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#because this all sounds very healthy
good-beans · 10 months
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You talked a little while ago about why you don't think Shidou would make a good father to Amane (agreed) and proposed the idea of Mahiru adopting Amane. That's cute but I want to tell you about my post-MILGRAM headcanon:
Amane joins the Kajiyamas
Not Fuuta specifically adopting her, but like him taking her back to his family's house. I'm sure they'd have a spare room
I think people don't think about Fuuta's homelife much, or if they do they take Fuuta's one interrogation question where he calls his dad an old fogey and assume its like, abusive
And don't get me wrong, I don't think the Kajiyama household are perfect. Fuuta' beautician sister surely hasn't helped when it comes to Fuuta's body image issues and I'm betting they're all a bunch of tsunderes too embarrassed to say they love each other
But in a series where most of the abused characters are still convinced their abuser loved them/acted out of love. Seeing a guy not be afraid to call his dad a loser is almost a green flag
I think it'd be good for Amane to not necessarily be adopted as the lone child to a single parent but get to be introduced to a very different style of family unit from her own One where its normal to express different opinions or disagreements or even have arguments and not have it be the end of the world
Amane already has a snarky side to her, I bet it'd flourish in a brash household like the Kajiyama's (or at least how I imagine them to be)
OOHHH wait I love that so much! >:O
I agree -- I never interpreted Fuuta's family as abusive or harmful, just not super close and struggling a bit after his mother left. (And yeah, all as openly emotional as him😭) They seem stable and very capable to taking in a extra, very well-behaved child. Assuming Fuuta is the way he is because of them, that atmosphere of being very honest and forward would work well for her. They say things as they are, little by little pointing out the harmful parts of her worldview. Like you said, none of them make excuses about harmful behavior stemming from love, so she'd get a really healthy dose of truth in that area. She never feels coddled or treated like a baby. They care for her while treating her very maturely.
I absolutely love how well she and Fuuta get along, with that snarky side to her that you mentioned. It would allow her to fit in well in the new household, getting the sense of belonging she'll lose after leaving the cult. Also, seeing how Fuuta and his sister let things slip and aren't perfect sons/daughters, she'll be able to relax about earning a parent's love through perfect behavior. She'll probably stay exactly the same, but her stress about it will fade <3
I doubt Fuuta's father can ever replace the hole she'll have from her own father, but the addition of an older sister will be huge. Amane will never get the feeling her mother is being replaced, but the woman will still fill the gap of the older, same-gender role model she needs. Her beautician job may throw Amane at first (being an indulgence in vanity), but it isn't as in-your-face as other careers. I think she could definitely ease Amane into accepting it, and over time, accepting her own personal "indulgence."
Plus, her moving in would also be really good for Fuuta! I think he'd recognize there's a ton of fun things she missed out on, and that heroic side of him outweighs the part that cringes: he gripes and groans about going to "kid places," but he's always the one to announce "I can't believe you've never been to __, we're going right now!!" This allows him to touch grass leave the house and experience his own life to the fullest. He's able to channel his desire to help society into a healthier outlet. Also, seeing her studying habits and plans for the future might even inspire him to do the same. (might.) He becomes the stereotypical good big brother, though of course he denies it viciously...
I have recently been going insane over their friendship so I'm completely taken with this idea OUGH thank you for telling me ;-----;
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luvsavos · 8 months
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i am once again apologizing for my lack of activity/responsiveness
my childhood cat passed away a few days ago which has just been more stuff on top of everything else for me to deal with to stress me out and upset me
i'll try to get back to stuff. Eventually. as soon as i can</3
#mar.txt#still very much upset about losing him,but it's kind of faded for numbness now#still not holding up great though especially considering how sudden it was#he was all fine and healthy and then just suddenly started to rapidly go downhill and within like. two days he was gone#he was so weak. couldn't move almost at all,his meows were barely just meow-sounding exhales. the last two things he did were#getting my attention so i would come to him,then attempted to crawl onto my lap and despite me being less than a foot away he couldn't make#it. so i brought him onto my bed on my lap with me. and then at some point later after another sudden onset of diarrhea (which seemed to#take absolutely all of his remaining strength) and i'd brought him back to my bed after cleaning the poop off of him he got my attention to#move his head so he could look up at me. and that's how he passed. looking up at me.#despite everything,he was purring. so weak and faint i could hardly feel it,but. he was purring,maybe until the moment he finally passed.#he was obviously suffering. and we couldn't afford to get someone to put him down so we just did what we could for him.#i'm glad that,at least,he was happy in his final moments. he wanted to be with me and i'm glad i could give him that. i HAD needed to go out#that day but i opted to stay home because i was worried he'd pass while i was gone. sure enough if i had gone out he would have.#i'm glad i could give him the comfort and company he wanted in his final moments. i'm glad i made him happy enough in them to purr even#despite how weak he was. i'm glad he didn't pass alone and possibly in pain.#ive lost a lot of pets in my life. but amos? he's only like. three years younger than me? we practically grew up together. ive known him his#entire life. no amount of being told it hurts to lose a childhood pet will ever compare to the reality of it happening.#i buried him outside my window. so he's close to home.#vent post? i guess?
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cuntwrap--supreme · 2 months
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My dog has been having senior moments, such as randomly forgetting what she's doing or trying to walk into a street, and I've been calling her "Mr. President" when it happens.
Like, "No, Mr. President, we can't walk into oncoming traffic. That's how we get killed!"
#it makes me sad that she's so old. and it's only in the past couple months that she's been doing this.#she's still overall very physically healthy. we go on walks almost every day and as long as she wants to.#and she eats well and takes vitamins and her teeth are kept clean and her claws trimmed and her coat clean#but she's slipping a little mentally#she's 11 which is old as hell for a dog her size. the vet said golden retriever mixes (which is what i assume she is) usually live to 10.#and she's not even started going white too much. just around her snoot and a little on her paws.#so when i take her in the vet always assumes she's like 6#but I've had this crusty old lady since shortly before i was even legally an adult#and I'm scared for when she does die because my other dog dying damn near made me commit suicide#and like I've said. I've had her a lot longer.#if she were a person she'd be going into middle school. like.#and she's had her share of weird health things. she's had a thyroid issue since she was 4. she has a weird skin condition.#she's had a couple surgeries and has scars from being attacked by random dogs (not my fault. she's well trained)#she's fallen a couple times recently but the vet says that's normal for her age#she went blind then wasn't blind and is going blind again#her hearing is starting to get shit too#I'm just so worried about her. this dog is a person to me. she's more real than my family in my mind.#and my cat is cool and all. but she's not a people. she's just a cat.#i guess the best i can hope for her is she lives the rest of her life comfortably and can die peacefully in her sleep#i think I'd completely come unglued from reality if i lost another dog to surprise everything cancer#but that's what I'm most scared of#because it came on so quickly and no one caught it despite me being that person who takes their dogs to the vet over a cough#she's sleeping right now and making goofy ass dog dream sounds. and i know i won't hear that any more sometime soon.#dog#old dog#senior dog#clio#joe biden mention
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elytrafemme · 2 months
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my best friend (no. 4, i'll start assigning emojis soon for lore followers) asked me about BPD and i told them i'd talk more about it in person because BPD is the exact overlap of my own lived experience (note: i am not diagnosed but have extensive history with BPD in a secret more confusing way) and my psychological interest. but like now i'm thinking about it and generally speaking i think anything that was a symptom towards BPD i experienced has either grown more mild now that i'm out of an active trauma situation, OR has just become part of what i consider my amorphous CPTSD thing,
but i do like. think about the efforts to avoid perceived/real abandonment. and maybe i've not gone to the lengths some folks might with this but to be honest the more i think back to my own personal history the more i realize that i do in fact repeatedly do insane shit to avoid abandonment 😭
#NEVER beating the abandonment issues allegations#haunted by the time someone tried to break up with me and i told them they could cheat on me with other people so long as they didn't leave#ALSO haunted by the idea of breaking up with my ex causing me so much anxiety i was physically sick and begging then like very soon after#i lost pretty much all interest in my ex 😭 ALSO thinking about getting into my first relationship so that person wouldn't leave#ALSO thinking about being unable to sleep at night knowing that if i don't get a job i will never see my dad again (NOBODY SAID THIS)#also almost ******* ****** because my friends were at an unknown location together so i was convinced they hated me#also feeling ******** at the thought of my favorite professor not liking me as a student. & spending my 1st r acting out so id see them#Um. anyway i don't have BPD but i'm never really beating the allegations for it anyway#mostly because BPD and CPTSD are so similar and you have to wonder if they'd be different diagnoses if we didn't have-#-such a carceral system that stigmatizes BPD and certain kinds of survivors and condemns them to never being treated like humans <-#who said that omg...#when i lay it out it doesn't even really sound like i have abandonment issues because these all seem kind of normal#but i think maybe that's insane. I don't know. kisses u with tongue#i'm able to have healthy friendships now sometimes but some people i am deep seededly convinced will leave and betray me#and i don't really know what distinguishes one person from another but it does kill me inside !#Shout out to best friend no. 2 & no. 5. i text one when i'm episodic so i can get her attention & the other i consistently like.#Will do literally anything for so that they don't leave me
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red-dragon-archfiend · 10 months
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I've been watching a lot of videos about competitive Pokemon lately, and I'm starting to think that maybe people shouldn't be allowed to express their opinions on it without playing it first
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siena-sevenwits · 1 year
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vote-loki · 3 months
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Posted several vent posts that I think painted my wife and i’s relationship in a really negative light, and they don’t use tumblr anymore and literally can’t see them but I remembered I had irl’s on here and feel I should clarify that I genuinely love my wife and love being in a relationship with them.
Love as an autistic person dating a non autistic person is often times difficult. We have a gap in our communication that sometimes manifests as one or both of us getting angry. But we are also both adults and those fights are quick to resolve, and are few and far between anyway. I just only ever post about that stuff and nothing else.
I feel like I have to vent HERE because my best friend is ALSO my wife’s best friend and I CANNOT vent to people we both know what if I accidentally change their perception of my wife 😭😭😭
I need to start posting good things my wife does too so I don’t change my tumblr friends and mutual’s perspective of my wife because I was mad when they wouldn’t check their bag for their wallet at 6 am this morning and posted in anger without proofreading my tags to see how bad they sounded
Like I love my wife my wife is so cool I am my wife’s number one fan. Thank you.
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mcnuggyy · 1 year
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man having grown up in an abusive household makes it so hard to tell when something is a normal disagreement a normal family would have and what is a fight that is absolutely something a normal healthy family would never ever have… like…. 😐
#it happened so fast too I can’t even process how it set off#context being my mom got really dizzy which happens because of her condition#and so we asked her to lay down#about 30 min later she’s back up again making sandwiches for my dad#we all start like calmly kinda teasingly being like cmon dad#she should be laying down why did you have her get up for that#and then my sister said something and then my dad got louder and she got louder and I was like why are we yelling#and so I had to get loud and it was just a whole mess#and my dad got really really fucking mad#and was being a total dick in my opinion#over like… nothing#and my mom sounded all scared and idk man it was a very weird interaction#and I was really shocked up about it because my brain just always goes back to when we used to get hit#but we’re adults now so I’m sure that won’t happen again but sometimes the way my dad gets pissed off#like it feels like it still could happen again one day ykno….#idk#I know so much is in the past#but it still feels like it happen again every so often and it’s very very very scary lol#anyways I can’t wait to leave <3 hahaha#but seriously like is that normal idk probably not I wish I had some sort of reference to what a healthy parent is supposed to be like#i don’t know a single person with a good relationship w their parents at least not both of them#it’s always just like one or none of them lmao#anyways#</3#abuse cw#also to make matters worse this all happened during our movie nights we’ve been having#to make my sisters boyfriend feel welcome in the family#since he moved in#like I can’t imagine moving into my partners house#and just hearing like constant screaming fighting matches randomly throughout the week like ok 😐😐😐
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xamaxenta · 1 year
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It’s difficult to not feel discouraged sometimes when your partner is also an artist and happens to be faster than you in every conceivable way
This doesn’t bother me often because everyone is different and comparing production time and skill against each other or anyone is detrimental mostly and its ok to have your own workflow
but it does weigh on me vaguely sometimes sometimes that she can finish 2-3 full coloured pieces within a week and ive been painfully scratching out the same number but theyre only sketches that ill never revisit within a month
None of this actually matters in the long run, it just makes me feel bad on occasion
#like i should be doing more#im very sorry for complaining so much online#i just dont really have any other way to express myself#i know some of you have generously and kindly reached out to me to offer an ear#but my fatal flaw is i cant talk to anyone about my problems i just idk it was beaten into me that none of it matter#matters or my problems arent a big deal and i know ots healthy to think actuallt my problems are worth talking about or a big deal#but its hard to change a behaviour that was kinda literally beaten jnto you that talking about stuff likw this is a waste of time#i guess i just feel bad that i could do more and i dont because i dont want to#but i also want to if that makes any sense at all#i suppose it also doesnt help that alot of the work im doing right now i actually sorta hate like none of it is good to me personally#i want to stop being toxic towards myself#i just wanna stop hating me and who i am and what i do every step of the way#but that mean little voice inside me is like ahh. it wont shut up#I always say i need a break or more time but what am i gonna do with it#doing nothing at all isnt fulfilling#it sounds. sad like what teenager me did and i dont want to be or feel like that ever again but its fuckjng hard#this is so woe is me#im a liar bc i say the main text doesnt bother me but it bothers me alot im very envious of her speed prolificness and drive to create#and i have none like thats so unfair#this makes me sound ultra bitter god fucking damn it#i want to go to sleep and genuinely never fucking wake up again#please im done i just dont want to
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starphobe · 5 months
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fh fandom back to wishing death on a fictional teenager for being mentally ill and not learning how to cope with that in a healthy way. what else is new
#do i think klck is correct? no#do i think a fandom full of grown adults should stop holding this (manipulated) (not sound of mind) teenager to wack standards? ya#like.... some of you are... how do i say this.... ~projecting~#and dont get me wrong this isnt me trying to say shes some kind of innocent misunderstood blorbo 🥺🥺🥺#i think shes a freak and a cunt. but im going to be normal about it and NOT say that she deserves to be killed (????)#pre-overtaking she was clearly aware that her behavior wasn't healthy#the fact she even went to jawbone at all (and was honest with him!) proves that imo#personally i feel like she might be neurodivergent -> struggling with knowing which rules to break and which ones to not#we literally JUST had an episode where the principal of AAA told students to their face that studying and working hard is dumb#i think kipperlilly came to aguefort. couldn't get a grip on what they Actually wanted from her#(parents went to mumple. she couldnt have been prepared for aguefort)#and out of frustration she fixated on people who were doing well and compared herself to them#and the only major surface difference she could find? tragic backstories#it only makes sense that she'd assume that THAT is what was missing. her inability to adapt to AAA was out of her control#so instead of blaming smth abstract (neurodivergence/other mental illness)#this single. concrete. and obvious difference is way easier to latch on to#but yeah. imo she just reads as someone super neurodivergent who received No Help because she 'made do'#and when thrown into a situation that required a skillset she wasn't born with. she shut down and got defensive#noone is born wanting to die yadda yadda#i think it's very interesting that when jawbone turned the question around on her (asking what SHE could do to get better)#she got quiet and awkward#its almost like she was trying her best? and just couldn't figure out where to go next?#and OH would you look at that. jace offering her a trip to the mountains of chaos. for a ~super dangerous adventure~#🙄#anyway.#awfully convenient. isn't it.#this has been me. having takes on ms goldendoodle shibainu#goodnight everyone (its noon)#not tagging this out of fear of the *** stans out there who will not stop taking things personally
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🔥unpopular charles opinion
The thing is, it’s not an opinion, really. The question isn’t meant to be a complaint or a rebuttal or anything. I just genuinely don’t get it! The question goes something like this.
So Charles/Klinger seems to be the one actively disliked ship in the fandom, discounting the h*nn*hawk vs p*erc*ntyre gang war and that one rabidly anti-hawnk person (lol). Most nobody has any love for the ship, because it’s stupid and OOC, of course, but mostly because it’s egregiously obviously racist and gross, which is the critique that seems most common, and to be of most importance to people.
And to be clear, for the purposes of this post I am wholly agreeing with all that! It’s distasteful and immoral and people who are into it are insane, including me. I’m not arguing against this line of thinking, I just wanted to look at its inner logic. Because when I first heard people saying this, I thought, “Yeah, makes sense, Charles is truthfully a terrible person with abhorrent opinions. Nobody watching this already unfortunately bigotry-riddled show is obligated to try and look past that! It is Always valid to hate Charles’ guts.”
But it turns out most of the fandom (I assume it must be most, given how shockingly few people here have blocked me) actually don’t hate Charles, in general. It’s the specific ship, not the character, that’s distasteful. (Not to say any Charles ship is anything resembling popular, but like with most ships, that’s just a result of the general population’s Hawkeye BJ Laser Focus Gaze. I’ve never seen anybody actively dislike these ships when they’re brought up.) And the more I think about it, the more I wonder why, because well. to put it bluntly. It’s not like someone stops being racist when they’re not actively interacting with a nonwhite person.
You know what I mean? I feel like Charles’ bigotry would be a turn off for all of our generally morally sound protagonists, not just one who happens to be personally affected by it. But it only becomes an issue when it involves Klinger. I’ve heard people say that any Charles/Klinger ship fic would obviously have to go out of its way to address Charles’ racism, but I’ve read a few Charles/Hawkeye and Charles/Donna (and Charles / other strange and varied choices too, because of course I have) fics–really, REALLY good fics, that captured the characters very nicely and are very beautifully written–and I’ve yet to find one that discusses The Bigotry In The Room with any degree of seriousness.
(Pssst this is everyone’s chance to absolutely dunk on me by sending me fics that do this if there actually are a bunch and I’ve just never read them because I would in fact LOVE to read some fics with that topic regardless of ship!)
And to be clear, that’s fine with me! I truly do not care. When I read Charles running away to Maine or romancing Ms. Parker and I don’t see his love interests stop to ask “Hey, um, so any updates on the fact that you and your whole family are eugenicists?”, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, because I just assume that Charles has already gone through the cult deprogramming step of his character development at some point prior to this, and either the love interest in question has already confirmed this off-page, or they are making the same assumption I am. After all, at least in Hawkeye’s case, the mere act of admitting romantic interest in a Democrat from the back of beyond would necessarily imply a shift in values, right?
(Admittedly, for all we canonically know Donna could be a fashy scumlord herself, so this reasoning doesn’t wholly apply there, but it obviously does to her fanon background/personality.) (Which is adorable, by the way. Everyone go check out the collective oeuvre of AO3 user onekisstotakewithme.)
So that’s all cool! It’s just that the same thing applies for me when it comes to Charles/Klinger. If anything, it applies even more, because you can have a fic where Charles’ whole family attend his and Donna’s 2nd wedding (Everyone go check out the collective oeuvre of AO3 user onekisstotakewithme!!!) but if Charles gets with Maxwell in any capacity, his father is at the very LEAST never going to speak to him again, ever. And personally I think that is SO fun and sexy, because Charles’ father is a white supremacist and I want him to die painfully forever and ever amen. <3
I got sidetracked a few times here and I just realized I never actually asked the question, which is, TL;DR: If it’s immoral–or at least gross and nonsensical–to ship Charles/Klinger, because Charles is bigoted, shouldn’t the same also apply to shipping Charles with many other characters too, given that they should logically also have a problem with his bigotry?
For what it’s worth, I have a bit of a theory about the answer to this, all to do with the incompetent way Charles’ bigotry (and other characters’ reactions to it) are portrayed in canon and the deeper Doylist factors that I think forced the showrunners into writing it like that, but I wanted to stay strictly on the topic of fandom attitudes for now, because it may be niche and silly, but I find it interesting. And I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on it!
#Did this sound rude? Was I totally incoherent? Is everyone mad at me now? All these questions & more swirling around in my brain right now#It seems like such an obvious thing I feel stupid even bringing it up because there must just be some huge thing I'm missing#but I can't figure out what it is!#There was so much more I wanted to bring up here as I said but I had to Stop haha#like sometime I also want to do a post on how most people seem to envision Charles fitting back into his family and his old life very well#and I always picture the exact opposite! Not just from a ''what I would want to have happen'' POV but also just#what I think would complete his arc in a satisfying way and build on the things that happened to him in canon#not saying he's gong to go home and become a commie immediately (ah! if only!) and I think he WOULD try DESPERATELY#to have everything be exactly the same. but I just don't think it would work!#like Margaret and unlike BJ or Hawkeye his pre-war life was not built on healthy sustainable or even ethical foundations#and that life is going to collapse in on him!#but ghdsjkgdsj STOP I will make a separate post later. enough controversy for today I'm sleepy#(but I also do SOOO want to make a post examining the insane inconsistencies in how the protags treat Charles and his bigotry cause it's#SIMPLY RIDIC#)#Hawkeye when he wants to have a little bonding moment with Charles:#I can excuse racism but I draw the line at failing to flirt with a 6'4'' millionaire. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!#and the thing is Maxwell also does this. but of course THAT isn't ok. wheezing.#Charles: god I fucking HATE [checks the list of protected minorities to find an ethnic group that's not on there] uhhh MEDITERRANEANS#Max who is used to long odds and is already mentally rehearsing his teary ''But officer! My husband was in that house!'' speech:#haha yeah ok Major. I think we are soulmates btw :)#THIS POST IS A DISASTER. APOLOGIES TO EVERYONE AND HAVE A NICE DAY.#Charles Emerson Winchester III#MASH#Starky loves answering questions#marley-manson#CHARMAX#Starky's Original Posts
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kyouka-supremacy · 2 years
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chuuaku is the best fr
PLEASE COME OFF ANON I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU
#people asks me stuff#chuuaku#ryūnosuke akutagawa#chūya nakahara#Chuuaku is so much!!!!! Really underappreciated ship in the fandom if there is one#I just like how safe it is!!! I like how they can trust each other truly. I like the lack of tension and conflict–#because sometimes that's good too!!! Friends to lovers ships ARE good– and in this franchise that is just enemies to lovers dynamics–#all over again it's so nice and refreshing!!!!#I like the concept of Akutagawa and Chuuya finding someone they can feel safe and sound with– it's nice‚ it's what both of them deserve.#They deserve to take a break from all the pain the world gave them‚ they deserve someone who can make them feel loved.#Like I feel like it would be so hard for either of them to ever be truly‚ truly happy but like... That's what they can give each other.#In different ways they deserve and respect each other- and in Akutagawa's case it has the potential to be an actual–#healthy appreciation you know‚ so different from his obsession with Dazai. Actually learning to love someone gradually‚ without the–#constant being hurt that is Chuuya's relationship with Dazai and Akutagawa's relationship with both Dazai and Atsushi–#(because like‚ obviously I'm into sskk‚ but it's evident they'd hurt each other) which is like... Actually very nice?#To have a ship that is not born from hatred and mutual hurting each other? Just learning more about each other–#and eventually falling in love? Love born from MUTUAL respect and admiration??? (Stretching this part because sometimes they make it sound–#like Akutagawa just fell in love with another mentor and like. personally not really into that‚ my ship needs to be on equal footing–#or I won't bother. Not even to mention the fact that Akutagawa really can't take‚ mentally and emotionally‚ having another mentor.)#And I'm running out of tags but like. I KNOW the conflict of s/kk and ss/kk is juicy but once again sometimes having someone you can 100%–#trust and know won't abandon you‚ that you can love without reservations and that you know they will love you back the same way...#Really is the good stuff‚ and what I'd wish both Akutagawa and Chuuya!!!#Like I love the concept Akutagawa complaining about Atsushi to lie to himself that he's in love with him but like.#The concept of Akutagawa coming home and SINCERELY complaining to his husband Chuuya about that weretiger for once he GENUINELY despises–#is admittedly endearing. And that's what Chuuaku is all about to me!!!!!#Coming home to a person you love. Finally having found your place in the world– a place where you can be happy.#I could talk about them forever
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angel---eater · 2 months
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Don't know why when I switched in I immediately felt like I was dying, but I guess we're back in the fuckin' building again.
#TT.txt#/ref. I mean I know exactly why and its just Mysterious Cluster B Bullshit#My partner had kind of a weird and rough time today and he ageslid and it was a brief but kind of scary mess. And I worry.#He's a whole adult and knows his own limits but I fret and worry and wring my faggoty little hands anyway because I love him and want#him to be okay always. He's really really important to me.#It's just.... excruciatingly hard being LDR for 12 years. I feel like I can't do much to help when he's in a rough spot and I'm over here.#I worry that I'm not the best at taking care of him when he's vulnerable like that too.#🧩 is the guy who looks after him usually because he's our Caretaker. I literally splintered him off just for that when we were kids#I'm getting better but I don't really have the confidence yet. That parts new to me.#Sounds weird maybe but y'know... plural. Shit can be sectioned off like this. But I'm usually the one being looked after by him.#And I'm the kind of person who isn't happy just taking. I want to give back very badly but I'm still... figuring out how to do that#in a healthy way.#I want to take care of and spoil my partners because they deserve it & it also makes me happy or at the very least settled and content.#Grounded I think is a better word. Yeah its grounding.#When take care of them sucessfully I'm also proving to myself that I'm capable of being okay. That I can trust myself too.#I just kind of really want to hold him right now :( when will the fucking borders let me see my husband again.#Sorry for tuning you in to self-therapy with Dirk but it's also my blog. Hi if you've read all this.#I love my pluralpolycule and I want to make sure they're all okay and not wanting for anything.#Legit all I want to fuckin' do is walk around with a goddamn tray of snacks for them all like everyone's housewife.#That'd be the life. I'd be so content doing that I'm so serious.#our t
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foldingfittedsheets · 4 months
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Did you know guinea pigs are born just like. Tiny adults? They’re fully cooked. They come out, eyes open, fully furred, ready to do the whole array of guinea pig activities.
I learned this as a child. I was perhaps ten when this story took place. Our female guinea pig was pregnant, but she’d gotten mites and needed a bath. She was wildly pregnant. Bulging at the seams with babies. Ready to burst at any moment because all the babies needed to stay in there long enough to be full pigs. But we wanted to avoid the babies all getting mites and needing baths. We failed, they all needed baths. Mites are a bitch.
We knew she had three babies cooking in there. How did we know? We could feel each individual bulge in her belly. My mom was overseeing the pig bath but I was pretty much just doing my own thing, scrubbing her gently, rinsing the soap carefully.
After the bath our mother pig was not in the best mood. I was carrying her back to her freshly made mite free bedding when she’d had enough.
I was acutely aware that I was holding four lives in my childish grip, and I bore her along as if she were made of precious jewels and spun glass. Balanced in my hands I could feel the bulge of each of her babies slithering wetly around under her skin.
Which is why when she hauled off and sank her teeth into the meat of my hand I didn’t flinch. I didn’t drop her. I bore her as carefully and steadily as if I weren’t now bleeding freely, and I set her gently into her pig palace.
As I drew my hands away I screamed:
“FUCK!!!”
I then turned to look at my mother, who’d been watching the process intently.
I was fully aware that I had just done the worst possible swear directly in front of an authority figure and was very probably going to be punished. My mom was looking at me with a blank expression that I was waiting to turn stormy or disappointed.
“That must have hurt a lot,” was all she said.
She helped me throughly clean and bandage the bite. All the babies were born healthy and sound, looking like someone had used a shrink ray on trio of a guinea pigs.
Years later my mother confided in me that contrary to my belief that she’d be angry for swearing what she’d felt for me in that moment was overwhelming pride that in the face of pain and shock I had refused to let harm befall my little charges.
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trans-xianxian · 3 months
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had to take one of my rats to the vet because she has this weird pink Bump on her stomach and thus I paid ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY FIVE DOLLARS for the vet to be like yeah I don't really know you should see a specialist here's an ointment for it. I am going to commit violence
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llycaons · 5 months
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something else I really love about feast and famine is how wwx isn't all 'wow lan zhan you're the best I can't believe you've been putting up with me I'm SO grateful you're literally perfect even though I'm so needy thank you so so so much' bc that sentiment arises in a lot of fics that handle his trauma or mental health and it's SO tiresome not to mention ooc. like it's not there for no reason bc wwx did express gratitude in canon and lwj IS a really good and supportive partner, but it's really refreshing to see wwx in a stable and reliable enough relationship where, except that one time he was triggered and panicking, he literally never once doubted that lwj would support and stand with him, nor did he ever feel the need to even thank lwj for being a good partner, even through the extremely heavy and difficult work of supporting him through what happened
and they DO communicate a lot, it's more that the gratitude is left unsaid because it's mutually understood to be unnecessary. and as much I'm in favor of them communicating their gratitude to each other, I feel like this dynamic for them is so much healthier and more mature and illustrates how strong their relationship is and how much they trust each other. also the idea of lwj as this...saintlike martyr who nobly supports and reassures a self-hating wwx is really tiring. he has his own struggles to be sure, but he has them away from wwx and the writing doesn't frame him as some tragic, self-sacrificing hero for it. like I love lwj but that's what it should be about, right? this was always going to be wwx's story first and foremost and I really appreciate works that let it be that
#like lwj freaking out to his brother or telling jyl about his trauma around his mom and going to support groups#that was so necessary and important for him. and wwx probably knew he was doing it. but he and the narrative didn't make it wwx's problem#OR make a big deal of not making it wwx's problem which is the more annoying and common trend#one of my early criticisms abt this fic was actually that they were TOO well-adjusted and healthy#wwx's past trauma seems to be limited to whatever made him scared of dogs and getting disowned as a teenager#which is awful to be sure but not rly comparable to canon#and in fact I was surprised his canon suicidal tendancies never showed up#but I think he was in a safe and supportive enough environment that that also made sense#like. everything possible that could be done was done. lwj came back from his trip. jyl was with him from that first morning#jc came in to help even though he fucked it up initially I think wwx clearly was really happy to have him there#he didn't have to work or worry about food or money or being alone#not that the current system is perfect obviously. like he did get a bunch of therapy and specialized therapy but#he got medical care immediately which while necessary was ALSO traumatizing and went to support groups which ALSO were horrible/demeaning#but overall compared to canon post-SS#he was able to break down and process everything in a healthy way#instead of suppressing his trauma because he has an obligation to be strong for others or to keep people alive#in canon he doesn't really have that freedom until postres. and then post-travels even#and by then things have faded with time. but I wonder if that makes it easier or harder to process them#esp since most of the people who he was close to back then are all gone#anyway. fic I think about literally constantly but idk if I can reread it all again it's very painful and heavy. like most of it but#the hospital scene is just so horrifying#not my favorite but up there maybe. I certainly regard it higher than a place to hide for exactly the reasons listed in the post#the first sex scene is so cringe tho 😔 I must sound like a maniac. like that post about showing ppl hxh for the first time#but it's so well-written besides that part I PROMISE#suicide tw#just a mention but eh#ficblogging
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