#because i relate so much to her anger and her bitterness and the fight in her that i think. maybe

[thewritetofreespeech]

A Whole New World

pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Reader

summary: in the wake of all the rats abandoning ship, you ask Aemond to leave King's Landing with you as well. [sort of in the vein of my tv show series?? mostly because I want to keep it seperate from the rest of my HOTD stuff that is more book related. part -X XX XXX]

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“Let’s leave this place.”

Aemond looked up at you from his table. Maps and plans littering the surface. There were not enough hours in the day to make headway on a plan to attack or thwart Rhaenyra, so they had moved into your bedroom. “We will leave for Harrenhall in a few days’ time.” He told you. “We will be off soon enough.”

“No, I mean leave this place.” You told him. “Leave Westeros.”

Your husband looked shocked at your suggestion. Understandably. “You would have me leave Westeros. Leave my birthright.”

“It is not yours Aemond.” It was a bitter truth, but a truth none the less, and you were the only one that could tell him that without threat of death.

None of this was supposed to be theirs. Aegon nor Aemond. Deep down they all knew that. Knew that Viserys had not wavered in his final moments on who his favorite child was. Who his first and only was. Alicent could have given the former king 100 sons, and it would not have made up for the one he lost with his first wife. “Rhaenyra now has 7 dragons to our 1 with her dragon mongrels taking flight. Besides which her armies.”

“I have Vhagar!” Aemond shouted in anger. Rising to his feet. “The oldest, strongest, largest dragon in all Seven Kingdoms.”

“And a pack of wild dogs can take down a lion if their numbers are great. I am not trying to upset you Aemond, I’m simply following the maths.”

The prince took a deep breath though his nose and turned from you. Annoyed that you were right, but clearly didn’t want to admit it. “You want me to abandon the city, ney? Run away and hide like the rest of those cowards!”

Aegon had left the city, for his own protection. To where, you could not be sure. That may have been by design as many whispered about how Aemond would kill him in his bed if given the chance. You knew he wouldn’t do that; if for nothing else than the simple fact that it would be dishonorable to murder a cripple in their bed unarmed. His mother had been missing for days at a time now. Uninterested in the war efforts since her dismissal from the council. Such was her right, but the fact that she wouldn’t look you in the eye these days did not grant you comfort on what the former Queen was thinking. The rest seemed to slip out under the cover of darkness. Less and less people seemed to be in the castle. The rats saw that the ship was sinking and were abandoning it quickly.

“I don’t want you to ‘run away’ Aemond. I want you to live.”

Aemond huffed and turned from you again. “Better to die in battle then wither in obscurity.”

“And if you die, and Rhaenyra takes the city, what of me then? Die an honorable suicide like the Queens of old? Be a political prisoner here until the Queen forces me to marry one of her bastard heirs as a good will gesture?”

That got Aemond’s attention. The idea that you could die not nearly as infuriating as the thought that one of Rhaenyra’s “strong boys”, or even her Targaryen brood, would touch you. “That would never happen.”

“You’re right. It wouldn’t. Rhaenyra would have to kill me. If not for the simple fact that I would not bend the knee, but also for the fact that I am a charge to her claim.”

Your hand came to rest at your stomach. Still the same, but not for long. Aemond’s eye followed your hand, and his expression turned to shock before you raised his face to look at you with your other hand. “There are more world out there, my love. Across the Narrow Sea. Beyond. We could take Vhagar and make a new kingdom like your ancestors. We don’t have to stay here and fight over this one. We could have so much more.”

Aemond’s gaze dropped from your hold, but he took your hand at his cheek and held it. “You would have me abandon my family? Turn my back on them?”

“Have they not turned their back on you?” They blamed Aemond for everything. As if he put Aegon up on that stage and gave him a crown. You weren’t naïve enough to think your husband was blameless in his actions during this war, but they were looking for a scapegoat at this point and Aemond was the convenient target. “We are each other’s family now. We are all that matters.”

“Daeron….”

“He can come with us.” You felt maddened to the point of tears. You were fond of Daeron, the few times you had met. A sweet boy who was free of this place. Though you would honestly say anything to Aemond at this point to get him to come. “Helaena too, if you wish. We will fly to some far away place like Aegon and his sisters. Just please….please…let us leave this place.”

Aemond seemed to think about it for a long moment, before he gave you his answer and that was the end of it.

In the morning, Vhagar took flight over the city. Whether she went to Harrenhall with her rider or parts unknown, no one could know then. What was sure, as the histories tell us, was that it would be the last time the great dragon, her rider, or his wife ever came back to the city.

[starbeltconstellation]

So I gotta ask, do you have any headcannons(or cannons I guess since you're the author) about Melanie and Anakin that you can share without spoilers to much.

I'm going through Rewrite the stars withdrawal lol

Awww, thank you so very much for the ask, dear! (And so sorry again about your Rewrite the Stars withdrawal. 😭 Things have been crazyyy in my life. My bro was in the hospital for a while, but he’s okay now though. Also just me fighting my never ending depression spells 🙃). 😅😂

I would be happy to offer some “head” canons! Or canons, technically, as you said. 😂 Lol.

Essentially, this has become like one big, long SW meta analysis and meta analysis on my SW fic, Rewrite the Stars, and Anakin and Melanie’s characters. Sorry for the long response. 😭 I got really into explaining my thoughts. Haha.

I’ll put this under a read more, as it’s VERYYY long:

I’ll just say that the entire reason I started this story is because well, I wanted a fix it fic of course. 😂 But also just because I wanted to write this kind of grand, epic tale in general, just like Star Wars is supposed to be.

A lot of fics I’ve seen like this completely demonize the Jedi most of the time and blame them for their own genocide. And the ones that don’t, also flip it the complete opposite way around and demonize Anakin to where he’s nothing but a cackling demon who kicks puppies for fun (and well… would he do that AFTER the prequel trilogy when he’s in his emo Darth Vader era? Probably. 😂 But he wouldn’t be CACKLING while doing it. He’d be very bitter and callous about it, because Anakin likes to take out his anger on the world when he’s in pain, so by GOD the entire galaxy is gonna be in pain along with him).

But anyways, I’m kinda getting off track.

My point is: the whole reason I started my SW fic is because I wanted to write the type of epic, grand tale of a fic that I’ve been looking for that treats all of its characters with love and respect while ALSO still calling out their flaws and allowing them to grow. That includes everyone: Anakin, Padmé, Ahsoka, Barriss, Mace, Obi-Wan, Dooku, Satine, etc—EVERYONE.

I feel like fandom has become this toxic environment where if you’re criticizing a character, then… (le gasp 😱)… you don’t really LIKE themmm. (Untrue. 😂).

I love, love, LOVE Anakin. He is my hot, insane, child killing bastard of a mans.

… But I also hate him too. 😭😂

I HATE what he’s done and what he believes in after the war and how he just wallows like a child in his pain. I HATE how selfish he is (while at the same time heavily relate to his fear of death and losing those he loves to them dying/growing older). And I also HATE how damn close he was to making a better choice, but he DIDN’T, because in the end, it didn’t MATTER if Anakin technically knew the ‘right’ way to act. He purposely went against it, because he was just too selfish to let go of Padmé (he kinda did a self fulfilling prophecy with her death, but we’re not gonna talk about that part right now), and so he decided his happiness meant more than the entire galaxy, and burned down his childhood home like a school shooter and helped genocide his friends just for the CHANCE to save his wife.

And all of this, in the usual fics I’ve seen, can somehow be undone, just by changing a few little moments in Anakin’s life where he doesn’t get his feelings hurt: ie; Obi-Wan faking his death, Ahsoka leaving the Order/being framed by Barriss, or Mace/Qui-Gon/whoever-the-fuck-you-want-to-say being assigned as his Master instead of Obi-Wan.

And just… no. 😂

As shown through this wonderful SW blog here:

Anakin doesn’t do what he did because, oh, “This, this, and THIS happened to him”, and if you take that away and help him avoid it, he’ll suddenly change and be all warm and fuzzy inside and won’t burn the whole fucking galaxy just because HE cannot handle Padmé (MAYBE) dying and leaving him alone (when he wouldn’t even really BE alone, but Anakin also clearly puts Padmé/romantic love above all else. He might care for his friends and family, but he’d throw them all under the bus if it came down to the wire between them and Padmé). This is something I will go into in the fic as Anakin slowly starts to take a look at himself as he realizes: “wait… wtf? Do I even KNOW what Rex does outside of work? 🤔😨” for him to realize that he’s so obsessive over one person… that everyone else is slowly becoming put to the wayside.

Stopping one or two little things in Anakin’s life during the Clone Wars isn’t going to magically make him see the light and not be a currently ticking time bomb.

That is not how change WORKS. Not REAL change anyway. All of the fics I’ve seen written, usually hand wave a lot of Anakin’s misdeeds and flaws away, and pretend like if you hold Anakin’s hand through certain parts of the war and help him avoid THESE certain moments, that he’ll suddenly just magically become a better person who understands what being selfless and less greedy actually means.

That… is not true change. TRUE change is Anakin HIMSELF realizing slowly but surely as the war goes on that he’s slowly becoming someone he doesn’t recognize in the mirror anymore (*cough* Mel line drop from upcoming chapter? 👀✨ *cough*). TRUE change is Anakin HIMSELF working through his flaws and inner demons, before he gradually begins to realize with a sense of sickening horror that he has been WRONG: ie; massacring an entire Tusken village down to the last child while never telling another soul except Padmé about it and whistling happily to himself without a care in the world as the war rages on.

TRUE change (as you might’ve started to guess from the most recent chapter of my fic) is Anakin HIMSELF slowly but surely starting to question his actions, by comparing them to other people he respects and cares for.

Which brings us to your question on “headcanons”.

The entire purpose of the relationship between Melanie and Anakin (besides me living vicariously through her 😂) is that they are a MIRROR for each other.

Melanie and Anakin, while very different, aren’t COMPLETE and total opposites. There are purposeful parallels between them: their moms, their care of droids, their fear of losing those they love to death, and the PURPOSEFUL CHOICE GIVEN TO MELANIE BY THE SHOPKEEPER 👀 that parallels the choice Anakin is given at the end of ROTS by Palpatine himself in their choice to help the galaxy or be selfish and choose themselves/their own wants instead.

There is a quote I have based their relationship off of. I will share it here (if you are still with me, because I know I ramble a lot 😅😂):

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.

—Elizabeth Gilbert

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Melanie and Anakin are meant to have parallel journeys, even though their personalities are very different. But it’s more than that: their fatal flaws are in direct conflict with each other.

Anakin’s fatal flaw is: greed/selfishness.

Melanie’s fatal flaw is: fear/judgement.

BUT as they are forced into working together… the more they interact with each other… the more their fatal flaws are FORCED to be challenged by the other.

Anakin’s more selfish nature is challenged more and more by just being in Melanie’s presence and watching how she acts with complete compassion and selflessness in certain situations, which makes him slowly start to look at himself internally and take a look at his own actions and thoughts, gradually beginning to realize how selfish he’s slowly become without even realizing it.

Melanie, in turn, has the purposeful flaw of judgment, which can make her self righteous at times (even if she IS correct most of the time 😂), and also the flaw of fear, which as readers have seen, makes her a bit more cautious than she should be in her actions on trying to outsmart Palpatine to save the galaxy.

It’s kind of ironic: just being AROUND Anakin slowly begins to challenge Melanie’s fatal flaws (since she was completely fucking terrified of him the very first moment she realized she was in the SW universe and realized Anakin/Darth Vader was real now 😂). She sees things in such a black and white way at first, but as time goes on, Anakin’s need to be gentle with her and prove himself to Mel, makes her question her judgment with him, which allows her the ability to give him a chance. In turn, just being in his PRESENCE challenges her other fatal flaw on fear, since he’s a walking nightmare PTSD trigger for her pounding heart (and not always in the fun way 👀💓❤️‍🔥☠️😂).

Anyway, my point is that they aren’t just meant to be together romantically to be TOGETHER. It’s because I have purposefully tried to develop a romantic slow burn relationship that comes with my story to weave itself against the original theme of Rewrite the Stars, which is this: TRUE change and atonement/redemption.

Anakin physically CANNOT get closer to Mel, until he forced himself to take a step back and give her some space. If he wants to get anywhere with her, he HAS to start looking internally at himself to try and change and be more gentle with her.

Melanie, in turn, CANNOT outsmart Palpatine and win the war without Anakin’s help and working together with him over the next three years of The Clone Wars. She HAS to get past her judgment and allow herself to swallow her terror enough to give him a chance, because she NEEDS him to win.

This is a chess match between her and Palpatine, remember? And if you lose the king, you lose the game.

ANAKIN is the king. 👀

I bet you can’t guess what chess piece Melanie is. 😂 Lol.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve done a whole lot of taking in circles (sorry about that 😅), because I wanted to go ahead and explain my whole process for this fic while I had the time, so I can also refer this post if I ever need to again.

Now! Getting into some more FUN Stuff:

Idk if you’ve looked up my fic on Wattpad, but I have a lot of cool graphics posted there from my mind and from other artists/authors that have gifted me such wonderful cover art ( @shoniwake ! 👀✨❤️), and in a certain subsection, I have a whole playlist page dedicated as a type of ‘outline’ for the entire story of my fic (fair warning, it’s a lot 😅), just because I think it helps me with planning stuff out.

I won’t tell you all of them, of course. But I’ll share a few of my favorite songs that I always think are the PERFECT songs for Melanie and Anakin’s relationship and their slow burn romantic development. 😭🥺💔❤️💕✨

Innocence by Nathan Wagner

Stronger Together by Lou & SQVARE

Now I See by Lou & SQVARE

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I love these three songs so much, because of their theme of two people coming together as a team and/or learning to open up their hearts to the other and to help the other person the see world in a different way. 🥹❤️💕

This is basically what I want for Melanie and Anakin. Their relationship isn’t just about having a romance in the story (although that’s part of it. Haha 😂💕). It’s about how their relationship meshes in with the rest of the themes of the story: TRUE change and growth into something better.

Melakin is purposely written to be in direct contrast to Anidala (which is still written with care and not erasing their genuine affection, by the way! I think it’s extremely lazy writing to write a canon relationship OOC just to prop up your OC’s own), which shows the difference between a more healthy developing relationship that is based on genuine care and respect (Melakin) and in contrast with one that is more based around idealizing the other person/ignoring their faults and putting them up on a pedestal that is sure to lead to disappointment (Anidala).

This is, as you know from reading the fic, slowly starting to be shown in how Anidala acts with each other in their trash fire (in my opinion! Don’t kill meeee! 🙌😂) of a marriage, which has them basically talking past each other/not really caring about anything that isn’t SPECIFICALLY RELEVANT to the other person (ie; them. Not anything with their family or job. Just THEM. Because while the love is genuine, it’s also eerily obsessive, which was GL’s whole point of them being star crossed lovers that burn out from their own flawed choices in regards to being together and trying to have it all).

This is also shown in my fic with Melakin vs Anidala contrasting each other in Anakin’s choices and how he interacts with them. Anakin REMEMBERS stuff about Mel’s life and choices that really he has no need to care about, but he does anyway. In contrast, there is a scene in the latest chapter of my SW fic where Anakin forgets a very… important member… of Padmé’s family 😭 (If you know, you know 👀🫣😬). 😂

I guess what I’m saying is is that I’m trying to not PREACH to the readers of my fic. I’m trying to write scenes that SHOW them what I believe to be true in regards to Anidala’s toxic relationship/the Jedi being scapegoats that everyone cruelly blames for their own genocide/how the Jedi culture might not be how THE READERS want to live, but it doesn’t change the fact that it IS a valid culture/way to live, and it doesn’t deserve to be eradicated just because you don’t understand/like/agree with it.

I’m trying to lead up into the themes and lessons of my fic as I go along, is what I’m saying. 😂 Which is a really heavy feat, considering how long it’ll end up being as a grand, epic tale. 😩

And a big part of the theme of my SW Fic: genuine change and growth into something better than you were before (ie; TRUE redemption) cannot happen to Anakin as easily as some of the time travel fix-it fics/other fix-it fics I’ve seen written on A03 before. Changing a few little things so Anakin doesn’t have to deal with a few moments in his life is not GENUINE and TRUE change. What that is is essentially placation. It’s PLACATING and CODDLING someone dangerous, which allows them (for the MOMENT) to calm down, because they are generally happy and have the things they want and aren’t under stress like Anakin was in the ending of ROTS when there was nobody there to hold his hand for him to ‘guide’ him in the right direction.

For TRUE change and redemption to happen for Anakin, he has to admit to himself that he was WRONG.

He has to ADMIT and ACKNOWLEDGE that actions he has taken are horrific (the Tusken Massacre), and accept people’s/the Jedi’s judgment on it without becoming defensive and acting like he’s being unfairly attacked and punished for something not that big of a deal. He has to ADMIT and ACKNOWLEDGE that his thought process has slowly but surely become corrupted over the years without him even realizing it, whether that’s from the war or Palpatine stroking his ego or from the trauma of his childhood making him cling to things too hard—it doesn’t really matter. He has to RECOGNIZE that he has become someone over the years that he can’t even recognize in the mirror in relation to that little nine year old boy on Tatooine (about how selfish he has become), and what he can do to change that.

I know some fans will think I am attacking Anakin and that I hate him or something (and well… I DO hate him… but I also love him 🫣☠️❤️😂), but that is not the case. I LOVE Anakin’s character and truly relate to him on such a deep level in terms of how terrified he is of losing the people he loves to death. I can recognize myself and some of my worst fears deeply in him.

However, at the same time, I can also acknowledge that Anakin’s trauma from his childhood (from slavery/his mother dying in front of him), has essentially made his entire personality completely self serving. Because yes, Anakin can care about other people. He cares about and loves his friends. He’d do anything he could to keep them from harm (at least in TCW era 🥶☠️), but the hard truth is… he doesn’t think of his relationships and saving them from death in terms of what his LOVED ONES deserve or what THEY will lose if they die. He thinks about it in terms of what HE will lose if they die.

He straight up says it in the scene with Mace and then the scene with Palpatine: He NEEDS to keep Palpatine (who he KNOWS is an evil Sith Lord) alive, because it’s the only way he can keep Padmé alive. HE can’t live without HER.

There’s genuine love there. I am not denying that. Anakin isn’t a cackling villain like Palpatine (it’s the whole reason Anakin CAN be talked into coming back to the Light Side by Luke, whereas Palpatine would melt Luke’s fucking face off without hesitation if he tried). He cares and loves his family and friends and wife and kids… in a TOXIC way. In an OBSESSIVE way. In a way that is essentially all about HIM: ie; selfish.

Example 1:

Out of context, this sounds very romantic and simply just a reasonable amount of worry. But in relation to all the other things Anakin will end up saying while referring to Padmé as essentially a possession, I’m placing it here anyway as perhaps a sign of his darkening thoughts.

Example 2:

Yes, yes, I knowwww… some of you ladies will be like: 🥺💔 at the sad murder puppy moment. And I suppose it’s still very evil wet cat bastard level/blorbo of him in a intoxicating way for people who want to feel loved—at the same time, he’s essentially saying: look, man, I don’t care if I gotta murder some kids and betray my friends and descend the galaxy and Republic into darkness (which I know my wife will be fucking horrified at). It’s very important that I DO NOT have to deal with this pain, okay?? 😭 Everyone else can be in pain, but not meeee. I’ll crush and stab my friends in the back just so I won’t be left alone from my wife dying.

Very sad. Very wet cat villain blorbo of him.

And yet—VERY selfish and evil. 😭🤷‍♀️👀😂

He’s essentially saying—fuck the galaxy. Let me get mine, and I’ll go home. ☠️

Example 3:

This one’s pretty obvious. By this point, he’s lost his shit. His mind’s already cracking at the seams as he tries to keep justifying the actions he’s taken, which will eventually lead into his 20 year long dissociation where he essentially goes, “Nahhh, that wasn’t meee. That was DARTH VADER. Anakin didn’t do that, because ANAKIN is still a good person (he mutters to himself over and over like a maniac at night in his emo villain lair), whereas I AM THE DARK INCARNATE. 😌🖤” so he doesn’t have to admit to himself that HE—yes, THAT he, Anakin fucking Skywalker—has become an actual terrible fucking person with no heart. 🤷‍♀️😭😬

I don’t see why this is so hard for SW fandom to get. It’s a METAPHOR George Lucas uses to say Darth Vader killed Anakin (and also just a way to plug up the plot hole of what Obi-Wan originally told Luke in the first movie). It doesn’t mean that Anakin’s consciousness is sleeping inside Vader’s head like a fucking cat. Lmao. 😭

Not only would that not make SENSE in terms of how GL wrote it, but it also just essentially makes Anakin’s ‘redemption’ (I don’t really view it as a true redemption. More like just the Christian version of salvation for his soul by the skin of his teeth. Although GL did say Anakin was redeemed in the eyes of LUKE only, because he said some crap about being redeemed in the eyes of our children) all but useless. 😭 You can’t say on one hand that Darth Vader’s ‘redemption’ is the most iconic one of all time, while at the same time saying on the other hand that “Anakin never did any of those things. It was DaRtH VaDeR! 🤪🤪🤪” because then you’re essentially absolving Anakin of all of his crimes while on the Dark Side, and if Anakin is absolved of all of his crimes… then wtf is there TO make him the most iconic ‘redemption’ of all time??? 😭🤷‍♀️ I mean, like—what IS there to ‘redeem’ at that point??? Ya can’t have both, kids. Lol. 😂

This is also essentially what Anakin wanted in terms of his relationship with Padmé and the Jedi Order. He wanted it ALL. He wanted BOTH. Sureee, he TALKED about quitting the Jedi Order eventually after the war to be with Padmé in a little space cottage. But could he WALK THE WALK? Could he really give up the thrill of chasing an enemy, or the twitch of his fingers in reaching for his lightsaber? 😑🤔 Me myself has some doubtssss.

He wanted it ALL. He wanted to be married while ALSO having the strength and power that came from being a Jedi Knight. He didn’t WANT to choose. He even SAYS it.

Example 4: Essentially this SW meme

He doesn’t want to CHOOSE. And it’s why it’s BS when it’s argued he was put in this position by the Council’s rules on marriage, because it’s LITERALLY just like a vow of a priest at a Catholic Church. They can’t marry either, just like the Jedi Order. BUT (unlike what fandom likes to believe), the Order isn’t some cult, and you are free to leave at any time (and hell, they’ll even build a statue after you leave, apparently, if the one they built of Dooku that’s in the Archives (I think) is anything to go by), just as a priest is free to leave the Catholic Church at any time. Because it’s a COMMITMENT to that place. And people might think it’s dumb/stupid/not like it—or even understand it! And you don’t HAVE to like something from a religion/culture/belief, or understand something, to still respect it (another theme drop for the next chapter of my SW fic? 👀😂).

So, what some people will probably wonder is—“But, Starbelt! (Le gasp 😱) Then how is the Jedi culture going to be respected in my fic, if Melakin is still endgame at the end of their slow, slow burn?”

And to that question, I say, “I am not a by-the-book-to-the-very-LETTER interpreter of the Jedi Code (although I’m not saying the code of an entire culture is gonna be ‘changed’ for legit one person/couple. Lmao. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😂), but I AM a Jedi lover who is of the belief that—even if you don’t completely AGREE or even UNDERSTAND the Jedi Order and their code—it shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t be difficult to respect it. It shouldn’t be difficult to not scold a culture on their beliefs, while essentially saying that belief is the reason it is ‘good’ for The Force/galaxy that they were genocided as a ‘clean slate’. 😬🤦‍♀️☠️”

What I WILL say, is that I am going to explore the Jedi Order and the different interpretations of the Code and The Force in general in this fic, and what that means in terms of coexistence, instead of the frankly childish notion of just painting an entire culture as emotionless and wrong in their beliefs, like they are some kind of stuck up, snooty and rich culture that ‘deserved what they got’. 🙄🤦‍♀️😬☠️

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ANYWAY, back to my point with Anakin, and how my fic is trying to complete the most massive and epic of all writing tasks: making Anakin slowly change and grow out of his greed and selfishness into a better person in such an organic way, that perhaps may one day be compared with the likes of Zuko’s redemption from ATLA (I know, I knowww. Pretty high hopes for myself. Lol. 😂).

So, essentially, in the original “timeline” of ROTS, Anakin is freaking losing it, and since nobody is there to hold his hand, he descends right into the core selfishness that is buried inside of him, where he basically just decides, “Fuck it,” and throws all of his morals out the window so he can keep himself from the pain of losing Padmé (ie; it’s really about HIM and his fear, and not about Padmé deserving to live and see more beauty in the world) by cutting off Mace’s hand to stop him from killing Palpatine, because—in Anakin’s OWN words:

Example 5:

Like… 🤷‍♀️😭.

People like to sing “Lalalala,” and plug their ears by pretending Anakin is just so shocked in this scene (le gasp 😱) that Mace is being so UN-JEDI-LIKE, and that it just convinced him that the Jedi Order truly has been ‘corrupted’. 🤦‍♀️🙄

Now see… that might hold some water if Anakin literally didn’t scream “I NeEd HiM! 😡” at Mace like an unhinged five year old, which literally PROVES that the only reason Anakin wants Mace to keep Palpatine alive and not to kill the guy yet is because he needs to learn the super-secret-Dark-Side-magicy way of how to save himself from the pain of losing Padmé to dying in childbirth.

… Because like some may recall, Anakin LITERALLY beheaded Dooku himself all but like… what? 12 hours ago? 😭🤦‍♀️

Essentially, this meme:

So, essentially, what I’m getting at here is: Anakin is a goddamn hypocrite. 😂

Now, in relation to my SW fic? What I essentially am TRYING to accomplish, is to have Anakin slowly CHANGE HIMSELF as the war goes on and he interacts more with Melanie and witnesses her compassion, while in turn comparing her actions to his own.

Melanie isn’t supposed to ‘fix’ or ‘change’ Anakin. Anakin is supposed to be INSPIRED to change from how he grows to care and admire Mel’s choices and who she is inside her heart as the Clone Wars rages on.

I do all of this, so in the HOPES that when he is presented with this scene again, it makes perfect sense to all readers of my fic that his choice may become different—essentially choosing for ONCE, a more selfless route, out of no expectation that he will gain anything in return (that only happens with Luke like—20 years later—and it’s not like he had many other options at that point. 😭🤷‍♀️ Lol.).

(And as I said—MAY become different… 👀 After all, Melanie still has a long way to go before the end of the war… 👀)

But yeah—that’s my plans with my SW Anakin x OC Fic, Rewrite the Stars, and how I’m planning it and Melakin’s relationship to go. I placed a big feat on myself. 😂❤️💕

-

If you wanna see some of my like… ideas/notes on what I have planned to eventually place in there somewhere, I will show you a few things, because it’s not really SPOILERS, since I already talk about the Jedi genocide a lot anyway (it drives me up the wall when SW fandom refers to it as ThE FaLl Of ThE jEdi 🤪🤪🤪). Guess it makes it easier to blame them all for their own deaths that way if you refer to their genocide and slaughter as a “fall”. 😭🙄 Idk. 🤷‍♀️

I also have some stuff with the history of Churches splitting into different factions (ie: The Great Schism of 1054), which I will be weaving in as a parallel at some point. 👀👀 I will not explain why, as that would be too spoilery, but I’m sure some of my more in depth analysis readers on my work could guess if they thought about it hard enough… 👀

There are also some comparisons on the Jedi genocide in the SW universe, and how it parallels the Air Nomad genocide in the ATLA universe pretty much to a T in terms of how fast it all happens in one day, and also how any survivors were hunted down and lured out with relics of their own culture, not to MENTION just the fact that both of these cultures are just non-western inspired in general (seriously, what is with people and killing monks in Temples? Lol. 🤷‍♀️😂). It’s also just an interesting comparison in general, because where the ATLA fandom usually is quite sympathetic to the Air Nomad genocide, on the other hand, the SW fandom is so nauseatingly nonchalant and cruel about the Jedi Order’s genocide that it’s almost downright weird. It’s almost like the SW fandom has this THING about never calling the Jedi’s “Fall 🙄” what it actually was—a horrific genocide. I swear to Godddd, SW fandom must be allergic to the word. 😂🤦‍♀️

I also threw in the ‘Hero’s journey’ thing I’ve been using for Melanie to try and make her a relatable protagonist, while also still having her own character arc along with Anakin’s. It was really important to me that she had her OWN arc away from Anakin, and that she had more connections and relationships in the SW universe than just him. Not only does it weaken her character if she had been made to be all about HIM, but it also just makes a certain… choice… 👀… with The Shopkeeper (her antagonist who parallels Palpatine, Anakin’s antagonist) hit all the more harder, because saving the ENTIRE GALAXY isn’t even about saving ANAKIN at all for her. Not at first, anyway.

Instead, from the very beginning, it’s all about how Melanie grows to care and feel compassion for the people she meets in the SW universe and becomes friends with, and how she cannot turn away from them and leave them behind to die, when she has knowledge that can help change their fates. It was SO important to me that Anakin is not even on Mel’s RADAR at first. She doesn’t hate him or anything. She doesn’t want him dead, but it’s not really about SAVING him either (if that happens along the way, it’s a happy bonus for her). Because—as you know—she’s TERRIFIED of him in the beginning, and just plans to avoid him like the plague.

And in doing so, she grows closer to others in the SW universe: Ahsoka, Rex, Yoda, Fives, Obi-Wan, all of the other clones, etc. ALL of that is so important for a certain choice she makes with The Shopkeeper (which I won’t spoil for any new readers who may stumble across this post and want to read my work 👀😂).

So, essentially, my fic is a grand, epic tale, that our main protagonist, Melanie Bains, is going on to save millions of lives in a galaxy far, far away from death and suffering.

No pressure, huh? 😂😬

That’s definitely going to crack and fracture at Mel’s psyche as time goes on… 🥶 The weight of such a feat on one’s shoulders essentially all alone becomes overwhelming. 😓💔 (*Cough* Hint for next chapter? 👀 *cough*).

So I’m really trying to follow that ‘Hero’s journey’ format. I already have her character arc outlined with a clear beginning and end. I just have to find the will to write the thousands and thousands of words to get there to that point. 😩😭😂

It still makes me so happy how many people relate and enjoy Mel. 😌🥹❤️💓🥰

Some planned themes I am going to weave in as the story goes along:

Example 1: Genocide

Air Nomad genocide propaganda from ATLA:

Jedi Order genocide propaganda (Not sure if it’s from before or after Order 66. Either way, it’s meant to rile the populace up against them and demonize the Jedi as ‘other’, like emotionless wizards that are barely human and aren’t capable of true compassion since they’re a ‘cult’ and not from ‘true’ familial structures, unlike the ‘good ol’ regular populace with their attachments 🤪’) from SW:

Example 2: Church factions splitting up/The Great Schism of 1054

Example 3: Hero’s Journey (Mel’s character arc)

-

… Now, moving past that long meta ramble, here’s some more songs from my playlist on Wattpad for Melakin’s developing romantic relationship and it’s slow, slow burnnnn. 👀💓❤️‍🔥😂

Borderline by Florrie

Let Me In by Michael Corcoran

The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson

Minefields by Faouzia & John Legend

Unlike the previous songs in the earlier part of this meta post, THESE songs are more about Melakin struggling to open up to each other. I’ll admit, a lot of it is more focused on Anakin trying to get Melanie to open up to him, because he doesn’t understand why she’s acting so terrified of him at first.

The one song that’s more about both of them trying to find common ground is “Borderline”, which is meant to be them both reaching out and trying to meet each other halfway. 😊🥰🥺❤️💕

And if you’re wondering what my favorite song is out of all of them?

It’s the “Innocence by Nathan Wagner” song. WITHOUT a doubt. It’s the PERFECT Melakin song that is basically what the whole arc of their relationship is supposed to be. 😭🥹❤️💔💕

Whew, that was a long post! So sorry about that. 😅😂🤷‍♀️ I just got really into talking about my fic and my writing process. I think this has even helped me with motivation! Losing hyperfixations is a bitchhhh. 😖😖

The only other thing I will add is this to hopefully ease your and everyone else’s minds: I may have to go on hiatuses every now and then because of writer’s block or a family/life problem like the recent one with my brother being in the hospital for a while. BUT! No matter WHAT, I will NEVER abandon this fic. It is literally gonna be my damn life’s work—I swearrrrr. 😖✊😂

To end this long SW meta off, I’m going to link another two great Pro Jedi SW meta posts from the wonderful Pro Jedi blog I mentioned earlier. Feel free to check it out if you want, because it’s a lot of Mel’s thoughts on the Jedi, and part of the problems she has to find a way to solve as the war goes on by trying to keep the Jedi in favor of the public’s eyes:

-

To any new readers that stumble across this and are curious enough to check out my fic:

Tags:

@ensomniaa

@heartfairy

@fangirlteallie

@xreadersunite

@shoniwake

[nobodysdaydreams]

📢 I just came up with the most devasting Wolf359 AU today and you're all gonna hear about it. 🚀

My brain really chose VIOLENCE coming up with this AU on father's day.

Here is the set up: the crew gets themselves into a stalemate with Cutter and Pryce that lasts a REALLY long time. The crew can't make it to Earth without getting blown up, but Cutter and Pryce can't get what they need from the crew without gambling too much. The stalemate lasts a long time. Like a REALLY long time, at least a decade. And this is when Cutter decides to play dirty. Well, dirtier than usual, even for him.

Basically, Cutter finds Anne (Doug's daughter), and very much appeals to her the same way he appealed to Miranda, through showing her support, promising her a way to help her disability and make her even "greater" and praising her potential and accomplishment in spite of the adversity she's suffered. He also connects with her via speeches about how his (Cutter's) father never saw the potential in him either. Cutter becomes a sort of mentor to Anne under the guise of "oh look this nice science man is tutoring deaf kids. What a philanthropist!". If we want to go really dark, Cutter has Kate and the rest of Anne's family killed in a terrible accident and adopts her, but he could also just be a mentor to Anne. Either way, she ends up trusting him, and seeing him as more of a father to her than Doug, and starts growing bitter about what Doug did to her and believes that he doesn't care about her at all (Anne thinks he never called, wrote home, or anything, and Cutter stages a whole thing where Anne finds some fake recording he made to make it sound like Doug never cared about her at all so that Cutter can come in and fake comfort her).

Anyway, flash forward through the decades long stalemate between Cutter and the Hephaestus crew, and now Anne's a college student who works for Goddard Futuristics (she's considered one of the higher ups/part of Cutter's inner circle). Like Miranda has her glow in the dark eyes and night vision, Anne has specially made hearing aids created by Goddard Futuristics that allow her to hear whisperers on the other side of the ship and very subtle sounds. Anne's relationship with Pryce and Cutter would be interesting. I can see Pryce being jealous of her (for obvious reasons not to mention that fact that she gets Cutter's attention), but I can also see Pryce finding common ground with her since they have similar backstories that Cutter can't relate to (though Pryce would deny it and whenever Cutter refers to Anne as their little girl, she rolls her eyes and say something along the lines of "for the last time, I'm not playing house with you, Marcus. She's a tool. Like the rest of them."). If Pryce did go with the common ground route, it would be interesting to see if they ever ended up ganging up on Cutter for any reason (I think they'd do this if they were both mad at Hera and Doug at the same time and insisted on making decisions based on this anger), and whether Cutter would find this alliance amusing and endearing or threatening.

But back to the story. So Anne works for Goddard Futuristics now, and the anger she has towards her father has led her to buy into Cutter's philosophy of survival of the strongest, immortality/new bodies, a better future, all of it (though obviously Cutter is lying to her about some stuff because...well he's Cutter, he lies to everyone). So Doug and the crew finally have a show down with their enemies after over a decade in space and who shows up to torture them but Anne. Doug doesn't even recognize her at first, because she's an adult now, but when he does, he's devasted. Anne doesn't believe he's sorry about what he did and insists that this is what she wants now and that Cutter has been a better father to her than Doug ever could be. The crew becomes very conflicted because while they were prepared to fight Cutter and Pryce, nobody wants to kill Anne because despite what she's done, she's Doug's daughter (which is what Cutter was counting on).

Anyway, flash even more forward to Anne discovering recordings that prove her father cares about her and that Cutter is a horrible person, and she eventually breaks down and flips sides. I don't think Pryce would be sad to see her go, and if she was, she'd either get over it, or get angry at Anne for her "betrayal". Cutter might also have more complicated feels by that point if Anne reminds him of Pryce, and I could see him trying to force her to stay. Also at one point, Anne's special hearing aids break, and that's when she discovers that Doug learned sign language for her, just in case he ever got the chance to see her again.

Anyway, feel free to lmk what you think!

[deepdonutkid]

Peeta’s and Katniss’ roles reversed Part 2

(Well, yes, that topic is still very much on my mind and I want to start writing this soon)

So... if Peeta’s and Katniss’ roles were reversed in Mockingjay and Peeta is the one who gets rescued from the arena and not Katniss, another thing I can’t stop thinking about is who is he stuck with in D13.

No matter who got saved or not from the arena, the Capitol would still taking it out on D12 to set an example and to punish the star-crossed lovers. Gale would still see the warning signs and start evacuating people. Still a lot of people would not react fast enough and therefore be left in D12, when the bombing starts. Peeta’s family would be among them and therefore be dead.

There he is, alive and somehow well, in D13. His family is gone, Katniss is in the Capitol and he is stuck with... sober Haymitch, crying Finnick and... raging Gale. Well, of course, there would be Prim, Mrs. Everdeen and Delly, but let’s focus on the male characters first.

Peeta, very much like Katniss, would definitely attack Haymitch, just not physically like she did, more like with words filled with spite and rage. “You promised me to safe her! You owed me this!” Uhm, and that’s still on the nicer end of things he would say to Haymitch. So, I’ll guess, they won’t be spending much time together at first in D13.

Finnick is still devastated about losing Annie, but Peeta can so hardcore relate to what Finnick is feeling and what he is going through, they would quickly become friends. Maybe even getting a room together, while Katniss and Annie are still in the Capitol. (Similar to Johanna and Katniss) They would be tying knots together and console each other during their breakdowns.

But because Peeta is approached by Coin to be the face of the revolution, it’s safe to say, at this point, Katniss is the only thing, he lives for. If she hadn’t saved him in the first Hunger Games and then was left behind in the Quell, he would not be standing here. He knows that. And we all read how tough he was, when it came to protecting her before the Quell, while she was still there. Just imagine him going absolutely feral and becoming a bad-ass motherfucker, while still remaining a good and decent person. (And yes, I very much believe this is possible, just say one word and I will elaborate the shit out of this one)

Therefore Peeta is forced to leave Finnick be Finnick for a while and start doing something to get Katniss and Annie back. (And Johanna and the other remaining Victors). And guess who is the most concerned about Katniss’ rescue and is also in a more important position in the rebellion?

Right, it’s Gale. And they would fight a lot. I mean, Katniss already picked every possible fight with Gale, and they were best friends at that time. I guess with Peeta it would have been similar or worse.

Gale would act very childish and bitter, because he saw the Quell, right? The beach scene, the goodbye kiss... Uhm, he is going to be jealous. Even if he doesn’t want to let it out on Peeta, he still has all that pent up anger with no way to go. (other than planning to kill civilians, lmao)

And Peeta on the other and could not leave some thing unsaid. Not about Katniss, actually, everybody knows his stance on this topic, but Peeta would be disgusted beyond compare, when learning about Gale’s war pinterest board with Beetee.

However, they both have the same goal in mind, so they would find a way to work together, even though it might take a while, since both have very different approaches handling stressful situations. They wouldn’t hate each other, but they are not going to become friends either.

[beevean]

The idea of Annette essentially telling Richter to suck up his own trauma because "Hey I've had it worse and I'm still fighting!" is so fucking putrid

Yes, racism is shit and horrible. I suppose that, from a quantitative standpoint Annette has indeed suffered more than Richter, but trying to quantify human suffering, especially of the "I watched my mother being brutally murdered in front of me at a young age" variety, in order to create "yeah X has had it worse than Y" is often fucking awful and reeks of a sense of superiority

Imagine an orphan who lost their parents during a brutal war that they witnessed with their own eyes telling another orphan who lost their parents during a simple mugging that they should suck it up because "they've had it worse", it's fucking cold, it's establishing a condition of personal superiority based on personal suffering and how one is affected by it. You're essentially telling another person that their trauma and their suffering don't matter as much as yours and, as a result, that they themselves as a person, value less.

Oh these guys wanna do Berserk? Why yes I would gladly like to see them write Casca like this, have her say that Guts has had it easy in life when compared to her because at least he's a white man, maybe tell him during their sex scene, when he starts breaking down due to his sexual abuse-related PTSD, that he should man up and suck it up because "Hey I'm a woman who everyone is trying to rape every 5 minutes and you don't hear ME bitching about it!"

It's putrid, yes. And I've already seen it justified, because well, at least Richter only saw his mom die and then that's it, Annette kept suffering after that!

Not surprising that it would be well received on Tumblr, the birthplace of oppression olympics 🙃

And Annette did all that speech to basically say that she's better than Richter. That she's stronger. That she looks down on him for being a weakling. And then proceeds to call him "useless as fuck"? Oh yeah I can see peak romance blooming in the air already. I'm reminded of Greta who listened to Alucard telling her that he killed his rapists and nearly became as bitter as his homicidial father, and her reaction was "eh I fucked a married man and angered his wife, same thing, right?". What's with these women and completely lacking in empathy towards their love interest? Is this what being a Stronk Woman entails? Oh, but interracial couple, so progressive :^)

This was not something to add in a season that basically did an any% speedrun. I can buy in a vacuum Annette being too focused on her trauma to care about others', especially the trauma of a white man who she'd see as inherently privileged, because she has been taught that they're her enemy and they all see her as inferior. I can see a character arc where she actually, legitimately moves on from her past and understand that everyone is suffering and they have more in common that differences and they all need to stick together and grow with each other. But this painfully relevant topic is just too complex to tackle in 8 episodes that are already juggling too much material. And, y'know, by this show which has the sensitivity of a steamroller.

[dangermousie]

Ep 14 is one of my faves and, unsurprisingly, it's the nadir of the OTP relationship. The first time I watched the drama, I wasn't sure they'd recover.

Before I get to all the serious stuff, I want to say I am amused that SR manages to untie herself. Clearly, SY has never had to do practical things like knots before and isn't into BDSM either so he's just not very good at tying someone up in a way that sticks.

Love the way she prepares to fight tho, faking being out of it and then springing tho she doesn't know how to fight and all she has is a wooden piece.

Love the bitter irony of the contrast between their first visit to the gisaeng house together and this. Also, the fact that their reunion is him kidnapping her and her trying to stab him to death (OMG, that girl is tough!) before she realizes who that is and goes into shock is EVERYTHING.

She is so relieved and he's so dead inside (but not as dead as he wants to be - he is still haunted by overhearing her saying she wanted them to be each other's shadows; a lot of his anger is at himself - because he hates her and blames her and yet cannot stop loving her.)

I just love the way this is shot, with just one little bit of light on his face. And he's not wrong - he's a totally different person from the sunny scholar of the past - whenever we get flashbacks, it's genuinely shocking, that contrast - but the amazing thing is that on rewatch, I know she's gonna bring him back to life.

Kinda gasping at the fact that the thought of her marrying Myun bothers him as much as the death of his clan and he views it as just as heinous a betrayal - neither one of these emotionally compromised babies realize what he's admitted - how he's demonstrated that he's not only not over her but that she's emotionally still so important to him - even in the most dysfunctional way possible.

The way he loses it when she calls him seosangnim like she used to and grabs her by the throat? Jeez dude. He's basically tied everyone related to Sejo into one big "enemy" label but also he does it because it makes him feel and he doesn't want to - he doesn't want pain and he doesn't want hope and he just wants to kill Sejo and die and all utterly numb.

Dude, you are so not immune the way you wish you were.

He basically bolts out of there.

SR clearly likes hard work because ooooh boy. But I love that her devotion towards him and her attitude of - I don't want to say tolerance of his acting out but her loving him despite it - isn't motivated just by her love (though it very much also is), but also by the knowledge that her family owes him a blood debt, that his grudge is just (and in a society where a clan rises or goes down together, his not limiting hate to Sejo is also expected.) It is her father who has turned him into this feral quasi-monstrous wreck and I love that she never forgets it.

[themetalvirus]

Hypothetically speaking (since with how deeply he's ingrained the whole "my dad can do no wrong" mentality, him leaving it is going to be damn near impossible), what would a redeemed Egghog Sonic look like? How drastically would his behavior and identity change, given he'd basically have to start from scratch with how viciously Eggman stunted him emotionally and mentally?

oh man oh man oh man when i first got this question it sparked so much inspiration i had to go downstairs and pace around for an hour

i usually am not a fan of AUs branching off of other AUs but... this was almost a thing! when i first started thinking about egghogs, i wasn't sure whether sonic would be doomed from the start or if he could somehow be strongarmed into changing. some of this comes from that era of the story where i was still figuring out how it would end... i just think it's interesting thinking about him being "redeemed". because he wouldn't start fighting for the side of good, he'd spend the rest of his life just trying to make sense of what happened to him.

one of the endings i came up with initially was him coming out of his triple-hyper form exhausted and injured. the intensity of his transformation collapsed eggman's lair around him. his brothers hustle over to help him and patch him up (despite him just trying to overwrite the universe). despite everything he's still family and they love him dearly. amy tries to walk over and help, but sonic growls at her animalistically, pupils pinning and ears flat on his head. it is a very clear nonverbal Don't Fucking Touch Me.

but she's the one with the first aid kit. so she has to kind of toss it over to the boys, and sonic seems incredibly apprehensive about accepting any help from amy, direct or indirect. he's wary of the supplies, but in his condition, he has no choice but to let his brothers patch him up with the enemy's gauze. they end up hauling him over to tails' place, and he is NOT happy about it. he says to amy directly that as soon as he gets the chance he is going to find her and kill her. shadow is like ok edgelord lets get you to the cot

i don't think sonic would start from scratch. he can't. he's been affected too deeply by his experiences. the process of him even accepting that eggman hurt him takes an agonizingly long time, and it's made worse by amy overstepping and trying to play therapist. she tells him over and over, your dad hurt you, you are traumatized, you've been abused, and he isn't in a place to hear that. it feels like accusations. it feels like she's telling him that he's wrong, his whole self, it's all wrong. it makes his anger flare up violently.

he thinks that he must have done something to deserve what eggman did, and even then, he can't accept that what eggman did was hurting him at all, let alone intended to hurt.

the bitterness of seeing his brothers thriving and happy without him feels even worse now that he's with them, experiencing what's been making them so happy. but he comes around, he starts participating in silly games and movie night and starts to sit down at dinner instead of hiding away to eat, and it's all to spend time with his bros.

they have to reintroduce him to other people slowly, like letting two cats sniff each other through a door and share meals on different sides of a grate. eating adjacent to amy or tails or knuckles or the chaotix, sitting safely between silver and shadow. playing split screen mario kart and letting tails watch. training together like old times, except they have to take turns with other members of the resistance. it breaks down sonic's tough shell little by little.

once sonic starts being (very cautiously) neutral instead of actively hostile, people start feeling more comfortable doing nice things for him. sending him memes, getting him surprise clown-related trinkets they know he'd love, maybe even getting him some new funky clothes because they thought of him. he doesn't know how to feel about this, doesn't know how to accept gestures like this, but shadow and silver have been through the same learning curve and help him through it. the strange feeling of belonging starts to grow stronger.

he starts to get more comfortable. he wasn't getting new hurts, but something was still making him ache.

i don't know what would do this, what would finally crack through that thick wall of self-protection and brainwashing, but there's a very sudden and abrupt realization that eggman hurt him. eggman was making him hurt. the thought of him made him upset. i imagine he would just cry. he would feel the weakest he's ever felt in his whole life, the most broken, the most small. maybe it's finally experiencing safety that makes him realize just how unsafe he was.

i truly don't think he'd be all gung-ho about being good. he'd just... i don't know. waste away in his room and feel Bad for a bunch of years. self-isolate to hell and back to avoid pain and thus cause his extroverted heart even more pain. then, i dunno, he'd run around and try to keep himself entertained, meet new people. but he wouldn't work to fix his mistakes like shadow and silver would; i don't think he'd ever take full responsibility for his actions. but he'd avoid being a fucked up little evil guy as to not hurt more people. and he would try his best not to think about his little "evil phase", put it out of mind. he's sonic. he suppresses, and he keeps barreling forward.

i think the best anyone could hope for is him just running around and seeing the world and going to carnivals and jumping out of planes and eating a bunch of food. not doing good, not saving people. just thrill seeking and self fulfillment without the violence or industrial expansion. he'd never fully emotionally mature, but he'd at least be happy and mostly harmless.

too bad that's not how he actually turns out.

[ryvbomin]

{ rae, 21, cst, she/her } —— welcome to infinite entertainment! it's ryu bomin, who is a vocal coach. i’ve heard whispers that the twenty-eight year old is pretty strong -willed but lowkey judgmental. also, doesn’t he remind you of byun baekhyun?

hello hello !! a quick lil mun intro before getting into bomin's business. i'm rae, ur local veteran exo-l, she/her & in cst !! i am so unprepared for this rn ive been so busy but pls give this a ♡ if u would like to plot !!

tw: drug addiction, stalking

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

born to a 19 year old sex worker on october 28th of 1994, making him a scorpio sun, leo moon, with a capricorn rising.

after finding out she was pregnant, she decided to move in with her aunt and they would raise bomin together.

his mother didn't know the father, so she reached out to every rich client she had & got as much money as she could so she could try and give her child the life she'd never had.

from a young age, he showed an affinity for music.

when he entered school, he joined any musical extracurricular they had available. he was a natural at everything music related.

he eventually began busking at 13 to earn some extra money for his mom and aunt.

he was approached by a scout for a relatively unknown company, he at first thought it was a scam but after some encouragement from his aunt he decided to take the scout up on his offer.

he trained for five years at this company, even dropping out of school to focus on training while working.

in 2012 when he was 18 he debuted in a six member group named apollo (based on b.a.p, daehyun vc) where he was the main vocalist & face of the group.

known for his mischievous behavior amongst fans, he quickly became the most popular member.

his group quickly gained massive success and put their company on the map.

bomin had a massive issue with sasaengs during the height of his success, but his company refused to take action because "any press was good press"

the company became greedy and withheld pay from him and his members, paying them next to nothing for the work they had put in.

however, in 2014, the six members filed a lawsuit against their company saying their company had not paid them.

the group entered a hiatus until 2015 and eventually a settlement was reached, but bomin still decided to leave the group.

he floated around different entertainment companies for three years, attempting a solo debut that gained little to no attention.

bomin had become bitter and jaded about the industry. he was always angry and could never seem to calm down.

he eventually began to abuse cocaine, which didn't help his anger but certainly distracted him enough to prevent his anger from coming out.

he periodically released music on soundcloud, but never anything else.

he was living off the settlement from the lawsuit and the bit of money he had earned from his solo career until early 2023, when it began to run out due to his addiction and lavish lifestyle.

bomin decided to reenter the industry, but not as an idol, as a vocal coach. he figured he had enough experience to help guide the new generation of idols down the right path while providing them top tier vocal training.

he reached out to infinite during their tour and was hired during it, he stayed back for a good majority of it but was spotted with idols a lot during the final leg.

currently, bomin has been california sober for four months. (if u dont know california sober is only drinking and smoking weed)

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

bomin can best be described as a butt head. like im so serious rn

he's stubborn as shit and sarcastic, if u make a typo in a text he will not let it go unnoticed.

fights for what he believes in always, part of the reason the lawsuit took over a year to settle.

a bit of a hopeless romantic, but always unlucky in relationships.

tough love is his thing. bullying too but in a caring way.

has no problem being annoying. he knows how to push people's buttons and will do so when he's bored.

while he can be obnoxious as shit, he is also very loyal.

defend his friends tooth and nail if anyone fucks with them

big white dad at a bbq energy when hes with his friends

feminist icon, he tends to be more comfortable around women as well. no specific reason he just thinks theyre really pretty and nice and he likes women so much (he just like me fr)

bisexual but w a strong female lean

hes chaotic in the same way taemin from shinee is

in another life hes a lawyer he loves arguing so much

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

pls give me an ex!!!! romantic or even an ex best friend, i need his mean side to come out tbh

his adopted child, an idol that's about 4+ years younger than him who he is so stressed about always

his apprentice, someone who thinks he's so cool and he wants to teach them everything he knows

maybe someone who used to stan apollo (bonus points if he was their bias)

someone who helps him stay as sober as he can be

a ride or die, his best friend in the whole wide world

literally anything

literally everything

[onlineproblems]

@jjohnnyutah okay I'm out of the shower. here goes, the xfiles word vomit

i wish i remembered more of season 1 and i guess 2 but i started watching like a year ago and i wasnt sure how i felt about it at the time and sort of half paid attention to the majority of the episodes. i plan to rewatch anyway but most of my excitement for the show peaked around mid-late season 2, when i felt like i knew what was going on (that didnt last) and i understood the dynamics between all the characters.

nobody could ever guess /s but i ADORE scully. i love and identify with her repressed catholic/survivors guilt and inability to express herself and the way she puts too much of herself into a quest that wasn't even hers to start with. and then finally opens up and leaves her shell and gets to be silly later in the show with a wry, dry humor that complements mulder's goofiness.

i think the baby arc is one of the dumbest things i've ever seen (not that i've seen all of it yet, but jesus it's so dumb). maybe it's because i'm a bitter childless hag but i dont relate to her intense desire to have children and i feel like when she got pregnant the writers absolutely mauled her personality to death. ffs they already put her through every other torture they could devise, why not a lobotomy? everyone knows motherhood makes you weak-willed and stupid. i mean im exaggerating but it's because the anger is fresh lol.

I'm so so scared to watch the revival because i don't want it to warp my nostalgic understanding of the characters. i love them and want them to live forever in a little bubble in Vancouver, fighting the moth men (yes that ep was so good) and getting up to shenanigans while CSM and Krycek does his incompetent bullshit off to the side.

I've seen several people talk about Jewish Mulder and i think the idea makes a lot of sense, and didn't they even reference it a time or two in the show? like the ep with the golem? i got mad when they gave him a Christian burial lol.

i like mulder's appreciation for the beauty in the weird and how he doesn't give a shit for what anyone thinks of him except Scully. i like that he's so wrapped up in the wonders out there but is also staunchly atheistic.

i didn't want Samantha's disappearance to be solved because it seemed like such a trite ending to mulder's trauma and the ultimate mystery in his life. i guess it was a good enough solution, but her abduction was what fueled him and gave him meaning and to wrap it up with a bow felt...idk, dismissive almost. i wanted closure for him but not necessarily answers. if your life's meaning is to search for answers, and suddenly you can have all the answers to the universe, where do you find meaning then? I may not be making sense lmao

and i think that's when i enjoy the x files most, when it's not trying to package things all neatly. maybe it's trying to ask a question, or maybe it's just trying to have fun, or both, but it's not trying too hard. the mythology is too much for me and frankly detracts from my enjoyment of... it. they wanted something epic and mysterious and then couldn't make any sense out of their own cryptic bullshit.

self-contained episodes like clyde bruckman, asking a question about determinism and big stuff like that without getting preachy or condescending, are excellent.

there's a hundred other things i could say but... that's enough for now lol.

[starcrossedjedis]

ok ok so I’m relatively new to the Sun/Mira-verses (also, fellow OP(LA) fan, hi) and as soon as I saw the name “Gol D. Mira” I was like hell yes (give that man a daughter I love it!!) but now I’m curious… as a certified Ace Stan™️ does he factor in to your canon at all?

First of all, hey hi welcome ❤️

Second of all I'm welcoming you're with bitter disappointment, because Ace and Sun/Mira are very ships in the night in both verses (and yes I am sad about it 😢)

Imma put it under a cut though for those who are not up to speed with the Ace of it all and don't want ot spoiled 😉

Mira in a way has it better, because she never meets him and doesn’t even know he exists until after he's dead.

When Shanks found him he was going to find her (because they were... not together for very sad, dramatic reasons), but when he tried to - pretty much literally - shake her location out of Buggy, the clown let it slip that it was probably for the best if he stayed away (also for very dramatic and sad reasons^^).

So of course she is saddened to learn that she lost a brother she didn’t even know existed, but it doesn't affect her that much tbh.

Sun lived in Windmill Village for years and only leftover a while after Garp moved Luffy from the village. So yes, she knows the weird kid trying to pick fights over "what if Gol D Roger had a kid? 😡", but she doesn't pay him much mind, because she doesn’t know anything about her own parentage, so why would she assume that they could somehow be related (especially when he is the spitting image of their father while she looks like her mother)?

Other than her Oro Jackson!verse counterpart though, she is at Marinefold when shit hits the fan - more to make sure that Luffy doesn’t get himself killed trying to save Ace than to actually aid in his rescue. Things go about as great as you'd expecting and in the end Ace is dead, Luffy shipped off somewhere is in catatonic shock and Sun finds herself gravely injured aboard the Red Force - mourning her personal loss and the factually that her reunion with Shanks is aa far from what she always imagined it than possible.

It's days before she even allows anyone other than the doctor to see her (although she has a feeling that Shanks comes and sits with her at night) and so it's only after Ace's funeral that she learns the truth about her own past and parentage and her relation to him. And amongst the many things she feels (mostly anger and borderline hatred at Shanks for keeping all this from her) she also feels sad and angry and guilty that she missed her brother's funeral because she was too busy "feeling sorry for herself" (and also injured and all that so it's not like she was being petuliant or anything, it's just more misplaced anger that has nowhere to go).

To cut a long story short - I am so sorry to disappoint an Ace Stan™️ but we're at minimal Ace capacity here 🙈

[multi-lefaiye]

kennedy playlist essay

ok here we go, gamers

so the kennedy playlist isn't long. it's one of my shortest playlists. but i wanted to explain every song in it <3 some of these explanations will be redacted for spoiler reasons. anyway.

for each song i'll explain why it's in there, and then share some of my favorite/most fitting lyrics.

so i'm just gonna go in order <3 starting under the cut!

fire - kimya dawson

so this song just really vibes with the themes i have planned for kennedy, centering around like. forcing down your depression and pain in the face of all the darkness in the world. kennedy is the kind of person who wants to spread light and joy, but he very much struggles to accept any of that for himself. half the reason he runs an advice blog is because he wants to help others more than anything else, but he doesn't think he deserves the same in kind.

this is further exacerbated by the problems mounting in kennedy's hometown, which are just a small snapshot of much larger issues. i also think this song works well with kennedy's growing bitterness and anger, especially towards those in power who are abandoning the people under their care! something something direct comparisons between kennedy fighting to care for their younger brother vs politicians abandoning their people! it's a lot.

the lyrics i want to highlight:

My heart will stop if I put out the fire As long as I'm burning I'll keep on yearning To save the world Not sure how but I'm learning

my mom - kimya dawson

this song i take a bit less literally in terms of what it's actually meant to be about, but i relate this song so so much to kennedy's family. the first verse is literally just kennedy's terror at losing owen, the only family he has left and the one person he would die to protect.

i also actually still haven't decided what happened to their parents, but their parents are gone. kennedy is the only adult left in this household and they never processed their grief. and they're going to do everything they can for their brother. owen won't go through the same pain kennedy is. not if they have anything to say about it.

also the imagery just vibes with some plans i have for later.

the lyrics i want to highlight:

All the people's mouths are moving All you hear are car alarms And you wake up and start to cry I will lose my shit if even one more person I know dies So please don't die

runs in the family - amanda palmer

this one i don't have a lot in mind for deep analysis for, but yeah kennedy has a lot of mental health issues they are straight up not receiving any care or support for. it's killing them, but they won't take care of themself the way they take care of others if it means they have to *stop* taking care of those around them.

not to say that no one is trying, but kennedy is determinedly like "no i'm fine, other people have it worse, and there are bigger issues than me."

the lyrics i want to highlight:

My friend's depressed, she's a wreck, she's a mess They've done all sorts of tests and they guess it has something to do With her grandmother's grandfather's grandmother Civil war soldiers who prob'ly infected her

the daughter of the fish and the ram - the scary jokes

so this is kind of a funky weird song, but i relate it to kennedy's self-image issues. this isn't something that's going to be obvious b/c kennedy doesn't dwell on it, but yeah. they do not like themself. like i think in a different story, kennedy's arc would center a lot around learning to accept and love himself. unfortunately, though, that's not the world he lives in.

i actually was thinking about like. writing a different/au story with kennedy going on that arc. we'll see though! but yeah for a variety of reasons, kennedy feels like a fundamentally broken person and that's just. how it is.

the lyrics i want to highlight:

"Sadly, you were doomed from the start There's an incurable longing in your heart And not even magic Can fix that"

the spine song - cake bake betty

i would explain this one in a bit more depth, but uh. well. you see. it's mostly vibes. and a little bit Spoilers. but this relates very much to kennedy towards the end of his arc, when he's hopeless and anguished.

the lyrics i want to highlight (b/c i know they'll make at least bat scream):

On your birthday you woke up The snow was on the ground You opened books and peeked inside They kissed you on your crown

a deer mistaking candles for headlights - crywank

so i relate this song a lot to kennedy's relationship to some of his friends. i have a whole list of them and little blurbs about their relationships saved in my personal server. i think this especially relates to his friend franklin, who he'll refer to as 'turtle' at first on his blog. (kennedy uses fake names for everyone to protect their privacy.)

so i'll say right now. romance is not the endgame for kennedy's canon storyline. BUT i do love the tragedy of "maybe in another time, in another place, we could've been beautiful." and that's kinda how i sum up franklin and kennedy in my mind.

i won't go into it more than that rn though <3

the lyrics i want to highlight:

Does the blank stare scare you more than the frown? Am I the reason that you feel down? Distant but rational, bringer of rage To get to a level where I will engage

ghost story - charming disaster

franklin and kennedy <3 i won't say anything else because if i do i'm gonna start tearing up.

i'm just gonna highlight these lyrics:

Since the day they told me he was gone Haunts me faithfully from dusk till dawn Hear him whisper sweetly in my ear Can’t you see we got a good thing here

a complete list of fears ages 5-28 - the yellow dress

this one's pretty straightforward. kennedy has been through a Lot they don't talk about, and they've had a lot to be afraid of in their life. at heart, kennedy is an anxious, stressed person, struggling to keep a tight lid on that anxiety. however. lately, most of kennedy's fears relate to owen.

will owen be safe? will owen be happy? will owen have enough to eat? if anything happens to kennedy, what happens to owen?

kennedy is terrified he won't be able to protect and care for his brother, and that impacts everything he does. he'd do anything for owen, and that's a big driving force for him.

also yeah i know this song is more about romance but it's my house and this is about someone providing for and being terrified that something might happen to their younger sibling <3

the lyrics i wanna highlight:

And here's a picture of the house I'd like to build for us someday This may seem unrealistic, I'm not very good with my hands If we had to we could buy it, or keep renting like we do Borrow money from our parents, pool our money me and you

never love an anchor - the crane wives

well if i explain this one in any depth i'll be spoiling the climax for kennedy's arc won't i-

i'll just say. kennedy would never willingly leave owen behind or abandon him. that's just not in the cards. but uh. well. sometimes you don't always get a choice.

anyway highlighting these lyrics:

There are times where I still wonder about you You are someone I have loved but never known And you’ll never see the reasons I had For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you

we will commit wolf murder - of montreal

so i relate this song a lot to like. kennedy's outlook and attitude towards humanity as a whole and the people around him. because kennedy sees the darkness in the world, all the pain and suffering people are forced through. and it kills him, because at heart he believes humanity *is* inherently good.

i heard a quote once, idk where it's from, but it was like. "you love humanity so much that you hate them for what they do to each other." that's a big vibe with kennedy as a character. i do want there to be a lot of hope in this story, even amid the hopelessness. because, yes, the world has terrible people in it, but it also has so so many good people. that's something kennedy wholeheartedly believes in.

anyway <3 highlighting these lyrics:

I tried to understand his logic But there's just no pattern there No sympathetic voices anywhere There's blood in my hair

angel eyes and basketball - foot ox

once again i relate this song a lot to kennedy's hope for the world around him, and his belief that things can and will get better--we just need to work for them to happen. the same goes for people--people can and will get better, but that requires effort. it also requires community: no one person can change things for the better without help or without cooperation. and that's what kennedy strives for.

also the imagery in the first few lines makes me think so much of [redacted for spoilers].

lyrics to highlight:

And you have to believe me when I say I understand that no one around here seems to understand But you have got to make an effort Yeah you have got to make an effort

community gardens - the scary jokes & louie zong

so apparently this song may be part of a larger storyline? i'm taking it out of context, though.

but anyway <3 this relates pretty directly to the themes in kennedy's story relating to the environment and the local politics of that. like the lines i'm highlighting i relate very directly to how things get worse and worse due to [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]

highlighting thees lyrics:

The culmination of man's mistakes came the day The sun ran so hot, it turned the desert to glass If there's something to be learned from all these losers It's that the price that you pay For arrogance and a false sense of immunity Is to face the wrath of a dying star

es - crying

i relate this song a lot to kennedy feeling like an outcast among people, even among those he's closest to. he has friends and he has people he loves, but is he *really* part of the group? also this feels like a very trans song to me for reasons that idk how to explain rn, so i associate it with a lot of trans characters. kennedy is certainly Trans Of Gender. do i have anything to back that up? not off the top of my head. but here we go.

i do also wanna go ahead and say that i very much recognize that this song draws on at least the lead singer's experiences as an east asian person (tentatively saying person b/c i'm not actually sure on their gender and finding conflicting sources), and kennedy as a white character is not going to reflect a lot of those experiences. however, i think this song still vibes with him in a lot of ways.

anyway the lyrics i want to highlight:

Mom doesn't think I fit into the darling archetype But that's an ancient pair of jeans And my thighs are crafted holy rolling thunder Forget the numbers, forget the numbers please

my r - specifically the lollia cover

SO HERE WE ARE. THIS SONG. god this song. big big cw for suicide if you're not familiar with it.

so this song is essentially about a suicidal girl trying to talk other people out of suicide. and y'know what. that vibes with kennedy. he is suffering but has devoted himself entirely to helping others who are suffering, while not accepting any of that help for himself. and WELL if i keep going i'll get into spoilers <3

so anyway here's the lyrics i'm highlighting:

And like that, there was someone every day I listened to their tale I made them turn away And yet there was no one who would do this for me No way I could let out all this pain

st bernard - lincoln

i mean this is truly the angsty blorbo song of all time. very multipurpose.

so i tie this song a little bit into some of the more. for lack of a better term. the bummer themes in kennedy's storyline. because while i want this story to be very hopeful in a lot of ways, it's also a bummer. specifically the idea that like... kennedy is full of love and hope and light, but ultimately he's just one person, and one person can't stop all the problems in the world. this is something that weighs on them quite a bit.

and yeah i also think a lot about like. ghgh i wanna talk about The Ending but i can't </3 spoilers </3 but i will say the ending is going to intentionally be very ambiguous. and i'm just gonna... highlight some lyrics for it.

Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you But he's got his own things to deal with There's really just one thing that we have in common: Neither of us will be missed

[separatist-apologist]

Lol you did tell people not to argue so I had that coming. Also want to preface this by saying I’m not trying to fight at all, I just think it’s fun to talk about the books with other people who have strong opinions! So if it feels like a fight and not a fun discussion feel free to ignore!!

Honestly I agree with everything you said, you make some great points! And overall, I do like Chaol as a character. But my feelings for him change a lot depending on the book, so like in QoS, I’m not his biggest fan. My biggest problem is that he seems to hold it against Celaena that she left them, but like he’s the one who sent her away!

They’re definitely all flawed characters but I think it’s easier for people to dislike the patriotic boy because I think the things people don’t like about him relate more to real people we know. Like he doesn’t feel as much like a fantasy guy who’s actions we can excuse as he does just some guy from the gym, you know? But he does have one of the best character arcs and I really like the journey he goes on. Honestly one of my favorite things about sjm is her focus on mental health and really fleshing that out.

Also I second the other anon, I think you are going to LOVE his love interest. I think she has a lot of similiar traits to Elain and she is very funny.

Sorry this is so long! And I hope you don’t feel attacked or anything, I just like discussing! I am very much enjoying hearing all your thoughts as you go through the series! 💕

I think Dorian says it best when he tells Chaol that he can't pick and choose the parts of her he loves, which Chaol is definitely guilty of doing. He wants her to be someone more compatible. In CoM he has this moment that made me roll my eyes were he's imagining her as his wife and the children they'd have and I was like...CELEANA?

Chaol and Celeana deeply misunderstand the other AND idealize their good traits to a near obsessive degree. Chaol is honorable and good and Celeana is drive and compassionate and the two of them are drawn to the other for those reasons, while ignoring, in my opinion, all the many, MANY things that make them a bad match. I think I can forgive them because they're young and they're grappling still with the hurt of their first love. If they'd ever been honest with themselves, they would have known that.

I also think Chaol resents that she never told him the truth about who she was (even though I think her reasons for not telling him were valid). Once he realizes who and what she is, he knows it NEVER would have worked and sometimes when I read his thoughts I empathize with his bitterness. She kept a lot of secrets from him, and while her reasons are valid, I think his anger toward her is, too. He also fell in love with her and I think Chaol is so pragmatic that had he known who she was, he never would have let himself get that far. I do think he feels betrayed and I think his betrayal is justified. Chaol wanted to live his life in the palace, serving Dorian, and being in Rifthold and once she tells him the truth, all the hope he's clung to is finally destroyed. Like up until that moment, even knowing she was fae, I think he was holding on to the hope they'd figure it out and come back to each other.

I also understand what you mean about him being like, a regular dude- but the world is made up of regular dudes. The amount of Celeana's are few and far between- most of us are Chaol's. Ordinary people who value peace and security and want to believe the world is good and just. And I think what I like about Chaol is being able to see someone with little power rise above his helplessness and still do the right thing even when it's hard.

[mxdotpng]

You’ve mentioned Tear a few times recently (mostly in relation to missed potential, which. Mood), so I was wondering if there was anything in particular you’d be willing to talk about

oh there is so much about tear i could talk about. i think she is one of my favorite of the protagonists in the game because of how she matches luke so much -- she is like if luke had turned out differently. i can perfectly see a version of herself that succumbs to anger and bitterness over trying to become a perfect soldier. she has had so much taken away and has been put into a place where she can only be so much. just like luke. the person that understands her the most in the world, and the person she understands most in the world, is her enemy, and he has to die. which, like i said earlier, parallels luke and asch. a lot. her understanding of her own life versus thousands is so special... like, i think that scene of her crying after the doctor told her she was going to die is her best scene. it says so much about her. and then later when she switches places with luke - becoming the person who watches someone slowly die rather than being them. her kindness and understanding are so important and integral to her character that they mean so much.

but then i also think they didn't use her as much as they should have. van was her brother and the person that raised her. he was the only family she had. if anyone should have understood why luke had looked up to him so much it would have been tear. if anyone could understand luke's hesitance to kill van it would have been her. she has seen the exact same things he had after all -- the kindness and the pride and the love. they were not a lie, no matter how much van wanted it to look like it was. i really do love the differences between tear and natalia -- how tear was ready to kill van, but natalia was not ready to kill largo. but i really think they should have shown us tear getting to that part, much like how they showed luke coming to terms with wanting to live, even though he has to die.

i wish we got to see more of her and guy, being one of the only people left from hod. after guy had seen and fought mary, and after she had died. with tear talking to him about how she could understand -- if she had to see her dead mother and fight against her, how she wouldnt be able to stand it. i wish we got to see more of her and natalia, like i said earlier, because they are in such similar positions they need that comfort in each other.

i liked what we saw with her and legretta, but - and while this isnt technically about tear - legretta not showing anything towards tear in response felt so insulting and it felt so meaningless. there was no point in setting up those scenes with tear and legretta if there would be no conclusion to it.

i wish we got to see more of her sillier sides. i love that she's afraid of ghosts. every time she thought of mieu as cute was something so special. these tiny moments where she acts like an actual teenage girl and not a soldier. i wish we got to see her mourn over the fact she is a soldier- or someone else mention it in her stead.

even then i still love her so much. i don't know why i've been thinking about her so much recently but she's a constant in my mind right now.

[maryacore]

okay would be too bad if i let this rot on pdb so longread on why emperor belos isn't an isfj (with some good old character analysis sprinkled in)

starting point here is that i type him as an istj sx1w2sp 146 but i'm too lazy to explain the sx1 part rn so let's focus on istj vs isfj. disclaimer everything i that say is my personal opinion and reading of the character.

first off i don't se him exhibiting aux fe at all as fe cares about the relationships and obligations, its main function being basically to pick up on the behaviours of people around and help dom si relate to them more effectively (to not get stuck up in the systems it builds). i agree that the "poor self-awareness" aspect that people usually attribute to fe is definitely there, but for me it's rather about the struggle of tert fi. aux te seems more probable to me because his general approach to life is less focused on people and more focused on plans, him openly admitting that he lied to people once his plan comes into the next stage where he doesn't need to uphold the lie anymore and failing to take into account how those people might react to having been deceived is one example of that. also te's quick spur of the moment actions and reactions in dealing with people (him to hunter in hollow mind and to collector+kikimora in king's tide as prominent examples), again - more concerned with the best outcome for the plan at all times and not hesitant to discard people he normally sees as valuable assets (and maybe, in case with hunter, even feels some emotional attachment towards) just for it to work in the long run, and fixation on long-term goals to an unhealthy extent where literally no hardship that the unfamiliar and hostile outside world poses and no inner emotional turmoil (of confusion, anger, spite, guilt, maybe something along the lines of bitter nostalgia as well) can stop him from pursuing them (him weaving for himself this net of delusion, hypocrisy and god complex, relying on si and te to develop it further through the survival- and goal-oriented routine and way of life, not giving himself a moment of time to assess how he really feels about all this, and fi getting squashed into the annoying voice in the back of the head, the one of little philip crying for his brother to come back).

and as for him "wanting to harmonize everyone/for everyone to share his values" take, i don't think this is a case at all due to the fact that him being a prophet was not the plan all along, he thrust himself in this position when he realized that this way he could achieve his goal of exterminating the realm (+ i feel like he enjoyed the aspect of it where he, an enlightened human being, ruled over this unholy savage mass and brought order into their wretched meaningless lives). and, surprise, te users can also feign being nice to people and read people's behaviour/soft spots to manipulate them, the absence of fe being evident especially as him "relating" to people always comes from a very personal place, he's chronically unable to see different perspectives rather than his own, and all his "what people want to hear" lies and almost-truths are pretty half-baked and fall apart the moment it stops being convenient for him to keep lying.

also, the way i see it, he doesn't actually want to "save humanity from evil" as much as to a) destroy the place that took his brother from him and b) prove himself/be seen as a hero and obtain some authority in an abusive environment he came from (which functioned in an "eat or be eaten" fashion), though this is one more of the lies he tells himself - that he fights for a cause, that there's a noble purpose to what he plans on doing, and that the whole thing doesn't stem from a place of him feeling deeply hurt and betrayed. the "can't reason with crazy" moment goes here as well btw - the way i see his character, it's less about him looking down on luz as she doesn't understand his logic and much more about him dismissing her point of view altogether, refusing to admit that he is, in fact, an evil monster, and that he did this to himself in the first place, turning himself into something even worse than a witch (which, the fact that he doesn't realize this and clings onto his humanity until the very end in itself is a very te-ish "us vs them" mindset, where "we" are inherently good and "they" are inherently evil, as opposed to fe that would try to understand the "enemy force" and get into the details of how their minds function and what they care about) as a consequence of him being unable to let go of what he sees as the boiling isles leading his brother astray and taking away the only family he had, indirectly leading to him killing caleb. basically tldr to that is deep down he doesn't actually believe that what he's doing has a noble purpose, so tert ti isn't really plausible either.

of course he's a multifaceted personality and i haven't even touched on the grimwalkers here but umm there's that.

[pyotan]

Just blips of the past! not really going anywhere with this!

Charge

“You must learn that this world intends to starve you. The weak will die.” Words of his mother, it had been instilled in Ljos and his many siblings at a young age that they must fight to survive. 

For if one does not succumb to starvation, it will be other things deprived that are necessary for survival. 

From scraps of food to torn fabrics meant for warmth and just basic decency, everything was a battle. And it was one that Ljos had often lost. 

Truly, if it were not for the humane heart of his eldest brother, then he would have died from malnourishment or the cold of night long ago. 

So weak, so docile. So quick to just accept his place as nothing. Ljos could feel no connection with his kin outside of his brother.

For at some point, their violent shoves and childish-threats just left the veena entirely numb and apathetic. Their actions as well as the lack of paternal care at all, Ljos just could not care to fight for his place in this world any longer.

“You are weak and yet you still live.” Words of his older brother and only to Ljos.. In this memory, this moment, the child is cradled to be given further warmth during a harsh blizzard. Their home being nothing more than a literal roof and walls, there is only so much insulation.. 

A tender stroke to his mess of hair, this is the only moment in which the veena can find himself being cared for. And because of such, this is precious.. “You do not have to be strong, you clearly still have a purpose to make it this far.”

A quiet sniffle, the bitter cold sharp to breathe in but at the same time, there is a bit of ease with the honeyed-musk of his brother’s warmth. “Though what yours is, I cannot say. But Ljos, do not be so quick to give in. Take charge in your own way.” 

Period

The time spent with his brother had felt short, however.

Ljos is not sure how many years he’d been allowed this connection, but it will never feel enough. 

It’s only natural, his brother having died in a scavenge gone wrong. Lightwarden. A common way to go, Ljos had blocked that period of his life out for the most part. For many, many moons  of it was spent with his mother’s lectures of the weak, her calling him such.

It was her own way to mourn and cope, but it only infuriated the young veena. 

“Take charge, take charge..” He would mutter as if a mantra, for it both controlled that anger and his want to join his brother. ‘I am weak but for some reason.. I am here.. So it’s.. Okay..’

Distance

There is no connection and at a certain age, one cannot care to try anymore. This had been mutual between Ljos and his siblings.. With the death of their beloved brother, there just was no bridge of protection there anymore. Nothing, no reason. 

‘Take charge.’

Finally, Ljos does such.. Abandoning his kin to start alive of his own.. or so he had wished.

Hours out in what is deemed as night, Ljos had come to realize that he truly has nothing to even begin supporting him. No money, no relations. Nothing. With drooped ears of disappointment does he make his way back home.. having not been noticed or missed in the first place.

[westmoor]

every now and then someone will tap on my pinned post and then go on to like a couple of the non-geraskier/completely platonic ficlets on there and i want u to know nothing makes me happier