#briar baggins

[thistle-and-thorns]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Hobbit - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Kíli, Female Bilbo Baggins/Kili Characters: Briar Baggins/Kili, Bilbo Baggins, Kíli (Tolkien), Dwalin (Tolkien), Original Hobbit Character(s), original dwarven characters Additional Tags: Fluff, pure spun sugar, seriously its so sweet, Flower crowns and hand kisses, Battle of Five Armies - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Post-Battle of Five Armies Summary:

“Briar!” Kili’s grin was wider than she’d ever seen, “Look! They’re all so little.”

“I can see that,” she said with a chuckle. “Do you have enough crowns, Prince Kili?”

[archivingfanfiction]

The Color of Blackberries

by talkfast

Briar Baggins was a disappointment to those in the Shire who once expected that she would become someone exceptional. She was difficult to coax from her study, often withdrawing into books about lands far beyond their green, rolling hills.

It came as a surprise when Briar accepted an invitation from her cousin to visit Bucklebury, and returned some time later with a baby in her arms. A baby that malicious gossips insisted had been seen wearing tiny socks, of all things!

No doubt things would settle down again after that bit of excitement.

A proper gentlehobbit would not chase after adventure well into her middle age, after all.

------

An adorable fem!Bilbo thilbo fic. Just what I wanted. It's so sweet, a lovely sprinkle of angst, adorable dwobbits... love it love it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/51588046/chapters/130392448

[best-bff-brawl]

Alright, guys, I have the template right here. I am planning on beginning the polls as quickly as possible, also credits to @/ mad-scientist-showdown for the original template.

You can still submit propaganda for any of these characters, (a few of em still have none :< )

Characters below the cut

Batch A...

Ash and Pikachu Vs Prompto Argentum and Noctis Lucis Caelum (Final Fantasy XV)

Tatsuhisa Kamijo and Yuga Ohdo Vs Nabu and Riven (Winx Club)

Iruma Suzuki, Asmodeus Alice and Clara Valac (Welcome to the Demon School! Iruma-Kun) Vs Rowley Jefferson and Greg Heffley (Diary of a Wimpy kid)

Buhdeuce and SwaySway(BreadWinners) Vs Riz Gukgak and Fabian Aramaris Seacaster (Dimension 20's Fantasy High)

Gus and Hunter (The Owl House) Vs Kiri Sully and Spider Socorro (Avatar: The Way of Water)

Ashlynn Ella and Briar Beauty (Ever after high) Vs Scott McCall and Stiles Stilinksi (Teen Wolf)

Andre and Tori(Victorious) Vs Hailey Banks and Scott Denoga(Hailey's On it)

Alexa and Liana (Barbie and The Diamond Castle) Vs Longtae and Tian (A tale of 1000 stars)

Batch B...

Maya and Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney) Vs Anne Boonchuy and Sprig Plantar (Amphibia)

Stan and Ford (Gravity Falls) Vs Jack and Legosi (Beastars)

Mercedes and Anette(Fireemblem) Vs Phineas and Ferb

Flynn and Julie (Julie and the Phantoms) Vs Mei and MK (Lego Monkie Kid)

Mario and Luigi (Super Mario) Vs Spongebob and Patrick

Kaede Akamatsu and Shuichi Saihara (Danganronpa V3) Vs Mordecai and Rigby (Regular show)

Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins (Lord of the Rings) Vs Pete and Porsche (Kinnporsche: The series)

Wayne and Raj (TD) Vs Ink and Pat (Bad Buddy)

Batch C...

Lilo and Stitch (Lilo and Stitch) Vs Sakura Kinomoto and Tomoyo Daidouji (Card Captor Sakura)

Noel Levile and Claire Elford (Witch's heart) Vs Kipo and Wolf (Kipo and the age of Wonderbeasts)

Cuphead and Mugman Vs William "Bill" S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan (Bill and Ted's excellent adventure)

Candace Flynn and Stacy Hirano (Phineas and Ferb) Vs Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi (Haikyuu!)

Johnny Test and Dukey (Johnny Test!) Vs Ken and Hideyoshi (Tokyo Ghoul)

Magolor and Marx Vs Ja'far and Sinbad

Ponyboy Curtis and Johnny Cade (The Outsiders) Vs Valt Aoi and Shu Kurenia (Beyblade Burst)

Sonic and Miles (Tails) Prower Vs Dr. Doofinshmirtz and Perry The Platypus (Phineas and Ferb)

Batch D....

Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Alya Cesaire (Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and ChatNoir) Vs Anakin Skywalker and R2D2 (StarWars)

Sam Puckett and Carly Shay (iCarly) Vs Joe Tazuna and Sara Chidouin

Sogo and Geiz (Karmen Rider) Vs Molly and Scratch (The Ghost and Molly McGee)

Glimmer and Bow(Shera-Princess of Power) Vs Ed Burger and Isabel Guerra (Paranatural)

Robin Buckley and Steve Harrington (Stranger things) Vs Bandana Dee and Kirby (Kirby)

Yami Yugi and Joey Wheeler (Yu-Gi-Oh) Vs Hurley Kane and Darren Lachance (Inazuma Eleven)

Red and Blue (Pokèmon) Vs Tiw and Tinn (My school President)

Jem and Will (Shadowhunters: The infernal devices) Vs Tiana and Charlotte (Princess and the frog)

[somethingeden]

Book help - Series + Characters and Love Tropes

[Firstly, here is post for the fandoms]

Hello, I am a writer on Wattpad and I am trying to think of a story. I do get writer's block so I have old books but I am to lazy to rewrite them. Okay so I have a few ideas but may you use about a minute to vote or even give me suggestions, it would be appreciated! I could also do a cross over.

Series and the characters that I am considering of doing is (I am also okay with character x character and oc x oc:

Narnia (Edmund Pevensie/Peter Pevensie/Caspian X/Lucy Pevensie/Susan Pevensie/Aslan/Eustace Scrubb)

MCU (Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers/Wanda Maximoff/Peter Parker/Harley Keener/Hope Lang/Scott Lang/Same Wilson/Natasha Romanoff/Pietro Maximoff/Tony Stark/Thor/Loki/Stephen Strange/Wade Wilson/Peter Quill)

Harry Potter (Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy/Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger/Luna Lovegood/Neville Longbottom/Blaise Zabini/Pansy Parkinson/Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/Bellatrix Lestrange/Ginny Weasley/Fred Weasley/George Weasley/Bill Weasley/Charlie Weasley/Cedric Diggory/Tom Riddle/Mattheo Riddle)

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (Albus Potter/James Potter II/Rose Granger-Weasley/Scorpius Malfoy/Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter/Hermione Granger/Ted Lupin)

Marauders (James Potter/Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/Bellatrix Black/Marlene Mckinnon/Mary Mcdonald/Dorcas Meadows)

Doctor Who (9th Doctor/Jack Harkness/10th Doctor/Donna Noble/11th Doctor/Amy Pond/Clara Oswin Oswald/12th Doctor/13th Doctor/Yasmin Khan/Ryan Sinclair/14th Doctor/Donna Noble/Rose Noble)

Heartstopper (Ben Hope/Harry Greene/Imogen Heaney/David Nelson)

Grease (Danny Zuko/Sandy Olsson/Kenickie Murdock/Leo Balmudo)

Disney (Ariel/Maleficent/Briar Rose/Ursula/Prince Eric)

Greek Mythology (Medusa/Hades/Poseidon/Apollo/Ares/Hermes/Demeter)

The Mortal Instruments [I haven't read all the books] (Jace Wayland-Herondale.../Alec Lightwood/Raphael Santiago/Isabelle Lightwood/Magnus Bane/Jonathan Morgenstern/Maia Roberts/Jordan Kyle)

Percy Jackson [I sadly don't have the books but I am going to base it off the tv series that'll come out next month] (Percy Jackson/Annabeth Chase/Grover Underwood/Luke Castellan/Ares/Poseidon/Hades/Clarisse La Rue/Medusa/Hermes/Hephaestus)

Enola Holmes 1 and 2 (Enola Holmes/Tewksbury/Sherlock Holmes/Mycroft Holmes)

Jurassic Park (Ian Malcolm/Alan Grant)

Jurassic World (Own Grady/Zach Mitchell/Maisie Lockwood/Gray Mitchell/Ian Malcolm/Alan Grant)

Little Women (Theodore Laurence)

Lord of the Rings (Frodo Baggins/Legolas Greenleaf/Aragorn/Eomer/Faramir)

The Hobbit (Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield/Kili Oakenshield/Fili Oakenshield/Thranduil Greenleaf/Bard/Legolas Greenleaf)

Uncharted (Nathan Drake/Victor Sullivan/Chloe Frazer)

Supernatural (Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester/Jack Kline/Claire Novak)

Mamma Mia 1 and 2 (Sam Carmichael/Harry Bright/Bill Anderson/Sky)

Love tropes:

Enemies to Lovers

Friends to Lovers

Forbidden Love

Secret Identity/Billionaire/Royal

Best friend's Brother/Sister

Second Chance

Soulmates

Fake Relationships to Lovers

Wedding – Runaway Bride/Runaway Groom/Jilted/Arranged Marriage

Strangers to Lovers

Amnesia/Mistaken Identity

Holiday Romance/Flings (Can lead to a baby)

Already Together

Hero x Villain

Sworn off Relationships

Opposites Attract

Secret Baby

Two Person Love Triangle (Mistaken Identity)

Reunited

Fairy Tale Retelling

Bet

Blind Date

and more...

[boundlss]

here is actually a helpful guide for you. heres all my muses in order of how easy it is for me to write them

easiest --- i can write these muses anytime no matter what kind of mood i'm in, so i'm happy to write or plot with them at any time: shirogane kei, louis james moriarty, roland fortis, all of love, niccolo carpediem, tsukishima kei, daishou suguru, bokuto koutarou, cahir aep ceallach, shang qinghua, legolas, kaito, no. 44, mark twain, yemevon, luminous, tempest, cyran azerrad kapral.

neutral --- i have to be in a particular mood to write these muses, but they come easily to me still even though i might need a good bit to get into the swing of things: minagawa kanami, yuri briar, abe no hirari, kumo baren, momochi ako, belkia, oikawa tooru, kozume kenma, terushima yuuji, iwaizumi hajime, futakuchi kenji, haiba lev, shimizu kiyoko, isengrim faoiltiarna, dandelion, vernon roche, remus lupin, peregrin took, samwise gamgee, boromir, eomer, kili, bilbo baggins, kamishiro rui, parsifal brenndraugr, orion clemens, henry clemens, benjamin clemens, pleasant clemens, pamela clemens, margaret clemens, feliks aasmae, zoruk, eliarin

hardest --- i have to be in a very specific mood and mindset to write these muses. it strikes very rarely so replies with them take the longest: elrond, ouma kokichi, camille renaudin

if a muse is not on here it is bcus i literally have not written them enough to know where they fit

[noriseyebrow]

Share ten different favourite characters from ten different pieces of media, in no particular order, then tag/send to ten people (anon or not). Tagged by @marastarfar

I don't really know anyone to tag on here so I'll just share these here for fun. 1. Frodo Baggins from Lord of the Rings 2. Sir Gwaine from BBC Merlin 3. Adam from The Raven Cycle 4. Briar from The Circle of Magic 5. Mr Mistoffelees from Cats 6. Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer 7. Beleg Strongbow from The Silmarillion 8. Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf 9.Dean Winchester from Supernatural 10. Bucky Barnes from Captain America Also going to give a shoutout to Ben Hanscom from Stephen King's It because I have never related to a character more lol

[kai-selfships]

⭐️Kai’s f/o list⭐️

This is in no particular order, just sort of sorted lol

If their name is bolded, it means I am kind of uncomfortable sharing srry

Romantic

🎇Boone (Twisters) he/him

🔵Javi Rivera (Twisters) he/him)

🧡Cole (LEGO Ninjago) He/him

🧶Red Guy (Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared) he/him

🚀Rocket Raccoon (Guardians of the Galaxy) he/him

🪨Drax the Destroyer (Guardians of the Galaxy) he/him

💫Howl Pendragon (Howl’s moving castle) he/him

🩸Dean Winchester (Supernatural) he/him

🐯 Kotetsu T. Kaburagi (Tiger and Bunny) he/him

🔪Diego Hargreeves (The Umbrella Academy) he/him

🎲 Nate River (Death Note) he/him

🎹 Johnny (Sing) he/him

🩺Joshua Strongbear Sweet (Atlantis: the lost empire) he/him

🚬Manny Kim (Bastard) he/him

🥘John Silver (Treasure Planet) he/him

📟Noah Diaz (Transformers: rise of the beasts) he/him

🚙Mirage (Transformers: rise of the beasts) he/him

💭Bee (Transformers) he/him

🏴‍☠️Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean) he/him

🎡Tobias Eaton (Divergent) he/him

📜Elliot Farmer (Stardew Valley) he/him

🤖Cyborg (Teen Titans) he/him

🪡Izumi Miyamura (Horimiya) he/him

🙏🏼Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist: brotherhood and manga) he/him

🎪 Crispin Wizard (Bee and Puppycat) he/him

✂️Edward Scissorhands (Edward Scissorhands) he/it

🌀Shuichi Saito (Uzumaki) he/him

💧Haruka Nanase (Free!) he/him

🐠Makoto Tachibana (Free!) he/him

Platonic

🦷Duck (don’t hug me I’m scared) he/him

🌀Kirie Goshima (Uzumaki) all, they/them pref

🛩️Lily (Twisters) she/her

🍕Kate Carter (Twisters) she/her

🤠Dani

👓Dexter

🌳Groot Sr. (Guardians of the Galaxy) he/him

🛸Peter Quill (Guardians of the Galaxy) he/him

🐛Mantis (Guardians of the Galaxy) she/her

💙Nebula (Guardians of the Galaxy) she/he

💚Gamora (Guardians of the Galaxy) she/he/they

🏹Kraglin Obfonteri (Guardians of the Galaxy) he/him

🛰️Cosmo the Space-Dog (Guardians of the Galaxy) she/he

⚒️Jin Seon (Bastard) he/him

💝Kyun Yoon (Bastard) she/her

🔥Kai Jiang (LEGO Ninjago) he/him

🌊Nya Jiang (LEGO Ninjago) she/they

⚡️Jay Walker (LEGO Ninjago) she/he/they

❄️Zane Julien (LEGO Ninjago) ai/he [this one is kind of weird because he’s also my ex-boyfriend]

💜Pixal Borg (Ninjago) no pronouns

💍Bilbo Baggins (The Hobbit) he/him

🎆Porsha Crystal (Sing) she/her

🎭Sal Fisher (Sally Face) he/him

🐺Hunter Deamonne (The Owl House) he/him

🐍Luz Noceda (The Owl House) he/him

🌿Willow Park (The Owl House) they/them

🪞Gus Porter (The Owl House) he/him

🌷Sayu Yagami (Death Note) she/her

🧁L (Death Note) he/him

🥀 Misa Amane (Death Note) she/her

🪴Luther Hargreeves (the umbrella academy) he/him

🎻Viktor Hargreeves (the umbrella academy) he/him

🦈 Rin Matsuoka (Free!) he/him

Familial

🐝Yellow (don’t hug me I’m scared) he/they - like my kid

🍃Lily (don’t hug me I’m scared) she/her - niece adjacent

🍂Todney (don’t hug me I’m scared) he/him - nephew adjacent

🌱Groot jr (Guardians of the Galaxy franchise) no pronouns/just say “Groot” - child

👻Morro Wu (LEGO Ninjago) she/her -annoying little sister

🐉Lloyd Garmadon (LEGO Ninjago) they/them - little baby sibling

Crushes

🌪️Dexter (Twisters) he/him

🏹Yondu Udonta (Guardians of the Galaxy) he/him

🛞Mel Sumouski (Clarence) he/him

🔱King Triton (the Little Mermaid 2023) he/him

❣️Touta Matsuda (Death Note) he/him

📝Kanzo Mogi (Death Note) he/him

🐋Yamazaki Sousuke (Free! Iwatobi Swim Club) he/him

⛵️Ronin (Ninjago) he/him

❌Scar (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood) he/him

🐻Sig Curtis (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood) he/him

🐊Captain Buccaneer (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood) he/him

Pets/animal friends

🐲Briar (dragon) he/him

🦴Pinky (Chihuahua) he/him

🪸Tellaro (Octopus) she/her

[ao3feed-tolkien]

The Road goes ever on and on

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/Zd3pKP1

by Mama_N4856

Briar-Rose Baggins is desperate to escape a pending marriage of convenience that would allow her to keep Bag End but would keep her from ever being able to marry and love her soulmate. She bares a Soul-mark and has always dreamed of finding her soul-match.

Gandalf arrives at just the right moment with an offer of an adventure and a way out of the Shire. An offer that Bri gladly accepts, though she does so in secret to keep the Elders from stopping her. She makes plans to never return to Hobbiton even though she has no idea what lies ahead.

Little did she know that this choice would change her life both for the better and the worse. Is she brave enough to follow in the path set before her or will that path even be changed as she faces the Road outside her door...

After all...

The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can, Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way, Where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say...

Words: 3513, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, Gen, M/M

Characters: Fíli (Tolkien), Kíli (Tolkien), Thorin Oakenshield, Thorin's Company, Dwalin (Tolkien), Balin (Tolkien), Bombur (Tolkien), Bifur (Tolkien), Bofur (Tolkien), Glóin (Tolkien), Óin (Tolkien), Gandalf | Mithrandir, Nori (Tolkien), Ori (Tolkien), Dori (Tolkien), Elrond Peredhel, Bard the Bowman, Bard the Bowman's Children, Thranduil (Tolkien), Legolas Greenleaf, Tauriel (Hobbit Movies), Beorn (Tolkien), Azog (Tolkien), Hobbit(s), Dwarf | Dwarves, Original Characters

Additional Tags: Female Bilbo Baggins, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Victorian Flower Language, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Dwarf Courting, Hobbit Culture & Customs, BAMF Bilbo Baggins, Bilbo is Briar-Rose, fembilbo, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Bilbo Is A Little Shit, Not Beta Read, Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Soulmate-Identifying Marks

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/Zd3pKP1

[ao3feed-thehobbit]

The Road goes ever on and on

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/yKwzWZS

by Mama_N4856

Briar-Rose Baggins is desperate to escape a pending marriage of convenience that would allow her to keep Bag End but would keep her from ever being able to marry and love her soulmate. She bares a Soul-mark and has always dreamed of finding her soul-match.

Gandalf arrives at just the right moment with an offer of an adventure and a way out of the Shire. An offer that Bri gladly accepts, though she does so in secret to keep the Elders from stopping her. She makes plans to never return to Hobbiton even though she has no idea what lies ahead.

Little did she know that this choice would change her life both for the better and the worse. Is she brave enough to follow in the path set before her or will that path even be changed as she faces the Road outside her door...

After all...

The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can, Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way, Where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say...

Words: 3513, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, Gen, M/M

Characters: Fíli (Tolkien), Kíli (Tolkien), Thorin Oakenshield, Thorin's Company, Dwalin (Tolkien), Balin (Tolkien), Bombur (Tolkien), Bifur (Tolkien), Bofur (Tolkien), Glóin (Tolkien), Óin (Tolkien), Gandalf | Mithrandir, Nori (Tolkien), Ori (Tolkien), Dori (Tolkien), Elrond Peredhel, Bard the Bowman, Bard the Bowman's Children, Thranduil (Tolkien), Legolas Greenleaf, Tauriel (Hobbit Movies), Beorn (Tolkien), Azog (Tolkien), Hobbit(s), Dwarf | Dwarves, Original Characters

Additional Tags: Female Bilbo Baggins, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Victorian Flower Language, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Dwarf Courting, Hobbit Culture & Customs, BAMF Bilbo Baggins, Bilbo is Briar-Rose, fembilbo, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Bilbo Is A Little Shit, Not Beta Read, Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Soulmate-Identifying Marks

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/yKwzWZS

[fromtheboundlesssea]

Family of Choice Chapters 37-39

Fíli VIII

Thorin VIII

Kíli VIII

[emeraldskulblaka]

"Now and For Always" - Lines & Lyrics in the LotR Musical

"Now and For Always", Sam and Frodo's beautiful duet, is one of the most popular & touching songs in the show. The two of them reminisce about evenings spent around the fire back home in the Shire, the nature of Hobbits, and their deep friendship and love for each other.

Stories we tell will cast their spell

Now and for always

These lyrics take on an even deeper meaning now that Peter Howe, who originated the role of Sam in Toronto and London, passed away last month. May he rest in peace.

Lines and lyrics as performed in the West End version below the cut; it's a little different from the Toronto version in this clip.

This is my own transcript of the scene, not the official script.

A deserted place close to Mordor. FRODO, SAM and GOLLUM climb into view. The Hobbits are wearing their Elven cloaks. FRODO is more weary than before. GOLLUM points.

GOLLUM: There! There it is. Mount Doom.

SAM: Look at it, the way it lights up the sky - it reminds me of one of Mr Gandalf’s fireworks. Do you miss him?

FRODO: I miss his bushy eyebrows and his quick temper. And his voice. How far away are we, Sam?

SAM: Three days. Maybe four if we get all the cover we can.

FRODO: So close. 

SAM: (sitting down and unpacking his bag) Come on. Let’s eat something to keep our spirits up.

GOLLUM turns to the Hobbits and signals for them to follow him.

GOLLUM: Keep moving. Come. Come!

SAM: (to FRODO) No, no.

GOLLUM: (angry) Come!

SAM: (to GOLLUM) Wait! (to FRODO) You’re going to eat something, Frodo Baggins, before we take another step.

GOLLUM freezes and turns, hit by a sudden realisation.

GOLLUM: …Baggins? No no, not Baggins!

SAM: And then we’ll walk South to those… doomy fires, whatever they’re called so we’ll have this over with and get back to the Shire and how things used to be before we ever heard of magic rings and the like… (spotting something in his bag) Here, look. (he gets up and approaches FRODO) Lady Galadriel gave me this. It’s a box of earth from her orchard. She said it might reward us when we get home.

FRODO: I don’t know if things will ever be how they used to be, Sam. It’s something Lady Galadriel said in Lothlórien, and something she wouldn’t tell me. But I’ve worked it out. Remember when we left the Shire? We met those Elves heading West.

SAM: How could I forget?

FRODO: They were leaving, Sam. Soon they all will. If Sauron gets the One Ring again -

SAM: He won’t. We’re going to make sure he doesn’t.

FRODO: Whether we do or not, the Elves will still leave. Gandalf said it. If the One Ring goes, then all rings lose their power. You see, Lady Galadriel’s ring is what protects Lothlórien, it protects their home. Without it, there will be no more Elves, no more magic - anywhere.

SAM: No more Elves? That’ll change everything. 

SAM returns to his bag and sits.

SAM: You know the stories in the old songs and tales, the ones we used to sing around the big fire at the Ivy Bush. Who knows? People went on journeys and they had big adventures, but nothing ever really seemed to change/changed, did it? Not like this. You know, the trouble is, we Hobbits only really like stories that end up just the way they started, don’t we?

SAM: Sing me a story of heroes of the Shire,

Muddling through,

Brave and true.

Stubborn as bindweed and tough as old briar,

Never too showy or grand.

Year after year

They persevere

Now and for always.

FRODO takes off his hood and settles down beside SAM.

Harfoots who planted and Stoor folk who ploughed,

Bred to endure,

Slow but sure.

Fallohide blood in your veins makes you proud,

Sturdy and steady they stand.

True to their aim

To stay the same

Now and for always.

BOTH: Sit by the firelight’s glow.

Tell us an old tale we know.

Tell us of adventures strange and rare –

Never to change

Ever to share

Stories we tell will cast their spell

Now and for always.

FRODO: You know, I used to think the great adventures in the old songs and tales were things special folk went out looking for. But they weren’t, were they? They were just things they got landed in.

SAM: I wonder what kind of story we’ve landed in.

Sing me the story of Frodo and the Ring.

Fearless and bold.

FRODO: (laughing) Tired and cold.

SAM: Sword at his side, an Elf-blade called Sting,

Crossing a mis’rable land.

Wouldn’t retreat

Just followed his feet

Now and for always.

BOTH: Sit by the firelight’s glow.

Tell us an old tale we know.

Tell of adventures strange and rare –

Never to change

Ever to share

Stories we tell will cast their spell

Now and for always.

SAM: I wish Gollum was in a tale, eh?

FRODO: He might be good in a tale.  

SAM: Better than he is in real life, anyway. A good deal less smelly. (laughs)

FRODO: Oh, for a piece of Mrs Bracegirdle’s plumcake.

SAM: Mrs Bracegirdle.

They share a laugh.

FRODO: They’re all so far away. (after a moment) It’s not me they’ll remember, you know? (getting no response) Sam?

SAM has fallen asleep.

FRODO: Sing me the tale of the bravest of them all.

Comrade and guide

At my side.

Stout-hearted Sam who wouldn’t let me fall,

Holding my life in his hand.

True to the end,

No finer friend.

Now and for always.

Sit by the firelight’s glow.

Tell us an old tale we know.

Tell of adventures strange and rare

Never to change

Ever to share

Stories we tell will cast their spell

Now and for – 

FRODO, too, falls asleep.

GOLLUM: - always.

[isauntervaguelydownwards]

LassieLowrider: Febuwhump 2022 masterpost

Day 1 - "headwound"

under the mountain (the cold is there)

“What happened?” Bilbo finally gathered breath to say, pain shooting through her as she took a too-deep breath.

or: Bilbo is attacked, and then she’s in the healing halls. Dwalin decides to guard her, which no one is opposed to.

The Hobbit: Fem!Bilbo Baggins/Dwalin.

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Day 2 - "failed rescue attempt"

knock-off knock out gas (is bad for clarity of thought)

The best plan Tony had so far figured out how to orchestrate an escape - that he’d be able to disguise as having just come off a five-day bender - involved one of the henchmen being more incompetent than usual, thus dropping a screwdriver within Tony’s reach, access to a security camera (doable through the ceiling), and fifteen minutes unsupervised cell time (he usually had five-minute stretches).

Marvel CMU/The Avengers: Tony Stark/Natasha Romanov (Iron Widow)

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Day 3 - "blood loss"

an unpleasant feeling (drowning on dry land)

Harry has been taken captive by Death Eaters, but they’re very good at doing the same thing over and over again. How come they never make up any new torture regimen, by the way? Not that he’d like to be tortured, but stagnation isn’t fun (less so when it happens in a cell).

Harry Potter: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy (pre-relationship)

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Day 4 - "nightmares"

under the mountain (sleep will come)

In the healing halls behind him, Bilbo Baggins lay sleeping, the hobbitess recuperating from being attacked from behind by a band of cowardly dwarrow. During the journey that had spanned half of the world, during which he had at first thought she wouldn’t be more than a nuisance the whole way – something he was quickly proven wrong about. She was clever, kind and courageous. Above all, he found her selfless, in a way they as dwarrow had rarely seen.

or: Bilbo wakes up, tells Dwalin some hard truths, and maybe there will be a happy ending after all.

The Hobbit: Fem!Bilbo Baggins/Dwalin

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Day 5 - "let me see"

life too short (to keep love a secret)

She was desperately fighting back tears as she strode down the hospital corridor, simultaneously glad and displeased that the Sainte Marie practice wasn’t bigger. She was preparing to see her boss in a hospital bed, yes, but that he was also the man she loved – well, while he may not know that, it didn’t mean it wouldn’t be difficult for her to see him injured.

Death In Paradise: Camille Bordey/Richard Poole

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Day 6 - "hypothermia"

the rapid river (will drag you away)

Without thinking, Thorin took a step towards her, hand outstretched. As she flinched away, a dull cracking noise was heard, and he whimsically thought it was the sound of his heart breaking made audible before realisation struck.

Beneath their feet, the ice gave way, and the river swallowed Thorin Oakenshield and Billa Baggins into its inky depths.

The Hobbit: Fem!Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield

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Day 7 - "buried alive" (alt prompt #1)

gravedirt (streaked on faces)

It wasn’t so bad, being buried, Jon felt. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing, of course, feeling the ground – the dirt the rocks the fucking worms – pressing onto him, but it could be worse.

The Magnus Archives: Jonathan "The Archivist" Sims/Martin Blackwood

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Day 8 - "no anaeasthesia"

the dungeon cold (darkness ever present)

”I don’t like the look of this,” Óin said, calloused hand gentle on her back. No matter how gentle he was, the touch sent burning flashes of pain through her entire body. “I don’t like it at all.”

“I don’t like the feelof it,” she hissed out, breathless from the pain. Briar kept her eyes locked on the wall opposite the cell door, desperately trying to distract herself away from Óin’s ministrations – when it didn’t help even to recount flower language, that’s when she knew things were bad.

The Hobbit: Fem!Bilbo Baggins/Bofur

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Day 9 - "kidnapped"

like a vine (primed to grow thorns)

She tried to glare, but it wasn’t the same when her head was covered in a bag. She assumed it was a bag, it didn’t feel like it was wrapped around her like a piece of cloth would have been. She also knew she was just trying to keep her mind occupied by something – anything – that wasn’t the fact that she had apparently been kidnapped.

Skulduggery Pleasant: no pairing

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Day 10 - "how long has it been?"

an unpleasant feeling (day after today)

“I didn’t think there’d be a tomorrow for me,” Harry said conversationally once free, massaging his wrists, keeping his eyes on Malfoy as the other wizard looked his cell over. Harry’s words stopped Malfoy in his tracks, however.

Harry Potter: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter (pre-relationship)

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Day 11 - "chronic pain"

in brimstone (burnt inside out)

Waking up after the apocawasn’t was the worst spell Crowley had had for a century, he felt. Every joint in his body – as a snake, there were quite a few more than he looked like he should have – ached, every nerve felt like it was on fire.

Good Omens (TV): Aziraphale/Crowley

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Day 12 - "I dreamt you were alive" (alt prompt #4)

to dream (perchance to see you)

Camille strode through the bustling crowds of the Charles-de-Gaulle airport, the Parisian French surrounding her welcoming her home. Despite that, or maybe because of it, it was a very British voice that caught her attention amid all the hustle and bustle.

“Well, where can my bags be located then? Since they did not come off the plane here!” The voice, the accent, the words spoken, all of it reminded her so painfully of him that it pained her even several years later. She thought – her therapist with her – that she’d never get over the missed opportunities, the love that had slipped out of her hands.

Death In Paradise: Camille Bordey/Richard Poole

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Day 13 - "won't regain consciousness"

through darkness (light at last)

Briar hadn’t thought she’d have to stand at the bedside of someone on their deathbed again. She hadn’t factored in Gandalf in that assumption, hadn’t counted on being torn away from her spinsterhood in her family smial and then all the way across Arda.

She hadn’t counted on Bofur.

The Hobbit: fem!Bilbo Baggins/Bofur

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Day 14 - "can't go home"

beneath a mountain (pillows stained with tears)

Dale also meant that she wouldn’t have to leave the Company behind entirely – she’d miss them all too much to ever do that, one of the primary reasons she hadn’t gone back to the Shire. The other reason had been him, of course, but that one she had very carefully kept to herself.

Belba headed to bed, a bed that was, as it most often was, empty. She had hoped, after the Quest and the battles were over with, that he would perhaps consider settling down, but then she’d heard about the dwarven Ones, and she’d quickly realised that her hopes were quashed before they’d even properly taken root.

The Hobbit: fem!Bilbo Baggins/Nori

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Day 15 - "left behind" (alt prompt #5)

beneath a mountain (grief left behind)

Nori was worried, even if the Spymaster of Erebor couldn’t allow himself to show it. His being worried was on par with the King being worried, and that usually equalled a declaration of war to be met with some force.

Belba was missing.

The Hobbit: fem!Bilbo Baggins/Nori

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Day 16 - "does that hurt?"

to save a child (it does not hurt)

A demon does not heal, not from wounds inflicted by mortals nor from wounds inflicted by other celestials, and Crowley would carry the scars earned in defence of a child for the rest of eternity.

Good Omens (TV): Aziraphale/Crowley

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Day 17 - "shrapnel" (alt prompt #3)

stay down (count your breaths)

When he’d tried to speak up, tried to do something that would see all of them coming home alive at the end of the shift, all he’d gotten was a derisive ‘What, Malfoy, haven’t had time to warn your murdering buddies yet?’. It had stung, it really had, but considering that his partner had looked murderous enough to leave Head Auror Callins as a pile of ashes had he met her eyes, it hadn’t cut as deep as it would have when he was a Junior Auror.

He had protested again as they lay in wait outside a building that, according to good intel, housed the headquarters of an international smuggling ring specialised in heavily addictive potions, but again no one listened to him – not even when his partner tried.

Harry Potter: Fem!Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy

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Day 18 - "forced to watch"

ashes to ashes (dust to dust)

He was the best detective the Sanctuary had, and this up-and-rising sect didn’t know who they’d captured? They’d tied him up and beaten him as if it would make a difference either way. He had a feeling, however, that his genial reaction to the beatings wasn’t endearing him to them – at all. He couldn’t help that he was bad at faking pain, and he’d stick to that story.

Skulduggery Pleasant: no pairing

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Day 19 - "delirium"

to wake up (perhaps to remember)

“Is she awake?” Thorin’s head shoots up from where he had had it bent over a piece of paper on the desk. He readies himself to stand up, both hands planted on the desk, when Óin waves him off.

“Peace, lad, she won’t wake up properly for a while yet – but she’s starting to move, now, and that’s a wealth of good signs.” Thorin sinks back in his chair, running his fingers through his beard, and wonders what he should do to convince her he really wants her to stay in Erebor, wants her to stay with him.

The Hobbit: Fem!Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield

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Day 20 - "caged"

like songbirds (in gilded cages)

Harry had always liked songbirds, colourful creatures put in cages for the amusement of others. Maybe it was because he, in part, identified with them, could imagine how they felt – always on display, always watched, never a moment when they weren’t being made into entertainment.

Harry Potter: no pairing

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Day 21 - "trapped under a collapsed building" (alt prompt #2)

taking it all (the weight of the world)

I digress; Jon, the Archivist, is buried under a collapsed building, and he did not see it coming. Now that the novelty has lost its shine, however, the dust is starting to settle in – and Jon can feel the Buried creeping closer.

The Magnus Archives: Jonathan "The Archivist" Sims/Martin Blackwood

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Day 22 - "restrained"

don't touch (that's a contact high)

”Sit on him, Taako,” Merle said, one finger pointing from Magnus to Taako and back. The big guy had touched something and was in the throes of a contact high before Merle had cast Sleep on him. Magnus had toppled like a particularly big tree, and even with clever application of magic, they hadn’t had an easy time of getting him into his tent and bedroll.

The Adventure Zone Balance: Taako Taaco/Magnus Burnsides

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Day 23 - "don't leave!"

beneath a mountain (echoing in the streets)

A runaway hobbit among dwarrow – or humans – was bound to be noticed sooner or later. He didn’t think she would have run far – she probably wasn’t in the mountain, because she was many things but certainly not a liar – but the rebuilt Dale? Or even Esgaroth, now that the remaining signs of the ravaging dragon fire had been eradicated?

The Hobbit: fem!Bilbo Baggins/Nori

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Day 24 - "too weak to move"

a human king (a gift for a gift)

Rick had decided he should just never be surprised at anything ever again, especially not after having defeated Imhotep for a second time. The giant scorpion had also been a driving factor in that decision, he had to admit.

The Mummy: Evy Carnahan O'Connell/Rick O'Connell

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Day 25 - "muffled screams"

black petals (a mouthful to choke)

Heather thought it must be a desperately sad life, living in so much fear of eventually being in pain that you never dared open yourself up for feelings.

Harry Potter: fem/Harry Potter/Theodore Nott

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Day 26 - "please don't do this"

beneath a mountain (for a family)

“Oh, it’s you.” Outside his brother’s door stood Belba, and while Dori hadn’t ever been happier to see her, he was liable to do something rash if she tried anything with his brother. “Haven’t you done enough?”

The Hobbit: fem!Bilbo Baggins/Nori

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Day 27 - "shower breakdown"

in the moment (here it all clears)

I found I couldn’t remain standing, sobbing so hard my knees buckled, ending up in a foetal position on the shower floor. Bella Swan: pathetic. I felt it, too. I really had believed Jake, when he said he would love me forever, no matter what. Then again, I had believed Edward, too, when he had promised me forever.

Twilight: Bella Swan/Paul Lahote

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Day 28 - "I'll never forgive you" (alt prompt #8)

beneath a mountain (real enough to touch)

Belba was grateful that Dori had left the rooms, even if it was daunting, the whole prospect of seeing Nori again. She loved him, and even though everyone said he loved her as well… it wasn’t easy, changing her thinking. She had assumed that he didn’t love her, that what they had was just – convenience, for him. A soft body to warm his bed, maybe, companionship during the long, cold nights.

She smoothed a hand down her tunic, cupping her stomach. If nothing else, she had the faunt, and no one would take her child from her. She took another deep breath, steeling herself for the heartbreak she was sure to experience, and then entered Nori’s bedroom.

The Hobbit: fem!Bilbo Baggins/Nori

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[brobadil]

The Dane of Erebor, Part Fourteen

Title: The Dane of Erebor

Summary: They grew up on tales of that mountain. It was home to their people, but it was never home to her. She was destined to become the hero of Erebor, The Lonely Mountain, she was destined to protect a home that was never hers. To Lorelai, home was never a place, it was always a person. Her home was always with him.

Pairing: Fili x OC (Lorelai)

Word Count: 2079

The crackling fire was among the few sounds heard that night. It was a quiet night, one you could easily settle down in and fall asleep. The owls were hooting, the wind blew, and the fire continued to crackle.

It was a peaceful start to our adventure. All of us relaxed our shoulders and let out a breath because of it. Most of the company had fallen asleep in seconds, all of them so comforted by the idea of peace that sleep came easy.

It wasn’t so much the peace that comforted them- it wasn’t the peace that comforted me. I went into this journey expecting an adventure with danger around every corner, our first night out in the wild being so peaceful easily lulled us all into a false sense of security. Tensions were released, fears were forgotten about, and everyone, myself included, easily convinced ourselves this was how the entire journey would be.

I stretched my legs out and sighed, feeling the warmth of the fire through my boots. The embers soared up into the sky, becoming one with the stars I couldn’t tear my eyes from. They were the same stars I had seen every night in the Blue Mountains, but it felt like something brand new. They seemed brighter out there, though it may have been just my imagination. I stared up at them with the same wonder I held the first time I ever laid eyes on them.

“The stars seem different here,” I said quietly, “Brighter.”

Fili glanced up at the sky before turning to look down at me, “They look the same to me.”

“You barely even looked.”

“Alright, alright,” Fili chuckled before turning his eyes to the sky and keeping them there, ���Better, Gimlelul?”

“Depends, what do you see?”

“The stars, the constellations.”

“Do they seem brighter to you?”

Fili glanced down at me and smiled, “Aye, they do.”

I met his eyes and my own smile widened. I scooted closer to him, so my head was even more in his lap. He offered a small chuckle as he quickly began to braid my hair.

“You like the stars?”

I glanced up just long enough to see Bilbo gazing at me over the fire. Just moments ago, I thought he had been one of the few who fell asleep as soon as we arrived. He was quick to claim a piece of land without speaking to anyone.

“They’re my favorite thing in the world,” I sighed, shooting a glance at my husband and smirking, “Besides him, of course.”

“And here I thought you had forgotten about me,” Fili winked playfully.

“How could I when your head takes up the whole mountainside?”

“Aye, but yours takes up the sky.”

We met eyes and dissolved into giggles. Even Kili and Dis joined, though Dis kept her laughter down to a quiet snort. I turned back to Bilbo and said, “Yes, yes I do love the stars. I’ve come to know the constellations as good friends.”

“Which is your favorite?”

“Here we go,” Kili mumbled.

I didn’t even acknowledge him. With one solid movement, I shot up and pointed at the sky, “Durin’s Crown, there, towards the North. Legend states those are the same seven stars Durin saw in Mirromere all those years ago.”

Bilbo followed my point to the seven stars in question, “You mean Burning Briar?”

“What?”

“We call that Burning Briar,” Bilbo explained, “It looks like a briar bush, lit up as if on fire.”

“We?”

“We- you know- Hobbits. We Hobbits.”

Bilbo and I stared at each other for a moment. I could feel several dwarves watching on passively. Everyone saw my smile, “What are the rest of your constellations, Master Baggins?”

Bilbo sent me the first real smile I had ever seen him produce. Up until then, they had all been smiles for pleasantries, but this one held genuine happiness. Beyond happiness, overflowing from that smile was comfort. His shoulders relaxed as he blinked slowly. Some of the tension he held, not all of it mind you, melted away in that moment. Perhaps he saw it as a welcome, an opening of sorts promising him that he could become a true part of this company.

Perhaps he saw the honesty in my own being. I leaned towards him eagerly, biting my lip and listening intently for all he might say.

Bilbo never got the chance. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak, a low wailing sound came from the forest. It echoed through the trees and across the mountain, sending shivers down all of our spines.

“Wha-what was that?” Bilbo was practically shaking.

Dis stood, her gaze hard as metal and sharp as swords, “Orcs.”

She never took her gaze from the woods below us. It was as if she could see through the trees, and she was scanning the grounds for any sorts of threats. Her dagger was curled in her hand though we all knew nothing would become of it.

Fili, Kili, and I all had our eyes on her. I slowly scooted back, pressing my back against Fili as he wrapped an arm around my chest. Both he and Kili took the sounds as calmly as they did the crackling fire. It was as if they had heard orc wails every night of their life.

I, on the other hand, was shaking almost as much as Bilbo. That was the first time I had ever heard orc wails and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. Those wails were horrific, and not because of the creatures that produced them. They were the most gut-wrenching cries I had ever heard, like a child losing their mother. Each wail came with the pain and suffering of a thousand generations. They were wielded as swords, plunging straight into the hearts of all who heard the guttural wails of the orcs.

“Orcs?” Bilbo’s voice became even shakier.

“They’re everywhere, you know,” Fili said, “Packs upon packs of them, the woods are bound to be crawling with them.”

Kili wrinkled his nose, “Bloodthirsty ravagers, they are.”

“Blo-bloodthirsty?”

“Oh, yes, they’ll do anything for a bit of blood,” Fili shrugged nonchalantly, “They always go after the unknowing.”

Kili instantly backed him up, “They come in the night when everyone’s asleep. There are never any screams, just lots of blood.”

“Fili, Kili, that’s enough,” Dis spun on her sons, “We got him this far, don’t go scaring him off now.”

Kili snorted as Fili smiled. It took me an extra moment to pick up on what they were doing. I glanced over my shoulder Fili, watching his smirk climb up his lips. It dawned on me that they were only joking. The orcs were out there, yes, but they wouldn’t dare come near our little camp. Frowning, I pushed his shoulder, “Fili!”

“What?”

“You just about scared me to death!”

Fili met my eyes. He noticed how tense my entire body was and all the early joking atmosphere washed away. His smile fell as he muttered, “I’m sorry, Lore, it was just a bit of fun.”

“Fun? Fun?” Thorin pushed himself off of the rock to glare at all of us, “An orc attack is nothing to joke about.”

Kili and Fili stared at their feet as Dis sighed, “You two should know better.”

“Know better? They know nothing.”

Thorin spun his coat as he stomped to the edge of the mountain. All of us watched him go, confusion in our wake. Thorin was as dramatic as they come, but that was unlike him. He favored his nephews and didn’t often put them down like that.

“Don’t mind him,” Dis finally sat back down, “There are few things in this world Thorin hates with a visceral passion, orcs are at the top of the list.”

“I thought he hated elves the most,” I mumbled.

“Elves he dislikes,” Balin walked up behind Dis, “Orcs, he despises, and with good reason too.”

His eyes turned to Thorin who was standing at the very edge of the cliff. He wasn’t moving, I wasn’t even sure he was breathing, as he stared off at nothingness. His eyes were on the trees but I knew he never saw a thing.

“After the dragon took Erebor, those who survived followed King Thror to Moria,” Balin explained, “We planned to reclaim our ancestral homeland, but the orcs had beaten us to it. Hundreds of them came running out of the mines to attack us- all led by the chiefest and greatest of them all.”

Dis curled her hands tighter around her dagger, “Azog the Defiler, the pale white Gundabad orc. He swore a long time ago to wipe out the Line of Durin.”

Dis couldn’t continue after that. She shut her eyes tightly and turned her head away, banishing the darkness before it could even arrive. Fili’s grip tightened on me as I couldn’t tear my eyes from Balin.

“He started by beheading the King,” Balin’s voice was low and quiet, “King Thror was dead, and Thrain was driven mad by grief. He vanished, whether he is alive or dead, we still do not know. In the midst of battle, we were leaderless, but then one- with no weapons or armor- stood against the pale white orc.”

All eyes turned to Thorin, even Bilbo’s. All we could see was his back, but that was all we needed to see. Balin continued, “He stood alone, wielding only an oaken branch as a shield. He, Thorin Oakenshield, took on Azog on his own. He fought to the last breath, his or Azog’s, neither knew. It was then, at the doors of Moira, that Azog learned the Line of Durin is not so easily destroyed.”

“Thorin cut off his arm with one fatal swoop,” Dis said, “Azog was carried back into the mines by his kin, left to die of his wounds and damaged pride. And the Line of Durin lived to see another day.”

Bilbo frowned, “The Line of Durin? What’s that?”

“It’s us, my dear fellow. Sons and Daughters of Durin the Deathless,” Dis explained, “Descendants of the first King of the Longbeards and founder of Khazad-dûm. Descendants of Kings, and kings ourselves.”

Bilbo was entranced by this, yet he still stole a look at Thorin. I watched him peer over his shoulder, his eyes hovering on the dwarf for a few moments longer than they should. He quickly shook himself and turned back.

“Is that why you follow him? Durin’s blood?” Bilbo asked.

Balin gave a fatherly sort of smile to the Hobbit, “No, son, I follow him because I saw him that day. I saw him slay Azog and build our lives in The Blue Mountains. I saw him rise up that day and I knew, that was a dwarf I could follow. That was one I could call king.”

Thorin only turned towards us then. All eyes were on him as he approached the fire, but his eyes were on Balin. The two old friends exchanged smiles that bore the weight of the world. Thorin grabbed Balin’s shoulder affectionately and shook it, “Thank you, old friend.”

Balin only bowed his head. I glanced over my shoulder to see Fili absolutely entranced with the story and with his Uncle. It wasn’t lost on me just how much he looked up to Thorin, just how much he wanted to be like Thorin. He was the prince and, if this quest went well, he would be king one day too. I could see it, in his eyes and written so blatantly across his face, he already knew what kind of king he wanted to be. He looked towards his Uncle and he knew the exact footsteps he wanted to follow.

“That’s enough storytelling for tonight,” Dis stood and began to stomp on the fire, “All of you, get some rest, I’ve got first watch.”

Kili groaned loudly as he fell backwards. I could feel his urge to argue, but nobody wanted to stand up to Dis. All of us had been on the receiving end of one of her glares too many times to wish for another.

I curled up next to Fili and he covered us both with the blanket. Burrowing myself under the fur and against Fili’s side, I made sure to keep my eyes out so the stars could still shine upon them. A small smile crossed my lips as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

[topshelf2112-blog]

It may seem like a fictional character can’t sustain or save you, but here’s a journal entry I wrote in 2018. Thanks, Jamie Farr, and Corporal.

Dear Corporal Klinger,

You may find yourself surprised to appear first in this little volume. After all, there is a whole pantheon of characters that have shaped me (from Bilbo Baggins to Captain Kirk) and I’ve known the majority of them for far longer than we’ve been acquainted. But as I was shaping this project in my mind, polishing the words like stone under flowing water, and choosing to whom I should direct these opening pages, it was easy to settle on you.

You see (and it’s no easy thing for me to admit this in black and white) I’m suffering from a bout of depression. My mind is complicating this unwanted mental adventure by reminding me that I really don’t have any reason to be depressed. I’ve met Holocaust survivors, for heaven’s sake! In my years of teaching I’ve counseled students who have endured rape, assault, prejudice and racism, and watching family members die terrible deaths in front of their eyes. None of those terrible things (praise be!) are happening to me. Therefore, I really shouldn’t be depressed.

Of course, I know depression doesn’t really work that way. I know, logically, that the chemicals in my brain are imbalanced somehow and that this is no more my doing than my height, the color of my eyes, or the dug-in-like-briars patch of psoriasis on my left knee. But have you ever tried to stack logic up against the black surge of emotion? Logic goes down like a wall of sand.

So I thought of you. You were scooped up by a war you didn’t believe in, deposited thousands of miles away from your neighborhood and your loved ones, made to do the physically demanding and emotionally damaging work of moving the bodies of wounded men – and you still managed to create beauty in the midst of it. Maybe you don’t think of it that way. Maybe you just imagine that your late hours sewing were one more stitch in the master plan to get you ejected from the army on a Section 8, but you still brought a smile to the face of those around you with your pleats and your heels and your silk. I imagine you after a shift in the OR, washing blood from your hands, trying to un-see the images of the last few hours, and still stealing moments from sleep to set out matching earrings!

You may not know this, either, but one of depression’s most cunning tricks is its ability to make minor tasks incredibly difficult. Faced with things that other people take completely for granted (and may even do without conscious thought) someone struggling with depression may feel like crying. But this morning, tired as I was from another night of insomnia and wrestling with my damp-kelp hair, I channeled you, corporal. I marched myself into the bathroom and flossed my teeth. I put a mask on my face. (Using a mask always makes me think of that moment in Soap where Mary and her short-lived daughter-in-law put on make-up together. Reading the ingredients of the facemask she’s daubing on, Mary reports that it’s “made of cow placenta!”) I washed and conditioned my hair. I shaved my legs. (I hate shaving. It’s one of those rituals that seem fun and adult when you’re a girl, but then turn out to be a pain in the ass. I don’t think you went as far as shaving your legs. I think I can remember Hawkeye teasing you about them. If you’re considering it, just don’t. Stick to hats adorned with fruit). I put on a matching bra and panty set with a baseball design that I know you’d approve of. I eschewed my usual rock band t-shirts for a shirt with some glitter to it. I’m afraid it’s still not high fashion (I lack your eye for such things and, sadly, you’re probably thinner than me, too!) but it’s something. I braided my hair and rubbed some fancy collagen stuff mom got me on my face (more cow placenta?) I don’t know that my emotional state is radically different, but at least I look like a real, live, adult human!

What did you miss most when you were sent off to fight? Besides being separated from my love, the hardest thing for me to endure would be being separated from my baby cat. Last night he stretched full length beside me and kneaded me as if he was my kitten and I was a great big cat. Sometimes I use my nose and lips to rub against his silky head like a mother cat. He even reached out his paw and wrapped it around my fingers, holding my hand. If you can’t sleep, it’s good to have a furry friend! I sure you endured many sleepless nights – some from fear, listening for sounds of the enemy, some on guard duty, shouldering your weapon and getting very sore feet from your fancy shoes. Did I mention that I truly admire the Klinger Collection? I wish you were here to go through my wardrobe for the new school year!

I wish you were here for another reason, too. An old evil has come rising up from the past. I realize that sounds melodramatic, like something from the voice-over introduction to a fantasy film, but I can’t think of a better way to put it. I have a GoFundMe page to help earn some money for the expensive big cat books I need for my research. It was probably selfish of me to start such a page. Maybe I’m being punished for my book greed? Anyway, it recently received a donation from a man I hoped never to think of again – my mom’s abusive ex-husband. It’s difficult to describe how unnerved I am that he’s out there looking for me on the internet. It’s made my blog (linked to the GoFundMe page) feel tainted. I took some precautions, of course. I alerted campus security and the folks who work in my building, but I’m still afraid. Having you standing guard with your trusty weapon would ease my mind. And maybe your fine clothes would work the way Eddie Izzard suggests when he argues for transvestite paratroopers! Imagining them landing among the enemy, he suggests that said enemy would be so surprised that they wouldn’t fire. “Were you surprised? I was so surprised!” It’s my profound hope (and daily prayer) that nothing comes of this resurgence, but I’m still scared.

My tiredness seems to be catching up with me, because I’ve quite lost my train of thought! I’ll be back to add more later (when my mind is clear). Until then, I think yellow is your best color, kiss Charles for me, and ask Father Mulcahy to keep me in his prayers. I’m not Catholic, but I’ve been finding my way back to (unofficial and unaffiliated) prayer and I’d love to have a spiritual adviser like him.

Wishing you dreams of white satin (and pink, and blue, but never aquamarine!)

[professorsparklepants]

Genderbent Bilbo Baggins names ranked

Buckle up losers I'm being judgemental. This is not a comprehensive list because there's 51 pages of Female Bilbo Baggins fic on AO3 and I don't have the patience required to go through the tag a second time.

Belladonna: naming fem!Bilbo after her mom is both a power move and brings to mind the Gilmore Girls scene where Rory explains that she has the same name as her mom because Lorelei was "possessed by the spirit of feminism" after giving birth. I unironically love it. 10/10

Bilbo: doesn't follow Hobbit naming conventions, but keeping a genderbend's name the same is a galaxy brain move. 9/10.

Bilba: for real? For real? Are you serious? Adding an a to the end does not automatically make it feminine, how many times do I have to say this. 1/10

Billa: are you the chicken sidekick from Ozma of Oz? Is that what's going on here? 2/10

Billianna: only slightly better in that you didn't stick an A on the end of a boy's name and call it a day. 4/10.

Bilberry: I respect the desire to keep it sounding the same while also making it seem more like other girl Hobbit names, but you probably should've gone with something that's actually recognizable as a plant. Until I googled it to double check I wouldn't make a fool of myself during this roast I thought it was made up. 5/10

Blueberry: THERE we go. 7/10

Briar: doesn't sound quite right but I enjoy the Sleeping Beauty reference. Pairs especially well in Bagginshield fics because the King Under the Mountain trope is the spear counterpart to sleeping beauty. 7/10

Briony: an actual plant that has the bonus of sounding like something a genteel Victorian couple would name their children, which is crucial in the naming of Hobbits. 8/10.

Bluebell: a flower name that has the same sounds, the same initials, and the same number of syllables. Absolutely superb naming. 9/10

Bramble: very cute. No major complaints. 8/10.

Any plant name that doesn't start with a B: I respect your desire to follow convention but also you couldn't even bother keeping the initials the same? 4/10

Non-plant names that don't start with a B: go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. 0/10