#just everything keeps piling on and on and on

[ddarker-dreams]

What Remains Unspoken.

Yan Chrollo x F Reader x Yan Feitan

Warnings: Yandere themes & unhealthy relationships. Word count: 2.2k.

If there’s anywhere Feitan looks out of his element, it’s in the sun. 

The celestial object serves as his antitheses — warm, bright, and inviting. Given his pallid countenance, he must agree. On the rare occasions you can go outside, he keeps to the shadows, whose darkness could never match the depravity festering inside his rotten soul. You believe night itself would flee from him if it knew a fraction of his crimes. 

When you first saw him enter direct sunlight, a certain superstition overtook you, triumphing over reason. You observed with tentative expectation, waiting for something to happen, whatever that something may be. For his skin to break out into blisters, flesh to sizzle, and howls of agony to dominate the air as he disintegrated into a pile of ash; in short, a demise befitting a monster like himself. Regrettably, this didn’t happen. Disappointment weighed heavy on your chest when he went on his merry way. 

Presently, he stands hidden amidst a cluster of trees, acting every bit the fairytale ghoul your overactive imagination wished him to be. Through the branches' interstices, light speckles his dark outerwear. It’s a hot, balmy day, though evening’s arrival soothes the worst of the heat. 

Unlike him, you’re dressed for the weather. This morning, upon leaving your shower, you found the comfortable clothes you picked out beforehand ‘mysteriously’ replaced. A short, light blue dress featuring a sweetheart neckline and spaghetti straps laid there instead. That wasn’t all. Jewelry, heels, and other various accessories were tossed haphazardly alongside it, like you’d been undecided on what to wear before a first date. Except you hadn’t been the one to get everything out. Feitan was. Prior to that, he never took any interest in what you wore. 

No, that attribute belongs to another, whose memory fills you with sickening dread. 

You sit at a wooden picnic table, examining the park’s abundant foliage. There’s little else for you to do. Feitan’s yet to give any indication as to why you’re here. Typically, his modus operandi consists of stashing you far away from the public’s purview. From time to time, you’ll travel elsewhere, always using methods that limit your potential interactions with others. This part of the park may be less populated, but hikers and families can still stroll by. You take care not to draw attention to yourself when they do. 

Sighing, you stand, fully aware of the eyes monitoring you in the distance. Unsure of what else to do, you approach the last place you spotted Feitan. He says nothing as you approach. You hug yourself, almost regretting your decision to seek him out. By giving you no parameters to work with, you’re left constantly second-guessing yourself, fearing that you’ve broken some unspoken rule. Standing by his side feels like a safer bet than risking a stranger coming over to strike up a conversation. 

“Bored?” Feitan asks. 

You freeze, thinking over your next words with care. If he believes this little outing is a ‘privilege’, you doubt he’d appreciate you maligning it. Then again, he’s suggested creative punishments for your tongue whenever it’s formed a lie. Considering this, you decide it’s best to redirect the conversation. 

“I’m just wondering if there’s anything I should be doing,” you say. When he raises a thin eyebrow, you hastily add, “Sorry, I mean—” 

He flicks your forehead, silencing you. 

“So nervous,” he croons. “Like little rabbit.” 

Irritation bubbles up inside your chest, like a geyser ready to erupt. You want to scoff, as king why he thinks that is, but the provocation goes unchallenged. He isn’t wrong, per se. Every snap of a twig or distant conversation the wind carries instills unease. Endless grisly possibilities swarm your mind. All it could take is a greeting, wave, hell, even a look for Feitan to decide that person’s committed the ultimate transgression. 

Suddenly, this preoccupation flees your mind.

Shivers erupt all over your body. Your breathing halts, as do all other forms of movement. The five senses that categorize and make sense of the world recede, like the shoreline moments before a tsunami. What remains eclipses common sense. It’s this unprovable premonition, a whisper amidst the universe’s chaotic chorus few can ever hear. No tangible stimuli support this phenomenon. You’d believe yourself temporarily mad, if not for one damning detail. 

You’ve felt this before. 

The time you’d been found after your first (and only) escape. 

After a well-meaning Hunter pried you from the shackles of captivity, for less than a minute. 

Then, at the height of your hubris, when you yelled that your first love would be your last. 

The intensity honed to a fine point. It pierced through you like a gunshot, so visceral that you’d check yourself for signs of the wound. You never found anything. You think it was how your brain wanted to make sense of the unknown, mistaking the force of concentrated emotion for a flesh wound. This extremity wasn’t kind, but it wasn’t malevolent either; it was oppressive. Heavy, carnal. A starved beast prowling toward cornered prey. 

When you’d been subjected to this, the subjugator always spoke some variation of— 

“—Apologies. My control waned there, for a moment… but can you blame me?” 

Someone’s touching you. Someone’s cupping your face in their hands, devouring each detail of your being, and Feitan’s letting them. You stumble back, only to be caught. The hands holding you in place are larger than Feitan’s. Warmer too, a little less calloused, though no less stained in oceans of blood. If Feitan’s eyes are knife-like, trying to stab through your skull for any hint at your inner thoughts, then these eyes are calm. Calculating in a way that makes you feel small. 

“You’re lovelier than I remember,” the man murmurs. A breeze passes through, displacing your hair, which he tucks back into place. His lips twitch upward, indicating amusement. “What? Did you believe you’d ridden yourself of me?” 

Despite your reverie, you shake your head. The man before you — Chrollo Lucilfer — smiles. It’s deceptively soft. Had you not known him better, you’d think the fondness he currently regards you with as warm; the gentle flames of a hearth. There are tells that reveal another story. His grip varies in strength as he’s reminded of how delicate you are, indicating a lack of his usual ‘mindfulness.’ You both know he’s putting on a front of normalcy, yet the charade is rarely this lackluster. He descended upon you faster than the human eye could comprehend. There’d been no casual stride, just an impulse to have you as immediately as physics would allow. His pupils are dilated and his cheeks slightly flushed, like you were a substance to get drunk off of. 

The embrace he pulls you into is tight enough to make you squeak. 

You expect him to rile you up, whispering teasing words into your ear, yet he’s silent. Unusually so. He buries his face into the crook of your exposed neck, breathing you in, holding you close. Any pretense of cordiality is dropped as he acts like the greedy man he truly is. This neediness is reminiscent of a child reunited with their lost, favorite toy. 

The unsettling intimacy doesn’t last for long. 

Chrollo releases you from his grasp. The relief is fleeting, as you’re acutely aware of Feitan’s presence. He’s stationed not far behind you, watching the scene in silence. The sadistic man’s capacity to share fully eluded your understanding. From what you can remember, Chrollo’s more willing to discuss their past, but solely on his terms. He’s never explained why Feitan is the way he is, or how he views you. 

“He’s fond of you, in his own way,” is the most you got out of Chrollo, during a late-night talk. “He’s just shy.” 

“It’s good to see you again, Fei,” Chrollo greets. 

Feitan nods — his way of returning the sentiment, you reckon. In Chrollo’s absence, you’ve learned to interpret his behavior to minimize friction. The deference he has for Chrollo is subtle yet undeniable. Others might misinterpret Feitan’s silence as indifference, but you know better. In Chrollo’s presence, he straightens his posture, giving him rapt attention. He follows any order given by his boss. 

Especially those regarding you. 

Ever since that fateful September, Feitan went from a background character in your life to the lead role. He didn’t reveal much, just that you wouldn’t see ‘the boss’ anytime soon, as he needed to ‘fix things.’ York New was a sore subject that you rarely broached. Nearly ten months have passed since you’ve last seen Chrollo. Physically, he’s the same. There are bandages wrapped around his forehead, covering his forehead tattoo. He’s wearing his teal earrings, dark jeans, and a gray v-neck. 

Seeing him now, it’s almost like nothing’s changed. 

Almost. 

“Lost in thought, love?” Chrollo wonders. 

Blinking rapidly, you realize they’re both staring at you, awaiting an answer. 

“You’re… you’re back,” is your genius observation.

“I am.” 

“You were… um… gone,” you fiddle with your fingers, “For a long time.” 

“I was,” he agrees with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. You see dark circles forming beneath them. “This entire affair has proven itself tedious. No matter. In a few short days, it’ll all be over.” 

“There’s more to take care of?” 

He hums, the sound low and somehow eerie. “You could put it that way. Originally, I was going to wait until after I evened one last score to see you, but impatience got the best of me.” 

“Ah,” you shift your weight from foot to foot. “That explains it, then.” 

“Explains what, dear?” 

“You seem, I don’t know… off? Creepy to the second power? Cubed?” 

Chrollo gives you a blank stare. Feitan’s hissing something about how you ‘talk too much,’ his displeasure evident. It dawns on you then that you haven’t interacted with Chrollo in so long, it’s possible his tolerance for your nonsense isn’t what it once was. Especially considering the state he’s in now. Regret churns your insides as silence fills the air, thickening it like smoke. You think to apologize, only to recall their dislike for insincerity. Feitan never wanted apologies, whereas Chrollo accepted them if proven genuine through a rigorous process. 

You wince at the sound Chrollo muffles behind his hand. 

Then, much to your disbelief, it evolves into a chuckle. 

His shoulders tremble as his eyes turn crescent-shaped, gleaming with mirth. He shakes his head and clears his throat. After a few seconds, he regains control of himself, though his posture is less rigid. This visage aligns better with your memories of him. He liked pretending he was ordinary — almost as much as you liked pretending to believe him. 

Feitan clicks his tongue. “This girl… always says. Never thinks.” 

“You must admit, it’s a cute habit,” Chrollo says.

To this, Feitan mutters a phrase in his native language, turning his gaze away from you. 

You cross your arms over your chest. They both had an irritating tendency to talk about you like you weren’t present, a pet peeve you hadn’t had to deal with in a while. The candidness they displayed made you wonder what they spoke about when you weren’t around. A pandora’s box best left unopened, surely. 

Chrollo pries one of your hands free to hold in his own. “Words cannot convey how much I missed you."

He follows this admission up by kissing the back of your hand.

“... I can’t stick around much longer, I’m afraid,” he murmurs. “Bear with me a while longer.” 

Another chaste kiss. After allowing his lips to linger on your skin a while longer, he relinquishes his grip, tucking his hands into his pockets to deter him from further indulgence. 

Unexpectedly, it’s Feitan who shifts the topic. 

“Boss,” he speaks, now lurking by your side. “She watch the fight?” 

Furrowing your eyebrows, you glance between them, thrown off by the cryptic language. Truthfully, you don’t want to know about whatever it is Chrollo has to do. From what you can glean, it’s likely to involve people getting hurt or dying. You’ve learned the best way to keep your conscience clean is to remain ignorant. If you press on certain issues, Feitan will gleefully overshare gritty details you could’ve gone without. 

His response is swift and firm. “No, not this one.” 

“... That bad?” Feitan asks. When all Chrollo does is smile, he adds, “Heh. Poor clown.” 

Chrollo’s phone vibrates in his pocket. Upon reading the caller’s name, he steps away. “Keep an eye on her for me a while longer, Fei.” 

The aforementioned man grunts. 

Chrollo spares you a long, final look. 

His lips part, as if he intends to say something, before they shut. Inquisitive, you tilt your head, not used to him hesitating. He’s always projected this self-assured image — untouchable, near omnipotent. Flaws don’t suit him. There's this invisible screen that separates you from men like him and Feitan. Their access to abilities beyond comprehension elevates them, setting them apart..

You prefer it that way. Categorizing them as 'others' is easier than reconciling the fact their more human than infernal.

Eventually, he gives you an unusually reserved smile. 

"After everything's over, I'll find you."

[bluedew]

what makes you foolish?

because not all pick a cards are going to be about lovey dovey and happy things. good night. please actually think about this instead of brushing it off.

warning: i'm very, very blunt in this and if you can't take a hit to the ego you should not interact with this. this is tough love.

--

PILE 1:

because you continue to trust and keep immature people in your life. you probably wouldn't take a signal from the universe to keep these people out of your life even if a big ass sign on the highway with this message appeared. yes, people can grow. yes, they can change. yes, having hope for people is good. but is it time for you to let them go? also yes! if you keep letting these people in your life, you're going to keep disrespecting yourself. the people you spend time with are a reflection of you as a person. would you be happy with that?

PILE 2:

you refuse to see your own beauty to the point of despising yourself. you can find shards of beauty in every single person but yourself. you have trouble seeing who you are as a person and therefore have determined that none of you deserves a chance, and that you are unlovable, unforgivable, a vile creature. this isn't true, and before jumping into escapism tactics and relationships (be it friendship, romantic, etc) you must spend time with yourself and learn to love yourself.

PILE 3:

you don't see your own mistakes as bad but you see them in others and immediately put them down. deep down you realize this is wrong, but you can't admit to yourself that you want to be a good person so you stay content with what you are. also, you're a very angry person and you act without thinking. i think you're a good person, pile 3, but everything i've just mentioned only happens because you act out of a fear that you will never be loved and accepted as a good person, so why be good? you must realize that there's growth for you.

[tarotwithavi]

What is it like to be loved by you?

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

How to choose a pile?

Close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask the angels to show you the right pile for you and open your eyes. The first pile that catches your attention is the right pile for you.

I have been scammed recently and am now in urgent need of money. I would appreciate any kind of help you can offer.

Scammer Alert

Masterlist

Paid services

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT 🫶🏻💝

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Pile 1

Being loved by you feels like walking through a calm meadow at dusk, where the sunset warms everything it touches. It's comforting yet sometimes brings a touch of sadness, wrapping people in a mix of feelings that sway between happiness and longing. Your love is like a gentle storm, stirring hearts with whispers of desire and moments of peace. When people are with you, they find comfort, a quiet place in the midst of life's chaos. Your love is like a soft melody that plays in the background of their days, a constant feeling deep inside. It's like dancing freely, where each move follows the beat of their hearts. But your love isn't just sunshine on a clear day; it's also the rain that nurtures their soul. It's tears that cleanse and heal, washing away doubts and fears. Your love is like a beautiful song with both strong and tender parts, where every rise leads to a peaceful end. Loving you means navigating life's ups and downs, embracing imperfections, knowing you see them as both flawed and perfect. Your love is an adventure with no map, where every turn brings new discoveries, and each moment feels endless.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Pile 2

You make people feel like they're floating in a realm of pure magic when you love them. Your love is a bright light that fills their world with pure happiness, coloring every moment with vibrant joy and wonder. Yet, in this enchanting feeling, they sometimes feel like ghosts wandering through deep emotions. Your love touches them so deeply that it stirs echoes of vulnerability and uncertainty. It's like they're dancing between different feelings, feeling both the warmth of your love and the quiet fears inside them. But in this delicate dance of emotions, there's a beauty that mixes with their worries. Your love challenges them to face their vulnerabilities and fears, guiding them through doubts towards a clearer understanding of themselves and your relationship. It's a journey where success isn't just measured by regular standards, but by the growth and courage they find within themselves. Your love encourages them to embrace every part of who they are, even the parts that might seem fleeting or unnoticed. So, I want you to know that being cherished by you is a surreal experience, a beautiful mix of pure happiness and deep self-reflection.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Pile 3

Your love gives people a deep sense of confidence that comes from within, making them feel empowered to face life's challenges with strength and self-belief. It's more than just feeling loved; it's about finding a new assurance in who they are, guided by the warmth of your affection. Being loved by you awakens their spirit to new possibilities, like a seed bursting into bloom after a long slumber. Your love sparks growth, stirring their soul and deepening their connection to the world around them. It's a journey of self-discovery and understanding, where every step forward is lit by the comfort of your embrace. In your presence, they find a delicate balance that brings together life's joys and difficulties with grace. Your love acts as a steady anchor, keeping them grounded amid life's ups and downs, ensuring they face each day with resilience and inner peace. Your love fills them with a warmth and tenderness that words can't fully express. It envelops them completely, like a gentle hug that stays in their heart. The depth of emotion you bring overwhelms them with gratitude and joy, feelings that go beyond words. Being loved by you is a really divine experience.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

[brujamala-aka-gigi]

a tarot reading just in case you need to remember this: it's okay to be a bitch.

we all know good vibes, kindness and empathy are amazing traits and etc BUT... there's shitty people who don't deserve that and some of us can't pretend like we are not full of anger. "negative" emotions are just as valid as "positive" ones, they contribute to our growth and our character, and they also keep us same from further harm.

pile 1 pile 2 pile 3

pick a pile and let's find out what type of "bitch" behavior can bring something good to your life.

MASTERPOST & PAID SERVICES

xoxo gigi <3

images from pinterest and dividers by @ithemes 

plz excuse the shit quality pictures of the cards, i'm working on that but i didn't realize how bad they were until i uploaded them :(

btw I'm doing a poll so you can pick a day when its convenient for you and me to do an ask game on here, answer some questions with my tarots and give away readings from my menu.

Pile Number One

Hello there! So, the cards on this reading are mostly “positive” if we take a superficial approach, and ignore the prompt of this reading. What I see here is that, although there’s a sense of brightness, joy and enthusiasm that is typically associated with your identity, there’s a lot of your inner world that it’s not getting any chances to be manifested into your daily life. I think many people assume you are happier than you actually feel, and many people think the joys and blessings of your life came to you out of nowhere, they think you’re naturally successful, when in reality you are quite the hard worker. Nobody likes to be realistic in the struggle to achieve anything, so it's understandable to some extent that people are not seeing the actual strength and patience that it took you to be where you are. 

Personally, I think that sometimes it’s really hard to fight back against misconceptions on how hard do we actually have to work in order to get something, it’s even harder when people don’t allow you to express anger, and belittle any feeling that it’s not as comfortable to be around as your usual “good vibes”. You are the type of person who everyone is too lazy to understand beyond their own romantic ideas of you. Don’t let others dehumanize you like that, you are a person, not a secondary character in someone’s love life, or the sweet innocent sidekick, or the girl next door, or whatever. Embrace everything that makes you complex and misunderstood, as these are the things that will bring you closer to people who are actually interested in your true self. 

But, there’s absolutely nothing wrong if you’re being strategic about who gets to see your most genuine version and who doesn’t. I see a lot of prosperity for you in the future, and you might not be able to appreciate this now, but your career choices will make you quite happy eventually. Take a lot of time to reflect on the people you want to keep around you, trust your intuition and prioritize your mental health, don’t be afraid to communicate your emotions in ways that others might find uncomfortable, in the worst case, by doing this you will find out who actually deserves your time and energy. And please, don’t fall for the first person who shows any kind of romantic interest, this is not a great moment for you to deal with a relationship, as there’s some emotional work to do first. Be persistent with how you take care of yourself, be patient and kind to you in the same way you are with others. 

Pile Number Two

What I’m seeing a lot on these cards is a lack of closure and proper communication about it. I’m not necessarily talking about a situation that hasn’t been settled yet, but more so about the fact that you are able to perceive things deeper than the average person and whenever you can, you do go ahead and take the actions necessary in order to get things going in the way you know best. You are someone who moves quickly and efficiently, but others who are more dogmatic in their ways are beginning to find issue with this, forcing you to conform to spaces where everyone knows you are too overqualified to be in. 

I don’t think you are someone who is submissive or someone who allows people to walk all over you, but I see that you’re trying to find less conflictive approaches to issues and situations that you are used to solving in more explosive ways. Behaving in a more “diplomatic” or “assertive” way is not exactly what works for you, but at this point it is necessary that you learn to tolerate being put in this position. I don’t see you losing your values or your ideals, not even your personal strength. But I am concerned that you might be doubting yourself with things that are so bonded to your nature that you haven’t even thought twice about so far, and rightly so! You’re lucky that your determination and passionate ways, even when proving an inconvenience to others who don’t get it, has been channeled in such proactive ways. 

At this point, all I can tell you is that whenever you are being forced to remain in stagnation due to self doubt, you shouldn't attribute this to your lack of will to stick to norms and traditions, but more so, this situations happen because people around you need to catch up with what you already saw and processed. This means that many times you will have to choose between waiting or moving on by yourself. Be strategic about this, and always make sure that there are comfortable places for when you need to reflect and relax. Yes, many things have gone right for you by moving impulsively and following your gut, but imagine how much more you could accomplish if you took some time to plan. 

There’s nothing wrong with your creativity thriving in chaotic environments, there’s nothing wrong with being confrontational and hot headed, absolutely nothing bad about being perceived as hot headed and impulsive… just be more mindful on how to channel these parts of yourself. 

Pile Number 3

Okay, this is a complex set of cards for a complex and sensitive person.  What I'm seeing here is this sort of nostalgia other people have for a version of you that was painful to live for yourself. I think plenty of people were feeling too comfortable with you when you were not on top of your game or working towards your own personal happiness. I feel like you are now beginning to find new ways of questioning and deconstructing ideas and actions that are no longer serving your deeper desires, and you are sharing this with people who are not willing to join you in this path, while also alienating you from your own power to manifest into existence the person you want to become. 

As you are beginning to move away from spaces of comfort that were designed for a weakened version of yourself, you will realize there’s plenty of facades and deceitful half truths. It’s a shame that all you have during this moment is your own emotional intelligence and a well justified sense of hope, nobody should face things like this on their own. But being realistic, solitude is a strength in your case, and you will soon find out that this journey was meant to give you consciousness about the powers and strength, many have tried to hide from you in order for them to keep the spotlight. 

Don’t let others force you into being someone who is only an ornament or a tool for keeping a facade. Even if you are naturally generous, kind, empathetic, and altruistic, it’s not a betrayal of those values to focus on growing outside places that don’t deserve all your sensitivity. This is a moment where you will find plenty of personal characteristics that many have ignored or belittled, cultivate those and nurture your ability to exist on your own terms. You have more control than you think, and far more tools than you imagine. It takes bravery and intellect to take the steps you are taking into finding new ways of being yourself, while also being celebrated and respected. 

Always remember that many times, others will make you believe something crucial to you is a defect, or a disadvantage, but it’s up to you if you’re taking into consideration the thoughts of someone who doesn’t know why you are who you are, and who you are trying to be. (You shouldn't).

[laguezze]

PAC: A letter you're meant to receive

I'm baaaaack~ (kinda) (pretty casually, life's been tough)

As always here are the rules:

Minors DNI

Don't take everything to heart, this is a general reading! Take what resonates!

It's honest, I don't sugarcoat. If you're not liking what you read, keep scrolling! It may not be for you or you may not be ready for that message yet!

Let's take a look at the piles!!!

Pile 1

Pile 2

Pile 3

Let's go!

Pile 1

Signs this may be for you: unicorn, South Korea , the letter S, Squirrels, Love, Skydiving, birthday, anniversary, 12, 6, 16, 2006, 2001, 2026, 1970s, Billie Eilish, John Lennon, glasses.

Dear ____,

How could you think I'm not proud of you? How could you think that minor thing you did would erase all the love I feel for you? It doesn't. I don't think anything can at this point. You're human, you're allowed to make mistakes. And while I do still think you need help, you're still doing your best, even though you don't feel like it. You're trying and I see that. You're wonderful and magical and although your light is dimmed at the moment, I know there's a bright sun under that blanket of darkness you're currently holding over your head. Everything will be ok. Have you ever not gotten a resolution to your conflict? Trust me. You're going to be fine. Let yourself be, enjoy the people around you, breathe. Treat your life like you treat your dreams. Be as excited as you can. You're alive! And while you are not responsible for this darkness that has been placed upon you, you are the only one that can take it off. I understand it's difficult, but you can do it. You're tired of fighting, but you're not just anyone. You're a legend. Legends don't have it easy. Go get them.

Pile 2

Signs this may be for you: Harry Styles, Fashion school, blood drives, nurse, 😜, smoke, laughter, blonde, blue eyes, "that boy is mine", 0%, Rihanna, water, rain, Hawaii, Jumping, Rave, Cindy, the letter C, N, and A. Numbers 5, 8, and 30, AMANDA.

Hello, it's been a while.

How are you?

This is awkward, you probably didn't expect to hear from me. I have been okay, I honestly can't stop thinking about us and how it ended. It pains me to think that you left with the impression that I didn't care. I do. I did. I just want to let you know that in another life, maybe we should try again. I don't have much to say, I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to tell you this. It's so basic. I'm being channeled right now (ok aware) and it's weird because it shouldn't be this deep but I really wanted to come through and say sorry. And say that I know you miss me and I do too. And one day we will reunite and we might be able to show our love then. Sorry it ended that way. Sorry that was the last you knew of me. I think of you each day, I dream of you each night.

Pile 3

Signs this may be for you: YES GIRL, happy, cheerful, spaghetti, squash, "I'm allergic", ibuprofen, love is in the air, matchmaker, fruits, VSCO, musically, Harmony, dating apps, Jenna, Lisa, "I stan", Twitter account, laughs, pigs, 25, 23, 2022, 2001, 2000, Beyonce.

Wow, am I impressed with you,

Not only are you grown and beautiful, you're also such a good person. I'm immensely proud of you. You're doing exactly what you need to, you're living life to the fullest and I am here for it. Remember our trips to the beach? I miss you. You should call more often. I love that you're meeting new people and having fun but sometimes I need to see you and hear from you. Please call me from time to time. I know I may seem clingy, but I just miss your presence. I also don't know when I'll actually see you next, you've become so unexpected and exciting. I love you, that's why I need to hear from you. Tell me everything, I'll listen. I'm here for you and I want what's best. Come back from time to time. Please. That's the only thing I ask of you at this time. I can't say this to you normally, you'd get uncomfortable. But please listen and take this opportunity. Let's talk more often! I wanna be part of your life again! 🥰

Hope it resonates! 💕

[grind-pantera]

Cleopatra. ( Caesar x Pregnant! Human Reader, Drabble Series. POTA )

I should not listen to myself i said 5 drabbles well well here we are with like 6 and close to 7K words and most of them are smaller oneshots AH. Reblogs, likes, comments all appreciated. I am working on a similiar piece for NOAAAAA!!!!

Beginnings. ( Drabble 1. )

You felt like you couldn’t breathe - the air was sticking onto your lungs, coating them in ashen dust that was laying on the ground of the woods. You needed to move --- Okay, maybe not, grunting that inside of your mind as you attempted to shift your head just a bit to get a bearing onto your surroundings proved futile as red hit your eyes and your neck convulsed under the usual movement. Pain radiated from the back of your head, down to the base of your neck and stagnantly danced on the nerves piled there. Even shifting to press your hand against your stomach was an endeavor and even then, the blood that was on the palm of your hand… You squinted at it, fear setting in as the last drop of whatever adrenaline you had faded into obscurity.

 Was… Was that your blood? Trying to swallow was impossible, planting your face down into the mud and letting out a strangled cry as you attempted to move once again, your teeth gritting against each other but in the scape of the situation, that felt heavenly as compared to the tattering that was running through your muscles. Saliva began mixing into the already impure snow under your body having been mixed previously with mud. One foot, you tried to convince yourself. You just needed one… On… One… Looking down at your right foot as you managed to get yourself kneeling, accomplishment was short-lived as your ears rang, your center of gravity disappearing as did your vision. Falling back, your body was hard to hit the ground. 

In a fitted haze of unconsciousness, you could have sworn you were… Swooped up in one foul move by a set of arms that were much hairier than a humans. Warm, you had thought to yourself, but that could be swelling in your brain telling you that death was on the horizon. Death… Sounded nice versus the incredible tremors of your body, throwing into a it of hypothermia, a cusp of bruises and cut-marks aligning against your already frigid skin to the point where it felt you were going to shatter into shards if you were moved too quickly, to feverishly. How selfishly you wanted to open the door where the knock was coming from. But you had more to think about than just yourself now. 

Flinching at the pain of your abdomen, a pair of hands were astute enough to deduce your intensely fragile situation. 

What… is happening?

Voice of God, it had to be. It trembled in a deep setting baritone, hard and unforgiving. Yes, you wanted to cry, I am with Child but I… Can’t find it in myself… to live…

Found in woods! Nearby Human Camp--- This voice was light and airy but you were unable to process the words that came after that, your mind bending into a haze as you tried to get yourself into a state of lucidity so you could actually focus.  Brought back to Colony when saw she was still alive.

Colony? You wanted to tilt your head but in your jilted state, you were unable to move.

With Child. Not far along, but both will survive if we keep her here and heal.

This voice was a bit more soft spoken, gentle and caressing like the hands that were now placed on your head, your eyes refusing even the most basic of knowledge from your brain to get them open. It smelt like conifer, the highest tree possible, a bird sitting atop and watching the inklings of the ground below its mighty perch. Heaven? There was a lax in the air of contemplation before the baritone voice from earlier spoke. 

She will stay, do what you can to heal. 

And with that command and your mind taking itself to the darkness, even in the state of your eyelids being shut, everything went black. 

Empathetic Ape. ( Drabble 2. )

It did not take long after you finally willed yourself out of your semi-coma to realize that you… Had been taken prisoner by a Colony of Apes. In your mind, you drew the conclusion from the snippets of the conversation you got when you were first brought here in your altered state of reality that… They had found you. Half-alive and brought you back to the Colony at the bid of their King. This… Your eyes narrowed a small bit as you looked over the giant and sweeping bonfire that was built in the middle of this communal space. This Caesar. 

There was irony in the name itself, and you just had to wonder if he knew that. You had woken up nearly a month ago, fading in and out, but able to keep yourself stable enough to process that… They were being kind in healing you. They knew, you drew your arms closer to your stomach as you tightened the animal pelt around your shoulders and gave Caesar a wide stare as he looked over at you, your actions must have torn him from his conversation with the others around him. They knew you were pregnant. They must have thought they were sparing you, not telling you the detailed nature of the camp when they had found you. The--- You choked a small cry, tears pricking at the back of your eyes. The bodies. Your friends. Your family. Your--- Squeezing your eyelids shut, you couldn’t bear to think about it any longer and forced a swallow down before looking at the fire rather blandly. “Do not know… much,” That voice! You jumped on your spot, clutching the pelt even harder and causing your knuckles to go white. Your eyes scaled from the jumping flames, up the hackles of an Apes legs and rested uncomfortably in a sea of green, ablaze from the depths of the fire itself. You swallowed lightly, watching him move in petulant silence as he sat next to you, bowl in his hand. Caesar. Caesar. Your mind was wailing like an old police car.

“About human… Pregnancy.” No shit, you wanted to retort sarcastically but you held your tongue as he held out the bowl in his hand. Fruit. And… You squinted. Roasted fish? Your stomach churned at the prospect of having something other than a slurry of ground up food, something the Apes that were aiding you to heal often fed you as a means to get the food down as fast as possible. Faster, no chance of morning sickness, right? Wrong. You found yourself kneeling over and getting sick more times than you could count. “Might be similar to Ape, but do not know.” In between his choppy English, you grasped the plate carefully with one hand and brought it into your chest with the smallest ‘thank you’. It wasn’t as if the Female Apes that were healing you were awful, they weren’t cordial though. It felt they only did what they needed to to appease the Ape next to you. Strong, mighty and all encompassing Caesar. “I am…” You had begun eating, chewing mildly so as to not disturb the tone of Caesar’s voice. Waving right around the edges, or it could have been your imagination in the front of the roar of a fire, “Sorry…” Furrowing your eyebrows at that, you picked the fish with your pointer finger, suddenly not at all invested in eating as bile switched in your throat. “Lost my mate,” He continued on, your eyes dead-set and widening as you realized he was… displaying empathy. Your mind fogged for a moment. They were capable of that? “Only recently,” Gesturing to the perch you had found yourself watching him on earlier in the evening, he was making direction towards the broader chest of one of the Females that took care of you here. Squinting, you gasped quietly. They were so small, so ingrained in the fur that it was hard to tell there was a baby there, until their tiny head turned to the side and much to your surprise, you were met with a mild azure rather than the scrutiny of green you were so used to. “Blue Eyes, my Son. Mother lost after… Birth.” Not meaning to seem rude, your tried to keep your mouth from falling open dramatically, but it did partially split. “Complications from childbirth?” Surprised at the gentle nature of your voice, you felt a tear slide down your right cheek and you were quick to brush it away. Like it mattered, once one started, there was a flood soon to come. He only nodded, silent and a bit less intimidating than the times you had seen him, times you had interacted before this. “I---” you choked a bit, looking down at the bowl in your hands that Caesar was gracious enough to bless you with, “Don’t know wh-what happened to my husband… Was…” Narrowing your eyes in slight suspicion, you glanced over at him briefly when your voice tapered into nothingness but you forced yourself to speak the next question with no animosity. You needed to know the answer. “Was it Apes?” He’d know the answer, you bargained. Being a King and all. That’s what it was to be a Leader. You knew the good, and you knew the bad. And even worse than all of that, you knew the carnage. “No.” He was assured in that answer as his gaze met yours once again, this time, instead of finding yourself looking away, you drifted towards it, towards some comfort that someone else… Knew about the absolute torn away nature of your heart and how it was so empty now.

“Humans.” There was a twinge of assurance in his voice as he rose, gesturing to the bowl he had given you. “Keep strength up. Not just for yourself, but for…” His eyes flickered down to your stomach, minute in nature but he may as well have been gawking at you. “Child.”

Baby Blue. ( Drabble 3. )

A few months passed and you found yourself easing into the Colony, despite the disgruntled comments you got from a certain Bonobo who shall not be named. That was your nickname for him, and that’s how it remained as Winter fell off and Spring blossomed, the wildflowers bustled through the ground, through the snow that was still encapsulating its livelihood. All of it was going to be gone by the end of the day, you thought mildly as you looked at the Sun.

Taking a bid from Caesar himself, you were basking in the rays, sitting atop a rather comfortable tree trunk that had been rolled onto its side as a means to be sat on. He had convinced you to leave your hut earlier in the day, telling you that Sun was good for Ape pregnancy, it must be good for Humans. There was no intense argument to be made as you gave him a delicate smile, nodding in agreement and finding yourself drenched deliciously in mild-warmth, your scattered and torn paperback book sitting in your lap. 

Looking down at it… You felt a deep yearning and pressing sensation hit your chest. You were showing. Not much, you were sure that the other Apes had yet to notice any change with you, not that you could blame them. As you got adapted to living with them, you became just another part of Colony life and they paid you no heed. Unless you were late for meals. Then Luca was on you ( something you thought that Caesar was responsible for, but it turns out the Silverback was genuinely concerned for you at times ).

 In your time here, he had become your closest ally, even going as far as to call him a friend. He made gentle comments, telling you how glowing you looked today, something he must have heard through the grapevine that humans said about pregnancy, he told you how wonderful it was that your baby was developing, and that you were beginning to actually show. He had explained that with Apes, they all grew small. Small to the point where it was undetectable. You envied that, placing a soft hand against your bump and sighed deeply. Soon, no Ape here would be able to walk past you without gawking, without it looking like you had stolen a ripe melon and decided to shove it under your shirt. 

There was chittering to your side, your head wiping over to investigate. Not too quickly though, even though time had passed, your neck still felt sore if you went to fast in your movements. Blue Eyes, much like yourself, was growing. The phase of always clinging to a Female, or even better, your guilty pleasure when you wanted to see something abnormally cute, clinging to Caesar’s chest, were coming to a close and he was becoming more curious of the world around him, much like yourself.

Chuckling at the fact that you were drawing comparisons to a baby Chimp, you grunted and picked him up as he so often liked to held by you when you would read pages from your book. He had to learn speech, right? And who better to learn from than from a Human who had impeccable --- Well, you tilted your head and smiled at the baby as he crawled himself up your arm, around your shoulder and then back down the other arm, decent skills in English. 

He paused at the same time that you did, a fluttering capturing your abdomen. Was that… It happened again, this time more fervently, your mouth falling into an ‘O’ shape, and any Ape who saw you at this moment were probably assuming that you were laughing. “Did… did you feel that?” You bent your head down and gawked at Blue Eyes, who gave you a small tilt of the head as he placed his dainty hand right upon the top of your bump. Right where you had felt the sensation. The butterflies - The - The… Your baby. 

“You felt that.” Confirming that, Blue Eyes hooted in your lap as a response. You had no idea what he was saying as tears hit the back of your eyes as your face contorted. You began openly sobbing, not a care in the world if anyone saw you. 

Caesar was perched in his normal spot, having just dismissed the council. Koba lingered as he usually did, giving comments about you, about you being with child and how dangerous of a game it really was. But, the King was in no mood to listen to that and told Koba that he would need time to think about his words and they could discuss at a later time.

Blue Eyes-- He had jumped off Caesar’s shoulder mid-meeting. Probably scavenging somewhere for some berries, most likely pestering you though as that slowly became the small Prince’s favorite pastime. Not that Caesar was one to complain. It came with benefits. You were good with Blue Eyes, you were gentle and kind and it gave Caesar actual time with his own thoughts without having to dally on his child. 

He peered down the rock ledge. Spotting you was easy, your scent often gave away your where-abouts to Caesar. Green eyes hit the back of your head first, admiring the tousel of your hair on this particular day and how it appeared naturally highlighted in the sunshine.

You had been reading, Caesar’s suspicions confirmed. Blue Eyes was with you and was most likely getting a mouth full from whatever you were reading to him. Then the shaking of your shoulders. Caesar’s eyes narrowed upon seeing his Son’s small hand on your stomach. He wasn’t… No, no, Blue Eyes wasn’t hurting you, the gentle touch he had was too soft to inflict damage of any sort. Watching in contemplation of whether he wanted to go down there and see what was happening, he saw your hand come up as you lightly placed it on Blue Eyes’, holding it against the shelf of your stomach that was becoming more pronounced. Caesar stopped himself from moving and just… Surveyed. He could hear your mild words fluttering through the air like dandelion seeds. “I think it’s a boy.” Chittering from Blue Eyes. “A girl? Are you sure?”

Camp. ( Drabble 4. )

Caesar had told you that on their most recent delectation of Hunting, on top of snagging a few Elk for the Colony, they had fallen upon what appeared to be a deserted human settlement. He estimated it had been abandoned for only a year, maybe less. Some of the things were coated finely in dust from the woods, no implications that it had been there since the beginning of the Flu and it was in remarkable condition.

He didn't dig into it though, unsure of what items you were in more need of than others and had chosen to come back home and tell you of it. You were prompt to accept the offer to go with him two days from when he told you, now in the present you were teetering yourself to keep balance on the uneven floor of the woods, opting to walk when you were concerned of riding a horse while pregnant. He told you it wasn’t much farther, having left shortly after dawn and stopping a few times as you severely needed to relieve yourself behind a tree, having to tell the Ape King himself not to watch you as he was pretty concerned you could be attacked while out of his sight. Ideas flurried in your mind as you drew closer, Caesar having just stopped to take in the surroundings.

He banked right, and you were quick to follow. You thought about what pieces of clothing you had. Things were beginning to not fit, you were rounding out and getting plump. Your favorite cargo pants were hanging on by a literal hair-tie that you had been using to keep them shut by the front button, your favorite shirt… Well, the Apes, you joked in your head, must have been tired of seeing the bottom of your stomach always innately displayed. 

Some larger shirts would do the trick, nothing needed to be Maternity in a world where that was considered a privilege and luxury. To put things plainly, as you had told the Ape King, who was kind enough now to give you a helping hand right down a small embankment, his other hand coming to ghost right under your bump to keep your center of gravity, leaving you with a wild tinted blush against your cheek when you scuffled against him, chest to bump for a few seconds, beggars could not be choosers. 

Pulling away from Caesar’s grasp was never an easy thing. You wanted nothing more than to sink into him, sink into the tender moments where he had you alone, and vice versa. The late nights of restlessness you found yourself in at times, thinking of your lost family, your husband, the conversations in front of the dying fire where he had finally laid bare his feelings and emotions about the loss of his wife.

Spotting glances through the day, Caesar laid his hands on you only when he was easing to help you. He had taken note that while Cornelia was small, and Chimpanzees were known to carry small, you were quite a delicious spectacle to his eyes in all the best ways and he considered your attention something he actively sought now, though, he was unsure if he was willing to ease himself into admitting that. 

Rounding a large Red Wood, your eyes were witnessed to the camp. If you felt like running, you would surely do that but the fear of falling flat on your face stopped you as you tore away from Caesar and trekked ahead of him, only giving him a glance over your shoulder as if you were asking if it was okay to go in front of him. He did not nod, but he didn't object as you gave him a smile and quickened your pace, hand on the underside of your growing baby to keep yourself steady enough as you sauntered.

The outside was remarkably sparse, nothing to really indicate that Humans had been there, other than a firepit and a few strewn bags like they packed and left in a hurry. But, once you were able to really get your teeth sunk into the abandoned building, from the set up of an old restaurant of sorts, you were able to get a taste of things you had missed. You felt like crying as you came upon a table with a few pieces of clothing on it. Upon further inspection, they were Men’s, XL. Without hesitation, they were placed into the bag that Caesar had provided for the occasion. Three shirts, one red, one black and one white. Basic, but you were bursting at the seams. All you needed were some pants! Maybe some undergarments if there were any. It felt like you were in a retail store! So exciting---

Feet coming to a slow pause they eventually stopped moving and billow of dust remained underfoot. Your eyes wanted to blink, but you were unable to stop. Caesar must have seen you, having rounded you and obscured your vision from what you were focused on in a darkened corner. He didn't touch you, he wasn’t sure if that was allowed as tears slid down your cheeks.

One at a time before they came down in a torrential rain. You pushed past him as if he weren’t even there and trailed forward, dropping to your knees without reserve as you grasped the small teddy bear into your hands. There was a name embroidered upon it. Fingers touched the thread, pink in color. Cedar. 

Caesar drew near you carefully, the sob you let out was nothing short of shocking and he felt the hackles of his fur standing on edge as if someone were there intentionally hurting you. 

“A… baby…” You whimpered to him, holding up the bear for him to take. He saw nothing special about it as he grasped it with one hand and you shuffled on your hands and knees, baring the pain it was causing you against the tile flooring and came upon a few tangled up pieces of clothing. Small. So… So very small… “Th-They had a baby…” Crying out again, you grasped the clothing and held it in your hands before falling back onto your butt, “Do-do you think they-they’re still alive?” Caesar had no words, his eyes widened at the turmoil you were suddenly thrusted in. No explanation, perhaps those… Pregnancy hormones you had joked about from time to time, Caesar thought and narrowed his eyes on you. He didn't… know how to comfort you. You were crumbling down right in front of him.

He knew you were going to need help getting off the ground though, and he was careful to crouch next to you. Plucking the baby clothing out of your hand, he placed them lightly onto the floor, your eyes squeezing shut and without a word, you collapsed right against. Caesar was fast to react, grunting a small bit as he moved himself, and then you enough to get your body to sit in his actual arms rather than against him.

“B-B-B-...” You stuttered, the Ape hoisting you upwards to get you out of the dusty nature of the floor, you clung onto him tightly. “Do-Do you think they…” Caesar surged a bit at your implied questions, grasping you that much tighter. The side of your bump conformed against his broad chest. “I--- I am sure they got out. That they are fine.” He did not feel comfortable bluntly lying about something that he had no basis for, but as the tears fell from your eyes, as you grasped his forearm tightly, your fingers digging to the point where you were touching his skin and no longer his fur, Caesar didn't care. He’d lie his tongue off just to get you to a sense of comfort. 

Bumping Foreheads. ( Drabble 5. )

The water surging against your back felt incredible. Pressing your hands to the small of your back, right above your tailbone you grunted gently and eased back into the chill of the small waterfall you had been blessed to enjoy in the spotting Summer evenings. It was still early in the season, but it was beckoning you more and more to enjoy. You knew that Caesar was in the area - probably only meters away, and paying his eyes attention elsewhere as to not see you naked, but his hearing and his scent were always on the prowl. Three times a week he’d bring you to the secluded waterfall, letting you bathe and release the tension he knew that your body was going through. 

You were large - to the point where you had accidentally bumped into a bowl of blueberries this morning and it went tumbling down the rock face. Before you managed to cry though, Blue Eyes began eating them right off the ground and Caesar even blessed you with a mild joke of ‘they… are not completely… ruined’. That did make you feel better as you sniffled and nodded in agreement. All things were cleared away when you took in the water, letting the chill seep into your pores as you tilted your head backwards to let it drain against your face. Feeling the kick on the side of your stomach, you winced at the severity of it against your ribs as your baby had turned to start playing against the bones there to let you know they were content with the water too. Maybe a bit cold for their tastes, but they were snuggly inside of your stomach, wrapped in eternal warmth until you were ready. Until they were ready, you thought, laughing and pressing your fingers against the side of your abdomen. They reacted right away to your touch, something like a hand or foot pushing back and you took in the sight of your stomach stretching with their movements. 

You had no care in the world anymore. Hell, you thought to yourself in your bliss of the moment, you’d let Caesar see you bare in all your glory. It was the most comfortable. Clothes were restricting, especially in the heat that started to stick around in the early afternoons into the evenings. You thought about that again… You’d… Let Caesar see you either way. The vague notion left you more than amused. He must have thought it pretty grotesque what your body was doing to itself in a bid to grow another Human. 

The stretching of your skin, the wild-card emotions that you became comfortable letting loose around him, your breasts were unfortunately too big for any of your undergarments and you were unable to find one that was accommodating and you ended up going the last few weeks without one. You could have sworn you’d seen him staring at them, but that could have just been in your mind as ravishing ideas ran through you and rested rather uncomfortably between your legs when Caesar stared at you a bit too long. How you tried to push aside the feeling.

The pestering in the back of your head. Maybe, just the hormones, you tried to convince yourself over and over. You were pregnant, you were alone… It made sense, right? To… Want to be… satisfied? Your thoughts came to a slow stop as you looked down at yourself. Unable to see your feet, you still wiggled your toes like you were able to and sighed deeply. He probably found you unattractive beyond belief. 

“Are you… done?” Caesar asked, not shouting but loud enough for you to hear over the waterfall itself. He was close, as you had suspected, his deep baritone coming from the right of you. “Nearly sundown.”

“Yes. Can you toss my blanket on the shore for me to grab?” You asked, waddling yourself out of the water's way and into the open space of the small river that the water trickled into, grasping your hair and wringing it out. That was the rule. He’d throw your blanket on the ground, you’d wrap yourself up in it so he couldn’t see you naked, and you’d dry yourself, re-cloth your body and head back to the Colony, less than a click to the west. 

With your arms still in your hair and your eyes shut as you enjoyed the last feelings of water against you, you could hear Caesar moving. Figuring that the blanket had been placed previously, you thought nothing of it and thought that he was just moving out of the way again as to not see you bare. Releasing your hair with a small groan, you opened your eyes and looked at the shore. Green.

Green eyes.

Green eyes staring at you.

Green eyes staring at you while you were naked.

Caesar didn't move. It appeared he was completely frozen, blanket still in his hands and you were flashing him without reserve. If you were able to move quickly, you were sure you would but you found it difficult to do as you wadded through the water with a fast paced waddle. At least, it was fast for you, it probably looked pretty comical to the Ape. Caesar was still frozen, his eyes had drifted downwards towards your chest to linger for a moment before they finally rested right on your bump. Protruding… And not appealing, you groaned internally and clutched the blanket right out of his hand and untangled it. 

“Caesar.”

Nothing, he was still looking at your bump as you wrapped the blanket around your shoulders. “Caes--” Your hands were grasped. Actually, it was more or less your wrists and with one swoop, the blanket was pooling at your feet and you brought your knees together for a moment when he caught eyes with you before they trailed right back down your body. Supple breasts, he noted, nice, nice bump, he had only really seen a pregnant human this close to him through the screen of a TV back when he was with Will.

The rounding, dipping between your legs--- Caesar stopped himself at that and trailed his gaze back upwards to rest right on the top of your bump, looking down at it.  Being self-conscious finally hit you as you tried to hide yourself away from the judgment he was placing down on you, but Caesar just… Admired. You supposed that was the right word, you had no premonition as to what he was thinking or what he was do---

Without even asking, his hand was placed on you. Not just on you, but on the bump that encased your baby. Right on the underside of it, he drew his hand in as far in as it would go. Shuddering at the chilly nature of his already leathery skin, your eyes widened, mouth ajar as your breathing had picked up.

With your mind racing, you were frantic to look into his eyes to get any idea of what he was thinking, even if it meant you needed to tear his head open just to get a glimpse. Your bottom lip quivered at the feeling, a direct response your body was giving to the fact that you were being touched. No, no… Your knees went weak for a second, but Caesar grasped you with his free hand under your elbow to keep you steady, refusing to relent control on your stomach. You were being caressed. 

“I-I’m probably fatter than the Apes get.” You tried to get him to look at you, you tried to get him to say something other than standing defenseless. “I---” Gasping quietly, Caesar moved his hand from the undercarriage to the top where he brushed the pads of his fingers in the most feather-like way he was able to muster. It tickled, but you bit your tongue in a bid to see what he was doing. You knew, oh how you knew now, he wasn’t going to hurt you. 

“Have never seen…” He started.

“Yeah, well, we get fat.” You joked again, jolting your shoulders forward for you to cup your arms on top of your bump and shield yourself from his eyes. Before you even had a chance to do that though, Caesar's free hand that had previously been cupping your elbow moved. You had no time to react as he cupped the back of your head and brought it towards his own. Breathless, not due to the baby for once, you swallowed hard, shutting your eyes and let it happen. Caesar’s forehead lightly kissed your own.

Lightly at first, but as he tangled his thick fingers into your hair, he pulled your neck towards his own with a bit more fever, his own eyes squeezing shut at the silent admittance. The hand that was tracing your bump remained, but now was placed on the side. His entire hand spread, finger to finger, across the entire scape of your skin and you sunk into it with a small moan of satisfaction. This… you thought, letting your eyes flutter open for just one moment so you could see him this close to you. This was where you belonged.

Birth. ( Drabble 6. )

The intensity of your screams were not for the faint of heart, and you figured that was the case and shared sentiment of the Female Ape midwives that flanked your entire body, one working diligently between your legs to gauge your dilation. Caesar had known it to be hard for Humans, their babies were much larger than Ape babies and required a lot more pushing and vigor to actually induce birth. Hours, he thought to himself, his eyes tired and red around the edges, his hand, as tough as it had been for years, was nothing more than a swelled appendage from your hand grasping at it so tightly, fingernails digging into the calloused skin when another contraction set in your vision and racked your entire body of all senses. 

You were beyond sweating, you felt like you were swimming as Caesar brought his free hand up to wipe some of your wet hair away from your face. His skin felt cold against you, and for that, you leaned your head into the small wave of affection from him before another shot of pain dripped through you relentlessly. 

“I can’t do this!” You cried, your knees shaking as the midwife looked at Caesar who only nodded with a hard swallow. They were telling him in silence that you were ready. 

“You can.” He assured, but that felt fruitless as you hunched forward, bump contouring all sorts of ways in a very unnatural way that made even Caesar uncomfortable but he was steady fast and refused to leave your side. He knew this, he had been through this with Cornelia… He tried to not linger on that for too long. 

Things would be different, he tried to keep optimism alive as the midwife told you verbally that it was time to push. The extrusion on your face caused the Ape King to shut his eyes for a moment as you grunted out, attempting to push the baby from your body to greet the world. Yes… He laxed himself and reached around your entire head to hold onto you as you screamed to the highest heavens, things were going to be different. You… You could do this. You were going to preserver and you would have a new addition to the family that Caesar had already provided for you. He knew he couldn’t cry, not in front of the others, but how he just wanted to take all your pain away. It was hard not to go feral, the simple smell of your blood and sweat were eradicating his entire nose. He didn't dare look down and kept his green gaze focused on the side of your face as he was propped next to you, laying in the nest. “Ohhhh my god!” You jolted with another push, breathing rapidly and it felt like your entire chest was suddenly on fire after being cold for so long. Plunged into an ice bath and then sent to the depths of a volcano. “Caesar!” One more. The midwife signed at Caesar one handed, the other properly braced between your legs. 

“You need to give one more,” Caesar said and brought his hand through your hair once more. Swallowing, you felt a shudder run down your spine at the prospect of having to give it more despite giving it your all already. You were being torn in half, someone grasping both legs and pulling with all their might and they wanted you to give more. Strangling a cry out, Caesar brought his forehead down and planted it directly onto yours. “One more…”

As if a robot shocked back to life, Caesar still holding onto your head and moving forward as you braced yourself, you gave it one more as commanded. The sheer terror of your scream faded into the wails of a baby… A… baby… Your mind fogged. Concern swept over the Ape as he grasped the side of your face. “A girl,” He told you, breathing against your cheek and right into your ear, “A girl.” 

Repeating that seemed to bring you right back from the trenches as tears flooded down your face, mixing deliciously with the sweat that had fallen from your forehead. Even now, you felt you were unable to breathe as you tried to smile - It was a forced grin of sorts, Caesar could tell that you were still in pain, but the crying of the baby… Caesar finally allowed himself to look down as the midwife was fast to adjust them properly in their arms before drifting upwards carefully to place them against your bare chest.

They were smeared with blood but… His eyes admired their small features. Carbon copies almost of your own when you were scrunched up for sleep. You have done it. You… Grew this… You made this Human and you preserved through the endeavors of birth. You began crying alongside your baby, hands reaching up and grasping at them lightly to keep them close to your chest. 

“Girl.” You finally managed to say something, your throat dry and incredibly hoarse. “Girl?” Asking that to your mate, he nodded and brought a hand up to rest against the child's small head.

“Girl.” Caesar confirmed.

Bonus ending:

Blue Eyes… Was incredibly cautious upon hearing the wailing of a human baby to the point where he grasped at Caesar’s chest with his small frame with all his might, his gaze intent on staring down whatever was causing the noise. With a small hush, you got them to quiet down against you, now lightly wrapped in a blanket you had for this very moment. 

‘New sister.’ Caesar signed for the Prince, looking at the now newly adorned princess with a soft gaze. ‘Say hello.’ He was still hesitant, but at the urging of Caesar himself as he placed Blue Eyes on the nest by your feet, you both watched in anticipation as the small Chimp moved his way up your body, making eye contact with you in a flurry of affection and happiness that you were still here. It had been an entire day where you and Caesar were gone and he was left to hang with the other Young Apes with Maurice, and he hadn’t the slightest clue where you were until now. Until… He crawled onto your shoulder as he so often did, your eyes shutting for a moment as he played along your hair before his gaze fell to the bundle in your arms. 

It was your turn to speak, “Blue,” He looked at you, suddenly frantic at the sound of your voice like he had forgotten, “This is your baby sister… Cedar.”

Bonus Ending ( 2 ):

Three Months Later.

Caesar, in his wildest dreams, never imagined he’d be holding a human baby, let alone the one of his mate. His tender gaze rested on you as you were laying in the nest, wrapped tightly in for a nap with Blue Eyes resting beside you, as he had offered to care for the baby that afternoon when you complained of being adversely tired. He did worry upon his offering that it would be difficult to care for them alone, but he didn't realize just how much they actually slept and Cedar seemed really intent on doing that in the warmth of her Father’s arm. 

He drew his gaze down to look at her. 

So small, and so gentle… Every day, Caesar thought to himself, she looked more like you. So beautiful.

Was she… Caesar’s brows furrowed for a moment at the curling of the baby’s mouth. She was… Smiling. Right up at him. Familiar, her head tilted towards Caesar’s chest minutely but the movement was there for him as he swallowed hard at the sight. 

She smiled at him.

Bonus Ending ( 3 ):

Five Years Later.

“Cedar, you need to get down from that tree right now!” You yelled, looking at the Chimp sitting next to the human, high up off the ground. Well, not that high up. Maybe two or three meters at the most but the idea of a fall was not for the faint of heart as the two young laughed. 

‘We climb higher,’ Blue Eyes signed to his sister. ‘That way mom cannot find us.’

There wasn’t any contemplation. Cedar nodded in agreement, grabbing the bark and began her ascent. 

“CAESAR!!! OUR SON BROUGHT OUR DAUGHTER INTO A TREE AND I CAN’T GET THEM DOWN! I SWEAR THEY GET THIS UNRULY BEHAVIOR FROM YOUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY!”

[dekariosclan]

Hello my friend!

So we all know how amazing and wonderful Gale is, how kind, good, caring and funny he is. He is, in so many ways, a perfect man.

He is, however, only human. I have the tendency to idealise him, and forget this.

My question to you is - what do you think his flaws are? Both generally and as a husband/life partner.

💜

Ohhh I love this question so much ❤️ I am a hopeless romantic, and I adore Gale’s charming, sweet, loving adorkableness! He is truly amazing—but I can confirm NOBODY (and no relationship) is ever 100% perfect.

The thing about a long-term committed relationship is that, while your partner’s charms make the relationship wonderful, their flaws are what make it REAL. And that’s just as important.

So let’s talk about our charming Gale’s less-than-charming aspects, shall we?

[warning: this went from a short & concise answer to a rambling dissertation, please prepare yourself accordingly! Also I know this ask/answer was supposed to make Gale a little less perfect and help lessen our obsession, but uhhhh, I seem to have veered hard in the opposite direction 😂]

———

First off: The Pomposity™️ (I’m not 100% certain that’s even a real word but you know what I mean right) So we all know that by the end of the game, (human) Gale has come to accept himself as he is, and decided to henceforth be known as ‘Gale Dekarios, a most brilliant wizard of intentionally limited reknown.’ He’s come a lonnng way in cutting down his ego, but let’s be honest: some of it will never truly go away. And that’s fair, because he IS brilliant, and he IS talented, and he IS extremely passionate about magic.

…but it’s tough to remember all that and give him a pass when that usually-oh-so-adorable-finger-in-the-air is now aimed at YOU, as he declares that ‘after all, he IS an expert on [*insert topic here*] because he WAS awarded [*insert scholarly award here*] from the one and only [*insert impressive Blackstaff Academy professor here.*]’

And all you wanted was for your opinion to be taken into consideration regarding the wine selection at dinner.

———

Second: The Disarray / Messiness. Gale has a brilliant mind, one that he applies full throttle to any and all situations: concentration on magic spells, lance board strategy, calculations, poring over ancient tomes, and even figuring out how to cook something edible out of rotting fish heads and some moldy cheese (no veggies, though!)

The problem is, while his mind is brilliant and he will keep it laser-focused on his chosen subject at that current moment, from a day-to-day perspective he is straight-up scatter brained with all the things he has his hands in. We can see this in his vision of his tower: BOOKS. BOOKS EVERYWHERE. Some stacked in piles, some shoved onto shelves, some left open on the page he was reading when he got distracted, etc.

We also get confirmation of this from Tara in the epilogue:

Tara: The way he leaves his potions in absolute disarray—I know for certain he wasn’t raised in a barn, but you’d never know it.

It’s one thing to have books & potions & scrolls scattered throughout his library and sitting room—you have no complaints against that, you HAVE moved in with/married a wizard, after all—but to find them in the kitchen, wine cellar, even occasionally stuffed into your own wardrobe? It’s a bit much.

TLDR: Our rizzard is a hot mess.

———

Which leads us into perhaps his biggest flaw: The Fussiness.

So about all those books everywhere, on everything, all at once? You didn’t try and ARRANGE them or organize them for him, did you?…You did?! Oh, gods! No, no, he had an ORDER to them, you see, and he knew that the exact spell he needed could be found in the third book down in the stack next to the piano, page 453, why did you ever decide to move it?

Well, you explain as patiently as you can, it was in the way, and frankly you could tell from the dust on it that he hadn’t touched it in several yea—

BY ELMINSTER’S ELBOW, did you ALPHABETIZE his illusion scrolls??! Oh, for the love of—!

You get the picture.

There would undoubtedly be moments when you found yourself fully exasperated by this man and his exacting, fussy nature.

———

All that being said: true fights would be rare.

The occasional huffy remark or quickly-forgotten gripe would occur now and then as in any relationship, but a real, anger-filled argument? With heightened emotions and hurt feelings? Rare indeed.

The only thing bigger than Gale’s brain is his heart. And while his mind is dedicated to a great many things as mentioned above (magic studies, lance board, etc) his heart is 100% dedicated TO YOU, and you alone. So on those rare occasions after a fight has occurred, it does not take long for him to come down from the heat of the moment and realize, oh, hells, he’s been an ass, hasn’t he?

He knows you love him. His anxiety about not being enough for you has long since disappeared, and he’s calmed his worries that you would ever leave him, but still…there’s always a lingering concern that maybe you’ll grow distant from him after an argument.

If you are in the wrong and he is certain of it, he will be stiffly polite until you offer an apology, and then he will be taking you in his arms, kissing you passionately and telling you ‘all is forgiven my love, let’s never speak of this again’ (and trying hard to hide his relief that you apologized first, because he was not sure how long he would be able to hold out and stay mad at you.)

If HE is in the wrong, though? And you are truly mad at him? And he knows he really stuck his foot in it? Oh, boy.

You’ll be treated to an apology so eloquent it would make poets weep, and it will come packaged with hand-holding, pouting, pleading, and Gale getting down on his (bad) knees.

And if you’re still mad at him after that?

Well, then you’ll have to complete a gauntlet harder than anything Shar could ever throw at you. You’ll have to try and stay angry, explain your anger, AND explain to Gale why he won’t be easily forgiven, all while looking directly at this:

And this:

AND THIS:

…

…needless to say you will be failing, and hard.

Not that you mind, because the make-up sex will be absolutely phenomenal. Gale doesn’t just want to repair your loving bond after you’ve had an argument, he wants to improve it. Which requires much study and experimentation, of course.

And for awhile afterwards, all will be bliss again.

…until you find a pile of scrolls shoved under your side of the bed, and some open books scattered across your dresser, and you decide it time to do some organizing. ———

So yes, my friend. Gale definitely does have some flaws, and at some point they WOULD drive you crazy in any sort of relationship you have with him. Gale is wonderful, Gale is loving, but Gale isn’t perfect!!

…but when he takes you in his arms after you’ve made up, and his mouth is hungrily devouring yours, and he’s murmuring words of adoration against your skin as he trails his kisses down your neck, chest, hips—

Nevermind! I take it all back. He’s perfect. 😂

[strwbmei]

summary: what could've happened if angell chose to be selfish for once

contains: desperate/emotional sex, transfem!angell, fem!reader, angell tops, marking, creampie, cunnilingus, fingering, angst no comfort, whatever the opposite of reunion sex is, parting sex???, mentions of crying but not in a sexy way, mentions of blood (also not in a sexy way), tw kidnapping, but you kind of learn to live with it, whatever the hell is going on in angell's event, everything is consensual and soft despite the alarming tags, mentions of drugs but it's unrelated to the smut, unresolved feelings on both sides, tw murder unrelated to smut, devirginifying sex i forgot what it was called, set in between Ditty Nightsong and Angell's interrogation

pairing(s): angell x chief!reader

a/n: I HAD to write this after finishing her event. Seeing Angell and the chief slowly get along despite their circumstances was such a treat. Also, first PTN fic!

You're tidying Angell's room up, careful to not make any noise since you don't want to wake her. Seeing the piles of pillows and clothes on the floor, you can't help but sigh. How has she lived like this for so long?

A faint song plays in the background. It's obvious the record player has seen better days—it's one of the more used appliances in this house. The song playing is the one Angell listens to while on the job. Huh.

Days are passing by, living this lie,

Not knowing what we're looking for,

As you dust off the furniture, you can't help but smile faintly. A change of pace like this is nice once in a while. Your only worries are preparing meals and doing maintenance around the house, which Angell doesn't even require you to do. Just something to keep you busy, you suppose.

It helps that she isn't a picky eater. Despite your lackluster culinary skills, Angell finishes each meal without complaint. She's even made a few positive comments lately. Maybe you should try making a meal for the sinners once you return to the MBCC.

Oh. Right. You're returning to the MBCC.

Gray, these walls are gray and there's no sky.

There is no hope, there is no soar.

I know somewhere there must be more.

It feels... weird to admit, but you've grown fond of this lifestyle. A domestic life with Angell like this is comforting, as long as you don't consider the fact that she'll definitely hand you over to her client as soon as she gets in contact with them.

Maybe you're just like the goldfish in her apartment, swimming blissfully in their tank as they stay oblivious to the outside world. You doubt Angell would be able to take care of them if she moves houses again.

You gather the clothes from the floor, catching a whiff of dried blood and sweat. Yikes. You wouldn't be surprised if the tank top you were holding had a whole ecosystem inside of it. It wouldn't hurt to wash these later, you think to yourself.

Just as you're about to finish putting the clothes away, you feel someone suddenly pull you into a tight hug, as if you'd escape from their grasp otherwise. It's Angell. You can hear how shaky her breathing is. It seems she had a bad dream.

"Don't go,"

The words Angell had been holding herself back so desperately not to say inevitably leave her, like a clock knowingly marching towards the hour of its death. She's glad that you can't see her right now with how her lips are quivering. You can still feel her hands trembling around you, though.

It's all so stupid. Angell so stupid. She let herself get used to you, your warmth, and your kindness akin to sunlight so bright it hurt her eyes. And where has that gotten her? Naive; borderline delusional. Possibly dead, too. What have you done to this assassin, Chief of the MBCC?

"Please."

You feel as if you're meeting Angell for the first time when she says this. She has never acted like a dangerous hitman at home, but she has never acted so... desperate, either. You don't mind seeing another side of her, but the sudden change in demeanor is perplexing.

"Angell?" You call out. The woman's grip on you gets ever so slightly tighter in response. "Everything's okay. I'm here." You're not going anywhere—or so you'd like to say. Your relationship with her, if you could even call it that, is already far too filled with lies for you to add one more.

You can feel Angell's muscles tense around you. She holds her strength back, protecting you as if you were but a candle flickering in the wind. You feel safe. "Sorry. Did I wake you up?" Although most of Angell's actions are obscured from your vision, you can feel her shake her head.

"Don't leave me."

The two of you are captive and captor. Not roommates, and most certainly not lovers for Angell to say such things. She could end your life at this very moment if she so wished. So why is it that Angell is the one who finds herself powerless in your grasp?

You stay silent. If you were being honest, you don't want to leave her either. But the world doesn't work that way. You have responsibilities; the both of you. There are more pressing matters for you to handle than adjusting the hands of a clock and feeding goldfish.

Angell knows this. She values professionalism and credibility far more than her personal preferences. That's the only reason why she kept you here in the first place. Which is why you don't understand what exactly has gotten into Angell; what has pushed her to give up her creed like this.

Sensing the mutual hesitation in the air, Angell pushes you down onto the bed. Her eyes are slightly swollen and red, as if she had just been crying. You wonder what she had been dreaming about. You want to comfort her.

In this state, she'll listen to whatever you say, whatever falsehoods you feed her. Tell Angell everything will be alright and that your time together won't end. She'll believe you this once, even if it leads to her death.

You're pinned under Angell's weight, but you aren't afraid. There's something about her that ironically makes you feel safe, despite how aloof she can be. Angell doesn't shy away from your touch, either, even if she knows that you could use your shackles on her. "Angell..." Your hand reaches up to cup her cheek. She instinctively leans into it. "You're not alone anymore."

Angell's eyes widen uncharacteristically from your words. She tries to act unaffected, but you feel her breath hitch. Is it true? The walls she had built around herself to shield herself from others had eventually turned into a prison isolating her from the rest of the world. Could Angell... really break them down?

She does what feels most natural and leans in to seal your lips in a passionate kiss. It's desperate like a symphony of sorrow, yet as gentle as if she were handling a delicate flower. Angell's inexperience is clear.

How unfair. A kiss is something that you should only share with someone that you love.

And still, you return it just the same. You mirror her fervor as you chase after her lips, your elbows propped on the mattress to hold you up. Its softness and warmth is a pleasant surprise. Most likely because Angell only used to sleep on the couch before you came into her life.

She detaches herself from your lips after what felt like forever and a day. Angell's brows are furrowed, and her eyes are hesitant. She gazes at you as if to ask, is this really okay?

Whether she's asking if this is okay with you or if it's okay for her to indulge in her desires for once, you have no idea. It doesn't matter. The answer to both questions remains the same.

This time, you're the one to pull her into a passionate make-out. Angell groans, eagerly savoring each kiss as if it'll be her last. You brush her hair away from her face.

"Everything will be alright." You promise, both to yourself and the to woman in front of you. But you're wrong. How could Angell ever be fine without you?

She can abandon this house, her pride, or even her life if need be. But you? Oh, god, not you. How could you get Angell used to your warmth and kindness, just to rip it all away from her?

It'd be less cruel to treat her with mockery and disdain. It's what Angell is used to and it's what she believes she deserves.

"No," she says firmly. She buries her face into your chest, her arms wrapped around your waist. "Don't go." For some unknown reason, Angell is convinced that you're going to leave.

There are still a few days until the "gig" she took expires, and even then, she can choose what she wants to do with you afterward. Angell could keep you locked up here for as long as she wants, and you wouldn't be able to do a thing.

But she isn't that kind of person.

Angell doesn't belong with those scum on the dark web. Her heart is unadulterated by the filth surrounding her, and despite how she acts, you know Angell loves helping people deep down.

"I'm here." You comfort her. Once again, you have to stop yourself from telling her that you'll stay. It seems you accidentally said that out loud, though. "...Liar." Angell mumbles, lips now trailing along your jaw and neck.

Sighing in bliss, you remove your coat to give her more space to work with. You toss it to a corner of the room. You'll clean it up again later. Her hands roam around your torso, exploring to find the buttons of your shirt.

Frantically, Angell works to remove them. She rushes as if she's going to lose you any moment now, not even bothering to remove her own clothes yet. "Don't go..." Angell pleads again before her mouth bites softly from your collarbone to your breasts. She unclasps and removes your bra as she goes.

"Angell..." You sigh her name as she fondles one of your breasts. She touches you with a gentleness she's never shown anyone else. When Angell looks up at you, her eyes reflect an emotion that you can't identify.

Longing? Regret? Lust? You can't tell. Honestly, you don't know how you feel about her either. You thought that Angell was weird at first, but you always believed that she had a good heart. You've grown fond of her as time passed—too fond. Angell isn't the only one wearing her heart on her sleeve, apparently.

For the first time, she calls your name. Not "Chief," but your name. God, it's stupid how such a simple thing has your heart racing when you're literally about to fuck. Since when has your kidnapper gotten you so smitten?

Angell's hands, strong albeit a bit slim, map out every plane on your body. She savors the feeling of each curve and dip and takes her time etching it into her memory. Lips work to kiss every inch of your now exposed skin, occasionally leaving small bite marks.

Not once has Angell treated you like the Chief of the MBCC. She knows of your identity and the good deeds you've done, yet she treats you like any other person. It's one of the many qualities you've grown to love about Angell.

The atmosphere in the room gets warmer, and you use it as an excuse to take off her leather jacket. The other woman is left in her tank top and pants. The prominence of her collarbones sadden you, although it's gotten better since the first day you were brought to this safehouse. You wish she'd take care of herself more.

Angell's hands stop at your belt. You enjoy the few seconds of her struggling with herself before she speaks up. "Can I...?" You smile at her consideration for you, making sure that you're fine with what she's doing. "Yeah. Go ahead."

Office wear is such a hassle to take off, you think to yourself as you help Angell take off your pants. Are all those layers really necessary? Again, the piece of clothing is tossed away to god-knows-where.

Immediately, the woman pounces back on you, now leaving kisses along your stomach as she holds onto your hips. You trace her scars softly with your fingers. You can't imagine the hardships that Angell has been through. You're happy to provide any sort of respite to her.

In the moment Angell stops to look up at you, there is an undeniable air of sadness and guilt. In an attempt to cheer the woman up, you tuck her hair behind her ears and attempt to tease her. "Don't miss me too much."

As you expected, Angell stays silent. You can feel her relax a bit, though—that's a win in your book. She finds comfort in how you never change. Angell slowly dips the pad of one of her fingers into your folds, careful not to hurt you. "Mm... Angell..." You bite back a moan.

"You can go faster. I can take it." You reassure the woman through heavy breaths. It's honestly embarrassing how wet you are, but Angell takes it as a sign that she's doing good. She's become more confident; now thrusting her finger inside of you all the way, albeit still at a gentle pace.

Angell is observant. She looks for what motions earn the most positive reaction from you with an almost deadpan look on her face as if she's not literally fingerfucking you into the mattress. It shows how focused she is on making you feel good.

"Is this your first time?" Angell asks suddenly. She doesn't look at you. "Yeah... Why?" You respond. Angell stays quiet, continuing the movement of her fingers. The question caught you a bit off guard. She didn't seem like the type to refuse to mess with virgins or care about the status of anyone's virginity in general.

Just when you let out a moan from her grazing your g-spot, a realization hits you. This is Angell's first time, too. You doubt she's ever had any real romantic experience before, much less sexual. It's no wonder she seems so nervous. You make a mental note to reassure and praise her.

Angell takes notice of how you let out a sound whenever she grinds against a specific place and abuses the same location with each thrust of her fingers. When she sees you trying to grind against her hand, (because of how good it feels, but she doesn't know that) she takes it as a sign that you need more.

"I'm going to add another finger," Angell says more like a statement than a question, but she waits for your approval before doing so anyway. You've never felt so full. Her years of experience using a sword have calloused her hands ever so slightly, and although you feel bad for what led her to a life of crime, damn did it feel good rubbing against your walls.

Angell loves the way you moan her name. She can't get enough of it; she wants to hear it roll off your tongue like a starving wolf longing for prey in the dead of winter. She listens to the sound of each letter eagerly, as if engraving it into the very essence of her soul. She wants you to say her name over and over again, and only hers. As is in the present and as will be in the future.

Angell's own selfishness surprises her. Maybe she's just like the greedy criminals she has both killed and worked for. Angell has never denied the possibility—she's not the saint that you think she is. There is blood on her hands, and not even the purest of oceans can wash it away. She has long since come to terms with her fate of isolation.

You arch your back into her touch, your arms wrapped around her back. If not for the tank top she was wearing, you're sure you would've left some claw marks along it's broadness already. You have to stop your legs from closing on their own, the overwhelming pleasure proving to be too much. Soft moans and the scent of sex fill the room. "Feels so good, Angell..."

She takes a deep breath, the only things filling her senses being your sweet voice and the feeling of your warm pussy stretching to accommodate her fingers. You have no idea how long Angell has wanted to touch you like this. You do things to her that she can't explain.

Your moans increase in frequency, getting higher pitched as you feel yourself nearing release. It seems Angell is a natural at using her fingers, seeing how she's about to make you cum quicker than you could ever get yourself to. "Angell... I'm-"

Before you can warn her, your legs tremble and you cream all over her hand. After continuing her movements to help you come down from your high, Angell pulls her digits out, fascinated by the string of cum connecting them. Much to your surprise, she puts both fingers into her mouth.

"...I've never tasted anything like this before." Angell remarks. Her sense of taste is dull—she isn't exaggerating when she says she can't tell apart food that's edible from food that's spoiled, or raw from burnt. But you? Your taste is as distinct as it can be to her tongue. You've ignited a dangerous fire in the woman.

"More." Angell demands, positioning her head between your legs. Just as you're about to protest that you're still sensitive, she speaks up again. "Can I?" Angell tilts her head as she asks for permission. Fuck it. You know you wouldn't be able to refuse her and her annoyingly adorable personality anyway.

You sigh at your lack of self discipline when it comes to Angell. "Yes, you can." Those words are all it takes for her to dive headfirst into your dripping sex. Angell's tongue explores your warmth with a newfound confidence, using what she's learned from fingering you to eat you out as skillfully as possible.

God, she's absolutely addicted to your taste—to you. Angell can't get enough of how you squirm under her touch; how you moan her name so wantonly. She'd stay in between your legs for forever if she could, but forever is not a luxury that the two of you have.

Angell wishes that life would be as easy as adjusting the hands of the clock. She wishes she could turn everything back to how it used to be. Angell would hold on to every passing moment with you like a painter desperately trying to capture the perfect sunset before it fades.

Each wet lick up your slit is greedier and hungrier than the last. She's gentle with you, yes, but you can feel the weight of the underlying desire that's been building up in the pit of her stomach for god knows how long. What Angell feels for you is akin to a devouring darkness: once you get entwined, there's no going back. Whether that applies to you, her, or both of you remains unknown. Maybe you know the answer but choose to ignore it.

Body still awash in the aftermath of your previous orgasm, it doesn't take long for you to feel that familiar coil in your belly building up once again. It takes all of your strength to resist pushing Angell's head down between your legs. Well, not that she could go any further. Too busy moaning Angell's name to warn her with words, you hope that she'll get the message with how your legs are trembling.

Sure enough, you cum with a breathless gasp soon after. She eats you out through your high, careful to lap up all of your fluids without overstimulating you. Angell is a quick learner, after all. You're left panting for breath after two consecutive earth-shattering orgasms, yet Angell hasn't even gotten undressed. That won't do. Aside from the damage your pride would take, you want to return the favor.

"Angell, lay down for me, will you?" You ask of her through your heavy breathing. Although Angell has her doubts, she immediately follows your command. "I'm not tired yet." You chuckle at her words but shudder to think about its implications. The stability of your legs would not survive after getting eaten out by Angell again. Though, the same might be said for what you're going to do next. "I want to make you feel good too."

You sit with your thighs on either side of Angell's legs, already working on removing her clothes. Once they're off, you're quick to capture her lips in a chain of soft, yet lustful kisses. She gives in to you more easily than you expected. You had the impression that Angell would be the type to want to be in control of everything at any time, but she lets you lead this dance.

Although the woman is probably unaware, the size of her boner is huge. Seven inches at the very least. You bite your lip at its sheer girth. You'd be lying if you said that you never had any doubts about it fitting inside of you, but it's nothing you can't handle... probably. As if reading your thoughts, Angell speaks. "...I don't have any lube."

Your eyes wander to the bottle of lotion you put on her bedside table, (which was the only surface available for it at the time,) but you eventually decide against using it since it's most likely expired. "It's fine. We'll start out slow."

Angell likes the insinuation that you'll go faster once you're more comfortable. She helps you align yourself with her cock, gently holding you by your hips. Although Angell has her hands on you, she lets you control the pace and only tries to assist when necessary.

With bated breath, you sink onto the tip. Her length feels endless, filling you up completely inch after inch. Angell relishes in how your eyes almost roll into the back of your head and the moan you let out when you finally take her inside entirely. Still, she places your comfort and pleasure above everything else. "Are you sure about this?"

Your chest heaves as you get used to the sensation of feeling so... full. It takes you a few seconds to reply. "This is nothing that the Chief of the MBCC can't handle," Angell smiles at your reply. Your act of false bravado isn't fooling anyone. It gives the woman a sense of pride to have such an important figure of society in her hands like this.

Just being inside of you has Angell biting her lip. She'd never imagine in her life that she'd be able to sleep with anyone, much less someone as kind and beautiful as you are. The intimacy of it all makes everything that much more pleasurable, and Angell hopes you feel the same way.

The two of you stay like this. Both of you are aware that you don't have much time left, but you're not in a rush. Rather, you take the opportunity to enjoy this moment thoroughly. It takes a while for you to get used to Angell's sheer size, and it also takes her a while to get used to these unfamiliar sensations.

Angell is barely able to conceal the pure ecstasy she feels when you start moving. Your pussy is just so tight. She's not one to masturbate often, but she can say with confidence that being inside of you feels miles better and much more personal than rutting into her hand just to get rid of her morning wood.

You take Angell down to the base, albeit with much difficulty at first, and start off by grinding. You roll your hips back and forth, the tip of her cock almost kissing the entrance of your cervix. Angell grips your waist harder, but still lets you control the pace of your lovemaking. Her trust in you makes your heart flutter.

With Angell's hair splayed like flowing rivers on the sheets, her eyes fluttered shut, and soft moans escaping her mouth now and then, you aren't able to resist the desire to kiss her. It starts with a small smooch on her neck, then two. And then these kisses turn into hickeys one after another.

The feeling is weird and alien to Angell, but she surrenders herself to you all the same, even tilting her head to make it easier for you. You feel bad about leaving them in such obvious places, but knowing her, she wouldn't bother to hide them. And you'd be right, because if anything, Angell would wear them as a badge of honor. Who cares what other people think of her sex life?

Up, and down. Up, and down. You move your hips at a steady pace once you get the hang of it. You relish in the way the sides of her cockhead rub against your walls so deliciously. As you're straddling Angell and leaving more hickeys wherever you can access, she gets an idea to play with your clit while you ride her. You seemed to like having it stimulated earlier.

Soon after, the both of you are a moaning mess. This small gesture makes everything feel a hundred times better for you, and in turn, you move faster. You lift yourself enough so her tip is barely inside of you, and immediately bring yourself down again.

Angell curses under her breath. She holds onto you as if you'll disappear otherwise, chanting your name like a mantra; like a sinner begging for forgiveness. The sight of you bouncing up and down on her cock while looking down at her so lovingly is enough to make the inexperienced woman swoon.

"I'm close..." Angell warns. You don't care. In fact, you seem to be riding her harder; trying to milk her for all she's worth. "Want you inside." You lean forward to kiss her. Angell chases after your lips fervently, her hands holding you close as you continue to move your hips while her thumb presses down on your clitoris.

You swallow each other's muffled moans. The only thing that matters to the both of you in this moment is one another. You'd freeze time and stay like this with Angell for eternity if you could. She cums with a strained groan, and you feel her seed filling you up. It's oddly comforting to know that Angell has left a mark inside of you.

You continue your ministrations slowly, and yoi have an orgasm of your own soon after. The mixture of you and Angell's fluids form a white ring on the base of her cock. It doesn't take long until the two of you collapse next to each other, breathing heavily as sweat runs down both of your bodies.

Although you feel refreshed, you have no idea how to handle this. Your relationship with Angell, your return to the MBCC, everything. The confusion is understandable considering you literally just slept with your kidnapper who's been holding you captive. You'll cross that bridge when you get there, you suppose.

Seeing Angell stare at you, most likely with no idea how to proceed either, you feel like you should say something. "That was great, Angell. Thank you." She smiles at your words before pulling you into a cuddle. Angell really is just like a cat, you think to yourself.

With these thoughts in mind, your impulse to scratch her behind the ears just like you would to a stray cat on the side of the road win. Before you can retract your hand to apologize, Angell leans into your touch, sighing contently. You swear you hear her purr, even.

"You really... don't want to stay at the Bureau?" You ask. You regret letting those words leave your mouth, but you can't bring yourself to care now that you're running out of time. You're more than willing to fight for her. "You'll be safe. You can have my red bean soup any time you want."

Angell knows that you mean each word that you say. You won't let anyone from the dark web bother her, and even though you have responsibilities, she knows that you'll fulfill your promise. That's why it hurts.

"Tomorrow. I'll give you my answer tomorrow." Angell speaks up, just as you start to fear that you might've ruined this intimate moment. Her words give you hope. It's faint, but it's there. You'd like to say that you wouldn't, but you'd cling to any chance to spend more time with Angell; have her by your side even if only for a second more.

However, the woman has already made an irreversible decision: one that she fears has consequences that she'll be carrying for the rest of her life. For now, both of you are content with your current state.

"Stay with me," Angell mumbles, trying to enjoy your scent and affection the best her tired body can manage. A thought passes both of your minds as you're entangled in each other's embrace: it'd be nice if we could stay like this forever. It saddens Angell to know that that thought would only be left as an 'if.' "Just for a bit longer."

"Tomorrow" never comes. Tomorrow will never come without you by her side.

Angell wakes up. The bag containing her trusted blade is held near her body. She finds that she hasn't been able to let go of it ever since you've left her—or rather, ever since she left you. It's the only thing left of the time you spent together. It's the only thing that assures Angell that you were real, not just an illusion.

A lot of things have changed. She finds herself sleeping more. Angell clings to her memories with you through dreams, even trying to "make" new ones whenever the chance presents itself. She's also taken less assassination jobs lately, instead picking odd jobs that you'd be likely to choose for her.

Angell remembers the last one she took. The man was a leader of a drug cartel, infamous for getting young sinners addicted and using them to transport goods. The world would be better off without him, and Angell was no different. He had a wife and a toddler son. He called for his wife's name before he drew his final breath. Perhaps he too was but another victim of the cruelty of this side of the world—perhaps he too wanted to escape the void of the dark oceans and live under the sun's warmth.

Angell is too far gone. A shark cannot start living on land, no matter how much it wishes. She belongs in a bottomless abyss where the sun must not pierce through, while you belong on the other side of this fucked up world, risking your life to save everyone that can be saved. Angell is not a part of that group. She feels your sunlight faintly, but as much as she wants to bask in it, it cannot pierce through the deep waters of her heart. It must not.

Maybe things could've turned out differently if she met you earlier.

Angell stands up from the dusty couch. She is the only one in this desolate home. You're not there to scold her for sleeping on the sofa when she has a clean bed. Not even her goldfish keeps her company on these cold nights—but she trusts that you've taken good care of them. You've always taken care of everyone around you, but who's going to do the same for you?

Particles of dust float in her apartment. She finds that there's no reason to clean it up. Once again, her fridge is full of nearly expired, barely edible "food." As Angell gets ready to head out, she sees her reflection in the shards of broken glass on the floor. It was from a vase that came with the safehouse that she knocked over and forgot to clean. Huh. It looks like she's been crying.

You wake up in a cold sweat. The coolness of your desk against your cheek is unpleasant. The arm you've been using as a pillow is numb. You scramble to sit up straight and look at the time: 2:48AM. Most of the Bureau is asleep. A blanket that you didn't even realize was resting on your shoulders falls off of you, most likely Adjutant Nightingale trying to make sure you don't catch a cold.

On a tray set apart from the paperwork you had been working on, there is a note, a sandwich, and a cup of iced coffee. You assume the perpetrator is the same as the person who wrapped a blanket around you, and as it seems from reading the note, you were right. The contents are a mix of Nightingale's concern for you and scolding you for not taking care of your well-being.

You feel bad for worrying her all the time. Honestly, you're surprised she hasn't resigned yet with how often you get kidnapped. It's not just Nightingale either, even some sinners have noticed the bags under your eyes and how distant you've been acting ever since you came back. You should really pull yourself together. If not for yourself, then for the sinners who rely on you, the Chief of the MBCC.

Why do you keep dreaming about Angell? You've been betrayed many times before, and although you'll never get used to it, you've always gotten back up each time quicker than the last. What is it about her that's so different? Why does she affect you so much?

You open your laptop with a newfound sense of determination, but this time, it's not for work. If you want to stop a problem, you should tackle the source of it, right? Or maybe that's just an excuse. You're going to find her, and along with her, answers. After you press the 'enter' key, the simple yet eerie screen you've grown familiar with welcomes you back:

"Welcome to DisMyth"

[lua-stellar]

What is your Current Career Energy?! ✨ Career Rune Reading

consider tipping me on ko-fi if this reading resonated :)

this reading was done via the elder futhark runes, images included

pile 1

runes drawn: ansuz, dagaz, isa

right now i am getting energy of communication in terms of your career life, you have hope for your career and you are reaching out and getting out there to pursue your career, I'm also getting the vibe you recently finished studying this path or are currently in a highly transitional phase in your career life and beginning to look for work but unfortunately even though you are putting yourself out there and trying to get a job in the career path you want you are not recieving the same enthusiasm,and you are possibly facing challenges finding a job and manifesting your dream career to reality. I see alot of stagnating energy in this reading with isa and i feel as though you are in a period of waiting, of stasis. In a way your career is on hold even though you want to get out there and get noticed. Maybe now is the time to be patient and wait until opportunity strikes, currently it seems your career energy is on hold and will be moving a little slowly.

pile 2

runes drawn: raido, ehwaz, dagaz

right now i see aloot of progression alot of movement in your career life, the energy is action action action. You are making important decisions regarding your career, you are overcoming obstacles, new beginnings and opportunities are just around the corner! You are crossing boundaries in terms of your career and you are in a position where you have a harmonious balance and deep understanding of yourself and what you want in your career life, your roads are open in terms of opportunities, and i see a good omen in this reading that wherever you go in your career, you will be able to pass through any difficulties and challenges easily. Currently you are in a highly transitional period, you will reach a satisfactory and enjoyable career life, whatever you're doing you are definently doing something right so keep it up!

pile 3

runes drawn: uruz, hagalaz, wunjo

you have alot of potential regarding your career, i have the feeling that you are just charging right into it in a way, in terms of your career energy i sense alot of freedom and almost a wild energy to you in how you just go for the things you want, but you are currently facing obstacles regarding your career life. You may be facing challenges constricting that free spirit of yours and blockages regarding your career, but not to worry. Whether its a situation youre facing thats difficult or if you are being blocked career wise and you feel that things are going badly, the obstacles you are currently facing will sort themselves out things will turn out smoothly. Your current challenges are temporary and this stage of hardship will not last forever, you will be rewarded with your hard work soon and you will find joy in your career life and harmony. All of your current troubles will soon be left in the past and everything regarding your career will go smoothly, don't be blinded by bad situations when the light is at the end of the tunnel! And this tunnel is not as long as you may be thinking. Keep going and keep being a free courageous spirit regarding your career and professional life and everything will be fine!

[skywalker1dream]

Title: reconnecting

Max verstappen x reader

Summary: Years after drifting apart from childhood best friend Max Verstappen, you find yourself unexpectedly reunited during a family-planned summer holiday in Spain. Despite your initial reluctance to join, you discover that old bonds can reignite in the most unexpected ways.

Warning: none?

---

The sun was setting over the picturesque Spanish coast, casting a golden glow over the sprawling summer house your families had rented. You stared out the car window, feeling a mixture of nostalgia and irritation. Nostalgia, because you had spent countless summers with the Verstappens as a child. Irritation, because you hadn't wanted to come on this trip at all.

"Come on, it'll be fun," your mother had insisted, practically dragging you along. "You used to love spending time with them."

"Yeah, when I was ten," you muttered under your breath. But arguing with your mom had never been fruitful, so here you were, stepping out into the warm evening air, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach.

Your family was greeted warmly by Max's parents. You exchanged polite hugs and greetings, trying to push down the awkwardness. The house was stunning, with whitewashed walls and a terrace that overlooked the sparkling Mediterranean Sea.

You were just about to head to your room when a familiar voice stopped you in your tracks. "Hey, stranger."

You turned around, heart pounding, and there he was. Max Verstappen. He looked older, more mature, but his eyes still had that same mischievous glint.

"Max?" you managed to say, your voice catching in your throat.

"In the flesh," he replied with a grin. "Long time no see."

---------

Later that evening, after the initial shock had worn off and dinner was served on the terrace, you found yourself sitting next to Max. The conversation flowed easily among the adults, but you and Max were a bit more reserved.

"So," Max said, breaking the silence between you two, "what have you been up to all these years?"

You shrugged, poking at your salad. "Just life, I guess. School, work. The usual. You?"

Max chuckled. "I think you know what I've been up to."

"Yeah, I guess following your career doesn't really count as keeping in touch, huh?" You smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

He nodded, his expression softening. "I missed you, you know. We used to be inseparable."

"Yeah, well, life happens," you said, a bit more sharply than you intended.

Max winced. "I'm sorry. I should have tried harder to keep in touch."

You sighed, feeling a pang of guilt. "It's not all on you. I could have reached out too."

He looked at you, his gaze intense. "Then let's make up for lost time."

-----------

The next few days were a blur of sun, laughter, and rediscovery. You and Max fell back into a rhythm that felt both new and familiar. You found yourselves staying up late, talking about everything and nothing. One night, as you both sat on the terrace, the stars twinkling above, Max turned to you.

"Do you remember that summer when we were ten, and we tried to build a treehouse?"

You laughed. "Yeah, it was more like a pile of sticks than a treehouse."

Max grinned. "We were so determined though. I kind of miss that."

"Miss what? Failing at building things?"

He shook his head. "No. Just... us. The way we used to be."

You looked at him, feeling a warmth spread through you. "Me too."

----------------

As the days passed, it became clear that this trip was more than just a family reunion. It was a chance to rebuild something you both thought was lost. And as you sat together on the beach, watching the waves crash against the shore, you realized that sometimes, life has a way of bringing you back to where you belong.

Max turned to you, his eyes reflecting the ocean. "So, what do you say? Think we can give this friendship another shot?"

You smiled, feeling lighter than you had in years. "Yeah, I think we can."

And maybe, just maybe, it could be something more.

-------------------------

The summer house buzzed with the sounds of laughter and conversation. It felt like old times, but with an edge of something new and unspoken. You and Max had grown, and so had the dynamics between you.

Years after drifting apart from childhood best friend Max Verstappen, you find yourself unexpectedly reunited during a family-planned summer holiday in Spain. Despite your initial reluctance to join, you discover that old bonds can reignite in the most unexpected ways.

One afternoon, as you were chatting with Max in the garden, your mother approached, a wide smile on her face. "[your name], have you met the new neighbors? They're a lovely family. Their son, Aaron, is around your age."

You shot her a look, sensing her ulterior motives. "Uh, no, I haven't met them yet."

Max's expression shifted slightly, a hint of irritation flickering in his eyes.

"Well, you should come meet them. They're joining us for a barbecue tonight," your mother continued.

"Sure, Mom," you replied, trying to hide your reluctance.

That evening, as everyone gathered on the terrace for the barbecue, you were introduced to Aaron. He was friendly, charming, and clearly interested in getting to know you. You couldn't help but notice Max's jaw tighten every time Aaron made you laugh.

"So, [your name]," Aaron said, his eyes sparkling, "what do you do?"

Before you could answer, Max cut in. "She's actually really talented. She works in marketing and has a knack for creative projects."

You raised an eyebrow at Max. "I can speak for myself, you know."

Aaron laughed, oblivious to the tension. "That's impressive. Maybe you can give me some tips. I'm starting my own business and could use some marketing advice."

"Sure," you said, smiling. "I'd be happy to help."

Max excused himself abruptly, muttering something about getting more drinks. You watched him go, feeling a mix of confusion and concern.

------------

Later that night, you found Max sitting alone on the beach, staring out at the dark waves. You approached cautiously. "Hey, you okay?"

He glanced up at you, his expression unreadable. "Yeah, just needed some air."

You sat down beside him. "You seemed a bit off tonight."

Max sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's just... I don't know. Seeing you with Aaron, I guess I felt a bit... jealous."

You blinked, taken aback by his honesty. "Jealous? Why?"

He looked at you, his eyes searching yours. "Because I realized I don't want to lose you again. Not to anyone."

Your heart pounded in your chest. "Max, you won't lose me. We're just reconnecting."

He shook his head. "It's more than that. I think it always has been."

--------------

The next day, the tension between you and Max was palpable. Your families noticed, and during breakfast, Max's mother, Sophie, leaned over to your mother. "Those two have always had a special bond, haven't they?"

Your mother nodded, a knowing smile on her lips. "Yes, they have. Maybe this summer will be good for them."

As the day wore on, you tried to focus on enjoying the holiday, but your thoughts kept drifting back to Max and his confession. You decided to confront the situation head-on.

That evening, you found Max in the kitchen, helping to prepare dinner. "We need to talk," you said, your voice firm.

He looked at you, his expression wary. "Okay."

You took a deep breath. "About what you said last night. Do you really mean it?"

Max set down the knife he was holding and turned to face you fully. "I do. I think I've always felt this way, but I didn't realize it until now."

Your heart raced as you stepped closer. "Then why did you let us drift apart?"

He sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I was young and stupid. I thought I needed to focus on racing, and everything else fell by the wayside. Including you."

You reached out, placing a hand on his arm. "Well, we're here now. And we have a chance to start over."

Max's eyes softened as he covered your hand with his. "I'd like that. A lot."

---------

Over the next few days, the dynamic between you and Max shifted. There was a new closeness, an unspoken understanding that something more was blooming between you. The jealousy that had sparked in Max whenever Aaron was around seemed to dissipate as he grew more confident in your feelings for him.

One evening, as you and Max walked along the beach, he stopped and turned to you, taking both of your hands in his. "I've been thinking a lot about us," he said softly.

You looked up at him, your heart pounding. "And?"

"And I don't want to waste any more time," he said, his eyes intense. "I want to be with you, [your name]. For real."

You smiled, feeling tears of happiness prick at the corners of your eyes. "I want that too."

He leaned in, and as his lips met yours, you felt the past melt away, replaced by the promise of a future together.

------------

The days that followed your confession on the beach were filled with a heady mix of tension and passion. You and Max were inseparable, yet the simmering emotions between you both seemed to heighten with each passing moment.

One particularly hot afternoon, as you lounged by the pool, Aaron sauntered over, his charming smile firmly in place. "Hey, [your name], up for a swim?"

You glanced at Max, who was sitting nearby, his eyes narrowing slightly at Aaron's approach. "Sure, why not," you replied, feeling a bit mischievous.

As you and Aaron splashed around in the pool, Max's gaze grew darker. He tried to focus on his book, but his eyes kept drifting to where you were laughing with Aaron.

Aaron swam closer, his playful demeanor making you laugh even more. "You know, I was thinking we could go into town tomorrow. There's this great market I think you'd love."

"That sounds fun," you said, catching Max's glare from the corner of your eye.

Max couldn't take it anymore. He stood up abruptly, the deck chair scraping against the tiles. "Actually, we have plans tomorrow," he said, his voice tight.

You turned to him, raising an eyebrow. "We do?"

Max nodded, not breaking eye contact. "Yes, I thought we could explore that secluded beach we talked about."

You saw the determination in his eyes and decided to play along. "Oh, right. The beach. Sorry, Aaron, maybe another time."

Aaron looked between you and Max, realizing he was outmatched. "No problem, maybe another time then."

--------------

That evening, the tension between you and Max was palpable. You found yourselves alone in the living room, the flickering light from the fireplace casting shadows on the walls.

"Was that really necessary?" you asked, crossing your arms.

Max stepped closer, his eyes burning with intensity. "Yes, it was. I can't stand seeing you with him."

Your breath hitched as he closed the distance between you. "Max, he's just a friend."

"I know," he said, his voice low and rough. "But I...."

He reached out, gently cupping your face. The world seemed to stop as he leaned in, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that was both tender and demanding. You melted against him, your hands sliding up to tangle in his hair.

The kiss deepened, filled with all the longing and passion that had built up between you. Max's hands roamed down your back, pulling you closer, as if afraid you'd disappear if he let go.

You broke the kiss, breathless, and looked into his eyes. "Max, we need to talk about this."

He nodded, his forehead resting against yours. "I know. But right now, I just want you. Is that okay?"

You answered by kissing him again, your lips moving with an urgency that matched his. The tension and passion swirled around you, making it impossible to think clearly.

As the minutes turned into hours, you found yourselves tangled together on the couch, the intensity of your make-out session leaving you both breathless and wanting more.

-----------

The next morning, you woke up wrapped in Max's arms. He looked down at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Morning," he murmured.

"Morning," you replied, stretching. "About last night..."

He kissed your forehead. "I meant every word. I want to be with you."

You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through you. "I want that too, Max."

Just then, your mother knocked on the door, interrupting the moment. "[Your name], Max, breakfast is ready."

You sighed, reluctantly pulling away from Max. "Coming, Mom!"

As you made your way downstairs, Aaron was already at the table, chatting with your families. He looked up, a curious expression on his face. "Morning, [your name] Did you sleep well?"

You felt Max's hand on the small of your back, a silent claim. "Yes, thank you," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady.

Aaron's gaze flickered to Max's hand, then back to you. "So, about that trip to town..."

Max's grip tightened slightly. "Actually, we're still planning to visit that secluded beach today."

You shot Max a look, then turned to Aaron. "Maybe another time, Aaron. But thank you."

Aaron smiled, but there was a hint of disappointment in his eyes. "Of course. Enjoy your day."

-----------

The drive to the secluded beach was filled with a mix of comfortable silence and playful banter. Once there, you and Max spread out a blanket on the sand, the sound of the waves creating a serene backdrop.

As you sat together, Max took your hand, his thumb tracing circles on your skin. "I can't believe how quickly things have changed," he said softly.

You leaned into him, feeling the warmth of his body. "Maybe it was always meant to be this way."

He looked at you, his eyes filled with emotion. "I don't want to waste any more time. I want us to be together, for real."

You smiled, your heart swelling with happiness. "I want that too, Max. More than anything."

He leaned in, capturing your lips in a kiss that promised a future filled with love and passion. As the sun set over the horizon, you knew that this was just the beginning of your journey together, and you couldn't wait to see where it would lead.

----------

And...that's it I think I will write part 2...tell me what do you think..byee

[apomaro-mellow]

Hot for Teacher(s) 13

Part 12

Steve didn’t realize how hard he was gripping the door handle, how stiff he’d gotten, how he had stopped breathing until the ghost of his past spoke.

“Hey there, pretty boy.”

He nearly choked on the intake of air. Billy was here. Actually here, out of the blue. Steve swallowed and found his voice.

“What’re you doing here?”, he asked, keeping his voice low.

Billy just smiled at him, smug like he knew he was flipping Steve’s world upside down. “I can’t visit my family?”

“We’re not-”

“Hey! There’s my tiger!”, Billy pushed past Steve, forcing him to turn and see Shawn sitting on the stairs, eavesdropping. 

Steve tried to reason and be rational. Billy had never outright hurt their son. There was no issue with him picking him up and hugging him close. Even if it made Steve’s skin crawl. Shawn gave his father a hesitant squeeze back, caught off guard by the sudden visit too. 

“I’ll ask you again Billy”, Steve said the moment Shawn was put back down on his feet. “Why are you here?”

Billy stuck his hands in the pockets of his jacket, then pulled something out. “Came to give my boy his birthday present.” He handed him a toy car, still in the packaging.

Shawn accepted, giving a small thank you. Steve remembered the way his body used to tense up or go into autopilot when his parents fought. He couldn’t do that anymore. He had to be present and protect his child so that he didn’t develop those habits. He walked over and put a hand on Shawn’s head. 

“You brushed your teeth right?”

Shawn nodded, then smiled big to show off his pearly whites. Steve smiled back, feeling lighter already.

“Go on to your room then, it’s past your bedtime. And don’t even think about sneaking in reading time”, he called after him as he scurried up the stairs. He waited until he heard the sound of Shawn’s door closing but he didn’t take his eyes off of Billy. He was watching his expressions. 

He had been watching Shawn go up the stairs and seemed to be waiting as well before his smile dropped. He went to the front door and for a moment, Steve had the hope that he would walk right through it and save him the grief. But Billy only shut it.

“His birthday was a week ago”, Steve said, arms crossed.

“I knew you were gonna give me shit for not getting the exact day”, Billy said, like he was a victim. “Cut me some slack, alright?”

Steve didn’t have to tell him that this wasn’t the first birthday he had missed, even when they had lived together. He wasn’t going to give him a whole laundry list of issues. He shouldn’t have to. Billy should know why he can’t just show up unannounced after two years of silence.

“I’m gonna remind you that you walked out. You left us. And we’ve been fine. You can’t just show up out of nowhere.”

“Why the fuck do you smell like another alpha?”, Billy growled.

Steve only faltered for a second but it was enough to make Billy advance on him and in two seconds they were toe to toe.

“And why the fuck does my pup smell like another alpha?”

The growl in his voice was enough to make him take a step back and Billy replaced it with one of his own, not letting Steve put any distance between them. He hated how much power this man had over him. He wanted to make him happy. He wanted to be loved by him. Now all he wanted to be as far from him as possible.

Where was Eddie? His real alpha?

“I don’t see a ring on this finger or a bite on my neck, so where do you get the idea that I’m yours?” Steve had this. He didn’t need Eddie before and he didn’t need him now. Whatever Billy dished out, he could take it.

Billy’s eyes glanced up the stairs. “I wonder if CPS would take issue with that.”

“Excuse me?”, Steve got whiplash so bad his head hurt. “What the hell are you-”

“An unbonded omega, parading a bunch of alphas around a vulnerable child? Sounds pretty irresponsible to me. And his stench is all over this place”, Billy scowled.

The accusations and assumptions and just everything had finally piled on enough. Steve saw red. He shoved Billy back. Hard.

“How dare you?”, he hissed. “How fucking dare you?”

“Watch yourself”, Billy said, grabbing Steve’s wrists in a bruising grip. “I left because I thought you needed some time to get yourself together. Getting knocked up made you this desperate, clingy thing. I thought you’d be better by now but it’s like you’ve gotten worse.”

Steve tore his hands away but that just freed Billy to push him back by the shoulders into a wall. All Steve was thinking of how loud the bump was. Did Shawn hear it?

“You should be glad. Isn’t this what you wanted? You, me, the kid?” Billy’s eyes softened the way he knew Steve was weak to. The look that made him appear as though he was changing because he wanted to be the father to Shawn that he never had.

But Steve wasn’t weak to it anymore. He didn’t know why Billy was back but he wasn’t letting him back in his life.

“Get out of my house. Before I call the police.”

Billy took his hands off then, held in the air like in surrender but with an expression that said otherwise. He even took a step back. His hands went back down into his pockets, casual and relaxed.

“You’ve always been like this. You don’t know what you want. One minute you want me, the next you threaten to call the cops on me.”

“Out”, Steve said, voice hardened as he pointed at the door.

Billy walked backwards towards it. “I’ll be around. It’s gotta be spring break for Shawn soon, right? Picnics, parks, concerts. And then summer. Bet he can’t wait.”

He opened the door and walked out and Steve didn’t wait even a second before locking it. He let out a breath as he listened. He could hear a car door close and then the vehicle drive away. He went to the window to check and it went down the road, disappearing into the night. 

Steve put a hand to his chest and his hands shook. He brought his shirt up to his nose and took a deep breath. His love, his alpha. Eddie.

He went upstairs and knocked on Shawn’s door. When he heard nothing, he hoped he was asleep, but had to check. Quietly, he opened the door, not wanting to wake him if he was. Shawn’s covers were pulled up high, only his eyes uncovered, like he was scared to be found but also wanted to see. Steve came in and turned the lamp on, giving the room a gentle glow.

“Hey bud.”

“Is he going to come and live with us again?” Shawn’s voice was small and whispery.

Steve put their foreheads together and stroked his hair. He hated that Billy had this effect on them. He kissed Shawn’s forehead.

“No, he’s not. Even if I have to tie him to a rocket and send him to space”, Steve said, trying to lighten the mood in the room.

Shawn’s hold on his blanket relaxed a little. The book they’d been reading was on the floor. Steve picked it up and put it on the shelf. He knew he was too anxious to get to sleep and that was probably true for Shawn too. 

“How about a midnight snack?”

Shawn’s reply was to throw the covers off and hop out of bed. “Is it a midnight snack when it’s not even midnight yet?”, he asked, taking his daddy’s hand as they walked out of his room.

“I think it counts”, Steve said.

When they got to the kitchen, Shawn sat at the table while Steve got some things from the pantry. Tonight seemed a good night for some hot milk with honey. Maybe some cinnamon and vanilla too. 

“You NEVER let me stay up on a school night”, Shawn said, a little in awe. 

“Well they’re also school nights for me”, Steve smiled as he turned the stove on. “And I can’t be late either.”

Steve stirred the pot, making a serving for them both and pouring it into two mugs. He came over to the table, bringing some cookies for them to dunk too. They sat and snacked, talking mostly about nothing. When they finished, Steve could tell his son wasn’t all that tired still, so they moved to the living room and turned on the tv. Steve gave him a choice between animals, oceans, or space and Shawn chose animals.

In silence, they watched and learned about different organisms that lived in the Arctic tundras. Steve felt his pup yawn next to him and knew he was down for the count. He gathered him in his arms and turned the tv off. As he was settled into bed, Shawn rubbed his eyes. 

“Daddy?”

“Hm?”

“I kinda want Mr. Eddie to be my dad too. Instead of him.”

Steve didn’t know how it was possible for his heart to feel light and heavy at the same time. He sat on the edge of the bed.

“Can I tell you a secret?” He waited for his pup to nod before continuing. “I think he’d be a great father.”

Even if Eddie hadn’t been there for Shawn’s birth, something he already had on Billy, Eddie had more than proven himself as capable around children. Not just as a teacher but as…well, a father too. He kissed Shawn’s forehead and then got up to go to his own room. His hand itched to grab his phone and call.

He sent a text to Robin without hesitation. She’d been there during the last couple of years of his time with Billy. She knew what his sudden appearance would mean. He was hesitant to tell Eddie though. Things had been going so great between them. Would this throw a wrench in things? Would he decide that Steve wasn’t worth the trouble? What would that do to Shawn?

Steve took a breath and put his phone down. It was too late to get worked up after coming down with Shawn. His son was right, they both had school tomorrow. He contemplated a mental health day for them both, he hadn’t taken off a single day this year, so he had some available. He’d let Shawn decide in the morning.

For now, he got into the bed and let sleep take him.

Part 14 coming soon

Taglist

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[bluedew]

what should you do in your specific situation? 🍎

if you can't already tell i'm on summer break and i have a lot of time to analyze my own feelings, and to do my hobbies, so there might be more pac readings coming up! i hope this resonates and you feel up to it feel free to give me feedback. i cannot guarantee that this will resonate with everyone or match everyone's situation, so please forgive me if i am wrong.

PILE 1.

hmmm....for you i'm getting mixed answers. what you really have to ask yourself is if this is what you truly want to do, whatever you're thinking of doing? if you knew that there's a better situation ahead would you be chasing after the second-best one? you don't realize your worth and that's why you try to grab at anything that gives you the slightest glance. analyze your wants, if you really want to do this, if it's going to be most beneficial to YOU. there's a thing called self-love; if you keep ignoring it because you want to make other people like you, both you and others will not like you. be yourself; you're charming, but when you try to be a people-pleaser it erases your beauty.

PILE 2.

whatever situation this is, it's going to work out for you, but you have to release all worries and anxieties about it. it will come in time, my love, but you cannot keep chipping away at your beautiful soul while waiting for it to arrive. you don't have to try hard to get your way in this situation, because what you need is already on the way. you're probably a very anxious person, maybe a depressed one, and right now you need to focus on THAT instead of this specific situation. being detail-oriented isn't helpful in this time.

PILE 3.

say what you mean!! that's what i'm getting for this pile. i think you're a very vocal person but sometimes you get stuck and are unable to voice your thoughts, your opinions. even if it's talking to yourself in the mirror, or talking to someone who you trust, you HAVE to talk. it'll straighten out the situation and you'll know what to do by then. sometimes we just need to let our words echo into the world and then everything becomes clear as glass. for some of you, if you're worried about being the 'villain' or 'disliked' in whatever situation you're stuck in, most people aren't idiots. everyone will not hate you, and if they do they do not know you fully and should not judge you. many people adore you already, and those are the ones you have to keep in your life.

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Our children yearn for the waterpark

part one

barbie dolls: Jegulus x you

word:3.9k

summary:James takes you and regulus (along with your children) to a waterpark

warnings: your son is named Elliot, also you're referred to as Ren and Rena like the gn term for your parent so just yk it's not an oc i promise, pushing the trans James agenda, James is a baker and regulus is a stay at home dad/writer you’re a teacher just so you know, modern au I'm SORRY, James’ parents are alive, Regulus has freinds, Regulus hates the public water, Allusions to poc Luna harry and james, your race and elliots race is not menntioned everyone is welocome, you dont get in the water, Regulus is a sunscreen god he loves sunscreen so much, Harry is mentioned to have moms theyre giving divorce core mom and dad’s house, james drives a minivan, allusions to autistic reader and Elliot but its not specified, your swimsuit is not mwntioned or described so again everybody welcome, i hate typos oh my god

You liked dating James and Regulus. Your relationship was still very fresh, but their effect was hard to miss. They made you laugh all the time. James was very energetic, matching your kids well. Regulus was blunt and it relaxed your nerves of missing a hidden message in a conversation. And they were both great parents. Your kids already loved each other and they got along well.

School was out. Meaning both you and Elliot had loads of free time on your hands. With summer in full swing, you set up frequent playdates with Elliot’s two best friends. You wanted him to keep his strong bonds with them and it definitely wasn’t because you missed Regulus and James. Regulus was really self-employed. He stayed at home to raise Luna and to write his books. He could easily add a playdate to his schedule. James however was a baker with hours he had to meet. So he didn’t always have a clear schedule. Harry would stay with his grandparents, Euphemia and Fleamont, while James was at work. Harry also spent a lot of time at his Moms’ house. So making a playdate with all three children involved was harder than expected. Elliot still liked hanging out with Luna, and sometimes even Harry too on certain weekends.

Your phone rang as you were cutting up celery for Elliot. He was going through a peanut butter phase, eating it on everything. You picked up the call, holding the phone with your shoulder and the side of your face.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Pretty. It’s me.” You smiled at James’ voice. Just as you were about to tell him hi again, he started talking. “Lemme add Regulus.” You stayed silent as his side went quiet. You heard Elliot in the other room, clacking his toys together on the dining room table. You snagged a pretzel from the small pile on his plate. Soon enough James and Regulus both joined.

“Are you guys busy this weekend?” You scoffed at James. You heard Regulus sniffle a laugh on his line.

“James, baby, we’re always free. Do try to remember our professions.” You said as you smeared peanut butter onto Elliot’s celery.

“Right yeah, well I just accidently bought exactly six passes to this really cool waterpark,” James said, whispering the last word. You oooed while Regulus snorted.

“James, do share with us how you accidentally bought exactly enough passes for all of us and our children.” Regulus pressed. You heard Luna in the background let out a yell filled with laughter.

“Was that Luna?” You asked. Regulus explained that her uncles were over and attacking her with tickles. Regulus returned the conversation to the waterpark passes.

“alright fine, you caught me. I missed you guys. I’ve been so busy with work, I feel like I haven’t seen you all summer.” You cooed at James while Regulus let out a whine.

“He cares.” Regulus mocked.

“How adorable.” You joined in making James groan loudly. “What day were you planning on going to the p-a-r-k, James?” You spelled out where you were going so Elliot wouldn’t overhear and get excited. You turned around to the color-coordinated calendar on the fridge. It was mostly empty, you and Elliot preferred the company of each other than strangers. Though you had a really exciting playdate with Luna planned next Thursday. What a wild life you lived.

“This Saturday if that works for you two.” You glanced over at the empty box.

“Yeah, I could squeeze you in.” You muttered into the microphone as you turned back to Elliot’s plate.

“Lemme check my planner.” Regulus waited for a second. “Oh that’s right, I hate human beings. I'm completely free.” James let out a sigh of relief. You picked up Elliot’s plate, walking it to the dining room. Elliot was sitting in a chair, his little arms just barely reaching over the edge of the table, smacking two toy cars together. You set his plate in front of him. Elliot thanked you, shoving the peanut butter-covered celery into his mouth. You kissed his forehead, ruffling his hair before pulling back. You noticed his bare legs.

“Baby, where are your pants?” You tilted your head. Elliot pointed to the bathroom.

“Hamper,” Elliot answered.

“Well, good job putting them in the hamper but why aren’t they on your legs?” You asked.

“Didn’t wanna wear ‘em,” Elliot said, his mouth full of celery.

“Can’t argue with that, make sure you chew all the way okay.” Elliot nodded as you left to go clean the kitchen.

“One thing I will say though, I’m not getting that water. Do you realize how filthy those things are?” You tuned back into the conversation listening to Regulus list off statistics of how gross waterparks are.

“That’s okay, I’ll be in the water so I can make sure Luna doesn’t swim away or anything,” James said, clearing up the problem. You nodded.

“I’ll dry off Luna if you don’t want to touch the water on her, and we’ll lay a towel over one of those chairs that are shaded so we know it's clean. If you feel lonely, I'll sit with you and James if you feel tired we can swap places.” You offered, wanting to fill in any potholes in your plans.

“You are very kind, darling,” Regulus muttered. You cooed at him as you shoved the peanut butter back in the high cabinet so Elliot wouldn’t eat it all in one sitting and hurt his stomach.

“You guys are nasty. I was thinking maybe we carpool so nobody gets lost and it saves gas.” James said. You hummed while Regulus made a disapproving sound.

“James, there’s like twelve of us. Are you driving a bus?” Regulus said, poking holes into James’ ideas. If you were looking at James you assumed he’d be rolling his eyes.

“I have a big van. It has enough seating for us, I counted to make sure.” You hummed.

“Okay, baby, whatever you want.” You agreed, putting the celery into the refrigerator. Regulus sighed.

“I suppose that could work.” You snorted at Regulus’ faked disappointment. You heard Luna call for Regulus on his side.

“I’m being called for Yeti in my Spaghetti, I have to go.” You all said bye before hanging up.

Saturday came faster than you thought it would. You were packing a big bag of sunscreen and towels, in no time. You told Elliot he didn’t need to wear his goggles before you even got in the car but he was excited. You let it slide, you’re only seven once. You were a little anxious about the whole thing, you worried one of the kids would splash Regulus. You were worried they would slip on the wet concrete and crack their head. You worried Elliot’s goggles were too tight on his head. You heard an engine approaching. You looked out the window to verify it was James. Definitely his red minivan, bumper stickers littering the back. You turned around to Elliot.

“You know who’s in the driveway?” Elliot jumped up off the couch, bouncing on his feet.

“Harry and Luna?” You nodded. Elliot bolted towards the door. You were opening the minivan door in no time, a wave of hello’s meeting you and Elliot. Luna and Harry were next to each other in the back row.

“They wanted to sit in the back because they’re spies.” You hummed at Regulus’ explanation. You were able to fit Elliot’s booster seat in the back, next to Luna. You pushed the seat in front of them back, sitting in the row in front of theirs. Regulus was in the passenger seat, tilting his head back to see you. You smiled at him warmly as you buckled your seatbelt. James’ face appeared next to his, looking at you.

“Hi,” James said, a light air to his greeting.

“Hi.”

“Okay, waterpark here we come!” James said, loud enough for the back row to hear. The kids all squealed, thrashing their legs and arms around. Your trip to the waterpark calmed your worries. James and Regulus’ presence already working numbers. James apparently made a summertime fun playlist specifically for this. The kids seemed to enjoy it. Luna made her doll dance and Elliot made his car dance. Harry just made himself dance.

You six easily made it through the gates. You were holding hands with Regulus on one side and Elliot on the other. When you look back to see Elliot holding onto Luna’s hand and Luna holding onto Harry’s hand, you had flashbacks to watching ducks cross the road. James was in the front leading you all to his Harry’s favorite part of the waterpark. Regulus narrowly avoided a small kid with Nemo arm floaties splashing. You rubbed his arm in sympathy.

“I'll dry you off if you get any water on you, and I have hand sanitizer and butt wipes in my bag. Regulus knocked your cheek with his head in a thank you. James ran ahead, snagging a sunlounger for Regulus. You pulled a towel out of your bag, handing it to James. Regulus settled onto the chair, digging into his own bag. He motioned for Luna to come over, squirting a mountain of tinted sunscreen into his hands. Regulus smothered Luna in sunscreen, making sure she was covered entirely.

Luna had on an adorable bright orange swimsuit with ruffles around the edges. She had matching arm floaties that she talked Regulus out of, pinkie promising to stay in the shallow end. You knew that within an hour she’d want to go into the deep end and Regulus would have to talk her into a life vest and arm floaties. Luna was free though, slipping her Tinkerbell flip-flops off and splashing into the shallow end. You were in the kid's area so there wasn’t even really a deep end but you could easily imagine Luna tricking someone into taking her to the lazy river.

Harry was next in the sunscreen line. Harry had on a long-sleeved swim shirt and Lighting McQueen shorts. James had on just red shorts. He had already tossed his coverup tee off. You didn’t want to oggle him. James had antler tattoos following the path of the scars on his chest. Regulus’ shorts were blue, you expected him to stay under the shade the whole time.

James pulled his spray can of suscreen out of his bag. Regulus looked aghast at James even thinking of covering a human in that. Regulus slapped it out of James’ hands, using Luna’s sunscreen on Harry instead. Regulus forced James into using Luna’s sunscreen as well. Regulus smothered some over James’ cheeks. It made James fluster, giggling and needing to turn around to take a moment to himself. After Regulus smothered James and Harry in sunscreen, he pulled Elliot over.

You sat next to Regulus as he rubbed sunscreen into Elliot’s skin. You held onto Elliot’s hand, he was squeezing the life out of it. Elliot hated the texture of sunscreen but he liked playing in the water more than sitting in the shade. He just needed a little bit of comfort through it and he was okay. After Regulus was done Elliot moved into your arms for more comfort. You hummed, squeezing him tight. You rocked him gently, giving him all the praises he needed. Elliot eventually pulled back, leaving his shoes next to his friends’ and joining them in the water. You smiled at him splashing with his friends, the three of them flinging water at James, who pretended to die and crash into the water.

You turned back to Regulus, happy you were all together. Regulus was staring at you with a deadly serious look in his eyes. His palms were pointed towards you, you glanced down at them. Your smile slightly fell when you realized they were coated in sunscreen.

“Oh Regulus, I actually put some on at ho-“ Regulus shut you up by smothering your face with his hands. He removed them, smearing his hands down your arms. You sputtered, he avoided your eyes and mouth shockingly. Regulus returned his hands to your face, now gently rubbing it into your face. You understood now why this flustered James. Regulus had both hands on your face treating your skin with such love, making sure you were fully protected. He eventually sat back, adding more to his hands before looking up at you.

“Can I do the rest or do you want to?” You shrugged.

“I’m cool with whatever you want, babe.” Regulus sighed. He hated when people made him make decisions.

“I'll do most.” You hummed in approval. He rubbed sunscreen into most of your skin, handing you the bottle to finish. When you were done you squeezed some of Regulus’ sunscreen into your hands, facing him with the same severity. He looked up from rubbing some into his arms. He raised an eyebrow at you.

“I'll get your back, baby.” Regulus squinted his eyes at you. You grinned.

“Are you trying to steal my job?” You shook your head moving to sit behind him. You applying sunscreen devolved into you just rubbing the tension out of his shoulders. Regulus dropped his head back against you. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, lightly pecking his cheek on the way. You both watched as James picked Harry up by his ankles, wrapping his arms around Harry’s legs, and swinging him around. It made Harry giggle loudly, squealing and swinging his arms around. James gently set Harry back on his feet, splashing all three of your kids with a large swing of his arms. James left the water, squeezing his shorts out. He slumped down into the sun lounge chair next to you that you claimed with your bag.

He pulled his arms under his head, sighing. You admired the way the sun warmed his skin. You were not checking him out you were just checking for sunburns. Regulus pressed a kiss to your arm, leaning out of your hold. James opened his eyes, looking over at you both.

“So I was thinking, maybe we go out to eat after this.” You hummed nodding your head.

“You pick, I hate making decisions,” Regulus muttered. You patted his shoulder.

“Parenting must be hard for you.” Regulus nodded at you. He looked up when he heard Luna scream. Harry was splashing her. Elliot was near them staring at the lost water shoe sitting at the edge of the shallow water.

“Elliot, leave the shoe alone.” You yelled over at him. His head shot up, caught. He stood up and pointed down at it.

“Rena, it has no brother. Where’s the owner?” You shrugged at him.

“I don’t know, baby. Leave it alone, you don’t know what somebody could’ve stepped in.” Elliot pouted at you. Your yelling caught the attention of the other two. They stood around the lost shoe staring down at it. You stood up, joining them so now all four of you were standing around this lost shoe and inspecting it. You told them not to touch it running over to the nearby snowcone stand asking for napkins. You picked the shoe up with a napkin. The three children follow you to the trashcan. You set it on top in case the owner came back, and looked for it. You tossed the napkins into the trashcan, turning around to your little huddle of kids.

“Why can you touch it but we can’t?” Luna asked, staring up at you.

“I had napkins, and I’m an adult so I can make my own decisions about my health.” Luna pouted at your answer.

“That’s unjust,” Luna muttered under her breath.

“Can we have napkins?” Harry asked. You shook your head. Elliot scoffed.

“This sucks, you took away my shoe.” You dropped your shoulders.

“I’m sorry hun but you can’t have that shoe. it’s not for you.” You looked around the huddle to make sure they all understood. Luna pushed her wet hair away from her face. Elliot turned around and left, the other two following after him. When you returned to James and Regulus, you noticed how much Luna was fighting with her hair. It kept sticking to her face and annoying her. Her eyebrows were pushed together and she looked close to drowning her mermaid doll.

“Regulus, could I put Luna’s hair up? It keeps getting in her face.” Regulus shrugged. He reached over to his bag, pulling two hairbands off a key chain and handing them to you. You asked Luna if she wanted her hair up. She said yes and settled in front of you on the chair. You had James run to the snowcone stand and ask for a cup of water. You made sure her hair was damp, so you wouldn’t hurt it. You gently pulled her hair up into a ponytail, using the hair ties Regulus gave you to hold it. You patted her arms when you were done. Luna turned around and gave you a tight hug.

After another hour of the kids and James being rowdy, you were all tired. You stayed true to your word, drying Luna off with her towel while Regulus packed up his bag. With everyone buckled in the car, James started towards whatever food place he picked. The ride back from the waterpark was much calmer and quieter than the ride to. The kids were tired, you were tired, the car was tired. You glanced over at Regulus when you heard him mutter something. You noticed James’ hand resting on Regulus’ thigh. You smiled at that, glad you were all close. James smiled brightly at Regulus, making the car heat up with his joy.

“Well thank you, I like your swimsuit too.” You glanced at the backseat making sure all three kids were asleep.

“Oh, that’s why you invited us to the waterpark. To see me and Regulus half naked. I get it now.” James looked at you through the rearview mirror.

“No, I wanted you guys to have fun, don't soil my good name like that,” James said, giving you a playful glare. Regulus ignored you both, resting his head against his arm on the door. You noticed James’ thumb swiping back and forth in a soothing manner. You smiled at him before returning your attention out the window.

Eventually, you were gently rocking the kids’ knees so they would wake up. When they realized they had the prospect of chicken strips and french fries, they were scrambling out of their seats. You were sat at a round booth. It was more of a fast food than a restaurant place so your wet swimsuit coverups weren’t really a problem. You helped Elliot pick out his meal as James helped Harry. Luna apparently already knew what she wanted, busying herself with the sugar packets.

Your food arrived and you cut up Harry’s chicken strips while James caught you and Regulus up with what was going on with him. You slid Harry’s plate back to him. Elliot handed you the small bowl of ketchup like it was going to bite him.

“Nasty, Rena. I don't want it.” You nodded, taking it away. You set it between you and James so Elliot wouldn’t have to look at it.

“Oh thank you.” James dunked one of his fries into the bowl. You weren’t going to correct him and tell him you didn’t do that on purpose so you just smiled. You checked on Elliot, seeing him chomp into his chicken strips, tearing it away. He rawred before chewing properly. You put together that he was probably pretending to be a dinosaur. His favorite was a velociraptor. He liked that they looked like ‘stupid chickens’. You glanced over at Luna. She was chowing down on her burger. She ordered for herself. She did a great job too. Luna was very well-spoken, she seemed to have a big vocabulary. It probably had something to do with living with a writer. Especially a writer like Regulus.

You tore off a corner from your paper napkin. You rolled it into a ball before chucking it at Regulus. It hit him square in the forehead. Regulus set his fork down, looking down at the paper ball in his lap. He looked up at you and James both smothering your laughter. He reached over and covered Harry’s eyes before flipping you off. Elliot was luckily under the table getting his crayon off the floor. James dropped his fry. Regulus picked up his fork taking a proud bite out of his own fry. You ignored the fact he was eating fries with his fork and that he passed it to Luna.

“What about Luna?” James asked. Regulus removed his hand from Harry. Harry glared at Regulus before picking up another chicken strip.

“Oh, I already sawed that. Uncle B said it means I love you but Uncle Rosie told me the truth. Uncle B likes partial jokes.” Luna said, matter of factly. She kept her eyes on her burger before taking a bite. Regulus nodded at her.

“Practical, not partial. You used the phrase practical jokes correctly though. Good job, Lue.” Luna smiled with her cheeks full at Regulus. You understood why her vocab was so big now, it was Regulus. Elliot rawred again, making three claws with his fingers to pick up his chicken strips.

You were all strapped into James’ minivan and on the way back home, in no time. The kids were entertaining each other in the backseat. James had his playlist softly playing in the background.

“We should get together just us,” James said. Regulus looked away from his window raising an eyebrow at him.

”Is that not what we just did?” Regulus asked. James shook his head.

“No I mean like we should go on a for real date, not a playdate that we happen to flirt in the background. We go out just the three of us. Maybe not the waterpark though.” James explained, keeping his eyes on the road.

“I want to but it’s kinda hard getting a babysitter.” You said, looking between them. Regulus turned around to make eye contact with you.

“Elliot could spend the night at my house, I have like a thousand free babysitters,” Regulus said, waving his hand through the air.

“What will Uncle B teach my kind how to say fuck in every language?” You teased. Regulus pressed his lips togehter.

”He’s actually not that bad, he’s really good with kids. He just also has an odd sense of humor.” you squinted at Regulus. ” It's alright if you don't want him to babysit I can have Evan and Dorcas babysit. Evan is just as insane as Barty but he lowers it while around children. Barty doesn’t. Docas is super cool, she’ll probably teach Elliot how to sword fight with wrapping paper tubes.”

“Docas does sound sick.” You muttered. James cheered.

“See we can go out for real, Regulus you do the planning this time.” Regulus nodded at James.

“I actually really like planning, I wish I had my joural. I would’ve taken notes.” Regulus sadly muttered. Once you were back home, Elliot passed out on the couch. You smiled at him clutching his car to his chest. You were excited for Regulus to call you and start his planning process.

[play-rough]

Happy Birthday Dazai 🥺🤧🩵

I really wanted to have the next classification au finished by Dazai’s birthday, but it just didn’t happen rip

So here’s a chunk of chapter one under the readmore instead! Since it’s a wip, everything below is subject to change 🩵 tw for child abuse and s/h (i know it’s Dazai but it’s more directly referenced idk idk) also let me know if something is incomprehensible because now’s the time to fix it haha 🩵🩵

Thanks everyone for enjoying and encouraging my work 🩵 I hope we have all have a wonderful Dazai birthday celebration 🩵🎉

The first thing that Dazai hears is the sound of writing tools scratching against papers. Someone is at a desk working.

Dazai whines, tongue pressing against something rubber on the edge of his mouth. He recognizes his pacifier after a second, almost falling out. With a quick flick of his tongue, the soother is back in Dazai’s mouth, and he clamps his teeth around it to keep it in place.

The pen against the table paper is a nice soundtrack while Dazai sucks on his pacifier. He feels small, but also something else. More detached than he’s been before, but weirdly less panicked.

He’s not sure who’s writing at the desk, and logically he knows that if he’s resting on a couch, and there’s someone writing at a desk, he could be in Mori’s office.

For some reason, that’s not something that worries Dazai right now, and opening his sleepy eyes a bit to observe his surroundings proves him right. He is in an office, but the Port Mafia’s boss isn’t the one working quietly.

A familiar orange floods Dazai’s vision, and he doesn’t even have to focus and pay attention to know it’s Chuuya.

Dazai whimpers softly, and holds out grabby hands towards the direction of the sounds. The only thing Dazai hears is a soft sigh, but no chairs scraping against floors or footsteps towards a sad baby.

His arms start to get tired, and cold, so Dazai tucks them back against his side. He whines louder instead, hoping to snag Chuuya’s attention.

“Dazai,” Chuuya huffs. “I played with you all morning.”

Dazai bites his pacifier, and then he opens his eyes fully to look at Chuuya.

Chibi is hunched over a desk that’s piled several feet high with paperwork. Despite seeing this, Dazai can’t stop himself as he mewls out another whimper being his paci.

“Dazai.” Chuuya says sternly, and it causes any remaining sounds to die in his throat. “I’m busy. Can’t you go bother someone else?”

He can’t, Dazai only wants Chuuya. His mind is full of memories of being held and rocked to sleep. It makes Dazai wonder why he’s ever fought regressing so hard in the first place. Chuuya’s hands make him feel like jelly, and Dazai can’t help but melt and become putty in his grasp. It’s so nice, and Chuuya feels so warm and safe.

Dazai can’t help but let out another sad whine.

“Fuck, fine,” Chuuya grumbles out, and he couldn’t possibly sound less enthusiastic. Dazai is suddenly sitting in his lap in the blink of an eye, but there’s no back pats or rocking, to his disappointment. “Just stop crying, you’re giving me a headache.”

Dazai can’t stop, he just got started, and doesn’t Chuuya know how long his tantrums go on?

“Stop, I’m holding you aren’t I? Would you rather have a time out?”

That makes Dazai freeze in place, he hates timeouts. He’s suddenly overwhelmed with feelings of boredom and loneliness, so he bites down on his pacifier and grips Chuuya’s shirt, willing the crying to stop.

Dazai can’t, though, as hard as he tries the tears keep coming, and he can’t calm down. Especially not with Chuuya shouting every five seconds.

“Just stop, Dazai,” Chuuya snaps. “You’re being a nuisance!”

The harsh words sting, and also come with a sudden shove. Dazai tries to hang on to Chuuya, but the shirt slips from his grasp, and he falls off of his caretaker’s lap and into inky darkness.

The falling sensation seems to last forever, until Dazai finally opens his eyes with a frantic gasp. He can’t breathe for a good few moments, struggling for air as his stomach flips. It takes an embarrassing amount of time to put together that he’s had a nightmare.

Dazai lays on his bed for a long time, chest hiccupping and stuttering uncontrollably. He feels like crying, no doubt leftover feelings from his dream.

He breathes unsteadily, in and out around his pointer and index finger, nibbling softly at his nails. Dazai must have slipped his fingers into his mouth at some point during the nightmare.

At least, Dazai hoped it was during the nightmare, and he hadn’t slept with his fingers in his mouth all night. He was dreaming of sucking on a pacifier, and the shame he feels tells him that he’s probably been doing this for a while.

Indulging this isn’t going to get him anywhere, it’s his worst habit. While comforting temporarily, it ultimately just makes him feel closer to headspace. Counterproductive, Dazai doesn’t want to drop, so he needs to get his fingers out of his mouth.

Despite telling himself this, Dazai has to forcibly take his hand away, and he definitely feels the loss of comfort when an emptiness washes over him. Stupid. Dazai is so pathetic and stupid.

It’s morning, and his whole day is already ruined by a stupid dream. Dazai feels empty and clingy, a familiar feeling that makes him want attention.

Staring up at the rusty ceiling, his eyes follow a small leak. A drip of water falls a few inches from his head every few moments, and Dazai watches it like seconds ticking away on a clock.

This gets boring very quickly, and boredom only lets Dazai’s thoughts run wild. His nightmare is the only thing in the front of his mind.

You’re being a nuisance!

Dream Chuuya was right, of course. Dazai was a nuisance.

Even if in his dreams he doesn’t remember, Dazai knows why he has to fight it, why he can’t just let go and trust Chuuya will catch him every time he falls.

Chuuya’s not going to be around forever. Flashes of Dazai being shoved away, Chibi’s look of disgust as Dazai calls out for his attention. It reminded Dazai of the face Chuuya made when he bit Tsu. Chuuya is capable of disgust and rage and loathing and Dazai knows one day this softness will end. His partner will grow tired of how difficult he is. Everyone eventually figures out that Dazai isn’t worth the time, the effort, or the headaches.

Dazai rolls over in a huff, hoping to end this train of thought. Wallowing in self pity was another terrible quality of his.

When Dazai’s ear hits the mattress, an uncomfortable ache travels down the side of his face. The pain is a surprise, but it’s also incredibly fast, leaving almost as soon as it starts.

Once that’s over, Dazai still can’t get comfortable. His next distraction is a crawling feeling across his skin. It’s not the worst pain he’s ever felt, but it’s enough to make him forget about his ear for now.

Dazai is no stranger to feeling uncomfortable in his skin, and usually the bandages help. Dazai’s arms are a mess, nights spent doing things he doesn’t want to think about and then weeks following picking things back open whenever he gets nervous. The soft bandages at least keep the sensitive injured skin from rubbing against clothing.

But today, it feels like electricity is sparking up and down every inch of himself, and the bandages itch horribly. Dazai runs a palm up and down his forearm roughly, and it helps the icky feeling for a moment.

Just a moment, though. The second Dazai stops scratching it comes back, maybe even worse than before with the added irritation from disturbing injuries under the bandages.

Everything is uncomfortable this morning. Even the bits of sunlight peeking through cracks in his crate, shining and hitting his eyes. Dazai squints and whines, rubbing his eyes, and then scratching at his other arm.

These bandages are a few days old. Chuuya is always harping on him to change them, and Dazai does. But he’s also thrifty, and a recycler, so there’s a lot of flipping and rewrapping going on. He probably just needs to rewrap his arms and change into something fresh.

Changing his bandages isn’t as easy as it sounds, though. For one thing, Dazai is pretty sure he’s out, so he’s got to get more from the store. Before he can even get to the store, he’s got to get up and get out of bed. Getting out of bed seems impossible. It’s cold.

Really he should just be glad that he doesn’t have to drag himself to the Port Mafia today. He should have been able to lounge in bed all day, recover from a restless night of tossing and turning through nightmares. It’s just his luck that a day when he should be free to lay in bed all day is halted by a need for something stupid like bandages. This is another problem that Dazai has created all by himself, he can’t stop fucking things up, and he can’t avoid punishment, but he’s not responsible enough to keep some stupid bandages around.

Dazai really isn’t good for anything, a barely functioning burden on everyone. He’s a nuisance.

It’s that hatred burning in his tummy that finally gets him to throw the blanket off of himself in a sudden motion, letting it slump onto the floor. From there, a full body shiver sparks up and down his thin form, and it’s a good thing he’s alone. His body lets out a pathetic whimper, and that’s the cherry on top of Dazai’s motivation-cake to get moving. The sooner he gets his bandages, the sooner he can lay down again.

Dazai considers changing his clothes before heading out, last night ended with him falling asleep in his dress pants and white button up again. But, a new set of clothes would be cold, his body heat has made these ones just barely tolerable. It seems pointless when Dazai already had his shoes on, it’s easier just to throw Mori’s coat over his shoulders and leave.

At least if Dazai is walking, he’ll be warmer.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Dazai’s container is out of the way of pretty much everything. This is of course, by design. If Dazai wanted to be within easy access, he’d just live in the Port Mafia dorms. Or better yet, sleep under Mori’s desk, so the boss could use him as a footrest.

No, the shipping container is safe and hidden in plain sight. Surrounded by hundreds of others that look just like it, miles and miles from the Port Mafia.

Also several miles from the nearest drug store.

Actually, there’s one about a mile away from the shipping yard, but if Dazai is spotted there enough, you could theorize that he lives in that surrounding area. That was far too close for Dazai’s comfort, he always tried to avoid the stores that would be considered in his ‘neighborhood.’

He started today off terribly, letting himself be bothered by a stupid nightmare. Dazai should have never left his bed, and this is evident on the walk to the store. Every step makes Dazai’s skin hurt even worse, the cold biting and the textures of his clothes chafing.

Scratching is really all he can do, even if the relief is quickly fleeting. Dazai isn’t sure how long he has to walk, but his joints feel sore. The air is dry, and it makes him realize that at some point his sinuses have begun to hurt. Dazai swallows, feeling his ears pop.

That’s how Dazai continues on all the way to a drug store about a half a mile from the Port Mafia. Swallowing and scratching, willing all these uncomfortable feelings to go away. Dazai brings a hand up to tug on one of his ears as he enters through the automatic doors, hopefully the swap from outside dry air to inside artificial air will help.

Tugging on his ear certainly doesn’t, and Dazai winces at another uncomfortable pop that makes his jaw ache, and goes back to scratching his forearms instead.

The store was big, and there was no large blinking arrow directing Dazai to the bandages. Frankly stupid design choice, and Dazai suddenly remembers his hatred for being out in public.

A store clerk looks like she’s about to acknowledge Dazai, perceiving him even, and he makes a beeline for the back isles. If he walks with purpose, she will assume he doesn’t need help.

Dazai may need help though, because by some miracle he’s found the medical section, with every kind of dressings and ointment except for his. Only the sticky bandages seem to be sold at this drug store.

He searches through surrounding isles, and he’s starting to get a bit frustrated. An ugly feeling sparks in his chest and makes his stomach churn, his face is starting to feel hot and he wants to stomp his foot when something catches Dazai’s attention instead. It’s a colorful display of pastels out of the corner of his eye.

Dazai came here for a reason. He needs bandages. But he’s only been awake for a few hours and today is already so hard, so Dazai’s discipline and focus maybe isn’t the best right now.

There’s a display of baby blankets at the end of one of the isles. Dazai is frozen in place, staring at them. For a moment, it feels like the world stops, until his arm starts itching again.

That’s right. Bandages.

Dazai can feel his cheeks flushing as he stares at the blankies, a different uncomfortable warmth that makes him squirm in shame instead of wanting to throw a fit. He needs to keep looking for bandages, he’s not here to waste time, but he can’t turn his attention away.

He can’t stop himself, his body moves on its own as he takes a few steps towards the display. The blankets look soft. There’s all kinds of colors, but right in front of Dazai is a pastel pink.

Dazai does not have a favorite color. Sometimes if he’s given choices between objects, he goes for a blue, like Chuuya’s eyes. Or, since he really can’t be bothered, he chooses whichever item is closer.

Dazai has never really had the opportunity to choose a pastel pink, and now it’s also the closest one right in front of him. The color was… sweet. It made Dazai think of starfish, and strawberries, and other things that make him feel mushy inside.

Before he knows it, Dazai has spent who knows how long trembling in front of the blankets, like a starving animal looking at food in an obvious trap. Dazai can feel how hot his face is, and he knows he must be beet red. He needs to leave, Dazai has no business standing here in front of a blankie display, but his feet are glued into place.

Dazai isn’t sure what he should be more ashamed over, the fact that he’s wasted so much time fawning over a stupid object, or the fact that the object in question was a pink blanket.

It almost makes him want to throw up thinking about it. It looked like something Mori would get for Elise, a frivolous waste. Dazai was better than that, he didn’t need anything like blankets and toys.

Fishie didn’t count.

He doesn’t dare to reach out and touch the item. If he did, Dazai knew it would all be over. It’s tempting just to flip it over, and view the price, but he knows better.

How expensive could a piece of fabric even be? It’s not like Dazai doesn’t have the money. And blankets are a normal thing to own, not just for babies.

Chuuya owns blankets. Lots of them. Dazai has one blanket, and it’s pretty threadbare, so one could even argue that he was just getting some home necessities. That’s not a crime.

Dazai entertains this idea for half a second, but it’s quickly tossed aside. A small baby blanket isn’t going to make a difference on the cold windy nights. There’s no point.

Besides, this thing was so pathetic, and if Dazai wants to be seen as an adult, he needs to act like one. If Chuuya found out he bought a blankie, Dazai would never hear the end of it.

Of course, he could always keep it hidden under his mattress. The Slug would never know, and then Dazai would have something to cuddle at night in his container.

Dazai’s stomach flips, realizing where his thoughts had gone. Not okay. He quickly pinches himself, up near his inner elbow, for some kind of negative reinforcement. Punishment is the only way he learns.

Dazai doesn’t need something to cuddle at night, just like he doesn’t need to suck on his fingers, and he doesn’t need to regress.

Not to mention that if someone saw him, word would get back to the boss so fast. He could always say it was a gift for Elise, but then Dazai would have to give her his blankie. It’s an unfortunate series of events that makes him feel nauseous just thinking about it.

Dazai’s arms start itching again, and he doesn’t hesitate to scratch them. His joints have started to hurt again too, but he’s probably just tired from another restless night, and walking a few miles to the store didn’t help.

His nails rake up and down his arm, and then Dazai swaps hands after a moment. His cuts are starting to burn, and it makes Dazai want to itch them even more, but with every scratch it just gets worse and worse and worse.

He needs to stop. Something is gonna open up, and then Dazai is going to start bleeding. He’s going to have to deal with the eyes on him as he buys new bandages while actively spotting through his current ones.

If he gets blood on the blanket, he’ll have to buy it.

Dazai can’t entertain that string of thoughts for too long, because his phone suddenly goes off in his pocket. He answers quickly, in case it’s Mori, but the butterflies in his chest tell him it’s Chuuya.

I’m making a new pasta sauce recipe, if you want to try it.

Dazai has never been more thankful for Chuuya’s incredible timing (not even when Slug has shielded him from stray bullets). He’s invited over.

He doesn’t need an invitation, Dazai can do anything he wants, including showing up at Chuuya’s house unannounced. But the fact that he’s got a reminder that Chuuya doesn’t actually hate having him around temporarily makes him forget about his itchy skin and pressured sinuses.

This shopping trip has been a complete disaster, and Dazai hasn’t even figured out where his bandages of choice are kept in this stupid store. He couldn’t get past the stupid fucking blankets.

Without thinking about it, Dazai shoves his hands into his pocket, and marches out. Deep down, he feared that if he hadn’t left at that moment, Dazai would be walking to Chuuya’s house with a blanket tucked in his arms.

Instead, it’s better to pretend that Dazai’s trip to the drug store never happened. Chuuya has bandages he can steal, and Dazai does not need a blankie under any circumstances.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

When Dazai slips into the apartment, he can immediately tell Chuuya is in the kitchen. Chuuya isn’t quiet when he cooks, he bangs pots and pans around and laughs and swears. It’s easy to sneak up on Chibi standing by his stove, stirring something in a pot.

Dazai wants to tease, or make some kind of joke about if Chuuya could even see over the stove, but it dies on his tongue as he watches his partner cook for a few seconds. Chibi looks horribly domestic, stirring the pot and tapping his foot while humming a song Dazai doesn’t recognize.

It suddenly hits Dazai again that all of this is fleeting, and the joke dies on his tongue.

At this moment, Dazai doesn’t want to ruin this, like he’s ruined so many things before. He’s feeling weirdly clingy, and he knows indulging this is a mistake, but right now the attention Dazai is vying for isn’t negative. Most of the time, anything will do. Dazai will take scraps and crumbs of whatever Chibi will throw at him until he’s kicked out.

Today, Dazai doesn’t want to be kicked out. His box is cold, he’s out of bandages, and his skin hurts. Dazai just wants to sit on Chuuya’s couch and enjoy the warmth of a blanket that he doesn't have to have a crisis over.

Dazai just watches, until eventually Chuuya looks back over his shoulder.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

I have officially started a new obsession. Yippie.

I hope you’re not annoyed, but I just can not help myself. Sorry.

Guardian Angel AU. Smth short.

Adam and Lucifer became sort of close. Well, I can’t say they are friends yet, but Lucifer is someone Adam doesn’t mind being around.

They even have a routine where Lucifer brings food to Adam once every week and he takes it, with opening the door and stuff. Progress if you ask Lucifer.

Yet Lucifer has never been in Adam’s house before. He didn’t even see a glimpse of it, Adam keeps it extremely hidden. He only knows it’s messy, what Heaven told him.

Until one day…

Lucifer, on his weekly food bringing: Adam! Are you there?

No answer. He tries multiple times, still no answer.

Lucifer panicks, he does know he’s in there, but he’s afraid if something happened to him, or he did something to himself.

He opens the door with magic and goes in quickly.

What he saw shocks him.

The house is fucking trashed. It’s beyond ‘messy’, Lucifer is shocked that how he lives in somewhere like this. He quietly goes to the kitchen and the sight breaks his heart.

Adam had passed out in there.

His head on the kitchen table with three bottles near him, all empty, and one half-filled bottle of alcohol in his right hand.

Lucifer rushes to him and checks his heartbeat, relieved that he is alive.

He wants so badly to clean his house right there, but Adam would be panicked if he found his house tidy when he woke up. So instead he only takes the bottle on his hands, empties it, and leaves.

He also kissed his forehead but it meant absolutely nothing for him and just was to make sure he slept safe and sound.

I don't mind at all! Hit me with everything you got I'm obsessed now too lol

Awwww poor Adam.

His apartment is in bad shape, trash can overflowed, take out containers everywhere, beer, whiskey, and tequila bottles all around. Adam probably has a small fortune if he took them to be recycled. Pile of dirty clothes, the ones in the closet have price tags. (Instead of washing his clothes, meaning LEAVING HIS APARTMENT to go downstairs, Adam buys new clothes online)

His bed isn't made (Lucifer doesn't dwell on the last time the sheets might have been changed) dust and dirt everywhere. His guitar in the corner even has a thin layer of dust on it.

His fridge is empty and cupboards bare. So the food Lucifer gave him was likely all he was eating.

Dirty dishes in the sink, likey every plate Adam owns.

Adam even cried in his sleep, tears stained his cheeks as he was passed out drunk at his table.

Awww Lucifer placing a totally none romantic kiss on Adams forehead sure Luci

[nykuna]

THE IRONY OF FATE

Chapter 2 : Prey.

pairing : Ryomen Sukuna x fem reader

cw : angst, mention of drugs and alcohol, slow burn, romance

summary : After a long night's work, you've met a man whose name you don't yet know, but the threads of fate seem to be drawing you together.

jjk alternate universe : no jujutsu sorcerers, everyone is human.

The music feels louder than ever, the bass seems to vibrate every organ in your body, the lights flicker and you feel your mind slowly getting intoxicated by the alcohol you've consumed.

Lily's not back yet, she's been gone for a while. Already intoxicated by the alcohol in your veins, you decide it's time to have some fun. You get up, pushing aside the stranger still sitting next to you whom you've been trying hard to ignore, and walk over to the rest of the group who are playing a game of poker it seems.

The table is covered with piles of bills and empty glasses. Around the table, about 5 people are concentrating, but you notice that their eyes are red and slightly hooded, now you wonder how they can bet such large sums of money while under the influence. The rich really do have funny ways of entertaining themselves, and you can't help but judge them silently.

Lost in your thoughts again, you feel a hand come to rest on your waist causing you to shiver in surprise, you hurriedly turn around to find out who it belongs to and stumble backwards in your panic.

"Careful, I know I'm hot but you could still try to keep your balance." Damn, that's a pretty voice. You look up to see who's addressing you. Your gaze is greeted by a piercing green stare. You continue to explore his face as you come to your senses and realize that he's probably a boxer too, given the scar that adorns his lips.

"Sorry, I think I might be a little drunk," you murmur. "But would you mind taking your hand away? As far as I remember, we've never met." You say, holding his gaze.

"I just wanted to get closer to the table to watch the game, I bet quite a bit of money on Naoya. But I have to admit, you're not too bad to look at after all." He says, stepping back. Everything about this man screams red flag, the way he talks, the way he grabs a perfect stranger by the waist or his visible interest in gambling. Yet you can’t deny that he’s extremely attractive. "Im Toji, what’s your name pretty drunk girl i’ve never met before ?" he smirks.

"O-oh sorry," you apologize, shifting away from the table to guarantee him a better view. "My name is-"

Before you can finish introducing yourself to the handsome stranger, the atmosphere that had become so light, becomes heavy and intoxicating again.

Unsurprisingly, you realize that the tattooed man from earlier is now standing next to Toji. How is it that the universe seems to collapse in on itself when he arrives in your space? His crimson red gaze sends a shiver down your spine, and he taps Toji on the shoulder, looking you straight in the eye and smiling sideways as always. Your drunken mind is playing tricks on you again, but you can't help thinking that, his expression mixed with heady music and reddish lights, he looks particularly charismatic, attractive yet disturbing, almost demonic.

"You really ignored me all night to go hit on that guy?" he raises his eyebrow and sits behind you.

"We can understand why, maybe she doesn't like tattoos too much, gotta admit you're scary dude." Toji retorts, still facing you.

They continue to spar but you couldn't care less. At this point, all you can think about is the fact that you're caught between two particularly attractive and imposing men, bickering for your attention. And to be honest, you don't mind in the least.

It's time for you to order a new drink, you can enjoy yourself freely tonight as you look forward to spending the day in bed tomorrow. Completely ignoring the two men, you jostle them to make your way to the stairs.

With every step you take, you realize that you should surely have eaten something before feasting. Each step requires unwavering concentration, and the music pounding in your ears doesn't help you in the least. When you reach the steps, you take a breath to prepare yourself to go down, which in your current state seems almost impossible.

Finally breathing, you open your eyes and look at what's going on downstairs, despite the time, everyone seems to be enjoying their evening, and that's one of the things you love the most about your job, even if it wasn't uncommon to serve jaded or depressed customers at the bar, the dancefloor was always filled with groups of friends laughing out loud, couples seducing each other tenderly in the dim lights, their eyes always brimming with joy, love or envy.

Contemplating the scene, you feel a hand rest on your shoulder, the warmth of that hand against your skin brings you unprecedented comfort, you don't even bother to look at who it belongs to and you feel a breath close to your ear.

"Look, I know I've behaved like shit tonight, but at least let me help you down, you're in no condition." His low voice sounds divine in your ears, you must really have been drunk, but the mix of the touch of his hand, his presence so close enveloping you in his bewitching perfume, his voice so deep and yet surprisingly soft... Fuck, you can't fantasize about a complete stranger, especially not this one.

"I guess I could use the help…What's your name? Might as well introduce ourselves since you can't go 5minutes without me" you straighten up and give him a playful smile. You don't have the strength to fight him anymore, besides, he's far too hot for that.

"Everyone calls me Sukuna, but you, lucky girl, can call me Ryomen" he leans over to put his arm under your shoulder and supports you to make sure you don't collapse down the stairs, his gestures surprisingly gentle and considerate.

"Even though you didn’t ask, my name is y/n" you smile gently.

With that, you've finally arrived downstairs, and you spot Lily sitting at the bar laughing out loud with Suguru, which warms your heart as they seem to be getting along really well.

Ryomen asks you what you'd like to drink as you approach the bar, but you grab him by the arm and pull him towards Lily and Satoru.

He raises an eyebrow at the sudden contact, given that you've been avoiding him all evening, but he's happy to oblige.

"Oh my gosh y/n you're just in time, I was just telling Toru that you made me a cocktail so strong one day that I had to run to the bathroom after just one sip!" Toru huh? The evening seemed fruitful for Lily, more so than for you, that's for sure.

"Fuck yeah, I remember! I've got to say, no one could drink that without flinching..." You laugh with her. "Do you like challenges?" You turn to Ryomen and Satoru with a hint of mischief in your eyes.

"You looked at us? Bring it on, baby." Ryomen says as she sits down next to Satoru and Lily.

You call Shoko with a wave of your hand, and when she arrives at your level, you ask her if you can go behind the bar to prepare your « drink ».

"Oh my God, you're going to do it again..." she sighs with a smile, then opens the door for you to pass through.

Determined to make them regret the bet, you get out shot glasses and start mixing all the strongest alcohols you have on hand. Your condition no doubt makes the drink even more undrinkable than before, but you couldn't care less this was your way of getting back at Ryomen.

~

10AM, you're woken by the sounds of Lily, who has somehow found the strength to get ready for school despite last night's hectic pace. As you get up, a terrible headache takes hold of you, and you start to regret having partied so hard yesterday, especially as you have no memory of what happened after the cursed shot.

The sun shines brightly through your window and you hasten to close the curtain to avoid aggravating the dull pain in your skull. You finally decide to go to the kitchen to take some medicine and lots and lots of water.

Lily is already in the kitchen preparing her lunch.

"Damn y/n, you really look like shit today!" she laughs happily, you shoo her away and hastily ask her what happened at the end of the night.

"Honestly, I have no memory of it either, I just know we took the horrible shots too, so no wonder we don't remember a thing!" She finishes wrapping up her meal "Toru texted me that he'd ordered us an uber so we could get home safely."

"What a gentleman, you'll have to tell me all about it when you get home tonight!" you chirp before greeting her as she heads for the entrance to exit.

~

After a hot shower and several liters of water, you decide to go back to bed and enjoy your day off.

One thing's for sure: your brain isn't resting. Your thoughts can't help but revolve around him, Ryomen.

Everything about him intrigues you; if only you'd had less to drink yesterday, you'd know more about him. Now all you can do is imagine. But you do remember that he seemed to be friends with Satoru... maybe he was a famous athlete as well? Without further ado, you grab your phone to look up his name and hopefully some information about him, knowing that you won't be able to sleep until your curiosity is satisfied anyway.

When you unlock your phone, a notification catches your eye: an unknown number has sent you a picture, and you click on the mysterious message with a bit of anxiety, considering it was very unusual.

The photo is a picture of you taking a mysterious shot with Shoko and Lily...That bad huh? You can't help smiling, you look really silly, but you send it to Shoko to have a laugh with her.

When it's done, you go back to the unknown conversation and write a message, because deep down, you knew very well that only one very specific person could send you an unflattering photo without even introducing themselves.

[y/n] : Let me guess…

No less than 30 seconds later, you get a reply.

[Unknown]: Were you waiting for my text ?

[y/n]: Not rlly tbh :// How did you get my number anyway?

[Unknown]: I honestly don't even know anymore.

[y/n]: Wtv, you can delete it, yesterday night was fun but don't expect more.

[Unknown] : Come on i know you were thinking abt me all day long.

Of course you did, but you couldn't let it go any further, you still weren't mentally ready to commit to a relationship of any kind. Besides, everything about Ryomen screamed danger, from his profession to his looks to his behavior, you'd had enough with men like him.

[Unknown] : Wanna come over ? :)

Straightforward, isn’t he ? You know you shouldn't answer, but despite yourself, you feel this sensation in the pit of your stomach, begging for more. After him, you'd never spoken to the same man for more than one evening, choosing to protect yourself from all the dangers that come with feelings and relationships.

[y/n] : hell no, i was drunk last night, i must’ve confused you for a good guy :) wtv gotta go.

[Unknown] : Ah well we’ll see abt that :)

The fuck does he mean "we’ll see about that?" He's upset you again, but maybe that's a good thing, maybe now you'll finally be able to enjoy your day without having your thoughts polluted by him.

Despite all the good will in the world, you can't help but save his contact, "just in case".

~

After this brief conversation, your unfortunate fears about your own mind proved legitimate.

Even though you only spoke for 5 minutes, and not to say much of anything interesting, this little game of seduction had already gone to your head. Sure, it's a dangerous game, but you can't lie, feeling "wanted" again was particularly pleasurable. You knew that if you got back in touch with him, someone would end up getting hurt, because it seemed like fate was mocking you and had a nasty tendency to ruin all your relationships.

It was a mistake, and a big one. You should never have drunk yesterday, or even accepted his advances. It was a mistake you were paying for today by reminiscing about all your past mistakes, as painful as they were. All this without even having engaged anything with Ryomen, so you can't imagine the catastrophe if you decided to ignore the curse hanging over your head and follow your instincts.

No, you should protect yourself, you have to protect yourself, you can't afford another tragedy, you don't have the shoulders for it.

If you run away, you’ll never know.

More updates on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/56234707/chapters/142859620

Nyc <3