#because now when i refill i usually do get a lot of options from the software and i rarely have to do it by hand

[coquelicoq]

wow i am now attempting to edit the crosswords i wrote a week and a half ago and tested last week and they are. bad. i've already completely refilled one of them, refilled about half of another, and at the top of a third i had just written "too hard + boring" so will likely need to refill much of that one too. and when i'm done refilling i will still have to write new clues...i was not on my game in late february apparently! at least the rewriting process has been going okay. i'm so much more efficient at this than i used to be, which means i can be a lot pickier about quality now. so that's a good feeling, though obviously i would prefer to just...do better from the outset lol.

[mariaofdoranelle]

The Toilet Theft

Written for @throneofglassmicrofics, prompt ‘Thief’

HAPPY SUPER LATE BIRTHDAY FOR AELIN!

Sorry about the delay for this one!

Words: 816

Warnings: unforgivable crimes (a small theft)

For Aelin’s birthday, the last thing she expected was to wake up to an empty bed.

Empty bed, empty shower, empty kitchen—an empty apartment overall, Aelin noticed as she looked for him. Not her ideal birthday morning, but Rowan must’ve had a good reason to leave her stranded like this.

He did leave some special breakfast with a cute note, so that’s what she focused on when her boss called.

“Salvaterre,” she greeted. “Do you miss me already?”

Just a joke to tease her grumpy superior, but work only started in 40 minutes.

“Galathynius.” A sigh that came from deep within his bones. “Can you explain why there’s a pharaonic toilet paper pyramid sitting on your desk?”

403 days before

The only bad thing about celebrating new jobs after being penniless is that sometimes you forget to schedule it for after pay day—which was exactly what Aelin did when she arranged drinks with Lysandra at a fancy bar in an hour.

But there’s a solution for every problem, Aelin realized as she ate dinner—free cookies from the break room. It was a lot more than the socially acceptable amount so it could constitute as ‘dinner’, but the jar would be refilled in the morning, and no one was there to see her rude misuse of that office perk. At this hour, the closest people to her were her new bosshole and Hot IT Guy, in a late meeting two doors down.

Back to her issue, Aelin opened the groceries list on the phone and decided what she could buy after her pay day and what she would get from her parents’ house soon. After all rearrangements were made, there was only one urgent thing left.

Toilet paper.

The only inescapable item she couldn’t wait until groceries at her parents’ or pay day.

Her eyes immediately slid to the toilet adjoined to the break room. At this late hour. When maintenance would be back in the morning.

No one has to know.

Before giving herself time to give up, Aelin locked herself in the bathroom and opened the little storage cabinet under the sink. The two rolls of toilet paper she picked barely fit inside her work tote bag, but her coat did a great job of covering the stuffed purse, since closing the zipper wasn’t an option anymore.

She unlocked the door, ready to leave, and noticed that Hot IT Guy was now in the break room, holding a dark green mug.

“Long day, huh?” He said, without his usual scowl for what might be the first time since Aelin first saw him.

A polite smile. “Sure.” Aelin readjusted her overstuffed bag so it wouldn’t be too visible to him. “Have a nice evening.”

“I—“ He interrupted her walk out of the break room. Swallowed. Put his mug down. “May I walk you to your car?”

Oh, for Mala’s sake.

356 days per year, and the hottest guy in the office decided to hit on Aelin the day she was committing theft.

“Of course,” she answered with a smile, because if anyone could pull off stealing and flirting at the same time, it was her.

With one arm slung over her purse as a safety measure, they made small talk in their way out of the office, and Rowan, as she had just found out, only got more attractive as he spoke, as rare feat for guys on their twenties.

A few steps into the open parking lot, Aelin was met with a chill breeze that made her entire body shiver, which didn’t go unnoticed by oh-so-attentive Rowan.

“It’s supposed to be spring by now, I’ll never get Orynth’s crazy weather.” A huff. “You should put your coat on.”

Aelin plastered on a too-fake smile. “No need, thanks.”

“No, I insist—“

When Rowan tugged on the coat on the top of her purse, both of them froze as one single roll of toilet paper broke loose, rolling down the floor and leaving a white trail on its path to freedom.

Present time

The staring part wasn’t exactly embarrassing for Aelin, but she understood her boss—it really was a disturbance, a three-dimensional, pharaonic kind of toilet paper pyramid taking over the entirety of her cubicle’s desk.

The pyramid was as wide as it was tall, and Aelin realized that someone really tall must’ve made that birthday surprise for her. Someone tall, who got up distinctively early to prepare this stunt, and who also knew both about her toilet paper incident and her birthday today.

Honestly, the Happy birthday —B card by the pyramid was an insult to her intelligence. That fucking Buzzard.

Aelin walked past several cubicles until she found Rowan’s desk, then silently crossed her arms before him, her questioning expression enough to prompt him.

Rowan put his dark green mug down and gave her a smile warm enough to shock their coworkers.

“Happy birthday, Fireheart.”

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[anticmiscellaney]

as an aspiring comic artist looking to move from graphite and oil painting to more ink/inkwash/watercolor like you- could you explain your process a bit? any tips for beginners? i love your art and you're at the top of my inspiration list right now :,)

Thank you! I've been using ink and watercolour for a long time, and ink/inkwash is definitely my favourite medium. A key tip for getting started would be to know the different kinds of ink available because they all work differently. The three main ones are:

Dye-based ink - these have their uses, but they are not lightfast at all (fade quickly) and they act kinda weird. The colours are very vibrant, but they tend to dry very fast, not be waterproof (tricky for layering), and stain the paper. I use very few dye-based inks. Some ink brands look like they have a big colour range, but when you look at the boxes half of them say "dye based" - don't buy Higgins those.

Acrylic ink - think of this as very liquid acrylic paint. There are a lot of fancy options, many specialty kinds (metallics, pearls, neons), but they aren't going to give you the transparent inkwash look. It's good for drawing opaque lines over colour, and you can dilute it with water for a wash, but it gets chalky. Waterproof may vary (test it first), and it usually has a matte finish. White acrylic ink is well worth having as you can detail over solid black or tint it with coloured pigmented inks, and god knows I love using neons, but I treat acrylic ink like "effects" ink. It’s not my main drawing ink. Daler Rowney is good and widely available (pigment-based is not the same as pigmented ink, this is still acrylic ink), they have a few lines at different prices. Liquitex is decent.

Pigmented/India ink - this is my favourite kind of ink and probably what you want! Pigmented ink dilutes well (it’s a transparent medium like watercolour) and often has a glossier finish depending on shellac content, and it will say on the bottle if it’s waterproof (test that first). It’s good for brush or nib, good for layering, works nicely with watercolour and other types of ink, can be mixed to make new colours/tints...she’s got it all. If you’re in Australia, Art Spectrum is great, I stock up every time I’m back there. If you’re elsewhere, I recommend Speedball for black ink (Blick Black Cat in the US is good). Dr Martins Bombay India Ink has great colours and they’re usually affordable.

There are many brands and everyone has their preferences, and over time you will find your own. I have a mix of different types and brands, though probably fewer than you’d think. Get a small bottle in one or two colours and play around, see if you like it before investing in a set. Don’t buy fountain pen ink or Rapidograph ink for nib/brush, those are best suited to being used in specific types of pens.

The nibs I use are Hunt #512s. #102s (called crow quills) are popular and I like them too, but they are very sharp and will rip up your paper, and can be a little too flexible and hard to control. The #512 is a good all-rounder with a smooth line capable of variation, and I think they’re a solid choice for a beginner. These nibs and holders are cheap and widely available. I don’t buy expensive watercolour brushes because ink will wreck them a lot faster than watercolour will. What you want to look for is the fibers holding a point - the brush should not have bedhead.

My only real advice to someone looking to try watercolours is to not buy the cheapest shittiest kind. You know from oil painting that all paints are not created equal and bad paint is going to frustrate you, especially when you’re starting out. I started with one of these twelve years ago and I still use it in conjunction with other sets I’ve built myself, I just refill the pans from (better quality) tubes when they get low. They last a long time. So do bottles of ink.

I’d like to do a process post, but I’m not sure what would be interesting or helpful to you, and I use ink/watercolour/gouache in a lot of different ways. If there’s a specific piece you liked the look of, I’m happy to demonstrate that method, or I can just go through my favourite approach.

As for comics...the best advice I can give you is pretty general.

Anatomy is a rewarding life-long study, but what really counts for narrative art, over technical accuracy, is GESTURE, EXPRESSION, and BODY LANGUAGE. Look at people. Look at how they move, look at their faces, look at their hands, listen to how they talk. In comics, you are the director and the actors.

Environments are a bonus character in your story and can add a lot of depth and atmosphere! Understanding perspective will make using them a lot easier.

Do not start with your graphic novel idea, start with a short story (under eight pages) and finish it. Finish it. Fucking finish it. Then do some more, getting longer over time. The best idea you never do is worth less to your progress than the worst finished piece.

There aren��t a lot of books that dig into the nuts and bolts of sequential storytelling for artists in a way I like. Filmmaking books are handy, but they’re dealing in moving images and don’t have to worry about page design. There are some good “how to make comics” books (the two Will Esiner did are my favourites), but as a genre it can be very hit or miss. I always look at what the writer/artist has made to see if I want to listen to their instructions - if you hate their art and think the graphic novel they made sucks, don’t buy their how-to book.

Bob McLeod, one of my teachers, gave us all this list:

These rules aren’t inflexible, but they cover the big issues.

For actual storytelling advice, the best one I have read was Directing The Story by Francis Glebas. It’s aimed at storyboard artists, which I was, but it discusses visual storytelling and explains how to approach it and the reasoning behind choices in a way that is useful for anyone making sequential art.

[pastelwitchling]

Can you do one where Max is in love with Alex but Michael and Alex just got back together and Michael finds out and Max and Michael fight about it and they tell Alex he has to choose between Max and Michael?? Please I’ve been wanting it or something like this forever!!

@multislushie

***

                Michael came into the kitchen one morning to find Alex sitting at the island with his usual cup of coffee, his laptop open, the blue light blaring, but his boyfriend was smiling down at his phone with a shake of his head.

                “Morning, baby,” Alex smiled without looking up from his phone when Michael put a hand on his shoulder.

                Michael smirked at the nickname and kissed his temple. “Morning,” he said gruffly before kissing him again. “Who’re you all smiley for?”

                He half-expected Alex to deny he was smiling at anyone or that Kyle was up early for one of his shifts, but the flush on his cheekbones was not very reassuring for either option. Luckily, Alex didn’t deny anything or tell him about Kyle.

                Unluckily . . .

                “Max,” he said.

                “Max?” Michael frowned, considering which Max. “Like . . . Max, Max? Sheriff Evans, Max?”

                “Yeah,” he laughed at something else Max had written. “You didn’t tell me he was an insomniac, too.”

                “Didn’t think it mattered,” he murmured, eyes narrowed at the texts between them before Alex got up to refill his coffee, taking his phone with him. He put one hand on the tiles, the other on his hip. He had no idea why it was bothering him that Alex was so giddy and flustered at something Max, of all people, had said to him. But he was. Bothered.

                “So . . . uh . . . what’re you guys talking about?”

                “Hm? Oh, just . . .” he shrugged a shoulder. “Stuff, you know?”

                No, Michael thought. He most certainly did not know.

                So he smirked humorlessly and said just that.

                “Well,” Alex waved his phone around, gesturing vaguely, “you know.”

                Michael glared, but it must’ve looked hilarious because Alex burst into laughter and closed the distance between them, holding onto Michael’s shoulders as he kissed his cheek.

                “Just stuff, Guerin,” he said simply. “We’ve got a lot in common, and he’s easy to talk to.” His smile softened. “Honestly, I get why you love being around him so much. He’s . . . kind of a comfort.”

                “Sorry,” Michael shut his eyes. “Did you just use love and comfort in the same sentence about some other guy?”

                “Some other guy?” Alex laughed. “He’s your brother!”

                He clutched fistfuls of Alex’s shirt at his waist. “I really don’t think you’re understanding how possessive I get when it comes to you.”

                Alex hummed. “Not everyone loves the whole domineering alpha thing, you know.”

                “I don’t care what everyone loves,” Michael dismissed. “Just you.”

                “Well,” his grin widened, “you’re lucky I think it’s such a turn on then.”

                Michael was starting to smile himself, leaning in to cover Alex’s mouth with his own, when his phone buzzed again.

                “Oh, one second,” Alex pulled away, checking the screen, and before Michael could start to get annoyed, he picked up the call and smiled into the phone. “Hey, Evans. I was just talking about you.”

                Michael’s shoulders fell. It was a wonder he and Alex had taken so long to get together when every word he said sounded like flirting. Did Alex realize how much he sounded like he was flirting? Was Michael just now realizing how much it sounded like Alex was flirting?

                Maybe it was that thought that had Michael snatching the phone from an unsurprised Alex and turn the speaker on before demanding, “Why are you calling my boyfriend?”

                Max’s tinny sigh sounded between them as Alex chuckled and shook his head, lifting himself to sit up on the counter.

                “Morning, Michael.”

                “Isn’t Liz annoyed you’re flirting with someone else?”

                “No, funnily enough,” Max said, “because she’s, you know, not crazy and knows Alex and I are just friends, unlike some people.” There was a rustling on the other end, and Max scoffed. “Speaking of Liz, she’s totally laughing at you right now.”

                Right on cue, they heard a faint “Ha!”, like Liz was cackling on her way to the bathroom, and Alex stuck his lower lip out, a poor attempt to hide his own smile.

                Michael stuck his tongue in his cheek and demanded, “I just don’t get why you think you get to talk to Alex in the morning before even I do.”

                “Uh, because we’re both awake?”

                “What about Liz?!”

                “Liz woke up about two minutes ago,” Max said. “You think I’d be calling Alex from bed while my girlfriend’s still sleeping?”

                Michael flushed at how ridiculous he knew he sounded, but he didn’t care. The idea that Alex was giggling and smiling at his phone like a flustered schoolboy while Michael was sleeping in another room left him uneasy. It left him uneasy that anyone other than him got Alex’s smile.

                Wow, he really was lucky that Alex liked him possessive.

                “Alex, quick,” Max chuckled, like even from the other end of the call he could hear Michael’s thoughts, “me or Michael. Choose before he—”

                Michael hung up and barely refrained throwing the phone into the wall and shattering it to pieces, remembering that it wasn’t actually his to destroy. Alex seemed to find the whole thing very funny, doubling over and clutching his stomach as he laughed and laughed and laughed at Michael’s jealousy.

                Without warning, he grabbed Alex’s thighs and spread them, crowding into the space between his legs and demanding, “You know you’re mine, right? Tell me you know.”

                “I know, I know,” Alex laughed, grabbing Michael’s shoulders to steady himself. Michael shut his eyes and let his voice wash over him, calming him down, soothing him, and when Alex’s laughter finally died, he was resting his head on Michael’s shoulder, his hands coming around to his back.

                “I know,” he repeated on a sigh. Then, “I would’ve chosen you. You know that, right?”

                Michael swallowed, holding Alex a little tighter. “I know.”

                He brought his hands around to Michael’s arms, up his shoulders, around to the nape of his neck to tug on the curls there. “Seriously though,” he said, “why do you get so scared of him? Max, I mean. For one thing, he’s straight, and angsty nerd’s never really been my type anyway.”

                “I know,” Michael said, and shut his eyes. “I know, okay? It’s just . . . you were right,” he murmured, and hugged Alex’s waist. “You guys do have a lot in common, and . . . you and I don’t. And it’s not just Max. I-It’s Valenti, Long . . . they’re all just reminders that you and I don’t make any sense.”

                Alex scoffed. “Guerin, I think you’re missing one crucial detail.”

                “Which is?”

                “I don’t like myself.” Michael faltered and instinctively hugged Alex tighter. Alex chuckled. “I’m sorry, I meant . . . I don’t like a lot of parts about myself. And all those parts . . . I don’t know, you seem to like them fine.”

                “I love them,” Michael defended at once. “I love all of you.”

                “I know,” Alex chuckled. “I think it’s because we’re so different. The stuff that bothers me in myself doesn’t bother you, and whatever stupid part of yourself that makes you think you’re somehow not good enough for me . . . I love it the most.”

                Michael’s eyes burned and he settled comfortably against Alex, his cheek squished against Alex’s shoulder. “So you definitely won’t wish Max was into guys so you could be with him instead?”

                Alex made a noise somewhere between an exasperated sigh and a chuckle, and he kissed the crook of Michael’s neck. “No, my beautiful, angry cowboy. You’re it for me.”

                Michael’s heart settled like the rest of him, an indescribable, a wonderfully suffocating warmth spreading throughout his chest as he buried his face in Alex’s shoulder and breathed him in.

                Then Alex asked, “So can I have my phone back now?”

                “No,” he said, setting the stupid gadget out of his reach and pulling back to find Alex grinning.

                “Are you joking?”

                “Hey,” Michael defended, a smile tugging at his own lips as he spread Alex’s legs wider, “you shouldn’t have told me how much being a domineering alpha turns you on.”

                Alex hummed, leaning in to press their foreheads together. “It really, really does.”

***

I know this probably isn't what you had in mind, but I can't realistically write Alex having to "choose" between Max and Michael, not in something other than an au. Might I recommend my fic Somebody to You that is actually max x alex with a lot of malex and jealous Michael.

Happy Malex Monday ❤

[oddballwriter]

Summary: You decide to change your hair color using the hair product that you get from the store. Your boyfriend Tim comes home and sees you in the process and has questions.

Warnings: None that I know of 

Author’s Snip: Random impulse won yesterday and I bleached my hair and so I got this idea. Also, I couldn’t think of a title for this so :0//

Notes: Also, just to keep it vague on what exactly your using ie hair dye or hair bleach, so I just say “hair product” and over stuff. So that might sound a bit weird when I needed to mention is a few times. 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy!

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

  Coming home from work to you was a normal thing in Tim’s life ever since he agreed to live together. It wasn’t easy to get here. Tim wasn’t too used to living with someone and having them be in the place where he has the most privacy and potentially see things about him that he can’t properly control. It took a lot of talking and moments where Tim needed to open up about things that he never told anyone else. But at some point Tim started to get fond about the idea and later learned that you’re still going to be there even if some parts of him aren’t as pretty. That’s why he finally decided to let you in and live with him. And as much as he doesn’t really voice it, there is something really nice about coming home to your significant other.

  However, coming home to the faint smell of something with chemicals wasn’t what Tim expected this time. He called out your name since he knew you were home, and he got your voice calling out “I’m over here!” back to him. 

  He followed the place he heard your voice, and the scent of that chemically smell, was coming from up until he made it to the door way of the bathroom. Where he found you wearing an old t-shirt you usually used as pajamas, rubber gloves concealing your hands, and a substance coating the entirety of your head, along with you holding a bottle that looked like it held the same substance. “What the hell are you doing?” Tim asked looking at you completely confused while you acted like you weren’t doing something weird. 

  “Changing my hair color.” you responded. “Why?” he asked, still confused about other things involving this situation. “Because I felt like it.” you responded. 

  “Where did you get all this?” Tim questioned, gesturing to the bottle and bowl of hair color product. “I got it two days ago, when I went to the pharmacy with you.” you claimed. 

  Tim does remember you going to the pharmacy with him to get something while he got his medication. You went off to some random aisle and by the time he was done getting his refill, you already had a bag of something that you already paid for. He didn’t think anything of it but looking back on that he now had the answer right in front of him. 

  “Why didn’t you go to a salon or something?” he asked, now just wondering why you wanted to do this yourself. “Because it’s expensive to get it done at a salon. Why pay someone else to do it for $50 to $80 when you can just go to a pharmacy and get a box of the same stuff for like 15 bucks?” you said as you worked the product more into your hair. Tim could see the point in that, it did sound like a better option if someone didn’t want to blow a bunch of money for something you could do yourself. 

  “This isn’t going to make a mess is it? Like stain the shower or anything?” Tim remarked. “I mean, it’s gonna stain the shower a bit when I wash it out once my hair takes in the color but it’s fine. I can just scrub it out with some water with a little bleach.” you said. 

  “Alright then.” Tim said. “How long to you have to have that on?” he asked referring to all the product that was in your hair. “I need to put a cap on to make sure it doesn’t dry up and wait for thirty minutes or until it gets my hair to how I want it.” you mentioned. Tim hummed in response. 

  “Well find something to do during that time that isn’t in the same room as me because I don’t think I’m gonna be able to take you seriously while you look like that.” Tim remarked with his voice starting to shake a bit as he tried to hold in some laughs. “I love you too.” you remarked with playful sarcasm. 

  “I’m sure whatever color it comes out as it’ll look nice.” Tim said as he walked away from the doorway to do something else. 

[kerinne]

I was invited to and attended a girls only party the other night. It was in a high-rise in surfers Paradise. When I got there they would’ve been 20 or more girls there all in various stages of undress. Some were topless, some were bottomless and some were completely naked, it really was my kind of party.  I saw Lara on the other side of the room, but I couldn’t get her attention. She was concentrating on two girls who are 69ing on the floor in front of her. I sipped my wine and smiled to myself thinking that was right up Lara’s street.  I’d catch up with her later, if I could find her.  I went for a walk around the apartment, I hadn’t realised how big an apartment it was, it was four bedrooms with a couple of bathrooms. All the bedrooms were occupied, but I got a good eyeful at each.  I thought to myself that I am the odd one out, I’m the only one on her own, but I hoped that didn’t last too long.  I got a refill of wine, and I sat on the sofa, sure enough, I was soon joined  by a lovely young blonde cutie  who was topless and pretty pissed. She put my hands on her breasts and put her hands on my breasts, the only difference was, she was topless, but I was still dressed. She started unbuttoning my top, I wasn’t wearing a bra, and all too soon she was feeling my breasts skin on skin. It felt wonderful and sexy as hell.  she suggested that we go into one of the bedrooms. (This was all new to me, because I was usually the one doing the leading) and here I was being led around by this young blonde. We entered the bedroom which was quite dark, but I could just make out that there was already someone in the bed. My young blonde asked if it would be okay for us to join them on the bed? She received an affirmative reply, so she stripped off and so did I. 

How cool, the body already on the bed, turned out to be female. And what a female?? Donna yeah she turned into one sexy bitchin woman with a tongue that never stays still. Yummy….. …I’ve spent hours with her and she’s a machine eating pussy and licking clits, erect lifting the hood over your clit, so sensitive so wow. She’s good, damn……totally excellent.

After I played with Donna awhile I turned away from her and I saw next to me, my young blonde lay naked in the light from the door smiling at me her hands touching and feeling my body, wow my body is tingling all over as she is touching my rude bits but I seriously fucken love it.

We did everything we were able to imagine. She lay between my legs and she licked up all my cunt juice then starting on my clit licking it and sucking it nonstop until I begged her to stop. I’d had so many orgasms I totally lost count but it was like 11 or 13 or something and it was so cool, I loved it

But now I lay with my pretty blonde naked as was I, facing me smiling and asked “what d’ya think we should do?” I answered well what are our options?? We could try some tribbing is one or we could try 69ing right here right now ?? Is another option another is lots of playing with tits and nibbling nipples and lots of fun kissing each other’s lips and cheeks and necks and breasts. I’m in sexual heaven right now with this gorgeous blue eyed and platinum blonde haired Beauty who wants me to command her to do things to me like licking my vag and making me cum or tribbing with her, rubbing our clits together, it’s a very sexy thing to watch especially if it’s you doing it, I don’t have sex with my eyes closed, so of course I’m watching everything and doing it too. So cool I’m still tingling all over. Before I could say anything, she climbed on top of me in the 69 position and started licking my pussy, I had to reciprocate, so I started licking her. I could taste her juices, she tasted sweet and hot. 

My hips started to move to the same rate as her licking, as she started to bring me towards an orgasm.  my body began to clinch, my back arched and I pushed myself up towards her mouth. She started edging me, but I couldn’t stand it,I pushed myself up towards her mouth and gripped her head with my legs and finally, I was there, my orgasm flowed over and through me, it seemed to go on forever but soon enough, I was back on planet earth. LOL, I was licking her sweet pussy and I could feel her body clench as she approached her orgasm,  then she lifted up off, my body, resting on her arms. I felt her body climax, it felt wonderful,  her whole body, shivered as her orgasm rolled over her. 

Over the last year or so I have been invited to a few of these types of parties  but I’ve never gone thinking I’d be the odd one out being on my own. But I know better now, next time, I get an invitation I’ll say yes. 

Anyway, my darlings that’s about it for now, I’ll talk to you all again soon. Bye my darlings.

[d-a-mante]

Unasked for marker guide/review because...I have thoughts. Those thoughts are that Copics are overrated.

I. So you wanna get started on using alcohol markers. General things to remember:

a. swatch markers on each paper you use. Colors can look different per paper.

b. do not work in an enclosed space. They smell like Sharpies sometimes.

c. there are lots of videos on Youtube on marker technique. Look up blending and layering.

II. Now you wanna pick your marker set.

When I started, the advice was to get grey markers only at first, and build a collection of (expensive) markers from there. Now though I think the price has gone down enough that I say: get as big a set of colors as you can afford.

a. An okay option at the "dirt cheap" range are Touchfive/Touchnew/Touch Quici markers. I've lumped these together because they all perform the same, have the same colors, and I'm pretty sure they're manufactured at the same factory.

You can do the usual marker techniques with these markers, but I recommend using good paper. You'll want smooth, thick (120gsm or above) absorbent paper. A lot of markers can work on printer paper--not these.

The problem with these markers is that the ink is too "runny". It soaks the paper too quickly, so layering becomes more difficult on thin paper. That also affects blending, as the lighter color "bleaches out" the darker color. Proper paper helps with that problem, if not eliminates it.

b. M&G Signme and Superior markers. These two cost about the same (affordable but not as cheap as the first one). These are difficult to find now. Also the color range is not great-- you won't get pastels and muted skin colors. However, the ink is much better quality than Touchetc., and my M&G markers have lasted 5 years now.

c. Finecolour (also listed as Fakale) markers. Copic knockoffs that are actually pretty good. Layers well, blends well. They also have ink refills and nib replacements (if available in your country). If you want a fine nib, they have that kind. If you prefer brush nibs, they got that too. The only cons are that they are not that easy to find, and the skin colors tend to be warmer.

d. Kurecolor and Promarkers. Lumped together because of similar nib types, quality, price, and color range. Promarkers probably have the best, smoothest ink of any marker I've used. They don't have the "spotting"* problem of some markers (even Copic has that problem), and they can work even on the cheapest of papers. Con? They have a fine nib instead of a brush nib. The Brushmarker (brush version of Promarker) has a weird draggy brush that I don't like.

spotting is what I call the tiny white dots that appear on the paper after it's soaked with the marker ink. It's not that visible, especially at a good distance, but it means the color isn't completely smooth. The effect varies with colors and papers.

e. Touch Twin/Touch Brush markers by Shinhan. Didn't I cover Touch markers before? No, the cheap ones are the knockoffs of these. Actual Shinhan Touch markers are more expensive than even Promarkers. The ink is a little worse than Promarkers (they have a bit of that spotting), but they are still pretty good. Light colored markers don't last though-- the dye fades after a few years. Pros: the color selection is beautiful, especially the muted tones. Almost reminds me of Copic.

f. Ohuhu markers. I haven't used these, but they're well recommended and they're cheaper than Copics. Don't buy Copics.

[cookinguptales]

I'd love a reading 🐈 Thank you so much!

No problem! 🐕

(Two of Cups (reversed), Four of Swords, Eight of Swords)

Weird how we keep getting reversed-upright-upright. I promise I'm shuffling well. lmao

This is another reading that gives me pause. (Boy, we're just... having a time tonight, aren't we?) Again, it's largely negative but not without hope.

This reading gives me the impression that you're having a really rough time right now, anon, and I'm sorry to hear that.

The Two of Cups is usually a card about a good partnership between two people, but reversed... well, not so much. This is a card of tension and distance, and often speaks to a breakup of some kind -- romantic or otherwise. You may be fighting with someone that you love and trust, or you may simply be drifting apart. Or, and this is kind of my hunch here, this may be talking about a difficult time that already happened. There is a past relationship that you're really struggling to move on from, and that's causing you a lot of emotional distress.

Why do I suspect this is a past issue? Well, because of the next card. The Four of Swords is a card that tends to show up after something bad has happened. You may be out of the woods, you may not be, but this is a card that cautions you to rest. Regroup. Restore yourself. Start to let go of the painful things that have happened and begin the process of healing.

Finally, we have the Eight of Swords. This is a sword that generally indicates that you feel trapped. You may not see a way out of the conflict and grief that's surrounding you, and you feel like the world is closing in on you. That your options are beyond your reach. But... the keyword with the Eight of Swords is "feel". You feel trapped. But you aren't. It's a cage that exists only in your own mind, and your helplessness is a mirage.

When I put both of these Swords cards together, it tells me that you very much feel stuck now, and it's largely because of the traumatic things you've gone through in the past. And -- I mean, it's good to take time. It's good to rest. But part of rest is gathering that energy to eventually use it. Take this time to reflect on your situation, both back then and now, and use all that gathered energy to break out of the cage that you've created for yourself. You are not helpless. You have a well of inner strength that has been slowly refilling itself, and the future holds hope that soon you'll be able to use it.

Have faith in yourself, anon -- I do! I know that life can throw horrible things at you, and the dissolution of a strong relationship can hurt so badly. But you're not helpless, you're not irreparable, and I believe that you're building the strength to heal from this and break out of the bonds of grief to go back out into the world.

It's time to try again, don't you think?

[foxstens]

yea... blasphemous gets hard

it has an ng+ plus mode which gives you access to new bosses, i think an entire area, and also the true ending of the game, but also gives enemies more health, and you can choose from three options to make the game even harder. you can do it without any of them but each has a reward. and yea, ng+ basically means you replay the game but you retain all of the abilities skills and powerups you got previously, you’ll just be missing all the collectibles, currency, health and energy upgrades, and of course you have to discover each area and fight each boss all over again.

i’ve been doing this with one of the difficulty options that transforms your health bar into health orbs and halves the damage of your sword, it hasn’t been too bad, getting around and making progress takes a lot less time bc i know what the heck im doing, and everything does one orb of damage which is mostly a good thing. but i only get like 9 life orbs total and the flasks which previously refilled most of my health, now refill one orb instantly and then all the other ones over time. kind of like hiveblood i guess. which is really good in the overworld when you can just chill until your health refills but really freaking hard during boss fights jesus christ. like beating the three sisters platforming boss took me like three times as many tries as on my first fucking playthrough what the fuck

and it’s even harder now that i’m in the late-game like my fully-upgraded sword only does half damage and the enemies have so much health and one particular mini-boss is so fucking difficult for me i had to find a way to get around it so i don’t have to grind until i manage to kill it somehow. and now i’m in the prison area which i really liked on my first playthrough, i like its design, the enemies weren’t too bad and it has one of my favourite bosses, but this time around i am strugglinggggggg. there’s one enemy that just kind of screams and charges at you, they take like 5 hits to die now and that should be fine except that hitting them doesn’t stop their charge so you gotta dodge first then hit and then do it all over again, but it’s very easy to get stun-locked because they attack faster than you can get up from getting knocked over. so i entered this area five minutes ago and i’ve already died twice eh.

i’ve also tried two of the bosses required for the true ending that i never beat in my first playthrough, one of them is really cool, very much a dance kind of fight, really reminds me of troupe master grimm as far as the structure of the fight and even the overall vibe, i got close to beating her a few times but then quit bc i got tired. 

the other one however, is in a very weird area, it’s a small area that has nothing interesting in it, one boss one collectible and extremely, extremely tanky enemies. the boss itself is kinda cool, visually it looks pretty different from other bosses i’ve come across and its attacks are all very easy to avoid, but it’s just. its health is obnoxious.

with my sword damage nerfed of course everything takes longer to die even if i abuse spells as much as possible, and that’s fine, i knew that going in, BUT THIS GUY IS FREAKING ABSURD. USUALLY WHEN I HIT A BOSS WITH MY SWORD I CAN SEE A BIT OF THEIR HEALTHBAR DISAPPEAR, THAT’S HOW ATTACKS WORK, BUT WITH THIS GUY IT TAKES LIKE 5 SWORD HITS FOR ONE TINY FRACTION OF ITS HEALTH TO GO AWAY. EVEN MY COMBO FINISHERS THAT DO 3 TIMES THE NORMAL SWORD DAMAGE AND EVEN MY POWERED UP SPELLS THAT DO 200% MORE DAMAGE BARELY SCRATCH IT WHAT THE HECK

and it’s so easy like in my first try i got well into its second phase before i died but holy fuck it takes so long. it takes so fucking long it’s so annoying. i do not understand this design decision, no other boss i’ve fought takes even a third the amount of time this fight goes on. i mean there’s like 4 or so bosses i haven’t fought yet but i don’t think they would have this much health. at least i hope not. i mean i’d like to finish this playthrough sometime this century maybe. 

still having fun tho, am excited for everything i haven’t done yet and i’m also going to have to try some of the other difficulty options, though i might not end up going through the entire game with them. but even if i don’t i do want to do another full playthrough on normal mode bc you need to select an existing save file to access the boss rush and the difficulty on that save file carries over so... yeah.

[hypaalicious]

Some good tips I definitely did not figure out until I played most of a year of Twisted Wonderland:

Save your LP refill items for events that require you to farm lessons for event coins. I used to blow through them when I first started because the grind is REAL in this game, but once you get a decent roster it’s best to just stockpile.

Save your macarons/cupcakes/waffles/sugar for Training Camps. You’ll get the biggest bang for your buck, then. I used to blow through them in regular lessons too cause leveling EXP is ASS without them but… not the greatest use of items.

R cards can be your friend. In fact, they carried me through exams and most early content no problem. If you resolve to only use SRs/SSRs from jump you will not have enough mats to flesh out your roster quickly.

Save alchemy tokens for spellbooks. They are STINGY in this game! 😩

Spell scaling is super ambiguous; it won’t matter if your spell goes from level 1 to 2, but it will matter if the spell evolves from like Leaf Blast to Forest Strike. So pay attention to phrases like, “spell changes at level 5/10” and only use spellbooks to reach those benchmarks.

Card level does more for DPS than spells, so if you have to choose what to do first, just level your card and worry about tweaking the spells later. Unless it’s an SSR; you’ll wanna level that second spell up to 5 for Duo Magic!

When leveling cards, pick one character and stick with them as a lesson partner until you reach 1000 lessons so you can net an easy 50 gems. Don’t skip around like I did at first 🥲 I woulda had a lot more gems by now if I was smart LOL

Pay attention to the card type: Defense will be a tank but won’t do shit for DPS. Attack cards will be glass cannons. Balanced cards bring the best of both worlds.

During event shop things, save event currency to buy the keys first, then the SSR/SR Awakening potions, then any SR event card dupes. I don’t recommend buying the event R card dupes only because you’ll get a shitton of R awakening potions doing normal pulls or completing Twistune missions so saving event currency for the most rare things makes sense.

Only use your SSR/SR level uncap potions on event cards if you can help it. Those will be the hardest to get dupes on cause they’re limited.

Unless you will die without having your bias, refrain from pulling on standard banners. Event banners are more rare and anything in the standard pool has a chance to spark while you’re pulling for something else.

Please have one favorite, for the sake of your pocketbook. Especially if you’re F2P. You will not be able to get everyone’s cards. 🥲

The only thing worth buying with real money in the gem shop is the 30-day pass. The rest have HORRIBLE value, imo. I know I’m spoiled to shit by games like Arknights and PAD but twst is not that generous.

How to know if you pulled an SSR; watch the beginning animation of the pull(s). If Grim is on the balcony of the castle when it pans up, you got yourself an SSR. The mirror also says a different phrase than usual.

Twistunes suck, but you can make them suck slightly less by going into options and choosing “Light” setting. The distracting background animations will be minimized and you can actually focus on hitting them damn notes. 😑 Also, watch the demos so you can see what the timing or mechanics are. The Purple twistune mechanic is a MENACE and I simply refuse to do them past the bare minimum. The music don’t hit like that for me to justify putting myself through that torture.

Basic exams judge you on how much DPS you throw out. Defense exams judge you on how much HP you have left at the end. You’ll also wanna time it so that you defeat the other team on round 3 or 4, with your hardest hitting card for the highest possible score. Do NOT attempt Hard mode unless you got some sleek ass high leveled back to back Duo magic cause the difficulty spike is not a joke.

Playing on your phone and you listening to music or get a notif right before lessons start? Reload the game and turn off your other audio or else the game will glitch out and you’ll lose a lesson point. The reason for that is how they trigger lesson starts: by voice line. So if the game don’t pick up that the voice line started because you have music or any other app that has sound playing in the background, it won’t start the lesson. Learned this the hard way. 🥲

[justletmeplayminecraft]

Etho hurt/comfort fic pretty please? 👉👈👀💚

some etho hurt/comfort coming right up!

featuring: etho has made smarter decisions than this, set in s7 during the end of season stat poker, sometimes your friends just have to tell you you're an idiot

warnings: injury caused by falling, broken rib, pushing self too far/ignoring injuries, some light drinking

It's a stupid misstep.

Etho's foot lands on empty air and the next thing he knows, he's falling. His hands struggle for his water bucket, the one he knows should be just there, but isn't. There's not enough time to twist, or to soften his landing. He barely gets his arms up to protect his head before he's slamming into the ground. The air is forced out of him with a crack that reverberates through his very bones. His next breath comes out as a low hiss, a few ticks passing as his brain tries to catch up with what just happened.

That's when the pain kicks in.

If Etho weren't already lying facedown in the dirt, he would be now.

Air feels forced into his body, stabbing through his chest and back. It's all he can do to groan, and that hurts too. His face pressed into his arms, fingers unconsciously pulling at his hair. His grip tightens with another gasp for air, struggling to take a full breath. He must've dealt with worse than this in the past, he's an experienced player! Being on Hermitcraft with all of its luxuries is making him soft.

Speaking of Hermitcraft.

He wants to groan when he realises he's supposed to meet the others for Stat Poker soon. Thankfully, he convinces himself not to, because as he's learnt: groaning hurts. Not that there's much that doesn't hurt right now. He should back out of the meet up. He doesn't even want to try standing right now, for crying out loud. But it was Tango, and Etho knows the guy needs the break. He can't just bail on him now. With a deep breath, Etho manages to haul onto his side. Every breath comes out as a quick and shallow puff, sending shooting pains through him. Trying to breathe in any deeper than a gasp gives him the urge to curl into a small ball and become one with the dirt.

But, he can't let Tango down. It'll be a good time hanging out together. He just needs to grab a health potion, and maybe tomorrow he can take it easy. Easy enough, anyway.

With a hissed breath, he finally gets his hands flat on the ground and pushes up. His nails dig into the dirt and he already knows it'll be a nightmare to clean out later. When he forces his eyes open, he finds he's managed to sit upright. Great. That's progress. He tries to sigh, but the breath cuts off into a hiss of pain he bites his tongue to bury. Alright, no groaning or sighing then. He can work with that.

Finding a stair block in his inventory, he throws it down to use as a support. His chest feels like it's trying to suffocate him, but he's able to push to his feet. He leans on the block to catch his breath. Health potion, then stat poker.

Pain flares through his chest as he stands upright, his eyes squeezing shut. He thinks he'll walk to the shopping district.

-

"Etho, sweet face!" Keralis's call greets him as Etho pushes the gate open. Etho smiles, trying to catch his breath from the walk over. It's hard when anything deeper than a shallow breath feels a bit like knives prickling into his lungs. The potion hasn't helped as much as he wanted it to, but he can make it through this. It's just hanging out with friends, what could go wrong?

"Hey, K." He nods his head in greeting. Tango and Bdubs turn at the sound of his voice. Tango is the first to bounce away from the bar, holding a glass out for him.

"Glad you could make it, dude! Take a seat, get comfortable. We're just getting snacks." Etho looks into the glass, swirling the deep red liquid. "It's just berry juice," Tango is quick to tell him. "Made specially for you. The rest of us, however-" He clinks his glass against Keralis's on the way back to the bar, throwing a wink Etho's way. Etho rolls his eyes, not wanting to risk the affectionate laugh in his throat. It looks like Bdubs and Keralis have already claimed the seats closest to the button. He lowers himself into a chair across the table carefully, not wanting to make a sudden drop. Once he's down safely, with only a minimal jolt of pain, he relaxes. He sinks back against the chair, tugging his mask down to take a sip of juice. It's fresh, fruity on his tongue. He smiles, forcing the pain out of his mind.

Bdubs strides over, a bowl held in his palm as he bows.

"Your snacks, wonderful patrons." Keralis near dives onto his seat so he can pick some of the honey-glazed nuts from the top. It's a close thing, but somehow Bdubs keeps the bowl steady.

"Keralis! Those are for all of us!" Tango calls, sitting beside Etho with a refilled glass and another bowl.

"I've only taken some!" Keralis protests. "Besides, I've gotta have lots now before Bubbles eats them all!"

"Will not!" Bdubs cries, hands on his hips. Etho snorts, regretting it immediately. At least his mask hides most of his grimace. They're too busy squabbling over the bowl to notice.

"Now, now, children. Let's save the fights for the actual game." Tango smirks as he unpockets his diamonds, holding them in the air. Etho can't help but smile at the dramatics, the way the evening sun glints through the blue. "Are we all ready?"

"Oh no, we're just sitting around this table for no reason," Bdubs says, before throwing his hands up. "Yes, of course we're ready!"

"Might wanna keep that anger in check 'til after you've lost all your diamonds, Bdubs." The words are difficult to get out, but Etho works his way through them. Keeping his voice around its usual talking volume doesn't hurt too bad.

"Oh, I hope you get none of them." Bdubs leans across the table, dark eyes meeting Etho's. Etho smirks.

"So you admit you'll lose them, then?" He teases. Bdubs huffs, sitting back with crossed arms.

"This is unfair. You're ganging up on me already."

Keralis laughs, "Well, you can press the button first. Does that make it fair?"

"Oh, more than fair! I like pressing buttons."

"You sure do," Tango mutters, disguising it with a sip of wine. Etho puffs out a breath, more punched than he intended. Ugh, why do they have to be so damn funny? This is making his job ten times harder. "Etho?" Tango calls, "You okay? Don't often see you making that face."

Etho tries an encouraging smile, crinkling his eyes above the mask, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a bit of a slip earlier." It's technically not a lie.

"You sure you're going to be okay?" Bdubs asks.

"Yeah, sure. A hang out with friends has never hurt anyone, right?"

"On this server..." Keralis points out, looking between Bdubs and Tango.

"Hey, we're plenty safe!" Tango argues.

"No, no, I think Keralis has a point with this one," Etho shoots back. Bdubs huffs, slapping the first card face down on the table.

"Gentlemen!" He calls their attention. "Let's begin."

-

So far, Etho's lost a lot of diamonds. Adding in the light system was a stroke of genius that is ruining him. He leans on the table, watching Bdubs finish his second glass. Meanwhile, Etho's barely finished his first glass of juice. Tango holds the next card between his fingers before flipping it dramatically.

"Distance climbed," Etho reads, Tango repeating it soon after. As the discussion breaks out about what exactly that entails, Etho tries to consider his options. He knows his statistics aren't the highest on the server. He splits his time between worlds and that's to his detriment here. Though if he could use his stats from his single-player world... Oh, that would be great.

"Etho, you in?" Bdubs asks, focusing his attention back on the match. Etho looks at the pot. Ten diamonds. That's not too bad.

"I know I'm going to lose this one, but I am nicknamed 'Ladders', so I feel like I have to do it just to see..." His voice trails off as the breathlessness sets in, lungs aching with the strain of his small breaths. He might have to call it soon if this gets much worse, but he can keep going.

"Etho," Bdubs says, leaning across the table. "Out of all these years who has ever called you 'ladders'?"

Tango laughs, and Etho's about to reply when Tango hits his back. Etho doesn't hear Tango's words, too occupied by the feeling of every nerve in his chest setting aflame. He falls forward, with chesty coughs that only hurt more but he can't seem to stop. This is going to kill him. Every gasp feels like a desperate attempt to get oxygen, shivering in agony.

When he manages to blink his eyes open, he can make out blurry shapes moving around him. Something cool slides down his face, hitting his mask until it's pulled down. He makes a weak noise of protest. He doesn't think it's any different from his noises of pain. A hand cards through his hair, something pressed to his lips. He can taste the zing of a health potion and drinks as eagerly as he can.

With the help of the potion, he forces himself to take small breaths. It still hurts. It still hurts a lot. But at least now he can focus on the mortifying situation he's put himself in instead.

"Etho?" Bdubs' voice rings clear now. Etho holds up a shaky hand.

"Gimme- give a minute." He leans on the edge of the table, focusing on taking small breaths. He's not sure how long he's in that position for, until the pain subsides enough for him to dare move again.

"Etho? How are you feeling, sweetface?" Etho looks up to give Keralis a smile, realising his eyes are still filled with tears. He goes to dry his eyes, and Bdubs is quick to press a tissue into his hand.

"Thanks," he mutters. He can see Keralis properly now. Nice. "I'm- yeah. I'm okay now. Didn't think that would happen."

"Yeah," Etho doesn't need to turn to see Tango's disapproving look. "What was that, dude? You nearly keeled over in front of us!" Ugh, he nearly did, didn't he?

"Fell earlier," he murmurs, sticking to half-truths. "Must've landed harder than I thought."

"What hurts?" Bdubs asks. He's standing on his toes, ready to jump back into action. It gives Etho a little smile.

"My chest, mostly. Breathing's pretty hard."

Bdubs hums thoughtfully, "Think you can get back to your own base?" Etho blinks, looking at the half-finished game around them.

"But- the- We're not finished!"

"You're hurt, sweetface! We're not going to continue without you."

"Yeah, it's no fun playing if somebody is gonna cough their guts out." Tango moves his hand towards him before hesitating and thinking better of it. Etho is both thankful and longing for the touch.

"I made it over here," Etho concedes, "I should be fine to get back."

"Good!" Bdubs claps his hands. "Because I don't want to call Doc or Xisuma." Etho cringes at the thought.

"Oh, don't do that to me. I'd never live it down."

"X wouldn't let you leave your base," Tango replies, snickering.

"That's my nickname!"

"Have you seen Doc when he goes all mother hen?" Etho protests, quickly remembering to lower his voice. "And then he just bullies you afterwards!" Bdubs snorts

"I'm not calling him! You're fine, princess."

Bdubs pats Keralis's back, "We can both call Etho a princess, it's okay."

-

The trio insist on walking him home. He doesn't engage much in the conversation, too occupied with breathing and walking at the same time. At one point he ends up leaning on Keralis, because Bdubs is too short, and Tango too skinny. He smirks during the subsequent argument that plays out, closing his eyes and letting Keralis guide his movements. Before he knows it, they're approaching his base. Keralis doesn't let go of him until they've found his bedroom.

"There you go. One comfortable bed," Tango says, patting the covers. Keralis helps Etho sit down, Etho gritting his teeth whilst he gets situated.

"And no leaving it, sir!" Keralis says, back to his dramatic movements now Etho isn't attached to his side. "Bedrest for you."

"Ugh," Etho leans his head against the wall behind him. "That's no fun."

"I think you've had enough fun for today!" Tango decides. "I'm going to grab some potions, make sure you don't need to go anywhere." Etho nods, too tired to thank him. Keralis pets through Etho's hair, Bdubs lightly patting Etho's thigh.

"There you go, you big baby," Bdubs teases, his voice soft with affection. "Get some sleep. It'll be good for you." Etho forces an eye open.

"Isn't sleeping your job?" He whispers. Bdubs scoffs, shaking out Etho's pillows. Keralis, however, laughs loudly. His fingers move to scratching Etho's scalp. That is definitely pulling him to sleep. He has to fight back a yawn.

"Come on, down, down," Keralis encourages. With a bit of help, they settle him against the pillows. His jacket is eased off, head sinking into softness.

"He looks cosy," Tango comments as he returns. Etho hears glass clink as potion bottles are set down near his head.

"Shush, we're trying to make him go to sleep," Bdubs whispers. Etho smiles.

"I'm not sleepin' yet," he mumbles.

"You should be." Is Bdubs' reply. Etho shakes his head, pleased when Keralis's hand returns to petting it.

"We'll be here when you wake up," Keralis tells him.

"Yeah," Tango agrees. "We've just moved our hang out to your base now." Etho opens his eyes, watching as Tango pulls chairs over. Keralis is sitting on his bedside table, and smiles at him when he notices Etho looking.

"You heal up good now, okay? We want a nice and healthy Etho." Etho nods, closing his eyes again.

"Yeah, I'll give it a shot." He gets another scritch as a reward. It's not long until there's laughter as the three strike up a conversation about something inane. His chest still feels like he was kicked by a horse, but at least he's in good company.

Maybe getting injured was worth it, after all.

... Nah.

[badstargateimagines]

SG-1 Characters As Makeup/Skincare Brands I Think They’d Like

My source is that I work at ✨Makeup Store✨ and I know a lot about this.

Sam: Milk Makeup. Sam gives very much light coverage, my skin but better, but I need some coverage under my eyes because I Do Not Sleep. I think she’s also a skincare girly which goes great with milk since their vegan cleanser and moisturizer are sick as hell. Milk is also quick and easy to apply given most of their products come in stick form and their base products apply well with your hands.

Daniel: Farmacy. Daniel is totally the type of person to take good care of their skin but definitely cares about the ingredients. Farmacy is the perfect mix of science and agriculture for him to fully love. He also loves that he’s supporting the bees. He really likes the vitamin C brightening eye cream from them because He Does Not Sleep.

Jack: Kiehl’s*. A brand that’s almost on the historic side of things that has never failed once. Originally started using their line for men, but the packaging is nondescript enough that he branches out to a couple other products.

Teal’c: Anastasia Beverly Hills. We’ve seen his eye makeup, we’ve seen his brows; we know that’s ABH. Teal’c has probably been buying the same single shadow from Sephora this whole time. One time he got up sold an eyeshadow primer and it completely changed his life. His brows? The brow wiz 100%. I would put him at the shade Ebony in the brow wiz but I could be wrong

Janet: Supergoop! She’s a sunscreen girly. Sunscreen every day. She talks about it endlessly. She would like Supergoop! Because of the variety of options that she can direct people to whenever they complain about sunscreen. Leaves a white cast? Unseen Sunscreen. Can’t reapply through out the day because of makeup? They have a powder sunscreen that sets makeup. Makes you look dead? Glowscreen. She found out about Supergoop! And it’s now everyone’s problem.

Vala: Hourglass. She likes to feel ✨Expensive✨ so Hourglass is an obvious choice. Definitely used to be a stick foundation girly too. Will maintain that the Hourglass Unlocked mascara is the only thing that will work on her lashes. Has hit pan on her Diffused Light finishing powder multiple times in her holiday palettes but never finishes the rest of the shades. Instead of buying the compact, she always buys the holiday palettes because she maintains that the formula is different (it is not)

Jonas: Toofaced. Look he found out there was makeup that smelled like food and he was sold. Does he wear it? Not often at all but he likes having it to smell it. People do have to stop him from trying to eat it. Also at one point accidentally bought a Lip Injections Lip Plumper and definitely thought he was dying when he first applied it but also likes the look and now wears it all the time. He’s his Sephora’s favourite client.

General Hammond: Makeup Forever. He only wears makeup when he has to be on camera and has no idea how to apply it, but Makeup Forever is what’s used on him. Extremely long lasting, usually has a match for everyone and can go from bold to natural very easily.

Cam: First Aid Beauty. The ultra repair cream is the only thing that helps with his dry skin in the winter. Also branched out to their hair and body lines because he likes to feel pampered sometimes. Refuses to make a beauty insider even though he’s back in every couple months for refills and would have so many points.

*Kiehl’s is owned by Nestlé so I don’t buy from them, though I have tried their products as I get products gifted to me by brands I do training with. They’re okay but I can make better recommendations at a lower price point in other brands for most of their products. (Ngl I find a lot of older men buy it bc the packaging isn’t “girly” but they still have a desire to take care of their skin)

[naturalbeautyhelp]

Acne Cures on a budget  (revamped)

Acne is a very tricky subject that millions of people struggle with- sometimes for their entire lives. If you have struggled yourself I’m sure you’re aware that there is no cure-all for acne, but there may be some methods for healing the skin that you haven’t heard yet so I’m going to share everything I know with you just in case.  First, the basics:

1. Drink plenty of water and eat healthy foods. This is just a given. If you want to feel comfortable in your skin you may have to make some lifestyle changes. that Includes getting regular exercise and sunlight. 2. Recognize the fact that your skin is an organ. Like any organ it has an ecosystem of healthy bacteria that ought to be treated with care- much like a garden. It will need different things on different days, and in order to reach it’s fullest potential, the gardener (that’s you) will need to pay close attention to it. 

3. Be aware that pimples are infected pores which are attempting to heal themselves. The puss inside of them is a soup of white blood cells which are trying to repair the skin for some reason. Finding the root cause of the infection before treatment is ideal. 

A few common acne culprits: Your acne could be hormonal, it could be caused by allergies (ex: food allergies, detergent allergies), or your skin may be getting bacterial infections from unsanitary surfaces or poor air quality. 

Now to get into the technical stuff: 

~If your skin is hurting, red, swollen, try putting down harsh chemicals like Niacinamide and Retinol, and try something calming like rosehip oil or aloe vera.

  Amaranthus oil, tea tree oil, rapeseed oil, rosewater, and witch hazel are all examples of gentle things that are amazing for the skin. I know natural skin healers can be very expensive, but if you can’t afford them don’t hesitate to steel them from your local, unethical corporate store. If you need tips on s***lifting,  try visiting this Reddit community at   https://www.reddit.com/r/IllegalLifeProTips/

~Rinse your face with cool or cold water every time you wash it. This seals up your pores and prevents dirt and bacteria from entering them.

~Make sure that the things that touch your face every day are clean. Make sure that the cloths and towels that you use on your face are clean. Disinfect face tools regularly and use hot water on wash cloths to kill bacteria between washes.  Clean your glasses. Change your sheets and pillow cases frequently. In addition, avoid touching your face constantly with your hands as well as your hair, and keep your hands and hair clean. 

~⚠️Don’t pick your face! Pimples are like Petri dishes full of puss and bacteria and when you pop them you are just spreading the ickiness around to the rest of your face. In addition to that, every time you pop a pimple you are damaging the barrier of your skin, which not only can cause scarring and dark spots, but it can leave your skin vulnerable to bad bacteria and cause further breakouts. For these reasons, you should only pop a zit as a last resort. 

~Popping: If you have very stubborn acne and insist on popping anyway, go to an aesthetician if you have the privilege to do so

If you can not see an aesthetician, try this method for safe pimple popping: 

Wash the affected area with hot water and a mild soap. Pop the pimple making sure you get EVERYTHING out of it, wash it again with extra hot water, dry it with something clean. Then, apply lots of pressure to the popped pimple so that it doesn't get the chance to “refill” itself (use a q-tip if you have one for at least 30 seconds to 5 minutes depending on how big the pimple is). Next, put some rubbing alcohol, and some diluted tea tree oil on the pimple and cover it with the sticky part of a band-aid. Leave the band-aid on until you are certain that it will not grow back.

~🛑 Stop using all of those skincare products. Obviously if they worked, you wouldn't even be reading this. Using certain products (especially the harsher ones) can cause allergic reactions and sometimes dry out your skin, which can trigger your skin to produce extra oil to overcompensate, which leads to acne. They also tend to eat away at you financially. Break the vicious cycle. Try tossing all of your products and use a mild soap and simple moisturizer for a few weeks before starting anything new again.

If you insist on using acne products then follow this important rule.                 🚨 🚨  Do not use multiple products within the same 3 weeks. Doing this makes it impossible to figure out which products could be helping or causing further damage to your skin.

~Know that many skin care products do have valuable substances, but they use fillers and fragrances that can ruin your skin. Try looking at the ingredients in your skin care products, researching the individual components, and purchasing said components individually. Ex: instead of buying an ‘aloe infused moisturizer’, try purchasing real aloe vera gel- or better yet buy an aloe vera plant- and use that ingredient as you see fit. It can be more cost effective, better for the environment, and a good learning experience. 

~Avoid wearing foundation and concealer. Of course it is tempting to cover acne with makeup, but your makeup can add fuel to the fire by clogging pores and spreading bad bacteria 

~If you are applying makeup to the face, make sure that you are regularly cleaning your brushes and disinfecting your pallets. Dirty makeup supplies don’t just contribute to acne, they can cause gnarly infections in sensitive areas (like the eyes) and send you to the hospital.

Now here are some advanced methods for healing the skin. Feel free to alter them so that they suit your specific needs:

🧖🏾‍♀️The Steam Method:

If you suspect that your soap is a culprit, or you just want to try something new, replace your morning cleansing routine with this (give skin 2 weeks time to purge before deciding whether or not this works for you). Get a light oil, preferably rosehip or coconut, and rub it on your face very well for at least 30 seconds. Then, take a clean washcloth and submerge it in the hottest water you can take. Take the washcloth and firmly press it against the entire surface of your face until it cools. Use the cloth to remove all the oil you can manage. 

🧖🏼‍♀️The other Steam Method:

Get a pot and boil water in it. Put your face over the boiling water (not too close lol) and let the steam open up your pores for 5-10 minutes. After you are done, use a clean, damp washcloth to wipe your face. Then get an ice cube or cold water and put it all over your face to seal your pores back up. Personally I like putting tea in the water sometimes. Peppermint tea and green tea are great. 

🩹 Bandaging:

Now this might sound ridiculous, but I have learned that putting bandages/band-aids onto your face at night can make a world of difference when it comes to acne and hyperpigmentation. My personal method is this: each night after I steam and wash my face, I put tiny bit of rubbing alcohol onto each pimple. I then wash and sanitize my hands with rubbing alcohol, apply diluted tea tree oil to each problem area on my face, and then take an ordinary cloth bandage and cover every zit that I can find. After each zit is covered, I apply moisturizer and serums to the rest of the face as I normally would. Change bandages frequently (1-3 times a day depending on how oily your skin is), and leave them on the affected area until swelling has gone down. Repeat the process as many times as you’d like. 

Usually normal bandaids are fine, but at times when my acne flares up badly I will go so far as to use gauze on large areas of my face. The cloth absorbs any oil that your skin secrets while protecting it from bacteria and sweat all night long, and the bandage seals in the tea tree oil so that it can penetrate your pores. I have noticed that the sticky part of a bandaid does the best job at diffusing large pimples as opposed to the white cloth part which is best for blackheads. 

~If all else fails and you have done your best to cure acne at home, consider talking to a doctor if you have that option. 🥼 They may try to prescribe an acne medication, but these options tend to be extremely expensive and hard on your organs. Ask them if you can try a prescribed antibiotic supplement first. 

Last but certainly not least: Sit with the fact that picture perfect skin is not healthy skin. As mentioned earlier, your skin is an organ. And it’s job is merely to protect your insides- not to get you onto the cover of a magazine. Your skin is not meant to look like the porcelain on a doll. 

💊💊💊💊💊And that is it! wow that was a long post. I hope this can help at least one person out there with their skin troubles because this took forever 

[moxfirefly]

I!! Have an request!! If you want, thats up to you! But how about the turtles have a friend (the reader) and no matter what they see hints of or how it seems she just doesnt seem to be in a relationship ever and then leo starts acting "odd" (in love) and one day michelangelo of all people catches leo and the reader in a romantic (or heated) moment! What do you think would happen? How would they handle their older brother in love? 😂 i just thought itd be a funny one-shot

Ok I’ve been wanting to tackle this for a while now and ima do my best for you friend, also I hope this reaches cause I know it’s been tough so I send you lots of love💕

Blue boi all in lovey dovey

Rated Mature (Romance but will a little sprinkle of smut) 18+ Only

Raphael squinted his eyes.

For the past twenty-two minutes he’d been wondering what was wrong with this picture. His breakfast was getting cold and he’d even neglected to smack Mikey’s hand away when he stole a piece of bacon off his place.

Raphael took pride in his observation skills, often he noticed plenty of things in his environment but while Donatello ran commentary on it he usually kept the information to himself. He shared a room with his youngest brother so he knew any odd shift when it came to Mikey. He is very close with Donnie, spending a few sleepless nights by his side while the genius tinkered away at projects, even lending a hand here and there.

Leonardo for all of his hard headed ways and their personality clashes, he felt he knew him well enough too. The leader though, was much more guarded in his emotions which made for some difficult moments to completely gage his older brother.

You on the other hand were an open book, plenty of times he’d spent time with you, getting to know plenty of your ticks and thoughts. Raph considered you a close friend, a confidant he could turn to.

But as you all sat together for a late breakfast. Mikey inhaling his while Donnie’s overworked eyes looked into his coffee cup as if lifes answers laid there, Leo and you were just sitting there, suspiciously.

You were still in your sleep wear, Leo’s groggy movements mechanical as he ate on autopilot. You yawned reaching for a coffee refill and without command or hesitation Leo had pushed the creamer and sugar towards you, going so far to place the exact amount of both in your mug. You had given him a sweet smile, reaching a hand to thumb a crumb away from the corner of his mouth.

Raphael raised a brow ridge, well naturally that could translate to common kindness. You all knew each other, often April had in some form or shape probably done something similar. He poked a few pieces of eggs into his mouth, now he was intrigued.

He picked up a few more instances where his curiosities got the better of him.

For instance one afternoon while you were over he had decided to gather info. Raphael had kitchen duty and you had stuck around to help him out. “What’s up with you?” A common not so invasive question, you shrugged. “Same old, same old” You gathered plates to set the table. Raphael kept his gaze at the task at hand, cutting tomatoes for the sauce he was preparing. “Yeah but have you done anything? Gone out with friends? Maybe found your future husband?” He chuckled even more so when you nudged him with an elbow. “A forget you have a sense humor under all that angst” Raph smiled, the two of you often bickered Iike this.

Truth be told you had never mentioned a boyfriend or a girlfriend, the subject was never really breached. With the amount of time you spent in the sewers with them it never came up if you had some partner or if you even were dating. Raphael added the tomatoes into a pot, you joined his side ready to help with more cutting of condiments.

Then Leo arrived and he felt the air shift, he peaked a glance at you, a small smile playing on your lips. Leo in turn greeting the two of you before he made his way towards the fridge to retrieve something to drink. “Want something?” He asked from the fridge and honest to God Raph was very sure he wasn’t asking him. You nodded extending a hand for the soda he gave you, he leaned against the fridge and chatted you up as nonchalant as ever.

Nothing in the small chat raised any flags, Raph’s sauce almost burning from how intently he was concentrating of quite literally eavesdropping on you two. You laughed at something he mentioned, that was bizarre because Leo was seriously not even funny but he could be biased on that end.

“Your hair looks pretty that way” Leo spoke, a tad bit shyly. Raph stirred the sauce, brow ridges shooting up, ‘real smooth big bro’ he couldn’t help but think. Then again he had probably at some point told April the same thing, well they all had commented on April being pretty in all manners of ways.

But this felt just the taddest bit different?

He excused himself having to get back to whatever he was doing. Raph squatted to get something from the bottom cupboards, he didn’t miss the blush on your cheeks.

“Yer hair does look nice like that” He tested, you beamed brightly at him. “Thank you, you’re very sweet when you put your heart into it” She teased smacking a hand towel at him.

Inconclusive results.

For now.

This stupid notion continued to bother Raphael, curiosity would kill the turtle in this case. He wanted to know if truly something was amiss there and you both being friends he wondered why you just hadn’t flat out told him what was up. Nevertheless he couldn’t drop the bomb on you, you could be motorfide or maybe deny it to high hell. Asking Leonardo was out of the question, he sure as hell wouldn’t say a thing.

So Raphael kept his gaze glued as you parted ways for the night. You gave a hug and kiss to everybody, quite normal for your loving nature. He got his hug and kiss, so did Donnie, April and Mikey. Once you landed on Leo you did the same.

He could’ve sworn you lingered a little more, going so far as to whisper something to him because Leo gave a little huff of a laughter and smiled. He definitely slid his hand away from your lower back quite slowly.

Maybe, just maybe...

One patrol night he got stuck with Leo while Mikey and Donnie were doing rounds on the truck. They were scouting out a bank that was rumored to be hit soon by a group of robbers. Raph didn’t mention you, in fact he patiently waited for these robbers to possibly show up.

Something vibrated and his gaze landed on Leo who was reaching a hand into his pocket to pull out his phone. His concentrated and serious featured softening with whatever he read on the screen. He typed back something quick, shaking his head from whatever image or words or whatever had been provoked out of him. “Everything good?” Raphael asked, Leo nodded as if back to ‘normal’ and that absolutely was suspicious in his book.

That night didn’t yield any resolution and honestly it’s around this time that Raph regrets this little task that had occupied his time. He had originally decided to leave it as inconclusive, at some point You two dummies had to say or do something. He had been rummaging his room for his hand wraps, more than ready to get his nightly workout in order. When he had come up empty handed he exited towards Leo’s room, he always had them which annoyed the red banded brute.

His first mistake was not knocking or making his incoming presence known. A rookie mistake considering he lived with three young adult brothers.

His second mistake was just barging in like he owned the place. An annoyed “Jesus Leo quick taking my shit” spewing out of him.

If mistakes One and Two had been adverted he wouldn’t be standing here, wide eyed and frozen.

Because he really didn’t need to see his brother stark ass naked on top of his best friend who he basically considered a little sister, equally naked to boot. There was a solid fifteen seconds where Raphael didn’t know if he running out was the best option, mumbling a ‘shit my bad’ was better or if covering his eyes and screaming at his brother that he better be a gentlemen to you cause you’re a great gal.

Leonardo’s hands cupped your exposed breast for modesty sake, the need for the ground to dramatically open up and swallow him whole heavy in his mind. You had squeaked when Raph barged in, hands super glued to Leo’s rear and god why couldn’t you scream and let go and scream some more.

Raphael finally turned around, an embarrassed heat breaking over his body as he groaned in disgust. “Shit fuck, sorry sorry! I didn’t see shit!” Oh but he did and oh did he crave bleach. “Raph get out! This is why you knock!” Leo chucked a pillow at his brothers shell. You had finally let go of Leo’s rear, covering your face in mortification. “Hang a sock or something outside then!! I can’t read minds!” Raph bellowed.

Mistake number 3 happened because Raphael was a drama Queen through and through and the shouting only helped to alert his brothers towards the room.

“Can you two not fight for five whole minu-OH GOD SORRY!” Donatalleo had exited as quickly as he had approached the room. Mikey thankfully barely saw anything since Raph and Donnie yanked him out which Leo was thankful, he knew Mikey would never let this situation go.

A very quiet hour passed by.

Nobody wanting to say anything. Mikey had left for the tunnels to skateboard for a while. Donnie had thrown himself into truck repairs not even wanting to discuss what his eyes had briefly seen.

And Raphael had sat on the couch, every few minutes making a face whenever his brain decided to bring back the nights events. He heard movement from Leo’s room, the small pitter patter that belonged to your feet. Raph kept his gaze down, whatever playing on the tv long forgotten, he saw your feet when they tentatively approached the couch.

“Um Raph” Your tone was hushed.

“Didn’t see anything, matter of fact nothing happened” Raph grabbed the remote, you sat down and sighed. “Listen you weren’t the one with your tits out here” You crossed your arms grumbling, Raph almost chortled but then he remembered Leo and simply made a face.

“Why didn’t you tell me you and him were a thing? We’re friends, I mean you can do better but you know” He smiled when he felt your elbow smack his arm. “He’s really nice don’t be so mean” You sat back on the corner, Raph looked at you, you were wearing an oversized shirt clearly spending the night.

“Sorry for ah, not knocking” Raph spoke softly.

“Sorry for no telling you I had it bad for your brother” You smirked, enjoying Raph’s disgruntled expression.

You scooted close and hugged his massive arm, Raph smiled. “He better be good to ya... and well, don’t break his heart, he’s an ass but he’s my big brother” You nodded against his arm.

You had stayed for a little before returning back to Leo’s room, the leader was reading on his bed but quickly looked up when you came in. “Everything alright?” He asked tentatively. You nodded climbing into bed and in between his legs to lay on him. “We could’ve so gone a better way telling everybody, at least it’s out and we can just be ourselves” You rested against him, Leo’s chin a top your head.

He wrapped his arms tightly around you and smiled. “I’m never living this down but I’m happy we can just be ourselves” He poked your sides earning an earnest squeal from you.

Outside Raphael could hear the quiet giggling and laughter. He was happy for the two of you, it made sense.

Mikey walked in, board in hand and sweaty from skating for hours.

“So Leo loses his V card first, huh brah?”

Raphael groaned.

[orchidvioletindigo]

A post to recognize and brag about the things I've been doing well lately:

I have been brushing and flossing my teeth almost every night. I have been taking my vitamins and medications every morning.

I have been going to bed before 3 A.M. more often than not and I have been setting wake up alarms so I have the option to not oversleep even on days when I have nothing going on. I've been making a habit of using grounding techniques to soothe my brain in bed and help me get to sleep every night.

I have been consistently cleaning and refilling the puddler. This usually means I also get dressed every day instead of spending the entire day in the previous night's sleepwear.

For the most part I have been showering when I feel like I need to or when I think a refresh would be nice.

I have been staying on top of my laundry and even putting my clean clothes away somewhat regularly. I've started to put them away as a handy anxiety calming technique.

I am on track to eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner two out of the last three days. I missed only breakfast on the third day. I have managed this despite unusually aggressive IBS symptoms.

Because I have been eating more, I have been able to take painkillers for my hand and wrist pain more consistently. I've been setting alarms for doses so I don't forget and that new habit has been helping me a lot. I've also been doing stretches for my arms, hands, and wrists every day.

I have been helping a bit more around the house with loading or unloading the dishwasher and sometimes taking out trash.

I ordered a trash spear so I can now go out and clean up litter in my neighborhood as a productive and rewarding way to occupy my spare time.

I have been making phone calls and sending emails and scheduling appointments and the like more readily instead of putting them off. I've even scheduled a trip to the notary with several people for this weekend.

Earlier today I recognized when I was about to go down an Internet rabbit hole right before I needed to leave for my therapy appointment and I chose to close the app and save it for later so I would be on time for my appointment (or as close to on time as I could be with traffic).

I have done a lot of introspection over the last few days and have identified several majorly problematic habits and thought patterns that have been hurting me and the people around me. I have spoken with my therapist and my partner about them and have been making plans to change myself and my behaviors and thought patterns for the better. It's really scary, but when I think about what I and my loved ones have to gain from breaking down these old defense mechanisms – a happy life lived safely without them, and healthy long-term relationships in their place – I know that I have to do this work, as much as I can.

[sigmaleph]

@serinemolecule asked me for hot takes on this 2006 article on Argentinian food, which I am now reorganising into a proper post for y'all's consumption. you're welcome.

First of all: the titular thesis that you should eat two steaks a day. I am forced to clarify that as 'should's go you should eat zero steaks a day, but this is ethical rather dietary advice and I don't follow it as well as I should, so, y'know. I would engage with this on the level it was stated, but I actually have no opinion on it. Moving on...

Argentine beef really is extraordinary. Almost all of this has to do with how the cows are raised. There are no factory feedlots in Argentina; the animals still eat pampas grass their whole lives, in open pasture, and not the chicken droppings and feathers mixed with corn that pass for animal feed in the United States.

This is, as it happens, completely false. There absolutely is plenty of feedlot beef being eaten in Argentina, and this was also the case back when this article was written. There's grass-fed beef too, and maybe the writer structured their life around only eating those, but the claim that there are no feedlots is just not true.

if you let them make the call, you get a two-inch thick of meat[...]The Argentine steak stands alone, towering three inches over the plate,[...]This gorgeous specimen is called a lomito; it's a standard lunchtime steak, clearly so thin that the Argentines are embarrassed to send it out into the world without a protective wrapping of ham and cheese

I have no idea what their obsession with steak thickness is; meat exists at various levels of thick and thin to suit various tastes. If you like yours thick that's fine but quit the projecting, y'know.

As you might expect, vegetarians will have a somewhat rough time here. For most people in Argentina, a vegetarian is something you eat. One's diet will accordingly lean heavily on pastas, gnocchi, salads, and (for the less squeamish ) fish. Vegans will not survive in Argentina.

This is, unfortunately, true (well, hyperbole, but). Rinna had a rather bad time trying to find vegan food when fae came over for visits. The situation is improving slowly, at least.

The homemade cookies bought in the minimarket downstairs taste of steak. [picture of alfajores de maicena[

Jesus. Find somewhere better to buy your snacks.

It should be no surprise that the land of beef also has excellent milk and butter. The milk comes in plastic bags that would give any American marketing department a heart attack. They proudly advertise "GUARANTEED 100% BRUCELLOSIS AND HOOF-AND-MOUTH FREE". One brand even brags that its bacteria count never exceeds 100,000 per mL, and prints daily statistics to prove it (only 82,000 bacteria/mL on Monday! mmm!).

Are you under the impression American milk doesn't contain bacteria and that when it spoils it's because of the molecules' sheer willpower? Or do you just object to the reminder that they exist?

This menu is delicious, but with rare exceptions it is all you are going to get. People coming for more than a few weeks are advised to bring a discreet bottle of Tabasco sauce.

Eat at better restaurants.

With any order from the master menu comes the Bread Basket, which should be treated as you would treat a basket of wax fruit, that is, as a purely decorative ornament. It is considered bad form to actually eat anything from Bread Basket

What are you talking about. Do all your dining companions just suck, eat some bread.

Dulce de leche is a culinary cry for help. It says "save us, we are baffled and alone in the kitchen, we don't know what to do for dessert and we're going to boil condensed milk and sugar together until help arrives". This cloying dessert tar is so impossibly sweet that you wish you were ten years old again, just so you could actually enjoy it. It is everywhere. There is a special dulce de leche shelf in the supermarket dairy case, and the containers go up to a liter in size. Even the churros are stuffed with it - the churros, Montresor!

It is rare that I feel insulted for the sake of my country, but this? How dare you.

Yes, of course we fill churros with dulce de leche; the real question is why anyone doesn't, short of dietary restrictions. Finding out that people do otherwise was like learning that in other countries, "sandwich" just means two slices of bread. Live a little. Eat a real godsdamned churro.

I spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure out how meals work in Argentina, and they remain a mystery to me. Dinner is clear enough: people tend to go to restaurants beginning at ten o'clock (for those with small children), with the main rush around eleven, and dinner is pretty much over at one or so in the morning. And breakfast - or rather, its absence - follows as a logical consequence of eating a steak the size of a beagle at midnight. But I have yet to figure out whether people eat some kind of meal in the afternoon, and if so, when.

At... noon? Like. We eat lunch. Usually somewhere around 12:00. I am eating lunch right now, and I have done so essentially every day of my life. This is just baffling.

I've come to think the culprit in the missing Argentine lunch scene is yerba mate.

how.

Where the ignorant foreigner may see just another kind of herbal tea (yerba mate is a very unassuming shrub that grows in the northern parts of the country) the Argentine sees a taste treat of unimaginable subtlety, and a tonic for all his problems. The Wikipedia article on proper mate preparation should give you a warning of the level of obsessiveness attainable here (the Urugayans are even worse). To the virgin palate, mate tastes like green tea mixed with grass clippings. The beverage is traditionally drunk out of a little gourd, through a metal straw called a bombilla, with hot (but not boiling!!) water poured into it (without wetting the surface!! clockwise!!) from a thermos.

Yeah, this is accurate. Well, not the clockwise part, never heard anyone complain about that and I can't imagine it mattering.

What distinguishes mate from coffee and tea is the social context - two or more people share a gourd, with a designated pourer in charge of refilling it with hot water after each turn. The ritual is low-fuss but indispensible. You can buy mate gourds and thermoses in any grocery store, and get your thermos filled with hot water at any convenience store or gas station, but you will never see mate served in restaurants or sold in little disposable paper gourds, to go. it's not that people refuse to drink mate alone - anyone working a solitary shift will have a gourd in hand - but that the concept of being served mate by someone who does not share it with you seems impossible.

This is also true. Attempts have been made to sell to-go mate but it's never very popular, the social ritual is important. Also unfortunately a disease vector, I haven't had any mate in a year and a half.

Mate aficionados will tell you that mate contains a special compound, mateine, that serves as a tonic and mild stimulant, promoting alertness without making it hard to sleep, reducing fatigue and appetite, helping the digestion and serving as a mild diuretic. Scientists will tell you that mateine bears a suspicious resemblance to a chemical called caffeine. Mate aficionados will then grow indignant, explaining that mateine is really a stereoisomer (mirror image) of caffeine, with different effects, which will in turn irritate the scientists, who will snap that caffeine doesn't have a chiral center, so it can't have a distinguishable mirror image, and why don't the mate aficionados just put a sock in it.

The first part of this is true; some people definitely think "mateine" is different from caffeine and it absolutely isn't. Never heard the stereoisomer claim before but googling it does confirm some people say so.

still have no idea what any of this has to do with lunch, though. I promise you nobody skips lunch because mate is just too filling.

The wine here is very good (something has to stand up to that steak), but Argentina has no liquor to call its own, relying on whiskies like Old Smuggler and the low-maintenance Don Juan cognac to carry the flag.

There's a fundamental omission from this list and it's called fernet.

Beer is ubiquitous and comes in a bewildering variety of sizes, although there is a skittishness about the full-on liter. Things level off at 970 mL. In my case, it means I end up drinking 1940 mL of beer as a kind of personal protest, and all is well with the world. To make up for the abundance of sizes, beer comes in only one variety, Quilmes, which inevitably comes served with a tripartite platter of snacks - nuts, salty cylinders, and aged potato chips.

I never had trouble buying beer by the litre, but I confess I never tried to do so in 2006 on account of being under 18 at the time.

Anyway, beer comes in a lot more varieties today, thankfully, because Quilmes sucks. I'll never be a beer person, but at least these days there's options I tolerate.

[original post]