#bian shi

[ttoca]

Cao Cao Only Hires Professionals...

[freisende]

Passing by Past Times by Freiya

Thousand Autumns Fanfiction

📌Tags: ✲ Yan Wushi/Shen Qiao ✲ Others: Qi Fengge (Past), Little Shen Qiao, Little Yu Ai, Little Yuan Ying, Little Xie Ling, Young Yan Wushi (Past)

↓ Link below ↓

✲ Chapters are still ongoing. ✲ Start from chapter 1 here:

✤ Read my other fics here! (●'◡'●) ✤ For translations, here. ✤ For more discussions and perspectives, here. ✤ For meme, here! If you like my writing, please consider giving me a tip through Ko-fi! 😊 ✤ More information (commission, messages, requests): Carrd

[haru-with-mdzs]

Bian Yanmei is my favourite character, but he's not there enough(I'm currently reading book 2), I like Yan Wushi more than Shen Qiao but if you're gonna make Shen Qiao cry, Istg I'll personally come after you.

He's like a little cupcake that I'm gonna keep in my pocket.

[tequilamovie]

Winter Begonia | Bin Bian Bu Shi Hai Tang Hong | 鬓边不是海棠红

[takeshitakyuuto]

[toaster-fire-art]

good morning! (its 3 am)

Have this thousand autumns wip that i will ultimately forget about for the next 3 months (because i got distracted rereading lord seventh)

[niconiiicotine]

New ship idea my friends

So hear me out yu shengyan (thousand autumns) x xue meng(erha) plus Shi mei (erha) x bian yanmei (thousand autumns) with a little silly moment that poped into my head

Xue meng was walking through the streets of a random town he was sent to on a mission with his shixhong when he heard some noises coming from an aley way that sounded like his shixhong "shi mei?" He called out walking over seeing his shixhong and a unknown man they looked to be fighting but on closer inspection shi mei had a small flush on his face ". . . Shi mei? Who's this" he asked the two stoping "this is . . . Bian yanmei" he said the two quickly stepping away from echother "bian yanmei like yu shengyan's shixhong? What is he doing here I thought they left" xue meng asked "I am here for scouting for shizun" he said crossing his arms over his chest "and how do you know about yu shidi" he said his face stirn but neutral "hes a frenemy? I think I'm not sure he kinda is weird" he said a small flush rising to his cheeks

When Yu shengyan was later questioned by bian yanmei about the "Xue meng" person he quickly brushed it off but bian yanmei could see the small red on his ears knowing what the deal was "someone is like shizun I see" bian yanmei said but yu shengyan quickly stomped off ignoring his shixhong's proclamations

Sorry if it's a bit ooc I'm not done with both books d: I hope you like the ship idea (please see the vision)

[namjhyun]

DRAMA REVIEW | You Are Desire (2023)

From the very start I was very impressed with this drama. The first episode felt grounded in reality and presented all the main characters as young adults behaving like such but also with a level of maturity that felt respectful. Sometimes youth dramas don't know how to balance the growing pains, friendship and romance but You Are Desire does it perfectly.

Xia Feng Yan created a story with solid development based on actual growing from well rounded characters that act and react in ways that feel natural. I am amazed this is her first project and I will keep an eye on her because she has a bright future.

Deng Ke (My Huckelberry Friends) also started in the industry as a screenwriter before transitioning into directing, so it was a perfect fold for Xia's story. He understood the assignment and complemented the script with beautiful cinematography, camera movements and choice of cast.

This drama could have died in the hands of a lesser cast but Zhou Yiran and Zhuang Dafei carried the drama flawlessly. Most of the story centers around them and how they interact with others when loneliness has been a part of their young lives for a long time. The supporting cast were also at their best, each with their own lives and struggles which made them well rounded individuals and not an artifact to push the leads's story.

All of these elements created a beautiful group of people dealing with different experiences. A slice of life drama where we understand the world is not always fair and parents make mistakes; where people need to learn to grieve in a healthy way. That families can all look very different from each other and that's okay as long there's love. That you don't always pass the university exam and your workplace might suck. A world where you fall in love and support one another as you grow together with a clear understanding of each other. That life can be sweeter when you are surrounded of good people who truly appreciate you.

Overall, You Are Desire it's a wonderful story that enjoyed from the very first episode to the last one. Criminally underrated, for sure, as I don't understand how more people are not talking about what is probably one of 2023's best cdramas.

[gege]

Hiii, how are you? I hope you are doing ok! <3 sending love and hugs. I wanted to ask you... i think i remember something about tgcf having live action adaptation. Was that real or was just a dream i had or something? If it's real do you know if we will have it or what happened to the project? Idk if my mind made that up! sorry and thanks :)

Hiii Anon!

No, it's not some mad collective fever dream we all had, they really did film it (6 months of shooting between July 2021 and January 2022). Native title is 吉星高照 (Ji Xing Gao Zhao) English title is Eternal Faith.

If we ever get to see it is another matter, i probably don't need to say the main reason is because it's a danmei adaptation - it'll have a harder time passing the censors than the average cdrama. Since the popularity of other dangais it seems the censors have become stricter in any case. Job one is always going to be passing the censors.

While checking chinese websites and articles I did find several sources of a rumour that the site security punched a girl who was visiting the set. I can't vouch for the reliability of this but anything that can potentially attract criticism can delay a cdrama release further. Other criticisms include the casting of the male leads, how cheap the set design and costuming look, and a cancelled actress who may have to remain uncredited.

So it will need to satisfy the censors in order to be relased, as well as satisfy the general public and tgcf fans to be worth releasing and I'm not sure if it can do it all. If all goes well and it does ever pass censorship, we won't get a release date in advance. I don't know if you've ever experienced waiting for a cdrama release but you will not get much warning when it airs. It will likey drop with a couple days warning in form of internet rumours, or just completely out of the blue.

HAVING SAID THAT - another rumour is that a full costume bl drama like the untamed will be released internationally in Sept 2024, bypassing a Chinese release. It's just a rumour but it does make this webpage very interesting! But please remember everything above and not get too excited just yet 😂.

I'm gonna share some set photos just because 😍

Zhai Xiaowen as Xie Lian

Zhang Linghe as Hua Cheng/San Lang/Crimson Rain Sought Flower

Chang Huasen as Shi Qingxuan/Wind Master & Tian Xuning as He Xuan/Ming Yi/Earth Master

Vin Zheng as Nan Feng & Li Fancheng as Fu Yao (+ bonus Wind Master)

Liu Lingzi as Xuan Ji

Liu Jinyan as Ling Wen & Wang Yueyi as Female Wind Master

Xiao Kaizhong as Feng Xin/Nan Yang & Cai Yao as Mu Qing/Xuan Zhen

Bian Tianyang as Qi Rong/Prince Xiao Jing/Green Ghost

Lu Yuxiao as Yushi Hung/Rain Master. She played Shangguan Qian in My Journey to You, but as she was fairly unknown at the time of filming jxgz so there are no photos to be found of her as Rain Master 😩.

Anyway, let's all quietly try to will this into existence with physic powers etc.

Thanks for sending me an ask, have a lovely day anon!

(∩^o^)⊃━☆

[ttoca]

Bian Yuexiang, Cai Wenji and Diaochan Havin' A Girl's Night Out!

Sorry I've been absent for a while. I have a lot of catching up to do.

But yeah, these three are kind of Cao Cao's 'Confidantes'. Only Bian Yuexiang is his actual romantic partner but Cai Wenji has been his best friend and something of a mentor since he first arrived in Luoyang while Diaochan, a quiet but astute handmaiden of the Imperial Palace, has looked out for Cao Cao and kept him informed of the goings-on in the capital. Diaochan is also closely enamoured with Bian Yuexiang while the two look out for Cai Wenji, treating her like the little sister they never had.

The expressions on the 'photo-slide' were particularly fun.

[freisende]

A Painting of Yan Wushi and...? 🖼️ by Freiya

Thousand Autumns Fanfiction

📌Tags:

✲ Yan Wushi/Shen Qiao ✲ Other characters: Yu Shengyan, Bian Yanmei

↓ Link below ↓

✤ Read my other fics here! (●'◡'●) ✤ For translations, here. ✤ For more discussions and perspectives, here. ✤ For meme, here! If you like my writing, please consider giving me a tip through Ko-fi! 😊 ✤ More information (commission, messages, requests): Carrd

[accio-victuuri]

wait.. i’m literally on here or weibo almost 24/7 ( as you can tell lol ) but I feel like i missed something. i’m seeing clowning related to xz’s photos and how it looks like he is a groom and it’s a wedding photoshoot. the place is also famous for wedding shoots ( allegedly, idk. i’m not from there ) so turtles are imagining again. lol. freakin coincidence that wyb’s GRA photoshoot was done at a wedding shop. plus the “wedding outfits” for weibo night. which is all clowning and galaxy braining.🌌

now, we’re joking around, like where’s yibo? he should be taking photos with his partner.

then i see comments that there is this one song WYB recently listened to. meaning, as recent as when XZ flew to singapore which is called 超人不会飞 (superman can’t fly) by Jay Chou. i know WYB and everyone else is a big fan of Jay Chou but the clowning comes from the timing of when he listened to it. let me get to that first.

here is the song if you wanna listen to it. 🎶

turtles are interpreting it as WYB longing to “fly” to where XZ is and be with him but he can’t because of all his work commitments. he wants to take a breather. thinking about what his life is and the constraints, and at times like this, when they spent days in Beijing, but now they have to be apart, it affects him even more.

however when i read the lyrics, it could also be because he can relate to what jay chou is singing about. here’s the english translation i found here. i have bolded the ones i felt like WYB relates too. literally no need for explanation. just read it. It fits with his status in life so much that it’s almost scary.

妈妈说很多事别太计较

ma ma shuo heng duo shi bie tai ji jiao

Mum said one should not be too fussy over most matters

只是使命感找到了我 我睡不着

zhi shi shi ming gan zhao dao le wo wo shui bu zhao

But my sense of mission found me and i can't sleep over it

如果说骂人要有点技巧

ru guo shuo ma ren yao you diao ji qiao

If scolding someone requires some skills

我会加点旋律你会觉得 超屌

wo hui jia diao xuan lu ni hui jue de chao diao

I will add a tune and you will feel it's very cool (diao)

我的枪不会装弹药（弹药）

wo de qiang bu hui zhuang dan yao (dan yao)

My gun is not loaded with ammunition

所以放心不会有人倒（人倒）

suo yi fang xin bu hui you ren dao (ren dao)

So don't worry, nobody will collapse

我拍青蜂侠不需要替身 因为自信是我绘画的颜料

wo pai qing feng xia bu xu yao ti sheng yin wei zi xin shi wo hui hua de yan liao

I don't need a double for The Green Hornet because confidence is the coloring for my painting

我做很多事背后的意义远比你们想象

wo zuo heng duo shi bei hou de yi yi yuan bi ni men xiang xiang

The meaning behind the things I did is far beyond your imagination

拍个电视剧为了友情与十年前的梦想

pai le dian shi ju wei le you qing yu shi nian qian de meng xiang

Filming a tv drama is for friendship and a dream 10 years ago

收视率再高也难抗衡我的伟大理想

shou shi lv zai gao ye nan kang heng wo de wei da li xiang

No matter how high the rating is, it can't match my noble ideal

因为我的人生无需再多一笔那奖项

yin wei wo de ren sheng wo xu zai duo yi bi na jiang xiang

Because my life do not need another award

我不知道何时变成了社会的那榜样

wo bu zhi dao he shi bian cheng le se hui de na bang yang

I don't know when I have become a society's role model

被狗仔拍不能比中指要大器的模样（怎样）

bei gou zai pai bu neng bi zhong zhi yao da qi de mo yang (zen yang)

Can't show the paparazzi the finger and have to put on a magnanimous front

我唱的歌词要有点文化

wo chang de ge ci yao you dian wen hua

The lyrics I sing must have some degree of literacy

因为随时会被当教材

yin wei sui shi hui bei dan jiao cai

Because it might become teaching material anytime

CNN能不能等英文好一点再访

CNN neng bu neng deng ying wen hao yi dian zai fang

Can CNN interview me when my English gets a little better

时代杂志封面能不能重拍

shi dai za zhi feng mian neng bu neng chong pai

Can i reshoot the Time magazine cover

随时随地注意形象

sui shi sui di zhu yi xin xiang

I must take care of my image at all times

要控制饮食不然就跟杜莎夫人蜡像的我不像（本来就不像）

yao kong zhi yin shi bu ran jiu gen du sha fu ren la xiang de wo bu xiang (ben lai jiu bu xiang)

I must control my diet or i won't look like the "me" in Madame Tussauds (it doesn't look like me in the first place)

好莱坞的中国戏院地上有很多手印脚印

hao lai wu de zhong guo xi yuan di shang you heng duo shou yin jiao yin

There are many handprints and footprints at Grauman's Chinese Theatre

何时才能看见我的掌

he shi cai neng kan jian wo de zhang

When will mine be seen there?

如果超人会飞 那就让我在空中停一停歇

ru guo chao ren hui fei na jiu rang wo zai kong zhong ti yi ti xie

If Superman can fly then let me take a breather in the sky

再次俯瞰这个世界 会让我觉得好一些

zai ci fu kan zhe ge shi jie hui ran wo jue de hao yi xie

Overlooking this world again will let me feel better

拯救地球好累 虽然有些疲惫但我还是会

zheng jiu di qiu hao lei sui ran you xie pi bei dan wo hai shi hui

Saving the world is tiring, though I am a little tired, I still will

不要问我哭过了没

bu yao wen wo ku guo le mei

Don't ask me if I have cried

因为超人不能流眼泪

yin wei chao ren bu neng liu yan lei

Because Superman can't cry

唱歌要拿最佳男歌手

chang ge yao na zui jia nan ge shou

(You) must get best male singer award as a singer

拍电影也不能只拿个最佳新人

pai dian yin ye bu neng zhi na ge zui jia xin ren

A newcomer award is not enough if you act

你不参加颁奖典礼就是没礼貌

ni bu can jia ban jiang dian li jiu shi mei li mao

Not attending award ceremonies is considered rude

你去参加就是代表你很在乎

ni qu can jia jiu shi dai biao ni heng zai hu

And if you do, it means you are over-concerned about it

得奖时你感动落泪（落泪）人家就会觉得你夸张做作（做作）

de jia shi ni gan dong luo lei (luo lei) ren jia jiu hui jue de ni kuang zhang zuo zuo

When you won an award and teared, people will think you are fake and exaggerating

你没表情别人就会说太嚣张

ni mei biao qing bie ren jiu hui shuo tai xiao zhang

When you have no expression, others will say you are too arrogant

如果你天生这个表情 那些人甚至会怪你妈妈（妈妈）

ru guo ni tian sheng zhe ge biao qing na xie ren sheng zhi hui guai ni ma ma (ma ma)

And if you are born with that expression, they will even blame your mum

结果最后是别人在得奖 你也要给予充分的掌声与微笑

jie guo zui hou shi bie ren zai de jiang ni ye yao ge yu chong fen de zhang sheng yu wei xiao

In the end someone else gets the award, you also have to give ample applause and smile

开的车不能太好 住的楼不能太高

kai de che bu neng tai hao zhu de lou bu neng tai gao

The car you drive can't be too luxurious nor can you live too high up

我到底是一个创作歌手 还是好人好事代表

wo dao di shi yi ge chuang zuo ge shou hai shi hao ren hao shi dai biao

Am I a singer-songwriter or a representative of good men and good deeds?

专辑一出就必须是冠军

zhuan ji yi chu jiu bi xu shi guan jun

My album must be ranked top once released

拍了电影就必须要大卖

pai le dian yin jiu bi xu yao da mai

My movie must sell well

只能说当超人真的好难

zhi neng shuo dan chao ren zhen de hao nan

I can only say, being a Superman is difficult

如果超人会飞（超人会飞）那就让我在空中停一停歇（停一停歇）

ru guo chao ren hui fei (chao ren hui fei) na jiu rang wo zai kong zhong ti yi ti xie (ti yi ti xie)

If Superman can fly then let me take a breather in the sky

再次俯瞰这个世界 会让我觉得好一些

zai ci fu kan zhe ge shi jie hui ran wo jue de hao yi xie

Overlooking this world again will let me feel better

拯救地球好累（地球好累）虽然有些疲惫但我还是会（我还是会）

zheng jiu di qiu hao lei (di qiu hao lei) sui ran you xie pi bei dan wo hai shi hui (wo hai shi hui)

Saving the world is tiring, though I am a little tired, I still will

不要问我哭过了没

bu yao wen wo ku guo le mei

Don't ask me if I have cried

因为超人不能流眼泪

yin wei chao ren bu neng liu yan lei

Because Superman can't cry

=====

I don’t think there is anything wrong with how cpfs are relating this to cpn cause that’s just how it is. But sometimes, there are other reasons why they do what they do.

SO MY CONFUSION COMES FROM HOW THE HELL DO PEOPLE KNOW WHAT HE RECENTLY LISTENED TO. I can’t seem to dig up how or maybe it’s something we don’t talk about. I have never experienced this kind of tidbit related to them before so I wanna know the source. Or is this like the gaming cpn where certain people know and they will not divulge the boy’s account for privacy? if anyone knows, feel free to comment. If i find out in the future, I will share.

[tequilamovie]

Winter Begonia | Bin Bian Bu Shi Hai Tang Hong | 鬓边不是海棠红

[timextoxhajima]

Sonder: Part I

Parts: I II III IV V

member: enhypen heeseung! x oc! woo ki yeom [3rd person pov]

genre: coming of age, slice of life, angst, romance

w/c: 5k

warnings: topics on religion, distressed relationships, mental health (I want to leave an a/n here that I grew up with my maternal family being Buddhists so what I've written is based off what I researched online and the way her family practised Buddhism. I'm personally a free-tinker and this narrative is not in any way meant to offend nor support any particular religion.)

synopsis: after being kicked out of her home, Woo Ki Yeom is forced to live life on her own. struggling to find herself in the midst of her chaotic life, she meets lee heeseung, who, like her, can't give any more fucks to life than she does.

"n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own."

That word. That keeps coming out on Instagram pages and TikTok videos.

It's a strange feeling to know that everybody else in here was living their own lives. Maybe they were going through a breakup, or someone in their family had just passed away. Perhaps their pet ran from home or a trip just got cancelled because their travel buddy fell sick.

It's fascinating at first - but you get bored by it after some time. And even if you didn't, Woo Ki Yeom did.

It's not like it was difficult to figure out how to vacuum your room or do your own hair. Nor was it difficult to figure out how this washing machine operated, though Ki Yeom must admit that it took her a couple of minutes to get it down. But now, all she does is give it a good smack to the side when it doesn't start up.

"wo gen ni jiang (I'm telling you), one day you're going to smack it until it's spoilt!" The owner of the laundromat nags from the payment counter. He's a man in his 50s - Ki Yeom likes to think Mr Hsien is an alternate-dimension version of Eve from the film, Everything, Everywhere, All At Once. He clearly hates this life, and the only time Ki Yeom has seen his wife was when he was sick and couldn't run the place himself.

Mrs Hsien is just about ten times sweeter than he is - which Ki Yeom recalls - she didn't respond that well to.

She must think Ki Yeom is an asshole.

Then again, Ki Yeom knows for a fact that she is one.

"Then you'll finally come around to your senses and get it changed. I just found a coin from the 1930s the other day in my load."

"Do you know change washing machine how expensive?" Mr Hsien rambles on, looking through his glasses that were so far down his nose bridge, Ki Yeom thinks it might just slide right off. In his hands were dollar bills. "shi yi ge yue de qian (It's a month's worth of money)! From everybody that comes here."

She doesn't bother responding - no need to, unless she wants to start a debate.

"All day gloomy," Mr Hsien mumbles under his breath. She dumps herself in the row of chairs right out the door as he aligns the dollar bills and goes to unlock the door. "My wife say gloomy not good. tai duo yin (too much yin)."

His voice is slightly muffled, since his entire body is hidden behind the counter as he hides his money. After a few moments, his hand comes to grip the edge of the counter as he pulls himself up to stand, then he takes a deep breath and sighs as if it took him a bountiful amount of energy to get up. But he looks outwards at Ki Yeom and wiggles a finger at her.

"Are you listening to me?" He shakes his head, processing Ki Yeom just looking down at her phone.

Yes.

"You know, Chinese people always think young people who don't respond are very rude. If you were my daughter, wo yi jing hui ma si ni ah (I would've already scolded you to death)."

He grumbles as he pushes himself out the little door by his counter and waddles for the storage door.

"You shout for me if anything weird happen outside. I'm going to da bian (poop)."

Ki Yeom connects the bluetooth headphones to her phone and adjusts it over her head as the door swings shut.

It was a quiet Wednesday night.

Ki Yeom liked to do her laundry in the middle of the week because there aren't many people around, and she didn't have to wait for strangers to come clear the washing machines before she could use them. She didn't have to talk to strangers - which came as a surprise to her when she first moved here. She never understood why people would just randomly strike up conversations.

What was the point of knowing so much about someone's life when you're probably never going to see this person again?

But it's ironic that Ki Yeom has found comfort in a familiar place, enough to fall asleep. Even if Mr Hsien were to walk right out that storage door and finds her nodding off in her awkward sitting upright position, she knew he wouldn't wake her up. She knows, because it's not the first time she's passed out from a day's work.

Sometimes, Ki Yeom gets her inspiration from her dreams. One would be surprised how much she dreamt - because that meant that she could wake up feeling like she never slept. At some point, Ki Yeom was convinced that she was part of a cult by blood, because strange symbols, shapes, and creatures kept appearing in her dreams. She would draw them out and then go to the library to find anything on them, but to no avail.

Sometimes she blames this on her family.

But this 'gift' does her well at work, especially when the clientele of the tattoo parlour she works at are avid fans of the rare and uncommon.

Because of the number of clients who have grown fond of her artistry, she's been requested more than the average tattoo artist at the parlour she works at. Ki Yeom had been advised not to bite off more than she can chew, but it's not like she has any financial help or alot of money in the first place, so why not?

At least, not after she was kicked out of her own home.

In her busiest week, she spent four nights sleeping in the parlour, and had licorice and coffee for breakfast, a chicken salad for lunch and instant noodles for dinner on one of those days. And that wasn't even the worst meal combination she's had.

Some of her colleagues are kind - the ones who leave her blankets and buy her coffee and bread in the morning when they clock in. Others? Not so much.

"Too young." "Inexperienced." "Greedy." "Hard-up."

She's heard those too many times to feel a thing. It's also because she knows they're true. But it's not her fault she's greedy.

What's wrong with it?

Greed usually comes hand-in-hand with desperation, even if it weren't for a good cause. Greed comes with knowing how it feels when you lack something. Ki Yeom's greed stems from her lack of money, and is that her fault?

No.

She finally jerks awake from her evening nap when a loud thud manages to get past her headphones. Blurry vision still taking some time to clear, she's able to make out Mr Hsien frantically grabbing a rag and cleaning off the counter top. Tea was dripping off the edge.

Just by the movement of his mouth, she can tell he's rambling off about being such a clumsy old man.

She sits up and stretches her neck, feeling the ache when she pulls it the opposite way she was dosing off in. A slight frown, and then in the corner of her eye, she notices someone had taken a seat on the other end of the five-seater row of seats.

It was someone probably her age, maybe younger. But she returns her attention to Mr Hsien finishing the rest of his tea and walking round the counter, grabbing some dry tissues to clean up the remaining on the floor.

Then she catches the stranger glancing in her direction, as if wanting to say something - and then she realises that her music isn't playing. 

She fumbles her lap for her phone, then finds it on the floor right under the seat. The stranger seems to sit with ease now that she's picked it up. She almost finds it embarrassing when she tries to reconnect her bluetooth, but is interrupted by the washing machine she was using finally beeping to indicate that it was done. 

Ki Yeom clears her throat and gets up to the washing machine, yanking the worn-out door open. Gathering the damp clothes in her arms she tosses it into a dryer. She instinctively feels around her pockets to find the token she had paid in exchange for it, but her mood is slightly ruined when she can't find it. 

Mr Hsien is no longer in the counter, so she assumes he had gone to the back, berating himself for being clumsy, so she looks around the floor. Perhaps she might find a stray one sitting somewhere. 

She returns to the dryer, defeated. No, actually, she's too tired to be annoyed. Sliding the headphones off her head, Ki Yeom sighs to herself and rolls her eyes. 

But a soft 'tick' rings quickly across the surface of the dryer, and she looks up to see the stranger turning his back on her. The token sits on the white-turned-grey surface of the dryer next to the one she was throwing her mental tantrum at. 

Ki Yeom builds up the care to speak.

"It's fine but I'll just wait for him to come back out." 

He sits anyway, leaning back coyly and looking at her with a lack of expression. "I'm trying to collect karma points, so don't take it personally. Maybe another day if we see each other."

As if I'm going to see you another day. 

But Ki Yeom is not someone who rejects something when she needs it. 

"Thanks," The word is almost reluctant to come out. Without hesitation, she chucks it into the coin slit of the dryer and it tumbles down into a bed of tokens. She hunches over the dryer and jabs the buttons - sometimes they don't work very well either.

Ki Yeom hadn't always been like this. In fact, she was one of those kids who could plug in her earpieces over dinner and watch her favourite shows and her parents wouldn't say anything about it, because she knew to take them out when the food came.

Sometimes, her parents would join in on the fun of watching whatever show it was she was watching.

But what truly set her family apart from the average family was that her parents were devoted Buddhists. Karma, Liberation, Meditation... Honestly, Ki Yeom never understood what it truly meant until she hit her teenage years, and even then, her understanding of it didn't last very long.

It was a unique, and an admittable forceful, way of which Ki Yeom fell out with her family. As individuals who believed so much in karma, they had the tradition of donating large sums of money to the temple they frequented. They went vegetarian, prayed, kept a kind heart to whomever it was they met - and then her father was left jobless when the company he was working for got involved in an embezzling scandal.

Ki Yeom, at the age of sixteen, had witnessed her father go from the proud family man he was, to someone who stayed in bed all day, afraid to go out, in fear that he would have to open his empty wallet.

The anxiety became crippling and her father had developed depression upon the rippling news that he couldn't be accepted into other jobs because of his niche and limited experience and that he was too old.

At sixteen, when you've spent most of your life trying to understand and believe the ways of which your family has led their lives by, you'd be confused. Why was this happening? Have we not done enough?

What was once a home filled with laughter, comfort and encouragement, turned into a home that scrimped and saved every penny - even spending some nights without any electricity and relying purely on candles.

There was a gradual build-up of resentment on Ki Yeom's heart.

She had gone three years living off the meagre five dollars a day - and when you're in school with friends who find going to Starbucks and getting bubble tea an enjoyable past time, it's difficult. Even if they were understanding and chose not to go to either of those options, it was inevitable that Ki Yeom felt like it was her fault they couldn't go.

Just where in the world did all that money go? All the good karma points they were trying to accumulate? What happened to my God?

Ki Yeom had just graduated from pre-u. She wonders how she even managed to graduate, in the midst of all that falling apart at home, when it happened.

She had reached home after a day's work at the restaurant. As a waitress, she's grown numb to all the ridiculous comments and issues that customers bring up to her, if she were even paying attention.

So, all Ki Yeom wished was for a quiet dinner, a quiet evening and a quiet night to herself. She could crawl in bed and hug her pillows and scroll on her phone until she passed out, and then her day would start from scratch again.

But upon reaching home, she's not given enough time to respond - Especially when the things in her room seemed to be in the midst of removal. By strangers.

"What's going on?"

Her mother follows them out of the room as the movers trudge past her - and out of the house. "Ki, I'm sorry, we'll have to make do-"

"With... what? The floor?"

"You know how hard it's been, we just had to do this for the extra cash."

"How long is this 'cash' going to last us?" Ki Yeom puts her tote down, pushing past her mother and looking into the room. What used to be a cozy room with a bed, a desk, a standing lamp and even a beanbag was now a mattress, a makeshift table and a table lamp.

Ki Yeom turns around, at a complete loss of words. "You literally sold my room."

The elder stands, facing the door because she cannot face her daughter.

Ki Yeom gulps, feeling this intense heat coming up from within her. It feels like she's about to cry, but also wants to vomit and scream at the same time. "How much is selling my room going to make?"

"Ki-"

"How. Much?"

A pause. There's some knocking and rustling outside as they wrap the furniture in bubble wrap. Someone yells at someone else to hand her the money.

"Enough for a couple of weeks."

Ki Yeom sighs heavily, not knowing she was even holding her breath. Then, she coughs and almost hyperventilates. A scoff. Then, a strangled growl, like she was about to throw herself out the window, and the tears start to clog her eyesight.

She watches as her mother receives the thin stack of fifty dollar bills, and the man doesn't give them one last look before leaving.

There's a painful silence in the house when Ki Yeom squats. And when her feet become numb, she drops to the floor with her back hitting the wall.

"I'm sorry, Ki," Her mother turns and sniffles, shoving the fifty dollar bills into her backpocket. She squats, trying to look at Ki Yeom. But her daughter's head is hung low, for she has taken her final sanctuary.

"I don't understand... how this was an option. I'm working. And aren't you and dad trying to find jobs? Aren't you working?"

"I know... and we are... we just... we have nothing."

"What about grandpa? Hasn't he offered to help? At this stage... you want me to believe he hasn't offered any type of help?"

Her mother goes quiet, only taking a deep breath and sitting on her rear as well.

"What? What does that mean?" Ki Yeom frowns, tears finally dribbling down her cheeks as she struggles to understand. "Is he so heartless... that he cannot give us some to get by until something... better comes along?"

"Ki, we've been like this for years..."

"Which makes me wonder why he hasn't helped?"

Silence.

Ki Yeom frowns. "Does he even know?"

Her mother looks up at her through disheveled hair.

"How could he not know?"

"Ki, he knows. We just... you know the rules we live by."

Ki Yeom audibly gasps and chokes in horror. Her stomach drops in disbelief. "Rules? We are sleeping on the floor, our lights are candles and the table lamps are on the floor... we eat instant food two out of three meals and you're telling me... that out of filial piety... you did not accept his help?!"

Silence.

There's an eerie quietness in the home. Of course, atop the screaming in Ki Yeom's head and the traffic outside her home. Her vision is blurring from the tears, but she looks around her dark home, once brightly lit, and her vision ends on the orange-red glow eminating from the altar right next to the front door of her house. It's wide open, so the wind coming through was making the little flames on the candles flicker.

It's been untouched, only routinely cleaned and the oils thrown and replaced. Ki Yeom clenches her jaw, trying for a moment to resist the urge.

But to everyone's devastating shock and surprice, Ki Yeom harshly swipes her entire arm across the reachable counter top, spilling the cups of oil holding the candles and the incense sticks out of their packets.

Her mother quite literally screams and rushes over, yanking her away from the mess.

Smack!

The ringing is sharp in Ki Yeom's right ear as she processses the sting on her cheek, jaw and head. In the corner of her eye, she can see her mother is more surprised than she was. But this surprise is quickly replaced with anger and intense disapproval, so much to the point that her mother pushes past her and squats to pick up the items.

Ki Yeom's heart shatters.

She gulps, thinking if she should help. But her mother shoves her off, as if scared to be touched by her.

"Mom."

The clatter on the floor is gentle and quiet, and her mother is careful not to touch any of the shattered glass. Ki Yeom grimly squats by her and reaches for it, but rejection shoves her backwards on her rear when her mother pushes her away. She loses her balance and falls backwards, hands on the floor and her tears dribbling down her cheek.

Her mother's face is like rock - expressionless, tired. Helpless. Speechless.

Ki Yeom's face was starting to burn up.

"Mom-"

"Get out," She stops her cleaning and stares at the floor.

Honk.

"What?"

"You want so badly to do things your own way... and cannot agree with what we believe in... so pack your things and get out."

She resumes her cleaning up, taking the smaller, shattered pieces and placing them on the altar. While Ki Yeom remains on the floor, her mother squats, picks up whatever her hands can carry, and returns them to the altar. Again, and again.

"Mom, I- Please. How can you live like this?!"

The weight in Ki Yeom's knees start to shake her thighs when she kneels, dragging herself to her mother's feet. She hangs her head low, vision blurry and her head in a whirl. "We prayed to a God for years... my entire life... and we believed in everything we studied... Why were we not returned with the karma we always thought we've been collecting? Why did we pray and pray and yet nothing came along to help?"

Ki Yeom looks up, hair in her mouth and in her eyes as she manages to make out her mother placing the shattered cups back into position.

"Do not speak of Him that way," She whispers under her breath, opening a drawer and pulling out a lighter for the incense sticks. "He is always watching us... and He will help when the time is right."

Ki Yeom finally breaks apart in her own demeanour, sobbing and releasing her mother's clothes.

How can she choose a God, a deity... over her own daughter?

Her mother bows thrice, and sticks the incense stick in the incense pot. "I didn't sell your luggage. You can use that."

Ki Yeom looks up from the floor again, in disbelief those exact words came out of her mouth.

"I expect you gone by tomorrow morning," She turns and walks away, but stops and turns around for a second. "Nobody in my house will disrespect Him."

Ki Yeom had completely blocked out whatever her client was talking about - something to do with work. Her colleagues. Ki Yeom couldn't give any more fucks.

But she sits up to stretch her neck and back and notices in the reflection in one of the mirrors in her workspace a familiar back and a bald head.

She finishes up quickly, not bothering to acknowledge anything that her client has said. "Jun Yeol, can you help me tape her? I- yeah."

Instantly, the pink-haired boy turns around to look out the window. "Go. I got it from here."

"Chargeable list is on my desk. Thanks."

The bell on the door rings as she pushes her way out. She sucks in a deep breath, thinking of what to say again when their eyes finally meet. But out comes a rude and unnecessary: "What are you doing here? I told you not to look for me here."

For a moment, she feels bad. But her grandfather's retort is a reminder that she inherited her attitude from someone.

"I go wherever I want to!" He struggles to get up from the chair they've placed outside the tattoo shop for when there was a queue.

"Sit down!" Ki Yeom rushes over and pushes him back down by his shoulders, making sure to take a seat next to him so he didn't need to stand up again.

"I figured out how to make your mum's soup. The melon wolfberry one."

Ki Yeom looks down as he hands her the cotton bag that perfectly fits a thermal flask.

"You don't like cooking."

"I don't. It gets everywhere and there's a ton of pots and bowls and spoons to wash."

He shoves it into her lap, and huffs while wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"Let me call you a cab."

"Cabs are expensive, don't you dare."

"I'd rather have someone send you home safe than have you pass out on the way back."

"And if I'm destined to die today, I will pass out anyway, won't I?"

The harshness and brutality of his words summon a glare from her. She wants to berate him for being so careless with his thoughts - afterall, she did grow up around the theory of manifestation of karma. And she knows for a fact her grumpy old grandfather might not have that much good karma left.

"Are you earning enough? For yourself? For your rent?"

She sighs and hugs the thermal flask to her stomach. The doorbell rings and her client walks out, turning to say thanks and goodbye.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Is it safe? Where you're staying?"

"We've been through this. There's a security guard on the first floor and you can't go up without a keycard."

"People out there nowadays are terrifying, have you seen? All these gadgets and hidden cameras!"

"I know, I know, but the estate is safe. Don't worry about me," Ki Yeom rubs her eye. Both of them go quiet for a minute. She's listening to the grumble of the asphalt as the cars go by, and she knows her grandfather is thinking about the other questions he had prepared before coming out to meet her. 

"If you're wondering whether they've reached out... they haven't. And I'm not planning on doing it first."

"I didn't ask you to, and I know you wouldn't."

They go silent once more, but the silence is broken by the bell hanging on the front door of the tattoo parlour. 

"Ki, a client called and said she's on the way but she's early for an appointment."

She looks down at her phone for the time. "Yeah, she's supposed come in at 4pm."

"Aight, call me if you need anything," Soo Min smiles at the elderly man, who seems awkward when he tries to return the acknowledgement. The bell rings again when she returns back into the parlour.

"Thanks," Ki Yeom waits for her to go back in before she smiles to herself. "You can just say 'hi'. She's a nice person."

"Her short hair scares me abit. Reminds me of the gangsters and hooligans that run around on the street and in back alleys back in my time," He pauses, realising Ki Yeom's disapproving looks. He clears his throat. "Do the people here treat you well? The last time you told me some of them aren't fond of you."

"Well, it's still the same. It's not like I'm going to try and change their minds about me. I earn my share and they earn theirs."

Grandfather nods and hums in acknowledgement. "You know... sometimes I think you're meant to come out and live your life on your own. I believe you were made for the streets - in a good way - and that you learn and meet so many new people outside of a comfort zone. It's something that the rich and wealthy don't get to have."

There's a gentle gush of wind that rushes through the corridor. The rows of shop along this road were in their not-so-busy afternoon period, but Ki Yeom could still make out that barista who got her order wrong a couple of days ago cleaning up the table along the corridor. And that hair stylist who supposedly cut someone's hair too short and almost got sued.

"Right," She responds first. "But I wasn't given a choice. Would've loved to have one."

Ki Yeom turns back to look at her grandfather. His wrinkles have gotten deeper, longer. She knows he won't be around much longer to be the parent that she lost. Unlocking her phone, she opens the taxi cab.

"Oi!"

Since her 4pm client had come early and Ki Yeom had gotten the job done early, she'd decided that she no longer had the mental capacity to stay anymore - besides, she works on appointment-only basis now anyway.

So amidst all the skanky, judgy looks she gets from the other tattoo artists who don't get as many requests as she does, she bids Jun Yeol and Soo Min goodbye. The evening sun greets her as the evening crowd begins to fill the surrounding cafes, coffee shops and other places that people go to.

She walks by the coffee cafe, and catches the eye of that barista who fucked up her order. She waves.

The barista, of course.

But Ki Yeom feels obligated to at least offer a smile, so she does, and proceeds on her way.

Finally in the comfort of her home, she drops her bag and opens her fridge, eyeing the half-eaten packet of frozen dumplings, miso paste and frozen udon. Ever since she's moved out, she had the freedom to test out whatever stupid recipes TikTok and Instagram had to offer that required three ingredients.

Well, provided she had the equipment - which was a pot, a pan, a mini rice cooker and an air-fryer that the tattoo parlour wanted to get rid of. Honestly, she hasn't used it because she's been afraid it would explode if she did, but it just seemed like a waste if she let them throw it away.

She prepares the miso soup while waiting for the dumplings and udon to defrost first - then the unusual happens.

Knock knock.

Ki Yeom frowns to herself, and mentally checks through all the bills and finances she has to settle. Rent? Not due in another three weeks. Credit card? Haven't touched it. Delivery? Haven't ordered anything.

Knock knock knock.

She turns the stove off and goes for the door, looking through the peephole.

It's the kid from the laundromat.

Perhaps he came to even out the debt.

Ki Yeom opens the door.

"Oh," He seems surprised. "It's you."

"If you're here for the token, I don't have any extra to return. I can pay you a couple of cents or a dollar for it if you're insistent."

"Uh," Gently shaking his head, he simply lifts a hand, and in it, there was an envelope. "This came in my mail. I think they wrote the address wrongly."

She looks at the envelope, and sees her name but with the unit 07-33 instead of hers, 07-38.

"I figured eight just seemed the most similar to three, so. Are you... Woo Ki Yeom?"

"Yeah, thanks," She blinks and reaches out for it.

"Mail's not that common nowadays," He nods towards the envelope. "They don't have your number or email?"

There's an attempt to chuckle, or make a joke. But Ki Yeom doesn't bother responding, only tearing it open and pulling the letter out.

"Yeah, they don't have my number or my email."

The boy clears his throat out of awkwardness. "Oh."

Ki Yeom straightens out the letter right infront of him. As much as she wants to forget that her parents ever existed, she knows she can't. She's been trying - which is why she changed her emails, her phone number, and didn't provide their names to the building's management for "allowed visitors".

Futile efforts - that's what they were. She might be able to change the way she thought but her heart can't forget. Her father used to tell her that the heart always knows what's right, but what he didn't tell her was how to deal with it when she doesn't want to.

Dear Ki,

I'm writing to share that I've gotten a job.

Instantly, she folds the letter back up and shoves it back in the envelope. Her blood boils.

Why did it matter if her father got a job now? It doesn't change what her mother said to her or what happened. It doesn't change-

"Um. You... alright?"

Ki Yeom looks up, remembering that this stranger was still infront of her. Vision blur, she clears her throat and shoves the letter back in his hands.

"It's not mine."

He looks down at the shredded envelope and haphazardly-returned letter. Her eyes are red, so he's not dumb enough to believe it's not hers.

"Are... you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Ki Yeom closes her eyes and rubs them over her lids. "Sorry, I was just busy making dinner. I have to go."

"Right," He clutches the envelope to his side and nods subtly.

With pursed lips, she looks at him one more time for acknowledgement. He's quiet, and careful, as he takes a step back and turns to leave. Ki Yeom gently swings the door shut, feeling her nose sour all over again.

Sucking in a deep breath, she looks over in her mini kitchen and stares at the slightly-cooled soup sittin on the stove. Then her eyes travel over to where she had dumped her bag, and remembers the thermal flask.

She walks over to it and picks it up, opening it and carefully sipping the warm soup.

PART II

[duckprintspress]

Alright, I know there are four days left of summer technically, but looking at what I have left and what I expect to read in the next few days, I don't expect to finish any more squares, so here we are: my @queerliblib Mega-Queer Summer Reading Bingo Card! I got two bingos total - top row and one diagonal.

Genre fiction: Blackwater by Jeannette Arroyo and Ren Graham

Coming of age: Sunhead by Alex Assan

Comfort Read: Thousand Autumns vol. 5 by Meng Xi Shi

Comic, Manga, or Graphic Novel: Blue Flag vol. 2 by Kaito

Memoir: Out of Left Field by Jonah Newman

Poetry: blank

Queer pulp fiction: blank

Short Story Anthology: Many Hands: An Anthology of Polyamorous Erotica (I'm the editor so of course I read it!)

Print and post QLL fliers: I DID THIS! I printed out four quarter-sheets and last time I went to the library I asked them to put it on the board. I've got three more quarter-sheets and I'll be asking as I go to other branches, too.

Main character shares your identity: I Want to Be a Wall vol. 3 by Honami Shirono

Stonewall Award winner or nominee: blank

Format swap! Fine by Rhea Ewing (I usually read fiction, this is non-fiction, I hope that counts...)

Free space: Snapdragon by Kat Leyh

Indigenous author: blank (to the best of my knowledge none were by indigenous authors but it's also not something I usually check)

QLL book rec: blank (though again, I didn't actually check, oops)

Queer non-fiction: The Secret to Superhuman Strength by Alison Bechdel

Main character doesn't share your identity: Silent Hearts vol. 1 by Jing Shui Bian

Lambda Award winner or nominee: blank

Set in the past: For the Love of God, Marie! by Jade Sarson

Queer picture book: Wolfpitch by Balazs Lorinczi (do YA graphic novels count as picture books? oh well.)

Queer book in translation: Blue Flag vol. 4 by Kaito

Do a subject search for a book: At 30, I Realized I Had No Gender by Shou Arai

Queer classic: blank

Book with a protagonist older than 40: Guardian vol. 3 by priest (he's like. 10,000 years old.)

Set in the future: blank (amazingly, I've read like no sci-fi this summer?? wtf????)

This was a fun challenge, thanks Queer Liberation Library for hosting it!!

(are y'all in the US? have you signed up to access the QLL through Libby yet? because you should - check it out here.)

[harvardfineartslib]

Wishing you good fortune, happiness, wealth, and longevity.

Image: Have Good Luck and Amass a Fortune 125 x 64 cm, lithographic printing

潍坊民间孤本年画 Title: Weifang min jian gu ben nian hua 潍坊市寒亭区文化局, 山东画报出版社编 = Folk New Year pictures extant in Weifang only / Edited by Hanting Distrist [i.e. District] Culture Bureau of Weifang City and Shandong Dictorial [i.e Pictorial] Publishing House. Weifang Shi Hanting Qu wen hua ju, Shandong hua bao chu ban she bian = Folk New Year pictures extant in Weifang only Edition: 第1版. Published: 济南市 : 山東畫報出版社, 1999. Jinan Shi: Shandong hua bao chu ban she, 1999. 276 p.: chiefly col. ill. ; 42 cm. Language: Chinese & English 1999 HOLLIS number: 990084356020203941