#bud lite beer

[justmwahstruly]

ohh so silly

(i bet u cant find this one eheheh)

(unwell zesty girl)

(she is not of legal age)

jabez belongs to good fren @thegenderconfusedpuffball and bud(??) belongs to also good fren @thecluelessdoctor

i love my alcoholic baby

and my frens 💕/p

[atomic-cat-weed]

at this point im just gonna start telling bitches who buy bud lite cans and shoot them with guns as "protest" ok imagine that bud lite makes 2 beer cans for every beer cans you buy and then shoot its a fucking hydra its forever growing the more you try to defeat it this is how capitalism works you fucking skilletbrained chump bucket

[rahabs]

So did American beer companies just make a pact to try and see who could lose more money faster through horrible advertising or something?

[robin-hood-for-freedom]

I dont understand the Bud Light boycott. 

How the hell have ya’ll not stopped drinking that swill years ago? 

[workingforitallthetime]

wow i cannot wait to see how we all appropriate this line for hilarious and angsty purposes in fic

“It’s kind of cliché, but our line this year is ‘Good dudes only.’ And what that means is you treat people the way you want to be treated. We’re always asking each other the question, ‘Would a good dude do this?’ If it’s the right choice, the answer is yes; if it’s the wrong one, it’s no. … Really trying to build up the culture of how we do things.”

[darksouls2yuri]

ik id like to keep bartending in the future but definitely not at a place where the average patron is old enough to be my parent or grandparent. like worst thing ever is serving boomers and gen xrs michelob ultras and yeunglings all day i swear and getting into arguments abt why we don't serve corona and patron or why our beer is $4. like sorry but you've been paying for $4 beer for months how did you just now notice idiot

[my-chemical-rot]

maybe controversial but whenever someone tells me they dislike beer I automatically assume they’re from the US. I’m sure gross beer exists in other countries too though

[frankjamesbailey]

I don't drink beer but if this meme says I'll be as talented as Elton John if I drink a can of Bud Lite with a rainbow on it then bring on the rainbow can! lol #budlight #eltonjohn #rainbowcan #funnymemes

[penguinlover27]

While I am loath to share an article from a right wing propaganda site, I think that it is important for anyone who stands to the left of Attila the Hun to read this.

We often talk about the persecution complex that seems to be part and parcel of the conservative movement. The author of this article outright tells the sheep who read the “news” on this site, that all of the products that they buy are manufactured or produced by people who hate them.

It is a very unusual position to take, especially for a Republican. Does a private enterprise not have the right to market its products as they see fit? If they did not think that sponsoring a trans woman and using her to help promote their beer would yield results and increase revenue, they would never have done it in the first place.

All of this over beer. I wonder if they feel the same level of outrage when the manufacturers of Kool cigarettes use African-Americans frequently in their print ads. Does that mean that only Black people can smoke them? No! It is just that they chose to market to that specific demographic. It does not mean that white people can’t smoke them too if they want to.

Ditto for this crappy beer. If you like the beer, then continue to buy it and consume it. If you don’t, then don’t buy it. It really is that simple.

When I see an ad from a car company marketing a truck, using a voiceover with a man’s voice with the personality of an “rugged” man, it does not make me think that unless I am just like that that I could not buy or drive such a vehicle. The car company is hitting it’s target demographic, nothing else.

Conservatives make it clear every single day that they are simply not capable of living in a diverse society, alongside people who live and think and believe differently than they do. They are overly paranoid culturally. Everything is a conspiracy. The whole world is out to get them.

These little tantrums that they throw occasionally never really yield a whole lot of actual results. I will say, that they have had some success with this latest one, but I don’t expect it to last. People who were fans of Bud Light before will more than likely after the noise is over come back and purchase and consume it again, as if nothing happened.

Do I think that everyone has a right to boycott something that they do not like? Absolutely! However, the reasons they state for doing so are frankly absurd.

I would cite this is yet another example of the death rattle of white supremacy and conservatism, as we have known it for most of American history. This is the backlash to all of the progress that minorities have made over the past century. The good thing is that there are fewer and fewer people who buy into their nonsense.

I have thought a lot about what conservatives could do to make themselves happy. I have a solution: look at what the Amish did.

The Amish decided that they did not want to participate in modern society. They have chosen to segregate themselves into their own communities and live the way that they want to live without imposing those choices and beliefs on everyone else. They even have special carveouts that allow them to deny their children an education past the eighth grade, as well as to drive their horse-drawn carriages and carts on public highways. Generally, they are kind, polite and well behaved people when interacting with others. But they live their own values and express their own culture within their segregated community. This is an example that radical conservatives should consider following.

We hear repeatedly that the white supremacists want a “homeland” of their own. Sure. Why not?

What about this scenario?

Let’s take the least populated states, merge them into one large territory, allow them to move there and take control, and then build a wall around it. They don’t want to live among the rest of us. They feel as if we are imposing values on them, that they simply cannot except. So, rather than tear this country apart and launch a new Civil War, let’s just give them what they are asking for.

Let them have Wyoming, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, etc. Take all of those states merge them into one large territory and let them have it. If you can’t hack living alongside blue America, then go to your new state and leave the rest of us alone. Pass as many backwards, retrograde laws as you want. Ban abortion. Ban gay marriage. Ban non-Christian religions. Do it in your own territory and leave the rest of us the fuck alone.

And then, when, inevitably your society collapses, don’t come back to the United States! You made your bed, now lay in it.

Conservatives are going to have to learn that they are simply one group among many in this country. They are not the majority. They do not have as much control as they used to, and that is why they are so angry, paranoid, and have such a persecution complex today.

They have equated the loss of privilege with persecution. They don’t really seem to have the mental capacity to look beyond their own hurt feelings and see our society as it is today. They want to turn the clock back, because if they did, and were successful in doing so, they would undo every bit of progress that has been made for non-white, non-Christian, non-cisgender, non-heteronormative people.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of this shit. If they don’t like it here in the United States, as it is today, then they are more than welcome to leave.

Most of them are really in favor of the type of government that they have in Russia with an autocrat in power. Fine, let them go there! Take your orange moron with you! Get the fuck out of the land of the free, and the home of the brave! This is not “your” country anymore.

[holycrowe]

Not me forgetting people are boycotting Bud and I'm only reminded when I was looking at Facebook while drinking one of those Bud seltzers

[bbeerbrand]

Is Miller Lite stronger than Bud Light?

"Miller Lite and Bud Light are pretty evenly matched in alcohol content at 4.2% ABV. But Bud Light has 150 more calories than Miller Lite, so if you're watching your figure then go for the latter."

Miller Lite and Bud Light are both 4.2% ABV beers. Miller Lite has 150 calories per 12 ounce serving, while Bud Light has 170 calories per 12 ounce serving.

"Miller Lite and Bud Light are both 4.2% ABV beers." Miller Lite is 4.2% ABV, but Bud Light is 5% ABV. For More Related:

Convenience Store Owner Threatens Man At Gunpoint After Hitting His 5th Lottery Winner In 3 Months!!

Click Here for Product!

[stinkfacestories]

The day you found out you had won Jason Kelces Beard Challenge was the best day of your life. The challenge was simple: put together a snap or tiktok video of how to get a beard as good as Jason and the top winner would win a day with Jason. Your video was a long shot: you made a tiktok showing how if you mixed essence of dwarf, with a bit of neanderthal, and just a splash of viking inside Abraham Lincoln's hat and applied it to your face, you'd look as good as Jason. It did t get very many views but Jason loved it. The next thing you knew you were in Philadelphia meeting the man himself at the airport.

The tour of Philadelphia through Jason Kelces eyes was a lot of stops at places he loved to eat. Steak sandwich, sausage, pizza, ice cream. The man just loved to eat. As the day dragged on just as Afternoon turned to evening he took you to Lincoln Field, his home turf. There was no game and the place was locked down, but that was nothing a few signed balls couldn't handle.

He took you to the locker room, the place where he told you he feels most free to be himself. You both sat down on the bench in front of his locker. He took out a case of bud light and cracked one open. The man drank so much bud lite you swore he was sponsored by them.

He told you to be quiet. To just listen to the sound of the room. To drink it in and become one with the soul of real American football.

The only thing you heard was the bench breaking as Kelce leaned forward and let out a fart with a satisfied grunt.

"Oh, sorry," he said, not sounding very sorry.

"Really? " you said. You looked at him, almost appalled that he would do that with you right next to him.

Jason turned and gave you a wink. "Dont tell me you don't find farts funny. Your a guy. All guys love farts." 

You rolled your eyes. "Not really."

"What about this one," he said and let loose a loud bassy fart.

"God stop it, it's so gross," you said as you slid away, but suddenly found yourself pressed against the wall of the locker room. "Seriously dude. What the fuck?"

"C'mon," Jason said as he moved over towards you. “I warned you. Remember when I ate that large sausage with pickled garlic ave said ‘were in trouble later’? What do you think I meant.” and placed a hand on your chest, giving you a bit of a push. "Don't be a prude."

You were caught between a wall, and a wall of beef holding you in place. "Seriously, stop it".

"Can't stop. Won't stop," he said still pressing you in the wall. His eyes were the kind of dull that only cheap low quality beer can make the."You know I bet you never had an older brother. Between me, my dad and Travis we learned to appreciate farts. My dad told me that the best cure is exposure. So to get you up to speed I think I need to gas you more"

He  pressed into you and lifted up his keg and let loose with a fart so powerful it echied through the empty locker room.. You struggled to get away from the horrible stench, but couldn't escape.

"No, don't do this," you said as it overwhelmed you.

He turned around and pressed his huge soft center lineman ass in your face, the soft fabric of his shorts spreading across your face like warm dough. It was too much, and you were powerless to stop it. His asshole flexed and relaxed as it sent out a long drawn out series of wet sounding farts. You gagged as the air around you filled with the horrid odor.

"Fuck that was a good one," he said, not budging an inch. “Three point stance just rips these farts out of me.”

"I think I'm going to puke," you said, trying not to vomit.

"If your gonna puke, aim that way, I like these shorts." he said pointing. "Do you think it's funny yet?"

"No!" You coughed.

"Alright you asked for it" he presses his ass harder, wedging your nose on his cheeks. He let loose with a rapid fire volley of farts that left you breathless and coughing. He backed away, chuckling at you.

"God, fuck, that's rank!" You coughed. You tried to breathe fresh air but the locker room had been total polluted by Kelces ass.

"Come on. You don't have to love them, but you gotta at least admit they are funny and manly now. How can you like football and not think farts are funny." he let you stew and come up with an answer.

"Fuck...no," you say.

He shrugged. "Ok. Your loss," he said and pressed his ass in your face again.

"No! Please. God. No. Fuck!"

"What's it going to take? Do I need to pull my shorts down and give you a bare ass stinkface?" He said, pressing even harder.

"No! No more. Fine. They're fucking funny," you cried.

"What?" He said. "I couldn't hear you"

"They're funny!"

"Now are you just saying that to make me stop?"

"No, I mean it. They are funny and they are manly."

"Well, if it's funny you won't have a problem asking me to do it a few more times so you can properly laugh. Right?"

"Uh...fine. Sure. Just, please, no more, I can't take it."

He turned and farted once. "Laugh. Laugh hard and long and deep." He was getting frustrated that you weren't laughing. "Seriously come on guy. This is just as bad for me as it is for you. It's hard to hold this position and if I keep farting I'm going to have to take a dump soon"

"Oh god no!"

"Laugh dammit!" He yelled.

"No, no, I can't."

"Fine then," he said. He pulled you down and set you face up on the bench. He loomed over you. "Ok big fucking guns time" he pulled down his shorts and hovered his raw hairy bear ass over your face.

"Oh shit, dude please don't!" His as was a beast. This close you could make out the rough skin. His ass had taken a pounding over the years and looked like a hefty bag overfilled with cottage cheese. The hair on his crack was dense and black. 

"Do you think this is funny?"

"Yes, yes, fuck, yes!" You were sobbing, your body convulsing.

“Good. Then you'll find this hilarious.” he sat down. He sat down hard. He rocked back and forth, the wiry hair of his ass crack scouring your face. He dug deep like he has an itch he was trying to scratch.

"Laugh. C'mon. Laugh, laugh like a big boy." He said, simultaneously belching and farting.

"Ahahaha!" You started crying and laughing.

"Oh fuck. What a fucking cry baby. Laughing at farts is supposed to be funny. Not sad."

"I'm sorry," you sobbed.

"Just...fucking stop," he said, standing and pulling up his shorts as he got off you. "Baby can't handle a grown man's ass. Jesus fuck"

He sat down next to you. You were still shaking a little, tears coming from your eyes. "I'm sorry," you said.

"It's fine, it's not the first time I've gassed someone like that," he said. "your not the only one who cried either "

You sniffed, still wiping tears away. "It was just so...overwhelming. The smell, and the sound, and the pressure..."

"It was a lot. It was," he said.

He drained his bud light and crushed the can. "Ok second chance to get it right." He leaves forward and farted, then looked to you to see your reaction.

You laughed. A genuine laugh. "Fuck, dude."

He smiled and farted again. You kept laughing. "It's funny, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It is," you said, laughing some more.

"Now you" he said 

You panicked. You didn't have to fart. You were to nervous.

"What the hell. Do it"

"I don't know if I can," you said.

"Come on. Do it. Do it" he chanted.

"I can't."

"You trying to make me mad? You're a guy. You should always be ready to let rip"

"But I'm not drunk like you are. And I'm not a fucking monster with an ass like yours."

"Fine, then, let's fix that." He reached down and ripped a huge one. He reached for his phone and placed a call "Trav. Yeah we got an emergency. Yeah get that chili defrosted and get some real cheap beer. Ooooh and some gas station food. Yeah he's a wimp. Didn't laugh. No he did. Fuck no she can't come to.  Alright. Love you. No homo" he hung up the phone.

"Your brother's coming over?"

"Yup. And he's gonna be pissed if you don't laugh when he cuts one. He loves farts. And he's got an ass that could kill a guy."

"Wait..."

"We're going to our man cave. It's a cabin in the woods. Just guys. Strict no pants policy. You better hope Trav remembered his boxers. You are gonna learn to love being a man like us and become the third Kelce brother, or you ain't leaving that shack."

"What's it going to be like," you said, afraid, but also excited.

"Oh, you're gonna hate every minute, and you're gonna love every minute."

"Fuck. I'm going to get wrecked, aren't I?"

"Oh definitely. We will probably fuck up your head so much. You're going to end up with a fetish for this."

You laughed.

All you could do was laugh.

[thatlovinfeelin]

He Don't Like The Lights | Bradley Bradshaw Actor AU|

Waiting tables wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t your favorite job either. Not that you hated it, because you didn’t. For the most part you liked your coworkers, your roommate Celeste being one of them. Your bosses weren’t horrible, and the pay was alright. You were able to pay your bills and stash some extra cash away for savings. Soon, or at least you hoped it would be soon, you would be able to move out of the somewhat shitty place with Celeste and get a better apartment. Maybe even leave Virginia altogether. 

“Hey, I need you to take table five.” 

“But it’s not in my section tonight,” You argue with your manager. 

“Just take it, okay? It's a single and you’re better with singles than Celeste,” He replied, shooing you away with his hands. 

You let out a dramatic sigh, rolling your eyes as you grabbed your waitress book and headed towards the single guy sitting at the table. You never sized up tables before you started serving them, never tried to write people off before they had a chance to show their colors. 

But you could tell that this guy was hot just by the way he was sitting with a baseball cap tugged low. He at least knew how to wear a damned hat unlike some of the guys who came in with it halfway on their heads. 

“Hi, welcome in, can I get you started with anything to drink?” You asked cheerfully as you stopped in front of him. 

The bar was relatively empty, which came as a surprise since it was a weekend and the weather was fairly nice. Maybe everyone was still out at the beach and would be in before dinner ended. Maybe you would get lucky and end up having a good tip night to make up for the shitfest that was last night. 

“Uh, just a Bud on draft if you have it.”

“Bud lite?” You question. 

“No, Buswieser, the real shit,” There’s a hint of a laugh in his voice. 

“I’ve got it in a bottle, is that okay?”

“Yeah that works,” He replies, tipping his head back to look up at you. 

It takes you a second to register who’s actually looking at you. You’ve seen those dark hazel eyes on screen plenty of times, because Cele is obsessed with his movies. However, what really takes you back is how normal he looks in an old beat up t-shirt and shorts. He doesn’t look like the glamourous actor that you’ve seen.

“I’m sorry- are you,” You stop and lick your lips. 

You aren’t nervous, because you aren’t obsessed with him. His movies are okay, and you have to admit he is more attractive in person than he is on screen. But you’ve never been one to fall face first over someone who’s in the industry, not that you’ve ever had the chance to before. 

“Are you Bradley Bradshaw?” The question comes out as a whisper as you lean down, trying to be as quiet as you can. 

He pales for a moment, waiting to see if you’re going to fully freak out on him before smiling sheepishly, “Caught that easily, huh?”

“You’re lucky it’s just me and not the other girl over there,” You inform him, “She’d be on the floor, and I know that because I live with her and share a TV with her. But since it’s just me,” you smile at him before backing away a step, “A bottle of Bud coming right up.”

He smiles and relaxes into his seat before looking back down at his phone on the table. You can’t help but smile as you make your way towards the bar and the POS system to start his ticket. 

Bradley Bradshaw is eating in the bar and no one but you knows. He just happened to be lucky enough that Celeste had the one big table and was therefore too busy to take him, even though it was her section. 

“Thanks for taking that table,” She sounds out of breath as she sets a drink tray down next to you, “I’m swamped with those fuckers over there. Tourists on vacation who want everything at that very moment. Including three Virgin Strawberry Daiquiris for the kids. I want to shoot myself.”

You smile to yourself as you make your way around to the beer cooler to grab a nice cold bottle of Bud, “Oh don’t worry about it. He shouldn’t cause any trouble anyway.”

If only she knew. 

“Here you go,” You say, sitting the open bottle down on his table, “Do you need a minute to look over the menu? Or do you have any questions?”

“What do you recommend?” He asked you, looking back up. 

“Pulled Pork Mac’n’cheese, easy,” You replied almost instantly, “Hands down my favorite dish here, after our Crab Dip appetizer, but I also eat that for a full meal.”

He smiles up at you and closes the menu before handing it back to you, “I’ll try that Pork Mac then.”

“Sounds good, I’ll get that right in!” You smile triumphantly before backing away once again, “Holler if you need anything, okay? I’ll be back to check on you before the food comes out.”

Back at the bar, Celeste is finally able to stop for a minute and catch her breath. She looks miserable and it makes you want to laugh a little. Her night would be very different if she just took Table Five instead. 

She’s hunched over her phone reading an article, which normally you would call her out on being on her phone but tonight you can’t be bothered. It’s slow enough and her phone is hidden anyway. 

“Hey, Bradshaw is up for a bunch of awards,” She grins, “He so deserves them. You remember how great he was in that war movie, right! That’s what’s being nominated.”

“Hmm?” You question before your brain seems to catch up with you, “Oh, yeah. No, he was great in that movie. Whole cast was, honestly.”

“Exactly! I hope they sweep at the Oscars, they all deserve it so much.”

You have to hide your smile as you type away on the POS to put in the order. In the back, you can hear your kitchen jamming out to some sort of heavy metal meets classic rock mix which isn’t all that unusual for them. There are some days you’ve come to work and they’ve been listening to Disney music. At this point you can’t even try to say that you understand what their playlists consist of. 

It takes ten minutes before you’re walking back over to the table with another beer in hand. You noticed he was starting to run low and you know better than to let a drink ever go empty. That was one of the first things you learned when you became a waitress. 

“Brought you another one,” You announce, setting it down. 

“Thanks, appreciate it,” He replies, “And uh, thanks for not freaking out on me. Would’ve been a bitch if I got swarmed in here.”

“No worries, I’m not a rabid fan or anything,” You laugh, “But I am curious as to why you’re here of all places. I thought you lived in LA?”

“I do,” He nods, “But this was home long before LA was. I was born here in Virginia, I like to come back and visit family from time to time.”

“Oh,” You’re taken back by his honesty. He could’ve easily told you that it was none of your business, which is what you expected, “That’s really nice actually.”

Celeste calls you, saying the kitchen wants you. Reluctantly you force yourself away from the table and towards the set of double swinging doors in the middle of the bar. Something about Bradley Bradshaw is drawing you in and you aren’t sure if you want to resist it or not. Surely he wouldn’t remember your name in a few hours. He’d forget about the server from Virginia the second he got on a flight back to LA and the way of the world would take back over. 

“Here’s that pork mac,” Chef told you, nudging the dish in the window, “Get it out of my sight.”

“Sir yes sir,” You reply, grabbing the hot dish, “Thank you!”

“Yeah yeah, fuck off,” He grumbled, which only made you smile. 

You made your way back towards Bradley’s table with a smile. You could see why Celeste was so enamored with him. There was just something about him that made you want to sit down and hang on his every word. Plus, he was hot as hell. He still had the mustache from his previous role, and was trying to hide behind his ball cap. He looked normal, almost.

You wondered how other people here saw him? Were they even paying attention to the bonafide star that was hiding out in the corner? Celeste would piss herself if she knew he was here, hell, you might even piss yourself if he smiled at you again. The thought made you a little weak in the knees. 

“Your pork mac,” You said, sitting it down on the table in front of him, “Be careful, it’s actually pretty hot.”

“Mmm, looks fantastic,” He nearly groaned, “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, you don’t even know if you’ll like it!” You laughed, “But I hope you enjoy, and let me know if I can get you anything else.”

You hop away from him again, taking a deep breath as you go. Maybe the night wouldn’t be as bad as you thought.

[spinningalbinoturtle]

The Fellowship of Mind Altering Substance

Aragorn

Mostly just drinks straight whisky

If forced by Arwen to have a cocktail he will have a whiskey sour or an old fashioned

He can hold his liquor

Brings a flask to important feasts this annoys Arwen to no end

Chainsmoker

Enjoys getting high but not everyday likes to do it with friends preferably Gandalf or Faramir NOT the hobbits

Has tried a lot of drugs in his day but doesn’t really do any anymore

Boromir

Drinks shitty beer like Heinecken or Bud Lite

Smokes camels but not in front of the hobbits

Doesn’t do drugs and looks down on people who do except Faramir because “its medicinal for him”

Legolas

Oh boy where to begin

He knows a lot about wine from his dad but pretty much just drinks dessert wine

And fruity cocktails

Party drugs guy

Likes to do hallucinogenics in the woods

Pretends he smokes weed but doesn’t actually like it

Gimli

Knows a lot about beer and drinks it in public

But really likes fruity cocktails and drinks them at home with Legolas

He’s a bong and hookah smoker-really into that hashish

Has done hallucinogens in a spiritual context

Gandalf

Drink of choice is Absinthe

Has done all the drugs

Loves his weed though

Also likes mushrooms

Merry

Drinks Mike’s Hard Lemonade and boxed wine

Weed coniseur

He has a massive bong collection

Likes to hit Pippin’s vape

Has experimented with other drugs

Pippin

Vape rig everywhere kinda guy its strawberrybubblegum flavored

He drinks shitty alcohol: white claw, smirnoff iced, bud lite seltzer

Does weed but with a dab pen

Has done molly, ketamine, and LSD

Sam

Sam drinks like craft beers and ciders

Is really into his local microbreweries

Not a big smoker for either weed or tobacco but enjoys a pipe now and then

He grows really good weed but more as a planting challenge than for himself

He sells a lot to Merry

Trip supervisor

Frodo

Frodo is too anxious for most things and they fuck with his meds

Pre quest Frodo was a cider and fruity cocktails gay

He doesn’t drink or smoke afterwards they both make him anxious

He does micro dose on shrooms mecidinally thought

Has done ketamine in a medicinal context

Faramir

Doesn’t drink

Smokes weed but mostly medicinally

Eowyn

Smokes weed with Faramir

Drinks mead and beer

Goes out drinking with Sam since they’re both married to people who are sober

Bilbo

Likes a good wine he knows what’s good

His favorite cocktail is a margarita he’s a tequila bitch

Used to smoke tobacco til he adopted Frodo

Still smokes weed though

Arwen

Has a glass or wine with dinner

Used to smoke as a teenager for rebellious reasons

[limitlessmika]

jjk men + their drink orders

tags: liquor, sfw, some mildly offensive shot names in sukuna's description, sukuna is a menace, choso is clueless, nanami is classy

notes: i recently quit bartending after 3 years and am having total withdrawals now that i'm a big girl (gag) so here are the jjk men's drink orders hahaha <3

p.s. i know it's canon that some don't drink, but just fancy me

nanami: doesn't drink very often except for after a stressful week at work or on a special occasion be it a work dinner or anniversary night. but when he does drink he's drinking a martini of sorts, most likely a dirty martini with gin..honorable mention: neat whiskey.

toji: without a doubt if he were to drink.. it's definitely some cheap ass beer. i'm talking miller lite, bud light, BUDWEISER, and also bottom of the BARREL tequila. well tequila. sauza tequila.

gojo: why do i feel like he's the one ordering the sweet sugary cocktails??? i'm talking hurricanes, blue hawaiians, sex on the beach, mai tais!!! if it has simple syrup and food coloring then he's ordering it

geto: guys.... he's drinking wine. he's drinking red wine, cabernets and pinor noirs specifically. lips flushed a pinkish cherry flavor from the drink, bitter aftertaste. yum.

choso: this man is a beer drinker as well but not in a broski way but in an idk what to order so he orders whatever the special of the day is. probably a darker, more stout beer. never takes shots unless he's on his third beer already and is partial to IPAS.

sukuna: the most nefarious liquor out there. jagermeister. rumple minze. hennessy. probably does 9/11 and dead nazi shots. *google it*

[joelswritingmistress]

Oh Captain, My Captain: Chapter 2

Chapter Summary: You gather your nerves as you wait at the bar to see if Joel and his coworkers will arrive. When they do show, your confidence drops and you realize you never formed a plan. The sight of the captain leaves you speechless.

Joel x f!reader

You knew if you showed up to the bar first it would be less suspicious than if you practically followed "Captain Joel" into the place.

He said he was showering first, you remembered. Showering. Out back. That's what he said. It left your mind wandering down all sorts of avenues you tried to redirect from as you headed down the quiet seaside sidewalk.

Out back? You wondered if that meant an outdoor shower. There were plenty of them attached to the little cottages in the area. You imagined his muscular back, a shade lighter than his tanned arms and water coating sun-kissed skin. It was a hell of a fantasy for being in the man's company for less than an hour. You hadn't even really talked to one another.

Shake it off, you told yourself. It was time to attempt to act like an adult. Year twenty-three made you feel a little caught in between. Sometimes you felt like you had your shit together and other times you fell back into the same old, college-style habits with your friends. It was a fun time but you found yourself in funks here and there in your down time because you weren't quite sure how to make the leap with both feet into adulthood.

The Lamp Post came into view and you tried to put on your game face, leaving the endless thoughts in your head behind - for now. A pair of mermaids, a blond on the left and a redhead on the right topped the bar's name on the fun, little sign that greeted people on the walkway. The place seemed relatively low key as it was tucked away around the corner on a street that dead-ended where the ocean began. From the entrance you could see a pair of kayakers slinking out of the water up a sandy piece of slab.

You took a breath and headed inside, only to be carded immediately as you took a seat at the bar.

"What're you drinking?" The bartender asked.

Your eyes scanned the drinks of the other patrons. Pabst Blue Ribbon. Bud Lite. Miller Lite. Random pints in glasses. A stray martini down the end.

"I'll do the Dogfish draft," you requested, removing your debit card from your purse, "Please."

"You got it. Start a tab?"

"Sure."

When the beer arrived you sipped on it and alternated between glancing out at the ocean, eying the television behind the bartender and scanning the place to see if Joel had snuck in.

As you finished about three quarters of your beer, the door to the establishment whipped open with a chorus of laughter and the three men wandered into the place.

Your heart dropped and any ounce of confidence left your body. You suddenly wondered if it was a bad idea to come here. How weird would you look when the captain of your tourist cruise ship realized you had stalked him to a little dive bar down the road from his work?

Fuck.

When Joel's eyes met yours you realized you were staring and turned your body fully so your legs were tucked beneath the bar.

Smooth. Fucking smooth.

You sipped your beer and felt Joel and the other two guys breeze behind your back as they searched for bar stools. There wasn't an ounce of you that had the self control not to look over your shoulder - and so you did. Joel was the only one who appeared to remember you from the boat ride. He gave you a second look, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips, and settled in two seats away, leaving the one between you empty.

"Three PBRs, please," Joel ordered, pulling out a twenty to cover it.

"I'll get next," the guy beside him offered.

You tried to pretend to keep your attention on the television. The Redsox game was on and you quietly sipped away at the bottom of your beer. You realized you should've had some kind of plan in place, but the second you saw Joel's face you froze.

"You can get her another of whatever she's drinking," you heard his voice say. It prompted you to turn toward him as he slipped the bartender another ten.

Before you could say anything, Joel motioned to the television and nodded toward you. "Sox are winning, huh?"

"Yeah," you said with a nod. "It's a good game."

"Good thing that last guy struck out with the bases loaded."

You were starting to thaw but you still felt frozen. "Yeah. Good thing." You were simply agreeing with whatever he said because you hadn't been paying a lick of attention to the baseball game. Hell, you didn't watch hardly any baseball at all.

Joel chuckled. "The Sox are down five runs." He motioned to the television. "And that last guy hit a homerun."

The bartender slid a beer your way and you exchanged the empty glance with it. "Thanks," you said to him and then raised it in the air to Joel. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"You're right I wasn't really paying attention to the game," you confessed. "Just spacing out."

"Mmm.." he smirked again and leaned an elbow on the bar as he reached for his beer. "I'm Joel."

You introduced yourself more formally and added. "Yeah, I think you were.. uh.. the boat captain. I just took a ride."

Joel grinned wider like he knew something you didn't. It was right then that you were certain he was seeing right through you. You weren't very good at playing the game.

"I know," he said with a nod. If called you out on eavesdropping on his conversation and then essentially showing up at the bar he planned to be at you would die. Not that you didn't deserve it. If someone had gone through that trouble with you, you wouldn't know what to think.

"Do you come here often?" You asked him.

Joel nodded. "Weekends after work. Maybe a random stop during the week if it's been a long day." He paused and looked at you more directly. "You come here often?"

When your bottom lip separated from your top one he gave a chuckle, knowing full well the answer was no. You laughed lightly with him.

Joel asked a more genuine question now. One that you could answer. "How long are you in town?"

"We leave next weekend. My parents may take the boat to Block Island or something a few days."

"Mmm." Joel's response had a hint of disapproval and he sipped on his lager again.

"What?" You asked.

"Boat huh? Let me guess, Greenwich, Connecticut here on an extended holiday hopping from one New England island to another."

You made a face. "Is there something wrong with that? And no. We're from Mystic, actually. Not Greenwich."

Joel chuckled again and one of the guys he was with whistled the familiar damning Beethoven tune.

"Thanks for the beer." You rolled your eyes at them and turned your attention back to the ball game.

Joel moved over a seat so you were side-by-side now. "I'm sorry. That was judgmental. I shouldn't have-"

"I get that you probably see snotty, rich people all summer," you cut him off, "And my family might even fit into that box; but I'm not going to sit here and get mocked for it. Why do you think I'm here and not out at some fancy dinner at The Terrace or where ever they all went."

"I think you're here because you heard me talking about it," Joel said point blank. It disarmed you. "And I think you wanted to get away from that stuffy atmosphere you're used to and have a little fun."

You stared back at him, forgetting you were annoyed all of three seconds before that.

He put his beer down and held out a hand. "Let's start over. I'm Joel. I'm a local boat captain in the summers and I drive a plow in the winters. I'll be forty in October and I like long walks on the beach."

You let out a laugh at the last line and kept a smile on your face. Yep, it was hard to stay mad with a delivery like that. "I'm (Y/N). I work at my father's insurance company and I just finished my master's in business. No one knows this but on the side I sell my own paintings and drawings and if I could I would dedicate all of my time to that; and maybe even photography. I just turned twenty-four a few days ago."

He was almost forty. Somehow that made him all the more appealing. You would've guessed thirty-five or so.

"Twenty-four. You got a lot to learn. I'd give anything to go back, though."

"Regrets?"

Joel shook his head. "Just not into the bad back. Gray hair." He lifted the hat off his head and you both smiled.

"You don't have many," you assured him. "And they suit you."

He squinted his eyes, still grinning. "So, when's your curfew?"

You rolled your eyes again and made sure to take an extra long swig from your beer. "I can do what I want."

"So how come no one knows about your love of the arts, then?"

Ouch. He wasn't wrong, but-

"I'm sorry," Joel said. "It's not my business."

"No, you're right." You sighed.

"Was I right about the reason you came to this bar tonight?"

You felt you were rightfully cringeworthy. How could you even lie now? You wanted to, but Joel saw right through you so why try?

"Okay," you said, glancing up at the television again and wishing for some early liquid courage. "Fine, yeah. I heard you guys mention it."

Joel laughed lightly again. "Well, why don't you come join me down at a little clambake over by the light house then. No tourists allowed."

"Just our kind," one of his friends chimed in, obviously listening in on the whole conversation. You couldn't really judge, eavesdropping was the whole reason you were sitting there.

"Slum it, rich girl," the other guy added.

"So, how will I sneak by?" You asked him.

Joel continued to wear a grin. "Let me worry about that." He raised his eyebrows at the same time as his glass. "You in?"

You tapped your glass to his. "I'm in."

"And I promise I'll get you home before you turn into a pumpkin."

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