#because he's been arthurs eyes this whole time and if he cant do that right anymore

[tiktaaliker]

AUGH the new malevolent episode.... john buddy there is something seriously wrong with you <3

[sourdough-morbread]

i havent screamed about mordred in a while so. here are some headcanons

- he doesnt remember before the age of nine, after the village he was living in got raided by camelots knights. its only vague pieces of hlaf formed memories. he isnt sure if they are his or if its cerdans retellings forming an image in his mind. all he knows is its a miracle he survived. usually they kill the children first.

- he does have one memory he knows is his. a well and a faceless image of an older boy showing him light tricks in the water. he doesnt know who the boy is, and its too overwhelming to ask cerdan for a long time. and when mordred is ready, cerdan is long dead.

- he is used to being alone. he has barely known anything else. he was alone for a long time before he joined the round table. probably ever since camelot broke apart alvarrs forces. he was alone among the druids too- he was a warlock. his existence made whoever he was with a bigger target and the druids knew that. and the people he was living with made that known. mostly unintentionally. but mordred has always been perceptive. he knew how people saw him.

- thats why he gets attached to morgana immediately. she is the second warlock he has ever met. she is like her, and she saves his life at the risk of facing Uther Pendragaon. then she shows up in the forest of ascetir, its his biggest wish coming true, so much that he thinks he is dreaming before he hears her scream in his mind and drags aglain after him with barely five words that are definitely not enough to explain whats going on.

- he teaches morgana the basics of easing off magic flares. thats the name for whats happening to her magic. its basically your magic into a spasm and surging at whatever high affinity thing it can find. like fire of a candle or water in a vase. he knows the druids are not going to let her stay for long, even in his wishful thinking. they will try to help her, sure, but he is the only person who knows what it is like for your magic to do that. and he knows if she doesn't learn this it is basically sending her to her death.

- when he hears about morganas betrayal, he doesnt believe it. 'corrupted by magic' he hears people whisper, 'fired crossbows into the crowds, what a monster.' and he knows its bullshit. because magic isnt not fucking corruptive, and she would never do that. she knows what it is like to be afraid. she wouldnt do that. this is some lie uther has come up with and told all the bards to sing. she must have been found out. that's the only explanation that makes sense.

- he joins the saxon bandits in 5x01 to get to morgana. he hears of morgana raising an army against camelot in the name of magic and it confirms everything he thought all along. and druids of the north are more warlike. fortress of ismere has belonged to them for centuries. this is hope. all that stuff about her kidnapping people for some nefarious project? obvious lies.

- except they are not. which is. concerning. but he still pushes on. this is the first time he felt like there was actual hope for magical people.

- his concerns disappear when he meets morgana again. its... surreal to see her. oddly enough the think that sticks out to him the most is that he is now taller than her. its just very weird to be taller than her. but other than that she is morgana. the only person to care about him so readily. he can feel her happiness just at his existence.

- except the whole tearing apart ismere thing. that he cant forget about because its scarred into the magic around him. he doesnt think she knows the damage she is doing. sensing magic is even rarer than warlocks.

- when she proves to him that all she really wants is revenge against arthur, he feels sick. its his worst fears he didnt know he had come to life right before his eyes. he can barely breathe, trying no to get lost in his thoughts. he cant go back to being hopeless and doing nothing but hiding among camelotians.

-thats why he joins arthur. reason says he should leave. joining camelot is dangerous. it is like going to the belly of the beast. except he cant go back to doing nothing and arthur, unlike morgana, actually cares about people. which is a very low bar. but if morgana wins everyones doomed she will burn the kingdom to the ground and sell it piece meal to the saxons.

[biderboy]

If Remus and Sirius died instead of James and Lily

A/N : i’m sorry.

It was Dumbledore’s idea, as most failed plans were. To send Remus and Sirius to the safe house meant for the Potters.

“Confuse them,” He had said, “He’s after the Potter’s, he won’t be expecting you.”

Sirius, so gullable and willing to do whatever to keep his best friend, his godson, safe, didn’t question it.

Remus, willing to go to the ends of earth to help James, as James had helped him, went along as well.

In hindsight, it was a stupid idea. A ridiculous, horrible, stupid idea. Thinking they could outsmart Voldemort, his followers. Thinking two, barely 21, boys would be enough.

It wasn’t.

It was a rather normal day. Remus and Sirius got used to the silence, the waiting, anticipating. They got used to not being around James and Lily, not hearing Harry’s giggles from the other room.

The only person who ever visited was Dumbledore himself, and that was to put the wards up.

It had been 3 months of waiting. At this rate, they would have to spend christmas alone as well.

Well, they never did make it that far either way.

Halloween night. Sirius was in the kitchen when he heard it. The door, had sounded like it was kicked open. And a waft of magic, dark magic filled the house.

Sirius was up, wand in his hand, before he could even think.

Remus was sleeping on the couch, was. He was up now. Surprisingly steady for someone who was woken up in such a way. His own wand in hand, pointed straight at a deatheaters throat.

“Well, well, well. You were right Wormtail. Good boy.” a sick feeling crawled up Sirius’ stomach. No, certainly not, it couldn’t be.

But it could. The familiar face of Peter, one of his best friends, the same boy who stole chocolate frogs for them every night in 4th year, the same boy who learned everything there was to know about quidditch, just so he could explain to Remus during their games. The same boy he trusted his life with.

Peter. That rat.

For a moment, just a moment. The room stilled. Remus could hear Sirius’ heart beat pick up, could feel his magic buzzing.

There was 7 deatheaters in total. Along with the man himself, Voldemort. There was only two of them.

In a blink of an eye, Remus shot out a curse, he wasn’t sure which one, or who it hit, but he kept going. Firing them off left and right.

He saw a death eater raise his wand at Sirius.

He’s rather die then let anything happen to his lover.

“RUN.”

Sirius’ eyes locked with his, but he did not move. His feet were planted, wand still in hand.

“PADS RUN.” He pleaded. still firing off curses left and right. Remus felt one hit his side, knocking the wind out of him. But he didn’t stop, he couldn’t stop.

Sirius felt pathetic. His lover was fighting. His lover was yelling at him to run, to leave him. As if he could.

He couldn’t do anything. His feet wouldn’t move, he was yelling at himself to lift his arm, to protect Remus. To do something.

It didn’t kick in until he saw the green light wash through the house.

No, no, NO.

Remus fell to the floor.

There was a laugh somewhere.

Sirius couldn’t be think.

He felt the magic push through him, he felt his arm raise and he felt the ground shake.

He locked eyes with the man.

Curse after curse, Sirius could barely stay on his feet. The death eaters were stronger, they always had been. But he stayed put, protecting Remus even though he knew, he knew.

Remus layed dead on the floor behind him.

Sirius was hit with another curse, falling to his knees, he screamed.

If it took his last breath, he would use it. This man killed his Moony.

He knew he didn’t have time left, he knew with the way his hands shook and his eyes blurred, and he could barely make out the words.

“Avada Kedavra”

He smiled, seeing the green light take over the house again, watching the man fall.

He couldn’t enjoy his victory for long, as the death eaters around him focused on their dead leader.

One turned around, a horrid look in her eyes.

Those eyes. He knew those eyes.

“Bye bye baby cousin.”

He felt himself hit the ground, the last breath taken from him. He rolled his head to the side, finally, facing his love.

His last thought.

‘Atleast I’m with you.’

-

James was nervous. No, more than nervous. All the bad feelings he had ever had could never compare to what he was feeling now.

Dumbledore called a meeting.

It was fine, should have been fine, if he knew where his best friends were. If he knew even the slightest bit of information about anything.

Lily tried calming him down, but he hadn’t felt calm since the moment his idiots decided to go along with the plan.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The rest of the order was there, or atleast the ones still alive.

Arthur and Molly, Andromeda and Ted, a few people James really couldn’t remember the names too.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Dumbledore walked in.

An aura around him, as there always was. But this time it was different, it felt lighter, buut James did not allow himself to breathe just yet.

Dumbledore gathered everyone’s attention with a simple clearing of his throat.

He gave a soft smile.

“Voldemort has been defeated. The war, has been won.”

Around James there was cheers, and laughs, tears and hugs. A few “are you serious?”’s thrown around.

For a moment James felt a bit of pressure free from his chest. But he looked around.

Sirius and Remus were not there.

He met Dumbledore’s eyes. The older man sighed.

“Unfortunately, there was some casualties.” No.

“Remus Lupid and Sirius Black have passed.”

No.

He’s lying.

It cant be. No Remus. Surely not Sirius. They were stronger.

He was lying. James shook his head, almsot laughing.

Good joke, really. Remus and Sirius would walk through that door with a, “got you prongs!” and they would laugh and hug and things would be okay.

But the room fell to silence.

There was a heavy air now.

James watched the door.

They never walked in.

No. No. Not them. Not now. No.

But he felt Lily’s hand in his, and he heard Arthur murmur “not the boys” and James felt the world fall on his shoulders.

Remus. His Moony. The boy who wore torn up clothes and didn’t smile for 2 whole weeks when they started Hogwarts. The boy who gave him bits of chocolate whenever he was sad. The boy who had a small smile but a huge heart. The real mastermind behind their pranks and laughs. The boy boy who’s hugs made you feel like you were coming home, who smelled like cinnamon and apples. The boy who hated the moon himself, but never stopped Sirius from talking about how pretty it was. The boy who stayed up late helping them study, even if he had his own exam the next day. The boy who kept an extra pair of gloves with him because James always forgot his own. The boy who sang quietly under his breath, who hated looking at his own scars, but made sure everyone knew theirs were amazing. The boy who held James as he cried over the stars, the boy who punched snape in the nose for walking too close to Lily. The boy who learned to love, and learned to let people love him.

Sirius. His Padfoot. His best friend. His other half. The boy with long hair and a snobby attitude. The boy who once only became friends with them to piss off his folks. The boy who constantly listened to muggle records and danced around their dorm at 3am. The boy had an unhealthy amount of facts about animals he’d never seen. The boy who crawled into his sea in 2nd year, tears in his eyes, hands shaking, and asked him to hold on. The same boy who showed up to school 3rd year white scars he didn’t show anyone, and a permanent grin. The boy who flirted with every girl he saw, taking her hand, spinning her around the room, only to have his own eyes set on a certain brown haired boy. The boy who felt like home, who smelled like expensive hair products, who had far too many dog like tendencies. The boy who held James hand, who joined quidditch for him, who stayed up late to talk about love and insecurities. The boy who showed up at his house in 4th year and never truly left, leaving his mark on everyting he touched. The boy who held their hands, their hearts, and never let go.

They couldn’t be dead.

But they were.

And James was left with nothing but the wondering thoughts.

Why wasn’t it me?

[spiltscribbles]

I Carry Your Heart With Me

~Notes: Hiya loves! So I wrote this in dedication and thanks to the gorgeous @sophiegaladheon for donating to the amazing Fandom Trumps Hate event!!!! I moving this from AO3 just because of me wanting to just a couple things lol. You’re a remarkable person Sophie! Thank you for being so SO beyond kind and for being patient with me and I’m glad that you enjoyed this when you read it<3<3 It literally makes me emotional with joy!!

.-

Send ME A Prompt  |  A Reblog Is So SO fucking amazing!!!

.-

And as the bandaged knot was tightened,

  the two men smiled  into each other’s eyes 

—Hart crane

.-

There’s muffled laughter that reverberates through the door, drown out by the playlist Pez had queued up as soon as they all had clambered into Alex’s room to begin getting prepared for the wedding of the century. Henry can easily picture the way Beatrice is swiping a makeup brush across June’s cheekbones, and how Pez and Nora alternate between dancing on Alex’s bed to screaming about their hatred for most people; and it makes him grin. Their group is unconventional as hell, but they’ve all slotted into one another’s lives so seamlessly that there must be something like providence that brought them together and kept them as bound as they are. And Henry loves them all with every inch of himself, but he soon loses attention when his eyes flicker from the door to the mirror in front of him where Alex is still primping and preening.

The dim light of the loo attached to Alex’s room glitters in his brown eyes, softly caresses his features while  he sprits on his final coat of cologne before the night commences, a idl hand tousling his hair into an artful sort of muss, and Henry can’t take his eyes off of him from where he’s lounging against the wall behind him, flickering between appreciating the sight of  Alex’s miraculous arse in those black slacks,  and his gorgeous reflection that’s grinning at him knowingly; either way  Henry’s smiling to himself at the lovely sight of it.

Alex is beautiful through every layer, to his very core, and it makes Henry go weak at the knees, makes his head swim with the realization that he’s with him, that he chose Henry. Alex loves Henry, and that must mean something. Must mean that the frantic thudding to Henry’s heart— the adoration and love and need Henry’s always been crippled by— is mirrored in Alex’s own. Not to as drastic of a degree surely, but it’s there. And that’s enough, that’s all Henry had ever wanted ever since  that brilliant day at the Olympics that sealed his fate so unswervingly. A fate that was made only more permanent once they had fallen into one another at Philip’s wedding, and just kept falling in different ways in different countries in different intensities. A falling that never stopped, a falling that intwined them in ways that Henry could never fathom unwinding. A falling that locked them together in ways he was brought up reading about in feted love stories printed out in black and white, and what he got to see painted out in real life with how his mother’s eyes always twinkled that bit brighter when gazing at his father, and how Arthur’s smile in turn only ever got soft in that particular way when she was besides him. A love story Henry never thought he could have, never thought would be within his grips considering how bleeding gay he is. But he did. 

Henry found that picture of glittering color, that wave that can swallow him whole if he’s not careful, that strumming to his insides. He found it in how Alex laughed with his head thrown back when he's especially happy. Found it in the way Alex reads while mouthing the words, like his lips couldn’t stay still even in silence. Found it in the look on Alex’s face when Henry brings him over the edge in their bed. In the way Alex kissed him back underneath a thousand polluted city stars and amidst the vivid greens of the Whitehouse garden that January night. Found it in the way Alex’s touch to Henry’s skin always felt like a cocktail of excitement and wanting and comfort. 

Henry’s found his forever with Alex and there’s no doubt in any nook or crevasse of his insides that they wouldn’t spend the rest of their lives knotted into one another. But the thought does feel like a bit of a noose clamping  around his heart— painful and terrifying with its intensity— when it makes the left pocket of his suit drag that bit heavier. The pocket where Henry tucked in a small velvet box with the wedding band his father had worn till his final breaths, the one that Henry’s resized in Alex’s measurement and bought a matching pair for himself. And it’s making his insides go this strange tingling feeling, standing here in the confluence of all he and Alexander are and all they have been and all they will be.

It’s not like he doesn’t want to ask, like he hasn’t wanted to ask Alex every minute of every day ever since his mother had given him the piece of jewelry six months ago with a thin smile and watery eyes. When she had asked him to help make their family full once more.

God, Henry wants to ask him, wants to get to call Alex his partner in every delightful sense of the word. And he even thinks Alex’ll say yes, is almost positive of it. Even if they end up with a longish engagement. That doesn’t matter to Henry, it’s the promise of the whole ordeal, the promise of wanting to spend forever tangled into each other’s arms. But for all of Henry’s talent with a keyboard and his knack for syntax and his naturally developed mind that’s always been able to fold words into one another to read like a stream of thought. He’s not nearly as well versed with his tongue, with his spoken syllables pouring out his mouth in a coherent, tender sort of way the first time around. And Alex deserves that, deserves the whole damn experience of it. He deserves pink flamingos and double rainbows and a big band playing the first song they kissed to while they stood in the center of fairy lights with a crowd crooning and crowing in the background.

Alex deserves it all and Henry doesn’t know how to give him any of it, but God he wishes he could.

“We look like a pair of stallions if I do say so myself Henryson,” Alex says, pulling Henry out of his romantic daydreams, and pinning him with a smile as bright as the bloody sun.

Gingerly, Henry reaches his arm out and twirls a finger into one of his curls, tugging slightly. “I suppose you’re decent. Perhaps Zahra won’t skewer you on her big night.”

“Hmm,” Alex smirks, saddling closer up to him, hips brushing against hips as he locks each of his hands on either end of Henry and dimples up at him, affecting that mischievous air that Henry’s always been weak for. “And tell me sweetheart, would you protect me if she harmed one little  hair on my perfect head?”

Henry exhales amusedly from his nostril, bending his head forwards to press against Alex’s own, and dragging his thumb across his plump bottom lip. “Dunno, I reckon you might’ve deserved it. You do have a cheeky mouth after all love. And your hands are a bit of a hazard.”

Alex leers right then, glittering with intent. “I bet you’d like to see what my hands could do to you.” He counters, sliding his palm to the front of Henry’s already pitched trousers, and as much as he does crave the silent offer, he suddenly gets the awful thought of Alex finding the weighted pocket and the ring embedded there, and no. Absolutely not! Henry will not propose to the love of his life in the middle of a sodding bathroom while in the midst of getting a handy!

In a flash, Henry’s moved so Alex is crowded against the shut doorway— the music louder here and clouding Henry’s mind slightly as he dips down to crash his lips against Alex’s own. Admittedly, it’s not their smoothest snog, more like a cacophony of spit and lips and teeth, but it still makes his every nerve endings go ablaze and his toes curl and his ruddy heart pulse unevenly. And Henry reckons that it’s just a side effect of merely being in the presence of Alex like this, full of intent.

Unlatching himself from Alex, Henry moves to mouth against his neck, tasting his skin that’s a bit soured by the endless cologne but pleasant enough if only Henry knows that its Alex’s supple skin beneath his grazing lips. 

“Ooo,” Alex pants out breathily, canting closer eagerly, and hands fisted in Henry’s curls. “Yeah, mmm. I like this too.”

Henry smirks to himself, snorting at him as he slowly moves apart so that there foreheads are touching once more. “You reckon you can stay quiet for me?” He asks lowly, pressing a none too delicate finger down his clothed chest before landing at the front of his trousers, and begins to circle the hardness growing there.

“Why?” Alex asks, dark eyes glinting and lips quirked into a cocky sort of grin. “You think you’re good enough to make me loud Henryson?”

The growl caught in Henry’s throat takes them both off guard, but it also makes Alex beam with pure mirth, so Henry only kisses him once more— hard and rushed and greedy— before he twists him around without warning and begins to kiss across the nape of his neck and the breath of his broad shoulders, stopped intermittently by a lapping tongue or tender teeth— as Henry also palms Alex’s front, unbuttoning his suit jacket to tossing it to the countertop, quickly moving to unbutton Alex’s shirt too, so Henry can drag a hand through his very hard, very naked skin, nipples pebbling under his ministrations, before he gingerly— methodically— undoes Alex’s trousers, falling along with his pants to the ground and shackling his ankles in place.

“I reckon I can, but I also need you to be quiet about it lest the others get concerned over your mewling,” Henry whispers, lecherous against Alex’s ear as the hand not playing with Alex’s nipple, grips his now fully hardened dick, pumping only slightly as he thumbs at the leaking seam. 

“Humph, I don’t— Oh. I don’t mewl!” Alex grumbles out, trying to rock his hips to get some friction going but instead getting increasingly redder with frustration at Henry’s unyielding wrist.

“Oh? You don’t?” Henry asks with a smug sort of grin as he quickly squeezes harder around his shaft, twisting and pumping,  making the other boy toss back his head, turning it so that his small yelp is muffled by Henry’s neck.

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe later tonight, but for now if you don’t mind putting your hands against the door while I grab the lube?”

Alex glares at him with an air of absolute irritation, but agrees anyhow, kissing him deftly before pressing his hands against the door, bent slightly so that his naked arse is out for show, clenching and relaxing in a sort of sensual rhythm with anticipation. And Henry smiles at the lovely sight of it as he shuffles through the drawer they had tucked away their essentials the first day of coming back to DC for the wedding. He plucks out the jar of lubricant from the mess of other tools and a few toys, idly thinks of popping out the plug to tease but decides against it. He wants to feel Alexander, wants to really be inside of him.

“You are such a slow fucker Henry!” Alex barks from over his shoulder, still poised for a good shagging.

Henry snickers, flicking Alex’s nose endearingly before shedding off his own jacket and undoing his trousers. “Oi, I’ll show you slow.” He goads, rubbing a good amount of the clear liquid into his palm before he takes his own cock in hand and strokes leisurely, reasons he could really just come from the sight of Alex waiting for him, perfect and precocious and panting. Though it’s not much of a punishing considering that Alex’s pupils only grow that bit larger and his cheeks flush in a familiar, wanton way.

Henry smirks. “You’re enjoying yourself?”

“You’re fucking hot,” Alex sputters. “How can I not?”

Henry bites down on his bottom lip so not to appear too pleased at the retort, but he also can’t stay away from Alex for much longer, and just saddles up behind him, cloaking his fingers up with the lube hurriedly.

“You ready love?”

“Have been ready you dickwad.” Alex snipes, shaking his arse again for good measure. Henry just grins,  bending down to nip at his shoulder in penance as a singular finger circles around Alex’s fluttering hole, before he just dips it into the entrance up to his first knuckle, making Alex moan. 

“Shh,” Henry reminds him, clapping a hand against his mouth pointedly. “I love hearing you dear, but I don’t think either of us want to suffer through the ribbing the others will dole out.”

Alex nods, face grimaced but still eager as he rocks backwards, making it so Henry gets up to his second knuckle before reasoning that it’s about time for a second finger. 

“Jesus, you’re gorgeous,” Henry breathes out, can’t prevent the wonder from seeping into his voice as he stretches Alex out, just barely pulling out for a third digit before Alex’s chest rumbles with a sound of exasperation. 

“Just go in already.”

“Oh? yeah? You think you can take it?”

Alex swallows down, hard, before nodding quickly. “Please Henry, you’ve been playing with me for like hours.”

“It’s barely been five minutes,” he says wryly, laughing when in turn Alex only sticks his tongue out fumingly. “Right, right, well I suppose we do have a prior engagement.”

“Yeah, course. We don’t wanna be late? Think about how gauche!”

Henry chuckles once more, rubbing a new coat of lubricant to his cock before lining up to Alex. “You’re just afraid that Zahra’ll have your head on a plate.”

“Please, sweetheart, for the love of God can we not bring other people into the conversation while you’re getting ready to fuck me?”

Henry concedes with an abashed quirk of the lips, takes Alex’s flagging erection in hand and strokes it once and sure before he slowly inches into him. And fuck, Henry will never not love the sensation of Alex, in all forms. On him, against him, inside of him, around him. Alex is the headiest sort of drug and Henry doesn’t think he’d ever survive a withdraw, that he can ever not crave him in all his variations of light.

Breathing in deeply, Henry finally bottoms out, practically collapses over Alex as he tries to re-acclimate  himself to the tight, throbbing heat of him. It’s so bloody miraculous. 

“H— Alex nearly whines, shaking himself a bit. “Move, will you?”

“Oh, right,” Henry musters back up his focus, sliding out of him only partially before slamming back inside, is always afraid of hurting Alex. But then Alex squeezes on the wrist where his hands are resting on either end of his hips, and squeezes, And that’s as clear of an instruction as he can give while staying hush, hush. So tossing all caution to the wind, Henry thrashes into him without abandon, pulling out nearly completely and then pounding back inside in a graceless, unforgiving pace, and it’s enough for Alex to leap on his toes, for him to squeeze his eyes shut while his head rolls back on Henry’s shoulder, for his hands to shake on their perch against the increasingly rattling door. And some idl part of Henry’s mind— the one that isn’t swallowed up entirely by Alex and all the sensations he sparks to life within Henry— prays to God above that their friends aren’t paying any mind to the shut bathroom entrance.

“Yes, yes, yes Henry.” Alex moans out,  losing his footing when Henry pushes in that bit harder, that bit deeper, targeting exactly that nest of nerves within him, and he quickens his pumping of Alex’s dick, feeling buoyed when Alex comes without warning. Hot, white liquid pulsing out of him in a pulsing stream, and making it so Alex can only lie boneless against the doorway. And it doesn’t take Henry long to follow, an arm slung tightly  around Alex’s waste as he thrashes forwards, lost in the entirety of him, kissing the nudges of his spine as he catches for his release, nudged on by the pulsing and slickness and it’s just once more before Henry is coming also,  hurriedly pulling out as his own spunk spills across the expanse of Alex’s back and arse and the tops of his thighs. Henry stares at the picture of it with reverent eyes as he leans against the sink, breathing heavily.

“God, we are good at that.”

“Tell me about it,” Alex says, face flushed an absolutely glowing as he rummages for a couple hand towels, and then seemingly thinking better as he glances at them, and then his and Henry’s messy states.

“Second shower?”

Henry nods, “Think we ought to.”

“Right, well you wash me first because I think i’ll need like another ten minutes before I can move any extremities.”

Henry laughs and tugs him close for a quick kiss. God he loves him so much.

.-

The grandiose, Willard ballroom is dressed in ornate decorations and filled with sharply clad folks who are some of the top tear heads of Western politics, though for the most part they’re drown out by the familiar faces of Shaan’s family, and even more that either share Zahra’s nose or the shape of her eyes. It’s beautiful in its discrete, demure nature and it makes Henry’s heart flutter. He only wishes he had a decent sodding poker face because right then Beatrice, in all her smug glory, saddles up to him, and leers.

“You thinking about that wedding journal you had as a lad.”

Henry glares, fuming. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Your theme was red with golden accents wasn’t it?”

“Did I ever tell you that you were adopted.”

“You even had all these cute little sample cards for the invitations.”

“We found you in an alien species of barmy bints.” Henry continues to growl.

Beatrice laughs raucously, tossing back her chestnut curls and pinching his cheek like the doting older sister she’s always been. “You’re precious when you get all cross.”

“I hate you.”

“Nah, you really don’t,” she says loftily. “Now c’mon, Alex and Nora are trying to steal some flowers from the bouquet before Zahra notices, and we’re s’pose to be distracting the newly weds.”

Henry rolls his eyes long sufferingly. “We’re dating absolute lunatics, you do know that, right?”

Beatrice smiles— resigned— and hooks her arm through Henry’s own. “I know, we’re truly a mess.”

.-

If there was ever the picture of a glowing bride— beautiful and bright and breathtaking— Zahra would be the epitome of it. Her curls are pulled back into an elegant bun and her lovely features are only accentuated by the makeup rather than obscured by it, and she hasn’t let loose of Shaan’s hand for the whole reception. It brings a pang to Henry’s heart, not envy per se, but longing. Longing for what they have, for the pure, unadulterated simplicity of it. And it’s only settled when he thinks of Alex, knows that he has that precise kind of relationship with him. And God, he’s never wanted to show it off more.

“You guys having fun,” Shaan asks, pecking a kiss to Beatrice’s cheek and slinging an arm around Henry’s shoulder.

“’s a beautiful night,” Henry tells them, his voice vibrant and his heart full.

“Thank you sweets,” Zahra preens, brushing back the curls from his forehead and eyeing him speculatively when her fingers come back wet.

“Erm— Don’t ask?”

Zahra looks only mildly alarmed but fully understanding, humor twinkling in her dark eyes. “Ah, well then, speaking of which. You two mind informing your better halves that they aren’t slick, and they’re only lucky I put a decoy in the place of the real bouquet instead of actually punishing them.”

Laughter bubbles out of the foursome and Henry isn’t at all surprised that she’s always two steps ahead.

“Bloody hell, I told those dunces that they could never pull one over on you!” Beatrice groans, arms crossed and weight slung to her left hip. “But do they listen? No of course not.”

“We should probably tell them that they need to wait in line for the bouquet toss like the rest of us, yeah?” Henry asks her, smiling pleasantly at a new couple that’s meandered over to shake hands with the bride and groom.

“Oh no, let them deal with it on their own, we, my lovely little brother, will be drinking to forget.”

“How very British of us.” Henry snorts wryly. 

“Never said I wasn’t predictable,” she retorts, grabbing his wrist and carting him off to the open bar.

.-

It’s an hour later that finds a very disgruntled looking Alex saddling up to Henry with a very prominent frown, his hair covered with wayward petals that Pez has been tossing around without abandon for practically the entirety of the night. The venue’s dwindled down so that it’s only Zahra’s and Shaan’s nearest and dearest that are left. From the table’s he’s sat at Henry can see his mother holding a conversation with Luna and Leo that’s filled with laughter, and he sees June with her father trying to set up a new playlist to the speakers once the live performers had left. He can also spot Ellen and Zahra giggling like school girls while Shaan nods along, and kisses his now wife’s hand intermittently between the smiles he tosses Nora and Beatrice who are starting a ridiculous dance with a few others to the tune of the Peter Gabriel song playing out. 

It feels like the room has been  bathed in a sort of serenity that makes something warm and remarkable unfurl in Henry’s gut. An ambiance of love and nurture cradling them all together.

“You could’ve told us it was a ploy you dick.” Alex harrumphs for the umpteenth time in the past ten minutes.

“You should’ve known yourself,” Henry toots, a little too busy musing on how Alex’s long lashes kiss the tops of his cheekbones every time he blinks and how beautiful he looks in the moonlight shimmering through the wide partitions.

“How did she make it so they stung! That’s all I ask you!”

Henry smiles indulgently, moves forwards to kiss the hinge of Alex’s jaw to console him. “She’s a evil genius love, don’t let it upset you.”

Alex sniffs, still sulking but already beginning to relax his muscles. “Yeah, whatever, at least Pez caught it instead some random fuck.”

“He is happy with himself, it’s cute. Innit?” Henry says, flickering his eyes over to where his best friend's dragging a giggling June off to the dance floor.

“Mmm, yeah.” Alex says, tucking closer to Henry’s side. “Makes you think, doesn’t it?”

Henry pulls back, pinning him with a one eyed squint. “What do you mean?”

“You know,” Alex shuffles in his seat, cheeks flushed and eyes downcast. “The whole thing. Like it makes you think of the future and all of that crap.”

Henry swallows down the lump in his throat, feeling suddenly dazed. “Yeah, yeah it does.”

Alex looks up, smiling thinly. “So what? You want something like this? With the flowers and music and you in a white dress.”

Henry glares now, flicking Alex’s nose. “Oi, who said I’m the one in the dress?”

“Well sweetheart, you do have the legs for it,” Alex croons smugly, kissing the corner of Henry’s mouth tenderly and laughing when Henry begins to prod at his side.

“You’re an arse.”

“But you still do,” Alex asks. “Think about it I mean?”

Henry breathes out, caressing Alex’s cheek to try and infuse all the love and adoration he feels for him in that single touch. “I think about it every bloody day Alexander, I want you for forever.”

Alex’s shy grin transforms to it’s ordinary, megawatt brilliance, and he kisses him right on the mouth with fervor. “God I love you.”

The knot in Henry’s chest loosens, and it suddenly feels like he can breathe again, like the love he feels for Alexander isn’t drowning him with its intensity but coaxing him into wakefulness, into feeling alive for the first time in a long time. 

“I’ve got a ring,” he admits, speaking against Alex’s lips, and tugging him closer.

Alex pulls back a bit, brows hiked and gaze alight. “Oh yeah?”

“yeah, yeah I do. But I reckon if I propose to you in the middle of Zahra’s wedding she’d poach my head to a stake.”

Alex snorts. “You’re not wrong. But lucky us we’ve got a whole hotel filled with empty rooms.” 

Alex smirks wickedly and Henry feels his insides go abuzz. “Let’s go.”

And when Alex twines their fingers together, pulling him up and kissing him softly before they can rent out a room, Henry suddenly feels so very light.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Rainbow

Prompt: have you ever heard the song rainbow by dodie? i just heard it for the first time and i cant think of anything except how much it makes me think of poor bb Merlin. if you're interested could you maybe write a little fic based on it or something? it basically just makes me think about how Merlin would feel the first time Arthur and the knights compliment him on his magic, which is something he's been so conditioned to hate and think is monstrous his whole life (':

Thank you for the prompt, babe!

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none!

Pairings: merthur, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 2709

Merlin is magic.

The world doesn't like magic.

...does it?

The first time he sees Percival smile at him, he almost drops his bag.

 He’d barged into the armory, rubbed the wrong way from Arthur’s jests that had hit a little too close to home. Sure, in a few hours the prat would act like nothing was wrong or give Merlin some sort of soft look that would be an unspoken apology, but right now, he’s angry.

 Merlin angry is never a good thing, but it’s even less of a good thing when he’s got no one to talk to. His magic tends to…protest. A little. He’s gotten a pretty good handle on it over the years, but he’s not perfect.

 So when he swings open the door and the wooden boards decide now is the time to careen into a rack of swords, he barely glares in their direction before they freeze and sheepishly retreat back to their previous positions. He huffs and sets about getting the gloves mended.

 “Wish you could do that to the others.”

 He doesn’t want to say he jumps, because his feet never actually leave the ground, but…

 Percival isn’t paying attention to him. He just looks at the rack of swords, perfectly pristine, as if nothing ever happened. He turns to Merlin.

 “Can you do that all the time?”

 “Uh—technically, yes?”

 Percival’s face splits into a grin so wide Merlin would be worried if he didn’t know that spark behind Percival’s eyes. He echoes it warily.

 “You’re quite the man,” he says instead, clapping Merlin once on the shoulder as he leaves, “and I am honored to bear witness to it.”

 …see now normally Gwaine’s the one for flowery compliments, so coming from Percival…

 Merlin shakes it off and gets back to work. But if his face is turning up into a smile rather than the glower he’d been wearing, well, that’s just good for his worry lines.

 The first time Elyan claps him on the shoulder and says he should learn a thing or two about magic from him, Merlin stares at him like his eyes have sprouted into stalks.

 “I mean,” Elyan says as he gestures to the part of his side that’s still tingling with Merlin’s magic, “if you can make it so I don’t need stitches ever again, I’d better start paying attention, hmm?”

 Merlin blinks, still wondering whether there’s an infection settling in that would explain why Elyan is complimenting his magic. “…you could always talk to Gaius.”

 Elyan waves his hand. “I’ve gotten the battle healer speech more times than I can count, and I’ve no interest in becoming a court physician.”

 “Then you’re out of options.”

 “If you’re expecting me to believe Gaius doesn’t know anything about healing magic, I’m not going to believe you.”

 “I never said he didn’t.”

 Elyan fixes him with a look. “I could always ask you.”

 “But I learned from Gaius.”

 “Then I’ll talk to Gaius about healing magic.”

 “You shouldn’t,” Merlin blurts, “you shouldn’t talk to Gaius.”

 Elyan tilts his head. “But you just said you learned it from Gaius.”

 “I did, but—“

 “...but?”

 Merlin’s mouth opens and closes like a fish. Elyan just lies there, on the ground, as the others bicker about who’s looting what bandit. Children, honestly.

 But he can’t let them know Gaius is involved. Gaius has tried so hard to absolve himself of magic, to leave it in the past, to—to hide his magic. Told Merlin to hide it too.

 “Merlin?” Is that Elyan? “Merlin? What’s happening?”

 Merlin blinks. “What?”

 “You went away for a moment there.” Elyan frowns. “Are you alright?”

 “Yes! Yes, I’m fine, you’re the one who got shot.”

 He runs a hand over his side. “Doesn’t feel like it anymore, not thanks to you.”

 The knight gets to his feet, adjusting his tunic and armor. He smiles, reaching down to offer Merlin a hand up. Merlin takes it, still dazed.

 “We can speak about this later,” he says, “but I would like to learn from you.”

 “From m-me?”

 “Yes, Merlin, from you.”

 With that, Elyan disappears behind him. A few seconds later, he can hear him shouting with Gwaine. Merlin’s still frozen, looking down at his hands. Are they—huh.

 If he doesn’t bother to hide the golden curl of sparks around his irises the next time, well, it’s just that he wants to be sure Elyan knows exactly what the magic is.

 The first time Lancelot asks him what his favorite spell is, he drags the man into a secluded corner of the palace and hisses at him.

 “What is your problem?”

 “Easy,” Lancelot soothes, holding his hands up and letting Merlin fist his tunic, “I meant no offense.”

 “Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?”

 “What? Asking you what your favorite sp—“

 “Shut up,” Merlin growls, his hand flattening over Lancelot’s mouth, glancing around frantically, “someone could hear you.”

 A weathered hand covers his and he lets Lancelot guide his hand away, still glowering. The knight just raises his eyebrows.

 “Is it an offense to all the others that you know to pick a favorite?”

 “What? No, that’s not—they don’t care, it’s not like they’re sentient.”

 “Then forgive me—“ and how is Merlin supposed to stay angry when Lancelot smiles like that—“but I do not see the problem.”

 “You can’t just talk about magic like that,” Merlin whispers angrily, “not out in the open.”

 “Merlin, in the time that I’ve known you, you’ve done magic more brazenly than I just spoke of it.”

 “That’s different!”

 “On multiple occasions,” he continues, still smiling, “you’ve done it in front of people that would happily have seen you killed for it.”

 “Hence why I don’t really want it being spoken about!”

 Something seems to flicker across Lancelot’s face and he steps forward, gently taking Merlin by the elbows. “Merlin,” he says softly, “none of those people are here.”

 “You don’t know that.”

 “I do,” the knight corrects softly, that blasted smile still in place, “I do know that because Arthur has rooted them all out. And I’ve helped.”

 “You’ve—“ Merlin blinks in surprise— “you’ve what?”

 “There is no member of court that openly despises magic,” Lancelot insists, “and none that would dare harm a single hair on your head.”

 Merlin’s fear fizzles and spurts in his chest, soothed in part by Lancelot’s grip. He swallows heavily, letting his head drop. It meets Lancelot’s sternum with a gentle thud.

 “Sorry.”

 “Don’t apologize,” Lancelot says immediately, his chest rumbling against Merlin’s forehead, “you’ve done nothing wrong. If anything it is I who must apologize.”

 “No, it’s okay.” Merlin takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

 “So?”

 “So?”

 “What’s your favorite spell?”

 Merlin glances around them. There’s a window overlooking the training field not too far. Tugging Lancelot along by his sleeve, he peers outside. No one.

 “Let’s go.”

 “Oh, we need to be outside?”

 “It’ll be less suspicious.”

 If Lancelot has any issue with it, he keeps it to himself. Instead he just chuckles and lets Merlin pull him outside like an anxious toddler. He lifts a hand to block the sun from his eyes as he watches Merlin wring his hands.

 “You needn’t show me if you don’t want to.”

 “No, no, it’s fine, I just…” he takes a deep breath, “I haven’t cast this in a while.”

 He cups his hands around his mouth and murmurs softly. As he parts them, a swarm of vibrant blue butterflies fills the air around them, fluttering up from the safety of his palms. A soft smile crosses his face as he watches them fly up into the golden sun.

 “Miraculous,” he hears Lancelot murmur distantly, still caught up in the swirl of wings, “truly miraculous.”

 If Merlin lets one of the butterflies linger on Lancelot’s shoulder for a little longer, well, he’s just apologizing for dragging the man into this with him.

 The first time Gwaine calls him beautiful, he laughs.

 To say that Gwaine is a flirt is perhaps the greatest understatement in Camelot other than Kilgarrah isn’t concise.

 Seriously. He doesn’t begrudge the dragon his fun—being locked and chained in a cave under Uther Pendragon is enough to drive anyone insane with boredom—but come on.

 Anyway. Merlin’s turning away from Gwaine, dismissing the man as drunk again, only for there to be a gentle hand on his elbow turning him back.

 “I heard you the first time, Gwaine.”

 “And you laughed like you didn’t believe me.”

 “Because you’re—“

 Merlin’s eyes land on Gwaine’s and he pauses. Gwaine’s eyes are clear. Not dazed or fogged by spirits in the slightest. His mouth isn’t lolling to the side, bared in some audacious smirk, it’s not even smiling.

 Instead, Gwaine looks the most serious Merlin’s ever seen him, bar the time he got stabbed and Gwaine pressed down on his stomach like a man possessed. It makes him want to laugh again, break the tension, get Gwaine back to his normal flirty self. But his laugh comes out choked and awkward and Gwaine still hasn’t blinked.

 “If you’re looking for a warm body,” he tries instead, “try somewhere else.”

 “I’m not, Merlin,” Gwaine says with a seriousness that makes Merlin wobble. “Nor am I joking.”

 “I’m not beautiful, Gwaine.”

 “Why not?” Gwaine looks him up and down. “Because you don’t think you are or because some nitwits told you you’re not?”

 “…both?”

 “You’re wrong,” Gwaine says softly, “you’re both wrong.”

 Merlin just huffs and makes to turn away again. Gwaine stops him, standing slowly.

 “Why don’t you want to hear this?”

 “Because I don’t know what you want, Gwaine. And you should know you don’t have to ply me to get me to give you what you want.”

 “What if I don’t want anything?” Gwaine won’t let go of him. “What are you running from?”

 Merlin sighs. He lets his head hang and sets the jug on the table next to him.

 “I’m not—Gwaine, what…why?”

 “Because no one’s ever told you, Merlin,” the knight says, finally smiling as he runs his thumb along the sleeve of Merlin’s tunic, “and you deserve to hear it.”

 Merlin swallows heavily. “What makes you think I’m beautiful?”

 “Not to sound too brash—“

 “Since when have you cared about sounding brash?”

 He accepts the jibe with a nod, still smiling incredulously. “—but have you ever seen yourself when you do magic?”

 Merlin’s cheeks burn.

 He knows what Gwaine’s talking about. Some young upstart on the training field decided to show off like a pigeon about to be plucked and launched an errant spear in Merlin’s direction. He barely lifted an eyebrow and it dodged to the side as he fixed the squire with a look that said ‘do that again and it’ll be your head.’

 The knights had talked about it for hours.

 “Gwaine, I—“

 “Merlin,” Gwaine says instead, “why do you think your magic isn’t beautiful?”

 Ah.

 Well.

 That’s an interesting question.

 One that Merlin would much rather never answer or hear again, thank you very much.

 Gwaine, unfortunately, is not going to let him get away with that.

 “Merlin,” the knight prods, “Merlin?”

 Merlin’s face twists into an awful grimace. Gwaine doesn’t falter, just waits patiently.

 “Because it’s magic,” Merlin spits eventually, “it’s not supposed to be.”

 “Most things that are beautiful aren’t supposed to be.”

 “But—“

 “And just because they aren’t supposed to be doesn’t mean they are,” he continues gently. “And I don’t like seeing you grimace every time someone mentions it.”

 Merlin blinks. “I what?”

 “You make a face,” Gwaine says, “whenever people mention your magic. Like you wish you could’ve hidden it better.”

 “Because most people want me to use my magic for—“

 He cuts himself off. He shouldn’t have said that. He should not have said that. Gwaine just gives him a gentle squeeze of encouragement.

 “People want my magic,” he says eventually, “not—not—“

 “Not you?”

 Merlin nods miserably.

 “Well,” the knight says quietly, “we do. We want you. Magic and all.”

 Merlin blinks. Why did—?

 Oh. Now Gwaine’s leaving. As the door shuts behind him, Merlin stands completely still, puzzling over the words still ringing in his head.

  Magic and all.

 Merlin is inseparable from his magic. He is magic. Anyone who wants his magic is going to get—

 Oh.

  Oh.

  ‘We want you. Magic and all.’

 Most people who want his magic don’t want the man attached to it. Or rather, they do, because they want the scapegoat of someone to blame when the magic finally pays off. And most people who want Merlin don’t want the magic. Because—because—

 But Gwaine said they do.

 If Merlin stands there for a few more minutes before casting a simple spell in front of a mirror for the first time, well, he just—he just wants to see.

 The first time Leon pulls him into a hug he cries.

 “Come,” the knight murmurs, opening his arms and letting the great red cape spread out behind him, “shed your tears, Merlin, it’s alright.”

 Merlin all but falls into the firm cradle of Leon’s embrace, letting the knight tuck his head into the ginger curls and cup the back of his neck. His breaths are coming in great shuddering gasps and it hurts, it hurts, his veins feel like they’re on fire.

 “Calm yourself, Merlin,” Leon says in a low, even voice, “it’s alright. You’re safe.”

 Merlin’s safe, because Merlin has magic, but Leon isn’t. Leon is just a knight—he’s never been just a knight, but he’s just a knight, and Merlin is fire and chaos and he will hurt him.

 “You won’t,” comes the steady reply when Merlin whimpers that he will, Leon has to run before he destroys him, “you wouldn’t hurt me, Merlin, not ever.”

 But I could, an awful voice whispers in his head, I could tear you apart, bit by bit, without even lifting a finger.

 Something clenches in his gut that sends it roiling. He pitches to the side and dry heaves, horrible bitterness coating the back of his tongue.

 “You’re alright,” Leon murmurs, still rubbing his back in slow, reassuring circles, “it’s alright, Merlin, everything’s alright.”

 “No—no—it’s not—“

 “Hush now, Merlin, don’t try and speak yet, just let this go.”

 The ball of hurt in Merlin’s stomach snaps and unsnaps, coiling and recoiling until he’s dizzy, leaning entirely on Leon. Leon, of course, doesn’t even flinch at having the weight of an entire man on him. Instead, he sweeps Merlin into his arms and carries him a little further, settling him on the ground and wrapping his cape protectively around the two of them.

 “It’s all gone—“ Merlin chokes— “I destroyed it, I destroy everything—“

 “That’s not true, Merlin,” Leon says softly, “you know it isn’t.”

 “I ruin everything!”

 “You don’t,” comes the reassurance, soft, steady, unwavering, “and you know you don’t. Everything is alright, Merlin, no one is hurt, nothing is the matter, just rest.”

 “I’m sorry,” he gasps out, unable to escape the blackness roiling in his chest, “I’m sorry I have magic.”

 Shame blossoms in the wake of his words, the tears following shortly after.

 Leon simply wipes them away with a gentle hand, soothing Merlin’s whispered apologies with every stroke.

 “Never apologize for being who you are, Merlin,” Leon says firmly, holding Merlin’s unflinching gaze, “the world would be all the lesser for it.”

 “P-promise?”

 It’s the plea of a child. A desperate, frightened, lonely child.

 If Merlin refuses to let go of Leon for the next few hours after Leon promises, well, that’s his business, not yours.

 The first time Arthur tells him that he loves him, Merlin smiles as he tells him he loves him back.

[floatinginwords]

Saved by the Devil (10/?) - Tommy Shelby

Summary: You spend a little time with Tommy (Again sorry about my summaries i suck at them)

Paring: Tommy Shelby x Fem!reader (not romantic..but we are getting there slowly but surely) 

A/n: Hi everyone. this chapter maybe a bit shorter than what i usually write and i didnt proof read this one so apologizes for that. This semester is just annoying. Too much going on for stupid online courses. Anyway this chapter is bit more in Tommys p.o.v, i mean we get a bit of readers in the end but yea...if you dont like that tell me or if you do tell me. If you guys have any questions or anything like that just tell me. And of course and always have a lovely day. 

Thomas Shelby leads you to a little apartment near his office. He knew he could have driven you to the train station, given you some fare as you went on your way. He could have driven you to London. Hell, he could have paid someone to do it. But there was part of him deep down within that didn’t want you to go yet. It was a surprise for him to see you in the office. He hadn’t been avoiding you, things were just getting hectic around with the business. And with the constant pressure from the inspector and the sudden charges on Arthur and Michael, his focus needed to be sharp. And then he exits his office and see you standing with Lizzie, Polly, and Esme. For the first since he’s known you, he actually detected a little bit of nervousness from you.

At first he didn’t understand why you wanted to help in his little plan. It didn’t make sense for you to put yourself in harms way with all the shit you’ve already been through. He notices that when he asks about your father the way you tense up. He doesn’t know why he asks, its something he rather not talk about either. But it was a question that bothered him for awhile. He could of asked your father, in that last meeting when…

Thomas shakes his head from his thoughts turning to look at you who seemed just as dazed and muddled in their own thoughts. You were definitely an enigma to him. He doesn’t even remember what he said to make you laugh. All he remembers is that he did.

To him you laugh was like a canary singing a song of hope in the middle of brutal winter. Thomas doesn’t think he ever heard a sound so sweet. He feels his lips stretch into a smile, something that felt foreign on his face. It was definitely something he hadn’t done in awhile. So as he walks you to his place, keeping a gentle hand on your elbow to keep your balance. He couldn’t help but to think to himself ‘how can I hear that sound again?’

So he leads you in the apartment, setting you down on his couch. You flop down like a child and he cant help but be amused at your drunken state.

 “Mr.Shelby, I believe I drank too much.” You hiccup.

 “Thats alright,” Thomas says, “Listen you can rest here and we’ll talk more in the morning.” He doesn’t really want to end the night yet but he can see the fatigue in your face.

 You shake you head at him, “We can talk now. I don’t sleep very much.” You don’t look into his eyes as you speak which he finds odd. A detail he’s always noticed was the eye contact you gave. He couldn’t tell what you were searching but he appreciated it, not many people could look him in the eye.

Hes suddenly reminded of a conversation you had awhile ago. When you had bluntly asked him your father was dead. He had expected you to say nothing for that entire ride. But you didn’t. He remembers your question.

“Do your nightmares ever stay with you longer that you would like?”

He had answered honestly. The nightmares often lingered around him for days sometimes weeks. It wasn’t often he got a good nights sleep. He could see the sleep in your eyes wanting to take over. You were fighting it though quite easily like you’ve done it before.  He didn’t want to be overstepping any line and he also didn’t want to seem creepy remembering a conversation, a small detail from weeks ago. He wasn’t sure at all how you’d react to it. So he decided to say nothing, wait for you to take the lead. Which you did, mostly because your mouth seemed to have a mind of its own sometimes.

 “You get nightmares too Mr. Shelby, I remember you agreeing with me this one time…”You trail off slurring your word, “Sometimes they can be so much…”

 “What do you dream about?” He asks.

 You don’t answer. Thomas doesn’t pressure you for answer, you look to be searching for one. Your mouth open and eyes wandering around the room. But you give no answer.

 Thomas decides to speak, lighting a cigarette as he does, “I dream about France sometimes.” The answer surprise him. Hes not one for opening up.

 You don’t say anything so he continues, “I can hear the shovels at night. That’s when their the loudest.” He blows the smoke as he talks.

“I sometimes dream of the hospital…they didn’t exactly treat me great there. Sometimes its my father…” You say the word ‘father’ quietly as if it was like a little curse falling off your lips.

 Thomas wants to ask you what that man had done to you, why it seemed you feared and hated him so much. He wished he asked you in that first meeting with you. When he promised to kill him for you…..he knew then it was something you wanted, he didn’t know how badly…maybe if he had known he would have done things differently.

 “Sometime he’s not even doing anything…he’s just watching me. And smiling,” You say pulling him away from his thoughts, “It takes a moment for me to realize he’s not there. He’s not watching.” You stop talking suddenly, certainly not meaning to get that honest.

 Thomas clenches his jaw, “well it’s a good thing hes not around anymore.”

 You look up at him for the first time the whole night, meeting his eyes. Your stare sends shivers up his arms.

 “Right…” you trail off, looking uncertain. “Mr Shelby I-“

 “You know,” He cuts you off wanting to change the subject, “I don’t think this is very business like.”

“Excuse me.” You blink confused with the sudden statement.

 “I mean you won’t’ call me by my name because this is business but here you are at my place, drunk, talking to me about stuff that not business.”

 You scoff at him. “Are you really that bothered by it?” you tease

 “I just think in settings like this, you can let go a little bit.”

 “I think you should get used to disappointment, Mr.Shelby.” You emphasize his name a bit.

 “You must admit that we aren’t doing anything related to business.”

 “Then what would you call it?” You challenge.

 And he didn’t know what to call it. But he just felt more. Maybe it was friendship. He definitely enjoyed your company. He wasn’t afraid to admit that to himself. Hes reminded of the feelings of when you got hurt at the horse auction and went missing those three days. He didn’t want to admit that there was apart of him that cared for you. That part has been locked away ever since Grace. He had trusted her and loved her. And then she betrayed him. And there was just a part of him that just didn’t want to go through that again.

“Are you okay,” you ask, “you went quiet for a minute.”

 “ Yea just thinking.”

 “Do you wanna keep talking?” you say shyly.

 And he couldn’t say no to you. That night the two of you spend you time just talking. It’s the first time Tommy’s ever done something like that. Take a woman home and not bed her. He wasn’t thinking about doing that with you but it had dawned on him later that small fact. You listened to his stories about his family. You were an only child and had no stories nearly s fun as his. You tell him you wish you grew up in a big family. You list all the places you wanted to travel to and he watches you ramble about them. The two of you laugh and smile. Both feeling lighter in each others presence. He can see you loosening up a bit and he just wonders what your like when you aren’t fully on guard. He can fee himself doing the same. He doesn’t mind but he knews that hes going to berate himself later. Hours pass and You both fall asleep on the couch, neither of you remembering what the other was talking about as you do. It was the first time in a long time that either of you had fallen asleep peacefully.

 You wake up first, feeling an awful pudding within your head. Why was it that you never could know your limit. You attempt to get up when you sense an arm around you. A unwelcomed flutter of butterflies erupt in your stomach as you realize who the arm belongs to.

 ‘Fuck’ you think to yourself trying to untangle yourself from his arm, trying to understand how you even got roped up in him.

 Successfully you manage to unwrap your self from him, the warmth of his body leaving your side making you feel cold. You’re tempted to roll back but think against it. You stretch up from the couch and walk around the apartment quietly. It wasn’t very big. The living room connected to the kitchen. And his room connected to the bathroom. You wonder around trying to wake your creaky bones. You see a bundle of letters on his, dresser with very neat and lovely writing, addressed to him. You see a pipe beside his bed and pick it up wondering if he used this on himself last night. You walk backwards trying to take it all in. He didnt have much. A few pictures of him and his siblings. And that woman from before. The older one who gave you chills with her stare. Pol-polly you think her name was. You continue walking backward before bumping into his dresser. The letters falling down. You bend down picking them up not without looking more closely at the beautiful stationary. You see at corner of the envelope

From Grace

 For a minute  you’re really disappointed. And you don’t know why. And then the pieces fall together. When you remember Mr.shelbys horses name, “Graces secret,” And when Ada told you ‘he had someone last year.” You don’t know why you feel uncomfortable all of a sudden. You don’t feel right hanging around his apartment. Unless their not together? Wait why do you even care? You neatly stack the envelopes back to their place and calmly walk away, needing to distract yourself from the sudden intrusion of thoughts you would very much like to get rid of.

 You pass by Thomas sleeping body. You pause to look at him. Admiring the way his feature seem to soften up as he slept. You almost compare him to an angel. A knock on the door alerts you as you sit up straight. Thomas shoots up in a panic. He looks at you confused before getting up.

 “How long have you been up?” he asks you, heading for the door.

 You don’t answer. Watching him go to get the door. A small boy is behind the door, you cant hear what either of them say as they talk in hushed voices.

 “(y/n),,” he calls you over, “my brother finn here is gonna lead you to the garrison I have a meeting I have to attend to.” He says not leaving you any room to argue to deny his request as he grabs his jacket and locks the door before the two of you.

 “Ill be back soon, try not to run into trouble.” He says.

 You nod and go your separate ways, following the young boy through the streets of Birmingham.

Read pt.11

Tags

@babylooneytoonz @captivatedbycillianmurphy @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @evelyn-4034  @ms-dont-care @owenniasstars

[prettieparker86]

The Ghost of You is Close to Me

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warning: Sadness? set pre-WWI

Note: I’ve been trying to find my writer’s voice again. It’s felt lost and so far away from me. I still don’t feel it’s back per say. My previous characters still feel foreign to me. But when I feel the urge to write now, I try to listen. Not quite sure what this is. Watched a WWI movie the other night and this sort of rushed out of me like a flood, so I let it pour. For this I really tried to imagine what Tommy was like before the war based on the little pieces we've gotten from the show. And I wanted to explore the idea that she sensed he'd never come back, which in a way he didn't. His body did, but not the Tommy from before.

I’m not super well versed in the Romani culture and what knowledge I gained in the past feels mostly lost, I apologize. I was trying to find the word for horse, Grast was the closest I could. As with cozonac. I’m not sure if it’s really a traditional food. My research said it was. I’m trying my best. My intention is not to offend. Feedback is always appreciated. Thanks

Don’t know what I’m suppose to do, haunted by the ghost of you.

It only takes the sight of him to send you running. As fast as your horse can take you, holding tight to the notion that as long as you never stop running then he never leaves. You hide away to the place you would always run to as children. Back when Tommy's mum would drag the whole Shelby brood up into the hills, running away from her pitiful life in the city and Arthur Sr.

Its a grove of trees overlooking a deep fertile valley, the spot where you use to steal away as children. Long before you knew adults could run away from their grief as easily as little ones, and there was no mistaking it, you were running. You secure your horse to a tree branch where she can nibble away on the overgrown grass encircling the base of trunk, and settled atop a rock that's yours as much as it is the earth's. A rock that has only grown smaller over the years as you've grown bigger. Your family comes to this hills nearly every spring. As a child it never seemed different, now all you see is the changes.

Everything changes, this you know, but you swear if you just sit there long enough this change won't find you. It wont be so. Tommy wont leave. You're oldest companion. Your dearest friend. Gazing out at the valley blanketed in a tapestry of green hues, shadow and light, as the overcast sky moves above you - you tell yourself he isn't leaving. Even though the steady ache in your heart makes it feel like he's already gone. You miss him, before he's even left. You miss him... The words echo through you in shuddered vibrations that sting at your eyes, even worse at your heart, as a rogue tear manages to break free and make a run down your cheek before you briskly swipe at it.

You can't imagine him not being there. Being unreachable to you. You cant imagine not listening to Tommy's thoughts, his sparks of creativity, or the way he can make you laugh. You cant imagine him not being there. The hole he will leave, the one already opening up inside you feels unbearable, sickening, and you just want it to go away. Who will be there when you need someone most? Who will convince you things will turn out ok or you should keep fighting even when neither feel true? Who will know you? Who will see you? Really see you and genuinely care? You never felt you took his friendship for granted, never mistakenly felt there were others who could fill such big shoes, and yet now, as the chill of a breeze sweeps by you, sending goosebumps to prickle on the flesh of your arms, you wonder if you cherished that gift enough. You wonder if it meant the same to him and if he will miss you as deeply once you're gone.

You try not to think about it. You've been trying not to think about it since you received word Tommy had enlisted. You've kept yourself busy, both in mind and your hands. Filling the moments whenever he would start to creep in. But in the end its pointless. Because the more you try not to think of him, try not to miss him... The more you do. Its like trying to stop the rain by shaking your fist at the heavens. Futile and maddening. You see him when you're with the horses, whispering and enchanting them the way only his tongue and heart can do. You see him in the glow of a campfire where he'd often gets lost in his thoughts, scribbling them down or creating a loose sketch. You see him in the charming smirk of a young man, or a joke he once told you. He's everywhere. Inside you. A part of you. And denying that never made it less true.

And the thought of living without him feels terribly sad and lonely in a way your heart feels pathetic to admit and yet hopeless to reconcile. It isn't any place you want to be and yet you also have the sense to understand you have no say in that. You feel immersed in the overwhelming ache of your heart, the one that's been plaguing you for days now, when you suddenly hear the stir of your horse behind you. You glance back and watch as she pawns happily at the earth beneath her hoofs, snooting and pawing at the ground as Tommy appears nearby. She loves him. They all love him. You've often teased he's more horse than man and no one notices that more then the horses.

Tommy meets her joy with firm pats along her neck and gentles strokes to her mane and nose. "Hey girl" He greets.

Seeing him standing there both fills your heart with joy and deeper sorrow. Lean and strong, his hair tousled from his ride over, with those piercing sapphire eyes that cut you like a knife and see right through you at a glance. The sight of him like an old beloved quilt, comforting and well known, now tattered and tore as he rips from your life.

"Little bird", he says as your eyes meet. A name he gave you so long ago you cant even remember how it came to be.

"Grast", you answer back.

"How did you know I would be here?" You ask as you look away, not wanting him to see the turmoil brewing in your eyes the way you know he will.

Tommy shrugs easily, "Just knew." Just knew because he knows you, in a way most will never get to know you. Same way you trust in the way you know him and the ways he's shares himself with you.

When Tommy comes to sit beside you, it takes every ounce of willpower not to hug him desperately, beg him to change his mind, beg him not to go, but you don't, because you're sure it won't change anything.

"You heard," Tommy says, the grit of his breath stressing the weight of his words.

"You're a damn fool, Thomas Shelby. What did the crown ever do for us?"

He chuckles lightly to the fire on your breath, the bite in your words and you can see in his eyes he knows they only come from a place of love and concern for him.

"They need fighting men to win a war. " He tells you, as he pulls a cigarette from his breast pocket and strikes a match. Telling you things you both already know. As if it were that simple. As if the need for more men didn't come from the loss of the ones they have.

"Well then I oughta sign up. I can fight." You carry on as you snatch the cigarette hanging from his lip. Allowing yourself to feel the anger this situation ignites inside you, because anger feels far more powerful and safe than heartache and fear.

"ey, god help any man that stands between you and your cozonac." Tommy teases you, the crook of his mouth curling as he await your reprisal. Knowing your tales of blunder and greatest mishaps better then anyone. Your stories are his stories, your journeys connected.

You gasp in mock offense. "He would have eaten it all! Fistin’ it down like the whole roll was his!"

"A good stab of your fork put an end to that, didn' it?"

"He shouldn't have been so greedy." You feign defense and tug hotly at the cigarette, fighting back the smile pulling at the corners of your mouth to match Tommy's devilish grin. A battle you quickly lose as he elbows your side and snatches back his smoke before you jab him back. And just like that you aren't mad anymore. That's something only Tommy can do, make you laugh when you want to cry. Because he knows you... your dearest friend. The keeper of your secrets, biggest fears, and dreams. It's a gift to be known. An even bigger gift to be known and cherished for who you are. You never thought it wasn't, but you didn't realize how much you needed that gift until it was being taken away.

You both grow quiet against the steady decent of the sun at your backs. The low crinkle of burning paper fills and hovers in the space around you both as his cigarette burns down, subtle like the smoke dancing in swirls past his lips. Its the quiet moments that haunt you now. The hours and space he once filled in your life. The echoing loneliness that you know will only expand and grow in his absence. Those hours eat at you, devour you. Gnawing away until you feel raw and desperate to make them stop, because you swear you can't take another moment in that place. Only this time you know it wont stop. There will be no reprieve, no mercy, your best friend is leaving and you can't stop him. And when he's gone, this- This torturous way of existence, with its crawling of time, absence of joy, and echoing loneliness, it will fill the space his light once illuminated in your life. Like thick dark clouds rolling in over the backcountry hills to settle in around you and call you there home.

Tommy has his reasons, none more then Greta you suspect but you cant help but feel he's choosing the war over you, that he's abandoning you, as preposterous as you know that notion is. But there's nothing logical about missing someone. You can't reason it away with facts and rationality. And it doesn't care that it feels like it's killing some part of you. Nobody tells you missing someone is a physical sensation, a state of being above all else - like an empty or upset stomach, like a punch to the chest or falling off a horse that leaves you winded. It's not merely a thought and it's more than an emotion. You feel it in your bones, the tight hollows inside you, the vibrating ache of longing, the chill that settles in under your skin.

Sitting quietly side by side, you rest your head upon his shoulder. All the girls love Tommy, they always have. With his charming smile, deep set eyes that reach into the soul with a glance, and his devilish humor, its easy to see why so many would be drawn to him. And there was a time even you were too, but there was always too many things in the way and what you've built instead is deeper and more intimate because its not bound to the fickle confines of romance.

Closing your eyes, you can see it all so clearly in your mind. Replaying like a reel at the pictures... Wading in knee high murky pond water and reeds in search of frogs to catch. Covered in filth from head to toe as you battled on rain soaked mud hills with John to see who would be crowned king of the mountain. Sneaking off with mum's herbs and spices into the woods to craft witches brew and cast magic. Building campfires from dried old birch tree branches by the moonlight, to bathe in the scent of it, and tell old spine-chilling tales. Gazing up at the stars on warm summer night, seeing who could count the most. Lying awake late at night by candle light trying to read each other's mind. Hiding in the haystack to terrorize Arthur and any unlucky girl he tried to steal away with for a moment alone. Dragging you off to your first pub in Birmingham and knocking some bloke on his ass when he tried to get handsy. Trying to teach you to drive on slick muddy streets, as you swore at him like a sailor when he wouldn't stop laughing. The keeper of your deepest secrets as you are of his. The person who tried to offer you hope in your darkest moments and celebrated you greatest success. Who genuinely listened to you and sought out your thoughts on matters. The person you trusted most with the innerworkings of your heart and mind. The one you trusted would be there.

All of it feels like yesterday. The memories still fresh and vivid. The thought there wont be more to make constricts your windpipe, tightens your heart, as tears you couldn't possibly hold back any longer fill dangerously to the brim of your eyes... You don't know how to do this. You don't know how to live this. You don't know how to say goodbye to him. To let him go. Watch him disappear from your life. And the truth is... You don't wanna know. You don't want to say goodbye. And a part of you feels hurt this seems so easy for him, though you don't actually know it is. And the part of you that knows Tommy's heart, suspects it isn't so easy for him to say goodbye to you either.

The thought you might never speak to him again leaves a frantic feeling trying to rip free from your chest. How do you find peace when you long for someone still there but just beyond your reach, drifting further out to sea by the moment? How do you let them go when everything inside you screams to pull them back in? The tears feel warm as they fall down your chilled cheeks onto the shoulder of his jacket. He can't see your tears, but you swear he can feel them as he pats at your knee in an old comforting gesture you've grown to trust will be there. As Tommy pulls away, you fight with the urge to rapidly wipe away your tears and keep your pride. But as your eyes meet, you realize there's no room for pride here. Staring into his eyes you fear the silence that's already invading the space he holds.

But then he touches your face and you remember to breathe. Though his hands are rough from work, the pad of his thumb feels soft, full, and steady against your skin as he gently wipes away at the tears fallen on your face.

"I'm coming back." Tommy promises you, and you want to believe that more then you've ever wanted to believe in anything. That he will return to you. But you've heard the news of the war, the dyer news that continues to abound. And something deep and sharp within you whispers it isn't true. He isn't coming back, and that quiet piercing whisper radiates more loudly within you then the words on his lips.

"Let's make a fire," Tommy suggests as he gives your knee a final pat. You can see in his eyes he's trying to mend your heart, soften the blow. A solemn smile of acknowledgment creeping around the corners of his mouth, as if anything in the world can be solved by a stiff drink or roaring campfire.

You nod in agreement, there's nothing the dancing flames, glowing embers, crackling branches, and heady smoky aroma can't clear from your mind. Nothing like bathing in a campfire to wash your mind and soul clean.

You rise from the rock in slow unison. You gaze across the rich fertile valley below as it slowly descends into darkness all around you. Vibrant greens from early now turning to deeper winter tones as night begins to envelope all that you see. This place you know. This man you know. As you turn back to Tommy, watching as he moves past the horses.

Your eyes fall closed for a moment as you call to him. You pray he can hear you. The way he use to when you were children lying awake late at night, pretending there was magic between you. "Dearest friend... I love you and perhaps I always will. I see you're headed on a road, and I don't know where it leads, but you will take a part of me with you. It's been yours a long time. I hope you remember its there, I hope you protect it and treasure it. But I won't stand in your way, because that's what it means to love someone more then yourself." You whisper to him, not with your lips but from that place in your heart that already belongs to him. The one he gets to keep. You embrace the truth that your world will never feel the way it did before. You will never feel like you did before. That a part of you dies with him as he slips away. You acknowledge this new reality for what it is, whether you know how to live it or not, whether you even want to.

You take a deep breath and slowly open your eyes.

He's gone.

[merlinssaggyyfronts]

BBC Merlin Rewatch:

01x01: The Dragon’s Call

—

FIRSTLY THE FUCKING DESCRIPTION LMAO “Merlin, a young country boy” COUNTRY BOY AHAHDHSNDH IF ONLY YOU KNEW!!! ITS LIKE SETTING SOMEONE UP FOR DISASTER BUT THEN AGAIN THEY WERE SO LIKE I MEAN-

aw look at merlin all happy and smily, walking into camelot like he isnt going to witness the death of his best friend/king and basically everyone he loves

LOOK AT HIM HES SO HAPPY!!! HE DOESNT KNOW YET

“like everyone, he must live and learn” yo shut ur bitchass up lizard man u literally tried to murder everyone in camelot that one time

“his name: traumatised 😍😍”

AH YES THE OPENING!!1!1!-!-! AHHH THE AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS I FEEL HEARING THE OPENING

fuck ur bitchass uther no one likes u

“i pride myself as a fair and just king” sir didnt u like basically kill ur wife... and thousands of peo- OH MY GOD MORGANA BB ILY

oh jesus okay hes dead um chile-

“when i came to this land” wait i thought he was raised kn camelot brb i forgot im an idiot wait,,, does this mean before this it was the du bois family on the throne of camelot?? also, mired in chaos? u mean like.... before ur wife died and everyone was living peacefully? ....okay

“merlin, seeing a person who's been stated had been studying magic get beheaded: [a magical being himself] ah,, welcoming.” -my gf

“since the great dragon was captured” ....so did no one think about where they put a dragon?? a captured one at that. ud think he’d be more smart but nah he just left a random ass dragon under his castle like THAT is going to end well

YUHH MARY COLLJNS HATE HIM!!! YELL BABEY YELL!!! “you took my son!” YES MURDER HIM OMG I CAN FEEL HER PAIN

“a son for a son!” omg why couldnt u have killed uther bb ur the perfect villain i love u ur literally just a loving mother i-

OOOOO GAIUS

.....why is there a bunny mask in there

why is thERE A BUNNY MASK-

why didnt merlins eyes glow when he dragged the bed to gaius to save him

also whats this slomo magic why didnt he do this after this why did season one haveso much magic and like every other season was just everyone throwing it back

like i get instinctual magic but like.... if its instinctual wouldnt it happen more especially when his powers get stronger-

gaius: what did you just do?!

also gaius, five seconds later: i know what it was!! i just wanted to know where you learned it

merlin: 😐

merlin, about his magic: i was born like this

gaius, who knows full well warlocks exist: impossible!

(are warlocks naturally born knowing how to use magic without learning? i mean if u have to learn magic like a sorcerer then whats the difference between a warlock and a sorcerer cuz wouldnt sorcerers atleast have to have some magic in them to actually cast spells? am i dumb or do i just not get it)

wait so merlin arrived in camelot on a wednesday

merlin, walking into camelot: it is wednesday my dudes

merlin: [witnesses an execution] aaaAAAAAA-

“someone that might help him find a purpose of his gifts” oh honey he’ll get something mUCH LARGER THAN THAT-

—

oH MORGANA

SHUT UR BITCHASS UTHER SHE WILL KILL YOU-

“the more brutal you are, the more enemies you’ll create” oh the waY SHE PREDICTED THEIR FUTURE OO

ah bless u lady helen/mary collins we love them spicy villains

...why do you have a dressing table in a tent

[watches mary collins murder lady helen] i never snitch on dadd- ...someone pls delete me

merlin, about his instinctual magic: i just do it!

gaius: ...lord have mercy what did i just sign myself up to

what ever happened to sir olwen did he die from accidentally overdosing

—

oHHH THERE HE IS THERE HE IS THERES MY BOY!!! MY LIL PRAT MAN!!!!

merlin looks so offended, oh god i could watch this whole scene for HOURS

oooOOOO YES MERLIN FUCK HIM UP!!! SHOW HIM WHOS BOSS

“do i know you?” “im merlin” “so i dont know you” ugh theres already sexual tension

“i would never have a friend who could be such an ass” “or i one so stupid”

also them, ten years later: “i use my magic for you arthur, only you” “just hold me” “i cant lose him! hes my friend!” “thank you..”

“tell me merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?” OOOOH THE BOYS ARE FLIRTING

NOT THE “would you like me to help you?” SIR YOU ARE FLIRTING SO INTENSELY AND DONT EVEN REALISE IT SIR DO YOU KNOW YOURE FALLING IN LOVE

im convinced atleast half the knights with arthur were like “ayo thas kinda sus bro 😳😳 ayo 😳😳”

arthur: tell me merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees? would you like me to help you?

merlin: ....i really dont know how to answer that

imagine being paid to throw fruits at colin morgan omg id be so thrilled

OOOH HERE COMES OUR QUEEN GWEN!!! MY LOVE MY EVERYTHING YES ILY

gwen: well, arthur looks like one of those, save the world kinda men... and you dont

merlin, 1500 years later, having failed his destiny: well i mean you’re not wrong

—

gaius: uther banned magic a long time ago

merlin, flabbergasted as if he wasnt raised on tales of the death of his kind every day in the kingdom right next to his: why?!?!?

gaius: the dragon is imprisoned where nobody can free him

merlin:

(that is the face of someone knowing full well hes going to free that dragon. look at him. he’s already made up his mind.)

—

[sees merlin and arthur in the marketplace] oh heres he is again heres the lil bitxh ooo theyre about to FIGHT

god hes flirting so hard without even realising it, oh my god

“i could take you apart with one blow” “i could take you apart with less” um sirs this is a mcdonalds drive thru 😃

arthur: ahah, you’re in trouble now~ 😏😏

i had to pause cuz wHAT THE HELL WHY DOES HE SOUND LIKE THAT-

—

....yall are yelling very loudly, um, arent there guards near yall? people passing by? please relax

“im just a nobody, and i always will be” OH IF ONLY YOU KNEWWW

“if i cant use magic, i might as well die” ....well, ive got a surprise for you-

“maybe theres someone with more magic than me?” like... a whole dragon? i mean if you say so 👀

merlin about why he was born like this: if you cant tell me, no one can!

a fucking dragon, basically every magical creature and the druids: WELL-

the camelot guards are so stupid how the hell is this kingdom still standing

how does kilgharrah know merlins name? in prophecy hes known as emrys (and we see basically every magical being call him emrys and not merlin,, i think). so how does he know? did he stretch his neck long enough that he could somehow hear merlin? is it cuz theyre kin? is it cuz merlin and gaius were yelling so loudly that kilgharrah could hear them all the way in his cave? ig we’ll never know 🖐

merlin: where are you?!

kilgharrah:

kilgharrah: without you, arthur will never succeed.

merlin: ....oh look, im already paranoid

the amount of sadness i feel hearing kilgharrah say “none of us can choose our destiny, merlin. and none of us can escape it” is INSANE cuz in season one you can SEE merlin trying to escape it. hes doing his damned best trying to have some control over his life. and then in later seasons you can see the light slowly drain from his eyes as he becomes just another toy for the gods to be entertained by. he realises he cant control a single thing about his life so he does the one thing he can: protect arthur. and he loses SO MUCH because of it! its not fair, he deserved so much, and when he finally got everything he could ever ask for, it was taken away from him by his own mistakes.

arthur, seeing morgana in a beautiful dress: god have mercy 😍

uther: .....um

the way they set arthur and morgana up as if they arent gonna make them siblings i- what the fawk 😄

person A, who knows arthurian lore: oh no! arthur is going to have an affair with morgan(a) and have mordred! oh no!!

person B, whos seen merlin: oh no in this show its worse

person B, knowing full well theyre siblings: much worse....

gwen: who’d wanna marry arthur? 🙄

-

gwen, getting crowned queen of camelot: well fuck

hhhnghnh yes queen sing them to sleep yes murder his bitchass (and fail but like its the thought that counts)

on a sidenote tho this is such a fun way to murder someone, id try this

the absolutely OFFENDED “FATHER!” and the horrified look in arthurs eyss when uther announced merlin would be his manservant is PRICELESS OMG

oh the way uther unintentionally plants the first seed of his sons love story omg 😍😍

Conclusion: this episode is a 10/10 greatest episode with so many iconic scenes omg. mary collins u will forever have my heart for unintentionally kickstarting merlin and arthurs relationship destiny. i loved the whole thing and oh GOD does it already hurt knowing full well how the show ends

[arthurflecksgirl]

Reader finds out she`s pregnant with Arthur`s child

@jaraysha1121 requested this one! Thank you so much for the lovely request!!! I really, really, really hope you will like the result :)

Arthur humming quietly into your ear was the perfect way to wake up in the morning. Smelling his hair, that felt tickelish into your face while he kissed you awake was. You just wished that all of this, his bed hair in the morning, him humming oldies in the kitchen while making coffee, his skin on yours at night, would never come to end end.

You have been together for one year now but it felt like you had known him before the beginning of time. Having him in your arms felt like holding the entire universe in your hands. Like anything was possible and there was nothing that you weren`t able to face together. Arthur was your muse, your inspiration. Your proof that no matter how cruel life has been to you, there is still hope to stay gentle at heart and to end up being loved. It was just the same the other way around. You ended up being Arthurs salvation. His soul mate. Everything he ever hoped for and daydreamed about. You and him. It was just fate.

"Hey Y/N. I made you some tea. I hope you feel better this morning? I noticed you couldnt find sleep tonight?" He handed you the cup "Careful, its still very hot." You took a careful sip and put it back on the table. " Arthur crawled back on the couch with you, so you took him under the green blanket. He softly kissed your cheek.

"Um...yeah well I feel better now" you lied.  You didnt wanted him to be worried about you, since Arthur worried about you a lot. Whenever he thought there was the slightest chance for you to get sick or cold or anthing that made you feel uncomforable. He would ask you every five minutes if you already felt better, which was beyond adorable, but still, you didnt wanted him to get worried, because after a while he tended to get nervous and anxious , and that wasnt good for his mental health and insomnia at all. So yo decited to try to hide it from him. But he just knew you so well.

"Are you sure, baby? You seem like there is something wrong? You didnt even ate your fave cookies yesterday. The plate is still full so... I got evidence!" He joked and pulled your nose. "No, I`m fine, Artie, really. I mean.I just woke up beside you. How on earth wouldnt I feel great?" You took another sip of tea.

"Yeah..." Arthur lit himself a cig and stared at the ceiling while his arm was wrapped around you "You know, I just wish we could do this more often. The sleepover.  But its very diffucult to hide you from my mother. I dont know how she would react if she knew that a girl was sleeping in the living room."

You nodded. It was obvious that Arthur loved his mum but he was also afraid to get into a confrontation with her. He would only confront her with anything if there was absolutely no other way to handle it. So you sneaked into his apartment when Penny was already asleep.

"Sooo what if she just wakes up and walks through the living room? She will notice me for sure."

Arthur shook his head while he took a deep drag of his cig "She will not wake up".

"What do you mean?"

"She took some sleeping pills yesterday. Well... I made her do it but...anyway..." he stroke your hair "Dont worry abut that okay? She will still be asleep for the next few hours for sure. And even if she will wake up, she would be so confused, you could just hide under the blanket and she wouldnt notice anything."

"I see... you thought of anything didnt you? I wonder what she would sayif she knew there was a girl on the couch."

Arthur leaned in to kiss your ear "Just think of what she would do if she knew what I did with this girl last night...?!"

You smirked "Yeah that was definitely helping with feeling better."

"So what do you think she would do?"

"She would tell you you`re a naughty boy"

Arthur put the cig in his pink ashtray and  kissed you passionately.

"Yeah...being naughty is fun isnt it?"

You nodded under the sweet pressure of his lips.

You tried to be as quiet as possible, even though he claimed that Penny wouldnt wake up.  She was still in the back of your mind. There was something about the thought of being caught that you really liked.

Arthur checked the clock "Oh. I gotta go to work now. I`m pretty late. " He got up from the couch and grabbed his clown gear. You stood up to change your clothes as you realized how your head was spinning. Arthur didnt noticed. He was distracted by checking his bag.  " We`ll see each other on Monday, right?"

"Yeah, sure. I will visit  when you get home from work. "

Arthur grabbed the keys "Great. I cant wait to see you again, sweetheart. Any plans for today?"

You opened teh door "Yeah I will visit my best friend over the weekend. We`ll be watching movies and stuff."

You both headed down the hallway and got into the elevator "Sounds like fun" Arthur smiled at you with so much love in his eyes. His tiney wrinkles made you want to cover his beautiful face with kisses.

"What?" he asked as he noticed you staring.

"Nothing....its just...I love you so god damn much!"

Arthurs cheeks turned red "Dito!" he said, gently touching your cheek before you said goodbye. You watched him running towards the subway station. He was really late.

Being in the elevator a minute ago made your dizzyness even worse. You closed your eyes for a moment, wondering if you might catched the flu. You felt sick to the stomach for about three days now and it didnt seemed to get any better.  Hopefully it wouldnt ruin the whole weekend. You knew that your best friend bought sweets and cake but you didnt felt like eating anything at all.

Thirty minutes later you arrived. Your best friend welcomed you with the warmest hug. She was the only one who accepted your love to Arthur. Most of your other friends thought he was weird for his laughter and for still living with his mother at the age of 35. You started to realize that some of those people didnt even deserved your friendship, especially they didnt deserved to get to know the wonderful man that Arthur was.

"Hey Y/N ! I`m glad you`re here. I`ve planned something for tonight. You will be excited to hear about it. How is Arthur doing?"

You got out of your jacket and sat down on the couch "He`s doing fine. Thank you for asking. He`s on some new meds and they are much better than the last ones he had."

"I`m happy to hear this. But you kno what his best medicine is? YOU. Imean it. He looks so much healthier since the two of you meet each other on a regular basis."

Hearing those words coming out of her mouth meants the world to you "Thank you so much. I appriciate that. The others dont understand...."

"Pffff" she headed to the kitchen and came back with a huge self made pizza "Dont listen to them. They are idiots. Every single one of them. Arthur is a nice guy and he is good for you. I can see the way you look at each other. There is so much love between you."

"Yeah. I really do love him. More than anything. I think he`s my soulmate."You smiled "I understand him.  And he gets me. We get each other. We dont even have to say anything. Its just....we know. We`re the same. "

"Heyyyyy check this out" she put the huge pizza on the table in front of you "Its self made. i`m kinda proud. We will kill this delicios thing this evening. What do you think?"

Just looking at the food made you feel sick again "Um.....yeah thats....great. It looks delicious"

Your friend put her hand on your forehead "Y/N. You look kinda pale."

"Yeah...I dont feel so well....its been this way for half a week now. I can barely eat something and I feel dizzy at times and just....weird. Like...I dont know my body and mind feel funny and....I dont know....I havent slept for days..." you started crying.

"Ohhh noooo why are you crying? Is there anything going on with Arthur you wouldnt tell me?"

You wiped a tear away "No. No really. He is fine. I`m just very sensitive these days. I`m not sure why.... maybe it was all to much with the others not respecting Arthur as my boyfriend. ...I dont know....Just stressed out emotionally I think.. But I will be fine."

Your friend told you  that you didnt have to eat anything if you dont feel like it, but two hours later you decited to give it a try and grabbed a piece of her selfmade pizza. After one slice you felt so bad you coudlnt hide it from your bestie anymore "Oh my god. I think I gotta go to the bathroom" you hurried up and closed the door behind you.

"Y/N? Are you okay in there?"

"Yeah....kinda....just...I`m just sick to the stomach. I think I catched the flu or something. maybe its better for me to go home. I dont want you to get infected."

Ten minutes later you got back into the living room again. She waited for you with a big grin on her face. Why would she make fun of you feeling sick?

"Feeling better?" the grin still lingering on your lips. It kinda hurt you to see her reaction.

"No. I think I`m gonna go home. I think I have to rest until I see Arthur again on Monday.  I dont want to cancel our date. He is looking forward to it. I`m sorry thatI ruined our weekend before it even started...."

She giggled.

"Why are you laughing? Cant you see I`m feeling like shit?"

She pointed at the empty place beside her "Si down Y/N. And calm down for a second. I dont think that you`re ill at all. You feel sick to the stomach, dizzy and emotionally sensitive.....Think about what it might be."

"I dont know what you are talking about!" you yelled

"Oh I see, currently very emotional with your  reactions."

"Yeah go ahead making fun of me" you replied with a dissappointed look on your face.

"Y/N. You and Arthur I mean....you want to stay together right?"

"Of course we do!"

"You love each other to death?"

"Yeah!"

She clapped her hands "So I think Monday will be even more special when he hears the news!"

"Which news?" you still didnt understood what she was all about.

"Y/N. My dear, you might be pregnant with Arthur`s child!"

The very second you heard her saying this your heart just stopped. You tried to think about the symptoms  but all you could think about was Arthur and how he would react if this was really true. You rubbed your dimples, tried to remember how one of your friends felt like when she got pregnant.  It really could be it.

"Oh my god..." you whispered.

"YES great news. I mean....if you really are this would be great news for you, right? Hopefully...I mean...did you talked about that? You and Arthur?"

Concentrating was hard "We did....I mean....a while ago he told me how much he loves kids and that he always wanted to have a family and .....I mean look at him when he is with kids. he would be a great dad. I know he would. "

"And how do YOU feel about it?" she asked.

"I...I`m not sure....I mean...I want to spent the rest of my life with him and...the thought of being a parent is stil kinda scare, isnt it? But...yeah I think I really want to have a kid with Arthur. He is the only man who ever made me feel this way. Its just overwhelming right now. The thought that it might happen NOW. But yeah...I would be happy about it for sure. " you started to cry. Your best friend hugged you tight "Shhhhhtt . Eighter way it will be good. What do you think about going to the pharmacy and get a test right now? So you dont have to ask yourself that question all day?"

You nodded. Knowing would help. You just had to know if your friend was right.

An hour later you couldnt stop your hands from shaking as you got back to your friends apartment. The pregnancy test in your hand felt surreal. You never did such a test before, so you sat down with her to read everything through.

"Are you ready?" she asked you.

You werent sure. How could anyone ever be ready for something like that? Deep down you knew that there was nothing to be afraid of. The more you thought about it, the more you wanted the test to turn out positive. You just felt deep in your heart that Arthur would be happy,too. There was only a slight chance that he would be too overwhelmed and scared. But then again, who wouldnt be?

"No. I`m not ready" you smiled while you said it out loud.

"But you are smiling! Thats a good thing. Take your time. We can do this tonight if you want."

You got up and headed to the bathroom "No. No. I really want to know now.  So I will have more time to think about how I will tell Arthur on Monday."

"Ha! You`re already talking like you are pregnant. I like that" her face lighted up.

And you realized that this was true. Somehow you suddenly felt like you already knew. Like everything was coming together. You imagined Arthur holding your baby for the first time. Imagined his big puppy eyes while trying to make his kid laugh. You already felt the love he was radiating as a dad. Your eyes started watering when you closed the door behind you. You followed the discriptions of the test and waited.

It wasnt long but it felt like a lifetime.

So many scenarios went through your head. Any possible reaction from Arthur. You checked the watch. It was time to take a look at the result. Your heart was beating fast. You didnt even knew how much you wanted a kid with him until now. You hoped for the test to be positive. So much it would even hurt you if it was not the case. This morning you didnt even thought of being a parent and suddenly it was all you could think about. Arthur as a dad. Arthur as the father of your child. What a wonderful life it would be! Not easy, but wonderful and worth living for.

Your shaky hand grabbed the test with eyes closed. One deep breath in. And another.

Okay.

Now.

Now you will know.

Postive. The test was positive. Arthur and you would be parents soon!

You wished for him to be here with you right now. A brief moment you felt regret for not making the test when he was there with you but anyway, you would make sure to surprise him in the sweetest way!

"Ohhh my god, you were right!" you screamed as you got out of teh bathroom "You were right!!!!"

Your friend ran towards you and held you tight "I knew. I just knew. I am so happy for you. Are you happy? You are feeling good, right? Oh my god!"

"Yeah, I...I am happy. So much happier than I thought I would be. I cant wait to tell Arthur the day after tomorrow. God, I dont even know if I can wait until then. But I have to because....I want the surprise to be perfect. And I gotta figure out how I will tell him the news!"

"You`re going to be a great mum Y/N. I just know. And Arthur is going to be the funniest daddy ever!"

You sat down on teh couch, dizzy but happy at heart "Wow,thats just...a lot to think about!"

Your friend told you to rest and made you a cup of tea to calm your stomach.  You realized that life would never be the same again after the kid would be born. But you wanted it. You wanted it all. With him. And him only.

It was so hard to no tell Arthur when he called you the next day. But you wanted to see his face when you told him. You wanted to feel his arms around you and this wasnt possible through the phone, so you waited for Monday evening.

You made sure that you arrived earlier than he would and put the pregnancy test into an envelope, so he would find it as soon as he checked the box for letters. He always did because his mum was waiting on a letter from Thomas Wayne for months now. Standing in the hallway was torture. You checked your watch at least twenty times until he finally arrived. Arthur was still wearing his clown make up. He carried his green wig and clown shoes in his big bag, looking tired. "Ohhhh honey. I`m so glad to be home. It was a long day at HaHas.  There was a kids birthday. I danced for at least three hours. But it was worth it. You should have seen the little boys face! God. I love making kids happy.....Y/N? Are you okay?"

"Arthur!" you jumped into his arms and felt him with all your senses.  "Yes I`m fine. Just so.....good to see you again and I missed you so much!"

A real smile was visible underneath his big, red fake smile "I`m happy to have you in my arms again,too. I missed you the moment you walked out of the elevator two days ago!"

Arhur grabbed his keys to open the letter box. That was the moment. In less than a minute he would know.

"A letter!" he mumbled "Maybe my mum finally gets what she was waiting for ."  He checked the envelope. "Wait....It says For Arthur....there is no stamp and....this is...your handwriting...?" he looked at you. The confused frown on his face made you want to kiss him so bad.

"Open it, darlin. please!"

Arthurs fingers felt that there was something in it.

"Darling, its not even my birthday." he joked "Did you got me a present?" he reached for what was in there and pulled it out.

Arthurs face froze for a moment. No reaction. Just him staring at the test and the little note that said "Soon we`re going to be a family! "

For a second your heart seemed to stop. Why didnt he say anything? Why wasnt he even moving? Was it bad news for him?

The envelope fell down to his feet as he covered his face with his hands. He was crying.

"A-Arthur? Darling?" you took a step closer to him. And another. Until you were able to put your arm around him. His tiney body was shaking.

"Arthur....please say something.

Seeing him cry now was torture. You were looking forward to this moment until you saw the test result and now he was crying in silence. He didnt even looked at you. His beautiful hands just covered his face while he was sobbing like a little boy.

"Oh Arthur, I thought....I really thought this would make you happy,too?!"

Arthur uncovered his face. His puffy eyes glanced at you with love "Are you kidding me Y/N? Of course I am happy. I was never happier in my whole life! Oh my god. I am....I never felt this way before. We are going to be a family! This is all I ever wanted in life. Thank you for making my dream come true!" Arthur fell into your arms. His head resting on your shouders  as tears of happiness ran down his face.

Now you started crying too.

"Oh god, I`m so glad. So reliefed. You`re going to be the best daddy ever. I love you so much, Artie! So incredibly much."

Arthur kissed you softly on the lips. Traces of his clown make up covered the corner of your mouth.

"You know what? Tomorrow I`m taking a day off and we`ll have a beautiful picnic in the park. Just the two of us. Out on a date to celebrate this! And when we`re back home, I´m going to tell my mum!"

You smiled "Your mum didnt even knew you had a girlfriend. She will be shocked."

"So what? Its our life! And our desicion. We will be looking for a new home anyway."

"Yeah" you wiped a curl out of his face.

"C`mon, honey, lets get in and relax for the night."

Arthur took you by the hand and soon you found yourself all cuddled up on the couch. Arthur on your side. Skin on skin. His breath behind your ear. His hand caressing your belly.

"So you think its going to be a boy or a girl?" he asked you while his fingers gently moved in circles. He lit some candles to make it even cozier for you.

"I dont know" you whispered "I would love a son who looks just like his father."

Arthurs hand on your tummy felt so calming. Like a charm that made your child feel loved.

"And I would love a daughter who is just as precious as her mother."

You smiled.

"I promise I will try my best to be a good dad. I will make our kid laugh as often as possible and teach him or her how to do magic tricks and I´ll dance to make the child feel better. I will try anything. to be.....good enough! I`m gonna take good care of our baby."

"I know you are going to be amazing. Who wouldnt love to have a funny clown as a father?"

Arthur leaned in to kiss you "I promise you, I will find a job as a stand up comedian so we can afford much more than now. I`m gonna make it work. "

"I know we will Arthur. The two....no. The three of us together."

Arthur pulled you even closer to his chest. The warmth of his body lulled you in as you drifted away into sleep. The last thing you`ve heard before your eyes closed was Arthur whispering "Sleep tight, little angel" while he placed his lips on your belly to kiss your child good night.

[spookypotato]

Maybe a fic where after Sirius’ ankle is broken initially ( like the first couple of hours after) they think he won’t be able to play again because the doctors thought it was worse than it was and the team are told to prepare for the worst and we get to see their reactions :(

Sorry lol I’m just OBSESSED with your writing, I get so giddy reading them bc they are so so perfect

Thank you so, so much! It means a lot someone enjoys my writing that much. And please dont apologise for giving me good ideas to write and compliments that make my day!💛

Okay, I don't know if this is what you wanted. But I hope you like it anyway! Sorry I took longer than last time. I haven't forgotten about any prompts, I just had a bit of a block.

Characters, again, by the wonderfully talented @lumosinlove! Thank you!💜

The lights were too bright. But Sirius tired to open his eyes anyway. James was sitting next to him. How the hell had he gotten into his house?! Then memories came back, cracking of bones, emergency sirens, a stadium erupting in booing noises.

He was in the hospital. His foot hurt a lot less than he expected, but it was also in a splint at the moment.

As soon as James noticed, that Sirius was awake -or at least had his eyes semi open- he hugged him rather aggressively.

"Mate, idiot, I thought you were dying!", James voice was muffled by the pillows.

"I did tell him, that you would 100% survive, though.", Remus interrupted Sirius thought process.

Not really being able to say anything yet, he just took in the scene he was presented with.

The cubs, off to the far left of his room, had probably just stopped playing a game with Olli. The cards were all over the table and Sirius couldnt even try to guess what they had been playing. But they were all facing him now.

Next to them Kasey sat a bit further away, but clearly in a position were he could look into Logans and Finns cards and observe the game.

In the middle of the room stood Kuny, Nado, Dumo, Thomas and pretty much their whole team. They barely fit into the room.

To the left stood Arthur and Moody, both relieved at him being awake. They had probably been discussing something about the season.

Right on his bed sat James. Still hugging him. Sirius wouldn't put it past him, to just stay like that for the next few days. Lily was sitting next to his bed on the right, reading her magazine. She was clearly not surprised about James' behaviour.

And then there was Remus. Probably sitting the closest to him after, off course James. Right to his left. There was no magazine or playing cards or even his smartphone anywhere close to him. He might have just arrived. Although he did look a bit too tired for that. Remus looked relieved, but also somehow pained.  Sirius didnt know if it was, because of his ankle or because of something else.

His thoughts were interrupted by James, again. "Sirius, are you with us?"

Now the whole room was staring at him.

"Ouais, je suis réveillé.", it came out as a raspy sound. "Can I-", he coughed. "Can I have some water, please?"

James got his water not even a split second after, from his bedside table. He almost spilt the contents over the hospital sheets.

After he drank the entire cup in one go, he put it back next to his bed. He only realised now that there were flowers and chocolate there.

Chocolate- how ironic. No one in a hockey team would ever gift another hockey player chocolate. It wasnt on their meal plan. How long would he be gone, if he was allowed to eat chocolate?! He would be able to play again, right? Panic went through his entire body.

That moment a doctor came in. Everybody looked at her expectantly.

"Mr. Black", she started, "you broke your ankle, and you were in surgery, a few hours ago. I'm glad to see you have already woken up. That's a good sign. I have to inform you however that there were complications with the surgery, so you'll probably not be allowed to leave for at least the next week. Also-"

"I'm sorry, doctor, but that wont be possible.", Sirius interrupted her. "We have a very important game this weekend, and not only do I need to play, but I need to practice. I can stay no longer than today."

I would have been funny, that Sirius Black tried to debate with a Doctor about his body's state, but in this situation the doctors expression seemed to morph into a sad one.

"I wasnt suggesting it, Mr. Black. You will stay here, for at least a week. After that, we'll check on your state and if we decide to let you go home, you'll have to rest for at least 10 weeks to let the bone fully heal"

"But-", Sirius tried to say, but was cut of by the doctor again.

It was like a child complaining about not being allowed to have a certain toy.

"Once your bone has fully healed, you'll need to learn how to properly walk on it again."

"And afterwards I can start practice again?", Sirius sounded like he at least tried to accept his fate. He wouldn't be able to play the whole season.

"I dont think that will be what's happening. I'm sorry to inform you, but at the moment, it doesn't look like your ankle would handle the pressure of being on the ice in a professional state again."

"Does that mean he can never play again?", James asked, his voice sounded a bit shot.

It was only then that Sirius realised again, that he wasnt alone in the room.

"As it is now, no. I'm sorry. It could potentially change, but it is highly unlikely", the doctor told them. Even she didnt seem as neutral now as when she appeared. But then again, all of gryffindor loved their lions. She was probably almost as devastated as any other person in gryffindor.

"Thank you", was the only thing Sirius could choke out. This was all to much information at once.

As the doctor wanted to leave, James got up.

"Cant you bloody do something?! Anything? Please? We need him. Anything?"

The doctor just repeated herself. "I'm sorry, but as of now, the only thing we can do is wait how Sirius body reacts to the injury." With that she left the room, Arthur and Moody following her.

James sat down again. And hugged Sirius tightly and awkwardly, because he was still lying on the hospital bed. "Please tell me if you need anything, Pads.", he whispered.

The rest of the room hadnt said a word until now. Sirius was thankful for it. But they were all staring at him. Waiting for some kind of reaction.

"Guys, I'm fine.", Sirius lied. "How did the snakes game end? I want every detail."

He didnt listen. But he was pretty sure someone explained.

So many emotions were running through his mind.

He was furious. At Snape for hitting him. At the world for making it happen to him. At the doctors for not doing more. At himself for blaming everything else except himself.

He was sad. This was it. His career was over. He would maybe sit on the bench during games, if the team would even let him. He probably wasnt even part of the team anymore. He would be able to come to the first few games. And then fewer and fewer. Until the crowd had forgotten him. Until the team had forgotten him. Until he was just an ex-hockey player, sat in this massive house, alone and unwanted, all over again.

"Sirius.", a gentle voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Sirius, are you listening?" It was Remus', his hand now on Sirius' arm. As he looked down Loops pulled it away.

"Yeah, no, a bit, sorry." Sirius replied, " I was a bit lost in thought." As the rest of the team almost gave him a another sad look, he added "Just thinking about your new training plans and how exhausted you will all be. Next time you need to show the damn snakes not to mess with lions." This was one of the first times he wished, he could be exhausted with them.

The team didn't laugh. Logan moved his chair closer to Sirius bed.

"Next time we'll win. For you."

"Wow, if I would have known it just needed at hit, to get you more ambitious, I would have been down months ago.", Sirius joked. It wasnt funny. He didn't even laugh himself, although he tried. It came out as a short, bitter one.

The team was staring at him again. It was horrible. He didnt want their pity. He wanted to get back on the ice, now. But he couldn't. He would never be able to skate again. In his life. It was over. Everything was over.

[all-hail-the-witcher]

jaskier’s breakup album

alright full disclosure i probably went into way more detail than i needed to. but jaskiers a dramatic little shit and therefore so am i. but this album slowly became my baby and I've been listening to it for the last 2 weeks while I've been doing homework and its a good sad bop. these are just my opinions, but i think it would be cool to see what other people think (esp because im fairly new to this fandom). also this post is really long. sorry about that. 

so. we all know jaskier is a bard. he traipses around writing songs about whatever fling he's having or about his witcher. netflix canon makes it pretty clear that geralt is one of jaskiers muses (and probably one of his more reliable ones given what we know about jaskiers dating history). jaskier is also very, very dramatic (as I'm sure everyone knows cause he's the damn comic relief that show desperately needs). in particular though the scene at the beginning of 1x05 where geralt is djinn hunting and jaskier stumbles upon him, drunk, singing off key, and rambles about how "the countess de stael, my muse and beauty of this world, has left me. again. rather coldly and unexpectedly, i might add. i fear i shall die a broken hearted man” and jaskier is clearly half muttering some sad attempt at a breakup song he's trying to write at the beginning of the episode so the question is, wouldn't he do the same thing post mountain scream down with geralt?

the answer is of course, yes he would because jaskier is nothing if not a dramatic little shit. and i am proposing that he writes not only one but an entire album (or set if this is canon era, but if this is canon i think he would keep a great many of these songs to himself, only playing a few select ones with the hopes that someday geralt will hear one and realize how badly he fucked up) of break songs and lamentations about geralt, because say all you want about what their relationship is, but one does not simply go traipsing around the entire continent with someone for 20 years and not grow close to them in some way shape or form (and the show makes it clear that geralt is at least one of jaskiers close friends so). now what is on this breakup album? well I'm glad you asked.

i peg jaskiers music (modern or canon honestly) for this album as being a combination of taylor swift’s folklore/evermore albums and james arthur and ill explain why. 

taylor swifts folklore/evermore albums have this almost ethereal, floaty, reminiscent, indie vibes. there are many metaphors, recurring themes and its overall kinda dramatic at points which i feel is exactly what jaskier would be doing right now (it also just kinda gives me canon era vibes, idk). but james arthurs music is much more emotionally intense which i think is definitely in character for jaskier at this point because he strikes me as someone who copes with things through his music. both artists do the sings through story telling in an almost monologue manner which goes along with that kinda bardic music and all that. i also think that jaskier would want geralt to know that these songs are about him because hes dramatic like that (kinda like how taylor swift writes her stuff). anyway here's what i think would be on his breakup album: 

heres a link to the playlist

1. the lakes - taylor swift 2. from me to you i hate everybody - james arthur 3. maybe - james arthur 4. sad eyes - james arthur 5. hoax - taylor swift 6. naked - james arthur 7. right where you left me - taylor swift 8. all too well - taylor swift 9. impossible - james arthur 10. exile - taylor swift 11. illicit affairs -taylor swift 12. safe inside - james arthur 13. quite miss home -james arthur 14. my tears ricochet  -taylor swift 15. phoenix - james arthur 16. this is me trying - taylor swift  17. happiness - taylor swift 18. death by a thousand cuts - taylor swift 19. empty space - james arthur 20. coney island - taylor swift 21. new years day - taylor swift 22. the 1 -taylow swift

so theres 22 songs which im sure jaskier would do on purpose cause hes a dramatic little shit ( “one song for every year i wasted on you” or something of that sort). jaskier being a dramatic little shit is going to be a recurring theme. some of them work better for modern era than canon era but as a whole this can be interpreted as either romantic or platonic. anyway lets unpack. 

1. the lakes by taylor swift (more canon era interpretation)

this song is the bonus and final track off of folklore. the song is actually about how she wants to go live in seclusion with her boyfriend out of the public eye but that is not what it means in this interpretation. i think that this song is about how jaskier feels as though his career as a bard is tainted now because he spent so many years singing geralts praises and there is no way he will be able to escape that part of his life because undoubtedly hes going to get requests for toss a coin and others he wrote about geralt and people will probably know him as “the witchers bard”. so this song is him talking about how he wants to run away and live out his life in seclusion because geralt took from him one of the only happinesses in his life. 

Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry I'm settin' off, but not without my muse 

the line “i dont belong and my beloved neither do you” references the fact that jaskier feels like an outcast now that he’s spent years traveling around with a witcher, notoriously outcasts from society, so he feels that he doesnt belong anymore either.

I want auroras and sad prose I want to watch wisteria grow Right over my bare feet 'Cause I haven't moved in years And I want you right here

the second stanza references his idealization of living out his life in solitude, with nature, where no one can judge him (and geralt cant yell at him). 

jasper would have started this album with that song because it states his intentions: he feels as though he’s done with singing. it could also refer to him leaving the public eye (in modern era) to write this album.

2. from me to you i hate everybody by james arthur (more canon era interpretation) 

songs 2-4 on jaskiers album are ones that he wrote at various points while he and geralt were still together/best friends/etc. these three songs establish what the relationship was like before everything went downhill, but they are kind of melancholy, like looking back on a past love (which is what jaskier is doing). this one jaskier wrote about when they met. geralt would have heard him play it before and he would have known that this song was about him (he probably also secretly liked it and jaskier putting it on his album would have been like a slap in the face because it wasn't one that he had shared with other people, thinking it to be too personal). if this album had been released in modern era, jaskier would have released this song as a single to get geralts attention. he would have definitely wanted geralt to know that this album was about him. 

I used to come here on my own and drink So I didn't have to think or hear the whispering I stand with people telling lies again In suits and ties again and I just need a friend

they meet in the tavern and its clear that jaskier is Not having a good time and really just needs a friend, hence why he decides to go talk to geralt.

You walked into the room and cut the atmosphere like a knife, alright Sobering mind 'cause up to now, I've just been wasting my time, ooh yeah

the “wasting my time” part is of particular interest because it clearly articulates that jaskier feels as though adventuring around with geralt was the best part of his life and before that he'd just been a bard with debatable songs. the song as a whole makes it sound like geralt was jaskiers lifeline.

3. maybe by james arthur (modern or canon era works)

this song, while geralt would know immediately it was about him, was not one jaskier ever shared with geralt. it would have been written a few years after he and geralt had met initially. the reason that jaskier never shared it was because it talks about destiny and geralt made it Very Clear that he does not want to fuck with destiny.

I don't know what's going on Where you came from and why you took so long All I know is that I feel it Like it's the realest thing, I mean it Something changed when I saw you Oh, my eyes can't lie You said, "They're so damn blue And I love how you're so forward Is it too soon to say I'm falling?"

this would have been what young jaskier felt over the course of a few years after traveling around (or befriending if this is modern). There was probably a slip up somewhere, or jaskier just thought that he got really good at interpreting geralts grunts and the line about the eyes is what he hoped/imagined/thought geralt was saying to him in return. 

So maybe Maybe we were always meant to meet Like this was somehow destiny Like you already know Your heart will never be broken by me So is it crazy For you to tell your friends to go on home? So we can be here all alone Fall in love tonight And spend the rest of our lives as one

jaskier probably thinks that destiny is some wildly romantic thing hence why he compares them meeting to destiny. the line about heart break would have also hit especially hard after the mountain scene. also i think its pretty clear that jaskier wants to spend as much of his life traipsing around with geralt in the show (modern era wouldn't have been any different), hence wanting to spend the rest of his life with geralt. 

Oh, is it too crazy For you to tell your brothers about me? They told me they'll protect you But I'll look them in the eye Tell them you and I will be as one

this is the part that sells it for me. i think that geralt lambert and eskel would all be very close (admittedly i havent read the books but i kinda get that vibe from the fandom so). this part about geralt telling his bothers about jaskier and then jaskier probably meeting them would have been an Important Moment. 

4. sad eyes by james arthur (modern or canon works) 

aright so im not sure if geralt has heard this one before. i can see it going both ways. its a possibility that jaskier wrote it at some point and then would kinda sing it softly when hes patching geralt up after a particularly rough hunt so its one of those where like geralts not quite sure what the song is but then he hears it on this album (cause say this was modern era and jaskier actually did release this album geralt would totally buy it after a few weeks and then realize how badly he'd actually fucked up) and is like shit thats what he was singing all along?? but anyway this one is essentially about how jaskier thinks geralt puts too much pressure on himself and all that stuff

You wear the burden World on your shoulders, babe So let me hold the weight I know you're hurting Deep as the coldest pain But this is the order sayin'

essentially jaskier can see through geralts bs and hes calling him out on it and wants him to just take care of himself for once (see: the scene in 1x05 when geralt says he cant sleep) 

5. hoax by taylor swift (canon or modern works)

so this song begins the plethora of break up songs that jaskier wrote about geralt. this one would have been written some time after the incident, after jaskier has some time to reflect on the whole thing. i know that taylor wrote this  song about enduring a toxic relationship, which kind of works if you think about the way that geralts treated jaskier and how jaskier interpreted it (but im not implying that their relationship was toxic or abusive or anything) 

My best laid plan Your sleight of hand My barren land I am ash from your fire

jaskiers plan was to reinvent geralts image and geralt did not think that it was worth it. jaskier is just sorta his side kick (who gets him into trouble, as geralt points out) and geralt kicks him aside like he doesnt mean anything to him (like ash from a fire

Stood on the cliffside Screaming "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do

this is a little more literal with the screaming on the cliffside. jaskier wanted a reason to stay and geralt didnt want him to. jaskier knows that witchers dont feel emotions (or at least not like humans do) so hes been tricking himself into believing that geralt actually liked having him around, knowing that it was probably going to blow up in his face at some point. but he doesnt quite regret it, and doesnt want to be sad over anyone else.

6. naked by james arthur (modern or canon works)

this kind of goes along with hoax, jaskier probably wrote them around the same time. he’s admitting in this song that he would be willing to try to work it out with geralt, but geralt needs to change first (needs to actually communicate and let him in and all that stuff). 

'Cause here I am, I'm givin' all I can But all you ever do is mess it up Yeah, I'm right here, I'm tryin' to make it clear That getting half of you just ain't enough

hes quoting geralts words back at him here ( “all you ever do is mess it up” is pretty similar to the line about shoveling shit), saying that all hes ever tried to do is be good and kind to geralt, but geralt hasn't really done the same in return and while jaskier may have dragged him into some things, geralt also needs to take responsibility for what hes done as well. 

7. right where you left me (modern or canon works)

this starts the Real Sad Boy Hours songs. this would refer to how he felt pretty much right after, not knowing what to do because geralt had been so much a part of his life for so long: 

Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight" I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

this is kind of the processing of the event. and also the moment on the album where the audience would realize that this relationship that he's been telling about until now definitely ended. this song isn't super super emotional, its more a jumble of thoughts cause he didnt know what to feel after the breakup happened. although he didnt write it right after the break up, it was written much after as a looking back.

8. all too well by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

(the link to this one is from a live performance because i like the emotion in this one better) so this song is not off of folklore (its off of red) but its such a powerful, painful breakup song that i had to include it in the lineup because it seems like something that jaskier would have written very very soon after the incident. the memories especially that she touches on in the song (driving upstate, dancing in the fridge light, looking at the photo album, etc) are all very powerful and real and i can see jaskier doing the same thing. again, if this were modern era i think that he might release this one as a single. theres so much to unpack in this song, this ones gonna be a little longer oops.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

this clearly references the mountain scene. they were a pretty good duo until geralt blamed him for all his problems. and jaskier was effectively stuck on the top of a very dangerous mountain that he would have had to navigate down by himself. 

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

jaskier spent half of his life following geralt around, its likely that he doesnt know what to do with himself or his life now that he doesnt have geralt to follow around on adventures. he doesnt know what to do anymore (see the first song).

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

this is more of a hope that jaskier has. he hopes that geralts held onto something of his that he left behind. maybe he left a shirt in one of roaches saddle bags (canon) or a notebook in their apartment (modern) that geralt just cant seem to get rid of. he would like to think that he had an impact on geralts life and that it wasn't just all for nothing. in the beginning, he wants geralt to be just as hurt as he is.

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

this is a dig at geralt. he'd never had someone to follow him around on adventures before, much less a human. as far as we know it seems like jaskiers the first human that has even given him the time of day. this is jaskiers way of throwing it back in geralts face

9. impossible by james arthur (canon or modern works) 

this would have also been written very soon after the incident. it is more jaskier being mad at himself for not seeing the signs than him being mad at geralt. it is almost like his admittance of the event and like hes finally accepting what happened.

I remember years ago Someone told me I should take Caution when it comes to love, I did And you were strong and I was not My illusion, my mistake I was careless, I forgot, I did

jaskier is someone who clearly falls in love (or at least screws around with people) easily so its likely that someone would have given him some advice along these lines once. but when he met geralt its likely that this caution went to the wind. 

When all is done, there is nothing to say And if you're done with embarrassing me On your own you can go ahead, tell them

Tell them all I know now Shout it from the rooftops Write it on the skyline All we had is gone now Tell them I was happy And my heart is broken All my scars are open Tell them what I hoped would be impossible

this hints at the first song on the album. jaskier has no stomach for singing for audiences asking to hear about the adventures of geralt of rivia. this is his way of telling geralt that, almost as his punishment, he should have to deal with the people who ask why hes not traveling with his bard anymore, because jaskier has no intention of doing so. this is pretty brutal because (as we know) geralt doesnt really enjoy talking about feelings, or talking at all in general.

10. exile by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

this is a fictitious conversation that jaskier wrote as occurring between him and geralt. it can be looked at either way but i think it makes more sense if bon iver is jaskier and taylor is geralt. 

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defendin' now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before

this first chorus is from jaskiers perspective. note the use of “homeland,” as home becomes a theme on jaskiers album. in geralts version of the chorus the line instead is “youre not my problem anymore” which is probably what jaskier took the whole mountain thing to mean. 

All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) All this time I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind) I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

(the () in this are geralt) this is jaskiers lamentations about how he didnt notice geralts abject discomfort in their relationship and also his regrets in not being able to remedy the situation. 

11. illicit affairs by taylor swift (modern or canon works) 

so this song is clearly and obviously about an affair. however, i have seen interpretations of the song where people view it as being in a relationship that is  so intense and well hidden that in a sense it is almost like an affair, like in the aftermath you’re not even sure if it was real or you deemed it because there isnt really a trace of this other person anymore, and that is the way i think jaskier would have written this song. 

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

the dont call me kid, dont call me baby part would reference jaskiers humanity, he has a normal human lifespan at least in canon (very much unlike geralt) so geralt might brush him off as being young and stupid. jaskier would have made this album to show geralt that hes not being young and stupid, that this did screw him up, and hes suffering cause of it. kind of like a reality check or a slap in the face.

Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

the secret language would of course refer to geralt himself. hes a hard man to understand (especially cause half his vocabulary is grunts) and hes also a witcher. so jasper had to learn to understand him and now he has no use for that anymore. and the ending line about ruining myself. that would be jaskiers admittance that he would do it again, he'd do it all again, which comes back up in later songs.

12. safe inside by james arthur (canon era interpretation)

this is one that jaskier would have written maybe a week or so after the incident. the song itself deals with distance and coping with not being in someones life anymore, and i think that that is something that jaskier would struggle to cope with because hes not sure he wants geralt to be alone. this song is more for jaskier than for geralt. 

Everyone has to find their own way And I'm sure things will work out okay I wish that was the truth All we know is the sun will rise Thank your lucky stars that you're alive It's a beautiful life

obviously geralt can take care of himself, but its kinda clear that he doesnt much like his life as a witcher (the part where he talks about them getting slow and killed). so this is kind of jaskiers way of almost reminding geralt that his life on the path is still beautiful and important now that he back by himself. 

Oh, will you call me to tell me you're alright? 'Cause I worry about you the whole night Don't repeat my mistakes, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside If you're home I just hope that you're sober Is it time to let go now you're older? Don't leave me this way, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside

this is more jaskier worrying about geralt being by himself. he hopes that hes okay in the aftermath of this this and that hes taking care of himself still. because of course jaskier would write a whole breakup album but still write one song about how he hopes the person is doing well.

13. quite miss home by james arthur (modern era interpretation)

this song. oh my god. its so amazing. if you dont listen to any of these, at least listen to this one (actually im pretty sure no ones read to this point so if you have thanks). this song is kind of more along the same vein as the previous one, how jaskier misses geralt but its more for him than geralt. he would have probably written it at like 3am in a fit of tears and weakness, and debated long and hard about whether or not to put it on the album, but done it anyway because what does he have to lose? theres a lot to unpack here tho so this is going to be a longer one. (sorry)

I'm in the kitchen while you smoke outside You're careful not to let the smoke inside I always tell you it's poison But I know it helps you take the edge off the day We get a drink before it's closing time The one on high street with the blinking sign All these memories feel poignant I won't be there to see the snow melt away

this is a very very clear picture of an event that seems to have happened a great many times, so much so that it seems like second nature. its like a little glimpse into what their life was before this incident. its intimate, but it still is melancholy.

Whoa I'm in another city I got nobody with me And it just really hit me

this is where jaskier is now, it provides some opposition. its like a culture shock almost, like hes so used to this intimate lifestyle with another person that its jarring to be by himself.

That I quite miss home And I miss you telling me To leave my shoes at the door 'Cause you just swept the floor And the dirt drives you crazy Yeah, I quite miss home 'Cause it feels like poetry When the rain falls down on the window While you're in my arms And we're watching the TV Yeah, I quite miss home

the key here is what jaskier is referring to as “home.” it's not the place, its geralt himself. all these memories center around him, not an establishment. (calling geralt “home” comes back in later songs.) again, this mosh of memories is like theres so many of them that its almost overwhelming but its stemming from jaskiers need to feel something other than lonely and hes craving this reality that hes lost.

14. my tears ricochet by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

this is a song that really emphasizes jaskiers dramatic little shit tendencies. this is something that he wrote, trying to predict what geralts reaction would be if he found out that jaskier died. this is really just jaskier fantasizing that geralt didnt actually mean any of what he said and does still care about him. theres many lines in here that are jabs at geralt (if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake? and Even on my worst day Did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me?), but i think this is the most important one:

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want Just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you When I'm screaming at the sky And when you can't sleep at night You hear my stolen lullabies

this is again, jaskier referring to geralt as home. as seen in the last song, he clearly wants to go there, but he cant. this could also refer to where he grew up, which he cant go to either because his parents still view him as a disappointment (as seen in finally). jaskier saying he still talks to geralt is completely in character, he probably still curses him and the whole thing. but the part about geralt not being able to sleep at night and hearing his stolen lullabies is really hard hitting. jaskier likes to think that geralt wouldn't be able to sleep without his banter or his lute playing or something of that nature. over all its a very powerful song.

15. phoenix by james arthur (modern or canon works) 

this is a fictitious apology that jaskier wrote from geralts pov, kind of what he wished that geralt would say, but knows that he won't. 

Let me, let me begin Let me begin, with an I.O.U Who I owe everything to Lately, lately my friend Lately, you think I'm ignoring you But I've been trying to pull through All of the pain, I know you're looking down, down on me I could have been someone I hurt everyone Pushed away everyone who got near

in this “geralt” outlines what he did wrong, and that he didnt mea what he said at all. again, this is more for jaskiers benefit because he knows that even if geralt were to apologize to him, it wouldn't be to this extent.

16. this is me trying by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is jaskier trying to articulate the fact that hes trying to pick himself back up after everything, his way of showing his “healing process” and that he can do it, he doesnt need geralt (as the song shows, its not going very well)

And it's hard to be at a party When I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days When all I want is you You're a flashback in a film reel On the one screen in my town And I just wanted you to know That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say) I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

its showing that jaskier is having trouble enjoying things that he once did (like parties) because hes still so distraught over what happened with geralt, but at the same time he also wants to show geralt that he doesnt need him. it has a very i dont care kind of attitude, but jaskier at the same time is having a hard time showing geralt that hes doing okay, hence the “maybe i dont quite know what to say” which is out of character for the very talkative bard

17. happiness by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is more him convincing himself that things will be okay. he's clearly trying at this point to move on, but its proving difficult because geralt was his happiness for so long:

There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true There is happiness

he also repeats the line “havent me the new me yet” a few times, which i think is again him trying to convince himself that its going to get better and he will move on from it. but this line is the one that i think hurts the most:

No one teaches you what to do When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him too

this implies that 1. he still thinks geralts a good man (not a monster) and 2. that he knows he hurt him to and doesn't know how to fix either of them. this is also kind of him giving up on how to fix it, but him recognizing they were both at fault is important for the arc of the story.

18. death by a thousand cuts by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is another song that is not off of folklore (its from lover), but i wanted to include it because it think it has a little bit of anger to it (especially in this live acoustic version that i linked) which i think that jaskier would feel a few weeks post incident in a fit of rage, like why am i still feeling this way? why did you think that this was okay?? and its right after happiness, which shows that his healing really isn't linear. there's many lines in this song that pertain to geralt and jaskier and i could talk about the whole thing but im not going to

But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?

this i think is very jaskier. its so raw and like, i know this is over, why am i still writing about it? why am i making an album about this? why should this still matter to me? its very angry and again, like many of the songs, like a slap.

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave up on me like I was a bad drug Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club Our songs, our films, united, we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

this part, especially if you listen to her sing it, (which i would HIGHLY RECOMMEND BTW) is very passive aggressive and the the last line is like quite sarcastic and downplays it, like, yes you put me through all of this, but i guess its *just* a thousand cuts. this really shows that in many ways geralt was a part of jaskiers life, and his sudden removal from it would have stung in many ways, and thats not something that you can get over quickly. 

19. empty space by james arthur (modern or canon era works)

this song starts the beginning of jaskier getting over geralt. these last 4 songs would have been written much after the incident, after hes had time to think, but there's still this nagging in the back of his head thats like, well what if im being stupid and he is the one and im supposed to go back?

I don't see you You're not in every window I look through And I don't miss you You're not in every single thing I do I don't think we're meant to be And you are not the missing piece I won't hear it Whenever anybody says your name And I won't feel it Even when I'm burstin' into flames I don't regret the day I left I don't believe that I was blessed I'm probably lyin' to myself again

this is more what jaskier wants to be, not what he actually is. he thinks that hes over geralt, but hes not (the chorus gets into it more but im not going to talk about it here, but it essentially says “only you can fill this empty space”) clearly jaskier is further along in his healing process, but hes still having second thoughts. he wants to be over him, but he knows hes lying to himself, very deep down. 

20. coney island by taylor swift (more modern era interpretation)

this is the true moving on song. it’s still laced with memories and speculation, but it puts clear distance between the two of them, much more so than empty space does because it lacks the longing. it just shows things for what they are. 

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island Wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go Sorry for not making you my centerfold

its apologetic, but nothing more than that. it dwells more on what could have been rather than what he wants it to still be. 

The question pounds my head What's a lifetime of achievement If I pushed you to the edge? But you were too polite to leave me And do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

this is interesting because it addresses their immortality and how they've been together for years and also the way in which they left things (paradise). but it also implies that things were on the downfall. and the last two lines about forgiveness is interesting because it then calls geralt “too wise to trust me and too old to care” meaning its more a wish of jaskiers rather than something he knows geralt will do.

Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line By the gold clock Did I leave you hanging every single day? Were you standing in the hallway With a big cake, happy birthday Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey? A universe away And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face But when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your name

these are all very specific, very intimate moments that would clearly mean something to geralt. and it further implies that jaskier is uncertain if he actually made geralt feel appreciated when they were together. but again, its more what could have been rather than what jaskier wanted it to be, which is a nice segway into the last two songs. 

21. new years day by taylor swift (modern era interpretation)

this is another one not from folklore, this song is the closing track on reputation, but i like the nostalgia of it so i decided to include it (and it also has good parallels to the last song). initially jaskier intended for this to be the last song on the album, but decided to add another one last minute (and we will get into why). this song is more jaskiers muted longing to still be with geralt, albeit in the far future. 

There's glitter on the floor after the party Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor You and me from the night before but Don't read the last page But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away I want your midnights But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

this interpretation is very much like the actual songs interpretation: the desire to stay with someone through the unexciting parts of life, like cleaning up after a party on new years day. additionally, wanting to start something new with someone (being there with them past the midnight kiss and actually starting the first day of the year with them). additionally though, there is the line of “dont read the last page” which refers to the last song on the album, which we will get to. 

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

this is more jaskiers reality. hes torn between holding onto these memories and hopes and actually facing reality. he wants to hold on to geralt, but he also kinda wants to move on. and the last line about the laugh, thats more jaskiers own hope, he hopes that he will come across geralt again and things will work themselves out.

22. the 1 by taylor swift (modern era interpretation)

the decision to make this song the last one on the album was a very last minute decision, and it was written significantly after the rest of the songs. the reason for this was without this last song, the album ends on a note of hope “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” but this last song is more of a reality check and acknowledgment that what's done is done and that it will never be again. 

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit Been saying "Yes" instead of "No" I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though

this refers to the fact that its been some time since the whole thing and jaskiers kind of changed a little bit. he claims hes doing good, and maybe is going to try out a new career (since the first song references wanting to put music down for awhile). seeing geralt at the bus stop is a reference to cardigan where he says “chasing shadows in the grocery line” where hes not actively looking for geralt anymore and it doesnt upset him that he didnt see him.

I guess you never know, never know And if you wanted me, you really should've showed And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow And it's alright now

this is jaskier saying that hes almost glad that it happened because it gave him a new perspective and it was a learning experience. he also says that its alright, which is the second time that hes said hes okay, which probably means he isnt completely, but hes much closer than he was on the rest of the album because hes not still looking for geralt at every turn

I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own You meet some woman on the Internet and take her home We never painted by the numbers, baby But we were making it count You know the greatest loves of all time are over now I guess you never know, never know And it's another day, waking up alone

this is jaskier acknowledging the fact that geralt has probably long since moved on with his life, either with other romantic people or with his life entirely (the first time he does this on the album). he says that while their love or friendship was unconventional it still was definitely something (implying that it may have been one of the greatest loves of his life). and the waking up alone part references quite miss home and being by himself, but it isnt sad, its just a fact at this point.

But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

this is the part where we see that jaskier has grown. hes recognized that his wanting to be with geralt was never anything more than a fleeting wish or a moment that couldn't last. but he knows that it had potential and it could have worked but it didnt and thats okay. in the last chorus the pennies line is “rosé flowing with your chosen family” which implies that he and geralt were close enough to know each others family (chosen or real), meaning that it meant something. and he wouldn't have minded a long term relationship with geralt, but its not what happened.

in new years day jaskier says “dont read the last page” this song is that last page. part of him still doesnt want geralt to know that hes put aside the hope of it working because he wants to still keep himself open for geralt, but knows that  its not healthy and ultimately he needs to move on. hes essentially giving geralt the choice: remember jaskier as wanting to get back with him (since the last line of the album would have been “please dont ever become a stranger who's laugh i could recognize anywhere” or let him have the knowledge that jaskier is done with him (since the official last line of the album is “but it would have been fun if you would've been the one”)

anyway thats jaskiers breakup album. i put way too much effort into this. and if you actually read through the whole thing, thank you and please let me know what you think!! if you use this for fics or have your own interpretations please please tag me, id love to see!!

[duhliriouss]

Arthur Fleck One Shot: First Time

A/N: a request for @pcrushinnerd. This came out longer than expected and there was some technical difficulties (things got deleted and I got sad) but it’s all fixed now so enjoy 🤎

Summary: Y/N looses her virginity to a very confident Arthur, soothing all her insecurities and pain away during their first time.

Beta Reader: @arthur-flecks-lovely-smile I cant say thank you enough. You helped make this perfect and I am so grateful ❤️

Word count: 4,298

Warnings: Heavy Smut, mention of death, dominance

“Arthur!” Your voice beamed with excitement to see him as he came through the door. “I’ve been so worried about you, is everything al-“

Hungry lips smashed against yours in a second. You were taken by complete surprise as your body pushed backwards, ready to fall. But Arthur kept you up with his arm that slithered around the small of your back. His other arm went against the wall behind you to leverage the both of you from tumbling down. You weren’t used to Arthur being this demanding and confident.

You and Arthur have been dating for a few months now. But you’ve been Penny’s visiting physical therapist for over a year. Arthur always helped you take care of Penny and was attentively loving when it came to his mother. It held a soft spot for you and grew your crush over time. You were both very shy so it took awhile to announce your love to one another. But when you did, you both surprised each other with the mutual affection. Ever since then the two of you have been inseparable. Caring and loving one another delicately. However both being too shy, the farthest the two of you have gone was timid kisses and snuggling up with each other. Only once have you dared to sit on his lap and softly rub yourself up against him. Yet you were both too afraid to take it a step further, which only led to the two of you panting, too tired to continue from the ongoing heat.

But today was different. 

You placed your hands on Arthur’s chest and pushed him away, both gasping from the kiss.

“Arthur, is everything all right? How is your mother?” Arthur smiled, letting out a soft chuckle. Placing his lips on the top of your head and slowly swaying you back and forth.

“I’m doing wonderful my love. Penny’s dead”

“What?!” You managed to push yourself away from his strong arms and threw your hand over your mouth. “Oh my god.. Arthur is this true? How? How did this happen? The doctor said she was doing just fine now. I don’t und-“ Arthur interrupted you with his finger over your lips and shortened the distance between you again.

“Shhh it’s okay sweetheart. They assumed natural causes. She was already gone when I got there” he lied

Was he in shock?

You squinted your eyes slightly to get a better look at his face. Calm, collected.. smug? His pupils were dilated. You went to speak but closed your mouth again. You couldn’t find the words of what to say. You tried to calm him since it was clearly shock he was experiencing.

“Arthur...”

“Say my name again”

“Arthur?”

You gave him a shy but questioning look but before you could ask more questions to solve your confusion his lips were on you again. You’ve never felt such confidence in himself. Such hunger.

He parted your lips gently and slipped his tongue in, tasting every bit of you eagerly. Your body gave in and you melted in his arms, tasting him back. He gently pushed you back by your hips until your back hit the wall again. He went from your lips to the tip of your chin, then to your neck. Softly sucking and nipping at the most sensitive spot. You gasped as a tingling feeling went throughout your whole core.

Was this his way of dealing with shock?

You weren’t sure. But you couldn’t come up with anything to say or do. You were so distracted by this new pleasure he gave you. You couldn’t think straight.

You let out a small moan as he made his way to the center of your neck. His left arm was now on the wall behind you and his right cupped the other side of your neck. He pushed his arousal against you, suffocating you between him and the wall. You let another small whimper.

“Arthur.. please, can we talk about this? I am in just as much shock as you’re in.”

“Shh” he shushed you by bringing his head from your neck up to your ear, leaving a trail from his hot breath. “It’s okay Y/N, relax. I’m gonna fuck you now, okay?”

Your lips parted in a shocked gasp as your cheeks turned into a instant shade of rosy red. You’ve never heard Arthur say such words so boldly. You precisely had no words or actions on what to do. You looked up at him with wide eyes and saw a greedy, sinful smile and desire filled eyes looking back down at your own.

“It’s alright darling, no need to say or do anything”

god he read you like a book..

“I will do all that for you, I know you’re scared.” He started laughing. “You just got to let me know if I’m hurting you okay? Can you do that for me darling?”

“Yes...” you barley managed to breathe out. He was right. You were scared. You were a virgin and have been terrified all your life for this moment. His confidence was making you tremble in the most glorious way but it also intimidated you greatly. And seeing the circumstances on why he was doing this, there was just too much happening at once. Your mind was going a mile a minute.

“Good”

There was a silence at first as he leaned away, keeping his hands tightly grasped around your hips against the wall. He dug his fingers in as he looked you up and down, taking in his newfound task for the night.

You were a wearing a black shirt that was given to you from him since it was too small. A small cheap silver necklace that he had gifted you a week prior hung over the shirt. You also had red plaid pajama bottoms on that fit you appealingly. Though you didn’t feel attractive.. yet you watched as his tongue poked out just slightly enough to see him lick the inside of his bottom lip in a satisfied manner.

He saw what you couldn’t; Your hard nipples poking out of his shirt, the exposed skin from your lower tummy was freed above the waistline of your bottoms. He could see a hint of your black thong.

He let out a small breathy moan that could barley be heard as his left hand left your hip and tucked under your shirt. You felt the chill of his hand on your skin as he slowly and gently brushed his rough hand up your ribcage, bringing the shirt up with him, freeing your right breast. You flinched in embarrassment, turning your head to the side against the wall shutting your eyes tight. This was the first time Arthur has seen your breasts. Or anyone for that matter. You felt exposed.

“Oh darling.. don’t be ashamed. You’re even better than in my dreams, and you look so delightful in them”

he cupped your breast and finally took his right hand off your hip, bringing it to your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“Look at me sweetheart”

Your innocent (y/e/c) eyes looked up at him now. His eyes were dark and inviting. You saw expectation in his eyes. But you also saw trust. You knew you could back out now if you truly wanted to. But the look in his eyes answered all your ambiguities.

“Um.. Arthur?”

“Yes darling”

“Could you.. could you kiss my neck again?”

“There you go sweetheart. Use your words. But let me do you one better”

Arthur let go your breast and quickly removed your shirt, pulling it over you head, discarding it on the floor. You gasped in shock when he hurriedly grabbed ahold of the back of your thighs below your butt.

“Jump”

You complied and jumped. You must have underestimated his strength. He held you against himself smoothly while he carried you to the bedroom. You held on to him timidly almost like a baby Koala, your cheeks flushing even brighter with the realization of what was next. Were you really ready for this? There was no turning back now because these new feelings electrified throughout yourself.. And you needed more of it.

Your now freed breasts clunged against his vest, the material making them even more sensitive and hard. He placed you down gently on the unmade bed and stood up, looking down at you with a more genuine smile this time.

“Just stay still dear.”

You froze in place with your arms awkwardly by your sides as he reached down and roughly pulled your bottoms off along with your thong. You gasped and shot up

“A-Arthur! Wait!”

You abruptly sat up with your arms sitting you up on the bed, closing your legs together and bent in front of you. You were fully exposed now without anytime to brace yourself. Arthur ignored your clamor, getting on to the bed still fully clothed, hovering over you. He still held the same trust filled smile.

“You are so stunning Y/N. Don’t be shy now. I need to see all of you. Don’t you trust me?”

Without so much as a shy nod of your head, he shot you a mischievous smile opposing the one he had seconds earlier before spreading your legs with his hand, displaying every bit of you. You leaned your back against the pillows to be able to bring your hands to your face. You watched through your spread fingers to find Arthur staring at your lady parts in awe. You were already dripping onto the bed and down your thighs.

His eyes didn’t move as he spoke to you.

“Just breath and close your eyes doll, I promise you will enjoy every second of this”

You closed your fingers around your eyes. You weren’t sure exactly what he was going to do. You were already shaking in fear and anticipation. You didn’t have too much time to ponder over it however as you felt his warm breath on the inside of your thigh. You twitched from the light sensation and let out a small whimper. Light kisses started just below where your juices ended. He kissed you softly acting as If you’d shatter is he pressed any harder.

His intentions were not to terrify you more than he already has. He wanted you to experience as much as he could whilst keeping your love and trust, yet your eyes darkened with pure lust. You were touch starved now.

Arthur knew this as he felt your muscles relax. He continued by slowly starting to drag his tongue up to finally taste the sweet reply of his actions, Causing you to arch your back and neck. You let out a loud gasp and gripped the sheets beneath you. You felt and heard Arthur laugh between your legs, feeling his smirk against your skin, grabbing on to your hips to keep you flush to the mattress. And to cease your shaking legs.

“So responsive. I can only imagine what you’d do If I did this”

Without warning, Arthur continued to suck the wetness off your thighs closer now to your pussy as well as taking his left hand off your hip and instantly brushing between your folds with his long fingers. You moaned in response and gripped the sheets harder. You looked down now and watched as his face buried into the nook where your pussy met your thighs. You couldn’t get over the currents of electricity That ran through you as you watched in desperation. Arthur’s eyes snapped up to meet yours as he greedily sucked closer and closer to your core. But he only caught a short glimpse of your rosy flushed cheeks before firing your head back down against the pillows.

This was enough for Arthur. He was so driven by the innocent look on your face as he teased you. He couldn’t leave you in anticipation any longer.

His mouth finally made his way to your core, taking his tongue out and dragging it lazily up your drenched slit, all the while watching your every move. You shivered and whimpered more. And you couldn’t stop whimpering now. He began to add more pressure licking and flicking his tongue expertly.

You had no one to compare to but you couldn’t believe how good he was making you feel. And his confidence during all this was driving you over the edge. Arthur kept his smile plastered on his face as he ate you more greedily, sucking and tasting all the juices that left you. His hands dug into your hips. Your whimpers turned into cries mixed with gasps as you felt a very unfamiliar tightness build up in your abdomen.

Am I about to cum?

“Arthur I feel like I’m going to explode!”

“That means your about to cum darling” he spoke softly against your swollen pussy “and I’m not gonna let that happen just yet”

He abruptly pulled away. You whined from the sudden loss of his touch, feeling the tightness begin to disappear. Arthur brought himself up over you, catching a glimpse of his sinfully proud, wet smile before leaning down and kissing you passionately. Your lips moved rhythmically against his. He was making you taste how sweet you were. And you tasted so sweet.

“Feeling more relaxed now?” He asked against your lips as he began to trace his index finger around your entrance.

“Yes..” you managed to breath out.

“Good.. because I’m going to prepare you now”

“P-prepare me?”

“Yes. Take a deep breath for me sweetheart”

You took a deep breath and as you began to let it out, Arthur slowly pushed his index finger inside of you. He didn’t take his eyes off you as you gasped with discomfort. He let out an anguished sigh before quickly bringing up his hand to repeatedly stroke the hair behind your ear gently, trying to distract you from the pain he was so gravely creating.

His eyes turned even darker. But for that brief moment.. instead of lust, you saw the tenderness flash before his eyes. You saw the subtle hints of green beginning to return to his iris as he struggled to watch your distressed countenance. He watched your wide eyes painfully as he began to slowly pump his finger in and out of your wetness. You whined and cried.. but he continued, shushing you softly all the while.

He untangled his fingers from your hair. Then the finger than he fucked you with suddenly coming to a halt, but stayed inside of you.

“I’m gonna add a second finger now”

Before you could object, Arthur inserted a second finger and began to pump you again. You screamed out loud but Arthur quickly found your mouth with his own. He left his mouth slightly ajar to allow you to wine into his mouth. He opened his fingers slightly to try and stretch you out more. You screamed even louder in response, causing Arthur to grid his teeth abjectly as he swallowed your cries.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart, I’m sorry. Almost there. You’re doing so good”

Your whimpers started to die down as you watched and listened to his sweet nothings. He was lulling you into a soothing ,sedative state. Your pain was now distracted as he continued to pump and stretch his fingers inside of you. Your eyes never left each other’s.

“Shhh. There you go darling. That’s it”

Your heavy breathing began to die down as well. You couldn’t keep your eyes off his. You focused in closely as the still early dawn shown through the window of the bedroom, scattering across to the dew that illuminated in his eyes, illuminating your soul in return. You were in a trance and felt completely under his control. He took you in carefully, safe under his touches as he continued to reassure you through it all. The pain died down more and more as he continued.

Your small whines turned to moans as you felt the tightness well up in your core again. Arthur noticed the change in your eyes. You were starting to enjoy it, getting close to coming again and he knew it. His lips parted more in amusement as he looked down at your innocent lust-filled face.

He watched your features carefully as he began to bend his fingers into a “come here” motion, pumping you more steadily now. You let go of the sheets beneath you and went to place them on his chest, loosing control of your muscle spasms. But Arthur grabbed them gently before you could and placed them above your head keeping them in place. He forced his fingers deeper and his pace became more erratic.

Was he gonna let you cum this time?

Your breathing became rigid when you noticed he wasn’t stopping. You tried to keep your eyes open as you saw Arthur’s expression turn darker and more serious by the second. He was determined to be the one to decide upon your first orgasm. Your moans turned into whines again as you felt the sudden need to beg

“A-Arthur!!! Ple-ease! I c-can’t do itt!” You tried to free your hand as you begged but Arthur held them in the place.

“Yes you can, I can already feel you coming undone.. Stop fighting it”

His words was enough to send you over the edge. With a loud gasp you closed your eyes and arched your back fully, you felt the waves of your orgasm wash over you. Your body twitched and shook uncontrollably as a ringing sound took over your ears. Arthur kept his fingers inside of you to feel your first orgasm gush down them, onto his hand.

After your back found it’s way back to the mattress, Arthur removed his fingers and let go of your hands. You finally opened your eyes and shakily sat up only to find the sheets soaked. You froze, ashamed feelings washed over you again.

Was this normal?

Arthur’s voice interrupted your thoughts.

“Look how good you did darling” his voice was barley a whisper. “You couldn’t have done a better job. You never cease to amaze me”

Your eyes switched from the soaked sheets to Arthur who was kneeled in front of you. He was undoing his pants as he spoke to you. You were so overstimulated that you forgot about his main goal. It wasn’t over yet..

your shyness came back to you again and you didn’t know what to say. Arthur stayed focused on his belt as you sat there quietly in your own mess. Your mind went back to Penny. You thought about how wrong it felt being in the position you were in just finding out about her death. You bundled yourself up in a cradle like position, letting a small tear trickled down your cheek. You were lost in your tragic thoughts until you felt Arthur’s finger catch the tear before falling further down your cheek.

“Don’t cry sweetheart, I know it hurt at first. But you have admit how worth it it was in the end” his voice was husky and cracking as he spoke. He didn’t know you were crying over Penny as well.

You lifted your head timidly to meet his. His hand was still on your cheek. Your eyes widened as you saw where his other hand laid. You watched in astonishment as Arthur stroked himself with his pants hiked down around his mid thighs. His right went from your cheek to the skin down on your neck, tickling the sensitive spot that he sucked on before leading you to the bedroom. He was definitely above average. Not huge but strikingly more intimidating than his slim fingers. You parted your lips and stared. You weren’t sure how long you stared for until you heard Arthur laughing above at your chastity. You darted your eyes upwards to meet his and thankfully before you could think of something to say, he cut your gracelessness by letting go of his cock and giving you a slight tap on your chest with his finger, causing you to tip backward back onto the bed. Your back thudded against the pillows. Wasting no time, Arthur pushed your legs back open with his knees. He lined up his cock and leaned forward until his face was less than inch away from yours, letting his brown, loose curls tickle your face and shoulders.

He began to speak to you while rubbing his tip between your glistening folds.

“I want to you look at me okay? And don’t look away.”

“Arthur.. I’m too scared. You’re a lot bigger than your fingers”

“And remember how good it began to feel? I promise you it won’t last forever love. You just need to look at me..”

You lifted your head to look at him fully now. His eyes were gentle, soft, inviting. You were still confused however. One moment he seemed aggressive. Out for his own gain. But then the next moment he was loving and gentle. He kept going back and forth. Arthur waited patiently for your rambling mind to subside. You made it so obvious when your mind was racing. You cleared your throat.

“My beautiful girl, are you ready?”

You hesitantly nodded your head.

“Deep breath darling”

You breathed in shakingly deep this time. Your eyes never left each other’s as Arthur very slowly sheathed himself inside of you. Your pussy was slick enough to take him with ease. But still, the stretching of your walls caused you to roll your head back and shut your eyes tight in discomfort, gridding your teeth and hissing.

Arthur quickly grabbed your hip with his left hand and then used his right to grab your jaw and gently force your head back up to meet his gaze.

“I said don’t stop looking at me. Trust me, please”

He kept his hand gently around your jaw as he fully sheathed himself inside of you. You were already throbbing but you kept your eyes to his. Your chest was heaving as you tried to get your breathing under control from this discomfort. Arthur paused once he was fully inside you. He leaned down and talked against your parted lips.

“It’s okay.. I know, I know it hurts..I’m sorry.”

“I want this Arthur... I’m ready” you managed to breath out

Arthur steadied his posture and leaned his forehead against yours.

“Deep breath”

You inhaled sharply as Arthur slowly pulled out of you until it was just his tip. As you breathed out, he kissed the tip of your nose and pushed back in fully, making you gasp loudly. You threw your hands above your head to grab the bottom of the headboard, stabilizing yourself from flailing.

“Again” he demanded tenderly

Another deep inhale, another scream.

“You’re okay. You’re so brave. Almost there sweetheart. Keep going”

Inhale, a whine this time

“Shhh... Shh.”

With each gentle thrust the pain became less and less. Arthur continued to lull you as your screams died down to whines. He tried to focus on lightly stretching you even though the tightness of your walls and the flushed look on your innocent face was unwinding him more and more with each thrust. He kept his face inches from yours with his mouth ajar, taking in every feature of your reactions.

You never kept your eyes off him now. You swallowed each other’s moans and sighs. Arthur observed how your pains turned into pleasure so he picked up the pace. His eyes finally left yours and landed on your heaving breasts. He let out a gratified groan before leaning down and sucking on your nipples generously. He wasn’t being as soft now seeing how your body answered to his vigilance differently.

You took this opportunity to finally let your head lean back, opening up your new-found senses. You moaned to the nibbles Arthur continued to display on your nipples. Your head swam with pleasure you’ve never felt before. The pain was almost completely gone, being overridden with the pulsing bliss that flowed through every vein of your being. Arthur’s thrusts became more and more erratic. His eyes were clouded with lust as he looked up again to only find your exposed neck since your head was still leaned back

“Look at me Y/N”

You snapped your head back up and looked into his eyes, no longer seeing any hints of green.

“I want you to cum for me again”

“Okay..”

You weren’t sure exactly how to cum on command. But before you could think too much into it, Arthur licked his finger then dragged his hand down your body until he reached your swollen bud. He began to draw vicious circles, then used his other hand to kneed at your, now inflamed, breasts. He leaned down into your neck and bit down hard. All of this happened at once which caused you to pant unevenly. And you both came instantly.

Arthur moaned loudly into your neck as he bit down even harder, feeling yourself come undone underneath him. Arthur stayed still as you rode out your second orgasm, wiggling and twitching beneath him... all the while spilling his own seed inside of you.

Arthur grabbed on to your side and shoulder blade, keeping you in place until you calmed down. Your eyes held a haze over them once you finally relaxed and looked over at him. He was smiling.

Such a satisfied smile.

“Arthur?” Your voice was trembling

“Yes darling?” He purred, still panting

“I.. I can’t feel my legs!”

Arthur began to laugh at your naive, serious tone as he watched your (y/e/c) eyes flick anxiously back and forth to each of his own.

“You fascinate me Y/N. Let’s get you cleaned up and I can rub your legs. Sound good love?”

“Yes please..”

[clementineesotsm]

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH EP 10, My Appreciation and How It Made Me Feel

Back to Korea where KSJ try to investigate the car and person that always tailed him in a while and while at the police office he asked JTE how is it like there in Corea? I might say this scene was well done. I love how JTE describe Corea, i love the editing, the music and KSJ reaction is priceless when JTE said she doesn’t found him there, he replied, because im here. Brb crying

Then they went to the cemetery in front of Gon’s doppelgänger grave. He tells JTE that he knows Gon because he hears him wailing. KKN and KGE acting here deserve appreciation, such a heartbreaking scene. I feel pain when JTE said “so you were here this whole time” and KSJ says “but am I supposed to be here?” Then the hugs 😭

Comes to the most most heartbreaking scene along this series. LR coming to Prince Buyeong place just when he is about to leave 🥺 HE. KILLED. PRINCE. BUYEONG 😭 i remember grasping the whole scene because this cant be, omg! I want him alive until the end, he is like a father figure to Gon. Shit! Everything about this scene was well made. From the camera movements, script, acting, music, everything was great yet really nerve wrecking. Kudos to the team and the writer. This will added burden to Gon and that is needed but the fact that we lose Prince Buyeong still makes me sad 😔

I realize in this scene LR also saying to Prince Buyeong that, he wants the whole flute tonhis possession. He dont know yet the extent of what he will able to do with it but he needs to be the one to have the whole of it. At this point i see his weakness. His greed and his anger seems to always get the best of him then make his judgment seems weak and lead him to his downfall. He seems to underestimating his enemy all the time

Next scene with yoyo boy is the best thing that happens this whole episode. I love that it is subtle and pretty poetic. And this mysterious yoyo boy keeps making us curious, who the hell is he? While holding king arthur herecomes one of the best conversation ever

LR “why weren’t you surprised?”

YB “because im a curious person. I hate blood. Did you fight?”

LR “im in the middle of a fight. I still have a long way to go. What are you reading?”

YB “King Arthur. Its a story about a man with noble blood drawing a sword and becoming king”

LR “only those with noble blood can become king? Thats a terroble story. Forget novle blood. The sword must be drawn by those who know how to use it”

YB “what is a villain draws the sword? Someone who is not just”

LR “justoce doesn’t make the sword. The sword decides what justice is”

YB “it seems that the thing in your world keep changing. 조심히 가세요 (goodbye). I want to know how this story ends”

I prefer to use 조심히 가세요 in korean because the meaning is more than just goodbye. Its actually kind of saying please be carefull on your way. Gives me some confusion, on what side this boy is and who is he anyway. Why he keeps on getting involved. Cool.

This episode also starting to shows us JY concerns of this relationship between Gon and JTE. Later we will realize that JY will becoming a bit of an annoying person because of his overprotective nature to Gon. But here he got a point, Gon need a queen. Does JTE will be able to leave everything and stay there? I kind of feel bitter, why always the woman need to choose to leave? Cant the boy did that? Leave his world and be with her? No? 😅 but if the woman is agree with it its fine though

Meanwhile in Corea, Gon was having a really long bad day, its kind of sad to see him sit down in a dark room alone, thinking about JTE then suddenly got news that his uncle was. Murdered. The scene in his room and move to him going down the plane, Lady Nohs fainted, gons silent and people cries for Gon were all heartbreaking. I swear episode 10 is when i cried a lot at here and there. This makes me think that this shows will end in sad ending

We comes to the end. Takes place in Korea where JTE is still have faith to grow the seed then suddenly she saw Gon in front of her house. But he seems different. He seems sad. He is coming still with his signature words

Gon “have you been well?”

JTE nods and says that it took him long time to come. Gon said he is coming from far away and realize that he never gave her flower and tells her he loves her like it is for the last time 🥺 parallel to JTE hugging while holding Gons hand in forest earlier, here she do it again while Gon is kissing her, but this time he. Disappeared. And when she opens her eyes, he is. Gone. Nowhere to be found. 🥺🥺 Both LMH and KGE are doing a great job here. The script was so heartbreaking here. Gon’s voice over make me stuffed, like, omg is he die? 😭😭

How it made me feel:

Wahh. Episode 10 is full of sad mood. Things are starting to go ugly. Everything was beautiful and well made. Love the cinematography, the music, superb acting, love the editing, love the plot progress so far. Mystery part was good, walking in line also with the romance. It keeps me wondering how it will ends and build up my curiosity more and more. I did not see prince buyeong death coming actually. Then i rewatch eps 9, their converstaion while seeing sunrise means a lot more and i cried harder.

Up until eps 10, im getting more hooked with the series. It gives me harry potter vibes to it and i love it. The series was more than just romance but also shows us about responsibilities and makes things right. About fate and destiny. Also i forgot to mention that i love the theme of science fiction meets urband legends and magic like this. Because it works and its magical. I think im bewitched 💯

This series seriously need more appreciation from people. Because its far from bad and im quite sad many people are actually hating on it extremely. I wish all the tkem cast and crew knew that this series was so good. And many people appreciate it so much. You guys are the winner for me.

[imdefyinggravity]

If you were to put Tin and Can in the BBC Merlin universe, what do you think they would be

Ugh, interesting. Hm lets start with Tin, that one is easier. So, hes obviously at least a nobel. Maybe even second born prince of some other kingdom. Not sure where to place him, since I would make him brother to Mithian, but we do know she doesnt have a sibling and concerning the middle ages, Tin would have been crownprince, so theres that. So I will go with some noble family in camelot, since I want him to be connected to Arthur in a way. They would go along splendidly, since their “I’m better than you” is only a mask in some way and I can see them having some fun on boring feasts and stuff like that. Arthur complaining about his idiotic manservant, while Tin wonders why on earth Arthur is even putting up with such an incompetent servant.

Can on the contrary is like I said before in my mind the knight in shining armour and I would love for him to actually be that chaotic knight, who all others shake their heads about, a bit similar to Gwaine in that way, always a bit messy, searching for something to eat etc. Then again Can is a commoner, and I cant imagine him as some noble, so no knight in shining armour, at least until Arthur gets crowned king and doesnt care about status and stuff anymore. Before that, where to put Can? Okay, I decided, his mother is a seamstress in camelot, working mostly for the servants of the castle. Therefore Can is often instructed to bring the repaired or newly sewn clothes to the castle. And since he’s friendly and very interested in all the gossip of the royal family, he likes to hang out there, sneaking into the kitchen, because the cook is very fond of the boy with the big smile and though she’s always complaining, kicking him out of her kitchen, shes still fetching him some snacks, which Can accepts with the brightest smile on earth. Afterwards he hangs out in the castle, gossiping with the maids and servants. He’s quite fond of Gwen, because they get along fine and Gwen always knows the best stories about that idiotic prince of camelot.

Nowadays she tells him, about that new manservant who had the guts and nerve to challenge the crownprince on his first day in camelot and Can is in awe, because damn, thats a level of idiotic, not even he does manage. So he hears all those stories of Merlin mouthing off to the crownprince, being sassy, throwing the future kings stuff in some random corners instead of actually cleaning the room, that he really really wants to meet that guy. Because he cant decide if Merlin is the toughest guy ever or one with some deathwish and one braincell only.

Its months later when they actually met, because Gwen is away with Morgana on some girly trip or whatever girls do, when they travel and therefore its actually Merlin whos around when Can delivers the new clothes. And Merlin actually doenst have a deathwish and more than one braincell and Can really likes that guy. Turns out Merlin can tell even better stories and Can listens to all the shit he says about his master. Can has a bit of a herocrush on Merlin, while Merlin is obviously very oblivious. They met a few times and since Merlin is a nice guy, he actually greets Can when they pass in the courtyard, sometimes stopping to have a short chat. And Can beams and Arthur does notice this. And we all know how Arthur reacts when someone pays attention to his Merlin, so he actually shouts at Merlin, while Merlin just rolls his eyes and keeps on talking, until theres a loud “MERlin” blasting through the citadel. Merlin giggles and Can does wonder how such a nice guy can work for such an arse.

One day Can passes the training field and stops for a moment to admire the swords and the fights going on, because wouldnt it be cool to be a knight? He’s still watching when starting to walk, clashing right into someone and they go down in a twirl of limbs and shouts. Well the other one shouts, because Can is way to cool for that, thank you very much. And okay, he wasnt looking, but thats no reason to curse at him and being that fucking rude. He takes it back, he doesnt want to be a knight, because nobles are fucking assholes. Can being Can, he’s not going down without a fight, so he actually punches the guy after the third insult. And he remembers to late, that this is no good idea, punching a noble does have consequences esp. when everyone can see you. And oh fuck, is that the crownprince coming their way?

Thankfully Merlin is not far away, actually being the first to be there and trying to calm down that noble bastard, trying to save Can from punishment, now arguing with the crownprince himself. And Can is once again awestruck. The nerve of that guy. And its actually going well, until bastard guy looks at Can watching Merlin and says “What? He’s your boyfriend or why are you protecting him?” And Merlin laughs but doesnt see how Arthurs whole attitude changes and now he looks at Can and Can can feel the hair at his back rising. He’s so fucked. He tries to look as innocent as he can, but Arthur has murder written in his eyes and what on earth is going on.

So Can goes in fightmode and shouts again at bastard guy, while Arthur is fuming and Merlin is really done. What has he ever done to deserve this life? So yeah, end of the song, Merlin does have his way to calm down his future king, pointing out how those two blow off while being around each other and he may has an idea, because he’s way smarter than most people give him credit for, especially his idiot of a master and he sees the way Tin reacts completly out of character concerning Can and thinks: hm, interesting. So he actually gets the punishment for punshing a noble down to Can running errands for Tin for the next days while he’s here and Can changes his mind. Merlin is no hero, and not someone to be in awe off, he’s actually a horrible person, betraying him like that.

And okay maybe Tin is not that bad when you get closer to him, but he’s still an arse but Can can handle idiots and they actually get along quite well, when Tin is not a snob, which Can gets never tired of pointing out. 

And its years later when Arthur decides knights do not need to be a noble, only need to be brave and have a pure heart and being loyal and its actually not Merlin pointing out, but Tin, that Can is all of that. And huh when exactly did those two get so cozy with each other? He needs to ask Merlin later about that, because for some reason, Merlin does always know whats going on in this kingdom. But yeah he’s right, so when the time comes, Can gets knighted and Tin is beaming with pride and yeah, NO ONE BLOODY DIES IN MY CAMELOT. Thank you very much. The End

[darthyentruoc]

Run Away With Me

Mary-beth Gaskill x Reader

I suck at using punctuation so please forgive me if parts make no sense.

Also use whatever name and pronoun that makes you comfortable.

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It was one of many sleepless nights at beaver hollow, the way your mind raced about everything made it so hard to rest, you knew it was getting to mary-beth also, you tried to soothe her worry but she wasnt stupid she could see how the gang was falling apart and how close we all were to being abushed by bounty hunters because of dutchs stupid plans.

Your eyes gazed around the camp everyone divided even whilst asleep one group on one side another on the next it made you sad to see it like this so torn and depressing you felt mary-beth stirring on your chest 'you awake?' You whispered expecting no response 'yea, i cant sleep, my nerves are shot' she answered rising into a sitting position you did the same 'you dont have to worry ok....ill keep you safe but i need to make sure we help as many as we can' you explained making extra care to keep your voice low 'run' she said gently grabbing your hands 'run away with me and dont look back' she was absolutely serious 'you know i cant, i want nothing more than for us to be done with all of this but.... it .....it aint that simple and you know that as well, if i leave...if we leave and a couple of weeks down the line we read about a massacre where women and a child were killed by bounty hunters we could never live with ourselves' you explained before lifting her dainty hands to your lips and pressing a kiss to them. 'I know, i guess i was just dreamin. Thats all, youre right weve gotta get everyone out','ive got a plan to do it but i need your help, tomorrow find out which ones want to stay and who wants to go. Ill make sure me and arthur, john, charles or sadie is on watch tomorrow night, ill set up a wagon not far from here where you can get away' she nodded as you both lay back down and tried to fall asleep.

The next morning you left camp early in search of a wagon to hide, after finding it relatively early you attatched your horse and rode back to camp but through the back entrance and left it along the river.

You entered camp nervously making sure it was safe 'nice day out?' Bill questioned you rolled your eyes at him ignoring him completely and carrying on into camp. Mary-beth was on you like a hawk 'i spoke to everyone i could so Pearson, Uncle, Me, Karen, Abigail, Jack and John' you eyed her suspiciously 'what about Tilly and Susan?' She shook her head at your words at that you quickly locked eyes with tilly who was stood drinking a cup of coffee by the stew pot and walked over to her 'dont even ask me, i know what youre here for, i aint no traitor','tilly just listen, this here is done... there aint nothing to betray dutch he .... well hes lost himself and we are all gonna pay the price, please just do as i ask. Go with mary-beth and pearson ok i couldnt get over it if you died because of your unwavering loyalty' she seemed to roll your words around for a minute before deciding 'alright ill go, i guess for what its worth youre right' she finished, rushing off to pack her things up.

Next you went after Mrs Grimshaw probably the most loyal of the whole gang but you had to try to at least save her, you and mary-beth spotted her by her tent reading before approaching her quietly. She looked up at you both eyeing you suspiciously 'susan?' You said as you knelt down toward her, 'what can i do for you Mr/Miss Morgan?','i need you to leave' you started your sentance causing her to giggle 'leave... whatever for?' She asked closing her book and placing it down next to her. 'This is over susan you know it as well as me, that if the pinkertons come through again they will massacre us all! Now dutch he is deluded and we are all going to pay the price',' i cant leave Y/N ive been apart of this gang for so long i dont know anything else, i always figured id die for it' she explained a nostalgic smile painting her face 'i know, we all did but it aint worth it. The girls they need you, i need you, to die this way would be a waste you still have a chance.....please do it for me' you pleaded 'ill think about it Mr/Miss Morgan',' thats all i ask' you finished before standing and walking away.

'Did you find out who's on guard?','Charles swapped with Javier and Bill so you and Charles are on guard tonight' she smiled knowing that everything was coming together and so did you knowing that the people who you respected most were getting a second chance at life.

That night you went on guard as normal, waiting for it to get dark and for everyone to go to sleep seemed to take forever. As soon as both were apparent you signalled to everyone to move down the hill, you, Sadie, Arthur and Charles led them to the wagon and tethered up the horses. You began to feel a lump in your throat forming as you all hugged everyone for maybe the last time 'thank you, youre saving my family' abigail sobbed as john held onto her and his son giving you a respectful nod. Looking around it seems like everyone but susan was on the wagon, your heart sank as you didnt want her to die for something that didnt matter anymore but as you were about to go back for her she patted you on the shoulder 'room for one more Mr/Miss Morgan?' You smiled as you guided her by the hand up onto the wagon.

You finally turned to mary-beth her eyes were wet with tears 'please come with me' she sobbed cupping your face gently, 'i cant right now theres some things i need to do. Ive told pearson to set up a camp near lake owanjila so ill be there ok, i promise' you finished as you planted a gentle yet beautiful kiss onto her lips for maybe the last time, you took in everything; the way her perfume smelled, the heat of her skin, the softness of her lips all the little things you tried to memorize.

You wiped the stray tears off of her cheeks and guided her up onto the wagon next to Tilly 'you look after her, do you hear?' You said 'of course we will you look after yourself, all of you' Tilly smiled as she wrapped her arm around your love, mary-beths eyes were locked onto yours as the wagon began to depart.

You Sadie, Arthur and Charles waved until the wagon was out of sight 'what are we going to tell dutch?','i dont know do you think he'll believe we fell asleep' you all laughed at your responce patting you on the back and heading back up to beaver hollow, you did nothing. Standing in the road your heart breaking, with nothing but hope that you would reunite with them again, Your family. Your love.

[wanda-peitro-lorna-maximoff]

Chapter 5

Inspiration just kinda hit me on this one... it's more of a dive into building Arthur and Gwen's relationship and how everyone is impacted by that... so that we can see how things will change later when Gwen's gone, so... sorry about that. But in either the next chapter or the chapter after that will be A LOT more of the Morgana/Mab stuff :)

Morgana was almost 19 now. She was ready to put her 18th birthday behind her. Her 18th year behind her....

It was a sunday morning when they officially made her brother, Arthur, king. And it was only a week later that her and Mab broke up. Mab had gotten increasingly cruel as she grew. Morgana understood why she would be... she knew that humans werent always... good to her kind. But the way she set up deals and repayments for the smallest grievances... Morgana thought it was inhumane... of course Mab argued that it was nothing compared to the generations of slaughter and prejudice against her own people. Who will miss a few children? Or a stray man or woman? But it turned Morganas stomach to see her talk in such a way... to be so... okay with these things. It finally came to ahead when Morgana helped a young girl... not much older than herself, and a man escape from Mabs ownership. All it took was some well placed advice... knowledge anyone could read up on, really... that Faries... especially Mab... couldnt see green cloaks. And when Bonny and tam lin got their happily ever after... it was only a matter time that Morgana was found out. It also probably helped that Morgana berated her infront of the court.

Morganas mood was noticed by everyone. She was more closed off... less happy than she had been at the height of her relationship with Mab. Gwen of course had been on Morganas side the whole time but... between helping Arthur and... the proposal happening only a few months before his crowning as king... she had a lot on her plate...

Morgana couldnt help the slight bite of jealousy that creeped into her heart when she saw how happy Arthur and Gwen were...

But it all came to ahead when Arthur found out. Not just that Morgana was seeing someone, but that it was well known that his sister liked to fool around-- with other women too-- and that her latest scandal involved none other than a 'fairy'. Arthur and Morgana had a shouting match over the whole thing.

Of course Arthur honestly didnt care what sex she preffered as long as it was someone worthy of loving. Someone good, who would love Morgana not for her status or 'mystery' or... feminine wiles... but for the wonderful sister he truly thought she was. And needless to say, Mab did not-- in Arthur's eyes-- meet these requirements AT ALL.

He tried to get these feelings across to her but every time he tried he just sounded like some raging racist.... he sounded like his father. And after every fight Arthur was drained. He felt hollow in his heart. 'A king never backs down.' 'A king is always right. He does what's best for those he loves. Even if they cant see that.' 'A king never backs down. He stands firm.' The words scratched at the front of Arthur's mind and heart. Deep in his soul all he wanted to do was run to his sister and tell her how sorry he was... not just for this instance but for every one since. He always said sorry. Of course he did. But he never felt satisfied with the plain apology. To say sorry at all was implying he made a mistake. Kings cant make mistakes. He still had something to prove... didnt he? But to who? Not his father. Not his council. No... his people. And no one understood that better than Gwen. Bit by bit as they worked together, whenever gwen came to visit him in the library, whenever they would read or just sit in each others company... bit by bit Gwen would tear down every wall that his father built around Arthur's heart. And when she was around... Arthur... the real Arthur shown like the morning sun on a clear winter day. Whenever they would visit the knights together, seeing the young squires, Arthur would always tell them stories of his own, and praise them for their work. They loved his stories and his deep laugh. Whenever they would walk around the castle, the woman tending to the laundry would always smile a little more because of Arthur. He always greeted them with kindness. Even the wizard Merlin and his world weary eyes would smile fondly whenever Arthur and Gwen visited his tower...

Gwen loved Arthur deeply. He reminded her of a warm blanket. Comforting... like it could protect you from all harm... but soft and warm and familiar. She almost cried when Arthur clumsily proposed in the garden to her... even if it happened only a short while ago, she remembers it fondly. And regularly teases her fiance for his adorable clumsy self of course. The great king Arthur, clumsy.

They hadn't even planned a wedding yet and it already felt like theyd been married forever... especially due to the fact that many people kept asking for kids or a real wedding date. When the topic came up at the first real 'family' dinner Morgana, Arthur, Gwen and Merlin had had in a while Arthur nearly choked on his wine. Morgana and Merlin could barely contain their laughter while Gwen grinned widely at her fiance. Kids... Gwen didng necessarily want a big family, but to have the complete set; a mom, a dad and a child would be very nice... her own family dynamic was never very close... so to make one of her own, a traditional one, would be a very nice aspect.

Arthur on the other hand was mildly terrified. His first thoughts were wanting to NOT be his father... his second thoughts were how cute a baby girl would be... and the last were the unfortunate thoughts of an heir...

Girls were so much easier. She wouldnt have to worry about being king or training to be one, so no worries there. And he could brag about how beautiful his daughter was, and be a great protective dad and Morgana would be the best aunt... Yeah. He wanted girls. If he had to get kids... girls would be the easiest. To bond with a boy... his own boy... would be a recipe for disaster. It would be like looking in a mirror... like raising himself. The last thing he wanted... was a carbon copy of him. He'd be lucky if the daughter was a copy of Gwen, but of HIM? Heaven help him.

The dinner went on with more of these thoughts... a growing family, the future... Morgana was of course happy for them... but her heart ached every time Gwen got that look in her eye whenever Arthur mentioned kids. She wanted to be the cause of that... to be the reason Gwen was so happy...

But... they were BOTH happy... Arthur... and Gwen. She had found someone, and it just happened not to work out... Gwen and Arthur were together and Morgana would be happy for them... and she'll be damned if she wont be the best aunt ever to that future baby.