#i have no energy to talk or do much. and not being able to make myself look hapoy enough makes me mad

[pastadoughie]

i dont know how to say it or what to even do at this point

i am in an abusive housing situation. witch isnt really new info nor something i talk about often. i have learned to deal w/ shit on my own overtime, aswell as my situation getting slightly better with my distancing from certain family members. but its still bad.

my mother & my brother are both extremely abusive, my brother is phisically abusive, and my mother is a pedophile. they are the only other familial ties i have aside from my dad, and they obviously arent viable and would be worse for me.

my dad is my best option in terms of family and the only person i live with currently. when hes drunk he can be actively cruel & abusive, regularly threatening sexual abuse via forfeiting custody of me to my mother. but im still semi able to reason with him while he isnt drunk. most the times hes simply neglectful, witch is preferable to the alternative atleast. & can somewhat be manipulated into caring about me, or at the very least signing & agreeing to things if i do all of the other legwork

i have a disability of some sort, i have alot of theories but overall doctors refuse to properly test me. i smoke so, they just blame every single issue i have on that & dont listen to ANY of my concerns. somewhat similar to pots in terms of symtoms. i just call it "the slop", this sortof sludge that clouds all my thoughts and everything i do. when it gets bad i cant move properly, often knocking things over, completely losing my train of thought. it can be really hard to have conversations with me, i spend alot of time being silent, keep repeating the same simple few words, dont really listen properly. i can sometimes spend hours just staring off into space. it gets better when im laying down, but sometimes not even that helps. it takes a certain kind of determination to get literally anything done. witch is really hard given my lack of any kind of support.

if i am not extremely ontop of things, if i cant force myself to do things through the slop, then i end up getting into these sludge spirals. i dont eat. i dont drink. i just lay in bed. you get so dizzy and your mouth gets so dry, and so hungry, and the slop is just unbarable. not even really existing as a person, sleeping 18 hours a day, sort of halfheartedly & extremely badly trying to do basic tasks, like eating or drinking, and then after 4 hours i just. go back to sleep. its unbarable & dehumanizing. & its not like i have anybody that can help me. i explain this to people and then they always make suggestions on how to manage it that requires another person to help, and then they never listen when i say i do not have anybody.

i need to get some kind of treatment and i need to get some kind of testing, but doing so requires so much work so many phone calls so much effort that i HAVE to do on my own, that i just. dont have the energy for. its not that im intellectually or phisically incapable i just, im just always in slop. its just always a barrier i have to work around. and the fact that just. the entire fucking medical system is so rotten to the core w/ incompetance & malice twards queer and disabled people means that its just.. so hard to get anything done at all for treatment.

and beyond the fact i have to get meds, i also really need to work on moving out. while i dont think my dad would realistically kick me out until im 18, as that would require actually doing paperwork. i dont trust him to be nice to me beyond that point.

and incase i need to say this to some sheltered fuck who does not understand this. no i cannot go to dcs. i have dealt with dcs my entire life. dcs is not an organization made to help people. it never HAS been. any good they do is incedental. they are at their core a government organization that is supposed to sound good. they do not help children. my tharapist submitted a dcs report about my brother trying to kill me back in december, and i had a dcs worker come to my door and start defending pedophilia to me. every single encounter i have had with dcs has eaither done nothing or actively been harmful to me in having a dcs worker actively encorage my families various abusive behavior.

in summery, i need some kind of help figuring out a way to. deal with everything. ideally something that would help me with practical stuff like medical paperwork, scedualling appointments, that stuff. ideally focused on & or primarily targeted to queer autists in the 16 to mid 20s range of ages. and also that is within arizona. most of the stuff ive been reccomending is stuff like housing and independant living programs, witch while helpful what im looking for is primarily medical help & that is centered around more chronic issues & disabilities that like, need more testing & such to be diagnosed, and not really in the vein of teaching me how to do appointments & such, i know how. i just. am not super good at functioning in general.

dont dm me saying "oh im always here if u wanna talk!!" thats weird. i dont know you.

[jackiepackiee]

𝒟𝑒𝓂𝑜𝓃 𝒮𝓁𝒶𝓎𝑒𝓇

𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒸𝓉𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇! 𝒟𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒢𝑒𝓃𝓎𝒶

𝒲/ 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶

GN! Reader expect for Tengens part

𝒮𝒶𝓃𝑒𝓂𝒾 𝒮𝒽𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓏𝓊𝑔𝒶𝓌𝒶 - 𝒲𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶

Contrary to a lot of headcanons I’ve seen, Sanemi would be happy about this

Obviously not outwardly smiling and laughing, but a reserved and peaceful relief

He wants the best for his younger, and now only, brother

And he wishes for nothing more than his happiness and has always hoped for a lover for him to make happy

Family that Genya could have that wouldn’t leave or be tainted like he was

Kind and loving

Now… he wasn’t expecting this lover to be a fellow demon slayer

Especially another Hashira

Sanemi and you, before all of this, get along fine

He respects the other hashira, and obviously sees your strength and drive

But he’s not overly kind, he’s just himself and standoffish

When he does find out about this however, don’t expect a huge reaction

Because he doesn’t know how to react

It’s most likely that you wouldn’t tell him outwardly, and Genya doesn’t speak much with him

Whatever the situation may be, he looks at the two of you for a second

Genya, having grown up with him, recognizes the look in his eyes

It’s the look he’d have with their mother and younger siblings

Yet much fainter now

Sanemi is protective, and this new fire is to cradle you two with your feelings

He wants the best for his brother, and you’re perfect for him

Kind, incredibly powerful, and strong willed

Another person to look out for Genya while able to give him the affection Sanemi fails to deliver

For the sake of happiness, let’s say Sanemi and Genya speak more

Sanemi tells Genya to not be an idiot and treat you right

Before a date he’ll sometimes silently approach Genya and fix his little arrangement of flowers with a huff

“Make sure they put them in water…”

As for your relationship with Sanemi

It’s more like you two are enemies and comrades at the same time

You’re upset at his harsh behavior, talking back at him when he berates anyone

but also willing to die for Genya just like he is

Although he’ll make sure that never happens

Unbeknownst to you, you’re now on his protection radar too

How can Genya be at his best without you?

Lucky you! Dating Genya and getting his scary brother as your new bodyguard

𝒢𝒾𝓎ū 𝒯𝑜𝓂𝒾𝑜𝓀𝒶 - 𝒲𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶

Giyuu is, like most things, indifferent

He’s happy for you, and happy that you could find love

It’s admirable how you find time to balance work and a more domestic life

But… he’s him

And won’t pay it too much mind

Not wanting to get into your business

To add a little more to this, let’s make a scenario!

You and Giyu are on a mission

And on this mission you’ve been instructed to assist at a small village

Multiple lower rank slayers have gone missing

Sooooo, you both make the journey

Only to find out Genya is a victim to a lower moon

Along with a bunch of other lower ranks of course

You and Giyu make quick work of the smaller demons, but the lower moon obviously poses a challenge

It’s relatively normal until he sees the demon go directly for Genya

It had read your feelings and went for your most important emotional connection

Just before the sharp nails reached Genya, Giyu severed the hand off

He wasn’t sure what made his body move on its own, but seeing you happily embracing your boyfriend after the battle was enough to pull a small smile onto Giyu’s face

Willing to do anything to assist his fellow hashira

𝒦𝓎ō𝒿𝓊𝓇ō 𝑅𝑒𝓃𝑔𝑜𝓀𝓊 - 𝐹𝓁𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶

Despite being only slightly older than you and Genya, Rengoku acts like a big brother

Laughing (in his way, not a mocking way) while patting Genya’s back

Genya of course blushes and acts like it’s something to ignore

Rengokus enthusiastic response makes him embarrassed!

Now this man is probably one of the first to know (because Mitsuri gossiped to him and his brother over lunch)

And while his energy is over the top, he won’t share the secret

He’s a smart man, and very in tune with emotions

So he knows that it can’t be easy for you

Demons are enough of an issue, no more pressure trying to keep a secret as big as a relationship

Now he loves to talk just as much as he loves to listen

You’re like a little sibling and he’ll listen to all your rants

“The way he wore his hair today. It curled up after the rain and..!”

He won’t judge you for your blushing while recounting the events

Instead he’ll try his best to make that situation happen again

Genya happens to have his hair like that everyday now?

It’s because Rengoku told him that leaving his hair the way it is after air drying is healthy!

(He totally lied, he just knows you think it’s cutest right after it dries)

And Genya believes him, always taking the advice

Which leads to cuter and kinder Genya and more often occasions of you swooning

𝒯𝑒𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓃 𝒰𝓏𝓊𝒾 - 𝒮𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶

Oh boy…

You’re both in for a ride

Tengen is probably also one of the first people to know

The man has three wives, he knows what it looks like when two idiot teens are in love

Especially when one of them is you who’s never been distracted from training expect when Genya is with you

And with Genya who seems to train even harder to not only impress Sanemi but now you too

Speaking of his wives, they’re probably the reason you know they Tengen found out

It was some “secret flashy plan”

It was early in you and Genyas relationship

And Suma, Hina, and Makio suddenly snuck up on you and stanched you away into the sound hashita estate

They gave you a makeover

Makio and Suma picked out a pretty outfit while Hina gently did your hair and a little bit of makeup

The entire time you four all gossiped, which ended up in your blushing while blabbering about Genya and your early stages of dating

Genya… he wasn’t so lucky

Tengen stole him away and was on his “make over” duty

Not that Genya and Tengen are bad in their respective rights, it’s just…

Genya is a hard around the edges boy and Tengen is Tengen

But he eventually cracked and gave him some serious advice that wasn’t just “I have three wives, I’m a ladies man”

All while helping him find an outfit that isn’t his uniform

“Girls… they’re less complicated than you think. And that one, she’s in for the hell of it. So you have to treat her nice, and she’ll do the same. You’re both good kids, you’ll be fine.”

This all leads to you looking like an angel by your makeover and him blushing furiously

And… Tengens plan may have just set up the date when you two had your first kiss!

𝒮𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑜𝒷𝓊 𝒦𝑜𝒸𝒽ō - 𝐼𝓃𝓈𝑒𝒸𝓉 𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶

Shinbou is very intelligent

She knows patterns and human behavior

And she’s familiar with Genya after his demon consumption

So it’s very obvious to her what’s going on

Especially after he’s the first to visit you and visa versa

She remembers the day she really found out though… wasn’t a good one

Genya had eaten demon flesh again, even if instructed by everyone to stop

Gyomei said it was immoral, Sanemi said it was stupid, and Shinbou said it was unhealthy

But you, you hated it the most

Seeing him become something he’s not

You loved him, not a demon

And hated the danger it proved

So when this night came, hell broke loose

He had eaten demon and transformed for the night

It’s just that you saw him right before sunrise

And we’re unsure if he had transformed back into a human before the sun

Leading you to leave the battlefield, covered in bruises and pushing past every slayer who tried to speak to you

When you met Shinbou, you started crying

Genuine tears one only cried after the loss of their life

Being herself, she hugged you

And tried to help by inquiring your emotions

“G-Genya! Sniffle Is he here? He was still a demon minutes before sunrise.”

She understands and ushers you someplace

Genya is fast asleep, making a cute face as if he was dreaming

You never outwardly told her, but she’ll never forget the fear at the thought of losing him, and the relief in your eyes and you feel to the ground in tears at his survival

𝑀𝓊𝒾𝒸𝒽𝒾𝓇ō 𝒯𝑜𝓀𝒾𝓉ō - 𝑀𝒾𝓈𝓉 𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓇

Unbothered king

Now he’s friends with Genya but both are rather reserved people

Not the type to share much about their lives and feelings

Let’s pretend this is after his memory is restored

Muichiro is a good kid, and your friend as well

But is pretty unaware of romance and honesty not that interested

Not that he won’t listen

You could talk him ear off about anything and he’d hum in acknowledgment

He just doesn’t have much input

You three do hang out together sometimes

If you’re more extroverted it works well

You pull them along to do fun things

You three really getting to act your age and mess around

If you’re more introverted this is one of the chillest groups ever

When Genya is around people he trusts (his lover and friend who are both Hashira) he never yells or acts over the top

He’s actually rather quiet just like Muichiro, especially when in his presence

The one real involvement of Mui in romance is Genya asking if the flowers he picked are good and Mui nodding even though he knows absolutely nothing about gift giving or flowers

𝑀𝒾𝓉𝓈𝓊𝓇𝒾 𝒦𝒶𝓃𝓇𝑜𝒿𝒾 - 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶

Either your best dream or worst nightmare

She is more enthusiastic about this relationship than you are!

Expect weekly letters inquiring your dating status

Have you had your first kiss?

He held you hand?

You had a sleepover?!?

And the second she sees you she’s bouncing in excitement

Pulling you to the nearest place to sit and interrogating you

For being the love hashira, she’s pretty clueless

She always wants to know every cute detail

“You kissed his cheek? The scar or the other side? Did he blush? He always blushes around you!”

This is what I mean by dream or nightmare

Either you get embarrassed about the question or love the gossip about your lover

She’s the more supportive, giving you amazing date ideas

Even if most of them have to do with eating

She’s the first to know about your first kiss and this girl wants the WHOLE story

She definitely tells Obanai too (if you’re okay with it)

She doesn’t talk to Genya much though :(

Especially since the first and only time she tried to ask about your relationship his face lit up bright red and he seemed to freeze

“All I did was ask about your relationship and he didn’t respond! The conversation was fine before that!”

But he is never surprised when he gets a visit from her crow with a letter of all your new favorite foods, places, and items

She’s an excellent gift giver and wants to help him

As if he didn’t already know all of that, he genuinely appreciates the effort

This girl is your biggest fan!

𝒢𝓎ō𝓂𝑒𝒾 𝐻𝒾𝓂𝑒𝒿𝒾𝓂𝒶 - 𝒮𝓉𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶

Gyomei knew first

He’s a wise older man and a observant mentor

And while you may be off most of the time, Genya is always training under him

And he doesn’t fail to notice Genya always hitting that much harder whenever you are gone on a long mission

I’m saying this man knew Genya had a crush before Genya knew that himself

And he was moved, brought to tears and not paying attention to Genyas huffs of embarrassment

Genya would never yell at him of course

Gyomei is a smart man

And with that he knows a lot about kids (he considers you both kids)

So he’s well aware of your dancing around your feelings

And that upsets him

Your time on this earth is very likely to be short as demon slayers, so you both shouldn’t be wasting it

That is why, as the oldest hashira, he gets some plans in motion

Why are you suddenly on more missions with Genya?

Why do you both end up at the same wisteria house?

Why is it that you both happen to have the same days off?

Gyomei Himejima is why baby

He wants what’s best for the people under his care, even you can take care of yourself

And if he has to put in some forced proximity? So be it

𝐼𝑔𝓊𝓇𝑜 𝒪𝒷𝒶𝓃𝒶𝒾 - 𝒮𝑒𝓇𝓅𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝐻𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶

Obanai does care

Not some bullshit of him being uninterested with other people’s lives

He sees you as a child (you’re obviously around Genya’s age) and knows that only so many things could make a child in the demon slayer corps happy

He knows neither of you have had good lives

If you had, you wouldn’t be in this damn job

That being said, with how withdrawn he is you’d probably think he didn’t even know you and Genya were an item

But he’s observant

And cares for his fellow hashira just like everyone else

He won’t have much to do with anything

But best believe he listens to both Sanemi complain and Mitsuri babble about you two

Sanemi is trying to seem tough

[moiraimyths]

Before we call anon rude because let’s see it from their perspective, imagine getting an entire feast to eat. That can be pretty hard to start with so much that’s going on, but if they start with one thing they know they’ll like (aka one character they like) that can be the start for them leaping to other characters to finish the story and the bigger story. I struggle the same way to start book series if I don’t have at least one character that drives me to read it, it’s all about what can be the hook to push them through. Sounds like the anon is neurodivergent (just a guess) so they might genuinely not see it as rude and see it as a solution to even play the game to start with.

Btw absolutely adore the game, the complex and rich characters making them all so unique is amazing. The art is so pleasing to the eyes I love it!! I’m waiting for it all to get out at once so I don’t get too impatient. Shae however interests me the most, which routes will have the most lore for them? Will there be routes that give more lore in general based on decisions you make or do they all share the same amount? (I mean general lore not just Shae lore)

Apologies; we are not trying to accuse any asker of being rude! We are simply explaining our perspective as the developers / are trying to broadly encourage folks to dip their toes into other areas of the story outside of the main route(s) they're interested in, especially considering some routes will be made available sooner than others, and these other routes will likely contain additional scenes/lore of everyone's fave(s) regardless! We want to give each main cast member an equal amount of love (and lore) regardless of their overall popularity, so our goal is not to tut-tut anyone for having strong preferences for one character over the others, but rather to explain that you may be surprised by how much *more* you learn about your preferred characters in the other routes. That's all!

For Shae... Well, they were a foot soldier for one of the worst periods of the War. Lore wise, any other story that touches on the War will likely have content relevant to them and their experiences. ^^

[rinofwater]

I just found a clinic nearby that does gender-affirming surgeries so top surgery might actually be a feasible thing for me in the near(ish) future

I found a job that seems to have all the stuff I liked from one of my last jobs without the extra bullshit I didn't (can't apply for it currently but that kind of job exists and that's reassuring)

Things might be starting to look up for me

[icewindandboringhorror]

Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...

[firstofficerkittycat]

hey. hi hello. what gave u the right to make the most gut wrenching video ive ever seen in my entire life (star trek is about the sixties). how dare you. you changed my life.

Okay !💖yay

[natugood]

I’ve been tired and laying in bed all day and I finally have the energy and desire to get up and go for a walk by roommate has people visiting and I don’t have the social energy to talk to people (especially meet a new person) right now so I am just trapped in my room

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[savethepinecones]

so so sick of being yelled at for being depressed

[apollo-just-ice]

Love that I had the thought “hmm well some of this stuff in my fic might not be completely accurate :/“

But then I reminded myself it’s like a totally self indulgent written for *me* thing,,, like yeah! It doesn’t have to be perfect, I am writing what makes my heart happy! That is all that should matter really!! And so now I feel okay, honestly. Good job, me.

That rly is an important thing to remember when creating things, is that foremost it should be making you happy, no matter inaccuracies or popularity or anything else

Also an essay of my thoughts about writing a pmd fic below in the tags hahah oops:

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

CNN Interview Zelenskyy and Olena

(Snippet 6)

[tittysuckersworld]

just went back through all my old art posts, and just, wow. i have inproved. like yeah, i still fumble and draw some stuff silly or bad. but its all mine. i made that. its less cringe at the bad art and more "wow i did that once." like i used to know where my very first sewing projects were, and whenever i looked at them i would laugh a little cause the stiches were inches long(like 3 cms) and the fabric was horible and the lil details i tryed to add looked like shit. plus the tiny pillows wernt even stuffed right, but it was mine. i made that. i took some fabric i liked from the fabric store and some extra stuff i had on hand and made it. i even worked really hard so no raw edges would be showing. they sucked and were some of the worst things ive ever made, but i made them. it was my start. now gotta gonna hopefully find all my old sketch books and find the drawings i was proud of to wonder at and redraw because gosh darn it i love art sooooo much. creation is just the best

[icewindandboringhorror]

me everytime I am preparing a meal with multiple elements I have to balance so they all finish cooking at the same time: Wow this is just like the 2009 hit Nintendo Wii game 'Food Network: Cook Or Be Cooked'

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[tortademaracuya]

Everyday feels exactly the same and it makes me wonder if there's even a reason to do anything

[swagging-back-to]

nothing i hate more than when you are using every single ounce of energy and strength to talk to someone bc you don't want to ghost them or go without talking to them and they feel the need to ask for more in passive aggressive ways even wen you LITERALLY cannot message them (during a power outage)