#because he has all my issues but he's prettier and more interesting than i am so it's actually fun to write | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sargeant-bxrnes · 3 years

Text

1 step forward, 3 steps back.

warnings: rafe being… rafe. drug mention & consumption, cursing, toxic relationship, sexual situations/implications, mental health issues. ANGST.

[AN: this is the first thing i’ve written, ever, so my apologies if it’s not flawless ; also, english is not my first language, that’s a warning on its own]

my requests are open btw

click for my master list

word count: 4.4K

Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

“Hey,” you said in a soft tone as soon as Rafe picked up the phone, you were laying down on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Hey princess,” his tone was calm, but his voice was rough and raspy all together.

“How you doing?” you asked him, even though you’d seen him last night, up close.

“I’m doing great,” he replied in a surprisingly cheerful tone, which is weird this early in the morning. Rafe is not a morning person. “You sound tired.”

“I am tired,” you confirmed with a sigh. “Guess I have you to thank for that.”

“My pleasure.” he replied cockily, and even though you couldn’t see him, you could practically hear his proud smirk.

“So, what’s the plan today?” you asked in a casual tone, fidgeting with the edge of Rafe’s shirt, the one you wore to sleep.

“Uh, what do you mean?” he asked in a distracted tone, he sniffed subtly and coughed.

You knew what that meant, but still, you hoped it wasn’t what you deep down knew it was.

“Yeah, I mean—“ you said and made a brief pause. “Wanna go to the club? Maybe we can take a ride on the boat, you know, with food, alcohol... just us.”

“Can’t, I’m busy.” he said after a few seconds, if you didn’t know him better and his occasional mood swings, you would’ve said his tone was harsh.

"Really?" you asked in a soft tone, trying to disguise your disappointment with interest. "But I thought we were going out together today."

"Y/N, just because I'm your boyfriend it doesn't mean I have to be with you all the fucking time."

Okay, now he was definitely angry, you thought you said the right thing, but it still made him angry.

"Rafe-"

"No, Y/N. I have a life of my own, you know? Things to do besides you."

“That’s okay Rafe, I get it,” You said calmly, nodding your head softly. “Have fun today.”

Now you clearly heard the sound of him sniffing something and the sigh that left his lips after, and Barry’s voice in the background. “Don’t play the victim card on me, that’s not gonna work. I deserve to have some time off.”

“I didn’t,” you said softly. “And it’s okay baby, you’re right, you deserve to have some fun.”

“See? No need to be so fucking dramatic,” he said, his voice and words slurring. You? Dramatic? It was all him. “But don’t worry princess, I’ll drop by tonight and fuck the attitude out of you, yeah? That way I’m not just doing things with you, I’m doing you.”

And with such a vulgar comment and a harsh tone, Rafe hung up on you, leaving you completely dumbfounded and filled with incredulity.

What you did know for a fact, is that he would keep up his word. And judging by his tone of voice and how annoyed he was, you could already imagine the ache between your legs.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

You knew exactly what you were getting into when you started hooking up with Rafe, and what you were committing to when you agreed to be his girlfriend.

You know that man carries more problems than he shows, he prefers to make himself appear as the Kook prince who lives a life of partying and money; hiding all the things that were going on in his head.

However, there were times when his attitude made you doubt yourself.

You couldn't help but think, ‘What if one day I don't manage to calm him down?’ ‘What if one day he realizes that there is someone prettier, or hotter, or wealthier out there?’

And Rafe would get angry if you doubted yourself. He would complain to you about it, saying you had no reason to be insecure about your looks; if you are absolutely gorgeous, or to feel insecure about your personality; if you were the most genuine person he'd ever met, and you could make him laugh until he forgot all his problems.

But what really made him furious was when you had doubts about the relationship itself, about whether or not he was capable of leaving you for someone else. He took those doubts personally, as if he wasn't trying hard enough to show you how much you mean to him.

When in reality; you were doubting yourself.

'Cause it's always one step forward

You were preparing dinner for you and Rafe, your family was out for the weekend, and Rafe had decided to spend it with you.

Your hair was tied up in a bun, your attire consisted of nothing but your underwear and a shirt that used to be Rafe's, but you took it so long ago that it's yours now.

Music from your shared playlist played in the background, as you danced absentmindedly with a spatula in hand, extremely calm and enjoying time with your boyfriend.

Rafe could do nothing but stare at you with admiration, you are literally the only good thing in his life; his little piece of heaven. You are everything to him.

As soon as Dark Red by Steve Lacy started playing, you let out an excited gasp. That song in particular is Rafe’s and yours, like… if you two had to choose a song to describe your relationship, it would be that one. It represented how you two did not always have good times, but your love prevailed.

Seeing you this happy, comfortable and at ease with him made Rafe's soul happy. All his life, he had done nothing else besides make people angry, disappointed, terrified. But with you, everything was different.

You were so focused on swaying your hips to the music and singing, that you didn't notice when Rafe stood up and walked over to where you were.

It wasn't until he stood behind you, chest to back and with his hands on your hips, that you realized he was closer. His head was bowed, you could feel his breathing close to your ear, so he was able to murmur in your ear the lyrics of the song:

“Only you, my girl, only you, babe,” he sang in your ear, his voice a soft whisper as he wrapped his arms around your body and started to sway with you. “Only you, darling, only you, babe.”

The gesture quickened your heart to unsuspected levels, you felt your knees weaken as you pressed closer to his body, appreciating his closeness as he pressed a kiss against your temple.

“You know I love you so much, right?” he mumbled in your ear, as you closed your eyes and relished his presence.

“I love you too, baby.” you mumbled back, leaning your head against his chest, caressing one of his arms around your waist with your fingertips, and bringing your hand to his ash blond hair, stroking it softly.

and three steps back

“Why is he mad at you, again?” Topper asked you with a raised eyebrow, after witnessing Rafe utterly avoiding even looking at you when he walked into the room and then left without a word.

“Because I told Barry to not open the door if Rafe dropped by,” You replied with a shrug, closing your eyes and leaning back against the chair. “And when Rafe tried to lash out on him, Barry said it all had been ‘Mrs.Country Club’s’ request.”

“And he’s mad at you because you don’t want him to get all fucked up?” Topper questioned next, trying to understand the situation. But he never knew what the fuck you two were up to.

“Yes, but it’s Rafe, are you surprised?” you said with a heavy sigh.

“No, not really,” Topper admitted. “Honestly, I don’t know why you keep up with him, Y/N.”

“I ask myself that all the time…” you said with a deep sigh. “But I love him, so I guess that’s the answer.”

“And? I mean, I don’t want to be ‘that guy’ Y/N, but he’s…” Topper trailed off, apparently looking for the right word.

“I know exactly how he is, Topper, I don’t need you to remind me. I already think about that way too much.”

You and Topper had easily assumed that Rafe was no longer around, since he seemed to be making his best efforts to avoid you.

But Rafe was there, and he heard everything. He’d heard Topper giving you bad advice (or what he considered bad advice) And he heard you, having doubts about why you loved him or stood by him at all,and it made him want to lash out again.

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

No, I don't understand

[+18. Really]

“Leave me alone!” his voice boomed in the room, his brows furrowed and the veins in his neck were popping out.

“Rafe—“ you tried once again, approaching slowly in an attempt to place a hand on his shoulder, but he waved it away aggressively.

“Leave-me-alone,” he said, pausing in between each word to emphasize on how much he meant it. His eyes were bloodshot, his nose had specks of white dust, his lips were dry and his voice was coarse.

You weren’t entirely sure what you could say to get him to calm down. Or if there was anything at all you could do.

Normally, what upsets him the most is Ward. His own father. Rafe has spent his whole life trying to prove he's a good son, to make his father proud, and Ward never appreciates his efforts, only notices the bad, and ignores Rafe's clear calls for help, has since Rafe was 10 years old, so he certainly wasn't going to pay attention to him now that Rafe finally had a steady girlfriend, someone who had willingly decided to help.

95% of the time, you managed to talk to Rafe before he decided to resort to intoxication. Most of the time just seeing you helped him calm down, hearing your voice soothed him, and your lips, your skin, put him in a state of peace.

But the other 5% is when Rafe resorted to alcohol and, above all, drugs.

When Rafe is upset and decides to get high, he only manages to become unstable, erratic and yes, aggressive if not handled with care.

In those situations, the best thing you can do, putting yourself first, is to give him his space. Let him screw himself as much as he wants for that day, and help him deal with the consequences the next day, while you listen to him lament his attitude.

Rafe always said he would quit the vice; claiming you were all he needed to calm himself down, that you made him feel at peace. And above all, that you weren't slowly killing him; on the contrary, every minute he spent with you made him feel more alive.

However, for one reason or another, he always came back to it. Whether it was at a party, because Kelce suggested it, or, as is almost always the case, when he's upset with his father and needs quick relief.

And usually, this ‘quick relief’ ends up with Rafe fucked up, big time.

Once he was convinced that you wouldn't try to intervene again, Rafe went back to his business. He turned to the table, and since he already had the line ready, he simply leaned over and inhaled it, throwing his head back, running his hand through his hair and exhaling as he closed his eyes.

You exhaled heavily, shaking your head as you stared at your feet. You knew he would struggle to quit, after all it is an addiction and he has to fight it, but sometimes you get the impression that Rafe doesn't want to quit, not really.

"Do you want to help me?" asked Rafe eventually, turning his head to look at you. You didn't know if it was a trick question or not, so you hesitated before answering. "Answer me."

"Yes, of course I want to, Rafe." you replied with your respective hesitations, wondering what he was up to.

"Come here then," he said, making a 'come hither’ sign with his fingers.

You took a hesitant step but stopped, your eyes narrowing as you analyzed Rafe, trying to determine his intentions.

He raised both eyebrows in your direction, in a silent question of whether or not you're going to go with him.

Eventually you walked over to where Rafe was, he smiled at you while biting his lip lightly. Without saying anything he approached you and kissed you; the drugs made his senses heighten, so the kiss was intense from the beginning.

So that's when it made sense to you what he wanted, he wanted you. Your most obvious thought is that he would use you to take out your frustration, put the drugs aside and, most likely, fuck you.

Your idea seemed to be the right one as soon as Rafe grabbed you by the waist, still with his lips on yours, left a little bite on your lip before pulling away; and without any problem, lifted you off the floor and placed you on the table.

It's something you wouldn't admit out loud,—mostly out of shame and guilt,—but this kind of sex with Rafe was the best, he's completely unrestrained, rough, full of stamina and teasing, and above all, possessive. And that, in combination with his attractiveness, always drove you crazy.

And honestly; if what he wanted was to fuck you to take out his frustration, you'd let him.

His kisses were hungry and his hands desperate, running all over your body without distinction, as if he didn't know where to start.

He parted his lips from yours, and left a kiss at the corner of them, on your jaw; and began to make a little trail of slow kisses down your neck. The feeling of his lips on your neck made you bite your lip as you wrapped your legs around his waist to feel him closer.

You slid your hand under his shirt, caressing his defined abs and the sides of his body gently with the tips of your fingers, as he left little bites on your neck. Your hands slowly moved up, intending to remove his shirt, but Rafe was quicker and brought his hands to the edge of your shirt, causing you to stop your movements to raise your arms, so he could remove your shirt with ease. And so he did.

He parted his lips from your neck and stared at you, the hunger in his eyes made you feel a fire in the pit of your stomach that only he could put out.

Desperately, your lips connected again as he settled between your legs. One of his hands traveled to your neck, and he wrapped his fingers around it, pressing lightly to the sides. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head; though he couldn't see it.

With just enough strength, Rafe used the grip he had on your neck to push you down onto the table, so that you were lying on top of it.

As soon as he leaned over the table, you could feel his breath over abdomen, so you bit your lip in anticipation for what was to come.

He began to leave slow, wet kisses on your abdomen, making a slow trail to the edge of your shorts. Your automatic reaction was to close your eyes and put a hand in his hair, stroking it gently.

What you didn’t know is that the fact that you closed your eyes had given Rafe an opportunity he couldn't miss. Without you noticing, he slid a hand to the side of the table, where the small bag of white powder was.

To conceal his actions, he unbuttoned your shorts, and returned his lips to the beginning of your abdomen for more time.

The little bite he left to distract your attention caused a gasp to escape your lips; and that sound almost caused him to change plans completely.

He did want to fuck you, don’t get him wrong. He even had a mental debate about whether to continue what he was doing or simply sink his head between your thighs and provoke more sounds like that.

But he wanted to try something first. He had always wanted to try it, but had never asked you, because he knew that you would most likely say no.

With ease, he slid your shorts down your legs; so that they stayed at your ankles or fell to the floor; he didn't care. One of his hands slid into your underwear with ease, his fingers going straight to where he knew you needed him the most.

Trusting that you would not open your eyes, carefully, he put the white substance on your body, so delicately you didn’t notice. He began to prepare to inhale, while biting his lip in reaction to the sinful sounds that left your lips.

And obviously, without warning, Rafe inhaled a line from your thigh.

And all your sounds stopped, your eyes opened and your expression was filled with surprise, the bad kind.

You couldn't believe what Rafe had just done, you felt like an idiot for falling into the trap.

You also had to bite your lip to keep from letting out a moan in reaction to what his fingers were doing in between your legs, but your pride forbade it.

But more than anything else, you were outraged.

“Rafe, you did not just—“

“It felt nice, yeah?” Rafe’s voice was hoarse, you could feel his breath over your skin, as he left little kisses around. “After all, I did feel you clench around my fingers.”

His dirty words, hoarse voice, and close proximity to your body, not to mention his fingers deep inside you, caused you to let out a soft moan, causing Rafe to smirk in what he thought was victory.

But you wouldn't let him win this little game.

Although you really didn't want to, you grabbed his hand by the wrist and pulled him away, your legs trembling slightly at the sudden lack of anything between them.

Rafe's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as soon as you pushed him away from you and got off the table, lifting your shorts off the floor and putting them back on without a word.

"What are you doing?"

You didn't answer, as you searched for your shirt, feeling his heavy gaze on your body.

"Y/N, where do you think you're going?"

“I’m leaving you alone as you asked me to, remember?” you said in irony. “Before you sniffed a line off me after I begged you to quit that shit?”

“Oh, so now you’re playing the victim?” his voice rose. “Don't- Don’t act as if you wouldn’t have let me fuck you less than a minute ago!”

"Yes I would have let you, to distract you from that shit!" you admitted to him, failing to control your anger. "I said I wanted to help you, to distract you, to give you something different to do. Not that I'd give you another place to snort lines from!"

Rafe knew you were right, of course he did.

You had spent months after months trying to get him to quit, you had offered him countless hours of your days to give him something new to do, distractions, attention and love. And this is how he had decided to pay you back?

But Rafe was angry too, very. You had interrupted him, you were yelling at him; and you had left him so hard, that it would start to hurt unless he did something about it.

“Fine, then get the fuck out of here.” Rafe spat, his anger clearly getting the best of him.

Your eyes widened at that, you hadn't expected him to react like that.

Your best case scenario would be that your attitude would piss him off, yes, but that he would retaliate by getting you back to the table and showing you everything you were missing.

Instead, he simply took your word for it and told you to get out of the room.

“What?”

“You heard me, get out.”

“Rafe—“

“You uh, you have three options, yeah? You let me fuck you over that table and do whatever I want, you get out of here, or I’ll get you out of here.”

The first offer was tempting, it really was, but you wouldn’t allow him to talk to you like that. Before anything, came respect and dignity, and no matter how much you wanted him to fuck you silly, you were too angry and disappointed at him to let it slip.

Blinking repeatedly to chase away the tears from your eyes, you grabbed your phone from the other end of the table, your jacket from Rafe's bed, and walked out of there without another word as you heard him calling your name.

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your relationship with Rafe was unique.

Not because of the circumstances in which it was created. A one-night-stand that turned into something casual, that was formalized after a dinner.

If not for Rafe.

You loved him, no doubt about it. You would give anything to see him happy and at peace, at peace with himself and succeeding in his life.

Rafe would do anything for you, really, anything. No matter how risky, demanding or dangerous, he would do anything for you.

He would die and kill for you.

But that surely didn’t mean it was an easy relationship, hell no. In fact, the willingness both of you had to do anything for each other sometimes made things too complicated; for at times it seemed that not a single rational thought crossed your minds.

And yes, Rafe’s addiction was a big issue. Whenever he was too high, or going through withdrawals, he wasn’t the Rafe you knew or had grown to love, it was another side of him you wanted to help get rid off. And the process wasn’t easy.

While trying to get clean; there was no way to know how he’d behave. He could either get clingy and want you around at all times to calm himself down, or he’d be in a very bad mood all the time, constantly snapping at you and raising his voice.

So there were days where he’d walk you to the door of your house and leave you there with a tender kiss and a smile.

Or days when you’d get out of his truck without a word, with tears streaming down your cheeks while he kept yelling for probably the stupidest thing.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

'It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Rafe knew he wasn’t okay. After all, he had begged his father for help, begged for anything that would get those thoughts to stop, but his father hadn’t listened, had only told him to ‘man up.’

You knew he wasn’t okay. Which is why you wanted to help him, to offer the support no one else had bothered to give him before he met you.

Whether he wanted it or not, those thoughts were still there. Being with you made them easier to ignore, but it’s not like they vanished entirely. He still had some ideas that made his own skin crawl.

And sometimes, you’d say or do the wrong thing and trigger those thoughts. And things got bad again for him.

Rafe knew you wanted nothing but to help him get better and be the best version of himself, and he really wanted to give you that. To change and make an effort. Not only for himself but for you. He wanted to be a man worthy of your love.

But it was hard to be anywhere near decent when you two went out and a guy stared at you for longer than Rafe’s limits allowed, or when guys tried to hit on you, when his friends got a little bit too close for his comfort.

Whenever he got jealous, he turned into a walking, talking ticking bomb. Anything could, and would set him off.

It wasn’t your fault, not really, but most of the time you felt it was. You knew Rafe dealt with a lot of insecurities already, of not being a nice person, not being good enough and so many other things. And you hated being one of the factors that caused his insecurities to arise.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

It was a complicated relationship, and it would probably never stop being complicated because both of you are complex people, plus there are other factors that affect the relationship.

But that didn't mean either of you would stop fighting to keep it alive. Neither would let the other go.

Rafe utterly refused to ever let you go. He loved you as he had never loved anyone, as he never thought himself capable of loving with that twisted heart of his.

You are, without exception, the best thing in his life, the best thing that ever happened to him. And you being in his heart was slowly turning him into who he had wanted to be during all those years of loneliness.

And you would never let him go, because you loved him with all your heart, soul and nerve of your body. And because you know that no one will ever love you like him. With so much passion, intensity, honesty and purity.

Because every feeling Rafe expressed with you was true; he was himself with you. And you didn't want to let him go.

Even if the two of you went one step forward, and three steps back, that single step would be longer than any step life makes you take backwards.

795 notes · View notes

bookofmirth · 3 years

Note

Why are some elriel’s so obsessed with elain’s beauty. I love Elain and I am even an elucien before any other ship but like just because she’s the prettiest sister does not mean anything and it doesn’t add to her growth in the least that’s why I keep on saying I don’t think elriel’s realize that Elain has problems her biggest problem is not choosing between Lucien or Azriel , I don’t think they realize that Elain is going through a lot and she’s just pretending to be happy, her conversation with nesta both times in ACOSF proves so much, she has work to do on herself, big time and believe it or not I think elain is very self centered, I don’t even think elain herself knows she is but she actually is , which is why I get so annoyed when they make everything about her beauty. We have a female that has been programmed to think that her only productive thing in life is to be beautiful, can’t you guys see the problem, that might even be another reason why she’s so skeptical and wary with Lucien and is clinging to azriel, her obvious first thought will be “Lucien only wants me for my beauty but I have had conversations with azriel and he seems like he wants me for more than my beauty and sees me”. Them arguing with gwynriel’s about who is finer between Gwyn and Elain is just one of the dumbest things I have seen because not only are they increasing elain’s issues , they are making her seem shallow.

Elain's beauty could be a really interesting conversation if we talk about the things that you pointed out, like her fear that that's all people see of her. Or the fact that she has pretty privilege and how that has reinforced her passivity. Or the fact that her beauty was seen as a commodity by her mother.

Elain's beauty could tell us a lot about her character, but using it in comparison to other characters (e.g. the two prettiest people in Prythian should be together, Elain is prettier than Gwyn, etc.) is super shallow.

We have a female that has been programmed to think that her only productive thing in life is to be beautiful, can’t you guys see the problem, that might even be another reason why she’s so skeptical and wary with Lucien

This is very possible! If you have a woman who is that traditionally beautiful, and she's got a mate now, she might have a lot of fears around why, exactly, Lucien would want to be with her. Justifiable, understandable fears that have nothing to do with Lucien, and everything to do with how her beauty has been treated by the people around her.

her conversation with nesta both times in ACOSF proves so much, she has work to do on herself, big time and believe it or not I think elain is very self centered

I agree with this too (sorry I am responding out of order haha). I think that not appearing at Nesta's "intervention" was one of the biggest signs that Elain is not okay. She wasn't able to be there as support for Nesta at a moment when she knew that Nesta would feel ganged up on. All their lives they have been like two peas in a pod, and we can argue about whether or not they were ever really close, but Elain was unable to be there to support the person she is ostensibly closest to, at a pivotal moment in Nesta's life. That's not someone who is okay, and not only that, it tells me that Elain knows she isn't okay, if she had to take herself out of the situation entirely because she knew she couldn't handle it in the way she needed to. I mean this woman goes to the Court of Nightmares looking like a sick puppy for political maneuvering but she can't be there for Nesta? Amongst her family and so-called friends? In a place where she is supposedly at home?

This makes me want to do an actual meta on Elain and beauty, partly because I think it does mean things but not what the fandom wants it to mean.

#elain #ask #anon #acotar #acosf

23 notes · View notes

clarythericebot · 3 years

Text

potential internal conflicts/character arcs for nhie s2

(based on the table read, news, and things that i personally just want to see :P)

- Devi learning to see others as ends of themselves instead of means to an end. No-brainer that this is going to be a theme next season (especially with that pros and cons list of her love interest), but I’m so excited to see how the show’s going to handle it. As I rambled about on this post, one of Devi’s biggest developments as a character was to stop treating Ben as an extension of herself (either as boxing him into the role of Antagonist/Nemesis in her own narrative or as a hateful mirror that points out personal traits she dislikes) and as an actual person and friend, and it’s that which sparks the small epiphany of her feelings towards him. From the table read and the stills, though, it sounds like she might be putting him in a new, albeit prettier box: Love Interest. The same box that she puts in Paxton, who at this point also does have genuine feelings for Devi. She’s looking at them as experiences, not people, and it’s all going to inevitably blow up in her face.

- The Devi/Fabiola/Eleanor friendship changing somehow. I had this impression that all season 1, the three of them have been hanging on to a dynamic that just doesn’t work anymore, in light of Devi’s grief, Eleanor’s abandonment, and Fabiola’s identity conflict. While Devi is definitely in the wrong of blatantly choosing a guy’s inconvenience over her best friend’s weightier problems, I think the larger problem here is that they don’t seem to know how to be there for each other for difficulties larger than to do with school, although the care and concern is there. It actually takes a third party to push them towards solving the overarching issues in their friendship, and even then only briefly. I’d really like to see this explored as a conflict shared between the three of them, instead of it being sidelined completely as Devi being selfish.

- The narrative that Devi will tell Princeton + the parts of herself she’s willing to take to college. (These are technically two conflicts, but I feel like it would make sense to intertwine them, especially since they’ve already been intertwined in the Ganesh Puja episode.) Devi has expressed her intention about leaving her Indian-ness completely and utterly behind her, as well as all the other embarrassing and painful parts of her identity (her grief and her insecurities). She’s come to terms with her father’s death to an extent, but she doesn’t seem to have yet accepted how his death has shaped and marked her. I think this is going to extend with how she deals with her Indian identity, and perhaps how she deals with her relationships.

- The double-standard between Kamala and Devi. On one level I understand Nalini probably treats them different because of her differing relationships with them—one’s her niece that only came to live with them and the other is her only child, her whole family. On the other hand, from the narration Devi has never really experienced her mother expressing such a blatant double standard in favor of Kamala before (about her secret boyfriend); she fully believed her cousin would get into trouble. It never did get addressed.

- In the first season, we experienced how Kamala’s western ideals influenced the part of her life still infused with tradition (her relations to other Indian people and her arranged marriage). The still of Kamala in a labcoat makes me hopeful for the inverse this season: how Kamala’s arranged marriage and traditional ideals affect her career as a scientist.

- Paxton engaging in the fact that he likes someone who is smarter than him (at least in a bookish sense). I’ve never seen this conflict delved into before—most writers just ignore it, focusing on what the love interests have in common (and don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to Paxton engaging Devi in this way, either by trying new things or revealing some hobbies or interests we haven’t made privy to). This insecurity is so close to his chest, though, and as much as Devi seems to make a point not to make him feel bad about it, it would be fascinating friction since Devi is very rightfully proud of her intellectual prowess. I imagine this will only be accentuated with knowing that his competition for Devi’s affections is someone razor-edge smart.

- Ben’s anger, and it being dealt with in constructive and destructive ways. I think one of the (numerous) things that I love about Ben and Devi is that they have different approaches to their internal and external conflicts. Devi runs away internally, refusing to face grief and sadness, while she delves head-first into external situations (e.g. asking Paxton to have sex with her, going to a Model UN trip with absolutely no prep and being willing to steal alcohol, talking to her friend’s estranged mom in other to get back into said friend’s good graces). Ben, on the other hand, has remarkable emotional intelligence underneath his high school immaturity (he can read Devi beyond her words actions, he doesn’t deny the isolation and loneliness that he feels, he is prepared to be vulnerable in certain situations) but he doesn’t do anything about it (he stops himself from telling his parents how abandoned he feels, he gives in to his girlfriend essentially using him as a prop, he is ushered into dining in his nemesis’ house by her concerned mother). Then Devi kisses him, and suddenly he’s willing to put his eggs in one basket. He stands up to his parents and demands that they spend family dinner together—because of her, he claims. He breaks up with his girlfriend, finally admitting that what they had wasn’t real, and earnestly informing Devi that he thinks what they have is. “I’m all in,” he tells her, thus crushing my heart. Because what’s strongly being implied, at least by the first part of the first episode, is that Devi’s either going to choose Paxton or neither of them. I imagine that Ben, used to being abandoned time and time again, will not react well to that. (This is expanded in this really awesome meta by @catty-words). There’s potential for the show to frame this as sexist entitlement, but I’d like to hope that the creators will be more compassionate to Ben’s conflict, as they have been in the past. It would genuinely be hurtful for someone you’ve displayed a lot of vulnerability to suddenly turn tail and say it didn’t mean as much to her. My guess is that he’ll lock into their nemesis status quo from before and lean into it hard, and it will likely hurt him badly. What I’d also like to see, though, (if only to assuage my own heartbreak) is him taking steps to deal with this a little more constructively, in addition to the inevitable self-destruction. I’d love to see him get back in touch with his ride-or-die middle school friends or even make new ones. In fact, I suspect that’s who the character of Aneesa is going to be, regardless of whether she becomes a contender for his love interest.

Aneesa is described as someone whose confidence and radiance will pose an immediate threat to Devi. I doubt that means she’ll be another academic rival, at least not completely; Devi already has Ben for that. As for romantic rivalry, it is likely not going to be Paxton Aneesa will be paired with, since it’ll only be a rehash of Devi’s insecurities of Paxton liking ‘hotter’ girls like Zoe and vying for his attention. (There’s a possibility she and Paxton will have history together and that threatens Devi even if she’s already in a relationship with him, but for me, that’s a less interesting choice than letting Devi focus on the challenges that will be inherent with Paxton being her boyfriend.) I think Aneesa will be another mirror for Devi—who she could have been if she pursued friendship and openness and maybe even a relationship with Ben, and that’s likely going to make Devi bitterly jealous. If this results in friendship and openness and maybe even a relationship for Ben (a deeper, more genuine one than his previous), I’m completely here for it, even if I am still hoping for a Bevi endgame.

(Low-key theorizing that Ben's smiling at Aneesa here, btw)

#clary scribbles #nhie meta #ben gross #devi vishwakumar #devi x ben #nalini vishwakumar #kamala nandiawada #paxton hall yoshida #never have i ever

65 notes · View notes

talesbytilda · 3 years

Text

black brown hair

The girls on tv are blond and blue eyed.

I tug my black brown hair and wish my eyes were prettier.

Later, I stand by a mirror and try to find the highlights in my hair that stand out when the sun hits them right.

I peer into my brown eyes and convince myself they’re lighter. I hate my face.

“No,” my mom says, pressing her lips together. “You are unique.”

Maybe I am, I think. But the girls on tv are prettier.

…

I am under the comforter, smiling as I read the responses of my online friends. It’s the only thing that brings me comfort.

Someone new joins our conversation.

“Hello, where are you from?”

“Korea,” I type with pride, because I have grown to love my black brown hair and eyes.

“Ha, I bet you like to eat cats.”

I am already removing them from the chat, hiding their message nearly on instinct. It’s not the first time it’s happened.

My phone buzzes with reassurances from my friends. I ignore them and bury my face into my pillow. They are wrong. I love cats. Why would I like to eat them?

…

The park is a good place for fresh air. The wind bows low as it passes, and I am glad we are outside at last.

I look down and notice my sister’s mask is slipping. I push up it back up and hope no one is listening to my parents’ conversation as they chatter in Korean.

As I walk toward the entrance, a boy brushes past me, muttering Chinese or Corona, I can’t tell which. He can’t either.

My heart twists in my chest.

Why blame them? Why blame us?

We walk further down the path. Two elderly woman stare at us like we have two heads each and shuffle away. I want to cry.

I start to straighten my sister’s mask again and stop.

Why do I bother when they judge us as soon as they see us? They only see our skin, our eyes, and our black brown hair.

…

We are sitting in a restaurant. It’s been more than a year since the pandemic, and more than a few months since the restaurants have opened again. I am glad to be eating out for the first time in two years.

I lean over to unfold my sister’s napkin and remind my brother to sit up. When the waitress comes, I smile at her the best I can with my mask on.

The food is good. We eat pizza and garlic bread and pasta and laugh when my sister puts the crust up to her face.

At the end of the meal, the waitress comes with the check, remarking, “I have a daughter with a Chinese boyfriend. He’s very nice.”

She tops it off with a smile, as if we made him nice.

I want to ask, why do you assume where we’re from instead of asking? I want to ask, what were you trying to say by telling us? That she thinks Chinese people are nice? That we should be proud of her daughter’s boyfriend?

I do not understand, but I smile anyway. That is what she expects us to do.

…

I log onto Omegle, eager to talk to any people who want to talk about my interests.

The first person is nice. We talk about kdrama s and school and I am content when I leave.

I play truth or dare with the second, and comfort two other girls going through friendship issues.

But this is the internet, and I receive just as many horny old men as I do harmless people.

I skip all of them.

On the internet I am invisible, and I do not have to worry about forced smiles and manners for people who don’t deserve it.

It doesn’t stop me from sighing every time a person comments how hot my nationality is.

“Asians are my kink.”

“I love feeling powerful to a Korean girl.”

“Koreans are so submissive, it’s so hot.”

I wonder, why do people fetishize an underage girl as soon as they realize she is Asian?

I am not docile. I am not sweet or submissive to white men. I am not your fetish.

I am a child.

…

I am scared.

I see headlines of Asians being killed every day.

So many, and killed for what?

Their skin. Their eyes. Their black brown hair.

Their voices. Their language. Themselves.

Please.

What can we be except for ourselves?

What will make this nightmare end?

#stop asian hate #original poem #korean #asian american #asian fetishization #writer

14 notes · View notes

blueunoia · 4 years

Text

❤ ──── ·․ under watchful eyes (pt. 2)

━━━ SYNOPSIS: the reader and arvin find themselves back together and share a moment of joy with the intent of keeping what happened between their families and reverend teagardin but it’s hard to keep secrets in a small town where secrets don’t stay buried for long.

━━━ WARNINGS: teenage proposal, harassments/bullying, and (minimal) description of violence.

━━━ NOTES: Movie spoilers towards end of story. As mentioned in the warning Arvin proposes to the reader despite them only being 18, I decided to do this because it was very common for teens to get married in the 60s, especially in a situation like this (very religious family or town and interest in sex) so I thought it would add some fluff and drama while being time accurate. Like I said in the last part, I don’t condone any of Arvin's action he clearly has severe anger issues at least and mentally ill as a result of his traumatic childhood at worst. Hope you enjoy!

━━━ WORD COUNT: 2,379

━━━ PART(S): part three

✦·․ ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ❤ ․·✦·․·✦·․· ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ──── ❤ ──── ․·✦

The car ride home was the same as the ride to church: wordless. Arvin's hands clutched the steering wheel, and he stared with a stern gaze at the road ahead. Lenora wanted to say something, but she knew better not to. When Arvin was in a mood like this, it was almost always useless to calm him down. Unless it was you, somehow you always knew what to say. That or Arvin was so whipped that he just listened to you (and he didn't listen to anyone).

When they finally arrived home, Arvin rushed inside, avoiding his Grams. Getting out of his church clothes, he thought about how likely it would be to get to the phone in the kitchen without his Grandma seeing. Then he thought about how likely it was that you'd even pick up or that your momma would let you talk to him.

Not likely, he surmised. So with a glance downstairs, he tried to bolt to his car so he could wait for Lenora in peace. She never took too long to get ready. Just pick out her dress and then brush her hair. Lenora didn't wear makeup; she never believed women should paint their faces like that. Arvin hadn't seen his grandmother, so he thought he'd be okay, but after almost reaching the door, he heard her call out.

"Now, Arvin, I know you aren't trying to sneak out with talking to me," she said. She was sat at the kitchen table with a disapproving look on her face. Pointing towards Arvin, she curved her fingers to herself, telling him to come to her. With a sigh, he followed, sitting down at the table.

"Yes?" he asked, annoyed.

"I know you're upset, but your gonna have to apologize to that priest-"

"I ain't apologizing to that creep!"

Grams shook her head at his stubbornness, so much like his father, "You will. He is a man of God, and you tried to fight him! Do you know how many looks I'm gonna get when I go out into town? You can't be behaving like that. I won't allow it. I'm not gonna let you run wild like those city kids," she finished before standing up. Pointing the finger at Arvin, she held a stern look, "Don't you fight with me, boy."

Arvin sighed, defeated; he didn't want his grandmother to be looked at poorly. He gave her a short nod before standing up himself, "I gotta go to school," he mumbled. Grandma nods but grabs him before he leaves, gripping the sides of his shirt and tucking them in for him. Arvin let out a little laugh at it. He swore she got more persnickety every year she grew older.

After that, she finally let Lenora and him leave for school. As they drove, Lenora smiled as she noticed Arvin's mood seemed to be better now. However, her smile faltered as Lenora saw Mrs. L/N car pass theirs. Arvin immediately took his eyes off the road to try and see Y/N. But she wasn't there. Lenora could see the change in Arvin's deposition as soon as he realized it; eyes back on the road, he gritted out, "Did you see her?"

Lenora shook her head softly. "Maybe she was laying down?" she offered.

Arvin's jaw tightened. "Her momma probably left her with that preacher," he growled. "I don't trust him."

Lenora looks toward Arvin. "Why not? Pastor Teagardin seems nice."

"Nice? He's a creep! I've seen how he's been looking at the girls. It ain't normal, Lenora," Arvin rants. "I don't want her left alone with him."

As they pulled into the school parking lot, Lenora grabbed her bag and opened the door, waiting to hear Arvin's door shut too. When the click never hit her ears, she turned around, seeing Arvin still in the car. Lenora frowns, "Aren't you coming in, Arvin?"

He shook his head, "I got something to do."

"You aren't going back to fight that preacher, are you?" Lenora huffs, "You can't-"

"I'm not gonna fight 'im, Lenora. I just got something to do, okay?" Arvin asks, starting the car. His eyes had a pleading look. "Just don't tell Grams, alright? I'll be back to pick you up when schools out."

Lenora sighs with defeat, "Alright. I won't tell Grams."

He wasn't lying. Arvin did have something to do, and it didn't have to do with his bad feeling about that preacher. Arvin drove back to the lake that Reverend Teagardin had caught the two at for a specific reason. He lost an important thing there, an important box that held an essential ring for him. Arvin didn't intend to propose so soon. He wanted to wait 'til the summer came, and the two of you might've left town. With everything that happened, though, he could only imagine one way, your mother and father would let the two of you keep seeing each other. They were also stricter than his grandma, not too severe, but they followed his words when it came to God.

So Arvin was going to make an honest woman out of you. The only problem being he had the box in his car from when he bought it, and now Arvin couldn't find it, he remembered how he hastily hid it when you two went on your date, and all he could imagine is it fell out. So he drove back to the dreaded lake pulling in and checking for the Reverend.

Once he made sure the coast was clear, he got out of the car. Looking around the ground, Arvin didn't notice you when you stepped out from behind the tree you had hidden behind. You let out a breath when you realized it was Arvin, a smile etching itself on your face. Watching him closely, you saw him looking at the ground and bending down. What was he looking for?

"Arvin?" you called out.

Arvin stood up immediately, and his head spun around until he saw you. He couldn't stop himself from smiling and coming towards you, and then he realized what he was holding and hastily threw it in the dashboard. You ran to him and threw your arms around him. Arvin reciprocating faster than he ever had, squeezing you gently. "Are you alright?" he breathed out.

"Yes," you said immediately, "I am now, at least." You pulled away from Arvin, putting a hand on his cheek. "I missed you," you said quietly. Arvin was never too good with words, so he nods before bringing his lips to yours. The kiss was soft, both of you deepening it quickly and your tongues caressing each other. When Arvin pulled away, he couldn't help but chuckle at the dreamy look on your face.

You bit your lip, "What if someone sees us again?"

Arvin hadn't thought about that, but now you said that all he could think about is what would happen if Teagardin saw you two again. Undoubtedly, your parents would never let you see him. Grabbing your hand, he dragged you back into his car, and the two of you set off on a drive until you found somewhere else to stay. It was just a simple park, out of town where no one would see. You and Arvin held hands when you walked in, the two of you talking about your nights. You turn to him, "Do you like my new skirt?" it was off-topic, but you were smiling now genuinely smiling, so he didn't mind.

Arvin smiles back at you. "You look prettier than Kelly and Hepburn," he compliments. You smile shyly, and your cheeks flush with color. Arvin retakes your hand, bringing you to the nearby park bench.

"I wanted to ask you something," Arvin says, fidgeting with his hands. "With everything that happened... I know that your 'momma isn't going to let you see me anymore. Probably not for a while at least, and I don't want that. I know I don't say it often, but I love you. I love you a lot, Y/N, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life," he felt the bubble of nervous go from his stomach and rise into his chest. He couldn't help but second guess. You were both so young, but then again, most people got married around your age, maybe a little older right? He let out a breath and calmed himself, grabbing the ring from his jacket pocket. "I want you to marry me. I know it's soon, but it'd make your parents happy, and I want to be with you."

You looked at the ring he had in his hand in shock, but Arvin could tell from the smile on your face that you were happy, and soon enough, you threw your arms around him with a "Yes!"

For a moment, everything was perfect. The two of you sharing each other's warmth, Arvin is sliding the simple ring onto your finger, and nothing lousy stirring in your thoughts. It didn't seem like anything wrong could touch you two, but still, it did, and it started that night.

You had the head home soon after that. You never told Arvin what happened with the preacher. After Arvin proposed, it didn't cross your mind. You spent the car ride laughing, listening to music, and talking about how you thought everyone would react to your news. The two of you drove to the school first to pick up Lenora, and you thought about if you should take your ring off or not. You were so distracted that you didn't realize Lenora was running out of the school for the third time this week. Frowning, you open the door for her, and she jumped into the car.

"Y/N?" she asks, shutting it, but the noise of Gene and his gang coming out hollering stopped you from talking. Arvin drove off in a hurry glaring at the boys. They'd did their time, soon, he thought. Lenora noticed your ring, but you and Arvin had decided it'd be best not to tell her yet. Lenora wasn't known for her secret-keeping skills, but a part of you thought she knew.

You went to the cemetery with Lenora, all three of you traveling up to her mother's grave. Arvin couldn't help but notice your troubled looks the longer you stayed. He didn't ask why, though. It must've been about your momma, he told himself; it was getting a little dark out already.

So he drove you home after that. None of you expected to see the sheriff outside your home, though. Did she report you missing? You thought. That'd be a little extreme. As you stepped out of the car hastily, Arvin promised to stay behind in case something terrible broke out. Your breath hitched when you realized why the Sherriff was here. Arvin stepped out of the car at the terror on your face and felt the anger boil inside of him.

"W-H-O-R-E" was spelled out in red paint on your daddy's car. There were egg yolk and shells scattered across your yard and a broken window. Running up the hill, your mother saw you and pulled you into a hug. "Who did this?" you asked, tears pricking at your eyes.

Your mother didn't acknowledge Arvin, who had ditched his cigarette and was now behind you, fists balled up. Your mother shook her head. "It was just some criminal boys," she pulls away from you, but her hands still tightly grasp your arms. "Where have you been?"

Arvin stomped off. He knew what 'rascal boys' your mother was talking about, and he wasn't going to sit here and let them torture you too. He ignored the bicker as he got into his car, hurling the door shut.

"Is she okay?" Lenora asks softly.

"She'll be fine. Let's get home."

When Arvin dropped off Lenora at the church the next day, he didn't stay with her. Your momma had kept you home, so when he returned to the school, he was just by his lonesome. Waiting patiently outside in his car, the rain poured down while he kept watching for Tommy Matson. Arvin kept himself busy by going through his pack of cigarettes, anxious about what he would do. It had to be done, though; he kept telling himself. Eventually, Tommy Matson came out with a girl, the two headings off to the bus to mess around. It made him angrier. How could he judge you when he was doing the same thing? Arvin made a noise outside of the bus, and Tommy came to check on it, not seeing Arvin before he pulled him out of the bus and brought down the tire iron on his back.

After that, he set after Orville and Gene. Both of them were in the garage working on the car. Gene didn't see him coming when he slammed the car hood over him. He grabbed Orville and punched him a few times, rubbing the twinkie in his face before turning back to grab Gene, who tried to run off. Kicking Gene, he made sure to keep him down while he wrestled the brown paper bag over his head. If it weren't for the bag, Gene would be able to feel Arvin's breath. "You touch my sister or my girl again, and I'll kill you."

Arvin left Gene there, and he saw Orville run off after he left the garage. He figured Orville helped Gene; he was wrong though, it'd take several hours until someone found him. The paper bag still on his head. Arvin wouldn't lie: he didn't feel bad about it.

Arvin went and got Lenora from the cemetery, apologizing about how he missed it, but she didn't seem to mind. She didn't notice the blood on his knuckles either. Lenora seemed happier. "I know you probably got other things you'd like to do, so; I can come to the church on my own now."

Arvin didn't ask any questions about the sudden revelation from Lenora. He didn't realize how bad a mistake that was in the moment because in only a few more months, things would get worse than they ever had been, and he wouldn't have Lenora to confide in.

I hope you enjoyed part two! I posted this on my AO3 (under the same name) first and kind of forget to post it on my tumblr so it’s a little late. I was kind of shocked at how many views it got on here but I’m happy people enjoyed it.

Don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment!

━━━ MASTERLIST

#tdatt #the devil all the time #arvin russell #arvin russell imagine #tom holland character #tw: harrassment

191 notes · View notes

simsadventures · 5 years

Text

Not Me: Chapter 5: Confusion

CEO!Bucky x wife! Reader

Summary: Bucky recalls times in your marriage that were ambiguous, trying to find out where the truth is, while going carefully over the contract he signed when he got the company. And he suddenly sees things from a different perspective.

Warnings: angst (what’s new), swearing, mentions of sex, Bucky’s “POV”

Word Count: 2186

A/N: A lot of good’ol Buckaroo and his thoughts on certain issues in this chapter. Thought it might help. So what did you guys think? :) xx Oh btw, I have no idea how contracts work, so bear with me :D

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter

Bucky was sitting on what was previously your bed, reading the letter you left behind over and over. At first, he went straight to his previous way of thinking, believing this was some kind of manipulation from you. But the longer he read it, the more he realised it was genuine. You were genuinely hurt, Bucky suddenly realised, and his heart gave a painful thud in his chest.

Was it all just some weird game somebody else was playing, destroying two innocent people along the way? But more importantly, was Bucky unknowingly destroying you all this time, when you had nothing to do with all of this?

Bucky recalled the night he “proposed” to you. At that time, he thought you were playing some sick game, trying to provoke him with your happiness. But he suddenly imagined your joyous face in front of him, the tears in your eyes giving them even glossier look just made you look prettier. But then, Bucky didn’t want to think of you as pretty or hot. You were the enemy for him and his family, and he tried to do everything in his power to forget about the way you tasted when he finally gave in to his urges.

Sex with you was the best he ever had, and every time he was with a woman ever since he imagined your face in front of him. He thought of the little noises you made when you came for him, and it never failed to make him horny. But he willed himself to forget about it, to think of it as sealing the deal. He slept with you on a few other occasions, always drunk because that was the only way he could look at you the same way he used to when you were younger.

Bucky closed his eyes and sighed heavily. Could he have been doing all that with you all this time, if somebody wasn’t playing you two like puppets?

He laughed bitterly as he realised that the only played person was most probably him. That from the drama in the kitchen and from the letter in his hand, it started to be more than obvious you had no idea what was going on. You were probably just happy to finally have a chance with him, after all those years he tried to make himself as independent as he could.

Bucky needed to talk to you as soon as possible, just to ask some general questions in case he was wrong about you right now, but he doubted he was. Things finally started to make a little more sense. He still didn’t want to think of the people or the person who was actually doing all this, because he had the feeling he wouldn’t survive it just now.

But first, he needed to consult the only other person he felt like he could trust. Steve.

Bucky gave him a short call asking him to come to his house, and Steve didn’t waste a second getting there. He could hear that something was seriously wrong by the tone of Bucky’s voice. His best friend was rarely confused or surprised, let alone upset.

When he came into the house, he called for Bucky, looking around, seeing that some things have changed, and from the weird feeling in his stomach, Steve could say that you were gone. For good. And although it should have been a good thing after the things you’ve done to Bucky and his family in the recent year and something, Steve felt that there was more to the story.

He almost ran up the stairs, finding Bucky in your room, sitting on your bed with something between his fingers. Bucky had his eyes closed, and if Steve didn’t know better, he would say Bucky was actually asleep. But from the set jaw and clenched fist and overall rigid posture, Steve knew that his best friend was just thinking.

“Hey there, bud. What happened? Where’s Y/N?”

“Gone. She’s gone, pal. And while a few days ago I would take that as a victory, I have the feeling I should be mourning and not celebrating. I told you about the little fight we had in the kitchen the night of the party, right?” Bucky asked, and Steve just nodded, beckoning Bucky to continue.

“I’ve had some doubts ever since then, but today, man. Today my father and her father vetoed me in company’s vote, which I didn’t even think was possible. But about that later. And Y/N was sick the week after the party, and then I was too busy to actually take notice of her, but that doesn’t matter. My father came barging in today, telling me that Y/N wanted a child from me or she’ll reveal some new photos that I haven’t seen yet. But, I’m telling you, man, she was too sick to even have her eyes opened, let alone to plot a fucking masterplan. And then I came home, ready to confront her, finally, and I found only this letter laying on her bed, and she is fucking gone,” Bucky sighed and handed Steve the letter to have a look on his own.

They both remained quiet while Steve read over the letter a few times to be sure he didn’t miss anything.

“This actually sounds like she just wants to be free, doesn’t it? Like she would actually be relieved if I signed the divorce papers. Or am I just seeing things?” Bucky asked, genuinely concerned.

“Look, something stinks here. Because this is really Y/N telling you that she wants to have nothing to do with you, ever again, pretty much, and from what you told me about the party, she also acted honestly. So why somebody who is trying to get away from you and whose life you made living hell, I quote here, would want a fucking kid with you? It doesn’t make any sense, Buck, none at all,” Steve mused, looking at Bucky with concern in his eyes.

“What if, all this time, it wasn’t her making all those demands, but somebody else, a third party, and the only thing I did was hurt her over and over?”

“I don’t know, Buck. And why didn’t you pick up her phone? If you have this feeling for some time, you could’ve talked to her today,” Steve added.

Bucky quickly grabbed his phone and showed Steve his missed calls. There were none.

Steve’s eyes perked up as he looked from Bucky to the phone and back to Bucky.

Bucky then went through his contacts, finding yours under simply your name, and when he clicked on the contact, it showed him that your number has been blocked in his phone.

“You blocked her in some tantrum?”

“Have I ever had a fucking tantrum, man? I had never blocked anybody, even that crazy chick that called me nonstop when we were 20. I never tried to contact Y/N, that’s on me, but I wouldn’t block her number. What if she was in danger and she’d call me? I wouldn’t be so dumb.”

Steve scoffed and raised an eyebrow at his friend. “If what you think is true, I don’t think she’d call you if she were in danger.”

Bucky sighed, knowing that Steve was right. He quickly unblocked your number and stared at the screen, musing at whether to call you or not. He didn’t even know what he’d say anymore. He was just confused, and he couldn’t grasp anything that was happening around him. And he hated to feel this helplessness inside him. But if you were really innocent, Bucky thought, you must have felt like this the whole time. And once again, Bucky’s heart hurt at the thought of it.

Bucky didn’t call you that night. He thought he would look into the contract before he made any rash decisions. Luckily, he grabbed it last night as he was leaving the office so he could have enough privacy to go through it line by line.

He was going through it, paying attention to every little detail. So far, nothing caught his attention, everything was the way it supposed to be and what he remembered from reading it the first time.

It was when he got to the almost conclusion of the contract, that he stumbled upon an interesting clause.

In case Barnes and Clark’s families connect through marriage, the company cannot be sold to anybody else, nor can any third party take over the company as such. In this case, the founding members of the company stay in leadership positions, able to veto the CEO’s decisions. Further explanation of this clause to be found in section 17, clause 198.

Bucky furiously turned the pages of the contract between his fingers, trying to get to the section mentioned. When he got to section 17, he quickly skimmed through the pages to find clause 198, but he could only find number 197 before section 18 started.

Ok, now this was more than weird. Where the hell was the fucking section and how in the fucking hell would you even be able to put such shitty clause into his contract? You’ve never even seen the fucking papers. Before this day, it was safely confined behind closed doors of his office. The only people who ever even saw the contract were… his and your fathers.

Bucky’s stomach clenched, recalling the photos of his sister splayed on different surfaces, on various men, doing God knows what. Would any of your fathers be so insane, especially his own fucking father, to use his daughter as leverage against Bucky? And what was the third party mentioned in the contract?

Bucky hoped that his confusion would dissipate after reading through it, but it only caused him to be more upset. It was now more than evident that you had no fucking idea what was happening around you. And that this whole time, you were actually trying to be a good wife to him, just trying to please him and his fucking manners.

He acted like a douche to you this whole time because he thought you were the devil’s spawn, trying to get a reaction out of you and make your life as bad as he thought his own life was, while you had no idea what was going on.

Bucky wanted to die there and then. He quickly picked up his phone and shot you a text message, hoping you two could talk for the first time since you got married, and you could find a way to be civil. He knew that hoping for anything else would be foolish. He would sign the divorce papers to free you from himself. He was obviously toxic for you, and he wanted to redeem himself, even if it meant never seeing you again.

You slumped down on your couch, totally exhausted. You tried to make your apartment liveable and comfortable, just trying to make it feel like a home. Not that you felt like that in a long time. You thought that taking stuff you bought to make yourself feel better in Bucky’s house would prove a good thing, but the more you looked at the fluffy pillows, the worse you felt.

You knew it was a good thing that you left and you had no regrets about that part. But as you were finally alone, you realised one simple thing.

Sure, Bucky made your life a living hell for no apparent reason. And you definitely weren’t forgetting nor forgiving that anytime soon. But you knew you could’ve done more. That you could’ve talked to him, could’ve made him listen to your reasoning. It might have not helped, but you should have tried more.

But that was in the past, you knew Bucky, and you had no future, and you only prayed you could be civil enough to maybe come back to work one day. You got up from the couch to have a quick shower, getting the dirt and exhaustion out of your system.

When you got up, you went to cook yourself some super unhealthy dinner, something you missed terribly in your previous life. You just wanted to check your phone to check the time so that you could cook your meal properly.

Your heart stopped when you saw there was a message waiting for you.

From: James

Hello, Y/N. I know you probably don’t ever wanna talk to me again, and I understand that. But could you find it in you, to see me, possibly one last time? I promise I’ll sign whatever divorce papers you wish me to. I just feel like I should explain certain things. You don’t own me anything, but I’m begging you to give me the chance to tell you some information, and most importantly, to apologise for everything.

Please, let me know if you would be up for this.

Bucky

Oh shit, you thought and had to grab the counter behind you not to fall from all the shock coursing your veins. What the hell just happened?

/Next Chapter >

Not Me:

@jennmurawski13 @lovely-geek @vogueworthy-barnes @veronawrites @loser-alert @trumpettay @thesoldierrogers @girlbehindthecameraposts @little-smurf @jesseswartzwelder @fuckwhateverfuck @learisa @karla-silva @blowing-mikey @afterlaughter27 @93generation @ungratefultroll @maybeisthemoon @greenprisca @geeksareunique @champagnesugamama @hailqueenconquer @grincheveryday @mc225g @thatweirdwalangpake @neerness @ntlmundy @captainchrisstan @sspider-parker @cap-just-said-language @nd1998sc @cltex84 @eliza5616 @clearlysaltybeard @joannie95 @angel-of-blue @hailmary-yramliah @rohaintahquil @ilovemysupersoldiers @xbuckxnastyx @jemimah-b99 @imcreepininyourheartbabe @welovecaptainamericaass @void-imaginations @what-is-your-plan-today @nikishadow @ariesmadness97 @sarcastic-and-cool @asiaaisa77 @supermassiveblackhope @fifiyau105 @sarcastic-and-cool @littlemissporter @yanderedarkfics @onl-you @inquisitor-selvala @fallenoutofrose @nostalthicc @mrsfox79 @sergeantbuchanans @barnestann @coke-zerooooo @losers-club6 @boogiewoogiebutt

Forever Tag:

@eileenalone @sasbb23 @p8tn0lish @coffeebooksandfandom @waiting4inspiration @caswinchester2000 @mogaruke @justthatfangirloverthere @mushyjellybeans @livsheph @sebbbystaaan @notyourtypicalrose @itsunclebucky @rinkashirikitateku @leosandbuckysgirl @miraclesoflove @keithseabrook27 @official-and-unstable-satan

Bucky Taglist

@this-kitten-is-smitten @paradisiacalsparks @crazybutconfidentaf @owlyannah @lassini @s-trawberryv-eins @reniescarlett @bxrnsfeyson @the-soulofdevil @haru-ririchiyo @winterboobear11

Marvel Taglist

@voltage-my2dlove @kneel-begyourpardon @lumar014 @ptrs-prkrs

If your name is crossed out, tumblr won’t let me tag you for some reason, I’m sorry.

If you’d like to be tagged comment/message/send an ask. If you like the story, please reblog :) any comments are appreciated, even the critical ones. Always a space to get better, so let me know what you guys think.

886 notes · View notes

calpalirwin · 4 years

Text

Waiting Game

Request: Heyy! I have a request but if you find it odd you can not write it. Anyways. What if ash chase the reader for a time then finds out she doesnt want to be with him cause she wants to wait till marry... you know... what would be his reaction. Thanks 💖

A/N: There is nothing wrong with waiting, just like there is nothing wrong with not waiting. Your sexual experiences are yours to have whenever you are fully ready for that (or not have them at all, it’s your call), and you have my full permission to throat punch whoever doesn’t respect that.

Word Count: 1.8k

And away, and away we go!

Ashton was usually the type of man to take “no” for an answer. He usually had zero issue brushing off the occasional rejection and going about his life. It wasn’t like it was hard. Sure, it stung in the moment. But in his opinion it was better to have tried and got shut down, then to have never tried at all. That, and usually he never saw the person again, which definitely helped in putting the moment of brief embarrassment behind him.

Then he had met you, and what he would usually do went out the window.

“Hey, can I get you a drink?” a slightly accented voice asked.

“No, thank you,” you said, turning in your chair to look at the stranger. He was tall, and you assumed well-built if the way his jacket strained against his arms and shoulders was anything to go by. His brown hair was perfectly slicked back aside from a few strands that curled stubbornly across his forehead. His golden green eyes drank you in, as his tongue poked out to wet at his lips. Your fingers gripped the underside of your seat to hold yourself steady. “I-I’m good,” you stammered, heat rising to your cheeks.

The man giggled. “Well… alright then. But uh… if you need a new drink later on… come find me, yeah?”

You were sure your ears were turning pink with how warm you were growing under this man’s attention. “I… will keep that in mind, barkeep,” you said as an attempt at flirting.

The man giggled again. “It’s Ashton, actually. And not a barkeep. Or bartender, or whatever. Just a man hoping you’ll let him get you a drink, so he has an excuse to talk to you.”

“Ashton? Hmm. Pretty.”

“Bet it’s not as pretty as yours.”

“Oh, what a line!” you laughed. “You must be quite the charmer, Ashton.”

“Yeah what you didn’t see was me talking to myself in the mirror, working up the nerve to talk to you. But uh… I’ve probably taken up enough of your time now. I’m uh… over there,” he jerked a thumb backwards at a table where a small group was seated, nursing their drinks, and laughing at something someone had said, “if you change your mind about that drink. Anyways…” he drummed his hands against his thighs, “yep… Enjoy your evening.”

It was a brief encounter that Ashton would have shaken off just like anything else. But fate had the two of you running into each other again a few days later.

“Guys,” your friend Sierra introduced, “This is Y/N. Y/N, these are the guys.”

Two of the blondes, and one of the brunettes nodded, muttering hellos and nice to meet yous, while the fourth man stood there with a slight smirk, like he was privy to a joke no one else was in on. When Sierra murmured something about getting drinks, and making the rounds, the group disbanded, leaving just you and the stranger who was less a stranger and more a familiar face. “I knew your name was prettier than mine,” he commented.

“No you didn’t,” you told him.

“Yeah, I did. I said that I bet my name wasn’t as pretty as yours. And I was right. So, how do you know Sierra?”

“College.”

“Oh, that’s very cool.”

“You don’t sound like you believe that,” you chuckled slightly.

“Well… I mean, college wasn’t my thing. But I have a great admiration for those who were able to do it. I’ve heard it’s not easy.”

“Neither is becoming a successful rock band at such a young age.”

Ashton’s cheeks turned pink as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “Heh, thanks. I guess we all pick our hard.”

“That we do.”

“So… Can I get you that drink, now?”

“The kitchen’s right there,” you pointed out.

“Yeah, I know. Strong, independent woman. Capable of getting her own drink. But asking to get you a drink is a lot less scary than asking you out to a drink.”

“Oh, so I scare you?”

“Me? Scared of you? No,” he waved his hand dismissively, scoffing. “You do make me nervous though. And I can’t figure out why.”

“Mmm, let me know when you do, yeah?” And with that, you started to walk off, in search of getting yourself a drink without Ashton’s help.

You’d only taken a few steps, when he fingers wrapped delicately around your wrist. When you turned to look up at him in silent question, astonishment on your face, he immediately let go. “Sorry… But… I’m gonna kick myself if I don’t at least ask. So… would you want to go out for coffee, or something sometime? With me?”

“I-” you started. There was no way to dance around the question now. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to spend more time getting to know Ashton. It was that doing so meant running the risk you ran every time you got close to somebody: losing them because they wouldn’t understand. And with Ashton being your best friend’s boyfriend’s bandmate, that meant that Ashton wouldn’t be someone who faded out of your life when the inevitable happened. The fallout would always linger, tainting everything.

“Don’t date people you don’t know?” Ashton supplied his own answer to your hesitation.

“Something like that. I’m sorry, Ashton.”

He raised his hands in surrender, “Hey, you don’t have to apologize, or explain yourself to me. I just knew that if I didn’t at least try, I’d regret it. No hard feelings. Friends?” He offered you his hand.

“Friends,” you smiled, shaking his hand in yours, and breathing a sigh in relief. Bullet dodged.

~~~

For the next handful of months, that was it. Ashton’s head spun with curiosity of the what ifs with you and him, but he kept those thoughts to himself in favor or respecting your answer. Until one day it slipped without him meaning for it to.

You were laughing so hard it was one of those laughs that was silent, your mouth hanging open, tears forming in the corner of your eyes, doubled over in your chair as you fought for breath. “See?” Ashton giggled more at your reaction than at the joke that had been shared. “If we were dating, it’d be like this all the time. Me making you laugh this hard.”

Your next wheeze ended with a sharp intake of breath. “Oh…” you sighed, straightening up in your chair, the moment of hilarity gone in an instant.

As the cloud of awkward started to wrap around the two of you, Ashton scrambled to fight it off. “I- I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry. Ignore me. That was… Sorry. Actually… I’m not all that sorry. And I know that I should be. I know that I should respect your answer. And I do. I really like that we’ve been able to become friends. But part of me is still wondering, and I can’t seem to let that go. And correct if I’m wrong, but I think it’s because I get the feeling that you didn’t want to tell me no. That part of you wants this too, but won’t give into it for whatever reason. And if I’m wrong, I’m wrong. I’ll shut up, and I promise this will be the last time I bring up something about us being more than friends. I’ll do that, I swear. But… God, I really don’t think I’m wrong here. Am I?”

You shook your head sadly. “No, Ash. You’re not wrong.”

“Then… why? Was it because you didn’t know me before? Are you waiting for me to ask again? Should I ask again? Or do we just pretend I never said anything because I probably sound like the world’s biggest cunt right now?”

“I-” you sighed. “It’s complicated, Ash. Would I like to go out with you? Yes. I would. But you don’t want to go out with me. You think you do. And I’m flattered by that. But, you’re not going to like going out with me. Maybe not right away. But eventually. And I’d rather just avoid that fallout.”

“Why wouldn’t I like going out with you? I like hanging out with you now. It’d be the same thing wouldn’t it?”

“It’d be exactly the same thing.”

He gave a short chuckle of confusion. “I’m not getting what the problem is.”

“I’m a virgin, Ashton.”

“So? There’s more to relationships than just sex.”

“It’s not for lack of interest, Ash. It’s a personal choice. Like… I’m waiting for marriage.”

“Oh. So when you said it’d be exactly like it is now, you meant exactly exactly.”

“Yeah. And before you say that you’re cool with that, let me just say that, yeah, you might mean that. For now. But eventually that’s not going to be the case. Eventually I’m gonna be the prude girlfriend, and you’re going to pretend it doesn’t bother you, even though it does because you’ll see that as a reflection of yourself rather than a choice I made for myself years ago. And those inklings of doubt will turn into resentment, and we’ll implode.”

“I get that that’s happened to you probably just the right amount of times for you to not only expect that outcome, but also refuse to see any other outcome. I’m not saying that it won’t be hard… Wrong word choice… Like, I’m not expecting it to be easy. Nothing worth having ever is. I’m choosing this hard, Y/N. And if you don’t want to choose it with me, then… Well, that just really sucks. But for what it’s worth, we already said what we’d be if we were in a relationship with each other. We’d still be us. Still be this. So, I still don’t fully understand your hesitation to keep doing that. But I don’t need to understand it to respect it. So…” The nerves overtook him then as he drummed his hands against his legs. “I’ll uh… see you around, I guess.” He stood up, tongue clicking in his cheek as he wondered if he should add anything else. “Oh! And please, don’t feel bad like I know you want to. I just need a minute to let this go. See ya, Y/N.”

“Wait!” you called out after he took a few steps.

“Hmm?” he asked, looking at you over his shoulder.

“You promise me it won’t be any different than now? That we can just laugh and have a good time? That a relationship doesn’t have to mean sex?”

“Promise. I want you, Y/N. Not sex.”

“If you’re lying, I will never forgive you.”

“When have I ever lied to you?”

“Never…”

“Exactly. So… Can I kiss you? Or is that off the table, too?”

The glint in his eyes and the slight smirk let you know he was joking, so you didn’t feel too bad for shoving his shoulder. “Kissing is fine, weirdo.”

“The word you’re looking for is actually ‘boyfriend.’”

Tag List

@aquarius-hood1996 @creator-appreciator @philthepegacorn @myfavfanficsever @cxddlyash @youngblood199456 @stormrider505 @tarltongrl96 @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @hoodhoran @metalandboybands

#waiting game #ashton irwin #ashton irwin fic #ashton irwin x reader #5sos #calpal irwin

48 notes · View notes

celestialdr · 4 years

Text

My Script

So I’m posting up my script here if anyone's interested. This is for my main DR in the D:BH Universe.

It’s kinda long.

*WARNING: very self indulgent.*

Intro

My DR is set in the D:BH universe. In Detroit, 2039. I am a young Detective at the DPD.

All events that happened in my play trough of DBH happen in this reality. EG. Markus = Peaceful Revolution. Kara= Her, Alice and Luther all escape to Canada together. Connor = Becomes Deviant.

Hank and Connor become like father and son. Connor moved in with Hank after the events of DBH.

I have been working at the DPD as a detective for about a year now, I was very excited to be working alongside my dear friend Trey Greene (OC), who actually ended up being my partner. We do almost every investigation together.

During my time at the DPD I have become fast friends with Hank and Chris. Gavin is okay, we joke and banter but I wouldn’t say we are buds. I disliked his attitude towards Hank and his dislike of androids. But if he changes, who knows, maybe we can be friends. Idk.

I always supported android rights, even before there where deviants. I always treated androids with kindness and compassion.

I first met Connor on the 6th of November 2038, back before he was deviant. I was always kind to him and had a fondness for him. When Connor first saw me he stopped for a minute in a miniature awe, the stereotypical love at first sight motif. Although he did not know it at the time - him not being deviant yet. A software instability entered his program upon seeing me. In fact, anytime we made eye contact or talked he got a software instability. It baffled him.

The first time he saw me after deviating he was hit with butterflies, it didn’t take too long to realize what it was, he had a huge crush on me. He kept it to himself but Hank knew immediately.

It is now January the 8th 2039, Connor and I have become quite good friends but his feelings for me only continue to grow. We've only known each other for 2- 3 months but Connor is falling in love fast and now he's decided to finally pluck up the courage and admit his feelings to me and ask me out. How will he do this? I don’t know yet.

______

World

After the events of DBH, Androids start getting rights, relatively quickly.

Laws are implemented to protect androids. Androids are free. They can own property, get paid for working and all of the things Markus was advocating for.

As time goes on Androids fully integrate into our society and we mostly live in peace. Hate crime of any kind is rare.

Android politicians start to pop up. Android Pride day exists. Androids can marry each other and humans. Android/Human relationships are normalised. Androids can adopt. Etc.

_______

Shifting

1 hour - 1 day

. While I am in my DR my clone is sleeping in my CR.

. I have a Healthy attachment to my DR and I recognise the importance of my CR.

. I remember everything from both realities vividly while I'm in the other unless I script otherwise.

· I can fully trust my clone. My clone acts identical to me.

· When I shift back to my current reality time stops in my DR. The next time I go to my DR everything continues where I left off.

· I can use the LIFA app in my DR to see what my clone is doing in CR.

· I only shift back to my CR when I want to, I can’t go back on accident.

· My safe phrase for coming back to my CR is “I want to go back to my Current Reality.” or even as simply as I make it my intention, then I can go back.

· Nothing traumatic happens to me in my DR.

· When I come back to my CR, I will remember everything that happened in my DR.

· When I shift, I wake up in my DR bedroom.

· When I am shifted I smell cinnamon and my eyes automatically open.

· I cannot die or get very hurt in my DR.

. I am able to fully Integrate Into my DR self’s life. e.g. Rembering my DR self’s past, feeling comfortable and normal talking to and interacting with people in my DR selfs life. Having all the skills and knowledge my DR self has.

. No one from my CR or other realities can enter my DR without my permission.

.My guardian Angel or one of my angels or guides from my DR has decided to help me shift. Whenever I try to shift in this reality the Angel assits me and pulls my CR self into My DR.

_______

About Me

I have the same name, b-day etc but I am 25 Years old.

Childhood and teen years, pretty similar to CR.

Everything is pretty much the same except added skills talents or whatever else I script.

Physical

· I Look like myself but 10x prettier.

· I have my dream body, which always stays perfect and in shape. Similar to my body type only toned and fitter.

· I have perfect, white straight teeth.

. I always have good breath.

· I always smell great - My sweat doesn’t smell.

· Low, silent gas that doesn’t smell.

· I usually smell like ‘Soap and Glory’ products.

· I have Beautiful hair that is easily maintained. My hair is also a slightly lighter blonde.

· I have my Ideal, natural eyebrows.

· I have soft, clear skin and I am slightly tanner than in my CR.

· I am beautiful from all angles.

· I have long eyelashes.

· I have a straight, cute nose.

· I always have good hygiene.

· I never gain weight when I don’t want to, my body is always slim and never bloated.

· If I ever get pregnant, after having my baby, my body goes quickly back to the way it looked before.

· I don’t have to shave too often.

· If I ever decide have a baby, my pregnancy will be safe and my child will be safe. It will be born happy and healthy.

· I have perfect senses.

· I can be fully functional with little sleep.

· I have good stamina and am physically fit.

· I still have my accent.

· I have a naturally beautiful face with and without make up.

· My make-up sits perfectly on my face and stays all day until I take it off.

· My make-up never runs.

· I always have nicely manicured nails.

· I always look well groomed.

Health

· I have high pain tolerance.

· My period only lasts two days and doesn’t hurt too bad.

· I can only get pregnant if actually wanting too.

· I am always safe.

· I am divinely protected at all times.

· I am well rested and perfectly healthy.

· I can think clearly.

· I have good mental health - maybe went through similar mental health issues when I was younger but now am perfectly healthy and able to cope.

· I do not scar.

· I heal fast.

· 𝖨 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 ��𝗈𝗍 𝖻𝖾 too overly 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖽 to my DR and I will not get any trauma.

· I eat healthy, and enjoy healthy foods.

· I drink plenty of water

· I have balanced chakras, Good intuition and I radiate love and light.

· I can easily communicate with angels.

Skills

· I am a skilled detective. I know exactly what to do and I have all required skills.

· I am an excellent shot.

· I have excellent fighting and self-defence skills.

· I have high intelligence.

· I'm never badly hurt in the line of duty. Extremely lucky (like domino in dp2.) If I ever get hurt in DR its only minor. No one is suspicious about it.

· I'm a good writer.

· My art skills are always better in my DR than in CR.

· I have a good memory and deduction skills. Good reasoning skills.

· I am socially confident and charismatic.

· I am an excellent speaker.

· I am good at reading people.

· I give good advice.

· I am a good friend.

· I am a great kisser and fantastic in bed.

· I am hard working and have lots of patience.

· I'm a great singer and can play piano, guitar.

· I know French and Irish.

· I know how to drive.

· I'm really good at make-up.

· I'm really funny.

· People easily trust me.

Life

· I have all knowledge my CR self has.

· I had a relatively easy life.

· I come from a wealthy family.

· I am always full of motivation and energy.

· I have an amazing closet full of clothes, including both new clothes and my CR self's clothes.

· I have all of my current realities belongings. (Well, the stuff that I want with me.)

· I have a ton of art supplies.

· I live in my own house which I can afford with ease.

· I have a cute golden retriever called Bailey who is okay alone in the house while I'm at work.

· Bailey is a year old and is fully trained.

· I have a nice car that is self-driving.

· I have a good phone with the LIFA app

· I get to travel to cool places on holidays/vacation.

· While I'm in my DR I don’t confuse my CR's past with my DR's.

· All my fave shows, music, movies are also in my DR.

· I have lots of friends and make friends easily.

· I remember my past in the DR and can reference it with ease.

· I never have to kill as a detective, I can always disarm or find another solution.

· I won't get fired from my job.

· I'm good at my job and I know how to do my job well.

· Trey is my partner and our desks are beside each other.

· I'm also friends with Chris and Hank.

· My friends are always there for me. My friends care about me.

· Money comes to me easily and effortlessly.

· I am a really great at manifesting what I want in my DR.

· People I don’t want to, won’t die or get very hurt.

· People from my DR never notice if I'm not there because when I’m not there, my clone takes my place. (Although I probably won't use my clone too often because I plan to pick up where I left off most of the time.)

· I know all passcodes and important numbers of my DR self's life. E.g. Passwords, phone numbers, etc.

·I have a Spotify/ (or whatever the equivalent to it is in this reality) filled with music that I like. Maybe some of the playlists that I have in CR.

· I'm quick at picking up skills.

· If I ever decide to change career in my DR, I can do so with ease and get whatever job I want.

· I have nice, tidy handwriting.

Family

I come from a wealthy family. We moved from N.I. to America - Detroit in 2025. (Moved Because dad was offered a great job.) *family all have our green cards.*

Family is friends with Carl Manfred.

A very loving, healthy and supportive family.

* In my actual script I go into more detail about my family. but i’ll give you a brief rundown. I chose to shift to a reality with a different family from my CR family because I thought if I had a different family and friends it will give me more of a reason to come back to my CR. So I can have balance? idk...*

My DR dads name is Patrick, DR mums name is Mary and my DR brothers name is Lucas.

Family support and are okay with my relationship with Connor because they recognise androids as living beings.

Last but Not least! Bailey!

Bailey is my one year old Golden retriever. She is very well trained and is an absolute angel. She also really loves Connor.

House

I live in a 1 bedroom, 1 bath house with Bailey. *In my actual script I stuck in a bunch of pictures of a house I built in the sims 4.*

Friends

So, I'm not going to go through all the friends I scripted on here but I’ll tell you about my best friend from my DR. My partner from work, Trey Greene. He’s 27, a leo (like me) and gay. (I honestly made my entire friend group LGBTQ+ LOL)

I may have also scripted that jenna marbles is there and shes my friend lol.

Connor

*Okay now to the real reason I'm shifting, the love of my life.*

Connor falls in love with me the moment he sees me. Although he may not understand what it is at first because he hasn’t deviated yet. When he fully deviates he realises his feelings. He's a little shy about it at first but eventually asks me out. We date and fall in love and end up in a loving healthy relationship. We respect each other's boundaries and are completely in love. Like stereotypical soulmates.

Connor is very romantic and affectionate. Literally like a prince charming.

When we get together we are in a healthy relationship and both of us are completely faithful. I can trust Connor fully because I know he is trust worthy and always has my best intentions at heart.

. We have similar love languages.

. Connor is super-duper romantic and calls me sweet names like "My love."

. Much Like me in this DR, Connor is completely protected and safe with extremely good luck.

After the events of DBH and Connor is deviant. Amanda and cyberlife no longer have any control over him.

NSFW warning - Skip to Lifa if your not comfy.

Connor's model was created fully equipped with regular male genitalia (which is about 7 inches.)

He is very vocal in bed and is great at dirty talk. He can do loving romantic sex and also kinky rough sex too.

Lifa

Lifa is an app on my smart phone that only I have access to. Others don’t notice it. (like hidden in plain sight.)

It can only be noticed by others if I decide I want to show it to someone.

Lifa allows me to script while in my WR. It also allows me to see myself in CR.

Lifa updates me when its nearly time for me to wake up or reminds me when. As if it's like a timer.

Lifa doesn’t require internet. It has maps on it. I can look at my money and add to my money if I so wish. (if I add money it doesn’t ruin the economy.) idk magic lol

I can also access in online on a computer or tablet or any device that carries the internet.

No one else can use it unless I specifically allow it.

I will be alerted by this app if my clone wakes up.

I always have my phone near me. I can never lose it. Its also always fully charged.

If I get a new phone. Lifa automatically downloads on it and deletes off the old phone.

MISC.

· When androids deviate they are able to feel pleasure, touch, etc.

· Androids actually do have souls and are actually a new life form.

· After revolution CyberLife starts to create things for androids like upgrades. E.G. Taste, ability to do almost everything humans can.

· Most people are environmentally conscious.

· The earth is healing and people are taking better care of the planet. A lot more environmentally conscious options.

· The ocean, air, atmosphere and earth are all 70% cleaner than in CR.

· Racism, homophobia, sexism are quite rare. Ultimately society frowns upon such things.

· Humans and Androids live in peace

· Shortly after the revolution, Kamski got repointed as CEO of Cyberlife. Cyberlife now focusing on the needs of Androids and helping them adjust into the world.

· Youtube still exists and is relevant.

· Bagel Bean and Boojum exist in Detroit and aren't too far from my home. (These are food places back at where I'm from that are bomb.)

· No crisis with bees.

. The Police and justice system are reformed.

· No threats of ww3.

· I don’t live too far from work.

· All the videogames I like still exist, (except for dbh obvs.)

· We can buy Cadburys and Pujana tea in America. (Things I like in the UK.)

• Food in US is similar to food in UK. e.g. same food laws and food that is actual tasty / healthy. LOL

(sorry, I've been to America and the food there tastes weird, man.)

Future

Now that the androids have rights, Cyberlife has to free all active Androids. Eventually they get around to RK900. Cyberlife only created one RK900 as a prototype before the revolution.

The RK900 goes by the name Nines. He ends up working in the DPD. (Months later.) It takes a while for Nines to deviate but he eventually does. Nines is rather stoic but he is nice. Him and Connor have a brotherly bond. Nines becomes friends with me, Connor, Hank and Trey. (Part of our little found family.)

In the future, when Connor and I are both ready we get married and have kids (either through adoption or sperm donation or maybe they find a way for androids to have kids in the future, idk?)

In the future me and Connor buy our dream house together.

So, Yeah that's what I've scripted so far. I keep one script on my PC and one in a notebook under my bed.

Feel free to use any ideas or concepts from my script

#shiftblr #reality shifting

46 notes · View notes

taytayize123 · 3 years

Text

How one night can change your whole life ✨

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING FOR MGK. So please I ask you fans and mutuals who love him to be kind. I hope you like it. 🙊💞

It had been a fucking shit year and a half for me given, going through health issues, doctors and nurses that truly didn’t give a shit about how you felt about treatment where they’d just throw endless amounts of pills at you when you clearly tell them that you’ve done your research and other people have achieved remission through eating healthy, working out, and keeping anxiety low yet of course they don’t actually care how you feel. You are just there for them to get a buck out of you and keep the chain going. That whole experience had put me into two depressive meltdowns and to seek professional help by gaining a therapist. When I started therapy I began to realize how much resentment I held in about family members and past friends who’ve treated me like shit and i’m done being walked all over. A strained relationship with my mother. A barely existing relationship with my sister. The only person who seems to take interest in hearing me without having overly dramatic reactions is my dad yet, having a sit down conversation with him is hard so often I got left on my own. My solace in life is music and lately it had been one man that I kept going back to when I was feeling defenseless, stressed, not good enough etc. That was Machine Gun Kelly aka Colson Baker I had really taken a liking to Hotel Diablo about a year ago, something about him had intrigued me so much that I needed to hear every song and lyric. While I may have not struggled with poverty or coming from a broken home as he did, I related to his inability to express emotions the way he needed to be okay in life so he then found an outlet to channel all that rage, anger, sadness, sacredness etc into something that was not only powerful but got him out of that life of struggle, yet it also created new issues for him like finding out who his real friends are in life. Anyways, when he rapped or sang it made me say to myself; “Peyton you are gonna be okay.” an actually believing that for the first time in awhile.

While, vibing hard to Kells listening to every album as well as learning all the lyrics by heart. Started to develop favorites of his, my attitude started changing as I dove deeper into his music and overall personality. I began to appreciate how he simply didn’t care if he pissed off people as he was being his true self in the process I began to have the confidence in myself to put up or shut up and really stop letting those around me walk all over me and tell them no when they ask me to do something for them knowing they aren’t ever gonna return the favor or assuming I should do something for them just cause I’m family that’s bullshit. Within, this new feeling that i was experience maybe a little good karma came my way because I had gotten a ticket to his latest tour. It was fate or destiny I swear to god because he sold out in my town in ten minutes flat. It felt like I was rewarding myself for really working on my self but also the angels above putting something positive in my life for the first time in a long time and I was so thankful!

The day was here, October 13th came fast and I was so excited that I was getting this opportunity to see him live and I am stoked. Now, given that my mother asked me to use my car that day, I ended up telling her she could take it but to drop me off early at the venue and I would just chill all day before the concert. It wasn’t an issue, the venue had a hotel on the premise as well as a restaurant, bar, cute outdoor beer gardens and wooden areas to explore. I had chosen to go to the bar and order some lunch and sit up at the bar and read for awhile.

“Hi, yes could I order the cheese burger with tots please.” I ask nicely to the bartender. She pressed the buttons on the order device and smiled back at me. “Of course. Your order should be up in a minute hun.” she said in a pleasant tone and walked off. I had put my purse up on the counter and dug out my book which happened to be a book about Jimi Hendrix and his life. I’ve always been drawn to musical types I guess, my want for caring for those who struggle and need support somehow has always been attached to people I find interesting. “Here you go love,” the bartender places down my order and my drink as I thank her nicely and turn my page popping a tot into my mouth getting lost in the words yet it stops when I hear

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

I don’t even look up from my book, and nod happily. As I pick up my drink to take a sip I look up and see him. Machine Gun Kelly sitting next to me. My heart started beating a thousand times a minute but my brain tells my body to PLAY IT COOL. As I smile at him he smiles back, Hi. I’m Colson, what’s your name? and what are you reading?” he asks me peeking at my book. “It’s a book about Jimi Hendrix. I am really big into music and just find people who do something in the music field interesting plus he was one of the best guitarists in the world. I’m Peyton nice to meet you.” I say, slowly swallowing still trying to keep my voice even yet on the inside I was FREAKING OUT rightfully so I think. He grins at me as his order arrives, “Yeah, he was an inspiration to me to start playing guitar.” he says picking up his burger and taking a bit. He puts it back down. Noticing a bit of ketchup on his chin I let out a little giggle as I hand him a napkin. He lets out a boastful laugh, “Oh thanks hun, damn where are my manners eating like a savage in front of a pretty girl like yourself.” I look down at the floor. “Nah, I’m not pretty I’m sure you’ve met prettier girls than me.” I say, my happy upbeat tone dropping to one of unsure and self doubt. Still looking at the floor, as I feel fingertips on my chin. He brings my face up to look at his. “Peyton, you are pretty, even beautiful there’s something so real and authentic in your eyes and that is true beauty.” he spoke with such a low but meaningful expression. Staring into those kind blue eyes of his as he is looking back at mine an explosion of a unnameable feeling is spread throughout my whole body. I let out a shy giggle even letting out a short snort, which I snapped back to reality I groaned putting my face in my hands. Colson lets out another sweet chuckle, as he pulls my hands away from my face now holding them in his. “Stop it Peyton, that what you just did was adorable. I have to ask you, will you come back to our backstage area so we can keep talking. There is this pull to you and I can’t figure it out but I need to know more about you. Please.” He spoke with such a gentle tone as his eyes pleaded with mine looking for any hint of a positive answer. I smiled, “Of course, I’ll go with you Colson. Let me pay and we can go.” I said, fishing in my purse for my wallet as I took it out. He already handled the bartender his black amex card and she had cleared the purchase. I stand up in my wedged heels bringing my short 5′3 ass to maybe 5′6, still only coming up to his mid chest looking up at him. “Colson you didn’t have to do that.” I whined, once again Colson cracks another grin looking down at me. “You’re just so adorable. Good thing I don’t mind a bit of whining you’ll learn when to or not.” he smirks at me as he cracks a dirty joke making me laugh again. We turn to leave the restaurant, his hand intertwined with mine. His hands are strong, calloused; years of playing guitar and holding a microphone for hours on end. Fingers wrapping into mine. His other hand firmly placed on the small of my back guiding me which way to go. I thought to myself, as I walked with him; “Whatever will be tonight will be and live life to the fullest.” as the lyrics from his song 27 floored my brain.

“ Yeah, forever young, though, haha Always be those crazy kids running wide-eyed down the boulevard, huh 27.” 💞

#mgk fic #my first time writing him so please be kind! 🙈#I can’t believe I am posting this but I can’t get this story out of my head 🙈💕

7 notes · View notes

cassahina · 3 years

Note

Hi ? If it’s possible can i get a danganronpa matchup ? I use she/her pronouns and want to be paired up w a male character and a female but if you can’t or that the addition will shorten drastically your hdcs pls ignore my second demand, i do not have a preference for wich game ! As i like to write spontaneously i may be messy in my description i hope you won’t mind too much.

So maybe because of my height (173cm) and my natural mean resting face hehe i may come as intimidating and cold at first sight but i am more likely than not just in the clouds thinking about my next meal or a way to revolution the world. Can be described as independent, honest, smart, creative, playful, or chaotic iam your dear ENTP and my ennea is 8w7. I would really like to be able to express myself freely besides my partner as i like to aboard things from different perspective making me able to learn new things also i may ignore social norms to my convenience. Ambiverted, i do not mind approaching people but can be difficult to get rlly close to cause of trust issues and so i don’t have many friends but tons of « comrades » ? Also despite not being your usual organized perfectionist i can be quite hard on myself when i am focus/interested in something.

Talking about interest i like history, philosophy, languages, travels, psychology and lot more. My hobbies consist of drawing, writing, listening to music, reading, gaming and cooking when i feel to it’s a form of art for me like drawing and make up even if i am far from being an expert but i do not take slander 🙄 Also i am quite interested in all sorts of games w no consideration of their natures and mysteries. I take care of my physical condition besides all that to be able to kick some asses and defend myself when i need to and accentuate my independent energy /j I like spicy food of just food in general, am interested in justice and geography what can i add to top it all ? What i am like as a lover ?

i don’t like to be seen as vulnerable so i hide most of the emotions that i consider weak and just ignore them so when i do have romantic feelings for someone i get mixed emotions and don’t know how to act. Not adding the fact that i get embarrassed easily even if it i don’t show it so i can get emotionally clumsy and accidentally flirt or manage to hold myself and be my usual self or friendlier. It’s always 50/50 and i hate it. But i guess i cover for my weird self by giving my time, energy, fidelity, reliability and weird affection who consist of touch starved hugs and treats to restaurants or my own cooking. Also i absolutely can’t admit it but do try to look prettier but still rock my grunge/alt style ugh it’s so embarrassing. I guess that’s all i had to say thank you for doing this.

Hey hey hey, sure thing! I’ll happily match you up, and sorry it took so long, school recently restarted for me so that kept me a bit busy. I hope you enjoy this though.

I match you with….

Shuichi Saihara and Ibuki Mioda!

I chose a Shuichi because I think your politeness and interests in more academic fields would help you get along pretty well. You mentioned how you mentioned how you like psychology, philosophy, history and etc., which all can actually be very important for detectives to understand so they can understand criminals and their reasoning better, so I would assume Shuichi would be able to discuss the topics with you. He is also decently smart anyways and polite, so he wouldn’t mind listening to your opinions about the subjects anyways. He definitely fits your interest in justice. You also mentioned that you are an ambient, which would fit well with him as he is more introverted, but more than willing to spend time with friends and help others out. He also has this way of being someone everyone trusts, which could be useful seeing as you mentioned you had trust issues. Being a detective makes him more perceptive then others, and it would allow him to also see when you are hiding your emotions and comfort you as well, he would just be a chill partner who could help you out and have fun discussing similar interests.

I chose Ibuki because she is very affectionate and chaotic. I feel like she fits the more chaotic side you briefly mentioned while describing yourself. She would totally be down to listen to music and play games with you, just wanting to have a fun time and see you smile. She fits for how you want to express yourself freely to your partner, as well as how she wouldn’t mind adding her own ideas to give you a different perspective like you mentioned. You would both share an interest in the arts, which is fun. She would also totally be down for your accidental flirting. More over, Ibuki is actually pretty wise herself when she gets serious, and she would also be serious if she ever noticed you were hiding your emotions and would comfort you just like Shuichi. She may be goofy, but she is also very considerate and loving, and that’s always nice. Also, your styles would be epic together.

#cassierole the ultimate writing prodigy #request 0w0 #matchups #danganronpa #danganronpa matchups #shuichi saihara #ibuki mioda

4 notes · View notes

d3caybab3 · 4 years

Text

Beautiful A Tenya Iida x Chubby Insecure Fem!Reader

A/N// This is my first fic on here! Now this is 100% to cope with my own body image issues, but also I want to be there for anyone else who feels like me. There's 1, not enough Tenya fics out there, and 2, so many fics describe the reader as slim and I want to be more inclusive. I hope you like it!

Summary: You’re spending time with your beloved boyfriend Tenya, you start to unload and vent all of your insecurities onto him. He tells you he loves your body in an..interesting way.

･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Warnings: NSFW, smut, virginity taking, body worship, oral, vaginal sex, creampie, fingering, self body shaming, swearing.

You were stressed to say the least, for more reason’s than one. You had a big test coming up that you were NOT prepared for. The other reason however was more of a personal problem. Your boyfriend Tenya Iida, was the smartest, sexiest guy you’ve ever laid eyes on. Unfortunately, he was in a different class than you, 3-A. His class was full of beautiful girls with perfect bodies. Of all the girls he could have, he chose you, and it still baffles your mind. In your eyes, your face was painfully average, but that wasn’t your biggest issue. Your body was.

The way the UA uniform hugged your body in all the wrong places, how it displayed all the rolls, and how your thighs spilled over your stockings. All of it made you want to cry. You’ve told Iida about your self hatred before. Since then he's reminded you almost daily about how beautiful he thought you were, sadly, it never really worked. It may have made you feel pretty for a few minutes. Still, you never felt beautiful.

It was approximately 2 days until the big test you were severely unprepared for, which has only been adding onto your crippling stress. Then you remembered your boyfriend loves studying and he’d be willing to help. Considering it was 8:30, everyone should be in their dorms, so the risk of you getting caught. You were in class 3-D so the walk between dorms would be about five minutes. You slip on a pair of flip flops and try your best to quietly sneak out.

The brisk night air hit your legs, as you were wearing too-short pyjama shorts and an over-sized hoodie that happened to be Iida’s. The walk over to the 3-A dorms was short. When you arrived Mina, Momo, and Uraraka were in the lobby talking about lord knows what. You smiled to yourself and you knocked, a moment later Mina came over and opened up the door, greeting you with big smile. “Hey (Y/N)! Here to see your boy toy?”, she asks, wiggling her eyebrows. “Of course I am, why else would I be here?", they all chuckled a bit at what you said.

You stayed in the lobby for a bit just catching up with the girls. Since you started dating Iida, you knew everyone in his class, and became acquainted with most of them. You said your goodbye’s to the girls, making your way to the boys’ wing. When you got to Tenya’s dorm you knocked on his door a few times, hoping he wasn’t already sleeping. Thankfully, he answered but he didn’t look amused.

“(Y/N), what are you doing here past curfew!! You know it's against the rules,” Iida exclaimed, doing his signature hand motion. “I’m stressed about a test I have coming up..plus I missed you Tenya..” You sighed and give him a hug, your face landing in his big chest, as he’s much bigger than you. Tenya hesitantly hugs you back, his hands landing at your soft love handles. You smile up at him, feeling him already loosen up. No matter how much he denied it, you made him less authoritarian and more calm.

“Please Ten, help me study?”, you give him big eyes that he can’t help but smile at. “Fine,” he playfully rolled his eyes at you, letting you into his dorm. You pull up another chair at his desk, sitting so close to him that your legs touch.

“So what’s the test over? You know I have flashcards and notes for everything, Princess,” he smiles, pulling out binders and organized index cards. “It’s over geology,” you groan, your head falling into your arms. Iida noticing your stress immediately embraced you. “Studying while over-whelmed won’t get you anywhere princess..if you needed come see me you could have said so..” Iida rubs your back slowly to relax you. You already started to feel better, as you swore his touch could fix anything.

You looked up at him after a moment, his cobalt eyes staring deep into your (e/c) one's. Tenya's large hand ran down the side of your face, his finger running by your jaw and under your chin. He tilted your head up to get a better look at you, “God I'll never get over how beautiful you are,” the tone in his voice somehow sent off a signal in your brain, telling you this wasn't about studying anymore.

Iida leaned down to meet your face, his lips barely hovering over yours. He gave you a look asking for consent, instead of nodding you leaned in and kissed him first. The kiss didn't stay at a simple peck, his hands snaked down to your hips, as your hands found his hair. The kiss was nothing but pure, raw, passion. Before you could even think about it, Tenya's had lifted you up onto his lap, feeling the growing bulge in his pants.

You and Iida had been together for 6 months and you haven't gone past a make out. Because of your insecurities, you were too scared to get intimate, even with him. The thought terrified you, someone seeing you naked. Them turning away after seeing your stretch marks and rolls. The paranoia was too much, thus you just never risking it.

Tonight, however, you could tell was different. Tenya gently slid his tongue into your mouth, his grip on your hips growing tighter, sure to leave bruises there the next morning. His lips found their way down your jaw and onto your neck, causing a soft whine to escape your lips. Before you could even think about being too heavy for him, he stood up, and your first instinct was to wrap your legs around his waist.

Your hands in his hair balled up in a fist and he gently pushed you onto his bed. You beneath his large frame. Tenya pulled away to look at you, his face red and his glasses falling down the bridge of his nose. “Princess, if you don't mind I want to go all the way with you tonight,” he said bluntly. “Tenya..I-i don't want you to leave me once you see-”, you looked down at yourself. Seeing your thighs pooling on the bed, or how you could see the print of your stomach in your tight cotton shorts.

“Princess you know how I feel about you saying those things about yourself..” his eyes stared deep into yours, you could tell how upset he was. “But I'm scared..” you could feel the tears welling in your eyes. “Scared about what love?”, he asks, you could hear the sorrow in his voice. He hated when you talked down about yourself, it made Iida want to cry.

“Tenya, I'm scared that once you see what I look like under these clothes that..that you'll leave me for someone prettier, someone slimmer, someone who doesn't look like me..”, The tears began rolling down your face, with each word you spoke you could see Iida's heart break more. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to compose himself.

“Princess..(Y/N), I've said it once and I'll say it again, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, I WANT to see you happy, I want to make you feel good, I never want to leave you.. you're everything I want and more..I love you, and your beautiful body so much,” The words he spoke nearly made you cry more, his hands cupped your face as he left a soft kiss on your lips. Tenya pulled away, to look at you deeply with his cerulean eyes.

You smiled at the way he looked at you, his eyes full of love and adoration. You grabbed his hair and pulled his head down back into the kiss, his tongue finding itself back into your mouth to explore. His hands running up and down your sides. The simple gesture sparked something within you, that you never felt before. You thought for a second and came to the conclusion it had to be lust.

You pulled from the kiss to look at him, “Is something wrong princess?”

“No, it's perfect.. everything is perfect,” you smiled up at him, your legs finding his waist once more.

“Well that's good I want you comfor-” , you cut him off.

“Tenya?”

“Yes princess?”, he asked, slightly scared because you interrupted him.

“I want you tonight, all of you..please,” You were almost desperate, as you felt wetness pool between your legs. “Of course princess..”, a smirk washed across Iida's face as he slowly kissed down your neck, leaving faint marks on your supple skin.

You mewled at the sensation, grinding up on his bulge to gain friction. Iida simply groaned in response, tugging at the bottom of your sweatshirt, as a way of asking to remove it. You nodded desperately in response, just wanting him to fill you already.

You felt goosebumps on your stomach and chest as the fabric was removed. “God you're so much more beautiful than I imagined princess..”, he practically groaned at the sight. You weren't a perfect hourglass shape, and it only turned Iida on more.

A blush washed across your face as he started kissing your breasts. Leaving hickies on the fleshy mounds. Iida unclasped your bra, biting his lip at the sight of you sprawled out for him. He lowered his head and began sucking and toying with your nipples, giving them equal amounts of attention.

Tenya pulled away from your breasts, making his way down your soft stomach to between your legs. Making sure to leave marks on your thighs and stomach. He pressed his thumb onto your clit through your panties, smirking at how your winced. “Oh princess.. you're absolutely drenched and I barely touched you,” Iida placed his hands on the band of your black lace, not hesitating to rip them off you, literally.

“Tenya! Why would you do that!” you pouted, as those were a good pair. “I'll buy you new ones..” he muttered, licking his lips at the sight of your dripping cunt squeezing around nothing. “God princess..you made me wait for this..I wonder how good you'll taste,” Iida licked up your slit, making you push against his face, his glasses now on his forehead.

Tenya began to lap at your puffy clit, occasionally sucking it. His fingers were dancing at your entrance, waiting for the right moment to push one in. “Ugh Tenya please!!” you whined, balling his midnight hair into your fists. You didn't have to tell him twice, you felt one of his meaty fingers enter your tight pussy. He moaned at the way you clenched around his digit, he started to thrust his finger at the same pace he was licking your bundle of nerves.

Soon you felt a second finger inside you, the knot in your stomach growing tighter by the second. Tenya's fingers went faster inside you, finding their way to that special spot. Completely driving you over the edge. “Tenya!”, you screamed loud enough for everyone to hear, your grip on his hair impossible. Your orgasm making your clit quiver in his mouth, he continued slowly licking it through your orgasm.

Iida pulled away, his face red and his glasses fogged. “You did so good princess, I can't wait to fuck you,” he pulled off his shirt and you couldn't help but whimper at his large, muscular build over you. “Like what you see princess?”, he laughed lowly as he placed a kiss on your lips, tasting yourself in the process.

“Mm yes.. you're so handsome Tenya..”, you sat up to caress his gorgeous body. There's no denying he looks like he was sculpted by the Gods. Your hands ran up and down his large biceps, as well as his perfectly toned abs. You could see you touching him was only making him more needy, the bulge in his pants was loud and proud.

Before you had the chance to pull away yourself, Iida had shoved you back down onto the bed his sweats down at his ankles. “Don't test me princess..I may not be so gentle next time,” he growled, his kiss rough and dominating. You had reached down to pull off his boxers, your eyes widening at his length.

Your body ached at the sight, as you had a feeling you'd be limping tomorrow. Iida was a big guy, height and muscle wise, so you didn't know what you were expecting but it wasn't that. His cock was long, very thick, and slightly curved upwards.

“Tenya I-” your mouth was agape, to say you weren't a bit scared would have been a lie. “Is there an issue princess? We can stop if you want,” classic Iida, always so considerate. “No no Ten.. you're just big, very, very big,” you gulped at the sight of his member once more. “Oh, well I hope that's not a problem,” he grinned, his tip teasing your entrance. ”N-no..” you whined, wanting to be filled already.

“Well princess..if anything hurts or I'm too rough please do not hesitate to tell me," you nodded quickly in response, having enough of the talk. Seconds later you felt his cock pressing into your tight walls, hissing at how it hurt so good.

Iida continued pushing in at an agonizingly slow pace, taking every nerve in his body to not just rail you. “Fuck.. you're so tight..is everything about you just perfect?” he muttered, finally his tip pressing up against your womb. He then slowly pulled out, then quicky pushed back in, his head hitting the spongy spot inside you.

Your eyes widened in shock, moaning in pure bliss. Iida continued thrusting in and out of you, his tip hitting that spot nearly every time. It made your toes curl and tears come to your eyes because it felt so good. “Shit.. Tenya please do not stop,” you pushed down against his length, making him go deeper, which felt impossible.

Iida wasn't particularly vocal, as he wanted to hear your sweet cries. But every now and then he'd grunt, or groan. “God you're so good baby, I don't think I'll be able to get enough of your sweet cunt after this,” his thrusts started to become less rhythmic, and he began to speed up.

It took everything for him to not cum on the spot, but he wanted you to orgasm before him. You were a mess, you were shaking under him as your core got that familiar tightness once more. “Mm Tenya keep going I'm so close!”, your nails were digging into his back, leaving scratches, and crescent shaped marks behind.

Iida's hang moved between you two, his palm rubbing your oversensitive clit. Which made you see stars, moaning his name, which made him only go faster. He hit the spot in you once more before your orgasm hit you like a bus. The overwhelming pleasure made your thoughts cloudy as you were moaning nonsensical things.

Iida continued to thrust into you slowly through your orgasm, your walls clenching around him, making him paint your insides white. “God-..nngh Princess you're so good..so good.. you're mine understand? No one gets to make you feel this good besides me," his breath was heavy, as he pushed his seed into you.

Tenya caught his breath before collapsing at your side, both you and him sweating. “Princess you're beautiful okay? Don't forget that..” he kissed you softly, embracing you in his arms. You simply nodded, as you were not too far away from passing out.

For the first time in a long time you truly felt beautiful and comfortable in your own skin, this was only a small step but hopefully many more nights like this will happen. You fell asleep in Iida's arms with a content smile, so thankful you met him.

#anime #my hero academy fanfiction #my hero imagines #my hero fanfic #my hero academia #tenya lida #my hero academia iida #mha iida #iida tenya #iida smut #iida fanfiction #boku no hero imagines #boku no hero au

83 notes · View notes

holyhikari · 4 years

Text

Okay. Okay. It’s 2020, most of the world is shut down and the first episode of Digimon Adventure aired yesterday, missing a ‘Butter-Fly’ and with a colon to spare. Life sure is something.

Gotta say I’m relieved. (For now, at least.) Sure, yeah, I got into the hype train for the reboot from the get-go and determined to just have fun, but. If I can picture all the ways something can go wrong — go BORING — down to excruciating details right from the first episode, why not? That’s what brains are for. So that’s what I did.

Should have saved all that energy.

I want to share with all of you my thoughts on this episode, break it down a little bit; how it made me feel, the few character introductions we got, the pace, the plot and its possibilities.

As much as I want to approach this series keeping the idea of authenticity in mind, it is a reboot. They chose a certain set of (popular!) pre-existent characters to explore, to work with; a balance between creating and adapting. And I’m very interested in seeing how they’ll combine the core elements of Digimon Adventure with all there is unique to this generation of kids, teens and, you know it, adults who stuck around.

Since all we’ve got is the introduction to the series, I’ll be contrasting TOKYO DIGITAL CRISIS to how the original Adventure kicked off back in 1999 with ADRIFT? THE ISLAND OF ADVENTURE!

I did try to keep this as coherent and review-like as possible, but there’s a fair amount of fan-girling and it’s all seen through my very biased Adventure-stan-colored lens. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

‘99 starts with an image of our planet, and ‘20 starts almost the same. This time, though, we can see we aren’t alone. ‘The Digital World affecting the Earth’ is something that happens, I believe, in every Digimon reincarnation. In ‘99, it’s deeply affecting our climate. Now, the issue doesn’t seem so drastic that it’s able to reach influence organic matter and mess up many Nature’s cycles across the globe, but it’s still not looking so good for our kids. (It’s the first episode and Hikari and Yuuko almost get train-sandwiched, but I suppose that almost having your head chopped off, courtesy of Kuwagamon, isn’t lovely either.)

Anyway.

I think this Digital World/Network shot isn’t actually part of the episode? I think it’s part of the opening (I mean, not the OP sequence with the song, obviously), and that we’ll be seeing it before each episode starts. Still, it’s an interesting juxtaposition, isn’t it?

A Glorious World is upon us! I wasn’t actually expecting Butter-Fly or anything similar to it, don’t worry. I’m glad the new OP is its own thing! I want Digimon Adventure ‘20 to be as authentic as possible without losing the original’s heart. The song is nice enough. I don’t want to compare it to Butter-Fly, but I’m only human. Give me a few episodes. Gotta let go.

The OP has way more Taichi than the others. No surprise there. He’s our goggle boy. (Still, since they went for a quick throwback to the original opening, it’s a shame only Taichi was shown falling down towards the Digital World).

Everyone got a part, though. Shout out to Takeru and Hikari for being yet again the ominous, powerful baby-faced duo that is definitely up to something.

It’s so interesting that, while the other crests are shown very clearly and surrounded by sparkles, Light and Hope are only shown briefly shining in their partners’ shadows. Why is Takeru so far away from us, why is this so sinister-looking. Hi, mysterious plot. Nice to meet you.

Wherever Hikari is by the end of the OP, it reminds me of Vamdemon’s castle. Maybe she feels connected to Tailmon and follows her somehow? Angemon wasn’t shown in the OP with the older six children’s partners, just Patamon. I wonder if they’ll try to make us grieve for Angemon a second time. It’d work with me. Either way, I imagine we’re in for another last-minute Patamon evolution when everything looks hopeless.

This time, though, we’ve got Hikari from the beginning (yes, I am VERY excited about this, thank you for asking, THIS IS WHAT I DESERVE), and, while I think Patamon is more powerful in regular conditions (as in, Angemon can probably take Angewomon in a fight despite the level imbalance, but as soon as Hikari starts glowing you know who’s winning), he will now be sharing the spotlight with another Archangel evolution… as his friend or as his foe, considering that Tailmon might be a double agent of some sorts in the beginning. Welp.

Anyway. Toei isn’t fooling around, in the OP we can see MetalGreymon in a very scary-looking, glitchy fashion that I’m LIVING for, WarGreymon’s silhouette and, good grief, there’s even a glimpse of Omegamon. Talk about too much information. Maybe chill out a little? (I say this, but the adults already know all of their evos, and the kids just want MOOOOOOORE monstahhhhhrrrrrrsss….which is fair.)

MetalGreymon looks dope here. The others, though, are only shown up to their Adult evolution, even Gabumon. I don’t think they will have only Gabumon and Agumon reaching their Mega forms, and then fusing into Omegamon while everyone else only gets as far as Perfect. Again.

They wouldn’t do this to us. Right? Yeah, they would. Maybe we can have Holydramon/Ophanimon and Seraphimon later on, as a treat. Aaaaaand, depending on how many episodes — how many seasons — this new timeline gets, I’m not giving up hope just yet. Let me have Phoenixmon, Toei, you heartless thing.

Moving on to the actual episode… The first non-Digimon character to show up is the true protagonist. Our queen is back. Our little Digivice thief, Miko herself.

Just you wait, you ain’t gonna be Hikari’s favorite cat-like creature for long.

Speaking of Hikari, LOOK AT THIS WITTLE BABY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2020 Taichi right off the bat was Taichi for me. He’s talking to Yuuko and yells “Hikariii~” so loudly Hikari hears it from where she stands, the short cutie. Their mom just hands down the phone for her without missing a beat so Taichi can comfort her through whatever she’s worrying about (her summer classes, probably). Such a sweet, natural little moment that flashes both characters out. I want more of that, please.

We’re then introduced to Koushiro! I’m not gonna lie, I cringed the first time I heard him speak. I thought the voice didn’t fit him very well. This impression faded quickly enough, though, and I’m already attached to his new voice. Later, I realized that part of the reason he sounded off to me was because of how nervous he seemed — around Taichi, of all people! In this version, they’re just meeting for the first time, so it’s very in-character for him. Guess I was kinda shocked seeing Koushiro not feeling at ease talking to Taichi. Poor thing is Anxious! And he’s overthinking about Summer Camp! And he’s happy Taichi is his neighbor! That certainly would’ve helped during the Vandemon arc back in ‘99.

Koushiro gets a little bit over his awkwardness upon hearing the news regarding the cyber attack, something he’s curious about, and finally steps towards Taichi instead of away, which is spot on. These two fall into an easy camaraderie, as they SHOULD, and they head to the train station together, where Taichi decides to, I don’t know… run like crazy on the tracks until he gets to the rogue train where his family is and stop it with sheer force of will? Yeah! Sounds like him!

And now to one of the most interesting parts of this adaption, is that they’re showing us the Crests early on and HOW they’re doing it.

Taichi is able to meet Koromon because he’s being brave.

I mean, the first time, he was chosen because of his courage, too, but they all go in together. They’re taken. They’re washed off the Earth. And while Taichi had no idea he was going to be pulled into the Net, he chose to try to save Hikari and his mom (and, a few moments later, he chose to dive in towards Koromon). This time, it feels so much more personal. The screen switched back and forth between the Crest of Courage, Taichi and Hikari, who I believed called his name. The scene worked so well! (Following this pattern, Koushiro gets his Digivice when expressing curiosity, the will to pursue an explanation for what was happening!!!!)

On the other hand, it’s sort of bittersweet they weren’t pulled in together. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they didn’t try to introduce all of them AND the Digital World at the same time again. But… ‘99 established them as a ‘team’ within seconds. It’s interesting, though. I’m VERY curious to see how their bonding will go this time around!

Taichi and Koromon meeting was beautiful. I was worried the soundtrack wouldn’t even stand a chance against the masterpiece that is the original one, but the musing playing was so delicate, so majestic. I felt I was witnessing a precious moment. Also, Koromon’s ears twisting into how we represent the DNA while he was evolving was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SUCH A GOOD DETAIL!!!!!!

It cracked me up when Koushiro said that what was happening was very surprising while not sounding surprised at all. I wonder how long the kid has been looking into the cyber attacks. Oh, and the Network is pretty. Prettier than I had anticipated, though not that different from Appmon’s style, I think? I can’t wait to get a look at the actual Digital World and see if it has that unique feeling and that odd, watercolor painting aesthetic. I hope I can trust the OP:

Did you notice that Agumon giggled a few times? He looked at Taichi with such love, familiarity and devotion and like he knew something. It felt… right. My heart. My poor, poor heart. (I know this Agumon probably has met Taichi before inside of this very Universe, like the Hikarigaoka incident in the original version, but I like to think about Universe-hopping platonic soulmates.)

Overall the sound work was fantastic, but this scene deserves a highlight. The noise of the Kuramon lookalike moving after evolving was genuinely disturbing. And look at how pretty this is:

Speaking of evolution, AGUMON EVOLVING INTO GREYMON WAS THE SHIT. I loved how straight-up FERAL it was, while still keeping the “Digital” part of “Digital Monster” very much present. It reminded me a bit of Hosoda’s Greymon (most amazing Greymon to this day!) in the Digimon Adventure Movie and, now that I think of it, of him fighting in some Tri. Reunion scenes. Scary Greymon is the best Greymon. Yes. I like it when the Digimon manage to disturb and scare me, okay? They aren’t called monsters for nothing.

I mean we got to see his horn literally bursting out of his skin. This is low-key terrifying. 10/10.

BUT WHERE IS THE EVOLUTION THEME SONG

I am: deceased. Cause of death: Hikari’s soft smile when she realizes her big brother managed to help them.

Alternatively, this first pic had killed me on the spot.

FINALLY, we get to see Yamato, and of course, he’s staring down dramatically at Taichi on top of Garurumon like the intense person he is. And, no big deal, there’s a cyber attack in a U.S military base and, uh, apparently the next episode is the 2020 version of Bokura no War Game?!

I— WHAT?!

No pressure, am I right? I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be falling off a good ol’ cliff with my camping buddies.

To be honest, if they intended to end it like this, it felt like this should’ve been a special episode. Maybe one-hour-long or so? Why……….HOW……….. They wanna go from the pilot straight to a Bokura no War game tribute?! The very movie that introduced Omegamon. I swear, if Omegamon’s debut is the SECOND episode, I’m gonna break. How is this gonna work. Well, at least they have us… intrigued?

The ED is so Yamato-focused it’s almost weird that his voice actor isn’t the one singing lmao. That amount of Yamatoness got me by surprise. Some of the pics look like a PowerPoint presentation of CD cover ideas for his yet-to-exist (or not) band… and I say this lovingly, okay? I love him so much.

This is my favorite one!

I lost count of how many times I listened to this song!! It also got me hooked up. What’s up with Takeru and how the writers took the whole Angel aesthetic to a whole new level?! Is he sick? Is he dying? Is this why Yamato is so sad and lonely throughout the ED?????? EVERYONE GO BEFRIEND HIM. I heard he’s a good friend.

Be right back, I’m gonna tattoo this pic to my face.

Bonus commentary!

I bet I wasn’t the only one looking for random cameos whenever they showed us crowds. Didn’t find anyone we know, but I’m sure this will change. 02 characters cameos, I’m ready for you.

Soooooooooo the Tachikawa own a tech company this time?? For all we know they own Japan. That’s scarier than the Diablomon-like virus giving Trump a headache. If so, Mimi is gonna be way more spoiled than before. Oh, dear.

I HOPE WE SEE MORE OF THESE PIXEL BABIES! That was a perfect Easter egg.

If none of these icons at the bottom is the Digimon Analyzer, then what’s the point of my entire existence?

I can’t wait for next Saturday! Even if solely to yell “WHY??????” at my screen.

I can’t thank you enough if you read this far!

#digimon #digimon adventure psi #psi spoilers #bea with the tea #I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY WRITING THIS AND........ IT'S NOT EVEN GOOD.......... OK #long post

133 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #405

“today i went to therapy, told him the embarrassing issues that i’m having with my life / he told me that i need to change; life is not a video game, so stop playing & open up your eyes”

What was your favourite sweet as a child? Things like Baby Bottle Pops, Ring Pops, Airheads, etc. Do you like to wear socks to bed? NOOOOOOO. I don't wear socks unless I have to. What’s your favourite berry? Strawberries. If you have a job, how long is your shift? I don't. Do you like sunflowers? Well yeah. Are you counting down for anything? No. Are you watching TV? What’s on? No. Do you have make-up on? No. I haven't worn makeup since last October. Are you any good with kids? People have told me I am, but I beg to differ. What if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both cisgender women, we physically couldn't. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years time? It'd be nice honestly, but I kinda doubt I will be. What is your favorite card game? Magic: The Gathering. What is the weirdest thing you’ve done in public? Ha, probably the times I've gotten down on the ground beside the road to photograph roadkill... More than once has someone stopped and asked if I was okay, haha. Favorite sleeping position? Twisted half on my side and stomach with my legs just sorta splayed out. What is your dad’s name? Ken. Have you ever been on a diet? Multiple times. Do you own any jersey shirts? No. Are you proud to be of the nationality you are? There are two moods I have on this: I'm either neutral or embarrassed. Can you remember what you last clapped for? Omg the woman who facilitates my TMS treatment was telling Mom and me about this one time a tiny snake got in the lobby and I did a lil squeal and clapped a bit because I was just excited to hear about a little snake, haha. What is the geekiest part of your music collection? *shrug* Maybe game soundtrack music. What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night? Well, not really the fridge, but w/e. I'll usually get a granola bar or something of the sort. What is the little physical habit that gives away you're insecure moment? Kneading/wringing my hands together is a dead giveaway. Do you have too many love interests? No. How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year? If you want honesty... probably no amount would lmao. I rely way too heavily on the Internet for so many things. Do you talk a lot? It depends on my mood and who I'm around. Do transient, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? What a fucking awful question. They don't annoy me. It can be awkward driving past them, but they're in no way annoying. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? I definitely try to be. What is your ideal marriage location? Either a gothic-looking mansion or something of the sort or a wooded area in the fall. Do you tell your friends about your sex life? I don't have one to talk about. Would you ever admit to having done plastic surgery of any kind if confronted? Yeah? No shame. What kind of watch(es) do you wear? I don't wear watches. What do you cook the best? My family likes my scrambled cheesy eggs... basic as that is, haha. When my sisters would go to Taco Bell all the time and save the hot sauces for later use, I would use some packets in the eggs I cooked. Honestly amazing. What's one car you will never buy? "Anything that is two door, or low to the ground." <<<< This right here. On the other end of the spectrum, I also won't ever buy a car that's high up. I need a good medium so I can actually get in with ease. What's one thing you're a sore loser at? Hm, I dunno. What kind of first impression do you think you give to people? "Wow, she's awkward." What's one thing you like to do alone? Draw. When's the last time you cried? Not long ago at all because I was just so exasperated over my weight gain. Do you think you're cute? God no. Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends? I don't change in front of anyone if I can avoid it. Did you like kissing the last person you kissed or the one before that more? The last person. I gotta say I was not a fan of kissing Girt because for whatever reason his lips were ALWAYS wetter than lips naturally should be and I just didn't dig it, man. That and every kiss with him was awkward. Whose bed other than yours did you last lay on? My mom's. What turns you off immediately? Acting sexist, to name one. Which city do you particularly enjoy visiting and for what reasons? I don't like going into cities. Do you often take pictures with the camera on your phone? No. I don't like the camera on my phone. In the past year, have you lost weight or gained weight? How much? Gained. You don't need to know. What year was the last car you rode in/drove? I have zero clue. What’s your worst/funniest experience with one of your neighbors? "Worst" and "funniest" are very different... but I can tell you the worst easily. At my childhood home, our next-door neighbors had a pair of Rottweilers in their back yard within a chain-link fence, and we had a LOT of outdoor cats at the time. (I will emphasize every time I bring it up to NOT keep cats outside.) Somehow the dogs got loose and went on a rampage trying to kill our cats; one young one was killed, while our fearless mother cat, Chance, literally fought them off to defend her new kittens. More were maybe killed, I honestly can't remember. My mom was hysterical and threatened to call animal control if it ever happened again. I was absolutely, utterly heartbroken. The last time you burned your tongue or mouth, what were you eating? Ummm I want to say it was some sort of pasta that I didn't let cool long enough. Honestly, are you shallow? Far from it, honestly. Can/could your parents tell when you were lying? Not always. Besides clothes, shoes, and accessories, what’s your favorite thing to shop for? I love window-shopping at Morph Market, haha. AAAAAAAAAALL those ball python morphs, man... *drools* Does/did your parents ever go through your computer or cell phone? When I was younger, Mom was very intent on figuring out why I was always so secretive about what I did on the computer (mostly RP-related things) that ohhhh yeah, she'd do some digging. The night she finally snapped, demanding I tell her my passwords to everything, and she ultimately found out about me being a forum RPer, was literally almost traumatic to me, I think. I know, that sounds INCREDIBLY overdramatic, but I'm not fucking joking. I was in my room SOBBING on my best friend's shoulder, who was spending the night. I was just so embarrassed, and I *still* am when I share that fact with people I know, even though I have no reason to be. Like I don't do any weird or kinky RP shit, it's just genuine, artistic writing with actual, well thought-out plots, but I still feel like people would think it dumb, childish, and just weird. What song reminds you the most of a particular day in your life? Why is that? "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. I've talked about it a few times before and really don't feel like doing it again. Do you have any close friends that were adopted? I don't think so. Who, in your opinion, is the best thriller writer? I don't know. Does your mom eat meat? Yeah. Was your dad ever on a sports team? Lots in high school, I believe. Do you prefer thick or thin crusted pizza? Thick, by a long shot. What do you have in your fruit salads? Not a fan of fruit salads. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? I've only needed a wheelchair once in my life, and that was just to get inside and maneuver around the doctor's office when I tore a ligament in my foot. So no. What are your favorite word? Serendipity, tranquility, lucid, etc.; pretty, peaceful words like those. Is there a lot of drama in your life? Nope. I don't do enough or have enough people in my life for there to be. What are you listening to? An extended version of "Nightsong" from WoW. Do you hear any animals right now? No. I'm sure I'd hear birds if I didn't have my earplugs in, though. Have you ever played fetch with a dog? Yes. Have you ever pet a stingray? No. Who is the last baby you held? Emerson, my youngest niece. Do you have any scars from an animal? Yeah; I've got looooots from my cat playing too rough. Have you ever seen an Igloo? I don't believe so. Do you like Korn? They're high on my list of faves. Are you more afraid of tornadoes or hurricanes? Absolutely tornadoes. Do you like mushrooms? Ugh, NO. Have you ever been on Omegle? No. So do you have a favorite M&M? Just the regular ones. Have you ever snuck out? No. Do you currently feel like you have pretty stable career goals/a pretty stable life plan? Have you ever felt this way? I don't know, man. I know what I WANT to do, I just don't know if I'm ever going to get there. Or if what I want will be financially supportive enough, now that I'm really losing interest in photographing people. I might just have to if I want to be financially stable with photography, which would be okay, but bleh. I'd much rather just work with nature. If you could buy an android that was was convincingly human and could be tailored to be your perfect partner, would you want one? No. I don't want to build my own partner, nor do I want my romantic partner to be an android. I want life to just introduce me to a person who is uniquely themselves, who have built themselves from their own life experiences, and not just have a perfect spouse tailored to everything I like. If you do not identify as being “straight,” can you remember back to your childhood some things you did that were, in hindsight, possible indicators of your future sexuality? Yes, especially in middle school. I thought women were prettier than probably a straight kid would, and looking back, I definitely found the natural curves of the female figure to be attractive. When you consume media (movies, books, etc.) with a romantic element, what sort of romance scenarios interest you most? Hm. I know I prefer serious ones over silly; like I'm a sucker for Nicholas Sparks' style, if that says anything. If you are female, do you feel connected to other women as a class? What sort of things make you feel a strong sense of sisterhood or female empowerment? This is too big of a question for me to feel like delving into right now, haha. But I can say it more so depends on the individual than the gender when it comes to feeling connection over anything.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''game over'' by falling in reverse

2 notes · View notes

peremadeleine · 4 years

Text

Droopy Sleeves and Tiny Bonnets: Watering Down the Romantic Aesthetic in BBC’s Les Mis

I wasn’t exactly blown away by the costumes in the BBC production of Les Mis, and Cosette’s in particular, cute as Ellie Bamber is, were thoroughly “just okay.” But I didn’t put much more thought into it...

Well, not until Gentleman Jack--set in the exact same time period--blew BBC’s Les Mis out of the water with its costume design. Then more recently, when I started researching the fashion of the early 1830s, all the ways in which poor Cosette’s costumes fell short became glaringly obvious.

Disclaimer: I am not as much of a stickler for historical accuracy in period drama costumes as this little essay is going to make me out as being. I’m not a Frock Flicks kind of gal; I just want to be entertained and look at pretty clothes. So as far as I’m concerned, as long as the basic silhouettes are there and the costumes are nice to look at, I’m there. (I find the wildly inaccurate costumes of The Tudors a lot more visually appealing than the ones in Wolf Hall. And everyone knows Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette was highly stylized, but those costumes are to die for and still embody the rococo aesthetic very well.)

That said, Cosette is a character who’s very invested in fashion, and the general look of the 1830s isn’t unknown to English productions, being the setting of Queen Victoria’s adolescence, Jane Eyre, Wives and Daughters, and many a Dickens adaptation among others.

So where did they go wrong?

Being honest, most of the Les Mis productions from the past two decades or so failed to put Cosette in high-fashion or even noteworthy costumes. Only the 2012 film for all the ways it failed her as a character hit it out of the park. Cosette gowns were damn near perfect--and they were actually pretty to boot! Unfortunately in the actual film you can’t even see the floral gown and you can barely see the blue one...thanks Tom Hooper.

The belts/buckles, the enormous sleeves, the delicate floral prints and embroidery, the lace collars...pat the costume designer on the back! (Her wedding dress was also on-point, but we’ll get to that.)

Claire Danes and Virginie Ledoyen had passable-and-sometimes-good costumes, too. Though Claire Danes’ were generally not very pretty, their overall silhouette was correct. Virginie Ledoyen gets a couple of knock-out, very period-appropriate gowns; the rest sort of fall into the nebulous “well, I guess you tried” category without being unattractive.

But the BBC production just...dropped the ball for reasons unknown.

Now, in the book Cosette overhears some ladies calling her “pretty but badly dressed.” She’s shocked, because she thinks she’s ugly but well-dressed. She then goes on a charming quest to become the best-dressed woman in Paris, and the BBC adaptation even has a scene where she goes to the seamstress. It’s really cute. Too bad that the dresses are...really not.

Here are some fashion plates from 1830-32. Keep in mind that Cosette lives in Paris, of all places; she would be aware of what was and was not fashionable.

This is the height of Romantic fashion: giant (“gigot”) sleeves and bonnets, full skirts with hems at or just above the ankle, lace accents, silk stockings and slippers, elaborate hairdos. The 2012 costumes, again, capture this quite well.

And even if the BBC designer had taken liberties and had fun while preserving the overall aesthetic--think what Sandy Powell did in Cinderella, set in roughly the same period--I wouldn’t be making this post. But there’s curiously little 1830s to be found in Cosette’s wardrobe at all.

I guess we should start with the BBC’s Good/Accurate Stuff. This coat Cosette wears is, apart from the deep fur-lined V-neck, almost a carbon copy of the extant coat on the right. And she has a bonnet!

Cosette’s best/most accurate dress is, naturally, the most difficult to see and has the least screentime of all her costumes:

From what I can tell, the sleeves, though delicate and sheer, are very full, as is the skirt, and the whole thing seems both pretty and en vogue...despite the questionable neckline. It’s also detailed--embroidery on the sleeves and with pleats (?) to create visual interest at the shoulders and on the bodice!

Here are a selection of other short-sleeved gowns from the period for comparison (both extant garments and costumes/reconstructions).

Tbh Ellie’s costume should be as stunning as the blue gown (far left) that an extra wore in Cinderella, but...maybe someday, in some Les Mis production, that gorgeous Sandy Powell creation will reappear. *sigh* (Virginie Ledoyen’s best Cosette gown is on the far right, btw.)

Anyway, that’s...that’s about it for the “Good” category.

Next up: her teal/turquoise dress(es). (She also wears a red one that looks exactly like this.)

Someone didn’t tell the costume designer that Cosette was supposed to be a fashionista, I guess. During my research, I did find a couple of dresses that resembled these two...but they would both be several years out of date by the time Cosette was going on her fashion crusade:

Even the yellow dotted dress has more style and “oomph” than what poor Cosette got stuck in--her sleeves look comparatively small, deflated, and underwhelming, all the more so when compared to actual 1830s gigot sleeves.

In the interest of being fair, some extant gowns from the right dates also look somewhat like these two.

But they all look, well...better. They all make me wish Cosette’s gown had bigger sleeves, a more-defined neckline, less wrinkly fabric...anything that would take it up a notch. (Also of note: as plain as some of these dresses look, they would not have been worn alone--accessories like wide belts, shawls, bonnets, etc., would have been part of the outfit when they were actually worn.)

And when it comes down to it, Cosette--who wants, after all, to be wearing the most fashionable gowns, like those in the fashion plates--should be wearing gowns more like...

The detailing, the fabric choices, the tailoring, and (sorry) the size and position of the sleeves makes all the difference here. A little more effort, even just padding for Cosette’s poor limp sleeves and a belt, would be enough to bump her looks from “kind of sad” to “something I believe this character would really wear.”

My personal favorite gown in the production was very pretty, flowing and delicate--and look: I’m willing to accept that Cosette wouldn’t always be wearing a fashion plate while chasing butterflies (something no film Cosette has, tragically, ever done...) That said, it still wasn’t very 1830s.

This purplish gown is the closest extant I could find to something like what Cosette wears here, but once you look at the details of both--fabric, neckline, whatever is happening around waist--all you get is “???” A lovely dress, but one that doesn’t make much sense.

So finally we come to what ought to be the showiest of all Cosette’s costumes: her wedding gown.

This costume ought to be Stunning for a lot of reasons. The “Fauchelevents” have money! The Pontmercys have money, and they have society friends! Cosette is a fashionista, and she’s head-over-heels in sweet young love! And one an assume that Valjean wants to send off the light of his life, if send her off he must, in style--he’s heartbroken but also knows, from this moment, that he will never have to worry about her safety or well-being again.

With all that in mind, this is what Ellie’s Cosette wears...

Oh. Okay. Is it her freaking wedding day, or is she just going to a church picnic???

At least she IS wearing a bonnet in this scene, but it’s the same color as her hair (?!) and it’s tiny...just like her sad, deflated sleeves. The necklime and waistline both are at least accurate here, but like the sleeves, the skirt isn’t voluminous. Not a single thing about the dress makes a statement...unless it’s a shrug. The impression is, once again, “meh?”

At least a veil (which some women did wear on their wedding bonnets) would emphasize the “wedding day” vibe. How about, if they weren’t going to give it any volume, some detail on the gown...any detail...floral embroidery...a BELT...a contrasting color or fabric (lace, hello?!)...anything??? It’s just so plain and low-key. Just like everything Cosette wears in this miniseries.

Here are some period wedding gowns, two of which Cosette wears in other adaptations. They all have the wow factor this dress lacks.

Big sleeves! Lace! Belts! Veils! Lush fabric! Frills! Different colors/fabrics to create visual interest! Hairstyles that pop instead of blend together! These are the kind of gowns that say “I’m the bride and this is my day.” Not “I’m going to the church picnic.”

I want to reiterate that, after ALL that rambling...my big issues are that a) these dresses are not--by and large--attractive or interesting and b) that they fail to embody Cosette’s love of fashion. The fact that they’re so inaccurate for the time period is secondary. However, paying more attention to the fashions of 1830-32 would, I think, have helped make the costumes prettier and more suited to the character. How you dress a character is also a factor in how their character is perceived and can be a subtle means of character development. No chance of that here. (Post-marriage, Cosette wears such a blase dark blue coat that, sans fur trim, looks identical to her previous one. Yawn.)

I’m just a fan, yet it still took me only three days of basic research to put this post together. Expecting a costume designer to put in at least a few days of light research is not a huge leap. I’m going to venture a guess and say that this designer did not bother to do that. And it shows.

It’s a shame, because Cosette gets a lot more screentime here--for the first time since the 2000 production--and she deserves so much more than shapeless gowns and barely-styled hair.

And also more than Andrew Davies...but that’s a rant for another time.

#cosette #bbc les mis #Les Miserables #historical fashion #romantic era

56 notes · View notes