#because it doesnt fully relate

[xxplastic-cubexx]

i'd like to address the allegations that Charles is a dummy for cutting about in a METAL wheelchair when his nemesis is MAGNETO. Yes, Erik can at any time yeet Charles around by the chair. He also knows that as soon as he touches the chair, he has lost. As soon as he even THINKS about grabbing the chair in anything but a life or death situation, he puts himself in timeout in the south pole.

charles may be a dummy for putting faith in magneto Not to be a menace and yet its the trust he has in erik not to do him harm despite how easy it'd be ..... power move if you think about it ....

[cowboy-robooty]

In what you based your vision of italy and/or itager?

People like italy does even exist?

I think fundamentally speaking the world of hetalia does not work like ours. this is obvious because of mf countries being humans but i mean also on philosophical level too like i think if ghouls were real then tokyo ghoul could probably happen. if countries cultures were humanized hetalia would still not be able to occur. Unless we completely deconstructed our sensibilities and reshaped them from the ground up, looney tunes would never be real and something around the same can be said for hetalia. Although I think hetalia is slightly more leaning towards being able to be real compared to looney tunes; it's a sliding scale and hetalia is around where the muppets are at in terms of their sensibilities working in real life. Actually the more I think about it the more I do believe that people with hetalia-like sensibilities do exist, but they're incredibly rare and fucking crazy. Since I dont live hetalia life but i have lived always sunny in philadelphia in real life which is arguably even more implausible of happening. Like bro have you ever read the wikipedia page for the guy who holds the guiness world record for being struck my lightning the most times. that shit is fucking crazy i genuinely believe he was being hunted down a malovelent force and i dont believe in god or anything like that tbh but if i had to then i would say that is probably the second biggest red flag i have ever seen of a higher entity being real. So anyways I think if the bullshit he endured happened then someone having the same disposition and sensibilities as hetalia italy isn't that far out there actually. our world is magical and wonderful isnt it!! :D

Taking this into account, my vision of Itager plays by these rules (warped sensibilities). I think that if someone like Italy is real, then he is not going to be meeting anybody who likes Hetalia because Italy would not be into this gay shit. And i don't think italy could be considered himself anymore if we put him in the same mindset as a normal person in our society; he actually has to genuinely be like the person he is in the show. It's a tall order, but i do think that is reasonable and something that could feasibly happen with how many crazy and insane things that can happen on his planet, you just need to seek these things out! I'm sorry if this is hard to understand with my wording because I also started writing this long ago and kept forgetting to finish. BUT THANK YOU FOR SENDING AN ASK LIKE THIS I REALLY LOVE IT. I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY YOU CARE! <3

[fridgevespidae]

honestly, i dont really know how any of the language around dermatographism works. esp since the like cute 'skin writing' stuff that shows up when i look it up doesnt quite match my experience or even what the allergist told me was going on. i mean i think its the same thing still but i think i just got an unlucky edition of it so i dont know how to even word anything bc looking things up for it is challenging. either way, its acting up rn and just more often lately and i frankly have no clue why

[ms-all-sunday]

i say this with so much heart, one piece has more respect for mentally ill people being a dick because of trauma than i would have in that exact situation. like sanji in wci when hes fully being a massive huge wet pathetic asshole that. like. completely justified that nami reacts so negatively to that while the narrative has a lot of empathy for him because i would kill someone in real life if they did that to me. even if it was a beautiful blond haired man and i had been playing heterosexual chicken with him ever since we first met. the self control on nami there is literally neverending.

like its good that this is the case, well written narratives about mental illness should be this empathetic while fully understanding the consequences of someones actions LIKE wci. these two things are so often treated like theyre mutually exclusive but for op they're not. and i love that. but jesus. she really loves him huh.

[skierisa]

UUUUUUUGH WHY ISNT ENGLISH MY NATIVE LANGUAGE AAAAAAA

[kanakori]

some of you will preach media literacy until a song is about a specific kind of queerness and someone interprets it in a different queer way

[arolesbianism]

Sigh. Nikola why must you be one of the more interesting oni characters. I don't wanna think abt you with your stupid spiky blond hair and your unethical science that mostly just serves to make Jackie more shitty by proxy. But I do. Because you're kind of orbo blorbo. Fuck you Nikola I hope you explode again

[inquirenorth]

.

[homophyte]

i want to have a take on the non sexual kink discourse bc talking about sex and sexuality matters to me but i feel rlly lost without the context of the inciting incident of the discourse? it makes sense to me that kink is defined by proximity to sexuality but i dont fully agree with the idea that sexual-ish experiences that are not traditionally considered 'sex' under heterosex must be pulled into a new more expansive definition of sex and other things cant be done with them. like its useful for many things to do that--this is the utility of saying 'sex doesnt have to be genital-focused or in pursuit of orgasm or even pleasure'--and i do think it is bad to base your definition OF sex and what is and isnt sexual around heterosex's definition--ie 'this cant be sex because it wasnt genital-focused or in pursuit of orgasm or even pleasure'. but certainly there are kink and sexual-ish experiences that fall outside of that right. and certainly there are perspectives around non-sexual kink that arent doing that.

[cringelordofchaos]

Do I "not know who I am" or am I just really insecure and am trying to find a mask to put over myself because despite my best efforts to avoid it, my human nature drives me to put an active effort into having a superficial reputation, rather than letting myself just be natural, and be content with myself without feeling the need to let strangers know who or what I could possibly be?

[jackass-jones]

Rebecca gales has bpd she told me herself

[classyrbf]

SHE'S A SUCCUBUS! — CHOSO KAMO

SYNOPSIS...as a sex demon, she can always sense the horny virgin boy who’s dying to lose his virginity

INFO...choso x succubus!reader, sub!choso, virgin!choso, somnophilia, riding, overstim, creampie, oral (m!receiving and f!receiving), slight ass eating, cum eating, doggy, squirting, choso is super needy and eager, not proofread

OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated

Choso always felt left out when his friend would constantly talk about all the girls they’ve been with, all the experiences they had and what crazy shit they always got into. He’d just sit there, silent. He couldn’t relate to them not one bit. The closest he’s ever to having sex is his right hand or a sex toy. No girl ever looked his way, and his confidence was crushed. They’d only go after his friends, practically drooling over them. Not one of them spared a glance towards Choso.

He was begging to lose his virginity, dying to know what real pussy felt like, how soft tits felt in his hands or even some ass. God, don’t even get him started on wondering what it feels like to receive head. His friends swear it’s the best thing ever as long as the girl knows what she’s doing. He always watches porn, the women on their knees, slobbering all over the man dick like it was some divine dessert. He loved watching the way their pussies wrapped around the mans dick, just imagining how wet and warm it is. He was a lost cause. At this point, he was ready to pay someone to take his virginity. Literally.

And just like any other night, he goes back home, ready to fuck his fist to another average porn video before dozing off to sleep. He’s been extremely horny lately, more than usual and he can’t understand why. Not to mention the wet dreams he’s been having, waking up to cum in his pants like he’s a damn teenager. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, feeling the need to cum more and more everyday.

Hours later, he’s fast asleep, tossing and turning as he has another wet dream of someone riding him. He can’t make out her face, but it feels so damn real. Everything does. Even her moans and the weight on top of him. “Mmm,” he hums. His brows furrow. He can even hear the sound of skin on skin. His entire body feels like it’s on fire right now, like he’s been hit with some sort of sex pollen. It’s more intense than ever.

Little does he know it’s not a wet dream, no, it’s you. The succubus who’s been watching him for weeks, feeling his urgency to cum, to lose his virginity. He’s summoned you without even realizing. And now you were riding him, gliding your wet pussy up and down his aching cock while he slept, waiting for the moment he wakes up and realizes he’s no longer a virgin. He twists and turns when you run your clawed nails down his pale skin, smiling at the way he moans and whimpers in his sleep.

Choso couldn’t take this overwhelming feeling anymore, forcing himself to wake up, prying his tired eyes open. But the feeling doesn’t stop. The sounds don’t stop. And certainly the woman is his dreams doesnt disappear when he opens his eyes. “Wha—ah—what? Who…? Oh fuck!” He rasps, eyes darting around the room and over your naked body. “What the fuck? Oh my goddd.” As confused and scared as he is right now, he can’t escape the pleasure coursing through him right now.

“Shhh, shhh, just let me make you feel good. You’ve been dying for this haven’t you? I’m here to give you exactly what you want.” You slightly lean back, spreading your legs to let him get a clear view of the way your pussy sucks his cock in.

He looks at you with awe and confusion, but he can’t help but give in, moaning so sweetly when you fully sink down. “Who…who are you?” He gasps, eyes widen when you clench your pussy around him.

“I know when cute virgins like you wanna lose their virginity. You summoned me, accidentally. You’ve been so worked up lately, huh? Well,” you smile, “that was because of me.” His cock twitches inside of you, your hips bouncing faster and harder, watching the way he mouth falls open.

“Fuck, fuck! It’s feels so good,” he heaves, breathing heavily. His cheeks dusted a light pink. “I don’t wanna cum just yet, please slow down. Please, please—nnghhh, fuckkkk.” Choso didn’t stand a chance, shooting sticky ropes of cum into your pussy, his entire body quivering with how intense his orgasm was. “Please, slow down—ah, oh my god. It feels too good—” His eyes rolled into the back of his head as you kept fucking him.

“I’ll keep fucking you till there’s nothing left.” You lean forward, pressing your chest against his, placing your lips on his while you kiss him with such fervor, with such sloppiness. His hands reach down, gripping the plush flesh of your ass. He swears he’s in heaven right now. This can’t be real. No way a sex demon was taking his virginity right now. His dick was so sensitive, but still so hard. He knew he had so much cum left, the only thoughts he had were to fill you up over and over until it was dripping out.

He felt like he was losing his mind, fucking him so hard, creating a sloppy mess where you two met just so you can get him to cum again. Your devilish yet sweet giggles send chills up his spine and straight down to his already throbbing dick. With labored breaths, and his heart rattling against his rib cage, he already knows he’s going to cum again. So soon. “Come don’t hold back on me. I want it all,” you growl in his ear. “I’ll do whatever it takes to empty you dry and fuck you stupid.”

His trembling fingers grip onto your ass harder as he cries out, broken moans swallowed by your kisses and he can’t help but cum again, filling up your tight pussy to the brim. You pull away from the heated kiss looking at the way his hazy eyes stare up at you with such desperation. You halt the movement of your hips and get up from his lap. “No, no, wait. Where are you going?! Please, keep fucking me.” He sits up, watching you get on your knees. Poor thing looks like he’s almost about to cry.

And now he can get a real good view of you. The tail that swayed around and the small little horns that pointed from the top of your head. You really were a sex demon. Your hand took a firm grip on his throbbing cock, his tip leaking like it was begging you to make it cum again. “I can see your thoughts. Your nasty little thoughts.” You run a long stripe from his balls all the way to his tip, licking the excess cum off. Your tongue was freakishly long, but god did it feel so good on him. You spit on his cock, massaging it in as you stroke him, moving your hand in circular motions that make his hips jump. “Say it. I know what you’re thinking.” Your lips curl into a smirk, running the pad of your thumb over his slit.

“Put…put your mouth on it, please,” he says barely above a whisper, too shocked to even form proper words.

“Louder.” You massage his balls with your free hand, earning a guttural groan from him.

“Please, put your mouth on it! Fuck, I wanna know how good it feels!” His lip quivers, his breathing quickening the closer your lips get.

“Good boy.” You smile, darting your tongue out and wrapping it around the base of his cock, swirling it around the head before you take him in your mouth. You stare at him through thick lashes, bobbing your head up and down his thick shaft, spit spilling from the corners of your mouth. Glug, glug, glug.

The sound of you choking on his dick was like music to his hears, taking his all the way down your throat with no problem. How is he supposed to keep up? His brain is fried and his body already feels so weak from cumming two times in a row. But he can’t stop. It’s like you’ve put some kind of spell on him to make him want more. “Shit, I’m all the way in,” he gasps, fall back onto the pillows. You pull him out of your throat, string of saliva connect from your lips to his cock as you continue stroking him. You were so messy, so nasty, but he loved it so fucking much because this is always how he’d picture it.

You spit back on his cock before taking him down your throat again without warning. “Oh my—fuck me, I’m gonna fucking cum again!” He whimpers. His body jolts and his abs tense up at the sensation, pleasure shooting through his body like electricity. He’s so sensitive he can’t help it. His hips buck up into your mouth and next thing he knows, he’s cumming down your throat. “Nnngh shit!” He groans, each orgasm more intense than the last. It’s like as time goes on, he can’t help but get more horny, more greedy.

Within seconds he’s pulling you off his dick on bending you over, pulling your ass in the air. “I’m sorry, I can’t stop, I can’t stop, I can’t,” he’s muttering to himself, sweat dripping down his body. He pushes every inch into you with such ease, like your pussy was made for him. “Feels so good, feels so good I can’t stop stop,” he cries, rummaging his hips into you, fucking hard and fast.

“You’re learning so quickly.” You smile from below him, pushing your ass back against his hips. He watches the way your ass bounces back on his dick and he becomes mesmerized. “That’s it! Fuck me harder. Show me how badly you wanna cum in my pussy again,” you giggle.

Choso pushes your head into the mattress, broken moans falling from his lips. “I need it so badly, so fucking badly.” Your pussy grips him like a vice and he hisses at the tempting feeling.

“Make me squirt all over your cock! Come on, fuck me like you mean it!” You grip the sheets below you, feeling his swollen head press against your sweet spot over and over with each grueling thrust. Upon hearing your words, Choso remembers all those videos he’s watching of girls squirting, and to make you squirt just because of him makes his brain fuzzy. He keeps the same pace, huffing and panting when your pussy grows tighter. “Yes! Yes!” You laugh, sighing in relief when he pulls out and clear liquid shoots from your pussy, coating his cock and sheets.

His eyebrows raise in amazement. “Holy fuck,” he watches the way your pussy leaks before urgently ramming his cock back inside of you. “Do it again. Squirt all over me again! Please! It’s so fucking hot!” He begs as he pounds your pussy like his life depends on it. “Wanna watch you—nnngh—squirt again!”

As if on cue, your pushy gushes around him again, soaking his thighs and his cock and just the sight of it makes him cum so hard he’s toppling over you. “Fuck! I’m cumming!” He thrusts deep inside of you, making sure not to waste even a drop. “Yes, yes!” He huffs, bucking his hips. “I need to taste you, need to fucking—mmm.” He drops to his knees, pulling your ass back against his face while his tongue slurps every drop his cum and your juices, licking through your sloppy folds and sucking on your clit.

“Eager little thing, aren’t you? Such a good, good boy.” You praise, reaching behind you, taking a fistful of his hair and pushing his face deeper into your cunt. His moans at your taste, his free hand reaching down to stroke his swollen and sensitive cock. He moves his tongue up and down, running back and forth between your clit and your ass, and back down to your hole. You quickly pull him away before sitting up.

“Did I do something wrong? Why’d you stop?” He looks at with sad eyes.

“You’re done.” You look down at his cock.

“No, no, I’m not. I promise I still have more. Just keep fucking me, let me eat your pussy or something! Don’t leave!” He pouts, watching you crawl towards him.

“As much as I’d like to keep playing with you, you’re all out of cum, pretty boy.” You smirk. “I’ve got other desperate virgins like you to attend to.” You ghost your lips over his and Choso leans in for a kiss but you pull back from him. “You’re welcome.”

You disappear into a dark corner in his room, like you faded away into it. He runs to turn on his light and sees you’re completely gone. He’s at a loss for words, standing in the middle of his room completely naked. He looks towards his bed, seeing the wet spots you had left. So it was real? No? Yes? He didn’t know what to believe. He accidentally summoned a sex demon to take his virginity. If only he could do it again.

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

yknow I always thought "However OMFD ends, even if its terribly and/or too early, we know they'll all end up as guinea pigs on Circe's Island eventually. They exist in the pjo fandom"

aaaand now OMFD got cancelled, pjo's creator and distributor SUPPORT REAL LIFE ACTUAL IRL NOT A FANDOM NOT A JOKE *GENOCIDE* and tbh the fandom is wayyyy too chill with that. like I did leave the pjo fandom lmao. I left. fuck yall.

uhhhhhhh anyway wow this is a whole russian nesting doll of fuck.

the lesson here is that the effect of late-stage capitalism on media, and the relationship of that dynamic to colonialism and institutionalized violence, exists on multiple levels and cannot be ignored if you are consuming modern media in any way, shape or form

[pwnyta]

The other day I was trying to sleep but instead I thought about what kind of like... super powers Ivo and Stone would have.... which turned into a whole AU.

Like people who have powers are called EVOS. The powers arent necessarily genetic they can just happen in anyone but also relatives tend to have similar powers? Or something. The population is a 50/50 EVO/NonEVO

Theres also no Mobians... theyre just EVO humans in this AU. Sonic Knuckle and Tails just have Speed, Strength, and Flying EVO powers. Shadow has Teleportation.

Ivos power is Amplification. Allowing him to radiate and/or touch someone to power up their EVO power.

When his power is working on others it causes glowing lines to form on the body as well as making the persons eyes glow. If used too much too quickly it can cause someone to lose control.

I wanted his power to be something unrelated to his intelligence but also be a power people would want to exploit with it so I thought a support power like this would be perfect. Gerald also had a similar power which is why GUN did what they could to get Ivo in their ranks.

Because his power is completely in his control (he must be conscious for his power to work and he can fully control the radius & power of the amp so it cant be manipulated.) so he can hold it over peoples heads to get what he wants.

NonEvos are often recruited into military positions because the military can Bio Augment them and give them kinda... lesser/general abilities (like super soldiers.) they dont augment EVOS because theyre afraid of giving people too much power...

Stone was thought to be NonEVO and the test they give new recruits ran negative but its only because his ability is almost impossible to detect. His power Technopathy lets him communicate with and control machines, he used his ability to skew his results and got augmented powers as well.

His desire to work with Ivo comes from 'meeting' some of Ivos inventions. Theyre much more intelligent then most machines and very sweet despite being killing machines technically. Theyre also VERY loyal to their creator so he doesnt try to manipulate them.

More and more Stone relates more to Ivos Badniks than the humans hes around. Like the Niks he becomes completely loyal and loving to Ivo.

When Ivo Amps Stones power it connects him to basically every bit of tech within his controlled radius. The first time he does it it doesnt end well (they were at the GUN compound in Ivos lab.... it was a lot of tech and a lot of information).

Ivo may or may not be completely infatuated with Stone.... 's circuit board-like Bot Amp lines. But if he were it would only be because the lines are cool cuz he likes tech and no other reason. [citation needed]

uhmmm... YA.

[sheepispink]

Waking up (repost)

part 6 of supersoldier!reader x tf141/ghost(ghost is main culprit but they’re all there.) SORRY FOR THE RETAG THE POST GOT MESSED UP SO I REPOSTED IT

cw: mention of a seizure, mention of foaming at the mouth, probably some medical inaccuracies, military inaccuracies too, gender neutral reader

a/n: this series is sfw nor is there any romantic relations mentioned.

glossary: old codger- an old man who doesnt know what he's talking about or talks crazy

PREV NEXT part one Series Masterlist

———

The strength is gone, your pulse is faint and your brain has shut off the map of trains running through your head on a daily basis, everything silent. Except one thing— your memories. The last of your energy is used on tormenting you, day and night or night and day; you don't know what day it is, don't know what’s even happening or if you really are even still alive right now. You’re not even sure when the last dream ended or how long it lasted, all you know is that it’s like a cycle, repeating the gunshot, the whimper of the fox, faint cries of the men you’ve killed, Ghost’s yells, Price’s stern eyes boring into you, Gaz and Soap’s shared laughter and always, always the squeak of the operating table and the rustle of scrubs as the nurse and doctor approach.

It’s torment, repeating over and over with no means of end in the slightest. Whilst before you at least had the temporary relief like the missions with Ghost or even the small conversations with Soap when he made you pay full attention to him, there was nothing now. It feels like months inside of your head even before you got trapped in this cycle, experiencing turmoil even when you were actually awake and living. But this was like everything had crossed the line, the conditions had worsened to the point of no return and now you could barely think in between each flashback. There was no trying to distract yourself when you were headfirst against the enemy; no more preparation as you fight and fight and fight, the battle never ending as you continue to clash but never fully meet the other.

You don't know if you’re breathing, or if your body really is your own right now, the turmoil doesn’t feel real and that’s probably because it isn't. This is just in your head— all a figment of your imagination.

Was any of this real though?

There’s no feeling in your fingers, nor your feet, and weirdly enough you don't really feel any physical pain this time. Not even when the scalpel breaches your skin.

The question returns again. Is this real? Are you real?

Your thoughts are dwindling out.

Is this real?

Are you real?

——————-

Again. You wake in the infirmary. Gaz will come through the doors, comfort you when you panic. Soap will take over— Ghost will yell.

You can't sit up this time. There’s binds around your wrists, around your ankles too. Everything is shrouded in silence, a sterile smell attacking your nose like a threat.

It’s black again now.

——————-

There’s muffled voices, like the day you got shot. Your arm still throbs sometimes, at least it used to, when you were really a person. 

It sounds like Price, and you’re sick of his voice. Sounds like Gaz too— that’s good. You think maybe, if you were born a different person, you’d consider him a big brother. Maybe— you don't really know much about what those are, but you’ve heard they’re good people. If you had one, you probably would’ve been safer.

—————-

Flowers. It’s a momentary image that breaks the usual cycle of nightmares— if you even call it that anymore. It’s lavender to be exact. It smells good— somehow you can manage to process that even if you still can't feel it. Your fox used to smell like lavender, when that intern first gave it to you. You’ve never smelt it since it faded off the plush, but you’d never forget it either. 

It smells really good.

———

——-

Soap sits before your small bed in the spare room. Originally you were in the infirmary for the sake of fixing up the bad wound on your back. Ghost hadn’t told him all the details, but there wasn't much to ask when he had rushed in with you seizing in his arms and frothing at the mouth. You had forgotten to take one of your monthly medications— according to the calendar in your room you marked completely different dates despite having a reminder right there. It wasn't a serious seizure despite how it sounded but everything to do with you was uncertain, due to the modifications made.

It almost makes him upset, if he’s being completely honest. He spoke with Price about it once, when they had a mission together and they waited overnight in a safehouse. “They’ll never escape the military, will they?” His Captain has shook his head, confirming what Soap already knew to be true but didn't want to actually believe. “If they leave they’ll only die. Too unstable.. thus too reliant on others. Without a handler they’d never regulate themselves properly, even antibiotics can clash with the serum—it could make them severely ill.”

Johnny could get by the usual criminals who deserved a bad beating, or even an innocent family who didn't deserve their end. But this was more— you never really got peace, still living in the torturous cycle until the military deemed you were ‘ready’ to die. It was a fate worse than death, in his opinion. A time ago,he had hoped that he and Gaz could make a difference for you, but he’s not so sure anymore.

———-

Cold air tingled your arms, making the hairs rise and slowly guide you through the barrage of thoughts and memories. You hadn’t blinked once this entire time, but it was too much now, all of these faces and horrors returning. It felt cowardly, almost as if you were giving up everything you knew but you couldn't handle it– seeing all of it again, experiencing it and reliving the trauma. Ghost, he stands before you, but he doesn't speak, his mask staring back at you like a deadly reminder. Your throat bobs nervously, hearing the yell of his command word echo around you. That decides your every action, in and out of battle.

This time it makes you flinch so hard your eyes squeeze shut, terrified more of your lack of freedom than any of the horrors you’ve witnessed since your miserable birth.

—-------------

“Why’s it beepin so loud?! Didn’t they say their heart rate barely ever changes?” Soap shouts, having been extremely frustrated with the lack of any progress regarding your state all week. Price is on a bloody mission, so only him and Gaz are here to handle you this time. It’s been two weeks since you were brought in here, and still there’s not been a single sign of you waking up– only the eerily steady pulse letting them know you’re okay.

“Sir–we’re trying, please, let us do our work.” 

“Get off of them.” A cold voice cuts through the room, the heart rate monitor beeping loudly still. 

“But sir– the heart is-”

“I’m their handler. Get off of them, now.” Ghost wants to slap their prying fingers away from you, just like he did to the stupid scientist who had the audacity to try and ask him to let him take over your care. The explanation resonated in the silence, as well as the sharp glare the fool received before Ghost had promptly stormed off that day. “Johnny, what’s going on?”

“Their heart rate keeps wavering, Lt.” Soap explains, worried as he walks over to you, still as stone yet your heart is lurching in your chest. “They told Gaz that their heart rate has been altered to stay steady, or even more so than usual.”

“That’s..” He had read the files; it was true that they had attempted to alter how your heart worked and had temporarily made it so that it wouldn’t raise too high and cause issues especially in stressful situations where seconds counted. However, this past week he’s been looking into anything related to you in the slightest. Every file that has scattered his desk has your name on it, every action links back to figuring out more and every night he dreams of the same scene.  

“It was true once, yes, only for a mere week though. Now it’s merely a placebo effect to keep them calm enough when things get messy.” He grunts, and Soap just blinks at him, not expecting that answer in the slightest. Really? All that for it to just be a placebo effect? It is true that you’ve never been in a serious condition when you’re unconscious, so it’s clear this whole time your heart rate has never breached the worry point. 

“Right, so what the hell are we gonna do?”

Ghost grunts in response, almost jealous of how easily Soap worries over you, like he’s been the one taking care of you since you first entered this base. Though it feels more like a sickening guilt for not being the person he should’ve been. “Just..” He sighs, pulling up the chair that Price usually occupies and slumping into it. “Hold their hand. It’s a nightmare, it’ll pass.”

So he does, his hand gently intertwining with your limp one before rubbing your palm, trailing up to your elbow and then back again. It seemed to be too severe to be a mere nightmare–- the alarms beeping loudly like sirens—and yet somehow your hand twitched for the first time before your heart rate began to lower. Soap lets out a long breath , taking a seat on the edge of your bed, rubbing the back of your hand over and over to soothe the fears you were experiencing.  “The doctors would’ve stuck another damn needle in them.” Ghost scoffs, his hands clasped between his knees as his gaze momentarily watches the small rise and fall of your chest.

“How did you know?”

That shouldn't even be a question–Ghost should know every little detail about you down to how you like to tie your shoelaces, not the ignorance he’s been displaying. It fills him with great shame; you were entrusted to him, and he had failed you. “In their files.” He grunts, his gaze fixed on the floor now. You wouldn't even want him to be here right now, but it’s the least he can do and also the most he’s ever done for you. 

“Ghost..” Soap begins, looking directly at the Lieutenant. As much as he wants to yell at him for being a complete blockhead, he can't deny that many things have never been in your favour. There’s not many who would’ve given you the chance in life you deserved, and in another life you probably even consider it amazing the Lieutenant even changed his ways. The military wasn't known for its kindness. “Price could’ve done better too; don't take all the blame. Ye know, the only thing that matters is how we fix it. It’s not like you didn't try.”

He had wanted to cut him off, yell about how wrong he was but lord, he wasn’t incompetent enough to not be able to handle a conversation without blowing up. Not like his father. “My ‘trying’ was closer to using ketchup to get a stain out the carpet.” The analogy at least gets a small huff out of Soap, but as much as he wants to laugh too he knows he can't. He doesn't deserve to; you don't deserve to hear that. “If they had that seizure alone.. If they had forgotten their pills for a few days longer.. They’d be hospitalized, Johnny. I did that to them.” His thumbs press against his brows as he lets out a sharp breath, trying to come to the reality of it without wanting to tear open his chest. “I could’ve prevented so much of it. If only I had read those stupid files.”

Johnny sighs, looking down at your arms that have goosebumps littering them– maybe he should shut the window.

—-------

You’ve been shrouded in darkness since you flinched, and you’re afraid to open your eyes. But everything has been so serene this time, in fact you feel awfully tired, the warm kind like you’re in front of a campfire. At least, that’s what you’ve read in books–how fuzzy feelings are usually described.

Maybe you’ll do it this time, brave the darkness rather than be ordered to. Though maybe it’s only because you cannot fathom anything worse than what you’ve experienced than perhaps death itself.

—-----

It’s a Friday night and they don't dare to leave your side in the free time they get. Price is still out, thankfully Gaz has returned though. Right now he’s catching up on some well needed rest, jet lagged to the maximum. Soap’s hand always rests on yours now, and he’s tried to convince Ghost many times to do the same. This time they’ve got a game of chess going, although it’s just on Soap’s phone– his idea too of course. According to him, you might do better with some noise than the usual silence held in this room. Ghost had caved pretty quickly, staring in utter confusion as Soap knocked off yet another one of his pieces.

“Oi– you cannot make that move, you’re lying.”

“Yer just a sore loser, Lt. Admit it, I'm just too good.” His smile grows wide, looking at the lack of possible moves left especially since he had played so well. Ghost finally moves, though not without muttering about there being ‘no point anymore’, and he’s about to play his own move when his hand feels weird. Like.. ticklish? Soap just momentarily glances only to see that your fingers were touching his hand, properly. Grazing gently, your pinky eventually curls around his own. The monitor beeps a little louder, and your pulse seems to rise a little higher. Ghost notices Soap’s distraction, glancing over to see the tiniest hitch in breath and squeeze of your eyelids. 

The both of them stay deadly silent, only the soft beeping as your eyes squint open, a few blinks clearing the blur clouding your vision. If you had noticed them by now, you must be ignoring it because you kind of just stare at the ceiling for a few moments before settling on Soap’s hand holding your own. “Kid..? You feeling okay?” Lord, he doesnt know why he even asked that; it was pretty damn obvious you haven't been okay and he can already see Ghost wanting to facepalm. 

A small hum is heard from you, a little cracked, but it’s a response. “Yeah.”

“Bet ye starving, ay?” Soap rubs your hand a little more, though still concerned about your small responses. “I’ll get ya some.” He’s about to slide off when Ghost stops him. 

“No. I’ll go.”

He stands, heading towards the door— he’s not stupid, he saw how you flinched at his voice breaking out. He has to do it right this time— he has to. 

——-

Soap doesn’t let you try to eat yourself, instead scooping up spoonfuls as he sits beside you on the small bed. You’re still hooked up with an iv drip, despite doing a lot better than the first time you were in the infirmary, and you don't attempt to argue with Soap this time. Infact, you’re just really, really quiet. “Drink some water too, kay?” He lifts the bottle up to your mouth, making sure you drink a good amount. Even though you just came out of a coma, you look really, really tired. Your eyes are dull, even more than the usual, and your eyelids hang low, just aimlessly staring at the soft blankets covering you. There’s no scratchy patient dress now, nor paper thin sheets that only serve to keep you cold. 

Before this happened, you were a lot more responsive, even attentive, when he talked with you. Him and Gaz would come by some evenings, when all of your tough work was over, and just tell you about absolutely anything and everything. Even with the reputation that precedes you, the excitement on your face was endearing—especially after everything they’ve witnessed you go through. It was a relief that you were actively asking questions, and curious about what else they did.

Now you stayed silent, barely even glancing twice his way as you just followed whatever he decided you needed. Eventually he puts the spoon down, his teeth chewing at his lip as he glances up at Ghost. He’s doing his best not to look at you either, but it’s clear this has to be resolved. And it’s now or never.

Soap slides off the bed, leaving an abundance of space beside you, and walks over to nudge Ghost. “C’mon, you gotta talk to ‘em.”

“Johnny—I’ll only make it worse.”

“Don’t care Lt. Look at ‘em- do ya really think they’ll just get better like this? You said it yourself, things gotta change. Yer gonna have to talk with them properly; they dont have a handler for nothin’.” He pats Ghost’s shoulder firmly, before heading for the door and leaving with a soft click.

Silence fills the space between you two after he leaves, feeling like he’s on a mountain whilst you’re struggling in the mere dirt— back to your square one. “No doctors are allowed in here without one of us here.” He firmly states, not bothering to look at you when he knows that all he’ll see is misery laying in your eyes. “You marked the wrong date for your pills and you had a seizure. So expect to be staying in this room for another month, and you won't have any training or missions either.”

That elicits a response from you, a very obvious one because that’s something you didnt expect in the slightest. “No missions—“

“No. Not like that.” He cuts you off firmly, but not harshly, sighing before he looks up at you finally, only wearing the black balaclava today. “You’re staying right here, in this taskforce. End of story. But you’re also getting the rest your body needs.”

Your eyes narrow, you don't want rest, damnit. Even now after knowing that they definitely wont send you back— if you’re trusting them that is—- you cant physically handle a second of rest any longer. You need movement, stimulation, something to interfere with the silence in your head that eats away at your sanity like a parasite. 

He doesnt need to ask you to notice your hesitation though, his own eyes narrowing. “You have nightmares, dont you? We noticed in your sleep.” Silence rings out this time, not a response, only you staring at your hands absentmindedly, the warmth that had ripped you out of it. “Johnny held your hand. It helps, doesnt it? I.. read your files, it said that there was an intern nurse who’d do the same to you. They recommended it in bad situations.” His voice grows softer by the second, unable to keep his harsh edge after everything he now knows. The suffering, the pain, the endless cycle of torture.

Still, there’s no answer, only sheer silence from you. “Alright, i get it. But just because you’re a super soldier.. dont think you dont need it. I need you in top form, everyone needs you in top form. That means even if a pat on the back from him helps, you do it, okay?” He didnt want to be so forward and demanding, changing into something you ‘had’ to do for the sake of the program. But he also knew you were less likely to actually listen unless he did— you ran on the fact that you were still worth something, still worthy of being a soldier. It was lies, you were obviously worthy either way, but he’d do anything to make you okay again.

You nod just slightly and he sighs, stepping up to walk towards the small table on the other side of the room. He returns with his hands clasped, before opening them to reveal the small fox plush you had ripped open during your panic. “Gaz stitched it up and stuffed it. He wasn't sure if you’d hate him for touching it, but he couldn't stand to see it so worn either.” You gently take it in your palms, the little plush the size of your hand and exactly the same as you remember it. Though you're disappointed when you bring it to your nose only for no scent to emanate.  “I’ll give him my thanks.”

—————————————

Gaz had passed out as soon as he had gotten home that evening, not even finding out that you had finally woken until lunch the next day. “They’re awake?! Have they said anything?” Ghost stabs at his food awkwardly, and if this was two weeks ago he wouldn’t have even bothered to answer, let alone give out any news about you anyway.

”No. They barely speak.” He states simply, though swallows sharply after, tension hanging in the air between Soap and him. The hope on Gaz’s face falls; he and Soap were only just figuring out the true nature of your being, of the creation you really were. To be honest, all of them had a little bit of hope that you’d just wake up better. You’d be relieved that Ghost had come to his senses, you’d be happy that they were all now treating you like you should’ve been treated— like a human— and all of this mess would just be solved. But that was nothing more than a stupid ideal, like seeing pigs fly. The more they learnt about you, the faster they figured out that nothing was as simple as a minor problem with how complicated you actually were.

 “Hasn’t even been twenty-four hours, we should jus’ let time tell.” Soap huffs out, not any more happier about this situation. He felt naive to even believe you had been getting better, and he couldn’t call himself any better than his own LT for not seeing the constant conflict in your head.

————————

Time did tell something, but it was definitely not what any of them were hoping for in the slightest. The days dragged on and still you remained silent, just observing and listening as they came and went. Occasionally they'll ask you questions, and you’d answer them but never anything more. No opinions, no reasoning unless asked and never a question back to them. In short, you were fine to talk, you just didn't hold the conversation. Ghost would’ve let out a sigh of relief if you were like this when you first met him, in fact he’d be so happy to get rid of your questions that he’d probably parade your obedience around the task force. But now everything was different, and he wouldn’t dare ask for your mindless obedience again, and yet he’s received it like some mocking gift, laughing in his face at his selfish actions. 

Everytime he looks at the bags beneath your eyes, all he sees is the human crumbling before him—such raw life emanating from you after months that he convinced himself that you’re nothing but a fabrication of a person.  Then to hear your plea, not for kindness and lenience–not even to let up his harsh tactics and the death he forces into your hands— just reassurance. You just wanted the safety of knowing a team wouldn’t leave you behind, and he couldn’t believe he hadn’t even convinced you of that. As the ranks grew, it grew increasingly harder to trust others; that was the truth in how it worked. But still even the Captain, who had experienced far more than Ghost would ever know, had trusted them, his task force. Ghost trusted you’d do what you were told, it was a known fact, but you couldn’t even trust them enough to know that they never leave you behind so easily.

It disgusts him really, when he looks in the mirror all he feels is pure shame. And it’s even worse when Soap looks at him like that, when Gaz’s face falls to a frown and Price shares a firm glance. He knows– he knows everything he had done to you was inexcusable and yet he still feels like he should feel it more. Every day he wishes he sported the marks of your anger, to even have a reminder of your pain on him, but no you couldn't even do that to him. In all your betrayal and distress, you hadn't even raised your hand once to harm him.

There was one thing you refused to talk about, just looking down or muttering that ‘It doesnt matter’ when the topic arose. Your nightmares. Every time one of them tried to hint at it, your fingers would flex uncomfortably and your gaze would flitter away, begging to escape and yet stuck sitting in that bed until they deemed you okay. Not to mention you were increasingly restless, not only from being bored out of your mind without your daily workout, but you tossed and turned more as each day passed. Everyday your face seems more worn, your eyes duller and losing the life you had struggled so hard to maintain. 

—------------

“Evening, kid.” It’s late now, almost eight pm and you’ve been in and out of naps for the entire day, though not without being shaken forcefully by yet another vision. “Captain.” You give him a nod, lowering your head in respect before falling silent once more–it hurts him slightly how you’ve stopped using his first name. However, the dinner that always comes with his visit never follows nor the pills that allow you to get at least three hours of sleep in. 

He notices the way your eyes flicker behind him, knowing that you’re exhausted and run down as it is, and just smirks. Sure, it’s true that denying the basic needs from someone who is clearly struggling with themself is probably a bit cruel, but it’s for your own good. He’d be stupid to underestimate you as well; you’d be able to keep up with your normal activities even without a week of food. So he’s not getting any more lenient with you, not even if the pitiful look on your face makes him want to drop everything and buy you every snack you’ve ever wanted. “Thought i told you to call me John? No dinner today, kid. Well unless..”

Your eyes narrow, obviously hungry or, at least, you’ve craving the burst of flavours Soap’s been introducing in all of your meals since you got shot.”Unless what?”

It’s the first time you’ve actively responded since you first woke up a week and a half ago, and the glint in his eye is enough to tell you that he’s glad. “Unless, you tell me about what happened last night. Properly.” He takes a seat at the edge of the mattress, your body language a lot more comfortable than the last time you were injured–they ensured that you wouldn’t be in those sterile rooms again or awake when doctors came by. “I won't sit around and let you do this to yourself, you know.”

“Ghost did.”

Price’s eyes narrow, not oblivious to how fast you had responded this time, as if the words were coming from your heart for once. He hates that you’re right too, since Ghost had confided in all of them the interaction you had, knowing it was only right that he didnt hide what he had done. This should never be about him anyway; it was about helping you. “Everyone knows you’re hurting. I know you’re acting–”

“I’m not acting.” You say blankly, just staring at him now and he blinks, not expecting you cut him off. Of course, you must’ve been, how else would none of this affect you—at least how would this not affect the blank look on your face? The effects were clear from your body’s reactions, but you never expressed it emotionally.

“So you’re tellin’ me that you don't care that you’re on the verge of sleep every waking second and you still can't get any?” That makes your eyebrows twitch just slightly, your eyes glancing at the window again, like you always do when the conversation turns anyway near this way. 

“Just..” He says slowly, reaching out to rub your leg over the thin blanket covering you– he makes a mental note to get you a thicker one. “Tell me,kid. Talk to me, please. I want to know, what pushed you into that state? I know it was Ghost but missions have never had that bad effects on you.” You’re still quiet and he takes his hat off, like he had done last time he tried to comfort you, placing it to the side whilst he pulled out a container of food from his bag. “Please.”

His tone makes your gut ache, your heart throb, and your brain hurt from the conflict inside of you. So you do, you tell him. From how you overheard them that day, and thought they’d send you back, when you decided to purposefully harm yourself so you couldn't fight properly but you just kept going, even to how you woke up on the floor in your room after blacking out post battle. It’s now or never, so you let it all spill now the band aid been ripped off, explaining how your mental state grew worse when they told you to recuperate, unable to distract yourself from the constant distress until you spiralled to a point of no return.

He listens carefully, not interrupting for a second or pulling strange faces except for the softening of his eyes and the occasional narrowing too. You appreciate that, someone whose willing to just sit and listen without giving pities you dont need. That’s never what you’ve needed. “You’re so strong.” Is the first thing he says, and it almost startles you, wondering if that’s all he had actually taken away from it.  You didnt feel strong, but perhaps in his head, he meant you were capable. And you were— you could take all those blows and you were still here, but you werent strong, no. You were weak.

“To be able to starve yourself of food and sleep, just to fight for yourself. It’s admirable. Though not something i’d want you to do, obviously.” He chuckles softly, watching your eyes that train on him. His finger reaches forward, gently prodding in the middle of your chest, where your ribs lay. “You have will power; that’s the rawest form of strength, and not something to look down on. Forget your abilities, and the modifications, that is what is keeping you alive.”

.

.

.

.

“What?”

You blurt it out, because you quite literally cannot believe his words in the slightest. It doesn't make sense— at all. The modifications, all the effort and tests they ran on you.. wasn't the reason for all you’ve done?

“Don't look at me like I'm a crazy old codger.” He laughs, properly and runs his fingers through the messy locks of your hair, straightening them out before sitting back properly again. 

“It’s true. But that doesn't excuse anything, what Ghost did was wrong. We were all wrong too. We should’ve noticed and stepped in, we were just glad you were okay after everything.” He sighs, giving you a fond look that you just nod at, and he notices you don't take too well to sympathies. “Last night though.. you scratched yourself badly again. Why didn't you speak to us before? Why now?” 

That’s what pushed him over the line, he could stand not pushing your boundaries if you wouldn't talk about the nightmares. This was the truck all over again, sending you into a frenzy where you hurt your own self. It was visible, the long red scratches on your neck and disappearing down your shirt. They also lay on your face too, the skin raw and healing with time.

“I..i’ve been different— after what..happened. It’s happened once before.” You explain, making his eyes narrow in concern since he never heard of you shifting like your demeanour suddenly had.

“I passed out during my torture training once,” Your words are slow, reliving the memory yourself. “When I woke, it was like I was back to the first serum the doctors gave me. I couldn't react, my face was a blank slate and.. my mind was running at rampant speeds, i couldn't think straight. It was only until a week after the training that I snapped out of it, waking up with scratches on my face..”

It seemed to Price like this was some sort of fight or flight sequence, forcing you into quiet submission but to never make any sense of reaction, specifically engineered for high stress level situations such as torture. To think what Ghost had pushed you to was comparable to torture was a hard pill to swallow, but he had to ignore it for now.

“So you.. you werent really here for the past few weeks, until recently i guess.”

You nod slowly, agreeing to his words but he can still tell you’re conflicted, stuck in that middle ground of fighting for your sanity and trying not to get hurt in the process. “The priority is your sleep—if we can get rid of the nightmares, your state of mind will fix itself.” 

He’s right, but you refuse to take the proposal the others want. They had offered it last week, having Soap sleep on a bed beside you, not directly but just enough for his presence. Apparently during your coma, he had held your hand, and that’s why sometimes you had actually only seen darkness and not the horrors that lay waiting. But.. it seemed wrong to use him like that, just for your sake. Besides, as much as you may have warmed up to them before, you didn't entirely trust them right now. Speaking with Price was out of pure necessity, since you really weren't going to get any better if you kept trying to push through these nightmares on your own. But apart from that, you didn't feel that curiosity anymore, that need to be involved with them and have an actual team. Infact, facing Ghost felt so difficult sometimes that you wished they would just command you to listen, let life leave your eyes and let the thoughts fade. It sounded so much easier, a dream really. But maybe that was too easy of a way out for you, and the Ghost loved to torture it seemed.

Price watches the thoughts move behind your eyes, how hard you’re deciphering his words despite how you should be too exhausted to speak. It amazes him, and yet sickens him too. No one should be like this.

“How about something else..hm? You ever slept with something really warm?”

---------------------

buy me a coffee! Series Masterlist

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a/n: another chapter will be coming in the following day or so!! this chapter ending up being 5.7k words so i decided to split it up. Next one will likely be around 3k. Thank for the support!!!!

[jeonitopia]

BABY TIME

🪐 bts x f! pregnant! reader (separate)

🪐 headcanons // fluff+angst

☆ warnings: none except maybe no beta read !

a/n: potential part 2 for when the baby is born? depends on if people like this.. also just short hcs bcuz well.. i overdid myself and did all 7 in one post... sigh (i made tis longer than it was supposed to be wtf)

☆KIM SEOKJIN

"Aishh! you already had chocolate earlier!"

constantly watching your diet, making sure all your vitamin and certain intakes are proper

"Jin I'm craving ramyeon with milk mixed in.." "WHAT"

catching him ask his mom what she needed and what she wouldve done if she got pregnant again (he has no shame)

he's an absolute prince in your child's eyes

when he has to leave, he calls you at least every 2 hours and if he can't, he messages you!! (asking for pics of you and the baby)

in love with role-playing with the child, wether it be king and princess, or knights and bandits (you're the damsel in distress)

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆MIN YOONGI

honestly, he was terrified of being a father because of his experience with his own father

once he realized the whole weight of the situation, he understood that he WILL be a good (and supportive) father because you are with him

learning that your child also has a thing for music

absolutely bringing your baby to the studio and letting him have his own crib next to his producing set-up

has noise cancelling headphones for the baby if he has to record something or when he's going to fully focus on producing

(of course has the volume on his headphones a medium volume so he can hear if the baby wakes up)

made a joke about how in daechwita, you'd be his empress and the baby is the heir

cue him posting a photo of the three of you in traditional hanbok (yoongi in daechwita outfit, without the long hair because baby will be upset)

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆JUNG HOSEOK

always taking photos of your progress

"look here!"

he always tries to keep you active

massages all day everydayyy

you got him to chill with the dance practices so that he both doesnt overwork himself AND you get to spend more time with him

absolutely doing the silliest things to entertain the baby

it's obvious who the favorite is 😐

showing dance moves to the baby and doing silly faces

has a picture of the three of you in hope world, he loves staring at it and just being grateful for his family

he's j-hope, you're bae-hope, baby is mini/baby-hope

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆KIM NAMJOON

songs containing references and metaphors that relate to you and the baby (not that he DIDNT do this before)

maybe even a whole mini-album dedicated to your journey into parenthood, each song created throughout your progress till your due date

he did his thorough research on pregnancy and things related to it and constantly gives you advice

when the baby is old enough for long distance rides, family trips are a common thing

loves cradling the baby and blabbering about an art piece they're standing in front of

you're so in love? help???

he has 3 lil plants, the 3rd plant being a new sprout that he likes to say is the baby (it sprouted the day the baby was born?? omg???)

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆PARK JIMIN

you became an absolute princess the moment he found out you were pregnant

wonders if the baby would grow up to have the same fingers as his papa mochi

already planning to convince the baby to try a martial art or a type of dancing so he and his papa can have multiple ways of bonding

dropping hints about the baby mochi on some of his lives

one time he asked if he can try your breastmilk

😐😑😐

teasing him about how when the baby holds his fingers, they look the same

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆KIM TAEHYUNG

honestly you'd have around 2-3 kids

but this is your first one, taehyung is honestly nervous

absolutely SURE he wants to be a father but more worried on if he'd be a good one

at this point, he'd also be another baby

"Ack, my feet hurt quite a bit.." "AREYOUALRIGHT?DOYOUNEEDTOGOTOTHEHOSPITAL??ILLCALLDOCTORPARK"

you personally think he might be the one more stressed even when he isnt the one carrying the baby

2nd questioner of wifey's breast milk taste

yeontan and the baby being bestfriends

yeontan has super instincts and starts going wild when he feels the baby is about to start crying

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆JEON JUNGKOOK

he watched the movie Up with taehyung and they googled why the old couple had a miscarriage, he learned it was from lead exposure

so now he keeps you away from drying walls and dusty areas and even has a small baggy filled with masks and cleansing tissue

he calls it "baby protection protocal"

surprisingly very calm and responsible! (hes trying to win your trust so that he can spoil your child rotten)

absolutely DROPS the fact that he is having a child and dragged you into the view of the live

3rd questioner of wifey's breast milk taste

baby plays with daddy's lip ring because he finds it really cool

baby also thinks daddy's sleeve tattoo is cool and always wants to slobber his saliva on it

baby wants to ride on bam's back??? 😭😭😭😭