#because its not like anyone is even listening or anyone even cares | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thedisablednaturalist · 3 days

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I found a great provider that does a ton of integrative care and even does aquatic therapy (its the ONLY place in the area that has an aquatic treadmill) and its all in one building right near my apartment. The only issue is it costs $300-500 per appointment as they are out of network with all insurance companies and I have an HMO plan. I was hoping I could just go there for physical therapy but that's still like $300 per appointment.

Apparently I can petition for a gap exemption since literally no other place has aquatic therapy in my area? but it can be a bitch to get your insurance to approve it

I'm now looking into patient advocacy groups to help with getting me the care I need because at this point I'm fed up with the search. I'm tired of being constantly referred to scam holistic centers and told theres nothing they can do for my pain now pay us $50 dollars. Apparently Myofascial Release Therapy and aquatic therapy would do great for my pain but there's no place that takes insurance that does that.

I found a patient advocacy center but it costs $150 an hour so what's even the point. There is one that is free but its for people with "serious chronic conditions" and idk if they'd consider my chronic pain and spine stuff serious enough.

Im just so tired and i dont have the spoons to do this on my own anymore. I'm paying hundreds a month on insurance but can't get the care I need since its too specialized/out there or theres no specialists near me in network. I thought I picked a PPO plan but apparently not. All this stuff is so confusing and complex and I don't have the mental energy to deal with it all. And you can't ask insurance for advice because they will give you bad advice! bc they dont want to pay for shit!!

I just want to live and stop getting fucked over. I'm tired of the 15 minute appointments that don't do anything for me. That are just so I can get refills of medication. That dont explain everything or look at all my records or listen to me.

Has anyone used a patient advocate outside of a hospital before?

#wrenfea.exe #chronic disability #chronic pain #spoonie #fibromyalgia #disability #chronic illness #health insurance #patient advocacy #american healthcare

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wannaremember · 1 year

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#having a no good very bad awful week #well its not just the weeks its life in general but anyway #and yes the doom and gloom mood also has to do with pms but like still #god its so difficult to even find the point #everything is too much #and ill never have anyone #and oh my complicated feelings about my brothers successes #just everything keeps piling on and on and on #and im so terrible at even being able to cry about it or something #the being laughed at for crying when i was angry kind of ripped the crying away from me #i mean okay thats an exaggeration in that i do end up being able to cry sometimes but not like i want not the way it would help l #and i hate being so numb all the time #and i also hate being so disconnected #just idk it sucks when the only thing i even pray for anymore is [redacted]#and obviously even that prayer will be one that never comes true #because its not like anyone is even listening or anyone even cares #and i hate how utterly my faith has been destroyed because i think despite everything it was probably the only thing that kept me okay #ughhh #just had to let this out somewhere turns out it was here #will delete

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phatcatphergus · 10 months

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Tubbo literally going days without anyone knowing about the funeral and how he's going through it all alone

#i keep thinking about how he didnt tell anyone because he didn't think they would care #he spent literal days in his own mind because he didn't think anyone would care enough to even listen to him talk about a funeral #he cant even talk with the fed workers because they're busy and he could get them in trouble like he did with fred #he didnt even hear freds name at the funeral unless he said it #and anytime he does hear freds name its in a mocking tone #i want to throw up #im actually nauseous #im mentally stable i swear #qsmp tubbo #tubbo #qsmp #qsmp fred #frubbo

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felixcosm · 5 months

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The way people are responding to Taylor Swift's new album because they don't think she is tortured or mentally ill enough to call it that is fucking embarrassing.

God forbid an artist ever exaggerates for artistic purpose. God forbid a celebrity writes about pain or suffering if they haven't experienced the maximum amount of trauma in their life.

I mean, everyone knows the moment you become a celebrity all your human experience disappears and you elevate to a new level of existence where you cannot have relatable experiences anymore for the rest of your life.

#i dont care much for taylor swift but seeing people diss on her for no reason or petty reasons is so cringe and embarrassing #it reminds of that 'i listen to cooler music than you' trend that was so popular #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #i listened to it yesterday. good album. not really my taste of music but still good #people who diss on her do understand that all the petty scruntiny they put her under can apply to their favorite artists too right?#like what even is your angle?#taylor swift cant say anything because she's rich or because she hasnt suffered as much as you?#is the concept of creating stories so foreign to you #this just in no artist can ever write a song if they havent experienced 100% of what happens in that song #okay im done #i just had to get it out of my system bcs i see it *everywhere* and it annoys me to no end #im not even a swiftie!! but if you can say that about taylor swift you can literally say that about anyone #and taylor swift isnt hurting anyone. people wanna shit on her and her fans for dumb reasons #if you dont like her album then just. dont listen to it? block the tag?#its not like you can neverr criticize an artist or an album but NONE of these posts are being critical theyre just being mean #and taggingg their hate so the swifties can see it #its deliberately being mean because everyone else is doing it #OKAY NOW IM DONE

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didsomeonesayventus · 1 year

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thinking about how way to dawn really was like the most iconic keyblade ever that so neatly summarized riku's journey and ideals and had so much meaning and history and so uniquely his and kh3 really threw it away for a fucking car key

#katie rambles #ITS BEEN YEARS I CAN SAY IT RIKU'S NEW KEYBLADE IS DUMB #kh3 did riku incredibly dirty actually on a number of levels #i dont care if there was more s@r!ku evidence they really had no idea what to do with him #they had no idea what to do with anyone who wasn't sora #but with riku especially having such a strong character arc only to pitter out to like.#a touching but ultimately meaningless sacrifice that sora tears up spacetime to undo moments later #and exposition dumps ig #like i can't get behind his new keyblade because it really EXEMPLIFIES all the god damn issues with his handling in 3 #idk i was thinking about character design and aesthetics and man. MAN! way to dawn beloved.#way to go kh writers for taking complex and well developed character and making him cardboard #his va also sounded really tired and i cannot blame him riku was so filed down from literally anything that made him interesting #he couldnt even get to wrestle with or flex his cool mentor status as a keyblade master that arc was right there #'katie why are you so upset you just said it's been years' listen.#listen kh was formative media for me (points @ username)#i would not be griping so much more in the tags if i did not invest so much of my love and care into the series #perhaps too much in hindsight #agh. urgh. ough.

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qumiiiquinnquin · 11 months

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i am genuinely so fucking tired being expected to know when you want me to stop talking to you and just leave instead of you directly telling me. you never fucking tell me. im supposed to pick that up on my own and i cant until you start saying shit like "im tired" or sighing heavily when you think im done or you just sit there on your laptop or phone no longer acknowledging me, waiting for me to leave. you wont even look at me. always as soon as i leave i hear it - you immediately hitting unpause or putting in your headphones and sometimes even going into voice chats to talk to other people. i wonder if you've noticed that ive picked up on when you're evidently tired of me talking that i just cut myself off and walk out. or i wonder if you're grateful that i finally put that brake on myself and leave you alone. im tired of being ignored and just talking to a wall. im tired of half-hearted acknowledgment to what im saying when you aren't actually bothering to listen. im tired of having to just leave when i realize itd be convenient for you because you're bored with my company. and its not just you - everyone in this fucking house, this entire family, does it.

#vent #its thanks to all of you in my family that i feel bad wanting to talk and why im trying to force myself to not talk much. as well as not #talk unless spoken to and only say what you want to hear #have you noticed that i actually stop myself from coming in to say anything to you because i know you'll immediately want me to leave #i cant talk to anyone not even friends. i barely have any friends that are happy when i talk and like to talk to me #why else shouldn't i be so reclusive? i know nobody will give a shit about anything i say no less listen to me if i bother to say anything #i stop myself from saying anything anywhere because i always mentally tell myself nobody will care or listen to me anyway #everybody wants me to shut my mouth and keep it that way

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malewifehenrycooldown · 10 months

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yeah yeah i got recommended that Henry Cooldown analysis video whatever. i am still not over people comparing Henry to a medieval knight, NOT even taking the time to unpack that said mental image of a knight is 'mostly' associated with the British Monarchy*, an extension of its Empire that *checks notes* did a long list of atrocities like imperialism and colonialism, and also (multiple) genocides.

Henry is NOT British, he is Irish. Although considering the history of Ireland and how poorly the British Empire has treated them (amongst SO MANY OTHER COUNTRIES AND DIASPORAS), yeah it's NOT surprising that an Irish man like Henry is essentially forced to adopt quote on quote 'British sensibilities' to 'survive'. <- intentional imagery or not, the implications are not lost on me.

Like okay, calling out the comparison is cool but it sure would be nice if people went further to unpack what that means and implies in the long term. you know, like ACTUAL CRITICAL ANALYSIS?!

#I COULD do a whole essay about this. but i don't have the spoons to do so.#this is were i drop the big ball of information about me because fun fact! I am IRISH AND SCOTTISH. AND GREEK. so like.#so yeah i REALLY don't like the british #i hope in alternate universe i make youtube video essays about no more heroes and successfully argue how its about inter-generational traum #shallow rambles #nomoreposting #technically I was quite surprised by being recommended it. but looking at the comments i realised that their interpretation #is like the buy the books obvious surface level analysis of henry's character. not actually. thinking about the deeper things #behind his character. like. are we really going to ignore how his memories were wiped when he was adopted? okay.#to me henry is an example of someone finally confronting their trauma. how they cope is a whole other thing but henry is second #to jeane (the sister) that actually takes the time to confront the trauma although unfortunately this is mostly implied off-screen #travis BARELY acknowledges how fucked up it was for him and his siblings to be split apart and raised by different families #this got really fucking personal and i don't think anyone has actually cared enough to even consider the historical subtext #of these characters but that's just my take.#also i'm not fucking listening to a man explain to me what henry is. you know in a filmbro way. i have my own brain and interpretation and #that is all that matters to me. if you liked the guys video that's fine but honestly i am just not that interested in the essay.#you like henry for the rivalry trope. I like henry for other reasons that are open ended. we are NOT the same.#btw not EVERYTHING is about kill the past. it feels so reductive to ONLY analyse suda's work as a connected series #because it implies each one can't stand on their own merits!! that's NOT good analysis!! his work can stand on their own individually!#*about the whole knight and british monarchy thing there are other knights in other countries but unfortunately we only #think about knights in a VERY british-centric way. just thought to bring that up.#no i wont make a video essay about any of this i value my anonymity.#no i won't apologise for waking up and choosing violence today

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lohstandfound · 3 months

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ignore this.

learning to shut up when i dont have anything new to say to the discussions my mutuals are having about the treatment of the female characters in this show and fandom

even though ive just gone ahead and rambled in the tags a bunch of bullshit

#lohst.txt #they're all so right #because this fandom has had problems since the beginning #its always about the boys #the fics and the art and everything #and the fact that a large portion of this fandom is obsessed with the squip. the ACTUAL villain. yet would wish a 16 year old girl death #yeah. chloe did some fucked up things. yeah. dywh is an awful situation that was not handled well #(because this show has awful writing. you guys have been saying that already and youre right)#but come on. y'all act like the other characters did nothing wrong #if the writers would have cared to put actual depth into these characters #i havent listened to the source material in. a while. and i never got around to watching any other boot other than two rivers #i dont know what im saying #it was so easy to join bmc rp servers because no one ever picked the girls #did that mean i was left out of the rps? mostly. yeah #i mean. those servers always had the same rich and jake so we'd team up #but the jeremy and michael would barely give room for anyone else to interact with them #i used to have some discussions with someone about the flaws of this show and how the girls are constantly ignored #(back when i had sort of dipped out of the fandom)#anyway im never one to get involved in discourse directly #i support my mutuals and reblog art and post my silly little fics #mostly because im always too tired to put a lot of thought into any in depth analysis #(even though i have alot of thoughts on chloe and fairytales. which has nothing to do with this whatsoever)#everyone else has said it so much better than what i can currently come up with rn #but the way that the girls get watered down to one personality trait (this includes madeline). and are always used as background characters #the way there was so much christine hate at one point because she got inn the way of boyf riends #i looked chloe up on pinterest the other day out of curiosity #and there was so much hate #everyone likes christine and brooke #theyre the nice girls #the ones that get watered down to innocent and naïve and the mum friend of the group

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freakwiththeknifecollection · 3 months

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Depression is literally so embarrassing because it forces you to have confrontations like "so you know that thing that's normally no problem at all for me? Well it's genuinely upsetting me" and then have to have a whole Discussion where you have to be like "no I know it usually doesn't bother me and is very normal but I'm ✨️fragile✨️ right now because of the horrors and situations" and feel uncomfy and vulnerable and stupid about it

#and then have to deal with them treating you gentler which feels uncomfy because of the horrors even though it's what you wanted #in conclusion: bad!#it's worth it being vulnerable etc etc etc but it feels so embarrassing every time #em rambles #personal #depression #I've just been really isolated lately in addition to situations and it's making me more sensitive to social stuff you know? ugh #like how do I say hey when I'm depressed it means a lot to me when you like validate what little I am doing and like #engage and ask follow up questions when I talk about my interests instead of changing the subject or making it about your own interest #because it makes me feel like what I care about doesn't matter to anyone #which is hard to say as a severally adhd girlie because who am I to say please don't change the subject but I'm sorry I'm struggling ok!!#things Are going OK socially I saw my friends for the first time in awhile yesterday and today and I'm having a 1 on 1 hangout with a #friend who's moving a couple hours away soon this Tuesday so!! very good things!! I'm just struggling day to day feeling like I'm invisible #a lot of the time until someone wants something from me 😕#or is getting something from me like ME listening to THEM but when I wanna talk about something its like 'uhhuh that's cool. *changes #subject*' you know?#I know work school and social lives is what most people talk about and other stuff (fictional media etc.) isn't as important to people #but when you're an unemployed not in school disabled girlie that's literally all I have most of the time. and I wish people were more #understanding of that you know?#please just indulge me. gosh

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quietwingsinthesky · 6 months

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(i do try not to think about that episode so much because it does annoy me greatly that it’s this build up of. everyone around the doctor loves him so much they’d risk destroying time itself to save his life. river resists shooting him, amy puts together pieces of him in her head enough to want to help him across reality breaking, and at the end, the whole of time and space hears someone say “the doctor needs help!” and they come to answer. because that’s the good he puts out into the universe. people will come. if he just asks, they’ll come.

and then the episode turns around and goes, ‘yeah, anyway, river’s an idiot for doing all this dramatic shit to save him lol. the doctor had a plan all along to save himself. he doesn’t need anyone’s help.’ like THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT. OF EVERYONE WHO CAME. TO HELP HIM. WHY DID WE BOTHER WITH ANY OF THIS.)

#ITS SOOOO UNSATISFYING GOD. AND IT DOES MANAGE TO BE SO GOOD UP UNTIL THAT MOMENT.#the doctor is so loved by all the universe….. but lmao who cares he’s never needed anyone but himself am i right #LIKE NO. SHUT UP. LET HIM BE SAVED BY THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP AND THE GOOD WILL HE’S GENERATED BY HELPING PEOPLE THROUGHOUT SPACE!!!!!!#could have been such a crowning moment for a doctor who is just. so set on not being helped. on doing things himself even if it hurts and it #does it always does. from the moment amy tries to intervene in the beast below and he yells at her for it and hes *wrong* to because without #listening to her he’d have made himself a monster.#to the battle of demon’s run where he gets so caught up in himself and making a show of humiliating and defeating these people that his team #that came here to help him start to die and he doesn’t even notice that the child he came here to save is already gone.#IS THIS NOT ABOUT THE DOCTOR PUTTING HIS SHIT DOWN AND LETTING OTHER PEOPLE HELP HIM.#AND IF NOT. IF NOT. THEN WHY. ARE WE BOTHERING.#okay. okay. im okay again. im normal. back to business per usual.#justice for river song fr #doctor who

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ftmbruce · 6 months

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dick grayson categorically does NOT have "eldest daughter syndrome." sorry if that hurts your feelings or whatever but i understand him on a more personal level and i would not describe him with that whatsoever.

#as the oldest of 10 the phrase has always irked me and i can't exactly articulate why other than being transmasc #that might be the whole reason who knows #but even taking the phrase at face value i think it is intrinsically about mothering tasks that oldest daughters are expected to do #like genuine caretaking #yes he was damians guardian for a while but thats. simply not the same thing #if u wanna call him that fine whatever i guess its not hurting anyone but i just think it's doing a disservice to the actaul complexities #of his relationships with his brothers #and honestly all the reasons people say he has it is just. like normal eldest sibling pressures and expectations #yes bruce isn't necessarily a normal parent but still.#i think things ive done like caring for infants doing kids homework making dinner doing laundry paying for groceries and field trips #thankless unpaid babysitting no personal space no privacy #is more relevant to the phrase then the things people say about dick #whatever tbis is just off the cuff dont come at me with a genuine argument because i dont have one #or do ill listen to your case i just dont have the energy to make mine #dick grayson

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lavender---sunshine · 1 year

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in all seriousness i 90% sure im going to quit my job tomorrow and for a while i will have just enough money to live on and will have to spruce up my resume and job hunt and stress but MY GOD i need to do something else because this is making me suicidal