#but I truly DESPISE Zack Snyder

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: The 30 Best Comic Book Superhero Movies (And the 10 Worst)

People who follow my blog know that I love superhero movies. It’s not really subtle, I constantly argue that some of them have a lot of artistic merit and are fine pieces of cinema. But I also hate them, because some of them are so formulaic, bland, and unimpressive that I almost want to say that Scorecese is right after all. It’s kind of the same boat people who love comics books are in from what I’ve seen, where they love and hate them in equal measure. I just want these films to try, you know?

But there are some that try, and I want to celebrate those. Here’s my opinion on what the thirty best of this oversaturated genre are. Not all of these films are created equally obviously, and some of them have their flaws, but these are the thirty I think best exemplify the genre and that I would hold up as genuine art, because I think each of them offers something valuable to cinema, be it great entertainment, some sort of interesting character study, or just plain camp.

I’m also going to tell you the ten comic book movies I think are genuine garbage, though. This genre has problems, big ones, and these exemplify those problems better than anything.  

Just keep in mind, while I am trying my best to be as objective as possible, there’s definitely still some bias here. This is my opinion, not a definitive list, and you can agree or disagree all you want. Hell, you have a film you want to make a case for, let me know; I might do an “Honorable Mentions” addition to this, because there were some things I had to cut off.

30. Zack Snyder’s Justice League

 Is it overly long and could have been trimmed a bit? Yes. Is it a bit self-indulgent? Sure. Was there any reason to make us watch Jared Leto play the Joker again? Absolutely not. But even with its issues this is still one of the most impressive events in cinematic history, where the internet bullied a movie studio into letting a director actually finish his movie. That it’s actually a pretty good movie is really just the cherry on top here. Pretty amazing that letting Cyborg be a character, having the team actually synergize in the final fight, and giving the villain a real motivation makes for a better viewing experience than cringey interactions with Russian kids, huh?

29. Venom

There had to be at least one awesomely trashy film on the list, and it couldn’t really be anything but this. As much as I love the sequel for being wackier, stupider, and more homoerotic than this one (no easy feat, mind you), it’s hard to deny how well the original set the trashy early-2000s superhero schlock tone that Sony’s cinematic universe is sticking with. Between Tom Hardy’s off-the-walls dual performance as Eddie Brock and Venom and the awesomely cheesy Eminem rap song the film ends on, it’s hard not to love it.

28. Wonder Woman

This may not technically be the first female-led comic book superhero movie, but it does have the honor of being the first one not to suck. While the grand finale does shoot the message of “no one person is responsible for a war” in the foot to indulge in CGI nonsense, the rest of the movie is a showcase of why it’s a crime Wondy only got her big screen debut in the 2010s.

27. Iron Man 

Here it is, the one that started it all. I think the fact this movie kind of shows its age is a good thing; it feels less bloated and intricately connected to a giant universe than a lot of later films do, and instead focuses on the story and characters. Tony Stark truly was the role of a lifetime for RDJ, and with it he redeemed one of the most despised heroes (this was right after Civil War) as well as himself.

26. X-Men: Days of Future Past

The X-Men timeline has always been a disastrous mess, so why not make a movie that revolves all around fixing it? This film is, in essence, the grand finale of the X-Men universe, with a plot revolving around stopping the iconic Sentinels and ending with everyone in a better place. It’s a shame they kept pushing onward after this, because the main films after this one just couldn’t recapture the glory this film had… though that’s certainly not a problem exclusive to this franchise. Nothing can ever take away from how good Quicksilver’s run is, though.

25. Aquaman

Weird, wacky, inventive, colorful… Sure there are some stupid moments, corny dialogue, and shoehorned villains (did we really need to have Black Manta be a jobber?) but overall this is a fun and exciting oceanic adventure with a charismatic lead, a fun main villain, and a complete embracing of weird comic book trappings. If you still think Aquaman is lame after watching him end a sea war with the help of a kaiju voiced by Julie Andrews, that’s on you.

24. Avengers: Endgame

Endgame’s biggest flaw is that it feels less like a film in its own right and more like an event. But that’s also why it’s so great; this is what ten years of buildup SHOULD feel like. While not everything is wrapped up in a neat little bow, there are so many satisfying conclusions, great character interactions, and crowd-pleasing moments that it more than makes up for the flaws. Maybe it is the equivalent of an amusement park ride, but if it is it’s the best ride in the park.

23. X2: X-Men United

The first X-Men movie was okay, but this is where the franchise made like Wolverine and really showed its claws. Upping the action and putting Logan front and center as he is forced to confront his past, the main X-Men franchise never got better than this. Special shout out to Alan Cumming’s show-stealing portrayal of Nightcrawler, who kicks the movie off with arguably its best action set piece.

22. Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox

If you can get past how everyone is built like a character from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, you’ll find one of the best animated movies DC has produced. Hell, it’s so good that Flashpoint’s writer prefers it—probably thanks to how this is a lot more focused and streamlined than a big event in a comic book would be.

21. Joker

This is definitely a movie that wears its love of Scorcese on its sleeve, right down to casting long-time Marty muse De Niro in a major role. But even if you’ve seen some of this before, Joker still manages to impress thanks to a stellar performance from Joaquin Phoenix as the titular clown. Phoenix really carries the movie on his back, and if you ask me he pulls off a better and more nuanced Joker than Ledger did.

20. Kick-Ass

A rather unconventional comic book movie to be sure, but it manages to do something absolutely astounding: It makes Mark “The Unfunnies” Millar’s depressing and edgy original comic into something earnest, uplifting, and positive. Perhaps the best thing about it is that it was the big breakthrough for  Chloë Grace Moretz, who gets to play a foul-mouthed preteen who brutalizes thugs and has great chemistry with her onscreen dad (played by Nicolas Cage). It’s fun, it’s violent, and it manages to say something in the end. Now if only the sequel could have kept that energy.

19. Batman

Tim Burton’s original outing with the Caped Crusader is rightfully respected as one of the all-time classics, and you’re not going to hear me say anything bad about the performances of Jack Nicholson or Michael Keaton. I will say that at worst it just doesn’t measure up to its sequel, but really, few Batman movies do. The fact remains this is perhaps one of the single most important and influential works in the Batman mythos; we probably wouldn’t have the animated series or the Arkham games without this laying down the blueprint for a great Batman story. 

18. Watchmen

Sure, Zack Snyder misses the point of Alan Moore’s magnum opus pretty hard in a lot of places. But I think I can overlook that when this slavishly faithful film is able to bring to life the characters of the comic so vividly, especially Rorschach with his pitch-perfect portrayal by Jackie Earle Haley. Unlike a lot of Snyder’s other overly-long films, this movie’s ass-numbing Director’s Cut length feels genuinely warranted, especially since there’s really never a dull moment in it.

17. Shazam!

The future really is in the hands of children. Sure, this movie is goofy and definitely geared towards kids... but the titular hero is literally a child in a grown man’s body. The whole thing is sort of like Big crossed with Superman, and it’s lighthearted fun that’s not afraid to get dark and serious when it needs to be. There’s a really earnest corniness to it that manages to make it one of the rare gems in DC’s cinematic universe.

16. Thor: Ragnarok

Let me be frank: Thor absolutely sucked before Taika Waititi got ahold of him. Thor was a bland slab of meat with little personality beyond “hammer” and his movies were some of the least interesting in the MCU. Waititi managed to took what was essentially a blank canvas and paint a wacky galactic buddy comedy that knows when to be funny and knows when to put a brake on the jokes to get serious (for the most part). And while this is most definitely Thor’s movie, it’s nice that Mark Ruffalo finally gets a chance to truly shine again as Hulk for the first time since The Avengers.

15. Deadpool

Ryan Reynolds is Deadpool, plain and simple. There is such a fantastic understanding of the character on display here, a character who in the wrong hands it could be easy to screw up. But it is abundantly clear from the word go that Reynolds loves Wade Wilson, and while the comedy may not be to everyone’s taste it will definitely sate the hunger of Deadpool fans. The sequel may be bigger and flashier, but this movie is tighter, fresher, and you get to see Gina Carano get her ass kicked.

14. Spider-Man: No Way Home

This movie has its fair share of problems, and in some manners it feels like an Endgame-level spectacle more than a movie. But by god, seeing all three cinematic Peters together on screen bantering with each other... It’s really a dream come true. This movie’s greatest feat isn’t even pulling off the most ambitious superhero crossover ever in a way that doesn’t rob Holland’s Spidey of the spotlight; no, its greatest trick is showing everyone once and for all that if Andrew Garfield had better writing we would all acknowledge him as the perfect Spider-Man. They not only do Garfield justice, they completely redeem him and let him steal the show right from under Maguire (an impressive feat). And if that’s not enough, Willem Dafoe’s Norman Osborn is here to remind you when it comes to comic book villains, he’s still the GOAT; the Goblin might be the most evil villain to grace the MCU, and he’s only used sparingly! This is the last MCU movie that truly felt great, and if this is the best it will ever be again, at least it hit the highest high before falling very low.

13. Blade 

In a time where comic book movies were not well respected by audiences, Wesley Snipes came along and reminded us all the genre could be cool again. It also showed, yes, people will watch and love a superhero film with a black lead, something studios seemed to forget for twenty years. Mahershala Ali has some really big shoes to fill, because even all these years later it’s hard to deny this trailblazing movie kicks major ass.

12. Guardians of the Galaxy

James Gunn’s first superhero outing to make the list is a triumphant tale of the most motley crew of A-holes you’ve ever seen coming together and learning to give a shit. This is found family at its finest, and it actually manages to utilize Chris Pratt well (something every non-Marvel action movie that hired him didn’t do).

11. The Dark Knight

This is the Citizen Kane off superhero movies in every sense. It’s a fantastic movie, incredibly influential, practically perfect with something for everyone… but it’s also treated like a gold standard for Batman stories despite its refusal to engage with comic book elements people love about Batman. There’s really not much I can say that’s bad about the film, especially not the performance of the late Heath Ledger, but I’m not gonna pretend this is the definitive Batman, either.

10. Batman: Under the Red Hood  

This might be one of the darkest, saddest Batman stories ever—and thus one of the best. It’s hard to believe the dude from Supernatural could make you shed a tear or two, but Jason Todd’s heartwrenching confrontation with Batman in the finale is nothing short of tragic in the best way. As far as animated Batman movies go, this one is hard to beat.

9. Avengers: Infinity War 

While this is still a massive crossover like its sequel, this feels like an actual movie as opposed to glorious fanservice and spectacle. It finally gives overarching villain Thanos his due, letting his story take the stage and giving Josh Brolin the chance to finally flex his skills. We get tons of fun team ups and character interactions, and it never really feels like anyone is completely shafted for time. And then there’s the ending, which is one of the most impressive downer endings ever seen. This is the MCU’s Empire Strikes Back, which is why it’s no surprise its sequel couldn’t quite measure up.

8. Batman Returns 

Burton’s second spin with the Dark Knight is better, bloodier, and battier than the original. The cast is absolutely stacked here, with Keaton’s Batman having to go up against Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman, Danny DeVito’s Penguin, and Christopher Walker’s Max Schreck, and everyone is killing it in their roles. And despite the grim plot, Burton still had the class to put in kamikaze penguins.

7. Spider-Man 

There’s a beautifully earnest corniness to Sam Raimi’s first Spider-Man movie. It’s so fun and goofy while still managing to interject a bit of drama into the proceedings, and most importantly Raimi’s style never feels smothered under executive mandate like a couple of his other superhero movies do.

6. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Gunn pulled out all the stops for his interstellar found family sequel. The soundtrack is leagues better than the first film’s (Fleetwood Mac is on it so this is a given), with the songs tying perfectly into every scene; the family aspect is played up for all it’s worth, with the importance of a family being something of choice explicitly highlighted; fan-favorite minor characters Yondu and Nebula get expanded roles, with the former getting one of the coolest scenes in the movie; and best of all, the film gets a truly compelling antagonist in Kurt Russell’s Ego, one of the best villains in the MCU. It’s going to be a tall order for Gunn to top this with his third run with the Guardians, that’s for sure.

5. Logan 

I don’t think it’s even close when it comes to X-Mem films; this is the best, no contest. Patrick Stewart and Hugh Jackman give the best performances of their characters ever for their big farewell, and newcomer Dafne Keen makes her mark as Logan’s daughter. It’s a modern day Western with superpowers, and it’s a shame that they couldn’t just let the franchise go out with this highest of high notes.

4. The Suicide Squad

The Guardians movies are fantastic and they definitely don’t feel like Gunn’s style is hampered entirely by the ratings of the films, but imagine what he could do without any restrictions. Well, when Gunn decided to soft reboot the much-maligned Suicide Squad, we didn’t have to imagine any longer; his Troma-pedigree is on full display here, mixed perfectly with the heartfelt elements that made his Guardians movies so good. There’s not a bad performance in the house, with Margot Robbie firmly establishing she IS Harley Quinn (if you still doubted) and John Cena doing so well he earned his own spinoff. Gunn simply revels in the comic book weirdness, the cartoonish gore, and the genuine emotions of this most dysfunctional of fire-forged friends. And this goes without saying, but the soundtrack rules.

3. Spider-Man 2 

Raimi wasn’t in the realm of messing around with this film. While it is rightfully lauded as one of the greatest action films ever, none of the fighting would matter if there wasn’t compelling drama at this film’s core. Peter’s trials and tribulations as he struggles to come to terms with what it means to be a real hero is every bit as important to this film as the epic battle on a train Spidey gets into with Doc Ock. This film has heart, it has soul, it has Alfred Molina’s tits… What more could you ask for?

2. The Batman 

I’ve never been happier to be wrong in my life than with this film. I expected it to be a grounded, gritty pseudo-Nolan film divorced from comic book fun and solely carried by Pattinson’s performance. What I got was a film that, while grounded, was not afraid to be a bit campy. Batman hang glides off a building in a goofy glider suit, Riddler makes Saw traps and his own personalized greeting cards, and Penguin is basically a living cartoon character. This is, quite simply, everything you could want from a live-action Batman movie.

1. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

What can I say about this movie that hasn’t already been said a million times before? This movie isn’t just proof animation deserves to be respected as an art form, it’s proof superhero movies do too. It is legitimately one of the most visually clever, well-written, funny, heartfelt, emotional, and fun films ever made, paying respect to the Raimi films (as it should) while still carving out its own identity. Miles may very well be the best Spider-Man ever, and his melancholy mentor Peter B. Parker has the trues essence of good ol’ Pete. Using Kingpin as a villain and making him the most huge and wide character possible was fantastic, and the different styles the other Spideys have is pretty unique. I have my gripes, sure, but this is still the best superhero movie ever as well as probably the best animated movie ever.

But hey, enough talking about good movies! Here are the worst superhero movies I could find. And I’m not talking so bad it’s good or just mediocre; Suicide Squad and Green Lantern are not on here for that very reason. I’m talking movies that, whatever qualities they might have, just can’t be redeemed.

The Bottom 10 Superhero Movies

10. Catwoman 

I think it’s sad this movie is so low on the list, but mostly because this is the oldest film on here. You mean to tell me that after they dropped this cat turd they just kept making awful superhero movies? This film wastes the talents of Halle Berry, is completely divorced from its source material, and rips off Ben Affleck’s Daredevil of all things and yet it’s somehow the least awful movie on this list? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

9. X-Men: Apocalypse

Look, I love Quicksilver’s run through the X-Men mansion as much as anyone, but it doesn’t change the fact this movie is filled with the worst aspects of the franchise cranked up to 11. It wastes a great actor playing an iconic villain by removing what makes that villain great, it’s so bloated with new characters barely anyone gets the screentime they deserve, characters are unceremoniously killed off and forgotten, Wolverine is shoehorned in for no reason, and worst of all we get a Scott/Jean romance again. Of course, the worst part is Jennifer Lawrence phoning in her performance while everyone else is at least trying to act. It’s sad to see so much promise wasted like this.

8. Iron Man 2

This film was dark foreshadowing of all the problems that would plague the MCU. It’s overstuffed, it’s full of cringeworthy humor, the villains are bland and underdeveloped (save for the GOAT Justin Hammer)… The film is trying to juggle way too much and it succeeds at far too little. At least it gave us the MCU debut of Don Cheadle and the aforementioned Hammer, or it’d definitely be higher.

7. Josstice League

In a vacuum, this is a campy, so bad it’s good superhero disaster. There’s actually a few good scenes the notorious Joss Whedon added in, too. But it’s hard to look at this as anything other than a despicable piece of garbage after the behind-the-scenes drama came out. The fact Whedon cut out or minimized the POC characters, the fact he kept in cringey rape and “falling into boob” jokes, the fact he seems to have went with the worst takes for many scenes that are way better in Snyder’s version… Even ignoring the infamous mustache debacle, this film reeks of deliberate sabotage and it makes one really consider that maybe it wasn’t the execs who were behind Age of Ultron’s myriad of problems. Maybe Whedon just sucks.

6. Thor: The Dark World 

The first Thor was an uneven first step for the character, but surely he could improve with a sequel, right? Wrong. This is the single most abysmal film in the MCU, with its generic doomsday villain and its obnoxious attempts at humor. It is no wonder literally everyone involved, from the stars to the director, hated working on this film. And hey, guess who did an uncredited rewrite on the movie? Joss Whedon. 

5. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

I think out of all the films on this list, this one has the most going for it. It has excellent casting for the two titular heroes, it has decent concepts for a plot, it even has some pretty good action scenes here and there. But none of that really makes up for how frustratingly stupid the actual plot is, the obnoxious shoehorned sequel bait, the idiotic actions the characters constantly take, and the pathetic and juvenile reimagining of Lex Luthor. Look, I’ve talked about this film so many times already, everyone has. This film, more than anything, makes me angry, because this should be the greatest comic book movie ever. Instead, it’s an uneven mess that has no idea how to handle the themes its trying to utilize.

4.  The Amazing Spider-Man 2

The first sequel didn’t inspire much confidence aside from the hints of a good performance from Andrew Garfield, but surely they couldn’t unleash upon us one of the most disastrous sequels imaginable? I’m all for bizarre comic book nonsense, but electric eels? Goblin blood disease? Dubstep superpowers? Long ago I came up with a term called the Sucker Punch Threshold, the point where an action movie just goes too over-the-top to suspend disbelief any longer. And this movie? It skips rope with that line. It at least has the decency to be hilariously bad, but it just feels like a really disrespectful waste of Garfield, Emma Stone, Jamie Foxx, and that guy from Chronicle.

3. The Killing Joke

What should have been one of the greatest Batman stories ever animated is instead one of the most disgusting, uncomfortable, and downright misogynistic pieces of animation you’ll ever see. The original book is already rather controversial for its treatment of Barbara Gordon, so this movie attempts to rectify this by giving her a narrative... except that narrative involves being obsessed with Batman to a ludicrous degree and ultimately having sex with him in one of the most revolting sequences DC has ever put out (and they had Elastigirl get a jar of Lex Luthor’s piss!). And that’s just in the first half; when we finally get to the story we’re actually here for, they manage to bungle it with some truly bad creative choices like the washed-out colors in the Joker backstory flashbacks and the practically explicit implication he raped Barbara after crippling her. Not even Mark Hamill and Kevin Conroy finally acting Alan Moore’s infamous story out is worth it after sitting through that abysmal first half.

2. Fantastic Four

What’s the best way to adapt the colorful and corny first family of Marvel? Why, by sucking all the joy out of them, of course! Say what you will about the Tim Story duology, but at least those films knew to have fun and charm to them. Hell, the unreleased 90s film may have the budget of whatever change the filmmakers found in their couch cushions, but it had its heart in the right place and if nothing else it got the characters. This film? Literally nothing is right. They turn Ben Grimm’s iconic catchphrase into a harbinger of abuse at the hands of his brother, for Christ’s sake! To say nothing about how this film handles Doom; somehow doing Doom worse than the Story films is quite the accomplishment, but this movie pulls it off. And while it’s dark in story, it’s also literally dark, with some of the worst lighting you will ever see in a comic book movie. Objectively speaking, I think this is probably the worst comic book movie ever made, because it totally misses the point of who it’s adapting (and it completely wastes Michael B. Jordan). But it’s only #2, and that’s because there’s one film that I think embodies everything wrong with superhero movies all at once. 

1. Wonder Woman 1984

The worst kind of sequel is one that makes you question if the original was even good at all, and sadly that’s what we have here. Patty Jenkins did a great job with the first film... or did she? Could she really have been capable of delivering the first genuinely good female-led superhero movie when she churned out this overly-long slog of a film where the main character pulls new powers out of her ass as the plot demands and which features our main character literally having sex with a man without consent? Gal Gadot brought Diana to life in the first film... or did she really? How could the woman who plays the character as a clueless simp who puts her need for a boyfriend above the fate of the world ever accomplish something like that? And then you add on the racist depictions of Arabs (something not helped by Gadot’s real life views on certain things in the Middle East), the embarrassing depiction of iconic Wondy villain Cheetah in a way that makes Idris Elba’s Macavity look dignified in comparison, the embarrassingly shoddy special effects that wouldn’t look out of place on SyFy, the numerous continuity issues between this and other DCEU films... About the sole bright spot here is Pedro Pascal as Maxwell Lord, but you can’t just cast Pedro Pascal to cover up how little effort every other aspect of your film has. This film is disgraceful, plain and simple, and Gadot and Jenkins should be ashamed of releasing this. Women deserve better superhero movies, and Wonder Woman deserves to be in better stories.

[theoutcastrogue]

Army of Thieves concept art by Leif Heanzo . Artist’s commentary:

RHEINGOLD: This is my artwork for the Netflix film Army of Thieves with Matthias Schweighöfer. Being a lockpicking fan myself, this movie was extremely interesting to me, because I was able to give a lot of input from the actual community. I'm really happy how this movie turned out even though the time I had to work on it was extremely limited. This was the very first concept for the movie and served as a main mood concept. Matthias was very eager to get the details right and his passion was tremendously contagious.

SAFECRACKER: Since we wanted to create an actual safecracking film we thought about many different ways to show the actual process. The original plan was to teach the viewer how a lock truely works, which turned out to be a little bit too ambitious. Still, a lot of authentic visuals made it into the movie. I'd love if it can spark some interest and people would want to learn how to lockpick. It is a very satisfying craft.

VALKYRIE: This was my initial design for the valkyrie safe door. It was supposed to have the entire story of the opera engraved into it. I learned so much about safes and safecracking during my research phase and I'm especially drawn towards the philosophical side of it. This is what I really enjoy about my job; becoming a weird kind of specialist within a very short amount of time.

[dianaatrevor]

What do you think of Snyder's original idea to kill off lois lane?

Hum, truly not a big fan of it. Lois dying and a scenario somehow based on the Injustice comics? Nope, not for me.  BUT, I would have given Zack the benefit of the doubt, because he’s already proven more than once that he loved these  characters. Plus, wasn’t there supposed to be an entire movie dedicated to bringing Lois back to life?

Not once has her importance been downplayed in MoS or BvS, so I have faith that Zack could have pulled it off ( the guy obviously likes to deconstruct the traditional tropes and I kind of feel like that’s what he was trying to do here. ). And I say that as someone who truly hates/despises/cannot stand the Injustice’verse.

It would have been nice to have some Lois/Diana interactions, though. And I would have loved to see WW fighting to protect her friend.

[ferdinandcham]

Justice League Review (Spoilers)

Disclaimer: I think Ben Affleck is a shitty actor and is up there on the stale list with Tom Cruise. Fight me.

DC has been my favorite since I was a little girl. I grew up reading the comics and loving the cartoons. Yadda yadda yadda. (Spoilers ahead, turn back now.)

So after the BEAUTY that was Wonder Woman, I was far more pumped for Justice League hoping that this would be a redemption arc for the DCEU.

Then came Jason and Ezra, and I started getting my hopes up even more. Could Gal, Jason, and Ezra save the DCEU from Ben Affleck? Could it ever truly recover from Green Lantern?

Then. Enter Joss Whedon. That’s when the true tragic downfall began. But I still held out hope and went to watch this movie. Because I had to support Gal and Jason.

I’ll start with saying something good and then ending with the bad. To create some balance because there ARE enjoyable parts of the movie.

• Gal Gadot was wonderful as usual. Patty wasn’t there to truly make her shine as she did in Wonder Woman, but she did her best as one of the only female characters in the entire movie after Joss mangled it. She was strong and was clearly acknowledged as the strongest one on the team. She wasn’t shy about using her clear advantage over the men to keep them in place either. (I wish she’d done more damage when she shoved Ben Affleck’s shitty Batman after his crass remarks.) Also Patty was probably foaming at the mouth at every ass and cleavage shot that the male directors plastered throughout the movie. Because I was furious. They scrapped an entire movie about Wonder Woman’s empowerment to create fake chemistry between Diana and Ben-Bruce and give nasty little boys their sexy scenes.

•Ezra Miller was a gem. He was the humor and it was very well timed. He played the socially awkward fanboy perfectly and he channeled how any normal person would react being put in a situation where he had to be the hero. He was witty and energetic and everything I love about the Flash. My only regret is that for some reason they never can capture how truly intelligent and fast Barry Allen is. It’s not just running or quick reflexes. His brain works at that same speed as well and they never really bring that to the plate with his live action portrayals.

•Jason Momoa. HOW ARE YOU DOIN. He’s such a versatile actor. He truly is. He plays snark well. He plays seriousness well. He plays lovers well. He’s just a magnificent man, both in personality, skill, and physique. He did well with what scenes he actually was allowed to keep and I enjoyed the parallel of him sitting on Diana’s rope and admitting he was afraid he was going to die as when Steve Trevor did it. I was really disappointed that we got almost no actual backstory for him or Cyborg.

•STEVE TREVOR IS GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN. I immensely enjoyed that Steve is still a large factor in Diana’s life. He was truly the love of her life and decades later, his influence over her is still strong.

I did NOT appreciate Ben Affleck’s Batman using Steve as a verbal slap against Diana every chance he got. To me, it wasn’t even a good plot point and if you wanted to use it as a motivator to push Diana into a leadership role, it should have been handled better. Frankly, anytime Ben-Bruce said something about Steve and taunted Diana with it, it seemed to come more from jealousy that Diana loved Steve and that there was no room for Bruce rather than from an attempt to motivate her into a leadership role. Steve Trevor did not die for Joss and Ben to use him as a sexist tool to manipulate and hurt Diana and create fake chemistry between her and Ben-Bruce.

(Before little fanboys come spouting shit about WonderBat, I’ve always been a Steve Trevor fan and the Wonder Woman movie solidified that. Plus MY Batman is far more respectful of others and is a GOOD person. He would never be that cruel and crass towards someone in pain. MY Batman is the one who got Harley Quinn a dress after she had a bad day. MY Batman adopted a billion children and was a good father. MY Batman wasn’t a dickfuck. Ben Affleck’s asshole, sexist, jealous portrayal is #notmybatman)

•Mera was gorgeous and badass. She faced off with Steppenwolf with no fear. But we got, like, MAYBE three minutes of screen time for her??? I want to write more about her but they didn’t even give me enough to go on. That was extremely disappointing. This was a heavily male driven movie. Joss cut most of Mera’s scenes, completely disregarded Iris West and cut her completely out of the movie, and cut half of Lois Lane’s scenes. So out of ten (Batman, Superman, Flash, Cyborg, Wonder Woman, Steppenwolf, Aquaman, Martha Kent, Lois Lane, Alfred) significant characters, only three (Martha, Lois, and Diana) were women and only one (Diana) had significant screen time.

•I reallllly want more Atlantis. Like just give me an Aquaman movie soon please.

•I’m not even a major Superman fan, but Lois and Clark are too cute to be legal and Zack Snyder is clearly their biggest fangirl. I really enjoyed that Lois Lane is considered a big gun and that she’s a force to be reckoned with. BUT WHY WOULD YOU CUT OUT THE RING SCENE. WHY JOSS. YOU FUCKHEAD. AND WAS CGI SHAVED FACE NECESSARY??!?!?

•Cyborg did not get enough development. He was finally portrayed as a funny guy towards the end, but all we got was angst and daddy issues. I wanted more. He is a large character that needed more development than what he got. Little disappointed that due to Iris being cut, Cyborg (POC) and Flash (Jewish) were the only established non-white people in the movie.

•Cyborg and Flash’s friendship was super adorable and I need more. I’m glad they established these two as the outcasts and the younger friends. So was the friendship between these two and Diana. So pure. So wholesome. Some of Diana’s best scenes were with these two and being a gentle and motherly-figure to them. It really showcased that Wonder Woman is a truly rounded wholesome character who is able to be the compassionate friend or the kickass warrior.

•Wally vs. Clark in every moment was great. 10/10 a great addition to the movie. Just wholesome. Whether it be a speed contest or a who can rescue more civilians contest. Pure. Wholesome. Lovely.

•Steppenwolf was stale. Like almost as stale as Ben-Bruce. Stale like old white bread. Just stale. There had to have been other villains to make the big bad. I don’t know. Just couldn’t really enjoy the lack of characterization.

•I enjoyed the hints about the Lantern Corps. Hopefully they can redeem themselves from the Green Lantern movie. That was just bad. I hope that the ring that flew back into space is Hal Jordan. Or better yet, John Stewart. Either way I’ll be happy though. Hal and Barry are super adorable together as besties.

•I really love Alfred. Alfred to me is what kept Bruce from being what Ben is portraying him as. But this Alfred? Not so much. Really disappointed that this Alfred is only concerned with trying to get Ben-Bruce’s dick inside Diana. Not impressed. Where is Michael Caine when you need him?

•I DESPISE Jesse whatshisname as Lex Luthor, but I’m very ready for the Legion of Doom. Although Deathstroke wasn’t really apart of it. But whatever. I’m excited to see Cheetah and Poison Ivy. Not so pumped for Gorilla Grodd but I’ll live. Maybe they won’t add him.

•I would really like to see more variety in gender and in color in the next movies. Iris needs to be back. They need more character development for the others. We’ve seen Batman vs. Superman and Man is Steel, and although I LOVE her, we’ve seen Wonder Woman. Can we get more focus on the newer characters to round them out? Or at least give them their own stand alone films sooner rather than later, and tie them to references from Justice League so it feels a bit more put together and less patchy.

•Also, bah Joss Whedon from any further involvement with any franchise that gives him the chance to fuck up female characters? He butchered Black Widow to give Hulk more characterization. And now he’s attempting to do so in this franchise. Enough is enough.

Hopefully the next DCEU movie improves on Justice League.