#because now i can't help but judge it on the rules and morality of the real world

[auberginesdonthavelimbs]

Just finished book 2 of 5. I was impressed at how grounded and believable the protagonist was at first; everything she did felt like what a 15-year-old in her situation would do.

But then, alas, the love triangle. She had to be illogically in love with the guy she'd had two conversations with because. You know.

And of course he's also gross and possessive, and the other guy is a bit too but not as bad. But also literally just everyone involved in this situation has handled it so badly. Mostly before the book started. So much of this could have been avoided.

So, not important why, the fairies needed an in to human society, so they picked a fairy girl who was still young enough to pass for a human toddler but I guess in their culture old enough to make life and death decisions for herself. Someone compared her mental development at that age to a human 11- or 12-year old.

She agrees to have her memories completely and irretrievably erased. Her entire identity will be erased and replaced with a new person who will grow up thinking she's human. This kid has volunteered to die.

And this kid has a best friend, maybe a bit more than a best friend. And she - irresponsibly, cruelly - promises him that she'll try to remember him, and that they'll find a way to be in each other's lives again after her memories are erased.

That was nonsense and she must have been told as much. Either she was lying in a misguided attempt to make it easier for him or she really didn't understand, but either way I think it shows how immature she was.

So this kid's memories get erased. She's basically dead now. A new child occupies her body, who is able to speak and reason but has no autobiographical memories. She grows up and becomes her own person.

Meanwhile, the best friend is waiting to see the girl again. As soon as he's old enough (actually two years before that standard age, no idea why that was allowed), he enlists in the fairy military so he can be assigned as a guard to the girl. They are trained in combat, but the guards' role mostly consists of making sure no one finds out the kid isn't human, and using memory-erasing elixers to cover up any revelations. When the friend enlists, it's been about 7 years, and the girl is, for most intents and purposes, a ten year old child.

He spends the next five years spying on her off and on. For her protection, and to keep the secret, of course. It's still an uncomfortable violation of her privacy, but at least for the other guards it's just a job.

But this guy. Is convinced that his best friend is still in there. Worse, at some point before the book begins, he has managed to convince himself that he is in love with this girl, who he's never actually interacted with outside of spying.

He's a full adult. He was practically an adult when he first enlisted, five years ago. When she was 10.

This should not have happened. It would have been blindingly obvious to anyone why he wanted this assignment so badly. He was obsessed with this girl. He did not hide this fact. Someone should have sat him down and explained that his friend was dead and not coming back. Someone should have denied him the guard duty on the grounds that he is way too emotionally involved. He was clearly not ready to be normal about this child who was wearing his dead friend's face.

(And name, incidentally. That was also a stupid idea. Whoever decided that is also on my list of people who handled this situation badly. This girl, the protagonist, who was raised as a human, deserves better than to be called by the name of the dead child she looks like. It was already going to be hard enough for people who knew that girl to see the protagonist as her own distinct person. Giving her the same name just unnecessarily muddies things.)

And he is not remotely normal about it. He immediately starts flirting with the protagonist the first time they speak. A few conversations later, he says he's in love with her. Not just because she used to be his friend, but also because he watched her singing to herself when she thought she was alone. And whatever else he saw of her when she didn't know he was there.

And I think the adults in his life failed him, and I think his friend told him a cruel lie that gave him false hope, but also he is an adult now and holy shit dude no you are not in love with the child you've been spying on the last five years please stop.

It gets worse in the second book.

I am still planning to finish the series.

I just started reading a Twilight knockoff (affectionate) from 2009 and was delighted to find the protag was a whiny annoying 15yo. She apparently hates other teenagers and complains to her parents about being forced to interact with them. 20 pages in and my expectations are so high.

[wonderer399]

Sebastian : Why he is Perfect for Ciel

Ever since I was in the black butler back in 2015, I was like 17 years old...I was obsessed with BB...I shipped Sebaxciel very hard, I still do and will continue to do it and none of your petty 'anti' opinions will make me change my mind like ever. You are free to judge me and I will judge you 'anti' back as well...You guys think that you are being 'self righteous' ? Tbh in reality you guys exactly sound like 'Alicent Hightower' from 'House of the Dragon' after she was living her miserable life with her 3 annoying kids and had to stick her nose into Rhaenera's bussiness because her 'morals' goes against what Rhaenera was doing....Therefore, stop being annoying and you guys better keep your own opinion to yourselves...I'm 25 now...and I will still ship SebaXciel..until my last breath...I may start the fandom very late , however I have more sense and adulting going on my brain to judge what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'...and what should be kept in the 'greyzone'

I have always defended Sebastian, still do and will always be defending him because he deserves it. Sebastian and Ciel both NEED each other. You guys might think Sebastian NEEDS ciel more...its the other way around ..CIEL NEEDS SEBASTIAN and without Sebastian HE CAN NOT SURVIVE A DAY WITHOUT BEING KIDNAPPED!!!!! OR WORSE BEING KILLED!!!! SEBASTIAN IS CIEL'S LIFE SUPPORT!!!

Sebastian keeps to be surprisingly being 'Kind' towards 'Ciel' by every chapter and each chapter their bond becomes stronger than ever, mostly because due to Agni's influence. And I remember exactly Ciel saying that 'If my soul He wants, then I will make sure to get my revenge properly'...Ciel KNOWS what did he sign up for with sebastian !!! CIEL MAY LOOK LIKE A CHILD ...BUT MENTALLY HE CAN SELL ADULTS IN THE BLACK MARKETS 10 TIMES WITHOUT ANY HESITATION THOSE WHO ARE AGAINST HIM ....He is that cunning!!! We have seen Ciel's Kind side as well...Ciel and Sebastian both knows when and to whom to be 'cunning' or 'Kind'...Both Sebastian and Ciel are Extremely Extremely cunning and will and does 'BEND' the rules of the game at their own advantage through their extremely calculated and refined dirty tricks and schemes ....Playing fair is not their 'concern' ... but 'winning' is ....if Ciel is the 'King' in the Chessplayer, Sebastian is the Ultimate Cheat code and Chessboard in the game ....and pawns are the other characters ....Sebastian can't be the pawn ...Sebastian simply sets up the helpful environment for Ciel to win...Sebastian simply assists Ciel in his own game ....

Sebastian is the STRICTEST, SMARTEST, GENTLEST and NICEST ( may not be the kindest ...but he is still trying his best ...he gives me more like 'TOUGH LOVE' vibes your asian households will give off ) guy to be able pull up with all of Ciel's bratty tantrums .... ( if you even dare to give off the same exact attitude to your parents as Ciel does to sebby time to time....In the white household you won't be affected that much but in the black/latina/asian household, parents will start beating with flipflops no more attitudes.... compared to that Ciel is in 'heaven' as Sebby keeps tolerating ) Sebastian STAYS with Ciel through thick and thin ...Sebby never EVER abondons Ciel ( I don't count filler episodes of season 1 because its not Cannon ) ....Sebby is not that kind of 'mannerless' character who would force himself into 'Ciel's' arm ..sebby HIGHLY VALUES MANNERS,GRACEFULNESS and AESTHETICS...Sebby knows his self worth... we even see sebby getting 'blushed' cheeked whenever ciel compliments him for his good work and that what motivates sebby to stay with ciel through their journey together...they both appriciate, tolerate, they get and understand each other and the same time they are very fond of each other as well...

In the emerald witch arc, it is very evident that when sebby saw ciel was at his worst state ...sebby gone mad and destroyed the entire german military single handedly...ciel is very PRECIOUS to him...once ciel realized how sad Sebby would have felt when he kept rejecting sebby touch...after waking up from psychic trauma, Ciel immidiately compansated sebby with constantly 'touching' sebby 'affectionately' ...its like the two lovers being aparted for wayy too long and when they meet again, they can't let go of each other that easily...their bond just keeps getting stronger...and yall antis be burning lol ...because we shippers got the latest TEA DATE in the chapter 212 !! in the victorian era it was not 'acceptable' to sit 'butlers' and 'noble man' together ...let alone sipping tea and flirting with each other...its so sad that you guys don't like something that's fine! ...but don't dictate us and don't rubb your moral dicks into our faces ...keep it in your pockets

SEBA X CIEL IS THE GREATEST UNCONDITIONAL LOVE SHIP EVER!!! THIS IS THE PUREST FORM OF LOVE !!! SEBBY LOVES CIEL FOR HIS SOUL POTENTIAL REGARDLESS OF HIS GENDER OR HIS AGE!! SEBBY IS WILLING TO WAIT FOREVER AS LONG AS IT TAKES FOR CIEL TO TAKE HIS REVENGE!!! SEBBY RESPONDED TO CIEL'S CALLING IN THE 1ST PLACE !!

[lovelovestolove]

Any parts that you see in others that you criticize and loathe are parts that exist in yourself that you refuse to accept. Because you in your waking consciousness completely refuse to accept these parts of yourself, they exist in your perception as parts existing only in others. This is why many people have nightmares about ghosts staring at them or chasing them: these are also parts of our selves that we do not want to accept, that are seeking to be seen, understood and accepted by us, and because of our total refusal to accept them, we perceive their presence in our dreams as horror. This is the same reason why many people are afraid of the dark: they always feel that there is something in the dark, staring at them: these so-called "ghosts in the dark" are nothing else but a part of your self that you don't want to accept.

So it is obvious now that you are afraid of them not because they are truly something "scary", but simply because you aren't willing to recognize and accept these parts of yourself, so you "otherize" them completely and subconsciously perceive their constant search for your acceptance as horror.

This is also the root cause of your criticism and condemnation or loathing against any other people: you are actually loathing parts of your self that you don't accept at all, and because you are so completely unwilling to accept or acknowledge that they are in fact part of your self, you subconsciously "otherize" them completely. So in your world, these parts of your self appear as others that are annoying or scary in your waking life, and as "ghosts" in your dreams. Each of us has been so unwilling to accept many parts of ourselves, and this behavior is completely repressed below the conscious mind, buried in the subconscious, that the collective consciousness of the whole world has co-created all kinds of "ghost" cultures, sayings, stories, fears and everything about ghosts, all over the world.

So what can you do?

One of the things I've learned and found to be very effective is to make a list of the parts of yourself that you do accept. You'd realize that most of these are things that you like about you and others (e.g., kindness, sincerity, politeness, respect for people, respect for rules, intelligence, etc.) List them all.

Then, the most important step: list the opposites of all those parts. Whether you're willing to accept this or not right now, these opposites are the very parts of yourself that exist in you that you've been in total denial about and unwilling to recognize. They are the "ghosts" you fear in dark places or at night in your bedroom, and "other people" in your life or on the internet that you criticize, condemn and judge. You'll find that the points in your list are the exact very points you loathe in other people. You must remember: everything positive you see in yourself has a negative counterpart that exists equally in you.

Finally, intend in your mind or say it out loud:

"I fully accept all parts of myself, whatever they may be: when I'm kind and when I am malicious; when I am intelligent and when I am clumsy and blind; when I am polite and when I am vulgar; when I have a unique taste and when I have a lousy taste; when I love some animals and when I dislike them; when I want to help others and when I want to priorize myself; when I obey public order and morals and when I want to spit and litter and jump in line and fight others and murder; when I want to accept myself and when I can't accept myself; when I am profound and when I am superficial; when I am fit and when I am fat..." etc.

Acceptance of all that is possible and impossible in your entirety, which is, one hundred percent unconditional acceptance of yourself. This is the prerequisite for love, or actually - love itself. You have taken an extremely important step by simply being willing to do this. You have to do it. You have no choice. You desire to do it. You've been wanting to do it like crazy, otherwise you wouldn't be afraid of the dark, you wouldn't have nightmares, or you wouldn't keep encountering annoying people and things that you loathe, and you wouldn't feel lonely and feel life is a struggle or see a world in wars. Our selves are always seeking, moment by moment, to be fully seen, understood, fully accepted by us, or - to be loved unconditionally. World peace lies in finally realizing that as humans, everything we have been fighting, hating, criticizing, condemning and wishing to annihilate in others are actually parts of our own selves that we don't want to recognize. You must start with yourself. Unconditional love comes from you.

(You can use the solution based on the same logic for dealing with your nightmares mentioned above: after you wake up, talk to the "ghosts" in your nightmare, and ask what they are and what they are for. Then you need to answer these questions youself. Answer the questions by intuitively writing out the answers, or imagine that you are the ghosts, and answer the questions as them. Imagine that you are now the ghost, facing yourself who's waiting for the answers, what would you want to say? What urgent demands and deep desires you have? You can practice this method also when you are afraid of the dark and "stuff" in the dark, talk to this "stuff" , and imagine that you are this "stuff", and then speak as them. Finally, when you understand what they are and what they want, you have to intend with all your heart: "I accept these parts of myself completely, and I embrace them with open arms and compassion." When you are willing to do so, you have already taken an extremely important step).

It is very shallow and even cruel to see anyone, especially oneself, in a dualistic way (e.g. good and bad, kind and evil, intelligent and stupid, etc.): for example, if you think someone is "kind", when they have to do something that isn't "kind" for reasons that you will never be able to understand because you haven't lived their life, you will instantly loathe them. This is because you have such a shallow, dualistic view of your extremely complex self and the selves of others. How can one ever expect to explain or describe complex and multi-dimensioned selves from the view of 2D? Maybe right here right now you have a sudden urge to condemn others or yourself for shallowness, or maybe now you feel superior to some people? Don't forget that the root cause of any of your non-acceptance, condemnation, or criticizing of anything in other people all lies in your unconscious unwillingness to accept yourself as such, so you subconsciously otherize them, and it's something you do all the time. Maybe you just did it again now. Similarly, when you are afraid of criticisms, judgements and attacks from others, aren't they actually the critisms and judgements that you have been making against yourself all along? Especially when you see yourself in the above-mentioned dualistic view, you are rejecting some parts of yourself all the time: if you think you are "kind", you are rejecting the parts of yourself that you believe are not "kind"; if you think you are "generous", you are rejecting the parts of yourself that you consider to be "mean"; if you think you are "intelligent", you are rejecting the parts of yourself that you think are "stupid", and so on and so forth. All of these "rejections" of yourself are accordingly reflected in your aversion to other people in your life.

When you fully accept all that you are, you will no longer loathe any other person. When you understand yourself completely, you will understand everyone. When you love yourself unconditionally, you will love the world unconditionally. World peace doesn't rely on any organization, campaigns, or politicians. Fully and completely, it relies on you.

.

[iamthetruenhaz]

Freedom, sacrifice, empires, gratitude and principles - questions forbidden

"On March 3rd, I'd like you all to think about the following:

1. Is a nation's fight for freedom made less significant because one empire is helping it against another?

2. Are there better or worse empires or just close and far-away ones?

3. To what degree is the other empire [the one the nation in question is trying to free itself from] justified in trying to keep what it sees as its territories for its own security?

4. Is peace limited to signing a treaty for the cessation of the armed conflict, if the interest of the liberated nation is not met in full and it continues to be under threat?

5. Is it just for the liberated nation not to be present at the negotiations table?

6. Are the leaders of the struggling nation obliged to contend with the whims, wishes and mockery from the great powers without breaking diplomatic protocol?

7. Is the liberated nation supposed to always be slavishly grateful and obedient to the empire that has supported it, forever, whatever else the empire does in the future?

8. Bonus question - do realpolitik, objective principles or personal attachments shape your own political position?"

Those were questions I asked on March 3rd, 2025, in an attempt to put some things in perspective for people in my country.

Yesterday, 03.03, was the foremost national holiday of my country, Bulgaria. On that day in 1878, the Treaty of San Stefano was signed to end the Russo-Turkish war of 1877-1878, which we call the War of Liberation and which saw Bulgarian statehood restored after almost 500 years of Ottoman rule. It is a fact, Russia went to war with the Ottoman empire, which was far more brutal and violent to my people, and as a result my people who had been fighting a bloody struggle for independence finally had a state for the first time in centuries.

But here's where the idealism ends. Russia has been touting itself as some liberator when in fact the Russian empire acted as an imperialist power who hoped to gain access to Constantinople and the Straits and have Bulgaria as a puppet state (objectives it has had in mind for Balkan countries in all its wars against the Ottomans). At Russia's insistence, Bulgarians were excluded from the peace talks and the generous "San Stefano Bulgaria" was later reduced to a vassal state 1/3 of its territory, with Russian agreement (as signed with the British). Russia then proceeded to meddle in Bulgarian politics, established puppet rule through its own generals, when the Prince (Alexander I of Battenberg) tried to stop that, they conspired against him. When Bulgaria later united with what is now its southern half, then an autonomous Ottoman province assigned the name "Eastern Rumelia", Serbia was prompted to attack, and the generous liberator Russia withdrew its generals from the Bulgarian army, leaving junior officers to fight against the battle-hardened Serbian generals. Very supportive. Oh, and this "liberation" cost Bulgaria what is estimated to be 32 tonnes of solid gold.

Today, March 3rd is celebrated with pathos, and with more Russian flags than Bulgarian ones. But I can't help but be reminded of a similar situation in recent years: a nation fighting for its freedom against a brutal empire, helped along by another, more distant empire with a vested interest in the conflict.

I am talking, of course, about Ukraine.

You'd think Bulgarians would react favorably to this fellow nation with a similar struggle to what their own was. No. When it's Ukraine, which they're told by Russian media is a nazi jewish biolab satanic state, they have the exact opposite way of thinking compared to their own country whose fight for freedom they celebrate so much. Those celebrating March 3rd are frothing at the mouth pointing fingers at Ukraine because how dare it fight their darling Russia, accuse it of being an American puppet and so on and so forth. Instead of having moral and basic human principles and judging off them, they latch onto their slavish worship for Russia and therefore cast aside any empathy they might have for a nation which, like their own, is trying to break free from a tyrannical empire - yes, with the help of another, opportunistic empire, yes, with strings attached, yes, not as ideal pure heroes - but you did wave all those things away for your people, didn't you?

I asked those questions because going over history and especially the history of my home region along and around the Black Sea, I have seen the same paradigm occur multiple times. You have an oppressed nation, the oppressed empire and another empire that moves in to "help" the oppressed (with strings attached). The more I read, the more I always tend to empathize with the people oppressed. But people usually tend to side with whoever their "allied" force is. To them it's a matter of flags and "the memory of our forebears". To me it's a matter of being human and I think my forebears who died for our freedom (and I have some) would have wanted to be human, regardless of who's oppressing who. I hoped that this would be the kind of thinking those questions would steer people towards. Boy, was I wrong.

It became A SHITSTORM. I was accused, by a friend no less, of disrespecting the people who died for our freedom. Of being a "sick russophobe" (I am highly hostile to Russia given their historical attitude to Eastern Europe, the unabashed imperialism and the worship as "liberators" they have been pushing upon us, but in this post I wanted to set that aside and call for objective considerations and principles). Of neglecting to mention the people who died for me to be alive to ask those questions by talking only about empires. (Excuse me, how many of those questions are about empires and how many about a nation fighting for its freedom?) Of being ungrateful simply by asking those questions! Of questioning the national dogma that on this day we celebrate our freedom and apparently we should not think critically, we shouldn't compare it to anything else, we should commemorate history like an icon but not learn from it.

Yeah well, no wonder it keeps repeating.

[askanautistic]

Trans Rights in the UK

There is a bit of an alarming thing happening in the UK right now. Recently, five judges in the Supreme Court ruled that the word 'woman' when used in the Equality Act 2010 applies to 'biological sex'.

This led to the Equality and Human Rights Commission (!!!) very quickly releasing some interim guidance that basically excluded trans people from using any single-sex facilities! There was no guidance on how this would be enforced, which was also concerning.

Basically, the UK has introduced a segregation law!

From what I can gather, there are glaring issues with this ruling and the subsequent guidance, both legally and morally. There are lots of law breaches, contradictions, and fairly weak arguments for the judge's ruling.

No trans people, trans organisations, or even specialists from the trans-related medical field or were consulted with. Almost solely anti-trans organisations were represented in court.

In practise, this ruling breaches the Human Rights Act 1998.

In practise, this ruling actually beaches the Equality Act! (The ruling states that for the purposes of the EA, trans people are to be considered their 'biological'/assigned at birth sex. However, possibly owing to the obvious absurdity of having trans men forced to used women's toilets and trans women forced to use men's toilets, the EHRC have said that trans people cannot use toilets either in line with their legal/acquired sex, or with their 'biological'/assigned at birth sex.)

It's in breach of the Law of Goodwin.

It's in breach of the Gender Recognition Act 2004.

The word 'woman' in the Equality Act did include trans women - it was specified that the word 'woman' included trans women who have a Gender Recognition Certificate. So it's unclear why this is being ignored and the word (within the Act) being redefined.

The word 'biological' when used in the ruling is not a scientific or legal term. There are only two legally recognised sexes/genders, yet there was also no regard for the fact intersex people exist (or how this might impact on them).

Many of the reasons they gave for why a trans woman can't be discriminated against for being a woman are things that also apply to many cis women (not all cis woman are able to conceive, for example).

The fact trans people have gender reassignment as a protected characteristic was used to support the idea that trans women don't also need to be protected from sex-based discrimination. However, people can have multiple protected characteristics.

The Good Law Project has decided to challenge this decision, but they need help funding the legal costs.

Removing rights from a marginalised group that has such a devastating and quite disgusting impact is wrong. It's also terrifying. If they get away with this, whose rights will they remove next?

The Good Law Project states:

We believe that the Supreme Court – which disgracefully refused to hear from trans people before handing down a decision with the profoundest possible consequences for trans lives – has placed or revealed the United Kingdom in breach of its obligations under the Human Rights Act. In a 2002 case called “Goodwin”, the European Court of Human Rights said: “A conflict between social reality and the law arises which places [a trans person] in an anomalous position, in which he or she may experience feelings of vulnerability, humiliation and anxiety” and found the UK in breach. Following that case, the UK introduced the Gender Recognition Act to make us compliant. The Minister introducing the Act said it was intended to alter the definition of man and woman in equalities legislation but the Supreme Court, because it refused to hear from any trans people, appears to have been oblivious to this critical fact and decided references to men and women were to “biological” sex. [...] The Nazis forced the LGBT+ community to identity themselves as “degenerates” by wearing pink triangles. Labour’s policy means that for trans people to move through the public sphere they will need, similarly, to identify themselves as trans in an increasingly violent and transphobic world. We believe the UK is now in breach of its obligations under the Human Rights Act and the European Convention of Human Rights and we plan to ask the High Court for a declaration of incompatibility. We believe the legal arguments are strong – but we must also point out that the Supreme Court has revealed a readiness on the part of our courts to disapply, in the case of trans people, normal legal and procedural safeguards. We have put together a legal team involving several KCs and at least one trans barrister. The legal team will be supported by heavyweight policy specialists in equalities law and will be informed by the lived experiences of trans people. We will publish the legal documents in the case as they become available and as the law permits. This is no small undertaking – but, for the trans community in Britain, it is literally existential. We would be grateful for your help. 

This might not be directly related to what this blog is about, but I'm aware that there are a lot of trans Autistics. I'm also aware that many cisgender Autistic people might present as gender non-conforming in some way, and therefore might also be at increased risk of prejudice from the transphobes empowered by this ruling.

Besides, regardless of whether this might also impact the Autistic community, if we don't stand up for other minorities now, it will just bolster bigots to continue trying to take us back in time. Marginalised communities deserve to have rights, and to be properly protected instead of having to rely on the benevolence of service providers, educators, employers, society.

Please, please, let's not let Britain become the kind of country that demonises minorities and legalises their segregation, exclusion, and abuse of their rights.

If you can't donate towards the legal fund, please do support them in whatever way you can (share their articles, videos, posts etc.) and take whatever direct action you can:

Write to your local MP.

Write to the PM.

Complain to the Supreme Court.

Complain to the EHRC.

Join any protests or sign any petitions that you can to make it clear that this isn't acceptable.

Always fight for your rights and fight for other people's. Let's not make it easy for the bigots. If people try to dictate what toilet you/someone else can use, insist that they are violating your/their human rights. If your employer has a segregated toilet they expect trans people to use, insist that they are violating your/their human rights. If you're in hospital and you are, see or hear a trans person having personal info disclosed or being segregated or made to use the incorrect facilities, insist that they are violating your/their human rights. Make a fuss, be a nuisance, make this difficult for them to enforce. Make formal complaints whenever these things occur. Take up their time and resources with paperwork and investigations. Take legal action whenever possible. Don't make it easy for them by complying.

[ridiculous-hibiscus]

I'm an intp. I think I really like intjs but eventually they're all narcissists. Can't someone be clever, have emotional intelligence, humor and confidence without being manipulative?

Hi, @tikanw! Thank you for this ask! So...to answer your question, the short answer is Yes, absolutely an INFJ can be clever, emotionally intelligent, funny and confident without being manipulative. If you're asking if there are INFJs like this, I would say yes, the ones that are healing or have healed from the trauma of life, which hits us pretty hard.

Now for the long (probably pedantic) answer: From the small amount of research I've done (to help me understand myself), INFJs from the outside are a confusing mixture of seemingly opposite traits. But I can only tell you what I feel on the inside as an INFJ personally (can't speak for any others, and I only am aware of one other INFJ in my life).

I am an INFJ-T (turbulent). Took the MBTI about 4 times in my life, with intervals of several years, and got the same result each time. I definitely struggle with narcissism--always have, because from a young age, I seemed to simply "know" things and saw myself as a special snowflake 😬. I am keenly aware that my tendency is to self-aggrandize and JUDGE HARSHLY. So I have made what feels like a hefty effort to NOT do that. But it will always haunt me. I have a moral belief system that includes caring for others and helping them, and thankfully I don't have to expend any energy to want to do that. I want to be useful, helpful, the go-to person, the one who can make THE BEST difference and come in with the assist when someone else is drowning, hurt, or low for ANY reason 💞❤️💞. I feel that I truly care for people, and I am VERY tender-hearted, even toward insects and vermin. I am empathic, not in a "I can read your mind" way, but naturally attuned to the feelings of others. I think this creeps people out who don't know me, because I simultaneously care for them, understand them without speaking much to them, and hide my own true needs at all costs when in the presence of most people.

At the same time as I care so deeply, I struggle with people's decision making and behaviors that make no sense to me. Maybe you can relate as an INTP? 🤔 I've been forgotten and/or misunderstood by many people I've cared for, including friends, family, and classmates. I carried that self-righteous hurt and injustice for years. Now I'm starting to understand that my analytical, logical, "figure it out" process, which is totally internal most of the time, partnered with the desire to not bother anyone, not take up space, not be a burden, but to be ULTRA-INDEPENDENT, self-confident, and capable, confuses people. I've been doing the opposite of what's conducive to ANY relationship 😢. Not to mention that I get hurt by people who don't put effort back for me. I've reached out countless times, frightened and unsure of the reception, only to be (best-case scenario) smiled at politely and ghosted forever. I've also had reactions of awe, where someone was shaken because I knew all the obvious facts about them, but had never directly interacted, because of my quick, silent observations from a distance. I get it, I'm not for everyone.

I also struggle with humor. Usually when someone else tells me a joke I will get it the first time due to the extensive encyclopedia of references in my head. But if I try to joke back, I get an uncomfortable reaction, because what I said was too harsh or somehow off. Then I sigh and think it's no use. Again I am misunderstood. But I am used to it.

But I will tell you this: I have learned some social interaction rules, and had a few extremely kind people in my life, both personal and online, who were sweet to me no matter what. I married the most loyal of them, who is an INTJ-A and my rock, my ❤️ soul mate ❤️, my Person who Gets Me and I Get Him. I have a handful of women in my life who put up with my eccentric hyper-critical tendencies, and give me nothing but love and kindess without a hint of cattiness (which I can scent a mile away and run from) even though I am the most judgmental person they know. I know I am 😤😅. It makes me sad to think of hurting anyone with it, though, so I do try as hard as possible to welcome people, to be gracious with my words, expect the best of people's intentions, and conceal the blunt, harsh, logical things that pop up in my head. If I seem mysterious and awkward, it's definitely because I'm trying to spare someone from the nonstop hurricane in my head, trying NOT to slice, dice, direct, and arrange EVERYONE's lives and doings and feelings around me 🫣🫣.

I'd like nothing more than to speak my mind directly. Unfortunately only a few hardy souls are willing to receive that from me. And I would literally die for those people. I'm so dramatic haha. But you know, I finally love myself this way. And I know I am loved unconditionally, and it's ok for me to rest and not work ALL THE TIME. I have a managerial job that suits my analytical tendencies quite nicely, and it also gives me many opportunities per week to listen to people's problems, HELP them quickly, and feel satisfaction from doing so. If I can be paid to logic things out while helping and comforting people, that's a good day's work for me. To rest my brain, I lean into artwork of many types. I have been learning to open up verbally, to put myself out there more, to be more vulnerable with people that are safe. It's scary but wonderful.

Anyway, I've yapped enough, but thank you again for reaching out. I hope this helps you in any small way. Thank you for allowing me a philosophical moment with you...I truly appreciate it 😍. If you would like to talk more, feel free to dm. I am always open to sincere, kind, honest questions. Have a great weekend and week ahead!

Best always,

Hibi 🌺

[sirfrogsworth]

Very personal question so I understand if you don't want to answer. Did your diagnosis feel like a relief, socially? Mine isn't the same, but on one hand I feel relieved to have an "excuse" for being so friggin tired all the time. Society can't "morally" call me weak or lazy anymore. I can actually get some of the rest I need, without people judging me as harshly for it. No one's going to smack a chemo patient and tell me to be productive at all times... I find it sad that I have to have a justification for being exhausted. Nothing's really changed besides a label, but I'm suddenly allowed to feel like shit when I wasn't before.

I have a weird relationship with my diagnosis.

CFS doesn't have a blood test. It doesn't have a genre of specialists who are trained with a specific diagnostic protocol. The only CFS specialists are doctors who took it upon themselves to learn more about the condition and then self-label as specialists. Which unfortunately means there is a high rate of CFS quacks.

To get a diagnosis you have to go to every doctor you can think of, in every specialty you can think of, and gather negative diagnoses like Pokemon. And once you have ruled everything out, you have to find a doctor that kinda/sorta knows what CFS is, and they will officially declare you have tried everything and *probably* have CFS.

And even though most people with CFS are 99.9999% sure they have CFS, there is still that anxiety in the back of our minds that can't help but doubt.

Then there is the social stigma (which is improving) where new people you encounter, doctors, and sometimes even close friends and family, will very much doubt you have the illness. They might think you are being dramatic. Or you are exaggerating. Or they will think you have depression for years and shock your brain. They will think "Well, I get tired too." Or they won't believe there is nothing you can do about it. They still have that mindset "If I had that, I could get better." Or they will think, "If I had that, I could push through it with my epic constitution and boomer work ethic."

So, honestly, I am still kind of waiting for my diagnosis in a way. Every year or so an article will drop saying "The CFS blood test is almost here!" and then no further details. That damned blood test has been coming every year for like 15 years now. It's like cold fusion.

But I will say, when something else is wrong with me and there is a definitive test or a firm diagnosis from a proper specialist—that definitely feels like a relief. I am so tired of my body manifesting medical mysteries that even when something is terribly wrong with me, if I know exactly what it is, I am almost chuffed about it.

Doctor: The blood tests came back and you have life threatening sepsis. We will need to perform surgery to remove a giant piece of your back skin.

Me: Neat!

True story. (Warning: Very gross)

When I took my sleep study nap test and they were like, "Yep, you got narcolepsy as well." I was so happy that I had a "real" illness that I could use to convince doubters I was sick. Unfortunately everyone thinks narcolepsy is just falling asleep at weird times and they don't understand it much beyond that. So that wasn't as helpful as I initially hoped.

Now that Long COVID is causing serious cases of CFS, I have noticed a few people taking it a bit more seriously. But I have two uncles who think I am weak and lazy and was just mooching off my parents for 20 years. And apparently I have been disowned from that side of the family because of it.

But if that blood test ever actually happens I will come back to this post and let you know.

I'm sorry you required a diagnosis for people to take you seriously. But I hope your treatment is successful and you can just be healthy and not have to worry about stigmas. I'm rooting for you. Get that rest and take care of yourself.

[virgil-is-a-cutie]

Headmaster Milton Grimm is my favorite morally grey character in EAH, and because he’s my favorite I have to torment him by making Grimm Raven’s biological father.

He finds out on legacy day when it shows him (since it’s Ravens turn) wearing Ancient Greek Royal clothing walking Raven as Penelope down the aisle to Daring as Odysseus. The horror he feels knowing that he messed up as a Headmaster and father, he should have seen the signs that The Odyssey was going to be told.

He should have noticed that King Charming was slowly going insane, or when Daring Charming had to be crowned king at 13 years old sacrificing his childhood so that Dexter and Darling wouldn’t be burden with the weight of their kingdom like him. He should have notice that Raven is an exact copy of his mother in looks, hobbies, musical tastes/talents, temperament, and voice.

That great horned owl that hangs around Raven and King Daring it can’t be he wouldn’t believe it cause that feathery menace leaves him fresh owl pellets in is clothes or just drops them on him. That owl is Athena as she’s looking at him, judging him, taunting him in a way that he now he won’t be able to interfere.

It hurts him more knowing that his daughter is not going to be able to see her husband in twenty years as she raises her son, his grandson. He feels disgusted by the fact that the suitors that are going to be in Telemachus age range are going to be after his daughter’s hand in marriage for power not love.

All he could do right now is build a wonderful relationship with his daughter and visit her during the odyssey whenever he can. He can’t interfere much but he can help Raven in ways that matter if he just so happens to be there helping the maids with clean up duties after the suitors demise then he’s just doing his job as a father.

I...adore this but...shit no I can't say shit that I'm iffy about Mira getting with Milton when I legit have a Giles Grimm being Raven's bio!dad thing going on.

I love this, but I'd like it better that Grimm was in her life as her dad and as a prince consort to Mira and he either tells Raven she has the EQ legacy to follow or maybe as a Good Queen to comfort her.

Good Queen she would be as the Next Penelope and Milton and Mira realize that Raven will sadly only get maybe two years after high school to be a wife and then a new mother before Daring, the New Oddyseus be sent off to war and wait a decade to hear the war was over, then spend another decade waiting for him to return.

He knows Daring would suffer because of the cruel gods, so does Mira, and then they realize their daughter will be harassed by suitors who just want power and not to love her.

He does want to strangle and set Mira off on the suitors when they hear Hold Them Down, but they know the guest rules that they can't break.

He helps his daughter with her child, Daring's heir who he hopes is maybe the next Good King of the Snow White tale or heck a Prince Charming to one of the fairy tales.

[captainjonnitkessler]

a vote for a candidate is an endorsement of that candidate and they will correctly view it as such. if you keep voting for that candidate no matter what they do because the alternative is worse, they will have no motivation to change what they're doing

I disagree that a vote is an endorsement but I think you're right that they will view it as one, which is why the vast, vast majority of the work needs to be done between elections. It's voting in primaries, educating and talking to your friends and family about important issues, voting in local elections, campaigning for politicians you actually do endorse, etc. By the time an election year rolls around your time for getting a better candidate is up - the only thing you can do is choose the best of the two options you have.

The problem with using this reasoning to conclude that you shouldn't vote in any election where you don't endorse any candidate is twofold:

They might view a vote as an endorsement, but they don't view a lack of vote as an indictment. Young leftists, the people most likely to be pro-Palestine, have historically voted in much smaller numbers than other demographics. Young leftists withholding their votes isn't going to make Democrats think they need to move left, it's going to make them think they need to work even harder to court the centrists because at least they actually show up to the polls, and they're more likely to vote Republican if they're unhappy, making their loss a double whammy. And most older centrist Democrats support Israel. It's not in Biden's best political interest to risk losing those voters to try to court a group who historically never votes anyway. Basically - if leftists had enough numbers to make withholding our votes worth it, we'd have enough numbers to just vote in a better candidate to begin with.

2. Even if we were to grant that withholding our votes would push the Democrat party left, that comes at the cost of four more years of Republican rule. Only you can decide if that would be morally worth it. But in my view, four years of increased support to Israel and the possibility of the American military getting involved in the genocide, increasingly violent legislation against queer people in America, conservative federal judges appointed across the board, and repeals of all the progress we've made on the climate change and labor fronts is not worth the possibility that Democrats could maybe be pushed a little to the left.

And that's setting aside the fact that Republicans are pretty openly announcing their intent to dismantle the federal government to force it to serve conservative interests. I'm hoping they can't actually accomplish that, but having a more progressive Democratic party four years from now isn't going to help much if Republicans get free rein to lock in voter suppression and gerrymandering tactics and stack the courts with Republican judges in the meantime.

[wubbelwubbwubb]

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO asks for Five (watch out MANY are coming but Ive split them up to be nice :) also some of these are shamelessly stolen from ask games so the language might be odd but the ones that I did come up with are cool

What does Five like about their friends?

If Five could wish for one thing to come true, what would it be and why? How would this change their life?

Does Five have a moral code or a set of rules they have for themselves? If so, what made them adopt these morals or ideals? If not, why?

When a stranger meets your Five, what’s the first thing they notice about them? Is the first impression people get accurate to who they actually are?

What’s your Five like at their best?

What’s your Five like at their worst?

Is your Five talented at anything? How did they gain this skill and why?

What is your Five's go-to weapon?

Is your Five perceptive? Do they know when someone is upset or are they not good at reading people?

Holy moly, so many Five asks - I feel a bit nervous ahahaha. Let's see...

What does Five like about their friends?

Of course Five values stuff like loyality, intelligence, a sense of humour - but the most valuable things the best friendships have brought him are new perspectives and experiences. The first real friends he made after school taught him so many things and opened his mind so much - before they all turned into zoms, of course.

If Five could wish for one thing to come true, what would it be and why? How would this change their life?

This might be a spoiler, so I am leaving my text I've written for this out for now. Let's say that his wish coming true wouldn't necessarily change his life for the better - and it wouldn't undo the apocalypse.

Does Five have a moral code or a set of rules they have for themselves? If so, what made them adopt these morals or ideals? If not, why?

Five does not follow a strict moral code. Everything ought to be a little flexible if there are literal undead involved, and he doesn't have a real "set of rules" he follows. But if pressed, he would say that the strong always have a responsibility towards those who are weaker and that it is bad to think in categories of "valuable" and "disposable" when humans are involved. The Terry Pratchett quote about thinking about people as things resonates strongly with him.

When a stranger meets your Five, what’s the first thing they notice about them? Is the first impression people get accurate to who they actually are?

Five is misjudged quite often, because, let's be honest, he's not a particularly impressive guy at first glance. He's fairly short, always on the cusp of underweight, and very quiet. Most people would overlook him and wouldn't even notice a particular thing, or, worse, would be a bit wary of him and not put of lot of trust in him. But, hey, he's Runner Five! So of course they're wrong. He's not the fastest, he's not the strongest, but he never ever ever gives up.

What’s your Five like at their best?

Quiet, efficient, observant, tenacious. Just absolutely focused on the job, and quite good at it.

What’s your Five like at their worst?

Five can hold a grudge like no other. It takes a lot to make him truly mad, but if he hates somebody, he just can't. let. go. So Five at his worst is probably blinded by rage and senselessly pursuing revenge, against all better judgement.

Is your Five talented at anything? How did they gain this skill and why?

Five does not have any truly outstanding talents, but he discovered that he is a very good tutor at university. He is very patient and never gives the impression of judging someone for not grasping a concept. He has also a natural talent for all things involving numbers.

What is your Five's go-to weapon?

A baseball bat.

Is your Five perceptive? Do they know when someone is upset or are they not good at reading people?

He is perceptive, although not to an extremely unusual degree. But it helps that he gives off the impression of being very much not perceptive - as he does not react very much and often does not know how to show that he noticed something - so that people tend to reveal more than they might do otherwise, and sometimes, if they have to hide something, let their guard down a bit.

That's it, and thank you for asking! It was fun to think about it and putting vague ideas into words.

[archivalofsins]

Honestly, there's people all over within the Milgram fandom who just want to have fun when it comes to voting. I don't particularly understand how that aspect of Milgram is fun. To me, judging people isn't meant to be a fun thing to do or something that makes you feel good. Being critical of anything isn't meant to feel good all the time. If it did for me, I'd personally wonder if I was actually thinking about the information presented.

The fun in it for me comes from considering that my beliefs may be flawed and questioning where those beliefs came from. That's not always fun, and it's not always comfortable. It's definitely not for those faint of heart. So, mindsets like that seem like blatant admissions that some just like judging people for the fun of it.

Which to each their own and I may get flack for saying this but that sort of way of looking at it is disgusting to me. Even more so when that judgment is negative and people are still like, this is so fun.

It's gross to think that people can get genuine enjoyment or pleasure from making others fictional or not circumstances worse. At least to me, it is, but maybe I'm just too sensitive.

So, I dislike seeing this sort of mindset even though Milgram lets anyone vote for any reason.

It certainly doesn't help that the individuals I've seen display this mindset complain about the outcomes of the judgments the most. Especially when it's not going their way or Milgram isn't presenting things the way they would like it to. It is soooo much whining when it gets to that point.

Then loosely tying the character that is getting criticism they don't agree with to the lowest hanging ethical or moral talking point and going but guys. To just straight talking crap about the series stating it's bad representation or writing and going well it's actually bad it confirmed this because.

Sorry, it's just so annoying sometimes. Personally, I believe if people are really just having fun and don't wish to think about it too deeply, then the result shouldn't matter. Because they've already had their fun through voting. People can't have their cake and eat it too. Once you eat it, it's gone. You have to get another one now. There are other cakes in the world you ate that one come on be mature. That was the old cake. This is the new cake you took part in baking it. You're getting what you put in.

I don't understand all the complaining I've heard about or seen in regards to the direction Milgram is taking in certain areas. Because to an extent, the direction it's taking is the result of the audience's input. So, when I take a step back and look at it as a story with the audience in mind. It's easy for me to see how what is occurring now and will occur later is a direct result of what the audience as a whole puts in.

Everyone is entitled to vote how they want to. Yet, no one is entitled to the outcome they assumed would happen if they voted that way. Because it isn't the audiences story. The audience is just a character within it impacting the narrative through their collective choice and reasoning.

Think of it like a choose your own adventure game or book. The choice you make ultimately can't change what has already been written planned or how the characters actually are. No one can force someone to be something they're not through their view of them.

Milgram just takes this concept a step further. People can vote based on any bias under the sun, as is everyone's right, but Milgram will judge the audience for those choices not just through the use of Es' character but everything else at the series disposal as well,

Something it has been doing since trial two,

"Don't weigh me measure me against your morality. Just shut it, will you? You know it all. Feeling magnanimous? INNOCENT? I'm so not that. Just shut it, will you? You know it all."

"Holler holler from safety, so worthless. The fights up here come up to the ring and face me."

"You and you throwing around rules for fun hoisting up morality and feeling good."

"So, it's wrong. Oh, shove that! INNOCENT isn't that right?"

"Victim and Perpetrator, let's keep it simple."

Milgram has actively and consistently taken shots at individuals who vote using surface level reasoning. To be completely honest from the translation choices the staff has actively made, it can come off as though the series itself is making fun of those people.

Purge March extending it further by having Amane sing,

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. It's the beginning of a most wonderful day. However, there are blasphemers and silent by-standers, who would have it otherwise."

Something that not only called attention to all the silent enablers in Amane's life who knew about the way she was being treated but chose to do nothing but those within the fandom who watch Milgram but do not vote. People who have seen what Amane has been through but are choosing to do nothing. Dragging a very under discussed topic to the forefront the concept that no choice is a choice. So, it can be viewed just as poorly as making a choice can. Because when good people stay quiet, bad things happen.

Milgram also judges the majority verdict through the voice dramas as well. So, it's a bit outlandish to me that some still believe the judgments they make within the series won't be met with judgment in return. Simply because Milgram has been stating from the beginning, they will be. Besides that, no one is entitled to the right to judge others while not being judged themselves.

People are what they eat. Not only when it comes to food but the media we consume, what we're willing to accept. All these things shape one's personal identity and morals. I've said it from the beginning, and I'll keep saying it. The way I vote reflects on me as a person more than it does on the prisoners.

As Yuno and Mu both aptly put it, the audience is choosing to judge people consistently in this way. They don't have to vote at all or even vote anyone Guilty. No one is putting a gun to anybody's head and forcing their hand. So, on some level, people who are stating I'm just doing it for fun are no better than the characters they are judging. Something Milgram highlights well through their use of Futa as a character and his second voice drama.

That and by consistently drawing attention back to the fact that what has or will occur will be a result of the audience's choice. Not shying away from the fact that said judgments can end up having consequences. By ultimately refusing to make this easier for anyone or coddle the audience. Then going even further to highlight how the audiences' choices, while a part of the problem, are not inherently bad, it's a human response to judge things that one is exposed to as bad or good. Making it clear that there is no perfect or completely balanced solution here through showcasing that not making a choice can cause just as much harm.

So, it will always be funny to me to see people who are committed to passing judgment on others balk at reflecting on and internally interrogating why those judgment exists within themselves. All while still continuing to tentatively use their very personal morals and ethics to defend that choice and deflect criticism of it. This is just my "very' personal opinion, but this sort of thinking just shows off the blatant lack of compassion people be it large groups or individuals show when they believe or know there will be no tangible consequences to their actions for themselves.

Emphasis on the for themselves part. Because others do end up paying for their displays of ignorance and lack of consideration. These other people wind up getting taxed for their deluded and reckless displays by having to face mistreatment and abuse for these people's words or lack thereof them.

I know not only because I've seen it happen in real life numerous times but have personally had it happen to me within this fandom. I have been bothered over my opinions and the way I analyze this content. I've had people disregard my personal lived experiences and have been vagued about in every possible way. At this point, it comes with the territory. Recently, with the upcoming trial of Mikoto, I've begun having people make speculative and baseless claims about my mental health history.

Which,

A. Isn't any of their fucking business.

B. I do not have to disclose.

C. The act of doing this once again says more about these individuals than it ever will about me.

And most importantly

D. Has actively made me want to vote Mikoto guilty despite not voting on him the first time now just to get back at these fucking people. Because they've been that much of a fucking nuisance.

I'm starting to understand why he was so guilty before, and it seems like it's of no fault of his own. This is gonna be a surprise to read and probably get me more shit but I am petty enough to vote a character I like guilty simply because these individuals pissed me off. I can vote for any reason. It doesn't need to be helpful, I don't need to use logic, and I don't have to have empathy. I don't even have to give a fuck about my own feelings on the character.

I could vote this man guilty simply because Amane's verdict isn't going well. Nobody has to continue to be the bigger fucking person when they're continually being bothered and disrespected. I can simply vote to spite these people.

This is ultimately why I don't care about how people vote or how they discuss it. Because what goes around comes around. I don't give a damn what people do for fun to each their own. However, when that fun is at the expense of myself yeah I'm going to have a fucking problem. In this case, sadly, it has reached that point. I like hearing opinions outside of my own a great deal.

Honestly, though, if anyone is just voting based on surface level reasons such as it's fun. Like just fucking say that instead of tying it to morals that don't exist. If it's not that deep for these individuals, then they shouldn't play like it is. It's just performative nonsense as the people actually facing the consequences of the things these individuals jokingly espouse go overlooked.

I think Milgram itself handles this aspect of the fandom nicely because it's openly disdainful about it as well. Something I do appreciate simply because it highlights how while I may respect an individual's right to their opinion, I do not have any duty to love the way said individual expresses that opinion and I especially do not have to enjoy how said opinion ends up negatively impacting me.

Milgram is hellbent on teaching the audience that even the smallest action has consequences. So, if anyone is doing this just to have a good time or because they think judging people is fun and don't want that behavior interrogated. Milgram may just end up biting those sorts in the ass. Like Jackalope said, this isn't meant to be easy.

At the same time, having people carelessly vote this way is definitely going to make for interesting writing developments trial 3. Simple solutions always cause complex issues. In this Innocent (Forgiven), Guilty (Not Forgiven), or no choice system, there isn't really a right answer, just the answer individuals come to.

All that to say I'm petty as hell and fuck everybody voting Amane Guilty actually. If these last two are Innocent while she's Guilty again I am going to fucking break something. If that something is my consideration of other people's right to their personal decisions and my own desire to remain civil, so be it.

I'm simply not going to continue providing something to others that is not provided to me. If people have an issue with that mindset, well, it is what it is. Do what you gotta do. I'm just trying to enjoy something in a way I find enjoyable, something a lot of people should understand. I'm just trying to have fun. It doesn't have to be that deep, everybody.

The way I discuss these things is fun to me. If it's not fun to see, then people don't have to see it or discuss me publicly at all. Minding one's own fucking business is one hundred percent free. Take a bit on the way out if you so choose to.

[bandofchimeras]

idk there is no point to not being open about this on here bc what have I to lose. so here's another disability and personality disorder post (Also Pluto in domicile at the anaretic degree natal chart things lol.)

it's increasingly pressured as social fabric continues to tear, but more difficult to break out of this cycle of being around people who are haters and generally emotionally immature, as in don't understand that teasing and judging and criticizing and being resentful and jealous and greedy actually have a measurable negative effect on people... because now I am one of them. So they are the only people who stick with me.

Even if it's judging and criticizing for judging and criticizing. the mental habit is long and deep, and only very occasionally do I get a taste of the Light, the joy of seeing other human beings as these lovable creatures with their own inherent and interesting emotional realities that with my body I want to support and give space to wholeheartedly. To be in that core of Love. because in order to do that I have to recognize myself as one, which is like.....how? how after so long of being conditioned into learned helplessness and devaluation of myself and my experience? how, when my family can't and won't ever view my self understanding as worthy, when almost everyone I've lived with or worked with ultimately sees me as a problem, or something to eliminate,or I make them sad and disappointed? those deep cycles need INTENSIVE treatment to break and let the Self come through. I'm realizing how powerless I am on my own to do it no matter how much progress I've made, bc other people have to be part of this.

and after so long of being accustomed to mutual resentment and judgement, I am in a deep trench of hopelessness and fatalistic thinking. like it seems impossible for me to ever actually practice being a good person, which would require feeling safe and supported enough to put energy into efforts at being part of things and helping others. I feel locked into a mindset that everything will fall apart, people will neglect or abandon me and there is frankly nothing to do about it because at root, I am weird and awkward insecure and disabled and burnt out and this will always be interpreted as a choice, a moral choice, and my life is not worthy of living unless I push past all my limits and break myself on the grinder of doing what normal people "should" be able to do, or consign to a life of pity and being seen as a cautionary tale.

I frankly do not believe it will ever work to ask for what I need, or find the level of support I know is necessary to develop myself. because people will expect it back. and I cannot give the level of support I need right now. I can do what I can.

but the basic emotion is "it will never be enough." It is not possible for me to be enough. It is not possible for me to say no I cannot do that, or to say yes I do want to do that but I will need a team, I will need encouragement when I lose it, my inner resources don't exist here yet, I need to be poured into and shown how, helped to access the Source within myself, and trust it.

I have yet to be recognized as a Person. Seen, by somebody, by myself, in the way that grants you dignity and self respect.

that's the root to me where personality disorder and disability cross.

I do not feel hope that I will ever be recognized as worthy of love and existence and support because of the ways people are so deeply judgmental towards anyone who can't do what is seen as normal. and everytime someone judges another person as a weirdo or freak or suggests excluding them, it rebreaks my heart. To me it suggests there are rules I am currently following that somehow make my life worthy to them and if I slip up, I'm on the outside too, part of that extant disposable life.

Are we all living like this?

It's wretched and unbearable.

But also sometimes I'm that way too, it's possible to just dislike people or places or genuinely find someone unbearable.

BUT I STILL THINK THEY DESERVE TO LIVE AND BE SUPPORTED. I HATE THAT SOCIAL STANDING IS LINKED TO SURVIVAL.

So yeah, so long as this way of being is on the planet I root for the freaks on the outside who steal and lie and siphon away what they can get, because they are lonely or because no one is there for them, there is no one to fall back on except the abundant and harsh earth itself.

I want people, and for everyone to have people, but some of us human beings don't, and we won't, or can't ...my love life and friendships are this history of trying to befriend or love people who are deeply hurt and cannot let others be there with and for them, because if I could do that it would mean someone could do it for me. But I have given up on myself, on seeing myself as a human with needs that could be met. I don't feel I have the fortitude to keep getting my hopes up, or the self protection to fight everyone for my needs all the time. I want a normal life, and safety and protection same as anybody. But soon enough even fewer of us will have that.

We are gonna have to depend on eachother, and that scares me because it's where I'm lacking. I'd rather die than admit to people IRL what I want and need from them that I know they can't give me. I guess learning to tolerats that feeling is the next step.

Some days I'm ready to die rather than go on like this, but I'm still praying for a way out, and some hope, and the courage to keep trying.

[fmlsandwichartist-stories]

My family is trying to gaslight me.

The neighbors brought over a cheesecake as a christmas gift and I answered the door and chatted with them.

It's been 3 days since but I never had a single slice of cheesecake because we had so many other rich holiday foods. But there was plenty, and already individually sliced so everyone could have 2 slices

I left my share in the fridge. Came home from work at 1am and wanted my cake

It's nowhere in the fridge. I took out every piece of food and systematically searched. I checked the freezer and the drink fridge in the garage. I even checked the trash cans for the cake packaging. It was nowhere. By this point, it was 2 am and I wasn't going to wake up my mom just to ask if she ate my cake.

So I took a photo of the fridge to see if after I calmed down in morning the cake was actually there the whole time and I was just blind in rage.

Spoiler, it wasn't in pic.

I text my mom today asking about the cheesecake and she tells me it's right there in center of fridge. I go look and sure enough...

But i have my photo. It wasn't there at 2am

I sent her the picture I took as proof. She's stopped texting me.

And now my dad is texting me that me mom was "afraid for her life" lastnight when she heard me slamming around at 2am looking for my cake. So he brought over a new cheesecake.

I have grown up in many different living situations. In hs my mom had an abusive asshole bf we lived with who stole my food and I couldn't trust eating anything in his house so I started only eating canned and dried goods I kept locked in my room or take out.

In college I had roommates who constantly stole my groceries and I couldn't be sure my packed lunch would be there for work.

When my mom couldn't afford rent on her own and my sister and I agreed to move in with her with the 1 rule being she can't bring any men around (after her shitty abusive ex died) i still labeled my food and my sisters food with masking tape for YEARS.

Only in past 2 years have i stopped labeling food, and started trusting my leftovers will be there when I want them.

So this cake thing is hitting some of my buttons. And I was slamming doors at 2am fuming. But all she had to do was admit it and apologize. I don't need to be tricked and appeased with a new fucking cake.

I look mentally unstable in this situation, like I'm not the monster she created.

I've gone months not eating any food at home because I got sick of her blaming all the dirty dishes on me when I'd be at work all day and only eating takeout in my car. To prove a point. And she STILL blamed the dishes on me.

I'd buy all my own groceries because I'm an adult, and she'd go buy enough groceries to feed a family of 4 and yell at me when the food spoiled because I didn't eat it.

I stayed because my mom has had 2 knee replacements and can't do the stairs so great anymore so I'm here to help with laundry. But I need my own apartment. I can't go from a stressful job and come home to a stressful home.

I want to set something down and know it will be where I left it even 2 weeks later. I don't want to be yelled at for not reading minds. I want to keep my hairdryer and straightener on the counter and not find it broken and hidden in back of a cupboard (like i have 3x)

But now my mom is getting a hip replacement in February, so I'm not moving anytime soon

This is why people pack a bag and board a train/bus in the middle of the night without telling anyone. It's not bad enough at home that I'd be seen morally right moving. I'd be judged by family and friends if I abandoned my mom now.

But just disappearing..... never talking to anyone from my life now ever again... it's a siren's song.

[purplelea]

Do you feel like kariya is a good person to look up to? Like I know day 4 happened but that's like the worst thing he did. And I honestly can't be mad because that "hello, villain? Screwing with you is my job." Line just hits me weird. I'm tempted to write a fic but I dunno

Now that is an interesting question. I see what you mean by "day 4 is the worst thing he did" but that's actually the only thing we see. And while that's the most nefarious action he took, that's the only one we saw, but he's been a Reaper for so long that he most likely erased hundreds of not thousands of players before. Is Kariya an overall good person? No, I don't think so.

But, as you said, "it's his job". Here we fall into the morals of the Reaper's Game and I'm afraid I'm not qualified enough to judge. But I can offer some ideas anyway.

What's the job of a Harrier Reaper? It's not to mindlessly erase Players to rack up points and rise up the ranks as Uzuki seems to believe. Kariya sees further: he knows that the Reapers (Harriers, Supports, Officers...) all have the common goal of helping to judge which Players are worth reviving. It's not about erasing them all, it's about putting up obstacles that will make them grow (for instance, erasing Rhyme was the way to help Beat grow, wasn't it?) and erasing those who are not strong enough to survive. It follows the basic rule of the Reaper's Game which is the survival of the fittest.

Now that rule can obviously be contested in many ways, as it is directly contested mulstiples times during twewy directly, and by Neku himself, who believes that all Players should live again. So there's mutiples questions here: do you agree with the survival of the fittest? If not, do you believe that because someone is asked to do something, then that takes away their responsibility in the actions taken (it's "just his job")?

I don't have any idea on how to answer those questions. Just food for thought!

But on the other hand, Kariya can be looked up to on some subjects. He knows what matters to him (Shibuya) and he's willing to risk his life for it (for instance, going against Shiba or helping Beat and Neku in week three of the og). There's many other steps he takes in order to protect Shibuya (finding the source of the Taboo Noise, trying to find out what Joshua's deal is, fighting against the Plague Noise on his own to protect the RG inhabitants from it...) which clash with his "lazy" personality and show that he can definitely give his all for something as long as it matters enough to him. That man got his priorities straight, I can admire that.

I wouldn't say that he likes to help people because we don't see him do it that often. I believe he's doing it with the same goal in mind that he has for everything else he does: Shibuya's well-being. He helps out Beat to grow because that's what the Game is about, and same for Rindo, because he knows that having people who win the Game and get revived is a good thing for the city thanks to the influence they will have on it (see Shiki's influence through Gatto Nero!).

In the end, to answer your question... it depends on what you believe in. Nobody's perfect, and there's definitely people worse than Kariya to look up to. But it's important to be aware of what his morals are, because of course he's very much a grey character when it comes to those.

[300iqprower]

Astrea dead pissed me off with that impartial judge talk in Atlantis,,,, like if you don't wanna help just say that don't hide behind your class, especially if you see someone at a disadvantage that literally goes against what your class is meant for,,, why were you even here if not to info dump and dip?

Which leads to my next point—I hate Ruler Jeanne and Astrea because they use their class to excuse their impartiality in situations where being impartial is fucking useless? Apoc!Jeanne had a little "country girl, will chase you with a sword if you interfere don't fw me" vibe but Fgo!Jeanne is the most flavorless mf on the planet that you forget she exists outside of Jalter.

Which is sad because I like the idea of Jeanne being the embodiment of what people thought she was, someone far removed from human error and so saintly that the idea of being friends feels wrong, like your actively tainting her by breathing in her direction which leaves her lonelier than she should be....

I have nothing to say about Astrea as a character simply bc I don't care for pseudo servants that aren't treated like the vessels of the Gods and just an excuse to say "Hey look it's a fate character that's outside of fgo!"

Bazette should've been summonable without the need to bullshit and grab a celtic god.... she has a noble phantasm as a normal human she might as well have a slot in the Throne for that.

Agreed Bazzett got screwed by pseudo garbage

can't speak for Lady Reines event and whatever pseudo crap was going on there but I can 110% speak for the Atlantis Astraea bit, so

I am now going to have a very long discussion of what the Ruler class is and how it is fundamentally misunderstood - TLDR, Ruler servants are not supposed to be likable or even benevolent. It's not a matter of hiding behind a class, it's a matter of the class's inherent disposition being one of stagnation, the same way madness is inherent to the Berserker or suffering to the Avenger.

Remember when I responded to this ask about about why Avenger-adjacent characters are so compelling? To restate and directly jump off from it:

"Astraea the impartial god, Qin Shi Huang the mechanical 'one true human', Jeanne the inhumanly pure Saint, even Sherlock who is so rational in his thinking that it goes from sensible to a lack of empathy, all of these are examples of how the Ruler is marked by an explicit lack of humanity that directly results from them lacking the most human quality there is: Desire. The ability to want something, to strive towards something, to truly care about something for reasons beyond cold logic, to act in a sense of being morally right or wrong, is a concept antithetical to the class itself."

And I guess now I have an excuse to elaborate on this. I'll use both Astraea and Jeanne as case studies, starting with Astraea (Or at least her only canon role of Olympus; haven't done Reines but given it's status as focusing on Nasuverse OCs rather than the actual servants, it shouldnt matter)

Astraea is our enemy in Lostbelt 5. She may claim otherwise, but she is our enemy, not our ally or "guide". She is vain, unfeeling, and inhuman. Why do I say that? Because her priority is maintaining impartiality at all costs. Despite her human host, despite not being a proper lostbelt servant, despite having every reason to help us, she refuses to do so directly on the ground of "impartiality". She is an obstacle in our way, because she would rather be opposed to everyone to allied to anyone, all in the name of her "role".

Compare this to Jeanne at the start of Apocrypha. Familiar, isn't it? The "Protector" who regulated bloodshed. The "Rebel" who adhered to a corrupted system. The "Saint" who would watch Children die. (#AtalanteDidNothingWrongTM). Jeanne, until Sieg came along, was a villain. A slave to the Holy Grail. A lie concocted to enforce rules unquestioningly. The Ruler Class is not one of justice, but one of arbitration, and none embody that more than Jeanne, whose only motive at first was to uphold a status quo even though her life was devoted to the exact opposite. Key words, at first. But what caused her to change? Was it Amakusa's interference? Was it the requests of the servants under her watchful eye? Was it her sense of justice seeing the potential for disaster if Amakusa or Darnic succeeded? No. No. And No. It was a random innocent life completely removed from all matters servant-related being swept up into the events of the grail war that made her question herself. Only when something so pure a blank slate began to suffer did she so much as question herself, and even then she could not accept that until Shakespeare completely broke her with ease. Shakespeare who was described as the worst possible opponent for Jeanne. Do you know why that is? Because he is everything she is not. He seeks emotions, he seeks plot twists, he seeks performances, he seeks the greatest story ever told, he seeks change. Jeanne is exactly the kind of person he can play like a fiddle: A fool dancing on strings. Because that's what the ruler class is, a puppet to the grail's sense of order. A slave to the status quo. Devoid of emotion for the sake of keeping up this idea for impartiality.

I want to highlight something you said

"they use their class to excuse their impartiality in situations where being impartial is fucking useless"

That's exactly the point. That's why the Ruler class is antithetical to humanity. It is the concept of balance regardless of what the balance achieves. But in life there is no absolute good and absolute evil. There is no universal set of rules you can apply to everything - life is too unique and too nuanced. But the Ruler class revolves around the idea of absolutes, of a set of rules you can never break under any circumstance, a sense of perfect order. But you cannot be an arbiter in a system that is inherently arbitrary. Look at the list of ruler servants. Not only are there noticeably a LOT of them by extra class standards, but the majority of non-gag event characters who qualify are very explicitly villains. Out of Jeanne D'arc, Sherlock Holmes, Astraea, Qin Shi Huang, Amakusa, Karl der Große, Young Moriarty, Zeus, BB, and Morgan, all but the first 3 of those are major villains. Now look at ALL of them. Ruler Moriarty and his obsession with academic rigor, Zeus and his stagnation, BB's role of judge jury and executioner in a programmed system, Karl's goal of complete unity at the cost of free will, Amakusa's desire for much the same, (Even some gag examples such as Quetz's godly inability to comprehend humanity through anything but physical exertion!) Qin Shi Huang discarding his humanity for complete order, etc.

And that's what it all boils down to. A lack of any humanity, living as a drone for their role. That's why the Ruler is opposite the Avenger, because if the Avenger is an embodiment of pure humanity, than the Ruler is defined by their lack of true humanity.

[heehoothefool]

I'm bored so fuck it!

Here's your new guide to the DnD alignment system!

Now you may be thinking, "But HeeHoo! Isn't it straight forward as it is?"

And to that, random internet stranger, I must unfortunately say no. It is not. God I wish it was as straight forward as many people tend to try to make it out to be.

And the problem here is one very common misconception: that the Good, Neutral, Evil scale is about actions and doing the right or wrong thing.

This is incorrect. As much as we would love to judge characters solely on their actions (as we often do with people in real life), you don't typically have that choice in a proper game. You have to make hard, split second decisions, and sometime you're going to do the wrong thing. Plus, you can't predict that ahead of time when you're making the character.

The DnD alignment system, therefore, is actually about intention and motive. Good aligned characters often have good intentions. They want to help people in some way, shape or form. They WANT to do good (however skewed their perception of good may be).

A lawful good paladin, for example, might slaughter a den of goblins with the intention of protecting a nearby town. Their intent is good. However, they've also now slaughtered countless sentient creatures, so how "good" that action really was is...questionable.

On the other hand, an evil aligned character is a character that intends to, well, do evil. Just because that paladin went on a murderous rampage against this cave of goblins that was, for all intents and purposes, minding their own business, that doesn't make them evil. It would have been an evil aligned act if, instead of attempting to guarantee the safety of a nearby village, they had done it just to kill. Just to murder something or just because they hate goblins as a whole.

An evil aligned character wants to hurt people for the sake of hurting people. This is...the good majority of murder hobo players. Killing just because you can, just to cause as much destruction as possible. Screwing people over for the hell of it or for revenge or other similar motives.

And then that leaves us with neutral players. Neutral characters are characters that aren't here because they believe it's the right thing to do, but they also aren't here because they believe it will allow them to cause damage. They're here simply because it's what's convenient for them for now. It's what works.

Lawful neutral players will follow the law (or a strict moral code), not because they believe it's right, but because the opposite is much less convenient. Chaotic neutral players reject laws and moral codes because being spontaneous and unpredictable is what's worked out so far for them. True neutral players don't care one way or another and will likely simply act according to what's convenient for them at the time.

The lawful to chaotic scale is much more direct and clear. Lawful players will adhere to either a set of laws or rules, or some other moral code (though lawful evils and neutrals may have a tendency to only follow the letter if the law, not the spirit, like a lawyer or fae).

Chaotic players actively reject these boundaries and laws and often operate beyond them or go out of their way to break them. Jaywalking because fuck the crosswalks they're stupid! Stealing because capitalism sucks and this is so much easier/enjoyable!

Neutrals on this scale will jaywalk because it's easier to do that than walk all the way to the end of the street for a crosswalk, or steal because you can't afford to spend the money and really need the items. They'll volunteer if there's something in it for them, do the right thing if there's a decent enough reward for it to be worth their time.

So there you have it!

The DnD alignment chart isn't about whether or not you would always do the right or wrong thing, but rather about whether or not you would try to do the right or wrong thing, or if it doesn't really matter to you at all.

You can't align characters based on their actions, because their alignment influences why they're taking those actions in the first place.

What does your character think they're doing? It doesn't matter how questionable their methods are, a character is still good so long as their motives are.

In conclusion, Kyubey is a Lawful Good, good night everybody <3