#bucky barnes slow burn

[subwaysurf45]

She’s Not Mad

Summary: Bucky Barnes was a known people pleaser, it was second nature to him. After meeting you and getting close you both try to navigate his eternal stressed state, working together you try your best to tone down his obsessive ways. 

Words: 9k (if you’ve been wondering where I’ve been...)

Warnings: Bucky has mommy issues, mentions of oral sex, nudity, angst, fluff, college!bucky, slow burn

A/N: thanks for the patience! 

Masterlist

A Couple of Weeks Ago…

“So, you’re not a thing?” Bucky asked as he shoved his laptop and notebook back into his bag, grabbing the handle of his water bottle and choosing to carry it with him for the walk. 

The two boys were higher up in the rows of the lecture hall as they peered over the two girls talking to the professor. Steve had his eyes drilled into Natasha, the girl standing off to the side as her friend went over a question she had. 

“She told me she is still figuring out her feelings since her last serious relationship,” Steve sighed as he packed up as well, “and I told her I’d wait- apparently this guy’s parents had given their family engagement ring and everything.” 

Bucky pulled the corner of his lips out tight as they began to walk down the stairs, “who’s the other girl?” 

“The one that was just asking the question is Y/N,” Steve watched as both girls left the room, “good friends, met last year, live together now.” 

“She’s cute,” Bucky said purely, no smirk or innuendo.

********

You sat over your laptop in the library with both hands acting as a brim to cover your eyes from the people around you. Tears rolled down your face as you studied the practice question, you felt pathetic and you tried to sniffle as quietly as possible. If anyone saw you silently bawling you’d drop out, it was stupid enough already when the librarian walked over and dropped a tissue box off without saying a word. 

“What do you mean?” you whispered to the page for the hundredth time, hoping for some answer. 

You had done the homework, you went to the study groups, you even extended your prof's office hours because you wanted to make sure you were doing everything right. Yet here you were, sitting alone on a Friday night because you still can’t do the practice assignment. Quitting felt like the only option, it wasn’t like everything was going to click; it was too late. 

This was just going to become the thing that you could never do, simple as that. Sometimes there are subjects that no matter how hard you try, you don’t have the flair. It was a tough pill to swallow but you’d never be able to do any work if you’d continue to hold yourself to a high standard, it was a win to get the little things right, not the entire question. 

The idea of failing was new to you. The jump from high school to college was still something you never adapted to, you always expected nineties on everything and not the mindset that C’s get degrees. 

Trying to do the question was like beating a dead horse, you needed a break. You ran your hands over your face and leaned back in your chair, hearing pops from your back as you did so, until you were leaning back and looking up at the ceiling. When you looked straight you saw someone already staring at you. 

He had longer brown hair that hit his jawline, blue eyes that jumped out at you, and a very concerned look on his face. He was familiar but you didn’t know what it was from. 

“Are you Natasha’s friend?” The guy came up to your empty table. 

“Yeah?” You wiped away your tears, extremely confused as he pulled out the chair right beside you to sit at the eight sided table. 

“I’m good friends with Steve, I think the two of them have something going on- not important, but I kind of know you and I'd rather not leave someone I kinda know alone crying, so…” he rubbed the back of his neck, “are you okay?”

“Do I look okay?” you rolled your eyes and faced your computer again, “the absolute last thing I need is something watching me cry, alright?” your bottom lip wobbled as you kept your eyes away from his at all times. 

He was still staring at you, “come on,” he sighed and moved his hand to comfort you but thought otherwise, “I’m not going to laugh at you or run and tell everyone I know I saw a girl crying in the library- y’know what they’d say?” You could see him tilt his head, “they’d say what’s the big deal, haven’t we all?” 

You scoffed, “no they wouldn’t.” 

“You’re calling me a liar?” 

“I don’t even know your name.”

“Bucky,” he stuck out his hand, “Bucky Barnes.” You shook his hand, “and since I am a Barnes and was raised by my ma I simply can not let this continue, it’s my obligation to either cheer you up or take you home.” 

You scoffed again and tried your best to hide your smile, “and I’m Y/N, and in my family we stress about everything and never give up so I can’t leave until I get this question, so…”

Bucky’s tongue poked the inside of his cheek as he flipped the laptop to face him a little better, “this is the class all four of us have together, alright,” he read over the question and immediately furrowed his brows before looking at you again, trying your best to hold it together. He knew the answer but couldn’t bear to see your reaction, it was painfully obvious you were beating yourself stupid over these questions. 

“Can you take a deep breath for me?” he asked like he was talking to a child. 

“I barely know you, dude,” you crossed your arms and ripped your laptop back to face you, “and I’ll have you know I don’t need a man to come in here and explain everything to me, alright, I’m going to figure this out on my own and I don’t need you, okay? So just head home, tell Steve I say hi.” 

Bucky took a deep breath himself, “that question isn’t marked on the homework, the reason you can’t get the answer is because the way to get it has most likely not been taught yet,” he paused and saw your face crumble, “and I didn’t want to freak you out because you look like you’ve been here a while and you seem to be beating yourself up and I just couldn’t-”

“Stop,” you whispered and covered your face with your hands, “just stop talking.” 

And he did. 

Trying your best to calm your breaths, it didn’t work. So fucking stupid, unbelievable, there’s no way you just spent close to an hour staring at a problem you didn’t even have to do in the first place. 

“Can you walk me home?” you squeeked. 

“Of course,” Bucky stood up right away and started helping you pack your bag, “I have some water, do you want it?” He held up his water bottle. You nodded and began drinking as you both made your way outside and towards your off-campus house. 

“Did you need to study?” you asked as you screwed on the cap. 

Bucky laughed and looked up at the night sky, “I was going for a walk because I heard there was a blood moon tonight, and there is, look,” he point up and saw the red mood looming above both of you, “and I just happened to walk past the library, I looked in the window and recognised your laptop as well as your hair, funny enough,” he laughed as he looked forward again. 

“So you just came in to see me?” you needed to make sure you were hearing this right, it’s not like it happens often. 

“I was going to introduce myself to you actually,” Bucky shrugged and looked over at you, “I know Steve and Nat are trying to figure things out and I thought friends of two people who might date should know one another. Then I saw you crying so I changed my game plan.”

You just nodded, slightly brushing into Bucky’s arm as you walked. It was hard to stay straight with the exhaustion taking over, every now and then you’d brush your knuckles past Bucky’s. He was a cute guy, and something about him being oh so caution around you made you feel important. 

“This is me,” you said later as you walked up the steps, “thanks Bucky, I hope we can be friends.” 

Bucky smiled and stood at the bottom of the steps, “if you ever get in your head again like that and need someone to pull you away, let me know- even in the middle of the night, alright?”

“Alright,” you laughed with your hand on the door handle. 

“I’m serious, Y/N. I look after the people close to me, I look after friends of friends like siblings,” there was no joking in his tone, it seemed other people doubted him on this promise. “I’ll give you my number,” he hand reached out for your phone. 

“I’ll be fine, you seemed to have good luck running into me,” you giggle and open the door to your house. Before it fully closed you felt resistance, looking over your shoulder you saw Bucky holding open your door. 

He was smiling, “then give me your number for another reason.” 

“Oh?” you turned and placed a hand on your chest, “you’re rather forward. 

“Well being cryptic didn’t work, did it?” He laughed and held out his hand again, “come on, I might need a study buddy one day- or even better, a lunch buddy.” you laughed as he tried to duck to meet your eyeline, “you don’t want to be my lunch buddy?”

“I’ll be your lunch buddy,” you giggled and handed him your phone, he wasted no time adding it in. “Goodnight,” you whispered and made it into your house, leaning back and resting against the door. You thought for a moment before breaking into a massive smile, replaying how he tried to keep eye contact with you. Or how he’d been so proud of how his mother raised him- “son of a bitch,” you whispered. 

He walked you back home and cheered you up. 

Just like he said he would. 

A Few Days Later…

Your phone must be hacked or something because your weather app said it would be completely clear today and sunny in the afternoon. As you sat in the cafe you thought it would clear up but it was only getting worse. 

All you needed to do was brave the rain and make your way home, but waiting for the perfect time when everything would let up for a moment was pointless. 

Walking as fast as you can with your head down, you saw your grey sweatpants become a darker shade instantly. It was a straight downpour with absolutely no sign of letting up, you swore you heard thunder when you waited at the crosswalk. Due to your phone lying to you, you had not brought a hooded article of clothing or umbrella so you just had to deal with everything going wrong. 

There definitely was thunder and the lightning was right above you, it seemed like you were the last person on Earth because everyone else was smart enough to stay inside right now; but not you. Down your little street you began to run, trying to get away from the lightning that was chasing you. 

If you could guess you’d say most people who had been struck by lightning most likely thought they were too far away, in denial as the sky opened up from above. It was hard to admit you were actually a little scared at that moment, rain getting in your eyes as you sprinted down to your house that was now in view. 

With your key at the ready you fell inside, slamming the door behind you. 

Natasha rounded the corner, “you idiot, I was trying to call you!” She screamed and saw your state, “Steve and Bucky are over-they drove over they could have picked you up,” Natasha got in your face to peel off the sweater, taking it off right over your head and leaving you in your bralette and those drenched sweatpants. 

“You took off my shirt when there’s boys here?” you whispered as you began to shake, covering your chest with crossed arms. 

“We guessed you were walking back so we put towels in the dryer,” as if on cue Bucky rounded the same corner with your fluffy towel ready, “thank you Bucky,” Natasha wrapped it around your shoulders. 

“Hi, Bucky,” you squeeked, “glad we keep meeting like this.”

Natasha had walked upstairs, most likely getting different pants. Bucky got down on one knee and slipped off your shoes, “like what?” he asked as he looked up, he reminded you of a little puppy somehow. He was as big as a great dane but there was an underlying softness that made you want to hug him or just let him wrap his arm around you. 

You huffed as you pulled the towel tighter, “when I’ve just done something embarrassing and you’re there to save the day.”

Bucky stood up with his arms crossed, “only you would think crying or getting caught in the rain is embarrassing,” he shook his head and reached out to rub your shoulder that was covered by the towel, “I like helping and I like making sure people I know are okay, you know this.”

“I do,” you whispered and walked further in your house. Before you could get anywhere near comfortable Natasha whisked you away to change your soggy pants as well as throw on a sweater, they had also been thrown in the drier, everything was very toasty and warm.

Steve was sitting on the couch, staring intensely at the football game going on. Natasha guided you back in and towards the couch. There was enough room for four of you but you knew thighs would be pressed up against one another, you were okay with that if Bucky was sitting beside you. Though you don’t see him often it was nice when you did even though you made it seem like it was embarrassing. Something about having someone who loves taking care of people take care of you so well caused you to crave it a little more. 

Bucky came around the couch with a mug, “hot chocolate for you,” he whispered and took the spot beside you, next to the arm rest. You thanked him and let your hand slightly burn on the mug when you held it, liking how the warmth began to spread up your arms. Natasha found her spot on the other side of you while Steve stayed on the edge, leaning forward and never looking away from the game. 

“This is really good,” you sipped it and whispered to Bucky, he just smiled and leaned into your side for a moment. 

“What were you working on?” he asked after a moment. 

“I was at the cafe for a little treat but before I was doing my elective course,” you spoke softly. It seemed like everything happened for a reason because you only got food at the cafe which left room for this hot chocolate now. 

“And that is?” Bucky giggled as he leaned forward again. 

“Art history,” suddenly, you were coy. Most people thought your elective was a bird course but to you it was actually interesting, it wasn’t often you were met with a positive response. 

His eyes got wide, “that’s sick!” Bucky readjusted himself off the couch, “I would have never even thought of that course, wow, that’s really cool. So, like, what do you-”

“Bucky, I love you, brother, I really do but-” Steve sighed, “can you please be quiet, this game is very important.” 

“I didn’t think the Big Game was on today?” you asked as you took another sip. 

“It’s not that,” Steve places his beer down, “it’s the State Cup Finals, it’s college football.” 

Natasha smiled and looked over, “his team’s the underdog and are actually on the road to winning the entire thing!” She giggled and linked an arm with Steve who was happy to cuddle up with her, “it’s actually very exciting once you learn the ins and outs of it.”

You just nodded and faced forward again, seeing Bucky out of the corner of your eyes rubbing his thumb on the neck of his beer bottle, staring off into space. The moment you leaned your head on his shoulder he looked over at you, your heart broke when you saw a sad smile. He was just trying to talk to you, he got excited for you and here he was being scolded. 

“Do you want to come look at some of my notes, or are you into this game?” you whispered and saw his eyes light up, both of you quickly stood and headed up stairs with your bag slung over your shoulder. 

The moment you walked into your room you felt everything slow down, Bucky slowly walked in and looked around. He was smiling to himself as he l took in your photos on the walls or posters, even your to do list seemingly growing on the white board you have mounted to one wall. 

You sat on the corner of your bed as he flipped through your notes, “so you’re, like, breaking down these paintings, it's not just the history of when they were painted?”

“Oh yeah,” you fiddled with the hem of your dry sweater, “most of these artist go insane and we look for that in the work or even just what was happening during the time with stuff that you’d learn in a normal history class but we look at if and when it get put into art,” this was your little thing you could talk about for ages, “very cool stuff.” 

Bucky nodded and flipped the pages, “your notes are amazing,” he whispered, “you’re a pretty good student, huh?” he looked over his shoulder and saw you sitting there, just staring at him as he made his way around your room. “What?” he giggled and made his way over to you, holding his hand out to get you to stand up. 

“Nothing,” you tucked your chin to your chest, getting coy at the attention. “You’re just…y’know, sweet.” 

Bucky just smiled and rubbed your arm, giggling as you both stared at one another for a moment. “Do you want to go back down?” 

“Sure,” you nodded and leaned forward, smiling as you both made your way back downstairs. 

The rain still worked its way down your windows as the beers and wine kept flowing. The game had ended a while ago but Steve and Bucky didn’t see a reason to leave, it was a good moment that no one wanted to end. You had finished your hot chocolate and moved onto wine, sipping it slowly as everyone talked. It was nice to be brought into this group even though it stemmed from Nat and Steve, there was good chemistry between the four of you. 

Talking to everyone was effortless, you didn’t need to act like someone else to fit in. no one was yelling over someone else to get their point across, there weren't any passive aggressive tones in anyone's jokes, it was carefree. It was relaxing to have people this easy to talk to. 

The only thing that wasn’t relaxing was the amount of times you caught Bucky staring at you. Everyone had migrated to the floor with their backs against different furniture so you could break out the board games, Bucky was sitting adjacent to you on your right and Steve adjacent on your left, Nat right in front. Every single move whether it be placing a card down or moving your little object around the board Bucky would find a reason to look at you. 

“Good one,” he’d pat your shoulder. 

“Let me move your piece for you,” he’d say before you could reach across the table. 

“Sorry…” he’d smile before taking your little object and moving it back four spots. 

He was very attentive, always watching and scanning. But the more you noticed it the more you figured out he was doing it to everyone, including Steve. Something happened whenever Bucky would either move Steve’s piece for him or go get another beer so he wouldn’t have to stand up, Steve would give this look. It seemed as though he was silently telling Bucky he knew something or he was pointing something out that had been a topic of conversation before. Bucky would try to laugh it off but Steve was very protective of Bucky, you just didn’t know why. 

The games had slowly come to a close, everyone not drunk but a little more than tipsy. Giggles flowed freely around the table as the conversation resumed again, your eyes were growing heavy as you traced the rim of your glass. 

“I’ll be back,” Bucky muttered as he headed to the washroom. 

The moment the door closed Steve sighed, “this kid.” 

“What?” you were getting protective, why was Steve about to talk shit about his best friend? 

Steve just shook his head, “It’s hard to see how badly Winnie fucked him up.” 

Your heart plummeted. Any tiredness had left your body faster than the little gasp escaped your lips. Who was this Winnie girl and why did he mess Bucky up? The thoughts circled your head, was he in an abusive relationship? Natasha looked like she didn’t know either, pouring more wine into her cup. 

When Bucky came back he sat closer to you and you couldn’t help but reach out and wrapped your arm around his. He must have been a little surprised but you rested your head on his shoulder and continued on like it was nothing. 

You were half asleep when Bucky tried to do something for Steve, maybe get him another beer but whatever it was it left Bucky looking like a sad puppy because Steve said, “Buck, relax, I can get my beers, thank you, but I got it, alright?”

Steve's tone was soft but also commanding, he wasn’t annoyed at all. With your eyes closed you pieced it together that Steve was trying to help Bucky in some way, maybe get him to relax a little more. It was out of love but Bucky was very quiet for the rest of the night. 

********

You and Bucky had started hanging out a lot more on your own. There were a lot of late night drives or study sessions, Bucky always came to the library to walk you home if you stayed late or had turned your brain into mush during your studying. 

What Steve had said stuck with you more than you thought it would, it didn’t impact how you saw Bucky but it made you more aware of his people pleasing tendencies. You wanted to do the same as Steve, tell him it was okay but you weren’t as close. You saw how hurt he was the last time and you just couldn’t do it to him. 

Currently you were both sitting on his bed, the movie was wrapping up. Half of his laptop sat on one thigh and the other half sat on Bucky’s, your arms were linked and there was a steady brushing of your thumb on his forearm. In all honesty, you thought you were lulling him to sleep when you looked up five minutes ago to see him fighting his dropping lids. 

When the movie faded to black both of you sat there for a moment, content with the sitcom that was coming up next. You looked up again to see him with his face scrunched up, his other hand was on his back. 

“What is it?” you asked and leaned over, he was rubbing a specific spot on his lower back with his thumb. 

Bucky held his breath as he leaned forward to move his hand, “I was working out this morning and there weren't any belts left for my deadlifts and I did something to my back.”

“Do you want a massage?” you offered, he’d do the same for you. 

“I’m okay, thanks,” he looked down at your head resting on his bicep. 

“I didn’t know you worked out,” you smiled, “you don’t have the, like, bodybuilder physique.”

Bucky laughed and wiped at his eyes, giggling to himself before answering. “I don’t want that look, but…” you could see the boast on the top of his tongue, he poked his tongue on the inside of his cheek. 

“Tell me!” you sat up, taking the laptop off your lap so you could fully face him now, “are you, like, ripped or something?” you both laughed as he hugged himself so you couldn’t feel or see anything, “you are, shut up!” you placed both hands on his shoulders, his face so red from laughing and embarrassment you just wanted to take a bite out of it. 

“Steve calls it a sleeper build,” Bucky managed to wheeze out, he was trying to play-fight you off of him. 

“What the fuck is that?!” you gasped as your hands reached out but he copied you and intertwined his fingers with yours. 

“It’s when someone has muscle but you can’t really see it in normal clothing,” his face was calming down as well, but that stupid smile was still on his face. “It just kinda happened, just how I am.”

You tried to move his arms around but you couldn’t, his fingers were still tightly woven with yours. You just laughed and fell back into him, cuddling up again. “I had a friend's mom who was an actual masseuse, so…” you shrugged, “I actually know what I’m doing because she’d give me massages and walk me through her process.”

“You just want to take my shirt off, don’t you?” Bucky taunted. 

“I want to make sure you’re not uncomfortable the entire time we hang out and for the rest of the week,” you giggled before snuggling into his arm again and watching the show that had come on randomly. 

It took three days before Bucky came back for that massage. 

You were hanging out again like normal and he was still trying to relieve the ache in his lower back. It was becoming sad to see him so uncomfortable so you kept reminding him of your excellent massage skills. After what you counted as his third groan of pain you just looked at him and soon enough he was asking you to turn around so he could take his shirt off and lie down. 

Choosing your angle to stand with your back to him was a science, you wanted to make sure you had the mirror to look at but you also didn’t want to make it obvious. Part of you hated yourself for wanting to catch and peek at his body but it was infamous now, you just had to look. 

And my god was it worth it. 

It wasn't an obnoxious amount of muscle that made it seem like the strength drained from his brain and into his arms. The sleeper build comment was right, you had no idea. His chest made you feel comfortable and protected, the kind of chest you’d want to fall into when the subway starts up too quick and you’re not holding onto anything. His arms were, and you already knew this, amazing at covering so much surface area for hugs. They were secure and trustworthy, you knew that when you hugged him he had you; it also helped to remember when he’d whisper it in your ear. 

“Okay,” his voice was muffled by pillows at the top of your bed. 

You turned around and were greeted by his back which was also an amazing sight, the kind of body sculptors would use and their go-to subject if no one else was there. “I have some lotion on my hands,” you warned and pressed your palms onto his back and quickly began spreading the lotion around. 

Though this wasn’t a proper table and he was resting on one cheek instead of face down you knew this was the best he’d get for a college kid. You started all over and slowly worked your way to focusing on his lower back. When you felt the knot you knew you found it, the thing was massive. The low groan Bucky let out was close to pornographic as you dug into him. 

Something about seeing him grip the sheets, making his veins pop out, did something to you. At first you only really saw Bucky as another friend or a good member of the friend group you stumbled your way into. But the more you spent one-on-one the more you realized he was your perfect guy. Any guy can be perfect physically but his personality enhanced your view for him, it made you appreciate his looks even more. 

His laugh always brought out the crinkle in his nose and those pretty teeth, the sound of him giggling was music to your ears and also was the perfect accompaniment to his squinted eyes or broad smile. The same with his little fist pumps he does when beating you at a game either around a group of friends of a video game, that stupid celebration he does every time causes him to flex his bicep but that’s secondary to the little circles he makes with his fist.  

You kept working away and looking at his rested face once in a while, seeing his eyes closed and the relieved look on his face. There was something so pure about watching the guy your slowly obsession over fall into simple relaxation all because of you, it was a treat. 

“How’s that?” you whisper, “Bucky?” trying to make sure your pressure wasn’t too hard for him you wanted to check in, but he had fallen asleep. With the opportunity in front of you, you reached out and placed your bent knuckles along his cheek, feeling the stubble tickle your fingers. 

You found him blanket on his bed and covered him up so he wouldn’t get cold with his shirt off, before leaving you placed a kiss on his forehead before heading downstairs for a snack. You also wanted to give him space, let him sleep peacefully. 

Steve was down there when you got there, another roommate of his cooking as you found Bucky’s section of snacks to choose from. 

“Where’s Bucky?” Steve asked as he looked over his shoulder, not for long due to the football playing on the TV. 

“Sleeping upstairs,” you ate the goldfish as you rounded the couch to watch the game. 

He seemed taken aback at your casualness, “what did you guys do…?” he slowly looked over, most likely trying to see if your hair was disheveled or anything was blossoming on your neck. 

“I gave him a massage,” you shrugged and fell back onto the couch, “his lower back has been killing from his workout a while ago.” 

You could see Steve look over his shoulder to see if his roommate was also hearing this, he looked over at you again and squinted. “So- and correct me if I’m wrong here- you gave Bucky a massage and put him to sleep and now you’re down here getting a snack?” 

“You would be correct,” you smiled, “would you like to do a once over of my neck for hickies or maybe rummage through the trash for condoms?” you sassed and plopped a few more goldfish in your mouth, “I was helping him.” 

That statement made Steve look over his shoulder again. The roommate just shrugged with a smile before heading down to his room in the basement, noodles steaming from the cup. You just looked at Steve as he tried to piece together everything, it was actually funny to see him try to understand. 

“Bucky doesn’t accept help from anyone,” Steve turned to face you, “it’s his thing to never want to be in debt with anyone when it comes to favours of any sort.” 

“Well,” you just sighed, “I’ve been picking up on that too but I got to him I guess, he let me do something for him.” That was all you could say because you didn’t have a full background of why Bucky didn’t accept help from anyone you just knew he didn’t; the only clues you had were Winnie and her role in this. 

“That’s good,” Steve quickly added, “I’m far from saying it’s bad, trust me, it’s just he’s been in a funk for a while when it comes to that stuff, it ebbs and flows.” 

“Do you think he’ll ever tell me?” you asked as you watched the game, too embarrassed of the question to look at Steve. It seemed there was this vital piece of information that made Bucky who he was that was dangling right in front of your face, you were falling for him but that thing that made him him was out of reach. When Steve first made the statement he siad that this Winnie girl fucked him up which implied something bad much have happened and that can also mean something isn’t necessarily right. You were never going to fix Bucky but you did want to understand so you could help be a better friend to him and not unconsciously get in the way of his mindset. 

Steve nodded, “he’ll definitely tell you,” he looked over and smiled, “I mean, you’re all he ever talks about, this kid is head over heels for you  it’s just…some guys have hard times coming to terms with their past, he’ll get there though.” 

“I know,” you nodded, “I’ll obviously never force it out but I do want him to be aware I’m here to listen, y’know?” 

“He knows,” Steve laughed and stood up, going to the cupboard and grabbing a little snack for himself as well. 

You took a deep breath before standing up and heading back upstairs, you were guessing Bucky was still fast asleep. When you opened the door you found him still laying on his bed in the exact same position, only now there was little snores coming from him. 

With a pout you crawled back onto the bed and sat next to him, placing your hand on his back and sliding it down to his arm that was bent up so his hands could rest under the pillow. Your thumb gently rubbed his arm for a moment before pulling out your phone and scrolling through it. 

The boredom ate away at you, instead of scrolling through your phone you went to his dresser to find some clothes you could change into so you could crawl under his sheets and sleep over. When you pulled open his top drawer you were met with his underwear and socks as well as a box of condoms tucked to the side, you just giggled to yourself at the painfully college male sight in front of you. 

Something about wearing his boxers made your face heat up, that was a level of intimacy you wanted to reach with him one day but you didn’t know if it was time. Looking over your shoulder after a particularly loud snore you smiled to yourself and picked up a black pair, as you held it up you remember seeing the waistband sticking out of his jeans while he reached above his head to grab something for someone - you weren’t focused on his actions at the time. 

Quickly slipping your pants off and pulling up the boxers you maneuvered to his closet, finding your favourite hoodie he wore very often. This moment of intimacy, moving around Bucky’s room while he wasn’t aware, caused a surge of confidence to shoot through you. Though you had never talked to Bucky about what the relationship between you was, you knew both of you could agree there was no room for girlfriends or boyfriends for either of you, this was the time to build the foundation for something better later. Having this idea of only being the girl in his room you took off your bralette and tucked it back in his top drawer, across from the condoms.

You didn’t choose this bra specifically but you were wearing a slightly lacey bralette, it was far from lingerie but the lace added something to it. Making sure you put it where it wouldn’t be obvious but also not hiding it, you grew giddy at the image of Bucky finding it. 

Before getting in his bed you tugged and tugged the sheets under his body before managing to get the covers fully out from under him. You scooted in and pulled the sheets up to cover both of you, it seemed he really needed the sleep because nothing was waking him up, not even the little hug you gave him before turning off the lights and falling asleep beside him. 

********

You were sitting in class aimlessly scrolling through your phone during your five minute break in your lesson, your art history professor was one of the best teachers you've ever had. She was funny but also well informed, she also had a big heart and didn’t need a eulogy as a form of proof if someone asked for an extension due to a funeral service that day. 

Bucky: What the hell is in my dresser? 

Without knowing the tone or context your heart dropped. You read the text with Bucky’s voice as if he was screaming at you, a hint of embarrassment in his tone. It was in your head, you didn’t know if it was a flirty tone either. 

You: Just my bra, when I stayed over a couple of nights ago I changed into your clothes and just absentmindedly put my bra in your top drawer. I probably was just going through the motions and thought I was at my place. 

Bucky: Can I pick you up from class, when does your lecture end?

Something about him completely disregarding your explanation - lie or not - gave you the worst feeling in the world. Ice poured down your back as you watched your prof make her way back up to the little stage she teaches on, you couldn’t keep the conversation going and just needed to deal with it later. 

You: sure, it ends in an hour. 

Bucky: I’ll be there. 

Part of you didn’t want to leave when your lecture was over, you stayed in the hallway for a moment and thought of every single end of the world situation that could happen in the car. Bucky didn’t seem like a guy who hit women but your anxiety didn’t let you leave out that thought. He also didn’t seem like the guy who’d reveal he’d been dating another girl the entire time but who knows, he could be in a three year long relationship as you stood there. 

With all these terrible situations playing out in your head you decided to face it head on, you’d walk in there and wouldn’t let him talk; just saying your apologies with your eyes closed before he could get a word out. 

You walked down the steps and to the right to find Bucky’s car parked in front, coming up in the blindspot. You took a moment to take a deep breath, opening the door and sitting down as quickly as possible. 

“Do you-”

“Bucky,” you put your hand out but kept your eyes casted down, “I am so unbelievably sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I don’t know if you already have a girlfriend and she found it and it caused a rift in your relationship, or if you like to sleep with other girls and one of them found the bra and got jealous so you lost your credit. I don’t know what made you angry but please, I am so sorry for what I did, I wasn’t thinking and I just put it in there and I-...” you just held your mouth open as you looked at the center console, you had run out of things to say. “Um,” you slowly looked up to see him frozen in shock, mouth still slightly open from when he began to say something, “sorry, you were about to say something?” 

Bucky had to physically rattle his head to get out of the shock he was in, “do you want to get some coffee?” 

Your eyes flicked up and it was your turn to stay frozen, “what?” 

Bucky pulled his brows together, “I was making a joke about the bra thing,” he seemed concerned at your extremely anxious state, “I don’t care what you leave at my place, I really don’t,” normally someone would laugh in awkward situations but Bucky didn’t, it felt like it made everything worse. “Do you want coffee?” 

“What is going on?” you couldn’t believe the situation you had put yourself in, nothing was making sense. 

“Don’t get all mad at me,” now it was time for him to scoff, “you’re the one that thought I was sleeping with multiple women while I’m actively pursuing you, you idiot.” 

“Don’t call me an idiot,” you huffed and faced the front of the car, crossing your arms after putting on your seatbelt. 

Bucky laughed as he reached over and turned your face so you’d look at him, “that’s what you took from that statement?” He giggled, “babe, I just said I was pursuing you, does that just fly over your head?” 

“Wait, what?” you grew more interested, “you want to date me?” 

Bucky nodded, “have I not made it obvious?” You just shrugged and began to feel small, curling yourself further into the seat of his car, “I would like to take you out and I would like to continue to collect little pieces of you at my place while doing the same to yours, does that make sense?” 

“Then what were those condoms for?” 

“The same reason our house keeps tampons in our main bathroom,” Bucky put the car in drive and began working towards to coffee shop, “if you ever need a tampon you go and grab one, if Steve ever needs a condom and he’s out of stock in his room he comes to me,” Bucky looked at you at the stop light. 

“Oh,” was all you could say. 

“But let me get a few things straight,” Bucky placed his hand on your thigh, “I’m not sleeping with other girls, I do not have a secret girlfriend, I am not mad you left your bra in my dresser and I tried to make the text seem flirty, and finally,” he went at the green, “I really like you and I would like you to be my girl whenever we get there.” 

“Okay,” you whispered, “I’d like that too.” 

“Then it’s settled,” it was a short drive to the cafe, “let’s celebrate over coffee, shall we?” 

You looked down at his hand on your thigh, “yeah, we shall.” 

********

Your body felt like it was floating, your legs tingled and it was hard to catch your breath. As you laid on your back with your hands on your bare stomach Bucky worked his way back up from between your legs while leaving kisses on your hip bones as well as your stomach when you lifted your hands. 

“How was that?” Bucky asked breathlessly, licking his lips before kissing you. 

You kept your answer waiting, probably because he knew it already, kissing him slowly as he wanted. He was fully in control right now, setting the pace and tone of this entire afternoon. When he pulled away for a moment you complimented him like always, your hands reached up to his shoulders and tried to push him to lay on his back but he stayed strong. 

“Flip over,” you whispered and ran your hands down his chiseled stomach, working your way up to his shoulders as your fingernails raked up his back. 

“I’m all good,” he shrugged. 

“But you’re painfully hard,” you tried again to get him to move but he just fell beside you on his stomach, not allowing you to touch him where he was in fact, extremely hard. “Come on, you always do this.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiled and pulled you down with him. 

“I just want to do something nice for you, you never let me do anything for you or give you any favours,” in your head it seemed like a normal observation, it was true that Bucky didn’t let anyone do anything for him while he actively tried to help everyone in anyway he knew how. 

That seemingly struck a nerve, “alright then,” he sighed and got up from the bed, heading into the bathroom as he left you naked and alone on his bed, the most lonesome feelings in the world. 

“Where are you going?” you sat up, grabbing your shirt from the edge of the bed. 

“Going to go jerk off in the shower,” he said as he closed the door. 

“You can’t be serious,” you quickly stood and made your way to the bathroom that was connected to his room. You opened the door to see him already adjusting the tap before starting the shower. “Bucky, it’s the truth, it’s who you are but it’s the truth and as your girlfriend I want you to feel good, I want to give you pleasure like you do to me.” 

You reached forward and placed your hands on his back, slowly working your way to his shoulders so you could turn him around. There looked like shame had overtaken him as he stood before you, though he was larger in size he shrunk himself down to look small. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, he didn’t know what to say. 

“If I can’t give you head then can I come in the shower and wash your hair?” you didn’t even put on the shirt you grabbed, it was dropped to the floor. “Come on, honey, it’ll feel so good.” 

Bucky only nodded before stepping into the hot shower with you. You made sure he got most of the stream on him, you stayed in front and made sure his hair was soaked before getting any product. You could see his tenseness at first but the moment your hands made contact with his scalp his eyes rolled back, his shoulders relaxed. In that moment it occurred to you that you had actually never seen his relaxed state before. 

“Doesn’t this feel good?” you whispered, making sure you used your nails to really cleanse his scalp. “Doesn’t letting yourself relax and breathe feel so good, Buck?” 

“Yeah,” it came out quiet and broken. 

Your eyes were focused on his hair the entire time, making sure you lathered up and took your time. You needed to savor this moment for both you and Bucky, you wanted him to be relaxed for a s long as possible as well as taking advantage of doing him a favour; never knowing when your next opportunity would come up. 

Gently tapped his forehead, you got him to lean back. The water immediately took off the top layer of suds but you needed to rub out the deeper layers as well. Your fingers scrubbed until the trail of water rolling down his body was pure water and had no shampoo in it. 

“I’m going to- oh, my gosh Bucky,” you reached out and saw his red eyes, “when did you start crying?” 

“I can’t remember,” he whispered and tilted his head down, the water pushed his hair to cover his eyes. 

You pushed his hair back and pulled him out a step further so the water hit his back, your thumbs quickly wiped away a mixture of water and tears off of his face. He couldn’t stop crying as you tried your best to keep his face clear, “honey, what’s wrong?” 

“I-” he choked on his own words, “I’ve never let my guard down this much,” he admitted before breaking off into harder sobs, you swooped in and pulled him tightly against your chest. 

“I know it’s a new feeling,” you whispered, “but I want you to be able to do this all the time, let your guard down around me,” it was a shot in the dark by saying this but you did it anyways, “I promise I won’t hurt you, I’ll never take advantage of your guard down, love.” 

It must have struck something because his knees buckled, his hands gripped tighter as he desperately kept you close to him. You didn’t know if you were making him feel better or worse but the act of letting go was needed for him, you kept holding him until there was nothing left to cry. 

When he pulled away he stayed close, close enough that you kissed him under the gentle rain of the shower and played with his hair at the base of his scalp. His hands stayed on your back and held you close to him, making sure you were always touching him in some way. You tried to get a good read on him but he kept his head low and gently ran his hands up and down your sides, just feeling you. 

“You’re very safe,” you whispered. 

Bucky looked up at you for a moment before keeping his eyes down for a while, his brows pulled together and it seemed like he was trying to say something but didn’t know how. Both of you were open and vulnerable, naked in the hot shower. Tears threatened to spill over at the picture of Bucky crying in front of you. 

“It was my mom,” Bucky whispered, “the one who broke me-”

“You’re not broken,” you quickly corrected, cupping his face and stroking his cheek with your thumb, “don’t say that.” 

Bucky just shrugged, “I’m the oldest, I have four sisters younger than me - all different dads.” Bucky took a deep breath and pulled you closer, “my mom…Winnie was an interesting woman who never wanted to be pregnant but somehow always ended up pregnant anyways, it also didn’t help none of the guys wanted to stick around.” 

You wrapped your arms around his neck, giving him the easy opportunity to hug you if he needed to. Nodding along, you encouraged him to keep going. 

“When my mom realized I could do the dirty work she would take advantage of that. I basically raised my sisters and somehow she managed to worm into my head,” he let out an angry laugh, “she’d say she loved me if I did things for her and I was a bad boy if I couldn’t or wouldn’t help her, she would say I didn’t love her if I didn’t change my sister’s diapers or bathe them while she sat on the couch.” 

“Bucky,” you were the one to instigate the hug, “that’s awful.” 

“And I’m aware of how I act now, all I’ve ever known is helping other people to make sure they love me,” he laughed again, “and it sounds stupid but I can never break out of the cycle, I always think I’m doing a good job or not being overbearing but then I start to second guess myself, you know?” he pulled away and looked at you, you quickly nodded. “I start to think about what people are saying behind my back and so I keep doing what I’m doing to stay on the safe side, I know it’s fucking annoying but I can’t help it.” 

“It’s not annoying, baby” you leaned past him and turned off the water as it grew cold, “and if you’ll let me I can help with that, I don’t want to fix you or change you, I just want you to be comfortable in this relationship and not think I’m secretly mad at you because you didn’t get me a glass of water.” 

Bucky nodded, stepped out of the shower with you and grabbed two towels. The conversation had naturally ended, Bucky didn’t have anything else to say. It was hard not to think he was overthinking again, the idea that you were causing him to stress out stressed you out. You were being truthful when you said you wanted him to be relaxed in this relationship, the last thing you wanted was underlying tension. 

Back in bed Bucky rolled over and cuddled into your breasts, holding you closely as you watched his head rise with your breath. You had no idea if he was asleep or not, you knew he wouldn’t mind either way if you played with his hair. 

“Thank you,” was all he whispered before falling asleep. 

********

You all sat around the couch to watch another big game. Though you had no idea what was going on you were just as into it as Steve. Half time had just started and you all took a collective breath, the two college teams were close. 

“Want another beer?” you asked as you stood up, looking at Bucky who was sitting on the couch. Steve and Nat had already filled up, you wanted another cooler and Bucky was almost done. 

“Yeah,” he quickly downed his final sip of beer before handing the bottle off to you. 

There was this anticipation in the room, you smiled and took the bottle and walked past Steve who was already looking at Bucky. The room seemed still when Bucky didn’t move, just pulling out his phone to look at something while the commercials played. Before making it into the kitchen you looked over your shoulder and saw the back of Bucky’s head, you bit your lip to suppress the smile that was growing. 

The moment you got back and sat next to him Bucky took your hand and pulled it into his lap. He fidgeted with your finger before looking over at you, “how’d I do?” he whispered. 

You laughed and leaned into his side, “how much did that make your cringe?” 

“I was in pain for a moment,” he answered as fast as possible before giggling with you as you clink your glasses together and take a long swing. With a deep breath he looked back at the game and kept your hand in his. Bucky must have not been paying attention but his phone buzzed, illuminating and accidentally showing his lockscreen. 

It changed from the photo of the two of you to a black background with white writing on it: 

Trust me, she’s not mad at you.

********

Thanks for reading, feel free to reblog and tell me what you think!

Taglist: @jackiehollanderr​ @tylard-blog1​ @readingbooksanddrinkingtea-blog​ @linzc-reader​ @hotleaf-juice​ @honeybunchesofbucky​ @seybox​ @yaszx​ @happyt0exist​ @striving4averagegirl​ @searchf0rtheskyline​ @aya-fay​ @wbyss​ @luvrsbian​ @albertdabuttler​

[endless-summer-soldier]

dr. feelgood - chapter three

pairing: Surgeon!Bucky x SurgicalIntern!Reader

summary: Y/N has a one night stand with a handsome stranger the night before starting her new job as a surgical intern. Little does she know, the handsome stranger also happens to be her new boss

a/n: this one is pure steam and maybe the best smut I've ever written ;) I hope you all enjoy ittttt

warnings: must be 18+, smut, praise kink, unprotected sex, rough sex, biting, spanking, dirty talk

word count: 2k

series playlist: here

taglist: @sebsgirl71479 @ozwriterchick @notmeddy @drewsuncrustables @lokidokieokie @hextech-bros @nats-whore @m4nulup1n @arcanebabe @tanyaspartak @jackiehollanderr @princezzjasmine @fallenlilangel99 (message me to be added!)

series masterlist

The surgery was excruciating, yet also exhilarating. It lasted nine hours, but watching Bucky work was amazing. He was so calm and in control of everything, maneuvering each unknown with a sense of ease. Even the nurses seemed smitten with him. And his eyes. Every now and then he would peer at me with those eyes and I thought I might melt. Even though we were in the operating room, he was giving me flirty bedroom eyes and I was very into it. He would ask me questions, testing my instincts and my surgical knowledge and with every correct answer he praised me.

And then he let me cut, and I knew I was a goner. He was teaching me by letting me actually do surgical procedures instead of just watching. It wasn’t anything major, but I was doing it when all the other interns hadn’t even seen the OR yet. I loved that he was challenging me to make me a better doctor.

Once the surgery was complete and the patient was stable, Bucky instructed me to close up. It mostly consisted of sutures and tidying up the wound which wasn’t terribly difficult, but it was something I got to take the lead on. Bucky walked out of the OR and I could’ve sworn he gave me a wink as he passed me by. 

When I walked out of the operating room, I felt on top of the world. I couldn’t stop smiling. And then I saw Bucky, in his scrubs, leaning on the counter by the nurses station, biting into an apple. I knew I was toast. The only explanation for my actions is that my brain was not working rationally, still feeling the natural high from surgery.

I joined him at the nurses station, pretending like I was looking at paperwork.

“Nice work in there, Dr. Barnes,” I complimented.

“Why thank you Dr. Y/L/N.” 

“Would you mind coming with me? I have a patient issue that I think you should see.”

“Is it urgent?” he asked, taking the last bite of his apple.

“Very urgent,” I said. Before I could wait for a response, I walked down the hall, away from the patient rooms. 

It wasn’t a long walk to our destination. I could sense Bucky walking behind me and heard him say, “Where exactly are we go-”

Before he could finish his question, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the on-call room. I deftly locked the door and pushed him against the wall, immediately connecting my lips to his. I kissed him with desire and it only took him a few seconds to react and kiss me back. He tasted sweet as I sucked the lingering nectar from his honeycrisp apple off his bottom lip. The next minute, his hands were all over me and I was trying to get his scrub top off.

“You were amazing in there,” I breathed as he kissed my neck. 

“Prepare to be amazed again,” he replied.

“My god, you’re so cocky,” I stated, in between kisses.

“You got that right,” he smiled as he redirected my hand to the bulge in his pants. His arrogance was oddly a turn on, and I knew it was completely warranted. He was good at his craft: in the OR and in the bedroom.

I slid my hand into his pants and grabbed his throbbing erection, moving my hand up and down the shaft with varying levels of pressure.

“You are such a tease,” he whispered, effortlessly pulling off my scrub top.

“You like it,” I countered, tugging on his earlobe with my teeth. That set him off and I was no longer in control. 

He now had me pinned against the wall with my pants around my ankles. I worked to get my shoes off and kick my pants away as Bucky’s fingers started exploring my folds and circling my clit.

“How’s that, baby?” he murmured. 

I barely had a response, “So, so good.” I clawed his bare back as a means of portraying my arousal. 

“I’m gonna need more than that.” He unclasped my bra with his free hand and his mouth was on my nipple like cobalt being pulled toward a magnet. I let out an involuntary moan and my head lolled back onto the wall with a gentle thud. He pulled his lips from my breast to work his way up my chest, pausing to bite my collarbone, before invading my mouth yet again. He increased the intensity of his fingering and a deep moan escaped my mouth right into his. He pulled back slightly and smiled into the inch of air between our lips.

“Are you ready for me?” he asked. It was then I noticed he had shed his pants and his hard-on was eagerly poking my abdomen.

I nodded my head as I tried to still my breathing in preparation for what was to come.

“Use your words, sweetie.”

“Yes, please. I need you inside of me, Bucky.” Hearing his name across my lips sent him into a frenzy. He grabbed my backside and hoisted me up, pushing me into the wall even further. I wrapped my legs around his torso and he effortlessly slid into my sopping wet pussy.

“Fuck,” I breathed as his phallus filled me up. He continued thrusting in and out, changing up the tempo when I least expected it.

“That’s it, baby. You’re taking my cock so well.” His praise turned me on more, if that was even possible. “You’re so tight, you feel amazing.” I clutched onto him tighter, running my fingers up his neck and through his cropped hair. I clutched his short hair in my hands and pulled his head back, away from my face. He looked surprised initially, until he realized I wasn’t signaling for him to stop, I was redirecting him. I offered my exposed neck to him and he grinned before running his tongue from my ear down to my shoulder. I sighed when he opened his jaw wide and sunk his teeth gently into my shoulder. I shuddered as he sucked in, surely leaving a mark on my fair skin.

“Oh you like it a little rough huh?” he asked, working his tongue around my ear. I couldn’t form words, so I just nodded my head and let out another heavy breath. He smacked my ass and I let out a little yelp, taken by surprise but enjoying the tingling sensation.

“I’ll give you rough,” he growled. He carried me over to the squeaky mattress and tossed me down. I grinned up at him and saw him smiling down at me, “Flip over, pretty girl.” I moved so that I was in tabletop position, propped up on my elbows and Bucky grabbed my hips with his steady hands and yanked me toward him. He entered me from behind with a quick thrust and I was back in a euphoric state. He worked quicker this time, his thrusts moving at an increased pace and his hand continued to find my ass without causing too much pain. 

My mind was cloudy as I neared my orgasm, but I remember him continuing to praise me with words like, “You’re such a good girl, taking my big cock.” There was a final deep thrust and shockwaves ran through my body. I had no control over the sounds coming out of my mouth as I finished and Bucky was right behind me, pulling out and spreading his seed over my bare back. As I drifted back down to earth I purred, “You are a god,” before realizing just how pathetic those words were. Bucky didn’t acknowledge my compliment and instead found his scrub top and cleaned me off.

I turned over and slid under the covers of the bed, seeking a moment to catch my breath and reflect post-coital. I was surprised when Bucky slid in next to me and planted a kiss on my forehead.

“What are you doing?” I asked, stunned by his actions.

“I’m cuddling you,” he replied, turning me to the side so he could spoon me.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because we just had sex and that’s what you do after sex.”

“Maybe if you’re in a relationship, which we are not.”

“Oh come on, just enjoy this.” He said, grabbing me around the waist and pulling me tight toward him. I had to admit, it did feel nice.

We caught our breaths in silence for a moment, but my head was reeling. I couldn’t believe that I initiated this. What was I thinking? This was such a bad idea. And the over-analytical side of me couldn’t put it to rest.

“So, this can’t happen again,” I finally stated.

“Oh really? As I seem to recall, you initiated this.”

“In a moment of weakness,” I argued.

“You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy that.”

“I did,” I admitted, “But it was a bad idea.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because it’s inappropriate! You’re my superior. You’re supposed to be mentoring me and teaching me things.”

“Oh I can teach you plenty of things,” he purred.

“Not sex things. Surgery things.”

“Who says those things have to be mutually exclusive?” he turned me over so that I was facing him.

“I cannot be the intern who is screwing her attending.”

“Who cares?” he asked.

“I care! I want to be known as a good surgeon for my skills, not because my boyfriend is letting me scrub in on all his surgeries.”

“Did you just call me your boyfriend?” he preened.

I rolled my eyes, “It was hypothetical.”

“Regardless, I’m going to play favorites whether or not we’re together because I think you have a talent for trauma and you’re better than all the other interns. The fact that I like looking at you and I enjoy being around you is just an added bonus.”

“Okay but you are an esteemed surgeon. I am barely out of med school. If things go south, I’m the one that’s getting fired. And I care too much about my career to jeopardize that.”

“Well I certainly don’t plan to mess this up.”

I sighed. How could he be this stubborn and so charming at the same time. 

“I’m serious Bucky, this can’t happen again.”

“Whatever you say doll.” I didn’t know what else to say. It seemed like the more I declared this to be a bad idea, the more I wanted it. And Bucky clearly had no concerns about the situation whatsoever. 

He interrupted my thoughts with the words, “Praise kink, huh…” I blushed and turned to him, not willing to admit he was right. “It makes sense. You’re a doctor and you crave positive feedback. You like knowing you’re the best.”

“How could you tell?”

“I see it in the OR. Every time you do something right, you hold yourself a little higher, happy to have impressed. I figured you might be that way in bed. But you’re quiet too.”

I nodded my head, trying not to give away any more info. “Why is that?” he added.

“...I don’t like being in charge.”

“Now that is interesting. Because funny enough, I love being in charge.” His voice was lower, almost seductive.

“I know what you’re doing, and it is not going to work.” At this point, I climbed out of bed, redressing and preparing to get back on the floor.

“We’ll see about that,” she said smugly. I rolled my eyes as I searched the ground for my thong. Once I was fully dressed, I ran a hand through my hair to try and tame it.

“I’m going back to work now,” I said, about to exit the room.

“Thank you Dr. Y/L/N. When you find yourself in need of a sex god, you know where to find me,” he said, shooting me a toothy grin. I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist using my words against me.

I shot him a death glare and said, “Bye Bucky.”

next chapter

[pinkiebieberpie]

oh, yes, i know that he's my ex, can't two people reconnect? (the biggest lie i ever said) - i just tripped and fell into his bed

and i told my friends i was asleep but i never said where (or in whose sheets) and i pull up to your place on the second floor and you're standing, smiling at the door and i'm sure i've seen much hotter men (but i really can't remember when)

bucky moodboards list

*bad idea, right? by olivia rodrigo - hookup with ex!bucky

[captnvbarnes]

➼ 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑹’𝑺 𝑩𝑰𝑵𝑫 | (17+) 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

theme — mcu zombie au!

pairings — bucky barnes x fem!reader, steve rogers x fem!reader

warnings — graphic gore, language, angst, undead themes, apocalypse (twd inspired zombies), substance abuse, graphic violence, use of weaponry, cannibalism, slight fluff, smut, character deaths, forbidden love, slow burn, inspiration taken from twd universe

summary — the outbreak had happened as quick as the first bite. one, then two, then 1/3 of the population became 2/3’s. before any of the avengers could comprehend this threat, it overcame them with new york’s rising population becoming undead. bucky is your protector, not by choice but by chance he was there just in time to save you. you two flew the compound, leaving the life you knew. leaving your husband to rot. as you two grapple what this new world has become, everything became too much. the world depended on you guys to save them, but how could you save anyone now? and when the blood runs and the nights become colder, who will save you?

This story is best suited for a mature audience, so read at your own discretion.

➽────────────────────❥

PROLOUGE

OUTBREAK DAY

RUN AWAY

LEAVE IT

FIRST GLANCE

THIS IS HOME?

ATHEN

TRIGGER BANG BANG

ASSISTANCE

CAMP HELLFIRE

SINNERS

MAROON SKY

STRAYING

I CAN’T GO ON WITHOUT YOU

GHOST IN THE WIND

A SHINY PEARL

WELCOME HOME

SAVOR THIS

IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE

RAPTURE

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO BREAK?

SAVE YOURSELF FOR SOMEONE ELSE

SALVATION

EPILOUGE

➽────────────────────❥

tag list <3

@buckystevelove @frombkjar

[lovelybarnes]

Football and Flirting Masterlist

College football star Bucky Barnes is immediately enamored when he meets you. You? Not so much. But Bucky Barnes is determined. And the teetering-on-cynical views that you hold for relationships are about to realize exactly how determined he is.

based on this request

Football and Flirting

Found Waldo: Bucky searches for you in the crowd after a big game (request)

(Coming Soon)

(Coming Soon

[saltsicklover]

Title: The First Official Letter - Fan Mail Pt. 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2900

Rating: T

Warnings: Depictions of blood, mentions of killing, angst, mentions of hangovers. Swearing. Soft Steve.

-- To be continued. I hope you enjoy! Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list :) --

This story now contains a lesbian couple, OCs, and this is a PRO LGBTQIA+ Page. If you do not support or cannot be kind, you can kindly get the fuck off my page and get your free media somewhere else. NO TERFS, NO HOMOPHOBIA, NO HATE. Happy Pride Month!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bucky Barnes, or anything related to Marvel within this piece. Not Proof Read or BETA'd. All mistakes are my own.

I do not consent for my work to be edited, reposted, or translated.

You are responsible for your own media consumption. This is a work of fiction that may contain mature themes. If you are sensitive to those subjects, please do not read.

Maybe Bucky shouldn't have written at all. The thought swam around Bucky's mind for weeks. Since the moment he ran down to the mail room, the elevator taking much too long for his liking, and attempted to sweet talk the lady behind the desk. She did not allude to the fact that both Steve and Sam were hiding in her office.

Steve and Sam made it to the mail office the first thing the morning after the bar, Steve more or less dragging a very hungover Sam behind him. Steve insisted that he saw Bucky's letter in the 'Outgoing Mail' pile on the kitchen countertop when he got up to get a glass of water that night, but the pile was gone this morning. And if Steve knows Bucky like he thinks he does, and he does, the moment Bucky wakes up he is going to try and get that letter back. 

The boys made it to the mailroom with only a few moments to spare before Bucky came running down the hall. Steve only got a couple of words in before they both shoved into the small office, pushing their backs up against the door as to not be seen from the other side of the service window. 

"Hi, uhh, hello," Bucky  huffs a bit, a hand coming up to slick back his bangs from his forehead. "I mailed a letter, and I would like it back," The woman behind the window does her best not to snicker at his words, her eyes casting a quick glance over to the men currently hiding only a few feet from her. 

"I'm sorry sir, but once letters have been mailed they cannot be unmailed," She speaks, her eyes not leaving her computer. She worries that if she looks at him, she won't be able to keep from laughing at the whole situation. Working in the tower always comes with antics by the hands of the Avengers, but the trouble they get into is always a bit surprising.  

"Please, Miss," Bucky's eyes flash down to her nametag than quickly back up to her face, "Miss Brown, I really do need that letter back," 

"I am sorry, but I cannot release any mail once it makes it this far. Once it is in this office, it is stamped and sent on its way to the post office. You will, however, get it back if it is marked returned to sender," Miss Brown finally looks at him, biting her tongue a bit to keep her composure. 

"Are you absolutely sure there is nothing I can do?" Bucky's tone boarders on begging now but he does his best to flash her his best puppy dog eyes, the same ones that used to get any girl he set his sights on. Steve elbows Sam hard in the ribs to subdue his snickering. 

"Excuse you, but I am old enough to be your mother, you better not be propositioning me, young man," Miss Brown scolds at him with a pointed finger and Sam has to clasp his hand over Steve's mouth to keep his laughter from giving them away. Tears peak at Sam's eyes as he fights to keep back his own roar of laughter. 

Bucky sulks away a moment later, and when he is out of sight Miss Brown turns to the two large men who have fallen to the floor with laughter, tears streaming down their faces. 

"And what are you two laughing so hard about?" She questions, looking down at them from her seat. The men try and regain composure, they really do, but each time they look at each other they burst into another fit of laughs. They aren't laughing at Bucky, of course not. They are laughing at just how precisely well Steve knows Bucky, and at the way Miss Brown was so quick to put Bucky right into his place. That was two weeks ago. 

Now, Bucky almost falls out of the elevator due to exhaustion. There is a thick layer of sweat holding caked mud onto his skin, the dirt already worked deep into the fabric of his tactical uniform. Chunky pieces of earth fall off his boots as he trudges through the main living area of the compound, leaving a trail behind him with each step. 

The mission went to hell in a handbasket. From the moment he stepped foot off the helicopter it seemed like everything was going wrong. Between jammed guns and twice as many Hydra goons as originally thought, Bucky was in over his head. "Leave no bodies" behind turned into a a trail; one that left Bucky feeling queasy and on edge from the moment he crawled back into the helicopter at the extraction point. He wasn't even fortunate enough to collect the data he was sent out to get, the whole operation came up dry. 

Agent Hill tried to assure him during his debrief that it wasn't a total loss- one less Hydra agent on the street meant the world was a little safer and with the amount of firepower that Bucky bestowed upon them, that sliver of the world is looking a lot safer. This knowledge did nothing to calm the stir of sickness that flows under Bucky's skin. The only thing that is keeping him going is the thought of the ice cold shower waiting for him at the end of it, so he continues to trudge past his friends in the kitchen. 

"Hey, Buck," Steve calls after his friend. Bucky doesn't stop moving towards his quarters. 

"Bucky!" Sam calls, shooting a glance Steve's way, confusion written over both of their features. 

Bucky wasn't going to stop, he really wasn't. The promise of cold water easing his muscles and the image of the blood and dirt running from his skin, swirling down the drain is too enticing, the thought itself cathartic, but Steve's words manage to have him halting mid-step. 

"You have mail, Buck," Steve's voice caries down the hall, "Its two letters, and they are pretty thick," Bucky turns now, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. 

"You look like hell," Sam mutters when Bucky rounds the corner into the kitchen. Bucky sends him a glair that could shake the heavens but doesn't say a word. 

"Here you go," Steve holds out two envelopes for Bucky, both stuffed full. Bucky doesn't waste a second before ripping into the top one, small tight script on the back reading "Open First". He takes the letter out of the envelope, his eyes drawing over the words quickly.

"Dear James- Bucky, Dear Bucky, I can't even begin to explain how happy I was when I came home to find your letter in my mailbox. I couldn't even contain my joy, if we are being honest. I'm not exactly sure how to go about writing to you now, even though I was the one who proposed being pen pals so I guess I am just going to ask you some questions and maybe you can answer them on your letter back? Only if you want to, of course. 

Is it possible to come off as nervous through written word? Because I am positively nervous. I feel like it may be silly to ask, but what do you do for work? I know you are an Avenger, but that means you have exciting stories, right?  What do you like to do when you have free time? Do you have a favorite song?

I guess I should tell you a little more about myself. After my grandparents were killed, I was moved into a house with a lovely couple. Jan, my Ma, is the sweetest woman. She loves to cook and bake. She used to sew my clothes when I was a kid, and she always made us matching outfits, for her, my Mom and I. My Mom, Dottie, is a mechanic. Her specialty is motorcycles. She and my Ma have been in a local club for longer than I have been alive. They do charity events and fundraiser drives. They are really wonderful. 

When I first came to live with them I really wasn't sure what my life was going to look like, but they took me in and loved me like I was their own. It really made a difference in my life and I couldn't be more thankful that I get to call them my family. After I got out of  high school, I went to a really fancy school to become a barber. The school was snobby and the people there took themselves way too seriously but I love my work. I work out of a little shop in Hell's Kitchen called "Sargent's English Traditional". We call the shop "The Set". It's quaint, really. 

Anyway, I sent along another envelope with this one, and it contains some bits and bobs to help you get to know me. I hope to hear from you soon, Bucky.

Warmest Regards-" 

Bucky can't help the smile that he wears as his eyes fall over the words. There is still a part of him that cant believe that someone is taking time out of their life to write to him. He tries not to dwell on that fact, a bit of excitement blooming in his stomach. 

"What's it say, pal?" Steve nudges Bucky's shoulder. 

"It seems my pen pal is a barber," Bucky smirks, "And they work in Hell's Kitchen," 

"What's the other envelope?" Sam asks, bringing his drink to his lips. Bucky turns his attention back to the other letter, a small, yellow, manilla envelope lined with bubble wrap, ripping it open carefully. He dumps the contents out on to the countertop. Bucky begins to flip everything face up, not looking at each piece too long before moving to the next. 

"What is all this stuff?" Steve inquires, leaning closer to the small collage of items on the table. He reaches forward and picks up a flattened coin, the face of the coin distorted and warped along with the metal. Sam picks up a different item, a set of three pearl buttons. He fingers them around his hand, looking at the delicate pearls from every angle. There are other items too, plants that were once pressed between pages of a book and a ticket stub from a local jazz show. There were pieces of paper with poetry written across them in small neat handwriting and clippings from magazines. 

Bucky didn't care about any of it, nor the list that was included that described each item and their meaning, he just didn't care. Instead, he reaches for the polaroid photo that peaks out of the discarded envelope, the corner still stuck on the tack strip that once held the letter closed. He holds it face down for a moment, the realization that there could be anything depicted on the other side sets his lungs ablaze. With a deep breath he tries to fan the fire that burns behind his ribs- he flips the photo. 

His action catches the attention of Sam and Steve, their eyes quickly jumping from the other objects to the photo that seems to be dwarfed by Bucky's large hand. Their eyes each map over the photo, taking in each individual detail. 

The black and white photograph contains a large brick building, the photo taken from street view. There are plants on the front stoop and clothing lines hanging from windows that string out of frame. There is a caption written on the bottom in red pen, one simple word accented with a heart, "home". 

Both Steve and Bucky come to a stop, their eyes locked on the photograph. Bucky's senses are overtaken by the sweat that seems to slick over his body in an instant, mixing with the grimes that is already stuck to his skin. He flashes hot then cold, a shiver running down his spine. 

He couldn't care less about the mission anymore, the lives he had to take or the blood that is buried deep under his fingernails. He doesn't care about how he almost fell out of the elevator or about the cold shower he swore he would stand in until he lost track of time. All that matters now is this, the photo in his hand and the sender that made this moment happen. 

Sam looks back and fourth between the two, reading a sort of sick nostalgia written across both men's faces. 

"What exactly are we looking at?" Sam asks, his voice low. 

"Home," Bucky and Steve both whisper, eyes coming up to meet each other. 

"That's where we used to live, right before I got shipped out," Bucky's voice is no louder than a whisper and it wavers a bit with each word. 

"You technically didn't live there," Steve interjects, his voice only a hair louder than his friends. "You still lived with your Ma and your sisters. It was my place, but he was there so often we were basically roommates." 

Sam acknowledges Steve, listening to his story but Bucky can't seem to take his eyes off of the brick building. He never thought he would see it again, usually avoiding it when he is in that part of town. It was a part of his story he wasn't ready to revisit. He has seen his family home and other important places from before the war, but this building was not a place he was ready to bring into the twenty first century. 

Maybe he wanted to leave the memories preserved. If he didn't go back, the bubble of time would exist in his brain and everything would be left untouched. He liked it that way. A part of his life he deemed perfect, untouched by the claws of Hydra. If he left it there, pristine and sparkling, it would live on that way forever. 

But here it is, encapsulated in black and white, staring back at him. Maybe a part of him knew he wouldn't be able to escape it, the knowledge that it would change with time, just like he did, just like everything. 

"Buck, you might want to look at this," Steve holds out a piece of paper, the list and descriptions of the items in the envelope. Bucky takes it with a shaky hand. He rakes his eyes down the list, looking for a description for the photo. He finds it under number seven. 

"This is my building in Brooklyn! I think it's a beautiful piece of architecture and I just wanted to share! My Ma helped me find it in an old school newspaper ad. I have lived here for two years now and has been wonderful! The windows are original and they have a habit of getting stuck to prove it. The woodwork is original too, there is even a height tracker that was kept in one of the closets, the pencil marks and initials are still there! SR, JR, SGR, and JBB. I hope they were happy here." 

"Do you really think that could be possible?" Steve asks, his eyes on his best friend. 

"At this point, I am willing to believe anything," Bucky answers back. It's like they can communicate in half thoughts, leaving out the meat of the conversation, instead communicating it in a way that only they know.

"Does someone want to fill me in here?" Sam questions, trying to read the paper upside down. 

"Bucky's pen pal lives in the building I grew up in with my parents, and by the description, they might even live in my old apartment." Steve explains. Bucky looks up but doesn't reach either mans eyes. 

"Just when I thought this couldn't get more interesting," Sam whispers, more to the room than to his friends. They stand there for awhile, silence enveloping them like a heap of fresh snow. Sam and Steve shared glances, not sure how to best support their friend. 

After a little while, Sam pulls the photo and the paper from Bucky's hands, setting them on the table. Steve takes Bucky by the arm and walks him to his quarters, whispering in words that Sam can't quite hear.  Sam collects the mail, putting all of the trinkets back into their original place before setting them back down. 

Steve brings Bucky to the bathroom, helping him strip of his tactical gear. He brushes hair from his forehead attempting to keep the blood soaked strands out of his face. He turns the shower on, warmer than Bucky would have done himself, if he could have, but he gets into the shower anyway. Steve stands with his back against the closed bathroom door, his shoulders square, jaw set. 

He is swimming in his own feelings but he pushes past the waves instead standing guard for Bucky, keeping the demons of his past at bay while the other man roughly scrubs away the mission from his skin. The dirt, the blood, the remains of his perfect fucking memory. Bucky scrubs his skin raw until its red and weeping. 

Bucky lets out a sob, one he barely seems to notice and one Steve definitely doesn't comment on. When Bucky finally draws back the curtain, his face is swollen, tears hidden behind the water that drips from the ends of his now clean hair. The men do not speak, instead Steve lets Bucky pass. 

He is off to write a letter. He is sure this time around, no room for maybe. 

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[justkending]

Finding Memories. Chapter 15.

Series Summary: Waking up with little to no memory of her past, and being saved by a group of individuals who call themselves heroes, sends a long time captive for a whirlwind trying to find some form of grounding in this world she quickly learns runs on chaos. But she’s not the only one trying to figure out her forgotten backstory. Bucky Barnes, along with the other Avengers, can’t help but sense that there is a lot more to the whole situation than a diagnosis of amnesia. Her background slowly starts to come forward in pieces of her past and hidden information discovered. Who is she? And why was she in the room they were meant to destroy?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced Reader 

Word Count: 4400+

A/N: For those of you who have been patient with this story, I would like to say that your reward is here! Meaning, we are finally going to get some answers friends;) I hope you enjoy and I’m excited to see what all you think! Happy Valentines Day loves! Here is my gift to you!!

TW: Torture, cussing, and blood. 

Chapter 15:

The next morning, Bucky found himself awakened just as Y/N was about to walk out the door. Either she had been extremely quiet in her morning routine, so much so not to wake the light sleeper spy, or he had really been that far gone in REM. 

But when he saw her gathering a few small items before leaving, he sat up from the couch and rubbed his eyes, letting out a raspy voice still riddled with sleep. 

“Hey,” he cleared his throat. “Where are you headed off to?” 

She looked up from where she was fixing her shoe and stood up adjusting her jacket. 

“Oh, hey,” she smiled at him kindly. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Given who you’re talking to, I’m shocked to say that you didn’t wake me up,” he chuckled, throwing his legs over the side of the couch and stretching in the new position. “I must have just woke up perfect timing.” 

She grinned softly, happy to see that he had gotten some much-needed sleep. He seemed worn out most of yesterday but happened to do a really good job masking it. 

“I’m going to go for a walk. I checked the weather this morning, and it’s actually really nice outside for once,” she answered his first question. “Would you want to come with-”

“I’ll tag along,” he stood up promptly. 

Her question and his answer overlapped and they chuckled it off. Bucky quickly got dressed and the two began walking downstairs. 

His main concern was her going out on her own. Considering Wanda was on a mission and couldn’t join her like normal, he figured she was finally getting comfortable enough in the environment to go on adventures on her own. 

A walk around the compound was a simple step in that direction as she had already become familiar with the paths and trails that were mapped out along the property. 

The first couple minutes of the walk was in silence as they basked in the rare day of warmth on a fall morning. It was still cold enough for a jacket and comfortable pants, but much less layering than normal. 

“Did you see any of the show last night before you fell back asleep?” he asked. 

“Yeah actually,” she smiled, hands in her pocket and eyes on the ground as she admired the color-changing leaves at their feet. “I think I was fighting sleep because of how invested I was.”

“I hate to give him credit, but Sam was the one who introduced me to Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Was kind of a stepping stone into the modern world of Brooklyn where I grew up. From a comedic and exaggerated standpoint, but setting-wise, it was a fun way to research, if you want to call it that,” he chuckled, looking down at her kicking a few more leaves with her feet.

“So you’re from Brooklyn?” 

“Born and raised,” he nodded. “Steve too.”

“Wow,” she grinned at the thought. A fleeting intrusive thought came and went, wondering where her hometown was. “What was it like back then?”

“Given the time, very technologically advanced. Or at least working its way to that. I never really saw anything between 1944 to 2012 really. I revisited it shortly when I was on the run,” he answered. 

He had told her a little of his time when the world thought he had killed the King of Wakanda and before when he tried to unalive Steve, so she knew what he was hinting at. 

“Have you visited since then?” she asked. 

“A few times. But sometimes it’s hard not seeing it the way I remember it. Overwhelming to a point,” he was honest. “I’ve learned to like the quiet of being out of city limits. A younger and less life-experience version of me would probably argue that, but I’ve gone through some things that changed my senses. It can be chaotic and hard to hear my own thoughts in what used to lull me to sleep as a kid.”

“Crazy how the world can change you,” she replied, a piece of her knowing she was a victim of that as well. 

A few more minutes passed of silence as they took in the morning chirps of birds and wind rustling the leaves that had yet to be shed. Bucky also keeping an awareness of any surprises.

A question was poking and prodding at him, waiting for an answer to the mysteries that were presenting themselves recently. 

“Can I ask you a question?” His tone showed he wasn’t sure if he would be pushing a boundary, but also showed that he had things he was curious about her as well. 

“Sure,” she nodded, still looking down at the leaves.

He worried his question would sound intrusive when in reality he was trying to figure out what all had been going on with Nat and Wanda. 

“How has training been going?” He kept it simple to start out. 

She noticeably locked up some at that, and he took it as if he had pushed too far. When in reality, the weight of not being a hundred percent honest about their findings was nagging at her recently. 

“Remember, when you’re ready to tell others, that’s your choice. We’ll help you figure it out until you’re ready for more people to know,” Wanda’s voice echoed in her thoughts. 

She never hesitated in trusting Bucky since he proved to be protective at the museum. Before that, she truthfully had found he was one of the few people in this world she had a genuine and natural trust toward. She had felt awful about keeping their discoveries about herself from him, but she had done it in fear of not truly knowing what all she was capable of. 

But after opening up to each other and the last few days spending quality time with each other, made keeping the secret hard and unnerving. 

Yet here he had created the space, to be honest finally and she was ready to let him in on it all. 

She stopped in her walk and when Bucky noticed, only one step ahead, he stopped and turned back to her with concerned eyes. 

“I haven’t been ready to share with anyone really what all came of that night at the museum, but it’s only because I didn’t understand it for myself and I wanted to talk to another girl about it,” she started, he took a soft step forward. “I just was worried you would be scared of what I did that night, but I didn’t even know for sure what I did.”

He lowered himself some to see her eyes where she was avoiding looking at him. 

“Y/N,” he reassured, placing a calming hand on her shoulder and coaxing her to look at him. “If you’re worried about my feelings being hurt because you waited until you were ready to tell me what’s going on, you shouldn’t be.” His words worked in getting her to make eye contact and he could see the distress ease some. “You never pushed me to tell you my past or worries. You let me explain them to you when I was ready. I would be a hypocrite to expect something different.”

She smiled at that, but then it slowly fell when she realized just how much she had kept from him. 

“Truthfully, it’s just kind of small things here and there, but-”

Her thought process was cut off and she looked over Bucky’s shoulder with eyes full of fear. He picked up on it immediately and turned around with his body shielding hers in instinct. 

But he didn’t see anything. It was the same clear path they had been walking the whole time. 

Then, before he could process the fact that there was a smell in the air that he knew, Y/N had jumped in front of him. She raised her arm and the sound of a shot echoed at the same time a large purple haze shielded them from the attempt. Bucky scanned the plum smog filled with overwhelming colors glistening throughout.

In any other situation, he would be looking closely at the details and making note of everything that he saw, but this situation could turn any second. There was a threat and that was his main priority. 

When she looked up from her position, eyes squinting, and realizing that it was done on instinct. An instinct she forgot she had until now. With her arm still up, they looked down seeing a squished bullet slightly smoking on the ground after its impact with the powerful mist. 

Bucky and she both shared a look of astonishment, but they were quickly occupied with who the assailant was. 

As if a completely different person, Y/N looked forward once again. When her eyes were back on the target, he noticed an anger in her eyes and a look of recognition.

Before he could look back to where she was staring, still seeing nothing himself, she twisted her hands in what looked like a practiced way. Both heels of her palms connected and with her hands open, she twisted them to the right making them change positions. 

In the motion, a dark purple field with specks of rays colors in energy enveloped her hand, and in front of them was a man with his arms stuck to his sides struggling to get out of the hold of invisible restraints. 

Bucky hadn’t realized, but in the past 30 seconds of all this happening, he had been stuck there with his mouth gaping wider and wider with each action she did. 

She stepped forward to the man a little more than 10 feet in front of them. Her look still showed her anger at the attack, but unlike the museum, she wasn’t terrified. She looked pissed. 

“You,” she mumbled, her hands still glowing and being the only thing keeping him incapacitated. 

He didn’t say anything, just stared at her in an intimidating and annoyed way. Bucky could see fear in his eyes, but behind it, he could see annoyance at her quick response. 

“You weren’t supposed to be able to do that yet,” he seethed, once again struggling in the invisible hold she had him in. 

“Who the hell are you?” The adrenaline was already wearing off, and the realization of the whole scene was settling in, but she pushed it away wanting answers. “What do you want?!” she shouted. 

He stared at her with a stone-cold look. He wasn’t going to talk. Bucky knew what the type of stubbornness was like on someone you needed information on. He knew there was a good chance they weren’t going to get anything out of him here. Not now at least. 

Bucky had to snap out of the bombshell that was just dropped on him and get Y/N and the enemy to a secure location. 

“Friday, tell Stark to get the cell ready. The one we talked about,” he quickly instructed into his watch, not stopping to hear a response as he approached Y/N. 

Before he could de-escalate the situation, Y/N moved her hands in another way that showed this wasn’t the first time she had done it, and the man fell to the ground completely knocked out. 

Bucky was once again trying to wrap his head around what just happened, but decided the questions would have to be asked at a less time-sensitive moment. 

When Y/N saw the unconscious body she looked shell-shocked at him. Bucky pulled her shoulder to him to turn her back to the body. 

“I’ll handle this, but I can’t let you leave my side, ok?” he instructed calmly.

She nodded, closing her eyes and trying to control her breaths which were becoming shakier and shakier by the second. 

“He won't be out for long, so we need to move him quickly,” she said in a small voice. “Don’t ask me how I know that, but trust me please.” Her plea was almost as if begging him to not look at her as a monster after she did what she did. 

“I trust you, Y/N. It’ll all be ok, I promise,” he nodded, assuring her that he wasn’t freaked out, even though he was. 

But it wasn’t the kind of freaking out that lost his trust. He was freaked out that she did what she did without hesitance and as if she had done it a hundred times before. 

Quickly, Bucky picked up the man and before they got to the entrance of the compound, a team of agents was already bringing equipment out that would keep him detained. 

After finding out about the enhancements of all those they were up against, Tony was quick to create restraints that would hopefully hold any type of mutant they had researched. He had made a form of handcuffs that kept the man from changing density, and he learned the invisibility enhancement was just bending light to keep others from seeing what he projected it toward. 

What would be impossible fixes for a normal person, but was just an average Tuesday experiment to Stark. 

___________________________ 

In the process of getting the new enemy in a secure environment and restraints, Bucky refused to let Y/N anywhere outside of his peripherals. 

He was working on the paperwork to admit the detainee and get the start of his report in. He wished he could have just signed a few and gone to check in with Y/N immediately, but paper and signature line one after the other wouldn’t stop coming. 

Y/N was across the room waiting for one of the nurses to do a check-in with her, while everyone else was running around frantically trying to get things under control after learning about the infiltration. 

Agents were running around checking security cameras and entrances, though they were coming up just as empty as Bucky did considering how he was able to break in. Tony was discussing security measures and instructions with the modified restraints and the room he was now in. Shield scientists were already running reports and writing up tests to answer the multitude of questions that were brought to them. 

It wasn’t the type of environment that Bucky wanted her in and he knew it was slowly starting to get to her when he could see clear signs of stress from the distance. 

Her leg was bouncing. Her hair was disheveled from the number of times she had combed her fingers through it. She couldn’t seem to focus on one thing and was watching everyone scramble around her. She had been fidgeting with her hands; popping them, intertwining them, and squeezing them together in patterns. 

He knew she was freaking out and wanted to get her out of there, but every time he got a step closer, another person was cutting him off, asking him questions, and making him sign things. 

Just before he was going to break through the crowd, not worried about another question that needed to be answered, he noticed the nurse they had been waiting on, was finally there.

She bent to the ground, set her medical bag by the chair, and started saying things that Bucky couldn’t hear over the chaos that was happening around him. She must have started listing all the things she was going to check up on because he could see Y/N avidly shaking her head at her instruction. 

Bucky watched closely, not paying any attention to the agent showing him security footage and asking how she saw him. He knew she was already on edge, and having to deal with a stranger at this time, wasn’t the best plan.  

Then she made the mistake many rookies made. She tried to lend support through physical touch by reaching out and placing a hand over Y/N’s trembling ones. 

Bucky knew instantly shit was about to hit the fan. Anyone struggling with PTSD, and especially with one that had triggers like Y/N, they were the last person you wanted to lay a hand on. With good intentions or not, you never know what kind of reaction you would get from physical touch. 

“I SAID, I DON’T WANT TO BE CHECKED ON!” she shouted and almost everyone in a 30-foot radius turned at the outburst. It was silent for the first time in the last 20 minutes. “Damn it! Would someone just listen to me!” She was up out of her seat screaming with anger and pure frustration in her actions and voice. 

It took the first three words of her eruption before Bucky was strutting to her. The kind of strut that made anyone in his path step quickly back, not wanting to be in his wake. 

The nurse was freaked out and already stepping away from Y/N in apprehension, but Y/N wasn’t showing any signs of wanting to harm her. Her back was toward the nurse and she held her head in her hands tightly trying to block out everything overstimulating her around her. She began pacing in her step just trying to calm herself down. 

Clearly, she wasn’t trying to scare anyone, but she was tired of being ignored. 

“Hey, hey,” Bucky came up to Y/N’s side calmly, careful not to make the same mistake as the nurse. Though he had taken the time to build that bond with Y/N that type of action from him didn’t scare her anymore, he knew she was a ticking bomb at the moment and didn’t want to stress her any more than she already was. “What’s going on? Are you ok?” 

“I’m fine,” she grunted, still clearly irritated with the situation. 

He looked to the nurse who noticed his stare and shakily brought a paper out to show the order that she was given. She came just to check her vitals and take a blood sample. 

Bucky nodded, showing she wasn’t in trouble, but gave her a head nod showing it was best she just stayed back. She  agreed, grabbed her bag quickly, and moved to another area. 

“Y/N,” he said softly, his hands up showing surrender if she did turn around. The signal showcased that wasn’t going to make her do anything she didn’t want to. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

She didn’t respond or lift her head from the cradle she held it in. She seemed to find a place of solitude in her controlled position. He let her stay there for a bit and when he turned to see most people still staring in dead silence, he gave a glare to them all and they quickly went back to work. 

If there was one thing about his past that was actually beneficial, it was that it made it easy for him to give a single look to get what he wanted.

The loud environment started back up, and to his surprise that seemed to bring her back to him. He deducted she didn’t care for the attention on her and wanted privacy in her meltdown given being in a very public place.

And deep down, she was embarrassed that she had reacted the way she had. She didn’t mean to scare the women trying to help her, but everyone was ignoring her when she said she was fine. She didn’t want help. She didn’t want people messing with her while she tried to process what just happened. 

Yet not a single person listened when she said she needed a second alone. They just kept telling her not to leave and to stay seated and wait until she was checked on by a professional, while they hauled Bucky to the other side of the giant facility. 

“I just needed a second,” Y/N finally replied. Her voice was barely above a whisper. “But no one would let me have it.” 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “It’s protocol to run those kinds of tests. I meant to tell them to wait, but they kept hauling me back for more notes.” He took a step forward, lowering his arms some. 

She turned halfway to him. Her anger dissipated some but the hurt and annoyance were evident in her body language. 

“Can I go?”

“Now?” 

She didn’t answer but instead gave him a look that asked, “Are you seriously asking me that?” 

This version of her was new to him. He had seen her terrified and stunned. He’s seen her upset and saddened. He’d seen her happy and comfortable. But he had never seen her angry. 

This was new territory to him and he wasn’t sure how to approach it. Especially since his answer was not the one she was wanting from him.

All he could think to do was be honest. 

“I know you want to get out of here, but I think you should at least let her take your vitals. What happened out there wasn’t something you can just walk away from-”

“I’ve walked away from worse,” she snarked back.

He’d seen positive sides to her bold and quick wit traits, but he wasn’t sure how to take this meaner version of it. 

“Y/N,” he furrowed his eyebrows, still trying to process her remark. He didn’t want to be domineering, but he was extremely protective of her at the moment and needed her to be ok. “I’m not trying to make you upset, but it won’t hurt to have someone check to see if everything is ok.”

“Please, just let me leave,” she turned her back to him again, bringing her arms to hug herself. Her snark started to die as she was becoming exhausted begging for someone to just trust her and let her leave. “I’m fine. I just want to go curl under a blanket and hide away.”

He got it now. 

The flip of anger to surrendering back and forth was partially her adrenaline crashing, and partially what he believed to be guilt. The emotion came from feeling at fault for all this happening to people she’d grown close to, homes. 

He hated that she felt that way when she was at no fault at all. It wasn’t her fault that people were hunting her down even though she was actively avoiding them. And it wasn’t her fault for them infiltrating a highly secure facility. She was not at fault for others actions.

Bucky wanted to grant her her request and let her go curl up away and hide from the world that wanted so badly to keep beating her down. He wanted to be the person who kept her safe from it as well. 

But in keeping her safe, they needed to do a check-up after what he saw her do. There was no way everything was normal. 

“Doll,” he started, and she turned to him with hope in her eyes. But before he could crush her dreams, he was saved by Bruce. 

“Hey. What’s going on over here?” he smiled, friendly and keeping a casual tone about everything even though he was coming into the facility when he heard the commotion. “Everything ok?”

“Banner,” Bucky sighed, a breath of relief following. He stayed next to Y/N but motioned Bruce closer. “I could use your help,” he whispered to him. 

Bruce nodded but went on to ask Y/N questions knowing how to play his cards. 

“I heard what happened. Is everyone ok?” he asked her, really asking because he knew the answer that everyone was ok, would relieve a person's soul that feels guilty for what they did. Experience, wink, wink. 

When she turned to him, she looked back at Bucky as if double-checking he was actually ok, and then looked back to Banner and nodded. 

“Good. Then everything is perfectly fine,” he smiled reassuringly. “How do you feel about getting you to bed and out of this place? It’s not very calming in here,” he shook his head before motioning for her to lead.

She gave him a look surprised someone was letting her go and she didn’t even have to ask them. But she took the opportunity quickly and began walking to the exit with the purpose of getting out of there fast before they could change their mind. 

Bucky and Bruce followed behind and Bucky started getting onto Banner. 

“What are you doing?! She needed to have someone check her over and make sure she didn’t get hurt,” he started. 

“She stopped a bullet with her hands, Barnes. I don’t think she got hurt,” he chuckled as if not even slightly bothered by the problem Bucky was worrying himself about. 

“The hell?!” Bucky was confused by the scientist. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I am,” he replied, following about 20 steps behind Y/N. “I’m not letting that new intern poke and prod at Y/N.”

“What?” Bucky was lost now. “She was a normal nurse.” 

“No, she was called due to an emergency. She was a student CNA which is a nurse's assistant,” he broke down. “I watched her put an IV in a plastic dummy 12 times before she got it right. That thing doesn’t have a pulse or move and she kept missing.” 

Bucky’s head turned at that. It made sense why she made such a rookie move touching Y/N’s arm without a second thought. And the horror on her face when she was screamed at… 

“Ok, but why are you letting her go to her room?” he whispered now they were out of the loud and overpowering ruckus. 

“I can still take a sample and run a simple check-up from there,” he shrugged. “Plus she’s more comfortable in her own space, so I won’t be poking her when she’s already anxious and uncomfortable. She hates needles already. Why add to the stress?”

“You have no tools on you,” Bucky checked him. 

“I had someone leave a bag in the kitchen if she ends up letting me do the check-up,” Bruce answered. 

“How did you know-?”

Bruce stopped in his step and Bucky halted with him. 

“I know you’re smarter than this, Barnes. But I also know you’re probably still in shock with everything that just happened. Most everyone here suffers from PTSD. The Avengers just happened to be the most mentally ill considering how we tend to all get to that kind of ranking,” he smiled at him, before placing a hand on his shoulder and looking up at him with a wise grin. “I know too well the steps a person takes to calm their nerves. I knew Y/N would be freaking out after what happened out there. I too would rather be in my room than the hell we just walked out of.” 

And he walked on following where Y/N clicked the elevator and kindly waited next to her as she rocked on her feet waiting for the number to match their floor. 

Maybe it was the fact he was still trying to process the whole last hour of everything they had gone through. 

Shit. It had only been an hour. 

He hadn’t even had a chance to process it all. 

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[geekyglimpses-nest]

1. Agent of Battle, The Hunting Secrets Instalment List (On going)

Started: 03/04/2024

Last Updated: 19/04/2024

Warnings: +18, slow burn, graphic language, humor, sexual content, physical trauma, blood (gore), bodies/corpses, death, drug use, guns, murder (atempted), PTSD, violence.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x og character

Long synopsis: Delaney Kingsley, an astrophysicist working on a secret project for S.H.I.E.L.D., finds herself thrust into a world of espionage and danger when the organization is infiltrated by H.Y.D.R.A., a nefarious Nazi group intent on world domination. Identified as a target by H.Y.D.R.A., Delaney narrowly escapes a near-fatal encounter against their deadliest assassin, the Winter Soldier.

Haunted by her traumatic experience and branded a traitor, Delaney's life spirals into chaos as she battles legal accusations and grapples with her shattered trust in the world around her. Seeking solace, she retreats to the quiet town of Enumclaw, Washington, where she forms new connections and begins to rebuild her shattered life.

However, when the Blip plunges the world into chaos, Delaney's newfound peace is shattered once more. Devastated by loss, she dedicates herself to the monumental task of restoring what was lost. But as she delves deeper into her work, she is drawn back into the world of Captain Wilson's new team, and she's reunited with the enigmatic Bucky Barnes, now free from H.Y.D.R.A.'s control.

As they navigate a world threatened by resurgent evil, Delaney and Bucky find themselves drawn together by shared trauma and a common enemy. But as their partnership deepens, Delaney uncovers shocking truths about her past and her connection to H.Y.D.R.A.'s insidious plans to emerge from the ashes.

With danger lurking at every turn, Delaney and Bucky embark on a perilous journey to confront their demons and prevent H.Y.D.R.A. from unleashing its dark agenda upon the world once more. Along the way, they forge a bond that transcends their shared pain, leading them to confront not only their enemies but also the secrets buried within themselves.

Delaney's visions of the future grow stronger, hinting at a destiny she is only beginning to understand. With Bucky by her side, she embarks on a quest for truth that will test their courage, their loyalty, and the strength of their burgeoning connection.

In a world teetering on the brink of chaos, Delaney Kingsley and Bucky Barnes stand as beacons of hope, ready to confront the darkness that threatens to consume them all. But as they confront their pasts and confront their demons, they will discover that the true power lies not in their abilities, but in the strength of their hearts.

CHAPTERS:

Prologue

The Treason of the Innocent

I'm The One On Trial, Sir

No Avengers, No Chaos

This Might Be The Beginning

[delaber]

snow is absolutely the best bucky series i have ever read in my entire life, i’m literally just in awe about how you managed to portray the characters and the story line so perfectly

Mate mate mate mate mate 💞💖💘 wow, you have no idea how absolutely ecstatic this message made me 😭 I loooved writing Snow so much and submerging myself into the scenes and the storyline, so to hear you say this definitely does something to me! Thank you thank you thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ so very happy you came across it, and so very happy you took the time to write me this. Loads of kisses ❤️

[c-writes-sometimes]

New chapter now available!

[writersloungeforall]

Guns With Roses Intro

Info: Every person as soon as they turn 18 gets a tattoo-like mark somewhere on their body that matches another person's mark. Sometimes, being an avenger's soulmate is not all it's cracked up to be.

pairings: y'n/buckybarnes

Warning: none

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

18. The age where you officially become an adult. The age that you can legally vote and move out. The age that makes you feel independent even if technically you are not. It’s also the age when you get your soulmate mark. The mark that only you and one other person share. The one that was on one of the other 7.59 billion people on the planet. It was crazy to think about. I know that everyone in my family has gotten to find their soulmate so I have hope that I will but you have to admit that there is some percentage that you won’t find yours. I hate that little nagging fear. I try to push it from my mind. In three hours, I will have my mark. In three hours, I will officially be someone’s soulmate and someone will be mine.

[jordyn-b-barnes]

Chapter 11 is going up in the next few minutes!!

[endless-summer-soldier]

dr. feelgood - chapter eleven

pairing: Surgeon!Bucky x SurgicalIntern!Reader

summary: Y/N has a one night stand with a handsome stranger the night before starting her new job as a surgical intern. Little does she know, the handsome stranger also happens to be her new boss

warnings: must be 18+, drinking, some surgery descriptions, smut, self-pleasure, praise kink, oral sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, PTSD, choking, angst

word count: 3.9k

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It was the morning from hell. I knew the moment I got in my car that it was not going to be a good day, and that turned out to be the case before I even made it into work. Now I was riding to the hospital in an ambulance, straddling a stranger and performing CPR.

“We’re about a minute out,” the EMT who was driving the vehicle called.

“Page Barnes,” I replied, as I counted out my chest compressions. The EMTs were adamant that they could handle the patient, but I wasn’t leaving his side and I was determined to keep him alive. I heard the doors to the ambulance open and the EMTs carefully unloaded the gurney keeping it as smooth as possible for me to work.

“What the hell…Y/N?” I heard. It was the first time he had spoken to me in weeks.

“Male in his forties, partially deaf. He was walking in a crosswalk and was hit head on by a car. He’s got a broken femur and has been in and out of consciousness with a really weak pulse.”

Bucky turned to the interns and said, “Take over for Y/L/N and get him to CT.” 

One of the interns came over to the patient’s side to take my place and I replied, “I’ve got it.”

“Y/N, you’re bleeding,” Bucky stated firmly.

I turned toward him, “I’m fine,” I argued.

“You need to be examined.”

“Bucky,” I pleaded. He just shook his head and held out his hand. I knew arguing was no use, he could easily pull me down and I didn’t need a reminder of what it felt like to be in his arms. I climbed toward the side and took his hand as I jumped down.

“Go take an empty bed, I’ll send someone in to check on you.”

“I’m fine, I don’t need-”

“Let’s make sure, okay?” His eyes were full of concern, and I didn’t have it in me to argue with him, even if I disagreed. I nodded and he moved with the gurney into the pit.

“Buck?” I called before he could get too far. He stopped and turned back towards me. “Please don’t let him die.”

“He’s not going anywhere. I promise.” Bucky ran to catch up with his team. I thanked the EMTs and then found an empty station in the ER where I waited and hoped for the best..

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since our arrival, but eventually Dr. Wilson came by.

“Hey there, Wonder Woman,” Sam said, approaching the bed I was sitting on.

“Wonder Woman?” I replied.

“Oh that’s what they’re calling you now.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re a hero. And a badass.”

I scoffed, “I was in the right place at the right time.”

“Yet you still managed to get scratched up,” he put on a pair of gloves. “What happened?”

I sighed, “I was driving to work and came to a stop at a redlight. The car next to me was looking to the left to make a right turn and accelerated, not seeing the pedestrian in the crosswalk. Clint, he’s the guy who got hit, he’s partially deaf and didn’t hear the car coming. The guy hit the accelerator pretty hard and didn’t break until he saw Clint hit the windshield.”

“That doesn’t explain how you got glass in your forehead.”

“I pulled over to the right to help out and the guy who started the accident backed up and hit my car.”

“Jesus. Was he drunk?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t really talk to him.”

“So what did you do?”

“I yelled for someone to call 911 and started to examine Clint. At first he was in shock, but he was responsive. So I asked him his name and about his job and his life to calm him down. He probably has a concussion. He kept losing consciousness and his pulse was really weak so they need to look at his heart too.”

“He’s already been taken in for scans.”

“Is he stable?”

“He’s stable.”

I eased at that, feeling better already. 

“Now sit still. I’m going to pull out this glass from your forehead. Then I’ll clean out the lacerations and stitch you up.”

Sam started pulling out small pieces of crushed glass and placed them into a bowl. All the shards were pretty small, but it was still painful. I tried to keep the wincing to a minimum but it wasn’t comfortable. Talking seemed like a good way to keep me distracted from the pain.

“So they sent the head of plastics to come tend to a couple scrapes on my forehead.”

Sam chuckled, “Bucky wanted to do it himself but I wouldn’t let him. You would’ve ended up with two big scars on your pretty little forehead.”

I let out a small smile, “Yeah I don’t think his talents would be best served stitching me up.”

“Stitching? You know that man doesn’t do sutures; you would’ve been glued back together.”

I let out a hearty laugh, knowing Sam was correct.  He added, “He wanted the best for you, which is why I volunteered. Told him I’d give you the VIP treatment.”

I sighed, “Just stitch me up so I can go help.”

“I’m sending you to CT after this.”

“What!?”

“You were in a car accident, Y/N. I’d be a bad doctor if I didn’t order you a head CT.”

“I don’t have any symptoms!”

“You’re also running on adrenaline. Just get the scans done and we’ll figure out next steps from there”

“Fine.” I was getting used to not getting my way today.

“Sit tight for now. We’ll have someone take you to get your scans shortly.”

“Dr. Barnes, Clint’s back from CT. He seems much more stable now. Dr. Rogers is in there examining his femur,” one of the interns provided him an update. He thanked him and headed back to Clint’s room. Sure enough, Steve was in there, examining the break in his leg and studying the chart. Bucky knocked on the open door before walking through to his patient.

“Mind if I interrupt?” he said. 

“Not at all,” Steve said. 

“Hi Clint. I’m Dr. Barnes. I'm head of the trauma team and I’ve been overseeing your care since you got here.”

 “How am I looking, doc?”

“You’re doing really well. Dr. Rogers here is going to take you into surgery to repair your femur. You have a little bit of internal bleeding that we’re gonna fix up while you’re in there. As long as everything goes smoothly, you should be able to live a perfectly normal life.”

He let out a sigh of relief, “Thank God she was there.”

“Dr. Y/L/N?” Steve asked.

“Is that Y/N?” Clint asked. 

“She’s one of our best” Steve confirmed with a nod.

“She was so badass. She came out of nowhere and took complete control of everything. I was freaking out and she just came over, started talking to me and calmed me down. She was yelling out commands to everyone and insisted the ambulance take us here. She stayed with me the whole time. It was amazing.”

“Sounds like Y/N,” Bucky said.

“Is she single? Do you think she’d go out with me? I figure I owe her dinner at the very least.”

Steve eyed Bucky and raised an eyebrow, forcing Bucky to answer that question.

“I…uh…I don’t know. You’d have to ask her.”

“If you see her, would you mind sending her in? So that I can thank her.”

Steve could see Bucky growing jealous and he hoped it might knock some sense into his friend.

“Yeah, I think she’s getting some scans done,” was all Bucky could muster. Steve jumped in to review the plan for surgery and let Clint know they were currently prepping the OR for him. Bucky excused himself and went to check on Y/N before he had to scrub in.

After what seemed like ages, all my scans were done and I sat there half-watching soap operas, waiting for the results. I heard the curtain pull back and figured it was Sam with my results.

“Can I go?” I whined. When I turned toward the visitor, I was surprised to find it wasn’t Sam at all. It was Bucky. “Hi…” I managed.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, looking at my chart. 

“I’m fine. How’s Clint?” 

“He’s good. We’re about to take him down to surgery. Steve is going to fix his femur and he has a little internal bleeding so we’re going to patch that up.”

“So he’ll be okay?”

“He should be fine.”

“Good.”

“He was asking about you.”

“Really?”

“Sounds like you did a great job at the scene.”

I gave him a half smile, “Thanks.”

“I got your scans back and everything looks good. Just take it easy the next few days. Sam will keep an eye on your lacerations and will remove your stitches in five days.”

“So I can go?” I asked.

He nodded, “I’ll sign your discharge papers. But you are going home. You aren’t sticking around here.”

I wanted to protest, but I knew he was probably right. He placed my chart back on the edge of the bed and turned to go.

“That’s it?” 

“What, did you have questions?”

“Bucky, you haven’t even looked at me these past few weeks and now you’re just gonna act like nothing happened?”

He looked up at the ceiling before looking back towards me, “We’re not doing this.”

“Come on, Bucky. Please talk to me.”

He shook his head, and just walked away, leaving me sitting there, feeling hopeless.

After a few days of restless “rest” I returned to the hospital, hoping to get cleared so that I could clock in for my shift. I had all the nurses page Sam as I anxiously sat in the waiting room.

“You’re a day early,” Sam called as he walked toward the row of chairs.

“I’m actually just a spectacular patient who follows all the doctor’s care instructions.”

Sam gave me a look but sat in an open chair and signaled for me to lean in. He gently placed his hands on my face and tilted my head to study the wound.

“It is healing up pretty nicely. We can get those stitches out today.”

“Yessss,” I celebrated. 

“Go pop in one of those empty rooms and I’ll be right in.”

I followed his directions and told the nurses which room I was taking. Sam entered a few moments later with his tools.

He started removing the surgical thread and I couldn’t stand the silence, so I made small talk.

“How is he?” I asked.

“Who Clint? His surgery went well as far as I know. You can probably go see him today.”

“Oh…I, uh, I meant Bucky.”

“Oh,” Sam said, taken by surprise. “He’s uh…he’s Bucky.”

“That’s very helpful,” I said sarcastically.

“Well I don’t know what to say. He’s…he’s not himself.”

“How do I get him to talk to me?” I hated how desperate I sounded, but it reflected how I felt. It was only getting worse for me. 

Sam let out a deep exhale. “If I knew the answer to that, I would’ve told you weeks ago.”

“It’s like he’s his own worst enemy.”

“He’s stubborn. But he’ll come around.”

“You think?”

Sam shrugged, pulling out the last of the sutures. “One way or another.”

His response was vague, but he left before I could question him further.

Once Sam officially cleared me, I changed into my scrubs. Before I officially clocked into my shift, I went to check on Clint. He was recovering for a few days in the hospital before he’d be released. I poked my head in the door and found Steve in the room, doing a quick check up.

“There’s my hero,” Clint said, smiling at me. I blushed and looked down before smiling back. 

“Am I interrupting?” I asked Steve.

“No, you can come in.” 

I stepped into the room and walked over to Clint’s side. 

“How are you feeling?” I asked him.

“Much better now.”

I smiled at him and then turned to Steve, “He’s doing okay?”

Steve nodded, “He’s doing great.”

“I told you I’d get you the best care,” I said to Clint.

“I think you gave me the best care. Without you, I don’t know that I’d be here.”

“Well, I guess we’ll never know,” I smiled. Clint grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Hey, so this situation has obviously had a big impact on me and I can’t thank you enough for everything you did”

“You don’t have to thank me. This is my job,” I replied.

“I know, but you made sure I was in good hands and taken care of. And I know I would regret it if I didn’t do this so I have to ask…would you like to go to dinner with me on Friday?”

I was shocked, not expecting this. Clint was a good looking man, and he would probably make a great boyfriend. But I wasn’t ready to give up on Bucky. 

“Like…on a date?” I asked for clarification.

“Yeah, a date,” he said confidently. I was looking at Clint but I could feel Steve’s eyes on me as I responded.

I placed my other hand on Clint’s, so that his hand was sandwiched between mine, “Clint, I am so flattered, but I’m not really in a place to date at the moment.”

“Is Friday not a good time? Because I’m flexible, we could do Saturday. Or whenever you’re free really.”

I smiled at him, “It’s not the day. I just…” I considered my words carefully, “my heart belongs to someone else.” I kept my focus on Clint, not able to handle Steve’s knowing glance.

“Ah, of course you have a boyfriend. Lucky bastard.”

“But I’ll still swing by and make sure you’re doing okay before you’re discharged.”

Clint gave my hand a sweet kiss and said, “I will always be so grateful for you Y/N. I wish you all the happiness in the world.”

“Same to you Clint. You’ve got a long life ahead of you, don’t waste it.” With that, I released his hand and stepped out of the room.

Once Sam finished removing Y/N’s stitches, he knew he had to find Steve. Sam had a busy morning ahead of him and was grateful when he ran into Steve pouring a cup of coffee in the resident’s lounge on his break.

“We gotta do something,” Sam said.

“About what?” Steve asked, sipping on his java. Sam gave him a look that said it all. “Bucky and Y/N?” Steve added. 

Sam nodded, “He’s miserable and she’s still pining. And I don’t know how much longer I can watch this.”

“I feel the same way. Two idiots in love.”

“So what do we do?”

Steve thought for a moment “We need to get them in the same place at the same time. That’s not the hospital.”

“And has alcohol,” Sam added.

“But not Pym’s. Somewhere more…private.”

“Can we get her to Bucky’s house?” Sam asked. A wide grin spread over Steve’s face.

“No, but I think we can get her to mine…”

I rang the doorbell of the house, feeling slightly nervous. This was my first “work” party and I had no idea what to expect. Honestly. I was surprised that I was even invited. I had been working with Steve on ortho all week and it had been going well. Still, I wasn’t expecting an invitation to his housewarming party. I wasn’t really looking forward to the party, but wanted to make an appearance. At the very least, I thought I might see Bucky in a somewhat normal setting where I could maybe corner him and force a conversation.

What I did not expect was for Bucky to answer the door. I’m sure I looked stunned as I said, “Oh, hi.”

“Hi…” he said, as if seeking an explanation. He was dressed in sweats and a T-shirt, and he was barefoot.

“Am I early?” I asked him.

Now he looked thoroughly confused. “Early for what?”

“The housewarming party…” Bucky was still squinting in confusion, so I added, “Steve told me to bring gin…”

Bucky shook his head, “Um, Steve isn’t here. And he’s lived in this house for three years.”

Now it was my turn to look confused. “...What?”

Bucky sighed, “This is a set up.”

Again, I said, “What?”

“They meddled. They’re forcing us together.”

“So…why are you here then?”

“I’m dog-sitting for Steve.”

“Oh,” I said, finally realizing what had happened. Despite being fooled, I didn’t feel embarrassed. And I didn’t want to go home just yet.

“So….can I come in?” I asked. Bucky looked like he wasn’t sure what to say. “I have gin,” I cheesed, holding up the full bottle of Tanqueray. 

He bit back a smile and opened the door wider, allowing me to come inside. I was immediately met by a smiling golden retriever. I placed the gin on a nearby table and crouched down in order to give some love to the pup.

“This is Liberty,” Bucky introduced.

“Hello Liberty!” I exclaimed, scratching her behind the ears as she happily panted. She quickly laid onto her back and I started scratching her belly, as she rolled around happily.

“She’s so sweet,” I commented.

“Yeah, she is pretty great.” Bucky was a few feet away in the kitchen and asked, ‘Do you want something to drink?” I picked up the Tanqueray and brought it over to him.

“Just a gin and tonic or gin and soda. Whatever Steve has.” I slid the bottle across the counter toward him as he pulled out two glasses.

“So tequila is for celebrating, whiskey is for wallowing…what is gin for?” he asked, as he poured a generous amount of gin into each of the glasses. He topped the drinks off with a little bit of tonic and then sliced up a lime and placed a wedge into each glass.

“Gin is for…heart-to-hearts,” I offered. He eyed me cautiously before handing me one of the glasses. I held it up, waiting for him to meet my glass, and eventually he did. Once we clinked, we both took a sip, and then stood there awkwardly in the kitchen.

“Are you ready to talk to me?” I offered, not wanting to waste any more precious time.

He shook his head, “Not really.” 

I took a seat at the kitchen island and pulled out another stool, signaling for him to sit. He looked at the seat before finally giving in and sitting down next to me.

He turned to look at me and yet again I said, “Hi.” This was turning into my catch phrase around him. But I uttered it now because I wasn’t sure where to start.

Bucky let the slightest bit of a smile show and said, “Hi.” He broke eye contact and stared into his drink, and I realized I might need to nudge him a bit more.

“Look, if you’re not ready to talk about what happened, that’s okay. But I can’t take the silent treatment anymore. I’m going crazy and I don’t know how to help you.”

He let out a deep breath, “I’m not good at opening up...”

 “Then just…tell me about your day.” He peered back up at me, uncertain and I shrugged, “We’ve gotta start somewhere.”

And so he did. He told me about the cases he had and I interjected with a cheeky comment every now and then to try and ease some of the tension, which surprisingly worked. Talking with him was always so easy and I just wanted to remind him of that. As the story of his day winded down, I took the liberty of refilling the now empty glasses with gin. I placed the fresh drink in front of Bucky and pushed, “Tell me about the PTSD.”

He surprised me when he didn’t argue. He mentally prepared by gulping down a third of his fresh drink.

“When I first got back from Afghanistan, it was pretty bad. It mostly manifested when I went to bed, in the form of night terrors. It was really terrible for a while. I would wake up in the morning surrounded by feathers with a knife in my bed, having attacked one of my pillows because I thought it was an enemy. I literally would walk through the house looking for weapons in my sleep. After that, I started locking the door and seeing a therapist who helped me work through a lot of it. And I started to get better. I still had the occasional nightmare, but I was able to manage it. I started to feel like myself again. I could get through most days without a flashback and I wasn’t constantly haunted by memories.”   

I could see him starting to get emotional, so I reached out for his hand.

“Seeing you, with those marks on your neck, was evidence that I’m still broken. We’re lucky that this time it was just my hands and not a knife or a baseball bat. I can’t risk something happening to you.”

“Bucky, you are more than your PTSD. Did you ever consider that maybe we could work through this together?” I offered. He didn’t look at me, focusing all his energy on the drink in front of him. “You just pushed me away without even considering our options.”

“I was trying to protect you.”

“Bull. Shit. Things got tough and you bailed. Did you know I pulled you out of your haze? You had your hands around my neck and I was able to stop you and bring you back. So I believe we can work through this. Maybe it's locking the doors at night. Maybe we don’t have sleepovers for a little while. I don’t know the solution, but I’m willing to figure out something that works.”

“Y/N…” he sighed.

“No, don’t do that. Don’t give up on us.” Now I was starting to get emotional. My voice cracked as I continued. “You know we have something special. Hell, you knew before I did. And I resisted against this the best I could because I didn’t want to get distracted. Which backfired because trying not to think about you was more distracting than just succumbing to your charms. But I figured it out and I opened myself up to something more and just when I finally accept that I’m falling in love, this happens. And the thing that hurts the most is how quickly you decided to throw this away. To throw…me…away,” the last line came out as a whisper. 

Bucky bore his eyes into his drink, unable to watch her tear up and in so much pain, knowing he caused all of this. It felt like a lose-lose situation, either way she ended up hurt. At least if he pushed her away, she still had the chance to live a happy life.

I wiped away a stray tear with the heel of my hand and took a big sip of my drink, trying to distract myself from the feelings creeping up inside me. When I looked over at Bucky, he was frozen but there was no emotion behind his eyes. He was fixated ahead, refusing to look at me. That was the moment I realized this was a lost cause. There was nothing else I could say.

I let out the deep breath I didn’t realize I was holding and placed my near-empty glass on the counter.

“Okay then,” I said, collecting the few things I brought with me. “Goodbye, Bucky.”

[adrinktostopyourthirst]

Bucky Barnes | Series | Loose

Part two of the Rebellion Series

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Plot: You and Bucky have no idea whether you can trust each other. There is an understanding, but you're not sure of what that understanding is and why it seems to run so deep.

Warning: Angst, violence and fluff (?)

Words: 4,1OO

It is hard enough already for Bucky to fall asleep at night. Yes, it has gotten better in recent years, but there will always be that part of him – awake and aware – that registers every sound and movement, even when he should be knocked out. Though he wouldn’t admit it, that part of him sat more alert ever since you had joined the building. Perhaps because Bucky still wasn’t so confident in your allegiance.

He can’t stop overthinking it. He has seen what you’re capable of. Would you be capable of even more if people cornered you? If you felt like you had no other choice but to manipulate and kill your way out? After all, wasn’t it possible that you felt like you had moved from one prison to the next?

You’d been a delight at dinner two nights ago, but Bucky can’t turn off his brain. This is the part that made you win people over. The way you’d gotten along with Natasha like a house on fire, the way you’d shared stories like you and his team had been friends all along… Yet you had no trouble letting a side of yours slip through the cracks that tantalised Bucky beyond belief. The way you had looked at him, teased him–

The faintest rustle has Bucky shooting back to his current place in time. Lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. He holds his breath in an effort to hear better.

Nothing.

However, something doesn’t sit right. Something is off. He’d learned that hypervigilance was a side effect of his trauma, but he had a hard time believing his intuition would betray him like that. Not when he had relied on it so successfully for years.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” he whispers to the dark ceiling.

“Yes, sergeant Barnes?”

“Is everyone in their respectable rooms?” he tries.

“I cannot divulge that information,” the voice sounds and Bucky sighs. He musters up some strength and swings off his duvet before climbing out of bed.

Yeah, he doesn’t trust you for a second.

…

Your heart is pounding in your throat. This isn’t part of your skillset – the escape and combat. Though perhaps if you do the former correctly, you won’t have to resort to the latter. Escaping the compound had been surprisingly easy, which strangely made your chest hurt. It was way too easy to escape. But it made sense. Steve had told you that you weren’t being held captive and you being here was all in good faith.

Faith you just broke by making your escape.

You probably should have been more patient. Winning their trust a bit more and then making an escape, make sure they really don’t see it coming. But the dinner had made you antsy and impatient. You had to get out.

If you’re entirely honest with yourself, you know that getting attached to a new group of people and deciding to escape then – or worse, leading them into their demise later – would be worse than getting away now that no one has attached themselves to you. Or you to them…

Breaching the edge of the surrounding forest, you finally let go of the breath you’ve been holding. You did it. Out of sight, out of mind. You’re free. No more captivity, no more expectations. All you need to do now is leave the country, change your name and possibly dye your hair. Sounds easy enough. A bit dramatic, but not impossible.

That is, until you get dragged backwards by a hand over your mouth and you lose your footing. The hard body behind you is the only thing keeping you from tumbling to the muddy forest grounds. Your breathing is ragged as your hands both fly to grab the forearm attached to the hand covering your yelp.

The metal forearm.

“Rule number one of making your escape: never assume you’re in the clear,” Bucky’s voice rumbles through the night air, his mouth so very close to your ear. “Shouldn’t have dropped your guard when you reached the edge of the forest.”

His gloved hand removes itself from your mouth, but you know better than to make a run for it, or to scream. He twists you by your shoulders and you muster some playful guilt to your face, masking your disappointment. Disappointment… but you feel strangely relieved. Maybe the largeness of finally being free felt somewhat overwhelming. Move to another country and change your name? It’s ridiculous. And that, when the people here have been so patient and kind to you…

You let out a soft laugh, “Worth a shot, no?”

Bucky studies you intently and something in your gut stirs at it. Not even Natasha seems to have as good of a read on you as Bucky does. It makes you feel naked. Makes you feel like all of your carefully crafted plans are flimsy and no good. Makes you feel like you have to stay far, far away from Bucky. Like you need to run. Now.

And how the hell did he manage to figure out you were making your escape?

You wait for him to tell you off, preach against your indolence and call in backup to shove you into something more similar to a prison cell. But Bucky sighs, disappointed and tired.

He seems so, so tired.

“Let’s go back inside,” he says and you furrow your brows at him.

His defeat has your chest clenching tightly. You want him to punish you, scold you. At least show that he cares. Why? You’re not sure. Maybe you need to know that the relief you felt from being caught is somewhat mutual in a sense. That the people here don’t just see you as a weapon, despite the burden, but that you’re someone worth saving. Worth keeping around.

Worth healing.

“That’s it?” you ask. “No scolding or punishment?”

Bucky scoffs humourlessly. “You get a kick out of punishment, darling?”

You roll your eyes. “Seriously.”

“I’m not your fucking baby sitter,” he mutters and starts walking back to the building, rightfully assuming you’ll follow. “If you want, I can ask Steve to tell you off in the morning. He’s better at that sort of thing anyway.”

Some pathetic part of you wants to sulk at his response like an ill-tempered child. “Then why come after me?”

It stays quiet for a second as you cross the field towards the compound. “I couldn’t let a poor escape plan be successful.”

You can’t help but snort at that answer and decide that fine, you’d play along for now. But you wonder if the curious Bucky you’d seen a few days ago had completely vanished since that dinner.

…

The next morning, Bucky gets cornered by you after breakfast. He looks down his nose at your defiant face.

“You didn’t tell anyone about last night?” you ask him and he raises his brows, unimpressed.

It had surprised you that no one at breakfast mentioned anything or gave you even so much as a dirty look. Clearly, none of them are aware that you tried to make your escape last night. And you cannot for the life of you figure out why Bucky is taking it easy on you. Is he smart enough to assume that your own guilt will do more damage than he ever could? Is this part of some bigger scheme of his? Perhaps he is actually as tired and unbothered as he looked when you saw him in those woods.

“What happened last night?” he asks with a telling smirk. The current look on your face is worth the lack of sleep he had tonight. It’s too easy to rattle you. You roll your eyes and Bucky smirks even wider at that. Is he… flirting?

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” you try again.

Bucky remains quiet and fights to keep a straight face. He did expect your question, but why didn’t he tell anyone? Because he thought you and him would get along after those tiny moments during that first dinner. Because the team would have let you walk away. Because Bucky doesn’t want you to go. Because he thinks he can help. Help the world. Help you. He thinks he can help you. And you can help him. And–

“Want me to tell them now?” he says instead.

He barely notices the flash of panic in your eyes before you cover it with an annoyed scoff and turn on your heel to walk away. He watches you. Every step until you are out of sight.

“You said she trusts you,” Steve’s voice sounds from behind him and Bucky schools his face back to bland interest before he turns to Steve. “That doesn’t look like she trusts you.”

“It’s a work in progress.”

Steve frowns pensively. “Well, speed up the process. We have an important mission and we need her for it.”

“What?” Bucky almost loses his restraint, his body flaring in alarm. “Steve, she hasn’t had any training. She was locked up for months. It’s too big of a risk–”

“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate, Buck,” Steve tells him regretfully, but instantly notices that Bucky isn’t buying it. “This is the thing we needed her for.”

“She isn’t some kind of weapon!” Bucky exclaims and he notices Natasha turning away from her conversation in the nearest common room to see what the commotion is about. He gives her a warning look, then lowers his voice. “Steve. This could’ve been me,” Bucky breathes. And there it is. Recognition flickers in Steve’s eyes. “We can’t use her like this. She’s all alone.”

Steve looks past Bucky’s shoulder as if you’re still walking away from him. Angry frown, uptilted chin and swaying hips– Bucky almost looks. Then Steve sighs and looks back at his friend. “Take all the time you need. If she’s ready, I’ll explain the mission to her. I think she might want to help.”

…

Bucky reads over the file until his eyes turn bleary. Steve was right, you will want to help.

He thinks you can handle it, but… what if you encounter a trigger on the way? What if it all becomes too much? Bucky realises he isn’t nearly close enough to care this much, and he doesn’t, but who else but him is going to care whether you live or die? Sometimes Bucky wonders if even you care whether you live or die. What would have happened to Bucky if everyone had given up on him? He knows damn well that he’d be long dead if not so many people found him useful.

But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Bucky never had a choice. So he finds himself knocking at your door at 10pm with the file in hand.

After opening the door, you barely manage to get a word out before Bucky extends the folder towards you. “Steve needs your help on this. It should be fine, but the choice is up to you.”

Quick. Brief. He’s just the messenger and the decision is all yours. Bucky turns and makes to walk away – before you can spot all of the thoughts crossing his mind – but your voice stops him.

“Will you be there?”

The question takes him by surprise. Turning back towards you and slowly walking to the doorframe you’re standing under, he creases his brows together. “You need me to come along?”

You shrug abashedly. “Will you?”

Bucky studies your face intently. “Yes,” he lies. He’ll figure something out with Steve.

“What if I can’t do what you need me to do?” There it is again. He doesn’t get why this vulnerable side of you keeps surprising him so much.

“You’ll be useful,” are his terrible words of comfort. He wants to palm himself in the face.

The suppressed smile you give him heats his face and he’s sure you’ll call him out on his horrible people skills, but you stay quiet. The silence grows and grows and Bucky starts to shift nonchalantly, wondering if he should walk off and let you read the file in private.

“Okay,” you say softly.

“You’re coming?”

“Yes,” you affirm and look up at him, handing the file back. “Do you not want me to go?”

“It’s your choice,” he tells you and gently takes the folder.

“That’s not what I’m asking.”

Some wall snaps up inside of him at that tone – at that hopeful look in your eyes. “You could use the mission to make your escape,” he says with a shrug and makes to turn away from you again. “I won’t stop you this time.”

He walks away, leaving you to gape at his retreating form.

…

The mission was simple enough.

Sam, Natasha, Bucky and you would be attending a gala. Supposedly, there is a certain divide between the guests in attendance. Your job is mainly to feel out just who will be willing to join your cause. What goes unsaid is that you’re also required to butter them up to spring into action when your team would deem it necessary.

The party is in full swing and everyone is finally losing their mask of formality and enjoying their evening. You just hit the sweet spot of their susceptibility and you sweep into casual conversation about politics. Seeing who keeps quiet, who isn’t scared to speak up, whose faces harden at the prospect of change, etcetera. All of your antennas are on and when you know people have stopped paying attention to you, that’s when you dare a glance across the room where you know Bucky is standing.

All dapper and handsome, wearing a very expensive suit.

All of you have taken thorough action to look exceptional and to blend in perfectly with the high class crowd. Being charming is easy enough, looking it was a necessity – yet, all of it does still feel very far removed from yourself. Like a betrayal to the woman who was locked up mere weeks ago. However, being a true professional, you don’t allow your thoughts to linger too much and channel back to the matter at hand.

Then you feel it.

The searing heat that starts at your legs and spreads all the way up to your chest and cheeks. Like a virus burning over your skin. And you know what it is – know who it is. So you look back in the direction of Bucky, if only to catch him in the act.

But he’s unbothered. Brooding and observing from the bar in the shadow of the room, somehow alone and undiscovered by most of the crowd (a skill you assume he has acquired over the years). And his eyes are still on you. They glide down and back up for even more emphasis and you swallow away the dryness in your throat.

Gliding a sensual hand over the arm of the man next to you, you excuse yourself with a warm smile and slowly stride over to the culprit. Bucky waits patiently, and you swear you see a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as you walk over. He hands you a spare glass of champagne and turns his back to the room when you’re close enough to hear him.

“It’s working,” he says and you swear he sounds slightly impressed.

“Did you assume I’d fuck up?” you taunt and lean over the bar, sipping at the glass flute between your fingers. Bucky turns to you and his eyes sweep over the curve of your partly exposed back, the hollow of your spine and the curve of your ass. Then he holds his breath for a moment.

“Wouldn’t be mad if you did,” he tells you and his tone sounds gentle. You know that’s why he’s here, even though neither of you said it out loud, you know he’s here to stick up for you if you can’t get it done yet. If you’re not ready to be that person again.

Just like he probably knows that you’re here because the guilt of trying to escape from your saviours was eating you alive. And you didn’t want to prove Bucky right by escaping. You had glanced at the exits a few times and debated it, yes, but then looked at your team and thought against it. Looked at Bucky and–

“We’ll leave in five minutes,” Bucky murmurs as he finishes his glass. “I noted down all the people you signed as potential allies and who definitely isn’t.”

“There’s a few we can convince to help,” you cut in.

“What? The woman who runs that capitalist shitshow?” Bucky frowns. “Nah, she’s only motivated by money.”

You smile at him knowingly. “Money is a great motivator and our movement could benefit her greatly, so you just have to nudge her in the right direction.”

Bucky studies your face then and you might have found it less penetrating when he looked at your body with that stare. That intrigue. “And you already have a plan to tip her over to our side,” he concludes.

“You chose me for this for a reason, did you not?” you ask.

His eyes drop to your mouth. “I like a woman who takes her job seriously.”

You have no idea where that came from, but decide to go along with it anyway. You smirk and empty your flute, gently setting it down on the bar after. “Here I was, thinking you didn’t like anyone,” you purr and saunter off to find your other teammates and round up today’s mission.

You turn around when you hear Bucky yelling out your name, but then the room spins and debris flies everywhere. You’d cry out if the wind didn’t whoosh from your body and your ears don’t hollow out. You want to voice your discovery, as futile as it is, but the scream dies in your throat.

Someone just blew up the building.

…

It feels like there’s ash in your mouth. And throat. Your body bleats in pain, but nothing too severely. Maybe you’re in shock. Maybe you can’t feel a limb that’s no longer there. Maybe–

The room is dark except for an orange hue that travels over the ceiling and walls every few seconds. You’re slumped in a velvet chair and your fingers pluck softly at the fabric. One by one, your senses weave together and you hear the soft sounds of someone working on something. Paper ruffling, some gentle work, someone who’s trying to be quiet. You rasp in a raw breath and see a shadow at the bottom of your vision. But your body is relaxed. Or… Well, as relaxed as it can be.

There was an explosion.

“Have some water,” Bucky offers from his kneeling position between your legs and nudges his chin to the glass at the small table next to your chair. His voice is soft, raw. And when you squint at him while you blindly reach for the glass, you see soot on his face, dust on his suit.

“Are you alright?” you ask and your voice reminds you to take the drink. The water feels like heaven in your throat and you nearly gulp down the whole glass.

Bucky pauses at your question and surely he didn’t expect that to be your first question. “I’m fine,” he grumbles and focuses on the task at hand. Which, you quickly realise, is cleaning up the wound on your thigh.

Next to him, there’s a small container with small shards of glass in there and a used pair of tweezers. You feel the prickle of the wound at your thigh and observe closely as he presses some gauze to the puncture wounds. His hands are firm and steady as he wraps a bandage around your thigh to secure the gauze. His calluses scrape against your soft skin and you almost swear he takes more time than he should securing the bandage.

You heave a deep sigh and straighten up in the chair. “Natasha and Sam?”

“Natasha was sent to hunt down the ones responsible and needed an aerial patrol, so she took Sam.” Bucky clenches his jaw and you have a feeling it took some convincing to get Bucky to not go after the bastards himself, to let Natasha handle it instead. “There were deaths, lots of wounded.”

You flinch at that.

Bucky notices it. The glaze over your eyes and the tightening of your fingers into the soft fabric of the chair. He barely allows himself to hesitate and he cover your left hand with his right one, taking your fingers and stroking his thumb over your knuckles. “We got out as many as we could, no one saw the explosion coming,” he explains and hopes the information brings you some peace. He’s desperate to take that haunted look off your face, but doesn’t know how.

He gives you time then. Allows you to sort through your memories and shush them. He strokes his thumb gently and squeezes your fingers every once in a while to anchor you to here, to being safe. Your breaths go from shallow to deep as they slow. He hears your heartbeat steady and watches clarity fill your eyes again.

Fuck him. Those eyes.

“Tomorrow, we go over your list and see what we can do. Let’s get some rest for now.” He pushes to a stand and moves to remove his hand from yours, but you hold onto him.

“I’m sorry for trying to escape,” you rasp and Bucky tenses at that. He did not expect that confession. Didn’t expect an apology either – he didn’t think one was warranted.

You slowly push to a stand and Bucky’s heartbeat spikes as you wobble on your legs before you steady yourself. His eyes search your face frantically and he tries not to linger at your lips for too long. You gently stroke a hand down his arm before brushing past him in thanks, and Bucky has to take a deep breath. A flash of you doing the same thing to one of tonight’s guests comes to him and jealousy hits him, a little too viciously. Just like it did when he saw it earlier tonight.

He turns around and watches as you walk up the small bag he packed for an instance like this. You pull out some clothes and Bucky shamelessly stares while you do it. He almost sighs as the sight of that orange hue travelling over your form, most of the sleek dress still intact and definitely still doing its job of making you look good enough to eat.

“I’m glad you’re alright,” he blurts. But he stands still as he watches you freeze. You slowly turn to him and tilt your head at him curiously.

Then, a slow smirk spreads over your face and your brows raise playfully. Bucky frowns as he tries to read the expression on your face, even if the lightness of it makes him want to drop to his knees in relief. This is much, much better than that haunted look that was there mere minutes ago.

Until one of your hands lifts from the bag, a small scrap of lace dangling from your fingers. “I am never letting you pack our getaway bag again.”

Bucky matches your smirk and strides over to you, close enough that you have to tip your chin up to remain eye contact. “You can choose not to wear it,” he shrugs and the nonchalant gesture makes your legs weak. Slowly, he starts unbuttoning his own pants and shirt, stripping himself of his clothes and tempting you to break that eye contact. “But we’re sharing a bed, so you decide what is less tempting for me to look at.”

It takes everything inside of you not to balk at this… flirtation. But it’s nice – so fucking nice to deflate that balloon of tension after a mission like the one you had tonight. To have banter and humour and perhaps a little friendship.

“I better not catch you looking at all,” you snipe, but have a hard time keeping the smile off your face.

Bucky smiles too then and gives you a wink powerful enough to set your clothes aflame. “Too bad. You can’t ask that of me and look like that.”

That does render you a bit speechless and Bucky takes his win as he strips himself to his boxers. Climbing under the sheets, Bucky’s powerful body shifts and ripples with movement.

This is going to be a long night.

[captnvbarnes]

➼ 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑹’𝑺 𝑩𝑰𝑵𝑫 (17+) 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒆

theme — a marvel zombie au!

pairings — bucky barnes x fem!reader, steve rogers x fem!reader

warnings — marriage troubles, slight fluff, training, slight angst

summary — the outbreak had happened as quick as the first bite. one, then two, then 1/3 of the population became 2/3’s. before any of the avengers could comprehend this threat, it overcame them with new york’s rising population becoming undead. bucky is your protector, not by choice but by chance he was there just in time to save you. you two flew the compound, leaving the life you knew. leaving your husband to rot. as you two grapple what this new world has become, everything became too much. the world depended on you guys to save them, but how could you save anyone now? and when the blood runs and the nights become colder, who will save you?

➽────────────────────❥

Unbeknownst to the entire compound, the United States Eastern coast has became initially exposed to its impending demise.

The spread began in the north of Maine,  at 2:13 am, September 27th.

—

Sun dripped into your windows as the birds chirped and sang their songs. You could feel the rising warmth kiss your skin, your eyes crinkle before widening at the blaring noise of your alarm.

6 am.

"Steeeeve..." You grumble out, tossing your covers over your eyes and tossing the other way.

The alarm's blaring noise answered you instead.

"STEEEEVE!" You yell out again, wavering your hand blindly to swat at the annoying piece of scrap on your bedside table.

The alarm's annoyance continued.

"Ugh.." You submit, tossing your cover over and cutting the box's voice short before it could continue its belligerence.

You sit up, yawning and stretching your arms outward. You blink and let your eyes adjust to the sun's colors, greeting you unwarranted.

You turn and find your husband's spot... empty. It's neatly folded as-well. You scan the room, looking for a trace to as where any sign of Steve could've placed. Nothing in sight.

You get up, tidying your bed to twin with Steve's side. You slide into your slippers and grab your morning robe that hanged on a door rack of your closest which you draggingly coated yourself into. You noticed Steve's was still there. You round the bed, noting Steve's slippers were placed beside a wall, not in front of the bed as he set them before he slept.

He must've started the day without you already.

You roll your eyes. You get he likes a fresh start to the day, but you love the mornings you awake with him together especially.

Figuring the previous, you grab your clothes for the day and bathing supplies. Can't trust leaving your soaps in the community showers after Captain Marvel took a visit and was curious to what each Earth product was the best for her hair. Although she is currently off planet, it became a better idea to keep things in each other's room after using.

You walk down the halls, yawning and stretching. You pass Wanda just before she re-enters her room, already completed with her shower. "Morning Y/N!" you hear her greet, and you say the same to her in kind, a little more tired, before following with another yawn. "Morning Wanda."

You soon enter the community showers, the woman's and men divided but placed across each other. You hear some men inside, and know everyone is now starting their day if they haven't already.

"Morning sunshine." You look and see Natasha, wearing her morning robe and dampening her hair with a towel before wrapping it on her head. "Morning Natty" you say, giving her a half ass smile. "What time did you go to bed?" She chuckles. "Late. Maybe around 2?" You reply, approaching one of the covered showers and turning the nozzle to warm it up.

You hear Nat playfully pout. "Why so late babe?" You feel for the water, checking its temp. "Steve kept tossing and turning." You say.

Causality of being married to a former man in the army. No biggie, you're used to it and it's not the worst thing in the world.

"Ah, yeah that happens. Barnes did it a lot when we were together for a bit. But then again so did I some nights.." She trails off. Her and Barnes had dated a few years ago, but parted for differences and that they were better as friends. No hard feelings. Nat then met Bruce and since then they've been stable for about 3 years.

You felt the water become the right temp, nodding to Nat's words but signaling her that you needed to waken the fuck up and let the water rush over you. You entered the shower, closing the curtain and began undressing leaving everything on a bench inside the area. Stark made sure to have it be spacious and with storage. Though you're convinced it was Pepper's touch.

"Have you seen Steve? He wasn't with me when I awoke." You asked, setting your ring alongside your clothes, looking at it for a brief second as it sat. "Yeah, he went on a run with Wilson earlier, like... an hour ago?" She estimated, slightly muffled sounding as she began brushing her teeth.

You nodded, beginning your routine and lathering yourself in this new body wash that Stark sponsored and they wouldn't stop sending him merchandise. At least it smelled nice and lathered all bubbly.

You heard from the outside of your shower the sink run, clothes rustle, a zip of jeans and soon blow drying.

You thought on how Steve, as of late, would begin his mornings without you. Actually... for the past few months. It felt special when you guys woke up together, greeting each other with morning kisses and snuggling for a little bit too long before risking being late on morning training and breakfast. Not to mention, you two have been going on separate missions as well. There's been a slowly increasing distance, but nothing you would dare be vocal on as you diminished it to 'just nothing too serious to worry on'.

"Hey babe, I'm done with myself. I'll be in the kitchen with the others, Steve and Sam should be back from their run soon." You hear Nat yell. "Thanks Nat, will do!" You respond, snapping out of your thoughts and slowly beginning to wrap up.

You turned the nozzle, grabbing your towel and drying yourself. There was a light layer of steam, the sun brightening the rooms more now.

You dressed yourself in your casual attire, adorning your ring last. You fiddled with it, twisting it with your right index and thumb.

Surely, Steve wasn't slipping from you, right?

Or... you weren't from him?

No, you wouldn't. You love Steve. He's your husband. Till death do you part.

You brushed your teeth and washed your face, cleansing it and patting it dry with your hand towel. You did your makeup after, then finally brushing out your hair before pulling it back, leaving some strands to frame your face.

You grab the remainder of your belongings and open the to door leave. As you do so, you hear the men's bathroom door open opposite of you.

It's Buck. His hair is damp and some parts wet. He wears a Henley that's clings onto his body a bit too well. You try to not take note of how well it highlights his muscles throughly.

"Oh, hey Y/N, morning." He greets, monotonously but still positive somewhat. "Morning Buck" You say, looking over his face. He recently shaved so he looks more cleaned up.

You two walk out of the bathroom area together towards the bedding suites. "You didn't join Steve for his run today?" You ask. Usually Steve and Buck do everything together. "Nah, just didn't.. feel up to it. Plus I had a mess to clean up." He says, gesturing to his jaw. You chuckle slightly to it, it was kinda getting out of control. "It looked somewhat fine before, but I get it." You say. He notices you trail off, looking more ahead downward. "You ok?" He asks, stopping to a halt and facing you. "Yeah, I'm good Buck. Just.." you trail off.

You stop and think to yourself. You don't want to bother your husband's best friend with marriage issues. Doesn't feel the most appropriate. Plus, you never like to talk down about Steve or any sort of negative way, especially when it could just be nothing.

"Just kind of hungry. I went to bed late too so I'm extra tired." You salvage, giving him a reassuring smile which he copies. You two continue your walk. "Well we got raiding drills later, so better be on your a-game for that soldier." He chuckles, before nodding towards his door which you two came upon. It’s the door next to you and Steve's room. Of course they were paired to be set up right next to each other's quarters. "Ha, so totally looking forward to that." You sarcastically say, him slightly chuckling before you two both enter your respected rooms.

You drop off your dirty clothes into the laundry shoot, setting down your bathing supplies and unplugging your phone from your charger.

1 message from 'Hubby', 5:45 am.

[Hey, out on a run with Sam. Be back around 7.]

You clear the notification off your screen and check the time. 6:53 am. He should be back soon.

You put your phone into your pocket, heading towards the door before closing it shut and heading towards the kitchen.

You hear the commotion before you see it, heading down the stairs and the smell of bacon instantly hitting you. Yum.

"So he said, 'you fucker!'" you hear Clint say, mimicking a foreign accent. "And I said, 'but I barely know her!'" he laughs at his own dad joke, you not initially hearing the first part of the joke but you know it was corny as any of his other jokes. And so does everyone, as you hear some disappointed groans follow from it. 

You see Bruce frying eggs and bacon, Nat preparing toast and jam for herself, Tony nursing a cup of coffee lowly talking to Bruce beside him, Clint rambling about his jokes sitting at the head of the table, and Wanda delved into her Sokovian poetry book on the couch. 

Tony's the first to notice you. "Hey sleeping beauty, thanks for joining us for comedy hour, don't expect much though, it's a bit outdated." He whips, Clint sending him an offended shocked look. "Hey my jokes are funny!" He retorts. "Sure pal, and I'm a blessed virgin nun." Tony quips back, some low laughter from the other teammates following. Everyone greets you with a morning as well as you make yourself more settled into the room.

You fix yourself your favorite mug, nudging Tony to the side with a small hip bump and grabbing the coffee pot nearby. He scoffs jokingly and makes his way towards a head chair at the opposite end of Clint.

"Morning Y/N, how do you like your eggs?" You hear Bruce warmly ask. He's always so sweet. He took up cooking, and it's calmed him a lot. "Scrambled today, and some bacon if you don't mind." You smile at him, he smiles back and nods his head. You stir your cream and sugar together.

As you clink the spoon on your mug, you hear the compound doors open followed by rumbling laughter. Steve and Sam are back from their run.

You feel as though you're supposed to be more warmly about your husband returning, but find yourself being only pleasantly happy. Why weren't you as ecstatic like before? Is it because you realized the distance?

"Hey guys, welcome back, how was the 10k mile run?" Tony jokes, Steve rolls his eyes but chuckles. He wipes his forehead. He doesn't look to you yet.

Why didn't he look at you first?

"Was quite the warm up, Sam barely caught up with me." Steve said, gesturing to Sam who was clearly delighted to be back from the morning cardio. He had a sheen of sweat over his face. "You cheated you old man.." he heaved, hands on both his knees to stabilize his breathing.

At the same time, Bucky made his way down the steps. You looked and caught his eye first. He smiled at you, and you returned the gesture and hoisted up your cup as an hello.

Steve finally took notice of you and smiled. "Hey honey, morning." He greeted, making his way to you before kissing you quickly. Luckily with his super soldier capabilities, he doesn't sweat. At least not after a run he'd consider easy work. You smiled into the kiss, lightly ghosting your fingers over his jaw. "Morning handsome."

Bucky watches the display of affection. It's cute. He's happy for his best friend. He found himself a very good beautiful woman. Steve's deserved this life, especially after everything. You're Steve's girl, and Bucky will always protect you on the field as a courtesy to his best friend.

"Eggs are done!" Bruce calls. "I get first dibs, mine!" Tony says, pushing past everyone to secure his plate first.

—

11:43 am.

Morning training is a brutal start of the day. It goes over swiftly, standard drills and procedures. Tony made a holographic simulation, that way it's easier to track each member's stats and determine their strong and weak points as well as pushing past the boundaries of what is physically possible. Which is somewhat good, because technically none of you guys should be possible, yet here you are. It prepares all of you guys for how to handle future opponents you've yet to encounter. For the chance of impossibility..

You sparred with Steve only a handful of times, but often spar against other people to not let the marriage influence any pulled punches. Today, your sparring partners were Clint and Bucky.

Clint was defense based. He had trained with S.H.I.E.L.D longer than you did when it was still active. He knocks you down only a few times, but more so you over come him. He's proud of you regardless, as he was one of the people who recommended you for the spot on the team. He wasn't that much older than you, but you remember him from the academy days when he was a fresh graduate and you were a shining young prodigy.

Bucky was offense based. You were vigilante with your defense, coming in strong with offense, but Bucky always had the upper hand due to longer experience than most people in the room.

"You need to aim high but strike low. Throw them off, take them by surprise. Always use the element of surprise to your advantage." He advised, you two in a walking rotating circle. You went for a fake out punch with your right hand, him raising his hands instantly before you swipe your left foot under him and watch him fall. "Like that? Feels like a cheap shot." You retort, you both chuckle but you help him up. "Cheap, but works at times. I let you do that by the way. Be more aggressive this time." He chuckles, and you two continue the routine.

Steve watches as you train with his best friend. He watches your every move. When the others don't train you, Steve tries to personally train you himself on what he knows. But different builds require different tactics. He hasn't trained you in a while, he realizes.

He then takes note. He hasn't really set aside a whole lot of time with you. He feels a slight disconnect, but he blames it for his soldier core. And he's sure you understand, right?

"Capper, you gonna stop drooling over your lady or focus back?" Nat quips. Steve shyly smiles. "Can't resist looking at her." He plays off his thoughts, and continues his training with Nat.

—

1:12 pm.

Lunch gets delayed till then, mostly everyone having cut training quits before then to eat while you focused more and trained a bit longer. Your thoughts run back to you and Steve as you attack a punching bag. You recall endless mornings waking up alone, how your soothing doesn't help him slept as well as it did, how he no longer looked for you first any time he entered a room. How he—

"Doll, we don't need Stark asking both of us for a new punching bag out of our paychecks." Steve's voice breaks your focus and you stop. You hold the bag to a halt and wipe the sweat off your forehead with your boxing glove. You turn and see Steve, hands on hips and a smug smirk plastered on his handsome face. The face that once upon a time charmed America and your heart.

You sigh, giving your best smile to him. Maybe you are just overthinking everything. You guys are Avengers, of course you guys can be caught up in this kind of line of work.

"I'm sure he wouldn't notice the dent in his wallet." You say, taking off your gloves as Steve approaches you. He kisses you lightly again, quick and brisk. You became accustomed to the chaste kisses. Though you missed the ones filled with passion and ones that felt like he was kissing you for air. "No, he definitely wouldn't but he'd notice out of spite for us." He retorts, rising a small chuckle from you.

He holds your frame and you place your now bare hands onto his broad chest. You take notice he's in his uniform. You weren't notified there was a mission today? Usually Steve lets you know weeks in advance.

"Why are you in uniform?" You question him, giving him a puzzled tense look. He reads your expression and drops his shoulders. "Emergency mission. Fury informed us that there has been this kind of outbreak in Central America. It's taken over governments in a day." He explains. You become more confused. "Why weren't we aware of this? Governments, like plural?" You ask, kinda huffing but surprised by the lack of knowledge of this. "Because hun.." a look of worry paints his face. Rarely he's this concerned over a mission. "It happened just two days ago. In just a couple days, multiple countries fell." He explains, and the worry on his face then dresses your own. "But-" "With the Sokovia Accords, international issues have been restricted. Until now. But they're being limited with it as an ultimatum." He reads your mind and answers the question you were about to ask. It explains a bit, yet nothing at all. Sure you heard some minor things on international plagues, but there has been so many new diseases in the last decade that you didn't think much of this one.

"Wait... what do you mean by limited?" You ask, and as if on cue, Nat, Wanda, and Tony stand themselves at the entrance of the training room.

The gears slowly start to form in your head. "They only want a few of us to go check it out. Fury was told that only me, The Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, and Ironman were requested by the UN." Steve says, and you feel your heart sink.

"No no Steve, I'm coming with you-" "Darling you can't.." Steve's heart breaks hearing your plea. "Steve no!" You scream at him, holding onto his uniform before he grapples his hold on you a bit tighter to shake you out of it. "Y/N!" You feel teary eyed. You felt wrong to have doubt his love and question the distance between you two. Although it was warranted and fair, it seemed so little now.

Something like this sounds dangerous. And you wouldn't be there to have his back?

"Please look... it'll only be a few days mission, a week tops. The UN don't want us there, so I'm sure they're gonna want us back as soon as possible." He reassured, though it did little to calm you. "I'm sure this is just an inside terrorist organization. They probably orchestrated this to all happen at once." He continues. You blink back your tears, trying to hear him out and make reason of it all.

Bucky, who was a few rooms down, had heard the commotion and came forward to it. He saw his fellow team members at the door, heading towards Nat for an explanation which she shortly gave to him. After, he looked to you and Steve, watching the scene unfold with everyone else.

"I'll be back soon doll. That's a promise." Steve says with a smile and caresses your cheek softly. You try to melt into his touch, but there's a million things going on in your head at the moment. You can't find comfort, there isn't enough comfort for what you're trying to process. But maybe he is right. Maybe it is just a situation where it's another power hungry turf war, and maybe you were just overthinking everything from earlier. All these maybes.

He lifts your chin with his fingers, looking for a knowing comfort in your eyes. That look where you know and believe in him. Your eyes dart before meeting his. He sees uncertainty. He doesn't know what to think of it, and just tries to reason to himself that you're worried for him as a wife and concerned.

You numbly nod, a soft "Okay" leaving your lips.

"Hate to break up this lover's bid farewell moment, but Cap were on a time schedule." Tony chirps, Nat instantly jabbing him in his stomach for his nonchalance. "Ow Nat." "Read. The. Room." she grits through her teeth, as Tony soothes his stomach slightly.

You two look to the group at the entrance, nodding before turning to each other again. "I love you Y/N. I'll be back. Promise." Steve says, holding up your hand and kissing it. You feel the heaviness in your heart and in your words, unsure and unaware for what will follow after this. "I love you too Steve." You return, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him. He hugs you tight and returns the kiss, savoring it and giving more passion into it than he has of late. He's certain it wouldn't be his last, as surely, he'd return in a few days.

He parts from the kiss first, caressing your cheek again with his hand and kissing your forehead before leaving and heading towards the entrance with everyone else.

He approaches Bucky, who with the newfound information, understands his need to go but still is worried for his best friend. "If anything happens here Buck..." Steve starts off, placing one hand on Bucky's shoulder. "Protect her, no matter the cost. No matter what you do, look after her." He says, entrusting Bucky to look after you. Bucky looks at you, who has Nat now comforting you. Bucky looks back at Steve, nodding his head. "I'll protect her. No matter what." Bucky promised. Steve believes it, if not, knows it. He thinks it won't come to that, but as a safety measure, he has to know you're taken care of. You are the most precious thing in the world to him. Whatever it means that you're safe and good, that's what matters to him. He knows you'll be good in Bucky's care.

The two best friends hug, and Nat rejoins the group and they begin their trek towards their locker rooms to prepare.

They leave in the Quinjet at 2:25 pm.

—

9:38pm.

It had been a couple hours since Steve had left. Communication had cut off about an hour into their departure, the signal not reaching far enough. If needed, you could contact him through the emergency line, but there was no reason to extort through those extremes.

You resorted yourself to you and Steve's bedroom, looking through old pictures of you two and little keepsakes you guys kept for years, nursing a glass of wine; this being your 4th full glass. There was a heavy pang in your chest for how you felt earlier. And as unjustified you felt for having felt that, you couldn't shake it off. You look at the pictures of your wedding day and the reception. His smile is so wide and bright, his eyes so filled with adoration. You wonder when was the last time he full on genuinely did that with 100% of him.

Placing your wine on your bedside table, you wrap up this box and begin to place it back on the top of your closet shelf where it was, when then, you notice something you never saw before. There's a metal glint in the far back of it. You saw it for a brief second, but knew it was there. You're tipsy, maybe a little bit more than you want to admit, but certainly not that drunk yet.

On slightly wavering feet, you grab a stool from your vanity. You place it in front of the closet, standing in it and nearly falling before stabilizing yourself. You're eye to eye with the top shelf, and realize you never actually saw what it looked like up here, only Steve did. And there was never a need to, it was for old memories and scrapbooks, but you two haven't looked at those in ages.

You extend your hand, wobbling slightly but still finding an unsure balance. You grab what you were looking for, and take it out.

Your heart sinks to your chest as you recognize what it was.

A compass.

You don't need to open it to know who was in it. A rush of emotions overcome you.

He had told he threw it out the first week you guys began your relationship, which was over 4 years ago now. And to make matters worse..

There wasn't a spec of dust on it compared to everything else up there.

*Knock. Knock.*

The sudden noise throws you off and you lose balance and fall off the stool, a big thud ringing through the room. "Y/N?! You ok??" You hear Bucky call out from behind the door, but it's ignored as you groan from the pain of the harsh landing.

"I'm coming in." You hear Buck say. You tried to protest, not wanting him to see you in this state, but the door begins to open already. Dammit, you forgot to unlock it when you entered; probably too overwhelmed with everything to notice.

Bucky enters and notices you on the floor and instantly rushes to you, noticing the stool, open closet, and nearby wine and puts it together in his head. "Doll what are you doing to yourself?" he asks softly, hoisting you up and sitting you down.  You try to fight it though, but the moment you stand back up the sharp pain in your back shoots through you. You collapse again, this time accidentally knocking over the wine causing it to land on your sheets and onto the floor. "Hey hey! Take it easy, you probably landed on that stool when you fell." Bucky says, sitting you back down, this time you relent. "Now, tell me what happened?" He asks more soothingly, holding onto your back and hand. You hiccup, and sniff. "I wass looking through our photos and was sad..." you jumble together. "He looked sooo happy here James." You say. Bucky is slightly taken back by the use of his first name, but he doesn't express it. You never call him James.

You smiled at the picture but frowned after. "Buuut he don't seem that happy anymore with mee.." you mutter, starting to get weepy eyed. Bucky frowns, it aches him to see you sad. "Well I'm sure he does Y/N, it's just been a stressful time." Bucky suggests, but genuinely, he has no clue why Steve has been distant. He noticed it slightly, but didn't bother to much to look into it as it wasn't his business to get into. "Oh yeah...?" You trail off, blindly looking with one hand for what you dropped. "Then whasss thiss?" You say, holding up the compass to Buck.

Bucky instantly is taken back. He frowns immediately at the sight. He knows that compass, hell anyone in America knows that compass. It's Peggy's compass.

He thought Steve had gotten rid of that long ago.

"When I found it, no dust. Not a spec! Poof, nothing, nada" you ramble, dropping the compass in his hand and feeling the alcohol warm your cheeks.

Bucky, still in shock, feels a big disappointment in his best friend. He shouldn't still have this. He's upset at Steve, not more so of personal, but he's upset for you. Steve should've gotten rid of that a long time ago, and if what you say is true, why doesn't it have any dust on it whatsoever?

Bucky, getting out of his own head, looks over to you who has your knees tucked and your arms holding them close to your chest. His heart melts, and he's hurt by it. Anyone but you should be this sad.

"Doll, look I can't tell you why he has it still. I thought he didn't have it either. But..." Bucky contemplated his next words. Steve is his best friend, and although Steve is wrong for this and Bucky will bring this up next time he saw him, you're still Steve's wife. And Bucky would never want to bad mouth Steve to his wife.

"...but, I know he does love you." Bucky reassured. You didn't lift your head up, and Bucky wanted you to know what he said was true. He lifted your head with his metal hand, cupping your cheek softly to meet his gaze. Meeting your teary eyes, he felt a pang in his heart. A feeling he couldn't describe, but as quick as it came, as quick as it was gone.

"He loves you Y/N. And he wouldn't trade you for the world." He said, and though he tried his most genuine and sincerest, it didn't seem to ease you completely. He sighed, giving you an unsure look before glancing around the place. Your bed was soaked with wine, and the glass that had fallen off and broke on the floor, luckily not near both of you.

You definitely can't stay here in your drunken state.

Usually he'd call in Natasha for this kind of help, but she was out and as well as the next best option, Wanda.

"Buckkk..." He glanced back down at you and kneeled down. "Yes doll?" He answered, watching you grovel and lean into him. It took him off guard, but he didn't want to push you off. "I'm tired. I don't want to be awakey right now. I juss don't wanna think bout this" you slurred. He nodded his head. Thinking of what he could do, but remembering that Steve told him to make sure you're protected.

He thought of an idea, and thought it would work, at least for right now.

"Hey doll, would you be ok sleeping in my room for tonight?" He asked carefully. It was better than the couch downstairs. There was no guest rooms at the compound up for availability, and Wanda's and Nat's room were left locked after their departure. He figured he could sleep on the floor like how he used to. That way he's there keeping an eye on you.

You numbly nod, and try to stand but still on wobbly knees. Bucky catches you, and wraps one of your hands around his shoulder and tucks his hand around your back. He helps carry you to his room which is luckily right next door. He holds the door open for both of you, turning on the light and closing the door after. He picks you up fully, you hiccuping but slowly letting the fatigue subdue you. He lists his covers and places you on the center of the mattress, taking off your shoes carefully and setting them against the bed.  He places the sheet over you, and you snuggle yourself in.

He sighs as he worries for you. He never saw you like this before. But he's content he's keeping his promise to Steve, who he is still upset for about the compass. Steve had lied to everyone about it. And Bucky always treated Steve with honesty.

Bucky quietly grabbed his clothes from his drawer for his nightly shower. As he opened the door, he heard you softly call out. "Thanksss Buckk." He gave a small smile and turned to you. Your eyes were closed and you were half turned away from him. "Of course doll. Sleep well, I'll be back soon." He said, you humming softly as a response before snuggling yourself more into the bed.

It smelled like wood musk and eucalyptus. A very strong masculine smell. But it was warm, and may it be you being drunk, it felt like the softest mattress in the world.

Bucky closed the door and made his way to the showers. He was alone in the big room, undressing himself inside one of the showers, taking everything off but his dog tags and folding everything neatly. He turned on the shower, letting the cold water wash over him. He felt worried for you, and already worried for Steve despite the small aggression lingering.

Bucky never heard of no terrorist group that could take over entire governments in a singular day. It just... wasn't possible. He would've known about it. It struck him as wrong... but it was late and he didn't want to think on it longer than needed, wanting to get back to you and make sure you were ok.

He wraps up and dries himself, eventually dressing in grey sweats and a black beater.

He comes back to his room and settles himself down on the floor with a spare blanket and pillow. 

He eventually falls asleep around 11:17 pm.

—

New York's first contact happens at 3:36 am, September 28th.

END OF CHAPTER.

➽────────────────────❥

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[dysfunctionalmaki]

Say My Name

Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Chapter 03/?

Summary: You work all around at the local country club, to your advantage you flirted and used your beauty to get what you want, though with this certain woman your own way can't seem to work.

Warning: This work contains smut and foul language, minors DNI!!

A/N: This update came too long but with the holidays going on, I was occupied but I assure this work could be smooth sailing from now on.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

You were nervous, that's the simplest way you can describe what you're feeling, the table by the window was occupied by Wanda who was having her lunch alone, you were too sure that your eyes would always meet with hers whenever you'd look her way. Yelena even noticed the way you're fiddling with the pen you're holding, Bucky had to steal it away from you since he can't stand the constant clicking sound that came from the object. “Well, what the hell are you doing here? Go do your pretty girl things that you always do, Y/N.” Barnes teased and you can't help but roll your eyes.

“What? No! Y/N, you're not pulling that shit with a married woman.” Yelena retorted, trying to play with your conscience until she chuckled. “Just kidding, go do your thing, her husband's an ass.” she snorted which made you laugh nervously, looking around the room you looked eyes with the redhead once more. Slightly raising her hand to get your attention, you went to be at her service after all you’re still her waitress. “What time are you heading out?” She asked casually which made you widen your eyes a little but you looked at your watch. “In four hours… I'm sure you won't push around your salad for that long.” You say which made the older woman smile. “I have some errands to do but I think it'll be nice to tell Yelena that you won't be going home with her.” Wanda says as she took her designer handbag, taking out her purse so she could get her credit card to pay for her meal.

Doing your job, you went to take it and bring it over to the counter. You weren't sure why you're so nervous, you've done this before… you've hooked up with people way shadier than Wanda, in fact… she's probably the most normal one you're about to go after. When they're finished with her card, you went back to Wanda to return the item to her. She smiled as you returned and took back her card, placing it back in her purse before putting on her sunglasses that made her look even hotter considering how well it matched her outfit. “I’ll pick you up, make sure those two keep their mouths shut about us.” she softly says before getting up from her seat, clearly talking about Yelena and Bucky who were basically watching from their stations.

Placing a hand on your forearm, gently squeezing on it and letting go of you almost immediately, then you watched her walk out of the restaurant with such elegance and style, she didn't have to wear the most obvious designer clothing to scream out that she's loaded, the way she carries herself and her aura was enough to tell that she's that kind of person. Getting inside of her luxury car that the valet got for her, that kind of vehicle was enough to tell you that she is surely a powerful woman. Making your way back to your station, the two gave a certain look and you're immediately reminded of what Wanda told you to do. “So… I hope you two can shut your mouth about this.” You say then Bucky shrugged. “I can keep my mouth shut, I don't know about this one.” Barnes teased while using his thumb to point at Yelena who's waiting on the drink he's making. “Just be careful with what you're doing, you're playing with fire here, Y/N.” she warned you, shrugging with what your friend said, you just went on to do your job.

Hours went by and you were exhausted, you've told Yelena that Wanda’s most probably picking you up, and you think that the older woman was… well, ‘man’ of her words. Heading into the restroom so you could freshen up after your shift, finally you've let your hair down, spray on perfume that has worn off hours ago, and finally you clock out. Heading to walk outside the country club, you see the familiar car that has picked you up once. Making your way towards there, you hear someone call your name and it's coming from a car that just pulled up. “Y/N, how are you darling?” The familiar voice called to you which surprised you, Wanda was about to open the door for you from the inside but confused by what made you stop.

“Diana? Hi! How are you home so soon?” You greeted the other woman who just exited her car, Diana wrapped her arms around you the moment she got close to you, you went to look at Wanda’s car and you're sure as hell that she's watching all this happening. “The meeting went well, everything goes to my approval hence why I'm back here early, didn't tell you ‘cause I'm planning to surprise you… seems like I did.” she says as she batted an eye towards the redhead’s car. “Well, yeah- I'm actually surprised.” you say then you looked at Diana before gently pulling away from her arms. “Mhmm, are you coming with me or not?” she asked so casually. Meanwhile, Wanda can't really hear what you and this woman was talking about, though she could sense there's something between you and this stranger but she didn't want to pry much instead she just waited.

“I- I'm afraid I can't, I made a commitment and I really stick by my words… you know that.” you say which made Diana roll her eyes. “Sure, but you know where to find me and you'd have to promise that you're going to make it up to me.” She says which made you bite the inside of your cheek. “Of course, you know I always do.” You say and finally you bid your goodbyes to her, and Wanda unlocked the door for you… now, you awkwardly get inside her car. “She looks familiar.” Wanda commented the moment she finally drove off. “Oh, she's also a member of the club so you probably ran into her a couple of times if you went here back then.” you say while the redhead nod in response.

“So, I'm going to ask the same question that I asked you last night in our texts… You're aware that I am a married woman, right?” she asked then you simply answer with a yes. “You like trouble don't you? The way that woman held you? There's something there isn't it?” she softly chuckled then you took a moment to think what to answer. “Well, it's no secret that Diana and I do go out… completely casual and no strings attached.” you say causing Wanda to raise a brow. “I hope you're not expecting the same thing with me, Y/N.” the redhead softly spoke. “I don't like sharing at all.” she added with the most innocent smile that she could put on.

“But I think you and I both know what I want.” you say honestly and Maximoff looked at you for a moment. “Oh, you're getting straight to it?” she chuckled before biting her lower lip. “Well, this is how it usually is, right? The married woman goes for the girl she wants to experiment with and once it's done… it's done.” you say, causing the older woman to laugh softly. “Marrying a man is more like the experiment.” Wanda scoffed, she went to drive a little longer and finally you both arrived at some motel out of town, well, she probably chose this one so no one could recognize the both of you and especially her.

Getting out of the car, you went after her just tailing behind her, heading into the motel the older woman asked you to do most of the talking so you did, you chose a decent room for the both of you. While you two were in the elevator, you went to move a little closer to Wanda’s side. “It's Diana Prince… I think she works for Wayne's company.” Wanda says all of a sudden. “Yes, that's her. Do you know her?” She shook her head at your question then you nodded yours. “Well, it's probably just I've seen her whenever I have to do some errands when I do business meetings with their company.” she added. “And you're aware that I'm married to a man who's somehow related to Stark too, right?” you nodded your head once more.

The moment the elevator, Wanda went ahead first and you followed after her, though you had to go first eventually since you're the one holding the key card. The moment you two were inside, Wanda went to look around the room for a moment, while you placed your bag on the chair by the desk near the bed. “What do you mean you don't like to share?” you ask her and tracing back to what she said earlier. “If you want to get me and have me, I want you to have me and only me.” Wanda says and she turns to face you. “Come on, I'm sure you're aware how much of a pretty face you are.” she added which made you even more confused.

“You really want me to put it into simpler terms?” Wanda says with a sigh before composing herself, walking closer to you. “I want to be the only one kissing this lips of yours, be the only one who gets to mark you up… take you whenever I want and whenever I need.” the more the redhead talked about her whims for you, you can't help but feel your body warm up. Eventually, you felt her hand resting on your waist. “You're going to have an affair with a powerful woman, Y/N, are you sure you're ready to take the heat?” she asked as she pulled you closer to her, fingers slowly digging into your skin. “I- uh- You mean I have to drop every possible connection that I have?” That was the question you could ask, sure it does sound stupid but your mind stop working when this woman had you under her spell.

“Well, you're quite greedy if you want to keep me around and still have other people, don't you think?” she asked then finally your face was only a couple of inches apart from hers. “I mean… I know I'm a catch, sweetheart.” she confidently says. Unsure of what to say at this point, all you know is that the both of you were staring at each other's lips, you didn't know how it occurred and who made the move first all you know is that the both of you started kissing… It was needy, hot, and desperate. To your surprise, it was Wanda taking the control here, you were always the one in control… they always have the hots for you and not vice versa, but this woman certainly has her way for you.

Eventually, you found yourself going at Wanda’s flow, you could feel the warmth of her tongue against yours, her wet muscle just swirling against yours. You walked backwards, trying to get a feel whether you're near the bed or not and as the back of your leg hit it, you slowly sank to your knees and sat on the mattress. This time your hands were around the older woman's waist, you were trying to take control this time… your hand was hiking up the blouse that she was wearing, yet you were stopped when she held your wrist. “Who said that you could touch?” Wanda purred as she parted her lips from yours just so she could speak. “I've got to have you first before you get me, malysh…” she spoke in her thick sokovian accent that caused butterflies all over your stomach.

“I- uh- I'm yours…” you stuttered which made Wanda chuckle. “We both know you're not there yet, sweetheart.” she says and you know damn well that she's not wrong. “But, we'll get there.” she whispered against your lips, now she crashed her lips against yours once again. The redhead straddles your lap, her lips moving perfectly with yours, you never felt this desperate… desperate for someone's touch, lips, and warmth. “Give me a chance tonight…” you mumbled against her lips which made her smirk. “No, I want you to crave for me… to the point you'll have no choice but to submit yourself to me.” she answered.

For a couple of hours the both of you didn't do anything but make out, and you've never felt so frustrated, neither of you took your clothes off. Here you are facing the mirror by the sink at the mirror, and what's worse? You're alone, the older woman had to leave since she had to be home when her husband unexpectedly came home. Taking your phone from your bag, you went to call someone.

“Hey, I know it's late and you're probably tired but I was wondering… if you can pick me up?” you hear a soft laugh from the other end. “You didn't score? You're not in your game, darling?” Diana teased which made you chuckle. “I guess you can say that.” You went to tell her where the motel was, this woman actually drove this late so she could get to you, she asked what your room number is and not even an hour later she was knocking on your door. “Should have come with me.” she says before leaning instantly for a kiss and you made sure to give her that satisfaction.

Spending the rest of the night with Diana instead of Wanda whom you came here with, lavishing on Prince’s warmth and taste on the same bed where you made out with the redhead you had earlier. You really are playing with fire after all, it's either you burn brighter than the fire you caused or be burnt, and you know you're never one to back out from a challenge.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

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