#because i hate feeling too shitty to write but i’ve been feeling that way lately

[theemporium]

Oh, please write for Mat! What about something fluffy with surprising the partner at home?

thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

.

You were dragging your feet by the time you reached your apartment after work.

The exhaustion you felt went beyond lack of sleep and long days, it was set deep in your bones and made every part of your body feel ten times heavier than usual. Everything felt harder than usual. From falling asleep at night to getting up in the morning, from focusing in classes to paying attention during your shifts, from just pushing your body to work on some twisted sense of routine that made you feel like you were a robot completing tasks to the fact you hadn’t felt like yourself in a while.

It was tiring, it was exhausting and you didn’t know what to do about it. And coming home to a completely empty apartment didn’t help settle the unease in your chest, the one that had been bubbling since Mat left for a roadie over a week ago. 

However, being on the other side of the country only put a damper on your already shitty mood. By the time you could manage a conversation over message or call, it was late for you and you were fighting to keep your eyes open, even if you knew you would inevitably be tossing in your bed for a few hours trying to fall asleep. Though, you never did sleep well when Mat was gone.

Despite every cell in your body screaming for you to forget dinner and curl up in bed with the hopes that you could manage more than a few hours of sleep for your first day off in almost two weeks, you knew there was still so much buzzing in your mind for you to do and you didn’t even think the comfort of being home would help. 

You were so lost in your thoughts that it took three attempts before you managed to slot the key into the lock, turn the handle and shuffle inside. You hadn’t even acknowledged the extra pair of shoes by the door or noted the bag dumped a few feet away. 

You didn’t even catch on to any of it until you lifted your head and found Mat standing there, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and hoodie, with his arms spread open and a massive grin on his face as he stared right back at you. 

“Surprise!”

You blinked, your brain unable to even process the sight in front of you.

“We decided to take a late night flight because the early morning one got cancelled so we came home early,” Mat explained as he closed the distance between you, grinning at your silence thinking you were just shocked. “Couldn’t wait to get home to my girl.”

The second he was close enough, Mat wasted no time in winding his arms around your waist and tugging you close until you practically fell into his chest. He grinned down at you, so giddy and happy to just be back home with you that it took a few seconds before he noticed your silence, before he noticed the dark circles under your eyes and the glaze over your eyes like you weren’t fully focused, like you were disassociating. 

“Oh baby,” he murmured, his voice softer and quieter as he raised his hand to gently cup your face, to let his thumb brush over the apple of your cheek as your body instinctively sagged against his touch. 

“M’just a little tired,” you tried to wave him off, but this was Mat. This was Mat who wasn’t just your boyfriend but your best friend, the one who saw right through your bullshit and bad excuses. “I’m glad you’re home. I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he murmured, his lips twitching upwards before he leaned down to place a soft, lingering kiss on your lips. “And I’m glad I’m home too, can take care of my girl like she deserves.”

You sighed. “Mat—”

“Let me take care of you, baby,” he whispered, a glint in his eyes that made your heart race in your chest. “Please.”

“Just hold me.” You hated the way your voice cracked as you spoke. “I just really missed being in your arms.”

His grip on you instantly tightened as he brought you closer, as he wrapped his arms around you and hugged you close until your cheek was pressed against his chest, the smell of his hoodie so comforting and so him. It was overwhelming in the best way possible.

“Always,” he answered as he pressed another kiss along your hairline. “How about ordering from that Thai place you like?”

“I thought you hated it,” you mumbled into his shirt.

“I like some of it,” he argued weakly but you could hear the smile in his voice. “Tonight is your choice. Tomorrow we can order something obscene I like that will make the trainers cry.”

You laughed lightly, and the sound made his grin widened. “Deal.”

“Good, now go get changed into something comfy,” Mat murmured as he pulled you away from his chest, lightly pushing you in the direction of your shared bedroom. “M’gonna put on that show you like.”

“And you won’t get offended when I ogle Damon Salvatore?” You questioned, mostly teasing as you took a few steps backwards.

Mat rolled his eyes, but still smiled as he placed his hand over his heart. “Scout’s promise, baby.” He paused for a moment. “Even if I’m much hotter than him.”

“No doubt about it, baby.”

.

[strniohoeee]

matt despises reader but after noticing that she is having a hard period between anxiety and depression he gifts her a basket full of goodies, like books (she loves to read), fluffy socks, candles and she thinks it's a joke but he ends up confessing

Fall

Pairing:Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Matt is blind to the readers true feelings as he’s so focused on his own. It takes some separation and an Instagram post for him to realize he messed up🎈

Warnings⚠️: None, hope you enjoy though because I’m hating my writing as of lately 🥹❤️

Song for the imagine: I Wonder- The Willowz

I’m laughing, but you’re laughing at me

And I think “oh how could this be?”

And I wonder if it could be the same

He kept looking at me the whole night, and it was starting to annoy me. His face made my blood boil. Like what do you want? It was like he was grilling me

Matt hated me, and to be honest I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t even care really, but he made hanging out with Chris and Nick boring. He was such a Debby downer, and he ruined my already shitty mood constantly.

Nick always told me to ignore him which I did for the most part, but honestly his weird attitude has been making my anxiety worse.

“What do you want?” He asked him finally getting fed up

“Nothing” he said getting defensive

“Well then quit staring” I said rolling my eyes

“You wish” he said scoffing

I started to hangout with them more because my at home life had become difficult. I was slipping into a depression I’ve never been through before. With that came my anxiety, and I just wanted to be away from my room

Of course Nick and Chris didn’t mind it. I was actually shocked Matt found it to be annoying since he struggles with anxiety, but I ignored it.

I often sat with them reading. I didn't mind that they didn’t have plans. I just wanted to be in their presence. It made me feel better.

“You come here almost everyday, and then you just sit around reading” Matt says laughing

“I like to read” I said flipping the page

“Yeah I know” he said shaking his head

“What’s it to you anyways? Not like I’m bothering you” I said laughing at him

“It’s just why not stay home if all you’re doing is reading” he said

“Well Matthew maybe it’s because some people have a difficult time at home, and want to get away from it” I said looking up at him

“Doesn’t mean you have to come here” he said rolling his eyes

“You’re such a dick all the time” I said to him

“The doors right there” he said shrugging his shoulders

“You just don’t get it, do you?” I responded slamming my book shut and scooting away from the table harshly

“Oh come on” he said rolling his eyes

I ignored him and grabbed my stuff, and decided to head home. Matt was such a fucking dick, and I was so over his prissy attitude.

He made me feel like shit, and it was getting harder to be myself and try and have fun. I never wanted to see him again.

I really tried to ignore him, but I really couldn’t. His over analyzing me made me super self conscious, and I was beginning to hate myself.

After that day I had decided to stay home and not really bother them. I truly didn’t want them to think I just used them or anything. Slowly this made me slip into a depression.

Chris and Nick had been texting me daily, but I would rarely ever answer them. Too embarrassed to tell them that Matt had made me hate going to their house. I knew this would make them upset with their brother

I had been sitting in my living room reading Where The Wind Blows when suddenly I heard a loud knock at my front door.

I was a bit concerned as to who would be knocking at my door at 9PM on a Thursday night. However I shut my book and decided to answer the door.

Shock plastered on my face at who was standing in front of me.

“Matt?” I questioned raising my eyebrow

“Uhh can we speak?” He said holding something behind his back awkwardly

“I guess” I said moving out the way to let him in

He walked in, and I shut the door really confused as to why he was here.

“I’m sorry, can I help you with something?” I said shaking my head

“I got you this” he blurts out and turned around to hand me a gift basket

There were flowers, candles, candies, and books. I grabbed it and looked at him still confused

“Matt what is this?” I said blinking at him

“Well I got you roses because they’re your favorite, and then I got you candles and here’s the thing I couldn’t pick just one because I know you love the vanilla candle, but you also love Mahogany Teakwood, but then you also love the peppermint one; so I got you all of them. And then I know you said you loved Twilight but never read the books. So I went to get you the first one, but then I realized you’d have to read all of them, so I got the complete series. And when I was buying candy I remembered all the candies you listed to me like a year ago that you liked, so I had to get them all and-“ he was rambling until I cut him off

“No Matt I mean why are you giving me this?” I said placing the basket down on the table next to us

“Oh….I wanted to say I’m sorry” he said looking down

“Sorry?” I said cocking my head to the side

“I’ve been such an asshole to you lately, and it was wrong. Most of the time I’m joking, but I realized you’re sensitive, WAIT NO not like that I just mean I joke the wrong way with you. And that’s my fault, so I’m sorry. But also I’m a really dry person and I like to people watch. And I also realized that that comes off mean and weird. It’s not what I meant” he said talking fastly

“Matt, calm down. It’s okay” I said getting flustered

“And I should’ve realized what you were going through sooner. I hadn’t realized how bad you had gotten” he said shaking his head

“What do you mean?” I asked

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” he stated

“I’m sorry?” I said furrowing my eyebrows

“Well you see I remember you told me you only watch that movie when you’re super depressed, and you posted it on your story a few days ago. It made me open my eyes” he stated

“Matt how do you remember all this” I said letting out a nervous giggle

“Can’t you see? I’m madly in love with you” he said blinking

“You’re what?” I said my jaw dropping and heat rising to my cheeks

“I just wasn’t sure how to go about it because I don’t know how to open up about my feelings and I realize I was actually pushing you further away from me because I just don’t know how to act around you and once again I’m sorry” he said stepping a bit closer

“Matt, it's okay. You were an asshole to me, but I also wasn’t the nicest in trying to understand you” I said

“I mean no it’s not okay. I’m not sure why I couldn’t just open up to you and tell you how I really feel without completely destroying it.” He replied

“I’m just shocked you remembered so much about me” I said looking over at the gift basket

“How could I not? You’re the most interesting person in my life” he replied blinking softly at me

“You’re really throwing me for a loop here” I said laughing

“I know, and it’s because I’m an idiot who can’t get my shit together” he said signing

“It’s okay Matt. I appreciate all of this. I’m truly grateful” I said pulling him in for a hug

“I just really like you and I’m sorry that I just couldn’t figure out how to reciprocate that properly” he said letting go of me

“ I mean yes you did go about it horribly but I’m glad you let me know I mean hey it’s better late than never” I said offering him a smile

“Do you….do you like me too?” He asked

“You could say something like that” I said blushing and looking down

Matt gave me a smile and pulled me in. Our lips crashing together in a sweet yet passionate kiss. My heart flutters at the action.

That night Matt and I bonded over everything you could think of. Laying in his arms as we laughed about anything and everything.

It’s so weird what communication can do. It can really make or break you.

And it made us.

The End

Yalllll I’m hating everything I write. I tried to make this one decent. I'm sorry yall LMAOAOA. But anyways I hope you enjoyed it and I love yall dearly🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[sugawarassoccerlover]

There to Hold You(Bakugo Katsuki)

synopsis: reader is overwhelmed and has been keeping everything to themselves. Bakugo hates this, and won’t let them self isolate. a/n: this is incredibly self indulgent but I hope this is as comforting to read as it was to write

cw: crying, being overwhelmed, insecurity and overthinking, idk what else, lemme know if I missed something

——————————————————————————————————

“Something’s wrong.” Katsuki stated, the same way one might say ‘the sky is blue.’

“What makes you think so?” You turned around in your chair to look at your boyfriend. You gave him your most earnest smile, trying to not let happen what he was trying to do. 

You had carefully constructed walls to keep your worst emotions away from people, you had to handle them yourself. You couldn’t rely on anyone else. If Katsuki ever knew how you truly thought and felt, you’d be too much, he wouldn’t be able to handle you, he wouldn’t love you, he’d leave you. 

“Cut the crap. F/n told me you haven’t spoke to them in days, and you aren’t the type for that shit.” He said, studying your face for any kind of response.

When you didn’t say anything, he continued. “They said they messaged you and you didn’t respond. You always respond to everyone immediately, so something has to be wrong.” 

“I’m okay ‘Suki. I’ve just… had a little extra on my plate lately, but I’m alright I swear,” you tried to assure him, even though each word was an absolute lie. 

He squinted. Although impulsive, Katsuki Bakugo is not stupid. Especially not when it comes to you. He may have been a little more aggressive because he was frustrated at himself for not noticing something was off sooner, but he wanted to help you. Because he loves you, and he wants to help you the way you helped and continue to help him. He grabbed your shoulders, making eye contact with you, trying to pry the truth from your eyes. 

You looked away, ashamed and not wanting to spill it all. Insecurity chipped away at you. You were positive he wouldn’t love you if he knew how bad the storm in your mind had gotten. How deep the waters were. 

“No, you’re not alright, dumbass. You’ve been acting overly happy lately, but you’ve been distant. You’re good at putting on an ‘I’m fine’ face, sometimes too damn good, but your eyes are so empty,” admitting his worry for you almost made him want to tear up. 

But he couldn’t, he had to get to the bottom of this. He knew, he personally knew what it was like to keep everything in, to never feel able to tell anyone, to be drowning in your own feelings, thoughts, and troubles. He knew what it was like to keep it all to yourself until you snapped, until you felt beyond repair, until it was too much and impossible to feel sane. And he wouldn’t let that happen to you. 

You shook your head. “Please just drop it, Katsuki, I’m busy, I don’t have time for this,” why was he trying so hard? You had convinced yourself no one cared, no one would care. 

He moved his hands from your shoulders to your face, making you look at him. “I can see that something is wrong, and I refuse to let you deal with it by yourself. You’re only going to make it worse if you don’t tell me. Please,” he said, voice nearly breaking. “Please, tell me. I hate seeing you pretend like you’re okay. We both promised to work on our communication. You’ve seen me at my lowest, and you helped me through it, you loved me when I was a moody, arrogant shitty teen. Why would your problems be any different? I promise you, I won’t judge you for it. You can’t get rid of me. So please, y/n, please. Tell me what’s wrong. Please talk to me,” he was nearly pleading at this point.

You felt your eyes well up with tears. Damn it, you had worked so hard at constructing your walls, but he was bringing them down. Why was he so good at this? You had to divert the attention away from yourself. “Oh? It seems I have the hero Dynamight begging. One would consider this an accomplishment,” you said with a forced giggle. 

“Don’t give me that shit. Don’t do this to me, to yourself,” his tone was softer than you’d ever heard it before, emotion sitting in the back. 

A calloused thumb stroked your cheek. It was a small, mundane, minimal act of affection, but yet it made your emotions go haywire. You looked up, meeting his gaze finally, and it broke you. He looked so genuine. A single tear fell, and that was the drop that made the dam break. The walls cracked, and cracked, and all that you had stored up, kept away carefully, came rushing down. Before you knew it, the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. 

Katsuki felt odd for being happy that you were crying, but he was relieved you finally let it out. He wrapped his arms around your midsection, carefully lifting you to stand. One arm remained wrapped around you, while the other moved to hold the back of your head, carefully bringing your face to rest on his chest. Every sob chipped away at his heart. It had been months since you cried like this, and the last time you did you were alone. It was all so much, you felt as if you were going to crumble to pieces.

But Katsuki held onto you the whole time, though you fell apart he held the pieces in his arms. He didn’t tell you that it’s okay, or that you’re okay, because it’s plain to see that you aren’t, but he repetitively reassured you that he’s here, and he won’t leave. His muscular arms held you close to his heart while you cried it out. You’d been keeping it in for so long, you didn’t even realize all the things you were feeling. It hurt, and it hurt badly. Hurts, pains, stresses, all your grievings flowed like your tears. 

Katsuki pressed the occasional small kiss to your head, gentle reminders that he’s with you. He was never one to be very good with words, and though he’s tried to get better at it, he hoped his shows of affection through acts would be enough to convey to you that he cares. Because he cares so much, so much he can barely contain it, he feels so angry when you feel like this, not at you, not towards you, but angry that he can’t fistfight your feelings so they go away. He began to slowly rock you while you stood, protected by his hold. Had you not been in such a sour state, you would have smiled at this action. 

After what felt like quite awhile, all your tears had dried up, and your body began to feel tired. Though you were resting against him this whole time, your body relaxed more as you became more tired. All the crying you had done zapped your energy. When he recognized this, Katsuki led you to your shared bedroom where he motioned for you to sit on the bed. 

“I’ll be back in a moment. Don’t do anything stupid, you hear me?” He said firmly.

You nodded. You felt so drained after your crying session, but yet a little bit lighter. You didn’t want to admit that Katsuki holding you while you let out your emotions helped, but it really did. While you were comforted by the knowledge of him reassuring you the whole time you cried, your insecurities didn’t go away. Your heart told you that you could trust him, and you knew he loves you, but your mind made you doubt. What if it was all an act? If you actually spoke your mind, vocalized your thoughts and feelings, would that be the end of it for your relationship? 

“Oi, dumbass. Drink up. You’ll get dehydrated,” Katsuki’s voice broke you out of your spiraling thoughts. 

You looked up, and he was handing you a glass of water. You accepted it, taking a few sips before setting it on the nightstand. The blond man took a seat next to you on the bed, slinging his arm around your shoulders, and pulling you closer to him.

“You were thinking. What is it?” 

As you stated at him, tears filled your eyes again, and Katsuki carefully wiped them away with calloused fingers. “I’m just… afraid. What if you think I’m too much? What if you can’t handle my problems? I don’t want to be left, what if-“

“Hey. Cut that shit out. I won’t do any of that, and that’s a promise. When have I ever broken my promises, hm?” 

You smiled faintly. “Never.”

“Exactly. Now tell me what’s going on.”

While you explained, he listened. He’d always listen, and he’d always be there. When you had finished, he gave his two cents, with a fair share of curses. You sighed contentedly. Katsuki was awkward at times, blunt, rash, and could be a little rough around the edges, but his stubbornness wasn’t always a bad thing. He never failed to show you how much he cared. His love for you was so strong it was nearly tangible, like a thread in the air you could almost reach out and grab it. No matter what you were dealing with, he would always be there. While he is a pro hero, he’s not a magician, so he wouldn’t be able to make all your problems disappear, as much as he wishes he could. Sometimes, he couldn’t do anything about the storms raging in your head, but he was there, always there, and that’s all that mattered. As long as you had him to hold you, you’d be content. He’d always be there to drag you out of your isolation, your loneliness.  It wasn’t long before you fell asleep in his arms, and Katsuki would not let you go, even after he himself fell asleep. It was his way of saying “I love you.”

[fishytoxicologist]

Hey everyone!! Work has kept me extremely busy lately, plus I had major surgery in the beginning of May so I haven’t had time for much. But….I decided to finally started writing a multi-chapter Rivamika fanfic. I’ve had this idea in my head for a while, and I think I’m finally somewhat happy with Chapter 1. I need to join AO3 so I can share it there, but for now here it is. I might modify it slightly before I share on AO3.

Brief summary….first of all, it’s an AU. the idea is that Levi, a successful and wealthy New York lawyer, and Mikasa, an up and coming fashion photographer also from NY, end up staying *very* close to each other while vacationing in a small town in Maryland.

Also, keep in mind I am a scientist. I enjoy writing and reading, but I am not a skilled creative writer like some fanfic authors are. I try!

Title: A Week in Oxford

Chapter 1: Much Needed Break

Levi - Lower Manhattan, New York

Exhausted but finally feeling at ease, Levi began to pack his documents from the trial into his sleek, black leather briefcase. After a long and extensive jury trial, his client, Dimo Reeves, was found not guilty for the crimes of securities fraud and embezzlement, but was found guilty of the misdemeanor of obstruction of justice. The client was more than pleased with the outcome, since the obstruction of justice charge was fairly minor and resulted in simply year one of supervised probation. The evidence against his client for the other two charges was overwhelming, but Mr. Reeves, a prominent Wall Street trader, hired Levi as his lawyer due to Levi’s impressive track record and tenacity for casting doubt on minute aspects of the crime and evidence. The prosecutors were pushing for 10-15 years of incarceration if he were to be found guilty by the jury. But, Levi had won, yet again. He was able to discover small details in the evidence and slight loopholes in the wording of the law to cast just enough doubt in the juror’s minds, and so they found Mr. Reeve’s not guilty. This is where Levi excelled. Over the last decade, he had proven himself to be a highly sought after attorney throughout New York. He had a mind that could easily find these small inconsistencies in both the evidence and the laws, and his skills in arguing and persuasion were second to no one. For all he lacked in stature, he made up for in his tenacity and cutthroat methods in the courtroom, willing to push the comfort level of the judge but knowing when to stop. To put it simply, in the courtroom Levi Ackerman was an imposing threat to the prosecutors that worked against him. This track record skyrocketed Levi as one of the partners of a now top legal group in New York, Smith and Ackerman. His partner and long time best friend, Erwin, glanced at Levi with a wicked smile on his face.

“What? I know that look. It’s usually never good.”

“Am I not allowed to smile? I am well aware of your amazing career history, but even I am impressed with how you managed this case, Levi. Two years and too many sleepless nights for you, my friend. This decision today was solely based on your impressive mind and work ethic. Choosing you as my partner four years ago is a gamble that has paid off well.”

“Tsk, what gamble? You act as if you haven’t been my closest friend for the last 12 years.”

“Even if you were my enemy, I would have chosen you. No one else can command a courtroom the way you can, Levi,” Erwin replied with a smirk. “Now that this case is finally over, I do believe you owe me a promise.”

Levi rolled his eyes, knowing that Erwin would not be one to easily let this go.

“Erwin, I’m fine. I don’t need to go on a shitty break to a shitty small town. Work keeps my mind occupied and you know how much I hate leaving the city.”

“Levi, you can’t continue to live like this. Trust me, your work ethic is above and beyond anything I could have imagined. But, you haven’t taken a day off of work in four years… and that was only because you had to attend your uncle's funeral. I’m convinced if I don’t force this, you would work everyday until you die a crippled, elderly man in a sterile apartment with nothing but career accomplishments to your name. You need a break. You need to interact with people, make friends and connections other than myself or Hange. It’s healthy to take a break and meet people. And you and I both know how much a change of atmosphere might help with your ongoing sleep problems -“

“What sleep problems? I sleep like a baby.”

Rolling his eyes, Erwin knew better. “ Hange says she has to know by this evening. Apparently someone has expressed an interest in renting the cottage during the same week as you.”

“Fine. I’ll think about it while I drive home and give Hange a call either way.”

Knowing that was as good as he was going to get from his cranky, small friend….Erwin nodded.

“Thank you.. Now, I need to get home and take a shower. This courtroom is stifling and I’m fairly certain it hasn’t been dusted properly in over a week.”

Erwin simply chuckled at his friend's quirks, knowing virtually all there was to know about the man who could intimidate an entire courtroom with just his glare, but who was equally as petrified of dust and dirt.

“Levi, as much as I would love to return home myself, there is a rather large crowd of members of the press waiting to speak to us. But, I know your distaste for them, so I will take the lead. The only thing I ask of you is to please behave and mind your temper.”

With another roll of his eyes, Levi began to walk toward the exit of the courtroom. He knew they meant well, but Erwin and Hange could be, well, imposing. They constantly nagged Levi about his workaholic tendencies and urged him to “get out there and meet people.” They asked about Levi’s sleep habits, knowing he suffered from insomnia, although Levi himself has never disclosed to his two closest friends the exact reasons why. The three of them met while attending Cornell University, although Levi was a freshman during the time Erwin and Hange were already juniors despite being the same age. Regardless, sharing an off-campus apartment together brought them close, and the three of them have remained friends since. While Erwin and Levi both attended law school and passed the New York State Bar exam, Hange received her phD in microbiology and works at New York-Presbyterian Hospital as a microbiologist.

Levi felt somewhat refreshed by the cool October air that encompassed him as he stepped outside of the courtroom, with Erwin and Mr. Reeves’s not far behind him. However, it didn’t take long for the hordes of journalists and cameras to force their way into his personal space, immediately agitating Levi and putting him on edge. He didn’t even do well with people he liked invading his space, let alone complete strangers. .

“Mr. Ackerman, how does it feel to be one of the top bachelor’s in New York City?”

“Mr. Ackerman, can you give us a statement on the jury’s decision today? What are your feelings right now?”

While Levi hated the press and attention, he knew this was part of his job. However, Erwin was much more cordial and well spoken, which made him better equipped to handle the PR aspects of their position, so Levi usually left this part to him. Levi’s temper flared though, when one particularly sleezy duo of journalist and cameraman would not relent, and asked Levi a question that went too far.

“Mr. Ackerman, do you feel guilty for willingly representing someone who scammed his clients out of millions? Especially given your own personal history of criminal acts?”

As soon as Erwin heard the question, he tensed. Before he could even react further, Levi had grabbed the camera from the man and slammed it toward the ground, smashing it into pieces. The crowd silenced, and Levi immediately felt every eye on him.

Without missing a beat, and with a broad smile reaching across his photogenic face, Erwin began, “Well then, with that I am glad to take any questions you have for my partner and I regarding the court’s decision in our case today.”

As Levi started to walk away, head down, he thought to himself perhaps he did need a break.

Mikasa - Murray Hill, New York

Mikasa was browsing through the results of her photo shoot today in Murray Hill. Graduating from Columbia University four years ago with a degree in photography, she quickly made a name for herself as a sought after fashion photographer in the city. Not only is it impressive that she was accepted into Columbia, with only a 4% acceptance rate, she was also offered a full scholarship. Of course, being named as the Valedictorian of her graduating high school class helped quite a bit. Mikasa had always been naturally smart, but when paired with her outstanding work ethic and participation in a variety of extracurriculars, she was a perfect candidate for selection for the highly prestigious scholarship Columbia offered her.

After chatting with her client for a bit letting them know when they would be receiving an email of edited proofs, Mikasa packed up her laptop and made the short walk from the studio to the parking garage. Unlike most New Yorkers, Mikasa insisted on bringing her car when she moved into her one-bedroom apartment in the neighborhood of Hell's Kitchen, New York. There was just too much to explore; too much to see. She usually spent weekends taking long drives outside of the city in search of any and everything she could photograph. Sure, she paid a pretty penny for the parking spot in her neighborhood, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides, her monthly rent of $2,500 was actually quite a steal for the modern, light-filled apartment that she always kept clean and organized. It had all of the necessities….a nice sized bedroom with surprisingly large closet space, a small but full kitchen, even a washer and dryer combo. The money she was making as a fashion photographer certainly didn’t make her rich, but she was more comfortable than she anticipated being at only 25. Plus, she was happy…at least as far as her career was concerned.

It was the middle of October, and the cool breeze and vibrant shades of leaves on the small trees dotting the sidewalks indicated fall had finally arrived. Mikasa loved this time of year, and it reminded her of growing up with the Yeager family in a suburb about an hour outside of the city. Although she suffered from an unimaginable loss as a young child, her years with the Yeager family were filled with love and support. Her second set of parents enrolled her in photography classes, supported her when she felt overwhelmed from her studies and duties as class president, and never missed a single one of her high school soccer games.

Her adoptive brother, Eren, was like a real brother to her in many ways, and she always found herself watching out for him due to his reckless ways. They were the same age, same year in school, and even went to college close to each other. Eren majored in software development and was now working in Philadelphia as a video game designer. He was never as studious as Mikasa was in high school, but he seemed to blossom in his college classes and seemed very happy with his career choice. Their close childhood friend Armin, who graduated as salutatorian right behind Mikasa, also attended Columbia and received his MBA. He also worked in Philadelphia and he and Eren were currently sharing a two bedroom apartment together as roommates.

The relationship between Mikasa and Eren wasn’t always healthy though, and she fears that her co-dependency on him has made it difficult for her to form bonds and friendships with others. One of the reasons Eren repeatedly pushed her away is her tendency to mother those she holds close. Even Armin had mentioned it from time to time. She was well aware of this, but why should she change who she is to please others? So what if she cared too much for people she felt close to? It was a part of who she was, and she didn’t see any need to change that fact.

Aside from Eren, Armin, and her college best friend Sasha, Mikasa didn’t really have anyone else she would consider as more than an acquaintance. Sasha often urged her to meet people and do things other than solitary drives to take photographs. At first, Mikasa dismissed those thoughts. Lately though, she has found herself feeling somewhat lonely, and aching for a connection and companionship. Part of her decision to work in New York and not follow Eren and Armin to Philadelphia was so she could give herself physical distance from the unhealthy relationship that developed between her and Eren over the years. Mikasa knew it was better for her to move on, to find someone who would dedicate their entire self to her and not just lure her in when it was convenient for them. Mikasa truly did want a companion and love, but with such a busy schedule and a small handful of friends, she had no idea how to go about meeting anyone. Plus, she craved for someone who accepted her, flaws and all.

About halfway through her drive home, her phone rang. She pressed the button on her vehicle’s control center to answer via Bluetooth.

“Hey Mikasa! Just wanted to call to check in, see how things went with your big photoshoot this week.”

“Oh hey Sasha! It went really well, the photos turned out amazing… I think the clients are going to be very happy with the finished product.”

“Mika that’s so great! I’m so proud of you! Wanna head out tonight to celebrate? There’s this new restaurant I’ve been dying to try, plus I hear the drinks are amazing too!”

“Actually, I decided I need to get away for a bit. I know it’s last minute, but I think I’m gonna book that AirBnB I was checking out in Maryland the other day.”’

“Seriously Mika? Wow that’s so awesome….damn I wish I could take off a few days and go with! You have to let me know how all of the yummy seafood is down there!!!”

Rolling her eyes, yet smiling, because Mikasa knew how food obsessed her best friend was, she replied, “You know I will Sasha…I always take pics for you too.”

“Yay! Mikasa I’m so happy for you. And who knows? Maybe you’ll meet someone while you’re there,” Sasha said with a wink.

“Sasha….the town has a population of 600 people. I highly doubt there would be someone there I could meet.”

“You never know Mikasa! Okay be safe, love ya!”

With a smile, Mikasa replied “You know it. Love you too.”

The cottage was located in a town called Oxford, which had a population of only 600 people. Being a photographer, she was immediately impressed by the contrast of the red park bench which sat just in front of the grey cottage with its dark green shutters. Near the winding brick sidewalk, tulips bloomed in reds, yellows, and whites. She longed to take more photographs of it, and could only imagine how beautiful the entire town must be as well. The cottage had an open floor plan with only one bed and one couch, but this was more than adequate for her needs. Last week, Mikasa had sent a brief email to the host, someone by the name of Hange, and Mikasa was pleased to see that the cottage was available during the week she had in mind. However, due to work demands, Mikasa never had a chance to follow up on the email.

Upon entering her apartment, she decided to open her laptop and view the cottage again, as well as do some research on the surrounding area. She was excited to see that the small town of Oxford and surrounding area provided numerous opportunities for her photography hobby. Sitting along the shores of the Chesapeake Bay, the area offered opportunities for her to photograph not only the nature of the area, but also take photos of the hard working local people, known as waterman, who made their living fishing and crabbing on the Chesapeake Bay. There were gorgeous Civil-War era estates to explore, state parks to hike, rivers to kayak, and top-rated seafood restaurants to indulge in. Nearby towns like Easton and St. Michael’s offered boutiques, coffee shops, and local artisan crafts.

Upon checking the website calendar, Mikasa saw that the week she wanted, which started the next day, was still available. Without thinking it over too much, Mikasa clicked on the tab to book her one week stay at the small cottage. Within minutes of making her payment, she received an automatic email from the host. She quickly opened her email app and read that the key would be left under the doormat, and it also provided the exact address. Under the doormat? Didn’t these rentals usually have lockboxes with access codes? Then again, she was going to a very rural place. Maybe things there were just done differently than they were in the city? She pulled her suitcase from her closet and began to pack, excited for her last minute decision to make something happen in her life. The next morning, she would make the drive from New York to the town of Oxford, Maryland.

While Mikasa was excited for the chance to relax and explore a new area, she knew better than to get her hopes up about meeting new people. The town she was traveling to had such a small population, and even the surrounding area was mostly rural. However, the possibility still existed, right? Surely there was someone for her out there, somewhere. Someone who accepted her for who she was….someone who wanted all of her. Maybe she would meet someone special on this trip?

Levi - That evening, Tribeca

Levi pulled his sleek, black Audi into the parking garage under his apartment building. He knew he had royally messed up today, and he knew a lecture from Erwin was forthcoming. But, for now; all he desired was some calming music, a soothing cup of tea, and the view and ambience of his 20th floor apartment. He entered the elevator, hit the floor for 20, and exhaled loudly as he leaned back against the elevator wall. The elevator door opened, and he made the short walk to his door. He immediately felt a sense of calm wash over him when he entered his home. The sleek, grey and black modern furniture he selected contrasted beautifully with the exposed brick walls left after renovations. His kitchen had top of the line, chef grade appliances he loved using while creating new culinary dishes. He had a vast collection of various, rare tea leaves stored in metal tins in a cabinet which took up nearly an entire wall. Windows reaching from floor to ceiling provided a gorgeous view of the city skyline from the 20th floor. Levi wasn’t always fortunate enough to live this way, and while he did appreciate the finer things that his new life could afford, he never forgot his roots and where he came from. Perhaps that’s why he holds himself to such high standards in every aspect of his life now. He knows what it feels like to have nothing, and the fear of people seeing beyond the mask he has created for himself was always lurking. Even that sleezy journalist from earlier today took a low jab at Levi’s past, reminding him that he could never truly escape from who he once was.

While the material things were nice, Levi knew they didn’t make him truly happy. Sure, he had a successful career. He had two close friends. He was well known throughout the city as a tenacious lawyer. He had a gorgeous apartment, a shiny new car, and money to spare. But he wasn’t happy. Not the kind of happy he longed for….a romantic companion. Maybe even love. But, he knew he had a pretty shitty personality, and it was nearly impossible for him to open up to new people. He had no clue how he could find something as elusive as love when he could barely tolerate most people. Still, deep down, Levi craved the feeling of someone who he could call his. Someone who supported him, wasn’t after his money, and who loved him for him. Erwin and Hange were good to Levi, he knew that. He appreciated their friendship. But Levi had never truly experienced love before, in any capacity. Not any he could remember at least. Maybe that’s why he craved for it so badly? Levi didn’t even know where to start though. Hell, he had never even been in a real relationship. His experiences with women were limited to one-night stands and flings, and even those ended years ago as his career began to take up more and more of his time. He knew he had impossibly high standards, and he always seemed to find something wrong with women who were interested in him. Erwin and Hange encouraged him to try to have a more open mind, but when it came to something as important as a relationship, Levi didn’t want to settle. But, Levi was nearly 37 years old. It was high time he took steps to make this happen. Someone was out there, someone made just for him. Someone who wasn’t perfect, but who was perfect for him. Someone like that had to exist? Right?

For now, Levi thought he would start with baby steps. Getting away for a week seemed like a good place to start. His friend, Hange, inherited a cottage in a small town on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. She had been begging him incessantly to take her up on the offer to stay there for a week, knowing how badly her friend needed time to relax and decompress from his career. He didn’t even know much about the area, only that it was about a 5 hour drive away and was quite rural. As he pondered, Levi thought this was a healthy first step toward exiting his comfort zone, which was basically staying exclusively in the city, and addicting himself with work. Without thinking about it too much, Levi grabbed his cell and hit the contact button for Hange. She answered nearly immediately.

“Levi! To what do I owe the pleasure? Also, I saw that slight mishap on the news earlier….don’t worry, I think he totally deserved it!”

Grumbling, Levi decided that maybe calling Hange was a bad idea after all. The last thing he needed right now was to be reminded of his poor decision making skills earlier in the day. Hange never was one who fully understood boundaries, though. He decided to look past it for now.

“While I appreciate the sentiment, I’m actually calling to see if your offer to stay in the cottage is still good for the week..”

“What? Is this my friend Levi? Levi Ackerman? Willingly asking about taking a week off of work? Are you being held at gunpoint? Is there someone coercing you right now?”

“I’m serious, four-eyes. After today, I decided maybe I really do need this break. I know it’s last minute, but can I stay there or what?”

Without even checking her app, Hange excitedly exclaimed “Of course you can! Well, I did have someone ask about it last week for the same time slot, but I never heard back from her so it’s definitely available. And you know you don’t need to book through the website….this is on me!”

“Hange, I’m only taking you up on this if you accept payment. We’ve been over this before. And for the love of God, I’m only staying there if someone other than you has been cleaning it. Oh…and make sure you mark it as booked on the Airbnb site….last thing I need is some random showing up because you forgot to update the calendar.”

“Of course I’ll update it, I. I’m not an idiot. Yes, my friend Nanaba lives in the area and she cleans and maintains it for me. Well, the key for the cottage is under the doormat. I’ll send you the address. Bye!”

Under the doormat? Didn’t most people have lockboxes with access codes for these rentals? Levi thought his strange friend was a little too trusting at times, but he dismissed it. All he knew is he would be leaving the next morning, to make the drive from New York to the small town of Oxford, Maryland. Levi pulled his suitcases from his closet and started the process of meticulously packing his things.

Little did Levi know that his friend Hange went to sleep peacefully that night, never once updating the Airbnb calendar, never checking her email or app, and not noticing whatsoever how royally she herself had fucked up.

[player1064]

ok i genuinely can’t stop thinking about this now it’s half 12 what have you done to me 😂 expanding off that last drabble gary introducing jamie to the class of 92 and making like a big thing of coming out to them and then being like yeah duh we’ve known this forever and just jamie laughing his ass off in the background

I LOVE WRITING CLASS OF 92 FRIENDSHIP!!!!! Even though Ryan and Nicky both SUCK in real life and I HATE them so I guess in a way every fic I write that features them is an au where they DONT suck 💔

Also yes this is 1.4k words long I uh. yeah I'm having too much fun w all these drabbles dkafgshfsjdgf

---

“Jamie?” Gary asks one morning while they’re sat in bed, quietly scrolling on their phone.

“Mmm?”

“You workin’ this Saturday?”

“Uhh, lemme check,” Jamie says, squinting even with his glasses on as he taps at his phone. “Doesn’t look like it, no, guess I’m all yours. Unless Salford’s playing at home, ‘cause then I am much too busy to go watch a football game.”

Gary reaches out to smack him on the arm. “Don’t act like y’don’t love it, I’ve seen you cheer just as loud as the rest of us when we win.”

“Well, I love somethin’,” Jamie says with a fond smile, and Gary smacks him in the arm again because he’s already finished his coffee and is much too alert for all that ‘just woken up’ sappy nonsense.

“Ungrateful prick,” grumbles Jamie, still much too fondly for Gary’s liking. “So, we’re goin’ to a game?”

“If tha’s alright. I mean, y’don’t have to come, obviously, but I like it when you do.”

“You like it when I’m – what’s wrong w’you, then?”

“Christ, nothing, see if I say somethin’ nice to you again,” Gary says. “I just. Erm. I’ve been thinkin’, lately, that I’m maybe ready to tell the boys. And I thought probably this weekend’s a good time, with Phillip home and that. So. Would be nice if you were there, for moral support like.”

“You sneaky bitch, you’ll resort to anything t’get me to come watch your shitty little team play, won’t ya?”

Gary has to bite back a smile, because there’s been quite enough sappy nonsense for one morning already.

“Thanks, James.”

“’Course, love,” Jamie says before he reaches across and pokes him in the side. He picks up his phone again, and Gary notes with some pride that he's not doing nearly as good a job at hiding his smile.

*

“So I s’pose you’re all wonderin’ why I’ve gathered you here today.”

Gary watches his friends exchange glances with each other, before Nicky frowns and says “I mean, we were all here already to be fair. Same as every week.”

“Well actually some of us ‘ave jobs, Butty, and we can’t be faffing about watching Salford every weekend.”

“Salford is my job, you –” he purses his lips and turns to Phil and Scholesy. “Not worth it, is it?”

They both shake their heads.

“Yeah, alright. So why’re we gathered here today then, Nev?”

It all of a sudden feels much too real, what Gary’s trying to do. He considers backing out, not like they’ll know any different, but –

But Jamie’s sitting in the corner, pretending to quietly look at his phone so that Gary could talk with his friends alone. Gary glances over to him and gets a private little smile in response. He smiles back, maybe a bit wobbly, and clears his throat.

“Right, yeah. You lot are like brothers to me, y’know that right? I mean, obviously only Phillip is my actual  brother, but you get what I’m sayin’. An’ I know we’ve got each other’s backs, so I’ve just been thinkin’, like. It feels weird that I’ve had this like, I mean it’s been more’n thirty years, hasn’t it, and it seems wrong that I’m still keepin’ secrets from you all after all this time. I didn’t want anything t’change, y’know? But, erm. I dunno. I’m gay, I guess is what I’m tryin’ to say.”

He takes a deep breath when he stops talking, stares at a spot in the top corner of the room so that he doesn’t have to watch them all react.

It’s silent for a moment, then Phil hums and says “So, erm. What’s this secret of yours, then?”

Gary blinks.

He knows that at times he can talk too fast, that he has a tendency to ramble, but surely he’d given enough gravity to it that it wouldn’t just get lost in the mix.

“That – that I’m gay,” he croaks, as hard as it is to force himself to say it again. “I like men, like.”

He manages to get himself to look at his friends again in the silence that follows, watches them all having a seemingly heated conversation through facial expressions alone before Scholesy huffs in frustration and turns away from them, steps forwards to pat Gary on the shoulder.

“Thanks for tellin’ us, Gaz,” he says gently. “Means a lot, that y’trust us with it.”

Behind him, Phil nods earnestly, while Nicky and Ryan both tilt their heads back and groan.

“Oh my god, you can’t be serious,” Ryan says. “Paul, he doesn’t need coddling, he’s a grown man.”

Gary feels his stomach drop.

He knows, he knows that they’re all footballers, that they’re of a certain generation, he wasn’t expecting to be welcomed with open arms, but he’d thought – thirty years, surely that must count for something.

He looks desperately back at Jamie, sees him slip his phone in his pocket and stand up, ready to step in, or to drive Gary home, or just do anything other than this, but then Nicky shoves Ryan and says “Jesus, Giggsy, d’you have to be such a cunt about it though? Nev, don’t look so forlorn, like, none of us care that you’re gay. It’s just – well, we’ve been not carin’ about your being gay since we were fifteen.”

“You what?”

Scholesy and Phillip at least have the decency to look embarrassed, shuffling their feet awkwardly and staring down at the ground.

Gary shakes his head a few times, tries to rattle out the ringing in his ears, then starts pacing back and forth when that doesn’t work.

“Y’re talkin’ nonsense, wha’d’you mean since w’were fifteen,” he says, his words all rushing together in his attempt to get them out past the rising panic he feels. “I weren’t even gay then, I had girlfriend at school an’ all, there weren’t any me bein’ gay fer you to not care about! Only became gay a few years ago, anyway. After I retired, like.”

“Oh my god,” he hears Jamie mutter behind him, so he turns to shoot him a glare.

Scholesy’s now joined Ryan and Nicky in staring at him wide-eyed like he’s lost his mind, but at least he’s still got Phil on side.

Except, then Phil puts on a high-pitched voice and says “Oh, Phillip, d’you think I should ask Becks where he gets his hair cut, doesn’t he have the most amazing hair. Phillip, d’you think he ‘ad braces when he were younger, how’d’you think ‘is smile got so nice? Phillip, d’you mind if we don’t room together anymore, I think I’m going t’ask Becks if he wants to instead, Phillip –”

“—Alright, alright,” Gary says to cut him off, already feeling his cheeks flush. “We get the picture, ta very much.”

He gets the picture a little too well, because suddenly an entire lifetime’s worth of memories have been thrown off kilter, have been tainted by the implication that – but he hadn’t. He hadn’t been gay! And he’d had a perfectly normal appreciation for his best friend’s hair and smile!

Ryan grins at Phil, then puts on his own ‘Gary voice’ and adds “Ooh, Ruud’s very tall, in’t he Giggsy? An’ he’s strong, too, d’you see him lift me up on pitch earlier, ‘s like I weighed nothin’.”

Well, Ruud is very tall, Gary doesn’t see what’s wrong with pointing that out.

He turns back to Jamie, hoping his supposedly loving and supportive boyfriend is going to come defend his honour, to agree with him that it’s perfectly normal to admire your teammates and also that his voice was never that squeaky, thank you very much. Unfortunately for Gary, though, the idiot is looking on with glee in his eyes, the hand over his mouth not doing much to disguise the laughter that’s shaking his whole body.

“Oh, not you an’ all!” he complains, scowling when Jamie responds by stepping closer and throwing an arm over his shoulders.

“Aw, Gaz,” he says with a chuckle, “what’re we gonna do w’you, eh?”

*

It’s only later, when he’s about to fall asleep, that something finally clicks into place in his brain.

“Jamie?”

“Shut up, ‘m sleepin’.”

“Jamie, did I ‘ave a crush on Becks?”

“Oh my god,” Jamie groans, then pulls a pillow over his head and rolls over, turning his back to Gary.

[snowangeldotmp3]

dear el; from max

i bet u thought you'd seen the last of me.... nah jk. there will be more of these, but i'll probably post the last two on ao3. after this there is perhaps one...maybe two more that i will post here. maybe. maybe i'll just post them to ao3. anyway, onto the letter!

El,

I don’t know if anyone told you— shit—you probably already know about what’s happening here in Hawkins but,

If you’re reading this, it means he got me. Vecna. Henry. Whatever.

Which means you have my full permission to kick his ass.

I hope California was nicer to you than it was to me, and I hate to know that this is how you found out about everything. I hope you at least made some friends, but they better not be cooler than me.

I hate that we won’t get to have any more girls nights, and that the only ones we did have were from back then. Before Vecna. Those are some of my favorite memories, and I wish we’d hung out more before that summer. But don’t tell Lucas I said that. Or Dustin. They have it in their heads that they’re my favorite, but you’re still my best friend.

And you can have my Wonder Woman comics. I don’t have many of them left because of the move, but I won’t need them anymore. I want you to have them, as like, a memory of me.

You might have to fight Erica for them, though. I promised her some, too. But I’m sure she’ll share them with you if you ask her nicely.

I wish we could’ve had more time. I wish that we could’ve hung out without some world ending threat always knocking at our door. Maybe in another life we could’ve been normal, teenage girls and talk about boys and magazines and shit.

School’s been lonely without you. Mike and Dustin have joined this stupid nerd club and Lucas has tried to be with me but with everything I just, I haven’t felt like being around people. Nancy tries, she offers a seat at lunch and she’s always telling me ‘I’m here for you, if you need me, Max.’ But really I’ve just wanted to be alone.

And look where it’s got me.

I got all of your letters, by the way. Every single one of them. I kept them in a drawer in my nightstand. I read all of them, re-read some of them when I was a little lonelier than usual. I should’ve written back to you, or at least sent the other letters I wrote to you. I’m so sorry I didn’t—you have every right to hate me for that, by the way.

I just…I couldn’t figure out how to actually reply after the first two or three letters. I couldn’t pretend to be happy anymore and eventually it just got too hard. I shut myself out from almost everyone. I thought I could handle it on my own, that everyone was just pitying me as the girl who lost her shitty step-brother in the mall fire, but it turns out I can’t. And that it wasn’t pity, they actually cared about me.

I think that was harder, honestly. To know that people actually cared about me and wanted to see me get better. I pushed everyone away. It was easier.

This feels like it’s a little too late, but I hope you can forgive me for not writing you back. And thank you, for still writing letters to me even though I wouldn’t write back. I don’t think I would’ve lasted this long without you and Lucas. Even though I’ve not been the best friend or girlfriend in the world, you guys have still been there, even when I wasn’t. Or didn’t want to be. You guys were there anyway.

I should’ve written you back. Should’ve given you something to let you know that I was okay. And now all of this shit’s happened, so.

I’m sorry that this is the last thing you’ll get from me. I should’ve been a better best friend and I’m so, so sorry that I wasn’t. This is gonna sound really sappy and sad, so don’t tell anyone, but you’ll always be my best friend, El.

Promise you’ll kick this creep’s ass for me, okay?

Love, your best friend, Max.

[viscountessevie]

Regé Speaks Out on IG

Took me a couple of day but we finally made it! I hope I did him justice and  that you all enjoy reading this. Anyone who’s perpetrated the harm and hate mentioned below to him, I hope you read this all the way through and reevaluate. 

I honestly still can’t believe he posted this. I think this is the closest he’ll come to say anything against past productions in his career. 

Obviously, it may not be pointed only at The Bee Show but rather an overview stance he's taking against his whole career experience thus far as Mimi has said similarly here too but still it’s a pretty big step to come forward. 

Honestly, I’ve been waiting for a statement like this since S2 dropped or even when he left. I’m so so happy he’s gotten to a safe place where he feels like he can say this now without big repercussions. Then again he also kept it vague enough that no one particular production can say “Hey no slandering us” but still sends a clear message to those who have conducted themselves awfully on set and also by not protecting their cast of colour. 

I can’t speak to the previous productions he was a part of pre-Bridgerton but we’ve seen how superficial the Bton team has been this season especially and now that they have their white couple, they have already started promotion - they haven’t even finished filming yet. Now let’s take a look at the ‘fans’ who ‘loved’ his Duke so much that they ended up turning on him: 

[I was so relieved I couldn’t really find much on his farewell post on the Bton acoount but his own farewell post though? Hohoho - they came in even more hot after S2] 

NO MrsM77 YOUR mother is ashamed of you for leaving such a hateful comment. 

Hey privatelyinmybusiness maybe TIME TO GET OUT of HIS business also say that to all the huge movies he’s booked lately!

Danielle really thinks she’s all that huh that she’s personally offended that he didn’t say goodbye,,,ma’am I don’t know how to say this but you’re commenting on his goodbye post. 

Of course, are we all surprised that all these accounts (except the first one) don’t have posts? Of course, they are trolls who have nothing better to do. 

As always I asked my friends for their thoughts too so here are some quotes from them stating their opinions! Thanks for bouncing this off me guys @hptriviachamp , B who will be anon for now til she lets me know otherwise ​ @kateandanthonyaremyparents​ 

As Eef pointed out:

I think it's because ppl really loved him. And being in this shitty world as it is felt personal offended when he left. The love turned into a feeling of betrayal and that gives them some unreasonable validation to call him out?? 

I mean.. it's not normal, but the bridgerton fandom isn't normal [If I had to sum up my whole experience with this fandom its this,,,I’ve been writing this essay - a whole essay over someone’s IG story and not to miminise it their treatment in their work place - for a couple of days now. That’s a little insane]

I can't relate at all.. whyyyyy turn on him? I mean, good for him to have chosen his own path. He isn't obligated and the fact that all these ppl think they have a claim on him because they loved the duke is beyond me

To add on to this, I just find it so vile that it was most likely the same group of women who got #NotMyDuke trending when his casting as Simon was first announced but then latched onto him in S1 when they could project onto Daphne and sexualised him to the point of grossly objectifying and fetishising him. Then finally turn against him when he ‘dares’ to leave the show because he got other opportunities. If they loved him so much, wouldn’t they want better for him? They really showed themselves this way. They only like him for what he - well more likely his body - can provide for them. It’s honestly disgusting. Let him be happy for fuck’s sake. Which is why I’m elated he’s booked, busy and can actually say this. 

Here’s my friends for their takes on his statement: 

Trivia: 

There's also a vehemence to it, which tells me he's speaking from personal experience and he said "we went through" it so... def prior experiences. I imagine Bridgerton is among them. It definitely is him saying something about bton without saying something good on him though. yeah he doesn’t seem like one to make statements like this so something must’ve built up for him to speak out.

B’s POV

It just says a lot about a show that profits on being "diverse" probably has behind the scenes problems and they don't even think or protect their poc cast. And coming from a company started by a WOC too!? Shame on them

I was initially going to sum up all the anons I got in one post but the topic got way off track. I’ll be acknowledging and owning up to that in a second part but this is the main post and Regé & his treatment are the main focus. I do not want to dismiss or diminish his experience with production. Anyways, here are two that call out production and the cast as a whole and mention Regé (and by extension Simone as the other POC lead) deserve better. 

First anon pretty much said it all - I don’t expect shit from the same Production that gave us those horrible lines - so I don’t have much to add on that front for this post but will be expanding on the cast’s side in Part 2. 

Second anon: I mean I covered this before but IG likes aren’t reflective of anything but yeah ultimately there’s bigger and better things out there for them - hell we are already seeing it with Regé who got The Gray Man and signed on for the D&D movie. I’m sure he (and Simone) will be just fine!!

To sum up, Regé should have been treated better by the fans and production, he definitely should have been protected and I hope he’s living his best life right now! 

Part 2: What The Cast Should Have Done  [EDIT: Post is now up and link is live!] 

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

My Apology.

//If you follow this blog, especially if you’re a follower who was around yesterday, then I ask nicely you take the time to listen to me.

//To get straight to the point, I’m here because I want to apologize.

//For those who are unawares, yesterday, I discovered that Tumblr had made the absolute god awful mistake of forcing me to use their god awful new post editor for asks. Before I went on a three week break, I was allowed to use the legacy editor for my asks, thus I wasn’t weighed down by any of the issues that the new editor brings. I have a long list of problems with it, and depending on how things go, I might make a post tonight about it.

//Me and the new editor don’t get along, and my problems go very deep underwater. Bottom line is I think changing the post editor to what it has now become since the legacy editor, mainly with the uncomfortable UI, different ways of posting images, and of course the image limit, is frankly an idiotic decision that I am furious about.

//And if you were around yesterday you would know that, because I said something really shitty yesterday.

//I still have access to the legacy, unlimited editor for Tumblr in the regular post asks, and I’m hoping it remains that way because, as someone who has been on Tumblr for years now, writing this story that has become a huge part of my life, so I have the right to keep the old editor. But if the people at staff decide to turn around and remove the right to use it from me, blocking me from using Legacy Editor ever again, I threatened that I would never ever use their website again, and Danganronpa Survivor would end before it’s time.

//I ended up saying things like “my days on this platform are numbered” and junk. And I realized almost immediately after I finished answering asks last night that that was REALLY shitty of me.

//It didn’t occur to me just how much some of you love this story and my work. And the fact that I threatened to take that away from you just because of my issues with the new editor was just...straight up wrong of me.

//But it doesn’t end there, because I ended up bringing it to another blog too. You might have seen me ask on main from @a-student-out-of-time what the mods way of bypassing the editor limits was, and then grieve about it over there as well.

//So not only did I kick up a shitstorm, I brought said shitstorm to another blog who had absolutely no reason to be caught up in all of it.

//The good news is that the mods and people over on that server were really supportive. The main mod who runs the blog is a well put-together person and just gave me straight up facts that being defeatist isn’t going to solve anything. On top of that, the askers who know/follow both our blogs recognized that I’ve been through a lot lately, and that these changes don’t help.

//While that is true, that’s not an excuse.

//I don’t know if I ever openly talked about it before, though I don’t really try to hide it, but here’s a fun little fact about me that you might not have known before: I am autistic!

//And unlike some people, that’s never been something I’ve ever had a problem with. I LIKE being different, and I like having the weird, zany thoughts that I do, because without them, this blog wouldn’t be as special as it is to me or to you guys. But GOD it’s a pain in the ass to function as a normal human being sometimes and deal with my problems on my own.

//Sometimes I feel like I have a brain that’s two or three years younger than my body, and I’m prone to throwing temper tantrums and getting angry when things don’t go my way. And when I saw just how nervous and upset some of you were when I said the blog would be shutting down, it made me realize that, as always, I overreacted.

//And I hate that I acted like that. So I’m sorry to those people, I’m sorry to everyone in the ask box who follows me, and I’m sorry to ASooT’s audience too for dragging you into this.

//Maybe this apology is a little overblown and excessive for what it is; it’s not like I’ve killed a person or anything, but I still probably hurt a lot of people’s feelings and upset them, and I need to make it clear that I am remorseful for that.

//So let me make it clear now that DR Survivor IS NOT ENDING. I will do my absolute damndest to power throw the shitty editor, and if what I fear will happen happens, then I’ll figure something out. Either I’ll work around it, find someone who can bring the old editor back, or my safest bet - switching to an entirely new website. What that website is, I don’t know yet, but I’m preparing to find one just in case.

//However, should all else fail, Tumblr does plan to implement a subscription service that removes the image limit. I am willing to pay for that service to keep the blog running, but that’s not the only thing about the post editor that I dislike, so I don’t know what to do about it. I do have some time to decide though.

//That all being said, one last thing I want to make clear is that even if I wish to apologize for my behavior, that doesn’t mean my feelings towards the new editor have not changed. So if Tumblr staff by any chance are reading this post, I want to say this:

//I know you don’t care how any of us feel, and I know you still plan to “develop” your new editor more, but as I said in a previous post, you fucked up massively. Even if you want to develop the editor further, if the final product keeps the changes you’ve already made to it, then congrats. You’ve officially ruined your entire website FOREVER.

//And if I’m being honest, with the way I’ve seen the people in charge act about it; and not to point fingers and spout bullshit or anything, but...it seems to me like you KNOW your changes don’t benefit anyone, and for some reason, don’t actually seem to CARE?

//Maybe I’m wrong, but if I am, I really want to be proven wrong.

//Anyway, enough of that. I’ve said what I’ve needed to say and will finish off by just apologizing one more time. I am still going to write this story, even if it becomes all the more painful for me to do so.

//And in case this post hasn’t made it obvious, your support GREATLY matters to me. I write this blog, but you guys run it, and without you, I wouldn’t be here. So I will do whatever it takes to make sure you keep your content. And that this story continues for a while to come.

-Mod

[punnkzero]

Let’s talk about how I started this and went nowhere with it. If I’m being honest completely on brand for me. But like I said once before everyone has a story and here’s part of mine.

I have gone in and out of my depression for YEARS, like I can only remember my life from after the age of 12 which is quite scary given that I am currently 18. Like that is most definitely a bad thing that I have little to no recollection of my childhood, but if I look at a picture taken when I was real little I get a fuzzy memory. Like I said I struggled with my depression for quite the while, and it was to the point that I got comfortable with the pain so the next time it got bad again it wasn’t too surprising it was as if I was greeting an old friend. Getting to comfortable almost killed me,and did in fact cause me harm.

Now I’ve been bullied for everything in the book through the years and talked down on by friends, family, and others alike so I’ve grown to deal with things a bit funny. I’ve had issues with self harm, disordered eating, body image issues, the whole Shabam.

Everything that I do has a reason even if I don’t completely remember what it is. As I’ve mentioned previously I am queer, that was a fun adventure (not). I had a tough time figuring that shit out and am still kinda doing that (which is okay) I’ve had a friend who threw religion at me and hated that I was gay, I’ve been called slurs, switched from gays to bi to pan to bi to lesbian to queer, its been a messy time. I’ve actually been embracing myself and expressing myself nowadays which is a great step. I never really came out as queer/gay but I think people can just tell or they just knew because it was never a secret I just never said “ I’m gay” Coming out as Non-binary on the other hand was stressful, I think the first 2 people I told were my one friend who came out as nonbinary first and who actually (follows?) me on here and our mutual friend. The first friend I mentioned was actually a big help and still is, and I told are mutual friend because I knew she was going to be supportive. I haven’t come out to my family, well not really, my sister knows I think. I honestly don’t think Ill ever come out to my family, my friends know and respect me and that’s all I really need. My circle is pretty good at the moment.

Now back to why I originally started writing this,I’ll save the details of my life story for my therapist. I haven’t written much because my mental health has been real shitty lately. It’s weird because its not in the way it usually is and that freaks me out,I think its because I’ve grown and learned from the times before. I genuinely refuse to be miserable like used to be, I want to be better and I think I can achieve that. I’ve been trying to heal from all the things I’ve gone through and its working but I just need a nice hard push to fully get there. I haven’t been the slightest motivated for anything and somehow I wrote this whole thing in one go on a random Thursday with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have midterms next week, I’m failing my classes, I’m exhausted 24/7, I feel as though I am dying and yet here I am. My heads weird like that for some reason, maybe I’m strong, or dumb, I don’t know one or the other.

So here’s some of my story, I can’t wait til I can tell the stories of others. And if you wanna hear more in-depth about my weird existence I have no issue sharing (my therapist doesn’t deserve all the tea to themselves) I’m pretty funny I like to think.

[whentherewerebicycles]

okay trying to ignore my feelings isn’t working so I am just going to rapidly write down what I am feeling right now so I can maybe move past it

I’m so disappointed

I loved everything about my job and the kids and the work I got to do

this program was my baby :(((((( I built it basically from scratch and I learned so much doing it and I loved it so much

I feel like we received poor guidance from that development office lady at every step of the way and I know I’m just looking for someone to blame but I keep being like what if we hadn’t asked for so much money what if we had been in more consistent communication what if we had started the whole process earlier what if etc. also just what a maddening person to work with I’m annoyed to have wasted so much energy working with her the last few months ugh

I don’t understand why we didn’t get funded when you look at their grantmaking this past year and we’re so perfectly aligned with their priorities and have a demonstrated track record of success aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i think it also feels like a personal rejection because the program feels so much like it’s Mine. and I hate not getting stuff I apply for sigh

I knew my “getting paid a full time salary for what was essentially part time work with built in time to write” setup couldn’t last forever but I had hoped it would last a few more years. it’s going to be such a massive bummer to give up this dream schedule

all the other jobs at this level/type of work at my university pay $10-15,000 less a year and I can’t really take that kind of paycut if I want to have a kid anytime soon. I fear it’s going to put me in a situation where I have to choose between doing work I really like and having a salary that allows me to put money away

I hate transitions of any kind and I especially hate job transitions

I was gonna have a dream job next year (getting paid just to do program-related research and design the new program with minimal other responsibilities) and now I’m going to have to have a real job instead

everything in the world just kind of sucks right now and this feels like a year of many big and small disappointments. I’m doing ok not letting my bleh feelings snowball too much but it’s hard not to feel like the universe owes us all something really good to make up for the general shittiness of everything

I have to give up my beautiful office 😭😭😭

sigh okay. now I need to make a list of positive or at least more hopeful things.

I had a really fucking awesome final year

I really enjoy learning how to do new things and with my current role I have kind of reached a point where I basically know what I’m doing and how to do it well. and there’s nothing inherent in the structure of this job that forces me to adapt and try new things. a change in job/possibly field of work will mean I can’t just coast and I know that’s “good” for my brain and my development as a “person” or whatever. I’ll enjoy the new thing once I’m in it it’s just the transition that sucks

it’s still possible we might get funded through the university but I’m trying not to let myself hang my hopes on that too much. however I think it will be good practice for me to vocally advocate for the program in the next few weeks instead of going gentle into that good night etc. even if nothing comes of it I think it will be a good chance for me to ask for what I want and try to find creative ways to get it.

I’ve been feeling a little less tied to texas lately… idk I still love austin and I really really love my friend group there but I’ve been opening my heart a little more to possibly eventually relocating to live closer to either family or my bff liz, mostly to make the experience of raising a kid easier. the program would’ve tied me to texas for another 5-6 years so maybe this is the universe helping me be a little more flexible about the future.

I learned SO much from building and running this program and I feel like I gained a lot of good, grounded confidence in my ability to learn how to do a complex new thing. last time I was on the job market I was fresh from my PhD and postdoc teaching year and feeling extremely unsure about how or whether any of my skills translated to other kinds of work. but I am in a totally different place professionally than I was three or four years ago and I think/hope the job search will be a lot less demoralizing this time around.

I am trying to remind myself that transition periods suck and change is scary but the worst part is always that you can only see what you’re losing and have no idea yet what you’ll gain from making the change. maybe the next thing is going to be even more awesome than this would’ve been! who knows!! anything is possible!!!

[the-three-whumpeteers]

AngelBreaker part 4

FINALLY AFTER SO LONG,,,PART 4

ahem, this is basically two short parts mashed together, mainly because that's the only way it would make sense. Finally introducing someone that isn't under North, slowly trying to show the rest of the underworld. Not particularly happy with this one, primarily because of how long it took to write, this went through give or take 10 versions before I settled on this.

Ah right, I believe someone wanted a tag so before I forget//

@kixngigglesgles

Content-wise//

The first one doesn't have much whump-wise, but I will say that North is a terrible friend, manipulative although it's now fully shown here. The second part is where someone's sedated, specifically via needle. North manhandles someone and is, once again, really shitty to Cypress.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weather had been particularly lovely that week, The sky was perfectly clear and the temperature had been pretty pleasant. Thankfully work hadn’t been as rough as it usually was- at least to cypress. Said angel had just sat down on a park bench where he and North had agreed to meet. Cypress allowed himself to finally relax, putting his bag down and enjoying the afternoon breeze.

Cypress had told North about how heavy work had been lately, and with the weather finally being reasonable it only made sense for them both to take a day off and relax, sure this was only a day off for cypress, who, unlike North, hated the job he had been assigned to- North was much better at…disposing of demons than him and they both knew that.

His thoughts were disrupted by the sound of a tired, and totally apologetic North.

“Cy please I am so sorry! I promise I didn’t mean to be late, I just started preening and you know time, kind of flies for me when that happens and-”

“I just got here too you’re okay”

North stopped, raising an eyebrow and staring at his friend for a moment.

“What do you mean? Wait, you’re the one who told me to be here thirty minutes ago, what do you mean you just got here?” North asked, probably knowing why Cypress had done that already.

Cypress stood up and stretched “Because you take forever on your appearance alone, I think you take longer on your wings than I do on my entire outfit, I took my time” he shrugged.

North gasped, purposefully exaggerating how offended he was “Well excuse me if I like looking good, I don’t like when my feathers are dusty” he huffed “ And you could do so much better! Your wings are pretty I don’t understand why you don't-” he would’ve said something else if Cypress hadn’t suddenly shoved something at him. North looked at his hands and realized that Cypress had given him a small cupcake- pumpkin, his favorite. He was delighted when he realized what it was, almost taking an excited bite before pausing.

“...did you get me this just to get me to shut up?” he asked, glancing at his friend.

“Is it working?”

North finally took a bite, staring at Cypress the whole time before nodding.

“Alright now that I’ve calmed you down with baked goods, let’s go before the food gets cold. I put some effort into this little picnic of ours,” Cypress said before snatching his bag and grabbing North by the arm. “Now come on, I’ve been eyeing that park for a while now and today is perfect, we can just sit down, eat, and finally relax.”

North walked alongside his friend, eating the cupcake concerningly fast before speaking up “Well with how stressed you’ve been I guess I can take some time off for this”

Cypress nudged him “Hey, you’re tired too, out of the both of us you work harder, give yourself a break! you’re…Enthusiastic, you’ll tire yourself out you know?” He said, a bit hesitant to talk about North’s attitude during their work- hopefully North didn’t notice that, he didn’t want an argument about this again…Cypress should really tell North to stop being so cruel during work, sure they were demons and he wasn’t supposed to feel bad, but Cypress never expected to see so many beg for their lives.

North didn’t catch on to what Cypress was thinking thankfully, instead, he seemed to be proud of himself when Cypress mentioned his enthusiasm “Hey if I’m gonna make it big I might as well do it with style right?”

“...Sure, I’m sure everyone’s gonna talk about you one day,” Cypress said, finally smiling- North had always been the type to pull off things like that.

They settled into a comfortable silence as they walked, Cypress leading the way since despite living there his whole life, North didn’t know how to navigate the town without getting lost. They were seemingly the only people taking advantage of the nice weather since the streets were relatively quiet, which didn’t surprise Cypress since the Seraphim always encouraged them to work as hard as possible- but Cypress wanted a break damn it.

Cypress stopped in front of the park gates, looking quite proud of himself still for finding such a nice little place. North, on the other hand, didn’t seem to notice and bumped into him.

North was about to apologize and walk in before an excited Cypress grabbed his arm and practically sprinted in.

“Come on! I need to find a perfect spot” He said, scouting out the place while dragging his friend along. He’d reject places that were reasonably nice, from empty clearings to a bench by a stream. It took a while for him to find a spot- a quaint area under a tree that overlooked the park, and at that point North’s arm hurt.

Cypress put his bag down, unpacking everything he’d gotten, which was… excessive. He’d definitely packed more food than they needed, it was a full three course meal at that too.

“...Are you sure we can finish all of that? I know you like cooking but uh-”

“-Listen, we deserve a treat after working so hard”

Cypress was the type to cook whenever he was stressed.

North shrugged, sitting down on the picnic blanket Cypress had laid out, said friend, on the other hand, kept adding more pillows, lamps, bread, and fake leaves. 

Cypress had a stressful past couple of days.

Finally, Cypress presented his masterpiece of a  picnic, which was actually really impressive, and finally sat down himself. Cypress then went to open the basket of food, which was probably just as extravagant as the decorations before North stopped him.

“Cy, buddy, that’s… a bit too much isn’t it,” North said, “I promise we can eat it all later, it'll be fine”

“Right, right sorry I think I made too much…well, everything,” He said sheepishly, “Maybe I'll give it to random people, you know, random acts of kindness or something? I think the Seraphim encourage that right?”

North just shrugged “They’re very incon-” He stopped himself, rethinking his words “They encourage a lot of different things…but! Hey, what if you gave it to some random mortal? Just imagine popping into a random mortal’s house and giving them a pie! They’d probably be terrified”

Cypress grew visibly uncomfortable, he hated when North even mentioned mortals or their realm, he’d usually end up going on a tangent that eventually led to talking about work.

“-They get scared too easily, you’ll tell them not to be scared but they’d still panic over you showing up at all!”

Cypress sighed, trying his best to hide his frustration at the mention of the mortal world. “Listen, North, I wanted a break both from work and from that entire realm okay?” realizing that he’d been a little too mean- at least he felt he’d been too mean, Cypress tried to backtrack a bit “Not that I wouldn’t do that-”

He wouldn’t.

“-But this is my break, remember?”

North’s smile wavered, looking away from his friend. As much as North tried to hide it, Cypress knew how annoyed he was at how little Cypress liked their work. 

“Listen, I promise you’ll like it! Mortals are fun to mess with!” North said, once again trying to convince Cypress. “Is this about work again? It’s been so long man, I thought you’d at least tolerate it by now-”

“Okay okay- let’s not bring this up now, it’s a nice day, we can drop it for now and-”

“Nothing is going to change if you don’t address it Cy, it’s not bad and you can enjoy-”

“-enjoy what? Tearing demons appart like you?” Cypress finally snapped, shutting up North. The silence after that was awkward, neither of them looking at each other. Cypress at least was good at hiding how angry and tired he was. North on the other hand, never bothered to hide his emotions, and was clearly annoyed with everything going on.

In the end, Cypress always hated conflict, and even if he didn’t want to he knew he needed to apologize to keep the peace, they’d both go back to being friends as if none of these conversations had happened in the end. 

…He really should’ve distanced himself while he still had the chance.

Not like he could do much about it now, and no matter how much he thinks about what he could’ve done or changed, that doesn’t matter anymore, so he might as well just accept his situation. Despite constantly telling himself this, Cypress' mind often went back to those days. North was a jerk, but he wasn’t what he is now.

Cypress blinked, realizing how zoned out he’d been, at least he’d gotten some work done. Another fallen had washed dishes earlier, and the task of putting them away fell onto him. A porcelain plate was placed neatly in one of the many cabinets. If he broke it North would only scream at him unlike what would happen to the other fallen if they were to break something, so he was a bit more careless. There was a part of him that hoped to go back to the comfort of the life they used to have, although he knew that was impossible. Cypress still wanted to believe North was a good person. He’d been working hard to at least make North hurt him less, and there’d been progress, at least before recent events. 

Basil had broken the peace Cypress had been building up for years now- not that he blamed him of course. Cypress had always been protective of the fallen, but Basil was the youngest one he’s seen yet. Despite how much Cypress pushed back against North, he had barely prevented any injuries, or worse, but he just knew that if North listened to him he’d understand.

With a sigh, Cypress finally put the last of the dishes away, closing the cabinet and looking around the kitchen he was in, the room was spotless of course, North wouldn’t accept anything other than perfection. Opening the door to leave, it didn’t take long to see another fallen outside dusting some of North’s more expensive decorations. The other fallen looked towards Cypress, about to greet him before they were both distracted by the sound of North coming back home.

Usually North was quiet, only ever looking around to see if his house had been taken care of. For some reason this return was quite the opposite from that.

There was a series of crashes coming from the entrance, and Cypress saw a couple of fallen quickly going the opposite direction since North loved hurting them to relieve stress. Cypress would’ve tried to get away too if he didn’t hear North shouting his name. The sound of North yelling alone terrified Cypress, as much as he hated to admit it, but regardless of his fear he was forced to finally see what was going on.

The hallways were empty as he quickly made his way to the main entrance, the commotion only getting louder as Cypress got closer. The sound of a stranger’s voice became clearer, maybe an unruly demon had snuck in? It didn’t happen often but there was a chance that some young inexperienced demon decided North was a weak target.

Cypress rounded the corner to see what was going on, and the person North was trying to hold down was clearly not a demon. A pair of wings more than confirmed that this stranger was a fallen. The stranger was shoved down roughly, North finally winning the struggle. Cypress couldn’t help but notice that this fallen hadn’t just been banished, which is what North preferred since it made everything ‘easier’. This fallen had definitely been in the underworld for a while now, but why did North bring someone that would struggle so much? Then he saw why. The wings on the fallen had a gold shimmer to it, and if it wasn’t for mud and dust, they would probably be quite pretty… Fuck, North liked this stranger’s wings.

North took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure despite the fallen violently trying to get North off. Cypress froze when North finally looked at him, thankfully he seemed calm, at least considering what was going on. 

“Cy, can you please bring me the sedative? It’s the red syringe in the shelf to your left” He asked, sounding more annoyed than anything. 

Right, red syringe, he could do that.

The fallen immediately reacted when Cypress grabbed the syringe, doubling his efforts to get away and growing agitated “Why are you listening to him?”

Cypress stopped, he wanted to answer but every answer his brain tried to come up with didn’t make sense- because he had to? Because North would hurt him if he didn’t?because they were friends?

“Cy, the syringe” North said, clearly annoyed at the delay. This snapped Cypress back, he just wanted the situation to end so he hurried over to North and handed him the small syringe. The fallen’s eyes locked on Cypress as he moved.

North, thoroughly unbothered by the tension between the two, let out an exaggerated sigh of relief as he sedated the fallen, the struggling grew worse only for a moment before it finally died down. North sighed, glaring at his ‘friend’, “Why did you hesitate?”

Cypress froze, and like a deer in headlights he could only stare at North. Even when North stood up and got closer Cypress could only stumble back.

“I’ve given you enough, I don’t want you latching on to another fallen, got it?” North hissed, making sure that the threat was clear. “Now go, I’m busy and I’ve wasted enough time here, he won’t be here for long anyway”

Cypress didn’t seem to process the last few words and scurried off before North could think of a reason to hurt him later, but he couldn't help the growing feeling of shame as he left.

[ddejavvu]

okay hiiii sorry if this is too much but it’s the anon from the other night who was gushing over ur hangman fic and i’m more awake now and i just have to let u know all these thoughts. i have NAWT stopped thinking about the fic????? i feel like u laced it with crack or something????? i’ve read it like 7 times like what…! i recently watched tgm for the first time and this fic coincided w my obsession so perfectly oh wow. but literally you write jake so so well likeeee yea yea let’s go characterisationnnnnnn!!!! like he’s such a cocky idiot but also a loserrrrr!!!! don’t even get me started on the way u write dialogue i am crying shaking throwing sobbing etc it’s so playful and full of banter yet so sweet and tender yeeeowch ur so crazily good at writing in general duh but specifically hitting that sweet spot!!!!! like that’s insaneeeeee! one day scientists will analyse the impacts ur writing has on the human brain, like that’s how meaningful ur stories are. i’m so serious, my brain chemistry has been altered 4everrrrr. the parts where he was so upset over being (allegedly!) manhandled and thinking he was hated… the necklace… the fact that he would be a sentimental ass loser and keep photos in a pizza box… all that got me like wow ok sometimes baby girl is a grown ass man with two confirmed air combat kills 🤷🏻‍♀️ also obsessed with the level of thought put into the lock and keys ansjfjxbzksjd it’s all about the details yeaaaa!!!!!!! but yeah again thank u so sooooo much for ur writing!!!!!!! so glad i stumbled upon it, feels like a warm ass hug all the time, keep doing what u do (obviously only if you want to duhhh) hope ur super well, all the loveeeeeee! <3 <3 <3

YOU SPOILLLL MEEEEEE this was so so so sweet!! seriously, i was nervous about posting that and i was even a bit bummed out about it but this 100% cured me!! honestly, this reaction is all any author ever wants, so thank you so much for telling me :')))))

ohhhh hehe i caught you in your top gun era >:) perfect!! i'm glad you thought hangman was in character, i just rewatched the movie the other day and had Feelings about him hehe <3

SCIENTISTS ANALYZING THE EFFECTS OF MY WRITING ON THE HUMAN BRAIN do you think you could have made me want to marry you any more in one single sentence.. that is such a special compliment!!! thank you lovebug, that means so much to me :')))

allegedly manhandled!!! u have to treat him so nice and soft and sweet he is literally just a baby :/ just a little babygirl :/

no bc the thought of him keeping pictures in a pizza box is so Hangman to me like oh boy does he care but he's going to do it in what seems like the most lazy way possible - like yes my treasured memories!! hope the grease stains from last week's meat lovers don't soak into the pictures <3

i think sometimes i detail my writing too much, so i'm thrilled that you enjoyed it!!!!! i know he's a chronic Key Misplacer, so it felt in character <3

i'm so not gonna lie to you i've been feeling so shitty about my writing lately, both because i've been thinking it's not my best and because i haven't written much lately, which are both totally okay!! but my brain has been putting me through the wringer here, so this message really came at a perfect time :') thank you so much darling, from the bottom of my heart, you've just made my entire year!! i love you bunches :') <333

[roleplayerconfessions]

Response to: 689720977149607936/689718481492574208

Hi, writer of post 689718481492574208 here. Just wanted to say I entirely agree with you and your points are extremely valid. I think as long as people respect each other there should really be no issues with people who prefer to blog hop, drop muses, or have fickle / fleeting muses, OR people who prefer to not follow/interact with those type of blogs / writers for their own reasons, whether any of these reasons for any of those behaviours have anything to do with neurodivergence or not, but I did want to point out that often neurodivergence is a factor in a lot of "behaviours" I've seen the RPC being pretty hyper critical toward and that this is not exactly fair as when it comes to people who have things like autism and ADHD (which I have both) just as prime examples, its really hard to / impossible control.

I don't know what post the post I was responding to was talking about because it wasn't listed and I didn't see it. I was responding to the response more than whatever the OP that prompted that response had to say. My response was coming entirely from my experiences in the rpc as of lately, as someone who has been labelled a "blog hopper" and someone with "fickle muse" I thought I might just add some input on why a lot of us who get labelled that way (more as a derogatory than just a statement) are exhibiting those behaviours.

Personally, I've received a few complaints as of late due to me remaking my blogs a few times and I have seen my mutuals receive hate and similar complaints for dropping muses and blog hopping etc. For me personally I don't ever "drop" all of my content, my blog may move and occasionally my graphics may change, but I don't consider my threads, headcanons, or general characterisation to have changed in any way so for me there doesn't seem to be a problem with ""consistency"" beside the moving of the blog / possible change of graphics in the first place. (Though I can perfectly understand this being a case by case basis, I'm not gonna say no one ever drops their threads/headcanons/changes their characterisation when they move blogs)

THAT being said I absolutely do not expect ANYONE to continue following me no matter what the reason may be, I just dont really think there is any need to take out some kind of beef with me and other people "like me" who similarly drop/remake blogs "often". (I've even had really weird people start making up "rumours" and "suspicions" for why I might have moved blogs or been inactive, which end up being very wrong and VERY unpleasant just to justify their sudden "dislike" of me over it and its just... Way out of line. This is even when I've tried to be as clear as possible about why I want to remake/move and that a lot of the times it comes down to me being adhd/autistic and having fickle muse. No one ever has to like anyone for any reason but there's really no need to make up suspicions about them secretly being some kind of horrible person to justify yourself. Just dont click with someone and move on. But this itself is an example of the weird but all too common toxicity in rpcs that I also mentioned.)

If the person in question was trying to force others to follow them or get mad with people who dont want to follow them for repeatedly moving their blogs though that is def something I would see as THAT persons bad, entitled behaviour and not the fault of people who have decided they cant/dont want to keep up with their moving around.

For me if you want to follow someone because you like their writing/headcanons/characterisation/threads its 0 effort to tap the follow button. If other folks feel differently thats entirely up to them and not something I would have a problem with them for as long as they dont have problems with the "blog hopper" / "Muse dropper" in the first place just for being those things.

Making it something to hate people for though in either direction is very shitty though. I mean, as a small example and not to cause any hate but there is a person in the replies of my response right now that is saying "you cant develop something in a week / the people who do this in my fandom only post gif sets and nothing else" (paraphrasing but its a public comment so I'd say you're welcome to take a look at the actual response)

And I mean... So? I don't understand how that personally hurts or bothers anyone. I dont see how its anyone's business what some random person in a fandom is doing or more accurately in this case not doing. Whether they're mutual with that person or not. If you dont like to see someone who just posts gifs and leaves dont follow them. Provided they don't hold it against you, all's well that ends well right?

I just personally feel like some people in the rpc get way too possessive of / personally invested in blogs/things that truly have nothing to do with them in any way and cannot possibly be effecting them to the extent some of them like to make out. Bigotry, toxicity, harassment, theft, guilt tripping, etc are valid reasons to be hurt by / angry at / unsure of someone, but someone just posting gifs, not writing enough, disappearing and remaking, rinse and repeat aren't. The people being mad about the very petty, non-issue side of things is what I've been more encountering personally, lately. 😔

In response to this ask about this submission.

[josiebelladonna]

if daveigh/greendruidess/whatever she goes by now is discouraged from writing in the wake of the infamous incident... i want every single one of you to know that i am fully responsible for

my own little world over here because the fact she couldn’t sort out her own shit before she got to writing three years ago has absolutely nothing to do with me and never did, either. i’ve said this before but the only reason i ever bring her up in the last year or so anymore is to make fun of the whole thing. when you’ve been through enough bullshit in life, you learn to laugh at things (and it’s even better if you find the right people to laugh along with).

i mention this because, just out of morbid curiosity just now, i checked her ao3 profile: aside from like loving the dead, she hasn’t updated any of her other wips since february. and my first thought was “wow, that’s... horribly depressing.” shit, i feel bad that i haven’t touched xenon dreams since january and to be frank, i can’t believe it’s been that long, especially with my love of sci-fi and whatnot.

i’ve said this before, too: i do feel bad for her and when this whole thing started, i genuinely didn’t want to go through with it. i think i always will, too (i have too much of a heart, hating is not in my nature, contrary to what she might tell you) and it always kills me to hear about someone giving up something they loved doing because someone else gave them hell of a tongue-lashing. it’s a fear that’s way too common and all too real in the art world, in particular. so many people have given up or will give up because of criticism and it’s something that so many artists fear as well: including me! that was a big fear of mine for years, and in fact, i still feel it. i always clam up whenever i get any comments on anything, not just a piece of art. but at the same time, i also think, wow. your ego was far more fragile than i realized. especially when i remember just how out-of-touch she is.

(and just for some perspective, i consider myself way out-of-touch because yesterday was the first time in... jeez, i don’t even know how long, since i last wandered over to the type o tag just to see what’s going on over there. i’ve been laying low on ao3 lately, aside from the updates and the odd kudos here and there. i haven’t scoured a tag in weeks: writing several thousand words in an afternoon takes a lot out of you and i’ve been focusing on moving lately, so i just haven’t been able to). apparently, she has it in her head that i’m calling people out left and right for stealing, and moreover, she’s addressing me in quite literally the most passive-aggressive way possible.

well... first of all, obviously not. i have way better things to do and it’s really something you have to be on guard for: you don’t go out of your way to scold someone for that, no one does unless they’re actually the victim of it. i’ve lamented how it seems totally bass-ackwards now, that the thieves are the ones to defend and the artist/writer/creator is the one to receive bullshit, and tumblr is an utter bastion for that behavior (why do you think so many artists on here add “do not repost” to their art?), but i’m just sitting here scratching my head at that.

i do remember that chapter of like loving the dead she posted back on my birthday in april, and i have no doubt it was in response to me trying to talk to her last summer to cool things down a bit. the whole vibe of that was she thinks i’m a hater because she’s got a popular fic.

look, there’s a lot of things i don’t like, but i cannot bring myself to hate another person, no matter shitty or toxic they are (and i couldn’t be bothered with things like hits or likes, either, i stopped caring about that during my hiatus and wattpad completely killed it for me).

i actually don’t even hate her at all. i hate that she condones horrible behavior like plagiarism and shameless copying/taking and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. i hate her attitude and how it’s apparently too much to ask of her to throw her weight around (the way she sits in my memory is she looks like regina george in about 30 years but with red hair). i hate how she brags all the time and also her sense of entitlement that’s apparently only gotten worse with time, and i couldn’t help but react to it in the past, either. but as a person, though? no way. you couldn’t pay me money to hate her as a person.

if you ask me, she’s the real hater here. she’s still thinking about that incident and talking about it two years later when there was absolutely no reason to (hell, there was no reason for it six months afterwards). yeah, dead man walking is my side of the story, no doubt about that, but it’s got way more purpose than that: it’s a story that i’ve wanted to write for a long time now and i finally found the opportunity to do so with the events that happened between me and her - i needed a moral or an underlying theme of some sort (it is rated teen and up, after all 😉). she’s just vitriolic and browbeating and projecting onto me, and all i can say is is grudges are fucking stupid.

i got my anger out immediately after it happened through my st. anger drawings, the dead trilogy, and the remainder of my at land’s end series. aside from the odd outburst along the way, i said everything i needed to say and i put it to bed, especially when alex entered my life. i don’t hold grudges, and i’ve never been able to, either.

it literally blows my mind how way too many people on here are like “i have a grudge against this person/i resent this person” and don’t see anything wrong with it. grudges are, at their core, completely petty and pointless and they only end up destroying you, the bearer of the grudge, in the end. really, imagine yourself 5/10/15 years from now, still feeling angry at the other person over something stupid that they let go of right away. you’re going to look so ridiculous and you’re going to wish for that time back, as well. grudges are not just stupid and pointless: they’re sad. like, this is going to be your legacy, man. forget everything else, this is how i’m always going to remember you. was it really worth it in the end? you can’t help but feel bad for the person with the grudge... but you also can’t, because hey, you were the one who stayed angry all this time, not me. i was just trying to live my life, unlike you, letting your anger cloud your vision and swell up your ego to the size of the earth.

when that incident happened (if you don’t know: i was just trying to be friendly with her during anthrax’s livestream from wacken during quarantine - you know. fellow fangirl to another. innocuous fun stuff in a world gone horribly wrong - and over here, she was getting all up in arms about someone annoying and obnoxious, and when she blocked me on here and on wattpad was when i realized she was referring to me), and i looked back on her behavior (which is how i found out her plagiarism in the first place), i saw right away that she’s all-talk and no-walk, but it’s being magnified big time now because she refuses to let go of anger and she’s made it her persona, too. she can go as dark and gothic as she wants: i’m always going to look at her name and think “angry, bitter person.”

i clearly don’t even give a shit about any of this anymore, and i haven’t since the end of 2020, either. i can barely be bothered to go through the type o tag anymore, or any fic tag for that matter because fandom as a whole has followed her lead. aside from things happening on my end, it’s hard to find fic (particularly band fic) on ao3 anymore that feels like it was written from a good place. it’s all clique-y and snide and hard to understand and gives me a headache and i don’t know if tiktokification of everything in existence now is to blame or not.

like i said, if she (or anyone else) throws in the towel, it’s not my call to make and it never was, either. you’re the one driving the ship: i’m just the madwoman in the attic.

[hydravrtx]

ROGUE SPEAKS

“You, who call my sisters witchhunters. Women strong and powerful enough to advocate, to fight for the wounded and the fallen, brave enough to hold members of our community accountable for their actions despite the consequences, you liken them to medeival demons who tortured, murdered, brutalized whole scores, whole cities of women, our would-be ancestors brought to an early grave for the sin of their sexuality, their knowledge, their power. You are punishing us still..Maybe, for the first time in your life, you are feeling what it is like to walk into a room, and not automatically know if you're safe, not know who your friends are, or why they are looking at you like that. Maybe this makes you feel hunted. But you, my friend are no witch. And I don't have time to feel sorry for you, no way, no time, not when a woman in America is raped every 2 minutes...Every 2 minutes. Think about that. I do not have time to listen to your version of the story: your convoluted truth, not when there is a woman out there, millions of women, who have noone to turn to for support, for validation.

I don't have time to nurse your wounded ego, or shed a tear for the dying patriarchy.”

that was the ending piece to a zine i read called WITCH-HUNT: addressing mental health and confronting sexual assault in activist communities and it pushed me to write — july 26th 2023 i put together what is known now as the “list”, you might’ve heard about it if you are young and enjoy the nightlife in the city of atlanta. the masterlist of abusers with the creative communities here. i was compelled instantly to read the zine because i + the community that advocates for the same thing as i do been called exactly that, witches.

“putting a list together to cause mass hysteria and a witch hunt” some said to me and i found it compelling. shaking people out of the shitty broken bed they have laid in for years is a witch hunt? wanting safety for everyone is the mass hysteria? i’ll never fully understand but anyways…that’s not why i am writing this. i’m writing this because lately ive been seeing a ton of think pieces about how activist can be heavily impacted by the work they do and i can say that it has heavily impacted me. negatively and positively. negatively i’m hearing/seeing tragic stories from different people every day… and feeling sometimes powerless that i can’t just have everyone see what i/the survivors do. i can’t make people that don’t want to be empathetic feel empathy. it’s april in 2024 now and my passion still hasn’t shrunk to amplify the voices of each survivor but it has been hard carrying around 100+ people on my back. i appreciate hydra so much for this alone.

harm i’ve learned is inevitable, everyone causes harm. it might not be physically but verbally or emotionally. those are the most common forms of harm as human we enact on each other but i don’t believe in this lifetime we are meant to strive to be a “good person” because the concept of a “good person” is within white supremacist ideals. maybe, the concept of a “good person” should be abolished and reinvented. why to be considered a “good person” you must be compliant with oppression? to be considered a “good person” you must never feel anger and express it? to be categorized as “good” it’s to ignore and deny?

i say all of this to say, that during my journey advocating and standing firmly in my beliefs i allowed myself vulnerable to the perpetrators that caused me harm to take this time during something uplifting to contort the truth of the trauma they induced on me..and manipulate anyone that will listen for the benefits of their ego. on the opposing side i believe that the population of people that hate women are far greater than i believed..this weird patriarchal mindset that all women are “devious” and wretched witch like creatures seems far too comfortably sitting with the mass majority. this idea only amplifies more for black women and other women of color. sometimes i fantasize that one day the actors of my own harm will finally be accountable and just let go. i am tired of fighting for my autonomy, truth and desire to finally be seen and heard. the closest i got to being seen was when stephvon branch ( kashphon) pleaded guilty to aggravated sodomy and is now serving 5 years in prison. though, i never pressed charges…i still felt seen when talking to the advocate that asked me my story. but those 5 years dont erase the trauma…or hate that im still working to snuff out. yes, i advocate for abuse survivors because i am a survivor of abuse

“So this brings me to the dilemma of how to implement a safer space policy, if we cannot agree on who is "right" and who is "wrong". I believe that if believe that if somebody (man, woman, trans, etc.) feels that a crime was committed against them, that they were violated, assaulted, abused, or raped, no matter what the circumstances, we as a community need to acknowledge, despite the lack of "evidence" that something very wrong occurred. It is also my belief that many many people, good and bad, have harmed others without realizing that what they were doing was wrong. Therein lies the problem. Patriarchy, misoginy and abuse are so embedded in all of us (and by that I mean all of us), that it is inevitably a harrowing experience to be called out as an abuser or an assaulter. I feel that every incident has to be dealt with individually, and according to the reactions of the suspected perpetrator, as well as the wishes of the survivor. Often the reactions of an accused perpetrator can be more than revealing of their truth”

was something else from the zine that sat with me heavily, there’s so many harmful behaviors deeply imbedded in us that we are in no position to ever tell the next person that “i didn’t cause you harm” because we are not them you can’t tell someone how to feel based off your opinion or observation! trauma is complicated. people are so complex and different we aren’t in their bodies and the sooner people stop projecting their defensiveness everything would be rather different.

carl jung is a philosopher that i spend a little too much time researching, he talks a lot about archetypes and i believe that’s what he is most known for. one archetype that caught my eyes was “the fool” where’s a quote from this video i watched; “There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true. When there’s an uncomfortable truth that needs to be spoken, and those in power are afraid to speak about it, it is usually the fool who steps in. There is something heroic about this. It is the fool who speaks a truth nobody else dares to utter, and this brings instant relief, because people know it has to be said.”

maybe, hydra and i are the fool

[explode-this]

In my tarot zoom group last night we did breakout rooms and read for each other and the woman reading for me interpreted a portion of the overall message as downplaying my accomplishments and being ashamed of myself for no good reason and I’ve been doing a fair amount of faking my way through the downer feels lately but… yeah. The kind of anxiety I have at this time is of the “I am embarrassed to exist” variety. Like just everything about me is so… cringe, for lack of a better word, and though I know damn well it doesn’t matter if other people think I’m “cringe” or not, the fact of the matter is that We Live in a Society™️ so I have to interact with others and how I do that might have the net result of isolation because I’m too weird or off-putting to others. Not even in a major way but in a slightly unsettling “oh this one is real awkward at expressing herself and also has that thing where she might interact a lot on a good day and then be sapped of that energy for the next few weeks, leaving her spotty and unreliable, so why even bother with her tbh” sort of way. Like if you don’t show up all the time, who’s going to know you’re there, or care when you disappear? Even writing it out it just seems so dumb and pointless, like why am I even alive. Why am I a person. Why am I here, what am I good for, what am I even doing other than cleaning my house and making shopping lists and writing the odd bit of poetry and trying to drink enough water and get enough sleep. I’ve been left behind before by people who thought I was wasting my potential because I didn’t want to figure out a way to monetize my “skillsets” (drawing silly little pictures for people I love) or be famous (at this point I just want acknowledgment from people I know and am fond of (who are hopefully okay with the fact that I take forever to reply to texts because I lowkey hate myself too much for being an unreliable yo-yo of a person to even interact with them), I don’t want everyone to know who I am—see the main thesis of this whole shitty paragraph, “I am embarrassed to be alive because in the eyes of this capitalist hellscape I am worthless”).

Argh anyway I have dishes to do so I’ll stop there, maybe I’ll feel better after an ibuprofen pm and some solid dreaming time