show 2017. They knew what we wanted, and they delivered. I rate it 10/10 for being jam-packed with content (honestly, nobody expected them to perform this many songs), and it was very impressive that every song had its own set of costumes and choreography. It really felt like watching a musical show. The concert felt like it ended too soon because everything moved so quickly, but it had actually run for just over 2 hours. I do wish that they had given the cast more talk time, but i guess that was sacrificed to make space for more songs. I can live with that.

I’ve been playing YumeCast for almost a year now and have considered quitting several times since the gameplay gets pretty repetitive after a while (plus new games coming into my life), but after this concert I have fallen in love all over again and will continue to support YumeCast ;3; Honestly, just from watching the monthly livestreams you can tell how hard they try to keep us happy.

[narika-a]

All I Need Now Is Her

|||Requested by anon, based on this reaction |||

Kim Jongin (Kai) x Reader

Summary: After getting into the police academy, getting on a troublesome gang member’s radar was not on your to do list.

Genre: Mafia AU

Word Count: 1,031

Jongin’s POV

I was walking pretty fast but this girl has been following me for at least 15 minutes. What is she doing in this part of town anyway? I stopped and turned around. She seemed startled but still kept her stance. I looked at her with the deadliest glare I could muster.

“What do you want?” I finally asked.

“What do you want?” she retorted. “I’m just walking by.”

“Really? Here? In the middle of the night? In this part of the city?” I mocked her.

“It’s none of your business. I live here,” she said, brushing past me. I grabbed her by the arm.

���Were you following me?” I straight up asked her.

“Who would want to follow a creep like you,” she said, freeing herself. She hurried down the street, glancing at me every so often. I probably scared her too much. It still seemed somehow unnatural to me that we met here at this hour, so it was my turn to go after her. I took the same corner she did and watched her go inside one of the buildings. It was abandoned though and suspiciously close to our base. I went inside and looked around, I couldn’t see her anywhere. Maybe she just used this house to get around me? I noticed something on the floor and picked it up. It was a student ID card. Am I becoming paranoid or did she leave this here on purpose?  I took out my phone and called Junmyeon, just in case.

“What?” he asked as soon as he picked up. He seemed irritated.

“Do you know a girl that goes by Y/N Y/L/N?”

“Never heard of her,” he said, ordering someone around off phone. “Why?”

“I saw her sneaking around,” some loud shots could be heard, followed by more of his shouting. “Where are you?” I asked.

“We ran into some trouble. Can’t talk.”

“Do you need help?” I was about to ask but he already hung up. Guess I will have to look into her myself.

Your POV

You were standing near your dorm, searching through your bag for the third time but by now you were sure you lost it again, at a place like that no less. You were happy you even managed to get into this squad but if you keep losing your stuff, you will never get to go on patrols again. Your roommate can’t find out about this but breaking into police academy dorms is also not a very clever option. You looked at your clock, it was almost morning anyway, the café half an hour walk away works all night, you should wait there. Thank god you at least managed to get rid of that guy, you had to take the long walk home, thinking he might jump out of the shadows any second. You ordered a coffee and sat down in one of the corner tables. You had to come up with a new lie to tell your roommate. You were sipping your drink slowly, spacing out a bit when somebody else walked in. You almost spit your coffee out when you saw that it’s the same man from before. You had to hide. You quickly took the menu and opened it, so he wouldn’t see your face. The man came up to the counter.

“Have you seen this girl?” he asked, giving the barista your ID card. The girl looked at you but you shook your head.

“Please, don’t sell me out,” you thought when somebody lowered the menu from your face.

“Hello beautiful,” the man said. “Fancy meeting you here. I need you to come with me,” he lifted you up by the arm and took you outside. Still holding on to you, he started walking.

“No need to panic. Yet. I just want to talk.”

“Then let’s talk here,” you said, shoving his hand away.  You wanted to take your taser out but remembered you’re not even wearing your uniform.

“I believe this is yours,” he smirked, handing you your card. “Miss Police Officer.”

“Y/N!” somebody shouted, probably saving you from whatever that man was about to do. You turned around. Great. It was your roommate. His eyes widened when he saw who you’re talking to and he took his gun out.

“Whoa whoa, I mean not trouble. As always,” the man laughed.

“Yeah right,” Sehun hissed. “You’re lucky I can’t shoot you here.”

“So scary,” he scoffed and turned to you. “I hope you weren’t lying that time because if you were…”

“So what if I was?” you asked. “You think I’m afraid of you?”

“Not yet,” he laughed. “See you later Sehunie.”

“Jongin!” Sehun shouted but the man just waved you goodbye and turned around and went to one of the cars parked nearby. You watched him disappear down the street. Only then did Sehun put his gun away.

“What are you doing, talking with the likes of him?” he asked you.

“I don’t even know him. I met him by accident,” you tried to explain yourself.

“Don’t even know him? Did nobody tell you about the gang that has been causing trouble around the city? I have no idea how we never managed to get enough evidence to arrest them.”

“I have heard of them, so what?”

“He’s one of them.”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Jongin’s POV

I got inside my car, barely able to control my excitement. Finding out who she is was so easy but if she’s associated with Sehun and his group this will be even more fun. Even if meeting her was an accident, even if she wasn’t following me, this could be a great pretext to interrogate her for information they have on us. She tried looking tough but she would break eventually, everyone does. I just have to wait for others to come back from their mission. I wonder how close she and Sehun are though. If I could get him angry again maybe he would show me what he’s capable of. The thought of seeing him fight or even better fighting him myself made me extremely happy. All I need now is the girl.

[elevenhoursinfront-blog]

7th December 2017

We were up at the crack of dawn, which is quite literally around 0500.

The sun was so hot already we were sweating like we'd done a marathon. We both thought that a shower wouldn't go a miss but it wasn't an option. I didn't want to make the family feel awkward either, let alone myself.

We sat in the sun eating our breakfast. Suddenly the chickens woke up. We didn't know that we were sleeping close by to a chicken home but we quickly found out. They were so loud and there must've been loads of then. It was obviously their breakfast time and they were 'patiently' waiting!

A woman walked down towards us and the chickens, she went over to feed them to shut them up, or so that's what I would do. She came over to us and introduced herself as Helen. It was strange as we never saw her last night and she was middle aged woman. We thought the lady laying on the sofa was Helen. We got that wrong. It must've been her mother.

Helen said that we were welcome to stay as long as we liked, we didn't have a check out time or anything. She was actually very lovely and made us feel a load better about being in her property. If only we met her last night, we may not have had to wee on her grass. We even went in the middle of the night too... Sorry Helen.

She told us about a beautiful hike up the mountain near by that we would probably love to do. We said we'd give it a go and that we would be leaving soon to do so. It was only 0800 and I needed to put sun cream on. She advised doing the hike before it got too hot.

We got ourselves up and dressed (in the van). We left pretty pronto but we weren't going to do the hike. It was far too hot already, plus it would eat into one of our days in Brisbane City!  

We had an hours drive and we needed to check into a new holiday park. First thing on the agenda: SHOWER.

I done the driving into Brisbane which wasn't too bad. We're both nervous when it comes to driving in Australian cities because they're strange. They have hook turns and odd lanes that disappear into thin air. Sometimes you can turn right when there's no traffic lights but sometimes there are! It's all very up in the air. We don't understand it.

We pulled up at our new caravan park – Ashgrove, around 1030. The lady behind the counter was wearing a 'Hippie' T-Shirt which was the brand of our camper van. She checked us in and we were on our way. She explained how best to get into the city, which is by bus. She helped with what bus we would need and circled out the things to see on  a map.

We parked in our spot and pretty much ran to the showers. If we were in a cartoon programme, you would see green lines all around us. We stank. I guess that's the life of camper van.

We were ready to face the day by 1130. We locked the van up and left for the city centre! Steve and I have not been in a big city since Melbourne so we were so excited to be in civilisation again.

We walked the 10 minutes to the bus stop. A few busses came by but not the one we needed. We probably could've jumped on, but we were going with what the lady said at the desk. We needed the 425 which turned up shortly after. We both bought a zone 1 ticket for $4.60 each (day light robbery). It was 5 stops.

We were shocked at how much Brisbane loves their bus transport. They basically have an under ground world that runs just for them. It was so strange. The majority of bus stations were underground, too. We were baffled. It was just a bus but we daren't say that out loud, Brisbane people may find that offensive.

We got off the bus at Southbank. This is where the majority of 'stuff' is. We walked across a bridge and it showed fabulous views of the city. I just love the skyscrapers. I took some photos and we continued walking.

We came across The Wheel of Brisbane. We decided to go on it as I have never been on the London Eye before. We would get great views of the city too. I was like a child. The tickets were $20 each which I thought was a bit expensive so I checked out Groupon, as I do. As if by magic, there they were. Tickets for two people - $23. What a bargain! We're getting one adult for free, almost. We had loads of money on our Groupon account (thank you Steve) so we just bought them with one click.

We got onto the wheel straight away, there was no queue.

It had such amazing views. Steve said that the London Eye goes so much slower and that it takes about 45 minutes to get the whole way around. This one went round in about 3 minutes and we kept going for 12 minutes. The staff give you a map with numbers and places marked on it. There's a speaker inside which tells you about each place and you can spot it as you go around. Quite informative really. A good job we went on it first. We were able to see where we were headed next.

After the inner child in me was over the wheel, we walked down the jungle like board walk towards the lagoon. Mel lived in Brisbane for the last month or so of her trip. She arrived home in the UK two days. She said that Brisbane was her favourite city and Mel loved Melbourne. We talk every day still and she text me to say, “How long do I leave it before I see you when you're home? One day?”. She makes me laugh so much. Is it weird to click with someone so well, in the first time of meeting them? I know we'll be great friends for a very long time.

Anyway, back to Brisbane.

The lagoon was really nice, better than Cairns. It wasn't better than Airlie beaches lagoon but I don't think anywhere in Australia will have a better lagoon than Airlie.

The lagoon was made up of two sides – pool water and 'sea' water. I'm not sure whether it was salt water but it had sand all around the edge and as the floor. Steve and I are going to spend the day here tomorrow and we pick the pool side, he hates getting sand everywhere.

We walked around the area of Southbank and loved every minute of it. We found a cash point for the first time in 5 months for our banks so we got money out. Australia charges you if you don't get money out of your own banks hole in the wall. They love to charge you for everything here!

After walking about, we decided to go over to North Quay. This is where all the big buildings are and most importantly, the shopping! We had to get a ferry over which was brilliant. They had a ferry system to take you up and down the river so that you can get to different parts of the city. You can walk and get the bus but it's fairly large and why wouldn't you just jump on the ferry?! 

We could get the ferry because it's included in our bus ticket, but we couldn't be outside of our two hour time frame. The tickets expire which is weird.

We had no idea what ferry we were getting on but we went for the first one to turn up. Luckily, we were right. North Quay was the first stop so we were on and off within moments. 

We walked off the ferry and up two flights of stairs (I picked these over the lift and Steve was horrified). We were in the CBD (Central Business District). We've spent many months in the middle of these so we felt right at home. It was a lot worse mind you, being Christmas time. It was lunch time too and no Australian has home cooked lunches at work. They all literally go out for fast food. There's food courts in every street on every corner so why wouldn't you? I would get HUGE if I lived here in the CBD. When I worked at Momentum in Melbourne, Lena always went out to get food. On a few occasions, but not many, she managed to persuade me to come out. Persuade isn't the right word though, I love food so it was an easy decision.

We stopped in the middle of Queen Street. The local police force had a Christmas Concert going on and I was loving it. They had a band playing, mostly bagpipes and they had people dressed up. There were stalls all around with Crime Prevention stuff to take/sell. It was great. It made me miss work though. We watched them for a while, clapping and laughing along before Steve's stomach got the best of him. He was suddenly starving. Actually starving this time though. I know he's mentioned starvation before, but this time, he really means it.

We walked around trying to find somewhere to eat. We weren't short of anything – we had too many choices! I didn't really want to eat out because I'm so focused on saving money but we were both hungry and we didn't bring lunch.

We eventually found somewhere, had lunch and then we were on the move again.

We were in and out of shops, which was stupid really. We're both DESPERATE and I literally mean desperate to buy stuff for ourselves. We hate our clothes and with every right too. They're all stained and mouldy now. We've not really been able to go out and buy anything for ourselves for a whole year which is horrible to think about. We tortured ourselves and went into our favourite shop... Zara.

We said that we would save up for a year or so and then go on a mega shopping spree, just on ourselves. I need to lose weight before I shop for myself so it'll be another year before I can spoil myself but it'll be worth it. Steve wants to get straight back into football so he'll be losing weight too. I literally cannot tell you how bad we want to shop though. We're finding shops and things that we don't normally get and finding excuses as to why we need it! We're delusional.

We went into the big Myer centre to look for our cards. The Myer centre is like a Lakeside along the city street. Half is designer and half is your normal stores. We had been looking all day but we came across a toy shop and kept our fingers crossed. We went inside and found the card section... No Backpacker. We were so sad. If it wasn’t going to be here, in a city, it wasn’t going to be in Australia. We did, however, find Uno for $9.99 which is the cheapest we’ve seen it so far. We bought it and got over the fact that we would have to wait until we were home to find our beloved card game. 

The guy on the counter said to try a different shop on level two. It was a store for card games, mind games and board games. There’s no harm in trying. We travelled to the store and went inside. It was packed. People must’ve been doing Christmas shopping on their work breaks! I saw Steve jump and I turned to look at him - WE FOUND IT!!!! It was being sold for $25 but we had to get it. We loved it so much when we played it at Fraser Island. We were both in utter shock. I’d never pay $25 for a pack of cards but these are fun. 

(I’m bragging about these cards and when everyone at home plays them, you’re going to think we’re weirdos). 

We went to celebrate and get a pint. Steve took us up to a very, VERY, posh roof top bar with a pool. As soon as we walked in, I told him no. We got the lift back down and searched for a pub. I wasn’t dressed for a posh bar let alone did we have the money for it. There were loads of corporate people there and I just felt awkward in my flip flops. 

We found an Irish pub and enjoyed a jug of beer. Cheers! We had a game of cards and left to go home. We were so tired after being woke up with the sun. We enjoyed sitting there, as the sun was setting, cooking dinner. We are absolutely loving van life! We played numerous games of Backpacker before we watched an episode of I'm A Celebrity on the data which we probably shouldn't have. We then went to bed. 

We couldn’t stop saying “I can’t believe we found it!”.