#books are where I grapple with stuff and I LOVE IT but it is no way more valuable than other ways of grappling with stuff?

[harpsicalbiobug]

In the past six years I have read an average of 112 books a year. I really liked it! It integrated well into my day, and I read almost exclusively new (to me) books. I was certainly biased towards shorter books, which I think was an excellent way to explore non-fiction in a "short" format and to read weird little novellas and poetry collections. It ruled.

This year though, I'm hoping to revisit some of my favorites that I haven't read in ages, and to read some of the longer books that I've been eyeing for a while/sometimes literally years.

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

I wasn’t on tumblr when you were bullied off of tumblr (due to being in a bad place in my life) but I think you’re cool as shit. I read The Fault in Our Stars when I was a teenager, and all I remember is being shaken by it. Read Turtles All the Way Down, same feeling.

As an adult, I understand better what you were doing in your novels for kids like me. Teenagers struggling to process emotions in an environment where they are feeling these huge feelings every day—“my world is ending”—“I will never love again”—“I’m too happy to function”—the emotions are so intense at that age. Especially if you’re a teen with mental health issues. Even caring adults seem so distant when you’re trapped in that vortex.

Your novels recreated that feeling for me, allowing me to read about someone like me who was grappling with every emotion and sensation. I genuinely didn’t know how to cope with that stuff. You showed that teens like me could feel everything from devastation to euphoria to bewilderment…and still be here.

When I watched Turtles All the Way Down recently, I cried seeing thought spirals portrayed so accurately and seeing Aza find hope. Seeing her people finally connect with her through the mindfog. That shit is powerful. I wish teenage me could have seen that movie.

All this to say: you’ve done a lot of good. I hope you know that you’ve helped people who are going through deep shit. From one grownup person to another, thank you for what you did for teenage me. I hope you can be as kind to yourself as you have been to us. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to just be. 🫂

Thanks.

This Ken's job is allowing people to read someone grappling with every emotion and sensation, and it's nice to know he did an okay job with those books.

I hope you like the new one, even though instead of being a novel it is a history of tuberculosis.

[ramons-elevator]

Fuck it. Appreciation Post for the amazing QSMP admins.

Heres a list of just a small bit of the amazing shit that they did on/for the QSMP and its players:

Made a huge prison/event for Pac e Mike which later turned into a job for Fit for his lore

Helping Foolish out with his Titan by raising it up, lighting it up, and even making sure the brightness of the light blocks where okay for him

Listening to Fit and Phil the day the task was "Make a grappling squawk" and made it interesting with Walter Bob delivering the news

Making Gegg a reality and letting him run for president

Every event is so cool no matter how big or small. The dungeons the The Jaidens did was so fun and interesting. Every new players event is always chaos but very detailed. Even making stuff for French Independence day and the 4th of July so people could experience each other's cultures.

The amazing wedding cake and rings for Cellbit and Roier's wedding

Helping Tazercraft with the Hide and Seek Arena and making the code so they can actually play hide and seek easier

Giving Charlie, Roier, and Max (idk if theres more) key binds so they easily switch their skins and their names in game

The little jokes/ nods to stuff that happens on the server. Like the day after Missa came back and failed a water bucket clutch, they made one of the tasks "Have a water bucket competition".

Them elaborating on stuff that happens on the server. For instance, Bad putting up mini bulletin board at spawn so they keep everyone updated. So the admins started putting the newspaper there so people could see and be updated.

Philza found an insane mob that basically soft locked your game and Phil messaged the admins telling them that information, to which they immediately disabled the mob.

The side NPCs that everyone fall in love with them. From Walter Bob, a random admin who they let the players create a story and love for, to the Capybaras, which are basically the admins having fun but turned into them having their own lore.

The insane enigmas they make for Cellbit and the story it tells. They make the puzzles very detailed and sometimes can hint to other stories.

Fucking making Felps a new member

Making a button so people like Cellbit who frequently switch between Portuguese and English dont have to constant fiddle with the settings and can just switch easily

The fucking insane shit they do with Max and his story is so cool. From what Ive seen, they give him so much room and freedom to make what he wants. Im always so impressed by whatever Max does and the things he does with this server.

They make sure everyone's lore/story is seen/heard and also try to connect the lore together. From what I have seen, nothing is half assed. Cellbit finding books about a powerful weapon? It is used to trap Pac and Etoiles had to go through the nether to get the shield to counter the sword.

Lastly, just listening to the members and hearing their concerns while also letting them having fun. They joke with the members/audience, but also hearing them out when they think something is unjustified.

The admins care so much for this server and put so much work and love for it. I hope they know it never goes unappreciated or looked over.

[gallaghersgal]

hi hi hi today i’m thinking about carmy (as usual oopsie) and his girl who loves him more than anything. she loves him so much she always supports him with the restaurant, she listens to his ideas, tastes his meals and gives her honest opinion, she makes sure to take care of him because he often forgets about that. she’s just that girl <3

and maybe for his birthday or their anniversary (or the bear’s opening day’s anniversary?) she spends months preparing a book similar to the dozens they have in their living room or in the office at the bear. you know those professional cook books? with the impeccable meal pictures and the chef in deep concentration and explanations about each piece? she spends months snapping pictures of carmy while he’s working at the bear (when the restaurant is closed and he’s trying stuff out), him and the rest of the team, she’ll snap pictures of the meals he makes and take notes when he explains the idea behind it to put it in the book. she asks to take pictures of his notes too and he says yes, she doesn’t tell him what she’ll do with them though (but it’s okay because he trusts her <3) and just compiles everything so she can offer it to him. she adds her own notes and maybe at the end a longer note where she tells him what she thinks of him and his work and how much she loves him.

carmy gets too into his own head and it keeps him from seeing all the good he does, the positive side of things, the fact that he’s loved and he has people who care about him. and this book just has it all <3

-🧸

sobbing bc i started writing this and then accidentally closed it and the draft didn't save so anyways. this is very sweet so here is a mini blurb. sorry for the wait my lovely 🧸

carmen can't believe how lucky he is, to have someone like you as his wife. sweet, thoughtful, smart, and caring. he isn't an emotional man by any means, burying his feelings in nicotine and the rhythm of the kitchen. you've realized that even those closest to him don't know his intricacies, not in the way that you do. it's hard to break the surface of him but you've done it.

a lone tear trails down his cheek while trembling fingers flip the pages of your meticulously crafted anniversary gift. a cookbook, full of the most significant recipes in his repertoire. the pages were adorned with scans from his sketchbook. there were pages upon pages of old draft menus, sketches of unperfected dishes, and his handwritten recipes. each item included a 'professional' photo of the dish—courtesy of sugar and the fancy camera she bought before the baby's arrival—recreated by the bear staff and others you'd tracked down.

but the part that really gets him comes at the end. a faded photograph of mikey, sugar, and himself at the beef, holding up sandwiches and grinning. his childhood order is written in your handwriting, his choices annotated in a way that teases him even through the page.

"bear?" you ask quietly, poking your head into the office. you knew he was opening your gift, you'd been pretending to care about something on the hostess stand. too nervous. your heart is a little too bare on the pages.

carmen looks up with blue eyes sparkling and lays the book down on his desk. "you. c'mere, right now," he mumbles, extending one strong arm to hook around your waist and grapple you into his lap. his soft lips flutter against your neck, jaw, and cheek, and your giggles keep him from kissing your lips effectively.

"happy anniversary carmen," you whisper. his head falls to the crook of your neck, almost like he's hiding. and maybe he is, with what he tells you next.

"you, are the best wife, a man could ever ask for," he mumbles against your skin, each pause is punctuated with a kiss. he sounds choked up, and you pretend not to notice. "an' i thank whatever powers-that-be ev'ry day that i get to call you mine."

[massiveharmonytiger]

Anyone ever think about the fact that Armand probably hated the hell out of Claudia for having what he never could.

Claudia gets rescued from death as an innocent. Armand gets rescued from death as someone whose innocence died the day those slavers captured and raped him.

Claudia gets Louis and Lestat's love and takes it for granted. Armand craves their love but gets their scorn.

After she is made a vampire, Claudia lives with two caring fathers only to pine for a mortal life she'll never have and run away from the situation when the cruelty of being a vampire gets to be too much for her.

Obviously this isn't how I see it. Claudia had every right to run away after how she was treated and seek out her own answers. And her child/fledglinghood definitely wasn't all sunshine and roses. Her aunt abused her, Lestat was extremely cruel to her after Charlie's death, the Loustat brawl, Lestat dropping Louis from the sky, Bruce's abuse - all of these were extremely traumatizing and hard to live through.

My point is that Armand could know all of this and still see Claudia's past as the rosy childhood he never had because his was just that fucked up.

Also, I think book Armand is enslaved around a similar age to when book Claudia is turned (I read it this way, although I'm struggling to confirm this, can anyone confirm?) and I can see him wondering why he couldn't have had the dark gift to protect him then. Why does Claudia get it? Why is she any more worthy than he is?

Where Claudia doesn't have to do a thing, Armand has to prove his cruel streak to earn the dark gift and after he is made a vampire, he lives with his groomer, Marius, who is set on fire and Armand is captured by a coven that teaches him to hate himself until Lestat steps in.

So yeah, why would he stop the coven from killing her when she's had everything he's ever wanted?

Side note because I've seen some really bad takes on the Marius/Armand relationship.

Yes, Armand was in love with Marius and Marius loved him too. Yes, Marius rescued Armand from the brothel. Yes, Marius was kinder than Armand's slavers and Armand enjoyed a lot of the sex stuff he did when he was living with Marius. Yes, pederasty was normalized during that time and Marius was just acting like any man in his position would.

AND

Marius was still a groomer and an abuser. Marius was still in a position of power pulling strings to get Armand to do what he wanted and throwing tantrums when things didn't go his way. Marius still got off on Armand worshipping him. Marius was still Armand's owner and his kindness was dependent on Armand doing what he said (like letting himself be donated when a friend came from out of town - some people will say Armand was lying about that, to which I say, fuck you).

The fact that Armand enjoyed sex, started fetishizing his own abuse and using his body as a tool of manipulation doesn't make him complicit, neither does the fact that Marius had redeeming qualities (beauty, kindness, wisdom) and Armand fell in love with him.

None of this makes what Armand went through any less traumatizing. He's 500 years old and we can still see him grapple with what happened in his childhood.

I have no idea how they're going to portray Marius/Armand's childhood in the show, but I feel that even just a fraction of this would make Armand's resentment of Claudia pretty real, and I really hope we get to see Armand confront this in later seasons even though I'm pretty sure a lot of it is unconscious and he may not even be fully aware that he feels this way.

[penny-anna]

i have other things to do but here we gooooo owl house fic recs:

Autism to Autism Communication by Polyhexian

"I understand sarcasm," Hunter said, sounding offended. He crossed his arms. "You didn't do the voice thing." Darius stared at him. "The what?" Hunter put his arms in the air and gave his hands a sarcastic little wave. "I GuEsS I'LL hAvE tO sToP cOmInG oVeR, tHeN," he said in the most over the top and comical parody of sarcasm that Darius had ever heard in his life.

everything by this author is great & this one is a joy and a delight!!

Extant Species by Polyhexian

She'd been called a monster more times than she could count, but she knew what a real monster looked like.

i'd happily rec a bunch of polyhexian's stuff but this lil vee & hunter fic was a highlight. especially enjoy the part where hunter's advising her on how best to go about murdering him. love that for them both!!

Owlet by Polyhexian

"Eda!" Hunter yelled as he shouldered open the door and Hooty cooed and rambled at him, "I need help with my potions homewooooooaaaat the HELL is that?!" Luz looked up from where she was sitting on the couch and reading what appeared to be a romance novel about werewolves. "What is what?" "That!" he yelled, pointing at the hulking behemoth curled up in the middle of the room in a massive pile of blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. "Is that the owl beast?!"

& 1 more!! short n sweet n cute

With Clay and Star Scraps by SiryyGray

Hunter decided to do some research into Grimwalkers. First discovery: Grimwalkers were outlawed in every city under every rule as far back as the history books go. Second discovery: Grimwalkers have no natural means of death. Third discovery: there’s a caveat to that second one.

some absolutely brutal grimwalker content. SPOILERS: hunter can't outlive belos.

Intrusion by rayrock

'He drops something in. It moves and writhes, but it is clearly exhausted. “Eat,” is all he says, voice barely above a whisper. But it is a demand nonetheless, intimidating enough to send shivers down her spine. She hisses in protest once more. He tucks the notepad and pen into his cloak and pulls out a staff. It unfolds and glows a bright red. He does not say anything more. He is nearly always silent when she sees him.' Or: Vee and the Golden Guard’s relationship is complicated, but it is there

some more vee & hunter content for you

just a little bit left by prodigalDaughter

The first time Darius had seen the new Guard unmasked, the fury and betrayal had risen in him like floodwater, bubbling and steaming out of creeks and sewers. Creed had never told him he had a son. —— Hunter has discovered what he is, but he’s not the only one who has to grapple with assumptions made about his origins.

hey remember the other day when i was talking about 'what if darius thought hunter was the previous golden guard's son'! well here u go someone wrote that fic

Wild and Wandering Cries by PorcelanaRota

So his uncle goes flying into the wall directly above him and he is unable to dodge. And his uncle, who is now more palisman curse slime than he is flesh and blood, splatters on the wall, on the ground, on him. Hunter’s been in hundreds of life-or-death situations. He’s felt real and true and visceral fear that sank into his bones and marinated into terror more times than not. Still, nothing has ever left him so shocked and horrified and just flat-out scared that time has actually stopped.

belos splash zone? belos splash zone.

mistakes (the thrilling saga, in high definition) by quynnyah

"This," Amity says, "is not normal human behavior." (Or: Amity and Hunter volunteer to help Camila on a grocery trip. It goes about as well as expected.)

some banging amity & hunter in the human realm stuff for u

Notched by angelcloves

Belos removes the ear tag from his newest Grimwalker.

tiny wee fic giving a backstory for Hunter's notched ear. i rotate this concept in my brain all the time. absolutely twisted.

There is no open window, but the floors still creep by theprincessofdenial

On Tuesday, they eat Chinese. On Wednesday, Camila once again doesn’t have the time to cook, so pizza it is. On Thursday, she wants to make a proper dinner but there’s a hold up at the clinic, Luz knocks over a shelf, Willow has a wardrobe emergency, and then Amity’s cat goes missing. And Hunter beats Gus up so badly the boy ends up bleeding, so there’s also that.

hgnnnh i would rec this entire series if i could (it's 14 fics totally 200k total). its all so chewy i want to get my teeth into it and rrrrrrrrrr. ANYWAY this is my no 1 fav i've been back and re-read it about 7 times. love the Camila Noceda POV; the way it captures the chaos of all 6 kids in the house and makes it feel so real & vivid; the absolutely brutal Hunter characterisation. if ur a Hunter fan go read this right away.

Distance by theprincessofdenial

For the first minute, they all just stand there in silence and watch the airship slowly disappear beyond the horizon. Even though they’re supposed to react quickly, the cold still comes as a shock. It takes some time for the reality to settle in and for them to realize how useless everything they have brought is going to be when their marrow freezes. Hunter hears some of the Scouts inhaling sharply after they approach the ledge and look down. They turn around, unsure where to start, and they shuffle their feet in the snow (terrible decision, really, this way their boots are going to get wet even quicker). Hunter’s the first one to break the silence, and oh, he does it with style. He has been rehearsing that line for a week. “See you at the bottom, suckers!” he exclaims as he pulls out the staff and disappears in a flash of red light. (or: The Obligatory "Leave Everyone at the Top of the Mountain and See Who Makes It Back to the Bottom Alive" Fic. With a splash of Steve)

2nd rec from this series. exactly what it says on tin. *banging pots together* you like whump come get your whump i ADORE what this author does w Hunter. also Steve is there (whump for Steve!!)

A Potter's Field by theprincessofdenial

The view from the staircase is, well, not stunning, that’s definitely not the word. It’s just that “view” is supposed to be accompanied by “stunning,” and Luz can feel her brain coming to a screeching halt and refusing to process what they’re seeing. It's skeletons. Come on, they both knew it was going to be skeletons. The entire Isles know at this point. (Or: despite what the stories would have you believe, in the aftermath, there are things to deal with. Those things include ruined infrastructure, electing new leaders, and prosecuting those responsible for the old regime. And apparently, also Grimwalker mass graves.)

& third and final. unbelievably chewy post-canon fic. lets get into the reconstruction of the isles in full detail. goes hard as hell. will sit in my brain for a long time i think. cannot rec this enough.

and rats all for now!! i got a bunch more stuff in my 'marked for later' so watch this space

[godsfavoritescientist]

Billford Fic Recs: Part 1

Everything on this list is rated either Gen or Teen, so it’s accessible for the sex-repulsed billford fans out there. Part 2 will be all the fics that don’t fit within those ratings! Everything on this list (aside from the still-updating one) is a completed fic that was written year/s before Book of Bill came out. Most of these are under 5k words, and while most of them are pre-betrayal and canon compliant, there’s a few that cover different eras in the timeline and AUs. These are some of my all-time favorite billford fics, plus some bill-centric fics at the end of the list.

A Change of Scenery, by Nelja https://archiveofourown.org/works/10914882 Pre-betrayal, Ford’s perspective, 4k words

This fic really nails the devotion-to-the-point-of-obsession that Ford had for Bill. It’s one of the very first fics I think of when someone asks for recommendations. Really really top tier stuff. I wish there were more fics that had this same tone and a central focus on Ford’s obsessive worship of Bill. I can’t do this fic justice, you just have to experience the writing for yourself.

The Writing of Destiny, by Nelja https://archiveofourown.org/works/6256570 Pre-betrayal, Ford’s perspective, 1k words

This fic says so much with so few words. It goes over Ford’s feelings for Bill, as well as some moments in Ford’s life that led up to becoming the kind of person who would fall for Bill.

Devote, by orphan_account https://archiveofourown.org/works/8783656 Pre-betrayal, Ford’s perspective, 600 words

Ford gets a tattoo. This one is also chock full of the obsessive devotion Ford had for Bill. It’s a delicious little peek into how potent his feelings for Bill were.

Loose from the Lever, by clockheartedcrocodile https://archiveofourown.org/works/32120011/chapters/79575955 Pre-betrayal, mostly Fiddleford’s outside perspective, 9k words

The imagery and voice in this one is fucking impeccable. Best I’ve ever read on ao3. It’s also an absolutely chilling read. Fiddleford can sort of piece together the fact that Ford is working with… someone. And meanwhile, Ford’s relationship with Bill in this one is gut-wrenching to see. Bill is cold and calculating in ways that are arguably disproven by the book of bill, but it’s still such a believable read on their relationship.

Now You See, by MaryPSue https://archiveofourown.org/works/8134141 Mostly pre-betrayal, AU where Bill comes through the portal in the 80’s, 4k words

Only billford if you squint. This one’s about Ford undergoing a slow body horror transformation while building the portal. Bill stops him from enlisting Fiddleford’s help, and his uneasiness and isolation is so palpable. This fic is good at building atmosphere.

The Ol’ Three Legged Waltz, by equilateralromance https://archiveofourown.org/works/35691013 Pre-betrayal, AU where Bill is upfront about a lot more things from the start, 3.5k

This one has such a unique writing style, it feels very romantic in the classic sense of the word, like it was written in an era gone by. Their relationship is very soft and tender in this one, a win for fluff fans everywhere. It’s about the first time Bill possesses Ford, and is a very sweet what-if for a world where Bill is better at letting Ford in, emotionally speaking.

Stars in my black and blue sky, by idrilhadhafang https://archiveofourown.org/works/41989533 Ford reminisces on how much he used to love Bill. 1k words

Solid characterization in this one. It’s short and to-the-point and feels true to canon.

Weirdpocalypse, by completetheory https://archiveofourown.org/works/20798036 Post-canon, Bill visits Ford’s dreams, 1k words

This one’s a really interesting take on why Weirdmageddon failed. Very bittersweet.

One Stage of Grief, by Fooeyburr https://archiveofourown.org/works/13969392 Post-betrayal, Ford in the multiverse grappling with how he feels about Bill, 8k words

This one is all about Ford obsessing over what he had with Bill while refusing to come to terms with the fact that he cared about Bill! Which is all set up/framed by some fun multiverse worldbuilding, too. - Bonus round: Bill-centric fics -

Wasting Away Again in the Goldilocks Zone, by ckret2 https://archiveofourown.org/works/57714430/chapters/147167545 Post-canon, Bill dragged kicking and screaming down a very long road towards redemption, updates weekly and will end up being hundreds of thousands of words at minimum.

This is the fic for Bill growing and changing as a person in post-canon. Every single doubt and hesitation you might have about whether Bill is even capable of change? It’s absolutely taken into account in this one. Seriously, its characterization of Bill is so scarily good that it accidentally predicted a mountain of things that got revealed in the Book of Bill. If you invest your time in one super long fic in your life, make it this one.

A Romance of Many Dimensions, by Haley3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/20796845/chapters/49427522 Covers the span of Bill’s entire life in detail. Finished work. 250k words

A breathtakingly ambitious fic that consistently knocks it out of the park. There are so many things I could say about this fic that I don’t even know where to start. I feel a lot of things about this fic. If you’ve ever wanted a fic that delves into Bill’s psyche and is tragic in its (pre-tbob) canon compliance, and has an opening set in flatland that approaches things from a really creative angle, and has my favorite interpretation of the axolotl, and rewires your whole brain, then this is the fic for you. Feels a bit reductive when it covers Bill’s time interacting with Native Americans on earth, but otherwise one of The Fics of All Time.

[theprenderelliepalace]

Perception

part 2

Read part 1 and part 3 here:

Summary: Y/n heads over to the Salvatore residence to deliver some books, expecting to find trouble, being the odd one out and everything, she doesn't expect his name to be Damon Salvatore. What happens when things get a little more intense once she's caught red-handed?

Warnings: Swearing, alienating friends, traumatic experience, uhh self-doubting MC? Plot point Elena, mysterious supernatural stuff (so, the usual)

Word count: 2k

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I could curse Bonnie Bennet for her terrible timing. Finally, something interesting happens to me, Y/n, for a change and off he went, evaporating from the living room like hot steam in a sauna. God it was hot in here. Damon Salvatore had been drunk, he'd pinned me to the couch and kissed me, we'd fought like usual - I'd insulted him like usual- and then the inexplicable happened. I heard his thoughts. One thought to be specific, "I don't like lying, Y/n." What had that meant? Sure, the guy was attracted to me for some reason that was a cruel joke of fate, but he loved Elena! The girl I hated more than I cared to admit...

It was all so surreal. I was barely wrapping my head around it before I heard Bonnie bustle into the living room. I watched her absently, she came down the steps, threw a log onto the fire like she owned the place. Perfectly judgey, as Bonnie often was.

"Earth to y/n? I came in here five minutes ago, aren't I supposed to be the spacey one?" She smiled at me, it almost reached her eyes. Almost. "Did you bring the books?" She asked. And suddenly I was back on Earth.

"Uh, yeah, yeah." I sucked in a breath and sat up straighter on the couch. I could still feel the tingle in my lips, where he'd gripped onto my waist, where his lips had been against my ear... "So, these books. Prolly not the most legible. They've been tucked under some rock in the town library while my mom and I were traveling." Books. I was here to give Bonnie books, not think about whatever the hell let me read the leather-clad mosquitoe's thoughts. "Some of it's in Scandinavian I think. Mostly memoirs." Stop. Thinking. About. It.

I felt myself blush as Bonnie came over and sat next to me on the couch. She stared at me, almost like she was staring through me. I watched her grapple with something to say. I noticed the nervous clamp of her slender fingers in her lap. She wanted to talk to me about something important then, but didn't know how to say it. I groaned inwardly, in the last 6 months that I had been back in in this dogeball court of a town, where every second neighbour was something that could kill you, the main entourage that was the Mystic High popularity club always only looked like that when-

"Can I ask you something about Elena?" Bonnie tried. Her. That was the curse of having the enhanced ability of perception, I knew what was about to irritate me before it came out of the person's mouth.

"Sure. Shoot." I cringed. She sighed, straightening her shoulders.

"What happened between you two? One day,the four of us were best friends. The next.. you were off with your mom traveling the world. I know something happened, but neither of you will talk about it, so I just-" She was becoming breathless as I stopped her. The eagerness for answers tainting her rational sense of social courtesy.

"- Bonnie, I'm not ready to talk about it. If Elena isn't either then that's that. Besides, it's my business. It has nothing to do with anyone else besides Elena," I felt my throat clench," and me." I didn't remember standing, but I was. I had walked behind the two wingback chairs next to the fireplace and up the stairs. My feet were taking me to the front door, and honestly, I couldn't blame them. "I'll see you later Bon." I said her nickname like one of us still thought we were friends, I didn't believe that person was me.

"But we're your friends! We always have been, you and Elena shouldn't have been so secretive in the first place! We could've figured things out... Come on Y/N you've been back in town 6 months and we've barely said a word to each other. It's always about saving Elena. I know you aren't helping us because of her." I felt my jaw clench and my fists ball. I'd always been a 'fight kind of gal', I'd be loathe to hit Bonnie square in the face, but the thought crossed my mind.

"Bonnie, enough. I'm not your friend, I'm not a kid anymore. Don't treat me like one. I'm not on trial, I don't need to be. Especially with you." I looked at her, I saw her flinch, my gaze must've been harder and colder than I thought. "I'm helping Elena because it's important. I got mixed up with the Salvatores just as much as you did. Klaus is not a force to be reckoned with."

I put my hands in my pockets. Backing up to the hall, I had an airy look about my stride and my face was one of plastered lightheartedness, but I was shaking. "Enjoy your study session from hell. Call me if you need a translator. And tell Stefan whatever Caroline wanted me to tell him." She looked broken hearted as I turned and glanced over my shoulder. My heart twanged, but it was better this way. No one liked to be around the girl that could see everything. That's what I told myself.

-------------------------------------------------------

I was wandering. A habit I had picked up in Italy. The streets were beautiful there, hours of aesthetic entertainment, for free. Mystic Falls wasn't as entertaining. There were trees, I sighed and glanced to my left, and trees. I shook my head and chuckled at the absurdity of it all. I was angry at Damon, how can he just kiss a girl like that and- and then speed off like a bloodsucking coward. Drunken bastard.

Truth be told, it was a good kiss a very good kiss. I felt disgusted with myself for enjoying it, he came onto me, but at the same time; there was this static tension between us. We bantered, he tried to eat me, I shot him in the foot. It wasn't very poetic as attractions went, but it was there. It was something I couldn't really explain, but it was almost as though it had been there ever since I met the guy.

I stopped walking. There was an old stump on the side of the road. It looked about as good as a chair in the woods can get. I heaved myself onto it. My legs were tired from all the fast paced walking. I'd probably have to turn around soon and head back to the boarding house for my car. It seemed like such a waste to let all these feelings cloud my judgement. Damon, Bonnie, Elena... It was more than I could handle today. I put my head into my hands, letting myself sink into my lap.

I'm 16 and I want to retire already. I laughed at the thought.

I shot up, there was a rustling in the thick underbrush. Footsteps, male, moving faster, heartbeat- wait, what?

I pinched the bridge of my nose, not again. "Hey speedy Gonzolez. Find your tail between your legs in the last half-hour?" I asked with a bitter twist to my voice. I picked up a pebble and threw it in his direction. I heard him catch it.

"Aren't you full of it today." He said it with a questioning lilt to his voice, I knew he meant it with a threat carved into his cadence. He walked around my stump and stood in front of me on the road. "Had to get sober." He shrugged at the statement, like he'd simply just said I was a girl and he was a guy.

I raised a brow at him. "Are you a clone or something? An alien trying to take over the stupid little town of Mystic Falls."

He smiled. "Not much to take over."

" All aliens need to start building their hybrid cloning nests somewhere."

"Ew." He grimaced.

"It's true. The TV done told me sir. I saws it wit' my own eyes." I imitated a southerner a little too well. Damon told me as much. I told him to shove it. He sat down cross-legged in front of me. He put his hands under his chin and stared up at me expectantly. I recoiled slightly. "Okay seriously, who are you and what have you done with duchebag Damon Salvatore?" He shrugged again.

"Dunno, but I feel like I should ask you something." He looked contemplative and very, un-Damon-like.

"Well ask away hot shot. And then go away." He was just staring at me, scrutinizing me. "Okay that's getting a bit creepy now" I felt like a frog jumping into the frying pan. I shifted and sat up straighter. "Okay I'll bite, what do you want to ask me?"

"That kiss..." He seemed lost in thought again. "What you heard me think, i felt it." I scoffed.

"Obviously bat-boy. You jumped away from me like I set you on fire." He cocked his head at me.

"You know I can't actually turn into a bat?" He was almost amused.

"Boo, reject bat-boy. What, you a Friday batch vampire? No love for the poor guy with the terrible fashion sense?"

"Hey!" Good, at least he changed his expression to something slightly normal, or whatever was 'normal Damon'. "Insult my style, I rip your throat out." I leaned forward on my knees.

"Why? It's not like you care what you look like." I looked away from him, "or what you do to other people." All of a sudden I felt heated. "You can't just kiss a girl and blame it on being drunk. Either pine for Elena or get a real girl, don't be a dick and then come out here and stare at me for some creepy fucking reason. And FOR GODS SAKE DAMON, stop staring at me..." His piercing blue gaze remained unwavering, passive and increasingly alarming.

"Can I kiss you again?" He asked. I was confused.

"I- you- what? I- no, wait. What?" He sped over to me. His black hair feathered out across his face, his lashes were long and fluttering, even though he still stared at me with those swirling ice pools, there was something in his gaze. It was almost soft, something that made those icy eyes appear as blue as the open sky. It made me feel- free. "Yes."

He was on me in a second, the fire, the passion, that hot burning sensation pressing into my lips. His hands roamed my lower back, he gripped my waist so hard I thought be could snap me in two right there. He probed my lips apart with his tongue, asking permission for entry. I allowed it, God help me. Suddenly I was pinned against a tree, he brought my thigh up and pressed it against his hip. My stomach exploded into little butterflies, my heart felt like it might give out at any second. All of a sudden my arms were wrapped around his neck and I was pulling him closer. I moaned into his mouth as we moved around each other, matching our rhythms.

We shouldn't be doing this. It was a thought, just a simple passing thought as I allowed myself to give back into him. He pulled away from me, breathless as I was. He looked at me, eyes deep and intense. I recognized that look in his eye. "You heard that didn't you?" He only nodded.

Then he was off of me and 3 feet away. I felt him put up all his barriers, brush his jacket down with his hands and turn up his collar. Like nothing ever happened. He stared at me coldly, calculating. "We need to go."

I blinked. "Where?" I was still Damon-ed out. My brain wasn't working like it should've been.

"Georgia. I think I know what's happening to us, and if you have any sense you'll want to stop it." He looked like a pillar, tall and unwavering. I was going with him, it didn't matter what I said or how loud I screamed.

So all I said was, " What's happening Damon?" I could hear the exhaustion in my voice, I could feel the darkness spreading through my consciousness .

He walked over to me, letting me lean my weight into him and I began to see spots. He sighed, the same tiredness I was feeling weighing on his breath. "I think it's a vampire thing. We have to get a move on before the, uh, the coven moves on." He was fighting whatever this was better than i was.

I couldn't get words out. My body went limp. What vampire thing?

I think our souls might be bonding. I heard him reply in my mind. Then the darkness swallowed me.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Hey!!! Thank you so much for reading.

This is a long one I know. But I felt like some regular screening for teenage drama needed to be added in. I know this is kind of filler, but oooo, what's Y/Ns secret end game? And why's Damon being so sketchy?

Requests are open!

Comment and let me know what you think of the story so far!

Masterlist

[audiblehush]

Listen, I’m on the “I’ll believe it when I see it” train with all these inconsistent S3 rumors because 1) LOL the fucking Sun, people, really?! and 2) “Well, the friend of my friend said… and they’re really reliable! Trust me!” 🙄

But even if it all ends up being true: I’ve already seen a handful of great posts talking about no, it’s NOT actually harming Colin’s character, thanks, and would make a lot of sense from what we know about where he’s at mentally so far - I’ll try not to rehash stuff they’ve already argued really well… and probably fail once i get going 😬

But I would also like to throw out that canonically… Book!Colin ALSO had experience prior to his relationship with Penelope?? Not to rakeish levels, but yeah, he had sexual encounters with women… That he then specifically mentions as meaning NOTHING once he compares it to what he has with Penelope because with her there is actual LOVE built over YEARS of INTIMACY.

And since Show!Colin is markedly younger than his book counterpart, it would make sense that this is something he is exploring, whether the initial choice is through coercion from his brother(s), or because he is curious, or… whatever he reason is?? It doesn’t matter??

He’s YOUNG. Being young means being curious about sex! It often means learning over time the difference between mere physicality vs intimacy. Learning about sex can be messy, confusing, wonderful, terrible, mediocre, not what you thought it’d be, etc etc etc.

Regardless of if we’re taking about Penelope OR Colin: Context is everything and WE. DON’T. HAVE. ANY. YET.

Penelope has her own coping mechanism for what she’s dealing with on her own throughout the show with LW; why is Colin any different, whether that’s drinking, tea, sex, etc? He’s clearly exploring different aspects of himself and finding what appeals or doesn’t appeal to him. And that’s normal!!

The IRONY of people claiming they’re furious at Colin treating women like sex toys… when that’s exactly how some people view Colin for Penelope. He is more than a prop for her! Their whole story is that they choose each other after years of self discovery and recognition of each others true selves… ALL of their past experiences included.

Even if the rumored second instance is true… 1) it would clearly be used as a way to prove that he’s miserable and NEEDS love and Pen and intimacy and 2) characters make mistakes... often ones they learn from. Pen has made her fair share of poor choices, too. Colin has and WILL make mistakes because that is what interesting, developing characters do, yet y’all act like he is unforgivable for being given his own plot scenes. He is NOT just there to have sex with Penelope!! He is a character outside of his romance with his own struggles to grapple with!

Also, please be real - this was SO NORMAL for men during this era, especially at his age! Why are MODERN DAY AUDIENCES acting so fucking scandalized?? One or two instances doesn’t even make him a real rake, ESPECIALLY if it’s being framed as him realizing it isn’t what he ultimately wants! Why are you even watching this show if something like this is so offensive to you?!

If all this ends up being accurate (which again, I doubt), I will admit I’ll probably be picky about how it’s handled… but I’ve always felt that way about this pairing in the short time I’ve been in the fandom.

But I NEED people to chill the fuck out until the season actually airs. You’re lambasting something you HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN YET.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Jacob's 'louis hates humans' comments are so interesting. I wouldn't have put it so harshly myself, but I always thought fans were missing the point when they insisted Louis' reluctance to drink human blood was a sign of his deep empathy and kindness. In the book, certainly, I felt like Louis was too self-obsessed to care that deeply about humans, and that his shame at being a vampire was more about his bloodlust forcing him to confront who he really is - his desires being so at odds with his self-image, having to grapple with being a "monster", the thought of damnation etc. IDK how the show will spin this stuff, but it sounds like they're taking Louis to some challenging places this season...

I wouldn't have put it that harshly either, but in a way I'm glad Jacob did, because... yeah.

In the book, Louis complains more about Lestat forcing him to eat "human" immediately than about the fact in and by itself "I should never have started with human beings. But this was something I had to learn by myself."

That's... not respect for human life, that's ... snobbiness. (As Jacob said, Louis' a snob!!! (I love how they have their characters down, truly)).

It is not about empathy and kindness, it is about control. Later on (in the books), when Louis could theoretically not eat as much human he goes hunting with Lestat, because by then he has accepted, and wants it.

This season will have a... small part of that struggle, I think. If it ends where I think it ends then that cataclysmic event will start Louis on his road of self-acceptance, and full realization.

And I want that for Louis!

And... I think the show has foreshadowed that:

"Be all the beautiful things you are, and be them without apology."

Yeah. That :))

For these vampires that means ... accept that you're a monster.

And, ultimately, revel in it.

[jennamoran]

The Far Roofs: the Rats' Books of Names

cover art by Isip Xin

Hi!

Today I’m going to talk a little bit more about my forthcoming RPG, the Far Roofs. I’ve previously talked about

general principles,

the rats,

the campaign,

the Mysteries, and

my favorite Mystery.

Today, I want to talk about a key setting element:

The rats' "books of names."

So, the high concept here is pretty simple. The rats of this game are pretty cool, but not cool enough to deal with god-monsters on any kind of equal basis. The Mysteries aren't like Goliath to their David, at least not usually; they're more like Scylla and Charybdis to their Odysseus. Sometimes it's possible to negotiate. Sometimes it's possible to fight back. But a lot of the time, "winning" a confrontation with a Mystery is more about surviving. Making it through.

Except ...

Just like it was for human mariners, a situation where the whole environment they travel through is full of impossible horrors one just can't do anything about ... that's kind of untenable. Humans never made the sea safe, but they did learn to navigate it. They figured out how to sail, how to chart, how to not get constant scurvy, how to knot rigging, all that stuff.

In like fashion, the rats have this multi-generational project to, basically, nibble away at the "Mystery" part of the Mysteries. To not just survive their encounters, but to come away with a bit more information every time.

To learn, eventually, how to handle all of this stuff, all these monstrous divinities that haunt the Far Roofs.

The Books of Names, in short, are a sacred tradition of the rats and pretty much a defining feature of their interactions with the Mysteries. Most families of rats keep their own set. The shelves of the rats' great libraries overflow with huge and magnificently illuminated Books of Names—dozens or hundreds for any given Name. Over the generations, at a grievous cost, the rats are grinding down the impossible magic of the roofs into something comprehensible, something they can grapple with. To record truth, and insightful commentary, and eventually learn to live with even the greatest and most awful Mysteries.

What this all means to the rats is a little tangled. They worship the Mysteries, I think, and hunt them; they are hunted by the Mysteries in turn. They dream of one day defeating or destroying them, but I don’t think they’d like the world where they’d been destroyed. They are hammered into shape, both as individuals and a people, by the Mysteries, and I don’t think I can ever really fully express what these books, or the Mysteries themselves, mean to them.

They are rich, like cake, like wine, like a well-loved and annotated cookbook. They are generations of wisdom, bound in form.

To the rats, they are, I think, life itself.

Let me show you what an example is like! Like, what you might see opening up some rat family's Book on the Mystery Hoop Snake.

.

Quick Hoop Snake sketches, by Jenna

.

So your typical Book of Names is going to start with a couple of introductory pages, maybe some sketches or whatever, and then move on to what the rats call a Mystery's "heralds," the ... ways you know that the Mystery is near. The things that you see when it's interested in you, when it's considering haunting you, or just passing by. The things that it emerges from, in the world.

It'll usually start with a list, with lots of room left to go, like:

.

Heralds of Hoop Snake ...

* blurred vision * getting turned about * sudden light or sudden darkness * the sudden realization that something is, and has been, very wrong * * * * * ...

and then, like, a couple pages set aside to go into each of those more, with a mix of personal statements (often newsletter clippings, because the rats send these comments around) and summarized opinions or facts.

Like:

.

Blurred Vision

“I saw it on the road. Down the alley, past the milk crate, in front of that old cabinet someone left out on the street. I was rubbing my eyes, and they were a little blurry, and for a moment, I wasn’t sure I’d seen it, or what I’d seen. It was just this blur of colors rushing by, all these colors. And I thought, a flag? A mural? Someone’s shopping bag, caught by the wind? It wasn’t until I’d had that happen like three more times, these half-caught glimpses of color, in the rain, when I didn’t have my glasses on, from the corner of my eye, that I actually saw Hoop Snake direct.” — Alyona Waynwright, 2018

.

NOTES

Gavrilo writes that Hoop Snake lives in the confused sensorium. The world jumbles up, and Hoop Snake comes out.

Ioanna comments: “Little incongruities become bigger ones.”

Constantinope Volkov accidentally summoned Hoop Snake through an abstract in-progress painting. He could not later replicate this feat.

Elsibet Križ proposes a mechanism similar to the way that new, unknown scents temporarily seem like improbable combinations of the known—how your first encounter with a cat does not produce the sensation, “Ah, this is the smell of cat” but “oh no, my parents are being ripped apart. The world is shaking. Why is there peppermint?” You mistake the world, and Hoop Snake is there.

Meredith McCawley (human) comments that when she is very sleepy a pile of colored yarn can look like a snake to her; the passing lights of the cars, like eyes.

Kesterley Novác pushed on her eyelids to watch shapes spin. They got more and more detailed until one day she saw Hoop Snake! Trying to chase Hoop Snake into her eyes she wound up headbutting the wall.

.

Getting Turned Around

You are nodding along. You are small, they say. And meek. You are but a child. I will fix that for you, they say. You think, “Wait, what?” In that “Wait, what?” there is a snake. — Iodine Petrova, 2012

.

NOTES

Maria Augustine, Leverage Jordan, and Daisuke Ozlov attest this experience of Hoop Snake: “we are confused, and then, we are not confused. A snake takes its tail into its mouth, and rolls.”

Kaeda Vanagir was noted as having frequently become lost in the weeks before her June 1993 disappearance chasing after Hoop Snake. (May she one day return.)

Jezdimir Czerny likened the moment of seeing Hoop Snake to becoming turned around, to feeling like you know where you are and where you’re going, and then you look up, and you’re actually somewhere else.

Violeta Schulz was flung from a spinning ferris wheel and, before she landed, a snake burst from the bushes to, as the witnesses described it, “drink her down like wine.”

I found a Hoop Snake scale in a little store that I’ve never seen again.

Hoop Snake Scale

.

“I was literally just popping out to buy the news. Only, I hadn’t had my coffee yet, and somehow I wound up … I don’t even know where. It was a garden, up on the roofs, but it wasn’t a rat garden, and I don’t know where it is, and I can't find that place now. There was a colored banner, there, tied to a tree. It fluttered like a snake in the wind.” — Presley Weekes, 2014

.

Sudden light, by Jenna Moran

.

Sudden Light, or Sudden Darkness “There were noises in the dark. Thumping. Crashing. I thought it was the cats. My brain was so sleepy. I couldn’t put it together, except: oh, the cats got down here. We don’t even have cats. So I stagger out there. I’m not even dressed, just a long shirt on. I didn’t have my glasses on. Everything was just a blur. And I look at the cats, the thing I thought was cats, and like, for just a moment it was. For just a moment, it was cats, moving in the dark. Then it was ‘cats,’ like, one thing, one item, one animal, with two parts, that were shaped like cats. Like a dromedary, if cats were humps. It stuck its tail in its mouth. It began to roll away. ‘Like Hell,’ I said, but I didn’t give chase. I wasn’t dressed!” — Lucy Stokes (human), 2004

.

NOTES

Valery Merlin experienced frequent incidents of his electric lantern coming on unexpectedly and blinding his eyes, sometimes accompanied by a fulgurative scent. This ended when the flare of the light revealed a snake like a coiled spring; he fell over, the lantern broke, and the incident thus resolved.

Priscilla Augustine reports a summer cold that stuffed up her nose to the point of intermittent blindness, during which intervals objects would fall of their shelves, slithering or rolling noises echo through the halls, and glittering snake scales appear in unlikely places. Later, Hoop Snake appeared; when she complained that she could not chase it owing to her cold, it leapt up her sinus passages, cleared them out ... and vanished.

In 2007, Tsubasa Kysely reported such high levels of paparazzi harassment that “I can hardly see from all the flashing.” He would ultimately disappear in what is believed to be a Hoop Snake incident; may he one day return.

When our senses become unreliable, Eureka writes, the world becomes the inexplicable.

.

The Sudden Realization that Something Is, or Has Been, Very Wrong

“The funny thing was, that wasn’t the first time I saw the snake. It had already been there. It was in that picture frame, hanging over my bed: this picture of a snake. Sometimes it moved. It was in the background on this show I watched. I would go outside, and sit on the edge of the roof, and there’d be a snake there, all curled up with its tail in its mouth, and I’d say to it ‘hey.’ I had to keep moving it out of the sink. One time, I think, I walked into my house, but it wasn’t my house. It was the snake. And I still didn’t realize. I still wasn’t able to really process, here is something inexplicable. It was just part of the world I thought I knew, until one day, I looked at it with fresh eyes and went ‘oh my freaking saints, that is a snake.’ It was like it was laughing at me, when it stuck its tail in its mouth. Like it was making fun of me. I took a step towards it, and it rolled away. Another step. Another. But there wasn’t roof underneath me any more, so I fell.” — Mikhael Bygones, 2015

.

NOTES

Gavrilo writes that we often fail to recognize the presence of Hoop Snake in our lives until it has already been present for some time.

Meriadoc Ozoles was famous as “the Chasing Mayor” because she kept running after bits of colored string floating by in the breeze. It wasn’t until she caught one and it turned out to be Hoop Snake that people remembered that colored string doesn’t normally just float by all the time.

Maglev Brunsinick grew up in a burrow that turned out not to be real: he wandered out one day, and looked back, and there was only a snake. "I should have known," he says, "looking back, what with the way Mom and Dad were just internal organs. But, like, I was a kit?"

Torrin kept tripping over her grandmother's tail everywhere in the house. One day, she spilled hot oatmeal all over her grandmother's tail. "Oh no!" she said, and tried to clean it off, but her grandmother wasn't in the room. The tail wasn't reacting to the heat. Also, it was a snake tail. She dashed in to confront Hoop Snake; startled, it threw aside her grandmother's shawl, looked every which way in a panic, and then flung itself away down the drain.

Vasilisa writes: "What is reality but a snake we won't see?"

.

“At some point I realized that I did not work at the company. I think it was the looks people were giving me. Steve. Like, there was Steve, and he had this look in his eye like, ‘why is there a rat here. Why is the rat wearing a suit. Why is the rat carrying a folder with our third quarter projections.’ I was just strolling along, on top of my game and on top of the world, but I couldn’t help shriveling a little at all the looks. At this growing disorientation, like: Why is this place? What is it for? Why was I heading to my cubicle to spin around and around and around on my swivel chair when the skies were so blue; when the roofs were so high? Who even hired me? Who decided that this was the way life would be? Why do people who don’t do any work get paid so much more than us rats down here in the trenches who do? And the more I tried to just cope and keep moving, the louder the questions got inside my heart, until I spun around and I pointed and I said, ‘because I’m damn good at this, STEVE.’ He was so gentle. I was … I wasn’t expecting that he’d be so gentle. ‘If only,’ he said. ‘If only that was why anyone found their way here.’” — Rufica du Lac, 2016

.

Jenna Talking Again

It's basically that kind of thing! Plus a lot of blank room left for more.

After that section on the Heralds, it'd move on to the "weapons" of the Mystery, the way it hurts you, the way it messes around with your life; like, for Hoop Snake ...

.

The Weapons of Hoop Snake ...

* ridicule * confusion * anything you don't expect them to be * * * * ...

.

... but, I think I'll stop there for now.

I hope you enjoyed this glimpse at the rats' Books of Names! Don't forget to check the kickstarter out!

[snow-angel-maker]

Tada! Here are Mabel and Dipper’s character designs for my Fern Falls AU for Gravity Falls! I'm really happy with how they turned out. Here are some explanations on some design choices I made:

Mabel - When I was drawing Mabel, I was thinking about all her accessories from the show, and I realized that a grappling hook in a world where everyone could fly would function like a disability Aid. So, instead of getting rid of her grappling hook, I decided that in my AU, Mabel would have a deformed wing. I believe she can still get off the ground with her wings, but she can't really control where she gose.

I think Dipper helps her stay on course most of the time, but the grappling hook gives her more Independence.

Dipper - the only real big change I made to Dippers design was getting rid of most of the blue. Blue occurs rarely in nature, so I changed most of it to a greenish teal. The book is still blue because I assume in this AU Mabel still got it from another universe like in the comic.

Magic - I like to think most, if not all, fairies have magic in my AU. I imagine magic is a skill, but it's also connected to being intelligent. Dipper has a lot of potential for more advanced stuff, but the main thing he can do is use magic to move and lift stuff. (OG Dipper strikes me as the kind of guy that would try to lift things with his mind to see if he had powers as a kid). That could also be another he he tries to help Mabel get around.

Mabel's magic is more limited, but she makes far more ues out of it than Dipper dose. Like in her picture, she can create beautiful sparkles whenever she wants, which is always, every day, 24-7!!

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions for this AU, I'd love to hear them!

[bekkachaos]

BRIDGERTON THOUGHTS PRT 2 !

Send help it's literally more Polin I can't help it!

Once again, spoilers ahead for S3 part 2 so keep scrolling if you don't want em! This is my part 1.

It might be an unpopular opinion, but there was too much angst for me. Colin was too angsty for too long, and I know it was only really an episode and a half, But I felt like we got too much of book Colin's bad side and not enough understanding. Like I very much get it and he had a very valid reason for being hurt, but it was dragged almost to the very end of the last episode and I just wish there would have been a little less.

The constant asking if she was going to give up Whistledown kind of annoyed me and how cold he was every time they had that conversation just broke my heart a little bit for Penelope.

I know so much has been changed from books to show, but it's strange that in the book he knows about Whistledown before anything really happens, I mean they have that first kiss where she asks him to but everything else happens after he already knows. So for him to be so cold. Just made me feel sad. I understand it in the context of the show but still.

And something I really disliked was when they're in the room where they're going to have their wedding breakfast and Penelope asks something along the lines of "if you still want to marry me" and he says "I'm a man of honour and we were intimate", I really hate that it came to suggesting he would marry her out of obligation, It just really rubbed me the wrong way. And I wish it had been something along the lines of. "I love you Penelope and I want to marry you. I just don't know if I can forgive you for this", which he'd already said, but I would way rather that have been put out there than to ever even imply that he could marry her out of obligation. I know he was mad and betrayed and jealous, But that one line really bothers me. I've made a whole post basically saying this word for word but that's how strongly I feel about it! Like I get it from Colin's perspective and how he's grappling with it, I do, I just didn't like it.

Also, Colin never actually said sorry? For treating her like shit after he found out. Like I do think his feelings were valid and that he deserved to be upset, but he never said sorry for some of the stuff he said and for being cold even though Penelope apologised so many times.

Luke's emotion though when Colin found out and in the conversations after was incredible, when the tear fell at the end of ep 6 my heart stopped and then broke into tiny pieces!

Something about their pairing that I really like though is that they both feel inherently unlovable for one reason or another (Penelope has always felt completely unloved and overlooked, and Colin has always felt people showed him affections for shallow reasons and not actually for who he is), but both of them prove to each other over and over again how much they love the other and know the other and see them in a way no-one else does.

HOWEVER, I'm not sure they did a good enough job portraying Colin's side of this (I'll update on my rewatch send help). Not sure his coldness and hesitation was addressed enough as jealousy as it could have been. The scene where Penelope says "just love me and hold me and kiss me, what holds you back" and he says "I don't know" like was that just a little abrupt or was that just me? Because from the book I could follow that it's the jealousy of how accomplished she is but not sure the general audience picks up on that.

AND ANOTHER THING, there was absolutely not enough making up after everything was resolved with Whistledown, I needed more love and kisses and softness after the ball!

I know there were things being added to set up for the next season, but damn it was already 70 minutes long, what's 5 more of sweet and in love Polin??

Gotta say though, all of them with their babies in the end was adorable, and you can't deny the last shot kissing in the sunlight of the drawing room (where Penelope spent so much time staring out the window pining after Colin) was so fucking romantic! And the shot with their little baby boy, love!

One last thing, did they spend an exorbitant amount of time dancing or is that just me? Almost as much time as they all spent drinking lemonade in eps 1-4

Overall I loved their story, it's been my favourite pairing so far. Not sure any of the others will top it for me, but time will tell! Episodes 4-5 were definitely my favourites by a long shot!

Okay okay imma do part 3 with my thoughts on everything else 😂

[phantom-dc]

Dad Hood - part 4

Jason is gearing up for patrol. He’d prefer not to leave Danny alone, but he needs to meet with his men to make sure that things run smoothly if he takes a break while he figures this whole situation out. Danny tugs on his jacket.

‘Where are you going?’ asks Danny. Jason doesn’t want the kid to know what he does, so he skims over it.

‘I’m just going to work, kiddo. Can you promise me you’ll stay in here? If you’re a good boy and stay in the appartement, I’ll bring home some Bat-burgers, ok?’

Danny says he wants Nasty burgers. Confused why a kid would want gross food, Jason ruffles Danny’s hair.

‘Ok, now go to bed, kiddo. It’s already late.’

Danny crawls into the bed that’s way too large for him. Jason thinks he really needs to get him his own room. Jason grapples out the window and activates the alarm. Time to get to work. He jumps and lands on a roof, dropping into a roll to cushion the landing. Making his way towards the warehouse where the meeting was taking place, Jason was certain that Danny would just sleep through the night. He’d have nothing to worry about.

Danny tries to sleep, but he just can’t. He gets up, bored. He tries to watch some tv, but all the channels are weird this time of night, so he turns it off. He plays a bit with Mr. Bun-Bun, but soon grows bored. He grabs some juice from the fridge, but the cold gives him an idea. He knows what to play!

Jason had a productive night. He told Bill to take charge of the more illegal side of Red Hood’s business. Sandy would take care of the charity stuff, she was good at that and always eager to help. Together, Jason knew he had nothing to worry about while he tried to sort out Danny’s case. After that he dealt with some thieves, got some kids back home, made sure his girls were ok, and then it was time to head back. After picking up burgers he was heading back home. On the way he checked in on comms. He did it once a night, otherwise his brothers would come and check in on him. Speaking of, it seems he was correct. Sounds like Dick still couldn’t believe how Damian managed to smuggle a whole penguin into the Manor. He’d almost gotten away with it if Alfred hadn’t decided to clean that particular bathroom. Damian still insisted that Sgt. Byrd would have been perfectly happy living in the Manor. As Jason climbed into his window he said that penguins can’t live in bathrooms.

‘They need lots of room and-‘ crunch. ‘Snow?’

Jason hung up. He looked down and saw that he had stepped in snow. In his living room. As Jason gets in completely he looks around, confused. How did all this snow get in here? He goes to the bedroom and sees the bed is empty. Worried, he calls out for Danny. Did Mr. Freeze kidnap him? Then Danny answers back:

‘I’m in here!’

Following the sound, Jason goes to the kitchen. There he finds Danny, happily making a snowman.

‘Jason, look! I made a snowman!’

Realizing there is no danger, Jason kneels down to Danny’s level.

‘I see that buddy. He’s got nice glov- are those my oven mitts?’

Danny says they are. ‘I couldn’t find any snowgloves!’

Jason smiles, it’s kinda cute. ‘Danny, where did you get the snow from?’ Danny says it came from his hands. Jason is confused.

‘Your hands?’

Danny gets exited: ‘I can make SNOW!’ He raises is hands and suddenly it is snowing in his kitchen. Jason takes out his black notebook, and writes down:

Accelerated healing

Invisibility

Cryokinesis

He puts the book back in his pocket and holds Danny’s hands to calm him down.

‘Hey Danny. I love the snowman, I really do. But can you promise me that, if you want to make a snowman to do that in the bathroom? It’s a lot easier to clean things up in there.’

Danny says he’s sorry, but Jason ruffles his head.

‘It’s ok kiddo. Now, who wants some Bat burgers?’

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[metalandmagi]

The differences in Aspec representation

(and why variety is important) I didn't know what to title this, but since it's pride month, I wanted to talk about two books that I just read and the different approaches they take to aspec representation....mainly because no one I know would read these and I just wanted to talk about them lol

Book 1: Attached at the Hip by Christine Riccio.

This is a New Adult romcom where our main character, an extremely co-dependent 23 year old woman named Orie competes in a Survivor type reality TV show to prove to her family that she is totally not co-dependent (and you know, to win the prize money and stuff).

This book is what I like to call "accidental" or "sneaky" aspec rep. What the fuck does that mean, you ask? I call it that because the author includes a scene in the book where Orie is talking to another character about her view of romance, and the other character makes the comment that it seems like Orie is demisexual or demiromantic or aspec. And since Orie is not the kind of person who thought to ever google her sexuality, we're kind of just left to sit with that. So even though the main character never calls herself demi, the readers know that she is. And more importantly, the themes in this book are so attuned to the aspec experience it's not even funny.

Remember how I said Orie is co-dependent? Well, the main conflict of this book is Orie coming to terms with being able to do things by herself and struggling with the fear that her family and friends will all abandon her one day because she feels like a perpetual burden or third wheel. She wants to find her perfect fairytale romance, but she has a hard time connecting with people that way, so for a while she thinks it's best to stay with her boyfriend that she clearly feels nothing for, just because she feels like she's supposed to. By the end of the book, Orie feels like she must pivot into being able to do EVERYTHING by herself because she might be forced to eventually. Sound familiar? I can't speak for everyone, but this is something most aspec people struggle with their entire lives. Yes allo people can have this fear too, but I feel like it hits us differently. Because the world doesn't treat platonic friendships as importantly as it should, and because we don't view romance or sex the same way as most people, we are left with that fear of exclusion all the time!

This book is the aspec experience, whether the author intended it to be or not, and it actually hit me much harder than I thought it would because I was completely blindsided by it. It's a super funny, heartwarming romcom, especially for fans of Survivor. I loved it because it made me feel even more seen than a coming-of-age grapple with sexuality like Loveless did. And I don't even know if it was on purpose. I've followed Christine Riccio for a very long time, and idk if she is some form of demi, but her characters and themes (even in her other books) make it seem that way.

Book 2: Aces Wild by Amanda Dewitt.

As you can probably guess, this book is completely, unapologetically ace in its representation. The plot revolves around a group of aspec teenagers who rob a casino in Vegas. Which means that yes, it's basically a modern AU Six of Crows fanfic where the author wondered, "What if Kaz Brekker grew up as the rich heir to a casino empire?"

I promise I don't mean that like an insult, because I actually liked the book a fair bit, especially the writing style. It's hilarious and fast paced, and as someone who is extremely familiar with casinos, this is the kind of book that makes me angry because I should have written it first.

The thing about this book compared to Attached At The Hip is the fact that the characters are aspec is completely irrelevant to the story. AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY! AUTHORS DO NOT OWE IT TO PEOPLE TO MAKE EVERY QUEER STORY A COMING-OF-AGE STRUGGLE WITH SEXUALITY! This book is a fun romp, and the fact that the characters are aspec doesn't really make a difference to anything at all. The main character still has a crush, and there is still romance just like any typical YA romcom. HOWEVER, my only real problem with this book stems from the side characters feeling like cardboard cutouts with no reason to feel like they're all friends. Their interactions aren't bad, but the book relies on the fact that our main group is all aspec to convince the audience why they're friends. We get a little bit of backstory about how they're all nerds who met in a chat room, but not much depth to them. There are too many side characters and too few pages for anyone (except the main character) to feel fleshed out. It's because of this that it feels like the aspec rep is sort of...an afterthought. I don't know if the author is aspec (and it shouldn't matter either way) but I don't like it when characters (especially ace characters) feel like afterthoughts. We get enough of that in real life.

But that doesn't change the fact that this is the only book I've read (or media I've encountered in general) where the majority of the characters are aspec. It's a hilarious good time, and this type of low stakes representation is just as important! It's important to show that aspec people exist without needing to fit a "coming to terms with your sexuality" kind of narrative.

So yeah, this was just my excuse to get my thoughts in order, and to try and convince people to read these 😅

[ionlydrinkhotwater]

I've been thinking about the difference between Davy and Malcolm and how Malcolm hurt Baz by the things he never said but through his actions demonstrated that he loves Baz very much. Like he never openly says he approves of who Baz is and of course Bazs hurt is valid in wanting to hear the words and not getting them. But Malcolm shows that he accepts him by making sure Baz has animals to drink and inviting Simon to Christmas. And Baz wanting to reach out to his dad in WS when he felt overwhelmed, he imagined that his dad would say things he didn't want to hear EX leave Agatha to die, but he knows it would be coming from a place where he values Bazs life and safety over Baz being a hero and Baz in his lowest moment wanting his dad shows that even Baz knows his dad loves him.

On the flip side as RR pointed out Davy says really encouraging stuff to Simon but he put in zero emotional labour behind it and when he did praise Simon it had strong stage dad energy where it's more about pressure, control and even vicariously living though him than actually building Simon up. I think its sad that for Simon Davys empty words are good enough because he had no way of knowing that it wasn’t. I think in CO when Simon wants to go to the Mage after he learns he's the Humdrum it's not to seek answers or comfort I think he knows that he's going there to be destroyed. Like all he is as a person is what the Mage made him and he's going to him to be destroyed figuratively and literally.

I just read "Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zautner and how parents can't always understand or especially for certain generations, express themselves to their children but they find avenues to show their love and I feel like Baz and Malcolm have that sort of secret language of affection with each other: Malcolm doing things to show his love for his son, Baz mimicing Malcolms habits. And I also finished "I'm Glad my Mom Died" by Jennette McCurdy and I feel like her Stage mom had so much Davy energy maybe Simon will get to a place where he'll be glad he killed his dad. I think Simon can sort of grasp that he loved Davy and I think the part of his emotions he's repressing is the part of him that's relieved he's gone and that maybe a part of him hates Davy. And he'll have to grapple with feeling both those things about Davy someday. Yeah reading books about complicated relationships with moms made me think about CO dads

I do think it's interesting that Simon when he thought hed marry Agatha he said hed ask Dr Wellbelove what hed do for his future or in SFC when he says he wants to join the RAF and I although I think that's sweet that he wants to be like his grandfather I also wonder if it's Simon attaching himself to another father figure that is also emotionally one sided (not because Andrew is a bad person but he's dead and so Simon can infuse him with the "footballer" dad fantasy he had when he's an orphan) Simon is constantly looking for a grown man to tell him what to do and who he is. He seriously needs to talk to someone, his dad issues are very meaty