#because my life is kinda falling apart at the moment. and i dont have the time to be heart broken yef

[savannahsdeath]

heyyy could u write something where like reader is about to shower but starts to get really insecure and kinda has a breakdown, BUT ellie reassures her. (pls also give reader stretch marks bc i've been so insecure abt mine lately and i have them literally everywhere. thighs, hips, even on my boobs lol) <3

ELLIE WILLIAMS X INSECURE!READER

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! but tbh its minors safe this time i think ??

writers note: just a reminder youre all beautiful no matter what!! beauty standards or wtv was it called are something we shouldnt base our life on but we sadly do. self love is the key to happiness and dont let other people ruin it!!🩷🩷and to our lovely anon, you dont need to worry about stretch marks. trust me, most of people dont even pay attention to them! its nothing 'special in a bad way'. i lately got some too, right before my holidays and theyre sooo visible through my summer clothes but its something you can get used to be comfortable with. please, anon, dont think less of yourself because of them nor any other insecurities. and this comes to everyone!!💞

it was already late so you were getting ready to take a shower to not waste any more time. you put your clothes on a nearby shelf. you stood in front of the mirror in your underwear only, looking for anything that could be possibly pointed out, like you didn't have enough insecurities already. feeling rather self-conscious, you were examining your reflection for any flaws or imperfections. every detail of your body was being inspected up-close, from the lines on your stomach, to the size of your thighs, to the shape of your shoulders and face. your eyes were scanning every inch of you, seeking any signs of something you could hate, even if others wouldn't notice them. you couldn't help but wonder if the things you were stressing over were even worth worrying about, or if you were just creating problems where they didn't exist.

either way, you couldn't help but hate them. and since you mostly focused on bad things and you didn't see your advantages - you hated yourself. in your eyes your whole body could change. or even should change.

the more you stared at yourself in the mirror, picking apart every little thing, the more you hated what you saw. it felt like nothing was good enough, like every little imperfection needed to be changed or worked on. you felt like you could never measure up to this impossible standard, like your entire body was inadequate. the insecurities were eating away at you, gnawing away until any confidence or self-love you might've had was gone.

that was the moment your eyes beginned to get glossy. you didn't cry though, oh, no. you hated the way you look when you cry, just like everything else, so you tried your best to hold back tears. the floodgates were beginning to open, but you held them back with everything you had. you despised the way you looked when you cried: the tears down your cheeks, your puffy eyes, all those disgusting, revolting imperfections. as much as you hated your flaws, you despised your crying face even more. you would never let anyone see you like that, never.

suddenly, your girlfriend and roommate in one, knocked on the door. "everything okay in there?"

she must notice you're taking your time instead of simply taking a shower already.

you stayed silent, knowing if you try to open your mouth you couldn't control what comes from them. you'd probably break down and the thick door won't be enough to mute your pathetic sobs.

you didn't want to answer, but then again, you knew if you stayed quiet, your girlfriend would eventually come in and check on you. you had to keep yourself together. you couldn't fall apart right in front of her like that.

you let out a shaky breath and replied, "yeah, everything's fine." you could feel your voice cracking with each word, but you were determined not to let her see you in such a sorry state.

what if she sees me the way i see myself?

your girlfriend wasn't fooled by your shaky reply. even if you denied it, she knew something was wrong. she heard the emotion in your voice and could sense the struggle to keep yourself together. without another word, she opened the door and walked in.

"what's wrong, pretty girl?" she asked when she didn't saw your glossy eyes yet.

you, on the other hand, couldn't control yourself anymore. the nickname 'pretty girl' hit you instantly, thinking you're anything but pretty.

pretty.

girl.

those two words hit you harder than a punch to the gut, evoking a strong reaction that you tried to mask. you took a deep breath to steady your voice so that you didn't break, but it was impossible to sound completely calm when you felt so much pain just from those two words.

"nothing." you muttered quietly, but your voice sounded more like a choke than a word.

she hugged you from behind, looking in the same, unlucky mirror. her hands softly touched the scretch marks on your hips as she hold onto them, gently rocking you back and forth.

you wanted nothing more than to reject this hug and flee from your own reflection in the mirror, but you were too weak to pull away.

"nothing?" she asked gently, planting little kisses from your neck to shoulders.

you felt a wave of shame and embarrassment wash over you as your girlfriend's touch revealed the marks on your hips. she immediately spotted them and caressed them with her soft hands.

it all felt too much. you were fighting so hard to hold yourself together, but when she touched you, it all came crashing down. the tears finally escaped and you began to sob, clinging onto her tightly as you broke down. "no... not nothing..."

she held you close, feeling your warmth as her arms wrapped around you and her hands comforted your pain. she rubbed your back and kissed your neck as she tried to soothe you. "shh, come here, it's okay..." she whispered gently.

she led you over to the bed and laid you down. she carefully took off her shirt, leaving on only her bra and boxers, then laid down with you, hugging you tightly. she kissed your neck, your face, brushed your hair back, caressed your body, your stretch marks, your insecurities (at least the ones she knew about), anything to try and comfort you. she whispered words of reassurance and love as she tried to fill you with the affection you felt you lacked. "i love you, my pretty girl... i love you." she repeated those words again and again, hoping you'd believe that someone could love you, and that someone was her.

ellie continued to hold you tightly as you cried into her. your tears soaked into her bra, but she didn't mind; you'd done that many times before. she rubbed your back in soothing circles as she let you let it all out, and she made small shushing noises in your ear. your sobs turned into whimpers and then into a soft murmur, and as your emotions died down, she gently wiped away the tears, replacing them with kisses.

as she noticed you calmed down she slightly pulled away to get a better look at you. "can you tell me what's wrong now?"

"i... it's just..." you started, and your voice broke as you tried to find the words. your girlfriend gave you her undivided attention, focusing on you and only you. "i- i don't feel pretty... i don't feel good enough... i don't feel... enough."

with her eyes looking deep into yours, you couldn't help but be vulnerable as you opened up to her. your insecurities and flaws, the things you tried so hard to hide, were all laid bare in front of her now.

a pang of guilt hit you in that moment.

what am i doing?

ellie was so sweet and loving, and you felt like you were just taking advantage of her kindness. like you're just an attention seeker.

but before you could say anything, she pressed a finger to your lips.

"no. shut your mouth." she said sternly, and you couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "that's not true. i don't wanna hear it, not another word." she leaned in and pressed her soft lips to yours.

you found yourself sitting on her lap, as she stroked your hair, whispering something or kissing you from time to time. you told her all about it, about what and how you feel. and she listened.

you were so lost in your emotional story you didn't even notice the way she slowly took off her rings - one by one, and placed them on a bedside shelf.

[princessbrunette]

ok, so i’m having a thought rn. bear with me please, my writing sucks :(

kinda spitballing but i can’t help but imagining what it would be like for reader the first time she meets JJ’s dad. like, obv he’d never willing introduce them. but i kinda like to think maybe Luke would show up to their shared apartment (thinking JJ lived their alone) and is so surprised when he sees reader. like “who the hell is this??”

and ofc JJ would be so protective and shielding the reader from Luke like “don’t talk to her” or whatever. idk, what’s your take on this?? <3

(also, i love your writing so much and if it’s not taken, can I be 🪐 anon?)

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he had no idea who you were, but you knew him.

the man who’s made jj’s life hell, leaving him bruised and broken from years on end until he could finally free himself of the curse that was luke. you’d happily opened the door to your shared apartment, smile dropping as soon as you were confronted with the man. even your blood ran cold.

“the fuck are you?” he frowns, swaying a little— clearly drunk.

“i think you may have the wrong address, sorry…” you lie, going to close the door— hoping it was enough to rid of him but he slams a clammy hand against it, holding it open.

“wait, nah — you got a jj maybank here?”

jj had heard his fathers voice, it was a voice he could recognise anywhere and froze in place in the kitchen — momentarily immobilised. what quickly got him moving, was the thought of you having to deal with him, and the blonde quickly arrived beside you, placing a hand on your waist to gently but firmly pull you behind him. luke’s eyes followed the movement, piecing together the fact you were a couple.

“what the hell are you doin’ here?” jj clenches his jaw, holding it high as he looks down his nose at the man who hadn’t changed in years if you minus a few extra grey hairs.

“that any way to greet your old man? what, not g’nna invite me in?” he grins a yellowed smile and you cringe, shrinking back behind jj when the man ogles you for a reaction. jj stands even taller upon seeing this.

“how’d you find my place, pops?” jj stares down at the man’s soaked tank top, the smell of liquor radiating from it fuelled by body heat.

“asked around. this place ain’t so big, you know. anywho, i need a place to stay. just for a few days whilst i get my shit together, crashed the old boat — need to spend some time on land gettin’ a new one. i got a guy comin’ up to see me tomorrow who’s gonna help me with—”

“dad, you can’t stay here.” jj cuts him off, and for a moment you see that same scared little boy inside him, a look of fear flashing across his face. he presses his lips together as his father squints at him.

“and why the hell not? you think you’re fancy now huh—” he starts to raise his voice, but jj cuts him off once more.

“because this is my place. with my girl, and my life. you think you can just show up here after years and treat me like i’m some hotel? nah.” he scoffs out a laugh, shaking his head. “i helped you out for the last time on that dock when you left and i told myself never again, dad. i meant it. leave… now.”

luke shakes his head in disbelief, laughing at the boy in a way clearly meant to belittle him. soon, his drunken gaze finds you once more.

“and what about you doll? hell i might be your father in law one day, will benefit you to be nice to me.” he smiles at you, taking a step closer but jj shoves him back so suddenly he stumbles and falls onto his ass.

“dont talk to her. dont come near her, dont even look at her. get the hell off my property, dad. i mean it.” jj barks, doubling down as he stares down the weak alcoholic on the ground. the old man sniffs, ungraciously picking himself up after a minute, sizing up the blonde.

“‘think i won’t beat your ass like i used to just ‘cos your little girlfriends here?”

your hand finds jj’s arm, stroking the back of it soothingly as if trying to ground him from that traumatic memory. he stares his father down with nothing but disgust.

“go ahead, pops. i’ll just let the cops know where you’re at. would be a real shame to see you back in the clink.”

knowing he’s lost, luke finally leaves and jj stares off at him until he’s certain he’s out of sight and gone for good. exhaling shakily, he shuts the door softly, leaning against it.

“jayj.” you speak softly and he shakes his head, dismissing you with a watery smile and a hand.

“nah i’m good. showed him who’s boss, huh?” he chuckles, but accidentally lets a tear slip down his cheek. before he gets the chance to wipe it, you throw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck, listening to him sniffle a little against you.

“you did good jayj. did so good.”

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[mrs-monaghan]

You said jungkook saying his most memorable moment of Christmas is him having snow fight with taehyung Cannot scream more bro than this how?? Like it's a good memory what's bro thing in that?

You mean apart from the fact that they're bros? Well, have u ever watched this video?

JK was having the time of his life terrorising the members. Mostly Jin because of course its Jin he would bully the most 🤣🤣🤣

JK loves the snow, Jimin more than JK but JK loves snow too. And he loves spending time with V. Why would them throwing snow at each other not be a good time? Why wouldn't it be memorable?

You're a tkkr so I'm assuming you've seen tkk playing right? It tends to get kinda rough. Which is a clear contrast to when Jikook play. So if you know members, like actually know the members, then the image of Tkk in the snow together is not them falling ontop of each other and hugging and kissing. That's... no. That just happens in fanfiction. Them 2 in the snow, I'm picturing that video and I'm picturing it brutal and competitive. Like bros do.

Do you remember when JK was spinning V?

Do you remember V saying he wasn't feeling well and for JK to stop?

Do you remember how JK refused to stop and instead started spinning faster till V had to scream at him to stop?

And JK still didn't stop? 😂😂😂

Now do you remember when JK was spinning Jimin?

Jimin only had to say JK's name twice

And JK let him off

You don't believe me? Watch for yourself. Jimin's part lasts 10 seconds while V.... oh, poor V 😂😂 even Namjin dont get the cruel V treatment. See for yourself

So for me, anon yes, Tkk in the snow is a bro moment. A real fan would know this. But listen, idk why you're keeping tabs on my blog seeing as I never tag V or your ship, but I assure you, I'm not trying to take this moment away from you. It IS a moment, it is. And it was memorable to JK. Facts. And that's great and I love that for you. But you and I both know it doesn't hold a candle to the Tokyo trip, right? We know that all Jikook moments will always be superior, right? I know, and you know. You all know. Thats why your people are losing their minds on twitter.

I'm sorry you're going through it (I'm not) but you're the ones to blame for backing the wrong horse. Sorry not even a little bit sorry.

[haethyre]

Chaos Theory Thoughts

Well, I just binged the entire thing. I had so many thoughts episode to episode but wanted to wait till the end to compile my thoughts.

MAN Some decisions were certainly made huh????

I was almost overwhelmed by all the drama jkfhajksdhf I was initially very upset about what happened with Yaz and Sammy, but seeing the way it resolved was really sweet and I think made them stronger. and they had so many cute kisses and moments jhdfjdshj I was just upset not to see them together for like half the season.

I was upset Camp Fam kinda split up over the years. Which, i mean, i get. Life happens. its realistic. but its also a bit like "you know what? *unhappies your ending*" But again, seeing people grow apart and then come back together is a nice trope so I'll allow it. XD If they didnt reconcile I'd have more of a problem.

I did have a problem with Darius randomly being in love with Brooklyn tho. I mean, I get it. Time skip. We didn't really see what happened that led him to that place. And he was a kid in Camp Cretaceous so he may not have been attuned to such things yet. But it took me off guard (i guess its also cause i could swear i read an article or something shortly after CC ended about him possibly being ace. not saying that means he cant fall in love. And honestly, it would make sense considering, to me, they made a lot more sense to me than Kenji and her...but idk. I guess I just didn't expect it?) but I have no real attachment to either ship so whatever happens happens I guess. XD I just dont think he needed to be in love with her to be messed up about what happened to her. He got in a similar way over when he thought Ben died. (speaking of which, I looooved Darius and Ben's interactions this season)

Also. I knew she couldn't be dead. It threw me through a loop when they said she died. i was like "They killed off Brooklyn?????? sheee's not deaaaad." I had a feeling she was gonna show up at the very end. and she did! Gosh. things are gonna be soooo awkward when they reunite XD Aaaaaa

But yeah, I always doubt death scenes when you dont see them die XD

also BUMPY. AND BABY. So cute. I love Bumpy. I'm glad she's okay. jhfgjsd Ben and Bumpy always make me emotional. when he cried i was like nooooooo ;w; babyyyyyy

The animation looked amazing throughout. Have to fit that in somewhere.

I'll admit I was surprised because I thought this was just going to be a one off. But it looks like there'll be another season so I'm excited. I'll have something to look forward to.

All in all, some questionable things aside, I thought it was a good season and left me wanting to see where it goes. I was missing all these characters when CC ended, so I'm happy to see them again in any capacity.

[songbirdblues]

theres much to be said about the woobification of tim drake as a character entirely in fanon, but one thing in particular that tends to irk me is the misinterpretation of this scene.

now, i generally dont have a problem with fanon interprets of events like this!!! in fact, im an avid fanfic reader and i can honestly say i dont mind when comic events get squashed or stretched out of proportion. people want angst and fluff, and hurt and comfort, and i can respect that a lot of dc fans get their info from fanon and dont bother/simply dont want to read comics because they lack those feel-good moments/that emotional depth that fanfics have. thats fine, thats none of my business, and thats perfectly valid!

...but i think it does get to a point where a comic is SO misinterpreted, like this one (or just this series in general, really), that it loses all that makes it good and interesting in the first place.

dick isn't a bad guy here. whether you think what he said was warranted or not, or if you think him saying that he thinks tim should seek help is insensitive or wrong, he's not some evil abusive guy who hates tim (tim literally calls him his brother in the scene???? in a positive context??)

i just see a lot of people think dick is some terrible villain for this event (and for the "firing and replacing tim just so damian can be robin for no reason" thing which is also a misinterpretation of what happened, but thats something else). when in reality dick himself is already struggling to keep his family from falling apart even more than it already has, has been forced to become batman, and has to raise this random, murderous kid that just popped into his life (i love damian but bro was giving dick gray hairs in his twenties in the beginning lol), all while dealing with the loss of his father for the second time in his life. on top of this, to him, his 16 year old brother is off doing god knows what across europe going on a wild goose chase looking for their (presumably) dead father and doesnt know what to do about it.

but despite all that, in tims eyes, dick massively messed up. we know he thinks this by what he says in the comic.

which leads me to my last point; tims own thoughts. this is a bit more of my opinion on tims character rather than objective fact so bear with me. tims internal monologue and emotional journey across red robin are why i think this series is so heavily (sorry to keep using this word) misinterpreted by fanon.

throughout the course of the story, tim is being forced to suffer with a grief that that he doesnt know how to deal with. like dick, this is the second father tim has lost. but the difference between them is that when tim experiences loss he... doesnt really know how to deal with it, like at all. he goes crazy when he loses someone close to him. at least dick can kinda sorta keep it together. after jack died and bruce tried to adopt him, tim literally hired a man to pretend to be his uncle to avoid it. when kon died, he tried to clone him 99 whole times with old luthor tech, (and later when damian died, tim hallucinated hugging him, or at the very least pretended to, which while a lot tamer than these other instances i still think it speaks to how deeply he feels these losses and how badly he handles it). i dont know the specifics of how he acted about other people hes lost like bart, stephanie, and his mom, but tim even says himself that part of the reason why he's doing all this is because of how many people he's lost, so it can be assumed he reacted harshly to their passing, too.

tim also admits, multiple times throughout red robin, that he knows he sounds/acts crazy, he admits that he goes farther than he ever went as robin when dealing with criminals and cases because as red robin he's now "tainted" and agrees with connor in a later issue that "red robin" is his punishment for himself.

so what i mean by all this is that, simply put, tim is an unreliable narrator. of course we as the readers feel angry at dick and cassie, tim himself is angry at them. he feels hurt and betrayed, and it could even be assumed at that point that he feels they abandoned him, and he thinks that they think hes crazy. he isolates himself from everyone, he feels unworthy of everything, and he "knows" hes lost it. "except for everything, im perfectly fine." is a quote he says, and there are plenty more like it in the series.

my point is that in tims eyes for the majority of his character arc as red robin, nearly everyone hes ever loved has either died or abandoned him, but as the audience we know thats not the case. cassie loves him, dick of course loves him, they just both made mistakes and hurt him, but that doesnt make either of them irredeemable or mean that they dont care about tim. tim himself, in that moment, just doesnt believe that, or doesnt even seem to consider that. he sees the bad, and blinded by his own grief and anger, doesnt see the good.

i just think a lot of people miss that, and just write dick off as borderline abusive or purposefully hurtful in red robin fanfics, because comics tend to get telephoned so much in the fandom that thats what people see him as, when it's not the case, which is how we got the "dick threatens to send tim to arkham" thing. (but thats just gonna happen i guess. did you know that in the actual jasons attack on titans tower comic jason wears his robin costume?? yeesh i'll have to stick with fanon on their interpretation of that whole thing. see its not bad all the time)

besides the idea of the whole arkham trope thing, theres still plenty of canon angst to pull from in red robin! you can write about how tim thinks hes losing it, ra's weird infatuation with tim and everything that comes with that, tim being forced to deal with losing robin, tims rocky relationship with tam fox, tims super rocky relationship with damian, any interaction between kon and tim, OH. the fact that at one point tim got kicked out of a tall building and accepted his death (only thinking about how bruce would be proud), only to be saved by dick last minute and then lying about knowing dick would save him (yeah right buddy) ((its issue #12)). theres also the idea of bruce and tim talking after tim finds him (canon bruce hug!!!). and theres more im forgetting for sure. all that to say theres plenty of ideas already there for the taking!!!!! red robin is a great comic filled with plenty of emotional moments.

moral of the story, dick isn't a terrible person, tim needs help but he isn't a little baby incapable of doing anything, and i believe writing them differently in the context of red robin (2009) is a disservice to their characters and their relationships with each other in the actual comic.

...but i mean, im not your dad. write what you want

[gibbearish]

it is with a heavy heart that i must announce. the five nights at freddy's movie was really good

sorry for how much of a behemoth this post is im fnaf autism just bear with me also i can't keep my thoughts straight for the life of me so this will be a bumpy ride. as an additional note i got very lucky and had literally 0 spoilers whatsoever for this movie, i haven't even seen the trailer

so first of all: i thought all the changes they made to the plot to make it work for a movie were good decisions, altho some of them did take a minute to actually feel like good changes lmao. once i thought about em a bit more though they made sense.

one of the things i really liked was that they also did include a lot of the things i wanted them to, or more specifically things that you're like "you literally can't have a fnaf movie without these, it just wouldn't be right", like we got mike schmidt, we got fucking VANESSA??? altho she might be in the trailer so that might not be the same reveal for yall as it was for me but still. they heavily alluded to vanny? (altho that's a part i'm kinda sad abt is they didn't /actually/ include vanny, vanessa just makes an offhand comment about how she "wouldn't be much help" if she was around afton and then. comes to help anyways and doesnt have any issues? lame they shouldve had him hypnotise her and then she fought her way out to help mike and abby. or alternatively they couldve used the family restructuring to make vanny be a result of afton giving vanessa osdd-2, like thats kinda functionally what he does with the mask anyways but this would make it more obvious).

also swinging back to changes they made that i liked!! VANESSA AFTON?? like this is the one that took me a while to get used to bc it feels like such a cliche from an outside perspective but it also kind of Super Isn't considering what the original plot is? like all the family restructuring they did makes pretty good sense to me, i do think it loses a bit of the weight having michael be Just Some Guy Whose Brother Happened To Be Kidnapped By Afton Forever Ago and now coincidentally has this weird guy offering him a job as a night guard, but also the og lore. absolutely would not fit into a movie lmao. so i like that they kept the characters everyone wanted around while also rearranging it to keep the spirit of "learning about all of this for the first time through the eyes of a security guard" you get from playing the games. it's fun for people who don't know the lore because it's easy to follow and it's fun for people who /do/ know the lore because they can pull apart all the differences.

oh right back to things they included that i wanted them to. we gotttt chica's cupcake murdering people, we got FUCKING MATPAT? SAYING THE ITS JUST A THEORY LINE? SOUNDING THRILLED OFF HIS ASS TO BE THERE??? i dont like the man and his opinions vis a vis addressing nonbinary characters but. goddamn was that a funny cameo. why couldnt you include markiplier too you fucking cowards. who said that. anyways. oh we kind of tangentially have a canon name for crying child? aka garrett? like idk this one could go either way because like. yeah he's mike's younger brother that died tragically and scarred him for life, makes sense that theyd be the same character in function but also it is technically a different family so who knows.

umm what else. oh this doesnt rlly fall into either category i just really liked it, the intro sequence for all the animatronics? showing what they can /really/ do with the breaking and entering dudes?? that was such a cool sequence i really liked the whole thing honestly. chica being introduced in the kitchen and the dude finding the cupcake then looking back and it's gone? bonnie in the supply closet? foxysprint??? AND FREDDY!! THE BITE!!! in case anyones reading this before watching the movie so they know what to expect: youll know when this moment is coming and if youre watching it at home with friends i HIGHLY recommend having the "was that the bite of 87" clip ready to play right after, they WILL lose their shit. i had it queued up from the very beginning of the movie cause i was like. they can't not include it /somehow/, it's the fnaf movie there has to be A Bite. and sure enough. oh also it's not at the same time but the golden freddy reveal is really good too, they did a good job of setting it up so even if youre already aware of golden freddy conceptually you still go "oh freddy's here? i mean i guess that makes sense he's the leader and all. or wait what happened to his eye why's he only got one? oh. oh i see. ohohohohohohohoho" 100/10. also very funny that they just straight up. MURDER THE AUNT? AND SHE NEVER GETS MENTIONED AGAIN SHE JUST IS DEAD??? the kid isnt like. hey what happened to aunt jane?? i get none of them liked her and with good reason but youd think at least one of em would be like "damn she sucked but she didnt deserve that, rip jane"

oh and the springlocks of course the springlocks. like as soon as we saw aftons name in the cast list we all knew he was gonna get springlocked, it's such a cherished memory for so many of us and there's no way in hell The Fnaf Movie™ wouldnt include afton getting springlocked, they just legally can't leave that out. and they do it pretty well too like yeah if you know what's gonna happen you can see it coming way ahead of time and it's kind of a slow crawl to get there but like. idk i think it still works pretty well. i don't personally like how long the actual springlocking itself took, i think they couldve milked that a little bit less cause i was under the impression that if one springlock failed they All Would Instantaneously And Your Flesh Body Will Become Occupied By A Full Endoskeleton. but no we just get very slow rib beartrap. w/e though still cool and again the leadup to it was really good even knowing exactly how it would end, like just the really slow shuffling of the animatronics towards him? like yeah it's slow and kinda tedious but its also like. theres literally nothing you can do, youre surrounded and defenseless and theyre infinitely faster and stronger than you and now they remember that you killed them. and you just have to sit there and watch them slowly slowly get closer all while trying to talk your way out of it knowing youre fucked. 10/10 they did that part well

oh and that also falls under changes i liked, i liked that instead of "afton tries to escape intangible ghosts by getting into old decrepit suit which then fails and kills him" it was "afton was already in the suit to do murders in and has brainwashed the bots to follow him" wait omg point postponed i just realized that part is from security breach. i thought vanessa was the only thing they brought over from that i didnt even notice that they werent doing the theyre-attacking-all-adults-indiscriminately thing goddamn. omg wait and the fact that the restaurants already closed in this one, it really is just a blend of all the games huh. scott do you see how much more coherent your plot couldve been if there wasnt So much going on. anyways. back to what i was saying. instead of "afton tries to escape intangible ghosts by getting into old decrepit suit which then fails and kills him" it was "afton was already in the suit to do murders in and brainwashed the ghosts into thinking he was their friend so they would help him do murders while possessing the robots. then they get their memories back and the robots turn on him and.. i think deliberately? set off the springlocks, or were just aiming to regular kill him and the springlocks failing was a happy accident? then the robots drag him away as they keep slowly one by one collapsing into him", like the first one made a lot of sense for the game and the timeline and the second one just feels right for this too. it's still his hubris that kills him, still his springlocks, it's just in one version the hubris is "trusting his springlock design to still work after however many years" and in the other its "thinking he has conplete control over the ghosts he killed", plus the ghosts finally get a bit more direct participation in his death than in the other version lol.

one change i did not like. forced het romance. like i dunno i guess im happy for them, both of those characters have certainly earned happy endings by this point so its nice they can get something cutesy. but also. like cmon man it's vanessa and mike do we have to do this she just got stabbed stop holding her hand

oh also this change wasnt really good or bad i just thought it was funny, vanessas a full on cop now? like i get they prolly just dont wanna have two security guards or something but i mean. it wouldve been really easy to just say she was the day shift guard? thatd explain why she had more information on the bots and the place's history than him, why she's always Around, it wouldve even flowed into the vanessa afton reveal pretty well too because like. yeah obviously a guy doing murders would want his main security guard to be someone he trusts and who better than his theoretically brainwashed daughter yknow? as it was she just kinda Showed Up Knowing Stuff And Ignoring Questions and later afton's like "you were supposed to be keeping an eye on him" but like of course Mike was getting dodgy about the weirdo cop loitering nearby for no reason, thats sus as hell lmao. vs "experienced security guard here to show you the ropes" he would have a much easier time trusting that she actually did have his best interests at heart. idk it just seemed like a weird change to me lmao

ummm oh my roommate pointed out the fact that when they tried to springlock abby the suit they were aiming for looked suspiciously like circus baby and abby and baby are anagrams so thats fun. it's hard to tell though if shes intended to be a rework of elizabeth or if vanessa's filling that role now. cause like on the one hand, michael's younger sister whose name is v close to baby, on the other hand, vanessa is afton's daughter. so idk i feel like it could go either way. if abby's elizabeth i guess that negates the thing about garret maybe being crying child's name bc then theyd prolly just be keeping mike's name the same. w/e

oh my god i completely forgot when i was talking about changes to the afton springlock thing, they had him deliberately put his mask on after the other springlocks started releasing and say the "i always come back" line, i thought that was an excellent touch. like he's actively dying a horrific death and is like. no no. im not leaving this bot. this shit is going to suck ass no matter what so i might as well do all i can to ENSURE my soul gets locked in this fuckin thing, go on stab me in the brain lets do this. i will however also say that having him say "i always come back"... before he's even come back the first time? is a little bit weird, i know thats another one of the "we have to include this in the fnaf movie" things so im not mad but just in the moment it def flows a bit weird. like mf you don't even have one example of that yet much less several to be saying "always" about

OH AND THE BIGGEST ONE. THE ANIMATRONICS. theyre so good. like im so glad they went all in on that, i think they probably knew that if there was one single thing they had to get absolutely 100% right to avoid a fan uprising it was those and by god did they deliver, theyre so big and so unsettling and so fun. chica's wink at abby was the best part of the movie no questions asked. or alternatively bonnie falling over after they built the fort. like theyre all just so good. OH MY GOD OR IN CHICA'S INTRODUCTION SEQUENCE WHERE YOU CAN SEE HER JUST. SCOOTING BY THROUGH THE VENT?? THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING OF ALL TIME HELLO???

god. but yeah i was honestly expecting it to be a lot worse than it was. also this mike is a bad brother/dad figure. but i guess in the games he also kind of is the pinnacle of bad brother so i mean it couldve been a lot worse. theres definitely some rough parts, i mightve mentioned this already but i felt like a few of the dramatic pause things were a bit too drawn out, like i said the springlocks locking is one good example of that but another that i REALLY found slow was like. in the opening we watch a guy get turbomurdered by the swirly blade mask and it takes. way longer than i feel like was necessary. also unnecessary: a jumpcut a second from scared eyes to swirly blades to hands fumbling and repeating during that. oh another thing that was weird to me, why was mike so insistent on sleeping specifically at night? to the point of deliberately sleeping on the job? like i get he wanted to revisit the kidnapping dream but like. presumably he could dream just as well during the day, no? done his night shift then once it was up rolled out a sleeping bag for a quick powernap before heading home? idk that just felt. forced to me

more random things, i am sad we didnt get a whiff of henry emily (my fringe theory was that their twist to change it from the games was they were gonna make henry be evil, rip to that idea) or the puppet/charlie, and kinda sad they changed the kid possessing golden freddy to be a boy like. we love cassidy and her Undying Rage Towards Afton's Soul smh why would you get rid of her. also loved balloon boy, kinda wish mangle had gotten like a similar level appearance but thats w/e. oh also while i did appreciate the low gore level there were also a few times where it was a bit weird how minor the injuries the dead people had were. like this man just had his face put in a blender mask and he just has like. some forehead gashes or whatever? he should look like someone stirred up jello

anyways with that gross thought i think i am out of things to say about the movie for now. if anyone else watched it already and somehow read all of this blease tell me your thoughts

[p-pamda]

2023 I start, 2024 slowly, but steady, hopefully.🐌 (long)

Muy buenas, im not sure how these year's reviews are done but I wanted to give it a go. I'll try to make it brief at least.

This year's been pretty big for a lot of reasons. Mostly personal reasons, but ill start with art cause the personal ones are moppy and bland as a sponge and we're here for art huehue >:')!!!

I did talksprites for Maples Maid Service! Its a very cute cozy game i was very fortunate to lend a hand on. Peti and Bleak-Creep did and are still doing an amazing job with it. Always updating. Did you know that you can play it now on CoolMathGames? I thought that was cool

I did Manon's talksprites for Loveweb (i love loveweb and doing talksprites hehe) I loved the series since the beginning so i was pretty happy when knowing i was able to help @shadokwastaken a little, since this 2 part video was a lot of work!

Check all Loveweb!

I did my first long comic (dont check it! its messy to understand and im embarrased, im proud of finishing it tho!)

I learned a lot, and i hope i can still make comics.

Apart from these... I honestly haven't done something real GRAND or MIRACULOUS this year related to art.

i promised myself to draw for myself and draw what i want at the moment, or what makes me happy. So I've been drawing a lot of my characters or comics only for meee, or practicing anatomy-skulls, or gifts for people.

Im gonna keep it that way, thanks a lot for the people who hangs in there with me even if i do this. BUT IM SORRY!!! ill make something cool one day.

I'm focusing on working on comic stuff, i wanna do my own one day. And a year resolution i have its to finish this year the history things to start this year or the next one. I hope everyone is still here to walk with me that bumpy road haha

And the sponge stuff

I'm not going to get much into it, but this year I started being like, a normal person my age. I mean. I'm still not fully there. and still have a long road there. But I've done some stuff I was terrified all my life of because of -things-

I got my first job, and I had to interact with people. Now a 1 year one with coworkers even. And they laugh with me and treat me nicely, even if im just being awkward. Its pretty mindblowing and still can't believe it sometimes.

Its kinda embarrassing, but it gives me a little hope that i can be out there and it'll be ok. And that i can be me and people will tolerate it.

I've been trapped scared, so much that i haven't been living at all. I got to one of those, things when people invite you to go somewhere? just because? ive never done that! i hate going outside but it was so cool aaa we went to watch a movie!!! i still have the tickets!!!

Maybe its because i haven't done anything never, and im really, not the brightest. But ive learned a lot this year. Ive been feeling very hopeful and happy.

Hope you all have a smooth new year. Wishing the best

Lets keep walking, Slowly but steady 🐌

Thanks for reading and for everything 💚

[abstract-crossverse]

Hi it's me, a Jeb enjoyer. Can I request Jeb reacting to finding his s/o after the fall of Nexus city? Like it's years later and he's given up hope but they just pop up in one of the buildings killing agents and shiz, maybe he's meeting with Doc and his s/o is there? Thank you :))

Hello Jeb enjoyer, Im Phobos enjoyer- *gets shot*

Im so sorry this took so long hdbsns

=================================

"Together at Last" [Jeb x Reader, fic, angst/fluff]

You and Jebediah were very close even before he began making his plans to take Nexus down, anyone could see it, he was often found around you if not with Hofnarr and drowining himself in his work

It was obvious there was something going on, some scientists that worked under Projects the Director put him in charge of would see him out with you, talking as if you knew each other for years(which you kinda did) and began placing bets on wether or not you were together, even Hofnarr was in on it- which was funny because he knew you both were together for a good while now

He told you a lot of things from work, venting out his frustrations to you if you allowed him, you were the one he most trusted with anything, you heard a lot of shit talk about Phobos and Crackpot specifically, it was honestly amusing seeing Jeb rant about their bullshit while resting his head on your lap and make angry gestures with his hand as you played with his hair

He'd sigh at the end and look at you thankfully, thank you for letting him rant, and apologizing if he got too intense in certain parts, you'd shrug it off and kiss his forehead for reassurance, saying its nothing he needs to apologize over, he never told you, but everytime you said those words he'd fall for you all over again. You were just the light of his life

That being said, he confined the information of his plans with you as well, telling you how things would work out and the plan he had for you end others involved directly with the plan to go out safe and sound

After Phobos fired him, he quickly got home and began to quickly organize everything for when he'd need to be off to put the plan in action, all while muttering curses at the damned Director under his breath. After you got home from your own work, you were initially confused about the gear on top of the table of your shared apartment, until you remembered the plan

You sat with Christoff in the living room as he rapidly typed emails to his friends, he looked at you once he unfocused from the computer, wondering if you were getting home, almost startling him as he spotted you on the couch messing on your phone beside him

".. [Name]... Welcome home, dear... Did- you get home just now or-"

"Nah, been here for a few minutes, I didnt want to interrupt you since that seemed important... Is everything okay?" You asked, turning off your phone and turning yourself to him as you spoke, he sighed

"my apologies for not realizing your were there sooner, my dear.... That- foolish Director fired me today." He hissed lightly, your eyes widened, that wasnt good- "oh god... Thats-... how are you going to go about the plan now then?" Your eyebrows furrowed in worry, he gently took your hands in his

"worry not, all will go as planned, t'is but a minor inconvenience, Hofnarr will give me access to the back of the Tower, Ive already planned the route from the plaza to the room I must go to." He gently stroked your knuckles with his thumbs in attempt to soothe your worries, he didn't tell you everything about it though

You looked down, nodding as you processed through this new route, you both fell silent for a moment before you looked back at him

"are you sure you still need to go through with this?"

"Dear, you know I have no choice. If he goes through with Gestalt, we're all doomed, we must act as soon as possible."

You sighed "I know I know- I just... I just keep worrying for the worse.. what if the plan doesnt work? What if you get caught? What if Phobos wins??- Jeb I dont want to lose you.." you looked at him with worry, that look of fear in your eyes gripped at his heart, he moved his hands around your waist, hugging you close

"all will go as planned, my Love, I wont fail, thats something I promise you, and you know Im a man of word." He gave you a gentle smile, you smiled a bit, letting out a small chuckle "I know that very well... I trust you dear, Im sorry, Im just scared for you."

You gently leaned your forehead with his, he smiled, a faint purr rumbling from his chest "I know... But try not to worry, I wont fail, and I'll come to pick you up on our spot as soon as Im finished with everything." You took a moment before mumbling an 'alright.', he mumbled the same, placing a gentle kiss on your lips as he held you close, attempting to soothe you once more by gently rubbing his hand on your back as you held him just as firmly

Trusth be told, he had the same worries as you, he was worried domething would go wrong, mentally going over anything that could go wrong in his mind from the plan on to ready himself, he completely expected to go down with Phobos in worst case scenario, losing isn't an option and winning may be of little chance.. Though he'd try not to think too much about it, he doesnt want to end up jinxing himself, for now he'll spend as much time as he can with you.

---

By the next day, you helped him get ready to go meet with Hofnarr by the Rift, helping him with hiding his weapons and the bullet proof vest under his clothes, you both went over your plan again

"alright, again, while I go meet with Hofnarr, you-"

"I head to wait with the Sheriff guy by the gate to the indrustrial sector until you come back." You recalled as you adjusted the colar on his coat and adjusted his tie "I have my bag all set already, I'll head out as soon as youre out of view so its not too suspicious."

Christoff nodded in approvement, a hum coming from his throat "alright, I'll be off then... [Name], my Love, please be careful." He placed his hands on your waist, looking at you with almost pleading eyes, you placed your hands over his, giving him a light peck "of course I will, dearest, I promise, you be careful too, I dont want to have to go break you out" you half joked, laughing softly as he chuckled lightly.. you always loved his laugh

"I will... I'll see you soon, Love." You shared a kiss again, a bit longer then the one yesterday, as soon as you parted, he gave you a smaller, shorter kiss, for good measure, y'know?

"see you soon, Dear... I love you." He hesitantly let go of you, you gave him a small smile as he opened the door behind him

"I love you too, more than my whole existence." And out the door he went, you simply stood there as the door closed, your smile fell, eyebrows furrowing, why did you get a bad feeling in your gut all of the sudden...?

---

Well, if youre here this far you must know how it played out, he defeated Phobos and got out alive.. that- wasn't his expectation but all for the best, he's glad he survived to see you again. he quickly darted through the city to the Industrial Sector's gate, he read the MERC Laborers ready to close the gates for you..

But you were nowhere in sight.

He asked them about you, but they just shook their head, looking confused, his stomach dropped, feeling dread grow on his chest, he looked around a bit, clearly hesitant before he gave them the orders to close the gates, we were too far in to stop now, they needed to be safe and the Zeds are beginning to rapidly grow in numbers. He'd find you, its fine! he'll find you, he's sure of it

After speaking with Hofnarr, he asked him about you too, the shorter scientist nervously afirmed he didn't see you that day at all, making more dread overcome Christoff's very being. He thanked his friend anyway, asking him to get you to him if he happens to find you around, Hofnarr nodded and flew off with his jetpack as Jeb began to roam the falling apart city frantically.. you need to be okay, you must be alive, you have to...

---

Years of search and nothing. not a single trace of you since the Fall... But Jeb never stopped searching, he searched everywhere he could multiple times, flipping the city upside down in search of you, searching out of the city for you, MERC, Somewhere, nowhere was free of his search, but nothing, not a single trace aside your bag with your old things he found on the route he set for you that day..

He refused to believe you could be dead, for all he knows a Zed or- or a robber couldve gotten a grip on your bag and you let it go to get to safety! you just... didn't make it to MERC...

Countless nights he came back toyour old shared apartment he still used as a hideout after the Nexus Core agents were done searching for him in his old home, he'd just sit down on the couch and look at a broken picture frame with a picture of you two in it for hours, he would barely even realize he'd been sitting there doing bat shit with a blank stare

And no matter how his eyes got fucked, or how the dissonance from the Halo was slowly deteriorating his mind, he'd still search for you... he may have lost his friend, he may have lost his job, he may have lost his life or part of himself, but you is someone he cant bare acknowledge he lost. and countless nights.. he actually shed tears, he wept, praying so hard you'd come back, praying you were okay, praying he wouldn't find you as a mindless Zed roaming the City's streets. He felt like he failed you... But he had to keep his head up, you must be okay, you must be safe.. if you weren't, he would've found your body by now, wouldn't he?

At least thats what he told himself to keep himself from giving up on your search, he needed to keep going, he knows you're alive.. he has a feeling you are at least...

He was on his way to purge another of Auditor's AAHW bases, until he caught movement with the corner of his eye, he snapped his head to where he saw it, immediately jumping on guard, seeing a hooded figure take down a zed and shoot a grunt running in the distance. He'd dismiss it was another survivor just trying to survive in this wasteland until you made eye contact..

He could recognize that face anywhere..

His eyes widen, so did yours, but neither dared to move, it wasnt until he muttered your name that you snapped out of your stunned haze and run at him, yelling his name as you both collided in a hug

You hugged him tightly as he was still stunned to see you, hovering his hands over your form until he realized this wasnt a dream and immediately hug onto you tightly as well

Tears slipping out of your eyes as you pulled away a bit, smiling as you cupped his face in your hands

"Jeb! Oh god its you!"

"[Name]... You're here.. you really are..." He leaned into your hands, tears threatening to fall from his eyes as emotion overwhelmed him

"yes! Yes Im here! I was so worried, I thought I'd never see you again!" You felt his rough hand be placed on your cheek, you leaned into it as he gently wiped your tears

He smiled, tears finally falling off his eyes, he pulled you into a kiss, longing and loving, he missed you so much its unreal, after parting you hugged again after wiping his years with your thumbs, holding each other until Jeb was alerted by someone clearing their throat

He pulled you behind him, taking his sword out and looking at where the sound came, only to be met with Hank just, standing there, of course they were covered in blood like always, which only made them seem like more of a threat

"... Wimbleton. What are you doing here?"

"... Mission."

Jeb hummed, you gently tugged on his arm

"it's- it's okay, I work with them."

".. what-" he looked down at you with a raised eyebrow

You explained what happened to you on your way to MERC, how 2BDamned helped you after getting cornered by thugs and asked you to join SQ as a way to return the favor, he was still confused why you would accept it, you added the zeds began swarming by then and you both eneded up too far away from MERC's gate

Then he understood, nodding as he lowered his sword, after a ment of silence he asked if youd still work for him, you said you kinda liked there so yes, he nodded

You asked Hank if they could tell Doc youd be back later and that they could go without you, they shrugged, turned around and left

You leaned on Jeb, taking a hold of his hand and smiling up at him, you two hugged again, I think that purge can wait a day, he swept you off your feet, holding you bridal style, asking if youd like to go stay with him at his hideout, obviously you said accepted

---

Over at his old apartment, you two just cuddled, he held you strongly as if you'd vanish, though you can't complain, you were doing the same while gently playing with his hair

He sighed as you burrowed your face into his neck, gently petting your arm with one of his hands, muttering things about how things have been over the years, things youve seen, occasionally laughing at something silly or funny either of you encountered

You learned of what happened to Hofnarr and how Crackpot went missing, it saddened you, at mostly over Hofnarr- he was a great friend to Christoff, you felt like he blamed himself for it, and you were right

Eventually your conversation died down as exhaustion washed over you, both your eyes feeling heavy

"... I missed you.. so, so much, love." He muttered, nuzzling into your hair

"I missed you just as much... Im sorry I worried you for so long, 2B- gives a lot of work to do so I was always away doing something.." you answered, arms going limp as you snuggled close and closed you eyes

"I know.. he does his best for his cause, he's a good man." You hummed, falling silent before muttering a last thing sleepily

"I love you, Jeb..."

"I love you too, more than my whole existence... Sweet dreams, dear..."

You muttered a barely coherent goodnight before you drifted off, he smiled, huffing a small laugh as he held you, drifting off to sleep easier than ever before

You were home, you were safe, and you were there with him, nothing more gave him more relief than knowing that

===========================

[sphericalbee]

this is long asf and i know it STARTS w me being like 'i should kms' but im gna spoil it for u all and say that's NOT where it goes lmfao im just dumping out all my thoughts

!! very very rambly, not proofread even once, probably makes no sense and is very cheesy

i wrote a fucking novel holy shit LMFAO no hard feelings if u skip

if i can be kinda depressing for a second i think ab killing myself too much for someone who is basically fine (that might be a lie idk i don't feel like thinking ab it more rn) 😭 like the world just has so many issues i dont wna deal with,,, yk? and it would be so much easier to just move on to whatever's next, bc i KNOW ill have a fuckton of debt in college and have to live through miserable relationships and watch the earth fall apart bc our leaders r so incompetent. even now im living through like 5 genocides, insane global warming, a poverty crisis, inflation, and all of this can be boiled down to greed and hatred

also a lot of kids my age are so horrible for no reason and it's sad to think how many people just absolutely suck ass

but at the same time i won't kill myself bc there are people who i wna make sure get through everything alright, and ik i have good things to live through too

so ive compromised and decided i get to shoot myself in the head when im like 60 if i don't have a wife and the world is still a mess 💀 like i don't wna live longer than i'll enjoy it (lets be reallll global warming will kill us all before i have to do anything anyway)

surprisingly, i got a lot better after reading philosophy books? making sense of the world and appreciating the genius of the philosophers, who were ppl just like me, helps

i feel like ive found so many new ways to think ab and experience the world through philosophy. it's a beautiful part of humanity, trying to understand and having genuine fascination about the way things are and what everything means

good music helps too. yerin baek to fall in love with everything and cry over every single feeling you've ever had ever, universe mongae when that's too much and i have to detach

i listen to universe mongae a lot in class bc my classmates fuckingh SUCKK and she sets me apart from my emotions or feeling lonely when im leaving myself out on purpose bc they're not good people

a few days ago, i was listening to yerin baek as i walked back to school from lunch and the world was suddenly so beautiful and i realised how everyone else has a consciousness and worlds just as real as mine and i fell in love with everyone (by everyone i mean like 30 people)

suddenly i couldn't even care how much i missed out on or the people who i wish loved me more because in the grand scheme of things, im allowed to be careless and love without reciprocation and it won't matter because i hold no more worth than a dragonfly... to have zero expectations for what you could and should feel or be and just enjoy yerin's voice in the moment might be one of the happiest moments i've ever had, honestly

yk whats ironic? it was a love song directed as another person that made me realise i could feel love and not care if i was still no one's favorite. life is beautiful anyway because i can love and make it beautiful on my own

not that my state of 'im fine with loving everyone alone' will last very long. i mean,, im just a mammal LMAO i can't deny my own brain chemistry

even just earlier today i finished the math test earlier and accidentally started thinking ab my childhood. idk why it happened but i did

and i remembered how i was so selfish and couldn't let anyone see i was anything less than perfect

there's one memory where i mispronounced a word and a girl corrected me. and i immediately tried to say, "no i know, but my brother says it that way and i do it too on accident". she called me out, obviously, and i rolled my eyes before whispering "it's true though" in the hope that someone would hear and think "oh she actually knew that"

it's sad to think how i used to be. that's from around 7th grade, i think, so i would've been 11 maybe?

up to a few months ago i would randomly remember that and feel insane anger and hatred for my younger self

it seems so foreign to me now and weird that i could hate a child for being brought up with horrible conditions and lacking emotional maturity. i thought that if i could go back in time i would just look at her and feel bad bc i got so much better since then

maybe even love her idk she's not having fun either 💀 do u think she enjoys holding herself to absolute perfection and looking like a dumbass in front of everyone when that's inevitably impossible??

there was another time that made me so sad to think ab

i got dragged along to my brother's friend's birthday party and some kid did smth rude

and i watched as the kid got chewed out by his mom and then went to apologise to the birthday kid

and the birthday kid just said, so seriously, "I accept your apology"

and i remember thinking smth like 'whoa that's cool id be so embarrassed talking like that'

thinking ab that time (i think i was 12ish maybe) is so crazy. like my parents did such a shit job that i thought i had to be SO ALOOF and above it all that accepting an apology was weak and embarrassing?? jesus i cannot wait to move out 💀 ill send them an email when im gone telling them everything they'd send me back to therapy for

ive been reading too much philosophy, and a lot of that revolves around the meaning of life and how to achieve happiness/catharsis. but i think i have my own conclusion of what it means to be happy even without plato haha

ive never been happier than when i began to forgive and understand myself

it feels like i can live as i want and it's not important. one of my favorite quotes is "i could die tonight and hold no more significance than a dragonfly's death". i wouldn't say im a nihilist but i do like the idea that nothing means anything other than the worlds we have in our minds

it's my mission to make those i care about happy and carve out a good future for myself

ive tried to follow a lifestyle of "i work for my future without ruining my present" but ngl i just ended up anorexic literally three times in the past 5 years 💀 idek what i did wrong like DAMN?? chill tf out hggsdhgfsgd i had a panic attack over eating an extra bit of cheese one time

also fuck my parents for giving me no life skills. raising urself is really hard and you end up with so much internalised bullshit

im honestly so proud of myself for turning everything around after 8th grade

i guess i owe a lot to my classmates for not letting me get away w bullshit and caring ab political issues

it's pretty wild that i cry at movies now when last year i was apathetic all the time

i think i like having feelings? pretty undecided still ngl

i think it's a step up

but i can't even talk to my parents ab how they fucked everything up for me and i had to pull myself out pf the absolute trenchessssss or theyll make me do family therapy and ill end up forgiving them which id rather explode than do

anyway ig my point is if you're having trouble with existence or mental health, pls don't give up on yourself. i promise there's people out there who either love you or will in the future and you just need a few quality coping mechanisms to make it through the day

whether that's antidepressants, the powerpuff girls, philosophy (:33 which it should be), yerin baek (which it also should be), or vent art, find ways to make life liveable until you're ok again. bc you always will be in the end

i probably don't know you but i love you because you have a life and a consciousness

please recognise that about everyone

i read somewhere that everything will always be alright in the end and if it's not okay yet, it's not the end either. it sounds dumb and doesn't really make sense (where's the logic lmao site ur sources at least) but it's such a nice sentiment

i think ummm i will go to school and give all my friends a big hug tmrw so pls don't be sad in the meantime

anyway loossemble's new album is good im so happy for them

this is the happiest and healthiest hyeju's ever looked i lowkey wna cry over how well theyre doing ;v;

also highkey want her to put me in a chokehold like GHSFDFJFSDHGJK those ARMSSSSSS MOTHER??

fuck modhaus tho i hope artms r doing well... fucking jaden jeong ugh

[thisdreamplace]

any tips on how to focus on the 4d and all that you’re manifesting while also not getting distracted by what OTHER people are saying or asking? For example, ppl keep asking me what I want to do in life, what I’m planning in life, or that it seems like I’m goalless with no direction. Those questions for some reason bother me and put me in a funk, because it feels like I have my dream career in the 4d, but then ppl in the 3d come in saying stuff like this and then it just reminds me that THEY don’t see it.

my biggest tip is focus on the 4d and stop being so hyperfocused in what you're manifesting. tbh.

i so resonate with this bc omg. i used to (internally) FALL APART when people asked me anything in the same category as what i was manifesting. and i knew all the great teachers said "it doesnt matter what you say, its already done" but for the life of me i couldnt fully feel that, i couldnt grasp it or accept that at all. i always felt so bad and full of anxiety even after giving my answer, wondering if i've fucked everything up. def not fun.

for me, i stopped caring about it when i realized i dont have a reason to fight against my current reality or pretend things arent as they are. whatever everyone else sees, is whats true, sure. on the outside. so i don't need to walk around like it's not what it appears to be. but i go within myself and i know how i feel and i know whats true for me. its that feeling of i don't actually need validation. its just, i go within myself and i become one with god and i keep that close to my heart. and i think thats why you kinda have to let the whole hyperfixation on your desires go, on the level that it feels more like ur still trying to prove to urself ur truth. bc really. when u know in ur heart something is true, when you have accepted it within, you're not as easy to shake. sure you may have moments where you're thrown off or maybe even feel some type of way, as is normal for this human experience. but you really won't be that bothered by it so often and so easily.

yall its honestly so okay (and often SO HELPFUL) to be able to say, "yeah with the way things look rn im not where i wanna be" AND accept that. rather than being like "no no the 3d is wrong my 4d is right" its okay to let the 3d flow, to be what it is, and hug your inner world tight. bc really thats all u need to do. hold on close to your inner world and let yourself live in the 3d as it is, enjoying every moment, knowing each experience is just part of the unfolding of the beautiful things to come. thats really how you go about living within yourself, and the outer world simultaneously.

<3

[miracleqmusical]

its been a whole since ive written anything.. hello

life has actually been getting really good. im glad the world didnt end last month.

i started talking with a friend a lot, then we started matching pfps and talking everyday and then i developed a crush on him. we would kinda flirt back and forth in a sorta joking way but then things kinda escalated HELP. we officially became a thing 1-4-24 :3. i enjoy every moment spent with them

so i guess thats me revealing that the guy i was incredibly head over heels for isnt the one. idk why i loved him so much. hes a piece of shit :/ hes already been shit talking me LMFAO. like werent you in love with me a few weeks ago? its whatever. im not focused on him anymore. im focused on L! i heart L

something bad happened on the 5th, my online friend group split up. i knew it was bound to happen, but it actually made me horribly sad. i miss them a lot and its only been a few days. days have been feeling like weeks. and worst of all, my best friends left while i was asleep, so i woke up to the group falling apart. they were my whole world, my roman empire. i was dependent and attached to them. but i mean, its not like my best friends left ME.. we’re still friends.. but its not really the same. our server was deleted too. that crushed me, even though i hated that place. there were so many problems and flaws in our group that it was the best we split up. but i miss them so much :,(

im starting to realize i have a presence in the real world and i dont just exist online. i dissociate a lot of my life i think.. i need to wake up

okay whatever boohoo abt my life time to mpve on to how much i love L

i listen to his favorite music artists to feel closer to him, i think about him all the time, ive drawn him, i talk about him to my best friend all the time, i look for signs in his reposts

AM I CRAZY? crazy in love (praying he’ll never find this account)

i really hope we last, universe let me have this one. let this one work out because i loooove herrr

they are so pretty, i love their smile and the way they laugh. i love his drawings and freckles on her face O_o i love the way he talks about me and the way we joke around. i love them so much i dont believe it

this is so cringe i wanna die

whatever

goodbye 🖤

[like-rain-or-confetti]

i know you dont write about twilight anymore but if u are willing to answer this

Do u think mates are chosen?

Ah fuck it why not.

So I'll start by saying this is a topic of debate for me.

So, Canon wise, I think they're chosen. I believe a relationship develops strong enough that a vampire sees their mate and chooses them as a 'you. You're the one. You're the love of my life. I want to spend eternity with you.' This is seemingly how it works.

And I don't dig it. For no other reason, the likelihood, in my opinion. This is probably because I'm a human in the real world. I think a lot, if not everyone who has ever been in love has this moment. They find someone and know this person is the one. Maybe they'll get married and have kids. All with the idea that they'll be together until they die. This doesn't always happen. People get divorced. People have kids thinking it'll somehow miraculously save their relationship and most come away with the conclusion that if you spend your whole life with one person then you were lucky and you two were so good at overcoming hurdles along the way because relationships are always requiring work.

So with this being said, these great loves like Carlisle and Esme, Marcus and Didyme, etc. All will constantly need work. All will have periods of difficulty, and they will have to actively force themselves to fight for their relationship over and over again as the world changes around them throughout time and people like me would then have to wonder...when did it turn into forcing yourselves to stay together in the hopes this will miraculously fix itself?

I think most of us can agree that if someone a friend has spent a long period of time in a long-term relationship unhappy and actually forcing themselves to stay, the advice you'd give as a friend is to leave for both parties happiness.

That brings me to the alternative of mates not being chosen.

Let's not forget my bias as a fanfic writer who spent years writing twilight. 😂

So let me be clear, fated mates are so much easier to write. I'm not writing a full book with someone else's characters and taking a step by step process to those characters falling in love. Especially knowing that half of those characters wouldn't touch a human with a ten foot pole except for getting the munchies. I often wonder if it would be like falling in love with the turkey you have on the holidays or the lettuce in your salad. Why would a vampire fall for the food source? Well, that's a whole other rabbit hole, isn't it? I reckon there is some debate to be made on that. Anyway back to mates.

Oh but vanity why would the universe be so cruel give someone a mate only for them to be born millennia apart? Well, my lovelies, let me explain that too.

Anyone else ever wonder if you could relate to anyone in the 1800s even if your lives are vastly different? Well that's kinda similar to where I'm doing.

It's the whole idea that the universe isn't cruel, its just indifferent.

Some people you'll just click with more than others and if people from the dark ages were walking around among us, we'd probably get along with some. 🤷‍♀️

Plus, it tickles the romanticist in me. Wouldn't we all love to believe there's someone out there perfect for us?

It's like a dream but with a dose of reality that we can't guarantee we'll ever be alive at the same time as our true love or whatever.

Not to mention, it's very comforting if you feel like an outcast no? No worries if humanity is a bitch there's a gorgeous vampire who's been waiting 1000 years to find you! Yup, clears that right up 😂

This fated mates alternative -TO ME- irons out these questions of these relationships lasting forever without a hitch as written in the books. Carlisle and Esme will face hardship here and there, but for not one minute, will there ever be a doubt that they won't do it together. It's them against the world always, and they're happy and fulfilled for it. Their lives are complete in that regard, which is why it tears them apart from the inside when a vampire loses their mate. Another reason why a vampire can not keep their mate as human because they can't bear being without them, not that they've found them. Like tearing away a piece of yourself, knowingly. No one could choose that happily. So they don't. Benjamin snuck Tia away in the middle of the night, and the rest was history, Amun be damned. Benjamin needed Tia like we need air to breathe. It's simple in a complicated world.

I think I basically covered everything 🤔...as well as sucked my brain into the feeding/falling in love with humans rabbit hole.

Hope this was somewhat interesting!

P.S. I'm still dabbling with Twilight, but for the foreseeable future, I won't be taking requests. I can't make up my mind. So it's easier to say I'm not writing for it so I'm not getting hopes up because even if twilight consistently came back, i probably wouldn't take requests.

[dunb123]

(head cannons )if infinite darknesses leon and patrick were to fall for each other( my fav ship)

i feel like if they were gonna fall in it would and friends x lovers because after the white housev mission they would become acquaintances to work friends to friends to best friends then lovers

i feel as though when they start to catch feelings they would be in denial for a long ass time then as their friendship grows they would try to give each other hints but the other is too dense to notice the hints so they in their minds they both give up on hints

after months of suppressing their feelings for each other i feel it would only come out ( they don't tell each other feelings because they dont want to ruin there friendships). but as i was saying it would only come out if they got drunk and accidentally blurt it out then immediately regret it or one of them got jealous because the other was hanging out with someone else i also feel when patrick would get jealous he would get upset but keep his jealousy to himself on the other hand leon everyone can tell by his body language his tone his change in mood

there offical first date i feel would be at pat's house they wouldnt do a candle light dinner i feel as they would both prefer to be at home eat chinese or mexican take out watch tv shows or have movie marathons

they both have DEFINITELY love to build lego sets and have a seperate shelf after they build there sets they put it on the shelf

there first kiss would be awkward like leading up would be awkard because i feel patrick would be super nervous would have butterflies and then leon being the confident guy he is would intiate the kiss patrick would back out after a few moments of kissing but then would ease back into it and kisses back leon

now patrick has been updated from best friend to boyfriend status i feel leon would be more protective over patrick like since the white house mission patrick is has panic attacks becuse of what happened in the hallway that night so leon is super protective of his boyfriend

they wouldn't bring work into their relationship and try to avoid it i feel they would rarely argue only time they had a serious argument if patrick was being dumb and nearlt hurt himself and leon would worried and upset or if leon injured himself (eg. broke arm or leg ) pat would get upset and really worried about leon's safety and health alll over they would have health and happy relationship

affection i dont think they would super affectionate with each other in public they might hold hands outside of the dso office but would rather like to be alone and be more intimate and affectionate alone in each others apartment would definetly sleepover at each others house and would fall asleep cuddling

when they text i feel when they have conversations patrick would talk and talk and leon would listen to pat while smiling and looking at his boyfriends lovingly or when they text i feel pat would get a little annoyed with leons dry texts and replies and would get upset and be over dramatic and ignore leon and leon tries to improve his texting , when leon tells patrick dad jokes and patrick cringes a bit or doesnt understand but he laughs with leon to not hurt his feelings i feel like there text mainly are just sending memes to each other at ungodly hours on the night and sending each others memes that gen z kids would cringe at but pat and leon would laugh because they think its funny

patrick def becomes obsessed with Leon after leon saved his life in the white house mission obsessed leon and follows him around like a lost puppy and leon doesn't mind and lets him because he just likes keeping tabs on his boyfriend what his doing where he is making sure he isnt dead ( pat is more clingy to leon )

at the dso office they kinda only talk to each other and basically are each others only friend unless if they talk to claire

one time patrick cooked a random recipe he saw online and when it doesnt taste good leon laughs and makes fun of his boyfriend and pat gets upset and ignores leon and leon apologizes to pat when pat ignores his sorry leon bribes him with pats fav food

another time they try pet names (eg. sweetheart, bub, my love ) they both internally cringed and just stick to calling each other there names

they defintely share clothes like hoodies and shirts i feel like when pat sleeps over at leons he on purposely doesn't bring clothes over so he can wear leons clothes because he likes the way leon clothes smell and when leon sleeps over and goes to borrow something and finds his missing shirts and hoodies he interrogates patrick and some miracle gaslights leon into believing that leon left the clothes his clothes at pats house and pat was going to return his clothes but pat was never ever. gonna return leons hoodies and shirts cause he loves them (bestie is obsessed with his boyfriend)

when leon gets introduced to patricks friends he accidentally scares pats friends at first but leon grows on them

they have strict rule at the dso office they keep professional that was until leon gets ,desperate for some affection and yanks patrick into random places like his office , the bathroom , after a meeting in the meeting room and at random times when patrick isnt expecting it they had a couple times when they nearly get caught making out by there boss but make good excuses

patrick definitely got jealous of ada wong and got upset and told leon to distance himself for her or at least not talk to her as much during missions and leon obviously respects his boyfriends wishes and doesn't talk to her as much because he is in a committed relationship with patrick ( ada also backs off leon and doesn't flirt with leon as much as when he was single just because ada cant commit to leon does not mean my pookie bear ada is a homewrecker she a respectful girly )(Patrick just wants Leon all to him self)

ada also during patricks missions protects patrick from danger ( not to make him sound fragile or weak he can defend himself like when he kicked the zombie but in re4 she diverts the zombies attention away from leon to her so leon could save ashley) she only does this cause she knows how much patrick means to leon

i feel like claire and patrick get along and become best friends and claire would definitely embarrassed leon to patrick and claire and patrick are ✨besties✨

everyone in dso office knows that patrick and leon are dating but forgot because pat and leon act more like friends then ✨boyfriends✨ other agents are confused how pat and leon ended up dating because patrick hated leon then dated ? they dont really question it and let the couple be

overall there relationship would fun slightly chaotic definetyl healthl

[chrismcshell]

lil personal rant that im putting under a readmore just because it's not important, really just a "using tumblr as my diary" moment, & i wanna make it easy to scroll past:

leaving for my trip soon (visiting family in BC with my mom) & i kinda wish i wasn't!! i don't wanna be away from home for half of the month of june! i just moved into this apartment just over a month ago, and the past couple months have been so busy, i'd love to just chill here for a while... also it's the perfect time of year to be hanging out in my own city, going out to enjoy the nice weather, going to markets n stuff.... and i'd much rather be able to come home to my own apartment at the end of the day, rather than staying with my aunt....

ultimately im sure it'll be a nice trip, ive always wanted to see BC, i just wasnt very involved with planning this whole thing & kinda wish we couldve done it at a different time, even just a month later. but oh well. c'est la vie

(...AND ANOTHER THING, i'm also a bit scared of travelling by plane. i have only flown once in my life, and i was 4 years old so i dont really remember it. so it's mostly just fear of the unknown. but then there's also the very real possibility that the damn boeing plane could fall apart mid-flight,)

[soconfusedwithmylife]

i love subnautica but dude is it buggy as shit lmao although! its one of its charms since its funky most of the time ESPECIALLY when its not happening to you. like i had a peeper stuck in the corner of my lifepod just rotating?? and it would close its eyes when i would come close or a shine light on it and open them back up when i go away or close the light. or like when a poor spadefish or boneshark gets yeeted across the ocean for no reason. is it funny to look back on a warper coming out of the sea to you like some fucked up little mermaid or a chelicerate busting through a ventgarden to attack you? sure. but is it fucked up in the moment? NO. the latter happened to my sister while i was there to emotionally support her on her way to get alan's whateverthefucks lmao. she loves and prefers below zero majorly over the og mostly because it was the first one she played and she grew attached to it over the beta,, she hates where they ended up with the finished product. i played like half an hour of it in the beta decided it wasnt for me. i get SUPER jealous of the seamonkeys and the mineral detector tho. ayoooo rip to you consolers but im different B) pc is superior in the way it literally lets you fuck around with however you want and you bet i Will Play God whenever applicable! what else do you play? also now that we are talking about games i have to tell you. i love you and and your writing. but the feelings ive felt when i read you put him in plat............. my boy should have been at least diamond from the start im still in tears from that chapter i still havent recovered to this day how could you do my boy like this. how could you doubt his epic gamer skills and gaming time management issues like this. please explain yourself before my entire life falls apart at your feet. also me, an adc main, reading "accidentally kill the large-"

my boy was holding it in by shEEr power of love. especially after they nerfed the fuck out of adc to the point mfs will be rolling up the lane with double ap or a fucking yasuo. why is there always a fucking yasuo on enemy bot lane. and why do they all share the same zombie braincell. yone did not die for this bullshit. and to answer your question it depends on where im sending the question from lol. like on mobile there is like a 300? i think? character limit while on mobile and something similar on pc if i go to your blog site and choose ask from your theme. but here is the thing. if i go to your blog from tumblr/user instead of user.tumblr, then click ask, it literally gives me the same box as if im making a post. so no text limit whatsoever and i can freely send pics and stuff, pretty neat B)

nah i think at the end of the day doing whatever makes you the most comfortable and happy regarding the uploads is the most important! i just liked having multiple days of something nice to me ya know? not necessarily the fact that it was split. and i love them both!! the reason i call it texas touya fic is because one, when i started reading tomura was still more like on the sidelines and it kinda stuck two, it rolls of the tongue easier than texas tomura i guess? but i love them both T-T both as texans and in general! oh and dont worry ill probably bore you till you tell me to go away or something and and and! have a nice day!

I almost wish my game was as buggy as yours sounds. It sounds hilarious and game enriching. Mine doesn't like to glitch up but that probably because I played on PS4 and 5. Right after original launch of plain Subnautica, I got to the lava castle but the containment area wouldn't load so I had to start a new save. Hours down the drain.

^legit me after going through the entirety of the game again. Reapers, warpers, ghosts, and sea dragons biting chunks out of my ass all over again. But it was soooooo fun. It's one of my fave games.

OMG the backseat support gamer!!! I had one of those too for my second play through of oh Subnautica! Good on you to emotionally and psychologically hype your sister for the spookiness. I really liked below zero the first time I played it since I was just super hyped to have more Subnautica period but playing them again, you can definitely feel a substantial difference in atmosphere and replayability. Below zero just felt cramped and not as scary while Subnautica was open to terror from any direction. I totally understand your first experience being your favorite though. Whoa! You played it in the beta??? That's awesome! I'm but a lowly console peasant (until I get my PC fixed 😈) so I had to wait for console release.

OMFG DUDE. I was literally going to make him diamond II or even master BUT I didn't want a mega mind gamer in the comments to be like "erm, tomura wouldn't be diamond. It's hard to get to diamond!!11!" So I lowered his stats and you know what's CRAZY?! Me and a friend were talking about this exact issue and she brought up how he should have been at least diamond and I said the exact same story lmao. So I will go back and edit him into diamond 💀 he deserves it. The CS steal is so real 😔 so uncalled for. So unsophisticated. Okay but playing yasuo is fun, going against a yasuo is cancer. The wind shield is op. (When I'm playing against a yasuo) but sucks balls and blocks nada when I play him. (It's a zombie braincell hivemind that we all take turns with)

You're a Tumblr pro dude. 💀 I hadn't used it since 2015 so I'm still getting the hang of it (it doesn't tell me when I get notifs btw so I'm sorry for leaving you hanging for TWO WEEKS)

It legit means so much to me that you find so much joy in my writing and have stuck with it even with the long periods between updates. I appreciate you and the time you put into talking to me. It means a lot to me and you're the coolest anon I know.

Oh! And other games I play are pretty much anything 💀 I try to not get into competitive games like overwatch, Apex, or CSGO because I get EXTREMELY competitive and start screeching like a wounded animal. I used to play league religiously until my PC broke and my laptops can't run it (it can but it's like I'm either crashing or playing on PowerPoint) so I'm saving to get a new processor so I can play again! I mained ADC (jinx and Ashe, sometimes Tristana) or Annie on mid (LOL) BUT other than those, I prettyuch like anything. My fave games are Horizon Zero Dawn, Fable 2, Binding of Isaac, Assassin's Creed 2, and Minecraft! I play lots of survival games like ark, the forest, 7 days to die, and so on. I like simulation games Sims (obviously), house flipper, power wash simulator or even farming simulator 💀. You name a game, I've either played it or know about it.

They are my loves. They are my special boys and I care deeply for their fictional existence. As Texans, futuristic jerkwads, and in general.

No way will you ever bore me. If anything, I'll bore you

ANYWAY I will literally talk forever if given a chance 😬 thank you for talking to me! I'm always so excited to hear from you! I consider you a good friend at this point. How long has it been? Like 3 months? Maybe more???

[aurora1040]

Death is a strange thing when you grow up in a really large family.

I'm not talking about the 'i have 8 siblings' large family, I mean 20+ uncles and aunts in generation 1 and 20+ great uncles and aunts in generation 2, not counting the people they married or the kids they had or the divorces and remarriages. I'm talking BIG family.

Because from the time you are very little, you've been introduced to death. One of my very earliest memories is when my great great grampa died when i was like... what. 5? 4 years old? I'm not entirely sure but i remember it so clearly.

So many of us were packed inside his house that i was sleeping on the floor under a coffee table (or at least, i was supposed to be sleeping). I remember someone opened the door and someone else was complaining about how the draft would make grampa uncomfortable and i remember very clearly how broken one of my Aunts sounded when she said "I dont think he cares anymore." And that was the moment that Grampa died.

I remember going over to see him and how i could almost swear he was still breathing (thanks a lot, brain tricks /s). I remember his ashen face, the way hos mouth was still open, the way his lips were kinda sunken in, and how peaceful he looked. I remember the quilts on his bed that he had made with his own two hands in his younger years.

I still have quilts that he had made in my apartment today that I will probably never be able to make myself get rid of.

I still remember when one of my great great aunts died and was maybe 5 or 6 years old and how long and pretty her white hair was as she laid there in the casket - and noticing again how i could almost swear that she was still breathing.

In big families like mine, we dont have reunions, we have funerals. We would often remark 'i guess i'll see you at the next one' because they happened so frequently and so often that it was the only chance we had to even get together.

Funerals and memorials services are our normal. You grow up learning real quick the do's and don'ts at funerals.

It became so normalized that when i lost my own brother, I didnt cry. And that upset me more than his sudden and early death did. His death is what numbed my ability to cry at funerals, to be shocked at the news, and I've learned to make peace with my lack of emotion. This is just my life. This is just my normal. Filled with death and tragedy.

I dont cry when someone dies. I cry when someone else is grieving. I hurt because someone living is in grief. I dont dread the death, I dread not being there for those whom the death affected most.

And its surreal to me as I watch the number of living family dwindle. I only have one gramma. one grampa. 2 great aunts. The people who are falling victim to death are steadily becoming those who raised me, those who have actively touched my life in significant ways. Despite how used to death I am, its starting to become personal. I'm starting to see how old my parents really are. I'm starting to see the need to keep in close contact with my close yet extended family.

Death is normal to me and yet its starting to not be. its just..... a very weird relationship to have with death.

Anyways, here's to the living. May you always have someone strong you can rely on when its your time to grieve.