#because what if I say I’m one thing and turns out that’s the wrong lable?

[6point5crows]

Gender crisis hours:

So… for a few years now I’ve been going by they/them. Though not particularly to out about it behind social media and friends, I’ve felt comfortable in being they/them, non-binary.

However recently, my partners have been calling me “boyfriend” which has made me ever so extra happy… so now I’m having my own gender crisis. Because that term makes me feel so happy.

But I still know I’m non-binary, right? But do I like he/him pronouns as well as they/them? I’m not sure. Maybe I like they/them but being called a boy?? Is that it?!? What if some days I feel more they/them than he/him? Or more he/him than they/them?

I’ve never given myself an opportunity to explore any other pronouns beyond those, either. What if another set fits me better? What then? What does any of this mean??? WHAT AM I???

[bellmo15-blog]

Everything Wrong With BellmoTheGreat Vol 2

-The fact that both this and the original journal were inspired by Cinema’s Sins. Specifically, there videos on Everything Wrong With… THEMSELVES! Because no movie, or person, is without sin. +1

-And speaking of Cinema Sins because I really can’t think of a better time to bring this up, I actually use to love them! Not just them but any other channel that was basically just Cinema Sins but for gaming. You know, ones like Dartigan, Charrii5, GCN, those sorts of people. Normally I’m all for people enjoying what they want but me liking these channels in particular was a sin. +2

-There’s a lot of reasons I stopped watching these channels, from the constant scene manipulation to playing dumb to make things look like they don’t make sense to repeating sins to making bad pop culture references that aren’t sins of what they were sinning to acting like “the books don’t matter” to constantly contradicting themselves (they will sin a movie/game for not explaining anything but then turn around and sin it FOR explaining two much) or in the case of stuff like Cinema Sins Harry Potter videos saying some REALLY creepy stuff like “Hermine isn’t old enough to be hot yet.” (Yes, they ACTUALLY said that in almost all their HP videos, go watch them if you don’t believe me) to thinking they can get away with it because they write themselves of as “satire” as if satire can’t still be criticised and those channels STILL putting actual criticisms in there videos. +3

-That being said, I haven’t been watching channels like Th3Birdman and others like him that do Everything Wrong With videos on Everything Wrong With videos and well, this journal IS an Everything Wrong With on myself so… I guess I can’t really escape this type of content. +4

-I’m still white! But not so white that I don’t know what New Growth means. +5

-I’m 27 years old but I have more than 22 years of gaming experience. Hey, some of us don’t just come out of the womb knowing how to hold a controller. Sometimes we wait until we get a Playstation 2 for Christmas of 2000 before we do. +6

-I was a Playstation kid for most of the 2000’s. Yes, I did have a Gameboy Advanced, Wii and DS but most of my time was spent on either my Playstation 2, Playstation 3 or Playstation Portable. +7

-I had a Playstation 3 over an Xbox 360 and I am not ashamed of that! +8

-I once played a train conductor in my High Schools performance of Goodnight Mister Tom in the beginning of the performance where Willie’s mother sends him off to live with Tom on the train despite that opening never once happening in the original book our play was based on. Trust me, we had to read the book in school, I know! +9

-One time I was asked to help sell beer at a local footy game despite not liking either football or beer. +10

-Also, I’m an Australian who doesn’t enjoy or watch the footy. Yes, that’s a sin! +11

-Inkling Michael exists! +12

-Inkling Michael: Hey screw you! I’m beautiful! Take a sin off for me! -11

-Shiver is my favourite Splatoon girl behind Marina. Yeah you heard me Frye fans who get salty that Shiver has won almost every Splatfest in Splatoon 3 so far! +12

-Hate makes me stronger. Actually, hate makes ALL of us stronger! No really, what a lot of people don’t realize it that prior to dislikes being removed from Youtube they still technically counted as likes and leaving negative comments on a post was usually enough to get that post trending. Hate really does make us all stronger! We are all collectively like the Sith in a Star Wars movie. +13

-The reason review scores don’t have any value to me is actually because it’s pointless to give a score to something that will be subjective to everyone who experiences that! +14

-Same with arguing over what game “deserves” Game of the Year. To me Game of the Year is nothing more than a meaningless title that holds no real value yet everyone is always so determined to lable what they think is the best game of that year period ignoring the fact that again, we all have different tastes and what you consider to be Game of the Year won’t be someone else’s favourite. There’s a good reason I stopped taking this saying very seriously after the 2020 Game Awards where everyone collectively overreacted to The Last of Us Part 2 winning. +15

-I went to my local Pizza Hut once, got sick and had to go to the bathroom and then a few days later the place closed down. I didn’t even put in a complaint or anything, it just happened! So yeah, to everyone in my town who’s sad over that you can blame me for it, kinda. +16

-I have Autism. And despite what some people still think it doesn’t make you stupid. But I still have it so… +17

-Those who think I don’t read any of the source material a game is based on are going to be even more disappointed when I tell them… yeah actually your right. Most of the time at least. +18

-No actually, can I just take this opportunity to vent for a second about something? The books DO fucking matter! The Witcher games would not exist if the books didn’t exist. The Batman Arkham games would not exist if the Batman comics did not exist! Every single Star Wars game ever would not exist if the Star Wars movies didn’t exist! The Simpsons Hit and Run would not exist if the Simpsons Show didn’t exist! Kingdom Hearts would not exist if Disney didn’t! This isn’t really a sin on myself or anything, I just wanted to vent about this because people genuinely think that the source material something is based on “doesn’t matter” or that they need to consult a book just to understand it while also ignoring that these adaptations are just that! Adaptations of already existing stories and characters! And even then, most adaptations you don’t ALWAYS have to consult a book thanks to a little thing you might have heard of called “show don’t tell!” Jesus Fucking Christ, media literacy really IS dead if people say that the books “don’t matter!”

-Prior to Sony removing the option to share videos and clips to Twitter via PS5 I had to censor my swear words even though I don’t have any problem with swear words. Why? Because Sony made it so that it stops you from sharing anything if your post includes a swear. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve had to do this! +19

-I’ve managed to piss off both Star Wars fans and Pokemon fans even though I love both those things. +20

-I’ve gotten 2 pics of my sona hypnotized and coiled by Kaa but not one pic of me with Miia or Alice. +21

-I don’t understand Roman Numerals. Or at least I don’t understand ones up to VI. +22

-You can usually tell just how much of a franchsie I actually know just based on how I write some of the descriptions to my commissions. “Junko from Danganropa in an interesting suit designed around the funny bear man from the same series.” HIS NAME IS FUCKING MONOKUMO YOU UNCULTURED SWINE! +23

-Somehow some of the best friends I’ve made in the past 5 years have been artists, some of whom I’ve commissioned several times, yet the most I’ve ever done in terms of actual art is a couple of sketches done on my 3DS that I did in like five minutes. +24

-Someone once tried to insult me on Facebook by calling me a Trump Supporter even though A) They were replying to a comment I made that had nothing to do with Donald Trump, B) I’m not even American and C) Fuck Donald Trump! +25

-Yeah no, I still don’t like Spec Ops The Line. Sorry! +125

-I tweet like a normal weirdo which is clearly an act. +126

-I actually, unironically enjoy Sonic and The Black Knight! It’s a pain to play sometimes if you’re playing this on actual hardware like I do because of the motion controls but I actually have fun with this game. I haven’t played Sonic and the Secret Rings yet but I’m willing to bet I’d enjoy that two. And not just because one of the characters in it is an admittedly really cute genie girl. +127

-Everyone thinks I have a massive love for Shantae which… yeah, I do! Obviously, I’ve made that pretty clear in the past, but in reality, EVERYONE has a massive love for Shantae. +128

-The only Paper Mario game I’ve ever played and have still played was Super Paper Mario. +129

-The Nohrian path in Fire Emblem Fates will forever be superior to the Hoshidens. And let me stop you right there, it’s NOT purely because of Camilla! She’s only a bonus reason. +120

-I once sold my Wii U copies of Mario Kart 8 and Pokken Tournament just because I was getting the Switch versions. Yes, that IS a sin because why the fuck would I do that as someone who’s a Wii U defender! (I DID get those versions back eventually though.) +131

-I have WAY to many games that I’ve brought but have never played! Tearaway, all the Little Big Planet games, the first two Infamous games, Astral Chain, Tokyo Mirage Sessions, Zombi U, the list goes on. +132

-I actually enjoy Detroit: Become Human and Heavy Rain. I still yet to finish Beyond Two Souls and Fahrenheit though. +133

-I’ve failed the Wrong Side of the Tracks mission in Grand Theft Auto San Andreas so much at this point that I can’t even be bothered to do that mission the legitimate way anymore! I always just park the bike on a specific roof, get off and jump onto the train to bust some caps in those gangsters’ asses. +134

-I’m sort of still a brony. Not as much as I use to be in the mid 2010’s but I still have a love for this show. +135

-I still believe that the haters of something can be way, WAY worse than the people who enjoy a thing. There’s a dam good reason I was proud to be a brony for most of the 2010s. +136

-I only got into Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared because of Red Guy. He is my spirit animal! +137

-I was enjoying Little Which Academia up to the point where I was spoiled about a pretty big plot twist around one of the characters via a meme! While I was six episodes in! I have yet to continue watching it because of that meme! +138

-I’ve never made a video game therefor I should probably just shut the fuck up. +139

Sin Total: 139 Sentence: Dante makes it into a Smash Game! (But it’s the 2013 reboot Dante!)

[lexwritess]

hii! i saw that your requests were open and wondered if you could do like an angsty xavier x reader? with the prompts 38. and 19? thank you <3 !

why’d you only call me when your high? [x.p.]

pairing: xavier plymton x reader

warnings: dr*g ab*use, fighting, angst, smut, swearing, cheating, both y/n and xavier are assholes, it’s a fucking lot okay? it’s good tho promise!

college au!

italics is flashbacks

normal text is present time

-

xavier fucking plymton.

you had some sort of an idea what you were getting into once you befriended the gorgeous blonde hair idiot but you never imagined this.

“xav, get over here!” montana shouted among the loud music and drunk students.

“meet my friend y/n! she’s super chill, i think i’m gonna make her join the group.” montana smiles.

“make me?” you raise and eyebrow at the blonde.

“oh yeah, montana isn’t to keen on asking people if they want to do things. you’ll end up doing it anyway.” xavier jokes.

“i guess i just got that kind of charm. i’m gonna go fill my drink!” montana walks away.

“xavier.” xavier introduces himself and extends his arm out to you.

“y/n.” you reply and meet his hand to shake it.

“you go to school here?” you asks xavier.

“no, i do go to the improv classes after school hours though.” he replies, leaning in closer to you.

“oh really that’s cool! what’s your interest in that?” you ask.

“i’m going to be a famous actor!” he says cockily.

“oh yeah?” you ask with an amused smirk on your face.

“yeah, i’m already in tons of commercials.” he gives a smile back to you.

you giggle and look around the cramped frat house.

“you wanna get out of here? there’s a really good pizza place down a couple blocks.” you ask xavier, hoping he agrees.

“hell yeah, this place sucks ass.” xavier says happily and grabs his jacket.

“wait wait wait, you’re telling me you did a commercial for some weird ass dildo in japan?” you laugh loudly.

“shhhh!” xavier laughs and pushes his finger against your slightly chapped lips.

“i didn’t know! it was before i had an agent and i was desperate for a gig.” xavier exclaims.

“mmm, japaneseeee dildoooo.” you giggle abruptly.

“oh my god y/n keep it down! are you sure you’re not drunk?” xavier quirks an eyebrow at you.

“i was just at a frat house for three hours with montana fucking duke as my tour guide...i’m drunk.” you giggle again.

“good point there.” xavier laughs at you.

“you can’t act innocent. you’re just as drunk as me!” you cross your arms and look at him.

“well yes, but i never said i wasn’t.” xavier gives you a smug look and takes a drink of his soda.

“yeah yeah whatever.” you playfully roll your eyes and take the drink out of his hand to take a sip.

“do you have a bucket list?” xavier asks.

“no, i don’t think so? i mean there’s things i wanna do but i don’t have them all sorted out.” you reply, shrugging your shoulders.

“well what’s one thing, anything in the world, you want to do and we’ll go do it?” xavier smiles.

“well...i’ve always wanted to hook up with a famous actor.”

“fuck xav!” you moan out as xavier thrusts increase in speed.

“shit y/n.” xaviers eyes roll back as he breathes deeply.

xavier moves your legs so they’re above his shoulders. making him go deeper, causing you both to moan loudly.

“fuck y/n you’re so fucking tight for me. so fucking tight.” xavier grunts, pining your hands above your head.

“shittt, xavier! i’m going to cum!” you moan into his ear.

“i’m almost there.” xavier says in a breathy voice.

“fuck xavier please!” you plead, tightening around him.

“shit shit...go ahead cum for me!” xavier’s thrusts get sloppy as he gets closer to his peak.

your walls clench around him one last time before you both finish.

“fuck that was good.” you giggle and xavier pulls out with a big smirk on his face.

“glad i could cross that off on your bucket list.” he smiles and gets under the covers.

“goodnight x.” you say sleepily and scoot closer.

“night y/n/n.” xavier says softly and wraps his arms around you before falling asleep.

that’s the night you thought you found your perfect person, but nothings ever perfect.

“we’ve just been on a few dates mon, it’s nothing serious!” you explain to montana.

she had found out about you and xaviers “relationship” you don’t think it’s a big deal. you’re just friends.

“what about all the hot dirty sex i’ve heard about?” montana looks at you with her eyebrows raised.

you rolls your eyes at her.

maybe you and xavier aren’t exactly just friends.

“keep your eyes on the road.” you tell her, avoiding the question.

it was her turn to roll her eyes at you.

“okay, you’re still not answering the question.” montana points out.

“okay! maybe we have sex sometimes but it’s normal! a little...” you give her a sheepish smile and she just laughs at your stupidity.

“don’t tell him but i kind of really like him. i like the way his eyes widen when he talks about acting or the way he gives side comments that fly right over chets head, or the way he has to remake his sandwich when we go out to eat because he has this very specific order-.” you rant while montana cuts you off.

“okay, you’re in love with him! why don’t you date him already!” montana shouts.

“he’s just been distant i don’t know...he’s only been calling me over to hook up i think somethings wrong.” you say glumly.

“you should go over and check on him, his apartment isn’t far away from aaron’s. want me to drop you off?” montana offers.

you debate her offer. you don’t just wanna show up uninvited but you did talk about coming over earlier.

“yeah sure if you don’t mind.”

you knock on the door of the apartment complex waiting for your favorite blonde bimbo.

when there was no answer you turn the handle to see if the door was locked.

you open the door and walk into the house a little.

“xavier?” you call out.

no answer.

“xav?” you ask again walking towards his room.

you smile when you see the sight of xavier sleeping soundly in his bed, little snores leaving his mouth once in a while.

you walk around his room admiring the many polaroids of him and his friends.

you grin when you find the one of the night you met.

you take it off the wall to take a closer took at it but you knock something over.

“oops.” you mutter to yourself and bend down to pick it up.

you pick up a small orange bottle with the words oxycodone written on it.

not prescribed to xavier.

you look at the location it fell and found another bottle of pills.

you don’t bother to look at the lable of it and put the other one back.

“what the hell?” you say quietly, tears brimming your eyes.

“y/n?” a groggy voice fills your ears.

you don’t say anything and walk out of his bedroom out to the kitchen.

“wait y/n where are you going?” xavier asks rushes out to stop you from leaving.

“you didn’t tell me you were an addict.” you say just above a whisper.

xaviers face goes white and he runs a hand through his hair.

“you weren’t suppose to find out like this.” he says quietly.

“were you ever going to tell me?” you ask louder this time, making contact with his icy blue eyes.

“of course i was going to tell you.” xavier grabs you wrist pulling you close to him.

“were you high all the times we hung out?”

“no! not all of them...” xavier looks away uneasy.

“the past couple times we fucked?” you ask him with an attitude.

xavier looks at you and a tear runs down his face.

you scoff and continue to put your shoes on.

“y/n, please don’t go! i’ll stop! i’ll drop the pills.” xavier pleads.

“why do you even want me to stay? you won’t commit to me, you don’t wanna hang out with me normally anymore, and you only call me over when you’re high! im fucking tired xavier!” you shout, tears streaming down your face.

“please, i love you. i’ll stop for you.” xavier pleads again.

“you love me?” you ask him with wide eyes.

“yeah.” xavier breathes, his face inches from yours.

“you promise you’ll stop with the pills?” you ask xavier, extending your pinky finger towards him.

“promise.” xavier whispers and intertwines his pinky with yours.

he technically never did break that promise.

“remind me again why we’re getting ice cream ten o’clock at night?” you ask your group of friends with a smile.

“because we’re fucking cool.” montana replies.

“i wish we would of took a car, it’s freezing out.” brooke shivers.

“here! take my jacket.” chet removes his jacket and places it around brookes shoulders.

“you guys are disgusting.” you laugh, taking a bite of your ice cream.

“oh c’mon y/n/n, let them enjoy being in love!” ray jokes, nudging your shoulder.

“yeah, you’re just mad xavier didn’t show.” chet says while shoving a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth.

“wait you told me xavier had an audition?” montana asks you confused.

“i know...i’m sorry i lied. i’m just worried and i didn’t want to think about it.” you say quietly.

the group looks at you with remorse and ray wraps a comforting arm around you.

“guys be careful going around this corner, lots of junkies.” chet says distastefully.

everyone picks up the pace a little walking down the alleyway to get back to the main street.

you turn your head to look towards a group of people when you recognize someone familiar.

“holy shit.” you say with tears brimming your eyes.

“guys be quiet and fast now.” you say urgently and you quickly get back to the main road.

“y/n what’s wrong?” brooke asks.

“xav-xavier was back there.” you say with a shaky breath.

“i think i’m going to head out...i’ll see you at home tana. thanks for ice cream.” you say quickly, walking past them to haul down a cab.

you got and the cab and told the driver to go to Arrow street.

which is not where your apartment is, but xaviers.

you had a key to his apartment so you just let yourself in and sat on the couch waiting for him to come home.

that’s until you saw a glimpse of orange in the garbage.

needles.

you didn’t want it to be true you did everything you could to try to convince yourself it was for something medical, but the more you looked around the apartment and saw the scattered needles in his bedroom you couldn’t.

“y/n, shit you scared me!” xavier laughs nervously.

“you disgust me.” you say say standing up, turning around to face him.

“what?” xavier knots his eyes brows in confusion.

“listen, you don’t think i know but i fucking know. i know you xavier. you’re not secretive i know when you’re not yourself, but heroin! seriously?” you ask the boy you love with tears streaming down your cheeks.

“babe-.”

“no! don’t do that shit! you’re in deep shit now. you know that? i do everything for you and you don’t make me feel like it’s worth it...you make me feel worthless! you lie to me, you’re high every time we’re together, and you blow me off to go buy dirty needles off junkies! it fucking hurts!” you scream, finally telling xavier how you feel.

“is it all worth it? is being high all the time worth it? it is worth to lose me?” you ask bitterly.

“no, no it’s not...” xavier says quietly as a tear rolls down his face.

“then why don’t you get help!” you say with anger.

“i will! i will please, one more chance just give me one more chance please!” xavier sobs.

you direct your gaze towards the floor as xavier steps closer to you.

“one more chance.” xavier says again, grabbing the side of your face, tilting your head up to look at him.

“are you high right now?” your voice hoarse from the fighting earlier.

“no, and i’ll flush the rest of them down the toilet right now.”

and you gave him another chance, and another chance, and another fucking chance.

always luring you with the dates, his jokes, the sex, his charm, the i love yous, and you would forgive him every time.

almost every time.

“how could you?” you say with a shaky voice, tears threatening to spill.

xavier told you that he wanted to have a movie night later that night, but when 8 o’clock rolled around and you walked into his room, you wish you never would of went.

seeing a girl on her knees in front of your boyfriend and him enjoying it killed you.

“you need to leave now.” you tell the girl.

she muttered a sorry and left the apartment.

xavier opened his mouth to say something but you didn’t want to hear it.

“don’t fucking lie to me right now, is this the first time?” you ask.

“no, i’ll never do it again please-.”

“xavier!” you say sternly.

xavier inhales sharply. “no this isn’t the first time, i’m sorry.” he sighs.

“you’re always sorry aren’t you? did you guys fuck?” you ask, clearly irritated with xavier.

“yes.” you can barely hear him.

“i fucking hate you xavier plymton...you ruined me!” you shout, letting all your emotions wash over you.

“you know it’s not like you’ve been fucking perfect either!” xavier yells, he’s never yelled at you like this before.

“i didn’t fucking cheat on you!”

“you’ve been distant. when i need you, you’re not here. you’re out drinking, or hanging out with fucking ray! i needed someone so sorry i was fucking that bitch but you weren’t here.” xavier shoots back.

“are you fucking blaming me? the only reason i’m drinking and hanging out with ray is because you choose drugs over everyone! you’re not the same guy i fell in love with. you say you love me xavier but it doesn’t feel like it...” your sentence trails off at the end, you’re not sure you can argue much longer you’re feeling yourself breaking.

“well maybe it’s because i don’t love you! you’re always on my back and you never shut the fuck up!” xavier hisses.

you’re speechless.

xavier doesn’t love you?

you can see the regret in his face after the words leave his mouth.

“don’t talk to me ever again, i swear to god xavier. never again.” you say as calm as possible, leaving the apartment building.

you go outside and let all your emotions out. your back slides against the wall as you bury yourself in your knees and start sobbing.

you pull out your phone and try your best to see through your teary vision for montana’s contact.

“y/n what’s up?” she asks.

“mon, i, i really need you to come pick me up.” you hiccup.

“shit, of course. where are you?” montana asks with concern.

“xaviers...”

you hear her sigh on the other side of the phone.

“be there in 5.”

“that son of a bitch! i’m so sorry y/n, this is my fault.” montana rubs your back for comfort.

“it’s not your fault, he changed.” you say, your voice raspy from all the screaming and crying.

“i just, i don’t think i can see him for a long time.” you say quietly, burying your face into your pillows.

“fuck, y/n my works calling, i’ll be back im going to call off.” montana starts walking out of your room.

“no, i’ll be fine. don’t call off.” you tell her.

“no, y/n it’s fine.”

“mon you call off all the time, they’ll fire you.” you give a little laugh.

“are you sure?” she sighs heavily.

“yes! now go i’ll see you later.” you shoo her away.

you never thought that day could of got worse.

you groan at the noise of someone knocking at your door.

“montana you have a key!” you complain, going to open the door.

you’re taken a back when you open the door to see two police officers.

“can i help you?” you ask nervously.

“you are y/n y/l/n, correct?” the one on the left asks.

“yes, am i in trouble?” you ask confused.

“no of course not, you’re number one in xavier plymtons emergency contacts so we decided to come to you.” the other answers.

you blood runs cold as a million possibilities rack through your brain.

“we regret to inform you that xavier has passed.”

you swear your vision went black for a second.

he’s not gone.

he can’t be gone.

“what, what happened? i-i just saw him two hours.” you stutter.

“he was found outside his apartment, needle in his arm-.” the woman officer cuts her partner off and mumbles something about being to blunt.

“he overdosed, heroin. i’m so sorry baby.” she looks at you with pitty.

“thanks for telling me...” you say so quiet you’re surprised they heard you.

they say goodbye again and you shut the door.

“no,no,no,no!” you scream falling to the ground.

“why the fuck would you do that? why why why why?” you tell again, tugging at your hair.

you let out a loud, heartbreaking sob and fall onto your knees.

“i didn’t mean what i said...i didn’t mean it i wanted you to talk to me i was just angry. you were angry. fuck fuck!” you wail out again.

xavier fucking plymton .

[keanan1501]

Notable swaps: Dream & Tubbo, Fundy & Ranboo, DreamXD & Micheal

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentioned child death, attempted child murder, intrusive thoughts

Short synopsis: Tubbo escapes prison and heads to Logsteadshire to deal with Dream once and for all, instead he finds something intresting in Logsteadshire... or should i say someone? Tubbo swings his sword in a lazy arch, a pleased grin on his face as the sword's enchantments hum under his hand "This is perfect" he breathes, turning to face his three companions with a bright smile "You three did wonderfully! Sam, consider your debt repayed" The creeper hybrid huffs, eyeing Tubbo as if the younger male was nothing but dirt beneath his shoes "Whatever, just don't expect me to come running when that cranky hog starts chasing" Tubbo giggles, grabbing Sam's arm and pulling him down, allowing Tubbo to pet Sam like one would pet a dog, the ram hybrid is blissfully ignorant of the creeper hissing in protest "Awe, Sam~ It almost sounds like you care for me~" he coos, and his bright smile transforms into something more sinister "Let Techno come, i escaped his 'unescapeable' prison after all. There's nothing that stupid pig can do that i can't counter"

Sam nods, a short and tight one, before he turns around and takes a few steps away from the group "Also, Tubbo. Keep away from Fundy, or else" Tubbo blinks, tilting his head slightly as Sam walks off, he'd known Fundy had moved in with Sam and Ponk shortly after L'manburg exploded, but for someone like Sam, who had rumors surrounding him about his heartlessness, warming up to the cheeky fox hybrid? That was something he didn't expect, he could feel excitement bubbling inside of him, Fundy was his little spy, and Sam and Ponk were both very powerful people, if his motto wasn't "the higher the risk the better the reward" he would have felt fear, unfortunately for Sam and Ponk, he only sees this as a challenge.

"Tubbo, everything alright?" right, he isn't alone. "I'm fine, just scheming" Tubbo shrugs Purpled's concern off, and smiles at Tommy, who is looking at him like he hung the moon and stars just for the blond, maybe he had, the white streak in Tommy's hair certainly proved he had. A small chuckle escapes his lips as he thought back to his now dead ally, Quackity, the duck hybrid had given him the revive book, allowing him to bring his two favorite toys back to life after their deaths, both now sporting a white streak amongst their usual brown and blond hair, proudly showing off the fact that they belong to him, that they're his toys, and noone else could ever hope to claim them.

Sure, Wilbur would have protested with every inch of his being if he could hear Tubbo now, but Tommy had accepted it, embraced it even, all he has to do is give Wilbur a nudge in the right direction, and his favorite toy will fall back into place, just like he'd done during exile. And Tubbo knows exactly how to give said first nudge, who better to target than Wilbur's best friend, his emotional support, his other half, his Dream?

Tubbo digs inside of his pocket, taking out a slightly dented but otherwise beautiful and functioning compass, the words "your Wilbur" carved into it with so much care, Tubbo could insult Phantommy in a lot of different ways, but he can't help but compliment the late ghost's designing skills and steady hands. Phantommy had given the compass to Dream, giving a similar one to Wilbur, except Wilbur's was labled with "your Dream" during exile, Tubbo wanted to tear Phantommy a new one right then and there, but he knew better. Phantommy wasn't Tommy, of course the silly ghost would think Wilbur belonged to Dream, he simply made a mistake, Wilbur belonged to Tubbo, not to Dream! So when Dream, Schlatt and Ranboo were attacked by a horde of creepers Tubbo swooped in and stole the compass, giving it to its rightful owner.

"I'm going to give a short visit to everyone's least favorite president" Tubbo announces, clicking the compass shut and stuffing it back into his pocket "Tommy, i trust you can distract Wilbur and Fundy long enough for me to have a pleasant chat with Dream?" the blond nods quickly, and Tubbo affectionately rolls his eyes, Tommy knows his place as Tubbo's toy, but even Tubbo is sometimes suprised by how much Tommy wants to please his "hero". The poor boy hadn't learned a thing in Pogtopia, had he? As soon as someone more powerful comes along Tubbo would drop Tommy like a stone, but until then Tubbo could enjoy soaking in the pure wonder and awe Tommy has for him.

The blond scurries off, and Tubbo turns to Purpled, smirks and winks, which causes the purple-hoodied male to grumble in either disgust or adoration, Tubbo liked to believe it is the latter "Don't forget i left Ranboo at the alter for you!" Tubbo shouts teasingly as he runs off, laughing as he could hear Purpled make fake gagging noises, definitely disgust.

The trek from the prison to Dream's new village... what was it called again? Logsteadshire or something? wasn't long, and Tubbo cringed as the buildings came into view. Sure, the odd mish-mash of dirt, stone, wood and diamond were passable as houses, but Dream never did have the best eye for design. Tubbo was glad Dream let Schlatt, Ranboo, Fundy, Ponk and Techno do most of the rebuilding for L'manburg, Blood God knows what Tubbo would have done if that stupid country was filled with Dream's odd shacks.

He wasn't here to bash on Dream, he was here to get his armor and weapons back, most notablely his sword "Wasp's Stinger" otherwise known as one of, if not the, most powerful weapon in his land. The dry sand crunches under his feet as he walks confidently across the sand, he could see Eret's kid, Junior, peeking out of one of the holes in the second biggest dirt shack, which must mean that Dream lives in the biggest shack.

Tubbo throws the door open with reckless abandon, walking in to the space like one would walk into their own house, he knows Dream isn't home yet, a good predator waits for their prey after all. He plops down on the couch, his ram ears perking up as the couch lets out a creaking noise, he can't help but wonder if the couch is older than him.

Then he freezes as hurried footsteps thunder down the stairs. Had he been wrong? Is Dream home? Is someone else here to housesit?

"Daddy! Daddy! Look!" Tubbo relaxes as a young ocelot hybrid comes around the corner, the kid couldn't be older then three, which means there is no threat. The kid is beaming, eyes screwed shut and a large droopy smile on their face as the kid proudly holds up a drawing containing four stick figures.

"I'm not your dad, kid" Tubbo chuckles "Sorry to disappoint you" the kid gasps and their round big cat ears pin back, their green eyes wide with both curiosity and fear. Tubbo blinks, and suddenly the ocelot hybrid is gone, and in their place is a ziglin, looking at him like Tubbo was the savior of the world, back then it had felt nice to have someone depend on him, now? It fills his chest with a burning emotion he can't quite place, a mix between grief, anger, confusion and betrayal. Michael can't look at him anymore, so why is he still looking at Micheal?

"Come sit kid, i won't hurt you" Tubbo pats the seat next to him, kids tended to overshare, he was going to use the kid to get some info on Dream, that was all, he wasn't being nice because the kid reminds him of Micheal, he's just being tactical. The kid slowly shuffles over, clutching the drawing like a lifeline, once the kid decides they're close enough he stops, and Tubbo leans forewards to inspect the drawing.

For a three year old he had to give the kid props, the lines looked good and he could make out who was who. Dream and Fundy are standing close together, the kid inbetween them, Wilbur is off to the side, but just like the three in the foreground the kid had drawn him with the biggest smile.

"Who did you draw?" Tubbo asks, looking at the kid with a genuinely curious expression, the kid glows at the question, and points to each stick figure in turn "That's my papa Dre! That's my daddy Funwy! And un'le Wilby! And me!" Tubbo nods, a small smile on his face, so what if the kid reminds him of Michael, noone would get hurt if he entertains the kid for a bit, right?

"Owl?" the kid asks, poking Tubbo in the leg and Tubbo chuckles "I'm not a owl, i'm a ram" he helpfully informs the kid, who pouts in response "Owl?" the kid asks again "You want to go see Wilbur?" Tubbo asks back, knowing Wilbur's wings were often compared to those of a owl, but the kid shakes their head, grabs a book, and flips through the pages. The kid holds up the book and presses it against Tubbo's face "Owl?" Tubbo backs away a bit so he can read the words on the page, it's a classic toddlers book, going over different animal sounds, and a lightbulb turns on in Tubbo's head "Are you asking me who i am?"

The kid nods, gleeful that Tubbo finally understands "I'm Tubbo, can you try saying my name?" Tubbo crouches next to the kid, gently grabbing the kid's hand and writes each letter of his name on the kid's palm, as the kid reads them out loud "T-u-b-b-o" a second of silence "T'bbi!" the kid cries victoriously, and Tubbo just puts his arms up in celebration with the kid, not having the heart to correct them.

"T'bbi, out?" the kid asks, looking at him with the biggest puppy eyes Tubbo's ever seen, how does this kid know his one weakness? Tubbo signs but smiles, opening the door, the kid rushes out and throws themself into the sand, letting out a screech of excitement "Daddy and papa do not let me out!" the kid babbles, making sand hills with such vigor that Tubbo can't help but admire the kid.

Would Micheal be like that if he'd hadn't...? His hand twitches. It was Dream's fault. The handle of his sword felt cold against his hand. He could get revenge. He takes a step forewards, his sword hanging limply by his side, when did he take it out of the scabbard? He could make Dream feel the same pain, the same dark spiral that he went through. His eyes flicker across the kid's body, quickly finding every weak point that would ensure a quick and painless death. He wasn't heartless, he wouldn't let the kid suffer. He puts his hand on the kid's cheek, the kid leans in to the touch, leaving their neck vulnerable. He wasn't a monster like Dream, he wouldn't leave the kid to bleed out, scared and alone.

He snaps from his thoughts as he feels  something rumble beneath his hand, his ears face towards the kid, flicking whenever he could pick up on the faint sound of purring. Tubbo quickly sheaths his sword, noone deserves to go through the loss of a child, not even his greatest enemy. He lets out a sigh and pats the kid on the head, the kid purring even louder.

His ears flick backwards, and he realizes someone is approaching, probably either Fundy or Dream, and as much as he wanted to stick around and taunt the two, the ocelot kid was too young to get wrapped up in their silly game of chess. "Hey kid? I have to go" the kid whines as Tubbo pulls his hand back, short stubby arms reach out to his hand, trying to grab hold of it, but Tubbo is faster, he jumps up and silently runs to the other side of house that the approaching person is coming from. He could hear the kid yell "Daddy!" loudly, the kid's feet kick up sand as they run towards Fundy, the fox hybrid's orange hair standing out against the pale sand "XD?!" Fundy asks, worry coating his tone like Tubbo coats things he likes with honey "How did you get outside?! Is Dream here?!"

"T'bbi!" the kid answers simply, and Tubbo could almost see the fear rolling off of Fundy in waves "Y-you aren't try-ing to say Tubbo, are you?" the kid doesn't answer verbally, but from Fundy's sharp intake of breath he could tell the kid confirmed Fundy's words.

"Tubbo?! I know you're here! I'm calling Techno!" Fundy barks, and Tubbo peeks around the corner to see Fundy typing something on his communicator. With a ease that clearly shows he's done this many times before Tubbo pulls out a bow & arrow and shoots, the arrow goes straight through Fundy's communicator, breaking it, leaving Fundy with no way to call for help, and judging by Fundy's startled yip, the fox knows it. Tubbo steps out in the open, and the kid reaches towards him with a delighted cry "T'bbi!" Fundy grabs the kid's arm and pulls them close, baring his teeth at Tubbo. The ram hybrid just smiles and walks towards them, hand already on his most dangerous weapon of all, eyes unmoving from Fundy's stone-still form. Tubbo whips out his most dangerous weapon and fires, Fundy letting out a screech as he's assaulted by twin streams of thick honey. Tubbo knew repurposing those water guns into honey guns was  a genius idea, he can't believe Sam doubted him.

"What?! Why?!" Fundy groans, trying to brush the sticky liquid out of his coat, but only succeeding in smearing it out more "Because, you and me, we're friends Fundy, best friends even!" Tubbo replies, walking past Fundy like he didn't just doom the poor fox to being a bee attraction for the next week "We're not friends!" Fundy snaps back, and Tubbo turns to face him, blue-green eyes almost seeming to glow in the light of dusk

"If we weren't friends, why would you help me so much? Blowing up the community house, spying on important events, guarding Wilbur's music disc, setting off the TNT trapping Wilbur in prison. All of those things are things that you did, things i asked you to do"

[jadonsanchoo]

boyfriend

jadon sancho x reader

warnings: smut

— so i got this idea when i listened to ‘boyfriend’ by ariana grande a while back and a request i got and decided to combine it together. (this is long overdue and i apologize).

[ gif credit to ultraiboothings ]

You weren’t together. You two never were– which was pretty hard to believe for many people. And even if you weren’t actually together, he always felt that he belonged to you, in a way.

You and Jadon had known one another for quite some time, and at first you were just mutual friends– friends because your friend was also his. And night after night, when all your friends would get together to watch movies, go to parties or clubbing together, or just go out and eat at midnight– you’d always be together.

Eventually over a short amount of time you two became even closer. The two of you would always look forward to seeing one another. Although sometimes he wasn’t in a mood to go out, the mention of your name and that you’d be going would make him get ready as fast you could blink. He really enjoyed spending time with you and any chance he got to see you, he definitely took. That’s mainly why you always found yourself spending more time with him than any of your other friends.

You became closer, and you were no longer just friends.

He couldn’t help the jealousy he would feel whenever you’d spend time with one of your (guy) friends. And sure call it being insecure. . but he couldn’t help feel jealous. You two weren’t officially together, or together at all. You just labeled yourselves as friends and only friends. That meant that you could do anything and he couldn’t get mad over it because you weren’t together. And it scared him.

Because what if one day you’d realize you have feelings for someone besides him? Or what if the dates you’d go on actually went too well and you’d want to spend more time with someone who wasn’t him? So maybe he was insecure, he was afraid he’d lose you without actually having you in the first place.

He’d sometimes even randomly ask you if you liked anyone, usually playing it off as a joke adding a ‘because one of my mates thinks you’re cute and I could get you two together’. And you’d usually answer with a ‘no, not interested in anyone or dating right now’ and it would make him feel better but not so great at the same time. Because although there wasn’t any ‘competition’ it also meant that he also had no chance with being with you since you weren’t interested in dating.

Or sometimes he felt the need to intervene whenever a guy would tell him they wanted your number and were too shy to ask you for it personally. And sometimes he’d tell you that you were even better off without anyone. (Although he wanted himself to be the only exception to that).

“Who’s the guy commenting so much on your pictures,” Jadon asked, laughing, but not sounding genuine at all.

You raised your brows, your eyes now fixed on his as he showed you some of the comments on your most recent picture on your Instagram. You slightly smiled at them, and looked up to face Jadon who had narrowed eyes.

“Someone I met at a party,” you answered, feeling yourself slightly blush just thinking about him.

“Can’t be a someone if he’s got you blushing,” he said, and something about his voice sounded so forced. As if he was forcing himself to sound a bit cheerful about it– even though he was the opposite of cheerful seeing you blush at the mention of someone else. “When was this?”

“I’m not blushing and we met a few weeks ago, at my friend’s birthday party,” you replied and Jadon hummed.

Even though you weren’t officially together, it sure as hell didn’t seem like it. Whenever you two were together, you’d usually always be right next to each other and always spent the entire night together. So usually people would assume that both of you were just together. And most of your friends knew that there was something between you guys but you weren’t officially together. Whenever they wanted to wind up Jadon, they’d usually bring you up and say something along the lines of ‘well she isn’t your girl, so I don’t think there’s a problem with me talking to her, right?’

“So you’re talking to him now?” He asked, not taking his eyes off his phone.

“I wouldn’t call it that, but we’re planning on going on a date soon,” you told him, and all he could do was mumble a ‘oh good’.

“But are you fine with it?” You asked him, his eyes not leaving his phone screen.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he laughed, and he clearly was good at pretending and hiding his emotions. His words easily showed the opposite of what he felt.

“I don’t know, well you know. .” you mumbled, not sure if you could say you two were a thing.

“I don’t know,” he laughed, and you felt slightly embarrassed because you were probably the only one who thought there was something between you two. Maybe there’s nothing between us, you thought but your mind couldn’t help but think of all the times where it seemed like there was a chance of something more.

“I thought you didn’t want to date anyone,” he added, reminding you of what you had said before.

“Maybe it’s different with him.”

The rest of the time you’d spent together was pretty quiet and slightly awkward, definitely not like it usually was whenever you were around. And you thought about what you could’ve said wrong and you didn’t understand why his mood had changed so quickly.

“Did I say something wrong?” You asked, catching him off guard as he turned off his phone and looked into your eyes for a few seconds before looking down at his hands.

“No, why are you asking?”

“You kind of shut off on me after I told you about me hanging out with-”

“Nah, I’m just tired, that’s all.”

No matter how tired he was, he’d never show it around you. He’d always make sure you had all his attention.

“Alright. I guess I’ll just go and let you get some rest,” you softly smiled and pulled him into a hug, and the hug lasted longer than they usually did.

-

It had been a few days after you’d spent time with the guy you had met at the party. And in all honesty, you enjoyed spending time with him but just as friends. He had flirted with you a few times, but there was just something about it that didn’t feel right. Don’t get me wrong, he was very attractive person and overall an amazing person, but you didn’t see yourself possibly dating him.

And you didn’t understand why you didn’t feel anything, he seemed almost perfect and even had the same interests as you. And a few years back, if you would’ve met him back then you probably would’ve fallen in love with him right then and there. But you couldn’t help but feel nothing and although it was just the first date, you’d thiught you’d feel a bit more attracted to him then just finding him handsome.

You’d texted Jadon the day after the date, hoping you’d just be able to talk to him and tell him about how even though your date was practically perfect you didn’t feel anything towards him. But Jadon didn’t reply, and you hadn’t recieved any messages from him over the next few days.

You just assumed he was probably just busy, but the videos on his Instagram story kind of proved that assumption wrong. Well not completely wrong, since he was too busy partying in LA to answer.

The fact that he was in LA was something you had found out about through his story, he had never mentioned anything about going to LA. And you didn’t expect him to tell you everything, since there was no reason for him to– but you two had planned to head down to Spain for vacation with a couple of friends this week.

It had been over a week, and there was never a reply from him. And if you were being completely honest, you felt upset. Upset because you felt like it was your fault that he was acting this way.

The idea of him being too busy had went the window when every night he’d post more videos of him partying. And you couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous– which at first you didn’t call jealousy– as you saw him post a video of some girl laughing on his story, you could clearly hear his laughs in the background. She was beautiful, but looked much older than him, and she seemed like his type.

At first you thought he’d accidentally posted the video to his story, but when it had stayed up for over an hour, you doubted it. And although you always labled yourselves as friends, you were more than that and you both knew it. And maybe it was wrong of you to go on a date with someone, but he didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with it. And clearly made seem like he thought there was nothing between you two, or cared about you going on a date with someone.

Jadon knew it was immature of him to ignore you while clearly being active on social media, but he wanted to get back at you, at least that’s what he told himself and his friends.

“For what?” He remembered Dele asking him, and Jadon tried to explain (and failed miserably) how he wanted to get back at you.

“She hasn’t even done anything wrong. You’re just being a baby about it and not telling her you like her.”

“I don’t even like her like that,” Jadon laughed.

“If you didn’t like her like that, like you say, you wouldn’t need to get ‘back’ at her if you weren’t jealous about her going on a date. Plus, you’re practically in love with her and everyone knows that.”

And he seemed to regret his decision even more as he had noticed that you had watched his story and had seen the girl he had posted. And after he realized he had been acting stupid about it, when he’d finally replied, apologizing for being ‘busy’ when he had only been ignoring you.

His messages were ignored, and he sighed as he noticed that they were read but never replied to.

“You realize that now?” Dele snorted, as Jadon paced around Dele’s room telling him how stupid he had been. “You always talked about how you didn’t want to lose her, but you might just lose her if you keep being stupid.”

Jadon definitely knew that there was something between you two, and he was afraid to tell you what he felt for you, so instead he ignored his feelings and you to try to forget about it.

But he couldn’t forget about it, and he seemed to think about it even more when he returned back home, now that you were only a few minutes away.

“Why haven’t you answered my messages?” Was the first thing he said when you opened the door, that had revealed Jadon himself. His tone was soft but sounding guilty as ever.

You rolled your eyes at the fact that that was the first thing he had to say to you. “Sorry I was too busy,” you replied, “you know, with work and all,” your voice sounding sarcastic, clearly mocking the excuse he has sent you through text.

“Look I’m sorry, I was just-”

“Too busy with LA girls, yeah I know,” you replied, turning around and walking towards your living room, which he followed you to.

“It was dumb and immature of me, I just wanted to get back at you and-”

“Get back at me for what? For going on a date that you seemed fine about and clearly didn’t care about much either?” You asked calmly, seated across him.

“I wasn’t fine about it!”

“You could’ve said something! Instead of just disappearing on me? Plus why wouldn’t you be?”

“I know,” he sighed. “And I- I just thought we had something-”

“Jadon, you made it clear to me that there wasn’t!”

He shook his head, “because then. . then I’d look jealous and controlling and I don’t have a right to be because we aren’t anything.” He regretted his choice of words once they left his lips.

“You’ve made it clear that we’re not together or anything at all, Jadon.”

“That’s not how I meant it,” he sighed,

You raised your brows at him, you just didn’t understand what he wanted. “But you’re right and we aren’t anything.”

“But I don’t want you to see nobody.”

“But you can? You can see anyone else and I can’t? You don’t get to decide that, you aren’t my boyfriend.”

The only reason he’d ever see anyone else was to try to get over the fact that you didn’t feel the same way towards him. Because you’d always say how you didn’t feel anything for anyone, and that you didn’t want to be with anyone, which would only leave him with a broken heart. Even though you never rejected him directly, your attitude towards dating always made him feel like he was being rejected.

Jadon shook his head and remained silent, and you could tell he was having a hard time trying to think of what he wanted to say.

“I know, but if you were my girlfriend, I probably wouldn't see nobody else.”

“Jadon-”

His hands were now on both sides of you cheeks, as his eyes looked with yours. He slowly leaned into you, not wanting to rush into it with the fear of being rejected. But as his lips met yours, he felt the butterflies erupt in his stomach, just like they had done in yours. This kiss felt blissful and he never wanted it to end. But when it did, as his forehead was pressed against yours, he whispered the three words he had wanted to say to you so long ago.

“I love you.”

And maybe all this time after not wanting to be in a relationship, Jadon would be your only exception. Because after multiple horrible dates, or duchebags that would only find a way to hurt you, or men who didn’t know how to treat you well– Jadon would be the one to finally show you that he was the one you’d been waiting for. That he’d be the one.

A smile appeared on your lips, hearing those words leave his. “I love you more.”

( nsfw below )

“I lose my mind when it comes to you,” he admitted, as his lips were pulled into a smile that matched yours.

“Show me.”

“You sure you can handle that?”

You let out a laugh, “I’m sure, baby.”

That was enough to make him lose his mind. His smile was replaced with a more smug one, and despite acting so confident, he was extremely nervous on the inside. He was no virgin, but sex had never meant as much as it would tonight. Because for once, it wasn’t just sex with some random girl but he would make love to you, the person who owned his heart wholly.

His lips quickly found yours again, he could taste the sweet strawberry flavor from the lipbalm you always applied to your lips. Just feeling the softness of your lips and how perfect they felt against his, how they felt like they were made for him– made him melt and let out a small whine.

He couldn’t believe that you were finally his.

Your back was against the soft and plush material of your sofa as he hovered over you. His lips left yours and made it to your jaw. A trail of soft but wet kisses were left against your jaw and neck, and he smirked against the soft skin seeing how much you loved it. Your breathing was uneven and much sharp, and after a few seconds he broke away from you.

“You’re completely sure?” He asked again, wanting to know that he had your consent and that this wouldn’t be something you’d later regret.

“Yes, Jadon,” you breathed out, your voice sounding slightly needy. “I’m sure,” you added, as your arms wrapped around his neck, as you pulled him into another kiss.

He took his time to undress you, he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. He wanted to make you feel special, and the last thing he wanted was for you to regret this. Jadon’s lips placed soft kisses all around your body, and his hands raced all over your body, making sure that ever curve didn’t go untouched.

He didn’t understand how a human being could be so beautiful like you were, and he was so thankful for you.

His eyes locked with yours as he pushed a digit into you, and than another one, causing you to bite your bottom lip at the sensation of it. His finger moved in a slow and steady pace.

“You’re so tight,” he mumbled more to himself, as he felt you clench around his fingers. “Let me hear you, baby,” he smiled, as he watched the pure look of ecstasy on your face.

And he added one more, to try and fully stretch you out. You shut your eyes in pure ecstasy, as you let out whimpers and soft moans as he pushed his digits in and out of you.

“You’re so wet, baby. All for me, right?” He asked you, and all you could do was nod and let out more small noises.

“Huh?” He mumbled, teasing you.

“Baby,” you whined as you tugged on the curly hair on his head. He loved how needy you were, you didn’t have to say a word to him because he knew exactly what you wanted from him. He felt himself throb hearing how you’d call him “baby” wanting to have him inside you.

“I know,” he whispered, and he took only a few seconds to discard himself of his clothing, which only left him in the tight material of his briefs.

Your eyes slightly widened as the sight of it, and you knew you were in for a good night. Jadon also took a notice of your reaction as he dropped his briefs, standing there fully naked, looking like he was sculpted by the gods.

“You said you were sure you could handle me, you still sure now?” He said smugly as he grabbed the base of it and gave it soft pumps.

“Mhm,” you moaned out as he got closer to your heat and began to line himself up, you could feel him touch you everywhere but where you wanted him the most.

“Jadon, don’t be a tease,” you mumbled in his neck and as those words left your lips, you felt him slowly enter you. And your eyes rolled back feeling him stretch you out more and more by the second.

He wasn’t even fully inside when you began to tug at the small curls at the back of his head. And you felt your mind explode as he began to make small and short movements. He took it slow because he knew that he had to get you used to him before anything.

It took a few seconds to get used to his size and in no time he had you letting out loud moans as he thrusted deep into you, at a much faster pace. “Baby? Am I making you feel good?” He asked, grabbing you by the chin making you look directly into his eyes as his pace picked up and got even faster than before.

You couldn’t even reply with the amount of pleasure you were feeling. The pleasure was overtaking your body and you felt that you couldn’t do anything but react to his thrusts.

“Huh?” He asked you, as his lips trailed down to your neck, sucking and bitting the soft and sensitive skin.

“Yes, J,” you whined out, slightly digging your fingers into the skin of his muscular and defined back. “You’re making me- me feel so g-”

“-Good,” you yelled out, finishing your sentence from before since he had cut you off with a deep and rough thrust that made you forget what you were even talking about for a few seconds.

Making you feel good was an understatement, it was probably the best you have ever had. But you wouldn’t admit that him just yet.

“I love you, so much,” he breathed out, the pace of his thrusts becoming slightly sloppier by the second as you knew he was reaching his climax.

“I love you more,” you smiled as you swollen lips kissed his, he bit down on your bottom one, causing you to let out another moan.

He hungrily continued to place more kisses on your lips and around your collarbone, and as he continued to thrust into you, his fingers softly raced around your breasts. His lips finding their way to one of them, his mouth immediately attaching to your nipple as he softly bit it and massaged the other, causing you arch your back.

One of his hands found yours, fingers tangled with yours, and by the way your legs were shaking and the scratches you were leaving on his back seemed to get a little more harsher, he knew you were about to reach your climax.

“Come on baby, cum for me,” he whispered, as he continued to move in and out of you, the pace being much sloppier but you could still feel him fully inside of you, completely filling you up.

It was as if his soft words and the final soft kisses on your lips were what fully pushed you to the edge, and you quickly came. And only a few seconds after your release came his, long ropes of his milky cum spurred out, filling your insides completely.

He pulled out slowly, strings of his and your release came sliding out of your worn out pussy. He watched at how your juices and both his and your release made your pussy glisten and it was enough to make him all hard again.

“You up for Round 2?” He laughed, as he lied besides you with a big smirk on his face, beads of sweat on his forehead.

“You’re too much,” you laughed, with a smile that made his heart melt.

But that didn’t stop the eventful night filled with another round after another.

[magliettagialla]

RyuAnn headcanons:

Important: Of course these are all nothing more than mere personal opinions of mine! Please don't read this if you don't like the ship. Thank you ♡

At the beginning of P5 Ryuji and Ann used to refer at each other with their surnames, even after having been apparently really close in middle school. Why so? We see how Ryuji would rather push people away to protect them, many times in the game (i.e. when Kamoshida is about to kill him and Joker during the latter's first day at Shujin; when Ann is trying to get involved with their plan against Kamoshida), saying rude things or even screaming angrly at them. What if he started to distance her after his reputation was ruined? He knows how Ann's been struggling with bullying all her life and probably didn't want her to get labled "the problem student's friend", so what if, after Kamoshida broke Ryuji's leg, she tried to visit him at the hospital but he said something very rude to her so they stopped talking and started to refer at each other with their surnames?

I had a hunch, more than one time while playing this game, that Ann has a huge crush on Ryuji. She openly flirts with him (i.e. inviting him on a date; seeking attentions from him and caring about his opinion of her, trying to improve it by looking sexier; out of the blue asking him who his type is; not to mention the way she panics when he is apparently dead; plus another thing I noticed in Scramble...) but he often doesn't go along with that or even asks her to stop. I believe he likes her too though: he compliments her looks even when she's not around, he looked desperate to know who Ann's type is as well and, most importantly, he has been shown to be really overprotective of her (i.e. he gets extremely angry about Kamoshida's cognition of her and, when they fail to save the real Ann when she gets kidnapped, he shouts her name in desperation; he gets mad at all the guys who try to take advantage of her or try to harass her; and yet another thing from Scramble). What if he just doesn't feel "enough" for Ann? He doesn't have a high opinion of himself and he's seen by everyone as nothing more than a delinquent and a problem student so maybe he knows Ann can have better than him and wants her to have it. He is also terrified about turning up like his father and he surely doesn't want to hurt her. At the same time Ann doesn't speak clearly about her feelings because she feels like he's not interested in her.

Although everyone among the Thieves openly ships them (especially Yusuke <- SPOILERS FOR SCRAMBLE IN THE LINK!) I like to think Ann is a little jealous of Makoto since she's one of the girls Ryuji has shown the most interest in. Ann gives me the vibes of being the jelly type. Like that time Ryuji asked her to introduce him to Mika she replied with "... You dick! Of all the girls you could have been talking about, it just HAD to be Mika! Urghhhh, I'm so pissed!" and in PQ2 we find out Ryuji is a big fan of Rise to which Ann reacts by telling him: "... Hey, Skull. I think you and I need to have a little talk." She got angry even when Ryuji was attracted to the girls in yukata.

When the Thieves have to decide a name for Makoto, Ann comment's Ryuji's behavior with a sad tone: "I bet Skull's definitely the type that'll be under a girl's thumb". She looked genuinely concerned about that. It reminded me of the way Ryuji turns her down: "Eff that... Quit thinkin' you're some sexy character in an anime. It's sad watchin' you like this". I headcanon they get each other so well that they notice in no time each other's weaknesses and wrong behaviors: she notices that Ryuji can get easily manipulated by women, and somebody could take advantage of that, and he notices that Ann sells herself away like nothing because she thinks that's where all her self-worth is. Knowing this, they try to help each other out.

They are Shujin Academy's most notorious pair. Everyone in school thinks they are a couple, everyone but the two of them.

Ryuji is not really fond of the idea of Ann trying to make way in the entertainment industry as either a model or an actress. He knows about all the scandals that sometimes come out, about girls getting sexually harassed or even assaulted and stuff, especially since she's already been a victim of this in the past, but he doesn't say anything because he sees how much she loves it and wants her to be happy with what she does. And this is the reason why he often warns her about getting fat: he doesn't want her to give up her dream of becoming a famous model or actress, just like he had to do with running for a while, because he knows how harsh beauty standards are.

When Ryuji goes through rehab and gets better, finally reaching or even surpassing his "golden times" record and starts competing again on a national level, Ann is just so proud of him she just stops understanding his self-esteem issues. Everytime he says anything bad to himself again she would go: "??? Shut up! You're the man who reached the top with a broken leg, there's nothing you can't do or can't become" and tells that to everyone, even during magazine interviews because she is just SO proud of him.

Ann loves Ryuji's mom and vice versa. After Ryuji and Ann got together, Ryuji's mom literally adopted her ("I always wished I had a daughter" - Ryuji's mom, probably) and Ann, with her parents travelling who-knows-where around the world, leaving her behind for at least 6 months every year, is super happy to spend most of her time cooking with her, go shopping with her, etc. Ryuji often feels left aside.

Ann has PTSD from the time Ryuji almost died at Shido's Palace. Ryuji has the tendency to risk his life for his friends (i.e. jumping in front of a taxi to rescue Makoto; offers to bait Shadows away; risks his life to get that lifeboat; P5R SPOILER: shields Joker and Akechi from berserk Cendrillon alone) so, whenever his "hero instinct" shows up again during battles, Ann tries to stop him in every way she can out of genuine fear of losing him.

SUBSECTION Middle school headcanons:

Very Self-Indulgent Headcanon Warning: They got close because Ryuji would protect her from bullies. Due to her looks she was often called an "alien" by other kids so, one day, Ryuji told them something on the line of "aliens don't have blond hair and blue eyes, that's the look of princesses". Shiho ships them ever since that day, sometimes teasing her calling Ryuji "her knight" and Ann "his princess".

He was super popular in Middle School, receiving letters in his shoelocker and being called "Sprintmaster Sakamoto" (he tells us so in Dancing in Starlight). Ann had a crush on him but she felt like she didn't have any chance with him since he was that popular. She would still, always, come to cheer for him during his races at school. She was a big fan and Shiho has been teasing her for a while about how overjoyed she was when he beat the school's speed record.

They both play games and read manga. I like to think they started together picking them as presents to each other, discussing their favorites and landing/exchanging titles and series to each other.

Ann says in a Mementos dialogue that "Skull's always been into skull designs and stuff". How does she know that since, well, he started wearing shirts at school after bleaching his hair (this is not necessarily canon)? Did they hang out a lot? Ann says Shiho was her only friend before meeting Ren and the others but what if Ryuji was her friend as well in Middle School? Now, tying back with the very first headcanon in this list: it must have been horrible accepting the fact Ryuji suddenly didn't want to be her friend anymore. She must have been so sad and angry at him for leaving her alone like that.

[takaraphoenix]

I'm coming back to ask about your opinions on the politician bc it's an interesting show to say the least and I love your rants about shows lol

Okay so... huh. Where do I start?

The storyline was admittedly rather fascinating to watch. Like a car-crash. It’s just been a... “what could possibly go wrong next?” kind of morbid fascination and it was laid out in quite the interesting way.

And I get it, it’s satire, the characters are purposefully unlikable but... I’m too character-driven a person to really enjoy that. Literally no one aside from Georgina is likable. They’re all despicable human beings for one reason or another, or they’re just plain too weird-not-in-a-good-way to make me attached.

So while I watched it, and saw it through, it didn’t get me hooked. Because characters are what get me hooked.

And at first, I thought the best friend could at least be someone I like, but then they had to make him a cheat, who sleeps with his best friend’s girlfriend and yeah no cheats are scum so bye-bye on that one, sadly enough.

The journey was a really wild ride and incredibly fascinating and even comical at many turns - again, satire and you felt that - but if I’m not invested in the characters who go on that journey, it... doesn’t really stick for me.

Georgina’s character absolutely fascinates me and while also definitely not the best person, I found her story the most interesting and would definitely dive into a show focusing on her.

What I absolutely did not enjoy was the fact that everybody was queer. I don’t like when shows do that, it was one of my bigger problems with T0rchwood too.

You know me, I’m all for rep. I am very loud about needing rep in TV shows; if you’re trying to go all straight I will just straight-up not watch it. But this... isn’t rep for me. This is too strong the opposite of going “all straight” because neither of those are... realistic, are proper. If you just make everybody queer, you’re not really giving rep, you’ve created Why Limit Yourself? - The Series. Because no one identifies by any lable, so it’s not even that it’s pan/bi/queer rep it’s just “everyone’s sexuality is ~fluid~”.

This fake-deep attempt to say “no one is straight! Everyone is a little, or a lot, queer” like that’s the next step of evolution... it... does not sit right with me as a lesbian, because not only does that erase the straights, it also erases the lesbians and the gay men. And it always leaves this invalidating taste in my mouth, because it’s not just making fun of straights by pretending no one is straight. There are also no lesbians and no gay men, you just decided to erase them in favor of everyone swinging all ways and that feels less like genuinely meant representation of LGBT people and more like making a mockery of the community to me.

So yeah, when shows have that kind of Hot Take on rep, it makes me... genuinely uncomfortable to watch because it feels too much like erasure and not sincere, or handled with care. Particularly in a world that pretends to be our world during our time, where people do very much identify with labels - not all the people, sure, but the majority of people - and where sexuality is in fact not an ever fluid thing and people can very much be set in a sexuality. Good proper representation shows all the shades of the rainbow, shows different sexualities, different life-styles, different life-experiences, and doesn’t just comb them all over into “lol everyone is the same”...

What I did find positive rep was a non-binary actor playing a trans character who was just... trans. He just exists. His entire personality and storyline didn’t revolve around him being trans, which... it always somehow does. When a trans character is introduced in a CIS show, them being trans has to be a vital plotpoint that, at best, also serves the CIS protagonist. So I really liked that.

And also that Skye is a non-binary character, because those don’t get much representation at all.

So while I didn’t like the way they handled representation of sexuality, personally I found the gender representations refreshing, at least from my CIS POV.

I don’t know, maybe I am so disappointed in the way they handled sexualities because of Glee, because while... not the most stellar example of... anything, literally anything... I will always be a sucker for the heartfelt coming out plot of Santana and of Kurt and of how their identities as a lesbian and a gay man were validated and important, both to them and to the story. So I suppose I was expecting too much from the minds that brought me Glee.

Which - because I always feel like everything on tumblr needs a disclaimer for the people who will deliberately misunderstand you - does absolutely not mean that no one can enjoy the show’s representation, I know that many people are so frustrated by heteronormativity that to them an all queer show is super refreshing and empowering and great. And yeah, you go, enjoy it, I even get why you’d enjoy that. But it’s just... not something I can bring myself to enjoy because it makes me feel... mocked. And I don’t like that.

[selene467]

Sticky Situation Chapter 8

Fictober19 Day 8 - Prompt #8: "Can you stay?" fanfiction Fandom: Spider-Man/Avengers [Superfamily, Tony Stark/Steve Rogers with Peter Parker as their son] [Sort of pre-superfamily] Warning(s): no warnings. Just a deep conversation. Rating: General

----

Peter was  so caught up in his work he almost missed the heavy footfalls from behind him. Expecting his dad back, he already turned around to ask his opinion on the fix he'd used on the thruster for the boot. "Hey dad, can you look at this for... oh." It wasn't his dad. Staring back at him was none other than Captain America himself, more recently knows as his dad's future husband. "Hey Peter. Uhm, I was looking for your dad." Steve looked as uncomfortable as Peter felt, not sure how to act around him now. "I'm guessing he's not here then." "Well, clearly not since I thought you were my dad coming back...." Peter trailed off awkwardly, not sure how to talk to the man who would soon become his parent. He had nothing against him, in fact he was loved spending time with him. But despite all that, to suddenly have him become more than just uncle Steve like all the other avengers had easily becomes his aunts and uncles, it was strange to say the least. Not unwelcome, especially seeing how happy his dad was with Steve. It was just a bit of a struggle fitting the pieces together now that the puzzle had changed.

"You don't know where he might have gone?" "No, but you do know you could just ask Jarvis where he is, right?" Steve furrowed his brows. "Jarvis, right. He is that computer thing?" "He's dad's AI." "Right, sorry. Still getting used to all these advancements." Steve had a pensieve look on his face as if he was remembering all the crazy new technology he'd had figuratively thrown at him. "I should let you get back to you work. Sorry to bother you." Peter hesitated for only a moment before stopping. "You could....I mean....Can you stay?" Peter felt his face heat up in embarassment, but his need to not be alone was greater. Besides it wasn't like they'd never hung out before, yet somehow now it felt strange to ask him to. "You don't have to. You're probably busy and this is boring anyway. Sorry." Peter turned back to the boot thruster of his dad's suit he'd been working on, missing the compassionate look Steve threw his way. Already mentally beating himself up for bothering the man and for allowing his loneliness to get to him again, he nearly jumped out of his seat when Steve sat down with him. "Actually, I'm curious about what you're doing. So if you don't mind explaining it in the most simple terms imaginable, I would love to hear it." Peter smiled a genuine smile, feeling suddenly a lot lighter. Before either of them were aware, a good hour had passed. "This is nice. Thanks for staying." Peter spoke up after they'd both fallen silent for a few minutes just comfortably sitting together. Steve looked up,a almost sad look in his eyes. "You get like this often, feeling like you need someone around?" "Yeah, I guess it's a sort of fear of abandoment. I lost my parents when I was young and I guess it left it's mark on me. Dad tries not to leave me alone too long, but it can't always be avoided." "I can kind of understand how you feel. I felt rather alone when I woke up in a time completely different from my own, people whom I once knew either gone or so old they'd barely remember me." "It's a good thing we have each other then." Peter answered with a grin on his face, but it dropped at the serious look he got back. "About that, " Steve began carefully. "I know things have changed rather suddenly, maybe and I want you to know you can tell me anything. Even if it's about me and your father being together. I can't help but feel like something drastically changed with us, the moment we announced our engagement." Peter fiddled with one of his tools as he tried to find a way to explain. "You're not wrong. Something has changed, but it's not bad." He quickly added at the devastated look on Steve's face. "I really like spending time with you and I see how happy dad is with you. And it's stupid that just because you're putting a lable on it, that it suddenly makes a difference, but..." "But it does make a difference?" "Yes?" Peter abruptly got up and started pacing, his nervous energy not allowing him to stay still. "And no. I can't really explain it. I just don't know how to act around you now and I don't know why." "Perhaps it has something to do with the idea that I would become a parental figure in your life, rather than just another uncle in your strange family." Peter stopped pacing, turning to face Steve. "Listen Peter, I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable or to get between you and Tony. We've actually discussed the issue and I agreed to co-custody only if you were on board with it. You're Tony's kid and if you want it to be just like that, it will stay that way." Peter couldn't explain the gratitude he felt for the man, knowing he would go that far for him. "I actually don't mind you becoming my parent too. You sort of already are, it's just...it's silly really." "If it bothers you this much, it is not silly. Please tell me." "It's just, I don't know what to call you anymore. You were uncle Steve to me or the great Captain America. My dad is my dad and my birth dad is my father. But I don't want to call you that because it feels too distant and we're not distant and I am ranting. Sorry." Steve smiled at him reassuringly. "It's alright. Thank you for telling me. I'm very happy that you aren't against my becoming your parent. Perhaps, I can offer a "label" as you put it." Peter looked hopefully at his future father, wanting the closeness they used to share to be back already. "I'm from a different time and back in my days we named things very different. Perhaps, if you like, you could call me Pops?" Peter tried to the word out in his head before smiling back at Steve, no pops. "I think that might work and it kinda suits you." "Just don't feel like you have  to use it. If you want you can keep calling me uncle Steve for as long as you want." Peter was prevented from answering by none other than his dad finally returning. "Hey kiddo, I'm back. You better not have been slacking in....here." Tony looked surprised at seeing them both in his workshop. "This day just got a lot better. My two favorite people in the same room." Peter abruptly tossed the boot he'd been working on at Tony, causing Steve to swallow his cry of alarm when Tony caught it as if expecting this kind of reckless behaviour from his son. Considering who raised him, he shouldn't have been so shocked. "Suck up." Peter retaliated with a mischievous grin. "And no, I haven't been slacking. See if that is better, if not I can try something else." He grabbed his bag, stuffing all his own tools back inside. "Now let me get out of here before you two start giving each other the googlie eyes." "The what?! Oh you better watch yourself, miscreant." Tony teased back as Peter walked passed him. "Bye dad, have fun! Bye Pops!" Tony nearly snapped his neck as he swirled around but Peter had already escaped into the elevator. Shocked he turned back to a smiling Steve. "Did he just...?" "I think we're good to go." Steve answered happily before Tony claimed his lips in celebration. Their family of three was ready to begin. fin

[jakeremake]

Parts of the Whole pt 2 - Rizzles fic

I hated this part of the morning. This was always the worst part of my day. Getting up an impossibly early hour, well before the alarm, when the sky was painted purple in the predawn light, when even morning show news anchors were still getting ready for the day and sneaking out. Slinking away as though I was doing something wrong. As though this was something that was shameful, something that we weren't supposed to be doing.

And maybe it is. Maybe we shouldn't be doing this. Not with the emotions involved.

So I wake. Gently slip free of the embrace she's wrapped me in in her sleep. Place a gentle kiss to her lips, careful not to disturb her as I leave, retreating to my own apartment to shower, change, and prepare for the day. Prepare myself to pretend that everything was fine, that everything was exactly the same as it always had been. That these last few months are simply nothing. That nothing at all has changed between us.

She had said, when we had begun this, when our friendship had acquired fringe benefits, that she didn't want anything to change. And I hadn't either, truth be told. I valued our friendship, needed her in my life, and didn't want things to change just because we fucked each other when there weren't any better options to get laid. And I knew that if I stayed, that if I allowed myself to get too comfortable, and woke up there next to her one morning that change would be inevitable. And that, the very idea of it, scares me more than anything.

I've stared down murderers. Been held hostage by psycopaths and serial killers. I've even died, spent one hundred and sixty seven seconds flatlined on an operating table, and none of that has scared me as much as the idea of risking my friendship with Maura.

I can't shake the guilt that settles around me when I start the car every morning that this happens, though. Every time I'm weak enough to show up in her bedroom and put on the brave show of this meaning nothing, of being just sex. Of this being just about us having busy lives and unconventional schedules that made a normal dating life difficult. Of finding mutual release with each other because it was easier than finding someone else.

I should be able to tell her. She says she doesn't want a relationship. That given our combined track records, a romance would simply end in misery. I lie and agree. I lie and tell her that no, I don't want anything more. That this - this friends who sometimes fool around with each other for a few absolutely wonderful hours arrangement - is perfect. I lie and say I'm happy with what we have. Everybody (except her) lies, after all.

And the lies are just another part of our relationship. A horrible, painful, hated part of this relationship. But a part of it nonetheless.

And I play along with it. Pretend that nothing at all has changed. And the next day, its back to business as usual. Back to griping about her attempts to mold my diet into something healthier. Back to inviting her over for takeout and terrible movies, back to beers at the bar. Back to our normal friendship, back to what we had for years before we started this. Back to laughing and flirting over dead bodies - but the innocent, mean nothing by it, fuck-with-the-others flirting that we had gotten so good at before one night after just enough alcohol to have us loose lipped but still sober enough to know full well what we were doing we looked at each other and thought why the hell not?

Until nights like this. Until I can't take it anymore, and in my weakness, I give in. Drive to her place, purposely empty-handed, knowing if I took anything, it would make it so much more difficult to leave. I've taken most of my things back to my place, and I hate how empty it feels to not see my clothes in the guest bedroom, waiting for me. But knowing that they were there, it made it that much harder to convince myself to leave. And I couldn't stay. Couldn't change things between us.

She says she doesn't want a relationship. Doesn't want romance. Doesn't want chocolates or love letters, or flowers and I'd agreed. After all, chocolate and love letters were for saps, and I'd brought up the unfortunate encounters with Jorge and Giovanni. And carefully avoid the fact that the only reason why both had backed off were for the same reason. And we laughed about how silly it was for them to believe we were actually together. As though it was some absurd notion for us to be a couple.

I don't tell her that while yes, I think chocolates and teddy bears and canned love letters are soppy, cheesy, and foolish, flowers are one of the last things left in this world that still have a genuine, tangible meaning. When I was a kid, I had this great big book that was easily at least the size of the illustrated kid's bible I had that went into everything from all the breeds of dog out there and all the countries and what all the flowers and what they meant were, and those meanings have stuck with me since. I don't bring up the fact that our movie nights, or the trips to the Robber - especially when we go absent Frost and Korsak - might as well be labled dates. But I leave the things we've always done as friends alone. The last thing I want is for us to turn necking on my couch into a regular occasion only for her to decide that this isn't what she wants at all.

And I ignore whatever this is in favor of the better part of a decade of friendship. I ignore this jumbled up, fucked up thing we call us, in favor of maintaining the status quo. Except on the nights like this where I can't stand it anymore and I give in, cave to my weaknesses. And that's when I drive across town, show up at her place and let myself in, heading directly for the bedroom. And its the worst and most glorious thing on the planet, all at once, because I have her, but I'm also forcing this to be all about the sex, and only about the sex, and nothing else. And I wait for her to fall asleep, and I leave, because that's all this is. Mutual gratification. It's rough, it's hard, its needy, and damn does it hide the emotions well.

And every morning in the shower, I tell myself that this is it. That today is the day I'm going to walk into her office and tell her that I can't take this anymore, that something's gotta give. That maybe, maybe, we wouldn't fuck things up too bad if we tried this. That I hate leaving the wonderful luxury of her bed, and I sure as hell wouldn't object to seeing her in mine. It was an unspoken part of this arrangement. Always, it was at her house. Always, when she'd crash at my place, it was with the same comfortable distance of friendship between us. I tell myself as I rinse the shampoo out of my hair, cursing as it drips into my eyes, that we can't keep going on like we are, and today is going to be the day I say that.

But the words die on my tongue, when an hour and a half later I hear the familiar clip of high heels on tile as she walks past the bull pen. The thought has been burning, gnawing at me since I dealt with Korsak and Frost's mocking askance looks when they came in to find me already ass-deep in reports that I'd been putting off since forever. And while I can feel the urge to scream it to her, the precinct and God in heaven above that I hate what we have with every fiber of my being, I say nothing but general pleasantries as she pretends to have no idea why I am here early either.

And I know that she will be in her office, that there are no suspicious deaths for her to look into, that she will not be too busy for this conversation. I know that I could go down there and tell her that we are simply avoiding an inevitability. That we will have to talk about this someday, why not make that day today? That we cannot continue to do this just sex thing forever - if its just sex, after all, what happens when one of us finds love?

And god, the thought of that, of losing Maura to someone that is more than just friendship and sex - it makes me sick to my stomach. I want nothing more than to tell her that somehow, against all odds, she's gotten beneath my skin. Made me want to care. And tell her that if she so much as breathes a word of that to anyone I'll stab her with her Jimmy Choos. Tell her that I cannot stand this anymore, that this whole not-quite-one and sure-as-shit-not-the-other that we have is simply not what I want anymore, and frankly, I don't know why I even thought it was a good idea in the first place.

But the hours drag by and she doesn't come up again, and I cannot summon up the courage to go down to see her. I want so badly to tell her how I feel, but I can't. Because to do so would risk losing everything that we've built up around us. Because I know that no matter what, I cannot push her away, not entirely. Because I know that if I try to change things, that this might be where she's bent so far she finally breaks. That every other time was another straw, and this one will finally shatter the camel's back.

So instead I convince myself that this means nothing, that I don't want anything more out of this. I keep telling myself that I'm happy with what we have, because I'd rather have this than nothing, no Maura at all, in my life. Because I'm not going to lose the only good thing in my life over something as silly as a relationship. Even as I drive to her house, purposely empty-handed, I tell myself that this means nothing.

I need her too much. It sickens me to play this all off as nothing, but its a part of this relationship. A hated, painful, horrible part of this relationship, but a part of it nonetheless.

[radreactions]

Open Mic at Third Rail - Part Two

The Sole Survivor dedicates a song to a companion. Written by none other than @saintlyguy!

Longfellow - "The Escape" by Rupert Holmes

The first stop in the Commonwealth for a Far Harbor man was a decent bar. Where else to look besides The Third Rail? Ordering the oldest, brownest liquor on the shelf, Longfellow knew he had found a bar counter he’d be proud to pass out on. Good drinks and a good partner, Sole. But their choice in drinks made Longfellow cringe. Sole sipped on a fruity looking drink that had an umbrella. “What the hell is that?”

“It’s called a pina colada. Wanna drink?”

“That tropical mess is not a solid drink.”

Sole proved the old man wrong when they went on stage drunk, after Magnolia had encouraged someone to sing in her place.

“IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS *hic* AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN. IF YOU’RE NOT INTO YOGA, IF YOU HAVE HALF A BRAIN!”

Longfellow ordered one thinking “What the fuck is in this thing?” Then he ordered another one. Another one. Another one.

Soon Sole wasn’t alone on stage.

Arm in arm, two drunks serenaded the unhappy patrons of The Third Rail.

“IF YOU LIKE MAKING LOVE AT MIDNIGHT

IN THE DUNES OF THE CAPE! I’M THE LOVE THAT YOU LOOKED FOR, COME WITH ME AND ESCAPE!”

MacCready - "Sakura Kiss" from Ouran High School Host Club

Back in the Third Rail with his employer turned traveling buddy, MacCready sat beside Sole with a bottle of beer and watching their back. You never know who’ll come up to you in a bar. On the lookout for trouble, Mac only found patrons sharing their tongues. A vocalized shudder caught Sole’s attention. “What’s wrong? Don’t like kissing?”

Trying to regain his cool “Not at all. As a matter of fact I’m quite the kisser myself. It’s just freaky watching others do it. Or even hear it mentioned.” Guess you can take the Mac out of Little Lamplight, but you can’t take the Little Lamplight out of Mac.

Sole had a fun idea to push Mac’s buttons. “Y’know, it’s open mic night. Could you go over my list of songs I could sing?”

Mac scanned Sole’s list only to cumble it up and throw it away.

“YOU DIC- I mean jerk! ‘Kiss on my List’ ‘Last Kiss’ ‘Kiss Me’? Are you trying to pis- I mean get under my skin? Just sing something else, anything else! Hel- I mean heck sing one of those cheesy theme songs of those pre-war shows!”

When a grin crept onto Sole’s, Mac knew he just fanned the flames. They leapt on stage, dedicated a song to Mac and all the lovely couples.

“KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE”

Although he didn’t say it, Mac’s mind could only think on word: fuck.

Maxson - "War" by Edwin Starr

Dragged by Sole from the Prydwyn, Maxson was forced to go on an intervention trip to address his prejudice. The trip to The Slog almost lead to a fire fight, Sanctuary proved a bit more successful (but that was because Sole was showing Maxson a bunch of ghoul kids who were in awe at his gatling laser and pulled his beard), but the most fulfilling (surprisingly) was the trek to Goodneighbor. After having his gatling laser and other weapons confiscated, Maxson went on a forced tour of the settlement led by none other than their mayor. The day ends with Sole and Maxson at The Third Rail. As much as Maxson would like to burn the place to the ground, Sole had planted a question he’d never thought before: Could he be wrong? Maxson’s train of thought was derailed when he heard Sole on stage.

“WAR! HOO!

WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!”

If anyone could change Maxson’s mind, it would be Sole.

Nick - "Changes" by David Bowie

Sole and Nick had a lot in common. They were two pre-war souls trapped in the future. No amount of cigarettes could ever settle Nick’s circuitry and no amount of alcohol could harden Sole enough for such a savage world. But at least they had each other; they were partners who’d watch each other’s backs and have each other’s backs. Nick was assured once more of this truth when his partner stole the limelight during The Third Rail’s open mic.

“Turn and face the strange

ch-ch-changes.

Don’t wanna be a richer man.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

ch-ch-changes.

Just gonna have to be a different man.

Time may change me, but I can’t trace time.”

That chorus got Nick thinking: “A different man huh? Maybe I should be a different man.” Pulling out a holotape labled “Eddie Winter,” Nick was going to ask Sole for a personal favor. Right after this song.

Piper - "Nobody But You" by The Wondergirls

Nothing could escape a reporter’s curiosity, especially if said reporter was Piper Wright. She had uncovered many mysteries: the case of the missing sock, what was the secret recipe in Takahashi’s noodles, who ate the last fancy lad cake in the fridge? But the question that piqued her interest the most: is Blue interested in anyone (her in particular)? Certainly the most eligible bachelor(ette) in the Commonwealth must have their eyes on someone (please let it be me, Piper hoped). This was a question she needed to answer. Drunk that is. Hopefully she won’t remember making an ass of herself if they turn her down. Drinks at The Third Rail’s open mic night. The perfect opportunity. And if she messes up, hopefully she can use the background singing to cover her muck ups. Five shots in, Piper was starting to feel brave. And drunk.

“Yo Blue! Hey that rhymed. I gotta ask you something. Do you like anyone?”

“What do you mean, Piper?”

Time to be direct. That is if the alcohol would let her.

“Do you like anyone? I mean anyone called Piper? Last name: Wright? Because a little birdie told me that Piper Wright likes you. Like really likes you. By the way I’m Piper Wright.”

Before Sole could answer, they were hoisted onto the stage by Magnola, leaving Piper yearning for an answer that would have to wait after an imprompted song. Or would she?

“I want nobody, nobody but you!

Nobody, nobody but you!

How could I be with another?I don’t want any other. I want nobody, nobody. Nobody, Nobody!”

Drunk Piper sat confused as to what was happening. Sole must be singing a secret code. They like somebody. It must have something to do with them pointing to me whenever they say you. Who does Blue like?

Preston - "The Star Spangled Man With a Plan" from The First Avenger

The General and their Right Hand Man had just helped another settlement with raider problems, the two needed a place to relax and maybe get a drink. The mayor of Goodneighbor was happy to comp the two with drinks from the top shelf at The Third Rail. The two toasted and began to unwind. Preston needed this as much as the General. He needed some time to tell them how impressed and proud he is of what they’ve accomplished.

“I still can’t believe how you managed to bring the Minutemen back from beyond the grave. You must be a born leader.”

“Or just really convincing. Y’know during the war, I did commercials before I became a soldier.”

“What did you sell?”

“War bonds. Before I could fight on foreign soil, I had to fight at home. And I was in tights and singing.”

Taking by surprised, Preston had to repeat Sole. “Singing, how?”

Chugging a the bottle the two have been sharing, Sole took to the stage. Conveniently it was open mic night.

Preston watched, holding back giggles as Sole marched and sang with a trashcan lid which they seem to be using as a shield.

“Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American way?

Not all of us can storm a beach or drive a tank, but there’s a way all of us can fight.

Who vows to fight like a man/girl for what’s right, night and day?

Series E Defense Bonds: each one you but is a bullet in the barrel of your best guy’s gun.

Who will campaign door to door for America? Carry the flag shore to shore for America?

From Hoboken to Spokane.

THE STAR SPANGELD MAN/GAL WITH A PLAN!”

Strong - "All Star" by Smash Mouth

Who’s idea was it to bring a super mutant to open mic night? That’s right. Sole, the Vault Dweller from Vault 111. But it really wasn’t there fault. How could they have known that singing would pump up their super mutant friend. They didn’t even get past the first word.

“SomeBODY-!”

Right on the second syllable, their pal Strong smashed the table, ready to thrash about.

Sole stood onstage wetting themselves, whimpering.

-“the world is gonna roll me.”

X6-88 - "Legend Has It" by Run the Jewels

“We need two volunteers to take Magnolia’s spot while she powders her nose!”

X6 reluctantly followed Sole to the lit stage where two microphones awaited for them. He never wanted to do this, but he was prepared for this and a list of other scenarios. Y’know, to help him blend in.

Sole waited ecstatically with a mic, turning to X6 and playfully warning him: “Don’t freeze.”

“I never freeze.”

And the courser took the fuck off.

“Hear what I say! We are the business today!

Fuck shit is finished today!

X6 and Sole! We the new PB & J!”

An unexpected but welcomed surprise! Sole allowed X6 to demolish this first verse then came in to shred.

“We are the murderous pair

that went to jail and we murdered the murderers there. Then went to Hell and discovered the devil, delivered some hurt and despair!”

Oh what a murderous pair they were indeed.

[bennybear99]

Baby Blues (Far Cry 5 fic)

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓻 3 -light smut warning-

John and I have been seeing each other a lot over the past 2 weeks, Kim is still the only one that knows about and for now, it's going to stay that way...

September started to roll in, the perfect weather not too hot during the day and not too cold at night.

Growing up this is the time of year my family and I would go camping, I haven't gone camping the past few years since I didn't have the money for supplies plus I never had anyone to go with, now I feel like I might have someone to go with...if John agrees, after finishing up my work for Nick I headed to the Seed ranch, nervously tapping my fingers on the steering wheel of my truck why was I nervous. I stepped inside just as John came down the stairs, still buttoning his shirt his vest still hanging open on his shoulders "Sorry I should have knocked" I apologize, "it's fine, I told you my door was always open, unless I said otherwise" he points out casually as he rounds the kitchen table picking up his watch.

"I actually needed to ask you something" I finally say trying to hide my nervousness, "I haven't gone in years but I was wondering if you'd maybe wanna go camping with me this weekend, give us both some time away from all of this," I ask, John looks up excited "I haven't gone camping since I was a kid, I'd love to" He replies with a small smile "what you gonna tell your brother won't he get suspicious if you up and leave for a few days?" I point out "I'll think of something to tell him" he assures me, the rest of the afternoon we planned our trip even though it was only Tuesday,

As the week went on I bought supplies and a few things for John, when Friday morning came I rolled up to the house in my little blue pick up truck packed with our supplies at 7 am. "Mornin'" I yawn as John climbed into the passenger seat once he'd put his duffle bag in the back "Brought you something" I smirk as I hand him a blue travel mug of coffee my eyes lingered for a minute, I was still getting used to seeing John not - well - dressed like John this morning he walked out in a flannel and jeans, no watch, his dress shoes replaced with boots. "Goodmorning" he replies taking the coffee his voice still gruff from just waking up.

"So what'd you end up telling Joseph?" I ask as we drove out on to the open road, John chuckled as he put the mug of coffee to his lips "I told him I needed some time to myself so I wouldn't sin again." he explains putting air quotes around the word sin "and he bought it?" I ask surprised "Yeah, every bit of it" John replies.

It was around 12 pm when we got to the campsite it was quiet and perfect, I grab the tent out of the back of the truck and started to set up "uh what you like me to do?" John asks rocking back and forth on his heels "Open the tailgate and get the cooler out" I told him as I drove the stakes into the ground for the tent "tailgate?" he questions "open the back of the truck" I chuckle putting it in lamens terms he nods getting it before getting the large green and white cooler out of the back, as he rolls it over he stops and looks up at me before continuing "something wrong" I ask as he places the cooler next to the tent "what's in here?" he asks as he walks back to the truck to get our sleeping bags "our food, and a suprise or two" I smirk as he hands me the sleeping bags, as I crawl into the tent to put the pillows and sleeping bags in, I could feel his eyes on me, I stifled back a laugh I crawled back out of the tent and walked back to the truck one last time to get our bags, once every thing was set up, we started on a small hike, we walked and talked until we came across a small pond "wanna take a brake over there?" John asks pointing to the pond I quickly agreed my legs were killing me, as we walk to the pond I start to peel my shoes and socks off sitting on the edge of the water just putting my feet in, I look around for John, it was like he just disappeared before I could call out for him, I was pushed into the pond, as I emerged John stood on the edge of the water seeming all too proud of himself ,"I'm gonna kill you" I laugh pushing my hair out of my face "Gotta catch me first" he smirks before starting running towards our camesite "John!" I yell after him still laughing as I pull my self out of the water quickly pulling my shoes back on before running after him, stopping by a tree to catch my breath, two tattooed arms grab me wrapping around my waist as they pull me close, "gotcha" John says with a cocky smile "I bet your proud of yourself hmm" I say with a small laugh turning around to face him his arms still around me, "You know now that you mention it -" he smirks stopping short as our eyes meet he lets out a small chuckle as I cup his face pulling him into a kiss, he quickly accepts it, his tougue slipping into my mouth he backs himself against the tree pulling me closer, our bodies as close as two people can be, his breath still tast of the coffee from this morning, It was like we'd been waiting for this moment for ages.

As if I was no longer controlling it, my right-hand drops from where it was cupping his face to his jeans groping the front of them, I pull my lips away from him catching my breath our foreheads resting together, "my god, Charity" he murmurs my hand still groping him "Maybe we could move this to the tent..." he suggests worry laced in his voice as I lazily undid his belt releasing him from his boxers "we can don't worry" I smirk as I kneel down in front of him, taking him into my mouth as I fist the base of his member I look up as he tilts his head back his mouth slight a gape as my mouth moved up and down taking every inch, it must have started to become too much because I felt his hand grip on the side of my shoulder pulling me to my feet, stuffing himself back into his pants, before taking my hand practically dragging me to the tent.

The two of us laughing like a couple of teenagers as we peel off our clothes inside the small tent trying not to hit each other, once John had removed all of his clothes he lays back on his sleeping bag stroking himself as I struggled with my jeans, once I was undressed I climbed on top of him, slowly easing myself down onto him, my breath hitching in my throat as he enters me I place my open hands on his bare chest to keep my balance as I move up and down, small moans of pleasure coming from the both of us as I start to speed up John placed one hand around my hip as the other played with my breast I took the hand that was playing with my breast and inner locked it with mine as I leaned forward connecting our lips again.

As I picked up speed I could feel climax sneaking up on me, I slowed down a bit, but I guess John wasn't ready for me to stop he bucked his hips into me causing me to cry out "Fuck, John" I manage out before he thrust again this time not stopping with one, his belt jingling around his ankles as he thrusts faster and faster wrapping his arms around me pulling me into his chest, words failed me as I buried my face in his chest, neither one of us trying to keep our voices down as we finished, unbearably tender I roll off of him laying next to him, laying together trying to catch our breath, John carefully wraps his right arm around me his other arm resting on his chest I could feel his facial hair brush my forhead as he kisses the top of my head "wow" I finally breathe making john chuckle

"was there a time you believed in all this?" I ask once the both of us calmed down I slip my hand under his inspecting all of the tattoos that littered his hand and forearm they always interested me "a long time ago, yes" he admits once his breathing had steadied out "what made you stop...believing?" I ask carefully "I think it was when Joseph started to force people to join..." he recalls "if you're going to be dedicated to something it should be your choice" he points out I nod as the calming silence of the woods falls over us, then I remembered what I'd packed in the cooler, I grab John's flannel and threw it on before crawling out of the tent and grabbing two beers from the cooler then crawling back into the tent "Beer?" John asks as I remove the flannel laying next to him again "yeah, is that a problem?" I ask opening one "I've never had beer before" he admits sheepishly "Wow, you are sheltered" I remark kind of amazed as I set the unopened one aside "what do you expect" he points out with a shrug "fine we'll just share this one" I say before putting the bottle up to my lips before passing it to John, I watch as he takes a sip "it's not bad" he shrugs as he looks at the lable on the bottle, "Man, Mary May would kill you if she heard you say that" I tease taking the bottle back, it was some of the home distiled beer Mary may serve, she had given me some when I told her I was going camping, If only she knew who was drinkin' it right now,

As the sky started to dark John and I get dressed and moved outside, laying blankets and pillow in the bed of my truck to lay on while we watched the stars, I was looking forward to two more days like this...

[faithsummers11]

Love never dies❤

A/N:- Hey!!! Guess what it's my birthday but that's not important what's important is that its harry's birthday. Well it's a different story that it's on the same day. So what im going to do is post a lots and lots of harry i have like 3 already in my drafts, so stay tuned.

Well someone requested me to write a oneshot about harry where "he's your friend for long time but then he finally deside to break the boundaries and make you his" but apparently i have written somewere similar to this plot oneshot about Niall so i decided to mix it up with another request well it's not a request something my sis wants me to write "where you are celebrity friends turned patners with some jelous harry and a bit of celeb drama"

Both of them are anyway cheesy but i thought I'll give it a go, so this is what i came up with i hope you guys like it. Sorry tht it's quite long. And Again english is not my first language so pardon me for any mistakes.

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"Umm.. I just wanted to ask like.. Umm... only if you're ok with it... will you be my like.. girlfriend" he asked with a bit nervousness "I think we should start it off with a friendship before getting into a relationship " i said politely denying his offer and forwarding a hand of friendship which he gladly shook. That event to today's day is something I'm utterly proud of and most regreted moment of my entire life

Oh how much i love him only if i could tell him this is the exact reason i regret rejecting him back then, it's not like i didn't like him back then, i did but we were kids he was 16 i was 15, if we would have got into a relationship back than then we would have ended even before we started, moreover i was just starting my career and so was he, i didn't wanted to go out of focus. But now that I've my roots in this industry and been so close to him that i even know his deepest darkest secreats, seen him in his most vulnerable state i have found myself fallen for him so hard that it was getting impossible to get up. But he probably was over that thing and was happy with the friendship we had, and had a lot of not-so-long relationship, not to mention he was now The Harry Styles who had millions of girls dieing for him.

"Mam the car is ready " my driver told me taking me out of my own world. I quickly grabbed my clutch and headed towards the car, i was going to this party which was held to celebrate all the sucessful music and movies of the year and i had been invited to, it was all celeb part so everyone was coming and being one of renowned name in both music and movie industry i was hell bent instructed to go, i quickly slipped into the car, and the driver started heading towards the destination.

As i was looking out of the window all the memories come back to me. It all started at the x-factor i was a selected to perfom as a celebrity performer with the boys, taking i only had one album out and was just starting my career i wasn't supposed to be there but considering that i worked for Simon's lable got me as a celebrity performer, i spend 4 days with the boys we got along so well, we also wrote copule of songs and performed a very orignal track on the show, which everyone tend to fall in love with. Especially Simon

After the performance was when harry proposed me and i said a no but fate had something saved for me since I worked with Simon's lable, Simon liking the song which me and the boys came up with, got me hooked with the boys. "I really like the chemistry " was what simon said and there after i was like the 6th member of the band. We went on tours together we shared arenas first day they performed 2 days later i performed in the same arena, we literally shared same crew same management and same hotel.

We travelled together, sneaked out of places together, pranked and drinked together, every thing i did they were with me, every thing they did i was with them this whole thing got us all together i became so close to the boys, zayn was like a brother to me, Louis was the patner in crime, liam was the gym buddy, niall and harry were the idiot friends, but out of all of them harry has always been the closest. Our friendship was something everyone idolized all the directioners love all the vedios i posted of all the nonsense we did, they also like it and considered me a part of them. Did i ever mentioned this made me one of the songwriters on a copule lot of their songs.

But this was only till their 4th album 'Four' was set to release and my tour for my 4th album was about to get over, that i decided to leave Simon's record lable, i was working on my 5th album and due to my work in a movie i was getting a lot more movies offer, but Simon wanted me to forget about acting, which triggered . Me truely speaking the management was already bitchy about every thing and controlled every thing we did and when simon added that i made a final decision and then realeased my 5th album under Capitol records. Well even after that i was friends with them we still used to do get together & meet ups when everthing started going wrong zayn left the band and they didn't actually talked after that but he was still a friend of mine he even introduced me to his now girlfriend Gigi and the boys went on break and all went solo well that was their decision and that never changed anything I've always been there for them if they needme, me and harry are still the closest I still run up to him even at 3 in the morning if he needs me. Only niall is been really flirty nowadays.

"We're here " my driver announced snapping me out of my flashback, i quickly had a look at the mirror and prepared myself for the flashing cameras.

The moment i stepped out all the cameras flashed i heard my name been called from different directions. Even if it was a party it had some kind of red carpet. I possed for the cameras for some time and moved forward where a lot of people were interviewed, i was making my way when a interviewer caught me he asked me about my upcoming movie and about my tour for the current album but then what he asked was something i wasn't prepared for. "So y/n what do you think about harry styles and (anyone you want)'s breakup? "

"Oh umm.. I don't know.. I mean what can i say .... there decision i say.... Ya. Umm i don't know"

"You are his closest friend as he say, so do you think you will now have a chance with him, cause trust me no this a lot of people out there ship you two, do you like him?"

This question by the interviewer got me, i cannot help the blush that creeped on to my cheeks it took all in me to not to scream in his face about how happy i was with the breakup and how much i loved him "umm.. Well we are just friends " was all i said before leaving.

I was glad i was inside, i quickly grabbed a drink and found a group of friends who i got into a conversation with. I was in a conversation when i heard someone call my name, i turned to see it was niall standing in a corner with harry, ed And ed's girlfriend. I excused myself and went over to them i greated every one with smile and hugs, being in this industry for 8-9 years now i was friend with everyone i knew, ed being close one again because of harry, he was close to harry and so to me.

"Hey mate how you doing ". i asked niall getting out of his warm hug.

"Nothing much, just the album and stuff, btw what about you heard you got paired with Rayan Gosling for your upcoming movie, you must be dying happy isn't he your celebrity crush" Niall said all exited

"Yep he is, you know when i came to know about he being my patner, i truely lost my shit i was jumping around my entire house like a crazy maniac " everyone busted out laughing on how exited i was, ofcourse it was like a dream come true for me.

"Looks like you've been stalking her niall " harry kinda snapped

"Umm.. No mate it's all over the internet i was just happy for her and a..." Niall said but was cut by harry "Dosen't matter mate it's ok don't bother me about it, she has already worked with some legends in the industry that dosen't change her winny self, stop thinking of yourself like god y/n" harry said more like dissed me i was expecting a congrats but he was acting a bit bitchy towards me lately ever since the last meet at award show some days ago. He didn't picked up my calls or spoke to me without throwing shade at me, and he being rude hurted me to hell, cause it was the last thing i wanted i loved him beyond belief i couldn't have afforded the loss of our friendship at any cost.

Ed probably senced that he being the only one who knows my feelings for him, spoke " wohh mate easy there you being rude now, you two share the best friendship i know so plzz now" "Whatever " harry said rolling his eyes. I was literally holding back tears at this point.

Just than Charlie puth came up "Hey Y/N, here you are, hey guys i hope you are doing fine, sorry to disturb you but can i just borrow your friend for a minute just need to talk some business" charlie said excusing both of us. I was so thankful to him about it cause if i would have stayed there a minute more i would've bursted into tears.

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Harry's p.o.v:-

She left with Charlie with sad and teary eyes, not as her cheerful self, not as she arrived i knew i made her sad, and i hate myself for doing that, i can't belive i was doing that to her, she has been by my side whenever i needed her, without any ulterior motives she never did that because she wanted to sleep with me or for my fame, she was more famous than me at the end.

I don't know what I'm doing but if I've to get over her this is the only way, she has me crazy about her but don't seem to wanna be mine. She has this effect on me ever since we first met, i love her since then, and my love for her dosen't seem to fade away even after all the years infact i found myself falling for her even more. All my attempts to get over her failed all those girls and relationship i had to get her out of my head all failed nothing ever worked, my last girlfriend i don't even wanna talk about it i litraliterally fucked her to y/n's thaught screaming y/n's name, i never spoke to her after that, but she seemed to have spilled the beans with her friends cause i remember y/n telling me about how all my ex girlfriends were acting bitchy with her, even if some of them were her good friends. She didn't saw the pattern there but i did.

This all was not my fault that i can't get over her, it was all her, she first said a no to me but became so close to me that i literally didn't felt no need of a gurd around her, she was the one who sneeked me out for some fun or ice-cream when i felt down or home sick, stayed up all night and look after me when i was not well, always been there whenever i needed someone to hold me at the depths of my despair, she was the one who soothed me when i felt down with all the hate comments. She was the one who made me feel worthy when i felt worthless, she was the one to run to me just on a phone call even 3 in the am not to share a bed with me but sit by my side and listen to all my nonsence, she was always one call away, but never let me call her mine or should i say i never got the guts to propose he again after that.

Well that's what niall said, i remember the award show we attended some days ago Niall was flirting with her the whole time, which got my blood boil so after the show i cornered him wanting an answer

"What the fuck are you doing niall!??"

"What mate what's wrong??"

"Why were you flirting with y/n the whole time??, your eyes never left her " I bit yelled at his face.

"Whohh mate chill down there i was just trying, ya know i kinda like her and ya see she is single im trying mate "

"Stop then! Stop trying your luck ok you ain't getting her keep your distance from he.." i was cut off

" Or what will you do, see mate i know you have feelings for her but, mate i have waited for you to make a move long enough now, you ain't doing anything, i mean.. Have you seen y/n she is one of the biggest names in the industry, beautiful like no other, purest soul with heart of gold and hot as hell, hotness drips down every inch of her body, c'mon mate every man wants her. And I'm no different, if you don't have the guts to confess your love to the closest person to you not my fault mate, being your friend I'll suggest you mave a move before someone else get her or just forget her"

Niall left me with no word he was right, i couldn't even count how many men have showed intrest in her, I just wanted to go tell her but then all the bond we had i feared losing it, feared losing our friendship, but still i don't know why but i decided to go the other way and try to forget her. Thus, ending up being everything she disslike, been all shady and bitchy, cocky little shit.

I was all in my thoughts when Niall nudged me "looks like Charlie is getting what you think is yours" he said making me look in the direction where y/n and Charlie were standing. There she was giggling and laughing her famous laugh something i died for, Charlie was saying something to her wispering in her ear being all touchy and shit, even she was laughing on with him her hand constantly on his chest or on his shoulder, sometimes going in his hairs. That seemed nothing like any business talk.

I know he was into her, how? Well Liam told me, when Liam worked with him he told me how obsessed charlie was with y/n and how he requested liam to set his meeting with her, no wonder he fancied her collaboration was just a cleaver means, for him to get to know her and by the picture i was getting he was pretty much succeeding.

I was satring at them with bloodshot eyes. My anger has taken over me now, i didn't know what i was saying or doing anymore. I didn't know when i just raged towards them.

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Y/N's :- P.o.v

I was talking to Charlie, we were talking about the upcoming song that we were working on, well i know it was not just about the song I'm not a fool to not understand that he fancied me, and was trying his best to impress me, little did he know i already had my Heart for someone else, that's one of the biggest disadvantage of being single, everyone who likes you tries to hit on you, not even trying to understand once why you are single.

I have to admit that Charlie is one funny person to be around, we were just talking and he was telling some funny ass stories from his tour days, which had me laughing to death, just when i felt eyes on me and when i turned to look in the direction i saw harry's bloodshot eyes boring into me and charlie.

In my complet time of knowing harry i haven't seen this kind of rage in his eyes a mixture of anger and frustration with something which i wasn't able to put my fingure on. I turned to look at Charlie and continued talking, just a moment later i felt a hand on my shoulder it was harry, he lightly squeezed my shoulder, looking straight into my eyes, i was not able to understand what was on his mind, he looked at me and then looked at Charlie shooting him a glare.

"I hope you're done with your business talk, i want to talk to you y/n" harry said pressing the word 'business'.

"Yes harold say what you wanna talk about"

"It's abit personal, can you plzz come with me for a minu.." harry was cut off by Charlie

"Sorry mate but we aren't finished talking yet can you just wait for some time"

"Nope, y/n it's important, you are coming with me now " harry said with stern voice.

"Hey mate! you don't own her so stop making your own decision " Charlie said adding fule to harry's anger

"You're coming with me or not?" harry asked me through gritted teeths. I wasn't able to understand what was going on, why was harry so angry, my brain was trying to figure out everything, and till i could respond harry yelled "Fine" and started leaving.

"Harry wait" i called as i put my glass down and started going behind him. His anger was over the top, his normal gentlemanly behaviour was thrown out of the window, he knocked and pushed everthing and everyone in the way, when i finally caught him.

" Harry wait, what's wrong talk to me "

"None of your business " he said starting to walk away again, but i hold on to his arm and made him to stop.

"Tell me, what's bugging you, i can help"

"You cannot, just let me go "

" No way in hell are you leaving without telling me what's upp "

"Why.." Harry started his voice was raised but he quickly stopped looking around and realising we were still in the party. He grabbed a strong hold of my hand and dragged me out of the party, he was still angry i don't know why but he was, his grip on my hand was tightening not bothering of leaving marks he was dragging me from different hallways full of people, Not giving a shit about me tripping on my own legs or people watching us, till we reached the parking lot.

He opened his rover's door for me and commnded "Get in" his voice stern and angry.

"Harry for god sake are you going to tell, what's this all about, where are you taking me??"

"I SAID FUCKING GET IN" harry yelled right in my face, this scared me i know harry will never hurt me not intently, i got in the car and harry came in the drivers seat and started driving

I put my hand on his lap and started "Harry.. "

"SHUT UPP" he yelled again, slapping away my hand from his lap. I was literally on the verge of crying, his rude behaviour was killing me, but i knew not to bother him taking his yelling and rudeness in his behaviour. I kept my mouth shut for the entire ride, looking out of the window trying to figure out what i did wrong.

I was just starting out of the window remembering all the good old memories that i had with harry not even realising the tears that slipped my eyes. I wiped the tears when the car came to an halt. I realized it was harry's place. I wanted to ask him why he has brought me here, but before i can ask him any thing he was out opening my door and pulling me out and dragging me into his house and litraliterally throwing me on the floor this got anger bubble up in me, he was crossing his limits, he got me angry all pooling in my eyes.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" harry yelled his anger out, not bothering picking me up. I quickly got up, collecting myself and yelling on top of my lungs

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??, WHY ARE YOU ACTING RUDE AND SHADY?? WHAT DID I DO?"

Harry burst a sarcastic haugh "What did you do? Stop acting innocent, you know what I'm talking about"

"Oh for fuck sake harry, keep it clear what did i do?"

"Whay are you being all slut, being all over Niall and that Charlie guy, why don't you FUCK THEM ALREADY ".

His words had venom in them i was shocked, my eyes wide in amazement.

"Why would i do that, they are just friends, and even if i do it's none of you business " i chocked the word out.

"Ohh plzz it's all my businesses, you cannot be friends with them, or go all the way flirt..."

"And do what harry, they are the only people good to me nowadays, you been shady to me, you are my best friend but you ain't even talking to me, and don't even get to me on what you said to you ex'es because even my best friends are being bitchy with me, so plzz.."

" I didn't did anything, its you all you", he said tears forming in his eyes his voice lowering . " Everthing is wrong, it's all my mistake, all because of you " harry said breaking down, his voice cracking. Fuck how rude he was, but seeing him break, ached my heart.

I went close to him took his hands in mine and calmy asked "what's it harry tell me, I'm here for you, I'll always be" he looked deep into my eyes the rage was back, my heartbeat increased, my stomach did flips, the next thing i remember he had me pinned to the nearest wall, hands above my head, his body pressed to mine, i was breathing his breath, his lips hovering over mine, my heart was beating out of my chest, harry has never been this close to me, sure we have cuddled and hugged but never been this close physically.

"I don't know but you are the only thing i want y/n , i don't know why i was shady, just cannot take you with anyone else, i can't do this anymore i want you to be mine only mine, i can't be in all the friendzone shit when all i want to do is fuck you mindlessly, go on dates with you, do all the cheesy copule shit with you, hold your hand in front of everyone and scream on top of my lungs how much i love you, i re..."

I cut him by kissing him, when our lips met all this frustration and tension was released, which both of us were holding, now i understand the emotion in his eyes it was jealousy. I was over the moon to know he felt for me the same way i did for him.

He broke the kiss and looked stright into my eyes, "So should i take that you love me the same way as i do " harry said with sparkling eyes, "ofcorse you idiot i love you too, what took you so long" harry kissed me again his lips gental yet hungry, he licked my bottom lip for entrance, i ggladly opend my lips for him to deepen the kiss,.

Soon the way to his bedroom was marked with our expensive cloths, my body was pressed under him, his naked chest pressed to mine, his hands massaged my breasts, he pinched my nipple and i yelped into his mouth, he chuckled, and trailed kisses down till he reached my breast and took my nipple in his mouth, sucking on it "you have no idea how long I've waited for this" harry said switch to my other breast, "well that goes both wayssss.." i half gaspd when his hand reached my clit and started playing with my folds "so, wet for me already aren't you?" harry said inserting his long digits into me, he started pumping in and out as he increased his pace i was a moaning mess under him, just as i thought i was close to my release he removed his hand, i wimphered at the loss, A long moan left my mouth when he sucked on his digit.

I felt him line up at my entrance "wait you don't want me to suck you off first" i asked taking him in my hand. He laid me down back pressing his tip at my entrance "we'll have a lot of time for that but now, if i don't fuck your brains out, i would probably burst " with that he pushed all the way into me, he was bigger than my imaginations, it took me some time to adjust to his size, but once igave him the green signal he went all the way from slow and steady to pounding into me relentlessly, hard and fast, he was diving me crazy. Long moans and skin slapping on skin were the only voices to be heard in the room.

I felt my orgasm fast uproching, the knot in my stomach tightned and my walls clenched around him, "let it go baby girl" harry wispered in my ear before kissing me, that was all i needed to let go. My body felt light, the plesure taking over me, my breathing heavy, when i felt twitch inside me, his pace wasn't slowing, i thrusted my hips upwards to meet his, so he can go deeper, soon i felt him spill inside me and he crashed on top of me. Heavy breaths slowing down as we were coming down from our highs.

After a minute or so harry pulled out, i wimphered at the loss, he went in the bathroom and came with a damp cloth and cleaned me. After he was done he plopped beside me and i snuggled into his chest

"You know what y/n"

"What??"

"I might know why my ex'es are being bitchy with you"

"You know??, why are they doing that?? Tell me"

"This is embarrassing, but you know i my last girlfriend.. " harry said turning to look at me

"Yep, what abot her?.."

"Umm.. I kinda fucked her.. Screaming your name"

I sat up shocked not believing my ears "No fucking way, tell me you are lying " i half chuckled and half shocked.

"Well that's true, and she seemed to have spilled the beans, and Thats why they are acting wieard with you"I laughed out loud "oh my god harry, you had so many girlfriends how am i going to deal with this " i said snuggling back into him "you really love me that much" "i love you beyond belief y/n i love you so ao much " Harry said before doseing off into deep sleep. It's truely said that love never dies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I Hope you guys like it if you like it let me know Also give me some ideas for writing harry imagines for his birthday week, smut or not dosent matter, I'll definitely write it, drop them in the ask box.

Also go check my previous writtings,links here 1.Best punishment ever. 2. Dream come true 3. Get away pt1, pt2, pt3. 4. Roommates pt1, pt2. 5. Friends!! ain't we?.

[jauneflowers]

Queer-er than thou

The last few weeks, I’ve considered the direction I wanted to take with my writing. As usual, in an act of cathartic therapy, I try to reflect on the thoughts that plague me. Unpack them, step back out of them and see them for what they really are. One particular one I’d like to write about today is one that has always sort-of followed me around, but was ignited in my mind fully by an encounter last summer. I think about that encounter a lot. In this piece I want to touch on gatekeeping around queer identity, what a queer identity ‘is’ and how this event impacted me. I’ve always feared rejection in queer circles, an internalised transphobia or perhaps biphobia that made me worry that others would take an aspect of my life, deem it unqueer and cast me out because of it. I want to unpack this event and how the words of strangers stick to us and exclude us from being part of the community. If you do not wish to read about awkward situations, defining queerness and musings about identity. I suggest you stop reading now!

First of all, I want you to think of queer identity. Picture it in your head. Put symbols and images to the thought. Perhaps consider what you have pictured. Why that? What made you think of those things? Why is that queer to you? Do you think other people would have thought about what you thought about? This is the intangible essence of queerness that is integral to its very idea, or non-idea. Anyone that knows me knows I spend a lot of time thinking about what queer means, which is a funny idea in itself. I’ve done academic work around queerness where I have attempted to capture the meaning of queer in a very subjective way, perhaps by using other people’s works or- in the example of my Dissertation- the definitions created by queer people participating as research subjects. I don’t think queer has a definition, I came to that decision through life experience nevermind my research. I do, however, think Queer has an essence. There are things that you look at and you know they’re queer, but it’s not always for the obvious reasons. There are things that share a common trait, and then share a queer element to them. It is not black and white. I want to start here because I think it illustrates a point I wish to make, as well as the aforementioned situation I experienced last summer. 

It’s July 2019. You’re me, thrilled at the prospect that you are going to Pride with friends. A friend I’d had through my teenage years invited me back to Bristol to go to Pride there. We’d done it the year before, but this year they were going with a bigger group of friends and wanted me to tag along too. It was a sweet gesture and, since I’d just gotten out of an extremely rocky breakup, I wanted to let my hair down and have fun! I booked a coach, packed my bags and trundled down to Victoria to get there. The coach was packed, containing some other pride dwellers, but I had managed to snag a window seat. As the coach filled, someone with a very cool lobster bag came to sit next to me. They had blue hair, a friendly smile and a wicked outfit, and I couldn’t help but compliment their bag as they sat down. The lobster was extremely cute and glittery, it was great. We chatted for a bit. They got their bag from Tiger, I expressed that I loved my rainbow bag from Tiger and that it felt nice to have something that represented my identity. They asked if I was going to Pride in Bristol and we found out we had a similar destination, it was nice. However, things soon took a turn for the worst. I complimented their hair and expressed excitement that I was currently saving my money to dye my hair a “nice, queer pink”, referring to the liberation symbol and the colour of a LGBTQ+ Studies module I’d taken that year.

 It all went downhill from there, with what they said in reply. 

“See, I don’t have to dye my hair for people to know I’m queer. You however… Yeah, I don’t think anyone would believe you’re queer.” 

Oh. 

My cheeks burned and my face fell. In all honesty, I can’t completely recall if that’s what they said, because I knew where the sentence was going and I already was starting to tune out. What could’ve been a potential friend exposed themselves all too quickly to be someone who was the ‘perfect queer’. Everything I spoke about, even when they asked me for ideas, was wrong. I didn’t want top surgery, so I wasn’t queer. Even if I did want it, I couldn’t afford it so I wasn’t queer. I’d recently had a boyfriend, so I wasn’t queer. I had long hair, so I definitely wasn’t nonbinary, never mind queer. Every moment of the conversation was riddled with their queer-er than thou state of mind. There was an idea of queerness that they had, and because I didn’t fit it… well. I wasn’t queer. 

I put up with the grueling last hours of this coach ride with this constant invalidation, too sad to say shut the fuck up. The idea of my invalid queerness was drilled into me during that coach ride. And it didn’t stop when I left the coach and said goodbye. It didn’t stop when I spent time with my friends at Pride. It didn’t stop when I got back on the coach and went home. It definitely didn’t stop. I still think about it, even today. I think about you. The person who said this to me, and the way you must view the world. Sometimes I wonder if you dwell on what you said to me as often as I do. When you choose clothes for the day, do you dress wondering if LGBT+ strangers will tell you you’re not one of them? When you dye your hair, do you have an almost ritualistic moment where you think of the irony of what you said to me that day? Do you fear kinship with other queer people, because you’re scared they won’t see you as queer? I do all of these things. You struck a match and could’ve lit a candle, but you burned me instead. 

I wish I hadn’t complimented your fucking lobster bag. 

I digress… 

So what do we learn from this experience? Well. We learn the effect of what a solidified queer idea can do to other people. When you pen queerness into a box, look desperately for labels and things to define it with, you cut out actual, real queer people. Queerness, at its at its dictionary definition is:

 “The quality or characteristic of having a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms.”

And even then, that dictionary definition is very, extremely broad in the long term. I don’t tend to stick to it too closely with my own queerness. When we behave queer-er than thou, to place our own queerness high above the definitions and conceptions of others, we tell them they’re not worth it, not good. They don’t fit in, they’re not right. In this case, how are we any better than those who use queer as a slur? Queer, if you choose it as an identity lable, is an intangible identity made up of concepts, ideas, physical things (I know I said intangible, but you get what I mean) and actions. To gate keep and to define and, to wax on about what queerness MUST be means we exclude and take away. Of course, the irony of me writing this piece is not lost on me. However, I hope this reflection helps myself and other queer people to be concscious of how we approach queerness in the world, how we hold it. Is it a choke hold or an embrace? Is it black and white, or shades of grey? What do you think? 

[ladyseaheart1668]

Endless Summer Fan Novel (Book 1, Chapter 7)

Notes: In non-canon scenes this chapter, Alodia gets flirty over dishes. Also, as encouraging as likes are, I love comments. (Shameless fishing for comments over) :) 

Somehow, that night, I manage to eventually fall asleep. When I wake the next morning, Murphy is curled up next to me, kneading me with his paws like a kitten. I stay beside him for a moment, rubbing behind his ears. Then, with a sigh, I push back the blankets. No sense in staying in bed. It won't fix anything.  Nnnnnn

I brush my teeth and take a shower. Before dressing, I dry myself thoroughly and change the bandage on the claw marks. They're not bleeding anymore, and there is no sign of infection. I dress and run a comb through my damp hair. I've just finished making the bed when there's a knock at the door. I go to open it, and find Diego outside.

“Hey, Allie. Ready for breakfast?”

“You know I'm always ready for breakfast.” I grab my key and step outside, shutting the door behind me. “Do you think things are going to be cool in there? That fight yesterday was pretty heated...”

“Heh. You made a temperature pun.”

“Oh, hush. It's a serious question.”

He shrugs. “People fight all the time. How could anyone stay mad in a paradise like this?”

“...Maybe you're right.”

We take the elevator down to the restaurant level. The moment I step inside, the tension rolls over me like a wave. Everyone's there, but no one is speaking. The only things on the buffet table are cold bagels and dry cereal. The laughter and banter of yesterday morning are gone. The beach crew sits on one side, with the group who went investigating on the other. Jake and Sean head their respective tables, eyeballing each other icily. Diego sighs.

“...Welp...I was wrong. Come on. Let's get something to eat.”  

Jake stands and heads over to the buffet table, cutting in front of me. Sean stands sharply, putting himself in Jake's path.

“And where do you think you're going?”

“Getting myself another bagel, Sergeant Buzzkill,” Jake growls. “Got a problem with that?”

“Not everyone's gotten a bagel yet. Since you're not big on contributing to the team, the least you could do is wait till everyone else has had a turn.”

“What are you, the breakfast police? Get out of my way.”

Sean doesn't budge. “Sit. Your. Ass. Down.”

“Sean!” I snap. “Did I miss an election where we voted you Supreme Leader? Because I don't know why you think you can tell people what they can and can't do! There are plenty of bagels to go around, so why don't you relax and enjoy yours instead of worrying about everyone else?”

Jake smirks. “Well, look at that. Even Princess is on my side. That's how you know you're wrong.”

Sean frowns at you. “Really, Alodia? I thought you were better than this.” But he steps out of the way. Jake continues towards the buffet table.

“Can I grab you a plate, Princess?”

“Sure, thanks.”

“Forget it!” Sean snarls. “I'm going to go see if I can find a working radion in this place. You wanna help me, be my guest.”

Michelle, Grace, and Aleister go with him as he storms out. A leaden silence settles over the rest of us. I manage to get half my bagel down before my appetite leaves me completely. I stand.

“Everything okay, Allie?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I...just need some air. You finish your breakfast.”

“Yeah. Sure...”

With Murphy at my heels, I head out into the courtyard and stand for awhile, breathing in the air. The smell of saltwater mingles with the scent of the jungle's plantlife. I hug myself, trying to calm the anxious tremors running down my body.

“Alodia!” I turn to see Raj bounding over to me. “Hey, can we talk?”

“...What's up?”

“I'm not gonna mince words. I'm worried about our group. If we keep up this whole feud, we're never gonna get off this island. We need a way to come together. I think I might know how to do it. But I'm gonna need your help.”

I nod. “I'm listening.”

“This is going to sound kind of crazy...but we need to throw a feast.”

“A...feast?”

“Look. My grandmother had this saying: Words make war...but pies make peace.”

For a moment, I can only blink at him. “...Raj, that...is genius!”

He grins at me. “You think so? Most people just stare at me confused when I say it.”

“...How...many times have you been in this situation?”

“Oh, you know. That one time at Chi Sigma Alpha...and in my a capella group...oh, and junior prom...Hoo boy, that was a doozy...” He shakes his head. “Look, the point is, I've actually got a lot of experience bringing folks together. And there's nothing that does the job like good food, strong drinks, and a lot of laughs.”

“I am totally sold. So what's the plan?”

“I'll handle the cooking. I was poking around the kitchen earlier, and there is a lot of good stuff in there.”

“What do you need me for?”

“Come on, Alodia. What's the most important thing for a feast?”

“Uh...friendship? Family? A community coming together in unity and support?”

Raj actually facepalms. “Booze, Alodia! Really, really good booze! I need you to hit up every bar in the resort and make sure tonight's party is stocked!”

“Don't we have a bunch of stuff down here already?”

“Well...” He rubs the back of his head. “We've managed to put a surprisingly large dent in that already. But more importantly, you can't just serve your average pool bar swill at a feast like this. We need the top shelf stuff. The crème de la crème. ...Literally. I'd like a bottle of Creme de la Creme.”

“So, you're sending me on a scavenger hunt of all the bars in the resort to get some special booze for you?”

“I knew I could count on you! Now listen, I've got a few drinks in mind that I wanna make, but I'm going to need some specific ingredients. I'm gonna need that Creme de la Creme, a bottle of McLellyn's Whiskey, and a bottle of Armand de Fleur champagne. You got that.”

“Got it.”

He takes my hand between his large palms and looks earnestly into my eyes. “Good luck, Alodia. The fate of the party is on your shoulders.”

I head back into the hotel, aiming to check the directory on the first floor, when someone sidles up beside me.

“Hey there, buddy!” Zahra's voice is just slightly syrupy. “Heard you were going on a bar crawl.”

I stare at her. “Were...were you eavesdropping on me an Raj?”

“You call it eavesdropping, I call it conveniently overhearing while hiding in a corner. To-may-to, to-mah-to. I'm in.”

“...You are?”

“Look, let's just say I'm a pretty experienced drinker, okay? I've got one hell of a discerning palate. You want this to be some run-of-the-mill frat party beer run? Be my guest. But if you wanna come back with the best of the best, I'm your gal.”

Just then, Craig rounds the corner, appearing in front of us.

“What's this I hear about a beer run?”

“Does anyone on this island not eavesdrop on people?!” I cry.

“Come on, Alodia. You're gonna need someone to carry all those bottles. Someone big and strong...”

“Hey!” Zahra protests. “I called going with Alodia first!”

“Yeah, well, I called it second. And everyone knows first is the worst, second is the best!”

“Who?! Who knows that?!”

I press my fingers to my temples. “I'm sorry, could we back up a moment? ...Are you two just trying to get drunk?”

“Yeeeeeeah, A-dogg! You get it!” Craig holds his fist out for a bump, but Zahra slaps his hand away.

“You really need to learn how to read tone, Craig. And yes. We're just trying to get drunk. It's hot. We're stuck on this island. And we're all probably going to get eaten by a sabertooth tiger. Can you blame us?”

“...Well, I guess when you put it like that...” I sigh. “Okay, fine. You can both tag along.”

Both their expressions shift to something that suggests I've asked them to cross Mount Atropo on a tightrope.

“What?!”

“No, that's...”

They look at each other a moment and then sigh simultaneously.

“Fine,” Zahra mutters. “But I still get the first sip.”

“And I get to drink the most!”

I grin wickedly. “See? You two are getting along already. Seems Raj knows what he's talking about. Now come on. Let's get him what he needs.”

We head through the hotel with Murphy trotting eagerly after us. Remembering the vintage wine we discovered on the first day, I lead us to the ballroom first. I throw open the ornate double doors and suddenly stop short, a strangled scream escaping my lips.  

...The ballroom is gone. On the other side of the doors is a rickety catwalk over a lake of bubbling, blood-colored magma. Smoke and oppressive heat surround me, choke me, encase my body in a suffocating layer of sweat. I can just barely make out the figure of a man on the far end of the catwalk. ...A man wearing an ornately decorated lion mask...

“Wha...who...?”

He looks at me, cocking his head to the side. Then, man, magma, and catwalk dissolve in a blinding white light.

...I'm back in the hotel ballroom with Craig and Zahra. They're both staring at me.

“...What the hell was that?” I ask dazedly.

“What was what?” Zahra asks.

“You okay, Alodia? You just...totally spaced out there for a second...”

“I...I'm fine. Just got lost in my thoughts for a moment, I guess.” I flash them a bright smile. “Let's go find us some alcohol!”

“This doesn't look like a bar...” Craig remarks, eyeing the wedding decorations skeptically.

“Guessing you haven't been to many fancy weddings. Rich couples go all out on nice wine and champagne.”

“Alodia knows what's up. The two of us came here on the first day, and hoo boy did we find the good stuff.”

“Yeah, well, where I'm from, the only thing they serve at weddings is cheap beer and moonshine.”

“I've always wondered,” Zahra says. “Do you actually drink it out of a jug labled XXX, or is that just a stereotype?”

“Okay, stay on target, you two. We're looking for a champagne called Armand de Fleur.”

“Oooo, I've heard of that,” Zahra says. “I'll give Raj credit, boy knows his booze.”

Craig is already poking through the bar fridge. “And we've got a couple bottles right here!” He pulls out a few bottles and tucks them into his backpack.

“Perfect. Next let's check the re--”

“Hold your horses, Alodia,” Zahra cuts in. “It's not a bar crawl unless you're actually drinking.”

“You know, I don't really recall saying this was a bar crawl...”

But Zahra has already popped open a bottle and taken a sip. “Mmmm. Tastes like horrific wealth disparity.”

“Gimme that!” Craig snatches the bottle from her and takes a swig. “Tastes like champagne. What's the big deal?”

“The big deal is that it's one of the finest, most flavorful champagnes in the world!” Zahra shrieks. “You are such a philistine!”

“Racist much? My family's from Taiwan!”

“How about you, Alodia? Gonna drink?”

I sigh and roll my eyes, but I feel a smile playing around my mouth. “Ah, what the hell. Let's do this.”

“That's what I'm talkin' 'bout, y'all!” Craig passes me the bottle, and I tip it towards him in a toast.

“Cheers!” I put it to my lips and take a good, long swallow. Bubbly sweetness rests on my tongue. I detect a hint of pear and an aftertaste of honey. “Ohhhh, wow, that is good...”

“Another! Another!” Craig cheers.

We pass the bottle around for a couple minutes. As I cast my eyes over the ballroom, the world takes a few seconds to catch up with the motion of my head.

“Ooookay, I am definitely feeling that. We should...check the next bar on our list.” I stand carefully, blinking through the mild alcoholic buzz. “Just don't let me drive there.”

Zahra snorts. “Come on. I know where to go next.”

She leads us through the hotel until we come to a thick double door. A sign hangs on the wall nearby. I read it aloud.

“'Club Skullkid'?”

“The hell is this?”

Craig throws open the doors, and reveals a dazzling, high-end nightclub. Soft velour chairs and benches surround gleaming tables, and the whole place glows with multicolored neon lights.

“Oh, whaaaaaaaaaaaat?” Craig cries. “No one told me there was a nightclub here! Why are we not tearing this place down every night?!”

“Because I can think of no worse way to spend my time than listening to crappy EDM while watching your sweaty ass fumble around?” Zahra mutters.

“Pfft. You're just jealous cuz you don't have my moves.”

Craig does what might be intended as a dance...but he looks more like a spastic bunny rabbit. Zahra rolls her eyes and wanders over to the DJ booth. She scoffs.

“What is this, like, retro night? All this equipment is from the mid-90's. Not to mention the music...”

“Come on, guys. The bar's our target. Should have plenty of cocktail supplies.”

Zahra slides over to the bar and starts rummaging through bottles. “Sure does. We've got blackberry liqueur, absinthe, hot chili vodka...”

“We're looking for Creme de la Creme.”

“Yup. Got some of that, too.”

Craig picks up a bottle and reads the label. “ 'A premiere flavored liqueur with hints of chocolate, vanilla, and a dash of cinnamon.' ” He pops open the bottle and takes a chug. “Gah! So...sweet...and...creamy...”

Zahra shrieks in exasperation. “You're supposed to mix a tiny bit of it into a cocktail, you ape, not chug it like cheap beer!”

“Well, where's the warning label, huh?!”

Zahra sighs. “Just give it to me. I'll show you how it's done.” She swings around the bar and starts mixing. I settle onto one of the valour couches to watch. With a flourish, she slides a tall glass of multicolored booze into Craig's beefy hand. He takes a sip.

“Oooooooooooooooh, yeah. That's good.”

“It better be. There's like, six shots in there.”

“There's no way I'm keeping you two sober, is there?”

“Not a chance in hell,” Zahra agrees. “Want one?”

I sigh. “What the hell. You only live once, right?”

“YOLO, baby!” Craig crows. “I've got that tattooed on my butt!”

“We all remember, Craig,” Zahra mutters.

“I don't! I've never seen Craig's butt!” I catch a cocktail as Zahra slides it down the bar to me and take a sip. “Mmm, delicious. And...incredibly strong.”

Zahra offers me a lopsided grin. “Gotta say, Alodia. You're all right.”

“Uh...thanks?” I swallow the rest of my cocktail in three gulps. “Come on. We've still gotta get that...the whiskey.”

“Sure thing,” Craig says, giving me a thumbs up. “After I finish this cocktail. And the one after that.”

It takes us an hour to get out of the nightclub. Partially because we keep drinking awhile, but mostly because the floor has started to become tippy under my feet. Craig's backpack bulges with clinking bottles.

“Hey, guys? Is one of the island's mysteries that everything is spinning? Or is that just me?”

“Nyah! Craig's drunk!” Zahra drawls. “He's as drunk as a drunk guy who's always drunk and is like, 'Hey! Look at me! I'm drunk!'”

I snort, dissolving into giggles. She blinks at me.

“Um...I'm pretty drunk, too, aren't I.”

I nod, still giggling. “You guys...you guys are...yeah...this was...yeeeeeeeeeeeah. I'm not wordsing good...”

Craig slings an arm over my shoulders. “Alodia's feelin' it, Zahra. Gotta looove this woman!”

I shake my head and give the world a few seconds to catch up. “...I think we'veit ev'ry bar in the rzzort. And we got a lot of alcohol. But we never did fin' that McLellyn's whiskey.”

“Well,” Zahra says. “There is one more bar.”

“There is?”

“Saw it when I washgoin' ov'r the blueprints. Somethin' called the V.I.P. Lounge.”

“V.I.P Lounge?” Craig says. “I didn't see anything about that in the brochure...”

“That's cuz you're not a V.I.P., Dummy. Unless it stands for Vomiting...Idiot...Poo-head...”

He snorts. “Sick burn, Z. Really got me with that one.”

“Juss shut up and follow me.”

She leads us through the halls until we come to a locked door with a keypad in the handle. Zahra scoffs.

“Simple one-source keypad authentication? It's like they want me to break in...”

“Are you sure that's a good idea?”

“Saaaaauuuce,” Craig drawls. “It's the V.I.P. Lounge. You know they've got the best shizz in there.”

“The drunker you get, Craiggers, the more you sound like your old self. Remember that time freshman year when you...when we...” Zahra trails off, frowning. “...nevermind.”

“Less just get inside,” I mutter.

“Yeeeeeeeeah!” Craig yells. “Let's. Break! This! Door! Down!” He rams the door with his massive shoulder, but it stays put. Zahra rolls her eyes.

“You never learn, do you, big guy?” She pries open the keypad panel, examining the wires. “Alodia, keep Craig busy. I gotta work my magic.”

“Are you sure you oughta be doing that drunk?”

“Meh, what's the worst that could happen? I trip the wrong wire and 10000 volts of electricity surge through my body, leaving you idiots screaming at the charred husk that is my corpse?”

“...Craig, is she kidding? I can't tell if she's kidding.”

“I can never tell with her,” Craig says resignedly.

Zahra squints, focusing on the wires. A single drop of sweat trickles down her forehead as she mutters to herself.

“Okay...red to green...watch the breaker...careful...careful...aaaand...” There is a spark, and the doors slide open. “Aw, yeah! Slap my ass and call me Snape, 'cause I just worked some magic!”

My drunk brain won't let me hold a straight face. I break down in a fit of ungraceful giggles. Zahra glares at me.

“Tell anyone I said that, I will kill you both.”

I bite my cheek and nod, but I can still feel the smile tugging at my mouth.

The V.I.P Lounge lives up to its name. From the guilded marble fountain at the center of the room to the fancy gold curtains to the LCD screens and the glass case behind the bar that displays top-shelf alcohol.

I whistle, going to sit down on one of the couches. Murphy hops up beside me and settles onto my lap. “Good call, Zahra. This was totally worth it.”

“Uh, duh! Let's see what's this places got!” She steps towards the bar, but ends tripping over a chair and sprawling onto a couch. “On second thought...Imma juss lie here for a li'l while. If someone could just pour a drink into my mouth, that'd be swell...”

Craig makes it over to the bar. “Lessee what they got here. Some nice-ass vodka...like a crystal ball full of gin...and down in the fridge...” He lets out a whoop. “A cheese tray! Oh hells yeah, they've got a cheese tray!”

“Wait, Craig, you don't know how old it is. Maybe you should--” I stop when I hear him gulping noisily. “...Never mind.”

“Mmm...colby-jack.”

“Don't bother, Alodia. Craig's a human garbage disposal. One time freshman year, he ate a candy bar he'd dropped in a public hot tub.”

“The water's hot!” Craig retorts. “That means it's sterile!”

Zahra balks, sputtering for a moment. “Who taught you science?!” she finally shrieks.

“So...you guys knew each other freshman year?”

Instantly, there is a palpable shift in the mood in the room. Zahra and Craig glance uneasily at each other.

“We...uh...well...you know...”

“I mean...there was...”

I look between the two of them, putting two and two together.

“Wait...were you two a couple?”

“What?!” Craig yelps. “No! No no no! Definitely not! What a crazy thing to say!”

Zahra rolls her eyes. “Oh my god, Craig. Don't have a hernia. Yeah, we hooked up a few times. What's the big deal?”

“I thought you didn't want anyone to know.”

“Yeah, well, maybe sometimes I just don't have the energy to lie about it.”

“Huh. I gotta admit, I have a hard time picturing you two together.”

“Yeah, well,” Zahra sighs, “we were different people back then, just two dorky freshmen with no idea what to do...stuck in the same hall...”

Craig sits down next to Zahra, handing her a scotch on the rocks. They tap their glasses together.

“You had that long blonde ponytail, remember? And you always wore that nerdy pony sweater.”

“Yeah, well, you were a total dork. You had glasses and a bowlcut and all you ever talked about was World of Warcraft...”

“Please! Like you didn't totally make a character just to we could raid Scholomance together.”

“...I forgot all about that,” Zahra admits softly. “We wasted so many hours together...”

“Yeah...”

She scowls. “But then your stupid football team started winning, and you and Sean became kings of the school. And all you wanted to do was go to frat parties with perky little cheerleaders.”

“You coulda come with me, you know,” Craig says sullenly. “But no. You just wanted to hang out with those creepy hackers in the CS department.”

“At least they listened to me. They got what I had to say.” She sighs deeply. “...You think our Warcraft characters still exist? Just waiting around on some dusty server, remembering the good times?”

“They're probably pretty lonely.”

They sit in silence for a long time. I curl up on a couch and watch their faces until Zahra stands up and scrubs at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Sun's setting,” she mutters. “We should probably get back to Raj.”

“Yeah,” Craig agrees, getting to his feet. “Time to go.”

I stand as well. “Hang on a sec. Let's see if we can find that whiskey Raj wanted.” I make my way over to the shelf, scanning the labels. “Here it is. McLellyn's.”

I grab a couple of bottles and stuff them into Craig's backpack. I am zipping it up when something catches my eye.

“Huh...that's weird...”

“What's up?”

I pick up a half-full glass of whiskey sitting on the bar on top of a small paper napkin.

“Everything else is neatly put away. What's this doing here? It's like someone was here after the bar closed. Just...having a drink by themselves.” I take an experimental sip. “...Unless this is incredibly weak whiskey, it was on the rocks...but the rocks melted.”

Murphy, sitting on one of the stools, puts his paws up on the bar, raises his hackles, and growls at the glass.

“Spooky!” Zahra drawls. “Maybe it was a ghoooooooooost!”

“There's something written on a piece of paper here...” I pick it up and squint at it. “ 'Project Hermes activation codes. Utilizes satellite uplink at the L.H.O.'...And then a bunch of random numbers and letters. Anyone know what this means?”

“No idea. Now come on. Let's get out of here before it gets sentimental in here again.”

I snort. “Yeah. I thought Diego was a sappy drunk.”

I split off from Zahra and Craig and make my way to the kitchen, Craig's backpack on my shoulders. The heavy bottles clink loudly as I walk. As soon as I enter the kitchen, I am nearly overwhelmed by a dozen intoxicating smells. I inhale deeply.

“Oh, my God! Raj, it smells delicious! What are you making here?”

Raj pops up from behind the counter, wiping his hands on his apron.

“There's kahlua pork on the grill, fries in the fryer, oysters are ready to go, and the samosas are stuffed and spiced.”

Murphy yips excitedly and scampers around the kitchen, greedily licking scraps off the floor.

“Slow down, fella. You don't want to get sick before the feast! Here.” I hold out the bag to Raj. “Your booze, oh master chef.”

Raj comes to take the bag. “Tell me you got the good stuff.” He opens the bag and looks through its contents. “All right, Alodia! You got everything!”

“I take my job as booze brigadier very seriously.”

“I knew I was right to count on you!” He sniffs the air curiously, leaning forward. He grins. “You sample the goods on your way back?”

“Not on the way back,” I say with a syrupy grin. “But I might've had a sip. Or two. Or three. ...Looks like you've got things handled down here, though.”

“Well, I had some help.”

He nods at a spot behind me. I look over my shoulder and see Quinn vigorously stirring something in a bowl.

“Quinn!”

“Yeah. She offered to help. She's an amazing cook.”

“Nah, I've just been following instructions. This feast is all Raj.”

Raj grins. “Aw, thanks. Now, I'm going to work on the set-up out by the pool. Everything's on a timer, so don't worry about a thing, Quinn. You just keep on with what you're doing, and I'll be back in a bit.”

He starts to leave, then pauses by the door. “Hey...Alodia. You're keeping track of all the crazy stuff on this island, aren't you?”

“Uh...kinda, I guess...”

“Maybe this isn't a big deal, but I did find one weird thing in the kitchen.” He holds out a frying pan. “All the other frying pans are normal. But this one had a...symbol on it...”

I take the pan and examine the symbol etched into the bottom. My stomach does a flip-flop. Still heady from my multiple cocktails, I can't be sure...but I think I've seen it before. Crude archery arrows with a couple extra legs...

“I don't know why,” Raj says, “But something about that symbol...it really stands out to me. Feels important for some weird reason. Like it's calling out to me. ...I sound crazy, don't I?”

“Yeah...” I admit. “But everything about this island is crazy.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and snap a quick picture.

Raj chuckles. “Touche. You see anything else like that, you'll let me know?”

“Sure thing.”

He heads out. I slip my phone back in my pocket and turn to Quinn.

“How's it going here?”

“Great! I'm working on dessert now.” She gestures in front of her, to the trays of fluffy cupcakes lining the countertop. “Wanna stick around and help? I could always use an extra pair of hands.”

“Count me in!” I say eagerly. “Though...I should warn you, I'm a little drunk.”

She giggles. “I don't need you sober to frost cupcakes.”

She smiles sweetly at me, blue eyes sparkling. Her cheeks are high with color from the heat in the kitchen. For a moment, I can only look back with what feels like a very goofy smile on my face. She tips her head at me.

“Just gonna stand there staring?” She pats the counter beside her. “Come around to my side.”

I don't hesitate to do as she tells me. I look over the trays of cupcakes, trying to count them, and giving up at twenty.

“Think we've got enough?”

“Well, at this rate, we've got four apiece.”

I shake my head with a grin. “Except I'm a six-cupcake kinda gal.”

She laughs. “Well, I've always said there are only two certain truths in this world. We're all gonna die, and you can never have too many cupcakes.”

“Kind of a good-news, bad news kind of scenario, huh?”

“Exactly. Well, I've got enough batter for another dozen or so. But in the meantime, it's time for the most important part of baking any cupcakes.”

“The eating?”

“...Okay, the second most important part. The frosting! What do you think we should go with?”

“Vanilla. No question.”

“Oh, interesting. I never pegged you for the traditional type.”

“What can I say? I like my burgers warm, my drinks cold, and my cupcakes vanilla.”

“Well, you're in luck. This place has the fanciest, creamiest, most incredible vanilla frosting I've ever tasted.”

She opens the cabinet and takes out two jars of frosting. The two of us get to work, using rubber spatulas to smooth the soft white frosting over the rounded tops of the cupcakes. Quinn applies the frosting with a practiced hand, creating elegant mounds.

“You bake a lot?”

“I used to when I was younger. My mom and I were home a lot, so we used to spend the whole day in the kitchen, whipping up pies and souffles and gigantic trays of cupcakes.” She smiles down at the cupcake she's frosting. “My dad would come home from work, and he'd pretend like he was so flustered every time. 'Darn it, you two! Where's my steak and potatoes! A man can't live on cupcakes alone!' ...Then when we weren't looking, he'd stuff himself silly.”

“Sounds like you had a pretty great childhood.”

“...Yeah...parts of it were...”

I apply the last stroke to my half of the cupcake pile and turn to her with a grin. “So...does the Frosting Assistant get a free sample?”

“Only because you were so cute when you asked.”

She hands me the cupcake she has just finished. I take a large bite. Fluffy sweetness fills my senses. The frosting melts across my tongue, blending with the soft, warm cake into a mush that is just sweet enough without being overpowering. I push the mush against the roof of my mouth with my tongue, savoring it before it dissolves and slides down my throat.

“That...might just be the best cupcake I've ever eaten.”

“Might be? Oh, no. That was definitely the best cupcake you've ever eaten.”

I laugh. “Okay, okay. If we had internet here, I would totally write Quinn's Cupcakes a five-star review.”

“When I was a kid, I dreamed of opening my own bakery. It was going to be called For Goodness Cake, and we'd serve nothing but cupcakes.”

“And would you personally bake every single one?”

“For you? Absolutely.” She turns to me with a smile. “Thank you for helping, Alodia. This was fun.”

Her smile makes me feel dreamy. “...Yeah...yeah, it was.”

Our eyes lock. For a moment, a delicate silence hangs over us. ...I realize what's about to happen only seconds before it does. I capture her open lips with mine, tracing the inside of her mouth with my vanilla-coated tongue. She winds her arms around me, slipping her hands under my shirt. I press forward, sliding her up onto the counter. My hand creeps under her shirt, drifting up to cup her breast. She moans softly against my mouth and I feel her legs wrap around me, pulling my hips against hers. I bite her lower lip gently, then let my mouth journey down her neck towards her collarbone. She arches her head back, grinding her hips against me.

“Oh, God...Alodia...”

“...Quinn...”

We're moving faster now as the hunger takes us. She tugs off my shirt and reaches under my bra to grip my breast. I unbotton her blouse and pull it open. Her mouth meets mine again. I slip the button of her shorts out of the buttonhole and tug down the zipper.

“What if someone sees us?” I murmur against her lips. Even as I ask the question, I'm slipping my hand into her shorts.

“I don't care,” she answers, gasping as my hand starts to move against her pubis. Her hips rise. “Oh, god...don't stop...”

“Not a chance in hell.” I move faster, grinning as she moans with pleasure.

There's a bang as the door swings open and Raj sweeps back in.

“Hey, guys. Just wanted to see how it was--” He cuts himself off with a yelp when he sees us. “Oh! Oh God! I didn't realize you two were...I didn't mean to...sorry!”

He turns and flees, leaving me and Quinn frozen.

From just outside, we hear Raj call, “I know you're supposed to cook with love, but I don't think they meant it so literally!”

Quinn and I lock eyes and dissolve into giggles. I ease my hand out of her shorts and help her off the counter.

“Oh, god...did you see his face?”

“I've never seen him so flustered!” She collapses against me, weak with laughter.

“We...should probably catch up with him...see if he needs any help with the party...”

“Yeah...we should...” She slides one hand down the back of my jeans and cups my buttock. “...in a few minutes...”

I grin, running my hands along her ribs. That's when I catch sight of the long, pale scar running the length of the right side of her torso. I pause for a moment, trailing my fingers along it.

When she realizes what I'm touching, she pulls back slightly, averting her eyes. “...Oh...that...it's weird, huh?”

I grin wryly. “No weirder than the ones I'm gonna have,” I say, touching the bandage over the claw wounds on my own ribs. “...How did you get it?”

“Surgery. I was in the hospital a lot growing up. But I'm better than ever now.”

Still, she tugs her blouse closed, hastily doing up the buttons.

“It's nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Oh, I'm not embarrassed. Actually, I kinda like it. It reminds me how, no matter what, I'm not going to let anything stop me from living my life.”

I smile at her. “...It's beautiful, Quinn. Really, it is.”

“...You're beautiful, Alodia. ...Should we go catch up with Raj? Or...?” Her eyes twinkle mischeivously. She slips one button back open.

I can still feel desire swirling in my belly, still feel fluttering between my legs. But another desire is overpowering it. I pull her into my arms, cradling her head against my shoulder.

“...Let's stay like this. Just for a few minutes.”

***

As evening falls, Raj calls us all out to the pool. A party playlists blasts out of the speakers, and tiki torches set up around the pool flicker with a beautiful ambient light. Two long tables have been pushed together and draped with a floral-printed oil tablecloth. And the length of the table is filled with a magnificant feast. I can smell sizzling roast pork, savory sauces, juicy fruits, and sweet desserts.

“Holy crap!” I cry. “I thought it smelled good in the kitchen!”

Diego laughs. “Allie, you're drooling.”

“Can I eat it all now? Please?”

Raj bounds over to us, grinning like a maniac. “I can't throw a ball or fly a plane, but you'd better believe I can cook a mean feast.”

I put my hands on his shoulders. “Eat. Now. Please.”

“Have a seat, everyone, and dig in.”

Diego and I make our way to the table, where most everyone is already seated. I slide into a seat beside Grace. I glance around the table, and my heart sinks a little as I realize that except for Diego and I, the table is still split with Jake's group on one side and Sean's on the other. Still, as we start in on the feast, tensions on our end of the table start to thaw.

“Ohhhh, goodness,” Grace sighs happily. “These coconut shrimp are divine.”

“You should try the pork,” Michelle says. “Raj really outdid himself.”

I murmur my agreement around a mouthful of cinnamon-dusted Caribbean fruit salad. I glance down at the other end of the table, where Sean and Jake sit across from each other. It seems that the closer it gets to that end of the table, the more tension remains.

“Pass the fries,” Sean demands.

“Grab 'em yourself,” Jake shoots back.

I look around for Raj, hoping he didn't hear that. But I don't see him. Then suddenly, he reappears, pushing a cart filled with drinks in a variety of glasses. As he makes his way around the table, placing one in front of each of us, I realize that no two people have been given the same drink. In front of me is something red in a champagne flute, topped with cherries and blackberries. Diego has something dark in a sugared martini glass.

Aleister eyes the greenish substance in his brandy glass warily. “Dare I ask what is happening here?”

“I have brought every single person a signature drink!” Raj replies. “One that I think is right for just them. Alodia found all the ingredients.”

“With a little help from some friends,” Zahra adds.

“Can we drink now?” Craig asks. “I wanna drink!”

“Dude, how?” Zahra groans. “It's taking every ounce of willpower I have not to yuke on the floor.”

“We can drink in a sec,” Raj promises. “But first, let me make a toast. Right now, we're sitting at this table, and every single one of us is holding a completely different drink. That's not just because I like mixing up cocktails. It's also a pretty good metaphor. When you look at us from a distance, we all look pretty different. And on the surface, we are. Jocks and nerds, hackers and bullies...well, you'd think none of us have anything in common.”

“...Who's the bully?” Craig asks.

Raj ignores him. “But that's just the surface, just the glass. Because deep inside, these drinks all have a lot in common. They're delicious. They're full of alcohol. And they were all made for one important purpose: to bring us together again.

“We all want to get off this island. We all want to get back to our homes, our families, our lives. But we're never going to accomplish that unless we can overcome our superficial difference and work together as a group. The fact is, everyone here has a role to play. Some of us are natural leaders, confident and assertive. Others are rebels, who test boundaries and find new solutions. Some of us are quiet, studying the way the world works. Others are loud and strong and they keep us all safe. And some of us...well, some of us are insanely cute blue foxes with crazy ice powers.”

Murphy trills happily from my lap. I hold up a piece of pork for him, which he eagerly snaps up.

“If we keep fighting,” Raj continues, “if we keep focusing on our differences, we're going to tear each other apart. But if we come together, if we focus on what we have in common, we can figure this mystery out. We can get off this island. And we can go home with a memory of the most amazing adventure of our lives. So what do you guys say? Can we come together for a toast?”

The table is quiet for a moment. Then, Sean raises his glass towards Jake.

“...To coming together.”

Jake is still for a moment. Then, he raises his own glass and taps it against Sean's.

“...To getting back home.”

I raise my own glass. “To Raj!”

He grins at me. “Aww, thanks, Alodia.”

All together, we raise our glasses and drink.

“Thank you for putting this together, Raj,” Sean says. “We needed it.”

“Yeah,” Jake agrees. “This...this was nice.”

At last, all the tension that has gripped our group since last night finally dissolves. We're as lighthearted and jovial as on that first morning, sharing stories and telling jokes. Soon, we begin discussing the events of the day.

“So, Shooter, any luck radioing for help?”

“Not so much,” Sean admits. “Every radio signal I try just brings back static. It's like we're trapped in some kind of communication bubble.”

“It's clear this island is cut off from traditional communication channels. We'd need something more sophisticated.”

“Grace and I believe a satellite uplink could be a strong enough signal to get through the interference,” Aleister says.

“Wait...did you say a satellite uplink?” I ask. “I saw a note about that earlier today in the V.I.P. Lounge. It said there was a satellite uplink at some place called the L.H.O.”

“L.H.O...” Lila repeats thoughtfully. Then, she gasps. “The La Huerta Observatory! That does make sense. The Observatory is a state-of-the-art facility, with direct contact to Mr. Rourke's satellite relay. ...But we still don't know where the observatory is...”

“Uh...” Jake puts up a hand. “Would this be a good time to mention that when I was jet-skiing yesterday, I saw a big domed building with a giant telescope? Maybe seven miles north of here, up high on the slopes of the volcano.”

Stunned silence descends over the table. Diego finally breaks it.

“...I think we just figured out what we need to do next.”

***

The mood shifts after we realize our next move. But though the festive atmosphere dies down, the determination and purpose in the group now is invigorating. We all agree to get some rest and regroup in the morning to come up with a plan. Before going to bed, I help Raj wrap up the leftovers and put them into the fridge. Yawning, he suggests we leave the dishes until morning, but once he's gone, I start loading the dishes into the kitchen's three industrial dishwashers. Murphy finds a dry corner of the kitchen to curl up in and take a nap.

“Hey. Need a hand?”

I look up and find Sean standing in the door of the kitchen, smiling at me. I smile back.

“Wouldn't say no.”

He comes over and picks up a plate, using the knife and fork to scrape the remains into the garbage disposal.

“Seems like this could have waited until morning. You must be exhausted.”

I shrug. “I can't leave dirty dishes in the sink. It's like a pathological condition. Just ask Diego what I nightmare I am about dishes in our apartment. I can leave dirty dishes in the dishwasher, but if there are any in the sink, then I am probably seriously ill.”

He laughs. “Duly noted. If I ever visit your apartment and find dirty dishes in the sink, I'll call an ambulance.”

I snort, rinsing out a bowl before tucking it into the dishwasher. Sean is quiet for a moment.

“...Listen, Alodia...I'm sorry about what I said earlier.”

“...What did you say earlier?”

“At breakfast. When you told me to let Jake get a bagel and I said I thought you were better than that. I'm sorry for that. And all it implied.”

“...Oh. Well, I accept you're apology. But I was never really angry about that.”

“No...I kinda gathered you were angry with me before you accused me of acting like I was elected Supreme Leader.”

“That...might have been a little harsh of me.”

“Well, I was probably overreacting. ...Something about Jake seems to put my teeth on edge.”

“You have been pretty hard on him. ...And by extension, anyone who associated with him. That's why I was angry with you. You may have been directing your anger at Jake yesterday, but you were implicity yelling at my best friend, too.”  

“...And mine.”

“Well, Craig might have deserved it,” I admit. “But Diego didn't, all right? And neither did Quinn, or Jake for that matter. Quinn almost drowned before we got out of that shelter. Would you really fault her for wanting to relax and forget for a little while?”

“I suppose not...”

“And for all you accuse him of lying around and not helping, I don't think any of us would have left that shelter alive if not for Jake.”

“...Alodia...”

“I know he comes across all gruff and misanthropic, but I think there is more to Jake than you give him credit for.”

“What makes you say that?”

I pause for a moment, considering the question. Finally, I shrug. “People are complicated, Sean. There is more to most people than what meets the eye. Look...I've known a lot of people who put up fronts. Goofy fronts, grumpy fronts, even kind fronts. ...Or brave, noble fronts. First impressions are rarely the whole truth of a person.”

Sean is silent for a long moment. “...So...what's your story, Alodia?”

“...My story?”

“...I've seen you on campus, you know. I've noticed you.”

“...You have?”

“Yeah. ...I remember when I first saw you. Last fall, third game of the season. I was warming up on the field, and you were with the dance team, setting up a table on the sidelines.”

“Right...the dance team decided to sell bratwurst at the football games last fall as a fundraiser.”

“Yeah. ...And you were showing off some pretty impressive moves. I remember wondering why you weren't in a cheerleading uniform.”

I make a face. “Because all I would be doing then is cheering on the football team on the sidelines. I'd rather be center stage or competing myself.”

He chuckles. “Hey, no disrespect. You probably deserve to be center stage.”

“...So...you actually noticed me?”

“Yeah. ...And then I realized you were in my European history class.”

“Well, I am a history major.”

“I know. ...Alodia Chandler. History major, member of the dance team, and best friend of one Diego Ortiz Soto.”

“Those are my basic stats, yes.”

“Yeah, that's what I could find out by casually asking around.”

“...I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't really know who you were before this trip...”

“Hey, I'm not mad or hurt. ...A little impressed, I admit...”

“...Yeah. I've since managed to gather that you're the star of the school. I...guess I didn't really have much reason to notice the football players...”

“So, who do you tend to notice?”

“Um...I don't know...people who put themselves in front of me, I guess.” I shrug. “...That probably makes me sound pretty self-centered, but...my world is pretty small. I don't actively push people away or anything, and people seem to like me. But getting close to me takes time. ...The easiest way to make friends with me is to get thrown in a metaphorical jar with me and shaken up.”

“Sounds like an easy way to become your enemy, too.”

“Well, yeah.” I waggle my eyebrows at him. “That's a risk you take if you decide to throw yourself into my jar.”

“Well...at least it sounds like getting stuck on this island might work to my advantage in one way. If I actually have an opportunity to get a little closer to you.” At my startled glance, he seems to realize what he just said. He clears his throat. “I mean...get to know you better.”

“Yeah...”

He is silent for a long moment.

“...Maybe that's why I got so worked up over Jake.”

“What's why?”

“Jealousy. I see now he's put himself in front of you. Got himself noticed. Guiding you through the shelter...saving you from the exploding plane...basically being your hero...”

“Does that idea appeal to you? Because frankly, I'm not hoping to meet another sabertooth tiger or exploding plane...”

“No, Alodia. I'm not wishing any danger on you. That's the last thing I want.”

“...You don't have to save me from anything to get yourself noticed. I'm noticing you now.”

He grins. “As I save you from mental strife at the thought of a sink full of dirty dishes.”

“Okay, I admit that's pretty heroic.”

“...Alodia...when all this is over...when we get home...I'd like to see about taking you out sometime.”

It's my turn to be silent for awhile. I think of Quinn and our escapades in the kitchen, though somehow they aren’t enough to make me turn him down on the spot. I have to admit I am surprised to think he might be jealous of Jake. I can’t deny that the pilot is attractive, of course. And I suppose he and I do seem to be on the same page most of the time, but I would chalk that up to us having similar personalities more than anything. On the other hand, Diego seems to think Jake is into me, and he isn’t often wrong about that sort of thing... 

“...We'll see, okay, Sean?” I say at last. “...I know it wasn't that long ago that you and Michelle broke up.”

“...True...”

“And in the meantime, we've got to think about getting off this island. But...when this is all over, and we're back home...” I smile at him. “I'm guessing I won't mind if you take me out sometime.”

* * *

We finish the dishes and ride the elevator together up to the penthouse floor. We say goodnight and head into our rooms. Murphy follows at my heels, immediately jumping up onto my bed. Between the food, drinks, and the dizzying conversation with Sean over the dishes, I am surprised by my ability to shower, put on pajamas, and brush my teeth. But there is one more thing that I still manage to do before dropping off.

I pull out my phone and load up the picture I took of the frying pan Raj showed me. Then I pull out the dossiers I had hidden under my mattress. When I look at Raj's page, my heart begins to pound.

...The sigal stamped on his page is the same that was on the frying pan.

I turn my eyes towards the window. Suddenly, I feel exposed. Vulnerable. I leap out of bed and yank the curtains closed, but the feeling does not subside. Somehow, I feel certain that someone or something is out there, watching me.

[teddy-feathers]

Mom said once "I hope you feel better tomorrow" and I got upset I think because honestly this isn't going away. Ever. I just get to live with this the rest of my life and at the time I was really upset.

I think it was because I was scared that there was never going to be a better tomorrow.

But just because I'm not going to get better doesn't mean I'm not going to be able to cope with it all better. That I won't learn to take care of myself in a way that makes my tomorrows better.

And yeah there's going to be shit days. Hell even some of my best days can be pretty shitty.

And no I'm not going to be okay.

And lord knows I'm sorry you have to deal with me on shit days...

But I also... My shit days are still me. And while I'm also hoping for a better tomorrow, that I'm coping better then wont change that I'm still me at my worse.

I'm hoping for better tomorrows but I'm also trying to learn and force not only myself but the world around me to accept and realize that I still am me and you still have to meet me at my level when I'm not okay.

It's exhausting and practically impossible for me to hold myself to the standards I used to try for - that even when I'm not okay I'm okay, that I still can push myself to comform to how I "should" be.

I'm not hoping for a better tomorrow to cut out the parts of me I dont like anymore, to suddenly get a handle on shit and be able to just not have shit days.

I'm hoping for a better tomorrow where I allow myself to exist as I am. Where other's do too.

And again yeah maybe I'll learn some neat tricks that'll let me turn thirty spoons for a week into fifty or stop me from loosing all the spoons and struggling to find the god blessed drawer or whatever metaphor you prefer, but this is me.

It doesn't stop being me because I'm having a shit day. Doesn't stop being me because I desperately dont want to exsit and I indulge in wallowing in thst feeling, doesn't stop being me because I'm difficult at the time or its inconvenient for myself or some one else that I'm not okay.

My being exceedingly problematic doesn't mean I have to sequester myself away until it passes just so its not uncomfortable for other people.

Depressed!Me and Anxious!Me don't get turned into Functioning!Me and suddenly forget that underneath all the finery I'm still a pumpkin - that I'm NOT avpd!Me just because today is a better day.

And just because you can make pumpkin pie doesn't mean you have to or that ...

Any ways I lost track of my thought

I think...

People try to tell you dont let your whatever define you. The thing is is that it comes across as "even though you are this thing, you dont have to be" which isnt true. You ARE that thing. Youre so much more sure but ignoring that and pretending that the "good" is all thats there is denying a very real part of you that is STILL THERE even on the best days or the ones where it doesn't effect you.

"You can get better - dont be anti recovery - it isnt healthy to - " some things dont get better and thats honestly okay...

Or it should be.

I mean. I have brown hair. My coloring it doesn't change that its brown. My trying all the tricks in the book might not stop it from growing no matter what I do to eradicate it or stoping the fact that its a real part of me. My choosing not to color it doesn't make it less brown, my not fighting it and accepting that I'll always be hairy doesnt make me

Look

Just look okay?

Knowing what is wrong with me and saying yeah this is my problem it defines me

isnt necessarily a problem like everyone seems to want to make it out to be

So MUCH of my life makes sense, my desicions and actions and feelings

Like if i went out and got an eval that said "im a quiet person" and yall said "dont let that define you! You can be loud and talkitive!" Like yeah sure allow me to just rewrite myself to please you. Allow me to just make myself feel like shit for being soft spoken and force myself to fight it instead of making it work for me or learning to work around it.

And who knows maybe youre write. Maybe if i work at it someday ill have out grown my problems. Great. It definitely wont be because I tried every thing in the book to make the problem go away.

Hell who knows maybe im full of shit or this only applies to me but

The problem isnt the problem its our attitudes about the problem.

On a personal level

On a social and societal level

Like fucking hell let people have problems

Let people deal with those problems

People ARE more then their problems but whenever someone tells me - regaurdless of what is meant - to not define myself by my problems all I see is "your slip is showing tuck it back in"

Like dude we have so many lables to try and define and explain and communicate who we are.

The problem isnt that im happily waving around "problem flag number 5" its that you dont want that to be part of the main show when damn if it dont kinda carry the plot.

Its a fundamental part of who i am and NONE of my life made any sense before it was pointed out.

"Why didnt you, why did you, what do you mean you dont know how csn you not know?!?"

Dude its because Im avpd.

Oh teddy ran away from home and lived on campus and ate out of a trash can for a week or two

Or teddy didnt tell anyone she didnt want to do this if she had just said something

Oh teddy why dont you want to go back to school i dont want you to waste your fine mind

Teddy learn from our mistakes, ask for help, use our experience!

Teddy youre not stupid so why are you acting like it

Just seriously there is so.much in my life where I and every one around me was going "why are you doing that you dont even want to be doing that it DOESNT make any sense"

And i was left floundering to explain things I couldnt explain.

A good 80% if not more of my life is because of or directly related to my problem.

I am defined by it - hell I am who I am because of it.

And yeah I'm hoping for a better tomorrow but like i said its still going to be a huge chunk of who i am.

Maybe its like cowardice. If you're brave you gotta admit you were afraid. The more bravery it took to do something the bigger coward you really are. We all want to be a brave dude but we pretend like a brave dude aint just a coward who ran screaming despite himself towards the thing he didnt want to do.

"Youre not a coward, don't let fear define you!" Dude I'm the biggest fucking coward and even if tommorrow I walk through the valley of the shadow of death with a song on my lips that wont change the fact I AM a coward.

Also I dont have to define my successes by anyone elses standards.

Maybe my act of bravery today was not brushing my hair, not finding my name badge, not wearing my work boots. I mean yeah most days i manage the mage those things but TODAY it was a trial to go to work - in fact i was 20 mins late.

And hell if i loose my job again? Do you get to say im letting my problems get the best of me? Fuck no. You dont get to say shit.

I get to say i have my problems i cant deal with this. I wont deal with this.

Im not letting it define me, im accepting my own limitations and no longer killing myself trying to pretend that there's a cheat code to get around them.

Just whatever. Too long a rant and my phones dying. Love you.

[babylon-bitch]

Just Friends ~ I Passed Motherfuckers (part 34)

A/N: Sorry it’s out so late, ive been working on a Calum imagine, which should be out sometime this weekend

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she  friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

Warnings: language and some fluff

***

It’s been 2 months and things are finally getting back on track, some things have changed but for the better. Erika hasn’t put a lable on what she is, but has got a partner of the same gender. She said that she probably won’t put a lable on what she is, she’ll just say that she’s into girls. Can’t fault her on that, right?

Erika’s girlfriend is called Maddie, she is really nice, really pretty, and is gay. We’ve accepted her into our friendship group, the first person in 2 or 3 years. Everyone gets along with her well, she can play bass guitar so Calum and Maddie bonded over that, which made them become close quite quickly. I really like her, she is really caring towards Erika, we get along well. Maddie doesn’t go to our school, she goes to the one on the other side of town. She’s also the youngest out of all of us, turning 18 in October.

I’ve been having therapy sessions twice a week, one of the best in the city, really expensive but totally worth it. My therapist is called Dr Yasmina, really weird, short, Asian woman, but she has really helped me. The building is quite close to boulevard view, so I often go there on my way there or on my way back. Which has caused me to create some really happy music, and I’m really proud of the songs I’ve made.

Luke and I are stronger than ever, it’s going great between us, I’m still deeply in love with him, hopefully he feels the same way. I wrote a song called Not Over You, it’s a really cute song about us, I really like it.

I take my driving test in a couple of weeks and I’m taking my theory test today. I’m quite nervous about it, everyone has told me that I’ll do well at it, but my anxiety levels are high.  

I bought a car, it’s a Tesla model s, and it’s a fucking great car. The boy’s jaws dropped when I showed them, and the people who can drive, dived for the keys when I threw them at them.

We’re all at Luke’s house, I’m sitting on Luke’s lap, Erika and Maddie are cuddling together, stealing kisses every now and then, the other boys are either on the floor or on the other sofas.

“When is your test?” Maddie asks.

“An hour from now.” I sigh.

“You’ll do great.” Luke smiles.

“I hope.” I chuckle.

“You should reward yourself when you pass your driving test.” Ashton suggests.

“With what?” Calum asks.

“An orgasm, because Luke is bad at doing that.” Michael laughs.

“Dude, what the fuck? I’ve always succeeded at that. Right Harp?” Luke asks the last part nervously.

“Of course, you’re very talented. Suck on that, Clifford.” I smirk.

“Thanks babe.” Luke grins and kisses my cheek.

“But seriously what are you gonna do?” Ashton asks.

I think for ideas but nothing comes to mind, until a certain long over due one comes into mind.

“Why don’t we all go on holiday together?” I suggest.

“Yes! Bora Bora or the Maldives.” Erika chimes in.

“Oh my God, yes, let’s totally do this.” I start to get excited.

“Babygirl, you’ve got school.” Luke reminds us as he pushes my hair over my shoulder.

“Wow, Hemmings ruining the fun.” Maddie laughs.

“Just thinking realistically.” He shrugs.

“I’m pretty sure we have half term soon. I don’t even take my drivers test for a month and a bit.” I tell them.

“That’s true.” Michael nods.

“How come I didn’t get any of this when I learnt how to drive?” Erika asks with a pout.

“Because you’re not as important as Harper.” Ashton mocks Erika pout.

“Well we should go on holiday together soon. We haven’t done that in ages, plus this time we’ll be on our own, without any parents.” Calum says.

“Harper and Luke go on holiday together all the time.” Ashton groans.

“And what? It’s fun.” I say.

“What was your favourite?” Luke asks.

“Dubai is probably up there and so is Greece, they’ve all been great to be honest.” “What’s so special about Dubai and Greece?” Maddie questions.

“Dubai is where Harper and I had our first kiss and everything started there. Greece was just really fun.” Luke explains.

“Aww how sweet.” Michael sarcastically smiles.

“Just because you’ve never been in love before.” I stick my tongue out at him.

“Shut up.” He laughs. “I’m in love with Calum, oh and Erika.”

“Don’t wanna be.” Calum and Erika say in unison causing everyone to laugh.

“I should get going now, by the time I get there it’ll be time.” I tell everyone.

I get off Luke’s lap and pick up my bag, collecting my phone off the table. “Good luck kiss?” Luke offers and I laugh.

“Sure.”

I press my lips to his, a little more than just a peck. “Good luck, you’ll do great.” He smiles as he presses his forehead against mine.

“Thanks. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.” I kiss him one more time before waving to the others.

***

Me: where are you?

L: my house

Walking up Luke’s driveway and putting my key into the lock. I had Lauren post my keys back to me, since I left them in England. Twisting left, I push the door open.

I make my way towards the lounge.

“I PASSED MOTHERFUCKERS.” I shout as I walk through the doorway.

“Woo!” Luke grins.

“Congratulations.” Erika smiles and hugs me.

Soon enough they’ve all hugged and congratulated me. Shrugging off my leather jacket and slinging it over the arm of the sofa. 3 pieces of paper fall out of the pockets. Picking them I find some train tickets and my results, passing my results to Luke.

Picking up the rectangle, which is orange at the top and bottom. London to Brighton. This must be the train ticket from when I went to England the other month. Reading the other, it says Brighton to London. So my to and from tickets.

“I don’t know what any of this means, but you passed so well done.” Luke chuckles. “What’s that?” He asks and motions to the tickets in my hand.

“Oh some old train tickets, London to Brighton.” I shrug.

“So this is what an English ticket looks like.”

“UK actually.” I correct him.

“You could so take someone’s eye out with this.” Luke laughs.

“Don’t do it Luke.” I warn.

“We got you a cake.” Calum laughs as he brings in a cake which has the words you tried iced on it.

“Oh my God, you guys had so much faith in me.” I sarcastically say.

I run my finger along the top and put it in my mouth. Mmmm, vanilla. “Why is there a candle in this?” I question.

“I don’t know, Maddie stuck it in there.” Michael laughs.

“Well if it’s gonna be there, at least light it for me.” I claim.

Calum pulls a lighter out and brings it to the wick, until it catches. “What do we sing?” Erika questions.

“Uh, we can’t exactly sing happy birthday.” Luke giggles.

Ashton passes Michael Luke’s guitar and they create a stupid song about cars, tests and me.

I hold my hair back and they cheer as I blow out the single candle. We always have been so extra. “Congrats Harp, knew you would do it.” Erika says and pulls me into a hug.

“Really? It doesn’t look lile it.” I gesture to the cake.

Swiping my finger along the cake and wiping it on Erika’s nose.

“Don’t you dare start this, Harper.” Erika warns and I just smirk.

Erika wipes the icing off of her nose and wipes it on my cheek. “You bitch!” I laugh.

Soon enough we’re wrestling each other and part of the cakes icing is missing. Luckily I’m on top, so I have the upper hand. “As much as this is very arousing, I kinda want to eat.” Luke says.

I smear the last of the icing that is on my hand on her stomach. Bursting out laughing and rolling off her and onto the floor. Erika squeals and immediately strips her shirt off, running off and into the bathroom. I stand up and go into the kitchen, getting some kitchen roll and putting it under the tap to clean my face up.

“Could you bring a knife out please.” I hear Ashton shout.

Taking a knife out of the knife block and bringing it to the living room. “Thank you.” Ashton smiles.

“I won’t be havin-” Maddie starts.

“Because I’m vegan.” Michael mocks

“Hey, leave my girlfriend alone, Clifford.” Erika tells him as she wraps her arm around Maddie’s frame.

“Ugh, lesbians are so hot.” Michael mutters and I giggle.

I cut myself a piece as no one seems to be doing it and grab a fork, before leaning back on the sofa. Luke sits next to me and places his hand on my thigh. “You wanna piece?” I ask Luke and he nods, opening his mouth.  

Scooping a bit onto my fork and into Luke’s mouth. “Thanks.” He smiles once he swallowed.

“Where did you get this? It tastes like cardboard.” I question.

“How do you know what cardboard tastes like?” Calum asks.

“Casual hobby.” I shrug.

“You’re so weird, the weirdest out of all of us by far.” Ashton giggles.

“Harper is one of those people that has loads of secrets yet you spend so much time with her. They aren’t bad secrets just weird, like we’d find out you go bungee jumping every Sunday and you’d just shrug.” Michael claims.

“No, I go parachuteing every Sunday, get it right.” I mutter. “I don’t know whether to be offended or not.”

“Now that you say that, I can totally see that.” Ashton agrees.

“I don’t.” Luke says.

“Of course you don’t because you know everything about her.” Calum tells him.

That’s where you are wrong.

“I’m not weird, I’m just different.” I claim.

“That’s like saying I’m not ginger, I’m strawberry blonde. No offense to gingers.” Michael laughs.

“I hate you guys sometimes.” I pout. “Luke, they’re being mean to me.” I whine and rest my chin on his chest, he looks down at me with a small smirk.

“Aww, baby.” He cooes, pushing my hair out of my face.

Luke presses his lips to mine and I smile into it, Luke places his hand on the side of my face. “Better?” He asks.

“Yeah.” I chuckle.

“Ew.” Calum says.

“Are you ever sad that you’ve never been in love with someone or had a serious relationship with anyone?” I ask.

“I used to, but I then realised that I don’t have time for a partner right now. I’ve only had hookups, I think the last time I had a girlfriend was sometime last year. Of course I’ve liked girls before, but nothing came out of it, the longest relationship I’ve I had was 6 months but it wasn’t that serious. It was one of those year 9 ones.” Calum confesses. “ Remember when you went out with Bradley Payne?”

“You went out with him?” Luke questions.

“I needed to pass a test.” I say.

“Oh right.” I laugh.

“Who did you lose your virginity to?” Michael asks everyone.

“Tyler King.” Erika admits.

“Maisie Wilder.” Ashton says.

“Gemma Lange.” Calum chimes in.

“This is gonna be awkward for the couple.” Maddie laughs.

“Alec.” I say and I feel Luke tense up.

“Really? You only lost it then?” Ashton asks.

“It’s not like I wanted to. He kinda came on to me and I just couldn’t bring myself to say no.” I explain.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Luke asks.

“There was nothing to tell.” I shrug.

“Um, who is Alec?” Maddie asks.

“Harper’s dick of an ex-boyfriend.” Calum fills her in.

“I lost it to Jennifer Lawrence.” Luke jokes.

“You wish.” Erika laughs.

“No, but her name was Jennifer, I just can’t remember her last name. I was 15, 16 one of those.”

“Must’ve been so good that you can’t remember her name.” I joke.

“No, the best I’ve ever had is you.” He smirks.

“Really? What about Hannah Craig?” I question.

“I think you’re unaware of your sexual abilities. She was good, but it wasn’t you.” “Can we not talk about Luke and Harper’s sex life.” Ashton begs.

“How often do you guys have sex?” Calum ignores Ashton’s request.

“I’m not telling you that!” I tell him

“A couple of times a week.” Luke says, causing me to glare at him.

“Luke!” I exclaim. “This conversation is over.” I huff and stand up.

“Where are you going?” Luke questions.

“I need to edit our video.”

“What kind of video?” Calum asks.

“A porno.” I tell them.

“You filmed that?” Erika acts offended.

***

I’m currently on Skype with Laura and Delilah. We’re just messing around, acting like 12 year olds.

“So I passed my theory test this morning and my friends got me a cake which said you tried.” I chuckle.

“Oh congratulations. Wow, some friends.” Laura laughs.

“When are you taking your driving test?” Delilah asks.

“In a couple of weeks, we’re planning on doing something when I pass. I suggested going on holiday, but we don’t have any time off any time soon.”

“Where would you go?” Delilah asks.

“Maldives or Bora Bora is what I suggested.” I say.

“I’d go to the Maldives.” Laura claims.

“I’d go to Bora Bora.”

“Classic Laura and Delilah moves.” I laugh.

“We used to argue about the stupidest things.” Delilah giggles.

We continue to reminisce about old times and I keep laughing.

“What’s so funny?” I hear someone ask.

“Jesus Christ,” I clutch onto my heart. “I’m talking to Laura and Delilah.”

“Okay.” Calum says.

I wipe under my eyes to collect my tears from laughing so much. “Be right back.” I tell Laura and Delilah.

“I’ll be down in minute, I need to talk about some stuff.” I say and they make their way down the stairs. I close my door before going back to my laptop.

“Sorry, the guys and the girls came over.” I apologise.

“I had to open up the door to get Elliot.” Delilah claims and pulls him into frame.

“Oh my God, hi, I’ve missed you.” I comment.

“Missed you too.” He smiles. “You said you’d text me, you lied.” He laughs.

“Sorry about that, I’ll text you this afternoon, I promise.”

15 minutes later I end the call and head down the stairs, phone in hand, beginning to type out a text to Elliot.

“Sorry, got caught up, I’m all yours now.” I smile and press send, locking my phone and placing it on the coffee table.

“Apparently not.” Ashton mutters as my phone vibrates. I lean forward to see who is texting me, Elliot is who.

E: well hey there ;)

Me: hello, I said I’ll text you by the afternoon, I didn’t think this early.

E: eager 😂

Me: evidently

I spend the next 10 minutes talking to Elliot, whilst the others talk to each other. I’m physically here but not mentally.

“Who are you texting? Because you’re smiling like an idiot.” Luke asks.

“Elliot.” I answer.

“And who is that?” He question.

“Delilah’s boyfriend.”

“Is he nice?” Erika asks.

“Yeah, he i- shit, I have a therapy session in 30 minutes.” I realise.

“Do you wanna lift?” Ashton offers.

“Uh, no thanks, I’ll just walk. Thanks for the offer though.” I decline. “Erika could you finish editing the video we made? I didn’t get a chance to finish.”

“Yeah, of course.” She smiles.

“Thanks, my laptop is upstairs.”

Luke’s p.o.v.

“I have so many secrets right now.” Erika laughs as she comes down with Harper’s laptop. “History, how to cheat on your boyfriend.”

“Don’t wanna be.” I mutter.

“Ugh, Harper is so innocent.” Erika pouts.

“Is she though?” Calum asks.

“I don’t think she is.” I comment.

“Has Harper got any kinks?” Ashton questions.

“Why do all our questions end up about Harper and I’s sex life?” I deadpan.

“Because we’re weird, so has she?” Michael asks.

“She is super kinky. Loves being tied up, daddy kink, likes to dress up, spanking, handcuffs are a big thing, acts very innocent, just to name a few.”

“Really?” They all say with wide eyes.

“No, I’m kidding. We’re very vanilla, but then again, I could be lieing.”

“I’m kind of disappointed now.” Maddie sighs.

“This is too weird talking about sex with you guys, especially about Harper.” I tell them and get up.

“Where are you going?” Ashton asks.

“To our sex room,” I joke. “I’m going home.”

“To be in your sex room.” Calum laughs.

I flip them off and walk out the door.

It’s a while later and Harper should be back from her therapy session by now, so we’re all going round again.

Putting my key into the lock and opening the door, walking in and being met by the sound of music. Not from a speaker but from Harper.

Quietly walking up the stairs and stand inside the door way. Harper is on her ukulele singing All Star, on her laptop, and the other person is playing the kuzo.

She gets to the last line and just bursts out laughing. “That was good!” The other person cheers.

“I liked it. I should probably go now, the boys and stuff will be round in a minute. I’ll speak to you tomorrow or something, bye.” She smiles and then ends the call.

Harper turns around a screams. “You’ve got to stop doing that.” She breathlessly says.

“I haven’t heard that song in a while.” Calum ignores her statement.

“I was just on Skype to Laura and we just decided to play it.” She shrugs.

“It was good, you should unload it to our YouTube channel.” Erika chimes in.

“I don’t know… at least not on my own.” She trails off.

“Maddie can sing, why don’t you do it with her.” Erika suggests.

“You up for that?” She asks.

“Sure.” She shrugs.

Next thing I know, the camera and lights are all set up.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kMia4eRZR64

Everyone claps when they finish and I laugh. “I’m gonna have this song stuck in my head all day now.” I claim.

“I’m gonna make a sandwich and watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.” Harper says and makes her way downstairs.

We all follow her down and sit in the lounge, whilst listening to Harper recite the whole theme tune.

I clap when she comes in and she giggles, sitting next to me. “This is such a good show.” Maddie says.

***

“I feel awful.” Harper whines.

It’s a while later now and Harper isn’t feeling well, slight cramping, feeling sick and has a headache.

“Are you due your period any time soon?” Erika asks.

“Not for a week.” She groans whilst covering her eyes with her arm.

“Maybe you have some early period symptoms.” Maddie tells her.

“My boobs hurt like a bitch too.” She adds.

“Probably your period or something.” Erika concludes.

“Guess who’s not having sex anytime soon.” Michael sings songs.

“Do you want me to give you a head massage?” I offer.

“What a babe.” She smiles and positions her head on my lap.

I start massaging her forehead gently and slowly going into her scalp causing Harper’s eyes to flutter shut.

“This is boring, I’m gonna spice this up and get some alcohol.” Ashton says.

“I’ve got some vodka in my wardrobe, there’s probably some cranberry juice in the fridge.” Harper tiredly informs.

“Why is it in your wardrobe?” I question.

“Needed to hide it from my um parents.”

“But your eighteen now.” Calum furrows his eyebrows.

“I know but they still think I’m 5.”

“I have alcohol!” Ashton claims as he comes down the stairs. “And I have cranberry juice.” He adds as walks in with glasses, cranberry juice, vodka, ice and lime. He pours 1 2/3 parts of vodka, then 5 parts cranberry juice, slipping in a couple ice cubes and then putting a wedge of lime in there.

He repeats this 7 times for each of us. “Have you ever thought about being a bartender?” I ask.

“It’s crossed my mind.” He chuckles.

“I don’t really feel like drinking tonight.” Harper says.

“That’s a first.” Calum laughs.

“So Harper is really sick if she is refusing an alcoholic drink.” Erika comments.

I rub my hand up and down her stomach as she groans. “You’ll be alright by the morning baby, get some sleep for now.” I tell her.

She rolls onto her side and nuzzles into me.

Harper’s p.o.v.

I’m woken up by my phone ringing, pulling it out of my pocket and not even opening my eyes when I answer it.

“My favourite sister!” Angus exclaims.

“What do you want?”

“I’m very well, thanks for asking.” Sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Shut up, why did you wake me up?” I ask.

“I don’t believe that you’re sleeping, I bet you’re making out with Luke, because he’s your boyfriend.” He teases.

“No, I’m sleeping on him, at least I think, I haven’t opened my eyes yet.” I say.

“Sleeping on him or with him?”

“Angus, shut the fuck up, what do you want?” I snap.

“Oh, I broke my finger.”

“Why on earth are you calling me?” I ask.

“I don’t know, but that’s not my main problem. You’re a girl right?” He questions.

“Well if I’m not I’ve been buying the wrong underwear.”

“Okay good, I’ve got a girlfriend, before you start teasing me and shit, stop now. It’s our 3 month anniversary coming up and I don’t know what to get her.” He explains.

“Why didn’t you tell me when I was over there?” I question.

“Not the problem Sharpie.”

“Don’t call me that, it barely has any relation to me.” I claim.

“I used to call you Harpy and that rhymes with Sharpie, which you used to draw all over my bedroom walls.”

“I know the reason you call Sharpie.” I snap.

“Whatever, I need ideas.”

“Why didn’t you ask Evie?” I question.

“Because she would want to meet her, and I can’t be arsed to do all that shit, plus she’ll suggest something really expensive and if you don’t know, I’m on student funds.”

“Okay I didn’t need a bloody novel. Flowers are more of a one month thing, you should buy her a car.” I suggest.

“This isn’t a time for jokes, Harper.”

“Why don’t you take her out for dinner, not a KFC or Nandos but a fancy one, but not too fancy, because that’ll seem like you’re coming on too strong, unless you really like this girl.”  I suggest.

“What did you and Luke do?”

“I think we took a break around that time, we don’t really celebrate those, we did for a week, but I wanted to punch both of us in the face.”

“Oh. I’ll probably take her out for dinner, do I get her a present as well?” He asks.

“Maybe some flowers, depends how much you like her. It sounds like you’re really into her.” I comment.

“I am, I think she is the one. I know it’s far too early to tell, but I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. How did you know Luke was the one?” He asks.

“Aww, I feel like a big sister right now.” I laugh. “Who said he is the one?”

“Don’t you think that?” He questions.

“Of course I do, he’s the only person I’ve ever truly loved.” I confess.

“Isn’t that cute. I should probably get going now, I need to find a place. I’ll speak to you soon. Love you lil’ sis.”

“Okay, I love you too, speak to you later.”

Ending the call and shoving my phone back into my pocket. I roll onto my back and rub my eyes. “How are you feeling?” Someone asks.

“Like shit, I feel so nauseous.” I say and finally open my eyes.

“Who was on the phone?” Luke asks.

“My brother Angus, he has girlfriend issues.”

“So now he’s taken off the market? He was a fine piece of ass.” Erika comments, earning Maddie to hit her.

“Apparently so, for 3 months it’s been going on. Don’t talk about him like that, it’s disgusting because it’s my brother.”

“Just stating the truth.” Erika laughs.

“Anyway, he wanted to know what he should do for their 3 month anniversary.”

“Why does your brother call you Sharpie?” Michael asks.

“Before I tell you, you have to promise you won’t start doing it. It’s annoying already.”

“I promise.” He says.

“He used to call me Harpy and it rhymes with Sharpie, and I drew all over his walls with a Sharpie when I was younger.. Don’t you fucking dare call me that, Clifford.” I warn.

“Okay Sharpie.” He smirks.

“Luke.” I whine and nuzzle into his stomach.

“Harper.” He whines.

“Michael’s being mean to me.” I pout.

“Michael, could you leave Sharpie alone, please?” Luke laughs and Michael and him high-five.

“I hate you guys.”

“Love you too.” They say in unison

“I’m going with the girls.” I say and sit with Erika and Maddie.

***

It’s the next day now and I’m still in bed, feeling so sick. Almost at the point where I need to get out of bed and sit by the toilet.

I’m not gonna take any risks, so I fling my duvet off me and rush towards the toilet.

Being my a toilet must of triggered something, because I start to throw up last night’s dinner.