#bro the way I love this series so much is honestly unhealthy I’m not even done with jade legacy but I want to reread it already

[anonzentimes]

Hi there! I stumbled across your blog randomly, and I’m so glad I did. I’ve gotten into DR recently and I’ve been hooked on Nagito’s character for many of the reasons you are! I’ve already read a few of your analyses and I love them, it’s amazing getting more insight into one of my favorite DR characters from someone who really understands him!

I’m not sure if you’ve already done this, but if it’s not too much trouble, do you think you can do an analysis on just how fucking smart Nagito is? I think he’s one of the most intelligent and observant characters in DR2. I’m rewatching DR2 and bro lk carries the trials with his hints, a lot of times it seems he figured out the culprit before anyone else. That’s not even mentioning the entirety of Chapter 5!

Sorry if this is a weird ask, it’s an aspect of Nagito’s character that I personally don’t really see talked about too much (then again I haven’t been in the fandom for that long lol) I’d love to hear your thoughts! Thanks again for all your lovely analyses!

I’d just like to start this out by saying sorry it’s taken me a while to answer this, I like to articulate big stuff like this when I’m able to and less tired (at my best) so apologies for the wait!

Thank you so much! I’m really happy you enjoy my rambles, especially as someone who just got into the series! I’m honored to be told I understand him by so many people since he means so much to me. Your request actually hasn’t been asked before so don’t worry! I’ll try my best to express that Nagito is Really Smart, and god Is he Really smart.

I don’t know why he ended up so intelligent, but I like to believe that from thinking so much and forming his beliefs it caused him to be pretty smart. That paired with the obvious life experiences that his luck gives him, and just being born with that type of mind results in him being pretty smart. Honestly I want to say I think Nagito is a very emotionally strong character for going so much trauma and still at the end of the day being able to form a coping mechanism and live on, or if you want to put it into other words to be able hold onto hope despite everything. But of course, too much of anything is a bad thing and over time it becomes obsessive and unhealthy as we can see. He’s also extremely tragic in that sense as well. But anyways, that’s all just to say I think Nagito’s insane life experience helped him become smarter. He also seems to read as a hobby, given how there are an immense amount of books in his cottage. If I recall he also spends a lot of his time at the library on the island usually, but the books in his room are already enough to support the fact he reads anyways. This is to say I’m sure his intelligence is also helped by how he reads lots of books.

So far this has all been my thoughts on how Nagito became to be such a smart person, but now I want to talk about some of the things he actually does with it. For starters, I feel like there’s something to be said about how he through living his unfortunate life understands he has luck and uses it to his advantage. He views himself in a very negative way that isn’t entirely setting himself to the standard of the talentless, not that he’d ever be outright aggressive to the talentless, or with the talented to him he’s in this worthless middle ground. He’s low enough where he would criticize the talentless for being too bold or not being a stepping stone given the hierarchy be believes in, but he also isn’t entirely equivalent given he does have a talent. He just believes his talent is awful because it has given him so much trauma and more so killed everyone he’s ever loved, but even so he uses it to his advantage and uses it as “the one thing he’s capable at,” although he would never use it for selfish reasons given how selfless he is. This is all to say that he’s incredibly smart for not only recognizing this, but coming up with plans and ways to achieve his goals by using his own luck. It’s his thing, be believes it’s awful and by extension he is worthless himself, but it’s the thing he has and he uses it, trusts it, and relies on it whole heartedly. He’s able to achieve his goals by abusing his luck, and the plans he comes up with to use his luck to get an outcome he wants showcases just how Intelligent he really is constantly. In Danganronpa 3 when he wants to postpone the test because he wants everyone to be at their best, he comes up with an entire plan for multiple options if some of them fail to get what he wants to achieve. He knows due to his luck that he will get what he wants by following through with any of these plans, and thinks of possible ways he can get what he wants. In Chapter 1 of Danganronpa 2 he relies on his luck, figures out what to do, and plans everything out using his intelligence. His good luck directly impacts him while his bad luck usually impacts everybody else unless it has nobody to go after, so in that case his plan technically doesn’t work like how he hoped but he still got what he wanted in the end. Nagito is able to also entirely clear the final dead room easily with his intelligence, and again relies on his luck because he’s smart enough to understand how his own luck works to use it. The biggest display of intelligence probably is the entire suicide he plans out, I don’t think I even have to say much on it for the point to be conveyed that he’s INCREDIBLY smart for being able to come up with something so elaborate. Just like the things i’ve mentioned here, he trusts his luck in the process. But the way that his plan doesn’t work, the way that it fails unexpectedly is that Hajime despite being so conflicted is able to finally not put it aside and use his understanding of Nagito to put himself in his shoes, see the world how he thinks, and solve the case. He has to trust in Nagito’s luck like Nagito does, something that he couldn’t have accounted for, to solve the case. That’s one of the major reasons Chapter 5 is so amazing, we have to trust his luck just like he does to get to the bottom of things. Even so, all of these things are a testament to just how smart he really is. This isn’t even mentioning how he’s smart enough to know things about the case, help out, but not fully solve it for them because his goals center around seeing the ultimates shine and be more capable than he can be, at least he believes he can’t be as capable but his beliefs are what actually hold him back. He is incredibly smart and this is shown time and time again, he is a wonderful character and his intelligence is only one aspect that contributes to how amazing and interesting he is.

He’s incredibly observant as well. He’s more observant than he is able to fully grasp social cues, or more so due to his absolute beliefs it prevents him from fully grasping other people’s perspective and his trauma making him more numb results in difficulty coming off as he intends to mostly when he’s at his worst or coping. For this reason he is usually the outcast but doesn’t understand the true reason he is hated and just thinks it’s because of the factual hierarchy, his absolute beliefs, he doesn’t usually comprehend things that center around them not being believed or being factual and is conflicted or frustrated when things put them into question or go against it. I try to explain this and bring it up because he relies on observation of people’s reactions more than anything. He is extremely observant in general and he uses his observations especially in social situations to help himself. Even when he doesn’t understand the reason why or feels it is an out of place reaction because he doesn’t fully understand the other’s perspective, he can absolutely observe other people fully. This is mostly just an add on to everything else in my massive statement to express how smart he is, but I just want to mention how observant he is. It helps him with solving cases and social situations extremely often. It also is shown how absolute his beliefs are by how his observations sometimes confuse him or cause him to feel as if the hierarchy is proven right because he cannot see it as anything but fact because he is so far gone. Most people believe in the hierarchy subconsciously but he believes in it as fact and is more expressive and honest in general as a person. Anyway, again, just main point here is he’s incredibly observant.

Hopefully this is a good short summary or way to express how intelligent he is, if there’s anything more you’d like me to cover about his intelligence that you think I missed or didn’t summarize well enough let me know! Sorry again that this has taken a while. Side note: I’m just posting this without revising it much, so I may edit it later or remove typos but for the most part if there’s any weird wordings or typos sorry about that, haha! I don’t have the time to revise it at the moment.

Thank you for your ask!!! <3

[not-an-alien-i-swear]

thoughts on nightbane cuz i can’t rlly remember lightlark

spoilers ahead!!!!

okay this book was Interesting. i don’t really know how to feel abt it.

first of all, too much sex. maybe this is bcuz i hate reading smut or even slightly sexual scenes, but there was WAY too much unnecessary sex in this book. there are ways to show grim n isla’s bond(?) with eachother without using sex!!! sex ≠ love guys

+ the entire conflict of nightbane could have been avoided, or at least resolved much easier, had the characters just COMMUNICATED. i’ll elaborate more later.

also, i hate grim. i DESPISE him. fuck u grimshaw.

i feel like this book REALLY tries to get u to like grim, or at least not despise him. bcuz he’s Broken Boy!!!! he’s Misunderstood!!!! he’s Not Really A Villain, he’s Morally Grey!!!! and sure, some of these may be true. but in my humble opinion, grim is an irredeemable prick.

maybe i’m being too harsh. im gonna break down my thinking.

first of all, grim/isla and the general love triangle(?) between grim, isla, and oro sucked. i’m sorry, it was so bad. oro is OBVIOUSLY the better option. like, come on. he’s a MUCH better person. easily way better than grim.

another thing i DESPISED abt this book was the characters and relationships.

first of all, THE FUCKING AGE GAPS. ik, ik, WILD, 100s of years of age gaps r extremely common in fantasy books, and they always make me feel weird. but these ones seemed especially creepy, especially grim/isla

to put it simply, i HATE grim/isla. worst pairing in the entire series. its so unhealthy that reading them HURTS.

first of all, the imbalance of power is WILD bro. grim is SO MUCH MORE EXPERIENCED than isla at everything. bros been alive for 100s of years. ISLA IS LIKE 20. grim has seen wars, fought countless battles, seen countless deaths. isla, however, is 20ish and SHELTERED AF. girlie has barely even seen her own realm. before grim, i don’t think she’s fought anyone before, and certainly hasn’t killed. isla is young, she was naive. i have more thoughts but i think u get the idea.

oro/isla is WAY better once you get past the also horrendous age gap/power imbalance. bcuz oro cares SO MUCH. almost too much. you can tell how isla is everything to him. and sure, grim was the same way. but he doesn’t go about it the same way. oro is gentle, kind, and patient in a way grim was not. not only that, but he was morally a much better person than grim. wtf.

now, cleo’s character. cleo’s character had SO MUCH POTENTIAL. deadass i was ROOTING FOR HER at some points. but then she goes and joins the bad side(?) and she’s forgotten abt. she could have done/bee sm more, and she was, for a bit. but then it felt like the author just forgot abt her, and she was cast off. I LOVE CLEO.

finally, the main conflict. i wanted to slap the characters half the time. 99% of the conflict could have been solved through communication. this is bad on its own, but for a fantasy book this is HORRIBLE. honestly, i was confused af. i couldn’t even keep track of why the war was happening half the time. so, grim wanted to open the portal to the other world? i bet if he’d sat down with the rest of the rulers and talked he could’ve easily convinced them. and the whole “no isla im doing this for u bcuz i love u sm!” was POINTLESS. just SIT DOWN AND TALK IT OUT. these characters r killing me :(

i have so many more thoughts but i think this is way more than enough for one post.

ik these are all negative but the book wasn’t THAT bad. i actually enjoyed reading it for the most part. it just wasn’t anything even remotely phenomenal.

byebyeeee

[barren-heart]

If you’re Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, or Jared Padalecki.

STOP.

Read this post.

Dear J2M,

This is an open letter for you three written by a couple of unhappy passionate fans.

We write this to you because we know at least one of you has a secret Stan account and creeps on the destiel hashtag from time to time. Don’t lie. (Ahem. Misha Collins. Looking at you, Sir.)

With the subtle hints and possibility of a revival, us here at BarrenHeart (Bee and Jay) have some thoughts on what we think a reboot/continuation/revival would look like if it was done well.

Note: we don’t speak for the whole fandom(obviously). And we don’t even speak for all of the Cas/destiel fans. This is from our observation of the fandom after 15x18 and the finale, plus our own opinions.

Here are our demands suggestions for the potential revival.

--Castiel--

First things first. Castiel is brought back.

And by that, we mean he is either shown to be rescued from the empty, Jack rescues him from the empty, or by some other means, that man is not left there to suffer for all of eternity.

Castiel is a lead character.

Not a guest star, not “and Misha Collins.” No. Misha Collins gets to be in every d*mn episode. He is an equal lead alongside Dean and Sam. Which leads into the next point.

Castiel gets his own storyline.

It can be connected to Dean in some way, but he needs his own arc, y’all. Don't care what that is, but he IS his own character. So, some form of personal growth or whatever needs to happen. He is a badass and deserves a good storyline. Also…

Give this M-- F-- (mother father) his wings back!

Yes, he died without ever having his wings return to their full power. Like? We know he was nerfed so he wouldn't overpower Sam and Dean. Prove to us that he can be a fully powered badass and still work alongside Sam and Dean. No need to get rid of that.

Human!Cas does not mean pathetic Cas.

There is a divide on whether Castiel should stay an angel. Personally, we like human Cas. However, human Cas was shafted in the series. If you make him human in any way, shape, or form, he’s gonna still have to be a badass. Don’t whimp him!

He can be a good hunter/pretend FBI agent just like Sam and Dean!

So, make him one! Let him do more cases. On his own. With other people. With Sam. With Dean. He can fight without powers, too.

Give him love!

For the love of freaking Jack, let that man know he is loved by people. Not even mentioning anything romantic, he still needs platonic love y’all. Let Sam say it, let Jack say it. Let anyone in his family tell him that he is loved. Not once in this series did Cas hear that anyone loved him. So, fix it!

New style, anyone?

Cas needs other clothes! Please now. The black trenchcoat we never saw in-show? Boss. Cas in a black leather jacket? Coolness. Hunter plaid? Do it.

Confession Resolution

Speaking of love, come to some conclusion please about him and Dean. Give a resolution somehow, somewhere. We personally don’t really care how it’s done, but there needs to be something said here. You cannot just drop a confession there and just leave like it never happened. So, talk about it.

Adding this, I swear, if this is bros only, you WILL lose Cas fans. So, think about what you’re doing.

--Sam--

Sam is important!

Now, personally we have a soft spot for Sam. His character arc in Season 1-5 was great. Demon blood, powerful Sam was amazing. So, don’t sideline Sam. Seriously. We are gonna say in an unpopular way (as if this post isn’t already unpopular to some), but Sam got sidelined real hard in the last few seasons of the show. Now, was that what Jared wanted? Don’t know. But, Sam needs his own storyline too that isn’t just revolved around Dean. Figure it out.

Witch!Sam

Speaking of which, let this man be powerful. Sam is best when he has powers. Sorry but also not. He has been given all of Rowena’s (who is arguably the best witch around) spell books and decides to not really do much with it? No. He’s becoming a BAMF witch. Full-out, no word spells and shit. End point.

Sam in Charge

He’s not just a baby brother. He’s a grown man. Give him room to grow. Allow him to be a leader. Let him lead a group of hunters, witches, a whole team of people! He’s strong on his own, too. He's a big boy. Prove it.

He should fall in love.

Like, get married and all that. It’s a part of his arc, so keep it there. No blurry wife, my god! Personally it should be Eileen. She’s a badass. They also have a lot in common! Holy hell. They make a good team. So, keep that suggestion in mind.

Let him have the hero’s journey.

We want a good ending that shows growth for this character! He saw himself as a freak with powers, so…maybe he can use his powers now in a way that in empowering instead? Let him have an ending that doesn't just return to the beginning. Let him have gone through all of this changed for the better.

Don't be creepy.

Still keep the brotherly bond with Dean, but don’t make it weird, y’all. Don’t. Please.

Sam as a dad.

He can have a kid. But, Dean Jr? Eh. You might want to reconsider some other (Bobby) possibilities.

--Dean--

Now, with Dean, I wanna make this clear.

DO NOT K word THIS MAN.

This man here has dealt with unbelievable trauma, suicidal thoughts and even almost died by suicide in the show (okay, it was for another reason, but still!) He dies way too many times in this show. It’s not new anymore. Perhaps, when the show was newer, death might have been a bittersweet ending. But, now. It’s tarnished. It happened too much and the message of “carry on” got tainted to mean “there is only peace when you die.” That’s not okay.

Resolve his issues!

He has so much pain and trauma. Let him seek help. Let your audience know that it’s okay to process these emotions. Let him heal. He deserves it.

Dean’s internal struggles

This is piggybacking a little off of point two, but Dean has a lot of things he needs to figure out. We feel like his journey is more internal. While processing his trauma, he needs to learn that it's okay to be himself. This could include things about himself that he feels ashamed of or scared to admit. Things he may have repressed or suppressed over time. No more hiding who he is or brushing it off or making jokes. Be your true self, Dean. It's time.

Dean’s still important, of course

That said, Dean should still be integral to the overall narrative of the plot. Of course he's gonna go head to head with the Big Bad of the season/limited series, but he really should focus on what's inside first before he can take this monster down.

The Bro bond

No more dependent/unhealthy bond with Sam. Of course they are family and brothers, and will always be close. That's perfectly fine. However, its important to note that Dean was Sam’s mom/Dad most of his whole life. And, well, that never came to a resolution. Please let Dean resolve this issue. Sam is grown and older now, and even though Dean will always feel protective of him as his Big brother, Dean shouldn't feel like his life only revolves around taking care of Sam. There is more to Dean and his life.

Dean is complex

Also, Dean is not only about cars, burgers, and pie. It's like some of the writers forgot this. There are so many things/interests of Dean’s that are really cool and add to the complexity of his character. Keep those things.

He needs to resolve his issue with Jack.

He never said sorry to the kid. Not once after telling Sam that Jack wasn't family. He needs to tell Jack he is loved.

Speaking of which, Dean needs to tell Cas he loves him.

Okay. Who knows if you will make destiel reciprocal at this point.

Do we think Dean would have reciprocated based on context clues and what we have seen in the show? Yes.

Do we think this love is romantic? Yes.

Do we think you'll actually fully make it canon in a reboot/continuation? Eh.

Regardless, Dean loves Cas, so make it known.

Other demands considerations.

‘The found family’ needs to not be forgotten.

All the friends that were made along the way need to be included. What happened with Garth was great, actually. Do more of that. And by that, we mean include Jody and Donna. What are the girls doing now? Wayward sisters anyone? Bring Kevin back. Don't leave him to roam the earth all along like that. Either make him human again like Eileen or send him to rest in Heaven.

Where’s Eileen?

Hello??? Where? Tell us she made it back.

Claire

No idea if you can get Kathryn Newton back, but it would be cool at least for one episode. Please. Kaia? Resolve her storyline.

Also, Charlie.

Wtf happened? That was not resolved. We love Felicia Day. Charlie’s friendship with Dean is amazing. She deserves a few episodes.

Crowley!

Seriously. What happened to Mark was super disappointing. You gotta bring him back. His death wasn't great. Bring him back and give him his damn line already!

Jack!

I'm not fully on the Baby!Jack train, but he does deserve a normal life. He's three years old technically. He had no normal life whatsoever. He deserves that. So, give him that.

More Rowena please!

That's it. She's awesome.

Have a wedding.

No, really. Someone's gotta get married. Our pick: Sam and Eileen. Charlie is also a good contender for having a wedding with her partner, too. So there. Weddings are happy. We want a happy ending.

I will reiterate. Team free will lives. That's it.

Okay. Now, moving on to the next part of this. The elephant in the room. The thing a lot of us actually want from this, but frankly, we aren't sure if you'll do it.

Explicit Destiel.

If you've read this far J2M, then you're probably wondering when this was going to be addressed. So, here are the stipulations on destiel.

Go big or go home.

Yep. We said it. Make it explicit, full out, no ambiguity.

Honestly, you might be thinking what you could do to make it explicitly canon? Well, since there were tons of people who still think Cas’ love confession was just a platonic exchange between two bros (like wtf? How?), you're gonna have to spell it out for people.

But, some things that we may perceive as romantic, some people may not.

--Like, holding hands could be considered platonic between two men to some people.

--Cheek kissing could also be considered platonic to some people.

Not to say we need Jensen and Misha doing full on *** scenes to prove anything, but something more than a hand hold. Okay? Okay.

What we’re saying is basically, you're gonna have to kiss. On the lips. Yep.

So...I guess you'll have to figure out how you want to do that.

On when to make it canon:

You can decide if it makes sense to make it canon towards the beginning or towards the end. Honestly, there could be an argument for either. If it's made canon earlier, you could prove there can be a relationship alongside the main storyline. If you wait until the end, you'll leave fans wondering if you'll actually do it. But, the kiss being the major event of the finale could be worth it. Whichever you do, remember there are upsides and downsides to both.

Other other considerations:

Just realize who your fanbase is now. We’ve grown and changed. Like Becky, your fans have gone through a huge change in what they want from the show. Is the fandom all on the same page? Nope. Will they ever be? No.

You will not please everyone. That's a given. But, a lot of fans want to see the show wrap up in a better way than what we got. Destiel fans aside, the finale was not great overall. There are plenty of negative finale reviews that have nothing to do with destiel.

On top of that, society is changing. Slowly. The attitudes in regards to lgbtq media is quite different than before. You have the chance to make history. Really. If you make this canon, that will be a part of your legacy. You'll hit the news. I mean, 15x18 wasn't even the finale and it trended #1 that day.

We suggest that if you do decide to make it canon, it’s meaningful and you take the time to do it right.

So, consider your fans. Consider the part of the fandom that trended your show over the election. Consider the fans that trended a fictional wedding on Valentine's Day. Consider Misha/Cas fans who felt slighted. Consider your LGBTQA + fans. Just, think about what the reboot could achieve. What it could mean to a lot of people.

As always, we just want happiness and peace when we are done.

Thanks for reading Misha J2M.

Sincerely,

Bee 🐝 and Jay 🐦

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

One could make the argument for Smallville that Clark and Lex with their entwined destines are set up to be the main ship of the entire series. When Clark’s pod landed in Smallville Lex also lost his hair. That event would forge the paths they both ended up going down as young men. Their motivations are also heavily influenced by their fathers and the differences in how they were raised. They parallel each other, with the perfect balance of light and dark. Their relationship is the core dynamic that drives the series. Most of the time, even outside their respective romances. But it’s still never meant to be seen as anything more than a doomed friendship. A broken brotherhood. Nothing sexual about it. Even the Clex shippers in the fandom understood that back in the day.

Now I’m not saying this is the same thing for toxicorp. No. When it comes to Supergirl, since the first episode it’s been established that the Danvers sisters have always been the most important relationship of the series. They are both responsible for the paths they ended up taking in life. I mean, Kara exposed herself to the world to save Alex’s life. And Alex became an agent with the DEO because of Kara. Season 1 was about them learning to work together as a team. Season 2 they both got to experience their own relationships with someone they loved. Season 3 they both had to deal with the loss of those loves and if they could move forward. Season 4 they were tested when Kara had to leave the DEO and then to protect her secret Alex had to forget she was Supergirl. The less said about S5 the better. Honestly, if it were up to me, in that last fight in the finale it would be Kara and Alex standing at the front, together side by side. But the writers obviously decided to show everyone partnered up with their own love interests. Bonus Karamel for us. So I’m not complaining.

What I will unfortunately say about toxicorp however. As much as I hate to admit it, Kara and whatshername do share some similarities. They were both adopted. They have siblings with similar names. They both didn’t want to be defined by their more famous male family members. I think the writers were trying to set up this dynamic early in season 2, similar to Clark and Lex.

But in my honest opinion: Sister Luthor’s constant misguided use of science, with the result of always making things worse, and Kara having to clean up her mess, just got so repetitive, that I just saw their association as a hindrance to Kara. And her being so blind by what she wanted to see, so she never called whatsherface out on it. And S5, well that just sealed the deal for me. How she reacted to Kara’s secret and made it all about her and how she chose to focus on getting back at Kara and everyone else, instead of trying to understand and respect Kara’s agency. No. Just no. A true friend would never do that. Kara deserves better than someone who would treat her the way Lobotomizer did. As Mon-El said in the 100th, she deserves the same compassion she shows others. That’s just my two cents.

Fandumb delusions are another matter entirely. I try my best to pay little attention to them. Because very much like ToxicQueen shippers in the once upon a time fandom and any other non canon slash shippers, they really have nothing to do with the actual show, or how the writers choose to tell the story. They can be as vocal as they want online, but they really don’t have any influence how the story is told. A lot of people just see what they want to see with toxicorp. Some unfortunately have this unhealthy fixation with the actress from Merlin, that I think is their main motivation for shipping her with women. And of course, Kara’s feelings and her choices don’t matter to them at all. Not unless it serves their forced narrative. She’s just a prize for their fave to win. Well, as a Kara fan, I’m only interested in what she wants her happy ending to be. She needs to put herself first. If they don’t like how things end up for the show or her, well they can just suck it. No one’s going to care. In the end we’ll be the fandom who always respected the lead actress, supported her marriage. Held out hope and got our ship reunited (in some capacity) in the finale. And they’ll be just a sad memory, that was ignored and forgotten.

Well, friend, I could have not said it better.

I will just add that Lobotomizer was contracted only for 3 eps but the producers decided to let her stay, unfortunatelly, because it is quite obvious they didn't ans still don't know what to do with her and her storyline.

Her story is repetitive every season, she still hasn't learnt a shit,all she represents is a white privilege in the worst form and it's laughable they try ans fail to make her some strong femonistic icon. Like, there is absolutely no one normal who can identify with her. Ok, I guess sociopaths can. Or rich girls with mommy, daddy and big bro issues 🙄

My point is, Lobotomizer is the cancer of the show that sucks screen time and focus from other characters. Her character was ans will be, it's quite obvious on this point, absolutely wasted. They could have made her interesting at least and her storyline appealing and made her a real villain of the story,who could have admitted in the end she was the villain and really fixing it or making her embracing her morally gray personality,but instead we got a lukewarm butthurt 5 year old,who is excused because Kara didn't tell her a secret 🙄🙄🙄

She is the most ridiculous and pointless character ever.

[makeste]

I just wanna enable you to talk more about Katsuki so. top 5 (or 10, or however many you feel like) Bakugou romantic ships? not like number 1 will be a surprise but hey ;p

ah, shipping. the perfect topic with which to take a breather from leg puns and the quirkless!Bakugou debate. nothing controversial about ships lmao.

disclaimer: these are literally just my favorite Bakugou ships, as asked. I have few to no NOTPs, and I’m not anti-anything, nor do I have any opinions on whether or not any of these will or should become canon (as it really makes no difference to me, since I ship them all platonically as well). basically I have no skin in the “shipping somehow has winners and losers” game. I’m just here for the emotional energy and the lulz and the character development.

anyways this is a top six because I couldn’t bear to leave either of my two favorite rarepairs out whoops.

BakuDeku - like you said anon, not a surprise lol. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; for me, these two are the core of the series. honestly it sometimes strikes me as ironic that this ship is so often written off as abusive or unhealthy or toxic, because I often find myself thinking that roughly 90% of all of Bakugou and Deku’s problems could be sorted out just by them communicating with each other. and I don’t mean just their own specific relationship problems -- I mean all of their problems. Bakugou is having an emotional crisis about something? have him talk to Deku. Deku’s overwhelmed by a problem and way overthinking it? have him talk to Bakugou! they balance each other out, is the thing. when one of them veers off course, the other is the compass to steer them back on track. that’s the power of rivals!! and aside from that, this relationship is just so complex, and I am weak for absolutely all of it. it’s just this perfect blend of push and pull and friction and trust. it’s the type of ship where the two of them have such a strong connection that it’s like gravity; they can’t help but orbit the other, even when that orbit is sometimes unsteady. it’s just such a powerful bond and just... guh. I have way too many emotions about it so I am just going to STOP NOW and move on to the next ship.

TodoBaku - so by now we have reached a point where pretty much everyone in class 1-A is an expert on handling Bakugou, and ngl, it’s my favorite thing ever. but what makes the TodoBaku relationship so especially appealing is that Shouto is completely unafraid to just step right up and declare his friendship to the entire world. Todoroki “I’m calling it like it is” Shouto, who, after giving the matter careful consideration, correctly judged himself and Bakugou to be the closest of friends, and thus decided that they should intern together and he should introduce him to his family and get his sister to cook his favorite foods. and the entire time, Bakugou is all “please no one listen to this delusional freak, we are not friends at all,” even as he proceeds to get himself involved in all of the Todoroki family drama, and saves Shouto’s brother’s life, and learns all of his sister’s recipes, and presumably cries himself to sleep at night wondering how he could have let this happen.

Kacchako - what I like about Ochako’s relationship with Katsuki is that she’s one of the few people who’s not afraid to call him out on his shit. she’s not just warmly tolerant of him like some of the others; she has expectations of him, and will unabashedly express her sound disappointment if he fails to be the person she knows he’s capable of being. I feel like Ochako has no patience for him taking his sweet time with his character development, and is just “goddammit young man, just sort your shit out with Deku already and go back to being best friends like you both so clearly want, and while you’re at it please try to treat other people less like garbage”, and various other things that are all true but that he of course hates to hear, but TOO BAD lol. anyway so I love that, and I love that she’s just as stubborn as he is. and I also love that there’s genuine, mutual respect between the two of them as well. never forget that Katsuki is the one who first brought out Ochako’s homicidal badass side. anyway so they basically complement each other very well, and I have my fingers crossed that one of these days Horikoshi will decide to actually have them interact with each other again because damn.

KiriBaku - Kirishima, on the other hand, is warmly tolerant of Bakugou, and openly admiring of him even, but it tends to be in a way that brings out Bakugou’s best qualities. Kiri just has this way of bringing out Bakugou’s confidence in himself. like, he’s very good at saying precisely the right words to make Bakugou grin that smirky little grin of his, the one that’s all “oh yeah, that’s right, I’m a badass.” and seeing as Bakugou, for all his pride and bluster, is surprisingly prone to having mini crises of confidence, this is a valued skill that I’m very grateful to Kiri for having! and what’s nice is that Bakugou is very good at returning the favor, since Kiri is prone to crises of confidence as well. the little flashback right before Kiri unveils Unbreakable for the first time is one of my favorite moments in the series. when this ship is firing on all cylinders they really bring out the best in each other. and also they are both dumb bros which is an extremely undervalued dynamic. I love it when Bakugou is all “HEY KIRISHIMA LET ME BLOW YOU UP A BIT” and Kiri is just like “YEAHHHH!” heh.

KamiBaku - and now for the first of the two rarepairs! first of all I would just like to state that I absolutely cannot fathom why KamiBaku is a rarepair to begin with, unless it’s simply because everyone is already too obsessed with the previously mentioned ships. but at any rate it’s a damn shame, because the cuteness of this ship is off the fucking charts, and right now it’s all just going to waste. what I adore more than anything about this ship is the way Bakugou tolerates every single fucking thing Kaminari does and LETS HIM GET AWAY WITH IT. he lets him call him “Kacchan.” he lets Kaminari manhandle him into various getups (the A Band shirt; the Santa outfit) on multiple occasions while putting up absolutely no fight. he basically allows him an almost unprecedented level of closeness, which Kaminari proceeds to BLATANTLY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF at every turn seemingly unchecked! and he is the all time champ at tricking Bakugou into participating in social interactions (tying the ribbon to his foot during the Christmas gift exchange, telling him he won’t get any food at the New Year’s feast if he doesn’t help cook, etc.). he just loves him and wants him to be included. honestly this one of the most adorable relationships in the entire goddamn series and I am tired of it being slept on. the people deserve more KamiBaku dammit.

IidaBaku - last but not least, a relationship between two people who I’m pretty sure have only actually interacted with each other a handful of times, and most of those times involved them shouting at each other! ah, yes. the stick in the mud and the delinquent. god’s natural enemies. except that in this case the “delinquent” is a star student who tutors other kids and goes to bed every night at 8:30, and the stick in the mud once hatched a legitimate plot to kill a man. what I am trying to say is that these two are actually WAY more alike than they would ever care to admit, and I’m kind of obsessed with it?? this is one of those ships where all it would take is one well-applied trope and the possibilities are endless. you could literally just pick one out of a hat. fake dating, roommates, only one bed, undercover as lovers, WHATEVER. and not only does this have the potential to be the most hilarious ship in the history of time, but it also has potential to be disarmingly, shockingly sweet, I shit you not. there are a couple of little moments in the light novels that I absolutely adore, where they’re each taking care of the other with the other having absolutely no idea. Iida makes about four attempts to tuck Bakugou in during the forest training camp arc because his covers have fallen off and he doesn’t want him to catch a chill, and Bakugou unknowingly returns the favor by preventing Iida from stumbling across the preparations for his own surprise birthday party before the others are finished getting ready. by shoving Iida into an elevator and ordering him to go back to his room with absolutely no explanation given lmao. anyway, but the point is the potential is definitely there for cuteness and chemistry and mutual respect while arguing nonstop like an old married couple.

so there you go! honestly Bakugou somehow has chemistry with just about everyone in his class, which is super impressive for someone with the personality of a rabid wolf spider. god bless him.

[yandere2me2]

Hi there! First, I just wanted you to know that I really enjoy your writing. I don’t know most of the characters you write for, but I still am able to understand who they are as people from your works which is really cool!! Secondly, I was hoping I could hear your thoughts on the Obey Me characters? You can do as little or as many as you want, whatever you’re comfortable with. And finally, I just wanted to say I hope you have a good day!

Thanks anon! So far I’ve only written a few things, but if you wanna check out what characters I’ll write for, check out my newly posted rules post - for any fandom listed, I’m good writing any character so long as the other rules are followed (ex: any Obey Me character but Luke since he looks and acts like a child).

Since no limit was placed, I’ll just do some general headcanons for the first 4 brothers for now. Know that I’m willing to write about any other characters in Obey Me aside from Luke for future requests :)

So without further ado, some yandere Obey Me bros (under the cut because this got LONG)!

TW: implied/mentioned forced captivity, manipulation, unhealthy relationship standards, non-con/dub-con, degradation, voyeurism  

Lucifer

Sadistic - but that’s a given with the game information. To be more specific, he sets strict rules for his darling and is very much a control freak; he has so many things going on in his life that he has to manage out of necessity, but his darling is a special case he’ll gladly take on 

If his darling breaks a rule, he enjoys doling out punishments. What type of punishment depends on his mood, the type of incident his darling caused, and if their actions affected Diavolo. God help them if if they insult Diavolo

Possessive with a capital P. His darling is his. No one gets to see them fall to pieces under his hands but him. No one gets to bring them to the peak of pleasure but him. They will fear him the most above all others if that’s the way his darling must cope with his methods. Lucifer would prefer an amicable relationship, but he understands he’ll be met with resistance with the standards he has

Praise will come rarely, so any darling that craves it will have to earn it by being on their best behavior. If his darling does manage to get him to praise them, he’s in a very good mood and will be more open to requests (he won’t let them go, but some new books, hobby materials, or food options are fair game)

He’s a yandere that will lock his darling away for their safety as well as his own comfort and ease. Dangers are everywhere in Devildom, and he knows his darling will manage to find trouble if left to their own devices or with his brothers. He’s not going to risk it. Besides, he’ll have a better hold on his darling if he’s the only one they interact with daily

Going off the last point, Lucifer would also hide his darling away to avoid Diavolo’s attention. By my read on their relationship, Lucifer holds little power to oppose Diavolo thanks to their pact, and Diavolo wanting in on Lucy’s darling would frustrate him beyond words - can’t he have just one thing for himself? I’ll be writing more on a Diavolo/Lucifer/Darling situation after requests are filled, but BOY do I wanna write about this now

Mammon

He’s needy. Mammon craves affection from his darling in any amount they’re willing to give. He’ll be the first to deny it if his darling or someone else points it out, but everyone knows

He Does Not Like To Share His Darling! At all!!! He will pout and whine and get even more clingy if he thinks his darling so much as looks at someone else with interest (imagined or not) - especially his brothers

His punishments are usually to reassure himself that he’s in charge, that his darling did him wrong and they should be grateful he’s their protector, that he even bothered to notice them in the first place. Any other demon would have left them to fend for themselves; he is the best demon a puny human like his darling could ask for

That said, when he isn’t worked up he’s very much a sub in his relationship with his darling and aims to please them. Praise doesn’t come too often for him, and he loves when he can get any positive affirmation. He’ll get testy if his darling outright insults him

He wouldn’t think about locking his darling away until much later. After his darling grows accustomed to living in Devildom, after Mammon starts realizing and (unwillingly) accepting his feelings, he notices how close his darling is with his brothers and the others, how easily they could be stolen away from him… he doesn’t like it one bit

Mammon wouldn’t think much about his plan before he sets things in motion by making a deal with some witches to set up a private space for him and his darling that no one can reach without his say-so. This of course incurs a ton of debt that he’s confident he’ll pay off in a jiffy (he won’t) and he only leaves when he needs to handle paying off his debts or deal with some Devildom official business - he’s the second most powerful demon brother under Lucifer, so as obnoxious as Mammon could be about how “important” he is, he’s not entirely wrong

If he’s in a good mood, he’ll spoil his darling as best he can with any material good he can think they’ll like. Just name it and it’s theirs. Unless of course they upset him, then he’s just as quick to take any privileges he gives away and remind them who’s in charge. It makes him hurt to have to punish his darling, so he tries to avoid it unless he thinks they need a reminder of who has to make the rules around here

Leviathan

Levi doesn’t have much experience with darlings compared to his brothers - throughout the thousands of years he’s lived alongside his brothers, he prefers to shut himself away most of the time. He’s had the least amount of darlings in his lifetime, and when they pass on he secludes himself to fantasize about his perfect darling (who’s usually based on a combination of anime characters and past darlings he’s had)

He’s so insecure, constantly worrying how he isn’t good enough that he bullies his darling into having them convince him that he’s who they want. His darling better be convincing though; if he senses pity or fear or anything else that takes away from their sincerity, he won’t be kind when he’s punishing them

He’s almost as overbearing as Mammon - that’s a feat in itself. Levi won’t isolate his darling though; he’ll manipulate and guilt his darling into wanting to stay with him to avoid his ire. They’ll manage to step on his toes in one way or another, finding some unspoken overstep as an excuse to point out their flaws

Honestly the “transport yourself into a video game” trope opens up so many fun options for Levi to play with his darling. He has games (similar to the one we witness in canon) where he and his darling can spend virtual weeks together without anyone to disturb them. He has games he knows his darling hates - horror games that are gruesome for demons, let alone a human, where his darling can’t escape and can die as many times as it takes for Levi to be pleased before he transports them back out. He has naughty games for when he wants to import his darling to watch them endure whatever scenarios fit his fancy - anything from tentacle porn to gangbangs. By the end of it, his darling will be so grateful to be back in the real world they’ll be begging to stay with him, just as long as they don’t have to go back in a game. Levi uses the affection to his advantage

He forces role play on his darling - Levi as the Lord of Shadows and his darling as his precious Henry. His darling better learn their lines and how Levi likes them to respond if they want to stay on Levi’s good side

His darling’s wardrobe consists of mostly Ruri-chan and Henry cosplay Levi purchases for them. No you can’t change my mind

Of course, if his darling isn’t in a game or reading some top manga series, Levi’s talking about it to them or having them watch/read along with him. He just wants to share what he enjoys with the person he treasures, even if they’re just a simple normie human

Satan

Earlyon, his darling is warned by the other brothers that his smile is fake, that he’scynical and shouldn’t be trusted. But out of all the brothers, he comes acrossas one of the least intimidating, so it’s easy to gravitate towards him

Tbhhe’s likely not interested in his darling at first – humans are lessercreatures to demons, food for most and potentially nuisances when one makes apact with a powerful demon. Until he finds something noteworthy, like how quicklyMammon forms a pact with this human, he doesn’t see much potential

He’s pretty reasonable up until he’s angry; for a darling surrounded by dangers and demons,he appears to be the least likely to harm them, and they accidentally push one of hisbuttons at some point. Once his limit is reached, he is terrifying – wrath isin his name and he lets his darling know when he’s displeased

After the first time he loses his temper, he’ll givehis darling clear warnings before he punishes them. He uses his darling’s fearof his punishments to his advantage, encouraging “good” behavior with thethreat of “or else” in the background

He has some notable similarities with the eldest brother: a sadistic streak a mile long and a preference to dominate/need for control to ensure his darling is undoubtedly his. How Satan shows these traits is different in key ways, however

Satan is sadistic more often when he’s feeling neglected, miffed, or bored with his darling. He’s not as strict as Lucifer, actually allowing his darling the freedom to act on their own accord in most cases. It gives his darling the chance to show him how much devotion they are willing to give him without him commanding it. If he gives an order, however, he expects his darling to obey

Unlike Lucifer, Satan doesn’t have the risk of things going Bad if something doesn’t go his way; Lucifer needs to please Diavolo or risk failing on his end of the pact, and so control is key for him. Satan likes control, but to the extent of knowing he has the final say. Satan doesn’t want to control every aspect of his darling - at the end of the day he wants his darling to voluntarily choose him, even if only out of fear of his displeasure - but he will have them

Satan has his own possessive habits - he needs affirmations that his darling is his. Either he’s marking them in some primal way or he has his darling reassure him through their actions

He stalks his darling. Have you seen how aware he is of his brothers’ activities in-game? It’s almost unnerving in some situations - and that’s just canon material. Satan watches his darling out of curiosity at first before it grows into an obsession for him. After a while he knows every little detail, every mannerism, every preference. All those outings he asked his darling to join him on before he actually clarifies he wants to date them? They’re all used as opportunities for Satan to review later

Advice to any darling of his: Do NOT compare him to Lucifer if you know what’s good for you. Just. Don’t. He won’t kill you, but you will wish he did by the time he’s through with you

I say this as several of my points are comparing his similarities/differences with Lucifer hahaaaaaaaa sorry Satan

[moretapes]

okay i'll bite tell me about connor dwight

THIS GOT SO LONG IM SORRY PJH;GKLJKL

Sexuality Headcanon:

oh connor gay. connor homosexual gay. well in theory. i can’t actually see connor being attracted to anyone (expect for... well.) i feel ‘aromantic’ would be the wrong word choice here because connor’s just a dumb shithead who doesn’t have the sympathy in him to see other people.

connor only comes out of the closet when he realizes it gives him a pass to call stan a  f

Gender Headcanon:

i cannot see him as anything other than aggressively cis. connor’s gender is toxic masculinity.

A ship I have with said character:

my favorite specific relationship dynamic of "the only two people in the world who could understand what the other is going through, but they also can't stand each other"

i don’t really “ship” stan and connor romantically so much as i am just fascinated by their relationship. like. obviously stan and connor are extremely extremely toxic for each other in a way that you could not ‘fix’. connor doesn’t want to ‘get better’ and stan could never forgive him. even if, and that’s a strong if, he could forgive connor personally, he wouldn’t allow himself to because connor’s other victims don’t have the chance to and he needs to be held responsible for that.

but at the same time, in this brief, private universe between them, they were all each other had. it’s was horrible and toxic and unhealthy but. :( ??? :((((

the closest i can think of for a stanconnor Good Ending requires one or both of them still being completely fucking miserable because they’re so apposed to each other on a fundamental level. and that’s what i like! i like that they’re so tangled together the series itself kind of frames meeting connor as the moment that doomed stan for LIFE.

like ok!!! ok!.

...there’s also uh. kind of a scene in the old series that alludes connor had feelings for stan at one point? and it’s definitely just because of the series being written on the fly and not considering the implications very thoroughly but. it’s there. and. miserable angry teenage connor confusing his fierce possessiveness over stan for romantic feelings immediately before stan ditches him is. hm. hoo boy. i gotta sit down.

A BROTP I have with said character:

genuinely do not think connor is capable of extending an emotional connection to anyone to form a legitimate friendship. 

i guess in a real world setting, i do like playing connor as susan’s overprotective brother. i don’t think they’d be close exactly, but it’s... better terms than canon. (side note i personally see connor not having a good relationship w david or the rest of their family so it’s kind of a ‘susan is the only one willing to take his side out of pity, even though he’s probably wrong’)

A NOTP I have with said character:

honestly? anyone else. connor has extremely bad ideas on what a platonic relationship would involve, my brain shuts down trying to think about what he would be like dating. 

not to mention he only interacts with like, what, 3 people? who would you even ship him with lmao

A random headcanon:

oh god i’m so bad at these without a prompt.

uhh connor is a massive straight-edge because he hates feeling ‘out of control’ and applies that to everyone in his vicinity. 

connor is insistent on being referred to as the older sibling despite only being born 7 minutes before susan.

he’s a very light sleeper. he’s someone who is always awake before everyone else but also stays up past everyone else. very few people have actually seen him asleep.

General Opinion over said character:

maybe i like him, just a little bit. 

tbh a LOT of the reason i like connor so much is just that it is hard to separate his influence from who stan is. this isn’t a good thing in any capacity btw. 

oh god how do i contextualize this like YES he’s the WORST ever and i love him so much so fucking much. honestly the worst someone portrays connor as the more enamored i become. maybe i just have a specific hang-up that if i see a character die i immediately become more sympathetic towards them; and seeing connor die like 3 fucking times just caved my skull in. 

but godddd there’s these super tiny things he does that just crawl into my brain and die there like WHAT is this kid’s problem!!! is it the abandonment issues from being passed around foster homes since he was born. is it the paranoia from being constantly stalked by an otherwordly beast his entire life. is he just kind of a dick. WHO KNOWS!!!!! I LOVE HIM

plus i think he’s really fascinating in the context of the slenderverse as a whole. there are plenty of ‘proxies’ (i’d argue he doesn’t count but i’ve seen other people call him such so idk) who do bad things because they’re being controlled. but connor is just... some kid? he was a scared 17 year old with bad morals who only wanted to save himself, and became a monster in the process.

and that’s way more interesting for me to dig into!! he made the choice to harvest other people, he is the one that approached stan for help, he decided to kill people. slenderman was there, yes, and his influence obviously drove connor to desperation but connor was never without control. at any point he could’ve stepped away but didn’t. and it just got worse and worse and worse until it killed him. by the time stan stepped into the picture connor was probably already beyond help. and that just... fuckiening. bro that makes me SAD

and connor ceased to be connor. he’s lines. he’s a corruptleum. connor as a person doesn’t exist in the record. he’s the literal ghost of stan’s past.

it’s sooooooooooo auuuuuuuGHHHHHHHHHHHH *CLAWING AT THE WALLS*

BOY

[whatissleepeven]

50 and 62 for the ask thing?

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever had?

There's a lot of instances that made me laugh hard so I'm gonna go with the most recent one, which actually happened a couple of hours ago. I asked my sister to crack my back by stepping on it as I laid on the ground (reverse corpse pose), and it cracked so much I started laughing. I then told her "bro, I'm not sure I can get up" and started laughing even harder for some reason. I don't know why my back cracking like a dying fire was hilarious; it just...was. I laughed so much my stomach started hurting, and I laid on the floor for another five minutes humoring myself over the fact that I was scared to even attempt to stand up.

62. Seven characters you relate to?

(There's gonna be some Bungou Stray Dogs and Nanbaka spoilers ahead if you aren't up to date with the manga! Consider yourself warned!)

-------

7. Kuro from Servamp. Lazy boi who's a pacifist and loves video games? I know that all too well, my friend. Once he has the drive to do something, he will commit to it. This motivation comes in the form of Mahiru, who is nearly his polar opposite. Kuro wants to be done with the violence; he and Mahiru believe that now is the time to talk things out. He regrets his past actions, and wants to make amends. (It's more apparent when he repairs ties with Lawless, anyhow.)

6. Kunikida Doppo from Bungou Stray Dogs. I go into more detail in #5, but I relate to Kunikida because he's an idealistic man. He doesn't want to see people die in front of him, because he believes that he can save them. He has such a strong spirit and gives off mom vibes. (He honestly needs a break, though.) Despite being intimidating at first, he's actually really gullible (Dazai exploits this) and is scared of ghosts.

5. Heroic Spirit EMIYA from the Fate Series. I already kinda touched on it in another ask thing, but Emiya highly values his ideals. When they end up betraying him, he falls into despair and resolves to kill his younger self so that he wouldn't make the same mistakes. Unlimited Blade Works really hit home for me because I'm an idealistic person, and he showed me that it's unhealthy to base your entire life around your ideals, if that makes sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that ideals shouldn't be the only thing that keeps you going.

4. Tachihara Michizou from Bungou Stray Dogs. He wants revenge on Yosano because of his older brother's death, even though he had grown up in his brother's shadow. His parents were disappointed in him when he didn't do what his brother did, which caused him to get into gangs and stealing. Despite this, he loved his brother very much and wanted to avenge him; in the end, though, he just...couldn't kill Yosano. He simply had lost his way in life. The sibling love and comparison between siblings (unintentional on my parent's part) is something I know all-too well, although I haven't broken the law before. If one of my siblings died, I'd be devastated too. Since I understand why he did what he did (even though I don't approve of some things), I get a little annoyed when people were outright bashing Tachihara for stabbing Gin and Hirotsu. It kinda reminds me of how after the Sanders Sides video Putting Ourselves First came out, people were bashing Roman for his actions without understanding the why. In detective terms, they were too busy looking at the whodunit for the self care issue instead of focusing on the whydunit.

3. Remus from the Web Series Sanders Sides! I know some people get triggered by Intrusive Thoughts, but personally mine are pretty harmless and funny to think about. Remus is this chaotic ball of energy who is just a bit on the childish side. Chaos is my (Crofters) jam, and I always have excess energy despite feeling tired 24/7. (...That didn't make sense, but just roll with it for now!)

2. Musashi from Nanbaka. It was only the most recent chapter (181, I think, or was it 182?) where Jyugo finally understood him, which broke my heart since these two were hurt so much in their pasts. Musashi was framed for something he never did, and his parents were killed by Elf just so that he and the Man With the Scar could acquire Musashi to study his spontaneous combustion. Musashi's life was ripped away from him, he was framed for killing his family, he was experimented on, he was called a monster, and he just...let them. He couldn't justify himself; no one would believe him. (Well, until Kenshirou came along.) Once he told Kenshirou his story, he was genuinely shocked to see Kenshirou trust his word. ...I know what it feels like to not be listened to, and to have people you thought you could trust turn your back on you. You just...give up, after a while. It's damaging to someone's self-esteem, and they start to lose hope that their voice, their pain will reach somebody's ears. Being misunderstood and made the bad guy is such a shitty situation to find yourself in, and I'm glad that Jyugo is now another person who sees Musashi as more than just someone who tried to kill him in the past. As Jyugo said, Musashi didn't even have the intention to kill him from the start. Plus, Musashi is a bean! He just? Loves reading?? Dude same! And he loves learning new things??? Bro me too!! And he has a (seemingly ridiculous but totally valid) fear? HahA ME TOO!!! 10/10 would like to converse about languages with him because I find them fascinating too!

1. Mikoshiba from Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun. I know I put this in the #1 spot, but there are fewer things for me to relate to with him. Mikoshiba is, for all intents and purposes, a whole mood. He's an introverted otaku who just can't talk to girls normally for the life of him, flirts and gets super embarrassed about it, and is probably one of the most sane people in the anime and manga. He has anxiety (seen when he was asked to go to a mixer), which isn't really detrimental to him but certainly holds him back, and he is easily swayed to do what his friends want him to do (...with the right bribes, of course). 10/10 give this boi the love he deserves!

[justfangirlthings2003]

I Loved And I Loved And I - Hanahaki AU

WARNINGS: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH

This is probably the saddest thing I’ve ever written sooo sorry.

AO3 link here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24196216

 NOTES:

So Hanahaki is a very uncommon disease. Like, it was about normal in the past but it died out in the nineteenth/twentieth century. However, it is possible to get but is very very highly unlikely (like 0.00001% of the population have it) so doctors have been taught how to perform the surgery. It is still a very well-known disease.

For the sake of the plot, you can only have the surgery if you give your full consent (because Bruce seems like the type of person to have the surgery done on his son even if they don’t want it - he’ll do whatever it takes to keep them alive) 

I’ve messed up the timelines a lot just so that I can have the Batboys being good bros (but it is an AU fanfic and like Thawne says in the Flash TV Series: The Timeline is malleable) 

Also the Invasion happened but Wally survived because I said so.

When Wally West entered Dick Grayson’s life, he did so in a whirlwind of colour. Dick remembered it clear as day. He was standing around in the Watchtower, twitching in his place. Bruce told him beforehand that he would be meeting Kid Flash that night and as excited as he was that he was going to be meeting a potential new friend, he was filled with anxiety. The kids at school, the rich people that attended Bruce’s galas and the people at the Gotham City Juvenile Delinquent Centre all hated him - called him names like “Gypsy boy” and “Circus Freak” because of his Romani background, tanned complexion and thick accent - so why would someone with literal superpowers like him? Then it happened: the room was filled with reds and golds and oranges - lighting up like a blazing inferno - and when the colours died down, all he could see was a red haired ten year old wearing gold and scarlet and a bright grin. When their eyes met, Dick knew that Kid Flash was going to be special.

_____

Dick was fourteen years old when he realised it. He was lying on his bed, hair mussed and wearing his favourite elephant print pyjamas with mismatched canary yellow and crimson socks, telling his parents about his day. It became kind of a ritual for him to either sit cross-legged in front of the Flying Graysons poster that was pressed protectively by a bulletproof sheet of glass, clutching Zitka against his chest, or to just lay on his Egyptian cotton sheet, just staring at the ceiling as he recounted his day. He was at the part where he and Wally were sitting on a park bench, eating ice cream when he was suddenly struck by an image of his best friend smiling at him with windswept hair. How the late afternoon sun caught on the edges of his ginger hair, embroidering it with gold. How his emerald eyes, framed by amber lashes, suddenly looked much more captivating, more beautiful, and Dick wanted their green gaze on him at all times. He was suddenly struck by the urge to grab Wally’s cheeks, to trace the pads of his thumbs along his galaxy of freckles and kiss him until -

Wait, what?

Did he seriously think about Wally like that? About kissing him? Wallace Rudolph West - his best friend - the guy that ran into a wall the first time they met, the guy who makes terrible science puns and flirts with anyone that moves and thinks nine times out of ten with his stomach than his head and is smart and loyal and funny and kind and the most amazing person Dick has ever met.

Uh oh. He’s in trouble.

_____

The trouble with falling in love with your best friend is knowing that nothing would change but everything will. If they started dating, they would still have movie nights, eat terrible junk food and spend hours on end playing video games but if Dick confessed and Wally didn’t reciprocate then he ruins one of the best relationships he’s ever had just because of a few hormones. And - oh God - what if Wally feels guilty? What if Wally thought that he was leading Dick on, making him think that he liked him like that? What if he started beating himself up for breaking Dick’s heart? 

No.

Dick would just have to stay silent. To just hope that his attraction with his (absolutely amazing in every way) best friend was just a silly little teenage crush and will just go away in time. After all, Batman says that the mission comes first.

___

“Hey, Dick.”

“Yeah, Wally.”

“We’re gonna be bestest friends forever and ever, right.”

“‘Course we are. Why wouldn’t we be?”

“D’ya pinky promise?”

“What’s a pinky promise?”

“It’s what the kids do at school. It’s when you put your pinky fingers together and make a promise and you must never ever break it.”

“Why? Do you die if you do?”

“No, I don’t think so. But it’s just really really bad if you do. Like stepping on a puppy’s tail bad. So do ya wanna do it.”

“‘Course I do.”

“To being bros forever.”

Dick smiled at the ten year old in front of him as he interlocked their pinkies, “Bros forever.”

___

“Yo, Dick, I need your help,” Wally said to him after the Team had completed a mission in New York where this generic mad scientist villain was using robots to terrorize the city and commit crimes. Wally managed to nab a damaged drone as a souvenir and now Dick was in the process of reassembling it and turning it into a robot that shoots out chocolate sauce. Wally was adorably confused when he looked over the acrobat’s plans but Dick told him that it was going to be asterous.  

There’s another thing about falling in love with your best friend: you can’t exactly escape them. You spend time with them everyday which makes you notice things: like how their eyes crinkle at the sides when they smile, how their voice always goes up around three octaves when they’re embarrassed, how they always bite their bottom lip when they’re nervous. Dick always noticed these things about everyone, Bruce had him doing character profiles since he first started training as Robin (no, seriously. The day he met the League, he was told to give a full analysis of their characters, as well as possible strengths and weaknesses and ways to take them down, the moment he returned home. He was eight) so that he could always find out everything he needed to know about a person within ten seconds, but earlier he just noticed them - now he noticed them and it made him feel all kinds of butterflies in his stomach.

“Names, KF,” Dick chided without looking up from where he was turning a screw, regardless of the fact that they were in his room that was encased with 20 cm of lead so no one with super-hearing could figure out their identities.

“Oops, sorry, Rob. Anyway, I need your help.”

“Shoot.”

“I wanna ask out Artemis.”

Dick almost dropped his screwdriver. He looked at his best friend, who was standing by the door of his room. That red hue that covered his cheeks was so adorable that Dick barely resisted the urge of getting up and kissing the daylights out of him. But wait, no. Artemis. Right, Wally wants to ask out Artemis, not him. Honestly, he could see it. They were always trading insults with no real heat. He guessed all of that teasing was unresolved romantic attraction, a courting ritual for superheroes - Catwoman has always had a bantering relationship with Batman.

“Okay, why are you here then?”

“I don’t really know how to ask out girls.”

“You flirt with M’gann all the time.”

“Yeah, flirt. Not ask out. Or like, date.” (Date. Why does that word hurt so much?)

“Neither do I.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

“You’re the son of a playboy billionaire. You must know something.”

“Well… (Dick? Dick? What are you doing?) You could practice on me.” (What?! Why the hell would you say that, Grayson?)

“Al-alright then,” Wally let out a deep exhale and strode directly in front of Dick with a smirk on his face, “So, ughh, hey. Wanna go out for ice cream later or something? (Yes. Yes, God, yes.) Yeah, that felt right. I think I’m gonna go ask her now. Thanks, Rob. You’re the best!”

 When Wally hugged him, all he wanted to do was melt into that comforting warmth and stay there forever.

___

Batman made sure to prepare him for everything - how to survive kidnapping if you’ve lost your sight, what to do if you’re stranded in the middle of nowhere with limited supplies, where to go if the League had been compromised by their evil alternate dimension counterparts (apparently something happened before he came into the picture, something about a good Lex Luthor and the Crime Syndicate?) - but he could never have been prepared for his first heartbreak.

__

Dick was no stranger to pain; he likes to think of pain as some sort of old friend - in a weird, twisted way - because it’s the only thing in his life that was constant. The only thing that he could rely on to always be there for him, that would never truly leave him. Yes, he knew that that mindset was unhealthy, but he held onto it because to get rid of pain was like getting rid of a shadow - impossible and only attainable in absolute darkness, when you’ve lost all sense of direction.

Dick walked into the communal area, ready to have a fun-filled day with his best bro in the universe. Ever since Wally and Artemis had gotten together, all of their bro-time had seemed to be on the back burner: afternoons spent with Dick hunched over pizza and trading pixelated blows on Barry and Iris’ TV were replaced with movie dates with Artemis, hanging out in the park with him with trips with her to the mall, playing basketball in the court in the Manor gardens with days spent at diners and cafes with her - hell, he can’t even sit next to him because everytime he entered a room where Wally was, she was snuggled up next to him with her head on his shoulder (the same shoulder Dick used to cry on after a nightmare). He longed for the days the two of them would have karaoke sessions, heads banging vigorously up and down as they strummed their air guitars like their lives depended on it and screaming old 80s bops until their throats ached but even when they were together it was like all of the red head’s attention was on her, what with him on his phone either texting her every five minutes or having hour long conversations or simply just directing every conversation to be about her (“Hey Dick, where do you think I should Artemis for date night?”, “God, why does she always talk about my eating habits? I’m a speedster - I need the extra energy for my enhanced metabolism. Girls, honestly.”, “Oh my god, Dick, you should’ve seen the look on Arty’s face when I hit her during our date at the paintball arena. You were right, she loved it.”). The more time he spent with her, the more he was pushing Dick away with a sheepish “maybe later, dude” and Dick gets it. Artemis was a brilliant fighter, a real asset to the team. She wasn’t broken and had mental breakdowns and panic attacks at inconvenient times - it’s no wonder Wally prefered to be with her. He always thought that maybe the only reason Wally was with him was because of his sad backstory - the poor orphaned circus boy who watched his parents die at eight years old - it was enough to make anyone take pity on him. So he just did what anyone would do, he smiled and nodded (he’s a performer - has been since he’s learned how to walk - acting happy is just another role he has to play, another way of keeping his audience interested), gave his advice and hoped and prayed that it was enough to make sure he wasn’t left in Wally’s dust.

“Hey, Wally,” he greeted, walking up to them. Normally, before the days of Artemis, he would leap onto the couch cushions from behind and spring into a forwards flip from his hands and land on his feet in front of Wally with a smile but the last time he did that the blonde archer got annoyed so he stopped.

“Oh, Robin. Hey there, what’s up?” Wally asked as Artemis shifted her position so that she could place an arm around his torso, pressing herself against him more firmly.

“Well, I was wondering if you were ready for our hangout.” Dick replied casually, pulling out his cool cocky Boy Wonder persona when in reality he knew he was going to be blown off again (You never used to pretend in front of him before), “I’ve got ten different Barbie movies lined up and two boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts with your name on them.”

“Uh, actually, man, I can’t make it today,” Wally said, his tone apologetic, “I already promised Arty that I’d take her to the Weapons Museum today. I was going to tell you after I bought the tickets but I guess it just slipped my mind.”

“Wait, you guys watch Barbie movies,” Artemis piped in amusement, her nose scrunched as she gave a huff of laughter, “aren’t those for like little six year old girls that wear tutus and ribbons around their pigtails and dream of being fairy princesses when they grow up.”

“Yeah, we do,” Dick didn’t mean to sound defensive but he didn’t appreciate her tone. His masculinity wasn’t so toxic and fragile that he’d deny liking something that was classed as feminine - he grew up in a travelling circus, where gender roles didn’t matter (the bearded lady back at Haly’s was one of the most awesome people eight year old Dick knew). He loved watching The Island Princess with Wally - he totally related to Rosa trying so hard to please the upper class royal families despite not fitting in and being called ‘uncivilised’. Plus it had a talking elephant, which was awesome.

Wally cocked his head and made a noise at the back of his throat, “It’s less of us watching them and more of us laughing at how cliche the plots are.”

Dick looked at him. Is that what he really thought? He remembered belting out ‘I’m just a girl like you’ with Wally as Princess and the Pauper playing on the giant IMAX screen in the Wayne Manor theatre room. Did he secretly hate it? Just pretended to have fun to spare Dick’s feelings? 

“I’m really sorry, dude,” Wally said, looking uncomfortable as he rubbed the back of his neck, “We can hang out tomorrow or something, right?” Poor Wally, he sounded so genuinely sorry. Dick didn’t want to be a burden, didn’t want their hangouts to be a chore Wally must fulfil. So he just smirked.

“Seriously, bro, I get it. I’ve got some stuff to do at home as well anyways. Been meaning to touch up on my aerial skills for some time actually. Now you guys have a fun time. I’m gonna be bob bob bobbin’ along.”

He’s happy for Wally, he really is. What sort of best friend would he be if he wasn’t? When Wally is with Artemis, he seems joyful, light, giving her smiles that he only used to give him. Wally deserved to be happy and if he was happier with Artemis, even by an atom’s amount, then who was he to deny him that?

——

One of the reasons Dick was at the top of his Advanced Mathematics class and award-winning Mathlete was because he genuinely loved Maths (and being at the top of everything was one of Bruce’s expectations). Back home, at the circus, he remembered having math teachers from around the world - he was the youngest there and everyone made sure to give him an education that he found was much better than the American school system. The acrobats, tightrope walkers and unicyclists taught him about physics and forces required for balance, the plate spinners, knife throwers and cannon-blasters taught him how math was an integral part of performance. Even the musicians and dancers would explain how numbers were important in their acts. He remembered how his six year old self was sat down in front of a group of  daredevils (he always loved watching them zip around in their Globe of Death)  and was taught everything he needed to know about a motorcycle: how it ran, how it was assembled, all the physics and mechanics behind it. He knew from then on that he definitely liked maths. Well, he’s got to anyway - being an aerialist means that you’ve got to know all this stuff about trajectories and aerodynamics and forces and motion and stuff.

But the best thing about Maths was that it was constant, never changes. Two plus two equals four, it has always equalled four and always will equal four. Dick is certain that if he were to build a time machine and go a thousand years into the future, two plus two would still make four. That's why he loves numbers so much: they don’t lie or change or forget you. You can rely on them. With numbers and equations, you’ll always get a right answer - with people you only get a not wrong answer. He may be a dynamic performer, a world-class actor that can never sit still - always willing to contort and change for the sake of his audience - but for once he wants the comfort of permanence. 

____

“Dick,” Wally said solemnly one day. The two of them were sitting on the edge of the top of Dick’s apartment building, dressed in civvies, watching the sky and the hustle and bustle of the city. It was one of the rare days Dick and Wally could hang out - what with Wally at college and Dick patrolling Bludhaven both as Nightwing and Officer Grayson - and Dick wanted to make the most of it: the two of them went to Happy Harbour and spent the two hours they had playing at the Arcade and stuffing their mouths with whatever they could get their hands on. If Dick tried really hard, he could pretend that they were 14 and 16 again and Wally was his and only his. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it,” Dick asked cautiously. Wally’s expression was too serious, it looked wrong and out of place - nothing at all like the goofy kid who stuck science themed stickers on every surface he owned and covered his room in glow in the dark stars so that the two of them could pretend to be intrepid voyagers snuggled up inside their tent - a hastily made blanket fort - with a flashlight that bore the Flash symbol.

“We - well, Artemis and I - we’ve been thinking. And trust me it’s got nothing to do with you, okay, absolutely nothing. But, well, it took me a long time to get to this decision and I think that it’s the right thing to do. So, well, what I guess what I’m trying to say is I’mquittingtheteam.”

“What did you say,” Dick whispered in shock. He knew exactly what his best friend said - after knowing him since he was ten he’s become fluent in Wally-speak - but he had to make sure-

“Artemis and I,” Wally breathed out, “We’re … leaving the team.”

“What? Why?” Dick tried to mask his panic but all he could hear was ‘leavingleavingI’mleavingtheteamI’mleavingyou’ over and over again in his head.

“It’s just that, well, it’s just that I’m moving to Palo Alto so that I can go to Stanford Uni and it’s gonna be a bit of a hassle living a double life.”

“It’s alright,” Dick said quickly, feeling his eyes start to brim with water, “I’m - I’m sure that The League would understand if you wanna take a few off days. Not everyone there’s like Bruce.”

“The thing is I don’t want to be Kid Flash anymore, you know. I don’t want to live a life where I could die any time I go out on the field. I just want to be Wally West: a college student trying to get into the CSI and lead a normal life. Sure I wanted to save the world back when I was a kid, but that was just a childish dream - I, I want to just be normal. (yeah, all the way in California. Away from me). I’m not going to be going away or anything (are you sure?). You know that right (do I?). I’ll still be there for you (LIES).”

Dick smiled and lied through his teeth, ignoring the feeling of hot tears streaming down his cheeks, “Hey, I’m good (you were never there for me anyway, were you just practicing for this moment?). I get it, the superhero life isn’t for everyone. You should do what you want. If you need any help I’ll be right here in ‘Haven.”

“Thanks man, you’re the best (“Thanks, Rob. You’re the best!” a teenaged Wally West said before he ran off to ask Artemis out). You supporting me really means a lot.” Just then a ‘ding’ cut into the silence and Wally fished his phone out of his pocket, “Aww man, it’s Arty. I best get going.” and with that he was gone, leaving a whoosh of breeze in his place.

The last time he felt this abandoned was when he watched a man and woman fall to their deaths. He supposes that Wally and his parents are similar like that. They both are going to be in a better place. It just so happens that the better place in question doesn’t include him.

He’s been tortured by the Joker, beaten to near death by Two Face, and was left in a pool of his own blood by the Penguin but none of that physical pain could ever come close to the anguish he feels when he watches Wally leave. The agony fills him up to the brim and he can’t - he can’t breathe. He races down the stairwell of the roof and slams the door of his apartment open. The sound of the handle banging against the wall is lost on him as he heaves over his bathroom sink. He looks at his red-eyed, tear-stained reflection in the mirror. In the sink, lilac petals clung onto sticky red blood.

—————

“Hanahaki Disease:” Dick’s computer screen read, “The term hanahaki comes from the Japanese words hana (花), which means "flower", and hakimasu (吐きます), which means "to throw up”. Hanahaki Disease is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but once surgery is undergone, the victim loses all feelings of affection (both romantic and platonic) as well as the ability to ever love again. 

The victim's lungs get filled with the flowers and roots grow in their respiratory system. It often develops over months or even years, beginning with coughing up a few petals and growing in intensity (and pain) until the victim is vomiting entire flowers, by which point the disease has entered its final stages. The rate at which the disease worsens and spreads throughout the body is specific to the individual. The longest case was Danielle Chamberlain (1801 - 1834) who had it for 10 years and the shortest case was Akai Shimizu (1914 - 1931) who died after two weeks.” *

Well.

He’s screwed.

______

When he was about to go to bed after a night of patrol, he lay in bed in the darkness, staring at the ceiling. He turned on his phone and pressed the playlist he and Wally made when they were kids. ABBA came out of the speaker:

Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find

I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind…

____

The love you gave me, nothing else can save me

S. O. S.

When you're gone

How can I even try to go on?

When you're gone

Though I try, how can I carry on?

___

It was Wally’s birthday party and Dick stood in the corner of the restaurant Barry had reserved for the occasion. The only people in the building were the old team, Barry, Iris, Clark and Bruce. And Roy was there too, which was nice. When Wally was egged on to do a birthday speech before he cut the cake, he spoke about how lucky he is to have so many amazing friends and such an awesome girlfriend. When the redhead gave her a peck on the cheek, Dick’s stomach gave a lurch as he could feel the inevitable cough building up his throat. He tried to excuse himself as he made way into a disabled bathroom and locked himself in there. After coughing out a cluster of chrysanthemum petals - and holy cow, that’s a lot of blood - he carefully opened the door to find himself face to face with a concerned Roy Harper.

“Everything good there, Dickie?”

“Wha- oh, yeah. I’m fine.”

Roy raised an eyebrow, “You sure? ‘Cause I heard retching and you don’t look too hot.”

“I guess I might have food poisoning. I did eat some old Ramen for lunch yesterday.”

Roy did not look convinced. He never really stopped being Dick’s older brother, even after he left the team. Sometimes the two of them would trade text messages when they’re not too busy. He loved Roy so much (not as much as Wally) and he was sure that Roy loved him. The red haired archer would always make sure to check up on him when the date of his parents death anniversary would arrive. He wondered how long it would take for Roy to get fed up with him.

“I think that you should go home and get some rest.”

“What, Roy? No, I can’t. This is Wally’s birthday and he’ll be crushed if I go (as if). What sort of friend would I be if I leave? Plus, I hardly get to see him otherwise,” noticing how high and desperate his voice sounded, he quickly added, “you know, what with him in college and me working as a police officer and everything.”

…

“Sure... Look, Dick, I’m sure Wally would understand if you go. Your health is more important than a party (no it’s not. Why would I matter to anyone?). Just go home, alright. I’ll save you a slice of cake.”

Contrary to popular belief, Dick knew a losing battle when he saw one, “Alright, Roy, I’ll head off. Just do me a favour, okay. Don’t mention me being too unwell to B. You know how he gets. I don’t want him or Alfred getting too worried.”

“Sure thing, bird brain,” Roy smirked but his eyes still had that concerned, protective look in them. He clamped his hand onto Dick’s shoulder, “just remember, though, that it’s okay to have people worrying about you.”

Dick gave a toothy smile he didn’t feel at all, “‘Course I will.”

_

“Yo, Goldie. Open up.” Jason yelled as he pounded on the apartment door, “C’mon Dickolas, I’m freezing out here.”

“Jason, quit yelling,” Tim whispered sharply to the older vigilante, aware of how loud his knocking is.

“Tt, I don’t see why we can’t just enter the apartment. It’s not like Grayson would be angry, he’s forever asking us to visit.”

“Yeah but the fact that he isn’t answering the door is really concerning,” Tim said, mostly to himself, “Jason - quit banging, you’re going to wake all of his neighbours - just use the spare key he gave you.”

“Alright, alright. Keep your hair on.” 

And with that Jason opened the door and the boys entered the apartment.

“Big Bird?”

“Dick, are you alright. Roy called us. He said you weren’t feeling well. He sounded really worri-”

“GRAYSON!”

Jason and Tim immediately looked at each other when they heard Damian’s shout from his position outside of Dick’s bathroom before rushing to meet him. The youngest’s horrified face was pale and his terrified eyes were staring straight at something that when they followed the line of sight made them freeze.

Dick was collapsed over his commode, breathing heavily as if every breath he took caused him immense pain. Splashes of blood and petals were leading up to him like a horrific trail and his dark hair was matted against his pallid face.

“Dick!” Tim cried as he ran towards Dick and crouched beside him.

“Ti’m?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s Tim.”

“Wha’ - wh’ryu-?”

“Roy,” Jason answered, looking uncharacteristically scared himself as he sat himself down on the other side of his brother, “he called us and said that you weren’t well. We tried to call you but you weren’t answering so we came to check up on you. Why didn’t you tell us you had Hanahaki?”

“I didn’t want you guys to worry. I didn’t realise how bad it was-” he was then cut off as he retched more blood and petals into the toilet bowl as Tim rubbed circles into his back.

“Who is it?” Tim asked.

“It’s Wally, isn’t it.” Jason said. It was a statement, not a question.

“How - how did you?”

“It’s kind of obvious,” Jason shrugged, acting nonchalant but failing to get rid of that fearful look in his eye, “Even when I was Robin, I could tell you had the hots for him.”

 Dick wiped away the blood dripping down his chin,“You guys can’t tell Bruce.”

“What do you mean we cannot tell Father?!” Damian cried, “We can get you cured.”

“Damian,” Dick looked at his positively shaken brother, “do you know what Hanahaki is?”

“Yes, of course -“

“Then you know why I can’t tell Bruce. If I tell him, he’ll force me to get the surgery.”

“But, Dick, you don’t need to. You could just con-”

The eldest cut Tim off, “I can’t confess Tim. He doesn’t want me. I can’t just force him to be with me.”

“Then you just need to-”

“I’m not getting the surgery either. I just can’t”

“I don’t want you to die Dick,” Tim immediately burst into tears as he roughly embraced the man. Dick held him close, whispering comforts into his little brother’s hair, when he saw that Damian had tears running down his own cheeks. He held open an arm and he youngest dived into Dick’s side and hugged him as well.

Dick looked at Jason imploringly, “You can’t tell Bruce. Please.”

Jason’s jaw was set, his eyes firm but he relented at the sight of his brother’s bloodstained face.

“Okay.”

__

Dick sat cross-legged in front of two identical graves, the rain pouring down heavily onto his body. He felt someone stand behind him.

“Dick?” Wally asked, “Is everything alright? Is there anything you need?”

“Could you stay here? For a bit?”

“Of course I will,” Wally sat down beside him and held him close, “I’ll always be there when you need me.”

__

One night, Jason decided to go visit Dick after spending his patrol taking down a drug cartel. He had called the first Robin previously but the man didn’t answer his calls. All 20 of them. After a conversation with Tim, he found that he wasn’t responding to any attempts made to contact him and that his tracker showed that he was still in his apartment. Entering Dick’s apartment through the window, he cautiously stepped into his brother’s living room and his heart dropped to his stomach.

Dick was slumped against a wall with his eyes closed. Trails of scarlet liquid dripping down his mouth and chin dropping onto the pool of  blood, chrysanthemums that surrounded him. Bottles of gin were littered across the floor around him, which was what shocked him the most - Dick was not a heavy drinker. He called alcohol a trapeze artist’s worst nightmare.

(“Alcohol makes you lose focus,” Dick said, “losing focus means losing balance and grip. The moment you lose focus, you lose your life.”)

“What the hell happened here, Big Bird?” Jason asked in worry. He crouched in front of one of the strongest people he ever knew and gently shook him. Dick’s eyes were flickering open. Their baby blues were dim, misty, lacking their usual brightness and warmth - everything about them that made them Dick’s. 

“Wha - Jay! What areya do-doin’ here?” Dick’s voice was garbled, confused and Jason felt a surge of protectiveness rush inside his veins. “You don’t - don’t gotta be here. I’m - I’m fi-ine.”

Jason took in his infallible older brother’s haggard form - his unusually pale face and the dark rings around his eyes) and sighed, “I need alcohol.”

______

“I just - I thought he might have cared about - about me.” Dick sniffed tearfully, words still slurring even a half hour later, “But no he only cared about her. “I’m worried about Artemis” what about me?! I - I was so sc-scared, Jason. My - my team was in danger, an-and I already lost you, I - I couldn’t - couldn’t lose anyone else. And - and I was all by myself and I - I - I just couldn’t-” he broke down crying, clutching Jason’s shirt like a lifeline. Jason’s arm immediately stroked Dick’s shaking back, making sure to pat his hair as well.

“Shh, shh. It’s okay Dickie. I’m here, just let it out,” Jason murmured soothingly.

“All I ever wanted was to be- be friends again. But no matter how hard I tried, he-he just - he just kept pushing me away. I know that I’m not good enough for- for Bruce, but I thought that - that maybe, I was enough for him.” He then started crying again, his words slipping from English into a mix of Romani, French, Spanish, Italian, Arabic, German and every other language he learned at Haly’s. Jason was still swiping his hand down the curve of his spine. After he composed himself somewhat, “He was my first - my first friend after my - my parents. He- he said he’d - he’d be there for me. We p-promised to be b-bros. We pink-pinkie promised an’ ev’rythin. I told him ev-evrythin: ‘bout my p-parents, my night-nightmares. I even told him ab-about that time I killed the Joker.”

Wait, hold up.

“You killed the Joker?”

“Ye-yeah,” Dick wiped his nose with his sleeve as his voice became a whisper, “I thought he killed Tim and started - started taunting me about your death and I couldn’t just stand back so I saw red. Next thing I know, I beat him to death. Batman revived him when he arrived”

“Dick..”

“When I saw him I I ju- just couldn’t help myself. You know what he said when I hit him? “I hit Jason a lot harder”.”

“God, Dick.” Jason was quiet for a second before saying, “Did you use a crowbar? Because if you did, I really would’ve appreciated the poetic justice.”

“Jay-”

“Yeah. Bad timing. I just can’t believe you killed the Joker”

“I couldn’t let him get away with what he did. No one’s allowed to hurt my little brother and gets away with it.”

Dick then coughed up more blood and petals. Jason held him close as he apologised between sobs.

————

John Grayson hissed in pain as his wife dabbed the blood stained wet cloth on the cut on his face. A few minutes ago, his cheek was sliced by a drunkard with a broken bottle that was harassing a few of the circus folk after a show. Dick sat on his father’s lap, hugging him tearfully.

“Why - why did that man do that?” He asked his parents.

“Because he didn’t like us,” Mary replied. She placed a bandage on her husband’s wounded cheek and kissed it.

“But why, Mami?” 

“Because he was scared of us.”

“Why would he be scared of us?”

“Because we’re different, păsărică (little bird), and that makes him scared. People don’t like difference because it’s new, they can’t understand it and when people can’t understand anything they get scared.”

“So that’s why he hurt Tati? Because he was scared?”

“Yes, draga mea (my darling). Fear makes people do terrible things, Dick. It makes people lie, cheat and kill. Many people consider it to be the strongest force on Earth.”

“Do you think it is?”

“No. Because I know the one thing that’s stronger than fear.”

“And what’s that Mami?”

“Love. Love is the most powerful thing a person can have. It’s what stops fear from consuming you. When your heart is full of love then your life is full of light and happiness. When you feel love, you can do anything. So remember, my little Robin, to always keep love in your heart because when someone loses their ability to love, they lose their ability to be a human and their life is plunged in darkness.”

“Don’t worry Mami. I’ll never forget.”

———-

His siblings decided that enough was enough. They came clean to Bruce and forced Dick to come to the Manor. Well it was less of a force and more of tranquilising him and carrying his body to Gotham, but semantics. He awoke later in his bedroom at the Manor, hooked onto some sort of monitor. Bruce, of course, was furious.

“How could you have kept this from me?”

“Because I know how you would react. You’d make me get the surgery.”

“Of course I would. You’re my son. You are not going to die.” Bruce said the last part with such conviction.

“No, Bruce.”

“Dick, if you don’t get the surgery, you’ll die!” Tim yelled, every world laced in pain.

“Don’t you see, Tim,” Dick argued back, “if I get the surgery, I’ll die anyway. I’ll never feel love ever again. I’ll never be able to feel that comfort when I remember my parents, that pride when I find out that Dami’s won another award, that warmth in my chest every time I’m with my friends, my family. I’ll be looking straight at my family’s faces every single day but I’d never be able to tell them I love them ever again. That’s not the person my parents raised. I’ll be alive, but I won’t be living. I won’t be Dick Grayson, I’ll just be a man that looks like your brother.”

“That’s alright,” Tim replied back, his voice hysterical with desperation. If it weren’t for the fact that Dick was hooked onto the machine, he would’ve thrown his arms around his little bird, “You’ll still be our brother even if you don’t love us. We’ll still love you.”

“No, Tim.”

“So that’s it then,” Jason said bitterly, “you’re going to give up your life just because one idiot speedster doesn’t love you.”

“Listen to yourself Grayson,” Damian yelled, tears streaming down his face and oh did Dick want to get up and hug him as well, “you speak as if your love for West is worth dying for but isn’t your love for us worth living for?”

“I do love you guys, Dami. I love you all so much. That’s why I can’t get the surgery. Because you all deserve a brother that can tell you that every single day of your life. You all speak like me not loving you won’t hurt you and maybe it won’t. Maybe for the first few months it won’t. But what about in two years, three years, he’ll even ten years in the future, you mean to tell me that you won’t be able to handle it. That you won’t resent me for never being able to give you a hug, never ruffling your hair comforting you when you're sad, you’ll be able to live with me acting as if you’re nothing to me. You wouldn’t love me, you’ll tolerate me like I’m some sort of burden and I refuse to be a burden on anyone

“You won’t be a burden,” Tim whispered, as his own tears stained his shirt, “you’ll be our brother.”

That night, both Tim and Damian slept on either side of their older brother with Jason lying on a mattress beside them.

——-

“YOU CHEATED!”

“Jay-bird, how can I cheat? It’s snakes and ladders.”

“I don’t care. I still say that you cheated.”

“Oh come on-”

“Dick!”

Jason and Dick were interrupted from their good-natured bickering by the sound of a very familiar voice. They both swivelled their heads to the source of it to see a very bedraggled Wally West standing at the doorway of Dick’s room.

“Dick. I-I heard the news. I came to see- are- are you alright?”

“Wally West,” Jason stated darkly, “you’re the person that’s supposed to be his best friend.”

“What?” Wally looked confused as Dick gave him a sharp look as if to say ‘Don’t’.

Jason ignored him as he stared straight at the older man, “You heard me. I thought friends were supposed to watch out for each other. I guess the definition changed after I got put into the ground.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jason, enough,” Dick hissed.

“What I’m talking about, Wallace, is your complete inability to be a decent human being. What I’m talking about is how you think that you can waltz in here all willy-nilly and act like you haven’t spent years pushing Dick away.”

“What? I haven’t been-”

“Oh, you haven’t. Well, silly me. It’s just that I thought ignoring someone for months on end constitutes on pushing away. Like seriously, with friends like you, who needs enemies?”

“What’s your problem?”

“I don’t like watching Dick get hurt.”

“Yet, when you guys met again the first thing you did was try to shoot him.”

“Enough!” Dick yelled, “Please. I’m going through a lot right now and the last thing I want to hear is my brother arguing with my best friend. If you’re going to argue can you please do it outside.”

“Alright then,” Jason says as he grabs Wally’s hand and drags him to his own room, “C’mon West, there’s a lot I want to say to you.”

After Jason closed the door, Wally started, “What’s your deal?”

“My deal?” Jason laughs with no humour, “My deal is that you’ve been a s***ty friend to my big brother and I don’t stand for it. He needed you and you abandoned him when he needed you the most. He loves you more than everything and you can’t spare him the time of day. You were his best friend and the first person he ever trusted after the League and Alfred and you go around for years acting like he doesn’t exist! He drops everything for you! No matter where he is or what he’s doing, he’s always been there for you. The Pit may have messed up my head but I still remember this one time back when I was Robin. We had been in a burning building and he sacrificed himself for me. The idiot pushed me away when a wall was gonna collapse on me and trapped himself under it whilst yelling at me to escape. By the time Bruce got to him he was out. Was hooked on the breathing equipment for two days. The moment he got his phone back was when you called about something to do with Artemis and he stayed on the line for two whole hours listening to you and never once mentioned about how he almost died. Well now he’s dying! My brother’s been dying for a while now but you were too busy playing happy families with your girlfriend to even notice!”

Wally just looked horrified as he whispered, “I - I didn’t mean to push him away. I’ve been so busy and-”

“Really,” Jason raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed, “you know, I always thought you never deserved him. To be honest I don’t think anyone deserves to have Dick in their life. To this day I still ask myself what good did Bruce ever do to have someone like him. He takes so much s*** from everyone and refuses to do anything about it. No matter how hurt he gets, he’ll always forgive you. He is just too good for us. Maybe that’s what this is. Maybe it’s the universe’s way of taking him back, of saving him from getting hurt again. Like it’s saying “I gave you a gift and you didn’t treat it right so now I’m taking it back. You had your chance and now it’s too late”. Tell me West, if he wasn’t lying on his deathbed, would you even be here. Or would you still be living in your happy little bubble without giving a s*** about the person that has always stood by you.”

His voice went low and quiet as he stood directly in front of the red head, using the few inches he had over him to loom over him as he clutched the front of Wally’s shirt, “The only reason that I’m not throwing you out of here is because Dick cares about you and I prioritise my brother over revenge. But listen here, if you say or do anything from this moment forth that upsets him in any way, I’ll make sure that you can’t take a step in Gotham without one of the bats going after you.”

“Understood,” Wally nodded, tears in his eyes, looking angry, aghast and ashamed at his behaviour. 

____

“Dick, I’m sorry. God, I’m so so sorry.”

“Wally, it’s okay. Really.”

“No. No, it’s not okay. You’ve got to stop making excuses for everyone.”

“Wally-”

“No, Dick, please. I’ve got to say this. Ever since I started dating Artemis I’ve been a terrible friend. Don’t try to deny it, it’s the truth. I kept blowing you off and pushing you away and you just wanted to spend time with me. I was so happy to have started dating, I didn’t realise that I was hurting my best friend. And I’m so sor-”

“Wally,” Dick cut in, “it’s okay. Really. You have your own life. I couldn’t expect you to drop everything for me.”

“You drop everything for everyone.”

“Yeah, and I’m cool with that. Listen, I forgive you, alright. I got to terms with it ages ago,” Dick was smiling at him, his tone bearing no resentment and his eyes filled with warmth, “so can you please stop apologising and tell me about your life.”

______

That night, after Wally had left with promises of returning soon (“Why should you believe him?” a voice asked cynically, “he’s made promises before. He promised that he’ll always be there for you, that he’ll always have your back. Fat lot of good those promises were.”) Jason had sat beside him. Both of them were reading quietly, finding comfort in the silence and the constant beeps of the heart monitor.

“Jason?” Dick inquired after a while, not looking up from his well-worn copy of the Robin Hood novel his mother and father gifted to him on his seventh birthday.

Jason grunted in response, eyes still trained on his own book.

Dick took that as a reason to continue, “Why did you say those things to Wally?”

Jason looked him straight in the eye and replied, “Because no one hurts my big brother and gets away with it.”

The silence continued for a second before Dick spoke up, “Do you think you could read your book to me?”

The other vigilante raised an eyebrow, “You want to hear about The Reign of Terror.”

“Jay-bird, I’m an uncultured gypsy circus freak that Bruce Wayne took in as a charity case and you’re a street rat from Crime Alley that was yet another charity case. Nothing would be a better way for us to bond than to hear about anarchy and revolution against the bourgeoisie. Nothing brings together two people better than discussions of Class Warfare. Besides, it might give us ideas for Bruce’s next stupid gala.”

“True that,” Jason flipped to the front page and began, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness..”

_____

Later on, after a night of patrol, when Tim and Damian came to Dick’s room, they found him asleep with a softly snoozing Jason holding him protectively.

_____

“I love you, Dick,” Bruce whispered as he traced the back of Dick’s hand with his thumb, eyes boring into his sons, “I know that I don’t say it enough. You don’t hear it any where close to as much ass you deserve to. But I love you so much. You’re my son, my light. You were the one who pulled me out of the darkness. I can’t lose you, Robin.”

Dick’s eyes were watering and lips, trembling, “I’m not getting it, B.”

“Please. Please for me. I know I’ve already asked you for a lot, more than I should. But please consider it. For me, for your brothers, for your family. Just - please just consider it.”

Dick took a breath, “Sure, I’ll think about it.”

Bruce smiled tearfully, “Thank you, chum.”

He leaned down, cupped his son’s cheek and kissed his forehead.

____

“I have an idea,” Damian declared after removing another block from their Jenga tower. He, Jason and Tim were huddled around him on the bed. They spent the entire day playing every game they could think of - Bluff (“To enhance our body reading skills of course”), Taboo (“Jason, quit squeezing that thing before I throw my mug at you”), Uno (yeah, they had to stop three minutes in to prevent Damian from attacking Tim because of another plus four) before deciding on Jenga. When Tim got the box out, Dick proclaimed that he thought that the plain brown pieces of wood were ‘too boring’ and ‘lacked personality’ so the four of them used Damian’s art set as well as Dick’s old paints to decorate them. The end result was like something out of a Picasso painting, all conflicting colours that stuck out everywhere, but Dick thought it was the most beautiful creation on Earth.

“What is it?” Tim inquired as he removed a yellow brick that was covered with small smiley faces. He released the breath he was holding as the tower wobbled but stayed standing.

“We kill West.”

“What, Damian?” Dick exclaims, startled by Damian’s blunt reply. Whilst his youngest brother hasn’t made his negative feelings for the speedster unknown, it was unlike him to so casually speak of his murder - at least around him. “How could you say that.”

“The reason you are … in this condition” - they all flinched at the unheard ‘dying’ - “is due to West not reciprocating your feelings towards him. If he were no longer in the picture, there would be no reason for there to be unreciprocated feelings and you shall be cured.”

Dick’s eyes softened, “Damian, it doesn’t work like that. I won’t stop loving him even if he’s dead. And even if it did work, you can’t just kill him because it’ll save me. The reason I’m lying on this bed is because of me and me alone. None of it is his fault.”

“Why do you even love him?” Jason asked, “After all he’s done?”

“I don’t know,” Dick mused, he took out a brick near the foundation of the structure (a bright red one that had the words ‘BATMAN SUCKS’ scribbled on in black marker) - making it unstable and unable to hold up - and watched their carefully crafted tower crumble, “I guess the one thing I’m good at is getting hurt.”

——-

That night Dick was tossing and turning, unable to sleep. He couldn’t get much rest anyway, he’d be abruptly woken up by the bloodied petals that would burst out of his mouth like a geyser. Lo and behold, his body shook as he coughed, blood splattering onto his fingertips. He stared at the red that trickled down onto his palm. He remembered reading Macbeth back in Middle School and always wondered about Lady Macbeth - how she spent night after night plagued by her own guilt, perpetually washing her hands to get rid of the imagined bloodstains. He wondered how she felt to be trapped in her own nightmare, to lose control of her own mind. How much sleep she sacrificed. What she must have thought as she climbed the steps of the tower. How she must have felt when she jumped off, knowing that her suffering would be over. Unfortunately, Shakespeare died so he won’t be getting any answers soon. His mind flashed back to two other broken, fallen bodies and his hands covered in blood that wasn’t his own, as he just lay in bed and wondered.

_

“Food poisoning, really,” Roy Harper said, unamused. Dick smiled weakly in response, “God, look at you. What would’ve happened if I didn’t give the Manor a call when I did. Would you have, what, just died in your apartment, waiting for someone to stumble upon your corpse?”

“I didn’t want anyone to find out this way. Or at all to be honest.”

“Dick, seriously man. I’m supposed to be your big brother. How could you hide this from me. I thought you could tell me everything.”

“Roy, Hanahaki is a disease that can only be cured in two ways. Both of them are things I’d never do.”

“Richard John Grayson, I swear-”

“The only way for the surgery to work is if I consent, right. Well, I would never consent to losing the most important part of me.”

“And you won’t confess because-?”

“I can’t force someone to be with me out of pity. Especially not when they’re with someone else already. When they’ve already pushed me out of their life.”

“You really are a piece of work Grayson, you and your stupid hero-complex. You know what happens if this continues, right? You die! You die and there’s nothing any of us can do.”

“I kind of get that, Roy,” Dick deadpanned, “seeing as I’m the one that’s dying.”

“You seriously believe that I, the League, your friends, your family would be able to live without you?”

(Wally could)

“It would hurt or be hard but I’m sure that they could. My presence is not essential for survival. Besides the League existed before me, it can exist without me.” 

__

“Who hurt you, my little kitten,” Selina hummed as she traced the lines of his face.

“No one, Selina,” Dick replied, eyes shut as he melted into the show of affection, “I hurt myself.”

_

The days went by. More and more people were begging and pleading with him to take the surgery. That his life was not worth his feelings for one person. That they would still love him even if he couldn’t love them back. That having him alive and unfeeling would be much better than not having him at all. He had never seen Bruce let out so many tears in his life. The sight of the cold, calculated Batman that would make Gotham’s hardest criminals fall to their knees imploring him with a cracked, choked up voice on the verge of breaking down was something he would never forget - and he caused it.

“You are a fighter,” Diana had said one day as she sat next to him. She had spent her time telling him every story that she could think of. “You always had been. I admit that I was cautious when I heard that Batman had taken in a partner. I didn’t know if having a man like Bruce Wayne in your life would be good for you. But you were definitely good for him. You’ve changed him in ways that I couldn’t even dream of. I understand your decision, and while it’s not the one I would’ve wanted for you to take, it’s the one that suits you. For Dick Grayson without love is like the Solar System without the Sun. 

Dick took her battle-hardened hand with his own week one and held it, rubbing it with his thumb. 

“You are a fighter,” the warrior repeated, fire in her eyes, “so when you go down, go down with a fight.”

___

“When I die,” Dick said one day, high off of pain meds, “I don’t want anyone wearing black to my funeral okay. I see enough darkness already in my life, there shouldn’t be sadness during my death. Everyone should be wearing the brightest colours imaginable. At least have a yellow sock or something. I want music and laughter and embarrassing stories. Play Rick Astley instead of that terrible organ march. Hire a bubble machine instead of a Priest. And I don’t want any stupid roses either. It’s either sunflowers or nothing.”

___

“Why are you doing this Dick?” Wally asked tearfully. Dick was so weak now. His veins darkened as flowery vines curled around his chest and arms. He looked like a masterpiece, an untouchable work of art, “Why are you just letting yourself die.”

“Don’t start, Wally. Please.”

“Dick…”

“I’m not getting the surgery, Wally. So you should just drop it. You should know how stubborn I can be. So how’s things with you?”

“Dick...”

“Seriously, you’re my best friend. I want to know that at least your life doesn’t suck.”

“Well, Artemis and I broke up so ...”

“What?” Dick exclaimed in shock, “you guys broke up? But you were so happy together (happy enough to forget me). You loved her so much.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing. I don’t really know if I loved her or just really liked her. We just realised that we weren’t compatible, you know. She wanted more than I can give her.”

“Bro,” Dick looked at him with concern, “I’m so sorry. Are you okay.”

Wally gave him an incredulous look, “Dude, you’re literally dying but you’re asking me if I’m okay?”

“Again, you’re my best friend, it's my job to worry.”

“God, I don’t deserve you.” 

“Hey,” Dick chastised, “I’m the judge of whether you deserve me or not, okay. And I say that anyone who has a breakup is entitled to at least two movies and three hours of video games.

“Is that so?” Wally raised his eyebrows.

Dick gave the gravest nod he can muster, “Of course it’s true. I got a doctorate in Best Friendology, you know. So I know what I’m talking about.”

“Well, if the doctor orders.”

——

“The spark just died out, I guess. We started to realise that we were acting less like a couple and more like roommates that occasionally made out,” Wally exclaimed as he shovelled another mouth of caramel chocolate crunch ice cream into his mouth, “It was like we were just trying to make it work but it just wasn’t catching on. It’s okay though, we’re still friends so I’m cool with living the single life.”

“Not for long though,” Dick said, smiling at him with a look of pure fondness that Wally couldn’t help but blush, “you are an amazing person Wally. I’m sure you’ll find someone.”

“Yeah, right.”

“No, really. You probably don’t think it but you’re still my best friend. No one can take that away. Having you in their life would be the greatest honour a person can receive.”

“Psssh, whatever. Let’s see if you’ll still say that once I kick your butt at Call of Duty.”

__

“Dick, you can’t be serious.”

“I’m really sorry, Uncle Clark,” Dick looked down, refusing to meet his idol’s disheartened gaze.

“Dick, look at you,” Dick was sure that Clark gave him a once over with his x-ray vision when he entered, if that slight wince was anything to go by, “you’re wasting away. This isn’t you.”

“If I take the surgery, I wouldn’t be me either.”

“Of course you will. I know you think that we won’t love you if you do but we will. You will always be my nephew. I’d rather have you alive and not love me than never seeing you again.”

“Uncle Clark, I understand what you’re saying and if it was anyone else but me I would be agreeing with you. Yes, I know it’s selfish to do this but it’s the only choice I have. I don’t want people to look back at me and remember me as the person who forgot how to love. For me to be the cautionary tale for what happens if you let your emotions get the best of you. All my life I wanted to catch people, to be the safety net my parents didn’t have. If I lose my love, my passion to keep the people I love safe, then I’ll lose the very reason why I exist. You may be able to live with me but I won’t.”

“I love you Dick. So so much. Ever since the day I met you, when you threw yourself into my arms and asked if I could take you flying, I knew that you would be special, that you would change everyone’s lives for the better. And I was right, even if you made it a habit to give me heart attacks ever since you put on that mask. You will always have my respect.”

“I love you too, Uncle Clark. If anyone deserves that ‘World’s Best Uncle’ mug I gave you when I was ten, it’s you. I’d do anything for you. But this is the one thing I won’t. I’m sorry.”

They sat in silence before Dick piped up, asking sheepishly, “Do you- do you suppose you could tell me a Kryptonian legend. I wouldn’t mind hearing that one about Nightwing and Flamebird again.”

Clark smiled sadly, “It would be my pleasure.”

_____

Today’s the day.

Dick knew that he wasn’t going to survive the night. So he did everything he could. When his family came to check on him, he greeted them with a smile. When the clock chimed ten o’clock, he told them to leave.

“Dick, it’s okay. We can skip patrol,” Tim said.

“No, Tim. Batman needs Robin by his side and Robin needs his older brothers to watch his back. You can’t stop protecting Gotham just for me.”

“We’d do anything for you,” Tim’s eyes were sad, it made Dick feel bad for lying to him

“I know. Trust me, I’ll be alright. Now go so when you come back I can hear all the juicy details.” Dick gave him one of his signature Grayson smiles, using his so called puppy dog eyes for extra effect (he is ashamed to say that it’s not the first time he used them on a family member but desperate times..). “I love you guys, okay. Te iubesc, fratii mei mici (I love you, my little brothers).”

“We love you too, you big idiot,” Jason replies and Dick isn’t faking the smile when he hears that.

“Alright, come on guys. Pre-patrol hug, bring it in.”

___

“I’m not going to make it Alfie,” Dick says when Alfred arrives.

“I know, dear boy.”

“You - you know?”

The Englishman raises an eyebrow, “You may be able to deceive your brothers but do not forget that I was in the army, Master Richard. I can tell the look of a man who knows when his time has come.”

“I didn't mean to lie to them,” Dick says softly, “I just- I couldn’t let them see me like that. I didn’t want them to worry. It’s probably not the right decision but…”

“My dear child, I don’t believe that there is a right way to go about these sorts of affairs. Even on your last breath you try to shield them from the horrors of this world. You are a remarkable person, Master Richard, that is for sure.”

“Do you think I’ll meet them when I- when I go?”

“I cannot say for certain. However, I know for a fact that if you do, they would feel nothing but pride for the young man you’ve grown up to be. Just as Master Bruce and I am.”

“I love you, Alfred.” Dick’s weak voice was tearful as he looked at the man that was a grandfather to him growing up.

“And I do you, Master Richard,” Alfred’s words were choked, as if he’s struggling to hold himself together. The butler wiped away a black forelock, “It’s been an honour to serve you.”

____

After the man left on Dick’s command, with tears streaming down his usually held together face,the first Robin laid down on the bed, clutching his old stuffed elephant as he stared at the ceiling with a soft smile.

“Hi Mami, hi Tati. Let me tell you about my day…”

___

When Alfred gave them the news over the comms, the residents of Wayne Manor were stunned into silence. Not one of them moved or uttered a word before they raced back home. They all entered Dick’s room in a frenzy only to pause at the sight before them.

Alfred was sitting at the foot of Dick’s bed which was enwrapped with flowery vines - originating from the former Boy Wonder’s chest - that reached the floor and curled over the soft carpet in the shape of angel wings. Dick’s hands were clasped daintily over the centre of his unmoving chest, his eyes closed like he was asleep, his mouth was slightly parted and chrysanthemums blossomed between his lips. Black hair framed his face like a halo as lilac petals covered his body, softening his edges. The stems embraced his form, like it was protecting it from the rest of the world.

He looked like a masterpiece. A work of art to forever be treasured and to never be touched. It was the picture of haunting beauty, a real-life paradox. How could something so beautiful, so captivating be so horrific. As a painting, the sight was alluring, awe-inspiring but as the harsh truth, the picture of the man’s corpse made everyone want to vomit.

Damian and Tim fell to their knees next to him; crying, screaming, pleading. Pleasewakeuppleasewakeuppleaseplease. Bruce held them close, his own tears staining his batsuit. He wanted to shout, scream, to punch something Goddamnit! This was not supposed to happen. His son, who was so full of life, who somersaulted into his life with bright eyes that would put a nebula to shame and eager-to-please smiles, can’t go. Not like this. Not by himself, in his room (he always hated the size of his room when he first came -  hated how it was nothing like the compact trailer he grew up in). He could never sit still, not even during stakeout, not even as an adult. To see him just lying there, face blank, paralysed like he just saw Medusa was unnatural. Not even Scarecrow’s fear toxin could cook up an image so fearful. 

And Jason. Jason just stared.

It was too late

_____

Nightwing’s memorial was put up in Mount Justice the next day. Every hero on Earth attended the service. No one said anything. They all just stood there in organised rows, silently looking at the hologram of one of the strongest, most respected heroes to ever walk the planet. 

Dick would’ve hated it.

___

“He was supposed to be the best of us,” Clark said later, when everyone had returned home. Crime won’t stop because one hero had died. The world won’t stop spinning because Nightwing was no longer walking on it.  No matter how many people wished it would.

______

“Who was it?” Wally asked. 

“You,” Jason replied.

___

Richard John Grayson died a week later. The pneumonia he had contracted became fatal. That was the only information Bruce Wayne gave out to the press before shutting himself in his house, refusing to come out for a month.

The funeral was held two days after the announcement but no one except Dick’s closest friends and family were allowed to attend. Every person wore a sunflower on their jacket and a brightly coloured tie.

____

Wally sat cross-legged in front of three identical tombstones.

“I’m so sorry, Dick,” He wept, “I’m so so sorry.”

___

When Dick Grayson left Wally West’s life, there was no fanfare, no blinding lights or blaze of glory. He wasn’t Robin or Nightwing, a hero or civilian, the ward of a billionaire or the child of two acrobats from a circus, the brother of three grieving boys or the nephew of the mourning Justice League. When Dick Grayson left, he died only as a man who loved too much and expected too little.

*Mostly copied and pasted from Fanlore.org: https://fanlore.org/wiki/Hanahaki_Disease

[yennefer-fan]

youtube comment about book Yennefer by  Chief Purrfect

“She’s not what she seems” is actually a very spot on thing to say. It really baffles me to see people who have read the books completely miss the whole point of Yennefer’s character and go on about how evil and overall terrible she is. Honestly, if that’s what you think her character is then you don’t quite get not only what her character stands for, but also what the books themselves stand for. And no, I’m not saying you have to like her, prefer her over Triss or choose her for your Geralt in TW3, what I’m saying is you have no excuse for not understanding what the character is about if you’ve read the books. TW3 is a different story, mainly due to the fact that CDPR’s adaptation of the character could have been better, but still, don’t let CDPR’s misstep predispose you to not appreciate a well-written, complex character in a different medium.

Before I get into Yennefer's character though, I should probably talk about the most common misconception people have about the Witcher as a book series first. In book reviews, I've repeatedly seen people say that they preferred the short story collections over the saga because “that’s where Sapkowski’s inability to write high fantasy shows”. Well, they couldn’t possibly be more wrong. Not because they didn’t like Sapkowski’s writing, but because this entire time they were under the impression they were reading high fantasy. The Witcher- despite clearly belonging to the fantasy genre- was never meant to be a fantasy epic. In its very core the Witcher is first and foremost a parody, a critique on the genre, THEN an epic adventure. It takes every possible cliché and trope that appears in those books and first ridicules it- by showcasing why it would never work- to later subvert it in a way that makes it work. This contrast between expectation and reality is the core idea of the Witcher. Sapkowski couldn’t possibly be any clearer when asked. He said that while reading the polish folk tale of the poor cobbler who defeated a dragon all he could think of was how silly it was, because if you had a dragon problem and you wanted the job done, you wouldn’t be sending a cobbler to take care of it. In order for this tale to work, he had to create someone who is a professional at killing such monsters- and so he created witchers because he saw them as a necessity in a world of monsters and mythical beasts. My point is, this contrast of expectation vs reality also applies to the characters. The characters of the Witcher are primarily stereotypes and archetypes, if not occasionally caricatures. At first glance Geralt is the overly manly man, Yennefer is the evil witch, Ciri is the bratty princess and Dandelion is the overly manly man’s side-kick with an inability to keep his wee-wee in his pants because he exists in the story for the sole purpose of being the comic relief.

But are they those things really? The answer is a hard no, but they are definitely and deliberately introduced that way at the beginning of their character arcs. Geralt first appears as the typical stoic, emotionally unavailable and badass dude-bro protagonist but as we keep on reading, we realize he has an impressively rich and vivid inner self that he’s simply not comfortable externalizing. Ciri first appears as the spoiled princess who threatened to execute Geralt in the first few minutes she knew him because in her opinion he did not treat her appropriately according to her status, but learned humility by losing her status along with everything and everyone else. Dandelion appears as the superficial, cowardly friend who can’t see beyond himself and yet time and time again he puts himself in danger because he refuses to let Geralt face his problems alone and displays genuine and wholesome affection towards other characters, from Essi Daven to the Hansa.

Essentially, the pattern is that each character’s first appearance is a false and misleading one. And so, as with the rest of the cast, you can bet the same thing applies to Yennefer. She was introduced as the cold and sarcastic witch, the archetypical dominatrix with ulterior motives who uses her sexuality as a weapon. As I said however, the catch with the Witcher is that appearances always deceive. In reality, her sarcasm isn’t token of her being inherently mean and evil but a defense mechanism to cope with her past trauma. So is her being initially self-centered even in her relationship with Geralt. When your whole life has been people who are designed to care for you (like your parents) abandoning you and all you’ve ever had is yourself, it’s difficult to suddenly put someone else above you and accept that said someone genuinely cares for you overnight. And it DID happen overnight. See, another trope Sapkowski wanted to poke fun at was the insta-romance. In the last chapter of the first book, Geralt and Yennefer fell head over heels for each other and rode off to the sunset to their happily ever after less than a week after their first meeting.

And then Sapkowski was like “Ha! You seriously thought this was gonna work out? WHEEZE “.

And so the first two chapters of The Sword of Destiny happen, and coincidentally, these are the two chapters people use to justify oversimplifying Yennefer’s character to “evil” and “bitch” thereafter, despite them being two of a great many chapters and extremely early in her character’s journey. Yennefer’s deepest desire was to have a family, so she sought commitment but clearly wasn’t ready for what it entails. On the other hand, Geralt was unable to give her the reassurance she needed in order to open up to him because at that point of his character arc he still had the emotional IQ of a teaspoon. In the short story collections their relationship was unhealthy because that’s what Sapkowski had to do in order to get his point across- point being insta-romances are stupid, they suck and they don’t work out. After he was done poking fun at the trope it was finally time to subvert it and find a way to make their relationship work out.

Now introducing something more aka Ciri.

Apparently, there are people who believe that Geralt and Yennefer are together only because of Ciri. I believe they are onto something, but are looking at the right things from the wrong angle. Simply put, their relationship wouldn’t work out because neither of them was willing to face their insecurities and immaturity. When Geralt ended up with Ciri at the end of The Sword of Destiny however, he had no choice but to pull his shit together and act as parent figure to her, developing and maturing through the process. On the other hand, when Ciri was send to Ellander to apprentice under Yennefer, Yennefer for the first time stopped trying to find a way to cure her infertility to think that maybe she might not need a cure because- maybe- she already has a family. Letting go of her obsession over her infertility was a huge step for her character because it helped her focus not on what she could gain, but on what she has to lose. It’s not at all random that in the saga Yennefer and Geralt do not reunite until they have individually spent alone-time with Ciri and have grown to be better people first. Only then their relationship took a turn for the better and became functional ever since their reunion in Hirundum. So it isn’t really that they are together because Ciri is in the picture, but rather because of the people they became thanks to Ciri.

Last thing that I feel is very essential to understanding Yennefer stems from the themes of her character. Destiny, infertility, humanity- the very first chapter of The Sword of Destiny features both her and Geralt as two very powerful people, powerless in front of their inability to lead normal lives. However, one theme that for some reason tends to fly under the radar with Yennefer is sacrifice. It’s ironically fitting, considering Yennefer starts off her character arc as a pretty self-centered person- albeit having her reasons. Sacrifice was relevant to her character since the very first book- in The Last Wish Nenneke pointed out that when Yennefer became a sorceress, she sacrificed one of her gifts (maternity) for another (magic). In The Sword of Destiny we see how she deals with the consequences of the sacrifice she made and most of her problems with Geralt occur because she is not willing to sacrifice anything anymore. It’s only when she matures during the saga that she was willing to sacrifice her reputation and pride when she bargained with Philippa, asking her to save Geralt’s life in exchange for her dying as a traitor in his eyes. Later she lost her freedom when she was caught by Vilgefortz but preferred being tortured half to death instead of revealing any information. Like seriously, there’s a whole chapter in The Tower of Swallows where she has this epic argument with - arguably- the skelligan goddess in Hindarsfjall who is asking her just how much of herself she is willing to sacrifice for Ciri and Geralt, how do some people miss this in her character development, the book ain’t trying to be subtle. In the end of the books she made the ultimate sacrifice and gave her life for a chance that Geralt’s might be saved.

And despite all that, somehow some people still consider her “a selfish bitch who doesn’t even love Geralt” when the whole point of her character is that she went from the textbook femme fatale to a selfless and caring mother and wife. No one is arguing against the characterization “bitch” because it's often accurate in terms of attitude. Yennefer can be mean and cold, no one denies that. It’s just that there is so much more to her than this, that the problem with people characterizing her that way is that it’s dismissive and it simplifies a well-rounded character who was meant to be viewed very differently in the beginning of her journey compared to the end. So I guess what I want to say is, don’t just read a book people, make sure to also read into it. And again, if you understand all that and still dislike her that’s perfectly fine. Just make sure to understand. Don’t dismiss and don’t simplify.?

[umbureraakademi]

Introductory Note About the AU & Other Chapters & Face Claims

-a/n start-

[Potential spoilers for anyone who hasn’t seen or finished TUA Netflix series but seriously how could you stop yourself from watching such a captivating show.]

Word Count: 2767

Some quality bro time.

-a/n end-

Chapter 20

Deciding not to question the Captain further about him granting Diego to leave work when he just got in, he quickly told Chuck he was taking the rest of the day off and left without giving the other detective an opportunity to even ask why. By the time Diego reached the precinct’s exit, he saw a familiar lanky figure with a mop of dark, curly hair sitting and smoking on the steps of the precinct.

“Klaus are you just going to keep following me around?” Diego said from behind him. Startled again by the unexpected drop in, Klaus hurriedly extinguished his cigarette on the cement steps before he got up to face his brother.

“Didn’t expect you to get out of work so early.” he said in response.

“Captain gave me a day off.”

“How kind of him. He’s right in doing that, though, you do not look too hot.”

“Gee, I wonder why.” Diego said sarcastically as he tried to push past Klaus again, but this time Klaus put his hands on Diego’s shoulders to stop him. 

“Diego please let’s just talk for a bit, okay?” he begged.

“I need to check on Monica.” 

“She’s fine.”

“How do you know? How do you know she isn’t putting shit in her body like she did before? With you?” Diego responded with an edge, starting to get annoyed that his brother was delaying him.

“Because, Diego, my dear brother.” Klaus started, his sassy tone masking the fact his words hurt him too. “She wanted to go to rehab. She was willing to stop. I was the idiot who tried to pull her back because I wasn’t ready. I was the selfish person who didn’t want to be left alone.” he said.

Klaus’ words softened Diego’s harsh look for a bit as he imagined Klaus suddenly abandoned and alone, the person he thought he could trust and love having just up and left him without saying a word. He thought back at Klaus when they were younger and Reginald had just let him out of the maseouleum, how the trauma left him in an unresponsive daze for days. He thought back to just before everyone started leaving the Academy one by one and he found Klaus taking in some questionable pills into his mouth through a small crack at the door Klaus had thought he closed properly. When Diego burst in to grab the rest of the pills in a small plastic ziploc he could still imagine Klaus getting on his knees, crying and begging for him to give them back, his exact words still ringing in his ears like it happened yesterday.

I just want them to stop… they torture me everyday, Diego I just want a few moments of peace… please just let me have them… 

Maybe if Diego hadn’t felt sorry for Klaus then and allowed him to continue his unhealthy and deadly addiction…

“Look, I just want to talk about the whole thing, okay? I feel bad about the scene I made last night. I know I could have done it less… well… dramatically.” Klaus said, snapping Diego out of his daze. “And I can’t exactly follow you to Maica’s apartment. I’m not exactly Jessica’s most favorite person.” at that Diego chuckled softly, now less tense.

“I’m not either.” he said, watching a smile crack up at Klaus’ face as he spread his arms wide.

“Brothers!” he expressed, giving Diego a hug.

“All right, all right.” Diego said, quickly pulling away from the hug. “We’ll talk over coffee. I desperately need one.” 

At a Nearby Café

Diego thought it was weird how Klaus insisted they get a table with three seats instead of just two, but decided not to think much of it. He got himself a cup of Americano while Klaus went for the more expensive, non-caffeine hot chocolate, considering Diego was paying for both drinks. 

He watched as Klaus stirred and mixed the whipped cream into his drink before saying, “You going to start talking yet?’ he said.

“What? Oh, right.” Klaus stopped as he cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair, all while still keeping eye contact with Diego. “Where to start hmm… well I guess first I should apologize for my behavior that night. But then again if you saw your ex smooching it up with your brother I bet anyone would be pissed.”

“Great apology.” Diego said sarcastically, also leaning back in his chair.

Klaus sighed before continuing, “I really am sorry, you know. It’s just that I haven’t seen or heard from Maica in like… what? Almost a year? And suddenly when I do see her again she’s all over you.” 

Diego was quiet for a while before he said, “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know.”

“No, no, no, bro. You don’t need to apologize, okay? I’m not mad that you’re with her, I’m mad that she’s with you.” 

“Make sense, please.” Diego said, furrowing his eyebrows.

“You’re not my problem, bro. But Maica is.” Klaus said more straightforwardly. “It’s just that… when you think about it you’re the only sibling who even relatively cares about me. You could have thrown away those pills the first time you saw me with them but you saw and understood how tortured I was and going against your better judgement you let me have them. We both know it wasn’t just the pills you let me have.” 

“Yeah well… look who we ended up meeting thanks to that.” Diego commented as he leaned forward to take a sip of his coffee.

“Okay, ouch.” Klaus responded, placing a hand where his heart is. “I don’t think you understand where I’m coming from, bro. I mean now that you have someone else to care about, you’re probably just going to forget about me like everyone else.”

This caught Diego’s attention as he placed his cup back down to look at Klaus. “What do you mean?”

Klaus avoided Diego’s gaze as he started playing with the stirrer in his untouched hot chocolate. “Back then when you just started out as a cop, I could feel you looking after me, you know. You with the boys in blue. You could have been assigned to any area in the city but for some reason I kept seeing your patrol car wherever I was.” 

Diego sighed, “Well, someone had to look after your ass.” 

“But that changed, didn’t it?” Klaus said suddenly, his toying with the stirrer stopping. Diego looked at his brother, not really sure where he was taking him this time.

“I don’t follow.”

“Oh you know…” Klaus paused a bit, taking a sip from his hot chocolate though Diego was pretty sure he did that for the dramatics. “Got that big promotion. Became a detective scrutinizing files on a desk and having your underlings do the dirty work.” 

“It doesn’t work that way.”

“Well I don’t know that, I’ve never been a cop. But hey, don’t take it the wrong way, bro. I was proud of you making it big. A different kind of big, not all that fancy schmancy stardom thing Allison is into. Besides, I wasn’t exactly alone.” Klaus said that last sentence in a whisper and took a moment to subtly exchange glances with Ben, who was sitting at the empty third chair he insisted getting.

“I still tried looking after you, you know.” 

“Yeah, I felt that. And then I guess it just… stopped? At first I thought it was because you got busy busting bad guys and solving cases then I found out… you got a girlfriend.” as Klaus said this, Diego knew he didn’t mean Monica as he was talking about quite a while ago, when he was dating Eudora. Klaus could immediately see his brother tense at the mention of his past lover who had gone too soon and regretted bringing it up. “I’m sorry… about what happened…”

Diego was silent as he stared into his cup of Americano, not looking at Klaus as he asked, “You knew?”

“I saw it on the news somewhere…” Klaus said vaguely, looking uncomfortably at Ben who mouthed it’s going to be okay.

There was a silence that followed before Diego spoke again, “Where were you?”

“Excuse me?” Klaus said, Diego’s question catching him off guard.

Diego looked at him straight in the eyes this time, his expression hurt, “I… I-I’m asking…” he stuttered. “Where were you? Did you have any idea what I went through after she d…” Diego wasn’t able to continue as he put his cup down and looking away from Klaus to hold his trembling hands together.

Klaus closed his eyes for a moment, the image of his vulnerable brother almost unbearable to take. “Diego, I know this is too late to say but I’m sorry…” he said as he opened his eyes to examine Diego’s reaction, when he still wasn’t looking at him he continued. “I should’ve stayed with you the moment I found out but… your girlfriend she… she died fighting against drugs. I honestly thought the last person you wanted to see was your drug-abusing brother…”

“I wouldn’t have pushed you away…” Diego said softly.

“Really? Like you did with Maica?” 

“She’s different, Klaus. You’re different. Do you know why?” this time Diego looked at Klaus dead in the eyes, his expression sharp but his eyes starting to wet with tears that were threatening to come out anytime. “Because you’re my brother.”

Klaus was at a loss for words after that, looking away from Diego he chanced upon the sight of Ben wiping his tears away. When Ben noticed Klaus was looking at him he straightened up and pretended he wasn’t just crying. Klaus sighed as he looked back at Diego, who was trying to hold his coffee cup still despite his hands still trembling from the pent up hurt and anger inside him.

“Diego please put that down before you get coffee on your shirt.” Klaus said gently, reaching out as he held Diego to steady his grip, guiding him in placing the cup back down on the table. Releasing his hands, Klaus looked up again at Diego. “I was wrong… I shouldn’t have cared about anything, I should’ve just been there to help you through everything. I guess I just didn’t know what to do with myself either… everyday my addiction got worse that I started begging dealers to sell me drugs intended for other people. Honestly… I was probably scared that one day she would come up to me and ask to check up on you…” 

Diego’s breathing started getting shaky as he understood who Klaus meant, he didn’t say anything as he let Klaus continue.

“Eventually, I ticked off one person enough for her to come slamming at my apartment door demanding for her pack…” Klaus paused for a moment, unsure how to say the next few words right. “That’s… when I met Maica… you could probably already guess what happens next but basically, we were all right until she decided she wanted to stop and go to rehab when I was still… far from being ready for what happens once I became sober. We got into a huge fight about that one night then the next thing I know it she’s gone and--”

“Then you see her with me.” Diego continued, interrupting Klaus. “So you decide to back off when I needed someone the time Eudora died, but you also decide to swoop back in to ruin what I have now with Monica?”

Klaus had to break his gaze from Diego to hide the fact that his words stung like acid on an open wound. “That was not my intention…” he said softly.

“Then what is your intention, Klaus?” Diego demanded.

“I just don’t want you to forget about me again.” when Klaus looked back at Diego it was Diego’s turn to be taken aback by the amount of hurt in his brother’s green eyes. “My relationship with Maica, that’s over. I don’t want her back. I want my brother back.” 

The silence that followed after felt like it lasted forever, and Ben started squirming in his seat uncomfortably at the lack of interaction and eye contact between his living brothers.

“Klaus I… I’m sorry I ever made you feel like I neglected you…” Diego finally said. 

“Yeah, well.” Klaus sighed. “Neglect is a familiar friend of the Hargreeves children, isn’t it? Good thing we had Mom to feed us.” he continued, now taking a lighter tone. Diego looked at Klaus, unsure again where his brother intended to take this conversation. When a smile suddenly broke out of Klaus’ face and he started laughing, both Ben and Diego were looking at him as if he was high again. 

“C’mon, bro. Would you look at the two of us? All sappy and longing for brotherly affection. Draamaaaa.” Klaus expressed dynamically, paying attention to his hot chocolate (which was now - at best - lukewarm) as he took a big gulp. Diego couldn’t help but chuckle a bit as he had to admit, they were being a bit dramatic. Ben exhaled as he leaned back in his chair, relieved that the storm had passed.

“I saw you two talking you know… at the parking lot…” Klaus said, his tone serious again and both Ben and Diego sat up on their seats. “I couldn’t really hear what you were talking about of course but Maica… she never looked at me the way she looked at you, bro. Well yeah I mean around 80% of the time she was with me she was high - we were both high - but--”

“Klaus.”

“Right, right. Sorry.” clearing his throat he started constructing his sentences more thoughtfully. “What I meant to say is I can tell she has a whole different level of feelings for you, Diego. Maybe you should… hear her out.”

“Thought you said you had a problem with her?”

“Yes, but if you’re really into her, then what can I do?” as Klaus said this he watched Diego as he reached for his coffee again, his hand now more steady as he took a sip. “I may not be able to completely forgive her yet but like I said bro, Maica and I, we’re done. I can tell you really care about her too.” when Diego was quiet, Klaus prompted him to respond by asking, “Do you?” 

“Of course I do.” Diego said, his voice a soft whisper.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, Maica and I didn’t get intimate very much. At the very best we did hand stuff most of the time.”

“Oh my God, Klaus!” Ben expressed, though obviously only Klaus would hear him.

“That… did not make me feel any better…” Diego said with a grimace on his face.

“What? I could tell you two obviously have had more sex in two months than we did in our entire relationship!” 

“Can you not yell that aloud in here please?” Diego hissed as their table started getting looks from the other patrons in the café. 

“Besides…” when Klaus continued Diego was about to grab a box of tissues and stuff it in his mouth for him to stop talking until he heard what his brother had to say next. “She’ll be the last girl I’ll ever be romantically involved with.” 

Diego’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he asked, “So you won’t be dating anymore?”

“What? Oh no, Diego. When I mean last girl I literally meant last girl.”

It didn’t take long for Diego to process what Klaus actually meant, “You like men?”

“Bingo!” Klaus laughed as he clapped his hands, drawing attention again from the other people around them. “So this brings me to the second reason why I wanted to talk to you.” 

“There was a second reason?”

“Yes, could you look up a name for me? There was this… police officer who helped me get out from getting serious jail time as long as I promised I would go to rehab… I tried looking around the precinct he brought me in once I got out to thank him but they said he transferred and they wouldn’t tell me where. I just hope it’s the same city.” Klaus said, his eyes now full of excitement as he looked at his brother expectantly.

Diego was honestly stunned and confused by the sudden information, but out of curiosity asked, “What’s his name?”

Klaus started absentmindedly stirring his lukewarm hot chocolate again, like a high school girl in a daze thinking about her date for prom night.

“His name is Dave.”

[ao3-spideypool]

5 Increasingly Clichéd Meet-cutes Plus 1 Not So Cute-meet

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2KXxZFr

by EZChase

As the title says, this is the first five times Deadpool and Spider-Man (and Wade and Peter) meet before Peter starts thinking of them as friends and the one time it all falls apart because Peter doesn’t understand that communication is key to working relationships. However, this also goes into other meetings they have, towards the end of the fic.

This is an Alternate Universe that I have created that is the ultimate conglomeration of all the Spider-Man movies ever made—it also merges with the Deadpool movies (as well as what I can remember from the comics I read as a child). However, picture Tom Holland and Ryan Reynolds as their respective roles.

If you’re here for smut, I’m sorry to disappoint, because there isn’t even much kissing in this fic. GASP! I know, how do you write a Spideypool fic with no kissing or smut?! I shocked myself too. However, when this fic opens, Peter is only sixteen, and I don’t believe in writing underaged fics (though I don’t mind reading them.)

I honestly started this fic as a way to get back into writing and it just sort of…exploded into more. I am going to create an ongoing one-shot series that may evolve into a multi-chapter series, we'll see.

Words: 23751, Chapters: 6/6, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of The Marvelous Misadventures of Petey-pie and Wade

Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), Spider-Man (Movies - Raimi), Deadpool - All Media Types, Deadpool (Movieverse)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Underage

Categories: F/M, M/M

Characters: Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man), Wade Wilson, Tony Stark, Michelle "MJ" Jones, Ned Leeds, Steve Rogers

Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Deadpool/Spider-man, Wade Wilson/Peter Parker, Spider-Man/Deadpool, Peter Parker/MJ

Additional Tags: Fluff, Humor, the author thinks they're funny, Angst, mostly towards the end, Peter Parker is an idiot, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, Wade Wilson Likes Peter Parker's Butt, like he has an unhealthy obsession with it, Team Up, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, sort of but not really, mixes all the Spider-Men into my own lil cinnamon roll, Tom Holland is still the face of my Spidey tho, Ryan Reynolds is my Deadpool, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Everyone survived infinity war because I am in denial, Seriously it won't happen in this fic, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kind of but it's only because Peter Parker is an idiot about love, Dirty Jokes, MJ is a Good Bro, Ned Is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is bad at secretes, Aunt May is a BAMF, Aunt May is protective, cliches, like all the cliches, rating is ONLY for language, Some Avengers are mentioned - Freeform, Black Cat is mentioned, slow build (sort of), No Smut, Why Did I Write This?, it seemed like a good idea at the time, author has no idea what they're doing, Underage is only because Peter is 16 when this fic opens, But seriously nothing happens, 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, OOC Deadpool, I'm not really sure how one goes about writing Deadpool, I tried my best, The Author Regrets Nothing, Game of Thrones spoilers, Twilight References

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2KXxZFr

[fallintosanity]

10 Characters Meme

@puffbirdstudio​ tagged me to list my 10 favorite characters from 10 different things, and then tag 10 people! 

1. Gerald Tarrant from the Coldfire Trilogy. He’s brilliant, a magnificent bastard, ever hungry for knowledge, and unrepentantly evil - literally. He actually has a conversation to that effect with the protagonist, about how if he were to repent, he would have to regret doing the evil things he did in service of learning new things, and he can’t honestly say he does. Yet he manages a beautiful redemption arc anyway, because he’s just awesome like that. 

2. Sam Winchester from Supernatural. I kinda fell out of love with SPN when it became clear the show had no intention of treating Sam better, but I still love Sam as a character. He’s complex, with a massive heart and a desperate desire to do the right thing despite the whole world, God, and the show’s writers claiming it’s impossible for him to be anything other than wrong. 

3. Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII. While we don’t get much of his backstory - even Crisis Core doesn’t delve into his upbringing - the tantalizing hints we do get speak to a fascinating and deeply traumatized person under the cackling megalomaniac we see him as in VII proper. 

4. Wei Wuxian from The Untamed. To be honest, he’s 90% of the reason I even started watching The Untamed, because I kept seeing gifsets of him. I’m only about a quarter of the way into the show, but my initial assessment has held true so far: Wei Wuxian has only two modes, kicked puppy and incorrigible trickster. 

5. Tremaine Valiarde from the Fall of Ile-Rien books. She was one of the first female fantasy protagonists I found who wasn’t either some sex goddess ninja warrior Strong Female Character or innocent sweet Purity Maiden. She’s somewhat plain, fiercely intelligent, not afraid to pull her weight in whatever’s going on, and, narratively, capable of failure in a way most female characters at the time weren’t. 

6. Ratchet from the Ratchet & Clank games. Tiny cat man with a massive and increasingly ridiculous selection of weapons who manages to be sassy and sweet at the same time? Who gives not a single fuck about the evil emperor he has to overthrow, but absolutely breaks when his best friend is kidnapped? Heck yeah! 

7. Tony Star from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. (It’s really a toss-up in the MCU between Tony and Loki. Today Tony’s winning.) Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist who flies around the world in a super-suit, who will sass you to high heaven but will sacrifice anything, including himself, for those he cares about. 

8. Niko Leandros from the Cal Leandros series. An old soul with unwavering-to-the-point-of-unhealthy loyalty to his younger brother, who's smart and talented enough to be anything he wanted and still chose to remain his brother’s keeper despite the risks and pain involved. 

9. Nakago from Fushigi Yuugi. He’s less deep than a lot of the others on here: he’s evil, unrepentantly so, and takes pleasure in torturing the heroes. Unlike Tarrant, he doesn’t get a redemption arc. He has a tragic backstory that’s expodumped at the last second, but I think one of the more interesting things that manga did - whether or not it intended to - was to show that just because you had a tragic backstory, didn’t mean you had to become evil. Nakago was the example of what happens when evil was the path you chose. 

10. Prompto Argentum from Final Fantasy XV. (I go back and forth a lot about which of the bros is my favorite, and really they’re all my favorite for different reasons, but I can only pick one in this meme, so.) Prompto is unrelentingly cheerful despite his own anxiety and feelings of inadequacy - he’s not the Chosen Prince, he doesn’t have any fancy titles, he’s just there to see his best friend get married. Yet when shit hits the fan, he steps up in a way not many people would be capable of, and never wavers despite everything he goes through. 

There’s my 10! I have a lot more favorites tbh, and could talk at length about all of them, but these are the ones who jumped out at me at this point in time (which probably reflects what media I’m currently consuming as much as any specific trends about me). 

Tagging (no pressure!) @tjwock​, @r3zuri​, @ageofzero, @breezy-cheezy, and anyone else who wants to do it! 

[yoolee]

About Lee

@cavern-of-bells made a FUN LIST OF THINGS so I answered them.

1. What kind of food can’t you stand?:  I fervently avoid all food that squelches – like grapes and ‘gelatinous snow fungus’ (that is a google-translated name for a mushroom in a soup my roomie from China made me once – aside from that ingredient, it was interesting). I’ve never, not once in my life, eaten Jello. 

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick?:  Smoke alarm chirping. I could also happily do without pharmaceutical ads, which I think should be illegal, and election campaign ads.

3. Have you got any useless talents?:  AHAHAHA. I can sing the chipmunk Christmas song and say the alphabet backwards? I’m also hypermobile—did a stint in the local circus as a contortionist in high school. (non-animal circus – just acrobatic acts)

4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be?:  Making people smile.

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking: Mila Kunis, Barbara Palvin, Wendell Lissimore, Chris Evans, Zendaya Coleman, Natalie Portma, Godfrey Gao

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid?:  READING (/daydreaming about book worlds) but also figure skating while we could still afford it. It was as close to flying as I could get! 

7. What is something you’re proud of?:  When I was in my MBA program, my 59 classmates voted me ‘Most Likely to Change the World’. It’s framed next to my diplomas. Though, to be fair, it also sort of haunts me because I feel like I’m not living up to it. 

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate?:  I despise being patronized. Being ignorant and refusing to admit it in the face of facts.

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower?:  Leader -  not a good one, but, I’m not a follower.

10. What kind of student are/were you?:  A really lazy, procrastinating one who still got A’s/B’s. I was a really good test taker.

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life?:  Reading in class in 7th grade science. My teacher made a deal with me – if I could pass the pre-quiz at the start of every week, he’d let me read instead of pay attention, but he would get to pick the book. He introduced me to Michael Crichton and Anne McCaffery, which were my first forays into sci-fi, and my involvement in that has rippled through most of my major friend groups since. Alternately, attending a training at my first career job, which introduced me to the career I now have.

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion: Ants. I hate ants. Where there’s one, there’s hundreds, and there’s nowhere I can go that they can’t get too, and they’re small enough to crawl in your nose and stuff. I sat in a fire ant hill as a kid, which was strike one. Strike two was moving into a house that had been abandoned for seven months when I was in third grade – turned on the tub water and it came out black there were so many ants in the pipes, and they just POURED into the tub and swarmed up the sides oh god it was like a horror movie. Other than that, most of my fears are pretty average – failure, my family being hurt, etc.

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable?:  I am self-centered enough to find myself in most characters – there’s usually one or two aspects that line up. Unless they are Lawful Good then I’m like…uuuugh. Nope, nothing there.

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties?:  I am a giggly, ballet-dancing drunk. I get hyper paranoid about my spatial issues so I literally go into ballet-mode because the movements are naturally slower and more flowy. I am also pretty clingy drunk. I like to snuggle, which is funny because sober me is not big on touching or being touched. Not to overanalyze, but I think being drunk takes away the fear of that. At parties I am that awkward wall-hovering introvert who likes to find an extrovert and make them talk while I nod and wait to GTFO. I spent the entirety of my bro’s wedding reception babysitting a 4 and 5 year old because it was so much less stressful than making small talk (simultaneously playing Go Fish AND Who’s Who Monster Edition LIKE A CHAMP)

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone?:  AHAHAHAHA no. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever honestly been in love – just more fond of one person than most. Invariably, I find I prefer my own company to theirs after a time.

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends?:  This is a really hard one. 100 casual friends means more people to do stuff with, but, I treasure my close friends. I don’t know. Pass!

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak?:  I. AM. SUCH. A. SLOB. *sobs* My room should have a hazard sign.

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy: I am not feeling creative – a bedroom that cleans itself, with lots of soft, fuzzy blanket piles and pillows, with tea services (including scones!) and lots of bookshelves. A view of a duck pond would be appreciated too lololol. 

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday?: I don’t have kids. I truly treasure spending time with the kids in my family, and I work part-time as a princess/elf/storyteller at the local zoo – I like kids, but, I am a really selfish and self-centered person, and I move on to new things—including people—with serious regularity. I don’t think I would be a good parent at all. I wish I could be, but, knowing my flaws, it would be really irresponsible to have kids.

20. What was your favorite book as a child?  Elementary school – it was a book about a little black cat who went to boarding school, and there was a yellow spotted cat with a fire truck. Don’t remember the name. I also love the Wizard of Oz books (SO DARK). As a middle schooler – The Blue Sword by Robin McKinley. I needed a Mary Sue at that point in my life. Also loved the Dragonsinger series by Anne McCaffery, and everything by Mercedes Lackey and Tamora Pierce. In high school…The Things They Carried, I suppose. Now, probably Fuyumi Ono’s Twelve Kingdom’s series. It’s YA, but, the characters are so flawed, and so redeemed, I find it really interesting.

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about: Disney World  

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated: The Emperor’s New Groove is the best Disney movie ever. ALSO, Mary Sues. Middle School me needed Mary Sues. I think most do. Go easy on ‘em.

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose?: UM. HM. Someone who doesn’t need to shower to smell clean? XD Lady Luck, maybe. It would be fascinating to watch – both good and bad luck – unfold all around.

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday?: This feels super arrogant – but I’d like to be a good enough author to have a book published and do a book signing. With people who actually come to get the book signed!

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat?: I like to work behind the scenes. Usually I write like a multi-page rebuttal with linked references, but I rarely post it. Sometimes I do. I call my senators roughly weekly, for what that’s worth, but public discourse is not my thing.

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in?: ….uuuum. Hmm. Butterfly clips, maybe? But then, it was the 90s and I was eleven, so. 

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for?:  I DON’T CRINGE AT MYSELF but Dragonball Z. XD I forgive my kid/adolescent self for a lot, okay.

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable?: The willingness to publically, and politely, engage in debate in service of someone else. Genuine ability to interact with other people in a way that leaves them feeling better for having interacted with you.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.): LITERALLY, DUCKS. I love ducks. People give me ceramic ducks all the time. Also socks, because my grandma collected fancy decorative perfume bottles and one Christmas my mom and I went to like 10 stores looking for one she didn’t have and I pitched a FIT saying when I was older I was going to collect socks because you always need more, and there’s no way people would run out of options for me. My family thought this was hilarious and took me up on it. My grandpa shipped me socks from the dollar store once a month while I was in college.

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones?: I wish I did! I can cuss in quite a few, and I know some conversational Irish from studying abroad there and studying it. 

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside?: Having lived in both – the big city. It’s too easy to self-isolate in the countryside, and for me, personally, that’s fairly unhealthy. Countryside is definitely prettier and more peaceful, just, not for me.

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving?: Literally all the time. Like, Mitsunari in SLBP for example!

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else?: Ahahahaha give me all of the attention please /sigh

34. Favorite holiday?: Halloweeeeen. But I also really like Diwali even if I feel a little bit like I am trespassing/being a tourist. It’s just beautiful.

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously?: “PLANNED” AHAHAHA WHAT IS THAT WORD IDK. I am so last-minute and haphazard it’s absurd.

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.) : The pleasure of reading books in middle school. Those ‘first’ exposures, without expectation or standards. EVERYTHING was magical and exciting, and I devoured it all. Alternately, college. 

37. What hobbies do you have?: UM. I dress up as a princess/superhero and visit kids in the hospital which is…weird, I know. I get paid to do it at the zoo, and some parents reached out to them and asked if we could visit and then it became a thing. Less so now that I’m in a new city. Martial arts (Hapkido, Judo, Taekwondo), ballet, baking with zucchini, photoshopping, reading, writing SLBP fanfiction, playing otome games…XD

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have?: THE ABILITY TO FEEL WELL-RESTED AT ANY TIME. Or good luck, but I’d argue that would be more than mildly useful. Ability to find the right thing to say to cheer someone up!

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you: Online folks are usually surprised to learn I’m old? Friends IRL are usually surprised I’m Chaotic Evil (I won’t say I’m two-faced, I’ll say I try really hard to be nice, and I act like it well, but it is an act – I don’t genuinely possess any empathy to speak of. I will listen to you, but I probably don’t actually care, I just want to – there is a difference) and work folks are usually pretty surprised at the Chemistry background. FOLLOWERS OF THIS BLOG won’t be surprised but, I friggen love Waffle House. That usually throws people for al oop.

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out: That I’m bi? I was on BC for so long I thought I was ace, so when I finally developed a drive in my late/mid-twenties it was sort of shocking to realize it’s only rarely set to hetero, and like, I still don’t know how to act on that. ALSO for years I had no idea there was a little arrow on your gas gauge to tell you which side the gas pump’s on – comes in super handy in rental cars.

41. Worst injury you’ve had? Physically? Fell out of a tree as a kid and snapped an arm bone in half – one half went on top of the other. Other things have happened that took longer to emotionally recover, but, physically that was the worst probably. Weirdly, I fell off of the roof with no injury, but…idk I’m weirdly durable.

42. Any morbid fascinations?: Snake venom. I could probably write a dissertation. 

43. Describe your sense of humor: I LOVE PUNS. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I like ‘smart’ humor (puns are clever) and nerdy humor, but I don’t like mean humor. I also laugh at gallows humor a lot.

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose?: Okay this is really hard because I would be useless in most other eras and I would miss indoor plumbing and women’s rights and people not regularly dying around me. I am probably biased by being interested in times with the best myths/stories. Ancient Egypt? Viking Age? Basically any time period in China or Japan because my US-centric world history studies seriously failed me they are a bit of a fascinating mystery. 

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at: LOL this would be a long list. (you said ‘thing’ singular, I am taking that as a friendly suggestion not a mandate) Push-ups (hypermobile elbows, okay). Cleaning. LOGISTICS AND PLANNING OH LORD. Editing my own work. SMALL TALK oh god I am the worst at small talk I even took a class on it trying to get better. Gracefully accepting compliments - how does one do that and not come off as obnoxious ;.;

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through: Most recently, dumping a Really Good Guy. A past me would have just quietly let it fade into oblivion and that would have been worse. I think? 

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.): lololol oh my gosh. I don’t like offending people. So. I guess pretty one on my face.

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist?: Eeeeeeh.I guess optimist, but that’s mostly laziness.

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you?: That I have made their life better or brighter somehow. 

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you: I am simultaneously incredibly confident about things and incredibly craven about people! And that’s hard for people to get sometimes. Like, my writing I am wholly confident of and proud of to the point of arrogance – as a thing. But the moment someone talks to me about it I get petrified because oh god what if I, as a person say or do something that turns them off to the point where they can’t enjoy the writing (the thing).  It’s greatly exacerbated by the internet where I can’t read tone or facial expressions – but I’m still pretty bad about this offline too. Like, I hate even going to Chipotle or Qdoba where there isn’t a big line of people (if there’s a big line of people everything is hustling and bustling and moving along) – I greatly dislike social interactions that lack a script. But, put my project in front of a board of directors or the company president, and I will kick tush and take names. It’s a weird dichotomy, but that’s how I’m wired.

THIS WAS FUN. GOOD QUESTIONS

I TAG YOU, PERSON READING THIS.

[femslashrevolution]

It ain't that deep, bro. It's just important.

This post is part of Femslash Revolution’s I Am Femslash series, sharing voices of F/F creators from all walks of life. The views represented within are those of the author only.

So, this may catch some folk by surprise considering how ridiculously queer I am, but, fun fact: your humble author didn’t actually learn that queer people existed until she was in high school.

(This is relevant. I promise. Hang in there.)

I’m not kidding. I was sitting behind this girl in a creative writing class, my first week freshman year of high school. She was telling a story to another student, and in the course of it made a joke in which she pointed out how incredibly bisexual she was.

It was like I got struck by lightning.

I’d gone to a catholic school from kindergarten through eighth grade. And Holy Family was actually one of the more progressive, kind-hearted schools in the area. I know now that most of the teachers didn’t actually believe the official Church doctrine on the subject of The Gays. So instead of telling us that homosexuality was a sin, they just…never brought it up. If they never mentioned gay people, they wouldn’t have to toe the line and say we were going to hell!

Aaaaand the end result was that I literally was never informed that liking girls was like…a thing? You can do that? That’s an option?!

Mind you it still took me like another six months to figure out why I’d had such a powerful reaction to that realization. Because, you know, obviously I wasn’t gay or anything. You can feel free to insert a mental laugh track there, I’ll wait.

I bring this up because to this day, I remember that lightning-strike sensation. The birth of a whole new universe, fresher and wider and better than the old one, right behind my eyes. I swear to god the colors were brighter that day.

In the months and months between that moment and the moment when I was willing to admit even to myself that maybe, possibly, like girls just a little, I started reading femslash. I read a lot of highly questionable het fics too, obviously, because I was fourteen and look shut up we’ve all made mistakes.

I’d be lying if I said femslash was what helped me realize I was gay as all hell, because it wasn’t.  I handled that just fine on my own, thanks. The fics themselves weren’t actually the catalyst, it was just that I realized I was seeking out f/f pairings and, hmm, you know, maybe there was a reason for that. Really, femslash didn’t start to mean much to me, or connect me to a community, until I started writing it. And…oh, man. That was the watershed. That really was where I came into my own.

I was seriously unprepared for the level of gratitude femslash authors can receive.

Thing was, I wasn’t even really…doing much, from my perspective. I was just…writing fic, like always. I’d watched the Star Wars prequels and fell in love with what was to me the obvious femslash pairing–seriously, watch Phantom Menace and tell me with a straight face that Padme’s handmaiden isn’t in love with her. And I’d gone looking for fic only to discover a massive pile of nothing. That’s thankfully changed a little since; I like to think I kicked off the Padme/Sabe renaissance. But for a decent chunk of time there, I was the only person writing that pairing on the entire Internet.

Let me tell you–that was a trip and an half.

And the response was…pretty average, as AO3 goes. It wasn’t like I became an instant celebrity or anything. But people got so freaking excited, to a degree I had never expected. I think I’m a decent writer, I’m pretty used to people liking my stuff–but people, when they read the Padme/Sabe fics, were freaking out. They overflowed with enthusiasm, they tripped over themselves talking about how invested they were in this pairing now. Overwhelmingly, responses fell into two categories: “I’ve shipped them for years, I thought I was the only one!” or “I’ve never even considered this, but now I can’t stop.”

That’s the moment. That, right there, is the thunderbolt.

It’s why I work so much with what are, on the surface, kind of done-to-death tropes. 5+1 fics. Sith AUs. Humorously snowballing miscommunications that result in Hijinks And Shenanigans™. Dark AUs. Single-point canon divergence “what-if” fix-it fics. Coffeeshop AUs. My flagship Padme/Sabe piece is, loosely, an Arthurian mythos AU. Hell–my current project, because apparently I hate myself, has turned out to be a series of ~20k oneshots for a different Star Wars femslash pairing based on the plots and settings of Disney movies, just for fun.

Now to my credit, I do pull twists on the tropes! I adapt them, I explore variations, sometimes I subvert them entirely because some tropes are pretty unhealthy relationship models; but the fact is, my playground is tropes and AU settings. The latter is because I, as a writer, really enjoy stripping both plotlines and characters down to their core. (What are the really essential elements of this story that I can use to transplant the plot into a Galaxy Far Far Away? What are the core personality traits and features that these Star Wars characters would keep, their turn of phrase–things that will make them instantly recognizable even if they’ve been relocated to 17th-century France?) But the tropes, that’s something that for me is an integral part of why I and a lot of other people read and write femslash.

I do it for that lightning-strike sensation. That moment where someone stumbles across a Beauty and the Beast AU, or a faerie tale, or a story about defying fate to escape an arranged marriage, or something else they’ve seen a million times–except this time the protagonists are queer women, and nobody questions it, and they connect to the basic premise in a whole new way.

Sure, the characters’ love may be forbidden–but it’s forbidden for the same reasons straight people get to have forbidden love. Because one of them is a commoner, because they’re Sith and their masters are rivals. Because the Jedi Code forbids it. Not because they’re queer. Never because they’re queer.

(Mind you I’ve also written some Meg/Christine stuff, wherein the problem is ABSOLUTELY that they’re queer. There’s a place for that. But you’ll notice, if you read my Phantom of the Opera fic, that Mme. Giry figured it out ages ago and, while she might worry, she never disapproves. We face enough examples in the real world of parents rejecting their queer kids. I don’t feel a need to include it in my fic.)

And for a lot of people, these are just fun fics about their favorite pairing. That’s great in and of itself; we’re all starving and scrabbling for crumbs, and my readers are honestly the sweetest and most appreciative people I could ask for. If I just make them happy, hey, my job’s done. But every so often, I get a review or a private message and I can see that thunderbolt realization. I can see their universe opening up.

We can be fairy tales too?

We can have soulmates, these archetypal stories I grew up loving can be about me? We can change each other for the better, we can be heroes, we can be murderous self-indulgent evil-is-sexy Sith, we can be the ones charging the dragon?

We can be genre fiction–stories about assassination attempts and royal duty, intergalactic politics and Greek mythology and dramatic rescues that have nothing to do with the sexuality of the protagonists? We can just…be there because we are?

We’re allowed to do that?

That’s an option?

About the Jo:

Blog | AO3 | RP/etc

22-year-old Psychology major; cis, very white, extremely queer, terrible Cherry Coke habit. In a continuing blood feud with the continent of North America, will bore you by talking about dogs and/or various other animals if you give me half a chance, and I reject the false Star Wars/Star Trek dichotomy. Star Trek is for hope, Star Wars is for stabbing Nazis in the face, and both are Good.