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#because i dont even get any joy from doing anything
tortademaracuya · 5 months
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Everyday feels exactly the same and it makes me wonder if there's even a reason to do anything
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 11 months
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Wei Wuxian eats a watermelon. Yep!
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mejomonster · 2 months
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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leori-the-unlearned · 11 days
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the yearning to be part of something big and celebrated for your ideas but also. you dont have any ideas and youve never been part of something very big.
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scatterpatter · 10 months
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Every time i cringe when old of mine gets notes again, I then get this kinda swell of pride
Like man I never would've thought that a silly doodle I did in the middle of a hyperfix in 2019 would over 4 years later bring a smile to someones face
Like how many times I've gone down internet rabbit holes and found fanart over a decade old but still managed to bring a smile to my face, how many abandoned fics and comics and art people dont really think abt anymore still bring me joy when I stumble upon them
And I might not be proud of my old work because I've improved and I get embarrassed because I know I could do so much better if I re-did it nowadays, but like thats not the point. When I made it way back when it made me happy, and while it's not up to my personal standards anymore, it still makes other ppl happy. Other ppl arent holding my old art to the standards i am.
My one lil moment of joy that sparked a doodle inspiration kinda went across time and brought a smile to someone else's face way down the line when im not even really in the fandom that doodle was for anymore
AUs I've since gone back and went "eugh" with because I know I couldve approached them with better designs and writing nowadays, even tho I don't think it's good enough, someone else does, and like. thats just. thats just nice.
Idk. I dont have a point to this. I just hope that stuff i make today makes ppl happy years down the road. That's a nice thought.
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fallowtail · 1 year
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i try not to let it get to me but the knowledge i am always going to be The Stupid One in every situation i’m in just…really, really sucks. sigh. oh well. i stay silly :3c
#cant even blame it on being audhd because everyone else i know who is#is smart and talented and their brains work alright 😭 i'm just stupid and incapable#i feel like i’m the only person out there who does not get to experience any of the benefits or joys of these things#for me it is nothing but brain damage and endless suffering with no brightside or intelligence or anything#but then everyone tells me i’m the bad guy because if there was a magic button that would make me not audhd i would click it immediately#like why am i wrong for not wanting to suffer#everyone else seems to have a special interest or a fixation and they can remember information about those things but i...dont. i can't. LO#i do not experience the autistic joy everyone else talks about. i dont have the adhd focusing on what you like superpowers or whatever#my autism made me barely pass highschool and i couldnt handle community college and i had to drop out and i can barely handle having#an entry level job that everyone patronizes me about#i'm barely verbal and i am losing my ability to function to brainfog and everyone around me treats me like i'm their little pet idiot#but wanting to change that about myself makes me evil and bad or something i guess#sorry to whine on tumblr like the good old days but twitter is sick of my shit LOL 😭#pmdd making me spiral worse than usual#one of those times where i'm realizing that if everyone else experiences these things totally different from me than maybe that was never#what was wrong with me in the first place lol. maybe i dont have an explanation and i'm back to being 10 15 19 24 sobbing wondering why im#like this. why i'm so stupid. not even in a self hating way in a legitimately proven way that i am functioning below average intelligence.#ok im done sorryyyyy god i forgot how good tumblr is to vent on#z
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lupismaris · 2 years
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I'm just gonna complain in the tags tw medical stuff tbd etc
#its the final stretch and i refuse to will anything into this universe other than this is the final stretch im having treatment and it ends#this is the end of this here and now i will not continue to live like this i cannot continue to live like this i cannot carry this fatigue#any further genuinely i cannot its not a matter of will not anymore i just... i cannot. im legitimately still hiding at the office#despite everyone else having gone home because it takes too much effort to gather my things and walk to my car and im afraid of falling#i forgot my cane at home and its cold and my body struggles with temperature regulating and seizes up so badly#but the fatigue has finally reached a point where its hard to lift my bag or put my coat on or my jewelry without help#or walk across the parking lot just to get to my car and its not like the usual hey we have to adjust to new level of disabled#it's fatigue kneecapping you put of nowhere with a tireiron until you can barely loft your bag or fix tea or prepare dinner#and the fact the all the joy of food has been robbed from me because everything takes so much goddamn effort now#everything takes ten more steps and an hour more planning and special ingredients and yes i know lots of people live like this always#but i haven't and its been a forced short term adjustment period with absolutely no support from medical professionals#and im the only cook in my household/family/immediate social circle so all the labor inevitably falls on me not out of malice#but by default even if they try to help they can only do so much because they dont know what to do#i am literally on the verge of a meltdown just thinking about how much effort dinner is going to take because i cant just#eat a fuckin box of easy mac or ramen with an egg and go to bed no I've got to make a special soup with special ingredients#or a proper balanced meal with protein and veg and whole grain and certain seasoning#and im just so fuckin tired im so goddamn tired if this radiologist doesn't come back and say i can eat freely come Friday#i genuinely dont know what im going to do#food is one of my greatest joys and to be limited even in such bizarrely simple ways requiring so much excess labor#is too much. its too much on top of all this hypothyroidic fatigue. i cant do it.#i dont want to go home and make a fuckin soup. i want pizza. i want take away. i want lamb curry and rice. i want food i dont have to cook.#god im so fuckin tired my body feels so ancient like something wrecked in the seabed being involuntary hoisted to the shallows again#and im not sure its going to survive the process. i mean it has to. we dont have a choice. but fuck.
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valla-chan · 1 year
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grgrrggrhgkrhkaukerhgjherkajg/..... GRRGRGRGRRGTFHFHFFHGGTFTFTGFGFG
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</3
#pro tip#do not use online recommended tips for controlling your anxiety#they told me to read a fucking poem i liked to get my mind off shit#and now im breathing wrong and crying and shaking and clammy for two reasons#it wasnt even a sad poem or anything it is one thats always brought me joy#but like thats the thing about depression its gonna make you not enjoy the things you love#and you forget how to love them because it takes your memories your thoughts it takes everything#and iky im like this its anxiety its depression its a (open) secret third thing thats worse than both combined#and i cant will it away with a lovely poem at least not this one maybe but every pretty word i can think of rn#they taste acrid its burning my throat it feels like the worst heart burn yet because it feels like my heart is on fire#and the smoke is suffocating me from the inside out#and im screaming im screaming but no noise is coming out the soot is choking me the ashes are all that’ll be left#i wonder if i’ll be exhausted extinguished still existing by the end of this#because i have to believe theres an end even tho i cant see it rn#its like god in a sense because i have to have faith in the ever unknown#but i have a shitty relationship with religion with devotion specifically#i cant like myself much less want better for her#i miss the person i was before#i see pictures and i looked happy and i was bigger but i miss her#every year i mourn the person i was and the person i couldve been and i hope the best for who i might be but i dont have any hope myself#anyway wake me up when september ends please i need to put this month behind me#more than that im a coward and i was raised in a nonconfrontational household that never resolves issues just#spend three days being weird and moody w each other and then pretending like it never happened#i was set up w the generational trauma and homosexuality like pick a struggle god said no <3
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clonewarsahsoka · 2 years
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*DEEP SIGH* man...............................................
#i ummmmmmmm ummmmmmmm uuuhhhhhh mmmmmmm uhhhh yeah :)#i really like this guy but ummmm hmmmm#i feel really guilty about it because well okay so we have a really comfortable and close relationship#which is like normal and good right? yeah right. BUT for him its just a close friendship with someone you get along with really well#which is all fine and dandy and good#but for me its like. the same. but also. teehee. 😋😊. i want him. yknow?#so i feel like my actions and joy from the friendship are tainted by my further desires even if like my actions are 100% reciprocated in#in kind**#like everything i do he does too so like. its not like im doing anything bad. but it feels like it should be bad.#also he was in a relationship until 3 days ago#so like. i dont want to be too much. i wouldnt want to regardless of the relationship actually but i digress#i think actually whats going in is we have a level of intimacy which is completely normal for good friends who see each other all day every#everyday but im not used to that anymore because its been god like 5 years since highschool and thus wouldve seen my bestie that much and#had that level of intimacy#but also like that doesnt change the fact that i DO want him like that much remains true and outside of our relationship#but i feel guilty being afforded this level of intimacy when *I* am gaining a tainted version of the joy#and i say tainted not in a ewwwww relationships are evil kind of way but in a not quite ulterior motive kind of way because i do NOT have#further goals with my actions i act to maintain the status quo of our relationship but i DO get more than what is seen on the surface i#suppose?????#its like im embezzling romantic joy from a purely non romantic intimate friendship if that makes ANY sense#and thats were my guilt comes from because im like TEEHEE what if this but more#but like#its NOT bad and i SHOULDNT be guilty and i KNOW this#in fact i think i actually act LESS than what is expected of me from him because im afraid of overstepping my bounds#but WHATEVER none of this matters because he doesnt want me anyways lol#but im so incredibly happy with the way our relationship is he is SUCH a good friend its crazy#but also i want to [redacted]#ive said enough i dont need to be cringe on top of showing my soul
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frecht · 2 years
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my friend is always like ugh i hate having no work to do i love cramming and then she doesn't do her work when she has only one class on wednesdays and only one class on fridays and none on mondays and then she cancels plans for having too much work. this happens repeatedly. >:( it is really getting on my nerves.
#like if we have had the plans for 2 weeks and you just cancel now when i am checking in with the meeting time for tomorrow... :/#and i knowww her saying she loves doing her work doesnt mean shes going to do it but come ON. why do you always never have time.#because we have time for when you organize a party but even THEN she changed the plans and we had to eat at the dining hall :(#AND ALSO her annoying boyfriend is probably still coming :( i cant kick him out now since i already said he could come but like .. :(#to be fair he does not know that i dont like him#UGHHH i am just so annoyed. like is it so hard to manage your time with work so you can make it to the things we plan?#our other friend is a BIO major and she hasn't cancelled any!#i dont know why this is bothering me so much she seems genuinely sorry but like.... its bugging me anyway.#maybe if im lucky since she's not coming her boyfriend wont either. but hes technically part of the group#(read: he is friends with everyone except me because i do not like him) so i dont think that will be the case#ANYWAY now that im venting im going to complain about him too.#i cant say anything in real life because hes not a bad person our vibes just disagree.#but like. because he's a sophomore and the rest of us are freshmen he acts like he knows everything about the school#i thnk he is just trying to help but hes like . annoying about it UGH i cant verbalize it.#but he does give off the vibe that he thinks he knows everything and is right all the time and should be authority etc#he also always sends anime gifs in response to things in the discord and it's annoying . like this message didnt warrant a response anyway.#ANYWAY im easily the problem here but every so often i do hope they break up so i never have to eat lunch with him again.#i do get a little sick joy from when he said that he knows when people dont like him but he clearly doesnt#bc he still thinks i like him. he sat down by me at breakfast when i was alone with my other friend who is not in our group#talkin
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kuh-boose · 2 years
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hello could you write a fic for miles42 having an airhead gf like shes his opposite (kind, always smiling, extroverted but shes a bit blunt) !! for the fic u can do wtv u want tbh !! but if u dont have any inspiration u could do something about her meeting miles42’s mom nd uncle or, him taking his gf on a date or wtv u want bc idk if my ideas are good lmaoo
(Hello! Sure I can and here ya go! Enjoy!)
Earth 42!Miles Morales x Opposite!Reader
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It's so funny how you guys even ended up getting together
You both obviously clash but oddly work out well together
Even Miles was surprised he ended up with you
"Blink twice if he kidnapped you, kid."
Words of Uncle Aaron the first time he met you
When Uncle Aaron and his mother met you, they probably thought he was gonna be with someone who matched him, probably Emo or at least similar to him
And to their surprise, and his mother's joy
You walked into the door!
His mother thinks your good for Miles, she sees you're able to get him to smile more, he's happier and she sometimes sees specks of Miles before his dad died come back
Even if Miles is surprised at himself he really does love you
He needs someone like you in his life
Walking down the street hand in hand people would never think that you guys were together
Even in photos, you're smiling, it always seems like he has a permanent frown on his face until out come along
It always looks like two completely different photos, but no
He warns you about being kind to everyone though, as he noticed is a habit of yours
Brooklyn isn't safe, everyone knows that and you could get hurt because you're too kind
You're kinda an airhead also
You once followed a man into his house because he said he had cats and she had kittens
Don't worry, the man was a kind and older man but the principle still stands
Miles noticed you're sorta an airhead, not a bad thing but something he looks out for you for
But he truly does love how much you care for him, his mom and even Uncle Aaron
When you guys first met he was a little suspicious
Just because he wasn't used to that in Brooklyn anymore
You were also incredibly blunt
He found it funny at first when it was at other people
He gets kinda frozen and can't help but sigh when it's directed at him
He thought Uncle Aaron would not like you when he brought you home
Not him mom
But you did great!
He didn't even need to warn you about calling his mom by her first name
He's gotta get used to you being so extroverted
Especially because now he is more closed off and likes to keep to himself more
Especially being the Prowler
But when you want to do anything and everything, social and make friends
He's the one looking over your shoulder and directing you away from assholes
He loves you, but he doesn't want you being hurt
You got them scary boyfriend privileges
I think you guys make a great pair
Miles was initially hesitant to introduce you to his mom and Uncle Aaron, but you wore him down.
So that's how he stood in the hallway of his own apartment like the guest, as his mother already liked you.
Plus, you didn't call her by her first name.
"Aye, you're so pretty, Mija." Miles' mother smiled at you, getting a genuine one back as she stood next to you, glancing at Miles.
"Oh, ¿cómo te las arreglaste?" Mrs. Morales started, her son blushed as he stood behind you, watching his mom practically flaunt around you.
"Mom!" Miles complained, Mrs. Morales waving him off with an eye roll.
"How did you meet my son of all people, hon?" Mrs. Morales asked, guiding you to the kitchen as you followed behind her, laughing under your breath.
"Well, I was walking to Mr. Gonzalez's bakery, and I was in line but I looked outside," you started, Miles freezing in embarrassment at the upcoming story as Uncle Aaron laughed.
"I saw Miles standing there in the window, but he was just staring at me?" You said, a confused tone in your voice as Miles could hear his mom chuckle.
"Anyway, I smiled at him and he sorta jumped. He…sorta smiled back? It was a little loopy but then he turned away real quick, but he tripped."
"Oh, man…" Uncle Aaron laughed, wrapping an arm around his nephew's shoulder as Miles looked down, blushing thankfully hidden as he hid his face in his shirt.
"He fell sorta hard so I went outside to help him, and yeah!" You smiled, Miles shaking his head as Uncle Aaron elbowed him.
"Stop…" Miles muttered, turning around to head to the kitchen as Uncle Aaron couldn't keep in his laugh any more.
Hey, you said it how it was.
Miles may complain about it, but seeing how you were sitting on the counter talking to his mom with a smile on his face, he couldn't complain about it much.
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horseimagebarn · 1 month
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I am going to get you and all your little horses will suffer...
how can you love kermit and joker if you yourself are incapable of spreading anything but selfish vindication i dedicate this blog to seeing the beauty in some of the most controversial yet standard creatures on the internet and yet you dedicate yourself to hatred and violence towards everything unless it pleases your twisted logic and niche interests i and my horses will not suffer because even when we feel pain we know that joy will live on in this world through love and respect and yet you deny yourself that and seek destruction instead of love if cain had truly loved abel if jacob had truly loved esau would the world not have been a bit easier for you and i in this modern era to navigate if adam and eve hadnt been fueled by only basic and animal emotions like hate and jealousy if they had thought with empathy and rationality would they have not been aware enough to see past the serpents urging why did they all have to seek more for themselves at the fault of others when there was so much raw beauty around them in nature why shouldnt one be happy the world is full of love even if there is a horse like bucephalus who shares in it do you think bucephalus had any choice in the life he was given why must you be so full of hatred and so quick to blame a creature whose agency was wholly removed through thousands of years of domestication dont you understand that life is simply a challenge to find contentment in your circumstances and bucephalus has done his best in his circumstances to find it why cant you accept the same challenge why must you run from it and blame all those who have succeeded where you have so willingly and grievously failed
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honeyhoshi · 4 months
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scarlet, starlet pt. 1
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summary: mingyu intends to make his girlfriend's wishes come true — all of them.
this a part of the man of the match universe
genre: professional football (soccer) mingyu, idol oc, porn with a little plot
wordcount: 3,251
pairing: mingyu x afab!reader
warnings: DDlg kink, d/s themes, both parties are safe, sane, and consenting adults, afab reader, lots of mentions of female anatomy, reader is implied to be significantly smaller than mingyu, making out, dry humping, finger sucking, fingering, squirting, huge mingyu, big dick gyu (canon), slight cum play, cum eating, exhibitionism, unprotected sex (pls dont do it, its not worth it), spit kink (bec i wrote it), creampie (also bec i wrote it), size kink go bbrrrr, bulge kink, dirty talk
author's notes: yet another work written for my lovely @madeforgyu! this is just part 1 of her birthday gift and is a part of the universe we have lovingly poured soooo much time and effort in. wuv u and all of that!
The excitement that comes with a new album and a comeback sometimes gets lost in just how complicated AM♡RE’s schedule has become. In between having to do pre-recording as a whole team, music shows would request certain members to be part of other variety segments which allowed other members to rest or even take on other schedules.
This led to fussy 4AM pre-recording sessions then running back to the company office to film overseas interviews and just napping during the car rides to and from one venue or another.  By the time the whole team made it back to the KBS building for the live broadcast, the only thing fueling you was adrenaline and obligation. It’s a so-so way of celebrating your twenty-fourth birthday.
You try to shake it out of your system when you think of the cute pink drink truck that was parked by the entrance to the studio that your fans were enjoying. You think it could be a lot worse because you did catch a glimpse of the many birthday ads all over Seoul as you moved from one location to another.
But still, it could be better too.
With all the last minute activities and schedules being fit into every free moment you had in the past few weeks, it had been difficult to really set any celebration plans into stone with your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend.
A pout makes itself present on your face the second you start thinking of him. Having Mingyu around would make everything that wasn’t ideal about your birthday just simply melt away.
At this point, a message from him would suffice. You’re no stranger to receiving and sending messages at odd times but after Mingyu’s good morning message, all your other texts had gone unread.
You’re wracking your head if he had mentioned anything scheduled today but you come up with nothing because you can clearly remember that he said he was taking the entire day off to celebrate with you.
The thought sticks even as you’re being ushered on stage and you only really snap out of it as you find yourself in front of the crowd, the rest of your members bowing and waving before you have to take your starting positions.
You shake it off, thinking instead of how you’re sure a message from Mingyu will greet you the moment you step off stage.
You’re greeted by something far better than a text message when the music cuts and you’re trying to catch your breath.
A large smile is still plastered on your face as the thrill and joy of performing courses through you. The cheers fill you with warmth and satisfaction, hoping that you had given a good performance for the live show’s crowd, but a voice cuts through the usual noise of fans.
There’s a booming voice coming from the side stage and a “That’s my girl!” that sets every nerve on your body aflame in embarrassment and pride in equal measures.
It’s your boyfriend.
It’s Mingyu.
A bright smile splits your face and you can’t help the flush that paints your face pink as the rest of your members turn to see the afternoon’s special guest. With everyone on stage giggling and whispering amongst themselves with their lapels turned away from their mouths, even the crowd was starting to realize that something out of the norm was going on.
You make your goodbyes quick, giving deep bows of appreciation, but the excitement coursing through your body can’t be contained.
Once your leader has deemed you polite enough, offering you a sympathetic smile and nodding towards the general direction of the backstage area, you can’t move fast enough.
You briskly walk towards Mingyu who, despite his effort at dressing to be discreet, is still the most eye-catching person in the room. Standing tall and proud in the hustle and bustle of the music show staff is the top scorer of the Cheongdam Diamonds, offering you the most wicked grin.
There are so many eyes around you. Looks of jealousy, resentment, and also awe are no longer strange when either you or Mingyu are in the room. Having both of you present just meant all of the above, but a hundredfold. None of that matters to you at all when you let out a squeal and jump into his arms.
You don’t care. You’ve stopped caring. Let them see.
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You can no longer count how many bad ideas have become good ones when Mingyu whispers them into your ear. You can’t even remember a time you’ve said no to him and his clever ideas. Not that you ever would really, especially when Mingyu always makes it worth your time.
 It starts innocently enough, as it always does with you and Mingyu.
The second you managed to drag him into your dressing room, locking the door behind him, you had peppered his face and mouth with as many kisses as you could as he giggled and whispered birthday greetings every time your lips parted.
In no time, Mingyu had managed to wrap your legs around his waist and was guiding you as you slowly rocked your hips down onto his. The friction was so delicious even through all the layers of your stage costume but you knew that this would hardly suffice for either of you.
“I fucking hate these shorts,” Mingyu says with a grimace as his hands find their way to your ass, upset to find the layer of your safety shorts standing in his way.
Mingyu has always hated it when he would reach down and find your smooth skin covered with a seemingly offensive piece of clothing. On most days you barely wore any underwear around the house, just the way he likes it.
You love the little look of annoyance in his face and trace the lines of his eyebrows as you sit pretty on his lap, “They’re there to protect me.”
Mingyu can only snort at that.
You roll your eyes playfully, “Imagine if we stopped wearing these, then everyone would see what’s yours, Daddy.”
You feel his frown relax underneath your finger, “We can’t have that now, can we?”
“Nuh-uh,” You answer, allowing Mingyu to guide your hips. Even through the stupid safety shorts you could feel how his cock was pressing against the zipper of his jeans and Mingyu always knew how to find the cleft of your center to ensure that you were grinding your clit onto him.
“Why’s that?” He whispers against your lips, tongue flicking out to lick at your upper lip for just a split second.
You bite your tongue at the pleasure slowly building up between your legs and how he’s teasing you with his tongue, “Because this is yours.”
He makes a face of faux confusion before asking, “What exactly is mine?”
“This pussy.”
“Good girl.”
In no time, Mingyu has you strip for him and you stand before him, completely devoid of your costume. In the back of your head you can already imagine the frustration of the staff member assigned to assist you with getting fully dressed again, but the look Mingyu gives you has you pushing the thought away.
He’s sprawled on the couch as if he owned it and you’re dying to fall to your knees between his spread legs, but the second you move to do so, Mingyu grabs your wrist to stop you.
“It’s my sweet girl’s birthday today, so we’ll do all the stuff you like,” He says, standing up and crowding you against the counters littered with different makeup brushes and pots of eyeshadow and powder puffs.
“But I want to suck your cock,” You state as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Mingyu chuckles and you meet his eyes. You’re entranced.
“I know you do, love. But I don’t want you to bruise your knees when I’m dressing you back in that little skirt.”
He has a point and you frown, “How about tonight?”
He smiles as he brings three fingers up to your mouth, “Okay, I’ll even let you choke on it. Now suck on Dad’s fingers, get them nice and messy.”
You immediately let your mouth fall open and start to lap at the three fingers Mingyu offers you, savoring the salt of his skin and the rough pads of his fingers. If you tried hard enough you could pretend they were his cock, hard and smooth and so so delicious. Your little daydream has you salivating in no time, coating Mingyu’s fingers and lubricating them enough for what he’s no doubt about to do to you.
“Look at that little mouth go,” He marvels, “So small, three fingers can barely fit. Are you sure you can suck my cock?”
You’re shaken from your thoughts and immediately a look of distress spreads on your face, “Yes, it can fit! I can make it fit. You’ll make it fit, won’t you?”
Mingyu’s fingers are barely out of your mouth as you try to convince him. The look on your face makes Mingyu smile. It’s horrible and mean and you love it so much.
“Yeah, I’ll make it fit. I’ll make sure my baby will take it.”
You preen at the promise and wait in anticipation as he pulls his hands away from your lips and pressing his mouth against yours.
This kiss was not exactly a typical one. Instead of pressing your lips together, Mingyu licks into your mouth, his tongue bullying its way inside and pushing your own tongue out of the way. He runs this tongue against the roof of your mouth and against your teeth until you slowly start to press your tongue against his.
You groan in relief as he finally eases up to kiss you properly but tense up when you feel one of his hands grab at your left thigh to lift it up and prop it up on the counter. This position has you spread wide open for him. He loves it when he can see all of you.
The slick that’s been gathering between your folds is surely visible in this position and it makes you clench around nothing as Mingyu pulls away to survey you in this position.
“So so pretty,” He whispers underneath his breath, not even to you, just to himself, “Going to destroy this tiny pussy.”
That’s as much warning as you get before he presses two fingers into you at once.
Mingyu is bigger than most men in all aspects. He’s tall and broad, having put in so much time to get his physique to where it is now. His sheer size followed everywhere else. His fingers were long and thick and the press of two into your core has your eyes rolling to the back of your head.
Whether it was his cock or his fingers, you knew to always expect a stretch. And you loved it.
“Sooo good, Daddy,” is all you can muster as Mingyu sets a punishing pace that has you trembling in his arms in no time.
Each curl of his fingers sent a jolt down your spine that had you inching closer to the edge despite how Mingyu had just started.
“My pussy is taking two fingers so well,” He says, “I think three would be even better.”
You hate that he pulls his fingers out but you’re immediately placated when he brings the two fingers to his mouth to suck your slick off of them.
He makes a noise of delight before removing his fingers and leaning down. For a second you think he’s going to eat you out but instead Mingyu spits out the saliva and slick he’s collected in his mouth and lets it drip down from your clit. 
He moves back to take in the absolutely debauched state of your pussy, smiling to himself, pleased at how messy he’s gotten you, before spreading the wetness with his soiled fingers.
“Are you ready for three, little girl?” He asks, almost mocking. You preen at the nickname and at the promise of the stretch of three fingers inside of you.
Even with the preparation he had given you, he punches a deep exhale from you and he pushes three fingers. The fit is so tight that you can feel how the rough pads of his fingers are. He always did refuse to wear gloves when he lifted weights. Now you want to thank him for it, because the friction inside you makes you want to scream.
It doesn’t help how slowly he’s going either. He’s relishing in how your walls wrap around his fingers, how you tighten up when he slips in a little further. And when he crooks his fingers just right, he can feel how you’re getting just a little bit wetter, slicker.
“You take me so good,” He whispers against your lips, so close it's almost a kiss.
You’re breathless though, mouth slightly ajar, waiting for his tongue to slither between your lips. He doesn’t make a move though aside from a cocky smirk and an arched brow.
Mingyu lets his fingers continue on with their noble job of getting you closer and closer to the edge. Each push and pull of his digits inside you set your nerves alight, but the delicate movement of his right hands make you want to die.
Even as he’s coaxing and orgasm with three fingers on his left hand, the fingers on his right are tracing delicate swirls and unrecognizable patterns along your inner thigh. Every now and then they’d go higher, just by the lips of your pussy.
The pace is much too slow for your liking and you’re worried that your absence would start to seem suspicious. You weren’t at Mingyu’s training center where everything is kept under lock and key with a very well written NDA. You were at Music Bank where staff members were nosy and there was surely another girl group member roaming the halls, praying for your downfall.
“Daddy, faster,” Is all you can manage in between kisses on Mingyu’s jawline, licking a stripe to taste the salt of his sweat and that underlying tinge of just him.
You don’t expect his free hand to come and grip the underside of your jaw, his fingers long enough to reach both sides of your cheeks. He applies just the right pressure to squeeze your cheeks and force your lips into a pucker.
It would be cute if not for the look on Mingyu’s face.
“This is a birthday gift, angel. Be good while I give it to you, hmm?” He says as he begins to pick up the pace.
In no time the pace is punishing, the only thing slowing Mingyu down is how each push of his fingers back inside of you required a stretch and each time your walls made space for him inside you, you let out a little whimper.
When Mingyu presses his thumb against your clit, adding to the already intense pleasure, you can barely keep it together. In no time you feel the telltale signs of an inevitable orgasm.
No matter the method, every single orgasm Mingyu has ever given you was mind blowing, and this would be no exception. You feel the wetness dripping down your ass before you’re comprehending what exactly has happened, having difficulty in processing the immense pleasure coursing through you, your eyes slipping shut at the feeling of cumming all over Mingyu’s fingers.
Your walls tighten around him, even as you spill into his open palm and he continues to push in and out, droplets falling to the floor beneath you and between his feet.
Mingyu’s eyes are fixed on your entrance as he keeps you filled, pleased with how stretched out you are, ready for him to just slip in.
He pulls his fingers out only to move them to cover your clit, gently rubbing, keeping you on the precipice of pleasure, not allowing you a moment to come back to Earth. You’re in that heady space only he take you.
“Eyes open, baby. Watch daddy fuck his cock into you,” Mingyu says with a light slap to your face.
He moves and lifts your other leg up, maneuvering your hands that are wrapped around him to hold yourself open, keeping you fully spread open and seated on the dressing room counter.
Mingyu grasps his cock and gives himself one, two, three pumps to ease the initial need for friction, before he taps the now leaking tip against your clit. A pearlescent drop of precum falls on the hood of your clit and you watch, helpless as he harshly swipes at it with his thumb.
You hiss at rough handling but are immediately silenced when he brings the thumb up and shoves it into your mouth. He presses down on your tongue as if to wipe the cum off his finger. 
He grabs a fistful of the hair at the nape of your neck and smashes your mouths together. You love the way even his mouth seems to hold dominance over your own. The movements, no matter how unruly, are still just the right thing to get you going once more.
“We taste so good together, huh?” He whispers after fucking your mouth with his tongue. He pulls away slightly and lolls out his tongue to let a thick wad of spit fall from his lips down to your center.
The impact of the warm liquid has your gaping hole clenching around nothing.
It pleases Mingyu so much that he forgoes all the other teasing he initially had in mind and just guides the head of his cock to sop up the spit on your pussy before pushing in to the hilt in one thrust.
The blissed out sigh that you let out set him on fire.
Gone is the idea of long, languid strokes to stoke the fire in your belly. Instead he goes with a punishing pace that has high pitched cries slipping from your mouth.
His hands find the thickness of your ass to keep you in place, his hips doing all the work of rearranging your guts. In this angle and position, he can see how the head of his cock bulges in your abdomen slightly. It if was possible, he would have gotten harder.
Having already been so sensitive from hardly being able to come down from your first orgasm, Mingyu’s actions had you reeling into your second one in no time.
“My princess deserves to come already,” Mingyu says, slightly breathless, leaning his forehead on yours “Dad wants this pussy to never let him go.”
You nod in agreement, “It's yours forever. I love you.”
It almost seems pathetic for him to cum at those words, but it's a spectacular orgasm as he pulls out until only the head of his cock is inside you before he slams his hips flush to yours and letting himself flood your pussy with his cum.
You’re delirious as he keeps you steady,  pulling out so slowly to make sure you keep every single drop of him inside of you.
“Keep it in until you get home,” He says, “I want to slip right in the second you get through the door and still feel me inside you.”
You press your lips to his once, twice, and a third one for good measure before nodding excitedly.
“It’s your gift to me. I won’t let a single drop go to waste.”
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remy @ahreumtouch • may 8 GUYS I JUST READ THE CUTEST FAN ACCT FROM TODAY'S MUBANK WTFFFF
remy @ahreumtouch • may 8 There's a special guest at today's live performance!! After the Midas Touch recording there was a really loud and DEEP cheeer coming from backstage. The members were all looking to see who it was ijbol!!
remy @ahreumtouch • may 8 Ahreum was so happy when she figured out who it was that after bowing and greeting fans she left the stage but her mic was still on!!
huhu our baby was probably so happy and giggly as she always is! the op of the fan acct thinks its Mingyu!!
thank you Mingyu for loving and taking care of our precious Ahreum! 🥹🫧🩷
remy @ahreumtouch • may 8 CONFIRMED WTFFFFF 😭😭😭 Mingyu was seen leaving Music Bank today!!
SIR U R A FOOTBALLER U HAVE NO REASON TO BE AT MUSIC BANK IF NOT FOR UR IDOL GF!!
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winter-kh-sideblog · 1 year
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Axel from chain of memories is just so funny as a concept. I’m Obsessed with him
It’s like if the horrifying assassin sent to kill you was a minimum wage employee going through a divorce. And he didnt feel any guilt or apprehension about trying to kill you, (a random child LITERALLY just trying to find and hug your friends) but he Was lazy (depressed) as heck and hated his job. And trying to kill you faster so he could depression nap.
And his one source of joy was scaring the crap out of people and torturing them to death.
And ALSO he was a single dad struggling to work two jobs who loved his kids dearly but that did not make him a Better person or more likely to spare you .
The ONLY chance u have of survival comes down to whether or not he’s lazy enough to give up and depression nap.
The kids maybe make him More likely to stay and kill you because hes secretly worried he’s a bad father and he doesnt have to face up to Having Conversations About Feelings and Admitting He Cares About His Kids for however long hes scaring u.
He has stupid goth makeup with little clown looking teardrops under his eyes and a stupid catchphrase. He barely gets payed and has like no vacation days and is overworked because his company is stupidly short staffed and his ex husband is his manager and keeps sending him to assassinate his few remaining coworkers and hes too low in the company to argue and explain why this is a stupid idea. And management being like “ugh its like you dont even care about this job and you just wanna do the bare minimum and clock out. Now go kill your coworkers”
And ALSO its so funny because you dont know ANY of this
Imagine a scary horror clown man trying to murder you and you are About to die and then the horror clown’s alarm goes off and hes like “oh thank god its union mandated paid ten minute break. They CANNOT make me work in this time Fuck yeah goodbye loser” and he just Teleports across the room and is immediately on the phone like “babe STOP texting me . I DONT want you back. Maybe stop trying to kill our employees if youre so mad about us being short staffed. WAIT did you send me here to die. Was this a murder attempt. Hello?!?! HELLO?!??? DONT HANG UP ON ME?!??” And then he sighs and shrugs and starts reapplying glimmer eyeshadow until another alarm goes off and hea like “ewwwwwww work time.” And he stares at you like hed rather do anything in the world than resume your death fight. And then he stabs you with an on fire weapon and starts evil cackling with his full chest
Literally no one else will ever be him
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