#being trans is the furthest from fun to me

[moronphantom]

this one might get long and sappy, but when I first joined this fandom I was 16 and had just freshly been disowned by my family for being trans, living at what felt like the lowest point of my life. I found a home in dp, in how all the art and stories of him being trans both with and without his family’s support.

today I am 22. I came back to the fandom after being gone for a while, now with a home and a family and a life. I just woke up from top surgery, and on the way to the hospital I kept smiling, kept thinking of young me being so sure it would never happen. but it did! and I keep thinking of Danny, of all the characters, and this amazing fandom who’s helped me get to where I am today. the happiest person I’ve ever been since all the hell I went through before joining this fandom.

so I guess I wanted to say thank you all for creating a place for me to just be me. thank you for all the art, fanfics, theories, memes, and all types of posts who made me smile. I owe every single one of you the world for how much you made me smile and brought me the energy to keep going🫶

(sorry I’m sappy I’m a little all over the place from the meds)

[skele-bunny]

Thank you for the post :) Have any more Calida content? Maybe with some more family stuff?

You're welcome 🩷 I'm always down for more step dad Aether content!!

Over The Phone. (No CW) Aether/Dewdrop

CW - NONE

Tags: Step-Dad Aether, Baby/Pregnancy talk, sex talk, trans male Dewdrop, nonsexual lactation

Characters: Aether, Dewdrop, Calida (Kit), Mountain, Misc Ghouls.

(Divider by @ wrathofrats !)

Dewdrop had a ritual after rituals at venues. He'd hand his guitar over, go to the dressing room and quickly strip himself back into his sweat pants and one of his many stolen shirts from Aether's dresser he took before leaving on tour, then he'd be glued to his phone for the rest of the night as much as he could. Scrolling through messages and photos sent to him from the previously mentioned with their daughter.

He hated being so far away from his family, but as she got older, it became somewhat easier especially now that Aether was retired. The fire ghoul would laugh, showing the rest of the pack and Papa pictures and messages of their shenanigans.

"Oh my Lucifer, shut up! Is she holding your guitar?!" Cumulus swooned, looking at the picture Aether had sent of Calida holding the much too big acoustic that had Dew's initials. "That's adorable!"

"Tell me about it!" Dew laughed, turning back around in his seat as the van continued towards the hotel. "She's growing up so much, I hate it."

Mountain leaned over, gently nudging his mate's head with his nose. "We have to put her in an ice box so she can stay little forever."

"Tell me about it... But! Wouldn't it be so fun to have rehearsals with her? You should see how excited she gets when me and Aeth play for her."

The earth ghoul simply laughed, pressing a kiss before leaning back. "Wasn't too long ago you pushed her out in the back of the bus, literally... I still can't believe you bit Zephyr."

This time it was Phantom's turn to speak. "Wait, you had Calida on the tour bus?"

"And when did you bite Zeph?" Swiss added, holding an astonished look. "What did that lovebird do to you?"

Turning around in his seat again, Dew smiled as he held back laughter. "Yeah, I had Calida while on tour, back when I was still with Papa Terzo. My water broke suddenly, no one had a clue what to do and I surely didn't either. So I just—" Dew mimicked pushing something. "Pop! Baby. I bit Zephyr like a week after while on the bus because I was asleep, and they were trying to readjust the pillow under my head. Post partum me thought xe were trying to take her so I... Bit em'."

Finally laughter overtook Dewdrop, which caused a chain in the van. They arrived at the hotel, Dew shuffling his jacket on to flip up the hood as he had no desire to fully glamour his horns. Taking time unloading themselves and getting keys, Dew entered the room next to Mountain—their bags already sat inside by the stage hands.

"Is it okay if I take the bathroom first?" Mountain tilted his head, kicking his shoes off immediately to let his hooves come back out with a few bone crunches.

The fire ghoul shrugged. "Go for it, I gotta call home anyways."

"Have fun when E.T phone home." Mount teased, grabbing his backpack and closing the bathroom door.

Flopping himself on the bed furthest away from the air conditioner unit, Dew flipped on his phone again and pressing speed dial. The screen showed a picture of Aether asleep with their sleeping infant on his chest, holding a stuffed banana toy. It rang for about a minute before the other end picked up, and a moment of the loading the screen.

"Mana!" A high pitch voice yelled, instantly snatching the phone away. Black hair took over the camera accompanied with red eyes, but the biggest smile. "Mana! Mana!!"

"Hi baby!" Dew yelled back, sitting against the headboard. "I missed you so much!"

"Me too!! Oh, oh, look what me and Daba did!" Calida smiled so wide, putting the phone down to hold up a drawing of three crude stick figures that perfectly resembled the little family.

"No way! You and Daba did that?!"

"Yeah! And, and I got to see Auntle Mist and Auntle Birdy today, too!" Finally in the background, Aether came into view, waving but staying silent to let Calida have her moment. "They took me to the playground, and then we had nap time, then we watched Mulan again!"

Readjusting a pillow to be a prop, Dew placed the phone down while he leaned over the bed to open up his own bag. "That's amazing, Calida! Sounds like you had a busy day, did you have fun?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Oh, good!" Dew came back into view, holding a toy still in the box. "Look what Mana found in the store today."

A loud, ear piercing shrill came over the speakers, Dewdrop laughing as he seen Aether quickly cover his ears from the siren call. "Is that My Life?!"

"It is! I know you wanted the food set, so when I seen it I just had to get it!"

Calida's eyes went wide, gasping. "Mana, I have to go tell Aunty Sunny! Don't go, okay?!"

"Okay love, I won't! Pinky promise."

The kit smiled, giving the phone to her father as she ran out of the room. Aether waited before giving a look. "There is no way you dropped, how much?— On a toy set?"

"Hmm..." Dew laughed a little, looking away as he had been caught. "Fifty-seven dollars..."

Aether went to say something before Dewdrop interrupted. "Ah! Ah! You can't yell at me for it! You bought that girl a fucking tricycle! I don't wanna hear it!"

"Ugh, you're just awful." Aether laughed, leaning back into the bed and holding his phone up. "How was the show?"

Finally, Dewdrop's facade broke, glaring at the camera and growling as he gently placed the toy down. "Fuckin' terrible. Tell me how my guitar cut during my solo in Watcher?! Not only that, but my last siren? Yeah? Cut! Again!"

"Yikes... I think that song is just cursed at this point. We've all had so many issues playing it."

"You're telling me." Dew sighed, rubbing his face in irritation. "Not only that, Phantom fell and busted his ass after missing a step so he's got a pretty welt right on his left ass cheek. Plus, I don't know what you did to me before I left, but— Wait, Calida's still gone right?"

The quintessence looked up before confirming. "Mmhm."

"Okay, I don't know what you did to me, but my tits have never hurt so much before. Feels like when I'd get swollen from not pumping." Dew mumbled, lifting his shirt to reveal he had put nursing pads on to stop the very slow leakage he was experiencing, turning a bit to show the swelling.

Aether whistled with a grimace, sucking through his teeth. "I'm not sure, I'm sorry love. Might just be galactorrhea, have you been... You know, letting people suck?"

Dew shook his head, now massaging his right side, wincing as pain shot through. "No, even I haven't touched them from how much it hurts. Last one to touch was you."

There was a moment of silence between the two, Aether furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to remember anything different they may had done before the departure.

"This would be easier if I was there. Maybe have someone try feeling around for lumps, you're too aware of your body and can miss things sometimes."

As they went to talk, the bathroom opened and a 'soggy furball' as Dew liked to call him—stepped out, towel wrapped around his waist.

"Mountain! Perfect! Come squeeze my tits!"

The earth ghoul's face immediately went red but his tail perked up from under the towel. "W-What?!"

Dew waved him over, "Come here!"

"I'm not cucking Aether." Mountain grumbled, but still came over.

"Ooh, I like that idea, but not right now. We're trying to figure out why my chest is being weird."

Aether's laughter could be heard from the phone, the drummer leaning over to wave as he sat on the bed after placing the towel under him more. Carefully, Dew took off his nursing pads and kept his shirt up, still in view for Aether so he could attempt to try and figure out what's going on.

"What exactly am I looking for, let alone doing?" Mountain asked, carefully bringing his hands forward.

"Just see if there's any abnormal lumps or anything. Also, hi big boy! Thanks for touching our mate when I'm not there."

Mountain laughed at the comment, but still nodded, moving both hands to the left side and slowly feeling. His thumb pads pressed in on his areola, all three of them noticing Dew's nipple leaking again. He continued pushing around but shook his head. Going to the right, he noticed Dew's grimace as he pushed in, and the same reaction but at a heavier flow.

"He just feels, pardon my language, really fucking full like when he was still nursing." Mountain shrugged, continuing to press against the right side as the more that came out, the more Dew's face relaxed. "Think you might be pregnant?"

Dewdrop's eyes shot up. "No way in hell! We've been using protection since, I am not doing a round two!"

"Well..." Aether whined. "There was that one time in the practice room a week before you left..."

"Really? The practice room?" Mountain huffed.

"Yell at us later! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Dew groaned, now full of paranoia. "Aeth' this is fucking serious now! I've been smoking and drinking!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be feeding into that, and while it still is a possibility, we don't know for sure! There's a multitude of reasons this could be happening." The nurse was now fully sitting up in the bed, trying to keep his tone calm. "There's— Calida's back. Hi baby!"

Mountain immediately tore away and got out the frame, picking his towel up and getting dressed. Dew did the same, covering himself and quickly masking.

"Mana! Aunty Sunny said that when you get home we're gonna play together, okay?" The ghoulette chirped, climbing back on the bed and completely oblivious to her parents panic.

"Ohh, that sounds absolutely perfect! Which dolls should we use?" Dew tilted his head, smiling so wide for his daughter.

She began to ramble about which one of her many assortments of dolls would be perfect to play as a chef and the waiters, Dew just listening intently and nodding although his mind was a bit more to the side. Mountain got into his pajamas and made a little motion to Dew, pointing at his own chest. The fire ghoul looked down, grimacing as his shirt was quickly getting wet, trying to subtly place his pads back on.

"Those sound perfect! Hey, want to talk to Uncle Mountain really quick?" Dew purred, the earth ghoul getting the hint.

As he took the phone and came into view, Calida squealed again and now Mountain covered his ear the best he could while laughing. Taking the opportunity, Dew took the shirt off and redid his pads, reaching into his bag again to pull out a simple tank top.

"—Next thing you know, you're going to take your Mana's guitar." Mountain chuckled, now simply wandering around the small room. "What song do you wanna learn first?"

"Ohh... Can I learn the song about the mommy?"

Aether joined after Calida. "Witch image?"

"Yeah!"

"Ohh, that's a good one!" Mountain's ear flicked. "You'll have fun with that one, definitely going to practice that solo, though. I'm positive you'll get it down when you start learning!"

Calida giggled, moving to lay against Aether with a yawn, his arm carefully holding her close and the other still keeping the phone up. She rubbed her eye, purring softly. "Uncle Mounty, can you tell Mana I'm tired?"

"Absolutely."

He turned, waiting for Dew to settle a bit more before giving a thumbs up. The two now sitting together and being in the frame.

"Sleepy, sol?" Dew cooed, leaning his head against Mountain's shoulder and watching as she nodded. "I'm sure you've been wide awake this entire time until I called, hm? I'm sorry little love. Why don't you go ahead and go get cuddled up in bed? I'll make Daba leave the phone in your room so I'll be right there."

Calida nodded, holding up her two fingers for 'As Above', Dew responding with 'Down Below.'

"Sing to me, Mana?"

"Of course I will. Now go get in your nightgown, yeah?"

He watched his daughter once more nod with another yawn, kissing Aether's cheek before padding off. There was a brief moment before Dew exhaled, dropping his smile.

"Love..." Mountain whined, pulling Dewdrop close.

"What the fuck?" Tears slowly began to go down. "I can't... Have another child, I don't think I can handle doing it all again. Calida's birth was traumatic as is, and even just talking about it I'm getting terrified again."

Aether sighed, "I'm sorry, firefly. Listen, you only have a few more weeks until you get back, then we can figure out for sure what's going on. You still have options if, worst case scenario, you are pregnant again."

Nodding, Mountain chimed in to hug Dewdrop tight. "He's right. No matter what you chose, or what comes up, we're right here. In the meantime, it's definitely time to cold turkey everything again just in case."

The quintessence nodded, propping himself up more. "Absolutely. Just, take a big deep breath, okay? Everything's going to be alright. We're going to figure it out, and maybe it's something silly we can laugh about!"

Inhaling sharply, Dewdrop groaned and rubbed his face, getting rid of his tears as much as possible. "You're right, I'm sorry... Lilith save me, I can't even think about going through baby 2.0. Oh fuck, the diaper changes?!" Dewdrop began to laugh as he reminisced, gagging somewhat. "The things that came out of that girls ass would've been classified as chemical warfare during the Cold War—And that's when I had a healthy diet! Satan only knows the terrors now."

Very quickly the mood had been lifted as the three continued talking about the baby terrors, ending with their softer memories. After a bit more soothing and calming, Dew had whispered his goodnight to both of their mates. Keeping true to his word, Aether propped the phone against Calida's lamp and tucked her in. Calida just smiled, waving before holding tightly onto her childhood toy. The banana plush that haunted so many kithood photos.

Double checking Mountain had his headphones in so he wasn't effected by his mate's voice, Dew got comfortable as well.

It was simple, soft. "White ladder, water and whine, forever." He sang "Crying, oh time."

When Calida had been taken care of by Aether and Mountain while Dewdrop was stuck in the infirmary in a coma—They would play this specific album, humming to her softly and sometimes Aether would use his acoustic. It was the only thing that helped put her to bed, and even as she was almost seven, it's still all she wanted.

Sometimes Calida had moments that made Dewdrop double think her element; Her siren shrieks, how her voice echoed when she tried to sing, and just her pure fascination for large bodies of water. But no matter what Dew would do to try and test out a water element, fire always took hold. For example, Mountain had been boiling water for pasta, and Dew held Calida up to gently encourage her to ripple the water—instead the stove caught aflame. Luckily Dew was quick thinking and secluded the fire, but Mountain was very not happy that his new pot was burnt beyond fix.

But, that wasn't important to Dewdrop. What was important, was little moments like this. Continuing to sing for his daughter, watching her eyes slowly flutter close, occasionally trying to stay awake before finally accepting her fate. Dew continued until he knew for a fact she was asleep, moving his own phone to the bedside and plugging it in, flipping his light off and laying down to watch his little one rest peacefully.

He loved these moments. It's what gave him the strength to keep going through the tour, as soon he'd be home and holding her so tightly. But the thought of returning home quickly became worrisome, his chest aching in reminder. He slowly moved a hand to his abdomen, exhaling and trying to calm himself.

That would be a home situation that had multiple possible endings. Clouding his mind. So, he let his focus go back on Calida who had started chewing her toy in her sleep, making him giggle a bit.

Yeah. That would be a home problem.

[princeblue]

oh it seems to be a gender bend... I will be honest I expected better from you not to be transphobic. maybe you should reflect on that

I genuinely don’t understand how you think this is transphobic, I didn’t see this ask originally and I was willing to be kind and open about my interests and likes. But anything you send after this will be deleted, and if you continue to send me messages on anon then I will shut anon off.

As a trans person myself, I’m not saying trans people can’t be transphobic because everyone has their own experiences and their own things they are ignorant to. But me writing about genderbent Genya because I simply so happen to like it is the furthest thing from transphobic as it possibly could be.

Genya Shinazugawa at the end of the day is a fictional character who shows nothing of being inherently queer, whether this be in his gender identity or sexual orientation. Therefore, i cannot override his chosen identity and be “transphobic” towards him. And if you think that someone genderbending a fictional character for fun is being transphobic, then I genuinely urge you to shut off your devices and separate yourself from the medias rage bait opinion.

Goodbye and don’t come into my ask box again.

[fanonical]

sorry if this is a silly question but in trans hyrule is everyone trans? like zelda ganon and beedle too etc

no! #trans hyrule is just what i call the basis of the fic(s) because i haven't got a proper name for it yet. well, i do have ONE idea, but it's kind of ambitious, so i want to do more work on individual smaller projects first before i commit to the megafic.

it's just called that because it focuses on transness, transition & the different types of trans people and how they might live in Hyrule, not because literally every character is trans (though that would rule).

plenty (probably even a majority) of characters will still be cisgender -- or at least presented as perceived to be cisgender by Link at first; many of those characters may eventually reveal "oh no i am actually trans i'm just stealth" (i'm thinking Paya maybe?) or come out part way through the story or whatever (i have a couple of other NPCs lined up for this) because i want to portray a vast variety of trans characters with different identities, experiences & who are at different points in their journey

the three examples you used are interesting though! because i think i have interesting answers for those three specifically.

i think Zelda was assigned female at birth, but doesn't have feel a strong connection to that assigneder gender, & also hasn't (and perhaps won't) really examined that and how she feels about her own gender; i think that maybe if she were really forced to confront with it and identify a certain way she might even identify as agender, but i don't know if i'll depict this happening -- to me this seems like it might be beyond where she is at as a character in BOTW/TOTK, and something she might discover about herself later in life? imho, her own gender couldn't be the furthest thing from her mind so probably doesn't think about it much.

Ganon i think is a cis guy, just because i'm doing other stuff with the Gerudo, and i think it's actually really interesting to explore with what Nintendo's already set up for us; a lot of the Gerudo stuff in canon is whack and imho racist & kinda transphobic (not to mention it relies on some pretty backwards ideas about gender). i wanna see what i can do to "trans" that up a bit whilst still leaving the gendered tension in place; a lot of peopke have suggested making gerudo a total trans haven or just removing the gender stuff from it at all & making Ganon a trans guy from a culture with traditionally only one gender -- these are all interesting ideas, but what i have stored up for this is way more interesting i think; i want to challenge the idea that "every man" born to Gerudo culture is evil like Ganon, and explore how both transmasc Gerudos & transfeminine people of other races visiting Gerudo City might be treated worse for their perceived affiliation to Ganon & darkness. i'm being pretty vague here because whilst i haven't posted about it, the changes i'm making to Gerudo City are some of the most developed so far and i have big big fun fun plans to explore gender there

Beedle is a trans guy. it is known. i literally can't imagine this guy as anything but trans. i probably won't explore this too much because he's kind of a tertiary character at best, but trust me, it is canon to my fic, and he'll show up often enough that it'll be relevant

thanks for asking!!!! hope this was interesting

[falsebooles123]

Finding the First Gay Kiss - Diary of a Big Ole Gay 11.25.22

Hey Whores Realized I haven't given you an update recently. The short answer is I was planning on watching D.W.Griffinth 3 hour Epic Intolenrance tonight so I was putting a kabash on the movie watching. So instead I've been catching up on television because I am too lazy to actually read. Big News I actually really like Cabinet of Curiosities.

(its just a real fun time... Don't Judge Me)

so let me go over some of the stuff I've seen in the meantime.

Judith of Bethulia (1914) dir. D.W. Griffinth

So this movie is not nearly as gay as I was promised. The main reason why this showed up is because there is a nerdist article thats like UwU the Earliest Gayest Movies ever which should actually be congradulated it has some rare pepes on there, (is that problamatic???), however this one is the furthest reach of gay shit ever. Essentially this inclusion in the list is because of a pet theory by Susan Stryker which was included in the documentary Disclosure(2020). I think I have a quote here something.

"There's a claim," Stryker says, "that this is one of the first films that we know of where a [director's] cut in the film is used to advance the story. And there's a kind of, like, trans, or, you know, gender nonbinary character who is kind of circulating around the cut in the narrative. It's almost like the figure of the 'cut trans body,' the eunuch who's been castrated or emasculated, who is a 'cut figure', presides over the invention of the cinematic cut."

and the Eunach in its self is absolutely a queer icon, (in this sense literally iconography, as in a mythic trope), it presents us an intersex body, a masculine form that is asexual, a person that lives in between the hedgemonic binary of masculine and feminenin. The Eunach also has negative connotations as the Nance trope plays into this idea of Sexual Inversion in men being non-sexual and emmasculated. I don't think its wrong for the a eunach to be considered queer at the same time, is the mere presence of a queer coded character necessarily the watershed moment we should pretend it is?

The Nance character presided for decades in vauldville and burlesque circles and it was often not played in a positive light the nance or fairy act in vaudville was a far cry from the gender subversion of Julian Eltinge and other female impersanations of the time, it was in no less words a form of sexual minstraly, presenting the sexual invert as degenerate, unmanly, and frivolous. Tbh Its not necessarily and aspect of representation that I want to respect or cherish.

However at this point I feel that I have got my ego involved and made this representation about my own sexuality and pain. In all seriousness the supposed representation is presented as being trans, non-binary or intersex and while this film did not provide me much queer utility I would be loath to disregard that for somebody somewhere they felt seen by this charater or this aspect of queer lens interpretation. it just wasn't for me.

The ABC of Love (1916) dir. Magnus Stifter

Its Die Asta!

As we have covered on this blog Asta Nielsen was known for her boyish charm and her unflappable stage present. She was also beyond unafraid to go full butch in her work and many of her storys were incredible queer in a lot of her films. Truly a bisexual icon.

(what a fucking BICON)

in this one we see Die Asta in a classic shot of her pressed against a wall of flowers in this case sittig with her lap dog, a boudour doll, and reading a book of romantic fancys. it should also be noted that shes coded as a big younger in the film around her late teens, y'know a young coquete.

so Its not conveyed well but basically shes like

"UwU daddy I want to get railed by a tall dark and handsome foreigner"

"sure doll, let me find some fuck boy who wants to get in that snatch. BRB"

(she specifcally asked for a 'latin lover' which as someone who has fucked several latino men I get it)

But instead of getting a hot latin stud, (which I guess shes european so like she wants to fuck a spanish guy in this context??? not my kink but whatev.

anyway instead of getting a hot latin STUD!!!! she gets like some dweeb???

and like he can't even fuck so she is absolutely pissed because she want to get railed! (yes I am describing this movie accuretly), so she goes on a honeymoon in paris and your probably wondering how she deals with the wet blanket that is her husband. Um the answer is of course Crossdressing!

(I think this is from victor/victoria or something but you get it)

and Die Asta pulls a Danger Girl and serves us a full butch fantasy. She literally wears a whole ass wig and shapewear to serve some masc tuxedo action. and of course as in any of these "role-reversal" comedies she fucking slays. Apparently serving masc means you smoke fatties and fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk. this movie involves die asta throwing two DTF women onto her man and saying

"Be a Man, Frank"

Imagine your wife just wanted you to cuck her while she serving butch top energy.

(imagine....)

this movie ends with her father gaslighting her into thinking for limp wrist no bitches husband is cheating on her but actually THE GODDAMN HUSSY is just the porter in full drag. I also love in these stories nobody gets clocked, its always a seemless transformance where everyone absolutely asumes this person is the gender they present as. Honestly kinda nice.

Vingarne (The Wings) (1916) dir. Mauritz Stiller

So this is one of the first adapatations of the 1902 Mikael by Herman Bang. it is also mostly lost with the available version being a fixup version from 1985 which used production stills and intertitles as a way of feeling in the gaps in the story. There is still 20 minutes of this film that are lost forever or at least to the best of our knowledge. A pretty common narrative in early cinema, there are a lot of early cinema works whose tape was not properly archived or literally destroyed for censoreship or just to get the trace amounts of silver nitrate that was imprinted during the film production process.

The movie itself is the story of a gay artist who falls in love with his muse, a grecian youth type. The film falls into this sort of pedarast adjacent storyline, where you have this older sexual experience man and his younger protege/boytoy. Narratively in the story he is also the adopted son of the artist but as I mentioned on DoestheDogDie.com this doesn't necessarily mean that this love story is incestious as Same-Sex Adoption was a thing at the time.

Basically the young muse decides to get some pussy and leaves the poor old artist to die of sadness or some shit.

This movie is kinda hard to follow and you kinda have to ask yourself if you want to add DDLB and fickle Bi's to your pantheon of early queer cinema.

On a side note i am watching Dad Takes A Fishing Trip(2009) by Tim Kinkade which deals a lot with Daddy kinks so I have been kinda exploring a lot of the eroticism around this type of age gap relationship. So there is that.

[thetypedwriter]

Cemetery Boys Book Review

Cemetery Boys Book Review by Aiden Thomas 

In true Halloween fashion, I decided to pick up Cemetery Boys to get me into the festive mood, along with pumpkin spice everything, Harry Potter movie marathons, and sweaters I don’t need as southern California is still a million degrees. Currently on the New York Times Bestseller’s List, Cemetery Boys is author Aiden Thomas’ debut novel about, you guessed it, boys in a cemetery. 

Although, in a way, the title is a tad deceiving as the book contains much much more than boys loitering in graveyards and lying next to mausoleums (anyone catch the reference?). In fact, said boys don’t spend much time in the cemetery at all. 

But I digress. 

The short novel starts off and surrounds our main character Yadriel, a Latinx youth from East Los Angeles that is struggling with the death of his mother, the looming festivities of Dia de Muertos, getting his family to accept his true gender and name, the sudden disappearance of his cousin Miguel, and you know, the casual summoning of a hot dead boy with too much energy and a wicked smile that makes Yadriel feel like he’s on fire. 

But it doesn't matter because the boy Yadriel summoned on accident, Julian Diaz, resident bad boy extraordinaire, is dead right? He’s just a ghost. 

Or is he?

Yadriel and Julian, with the help of Yadriel’s best friend Maritza, spend the few days leading up to Dia de Muertos in hot pursuit of what happened to Julian in the hopes that it will reveal Miguel, allow Yadriel to finally convince his family and his community that he is indeed a brujo, a male servant of Lady Death, the Goddess of their lives and religion which allow them to speak to spirits and perform other magical abilities like healing and even raising people from the dead. 

Yadriel is convinced that if he finds Miguel and severs Julian’s spirit ties, sending him to the afterlife, his father and the rest of the brujx will have to see him for what and who he truly is after years of being denied and called the wrong name and gender. 

However, Yadriel quickly finds himself way over his head as Julian turns out to be the most annoying, most hot-headed, most alive spirit he’s ever met. Not to mention that he’s developing feelings for him, feelings which soon are returned. 

Yadirel is then faced with a bigger dilemma: does he lose everything he’s wanted-acceptance from his father and his community and his true place as a brujo, or Julian-the dead boy he’s fallen for?

In what is probably the most frightening thing of all-cliffhangers-I won’t give away the ending this time people. You’ll have to read Cemetery Boys to find out. 

What I will do though is give you my breakdown on this very sweet, very young, fictional novel that is quite honestly the furthest thing from being spooky. 

Firstly, the best and most wonderful thing about this novel is representation. Trans, gender fluid, and intersex characters are still wildly bereft in the young adult fiction world, especially as main characters, so a new novel with the main character being trans is wholly welcomed and appreciated. 

Yadriel is an anxious, but relatable sixteen-year-old with problems that many of us face: fear of isolation, desire to belong, and feeling like an outcast. It was so relieving and enlightening to hear from a character and experience the challenges and emotions they faced while attempting for the world to understand and accept them for who they were. 

In addition to Yadriel, you had other representation in terms of the Latinx community, other trans characters, gay characters, foster youth, homeless youth, and even small side delves into veganism and much bigger issues like deportation, medical care, and runaway children. 

This book was short, but man did it pack a punch in terms of the social issues it revolved around and introduced into its story. 

In addition to the wide cast of characters with myriad backgrounds and circumstances, the focus on Latinx culture in particular was very strong and very saturated. Throughout the whole novel you have characters speaking Spanish, a plethora of food specific to certain Latinx cultures, and the sometimes heavy handed explanations of certain customs and traditions unique to Yadriel’s community and ancestors. 

On the one hand, I really enjoyed this. I love it immensely when authors bring in their own background to further expose readers to different cultures and customs, especially as it pertains to the main character and their experience. 

However, oftentimes in Cemetery Boys it came across a little too burdensome. It was like I was reading a pamphlet on Dia de Muertos instead of a young adult novel. I wholeheartedly understand Thomas’ vision and goal of Latinx inclusion, but the way it was written was not always seamless.

 It often dragged me out of the book and irritated me when the flow of the story was interrupted for a whole page so that Dia de Muertos could be described, or so paragraphs of Latin foods could be listed out. 

Once again, I love this representation, but the writing could sometimes be a little too chunky and repeatedly it was too long and too obvious for it to come across seamless and natural. 

Speaking of natural, the biggest criticism I probably have of this book is that it comes across much younger than presented. Even though Yadriel and the other characters are sixteen, they often felt much more immature to me, especially with how the story unfolded and Thomas’ writing as a whole. 

This is not itself a criticism, but I would definitely recommend this book for much younger consumers than it is currently targeting. 

As a teacher, I could see this book being recommended for middle school in order to teach children about trans youth, the importance of acceptance and love, and of course, for the representation that is abundant throughout the novel. 

I personally think this would be too juvenile for high school and above. 

I certainly found it juvenile as a 26-year-old-woman. 

Once again, this does not mean it’s not enjoyable. I still enjoyed the book and had an overall good time reading it. But it also means that there were several parts that I found predictable, exaggerated, or as I said before, heavy handed in how certain aspects of the novel were displayed and organized. 

The plot for instance, was laughably easy to predict. I think I had the entire ending down when I was about ⅓ of the way through with the book. Does this make it a bad read? Of course not. But books that have unpredictable endings or that manage to surprise me end up leaving more of an impression on me as a reader .

In addition, often the way Yadriel and Julian, especially Julian, would react was very childish in my opinion. Simply how they processed emotions, handled their problems, and dealt with high-stakes situations were very reminiscent of characters much younger than they were. 

Most of all however, the juvenile feeling of this book I would attribute to the writing. Thomas is definitely not a bad writer, but nothing about it came across as young adult to me. Some scenes were a bit cheesy, but the writing itself was very easy, uncomplicated, and very straightforward. 

There were some scenes I felt like were not dealt with enough (aka Yadriel losing his cousin and thinking about it once or twice and the whole Julian running away and Rio being like meh, Julian is Julian). Some scenes just seemed....odd and out of character and others needed to be expanded upon more. 

I want to reiterate that these are NOT BAD THINGS. 

Overall, I found the novel very cute, very refreshing, and a wonderful addition to the literature world. All of Thomas’ characters are likable, the representation is amazing and nuanced, even if it is a bit arduous in certain parts, and the story is interesting and action-packed, keeping readers on their toes and never bored with what is going on. 

As a whole, Cemetery Boys is quite honestly a lovely little read that is perfect for the Halloween season. You might not be frightened, but you will get a cute story, some very welcome representation, and wholesome relationships and themes that, while simple, are not to be overlooked or underrated. 

Score: 7/10

Recommendation: Put on Hocus Pocus, light your pumpkin scented candle, make yourself some tea or hot cocoa, snuggle up with a blanket (either because it’s actually cold where you live or because you have the AC on like me) and delve into Cemetery Boys for some lighthearted fun, some magic, some ghosts, and of course, a whole heaping of good feelings where love wins and the world is a better place for it. 

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked: Your blog isn’t what I expected for someone who champions conservative values because it is very rich in celebrating culture and strikes a very humane pose. I learn a great deal from your clever and playful posts. Now and again your feminism reveals itself and so I wonder what kind of feminist are you, if at all? It’s a little confusing for a self professing conservative blog.  

I must thank you for your kind words about my blog and your praise is undeserved but I do appreciate that you enjoy aspects of high culture that you may not have come across.

My conservatism is not political or ideological per se and - I get this a lot - not taken from the rather inflammatory American discourse of left and right that is currently playing itself out in America. For example my distaste for the likes of Trump is well known and I have not been shy in poking fun at him here on my blog. Partly because he’s not a real conservative in my eyes but a .... < insert as many expletives as you want here > ....but mainly he has no character. My point is my conservatism isn’t defined by what goes on across from the pond.

Rather my conservatism is rooted in deeply British intellectual traditions and draw in inspiration from Edmund Burke, Michael Oakeshott, Roger Scruton, and other British thinkers as well as cultural writers like Coleridge, Wordsworth, and Waugh. So it’s a state of mind or a state of being rather than a rigid ideological set of beliefs.

Of course there is a lot of overlap of shared values and perspectives between the conservatism found elsewhere and what it is has historically been in English history. But my conservative beliefs are not tied to a political party for example. I wash my hands of politicians of all stripes if you must know. I won’t get into that right now but I hope to come back and and address it in a later post.

As for my feminism that is indeed an interesting question. It’s a very loaded and combustible word especially in these volatile times where vitriol and victimhood demonisation rather than civility and honest discussion so often flavour our social discourse on present day culture and politics.

I would be fine to describe myself as an old school feminist if I am allowing myself to be labelled that is. And in that case there is no incompatibility between being that sort of small ‘f’ feminist and someone who holds a conservative temperament. They are mutually compatible.

To understand what I mean let me give you a potted history of feminism. It’s very broad brush and I know I am over simplifying the rich history of each wave of feminism so I’m making this caveat here.

Broadly speaking the feminist movement is usually broken up into three “waves.” The first wave in the late 19th and early 20th centuries pushed for political equality. The second wave, in the 1960s and 1970s, pushed for legal and professional equality. And the third wave, in the past couple decades but especially now, has pushed for social equality as well as social and racial justice. It is the first wave and bits of the second wave that I broadly identify my feminism with.

Why is that?

Again broadly speaking, in the first wave and overlapping with the second wave legal and political equality are clearly defined and measurable, but in the third wave (the current wave) social equality and social justice is murky and complicated.

Indeed the current feminist movement - which now also includes race and trans issues in a big way - is not a protest against unjust laws or sexist institutions as much as it is the protest against people’s unconscious beliefs as well as centuries-worth of cultural norms and heritage that have been biased in some ways against women but also crucially have served women reasonably well in unwritten ways.

Of course women still get screwed over in myriad ways. It’s just that whereas before it was an open and accepted part of society, today nearly all - as they see it - is non-obvious and even unconscious. So we have moved from policing legalised equality opporttunities to policing thought.

I understand the resentment - some of it sincere - against the perceived unjustness of women’s lot in life. But this third wave of feminism is fuelled in raw emotion, dollops of self-victimhood, and selfish avoidance of personal responsibility. Indeed it bloats itself by latching onto every social and racial outrage of the moment.

It becomes incredibly difficult to actually define ‘equality’ not in terms of the goals of the first wave of feminists or even the second because we can objectively measure legal, civil and political goals e.g. It’s easy to measure whether boys and girls are receiving the same funding in schools. It’s easy to see whether a man and woman are being paid appropriately for the same work. But how does one measure equality in terms of social justice? If people have a visceral dislike of Ms X over Mr Y is it because she’s a woman or only because she’s a shitty human being in person?

The problem is that feminism is more than a philosophy or a group of beliefs. It is, now, also a political movement, a social identity, as well as a set of institutions. In other words, it’s become tribal identity politics thanks to the abstract ideological currents of cultural Marxism.

Once a philosophy goes tribal, its beliefs no longer exist to serve some moral principle, but rather they exist to serve the promotion of the group - with all their unconscious biases and preferences for people who pass our ‘purity test’ of what true believers should be i.e. like us, built in.

So we end up in this crazy situation where tribal feminism laid out a specific set of paranoid beliefs  - that everywhere you look there is constant oppression from the patriarchy, that masculinity is inherently violent, and that the only differences between men and women are figments of our cultural imagination, not based on biology or science.

Anyone who contradicted or questioned these beliefs soon found themselves kicked out of the tribe. They became one of the oppressors. And the people who pushed these beliefs to their furthest conclusions — that penises were a cultural construction of oppression, that school mascots encourage rape and sexual violence, and that marriage is state sanctioned rape or as is now the current fad that biological sex is not a scientific fact or not recognising preferred pronouns is a form of hate speech etc— were rewarded with greater status within the tribe.

Often those shouting the loudest have been white middle class educated liberals who try to outcompete each other within the tribe with such virtue signalling. Since the expansion of higher education in the 1980s in Britain (and the US too I think), a lot of these misguided young people have been doing useless university degrees - gender studies, performing arts, communication studies, ethnic studies etc - that have no application in the real world of work. I listen to CEOs and other hiring executives and they are shocked at how uneducated graduate students are and how such graduates lack even the basic skills in logic and critical problem solving. And they seem so fragile to criticism.

In a rapidly changing global economy, a society if it wants to progress and prosper is in need of  valuing skills, languages, technical knowledge, and general competence (i.e critical thinking) but all too often what our current society has instead are middle class young men and women with a useless piece of toilet paper that passes for a university degree, a mountain of monetary debt, and no job prospects. No wonder they feel it’s someone else’s fault they can’t get on to that first rung of the ladder of life and decide instead that pulling down statues is more cathartic and vague calls to end ‘institutional systemic racism’. Oh I digress....sorry.

My real issue with the current wave of feminists is that they have an attitude problem.

Previous generations of feminists sacrificed a great deal in getting women the right to vote, to go to university, to have an equal education, for protection from domestic violence, and workplace discrimination, and equal pay, and fair divorce laws. All these are good things and none actually undermine the natural order of things such as marriage or family. It is these women I truly admire and I am inspired by in my own life because of their grit and relentless drive and not curl up into a ball of self pity and victimhood.

More importantly they did so NOT at the expense of men. Indeed they sought not to replace men but to seek parity in legal ways to ensure equality of opportunity (not outcomes). This is often forgotten but is important to stress.

Certainly for the first wave of feminists they did not hate men but rather celebrated them. Pioneers such as Amelia Earhart - to give a personal example close to my heart as a former military aviator myself - admired men a great deal. Othern women like another heroine of mine, Gettrude Bell, the first woman to get a First Class honours History degree at Oxford and renowned archaeologist and Middle East trraveller and power breaker never lost her admiration for her male peers.

I love men too as a general observation. I admire many that I am blessed to know in my life. I admire them not because they are necessarily men but primarily because of their character. It’s their character makes me want to emulate them by making me determined and disciplined to achieve my own life goals through grit and effort.

Character for me is how I judge anyone. It matters not to me your colour, creed or sexual orientation. But what matters is your actions.

I find it surreal that we have gone from a world where Christian driven Martin Luther King envisaged a world where a person would be judged from the content of their character and not the colour of their skin (or gender) to one where it’s been reversed 360 degrees. Now we are expected to judge people by the colour of their skin, their gender and sexual orientation. So what one appears on the outside is more important than what’s on the inside. It’s errant nonsense and a betrayal of the sacrifices of those who fought for equality for all by past generations.

Moreover as a Christian, such notions are unbiblical. The bible doesn’t recognise race - despite what slave owners down the ages have believed - nor gender - despite what the narrow minded men in pulpits have spewed out down the centuries - but it does recognise the fact of original sin in the human condition. We are all fallen, we are all broken, and we are all in need of grace.

Even if one isn’t religious inclined there is something else to consider.

For past generations the stakes were so big. By contrast this present generation’s stakes seem petty and small. Indeed the current generation’s struggle comes down to fighting for safe spaces, trigger warnings and micro aggressions. In other words, it’s just about the protection of feelings. No wonder our generation is seen as the snowflake generation.

A lot of this nonsense can be put down to the intellectually fraudulent teachings of critical theory and post colonial studies in the liberal arts departments on university campuses and how such ideas have and continue to seep into the mainstream conversation with such concepts as ‘white privilege’, ‘white fragility’, ‘whites lives don’t matter’, ‘abolish whiteness’ ‘rape culture’ etc which feels satisfying as intellectual masturbation but has no resonance in the real world where people get on with the daily struggle of making something of their lives.

But yet its critical mass is unsustainable because the ideas inherent within it are intellectually unstable and will eventually implode in on itself - witness the current war between feminists (dismissed uncharitably as terfs) who define women by their biological sex and want to protect their sexual identity from those who for example are championing trans rights as sexuality defined primarily as a social construct. So you have third wave feminists taking completely different stances on the same issues. For instance there’s the sex positive feminists and there’s also anti-porn, sex negative feminists. How can the same thing either be empowering or demeaning? There are so many third wave feminists taking completely different stances on the same exact topics that it’s difficult to even place what they want anymore.The rallying cries of third wave feminism have largely been issues that show only one side of the story and leave out a lot of pertinent details.

But the totality of the damage done to the cultural fabric of society is already there to see. Already now we are in this Orwellian scenario where one has to police feelings so that these feminists don’t feel marginalised or oppressed in some undefinable way. This is what current Western culture has been reduced to. I find it ironic in this current politically charged times, that conservatives have become the defenders of liberalism, or at least the defence of the principle of free speech.

To me the Third Wave feminism battle cry seems to be: Once more but with feelings.

With all due respect, fuck feelings. Grow up.

I always ask the same question to friends who are caught up in this current madness be they BLM activists or third wave feminists (yes, I do have friends in these circles because I don’t define my friends by their beliefs but by their character): compared to what?

We live in a systemic racist society! Compared to what?

We live in a patriarchal society where women are subjugated daily! Compared to what?

We live in an authoritarian state! Compared to what?

We live in a corrupt society of privileged elites! Compared to what?

Third-wave? Not so much. By vast majorities, women today are spurning the label of “feminist” - it’s become an antagonising, miserable, culturally Marxian code word for a far-left movement that seeks to confine women into boxes of ‘wokeness’.

For sure, Western societies and culture have its faults - and we should always be aware of that and make meaningful reforms towards that end. Western societies are not perfect but compared to other societies - China? Russia? Saudi Arabia? - in the world today are we really that bad?

Where is this utopian society that you speak of? Has there ever been one in recorded history? As H.L. Mencken memorably put it, “An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.“

I prefer to live in a broken world that is rather than one imagined. When we are rooted in reality and empirical experience can we actually stop wasting time on ‘hurt feelings’ and grievances construed through abstract ideological constructs and get on with making our society better bit by bit so that we can then hand over for our children and grandchildren to inherit a better world, not a perfect one.

Thanks for your question.

[starved-sapphic]

just found out that it’s legal to change ur gender in egypt if u get the surgery for it, while my existence would land me in prison lmao. come at me with that “cisgays are more privileged than trans people” bullshit. in egypt (a predominantly muslim and homophobic country), trans people are allowed to be trans. my existence as a lesbian will literally get me tortured. how fun!!!! btw, i talked to my mom about this and i asked what she thought about it out of curiosity. she told me “they should split trans people from the rest of the lgb community because trans people have a valid mental illness that they can’t control and they shouldn’t be punished for it. gay and lesbian people are sinners and will go to hell.” my dad was a little less open minded and said the furthest he would go is “let trans people get hormone treatment, but not legally change their sex. however, lgbs should never be legal. god made homosexuality a sin for a reason.” this is actually a common way of thinking. so many people think that trans people deserve rights over lgb people. yeah... how are the “cisgays” more privileged than you again? there are countries where transitioning is the only option you have if you don’t wanna be punished for being homosexual. the government gives you that option. there are more countries where being trans is legal. homosexuality is illegal in more countries. anyway that’s all i have to say. i was just surprised that transitioning is allowed in my country whilst gays and lesbians are being arrested and imprisoned for simply existing.

[ask-the-party-god]

Ask The Party God - Timeline

the pre-terezi-gang timeline post is here

height references over here

hi, im jade! everyones favorite party goddess and trans doggy girl~ but you already know that! if youre reading this, it means youre interested in learning more about my reality, because paradox space is fucking weird like that and you cant really be sure all the time

as far as im aware, everything up to the point where we beat the game happened without deviations from the alpha timeline? so this is what rose has talked about as a ‘terminal timeline’, or ‘post-canon’, or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean

we got to earth-c, and i settled in the troll kingdom because trolls are cool, dave and karkat were in the neighborhood, and the caverns are close by so i can visit rose and kanaya speedily as well! i still do have my old tower out on an island, with my workshop and garden, but i almost never sleep in it, too far away and isolated from everyone...

then one day i found this old active server in the furthest ring keeping tumblr active and i thought, hey, why not have some fun? ;D

as for the others...

my darling sis june egbert! she lives in the consort kingdom, but has been thinking about relocating elsewhere lately! she went through a rough patch right after the game, unsure of what to do and full of all sorts of doubts and questions, but shes doing a lot better nowadays! specially now that terezi is back, shes been a lot more peppy and hanging around with the lalondes particularly!

rose rose rose rose~ happily married to her wife kanaya, duh, but that doesnt make her any less of a flirty cutie! a while back she got really sick for a bit, and weve been keeping an eye on her just in case it happened again, but its been all good ever since! she helps kanaya at the caverns a bunch, which makes her schedule busy busy... and you didnt hear this from me, buuuut words out on the street that she and kanaya may be warming to the idea of having a kid! <3 well see how that goes!

one cool dude~ daves a little bit of a shut-in honestly! and honestly i dont blame him? he must be tired after all the timeline and time travel shenanigans, so he spends a good chunk of his time hanging out in his and karkats house! hes kind of awkward about opening up with feelings and stuff, and ive been trying to nudge him to be more open for a while! but with all the craziness thats been going down lately, and more people coming and going and getting together, hes starting to consider things he hadnt before~ hopefully, some specific someones? ;)

janey! my uh... ecto-mom, technically, although we see each other more like cousins than anything else! she still owns crockercorp, but ever since jasprose has been around, she has been spending a lot more time at home and just hanging out with her friends, which really, sounds a lot healthier than the big business thing she had going on a while back! she enjoys teaching me baking stuff, but doesnt have much patience for my decorating skills ;p

grandpa! and grandson technically, hehe, jakes kind of a weird case, hes a mixture of a shut-in, a celebrity and an adventurer! he can spend up to weeks at a time without leaving his manor, but then hell have full weeks of interviews and hiking, and thats not to say anything of when he and dirk put out another episode or two of their dumb comedy talkshow... hes often busy with stuff, but hes still a good pal and can clear his schedule in seconds if we need him for something!

one sweet nb dude! rox really is... something else, really! fun to tag along at a party, fun to chill at home playing games, fun to talk about more serious stuff and open up with him, he really is just solid as they come! hes been hanging out a lot more with june since she got out of her depressive slump, but sometimes i wonder if junebug finds weird to get flirty with roxy, considering im pretty sure we made out in front of her at some point or two... hehehe

dirk! if daves a bit of a shut-in, hes a shut-in times two, which is weird because youd think someone stuck in post-apocalyptic earth for so long would want to hang out more? not to say he DOESNT, though! hes around jake often enough, and keeps close to jane, roxy and dave specially! we dont see each other too often, but we HAVE been messing around with robots and planning out to upgrade our respective self-bots for funsies!

aradia! we only met briefly in dreams for the longest time, but i knew already that she was a riot! she came with terezis group after she finally found vriska, and seems pretty happy just... kind of... being around and watching shenanigans ensue! i actually dont know where she lives, but she drops by occasionally, because im apparently pretty ‘fun’... cant say i disagree ;)

sollux is blind, and not dead, and WILL kick you in the shins if you keep prying about how exactly he ended up like that, which is fair enough! he spends a good chunk of his time with aradia, and im not sure if theyre dating or not...? but hes been around the other trolls a bunch! specially kanaya, apparently theyre good friends that go way back! i guess they both DO style their hair similarly, with the side spike thingies...

the other half of the dave-kat duo! swooooon~ really though, i cant remember the last time i said “dave” or “karkat” without talking about the other shortly after... buuut theyre just roomies, and hell get awkward and grumpy if you even so slightly IMPLY otherwise, despite the fact everyone knows they fall asleep leaning against each other during friday movie night! roooolling my eyes~ with the rest of the living trolls having arrived, hes been a lot more willing to go outside, which im glad for! its healthy to get some fresh air from time to time, and specially hang out with friends!

oh-la-la, miss maryam-lalonde herself! kanayas the matriarch of the caverns, and quite the busy gal, having taken it upon herself to supervise her entire species reproduction and well-being... in my opinion, she needs a good vacation from time to time, and to be less of a workaholic! >:o ive been helping her occasionally in the caverns, and as of late weve begun trying to mess around with ectobiology for some troll-human crossing experiments with... not good results so far... but hey, rome wasnt built in a day!

terezis back, yes! after spending YEARS out there looking for vriska, she managed to find her and come back, the madwoman! personally im not sure why anyone would go to such lengths for... her... but also, its not my bond, not my place to speak, she obviously really loves her a bunch! with vriska no longer lost in the middle of the furthest ring, shes started to catch up with everything going on with earth-c, and i think shes really going to like being around! specially with how much june and the rest have missed her ;)

troublemaker extraordinaire herself! shes... well, shes vriska, im pretty sure she stole that eyepatch from sollux? so you just know she up to no good already >:/ speaking of her eyepatch, im not sure WHY shes wearing it? whatever kinda wound she got, she doesnt like mentioning it, despite bragging about defeating english at every chance she gets! terezi says they found her popping in and out of consciousness in the furthest ring with some messy wounds, and that shed probably been hovering out there after the fight for years... doesnt seem to have humbled her in the slightest <.<

callieeeee! theyre super sweet and wonderful but also really shy and awkward! they live with roxy but manage to outdo dirk in terms of shut-in-ness... they also totally like roxy but is unsure about approaching those feelings considering the whole species thing and whatever, ive been trying to get them to open up for a while now! weve written fanfic together and drawn grids, so i can definitely tell theres some attraction there, even if theyre afraid of acting upon it just yet <3

jaspie is roses bane, and the one cat that made me get used to their smell enough that i dont bark at them instantly anymore! im pretty sure she crashes at janes often, and is just as outgoing and flirty as i am around earth-c parties and bars, which is saying something honestly! i wont let her dethrone me as the party god, though >:)

and finally davepeta! theyre staying with june for the time being until they can get settled around and see what they want to do here! theyve also dropped by dave and karkats a bunch, which i most certainly dont mind! i definitely appreciate some help in bringing a romantic vibe into those twos lives~ ;o

and thats about it! theres also the nannasprites and tavrosprite and arquius, but they pop by so sporadically and rarely that i dont know what theyre doing a majority of the time... we lost track of gamzee after the session so hopefully hes totally gone, and we havent heard any message from caliborn in years... and with the furthest ring broken and the black hole sealed, leaving a weird white empty space right in the middle of reality, im not sure what our chances of bringing back the other trolls are :( but still, we keep living on happily over here and having our fun slice of life ending together!

id say after everything weve gone through, we deserve a big break, dont we? hehehe <3

also, particularly important events that happen and are recorded in this blog will be tagged as timeline shenanigans!

[pip-n-flinx]

Among Us

So this is going to get long, this is going to get personal, this is going to be about prejudice and race and self-serving bad-faith arguments and flawed rhetoric. And for all of these reasons I’m going to leave the rest of this under the cut.

As a few of my friends will know, earlier this week I was delivered an ultimatum from my landlord/roommate. He disguised it well, telling me he was ‘concerned for my mental health’ that my ‘negativity was dragging the whole house down’ and that I was simply too filthy to live with. I won’t pretend I’m a neat freak, and I can honestly say that I have taken some pains to clean more since, to his surprise and delight, though its particularly hard to take coming from him.

“You’re always so down. It’s making you lazy and thin skinned” You know its funny you should say that, now specifically, because I’ve actually been on the up and up this last week and you didn’t mention this at all in January when I was actually at my worst, or February when I was afraid I was going to have to quit my job, or back during the holiday season when retail work was breaking my back... Only now do you think to check in on me?

“You left a pair of gloves, a letter, and a small wooden trinket on the table!” Indeed I have, as you have left your pair of gloves, well over 21 letters, and regularly set your packages on this same table, including today two packages to be returned to amazon. I didn’t realize I didn’t get to use the table the same way you do.

“You don’t do dishes! except that you did this week, which is cool I guess but still!” You do realize that I actually hand-wash every dish I use within 24 hours of using it, right? And that often the dishes you come to me bitching that I never cleaned are in fact your fiances, yes? Ok good, next question.

“You’re always complaining about work. I don’t mind that you vent, but its all you talk about anymore!” I have either lost or walked away from 4 jobs in this last year, and that has not been easy, or fun. I have worked essential retail jobs the entire pandemic thus far. Additionally, in the months leading up to you storming out of your 75k a year salaried sales job, I had told you to leave it because I could see that it was killing you. You got so fed up with the job that for 4-5 months before you left your grandma-paid-off-my-second-mortgage capitalism-knows-best-pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps-ass spent more time playing valorant and league of legends on the clock than doing actual work. Need I remind you that every time I stepped into your office, or simply stepped upstairs to get ready for work, you would complain about how awful your managers were, or how shitty someone had been to you over the phone? DID I EVER BELITTLE YOU FOR ANY OF THESE THINGS????

The real kicker was that the spark, the moment that started this (at least for him) was me trying to explain why racism and ‘cultural supremecy’ was bad. I had brought to him something I thought we could both agree on, that we could both laugh at. I brought him a series of tweets about how problematic Van Gogh was for studying and imitating traditional japanese painting techniques. He took this, and immediately turned into a piece of the culture wars. Now, I agree, this is an egregious example of trying to ‘cancel’ someone. How cancelling a long dead artist who couldn’t sell his art while he was alive is important is beyond my comprehension, its not as though the market value of these comes up very often, and almost no-one will ever have a chance to buy or reject a Van Gogh. But to him this was emblematic of ‘liberals’ cancelling Seuss and Rowling.

He even went so far as to say that Van Gogh probably ‘did it better’ than the artists he was studying/imitating. Now, this is a huge red-flag to me because this is straight out of the Nazi playbook. This is William Shenker, proposing a theory of music to proof ‘German cultural superiority.’ This, if you will pardon my language, is the real culture war: trying to supplant other cultures art and history with western figures and events.

Now, for those of you who don’t know who I’m talking about, this man is sexist. He doesn’t believe women are equal, complains about women’s sports, and rejects a woman’s right to choose. This man is a transphobe, questioning the logic of ‘safe-spaces’ and allowing people to change their pronouns. This man is a Trump supporter, and voted for him twice. And all of these things I found out years after we became friends. I have in the past contemplated what it would take to cut him out of my life wholesale. Despite our wealth of shared experience and our shared interests, we’ve been drifting apart as he drifts further and further to the right. And he has been drifting. He’s parroted more bad-faith arguments from Ben Shapiro and Tucker Carlson in the last 6 months then he ever did when I first moved in with him.

I have been trying to push back, especially when he says the quiet parts out loud. I try to let him know that it is not acceptable to say he would rather an unarmed black man die that risk that a police officer might be injured. When he compares the people in control of Seuss’ intellectual property and works choose to stop printing less than 6% of his published works to the book burnings in Mao’s china. When he says that its more important to protect teacher from students trolling them by changing their pronouns than it is to protect trans or NB kids. When he espouses his belief that trans and NB kids are ‘just mentally ill.’ Whenever he says any of this shit, I have pushed back. I have tried to halt, or at least slow, his descent towards eugenics and white supremacy and fascism.

It has been to no avail.

And to be honest its exhausting. I wanted to believe that he would trust me, not just to be a moral and thoughtful person, but to be educated and informed on these issues. We went to school together, spent countless hours solving homework and trying to crack games together. If I don’t know the answer to his questions immediately, he often jokes ‘C’mon, you’re supposed to know everything!” and has frequently told me that I’m selling myself short.

But apparently all that trust and all that respect goes out the window when I challenge him. Suddenly I’m ‘overly negative’ or ‘too sensitive’ or he’ll ‘need to look into that, but...’

And the thing is, he is capable of great acts of kindness. He offered to rent me a room in his completely paid-off house, no mortgage at all, simply because he could see living at home was killing my mental health. He offered me 50-75% off of market rate. He buys gifts all the time, has landed tenants job interviews, set people back on their feet, and refused to press charges for several major financial loses he’s taken on the determination that it would do more harm to the defendant than he could ever recoup from it.

But he does not extend this kindness, this generous soul, to everyone. And lately, his circle grows smaller, and his kindess has waned, and it’s been so devastating to see him slip further and further towards his own worst impulses.

I know there will be people who think I should have cut him out of my life years ago, who can’t believe we never talked enough to know that he voted for Trump in 2016. I think back then he was genuinely ashamed, or at least guilty, about that vote. Now? It’s almost a matter of pride for him. I can’t tell you the number of times in the last 4 months that he’s told me that Biden “couldn’t possibly” be as “great” a President as Trump.

And he hides behind this “praise them when they do good, cuff them when they do bad” line and I used to take comfort in it but now... Now it’s clear that it was just a front or excuse for liking these abhorrent people.

I’ve had a couple of hard conversations with some of our mutual friends about what this means for me, and how I interract with the whole group of friends as a whole, in the last 3 days. None of our mutual friends seem to take any of these things as seriously as I do, with my oldest friend even telling me that he ‘can’t imagine’ breaking a friendship off over politics.... I know I know, the caucasity of it all, yes ha ha. And it does make me genuinely worried that I’ll wind up losing the 5-6 close friends that I actually rely on these days over this horrible sonuvabitch. But all this personal venting aside, there’s something bigger here I want to address:

I sat down this evening to watch Last Week Tonight and I was struck by this piece about Tucker Carlson, because while I knew some of what was said on his show, he is remarkably confident for a man who spouts the quiet parts of racism/sexism/homophobia on TV. I have a hard time imaging a more blatantly racist thing to do then declare that a woman who suggested ‘dismantling systems of oppression wherever they are found’ wants to dismantle the American system...

And I have to say, we should go back to punching Nazis. I want these fuckers afraid. I want them to crawl back to the furthest reaches of the internet, relegated to be laughed at for their bigotry by pundits of every political ideology. I want their vile vitriol hidden away where it doesn’t embolden others. I want them to know that they are out of line, out of touch, out of time. I want them to feel ashamed, like the relics of a bygone and worse era that they are, and for them to quietly fade to an ignominious death. I’m tired of seeing them on National News. I’m tired of Pewdiepie’s channel and influence refusing to die despite all the horrible things he’s said and done. I’m tired of Ben Shapiro spouting off about a woman’s place and rights, as if he has any fucking authority on the matter. I just want these people to lose their platforms and their followers. And for me the fact that they haven’t yet is so incredibly discouraging.

I know I didn’t offer any answers here I’m just tired of being alone with this defeated attitude and I guess I needed to get this off my chest as I try to disentangle myself from the losing battle of trying to save a friend from alt-right radicalization.

[ecto-american]

White and Nerdy

Holiday Truce Gift for @idiot-cheesehead-archenemy based on their request for Vlad’s slice of life outside of the Fentons.

On FFN and AO3

Summary: Contrary to belief, Vlad does have hobbies other than spinning in a fancy chair with his cat thinking of evil plots. For example, every Tuesday he dedicates the day to hanging out with his best friend as they both indulged in their crippling, long term addictions: World of Warcraft, with a pinch of Dungeons and Dragons.

Rating: K+

Warnings: Some cursing

Other Notes: Everybody is gay or trans, and you can't stop me.

Running a multi billion dollar empire was stressful, to say the very least. And of course, when you own those businesses, it was easy to work as much or as little as you pleased. Not that Vlad ever found himself taking off too much from work. No, no. He loved running his empire, the meetings and decisions. Whenever he took too much time off, the halfa found himself restless. Vlad craved a full schedule, and he needed things to look forward to.

Though of course, he wasn't all work and no play. There was one day of the week Vlad always, with the exception of business trips, took off or would take easy: Tuesdays. Tuesday was raid day.

And on that Tuesday morning, Vlad paid no mind as he could faintly hear the front door being unlocked and closed. His best friend, his actual best friend (NOT that fool Jack), had keys and was permitted to come over whenever he pleased.

Vlad continued his morning routine lazily, carefully shaving and grooming his beard to his preferred style. Brushed and styled his hair in it's normal ponytail, and he dressed himself. Any other day of the week, Vlad would be putting on his Italian brand name custom suits, always freshly pressed and ironed by a maid. But today was raid day, and so he instead was wearing sweatpants and an oversized Packers sweatshirt. He slipped on his football slippers, and he went downstairs to his computer room.

Not his office, which was expensively decorated with only the most fine and formal, shelves lined with important titles. His computer room, which was expensively decorated for a whole other reason. As he opened the door, he smiled at the shelves full of figurines of his favorite characters, accessories adorning the walls. He knew that most would have a stroke, since he never kept anything in the original box, despite having the entire collection of figurines, statues, busts, everything that would make the most dedicated fan drooling. That was simply stupid in Vlad's eyes, it was made to be admired and displayed, not kept in a box. If any were to break, he could simply buy another, no issue.

They lined shelves that were all over the brightly lit room, with cabinets below that held their boxes. While he didn't keep them in boxes, he of course, still kept them. There were also some books, mostly related to the lore but also game guides and manuals.

He admired his collection for a moment before turning his attention to the middle aged man getting comfortable in one of the three computer setups Vlad had, the far left one. All the setups were, of course, only the best and most advanced, with each desktop having three monitors and leather chairs. Each desk was a large U shaped one, set pressed to each other and near the back wall for the outlets.

"Hey, morning!" Edward Lancer greeted him warmly. Both men were morning people, clear by their chosen professions and schedules. Ed was in his own lounge wear, sweatpants with crocs and an old college t-shirt. "I brought McDonald's." He gestured to the bag that was left on Vlad's desk, alongside a cup of coffee clearly from Vlad's own kitchen.

Had it been any person other than Ed, Vlad would have been mortified over McDonald's. But even billionaires couldn't resist their breakfast, and it was only on Tuesday that he was able to privately indulge. Ed never judged.

"Thank you!" Vlad replied brightly. Ed had his own meal in front of him, sitting facing away from the keyboard as he took his time eating. Vlad joined him, sitting at his desk and doing the same, allowing them to talk face to face as they ate.

"Are you ready to fight the dragon later?" Ed questioned as he cut up his pancakes. "Since we're resting, I've been trying to figure out what spells I should prepare for the day to fight it." Vlad snorted, shaking his head.

"Knowing Harriet, she'll likely make the dragon a red herring that goes down with ease and dick us over with the actual boss that'll be invincible to half our party because it's immune the attacks that destroy the damn dragon," Vlad replied before taking a big sip of coffee. Burning hot, but delicious. Ed chuckled in amusement.

"She's always made it fair though," Ed replied. "Her boss battles are never unbeatable."

"Yeah, but she makes every campaign some Water Temple level meets 90s point and click mystery game difficulty and outrageous puzzle solving," Vlad grumbled.

"I like it, it's good critical thinking practice," Ed replied. "I've used some of her puzzles in the games I DM for the students. Really makes them think rather than just attacking everything. I swear, one of my students, Nathan, he just loves rolling to attack every NPC I make."

"Sounds like a ninny," Vlad said as he took a bite of his greasy fast food. The best part about the summer was Ed not having to teach. They could dedicate the whole day to hanging out. Of course, Ed took up a summer job, but he was able to secure Tuesdays off.

"A bit, but a good kid," Ed always spoke fondly of his students. "You should come in sometime for a game, it'd be fun."

"I think I might," Vlad agreed thoughtfully.

Of course, going to Casper High was always hit or miss. Daniel was there, and it was always nice to be able to check in on the little badger. But as mayor and a billionaire that funded several scholarships, it would be nice publicity to go and have some face time with kids. Many of his high school interns had graduated and left for college, and he was in the market for some new ones. Might be able to find some promising new future employees too. Hm, he'd have to see where he could fit a Casper High visit into his schedule when school began. Vlad would worry about that another time.

"How's their gay club?" Vlad questioned. "You guys just formed one, right?"

"It's got a steady group of kids who come in, very good kids. Many have supportive parents now," Ed explained. The teacher had paused, giving a small sigh. "It's a double edge sword for me. On one hand, I'm so grateful that so many of them can be who they are. But...I don't know. I hate that we never got to have that."

Vlad nodded understandingly. He poked at his breakfast, feeling hunger temporarily leave him as those depressive memories came back.

"I'll forever be thankful that Mother wanted to apologize and make amends before she died," Vlad spoke. "But I'm sorry she missed out on so much because of what I had to do to become happy. At least she passed away recognizing me as her son."

The last memories of his mother was depressing. Elderly and sick with cancer, even with all the money Vlad began to throw at her once she reached out to him after nearly twenty years of refusing to speak to him. Whether his sister wore her down, or it was deathbed regrets. It was an emotional two years, being able to see his mom again.

"Mine's in better shape than me, and they're still calling me by my old name," Ed complained. "I don't think it'll ever change. I try to keep a relationship, cause of the kids, but I don't know if it's even worth it anymore."

Silence hung in the air as they separately mourned for what it all cost them. Of course, it was worth it. Absolutely worth it to be happy, to be comfortable and finally as they should be, but it didn't make the cost any less harsh of a price to pay.

"Their generation will be better," Vlad said firmly. Ed nodded in agreement. "Please let me know if any of them need binders or anything of the sorts."

"I will. I've been thinking about starting a clothing drive for them," Ed explained. "I can probably get the school on board with it if we market it as for the lower income students too. Dressing how you want makes a big difference."

"You get the details sorted out, and I will absolutely financially back you," Vlad promised. Ed smiled.

"Thank you. I may start working on that to propose for this school year," Ed mused.

For the bumbling oaf that Jack was, Vlad had to admit that he was a very loving and caring man. A bit too caring, honestly, it was a bit of a flaw. He had immediately accepted Vlad, and later on his own son. It always warmed him to remember that Daniel had two parents that had immediately gotten him everything a young trans man could ever need. No hesitation, no questioning.

Ed took a final bite of his breakfast before humming happily. He wiped his hands as he pushed to toss his empty containers into the trash can.

"Enough being sad, let's raid," he suggested. Vlad hurriedly took his last two bites before nodding in agreement.

123456789

The raid was broken up with greasy Chinese takeout for lunch, brought to them by a staff. Another guilty pleasure Vlad rarely indulged in. Then, of course, it was a return to games before they changed into their normal attire, sitting down to a home cooked dinner by staff. By the time they were finishing up, their other guests had begun to arrive for the evening plans.

Vlad always hosted the game. It just always made the most sense. He had the most room in his house, nor the distractions of family. Not that he disliked Lance nor Ed's children, they were great, but there was nothing that ruined the immersion of dragon slaying quite like teenage dramatics. And he thought that playing with toddlers in the house was frustrating.

The four sat in yet another room in Vlad's mansion that he had dedicated fully to the hobby. A large round table with Harriet Chin sitting furthest from them. A DM folder that separated her papers from there, just low enough that the halfa could see her smirking to herself as she reviewed her plans. Ed sat to her left, with an empty seat in between them. Another empty seat in between him and Vlad, and yet another separated Vlad from Lance Thunder.

Vlad honestly didn't really know the man that well yet. He was one of Harriet's coworkers that she had dragged into the summer game, as Vlad and Ed needed a third person in the party for this campaign. Their normal fourth and fifth friends, Joe and Frank, were spending the summer with their daughter and their newborn granddaughter. He already missed the pair terribly, especially Frank. Frank would often join in on their World of Warcraft adventures. But Lance was gay, and that made him okay enough for Vlad to accept him into their little queer circle with little complaint.

"I wouldn't get her a car unless she had good grades," Vlad gave his two cents into the conversation. Something about Lance's daughter wanting a car. Lance nodded.

"That's what I've been saying, but Alan keeps saying that if Star had her own car, she could begin driving herself to the library and to school to study, but I just don't buy that," Lance agreed. Vlad knew by now who those people were. Alan was Lance's husband, Star was Lance's daughter from his first marriage. Vlad had seen pictures of Star before. She was a spitting image of Lance. "She's more interested in being with her friends."

"And what does Rene think?" Ed questioned about the ex-wife's opinion. Lance shrugged.

"She doesn't think Star needs a car," Lance replied. "Public transportation isn't bad here, she can always borrow one of our cars, and lots of colleges won't let you have cars as a freshman anyway. So it'd be sitting in the driveway in a year or so for a year anyway."

"Star's going to be a junior, right?" Vlad questioned. Lance nodded. Vlad mentally went over his garage of cars. "When she's able to have a car on her college campus, I'll happily give her a good deal on one of my cars if she has good grades. I'll probably be retiring one of my cars by then. Of course, it's not going to be some beat up piece of junk." Lance's eyes widened.

"I'll definitely keep that in mind," Lance smiled warmly at him.

"Vlad sold my oldest, Ophelia, a car about five years ago. Car still runs like it's new," Ed spoke up.

"Ophelia just began graduate school, didn't she?" Harriet questioned, finally speaking up. She had been nose deep in her campaign notes. Ed nodded.

"She got in at the University of Chicago, full ride," Ed beamed with pride, and Vlad was very proud too. Ophelia, his precious goddaughter, was like a niece to him. Very smart, quick-witted and the only one who could match Ed's passion for literature. Of course, Vlad provided her with that full ride scholarship, as he did with her younger siblings, and eventually he would do the same for Ed's remaining two when they got to that point. No niece or nephew of his was going to college with student debts. "George is set to graduate soon too, this is his last year. Before med school anyway."

Ahh, little Georgie. Vlad got to spend a lot of time with him. He was one of Vlad's interns at Axion Labs. A strong willed boy, good head on his shoulders. Sometimes a little too honest, but the world needed more people like that. Whenever the billionaire stopped by Axion Labs, he always paid a visit to his favorite intern. It was always those times he spent with Ed's children that Vlad regretted not having his own.

"So how's the cat, Vlad?" Harriet asked, giving a small smirk. She could always seem to sniff out his emotions. Damn journalists. They were a bit too observant. Vlad rolled his eyes.

"How's yours?" he asked back. She chuckled.

"Bandit's the happiest boy alive, I just got him a nice new cat tower," she replied. Vlad nodded.

"I just had a new cat house for Maggie built," Vlad told her. Of course, he was never going to admit to his friends, most of them knowing the ghost huntress, that he named his cat after a long term crush. "It's going to be installed in the next week or so. You should bring Bandit over then. Maggie loves him."

"Oh I might," Harriet hummed happily. "It's been a while since Bandit got to hang out with Maggie."

"Does anybody want a drink before we begin?" Vlad questioned.

"Can I have a glass of rosé wine?" Harriet questioned. The billionaire smirked.

"Of course," he replied. He glanced to Ed and Lance.

"Uh, just gimme a beer, you know what I like," Ed shrugged. Lance thought for a moment.

"I may just have some wine too," Lance spoke.

Vlad nodded, and he stood to go to the intercom on the wall. All of the rooms in his house had it for his staff. He pushed it, and he requested the drinks, alongside what he knew to be choice snacks.

Almost as soon as Vlad had sat down, a male staff member came with a tray. It was full of cheese and crackers, popcorn, chips and fondue. Another staff member came with drinks and glasses.

Vlad picked up a beer like Ed, cracking it open and taking a long drink. Of course, in any other company, he'd indulge in wine. Beer was not something one could normally drink at a formal business function, and so he always took advantage of the times he could freely have some.

They began. A small discussion, and as the billionaire expected, the dragon went down easy. Suspiciously easy. Harriet gave the group before her a mischievous grin just over her DM folder. Vlad didn't like this, or that look in her eye.

"So you guys defeated the dragon," the reporter replied slyly. "But there's no loot to collect on him. The dragon dissolves and melts away. Everybody roll for perception and add your stuff. Then tell me what you got."

Oh, he definitely did not like this a single bit. Vlad eyed her coldly as he picked up his dice. Ed and Lance did the same.

"Visual or hearing, I'm missing an eye so I'd have to roll disadvantage otherwise," Ed reminded her.

"Hearing!" Harriet chirped. He nodded.

"Uh, sixteen then," he replied.

"Ten," Lance said.

"Twenty-two," Vlad spoke.

"You hear nothing," Harriet told Lance, pointing to him. She moved her finger to Ed. "You hear a small noise, two voices. But they're a bit muffle, you can't quite make out the entire conversation. But you do hear some words. The general jist of the conversation you can make out is that these individuals have realized you killed the dragon and are here." Harriet pointed to Vlad. "You! However, you can hear everything. It's a rough voice of a masculine figure telling somebody to prepare for battle, somebody has killed their precious dragon. They're going to detect your thoughts to determine your next movements before making their next move."

"I cast detect magic," Vlad replied. Harriet's eyes sparkled.

"It failed," she announced gleefully. Vlad internally groaned, and he could see Ed looking confused. "So what will you guys do."

Lance scratched his temple as he stared at his character sheet. He was not just new to the group, but to the game itself. The weather man studied his sheet for a moment as he tried to think. He took a long sip of his wine before speaking.

"Well uh, I think my guy is just gonna look for the treasure, cause I didn't hear anything," Lance said slowly. "And I'm still really interested in the promised gold."

"I tell him to not, because we should be careful," Ed spoke up quickly. "Because of what I heard."

"You tell your party what you heard?" Harriet questioned. She had leaned back in her seat, a leg over the arm of the chair as she held her beverage. The lesbian lightly swirled her wine in her glass before taking a long drink.

"Yeah, I tell my party what I heard," Ed clarified.

"And I'll tell them what I heard," Vlad agreed. "Because I need these people alive to keep me alive. They're my meat shields." Harriet snickered.

"So the prince never mentioned anything but a dragon being in here," Ed said slowly. "It must be another adventuring party trying to get the treasure. Prince Yamum said he did send several people to collect the family amulet."

"I say we kill them," Vlad suggested. Ed looked at him in disapproval, and Vlad shrugged. "My character's selfish. He doesn't want to share the loot with this party, and he doesn't want to share the rewards for returning the amulet."

"I agree," Lance said slowly. "My guy doesn't want the competition."

"No, no!" Ed said sternly. "We are NOT killing him, he may have useful information for us or be able to help."

"There's two voices, so that's a five way split between treasure," Lance pointed out. Vlad glanced to see Harriet's reaction. She was grinning like a fool, with that distinctive sparkle in her eye. She was absolutely up to something, and she looked like a true super villain. Evil plots forming her mind. Vlad trusted her with nothing, and yet he admired this chaotic evil lesbian. Harriet was his villain goals.

"Harriet, I swear on your grave," Vlad began his threat, only to stop with a frown at Harriet's devilish giggle.

"The individual detects your negative and violent thoughts," she announced cheerfully. She finished off her glass, shifting to have both legs over the armrest, her back against the opposite one. "And they have deduced that you're a threat that needs to be taken care of. Congratulations, boys. You're encountering the real boss." Vlad scowled.

"I knew you were going to do this, you always pull some weird bait and switch thing!" Vlad complained. Harriet smirked. "Lemme guess. It's a, it's a, god what would be the worst thing to fight right now." Vlad racked his mind for a possible enemy. "A rakshasa? Probably with a shield guardian too."

Harriet's smirk only widened. And Vlad knew he was correct.

"Roll for initiative, bitch."

[thefloatingstone]

Somebody asked me for some anime recs. I asked them what kind of genres they’re into but I’m not getting a reply, so here are just some general recommendations for good stuff to watch.

I assume they meant new anime so I’m only focusing on those.

Made in Abyss (2017) (warning for Body horror, violence and gore)

The Abyss—a gaping chasm stretching down into the depths of the earth, filled with mysterious creatures and relics from a time long past. How did it come to be? What lies at the bottom? Countless brave individuals, known as Divers, have sought to solve these mysteries of the Abyss, fearlessly descending into its darkest realms. The best and bravest of the Divers, the White Whistles, are hailed as legends by those who remain on the surface.

Riko, daughter of the missing White Whistle Lyza the Annihilator, aspires to become like her mother and explore the furthest reaches of the Abyss. However, just a novice Red Whistle herself, she is only permitted to roam its most upper layer. Even so, Riko has a chance encounter with a mysterious robot with the appearance of an ordinary young boy. She comes to name him Reg, and he has no recollection of the events preceding his discovery. Certain that the technology to create Reg must come from deep within the Abyss, the two decide to venture forth into the chasm to recover his memories and see the bottom of the great pit with their own eyes. However, they know not of the harsh reality that is the true existence of the Abyss.

Pros:

Ghibli artists working on the backgrounds and environments

likeable characters

crushing atmosphere

incredible world building

Really compelling mysteries

Very emotional

Cons:

The manga its based on has a lot of lolicon bullshit. But the anime has doneits best to either remove or downplay those elements as childhood innocence rather than the author being a creep

Ends without clear answers as we have to wait for season 2

Not for you if you dislike violence or body horror

That Time I got Reincarnated as a Slime (2018)

Thirty-seven-year-old Satoru Mikami is a typical corporate worker, who is perfectly content with his monotonous lifestyle in Tokyo. In the midst of a casual encounter with his colleague, a knife weilding maniac attacks them. Satoru, in shielding his co-worker and his co-worker’s new girlfriend, is fatally stabbed, and dies.

And then he wakes up again. But now, in the body of a blob of slime. In doing so, he acquires newfound skills—notably, the power to devour anything and mimic its appearance and abilities. He then stumbles upon the sealed Catastrophe-level monster "Storm Dragon" Veldora who had been sealed away for the past 300 years for devastating a town to ashes. Sympathetic to his predicament, Satoru befriends him, promising to assist in destroying the seal. In return, Verudora bestows upon him the name Rimuru Tempest to grant him divine protection.

With a goal now, the newly named Rimuru sets out to explore this fantasy world, stumbling into situations where other people need help, and since finding ways to live peacefully is much less hassle, Rimuru does his best to settle conflicts and help people to get along. Mostly because he’s got nothing better to do.

Pros:

Likeable, chilled out protagonist who acts and behaves like an adult

Not the average wish-fullfilment harem-in-disguise type stuff you expect from the average Isekai show

Characters focusing on trying to help each other and be kind without coming across as cheesy or unrealistic

Fun powers and “how are you gonna fix this mess?” situations

Cons:

occasional anime tiddy

Mob Psycho 100 (2016) (If you’ve seen season 1 already then watch season 2)

An Eighth-grader Shigeo "Mob" Kageyama is possibly the most powerful psychic on earth. Which is the only thing he has going for him which, in his opinion, isn’t much. Due to his powers going crazy if he gets overwhelmed by his emotions, Mob has spent his life suppressing his feelings, both negative and positive. As a result, however, Mob is an extremely socially awkward and shy person who struggles to connect to people.

The story follows Mob as he tries to find ways to better himself as a person, aided by the fake psychic Reigen who both uses Mob’s real psychic powers to exorcise ghosts, but also uses his fake con-man skill of charming people and being a smooth talker to help people fix their problems rather than have them rely on a psychic for help. He also acts as a mentor to Mob, not on how to be a better psychic, but on how to mature into a good, capable person. Because according to Reigen “Having psychic powers is just a skill. Some people can run fast, some people can can sing well, some people are good at studying, some people are funny, and some people have psychic powers.”

Now if only the assortment of Cult leaders, Ghosts, Secret organizations and Powerful psychics trying to take over the world could leave him alone.

Pros:

A subversion of the “I must get stronger!” shounen story where the character is already the strongest and needs to focus on being a better person instead.

Probably the best animated show to come out in years

Good uplifting morals

A wacky off-beat art style and sense of humour

Genuinely complex and 3 dimensional characters who are likeable

Really relatable in many ways

Cons:

I can’t think of any tbh

Then we have anime I have on my “to watch” list and come highly recommended but I haven’t seen yet. But I want to recommend them anyway

A Place Further Than The Universe  (2018)

a “Cute Girls Doing Cute Things” show.

Filled with an overwhelming sense of wonder for the world around her, Mari Tamaki has always dreamt of what lies beyond the reaches of the universe. However, despite harboring such large aspirations on the inside, her fear of the unknown and anxiety over her own possible limitations have always held her back from chasing them. But now, in her second year of high school, Mari is more determined than ever to not let any more of her youth go to waste. Still, her fear continues to prevent her from taking that ambitious step forward—that is, until she has a chance encounter with a girl who has grand dreams of her own. Spurred by her mother's disappearance, Shirase Kobuchizawa has been working hard to fund her trip to Antarctica. Despite facing doubt and ridicule from virtually everyone, Shirase is determined to embark on this expedition to search for her mother in a place further than the universe itself. Inspired by Shirase's resolve, Mari jumps at the chance to join her. Soon, their efforts attract the attention of the bubbly Hinata Miyake, who is eager to stand out, and Yuzuki Shiraishi, a polite girl from a high class background. Together, they set sail toward the frozen south.

The Promised Neverland (2019) (warning for violence and gore)

Surrounded by a forest and a gated entrance, the Grace Field House is inhabited by orphans happily living together as one big family, looked after by their "Mama," Isabella. Although they are required to take tests daily, the children are free to spend their time as they see fit, usually playing outside, as long as they do not venture too far from the orphanage—a rule they are expected to follow no matter what. However, all good times must come to an end, as every few months, a child is adopted and sent to live with their new family... never to be heard from again. However, the three oldest siblings have their suspicions about what is actually happening at the orphanage, and they are about to discover the cruel fate that awaits the children living at Grace Field, including the twisted nature of their beloved Mama.

Zombieland Saga (2018)

There’s a good chance you might have heard or seen this one floating around tumblr as its one of the really big, really popular anime to have come out that features a trans main character written and presented in a positive light.

Zombieland Saga is both a satirical parody of Idol anime, a complete embracing of what makes idol anime enjoyable, and a criticism of how the Idol industry treat women and young girls. A lot of the girls in the idol group are the complete opposite of what is considered a “good Idol” from one girl being trans, one girl having been an Oiran many many years ago (a historic proffession for women where they play instruments, perform tea ceremonies and entertain paying guests. As well as being very high class prostitutes) as well as debating and comparing the ideal of an Idol as they were seen in the 80s versus the modern interpretation.

Zombieland Saga is at both times the complete antithesis of everything an Idol anime should be, while also being one of the best examples of the genre at the same time. It also features really well written characters with emotional depth and arcs to them and boasts a lot of good humour to boot.

Yuru Camp△  (2018)

Another “Cute Girls Doing Cute things” anime

While the perfect getaway for most girls her age might be a fancy vacation with their loved ones, Rin Shima's ideal way of spending her days off is camping alone at the base of Mount Fuji. From pitching her tent to gathering firewood, she has always done everything by herself, and has no plans of leaving her little solitary world. However, what starts off as one of Rin's usual camping sessions somehow ends up as a surprise get-together for two when the lost Nadeshiko Kagamihara is forced to take refuge at her campsite. Originally intending to see the picturesque view of Mount Fuji for herself, Nadeshiko's plans are disrupted when she ends up falling asleep partway to her destination. Alone and with no other choice, she seeks help from the only other person nearby. Despite their hasty introductions, the two girls nevertheless enjoy the chilly night together, eating ramen and conversing while the campfire keeps them warm. And even after Nadeshiko's sister finally picks her up later that night, both girls silently ponder the possibility of another camping trip together.

Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai (2018)

You’re gonna look at this gif and that title and think this is some Light-Novel sexy fantasy wish fullfillment bullshit, but I absolutely assure you it’s not.

The rare and inexplicable Puberty Syndrome is thought of as a myth. It is a rare disease which only affects teenagers, and its symptoms are so supernatural that hardly anyone recognizes it as a legitimate occurrence. However, high school student Sakuta Azusagawa knows from personal experience that it is very much real, and happens to be quite prevalent in his school. Mai Sakurajima is a third-year high school student who gained fame in her youth as a child actress, but recently halted her promising career for reasons unknown to the public. With an air of unapproachability, she is well known throughout the school, but none dare interact with her—that is until Sakuta sees her wandering the library in a bunny girl costume. Despite the getup, no one seems to notice her, and after confronting her, he realizes that she is another victim of Puberty Syndrome. Mai’s unapproachability and air of not wanting to interact with people has manifested that it is now borderline impossible for people to physically notice her. Or in some cases see her at all. As Sakuta tries to help Mai through her predicament, his actions bring him into contact with more girls afflicted with the elusive disease.

Bunny Girl Senpai is an anime that deals with Societal pressures, especially as they apply to teenagers, as well as being a criticism of the Japanese mentality of “not rocking the boat” and in dutifully conforming and falling in line with what society dictates is “proper behavior”. It has the running theme that this mentality of just accepting the way things are and not doing anything to change it is unhealthy, and does more harm than good.

Dororo (2019) (warning for violence and Gore)

A samurai lord has bartered away his newborn son's organs to forty-eight demons in exchange for dominance on the battlefield. Yet, the abandoned infant survives thanks to a medicine man who equips him with primitive prosthetics—lethal ones with which the wronged son will use to hunt down the multitude of demons to reclaim his body one piece at a time, before confronting his father. On his journeys the young hero encounters an orphan who claims to be the greatest thief in Japan. 

An anime adaptation of one of Osamu Tezuka’s manga, but deciding to go for an updated, darker art style to match its mature tone.

Dororo is currently still airing but so far reviews are extremely high.

Anyway I hope those are enough to give you at least one new show to check out.

[myordinaryinternational]

Reminiscing about my NEET past.

For the most of my life, maybe without realizing it, I’ve been a very extroverted person, even if I spent pretty much all of my social life online.

(alot of the screenshots in this post are taken out of order, like a highlight reel more than anything, and they are VERY fucking cringe.) Going as far back as I can remember, I have always managed to surround myself with a decently sized group of people. When I was 13, I was Dio on the Degree-Gaming Jailbreak servers on Team Fortress 2, I had my own minigame I made up, “Dio’s Diner” where people would pretend to make a dish, I would rate it, and give them a gladiatorial thumb. I had no clue why people liked to play it. But even still, I became a regular and people started to miss me when I didn’t log on. This got to the point I started rubbing elbows with the staff team, and I nearly got a position, but I turned it down for the sake of simplicity.

Of course there was a girl. There’s always a girl, and a bro. Like some kind of formula that has to be filled, there’s a romance and a bromance. In this case, the girl was another regular by the name of “Lapis”  and the bro also a regular, who went by “CringeSimulator” Sorta weird names, but who doesn’t choose a weird one when they’re 13.

Lapis was the first girl I ever met who I kinda liked. But the nature of our relationship never went further than flirting. Neither of us felt qualified to enter a relationship. And so we didn’t. That being said we kept a habit of looking out for eachother when drama crept around the server.

Cringe, he was a friggin lunatic, but looking back on our DMs, I wish I appreciated him more. He was a fun guy, but he was really deadset on becoming an opiate addicted femboy. While I was more set on living to see a day I would leave my room on a regular basis. 

This is a screenshot from when I found him in a trap thread on /b/, we were both 13 at the time, and he did post pictures of himself. Godspeed you magnificent dumbfuck.

When I was 14, I was Akio, or VCLeijon in the Smolmuffin’s Oven Discord server. It was here that I went through phases where different people filled the different parts of what I considered the formula. 

There’s nothing I could compare to the experience of being in a small community discord. nights of staying awake just to see who could put together the stupidest sentence, playing roblox, ironically or unironically. whispering in eachother’s DMs about who we all liked, or who was in the center of drama. 

I liked a lot of people there, Maylin was the first, I guess. She was a complete idiot, but the kind of idiot you couldn’t help but pity enough to keep around. She had an incredible nymphomaniac aura that she spent on calls with every guy in our little server. Myself included. It is because of this reason there exists a picture of my erection held next to an empty can of monster for a size comparison.  hormones, am i right?

Maylin fell out of standing with a lot of people in our community though, she was so dumb at times that she ended up hurting people, one poor dependent soul named Rafe ended up in the hospital when he realized that his girlfriend, Maylin, was the furthest thing from loyal.

That or he was already in the hospital. My memory is hazy and the logs for this stuff are on dead accounts.

After Maylin, Floof was next, He was trans and pre-op/meds, but he had an “UwU” voice that did something to my head. At first he said he was a 15 year old voice actor, and kept his voice high for practice, but he was also a bad liar.

 After he came clean, because I was 14, and he was 13, the slightest inclination of attraction was enough to make us both dive headfirst into a relationship. The only obstacle to that was, his boyfriends.  They wanted a polygamous relationship, but I didn’t fly with that.

again, hormones, am i right..? After Floof, I spent some time just relaxing with my buds until my pal Matt introduced a school friend into our server. At first she was disgusted by my really, really edgy ways. But after that she soon found something charming about me, and we ended up talking every night. Many nights I’d fall asleep to her whispering lewd things into my earphones. It was too easy for me to forget that I was 14, and she was 18.  Grooming? Pedophilia? Maybe.  Fun? Definetely.

She started some drama with the others in our groupchat, and we sorta fell out of contact. Soon after, I drifted from that friend group as well. I looked her up recently, and she’s fell off quite a bit, now a she/they/fae, she/they/fae is a streamer, with not too much success. After I drifted away from that group, I was sorta alone. When I was 15, I was Akio, on After The Flash: Sandstorm. After The Flash was a post-apocalyptic roleplay game.  You make a character, you put yourself on the map, and you pretend to be someone with more interesting flaws than the ones you have in real life. Akio’s flaws were that he had a need to fend off sobriety at all costs. Constantly drinking and smoking whenever he felt sad, coupled with an intense fear of being alone. Leading to him spending his every last cent on rum and coke’s at Cara’s Korean BBQ in the center of craterview.  Cara’s real name was Jasmin, a really short girl from the gold coast.. She was 14 when we met, and.. well, the reasons I only have a few screenshots for everyone else is that nothing else I said to them or vice versa was that interesting, however with Cara.. Nothing else we said to eachother was appropriate.

From mutually consented light blackmail to, *very* detailed paragraphs on what we wanted eachother to do, or to do to eachother.. we spent almost every night of the month texting eachother. 

After our roleplay group broke up, we both had school to start, so we eventually fell out of contact. Even with the few more times I texted her, the same spark didn’t come back. 

Next post will be about the actual communities, and more of the bros.

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

[taz-writes]

25 Writing Questions

@whycanthisnotbeeasier tagged me in this pretty massive tag game, which is pretty cool! Thanks for the attention! Here goes nothing... 

1. Is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

A few of them, for a few reasons! The most obvious is Book 3 in my Feilan series, under the working title Storm and Shadow (it’s edgy I know). Reason being, it just got too damn messy. The end of book 3 is the low point of the whole series in every available subplot--so many things go wrong, a few MASSIVE things happen that are game-changers for book 4, and it’s hands down the most difficult scene I’m going to have to write for this series. When it came down to it, I couldn’t do that. The real end of the story at book 4 wasn’t that clear to me either, which is a major problem. So what I’m doing now is working backwards, a little bit. I’ll return to the Purple Sands once and for all after I’ve tackled book 4 and I know where I’m actually going with this. 

Also, I’ve been delaying work on a few other baby WIPs because they’re just not developed enough to see the light of day yet. But that’s pretty minor. 

2. What work of yours, if any, are you embarrassed about existing?

Uhhhhhh... literally the entirety of the original drafts of books 1 and 2. They’re beautifully-written bullshit. Also there’s some really bad Homestuck fanfiction from six years ago still floating around the Internet somewhere under an old pseudonym of mine. I like to pretend it doesn’t exist. 

3. What order do you write in? Front of book to back? Chronological? Favorite scenes first? Something else?

I like to write front-to-back, which in my case is the same as chronological. I’m a bit of a pants-er, and my outlines often don’t make any sense once I’m actually a few chapters in and I realize that the planned plot point coming next is painfully out of character (or just impossible in general). I tend to use the exciting parts as motivators to get me through when I get writer’s block. 

4. Favorite character you’ve written?

Violet. Hands down, indubitably, Violet Ravenhart. She’s probably the best fictional character I’ve ever created--she has so many layers to her, and she’s so nuanced, and genuine and close to my heart in ways I never expected. I think I’ve done a really great job creating her, and I only hope I can write her as well as she deserves. 

5. Character you were most surprised to end up writing?

Kyrina, I think... she was originally supposed to be something COMPLETELY different than what she’s become. All of my villains used to be really two-dimensional and flat, but Ky’s come the furthest away from there. She used to be an Azula expy? Now she’s just a dumbass. 

6. Something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late / complicated to change now

Part of me wants to say that I’m proud of everything I’ve made, and I do plan to stick to my guns, but there are a lot of aspects of Feilan’s worldbuilding that are incredibly messy. The magic system is the most obvious... if I could go back and change that, and make it significantly less complicated and hard to understand, then I probably would. But the whole thing is built into the structure of the world, and I’m emotionally attached, and besides, it’s unique! It’s definitely got plus sides. 

When it comes to things like that, I’m more likely to retcon or explain the weird thing than erase it altogether. Any dumb trope can work if you write it the right way. 

7. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

Oh god, I love telling people about my stories. I talk about Being A Writer all the time! I don’t share my work very often, though. 

8. Favorite genre to write

Fantasy!

9. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

I like to take walks, or just go sit alone in places. I draw my spirit and energy in writing from the natural world... when I feel drained and creatively empty, I go to the creek behind my house, or I take a walk around Schenley if I’m at school. It even helps to just sit outside for a while. Nature inspires me. 

10. Write in silence or with background music? Alone or with others?

Depends on the scene! Always alone, though. Other people tend to distract me. I write with background music most of the time, but if I’m working on poetry or the scene is particularly intense then I turn it off. My writing style, especially in emotional moments, is very reliant on the rhythm of the words. Having music in the background interrupts the natural flow. 

11. What aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

DIALOGUE. Dear lord, I used to be so bad at dialogue. I’ve also improved at plotting, but that improvement is... nebulous. 

12. Your weaknesses as an author?

I like tropes, and I also like doing weird stuff. I often like both of these too much, resulting in plots that jump from point to point with little clarity. I’m also a consistent retconner, so my characters’ motivations and goals can change with little to no warning. I’m working on that. 

13. Your strengths as an author?

I’ve been told that my prose has a very strong flow to it, especially in descriptive passages. So for all my faults with the construction of my stories, my actual mechanical writing is consistently excellent. And I’m also a fan of my character concepts, even when I don’t write them out as well as they maybe deserve. 

14. Do you make playlists for your work?

Absolutely! I have spotify playlists for most of my stories and all my main characters. I don’t actually listen to those while I’m writing, I prefer listening to video game music, but making playlists for my writing is a lot of fun. 

15. Why did you start writing?

Because I couldn’t find any books that told stories I wanted to read, so I decided I’d make them myself. I wanted to read stories with characters who dressed like me and thought like me and did amazing things without people questioning it all the time. Also, I wanted stories with fairies who weren’t vapid useless girly-girls. 

16. Are there any characters who haunt you?

Most of them, at some point or another. All of my main characters in Feilan are manifestations of some part of me. I wrote Violet to cope with depression in high school, Dusk came directly from how trapped I felt when my parents wouldn’t listen to anything I said, Sayara is the physical manifestation of righteous fury against the world. So their muses lean pretty hard into me when I start running into those problems again. 

17. If you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

Please use an outline. I know they “cramp your style,” but please, for the love of God, use a freaking outline. And figure out the ending FIRST. 

18. Were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? What were they?

Yes!! Some of those were things I watched more than things I read, but it still counts. I was really into the Redwall books as a kid, and they’re a direct cause of the weird tropiness inherent in my early writing. I think I still favor a lot of cheesy tropes that I learned there--I like to think I write them with more nuance, though. The TV show Avatar was also a MASSIVE influence in how I create stories and characters. I mentioned earlier that Kyrina used to be an Azula expy, but on a larger scale ATLA introduced me to grey morality that works. Zuko’s redemption arc is on a level I strive for to this day. Rick Riordan’s books inspired my character voices, I’ve always liked his humor and his writing showed me that you don’t have to cling so closely to traditional grammar rules to write well. Fullmetal Alchemist was another big influence on my stories’ morality, 

There are probably more, but I don’t remember any right now. 

19. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, etc.?

See: Taz’s greatest flaws as a writer. 

Jokes aside, I like to keep one single print paper outline for each story that I’m working on. I’ll write out notes to myself there, create a chapter-by-chapter outline, and edit things in the outline as I go. They’re a great time capsule of all the things I’ve retconned over the course of my series. Recently I’ve also started using Evernote to track things digitally, but I’m still figuring out how it works. 

20. Do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Both! Depends on the day. I write when I have the spark and the attention span, and I write for however long it lasts. 

21. What do you think when you read over your older work?

Some of my old work is actually quite good! So I’ll appreciate that for what it is. The parts that are less good I laugh at, and I’ll send excerpts to my friends going “hey look at this ridiculous bullshit I created three years ago isn’t it funny??” 

22. Are there subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

Yeah. There are a lot of uncomfortable things lurking on the periphery of Feilan that I’m super awkward with. Violet’s trans-ness is the main one that comes to mind, because I want to confirm it in canon but there’s really no way she would ever bring it up of her own volition. Sayara’s too stupid to notice anything and definitely wouldn’t be rude enough to ask about it if she did. There’s also, well, the fa Viandre situation. I’ve avoided going into too much detail about the abuse there, but every situation with Dusk and fa Viandre gives me the willies. I write it because I think it’s important, and it’s a powerful arc, but it’s fucked up. 

More generally? Sex scenes are uncomfortable to write in general for me, I don’t mind reading them but writing them is super awkward. Romance in general can be that way sometimes. I just don’t know how to handle it. 

23. Any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

I don’t know if there’s anything obscure, necessarily. I think being a musician helped my writing improve, because I’m very sensitive to what Sounds Good, and with poetry especially it’s become more of an instinct than conscious knowledge. 

24. Have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

I wouldn’t say I’ve ever become an expert on anything in the interest of research, but I’ve become moderately proficient with a few things. I’m in the process of learning everything I can about conlangs so that I can finally give all my made-up words some internal consistency, so that’s cool. I took a couple group fencing lessons. I’m pretty lazy about my research, honestly, and when I don’t already know something I lean towards just making it up from wholecloth. 

25. Copy / paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of.

I knelt by the crack, peering into it, hoping, even as the desperate stillness grew stronger and the silence did not change and time almost seemed to stop.

Cool starlight slid like molten silver through the shimmering gaps in the trees, sinking into the world around me. This cool starlight illuminated everything: the pocks and picks in ancient stone, and the knife-point edges of blades of growing grass, and the dust that had settled upon the little hiding place and the child’s bones it hid. 

-

This is an old excerpt, from my newer draft of book 2. I think I wrote this almost exactly two years ago. I’m rather fond of it, though. This is Feilan’s aesthetic in a nutshell. 

This was an essay at the end, but also a tag game, so... @jade-island-lives @firewritten @thewingwriter @lady-redshield-writes, if yall wanna do this, go for it! No obligation of course. :) Anyone else who sees this and thinks it’s cool, feel free to do it and say I tagged you, too! 

[freedom-of-fanfic]

I have been reading and reblogging some of your posts and wanted to thank you for that detailed account. I have been out of fandom for a while, and antis really baffled me at first. But now I have a question: Could you talk some more about how current antis relate back to the LJ social justice scene and when the morph from debating fanworks to dissing people happened? Thank you!

I’m glad you’ve been enjoying this blog!

I think this reddit post does a nice job of summarizing the history of fandom and how it’s led to our current point. But I’m going to go more into how tumblr’s very structure led to a ‘race to the bottom’ sort of enacting of punishment via social justice.

Almost all of this is from personal observation, having been here since late 2010.

To get more into the actual history of it: Racefail ‘09 is the name given to the big, public 2009 debates about racism in genre fiction (published fantasy and sci-fi), which happened primarily on livejournal and private websites. (Racefail was itself the result of the rising awareness of social justice in the real world thanks to the democratization of information via the internet.) Racefail raised a couple of big questions: were non-white (and non-straight/non-cis/non-male) creators being silenced and erased in published genre fiction? And were the stories being told primarily racist/sexist/homophobic and lacking in representation for non-white/Western cultures (and LGBT+/queer/female stories)?

From everything I’ve read I feel like a lot of good came out of these talks; in particular, it greatly raised the awareness of social justice in genre fiction and fandom spaces - which had been there before, but not quite so prominent.  But one major bad came out of it: it revealed, via the shitty behavior of one member of the genre fiction community, how social justice could easily be used as a silencing tactic by applying arguments meant to dismantle power structures to individuals who may (or may not!) benefit from those power structures.

Fast-forward to 2010-2012 tumblr. LJ has undergone multiple journal purges and partial restorations, been bought out by a Russian company, and - final straw - changed the way anonymous threaded posts were handled, ending its value as a space for anon memes like kinkmemes. Fandom dispersed. A not-insignificant number of us eventually end up on tumblr, and those of us coming from LJ have brought with us a greater awareness of social justice, particularly lgbt/queer culture and feminism.

At the same time, Facebook has opened its doors to everyone instead of only allowing college students to use it. Facebook has almost single-handedly popularized the notion of making your offline life publicly available online.  Gone are the days of keeping your age, real name, and offline identity hidden; we share everything except maybe last names and exact locations.

Tumblr democratizes the fandom experience like never before. Livejournal and forums had moderators; tumblr has none.  Communities are gone - instead we have tags where people gather to talk about shared interests. People who previously felt shut out, forced to be ‘lurkers’ because they had nothing to say, could now have a blog and share the work of others via reblogging. The main way to gain social capital is by having the most followers and therefore the most widespread content.

But tumblr is a weird experience compared to other blogging sites because at the time it was the only one with a ‘reblog’ function. any one post can go absolutely viral and the people who see it beyond your immediate circle will lack the context of the rest of your blog. This means that either every single post needs to be entirely self-contained … or get wildly misunderstood. (Guess which one happens.) It also means that that the posts that spread the fastest and furthest are the short, witty ones or - you guessed it - the controversial ones. Finally, people tend to not fact-check - if something is interesting and seems believable, people reblog it uncritically. Tumblr’s dashboard structure actively encourages people to not leave their dash to look at provided external links - you’ll lose your ‘place’ on your endless-scrolling dash, and the little ‘home’ button in the corner is reminding you how many new posts have been created since you last refreshed. You don’t have time to fact-check.

Controversy without context is polarizing - without the original context, people provide their own context and agree or disagree based on a bunch of assumptions. Tumblr is a breeding ground for this. Opinions don’t get more nuanced - they get more vitriolic, more sharp and quick-witted.  And with people not bothering to fact-check or click linked information, misinformation spreads like wildfire.

The early experience of fandom on tumblr is one of widespread acceptance. Possibly because FB does this, people feel safe to share their age, sexuality, and gender on their tumblr profiles - and those identities get more and more specific as people learn more about gender identities and sexual orientations that are off the gender binary. People spread educational posts about queer/LGBT+ culture, feminist theory, and racism alongside fandom posts.  The importance of minority representation in the media is a hot topic and posts that criticize media for their lack of (or bad) representation get thousands of notes. Social justice theory - fighting the appropriation of colonized cultures by imperialists, promoting the voices of the oppressed over those of the privileged, the right to be angry because of the oppression and trauma you’ve experienced, not tone-policing people who have been hurt, and not erasing the experiences of others - are widely discussed.

A lot of good came out of this, too, but I believe a natural backlash resulted. Earnestly working to promote the voices of the least privileged and trying to avoid silencing or erasure, what started as an effort to even out the social strata gradually became a kind of reversed social strata. People who were oppressed on any axis could not be corrected by anybody of lesser oppression - it was considered to be silencing. People could not say their feelings had been hurt by a marginalized person’s word choice - that was tone policing. 

And this led to a secondary, and probably lesser conclusion: people who identified as ‘privileged’ - that is, white, cis, straight, mentally well, able-bodied, (and male) - felt guilty for all the privilege they had. and the promotion of marginalized voices over their own - the tendency to tell people, regardless of the validity of their points, that if they were privileged their voice did not matter - to escape their privilege, at least on tumblr.

I think we hit Peak Tumblr in 2012-2013-ish. Non-human and nonbinary identities proliferated. Asexuality awareness exploded, as did other lesser-known sexualities and paraphilias.  People wondered what it meant to be trans in a world with no gender binary. People self-diagnosed severe mental illnesses.  And this unto itself wasn’t a bad thing!   Probably many people learned a lot about themselves from the openness and acceptance.

However: there’s no way to know how much of this was from people self-discovering and how much was from people who realized that unless they had some axis of oppression they could point to they could be silenced.  And people were extremely open about these identities as well: despite all of the talk about social awareness, interactions on tumblr suggested that most people still assumed that everyone else was white, cis, straight, able-bodied and mentally well (and therefore completely unaware of social issues and in need of education). And due to how tumblr’s reblogging system could separate posts entirely from the context of the original poster’s blog and personal details, this assumption happened a lot!

Whatever the actual numbers of people who were self-discovering versus self-deluding, this extreme acceptance got its own natural backlash. It wasn’t possible for everyone on tumblr to be oppressed, but everyone on tumblr seemed to be finding some way to be marginalized - they weren’t cis, they were ‘a demigirl’. They weren’t straight, they were ‘gray asexual’.  There had to be some way to distinguish the real marginalized people from the fakers.*

Enter gatekeeping - which seems reasonable enough at first, given the sheer number of people who are claiming to be part of the marginalized club. People start making fun of ‘transtrenders’ and ‘starselves’ and say ‘heteroromantic demisexuals’ are ‘just normal’. People call one another ‘cishet’ specifically to erase their gender identity/sexual orientation.

This environment makes tumblr ripe for radfems, who greatly benefit from people putting limits on what identities other people can have. And radfems feed the gatekeeping mentality, leading to more and more policing of one another on tumblr instead of acceptance.  Instead of trusting others to be honest about their gender identity, sexual orientation, race or mental health, people increasingly decide the identity and experiences of others based on whether or not they say and do the right things.  Conversely, if you say or do the wrong things you are ostracized and your identity is erased using the reverse social strata of tumblr: ’cishet’ becomes shorthand for ‘ignorant asshole’ - and ignorant assholes are not to be listened to.

One no longer has to identify wrongly to have the wrong identity to be worth listening to. One only has to do the wrong thing.

So how does this tie back to debating fanworks vs dissing people?  Well: tumblr isn’t just the home of social justice. It’s also the home of fandom, and these two spaces heavily overlap.

Like our genre fiction friend that I mentioned back at the beginning of this long-ass post, tumblr had already begun - with the best of intentions - to silence people for having the wrong level of marginalization.  And when radfems and gatekeepers entered the scene, one’s level of marginalization became a function of how you behaved.  Now you had to behave right to have the right to be listened to - and fanworks, far from being the exception, are the rule for determining if people behave ‘right’ in fandom spaces.

In other words: debating fanworks/fan opinions and dissing people have become the same thing.  If a fanwork is for the wrong pairing, that makes a person a bad person.  And bad people are only able to create bad fanworks.

This attitude is how you get things like ‘if you ship [x] you’re straight’ and ‘oh, you ship [x], your opinion on this unrelated social justice issue is invalid’ or ‘i’m not surprised to find that this person is [x]-phobic, they created problematic fanworks.’

And that’s where we’re at today.

Man this is much. I’m sorry for your eyes.

*And in case it isn’t obvious, I think policing sexual orientations and gender identities is nonsense - demigirls and gray-ace people count as much as everyone else.