#because even though I have a deadline for this.... if I don't do it nobody but me will really care

[girlscience]

Well, I went from 970 words to 1203 words and the order is better and a lot of editing was done (went up to ~1500 words for a bit and edited back down), but wow I can't focus for shit. This paper is still definitely not the quality it needs to be and for trying to work on it for about 9 hours today and only ending up here, I am honestly super disappointed with myself. I have never been the fastest writer, but this is abysmal. I will not make it through grad school if I can't write papers.

[robsterskellington]

So the first snippet you all wanted was for Soukoku, so I guess we shouldn't have been surprised that you all wanted Shin Soukoku next!

Context: Vanitas has been in Yokohama for over a month now, still has amnesia, and has managed to cure some of the Vampires created by Bram's Ability by using the Book of Vanitas (disclaimer: that is *not* Vanitas' Ability, its just something the book can do- instead of curing Vampires of malnomens, it turns Vampires created by Bram back into Humans). Akutagawa is slowly healing and wants to know exactly how he feels about Atsushi, so now that he's human again, he has been trying to spend time with Atsushi. This is one of those times. Vanitas is not in this piece, but he is mentioned a bit.

Enjoy!

*Ugh, it's the full moon again tonight...* Atsushi was grateful for the affects of All Men Are Created Equal, however the one thing that it couldn't stop was Byakko coming out completely every full moon. It was difficult to lock himself up or hide, though he was always grateful that Dazai had that storage container for him to use. He was mostly moody because...

Atsushi wasn't stupid, obviously he knew at some point Akutagawa and he would have to fight properly, but he couldn't deny that hanging out with Akutagawa outside of everything had been fun. They would spar, they would discuss things about work, though talking about the past was difficult for both of them. They both had their scars, but that was okay- it was a sign that they'd survived so much terror.

As if his thoughts had manifested the man in his thoughts, Akutagawa had sent him a text; Atsushi had wanted to keep in touch officially, since when they weren't fighting each other, they actually defended one another, Akutagawa's neck was proof of that claim. Shaking his head, ridding himself of that nightmarish image, Atsushi opened the text:

*Jinko, I know what tonight is, but I still want you to meet up with me today. If you trust me enough, meet me at the teahouse near the Red Brick Warehouse, in one hour.*

"You should trust him," Ranpo said before Atsushi could even gather his thoughts- he just looked towards the detective, who had a pocky sticking out of his mouth, and was looking through some drawings that Vanitas had made, "Akutagawa's obviously up to something, and I can confirm it's nothing nefarious. Even if it was, you'd still go, right?"

"I don't need to confirm that, you already know you're right." It was like Ranpo was a mind-reader. *Not Gifted, my ass.* Still, he was right, of course he was. If Akutagawa asked to meet, then he'd go, even if nobody else trusted him. The deadline was now four months away, but it didn't matter to him- he could only live in the present for the time being, so he wouldn't let the thoughts of his and Akutagawa's inevitable fight to the death bother him.

Besides, he wasn't needed at the office anyway. Vanitas was probably at the café with the Tanizaki's, the President was at a meeting with Special Operations, and Dazai was likely causing problems. Kyouka and Kenji were enrolled at the local school, so they were likely at their apartments doing their homework. Though Ranpo essentially gave him the go-ahead, Kunikida frowned at him, "Akutagawa's just trying to get you to drop your guard, make it easier for him to kill you."

"No, he isn't. Even if he was, he's still gotta keep his promise for another four months, he won't fight me until then..." Wait, was he actually *defending* the guy who was going to turn him into a tiger skin rug? Atsushi had caught himself but cleared his throat, "I don't believe there's malicious intent. Besides, I can handle myself. I promise, Mr. Kunikida."

Kunikida looked at him from over the top of his glasses and sighed, "Fine. I may not trust that wretched dog, but I trust *you*. Try and stay safe."

"I will!" He ran off after that, though he had the sense to keep his location on his cell in case anything did happen. He doubted Akutagawa would break his promise and kill him early, but one can never be too careful.

*****

The teahouse was one that Akutagawa frequented with Gin, since it was a nice halfway point between the Port Mafia base and their apartment. Akutagawa felt a bit more relaxed than usual- Vanitas had found that despite his Ability being unrelated to the book, which apparently showed illnesses and maladies in Vampires, he could still use it- Vampires were turning back to human, though it was a slow process, since Vanitas was only one man, and Fukuchi had turned about 38% of the entire world into Vampires.

He saw Atsushi heading in his direction and gave him his full attention, "Weretiger. How are you feeling?"

"...same as I always do on days like this." Akutagawa gave him a look of pity; the full transformations weren't something Atsushi had control of, and containing a wild tiger was about as easy as it sounded. Byakko never hurt anyone, but it would break into places that had food, or rummage for scraps. It was a good thing that the Municipal Police and the Military Police had agreed that he wasn't a risk, otherwise he'd be shipped off to Mersault, or put to death.

Morbid thoughts aside, Akutagawa just nodded sympathetically, "I'm going to help you with that. For now, let's get something to eat so you're not suffering later. What's your favourite?"

"I, uhh... chazuke... wait, why are you help-"

"Chazuke. Alright, I'll order us a few bowls, you're going to need the energy."

That *always* happened. Atsushi would ask Akutagawa why he was being nice, or why he was helping, or even why he was so determined to wait for months before they fought to the death, but there was never any answer. Akutagawa had changed since Vanitas reversed the Vampirism... though he also changed in a few other ways. Lungs aren't able to be healed completely once damaged, but the pain could be eased and living with painful lungs could be fine if handled correctly.

Vanitas had apparently been a doctor in his world, and had developed some herbal medicines and remedies, since his world was more advanced in some ways, less advanced in others. Astermite meant that Vanitas' world had a more advanced fuel source while this world would be royally fucked eventually. While hospitals were more advanced here, some of Vanitas' medicines were far better for so much, including a remedy to soothe Akutagawa's lungs, chest and throat.

It wasn't difficult to see all the changes. Akutagawa's coughing had all but subsided, and because of this, he was going out more often since the air didn't feel like smoke was filling his lungs every time he breathed, though he still wore a face mask whenever he went to the beach. The sun was having an affect on him as well, as he'd actually been going out and walking, so he'd developed a slight tan. Finally, the most obvious change was that he'd put on a slight bit of weight- who knew it was easier to enjoy food when you weren't constantly coughing up everything you swallowed?

Atsushi could finally see just how much Akutagawa could eat in a sitting now, and despite him obviously not gorging himself, it was apparent that it was more than he'd usually eat. They both ate until they had a small pile of bowls each, then Akutagawa paid the bill. The time was going faster than Atsushi had liked, since he honestly just wanted to sit here and talk with Akutagawa. It was like they could be normal kids for once. Akutagawa may point out that at 20 years old, he was no longer a child, but Atsushi wasn't buying that.

Once it had evidently reached the right time, Akutagawa stood up and held his hand out to Atsushi, "Are you willing to trust me?"

He shouldn't. Akutagawa had hurt him so much, and yet... when everything looked bad, and Atsushi was at his lowest moments, Akutagawa was the one to help him. Sure, Dazai had done a lot, but that was more because he must have felt obligated, Akutagawa didn't have that same issue.

Atsushi took his hand.

****

"I didn't know you could drive!" It took around an hour, but Akutagawa had driven them both to what looked like a forest just outside of town. Akutagawa had a simple black car, complete Mafia style, and Atsushi had wondered how he never knew. After all, most of the Port Mafia of a higher station, like Akutagawa, Kouyou, Chuuya and obviously the Boss, were normally driven around.

"It's a skill that a lot of people need to learn, Jinko. I learned to drive at 14." He smirked when he watched Atsushi grow pale and simply nodded, "Illegal, of course. But we are the Port Mafia for a reason. The Boss and some of the execs teach any young recruits the basic criminal stuff, like how to kill, steal, manipulate. However, we are also taught first aid, how to drive, how to cook and to protect ourselves and the Port Mafia."

"...did Dazai skip the learn to cook tutorial? And the driving one?" Atsushi winced at remembering the slop Dazai once served to them, calling it his *Super Stamina Hot Pot Curry*. Yosano's Ability worked overtime that day. And Kunikida had told Atsushi about Dazai's driving- his eyes still looked haunted by the memory, and he ended up throwing up. Driving so bad that even the memory causes motion sickness? Impressive, if not horrifying.

Akutagawa failed to hold back his laughter this time, and Atsushi stared at him; this was the first time he'd ever heard the sound of Akutagawa's laugh, and it was enough to make him smile. In that moment, with him holding his stomach and shaking with a grin on his face, Akutagawa looked younger. It was truly a sight, though Atsushi hid concern over the fact that his heart had skipped a beat, and he wasn't quite sure why his thoughts turned to just how *beautiful* Akutagawa looked with-

"No, he tried to learn," Akutagawa said while wiping a few stray tears from his eyes, continuing to giggle, "However, it was quickly decided that some things shouldn't be taught to some people. Meaning, only Dazai. Is he still bad?"

"Less said the better." Atsushi laughed, wincing at the memories. He looked around, at all the trees, flowers and listened to the birds chirping from above. It was so peaceful here, and the setting sun kept them warm for the time being. Akutagawa had picked up a backpack from the trunk of his car before they had started walking, and Atsushi knew better than to ask. Eventually, they reached a clearing, where there was a giant tree, lying on its side with its roots revealed. Atsushi glanced at Akutagawa who just stared at the tree before asking quietly, "Akutagawa, what is this place?"

"...we've known each other a long time. Obviously things are a little strained between us, but I know I can trust you. So, you can call me Ryū, if you'd like." That had made Atsushi flinch, but he couldn't deny that being told he could use not only Akutagawa's given name, but a shortened version to make it more casual, felt really good.

"Ryū. Okay, deal... though I don't think I'd get used to you calling me Atsushi. That freaked me out enough when you had the flu." They both looked embarrassed at that and Atsushi rubbed the back of his neck, "Weretiger and Jinko are fine."

"Agreed. And to answer your question... this is where I met Dazai." Atsushi froze and stared at Akutagawa, who had a warm smile on his face, "I was 14 years old. I came here, tracking down some men who had attacked Gin and I's street family."

It wasn't a secret that the Akutagawa siblings grew up in the slums, mostly the ones in Suribachi City, but to hear Akutagawa openly recounting the memories was strange. Atsushi wasn't sure he could ever actually tell anyone about his time at the Orphanage- the burns, the stabbing, getting nails hammered into his hands, the time he was nearly crucified? He ignored his thoughts as he continued to listen:

"One of the boys had stolen a diamond from those men, and Rashōmon proved that it was real. We were all so excited, thinking about where to sell it, knowing that with that money, we could buy a place of our own and enough food to live off until we could heal, get cleaned up, and find jobs to continue living a decent lifestyle." Even as desperate, starving children, they weren't willing to be stupid or wasteful with money. "However... those men hunted us down, and attacked."

"All for one diamond?!" That was disgusting. He winced and looked at Akutagawa, "How many of you were there?"

"Seven. Then suddenly, it was just Gin and myself. When I'm afraid or panicked, I can't control Rashōmon properly, so I was unable to avoid getting shot in the stomach. Gin was the only girl, and the men saw it. So they took her with them when they couldn't find the diamond, with the intent to sell her." Atsushi's body went cold, yet he couldn't imagine how Akutagawa must've felt.

A 14 year old boy, who had watched his friends die, got shot, and had his only family stolen from him. Obviously he would have wanted revenge, acted like a rabid dog who had lost too much and decided to go truly feral. Atsushi understood now why Akutagawa made sure to keep as calm as possible with fighting- if Rashōmon can't protect him, nothing can.

Again, thoughts manifested as Rashōmon took a small form, appearing as a demonic head on Akutagawa's shoulder, nuzzling its master's cheek, which made him smile. Not many people understood that Rashōmon was a Living Ability: a Gift that was literally alive. Capable of its own thoughts and feelings, but still under the control of it User. Demon Snow was an example of this, and while Byakko was as well, it was more independent and didn't do what it was told when fully out.

"I tracked the men down, to here. They didn't have Gin with them, so I demanded to know where she was. That was when they made the mistake of lying to me. They told me that she had been killed on her way to the person who bought her." He took a breath, trying not to let the memories consume him completely, "I hurt them, screamed obscenities, demanded to know who killed her. But they only screamed, or told me to kill myself if I wanted to see her again. I killed them all."

Atsushi found himself walking over to Akutagawa and putting his hands on his shoulders, "Ryū, if this is too much, I-" He watched as Akutagawa put a hand on top of his, before shaking his head.

"I'm okay, Jinko. Anyway, after that, I heard a voice from behind me. It was a boy, a little older than me, his eye wrapped with bandages. Rashōmon thought he was going to hurt me, and lashed at him, only to be dissipated by his Ability." Dazai, of course. Atsushi tilted his head and Akutagawa smirked, "The men were jewel smugglers for the Port Mafia, but found out they could make more profit by selling them to other organisations. Dazai came to eliminate them, but saw that I had done his job for him. I was lost, a scared child with nothing left. So I asked him: *can you give me a reason to live*? And he did. He lead me to the Port Mafia."

That explained Akutagawa's earlier jealousy. Dazai had saved Atsushi, too. Though the circumstances were very different. Atsushi concentrated on the story though, "Did he also lead you to Gin?"

"He did. She'd been sold to a child fighting ring." At the sight of Atsushi's jaw dropping, he sighed, "*Yes*, that's a thing. *No*, the Port Mafia doesn't allow that. We train children to work with us, we'd never force them to fight to the death for profit."

"Okay, thank God." He took a breath to relax then nodded towards the backpack, "Sorry to change the subject, but..?"

Akutagawa answered by removing the backpack and emptying its contents: a few blankets, some food, hot tea in flasks, and some spare clothes. He looked towards Atsushi and spoke gently, "There's a second reason I brought you here. I know your Tiger causes issues in town, so... now it has a whole forest to explore. I'll stay with you, make sure you don't wander off, and you can transform without fear."

Atsushi moved without thinking. He wrapped his arms tightly around Akutagawa, feeling as if he could cry. This beautiful forest was perfect for Byakko to wander and explore, and with nobody around, there was zero chance of anyone getting hurt. Akutagawa could easily protect himself if the Tiger was hostile, but he doubted that it would be. Mostly because...

Fun fact: tigers aren't able to purr like cats do, and yet- here Atsushi was, a soft rumbling sound coming from his chest, that only got louder when Akutagawa wrapped his arms around Atsushi. He made no comments about the purring, and Atsushi suddenly understood why as Rashōmon began to make a similar sound. The Tiger and Rashōmon purred together, and they made their Users want to laugh, but they were also getting their Users to relax.

After a little longer, Akutagawa pulled away, to set up the blankets. Atsushi also noticed that he'd brought a book about birds, seeing that some of the birds on the cover were actually in the forest. It would be good to see what birds they could spot while the sun was still providing light. He also had another book for entertainment- Atsushi recognised it as one Kyouka read, and while he thought the language used was a little vulgar for her, he saw that it was obviously a love story and let it slide.

They ate snacks and bird watched, but then Akutagawa decided to ask: "Do you remember how you got your Ability?" At his puzzles look, Akutagawa elaborated, "Were you born with the Tiger, or did you inherit it? Or... did the Orphanage experiment on you, or traumatise you enough that the Tiger was the result?"

Atsushi frowned to himself, having to really think about that. The first option of being born with the Tiger made sense, though it was certainly an unusual Gift to be born with. Not unheard of, just unusual. The only experiment that he went through was with Shibuzawa, but he already had the Tiger by that point. Maybe the trauma did create the Ability, but at the same time, weren't they beating the shit out of him *because* he could turn into a Tiger? He had nobody to inherit the Gift from, so that was out of the window. "...I have no idea. If I had to guess, I'd say I was born with it."

"I see. Forgive my curiosity, I just couldn't help myself!" Akutagawa wanted to know more about Atsushi, it felt better to. The boy had tried to save him so many times, even when he was verbally and physically assaulting him. Even when Fukuchi killed him, the last thing he saw was Atsushi trying to reach out to him. The mind may trick people, but eyes don't lie- Atsushi had been devastated by his death, and Akutagawa would have been as well if their positions had been switched. Not that he could admit that, yet.

"...what about you?" He found himself asking meekly. When he saw Akutagawa's face drop, he hurriedly spoke while waving his hands, "You don't have to answer, I just-"

"Inherited." He said with a soft voice. Atsushi blinked and Akutagawa sighed, "Well, I took Rashōmon from its original master- mistress, actually- though it chose me to wield it."

Atsushi found himself sitting up and giving Akutagawa his full attention. He chuckled and looked up at the sky- once he'd verified that there was enough time, he told his story:

*****

When Gin and I were young, I think I was about 6, so Gin was 4, our parents decided that they didn't want kids anymore. So they dumped us at our grandparents doorstep, and we never saw them again. Our grandmother was Gifted with Rashōmon- a Living Ability that turns cloth into a blade, armour, and a beast.

She didn't want children, nor grandchildren, she wanted servants. So Gin and I were forced to take that role. Our grandfather wasn't any better- we couldn't even call them our grandparents, we had to refer to them as Master and Mistress. So we became their help, having to cook, clean, go shopping. We weren't allowed to spend a penny on ourselves, and we could only eat the scraps that they didn't eat.

Years were spent like that, but things changed one day; the Master had developed a lung disease, one I found out later that the bastard knew he would develop and pass on to any offspring. He didn't bother to get treatment, refused any medication Gin and I bought... we hated him, but we still didn't want him to die. But he perished. That was when the Mistress decided she was done with "being nice".

She sought out any excuse to beat us, and slash us using her Gift, but what she didn't count on was the fact that Rashōmon was *alive* and had morals of its own. One day, she was whipping me, I think I didn't scrub the floor well enough, but Rashōmon just... wrapped around her wrist and stopped her. That was when I learned that it was alive.

Tachihara once made the joke of me being vulnerable when naked, but the truth is, Rashōmon is a part of *me* not just my clothing. I just can't use the Ability with no cloth. However, Rashōmon does take a while to transfer from cloth to nothing, so if I have Rashōmon in my coat and take it off, it takes a few moments before I can use it on my shirt. Thats what happens when we use Kokko Zessō, I make sure that Rashōmon stays with you, Weretiger.

The Mistress was so angry at Rashōmon for refusing to hurt me, that she stripped naked then and there, so that Rashōmon was still in her kimono. From there, she cast it into a fire. That's the thing with Living Abilities- they feel pain just like us. And it's screams were horrible to hear. She just watched it burn, and left. That... was how I developed a bond with it. I saved a scrap of the burning cloth and managed to douse the flames. It was such a relief to see the beast's tiny head rise from the cloth, and I assured Rashōmon that it would be okay. It reformed back on the Mistress later, but something had obviously changed.

The beatings were mine to take, but clearly the Mistress had enough. She decided that I'd never be perfect, no matter how many beatings I took, so she decided she'd take away the one thing that mattered most to me: Gin.

She'd grabbed a kitchen knife, and went to stab my sister, but Rashōmon made her sleeve so tight that her wrist broke. After she dropped the knife, I grabbed it. One stab to the chest was all it took; I was furious, I wanted her to suffer, but I also wanted to be *better* than her. She laughed at me, even when she was dying, calling me weak and pathetic. My weakness in that moment died, and I finally spoke, words I'd never needed to use before, but it was fitting now.

"*Rashōmon: Jaws of Endless Gates!!*"

There was nothing left of her. I thought Gin would think I was a monster, but even she had a moment and spat on the bitch's remains. Rashōmon had purred, calming us both down. That was the day I became Gifted.

****

"After that, we stole everything we could and ended up living in the slums." Akutagawa was sat, holding his knees to his chest, and he saw that Atsushi had no expression on his face, "I'm sorry if I look more like a monster to you now, I and my Little Beast."

"No, you don't. You look like a caring brother who just couldn’t handle any more abuse." Atsushi held out his hand, summoning his Tiger's claws, "Besides, I can't judge. If I knew what I was capable of when I was younger, I probably would have killed the Headmaster myself, and I admit that I don't regret killing Shibuzawa. Both times, I didn't actually feel bad."

Taking a life was never easy, not even for the Port Mafia. Assassin's, mercenaries and usurpers, but still human. Sure, one can become distant and indifferent, but at some point, stomachs turn and you can't handle it. Even the Agency carried guns, but actually shooting someone was a different story. Shooting, slashing, hurting in general, everyone is physically capable, but not mentally.

Atsushi shivered as he realised that the sun had set, and the moon had begun rising, though he felt... calmer. Byakko was calm, this forest was peaceful. Maybe being able to run around, stretch its legs would do him the world of good? It didn't take long for it to become a reality.

White fur, bright yellow eyes, and giant claws formed, with a mouth filled with razor sharp fangs. But Byakko didn't growl or roar, it... sniffed.

The fearsome, supposedly man eating Tiger, was holding its head down, sniffing the ground like a puppy! It prowled, smelling the air, scratching trees, before breaking off into a run, climbing aforementioned trees or rolling around on the soft grass.

Akutagawa watched with a stunned expression, he couldn't help but take some photos and videos, completely awestruck. Atsushi was likely buried deep inside, and Byakko was the one completely in control. He briefly imagined that this must be what it's like for Chuuya using Corruption, having to let Arahabaki take the wheel as it were.

Hours were spent like this: Byakko explored the forest, not hunting since the only pray were the birds, plus because Atsushi had eaten a lot, the Tiger didn't feel the need to eat. Akutagawa went between watching, filming, taking pictures and reading his book.

He'd gotten a little *too* relaxed, he realised, when Rashōmon suddenly hissed- the Tiger had strolled up to them, though it seemed calm. Akutagawa trusted Rashōmon to protect him, as he held his hand out. Byakko seemed to recognise Akutagawa as someone that it's User cared about, and placed its head in Akutagawa's hand, letting out a soft purr.

*Incredible...* Akutagawa thought to himself as he pet the Tiger, feeling the soft rumbling of its chest. Byakko eventually laid down beside Akutagawa, falling asleep. It was really late, at least for them, it was about 3am now. Akutagawa didn't know how well this would turn out, but he laid beside the Tiger, pulling a blanket over himself and letting sleep consume him.

*****

Atsushi woke up the next morning feeling *warm*. He was still a little sleepy, but he became aware that he was wrapped in a blanket and... being held? But the only one with him was-

His eyes snapped open as he registered the fact that he was with Akutagawa last night. And right now, Akutagawa was asleep, *holding Atsushi in his arms*!! Atsushi tried to stay calm, and to not panic, trying to think about how to explain all this, when he felt his chest rumbling. Oh, did the Tiger decide to betray him?!

No, apparently not. Akutagawa's arms held him a little tighter, keeping Atsushi warm and secure. It was nice, *really* nice. He found himself yawning, and snuggling into Akutagawa's embrace completely.

Maybe five more minutes wouldn't hurt?

[youuuimeanmee]

Noragami Final Chapter Thoughts

You know what? I'm used to it.

I'm used to have exceptionally well-written manga get cut off or deadline-d to finish at certain point of time (usually by the publisher's order) when the authors still have so, so, SO much more left to give, so in the end they have no choice but to rush the final chapter.

Shingeki no Kyojin, Promised Neverland, Nisekoi, other mangas I forgot to name. And this manga. For such a long-running series with deep lore, they all could use a special volume (200+ pages) as an epilogue, not a 45-pages speedrun of everyone's everafter. I wish more series could follow Mob Psycho's example. Some say Mob Pycho Season 3 is too long, it needs to be more compact etc, but I don't think so at all. I think it's perfect the way it is -- it's a fulfilling send-off for all the characters we love so much. I wish more series would get their ending like that, but what can I say about Japanese manga industry.

And there's also Adachitoka's health to consider too. In which case, I'd say they did their best, and I'm really thankful for them for being able to deliver this series safely.

In short, I already expected this chapter to be a speedrun. Because of that, my experience when I read this chapter is better than I expected.

Maybe because I've learned my lessons for not making theory too much, so I don't have certain expectations that'd cloud my judgement.

With no deep thoughts when reading, let's go dive in.

The PUNS it still gets me. Yukine's sister calling Haruki's name while watching a tree that blossoms in spring is 😭😭😭

Ayoo he can change to a dog still? My poor baby 😭

I guess this is his punishment for wrecking havoc in the human world and disturbing the Heaven? But like, he was clearly under the influence of trashdad?? He's not really at fault?? Is this author's message that we shouldn't justify his action just because we understood his reasons?? But still. That's too cruel for doing it for your own main character.

I know shinkis that were left behind by their master would retain their name after the master's death, but still. To think Izanami's power is still working on Yukine after the Kotonoha is destroyed. This is tragedy.

THE FLOWERSS IN YUKINE'S RESTING PLACEE AKSJJDBDKDJDJD

Daww that's nicee. Hiyori as an intern!

Damn, she really forgot everything. This is for the best though, she already died once when she got too close with the far shore; I'm already prepared for this much. Maybe Yato had finally severed her ties with him and that (along with the cpr) is what allowed Hiyori to return.

Wdym "intense cpr," it's more than intense. It's hella long too. Nobody could perform intense cpr for hours nonstop, unless that person is non-human.

Good to know Yato broke her ribs though, nice work!

Hiyori's missing notebook? Prob taken by Yato or something.

Dafuq. Move along with your "it's me!" wishy-boy. No. This time it's not you who kissed her. You were delirious in some random abandoned building in some random city when Hiyori was dying.

See, this is my nightmare. To have the real Fujisaki Koto as Hiyori's future love interest. Because I know for sure, for so long, that they could bonded with their out-of-body experience when they both lost their memory.

Sorry Koto, 'nothing against the real you, but your alter ego has kinda ruined your image.

Damn, Father's longing for Kaya runs deep in Koto's veins.

BAHAHA, Nice one Coophone. Or Yato. Or Yukine. Or whatever tf Hiyori's guardian is.

AWWW THE GODS ARE CARRYING HIYORI'S LEGACY TO HAVE A PICNIC TOGETHER 😭😭😭😭

Aww man I didn't see Nana. She'd love to have a picnic with both Bishamon and Arahabaki! Is it because she was infected with GGS, or is it simply her turn to watch over the house? I hope it's the latter.

I wish the Gods would talk more about Yato's miracles, including about Hiyori. She is literally the glue that help stick these guys together. Without her, they wouldn't even know about Father's Liberation ability.

Heck, forget about Yatori. I wanna hear the Gods reminscing about their situations & conditions after the incident. But alas.

Oh well. This is something I've learned to let go.

Woow Kunimi looks young! Does he finally have a vacation?? Lol

Ebisu's voice got deeper? He still looks like a baby to me. Is he a baby 12-yo?

It's real nice to see the 3 reincarnated gods! Though I coulnd't care less abt them,even tho i know they have main character energy

Oh. my God. TakeKiun is really sailingg Look at dem. Matching clothes and soft smiles and all dat shit 🥺🥺🥺

Um, okay. It's good and all that each mortal has their own version about what happened at that time, but like,

Weren't people DIED???

I thought many people died!! Getting slashed by Gods!! Why is it not covered on the national news-

(myb when Father's "nation" returned to the underworld, the souls who were lost were also returned to its vessel somehow?)

Nope, nevermind. Just don't think too deeply about it. Moving on.

BISHAAA it's good to see her in great health!

Though I really wanna know, how is her relationship with the Heaven and the other Gods after that fiasco, how she feels abt Father's defeat, etc--

NOPE. Don't thinkabout it. Just moveon.

Here I thought Yato was gonna get a reward from Amaterasu for slaying "something that doesn't belong on this Earth." Oh well. Guess Amaterasu is hella stingy like that.

Why Yukine seems like he got even smaller though. Is it the changing art style? He looks more baby than ever.

Wait, they got a whole proper room to sleep? Is this their old room in Kofuku's house?? I thought since Yukine is infected by GGS, Kofuku stayed the hell away from Yukine, but that doesn't seem like the case?

Maybe Kofuku-Daikoku are the one who abandoned the shop; leaving it for Yato and Yukine to stay in? We'll never know.

(Now where is Kofuku's new address, I need to know)

Since Yukine is infected by GGS and always in constant nightmare, I'd like to believe Kazuma is experiencing the same thing; in order to separate him from the rest of the clan, now Kazuma sleeps with Bishamon every night. Lucky bastard.

That is so touching of Yato for comforting his sobbing child every night, but I wish we got a glimpse of his reminisce with his now-gone Father.

Oh wooww the dude finally stopped playing around. I thought he didn't have the guts to cut Hiyori's ties, turns out he really cut itt. No wonder Hiyori forgot about him for 10 years.

(Though I don't think she forgot completely either. Yato might not be in her head anymore, but he's still in her heart)

Adachitoka-san. Are you trying to tell ME this teke-teke thing is way more viral than the mass of unnatural, unknown deaths???

Is it because there's no death at all???

*sighs.* Anyways.

Aww Nora is now staying at Iki's household, happier than ever 🥺

Oh so that's where Hiyori's notebook goes.

Wait, Iki household creeps Hiyori out? Why? Is it because she was traumatized by her grandma's death? (Does she even remember that?) Is it because she faintly remembered the way Nora broke her house's windows? Or is it because she could sense Nora's presence and it icks her? I hope it's not the latter ☹️

I'm happy Nora is finally a happy child, but, Yukine? What about my son Yukine, who is no longer a pure soul, who could no longer sleep peacefully every night. Where is Nora's apology for leading Yukine to Father huh? Where is her apology for (indirectly) turning Yukine into who he is today? I guess it happens off-screen, we'll never know.

OH WOWW THE PUNS' AT IT AGAIN

Wdym "the night has a scent."

"Night" is using the same kanji as Yato's name, 夜. She is remembering his smell from the nightt, peoplee

(The night when he kissed her prob)

The power of the match-matching ema hunged by Ookuninushi is really strong, huh. Hiyori managed to remember Yato again, despite her already-severed-ties with Yato.

(or maybe not. I guess their fate really IS intertwined, knowing their first meeting)

I kinda wish Hiyori would remember Yato much later, like, in her 40s when she already has kids on her own, but hey, the sooner she remembers him, the longer he'd stay on this Earth so I'd still consider it a win!

Tbh, a part of me don't want her to get involved with far shore like she did in the past, but a part of me also wants her to snuggle between Yato and Yukine's arms after her work hours end. Dilemma.

Now I need Hiyori's journey to become one hell of a rich doctor so she could build a proper shrine for Yato so she and her family could pray together every morning, because she claimed it's Yatogami who saved her life that day. She'd make dinner for Yato and Yukine and eat with them every evening while her family acknowledge it as her night-praying-time. She'd tell her family, her future husband, and her future children about the legend of Yato (she'd exaggerate it a lot) and the next thing she knows, Yato have already has a devoted followers. Oh, and she'd often visited Bisha's shrine, Kofuku's, Ebisu's, all gods associated with Yato.

That's it folks. I rarely do my thoughts about Noragami, but I do read it religiously regularly each month. This manga has already become my comfort manga no matter how angsty it is, so it's gonna be hard to part with it, after all this time. Maybe for next month I'm gonna restart from chapter 1, one chapter per month.

I do have to say though, usually when I read a series with unsatisfactory ending, it leaves a bad taste in mouth. Somehow this chapter don't feel like that at all. I don't know why. I still look at this chapter and all the previous ones with fondness.

I wanna dream that 1-2 years from now, Adachitoka would release a 200-pages of Noragami epilogue -- which I know it's impossible, but hey, let the girl dream. I'm also looking forward for the extra komas, if there's any.

It's been a good time with you all 🤗👋

[copperbadge]

Sam - You probably already know this, but I just heard that Adderall is now on back-order nationwide (even worse than it had been before). If you can start trying to re-order it well before you run out this time, I'd recommend it. I don't know if that's possible, though...

Unfortunately -- but also fortunately! -- it’s not possible. Because it’s a controlled substance that can both be abused by the patient and sold for a reasonable profit, it’s got very firm regulations. You get one scrip for a 30 day supply (you can’t have more) and then on day 30 you can file a whole new scrip (no refills!) for your next 30 day supply. This is a bit bullshit because there’s no real reason not to give someone who has a history of regular non-abuse a 90 day supply or two refills, but it’s legal meth, so you know, I see why the bullshit is in place. 

So it’s Bad, obviously, because it means I can’t get a refill now while there might be some still in stock; my 30-day deadline is next Friday and there’s no moving that. So that’s me fucked a bit. However, this is also Good, because it means nobody else can do this either -- you can’t create artificial demand when it comes to Adderall, because nobody can buy out the entire stock or take more than their share. So while it would be much more ideal if I had renewed my scrip last week, the demand will only rise as much as the immediate action of people who are normally slow to fill their scrips, which I can’t imagine is a lot. Like yes we all have executive dysfunction but I think a lot of us have a real laser focus on the Good Brain Drug, you know? 

The real problem is an uneven backstock. Some pharmacies will probably have a reasonable amount, others will be out for weeks.  The pharmacy I use is a perpetually-empty Walgreens that nobody ever goes into or uses because nobody lives near it (I work near it) so I might get lucky. 

Usually, so far, the protocol for me has been "every 30 days have a consult with my psychiatrist, he puts in a new scrip, they fill it". This time, OF COURSE this time, we're trying something new -- he wrote two scrips at once, one got filled, the other one gets submitted by me on the 30 day mark. So I’ll call the pharmacy on Monday and be like “I’m not freaking out about the shortage, I just need to know when I should submit a scrip that can’t be filled until Friday” but hopefully I’ll also get some info on the shortage. 

And if I can’t get any immediately, well, I take frequent breaks and often don’t take my second dose, so I did the math in my tracking sheet and I have enough to see me halfway into November, especially if I don’t take any on weekends. I don’t love breaking into my personal backstock, but that’s why it exists, after all. This is a much bigger deal for people who really need the drug for basic function -- people on higher doses are going to be significantly more fucked. 

I may ask my psych next time I see him if I could get on a 20mg scrip so I can split the tabs and make a 30 day supply last 60 days; I don’t think it’s normally something he’d approve of but with the shortage it might be the best way to secure a reasonably-sized emergency stash. 

And I think all of this -- the spreading of the news, the counting of backstock pills, the strategies to stabilize one’s personal supply -- are really fascinating evidence of how treating non-addicts like addicts...makes them behave like addicts. If half the population of Adderall patients had a 90 day supply in hand, this shortage wouldn’t be such an issue. 

[phoenixyfriend]

❤ for the ships ask game :) chewku please!

Or, alternatively, rexani/rexanidala if you've been pursued far enough by the former. Thank you! Love your writing, it always makes my day when you update on AO3, and the snippets of aus here are always so fun and well constructed!

Send me a ღ and I’ll fill this out about a ship

This ask meme is from a year ago. Please don't send new prompts.

Gonna do this for Rexanidala

Who’s the first to wake up in the morning: Rex, like clockwork.

Who’s the one to make breakfast: Usually Padme, but they all take turns, I think.

Who’s the one to serve the other breakfast in bed: They would all do it, but I think Anakin would be the most excited to do it, then Rex. Padme does it casually but the boys... the boys are really into it.

Who would suggest a quickie in the morning before work: Anakin, sometimes Padme. Canon tells us they are horny idiots. (It's okay, we love them. They can be smart when they're not being led around by the hormones.) Meanwhile Rex is just like. Why are you guys like this. Date night is literally today. Just wait a few hours? We're gonna be late to work? Come on.

Who suggests they both ditch work to lay around all day: Like the above, Anakin, sometimes Padme. They both judge the other when they do it, too. Rex is so tired of them being like this. The war is over, you guys, we are not on a deadline!

Who chooses the movies: They cycle through. Anakin's got a thing for old romances, like Shakespearean stuff or full-on operas. Padme's into more modern musicals and romcoms. Rex is willing to try just about anything, but usually picks mysteries or action adventure or something when it's his turn, just to mix things up from the romances the other two pick. (That said, he keeps the horror and thrillers for movie nights with the 501st.)

Who initiates kissing during the moving, thus distracting the other from the movie all together: Padme, I think. Anakin may be on Team Horny, but he's also the kind to get really invested in whatever he's watching, while Rex isn't very 'spontaneous kisses during another activity' unless there's a big shift (e.g. kissing during a spar isn't expected, but if you grapple your way into your lips being an inch apart, it' snot abnormal to just do a quick peck).

Who orders lunch: Rex. Anakin tends to hyperfocus on whatever he's doing, and Padme's often busy in meetings or on calls. Rex is more than happy to pick something up and swing by for a throuple's lunch.

Who steals food from the other’s plate without asking: Mostly Anakin, but nobody's immune to this urge.

Who curls up next to the other and falls asleep due to a full tummy: Still on team 'Padme likes kittenplay, put her in a collar and pet her.' Anakin and Padme are both prone to this. Rex is just happy to have people treating him like a pillow, it makes him feel loved.

Who distracts the other from trying to work at home: ...again, this is just canon for Anakin, and even a little bit for Padme. They drag each other down. If they try to do it to Rex, he suffers through it. (After a few incidents, though, Cody or another clone takes them aside and tells them to knock it off, because Rex still isn't entirely comfortable telling them to stop bothering him while he's working, just out of habit from the war when Anakin would bug him while on shift, and if they keep doing it, Rex might call off the relationship before he tries just telling them to stop.)

Who asks to go get ice cream like a five year old: Mostly Anakin, but the other two are willing to stoop to this level.

Who takes pictures of their partner eating ice cream: Padme.

Who makes a sexual joke about the dripping ice cream on their partner’s face: Rex is more than eager to whip out "I was in the army for several years" levels of dirty joke to see if he can get Padme to blush. (Anakin, despite also spending three years in the army, is very easy to make blush. No challenge there.)

Who cooks dinner: Padme likes making breads and other baked goods, but Anakin's a stovetop guy (fried foods, soups, etc). Rex is learning new recipes here and there, and has decided he's really into foods that can be made in a casserole dish, like musaka and pilav.

Who cleans up the kitchen afterwards: Whoever didn't cook... unless they're at Padme's place (which they usually are), where cleaning droids take care of it.

Who stays up until 2 reading: They're all prone to this. Rex is the most consistent about getting to bed, but Anakin (hyperfocus, time blindness) and Padme (overdeveloped sense of responsibility and 'just one more thing' about work) are both liable to stay up waaaaay too late.

Who stares at their partner while their sleeping: Anakin. Sometimes Padme.

Who kisses their partner while they sleep: All of them, but it's usually the boys.

[dunetevenn]

SELFSHIP COLLAB ARE OPEN!! (2 slots aviable)

Proship DNI

Hi everyone!! Now that I have less WiPs, I can start working on more stuff :D So, I decided to share some more infos about this collab!!

You can read the concept in the screenshot ^^

I'm opening 3 slots for now, but if I get good experiences I might open them again ^-^

Here's a little QnA that nobody asked for, but can be useful:

-Can platonic/familial F/Os participate?

Of course!! I mostly have romantic F/Os, but I have a few sons and friends I can use :3 (the adopted children are listed, but not the friends, you can ask me directly if you wish to know). The settings doesn't have to be romantic, it can be anything as long as it's not innapropriate!! Even fanmade family members of my F/Os are accepted (like if you created a sibling for Donny for example and would like to use it) ^^

-Can I participate if I'm under 18?

Even though the collabs will be SFW, I would be more comfortable working with people over 18, so no.

-Can we do a collab with a F/O we're sharing?

That's a bit complicated: I am not super comfortable sharing, but also I'm not against the idea of a collab about a poly dynamic (as long as it doesn't contain any rivality, I don't want to draw my S/I fighting with someone else's over a shared F/O), so I'd say it depends (I'm quite jealous and protective over my f/os but I'm trying to be better). Can be fine if my romantic F/O is your platonic F/O tho :3

-Do we have a deadline?

I'd say 3 monthes? I can be really slow depending on the style I'm using, so I really don't want to force others to rush their part!! Plus technical difficulties (that I'm sure will happen, knowing my luck lol) can happen, so really the 3 monthes "deadline" can be extented ^^ We just can't share our parts publicly as long as the final piece isn't finished.

-Are non-human couples okay?

Of course :3 I mostly have human F/Os but that doesn't stop anything !!

-My F/O comes from a controversial media, can I still participate?

If it's controversial just because of the creator, then I don't care, you can participate!! As long as your ship isn't problematic, it's fine for me.

-What about evil or slasher F/Os?

Those are perfectly fine. I do not count them as problematic as long as it's not a fetishized abusive relationship. Please read the rules about this.

Rules:

•Be nice and patient !! This is my first time opening collabs, and I sometimes have troubles with communications, but I'll do my best

•No NSFW/suggestive content!! I'd accept that in art trades and commissions but not here. No gore or violence too.

•Communication is needed. We're probably gonna have to talk a good while to be sure of what we want to do, so don't let me without answers for a week!! And same for me, I'll do my best to contact you whenever it's needed as quickly as I can!! Also WiP sharing's important too

•No proship content. I won't work with a zoo/abusive/incestuous/pedo ship (even if it's with an aged-up character). Note that if I don't know a character you want to use, I will make researches about it to make sure it's not an aged-up kid or anything else from the list.

If you are proship, I won't accept your participation and I am kindly asking you to please not interact with my content. I'm very uncomfortable about this. Same if you're shipping yourself with a real person. Don't do that.

And if I accidentally accept a collab like that (mistakes can happen if I fail my researches), I will delete the art and block the person I collaborated with.

HOWEVER, as stated before, evil F/Os (slasher characters, characters like Sephiroth or characters like Arktos) are not counted on this list and therefore are accepted

•It's not "first arrived first served", I have a right to refuse a collab. You too btw: I'd recommend checking my f/o list beforehand so you can tell me in advance if there's a f/o you're not comfortable seeing in a collab, I'll just pick an other one ^^

Okay, that's all I can think about for the infos, if you have any other question that I didn't included in the list, you can ask it in the comments or directly in private ^^ !! Hope some people will be interrested !!

[the-glorious-evolution-fanart]

what do you think about the convergence designs?

Hey there Anon, my general thoughts I mentioned on my general art blog: https://www.tumblr.com/ikleyvey/721851451454980096/what-do-you-think-about-the-face-reveal-of-viktor?source=share

In more detail:

I downloaded and saved all parts of the Convergence, I really like comics and I value this one as well. I like the colours especially I think.

I love them, I want a bunch of content with them they're so dear to me! But we're not here for beauty. We're here for darkness.

I think we should all have expected bullshit technology that definitely cannot work. Like when sci-fi works slap "quantum" onto anything and think it makes it sound cool and science-y.

No, a severed head bolted onto a thin metal neck connected to the body is not going to be able to live. Riot, stop with putting mechanical parts between organic ones. Stop it. Bad Riot. Just like they wrote in a story about Zaun a woman with mechanical elbows. Her lower arms would rot away!! This is very logical!! And excuses such as "this is fantasy" don't work because the tech level doesn't match super sci-fi. And even in super sci-fi nobody would make such designs because they're impractical.

Their designs do not fit Viktor's aesthetic at all. They're much more like quickly pulled from Warhammer 40K Mechanicus, and not even that.

Case in point, all designs are not thought-through much. It's first draft stuff.

What are these augments?? What are these legs?? Triple faces and spindly arms? No, I want to base my stuff on real stuff...

I heard tracing maybe(?) helps speed things up, and commissioned comics are so often on very tight deadlines and not paid well, thankfully I'm not forced to trace.

We do not need another Dr. Doom copied element. Believe me. Not another one. I don't agree with Viktor having a scarred face, that's Dr. Doom's thing. Riot is using this as a cop-out. It's much better to have him use the mask as a symbol of his ideology, and a metaphor for him hiding his vulnerability in a very obvious way. THIS is why he's physically "perfect" in my version because that characteristic I believe enhances his main traits.

So is he WideViktor, or is he the skinny sickly Viktor from Arcane? Nobody knows, the authors don't know, and I'm sure as hell Riot didn't give clear instructions on that either lolol

^ Best Viktor art bits in the comic imo, even if I don't like the new mask design. (original mask ftw!)

I don't want to dunk on other artists, but movement and anatomy can be improved. Heck, my anatomy needs to be improved as well! But if problems are noticeable in our art, then they definitely should be improved. I mean this as positive encouragement so that art would be even better. (Also lol did they paint my character in pink? I joke)

It was HILARIOUS to watch official content regurgitate what I identified and portrayed as incorrect and very simplistic interpretation of lore back in two-thousand-fucking-fourteen:

I was like 19 or something, never had a single job in my life, had gotten only one commission by then, I was a literal 0. But I always say, believe me when I point out something. BELIEVE ME. Very few people do. And what happens? I end up being right! I'm always happy to talk about stuff though.

I'll make a companion piece to this post specifically about the NARRATIVE of the Convergence comic. Also if anyone wants my opinion on a specific frame from the Convergence comic, send it to me I have open submissions!

[carsonian]

avengers rock band au. not sure if i want to take this further. let me know if you're into it!

Content warnings: drug abuse, implied sexual content | Also, apparently 2024 is the year of pining!Steve....?

Steve stops at the foot of the bed, already done with the conversation set out before him. With a sigh, he says, "you can't run from this forever."

Tony's draped across the bed like he's an art installation, some avant-garde, postmodern posturing of an insouciant rockstar sniffing a line of coke. Because it's Tony, he does the line clean, and when his head finally slants to acknowledge Steve's presence, he doesn't look any lesser for having snorted a little plastic baggie of white powder.

He doesn't even have the grace to trip over his comeback. "I don't need forever." He turns over onto his back, stretching his arms above him with a slow inhale that carries on, and on. "That's nice."

"It can't possibly have hit your bloodstream already."

"I was talking about the stretch."

Steve feels his eyebrows knit tight and angry, and does his best to quell it as he walks over then sits down on the bed. "Tomorrow. That's the deadline. You said we'd look it over."

"God, since when is rock and roll about meeting deadlines?" Tony grouses.

"You're doing the Jagger routine? Really?" Leaning forward, Steve presses the flat of his thumb against Tony's pulse point until the man's wincing back. "Get up, come on."

"I'm incapacitated." Tony gestures to the plastic baggie.

"Your choice, isn't it?" It's a little sharper than he intends, than he promised himself he'd be. It is Tony's choice. Badgering him about it isn't going to help. "I've seen you give speeches with more a' that shit in you, cawm on. You ain't getting out of this."

"You're such a dick." Tony grumbles but it's the grumbling of a resigned man, and sure enough, in the moment after, the brunet sits up and shuffles close to him. Steve had brought his guitar with him, his trusty ol' Les Paul, and he puts it in his lap now. "I'm still figuring out the words," he warns Tony, and the man hums, eyes blinking shut the way they do any time he's listening to something for the first time.

Steve's not the singer of the group, no, that's the brown-eyed bugger himself, and his voice can't quite hit the high notes. Still, he's used to this, relaying lyrics to Tony, and there's no discomfort about him as he sings, soft and a little husky, about the twisted machinations of media politics and the displacement of the working class. The political songs are always trickier because wording matters so very much--and while he's good at punchlines, good at finding the lyrics that'll stick, he's not the greatest at stringing it together into perfect, lyrical harmony. Structure. Narrative. That's where Tony excels, pulling in the threads, rearranging things, knowing what to cut out, what to bring in.

Steve's sitting cross-legged with his guitar in his lap, and when he gets to the bridge, Tony shifts to rest his head atop Steve's knee. His eyes blink open, and the look in them is thoughtful.

He finishes the song, and keeps his fingers poised ready over the strings.

"You've got a thought," he murmurs. Tony fixes one eye on him, the other shut so it's like looking at a still-frame wink. It pulls at the barely there wrinkles around his eyes in an interesting way that Steve absolutely doesn't pay attention to.

"Lead up to the bridge isn't strong enough." Tony says, "for one."

"I reckon that'll be percussion. Haven't picked Clint's brains yet. Cooper's still got that nasty fever." He explains.

"Still? Thought they went to the doc's?" Tony asks.

"It's sticking around." Steve says, "I think Laura's keen for another visit, though I'm not sure how much that'll help."

"You and your distrust of hospitals." Tony turns his eyes heavenward, rolling off Steve's lap and onto the bed. "Instead of ending with, giving it all to the very few, why not lead with, giving it all to the very few, into nobody's seeing what it all comes to. And you repeat that thrice before the chorus. Extends the song, yeah, but it gives that first part of the bridge more heft."

Steve sings it, Tony joining in to demonstrate how each iteration gets more caterwaul-like, more desperate. It works with the isolation of the bridge and Steve smiles, private and quiet. "Works." He makes a note in his writing journal, flipping the blue slide down from his multi-pen.

He's got a system: black for writing drafts, green for chords, blue for amendments. In between lines and lines of black, blue and green--scrawled down whenever he gets a good line or chord in his head--are throwaway lyrics and beats in red, from times when Tony leans over and whispers something into his ear, whatever brainworm's gotten ahold of him. And sure, Tony could pen it down himself but he travels light, and Steve doesn't think Tony's actually gone into his notes app before, is practically familial with the virtual assistant for anything he needs done. So it all comes to Steve.

He doesn't mind; sometimes, Tony's ideas spiral into his own. Other times, it's just nice to write something in a different colour.

They pick through the song like this, Steve discarding some of Tony's ideas which of course prompts Tony to spitball more outlandish suggestions, shuffling up onto his elbows. It's fun, this. Tony getting riled up ranks high for entertainment value alone, but Tony riled up over music? It's a privilege. Even as Tony's fingers being to tap manically against the back of Steve's elbow and his teeth begin to grind from the cocaine, it's not enough to break the normal, honest, downright beautiful joy of songwriting.

After the third time Steve catches Tony's legs from folding around his neck in a pretzel-like headstand, he clicks his tongue and squeezes the man's ankle. "Alright. You're bouncing off the walls. Go shag a model or something." Steve pats his ankle, "go on. I hereby relieve you of your brain."

Tony's whoop is longwinded and obnoxious, but the grin he sets upon Steve is wild, all unholy danger. He points at Steve, and says, "I wanna explore every crack in the fucking universe," here, he licks his lips absentmindedly, "and I'm starting with that sound tech's."

"You're vile." Steve says, calling after Tony as he heads out of the room, "don't fuck Sandra, she talks shit about you when you're taking a piss break!"

"That's not a turn-off!" Tony sing-songs as he flicks the door shut behind him.

[sswissy]

𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 | 𝗌𝗐𝗂𝗌𝗌 𝗀𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗅

𝒔𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒚𝒏 | 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏

Bellamira was less than pleased having to return back to her duties after spending a few days in the Ghoul's den with Swiss. Apparently Cardi had slipped up even though Rain had made up an excellent cover story with Aether. However Sister Imperator could see right through anything so Cardi wasn't at too much fault here. Bellamira had definitely been slacking off but it was hard to focus on cleaning or assisting new sisters when Swiss was at the peak of his heat. 

Plus Swiss didn't make things easier on her by any means throughout the week. His constant need for attention or to fuck was physically exhausting but Bellamira wasn't going to complain. Being able to spend a few days with her mate was exhilarating. However what Mira wasn't too thrilled about was the constant badgering from the new sister who couldn't quite catch the hint that Swiss wasn't interested. 

It was like the women had a sixth sense when it came to finding where she was in the abbey. Even if Mira wasn't doing something on her usual schedule, she was able to sniff her out somehow. It was honestly completely infuriating to deal with especially when she was trying to rush back to the Ghoul den without being seen by her. Sister Evelyn was making Bellamira reach a breaking point which was extremely difficult but the women knew how to push all the wrong buttons. 

"If Sister Imperator doesn't switch my schedule then there might be another small fire set in the abbey." Bellamira grumbled. She had sought out Cardi for some kind of advice but the man was kicking it into high gear trying to make it to rehearsals. Their work load of paperwork had been quite intense that afternoon with upcoming ritual deadlines and countless other small things to approve for the abbey. 

"Sorella for all that is unholy, please don't set the abbey on fire-" Cardi pleaded, his eyes showing pure alarm in them. Dew would be willing to set anywhere ablaze and if Mira got a hold of him for the suggestion, they would be absolutely screwed. 

"I didn't say I'd set the entire abbey on fire, Cardi." Mira laughed it off. As much as she couldn't stand Sister Evelyn, there was no reason for violence especially if it put the abbey at risk. Just hopefully the woman's curiosities would die out so Mira could get some peace and quiet for once. 

"We're setting the abbey on fire now?" Rain had been rushing like Hell to get to rehearsals until seeing the leisurely stroll from Mira with a panicked Papa. Sister Imperator would cause absolute chaos if things ran late due to the Ghouls but less so if Papa was the reason behind it. 

"Nobody is setting anything on fire-" Cardi groaned. Sometimes having to deal with Mira and Rain's antics were too much when the stress was building up. However Bellamira would argue on that considering she never started too many problems except for teasing the hell out of Cardi as a joke. 

"Sister Bellamira! Wait up-" Mira huffed while crossing her arms. How the hell did she find her at this hour? Usually most of the clergy was eating in the hall, indulging in sin or getting ready to sleep. Rain glanced back seeing Sister Evelyn rushing down the hall to reach the three of them, swerving around a few sister's who were raising an eyebrow in question. 

"Now is the perfect time to kill me-" Bellamira groaned internally before spinning around with a fake smile. As much as it killed her to be kind to this one, she had a reputation to uphold in the clergy. Not that it was a fake persona because Mira really did love the entire abbey but ones like this really just got under her skin. 

"How can I help you, Sister Evelyn?" Mira asked. She had reached her short of breath and fanning herself to cool down. An eyebrow was raised in question from all of them wondering how far this women had gone to hunt down Mira. 

"I was wondering if I could watch rehearsals tonight?" Sister Evelyn asked. The suggestion had most definitely been a long shot considering the clergy was only able to see performances during rituals and or mass. However that didn't seem to stop Sister Evelyn from trying. 

"Unfortunately Sister Imperator likes to keep those private, right Papa?" Bellamira was practically pleading with Cardi to agree except once turning to him, he had completely vanished. Rain was still standing next to her blankly staring at the sister questioning why her interests hadn't died down yet. 

"I was wondering if I could talk to Swiss but if I can't go in, do you mind passing him a message?" Sister Evelyn pouted. Rain grimaced at the sight not fully understanding what this women had thought up in her head. Did she not understand that Bellamira was clearly Swiss' mate? He had seemed to make it pretty obvious at the last mass but yet this girl just didn't give up. 

"And that would be?" Bellamira could feel her anger growing. This hadn't been the first time Evelyn had brought him up. It was smaller things at first like curious little questions about the ghouls but maintaining focus on him. No matter how many times Mira dodge them somehow it made her even more interested. Almost as if her mate had this mysterious aura around him-

"I know a lot of the other sisters have sinned with the others ghouls and I was wondering if he would with me?" Sister Evelyn asked. Rain couldn't help but laugh at the boldness that this women just displayed in front of Swiss' own mate. He turned to look at Bellamira who looked utterly shocked but also growing in irritation. 

"You do realize you're talking about my mate, Sister Evelyn? You really think he's going to fuck you when he has me?" Bellamira hissed. It didn't take long for the other women to grow bright red with embarrassment but the determination in her eyes didn't seem to die down by any means. Which further angered Mira, how can one women be stupid when it came to plain signals? 

"Maybe he'll get bored with you-" Sister Evelyn shrugged. Rain couldn't stop laughing at this point as Bellamira took a step forward and slapped the women across the face. Frankly, Mira was surprised with herself but it could've had to do with the fact Swiss had just mated with her or being in a fog due to his heat. Nobody had ever pissed her off as much as this women did and it had finally reached a breaking point. 

Passing clergy members had hands covering their mouths in pure shock and had already begun gossiping to each other. Rain had finally stopped laughing but was hunched over trying to catch his breath. Bellamira was staring the women down who was clutching onto her cheek in shock. The satisfaction of it all was enough for Mira to feel slightly better after the buildup of stress from when Evelyn would be popping up around every corner badgering her. 

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take care of my mate." Mira turned on her heel as Rain followed closely behind. Sister Evelyn huffed with tears threatening to spill down her cheeks before running off back to the dorms. Both of them glanced at each other chuckling at the situation. Granted it would earn a very stern talking to from Sister Imperator but the whole ordeal was too priceless. It didn't matter if it meant double the chores or even the worse of them because hopefully this meant Sister Evelyn learned a lesson. 

taglist:

@mellie-teh-goblin-queen

@chiggennuggie

@simply-alone-and-sublime

@synestheticbisexual

@sucharide

@babydonkeyfromshrek

@sodomiserswife

@beelze-bob

@yourbeautynevereverscaredme

@bitchimightbe

@bongwaterghoul

@gabrielasilent

@nightshade333

@gaymistakeboi

@lluxbrumalis

@sodbos

@honeylla

note:

I haven't written in forever I know but my life has been quite something lately and the last thing on my mind was writing. But I'm in a very good place right now and I hope to continue writing for y'all.

[red-dia]

It feels like the pacing for this arc and past arcs after the “Phos Goes to the Moon” arc starts to go faster and faster so there is a lot to be desired in between. It feels like the story goes from A to Z without putting in the other letters in between. I really wanted to see how the Gems would react to becoming Lunarians, because their fast acceptance was something I just can’t understand why it was so easy to undergo such a drastic transformation without any qualms. There were also interactions I wanted between some characters that did not happen or were written in an unsatisfying way that felt like the nuance in them just disappears.

I understand that time skips with the length of decades to centuries to millennia means that Gems can change drastically, especially in the setting of the Moon, where the Lunarian world allows the Gems to have more freedom to find themselves and find their own resolutions. Now I just have to hope and pray “The Party at the End” book added in with the special edition Vol 12 preorder will give me some answers and explanations. But part of me also is expecting mostly Cairnmea content in it per usual.

I dunno, part of me feels like Ichikawa is going through both burn out for this series and also wanting to move onto other projects aside from HNK, considering she works with Nintendo and is a character designer for Pokémon.

Agreed to a lot of this; the thing that bothers me the most is that there's so many characters that seem like they're set up to get some kind of development, and then the story kinda leaves it hanging, and for a while I had assumed there would be conflicts and resolutions and closure, but these issues dropped off the face of the earth....

The shift from the gems being hunted for sport for their entire existence only to be integrated among the lunarians, and nobody has hard feelings about it, everybody is happy to have left the earth where they've lived forever, everybody just kinda 👍 their way though it, fine we are lunarians now, okay we can restore dead gems because we changed our minds this is fine actually, whatever happened to Ghost and Lapis though, or whatever complex situation Rutile & Padparadscha had, or whatever are the ramifications of dusted gems coming back to life only to find almost everything they knew is gone and they have to live a new way of life without ever having asked for this :/

Not saying she shouldn't have done it at all, but the lack of extra time to introduce it made it feel pretty ooc to me. Especially given that "everybody has to die at some point" has been admitted as a plot point for a long time, so rushing it wasn't necessary at all. It also feels like there's a lot of missed opportunities...

That's not even mentioning things like the admirabilis, or earth stuff like the ice floes, but i'm still holding onto the hope there might be some more answers for that in the upcoming chapters. I'm also waiting to see if there's interesting stuff in the vol 12 booklet (though i'm not getting my hands on it, so i'm not sure if anything will be shared), but i'm not expecting much either though, but at least it might be fun!

+ regarding ichikawa being burned out, i'm not sure. I do think hnk is important to her because she put a lot of effort into it even when it's not necessary (cf artbooks, updated pages for manga releases, etc). If i had to guess, either she 1. happened to have a different vision of the story and she's fine with that, and/or decided on a deadline (ch108?) and eventually realized she was running late and had to scrap things/rush the story a bit and couldnt say everything she wanted to. The second option seems doesn't seem unlikely to me since hnk can only go so far with 20 pages per month, and she's trying to supplement it with additional material.

Either way yeah, i don't exactly know how hard hnk is on her since she takes hiatuses pretty liberally when she's working on other projects. A hiatus is still pretty different from a finished series though, so you may be onto something if she is trying to diversify her line of work...?

[doxiedreg]

I still have so much school trauma to work through and come to terms with. In general I accept what happened happened and I can't change the past. But on the other hand I'm so fucking angry at the system that failed me and even neurotypical kids. The educational system as it is now is not good. It's just test after test, essay after essay, constant deadlines, constant homework it's just not healthy. Learning should be fun. I loved learning new things as a kid, I was a hard worker. But then school just overworks you, just keeps demanding more eventhough you are at your limit. Even though your mental health is already shit because you are bullied like hell and nobody does something about it. Already shit because you don't have any close friends because you don't even know what to do anymore together with other people your age because you aren't really interested in most teenager stuff. Already shit because you are constantly suffering sensory overload from out of control loud classes, crowded hallways, people invading your personal space and purposeful scaring you by popping lunchbags and drink cartons. Some teachers are just 0 fun to listen to and make the subject they are teaching the most boring thing ever. Dreading whenever it's someone's birthday because it means there will be balloons everywhere which you are terrified of. Having to explain to teachers over and over why you can't do certain assignments or why you need more time. Physical education being the most shitty thing ever as I can never keep up with the others and it makes me feel pathetic. Also the exercises are often not fun for me at all. Just.. school did so much damage to me.. they denied for a very long time just how stressed I was because I still had good grades and behaved in class. My parents kept telling them how stressed I appeared at home. That my hair was falling out, that I was trembling that I didn't want to eat that I was struggling. But they just shoved the concerns away. It wasn't until I had a panic attack in class at school that they assigned someone to me to help me. But it was too little too late. I started going home early because I was just too mentally unwell. They started to question this as me slacking off because I was lazy or something even though I was grossly overworked. In the end I became suicidal and extremely depressed and stressed and hit rock bottom and stayed home. At first this was meant to be temporary but in the end I just dropped out because I couldn't take it anymore. It was a very dark time..and it took a lot of therapy and time to crawl out of it...school had destroyed my self image. I thought of myself as stupid and lazy and not good enough, never good enough no matter how hard I tried. I wondered if my classmates missed me, it they even noticed I wasn't around anymore. I never got closure on that. But luckily I made a new support system for myself online. There were some toxic friends in there at first but it's been a few years now that I've kicked them all out and I feel loved and cared about and seen. In may this year it will also be a year that I've lived on my own, in my own studio apartment without housemates and it also did wonders for me. I mean it's also been tough and brought new stressful things to deal with but I like being in control over my environment..I hope to get a dog in the future to help me with emotional stability (I miss having a dog on my lap and petting them the most I'm so touch starved but I'm not fond of touching people) and getting out more but I'm not ready yet. For now I have my lil fish guys and snail guys to look after and that's already nice

Anyway.. sorry for rambling..I just had to let that all out, it was building up too much. Ever since the sun started shining I feel like my brain is processing so much stuff in the bg i guess the book post triggered some of it to come outward

To my friends: even if we don't talk much, I love you all so much and I'm so happy to have you all in my life. You make me feel loved, appreciated and supported. You make me feel seen. I am so grateful to have a loving support system, even if I'm a lil shy to reach out sometimes still.

Just you guys are all great, remember that

[dethkomic]

Writin’ Comics and Junk: Part 2 - Let's Break Down a Story!

Welcome, my favorite goofballs, to another edition of Dethkomic talks way too damn much about how to write and stuff.

Before we begin --

Next update to Dethkomic will hit the internets on Friday, March 17th. It'll be another 6-page update to wrap-up this chapter and issue #5 will officially be in the books!

Okay... now onto our really big show!

We're going to get into the meat of how I actually compose the scripts for Dethkomic, this time. I think it might be easiest if I did a sort of "deconstruction" on the first Dethkomic. Therefore, if you are reading this and happen to not have finished Dethkomic I and do not wish to be spoiled -- I suggest coming back after you're through with it. :)

Everyone good? Okay then! First thing's first -- How did I get the idea for Dethkomic's first... dethkomic?

The simple answer is, I cheated and used an old fanfic I wrote. The longer answer is, I wanted to have a story I could point people to, if they wanted to be introduced to my characters. I wanted it to be heavy on the action and drama (because these are the types of stories I like to read, myself. See last entry). I wanted it to establish the relationships between my characters and the canon cast (duh. It's fanfiction). And lastly but perhaps most importantly, I wanted it to establish an interesting world I could add on to with other stories, as the mood struck, while simultaneously being *enough* of a story on its own if I never ended up doing that.

The long and short of it is, I wanted to do Dethkomic to be a hobby story. No cares about hitting a deadline. No worries about profiting from it. No real reason to give a hoot if nobody liked it, actually. I was writing for me.

And here we are..!

Part 1: Roughing Out an Idea

Once you've got a general idea of the type of story you're writing, roughing out the plot is kinda like sculpting. You start with a big brick of clay and you start manhandling it into shape.

To start a script, I like to plot out beats. They start extremely vague but get tighter as I go on. If I worked from the very beginning of Dethkomic I, my first beats might look something like this:

[We need to introduce Baen-Shee] [There is some kind of conflict] [The conflict is resolved]

Intense, right? Granted, my first pass was a little more detailed than this... but honestly, not by much. This is really all the more my brain knew about this story, at its conception. For me, just getting the parts that absolutely have to get done down on paper, helps me stay organized. It doesn't matter how blurry they are. Feel free to put your beats down in whatever fashion makes the most sense to you -- all that matters is that you and your brain are not getting paralyzed by the fear of losing your train of thought when you look at your beats. They are there to keep shit together, not tear it apart.

Though it wasn't much, it *was* a place to start, and having a structure, even in the most basic sense, kept my mind free to wander. Eventually, the beats branched out:

[Dethklok needs a reason to associate with Baen-Shee] [We establish new and old relationships between characters] [Stuff needs to feel pretty normal, here. Nothing weird.] [We find out Baen-Shee are more than just musicians] [Maybe the Tribunal is in on this?] [We get to show their real talents during the conflict] [Relationships are re-established as the conflict ends]

So now things are starting to feel like they could actually become a story. Notice how the conflict still isn't established? Don't get caught up if you don't have one in the very early stages. I see so much writing advice about "figure out conflict first" and yeah, you absolutely should have *something* going down, eventually... but details can remain vague until you get excited about what that is.

Worth noting too, since not everyone reading this is bound to be thinking in terms of Lit Class 101: the term "conflict" in this sense, doesn't mean "a fight" or something similar. With the beats above, the conflict could have been the epic battle we ended up getting or it could have been the bands shopping for matching shoes (and nobody can agree on a style). Seriously.

Part 2: The Detail Work

Remember that stuff I said last time about character arcs? Now's as good a time as any to start introducing things like that. In Volume 1 of Dethkomic, Nita's arc was your basic "the normal one turns out to have super powers" thing. So when I get to a point in the script where I want to play on that (and I should be trying to at least think about it a little bit, each time Nita appears) I can write it out. Take the scene where the Tribunal reviews each of the girls as an example:

[We get a panel each, introducing each member of Baen-Shee. Each panel should go over a bit of their less-savory pasts.] [Except Nita. Nita's a sweetheart.]

That will be enough for me to remeber that this is an establishing point for Nita's character. I can write it however I want -- the important thing is that we get the sense that nobody suspects Nita is anything but a normal musician.

The point of doing things in this way is again, to simply vomit your ideas onto paper for a while, jotting down what you absolutely want to have happen, and letting it stew until that sweet point of contention finds its way into your brain. You'd be surprised how nice it is to have all your thoughts collected so you can freely read them. I find with the jumbled mess my brain is prone to becoming at any given time, reading things in sequence often gives me just enough lead-in to know where to turn, next.

At this point, you might be the type of writer who will plot the whole of the story from beginning to end with enough detail to know what you're writing, down to the last bit of dialogue.

I am not this type of writer.

I tackle what I see in my head, first, so the things I know I really want to work on can help shape the stuff I haven't figured out, yet. I don't have the originals, but the first pages of script for Dethkomic I looked very similar to this:

[Chapter 1 - Part 1] [Nita is at a desk, filling out paperwork. She notes how much there is] [Charles says some reassuring things to keep her from fretting too much about the accidental death clauses in the contracts]

[Dinosaur interlude - introduce when the comic takes place] [Big establishing shot of Mordhaus]

[Charles calls a meeting. All of Dethklok present. Establishing shot in the meeting room. Charles' dialogue: "Gentlemen. I just got off the phone with Crystal Mountain Records and got some rather surprising news. We're blowing away every one of our quarterly goals except in one demographic. There's going to be some changes around here in the coming days." Nobody is impressed.] [Charles needs to do his best to convince the gang things are in a dire state and in order to do this, he employs the usual visual aids. Maybe the remote for the TV has spikes on it.]

[Part 2]

We need to meet Baen-Shee

[Part 3]

Something happens

Notice that some of the pages are more "put together" than others. The last fully fleshed out page of part one (page 3) even includes dialogue -- but I haven't figured out what happens at all in Parts 2 and 3. It changes, depending on how much stuff I'm trying to keep track of, and how important the details are, but this is basically all the more there is to a Dethkomic script before I start making thumbnails of the page art. It covers what I have to be showing at that point, any important dialogue I figured out (usually, I leave the dialogue until after I've done the art unless someone has to say something that establishes an important point), and any other pertinent information. Eventually, notes like "We need to meet Baen-Shee" get replaced by page-specific beats that are way more detailed.

And that's it. What you see in the example above is all I need to start drawing. As I go on, things will come to me or ideas will change which might shift the story a bit, but I tend to write out as much as I can, ahead of time. It's cool if stuff changes because I have everything I need to accomplish ahead of me in my notes, so I'm once again just whittling away at that same clay block. That said, I have a few pointers for you as you write your beats...

Part 3: Pointers

Let's start with one I will not shut up about and you've already heard me say a thousand times by now...

Get the things down you're likely to forget.

This is why it's important to always have access to a notebook or an app on your phone for writing shit down. There's stuff I look forward to writing and it's unlikely I'll ever forget to write it (and yeah -- I'll jot those ideas down, too...) Meanwhile, there's stuff I think up in passing. My brain will say "Oh holy shit. There's that connection I was looking for when I need X to do Y." Or maybe it's "Oh holy shit. There's a plothole here if I don't explain Z." And you know what happens if I don't write stuff like this down? Poof. It's gone by the time I get to it.

For every cool idea, there are a million points of connection, and disconnect, and plothole patching that come into my head as there are big scenes. Write them down so they exist somewhere and you can feel secure as you concentrate on the cool stuff. And speaking of the cool stuff...

Use your good ideas ASAP.

I know you don't want to "run out" of these... but you'll have more good ideas. Promise. Keep yourself motivated by using the ideas that excite you about your story right now if possible.

Let's say you can't wait to reveal that Character A is Character B's father but there's 15 chapters between what you're writing now and that point in the story. If it's not a major turning point (those are different), consider throwing it in now, homeslice. Or maybe hint at it if it is meant to be kept as a big reveal. Why are you writing, again? To have fun? Take every opportunity you can get to go have fun, then. The more you care, the more your audience will care. And it beats slogging through a story until you get to that magical point you've been waiting for, only to have your readers turn disinterested because there just didn't seem to be as much going on through those chapters as there was during the fun parts... that is, if you yourself can even stay interested long enough to get to that point.

Start to look for themes.

Once you get to the point in your story where you have begun to figure out the details of each individual scene, you might start looking for a running theme through your tale. You don't have to have them, but they're nice little bonuses for the people paying attention.

I didn't do a ton of work with theme in Dethkomic I, but I do a hell of a lot with it in Dethkomic II. A lot of the same themes exist in both stories. See if you can spot them:

The things that count as "family"

What makes someone "a hero"

Angels and demons

Individual power versus collective harmony, Corruption versus innocence, Life and death, etc.

Accepting a greater destiny beyond "normal life"

As always, I'm sure I'm forgetting some. A lot of these themes are universal while some of them seem to only follow a certain character or characters around. Their part in the story could be totally muted and no damage to the plot would be done since they don't exist for any purpose beyond giving attentive readers the occasional "holy shit, this again!" feeling. But boy is that a fun thing to impart to your audience as a writer. I highly recommend starting to play with metaphors in your stuff, if you haven't before.

On plot holes and other scary things...

As I said -- sometimes you'll make one of these roadblocks and if you're not careful to patch it, it might ruin your good time. The easiest way to work this out is to re-read your whole script from beginning to end, occasionally. If you're the crazy writer who is plotting the whole thing out early on, then you have a duty to go in and fix things as soon as you spot them.

If you're like me and are doing a bit more of the "writing as you go", then your job is to read what you have up to the point that you have it written, and see if there's anything keeping you from connecting what you have to the way it ends.

Look for things like missing character motivation, "magical fixes" (stuff that is too much of a stretch to allow for believability), time travel (how did they get here and/or what time was it when this happened versus what came before and after), etc. And above all else, remember this:

Most plot holes aren't a big deal, and the ones that are might just be stories that haven't been told, yet.

That's it for this edition of writin' with dethkomic, I spoze! So far, the advice I've been giving here has been pretty universal as it pertains to writing just about anything... But next time, we'll dive further into the plot and begin doing the other half of the work that comes specifically with working in a visual media. I am of course, talking about the art!

See you in a little over a week, pals!

[scary-senpai]

For the fanfic ask game...I can't actually decide. XD How about any two of your choice?

Ahh! Thank you so much bestie <3 I really appreciate you dropping an ask. I did not get to this on Tuesday because brain melt (!), but seeing you in my notifications made me smile <3<4

You also get a third bonus question because You Are Great.

(link to fanfic ask game is here--feel free to drop a note! asks are my love language)

C: What character do you identify with most?

Garou. I've always gravitated towards overtly angry, troublesome male characters and I've recently come to suspect it has something to do with gender: growing up, I felt a lot of anger/frustration/confusion over my identity (not my gender identity, necessarily, but more like How to Human as an Autistic person). To navigate this, I over-corrected by confirming to whatever my idea of femininity was, in the worst possible way. (I guess I would say I'm a cis-female but I've never really cared that much).

Since I spent a lot of my adolescence trying to make myself smaller and weaker (because that's how I thought girls/women were supposed to be), I suspect if I had been AMAB I would have focused on becoming bigger and stronger.

In any case, I understand the quiet desperation of exercising until you pass out because of that lingering sensation of not-enoughness.

I also talked a bit about spending seven years with a toxic mentor that was frustratingly competent about a bunch of stuff (but just... horribly misguided when it came to personal relationships), and when I use one of the techniques he taught me (whatever Fist of Flowing Water Crushed Rock is, but for emotions), I inevitably flash back to that scene with Garou and the Tank-Top Gang ("I hate using this because it reminds me of him--").

Anyway, after that I left that job I went to touch grass/do something completely different (work in a yoga studio) because I just needed to... scrub toilets and fold a bunch of towels and untangle all the things I'd learned that were (in a sense) true, versus the concepts I wanted to embody and believe in and manifest. Additionally, my experience working there also informs some of the scenes I write with Garou in the dojo (mostly him griping about how nobody seems to take chores as seriously as he does, or how he keeps finding other people's underwear in weird places with literally no logical explanation for why that might be).

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

A thousand times, possibly a billion.

Just kidding, but it feels like too many. (The first chapter of Collateral Damage took me like eight months...I probably should have put it on ice for a bit, honestly)

Fic was my way of learning to write again, and I've never written any longform fiction, so multi-chapter fic in particular have been an experiment in how my brain works, and the tools I need to efficiently craft a story. If there are multiple layers to a scene, I don't always have the mental processing power to work out each aspect at once (what the character's say vs. what they mean, what they do / how they do it / what this indicates about them, plus any undercurrents of narrative tension or symbolism or whatever). So that's been a whole thing. I think I'm getting better at it, though. Flumptober Sexy Chess scene had a lot going on (and completely derailed all my deadlines), but knowing that I can labor on a beloved chapter for weeks instead of months was... a milestone, honestly.

"Kill your darlings before they kill you" is my new mantra, and unfortunately I had to learn that the hard way.

U: Share three of your favourite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@beileil, you're one of my favorite authors because of the way you blend so many things: humor, plot (specifically mystery), characterization and lovely prose. Even in an AU, the characters are very much themselves but they're also new and unique. One of my bad writing habits is that I will sometimes skip over description if it doesn't really speak to me, but with your stories I hang on every word--I remember reading the Hero Detective Agency and feeling completely emerged in that universe from the beginning.

@sharuruwrites, I think you are excellent at putting characters in Situations. I like how you manage to zoom in on some of the grittier aspects of characters (like how bloodthirsty Toji and Sukuna can be, or how Gojo is So Very Immature and Extra) and, without glossing them over, somehow make these traits more endearing (or at least understandable/relatable). I feel like every scene and small detail moves towards some sort of purpose, and if I blink, I'll miss something.

I guess my third favorite fic writer is my brother. I wonder if he remembers that we used to write silly stories about Mario sometimes (I was 12 or 13 which means he was 9 or 10, so I was probably typing while he was dictating). I am both insatiably curious and afraid to ask. In any case, he's still a hilarious storytelling and I hope to write more (original) things with him some day.

[inkedtae]

Hello Bee, I came here to VENT! Or otherwise, I will lash out my anger at someone or cry myself for weeks. SO, I have been interning at a cancer research laboratory as a 3rd-year student without getting whatsoever for NINE MONTHS. I could be paid at the beginning, but my professor made a stupid mistake and missed the grant deadline, so I was not paid. He said a forced out sorry and never talked about it ever again. I said it will be fine and decided to do a voluntary internship even though I needed the money. I budgeted the hell out and let my parent cover most of my expenses which I HATE! AND when he had the chance to find me a sponsor, he choose to pay another intern, whom he thought was more "hard-working". Professor talked about how great he was to his colleages during lunch break, he kept mentioning that that intern was the best. That intern came to the hospital for like 3 DAYS, and we never saw him again. He was being paid even though he did ZERO work, and I did fucking everything: every fucking experiment!!! I did fucking paperwork even though I didn't have to. I did the cleaning, I called the doctors, and insurance people, and I called the fucking FedEx when one of our kits was lost. I took the bus and the train to get our package from across the city so that we could move on with the experiments quickly. I FUCKing did dishes for people!!! I walked between blocks for thousands of times to make sure our samples were taken care of. I stayed at the lab overnight to make sure every thing ran smoothly. I re-did a month of work when one our facilities had a major incident where all of our samples were ruined. I did all of these because I loved our research, and I wanted my professor to see I was hardworking too. AND he fuuuckiing saw it every day that I put in effort that even he didn't. So I expected that I would get the next grant. Unfortunately, I didn't. This time it was nobody's fault—fine— but at least SOMEONE could apologise and thank me. Not surprisingly, all I got was "it is not my fault this time". Our project lasted around 10 months, which I was a part of for 9 months of it without getting zero money. This month—19 fucking days—, I had some serious medical issues, so I had to work from home. A few days ago, my professor said he submitted our research paper to fairly good journal. I thought I was finally getting my prize. I wasn't paid money, but a research article that has my name would be awesome. HAH! He said that there was a limit to number of author he could submit. He had to give priorities to some people, and my name wasn't on the paper…. I am utterly hurt, I feel so betrayed and stupid. I feel used. This research was everything I wanted to do and now I seriously want to drop out. The worse thing is I am bounded to this laboratory more than ever because I have to write my dissertation to graduate. I absolutely despise everything and I don't want to do anything. Sooo :)))):):):):):):)::).)) So my plan is to binge read RAC and hope that my sweet Taedaddy could fuck this stress out of my body with his 9inch cock.

Hi Anon!

First, I want to thank you for opening up and ranting about this. You are welcome to do so anytime! I’m happy to be here for you! I am also just so so sorry. I am fuming right now! I don’t even know what to say— like I reread this four times and I’m still in complete confusion and shock. I mean I totally understand and believe it all considering I too am a poc and a woman and have been cheated out of opportunities too but I have never experienced something so fucking frustrating, heartbreaking and disappointing. This just breaks my heart.

There must be something we can do. Have you tried talking to the head of your department about this and explaining everything? You deserve the recognition at the very least! I understand they have their processes with the whole grant stuff and there might not be any leeway there but to not even credit you? You have sacrificed so much and put all your time and effort into this project. And it’s so obvious that he was discriminating against you because you’re a poc woman, like there has to be someone we can talk to about this.

I don’t want to pressure you or force you into a situation you don’t want to be in. Trust me, I know how hard it can be to try to stand up for yourself because some racist white man is conning you out of everything you’ve worked for, granted you are far more dedicated to your work than I was and I am in no way try to take from that. I just know that the process of doing what’s right by you can be difficult. At times, I have regretted saying anything and bringing stuff like this to someone’s attention but girl you literally put your blood sweat and tears into this. You deserve to be paid and you deserve to have your name on there. He clearly has a pattern and habit of negligence when it comes to poc women since he MISSED YOUR DEADLINE (which omg I’m literally about to strangle that man) and then proceeded to direct all recognition and attention and opportunities to a man who was not as dedicated or experienced as you are. How is he gonna chest you out of your money, make you work insanely hard and then get another man there who only shows up three times and praises him for it like what the actual fuck. Clearly he has poor judgement of character and should not be in a position where he can abuse his power. You deserve your justice and I’m so sorry there’s nothing I can do to help you. All I can do is be here for you and suggest you try to talk to someone about this. At the very least it will be on record that he has a history of doing this and karma will do the rest. And you never know, if he’s doing this to you, he maybe did it to others and this might be the last straw and he’ll get fired! Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.

You know what? Gimme his name! I’ll take care of this for you! 😐🔪

[risingshards]

I've been like considering it for a while, but over the weekend I was really like "OK I think a character of mine is trans and I have to deal with that now cuz I have a like. Self-discovery LGBT talk episode going rn so if they're trans........it should probably come up here if it hasn't come up anywhere else yet.

There are also some other trans characters showing up imminently so it hit me like "If I don't talk about this soon it's gonna be really weird if they meet trans characters and don't say anything." With such a short deadline, it's scary to have to put something like this in on relatively notice, but I feel like if I have longer time, I'll get wishy washy and not say anything and dilute the impact. Though it's something I've been thinking about for a while so it's more like the realization - decision - implementing the decision - releasing chapters with the decision pipeline is just a bit lopsided here.

So I spent a long while revising part of it and I think...it feels a lot better this way and I'm so excited to have more of it moving forward. I've confided in two people I trust about it and their responses were "TRANS [character] IS CANON THO" and "I didn't consider that but it's canon to me now" which makes me feel initially excited.

I have gotten comments on them like "[character] is a trans girl confirmed" before so I hope it doesn't come out of left field but I'm a mix of big nervous...terrified really, ugh I hope nobody's mean about it and I hope the way I'm doing it is right. But like even bigger excited about this because it fits her so well I think. I'm bringing it up fairly far into the story, but I don't think I've done a lot/anything to like deny it prior to this? I'm thinking in universe gender exploration is in a better place than it is here and my characters are all really supportive/mostly LGBT anyways so it wouldn't be a big deal to anyone.

This is me nervously rambling I know but I'm getting such an excited euphoria for this, like a bonus egg crack just for a character of mine hahaha. I'm terrified and hoep I'm not rushing this while also hoping it's not too late to bring this up...but I'm so friggin giddy for this character to have another layer to her that she gets to share. 💖🏳️‍⚧️💖🏳️‍⚧️

—Chiral

[dasklaus]

I love my master's program ("philosophy - neuroscience - cognition") very much. It's fun, it's interesting, I'm learning most of the things I want to, and it's small and tight-knit (only one other person starting the program with me this year), I met so many people that all remember my name because we can all expect to run into each other again. But there's also some weirdness that I expect comes from the fact it's a very new program (existing for ten years or so?) at a very new university (thirty years or so) and interdisciplinary (with courses at three different institutes, with different procedures and deadlines and, of course, scheduling conflicts).

I am taking, among other things:

Project Cognitive Neuroscience - this is a weird name for an intro to programming, but that's what it is. Taught in two groups, one learning Python, the other MATLAB. In a follow-up class that I can take next semester, I could then use these skills to work on an actual small empirical study, utilizing data from surveys, fMRI, eye trackers or possibly other tools. I do want to dip my toes into empirical science, but with five years of job experience in software development, it's pretty boring (though the teacher is sympathetic). It's a pretty slow class as most of the other students (mostly neuroscience students) have never written a single line of code in their life.

Computational Neuroscience - this is a lecture plus exercises. The lecture covers neuroscience, the exercises are calculating the stuff the lectures talk about with MATLAB. In contrast, at least one course of MATLAB and also a bunch of math is presumed here. I take this together with the upper semesters of bachelor students, but for me it's an orientation class to bring me up to speed, as my BA is in philosophy. It took me six hours to get MATLAB installed and running because afaict it's really buggy on linux, I'm the only linux user in class, and as it's a class for higher semesters nobody bothered to walk us through the installation and setup.

This is a weird pair of classes in that the course I'm supposed to be taking for "orientation" is much harder than the "advanced" one (though not really hard for me, once I finished the setup - but my one fellow first-semester classmate is freaking out, a bit).

Introduction to Nervous Systems - this is wonderful and the lecturer is amazing. It's a bit slow but never boring, and really drives home important concepts, explaining the basics in a way that makes you really understand. It's another orientation class and we take it together with the first-semester bachelor students.

Fundamentals of Cognitive Neuroscience: Perception - super interesting, but I had to drop it after the first week. It'd be my fourth consecutive class on Thursday, and we take it together with psychology and neuroscience students. The lecturer made clear that he expects the knowledge base of a biology degree, and also starts classes by letting a random person summarize the day's reading for twenty minutes. Most people fail this class on first try, and there is no interest whatsoever even acknowledge participants from my program. I'll leave this one for later semesters.

Basically, there's absolutely no consistency in what a course's prerequisites are, at which level it's taught and what the teacher's expectations are.

Another thing that threw me is that the philosophy courses are very stingy with credit points. To finish in time, I'd have to write three to four term papers every semester, along with essays, presentations, protocols. I don't know what's normal but the one time I wrote two consecutively I was going a bit crazy. Four is unthinkable - I need at least two weeks of warming up to a topic and then two weeks of intense focus for research and writing (this is pretty much independent of the number of pages to write). Unsurprisingly, I've heard that basically nobody finishes within two years.

Still, I'm starting out with an ambitious schedule and will see whether I need to drop anything else later on. Socially, I'm already much better connected as I ever was in my home town. I think it's because the program is so small, and especially the first semester bachelors are looking up to me for my previous studying experience, and my non-studying experience makes me automatically cool and wise, it seems.