#everyday is the same. everyday i feel nothing but hopelessness

[tortademaracuya]

Everyday feels exactly the same and it makes me wonder if there's even a reason to do anything

[scarletcomet]

scrolling through instagram and it's making me want to die

[divinegrapes]

FEEL THE LAW!

a challenge.

Are you tired of affirming and persisting? Are tired of consistent spiraling? Are you so focused on your circumstances you feel hopeless? STOP right there. @aphrodieties and I GOT YOU.

The law of assumption governs the universe and no one is exempt from this phenomena. Understanding the law is truly a privilege however feeling the law is priceless and the key to a fruitful existence.

The goal of the next 7 days is to consistently identify with your true self, Your godliness.

"I ask you: are you really keeping the faith? Do you always turn to your imagination and, no matter what happens, do you remain faithful to the state imagined? If you do, you have passed the test." - Neville (this quote here is your BIBLE).

Rules.

1) Stop asking questions and start doing. (no running to blogs for reassurance, reassure yourself, God is capable of reassuring,he reassures the world)

2) STICK TO THE BASICS! No void, vain repetition, and following the newest community trend.

The basics : Accept it and Sustain it.

3) Don’t question yourself and do what feels correct.

The whole purpose of this challenge is to identify with your inner man, your eternal being. Your eternal being has no questions for it is ALL KNOWING. You are all knowing.

4) Ask yourself in times of doubt . “Would God be worrying about this? Should I be worried about this?” YOUR I is GOD. It is EVERYTHING and Nothing at the same time. You are not your body, personality,thoughts and emotions. That’s not who you truly are, It’s who you CHOOSE to be. Ultimately you are nothingness.

5) Do this mediation, EVERYDAY. Feel the law and feel that you are God.

It is in no one’s best interest to say that reality is fake but I will say that your reality is what you make it.

Lectures to listen to this week (not mandatory for the challenge but highly recommended.)

Be angry and not sin - Edward Art

Law and Liberty - Neville Goddard

Fulfillment of God’s Promise- Neville Goddard

The pearl of great price - Neville Goddard.

Try to internalize these in the best way you know how , whether that be : to listen on repeat, journal your thoughts and/or meditate on the message. Just internalize the information and feel it to be true.

By the end of this challenge your self concept should be rock solid and you shall view your outer man in your desired light because your inner man has been fully embraced. All your “desires” will be realized.

Please update @aphrodieties and I !! we’ll love to hear about your successes, your new found faith and unshakable confidence.

[livelaughlovesubs]

Food for thought for sub Boothill: wireplay!

Mechanic reader who helps with repairs all up inside him and maybe an update has him tingle each time they touch his wires, or graze his ports, or the potential opportunities 🤤

I only did minor researches about cyborgs to have a basic understanding, so most of the things I write down will be purely fiction. Also sorry that it turned out as angst instead of NSFW :(

Feel free to ask for a second part to make up for it

Warning: (a little) angst, we are screwing around

Boothill had hinted at the fact that he can’t feel with his mechanical body parts for a while now. For him, who has been like this for so long, one would think he had gotten used to it. Yet that wasn’t the case. Were you to ask him if it bothered him, he’d answer no without an ounce of hesitation. This used to be the truth, until he fell for you. In other words, if you were to ask him the same question now, the response would be much more heartbreaking.

To get a simple comparison, it was as if your body didn’t belong to you. Despite him technically being able to do anything, it felt as if he couldn’t at the same time. Serving as an echo and reminder of his hopelessness prior to gaining this body. It was only a small price to pay considering the sin he committed by being the sole survivor, his path of revenge was fuelled with nothing but pure rage. A second life, filled with endless possibilities, at the loss of his own humanity, not the worst of his sacrifices.

The most regrettable change he had to undergo was the loss of sensation. Everyday, a numbness that wouldn’t vanish engulfed him from the bottom to his shoulders, pretty much mirroring his inner emotions. How losing the sense of touch could throw one into a deep abyss of endless emptiness was unimaginable. To think this would have such a huge consequence on his psyche was unpredictable, he believed it wouldn’t come this far, since he still could feel from his shoulders up to his head. He was horribly wrong.

Whenever you embraced him, some kind of guilt mixed with adoration would eat away at him. Boothill craved your touch, more than that he wanted to feel your warmth when he hugs you, not just the cold iron. At the same time he wished you’d find someone else. Staying by his side would only bring problems, considering the high bounty on his head. You deserved it, you deserved so much better than this icy, robotic body of his. Sometimes his true thoughts would slip out and he’d accidentally tell you how it’s a pity he can’t feel anything. Soon after he’d chuckle and tell you not to worry about it, as well as how he’s grateful for his current life, since he’ll be able to carry out revenge this way.

You have long figured out his concerns, and no matter how you showered his body with love and affection, he only seemed to condemn himself more. This wasn’t something you could just accept like that, seeing your lover being so down caused you nothing but grief. Especially with the thought in mind that you couldn’t help him- no. That’s not true. You could if you wanted to, it’s never too late to learn new things. Besides you had a basic understanding of mechanics and things related to it, since it is a part of your work. Even if you had never done something this high-tech, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Giving it a shot wouldn’t hurt no one, right?

After coming to such resolves, it got shaken again by your endless worries. You had no idea where to start, nor how a cyborg works. Besides the IPC is way more knowledgeable about this than you, so what’s the chance of success? How were you going to achieve that goal anyway? Uncountable amounts of questions flooded your mind, chasing away any traces of confidence you previously had. That’s when you reminded yourself as to why you wanted to do all of this in the first place. It’s all because of him, he wanted to feel, and who were you to refuse his request? Thus began your secret operation, to program a small device that works as a sensory aid. This took you so long that boothill also noticed you hiding something from him, yet he never asked, respecting your wish to keep it a secret.

One day, after you were sure that it was done and hundred precent safe, you mustered enough courage to present the idea to him. Your heart was in your hand while you explained it to him, on what exactly you would have to do as well as what this little piece of metal can do. With trembling hands, you held the small chip. It was only as big as a pingpong ball, yet it took you months to refine it to perfection. Suddenly breathing was like the most difficult task in the world, as well as speaking. Your breath was short and ragged as you stumbled over your words, trying your best to explain the situation. It was hard to believe you were suggesting the idea of doing modifications on your dear boyfriend.

Boothill was initially grinning, wondering what kind of present you got him. When he saw your nervous stutters and the gift in your hand, his expression loosened up a little, thus he was smiling meekly now. Without beating around the bush, he clasped his hand over yours, then said, “m’ mighty fine, ya’ do what ya’ want, no need to force it, aight?” His hand was cold like always, in contrary to you he didn’t quiver, simply because he couldn’t. Even so you knew this was very shocking to him, you noticed by the indescribable look on his face. There was his usual cheerful air, brave smirk and reassuring yet chaotic vibe. Though a hint of bitterness was hidden behind these layers.

Why? That’s what he wondered about. You spend all your free time on this, just for him, because he accidentally pitied it once or twice? Even though he appreciated the thoughts and efforts, he still felt bad. Yet there was something else too, scepticism. If this were to work, would things get better? Doubt, suspicion and most prominently fear engulfed him. What if it just doesn’t work? You must be so disappointed if that were the case. Or something might go wrong and he never gets the chance to hold you again, that would be way worse than his current fate. Frankly enough, he is already grateful to have a place to call home again, which is why he doesn’t want to be too greedy.

You nodded, then said, “I want to try, okay?” He saw your determination, so he had to reason to refuse you, giving you a smile as he replied, “don’t mess me up too much, darling.” After getting his consent, you made him lie down on the working bench. If he didn’t knew any better, it almost felt like you were a doctor. You started with removing his cover, using a cordless screwdriver to get rid of the metal plates on his torso. This way you can access his central parts and inner systems. Operating on a human being was stressing, especially because it was someone dear to you too. It took you a while until you properly understood his body and how everything worked, many wires were placed everywhere, so many that it confused you. There were also artificial bones to help stabilise and protect the wires as well as countless devices, similar to the task of real bones. Some kind of blue liquid was being pumped to his heart, keeping it alive. You found many chips for various purposes, yours in contrary looked like a joke. This was overwhelming at first, but after studying him for a bit, you came to understand most of it.

Behind his pelvis was his oil tank, with the energy conversion device being right next to it. It was connected to every single part of his body, since it was the machine delivering energy through every wire. There were also many other human-like parts; an artificial lung, an oxygen cylinder to store the air needed to keep the brain alive, an artificial stomach which was more like a storage for bullets. The department that you needed the most was behind his chest, where his motor for motion skills are. It was located alongside a few other big systems. If you could somehow connect the control system with your little chip there, then he might be able to turn on or off the sensor at free will. No doubt it was a bold gamble, but you were willing to try.

After hours of endless finger-work, to the point sweat was dripping down your chin, you finally managed to attach the device to the right place. A total of 52 tiny wires were needed to properly connect everything, the last thing you had to do was to reattach his covers. Before moving on to that part, you tapped your self made chip gently, wondering if he would be able to feel anything already. During the entire time you were working and basically experimenting on him, Boothill stayed quiet, not wanting to disrupt you. Though this time, he let out an irritated gasp, “huh.” It was strange, something wasn’t quite right. That means you did manage to make modifications to his body, the question is if it’s a good thing. “Boothill, are you alright?” You asked him immediately, worried that you made things worse. “Shucks cutie, m’fine, I’m not that frail.” Once again he retorted to his usual fun demeanour.

It wasn’t a lie, he was fine, but that doesn’t mean nothing happened. Though he didn’t know how to describe it neither. Somehow it felt like electricity was send to his brain, stimulating his nerves. The sensation he just experienced… it was weird yet familiar. Could it be whatever you did worked? Was that bizarre sensation the sense of touch? It’s been so long, he doesn’t know nor remember anymore. “I’m done, can you see if you can turn it on?” You said hesitantly, almost sounding as unsure as him. Boothill looked through his system, and there has indeed been a new feature unlocked. He downloaded it swiftly, a little on edge as he waited. 98%…99%… and done. “How do you feel?” The anticipation in your voice was as clear as day. This was the most intense part of your operation after all, it was if it bore fruition.

“I really don’t feel a difference.” He told you honestly, his brows furrowed. It seems he also kind of hoped for it to work, guess his expectations were too high. Your heart sank, all this work for nothing. In an instant, you grabbed his hand and brought it to your chest. With a disappointed and guilty tone, you spoke, “I’m sorry, I made you go through all that for nothing.” Then you held his iron hand tightly, as if to apologise to him. As soon as your skin made contact with him, his hand twitched and he pulled it back. A dumbfounded look was on your face along with the grief. When you stared at him, totally confused, you noticed his face heat up. “Boothill…?”

“Your hand’s warm.” He stated, lips slightly parted which revealed his sharp teeth. “What?” You didn’t quite catch the meaning behind his words, hence the question. Boothill sit up very abruptly and pointed a finger to his body, “touch m’ here.” Despite you not understanding the situation, you obliged anyway, tapping his torso with your index finger. “It worked!” The cyborg stated, blinking a few times in awe. “My forking goodness, this shirt works.” “You mean…?” Your own eyes widened, staring at him in disbelief. It worked? Your little amateur operation there? “It worked.” You had to repeat those words that seemed so unfamiliar in your mouth.

The realisation hit you, your hard work payed off and it wasn’t unnecessary. In an instand you pulled that man into a hug, wrapping your arms around his torso, holding him tightly. “Hey now, don’t squeeze me so suddenly mother-fudger, hahaha.” Boothill laughed, returning your embrace immediately. This feeling was what he subconsciously missed. For the first time in years, he could feel the warmth of another. He can feel it when something is touching him, when you are caressing him so gently.

Even though first and foremost he looks unbothered, only happy about this new function, he was deeply shaken by it. His bottom lip trembled due to the overwhelming emotions swirling around inside him. If he could cry, he would. Partly because he’s so grateful for your deeds, also because feeling so many stimulations when he literally couldn’t for years is a bit overwhelming. It wasn’t bad though, your hug felt so nice. To think the first thing he gets to feel after being senseless all these years is not anything fighting related, but the soft feeling of your tender embrace. How lucky he was. If he dared to be a little more selfish, then he’d wish this moment could last forever.

[mikareo]

⌗ TWO SLOW DANCERS ₊ ˖ ་. gojo satoru x fem reader (1.2k)

⊹ ⠀⠀why doesn’t he love you?

contains; angst, rejection, reader just wants to be loved, gojo's kinda a dick, mitski did this to me, not proofread author's note; i'm thinking abt the guy who didn't want me rn sorry

“Can I ask you something?” you murmur, your voice nothing above a faint whisper. Fear of judgment is laced within it, something you can’t help but wish you could get rid of. “It’s going to sound ridiculous, and if you think so you can just ignore me.” He’s going to ignore you.

However, Gojo sits up straighter. His eyes are intending to focus on you. “Nothing you say is ridiculous. I’m always here to listen.” You want to believe him so badly. There’s nothing else in the world that you wish for. All you need is a confession, him reciprocating the depth of your feelings, but you know that’s impossible. If he felt the same, he wouldn’t have started seeing that girl; no matter the fact that she’s wonderful for him, amazing, and kind. If she’s so amazing, what are you doing wrong? What is it about her that you can’t compare to? You know you’d be perfect for Gojo. He’s your best friend. He’s the person who knows you better than anyone, so why is it that he doesn’t love you the same way you love him? It doesn’t make sense. 

What are you doing wrong?

“...am I difficult to love?” You feel like you already know the answer. It’s a pointless question that’s been eating you up inside for years, ever since you first met and he instantly treated you as a friend when you wanted to be loved by him. “I know it’s silly, but I feel so helpless.”

Without realizing it, your words flow from your lips like a river streaming downhill. Not even the largest dam could hold in your insecurities. “I try so hard, everyday to be kind and patient and perfect; but no one seems to notice. Is there something that everyone else has that I don’t? What am I missing that makes me invisible? Why do I feel so stuck while the world keeps moving and progressing and making changes that I can’t keep up with? Why don’t you love me?”

There it is. 

There’s the question that you’ve swallowed down for the past ten years of knowing Gojo Satoru…and somehow…

…it seems that he already knows the answer. 

“I do love you.”

In half a second, your heart beats faster. It swells with an overwhelming pink feeling that practically causes it to burst. You almost see stars. In your imagination you’re flying through the night sky, weaving constellations together as you hold Gojo’s hand and ask him what he’s wishing on that shooting star, oh so close to you. So close, yet so far. So far, that it never reaches you; because nothing is ever as it seems. It isn’t a wish racing your way, it’s a meteorite. A meteor thats target is the home in your heart that you’ve made so lovingly for your best friend. The flaming rock finds your weakest point and begins to wither it away into nothing but hopeless shreds of dreams. In a half a second, you’re on the top of the world. In a half a second, your world is destroyed. 

“I just don’t love you in the way you want me to.”

You’re a fool. You knew this was coming.

“I can’t imagine my life without you.” Shut up. Why can’t he just shut up? You don’t need these filler words, these empty statements that he’s only saying to make you feel better about your worthless self. “You’re such an important part of my everyday.” Shut up!

It’s so hard to hold in the tears. Your dam already burst— but instead of a river, it seems that you’ve got an ocean of feelings. This ocean is polluted, though. It’s littered in trash and oil, after years of wanting something that was never yours. Other men have thrown their waste in your waters and Gojo’s always been the one to clean it up. He’s always made you laugh…made you smile…made you believe that everything is going to be okay as long as you trust him. Now, you’ve made the mistake of trusting him with your heart; when he’s never cared if it shatters. 

“Please don’t say those things to me.” It’s pathetic, the whimper shaking from the tip of your tongue. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Gojo isn’t even replying to you. He’s simply staring with the most pitiful look in his eyes, as if you’re a dying animal that he’s just shot with a rifle. How do you make him stop looking at you like that? You’re better than this! Just suck it up and smile!

Somehow, you find yourself laughing. “Don’t worry about it, Satoru. I’ll be fine, it’s just a silly little crush.” You’re lying. 

It’s so obvious you’re lying. 

He’s never been a crush. If he was a fleeting crush, then you wouldn’t spend your nights thinking of how you made him smile earlier in the day. You wouldn’t know his favorite place, song, and movie at the top of your head. You wouldn’t imagine his face whenever you picture your wedding day— at the end of the aisle, smiling at you with tears in his eyes. If he was just a little crush, it wouldn’t feel like your entire world is ending. 

“I know you’ve liked me, it’s a little obvious.” He shrugs. “I just assumed you’d get over it?” 

He knew? He’s known all this time?

There’s a war raging between your heart and your mind. It’s a battlefield with logic on one side and love on the other. The rational part of you knows that he can’t help his feelings. He can’t force himself to reciprocate something that he’s never felt before. That’s unfair to him, and you can’t make him love you…

…but the other half of you can’t accept that. 

After all these years of waiting for him. Years and years of watching your closest friends find love, be loved, and experience all of the firsts that you’ve always wanted to experience with him by your side. He doesn’t love you. You’ve known Gojo Satoru since you were ten years old. You’re twenty now and still so delusional that you believe he can feel the same way. Why can’t he, though? Gojo knows you from front to back. If there’s anyone in the world who could write an encyclopedia titled with your name, it’s him; and he still doesn’t love you. You’re the person who’s been there for him through countless breakups and temper tantrums. You’re the one who he trusts most in this world, yet he will never…ever…want you back. 

Someone is writing the story of the world. Someone is tying the strings of fate, the line of destiny, or whatever you want to call it; and that someone isn’t on your side. They never have been and they never will be…

…at least not in the case of Gojo Satoru. 

“I’ll try my best.” A phony smile graces your face and you’re now realizing that he’s never once called you beautiful. Yet, you still want him. Perhaps it’s human nature to wish for the things that are terrible for you. “You don’t have to worry about me, Satoru. I’ll be fine.”

Yeah, maybe in ten years. 

“I’ll be able to forget about this.”

You don’t think you will.

“I didn’t mean to inconvenience you.”

Your feelings are an inconvenience.

“It’s nothing.”

It was love.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⊹₊｡ reblogs are greatly appreciated! ˚₊⊹

[ssturniolo]

could u write something where reader is going through a sort of depressive episode where like trader just kinda feels hopeless and stuff and is pushing chris away and so he doesn’t understand why until matt like points it out and so chris then feels bad and comforts reader sorry if this is long😭

Everything’ll be alright

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤 - Chris x fem!reader

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 - request <3

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 - mentions of depression, bad mental health, Chris being oblivious, not proofread

Everything in your life has just been going wrong. Or at least it’s felt that way. Simple everyday tasks have grown increasingly difficult to do and every waking moment is it’s own battle. You’ve had no contact with the outside world in who knows how long, not even your own boyfriend. It just seems as though nobody cares and that, along with everything else is slowly destroying you.

Only leaving your bed to use the bathroom and grab another bag of chips that will eventually be thrown to the side uneaten, has been how you’ve been living for awhile now. You’re filled with this overwhelming feeling of despair and it just won’t go away. At war with your own mind, and there doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of this tunnel. Just a dead end.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** **

Chris lays on the couch, scrolling through Instagram while hoping that you’ll answer one of his million texts. He knows you’re pushing him away but he can’t figure out why. What did he do wrong? You’re his first girlfriend and he’s so afraid to loose you but he doesn’t know what’s wrong or what to do.

“Me and Nick are going to McDonald’s if you want to bring y/n,” Matt calls as he grabs his keys off the counter.

“No that’s ok, I don’t think she’d want to” Chris reply’s, not looking up from his phone.

“But I thought she loves McDonald’s? I haven’t heard from her in awhile, how’s she doing?” Matt asks, his voice laced with concern.

“I wouldn’t know” Chris mumbles, clearly hurt.

Every once in awhile you kind of disappear but you’ve never done it for this long, let along not talking to Chris at all.

“Did you guys break up?” Matt asks gently as he sits by Chris on the couch.

“No but she ghosted me” Chris starts, pressing his palms into his eyes. “She’s completely disappeared off of social media, and never answers my texts or calls even when it says she’s active.”

Worry is painted across Matt’s features as he watches his brother fight off tears.

“Chris I think you should go check up on her. Y/n wouldn’t do this without a really good reason and I think she’s really struggling right now. I’ll bring you on the way to McDonald’s ok?”

Chris never thought about that fact you might not be doing well, he was more concerned about you ignoring him.

“Ok, let’s go.”

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** **

You’ve been curled up on your bed, staring at the same spot on your wall for what’s seemed like forever. How long exactly? You have no clue. Your only telling of time was whether there was light peeking through the blinds, or if everything was just swallowed in darkness.

The creak of the door to your room opening startles you out of your dazed state, confused as you hadn’t heard anyone come into your apartment.

“Hey there princess” a familiar voice whispers as he shuts the door behind him.

Chris.

Without another word, he climbs into your bed, snaking his arms around you, holding you close against his chest. And that’s all it took for you to burst into tears, wetting his t-shirt as you cry into his chest.

“I’m trapped Chris, I’m trapped” you manage to cry out in between sobs.

“I don’t know what to do”

“Everything will be alright baby, we’ll figure this out together, I’ve got you” he whispers soothingly into your hair.

There’s a terrible pressure on your chest, you feel everything and nothing at the same time, and your whole life seems to be crumbling down in front of you, but Chris is there. Right besides you through it all just like he’s always been. The world could be falling apart and he’d be there, ready to hold you in his arms and tell you everything will be alright.

Right now, all you need is Chris and he doesn’t plan on leaving anytime soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for the request my love 🫶🏻

XOXO - Zoe

Tag-list ⬇️

@dwntwn-strnlo @soleilsturniolos @mbbsgf @gabbylovesreading @0-r-a-y-0 @sturn3g1rl @lvrsparadise @taylorssfilmsss @emssturniolo @ilovemattsturn @nickenthusiast @itsaaliyah2 @thetriplets3 @urfavstromboli

[hornsent-consort]

Varré x bloody finger hunter male reader

Warnings: reader death, hurt comfort, enemies to lovers, paralysis, no beta reader (we die like men), references to other characters (Yura and Eleonora), slightly ooc?

(There’s like one lyric from this song paraphrased into this, but I was listening to this while writing, so it’s a little bit inspired by it)

⟢ when Varré saw you, he had known that you’d be a nuisance. You made it your job to eliminate the agents of Mohg, otherwise known as the Bloody Fingers.

⟢ Varré didn’t consider himself a bloody finger, so anytime you’d come around to do your job, he’d make the excuse that he was “just a poor war surgeon trying to make ends meet”.

⟢ it would spoil your mood and you’d have to force yourself not to kill him right there. He was truly annoying.

⟢ there were many times when he would flirt and you’d be disgusted. Days where you two did fight and ended up tired, laying against the wall of the church, legs brushed together.

⟢ Yura warned you about having relationships with the enemy. You were aware of what happened to him and eleonora. You assured him that nothing would happen between you and Varré. The thought made you sick to your stomach.

⟢ your cycle continued until the one day you weren’t interested in fighting. You were sick with deathroot and needed help, and Varré (unfortunately) had medical experience.

⟢ it hurt to walk to the church. The deathroot had pierced through your leg and was slowly taking away all feeling. Eventually, you had to just give in to the paralysis and sit against a rock.

⟢ you didn’t reach the church completely, but you were far enough where Varré could see you. He walked over to you and immediately began to tease.

“What’s wrong, hm? Can’t you use your legs?” You couldn’t see his face behind the mask, but you can see that shit eating grin just by his eyes. You stared at him, not feeling well enough to talk. You just wanted him to get the hint and help you. “Come now! Use your words.”

“Deathroot.” You stared at him and he stared back. He bent over to pick up your arm and threw it over his neck. He placed a hand on your waist and pulled you up. Slowly but surely, you made it to the church.

⟢ you were going to die. Varré knew this, but he still took care of you. When you asked him about it, he simply said that he wanted to give you false hope before your inevitable death. He wanted to see your hopeless face while you laid on your deathbed.

⟢ it didn’t hurt you since you knew you’d do the same to him.

⟢ everyday you were given Rejuvenating Boluses and soup. The soup was good and had tiny bits of prawn. “Varré must’ve gotten them from the boggart shack guy,” you thought.

⟢ Varré was fast so the death blight was slow. You couldn’t walk, but when you needed to bathe, Varré helped with no issue. The real trouble came when you needed to defecate, but you worked out a system that wouldn’t be intrusive.

⟢ While bathing, Varré made the decision to help you completely. The death blight had made its way to your spine, so you lost movement in some areas of your arms and hands. At first it was intrusive, but you grew to appreciate his presence and his help.

⟢ when you fell asleep, it was with him. You said you preferred it that way so that if you needed anything, he couldn’t pretend not to hear you.

⟢ that made Varré smile.

The sun started to rise and your eyes fluttered open. The first thing you saw was Varré. He never took off his mask or uniform. You could barely move, but you were able to muster enough strength to bring up your hand and remove his head dress. You were careful not to move the mask.

When the piece of cloth was gone, you began to rake your fingers through Varré’s hair. You saw his eyes open, but you didn’t stop. You could only feel his hair on certain parts of your hand, and having the ability to feel someone made you a little overwhelmed.

Varré sat up and helped you into the same position. You both stared at each other in silence. Varré reached behind his head and untied his mask. He was just so human. “I hate you,” you said as you let your top half go slightly limp so you’d land on his chest.

⟢ it was a month since you got infected. You were going to die soon, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

⟢ Varré stopped wearing his mask and his attitude changed. Lots of times, he’d just talk to you. He talked a lot about the past. Not his past or your past, but just the past of the world. These were, for the most part, one sided conversations.

⟢ you think he’s trying to keep your mind off dying.

Death under cut

⟢ this day was harder than the rest. By now your whole body was limp. The only thing you could feel was your lips and mouth. You talked sometimes, but it was hard.

⟢ Varré knew today was the day, and he put you against the wall and sat next to you.

“Are you scared?” You didn’t respond. He could tell you were thinking, so he gave you time to let his question sink in. Eventually, you slightly shook your head “I’m not. I know I survived this long because you cared. I know that you love me, but hope just wasn’t there.” Varré nodded and stared at the empty space that was supposed to be a wall across from them.

Varré glanced at you and saw you eying his hand. He smiled and moved it to your hand. You couldn’t feel it, but you saw it. It was enough to make you smile as you closed your eyes.

+143637 runes

[kurishiri]

alfons sylvatica . . . route preview

— this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— cw: a small sexual scene (that could be dub-con).

My sin is——a happy illusion.

Alfons: Now, let go of all that which scares you... how about we indulge ourselves in pleasure now?

Alfons Sylvatica. While donning a gentlemanly façade, the immorality that lingered in the air could not be concealed...

He was much like a walking nightmare.

—— Scene ——

Jude: Damn, ya got taken to bedfordshire already? My sincere condolences.

Kate: T-that’s not what happened!

Alfons: How very cruel... and after we exchanged such passionate kisses, you would insist that was naught but a mere fling...?

Kate: Gh... weren’t you the one who made me a mere fling of yours!?

Liam: Ah.

Harrison: Oh man...

Ellis: She admitted it.

Kate: ——!?

Alfons: Pfft, ahaha!

A: Hah... you truly are second to none, Miss Kate.

—— Scene end ——

—— Scene ——

Kate: Mn, sto...ah, uhh... n-no...

Alfons: ...Aha, your lips say to ‘stop,’ and yet you’re quite wet here now.

A: Would it perhaps be safe to assume that when you were on my heels from the pub, you were anticipating this?

—— Scene end ——

Behind the pub, within a carriage, at the shower room, at his room——

It mattered not if it was day or night, he would always intoxicate me with a convenient illusion and drown me in pleasure.

In such ways, he would encroach upon my everyday, painting over the fear I felt from missions, the uncertainty of the dark night, anything and everything.

Alfons: Life is but a tragedy, after all. And so, we require an escape, or entertainment, so to speak. Such is the case, is it not?

Utterly ridiculous and a good-for-nothing; villainous and insincere at best, he was a man who relished in others’ reactions and pleasurable sensations.

And yet——

—— Scene ——

(I get the feeling that Alfons is smiling, and yet he’s not at the same time… at least, I think.)

Kate: Is this really fun for you…?

Roger: What, you’re worried for Al, lil lady?

Kate: I-it’s not as though I’m worried.

—— Scene end ——

—— Scene ——

Kate: Hey, don’t get too over the top!

Alfons: Oh, but that was hardly my intention, for I was simply assessing your sincerity, you see.

(I-I swear, this man…!)

Alfons: Aww… you truly are a darling one, aren’t you.

—— Scene end ——

The reason he plastered an apathetic smile and indulged in nightly pleasures, the genuine smile he would occasionally show me,

and his illusory “truth,” which seemed to distance itself the moment my fingertips grazed its surface… I wanted to know it all, almost to a hopeless extent.

——But, by the time I realized, I had already gone beyond the point of no return.

Even though I knew that I would only get hurt.

—— Scene ——

Alfons: People are meant to die, without exception.

Kate: …But, wouldn’t you find it unpleasant to die in a place like this, having covered for me?

Alfons: Never did I say that.

A: No matter at what time, in what place, and for what purpose I die, is this not simply an ending you could find anywhere else?

(Just why do you live like this?)

—— Scene end ——

—— Scene ——

Kate: Why… are you doing these things…?

K: All I wanted was to like you, and be by your side… and yet…

Alfons: …Because I find it a nuisance.

—— Scene end ——

No matter how much I tried to push it aside, I could not bury this love to the grave.

Because I had ended up knowing the “tragic fate” he was dealt with, the reason he lived such a decadent life——and,

the truth that laid in his heart, the one not even he himself knew.

—— Scene ——

Alfons: Truly, in every sense of the word, you are a fool.

A: Alright, fine, I understand now. I admit my defeat.

A: I will give up… on making you give up, that is.

Kate: …Wait, Alfo—

Alfons: Let us put an end to this now, so we do not pour more salt into the wound.

—— Scene end ——

It was a love where, even while being crushed to pieces by this merciless reality,

I chased after him, over and over, though he slipped through my fingers like an illusion.

Was such an ending a cliché tragedy one could find anywhere else? Or perhaps——

Alfons: However foolish you may be, I am just as much so.

A: Well, if you say so, it cannot be helped.

A: By all means, let me be the one to drive you to insanity… and make you regret it all.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, show me not a dream I long to see.

Lay your truth down here before me,

lest upon this love an illusion shall befall. [1]

first. next →

NOTES:

[1] the original lines are [鏡よ鏡、都合のいい夢を見せないで] (kagami yo kagami, tsugō no ī yume wo misenaide) / [あなたの真実を教えて] (anata no shinjitsu wo oshiete) / [この愛がーー幻になる前に] (kono ai ga maboroshi ni naru mae ni). this literally translates to: “mirror, oh mirror, don’t show me a convenient dream. / tell me your truth. / before this love becomes an illusion.”

masterlist🪞 ╱ ko-fi ☕️

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ tags🏷️ ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ @drachonia @.comment or dm to be added or removed!

[julesdaydreams]

Hopelessly devoted to you

@rosekillermicrofic II May 4 - hopeless II word count: 804

fluff, fluff, just so much fluff <3

One thing about Evan Rosier?

He was absolutely and unquestionably hopeless for his best friend, Barty Crouch Jr.

It started when they met at 11 years old. Evan had taken one look at the other boy causing mayhem on their first day at school and he instantly knew that this boy would be his best friend.

What followed were three years of Evan going above and beyond when it came to Barty. Skipping classes with him, letting him copy their homework, pranks, long nights awake on the same bed just talking and talking - Evan did it all and he did it happily.

He was fourteen by the time he realized his feelings for Barty went beyond your usual best friend relationship. That maybe it wasn't normal to do everything your best friend asked of you in a heartbeat and if Barty would jump off a bridge, Evan wouldn't hesitate to follow him.

He spent another three years hopelessly in love with Barty, pining after the other boy while he explored his sexuality in every way possible.

Evan died a little every time Barty kissed someone else, everytime he saw a sock on the doorknob, everytime he spent his time alone because his best friend was elsewhere occupied.

He tried to stop giving Barty everything - including his heart. Tried dating, tried having a casual hookup that he had to break off before the boy could even get to his underwear because his whole body recoiled at the thought of letting anyone touch him like that.

No matter what he did, it always came back around to Barty. Wirh his mischievous eyes and chapped lips that Evan had spent too many nights thinking about kissing.

He had resigned himself to never getting over Barty in their last year at school. Had found peace in being just his best friend and nothing more. His heart ached everyday but at this point it was a familiar feeling amd he welcomed it. Was glad to know he loved his best friend and would until his last breath.

This is why he didn't know what to do with himself the moment the impossible had happened and Barty told him that he loved him.

It was a random day, Evan had been lying on his bed, getting an assignment done that was due the next day when Barty came barreling in through the door, looking disheveled, a frantic look in his eyes that had Evan in alert almost immediately.

And then - completely out of the blue - he said the one thing Evan could've never predicted.

“I love you, Rosie.”

And Evan had blinked, had needed Barty to clarify, needed reassurance that he wasn't dreaming, that this moment was real and Barty really loved him and he wasn't fucking with Evan.

And when he finally got that reassurance, when Barty looked so beautiful right there in their room, heart in his hand and offering it to Evan with quivering hands, Evan jumped up from his place on the bed and closed the small space between them to crash their lips together.

It was everything Evan every dreamed of and more.

Now, five years later, of which they've lived four together in a flat in london - that wasn't very big or impressive but it was theirs - Evan thought back to those moments of his younger self and smiled.

It hadn't been all sunshine and rainbows. Evan was so afraid Barty would leave him the moment he told him about not wanting to have sex - in any way. But Barty had been more than understanding, talking about how just kissing Evan was more than enough and even though he thought it impossible, Evan fell even harder for the other boy.

They also fought from time to time - with two personalities like theirs it was normal to butt heads every once in a while but they always came crawling back to each other at the end, always needed the other's comfort.

Lying there in their bed, Barty's head resting peacefully on Evan's chest while Evan carded his hands through his boyfriends hair, Evan wished he had the chance to tell his fourteen year old self that everything would turn out well.

And when Barty excused himself for a moment, left towards the bathroom and came back through the door, looking at Evan with such an intensity but such a calmness to him that starkly differed from the time where they were in a similar position - Evan on his bed, Barty in the middle of the room after barrelling through the door - and his boyfriend got down on one knee with that infuriatingly handsome smile on his face, Evan knew that maybe Barty was just as hopelessly in love with him as he was.

[trancylovecraft]

(KNY) YANDERE PLATONIC! KOKUSHIBO x SISTER READER: You, Shibou. I, Kokoro (CHAPTER FIVE)

Previous Chapter ☆♡☆ Masterlist ☆♡☆ Next Chapter

AO3 link

CHAPTER FIVE: "These explanations are valid. But it should be known if the same day a friend of the desperate hasn't spoken to him with an indifferent tone.."

Mourning is the expression of grief after someone died. There are several types of mourning with an example being Chronic Grief.

Symptoms for this kind of grief can include extreme feelings of hopelessness, A sense of disbelief and a loss of meaning. All of which can lead to severe clinical depression or thoughts of self harm and even suicide.

The song of sparrows and swallows danced through the summer breeze, All sat nestled within the vegetation as they hummed their melody.

The soft sunlight shone down upon the shrine, Giving a blessing of quiet light to the abundance of blossoming flowers nearby. [F/N] blinked once, Trying to figure out whether what she was seeing was a mirage or reality.

Was this the afterlife? It certainly felt like it as the gentle warmth caressed her skin, A calm embrace that pacified her worries. It felt peaceful, Something so tranquil that she couldn't help but melt into the porch she was perched on.

She felt the heat of the wood as she laid against it, Like a firm hand cupping her cheek as she basked in the sunlight. Her worries quickly dissolving into nothing at the touch.

Afterlife.. Why did she mistake her everyday as the Afterlife? How did it even come up in the first place? [F/N] had no idea. She huffed lightly, Only mildly confused as she nuzzled further into the comfort of the timber.

She took a moment to take it all in. The rustle of the leaves, The cicadas in the bushes, The clear sapphire skies looking over her. It was beautiful, A serene little world all to herself, It was paradise.

Life was nice, It was simple and tranquil. She tended to the crops, To the shrine and the wellbeing of the forest. And after she was done with that she could spend her day roaming around with the wildlife, Spending time with her brothers and watching them train.

It was good.

"[F/N]..!"

She heard her name called out to her, And without a second thought or any bodily control [F/N] jolted up from her lying position to look across the courtyard.

"Lying on the porch again? You're gonna get sunburn if you keep doing that.."

[F/N] watched her older brother, Michikatsu, Slowly make his way over to her. He had a single hand on the hilt of his sword while the other was wiping the training sweat from off his brow, A light smile playing on his face as he did.

"Michi-Nii! You're back!" [F/N] exclaimed as she hopped up from the porch, Quickly dusted herself off before running over to him and jumping into his arms so swiftly that it made him stumble back a bit.

"Ah! [F/N], You need to be more careful.. You could of knocked me over." Michikatsu scolded, Yet the warmth playing in both his eyes as he held her up told [F/N] all she needed to know.

"As if! You're too tough for that." [F/N] grinned as she looked down on her older brother.

Michikatsu shook his head lightly

"You really give me too much credit sometimes.." Michikatsu remarked as he brought his gaze away from her, His smile was still there yet [F/N] could see the slight quirk.

She reached over and held his shoulder, The touch bringing him back to his senses as he looked right back at [F/N].

"You don't give yourself enough credit, You're able to train for hours at a time and not even get tired. I'd definetly consider that tough!" [F/N] said, The smile evident in her voice as she said so.

Michikatsu frowned

"I hear you saying things like that all the time to Yorichii, You know? I appreciate your words but.." Michikatsu trailed off from his sentence, The venomous undertone spiking in concentration at the mention of his twin.

[F/N] squeezed his shoulder.

"…But Yori-nii doesn't train for hours at a time, Does he? I mean all my words to him, I really do but if I am being honest.." [F/N] paused as she lowered her voice. "You've got drive to be strong. It's really admirable, You know? Yori-nii may be strong and such but honestly, You have the passion to do it.. It's you who I look up to." [F/N] admitted.

A nervous giggle followed her words, Like she was slightly embarrassed by the fact she was actually able to confess it to him.

Michikatsu seemed shocked as he heard this, The light in his blank eyed stare seemed to spark up like wood to friction as he looked up at his sister. The grip on her grew only a smidge tighter as he smiled.

"You.. You really mean that?" Michikatsu asked.

[F/N] beamed back at him, An expression that almost seemed as warm as the sun as she looked back at him.

"Of course I mean it! You're my-" [F/N] cut herself off suddenly, Her words dying on her tongue. The happy grin slowly dissolving into a puzzled frown.

"[F/N]?" Michikatsu asked as he noticed the grip on his shoulder loosen, Then eventually fall to her side.

"You're my.." [F/N] mumbled. Michikatsu set her down onto the ground, Her feet lightly touching the smoothed dirt as she stood there quietly.

Michikatsu went down onto a single knee to level his eyes with her far-off ones.

"[F/N].. Are you alright?" He asked, Eyes searching for the answer as he watched her brows knit together. Her stare returning to him as her visage contorted into a slightly alarmed expression.

"I.. I don't know.. Who are you?" [F/N] exclaimed, Her stance stumbled back. Her breath growing heavy as she felt the world around her darken, The sun burning so bright before seemed to melt away into a endless black void.

"[F/N]" Her name sounded so distorted when he spoke now, As she looked back at him she could see that it wasn't just the sun that was melting.

It was his face too.

Like melting wax his features turned into sludge. His nose, Eyes and mouth all dripped down and fell into a puddle on the ground, Which started pulling them both in like quicksand.

[F/N] screamed.

She tried to pull away once his molten arm lunged out for hers, Yet she was too slow. His rapidly deteriorating limb locking onto hers, Yanking her forward off her feet and into his grasp.

[F/N] cried even louder, Tears starting to rush out of her ducts as she felt the sludge touch her skin.

He kept making noises as he pulled her in, Strangled and choked wails like he was in pain. Like his vocal chords were mangled and severed inside his throat. [F/N] struggled, She flailed about in his hold. Kicked, Punched, Hit, Anything. Anything at all to get out of the sludge starting to envelop her whole.

It latched onto her legs, Onto her arms and her mid-section. It was like it was desperate, Like it's life depended on bringing her as close as possible.

What was happening? Why was the entire world that seemed so tranquil before turn into a candle wax nightmare? The entire world seemed to follow suit of the monster intent on consuming her, Dripping away and mixing together like a raindrops on a window.

Her screams mixed into the dissolving world too, Sounds combining with the shrill cries of the monster as she felt the nigh-boiling heat of his molten flesh grasp onto her face. [F/N] felt her own skin start to bubble.

Then eventually, She felt herself start to melt.

☆♡☆

Her body jolted like skin to an exposed wire, Eyes shooting open as she gasped for air.

She felt her lungs rapidly expand then decrease, A cold sweat running down her back as she tried to gather her racing thoughts. [F/N]'s body felt like it had been frozen to the touch, Both with the sheer temperature of the chilling room and the stiffness of her unthawed limbs. They felt so numb, The only feeling was the minute aching of her joints so far spread that it was like she hadn't moved in weeks.

What happened? [F/N] gripped the side of her head, A throbbing pain in her frontal lobe pulsated as she groaned in pain. It made it hard to recollect herself, To remember what could of happened.

Her spare hand felt around, Vision still a tad blurry as her fingers met the soft touch of thick fabric.

[F/N] tried to blink away the fuzz in her sight as she continued to feel around, It was the cotton bedding of a futon.

She groaned, Finally piecing together enough parts of the puzzle to come to terms of what happened.

[F/N] had fallen asleep, She had another nightmare.

[F/N] sighed. A tired yet tad annoyed exhale of air escaped her lungs as her body stilled onto the futon like a rolling coin, The soft mattress feeling like delicate silk on her skin as she relaxed.

Her memories, They came back to her like a heeling dog. [F/N] recalled the fight with Uppermoon one, Her fatal injuries, The destruction of her shrine.. She felt her heart jolt at the thought of it.

The walls which sheltered her through thick and thin, The ruined hallways that held such talkative life and the ceilings that housed the injured and maimed.. All destroyed within a single night.

The thought of it disgusted [F/N], During the fight she hadn't thought much of it- The raw adrenaline being a distraction to it's fall. She calmed down rather quickly however.

The fight with the Uppermoon, Her injuries, The shrine's destruction. It wasn't real, It couldn't be.

Because she was currently lying in her bedroom.

It was dark, [F/N] could barely see a foot in front of her due to the poor lack of lighting. Despite it however she could make out the basic shapes of furniture lying within the shadows. The closet, The dresser and the tatami mats lain out were all there, Just like they've always been.

The shoji door's that let in only a crack of periwinkle light, The several statues of worship scattered about, Everything she owned, They were here.

It all must of been a dream, Her bedroom was destroyed along with the rest of the shrine so it was completely impossible to be lying down on her futon right now.

[F/N] felt a low frustration rise in her throat. These nightmares were getting out of hand. It was easier when it was the blizzard, Then she knew what to expect, She knew what she was getting into despite how horrid it would be.

Now? Dreams involving "Uppermoon one", Both the melting flesh and the shrine invasion were so much worse. They changed every time, She had no idea what was coming, Had no preparation at all.

The latter was particularly worse. Mitsuri's face, Her hysterical begging for [F/N] not to go, It burned into her mind like a branding. Not to mention the finality of her death only to wake up and find out it was just a nightmare.

[F/N] thought she finally got it over with, She supposed not however, The shrine was proof of that.

Though these dreams had to be a sign, But of what?

[F/N] stretched her arms slightly, Trying to wear off the numbness in her joints as she tried to haul her upper body into a sitting position, Only to yelp out in pain and fall back into the silky mattress.

A sharp pain feeling appeared in her abdomen once she tried to get up, It felt like a dozen knives stabbing into her, Twisting and turning within her guts.

[F/N] groaned, Her hands reaching down to the point of pain only to come to touch with what felt like bandage dressing.

Her eyes widened, Needing to confirm this information she quickly shoved off the covers protecting her from the cold draft. And sure enough, She was right.

Wrapped tightly yet carefully across her abdomen were thick bandages, Wrapped entirely around the front to her back.

Small splotches of red seemed to stain parts of the dressing, One's that made [F/N]'s jaw drop agape as she peered down at her core.

What.. What does this mean..?

Her dream.. In her dream she was fatally wounded, She had finally died.. All due to deep injury inflicted on her. It had to be a dream though, She was in her shrine of course!

But it was here, The dressing was covering the exact place she had been struck.

[F/N] planted both hands on each side of her and with great effort she slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position, Careful not to trigger the pain.

Beads of sweat rolled down her forehead as she finally sat up. She was simply dressed in an oversized Jinbei, Sleep clothing that seemed too big for her stature yet stayed comfortable draped on it anyways.

She breathed in and out. What was happening? The shrine around her started to seem more distorted than it did before. Furniture seeming bigger or smaller than she remembered, Things misplaced.

All of it just starting to seem.. off.

It was her shrine but.. Something was wrong. Something very wrong. The feeling creeping up her spine didn't help either. An uncomfortable dread climbing up her back and drenching her in sweat, A feeling that felt like she was being watched.

Her open maw snapped shut. Her body growing rigid in place, The eyes like that of a gorgons.

Something was watching her

From her peripherals, She could see six glowing amber eyes were watching her from within the darkness.

They were piercing. Even though she only dared to see through the corners of her vision she could tell how intense their gaze was, How they seemed to be looking right through her, Glaring right into her soul.

She felt her hands start to tremble. Her mouth growing dry as her thoughts felt like they were going a thousand miles per minute, Racing to find a solution.

The eyes.. There eyes were looking at her.. What was she going to do? What could she do?

[F/N] had no time to think as they started to move.

The six glowing points shifted and moved within the shadows like fireflies. [F/N] could only make out the general shape of the being as it morphed within the darkness into what looked like a standing position.

[F/N] didn't need to have another thought, She knew who it was. It was the man from her 'dreams'.

Uppermoon one.

In her dream or at least what she thought was a dream he seemed much less.. Imposing. It's not to say he wasn't, He certainly was but it was easily ignorable due to the heat of the moment and [F/N]'s own desires.

But now as his frightening form emerged from the dark corners, His sinister prescence nigh-radiating from his figure she could only turn her head over in horror to meet his hellish visage staring right back at her.

This was the man from her dreams. The man in the blizzard, This was him.

The image of his open mouth ready to bite down, Body lunging for her. Teeth digging into the flesh of her arm. All of it flashed in her mind in rapid motion. How could she be so stupid to not figure it out?

This was what Inari was warning her about.

"You're awake.." His voice sent a freezing chill through her system, Her heart feeling like it was restarting inside of her chest as her breathing grew ragged.

Her mask. Where was her mask?

[F/N]'s fight or flight activated. Her fighter instincts finally kicking in as her hand shot out to where her mask usually sat, Hidden within her haori.

But she came up empty, Her hand only touching the side of her jinbei.

Her mask was nowhere in sight.

"I've been waiting so long.. For you to awaken.." Uppermoon one rasped. He took careful calculated steps towards her, A steady pace that moved him closer to [F/N] ever so slowly.

What was he going to do to her? She couldn't fight back, Her mask..

She was completely useless without her mask. It was the source of her body strength, The one she was most used to fighting in. Her body now was too frail, Not to mention the large gash in her abdomen.

She was helpless.

The only thing she could do was back away on the futon, Pushing herself as far into the corner as she could. Get as much distance between him and her as she eyed him up and down, Waiting for his next move.

"W-What do you want.. How am I here..?" Her voice was filled with defensive malice, Yet it shook under the weight of the situation. Her terror seeping through it all.

Kokushibo didn't falter in his stride as he approached her. The room was dark, The only thing illuminated was his eyes as he stopped in front of the futon. Staring down at her shrunken form.

His eyes narrowed as he looked at her, His knee's crouching down so he was as close to her level as possible.

[F/N] felt like a sitting duck under him. His hand reached out, Light from his eyes shining off his claws.

She clenched her eyes shut, Not wanting to know wha-

A cold palm touched the side of her cheek, A chilling sensation that felt like dry ice on her skin, So much so that it almost felt a scorching fire.

"Open your eyes.. I want to see them.." He commanded. Out of fear she did what he said and gazed up at him.

She looked upon his face, Her eyes locked onto his that looked down at her with such an odd emotion, Such a strange way his bloodshot eyes seemed so calm. A way that disturbed her down to her very core.

His palm was cupping her cheek, Claws careful not to graze her as his thumb rubbed gently over her skin. Eyes searching for something before a small uncanny smile appeared on his face looking so unnatural on him, Showing off the row of sharp teeth settled in his maw.

"You're here.. You're really here.. The gods have given you back to me after all these centuries.." He mumbled under his breath as his thumb rubbed the outline of her cheekbones.

[F/N] didn't understand, Mind like tangled threads as she spoke out once again.

"W-Where am I.. Why.. W-Why am I alive?" She cried. Tears brimming on the ledge of her eyes as she shied away from his sickening touch, Not for long however as his hand just gripped the side of her face harder, Keeping her in place.

Kokushibo shook his head lightly.

"You are frightened.. It is understandable.. You have woken up with an injury and most assumedly a headache.. I do sincerely apologise for that.. But I ask you to calm down.. You are safe now.." He spoke, His tone trying its best to mimic a comforting tone while [F/N] didn't believe his words for a single second.

She swallowed down the sheer terror in her throat.

"A-Answer me.. W-Why am I here.. Alive?" [F/N] repeated. Kokushibo only caressed the side of her cheek, His face filled up with thought as he began to speak.

"..It is a rather silly question.. Why you are here should already be obvious to you.. And alive..? You are lucky I was able to provide first aid.. Otherwise.." He trailed off, The last of his words going unspoken as his smile dropped.

[F/N] took the chance to speak, A small slither of vigour still left in her as she did.

"It's not obvious at all.. Explain it to me, I-I should be dead.. I should.. Why am I alive, Where am I.. What do you plan on doing with me?" She looked back up at him with the steadiest expression she could muster, One of which he completely ignored in favour of his stare turning.. Miffed.

"You.. You should be aware of why you are here.. Do you not recognise me, Little one?" Kokushibo asked. His demeanour started to shift to a more recognisable aura, Something serious. More dark in the hum of his voice.

"I-I.." She recognised him alright. His face was burned into her vision every time she blinked. Met his eyes every time she slumbered, But judging by the tone of his voice.. That wasn't the right answer.

"No.." [F/N] said, Shaking her head as she watched his frown contort into a scowl. One which she shrunk back into the corner at as he dropped the hand cupping her cheek, Letting it fall to his side.

"I.. No.. You said my name.. You called me by my nickname, The one you always used.. You remember, Don't you?" Kokushibo's voice, The serious tone was still there, Permeating his voice yet the lilt undertone of a pleading man, Desperate and confused radiated within his voice.

[F/N] sharpened her jaw, She had no idea what he was talking about. He spoke as if he knew her, Like she was an old friend yet she couldn't recall ever knowing him.

"I.. I don't know your name.. I-I.. I don't know who you are.." [F/N] replied.

Her words seemed to trigger something within him, His scowl growing more angry as he backed away from the futon. [F/N] watched on as he turned his back to her, His body going completely still, Almost disturbingly so as he just stood there without making a single move.

[F/N] took a deep breath in, One she didn't know she needed as she tried to steady the beating of her drumming heart. The sweat dripped down her face freely, She needed to make a move.

Quietly swinging her legs over the side of the futon she placed them down onto the wooden floorboards, All while eyeing the demon a few feet away from her like an ticking bomb.

[F/N] softly got up from the futon. The pain in her abdomen diluted down, The shock before had caused it to seem worse than it already was. It was bad, But she could work with it, She always had.

She placed another foot down in front of her, The wooden boards were old, She needed to be careful as she quietly circled around him. Trying her best not to alert him to her movements as she went.

[F/N]'s stretched out hand eventually felt the wood of the shoji door, The one letting bioluminescent light through the single crack it made. Feeling around she caught her fingers on the edge.

She carefully slid it open, Though it didn't matter as the careful light illuminating from the other side flooded into the room like a rising sun over a dead night. Snapping Kokushibo out of whatever trance he had been in and jerk his head over to her position.

"You..!"

[F/N] didn't wait to hear what he had to say, Her feet moved for her as she took off into the hallway at the first alarm raised.

She ran throughout the hall barefoot, The sole of her foot feeling the sharp splinters digging into her like porcupine hide as she went. It didn't matter in the slightest though, Not the pain stabbing into her soles or the warped caricature of her shrine's hallways as she sprinted through past the old tapestries and near-ancient support beams.

Is he following me? Where's the exit? Run now, Think later she chided. [F/N] didn't stop for a second to look around or listen out for the possibility of heavy footsteps following her as she went. Her mind was dead-set on escape.

She sharply turned round corners, Fumbled her way through the winding hallways as she finally reached a set of creaked cedar stairs. [F/N] took no time in descending them, Each step slightly bending under her quick motions as she got to the bottom.

Despite the warped mimicry of her shrine, Walls and hallways worn out and minimized, [F/N] could still navigate it with a finesse that left her fast on her feet.

Her internal GPS carried her feet and guided her along. In front of her was the main shrine doors, Two wide cedarwood doorframes with windows that let in a bluish-green light into the shadow blessed pathway.

This was it. She was going to get out, It was only a few more seconds until she reached her salvation. Her exit from this live-nightmare, Such a thought that made her pace quicken. Heart thudding so hard she felt like it would explode.

[F/N] reached out her steady hands, Reaching the door she slammed her hands down and shoved them wide open to where the courtyard should be.

Rushing out int-

[F/N] stride shuddered in its steps. The once determined sprint fizzled out into a walk, Then she stopped completely in her tracks all together.

Her eyes widened, Irises shaking in their sclera as she felt her knees start to wobble.

W-What.. What does this.. Where..

In front of her wasn't the courtyard. No.. It wasn't the courtyard at all.

Standing before her was an infinite sea, An endless dark plane that seemed to stretch on forever. There was no end. Up, Left, Right.. All of it was an infinite expanse in all directions. A fast breeze blew out from nowhere at all, Hitting her face and snapping her out of the horrified trance she was stuck in.

She snapped her head down to the ground she was standing on. What should of been the smooth dirt of the courtyard was instead a wide rickety dock, One that seemed just as endless as the void, Branches of the dock stretching out like tree roots around the shrine connecting and ending seemingly at random.

This.. This couldn't be real… This must be another dream, It had to be! It appeared like a lovecraftian-esque pocket dimension, Nothing from the real world, Nothing from reality at all.

Her palms were clammy. [F/N] took a few wearied steps, Disbelief shown in her eyes as she felt the heel of her foot land on nothing. She yelped out, Quickly backing up onto the dock as she peered over the edge.

It was an aquamarine sea. The one that the dock's structure ventured deep down into the depths of, Blurring out in the faint turquoise glow rising up from the foaming aqua. Gumussevri, The light it emitted being the only source within the infinity surrounding them.

This didn't make sense.. It couldn't.. How could it? [F/N] felt the glimmer of hope extinguish under the seafoam waves of the water below. How could she ever hope to escape..?

[F/N] felt the slow depression of the dock before she heard the footsteps. Heavy, Slow and stoic as she felt the doors behind her shut gently, That being the thing bringing her attention as she turned around.

Kokushibo was only a couple metres away from her. [F/N] felt her eye twitch, That's why he didn't run after her.. That's why he didn't catch her a soon as she stepped foot out of the room.

He knew she had nowhere else to run.

"[F/N].. I am offended.. Why would you try to get away from me..? You.. You must remember me.. You must. You said my name, It's undeniable proof.." He accused, Standing in a complete stance.

His eyes pierced into her like javelins, Sharp and scrutinizing yet it still held that strange quality of desperation. It made her shiver and that in turn made his frown sharpen. How he knew her first name didn't matter to her in that moment, She only opened her mouth ready for a rebuttal.

[F/N] breathed. She had gotten this far.

"I've told you, I don't know your name nor do I know how you know mine. I don't know who you are and I certainly don't know what you want with me.. Whoever you think I am, I am obviously not." [F/N] argued. She bared her teeth, Trying to steady her jaw.

Kokushibo shook his head. He took a single step towards her and in response she took several more back.

"[F/N].. You have been asleep for a few weeks.. I suppose I should of predicted your confusion but.." He paused

"Maybe it's possible that you don't recall.." He muttered. A few weeks?! She had been asleep for several weeks, Assumedly healing under the care of this cold monster standing in front of her acting friendly as it could.

She'd lament over it later though, What mattered was here and now. And right now he was starting to aggravate her.

[F/N] clenched her fist. How stubborn could he be? She didn't know him, Had only seen him as warnings in dreams yet he acted as if they had known each other for decades. He was completely delusional and to spite all the terror she was feeling in this moment, It pissed [F/N] off.

"Then if you do not remember.. Let me refresh your memory, Little one.." Kokushibo said.

"My name is Kokushibo.. I hold the highest rank within the twelve moons, Sitting at Upperrank one.." He started.

"Though.. You should be recognising me as Michikatsu Tsugikuni.. Your older brother.." Kokushibo announced, His eyes staring down onto her, Closely examining her facial expression. Waiting intently for her reaction.

[F/N] stilled. Her body growing rigid as if she was fixed to the dock by nails.

"..I'm sorry.. What?" She asked. Her eyes blinking rapidly as she looked up at him in disbelief.

"..I am your big brother.. And you are my little sister.." He repeated so clearly yet his voice seemed incoherent to her ears. [F/N] swallowed a lump in her throat, If she thought he was delusional before he now looked completely insane to her now.

He was a demon.. An Uppermoon, He must of been hundreds of years old at the very least yet here he was claiming to be her sibling? It didn't add up, He looked at her like she was meant to understand but she couldn't find a single puzzle piece that fit.

"Impossible.. You're hundreds of years old and I have absolutely no older siblings.."

Kokushibo breathed out, The carbon dioxide showing in the chill-raising air as he took another step forward towards her. This time, [F/N] didn't move back.

"Impossible, Yes.. I thought the same thing once I saw you again.. You died near enough five hundred years ago yet there you were.. Bleeding out within the rubble of your desecrated shrine.. For centuries I grieved for you.." He lamented. A sudden pain crossing him as he seemed to recall something deep within him.

He was spouting sheer madness. He was the one who took her here against her own wishes and nursed her back to physical health, It made her heart writhe around inside her and this time she couldn't bite her tongue.

"I-I am not your sister, We are not related in any way… I don't know how goddamn delusional you need to be to think as such! You are a demon, Not my brother.. I want you to piss off and leave me alone, You fucking monster!" [F/N] cried. The terrified tone only an afterthought suddenly grew back into the forefront of her mind as she watched him close.

As soon as the word monster rolled off her tongue his body stilled, His expression going blank as he stared down at her with an unrecognisable expression. It disturbed her right down to her stomach, Even more so when she felt the heat.

"You.. You will not speak to me like that, Little one.." He said through gritted teeth. [F/N] felt her body raise up into that state of flight or fight once more, His soul radiating such a boiling hot heat that [F/N] could feel it in her bones.

It was obvious he was trying to hold back his anger, Yet it spilled out of the brims of his expression. The twitch of his fingers and the glare he gave her, She could tell and it utterly horrified her.

"As your older brother and the last remaining head of our clan.. You will treat me with respect.. It doesn't matter if you're confused or have.. forgotten entirely.. You address me in proper honorifics like a good younger sister should." Kokushibo hissed. Venom near dripping off every word as he started approaching her trembling form.

His footsteps were slow, Drawing out every step as he finally loomed over her. Shadow cast over him as [F/N] looked up at him, Body aching for her to run.

Whatever façade of cold comfort he put up was completely shattered now, His eyes brimming with malice and his fingers itching the reach for the hilt of his sword. Itching to strike her down.

"I've been praying for this day for centuries.. For the wish that you would come back to me.. You said you would never leave me again, And I fully intend to hold you to your promise.. You cannot run.. So come back here now and I will forget this little mistake.. If you do not, I assure your time here will be much more.. Nightmarish.." He commanded lowly. Slowly moving towards her

"..No matter how far you go I will always be right behind you.. You will not escape me."

But that didn't mean she wasn't willing to try.

Her legs moved before she could comprehend she was. Quickly turning around and sprinting off down the dock in her nightwear and splotched dressing as she cried out in sheer utter helplessness.

Kokushibo paused as he watched her go. He didn't bother run after her, He knew she wouldn't get far.

As [F/N] carefully navigated throughout the labyrinth of docks she could hear his quiet voice call after her, Echoing through the void and seeping through her as she ran.

"Tire yourself out all you want.. Run as long and as far as you like but you will never be able to leave me.. Not again. When you come back.. Do not expect to be treated with such affection that I have offered you thus far.. Not until you stop with this stupid rebellious phase of yours.."

Though [F/N] could barely hear him, As his silhouette shrunk further and further into the vastness of the void.

All until he disappeared completely

☆♡☆

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Three soft and precise knocks hit against the thin cut of the rosewood door.

Sounds of quiet shuffling could be heard from within the house, Settling of cups and screeching of chairs as footsteps started to move their way over to the closed entrance.

The door slid open only a peep, Only enough for the weathered face of a middle-aged man to careen his head over to get a good look out past it.

"Hello..?"

"Hello there!" A polite and cheery voice spoke out to him, One that sounded exaggerated and overly-friendly compared to his quiet yet cordial tone. The girl the voice belonged to smiled lightly and clasped her hands together.

"My name is Shinobu Kocho from the Demon Slayer Corps, If I am not mistaken.. This is the Kanroji household is it not?" Shinobu asked. Glassy orchid eyes staring into the ones of the older mans, His own softened at her introduction as he nodded.

"Ah.. Yes. You two must be my daughter's colleague's." He said. The slightly cracked open door slid ajar, His shoulders softening and a small welcoming smile grew onto his aged face as he looked at the two slayers.

Shinobu, A woman of short stature similar to that of a mantis. She held an eternal far off gaze that seemed clouded with the salesman smile plastered onto her face like concrete. Her butterfly haori and short tied hair danced in the wind as he looked over at the other man behind her.

"Greetings.." Was all the other slayer said as he lightly bowed down to him.

Despite being taller than his colleague, He was still rather short. He had a mop of choppy black hair that looked overgrown as it covered his shadowed his face well, That and along with the bandages he used as a mask made his features nigh hidden. The only thing peeking out from over the mask was mismatched eyes.

"Ah, You must have more manners then that!" Shinobu exclaimed lightly as she giggled it off.

"I apologise for my friend here.. This is my co-worker Iguro Obanai. And yes, We're here to see Mitsuri-chan about recent events I'm sure you've been informed of?" Shinobu inquired, Tilting her head to the side while Obanai muttered something under his breath and swept his head to the side.

Mr. Kanroji nodded, His smile only dropping an inch.

"Yes.. I'm aware. You two better come in then." He nodded as he stepped a side, Raising an arm to welcome them into his abode. Shinobu smiled and thanked him as she made her way inside, Iguro following closely behind her as they entered the livingroom.

It was a cosy little room, It was homely and warm yet had enough room for a large family to move around in comfortably. It was beautifully decorated, Clean-cut furniture and masterfully painted moving doors.

It was a rather large family home, The inner walls of the house being compiled of entirely open shoji-doors revealing the wide open plan of the entire building.

"It's a nice home you have.." Iguro muttered as he made his way to the middle of the room.

"Thank you. Me and my wife are both rather house-proud.." He chuckled lightly "It's been easier to take care of since the little ones have grown bigger and gotten much more responsible. I love them all, But do they make mess I'd tell you.."

Shinobu airily laughed along with him.

"Yes! I have a few little girls who I provide for back home with me, Children are quite troublemakers aren't they?" Shinobu replied as she turned to the man.

"Aha! Isn't that the truth.." He smiled. "Though unfortunately we aren't here to talk about our kids.."

"No, Unfortunately not." Iguro confirmed, Nodding his head lightly as he started talking.

"It's about The Shrine Invasion Incident that occurred a few weeks ago, We're here to talk to Mitsuri-san about what happened when she was there and get her statement. About both the demon that attacked and the.. Casualties" Iguro explained.

Mr. Kanroji sighed.

"Yes. You're referring to [F/N], Right?" He asked.

Shinobu nodded.

"Correct. I understand that [F/N] was very close to Mitsuri-chan.. That and along with Fujimori-san of course." She said. As she did she slid a quick wink over to Mr. Kanroji and subtly signalled towards Iguro, Who didn't notice a thing.

Mr. Kanroji paused before nodding back.

"Right. Come, We can discuss this while we walk" He said. Beckoning them with his hand and turning his back and starting to walk at a leisurely pace out of the livingroom. Both slayers nodded and followed after him.

"So, Can you recall what happened when she came home?" Shinobu asked him as she trailed behind.

"Yes. It was in the early morning.. Both me and my wife were barely awake when we heard the banging on the door. When we opened it she just ran into my arms, She was hysterical and we could barely make a word out of what happened.. It was a painful sight to see.." He explained, Shaking his head.

"Ah.. I see" Shinobu said. "I'm aware that you and your wife were also quite familiar with [F/N]?"

Mr. Kanroji smiled once again yet it held none of that bright attitude he had before, It was instead blocked by a dark cloud hanging over him like a noose.

"Right.. Mitsuri and [F/N] were basically inseparable back when they were young, So much so that she was over at our place most of the time. [F/N] didn't have the best home life you see, Not that she had much of one to begin with but.. She stayed over so often, Helped out with chores and played with the younger kids so much that at points I even considered her my own. And I'm pretty sure my wife did too" Mr. Kanroji tried to play off the sombre undertone in his voice with a light-hearted giggle, Yet it was futile under the heaviness of his bleak voice.

"It was horrible when the news came to light. We both were broken up by her.. Choice of actions. But Mitsuri.. She just.. She just broke down entirely." He said. Shinobu's eyes narrowed in confusion.

Choice of actions, What he meant alluded her.

Before she could question it however he stopped at a closed door, A rarity amongst the open ones spread about the walls of the house. He turned around and looked at them with a serious expression.

"Alright then, This is it." He started as he looked down at the both of them

"Please, When you go in try to be gentle when speaking with her. Don't try to overwhelm her or make any sudden noises.. She's not in the best mental state right now." He said quietly, Nigh-whisper as he waited for their answer.

"Understood." They both said in unison.

Mr. Kanroji nodded before turning back to the door.

Raising a single fist he lightly knocked at the paper shoji door. He smiled a best as he could as he spoke.

"Pumpkin? Are you awake..?" He called out.

…

There was no answer.

Iguro shifted around uncomfortably in his stance. Mitsuri Kanroji, The woman he loved and cared for.. She wasn't anything like this. He knew her well. He knew she loved to eat, He knew the way her lip quirked when she was confused and he certainly knew she was a light sleeper.

Anything could wake her. A sneeze or the drop of a pin, Anything at all. And it was certain that she would definetly wake at the light knock on her door. For her not to answer was concerning at best. Mr. Kanroji tried once more.

"Your friends from work are here to see you.. It's about a few weeks ago.." He called out once more though this time you could hear the audible shake in his speech.

…

"Come in.."

A weak voice called out from behind the door, It was so quiet that you could barely hear it. Both Shinobu and Iguro took a glance at each other before Mr. Kanroji grabbed onto the handle and slowly slid the door open.

It was dark. That was the first thought that entered their heads as they finally saw the inside to the room, Their sole source of vision being the new light from the other side flooding in only a crack to reveal only the bare shapes of furniture inside.

"I'll leave you two to it.." Mr. Kanroji whispered as he stood behind the open door, Nodding towards the room.

"Thank you.." Shinobu replied lowly as she took the first few steps in, Iguro following closely behind as she slowly entered the abyss that was Mitsuri's room.

From what they could make out, It looked more like a guest room than it did an actual room. The source of light was the window which was meant to be open, Instead it was locked and bolted shut tight leaving their environment hard to navigate.

CLANK!

Iguro's foot hit against something on the floor, Looking down he gagged slightly.

It was a small plate of food. It looked to be a normal meal consisting of pork cutlets and a side of omurice. Though on closer inspection Iguro spied the signs of mould starting to gather up on the meat from most likely a day or two, It hadn't been touched at all.

Iguro swallowed down his bubbling concerns and tried to ignore the smell as he stepped around it.

Both Shinobu and Iguro moved towards the centrepiece of the room of which being a large futon. Growing closer they could see the shapes of several duvets and pillows scattered amongst it, Reminiscent of a crows nest from the built up barrier around the lump poking out from under one of the duvets.

Shinobu kept up her smile, Though as she moved it started to look more strained and forced like one you'd see on an advertisement or billboard.

They finally reached the futon. Both Shinobu and Iguro shuffled around the side, Avoiding scattered clothes and stray furniture as they tried to get a better look.

They could barely see anything at all, Both from the lack of light and the duvet covering the girl below it. The only thing they could make out was only the upper half of her face sticking out from under it, Lime irises staring up at both of them.

Iguro bit his tongue. He backed up a bit as his hands reached out for the window-shutters. Eyes not taken off of Mitsuri's as he opened it up, Letting the late-morning light fill the dark void of the room.

Once the sunlight bounced off the walls of the room, Shinobu's smile quickly switched down to a frown while Iguro's shoulders tensed up.

The room was much more of a mess than first thought to be. The odd scattered clothing or two turned out to be more like piles.

Uneaten meals more rotten than before were also placed about, Some on furniture, Some on the floor.

But what really put off the two was the girl they called a friend, Lying curled up in a fetal position within the bedding.

Now that the light hit her face she flinched back from the sudden exposure, Eyes clenching closed to prevent the sudden light hitting her pupils flood in. Both of them noticed the swollen red under her eyes and her stuffy nose, To which she sniffled lightly every so often.

"Mitsuri-chan.." Shinobu mumbled, Her face a practiced sympathy as she took another step forward towards the futon. She stopped however when the sudden movement of Mitsuri cut her off, Mitsuri hauling herself out from under the covers and up into a sitting position

"I.. Sorry about that.. Comfortable position and all.." Mitsuri giggled lightly. Yet the sound never quite reached her bloodshot eyes.

Coupled with the greasy tangle that was her hair and the rather shaky smile she held it was obvious to see her true self in that moment. Iguro took his turn to take a step forward.

"Mitsuri-san.. I.." He felt the words caught on his tongue once he looked down upon the painful expression of the girl in front of him. Despite lying in bed it looked like she hadn't slept for days, Weeks even.

"Y-You're here about a few weeks ago right? Were you able to look at the ruins..? F-Find anything?" Mitsuri's voice shook more than her ear to ear smile, It wasn't liked Shinobu's perfectly perfected one. No, It was instead like an unknowingly widowed wife in the ER room lobby, Waiting in ignorant bliss for what she assumed was just a cut.

Both Iguro and Shinobu shared another glance at one and other. Both having a silent conversation between the two before Shinobu turned her head back around to face Mitsuri.

"Well.. We were able to get a report back from the ruins of the shrine.." Shinobu started. Reaching within her butterfly haori she pulled out a small piece of folded paper.

Starting to unfold it she peered down and started to read.

"Lets see here.. There were more injuries than casualties.. Seventy two severely injured and thirty four deaths. Majority of the casualties being Kakushi and Lower ranked slayers.." Shinobu read out, Eyes scanning down the list.

Mitsuri slowly nodded.

"T-That's unfortunate.. I hope their families are doing okay.." Mitsuri replied softly, The first glint of genuine concern showing from behind her eyes.

"But.. Erm.." She started again.

Shinobu nodded, Sad smile painted. Mitsuri didn't have to finish her words for Shinobu to know what she meant.

"Yes.. About [F/N] and Fujimori.." The mention of the names caught Mitsuri's attention immediately, Her head perking up to give her undying regard as the glint in her eyes burned back up.

Shinobu's nose twitched, Body stiffening ever so slightly.

"..We weren't able to recover any bodies.."

The light in Mitsuri's irises started to grow, Yet it wasn't from the hope or finality of the news. Instead it was the reflection off the water starting to grow at the rims of her eyes.

Shinobu took in a deep breath and continued.

"The only trace was of Fujimori.. Which was a pool of blood located near the back of the shrine." Shinobu shook her head, Trying not to focus on Mitsuri as she continued.

"Our leading theory is that.. Well.. Fujimori was most likely eaten by the demon in question.. There was nothing left of him.." Shinobu whispered, Yet within the confines of the room it sounded like an reverberated scream to Mitsuri's ears.

And that's what broke the dam.

Mitsuri let out a quiet cry, Her shaky smile still spread wide across her face as the tears in her eyes flooded over. Rolling down her cheeks and dripping onto her lap as choked noises escaped her hoarse throat.

"Mitsuri-san-!"

Iguro instantly went into action at the first sound of her cries, He quickly moved over to her side, Sitting down next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder. Which was quickly dismissed by Mitsuri.

"D-Don't touch me.. Just, Please.. N-Not now.." Mitsuri wept. Iguro quickly obliged, Moving away from her on the bed as she planted her face into her palms. Shinobu looked on as she put the paper away, Eyes filled with pity.

"I.. I-I can't believe this.. I.. Why didn't I recognise the signs.. I.. D-Doesn't she remember our promise..?" She whispered. Her nails digging into her skin as she looked through the cracks of her fingers, Eyes staring off into the distance of the floor.

"She..? What do you mean by signs..?" Iguro asked lightly.

Mitsuri withdrew her face from her hands to look up at Obanai. Her eyes meeting the mismatch of his with a disbelieving gaze, Like his tongue spoke of heresy to her very own religion.

Her pained voice spoke out once again.

"F-Fujimori.. [F/N].. They.. They're the same person.. And I.." Mitsuri whispered.

Iguro's eyes widened to that of circles, He shook his head adamantly and responded quick to her.

"No.. That's impossible. Fujimori and [F/N] look completely different, How could they be the same?" Iguro asked. His soft voice was still present yet there was an edge to it, A sharp confusion and bafflement at her words.

Mitsuri didn't listen to him, It was like he wasn't even there.

"I-I knew it was there.. I really did but I just.. I-I just ignored them.. If I had tried just a little harder.. I-If I just.." Mitsuri's voice seemed to break down into children's babble, Ranting off under her breath about this and that Iguro just couldn't understand.

He took a step closer.

"Mitsuri.. Please, Tell me what you mean.." Iguro asked softly. He lowered down onto a single knee to match her eye level, Pleading silently with her to tell him.

Mitsuri mumbled something so quiet, So incomprehensible that neither Iguro nor Shinobu could hear.

"What did you say..?"

Mitsuri's lip quivered. Bloodshot eyes staring back at him with that disfigured smile still on her face. Her voice only turning up a single notch as they were finally able to make out what she said.

"[F/N].. S-She killed herself."

Shinobu's frown sharpened into a tight-lipped grimace. Iguro's brows furrowed, His bandaged mask concealing his parted lips, Information still processing in his mind.

"I-If I just tried a little harder.. If I just made sure she was okay, Said hello or just.. Just ask her what was wrong.. S-She would've still been here with me.. I.. I did this.. I-I shouldn't of let go of her hand, I shouldn't of let go.."

Mitsuri's gaze was Far-off as she stared back into the vivid face of [F/N] appearing in her mind. The blank eyes so dull like she was nothing more than a caricature of her true self, The tried and true smile, The angle of her nose and the dimensions of her face.

All of it she tried so hard to cling onto. Grasping desperately at the memory, Begging with whatever god was up there. Pleading with whatever was listening that she wouldn't forget her face.

Yet as she continued to imagine her face, It faded further and further away from her grasp. Already blurring into a distant memory along with the warmth of her hand drifting away from her palms.

Iguro looked back at her. His heart felt like it was twisting and turning inside him, Hurting at the sight of the woman he held so close to it.

The new information felt so unsolved in his mind, He doubted it. Yet the raw grief that was coming from Mitsuri in front of him made it seem so real. Yet, He needed to question it once more.

Though before he could, He felt a small tap on his shoulder. Looking up only to come face to face with Shinobu.

"Iguro-san.. I think you should go wait outside." Shinobu said. Her voice suddenly serious, A side of which was barely shown through her friendly disguise.

He looked back at her and she stared back down at him with an unwavering gaze.

Iguro nodded slowly before getting up from his kneeling position. As he quietly moved out of the room he took only a single glance back at the two of them, All before opening the door and exiting the room.

As soon as the door slid shut Shinobu made her move, Head turning towards Mitsuri who looked up at her with the gaze of a wounded animal.

"Mitsuri-san.. These are massive claims, I don't mean to be insensitive but could you explain to me what happened? According to reports you were rather hysterical, Both from the handmaiden escorting you out and the various people you asked about [F/N]'s whereabouts." Shinobu asked. Voice levelled and calm, Her friendly self back up with a small smile to contrast her words.

Mitsuri didn't waste anytime for a shaky hand to extend out behind her towards her pillow, Reaching under it she carefully fished out a worn piece of paper. It was folded several times and looked rather worn from first sights.

Shinobu carefully plucked it out of her hands once it was offered. Carefully unfolding the flaps she held it in her hands and started to read.

Mitsuri sat there uncomfortably on the bed despite the mountain of pillows and blankets surrounding her. She had stopped crying at this point but by no means did that make her okay.

Her form was trembling as if she was in the middle of a hailing blizzard. She felt as if she wasn't in her body, Like she was just looking through the vision of someone else entirely while she was just a spectator within her own mind.

Shinobu's glassy eyes scanned over the paper, Carefully reading over every line with upmost delicacy as her gaze descended downwards.

She reached the bottom, The finality of the signature registering in her mind.

Shinobu was quiet.

But after a moment, She let out a single sigh.

"I see.. Well.. That's unfortunate.." Was all she said. She refolded up the paper in her hands and sitting it down on the windowsill.

Suddenly brought back into her own body, Mitsuri's head snapped over to look up at Shinobu. Her mouth going agape along with her eyes as she looked up in disbelief.

"..Is that all you have to say?" Mitsuri asked. [F/N]'s note, Her very last words written down onto a carefully made parchment. The story of her life, The words she could never express to anyone aloud yet scribed down with her entire heart and soul put onto this single letter.

And Shinobu just shook it off, Like it was absolutely nothing.

"Well.. It's an unfortunate turn of events, Taking one's life always is. Though I do have to admit I never saw it coming.." Shinobu said, That same tone of plain apathy dripped off every syllable and hit Mitsuri like acid as she stood up.

"H-How could you?" Mitsuri gawked. Her unstable footsteps numb from hours of not walking as she took a few steps toward Shinobu.

"[F/N] was your friend too.. You're the only other Hashira who ever knew about the truth.. She.. S-She trusted you.." Mitsuri exclaimed, Her previous cries starting to boil and hiss into a rising anger as her face twisted into an ugly expression.

Shinobu's shoulders raised as she looked back at her, The anger on Mitsuri being a completely foreign view. She wasn't even acting like herself anymore, [F/N] really meant that much to her..

"Yes.. She did." Shinobu agreed "I'm not trying to say-"

"You don't need to say anything, Y-You're making it clear enough!" Mitsuri butted in. Her arms raising to hug her self as she feverishly shook her head, Trying to keep herself calm.

"T-This isn't just my fault.. This is yours too. This is everyone's fault.." Mitsuri heaved. Her breathing picked up speed as her overgrown nails dug into her elbows, Backing up a bit as she did.

"Mitsuri-san.. You're not yourself right now, You're still in the grieving process. You don't mean what you're saying.." Shinobu said.

Mitsuri looked back up at her, Sheer rage burning inside her eyes like infernoes

"H-How many of the Hashira actually liked [F/N]..? How many of them insulted her every time she was late to a meeting? How many snide looks.. How many nasty comments, Shinobu? T-Tell me.. How many?" Mitsuri choked out. Shinobu could feel the strain as it did.

"I.. I don't kn-"

"How many?!" Mitsuri yelled, Her voice shaking the very walls of the room she was in. Quickly turning away from Shinobu, Her hands grasped both sides of her head catching strands of messy hair in-between them.

"[F/N] never harboured any true resentment towards anyone! S-She may not of been on time or handled her duties well but she cared for every last one of us, A-And the only thing she got in return was scorn.." Mitsuri at this point broke down into strangled sobs. She hugged herself tighter as Shinobu could only watch her.

"G-Get out.. Y-You did this, We both did.. But.. Y-You don't even care at all…" Mitsuri ordered. Turning her back on Shinobu as she tried to reach out a hand to her.

"Mitsu-"

"GET OUT!" Mitsuri screamed, Turning back to Shinobu with a high-pitched wail as it faded back into soft cries. Mitsuri fell back onto her bed, Pulling her knees up to her chest and pressing her face into them.

Shinobu didn't need to be told twice. She turned her back and walked away towards the door.

However she stopped once her hand gripped onto the handle.

"Mitsuri-san.. Just for the record, I may not show it but I do care for [F/N].. She really was my friend and trusted comrade. I don't mean to be indifferent.. I am not at all.. I.. I really will miss her a lot. Me and the rest of the Hashira may not have favoured her at points, But she was still apart of our ranks and was our comrade.. We.. We all grieve in our own ways.. And I promise you.. One day, We will get vengeance on the demon who did this.. We'll avenge her, I promise you."

That was all Shinobu said. Mitsuri lifted her head from her shins but she couldn't see Shinobu's expression. Her back to hers, Mitsuri could only see her high shoulders shake and the grip on the sliding door tighten.

But it faded almost immediately. Shinobu slid the door open and stepped out.

Closing it over and walking away.

☆♡☆

Heavy yet light footsteps hit the rickety wood in quick succession, Each step taking no time to waste as [F/N] kept running faster and faster along the spiderweb docks.

[F/N] had to plan her movements in advance, The dock was hard to navigate with branches ending at random and others looping straight back around in the opposite direction. If she wasn't careful she could be thrown overboard at any moment, And she didn't want to find out whether the bioluminescent water was safe or not.

It felt like she had been running for hours, The infinite sky showing no sign of an end or exit in sight. But [F/N] knew it had to of only been half an hour or so, Otherwise she would of already collapsed.

Kokushibo was nowhere to be seen. Once [F/N] had taken off running she thought he would be dead on her tail, Chasing her down for even daring to leave whatever he had planned for her.

"My name is Kokushibo.. I hold the highest rank within the twelve moons, Sitting at upperrank one.. Though.. You should be recognising me as Michikatsu Tsugikuni.. Your older brother.."

Was he delusional? Out of his mind? Or could he be manipulating her with some so-crazy-it-works method. Michikatsu Tsugikuni, The name meant absolutely nothing at all. Her older brother he called himself, There was simply no way in hell that could of been true.

He was a centuries old demon, Whatever parents gave birth to him would of died a good long while ago. It was impossible that they could've been related but..

"Impossible, Yes.. I thought the same thing once I saw you again.. You died near enough five hundred years ago yet there you were.. Bleeding out within the rubble of your desecrated shrine.."

Maybe, Just maybe she shared some resemblance to the sister he had as a human. And maybe she shared the same first name as she did. And when he saw said resemblance, Somehow in his mind he had decided that they were the same person and then decided to spare and kidnap her away to this cold hell.

Even then that was baffling on its own.

[F/N] had saw from first hand experience how a demon would rip apart its own siblings, Parents or children just for another meal. Demon's had no sentimental attachment to much of anything, Especially not people.

So why? Why would he do this, Kidnap her away and try to feign an act of familiarity with her? Demons don't do that, They don't think that way. [F/N] swallowed back a lump in her throat.

How much did his sister mean to him? Was she really that important that he would still hold affection towards her?

But either way he wasn't anywhere at all.

No noises, Glimpses or auras. Nothing.

She had no time to dwell on it, She chided herself for getting distracted over a demon. Run now think later. The prospect of escaping whatever pocket dimension she had been siphoned to was vivid in her mind, A yearning feeling brought back to the primal desire for survival as she kept going and going.

Her abdomen hurt too, Every time she moved it felt like a needle jabbing into her side. She tried her best to ignore the pain however, She couldn't let it stop her now, Not since she got this far.

But then it hit her.

Why was she trying so hard to escape?

Her sprint faltered only a little as the thought crossed through her mind. Her lip upturned. Why was she trying so hard?

[F/N] wanted to die. She wanted to find an end for months, To get it over and done with and get out of everyone's way. To stop being such a stain on the Hashira and a burden on the corps. She had no use, No worth or redeemable qualities.

She may of killed a thousand of their kind, She may of been given the title of being the strongest Hashira but that name weighed down on her shoulders like steel blocks.

It wasn't a title, It was an expectation.

And [F/N] couldn't live up to it, She didn't even want to live at all. So why was she running? Why didn't she throw herself into the docks or go back to slaughterhouse behind her? Why was her body so insistent on continuing?

Because.. Because.. She wanted to die, Not be tortured. That's the reason. If she was here then it was obvious she was wanted alive, If she did try to throw herself off then whose to say Kokushibo wouldn't be watching her right now and prevent her from doing so?

If she was here he might be wanting information, The location of the Ubuyashiki estate. This entire 'dead little sister' thing was just a manipulation tactic to get it out of her! And once he realised she wasn't falling for it he'd resort to more violent methods.

Yes, That's the reason.

Turning around another dock and searching for a path she stared out into the open distance of a void. Her heart burned, There had to be an escape. She was so tired, She felt like she was going to collapse any second.

And that's when she saw it.

In the distance, Staring off into the vastness of the void she could make out a vague shape settled amongst the darkness.

Her eyes sparked up, Lit aflame as she spied her saving grace, The light at the end of the tunnel. Something had finally changed after running for so long.

Her pace picked up along with her breathing, Her breaths turning into light wheezes under her normal rhythm as she took far strides.

Sweat beads dripped down from her brow and stained her jinbei, Everything burned. Muscles ached but she kept moving forwards, Kept going faster and faster towards the building in the distance, Getting closer and closer.

Keep going, Almost there.. I can do this- I can escap-!

[F/N] stopped in her tracks.

Her sprint jittered down until she was completely still, Fixed on place to the dock as she stared up towards the building, One now looming over her like a guillotine.

It.. It was her shrine.

Towering over her was the behind of the shrine, The other side from which she came from. The walls, tiles, Wooden frames and the closed shut windows. Her eyes scanned over it in disbelief, The realisation crashing into her.

She had done a full circle, She had just came back from the way she came.

T-This can't be true.. How could this be-!

[F/N] felt her heart fall into her stomach along with her knee's collapsing to the ground, Finally giving out from exhaustion as her eyes were still locked on the shrine.

Her knees hit the wooden docks, Splinters digging into her bare shins as she felt all hope leave her body. She had been running for so long, The docks didn't loop or go in a circle, If it did she would of known. But how was she back here? How?

Heart drumming faster in her chest her head felt light and airy as if she was thousands of feet in the air. Nausea creeping up her throat and unsettling her stomach even more than it already was. As she felt herself fade, She had only one thought.

How.. How is this fair?

☆♡☆

Kokushibo walked slowly down the wooden step-way of the shrine it surrounded.

Taking a few careful steps down the stairway he felt the weight of it depress under him, Reaching the bottom he peered over from the corner he stood next to.

He watched the body of his younger sister collapse onto the dock, Her chest raising and lowering rapidly as if she was starved of air. Her hair was a mess along with her clothing and general appearance.

It was nothing he didn't expect however. He knew she would tire herself out eventually, Run until she couldn't and fall down onto the ground. He knew it would happen, And he couldn't help but feel a sense of catharsis out of it.

He stalked up towards her, All until he was staring down at her defeated form in front of him. Kneeling down with her neck exposed, Easily cut and easy to wring at any given moment.

In any other scenario this would of been a sort of guilty pleasure, The way life was held within his hands felt so electrifying. He never took time on making people grovel before him, He never saw the need to.

He was after strength, To stay eternally strong forever. Not to make insignificant and weak human beings bow down to him.

But he couldn't deny the way he dictated human life with the edge of his blade felt great. And it tasted even better once he bit into their throats, Tearing out their jugular giving them no time to scream as the sweet nectar of their blood hit his tongue.

It was empowering. But, It was different in this scenario.

He didn't feel any sense of power over the girl in front of him, Not the way he usually would anyways. As he looked over her broken form the only thing that he felt was.. Pity.

"Are you done now..? Have you tired yourself out..?" Kokushibo asked in that usual monotone voice. He sounded as if he didn't care, As if his sister lying stray on the dock meant absolutely nothing to him. But he knew that wasn't the case.

[F/N] didn't answer, It seemed as if she had fainted.

Again, It was predictable. She had just woken up after sustaining injury and had used all her energy to try and run away, Only to collapse right back at the place she had tried to escape from.

Kokushibo gritted his teeth slightly. This wasn't how he thought this was going to go.

He assumed that she remembered him. Throughout the time he had taken her, Cared for her wound and nursed her back to health he had heard murmurs from within her sleep. Places, Memories and names only she should of known was what she mumbled in her unconscious state.

He assumed that as soon as she had awoken she would remember him, Feel just as elated as he was at their reunion.

But now he knew that wasn't the case, And if he was being honest? It made him angry.

Kokushibo kneeled down. Reaching his arms out he scooped up her limp body into his arms to settle her within them.

He got up and examined her face, Her eyes and her hair. Every angle and dimension of her face he surveyed left and right. This was her, Everything just lined up too perfectly not to be.

Same name, Same face and Haori. Not to mention that she spoke his name once.

Kokushibo held onto her tighter as he started to walk away with her in his arms. He moved up the stairway careful not to drop her. He moved quickly yet steadily towards the entrance of the shrine.

Entering the building and shutting the door behind him with his foot and made his way up to the second floor where her bedroom was located.

Once he got there he slid open the shoji door, Letting the aquamarine flood the shadows of her room as he walked towards her futon.

Setting her down onto the mattress and tucking her in the duvet with the utmost care, He looked at her once more.

Kokushibo was angry. He truly was livid. The mere fact that she didn't even remember him angered him, Even more so once she called him a monster. He loathed the way he felt his heart wretch in that moment.

Yet he couldn't bring himself to hate her. A part of him wanted to dispose of her, To get rid of her entirely. She was a weakness, Something Kokushibo just could not afford.

But the much larger, Louder part of him detested this with all he had. As the thought of killing her entered his mind he felt disgusted, Horrified at the mere imagining of her being harmed.

She was the only person who ever loved him more than Yorichii. The one person who saw him for himself instead of his brother, She admired him. She loved him. How could he bring himself to hurt her? Kokushibo took in a deep breath, The anger kept at bay as he smiled lightly at her unconscious state.

Even if she didn't remember him, That doesn't mean she won't in due time. The pieces of the puzzle were already there, They were just waiting to be solved is all. Even if she had some 'new life' or whatever may have happened to her. Maybe.. No.. It didn't matter, She was here. That's what mattered.

He breathed out once more. 'Her new life', It felt so wrong as he thought about it. Kokushibo found her as a Hashira of all things, One he had struck down as a man like a god to a heretic.

Gods, He had questions. He had so many questions.

How was she here back with him? How did she become an entirely different person while fighting him? Where did she learn or how would he get her to remember him? Hundreds of questions rushed through his head. Possibilities and chances.

He tucked a small strand of hair behind her ear. He had many questions, And he'll get answers eventually when she was awake.

His little sister was finally brought back to him. The one who died in his arms and the one he would never let go of again. She'll learn to accept her fate here, Understand she has nowhere to run. She'll understand her place was here with him, Her big brother.

He'd crush whatever rebellious phase she was going through, Whatever disobedient little chapter of life she was going through right now. Insulting him, Running away..

He breathed out, Trying to keep away the bloodlust at the thought of her escaping.

She was safe now, And that's all that matters.

Next Chapter

[areebianights]

The air around me feels too thick and too thin at the same time.

Thick because the air enters my body with a strange reluctance, as if it is weary of providing life to a weary soul like me. As if something around me, or perhaps inside me, is smothering me to death.

The air feels too thin because when I exhale, it comes out readily with an eerie smoothness and blends away into thin air, as do the tears. It's as if they are as much in desperation to get out of myself as I am.

I wonder why they started romanticising tears and laughter. When tears are so hopeless. When laughter is so deceptive.

I'm beginning to think that I am a ticking time bomb. I can feel strength passing like sand out of my fingers, which are holding onto it too tightly. I can feel my tolerance begin to push at the walls of my body from inside.

God, how I'd have easily accepted it all if I had no hope of surviving it.

I am hopeful, and this hope is killing me. This hope is making me put up with things that are slowly sucking the soul out of my body. It's like I'm biting a poisonous fruit everyday and I know that it'll slowly perish me. I also know that if I don't eat it I'll starve to death. It's my only option.

I want to stay alive, with an unreasonable hope that I'll somehow live to see the day when the fruits I get to eat won't be brimming with poison.

If I'm not dying of poison, I'm dying of hunger. What am I supposed to do?

Somewhere among these uncertainties, I'm searching for peace. But everything is far from it. Sometimes I feel like I've stepped into a dystopian novel. Where nothing makes sense, but you try to make it make sense because it's a bloody novel and you are the damned main character and the plot must reach somewhere. Even if to utter destruction.

Even dystopian novels have an ending. Where is mine?

-Areeba

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Our Love Will Remain the Same, Even as the World Changes

These translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Please support Cybird by buying their stories. Expect grammatical errors.

One night sometime after I came to live at the Obsidian Castle一

Lying side by side on the bed and talking had become our recent routine. Gilbert, who was gently playing with my hair with his fingertips, suddenly looked up.

Gilbert: "You being in this room has become completely normal, hasn't it?"

Gilbert: "How about you? Have you gotten used to living here?"

Emma: "Yup. I think I'm getting used to it."

Gilbert: "Yeah? Are there any problems or things you feel are lacking?"

Emma: "No problems in particular. As for things that are lacking..."

(I wonder if something happened.)

I glanced around the room and thought about our everyday life.

Gilbert: "If there's anything you want, just let me know."

Gilbert: "Whether it's jewelry, a mansion, a city, or even a country, I'll give you anything you want.

(City and country!?)

I couldn’t help but widen my eyes at the sheer scale of what he just said. However, if he really wanted to, he could easily do any of these things.

Emma: "No, it’s okay. I don’t need anything more. It’s more than enough!"

(If by some mistake he actually gives me a city or a country, I wouldn't know what to do!)

With that thought in mind, I vigorously declined his offer.

Gilbert: "Really?"

Yet he still seemed somewhat dissatisfied.

(Maybe I need to give him a convincing reason.)

With that thought, I nodded in agreement.

Emma: "It's true. Just being by your side is enough for me."

Gilbert: "Really?"

Emma: "Yes."

Gilbert: "You're so selfless."

He happily narrowed his eyes as he twirled my hair around his fingers.

Emma: "I'm just being honest."

Gilbert: "I know. I just wanted to hear those words from you."

He smiled wickedly.

Emma: "That's just like you."

Gilbert: "Ahaha! Don't sulk."

Gilbert: "I just wanted to feel that you want me more than anything else."

(This guy is really hopeless. But...)

I couldn't bring myself to dislike him for that. Eventually, my expression naturally softened.

Emma: "Did it go according to your plan?"

Gilbert: "Yes, very much."

With a satisfied smile, he pulled me closer.

Gilbert: "You fell for a troublesome man, huh?"

Emma: "Yeah, yet I'm still here."

Gilbert: "Ahaha! Is that so? You really like troublesome men."

Emma: "Maybe I do. I never knew that until I fell in love with you."

Gilbert: "Hmm, I see. Then, from now on, I'll become even more troublesome."

Emma: "What?"

He lifted my arms together and pressed his lips against the nape of my neck.

Emma: "............"

His teeth scraped against my skin, causing a slight stinging sensation.

I couldn't see it, but it must have left a mark.

Gilbert: "You ended up being loved by a villain, so don't expect a peaceful life."

Gilbert: "But I'll do my best to make you think that even this kind of daily life isn't so bad. Fufu."

Looking down at me with a playful smile, he slowly undressed my nightgown and teasingly licked my exposed breast with his tongue, causing my body to shiver.

Gilbert: "Nice view."

Emma: "Prince Gilbert, please let me go."

Gilbert: "Do I look like the kind of man who would let go when told to?"

Emma: "That's..."

(I can't tell. I guess not...?)

Finding my hesitation amusing, he burst out laughing and released the hands he had been holding down.

Gilbert: "Here, I let you go since you're special."

Emma: "Thanks."

Gilbert: "You're welcome. Since I listened to your request, what will you do for me in return?"

(I knew it would come to this.)

I wasn't by this troublesome man's side for nothing.

I wrapped my newly freed arms around his back and hugged him.

Emma: "I'll do this."

Gilbert: "Heh?"

Emma: "Instead of being forced, I will express my love to you willingly."

Gilbert: "That makes me happy. It was worth setting you free."

I kissed him on the lips, and he reciprocated.

Gilbert: "Fufu. It’s nice to feel that you truly love me."

Gilbert: "From now on, I want you to continue wanting me like this. Otherwise..."

Emma: "Otherwise?"

Gilbert: "I might take away your freedom and make it physically impossible for you to leave me."

I couldn't decide if he was joking, but he was smiling cheerfully.

(This guy is really a pain in the ass.)

As Gilbert said, I couldn't hope for a warm and peaceful life here.

(And yet, even at this moment, he looks at me earnestly as if he yearns for me.)

(That's why I still want to be by his side.)

The more I stayed close to him, the more his charm captivated me.

Despite him being troublesome and difficult to deal with, I couldn't seem to stay away.

With that thought in mind, we shared another kiss.

⊳ Ikepri Masterlist

[its-not-that-weird-blog]

Why don’t you tell me

Mick Schumacher x Best Friend!Reader

Summary: Mick and Y/N have been best friends since Mick started racing with Prema, they tell each other everything...but Y/N knows Mick is hiding something.

Warning: Just pure fluff

Disclaimer:  Hello! This is my first one shot ever so...sorry if it's not good and well, English is not my first language so excuse any grammar mistakes :)

Y/N has known Mick since he started racing with Prema.

She has been with him for everything, from his Formula 3 championship win to him losing his seat at Haas, Y/N has never left him or even been embarrassed of Mick.

People grew to love the pair, even started rumors about them dating each other, but all those rumors got shut down almost immediately by both of them.

Mick, like the hopeless romantic he is, fell in love with Y/N. He doesn’t know when he did exactly, but he fell...and he fell hard.

He admired the way that Y/N would go, whenever she could, to the races, to support him during everything. How she didn’t use him for the fame that his last name brings, how genuine she is. Mick likes everything about her, and because he didn’t want to ruin anything with Y/N, he decided to hide those feelings.

On the other hand, Y/N has been head over heels for Mick since they met. She liked how focused he was whenever he would race, it didn’t matter where he would finish in a race, he poured his heart and soul into it, and that made Y/N love him even more. 

Even more, she loved how much Mick cares about his family, he literally would move mountains for them if it were necessary. Y/N decided to do the same as Mick, and hide those unsaid feelings she has, because she cherishes their friendship so much that it would hurt if something bad happened between them.

••••••••••••••• ••••••••••••••• 

During the winter break Y/N has been nothing but supportive of Mick. With him losing his seat at Haas, and ending his formula 1 career for now, it really took a toll on him.

When Mick started thinking about what he was going to do regarding his F1 career, he went into a spiral of his own thoughts, some of which were negative. He thought that he could never live up to the expectations of others, or even live up to his last name.

“Hey! Mick? Are you listening?” Y/N said with a very soft voice, to try to get Mick out of that twist of thoughts in his mind, while both of them were peacefully laying on Y/N’s bed.

“Yeah, um...what were you saying?” He answered looking at her eyes, those beautiful eyes he fell in love with during all these years.

“Why don’t you tell what is going on inside that pretty little head of yours?” She observed while brushing her hand through his delicate blond hair.

“Nothing...nothing, just thinking about everything that happened in Abu Dhabi” He sighed and curled up to Y/N’s touch. “What if I can’t be like my dad? Haas wasn’t the only one that dropped me, so did Ferrari” Mick finished with a clear frustration and quiver to his voice.

“Mick, you are nothing but an amazing boy, the way haas handled things wasn’t your fault” Y/N hugged Mick and kissed his forehead, “I promise that you will sort things out, everything happens for a reason Mickey” She softly said.

And when Mick thought that he couldn’t fall more for Y/N, she proved him wrong, he was more than positive that his feelings will never go away, he just has to man up and confess to her.

Y/N felt Mick hug back and they just stayed that way for the rest of the morning.

Y/N wanted to tell Mick about her own feelings, but she just couldn’t do it, not after 5 years of friendship, ‘What if I ruin everything between us?’ she asked herself that everyday.

••••••••••••••• •••••••••••••••

“Y/N!!” Mick entered the apartment he knew as if it was his own.

“In the kitchen” Y/N called out.

Mick went running to the kitchen, he had the best news ever to tell his best friend, “Hey” he went to hug Y/N, “Guess what” Mick said with excitement.

“Hhmm...I don’t know, tell me why are you acting like a kid in disney” Y/N answered giggling

“Well, you are talking with the new Mercedes AMG Petronas F1 team reserve driver” He finishes with a content and proud smile.

“Oh my god!” Y/N threw herself at Mick, catching him in a tight hug, “Mickey, I am so proud of you! I told you, this is a great opportunity for you” She whispered in his ear, more than proud of her best friend.

They stood there, just enjoying each other’s warm embrace. Mick took a deep breath and pushed Y/N a little to see her face.

He admired her for a little, just like Y/N was admiring Mick and those ocean blue eyes. Mick started to lean in and caught Y/N’s lips in a short kiss to make sure he wasn’t over stepping anything. Once he saw Y/N chasing for his lips, he knew it was okay.

They crashed their lips together in a sweet and passionate kiss. Y/N had one of her hands running through Mick’s hair and the other in the back of his neck. Mick had one of his hands delicately holding Y/N’s face and the other in her waist, pulling her as close as he could.

Once they started running out of air, both started to pull away, just enough to disconnect their lips but to remain as close as possible. 

Mick kissed Y/N’s temples and hugged her, leaning his forehead against hers.

“I am in love with you, Y/N” Mick whispered as if he was telling Y/N the most sacred secret on earth.

“I am in love with you too, Mick” She looked into his eyes and fell in love with him all over again.

••••••••••••••• •••••••••••••••

Hope you enjoyed it!!

[fiction-boys-rule]

To Just Be

Pairing: Eliot Spencer/Reader (non gender specified)

Warnings: slight swearing, mental health topics, fluff

Summary: Your mental state takes a turn and you find yourself slipping back into bad habits. Eliot helps to comfort you and the both of you spend a cozy night together.

The music seems too loud in the small space of your bedroom but the thought of silence perturbes you more. The mattress is too soft but not hard enough at the same time. The feeling of your clothes on your skin is driving you insane. You are too cold and too hot at the same time, the only movement in the room being your fan and your feet adjusting the sheets every few minutes. 

You’re overstimulated, to say the least.

The phone in your hands is warm from using it for the past few hours. You can’t seem to stop your hands from doom scrolling. 

Down, down, down. 

What was the trick that the podcaster said? Ask yourself what the last three videos were about to see if you are doom scrolling? 

Shit.

Different ideas pass through your mind, in a blur. Ideas about better things you could be doing to comfort yourself in this state instead of worsening it. There’s that new book you’ve been meaning to read, your favorite childhood movie, the stack of coloring books you bought a few months ago…

That’s all they are, fleeting thoughts and ideas. Pulling yourself away from the phone screen and leaving your bedroom is a daunting task. You want to sleep and be transported into a mental state of nothing, but you aren’t physically tired enough yet.

A soft knock on your bedroom door makes you jump. It cracks open, revealing a curious Eliot.

“Hey, sweetheart. I thought you weren’t home yet.”

“Oh, hi.”

“Were you asleep?”

You glance guiltily at your phone, “No,” you answer meekly.

“You didn’t hear me calling you?” “I guess not.”

He holds his stare for a bit longer than you are comfortable with.

“Bad day today?”

“I’m just tired.” you lie.

Eliot’s feet hesitate in the doorway and you know he doesn’t believe you. He knows you probably just don’t want to talk about it right now.

“I’m going to get started on dinner, okay?”

“I’m not hungry.”

Your response comes out quicker than you intended.

Eliot frowns and eventually asks, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

You feel your stomach clench in protest at your response. You just don’t have the energy to deal with eating. 

“Okay, alright. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

He slowly closes the door and you sigh.

Part of you feels bad for lying to him, but you’re so drained from the week it intimidates you thinking about having to explain yourself when you don’t even know what’s going on in your own mind. You want to comfort yourself in some way and have some sort of routine but you can’t decide what to do and it’s driving you crazy. You feel lost, both in the short and long term. 

You have been thinking of where your professional life is going, the endless chores and errands, and the state of the world that you’re constantly being bombarded with on social media. You feel hopeless and nothing in your everyday life is helping you get out of it. 

There’s been no specific trigger to your emotions, and you suspect that is the biggest stressor for you. It all started during your commute to work in the morning. You couldn’t choose music to play for the life of you and ended up resigning yourself to a quiet drive in order to not be running late.

During your lunch break you decided to visit one of your favorite cafes nearby. When you walked in and started to run through the different options on the menu, your mind went blank. Nothing seemed remotely appetizing, not even your usual favorite. When the barista called you over to order next, you panicked and ended up choosing the first option you saw. It was only afterwards that you realized what you had ordered and ended up doing a walk of shame back to your workplace. You drank the drink hastily to not have it go to waste, but it was a chore nevertheless.

During your commute back home, in silence once again, you encountered many terrible drivers and the closer you got to home, the more your mood soured. 

Upon entering your living space, the reminders of future chores and errands that needed to be done were enough of a nuisance to send you surrendering into your bedroom. 

Now a few hours later, here you still are. Your mind barely registers the now dark room and now you understand why Eliot seemed so concerned.

You distinctly register the sound of pots and pans and remember Eliot’s cooking. Almost on cue, your phone appears with a video of a delicious looking recipe and your stomach grumbles.

Using every ounce of energy you have left, you put your phone down. Your eyes stare up at the ceiling. Your mind is racing but hardly any of the thoughts are concrete or discernable. You just want a distraction, some way to lose control.

You sigh and sit up in your bed. Your back and neck protest from your previous position and you groan slightly. You don’t want to talk much tonight, but you figure you can try your best.

You make a quick trip to the bathroom before slowly continuing to the kitchen. Eliot is playing some old country music softly, the soft ambience and cooking sounds soothing you almost instantly. The overhead light isn’t on, just the stovetop, and you are extremely grateful. The smells pull you in further and your feet are moving before you can stop them.

Eliot turns at the sound of your approach.

“Hey, darlin’.” he greets softly.

“Hi.”

“I know you said you weren’t hungry, but I’m making your favorite. Didn’t want the food to go bad.”

Eliot sounds very unsure of himself at the moment, and it throws you off a bit.

“Thank you.”

He follows your lead of the conversation and doesn’t push you further. His attention returns to the pan and you watch attently as his hands add more ingredients.

“Go on and have a seat. It’s almost ready.”

You wish you could thank him more verbally, but you hope he knows your appreciation runs deep.

You stroll over and sit at the dining table, watching his back and the way he moves in the space. After a while, he plates and strolls over to you. 

“Here you go, baby. I hope you like it.”

You nod and gingerly start to handle your utensils. He eventually sits and you both enjoy the peaceful environment. Once you’ve both finished, he picks up your plates and cleans off the dining table. He surprises you by turning the stovetop light off and heading to the living space. At your confusion, he holds both of your coats up.

“I think we should go get dessert.”

You smile and nod. You stand from your chair and meet him in the space. He gently turns your body and clothes your body with the coat. You can tell by his body language he wants to touch you, but is unsure. Your hands reach out and wrap around his middle, making him reciprocate. His chin settles on the top of your head and he sighs heavily in contentment.

You both pull away after a few moments and head out the door shortly thereafter. You find yourselves sitting on a park bench enjoying your favorite desserts. The park is calm, and the surrounding area holds little to no people. The fresh nighttime air has allowed your mind to come back to the present and you feel refreshed, even if it is just a little bit. 

You return to your home afterwards and now you are able to look at your space in a different perspective. Eliot takes both of your coats off and hangs them up. He leads you to the couch and has you settle yourself before retreating into the hall. You are confused until you see him return with a basket of your self care items that you keep organized. 

He sits next to you and hands you your favorite face mask and headband. You put your headband on and are about to stand when Eliot takes the mask from you.

“Here, turn around.”

You do, and your heart flutters as he places the face mask on you. He adjusts it a few times before leaning away and nodding. To your surprise, he moves in closer and hands another one to you with another headband. It takes you a few seconds to realize he’s asking you to do the same. Your chest warms, and you will your hands to move. You take your time, relishing in touching his face and gazing softly into his eyes. Once you finish, you lean back and giggle softly. He smiles, holding your hands. 

“Now we match,” he says.

“Yes we do.” you whisper.

Eliot isn’t the biggest fan of watching tv, but he scrolls through different options until settling on an old animated children’s movie. You both move into each other’s spaces and find comfortable positions. Slowly, you feel yourself drifting into a peaceful state. His hands on your body and his warmth are steadily inducing you into a sleepy mood.

He catches your body’s signals and pats your side softly.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” he whispers.

You wish to prolong your night, but you find yourself agreeing nonetheless.

He stands and accompanies you to the bathroom. Together, you prepare for bed and fall into your usual separate  routines. You are in bed first, too tired to follow your more thorough nighttime routine. Eliot joins you soon after, his arms caressing you. 

You decide to speak your thoughts before falling asleep. You hope your true feelings and emotions shine through your exhaustion.

“Thank you for everything. Thank you for taking the decisions away and just letting me…I don’t know, just be. I don’t know what’s wrong, but this helped. To just be.”

You stay in silence for a few beats, not expecting a response. You are glad you were able to express your thoughts, even if you don’t exactly know how to explain them.

“I’ll always be here for you. Just tell me, I’m always happy to just be with you. You don’t need to think or talk, you can just be with me. That’s all I need, just you. Nothing else.”

You squeeze him a little tighter at his words, and they allow for your body to finally slip into sleep fully, able to just be.

[cassiaslair]

from i prevail's album, trauma ( 2019 ). slightly modified to fit dialogue prompts. if it's in parentheses, feel free to omit it.

bow down.

get on your knees & bow down.

i come alive, i'll survive, take on anything.

so paint a target on my back, let 'em come to me.

i'm on another level that you'll never reach.

if you seek forgiveness, you'll get nothing from me.

you will never know, it's the price i pay.

look into my eyes, we are not the same.

i'm in control, & you'll know my name.

i gave my life, gave it everything.

the best of your best ain't good enough.

keep running your mouth, & i'ma call your bluff.

so... i had this dream, it meant everything, & i watched it come alive.

i let you in, underneath my skin, & i learned to love the lies.

now i lay awake & i contemplate... have i become what i hate?

would you go to war? would you die for it?

paranoid.

something isn't right, i feel it in my bones.

every time i look around, it follows me home.

i get so stressed out when my head gets loud.

all this emptiness inside, i can't fill the void in my mind.

sometimes i just wanna die (wish that i could tell you why).

is it all inside my head?

i just can't escape the noise.

i think i'm paranoid.

every time you leave.

all i ever wanted was to find someone.

holding it together is the hardest part.

every time you leave, i lose a little piece of me.

every time we speak, words don't do it justice.

it's just us from here.

finishing the puzzle is the hardest part.

everyday wishin' you could stay, 'cause our minds may change, but our hearts remain.

i can't believe you gotta go away again.

if you ever start to hesitate & you feel the weight, it starts to break.

we're not the same; know that this means everything to me.

no one said life gets in the way.

rise above it.

i've been patiently waiting, tying my stomach in knots.

i've been lost in the moment, going to war with my thoughts.

if you're feeling the pressure, the pressure's all that i got.

so if you think you're ready, i'm here to tell you you're not.

you're in over your head.

i'll be damned if i ever let you get me again.

i will stop at nothing 'cause i was made to rise above it.

one of these days, everyone will know (but for now i stand alone).

i count my enemies like trophies.

i've got nothing left to prove.

when i look at you, all i see are trophies.

i'm not afraid to put it all on the line (like it runs in my veins).

you cannot stop me, so don't even try.

breaking down.

i think... i think too much.

i'm a little bit paranoid.

i think i'm breaking (down).

maybe it's in my blood.

hate every single second, minute, hour, every day.

everybody's out to get you.

every time they ask me, i just tell 'em that i'm fine.

i try to hide my demons, but they only multiply.

everybody fucking hates you.

i say i'm feeling hopeless, but no one's listening.

i don't really like myself.

DOA.

on our knees, we pray as we waste away.

we dig our grave, dead on arrival.

i close my eyes & contemplate on why i chose to be great.

i find myself trying to escape from where i'm supposed to be safe.

maybe i should pray like i'm supposed to be saved.

sometimes i feel like getting even, but i choose to behave.

i'm mentally locked in a prison (& i need bail).

i wish i was more flourished. i wish i had more courage.

i wonder if it's all worth it (i wonder...).

dead is the land of the free.

am i not worth saving?

gasoline.

let's burn it fucking down.

back from the dead to tell you that i'm alive.

killed the old way (but i survived).

fuck the blueprint.

death or exile, you decide.

tell 'em all that i made my name.

now it's mine to send up in flames.

this right here is as far as you go.

this right here is where i lose control.

burn it all down, i don't give a fuck.

fuck what they say, fuck everything.

kill it all (kill everything).

nothing but red inside when i close my eyes.

break or bow down, you decide.

tell 'em all that you can't be saved.

tell 'em all that you dug this grave.

learn to live in this mess you made.

hurricane.

tell me i was never good enough.

remind me of the demons that i've been running from.

tell me who the hell you thought i was.

just blame it on the person, the person i've become.

lately, i don't give a fuck.

i can't be myself when i'm with anyone.

(&) maybe, i'm already gone.

i'll never be the same.

it hit me like a hurricane.

i don't know why i drown my mind (in everything they say).

it got the best of me.

tell me that i'm lost inside my mind.

i reach out, but it's pulling me under.

remind me i've been searching for something i won't find.

tell me i was never worth the time.

just blame it on the person you think i left behind.

look into my eyes.

believe me that the storm is coming.

let me be sad.

i'm holding back right now.

('cause) i'm numb to what's around.

i miss the life i used to have (with you right here).

now everything is turning grey.

i'm blacking out the shades for now.

let me be sad.

let me be sad, even for a little while. just a chance to catch my breath.

let me be sad, even for a little while, 'cause it's all that i have left.

can you see it in my eyes, i've been distant?

i can't tell if it's the end or the beginning.

i know i haven't been myself, i'll admit it.

i put up walls so if i burned any bridges, just know i'm doing everything i can to try & fix it (but knowing me i'll probably miss it).

these voices get so vicious.

feels like i'm ripping stitches.

i wish some days i could go back (before life changed, it was so fast).

that time is gone, & i know that (so please, let me be sad).

when all i see are memories, i don't wanna lose a thing.

low.

i'm so damn low.

i can't lie, i'm falling (the floor gave out again).

the walls are caving in.

i've got these voices in my head.

i don't know why i'm broken.

my world is sinking in.

they tell me that i'm not enough.

is it my time?

even when i'm high, i still feel low.

voices in my head won't leave me alone.

i keep falling.

i'm in over my head again.

i'm on my own, i know it.

i think i'm too far gone to save.

i can't let go. i'm holding, i feel it slip away.

the more they say, the more they cut.

i'm hanging by a thread (don't know if i let go).

i'm doing everything i can to fix the problem.

this is how it feels when you hit rock bottom.

deadweight.

i'm cutting out the deadweight.

let me take a second to get this through to you.

it's time you get put in the rearview.

cut ties, there's nothing left to your lies, i'm seeing right through.

let me lay it out so it's clear for you to see.

i'm done with the ones that don't believe.

i'm cutting out the ones who drag me down.

all this negativity weighing down on me.

admit it's so pathetic to think i'd carry you.

i'd rather watch all the lows you sink to.

now i can see what you're really all about.

turn your back & run your mouth.

i laugh at all the time you wasted.

you're bitter, i can fucking taste it.

so if you think that you can drag me down, it's gonna come back around.

keep it up, motherfucker (i'll cut you out).

i don't belong here.

'cause i don't belong here.

those days, it was all i wanted.

nowadays, it feels all the same.

used to stare at my bedroom ceiling wishing everything would change.

now it's hard when you're always searching for the life that you left behind.

time disappears, year after year.

how the hell did i get here?

i feel so far away.

minutes turn to hours & the hours into days.

i gave up everything.

you don't know what you got until you throw it all away.

looking back on the past, all the time i wasted...

i'm running from everyone that tells me that i'm fading out.

must be mistaken 'cause i don't feel anything.

you know i got this brain, it drives me insane.

some days i feel i can't take the pain.

i can't explain it 'cause i don't need anything.

[sansxfuckyou]

all of a sudden

Summary: Casey Jones is good at adapting, but he didn't expect to be adapting to mutating

Warnings: body modification, small panic attack, angst in general, check Ao3 port for full tags

Authors Note: inspired by the possum Casey Jones AU made by @probably-not-a-rutabaga except with some rasey vibes that can be ignored if thats not your style. anyways, hope ya'll enjoy and if you do consider dropping a reblog or checking the ao3 port

It's covered in fur and has claws instead of nails, it's hissing as the mutagen worms through it's body and then it's dropping.

It isn't Casey Jones anymore, something much more creature. Chest heaving up and down and furred body immobile, hockey gear still strapped to it's form. Raphael just stares, in shock, in awe, partially paralyzed by the fear and the worry.

His partner in everything just mutated, into a rat, or something very rat like. And Raphael didn't take the hit, he should've, he probably would've went mad or turned to a primordial ooze of some sort if he did but it would be better than Casey having this fate. He slams the final Kraang against a wall before hoisting up Casey's body, it's light, lanky, mammalian.

Donnie can fix him.

-/-/-/-

"What happened?!" Was Donatello's first response to seeing Casey, "Who the fuck is this and where's Casey?"

"That is Casey," Raphael supplied.

Donatello nearly faints.

"Fix him," Fingers trace over the expanse of almost matted fur where the jacket does't cover anymore. He feels this deepseated guilt as he looks at Casey, he could've stopped this, he could've taken the hit. He should've been the one to get hit with that mutagen blast, not Casey.

"I don't think I can, I'll try but I think it's hopeless," Donatello claimed rather boldly, "I can probably stabilize him enough to keep his humanity-"

"Then do that, just don't lose him," Raphael practically begged, "Please."

-/-/-/-

There's the sound of someone shrieking followed by a shatter that draws Raphael from his state of almost there but not quite. He's quick to glance over to Donatello's lab to find a rat rushing out and freaking out. Terror is apparent on it's face as it glances around frantically in search of something to look at it's reflection.

"Casey,"

It whips it's head around to look at Raphael and it's absolutely Casey Jones, just in a different body. Taller, thinner, furrier, but it's still Casey, panic and fear, but all Casey. The turtle slowly walks over, as if he'll spook the possum if he goes too fast and he probably will.

"Raph," It speaks softly, quietly, voice cracking. Then it's leaned against it's partners plastron, holding on tight and crying. It's so confused, so lost, so wrong, "What happened to me?"

Raphael doesn't answer right away, just holds onto Casey and doesn't let go. A snout is nuzzled against his neck and they were the same height once, not anymore. He rubs circles onto the possums back, "Mutagen."

"Oh god," is all Casey can supply in response to the new knowledge, body shaking even more, "I'm not human, I'm not-"

"Yes, you are. You're Casey Jones, I promise," Raphael answered with before Casey could spiral, "You're still my partner, still our best friend, still Casey Jones."

There's a weak nod even though Casey doesn't believe a word coming out of Raphael's mouth, "Okay."

-/-/-/-

Casey Jones is an opossum, almost a rat but not quite, and he has an eternal vendetta against the Kraang. He lives in a sewer because of them, he's an animal because of them, he lost his sister because of them. Everything out there is gone because of them and he could do nothing but sulk in the sewers over his new body.

And now he's out in a farmhouse, naught but an animal and he swears he's losing his grasp on humanity a little bit more everyday. But he digs his claws in and tries not to let go because he's got the turtles, a group of four that were never human in the first place but have treated him so much better than any human ever has. If they learned humanity from a rat then he can hold onto what he already knows for his sake and their sake alike.

Hockey stick against sai every single day. Baseball bat against bo staff every single day. Fists against nunchaku every single day. He holds onto that humanity by working out the animal in violence whenever he can. He burned the scare crow mutant to a crisp when no one was looking, he grabbed his lighter and lit it up before anyone could say a thing. Before it could hurt anyone else.

He eats meat and steals scraps off of every one's plate because he's still getting used to the needing to eat every couple hours thing in smaller portions. He sleeps in the morning and wakes at noon, training every hour he's active because what else is there to do aside from chat and play shitty board games.

"Hey, Case," Raphael begins as he watches his partner eviscerate a raw slab of meat on a once white porcelain plate.

The possum snaps up and his pupils are slit, he has blood smattered on his snout and stuck in his fur, dripping from his whiskers. He just stares and chews before swallowing, "Yeah?"

"Do you want some water?" Raphael gently nudges over a glass and Casey is quick to grab it with bloodied paws, he drinks it eagerly.

"Thanks, still getting used to this," He gestures vaguely to himself, "And the meat cravings, and the sleep schedule."

"I know, just try to ease up on the craze, I think you scare Mikey sometimes," Raphael said.

Casey shrugged, "Oops, that's why we eat in the kitchen instead of out there with everyone else."

Raphael just rolled his eyes and took another bite of his pizza, "We'll go out and train after this, work out some of your energy."

"Fucking wicked," Casey answered with.

-/-/-/-

This is the closest Casey Jones will ever get to feeling like himself ever again.

Tip of the sai to his throat and all he does is smile because this is home.

Hockey stick to the back of his partners knees and all he does is smile because this is home.

Cruel words spat and all he does is smile because this is home.

Raphael pierces the tip of his sai into Casey's arm just to draw blood, just to feel pain, to understand what keeps him human.

And Casey Jones has one thing to say in response to the violence.

"Thank you,"