#because even though it kinda feels like i've been stuck in place without changing these past few years i'm not unhappy.

[snowflop]

[yurtb0y]

GNAWING ON THAT OC GIVE ME INFORMATION

YESYES OKAY!!! *inhale* SO.

(this all might change later since he's still pretty new)

General info I guess (haven't fleshed out his backstory much yet.)

was a Catholic priest before the AM takeover (obvis)

he's roughly in his mid/late 30's- early 40's

he doesn't have a name yet because I'm stupid.

He lived in the United States when AM attacked. He was born in Poland and moved to the US in his mid 20's. (probably someplace like Texas or Utah... )

probably gay or in some way queer but DEEPLY in denial. (also in my mind IHNMAIMS takes place in the 60s/70s somewhere around that time so like... y'know... also makes room for the religious guilt plotline.)

Kinda stopped believing in god after long enough in AM's complex because like really who wouldn't. throwback to Ted's entire spiel about AM being god y'know the one.( Ik that wasn't meant litterally but the sentiment still works.)

As for his relationship with the other survivors and his torture.

Ellen- He'd most likely be less harsh on her and not really like.... *ahem*. use her. He'd always been a pretty compassionate man he was never like the freaky creep kind of priest/pastor. He can most likely sympathize with her past a bit as well- or atleast as much of it as she's willing to share which I imagine isn't much.

Nimdok- This mf is Polish. He does not like Nimdok. (If we're talking game Nimdok which is what I'm basing this... AU, I guess? off of.) I don't think they'd actively beef but they'd prolly just try to avoid eachother within the group. In terms of book Nimdok I think there's a slight possibility they could've gotten along. Honestly for Nimdok like... (Idr if where I saw this I think it was from a fic somewhere) but I like the idea that he wasn't actually a n*zi but since it's mentioned his memory is fucked AM just convinced him and the others he was so pin them against him and fuck with him some more. idk man allied mastercomputer behaviour. It also makes me dread thinking about him a little less.

Gorrister- Surprisingly, I think they'd get along. Even if they don't share a religion I think they'd find solace in confiding their guilts in eachother, esp with Gorrister's guilt over what happened with Glynis-- also since it's mentioned in the book Gorrister used to be an activist (which I think is more interesting than his trucker backstory from the game so I'm sticking with the activist storyline.) I feel like he's the least likely to be quite as homophobic as the others (cause let's be real here.) so maybe. MAYBE. He'd eventually try talking about some of those buried up feelings with Gorrister. Unlikely though. Overall I think they could be the closest thing to friends I can imagine with their situation.

Benny- I think they could've gotten along pre-monkey'd, (For Benny I like to combine his book and game backstory in my mind so tldr he was a professor and was later fired when it was discovered he was gay and then the enlisted in the military and killed 3 people. boom.) I think Priest oc would've respected them but after the monkey moment I feel like he'd kinda treat him like the family dog just as the other survivors do.

Ted- Ohhh boy. I have some words I'm not sure I'm allowed to use on Tumblr. They'd either get along or beef or some secret third evil and more sinister thing. Toxic without the yaoi. They make eachother worse. I need to map my thoughts out better before I write anything about them out. giggles but not in a good way.

wow I really used this as an excuse to dump about my ideas for the other survivors too huh.

Whilst I haven't sat down to ponder how AM would fuck with him I do know I wanna play off the theme of guilt somehow. I can imagine him being ripped apart by wolves for some reason that's just been like stuck in my head the whole time I've been typing all this out. Also maybe almost something with sacrificial themes? I'm kinda thinking about how Benny's part in the game ends for inspo on that it's hitting the right vibe. Please don't cancel me I'm Polish and all my family is Catholic.

Annon I hoped you liked reading this cause I had fun writing it. Also here he is again for anyone who's seeing this but didn't see the og post.

also I'm SO open to name suggestions for this freak cause I've got NOTHING.

[mdhwrites]

I don't know if you've watched Gravity Falls or been deep in the fandom but I just realized how similar Luz and Mabel kinda are. They're both young quirky girls whose selfish actions helped the main villain achieve their goal (supposedly, in Luz's case) and learn the lesson of facing reality instead of being stuck in a fantasy world where they get everything they want (although Luz doesn't really learn this even though it was kinda set-up for her in s1) (they also have a girl rival with shit parents that the fandom ships them with but anyway-)

I'm not saying this to shit on Luz though, I like Luz. But it mind boggles me how Mabel gets shitted on way more than her does despite being younger, actually learning her lesson, and apologizing for it. It might because they're different shows but I know a lot of TOH fans were/are GF fans because of the creators' relationship so the fandoms aren't that different from one another. It MIGHT be because Mabel trusted Blendin so easily despite the situation being shady as hell (while Luz just thought Philip was a normal human in the demon realm) but to be fair, Mabel was cornered in a moment of vulnerability and she literally didn't even know what she was giving him. Abandoning her friends and family for her own fantasy land while an apocalypse going on was really horrible, I won't deny that, but Luz also pretty much did the same when she chose the demon realm (place she doesn't know anything about with STRANGERS) over her own world in the first episode. Sure there wasn't anything horrific going on in the human realm so her ignorance of it wasn't as bad as Mabel's– BUT THEN in TTT she thinks of leaving everyone behind by staying in the human realm while the Collector was doing who knows what???

I don't know, this might be kinda petty, I haven't rewatched GF in ages, but I just think it's unfair Mabel gets more hate than Luz. I feel she's had more character progression compared to the latter and at least she always got called out when she did something wrong and learned from it.

So take all of this with a grain of salt because while I've heard a little of this discourse, I haven't watched a lot of Gravity Falls (recently tried again and found myself not loving the first episode if I'm honest) and have never been a part of its fandom. However, this is a chance to talk about why Luz is so liked and 'relatable' to so many because it is not hard to figure out why people like Luz. Why? Well... A lot of it comes down to framing and how the two shows see the two girls.

Gravity Falls sees Mabel as a tweenage girl.

The Owl House sees Luz as the embodiment of what a teenage nerd wishes they were/could be.

Those are VERY different goals and framing.

One, Mabel, is going to be INCREDIBLY fallible. Neither her or Dipper are anywhere close to perfect people because... Well, they're teenagers. They get way too into certain things. They're awkward when it comes to those obsessions. They're awkward about how to deal with change, consequences, etc. like that because that's just the age they are. They're figuring out the world and are going to run face first into it and that will be awkward, clumsy and often destructive without any sort of excuse besides they didn't think the consequences through. That's kids for you.

The other is... More idealistic. Luz doesn't face real consequences for testing her boundaries and is always bailed out. When she fucks up, she always does it with the best intentions and/or no one actually gets hurt. People coddle her and always make concessions to her desires with minimal push back and always end up on her side unless they're just a REALLY big meanie head. She always makes peoples' lives better, she never gets real criticism or ridicule for her interests and is always accepted by the right people for those interests. Always given more and more for being her quirky self!

A lot of this for Luz is because she's an audience surrogate and TOH wants the audience to feel good about themselves. It knows that a lot of nerds will be the ones watching it and leans in. This is actually contrasted by the fact that, well, Mabel isn't the audience surrogate or the absolute primary character of Gravity Falls. Her role is more complicated versus Dipper who IS the nerdy one who's closer to being the audience surrogate.

Just to really drive this home: People on my Discord have talked about this and one of the biggest 'crimes' as seen by a lot of the fandom is that Mabel causes Dipper to lose out on his dream of researching with Ford and staying in Gravity Falls. I could even see some arguments of things like "He's planning a future!" or "He's making the world better!"

But... Let's shift the framing for a moment from "Mabel caused Dipper to give up on his dream" to "Mabel made sure Dipper chose reality over fantasy." After all, his desire was to throw away his friends, his family, EVERYTHING to just continue hanging out with this one old dude and studying the weird phenomenon of the world, an inherently isolating job. He gets to go on this big adventure and follow his intellectual drive... At the cost of reality and everything he has known.

So why don't people get upset at Dipper for trying to do this? Well, there's a lot of potential reasons that I can't really narrow down without watching the show. It may have just been framed as a positive while Mabel's is framed as negative. It could be that while Mabel's is just a generic, girly fantasy that not much of the core audience actually wants, Dipper's is the cool, smart fantasy that is totally not just a fantasy, but a CAREER. Or it could go back to the root problem: Because Dipper is closer to the audience surrogate, closer to the main character, there is a bias to inherently see his actions as good. We could literally watch two characters do the same thing and we will root for the main character simply because that is who we are trained to root for.

A great example of this from TOH is how Luz is allowed to get mad at people for lying to her but not the other way around. She literally attacks Eda and gets the two captured in Titan, Where Art Thou? because Eda lied to her and she is supposed to feel justified in this anger to make the tragedy angle work. Meanwhile, there is ONE time when anyone gets mad at Luz for lying and honestly, the framing and reactions cause it to end up feeling much more like it was just for a prettier scene change during Reaching Out. After all, Amity still wants to fix Luz's pain before Luz even apologizes for breaking her word by lying. So why doesn't anyone call out the hypocrisy here? Why is NO ONE allowed to get upset with Luz about this?

Because she's the main character. Because we are trained to root for her and, well, Luz also is the one we are told to want to be. She is the every nerd. She is meant to connect to a very wide net of outcasts who feel like they don't belong and wish things were different. Wishes people weren't mean to them or didn't get mad at them when they made mistakes. That just let them be the hero of their own story.

So of course, they don't want Luz to be yelled at, even when that is the actually human and reasonable thing for someone to do. They don't want to question what she does so when the show gives them an excuse, or they have to go to reality if the show itself doesn't give an excuse (This is why people emphasize Luz's age and nuerodivergence to excuse her while bluntly ignoring Mabel's age when it comes to her actions), so that they don't have to recognize that Luz does some REALLY shitty things, especially in the back half of the show. It is simply more convenient for the narrative they want out of the show for Luz to be this way.

And that is okay from a casual standpoint. A lot of fiction is escapist. There's nothing wrong with wanting to jump into a world where you're never actually wrong and never in trouble. Where your angst is always met with hugs and understanding rather than actual human emotion. That's how media works. Most mass appeal products are escapist. It's part of why the Isekai genre is SO prevalent right now because it is one of the purest forms of escapist fiction out there, especially due to modern isekai tropes.

But if you're going to talk critically about something, escapism is very rarely a good jumping off point for it. It will make you ignore a LOT about the work because it's uncomfortable for you to ask questions about it. I'm not talking about "Why does this world have magic" sort of things mind you. I'm talking about, say, "Why does this character get so many power ups, so easily, and with little effort in earning them?" When you want escapism, the pacing won't bother you. If you're actually looking at themes and payoffs, it will bother you a LOT. And yes, this does tie into TOH because if you want to be Luz, getting the glyphs feels great! If you actually interrogate the story, you go "Wait, they hadn't actually done like... ANYTHING with her not having magic in a magical world and she already gets a spell? And two of these spells she does literally nothing for. Arguably three since she is put into timeout as a punishment and gets the glyph I guess for being a bad person." That TOTALLY is good storytelling and makes sense with positive themes and proper explorations of its own ideas.

*sigh*

It's a rough push and pull and it can make it so people, even if they like the show, who disagree with the popular opinion, the one that usually lifts up the audience flattering elements the most, are just in a rough position where they hear the same opinions over and over again. All while knowing that if they speak up, they'll be stomped on.

Just like Mabel was while Dipper was raised into the spotlight. At least by the fandom.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[anthraxplus]

forgive me for writing so much about tumblr but i have a lot of thoughts

here's the thing about tumblr. i've found it interesting how we continue to call our profiles our "blogs" even though they function differently to the common idea of a blog (like livejournal). but in a way, calling our profiles our blogs makes sense. they're our place to post things we've made or repost content we like. it's more personal than twitter, which has an "information" or "discourse" lens applied to it. the focus on twitter has increasingly been to encourage sharing of information (i.e news or opinions). tumblr's focus has always (afaict) been to encourage sharing of our creations, kinda lumping blogging in there as "self expression" or something to that effect. technically speaking, artists should be more at home on tumblr than on twitter.

but people using their blog as ONLY a blog (no reblogs, just their thoughts or creations - like a livejournal) are in the minority on this site, right? make no mistake, i follow tons of artists who use their blog in a very focused way, but mostly we're all reblogging other people's posts, putting their art on our blogs and riffing in the tags on people's jokes. it is very much a site of Content, Things To Share. the fact that we can blog on here almost feels oddly secondary. but, ok. tumblr is a site for people to post their creations/content, and said content finds an audience through being discovered or reblogged.

so why is it so damn hard to find anything?

like, ok, obviously we can do that. type words into the search bar and you will definitely find posts. but dont you often wonder why the hell some posts showed up in your search and others didnt?

you're telling me filtering searches by top posts of all time isnt showing me the post that has this exact string of text (+- punctuation), but is showing me posts that... have those words in them, scattered, and sometimes not even that exact word ("piss" vs "pissing")?

what about when you try to search for a word or phrase that you KNOW is on a blog in some post, but searching for it brings up NOTHING? i just had to deal with this when searching someone's blog for a specific post i had just seen on my dash - i can only imagine tumblr told me no such post existed because it wasnt tagged with that word.

and all of this feels so obviously wrong, right? even without tags, we should be able to search for words or phrases in a more reliable way on both the site and our blogs. i dont think im alone in the thought that the search function is almost useless - even if it gives me what im looking for sometimes, it can be a struggle, and mostly it just doesnt feel worth it. this is how we can keep ourselves in insular circles and struggle to break out of them. it is literally easier to do this than it is to find new shit.

so, yknow, staff isnt wrong when they say this:

tumblr does need growth, but not necessarily by attracting new users (though, idk, i wouldn't mind that). tumblr needs internal growth. this site is stuck in the early 2010s in a way that is baffling to me, and it has continuously failed to adapt to its userbase's needs in a way that honestly doesnt make sense, and when they do change something, it just ends up causing more strife between staff and users.

so, for example: tumblr needs money to keep functioning, obviously. the common practice is to have ads on the site. but oops, the ads suck and everyone hates them. ok, allow users the option to pay to get rid of ads. but oops, a lot of people dont want to give money to the site that continuously breaks itself (among many other complaints). ok, meet users in the middle and allow them to pay to advertise their stuff - this should be, like, the perfect mix of everything, right? being able to advertise your content on the content site? but oops, this is only a good option because finding new content is so goddamn hard that random people shoving their posts onto your dash is the only remaining viable option. when you have to rely on pure chance/luck for your posts to even be found, even when you do everything in your power to increase their visibility, you're not gonna want to stay here.

i feel like addressing the search function should be the staff's top priority before they implement anything else. we need to be able to find content on the content site. i think thats pretty obvious. once it works the way it already should have, then they can worry about what comes after. i think people feel this animosity with staff because we're struggling to continue to use this site while they struggle to find ways to get money out of us. i think if people felt they could actually use tumblr in the way it intuitively feels like it should be used, that kind of animosity would be more rare*. but until we get that, any change to the site is going to feel wrong.

fwiw though, i'm glad to see staff say that the site basically doesn't work. like. goddamn. took them long enough. i just hope (probably baselessly) that their acknowledgement of this issue will lead to some fixes that benefit the foundational usage of the site.

*yes, there is animosity towards staff for other reasons - like, yknow, how innocuous selfies of trans women get flagged as "mature" (among other things) - but that's an issue of culture/enforcement and not necessarily the raw function of the site, so i feel like it's best suited for a different post

tl:dr PLEASE FIX THE FUCKING SEARCH FUNCTION, IT NEVER SHOULD'VE BEEN ALLOWED TO BE THIS BAD AND I THINK ITS ISSUES HAVE BEEN A MAJOR REASON FOR TUMBLR'S STEADY DECLINE

[sesshy380]

Bit of a long post inc (and I am most likely overthinking because anxiety tends to make me question if I went about it in the correct manner)

Below the cut because of length. TW: Son questioning sexual/romantic identity

Picked up the oldest from work earlier, which means time we can talk without interruption from others. My boys and I are very open about things, and they know they can come to me with whatever is on their mind. Son is acting a little quiet, so I asked him if there was something he wanted to get off his chest.

Son: Mom, you know (partner) is genderfluid, and I really like them a lot regardless which gender they choose. (note: partner is afab)

Me: Yeah

Son: I'm starting to wonder if I'm pan.

Me: Okay. Do you feel comfortable with that label?

Son: I don't know. I'm just confused. Like, I know I find femboys cute, and that confuses me too. But I don't think those things about people that are obviously boys. Though I did find (transmasc friend) cute for awhile.

Me: Do you feel attraction on a sexual level, meaning you look at the person and want sex, or is it on a romantic level where you just enjoy being in their presence and want cuddles and stuff?

Son: Mostly the cuddles and stuff. If it leads to sex, then it does, but the idea kinda scares me.

Me: Why does it scare you?

Son: I don't know. It just does.

Me: Okay. New question. Do you feel it's important to have a label?

Son: *thinks for a long moment* Yes and no? Like, I want to have something to identify as, even if I don't share it with everyone. Just something so I can understand myself better. Kinda like you with you being ace.

Me: And that's fine. I only ask because sometimes you realize the label isn't as important as you thought.

*song we both like comes on and topic changes*

There's no 'one-size-fits-all' guidebook to parenting, and I try my damnedest to be open-minded and encouraging and I try to offer some sort of guidance...but it's fucking hard when I am just as fucking clueless as they are. I'm nearly 40 and still fumbling around trying to figure out things myself.

Like I said at the beginning, anxiety probably has me overthinking, but I am stuck wondering if I there was a different question I could have asked to help him figure things out, or if maybe I should have worded things differently?

All I have to go based off of is the millions of articles I've read online while trying to figure out my own identity, because I was so sick of feeling 'broken' and 'wrong'. I don't want him to think those things about himself. I don't want him to feel like he's dying inside because he's not 'right'.

idk at the moment. It was kinda out of the blue so I wasn't prepared on how to answer. Would love some input from those who have been in his place. Is there something that either your parent's did, or maybe you wish they'd done, when you came out? Was there a better way for me to discuss this topic with him? I'm certain it will come up again, and I'd like to be able to offer him any advice that I can. I don't want to have to rely on him searching through dozens of articles on Google and not find the direct answer he's searching for (because fuck, it is maddening to find a dozen 'medical/mental health standpoint' articles and feeling even worse).

[frances-and-the-moon]

I have no one to talk to and I feel a bit like a failure in life now even though I know I'm not a failure so I'm going to use tumblr as my diary from now on.

My family is still narcissistic - nothing has changed. My mother stomps constantly and is depressed and so is my sister. I think this town really brings out the worst in people, because there's nothing to do. So I have to do stuff by myself, and I have to start all over again.

I only see my psychiatrist once a week and no other people, but I have to stop doing that this week because it's too expensive and I have no money.

I am looking for a job online - a job is the only thing that can save me now. I've been trying to get into teaching in Italy but I haven't had any luck so far.

Since I don't know where I want to live and what I want to do, and since my family is now completely fucked, I can only rely on myself and other people. Since my dad died I became the scapegoat.

So I was thinking of getting a job somewhere and then moving to Australia or back to Iceland, or keep sending CVs and seize the opportunities. But the opportunities aren't coming.

I left Iceland because I didn't know which job to do but I have the same conundrum in Italy. Since I don't want to live here, I have to make a plan to either seize any job I can get, or move out in a couple of months or so. I'm not too sure about Australia but it seems like getting jobs is easy there. Iceland was a social wasteland, but Italy is too - all my friends have drifted apart and everyone has their own life now.

So it's either I find a job I really like, or I move back to Iceland, or I go to Australia, although I don't know which jobs I could get there. They also told me it's very very expensive.

I made Iceland my home for two years and I don't regret it. I had a nice house and I only chose jobs I liked, even though they weren't "permanent" jobs. I didn't mind that because I wanted to live there.

I have pretty dresses and makeup but I don't use them 'cause I never go out. That was the same in Iceland after a time.

I guess I'm in the midst of a life crisis which is ok. I know most of my friends have experienced it, too. Some decided to get government positions here and others just moved away.

The thing is, I've moved away so many times now I'm scared to do it and start all over again. Even though I send job applications I almost never get a response.

My professor has told me I could do a phd in Naples, but I haven't given her an answer yet.

I feel like I'm self-sabotaging (and self-sacrificing) myself because of the environment I live in.

I guess I was let down by most people who live here but I now realize it's kind of normal - I haven't been here for 2 years so I lost most of my friends and connections.

I know I have to start something, but I don't know what. I never moved abroad to work - only to study.

Now it's been one year and a half without a job. Not really cause I've been doing freelancing, but.

I think I may be not very motivated to move out or move abroad again, because it means working and since I don't know what to do or where to go or where I can feel most at home, I'm kinda stuck.

I'm stuck because my life was in Iceland up to one year ago, so starting over again - that's very tiring.

But I left Iceland because I kept comparing my life to those of people who moved abroad when they were much much younger and it always seemed to me like they had chosen the better country, compared to me.

They also didn't know what they wanted to do there, they just knew they wanted to live there and made their friends there and boyfriends etc.

I also had a boyfriend in Iceland. Then I thought: the language is too hard, it's not worth it, etc. I miss him a lot.

In a way it wasn't. It wasn't easy finding jobs, not like a place like Scotland and the "friends" I know who moved there did it when they were much younger anyway.

So that's why I thought about Australia - but I feel it might be another escape, and who is to say I'm going to like it?

I was veery motivated to live in Iceland but, again - no specific degree, not speaking the language were the reasons I left.

I think the point in life is to resist and insist in your goals, that's very important. I feel my goals are different from the people living in this tiny town.

That is why I want to leave.

[and-stir-the-stars]

I've been struck by an idea or two, and I wonder about your thoughts on one of them.

For the Silent Protector AU, do you think William ever goes to get springlocked? Or does that happen in a different Freddy's location.

Since my version has William being afraid of Evan, I'm not sure how that would play out, unless he goes there looking for Michael (since he knows about the ghost of Evan but not the others). My guess is that he'd disassemble the animatronics for their Remnant, but he would also hope Michael is in one, so he can take him home to "fix" him like he wants to do with his two other kids.

Granted, the logistics of this whole thing are failing me, and I feel like he wouldn't even have a chance to start tearing apart the animatronics before Evan intervenes. And if something were to happen, say he manages to capture the spirits' Protector, a different protector would have to step up...

I realize that this is basically just me brainstorming in your ask box, but I'd love to hear your thoughts as well!

okay i'm sorry in advance if my response doesn't really help all that much; it's kinda difficult to reply given that I don't know what all you have changed/will change from my idea of the au and it's hard to give a response accordingly, but I'll do my best!

I haven't been giving William much thought in this au, but the idea that William knows Evan is "possessing" Fredbear is an intriguing one. My first thought upon reading that detail in your ask was that it reminded me of another post by @catwithacupofcoffee about William finding Evan's ghost and killing kids to give his son playmates. My initial response was maybe William does something similar (likely with the ulterior motive of doing experiments on the possessed spirits as well), and that's why the kids are possessing the other animatronics-- only Evan doesn't respond well upon witnessing his father murder other kids. Maybe Evan gets violent from fear and confusion, and William abandons his experiments and his son to save his own life. That could potentially explain William being afraid of Evan, provide more context as to why Evan feels such violent hatred/fear of adults (on top of everything else, Evan ends up getting left to rot in the Fredbear suit by his own father, after witnessing his father kill other kids), and further explain why Evan is so protective of the other kids. He feels it's his fault they died, after all. I still haven't decided for myself whether or not the animatronics were possessed when Evan becomes "active," so to speak, in my version of the au, but maybe that random perspective can inspire something in your version?

Then, William learns about Michael's death, somehow. And suddenly, all three of William's children are possessing animatronics, as though just waiting for him to come and put them all together again into what they're supposed to be. William has spent a lot of time since Evan's death learning about Remnant and ghosts, so after Michael dies, maybe William decides it's time to gather his children in one place. He goes to collect the Remnant and Michael and Evan's souls, but things don't go to plan. I'm kind of hesitant to say that William would "capture" Evan, because that feels like a really permanent change, and like you said-- without Evan to act as a Protector, someone else has to step up, and the original premise of the au kinda... falls apart. But, maybe all the ghost spirits rise up and put an end to William's reign of terror once and for all. Maybe William didn't even realize Evan and the ghost kids could project their forms outside of the suits; maybe when he left Evan, Ev didn't have the strength to project his form and was still stuck inside Fredbear. If the Spring Bonnie suit is still there, maybe the ghosts chase him into it and he gets springlocked like in canon; if not, then these kids have spent years dealing with night guards. They have no shortage of ways to kill. (of course, William "always comes back," so maybe he manages to find a way to weasel out of it...)

William coming into the story could be the "grand finale" so to speak: the kids get their resolution by getting revenge on the man who killed them as well as resolving their emotional trauma through their friendship with Evan (and Michael?), and Ev and Michael face their brotherly issues by working together to save each other and the other ghost kids from their father.

[fuesch]

Good news, everyone! I've finished the binge from hell (Criminal Minds).

What made it hellish was that I just could not stop. I don't know if it was also something about the show or just my out-of-control ADHD using this as an excuse to ignore my to-do list. And so this binge took under 2 months, which - FUN FACT! - is shorter than finding a doc these days to get an ADHD diagnosis from (the German healthcare system has such a good reputation, but honestly, shit's been going down the drain since before Covid - and I say that as a city dweller).

If you're wondering how my fragile mind managed to handle this non-stop input of murder and various forms of torture:

Ignore the cases or try to enjoy them as revenge fantasies.

Focus on the team and all the "Hey, I know you from this/that/everywhere!" guest stars instead.

Crochet while watching. I've made such progress, the first of my cherry-pit socks is nearly finished!

I can't believe how long it's been since I've properly watched TV: The season I'm most familiar with is 2! Since other factors hadn't come into play yet, I suspect what caused this was a deterioration in adhering to a schedule (hm, parallel with rl, so I guess due to not being bound by a rl schedule, I slowly lost the ability to keep up with the TV schedule) and my growing passionate hatred of annoying commercials which had led me to getting stuck on Nickelodeon (their ads were also annoying, iirc, but ... uh, idk, can't remember), a documentary channel and CNN (International, that is - such bearable commercials, they should be the model for all).

I liked all the women on the team, which must have been a first. I couldn't tell you a favorite, because every one of them is great in her own way. Let me point out Garcia though, for giving me back the joy of hair decorations. Huh, I thought not having NCIS's Abby in my life anymore didn't impact me, but Garcia made me realize that without Abby my encouragement was gone. Man, do I hate that I need continual encouragement to be myself! So there's another CM binge and the long-time-coming NCIS rewatch with making caps of my girls in my future. Maybe I'll make myself a motivational collage and hang it on the wall above my monitor.

Anyway, on to the team's men! *sigh* Those were mixed bag for me. I mean, nobody was really bad, but it did span the whole range of chest-thumping type (which ugh - although Morgan's relationship with Garcia remains the best thing, they were close and cute but not a thing and that's the queerplatonic shit I wanna see everywhere, fuck yeah!) to guy who's just, idk, there and the that's-my-boy guy. My boy was and still is Reid *pat pat*. And as a bonus during this binge he functioned as my Peter Maximoff substitute. He did that not only by being my fave, but for example also by having messy lightbrown hair. Which, sure, isn't Peter, but it is Evan Peters (I'd like to take this moment to thank the writers for all the Evans and Peterss they put in and the casting person for that one time we got actual EP), who usually is my PM substitute. Hmph, I didn't talk about Spence as much as I meant to, but where to even begin?

How did everyone feel about the revival? It wasn't bad, but it didn't quite feel like previous seasons. I'm not that good at finding out what is bothering me about stuff, so it might have been more things besides it feeling darker visually and too much swearing (I'm generally not against it, but after 15 seasons of it not being there, it just felt so out of place). I wasn't happy with the lack of my boy, but if there's one thing this revival did right, it was the absence of change in the meantime (except for what they put Rossi through), Reid as well as everyone else still worked at the BAU, we just didn't see him and Simmons because they were on assignment.

I kinda want to talk about ALL the things, but I wouldn't be able to remember all that I want and writing all that I do would take sooo long. So if anyone wants to talk about anything specific, I'm here.

[dancing-to-architecture]

41 - Otis Redding - Otis Blue

Welp, all I know of Otis Redding is "(Sitting On) The Dock of the Bay" and that he wrote Respect before Aretha covered it and effectively made it hers.

Wikipedia says this is (paraphrased) mostly a cover album. Otherwise, I'm going in blind on this one.

•Ole Man Trouble-

It's ostensibly a blues album, and this is an amazing first track; a blues song about getting stuck in the dumps again and again and again. Fuck Ole Man Trouble.

All my homies hate Ole Man Trouble.

Those horns are hot, though! Hoping for a lot more of that coming up.

•Respect-

Okay, I was expecting this, but this version is just WEIRD. The pieces are there, but it's subtly wrong. Lukewarm take: Aretha did it WAY better. This song works so much better as a feminist anthem than it does like this, it's very 'better have my dinner ready when I walk in the door'.

•A Change Is Gonna Come-

Hearing this man's beaten-down and bedraggled optimism about how things have to get better for the black community despite living though a particularly dark part of America's history gave me a bit of hope that, yeah, things have got to get better.

Then, I think about my racist, fascist governor and I can't stop myself from thinking: "well, not fuckin yet, I guess."

Then, I lose myself in thinking about pushing Ronathan Desantis into the industrial crushing machine from the end of 30 Days of Night, and I get just a bit happier.

It's legitimately soul-destroying to think that it's been so long since this song was written and we've gotten to "no no, you see, slavery was good actually because it taught them valuable skills!" and that kinda makes me want to slit my fucking wrists

This country sucks shit.

•Down in the Valley-

As if he knew the last song was gonna be A Bummer, this one is basically "oh yeah, shit SUCKS, but those motherfuckers can't stop us from dancing, even if it's just to spite them."

That said, I really like it. A breath of fresh air.

•I've Been Loving You Too Long-

My man, she's gone. She's checked the fuck out.

She wants out, you said as much. Let her go.

I get that you feel like you can't let go, but you're being the Crab in the goddamn Bucket right now.

(For real, it sucks to be in a one-sided relationship but let them go if they want to leave, and you'll both be happier eventually for it.)

•Shake-

This song has some SERIOUS energy to it. Funky as hell, and the horns are working overtime. If this doesn't make you want to move, you're broken.

I bet this one was a killer at a live set.

•My Girl-

I was initially going to say that this sounds wrong without the Temptation's back-up singers, but the horns actually work pretty well in their place.

Also, god DAMN, the man could sing.

A beautiful cover. I almost like it more than the original, tbh.

•Wonderful World-

Was expecting trees of green and red roses, too, aaaaaaaand now all I can think about is Animal House, a now deeply problematic fave from my younger years. (But still not nearly as problematic as Revenge of the Nerds.)

(For those who aren't familiar, this was a featured song in that film, iirc the last song of the movie that plays over the epilogues.)

I definitely relate to this song though, as I also don't remember much about the French i took, either.

Possibly the most upbeat song so far.

•Rock Me Baby-

2001. Junior year history class taught by one of my all-time favorite teachers: Mr. Bradish.

This song was the given example of how creative people could get around the strict censorship laws in the mid-century like the Hayes code.

"Well, we can't say 'i want you to screw me all night long', but these dipshit honky record executives don't exactly understand what we mean by the word 'rock', they're just snapping their fingers, so we're good."

I simply cannot divorce this song from that moment in time.

That said, A SERIOUS blues guitar solo, hot damn.

•(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction-

To be totally on the level, I was always more of a Beatles fan than a Stones fan.

That said, this cover FUCKING SLAPS!

In a perfect world, this song would be known as an Otis Redding song.

•You Don't Miss Your Water-

The inverse of I've Been Loving You Too Long, and the return of: "Aww, man I've been such a gigantic cheating prick it's been so great, wait, why is my girl leaving me? [Surprised_pikachu.jpg]"

I seriously CAN'T believe how common a subject that has been during this project.

Well, that was an interesting album, all in all. Otis Redding had one hell of a voice, and it's on full display here.

Definitely worth checking out, especially since it's a quick one at like 35 minutes long.

Favorite Track: (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction. It's amazing how much better this song can seem when it's not being sneered at you by a quasi-noncey British multi-millionaire. It comes off much less like the diatribe of a jaded douche when it comes from Otis.

Least Favorite Track: You Don't Miss Your Water.

Yeah, maybe I'm a dyed in the wool wife-guy, but I will never, ever be a fan of the nigh-omnipresent "I'm an asshole, I'm a cheater, wait a minute, why doesn't my partner like me anymore?" song.

[itzy0megaverse]

A!Ryujin marking her S/O O!reader

An : This one's kinda short compared to the other two I've done so far and I'm not too happy with the pace it goes at (it's very quick) but I don't really know what to add to slow it down without dragging it on so much... I'd rather you have a well written sped up version than a dragged out slow version so here... I'm not quite happy with it but I'm ok.

Requested : ✔️

Reader : Gn

Tw : marking, blood, pain (but only after the line), slight symptoms of social anxiety right at the beginning

You can't deny you feel slightly out of place tonight. A group idol who's making their first solo track is hosting a listening party for their album release and Itzy were invited. Then you got invited through Ryujin's plus one. This wasn't great for you. A lot of idols you love surrounding you and you trying to deny the fangirl inside of you wasn't easy at all. So, you stuck religiously by your girlfriends side the whole night.

However, even that's now making you awkward. At the start of the night Ryujin was happy and cheerily introducing you to all her idol friends and semi-showing you off to them. Now though, she's gone really quiet. She's not tugging you along to find her friends like she was before. She's not talking bubbly if friends come up to her like she was before. She's not even smiling like she was before.

You can't exactly pinpoint the moment this started either. You can't pick out the thing that caused this. It was obvious something did happen because there's no reason for this sudden change in mood otherwise. It'd been worrying you for a while now so you'd decided to pull her aside down into a quieter room to talk to her.

"Baby, what's wro-" "Can I mark you?"

.

.

.

You'd started the conversation but didn't know where to take it after Ryujin's confession. She wants to mark you!? Her hand snaps you back into consciousness as it reaches up just below your left ear, fingers caressing the skin there. "Yo-u wanna.. mark. . m-e?" You manage to whisper out. Your girlfriend closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and begins.

"Remember we met up with some Twice members? Sana had her mate with her and they were marked..." Having still held her eyes shut, Ryujin opens them up and starts rambling in a slight panic. "I don't know why but I've not been able to get it out my head the rest of the night and I keep thinking 'what if we were marked' and then every time I look at you I can't help focus on your neck and imagine my mark there I just...."

Taking her hands up to her face in embarrassment, Ryujin calms down from the stress speech she just made. You give her a little time to breath before holding her wrists and gently pulling them from her face. "You really wanna mark me?" You ask cautiously, trying to make eye contact that Ryujin's avoiding. Quietly, she nods her head (yes).

"Can I mark you as well?" Is your next question and her eyes light up and finally meet yours. Nodding her head (yes) more vigorously, her hands cup your cheeks. "You're really ok with it!?" Ryujin asks with hopeful eyes. "Ryujin, you're my girlfriend why wouldn't I be!?" You giggle back. "Can I take you home early then?.... Like right now?" She asks with a wishful smile that you project on your lips too as you pull her in for a kiss.

---------------------------------------------------

Arriving back at her dorms alone, Ryujin immediately shoves you against the door when you're inside and plants her lips on yours. It's not heated in a sexual sense but you're both just rediculously happy and smiling into it. Your hands link behind her neck as hers work to get your coats and shoes off, all while keeping the kiss going.

Finally, back up against the door, Ryujin taps under your thighs signalling you to jump up and wrap them around her waist. You follow your alpha's command and she helps hold you by looping her arms round your thighs and cupping your butt. Still locking your lips together, she pulls you away from the door and carries you all the way back to her room.

Practically throwing you onto the bed, she crawls on top of you with a giant smile reflected from you and leans in once again. Her resting on her elbows as her forearms lay either side of your head and your arms wrapping round her waist, pulling her into a hug.

Leaning up, Ryujin looks into your eyes and tells you her plan. "I wanna mark you just below your ear... Right here." She outlines her words with her finger once again tracing below your left ear. "That's where I want you to mark me as well but I wanna see if we can reach it at the same time." You nod as Ryujin lies back on top of you.

Your lips reach round to the designated spot and kiss it to show her you reached it as Ryujin does the same. You feel her smile against your skin before she whispers into your ear. "Let's mark each other at the same time then." Another peck where she'll mark. "On the count of three ok?" You hold her tighter and whisper "Ok." back.

.

-----------trigger-warning-from-here---------

.

"One." She begins.

"Two." A deep breath in.

"Three." Bite down.

Pain and pleasure mix together in a cocktail of emotions you've never experienced before. The joy of marking someone and knowing they love you enough to mark you back mixed with the ache of teeth in your neck. Thankfully, it's over pretty soon and you feel Ryujin start to release as she taps your cheek lightly to tell you to do the same.

When you do, immediately her lips are back on yours. Smiling as she kisses you, now fully able to enjoy the rush of marking her mate. Ryujin pulls away after a while and pushed herself up on her arms, lower half still resting on the bed but upper half far enough away to look at you. Her face turns into little whiskers as her smile widens at finally getting to see your neck with her mark there. You do something similar except you're more in shock.

Eyeing the mark below her ear, you get lost in your own thoughts. 'She really loves me... She really wanted to mark me.... She really did mark me.... She really let me mark her... She really wanted this badly... She really is my alpha...' Finally, at the end of your train of thoughts, you snap out of it and look back into your alpha's eyes that are still crinkled from smiling so hard.

"Come on..." Ryujin gently says. "Let's go get in the shower and get ready for bed... You're sleeping here tonight." Giggling slightly at her cute demands, you're not complaining at all when Ryujin drags you by the hand to the shower.

[bbyheedeungie]

Fluttering Machinery | Robot! Sunghoon AU

Genre: Fluff, mild angst

Pairings: Robot! Sunghoon x Reader

Warnings: Character death, little suggestive content

Synopsis: Sunghoon was a humanoid built by your father, with the sole purpose of taking care of you once he passes away. But it seems like taking care of you came with discovering emotions that wasn't necessary for cooking, cleaning, and keeping you safe. What is this warm fuzzy feeling that resonates deep inside Sunghoon's mechanism?

It's been months. 6 dreadful months since your father has passed away. The doctors have warned you that he didn't have much time left, but that didn't make the goodbyes hurt any less.

You were 4 years old when your mom left you and your father for another guy. A more successful guy. Your father was bright, with an insatiable hunger for discovery and invention. But his field of work didn't always bring food to the table. And so on most days you had to, well, compromise.

But you loved your father so much, and still do. Although you didn't grow up to be a scientist like him, you knew the basics on automation and robotics. You were 11 years old when you first saw it, the humanoid that he worked on for years came to life before your own very eyes.

He had no skin nor face that made him look human yet. Just a chunk of metal with a head, arms and legs that moved mechanically. Nevertheless, you will never forget the joy and pride in your fathers' face as he watched his creation. The humanoid was a work in progress and you knew one day he's going to change the world. Unbeknownst to you, he was going to change your world.

And now here you are, years into the present as you stood infront of the humanoid who had his eyes shut. Yep, he's a he now. He is Humanoid SH-1282. Your father made him for the purpose of serving the community, to help people. But when he discovered his illness, he started making alterations to his design. He made SH-1282 to serve as the perfect companion, but only to you.

He filled the humanoid's hard drive with everything that he'll need to help you and take care of you. He input cooking, cleaning, and even martial arts. You sighed, remembering your father's last words.

"I'm gonna leave him in your care now, err leave you in his care or whatever. Take good care of each other okay? I love you both so much."

You were such a crybaby, holding on to your father's arm as the nurses were ushering you to wait outside because the doctors are about to perform surgery.

"You'll be okay." Your father mouthed as he smiled knowingly in content.

You reach for the humanoid's neck to find the power button, finally deciding to activate him after holding it off for months.

You held your breath as his eyes open, immediately scanning his surroundings. His eyes land on you, a smile forms on his lips.

"Hi, I'm SH-1282. It's nice to finally meet you, Y/N." He said naturally, offering his hand. If you didn't know any better, you would think he was a normal boy.

You let out a shaky breath as you accept his hand. He frowns, it seems like he is studying your facial expression and posture.

"You seem like you are in distress. Are you alright?" He asks in concern.

"Yeah, I am." You reply weakly.

"Will a hug improve your mood?" He asks. He was programmed to know about the benefits of physical intimacy, but he was also programmed to know consent and so he will not do anything unless you want to.

You contemplated, biting your lip.

"No, thank you." He simply nods, stepping out of his charging port.

"Will you show me around the house?" He asks and you nod.

"Damn this feels so awkward." You think to yourself.

"So here's the living room." You say as SH-1282 takes a good look around the area, his eyes falling to the dirty coffee table with tons of papers stacked messily. The couch looked greasy, with breadcrumbs stuck to the sides of the couch cushions. He scrunches his nose, involuntarily adding a new emotion to his database: disgust.

And as you led him to the kitchen, this emotion intensifies as he sees the containers of Chinese takeouts and cup ramen littered around the counter. He walks to the fridge and finds it empty except for a carton of milk that you put into your cereal for breakfast.

This awakens another emotion for the humanoid, frustration. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he contemplates on what to do with the mess, aka you.

"This won't do. You have been living unhealthily which may reduce your chances of living a long life."

You scoff, "Excuse me?" He gives you a dead stare, an eyebrow raised.

"No, excuse me while I clean up all this. I'll leave you to your own devices, thank you for showing me around today." He says sassily as he goes to find where you hide your cleaning utensils. You stood there dumbfounded.

"Unbelievable." But you let him be anyway. He wasn't wrong, you've been a total mess this past few months but that was all because of the grief. You basically had no family now.

And so for the rest of the day, you lock yourself in your room and do homework. About 5pm, you hear a soft knock at your door.

"Hello, it's me. Can you spare me a minute? I have something to ask of you." You inwardly groan, not really wanting to face the humanoid.

"Can you accompany me to get groceries? I swear this will only happen one time. It is only because I am not yet accustomed to my location. But after I mentally note the directions, you won't have to come with me next time." He didn't really want to bother you, but he knew that going out by himself and getting lost will be much more bothersome for you.

"Sure thing, just let me change into— oh no, you have no other clothes. It's kinda chilly outside today." You mentally facepalm yourself. Why didn't I go shopping for men clothes first before activating him?

"That is fine, I am immune to any temperature." He says as-a-matter-of-fact. You roll your eyes.

"I know that but people will probably get suspicious to see a man walking around in a shirt and jeans when everybody else has coats on. We need you to fit in as much as possible."

You search for your father's old coat that you refused to throw away even months after he's passed.

"Sorry dad, but he kinda needs this right now." And so you dress the humanoid in your oversized university sweatshirt (which surprisingly fits him perfectly) and your father's old coat.

"How do I look? Will I fit in now?" He asks as he scans his appearance in the mirror.

"You look—" absolutely breathtaking. You had every urge to slap yourself. Your father really didn't play around when he made the humanoid's face. He could pass up as an idol. And the cute little mole on his nose was a good addition to his features that made him even more realistic.

"Great. People won't suspect a thing."

The two of you head out. Contrary to your expectations that he would marvel at everything he sees outside, he just casually looks around. You ride the bus together, and the humanoid processes everything that you do, noting how everything works.

What caught you by surprise though, is how he immediately stands up in instinct to let an old lady sit down in his place. He sure was programmed with manners and chivalry. You smiled at the thought.

You made your way inside the grocery store, only intended to grab a basket but the humanoid insisted on a push cart.

"We have so much to buy, I've taken a mental note of everything we'll need." You simply roll your eyes and let him push the cart around as you wandered behind him. You look around as he reads the nutritional facts of every single thing he sees.

"This is definitely going to take a while." You muttered.

"Y/N? Is that you?" A voice squealed. You hissed and attempted to turn away, pretending you didn't see her. The humanoid saw how you reacted and swiftly rushed to your side in a protective stance. The stranger eyes the humanoid, her eyes sparkling at the sight of such a gorgeous man.

"Why hello there. Y/N you didn't tell me you've been busy with your boyfriend, we haven't hung out in a while." Both of your eyes widened at the misunderstanding.

"Oh, no he's not— we aren't—" You tried to explain but she just laughed out loud.

"Look how flustered you are. You know what, it's okay. But we have a lot of catching up to do!" She said, squishing your cheeks in a playful manner.

"So what's your name, handsome stranger?" She asks, turning to the confused humanoid.

"I'm S—"

"Sunghoon! His name is Sunghoon." You blurted out. Sunghoon was the name of your childhood crush when you were like 7 but that'll have to do. Unfortunately, it seems that the humanoid got even more confused.

"I am Y/N's—"

"Neighbor. He lives next door to my apartment. I was just showing him around because he just recently moved into the city." You say quickly. She can't know that you're living with a guy. Even if said guy wasn't human.

"Awww how sweet of you to go shopping with your neighbor." She said, winking at you. She's definitely not convinced.

"I'm Yeonmi, Y/N's friend." She introduced, offering her hand to Sunghoon. He took her hand reluctantly.

"You mean my super obnoxious friend." You roll your eyes.

"Shut up, you love me." She teased. Admittedly, you've been avoiding her for months now. Ever since your father passed, it was as if you didn't want to deal with anyone anymore, with the fear of being left behind again. So you shut everyone out. You know it was a very selfish move and must've made everyone worry, but you have yet to figure out how to fix things back to how it is.

You said your goodbyes not without a long, tight hug from Yeonmi and Sunghoon noticed from his scanners how your vitals greatly improved from it. This made him feel another new emotion: relief. He was very thankful for your friend who made you feel better.

You continue venturing down the aisle of food, and you find the humanoid smiling to himself. He notices your attention on him and he shakes his head, as if shrugging his thoughts off.

"What?" You asked.

"You gave me a name. Although I'm unsure if it is necessary, thank you." He says genuinely as he smiles at you, your heart skipping a beat.

"You're welcome, Sunghoon." You smiled back.

He picked up lots of fruits and vegetables, with you whining the whole time. Your whines unlocked another emotion of his; annoyance.

"No wonder her father thought she is in need of taking care of, she acts like a child." He concludes, running his fingers through his hair as he lets you get an ice cream of your choice. Oddly, seeing a bright smile on your face as you show him what flavor you got seems to put him at ease.

The two of you got home at dawn, with quickly stacking up the groceries into the cabinets and fridge, with you slumping down on the now squeaky clean couch.

It had been quite a long day and you found yourself dozing off. You woke up from the light tap on your shoulder, eyes fixating on Sunghoon with your apron wrapped around his torso.

"I could get used to this." You thought, admiring how adorable the humanoid looked but quickly pushing the thoughts away.

"Sorry to wake you, it's time for dinner." He announces and you lazily nodded, not before yawning and stretching your arms.

"Uhh, what is this?" You asked, eyeing your plate.

"It's your dinner." He says nonchalantly, expecting you to start eating. Your face shows utter disgust at the plate of vegetables.

"Please don't make me eat that." You begged. Sunghoon rolls his eyes; a trait he adapted from spending just a day with you.

"Don't be dramatic, vegetables are good for you." He states, taking the plate from you and attempting to feed you.

"Come on, say ah." He says playfully. After realizing how much you acted like a child, he researched on how to take care of children and downloaded it into his database. You scrunch your nose, leaning away from the food and shooting him a glare.

"Sunghoon, I'm not a kid." You deadpanned.

"Oh, but you won't get your ice cream if you don't eat this." He says, pouting at you teasingly. He's really good at this. With a sigh, you open wide and allow him to feed you.

"Yep, definitely a kid." He thinks to himself as he smiles in satisfaction, another emotion unlocked.

That night, you decided to move his charging port (with his help) from the lab into the spare room of the apartment.

"You know, I'm completely okay with staying at the lab." He reasoned but you quickly hush him.

"Nope. That is no way to treat a person. You deserve your own room, okay? A room that you can fill with your own stuff and decorate with your own preferences. End of discussion." You sassed as you fix his charging port into place. Sunghoon blinked at you, unable to express how grateful he is of how kind you are to him.

"She wants to treat me like a real human being." He thinks, his mechanical heart overwhelmed with gratitude.

Days went on with a routine, with him cleaning all day and you attending online classes. There were occasional bumps in the road, with you getting annoyed with how much of a neat freak he is and him getting irritated with how lazy you are at taking care of yourself. You've also taught him how to watch tv, deciding not to let him use the internet yet because he might gain too much unnecessary information online.

And so on a saturday night, you sat together on the couch as you watched figure skating competitions. Sunghoon was at complete awe the whole time, studying how the skaters moved through the ice.

"I want to skate too." He states absentmindedly, attention still on the television. You smiled, thinking how it was the first time he actually said he wanted something.

"Then let's do it, let's go skating tomorrow." You say, his head immediately shot to you.

"What, really?" Sunghoon asks in disbelief, his eyes widening.

"Yes, really. Although I'm warning you, I don't know how to skate." You laughed, with him chuckling as well.

"Then we'll learn together." He promises.

What a total lie that is. He didn't need to learn, as you watched him move swiftly against the ice, the wind in his hair as he circled around, his focused eyes twinkling in the fairy lights. He looked ethereal. You could have sworn there were tears there as you cheered him on like a proud momma. Ah, they grew up so fast.

People at the park also stopped to watch Sunghoon, whispering about how talented the young man is. His eyes caught yours, and you weren't sure if you were seeing things but you thought you saw him send you a wink and smile.

"The TV been teaching him things." You muttered, blushing but not from the cold. Sunghoon skates towards you, pulling you with him. You're eyes widened in fear.

"N-no Sunghoon I can't—" but he was already leading you through the ice, eyes never leaving yours.

"You can." He whispers, taking you by the waist as he spun you around. You giddily laughed as you threw your arms out, savouring the chilly air. You didn't even notice the people watching and cooing at you as some joined in as well.

That night, Sunghoon felt something he never felt before, and you in a long time. You felt happy.

"Say aaaah~" Sunghoon said as he fed you chicken soup. You caught a cold from skating yesterday and now you're wrapped in a super cozy blanket with Sunghoon worrying about you.

"You know I can feed myself right?" You said, swallowing the food.

"I know, but I just feel responsible because I was the one who wanted to skate. You got sick because of me, and that kinda defeats my purpose because I'm supposed to be keeping you healthy." He rambled. You roll your eyes at him.

"Colds are normal, okay? Besides, I haven't had that much fun in a while. Thank you for that, Sunghoon." You say, reaching up to tussle his hair playfully. He froze, cogs in his mind unable to process as something inside him stirred, but in a pleasant way.

--

"So you dance while rubbing your body on a stranger?" Sunghoon questions, but he's not sure if he wants to know the answer. Tonight, you wore a simple black dress that teasingly showed a little bit of cleavage and a decent length of fabric that hugged tightly around your upper thighs but had a daringly high slit. Sunghoon approves and disapproves at the same time.

"Yeah, it's kinda like that. But don't worry, I won't be doing that. I'll just stay by the bar the whole time." You reassured as you struggled to put on your strappy heels. Sunghoon kneels down infront of you and helps you clasp the straps around your ankles, handling it very delicately. Your heart thumps as he looks up at you.

"Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you?" He asks for the fifth time as he follows you around the house like a puppy. You sigh, actually considering it. Although it was supposed to be a girl's night according to Yeonmi, you thought maybe having Sunghoon tag along wouldn't do harm.

But it did. It did harm to you, alright. And you wanted to harm those girls who kept on grinding their asses onto Sunghoon as slow, sexy music played. You were fuming, regretting dressing Sunghoon in such fashion that screamed big D energy. Why am I being so possessive? But then again, Sunghoon does look uncomfortable. I should go save him. Yeah, I'll do that.

"Hold my drink." You tell Yeonmi as you made your way to Sunghoon.

"You go girl! Get your man!" Yeonmi cheered drunkly.

Your train of thoughts were blurred by the alcohol as you struggled to walk straight. You had only one clear thought in mind: Sunghoon. I need to get to Sunghoon.

Sunghoon stood uncomfortably, eyeing the girls who rubbed their bossoms and derriere all over him. Is this supposed to be fun? He thinks innocently. He sees you walking towards him, swaying your hips side by side as you strode towards him like a predator.

Girls hovering around him going unnoticed as you were the only one he could see.

Stunning, beautiful. He thought.

"Hey handsome, care to dance?" You asked, pulling him to you before he could even answer. The girls spat at you, telling you to 'get in line' but you just shot them a smug look.

"Sorry ladies." Sunghoon apologized, but his smile told otherwise as he let you pull him away from them.

"You don't know how badly I wanted to get away from—" He froze in his spot as you wrap your arms around his neck, inching closer than ever before. You felt bold, but maybe that was just the alcohol in your system. And as you started moving your body against Sunghoon, you knew it wasn't just you who felt the heat. His large palms go down south, resting on your swaying hips as both of you moved to the sultry rhythm.

His mechanism was going nuts, threatening to malfunction as his sensors detected your very close proximity to him. Whatever you were playing, it was dangerous. But Sunghoon couldn't help but to want more, to desire more.

"Y/N." He whispers, and you look up at him with half lidded eyes. And damn did he find you so sexy right there, under the strobe lights. No girl in the club could ever compare.

"Home?" You suggested.

"Home." He agrees.

As you got in the cab, you immediately find yourself half straddling Sunghoon's lap as you attempt to kiss him. Luckily, Sunghoon can think clearer now and concludes that a drunk Y/N is a very horny Y/N. And though the thought that it was only the alcohol that made you want him made him feel sad, he knew it was wrong to demand such things from you.

And so with your futile attempts to get into his pants, he gently lays your head on his shoulder and hugs you to keep you still. But even that couldn't stop you from squirming to get away from his hold, trying to get some action. He chuckles as he held your hand tightly in his to prevent it from landing into his crotch.

"Now now, you have to stay put. I won't be taking advantage of your state." He scolds gently. And by the time the cab had stopped in front of the building of your apartment, you were fast asleep in Sunghoon's arms.

Times like these were when Sunghoon is glad he was made of aluminum. He scooped you up in his arms like a pillow as he walked up to your apartment. You snuggled up into his chest, looking so innocent as you soaked up his warmth. Sunghoon cooed about how adorable you are, talking to you in your sleep.

He placed you delicately on your bed, contemplating whether to change your clothes or not. He decided not to, noting how your privacy is important to you. You're too drunk and asleep to give him permission right now anyway. He took off your heels and wiped your makeup off very gently, and tucked you in properly.

Long minutes pass as he studies your face, stroking your hair softly as the corners of his mouth lift up unconsciously. He really loves taking care of you. He loves you.

This realization hits him like a truck of overwhelming emotions, but it all makes sense to him now.

"I love you, Y/N." He whispers, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead before retiring to his own room.

[deaconusdelirium]

Um so I don't actually know how to submit a request so, I've never done it before, but I hope this is right.

So I read this enemies to lovers with Tech where the reader is the Batch's new mechanic/medic/pilot (y'know something like that) and Tech is constantly trying to outsmart the reader and is kinda rude to her. So I am requesting either that or Tech and reader are already together and Tech makes a comment that hurts the readers feelings but Tech doesn't understand why she's upset cause he was merely stating "factual evidence". Also can the reader be female or like no gender. I hope I did this right.

Time will tell

(Tech X F!Reader)

Oh yeah! Either way is good, but I prefer taking requests in DM’s. I’m originally from a different writing platform and I took requests directly in messages, but send in an ask like this is good too. I don’t mind either way. That goes for everyone else who doesn’t know how to send in a request!^^

I love the first one, and I have a little something for that

———

“And that’s… Tech” Hunter sounded disappointed as he seen his brother not only did not look up, but didn’t say anything as he introduced you to your new team, Tech just gave a small wave without looking up and walking off. “He’s a busy guy, I presume” you spoke, watching ‘Tech’ walk off and into their ship. “You’ll get use to him, he’s not all that bad. The worse he could do is fill your head with useless info for hours on end” Hunter explained while putting a hand between your shoulders, guiding you into the Marauder. Ok, so it might have been a bit small but at least you were off Kamino where everything was too sterile and creepy looking. You were all alone in your room after all, no one ever really came in but a few clones, Nala Se and Omega usually handled them all though.

You gave another look around, making sure you tried to memorize everything. “We have a mission in a few hours, so I suggest you grab what you need from your place” “oh, no. I’ve got all I need, I’m going to head back and tell Nala Se we’re leaving soon” you walked out, Hunter nodded in agreement. “Well, we’ll tell you when we’re ready” you nodded, walking away from the ship and back into Kamino to Nala Se

—

Tech had only ever heard your voice, and by the sound of it. He was already annoyed, since when was there ever another person who does exactly as he does? It was only him, but.. the thought of sharing ideas and thought with someone else ‘smart’ would be nice. But no, he wouldn’t take it. He had to see for himself, he was sure you were going to fail, and he surely wasn’t going to be pushed aside, especially for all he’s ever done for his brothers. You weren’t the one who upgrades their armor for them, you’re not the one who has a datapad much like he has, and you couldn’t possible know anything about mechanics. He’s never met anyone who knew as much as he did, and if he hasn’t within his life, then there’s probably no such thing as it.

—

He thoughts were cut short, when you sat in the co-pilot seat next to him. Only Echo sat there, maybe Hunter on some occasions, he still didn’t look, and he grew annoyed as you tried to tell him what to do. “Do you even know what planet we are on?” Tech asked, finally looking at you, “what does that have to do with this? You haven’t told me where we are and I’m stuck with you. So if you could just focus on the task at hand then maybe we could actually try and get along” you spoke, his eyes widen at your words, he didn’t want you to know anything. It may sound selfish, but he thought of it as a training, I guess you could say. How would you go about in a situation where you don’t know where you’re at, and what you’re doing? What is your next steps for an unexpected change of plans?

His gaze was still hard on you, how could you know something about flying? “Tech, if you don’t help them, Omega and Hera could be shot down” you sounded desperate, but he was the one in charge. He was the one flying, you weighed your options, you didn’t know what to do. He only sat there, observing you like it was his job. “Forgive me” you apologized to him as you pushed him out the seat and took over the wheel. “Hey” Tech called from the floor, standing up, but soon holding onto your seat as he seen what you were going to do. “Hang on Wrecker!” You warned the man in the back, you pushed the petal as Tech almost flew back and Wrecker yell from the back. You turned the ship around for Wrecker so he could take out the cannons.

Tech held on as your flying was not something he was expecting, once you had all of the turrets down and Wrecker finished off the clones on the ground, you stood up, grabbing your helmet and gun. Tech grabbed your arm before you ran out, “hey-” you spoke, “careful with my ship next time” he glared at you, but Wrecker broke the both of you up by running through his grasp on your arm. “Your ship Tech? Or all of ours? She did great!” Wrecker said, hitting you on your shoulder as he laughed and ran off. “Still, we got what needed to be done, I suggest we drop this.. this argument and actually help. And for your information, we’re al Ryloth” you ran after Wrecker, and Tech stood there. You were stubborn alright, but that doesn’t mean you were better than him. No, he won’t allow it

—

After Hera was reunited with her parents and uncle, you all took off. For their brother Crosshair was after them, maybe even you now since you were with the Batch. Taking a deep breath in, and letting it out, you continued to clean your helmet, a few new scratches, but nothing bad. “Y/n?” Omega asked you, coming up and holding your shoulder as she stood on one leg. “What’s wrong Omega?” You asked, looking at her leg, “I got a cut, and my legs hurting. Could you look at it for me?” She asked, sitting on the chair in front of you as she turned to meet your body. “Yeah, let me just grab my stuff, stay right there” you told her as you stood up, walking to grab your bag and come back. You pulled her pants up to her knee, seeing a small scrape on it, “hmm, you only scraped it, nothing too bad if we clean it. Glad you came right on time” you tried to lift her mood up. Looking like you did since she laughed and held Lula.

“This might sting a little, but it won’t hurt” you showed her the bottle, calming her down as she was worried what you had in hand. She gave a small nod, handing it back to you, you smiled and slowly poured the liquid over the cut. She winced, hugging Lula tighter as you grabbed a bacta pad and placed it over her knee. “Alright, that should be good. Come back later for another cleaning, I’ll remind you so don’t worry, and if the ache still continues after a few minutes. Tell me so I can give you some medicine, it might be from all the time you haven’t treated it, but be careful next time” you pulled her pants down, patting her lower leg as she set it down. “So you aren’t going to treat the ache she has?” Tech asked, datapad obviously in hand as he watched you, “Tech! She cleaned it up just now, I should be fine. I think it was just dirty” Omega spoke, Tech looked at her, the back at you, he walked over to another seat, making Omega face him as he turned the chair. “What are you doing?” Omega asked as Tech pulled her pants up again.

Taking the tape off and looking at her scrape, he almost nodded in approval, but stopped himself. “Oh come on, I’m not going just throw a bacta pad on there and say I’m done” you told him, “still, you could have left out an important part” he spoke, Omega watched, “and just because you’re a medic, doesn’t mean you know it all” he harshly said, you wanted to just leave, everyone’s been nice except for Tech, “yeah? Well just because your name is ‘Tech’ doesn’t mean you’re actually a technician. You can multitask yet I haven’t spoken one word about your work” you spoke up, gathering your things and leaving. Omega watched as it all unfolded before her, “that was a bit rude Tech, maybe try and be nice, she’s new. You’re probably making her feel bad” Omega defended you

Tech took his helmet off, watching you walk off and disappear down the hall. “Maybe we only needed one, medic aboard. That was only a small scratch Omega, anyone could treat that” he stood up, “maybe you think we only need one medic, but I think differently. You should respect her more, I came to her because you were busy making repairs, and I’m glad to have let you work while she wasn’t busy. She even helped us back on Ryloth” it wasn’t new that Omega put yet another one of her brothers in place. She was right, you did save them, and treat her. He bet, if she would have went to Wrecker, he would have only plugged it up with trash and dirt then throw a bandaid on it.

Omega walked out the cockpit, Lula in her hands as Tech was left alone. So what you knew how to fly and treat a small wound, anyone could do that… anyone who knew what they were doing. And he was intrigued at how much you knew and what you’ve done.

—

Everyone sat in their seat, you sat behind Echo as he sat in the co-pilot chair. Your hands gripping the pen as you worked an equation out on a piece of paper. Tech heard you whisper quite loudly the numbers, so he worked it out in his head as he watched the stars go by while in hyperspace. “205” he said, you looked up, sighing in annoyance and putting on a fake smile, “thanks Tech, I’m sure me working it out and trying a different way of solving this problem was to easy for you. What a pity, me working with pen and paper as you have a datapad? What was I thinking?” You scoffed out, Echo laughed a bit at your bite back. Tech turned to you, “what do you mean ‘a different way’?” He asked, you threw the paper at him as he caught it then glaring at you for doing so.

His eyes scanned over the numbers, this wasn’t right. None of this was, “give me the pen” he spoke, you looked at him, “what for?” “Just give me the pen” he demanded as you shook your head no. Echo was curious to see what you both were arguing about, his head peaked over the paper and was met with messy writings and scrambled numbers. “How can you read that thing?” You heard Echos disbelief in his voice, “here, I’ll explain it” you reassured him as you clicked the pen. Tech watched as you began to explain what this new trick was. He was fascinated, he found himself looking up your arm until he watched your face as you spoke about something that actually interested you… interested him.

He continued to hold the board with the paper on it for you while you worked it out, circling the answer. He wasn’t sure why, but when you turned to Echo to talk about it, he was quite jealous. Echo wouldn’t understand, but Tech did, why didn’t you argue with him about it. He hesitantly tapped two fingers on your shoulder, you turned and faced him, “perhaps, we could further discuss what you put into motion here? I could teach you some new things as well” he offered, Echo had seen his frail to finally try and get closer to you. He stood up, “excuse me” he walked off, giving you and Tech the time together. “Not sure, I feel like you’re only going to insult me further while thinking you’re smarter, you also offered me something. Don’t know if I should take it that you want something or you hit your head” you crossed your arms, looking at him. “I assure you, I have something’s I would like to share” he lightly laughed.

You thought about it, “fine, but if anything” you threatened him, “there no need to get hostile with me now Y/n, I want to see just how much you know” he leaned back into his seat, arms and legs crossed as he eyed you down. But if anything did happen, the Batch was on board. You sat in the seat Echo sat in before, questioning your choice on agreeing.

—

It seems Tech had underestimated you to soon, you we’re definitely smarter than he had thought. Was there actually someone just like him? Someone who he could rely on and wouldn’t have to explain too, mainly going into details. But you, oh you… you just gave him this feeling. He didn’t want you to leave the seat when you both sat, it was interesting seeing how you knew some things he didn’t. You both shared theories and facts about unusual things people would have probably brushed off and thought was annoying or just plain boring. He found himself moving ever so closer to you when you both started getting into.. deeper matters. What you did on Kamino versus what he does for the galaxy with his brothers. You told him how you wanted to get off the planet and explore while he suggested he explores all the time.

That was until you both found each other, knees touching while you both leaned forward. It was wrong, you abruptly stood up, “I’m sorry Tech, I shouldn’t have” you fixed your armor and set out. Just what happened there?

He didn’t have feelings for you, if he did. It’d most likely be jealousy and anger, for he didn’t want to be replaced for someone they had just met. He was their brother, you can’t just remove them from their life. Now you were off somewhere in the ship, probably have already forgotten about him. But his thoughts were stuck on you, was he too mean to you? Now that whenever he got close, you either brushed him off or you walked away. But what if he wasn’t, would you two have been closer? Together perhaps? It was like talking to himself, actually finding interest in the conversation. Feelings were never in his area of expertise, so he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what he was feeling at the moment. He was sure to keep an eye on it and write down anything he feels on his datapad, maybe even do some research.

—

“Y/n!” “Coming!” You replied to Echo as he yelled for your assistance. Walking down the hall to to Echo kneeling before the console trying to fix whatever he was trying to. “Yeah?” You asked, “I need..” he trailed off, trying to get the control panel fixed. “Oh! I’ve done this plenty of times back on Kamino for the clones’ ship when they got back” you spoke while kneeling next to him, undoing the wires as he looked at you, “what are you doing?” “Relax, you can’t just keep the control panel like this, you have to make sure it clean, this this part” you pointed to the corner of the panel as there was dirt inside, “that’s blocking this part, from entering. So brush this aside, and put it back. Now you’re going to want to make sure all the wires and whatnot are still good. Some could burn out and that could ruin the whole thing, and then you’d have to replace it all. But other times, it just needs a little cleaning” you walked him through it, telling him what goes where and how to clean the board without ruining it, while still making it easy for him to understand without using the big confusing words

He nodded, understanding, “Tech would never say anything like this. He does all the repairs like this, the only time he needs help is when he needs tools or for us to hold something” “Ah, I see. I’m sure he means well. I never had anyone to talk to about this and it feels good to finally share some knowledge” you told him to screw the panel back on. He stood up, offering you his hand and helping you up. “Thanks” “no problem, you learn something new everyday” Echo laughed at your joke, giving you a pat on the shoulder and walking off. You kneeled back down picking up the tools and gathering them into a bag. Another pair of hands helped you, as you looked up, you noticed he had no thigh armor. Tech.

“Thank you Tech, you didn’t have to-” you were pushed on your back as Tech was on top of you. You groaned at the pushed, opening your eyes to see Tech giving you a kiss. Your senses finally returning as you felt the harsh action, making your lips hurt. He softened the kiss, making you now blush as you laid there under him. He pulled back, “T-Tech?” You let out the breath you held in, “Y/n. I’m so sorry about before” your brow furrowed in confusion. “What for?” “All those words, bringing you down. It’s wrong now and it was wrong then, but how could I have not appreciated your actions before?” He questioned himself as you now remembered all those things he said and what he did to try and put you down.

“I can’t let someone, so good and loving leave. I’ve seen the way you treat Omega and my brothers when I’m not there too, you’re smart and beautiful. Yet you’re ready for battle when you’re thrown into it. I’ve been thinking, about my feelings, and… and us” your eyes widen at the last part. About, you? Him? Together? You haven’t thought about it, maybe once but that was when you both were talking that night in the cockpit, he was rude and unforgiving when you were introduced and given a task, always saying he knew and could do better than you. And that your tactics were sloppier than his, and to be frank, he didn’t mean that. It was his feelings he was confused about, “Tech.. I actually don’t know what to do. While you say you’ve thought of us, I haven’t, maybe once but that was wrong. We could never work out” you confessed, his gloved hand on the side of your head as he stroked a few hairs out of your face.

He sighed, thinking. This time it was his heart speaking, not his brain, this has nothing to do with what he normally did. So he had to wing it. “Tell me. What do I need to do to show you, how much I appreciate and want you by my side? Tell me what’s making you feel uncomfortable about us and how I can help. I’m willing to give this a chance if you are” he sounded desperate, the first time you’ve heard him like this. But you had to think on it, he was just as smart, maybe even smarter, he was blunt which made you not have to worry about his opinions on others and how you feel. And he was strong, both mentally and physically. You’ve never met someone as close knowing and interesting like you.

“I.. I’m willing to give this a chance as well” your hand came up to his hair, then pulling him down for another loving kiss. All those problems and feelings he couldn’t explain and work out, have now blown away. If seemed like being close to you felt like ecstasy, your aura felt so welcoming and warm. His lips ghosted over yours before coming down for another. This new found feeling was something he could get use to, yours lips felt so soft against his, your fingertips slightly trailed along his jawline and cupped his cheek. “We, better get up before someone sees us” you suggested, he nodded. A quick kiss on the side of your mouth was given before he got up. Pulling you along. He wanted to see where this relationship would take him.

He was excited to have you by his side now, he knew you two could take on anything. The thought of having someone just like him by his side put a warm feeling in his stomach, someone he could protect along with his brothers. Maybe the jealousy before was telling him something, maybe you both were destined to be together since you both could agree that you’ve never met anyone like the other. And he was glad to have someone to return to every time he came back from a mission, or having you on a mission with him in general. He already had hundreds of reasons why he fell in love with you, and if that’s just the beginning, he wondered what being with you forever would he like. Only time will tell

———

I hope you enjoyed, again! If you ever want to send it a request, I take it in DM’s for those who want to stay anonymous, but others can also go to my ask box. Either way is fine, I don’t mind!^^

[sdr2lovemail]

I just noticed that you are alive again! So um.. I've been thinking for QUITE a while of a relationship Ultimate Impostor x Ultimate Leader (in the killing game ig?), idk why. If the requests are closed feel free to ignore this. Thank you!

You could say that I am a fan of Imposter's work. Even tho there is not a lot of content about them out there I still love them dearly.

And yes I died for a minute but have risen from the grave to continue my writing career. I hope you enjoy what I have written my friend because I absolutely love it.

⚔Mod Peko⚔

Spoilers for chapter 1

The Ultimate Imposter disguised as Byakuya Togami and the Ultimate Leader butt heads but also kinda wanna kiss each other

Teenagers and a killing game are bound to fall into chaos. Teenagers, a killing game, and no supervision will cause more chaos. That’s why they need a leader. Someone strong and brave to guide them. However two ultimates wanting to be that leader, teenagers, a killing game, and no supervision will cause even more chaos.

Breakfast was a usually calm time. Everyone just wanted to eat and get on with finding a way off this forced school trip. However there were some mornings where everyone seemed to be full of energy. Akane and Nekomaru were engaged in a fierce 1v1 training session. Chairs, tables, and food flying throughout the air from the power of their moves. The restaurant was in total disarray and with your talent of being a leader you must do something to calm the crowd. Standing up you set your arms behind your back and call out to your classmates.

“Everyone! This is-”

“Sit down, common folk. You will all cease this foolish behavior and stop wasting food.”

“Huh?”

At the mention of wasting food Akane quickly stops her fighting. She then pulls up a table and chair from the mess of the restaurant and begins to chow down. You look at where the voice came from and see Twogami sitting at a table with a plate. Just because this guy is loaded he thinks he can be a better leader than you? Oh you will just have a quick word with him to set the record straight. With quick strides you tap him on the shoulder giving him your best stern look. This look helped you strike the feeling of order into people. But Twogami doesn’t look impressed at all?! No you can’t let him see you falter. Standing up straighter than ever you begin to speak.

‘Hey what’s the big idea? I’m the Ultimate leader. I don’t need your help guiding our class.” You told him with a grim expression. Twogami gave you a look over before setting down his fork. He wipes his mouth off with a napkin before standing to face you. His intimidation factor was off the charts. Can money buy such a scary aura?! After adjusting his glasses he begins to speak with a sigh.

“Listen I, Byakuya Twogami, am much better suited to be in charge. You may have your impeccable wits and title but that is nothing compared to being next in the Togami line. Now are we done here? I would like to finish my food”

Not even giving you a chance to respond he goes right back to eating. Even with your ultimate status this guy intimidates you a lot. But you will not be backing down. He thinks he’s so high and mighty you’ll show him high and mighty.

The days feel like they’re getting heavier. Monokuma’s annoying voice rings in your ears. There’s no way you’d believe that memory loss garbage….And even if you did, you had to stay strong for everyone. Twogami’s party did nothing to calm the tense feeling in the air. You decided you were going to check this abandoned building from top to bottom before anyone steps foot inside.

You do not see Nagito when you first step in. Maybe he’s cleaning somewhere else. Teruteru was said to be in the kitchen. Entering the main room of the building you see Twogami rifling through what looks to be a metal case. Hearing the floors creak under your weight he looks over. Upon seeing you he sends a glare.

“And what are you doing here? I don’t remember you having to prepare anything.” There was a doubtful tone to his voice. Twogami was trying to let this party go off without a hitch. And he wasn’t going to let some commoner ruin his plans. Though behind the rich boy costume Imposter did feel kinda bad. They felt like they were trampling all over your pride with their Byakuya act. However this was their ultimate. And as Twogami….No. Just as themself, if that even existed, they will keep their classmates safe. Even if they have to hurt some feelings.

“As a leader it is my duty to keep everyone in order and assure maximum safety. I plan to do a total sweep of the place before the party.” And like he did to you, you did not give him a chance to answer. You quickly turn around and exit out into the hallway missing the look of awe on Twogami’s face. Walking past the fire door you come up to the kitchen. Before you can reach for the door it swings open revealing Nagito. Strange….If Teruteru was already in the kitchen there was no need for Nagito to be in there. The lucky student passed by with a smile yet spoke no words towards you. Also strange. Nagito usually said something when passing. He deemed it rude not to say hello to an ultimate.

Entering the kitchen you see Teruteru at the counter. He doesn’t seem to notice you coming in. The usual smile on his face is replaced with a look of fear and he’s shaking like a leaf. Stepping closer seems to have caught his attention as he jumps. The look of fear is swiftly changed into a smile yet he’s still shaking. Teruteru then grabs a knife and begins chopping at some vegetables. Seems as if he’s trying to make it seem like he was simply taking a break.

“W-Why hello there. Heh, what could I do for you?” He’s shaken up quite a bit. Not a single flirty remark in that sentence and Teruteru sure did like to tease about your strong authority. You stand tall and look down at the chef. He visibly shrinks back. Looking him dead in the eye you start to command him.

“You will tell me what you have discussed with Nagito Komaeda.”

This caused Teruteru to tense up. Setting down the knife he grabs a comb from his pocket and begins to bring it through his hair. Though there isn’t a hair out of place on his pompadour. Appears to be a nervous habit.

“I uh….I have no idea what you mean mon ami~. We were simply discussing plans for the upcoming party.” Teruteru had tried to come off as collected but you knew better. He wasn’t making eye contact and he was constantly fidgeting. Nagito told him something and you were going to find out what.

“Teruteru Hanamura! I command you to tell me what Nagito had told you. Simple party plans would not have such an impact on your demeanor.”

This seemed to have caused a reaction in him. He began to blubber as words poured out of his mouth like a dam cracking under pressure.

“He came in here and told me that he had plans to murder someone at the party with the knife he had hidden under one of the tables in the dining room. He planned to overload the breaker in here with irons in the storage room to cause a blackout so he could grab the knife and kill someone during the party. I-I begun to form my own plan of stopping him….by….killing him?” The last part of his word vomit stuck with Teruteru. He would’ve had someone’s blood on his hands and would send the rest of his class to their own demise. “Oh my god I was going to kill him!” Teruteru then sinks to his knees before you.

Your face softens as you see the mess of a chef on the ground. Nagito was planning a murder? Why would he share this information with Teruteru? Dropping down to his level you set a careful hand on Teruteru’s back. “Listen. I’m going to go grab Twogami and you’re going to tell him what happened. And we’ll come up with a solution.” You normally wouldn’t call for backup, but as this was his party you felt he had the right to know.

You cautiously leave the kitchen and begin to look for the blond. Not able to find him in the building you exit to the hotel grounds. Noticing the while suit and blonde hair you call out to him and ask for him to come back. Leading him to the kitchen where Teruteru still sits slumped on the ground he listens to what you already know.

A look of disgust crosses Twogami’s face before he sets off to the main room. After announcing your departure to Teruteru, you follow him. Nagito is there setting up tables and dusting the furniture. He was about to offer the two of you a cheerful greeting but is cut off by your demand for him to exit the grounds. Not wanting to upset an ultimate that is clearly in higher ranks than he is, Nagito does not question it. He leaves the abandoned building to rest in his cottage to wait for permission to be allowed back in.

Looking under the tables you find the knife that Teruteru had mentioned. Grabbing it proceeds to coat your hand in wet paint. So Nagito had just planted this. But what’s the paint for?

“Set the knife in the duralumin case I brought on the left. I am currently using it to store anything I deem unsafe.”

You let out a scoff before setting the knife in the case. He sure does love bossing people around even in dire situations. Well….I guess that’s your talent so you can’t really speak. After doing a check of the rest of the tables, Twogami walks up to you with something in his hand. It’s a handkerchief with the Togami family crest. Imposter spent many hours perfecting the stitching of the symbol. You give him a confused look about the offering. Seeing the expression he rolls his eyes.

“Close your mouth before flies start to swarm. This is to wipe your hand off. I don’t need paint smears ruining the image of my party.”

“What? I can’t wipe paint on something as expensive as that. That handkerchief probably cost more than my house. I’ll just go wash it in the bathroom.”

Upset by your stubborn nature, Twogami grabs your wrist and begins to wipe the paint off himself. After your hand is clean he drops the cloth into your hand. “I expect that to be washed before it’s returned to me. Now I have some important matters to discuss.”

Stuffing the handkerchief into your pocket you give Twogami your full attention.

“I have decided that after this little incident we need to up the security. I would ask Nekomaru but I wish to keep this between us. Letting the public know that two people were planning a murder would cause chaos. When it’s time for the party you will help me conduct body searches. I’d like for you to keep an eye on the party with me to make sure no suspicious activity is at play.”

While normally you would make a fuss about him bossing you around with people’s lives at stake it was simply not the time for that. Nodding once he finishes speaking, you and Twogami complete one last look of the place before the party starts.

It’s time for the party and the two of you are set up outside of the abandoned building. After checking everyone and confiscating anything deemed dangerous, the party is in full swing. Everything is going smoothly. 11:30 was nearing and at the corner of your eye you see Nagito inch closer to the table. Knowing you shut the irons off you pay this no mind. There’s no way he’d try to pull anything when everyone can see him. A quick look of confusion crosses his face as the lights are still on. The confused expression is swapped for one of despair. There’s a creepy smile on his face and his eyes are clouded. Even if the blackout did not occur Nagito can still pull through with his plan.

He suddenly flips the table cloth over and goes to reach for his knife. Everyone at the party has eyes on him. Before he can fully register that his knife is in fact missing Nagito is pushed to the ground. His arms are pressed against his back and his face is squished into the floor. Multiple confused cries echo throughout the dining hall. Nagito recognized this tactic. After hours upon hours of researching the ultimates he’s sharing a class with he could easily tell that this was your work.

Twogami with Nekomaru in tow walks over to you and the detained lucky student. An agitated expression is on the heir’s face. He looks down at Nagito.

“You dare to think that I would let your plan continue? [Name] and I knew about your scheme and were quick to put a stop to it. And the fact that you would try to pull through with it in broad light is despicable.”

Anger, disgust, and confusion are present in the crowd of your classmates. Trying to make sense of it all Akane speaks up.

“I’m so friggin’ confused. What plan did Nagito have? Need me to beat him up for ya?”

You were quick to diminish the violent thought. “No, that will not be necessary as he has already been disarmed.”

“Nagito had planned out a murder.”

Twogami’s words caused a commotion in the dining hall. After hearing the noise from the kitchen, Teruteru cautiously enters the room fearing the worst. Though a feeling of relief washed over him after seeing Nagito on the ground.

Nekomaru lets out a strangled noise. His teeth are clenched and his fists tightened.

“You were going to murder one of your classmates? THAT’S INEXCUSABLE! Please [Name] allow me to detain him somewhere away from everyone. SOMEONE LIKE HIM CANNOT WALK FREEEEE!”

Looking over to Twogami as if silently discussing what to do he sends you a nod. Removing Nagito from your grasp he is quickly put into Nekomaru’s. The coach is quick to remove him from the premises. With a sigh Twogami faces your classmates. Pushing his glasses up he begins to apologise.

“I am sorry you all had to see that. And I am sorry that my exquisite party must draw to a close here. Exit the building and head to your cottage for the night.”

Though shaken, everyone proceeds to leave in groups. No one wants to walk back alone fearing that someone will try something. With just you and Twogami left he turns to face you.

“That was quite impressive. What you did back there was helpful in getting Nagito detained. I believe that we should come to an agreement. Yes we are fine separately but together I feel that we could do an outstanding job at keeping everyone safe.”

Twogami extended a chubby hand out for you to shake. This handshake would seal the two of you into a partnership. One of which would keep your class safe. Looking from his hand to his face then back to his hand you sit there in thought. This could be a wonderful idea. With two people working together that’s like double the safety. With a smile you shake his hand giving it a tight squeeze.

“I think I’d like that Twogami! From here on out the two of us are now Jabberwock Island’s health and safety committee.”

[willel]

Tumblr poofed my post before I finished it 😢 All my excitement has been ever so slightly dulled. I have to type this out in a text editor first in case it happens again. I'll make the intro briefer than I originally did.

My rating for the season are: Season 1 > 2 > 4 >>> 3

Still not entirely happy with some plot distribution, but overall I like where the supernatural plot is going and I liked how certain relationships finally got something.

More below!

I guess I'll start again with the WillEl scenes. Especially the hug. I shit you not, that is the first time I've ever cried about Stranger Things ever. I say cried but I was smiling and giggling like a mad woman as tears ran down my face. I rewinded it a few times to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

IT WAS GLORIOUS. SO PRECIOUS.

DID YOU SEE HOW EL LOOKED AROUND KINDA NONCHALANT UNTIL SHE LANDED ON WILL??? AND WILL WAS JUST BACK THERE GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT! AND THEN SHE GOT UP AND LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS ABOUT TO CRY AND GO OVER TO HIM AND THEN HE WAS ALSO ABOUT TO CRY

AND THEN THEY HUGGED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'VE DREAMED OF THIS DAY FOR CENTURIES! AT LAST MY SIBLINGS UNITE AND IT'S SO FLIPPING CCUTE

Only thing that made me mad is Jonathan didn't join. What the heck big bro, stop trying to be cool!!!! HUG THEM

Well, he does hug Will at least.

AND IT WAS AMAZING HNIORGNRGNRG

I didn't really say much because I suspected this would happen, but once again Will is trying to set his feelings aside for the sake of other people. And well, what can he really do? He loves Mike. But he also loves El. She saved his life, and they welcomed her into their home. He is her sister and he truly feels that way, you can tell. So he wasn't going to do anything even though he technically did confess and then slapped El's name on it.

That poor kid, it's unfair. 😔 Stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wonder if he truly feels fulfilled this way. Probably not. I wonder where this plot thread will go.

No one knows what's happening to him….. EXCEPT JONATHAN OF COURSE. OF COURSE JONATHAN I KNOWS!!!GNHROIEHNREOB

I would've loved if Will managed to say more, but maybe Jonathan knows that he couldn't, therefore, didn't ask. Jonathan allowed Will to come out without saying anything. Just, "Absolutely nothing will change that. Ok?"

THOSE KNOWING SOFT UNDERSTANDING EYES AS WILL STARTED TO CRY AND STUTTER OUT HE'D BE THERE FOR JONATHAN TOO?! GIORNGIORGN 😫😫😫😫

AND ANOTHER HUG FOR ME AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! IT'S NOT BUT IT MIGHT AS WELL BE!!!!

I love the Byers + El. I truly truly do. My angels.

Ok ok, next thing popping out in my mind! LUCAS AND MAX! OH MY GOSH!!! That note passing thing was so sweet 😥😥 Sadly I was partially spoiled on this bit because everyone was saying Max would end up in a coma and I couldn't avoid it. I didn't know how it would happen of course. Poor Max. And Lucas oh my gosh, that fight? I'm glad he won out in the end. He saw someone he loved was in danger and kicked his ass into gear. Sadly it was too late. Lucas crying???? Definitely the second time I cried. I say cried, but I was still smiling and giggling even though it was devestating. Maybe I'm a crazy person.

If I had to guess what's happening to Max, I'd say Vecna did manage to get her soul. But her body is still in tact so maybe upon defeating them Max will be freed. That's my guess. But this post isn't for plot guessing!

Next we have Joyce and Hopper! An expected outcome for sure, though I guess I didn't expect they'd make out. How gross are their mouths exactly? It's all I could think about. Disgusting. But hey, I guess after everything that happened they don't care about a little plagque squapping.

JOYCE SAVED HIM MORE THAN ONCE! She wasn't gonna stand by and let what happened to Bob happen to him!

I'm shocked that their Russian pals and everyone got out of there alive! Especially Murray, I was real worried so I'm glad he's ok tbh.

Eddie! Once again, another spoiler I couldn't avoid. I didn't know how it would happen, but I kinda expected it somehow. It was sadder than I thought it'd be. I wasn't attached to Eddie exactly, but I felt really bad for Dustin. And I did feel bad that Eddie never got to clear his name and for his uncle. His uncle clearly loved him SO MUCH, it's so sad they didn't get to reunite. This is the first time Dustin and Lucas are facing a real loss close to them.

I'm glad the jock is dead. Jason was it? It was terrifying seeing him dissentigrate though. I'm guessing that's what happened to all the people who got in the path of the big gate. But why??? Why did they dissentigrate and not just fall through? Isn't that kinda weird?

I'm mad I didn't get my "See? We're gonna fix it" line from Will but whatever >:C Hopper reunion! I guess they really want to make sure season 5 is all set up.

JOYCE HUGGING HER BOYS HGNOEGNRJHHNRHHF JOYCE HUGGING EL RGHWSNROUJWRSNHOWRHNWIRHNIWORKHNWHNRRG Fucking finally. I get to drop the fbomb. It's about damn time. I'm giffing EVERYTHING after I reblog everyone else's gifs.

Ok ok, anymore thoughts up in this noggin?

I am VERY disappointed in what the did with the Jonathan and Nancy situation. I mentioned how in my lost post that they were setting up plot threads for season 5 and this is one of them. They didn't let Jonathan come clean and once again they seemingly have Nancy questioning things. :/ I feel like there's so much they could do with Jonathan and Nancy that isn't this. Even if their relationship was on the rocks again, why do you need to include Steve? I hate it. I'm not a super big shipper or anything but I … hate it. Love triangles are annoying, especially when they've already be buried.

I like what they did with Robin and Vickie. I assume by next season it'll be more than just flirting.

Also what the hell, why is anyone gonna stay in Hawkins after that huh????? Everyone needs to evacuate.

Also where the hell is Owens huh? They all just abandoned him there but I guess he was on a time crunch. I guess that woman is gonna take over for Owens and Owens is probably being detained.

Oh right! Hopper and El's ruinion! That was really cute how they commented on the matching hair. Aw, he's so happy and she is too. The whole family is finally here~

Anything else anything else……..

Oh right! I did sorta predict it would end on a Will cliffhanger and it certainly did. I'll save my thoughts on Will, El, and the supernatural for later.

I think that covers all my initial thoughts! More posts will definitely follow with more defined things to say.

I did like it, I am way more satisfied by this ending that I was by the entirety of season 3. I don't feel like I'm in a limbo of did I like it or did I hate it. I firmly liked it. For that, I am grateful. I'm sure I'll pick it apart and find issues later but I don't immediately feels like there's a dictionary full like there was for season 3. I got lots of character interactions (like Will and El hugging Dustin and Lucas. Felt so satsifying). So yeah. Cheers!

[impala1967dwinchester]

Dean Winchester: Change is due

*Credit to gif owner*

Pairing: Dean W. x Reader

Pov: Reader

Warning: Fighting, Swearing, fluff, angst, Dean being a douchebag, guilt.

Summary: What about talking instead of fighting.

Word Count: 1.8k

A/n- This is for band-pyschos 1.5 followers bingo writing challenge. This makes me sad, but whatever.

Square- "Stay with me"

Dean Winchester Master List

Main Master List

Tag list: @akshi8278 @deanswaywardgirl @wonderfulworldofwinchester @doctorlilo @hit-meup69 @fofisstilinski

The drive to the bunker was quiet. The rev of the engine. The downright scariness of the way that all I could hear was the passing of other vehicles on the road. That sound too eventually stopped as the driver back to the bunker was much longer than originally anticipated.

Dean had a temper like nobody's business. The temper of a wild dog, or maybe it was a wild bear. Regardless Dean's temper was downright scary most times. But then again most times that temper of his was never directed towards me.

Yes between miniature fights, and getting annoyed with each other fights did occur, but nothing too bad. You see, three years into hunting and now living with the famous Winchesters. I had fallen deeply for Dean Winchester.

Falling for someone is an already dangerous game, but falling in love with a Winchester. The most hunted after, hunters of them all that was a dangerous game to start playing.

I played the game regardless. Can you imagine falling for someone so much that your worlds just connect so well? Like amazing jigsaw puzzle pieces. Or maybe falling in love was like finally figuring out the correct word in a crossword puzzle.

Like Forrest says "Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're going to get." I would have never been able to tell you that when I was a little girl playing in my room running around in the pure white dress that I would one day grow up kill the monster that haunts this earth, and fall for the most righteous man, the fallen soldier, the best hunter I had ever met.

Could you imagine a six-year-old, coming up to their parent and saying that one day they'd fight monsters, and fall in love with the greatest monster hunter of them all. In your dreams.

Life with the Winchesters was most of the time pandemonium. Life with them was like living in the thunder dome. Like driving on the icy roads and hoping that you don't fall off the cliff. But life was calm sometimes, being able to have a half-assed normal life was good for all of us.

Sam was the best brother a person could ask for. The best friend a person could ask for. I think the moment I met the Winchesters, Dean and I were like magnets dragging each other together. Slated to be together for the rest of our lives, soul mates if you will.

This last hunt was nothing like we had ever dealt with before. So many children had been killed. I had put myself in the way, getting hurt instead of letting more children get hurt. A natural mother... or maybe just a natural instinct of a woman.

Dean, of course, was anger like normal, but usually, his anger would blow over and we'd either make-up or like the band, AC/DC says "You shook me all night long".

this night was different though. Something was off, something felt wrong. Yes, the drive was long and very fucking quiet but something in the air felt wrong. I'd like to think that I'm a tough cookie, a queen disguised as a princess.

I always think that Dean forgets that the reason he and I get along so well is that we are almost alike, in almost every way. We act the same way, love the same things, react the same way. Two peas in a pod if you will.

Dean tends to forget that when he gets angry, but comes to his sense rather quickly after, he either gets blown off, or the subject gets changed, something that he does often to Sam or me. In the situation where he knows he has no control, or where he is uncomfortable, feeling like he's being pushed into the corner.

I used to let Dean act like a douchebag. I let Dean get mad, yell, throw things, get in my face. But recently. Dean's anger has been out of this world, too much to bare, too much to handle. he almost turns into the hulk. It's like he forgets his normal manners and just wants to hulk smash literally everything around him.

How do you make someone realize what they are doing? How do you show someone how they are acting is affecting you?

Finally after what felt like days, but was really just hours of driving we pulled into the garage, the sound of the engine bouncing off of the cinderblock walls. During said drive Dean and I made eye contact once, his green ember eyes staring deep at me through the rear-view mirror. My own eyes making sure to stare at him with just the same amount of deep soul searching Dean was.

Sam steered in his sleep, the coldness of the garage and the car smell waking him from his sleep. Not a single word was said. Sam was the first one out of the car, opening the impalas back, grabbing his bags, and making a rather quick exit of the garage.

Neither of us moving from our spots. We sat in silence. A silence that's a funny word if you think about it. It the most screamed word when you're being told to be quiet. But it weighs heavy between two people.

Fighting was and has never been my style with Dean. Dean wants to yell and be an idiot then I'll let him be, but I won't go without saying my peace. I'll get up and leave if I want to. There's nothing holding me to the man, an argument is just a battle of words.

Finally, Dean moves, moves to look in the back seat. His eye passes over my figure like always. Passing by over my crisscrossed shins up to my jean-covered thighs, over my hips, up my t-shirt and flannel covered belly, up to my tall shoulders, and to my face.

The little light that was streaming into the impala's backseat. "Why?" Was all Dean said, staring at me. I chewed my lip thinking of anything to say. "Stop chewing on your lip. It's finally started to heal." Dean said.

Still, my body stuck in my crisscrossed position. I heard the creak of the impala, as I saw Dean shift from the front seat to the back seat. "I'm pretty sure that I just told you to stop doing that." He said bringing his thumb up to my lips, gently pulling down releasing my bottom lip from my teeth.

"What were you thinking?" Dean asked picking once again at the issue at hand. "I was thinking about the children," I said looking at the man next to me. It was quiet for a moment, then a heavy sigh filled the air.

"The children?" Dean said questioning me. A cocked-eyed eyebrow raised in confusion to my answer. Sometimes it's like my answer is either not good enough, or isn't the right one. "Yes, the children," I stated calmly.

"I'm getting confused here Y/n," Dean said shifting causing the smallest of creak from the old impala. "I stepped in front of the children," I said.

"Yeah, I kind of figured that but why?" He asked. This firstly is going calm, and Dean's asking questions just before assuming shit, but why does this seem odd, kinda like all of the sudden protecting the young kids isn't enough to get a few scrapes and bruises.

"Did the great Dean Winchester just ask me that?" I said now turning the tables and questioning him. "Yeah, I did." He said so cut and dry-like. "You really wanna know why?" I asked

We were still sitting in the back of his precious car. I had rested my head on the headrest, closing my eyes. Dean was just staring, it had become a bad habit of his after we got together.

"Because Dean those kids didn't deserve whatever that monster did to them. Hell, I just pulled ten kids out, you and sam pulled at ten each. Can you even imagine that, because I can. Being so scared that I can't even protect myself." I said.

Taking a deep breath in and sighing loudly.

"What are you talking about Y/n?" Dean asked, looking at me now with more intent. Wanting yearning to get to the bottom jar of worms we had so carefully opened.

"You know what ignore me, it doesn't make any difference," I said uncrossing my legs and turning to unlock the back door. I was stopped before my fingertips even grabbed onto the cold metal on the handle.

"Do you remember that promise you made me? All those years ago." Dean said, pulling me into his warm touch. His scent of bourbon and wood fell down around us. "No, I don't Dean," I said honestly confused about what I had promised.

"You promise me that whatever was on your mind you would come to me and talk about it. I know six years is a long time, but that day you promised that you've never broken that promise." Dean said while he drew small circles into my lower back.

"Tonight though right now, you're breaking that promise. You don't have to give me every single detail but just don't go walking in front of a monster because you don't know what else to do. You know that you can talk to your boyfriend right?" He said questioning me towards the end.

I only shook my head in response Dean took that as his sign to continue talking. "I just, I'm fearing that you're starting to drift away, and honestly Y/n. Honest;y Y/n I don't think I would know what to do without you." Dean said.

This is different, new, and odd. This Dean is someone who only comes out when the world is ending or the tears are about to be shed for the umpteen amount of time. This Dean, this is the Dean I fell in love with. "So make me this promise now, stay with me," Dean asked.

"Stay with you?" I asked, "Of course stay with you, I guess I just have to learn to be able to ask for help, right Dean." I said hugging him from the awkward position we had fallen into when he pulled me away from the back door.

"No more running, no more fighting alone. We do everything together now." Dean said, cupping my slightly tears stained cheek." Bumping our foreheads together in a sign of good faith you could say. I hummed and returned the favor.

Moments like this the calm, and the quiet. These were those times where I felt at home. I've realized with this job, hunting home isn't a place with four walls and a roof over your head it's about the people in your life. Make a home with the people who care about you. Make a home with the people you would fight anything to hurt, Make home able to be anywhere.

And when you can do that finally you can make home turn into love, and love into strength. Having all three makes you happier I'd like to think in the long run of things. So just "stay with me" that's all I'm asking of you, the rest we can do together.

Completed on: 05/06/2021

*Happy Throwback Thursday*

[haootia]

serious personal post. mobile still doesnt let you do readmores so sorry if this takes up ur dash

my grandmother just died after having a steep decline over the past ~month, she had c*v*d and a stroke in addition to congestive heart failure and other stuff. even still this is sooner than me or my mom were really expecting. she wasn't in the hospital, she was at home at the assisted living place. despite being the grandparent i was by far the closest to as a kid i'm not that torn up about it. because of c*v*d and other stuff i hadn't seen her in years despite her living literally like three minutes from our house, and she hadn't been herself since probably before her husband (not my biological grandfather) died in... 2019? i dunno. i'm bad with dates. anyway, it's kind of just. a thing that happened. i have a lot of complicated emotions about this but i'm not terribly sad, in fact i don't think i'm even mostly sad, i'm mostly just relieved that it was over relatively quickly. this is the first time a family member i really knew a lot about has died since my dad (almost exactly 9 years ago, btw--) as even though i'd known him as my grandpa my whole life, i didn't really interact with my grandma's husband's side of the family... my extended family is kind of complicated and i've really just stuck to my mom and her two siblings and their kids even though i technically have a lot of other cousins or half-cousins or whatever. what i'm trying to say is that i didn't know very much about my grandpa (stepgrandfather?) compared to my grandma, and it's just weird. it's just weird when someone dies. i think experiencing my dad's death as a kid changed the way i'm going to deal with death for the rest of my life. it's a lot less.. overwhelming, maybe is the word, and i find myself feeling very flat about the whole thing. she was born september 9, 1941, and she died today. i don't know what else there is to say.

on a technicality, i actually don't know if she died today or yesterday. it's 12:33 midnight on june 3 right now. my mom told me at ~12:05 after her sister called to tell her, and i don't know when the assisted living place called my aunt, or how long that was after she actually died. so it was either the very end of june 2, or the very first few minutes of june 3. i'm sure this is going to cause problems later with getting certificates and stuff. nothing makes you appreciate the inanity of government paperwork quite like living through someone else's dying.

somewhat ironically, this means my stepgrandmother (my maternal biological grandfather's wife) has now outlived all of my other grandparents, despite not actually being related to me by blood.

this post is mostly just a diary entry, honestly. i kinda just wanted to capture my thoughts in the moment. apologies for Being A Bummer On Main but well the medium of Posting is very convenient for writing down thoughts & feelings without being incredibly melodramatic about stuff. i doubt i'll make any more posts about this because again it hasn't really... changed anything about my life, in a practical sense, or an emotional one either tbh. just some casual memento mori. might make a song or something tomorrow to try and capture these abstract emotions, i dunno, i'm going to bed now like i intended to half an hour ago. goodnight.