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boyfrillish · 1 year

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your works have me curious, what else do ya headcanon for our boy victor? :o (and other chars too! i'm just esp interested in how you filled out his blank slate)

Ohh this is a good one. Since I only played Sword for the first time starting in January, I'm still very much in my formative phase for headcanons and stuff. For most of the characters I can't even say I consciously headcanoned yet, even with all my thinking about everyone and saying "the whole of swsh is my blorbo" (admittedly with most of my focus on Victor and Hop because they're my number one favourites and OTP lol so there are definitely also ship headcanons in here, hope you don't mind! ^^"). I'll put it under a readmore since it kinda got a bit long ^^"

So here's my personal "fixed"/"core" headcanons for Victor when it comes to my own stuff:

he's transmasc and gay (this one was probably obvious since I've made on-text trans references in all but like, two fanfics haha)

he's the one who becomes Champion and is chosen by Zacian

Corviknight, Sylveon, Obstagoon and Toxtricity (evolved from the babby Toxel you get as a gift at the daycare) on the team

Fairy type association

He and Hop won the inaugural Galarian Star Tournament together and are the dream team everyone wants to battle but knows will be tough to beat (Hop calling them "Postwick dream team" is a canon thing, so!)

a short king

Now for personality and other random things? I'm open for so many things lol I did start out (even before I played) with the timid/soft-spoken/shy headcanon and I'm still so very fond of him being timid initially (and that's why Sobble as a starter + the Isle of Armor Kubfu are a perfect fit lol) — whether it's only when he's younger or still at the start of the game but growing confident once he gets his starter from Leon and finds he's pretty good at battling (the fact that he got it as a gift from Leon aka the Champion he admires + big bro of his best friend when Leon met him for the first time combined with Leon just being such a sweet and encouraging dude probably helped with that)

But yeah I'm open for many other headcanons/portrayals in that regard lol cool and confident? bless all the fanart. Easily flustered? sweet. On the oblivious side? heck yes. Sunshine boy? Absolutely, he is a whole sunshine boy 10000000000000%! Just give me all the positive Victor content and I'll probably soak it up happily and cry and have it fuel me lmao thank you for my life.

As for his starter, god I simply cannot decide. I picked Grookey in my game (I really wanted Sobble but joked I was obligated to pick Scorbunny because I like football and then GMax Rillaboom came and said "hi" lol) but as mentioned above I'm so fond of Victor with Sobble. But Scorbunny is also a perfect fit so I've just been rotating around for a bit between my fics (though I think I've yet to actually write him with Scorbunny???). Maybe one of these days I can make up my mind for both him and Hop which starter they choose ^^" in any case: I also live for the whole "they gift each other eggs of their starters and some of their 'mons are partners" thing so there's that (in fact it might've been easy to guess that in my world of things their Corviknight are a partners for sure)

Speaking of Hop, it's my headcanon that Victor has a crush on him pretty much since they're kids/since they first met, and is very much aware of it being a crush that just never leaves and his feelings grow stronger as they grow up. Meanwhile Hop also has a crush all along but is a bit oblivious about how to interpret his own feelings until along on the main story (Leon, meanwhile, guesses pretty easily that his little bro has a giant crush on that friend he keeps talking about all the time and lightly teases him for it, cue denial lol). So much potential for both fluff and a dash of angst... mmmm. By the post-credits story lines Hop definitely had that "Oh." moment and then is even more loud about his crush.

Based on me associating Victor with the fairy type, I have the silly little headcanon that at first he just thinks Bede is kinda funny, then it gets personal when Bede very largely contributes to Hop's mid-story crisis, and then Opal rejects him as a successor candidate only to later scout/adopt Bede in front of him. Cue him solo-ing battles against him with just his Corviknight (ok I admit this last part is also based on how it goes in my game lmao Bede is far too easy to beat... both as an opponent and if I team up with him)

Recently I've really been into the idea that Victor is asked to take over the Flying type Gym a couple of years after becoming Champion and then he's both Champion and also becomes strongest ranked Gym Leader (this is me guessing that since Gym Leaders can win the Championship, it's possible to be a parallel thing/Champions in general have a side thing they're doing rather than just being fulltime Champ, idk lol also, he totally beats Mustard's record for a reigning streak). His ace as a Gym Leader is Corviknight! (because what else would you expect from me, I adore Corviknight hahaha)

Now for "where's his family from" I am not sure if I have a "proper" headcanon yet. I've seen the headcanon that the protagonist's family is from Sinnoh and I like that hc, so I adopted that for the meet-cute drabble I wrote earlier this week but with a spin where I kinda combined it with some inspo from Elio|Selene (i.e. Dad's still working in Sinnoh/often away for work + combined with the headcanon I've seen for Elio|Selene's mom that she does have an Alolan background. unrelated sidenote, I'm really fond of the Alola protags' mom lol she's sweet). So basically like with all these other things I'm just having fun playing around with different possibilities at this point!

I'm also so very fond of flower boi Victor and it's one of my headcanons that he loves exploring and really loved the Crown Tundra adventures (and didn't mind that Sonia asked him to do all the work finding the Swords of Justice + was happy about the praise). He really enjoys tagging along with Hop and/or Sonia for fieldwork, and the two make it a habit to invite him along since they value his input and also want to make sure he gets breaks to destress from everything that comes along with being the reigning Champion, especially as the one who caught Eternatus + gained the title when he beat Leon. Especially Hop invites him along since that also doubles as more time together when they're both often busy with their career paths. Also on that note, Leon and Sonia being Victor and Hop's mentor figures just makes me so soft 🥺 the Leon being Victor's mentor doubly so with the headcanon that Leon is transmasc too (which unlike transmasc Victor I can't say is a "fixed" hc yet but I'm very fond of the idea)

(also, while I'm now all on the "Victor is a total career Champ/Gym Leader and thriving" train at this point, I still live for the type of angst where he gets a little bit of selfdoubt crisis — in the early years somewhat more subtle and like a case of stagefright like in my drabble "Believe", then a bit more into the future it's like "oh god what do I even do when I inevitably lose the Championship, can I even continue as a Gym Leader if I lose my title, this is kind of all I have going for me what do I do" but he gets through it since he has such a supportive network of loved ones and friends. Also another tangent here, I also love the idea of Victor as a (part-time) model so lol he definitely has a lot more than just a fulltime battle career)

He likes hanging out in Spikemuth with Marnie, Piers, and Team Yell, and especially Obstagoon and Toxtricity really have fun when they do. On a related note, I like the idea that Team Yell kind of become Victor stans too because Marnie thinks highly of him, so they cheer for him together with her (whenever she's not the one battling him in a match, obviously lol)

I've already rambled so much about various aspects I could think of ahaha so now since I've already talked about Hop + this is a trainshipping zone, I'll add some of my "core" headcanons for him!

is gay (or not clearly labeled but definitely likes boys. this is coming from someone who's very "???" about labels re: my own orientation but definitely is a boy-liker lol so please excuse the bit of vaguess here despite listing it in my core hcs hahaha)

chosen by Zamazenta (easy to guess when Vic is chosen by Zacian)

he's so supportive of Victor's transition, regardless of whether or not Leon is also trans, but it's a bonus when he already grew up with a trans big bro and then his best friend/crush is trans too and that's his two most favourite people in the world so of course he'll do anything to be supportive

fighting type association

he grows tall like Leon

He'd often ramble to Victor about what he's studying and Victor is always happy to listen and loves when he's so excited, so it basically turns into Victor helping him study. Also, they both make sure the other gets enough rest and destresses, already through their teens but especially when they're both grown up and Victor is still Champion (+ a Gym Leader) while Hop is now a fully fledged Professor. Even way into the future it remains a Thing that Hop excitedly rambles about his research or rants when he's stuck on something, and Victor is happy to listen and try to help him get unstuck (and Hop gives him a big smooch in thanks even if all Vic did was just listen and ask questions to hear more).

Most random thing but I so love the idea of either (or both) of them having freckles and same for glasses... bless all the fanarts with glasses for either of them. And while I also love fanart of Prof Hop wearing a more formal look, it's my wholehearted believe that he'll still wear the signature trackies look just with a labcoat now (and — you guessed it — Vic hogs his jackets. Nevermind that he has all the hoodies and fancy jackets and everything, the boyfriend jacket is so much comfier than anything else).

And I'm going to end this looooong ramble to mention that I've been developing fankids for them too! I already talked about them over on twitter and I'll probably talk about them here eventually too haha

Thank you so much for sending this ask, I was "!!!" when I saw it last night and couldn't help myself from rambling on forever lol. I kept the focus exclusively on Victor featuring Hop & them as a couple since they're my main focus so I have a lot more concrete thoughts about them than for any of the other characters (or ships bc I don't quite actively have side ships). But maybe I'll talk a little about others at another opportunity haha.

#frillishtxt #boyfrillish writing tag #hopvic #I still dunno how to tag headcanons/scenarios and stuff so my apologies to anyone who might look at my writing tag for my fics in one place #only to also find multiple more rambly posts like this without proper eloquence/isn't fanfic adgsddgsdg maybe another time I figure sth out #and filing under hopvic since there's ship headcanons here too bc them being in love & happy together is a very fixed core for me lolol #thank you so much again!! I really appreciate your comments and the asks you've sent so far. thank you for the opportunity to ramble lol #also thank you for dealing with the various sidenotes/tangents up there hahaha good old adhd/neurodivergent brain #and again hope you don't mind that there's a lot of ship headcanons here ^^" got way too excited and sat on this for like 2+ hours

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wandaxpietro · 8 months

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How different would Pietro/Quicksilver and Wanda/Scarlet Witch be if they were like... born into a different sex(????) (Wait let me properly explain-)

Alright, since there are multiple universes or 'multiverse', there's definitely a universe where Pietro-was-born-a-girl and Wanda-was-born-a-boy.

So how different would Male!Scarlet Witch and Fem!Quicksilver be from their universe counterparts? What names do they go by? Would they still go by "Scarlet Witch" and "Quicksilver"? What physical and personality traits do/don't have in common with their main counterparts? What would be their dynamic or their relationship be like? What would be their view(s) on the world or everyone around them? etc etc

This is such a long-ass question/s and i'm sorry cuz I know this is gonna be a pain answering (if this'll ever get answered at all) but i wanna see if anyone else thought of this cuz this has been on m mind for weEKS- and btw! I am so sorry if this ask sounds "anti-trans" or "pro-cis" (eughh) this is not my intention, I genuinely just wanted to share this idea and wanted to see how other ppl take their views on the maximoffs

ok so first of all there's actually a canon universe where they're genderswapped (and magneto is also genderswapped) but i forgot which universe that is lmfao. i quite like its quicksilver design -- as in, it's pretty much unchanged, she's just a woman but she still has short hair and the same uniform style etc -- but i'm not too fond of its scarlet warlock (< i'm pretty sure that's what he's called? which is also a stupid name lol) design. it keeps wanda's long hair & general costume, from what i remember, but it adds a beard and chest hair and he's also super bulky (also from what i remember) which doesn't seem very fitting to me.

second of all, i've actually been thinking about this recently, too (for fic related reasons), but only about fem!pietro lmfao!

so, let's get my thoughts:

one thing i have a problem with with genderbends is names, actually, so it's funny you'd ask. there's no fun in me to "switch" the names around to similar sounding names of the opposite gender, it's weird to me, i just want the character name to stay intact, you know? i can deal with it sometimes, but that's only rarely. which is why i don't think about genderbends as much as perhaps i'd usually do, and if the name works as a genderbend still, then i just keep it. for my hypothetical fem!pietro exploration i honestly would just keep pietro. why does she have a boy name? who knows. who cares. lol. if you'd ~really~ want to change their names, the first ones that would come to my mind are petra and walter but i don't like those. not for them. i just don't! (though petra is better i guess. walter is pretty bad. sorry to anyone named walter i'm sure it fits you it just does not fit wanda).

as for code names, i think quicksilver works. i don't think she'd go by anything else, it's pretty unisex. scarlet witch obviously isn't unisex, but depending on how swag male wanda is he'd maybe go by it anyway. as i've mentioned the scarlet warlock is pretty bad -- warlock is not the female version of witch in any way lol -- and i also feel a lot of wanda's character depth would disappear without the added layer of sexism with the term "witch", but i guess that's just the way it would be with male wanda. the scarlet wizard is alright, i suppose. it's not the same thing, but again, there's not really any male term that captures what "witch" specifically means, and wizard is also unisex, so.

as far as personality goes, i think i'd keep as much as possible from the 616 versions. fem!pietro can still be impatient and grumpy and suspicious and love so much she breaks herself apart on it. male wanda can still be deeply good and compassionate, place so much importance on family, can still have a short fuse and fall into self-doubt easily, idk. some of the protector dynamic with pietro would get lost, i think -- while she would probably still view herself as her softer (< her opinion) brother's protector, she'd probably be less confident (not that 616 pietro is very ~confident~, but he doesn't shy away from confrontation, is what i mean) with taking up space after growing up as a woman, but probably not by a lot. other people would probably take her less seriously as her brother's protector though, probably; and i think wanda also wouldn't view her as such, even when he obviously would still treasure her a lot. their dynamic specifically would stay largely the same, i think. super close and super explosive, too, at times, but they know each other best. i don't see how their sex would change much about that, except that their experiences growing up would obviously be a little different like this. but -- despite what many marvel writers seem to think -- nothing about wanda and pietro's dynamic has anything to do with sexism (though pietro's need to protect wanda is probably something of a "i'm a man"; i still can't imagine fem!pietro would feel less strongly about this, especially her brother in this case is a bit different than that typical "man" picture), so that wouldn't really change.

as for their views of the world and the people around them; i think pietro would be more suspicious than he is in 616 (for obvious reasons), while also perhaps being less paranoid about wanda (not because pietro looks down on wanda for being a woman, but because a lot of the world does, and that would fall away in this case), but only slightly. i don't think wanda would change much in this regard. i suppose he'd be less suspicious, but they'd both still experience racism and bigotry growing up in europe, so i don't see that changing much. wanda still loves the world and its people with all his heart but can't be around them too much (introvert) while pietro also loves the world and its people but she's more grumpy about it. because she also hates them all (extrovert) lmfao.

last but not least! appearances. in my ideal world, fem!pietro is virtually unchanged. she has short hair (better for running), she is lanky, she has runner's legs, she has sharp features. male wanda is more difficult for me to imagine. long hair, probably, but i wouldn't mind short hair. a similar style of costume. no beard!!!! my god. he'd probably wax or something so no chest hair, either, idk. he probably paints his nails. he's very very pretty. beautiful man. not exactly tall but also not exactly short. either skinny (not a physical fighter) or chubby (not a physical fighter) or something of the like, but definitely not muscular. but he's obviously trained in hand-to-hand combat like 616 wanda, obviously. etc. also male wanda would be a very gentle dom to fem!pietro's brat i know it in my heart. she still feels like she has the world on her shoulders so it's nice to be able to lie back, etc. anyway i think that's all my thoughts for now lol

#answered #scarletsilver #maxicest

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throughalleternity · 11 months

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What are things that inspire you to write? And what are topics that you love to write about and/or things that you know you can write easily about?

My own experiences/feelings that I want to adapt to fic, the feelings that other fics have evoked in me, wanting to post for my younger self who clung to fics with trans characters, being in the mood for something specific that I can't already find, self validation via fic… So I guess feels and unfulfilled cravings are most of my inspo lol.

Comments, prompts, or just convos have definitely helped too, and reader reactions were a big reason I kept writing after first posting in the SG fandom. So those and sometimes other fic - CameronFoss and I bounced off each other's writing/comments back when I was posting more in 2021 and some of my fics would not have happened without them!

The topics I like to write about: well, nearly 75% of my fics have trans characters and that's usually a central aspect lmao. But the specific topics I choose are often things that are more personal/relatable to me since I'm confident in the ideas and they carry more meaning - also helpful with motivation because then I get bonus validation/catharsis writing it, and I'm less likely to scrap the thing thinking it doesn't have enough value. Aside from personal stuff, some later fics were partly extensions of what I had already wrote since that became interesting to dive into ("how would Leon handle xyz?") and it seemed like other people were interested too.

I also find it easier to write stuff that's not too similar to what already exists for the characters, and to keep my ideas pretty narrow. That way I'm not comparing or worrying about just regurgitating what I've read, and the fic will be a manageable length.

#ask me #in summary. it's all about the highly concentrated feels from trans rep lol #but fr i am super overjoyed that i've written things that resonate with other people too since that's the main reason i post

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sharonisthebettercarter · 1 year

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Castration and orchidectomy are not the same thing.

Castration is the removal of the testicles, while orchidectomy is the removal of only one testicle. Orchidectomy can be done for medical reasons and to treat certain conditions, but it is also a common procedure for transgender people who are transitioning to a male or male-presenting gender identity.

While both can lead to a reduction in the production of certain hormones, the overall effects and consequences are different depending on the specific procedure and the patient's individual medical needs and goals.

putting these in one again

Orchidectomy (from the Greek "orchi" meaning "testicle") is a surgical procedure in which one or both testicles are removed from a person's body. It's a form of castration, because it removes the production of testosterone from the body. This can lead to a decrease in libido, hair growth, and energy levels, as well as a change in voice and body shape due to the loss of estrogen and testosterone that would usually be produced by the testicles.

Orchidectomy can be done to treat certain medical conditions like uterine, ovarian, and other gynecological cancers as well as testicular cancer.

baby, all you told me in these two is that a square is not a rectangle it's a rhombus but also it is a form of rectangle and it's so unnecessary, i gotta tell ya. but it's a little bit funny to me too

this is all semantics, but from what i gather, orchiectomy is what they call the surgical procedure for bilateral castration today. it's just a slightly newer word for the same old process, granted with much better medical knowledge and safety than the 19th or 16th centuries, but i digress, lmao

emasculation actually has an archaic use that means to castrate as well! neuter is even older than all of them. sorry, lol, synonym nut because i write<3

... smuts... sometimes... ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))

ahem.

i am aware that there are medical advantages or reasonings to castration and that orchiectomy would be used for trans people as well, but i suppose this could be news for others?? and i'm always down for edumacation~<3 (same goes for mastectomies and hysterectomies too, ESPECIALLY for fibroids and endometriosis)

i still thinks it's a bit extreme of a jump for ryan (which has me wondering if you may be projecting some internalized feelings onto him as a character/want to see them represented which to a degree, i can get, go and be *you* if you are trans and don't let anyone tell you different), but don't think i missed all the hints

this tells me you want ryan to be trans i'm guessing? i think rep of a trans person/kid would be nice and plausible for the boys (especially with how witch hunty people are right now, fuck that), but i don't know if i want it to happen to ryan specifically when he like... he *already* has HOMELANDER to deal with and you wanna add to that???

listen... i just wanna see ryan be a little shit and use his powers. the actor who plays him is GREAT at being a creepy little fucker (prior experience in horror!) which i suppose could work with the trans aspect, but like... it would be a lot going on at once (there's a balance here that can be easily overloaded) and i'm not so sure you'd want a little transgirl minilander lasering the shit out of stuff??? (or maybe you do, LMAO!!)

but i also feel like if there were any indication he might be trans, he'd have already shown signs with becca raising him (she was 100% a supportive parent, she raised him gentle which homie insulted but i'm pretty sure she would have let ryan actually be a girl if he felt uncomfortable being a boy is what i'm getting at.)

OR~<3! and here's a kickin' twist... ryan has secretly been trans the whole time<3<3<3!!! (could you imagine, whole different set of problems with homelander finding out but he'd probably *actually* encourage it in this case *just* to hide it since he's already introduced ryan as his son to the public!)

i do think some good trans rep may be more likely for gen v and that it would be lovely to see<3

my thing is that i just want them to add big bobby~<3 (hughie's transwoman friend in the comics) cause she's over 6 foot and a total boss that flaunts her fabulously flamboyant fashion sense while just being all around awesome and huge and awesome and kind of an asshole but also awesome i love her... i also LOVE bobby as a girl's name like you have no idea... IT'S CUTE--.

but idk, it's whatever i guess, and remember that squares are the lovechild of the rhombus and rectangle~<3<3<3

and go write trans ryan fic if you want trans ryan, lol! you have all rights to do whatever the fuck you want in fanfic<3 ;)

**ALSO, i'm assuming the very last thing you mentioned pertains exclusively to intersexed people, satan that did not hit me the first time.

but generally if someone can have an orchiectomy, they don't have a uterus or ovaries (though yes, i am aware some often ignored humans do have both), i would have started by mentioning testicular/prostate/other y chromosome related cancers because generally speaking, someone who has testes does not see a gynecologist or is at risk for any of those cancers. (generally, again, intersex people and chromosomal disorders are a thing)

anywho~<3 ;))))

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gaypleasantview · 2 years

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dirk (and dustin if u want) for the ask meme? :3

hell yeah!!

Dirk:

Sexuality Headcanon: gay, i enjoy other headcanons for him too but the version of Dirk that lives in my head is definitely homosexual/homoromantic, just feels so right to me. im thinking of putting him on the asexual spectrum somewhere (where is my drink) probably demisexual. his type is probably straight up someone like Dustin if we're being honest here

Gender Headcanon: trans guy! came out as a kid long before Darleen passed away and got lots of support from his parents about both his sexuality and gender <3 i don't know if he realized both around the same time but he knew himself pretty well pretty early on, good for him

A ship I have with said character: ever since i realized the possibility of Dustin/Dirk it has changed my life lol. like it was really always there and it's such an obvious set up but it went completely over my head like it did for most of us i guess, the way maxis seemingly intended is good too because Lilith/Dirk feels like a very exciting couple to play with if you see Dirk being attracted to girls/whatever gender you hc Lilith as. D&D live in my mind rent free tho. it's an easy enemies to lovers for me and some would argue that trope is overdone but there is not nearly enough content about these two that fit the trope perfectly sooo i wanna make that content. speaking of Dirk in this relationship, at first he admits Dustin is cute but hates the dude's attitude so he's gonna be in denial about his Dustin situation for the longest time. he's probably gonna be the one to make this actual relationship happen even though he's gonna be scared. but when Dustin opens up Dirk starts feeling really comfortable with him and falls in love deeply

A BROTP I have with said character: easily him and Lilith, in my hc she's a lesbian and they are fake dating while actually being besties so they don't even have to pretend much. these two are an opposites attract situation too but their energies match so well?? i should probably make them other friends though because no one has more than 2 friends in my stories 😭 i mean Dirk's also good friends with his dad but. yeah

A NOTP I have with said character: this must be about romance but i don't have much to say so i'll talk about enemies instead in this question. well i dont believe he has enemies aside from Dustin and that one's not exactly fitting for this question as we already know so probably no one lol. Dirk doesn't like Angela too and i never realized until just now btw that his relationship with her after he gets with Dustin is gonna be REALLY AWKWARD

A random headcanon: he's a giant bookworm, tries to be the best at everything and is quite grumpy, i feel like he would be very successful in college because he's just a shining star however you look at him. absolute delight (but can be a bitch). he loves cats and the color purple (i actually thought of making it his signature color but he's already assigned blue by maxis so im confused). also a big taylor swift fan

General Opinion over said character: gives off rainy vibes but is actually such a sunshine. i love him so much and im so glad i discovered how great of a character he is a few years ago, he's a certified son of mine (it's actually crazy to think that if he's a teen he's younger than me... like that is a noticeable age gap. huh)

Dustin:

Sexuality Headcanon: i would say the definition that feels right to me is homosexual/biromantic, sometimes i think it could be one or the other but i always remember that it doesn't have to because sexuality is a wide spectrum and im very happy to represent someone who has different romantic and sexual attraction! his gayness is powerful and i also cherish the girl-liking side of him and i think it's beautiful. i don't know if he's allosexual yet but i feel like he's probably demiromantic i hadn't even realized that until just now! im excited

Gender Headcanon: im still wondering about this, i see him as a guy and currently as cis, i really like the idea of him being trans but given how i hc him and his family i feel like by the age of 16 he would be unlikely to freely express himself or maybe even discover himself at all? he's quite emotionally repressed and doesn't give himself time to process his feelings so he probably wouldn't even know what the feeling means if he had it. hmmm

A ship I have with said character: Dirk ofc. Dustin didn't know he was gay and likely had inner homophobia but after meeting Dirk he knew what was up and he embraced it (after they stopped hating each other first heh). he had a pretty wonderful relationship with Angela so i like these two a lot together but with Dirk it's just a whole another story. Angela is like a comfort place and with Dirk it's like a rollercoaster and Dustin is just addicted to the feeling. he will be the first one to make a move but it's gonna be in a bit of a stupid way of course because he's secretly really awkward so it'll take time for them to actually see what's up

A BROTP I have with said character: Angela. she helps him with the kids and just generally spends so much time with him and they genuinely love each other so much as bf and gf but then as friends too, the breakup is hard for Angela but after some time it definitely gets better and they are just a great couple of peeps who care for each other :) i would say i need to get Dusty other friends too but i'll be honest with you i don't even think he has any. poor boy i gave him like 2 or 3 nice points

A NOTP I have with said character: Lilith hates Dustin and wouldn't engage 😭 she learns to tolerate him but imagine these two put in a room they would fight to death

A random headcanon: Dustin is a huge family boy and the only times he is genuinely expressing his feelings is when he is with his little siblings. Brandi and him have a weird relationship that is full of fights but in its core their relationship is not the worst, she's a loving mom just not very good at it. he probably has some obscure hobbies but i don't remember which rn. he likes sports (sadly). he's a very angsty teen and 100% listens to angsty teenage music in his room. he's gonna be such a great man in college when he matures and starts being honest with himself about things and this is the best glow up ever

General Opinion over said character: i love Dustin. i am so proud of his growth and bravery <3 he is kind of a menace in the beginning of my story, super mean but i don't want to throw him under the bus because his soul is so beautiful. wait is that bus thing even a saying or did i make that up. anyways boy needs therapy and hugs

thank you so much for the ask!!! this is really long but i love talking about them <3

#dirk dreamer #dustin broke #project: cr #sim ask things #socialbunny

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catharrington · 2 years

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

Also asked by @passivenovember Thanks so much for thinking of me you guys 🖤🖤 this was a bit difficult to narrow down lol I have 48 posted fics??? but here they are:

Play free bird. T, 6.8k words, oneshot (easily my favorite thing I’ve written. trans ftm Billy struggling being a newly single parent to his daughter Rose, and Steve’s her 4th grade teacher helping as best he can. This AU is such a comfort space for me and Rose is such a cool kid! I think about continuing this verse all the damn time 😹)

Beast. M, 25.8k words, ongoing (beauty and the best AU in a pretty loose term, mostly just Billy struggling with the beastly curse. He meets Steve who is a cocky season 1 type of Steve. Lots of exploring into self worth and self love. And ✨softly falling in love✨. Also Ronance are there🥰)

He ain’t me, baby. M, 17.9k words, ongoing (after season 3 Billy is dead and Steve tries to move on with his life post Harringrove fuck buddies. He starts dating a guy with a mullet who plays guitar in Robin’s band. Everyone’s sad but making it. Then! 🙀Guess who’s got the balls to come strolling through an upside portal like he never even left!)

Cry me a river, ‘cause I’ve cried a river over you. M, 12.4k words, oneshot (house husband cat boy Steve my beloved!!! Milk man Billy my beloved!!! These two are very near my heart. My best boys 🖤🖤. Y’all know cat boys are my one true love and this I am very proud to have completed here for reading😽)

Sleepy Hawkins. T, 21.1k words, completed (Ah okay so this is a bit old, and I wrote this rather quickly in 2020 quarantine. But this was my longest fic for a long time! And I had so much fun in following Billy aorund and getting very enamored by his character. Writing spooky stuff and action scenes were so challenging yet fun. And also I Kill Neil in this one, hell yeah!)

Thank you again so much for the ask it means a lot!!! Y’all are the best fandom around, for sure!!!!🖤🖤🖤

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove fic #my fic #steve/billy #fic rec

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youareunbearable · 4 years

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Catch me not having a clue who any of these gods(?) and people are, but still sitting here like, "I ship that pretty one with the gruff one, and that brown haired one with the other(?) gruff one?" without knowing names or what this is except the fanart I see you reblog, because this fandom apparently has lots of nice art

Fam i have no idea what ur talking about or when u sent this im so sorry asfkjhfkjhf but i thiiiinnnkkkk??????? it’s “Heavens Official Blessing” or Tiān Guān Cì Fú (TGCF for tagging stuff) its originally a chinese gay novel that is soooooooo long by the author Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (MXTX) who wrote 2 (two?????) other novels that I know of that are also gay historical fantasy but i personally havent actually read TGCF???? im just watching the anime and looking at the wiki and reading fanfics so i have a vague idea whats going on but not really???? so i cant really give a good review BUT i LOVE THE CHARACTERS MXTX WRITES SO MUCH AFHAFKFHKFAKF IM SO SORRY IM SHIT WITH TAGGING SO U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM HYPER FIXATING ON BUT

LISTEN

Pretty one and the gruff one im THINKING is He Xuan (or Ming Yi/ Ming-Xiong/Ming Bro) for the grumpy one and Shi Qingxuan for the pretty one and both are kinda gender fluid?? (more Shi Qingxuan but they both change their forms to be both women and men which is Iconic and the anime put her in the TRANS FLAG COLOUR instead of her canon white and green which is ICONIC) AND THHEYRE SO TRAGIC AND HOT AND I CRY JUST THINKING ABOUT THEIR STORY LIKE AFHDFKJAFDSGS like i want to kinda read the book just for them, the two super minor characters, but i also read somewhere that their story doesn’t really have a clean ending so im also holding back from just getting Emotionally Hurt because im a cancer and i know it’ll wreck me

I think The Two Gruff Idiots are Feng Xin (dark haired gruff boy) and Mu Qing (brown haired gruff boy) and theyre both martial gods and both knew each other for over 800 years and both tried to take care of Actual Human And Heavenly Disaster Xie Lian, failed, and tried to do it again 800 years later but with stupid glasses with moustaches in hopes that Xie Lian cant figure out that they care about him but OOPS Xie Lian does in fact have the braincell of the three of them fajfafjajf

Heres the link to watch the anime, there are 11 eps rn but it updates every weekend (I dont actually know when but i watch it on sundays) Make sure u have ur ad block on tho lol there is a manga too and the art style is TO DIE FOR like its GORGEOUS but its roughly at the same pace as the anime so eh

Heres where to read the whole thing online, just a warning its BIG AS FUCK like 244? plus extras I think??

I’d also recommend MXTX’s other books!

Mo Dao Zu Shi (or Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation/ The Untamed/MDZS) is both a Book as well as an Anime (the whole thing is on youtube) , a Live Action which you can watch on Netflix (look up Untamed, also a warning, the plot is a little different from the book and anime cause of uhhh censorship?? also i guess to make it more live drama friendly, my friends an i binged it and really liked it, but some of the fandom doesn’t), a manga which is not finished I think???? idk im not caught up, and a fucking chinese AUDIO DRAMA LIKE BITCH ITS SO WELL DONE but i have to stop listening sometimes cause like there is a difference between watching/reading characters kiss, and then like just hearing them, i get so embarrassed i have to skip the kissing scenes and god forbid i accidentally click on the smutty extras alfjajlfjalfjaljf u can find it on youtube, i linked the one i listen to but i havent finished it and i don’t think it’s all of it, but you can find other episodes/chapters easily

Its about 1 Dumb Yet So Smart gay/bi man (Wei Wuxian) who honestly tries his fucking best, fucks up everything, dies for over a decade, and then is forcefully brought back to life to solve a murder mystery with the guy who has been in Super Gay Love with him since they were teens (Lan Zhan), a bunch of teens Who Are Just Honestly Here For A Good Time And Yet (Lan Juniors, Jin Ling, and Best Boy Ouyang Zizhen ) while badly hiding his real identity from all the people he knows, including his foster brother (Jiang Cheng) who is out for blood and hunting his ass down with a whip and also Lan Zhan who is travelling with him. Also the Killer. There is a killer on the loose and is willing to murder whoever to keep their secrets. Also Nie Huaisang. I adore him and his brother Nie Mingjue, if there is one bitch u gotta remember from this summary it’s this little twink (he and his brother also have a fucking spin off movie from the live action drama THAT I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO FIND A ENGLISH SUB VERSION AND ITS BEEN KILLING ME SINCE I STARTED WATCHING THIS SHOW LAST YEAR. GOOGLE GIVE ME MY FAVOURITE TWINK AND HIS BEAR OF A BROTHER HAVING A FUN FAMILY ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!)

My Personal Current Favourite is Scum Villain’s Self Saving System (SVSSS) which is SOOOOOOO FUNNY Like it’s not as popular cause the comic was discontinued, and the anime looks like its from 2005 with the weird 3D animation but its my current comfort media!!!

Its basically about a spite reading millennial (Shen Yuan) who died after reading a REALLY awful popular cheesy smut harem novel (think like 50 shade series but worse cause the protag had 600 wives) and was forced into the body of a minor but important villain (the protagonist’s teacher, Shen Qingqiu) from the novel who was fated to die with all his limbs cut off and his eyes and tongue plucked out and is told he has to fix the story so its not trash, he reasonably freaks the fuck out and hugs the protagonists (Luo Binghe) thigh so hard he turns him gay without realizing. Sadly, he does have to make sure certain plot points happen, which fucks him over a lot, and he thinks Luo Binghe still wants to kill him instead of love him cause he has the Emotional Intelligence of a Rock, but its so funny reading about him handling all the awful tropey stuff, like imagine u have to be a character in My Immortal But With Porn?????? without breaking out of character too much?? I wouldn’t be able to handle it ajhakfkfhjfj He also finds out that he’s not the only transmigrator in the novel either, but it doesn’t matter cause theyre both So Fucking Stupid Collectively but everyone would honestly die for the both of them

warning for this story though, the main relationship is a teacher/student relationship, but nothing happens until the student is in his 20s and also kinda not his student anymore cause he’s running hell??? but if that squicks u out i totally understand and offer you to PLEASE still enjoy some of this media, and instead of the BingQiu ship, I offer you the LiuQiu one, where both me and the main character cry over how a beautiful man/fellow immortal lord loves the main character so much that he literally fought every day for 5 years to be by his side and I Think Thats Beautiful and I kinda like this ship more than the main one tbh PLEASE just look at the art for Liu Qingge because i love him so much, he’s like if you took Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng from MDZS and mashed them into one beautiful man the author is trying to tell me is straight but u take one look at him And Tell Me Otherwise

#anon #answering asks probably really late but i live on mobile and i dont get notifications a lot #FHAKJAKFJFAFJA SORRY FOR INFO DUMPING ON U ANON BUT PLEASE LOVE THESE #I LOVE THESE #AND MY IRL FRIENDS DONT CARE ABOUT THEM #theyre like yeah amber ill watch the drama and maybe an anime but its ok no we dont want u to keep sending us tikoks its ok #LIKE IM WEEPING PLEASE ENJOY THIS CONTENT!!!!!!!#but for real if u want a love story for the ages read TGCF i've heard its really good #SVSSS is like the less serious and shortest novel of the three but so good #and MDZS is like the most popular successful middle child that every and their mother has seen and enjoyed #MDZS #SVSSS #TGCF #MXTX #also im once again sorry about how i never tag anything im just convinced no one actually goes on my blog #but i'm always surprised when i get asks like this asking me to tag things or asking about a thing im enjoying #and therefore flooding their dashs with lol #Anonymous

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quasieli · 3 years

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top six: fictional characters that give you gender envy, flowers, little things that make you happy and d&d moments :D

Ooh lotsa questions!

Gender Envy:

1) Bow from She-Ra (2018). Something about buff athletic dude who wears crop tops and is soft as hell is very Gender to me.

2) Vax from Critical Role. Pretty boy, kinda goth rogue? That’s sexy as hell and I wish that was me.

3) In a wildly different idea of gender envy, I’ve been thinking about it lately and @quantum-lesbian’s character in the Frostmaiden game I’m in with them, Ambrose, is Big Gender. Beautiful non-binary drow with a starry and kinda witchy aesthetic that dresses super grandly and ostentatiously no matter the occasion? Yes please.

4) Pete from The Unsleeping City, specifically season two. I adore season one Pete but season two Pete that works in a queer bookshop and has a teapot arcane focus, is artsy and is unapologetically a trans man who doesn’t give a shit about gender roles? Sign me the fuck up.

5) Beau from Critical Role. Buff GNC lesbian mixed with academia, but like academia from the prospective of a grad student with ADHD trying to learn everything about their special interests? A+, I love her and I’m jealous.

6) I’m gonna cheat a lil bit for this last one. I know the prompt is fictional characters, but Julia Lepetit and Jacob Andrews in their Hitman streams? Simultaneously both of them were Gender for me. Jacob esp felt like that for me, which is weird cause dresses can make me dysphoric, but I am also slightly envious of the Dude in a Dress type of gender presentation.

Can you tell that I’m a confused trans masc enby

Gonna put it under the cut from here cause oof, there’s still a lot more.

Flowers:

1) Big slut for Sunflowers, always have been, always will be.

2) Fun fact, my dad’s family used to own a flower shop (in like the 70s, so I never got to see it :(), and one of their big things was hydrangeas. My dad has always loved them and now I love the snowballs too!

3) A recent favorite, the Baker’s Globe Mallow. It’s a type of flower that only grows from the soils of forests that have been affected by wildfires. It’s a simple little flower but I love the idea of something beautiful rising from the ashes after tragedy. A little dramatic, but I’m queer, ofc I’m dramatic.

4) Roses are another important flower to my family (Rose was a family name for a couple generations), and ya know, they’re a classic.

5) There’s this beautiful magnolia tree in front of my house that blooms with the most beautiful white and pink flowers every spring, and it’s one of my favorite things to see every year.

6) There’s so many different types of Lillies and they’re all very pretty, but the Purple Stargazer is prob my favorite.

Little Things That Make Me Happy:

1) My cat, Maddie. She may be a cranky girl at times, but she is also very sweet and will always be my baby (even though she is 12).

2) Not a little thing really, but my best friend. Just getting a sweet/silly text from her or the two of us chilling in a room, sitting in a comfortable silence because we just like being together, nothing better.

3) Baking, esp if I’m doing it for others. I’m not much of a sweets person myself, a little treat every once in a while type person, but I love baking. It’s a very relaxing process for me, even when it can sometimes get stressful, but seeing people enjoying something I made, especially something that brought me great joy to make, is simply the best.

4) In the same sorta vein, crafting and other art, but that’s a bit more personal. I love making things for others, but art, particularly drawing, is something I do more for me. It’s such a great feeling when you can get into a really good art mood and just sink yourself into a project. I love it.

5) My plush toys. Yes, I am a 23 year old, no I will not stop loving my plushies. I just got a few new friends, which I made a post about recently, and they such good cuddle buddies. However, there is one king amongst them all. I have this old, beat up christmas puppy beanie baby, on his tag named Jingle Pup, but I just call him Jingle. I had one version of him since I was like 6, but he currently lives on a shelf cause he is very beaten up and fragile, but his “brother”, who I got when I was 8, is still in kinda good shape and is currently chilling on my chest as I type this lol.

6) Again, not a little thing, but it’s important to mention; D&D. The game itself is such a joy, but truly the best part of it is the people. I love creating stories and memories with people through this weird little game. Truly one of my favorite things to do.

D&D Moments:

These are all gonna be personal moments, rather than anything from actual play shows/podcasts. RC is Reforged Campaign, where I play Saube, and FM is Frostmaiden, where I play Sparks.

1) RC - Meeting Mahety, Saube’s girlfriend. We met her way back in session 12 and we are now up to like session 73. Saube saw her and was immediately big heart eyes at her but also felt a bit awkward and shy. So, being a game a dice, I decided to roll. 10 or higher, Saube would talk to her, 9 or lower, she’d stay put. I rolled a 17, 17 is now a lucky number for me. I love Mahety and I’d die for her.

2) FM - This was an insane fight that should not have been so crazy, but in a fairly early session, my group went up against an angry druid and her awakened animals. So much batshit stuff happened in that fight, and we unfortunately lost our bread loving bard (RIP Agneyis), but one of my favorite combat turns happened in this fight. Our artificer, Omaren, has a robe of useful items and one of the patches on it creates a large pit. Thinking quickly, Omaren tore off the patch, slid it under one of the dire wolves we were fighting and created a looney tunes style pit under it, allowing us to take it out easily via pot shots. Such a clutch move and such a funny visual, especially because the dire wolf kept failing the checks to get out of the pit.

3) RC - Saube’s Zebrith (I will never remember how this actually spelled RIP). So, for context, Saube ended up with a death curse (long story) that mechanically meant they had disadvantage on any death saving throws. Scary as hell, need to get that fixed! So, Saube and their party had to be smuggled into another country to talk with some religious leaders of a goddess known as The First, the goddess of death. They were told that Saube would have to go through the aforementioned ritual, which included her soul leaving her body for a short period of time. During this ritual, her friends had to call back to her, to say things that would bring her back to her body and I still cry thinking about that game. That ritual was not only important for Saube bodily, but spiritually as well. After that ritual, Saube officially became a cleric of The First!

4) A real sappy one, RC - Saube meeting all of her friends. Anyone who follows along with the rantings on my blog probably knows how important this game is to me. I met this random group of strangers on tumblr and formed a D&D party with them and now, a year and a half later, I honestly think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I know that sounds silly and dramatic but not only has this game brought me so much joy and comfort, but I also gained a group of really amazing friends who have been nothing but amazing since day one. As much as Saube knows she can depend on SICL, I know I can depend on my group of weirdos lol. We both love our friends very much and even though we’ve all been through some crazy shit, we wouldn’t change it for the world.

5) RC - Just playing Saube in general. I really didn’t intend for it to be this way, but Saube is very much a reflection of myself. She is the first long term character I have ever played and so much of me is in her. I try not to treat D&D like therapy, because that’s unfair to my DM and fellow party members, but playing Saube has allowed me to work through some of my own problems, especially social anxiety, in a lot safer of an environment. It isn’t so much that I’m asking this game to help me fix my life, but playing out these scenarios that, in the real world, would make me anxious or make me freak out, I can stop, take a moment to breathe and work out these issues in a way that makes sense to me. Playing her has led me to understanding myself a bit better, as well, and that’s truly such a wonderfully unexpected gift from this whole experience.

6) Lastly, a silly one: RC - Getting a crit 6. The last session of this game got real interesting. Saube’s party ended up in the ethereal plane and magic got real fucky there. So, any time any of us tried to cast a spell, we’d roll a d20, not look at the result, and then try to guess what number rolled. The closer to the number, the better the result. A few times, a few people managed to get within like 3 or 4 of their roll, but oh the power I felt when I rolled a 6 (on Saube’s die!) and guessed it correctly! So, not only did the spell (Bless) work, but it worked super well. So instead of getting +1d4 to attack rolls and saving throws, Saube and two other party members got +2d4 to attacks, saving throws and skill checks. So powerful I broke the rules of D&D lmao.

#asks #ask games #floralprintshark #D&D #Flowers #Saube #Sauhety #SICL #Sparks #long post #thanks <3 <3

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fourdaysofrain · 4 years

Text

Self-Made Man

Summary: A Trans!Tony Stark AU.

(Lengthy, personal author’s note below the cut, if you’re interested.)

Natasha Marie Stark was born twelve minutes before midnight on May 29th, 1970. She weighed a healthy seven pounds and two ounces when she arrived. She was the most beautiful thing that either of her parents had ever seen. And she was screaming loud enough to scare the pigeons from the trees outside.

Read on AO3

Well, hey everyone. It’s been a handful of months since I’ve been on here. I want to apologize for being gone, but that feels kind of phony. I don’t know. I missed this, though. I can tell you that much. I still checked my notifications every once in a while. It made me really glad to see people still commenting on my fics or passing my links around. Love y’all.

I guess it’s about time that I tell you that I’m trans. I have been this whole time. To answer a few quick questions, I first knew sometime in late high school, but it was always kind of in the background my whole life, I just didn’t know how to isolate the feeling. I started socially transitioning (i.e. dressing male, coming out, going by he/him) after my high school graduation, and I started HRT (Horomone replacement therapy, that means I inject myself with testosterone weekly. .33mL subcutaneously into my tummy, if you’re curious) on Oct. 12, 2018. So it’s been almost two years since, and I’ve been completely passing as a man for quite a while. Ass-crack hair, sweat, and all.

This is a pretty personal fic for me, given the nature of it. I’ve wanted to write it for a long time, and I’ve actually had words in the Google Doc since January. It took a lot of long nights to write. It helped that I was back home. I always have an easier time tapping into Trans Emotions when I’m in my home town, for better or for worse. All the memories and relationships I formed pre-transition follow me like ghosts.

I’m leaving for college in two days, conversationally.

I see a lot of trans!Peter Parker fics. I’m not dissing them, I love them to bits. But it makes me wonder why fandom is so quick to headcanon Peter as trans instead of one of the other characters. He’s petite, has a higher voice, and has softer features than the other male cast members. I feel like those attributes definitely play a role. It can be easy to see trans men as “uwu soft bois”, or as Men Lite, or as a more palatable version of “normal” (that is to say, cis) men. Those ideas are often flawed and based on transphobic foundations. The reality is, trans men (and by extension, all trans people) have the ability to be indiscernible from their cis counterparts. Everyone likes to think they can pick trans people out from a crowd, but you’d be surprised how quickly I started being read as male. Androcentrism for the win, I guess.

I won’t be entirely pessimistic. I understand that people my age project onto Peter (I am by no means exempt from that), and that there’s a greater number of young trans people than old, due to a series of depressing reasons. But I still wanted to try a different take on a trans character.

My experience as a trans man is vastly different than the one I write about here. If anything, I’m closer to fandom’s idea of trans!Peter. My parents were accepting, I had the financial and social means to transition relatively early, and I can fly under the radar easily. The most important difference is the time period.

I don’t know a lot about the trans experience of the 80s and 90s, which is what Tony would have gone through. I know of one single trans man who began his transition back then, one of the gender studies professors at my university. Even then, he’s from Canada, which I’m assuming has an entirely different culture around trans lives. There aren’t many older trans men. It’s depressing. There’s a lot of reasons for this. I don’t want to get too deep into them, because it only makes me feel sad. The final scene in this fic is extremely self-indulgent with regards to this. I wrote what I needed to hear.

That’s not to say I don’t relate at all to what I wrote. There are themes that are almost universal for the trans experience. I hope you can parse those out here.

I also wanted to talk about how I showed the change from “Natasha” to Tony. In the early stages of this fic’s development, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to openly say Tony’s deadname (the name trans people are given at birth, and often, but not 100% of the time, change as a part of their transition), but I soon realized that it would make the story much clearer with the inclusion of it. If you’re wondering, I got the name from Earth-3490, where Tony is born a woman (and marries Steve, lol). I chose to show the change between the two with the use of past tense for the first half of the fic, and switching to present for Tony’s life. Often times, it feels like that when you transition. You start living in present tense.

I also want to make it clear that transitioning isn’t as simple as shown here. From the beginning of mapping out this fic, I was stressed about “Oh, how will he be able to graduate as Tony if he doesn’t start transitioning until after he gets to college,” and “How will Howard react to him coming out?” and “How will he have a playboy persona if he isn’t able to have sex with someone without them knowing?” and a zillion other ideas. It was very freeing for me to let go of some of these obstacles and leave it up to the reader to decide. I alluded to some of the solutions that I came up with, but for the most part, I glossed over the paperwork and bureaucracy aspect to transitioning. But in real life, there are countless red tapes you have to cut for even the simplest of actions. I went to the state court to change my name and sex in March of 2019, and I still have cards in my wallet with my deadname. I had a consult with a plastic surgeon for top surgery (the colloquial name for the double mastectomy that trans men often go through to masculinize their chests. If you’re wondering, genital reconstruction surgery is normally called bottom surgery to mirror this) last December, and I still don’t have a date set. It took me a few months to start T, and I only got it so easily because I went through my unviersity, which does informed consent. Some places have to have proof of 6 months of social transitioning and a letter from a therapist. There is a lot of medical gate keeping in the trans community. I don’t know what I would have done had my parents not been accepting enough to help me through the processes. I am extremely thankful for their support.

But it’s a lot easier to write about transition happening smoothly. Money helps, which I don’t touch on a lot in this fic, but oh my God, does money help. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford my ~$20 a month T prescription (which I will be taking until the end of my days, likely), and I’m in the process of saving for top surgery. Thankfully with Tony, I can just presto most of the problems away because he’s canonically a billionaire. Eat the rich, folks.

There’s also the intersection with race that is very impactful for trans people, as it is for everyone. Both Tony and I are white, which gives us societal privileges that trans people of color don’t have access to. As well as the fact that transitioning from female to male is a much different experience than transitioning from male to female. We don’t experience trans misogyny, which is a special kind of misogyny specifically related to trans women. (Think of old sitcoms where the joke is that it’s a man dressed in women’s clothing, and that’s what makes it funny. That’s a fairly tame example of trans misogyny. It gets ugly fast.)

I’m veering dangerously off-topic, but it’s important to talk about. It’s easy for white trans people (and LGBT people as a whole, I suppose) to distance themselves from talking about white privilege or male privilege because they aren’t straight and/or cis. But it’s important to recognize that while we may face unique oppression, we also still benefit from historical white supremacist and patriarchal structures present today in society.

Sorry, not sorry for getting political. And if I haven’t said it on here, Black lives matter. Of course.

If you end up having trans-related questions, I want to be a resource for you. Seriously, I’m narcissistic and love talking about myself I don’t mind helping you understand the trans experience. I can’t promise that I know everything, but I also have my own group of trans friends who might know what I don’t, and we can learn together.

Again, love y’all. Thank you for the continued support you give me. I can’t promise that I’ll go back to my normal level of activity on here, but I might dip my feet back in the pool. <3

#irondad #iron dad #spider-man #iron man #trans #ftm #art speaks #art writes #read under the cut if you want to know my Emotions and Feelings

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sassaetcie · 4 years

Text

The Molten Charcoal - Chapter 4 - Silver x Idia Fanfiction

Yeah I may have... forgotten I was publishing this on tumblr... I apologize krkrkr.

I shouldn't have said "yes" that easily. I'm just so weak after a certain time outside... Like it must be a downgrade or something... Sure I don't want to hurt Ortho but... If I end doing shit in front of Silver, I will ashame everone (once again lol), right? I can't tell anymore if it was a safe bet or not... No, it never has been a "safe" bet because I'm playing with humans www. They aren't as easily predictable as AI if they aren't shaking in fear... if they "aren't shaking in fear". Shut the fuck. Shut the fuck up, Idia. No, I should talk like this, right? This is the way I get to the top in videogames, after all... No, shut the fuck. The only reason you get this high... Is it because of "this"? Or "that"? Or both? Or neither, in the end? Nothing "has" to make sense, after all... If everything had to make sense, they would be true. I DON'T WANT THEM TO BE TRUE. EVERYTHING IS THEIR FAULT. EVERYTHING IS THEIR FAULT. THEY'RE THE ONES BEING WRONG, OR BEING A DIFFERENT KIND OF WRONG. If I'm doing everything "wrong" because everyone keeps thinking like them, then there's a possibility that I'm actualy the only one being right, right? (That's a Higurashi curse-like thinking but that's not exactly what I mean...) Everyone is a fucking weirdo here, so why am I the one considered even stranger? That must mean "something else". Or does that doesn't mean anything? Why am I even thinking about all this crap? That's because of them. I shouldn't think about all this... But if I don't, I'm going to disappoint Ortho because I'm going to be stupid and not trying enough... That's because of them. Because they wanted me so bad to be their heir. "A meeting is funny as long as you can play with the people". Why did you want me to play like you? I shouldn't have been here watching every adult whispering. I shouldn't have been here, hearing all these bad things. I shouldn't have been here. But my hair cannot betray you, right? I cannot hide. I cannot run. I cannot speak. Even if this adult smiles, he will stabs the other. Even if this one threatens to stab, it will be "only" a joke. Will it be? Which of them was joking? Which of them IS joking? Why did you show me this? Why did you show me so many people, as if they were your playthings? You really enjoyed inviting every last of them knowing they would insult you, and making them fear for one day to be fighting each other under your blackmailing, right? You even expected me to be abducted, huh? You didn't give a shit when I was abducted by this smiling couple. They really looked nice. I can't tell if they looked nicer than you. How many days did I spend here? They were still nice when they were with me. They kept on smiling. They lied. They lied again. Do I have to become an adult like this? I hate this. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. WHY DO YOU EXIST. WHY DO I HAVE TO BECOME LIKE THIS TO SURVIVE? I DON'T WANT TO. I'm tired... Why did they keep on smiling to me even when I told them I knew I had been abducted? Did they really not want to worry me because they didn't bear me a grudge for one of the things you had done to them? I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I can't understand, Ortho. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, you did so much for me and I'm just lost between all of these things... And I was released and I didn't die, right... Right... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Ortho. I shouldn't... What should I think? I was almost murdered, right? But I didn't die. Even when another two brothers, two agressive brothers I definitely chose to escape from, caught me and threatened me to death with knives... I didn't die. I knew they were dangerous, right? Or did I want to believe they were not since the smiling couple was a bunch of bastard NPC? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I don't want to apologize outside of this... This will be useless, right? Ortho, you're always trying to help me but you were the one killed, right? I barely woke you up... did I? Or are you another type of fake as well? Who are you, "Ortho"? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't want to doubt you. I don't want to doubt Ortho. If he's the true Ortho, everything's alright. If he is my creation, everything's alright as well. Your skin is alive. Your voice is there. Haha... I should make a Frankenstein's ref here. I feel a bit better but I need to vent... I'll just play a bit.

Thanks [x], WyverneCastel was there and at least my day wasn't an absolute hell (lol). At first the game was total shit since there were a lot of servers crash on this new game, I honestly thought we would just leave and go back to TESO or something casual, since I've already rushed Dragon Nest's new events and the others, lol. We have been able to play but in the end the game was worthless, lmao. It wasn't original, had nothing to be "interesting". Maybe it was "fun" but I don't really care about it anymore... At least, WyverneCastel was funny. They even asked me if I was alright??? I thought they were joking or begging me to buy them something in another game, but it seemed not? I thought it would be good to test out if they were a true friend or not and huh... I was terrified at first. I thought the whole room was dragging itself into flames and that heat was going to consume me. Either I would burn out or burn the whole world down like I was probably expected to do. So... I've spoken to them, for once. They appeared to be really understanding, somehow. I thought I might get banned or blacklisted for saying out loud that I was gay but oh, I guess our gamers's mindset wasn't that shitty for once. He wasn't surprised that much, so I can't tell if he was really serious about anything but... He told me that of course if the one I loved rejected me because I love him instead of "her", then I should just forget about him because he would be just another bastard I shouldn't pine on... Sure enough, but if love was that easily curable, I wouldn't be on the verge of grieving, nah, crying with all my might just because I "have" a date with the one I love, even though it really doesn't make any sense. Of course I shouldn't be ashamed of being in love with him, and I'm not ashamed of being gay, fuck off. I barely told him that I was in love with a prince-type... Was it wrong? I mean, I have to stay honest or I'll just be the shy-neet everyone likes for no specific reason but pity... And if I can be different than them, it would be for the best as well... If they want to make fun of me for this, I will just hack them and teach them a little something, still lurking in my own den. Or in the worst case, I would have changed my pseudo... WyverneCastel did not mock me, and maybe never ... even fathomed mocking me. That's probably just a dumb thought but I feel like they are just curious and benevolent (I guess they're the depressed mysterious dude character)? Nonetheless, I don't want to be naive and crushed, but even more I don't want to get closer to the Flame Crown. I don't even want to write down their names. They don't deserve it, right? WyverneCastel, WyverneCastel, WyverneCastel. Let's scribble down more about them.

They... told me I would find my prince if I wanted that much to be with one, and yet feared that much being with them. I guess he would be the kind to speak of "trials", "fate" and "forgiveness". A hopeless optimist, an eternal philanthropist (and not the Izaya kind, huh). I should tell him someday that I'm happy to have him as a friend. He probably already knows about it... right? Maybe I'll just make myself a stupid lad by telling him this... But does he want me to tell him this, too? Perhaps he wishes for a single word as an "hope"? He knew of my school as a "miracle", too. He even asked me if my "beloved" was Epel Felmier... I mean, I could have, perhaps? He's way too cute for me, he almost looks like a child (not a girl since just thinking about it would bring a curse upon me lmao, no honestly, even if I don't like him, that would be disrespectful.), I can't. And we also talked about how frightening he was whenever he snapped... Definitely not for me, and he looks fake too... Like all of Pomefiore, except creepHunt, to be fair. They are just so superficial and shiny... It looks like they want to walk on water and leaped out of it to sit on sunny clouds. I would offer my flames to them if I could... I just told WyverneCastel my love was another student, and not a Pomefiore one. Of course, he could have heard of the school because of its reputation and Pomefiore because Vil is in it... But I'm pretty sure he is a student now, since he already told me he was a guy (wouldn't have assume his gender if he didn't tell me). Well! I assumed he was a student because of the ominous silence following my answer before he started rambling again. His Internet couldn't have crashed since I still could hear his mic buzzing, and so neither was the mic off. He simply, didn't make a sound. For a few seconds. And if he had been surprised about my choice not "being Epel", then he would have surprised before, and not lolling as he was, probably. I didn't tell him but he probably wants me to ask him about this someday too. I guess... I didn't have the time to question him since some scams invaded our serv and began behaving as if they were girls with their girly characters in-game... Of course they were asking for money for IRL meetings and all that stuff so I just hacked them... It took a few minutes, but I couldn't afford to lose hours with WyverneCastel trying to ignore them when they were making a ruckus and... using hyper sexualized women characters? Like wtf, are we still in the past, dudes? They're just hurting everyone by doing this, and the LGBTQIA+ community doesn't needs some dumbfucked lads who would just serve as scapegoats for people hating on trans people and women... So fucking tiresome. I just wanted to talk about my prince and bad-written NPCs barged in. In the end, he just told me everything would be alright as long as I was staying true to my self and that I wouldn't find any semi-perfect prince if I didn't... I guess he meant that it would be easier to find one if I was faking but that the prince would indeed be ideal if everything was a lie, but then the whole prince, castle and white horse would be stuck together around me, and there would be no way of separating them... And the other way around, probably. I should take a walk and sleep, now... Or try to sleep, at least.

[Started Recording at : 9:45 am : Fourth? Day]

The coliseum was blessed by hollowness. Void and vacuity, though fake vacuity in the end, facing the sweet void, twirled among the stairs yet engraved by humans centuries ago. The eerie, airy presents were not made to hold any perfume neither scent. Only one or two students jumped from seat to seat to leave but nothing behind them. All of the ancient chairs were on their own, now. And thus, the presence among them refrained from gamboling as well, and went back to another void. They were, after all, no exception.

-Hmm, it seems the coliseum is empty today. I guess sometimes pups do behave as good boys. Well, if they study in the meantime, that is.

The wind was cut at some point, even if it was authorized to come in this area. He should not be that greedy, probably. No storm, no tempest, no breeze was to interrupt an exam day in the coliseum. Sunshine could not disappear yet, but someday quiet shadows would run accross the dirt field. Stones bedecked by seals and symbols did not need all of this light.

-Pups! Come here. Let us make teams and start the exam right in time.

Each student throngs on the still ground.

-Hm, everyone is here. Good boys. Diamond Cater, Hunt Rook, please make a first team. Mhh... Well, Shroud Idia... What is it, Clover Trey?

-I don't mean to interrupt you at all, sir and I'm sorry if I do. I would like to know if it were possible to be with Shroud? His performances may end up bad if he was with someone he doesn't know, and he may also have panic attack and it would mess up everything.

-This is quite an harsh way of saying things, Clover Trey. I would like Shroud Idia to overcome his fears, but let us be benevolent for this test only. He barely shows up, after all. But next time will be a random pairing, remember this. And this will only works if Shroud Idia agrees with you, Clover Trey. What of it, Shroud Idia?

-I-i-i-i-I... huh... wh-why not... after all...

-Thanks, Crewel sir, thanks Shroud.

The seats were still empty, and were meant to stay away from a temporary crowd. The sun was already too much of a witness, in the end. How much would he suck away all of the water in the flames heir? Perhaps it would first attack his surroundings. He was not alone. There was even a possibility he would get away with a tiny drop in his hands. A drop shining by reflecting.

-Diamond Cater, Hunt Rook, get yourselves ready. Shroud Idia, Clover Trey, stand in front of them. We will start the exam. Let us see who can stand until the end.

The two semi-teams came forth. None of them were fully a team, indeed. Diamond and Hunt smiled to a certain percent, and Clover and Shroud stressing to another. Was it the higher the better, or the lower the better? Several words were muttered by Idia, and Trey barely reacted. Were Rook and Cater deserving of a victory, now?

-Lets us begin, puppies.

-Damoiseau orné de diamants, may you use your unique magic to ease our hunt?

-Suuure~ I planned on doing it from the moment we were facing Shroud anyway~ He fears crowd so let's have fun, Shrouuud~! I'll take a selfie with you if you lose eheh!

-Hey, Shroud you... Hey, why are you hiding behind my back?! Jeez... it was to be expected, I guess. Fine, let's go, Cater! I won't abandon Shroud the way you don't care about Hunt!

-"Split Card"! Let's go, myselves~ Let's pin cutie Trey to the ground and force him to give up!

-Oh, oh, so you think something as simple will work on me, Cater?! Your "selves" won't move anymore if I can strike them all in one single shot... "Doodle Suit"!

-HEHHHHHH?! DID YOU JUST REWRITE MYSELVES?!

-OH YES I DID!

-N-nevermind! It won't be enough to defeat me... as if my unique magic was the only thing that was... shining withing myself! Take thiiiiiiiiiiiis!

A fireball flew across the area, flickering of mad sparkles. Yet, it was alone, as blinding as it could be. No other fires hid themselves. The light went forward, running through the usual sea-like Cater toward the forever lake-like Trey. Cater's "selves" were still, and would not move as long as Trey was not overdoing himself. Basically, Cater "should" have aimed to reduce his focus and magic slots. If Trey could have defend himself twice, then he should have throw several fireballs, as long as they were more than two. Yet he did not. No matter how Trey was stretching his neck and all body as one, there was but one fireball coming his way.

-That won't do it, Cater! I will bring you down... and I will take care of Hunt!

-Heeh~ Could that mean you can't take both of us down? You're really tired, huuh~! I will make you fall asleep and you'll have some sweets dreams, Treyyyyyy~!

They both brung their hands on their foreheads and wiped some sweat, almost in the same fashion as well. There was a possibility they were both lying. Yet, if Cater has used his unique magic and was still forced to maintain it because of Trey's unique magic coercing them into a motionless army... The fireball burst into numerous drops and shone into multiple drips full of infinite colors, filled with Trey's own magic and shades.

-Don't even think your fire magic will be enough to defeat me.

-Then I'll use some tree one... Just kidding! I knew I wouldn't defeat you, but we already won, right, Rook~?

-Damoiseauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Rook Hunt had disappeared from Trey sight for a long time for obvious reasons, but so had Idia.

-I... don't see Le Roi des Ombres behind Le Chevalier des Roses! Quelle est cette diablerie!

-EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!

-Hehehehehehehheheheheheheheheehehehehe... NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ME AGAIN, FUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!

A single ray came behind a still Cater's copy, bouncing between all of the numerous fake selves toward the usual fake one and its superficial yet earnest one, drenching the losing liars with a superficial water worthy of them.

-Huh... we...

-Clover Trey and Shroud Idias team won. A brilliant strategy, I reckon.

-Wait, what do you mean by strategy??? Shroud and Trey had...

-Yeah, I had planned this since the very beginning ufufufufufufuu... From the very moment you thought I was simply muttering to myself, Trey was listening to me and ready to follow my strategy!

-Uwaaa~ Idia Shroud is actually so cooool~ Can I have a selfie with you to apologize~?

-No w-w-w-w-w-way! You hypocrite...

-That aside, I must apologize for judging you, Roi des Ombres. You really do show a beautiful intellect and scheming.

-T-That's okay... Just let me go away, please...

The wind finally thronged in the no-more private area. The void would likely move as well. Among all the droplets, their status was but one, and only one. They were the one hindering the sun fostering reflection. They were the one hiding music. The child of the void's hair waltzed dazzlingly under the bright sun overflowing. His fingers tried to force the hair down in the hood, but only some of his skin obeyed in the end. He coerced his feet protected from the atmosphere by boots to move on, and more especially, back. But the crown of flames rushed forward, gleaming in front of him again.

-How beautiful, Roi des Ombres! Why would you want to hide such brightness...

-Oh, Cater, Hunt, look out, Vil came to cheer you up!

-EHHHHH?

-Oh~?

The flames followed the kid which they were yet meant to fuse with someday. They had no choice once no more could play with them... No sand was brought to their eyes, though. All elements were not helping him, after all. He had disappeared. Only clouds were playing with the sunshine.

-Eeeh, Treyyy~ Vil wasn't there, are you sure your eyesight is good even with your glasses on~...

-I'm sorry! I thought I saw him... Oh, Shroud has left.

-Chevalier des Roses, you are but quite the bad comedian. On a side note, what a great strategy, oh my!

-Rook, what the...

-Le Roi des Ombres sure has thought a lot upon this fight, hasn't he? The fact he asked you transform Damoiseau's copies into motionless mirrors to make his own shot bounce in it... Splendide! It was really splendide!

-Haha, thanks, Hunt. He really thinks a lot... He just needs some time to open up to people. Let's be nice to him.

-You three! Move away, pups! The next team has to fight!

-O-oh, yes, sorry, Crewel sir.

[Ended Recording at : 10:30 am : Fourth? Day]

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland fanfiction #twst #twst fanfic #idia x silver

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sixofravens-reads · 4 years

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January Reading Wrap-Up

Don't know if I'll do these every month, but I only read 4 books this month and haven't posted much, so here's a little post/some mini reviews!

Drive Your Plow over the Bones of the Dead - Olga Tokarczuk: the title alone made me really want to read this, but the story was a lot different than I expected. It's less of a murder mystery and more of a character study of the MC, a batty old lady who is like a one-woman PETA branch. I do wish this was either a novella, as you can guess the end pretty easily so a lot of the middle is unnecessary, or longer and told from other perspectives. I did start skipping the long astrology rants near the end lol. I'd give it ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Cemetery Boys - Aiden Thomas: I really liked this book, but it took a loooong time to read cause I got stuck in a book slump. I owe this a reread sometime for sure. It was a really great story, the pacing was good and I felt like I learned a lot about latinx culture and being a trans dude. Also, the MCs are fantastic. They're witty and mature, but not so much that they fall into that "adult writer who forgot what teens are like" category. However, since I read it so slowly I think I forgot entire plot points.... I'll give this ⭐⭐⭐⭐.5

The Fire Never Goes Out - Noelle Stevenson: I looooved this book, read it in about two hours one night! I followed Noelle on tumblr back in the Olden Days of 2012-ish and seeing them become super successful and overcome all these obstacles is inspiring as hell! We also have similar mental health struggles, which was nice (I guess? Reassuring?) to read about. I give this ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The Adventure Zone: Petals to the Metal - The McElroys & Carey Pietsch: I love TAZ and even if this book was a literal potato I would've given it 5 stars! I like that they made it clear earlier on that Hurley and Sloane are lovers, that's something that wasn't explicitly mentioned in the podcast until TTAZZ, I think. And I loved being able to see the race, as I have a hard time visualizing it. I'll rate this one ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

#booklr #book reviews #january reads

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silenthillmutual · 5 years

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alright let’s do this. let’s talk about why dankovsky is definitely trans.

i’m on day 6 now so i guess i’ll add some shit to the pile as it goes along

of course i could make a ton of jokes that are vague gestures like “i, too, am 5′2 and have my bachelor’s degree, so as a gay trans man i of course know one when i see one”. and i can! i do! i can confirm that at 27 we are just Like That. i think there’s also something to be said about him getting called ‘dandy’ and ‘fop’ by people (which, btw, have been used as slang terms for gay men) - something my friends and i all noticed after starting HRT is that we now care way more about our appearances - but that’s more of the same, more on the fun side of personal interpretation.

but since my bachelor’s degree is in being Deeply Disrespectful*, i might as well go over what i consider to be text-based evidence in favor of this interpretation. because this is the kind of thing i do in my spare time, for fun.

at the moment my working memory only gives me three big things to go on:

first, the carouser who suggests that the mara / shabnak-adyr / steppe creature is actually daniil. all of the steppe creatures mentioned in the game thus far, to my knowledge, take on the guise of women. beyond the obvious (daniil being read as a woman, or effeminate in appearance - something i’ll mention in the next point as well), there’s the fact that all of these steppe creatures appear as something that they aren’t. this could work on several levels; by day 6, people are starting to turn on daniil. because he’s become more or less a glorified errand boy and political chess piece, it would be easy to take a step back and see how he’s being scapegoated now. he’s been set up, as an outsider, as an easy target for disdain - all three of the healers have been, which really comes to a head for him & clara specifically in day 6 (artemiy has been getting it from the first day but by day 6 has disappeared). and although this rumor about daniil comes from talking to the carouser, talking to the teenage boy and the tot will reveal that other NPCs are starting to see him as a failure, too; the tot specifically says “we are so, so afraid of you”. daniil gets called a Harbinger of Death. but this takes on an extra layer of meaning if daniil is in danger of being read as lying about who he is, in terms of gender (which i’ll talk about in point 3).

second, and this isn’t specifically about daniil being trans - but i think he’s almost definitely meant to be read as queer, but maybe with the exact label being open to interpretation. he gets called a fop and a dandy, both of which refer to foolish and vain men who spend too much time focused on their appearance (so it’s kind of funny that he can comment on the wealthy man npc and ask him about the “mad tailor” who came up with his outfit. is daniil insulting it, or is he looking to buy it?) - but those are also both terms that have been used as slang to describe gay men. i’ve seen it mentioned before that although this game doesn’t have dating sim elements in it that daniil can flirt with maria and eva...but honestly? he has flirtatious dialogue with pretty much everyone within his age range. i mean, good god, in artemiy’s route, the his first interaction with daniil includes daniil referencing plato’s description of soulmates to describe them. and artemiy can sleep in his bed. and, actually, with that in mind - rats and dogs aren’t the only ones who take the blame for carrying and spreading disease outbreaks: trans and gay people get thrown under the bus here all the time, too...and daniil is sometimes implied and other times outright accused of being the source of the plague or of its spread. plenty of video games are sloppy, and i could easily handwave something like that...but pathologic is hardly sloppy, so i couldn’t shrug it away here.

last: daniil’s entire route seems to keep circling back to misogyny. in the context of psychological horror, part of what makes the genre its own distinction is bringing the central character’s most secret fears to fruition. this is a staple of the silent hill series; all of alessa’s terrors come to life in silent hill as relentlessly hunted by her mother (while harry, who adores his daughter, has to search to try and find her the whole game, only to fail no matter how well you did), james and angela and eddie are all forced to come to terms with the murders they committed and what that means about them as people, and one of heather’s underlying fears is the terror of sexual assault and pregnancy that leads up to the reveal of how exactly she’s going to give birth to god. and daniil’s route is about uncovering the truth - but the townsfolk’s ideas of uncovering the truth is in brutalizing women, frequently with comments as to how well they perform gender. despite aspity projecting her internalized misogyny on daniil, he has plenty of snarky and furious comments to make about the way women in the town are treated. and here’s what would make this extra horrifying for daniil: they are already starting to turn on him, so what exactly would they do to the doctor they now see as an agent of chaos if he’s outed as afab? the entire context surrounding the townsfolks’ desire to expose women as monsters pulling tricks reeks of transphobia. the steppe creatures do really exist - or at least, one of them does, should you do sticky’s sidequest for day 6 - and you could definitely attribute parts of daniil’s route to be a conflict of old world vs new world, city vs. country, and class oppression - as i think you’re meant to. but the misogyny keeps cropping up the sidelines like veins in an arm. it’s easy to see why mysticism vs. science is a big part of daniil’s journey in the game, and i think it’s (sadly) refreshing to see misogyny shown as an evil, and i get why these things are linked to daniil’s cynical ideas about the nature of humanity and how that’s at war with his being a doctor and the desire to “cure” death or at least extend longevity (it must be hard to want to see a world succeed that wants to see you fail). but what role does misogyny specifically and explicitly play in the horror aspect of his story? (please keep in mind that the realities of how transphobia and [misaimed] misogyny affect trans men needs a lot of nuance; if you are not a trans man yourself, please be open minded to the discussion.)

anyway. that’s what i got so far on my thoughts about the topic... i’m sure i’ll think of more stuff later but it’s like two in the morning and my hyperfix brain should go sleep, lol.

#plato posts #plato plays pathologic #pvp is plato versus player #pathologic spoilers //#despite the title this is actually just headcanon w literary analysis #bachelor deeply disrespectful

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zombiequincy · 4 years

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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela AGE: 21 CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc.

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry)

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise !

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !!

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!!

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation.

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU: MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?: to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people.

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: @bazzardburner cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu @blooming5th @viciousvizard @glacies-tempestatem and whoever else wishes to do this!!

#dash games #// this took ages....

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theboywhocriedbooks · 5 years

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Like a Love Story by Abdi Nazemian

[Goodreads]

It's 1989 in New York City, and for three teens, the world is changing.

Reza is an Iranian boy who has just moved to the city with his mother to live with his stepfather and stepbrother. He's terrified that someone will guess the truth he can barely acknowledge about himself. Reza knows he's gay, but all he knows of gay life are the media's images of men dying of AIDS.

Judy is an aspiring fashion designer who worships her uncle Stephen, a gay man with AIDS who devotes his time to activism as a member of ACT UP. Judy has never imagined finding romance...until she falls for Reza and they start dating.

Art is Judy's best friend, their school's only out and proud teen. He'll never be who his conservative parents want him to be, so he rebels by documenting the AIDS crisis through his photographs.

As Reza and Art grow closer, Reza struggles to find a way out of his deception that won't break Judy's heart--and destroy the most meaningful friendship he's ever known.

Thoughts:

Spoiler-Free Thoughts:

This was a book that I instantly became excited for when I learned what it was about. It discusses queer love, HIV/AIDS, NYC, the late 80’s, and those are all right up my alley. I’ve personally spent a lot of time educating myself about this history, be it in classes such as the one I took that focused on QPoC and HIV/AIDS specifically, or online, so you can say I’m pretty invested. I even wrote my own short story that focuses on similar themes (more on that some other time). Those parts of this book were so great, to an extent. One of my favorite historical moments is the St Patrick's Cathedral protest in the late 80’s, the die-in, where an individual can be heard screaming ‘You’re killing us!” and that made it into this book. So many other important historical moments made it into this book and I think that is its strongest aspect.

I was also excited about this book because it discusses this topic AND is by a person of color, an Iranian American specifically and one of the main characters is Iranian American as well. I felt like, ‘who better to explore themes of love and friendship during this time than someone who was alive during that time and also is a person of color’, aka, a voice I don’t hear enough of when discussing this topic. So much of this book is important! The queer Iranian representation, the queer youth rep during this time in history, queer sex + safe sex, the iconic activism, and even just some of the general references. I respect this book for that alone, for attempting to tackle it all and doing some of it very well.

Unfortunately, I had a lot of problems throughout the book. I know one or two might be very biased and personal things, but I know there are some I would like others to know or talk about. This includes: love triangle/melodrama?, general pacing, Madonna, the white characters, cis-normativity, privilege, the pov’s, and more. I will discuss that below, so run to read the book (if you want) or continue to read my spoiler-ful thoughts!

Spoiler-ful Thoughts:

I feel like some of what I have to say might be controversial so bear with me. For context, I am a young queer Mexican-American writer from Los Angeles, and that’s where I’m coming from with this, identity wise.

I was so stoked to hear this history told in a PoC perspective but aside from the author being of color, I don’t actually think I got a PoC perspective??? Let me break that down. First of all, the story is a multi-pov that alternates each chapter from Reza, Art, and Judy. Realistically, 1/3 of the story is told from the Iranian American character’s eyes. Then the other two are white characters. That itself is where I began being a little iffy (because, again, I was excited about a young PoC pov on this topic) but I was open, especially because I enjoyed them all in the beginning. I just didn’t understand why we needed a straight ally’s point of view? Overall her arc fell flat, aside from the cute moments of fashion design or that moment with Reza’s brother surprisingly. I would have been okay/would have preferred if it was just Reza and Art’s pov though.

In relation to Judy, the whole romance between her and Reza and then Reza and Art was so overblown and unnecessary. Reza didn’t need to date her, though that is a valid and relatable gay teen feels. I wish it ended in that “oh!!! you’re gay, wait!! lol let’s be friends then!” thing. Instead, she’s in love with him for half the book, super pushy with sex and gets extremely upset with Art for… liking Reza, and then you don’t ‘see’ her much throughout the rest of the novel anyway? It just felt so unnecessary, and so love-triangle-y. I did really like Art’s “you don’t understand how it is to like someone and be gay” speech cos felt valid to gay teen vibes, but that could have just been said in a way less dramatic argument? It really made no sense to me.

Before we leave Judy, lets touch on privilege, specifically white privilege and class privilege. Reza’s family, was once poor but now filthy rich. Art’s family, filthy rich and white. Judy’s family, allegedly shown to not be ‘rich’ by the two lines that say “my friends’ rich parents gifted us that cos we’re not as rich as my rich friends” and yet there is really no discussion on that any deeper than that. Like why are her parents not shown working, her mother especially? And her uncle? He lives alone in an apartment in the upper east side or whatever, and doesn’t work anymore? I might have missed that but I shouldn’t be able to just ‘miss that.’ Like, how did they pay to go to PARIS. It just didn’t at all feel like a story I could relate to or one that this history could relate to entirely. Like, even them having a whole ass wake/party thing for her uncle in a night club? Most people who died of AIDS complications didn’t get that, especially not ones who aren’t from ‘not-rich-families’. It was subtle and yet the smell of privilege was everywhere.

Then even Art and Reza’s relationship was also weird? It was forbidden then it immediately wasn’t and they were in love, due to one or two time jumps that really did not help to build their relationship at all. Okay though, some teens love easily, especially gay teens who don’t know many other gay teens so it could slide? Then, however, there is this really real and valid fear ingrained in Reza regarding AIDS and gay sex. He is terrified, and I loved (and hurt) for how terrified he was because it felt reasonable. What I didn’t love was, knowing this, Art was also super pushy sexually? Do you realize he, at multiple times, tried to pressure Reza into sex and once even got naked and pushed his body against him? Doing this after full well knowing how uncomfortable Reza was? No, thank you. From the author’s note in the book, I felt like MAYBE this could have been intentional and not meant to be an extremely positive? While that could be a stretch, it also doesn’t at all criticize or directly address this toxic behavior so boop.

This brings me back to not feeling like I get a QPoC perspective. Reza is our main queer person of color, and really the only prominent one (Jimmy was a rather flat character). Yet, everything else revolves around whiteness. I already addressed Judy taking up space as a narrator. Then there is Art, the super queer activist teen. He is mostly where Reza learns all the queer things from, and he is mostly the perspective where we see the queer action/activism from. Then, who is the elder HE learned everything from? Stephen, the gay white poz uncle of Judy. THEN, who do they frame EVERYTHING around? Madonna, the straight white woman.

Sure we hear about Stephan’s deceased Latino boyfriend and, as I said, Jimmy didn’t have much character to him aside from wearing a fur coat, saying “my black ass,” and helping move Stephan’s character along. He also has one of the few lines that directly addressed qpoc, where he says qpoc are disproportionally affected by AIDS but no one is talking about it. Ironic. It almost rarely addressed PoC throughout the rest of the novel. Heck, it almost never addressed trans characters either. What about the qpoc and trans woc who were foundational to queer rights movements that take place before this book? Sure he name drops Marsha P. Johnson, in passing, on the last page of this 400 page book, but why not mention them in depth even in one section?

Someone asked me, why does the author HAVE to do all of this. Why do they have to representing everyone, like Black trans women. Isn’t that unfair? My answer is no, it’s not unfair in situations like this. This author isn’t writing just a casual romance/friendship story. No, he is heavily touching on so much literal queer history and yet leaving out so many key players that are so often left out because of white-washing that happens in history. He didn’t even have to name these people, but just addressing that they are there as a community. Instead we get two or three throwaway lines about Ball culture after they “went to a ball that one time,” a random line from Jimmy, and a Marsha P. Johnson name drop at the end. It is honestly disappointing.

Even framing everything in the words of Madonna was a bit much for me. Sure, I know of her history and importance to queers so this is one of the more biased parts of this review. I just don’t think we needed several references to her every other page. I then screamed when, not only did we time jump like 20+ years (gays don’t do math, sorry) and the last quote is Lady Gaga! Oh, my god. I won’t linger on the white popstar allies because it’s not worth it. In regards to that time jump, though. It felt unnecessary as well, just trying to tie it all up with a bow. It’s reference to Pulse seemed random, and honestly felt a bit cheap, but so did lots of the things I’ve referenced.

Lastly, why did Art abruptly lick Reza’s lips out of nowhere, or when he was angry it was shown by saying “ and his brow sweats”? Anyway, I’m bummed out. I haven’t been reading as much this year or writing reviews but here I am, writing a novel-sized review basically dragging this book. I liked it enough to finish, and I think it’s important. I know some queer kids reading this will love it and learn from it but I just couldn’t help but realize that right under the surface, this book was sort of a let-down.

Thanks if you read all of this, and also sorry at the same time. Share your thoughts!

#this is a pretty blah review - the book was just a bit disappointing #2019 #Like a Love Story #abdi nazemian #the boy who cried books #3/5 #review

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