#because i am very aware that i have a pattern of blocking people if they're nice to ms | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vexy-hexy · 6 months

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Finally watched/listened to the full 4 hour call the Senate had with Rosa, and oh my God, that was NASTY

Here's my thoughts while I was watching it, with time stamps

I'm making this comment as I go through the video, so this is my thought process throughout the video

Before I start, my assumptions going in are that Rosa was a mod in Star Giant's server, was told about Nekopawn (How do you spell that?) grooming kids, but didn't do anything about it, including not telling Star Giant, so I'm hoping some evidence of Rosa being told and ignoring it is talked

29:31 If Rosa should just block him and move on, couldn't Ziad do the same thing to her if it pissed him off? Because, like Ziad is allowed to complain about others on his Twitter, she and others are also allowed to complain about him on Twitter. Or, were she and others making sock puppets to harass him?

30:51 "I'm sensing a pattern here, a very gross pattern" funnily enough, so am I

31:10 they say here they're not talking about Nekopawn, and they're talking about how Andrew Clark defended Cuties (which, gross), and it sounded (to me) like Rosa was asking when he did that when she asks for the timeline, but then they immediately start on about the Nekopawn grooming. Like, I could be completely wrong, but it didn't seem like Rosa was asking when the grooming happened, just trying to figure out when the cuties thing happened

35:32 By the way, when DID this grooming happen? Because, if it was years ago, then what do her tweets as of then and how much she tweeted at the time have to do with anything? Did her and Ziad begin having beef recently or was it something that happened a while ago and she kept dragging it up, because, if it's the latter, then I guess I can see why it's relevant. It sounds like these things happened around the same time, but, given the fact that they also

34:18 when the hell did this person try to be nice? Rosa is correct, she tries to answer their questions and they don't ask for clarifications, they make an assumption on what she means, and then hound her for THEIR assumptions

36:02 ok, shit take Rosa

36:34 far as I'm aware, we, the public, don't have that evidence, and given how these guys can sometimes take evidence and misconstrue it, I'm struggling to have any faith in them (if someone can prove me wrong, please do, I'd like to be wrong about this part)

44:08 Isn't Lio JUST now addressing how awful this call was a year later? And I mean, on YouTube? (Again, if I'm wrong and he publicly denounced it earlier than a short segmant in his video a few months ago, please correct me)

(Side note, Lio says they sent Rosa apologies for this call the day after it happened, but, apparently, Rosa says they never apologized. Do Lio and co. ever show proof they apologized?)

45:10 isn't she being more specific? She's said she feels sorry for not handling the Nekopawn situation better, only to be cut off by Peaches being sarcastic and nasty

446:13 funny, I could say the EXACT same about these people

47:36 cool, so Blu acknowledges you can miss the good times with sh*tty people. I say this as an autistic person who is probably younger than most of the people talking in the Senate (I just turned 22 in January): I'm considered to be on the "higher end of the spectrum", but I am still INCREDIBLY gullible and easily manipulated. It was so easy to be convinced and then convince myself that anything my "friends" did was fine, and if I had a problem with anything, I was just being overdramatic because "how dare I think these people can do bad things, they put up with me, so how can they be bad? I'm such a bad friend for questioning them." Look, I don't know if Rosa is anything like me when I was a kid and didn't know how to handle serious things (and I very much do agree she should have done something, ANYTHING, when people brought the grooming to her attention), but if Peaches' grooming can be used to explain why they invalidated another person's grooming story a few years back (see the Crystal Flame situation), I fail to see how being an easily manipulated person cannot also be used as an explanation (not an excuse, an EXPLANATION)

50:20 BITCH, I WOULD BE CRYING, THE FACT ROSA ISN'T AMAZES ME

51:29 again, what does this have to do anything?

52:10 then how is he a piece of shit? Quite honestly, I don't think MOST of the people in this call have ever touched grass, but that’s not why I think they're pieces of shit

54:19 I presume this talking about the call Lio has on his channel, which I also listened to, and, TBH, she’s not wrong about how that call was abusive

56:10 I could say the EXACT same thing about your kid Lio

57:52 I wish Peaches would stop pretending to care

58:11 Why WOULD she thank you???

58:40 when? When were they calm? She didn't even say that, that's their assumption of what she meant

59:09 I hope Blu and everyone else feels guilty for this call

59:58 wait? What?

1:00:38 And I'd think Lio publicly (in a video) addressing how abusive, ableist, and nasty this call was should take priority over Miku, but, what do I know?

1:01:52 I agree with this. If Rosa CAN get into contact with Star Giant and tell them to address the Nekopawn situation, she should, and if Rebecca refuses, she absolutely needs to drop her

1:02:10 WHY DOES THE STAR WARS STUFF KEEP COMING UP??? I'M GENUINELY SO CONFUSED??? WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE GROOMING???

1:03:16 why is this Leah person being given the floor before any of the victims?

1:04:09 and I also hate liars... I also hate ableist bullies who don’t seem to know what nuance is, what's your point???

1:05:52 so, when Ziad is supposedly harassing people, it's fine???

1:06:05 ok, if that's true, that's screwed up and I would also be rude to those people

1:06:31 with that logic, so can Rosa??? I'm so confused, is she the one trying to dox him? If she's just complaining about him on Twitter, what's the problem? Shouldn't Ziad be more focused on the people trying to dox him instead of someone saying their opinion on him? Like, what did Rosa's tweets even say? Were they THAT bad?

1:06:33 again, if she can do that to Ziad, why can't Ziad block and ignore her and her opinions on him??? I'm being serious and genuine, I don't understand WHY he couldn't do that??? If someone knows, I'd appreciate it

1:06:40 ah yes, Coyote Lovely, the guy who a few months later was exposed to be in contact (and I think friends) with a known groomer and zoo

1:09:21 pot meet kettle

1:09:33 I could be completely mistaken, but wasn't it revealed that Ziad DID threaten someone using a sock puppet account? Like, I listened to both of Lio's videos on him yesterday and that's what I got from them. Was there ever any evidence of him doing this to other people like his haters? I'm actually curious (again, if someone knows that he didn't send any threats to his detractors, that info would be greatly appreciated)

1:09:48 ok, so Leah is older than I am

1:10:21 oh yeah, like that's believable 🙄

1:11:50 oh, cool, so, according to Dr Lio Convoy, you can only have PTSD if you've been to war. Does this mean grooming victims can't have PTSD? Or are you specifically talking about online bullying? Because, wouldn't that mean Peaches can't have PTSD or trauma from the Peaches drama a few years back?

1:12:43 and here's Dr Leah who apparently knows everything about seizures, despite the fact that they're incorrect and repeated seizures CAN cause brain damage and lead to memory loss

1:13:09 maybe it's just me, but I feel like they kinda SHOULD care how Rosa's seizures affect her???

1:13:39 I feel like that's a stupid comparison...

1:14:09 apparently they also know when something isn't a panic attack because they have panic attacks "sometime"

1:14:35 panic attacks are different for everyone (but, I'll admit, I don't think I've ever seen the call they're talking about). Also, their analogies suck, they could've just said light switch, why specifically a light switch in a bathroom???

1:15:22 cool, more bad faith assumptions based on someone they've NEVER met. I'm curious where this 23 year old is studying to be a doctor since they can apparently diagnose someone as faking panic attacks over a call

1:15:39 literally, Lio acts more like an anime protagonist than Rosa (from what I've heard). Have you heard him yelling? It sounds like he's a shitty voice actor. I've heard comic dubs by 12 year olds with more believable rage than Lio

1:16:08 how many times have they interrupted Rosa now? I lost count

1:16:32 well now I'm even more confused, because I don't hear Rosa acting "cutesy UwU", I've only heard her struggle to speak and not understanding what's going on

1:16:41 She does have special needs, and Lio KNOWS this, so WHY hasn't he stepped in and confirmed that Rosa IS special needs?

1:16:52 really, I couldn't tell 🙄. Again, to me, these people sound more like wannabe voice actors than Rosa does TF 🤨

1:18:19 so they're NOT a doctor??? So why are they acting like they know anything???

1:18:51 has Lio considered the memory loss is Rosa trying to explain and not excuse?

1:19:23 1: that wasn't even a clever insult and 2: cool, telling Rosa to commit self delete

1:20:26 ok, so the grooming started in 2019 but was revealed in 2020

1:20:40 she literally didn't say that!

1:21:45 wait? What? Weren't they just giving Rosa crap for not listening to this Mongrel person (despite saying they also wouldn't listen to them), and it's Rosa's fault for giving Mongrel another chance? What?

1:22:17 so Rosa may not have been contacted about Nekopawn? Because they're asking if Rosa KNEW about the email?

1:22:24 why are they confronting ROSA about STAR GIANT complaining that they needed to ban Nekopawn? They're getting mad at the wrong person

1:23:02 IDK, why didn't the Senate try harder to get her in a call?

1:23:25 so Rosa isn't Rebecca's friend by Rebecca's OWN admission???

1:23:38 I THOUGHT THEY SAID SOMEONE EMAILED STAR GIANT ABOUT NEKO??? I THOUGHT STAR GIANT WAS ALREADY AWARE OF THE GROOMING AND THAT'S WHY THEY WERE COMPLAINING ABOUT HAVING TO BAN NEKO? If Star Giant ALREADY KNEW about the grooming, what was Rosa SUPPOSED TO DO? This whole call, I thought that the victims only went to Rosa and, because she never said anything, Star Giant didn't know, but they're saying that they contacted both Star AND another person who WENT TO STAR GIANT?! Like, even if Rosa DID try to ban Nekopawn (even though she apparently couldn't ban people), Star COULD'VE just added them back KNOWING of the grooming? Like, I'm confused, am I misunderstanding them?

1:23:46 just a guess, but maybe it was the seizure induced memory loss?

1:23:52 oh, did you go to war?

1:25:02 your problem is with Star!

1:26:01 look, I feel horrible hearing this victim of Nekopawn speak, what they went through is HORRIBLE, but they keep bringing up their grievances with STAR as if ROSA is the one who did them

1:27:44 and yet, somehow Lio, you still come across as chronically online

1:29:00 why are they bringing up the email sent to STAR GIANT? Again, this is Rosa, bring up the stuff you can prove was sent to HER and can prove she didn’t act upon the situation properly

1:29:25 I feel like a broken record, but STAR GIANT SAID THAT!

1:29:56 how does being a fan of someone have anything to do with memory problems?

1:31:29 I'm sorry WHAT?

1:32:12 Lio, you DO harass people on the internet

1:33:31 do they know if Star ever got abused, or are they just assuming she's overdramatising an insult about her editing? I mean, even if Star WAS abused, that doesn’t excuse them doing nothing about a groomer

1:33:42 so does Lio and this entire fucking server

1:33:54 then where is it? Bring THAT up instead of repeatedly bringing up what Star Giant did and said

1:34:18 irony? How is Rosa not remembering and someone else remembering details about her ironic?

1:37:22 it wasn’t Rosa's server though? Seriously, am I missing something?

1:38:11 or maybe Rosa was looking for other LGBT people to be friends with? Why do they immediately assume she's using LGBT people as shields?

1:39:15 where did she say she fetishisizes LGBT people? The bad faith assumptions are insane

1:40:52 okay, yeah, why was that recording ignored? That's messed up

1:42:26 very much agree, Rosa needs to get rid of Star Giant

1:43:14 STAR SAID THAT, NOT ROSA! WHY ARE YOU GETTING ON ROSA ABOUT SOMETHING STAR SAID?

1:44:37 they haven't let her speak? And when she gets the chance, they doubt or mock or interrupt her

1:47:53 Rosa ISTG 🤦‍♀️

1:51:25 where the hell did that even come from?

1:52:51 I guess those without talent also spend their free time being ableist bullies

1:55:57 and Rosa is the one acting like an anime protagonist?

1:56:12 so, now Lio is insulting Rosa's appearance, that's great and absolutely called for 🙄

1:56:18 "I care very much so about people with disabilities" mmmm, why don't I believe that?

1:56:36 BITCH STOP ASKING! YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE!

1:57:36 GEE, I WONDER WHY SHE WOULD WANT TO LEAVE???

1:57:50 isn’t that why she’s here? Because, so far, a majority of this call is just calling her stupid, saying ableist shit, and blaming her for stuff someone else said

1:58:20 they also cut her off repeatedly and didn't listen to her when she DID specify what she was sorry for and continued to treat her like an idiot

1:58:29 at this point, I'm confused about what Rosa did too, because the most outrageous stuff they've brought up is stuff they said Star Giant said, not Rosa. Again, maybe I'm misunderstanding and I apologize if that's the case but it's not very clear

1:59:29 I wish I was in this call because I have words to say and questions to ask

1:59:51 I don't know what's going on

2:00:01 oh, hey, unnecessary insults again

2:00:51 the way they talk to Rosa makes me wonder if they think SHE'S the groomer

2:01:28 "you've gone off topic so many times" YEAH, SO HAVE YOU AND ALMOST EVERYONE ELSE WHO SPOKE PEACHES! The only Naruto role player is you and your friends

2:02:10 and more ableism

2:02:55 wait, I thought they said earlier someone else snitched on the victims, not Rosa??? Did I misunderstand?

2:04:00 okay, first off, you don't know if she was sick or not Lio, second off knock off the slut-shaming, literally what reason was there for you to say that?

2:04:56 ok, so Lio admits he's threatening her now, and he's also telling her to self delete

2:05:32 wait? Find her family? How? Is he going to stalk her or something? That's a really weird thing to threaten

2:05:41 so Lio acknowledges she's LGBT now, and we know that he knows her parents are her caregivers, but he has no problems outing her to the people she relies on to live

2:05:47 kinda curious what Lio's excuse is for this call happening and everything he said, especially since he's older than Rosa and, apparently, has stronger morals

2:06:04 so you did stalk her? And are now threatening to harass her on her Facebook? Also, reblog is Tumblr you fucking idiot

2:06:31 now Lio is threatening to spread this through her town

2:06:41 couldn't happen to a better person? At the time of this call, you were friends with people more deserving of this vitrol. I wonder how Lio's town and family would react to him verbally abusing and bullying a disabled woman with 60+ people watching and others joining in?

2:07:10 HOW IS THAT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS???

2:09:15 if I hear that Peaches cried when people called them out for being a litle ableist bitch bully, I'm gonna lose my shit

2:09:38 WHEN DID SHE SAY ANY OF THAT???

2:10:05 sincerely, the slut comment was unnecessary

2:11:22 okay, so, Rosa can't interrupt Lio, but he's free to interrupt her and cut her off whenever he wants

2:11:39 WHAT THE FUCK LIO?!

2:13:13 she sounds so distressed

2:14:25 "say whatever you want about me being a horrible person" you mean in this server full of your friends that have repeatedly interrupted her, twisted her words, and thrown insults at her? Where at least one of them has already excused you spamming your haters, but Rosa apparently can't complain about you?

2:14:49 at this point, I also don't respect you Ziad

2:16:56 and now Ziad sounds like an anime character giving a tragic backstory monolog

2:18:36 clearly since you obviously haven't learned shit

2:19:18 didn’t Ziad say he hoped Rosa got hit by a car on Twitter? (I could be wrong) And several times IN THIS CALL people have told her that she should self delete?

2:19:26 well the ableism isn't false now I guess

2:20:18 wasn't that tweet addressed earlier in the call? Because, from my memory, the tweet wasn't accusing Ziad of being a homicidal maniac, it was an exaggerated way of saying Ziad silences people who are against him

2:20:49 "we're not abusing you!" Highly debatable

2:22:05 ISTG, everytime Peaches talks, I want to bash my head in with a brick

2:22:24 oh, cool, another doctor who can apparently diagnose strangers over Discord

2:24:24 you are a terrible person

2:24:56 I could say the EXACT SAME THING ABOUT ALMOST EVERYONE ON THIS CALL

2:27:39 IT WASN'T ROSA'S SERVER! STOP SPREADING MISINFORMATION!

2:28:50 maybe she just calmed down? Also, I thought she still sounded distressed while talking to Ziad

2:29:38 and yet, here Ziad is taking attention away from the grooming to yell at Rosa about shit on Twitter that, according to these people, shouldn't matter as much as the grooming

2:31:27 was ROSA the one calling Ziad a pedo??? Because that's disgusting and disappointing if so

2:32:12 oh, hey, Sappho's BFF is back

2:33:22 so Ziad DOES go after people with differing opinions??? I'm confused again

2:36:30 most of what you people have brought up isn't relevant to Rosa

2:37:40 LIO DID THREATEN TO TALK TO HER MOM! HOW WAS THAT A FAKE THREAT?

2:37:54 the next time I hear Peaches crying and having a panic attack, I'll just assume that they're lying because their mummy didn't raise them right

2:41:12 I counted, Coyote said the 'r' slur 9 times in a row

2:42:48 legit, those examples aren't even in the same ballpark Lio, and I think you know that

2:42:56 so, wait, Ziad can say his opinion all he wants, and people can't say anything bad about him, but if someone says something HE doesn't agree with (because even if a movie is factually bad, people can still have the opinion that it was good), he’s allowed to rip apart their opinions? That's what I'm getting in this section

2:43:09 and you're a piece of shit Lio, and I guess you always will be 🤷‍♀️

2:43:40 IT WASN'T ROSA'S SERVER AND YOU KNOW THAT LIO! CALLING IT "your server" WHEN SPEAKING TO ROSA MISLEADS THOSE WHO DON'T FUCKING KNOW AND PILES THE RESPONSIBILITIES THAT COME WITH OWNING A SERVER, WHICH ROSA DIDN'T HAVE BECAUSE IT WASN'T HER SERVER, ONTO HER

2:45:01 that's somehow the stupidest fucking suggestion I've ever heard so far. Who the hell would give people bullying them their login info? Quite frankly, I wouldn't be shocked if these people used that to say shit on her accounts and frame her for it

2:47:47 and now Lio is dehumanizing her, great

2:49:12 and fatphobia, because that's not disgusting and uncalled for

2:51:26 is it just me or is Peaches slurring their words?

2:51:58 these people keep bouncing between the Nekopawn situation and Twitter beef between Rosa and Ziad

2:52:45 funny, I'm curious if anyone in this call is sorry for the disgusting shit they said, or if they're just sorry they're now being called out

2:53:03 hasn't Rosa apologized several times in this call for her inaction about Nekopawn? I mean, all fairness, she has brought up how her personal life got in the way almost (if not every) time she said sorry, so I can see why it wouldn't feel genuine

2:53:19 so, Lio's wishing harm upon a disabled person from their caregiver

2:53:57 so, first she's an anime protagonist, and now she's an NPC

2:54:33 I WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING ABOUT THE SENATE

2:54:47 LMAO, THE IRONY 🤣

2:55:59 and you people didn't help that victim and I HIGHLY doubt ANY of these people actually give a shit about kids being groomed after this call. This call has shown me that they just want to bully people in the open, but in a way that makes people think they're good people

2:56:25 SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT PEACHES ISTG!

2:58:08 *cough cough* pot meet kettle *cough cough*

2:59:58 I hope Lio sees my comment, maybe he'll answer all my questions

3:03:30 NO YOU'RE NOT BEING NICE AND YES, YOU ARE YELLING AT HER!

3:03:42 I'd argue most of these people can't come back from this "mistake" of a call

3:06:47 and yet, despite being used, this person clearly doesn't have an OUNCE of empathy or understanding for Rosa

3:09:37 if you gave STAR the evidence, how is it Rosa's fault that STAR told Neko? These people keep bringing up shit Star Giant did and said and demanding Rosa's answers for someone else's actions

3:11:16 Lio, you've lost your temper SEVERAL TIMES in JUST this call alone

3:11:40 so Lio ACKNOWLEDGES that Rosa needs a caretaker and incapable of taking care of herself

3:14:03 ...I feel like that sentence alone says a lot about what this call was actually about...

3:14:18 the fucking dramatic voice 😂 anime protagonist much

3:14:58 didn't Lio literally acknowledge that Rosa was LGBT earlier when he said he would out her to her parents, even if they were homophobic?

3:15:33 I couldn't given everyone was screaming insults at Rosa

3:16:01 well Peaches, I guess YOU would know something about bitch boy tears 🤷‍♀️

3:16:25 Dr Peaches in the house now, diagnosing someone over a fucking Discord call

3:16:36 wait, I didn't know Peaches fought in wars too? Or does Lio think you can only have PTSD if you're a war vet UNLESS he likes you?

3:16:51 I can't tell if Peaches is knowingly lying and twisting Rosa's words, or if they've somehow just convinced themselves that Rosa ACTUALLY said ANY of that, but I'm hoping it's the latter...

3:18:28 ROSA DIDN'T FUCKING SAY THAT!

3:18:38 were they? Because, if memory serves me correct, Blu is the one who initially assumed Rosa said grooming had an expiration date

3:19:35 maybe she gets quiet because everyone interrupts her and doesn't let her speak ... Just a thought...

3:20:06 WHEN DID SHE SAY THAT?????

3:20:50 oh cool, so Lio would murder his own disabled child for not doing enough to stop a predator

3:21:57 Lio quite literally told her she wasn't allowed to leave yet, and told (threatened) her that, if she did, he would contact her parents

3:22:03 if I find out that Peaches couldn't find the time to send an apology to Rosa for this call before deleting their shit, I'm gonna lose it

3:22:36 and abortion jokes. Also, Lio making fun of Rosa's appearance

Again... what is this, the 5th time?

3:23:34 PONDER, THANK EVERYTHING!

3:24:03 Lio back pedaling so fast LOL

3:24:28 she asked for a fucking reason Lio

3:24:55 none of you have even let her say more than 2 sentences at a time, how could she have gone on "tangents"? Also, not Lio fucking lying to Ponder

3:24:57 "never being able to answer direct questions" whenever she tried, someone would cut her off

3:25:03 YES PONDER, THANK YOU!

3:26:20 these fuckers got REAL quiet real fast

3:27:12 no she fucking didn't, stop twisting her words!

3:27:20 Ponder is finally asking the right questions

3:28:03 wow, Lio got real quiet...

3:29:27 thank you Harley and Ponder

3:29:39 fucking idiot

3:31:10 WHEN WERE ANY OF YOU TRYING TO BE NICE???

3:33:04 these bitches are STRUGGLING to explain themselves to Ponder

3:34:50 so many people seem to be leaving the call now that the bullying is done

3:35:40 THERE'S A DIFFERENCE? I'm so glad they called that shit out

3:36:25 Ponder was literally stunned by how stupid Lio sounded

3:37:13 I cannot believe I'm agreeing with Coyote...

3:37:56 I'M SO GLAD THEY CALLED WHOEVER THAT IS OUT ON THAT

3:38:26 how many excuses have you and your friends tried to make for their bullying in the past 15 or so minutes Ponder has been here?

3:39:29 you're letting her speak? You're giving her your patience? Legit when?

3:39:46 OH MY GOD, I WAS NOT EXPECTING SOMEONE TO ACTUALLY CALL THEM ON HOW THEY WERE MAKING EXCUSES

3:41:06 I'm so glad Harley brought up these threats and blackmail

3:41:32 LIO ADMITTED IT WAS A THREAT! AND HE WAS YELLING!

3:42:32 that's because it WAS intimidation

3:44:38 guys got a point, they're beating a dead horse

3:46:09 I'm so glad Ponder called Lio on this shit

3:47:23 THEY CHANGED HER NAME???

3:48:25 well, these people have shown it's unsafe for her

3:49:14 So, it's confirmed Lio knew and never said anything

3:49:58 Lio may not have brought them into this call, but he is (apparently) the owner of this server

3:50:11 Lio can interrupt anyone he wants, but God forbid anyone interrupt Lio

3:50:15 whether he used the slur or not, Lio was still ableist against someone he KNEW was disabled! How many times did he shame Rosa for not having a job or for living with her parents (caretakers!) at 30? He KNEW she couldn't take care of herself, and still repeatedly shamed and mocked her for it as if she was just lazy and stupid rather than incapable. He also continuously mocked her for not understanding "basic" questions and called her "mush mouth" MULTIPLE TIMES! Just because he didn't say the 'r' slur, doesn't mean he wasn't being ableist

Speaking of ableist little bitches, I haven't heard Peaches say anything for a bit and they wouldn't stfu earlier

3:50:49 THANK YOU! I HOPE YOU'RE LISTENING LIO

3:51:39 I'm going to say this rn, I don't believe for a SECOND that Coyote didn't know Rosa was disabled

3:51:49 I'm so glad some of these people are calling Lio out for withholding information about Rosa

3:52:14 that makes no sense and now I'm almost positive Coyote knew she was disabled and is just trying to cover his ass

3:53:09 I do. I think you were trying to make about yourself. You're also continuing to make it about yourself

3:54:45 you're right Lio, this IS your server, so why did it take so long for you to get off your ass and handle this?

3:55:02 "I'm not a qualified therapist" no shit and thankfully

3:55:31 DUDE, THEY WERE PROBABLY SCARED OF YOU AND YOUR POSSE! And, why does it feel like Lio is trying to shift the attention off of him and onto Harley and Grimace (?)

3:56:38 HA! THEY'RE NOT WRONG

I mean, seriously, a few people tried to say Ponder was making excuses for Rosa when she finally said something

3:57:54 people have VOCALLY said the same things

4:00:08 HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE FAKED A PANIC ATTACK AND PRETEND CRIED! YOU'RE JUST ASSUMING THAT

TL;DR I somehow came out of this call more confused about the Nekopawn situation than when I went in, and the stuff these people said was disgusting and nasty and I hope they're reflecting on their actions and apologize to Rosa. Lio may say he doesn't stand by this call because "it happened a year ago" but I don't believe him for a second. I JUST learned about this call 3 days ago, but I used to be subscribed and listened to Lio while drawing, and I haven't heard him address this in ANY of his videos EXCEPT for a small section in one of his latest video where all he really says is that he's working on a video (correct me if I'm wrong) and bitching about how people are JUST now getting mad about this call, when, IDK about anyone else, but, again I JUST learned about this call

I'm still planning on listening to what Lio says, but I think I'm going to struggle to believe anything he says

I hope Ponder eventually listened to the entire call and saw how they lied to her and twisted Rosa's words...

#lio convoy #hopeless peaches #ponder sprocket #tw ableism #tw slut-shaming #tw slurs #tw slur #the senate #tw r slur #repeatedly #honestly this whole call is a fucking trigger in itself

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andiv3r · 11 months

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Can I just. Talk about something that pisses me off about a specific person? Yes? This is literally my blog? Okay. (Continued under the cut)

She's in both of my first block classes. Sits next to me in both as well. Immediately clocked me as autistic when we met two years ago and has attempted to be nothing but nice about it. The problem? I don't like being touched and she spent an entire year ignoring that fact and hugging me randomly when I expressly asked her not to, and when I would complain, her response was "Why don't you like hugs? Hugs are great!"

No. Hugs are great to you. To me, they're like being trapped in a mushy heat prison and I am not socially aware enough to know when I'm allowed to step away from one.

She claims to think she's autistic. And I know what this is going to sound like, but I have no problems with people self-diagnosing (or saying "I really think I'm autistic due to thorough research but I'm unable to get a diagnosis at this time", because that is, in fact, what I am doing for the time being while I wait for my dad to schedule an autism assessment), but she is using this claim of "Oh I'm autistic too, but I don't have problems with [sensory/communication/general worldview difference I'm experiencing], I don't see why it's such a big deal." to justify crossing my clearly-set boundaries after I have asked her not to. Okay, sure, possibly she has autism that causes her absolutely no difficulty whatsoever with any of these things, but that gives her no right to get frustrated when I express autistic traits (ex: stimming/infodumping/misinterpreting statements, all of which I frequently do and have explained I cannot help) while also claiming she not only is a safe person for autistic people, but is autistic herself.

And I don't mean when I do these things directly concerning her. I have a very literal way of speaking and she will often comment on how strange my speech patterns are and how she can't understand them, even when I'm not speaking to her. She will start a conversation with me and get irritated when I have to ask more questions than the average person to understand what she means. I don't know how to deal with this.

#autism #audhd #autism problems #vent

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wormgremlin · 1 year

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I wanna say something else on the topic of rude comments on AO3. I know a lot of people just choose not to respond to trolls. I also know it's probably a waste of my time to respond. But I have a sliver of hope in me that people genuinely don't know why what they're doing is fucked up. And I lean on that sliver and I reply, yes perhaps a bit snarkily or rude. But all the while telling them why what they did is wrong. That being said, I will not stop deleting comments. That noise doesn't belong on anyone's fic, not even mine.

I'm not a fast writer. I'm not a prolific writer or a popular writer or even a particularly GOOD writer. I'm aware that sometimes my verb tenses are bad or my characterization off. I have a lot of words I overuse or awkward wording patterns I can't leave behind. But I get a beta to fix what can be fixed, then publish it.

I'm not a good writer. I write because I have ideas that I would rather have written out than have live forever in my head. I write for fun. I write to see the representation I want to see, even if I write it badly.

I repeat. I am not a good writer. However I am a stubborn writer. I am a resilient writer. And I reply to the people who think it's okay to criticize fic writers because I can deal with it. Because I don't care. And because I know it hurts others. And I hope, desperately that they do so unaware of the effect they have. Because that means they might be willing to change.

There seems to be a bizarrely short logical jump from "unasked for criticism is okay" and "telling people to kill themselves is okay." I don't write particularly problematic ships. No judgement or shame, I just don't.

But every fic is problematic under a bad faith reading. If you don't like something, it's a very short leap to "problematic." It's like that one post said: coffee shop AU? Workplace harassment. Genderswap? Transphobic. Queer relationships? Fetishizing. And if all someone needs is not liking something in a fic to begin criticizing an author or accusing an afab queer person of misogyny and homophobia... Well. It's a short leap from that to telling someone to kill themselves, isn't it?

And I may seem strangely fixated on the "kill yourself" angle. But I remember just a few years ago. People were doxxed. Lists went around of blacklisted individuals, and blocking them was a way of virtue signaling. So was using that blacklist as a mailing list for telling people to kill themselves. People were in my friends' ask boxes telling them to commit suicide. My friends who were not always in the best mental space. Over fanfiction. Over problematic things in fanfic. When I insisted that perhaps it is inappropriate to leave such comments, several other people stopped talking to or blocked me simply for saying "telling someone to commit suicide is inappropriate" and being associated with blacklisted individuals.

Of course, escalation isn't necessary to make it harmful and inappropriate, on a lesser scale. What was it that one particularly dense person said? Something about my characterization. So what if my characterization was bad? Back button exists for a reason! Don't waste either of our time reading it! "Don't like, don't read," dldr -- there are whole acronyms about it! You would think the point has gotten across by now. I am a self proclaimed bad writer. You're right! I don't always get Bucky's characterization right. A cis white ex-military man has immensely different lived experience from me. Hell, I've never even handled a gun before. Sometimes that means what I think makes sense for his character... doesn't. But also consider: I didn't ask; therefore, it's inappropriate and not "concrit" as some people like to call it (which I also have opinions about).

Someone commented after I posted about people leaving rude comments that I was how was it phrased? "Crying on tumblr," I believe. I'm not asking you to specifically stop commenting on my fic, I'm asking you to stop entirely. I'm asking you to take a step back and consider the real life effects of sending anon-hate or leaving unnecessarily critical comments on people's works they are making available to you for free. And if you're still under the impression that you are in the right to leave these kinds of comments... This is not me crying on tumblr. Let's be perfectly clear: this is me calling you a bitch on tumblr.

#we love the block feature #and you get a block and you get a block and you--#i swear #this is not a fucking invitation to tell me to kill myself #suicide mention #like u aint my mom u aint my brain u really think u can hurt me?#the fucking audacity of some people #lowkey entertaining tho #oh yeah uhuh yup thats really hurtful ooh you got me you sure did #still fucking dying over the hospital thing tho #gonna write a triage rant later #to go eith the concrit rant i will also write later #fanfic discourse #again #as in keep the discourse as far away from me as fucking possible #back baby back #dont like dont read #seriously #and yea yknow i dont really have the patience anymore to be nice #you get told hey that wasnt good buddy heres why #then you get told wow fuck off little bitch #i have a zero fucking tolerance policy for this shit #you get ONE FUCKING WARNING #anyways i guess u should thank them tho. now im legally obligated to write a sequel #fuck neolib purity culture #god #i do not have to sanitize myself and my life for your consumption #i dont owe u shit cause u aint paid for shit #gonna start charging $20/hour for responding to obnoxious comments

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vizthedatum · 2 years

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Hey I figured out a very long time ago why you didn't block your abusive ex

... and why you wanted me to block or cut off XYZ friends/lovers. You know that I knew, right? And that I loved you anyway? I stayed because I loved you, to the detriment of myself. I stayed because I wasn't physically and emotionally strong enough to leave. Also, I am gonna love myself and a lot of other people waaayyyyyyyyyy harder than I loved you. ;) --

I know that I have codependent tendencies. I am aware of it. And I know I fall for toxic patterns and narcissistic people.

But I always try to tell them (and anyone I end up falling for): I'll give you everything willingly, you don't have to take it from me.

That's the test. Because after that level of commitment (and I commit hella hard), if they still take and cross boundaries... then they're an abuser.

-- I guess I have a really delicious big heart.

#narcissistic supply #covert narcissist #you can't help who you fall in love with even when they drain everything out of you #there is no way they didn't see me suffering and not know and keep hurting me anyway #using a person and videogames instead of getting back on antipsychotics or something #you should put that you're a narcissist with a failed marriage on your dating profile #and that you're an ableist and transphobic pos #codependent no more #recovering codependent #codependency #i do wish things were different i really do #you will never comprehend just how much i loved you #abuse #harm #healing

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turtlemagnum · 11 months

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so, because of crippling lonesomeness i've started to respond to the (presumed) scammers. i've noticed that the ones that don't immediately DM you a link seem to be run by actual people, so at the very least it's a mildly interesting thing to pass the time with. here's the general pattern they seem to tend to follow, not necessarily in the same order:

generic greeting, usually just a simple "Hi" or "Hey"

they will often ask you your name, sometimes after telling you theirs (i think this is part of a general trend of wanting to get more info out of people by playing into social conditioning, more on that later)

they'll often ask you for a picture of yourself, and in my experience they're almost always "wow!!! you're so cute!!!! complete hottie tbh!!!" (i am certain they are lying). again, with the social conditioning aspect, they'll often send a picture of themselves first or just have a lot of pictures of themselves on their profile, and will be all like "hmm well since you've seen me, it's only fair that i see you!" (and to be clear, i didn't send the picture of myself to the ones who asked out of social obligation, i just did it because i honestly needed the compliment (i've since stopped because of how fake it feels))

when you get a committed one, they'll ask about your interests (weirdly enough they don't just say "oh! me too!", they seem to have their own little list of "normal" interests that they wanna stick to, maybe in my case it's because i like a lot of weird shit i dunno)

just general information digging (age, location, job status, marital status, that sorta deal (they tend to get pushy if you don't just tell them))

and, of course, it tends to just be a money thing. some are up front about it, asking you to "buy their services" (i actually had one offering to come to my house and "service" me for the 20 bucks i have in my wallet when she said her prices were originally 50, and that all i had to do was go to the store and put it on a paycard or a steam giftcard despite the fact that she never mentioned gaming when i asked her about her interests). another one wanted me to download and register my info for this weird african money app, and she wouldn't elaborate as to why. i cut contact at that point

some of the more insidious aspects seem to be how they subtly prey on lonely people (like me, except i'm self aware about it at least). within like a day of messaging me, the african money app one was insisting that we're "best friends" and that i shouldn't just consider her an "internet random". the steam giftcard one sent me cock pics and other provocative pictures of her, which would probably be pretty gross to experience as somebody who isn't both an adult and insatiably horny (like i am), but assuming that those weren't pictures of the person doing the scam, that's probably a very gross thing for the lady who took those pictures to have them used to scam people on the internet with. either way, they all seem to be at times subtly manipulative that i feel like a lot of normal people might not catch. so yeah uh, probably should just block them

#by 'normal people' i mean like #people who aren't PTSD hyper-vigilant #not a fun state of mind to be in but hey! means i can spot bullshit like this more easily!#to be completely clear i'm not saying i'm immune to manipulation or anything #it's just that when your most formative years were spent in precarious situations #you tend to notice the little things

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gonzogodzilla · 1 year

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Anyway I'm simultaneously feeling the most mentally stable AND fucked up that I have in a long time. And I know why, the fucked up part is that I'm falling into old destructive patterns to feel like I have some sort of control over my life. Which is why I actually feel SO much more secure and stable, I've channeled the instability into a "controlled" pain.

Now the pain is that comfy old friend ED. She's a bitch. I know exactly what I'm doing and I will not tell anyone, not even my therapist. And I know that's psychotic, I know that's wrong. I'm aware of exactly what I'm doing.

It doesn't help that it started because one of my many glorious mystery chronic illness symptoms lately has been nausea. So I was eating less because of that, and then that empty feeling tickled a part of my brain and here we are. Today I've eaten... well honestly not technically nothing but none of it was a real meal. Mostly coffee and beer (beer has calories, is that a win?).

Its amazing how much more quickly my body reacts to abuse than it did as a teen. I think it's been like a month of this garbage and my hair is already fucked and brittle. I mean I guess I haven't been eating well for a while, it's just taken a severe dip recently. (I have never been good at eating when I live alone).

It's actually fascinating to watch? In like a really fucking morbid way. Do most people who do this shit know it's awful? I'm led to believe they're all in denial. I 100% know it's wrong and bad for me and all of that. I know it's not sustainable. I know it'll end in madness. I know it could very well eventually kill me.

I guess it's like smoking. You do it knowing literally all of the risks, and you just sort of assume it won't happen to you? Or hope. Or I mean maybe you subconsciously DO hope it'll happen to you. Do I really want to live another 40 years? 50? My grandma is 73 this year, I'm 32 this year. Thinking about having that much time left makes me want to be throw up, how the fuck am I supposed to go another 40 fucking years? I'm not even at the half way point? Fuck.

I'm not sure if the people who think life is short are happier than me or if they just don't see it. I have lived 31 years, it's a lifetime. And I have at least that left? Another lifetime? Unbelievable. Fake news. Couldn't be me.

This is rambling and I'm still going to post it and no one is going to read it. And that's fine. I'm not even drunk, for once. I am fully and totally conscious. Is this an autistic thing? Do we just KNOW ourselves so well we can be totally in the midst of... madness and self-destruction and just... choose it? I don't know how else to handle being alive quite frankly. And if SLOWLY killing myself is the answer to not immediately checking out then quite frankly it's an easy choice.

I have no counter. I know it's bad. I know I shouldn't. But I'm going to anyway. Because as bad as it feels, I know it could feel worse. I know it could be just over with no do-over. At least this way there is a chance of coming out the other side. It's harm reduction. It's genuinely the least destructive.

Because honestly I want a cigarette so fucking badly these days. But I know it'll curb my appetite and then I'll not only be starving myself but I'll also be poisoning my body to boot. Somehow this is the better option, and that is genuinely astounding. It's like when my doctor told my mum that he would prefer her smoking actual cigarettes to vaping, because we KNOW the harm cigarettes do but we don't actually know enough about vaping.

I apologize for the block of text to anyone who is still active and follows me. I'm posting it. I'm not deleting it. I want this for my own future reference. I'm sure someday this will be informative? I don't even know know how else to explain it.

There has to be someone as crazy as me out there.

#personal #ED #trigger warning #eating disorders #disordered eating #autism

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yukipri · 4 years

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Marco’s Bauble Part 7 - a One Piece Mermaid AU Text Story

I ended up spending most of this past weekend setting up the Mermaid AU on AO3, so I do hope y’all will check it out over there!

Please note that on AO3, this Marco’s Bauble story is going under the title On the Courtship of Monkey D. Luffy. I didn’t really know where this series was going when I began writing it, and “Marco’s Bauble” was most definitely a starting point, but it’s expanded well beyond that now, as you’ll probably see in this update ^ ^; I haven’t decided yet whether I’ll rename all the parts on Tumblr or not.

BUT in the meantime, I’ll continue posting updates in advance here on Tumblr (and on Patreon even further in advance ;D), so here’s an update for this week!

In which Sabo confronts Koala.

Continues off of, and should be read after:

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 1

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 2

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 3

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble, Part 4

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble, Part 5

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble, Part 6

Hmm, Koala thinks. So this probably counts as a "kabedon."

A kabedon, according to the young new recruits who'd explained it to her, is a situation in which one person, ideally tall and attractive, leans over a second, ideally smaller person, boxing them against a wall with their arms, essentially pinning them in place. Koala thinks it sounds like menacing posturing, but the recruits insisted that if done by the right person, it's a terribly titillating scenario, the kind you'd find in romance stories.

It happens to be the situation that Koala finds herself in now, with her back against the side of Merry's cabin as Sabo looms over her, effectively blocking all exits with his arms braced against the wall on either side of her.

Sabo, Koala grudgingly thinks, probably not only qualifies, but is likely the recruits' very definition of tall and attractive.

Right now, he's doing that thing where his eyes are half-mast, dark and unreadable as they peer down at Koala through the curtain of blond locks that have fallen across his face. It's a look that Koala knows has half of Baltigo swooning, and she's heard people call it Chief's Sexy Look.

Koala feels very strongly that those are a poor choice of words, because from personal experience, she knows it's a look that's usually followed immediate, brutal interrogation that often ends in screams and excessive bloodshed.

"Koala," he breathes, in that voice that has stolen the hearts of half the Revolutionary Army, and has convinced more than one unfortunate soul that perhaps, they might survive this encounter after all.

But Koala knows better.

Because his next words are, surprise surprise, "What are you hiding from me about my Luffy?"

He smiles then, and it looks misleadingly gentle, and Koala can see why strangers may mistake him for a benevolent princely gentleman.

But Koala knows Sabo. And all she sees is the manic sadism behind the oh so very fake expression.

She cringes, because no, there is absolutely nothing romantic or exciting about this situation at all. All she feels is Doom.

"Hmm?" she says, keeping her hands behind her back so he can't see them twist. In these situations, Koala's more than well aware that the more she talks, the more she incriminates herself.

Many who observe their partnership are under the impression that Sabo's just the overpowered guy who beats people up and destroys shit, while Koala provides intel. And while it's true that Koala has intel, Sabo's the one who often personally extracts it from their most stubborn sources.

In other words, what Sabo wants, he usually gets. It's usually a comforting thought, but not today.

"Hmm?" Sabo parrots back, eyes lazily tracing over her face, and Koala frantically tries to keep her expression neutral as he searches for an opening.

It's like when they were children, Koala thinks, when they played interrogation games with each other as assignments for Inazuma's class. Except this time, it's not Koala's grade on the line. And while Koala knows that her partner would never actually hurt her, he's also very capable of making life pretty miserable for her if she doesn't spill.

And right now, she has a secret she'd really, really like to keep away from Sabo.

The secret being, y'know, the fact that someone proposed to his dearest baby brother.

And even though it's extremely unlikely that Luffy understands the significance behind the gesture, she considers the gift hers, which, for all points and purposes...means she accepted.

Koala does not want Sabo to find out about this, from her, at least right now, before she has more information.

But, Koala glumly remembers, she's never actually managed to win any interrogation games against him.

"You know," he says, voice deceptively light, and Koala wants to groan because here we go. "Luffy and Ace mean the world to me. They're not just my past, they make me who I am. Even when I didn't remember, they were with me, and I was with them. They're everything to me."

Koala won't break. She tries to look for an opening without shifting her eyes, but Sabo's not an amateur and there are no escape routes.

"It would truly be terrible, if something happened to one of them, something that should be stopped, that I could have prevented if only I had known."

He's poking her defenses. He wants her to say, you're blowing this out of proportion, it's not that big a deal, or maybe you're overthinking this. Possibly even lie, I'm not hiding anything, or even counter, what makes you think I'm hiding something?

Koala knows better. Those are all traps, all openings that he'd pounce on, and she's seen him rip people apart for falling for them. Koala won't give him the chance.

He leans in close, and whispers in her ear, voice low and dark in a way that would make his fans cry, and his enemies cry too but for an entirely different reason. "You wouldn't know something that'd prevent me from fulfilling my duties as Luffy's older brother, now would you, Koala?"

Well, Koala thinks snidely, depends on what you consider your brotherly duties, and whether they include homicide and starting a war with an Emperor.

She says, "Mmm."

Sabo, or rather his mouth, smiles. His eyes are a void. Koala's not used to be on the receiving end of this particular stare, and she isn't enjoying a moment of it.

"Alright. If that's how you want to be. Let's figure this out together, now shall we?"

Sabo's voice is calm, exaggeratedly patient, like a therapist. He never talks to Koala like this, but Koala still recognizes this particular tone, and cringes as she realizes which interrogation pattern he's chosen. It's one she's ill equipped to counter at the moment, and he no doubt knows it.

Koala braces herself. Blank face, she tells herself, even breathing. He's using his stupid over-powered Observation Haki to keep track of your pulse.

"Well," he begins, "I know it's already about Luffy, because you're more nervous about me talking about her than Ace." It's stated as fact, and Koala blinks rapidly to moisten her eyes because she knows the real deal's starting now, and she'll have to avoid blinking when it might give her away.

"And it must be something you found out during your Fishman Karate sessions, because you don't have any other time together, at least when I'm not watching."

Koala isn't remotely surprised that he's monitoring everyone; after all, she's been doing the same. She wants to sigh but keeps it in.

"It's probably something physical, because Lu can't keep secrets if she thinks of them as secrets, so it might have been something you saw...a scar, or a mark on her body? No? Then an object she has on her...Ah, there we go."

Fuck you, I didn't give you any tells, Koala thinks indignantly, but she knows that expressing any annoyance will only confirm his guesses, and continues to refuse to speak.

"You've been going to the kitchen more often than usual, but not during meal times, or even prep times, but rather lulls...times that you have no business in the kitchen, and times where only cooks are present, cleaning up or otherwise doing tasks that don't require their full attention...the perfect time to chat."

Maybe I wanted a snack, Koala thinks, but keeps her mouth shut, because Sabo already knows when and how she snacks. This interrogation really isn't fair.

"And as for the cooks in question...well, if it were Sanji, I'd just ask him myself, but you knew I wouldn't do that, right, Koala? You know I could get it out of him, so if it was him, he wouldn't know anything of value. But I don't think he's involved at all."

Sabo looks at Koala expectantly. Koala stares right back at him, though her eyes feel very, very dry.

"So the question now is, why would my dearest partner want to protect Thatch, Fourth Division Commander of the Whitebeard Pirates and temporary first cook of the ASL Pirates?" Sabo talks as though he's asking himself, but he isn't, and Koala's not fooled. She keeps her face blank. "I doubt it's a personal thing, after all, his intentions towards Luffy couldn't be more obvious, he announces it at least once a day. And given my partner's obvious little lesbian crush, it doesn't seem in her best interests to help him, no?"

This does get a reaction from Koala, and her breath leaves her in a whoosh. Fine, make it personal. If he's figured out this much, it's only a few more steps till the answer, and at this point what does it matter. Koala glares, relishing freeing her face from its mask, and for a moment Sabo's back to his usual self, giving her a cheeky wink as though to say told you so. But then Interrogator!Sabo is back, because he's not quite done yet.

Whatever. She tried, alright. It's not like she owes the Phoenix anything. She leans back against the wall, bringing her arms in front of her chest, and scowls, hoping her expression projects exactly what she thinks of Interrogator!Sabo at the moment. Sabo likewise drops his arms, because he knows she's no longer going to escape.

"You're not protecting Thatch himself, because if you were we could solve it here, and it never needs to get out of hand. So you're protecting someone connected to him. The fact that you're being so stubborn, tells me that it's not just a personal thing, but something that could cause an incident, that would likely affect the Army. Which means, obviously, a Whitebeard pirate.

"But I don't think it's just any Whitebeard pirate. They're someone high profile enough that it would be a big deal if I were to confront them, possibly jeopardizing any potential future alliances the Army forms with them, or drawing the eyes of the World Government. Which, they're already watching us, which makes me think it's gotta be someone even bigger than Thatch..."

Which, of course doesn't leave much.

"It could very well be old man Whitebeard himself," Sabo says, but he's shaking his head. "But something tells me it's not. And I know that some very interesting little blue birds have been stopping by the Merry, likely with letters for Thatch, but possibly also with unsolicited deliveries for my baby brother..."

Your baby brother, chill with your possessiveness, does rubbing it in feel that good? Koala sniffs.

"And as for why it's a big deal...you wouldn't be so secretive over a crush. Everyone on the crew has a crush. That can be dealt with. This is a few steps beyond, something you think would make me mad, right, Koala?”

Sabo pauses a moment, but it's for dramatic effect, because Sabo knows that Koala knows that he already has an answer.

"So tell me, Koala. What did Marco the Phoenix give Luffy to try to claim her as his bride?"

And well, there you have it.

"Bravo," Koala says dryly. "I see you're qualified for your position, Chief. I'll be sure to inform the Boss."

Sabo tips his hat, and even though she allows herself to relax, Koala keeps her eyes trained on her partner.

He's taking this calmer than she expected, to be honest. Interrogator!Sabo still hasn't fully faded from his face, but he's no longer giving off sadistic vibes, and has that little frown that tells Koala he's still sorting through his thoughts. His ability to remain composed is likely affected by the fact that they're still in Paradise, and the Whitebeard Pirates and the New World are still quite a ways away.

Which is good, because it means Sabo can't just impulsively cause a massive incident on the spot. But it's also bad, because it means he's got more time to plot, and Sabo can come up with some pretty devastating things if given the opportunity.

"Sabo, I barely know anything myself, and neither does Thatch," Koala says, finally willing to speak. "I'm working on getting more information. Don't plan anything rash yet. It could all be a misunderstanding."

Sabo slowly nods, still quiet. Koala sighs.

This might be a good time to bring up a certain topic, she realizes. She'd been thinking about it for a while now, but had wanted to give him more time.

She first thought about it when the night after he regained his memories, she sees Sabo slip away from the Merry to pursue the ship that's transporting the slavers who tried to sell Luffy at the auction house. The slavers have already been passed in the hands of Army agents, all of the enslaved have been freed and are on their way to safety, and Luffy's back with her crew. Their job should have been over.

Sabo comes back before dawn, accompanied by Ace who had likely transported him with Striker. He seems calmer than the night before, but Koala doesn't miss that his gloves are still damp from recently being washed.

There've been other incidents too, in the short period they've traveled together. Koala's seen Sabo dangerously close to snapping (and actually snapping) more during the past few weeks than their entire decade together. And on one hand, it's understandable, but on the other...

"You know," Koala begins, as gently as possible. "she's no longer the child you left behind. She's an adult. Even if this ends up being nothing, she may still find someone, one day. What are you going to do then?"

If Luffy's in physical danger, protecting her is one thing. But what if it's something that she chooses?

The change is subtle, but Koala notices when the last of the Chief of Staff fades from Sabo, as his head tilts downward ever so slightly. And all of a sudden he reminds Koala all too much of the tiny, battered child who stared at himself in the mirror when he thought everyone was asleep, touching his scars and asking, Who are you?

"I can't lose her, I can't lose either of them," Sabo says quietly, and he overlaps completely with the lost child, and ah, Koala thinks, because she gets it.

That child, that self who was missing for so long, is back now, inside Sabo where he always belonged, where he always existed but couldn't be recognized. That child now takes up so much space, too much space, and still hasn't been fully reconciled with the adult that Sabo's grown up to be. Simpler, childish emotions and desires that feel too vibrant and raw, clashing with the adult's more weathered world view, aggravated further by all the darkness that Sabo's seen in their line of work.

Sabo's less concerned about Ace, Koala knows, because even though Sabo loves both his brothers, Ace is like his other half. They don't protect each other, but function seamlessly as a single unit, a unit with one priority that stands above all else.

Luffy.

Luffy, who as a child, Sabo was able to protect from anything and everything in their isolated microcosm. Luffy, who as an adult, Sabo knows all too well is more vulnerable than ever, as proven by the very situation in which they reunited.

A gilded glass tank, hidden away behind dusty curtains, with a dark, motionless shape crumpled at the bottom. Chains, chains, and chains upon bruised skin, and bubbles rising from parted lips, getting smaller and smaller as she slowly fades...

That was bad enough, but Koala doubts Ace or any of the others know exactly what the fate of a captured mermaid is, at least in the way that Koala and Sabo do.

Koala understands, she really does.

But she also knows the importance of freedom, not just to Sabo, but likely to Luffy and Ace as well.

"Would it be losing her?" she asks, and child!Sabo flinches.

"We vowed to be free," Sabo says, and he still sounds lost, like he doesn't know what the word means anymore. "And we will be." His hat shadows his eyes, and Koala can't imagine how they look at that moment. "But I don't want her to go where I can't follow."

"Then follow," Koala says, because what else is there to say? "Follow, if that's your freedom. But you can't stop hers."

"I know."

She couldn't have known how Sabo would take her words.

Part 8, we see more of Thatch.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!

As always, any comments are immensely appreciated and help motivate me to create more for this AU! ;A;

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

~This ask has been added to the Mermaid AU Text Headcanons Compilation post~

#OnePieceMermaidAU #One Piece Mermaid AU #fic #text headcanons #Sabo #Koala #genderbend #longpost #long post #pre-SaboLu #should I still even post fics on tumblr or is that a waste of my time? ^ ^;;;

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ruby3818 · 4 years

Text

I have something I really need to get off my chest that I’ve put off for years now but can’t ignore anymore. Under a read more so you can skip it and tagged #negative so you can block it. Maybe this might clear some things up or at least get my side of the story out there. Please read this before making any decision about me from what you’ve heard from someone else.

I am aware that Cap, who I used to be friends with but had to leave the friendship because of their controllive obsession with me is still saying lies about how I “abandoned them” in public forums. Even going as far as to ask my franticshipping mutuals to block me (how she knows who my mutuals are is anyone's guess since I’ve had her blocked for over three years now??). If you see her do this please stop enabling them!! Over the years people have made her feel ok to get aggressive about my very existence and tell her that they are “valid” for feeling jealousy. All it does is reassure her that it is ok to behave like that and not be held accountable for their actions. Cap does not need validation, she needs help.

I have begged her multiple times over the past few years to leave me alone and stop saying stuff about me on public forums but every time she promises to stop I hear from someone else that they're still doing it. Things like; making up stuff that I apparently said in a dream treated as fact, telling my mutuals to block me, saying that I’ve apparently replaced her, telling everyone that I abandoned her, etc.

Because of her I not only lost them as a friend but every single other friend I had because they either believe the lies or they're scared of upsetting Cap who flies into a rage at the very mention of me.

I really tried to help her and then when the jealousy, gas lighting, violent mood swings and controlling behavior got too much for me and everyone else who tried to help I had to do what was best for both of us and leave the friendship.

I've tried for three years now to be the better person and not talk about what should be our personal problems but it's just blown up in my face with no one believing me or wanting to get involved and everyone enabling them (which is triggering to irl experiences but that's another story).

And I do understand that maybe a lot of this frustration I feel is because of the pattern of people abusing me and then everyone around me forcing me to forgive them and be around them for the sake of their feelings leading to the same damn cycle of me being helpless and feeling like a burden for not putting up with it.. It just sucks that even online I have to deal with it when this should be a safe place away from all that. But I also know what emotional abuse looks like due to irl experiences and I know that this is not acceptable behavior. This is abuse. And the only way to stop an abuser is to get their behavior out in the open and have other people know what they’ve been doing.

It also really sucks that the whole reason I couldn’t stand being friends with her was because I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone else and if I did they would blow into a rage and yet 3 whole years later I still am not allowed to talk to anyone otherwise I’m “replacing them” leading her to tell any potential new friends to block me (Somehow she is finding out who my new mutuals are on Tumblr, Twitter and Discord and dm’ing them to block me which is what some of these mutuals have come forward to tell me). She still has that control over me and I’m sick of it. I just want to move on.

I hate having to tip toe around the fandom not knowing what they’ve said about me to mutuals. I just want to be able to talk to people and have them know the full story and not some fabricated story of abandonment or random crap I apparently said in a dream of theirs.

As for what they did in the past, here’s my side of the story and why I had to leave the friendship;

They would always get jealous when I talked to other people and threaten to kill them self because "I'm just going to replace them". It became such a constant thing that I couldn’t even talk at all in a public server without there being a big drama about it. They even ended up being banned from Specord for their constant harassment of me.

Whenever I would bring this up and ask her (or beg) to not get upset and let me talk to people they would act like they had no idea what I was talking about and say that my depression is making me think crazy things. Even though other people saw it and I also had screenshots I still believed them because (being mentally ill) I really can't trust myself. I've been gas-lighted by people in my family my whole life so this was too triggering to handle on a daily basis so I needed out of the friendship.

She constantly suicide-baited me into taking her back and then made every conversation we had about suicide and self harm. Whenever she felt bad about something I said to her in a dream or if I talked to someone else she would tell me happily how she cut herself “for me” because it was supposed to show me that she loved me and that she somehow deserved it. The constant talk of suicide became too triggering to my own mental health and struggle with suicidal thought that I had to get out of the relationship.

For so long they would make up lies about how I abandoned them leading me to receive death threats from strangers telling me to kill myself, people blocking me and all my friends no longer talking to me so it doesn't upset them. So in the end they still had that control over me.

They even told me in our last conversation (over two years ago) that they were right for overreacting over me talking to anyone else besides them because I "shouldn't be talking to other people anyway". They even went as far to tell me that they hated how I was "popular" and basically wanted to be like me whilst also destroying me.

I know that I could of been a better friend but with my c-ptsd and her own mental health problems it just became a toxic mix. The very mention of my name or seeing my posts or comments at all just sends her into violent mood-swings. I couldn’t handle being emotionally abused on a daily basis and I needed out of the relationship. And I get that they still have friends that care about them, that’s good! They’re going to need the support if they’re ever going to improve as a person and move on from this.

So what is the point of this post? Well mostly just to get this pent up helplessness out into the open so maybe someone might understand. The other reason is that I am sick to death of having to be known as the bad guy just because I tried to do what I thought was the right thing by walking away. I want to be able to makes friends and not have to worry about Cap finding out and sabotaging it for me. I want the hate asks to stop. I want people who I thought were my friends to stop blocking me because of something they heard.

This is a selfish request but I also want people to stand up to her for once and stop her from spreading lies about me in public and feeding her delusions. I want her to know that she can’t bully, manipulate and emotionally abuse people in to a friendship and that she doesn’t get to decide who I can interact with. But mostly I hope that by getting this out in the open maybe this might finally come to an end and we can both move on.

Naturally she’s gone and deleted all of her dm’s with me but I do still have some screen shots that might help people understand. I won’t include any dm’s with other users but my DM’s are open if you need more clarification.

First off her finally agreeing to tell the truth (which she never ended up doing evidentely)

She always worshiped me as someone I wasn’t and thought that she had to be like me to be a successful person but it ended up blowing up into a full blown obsession around being me.

She always said she acknowledged that how she treated me was wrong but she still kept doing it like she couldn’t control herself... I kept thinking that maybe her therapy would help her and we could go back to how it was before but she just kept getting worse with her obsession.

This was the other Cap.. the one that wouldn’t acknowledge what she was doing at all and would tell me I was making it up out of paranoia

These are some screenshots that were sent to me of some of the stuff she was saying about me on other servers?? She would always treat the stuff that I did in her dreams as stuff I actually said but, idk how to control what I say in her dreams?? I would never in my life say this kind of stuff about anyone??

Due to the pic limit I will include other screenshots in a reblog.

If you need any more clarification or just want to talk don’t be afraid to ask. Hopefully this can be cleared up finally and I can be free from her control. She needs to be held accountable for her actions and she needs to move on for the sake of her own mental health as well as for mine.

#negative #tw suicide #tw self harm #tw abuse #my post #cap-cavern #theceoofrusa

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undercoverclover · 3 years

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Welcome To Wonderland

Part 1

Genre: Mentions of death, Fluff, Angst...

Word Count: Part 1 & 2 6.8K

Pairing? Red King & Alice

-My twist on Alice In Wonderland for the Tell A Fairytale event by @acewriters!-

Laying in the sun under the giant oak tree, feeling the sun warm my face, I set the book down and look around. The late summer breeze blew my hair around my face causing some of my hair to go in my mouth. I tie some of it back in a loose ponytail and pick my book back up. Midday was always my favorite time to come outside and read.

Getting lost in the pages, I read until I feel my eyelids droop.

“I’m late, oh gosh. Why am I so late on this really important date?” I hear someone say and I wake up startled. It was just me, my friends had left for the day and weren’t supposed to be back until tonight… Nobody else was here.

“Stupid watch, why are you not working properly? You are why I am so late!” I hear this time louder. I get up and peek around the tree. There’s a man with dark green hair, wearing a white button up shirt, black slacks and white nikes. He was walking almost jogging and kept glancing at a watch and shaking it. Does he think that’s going to make it work better?

I’d never seen him before, but maybe he’s cutting through our yard to get somewhere.

“Excuse me, sir?” I call. His head swivels around and his light brown eyes meet mine as he comes to a halt, “Yes? Can I help you?” He replies hastily.

“Are you lost? Are you sure you’re in the right place?”

“Yes, I am well aware of where I am. Thank you for asking. Now, I must go. I am very very late for something and it’s really important.” He starts walking again and disappears in the woods near my house.

“Curiouser and curiouser.” I say to myself. I walk towards where the man went and try to see if he’s within eyesight. Stepping on something hard, I look down. The man had dropped something. I bent down to pick it up… It’s a pendant! ‘To Rabbit.’ the back said. I quickly look up to see if I see him. I don’t see him though, but I need to give this back to him. I put the pendant in my pocket and stare in.

Even though I’m nervous he’s crazy, I start heading into the trees where I thought he went in. Staring and not seeing the man, I began walking.

“Hello?” I yell as I walk. “Sir? Are you here? Hello?”

Walking deeper into the trees, I notice him really far ahead. “Sir! Wait!” I yell, but he doesn’t hear me. I begin jogging but lose sight of him. I continue towards where I saw him last and notices the canopy overhead is getting darker. I can barely see now so I grab my phone out of my pocket and turn on the flashlight. Looking ahead, I notice a dark wood door a few feet away on the side of an enormous oak. It looked like it had seen better days. The door itself had scratches on it and the knob was beyond rusted.

“What’s this?” I walk up to it and hear the man speaking to someone on the other side. How in the world is this possible? I’m going mad!

Just as I’m about to yell for the man, I hear his footsteps jogging away.

“Oh fudge!” I turn the doorknob and it won’t open. I try again frantically, but push on it this time as hard as I can. It reluctantly opens with a loud groan. I thought it was going to fall off its hinges. Opening the door it’s lighter, like I didn’t just walk into the side of a tree that was cloaked in darkness..

What is going on? Where am I?

I turn off my flashlight and notice a path that continues for who knows how long.

I hear voices and duck down to hide behind a shrub. I don’t really want to find out if they’re like the man since he seemed weird enough. For all I know, I have evil forest people living near my house.

Peeking between the branches, I see twin teenage boys standing off to the right, seemingly in conversation. That is, until you hear their conversation…

“Let’s go find the caterpillar guy.” one says.

“No, he always smells like smoke.”

“That’s because he always has his pipe with him and smoking it, smart one.”

“Like you pay that much attention.” The teens get into it and start wrestling with each other. I take that as an opening and sneak away. Getting clear, I continue on the path.

I guess all of the people I find here will be crazy.

I walk, noticing little animals here and there. Most of the time it was quiet.

“Oh great. Now I’m even later. I swear after this I am buying a brand new pocket watch.” I hear in a familiar voice.

“Hello?” I say, hearing the man I’d previously lost.

“Can’t talk right now. Must hurry! I’m so so late.” He says, finally coming into sight. As quick as he was in my sight, he was gone again down the path. I, once again for an unknown reason, try to follow him. I had no idea where he went but I guessed down the path so I took off that way. Coming to a halt, I’m in a dilemma. The path splits off into a few directions….

Attempting to figure out where to go, I grumble to myself.

“Where’re you goin’?” I hear from above.

I look up, startled and notice a man sitting on a branch in the tree, “Honestly? I haven’t got a clue. I’m following the strange man with the green hair, did you see which way he went? Which way should I go?”

Taking a look at the man, he was quite handsome. He had black curly hair and brown eyes.

He seemed cat-like to be honest. I don’t know why, there was just something about him along with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“I’m not sure, maybe you should ask the Mad Hatter and March Hare.” He smirks at me, nodding in the direction.

“Mad? But, I don’t want to go around people you call Mad....”

“Oh, you can’t help that. Almost everyone here is mad. I’m not exactly sane myself.”

“Is anyone really completely sane?” I ask.

“That’s a good question. You’ll just have to search and find out for yourself.” He swings down from the branch and turns towards me, “See you later.” He smiles at me, canines showing and leaving a lasting image in my mind as he takes off into the forest.

"Wait!" I yell towards the retreating man. I look to the direction he showed me earlier and sigh. I guess that leaves me meeting the Mad Hatter…

I start walking, unsure if I should continue or turn back. Looking ahead, the feeling in my stomach told me to go on, but my head was telling me I was insane and I should turn around and go home.

A few feet up, there's a brush pile that blocks the way and looks insanely hard to get around. Knowing it's either that or going back, I stop at it and look back.

"Hmmm. It doesn't look very thick. Maybe I can push my way through?" I say to myself.

Grabbing two branches, I pull out to try to move it and the whole thing opens like a door.

"This just keeps getting curiouser and curiouser."

Walking through I hear laughing, singing and teacups clattering. I smile because it sounds like they're having a great time. Walking ahead, sure I'll find someone to ask about the man with the pocket watch, I come across a small house, covered in different fabrics and colors.

Outside, there were 2 men sitting at a long fancy table that could hold at least 10 people. I guess the table wouldn't fit inside. The table was filled with different types of teapots, teacups, snacks and a cake. They sat there laughing and pouring tea into different cups.

The man on the left, I'm assuming the Mad Hatter, had blonde and pale red hair. It was curly but most was underneath a black beanie that had two cheetah print ribbons hanging from the back. He wore a green puffy jacket and white pants that looked like it had smoky patterns.

The man on the right, which in turn would be the March Hare? He had normal hair, black but a red beret on. He wore a blue, pink, and white tie-dyed hoodie with overalls. As he laughed I noticed the sun shining on his face glistened at certain angles, he has sparkles placed on there.

"No! No no no. I'm telling you, there's no way! Absolutely no way I would help him anymore! He drives me absolutely mad!" The mad hatter says.

"Drives you mad? You're already mad!" I look to the hare and he starts laughing at his own joke. The mad hatter takes his shoe off and throws it towards the other man. Barely missing him but hitting the teapot and breaking it, making them both laugh now. "Well, there goes that one!" The hatter laughs.

At that second, the March Hare looks over and spots me, dropping his smile. I stand there frozen, nervous of how they will react.

"WELCOME! WELCOME! Come! Come sit down." He smiles again, motioning me forward.

"Oh look, a guest!" The Mad Hatter says, clapping excitedly. I walk closer, trying to be ready in case I need to make a run for it. I take the seat closest to the way I came, "Hello. Sorry to bother-"

"No no. Don't worry you're not bothering us. Do you want some tea?" The March Hare says as he waves his hand in the air to dismiss my statement.

“Yes, I’d really like some. Thank you.”

“So, tell us. Who are you?” I hear from March Hare. I wonder why they call him that? He pours me some tea and I take it from him, nodding in thanks.

“I’m Ali.” I say and take a sip.

“Well, Ali, what brings you here to this area in Wonderland?” The Mad Hatter asks.

So I’m in Wonderland? That’s a rather curious name. I wonder why they call it that.

“I was following a man that came into my yard, he dropped something and I wanted to return it.”

“Oh?” They say in unison and look at each other.

“And what did this man look like? What did he drop?” He asks next.

“He dropped a pendant. It said ‘To Rabbit’ on it. So I assumed it was a gift and he wouldn’t want to lose it.”

“Ah. So he was out this way! I thought I’d heard him!”

“We could have stopped him then! He’s probably on his way to the King’s! We should have warned him!” The Hare said slightly panicking.

“We could have. But, he didn’t stop to say hello this time. Not like he normally does, so he must have been running behind on his normal routine.” The hatter stands up and starts pacing, speaking incredibly fast.

“We must find him. Maybe we can warn him before! Maybe the cat can warn him! Ah hah!” He says getting anxious and excited clapping.

“Excuse me? What do you mean? Warn him about what? He kept saying he was late.”

“Oh, oh dear Ali, the king wants his head of course!” He laughs causing goosebumps on my arms.

“Why would he want that?” I exclaim. “Why, my dear do you know nothing? The Rabbit did something no other has done and the Red King called him a traitor! The Rabbit has no idea the king wants to behead him. The Rabbit allowed a-” His eyes go wide staring at me. He looks me up and down and gasps.

“Oh dear. Oh no. Oh no no no.” He repeats. He looks over to the other man and motions to me with his head. The other man’s eyes look to me and he clasps his hand over his mouth. They scramble up next to each other delving into a conversation I couldn’t hear. They each took turns eyeing me, turning their head towards me every now and then.

Maybe they are crazy.

“Ali, are you from here?” The hare asks, looking anxious.

“I am not? Is that the issue?” I ask, trying to piece the puzzle together.

His eyes go wide and he nods.

“She’s not harmful Hatter. She’d have already done something if she were.” He says, still staring at me, seemingly looking through me.

“No? I wouldn’t harm anyone. I just wanted to return something the Rabbit dropped.”

The Hatter sits down with a wild look in his eye and begins to look at me like the Hare. “I think you’re right. Maybe we should tell her and send her on her way?”

The Hare nods and the Mad Hatter starts telling me about how this isn’t the first time that the Rabbit had let an outsider in. It’s not on purpose in any case but he’d been warned that if it were to happen again, he’d be sentenced to death. The sad look in his eye seemed genuine. He continued to say that the last time it was a little girl about 7 years old that had wandered in. . She had been found and the Red King, the prince at the time, had been giving her food and shelter until the queen found out. The Queen was furious. She wanted to kill her then, but the prince stopped her. She was instead marked with a heart shape on her wrist and thrown in a dungeon. The prince was beyond upset, he didn’t think she would make it. The next few nights he would sneak her food and apologize. She was freed as soon as we could and the Rabbit told the queen she’d died. She had left by way of the Rabbit and us, unbeknownst to anyone else and with the Hare’s luck, so the Red Queen wouldn’t take her head. The dreadful woman being who she was, told the prince that she’d beheaded her before he rose for the day and called us insane for trying to say otherwise! Evil witch! She banished us to the outer surroundings of Wonderland. The prince grew spiteful at his mother and us for allowing her to be beheaded, choosing to believe her. He turned cold, then becoming king after she passed, he claimed he’d never allow any other outsider to even so much as step foot into Wonderland or he’d kill them.” He sighs.

“He’s had his heart in pieces since that day. He was only 5, he knew no better, but to tell him that? And for him to hold onto it for that long? She meant something to him.” Hare dropped his head, patting his eyes with a tissue.

I felt a twinge of guilt in my heart and a tear slid down my cheek. I grabbed a tissue and dabbed at my eyes. “So the king wants to behead the Rabbit? For a mistake? Because someone, well because I found my way in?”

“No, because the Rabbit was careless not once, but twice now and the first time his best friend was taken away from him. This time he doesn’t want anyone from the outside world in here at all and will behead both of the ones who are in the wrong according to him.”

“But it wasn’t his fault! Nor was it yours! I wondered why they called you mad. Now, I understand. Wait,” I say, stopping as my thought process caught up, “are you saying that he knows that I’m in Wonderland now?”

“Yes.” They nod grimly, “you need to leave.”

“I can’t. I have to find the Rabbit. It’s not his fault! Either time it wasn’t his fault.” I had the sense of urgency to find the man with the green hair. I felt responsible. I rub my wrists and look at them.

“I’ll leave, just as soon as I go and explain that there’s a hole in his defensive tactics to keep outsiders out and that’s why I found my way in.”

They look at me like I’m insane, “I’m not going to let someone die for me. I’m going to save him.”

“He’s going to die, as will you if he finds you. It’s best if you just leave and never come back.” The hare says.

“I have to try. Help me?” I ask. They look to each other, communicating in some sort of way.

“As much as we want to, we can’t. The guards would get us before we even got close to the castle” The hatter says. I get up, thanking them for the tea and take off on the trail in the direction I’d been heading.

Walking, I feel nervous and shaky. I continue rubbing my wrist, feeling the heart shaped scar I’d wondered how I’d gotten when I was little. Now? Now I know a piece. I want to know more and I have to make things right.

It gets darker the further I walk and I grab my phone to use my flashlight. I have no idea what time it actually is, but I’ve been walking for a while now and was starting to get tired.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I hear in a familiar voice. I look around not noticing the man from earlier that day.

“Hello? Where are you?” I reply. The cat-like man, who the Mad Hatter called the Cheshire Cat oddly enough, stepped out from behind a tree, eyeing me carefully.

“I’m on my way to talk to the Red King.”

“Now, why would you do that? You have no business in this direction. Return to where you came from.”

“I will, once I’ve spoken to the Red King.”

He half smirks at me, showing one canine, “It’s a death sentence, Alice.”

“How do you know who I am?” I ask, wondering if he was listening to the tea party.

“I can be here,” he turns and points to a high tree branch, “or there. You’ll never see me, unless I want to be seen.”

“Good to know that you eavesdrop as well.” I begin walking and go around him. He grabs my arm, smiling and winks.

“Be careful what you say to him young Alice. He’s not the prince he was.” He turns and takes off into the trees, disappearing in seconds as the darkness envelops him.

“How- what just happened?” I stare off to where he had been. I had questions.

I continue on down the path and my flashlight shuts off. I scramble to turn it back before I get too anxious because I’m not a huge fan of being alone in the dark. I see something out of the corner of my eye and push the flashlight button. There stands two small bear cubs, eyeing me. They weren’t much but they looked sad. Their fur was severely matted and they were skinnier for an animal. Once I shined my flashlight more towards them, they ran. I start walking again and wonder how long I've been out here.

I see little animals scurrying across my path, some stop to look at me and I notice how they all look so sad. I want to hold them to be honest. I feel tears well up in my eyes because of the sights in front of me.

Just when I thought I was going to be out here forever, I notice stone walls in front of me.

“This must be the castle.” I say to myself.

“It is.” I hear behind me.

“Cheshire! You have got to quit sneaking up on me like that.” I say, placing my hand on my chest.

“Nevermind that. Leave, Alice. Do not worry about the Rabbit.”

“I will not leave and it’s not just for the Rabbit!” I exclaim.

“It’s for you too? After all these years? You’ve made it out of here once, I’m not sure they could do it again.”

“Cheshire? How do you know all of this? How do you know me?”

“I warned you. Don’t come this far. He’s not the prince you knew. He’s mad. Even more so than the rest of us.”

“I have no idea what’s going on. I can’t remember anything from then. Nothing. I have to know.”

“Then so be it. If you really must know, wait for the gates to open and the guards switch shifts in the tower. I hope for your sake, that you don’t get caught.”

Every time I’ve ran into him, he’s seemed crazy, but now I wonder.

“I hope you’re the one that can stop this mess. Or maybe you’ll be beheaded yourself.”

“I- I will try my best.”

The man turns around and darts off, jumping over the bushes and into the night. I walk to the other side of the bushes where he’d just jumped and lean against a tree. I drift off to sleep before I begin to dwell on what he had said.

I wake to the sound of a trumpet. It’s signaling something. It’s barely light outside but I can see. Looking around, I see the gates had opened and men were marching in and out. I see the last ones march in and I jump to rush in the gate. Looking around with no idea where to go and praying I don’t get caught, I see a maze of rose bushes. I run to them and hide in between walls.

The roses were a mix of red and white. Except, the red ones weren’t naturally red. They had a red liquid dripping off of them. I didn’t want to think what it could be. I’ll stick with thinking it’s paint to spare my mind.

“That’s all it is. He painted the roses red. Nothing else.” At that moment, I hear a man’s voice that sounds familiar. “I swear I didn’t mean to do this your majesty. Please forgive me! Please!”

“No! Silence! You’ve let someone in for a second time and you want to be forgiven again? How am I supposed to know that it wouldn’t happen for a third time, Rabbit?” I hear a man yelling. Is that the king?

I peak around the corner of the wall of roses, looking up to the side of the castle. There’s a huge platform covered in red and black tapestries with the man I wanted to save, bound in stocks. The executioner stood at the back while a man in a red button up military jacket and black pants spoke to the Rabbit. Many men, women and even some children stood below the platform to watch this man be sentenced to death. I don’t understand people.

“You did not pay for the last one, this time you will.” he said as he motioned for the executioner. I had to act fast.

#tellafairytale #a.c.e #acewriters #alice in wonderland #a.c.e chan #junhee #donghun #sehyoon #byeongkwan

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hellscookies · 5 years

Text

Thing about dreams is they slip through your hands too fast. If you dont actively hold on to them and store them fast, they're gone forever. I think you can learn a lot about what's going on in your life by writing them out.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

I think I'm going to start posting my recent dreams/nightmares for therapeutical value from time to time. I'm sorry for anyone trying to make sense of them, or my writing, as I'm usually still waking up as I write them out.

🌜Backache Fueled Nightmare🌛

Where: Sitting at the park with a friend against a concrete "square" with "vents"- I think it's proly air filtration system that attaches from/ to the high school (or a neighbouring ?elementary school)where I'm a student.

When: Highschool, which was many moons ago for me, but oddly enough it feels like I never left in this dream.

What and Who and not really a why: Said friend and I smoke a joint and have a good conversation. Both of us venting about school politics. Although we both note that we're feeling invisible today, there are many people at the park right now doing their own thing. There are no adults around to worry about as we hang out. Many kids are in groups, or cliques, but there are also others that are on their own, studying, or reading, or just with their headphones on, and then there are others in pairs like us. There is even a pimple faced couple making out on the bench in front of us 🤯

I stand up and ask my friend to wait there for me because we have so much more to talk about, but that I need to go back into the school to use the washroom. I grab my bag, and as I get up from where we've been sitting, I notice she is one pack short of having a full carton of ciggies sticking out the top of her backpack. She says she'll wait for me, that I'm her ride or die.

What a coincidence that we both smoke the same brand of cigs and I've just bought a carton myself this a.m. and I have already dug into the first pack.

No wonder we are friends I think, and laugh, dismissing it.

I enter the school and out of laziness, I try to use the women's washroom attached to the school's faculty lounge.

No one ever goes in there after school, I should be good I think.

I'm immediately grabbed sternly by the arm by a creepy janitor. Pain shoots through my right arm. Annoyed, I tell him that stings! He does not even try to apologize, he says students are strickly not permitted in the faculty lounge. I notice the lounge is full of teachers and staff. I can see there is a huge sheetcake(no cookies🥴) and coffee being passed around, and a lot of balding big bellied men, and older women wearing awful floral patterns and heavy makeup. Note to self...dont cake on that makeup(or the cake)when I get older. As I turn around to leave, he tells me again, and I roll my eyes but I dont argue. What a condescending prick. My tummy rumbles a bit. I decide to use the washroom on the second floor near my locker so I can grab the lunch I didn't even touch.

On my way, I think back to my friends carton of ciggies. Was it just a coincidence that she has the same brand of carton with only 1 pack gone? Is it possible she took mine? I've never doubted her loyalty. She's always been so trustworthy, so I quickly dismiss the thought with a lol.

I'm so caught up in these thoughts, I accidentally open the door to the boys bathroom and as Im about to go in, some dude follows in behind me. I say, omg is this the boys washroom? He says oh yeah and I say something about it being a rhetorical question. The dude has such a pretty face and a huge head of hair that I almost mistake him for being a girl. The hairy legs give it away.

I turn around and go into the girls washroom. Every stall has a mirror in it. I pick the stall at the very end of the room hoping it will shelter me with the most amount of privacy. I need to check my bag for that carton of ciggies. Sighing, I find it exactly where it's supposed to be. I silently wish I could be a better friend, but it's so hard to trust people. I use the toilet, apply some lip gloss and high tail it out of the school.

With my doubts about my friend behind me, I hope she's waited for me because a good half an hour must have gone by! Funny thing is I knew she'd be there.

With a sense of relief, I see her sitting on the same cement block where I left her, smoking a cigarette and listening to her ipod. She has a journal out and seems to be sketching something quite seriously. She tucks it away quickly tho when she notices me walking up. I place my bag on the opposite side of us against the concrete wall and light up a ciggie. I sit down next to her with her backpack lodged between us. I notice her carton is now a couple packs lighter.

I'm more interested in her sketch, so I don't ask her about it right away. What was she sketching anyways? She's hesitant, but shows me the drawing and it's really incredible and I tell her so. She's sketched the couple making out from earlier, who are now no longer there. She says she wonders if she'll die a virgin.

Proly got themselves a room I say, and we laugh.

There is some small talk as we decide where to go from here because we've been here long enough - we already spend half our lives at school and it's the weekend. Although there are still some people in the park, most have left. I get this creepy feeling like we are being watched. I tell her about it and she says she feels the same way. She admits that she put her headphones on after I left because she swore she heard someone laughing behind her, but when she turned around to look, no one was there. I ask her now what happened to her carton of cigs? I feel a bee sting pain on my hip as she notices her smokes have disappeared. She's really upset. As she's saying something about how stupid she is, and that someone's upped them, I look over to my bag on the left and see a hand reach through the vent slits in the concrete wall we're sitting against. Everything moves in slow motion. In an absolute dream of a haze, I witness the hand eerily loop a finger around the strap of my phone and my phone disappears through the vent slit along with the fingers of that hand.

I now notice that my friend is sitting against solid concrete and that I've been sitting along the vent slits along with my bag. I know someone is behind me in those vents, but I feel like I'm pinned up against them and I can't move. I try to say something about it, but I choke and the words don't come out. I feel drugged. I am becoming instantly aware that I've been drugged with something very potent. Is this what heroin feels like? I try to reach my purse but I cannot extend my arm or even move from where I'm sitting. The hand appears again and this time it pulls my wallet from my bag. I'm screaming on the inside. Then the hand takes everything else-parts of my lunch, my keys, and then packs of ciggies while all the while my friend is still rambling on and staring out into space. I can't believe she doesnt see me and what is happening. I cannot believe NO ONE sees what is happening. I try with all my might to move away from there but I can't.

Strangely, and foreboding, I hear laughter and I am awake.

😱

#horror #cookies #selfie #lucid dreaming #dreams #dream #nightmare #purple #therapeutic #therapeuticwriting

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