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hauntedwitch04 · 11 months

Text

Little one

Sam Winchester x reader

Words: about 3.9k words

Warnings: smut, smut, I forgot to say smut, DESTIEL BECAUSE I LOVE THEM, dirty talk

Author’s note: Hi loves! I finally managed to write some more after the crazy week I had. Hope you like it, your witch Becky

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KINKTOBER ...........-..........KINKTOBER TAGLIST 2023

DAY 5: Size kink

"Hey little one do you need a hand?" You hear Sam ask, hearing in his tone of voice that silly little sly smile you hate so much. You huff as still with your back turned you don't even turn to look at him, knowing you couldn't help but melt under the gaze of his green eyes. You feel him coming up behind you, his chest brushing against your back as you see his hand reach for the book you've been reaching for for more than ten minutes. His presence behind you almost makes your knees give way.

The two of you have been playing this game for weeks now, provoking the other but at the same time neither of you seems to have the courage to take matters into their own hands and drag the other into your bedroom. A few days ago Sam realized how sensitive you are to the size difference between the two of you. You have never considered yourself short, you have always been average, but next to him you look little more than a smurf. He is literally a giant, and that doesn't mean he is merely tall, but because of the life you lead he has developed a lot of muscles in his arms and chest, as well as perfect abs, and that makes him imposing, and fuck if that isn't attractive. You get lost in thinking what it must be like to be under him, enclosed between his warm body and his bed, but almost immediately you are interrupted by a cough behind you. You turn and see him with a raised eyebrow looking at you amused. Now the two of you are face to face, or rather you have your face at his chest level, and in fact you have to look up to stare into his eyes.

The man in front of you seems to be quite amused by this, in fact he leans forward a little, thinking you would move for that movement, and instead you stand still, not showing weakness.

"Careful little one your neck will hurt if you keep holding it like that. Maybe we should buy a stepladder at least you'd be able to look me in the eye without any trouble." Says Sam, a breath away from your lips.

"You giant asshole, I swear I'll cut your balls off if-" You start to threaten him, but you are interrupted by a new voice. Castiel has just entered the room and is looking at you with a questioning expression before shouting.

"Dean they are doing it again." He says to the other hunter who immediately responds to the angel, threatening you as well.

"Home run before you see things you don't want to see. And you two stop circling around the fact that you want to fuck. There's too much sexual tension in the air and no one can take it anymore. You better find a solution or I swear I'll have the next witch I meet charm you." Says the brother of the man in front of you, from the kitchen, making both you and Sammy blush.

"Fuck you Dean." Sam manages to say, not looking you in the eye. Immediately you turn away from each other, going in different directions.

You arrive in your room, close the door, and lean against it as you take a breath of relief.

You can't deny that there is not that sexual tension between the two of you that Dean accuses you of, but at the same time you don't have the courage to take that extra step for fear of being rejected because treacherously you think Sam intends all that as a kind of game between the two of you, but nothing more. You stay for a moment thinking again about the feeling of his body so big and muscular against yours. You felt so small and helpless, and yet you were not afraid, in fact all your brain could process were rather spicy situations with the youngest of the Winchesters. Then suddenly you violently detach yourself from the door, as your mind was again training itself in those overly specific thoughts of what it would be like to be fucked by Sam, placed on all fours on his bed, while he on top of you, with his chest pressed against your back, holding the bed keyboard with one strong hand to make stronger, firmer thrusts. You get lost in thinking about what it must feel like to have his kisses on your bare back with the light beard he has, what one of his strong hands gripping one of your hips must feel like, or his cock pushing in. You decide it's time for a cold shower at the very moment you're left thinking about whether the size of his member is directly proportional to everything else, hoping that at least that might bring you back to your senses a little.

You've never been much of a person who likes to go to parties, but you certainly can't say no to a nice evening with your favorite people spent drinking and singing your favorite songs. By now it is very late and both Dean and Cas have gone to bed, no matter how much the last one doesn't sleep, but by now since they had declared themselves to each other they had created a routine, thanks to which the oldest of the Winchesters is finally able to sleep without nightmares. You are happy forni your friends, they both deserve the small portion of happiness that fate has reserved for them, and on the contrary you wish they had fi more. Since they've gone to bed, though, you and Sam are left alone, with more than ample amount of alcohol in your system, which is a bit dangerous considering the thoughts some days that led you to take a shower so cold that even penguins would beat their beaks for cold.

You and young Winchester spent those days avoiding each other, and when you couldn't, all you could do was avoid each other's gaze and not blush.

You remain silent again, enjoying that peace to which you are not very accustomed. You are sitting side by side, and you can't help but slowly move closer to his body, attracted by the warmth it produces.

It seems like hours go by, and maybe it's only a few minutes, but eventually he interrupts that state of stillness.

"Can I ask you a question?" Sammy asks, turning toward you, and you can't help but be a little annoyed by his question, but you nod as you down some more alcohol. He seems to consider what words to use.

"Have you ever thought of anything more than this between us?" The man asks, looking you in the eye. You pause with your glass in midair, petrified by that question. For a moment it crosses your mind that he has figured out how you feel about him, but then you look at him and see him waiting for your answer and realize that he is really only asking you out of pure curiosity.

"Why did you think of that?" You ask in turn defensively. You see him hesitate for a moment as you did a few seconds earlier, but eventually he flashes you a smile, regaining all the resourcefulness he has shown in this last period.

"Oh little one, I'm afraid I'd scare you if I told you all the things I've been thinking about doing with you." He says in a rough, sensual voice, and you immediately feel a shiver go down your spine. You feel him move closer to you, while you remain still, afraid that if you moved even a finger, this whole situation would vanish like a soap bubble. You think more than once that all this is a dream produced by the alcohol in your system, then you feel his lips on your neck and realize that it is all true.

"Well you could show me a couple of things you've imagined doing with me, and I'll tell you if they're the same things I've thought of." I say in a whisper, as he continues to nibble on my neck, leaving sweet kisses at times.

"You're going to fucking kill me sooner or later." Sam comments before standing up, and with a smooth, quick movement, hoisting me onto his shoulder. I let out a soft yelp, before starting to bombard him with threats and questions.

"Sam Winchester, let me go now! Where are you taking me?" I ask, trying not to give away that just that simple gesture that showcased his strength and how much bigger he was physically than you was turning you on.

"In the room, unless you want to be fucked here where anyone could walk in at any moment. I didn't take you for that kind of person, but we could always try it another time." He says chuckling, while you in response punch him lightly in the back. "Besides, from here I have a first-class view of your ass." He continues nonchalantly, and you can't help but blush.

"Sam!" You take him back, but he immediately doesn't give you time to continue.

"Little one, don't be an angel, because we both know how many times you've thought about doing dirty things with me, and you can't even lie because it was all over your face." Notices Sam, scolding you as one scolds a child who has eaten too much candy.

"Like you had a marble mask on, and you couldn't see all the times you looked at my boobs." You comment, as you try to figure out by now where you are, but the corridors of the bunker are all dark and you can't quite get your bearings.

"It's not my fault you have particularly nice tits." He replies, as if it were a given, and you can't help but laugh at the situation. Your laughter is interrupted, however, when Sam throws you onto what you recognize to be his bed.

The playful air that had been created disappears in an instant and gives way to a new tension, steeped in passion and mischief. The youngest Winchester slides all the way down your body until his plump lips are inches from yours. The feel of his body, so large compared to yours, is even better than you had imagined. He spends a few seconds teasing you, kissing all over your face and the area near your mouth, but he doesn't touch your lips a single time, until you slip your hands into his hair and force him to do so. He smiles against your lips, and when you pull away to get some air, he teases you.

"Someone is a little impatient, what can't you wait to feel my cock inside you anymore?" He asks rhetorically, while his hands begin working to remove the several layers of clothes you are wearing.

"All promises Winchester, it's time to keep them." You say, trying to answer him again in kind as pleasure begins to work its way through you.

"You'll regret this shamelessness little one, another time, not today, but next time I won't be as good to you as I will be this time."

Quickly he removes the few clothes you have on while you do the same to him, a little groggy from pleasure and a little from alcohol.

He kisses your neck, leaving red, biting marks as he slowly moves down to your breasts, to remove the bra you still have on. He takes one of your nipples in his teeth, while the other teases it with his hand.

Once he is done torturing your breasts, he goes down to your navel with his kisses and then gently bites your panties. A shiver runs through you again as you feel his lips graze the skin of your legs, while he stares into your eyes and pulls them off with such slowness that you feel faint before long at how hard your heart is beating.

"You better get moving Winchester." You try to threaten him, once he completely peels off the penultimate layer of clothing that stood between you and him, since he still has his boxers on.

"Or what small thing? I don't think you're in a position to threaten me." He comments amused, before returning to your center, and leaving sweet kisses all around in your inner thigh. You can't help but sigh as you slip a hand into his soft, long hair, trying to take him where you most desire.

"Fuck you." That's all you can say in response, and he can't help but laugh. Eventually Sam lets you guide him where you want him, and finally his lips meet those of your pussy. You can't help but let out a moan mixed with a scream as the man squeezes your clit between his teeth as he had done with your nipples earlier. With his tongue he continues to lick you, slowly increasing the pleasure.

Suasult when you also feel his fingers join in the torture, as he rhythmically works them into you. His fingers are long and big, enough to reach all the right places, and make you wriggle between the covers of the now unmade bed, making you clutch the sheet so tight you thought it would tear.

Eventually, faster than it had ever happened to you, you feel the orgasm coming, with the impetuosity of a wave ready to sweep whatever it meets in its path.

"Sam- fuck- please don't stop." You beg him, as you continue to move your hips under his mouth to create more friction.

"Oh my little one is cumming?" He asks, pulling away from you slightly.

"Sam, please." You beg him again as you run a hand through his hair again, and he can't help but moan as you do so.

He doesn't respond to you, but his actions speak for themselves as he again begins to lick your center as he speeds his fingers entering your pussy. A few minutes pass and you finally reach orgasm, and for a second you think you lose contact with the whole world. All you hear in your ears is blood pulsing, your eyes narrowed as your lips hold back a scream, while your hands continue to cling tightly to Sam's hair. Once you regain your breath and some clarity you stop and look at Sammy who is now looking at you seriously. Around your mouth you can still see the remnants of the otherworldly experience you just had.

"Are you okay?" He asks you as he licks his lips.

"Never felt better." You answer, as you signal for him to come up. He complies and comes with his face at the same height as yours. You kiss him softly, and he can't help but do the same. It is very different from the kiss you shared earlier, passionate and impetuous, but no less sensual and beautiful. Then suddenly you take him by surprise and reverse the situation by finding yourself on top of him.

"Now it's my turn to torture you a little." You whisper in his ear before moving down to his boxers. You slip them off him the same way he took off your underwear, which is with your teeth, and you hear him cursing as you brush against his now very obvious erection. Then unable to hold back you take his member with your hands, and like everything in your body it seems to be huge compared to you, but in this case you don't really know if it is your point of view or is objective. You tease his entire length with your tongue, before starting to suck lightly at the tip, while moving your hand along everything else you don't touch. Immediately his hand, almost as big as your head, gets stuck in your hair and begins to send you further and further down, at the pace he likes best. That's how Sam begins to fuck your mouth, at first slower, going steadily increasing, so that the last thrusts you feel his cock coming down your throat, and you can't help but get aroused when you feel the air miss you. He continues this game for a few minutes, until with a series of moans where he screams your name he doesn't cum in your mouth, and you swallow everything he gives you.

"That's my girl." Sammy comments as he catches his breath, but you see a spark in his eyes that tells you you're not even close to the end.

"So far we've been playing, now comes the main course." He continues, as again he reverses the situation, bringing you under him. You feel one of your thighs open, and with his knee he stimulates your pussy. Immediately you let out a scream that he silences with his lips. You begin to kiss more and more passionately as you feel him driving his cock in front of your entrance. The moment he is about to push in for the first time, you stop him by asking him a question?

"Are you sure it fits?" You ask slightly frightened by his size, and excited at the same time. He looks at you and chuckles a little, throwing his head into the crook of your neck.

"It's just that I've never had anyone so ...great, it's no laughing matter Winchester!" You continue, chuckling in turn. He kisses you gently on the nose before answering you.

"I promise in case it does you, you'll just have to tell me and we'll stop right away, okay?" He asks seriously, watching you as he moves a strand of hair away from your face. "Besides, I think the orgasm has prepared you well honey." He finishes by winking at you. He kisses you again but this one more gently, trying to distract you. You feel him enter you, and for a moment you think you have died and are in your own little piece of heaven.

"Are you okay little one?" Sam asks seeing your closed eyes and clenched fists holding the pillow.

"Oh God, Winchester you better move your ass and fuck me before I come at this exact moment." You whisper, as you release one hand to bring him to you and kiss him. You feel him begin to thrust in and out of you, picking up a rather fast pace as he stimulates one of your breasts with one hand and his lips are busy making more marks on your neck, lest he cry out your name in pleasure. You are not much better off, so much so that at one point you feel an iron taste of blood in your mouth from how much you bit your lips to keep Cas and Dean from hearing you. You keep moving in unison, seeking pure pleasure.

"God baby, you are so perfect. You don't know how much I've dreamed of having you under me, screaming my name, rocking your world." Sam comments, before kissing one of your breasts. "I love your body, so small compared to mine, so much that I'm afraid I'll break you every time I touch you, but at the same time so sinful that I can't stop myself from doing the worst sins they ever came up with even in hell."

You fail to respond too caught up in everything the boy is making you feel. You feel like it's the first time in years you've breathed again, the first time you've really tasted oxygen.

"Sam, please, I'm going to-" You are interrupted by a kiss from him.

"Me too baby." He replies after pulling away from your lips. "Your pussy is squeezing my cock so hard, I think I'm about to go crazy." He comments, and it seems that his words are the keys to reach again that already before, only with his fingers had you tasted, but that was but a paltry appetizer, this was of the magnitude of a wedding feast. Your whole body quivers with force, as your center, in pleasure, tightens even tighter around his size, making you feel the size of his member even more.

Just as Sam's words were for you, for him it seems that your orgasm triggers his, in fact when you finally seem to have regained some mental clarity, after spending several minutes with your mind clouded, drowsy with pleasure, you feel your womb being filled with his seed, and you have another orgasm, smaller than before, but still quite important.

It is some time before both of you have caught your breath, in each other's arms. You remain in silence enjoying the warmth of the naked body of the person you love by your side. Then without saying a word Sam moves to your side and encircles you with his arms, having spread a blanket over your uncovered bodies. You fall asleep within minutes, with a smile on your lips, both of you happy to be close to the one you love, and especially happy to know that the one you love loves you back.

BONUS (I can't help it, I love bonuses too much :) )

Dean sits at the kitchen table as Cas hands him a steaming cup of coffee. He thanks him with a whisper before sipping his drink in silence. The only noise in the room is that of the liquid slipping over his lips as the two lovers stare into the void, lost in their own thoughts. Eventually it is the angel who breaks the silence.

"We need to soundproof the rooms better." He comments, and Dean can make no more than a sound of approval. They had not slept a wink because of your shouting, and as happy as they were to know that now the tension between the two of you had been cleared up, they also did not want to hear how their nephew was created, since his brother and you had not made much effort to be quiet. And this was not the first time. Since you had come out to each other now almost a month ago, every night you had done nothing but shout each other's names in pleasure, so much so that often both Dean and Cas had decided to go for a drive, but they couldn't take it anymore.

"You're damn right." Dean says before taking another sip of coffee. "You know I almost preferred it when they hadn't come out, now I'm afraid to turn the corner and watch them procreate on the library table." Dean comments amused, finishing his drink as he sees his boyfriend shoot him a look and a smile.

"As if we never did." Cas says, laughing.

"But they don't know that." Dean replies, giving him a wink, then getting up and leaving a gentle kiss on his forehead and heading out of the room, obviously checking to make sure you are not in it.

TAGLIST

@laurennnomg @deanwinchestersgirl87 @samanddeansannoyingsis @ash04w3 @l3viathanpup @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @wafflezo @the-house-of-rose-and-ember @shodowbane09 @acidicpickle @supernatural-lvr

#hauntedwitch04's writing #kinktober 2023 #sam winchester x plus size reader #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester smut #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x reader smut #supernatural x reader #dean x castiel

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oh-babylove · 1 month

Text

~7k. copia/f!reader. explicit. established relationship, smut, filth and fluff. copia does date night, and you show him your appreciation-- it's only fair. mdni.

thanks to @copia for showing me how to put images in a grid-- top right image by instagram user susitse.art. @enjoy-my-swearing and @photiniainsummer, this one's for you. <3

when the red comes over you - ao3

rhrn spoilers. blowjobs, masturbation, dirty talk, light degradation, a small piece of light cum kink, a touch of hanky-panky in public, some thigh riding, face-fucking, fluff, tw: references to past sexual assault/dubious consent/sexual trauma

You’re holding the same pole on the subway car as Copia, his gloved hand over yours, swaying with him, forced into his space by the crowd. It gives you an excuse to stand close to him, in the circle of his scent like cold smoke. You're not complaining– well, not much. Keeping your balance is a bit of a challenge– you aren't used to doing this in heels, even these modest Cuban heels. Riding the subway truly is riding, the rhythmic thrum of the rails swaying up your body, through the balls of your feet. Riding the train feels like riding a living thing.

“I like this,” you say, as if coming to a decision.

“Hnn?” Copia replies, raising an eyebrow as he looks down at you.

“Riding the train. I like it.” You lean in to murmur in his ear, not that you have far to go. It’s a matter of tilting your head until you can feel the warmth of his skin against your cheek. “But I’d like riding you even more.” It’s just the kind of cheesy nonsense that you’re both into.

Your body keeps brushing against his– a particularly hard bump has your belly pressed against his erection, and his choked-off gasp scores a direct hit to your brain stem, bypassing your ears, cinching something tight around your diaphragm. His hand tightens on your hip, possessive. Holding you up, keeping your balance.

“You little minx,” he hisses, frustrated--with a ragged edge of delight. “You wait till I get you home.”

“You caint blame that on me, now, that was the train,” you say, but you're close to laughing, yourself. You can hear your accent getting thicker, but damned if you can stop it. Besides, Copia loves it, loves ruffling your feathers enough that he can get you to slide back into that slurring hillfolk drawl. Someday he might even make you less self-conscious about it.

Truth be told, you’ve been practically vibrating since before you left the apartment, restless and swollen between the legs, a low-grade ache that Copia has not been helpful with.

(The apartment. Your apartment. Yours, plural, now, you think. You’d never been a co-religionist of his, and he’d had a toothbrush at your place for a long time. Then a drawer in your dresser. Then he’d brought over his best frying pan, his best chef knife– simply because he couldn’t stand it, gattina, you cook with that? And now there’s as many of his books as yours on the shelves– shelves you put up with your own hands while he did ‘the heavy lookin’ on.’ His name isn’t on the lease, but he paid the rent for the next two months anyway. In full.

When you tried to fight him on it, he’d just shrugged. “Babydoll, I’ve been here more nights than I haven’t for the last four months, this is just… ehh, consider it backdated, yeah?” He’d kissed your forehead. “We can do half each after that. If you haven’t gotten sick of your dirty old man by then.”

It was hard to argue with that.

Copia kept his room at the Ministry, even after his… promotion. His term as Imperator, he’d decided, would be more hands off. You’d talked about it a little. Mostly in bed, sweaty and spent and a little sticky. “Mister Psaltarian is more than capable of running most of it. The administrative things. I’m better with the ghouls, I think, but there’s Kevin, and Ashley, they have it well in hand. I want the new guy to– to be able to be his own man, yeah? I’ll show him the ropes, of course, answer any questions he has, but he doesn’t need me looking over his shoulder all the damn time.”

The new guy. Hell of a way to refer to his long-lost brother. “And you ain’t ready to be around him twenty-four seven just yet.”

“...And that. Yes.” He was quiet for a moment. “You’re too perceptive, gattina. Keep it up and I’ll have to fuck you again, till you don’t think so good.”

“So… you sayin’ you gone fuck my brains out? Say, you ever notice that your man Psaltarian loses his train of thought whenever Kevin comes into the room?”

“That’s it, back in the handcuffs with you. And remember, you brought this on yourself.”)

As ever, he’d insisted on doing your makeup. (It should have been your first clue that you were in for it.) It only makes sense-- he’s better at it than you’ve ever been, and he loves doing it. You love it, too, if you’re honest. He had to take his gloves off for it, to hold your chin firmly and keep you in place. It was terribly intimate, his breath ghosting over your lips, the skin of his hand against your cheek. His quiet, gentle command held something still in the center of you, made it sing like a struck tuning fork– a calm vibration that sank into your bones. The cool brush of the eyeliner on the delicate skin of your eyelids. How meticulous he’d been, how precise. That calm focus he brings to everything that he cares about. How his whole being focused on that point, painting cat eyes sharp enough to kill a man.

Your lipstick had been worse, barely holding your mouth open, the brush sliding over the curve of your cupid’s bow, stretching out your lower lip ever so slightly. You hadn’t even known they’d made brushes for lipstick. Copia has taught you so many things.

Copia knows just what shades of red match your skin tone, knows just how to bring out the color of your eyes. He knows, too, the best cut of a dress to accentuate your figure, to flatter your curves. This one was lovely, shaping your breasts, with a little bit of flare to the skirt. He bought you this dress, these heels. This lingerie. He’s taught you how to fasten a silk stocking to a garter belt, that the underwear goes on over the garters, not underneath.

He’d taken the liberty of fastening your stockings tonight. “So the back seam is straight, gattina. I know it’s tricky to get right on your own, yes? Let me help.” His hands, his clever fingers, so high up on your thighs, his face level with your pussy.

“Oh yeah, sweetness, you're helping something, alright,” you choked out, a little strangled.

He must have seen how wet you were already, if the self-satisfied hum he made behind you was any indication. He bit the crease of your ass, just lightly, making a goofy little rawr noise that made you actually giggle.

Embarrassing, the noises he gets out of you.

“You shaved,” he said, and it was supremely gratifying to hear him a little hoarse, himself.

“Did you wanna do that, too?”

“Hnn. We’d miss our reservation.” He wasn't moving from his place on his knees behind you. “Miss the show.”

“Sound like you're enjoying this show purt’ well,” you said, but you thought it best to step into your underwear, anyway.

Pain shared is pain lessened, isn't it?

…He didn't need to know that you only kept them on for a couple of minutes, just until you used the bathroom one last time on the way out the door.

You almost never know in advance where exactly Copia will take you when it's his turn to plan date night- generally your only clue is what clothing he picks out for you, how he does your makeup, if makeup is required. You've ranged over the city hitting up obscure museums before, taken tours in the underbelly of the public transportation system, gone to aviaries and magic shops and tiny greenhouses.

(You like to think you hold your own. Dive bars and twenty four hour diners, sidewalk art festivals and night markets, one memorable instance of a graffiti lesson– that had been an unexpected delight.

Your man can be blisteringly uncool sometimes– most of the time, even– but there's no snobbery in him. No fear, either, not in the way most people are afraid: of embarrassing themselves, saying the wrong thing, of looking like a jackass. He hadn't been good at it, but he threw himself into the attempt wholeheartedly, listened to the man in the baggy jeans with the paint-stained fingers explain technique and theory and the history of the medium with total attention and enthusiasm.

Never will you reach the bottom of him. His openness and his generosity and his good, good heart.)

Dinner and a show is almost a little pedestrian, for him, but there's comfort in the classics. A bar paneled in blond wood and washed in warm light, specializing in rare vinyls piped in on a very serious sound system as much as the cocktails.

He’d been very good, kept his knee between yours, but otherwise, hadn’t even tried to put a hand up your skirt– a rarity, with him. His eyes told a different story, watching you with obvious, predatory hunger. The second time you caught him ogling your cleavage he leaned into it, dragging his eyes salaciously down your body with enough force that you nearly felt his gloves snagging on your skin.

The cheeky motherfucker actually licked his lips at you.

You barked out your unlovely laugh, and the way he grinned took the sting out of the sharp glances cast your way– the aim was to listen to the obscure bossa nova, not to your fellow patrons. Your face was hot. “Ah, gattina, you cannot blame a man for looking. Not when you are as ravishing as that.” It wasn’t helping the heat in your face.

A glance at the mirror over the bar, old and pitted and a little smoky, the perfect self-aware touch of authenticity. You’d never have recognized the woman looking back, not when you first met Copia, this exquisite creature with perfect makeup. Sharp. Sexy.

You don’t hate it.

“...Y’outdid yourself,” you said, slow. You didn’t look real to yourself, this absolute pinnacle of femininity. Copia’s gaze softened, warmed, less the slavering predator and more– a naked adoration that was hard to look at.

(Of course, neither expression was comparable to the first time he’d put you in an exquisitely tailored three-piece suit. You’d thought the man was going to pass out from how quickly his blood rushed south– but that’s a story for another day.)

He crowded your space, just this side of indecent, his knee halfway between your thighs. Copia fed you little morsels from his own fork of– whatever this was. A vaguely mediterranean inspired amuse-bouche. He took his time with it, making you duck your head while the cool tines slid against your lower lip. You kept his eyes for it, moving slow, relishing the way his mouth hung open.

It’s a little much, in public, truly.

You weren’t even sure what you were eating, something perfectly balanced with rich cream, phyllo dough, an acidic tang. Spanakopita when it’s got a Michelin star or two, you thought. Copia’s little shudder at your groan of appreciation didn’t escape your notice, but you managed to keep the smugness out of your expression with truly heroic effort.

From there, it was a short taxi ride with his gloved hand heavy on your knee, Copia keeping up a stream of polite chatter that you barely heard a word of. He’d gotten box seats in a lovely little jewel box of a theatre, for a revival of a classic two-man existential tragicomedy starring a couple of aging comedic actors known for their roles in a cultural zeitgeist film from around the turn of the last century.

It was a good effort, all told, and the actors weren’t bad– they had a chemistry borne out of twenty years of friendship that’s impossible to replicate. But Copia proved that he’s a true and faithful servant of the Devil somewhere around the start of the second act, when he peeled a glove off with his teeth.

Your chest went tight.

No wonder he wanted box seats, you thought, as he settled his hand back on your knee. Like it belonged there, like he had perfect possession of it, every right to edge just under the hem of your skirt.

(His hands-- you love his hands. He’s self-conscious about the hair on the back of them, the dusting of freckles. Large and well-made and skilled, seeing them is like sharing a secret. A gift. He’s squeamish about textures, too sensitive, the slightest scrape will make him shudder-- and not in a fun way. Sandpaper would be torture. Anything gelatinous is right out. You get used to the constant grime and the vague awareness of filth you get on your hands, living in a city. It’s not so bad, for you, you invest in hand sanitizer and don’t touch your face. It’s the price you pay for living in a place with something like a subway, where things pulse and hum and never truly sleep, to be a microbe in the gut of this beast of a city, to be a tiny cog in the great machine.

You love it here. You didn’t think you would. Hell, you didn’t think you could. “It’s growing on me,” you told Copia one day, cool as you like, as if you weren’t giving anything away. “A little.”

“You have no talent for bullshit, babydoll,” he said, both dry and terribly fond.)

All of your awareness focused on the soft warmth of him enveloping your knee, the rough scrape of his calluses on the inside of your thigh– a new sensation, he’s taken the acoustic guitar back up recently. Not moving, just–holding.

You kept your eyes forward, and your breathing even.

His thumb slid over your kneecap, absentmindedly tracing little circles. Your legs fell open a little wider, just so your thighs weren’t touching. You were terribly, achingly aware of the air on your cunt.

A soft stroke back and forth, a gesture that could have been reflexive, thoughtless– if it wasn’t for the beatific expression on his face, his eyes forward and too-innocent. It would have been more convincing if he hadn’t been inching his slow way upwards, featherlight touches, tracing up and back down, up and back down. Just a millimeter higher each time. An agonizingly slow drag, a glacial pace.

Your grip tightened on the armrest.

Copia leaned forward, his breath in your ear. “Why, gattina,” he purred. “I do not think you are even paying attention to the play.”

“You are,” you managed, “a real sunnavbitch, you know it?”

He only chuckled low, and ran his touch to the top of your thigh. The side of his hand brushed up against your wet cunt and you both gasped.

“You little slut,” he hissed, with obvious pride. “So eager for me already.”

He dragged the very tip of one finger up between your lips, so slick it was almost frictionless, pulling away just before he could touch your clit. You took a ragged breath that was nearly a whine, bereft at the loss of his touch. You felt your cunt clench over nothing, an involuntary contraction.

Copia hummed in mock-sympathy, and took mercy on you, cupping your whole cunt with his broad hand, steady and even pressure that was nowhere near enough, but at least took a little of the edge off.

His middle finger slid naturally between your labia majora, and settled there, his fingertip crooked so he could just barely feel the inside of you.

The bastard stayed that way for the rest of the performance, sometimes giving you a gentle squeeze, sometimes pulling away to slide his fingertip back up to circle your clit. Just often enough to keep your attention focused where he wanted.

Evil, evil man.

Copia retracted his hand before the lights went up, giving you one final squeeze. He kept your eyes as he brought his hand up to his face, inhaled deeply, and surreptitiously licked his palm before fitting his hand back into his glove for the applause.

“Play weren’t that bad,” you said, weakly. “No call to do- alla that.”

“Oh? Didn’t you tell me you had a crush on the– which was it, the one with the dark hair– as a little girl? You want to wait around, go to the stage door, get an autograph?” All innocence, all the accommodating boyfriend.

“I revise my previous opinion. You are the Lebron James of being a sunnavabitch.” Despite your discomfort in heels, you couldn’t drag him to the train home fast enough.

So now, here you are. You shiver a little, in this hot and humid subway car, remembering. You bite your lip and can taste the wax of your lipstick.

Copia sees it, of course he does, how your eyes go just a little glazed. He smirks a terribly self-satisfied smirk. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Oh, this’d cost you at least a dollar. Maybe five nintey-nine.”

“Inflation is just outrageous these days. Highway robbery. I’m shocked.”

“Not yet, you aren’t.”

“You are talking a big game, babydoll. Be careful, I think, ehh-- your mouth is writing checks your ass can’t cash.” His hand heavy on your hip, almost indecent. His boot between your shoes, the sweet curve of his thigh displacing your skirt. He’s so close, so warm and solid. The train is packed, but he’s all you can see, all you can feel. His breath in your ear, pitched low. “Your pussy can’t cash.”

It’s all you can do to keep yourself from grinding on his thigh in the middle of the train. “Sweetness,” you croak out. “We’re in public.”

He leans back, conciliatory. Terribly smug. The world fades back in. You catch a teenager in a hoodie smirking at the two of you, a direct and uncomfortable gaze that feels more taboo in this city than even the way your hips keep shifting, restless. You feel almost drunk, stepping into the warmth of his body and his hard cock between your hip and your belly, a little vindictive, relishing his frustrated little grunt in your ear.

“Two more stops, gattina,” he murmurs, as much for his benefit as yours. You see his adam’s apple bob as he swallows. “We can make it.”

“Mm-hmm,” you manage.

He drags you roughly by your elbow off the train, in a way that has your fellow passengers actually making a faint murmur of disapproval at the way he growls. He might be leaving a bruise on your arm. Can’t be helped. You’re laughing up the stairs, your heels loud on the concrete and metal, giddy, just this side of hysterical.

He’s clumsy with the keys when you get to your apartment building, following you up the stairs so he can look up your skirt. “Can’t believe– I watched you put those on.”

“You just mad you didn’t get to watch me take ‘em off.”

He’s on your neck like a lamprey when you get to your door, and now it’s your turn to be clumsy while you paw through your purse, his hot wet mouth insistent, just under your ear, his teeth grazing your skin. His hands firm on your breasts, pushing the neckline of your dress down so he can fill his hands with them, gripping almost hard enough to hurt. He’s trapping you against the door, grinding into your ass while you fumble with the lock.

“What’re you– you tryna fuck me in the hallway?” you gasp. He’s reaching up your skirt now, his bare palm at the top of your stocking. When did he take his gloves off?

“I will,” he growls, “if you don’t hurry the fuck up.”

You somehow make it in the door without breaking the key off in the lock, and you give him just enough time to slide the bolt home before you’re shoving him onto the couch. You’re in his lap just as quick, your mouth on his, nearly biting him as he laughs into your mouth. Christ, you didn’t even get out of your heels.

He’s warm under you, solid muscle under a sweet softness around the middle, and you can’t unbutton his shirt fast enough. His tongue in your mouth is making you clumsy, making it hard to keep track of how buttons work, shorting out basic motor functions. When you make it, you groan at his fur under your palms, and then he shoves his thigh between your legs and you whine when you grind your wet cunt against it. You have to break off from his mouth for it, clinging to his shoulders.

Your lipstick is all over Copia’s face. He’s grinning, rapt, delighted, impossibly fond. The man’s face is so pink it looks like he’s been slapped around. “Good, eh?” He pushes his thigh forward again, his hand up your dress and on your ass. “You like that?” He’s pulling you into it, making you drag your cunt over his tight jeans. The seam running down the front of his thigh hits your clit and you gasp. “So fucking desperate you need to hump my leg, filthy little thing.”

You roll against him once or twice more, because he’s right, it feels so good, those long runner’s thighs, the coiled power of him. That hard muscle and rough fabric against you, his body between your knees, so warm and familiar and beloved.

But his smirk is just a little too smug for your taste, so you have to make yourself stop before you fall too deep into a rhythm. Even if you actually hurt with being so turned on for so long. You get his shirt the rest of the way open, have to bend your head to suck a nipple into your mouth– the terrible brand over his heart level with your eyes– and bite. It’s not hard, but it does raise his back off the couch, and distract him from you eeling down between his legs to kneel on the floor.

“Oh, fuck,” he says, looking down at you, knowing (some of) what you have in mind.

Your hand is on his belt buckle, and the sheer Pavlovian reaction you have to the sound of undoing it with one hand forces you to press your cheek to his thigh and focus on your breathing for a moment.

You laugh, shaky. You left an actual wet spot on his jeans.

Copia’s hand is in your hair, fingernails running along your scalp, soothing, grounding you. “Baby?” he asks. “Babydoll, are you alright? We don’t have to–”

“No.” You catch your breath, look back up at him, and his mismatched eyes go from soft and sweet to almost afraid, when he sees your expression. The hunger there– you could eat him alive. “No, I was just– too turned on, for a second.”

“Oh.” He pets at you again, then his smile turns predatory as he sweeps your hair up in one hand and pulls tight. “Then why don’t you get to sucking my cock, puttana?”

Just for that, you lean up and bite at his belly, the sweet furry softness just below his navel. You laugh with a mouthful of his flesh at his yelp, how it turns into a groan as you unzip his jeans and take him in hand.

It isn’t as if you aren’t intimately (haha) familiar with his dick, but it’s always nice to see. You’d called it pretty, the first time you’d slept with him, and it really is an accurate description. (It had been emotional for a great many reasons, but that had touched him in ways he still couldn’t articulate.) Silky soft skin over the hard length of him, his head already shiny with precum. It’s the same color as his lips, under the paint.

“You see what you do to me, gattina?” he murmurs above you. “You wreck me. You’ve ruined me– or at least these pants.”

“It’ll come out in the wash,” you say, and take him into your mouth, slow suction, tasting salt. He fills your mouth, fills your hand, blood-warm and firm in your grip. You watch his eyes when you start to suck him down, loving, as you always do, how in that first moment he looks at you, whimpers at you, like you're breaking his heart.

You hear the dry click of him swallowing as you pull the soft skin of his cock further towards your mouth, your grip twisting, the slow churn of it. How his veins give under your lips, under your hand. It doesn’t take long to get him slick, the thick ridge of the underside of him heavy on your tongue. The musk of him fills your whole senses, thick and animal and a little gross.

His hips shift, and before you have to pull yourself off of him to tell him to talk, he’s doing what you want. “Look at you,” he breathes, reverent. “You’re so good at this, fucking made for this,” a twitch upwards, a movement too small to be called a thrust, “aren’t you? Born for this, your god made you to suck my cock. My perfect– ohh– perfect little cocksucker. Want it so bad, don’t you?”

His hand is heavy on the back of your skull, pushing you down with that even, steady pressure just how he likes. How you both like. “Don’t worry. I’ll give it to you, give you what you want.” He’s not choking you with it, you have plenty of room to work with your hand. Still, as you take him down further, swallowing around the thick length of him, you feel hot tears running down your cheeks, sheer dumb animal reaction. You slip your other hand to cradle his slick balls, rolling them gently, the weight of them a little cooler than the rest of his body. He makes a strangled noise, an “Ohh fuck, baby, babydoll, so good for me, so good to me, fuck, fuck–!”

His stutter and his loss of control are just too much, finally, you feel the air of the apartment cool at the top of your slick thighs, your swollen cunt, and you have to do something about it. You take your hand from his balls and slide it up your skirt, slowly enough to feel your silk stockings under your fingertips, slow enough that Copia catches it.

Just as you register how fucking wet you are, his eyes go wide and his hips shudder, the smooth hot head of his cock hitting the back of your throat.

Your grip tightens on the base of his cock, a warning. You freeze, staring blank and unseeing at his soft belly, before looking up at him imploringly. “Okay,” he says, gentling you like a frightened horse. His big hand moving in your hair. “Okay. But baby,” he's nearly whining as you slowly suckle on the head of him, faint living salt in your mouth, “I know you want it, you’re too fucking good at that to not want it, I. Ohhh.” His hand grips tight in your hair as you swallow around him, thick and hot on your tongue. “Oh, fuck.”

You’re finding your pace on his cock again, a little faster, your hands working in time on his cock, on your clit. Freshly shaved like this, you’re fantastically, impossibly slippery. “Ohh, fuck. Oh, sweet Satan. Oh my dear Lord Below.” Copia absolutely doesn’t know what he’s saying, he so rarely gets outright religious on you. It’s an unspoken courtesy you’ve extended to each other, so to hear him break it sends a smug little charge through you. You whimper a little around his cock, give yourself a little more pressure on your clit. He can’t keep still, not all the way, even though you know he’s trying, making little aborted movements of his hips.

Copia swallows. It’s remarkable how you can see him trying to pull himself together. “Knew you loved this,” he says, his voice creaking. “Can’t be that good at something if you don’t love it. Didn’t know you loved it this much, gattina.” A little more pressure on the back of your skull, his nails scraping your scalp. He isn’t exactly holding you down, but he isn’t letting you pull off, either. “Never had my cock sucked this good, never even had a man suck my cock this good, thought I liked that better, before you came along. Had so many people suck this cock–” and that hurts, a hot bolt of pain and arousal that hits your heart and your clit at the same time. Your pace falters, and it must show, because Copia slows as well.

It’s a sore spot. You know that his own inverted form of celibacy in the Ministry included a certain implied… availability that could be, charitably, unpleasant for him at times. Clergy take no wives, no husbands, but give themselves freely to their congregation. You haven’t pushed him on the things that happened to him, he usually insists it was fine, expected, normal– but you generally have to go for a long walk and break something after you talk about it. You know, too, that he had positive experiences there, genuinely caring relationships. It doesn’t exactly help matters that your own knowledge of partnered sex, before Copia, falls radically short of the mean for someone in your age group.

All of that goes through your head in a flash, and he knows it, he can read you so well, even between one stroke of his cock and the next. “Only– didn’t know you’d have a natural talent at this.” Petting at you, soothing, his thumb moving tender on your cheekbone. “Remember, how I had to teach you how to kiss, those hours in the park.” You make a noise on him, not sure if this is helping. “Loved that, babydoll, loved doing that with you, teaching you, drove me wild.” He’s murmuring low to you, his voice a little rough, a little too exposed. “But I– I was ready for you to bite it off, the first time you went down.”

Awkward thing, laughing with a mouth full of dick. But he keeps going. “I didn’t know, my baby. I didn’t know how it could feel. Didn’t know how good it could be.” He twitches in your mouth, in time with a tiny movement of his hips, so warm and alive in you. “Taught you how to kiss, but babylove, I swear I felt like a virgin when you took me to bed.” His voice is low and wrecked for different reasons than it was before, and oh no, his eyes are wet.

You let go of him, turn your head to wipe your mouth on your shoulder, quick and perfunctory. You can't take your eyes from him. "Sug," you say, unsure how to continue, the twisting in your chest too much for words, beyond anything you could articulate with language. Your knees creak a little as you start to get up, to do what you don't know. Kiss him or touch him or say something, anything, to the way he's looking at you.

Copia pushes you back down, his hand heavy at the back of your neck. His thumb slots right at the base of your skull, right where he likes to keep it when he kisses you. “No, no, you’re too good at this, I wouldn’t interrupt an artist.” Back in some semblance of control. “You’re too good, you make me feel too good, show me. Will you--? Please, baby, will you show me how it can be good--?"

"Well," you say, pumping slow at his cock. "I can try." You press a tiny kiss to the head of him, too sweet for the situation, relishing the way he shivers. You take him in, how his hair is a disaster, sticking up in the back, his shirt open, your makeup smeared all over his face, his body, the parts of his thighs that you can reach. His pupils are blown wide, his eyes a little glazed, his lips swollen from the way you kissed them and the way he's bitten them. He's wrecked, and he's yours.

You love him. With all your heart, all your mind, and, you're afraid, all your soul. It hurts to look at him, you think he might sear your eyes right out of your skull.

You close your eyes against it, at how it stings, and nuzzle into the silky skin of his cock. Copia's belly is soft, warm, furred, delightfully sticky under your touch, as you run your hand up the front of him, up until you're cupping the sweet curve of his pectoral, until you can feel the cruel scar of his branding under the pads of your fingers. You trace over it, mapping the vector of those interlocking sixes. You feel his pulse under your palm, under your lips. You drag your mouth back and forth, just to feel the soft, delicately crenelated skin, the coolness of his flesh here soothing your feverishness.

Copia makes a tiny wounded noise as his hand presses over yours. As if he could press his heart into your hand. He’s better at language than you’ve ever been, but you can see it falter and fail for him. All you know how to do is– action. It feels inadequate, somehow.

Your dear man. He sees you, and raises your hand to press a kiss to your knuckles in a courtly gesture. It should be absurd, with you on your knees for him, with the delicate skin of his cock against your mouth. Somehow, it isn’t, the alchemy of his tenderness conveying exactly what he means. What you mean, with the most vulnerable part of him between your teeth. “D’you want me to take you to bed, babydoll?”

“No,” you say, pulling off of him long enough to murmur it against his slick head. “Later, maybe. If you’re up to it. Right now, I want–” It’s easier to wrap your lips around him again, to tell him that way. You’re more eloquent with your mouth this way than you ever were with language.

“Alright,” he says, almost a gasp, as he returns your hand to you. “Touch yourself for me?” Almost pleading. As if your pleasure were a favor to bestow on him. “I want– wanna see you get off, my baby, wanna see how much you love doing this. So fucking hot–” His voice breaks off into a whine as you pull him further into your mouth.

His big hand on your head, stroking your hair back, so sweetly. “Do you want me to be a little mean? I know you like that.”

You moan around his cock in an unmistakable affirmative, rut a little harder into your hand, plead with your eyes.

Copia’s smile turns sharp, wicked. “My perfect little cocksucker.” The deep affection in his voice belies the words. “Perfect little cumslut.” Your hand is already back between your legs, and you might– might– be moving your hips a little more theatrically than strictly necessary.

He holds the back of your neck, the base of your skull, his grip tight. Just this side of painful. “You know how to tap out. How to get me to stop.” He pushes you down on him as he tilts his hips up to you, not quite cutting off your air. “But you’re not gonna do that, are you?”

Copia licks his lips. He looks feverish, making shallow little thrusts into your mouth. “No, you. Ohh, you like this too much.” He’s so careful, even like this, testing just how hard he can thrust, finding your limit and pushing just past it before backing down. It makes you moan, makes you shiver, makes your hand speed up on your cunt in time with the way he’s pushing into your throat.

“Cruel to me,” he croons, as he uses your mouth. “Keeping that sweet little pussy from me.” He’s panting. “I can hear it, hear how wet you are.” As he says it, you realize you can, too, the wet noise in counterpoint to the sound of you working his cock. “M’gonna make you pay for it. Hope you’re ready, gonna eat you out till m’hard again.” He’s got both hands on your head now, and he’s too far into you for you to use your hand on him.

“You’ll. Hnn. You’ll need me to, to eat you out. Make you cum on my face.” If it weren’t for the sheer adoration in his eyes, this would be brutal, the way he’s pushing into your throat. The speed of your hand on your clit. Moving with him, point and counterpoint. “Fuck, I’m gonna wreck it, gonna split your pretty little cunt open– I’ll last longer, after I cum down your throat.” You whine around his cock, your cunt clenching on nothing, shivering against your hand.

Copia sounds like he’s in pain. It feels like he can’t stop himself, the way his hips are working. “Gattina,” he whines, helplessly. “Can’t– can’t last much longer, you looking at me like that.” You can feel him trembling under your touch. “D’you. You want it?” Movements a little more shallow, holding himself in check. “You want this cum in your mouth?” A rough, jagged thrust. “Little slut–!” he hisses, and he’s not quite too far gone to grin in smug delight at the way you moan in reaction.

“Gonna cum like this?” he croons, taunting. His white eye bores into you, too bright, and he looks crazed. Deranged. It’s almost frightening, the way you can’t look away from it. Your eyes burn, hot tears on your cheeks, and you couldn’t stop rubbing your cunt if you tried. The way he’s watching you, the way he sees just how turned on you are by him using you like this. Like it’s shameful. “From me fucking your slut mouth like a little cocksleeve.” His voice is creaking, nearly out of control. “You want this cum? You want it? Hmm?”

You’re hanging on by a thread, your nerves strung out like piano wire, helpless before him. Your jaw hurts, his hand so tight in your hair. “Then take it.” He’s beckoning you over the edge, chanting, rapt. “Take it, take my cum, take my fucking cum–” he rasps, knowing exactly what will set you off, will snap the bright line of you.

You see his smile as you break, whining around his cock. How he lights up at it, overjoyed, crooked and tender. You hold his eyes the whole time, giving him as much of it as you can, letting him see all of it, the shining abyssal affection that crashes through your body for him, catching your nerve endings like fire through tinfoil.

“Ohh–! Precious,” he says, almost crying, “my precious girl, my baby, my–” his voice breaks on your name, the syllables like a song, like a prayer, like something more than holy, like the shahada, like the shema, like it's the last thing that he knows. You never knew your name until he held it in his mouth like this, at the uttermost end of himself. He’s flooding over your tongue, slick and bitter. Like the first jet from the fountain in school, sun-warmed metal, iron from the earth, living water.

His cock jumps in your mouth, and you’re shaking, trembling through your aftershocks and his as you swallow all of him, pull all of him into you, watching his eyes and his blissed out expression until his voice does– something wrecked. “You–!” he gasps, delighted. “C’mere, come up here, you’re too– too far away–” he’s pulling at you, babbling, delirious, so soft now.

Copia’s pulling you up, into his arms, his lap, too quick for you to wipe his cum and your spit from your mouth. “Dunno if I like it, you that far away, wanna feel your pretty little body when you cum, you–” And then he’s kissing on you, shivering, laughing, little pecks along your jawline till he reaches your mouth. He makes a deep, appreciative groan when he tastes himself on your lips. He pulls back to look at you, almost scandalized in delight.

You have to laugh at him. For once you can’t be bothered to be self-conscious about it. “Oh, I do like that,” he murmurs, almost to himself, before he dives back in, like he has to get all of it. You’re still shaky, a fine shiver all down your spine. He’s almost clumsy, licking into your mouth, a real rarity for him. You try not to feel too smug about it.

You can’t stop smiling, when you finally get your mouth back. “Acceptable, then?”

“So good. Every time, I can’t believe–” he’s nuzzling at you, his nose against yours, totally uninhibited in his affection. “So perfect, so sweet, love you so much, thank you, thank you, baby–” Nonsense babble. Incoherently effusive. He scoops your legs across his lap and runs his hands over all of your skin that he can reach. “Perfetta…sei perfetta. Angioletto,” he murmurs, and you shiver. You haven’t heard that one in a while. “Angioletto mio,” he’s saying, into your hair, your skin, and it’s rare that you blow him all the way back to Italian. “Sei tutto ciò che voglio del Paradiso.” You’re a little too fucked-out to parse that all the way, but it still snags in your heart a little.

(He knows, usually, how you still aren’t used to being loved on this much. You know he restrains himself, tries not to overwhelm you. It breaks your heart, sometimes, when you see him hold himself back, even as his consideration makes you warm.)

Now, though, it’s good. It’s perfect. His pants are half off, his dick out, ridiculous. You think you might have snapped a garter, and you definitely put ladders in these stockings. You couldn’t give less of a shit. You loop your arms around his shoulders and bury your face in his neck, letting out a deep, contented sigh.

Copia’s still petting you– appropriate enough. You feel like a cat in a sunbeam, even supremely disheveled like this.

He squeezes you lightly, again, and makes a little noise in the back of his throat. “The, enh– the talking. It wasn’t too much?” Like he’s shy, all of a sudden.

“Noo!” You have to pull back to look up at him. “No, holy shit, sweetness, it was inspired. Even for you! Hot damn, baby. ‘Cocksleeve,’ where did that come from?”

“Ehh– a couple of times, there, I’m, ah. Not even sure I remember what I was saying.” Is he blushing? It’s adorable.

“No, it was great. I’d tell you if it weren’t, honeybunch.” You lean your head back against him, boneless and warm all the way through. “Naw, this was awesome. Ten outta ten, go Team Us.” You hold up your hand for a high-five, and your sweet man, he’ll never leave you hanging– the slap rings loud through your living room.

He tilts his head back onto the couch, looking up at the Devil’s Ivy crawling over your bookshelves. “Although,” he says, slow, considering. “I do seem to recall that I promised you I was gonna make you cum on my face.”

“And split my pussy open,” you remind him. “Or was you writing checks your dick can’t cash?”

“Babydoll, don’t you know by now?” He’s turning back to look at you, his mismatched eyes full of predatory adulation. “The Devil always keeps his promises.”

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replenaryindulgence · 24 days

Text

Before the Light

Azriel x Calida (ka-lee-duh)/Reader

Summary: After getting lost in the woods on a camping trip and finding herself in an unfamiliar land, 22-year-old Cal must decide what she's willing to do to get back to her life if she still wants it.

Word count: 5.5k

Warnings: Panic, creepy guy in the woods

a/n: I know there’s a lot of backstory, I promise it’s worth getting through! I really wanted to set the stage and for you to get to know our MC.

I didn't intend for this to be so long, but d*mn my little hamster brain kept running on that wheel!!! The MC's name might seem a little strange, it's of Irish origin & I thought it was pretty and unique. Also, she's a redhead because so am I and me plus Azriel equals two (iykyk). Plz let me know what you think! Thinking about throwing in a slight love triangle moment with Morrigan eventually because how dramatic would that be & because our reader might be a little bi aren't we all? Strap in!!!

I'll try to update this as soon as I can! It might be a week or so. (P.S. my asks are always open! Thanks for bearing with me while I relearn how to use tumblr lol)

Chapter 1

“I don’t think we’re doing this right. No, definitely not, this piece is supposed to bend across that one.”

“You suck at this An,” Jack threw back.

“I suck at this? You didn’t get it right either asshole,” Annie quipped.

You shook your head, amused by the twins struggling to put together the first tent. The ground beneath the large pines was littered with dried needles, perfect for kindling. Circling around, you collected them into your jacket pocket.

“You hearing this, Cal?” Jack called out to you.

Turning to face your friends, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“You guys are ridiculous,” You threw back, reaching for a small pine cone at your feet and rolling it in your palm.

You walked back and tossed your growing pile of fire-starter near the center of the clearing. It was still a few hours from dusk, but the hike had been long and you were eager to set up and be done with it. Jack and Annie were tasked with the tents while Brooke gathered rocks for the fire pit and scouted the area, something about checking for bears. A ridiculous idea, you had thought, though if you trusted anyone here with your life it was probably Brooke. Your guess was she wanted to get away from the bickering for a while.

The sweat from the hike still clung to your skin, sitting sticky and uncomfortable beneath your jacket. It’s much cooler now than it had been on the trip in. You touched the back of your hand to your nose to warm it. The sun’s rays peeked through the ever-rising pines, and you welcomed the sparse heat. Closing your eyes, you tilted your head back and let the afternoon look at you. Your feet shuffled slightly until light touched your face, and vibrant red filled your vision from behind closed lids. This moment reminded you of being a kid, observing and learning about the world around you. You tried to remember the last time you felt peace like you did now. It seemed as though no matter how hard you tried to clutch it, life slipped quickly through your fingers like sand. The years passed and suddenly, nothing was the same. But, this moment felt still; the sun was warm, and the lake welcomed you back with familiar hands.

”You’ve been a real help,” Jack whispered, startling you. His arm brushed yours, you smiled at the sky.

“It’s nice that we’re staying out here. I love the cabin, but I think we could all use the seclusion,” you responded, meeting his eyes. He nodded back, folding his arms. Brown hair stuck to his forehead, damp with sweat.

“Seclusion, huh?” He teased.

“Seclusion, isolation, freedom from the expectations and burdens of society,” you replied dramatically.

“Okay, Thoreau, can we get some help sorting through the bags?” He questioned.

Before you could respond, you saw movement beyond the trees. Brooke approached and Jack walked over to help her with the arm full of small rocks she carried.

“No sign of bears,” she stated shortly. “Only one tent? I’ve been gone for twenty minutes.”

Brooke wasn’t angry, she just had a way about her. A way that was quick to say what was on her mind, and without much thought to how it would be taken. You learn to let it roll off of you when you’ve known someone for years. She’d been your and Annie’s suitemate freshman year. As a sensitive person, you found her bluntness unpleasant, but Annie liked her, and eventually, you came around.

You’ve known Jack and Annie longer than you can remember. Your parents were once very close; you’d spend weeks out of the year at their cabin just east of the lake. When your parents divorced it got ugly and uncomfortable, like a festering wound, until neither of them came back to the cabin. You were grateful for that. The cabin, the lake, it remained a place untouched by the crumbling debris of your parents’ failed marriage. Jack’s mom had pulled you aside and assured you that you’d always have a place with them. You knew she meant it. Mrs. Henley, Ruth, was a soft-spoken woman, but always sincere.

The cabin was almost two hours from the water by car, if cabin was the right word for it. You never talked about how much money the Henleys had, and they didn’t seem to care what your family had in comparison. The twins’ Dad, Eric, ran a few publishing companies in Washington, one in Oregon. After graduation, Mr. Henley lined up an internship for you as an editorial assistant, and asked you to persuade Jack to stay in Washington and work for him. A fruitless task, you were sure. Jack was over living out west, he wanted to travel the states, maybe move abroad for a while. No entry level job at his Dad’s company would sway a 22 year old from the intrigue of adventure.

A month ago, Annie suggested we spend these last few weeks before the fall, fully together. Camping was never your favorite, but you couldn’t say no to Annie. Not when you knew she was right. After graduation, you’d spent the summer mostly together, in your apartments in Seattle, at the Henley’s house in the city, or at the cabin. It felt right, it felt how it always did. But now, the discomfort of change was more tangible, less abstracted by time. Jack was talking of moving east with a friend you’ve known since high school and Brooke was heading to Alaska for grad school. Lucky for you, Annie didn’t seem in a rush to solidify plans, besides staying in the city. Who could blame her, with parents like that?

You joined Annie in the one set-up tent, helping her spread a blanket over one of the thin camping mattresses. You worked silently, unpacking a small pillow, another blanket, and hooking a portable light onto where the poles crossed inside the tent.

“You don’t need my permission, you know,” Annie said, breaking the silence.

You furrowed your brows. “Permission? For what?” You continued looking through the bags, setting one aside and adjusting the blanket beneath you.

"With Jack," She said, smiling at your confused look as she grabbed a bag of peanut M&M’s from her bag. She tilted her head back, letting a few fall into her mouth.

You didn’t know what to say. “It’s not like that,” you assured.

”It’s always like that,” she smiled at you, offering the sweets in her hand.

You took them, rolling your eyes. Annie assumed everyone was in love. You were definitely a romantic, but you also knew what disinterest looked like. You and Jack had shared a few lingering touches and almost-moments on drunken nights, but it didn’t sway you to gamble your friendship on the possibility that he was interested in anything serious. You were content wondering what could have been. You were typically more fond of fiction, anyway.

“Annie, come help me finish setting this up,” Jack called. She smiled at you once more before disappearing from the tent. You laid back, thankful for the swift death of the conversation.

…

The second tent was up much quicker than the first. You had organized them; Annie and Jack’s bags in one, Brooke’s and yours in the other. A small pile of sticks and pine needles glowed atop a circle of rock in the center of the camp. Jack and Brooke had found a small log and somehow managed to carry it over. You sat on it with Jack, rubbing your neck, the ghostly weight of your bag on your shoulders. You tried to pack light, but you brought a few books along; a mystery about a kidnapping that took place at a summer camp, some fairy book Brooke had suggested, and, possibly, one too many sweaters, which added some weight.

The sun was setting now, teasing the horizon with a gentle touch, and although it meant the temperature would plummet, you were eager for sleep. The heels of your feet ached, your calves felt stiff, and you were sure you needed to drink more water.

Brooke poked at the fire while Annie was engrossed in her phone, probably looking at pictures she'd taken on the hike in. You and Jack shared dried mango slices while you searched the shared playlist Brooke made for the trip. All Things End by Hozier began playing, and you smiled absentmindedly at the memory of hearing it live.

"Everyone is so quiet," Annie said, interrupting the hiss of the crackling embers. She and Brooke sat on a blanket across from you.

“I’m exhausted,” You responded with a yawn, staring vacantly beyond the campground. You thought you could spot the glitter of sunset on the distant water.

“Let’s get in the lake,” she laughed. “The cold is supposed to be good for your nervous system, or something.”

The prospect of dipping into the lake woke your body slightly, sending a buzz down your spine. You liked the rush of adrenaline, the euphoria following it.

“I’m in,” you responded with a smile. Brooke looked behind her, towards the direction of the water, and back with a scrunched nose, but eventually agreed. You turned to Jack, he only groaned. Still, he stood, mumbling something about how men weren’t built for cold water. Tell that to the Vikings, you thought.

You grabbed the thin towels from your tent, and headed towards the water.

…

Pebbles crunched beneath your boots. It was a short walk to the mouth of the lake, Brooke had chosen a good spot to camp. You quickly stripped them along with most of your clothes, leaving you in a thin bra and hiking shorts. You dipped one foot in the water, wincing at the temperature. Your friends stripped behind you, while you tried not to lose your nerve. Jack was taking pictures of the sunset from a few feet away, and you quickly slipped out of your shorts while he was preoccupied. Brooke and Annie took to your sides, and the three of you stood apprehensively at the edge of the lake, glancing over the water that expanded before you.

“It’ll be worse if we think too much about it,” Annie said, folding her arms to hold her body.

Brooke took a few brave strides and sank below the surface, cursing as she came up, before tilting her head back and letting the water caress her. Annie squealed before following suit. You blew out a huff of air, trying and failing to compartmentalize the chill in the water. When it got to your stomach your body shivered. No, this definitely wasn’t helping your aching muscles. You pressed on.

The water kissed your chest, then your shoulders. Finally, you gave in, dipping your head under. It wasn’t unbearable, but you weren’t sure you’d last long. You felt your pulse slightly in the back of your head as you swam under the surface. It had been almost 80 degrees today, but the water refused to acknowledge that. You broke the surface with a gasp, turning to face your friends who hovered near the edge of the lake. Why had you been so enthusiastic about this idea? You watched as Jack strolled over and dropped his clothes in a pile near the rest, quickly avoiding his gaze. Annie called out to him that it wasn’t so bad, and he shook his head in disagreement as he stood with the water just above his knees. He folded his arms, holding himself how Annie had. You stilled, lowering your head so your nose and eyes peaked just above the surface, and watched him sink further. You took a breath and sank below once more.

You had always loved the water. Brooke said it was biological, that it calmed something in the animal of us to be near it. When you were younger you pretended you were the half-blood offspring of Poseidon, counting how long you could hold your breath in it before your lungs felt like fire and you got light-headed.

You felt something touch your hand, and you lifted yourself from the water and your daydreaming. Jack had swum out, treading water as he watched the sun set over the mountains behind you. Water trickled down his face, gathering in his lashes, and his golden skin was cast in a reddish-golden light. He looked ethereal.

Turning, you faced the sunset. The sun lit the sky beyond the mountains in the most vibrant hues of red and orange. Where the darkening sky above you met the sun, pale shades of pink gathered. There was a good ten minutes of light left, and you thought that you’d never forget this moment. The beauty of it burned into your eyes. You saw it even as you blinked.

You broke the peaceful silence, "It feels like everything’s changing. I hate it." Change felt like putting on a new leather jacket. It chafed in all the wrong places.

He sighed, “Everything is changing. I for one am excited to leave this oppressive ass place.”

You thought of the vastness of the city, the lake that expanded before you, the mountains that climbed ahead, and wondered how anyone could call this oppressive. You knew he meant the people, but the city was big and it seemed like an excuse for wanting to leave. You stayed silent, sifting through your thoughts.

“Dad sure is glad you’re staying. At least one of us won’t disappoint him.” He added, wiping his short hair back from his face.

You laughed at the idea of his Dad ever being disappointed in either him or Annie. Their parents were unusually understanding people. Of course he wanted his kids close to home but he never was the type to force anyone’s hand. Sometimes, you thought Jack wanted a reason to brood.

“He wants you to stay, but I know he’ll live vicariously through you wherever you go, he’s an adventurer at heart. Maybe we can write about it when you get back,” you replied, smiling as you thought of the times you sat around their Dad’s faded armchair as he read you and the twins stories. He filled your minds with images of half-human creatures and monsters that swallowed ships whole. Of wars waged over beautiful women. Greedy dragons and cursed rings.

He replied with a smile and a ‘maybe’, and you pictured his portrait in the back of a travel book. ‘Everyone has a story to tell,’ His Dad had said to him years ago.

You heard laughter and splashing behind you as your friends jumped out of the lake.

“You’re just like him,” he added, nudging your arm underwater. You raised your brows in question.

He continued, “You should come with me. No author came up with anything interesting to say by staying put. New York, maybe Italy, or Ireland. You’d get plenty of inspiration there.”

“I want to be where the publishing action is,” you joke, “And I’m no storyteller, at least not yet.”

“Yeah right, you’re a natural,” He adds, “You’ve got an eye for it.”

You admired how sure Jack was. You liked how it felt to be near him, it put you at ease. He smiled and you could just picture late nights in the sticky bars of Dublin and Vespa rides along the coast.

Of course, you’d agree you had an eye for storytelling, otherwise you'd have wasted the last four years of your life. But, you didn’t have the option of relying on your rich parents for support as you found yourself at the Cliffs of Moher. The Pacific North-West was beautiful, you couldn't believe anyone would want to leave. You’d travel one day, maybe after you’d settled into your career. Until then, this would have to do. You looked out as the sun took its last breath, bowing to the mountains, passing its watch over to the moon.

“Let’s go, I’m freezing!” Annie called out from the shore.

"I’ll start dinner," Brooke added, attempting to shake the last of the water from her short hair.

You didn’t wait for Jack as you made your way to them. You hurried out, thankful for the thin veil of darkness as you dried off. Jack dressed beside you, his hair falling in short ringlets over his brows. He caught your eye and you pulled your towel over your head, hiding your face, and squeezing the lake from your hair.

…

The fire started quickly, and you ate slightly gummy re-hydrated pasta that Ruth made for the trip with her food dehydrator. You were sure this was the first time they’d used it. Shortly after dinner you fell prey to the lull of darkness and excused yourself with a ‘good night’ leaving your friends by the fire. The blankets in the tent felt damp. Great. Your sweats, thankfully, weren’t as bad. You fell asleep to hushed conversation, burrowing deep into your hooded sweatshirt.

You awoke to a sharp, shining light. Brooke was reading something next to you. How long had you been asleep? You hummed a greeting, burying your face further into your blanket, and sank deeply into the comfort of sleep.

The next day consisted of meals around the fire and a short hike to get a better view of the mountains. You trailed behind your friends, deep in thought as you failed to push away Jack’s suggestion that what you needed was travel. You thought of Bilbo refusing to leave the Shire.

Annie crept scarcely close to the edge of a boulder and you tried to hide your worried face while Brooke took her photo. They pulled you in for a group one, and you held tightly to Brooke as she captured your smiling faces.

The day seemed shorter than the one before, the sunset was more of a dulled pink, dimmed by low-hanging clouds. You made s’mores and failed at telling ghost stories around the fire before turning in early. You grabbed the fairy book from your bag, deciding the mystery should be read in the safety of daylight. You were on page 32 when Brooke joined you, crawling into the tent and kicking pine needles onto your blanket.

“I swear fantasy writers all had a meeting and committed to only writing weak, sex-depraved female leads,” You tell Brooke as she slips into her sleepwear.

“That or they become the best fighters and magicians all of a sudden. Can’t a girl just be a girl?” She adds.

You laughed in agreement and attempted to discuss the female archetype in fairy lands while she settled in. You pressed your legs to hers for warmth, and she opened a book about the history of the local tribes in Washington. Your thoughts drifted from the page, unable to comprehend the last paragraph of world-building you attempted to read twice, and you let your head fall back to your pillow. The serenade of cicadas filled your ears, and you tried to commit the sound to memory. A vision tugged at you, of laying on a porch swing in your mother's arms, listening to the cicadas call as she read to you from your book about flower fairies. You laugh at how little you’ve changed, and how much you’ve changed.

“My mom used to read me this fairy book when I was a kid. I’ve probably heard it a thousand times, and I swore I saw fairies in my backyard. My grandma told me if there was a ring of mushrooms, a fairy had been there and I looked all over the yard for them,” you admitted, the memory vivid and colorful in your mind.

“My brother and I used to build little homes for them out of sticks and leaves,” she added. You enthusiastically agreed, remembering sitting outside of your grandparents’ house arranging pieces of earth with your cousins. Hours content in the world of your imagination. You missed that part of yourself, the child in you. You thought of her as you drifted asleep.

…

The next day the sky was filled with thick puffs of soft gray clouds, the air cooler than it'd been a few days ago. You started the morning off slowly, accompanied by Annie as you laid on a blanket near the water and read. Lunch had been brought to the lake, the four of you determined to spend the whole day in this spot.

Hours later you sat, Jack at your side, and watched as Annie and Brooke swam further and further out. So far this week you’d gone hiking, swimming, read your books, and walked around looking at fauna. You weren’t sure what camping for a week looked like. The longest you’d camped out was two nights, and it was technically in the backyard of the twins’ house.

“What time are your friends getting here?” You asked Jack as you chewed the inside of your lip. He sat with his arms resting on his knees beside you.

"Mmm, around five I think," he responded, glancing at his watch.

A few of Jack’s friends were coming to camp for the rest of the week. They were nice guys, and you weren’t exactly feeling antisocial, but you wished it would have stayed just the four of you.

“Dylan’s bringing is his girlfriend I think,” he added.

You hummed in response. You liked her, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

Mirroring Jack, you looked at your watch; 4:14. Wanting to spare yourself from awkward small talk and having to help set up tents, you decided you’d go for a run along the shore soon. The energy bites Brooke had made and the coffee you drank with lunch were making you restless, anyway. You sat with Jack a little longer, and at half past four you stood, slipping back into your shoes.

Jack laughed amusingly when you told him of your plan, seeing through your avoidant ploy, but he just reminded you to be careful and to be back before dark or they’d have to form a search party. You called out to Brooke and Annie and they both echoed a warning too. A ‘be careful’, and a ‘bring your charger just in case.’

Back at camp, you threw your small solar charger into your jacket pocket, along with a granola bar, and drank from your water bottle. Anxious thoughts filled your mind, though you weren’t sure why. You’d woken up slightly on edge this morning and chalked it up to the company arriving soon. The path you’d run would be easy and mindless, no reason to worry. You’d stick to the shoreline, and come back the same way long before it got dark; the shore near the camp would be unmistakable. You took a breath and willed your stomach to settle.

You tied your hair up, swinging it to your back, then wrapped your jacket around your waist and began jogging towards the water. You’d gotten a little addicted to running this past year. It trained your breathing and focused your mind, something you’ve been trying and failing to do all your life. In Seattle, you always ran the same four-mile route from your apartment to around the park and back. It took you a few weeks to map down the perfect path. Past the gift shop at the end of the block, steering clear of the traffic near the middle school a half-mile down, and along the widest sidewalk that led to the park closest to your apartment. You focused on your breath and willed your anxious mind to focus on your surroundings. The pines loomed above you, it almost made you dizzy to look at them. The water reflected the mood of the sky. You could see a small group of people kayaking in the water towards the East side of the lake.

One mile down.

Deep breath in, deep breath out. The trees thinned out near the edge of the lake and the view was stunning. You sometimes felt like you couldn’t fully experience how beautiful it was here, not in the moment. It would hit you on the way home or when you’d get your film back from being developed. You almost brought your camera but decided it wasn’t worth the risk.

Two miles down.

Stopping, you caught your breath as you snapped a photo with your phone, then slid it back into the band of your leggings and picked up your pace. Your mind drifted to the book you were reading.

Three miles down.

Your headphone cord swung annoyingly across your chest, and sweat started to prickle your forehead. A large boulder sat in your path and you swerved around it.

Shit. You threw your hands up on instinct, hitting something hard. Blinking for a moment, you steadied yourself. How had you not seen this tree? You brought your fingers to your face and winced as your eyebrow stung. Your eyes fell to the blood prickling the back of your hand. You felt it suddenly, the annoying ache of scraped skin and you cursed yourself for being unobservant. You looked at your watch with a sigh; 5:09. You tried not to let your injury annoy you as you turned to start the journey back towards camp.

Your heart sank. Head darting back and forth, then behind you. Eyebrows knit in confusion.

The lake was gone.

Ripping your headphones out, you scanned the forest before you. What the hell?

Okay, you thought, don’t freak out, don’t panic. Just think. Did you accidentally run further from the shore? You knew the lake was North and camp was West. You looked above you for the sun to verify, but the clouds had gotten even thicker. You scanned the forest confused, trying to find the boulder you had swerved just moments ago. How hard had you hit your head?

Shit. You grabbed your phone and opened the compass app to verify your direction, chewing on your lip nervously as it loaded. You sighed in relief, yes you were facing North. If you walked forward there’s no way you wouldn’t see the lake soon.

Goosebumps prickled your arms and neck. When did it get so cold?

Throwing on your jacket, you tucked your headphones into your pocket and gripped your phone anxiously. You took deep breaths and tried to settle the sick feeling in your stomach. You’d be fine.

You walked further and further North, anxiety creeping up into your body with each step. You settled into a light jog and searched for anything familiar. The minutes dragged on. The panic set in. You checked your watch again; 5:15. Keep going.

Darkness flashed suddenly in the corner of your eye and stopped you in your tracks. You swung your head toward where it’d appeared. Your ragged breathing broke the suffocating silence of the forest. Your anxiety screamed into your mind, animal, and all you could think of was Brooke’s comment about bears, but there was nothing. Just you and the never-ending expanse of trees. Did you have a concussion?

The wind howled behind you, and your body reacted before your mind. Shivers ran up your spine into your neck and you ran. Hopping over fallen branches and swerving between trees. The forest grew thicker, swallowing you whole. You felt your vision tunneling; you were panicking but you couldn’t stop moving. You spotted a clearing ahead and prayed to whoever was listening that it was the shoreline. A low-hanging branch scraped your shoulder as you reached the field. The field. Not the shore. Your eyes searched wildly.

The darkness appeared again, but stood still.

Not darkness, but pure blackness against the muted brown trunks of the forest. You turned to face it, and there, at the edge of the clearing stood a man in a black suit.

All thoughts left your mind. Something in your DNA clawed at you to run, but you stood, perhaps in shock, staring at this man before you. He was much taller than you, you could tell even through the distance, with golden skin and hair black as night.

Seemingly out of thin air, another man appeared by his side. Something covered him, or hung behind him, extending above his head. They looked like… What the hell? Was there a group of guys out here role-playing? Your head ached, this wasn’t happening, this had to be a hallucination, maybe from the injury and the anxiety.

The man in the suit took a step further into the clearing and slipped his hands into his pockets. You stood frozen at the edge of the clearing. He cocked his head to the side and squinted, seemingly assessing you. You thought of the group you saw kayaking and a small amount of hope hit you. Of course you weren’t the only people out here, you were bound to run into someone. You could ask for directions back to the lake. If they were playing make-believe in the forest that was their business. A woman with a long brown braid and a dark leather suit walked into view next and you took a calming breath. A woman.

You swallowed your panic but it stuck in your throat as you took a step forward and lifted your hand to wave. You hoped they didn’t see you shaking. There was a woman, yes, but the two men kept you at edge. Everything seemed out of place.

“Hey, sorry you startled me,” you began with a nervous laugh. “I was running along the shore but I went a little too far, do you know how much further North the lake is from here?” you inquired, heart beating in your throat.

No answer. The suited man looked to the woman next to him, and the man with the giant fake wings kept his arms held tightly at his thighs. Seconds passed.

“Your costumes are great,” you added, trying to sound at ease, and gesturing to the man’s wings. He took a step forward, but the suited man stopped him.

Time to go whispered into your mind and you managed a tight smile, as you took a few small steps away.

“Well, I better head back to my group,” you called out. You needed to put more distance between you. You needed to get the hell out of here.

You started to jog away, but something shot out into your path. You slammed to a stop. Another man, with shoulder-length brown hair half-tied up, clad in black leather gear and the same towering wings rising above his head stood before you. What the hell? He looked at you with creased brows, and glanced at the group of people to your right. He pressed his lips in a line, eyes darting back to you. Your heart raced; you felt like prey. Every hair on your body stood and every instinct told you to run, but the man in front of you was huge. At least six foot five.

You had to go. Whatever this was, you needed to remove yourself from it. They couldn’t run very fast with those things hanging on their back, anyway, right? You took a step back and glanced beside you. You could break for the trees and start heading West.

You began to move, but something stopped you like you'd run into an invisible wall. Whipping around, the suited man now stood before you, just feet away. Your eyes met his. They almost glowed an unnatural purple. He was handsome, they all were, which freaked you out even more. The man next to him looked at you sternly, like he was assessing a threat. What the hell is this?

"I need to get back to my friends, they’re waiting for me," you lied, straining to keep your voice even.

The man spoke back in a language you couldn’t understand. You tried to pick out familiar words but the dialect was too strange. It wasn’t Native, or any of the Latin languages from what you could tell. You looked to the woman who stood slightly further back, with pure plea written on your face. Her eyes softened and she spoke back in the unfamiliar language. She would help, you convinced yourself.

They conversed once more. You took a step back, but hands wrapped around your arms tightly, fingers digging into the sleeves of your jacket. You tried jerking them away, but the long-haired man held firm.

Panic now coursed through you in a dam-less stream. “Please, just let me go, what do you want?” you begged them all, looking to the woman once more. She and the suited man exchanged glances before turning to face you. So this is how you’d die, crossed your mind. What kind of sick game had you stumbled into?

The man spoke once more and took a step closer. You looked to the man at his side, the one with towering wings. His hazel eyes met yours. You searched his face, what you were looking for you didn’t know. Sympathy maybe? His jaw loosened slightly and he held your stare.

You turned to the purple-eyed man before you and pleaded again. He responded, nodding, but you didn’t understand. Tears filled your eyes. A scream pierced your ears. Your scream. It tore its way up your throat as a hot, white pain pierced your brain like a jagged knife. Your knees gave out, but the hands gripping you kept you upright. A golden-brown light filled your blurring vision. Your head fell back, heavy, and your mouth hung open in agony as your body finally gave in.

Darkness washed over you.

...

Ahhh! I'm so nervous to post this but so excited! Already getting started on Chapter 2. Sorry this was so long LMAO I just really wanted to set the scene for some hard-core angst.

#azriel fanfic #acotar x reader #azriel spymaster #azriel shadowsinger #a court of thorns and roses #acotar #acotar fanfiction #azriel x reader #azriel angst #rhysand acotar #rhysand is a baddie #feyre archeron #cassian

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jolapeno · 11 months

Text

ii. the borrowing of honey

joel miller x f!reader | chapter two of honey stained hands

Chapter summary: lifting his chin, he finds you already watching him. “What’d y’like me to call you?” Your hands pause, flour clinging to your palms, your hands. “I like that you call me Honey, Miller.”

wordcount: 3.9k warnings: no physical descriptions. joel calls you honey (ellie calls you bee - because you look after the bees). no use of y/n. typical canon-angst. brief mentions of reader handling some raiders (murder couple yesss). my spelling. joel trying to fit in and be good for ellie. an: doesn't matter how much time passes, i still get so nervous when it comes to sharing joel.

Your name is present on the tip of his tongue whenever he sees you.

It’s there when he watches you walk by; when he finds you in the centre of the sheep pen, Ellie and other kids circling you, listening attentively.

For Joel, what he likes the most, is the teeth showing when Ellie grins, when she moves closer to you, when it’s clear in the way her arms aren’t folded anymore, that she trusts you—this person, this neighbour of theirs.

Against all odds, he has also found your name coming to him with ease when he opens his door to you, the chill of the outside air mixing with the warmth of his home.

Your appearance, as always, knocking him off balance, especially when he spots that apron again—flecks of flour, a stripe of it against your cheek.

You don’t happen to have any honey, do you, neighbour?

From morning to night, it’s there, ready—hanging on the tip of his tongue.

He swears it’s as though your name has been scratched into him, etched into some space he hadn’t known was still there, existing, being.

A pull within him.

One that led him to your door the following day, a book in hand—one you’d lent Ellie and had been meaning to return—as he found you baking. All smooth movements, unbothered by him stopping by as you combined ingredients with your hands.

Hands he was unsure how they’d made it here. A question, that circles his brain in constant whirrs.

Because, until the scent of honey hit his nose, Joel wasn’t sure you could appear any sweeter.

“What y’baking?” he’d asked, nodding to the jar of honey open beside you—the one he’d given the day prior, the label scratched from his thumb picking at it as the two of you idly chatted. Talks of the day, whether he’d had any more run-ins with the animals.

Your lip tugged into your cheek, pausing in your crumbling to wipe your forearm across your brow. “Shortbread—but it’s only my third time making it.”

“Three times more than me.”

Snorting, you grinned. Large, unfazed—as though the world had never ended for you. “When you’re done fixing fences and homes, I can teach you.”

“Not sure I can learn much, honey.”

“I think you sell yourself short.”

Smirking, he nodded, mumbling a funny as he continued to watch, and admire. Paying attention to how your hands moved, how they rolled whatever you were making inside the bowl before you held up your dough.

You hadn’t shared much, just that you had learnt to bake when you were younger—something you’d begin doing when you couldn’t sleep. How the honey had been an easy (in terms of sourcing) replacement for sugar. That, you’d amassed too much once, so you shared your goods, left treats at the Tipsy Bison, took some to the shops that could spare some cheering up.

Joel didn’t share much either, just nodded to the questions you asked, whether he’d travelled far, whether he liked fixing porches and whether it was true a sheep had tried to eat his lace.

The main things that Joel learnt, was that you were too good for a person like him.

A person maybe years and years ago he’d have been able to entertain with witty stories and charisma. But both were few and far between now. That however you’d survived, however you’d made it here, had been likely on luck and not because you, like him—and likely others—had found themselves in the shadows of who they once were.

Then, he saw a different side.

Your name almost hangs from his lips when he watches you dismount weakly, almost stumbling—falling before you catch yourself.

There are snowflakes in your hair. Ellie had said the weather is ‘all fucked. Now, he can see it for himself. How drops from the clouds had clustered, clung to strands, it almost making you look innocent—like the version of you Joel had sculpted in his mind.

That is except for the scarlet splattered across your clothes and face—chunks of something mattered in your hair. It’s sticky, that much he can tell. It catches the sun's rays, reflecting across the parts that haven’t dried. Lit up further by the wild look in your eyes, the one that makes him realise, that for all your sweetness, there’s something uncaged inside you. A look, that is both a mix of haunting and adrenaline, thrumming in the depths where he’s usually basked in goodness.

The earlier thought, the one which had been irking him—festering in the back of his mind—wondering how something so kind had managed to survive, is now answered. It is on display, proudly there for him to see. You’d done well to drill it down, hide it deep inside of you, conceal it, but it was bellowing now, hammering its fists on your chest, all proud to be out, breathing, living.

Because you disguise it too, the monster. Thing so many of the people around the two of you aren’t. But a beast recognises another—and Joel sees yours.

There’s no mask or sheet big enough to hide it now. No way he can’t see where it’s stitched itself to the person you were before civilisation snapped in two and hell poured out from the core.

It’s that, he reasons, as to why he steps closer—tries to stabilise, soothe. Even if your body is calm, barely a shake in sight—no infliction as others come to your ‘aid’ that anything is even wrong—less so when the questions begin to rise.

You—a clever thing—wait until Tommy arrives. Letting him, and only him—guide you, lead you. Those who need to, follow, and Joel finds his feet carry him too. Joel finding a spot, remaining stood, just watching from the corner as you begin to share what had happened on patrol.

Your report is clinical, stiff. All to the point.

You speak it as though you were itemising, giving a list, and he suspects it isn’t because it’s a coping mechanism. It sounds normal from your tongue, loss—death. It’s all a matter of fact, with no emotion—no semblance of kindness or grief as you describe how your patrol partner was gutted in front of you. How they talked about you, not realising, not knowing…

He listens as your voice trails off then. Knowing, more than many of those who have been comfortable here for too long, what it is you’d left unsaid.

Then, you’d added Raiders. You chin lifting, eyes cold, unbothered, adding, low-level ones—as if there are grades to this shit.

“Do we need to send others out to deal with them?”

A valid question, asked by someone Joel has no fucking clue what his name is.

Instead of replying, your eyes flick to his. A momentary hold, a prolonged stare. It doesn’t claw at him to steal his breath or dig in to take a swipe at the fractured parts of him. It is just a stare—an almost cold one—as though he could have been replaced by anyone else in the room, and it would have been the same.

But you sought him out. You looked for him—stamping the answer into him. The one you say in a second or two, but makes him body relax before the rest of them can think of doing as much.

Because Joel knows this is you showing him who you are, the monster unwilling to be caged—the demon inside of you still breathing, snorting and spitting smoke.

“No,” you say, devoid of emotion. “I sorted it.”

Somehow, even after spending the night watching you bake, he doesn't doubt that for a second.

He knows something shifted, changed, the day after your patrol.

Something ebbing, flowing—commutated in the way he finds your eyes even through a sea of people. Mostly, he discovers that he doesn’t hate it when you find yourself beside him, sun in his eyes making him squint, you leaning close by as he repairs whatever is on the agenda.

The times begin to bleed into one. Something he’s distantly aware means something—even without Ellie pointing it out.

Because even she knows you, more than bits and bobs—more than someone who teaches them things. But intimately. You, who the kids have dubbed Bee likely due to the bees you’re often around and the honey that you tend to. Something that makes him smirk, a thing he struggles to hide.

He knows things have changed. Had known it the moment you stood giving a detailed account—letting another man’s blood dry on your face—that he had misunderstood you. Joel had made an assumption based on those he’d come across before, kind things—soft, pliable souls.

Now, he couldn't unsee the fire. The ferocious thing inside of you that you stuffed away and hid behind baking and tending to fucking bees.

“Didn’t realise you had access to all the honey, honey.” “You trying to flirt with me, Miller?” “No jus’… trying to figure out why you needed my honey.” “Maybe I thought yours would taste better.”

He was aware the idle chatter had turned flirty—more tinged in power, dominance. Who could make the other uncomfortable, snap or make the move first. Each day, the answer was different—sometimes him, sometimes you, oftentimes both.

Joel was old, worn—aching all over—but he didn’t like the idea of bowing, not after all he’d done to get here to begin with.

“I think you’re softening to me, Miller.” “You’re just my neighbour.” “Yeah, yeah. That’s what it is.”

A part of him reasons that he goes to the Bison to see if you’re okay, spotting you in the corner, at an empty table—a book open in your hands before you nod at him to join you. You tell him, quickly, he doesn’t have to make conversation, turning your attention back to the book, just no point sitting by yourself being ogled at.

Joel found he did talk.

First, about the book in your hand, and then questions about other things—the two of you floating them back and forth. Nothing major, nothing too deep. Enough to spark a smile or a laugh here or there.

No more pages of your book were read, not even as you eventually closed it—bidding him goodnight. He’d almost let you walk home alone, almost. A sudden emotion flared in him as he downed the drink and hurried after you.

Knowing you were safe mattered.

He repeated the sentiment over and over as though it was the only reason—or, better yet, the only one he wanted to believe, especially when the two of you stopped at the steps of your porch.

A goodnight rises, sitting on his tongue, but it never forms. Your eyes stare at him, shimmering, but you blink it away and replace it with a smirk. Because he’s sure if you were any other woman, you’d be jingling your keys and sending him all the signs. But you’re not like those women.

It’s the reason you’re the only one he doesn’t want to roll his eyes at when you speak.

“I’m not someone you should want to be more than friends with, Miller,” you say gently, shifting the book over your front.

“That so?”

Nodding, you flash him one of your usual smiles, dropping your eyes to the floor. “Yeah, I bite.”

Joel tells himself there’s plenty to do when he’s alone.

He can read—learn about space, study carpentry, maybe even just be, relax. He could pick at guitar strings until chords and melodies came back to him.

Instead, he finds himself in front of your door, knuckles out, hammering away at the wood until he hears you shouting for him to come in.

Fuck. The sight of you knocks into him, more prominent this time—more air stolen than just a gasp. Finding you hidden behind your kitchen counter, lips spreading into a smirk, he wants nothing more than to rid.

Powder streaking your cheek, your face free except for it—all bare, natural—the strap of your bra having fallen, all black—lace. The rest of it is hidden beneath a white vest top, your apron shielding the rest of your attire except your bare legs. Bruised, healed scars and thick woollen socks.

“You here to fix somethin’?”

He shouldn’t feel so much from just a smirk, but his mouth is dry, eyes glazing up and down your frame as you lick your lips.

“Or you here to see something?”

Lingering, he digs his hands into his jacket pockets, finding the usual leaning post of your doorframe—watching, secretly admiring but not admiring.

“Your silence doesn’t intimate me, Joel. If anything, it just allows me to talk more.”

Snorting, he shakes his head. “S’not what I’m doing.”

You stop mixing, hands hovering over the bowl, eyes narrowing, assessing, but smiling. “Right. Of course.”

He doesn’t like it. The tone. The way you let each letter fall from your tongue, laced in something he can’t quite work out. So, he steps closer, boots booming as he moves more into the kitchen.

“Whatever errand Tommy has you on, I’m fine. It’s only me here now, anyway.”

He nods. “Y’have someone else here then? Before.”

Before, even he hears how it moves around the room, pulsating, thickening. Your eyes drop back to the bowl, moving ingredients and making flour dust tinge in the air.

“A while ago, yes.”

For you, it’s curt—sharp. Another notch rallied against the evidence that sweet and fucking kind wasn't all there was to you.

Then you lift your eyes, devoid of all he’s used to in them. “I don’t need anything fixing, Joel.”

He stands. Loiters. A part of him wondering what you mean by fixing, because he suspects you don’t mean furniture, porches and doors. He suspects there’s more ravelled inside of you, a thing he wants to tug on, yank at—let it unspool out until he can digest it all, and consider, just maybe, if he can unspool his out too.

It’s why he’s unwilling to leave, more out of sheer stubbornness because, in truth, you’re the only one he doesn’t despise talking to. One of the few who don’t look at him with questions, with a scowl. A scarlet letter stitched into him, sewn by the things he’s done to breathe and survive.

So, he remains. Watching as your movements become more erratic, more charged. Your anger ploughed into the dough, it forming, thickening at your fingers as though your whispered hissed sweats were like enchantments getting it to form.

“No good comes from staying, Miller.”

He lifts his chin, brow raising. “That so?”

Nodding, you lightly smirk. “Yeah. Because then you’ll realise I’m not all that to be around, and it’ll mean you have to talk to another human.”

Moving to your side of the counter, he stares at the contents of the bowl. “Y’not too bad to be around.”

“Fuck, you flatter me, Joel.”

It’s there again. That sparkle, the shimmer. The glint in your eye that shoots down to his cock, the same one from the porch. The one he sees when he passes you in the street, and you tell him he’s looking good—

“Why d'the kids call you Bee?”

“Because I didn’t like that they called me miss, and you know, I’m often with the bees.”

Something uncurls inside of him—a fire partially ignoring, a fuse switched. A thing which made him feel both young and old all at once as he leaned, the scent of you mixed with whatever you were baking, all intoxicating—enough to burn the odour of decomposition from his memory for life. A smell that is so reminiscent of you, so genuine and real.

Lifting his chin, he finds you already watching him. “What’d y’like me to call you?”

Your hands pause, flour clinging to your palms, your hands. “I like that you call me Honey, Miller.”

Nodding, he smiles, folding his arms as he leans again—just like he had done over a week ago. “Honey, it is.”

He doesn’t just see you around, he begins to see you in his dreams, too.

Not frequently, but when he’s able to enjoy a night’s sleep not ruined and tainted with nightmares, you’re there. Sometimes fleeting, sometimes more present. A thing, an anchor—looping yourself around him, figuratively, literally. A different kind of heat on his cheeks when he wakes after those, a different fist to his chest as he tries to level his breathing.

He doesn’t show it when he’s awake. When the bitter chill in the air makes his hands rub together and your eyes find his over the top of Ellie’s head, her interest suddenly in bees is unsurprising. Joel has learn, that anything that stings, seems dangerous, or kicks, seems to get the kid intrigued.

Joel just smiles at you, burning a thank you into your eyes—for doing this for her, with her. Giving her something to chatter incessantly over food with him. But it’s the one you give him back that sticks in him, remaining with him until he closes his eyes—it’s another one added to the collection which you wear like an accessory when he dreams.

He likes that you’re there. In his newly formatted dreams—greeting him there too. Little flashes, soft smiles and alluring stares hide your monster and make his bury itself in his chest. Sometimes, you wear white, the picture of innocence—all pure and unbroken. Others, he finds you coated in scarlet, a beautiful oxymoron—his own real-life Carrie.

It’s why he misses your usual comment when you pass his house on the way to the pen. It’s why he looks out for you when he’s tending to some shop door—why Tommy finds him looking around when he’s packing up.

“Y’missing something—or someone?”

Shooting a look, he’s met with a snort, a grin.

“Get outta here, will you?”

Tommy just snorts louder, “She don’t work today—Bee.”

He almost shoots back that’s not your name. It all unfurled on his tongue, the weight of it sitting there. But he swallows it.

“Don’t know what y’mean.”

“Come off it, brother—you’re across the street from me. I see things.”

It lingers with him. Sticks. Clinging to him as he trudged back, Ellie hammered her feet down the stairs to greet him, a thousand and one things shooting out at him. Question after question—some he hears clearly, others get lost in the excitement. More names, more people she’s made friends with—

“So can I?”

“Can y’what?”

She shifts—shyness present, a look he’s not used to seeing on her. “Can I go watch the movie at theirs?”

All he can think is, that she looks like Sarah—that same permissive look that children adopt when talking to their parents.

The unease. The hoping—but not wanting to show too much. Just in case. As though by expecting, it’ll hurt more if he says no.

Not that he would. Not that he does.

Her chorus of thank you’s painting the house in glitter and gold, his smile challenging to hide as he puts away the toolbox—and removes his boots.

“I heard Bee’s at home.”

Turning his head, he knows he’s pulling a face. A mix of how do you know and what you getting at, all mushed and rolled into one.

Ellie just shrugs, that annoying knowing one that he remembers back when she cracked the radio. The look of deviousness and mischief swirling in her eyes and spreading to her lower face.

“Get outta here, kid.”

You bought him a batch of shortbread.

They’re encased in a tin—it’s small, circular. It’s old, likely restored as best as it could be from wherever it was taken from. But, the contents are new—sweet, rather perfect, even if your note attached had been describing them as anything but.

Joel hadn’t been here when it arrived, coming home to the lid already off, a small plate next to it, adorned in crumbs. He supposed if Ellie liked it, he would—and fuck did he.

“So, she just baking you things now?”

“Looks like it.”

He knows all of Ellie’s faces—each emotion stitched into it. A scowl here, a surprised look here. Tonight was a cross between sarcasm and, really, man.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Shifting his weight, he dips his chin. Staring, right over his nose as she holds her hands up, excusing herself, dashing up the stairs before signalling his lack of an answer with the slam of her door.

He could admit that each time he sees you, you flirt—that you’re still all kind, sweet. But, Joel knows there is an edge to it. Something simmering, bubbling. A current attempting to wrap itself around the two of you and pull you under—laced with flirtations, them prickling in the air.

It reaches a new height quickly, his fingers plucking at strings as you walk past. Your eyes glazed, the night heavy—a storm brewing in the air, something he can feel, half-expecting rain to fall down and do its usual cleanse of the soil, leaves and muck.

He had seen you pause, turning your frame to his porch. Climbing it, stopping yourself from stepping on the top step.

“Y’good, neighbour?”

He snorts. “You’re drunk.”

“Merry.” Your correction comes with a smirk. “Drunk makes me sound like I can’t handle it—and I can handle it.”

Sliding the guitar from his lap, he looks at you leaning, that same smirk. The one that’s been growing over the days, weeks. One that makes his blood boil and his jeans tighten.

“You know, if you ever feel like playing with something that sounds just as pretty, Miller, you let me know.”

Whatever retort he’d been about to give, fizzles, dies. It slides back down his throat as you throw up a wave, practically skipping down his steps. Not even looking back as you walk that bit further to your own place, before you’re out of view.

He should go in, but he doesn’t.

Instead, he watches your home, as you flick a light on as you move through your home—hidden by curtains and blinds.

Joel can’t hear anything, but a part of him wishes he could.

Wondering whether you sing to yourself, whether you’re clumsy—and you paint the air with fucks and shits. Whether you’re thinking about him…

Joel picks up the guitar again, calloused fingers ready to brush over strings.

But he just hears you. A ghostly echo of your statement, humming, swirling around the porch.

Leaning it against the side of the house, he stands, bones creaking, porch chair groaning, as he heads inside.

Needing another door and wall between you and your confession and the relief he needs to find to be able to look you in the eye tomorrow.

CHAPTER THREE ->

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fic #pedrostories #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

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halcyone-of-the-sea · 11 months

Note

I’m itching to request another Price kidnapping fic, but I’m not gonna make you write a THIRD one despite how delicious and delightful your writing is

Congratulations!🎉🎉🎉

—Burst Veins

⇢ ˗ˏˋ 5k Drabble Masterlist ࿐ྂ

╰┈➤ ❝ [He never noticed you weren't behind him.] ❞

When he had looked back, you were gone.

Price had never been so panicked—his eyes snapping this way and that, body turning in a circle as the radio on his chest went wild with barks and intel coming in. This had turned into a shit-show fast; there were too many problems at once.

And now you had disappeared.

“Fuck!” He shouts, combat vest heavy on his chest as a soul-deep worry infects him. But John wasn’t one to drown in in-action; he was a Captain.

Wrenching a hand to the radio, he snarls the new plan to the rest of One-Four-One and tells Simon to radio into Laswell for air support as his boots begin tracing his footsteps back.

The building he was in had flickering lights above his head, making his eyes lose focus before they honed on as he shook his head. Finding you became his top priority in a matter of seconds, and that fact was both a stain and a curse on John’s brain.

Since when had you gotten so important to him beyond being a valuable asset and a member of his Task Force? It was a question for another time, evidently, because you’d been stolen out from under his very nose.

The question was…where had you gone?

—

You’re kneeling in the middle of a large lobby, hands tied and a rag stuck in your mouth as a gun is leveled at your head.

It was embarrassing how it happened—one of these goons had snuck up behind you and stuck a piece of fabric with chloroform on it to your mouth and nose, able to keep pressure for the few moments that was needed to make you loopy. And now…now you were stuck with a battle outside and your Captain probably looking for you.

Or at least…you hope he was.

The rag is ripped out of your mouth, your broken nose leaking long streaks of blood out as you hiss when fingers grab at it; a rabid shout stuck in your throat as your head is shoved back.

“Radio your soldiers,” the man speaks quickly, looking around. He couldn’t even drag you out of the building due to the gunfire—what did he expect to gain from this? “Tell them to retreat and that you are my hostage.”

Your chuckle catches him off guard, your head burning as your eyes fade in and out.

“That’s not gonna happen there, Pal.”

The safety of the gun is clicked off. “Now. Or I will shoot.”

“Then shoot,” you buy time, your hands slipping into your sleeve to grasp the handle of a blade strapped to your forearm. “Won’t matter to me—I’ll be dead.”

Those eyes of his flare as his lips peel back; the barrel firm to your forehead before it shifts to the side as he leans closer. You can smell his breath.

“Use your radio. Now—” A shadow slips into the lobby, and you don’t have to look to see who it is.

Price takes the shot with no hesitation, the man screaming as his shoulder bursts with gore and blood—wasting no time even with your loose mind, you cut your bonds and bring the knife down into the supple flesh of his neck.

Your name is called fiercely as you lean forward and cough over the body, hands grabbing at your shoulders to pull you back and get you to your knees.

“Fuckin’ hell, look at me.” A light is flicked and runs over your eyes—you bat it away as a familiar beard and serious blue eyes grace you. Your lips flicker at John’s firm stare.

“Chloroform. All good.” An aggressive sigh.

“You need to be more—”

“Aware of my surroundings, yes, Sir,” you mutter, putting a hand to your head as his fingers loosen on your gear.

“Head still on?” He asks you, eyes jumping up and down as he grunts at your broken nose; hand moving forward to push the blood back as your face heats.

“As much as it can be,” you cough again at your raw throat. “Shit, we need to get going.”

John sighs, knowing it to be true. There wasn’t time for rest—you’d put them back in crucial time. He’ll need to address this another time.

“Up and at it, soldier, we’re late.”

“Fashionably, Sir.” He hides his violent smirk before grabbing your arm and dragging you up.

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 7 months

Text

My dear lgbt+ kids,

I have been openly living as a trans man for some years now. And I'm at a point where it doesn't take up so much mental space anymore.

Don't get me wrong: I certainly do not mean "it doesn't matter anymore" here. I am not a "just call me whatever pronouns, I do not care" person and I don't think I ever will be. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, it's just not how I feel. Being adressed with my name and my pronouns is still important for my mental well-being, and it still triggers feelings of dysphoria when people misgender me.

Even apart from misgendering: My identity is still important, and it always will be! Being trans is not some small thing that loses its importance over time. It's who I am. Being a man - and having grown up in a society that told me I wasn't - influences the way I experience everything in my life (from my self-image to my relationships with others to... well, everything).

What I do mean here is: Before coming out to others, and also before coming out to myself and accepting myself as a man, there were naturally a lot of questions running circles in my brain. Why do I feel so sad when adults tells me I'll grow into a woman? Why does it cause me so much stress when mom tells me to put on a dress? Why does it make me so euphoric to use masculine scents? When I try to picture myself kissing a boy, why do I see two boys? Ah, I just learned trans people exist, why does this fascinate me so much that I can't stop thinking about it? Am I creepy for being so fascinated by them? I'm older now, why is that sad feeling not going away? Why is it only getting worse now that I have "grown into a woman"? Why do I keep getting this horrified feeling that I took a wrong route somewhere and was never meant to arrive at "woman"? Wait... could this mean I am trans? Is it too late to realize I am trans at my age? Can I really be trans when the whole thought of even just considering surgery feels overwhelming and scary? Will I ever be ready to actually come out as trans? I really want to get married some day, could I even find love as a trans person? Can I ever be happy in a relationship if I hide who I am? Can I go on living in the closet? Okay, I am trans and want to come out, is it safe to do that? Will my family still love me? Will I ever be brave enough to come out to people outside of my immediate circle? Will people take me seriously? Will people hate me? Will I regret coming out? What if I fuck up my life?

Well, I came out and the world didn't end. All these questions, I either found answers to them or they just dissolved over time - and that frees up a lot of energy and mental space. The space that was occupied by these questions and concerns is now available to me again.

I do not wonder if I am a man anymore. I just am one. It has become something that is just self-evident to me. It goes without saying - or without conciously spending time thinking about it. Of course I am a man, of course I am Oliver. Who else would I be?

We all have a limited amount of things we can focus on, and many trans people share this experience that over time they do not need to focus so much on it anymnore. But this is not unique to the process of figuring out you are trans - in the sense that a cis gay, bi, ace etc. person could also relate to this, but also in entirely non-lgbt-specific ways. Think about a person prepping for an important exam for example. A lot of their energy and mental space will be tied up in exam related questions... which obviously will not be a permanent state. After the exam, they will naturally no longer by preoccupied by wondering how the exam will go!

I'm telling you all this because one of you asked me if I struggled with coming to terms with being a trans man - and this is my very long way of saying: Yes, I did (and it's pretty normal to do! It's a really big realization about yourself!) but struggling isn't a permanent state.

You'll find answers to some questions, some questions will just fade away. You'll figure things out.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#lgbt

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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 3 months

Note

Hii I just discovered your blog through your Sleep Token writings and I just have to say they’re really good!!! I love the way you write the boys especially iv in His Mark. I love when boys are like ‘quietly possessive’ I think it’s cute af.

Sooo which got me thinking about how the other 3 would mark the person they’re interested in/have a crush on..?

Their necklaces? Gift one of their Rings? Secret little gifts? Go slightly stalker mode? Idk but anyway would love to hear and read your writings and thoughts💕

Thank you for reading and being so sweet. I loved writing this🤍✨

Vessel

As I said, he is a quiet type of possessive in my eyes. His whole persona screams that he doesn’t need words if he wants to be intimidating. And while he’s calm about you interacting with other people for the most part, the moment he changes his mind or has enough with someone trying to shoot their shot with you, he is up and slowly walking your way.

His claim on you is in form of lovebites. Try to convince me that the boy is not into biting. That’s part of his love language. So a bruise on your neck or collarbones keeps all the lurkers away. He gets more creative in places that others might not get to see. But I wholeheartedly believe that he’s out there creating love hearts from his kisses on your thighs. Your skin is a canvas for him.

But he’s also pretty touch-starved so if there’s only the closest people on the team there he is holding your hand. Through it all. No matter what he is doing his palm is extended towards you and he won’t be settling until you either wrap your hand around his finger - that would make the wires in his brain spark - or just feel your much smaller hand pressed against his palm. So by all means most people would be more than aware that you’re his and his only.

III

Our little firecracker. He is a lot more expressive with his emotions so if this man feels like someone is getting a bit too close to ya, I would suggest that person looks over his shoulder for a day or two. All 6’4 of him that’s my lucky guess on his height would love it when you wore his clothes and found ways to incorporate something that is his into your outfit

A shirt of his you liked when you were on a date? Say no more. You would find it casually left in a place you would no doubt see it. Still smelling of him. A new hoodie the band was working on putting out? “Model it, baby, it looks better on you regardless”.

And now I imagine how he would halt when he saw you in his clothes for the very first time and how this need to see you in them was fueled. He’s trying to make breakfast. Simple pancakes that he had googled a recipe for. Part of him wants to make it special somehow cause it’s the first night that you have stayed over. He doesn’t hear you walking downstairs because he’s too focused on the amount of flowers he needs to use and the chunks that are forming. It is the light chuckle that slips past your lips that has him nearly throwing the spatula your way.

And then his whole body freezes, face going blank as he drinks in the sight of you. “I can change, I just didn’t find any of my clothes”, a light panic sets into you, not wanting to cross boundaries there might be. But III is quick to put everything that he’s holding and within a heartbeat, one of his arms is sneaking over your middle as he swiftly lifts you. You let out a surprised scream as he effortlessly places you on the counter. The biggest grin on his face.

“Do you know how good you look?”, his arms are on either side of you as he leans forward. “iii, I just woke up… my hair…”, you giggle but he cuts you off with a shake of his head, “Is perfect, you are perfect”, he leans in brushing his lips over yours, “Especially in my clothes, fuck me”, his hands move to run beneath the hem of the shirt, massaging your hips with slow circles.

He will forever be a secret to me. There’s something so mysterious about him. At times I feel like my INFJ ass can see right through him but then I’m like maybe I am so wrong. 😂

I feel like in a similar way to Vess, he doesn’t go around throwing punches if someone is standing too close to you for his liking. Cause similar to Vess there’s that sense of threat in someone’s silence. He’s a lot more private about his personal life even with people he loves and his affectionate side only comes out behind closed doors.

So if he wanted to mark you it would probably be something small. He wouldn’t go all flashy. Maybe a necklace he wears for most of the shows. Or a little II pendant on a chain. *cue TS I want to wear his initials on the chain around my neck* type of shit. He would love it too. Pulling at the chain ever so slightly when he wants to kiss you. Or simply when he needs a distraction. Slowly calming his racing mind.

I think it’s with quality time and gestures of love that he would show just how much he cares. So if you need a way to calm yourself his shirt is off, he’s laying on his stomach and you sit there, straddling his lower back as you color in his tattoos. He doesn’t let anyone touch them except you. And even if the pattern stays the same he still enjoys seeing the different color combinations you come up with. His little artist.

#sleep token x reader #sleep token imagine #sleep token x you #sleep token vessel imagine #sleep token vessel x reader #sleep token iii imagine #sleep token iii x reader #sleep token ii imagine #sleep token ii x reader

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sashaforthewin · 2 years

Text

[Thank you to @avi17 for beta services, any remaining whoopsie-doodles are my own]

Steve Harrington pulled out his pack of cigarettes and placed one between his lips. He dropped the pack back into his pocket and then patted around himself for his lighter.

Fuck. He sighed.

It didn't matter how many gas station lighters he bought and stuck into the pockets of all his clothes, he somehow always ended up losing them immediately.

Talking around his cigarette, he turned to Eddie.

"Help me out here, man. Light me." He aimed the unlit cigarette at his friend.

"Yeah, gimme a sec," Eddie said as he put his acoustic guitar to the side and patted his own pocket. He pulled out a lighter and then reached over and plucked the cigarette from Steve's lips and placed it between his own and proceeded to light it. Then, once lit, he removed it and placed it back between Steve's lips.

Steve just stared, shocked.

What the hell was that? Who lit someone's cigarette that way?

By this point, Eddie had already gone back to messing around on his guitar, didn't seem to notice Steve's reaction at all.

"What was that?"

"You asked me to light your cigarette, I did," Eddie shrugged.

"You could've lit it while it was in my mouth."

"Consider it paying the toll."

Steve laughed at the audacity and got back to digging through Eddie's cassettes as he smoked.

That was the first time. But then it happened again. And again. And eventually it was just the natural way Steve smoked. More than once Steve had realized he did in fact have a lighter, right after Eddie had lit his.

And then once, Steve felt the lighter in his pocket and asked Eddie to light his anyway.

After that, he just stopped trying to carry lighters.

It wasn't until months in, when the habit had well and truly formed, that it happened in front of someone else.

Of course it was Nancy. Why wouldn't it be Nancy?

It was a momentary lapse in judgment. He was running on autopilot. Cigarette goes in mouth, ask Eddie to light him, Eddie takes his toll and puts the cigarette back in Steve's mouth. That's just how Steve's cigarettes get lit.

But then as he was taking his first drag, his eyes happened to catch on Nancy and the look on her face made his blood run cold.

With a barely detectable nod leftward from Nancy, Steve knew his presence was requested for a chat.

He let Eddie know he was helping Nancy get something down from a high shelf and would be right back, and then followed Nancy up to his dad's home office and shut the door quietly.

"What the hell was that!?"

"What, he was just lighting my cigarette," Steve said defensively.

"Are you two dating?"

"What? No!"

"It looked rather intimate."

"I mean, yeah, I guess it is. I dunno, it's just how Eddie lights people's cigarettes."

"He does this to other people?"

"I assume so," Steve shrugged, realizing he had only ever imagined Eddie lighting other people's cigarettes that way after the very first time. After that, he hadn't really circled back to the the thought but now that it was back, Steve found he didn't much like this mental image at all.

Some of what he was thinking must have shown on his face because Nancy gave him a look dripping with kindness and a sprinkling of pity.

"You like him."

"No."

"You like him."

"I don't."

"Steve. You like Eddie."

"...Shit," he cursed, looking off to the top of the bookshelves. Then he looked back at Nancy, seemingly miserable.

"What do I do, Nance?"

She thought about it a moment then shrugged. "Date him, I guess."

"I mean, clearly I'm gay for him, as you just rudely forced me to realize. But I don't even know if he would be willing or interested in dating men. Well, not men, just me."

"I think he is interested. He lights your cigarette in his own mouth."

"Yeah, but that's just paying the toll, Nance! It doesn't mean he likes me! You gotta tell me what to do soon or Eddie will think we are doing something up here. Come on, use that big nerd brain."

Nancy rolled her eyes, but smiled in amusement. "Fine. A simple experiment. Next time he smokes, you do too. See what he does when his lips are already busy. See you this evening, don't be late or we'll miss all the trailers."

And with that she grabbed a pack of printer paper and left the office. He heard her say goodbye to Eddie and then leave.

The rest of the day was spent waiting for Eddie to smoke, and as they say, a watched pot never boils.

Eventually, it was time to head out for the theater. Steve was on edge from trying to act like he was just hanging out with his friend in a normal way instead of obsessively watching him for clues and waiting for him to smoke.

Finally, when Eddie climbed into the passenger seat, he cranked the window a bit and lit his own cigarette. Steve waited a moment while waiting for the car to warm up, then pulled his own out and placed it to his lips.

"Light me?" Steve asked.

"Yep, I got you."

Eddie placed both hands on the edges of Steve's jaw and brought their faces together. Steve's heart nearly burst out of his chest thinking Eddie was going to kiss him, but then he realized Eddie was trying to position their cigarettes tip to tip. Steve snapped out of it and used his lips to help aim, then they both puffed in and out quickly a few times to pass the flame.

He cursed the flammability of thin paper wrappers when his cigarette caught and Eddie released his face. Steve felt fluttery from how unbelievably intimate and sensual that had felt. Not only had Eddie cupped his jaw, fingers bracketing his ears and fingertips in his hair, but it was also very easy to convince yourself someone is looking at your lips instead of your cigarette in such close proximity.

He took a moment to breathe, overwhelmed.

"Steve?"

"Yeah, should be good, just making sure the engine was warmed up." He threw the car in gear and backed out of the drive.

When they arrived, Nancy and Jonathan were waiting out front, huddled for warmth or because they were in love. In a Midwest winter it was hard to tell sometimes.

As soon as Nancy was in view, she and Steve had a nonverbal conversation with their eyes. She questioned, he answered, she looked exasperated, he shrugged.

As soon as they got their seats, Steve threw his coat down next to Eddie and announced he'd grab everyone's snacks if Nancy would help carry. Eddie and Jonathan both offered but Steve and Nancy shot them down and dashed off to chat.

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah! I thought my heart was going to leap out of my throat, I'm a changed man, I'm never going to recover from that. I'm never going to let him smoke alone, either, even if this doesn't mean anything, at least I could relive that moment again and again!"

"I really think he likes you, but if you really want more proof, I'll think of something…"

After the movie, the four stood out back behind the theater, chatting about the film. Nancy watched Steve and Eddie talking excitedly to each other, unintentionally ignoring her and Jonathan. They were quite clearly so intimately comfortable with each other, there was no way they wouldn't be the perfect fit.

And then an idea came to her and she grabbed Jonathan by the shoulder and pulled him down to whisper in his ear.

He glanced nervously over at the two and then back to Nancy, then pulled out his cigarettes which had a lighter stuck down the clear foil, clearly visible, realized and shoved them back into his pocket awkwardly and fumbled to pull a cigarette out with the pack in his pocket.

"Hey Eddie, light me?"

"Sure," Eddie shrugged, tossing his lighter to Jonathan in an underhand throw, barely sparing the man a glance. Steve waited a very conservative five seconds before leaning in to kiss Eddie and Nancy was both pleased and embarrassed that Eddie responded by pressing Steve up against the wall by the dumpster.

#steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #cw smoking

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imagine-silk · 6 months

Note

May I request something with Nick? Like, Sole was a detective who worked with the Nick who Nick was based off of? So Nick would definitely be surprised to see Sole. I could kinda see that perhaps this could cause a bit of inner conflict with Nick too. Thank you for considering my request, hun!

》I need to learn how to make dividers. If any of you know how to make them let me know. (oh my god I never knew I liked to be called 'hun' (⸝⸝⸝╸▵╺⸝⸝⸝))

Nick back then was different for obvious reasons. The war was still going on but it was still not a lost cause, and he didn't encounter it day to day by force but by choice. He was married to Jenny, the girl of his dreams that he always thought was out of his league. His identity was unquestioned and never in doubt and he never had a problem with his body. He was happy with his life.

You had a huge influence on him. When he met you he was just barely out of his cop uniform and getting used to wearing what he wanted. You were the one he was assigned to to learn the ropes. Something you weren't very happy about in the beginning but you were never mad at him, he wasn't the one to make the call. So you showed him what you did and taught him what you knew at the time.

From the start he wanted to make a good impression and was very eager to please. It took a second for him to calm it down. He still admired you. After his tutelage was done neither of you asked for a change. It was silently agreed you were partners, no talk needed.

You were there when he scanned his brain. It was for college students and their studies. You told him it was strange and to think twice about it but he laughed and said it was for science. That's the last memory he had when he woke up in the trash.

While he was adjusting he stumbled a lot. Then when he was welcomed into Diamond city and given his agency he tried to take hold of his life. The way he did was to pretend like he was you, to do what you would do, to take authority and be the one in charge. Over the years he changed. After a lot of reflection he realized you wouldn't have wanted that, you didn't want him to be you. You would want him to be the best version of himself. So he strive to be the person you saw in him.

Time stopped for him when you saved him in the vault. He felt so many different things. And he saw your confusion. You were under the impression he survived like you did, because no one told you he was a synth. Neither of you remember who said you should get moving but one of you did.

At the agency you asked your companion to wait outside for this reunion. "Nicki." A nickname you always called him by fondly. "You do remember me, right?"

What was he supposed to do, lie to you? But that was the problem. How much of him was a lie? He tried to explain but that made him think in circle. He did remember you but he wasn't yours, he wasn't who you remembered. He wasn't Nick. But he did know you. He still wanted to please you. He wanted you to see what he made of himself and tell him he did good. But you weren't his to claim because he wasn't Nick. But he was. He was Nick and there was no running away from that.

You hushed him, "It's okay. If you want to go back to us we'll do that. If you want me to be a stranger we can do that. I'll go at your pace. No matter if you're my Nick or your own. And if you never want to see or speak to me again I'll leave after we find Shaun." Again you put the ball in his court, just like he remembered. And he knew whatever he said you would pick the ball up and play the game with his rules.

"I'm not him. I'm not. But I want to be with you again." It was all so much. He knew you but you didn't know him. Somehow you knew exactly what he meant; I want you to know the me now.

He never really thought about how much he missed you in the last couple of years but now that you were here it was kind of embarrassing. You hired him to help you but he still looked up to you. It felt like he was hired help instead of a private eye. Every step of the way you smiled and told him he was doing a good job.

Throughout your time together you bond. It's different but familiar, it's built on what you had and became what was new.

He actually held Shaun once. He actually held him several times but he only remembered the first. This was personal for him too. The child of his best friend.

He was so confused when you came back through the telepad without Shaun. He followed you when you stormed away to your house and saw your break down. "I lost everything. Every fucking thing! My world, my wife, my partner, and now my son. What am I here for? Who do I need to kill-" You stopped when you saw his face and realized what you said. "That's not what I meant. Nicki. Nick!" You called out but he was out the door.

There he was hiding in his office like he did after your first fight on the job. But that was the problem wasn't it, he wasn't the one you upset at the time. Of course you knew he was hiding there and showed up. He didn't stop you when you sat down next to him. "Do you remember-"

"I probably do." It was bitter and pointed but you continued.

"Not like that. Yesterday I said 'tomorrow this will all be over'. And you said?"

"'It's not over until the fat lady sings'."

You chuckled, smiled, like nothing was wrong. You were so good at that. "That was the first time I'd ever heard that. You, Nick, never said that. It surprised me. What a weird saying. You're not Nick, I know that. I lost him. But I have you."

You'd just found out you lost everything from before the war and here he was being selfish, having the gall to need reassurance from you. The sweet thing was he knew you would tell him that was a stupid thought and you'd always have time for him no matter how silly. "You do have me." Like that he tilted and put his head on your shoulder.

#ask and you shall receive #fallout 4 #fallout imagines #fallout x reader #gender neutral reader #nick valentine #i leaned into using nate but it can be nora

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tteokdoroki · 1 year

Note

Riding Isagi has been PLAGUING my mind. Like I want that guy till he’s crying shaking stuttering. I need to see the whites of his eyes when they roll to the back of his head. I need to physically feel the weight of the air with all the sex mingled with it. I have gotta hear that nasty sloppy sound of the froth of us meeting again and again. I wanna ask him about the most mundane things (like what he wants for dinner or some shit) just to see him struggle to answer. Wanna praise him just to if he’ll slobber from the excitement or just look at me with a dumb fucked out little smile…I need to FUCK this guy…and then sweetly kiss him whole again :D

૮ ͈>◡< ͈ა warnings — please read + mdni ! characters aged up to 20s, established relationship, smut, creampies, praise!kink, cow girl, hair pulling, pro player!isagi, fem!reader - not beta read !

when isagi plays well, you’ll often reward him.

he’s often deserving of it. he puts his heart and his soul, his life force into playing soccer for the best results and to become the best. isagi is a hard worker and from that stems his yearning for attention and praise. it’s in human nature after all, to want to be told ‘you’ve done well.’ ‘i’m proud of you.’ ‘you’re so good.’ — to chase after a prize.

you know that sometimes isagi has his sick little fantasies of debauched domesticity. to come home to you and play a sinful game of house — he’d never make you a trophy or housewife for that matter because he loves and respects you way too much. but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about bringing the fantasy into the bedroom. and as said before, when isagi plays well… you indulge him.

“how was your day, yoichi? did you miss me, honey?” you purr, smiling with your tongue in the corner of your mouth at the sight of twinkling azure eyes rolling back into his skull. your fingers twirl daintily in the dark baby hair’s on the back of isagi’s neck — eliciting a high pitched mewl from deep in his chest. the angelic sound turns into a suprised hiss when you grab the roots of his silky locks and tug isag’s gaze up to face you. “answer me, baby.”

he looks up at you, delirious — his expression appearing high as a kite despite there having been only a few kisses exchanged between you both. between your tongue in his mouth, running over his pearly white teeth, and your warm, sticky cunt wrapped around his aching shaft…yoichi doesn’t know how to think. let alone formulate a proper response.

“yoichi—“

“fucking missed you, baby,” the striker’s brain short circuits at the feeling of your juices dribbling down his cock resulting in obtuse droplets forming between his loaded balls. it grounds him yet destroys him as the same time — enough of isagi’s consciousness coming back to him to dig his nails into the fat of your ass, lifting and dropping you in his lap for some well deserved friction. “always do. miss my girl, miss her pretty face. h-her wet. fucking. cunt. wrapped around me like this….god, fuck!” he punctuates each word with a forceful jug of hips up into your core.

you find it so cute how he tries to stay in control, keep a level head when you’re on top. spoiling him. yoichi let’s you take over the rhythm of your hips — so you start off slow, circling yourself in his lap and squeezing down on his heavy, throbbing dick before you switch to bouncing up and down. he swallows thickly, adam’s apple bobbing in anticipation when you grab his large hands with your smaller ones and guide them from your backside to your chest.

there’s no way to properly describe how much you affect isagi. you make him feel like a hormone- crazed high schooler with the way he eagerly fondles your chest, brushing his thumbs over your sensitive nipples until they harden and form those pretty peaks he loves so much. he hungrily watches your face, listens out for the change in the pitch of your dreamy lullaby-like moans that lets isagi know you feel so fucking good and that he’s touching you just right. his observant cobalt eyes peer up at you, watching you as if he’s searching for constellations in the sky. he finds them when your own eyes grow starry with tears, aligning perfectly with the surge of pleasure that shoots through you.

if he had the words, isagi would tell you that you looked like an angel. his lips quiver around the shape of the complement and fade off into a shaky whimper exhaled into the weighty scent of sex in the air. embarrassment burns in the centre of his chest like a ball of gas in outer space because isagi can still hear himself babbling and moaning ad-libbing the sounds of your skin meeting his and the sloppiness of his cock slipping in and out of your creamed cunt.

the mix of your arousals makes a papping noise that makes isagi dizzy — the gem-shade of blue in his eyes overtaken by white as they roll back into his skull. he misses the warm, sluice, hug of your pussy when you pull off of him and never wants to leave it when you slam back down, squealing to yourself cutely because you’re high off of pleasure too.

you have him so fucked up, he starts to wonder if he really deserves this — either way, isagi clings to every ounce of pleasure he gets from you riding him stupid. from your thighs slapping down on his, to the way you sensually grind down on his cock and use him to churn up your own insides.

before you lose him to overthinking instead of ecstasy, you nose up the side of isagi’s neck and press grounding kisses to his piping hot flesh as you praise him. “you’re so good, yoichi. played so well today too. my good boy,” you coo against the shell of his ear, basking in the way he trembles and whines, his cockhead leaking up against your equally sopping walls. “made you, hah, dinner baby. your favourite, just how you like it.”

a tingling sensation builds behind isagi’s pelvis and a wildfire of lust spreads throughout his body, burning white at the base of his lungs — stealing away the words that he needs to speak. you watch as he tries and fails, reduced to a bumbling mess of tears and a sloppy cock.

licking up the side of yoichi’s face and catching a stray tear of his before it falls too far, you peel back your hips — both of you dropping your gazes to the opaque milky strings of slick that tie you to one another like strings of fate.

isagi heaves at the sight, dragging you down to lie on his sticky chest — the dire need to be closer to you shooting down his spine. “you spoil me so much, precious girl.” he chokes on the syllables, stuttering while you grind into one another sensually. “really takin’ care of me.”

you can hear his heart pounding against his rib cage in this position and look up to isagi’s lovesick face, pouty and wet like a puppy. “i have to take care of my precious boy, he’s the best striker in the world after all.” you say quietly, feverishly bucking your squelchy core down on his heady cock. isagi makes a face, one that’s twisted in a mix of agony and rapture, and his nails dig into the meat of your thighs once more — holding you in place while he wildly fucks himself into you.

“y-you’re gonna cum, aren’t you, pretty boy?” you continue to tease him, your words punctuated by his rapid thrusts and your own high pitched squeals. isagi nods with a pout, his sensibility abandoned. “my boy’s so worked up, ‘m so proud of you, yoichi. use your words and you can cum inside me this time.”

sweat mats darkish midnight hair to isagi’s forehead, pearling on his hairline like the tears in his waterline. he blinks them back, barely able to focus on you, especially since you’re squeezing down on him so hard. “i wanna cum,” he chants dumbly, his voice muffled by the exertion of pounding your puffy pussy raw. “lemme cum, please.”

smiling, you brush back his bangs and grab at them so you can tug his face up towards yours. “kiss me, yoichi.”

“oh fuck,” isagi screws his eyes shut and rasps, tone whiny, craning his neck up to meet your lips. “hah, hah, hah—!”

you cut off his candy-like and heavenly whimpers with an intimate, open-mouthed kiss. isagi pants against your tongue as you force it lovingly past his lips, pressing it up against his while you swap spit with one another. he cums like this, hard, quickly filling you up with viscous white that taints your insides and you follow not long after — painting his lap with your claim as your breath mingles in the sec tainted air vibrating in between the two of you.

when you pull away, lazily flopping into yoichi’s strong arms — you remain connected by a string of saliva that he licks up eagerly. isagi gives you a dumb, sexy fucked out smirk just for good measure, still pulsing inside of your warm sex.

“i love you, pretty boy.” you breathe, kissing his cheek dotingly.

“i love you most, precious girl.” isagi breathes back, keening happily into your affectionate touch.

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arlana-likes-to-write · 17 days

Note

oh god i think i have an idea for kate x yelena x reader??

maybe something before the 3 kids?

(i was on twitter the other day and i read about people saying the importance of feeling represeted in fics, and i thought about this lately, so uhm from my pov, i would like to uhm propose like a reader with maybe selfharm addiction??? maybe reader doesn't say that she relapsed because kate and yelena have other thoughts like missions and mission reports and hard training and she do not want to be a burden??? but like she doesn't realize that she matters more than all those things to Kate and Yelena and almost towards the end reader can no longer hold the weight inside and one evening she confesses it to them??? gosh this is a lot i know lol

(I HAVE TOTALLY NO IDEA IF YOU WRITE ABOUT THIS TOPICS if not im sorry for the request but this is something that is stuck with me but im getting better, so yeah sorry)

Take My Hand

This is a prequel to Domestic Life but can be read as a standalone.

Warning: mention of past and current self-harm, online bulling, self deprecating thoughts, poor self image, implied sexual content (Kate and Yelena are down bad for their girlfriend), pet names (princess; baby, babygirl)

Breathe. Breathe. Take five breaths in and five out. Your hands shook every time you passed your brush through your hair. The only sound your brain was registering was the music Kate demanded to play so you all could get ready. There was a party at the Avenger Tower; some active Avengers were invited, along with politicians and other top-dog individuals in the city. You weren’t worried about that. You spent so many years in customer service that you could talk to anyone smoothly. It was the media that worried you.

The world knew that Kate and Yelena were dating; they were among the most talked about couples behind Natasha and Maria. You’ve spent hours scrolling through blogs created for them where random people reposted pictures and kept updated on every aspect of their lives. It was a little weird. It was always Yelena and Kate, Hawkeye and the White Widow for a few years. Recently, they’ve hinted at a third in their relationship that many blogs caught on to. That third was you, and for the past five months, the two superheroes kept you out of the public eye. They wanted to keep you to themselves. Everything changed now that Kate wanted to take you on dates.

You were anxious. Compared to the likes of the Avengers, you were a no-one. Just a small-town girl who got lucky their car broke down in your town.

Suddenly, Kate’s arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you flush to her chest. “Where did your mind run off to, Princess?” Her chest rumbled after each word, and her lips tickled you underneath your ear.

“Just,” you giggled. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” You tried to escape, but Kate held you tighter and rubbed soothing circles onto your skin.

“Princess,” she warned. “You know the rules.” In your opinion, it was a stupid rule, but you knew it was to foster better communication between you three.

“Just nervous,” you answered honestly. Kate nodded your head and hummed in agreement.

“So am I,” she admitted. You looked at her in shock. “I am,” she smiled. “Everyone is going to see how much hotter and cooler my girlfriend is than me, and they are going to convince her to leave me,” she looked directly at you, so you knew who she was talking about. With a roll of your eyes, you faced back towards the mirror.

“You are such a dork, Bishop,” you mumbled.

“I’m telling the truth,” she turned around slightly but still had her arms on you. “Yelena,” she called out. “Tell our girl she’s the prettier one out of the three of us.” How Kate called you ‘our girl’ made you feel warm and fuzzy. Through the mirror, you saw the blonde appeared in the doorway. She decided on a green cocktail dress that matched the color of her eyes. She smiled at you.

“I am ready to keep the vultures off of her,” she said. “Because she is ours.” It was ridiculous. The so-called vultures would be after your girlfriends, and you would have to fight them away. Still, you believed them. It was the way they looked at you, the way they touched you. You never felt more loved.

The party was going well. You mingled with team members you saw less frequently and listened to some of the politicians on their upcoming policies. You preferred talking to the Avengers over them. At first, one of your girlfriends stayed with you, but you ensured they enjoyed themselves.

So you were standing with Maria, nursing a drink that Yelena made for you. The blonde had a heavy pour when it came to her bartending skills. Maria told you a story about Yelena and Natasha; somehow, the blonde’s white suit accidentally turned pink when it was Natasha’s turn to do laundry. The sudden smirk on the agent’s face gave your girlfriend away. Kate moved behind you, and you could smell the alcohol on her breath. “Ignore me,” she whispered. “Pretend I’m not here and keep having your conversation.” That was easier said than done, but Maria kept talking, and you tried to focus on it.

Sober Kate was touchy and flirty but knew when to dial it back in public. Drunk Kate was a completely different beast. Her one goal was to make you a flustered mess. She was doing it now. “You look so good,” she mumbled, and goosebumps formed on your skin. “Fuck, I wanna rip this top off and fuck you right here,” you took a sip of your drink to hide the whimper that threatened to escape. “I want everyone here to know you are ours. Too many of these pigs have their eyes all over you.” She was how when she got jealous and possessive.

“Detka,” you weren’t sure when Maria was replaced with Yelena. Her hand was on your chin, and her fingers were cold. A shiver went down your spine. “Are you okay?” You nodded.

“Kate is drunk and horny,” you smiled and ignored the gasp the archer let out. Yelena let out an amused chuckle and leaned closer to your lips.

“I can say I am not surprised with how good you both look,” you watched her green eyes darken before she kissed your lips. Kate let out a breathy groan.

“Would it be inappropriate to leave now?” The archer asked. “I need you both.” You giggled against Yelena’s lips.

“I think we’ve shown our face long enough,” it was all the consent Kate needed before dragging you to the elevator. You pretended to ignore every Avenger’s knowing looks.

Delete Created with Sketch.

A week had passed since the party, and you made it your mission to stay off social media. You focused on your job, studies, and relationship with Yelena and Kate. Everything felt great. When you entered the break room, a few coworkers suddenly stopped talking. “What?” You asked as you opened the fridge to put your lunch in. “Do I have a hickey on my neck again?” Kate left one on your neck when she refused to let you go to work. Your coworkers had a field day for the next few days after.

“No hickey this time,” Tina said with her phone in her hand. “We saw this online and thought you had the right to know.” You took her phone, and you stared at a blog. It was a picture from the party which you’ve seen before. Natasha sent it to you, and you made it your lock screen. Yelena stood in front of you with Kate hanging onto your back. The blonde’s finger was on your chin, and her lips barely touched yours.

“It’s a cute picture of the three of you,” Tina said. Your coworkers knew of your relationship with the two Avengers. It was hard to keep it a secret from them when Kate and Yelena liked to surprise you at work. “It’s the comments we were reading.”

Curiosity killed the cat, right? That was the only part of the phrase people remembered. A part of you knew better to read them. The opinions of random people online did not matter, but you were curious about what your coworkers read. So you scrolled down.

It was nice to see some positive comments. They liked how happy Kate and Yelena seemed. They said you fit in well with them. But it was the negative comments that outweighed the good. To the comments, you were a whore, a homewrecker, a slut, and they could not understand what Kate and Yelena saw in you. They picked at every flaw they saw in the picture.

You handed the phone back to Tina. “You know what they say,” Tina smiled. “Those who pick on others are just jealous and self-conscious of themselves.”

“Right,” you said. “Now, enough gossip,” you teased. “Let’s get to work.”

When you entered your shared apartment, it was quiet. Not even the dogs were home to greet you. On any other day, you would be sad that you were alone, but you needed the tie to get your head on straight before everyone returned home.

You went into the bathroom, stripped out of your work uniform, and stepped into the shower. The water ran hot, and you watched your skin turn red from the temperature. When your body was clean, you stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around you. You wiped the condensation off the mirror and stared at your reflection.

Maybe the comments were correct. You could stand to lose weight, eat a little better, or change how you dress. The constant battle of your self-image was something you struggled with your entire life. You weren’t the most popular, prettiest, or smartest in high school. Your family lived paycheck to paycheck, so that you couldn’t afford the name-brand clothes. Every day, you compared yourself to those around you, and those on top of the social hierarchy smelt out of your weakness.

They added to your deteriorating self-image. You felt out of control as you slipped deeper and deeper into the abyss. You needed to get control back. One night, when your mother was at work, you took a razor to the thighs and watched the blood form at the surface. It scared you at first, seeing you bleed by your hand. You promised it would never happen again. But it was a habit you could not easily break when it was the only thing to release the pressure on your chest.

The pressure was back. You entered your shared bedroom and pulled out a small gift box from your Black Widow girlfriend. Inside was a knife with her and Kate’s initials carved into the hilt. Before your rational mind took over, you dragged the blade across the top of your thigh. With each cut you made, the pressure was less, and your mind was less dark.

You glanced up from the couch when the apartment door opened. The pup’s feet running against the wood made you smile. It was your only warning before a one-eyed golden retriever jumped on top of you. The air was pushed out of your lungs as he covered your face with kisses. “Lucky, stop!” You laughed and tried to push him off. “Get off!”

“Alright, don’t suffocate her,” Kate pulled the dog off of you and wiped the drool off your face with a towel. “Missed you today,” the archer mumbled and bent down to kiss you. You would welcome her lips on your any other day, but today, they felt wrong. The kiss turned your stomach.

“Missed you too,” you said. Kate moved your legs, sat down, and placed them on her lap. The sudden movement caused the fabric of your sweatpants to rub against the bandages. You winced, but both of your girlfriends missed it except Fanny. The American Akita was watching you closely. “I ordered food from that Thai place. I didn’t feel like cooking,” you went back to doom scrolling on your phone and missed the look between Kate and Yelena.

“Is everything okay, dorogoy?” You heard Yelena ask from the kitchen. You hummed in response, barely paying attention to what Yelena asked.

“Hey,” you were surprised by your phone being ripped out of your hands by the blonde. The Russian ignored the pout on your lips and put your phone on the table out of reach. “That was mean.”

“No, what is mean is that there is something wrong, and you are not telling us,” Yelena knelt by your head. “We have this rule for a reason, detka,” you looked at the archer, hoping your other girlfriend would save you. She stayed quiet but squeezed your thighs for support. You huffed, threw your head back, and felt tears burn at the corner of your eyes.

“It’s stupid,” you said. “Work just sucked, and both of you deal with much bigger problems than mine and-” Yelena quieted you with a gentle hand on your cheek as she pushed away your tears.

“Never think your problems at work are less than ours because we do different things,” the blonde said. “They are still important.”

“Besides,” you turned your attention to Kate, a playful smile on her face. “I could never be as polite and nice to some of the assholes you deal with,” she was able to make you smile. “Baby girl, you are a saint in your work.” You rolled your eyes and wiped away some of your tears.

“Do you want me to get you some food, and we can cuddle on the couch?” Yelena snapped her fingers. “We can watch the show with the talking dog and his high human?” You titled your head and narrowed your eyes at the blonde.

“Do you mean Scooby-Doo?” You questioned.

“Yes!” Yelena smiled. “Come, Kate Bishop, help me with food,” the Black Widow dragged the archer to the kitchen. You chuckled and reached for your phone.

Yes, work sucked, so you told the truth. Your mood turned as soon as you read those comments. The half-truth tasted bitter in your mouth. But this was your problem to fix. Yelena and Kate were Avengers, and you were a nobody.

“Princess, where are you going?” Kate asked from her spot on the couch. You were putting on your sneakers and placing a leash on Lucky.

“Taking Lucky for a walk. I’ll be right back.”

“It’s Sunday,” she said very slowly. “It’s not your day,” you shrugged.

“Just want to stretch my legs,” you said. “I’ll be back.” You felt the apartment before Kate could say another word. You used the stairs to warm up, stretching as you went down. You broke into a slow jog when you hit the sidewalk.

It was a new addition to your routine. Sometimes, you wake up early or stop by the gym after work. Some nights, you skipped on your sweet treat. If your girlfriends noticed the change and were worried about it, they kept it to themselves.

You were making progress, but you still cringed when you saw yourself naked compared to your girlfriends. Every flaw you saw was heightened, and you felt disgusted by yourself. Each time those thoughts entered your mind, the only way they left was when the blade came out and moved against your flesh.

The guilt was suffocating, and you wanted to climb into your girlfriend’s arms to forget all of your problems. But the dark voices in your head overpowered every rational thought.

“That was good,” Wanda said. “Why don’t we call it there?” You felt gross with the sweat dripping down your back, and your muscles ached. Training with Wanda was making faster progress than on your own. There was a deadline. With another gala happening in 2 weeks, you wanted to look better. You needed to look better for your mental health. You shook your head.

“I can keep going,” you said, stretched out of your sides, and took a deep breath. You needed to keep going.

“Breaks are good,” Wanda said. “They help your body recover and prevent injuries.” Logically, you knew she was right. Your body wasn’t used to this training, and you needed to work up your strength and endurance. But your mind was too dark to think logically. She saw you as weak and lesser, just like everyone else in those comments. This was a mistake. You weren’t an Avenger; you were just a nobody who got lucky. Wanda must have thought you were pathetic.

“Yeah,” you forced a smile. “Sounds good. Same time tomorrow,” you left the training area and headed for Yelena and Kate’s room before she could say anything else.

“Kate Bishop, give me the cup,” Yelena reached for the smoothie cup, but the archer held it above her head out of reach.

“No!” The archer laughed at the pout on the blonde’s face. “She asked me to make her workout smoothie, and you will put healthy stuff in it. She deserves a sweet treat!” The sound of Wanda’s laughter forced the archer to look away.

“Are you going to help me, Maximoff, or just stand there?” Yelena asked. The witch shook her head.

“I am not getting involved with this. But,” she sat in the empty seat. “I think you both need to check on your other half.” The duo turned serious when she mentioned that you and Kate had placed the cup on the counter.

“Was she hurt?” Kate asked, and her anxiety only lessened slightly when Wanda shook her head.

“Not exactly, but I would go check on her,” Wanda sighed. “I didn’t do it on purpose, but my powers wandered into her mind during the workout. They weren’t very nice thoughts about her image.” Yelena sighed.

“I knew we should have confronted her about this,” the blonde said. “She has been off since we had that Thai food,” Wanda left the couple and told them that if they needed anything, they should come get her. Kate put her hands on her hips.

“It must be bad if she hid it from us. We have that rule.”

“We must be smart about this and get our girl back.”

It was only a matter of time before they came to find you. You were sloppy around Wanda and let your thoughts get too loud. You had time to take a shower, change into comfy clothes, and sit on the edge of the bed. Picking at the skin of your thighs helped as it was unwise to take the blade you hid in your side of the dresser. The action was mindless and soothing. You missed the door opening, and Kate grabbed your hands. “Hi, Princess,” the archer whispered. “Are you here with us?” You felt Yelena sit down next to you.

“Yeah, I’m here,” you whispered, and your head fell onto Yelena’s shoulder. “I’m tired.” The blonde hummed in agreement.

“You have been hiding something from us, data,” the blonde softly spoke. “You might feel better if you told us the truth,” you closed your eyes as you felt tears form in them.

“It’s so stupid,” you said. “I’m so stupid.”

“Hey,” you opened your eyes to look at Kate. “Don’t talk about my girlfriend like that. I think she is brilliant and beautiful.” You smiled at the goofy look on her face. Sighing, you knew it was the right thing to do. Everything felt so heavy.

“A week after the Stark party, a picture of the three of us circled one of those Avenger blogs that report on you,” you took a deep breath in and out. “My coworkers found it and showed me. Some of the comments were awful towards me. They highlighted everything I hated about myself.”

“Why did you not tell us about this?” Yelena asked. She tried to mask the hurt in her voice, but you heard it. You never wanted to hurt them by hiding this.

“I worried if I told you, you would see that they saw and leave me,” you admitted. “I wanted to fix what was broken before you saw it. I am a nobody compared to you.” You angrily wiped your face.

“Princess, take my hand,” you gave one hand to Kate and the other to Yelena. “Nothing about you is broken. Those assholes are jealous and spiteful,” you knew that. You knew that from the beginning.

“But,” Yelena pushed loose hair out of your face and kissed your forehead. “Our mind is our biggest enemy, right?” You nodded. “You are our missing piece. We are whole because of you.”

“But I’m not an Avenger or a hero or—” Kate hushed you gently, moving her thumb across her lips.

“We don’t want you to be a hero,” The archer said firmly. “We want and need you to be you because you are a constant reminder of life outside of fighting and Avenging.”

“You are the reason we come home after every mission,” Yelena added, kissing the tears that fell down your cheek.

“We need you, baby,” Kate smiled. “And we will remind you every day.” She kissed the scars on your thighs, and the simple action caused more tears to leave your eyes. “Where is the blade, baby?” You weakly pointed to the dresser. Yelena quickly stood up and went to find it. Kate maneuvered you to lie down on the bed with her arms tightly around you. There was more to discuss, more things you needed to work through. Right now, you felt safe in your girls’ arms.

The night of the Gala, you felt your normal nerves with all the eyes and cameras on you. But Yelena and Kate quieted every doubt that entered your mind. As much as they said they needed you, you needed them.

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