falling for jason todd happens slowly and then all at once
it starts with lazy pre-patrol Friday evenings. he knows you don't have work in the morning so he stays for a snack before heading out.
it turns into "hey wanna watch a movie?" which turns into "I'm ordering food for us" and then you're lying on the couch at other ends but your feet are in his lap as top gun plays on the TV and he doesn't even realize he's doing it but he's rubbing the tension out of your heels.
it turns into "oh my office has a workshop for first aid happening" and you take it because you figure you should know how to patch him up after the bad nights
that turns into him showing up on a Tuesday night, which NEVER happens but he's on edge and he's anxious and he doesn't know what else to do and he just needs a hug and you do it.
you hold him until he stops shaking and he falls asleep on you like a weighted blanket.
maybe in hindsight, that is where it all started. waking up in a mess of limbs and untangling yourself, pushing him off until he falls on the ground and you laugh before leaving to get ready for work and... he doesn't leave. he's there when you come back in the evening because he just- he doesn't have an answer except, he didn't want to go.
you shrug and say you don't mind and you continue with your evening errands and chores and he orders food and during it all you realize how... domestic this all is.
it's a wednesday evening and he knows gotham is waiting for him but tonight...just tonight, he wasn't something calm, something normal.
the air is thick but neither of you address it. and he leaves eventually with unsaid words and confusion hanging in his mind.
the routine of friday night hangouts continue but every touch is more.. electric and neither of you say anything because you really do think that it's just in YOUR mind and the other doesn't feel that way at all.
it goes on for weeks and weeks until the tension gets so bad that you're snapping at each other for even breathing too loud but still you're in the same space because you can't handle the thought of being a part
it goes on for an embarrassing long time because even though the love is requited, you're both just fucking idiots
it goes on until a bad patrol night and he shows up with a bunch of knives sticking out of his back and instead of going to a safehouse or alfred, he's here. with you. and your hands are shaking because this surgery level shit and you took a BASIC aid workshop. you're crying silently as you do your best to fix him even with the Lazarus healing kicking in and you keep whispering to yourself "not yet not yet not like this not like this not before I can say-"
and everything just ...freezes
"Before what?" He rasps, his breath laboured and hard
"It's nothing-" You whisper and continue to bandage him
so he twists his back and looks at you, asking again.
"Before what?" His eyes are glowing green as his wounds are slowly starting to heal under your fingertips. "Please-" He strains. "Before what?"
"Before I can be brave enough-" You swallow, your shaking hands pressed against the bandage of his back
"Brave enough for...?" He whispers, his eyes darting across your face, memorizing every feature. Your eyes, your Cupid's bow, your parted lips-
"For this-" You finally take a leap and press your lips to his.
Drabble Master List.
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Never Forgot
Based on this post.
Steve knew something was wrong when she ran out of the room, choking back tears.
He felt bad, felt like there was something missing, but he didn’t remember her. Thinking about it, he realized he didn’t really remember anything.
“Robin?” Dustin asked when she all but ran out of the hospital room.
She stifled a sob and collapsed onto the bench next to him, holding a hand over her mouth. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” Tears welled in her eyes. “Dustin, he… he doesn’t remember me.”
Dustin took a deep breath and very carefully did not freak out. “Okay. You stay here, I’ll go talk to him. See if we can shake it loose or something.” He rolled his eyes at the look she gave him. “Not literally, Buckley, jeez. Keep your pants on.”
He squared his shoulders and walked into the hospital room. Steve looked fine, if tired—hospital lighting never did anyone any favors—but the absent smile he sent Dustin spoke volumes. “Hi,” he said quietly, stilted in a way he never was anymore. Not with Dustin. “Um, can you apologize to her for me? She seemed really upset and I’m not sure what I did but I think it’s my fault.”
Dustin sighed and sat in the chair by Steve’s hospital bed. “You really don’t remember her, huh.” It wasn’t a question, so Steve didn’t answer. “And I’m guessing you don’t remember me, either?”
Steve picked at the blanket on his lap. “I’m sorry.”
“Jesus fuck,” Dustin whispered, screwing his eyes shut. “Don’t apologize, Jesus, it’s not your fault. It just… sucks.”
Steve snorted. “Imagine waking up and only remembering one person.”
Dustin looked up at him sharply. “One person?”
Steve shrugged. “Guess I’d be a pretty shitty boyfriend if I didn’t, yeah.”
“Boyfriend?” Dustin blinked. “Steve, you’re not dating anyone.”
Steve frowned. “I am. Maybe you don’t know him? Eddie? Eddie Munson?”
“Eddie- Christ, Steve, of course I know Eddie, and you two aren’t dating. You’re, like, as straight as they come.”
“No- no, I am, I’m dating him, I’m- we’re-”
“Whoa, okay, hold up, calm down,” Dustin said, holding his hands out. “It’s fine, dude, okay, we’ll figure it out later but I don’t think you should be stressing this hard after just waking up.”
Steve hummed. “What, uh. What actually happened to me?”
Dustin sighed. “The doctors said your body essentially performed a hard reset. You’ve been running on fumes for too long. You collapsed from sheer exhaustion. At least you didn’t hit your head this time, though maybe that would’ve prevented you from losing your memory, so who fuckin’ knows.”
“Language,” Steve chided, then blinked when Dustin looked at him excitedly. “I don’t know where that came from.”
Dustin just laughed. It was only a little forced. “You’re just incapable of not being a mom.”
——————————
Robin went back in next, lightly tapping Dustin’s shoulder as she passed him in the doorway. He shook his head, and her heart sank. “He-” Dustin shook his head, bit his lip. “He thinks he and Eddie are dating. Eddie’s the only person he remembers.”
Robin gave him a little half-smile. “He’s had a crush on Eddie for a while. I didn’t realize it was this bad, but.” She shrugged. “I’ll talk to him. You call everyone else?”
“Yeah.”
She took a deep breath and walked into the room. “So,” she started. “You really don’t remember?”
Steve shook his head, eyebrows pinched. “I’m sorry. I wish I did.”
“Dustin said you remember one person?”
“Mhm. Eddie.”
“Right. And you and Eddie? What are you?”
Steve frowned even deeper. “Boyfriends. If we’re this close, shouldn’t you know that?”
Robin shrugged. “I’d like to think so. That’s why Dustin and I aren’t convinced you are dating. Maybe your memories are just… really vivid daydreams.”
“You really think so?”
Robin sighed heavily. “I don’t know what to think, Steve. Hell, I didn’t even know how bad it was until you collapsed. Some soulmate I am.”
“With a capital P,” Steve said, holding up a hand before Robin could say anything. “Sometimes certain memories are triggered. It’s… like a puzzle piece slotting into place. But I’ve got about a million more pieces missing. I can’t see what that specific piece connects to.”
Robin hums. “Okay. So you remember Eddie. And if I say Hellfire..?” Steve just frowned. “Or… Metallica?”
Steve smiled. “Yeah, I know that one.”
“Did you know that before I said it?”
Steve nodded. “Hellfire’s related to Eddie?”
Robin chuckled. “You could say that.”
“What is it?”
She laughed again. “I think I’ll let your boyfriend explain that one.”
“Even though you don’t believe we’re dating.”
Robin spread her hands. “Soulmates with a capital P, Steve. I can’t think of any reason you wouldn’t at least tell me. Especially since you know—err, knew—I’m a lesbian.”
Steve frowned. “Maybe Eddie didn’t want to? Does he know?”
“Yup.”
“Oh.” He frowned again. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
She sighed. “I’m not asking you to have all the answers. Especially now. Just… think about it, yeah?”
“I will,” he promised. “Um. Are you okay?”
“Jesus, Steve.” Robin laughed. It was only mostly hysterical. “Of course you’d still be thinking about everyone else. I’m fine. Or- I will be. You just take care of yourself, dingus.”
He chuckled. “Will do, Robbie.”
She sighed. “Another puzzle piece?” He nodded. “Alright. I’m gonna go track down Dustin and see where he’s at with all the other ankle-biters.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” She lingered for a half-second, then sighed again and walked out.
——————————
He was released two days later. Drove himself home, Robin in the passenger seat and Dustin in the back row. Dustin quizzed him about the rest of the Party the whole way home, made sure Steve knew their names forwards, backwards and upside down, as well as what everyone was like. “Max is kickass,” he said. “Like, she’ll absolutely smile in your face as she knees you in the balls. And it’s the kinda smile that strikes fear into a man. She’s awesome. And-”
“Okay,” Steve said, amused. He didn’t know how Dustin could go that long without a breath. “I’ll know what you’re talking about as soon as we get out of the car and get inside, right?”
Dustin yelped when he looked up to see them parked before scrambling out the door and running inside.
Steve grinned at Robin, who grinned back, before they made their way inside, albeit at a slower pace than Dustin had.
Steve vaguely recognized everybody, but his attention focused in on a very specific person. “Eds.”
Eddie smiled, small and soft and sweet, one of Steve’s favorites. “Heya, Stevie.”
Suddenly he couldn’t help himself. He had to be with Eddie, right then, it couldn’t wait, so he didn’t. Practically flung himself at Eddie, like he knew Eddie would catch him (he did). Attaches his mouth to Eddie’s, a silent promise, I never forgot you, flowing between them.
When they pulled back, Eddie stared at him like he’d hung the fucking sun. “You remember?” Eddie asked in a whisper.
“Never forgot,” Steve promised, at the same volume.
“What. The actual. Fuck,” Robin said. Eddie and Steve froze as they turned to face her and the rest of the Party, who were all staring with the same expression.
“Fuck,” Eddie whispered. “We forgot to tell Robin.”
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I'm half asleep when I get up from my bed, and sit down next to my ten-year-old self.
"You're an adult. You're not like me." They say.
"I'm still you." I reply with a sadness I wasn't prepared for. "I'm still just like you."
"No," they insist, "you're an authority. An other. Something I don't understand. I don't see myself in you."
"But I see myself in you." I'm desperate, and I don't know why.
"How?"
"You know about infinity, right?" I already know the answer, but I ask anyway.
"Yeah." They look up at me from the scribbles of Pokemon in a math notebook, from the stuffed animals arranged in a town made of blankets. I don't see the life in them anymore, but I remember what it was like to.
"The universe is infinite."
I pick up a stuffed animal. I still have this one, it now sits on a shelf untouched for years. The fabric is still just as soft, just as loved.
"So adults might know more." I say with conviction, surprised it's my own. "But we all carry the same amount of unknowing. We're all just as lost."
My ten-year-old eyes stare at me. I stare back.
"Why is this important to you?" They ask.
"I don't know." I answer truthfully.
"Maybe I'm just still scared of being left behind."
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currently thinking about Satan in nightbringer vs in the original
thinking about how in nightbringer he's always outside HoL when he wants to be alone since the others are always in the library + they keep chaining him to his bed, so he most likely doesn't feel safe in his own room to begin with
how Asmo keeps trying to invade his personal space (asking to do his hair, nails etc.) and doesn't take the hint, and how Lucifer casted a spell on Satan so he physically could not leave his side for a while, and how he's never really allowed the time to properly work through his emotions
that dinner party where the others all started talking about the Celestial Realm until Satan eventually stormed off
the way he describes being in their presence as torture and refuses to see them as his brothers, yet he's instantly calm around MC because they treat him decently
how the others kept complaining over how the demons of the Devildom were treating them-how they were discriminated against because they're fallen angels-yet they keep on treating Satan, the only full-fledged demon of HoL, like some feral animal that has to be put down in two days
currently thinking about how the very first thing we learn about Satan in the original is that he masks his emotions
him saying that he loves to go on walks alone and how he gets to meet all kinds of different people that way
thinking about how he's usually in the library instead of his room
when they were all up in the human world and the other brothers were outside stargazing, meanwhile Satan stayed inside. And when asked about it by Lucifer, he claimed it was because he wanted to read before offhandedly mentioning that they're reminiscing about the Celestial Realm and he won't understand any of it anyway
he now gets along better with all of his brothers and yet, when the two of them got lost once, he told MC that there's no need to worry, because his brothers would come looking for them, making it a point to add that they wouldn't search for him
that time Satan ran away to the human world and Levi, Asmo (arguably the two brothers closest to him) and MC came to bring him back. How he started getting angry at one of their questions, so they opted for running away instead of even attempting to comfort him in any way
how his first response after Lucifer told him to leave HoL was to actually pack his things; how he was fully intent on leaving, and how when MC comes to check on him, he instantly tells them that his brothers would never stop him from leaving, that they think it's funny
the way he seemed genuienly surprised when MC accepted after he asked them out to the dance, and then admitting he actually thought that they wouldn't want to go with him
MC being his main source for comfort, and Satan even calling them his sanctuary. How before MC it was books and cats; his room being filled to the brim with books, to the point it's become a safety hazard, and him always carrying cat treats with him
currently thinking about how Satan's first instict whenever he gets angry is to isolate himself, if possible even lock himself up in his room for days on end and how his brothers don't seem to pay it much attention (Levi once said that they already had a shut-in, they don't need another one). And how he doesn't even necessarily need to give into his wrath, how simply getting worked up over something someone else said is enough for him to isolate himself
also thinking about the whole idea of 'you become the person that would have saved you when you were younger' and how Satan in the og game is literally so full of love and very kind, patient and compassionate when given the chance to fully be himself
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