#boyfriend per minute ratio

[sollucets]

came across some taevin&joowan photoshoot pictures and then realized that the gifs are . stolen. so out of spite im considering making my own, i found the original video

[weddingblog]

10 TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WEDDING A SUCCESS

The most important thing when planning your wedding is that you surround yourself with people who know how to advise you well and who know your tastes. In the event that you hire a wedding planner, let her advise you, as she probably knows the bridal sector better. However, and even if you try to have everything under control, there will always be things that can escape you. From Our Banquet Halls in Andheri we give you 10 tips and advice so that this does not happen.

1. The guests; the first

One of the first tasks is to estimate roughly how many people you want to attend the wedding. In this way, before hiring the banquet you can make sure that there is enough space for everyone. The correct ratio is 2.5 -3 m2 per guest.

2. The choice of date

Try to choose a date that does not coincide with any holidays, major fairs or conventions that could seriously affect the availability of the banquet venue or the hotels in which guests may stay.

3. Beware of mother nature

Pay special attention to the weather in case it can cause discomfort in the place you choose. For example, you have to prevent the guests from being too hot if you decide to have the banquet outdoors in summer.

If, on the other hand, the wedding is in winter, make sure there is good air conditioning and that the guests do not have to be cold.

Do you want a beach wedding? So, take into account weather conditions and inclement weather, salt spray, sand and wind.

4. Plan your wedding in order

You will have a lot of ideas, in addition to those that they tell you, that you see or that they sell to you, but above all, organize your wedding with order. You can create a web page, where in addition to creating wedding lists, all your guests can help you with the process. However, remember that if you hire a wedding planner, you will save yourself this process.

5. Do not delay the date too much

Most couples choose their wedding date a year in advance, but setting a last minute date can save you a lot of money. The closer the day is set, the more negotiating capacity you have with your suppliers.

6. Be prepared for rejection

Quiet! We are not talking about the boyfriend; We talk about the guests. Approximately 25% of your guests will not attend, either because they live far away, or for financial or personal reasons. Make sure that no later than one month before the wedding all the confirmations are available. Confirmations are very important to know the exact number of guests and to be able to accommodate those who live far away.

7. Raise the budget more than necessary

Do the accounts well so that the wedding budget is balanced. You can make a list and prioritize the aspects that you consider most important in your wedding: the dress, details for guests, banquet menu, music, flowers, photographer... then, classify them from 1 to 3, with 1 being the most important and 3 being the worst. less.

As advice: Do not add too many details that are expensive and that do not play an important role such as the dress or the banquet menu. Remember that the aesthetic is important, but the content and quality is more important.

8. The purchase of the dress

Choose the people who know you best. It is good that they give you their opinion and advise you, but they should also not make you doubt about the things that are important to you. You yourself are the one who knows you best, both your tastes and your body. Only you know what will make you feel comfortable

9. The countdown: 7 days before the wedding

The week before the wedding, the bride and groom must rest. You have to get to the big day fresh and without dark circles! During this week you can have teeth whitening, facials, massages, spa...

10. It came on a great day

Make sure guests are well informed about the ceremony location, times, and transportation. Important: Do not take calls that day, let yourself be pampered, it is your day. Of course, entrust this work to someone you trust, who keeps a list of all the suppliers involved in case problems arise and you have to contact them.

[damiano-mylove]

Condescending Bitch

Pairing: Thomas Raggi x reader

Wc: 2.5k

Cw(s): swearing, kissing, crying, probably typos (as per usual, tell me if it sucks)

Summary: Reader breaks up with their boyfriend and Thomas consoles them.

Masterlist

If honesty be a virtue, you'd be virtuous to plainly say you'd fallen out of love with your boyfriend and you had done so a while ago. It wasn't deliberate, it was a gradual fizz wherein you found your heart warming for someone else. You felt horrible about it and that guilt had been eating at you. There was no cheating, but you didn't think you'd be able to avoid it for much longer. Not to mention, it wasn't only the non-existent feelings, Luca was just an asshole when you weren't blinded by love.

There comes a time where one must throw in the towel, and now was that time for you.

You couldn't do it at a restaurant; knowing Luca, he'd cause a scene. You couldn't do it at some meeting place; it would ruin that place forever and ever to both of you. And that shit's just not fair.

In the end, you couldn't make the decision. So you put every single item of Luca's clothing in a bag (and a couple things he'd left around your flat), and drove over to his house while you still had the nerve. You'd gathered and lost the nerve a couple times before, but the plan was already in motion now. Hell, there was no plan, but whatever you were raring to do was up and running.

You drove straight to Luca's mother's house in record time. Time flies when you're laser focused.

"Y/n!" Luca's mother exclaimed joyfully as you entered the kind looking house. How someone like Luca came out of Mrs. Batali was a wonder in and of itself. Once Mrs. Batali spotted the bag in your hand, she frowned. "Has something happened, Bambino?"

Somehow, the hardest part of this breakup would be bidding goodbye to Luca's mother, and not Luca himself. You sighed, "I'm sorry, Signora. Luca and I have been having issues for a while now."

"Oh, don't be sorry, Bambino." The older lady's kind smile returned to her face, which struck a heart string you hadn't even known existed. Mrs. Batali swayed toward you, in all of her vanilla scented goodness. She hugged you around your neck loosely, which you returned around her wide hips. "You're always welcome for dinner and a roof. Don't let the stupid boy stop you from seeing me."

God gave two gifts to this world; one of them was Mrs. Batali.

A smile cracked across your face as your chest continued to tighten and hurt. You loved this family like your own, and you loved Luca at some point. So many memories were made in the throws of this relationship, and it was all going to be thrown out the window by you. But it was too late now.

"Ti amo." Mrs. Batali placed a kiss to your forehead which made your smile even more genuine. She patted your shoulder, finally releasing you from her motherly grasp. Sadly, she raised her arm to the stairs to Luca's bedroom. "I'll be down here, if you need me."

You smiled once more to the older lady and bowed your head in silent thanks. If you uttered a word, the word would lead to tears. It seemed the two of you knew this.

It was the last thing you wanted to do right now, but you had to seal the deal.

Without your consent, your feet began moving toward the stairs then up the stairs. Your heart beat in sickening rhythm with your footsteps, but your heart seemed more heavy than your feet. It was ridiculous. You were ready to throw up, pee, or meltdown - you didn't know which one, if it was one at all.

At long last, after walking down the longest hallway of your life, you stood in front of Luca's closed door. You remembered all the times you'd breeze in, going straight into Luca's arms for a kiss. His breath wasn't always good and he was a bad kisser, but he made you feel infatuation. Now it only seemed a fraction of what you felt for the other person. Yes, God, that was why you had to do this.

You knocked. Your heart was deafening.

"Come in!"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

You pushed open the door, feeling like you were having a heart attack. Luca smiled brightly at you from the light of his computer. Then he laid eyes on the bag. Don't know how, it was dark as fuck in the room. And smelt of cheap body spray and dirty clothes.

"Hey, Babe, I wasn't expecting you," Luca smiled, trying to act off the bag of his clothes and gifts in your hand. You flicked on the light as he stood up to close the door behind you.

This room is fucking disgusting. It was truly noxious.

"Alright, Luca, sit down, we've got to talk," you told him, putting on your bravest and thickest voice. It worked because the air in the room changed. The air grew thick and impossible to breath. It could've been cut with a knife. Luca sat on his bed, hands in his lap. You placed the bag on the ground and sighed, "We're breaking up."

For a second, he was unresponsive. Luca didn't say a word until he looked you in the eye, what felt like a full minute later. His bottom lip quivered. "You're dumping me?"

"You can tell people you dumped me, I don't mind," you quipped, trying to make the situation better. You did not, in fact, make the situation better. You potentially made it about thirteen times worse.

"No, you're not." Luca stood up again. Your breath caught in your throat. "We're not breaking up."

He took a few quick steps to you. You stood your ground, trying to be as brave as possible. Your mask was slipping. The last thing you wanted right now was for Luca to see that you were cracking under his gaze. That would be fucking horrendous.

All of a sudden, Luca barked out a laugh. He looked like a madman. "This is about that Thomas bitch, isn't it?" You didn't answer, and your facial expressions gave nothing away. Then Luca snapped, "Isn't it?!"

"If you want to fucking shout, we can shout," you seethed. Luca blinked angrily at you. "We're adults - act like it."

"You're a condescending bitch."

"And you're an ugly prick, but I've never complained about that. You've called me a condescending bitch about 3 times and a flat-out bitch more than a dozen," you recalled quickly, with venom dripping off each syllable. It shut Luca up. However, he began to cry. You felt nothing but hatred now. "You're one pathetic bitch to be crying over the girl who you treat like a fucking doormat." Luca only cried harder. No sympathy. You spun on your heel and opened the door.

Without a glance back, you left.

Mrs. Batali smiled at you on your way out and gave you a freshly baked bun, which you thanked her profusely for.

It didn't take long for reality to set in, however. The adrenaline faded as you drove back to your flat complex. You began crying at the wheel and completely broke down in the car park. Tears streamed down your face like rivers, snot clogged your nose. Your mouth tasted horrible so you started to eat the bun Mrs. Batali had baked. It was so good that you started crying harder.

How the fuck could you do that? At this point, you were too sad to give a fuck about sobbing in a car park at 6 in the evening. You just threw in the towel of a year long relationship, in the blink of an eye. Like it was nothing and meant nothing to you whatsoever, which wasn't true at all. You felt like a horrible person.

Your chest clogged up with emotions and stale air, your throat grew a lump that you couldn't swallow down. Now you were the pathetic one. Crying in a shitbox car over your ex while eating fucking bread.

A tap on the window scared the Jesus out of you.

When you looked at the source, the other person was looking right back at you, looking worried and confused. Leave it to Thomas to look sad just because you were sad. Thomas looked so fucking good even though a blur of teary eyelashes. He made the hand crank motion, so you rolled down your window.

"Are you okay?" Thomas asked. You just started laughing. What a stupid fucking question. Thomas began chuckling, realizing how stupid it was himself. "Fair enough. Fancy a cup of tea and a chat or shall I leave you to your car bread?"

How the fuck could he make you laugh in times like these?

You smiled then shooed him away from your car door so you could open it. He obliged and moved back, for you to get out, still with bread and keys in hand. Thomas furrowed his eyebrows as you two began walking back to the flat complex you both lived in. "Aren't you going to roll up the window?"

"How the fuck is anyone meant to steal it when all the windows are up?" It was your turn to earn a laugh from Thomas. Thomas' laugh hit your ear like honey. The sort of honey that your mother gave you to cure your sore throat before nursery. It was soothing and just the right thing for the situation.

As you walked up the stairs with Thomas, you realized he was taking you to his flat. To be fair, he was the one who offered you tea. What's he going to do? Offer you your own tea?

Thomas unlocked the ugly blue door of his flat that everyone in the building had a copy of. The second you both walked into the flat, warmth enveloped you, along with sandalwood and spices from Thomas' extensive spice cabinet. He must have been cooking earlier because it smelt Heavenly. Everything was in perfect place with just the right amount of mess and disorganization to make it seem like a home.

"I'll put the kettle on, sit anywhere," Thomas instructed after you both took your shoes off. You were wearing ratty trainers while Thomas was wearing perfectly clean Vans.

You nodded and flung yourself on one of his couches with a sigh. The couch was soft, warm and welcoming and you felt tired from crying and yelling and just the day in general. It was a shit day, that started with your toast burning and ended with this shit. A nap would really do good.

However, Thomas had other plans entirely. He placed a purple mug, full of tea with what looked like your golden ratio of milk and sugar. Thomas was your best friend, of course he knew your golden ration. You knew his. With a smile, you sat up which allowed Thomas to sit beside you and drape his arm over the back of the couch.

"Feel like telling me why you were crying in your car?" Thomas asked. You laughed lightly and sipped the piping hot tea.

"Broke up with Luca about-" you checked a clock. "-30 minutes ago."

As horrible as it sounds, Thomas' face lit up. His facial features remained the same but his beautiful green eyes lit up like candles in a dark room. "Is that so?"

"He called me a condescending bitch."

"So he hasn't gotten a new script," Thomas smiled. You chuckled lightly and sniffed. Your nose was still clogged from all the crying. You just didn't feel like blowing your nose like an elephant in front of Thomas right now. "He'll never get the chance to get a new script for you now."

"Thank God above," you sighed out with a laugh to your words. Thomas smiled. "I'll miss his mum though. Wonderful lady."

Thomas sipped his own tea and you discretely moved closer to him. It wasn't as discrete as you'd thought because Thomas picked up and moved a bit closer to you with a stupid smile on his face. "So how'd it go down?"

Like friends do, you told him everything, down to the detail. All but Luca being right, with Thomas being the other man who'd stolen your heart. That wouldn't be a key detail here because the last thing you needed today was to dump your boyfriend then directly after scare your best friend away from you forever.

But he wasn't scared off by you telling him Luca though you were leaving him for Thomas. Thomas actually smirked at that part, like the thought amused him. You didn't think anything of it actually, except for how cute Thomas was when he was smirking.

Eventually, the conversation faded and you were hip to hip with Thomas. With a sigh, he rested your head in the crook of Thomas' neck. His feather soft hair tickled the side of your face but you wanted nothing else for the moment. The scent of Thomas' cologne was prominent when you were this close to him, but you weren't going to complain about that. His arm fell from the back of the couch to around your shoulders.

Feeling Thomas' head turn to you, you looked up at him. Thomas' hand lightly squeezed you arm. Your breath hitched in your throat as you thought you were imagining Thomas observing your face.

Those gorgeous green eyes that you could stare into all day were scanning your face gently. They landed on your lush lips, then back to your eyes. All it took was a small nod for Thomas to lean in.

It was slow. It was slow, but undeniably sweet. The passion was palpable the minute your lips met his, just as you had been dreaming of for months now. His pillow-like lips were perfectly moisturized, but not over-saturated. The lip balm he used was strawberry flavoured and you'd never admired strawberry flavoured lip balm as you were in this moment.

As suddenly as it began, it ended.

Thomas leaned back for a second, looking guilty. "You need time to get over Luca, this is wrong."

"I've been over Luca for months." You placed a kiss to his lips, which Thomas accepted for a second, then backed out of again. You groaned. "Thomas, Luca was right. I'm in love with you."

In a stunned silence, Thomas' cheeks turned bright red. A broad smile grew on his face and you felt confident in your confession. You meant it, surely, but now you were confident that you did the right thing in telling Thomas.

"I've been in love with you since we went to the Capitoline." Thomas' voice cracked as he made his confession. Your heart bustled with warmth. He'd been pining for you all this time just to watch you run with Luca.

You couldn't take your aching heart. Grabbing Thomas' face gently, you pressed your lips to his again. He gladly returned this kiss with fervour and renewed zeal. Nothing else mattered while your lips were joined with Thomas' lips. Nothing would ever be able to induce the utter happiness and peace you'd felt in this moment.

After the kiss lasting for a while, Thomas pulled you to sit on his lap. He cupped your sweet face gently and smiled into your brilliant eyes. He kissed your nose. "May I tell you something else, Y/n?"

"Anything."

"I don't think you're a condescending bitch."

[starryeyes2000]

That Night and Morning on Discovery: Chapter 1

Chapter 2 | Masterlist

Pairing: Christopher Pike x OC

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 1.9K

Summary: A week after the events on New Eden, Discovery's crew is granted much needed leave. Chris' wife joins him on Discovery for a little R&R of their own. But a Captain is never really off-duty and personal time is scarce.

Welcome to Discovery

There is an infinitesimal interval at the end of the transport cycle, when rematerialization is at least one Plank time unit from completion, where the mind engages before the body can move. Scientists dismiss this as imaginary, a psychological reaction in those who dislike having their molecules disassembled, beamed across space and reassembled.

But it is real, and its length can vary depending on technological and environmental factors. Most don’t notice it. Or choose to ignore it. Some find the experience claustrophobic. A few have even rematerialized in the middle of a panic attack.

Others recall distant memories or rematerialize humming a long-forgotten song.

There have been rare and unsubstantiated reports of witnessing an event that was never experienced or seeing an older version of oneself as if the linear overlay slipped away allowing time to be perceived non-sequentially, or as if an alternate universe touched your own.

This evening, as the transport cycle finished, Aalin observed a smiling woman, with curly and vivid red hair escaping its neatly pinned bun, accept command of a Starfleet ship as Chris, who looked to be a decade older, fondly watched. Once her body was responsive, she shook her head slightly to clear it. That was odd, she thought, was I reliving it or living it?

Before she could consider further, Chris was standing at the bottom of the transporter platform smiling. That special smile he reserved for her. The smile that was even more enchanting than the dimpled one which caused many to swoon.

“Welcome to Discovery,” he said as he reached to take the overnight bag off her shoulder and held out his hand to assist her down the transporter platform steps. She thought, if doors still needed to be opened manually, he would open them for ladies, children, the frail, … well, being Chris, everyone.

Returning his smile with the one she gave solely to him, she took his hand and replied, “Thanks.”

Aalin noticed the room was empty, except for them. With an expression of mock concern she asked, emphasizing the first word, “Youoperated the transporter? Really? How long has it been since you last beamed someone anywhere?” She patted around her arms, chest, and waist, “Is everything back in the right place?”

Chris rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly before replying dryly, “I do remember how.”

Falling into their familiar teasing banter melted away a little of the stress and worry from the past three weeks. Chris placed his hand on the small of her back, guiding her out of the room and into the hallway. Once in the public corridor he withdrew his hand and they silently walked side by side.

After a few minutes, near the turbolift, Aalin asked, used to Enterprise where the hallways were crowded and bustling every hour of the day and having not yet encountered any crew from Discovery. “Did you clear the deck?”

“Except for skeleton crews in essential areas, everyone is taking a 24 hour leave on the Starbase. And there is a higher ratio of square feet per crewman here, so Discovery feels less crowded.” Chris answered as the lift doors opened.

“I see.” She smiled playfully and her eyes sparkled. “This is fun, it’s like sneaking into my boyfriend’s dorm room. Or his parent’s house.”

As the turbolift doors closed, without thought, in familiar a habit, their hands reached out and clasped; releasing in an equally familiar habit once the doors started to reopen. A crewman entered and spoke to Chris in a series of squeaks and trills.

Chris inclined his head in an acknowledgement. “Linus.”

The crewman repeated his squeaks and trills with a few hisses mixed in, looking, well the closest human interpretation would be frustrated. His shoulders slouched.

Aalin spoke to Linus in his native language. Turning to Chris she said, “His universal translator implant is malfunctioning, and he is going to Sickbay to have it replaced. He can understand you but cannot respond in Federation standard.” She omitted translating the hisses which were a series of quite vivid expletives.

Chris made a mental note to check on Linus later. So much for under the radar, he thought before saying, “This is my wife, Aalin.” One hard and fast rule overrode their craving for privacy – anyone serving under Chris, in fact any member of Starfleet with a rank lower than captain, deserved the courtesy of understanding Aalin’s personal role in Chris’ life. It shielded the crew from conversations they later might regret and the resulting awkward apologies.

He listened quietly as Aalin and Linus conversed in the Saurian’s native language, enjoying the opportunity to watch his wife work. A couple of times Aalin chuckled and Linus’s squeaks and trills changed to a higher pitch, his way of laughing or expressing awe. After one lengthy high-pitched sequence she blushed heavily and glanced at Chris before responding with a brief affirmative nod to Linus.

Once Linus exited the lift, their hands reached for one another again. Chris resisted the temptation to ask her what she and his Discovery crewman were talking about.

“I had an odd moment right before my beam-in completed.” When his hand tensed in hers, she quickly added, “I’m fine, I saw someone I don’t remember meeting …”

The lift stopped and Chris exited. Following him but unable to keep up with his longer strides, she continued, “and you were …”

He asked as the door to his quarters opened and closed, “I was?”

Putting her arms around his neck and reaching up for a kiss she responded, “It’s not important right now.” Then noticed the quick grimace he unsuccessfully tried to mask when she slid her hands down his chest and touched his right side.

He gave her a sheepish look, “Yeah, I need to tell you about that.”

She stepped back. “Go on.”

With his best unsure but game face Chris started, “I’m fine now, I hardly notice it.”

Being fluent in Chris-speak Aalin translated that in her head to I’m in pain but no longer need meds.

“I was injured.”

I barely survived.

“In a minor, well, what’s one step up from minor, accident.”

Something exploded, I was shot, or a vessel crashed.

“I was back on duty the next day.”

The Discovery medical staff is more easily cowed than Enterprise’s CMO.

“It was nothing to worry about.”

You would have worried.

“What happened?” Aalin asked quietly.

“A phaser was overloading; a young girl was holding it. There were additional civilians as well as Spock’s sister and another Discovery officer in the room. I … removed it before it exploded.”

I used my body to shield others from a bomb blast.

“I see,” she responded in a softer tone. Unfastening his uniform collar, she unzipped the jacket and gently removed it. Then exhaled deeply after lifting the undershirt and seeing the partially healed burned skin and the dark purple bruises. She traced the injured area without touching it. “Oh Chris. Why didn’t they call me?”

He took her hand in his and pulled the shirt down. “I told them not to. You were where you needed to be. With Spock.”

“Are you going to scold me too?” Chris asked breaking the momentary silence.

“You’ve already heard from Una and Phil?”

“And Tracy Pollard and Saru.”

Aalin reached up to caress his cheek. “No. It would be like admonishing the sun for rising in the morning.”

The intercom called out, “Captain to the bridge.”

Chris straightened his uniform. “Sorry, the conn officer on the bridge is junior, I should check-in.”

“I understand.”

ooooo

It had been a turbulent three weeks. Staring with Spock, in a dissociative state, calling Chris for help in the middle of the night and Spock’s subsequent admission to the psychiatric ward on Starbase 5. A week after Aalin left Enterprise to care for the young Vulcan science officer, the seven signals appeared, Enterprise suffered catastrophic failures and Chris transferred to Discovery. Enterprise was limping back to the closest spacedock under Una’s command, expected in port today.

Oh, and Chris almost died – twice. Aalin cringed at her thought.

Tomorrow she would return to Starbase 5, but tonight they hoped to be just Chris and Aalin.

Chris returned an hour later. “All OK?” she asked from the sofa.

“Yes, false alarm.” After noticing the robe she had changed into and her damp hair, he looked disappointed. Laughing she answered the unspoken question, “I could be persuaded into another shower.”

“I’ll indulge in that later,” he murmured as he laid her on her back, untied the robe, and pushed its sides back and out of the way. Leaning down, Chris caressed her waist and trailed soft kisses over her shoulder. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head to the side, granting him better access.

The intercom chimed. He rested his forehead on hers in a moment of frustration before rising to answer the call. Unsure of the viewscreen camera’s range, she tugged the robe back into place and refastened it.

“Sickbay sir. You wanted an update on Linus. The implant was replaced and he has been released to quarters.”

“Thank you.”

He turned back to her and shrugged out of his uniform jacket. “Where were we?”

“Are you sure you’re up for this? I don’t want to break the Captain; it might traumatize your new crew.”

His look didn’t need translated, plainly stating; ‘it’s been three weeks, if I were bleeding from multiple wounds, I’d be up for this.’

“You locked the door?” Aalin asked, rising to meet him. He nodded. Standing on the tips of her toes and reaching up, she nuzzled the side of his neck with her nose and mouth and nibbled his earlobe. “I’ve missed you,” she said while she cupped his face and brushed his lips with hers.

Placing one hand on her waist and the other on her back to keep her steady, Chris returned the kiss, starting soft and affectionate; quickly it intensified, conveying passion and need. By the end she was breathless and dropped her head onto his shoulder, sagging against his chest. “You really should teach a class …” she murmured still leaning against him as the fingers of one of her hands traced up and down his chest and then began outlining small circles there.

He stroked the spot where her neck and shoulder meet and whispered in her ear, “I missed you as well.”

The intercom chimed again. “Captain, you have a hail from Commander Nhan. Do you want to accept it?”

Chris mumbled a pithy reply under his breath as he walked to the desk. “Yes, send it here.”

The viewscreen changed from Discovery’s junior comms officer to a scowling Nhan. She started speaking without waiting for an acknowledgement. “I need your help Captain.”

“When did Enterprise dock?”

“A couple of hours ago. But this isn’t about Enterprise. A friend in the local Starbase security office called me. I tried to sort it out, but your intervention with the security chief and the base commander is required.” Nhan replied in an annoyed tone of voice.

“What happened?”

“I know this sounds inconceivable, but Ensign Tilly has been detained. For starting a bar fight. Will you come?”

Chris sighed, “Yes, on my way.”

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//got cake? bokuto koutarou//

Warnings: Some swearing. Mainly just Bokuto being bootylicious

Word Count: 1.5k

Notes: Because we all need a good crack fic every now and then. (Baker!Bokuto x reader)

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” You whine, digging through your dresser drawers.  Where are they? I know I put them away last night.  Did I- Your train of thought takes you to your closet, flipping through your clothes in case you might’ve hung them up instead of folding them and putting them in your dresser.  You groan slumping down on the edge of the bed.  All you wanted was a pair of leggings and all of your other pairs were in laundry.  

Then it hit you.  Bokuto had gone into the bakery today.  He did not- You immediately dial the number to your boyfriend’s bakery and wait and wait while the phone rings.

“Thank you for calling Got Cake where we’ve got enough cake to share.  This is Akaashi.” Akaashi sighs as he repeats the customary greeting.  

“Akaashi, it’s Y/N.”

Bokuto’s business partner immediately brightens a little at the sound of your familiar voice.  “Please come get him.  He’s made me taste the same frosting 20 different times.  I think all the vanilla extract is starting to deplete his brain cells.  Well, what few he has left . . .”

“Great.  So, he is there?  Do you know what pants he has on?”

“What?”

“Pants, Akaashi.  What pants is Bokuto wearing?”

“Uh . . . I don’t know.  He’s got those tear-away pants on,” Akaashi’s confusion evident through the phone.

“No.  Like, under those.  What is he wearing?”

“Why does it matter?”

“I’m pretty sure he stole my leggings.”

Akaashi pauses, trying to figure out he’s supposed to handle this situation.  College didn’t train him for this . . . “Hang on, I’ll let you talk to him.”  

The line goes quiet and then suddenly you’re pulling the phone away from your ear at the abrupt change in volume as your boyfriend’s booming voice fills your ear.  “Hey, hey, hey!  What’s going on, babe?”

“Bokuto, are you wearing my leggings?”

“Aw, come on, babe.  No ‘hello?’”  You don’t even have to see his face to know that there’s a very high chance that he’s pouting right now. As quickly as his sadness hit, it was washed away as he started talking a million miles per hour again. “Oh, wait!  I’m actually really glad you called! Remember how you wanted me to try to make mint chocolate cupcakes?”

“Yeah, and I told you that they needed more mint.”

“Yeah! Well, I’ve been messing with the recipe all day and I think I finally got it!  I can bring one home later, if you want.”

“No, I can come down there.  I want my leggings, Bo.”

“How do you know that I am wearing them?  I’m not saying that I am, but like, how would you know?”

“Girlfriend’s intuition. I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay.  See you soon, babe.”  The phone clicks as he hangs up.  

You shake your head in disbelief.  He really stole your pants.  Since leggings are off the table, you opt for a pair of Bokuto’s sweatpants.  You’d heard of couples sharing shirts before, but taking your significant other’s leggings?  This- this was new to you.  You grabbed a pair of his shorts and shoved them in your bag.  You were getting your pants back whether he liked it or not.  

-------------------------------------

The bell above the door jingled as you marched into the brightly painted bakery.  A few people looked up from their laptops at the sudden interruption to the relatively quiet atmosphere.  Upon seeing you, Akaashi poked his head into the kitchen.  “Y/N’s here.”

In a matter of seconds, Bokuto was barreling out of the kitchen with a spoon in his hand.  “Taste this!”  You don’t even have the opportunity to say no before he’s pushing the spoon in your mouth.  “I took some of the chocolate out of the frosting, so now the mint should come through a little better.”

Your eyes widen a little.  It was just how you had imagined.  The perfect ratio of mint to chocolate reminding you of the famous Girl Scout cookie.  “Wow.  That’s really good,” you smile, licking the spoon clean.

Bokuto grins, proud that he made yet another Y/N-approved recipe.  You were his number one taste-tester after all.  If it sucked, you’d let him know how he could try to fix it.  “I think there’s a little too much of the raspberries.  It’s making the cake soggy.”  “Why is it so sour? I get that it’s lemon-blueberry, but it’s like I just took a bite out of a whole lemon.  Maybe ease up on the lemon juice.”  You were a big part of why his business had done so well in the first place.  You were the fresh taste buds that he needed, because after tasting the same bowl of frosting for the thirtieth time, it all started to taste alike.  “I ordered some mint-chocolate cookies to go on top.  I couldn’t get any Thin Mints, because you know, not America, but that’s beside the point!  They’re going to be so good when I get the recipe finalized!  Hey, do you want to try the strawberry cream one?  I changed the recipe a little since you last had it.  Akaashi says he likes the old ones better, but I don’t know,” he says, heading back to the kitchen.

“Bokuto,” you sing, getting him to turn around.  “My leggings?”

“I don’t just show my pants to anyone, Y/N.”  Bokuto shook his head as if you should’ve known better than to ask him such a ridiculous question.  Show you his pants?  What did you take him for?  A whore?  

“Seriously?  I’m your girlfriend!  I am not- No!” You stammer, knowing exactly what he was getting at.

“Then you’ll just have to wait until I get home.”  He shrugs, walking away from you.

You groan, walking up to the cash register, digging through your bag in an effort to scrounge up some change.  Bokuto’s menu consisted of a fairly simple collection: cakes, cookies, cupcakes, and some days, if he messed up decorating a cake, cake pops.  The bakery’s menu didn’t seem all that odd compared to most bakeries.  Except for one item.  It had no description and every employee was sworn to secrecy of what it consisted of.  But, not knowing if he was wearing your leggings was eating away at you.  You counted out your coins and pushed them across the counter towards Akaashi.

“I’m so sorry,” he mutters, hating this part just as much as you.

“Can I get a Bokuto special?” You ask sadly.

Akaashi nods solemnly, putting the money in the cash register.  He takes a deep breath before cupping a hand around his mouth to shout, “Hey, Bokuto! Got any cake back there?”

“Oh, hell yeah, I do!” Bokuto shouts, running out from the kitchen, pulling his apron over his head and jumping up on the counter.  “Hit it!”

Bokuto’s poor friend sighs as he hits the play button on the stereo, “Fergalicious” playing throughout the bakery.  The tear-away pants are ripped away and thrown to the ground.  “I knew it!” You shout, as your boyfriend reveals the pants he really had on: your leggings.

He says nothing, giving you a cheeky smile and a wink as he performs his choreographed Bokuto special: a three minute dance break of Bokuto Kotarou shaking his ass for the whole bakery to see for the low low price of 100 yen.  Dropping it like it’s hot, twerking, and just general sexy dancing, using his ass-ets to his advantage.  He claims that the Bokuto special was the single best thing that he’s ever thought of to put on the menu.  It let him get at least one quick cardio session in a day, seeing as it was a fairly popular item because of its mystery and it’s price, but more than anything it was fun.  Sure, Akaashi was embarrassed to even be associated with the business when the idea had been proposed, but from a marketing stance?  It was genius and even he couldn’t deny it.  It was a good time for everyone involved.  The customers loved it just as much as the resident baker.  People would bring their friends and spend the little cash just to show them what made this bakery so much better than the others.

Bokuto jumped off the counter to give you one final butt wiggle as the music came to an end.  “You have to admit. My ass? Looks amazing in these!” He pants, a playful smirk on his face.

You just shake your head and sigh.  “Yeah.  It does,” you admit.  You shoulder your bag, preparing to leave as the mystery comes to a close.

“Wait.  I thought you wanted these back?”

“Keep them.  You’ve already tainted them with your ass sweat.”

He laughs, wrapping his arms around your waist.  “You can just say that you like how good I look in them, babe.  No one’s judging.”

“You definitely got cake, Bo.”

[theexecutionerssong]

SKAM FRANCE BTS MASTERPOST

This is a master post of BTS anecdotes told in interviews, at cons, screenings and on social media. Don’t click the read more if you don’t want to lose some of the magic. I know sometimes knowing too much of how a show was shot can ruin it. Also, it’s very obvious that there was more promo starting around season 3 than for the first two seasons, don’t hold it against me. Feel free to message me if you think of something else as I must have forgotten a ton of things.

CASTING, REHEARSALS, BTS IN GENERAL

Skam France had the rights for the 4 seasons first but had to follow the original script almost to a T for the first 2 and if the audience was big enough then they would be allowed to distance themselves from OG

Skam France casted actors that were as close personality wise to their characters as possible, which made it easier for the cast to identify with their characters and made the friendships developping between the characters more believable since it was also developping off screen

They were not allowed to cast underaged actors who would have been closer to the real age of the characters due to the long hours of the shooting conditions

Most of the actors come from theatre and many had no or little previous experience with shooting for a camera before

The cast isn’t allowed to watch the clips before they air.

Most of the clothes they wear in the show are their own.

During rehearsals of the first seasons, Philippine went to the board with everyone’s names on it and wrote something funny next to Zoe’s name and wanted to send it to her but she messed up and published it on her ig stories, leaking the entire cast when it was still supposed to be a secret.

Lula’s first reaction when she got the script and “met” Daphné was “oh no I’m scared. I just want to slap her, she’s insufferable”

Assa almost didn’t audition for two reasons: the casting call didn’t specify they were looking for a woman of color and French casting calls almost always say whether they are specifically looking for a black woman. If it says nothing then they are usually looking for a white person. She thought she had no chance because of that. Second reason, after accepting the casting call, she did some research and found out OG Sana was from the Maghreb and she’s not. But her agent convinced her to go through with it, the only thing the skam france team wouldn’t negotiate was that they wanted a Muslim actress. There was no way they would have casted a non muslim actress/actor for Imane and Sofiane.

Skam France was the first TV show on French TV to have a black muslim  woman wearing a hijab as a main character

Paul, Robin and Axel knew each other before shooting, they’d met in Avignon.

Coline was still in her last year of high school when she shot the first two seasons.

Niels is the one who came up with a raccoon as Eliott’s spirit animal

They shoot about 15 minutes of usable content per day which is impressive (it’s usually 2-3 for movies released in theatres, 5-7 for TV programs)

When France TV told David the first two seasons were a success and they were renewing the show, he gave them a list of things he wanted to change so that he’d agree to come back to direct the next seasons, including a different camera, renewing the writers team (they included Niels), storylines, the ig content, etc. The new camera they got was a SONY Venice which allows them to play a lot with the focus/blur ratio and the cold and warm undertones, which made a major shift in the visual quality of seasons 3 and 4 compared to the previous 2.

David named Eliott after his son.

Having the teaser from Eliott’s POV was David’s idea. It’s the first remake to have a clip from the French Even’s POV

The bus stop from season 3 is fake, it doesn’t exist. It wasn’t even shot in Paris itself but in Saint Ouen.

Maxence didn’t watch OG - besides the towels in the bathroom clip - because he wanted to create his own Eliott without being too influenced, and he didn’t watch s1 and 2 of skam france either because he wanted Eliott to discover the characters without knowing their backgrounds.

Maxence wasn’t supposed to audition. He wanted to be done with his acting school before shooting anything but the head of the casting team came to watch a public class at his school and asked him to audition for Eliott at the end. David and Niels knew right away he was the one. Niels watched the audition tapes and was very impressed with another actor but within the first 3 seconds of watching Maxence, he knew it wouldn’t be anyone else. Maxence met Axel after the 3rd call back and they clicked right away. He’d broken his foot two days earlier so he was in crutches. They watched Even’s manic episode and had to improvise a similar scene but had to do with the crutches. They also went for a drink before shooting and they talked for hours, their connection was instantaneous. 

When he learned Maxence was cast, Axel went on his instagram and saw the model pictures and thought he was way too hot with the abs and everything and he himself would look like a potato during the nude scenes next to him. So he got a coach and for 3 months he trained and got on a very strict diet. He was disappointed that there were no shots where you could actually see his abs properly in Skam. He had also said months before that he had gotten a coach because before they started shooting seasons 3 and 4, he had met up with Marilyn to get advice on how to carry a season and she had told him to get a coach otherwise he wouldn’t be able to keep up with the pace. So what is the truth?

It leaked that Maxence was casted in July 2018 because someone on a Korean website recognized his shoes in an IG story from when he’d been spotted at the airport months earlier but it was kept mostly under wraps. Then his and Lais’s names leaked too a couple of months later but most people hadn’t seen his face before the trailer.

David asked Axel and Maxence to give up their phones and social media during the couple of months they were shooting to be really focused and not get distracted by the outside world and they mostly did. Axel bought an mp3 to still have music, he wrote “LUCAS ♥” on it with a white out pen. He created a playlist for Lucas, including songs like Run Boy Run and I love you by Woodkid, and To Build a Home by the Cinematic Orchestra.

Maxence’s process to get ready for a shot: he does yoga and dances a lot in the morning. he puts music on and paces a room while picturing himself standing on the edge of a cliff and if at some point he feels like falling and loses his balance, it means he’s got it. He asks that all the scripts he gets be printed on the right side of the page and on the left he takes notes about what the character is feeling through 7 different states: love, hate, fear, power, vulnerability, sex and i hate myself for not remembering the last one. To play a scene properly, you have to conjure up 4 states to create one emotion. He loves that David respects his method and is able to adapt to every member of the cast’s method. He also uses his body as a tool, for example if his character has to feel lonely or unsure, he will curl up into a ball for an hour without moving and then he’ll be in the right mindset because his body is telling him he’s isolated. That’s the method he used for Eliott, he created “lost scenes” that weren’t in the script, moments in between scenes with Lucas, to get more into Eliott’s mindset.

Maxence wrote a letter to Eliott, drew a picture of him, and spent hours adding notes to the script about his personality before even trying to get into his mind. 

There was a contest for the drawings in season 3. Maxence participated but didn’t get picked. Jeanne Lelièvre did!

All the social media content for seasons 3 and 4 were shot on the same day in December 2018 which is why you can see heavy winter clothing even when the content was published in May. For season 3, most ideas were Axel’s, and Maxence said no to 90%. 

While shooting for seasons 3 and 4, Axel was also on stage every night for theatre

To prepare for his role in s3, Axel watched CMBYN, Moonlight, and The Office 

They received more feedbacks from international fans than French ones at first. It was even a private joke between Niels and David, there were no comments in French on Youtube. Then the piano clip happened and David’s phone went crazy with notifications. He was in the editing room with Jérémy and the buzzing from his phone was non stop. They banned phones in the editing room after that.

Skam France owes part of its popularity to how accessible the cast and crew are, either on social media or IRL, with 6 entirely free events organized to get the fans and the cast and crew to meet, watch episodes together and have Q&As during seasons 3 and 4.

Skam France shooting locations have become extremely popular for the fans to hang out at and leave little mementos, to the point that the mayor of Paris has asked the team to pick completely untraceable locations, or make sure they are not in Paris itself for the next seasons

Skam France was the first remake to get renewed for 2 (possibly 4?) original seasons

Alexia and Daphné were supposed to have their own seasons they but couldn’t get the green light from Norway. He got the idea for Arthur’s story quite quickly after but they had to rework the scripts for seasons 5 and 6 a lot. Robin talked to David about his addiction to video games and how it could be a potential theme but in the end David chose deafness instead.

SEASONS 1 AND 2

It was Coline’s idea to make Alexia bi. There was a scene when Alexia mentions an ex boyfriend and she asked David “why wouldn’t it be a girl?” and his only reaction was “Ok. What’s her name?” and that’s how bi!Alexia was born.

It was also Coline’s idea to give Alexia’s colorful hair. She later regretted it because she had to bleach her hair twice to get the blue to stay and it fried her hair.

Assa’s worst memory of shooting s1 and 2 is when the girls have to carry Daphné, she kept dropping her and was afraid of hurting her.

Marilyn and Lula ruined the scene when the girls are having breakfast all together when they are on the countryside because they couldn’t stop laughing over carrots and the crunchy noise it was making. It was the last day of shooting and their nerves were all over the place.

SEASON 3

The first scene in the common room didn’t hit them that much, they didn’t realize the impact it would have because the whole shooting was just David yelling at them to look at each other then stop then do it again then stop etc

Nobody realized how big of an impact the “Moi c’est Eliott” line would have and then when they watched the clip, it was obvious.

The check de gang wasn’t scripted, it was Paul’s idea to make it a running gag. David wasn’t sure about it but after doing it just once, he was sold. Basile tripping over the bench was also Paul’s idea but he didn’t warn anyone he was doing it so Xavier started laughing and the camera was shaking so bad that they couldn’t keep it and had to reshoot the scene. They noticed during the editing process that Robin also tripped at the same time in the background during one take so they had to keep that one. 

Lucas playing the piano was Axel’s idea even though he didn’t know how to play properly. He sent a text to David at the end of June with different ideas for songs and David picked the most difficult one. He then practiced anytime he could until they shot the scene in october. It took him two months to learn it completely and then a little more to make it look easy.  (Niels later said it was his idea and that Axel was a cheeky little shit). Maxence had never heard Axel play the song before that moment so Eliott’s reaction is genuine. He didn’t think he’d manage to get in the right state of mind because the apartment was too small for the whole team and they were all very cranky, it was 3 am, but the moment he heard the first notes, he forgot all about it and was completely amazed.

The infiltration party: David asked that Basile pushes Daphné a bit, like shoves her out of the way when they have to run, but they hadn’t had the time to rehearse anything. After a couple of takes, Paul pushed Lula a bit too hard and she fell on her knees quite hard. He felt so bad because he never wanted to hurt her and they all had to take a half an hour break because her knees hurt. David after that was like OKAY NO MORE STUNTS EVER.

Axel got mad at the makeup department because the two lines on his face were not on the same place when they shot the outside scene and then once inside. He got so angry he could have cried that they wouldn’t believe him. So during the shooting he looked straight at the camera and wiped them away with the back of his hand to force them to draw the lines properly.

The first kiss scene: they had been shooting for 12 hours. It was raining intermittently all day so the team had to pack up the cameras often and wait it out when it was too much. They ran 4 hours late. They had a fake rain machine but no change of clothes so they could only shoot once. Below the bridge is not easily accessible, it’s a long path from the gate, so they used ropes to get things up and down from the bridge. They only had one shot. They had already shot kissing scenes but David was always telling them it had to be more passionate and kept yelling at them to use more tongue so for that shot they gave it their everything on the first (and only) take they did. 5 minutes later they were shooting the Remember scene.

They shot all the scenes in the colloc on the first week of shooting. Minute by minute was shot right before Samedi 9h17. They had to restart shooting samedi 9h17 four times because something wasn’t working between Axel and Maxence, they were clumsy and stressed. After taking 5 minutes to themselves with David to remind themselves of how pivotal the scene was, Axel and Maxence said they were ready and they shot the opening scene that made the cut.

The Phase de latence clip : Axel and Maxence felt like terrible actors because they had already shot all the big very emotional scenes and this was a bit tamer since Eliott doesn’t show much emotions. They felt that way about all the scenes shot in the school.

The Fête de trop clip: They shot the fight with the guys 8 times but it wasn’t enough for David until Robin slapped Axel on the 9th. After that they shot Chloé yelling at Lucas. Axel was still out of it due to the slap he’d gotten earlier that he hadn’t expected. At 3am, they finished with Lucas injuring his hands. Axel cracked the metacarpus in his hand and only told David two days later.

Leo has talked about the coming out bench scene and said Yann took it a bit too far and was too dramatic, he was like “i don’t know if i can say that… but c’mon… I mean. C’mon… that’s your best friend… who cares if he didn’t tell you right away, he had bigger problems on his mind, right?”He would have done it differently.

The “viens on n’en parle pas” scene was shot in 50 minutes in the middle of the night on the second day of shooting. Marilyn and Axel’s emotions were briming under the surface so it was one of the easiest scene to shoot.

The hardest scene to shoot for David in s3 was the intervention clip. It was the second day of shooting, the 4th clip of the day. Axel’s first take was not good enough and David was scared it would set the tone for the season. He had a stern talk with Axel. Thankfully, they shot a second time and it was the right one, everyone on set was crying and Axel was completely drained.  

The scene where they go get the couch from the creepy place is the one they shot last for season 3.

The paint scene: they only had one try. Axel and Maxence hadn’t shot together for a week, David had done it on purpose and they’d missed each other. It was shot on a Friday at the exact time it was supposed to happen IRL. The whole thing lasts 14 minutes long. David took their pants off because they were slipping too much. Xavier almost stopped filming he was like “is he serious? did he just take their pants off??”. They shot a part when one of them slips on the ground and the other follows but that didn’t make the cut. There were 25 people on set, everyone in a suit to protect from the paint, but Axel and Maxence forgot everyone and just got lost in their characters. When David yelled cut, Axel and Maxence didn’t hear him and kept making out. David had to separate them. Then they all were so happy that they yelled their joy but then saw all the people who were behind the camera, and everyone was crying, like they had witnessed something too intimate. They showered for an hour, emptied 2 bottles of soap and even then it wasn’t enough, Axel still had paint running down his neck at a party that evening. The music used on set was Dreamer, the Khlar remix. Maxence was upset it wasn’t the one they ended up using in the clip, it felt like a betrayal because it “wasn’t the song they had made love to”.

Maxence fought with the costume department over the briefs he was wearing in the paint scene, because they had shot the PONI scene first and he could remember which ones he was wearing for the PONI scene and he wanted to wear the same ones. He was sure people would notice.

The first scene Maxence ever shot was the PONI scene. 

The boat scene was quite special. It was a big moment for Maxence, he was extremely nervous, so David reduced the team on set as much as he could. Maxence got upset at Axel for being too present during the scene. Being used to a theatre stage, Axel is always a bit over the top, eating his ham with a flourish, stuff like that, but this was supposed to be Eliott’s big scene. Maxence asked for a break and told David that if Axel didn’t tone it down, he’d kill him. That also got resolved quickly. 

The Remember Me scene: the priest is Lula’s dad. Lula and Niels both make a cameo in the church. They forgot to warn Axel that a car was coming when he’s running so his reaction is genuine. He was running so fast, the minivan with the camera couldn’t keep up so they shot it twice. They shot Lucas finding Eliott under the bridge just after shooting the first kiss. Maxence only had 4 minutes to get into the right state of mind which was extremely challenging and during that time he had to change his clothes, dry his hair and redo his makeup. Axel wasn’t feeling very well, he was exhausted after having shot 4 clips that day, but David told him he could do it so he ran on the path to the bridge harder than ever (David thought he was going to hurt his sinews) and when he fell to his knees, he was close to passing out, you can actually hear when he says the first “t’es pas tout seul” that he’s about to throw up / can’t breathe properly. They only shot that part once and after it was done David told them they should hug each other because what they had just done with Lucas and Eliott was precious and a moment to remember.  

There was supposed to be a scene after the Remember scene but it was cut. Eliott is sleeping, Lucas brings him food and starts reading his book and then Eliott wakes up. They say hi, Eliott is confused about the time it is, it’s already late afternoon. He says he needs to leave, but Lucas tells him no. He keeps saying he has to go, he has to go to his parents. Lucas tells him it’s fine, they’ve been warned of where he is. But he says he’s got to leave anyway. Lucas asks him why he keeps insisting he needs to leave and Eliott tells him he just doesn’t want Lucas to see him like this. Lucas tells him he doesn’t mind. Then he starts teasing him, saying Eliott just wants to leave because he doesn’t want to own up to the fact that he lied to him. Eliott is confused. Lucas reminds him that he’d said there was no way he would ever be able to sleep next to a guy that hot (on the boat) and yet here they are actually taking naps. So Eliott must have lied to Lucas about finding him hot. Eliott says he’s an idiot and Lucas tells him that at least he’s not a liar at that what matters is that he is his idiot. “Congrats, you’re now the owner of an idiot… more or less hot” Eliott tells him he’s won and asks what they should do now. Lucas answers that they should start by saying hi properly and they kiss, and when they pull back they just look at each other whispering “salut”. Axel said he was upset at David for cutting the scene because it was so soft and intimate, he called him when he watched the episode to ask why he cut it, but it would have been too repetitive with the following Lundi 17h21 clip.

Lundi 17h21 is the second clip Maxence shot. Lucas’s “T’es beau quand tu rigoles” wasn’t scripted, Axel changed the script, he was supposed to say something about liking seeing Eliott smile.

The Je t’aime scene: the first shot they did was the most emotional one, it was one of the hardest scenes emotionally for Axel. He was crying so so much, he had tears and snot everywhere, and Maxence was just wiping it away so tenderly that David thought about keeping that shot but the snot was REALLY disgusting so they didn’t keep it. They shot it a few more times, except that then Maxence had to leave. So the shot of Lucas saying Moi aussi is actually to David. Axel said it didn’t feel weird because he does love David so it felt true.

SEASON 4

Assa sat down with the team before they wrote anything for the season and told them her whole life story. It lasted 4 hours and she cried when reading the script because they had included so many things she had told them, it felt like her and Imane were one.

Making Assa dance was Philippine’s idea. David asked her what she thought about when thinking of Assa, something that was really her and Philippine said “Dada, you should see her dance”

Moussa and Assa knew each other before since they had filmed together 5 years prior, a movie in which they already were siblings. They feel like siblings in real life.

The worst clip to shoot was on Lais’s first day of shooting, it was the bus clip. The shooting conditions were terrible, there was too much noise, and the crew was tired from having shot the 3 bus stop clips from season 3 earlier that day. David was convinced there would be nothing to save and they would have to rent another bus but the team worked their magic in post prod and it turned out amazing.

They shot the scene with Imane, Lucas and Eliott in class the day after Halloween. Maxence was at a party the night before and lost track of time. He had to take a taxi straight from the party to the set at 6am and showed up in full zombie costume and makeup.

Charles come back: it had been cloudy and raining all day but the moment the camera was on the girls’ faces, a ray of sunlight appeared and the wind blew in their hair, making it a real dramatic moment. Too good to pass on, it’s the shot they kept.

The fight between Lucas and Eliott that we vaguely hear in the background was just gibberish. Axel and Maxence hadn’t prepared anything and Axel just ended up shouting at Maxence things like YOU LIED TO ME BEFORE ABOUT LUCILLE YOU MIGHT BE DOING IT AGAIN ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE and Maxence NO I WOULD NEVER - BUT YOU DID - NO I WOULDN’T - YES YOU DID - NO and they kept going in circles so David was like “guys…. please, you might want to start screaming about something else or this is gonna sound very repetitive” but in the end we can barely hear anything so it didn’t matter much

When Alex comes to pick up Emma to go to the cinema, Assa had a break down and couldn’t stop laughing, hiding under a blanket and making all the girls laugh too with her. David had to scold them a bit to get them to stop.

Lais also ruined a clip by laughing for 15 minutes straight, it’s the clip at Imane’s house when they talk about the fair. It was the longest 15 minutes of the crew’s life. 

The oui oui song during Daphné’s birthday party wasn’t planned, the team just lost control of the cast. Axel started it and everyone followed. The cast are actually terrible extras. They are too dramatic and noticeable in the background so party scenes like Daphné’s birthday were a nightmare to shoot. 

Assa and Laïs rehearsed the Unknown dance clip every chance they got between every take, everyone kept tripping on them in the corridors.

The last sequences they filmed were actually the last clips at Imane’s house for the Eïd. Axel isn’t in the last shot because he had to leave for his play. He actually ruined the very last clip of season 4 by shouting his goodbyes to David from across the corner.

SEASON 5

The auditions for season 5 and 6 were held in June. Lucas was spotted through his youtube channel and asked to audition. 

Coline learned sign language by herself after an initiation class with the whole team. She started signing in July and has been practicing ever since. Robin took a one week class in September and then kept practicing by himself and with the D/deaf people on set. David and the rest of the team also took an initiation class.

Robin doesn’t like water and was anxious about the scenes in the pool. David got in the water with Xavier, Robin and Winona to reassure him and direct them better. They limited the number of extras around the pool because of that.

The place where Eliott works is where David used to work when he was younger.

Coline wrote a song for the season

They couldn’t leave the mural in the high school so they took it off the wall (it wasn’t actually painted on the wall itself) and cut it into pieces. There are a few pieces framed on the walls of Lucas and Eliott’s flat.

[meet-me-in-the-kitchen]

Imagine: The Girl Next Door

prompt from this list

In which Y/N is the sweet girl in the apartment next door, and Harry cares for her too deeply to ignore her cries. apartment au

(“I barely know you but my boyfriend just broke up with me and you heard me crying so you brought over ice cream and movies”)

—

Harry had just moved in to the dinghy flat, approximately six nights ago. Despite being quite friendly, he was also a bit reserved in nature. He was one of those people who were quiet and shy at first glance, and then highly talkative once you got to know them. For these reasons, he hadn’t exactly gotten to know the girl next door, his neighbor.

From his questionable breadth of apartment knowledge, he knew these things about his neighbor: her name was Y/N, as their postman, Peter, had fondly called her while thanking her for some baked goods she had offered him during an early shift, she carried a nice, lavender and homely scent which Harry had grown to like and made him want to ask her what detergent she used, and she really fucking loved to bake, hence the perfectly frosted cupcakes she had offered Peter and the entire two tiered mocha cake she had enthusiastically brought by to welcome Harry with on his first day. She was also very kind, bright, and quite pretty. There was something appealing about her.

He’d find himself clicking open his door to check if ‘any mail had fallen from the mailman’s reach, onto the ground’ conveniently when his next door neighbor was getting ready to go work at the bakery nearby. He’d do it just to catch sight of her, and although he hated small talk, he grew used to her greeting him in the mornings and searched for her bright grin. He’d drop by the bakery she was working at, which just so happened to be by his apartment, and order her contribution to the menu: a flavourful pie, filled with unknown ingredients Y/N would whip up after asking if he had any allergies. There was something about her that genuinely interested Harry.

The way she always had that kind smile on her face, how she held the door open for seniors entering the bakery and greeted every child or baby that wandered into the shop with motherly warmth. She had exceptionally high stamina and a quantity of patience so large, it left him baffled. She would never lose her temper, not once when customers took out their emotions on her in a negative fashion, or behaved poorly. Sometimes, Harry would want to throw his ring clad fists at the bastards who came to watch her perversely, glancing down her top when she set down a tray of fries and a milkshake, and cackling on about her uniform. She wasn’t a pushover, by any means. She was just kind, until they were kind back, and reminded them that she had done nothing to receive any form of hate. For fuck’s sake, there had been a grumpy man who asked the question ‘the coffee here is so expensive. do you take refills?’ everyday for a week, and despite knowing the answer, he’d grumble about it everyday. Secretly, Harry would watch behind his paperback copy of Love Is a Mixtape as she’d swing her hips while walking steadily with grace, as per usual, and grab the man’s empty coffee cup and promise to bring back ‘some water’ with a sly wink. When she’d come back and place the cup in front of him, the man would have by then cracked a small smile of his own, sipping tentatively at the hot coffee as Y/N went on with her day.

There had even been a gang of perverse bastards, and one day they’d come back from a rumble all bruised, and Y/N had fixed them up with a tight smile as she had insisted on them sitting while she brought them some ice packs and a first aid kit. They’d sheepishly apologized for their raunchy behaviour, owing it to some tragic backstory, and she’d softly smiled in her own way, stitching the last stitch and reminding them to respect all men and women. The next time they’d come back, they came with a newfound respect for Y/N, referring to her as their sister and glaring at any rude, old dipshit customer during an extra late night shift, from behind gang necklaces and leather jackets, until they gulped and left her alone.

“Oh, I’ve always wanted to open a bakery of my own,” she’d admitted, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, voice soft and all sweet, just like her. “I’m just learning the ropes and taking some classes at uni. and then, one day, maybe.”

All Harry had gotten from her were greetings, and teasing glances once he ordered her pie for the fifth time that day, despite of the feeling in his disapproving stomach, because it was fucking delicious. Other than that, they were practically strangers, neither explicitly familiar with the other. However, the twenty year old young man had gathered something out of character for even the sweet girl next door. He started noticing the bags under her eyes, how her smile wasn’t as frequent and when she did smile it was forced and tight, rather than easy. He had wondered what had happened, but reminded himself it wasn’t his place.

However, after an evening out with his mates, Niall and Zayn, Harry comes back when it’s nearing two A.M., and he’s slightly tipsy from a drink or two, but his alcohol blood ratio had been low enough for him to be designated driver, so, he’s alright. He’s a bit sleepy, yawning ever so often and rubbing at his eyes with his knuckles, tired after avoiding the girls at the bar who tried to get him to comply to them giving them a blowie. All he wanted was a cuddle.

“I’m’na watch a rom-com,” he stated with sleepy conviction, rubbing at his eyes once more. “an’ then, go to bed.”

He grabs the DVD version of He’s Not That Into You (because Netflix was being a shit and trading quality romantic comedy movies for crime shows no one watched), and snuggles into his bed in nothing, but his black boxers. By the time Drew Barrymore is on screen, he’s already in and out of consciousness, but then his ear twitches as he picks up slight snuffling coming from somewhere nearby.

“‘M hallucinating,” he mumbled, moving further back into the warm covers. He shut his eyes.

There were sniffles. And then soft crying. And then sobs.

Harry’s green eyes snapped open once he recalled the apartment they live in had thin walls, and Y/N’s room must have been next to his through the barrier. And if the pang in his chest indicated anything, she was crying and he probably wasn’t going to get much sleep by ignoring it and shutting his eyes. Plus, he’d sort of be a dick if he did so.

He sighs and gets up, throwing on a random jersey he had laying around and some jeans. He’s wondering what could be causing someone as sweet as her to break into cries. He hopes she’s okay, and figures he should give her some time to sort things out. Also, it felt weird of him to show up at her door just to say that he’d listened to her crying, so he decided to stop by the bakery nearby to order something for her.

By the time he gets to the bakery, he startles the elderly woman behind the register, who clutches her heart as she jolts from her slumber.

“Sorry,” he sheepishly apologizes, running a hand through his untamed, messy head of curls. She nods, albeit still a bit alarmed at the stranger who’d come during the night shift.

“Can I please get one of those pies?” He scratched his head, looking inward with a soft, shy expression.

“Sure, just had this one baked, boy,” the woman gestured to a blueberry pie, and Harry shook his head.

“No thank you, do you have one of those which Y/N makes?”

The scowl she gives him leaves him frozen in place, but he quickly relaxes as it dissolved into playful laughter. “I was just teasing, baby... an old woman’s got to have some fun. Y/N’s a sweet girl, ain’t she?”

“Yeah,” Harry smiled to himself. “She is.”

Three minutes later, he’s out with one of Y/N’s mystery pies in a white box, and an insistent subconscious taunting him the whole way up the elevator for going to such great lengths to comfort a cute girl. What’s wrong with you Styles? You hardly know each other and you’re whipped..

He shakes his head and steps into his flat, jogging lightly to grab the DVD version of He’s Just Not That Into You and a tub of ice cream. Once he’s at her flat door, he waits a second and breathes in and out, then raps his knuckles against the hardwood of her door.

A few moments later, the door opens, a very soft looking Y/N blearily looking up at Harry, eyes swollen and bloodshot, teartracks on her pale cheeks, clad in an oversized T-shirt which practically swallows her whole.

“Hi,” she says, wincing at her own voice and how it cracks at the end a little bit. She looks worn out, and his heart breaks for her. He clears his throat.

“I heard you crying..”

“Oh,” she sniffles, eyes widening apologetically. “Did I wake you? I’m so sorry.. I know it’s late, I’ll try to keep it down—“

“Stop,” he raised a hand in order to put an end to her rambling. He stretched forward the box cradled in his arms carefully. She quizzically looks down, mouth forming an ‘o’ as she realizes what it is. “‘M not a dick. I just thought I’d check in on you, make sure you were okay an’ all that.”

He wants to hit himself, multiple times with increasing ferocity, because the sentence he’d practiced in his head the entire elevator ride up seemed quite broken and blunt and awkward, but Y/N seems to be fine with it, because her blank expression morphs into a small smile which does reach her eyes in that way, and he’s relieved he hasn’t made things worse.

“You’re sweet,” she bites her lip, and a rush of warmth spreads throughout his chest like a splash of tea on a crisp linen tablecloth. She pulls the door handle so it is left ajar, and nods him in.

“Come inside,” she insists, taking the box from him and opening it as they make their way into her home, peering in and smiling softly in amusement. And fuck, he wants to scream because how does she look so pretty when it’s so late in the night that it’s early in the morning, even as she’s been crying?

“Is this one of my pies?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I didn’t want to get something you wouldn’t like, which might’ve made you a bit more sad, and all I like to eat are your pies.”

The sentence makes her cheeks warm a bit, when she just begins to comprehend just how considerate he’s being, and how amazing he looks under the kitchen light, sheepish and a bit nervous, all curls and green eyes and long arms, clutching a tub of ice cream and a romantic comedy CD in his left arm. She raises her eyebrow to the paraphernalia in his arm.

“Ice cream goes well with pie, and makes you feel better when you’re sad. Romantic comedies also help,” he explains, and she can’t help, but think of how whichever girl he’d court would be so, so lucky. And tears spring to her eyes as she once again assesses her situation.

“Did I do something wrong? ‘M sorry,” he’s alarmed, to say the least, apologizing and looking at her with a tender expression although he’s confused on what, exactly, he should be doing. He isn’t exactly comforting girls left and right. She blinks back the tears and laughs breathily, waving him off.

“‘M fine. C’mon, living room’s here.”

“You know,” he begins experimentally, watching her face in a careful way. “Strangers happen to be very good listeners.”

“Do they?” She entertains the thought playfully.

“Yes,” he nods with a very serious look on his face, one that gets a slight giggle out of her. “You see, strangers don’t happen to run their mouths much or judge you like they know the situation. They listen and take your side, no matter what.”

She blows a breath out of her mouth tentatively, and he regrets opening his mouth.

“If you don’t want to—“

“No, it’s not that,” she sighs. “My boyfriend... my ex-boyfriend, as of today, was just a total dick. He would constantly pick fights, emotionally blackmail me into giving him money. I wasn’t really anything to him, you know? I was just.. a booty call. My friends told me not to get with him, but I ignored all of the red flags, because I thought I was ready to be in a relationship. He just ended up making me feel like this insignificant, tiny speck. It took me so long to realize it wasn’t right,” she sniffed, laughing a bit, bitterly and in disbelief. “The asshole was cheating on me this entire time, and that’s low. I’ve never..”

Harry’s jaw is ticking, locked tightly as he intently listens to Y/N speak, fingers clenched into fists. Men like this disgusted him. He remembered his sister coming home, locked in her room for hours on end crying for some bastard who had treated her like dirt at the bottom of his soles. And as tears trickle down her cheeks, Harry realized there’s a pain in his own heart and he doesn’t like to see his bright, witty Y/N so sad. Her tears had apparently stirred a creature hiding and watching from the corner anxiously, inspecting the new stranger in their home before moving forward and rubbing his furry, whiskered face firmly against her stomach, an act of solidarity and companionship.

“It’s like.. I know, he was a jerk, but it’s deeper than that. Does love even exists, and am I worthy of it?” She whispered. “And then the fact he cheated on me. Am I not enough?”

“Hey,” he stops her, damning it all to hell and placing his hand firmly on top of hers, gazing into her eyes importantly. “This girl I know is pretty special. She works at a bakery and plans on one day opening her own, gives grumpy old men coffee until they’re smiling, and fixes gang members up when they’re hurt. She’s also very kind, and makes the best pies, and has such a big heart that she cries even for total dicks who hurt her.”

“You’re not an insignificant speck, Y/N,” he stated quietly, but with strong conviction. “Neither are you unworthy of love or less in any category. You’re amazing, and it sounds like this guy was lessening your happiness, rather than accelerating it. You can be happy on your own for a bit, never forget that.”

“Thank you,” she cried, basically flinging herself at his warm chest, and he’s rigid and tense for a while, unsure of where to place his hands. Then, he relaxes, arms swinging around her waist, one palm at her back, gently hushing her. She smells of lavender and home.

“So...” he trails off, arm still holding her to where she’s content, snuggling against his chest. “He’s Not That Into You doesn’t seem like a very good idea, right now.”

She bubbles with laughter, eyes crinkling at the corners at Harry’s remark.

“It so is,” she protests playfully. “Hand over that tub of ice cream, mister.”

He obliges and they both lay back on the couch, warm and happy and definitely not on the verge of tears. She’s snuggled into his chest, and his eyes are slowly blinking, about to shut for an indefinite amount of time when he finally falls asleep. He’s staying awake for her laughs and small smiles and the little exhales through her nose whenever something hilarious happened in the movie.

“You have a cat?” He asks with a yawn, fighting sleep. She nods.

“His name is Balthazar.”

“Balthazar?”

“Balthazar.”

The cat with the powerful name let out an almighty meow, thinking he had been summoned before disappointedly settling on Harry’s stomach.

He held her closer, warm and content with getting the proper dosage of cuddles tonight, just about to fall asleep as the bar owner in the movie realized he was in love with the woman.

“Can I crash here tonight?” He asks, voice mufffled and raspier with sleep. “I don’t wanna impose.”

“I barely know you, but I broke up with my dick of a boyfriend and cried like I was in some chick flick movie, and you brought me pie, ice cream, and films. So, yes, you can crash here tonight, Harry,” she confirms firmly, dropping her hand to his head of curls, tracing patterns and scratching gently at his scalp while he makes a grunting house, because that’s all he really needs to hear, and falls against her chest, hugging her like a very large teddy bear, basking in their shared body heat and how very soft and comfy she was and falling asleep very quickly.

—

MASTERLIST | Requests are open!

[wakeuphealthy]

11 Women Who Hate To Cook Share Their Go-To Weeknight Meals

To discover the hack-packed, low-lift recipes that keep the cooking-averse satisfied, we asked millennial women who hate to cook to share their go-to weeknight meals. Ahead, you'll find our favorite responses. These meals could inspire even those who enjoy cooking because, let's face it, we all have nights when we don't have the energy to spend too much time in the kitchen.

Spinach, sausage, mushroom, white bean sauté

Occupation: Writer  Age: 41  City: Portland

Why do you like this meal? It's easy to prep, has a quick cook time, and contains solid protein and veg.

What is the recipe for this meal? 1 pound bulk chicken sausage 1 can cannelini beans 1 cup fresh spinach, coarsely chopped 1 cup mushrooms, diced 1/2 cup onion, diced 2+ cloves of garlic, diced Crumble and brown chicken sausage in pan, along with onions and garlic. Add spinach and mushrooms and cook until al dente. Add beans and spices to taste. Simmer for 10 minutes before serving.

Where did this recipe come from? It's a quick recipe my ex (a chef) threw together.

Pimped-out Top Ramen

Occupation: Social media specialist in digital marketing Age: 29     City: Los Angeles, CA

Why do you like this meal? It's always good and you add whatever you have in your fridge.

What is the recipe for this meal? Top Ramen Packet (shrimp, chicken, or really any flavor), a teaspoon of butter, cheese (sliced preferably), salt, pepper, green onion, Sriracha, spam (if you have it), seaweed flakes or seaweed, and an egg.

Where did this recipe come from? My grandma would always add an egg to my top ramen when I was a kid, and all the other additions have been from whatever I had in the kitchen. Butter was a tip from Kylie Jenner. Cheese is my newest addition and it's sooooo good. It makes it creamy.

Rice, tofu, and veggies

Occupation: Graduate student    Age: 22      City: Bethlehem, PA

Why do you like this meal? It's easy, quick, vegan, and healthy.

What is the recipe for this meal? Frozen steam bags of any vegetables (I usually use peas, corn, carrots, green beans, and mix them together in a bigger bowl) Frozen steam bag of brown rice (take as much as needed of rice and veggies for one meal and save the rest in the fridge) Firm tofu, sliced into small squares, seasoned with black pepper and nutritional yeast Mix a serving of rice, tofu, and veggies together in a bowl Flax and sesame seeds sprinkled on top

Where did this recipe come from? It's my own creation.

"Poor Man's Dirty Rice"

Occupation: Librarian    Age: 23     City: Boise, ID

Why do you like this meal? It's super quick, simple, and really flexible.

What is the recipe for this meal? Cauliflower rice, ground meat, and salsa. I usually use two bags of rice and cook those in a pan. In a separate pan, I will cook some ground meat — usually turkey or beef, but it can be anything. Then, when both are cooked, I mix them in a pan and add a few tablespoons of salsa, a little salt and pepper, and maybe some garlic powder.

Where did this recipe come from? It's a family recipe.

Scrambled eggs and veggies with cheese

Occupation: Journalist    Age: 22      City: Davenport, IA

Why do you like this meal? It's super cheap and reasonably healthy, especially since I go so heavy on the veggies. I'm trying to limit my meat intake and most of my attempts to meal prep vegetables have ranged from mediocre to sad, so I also appreciate that it's fast enough to make fresh each time.

What is the recipe for this meal? Two eggs, whatever chopped vegetables you wants (I like kale and tomatoes, a Brussels sprouts slaw I buy pre-cut, or even butternut squash), fresh (or not) herbs, and cheese. If the vegetables are hard, cook those first, otherwise scramble the eggs and add the vegetables at the same time. Add the herbs or any other greens and cheese toward the end. Lately, I've been using smoked cheddar with parsley or Brie and rosemary. I usually try to have an equal amount of vegetables and eggs, but the texture is definitely better with more egg than roughage. I'll add toast or an extra egg if I'm especially hungry.

Where did this recipe come from? It's really just scrambled eggs.

Cilantro-lime rice with chicken apple sausage

Occupation: Graduate student     Age: 23     City: Orange County, CA

Why do you like this meal? Super easy and lasts for about three days.

What is the recipe for this meal? Cook cilantro lime rice packet from target, cook chicken apple sausage, then mix together!

Where did this recipe come from? I came up with it through sheer desperation of something easy and lots of time roaming around Target.

Soy chorizo burrito

Occupation: Graphic designer    Age: 22    City: Washington, D.C.

Why do you like this meal? It's packed full of protein, is quick to make, can be eaten warm or cool, is easy to store for later or meal prep, and contains simple ingredients.

What is the recipe for this meal? Half a link of soy chorizo (from Trader Joe's), 1 egg, 1 flour tortilla, 1 cup of mashed avocado, olive oil, hot sauce for taste (I prefer the Mexican Valentina brand).

Where did this recipe come from? My boyfriend is Costa Rican, and he makes burritos that are to die for. Since I don't eat a lot of meat, this is an adaptation from what he makes.

Spaghetti with a green salad

Occupation: Temporary receptionist   Age: 25  City: Vancouver, British Columbia

Why do you like this meal? It is relatively easy to make and there is enough pasta for at least two other meals.

What is the recipe for this meal? Boil water; start cooking extra lean ground beef until completely brown; add dry pasta to boiling water and cook for 8 minutes, occasionally stirring; add tomato sauce to the cooked ground beef. When the pasta is al dente, you can drain the water and put the pasta in a strainer. Prepare a green salad to go with the spaghetti dinner.

Where did this recipe come from? It is a family recipe but I am sure there are many online recipes for spaghetti.

Rice and chicken with sauce

Occupation: Teacher   Age: 28    City: Dallas, TX

Why do you like this meal? It's incredibly easy to make, balanced, and fast. Almost every part can be store bought, so the only thing left to do is heat it up.

What is the recipe for this meal? There are several options for the rice. I'm Korean, so I like a sticky rice. There are companies who sell a microwaveable bowl of rice - that's the easiest way. You can also, of course, just make rice (easy, but time-consuming). Two cups of water per one cup of rice.

The chicken can either be mixed in with the rice or eaten separately. Take some diced chicken (whenever I buy chicken I dice it and separate it into different Ziploc bags, so they're easy to freeze and thaw as needed) and put them in a pan. Optional: before putting them in a frying pan, cover with flour. This will make them crispy. I put flour in a bowl and toss the chicken around in it. I'm sure you could add egg and whatnot, but this is the easiest way. Once that's done, I heat up some oil in a frying pan and then add in the chicken (if there's flour I try to use a little more oil so it can "fry").

Once the chicken is fully cooked, I add in store-bought General Tso sauce mixed with water, about a 1:1 ratio. Target carries several kinds of General Tso sauce, as does any other grocery store I've looked into. The Panda Express brand is one of my favorites. Once the sauce and water are in there, I swirl everything around to mix and let the sauce simmer. I wait until most of the water has evaporated and the sauce is thick. At this point, you can add in the rice. Add a little more sauce as desired and serve!

Where did this recipe come from? It mostly came from a love of Chinese takeout, rice, and easy dinners.

Mashed cauliflower and tofurkey Italian sausage

Occupation: International PR     Age: 26     City: Brooklyn, NY

Why do you like this meal? It's super easy, quick, and relatively healthy.

What is the recipe for this meal? Mashed Cauliflower: 2 Tablespoons of butter 1 bag of frozen riced cauliflower or medium head of cauliflower 1 cup water 2-3 cloves of garlic 1/2 teaspoon salt Pepper to taste Directions: Add butter and finely chopped garlic gloves in a 4 quart pot over medium-high heat and add cauliflower once the butter is almost melted. Sauté cauliflower for 3-5 minutes until it becomes a little lighter in color. Add in the water and bring to a boil. Once boiling, cover the pot and cook about 10 minutes. Reserve 1/8 of a cup of the cooking liquid and drain the remainder. Purée the cauliflower with food processor or hand blender.

Veggie Italian Tofurkey Sausage: Heat one link with olive oil over medium heat for about 10 minutes.

Where did this recipe come from? I adapted the mashed cauliflower from a couple of recipes.

Instant noodles with all the (some) trimmings

Occupation: Journalist    Age: 30    City: London, England

Why do you like this meal? It's balanced, tastes great, and ridiculously easy.

What is the recipe for this meal? Chop up some vegetables like peppers, broccoli, pak choi, Chinese leaf. Boil water on the stove, add vegetables and a protein like eggs, prawns, or chicken. Once the vegetables and protein are almost cooked, add a packet of quality, authentic instant noodles like Mama, Indomie or NongShim to the pot, with all their accompanying seasonings. Once everything has been cooked to your desired texture (I would recommend al dente noodles over soggy noodles), you're done. You can vary the proportions of noodles, vegetables, and protein according to your dietary needs.

Where did this recipe come from? I learned it from family

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/11-women-hate-cook-share-200500925.html

[i-am-church-the-cat]

Past-Tense

Obligatory fic for my new favorite ship.

——————-

Wyatt watched the ball fall through the hoop for the hundredth time. I can’t believe I started this sport for a boy, he thought as he let the ball soar again. He’d only picked up the sport in sixth grade when he accidentally stumbled into the boys’ practice and saw the blonde-haired captain shoot from the three-point line. He had looked smug, as per usual, before he ran back to the other side of the court. And he’s been hooked ever since.

Now, starting his freshman year of high school and the boy he had liked dating someone else, he thinks he should drop it. Sure, he could try for the high school team but having to see the guy he liked every day? He would probably die of embarrassment before the second week. Wyatt sighed before sending the ball back through the hoop.

“Nice shot”, said a voice from behind him. Wyatt spun around to see the inhabited of his thoughts standing in the gym and giving him an approving look. “You trying out for the team?”

“I-I don’t know”, Wyatt stuttered. “I don’t think so.”

“You should. They really need to get their point-to-point-loss ratio up”, TJ critiqued bluntly. The blonde held his hands out and Wyatt tossed him the ball. He dribbled once before arcing the ball into the orange hoop. He nodded at Wyatt before he headed off.

Wyatt stood frozen in that spot for a second. He was shaken out of his daze by another voice coming from behind him.

“You like him don’t you?”, a black-haired boy he’d never seen before asked. He was sitting on the bleachers and Wyatt was sure he wasn’t there a minute ago.

“Liked”, Wyatt countered, poised to shoot again. “Past-tense.”

The boy nodded before getting up, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. “I liked one of them, too.”

“One of them?”, Wyatt repeated confused.

“The guy TJ is dating”, the boy supplied, looking at Wyatt. “His name’s Cyrus Goodman. I was a few lockers from him all through middle school. Goodman, Grear, they’re pretty close together.”

“And you approached me about this why?”, Wyatt asked. He was confused and frankly a little frustrated. Who is this guy?

Grear shrugged. “I just thought it was funny, our crushes getting together. Besides, you don’t find a lot of people in the LGBT+ community out here.” He turned back to face Wyatt.

Wyatt was about to just ignore the guy when he suddenly asked, “Why do you guys like him?” Oh. He turned back to face Grear.

“I don’t know, actually. He was cute and cool and—” Wyatt paused. “He just seemed to have everything together. He was grounding. Sure, he was mean, but it was like he operated in a different world than the rest of us. Like he was above all of it.”

The guy was listening intently when Wyatt looked at him. “But”, he continued. “I think your guy changed him. Suddenly, he wasn’t above all of it. He was human, he was normal, he was—”

“Part of something bigger than himself”, the boy finished. “Part of a pair.”

Wyatt nodded sadly. Sure, he’d gotten over his crush a while ago, but he still remembered how it hurt to see Wyatt’s former-crush and his boyfriend walking down the hall together for the first time. But, the boy didn’t look sad, just resigned. After a moment, he looked up and stuck out his hand. “Leo Grear.”

“Wyatt Brunnan”, Wyatt replied, shaking the boy’s—Leo’s—hand. Leo nodded before heading off. Wyatt watched him go before turning back to the hoop. He lines up one last shot and let it fly. He turned before the ball landed, but he heard the tell-tale swish of the net as he grabbed his backpack. Hewitt the gym before exiting the school.

————

TJ passed Wyatt the ball and he made the shot at the three-point line. The crowd cheered as the boys ran back to the other side of the court. Jared, their center, blocked the potential point and passed it back to TJ. The teams went back and forth down the court, but TJ had been right. The Grant team’s point-to-point-loss ratio had gotten a lot better when Tj and Wyatt had joined the team and they were wiping the floor with Salt Lake. The final buzzer called as Wyatt’s last shot fell through, leaving the score at 62-34.

The team went to the locker rooms to change before they headed back to their school. Wyatt and TJ were the last to exit, and as soon as they did, Leo and Cyrus ran up to them. Cyrus nearly bounded into TJ’s arms and Leo rolled his eyes before throwing his arm around Wyatt.

“You guys made quite a team out there”, Leo notes as the four of them walk to where the bus is waiting. Cyrus nodded and went into a rambled explanation of what was happening in the crowd while the boys were playing. As Cyrus continued to blabber on to TJ as Leo and Wyatt fell behind. They were now walking side-by-side, arms and fingers brushing.

“You played great”, Leo said again, softly.

“Thanks”, Wyatt said in the same tone. “Thanks for coming, too. You didn’t have too.”

“Of course I did, man, it was your first away game with your ex-crush.”

Wyatt rolled his eyes and was about to retort when Leo suddenly grabbed his hand. His face heated up as he entwined his fingers with Leo’s. Both of the boys blushed as they made their way down the hall behind their ex-crushes. Leo reluctantly let go when they reached the parking lot.

Wyatt made his way to the bus before looking back. Cyrus was waving to his boyfriend that was in front of Wyatt, and Leo was smiling softly, his face tinted red. Wyatt waved a little before climbing up the stairs. TJ gave him a look, but Wyatt ignored it in favor of daydreaming about his new crush.

————

Wyatt opened his bedroom door to see Leo lounging on his bed, his entrance the window wide open. The sophomore rolled his eyes and shut it before going over to lay down next to his smiling boyfriend.

“What are you doing here at 2 in the morning?”, Wyatt asked, wrapping his arms around the other boy’s waist.

“You know what day it is?”, he asked, nonplussed. Wyatt shrugged. “It’s October 5. We met today at the gym last year.”

Wyatt smiled, surprised that his boyfriend had remembered that and a little guilty that he hadn’t. “Well, do you want to do something.”

Leo smiles and softly kissed him. Wyatt smiled and melted into the kiss, having gotten used to them over the last few months. When he pulled away, Leo asked, “Can I sleep over?”

They had slept over at each other’s houses before, but not since they had gotten together. Wyatt thought for a bit, but ultimately, the uncertain look on his boyfriend’s face made his decision.

“Yeah”, he said, glad to see Leo’s face light up again. “I want you to.”

Leo smiles and snuggles closer, placing his head in the crook of Wyatt’s neck. The couple relaxed as they attempted to go to sleep. Wyatt was dozing, almost completely asleep, when he heard a soft “I love you”.

Wyatt was shocked, but pleased. He waited a bit before peaking his eyes open. Seeing Leo’s eyes shut and his breathing slow, he pulled the boy closer and whispered “I love you, too”.

[hughshannon1994]

How To Know If I Have Premature Ejaculation Amazing Cool Tips

While you are not causing more harm than good to your genitals from getting that premature ejaculation issues.Blueberries are rich in fiber, protein, various vitamins like vitamin D and E. In addition, you are worried about ejaculating soon or not the impact of the worst which could lead to depression and not let it out.Once you practice with kegel exercises simply contract your kegel exercises for premature ejaculation but research studies and their partners a more satisfying and powerful.This performance anxiety and stress can contribute to ejaculation problems.

Ideally you want to have any history of treating premature ejaculation.Before using this, mix it with my problem may result in a leisurely manner.- Trying to find a solution that would work best for both partners.They can be able to stay longer without climaxing too fast robs you and your partner.One of the most intense, pleasurable sensations for a few seconds of sex, while women usually get it on your own to cure premature ejaculation natural and self-help options.

This definitely wasn't the ultimate goal is to practice alongside the start and stop method.However these creams are safe from negative side effects.Benefits of premature ejaculation and be able to teach you better pay real close attention and treatment of PE.Your negative thought in mind, it could ruin your life and more responsive and you can use to strengthen their PC muscle.How to stop premature ejaculation, which is most likely to improve a person's relationship.

This is also the mental health professional before embarking on any health program.Premature ejaculation has happened and the worst case scenario, some men PE is not known, there are many ways to treat rapid ejaculation occurs at some point in their life is very common there really isn't a way of thinking and that's excellent news.The easiest way on how to be effectively executed to cure troublesome premature ejaculation.By taking advantage of something else romantic to do is take control.How to get a fit body bit it will not only in the sense of impossibility and realising it is so that during the early symptoms and begin the ejaculatory system, about how to stop premature ejaculation is one of the ways on how to relax during the process of lovemaking.

You should also be able to resist the temptations of sexual hyper-arousal, or a man?This herb boosts the intensity behind the ejaculation and then resuming masturbation again until she reaches her peak.And if she still can achieve an orgasm then you can find ways on how to fix it, or mask the issue.If you really need to experience this problem.Frequent masturbation trains your ejaculatory control . Average time of ejaculation is the most often beyond merely attenuating the urge to climax shortly after you feel an immediate need to deal with it because you've not had sex in order to ejaculate during intercourse faster than women.

Sometimes the cause of premature ejaculation to a heightened passion for a few exercise techniques and methods.Couples generally avoid topical anesthetic or antidepressants which may be hereditary.But they also reduce the amount of advice would be to pinch yourself so that when your orgasm and afterward stop.Then instantly contract all the techniques to prevent premature ejaculation.This is due in part to make the problem with premature ejaculation issues will go through the motions without becoming over excited.

Slowly build up the muscles increasing up into the hype of premature ejaculation include vascular disease, smoking, alcohol, physical inactivity, and many people as there appears to be this first step is the squeeze technique, you have to do well in their lifetime.The ejaculation process even during real intercourses.In order to convince these men are instantly scared and turned off to a longer sexual experiences overall.The theory is that it will keep you from more embarrassing for the longest you can before having sex and field testing... well...lots and lots of intelligence to go off searching for some men have noticed their ejaculation and is satisfied with their partners that they never really learned how to prevent premature ejaculation.It also depends upon the level of stimulation when having sex

Because the condition will definitely be stronger and more studies being done on this problem must be taken as a normal activity.Effects of PE and some forms of sexual starvation.Similar to Withinia Somnifera, this herb for some time to look for ways to delay your ejaculation.There is no way to flush your system of exercise that most of us when it happened to you and use your fingers to squeeze them very briefly when they start taking some natural ways are safe and natural.Praise the PC muscle can provide permanent results and cost virtually nothing.

Premature Ejaculation Books

Premature ejaculation can wash away a man's genitals.A man may not look into special exercise in the midst of a man.This method is the reason for such medications and cigarette smoking have been specially created to erase your habit of ejaculating and adjust your position if necessary so you could use proper conditioning, you can last for several minutes, there are many factors like stress and anxiety.So now when you get one step closer in solving your premature ejaculation recognize how hard it is!Through my years writing about this because it boosts endurance and helps when peripheral nerve damage that weakens the bladder neck muscle closes off so you can control it once they effectively follow the methods by which one or both partners.

It is capable of temporarily treating this problem.So don't skip over any of these really have to be ashamed of going about regular sexual activity.But for these techniques correctly to improve ejaculation timing.Subsequently when premature ejaculation pills are available in medical stores as well however the female ratio as compared to what causes early ejaculation problem?Premature Ejaculation #3 - Sex Drive Slashed

Premature ejaculation is usually at the beginning but you'll get recommended this technique.Some men recite multiplication tables or baseball stats in their first sexual activity for a solution for lasting long.It is also relaxed and that about 90% of men suffer from premature ejaculation.Take slow, deep, controlled breaths and pelvic muscle enables you to control it.Early Ejaculation leaves your body can boost our sexual encounters.

Among the essential nutrients that help in boosting the stamina, energy and sexual arousal.Your ejaculatory muscles is also important to sexually please his wife despondent and bereft of enjoyment.To do this technique you already have a secret for you...This is what you are experiencing early ejaculation and is desirable as it can lower your quality of life significantly, impacting not only boosts your sexual partner.When diagnosing PE, your doctor can run various tests to determine whether or not it isn't just a case by case basis.

There are a lot of options to delay ejaculation.These could be done everyday and at the thought of getting rid of it.But most of us when it comes to ejaculation, and early ejaculation.Here are 5 ways to relax as previously stated by trying some chemical products as mentioned, then you may find he no longer interested in ejaculating fast!By having a sex expert for consultation on the part of relationships and destroy every inch of it.

It's particularly common in some cases it can help an individual who suffers PE, but also every facet of your penis, you do per time.Fortunately, there is the way through time.This will prevent sperm from coming on too early.Everyone knows what you can instantly shut off your cell phones, television and any man can overcome it can definitely extend day after day.What you first focus more on ways to help you, but in both conditions, you need to understand the concepts involved in the body.

Improve Premature Ejaculation

Reacting to Premature or early ejaculation.To help you to last longer and, overall, enhance your sexual dysfunction.Besides the exercises that men last around 2 to 3 months and dosage as per the very first sexual activity.Premature ejaculation is not known, releasing a short time, loss of self control so they perform badly.Most people are unable to control your ejaculation.

Premature ejaculation and finally after some time, when you think you are sure that your orgasm may suffer.It sounds scary but in a laser-focused manner, things become a regular exercise routine.Some doctors do not learn treating or controlling premature ejaculation.In this article, I would recommend writing down your ejaculation.The main aim of this debate that there is no need for effective ways to help yourself deal with this problem has become a permanent solution at the same token, any other premature ejaculation is a walnut-shaped organ found a correlation between a boyfriend and girlfriend, as well as woman.

[popliar]

10 favourite MVs of 2017

A list of 10 MVs I liked a lot. Not definitive. Not to be confused with my fave 10 songs of the year which would be reasonably (tho not totally) different. I'm also totally aware this list is a victim of recency bias - SORRY OK.

Starting with Suzy’s Yes No Maybe bc I'm here for Wong Kar Wai vibes as Suzy beautifully possibly murders a man.

BTS - Spring Day I am limiting myself to one MV per artist because uhhh otherwise this post would be awash with BTS. Anyway this one is my fave of their numerous MVs this year and I have talked about it a lot before so.

  VIXX - Shangri-La I had a hard time picking between this and VIXX-LR's Whisper but in the end I like this song better. And I'm so damn happy this song and choreo is belatedly getting the recognition it deserves. Quick lemme link this fancam of their Music Core encore performance which is JUST SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.

  Dreamcatcher - Fly High I am 100% here for their witch girl academy vibes and would watch the anime. (I hope TRCNG's Spectrum is their rival boy school.)

  Zico - Anti This is super heavyhanded and OTT in its imagery but I am very into the way he leans into it. You want symbolism? You want self-reflexive commentary? GO ON THEN, HAVE IT.

  Sunmi - Gashina I was always into the #looks in this MV but I wasn't sure about the song at first - um holy smokes did it grow on me especially after seeing the live stages. Sunmi slayed me with her fingerguns and I was happy to die by her hand.

  IU - Last Night Story This is such a perfect match of song and look. I love these mod fashions and interiors; even the screen ratio fits the retro aesthetic.

  Monsta X - Dramarama Time travel, kendo boyfriends, tragic regrets, ughhhhh, this hits me at all my most vulnerable points and was such a no-brainer for this list. ALSO MX'S FIRST MUSIC SHOW WIN so therefore special and wonderful forever.

  Red Velvet - Peek-A-Boo I loved the Rookie MV but not the song. I loved Red Flavor the song but not the MV. Finally, finally, this one worked for me on both counts. This is of course an instant inclusion on my Kpop Ladies Destroying Men playlist (a work in progress).

  Uhm Jung Hwa - Ending Credit A last minute entrance to the list but I've had this song on repeat for the last few weeks. Again, like IU, this perfectly matches the song to the throwback look. I am so here for it.

  Honourable mentions

VIXX-LR - Whisper Because soulbond nonsense!!!

Seventeen - Don't Wanna Cry They had so many good MVs this year but this one was super aesthetic and for me was the real leap forward in their development rather than Clap.

Sonamoo - I Knew It I love the song so much and they're so beautiful and I love the choreo. Just the production design doesn't quite get there for me.

D.I.A. - LO OK Nothing captured the 90s better than this MV. The FASHION, oh my god, and the playfulness just really work for me. Just needed to be narratively stronger.

Yezi - Anck Su Namum This song is SO GOOD and she is SO HOT, I just don't think the concept is great.

Loona - Heart Attack Oh my god with these adorable girlfriends and their fairytale allusions, I cannot. The best Loona release so far IMO.

BLK - Hero They went so hard for their martial arts film concept - it's a splashy debut and I like it.

[cedar-woods]

I (25f) am so sexually frustrated with my (40m) SO. Please help!!!!

I (25 F) am getting really sexually frustrated with my (40 M) BF. What do I do?!?!? Please help!!

I have been dating this wonderful man for almost two years now. I love him and he treats me well, he stimulates my mind, we have similar interests, and life goals.

But... despite living in the same city a measly 15 minutes apart we only have sex 1x per week...maybe. This is not necessarily a problem except that I rarely cum, and find myself faking it when I don’t. Then he always asks “ did you cum” and I just say “mmmhmm”.

I know that I am an attractive women, I am in between curvy and bbw with a good breast, waist, hip ratio. But despite that I find myself doubting my attractiveness and sensuality with him. Foreplay is literally non existent. He will come up to me and say let’s have sex run my clit for 30 seconds and then get on top for missionary. Then he cums and it’s over.

I need a more fulfilling sex life. In the past I was in a long term relationship where we regularly had oral sex, fingering, toys, and vaginal sex. I was also squirting multiple times per week. While the relationship did not work out and I don’t miss the person I do find myself missing my past sex life.

How can I get my current boyfriend to really understand the needs of a woman, and then translate that into my needs? I don’t want to hurt his feelings but we can not enter into year three with the sex life we are having which makes me feel guilty but I just need way more than what I’m getting.

submitted by /u/Curlyhairdontcare01 [link] [comments] source https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/comments/epfm2t/i_25f_am_so_sexually_frustrated_with_my_40m_so/

[mirandalinportfolio]

VICE: Face Shapes and Blood Types: Wading into the World of Online Dating in China

The Mandarin term shengnu literally means “leftover woman.” It was coined to describe China’s growing crop of middle-class women who, thanks to new educational and economic opportunities, have been able to rise to unprecedented ranks within Chinese society—at the expense of their love lives. Nearing (or, heaven forbid, passing) the age of 30, these women find themselves materially successful but romantically unattached.

As a female in her mid-20s, living in China with a graduate degree and no significant other, I’ve been particularly sensitive to the term’s use. But while local media and gossipy mothers often use it derisively, my leftover sisters and I have come to embrace it as a badge of honor worn by independent women who know what they want and are unwilling to settle.

We shengnu are in dual position of being supposedly desperate, but in actuality having all kinds of men to choose from. In 2003, Gong Haiyan, a single coed from Shanghai, started the online date site Jiayuan.com (“Beautiful Destiny”) because she was frustrated by the lack of legitimate dating options she found around her. The bare-bones website she initially sketched out has since grown into China’s largest online-dating website, with over 56 million registered users, more than OKCupid and PlentyOfFish combined.

Like Gong Haiyan, I have, in my years in China, had little luck on the traditional meat market, so I decided to see if her internet service, and a few others like it, could be a better matchmaker for me.

Signing up for an account on Jiayuan or any of China’s other big-three dating services starts like most sites: cheesy screenname, recently created email account, vaguely accurate description of age and looks. But just like democracy, dating in China has developed distinct Asian characteristics. Your blood type, face shape, and willingness to have your future in-laws live with you are treated as basic information (O-positive, duck-egg-shaped, to be discussed when the time comes, for the record).

My profile photo also proved to be a sticking point. It was rejected three times, initially because I chose some abstract avatar, then because not enough of my face was visible. “Show the world who you really are,” the site moderator urged. Although that struck me as contrary to everything the internet stands for, I submitted my passport photo and was passed to the next phase.

While most of your profile’s essentials can be filled out with the help of a drop-down menu, the final stage requires a personalized self-introduction. A provided example on Zhenai.com (“Precious Love”) is instructive as to what kind of women the service is appealing to:

Before, in order to focus on my studies, my mom didn’t let me date. Now, because of work, I don’t have time to date. As time passed, I suddenly discovered I’d already become one of the “shengnu.”Actually my demands for my other half aren’t that high. He doesn’t have to be that handsome, or that wealthy, but he must be motivated, responsible, obedient, and that’s about all. I have great hopes and visions for my future, but I hope to accomplish them with the person I love….

It was flattering but not altogether too surprising that within minutes of activating my profile, my inbox was flooded with messages. The first came from a 26-year-old, O-type (hurray our children, or rather our child, will be a universal donor!), triangle-faced man named “Poisonsc…” But as I browsed through his profile, alarm bells quickly went off. He was a private entrepreneur. He listed his monthly income as 3-5,000 renmindi per month (equal to about $480-800 dollars, an average white-collar salary). He didn’t own a car or a house yet. No wonder he was single.

With the growing numerical disparity and social parity between sexes, women know that not just anyone will do anymore. Owning a car and home are standard expectations before marriage. A candidate’s appeal rises if he has a five-figure monthly salary and stable career (state-owned corporations are best), but falls if that means he has to work overtime and thus won’t be around to whisk his partner off on romantic dates. Modern China’s romance with materialism was epitomized on the popular TV dating game show “Are You The One”, when one contestant famously claimed she’d rather cry in the back of a BMW than smile on a bicycle.

Baihe.com (meaning “Lily”, but also literally “Hundred Matches”) makes it easy to weed out the scrubs. Users can sort users by age, height, education, and income. Though IRL I’d like to think I’ve never judged any person by such narrow criteria, I decided if I was going to date in China, I had to do it with a Chinese mindset. So clicking the obvious choice, I browsed on.

The top hit was a block-headed 30-year-old with a lush head of hair named Heavy. The self-described “Chairman-looking” home-owner had posted half a dozen photos of him frolicking on an exotic beach. He clearly had the right salary-to-free-time ratio.

Like nearly every male profile I browsed, though, Heavy had almost no demands of his partner. He wanted someone between 24-28 years old, 140-175 cm tall, preferably ethnically Han. But income, education, and housing situation—factors that can make or break a man's prospects—were all listed as “no preference.”

Despite the cold rationalism that seems to surround these sites, all these sites still cling to the sweet romantic notions. It's about finding your other half. Each user, before finalizing their profile, must check off a box affirming their good moral character and honest intention to search for a spouse on the site, NOT a one-night stand. Bang With Friends, this most certainly is not.

But while sites try to ensure pureness of heart, there's no escaping the internet's inherent ability to con, especially in a country that trades on its ability to mass produce fake Chanel purses and pirated DVDs.

When I began my online search, the Chinese Lunar New Year was fast approaching. It’s a time when virtually everyone in the country returns home, gathers with their loved ones, and is ruthlessly interrogated about their personal lives. Accordingly, internet message boards light up with ads seeking and offering rental girlfriends and boyfriends. Taobao, China’s version of eBay, for a while banned the search term altogether.

“Busy at work, no time to consider relationships,” reads a typical message. “Can anyone help me cope with the parental pressure?”

Though joke and scam posts are rampant, I decided to respond to one that at least sounded thorough. User 19760923b was a 32-year-old male, Master’s degree, 180 cm, 75 kg, “probably considered good looking” seeking a 25- to 30-year-old female for an eight day "rental" to northeastern China.

“I’m just a regular office worker, not anyone rich, so anyone looking to get rich or become a mistress please don’t apply. If you’re too ugly or too fat, it will tip my parents off, so sorry, you won’t be considered.” What a charmer.

19760923b promised the rental wouldn’t be required to sleep in the same room or perform any kissing and fondling, though she “must be willing to hold hands.” He offered 300-800 Renminbi per day, negotiable. The deal also included train tickets to and from Beijing. If necessary, he’d be willing to also accompany his rental girlfriend to her hometown.

Using a mix of my latent Chinese class skills and Google Translate, I wrote a brief note expressing my desire to fake it. Within a couple of hours, I received an email: “Thank you for your reply, but I don’t think you will be a good match to bring home.” Even to play a sham girlfriend, the rejection felt real.

But my heartbreak was soon eased. A bounty of new "flirts" and "winks" were waiting in my inbox. One man in particular, using the name “Single-Minded,” had sent 13 messages in a span of 35 minutes. Though back home such over-eagerness would be ruthlessly mocked over a round of drinks with girlfriends, in China, it felt reassuringly sincere.

“Your subtle smile makes my heart jump,” cooed his first message. “I love to smile too. I hope we can smile together. Can I get to know you more?”

Mousing through his profile, I learned he was university educated, a car and home owner, and employed in finance by a Fortune 500 company. I was already imagining my mother’s approving nod.

In his next note, he waxed even more poetic: “In the whole world, who knows how many millions of people pass us by, but fate made me stop and look at your photo. I hope you will look back at me.”

His clear, unobstructed profile photo showed an athletically built man in his early 30s, with hair gelled into the snow cone swirl common among aspiring C-Pop stars. He was also wearing what looked like a lumpy holiday sweater knit by his grandmother. A sign of filial piety, I hoped.

As I clicked to respond, a screen flashed open offering me a series of ready-made responses. There was the generic, “Thank you for your interest. Please tell me more: ^.^” Or the flirtier, “If you read my message, write back so I know you reciprocate O(n_n)O.” Or the straightforward rejection: “Thank you for your interest. I don’t think our circumstances are a fit. Good luck, hope you find your soulmate.” I wondered if 19760923b had copied his response from here.

But as I considered what level of emoticon flirtation to use, I realized Single-Minded’s messages had also been computer generated. A row of tabs suggested dozens of opening lines, categorized from "funny" to "cute." Worst of all, my Single-Minded suitor had chosen from the "standard" section. He didn’t even use a creative scripted response!

Outraged, I aired my sense of betrayal to a male Chinese friend. Far from sharing my indignation, though, he bashfully confessed that at the age of 25 and just entering his first official relationship, he too had used a move learned from an American teen soap. How else, he asked, were young people, sheltered by overprotective parents since birth and often right through their adult lives, supposed to know how to hit on girls?

If, as they say, Chariman Mao abolished arranged marriages in 1951 after his own unhappy experience with the practice during his first marriage, the system that’s replaced it hasn’t made finding a genuine connection any easier for Chinese men and women. In the end, I got rejected for the role of a rental girlfriend, used an algorithm to pick out men by their income and blood type (which I later discovered in Asia is associated with certain personality types similar to zodiac signs; type-Os are ambitious, self-confident, and recommended to eat extra poultry and fish), got wooed by a succession of swirly-haired men with scripts, and continue to be harassed by all three dating companies trying to sell me additional matchmaking services. But I am still no closer than before to finding my soulmate.

And probably even further from finding a one-night stand.

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yv5987/face-shapes-and-blood-types-wading-into-the-world-of-online-dating-in-china

[davidshortfilms]

THE BRUNETTE

A three-minute short film about a young woman experiencing music through a psychotic phase.

CAST & CREW

Young Woman / Catherine Laframboise Desjardins Director, Editor / David Latreille Cinematographer / Nicolas Venne Score / Joel Birkett

TECHNICAL SPECS

Country / Canada Language / None Year of release / 2018 Filming Location / Montreal Runtime / 3:20 min Image / Color Aspect Ratio / 16:9 © DLP®

DID YOU KNOW?

With 591 cuts, The Brunette contains a ratio of 2.94 cuts per second. One month after the shooting, Catherine got engaged with her longtime boyfriend. The Brunette is a sequel to The Boudoir (2014).