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esoteric-joke · 11 days

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Interview with Brooklyn_Babylon

(#Interview3)

Welcome to the next interview of the Dear Writer Project. This Sunday I’m here with Gina (twopoppies here on Tumblr). Thank you so much for participating and supporting my project. It was a pleasure to interview you.

Gina about her writing process, her inspirations and what she finds most challenging about writing:

What does your writing process look like?

Oh, you're going to call me out right from the get-go, huh? LOL! My writing process is that I am a complete pantser. I hate outlining and I'm not good at it (probably why I hate it). I generally get inspired by something visual and then build a story around that. The difficulty is that often, there's a concept, but there's no real story to tell. Or, I can't quite flesh it out enough to make it worth writing. But when something connects, I go bother India (indiaalphawhiskey on Tumblr) who is my beta/BFF/cheerleader and we'll talk through the story idea.

She's super helpful in terms of pushing me to think it through enough that I can write a very basic outline of what needs to happen to get from A to B. Then, I wing it. LOL!

What does writing mean to you?

From the time I was a kid, I've always been involved in doing something artistic--from fine art, to costume design, to writing, etc. I've just always needed some way to express myself, creatively. It took me a long time to get comfortable writing fiction because there are a few people in my family who are highly respected authors, and I felt I needed something of my own to sink my teeth into. But now that I've started, I realize how much I do love it (even when I hate it), and how much it allows me to dig deep into my own thoughts and emotions and be more self-aware. Beyond that, I think I'm at my most comfortable when I feel I'm helpful/supportive/nurturing. I used to write non-fiction that gave me that outlet. It's interesting that I can see those aspects in my fiction writing, as well.

Do you know before you start writing if an idea is going to become a oneshot or a longer fic?

I can generally tell if there's enough of a story to make it a chaptered fic. Sometimes the chapters just separate naturally.

Like, in An Invincible Summer, the story unfolded so that each chapter was a different month. But I had a basic idea of how I wanted the story to progress over that time period. I think, for the most part, I let the story dictate how it's going to flow.

You don’t write (or publish) as regularly as some other writers in the fandom. Why is that and would you like to write/publish more in the future?

Part of the reason is that I have a really busy life outside of the fandom (and writing). I also don't like to write just to fill up space. And I don't want to publish anything I don't think is the best I'm capable of at that moment.

On top of that, I'm just not one of those people who has a million stories in my head. I'm very visually stimulated and there are long periods of time where I just don't feel inspired. I also second-guess myself a lot and often end up shelving my WIPs. And... even when I'm inspired, I tend to write slowly. I like to take time to make sure I'm really saying what I want to say in the best way I can. I want to grow and challenge myself with each story I publish. I just don't see a point in doing it without that sort of intention.

On which of your stories did you write the longest?

I think An Invincible Summer probably took the longest. But it was also one of the easiest for me to write because the story just wrote itself in some ways. I had a much clearer picture from the start of how things were going to unfold. At the same time, there were moments that just happened as I wrote that ended up shifting the story from what I'd originally planned.

I recently went back and re-wrote that fic, adding another 10K to flesh it out better. I'm so much happier with it (even though I loved it before), but I haven't published the updated version on AO3. Not sure whether I will.

Which of your stories came together the fastest?

The first one (Whoever, However). But it's also only 9K. Harry dropped that Beauty Papers spread and my brain exploded. The story was all there. I think Hike Up Your Skirt was probably the next quickest (again, it's not terribly long), but that one I originally wrote for the Anonymous Unicorns collection so there was a lot of freedom in getting to write anything I wanted without fear of judgment. If I could only harness that, I'd be able to bang them out!

What fic of yours was the hardest to write?

I think Literally Making Love.

It was an unusual premise, in that it's about a robot and a human falling in love, but I really struggled with whether I should make it "more" than a love story. It felt like it deserved to be "more", or that it should have more about how AI changes the world and a conversation about loneliness and the way the world contributes to that. So I kept feeling like I wasn't going down the right path with what I was writing, but India reminded me that there's just as much value in a lighthearted story as there is in "serious" writing. We all know the joy of sinking into a comfort fic, or kicking our feet at something really sweet and happy. So I let Literally Making Love be what it wanted to be and I was ultimately super proud of it. And, in the end, I think I did a good job of dealing with the ethical issues, even though I didn't make that the center of the fic.

What inspires you most while writing?

Visuals to begin with. I tend to get inspired by photos or a piece of art. Sometimes song lyrics. But visuals keep me going so I make moodboards for myself and I find quotes or pictures on Tumblr that feel like they belong to the story. I think all of my fics have a link to an inspiration tag on my blog.

And then talking through things with India.

It's so helpful to have someone who gets what you're shooting for and who has the same sense of what makes for good writing. So I'll brainstorm with her when I'm stuck or give her sections to see if it's reading the way I want it to... It keeps me going.

I don't know how writers do it all by themselves. There are times when I've read something so many times that I can't even tell if it's any good. And I do the same for her... helping her get through her writing challenges or brainstorming her projects also makes me a better writer.

In the notes of Literally Making Love you mentioned a 9 month long writers block. What helped you out of it?

Truly it was just that piece of fan art I linked in the note at the start. I'd never seen that artist's work before and this drawing of Louis building an unfinished Harry ended up on my dash and I said, "Well, I'd read the hell out of that." Sadly, no one else was going to write it for me, so I had to do it myself.

While talking about this, I pointed out that I searched a few tags of this particular trope after I finished reading Literally Making Love and couldn’t find more than a handful of fics, which I was surprised by.

Gina thinks people are put off by the idea even if there are so many ways to handle it that could make for a beautiful story.

What do you find most challenging about writing?

I was about to say finding a title, but then I realized that I only had trouble with that in two of the five I wrote.

Hmm. Honestly, I think the most difficult thing for me to write are arguments/fights.

I tend to be really passive-aggressive when I argue, and that doesn't make for very good reading. So I really have to work at crafting a back-and-forth that feels natural but also packs enough of a punch for the scene to work. In An Invincible Summer, the argument scene was pretty pivotal, and one of my betas at the time made me re-write it three times before she signed off on it.

Is there anything you can tell me about future projects you’re planning?

I'm working on another historical fic at the moment. It's slow burn and longer than anything I've written before. So that's a challenge. It's set in the 1880s between the Belle Epoch debauchery and decadence of Paris, and Victorian London's rigid social structure and moral conservatism. Basically, Harry is a French ballet dancer turned sex worker/courtesan. Louis is a British aristocrat whose father has sent him off to Paris to get "the gay" out of his system before he has to marry. There are some twists and turns, and I'm having a lot of fun trying to keep things sexy and exciting for a modern reader while still being true to the time period.

I still don't have a title, and I'm still working on a brief description to sum it up. But... I'm about 60K in and I'm having fun.

When I told Gina that that sounds like you’d have to but lot of research into it, she said:

So much research! But I actually love that part. I get really into the nitty gritty and look up everything. For example, did you know the ice cream cone wasn't invented until 1896 (although not patented until 1903)? LOL! I had to change a scene I was writing because all of a sudden, I thought, "Did they have ice cream then? How did they keep it cold? How did they eat it?" I honestly hate reading something when little details are wrong. It totally pulls me out of a story.

For the next part of the interview, I asked Gina a few questions about her works in particular.

Gina about her favourite scene she wrote, her experience with writing before writing fanfics and being inspired by her own family’s history:

What work of yours is your personal favourite?

Hm. I think Literally Making Love is my favorite because it's the most unique concept, and I'm really proud of some of the writing in that one.

Hike Up Your Skirt is, I think, my most popular one. But that's not surprising because it's complete filth.

Do you have a favourite scene that you wrote?

There's a scene in Literally Making Love when they're walking the dog through the woods, and they're talking about the concept of being lonely, and Harry realizes he's the only one in the world who can understand anything he's experienced. I just really loved how that scene came together. To me it's very visual, and it's got that kind of poetic, dreamy feeling to it that I love to find in fics (and am forever trying to emulate, but I think that might be the only time I've succeeded so far).

I told Gina that this was a scene that definitely made me think about the concept of being all alone with an experience. Here’s what she said about that:

I like moments in a story that make you stop and think about more than just the story you're reading. I think these days, we can much more easily connect with others who can understand most of our experiences very deeply. Although, I imagine if you were the only highly advanced AI robot in the world, you might have some experiences no one else has had to grapple with.

Is there a work of yours that was planned to go completely different than it came out in the end?

There are definitely moments within the stories that I never planned on, and they changed some aspects of how the story ultimately came together.

For example, in An Invincible Summer, the idea for Harry to hold on to memories by getting a camera popped out of nowhere.

In Literally Making Love, the scene of Louis painting Harry's tattoos over his scars came in a dream and that meant I added the aspect of Harry's body dysmorphia. So, little things for sure.

Whoever, However was your first fic you published. Did you write in any form before that?

I did.

I wrote non-fiction for a bunch of magazines and online outlets. I've also ghostwritten three books.

Beyond that, no. Just lengthy blog posts about two gay boybanders.

What were your inspirations for gathered on wings?

There was a photo of Louis in some sort of haphazardly layered jackets and standing in front of these graffitied walls, and it had this caption, saying that he looked like a PhD candidate at the Sorbonne. That was how the idea started.

I had wanted to write a teacher/student fic without the creepy aspect of grooming and inappropriate conduct, and somehow my comment led to Harry having been his intern and them meeting again years later.

Then, the research on all the modern art and the high-end art world informed the rest of the story.

You didn’t go much into detail how successful Harry’s art got after ‘Comrade’ recommended his art for an exhibition at the Marlborough Gallery. Was that the push Harry’s work needed to get the attention it deserved?

It was.

He'd been relying on sugar daddies to pay his way and to give him the connections to patrons. But Comrade vouching for him opened the doors to him being able to do it independently. It's that feeling of, "If I could just get my foot in the door, I could show them what I can do."

That was his foot in the door.

Gathered on wings was my first attempt at writing a chaptered fic, and there was a huge learning curve. There are parts of it I really like and parts I sometimes want to go back and re-write.

Do you think Louis’ identity in gathered on wings always stayed hidden even after they got engaged (and eventually married)?

I like to imagine that as Harry became more widely known, people became interested in his partner. And Louis would then decide to reveal his identity with a new installation that they collaborated on.

Staying hidden when your partner is famous is probably a hard thing to do.

I think so. Especially if you're in the same field. In a way, it mirrors the idea of the two of them coming out at some point.

You said in the notes for An Invincible Summer that it’s inspired by your grandfather’s life. Was that your only inspiration for the story?

It's what set the scene. Other than that, I knew I wanted to write about writing and seeing yourself in a book or feeling understood by someone you never met but who's somehow written about you and your life. The concept of feeling really "seen" is something that shows up again and again for me.

You didn’t go into any detail about Harry’s relationship with his adoptive parents after he left at the end of An Invincible Summer, even though his mother tried to support him as much as she could when he had to leave. Do you think they held contact after Harry was forced to leave or if he/they even went back as a part of H & L’s adventures?

I think Harry managed to stay in touch with his mother secretly and to eventually reunite with his sisters.

When I rewrote the story, I changed the middle sister to a brother to show another way that Harry was treated differently. So I imagine Big Jim and the little brother digging their heels in and acting like he never existed. But Harry and Louis eventually had a beautiful and extensive found family.

The end of Hike Up your Skirt (And Show Your World To Me) is pretty much open. How do you think their relationship progressed and do you think they have a chance of having a normal (as in no power imbalance or manipulation) relationship?

Mmm. I actually started writing a second part from Harry's POV where you see that Harry is also playing a game to get Louis to fall for him. I see their relationship becoming a 24/7 Dom/Sub life. I think they're both way too kinky and maybe a little too depraved to have a "normal" relationship.

Are any of your original characters inspired by people you know in your day-to-day life?

No, actually. LOL! Very simple answer. They're all just figments of my imagination.

A lot of other writers in the fandom have difficulties or are just a little uncomfortable with writing smut. That doesn’t seem to be the case for you. Why’s that?

HAHAHAHA! No, I think it’s actually the easiest part for me to write. I’m not sure why. I don’t have a lot of hang ups around sex, so maybe that helps. And I love the idea of character development through intimate scenes.

How did you come up with the idea for your fic rec masterpost here on Tumblr and how did all of that start?

I think it just started because someone asked if I could recommend some fics in a particular category (If I remember correctly, it might have been dystopian fics). And I had too much time on my hands, so I decided to make a header and write little blurbs about why I liked each one I was suggesting.

Somehow that turned into a deluge of people asking for different things and, for whatever reason, I had the time at that moment. So I made rec after rec.

At some point it was annoying that people kept asking for the same things, so I just made an alphabetical masterpost.

Is there a specific trope or genre you’d like to read more of?

Oh, that's a good question. It's so much easier to tell you what I don't like.

Honestly, to me, it's really more about the writing than about the trope or genre. But I do really like a good enemies-to-lovers fic, and if you can write a new twist on a fake relationship, I'm all in.

Do you somehow track the fics you’ve read? And if you do, can you give me a rough number of how many you’ve read?

So, I only bookmark fics I've really loved. Obviously some I love more than others, but I currently have 655 fics bookmarked.

I've been reading in this fandom for 11 years. Some I won't have read all the way through, but counting those, I'm sure I've literally read thousands.

I've gone through periods where I've just got a lot more free time at one point or another. And when I entered the fandom in 2013 there were literally so many terrific fics I didn't know where to start.

And every time you turned around there was another. It was very addicting.

Are you reading anything right now? If not, what was the last thing you’ve read?

I have a hard time reading when I'm actively writing, so nothing really recent.

The last fic I read that I really liked was Danger I Can't Hide by CelticSky. It's actually a WWII fic but set on the airbase where H is a pilot and Louis is a mechanic. It's just so well written and so well researched. Highly recommend.

For the next part of the interview, Gina answered some personal questions about her experiences in the fandom.

Since when are you in the fandom and what made you become a fan?

Since November 2013.

I took my daughter (who was 6 at the time) to see This Is Us. Did a little research to make sure this boy band was appropriate for her and then fell in love with them. We ended up seeing the movie three times, then bought it and watched it at home. She was a Niall girl.

She was my concert buddy for a while. One Direction at the Rose Bowl in 2014 was her first concert.

The weirdest comment you got?

Oh, I get some doozies on Tumblr.

I think one of my favorites was from years ago when I used to do a lot of NSFW fan art. I got an anonymous message from someone claiming to be Harry's lawyer and they were demanding I delete all of my fan art of Harry. HAHAHAHA! Like an attorney would send an anon. Or even ask for something like that. I still laugh when I think about that one.

Harry or Louis?

It's very hard to choose because they're both amazing. I'm a Harry girl from way back. But I obviously love and support Louis, too.

Harry just really inspires me in so many ways. And his music is more my speed.

Your favourite Harry era and your favourite Louis era?

Oh, that's hard. I think Harry's recent era (Harry's House) might be my favorite because he seemed so happy and so self-assured and confident in who he is as a person. He looked fantastic too. Other eras are special to me because of what was going on with the fandom at the time, or because I liked the way he dressed or whatever, but in terms of just enjoying him, I'd have to say this last tour.

Louis is a little more difficult for me because I've had a really hard time with his image over this last tour and his doubling down on babygate. I'm very happy he says he's really happy and proud of his album/tour, but if I had to pick my favorite I feel like he looked the healthiest and most at ease during MITAM promo. Oh, he looked great during his Walls promo, too.

Your favourite movie with H?

My Policeman. It was a bit uneven, but he really blew me away in some of his scenes. He understood that character inside and out.

Your favourite writer(s) in the fandom?

I actually have so many that I like, although many aren’t in our fandom anymore.

It might be easier to link you to a Favorite Authors rec I made a while ago.

What are your absolute favourite fics in the fandom?

I’m going to make it easy on myself again and link you to a Favourite Fics rec.

Is there a fic that is not necessarily your favourite but still always kind of stuck in your head ?

There are fics that aren’t necessarily the most groundbreaking or complex, but something about them makes me keep coming back to re-read. Don't kill me, but... My Favorite Re-Reads.

I wanted to give you a favorite out of that list, but as I scrolled I was like, oh wait, that one! No, that one! So... sorry, you get them all.

What makes you want to stop reading something?

Hm. So many things, honestly.

Writing where people try too hard to be poetic, continuous spelling and grammar mistakes, miscommunication as the only tension, no tension at all, characterizations that make no sense to me, fics that go on and on and on with no attempt at editing, kid fics, etc. I really have very few squicks, but bad writing is hard for me to ignore (I know "bad" is subjective, so I hope no one takes offense at that... just because I don't like it doesn't mean others don't love it).

Your favourite song at the moment?

Chappell Roan is stuck in my head lately. So, I'll say Casual (although Pink Pony Club is a bop).

Your favourite season?

Fall. Absolutely. SO fucking sick of summer.

The most unusual thing that inspired you?

LOL! I'd have to say the Vintage "Sleaze" novel that inspired Hike Up Your Skirt. It was called "Horizontal Secretary".

Who would you most like to read an interview from?

Well, I'm obviously going to say India because I think she's a great writer. But she's also so well-spoken and interesting.

I'd love to read an interview with CelticSky because I loved Danger I Can't Hide so much and I don't know them since they're on Twitter!

Lastly I asked Gina to give every work of hers a colour. Here’s the outcome of that:

Whoever, However -- yellow

Whoever, However is yellow, because when I think about it, I picture the warm, yellow shade of the wood paneling of the room they filmed in.

gathered on wings -- blue

I’m not sure why gathered on wings is blue in my head. Maybe it’s just because that’s the main color of the mood board I made.

An Invincible Summer -- green

An Invincible Summer is green because the rural Georgia setting became one of the characters of the fic. When I think about it, I see the sprawling farm, the rampant kudzu, blueberry fields, lunch under the oak trees… it just feels green to me.

Literally Making Love -- red

Literally Making Love is red because so much of the story is about what it means to be human and even though Harry’s heart isn’t “real” at some point he says to Louis, “Sometimes I feel like you made my heart too small because it doesn’t hold everything I feel for you. I feel it overflowing everywhere.” Or, maybe it’s because it has “Love” in the title. LOL!

Hike Up Your Skirt (And Show Your World To Me) -- purple

I don’t know. The first thought that came to me was purple because I pictured Harry’s character with love bite bruises.

A huge thank you to Gina again. Thank you for being so open and honest while answering my questions. I had the best time talking to you and was so invested in every work of yours.

#ao3 #ao3 author #author interview #dearwriterproject #fanfic #fanfiction #harry styles #larry fic #larry stylinson #louis tomlinson

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veersnz · 3 months

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News of a new Beginning

I am beyond exhausted right now but I wanted at least try and write something tonight. And where do I even begin… I’m overwhelmed by emotions right now, good ones I promise.

As today marks the day I finally graduated high-school. And some may wonder; « but Veer, you’re 22, how come you’re only graduating now ? »

The story is a little complicated but yes, I did start high-school just like everyone else my age over 8 years ago. 8 years ago was also when I started my recovery journey, and as with any journey, nothing is ever goes smoothly and to fulfill it I had to drop out of school. I tried my best over the years to go back and finish my education but I faced many challenges that made it nearly impossible. I managed to finish two of the three years of high-school over a period of 7 years between many hospital stays and periods of great difficulties. In my heart I knew I was getting too old to go back to high school, the gap between me and my peers was widening each year and with it grew the fear of going back, of feeling out of place, alone and crushed by the weight of my own expectations. I was raised believing my academic achievements made my worth and I’m sure many will relate to that, this fear of never being enough. So I almost made peace with never having the future I wished for. But truthfully, this future I had imagined for myself wasn’t mine, it was someone else’s dream. And I was left stranded on the shores of those wishes, not having the faintest idea of what my life would become. And I almost made peace with that.

I clung to those realizations until last September when I enrolled in this special needs school far away from my home. One last time, I thought, one more chance. I didn’t know what I wanted to do after that, if I even managed to stay until the end. But it didn’t matter, my family believed in me, so did my therapist and my friends, even after so many failed attempts they kept their faith intact. And this love, I think that’s what helped me make the decision.

So I took that leap of faith, got a small room and started living on my own for the first time while pursuing my education. I would lie if I said it was an easy ordeal, many obstacles came in my way and I almost gave up, many times. But with the help of my family, friends and the incredible people I met at this school I persevered. I am very aware of the incredible luck I had that September of 2023, being surrounded by so many loving and caring people. I couldn’t be more grateful. And you all count to, it may seem silly because this is « just a kink community » but I’ve met so many brave souls, incredible people and so much love even from afar. Having this positive presence in my life has brought me strength and respite sometimes from the outside world, even just for a moment sometimes. And for that I am eternally grateful.

And so after 11 months I am graduating with the highest honors and finally putting an end to this journey of 8 years. Of course the path to recovery will continue on, but I am turning to a new page of my life’s story and I couldn’t be happier and grateful. I’m still probably in shock and the realization will settle over me in the next few days. But today, today I know that I’ve reclaimed my future.

I know there will be many more challenges, uncertainty and pain to face but tonight I am basking in the happiness of having accomplished something my past self could only dream about. And I hope the parts of myself I left behind are proud of me.

Thank you ❤️

#This is very emotional and I will probably cringe tomorrow #but I wrote this with only happiness and gratefulness in my heart #so I think it will be okay #I think of all my friends who couldn't graduate #I did it for myself but also for them #and for my past self who doubted so much #not snz

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drdemonprince · 3 months

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Heyyo - autist here who’s still figuring out my physical and emotional needs. I use weed every day, and part of me has shame around this (as I am a “professional” and supposedly it’s “bad for you”, and it costs money) and the other part of me says “fuck it, there’s no moral value in not using drugs and you should do what you need to”. I guess I’m wondering what perspectives you can offer on this. I’m ruminating on it a bit lately and need some outside people to share their thoughts to get me out of that cycle. Thnx

I find that I am a lot more in tune with my bodily sensations and emotions when I am high, and that I find it easier to enjoy things and to chat amiably with random people when I'm high too. It makes life easier and more pleasant to such an extent that I wonder if I ought to smoke weed daily to medicate all my Problems and Difficulties and general irritation at of most aspects of existence. But then I don't. Because I get freaked out by the brain foggy weed hangover that drifts into the next day, and I assume that it will be bad for my writing to be high, and perhaps most of all, because I am terrified of building up a really high weed tolerance and then needing to use a ton to feel anything, or to even return to a baseline.

A couple years back I tried out vaping almost nightly for a few months, and it definitely reached a point where simply *not* being high felt like being anxious, it seemed, so I decided pretty quickly to reduce my weed intake. I don't like NEEDING any substance to function or to just feel okay. so for now I keep it to the weekends. I often think of using weed more often than that, and kind of want to, but i don't.

The research on chronic long-term weed use is quite encouraging! There are no cognitive or motivational downsides to using weed every day, or even multiple times per day. Conversely, there are many emotional and psychological benefits. @testdevice and I discussed the latest scientific research on the subject at length here:

youtube

There's really only one rub to the study's findings: people who use weed multiple times per day have a baseline lower mood than people who use weed frequently, but not quite that often. NOW THIS IS NOT A CAUSAL RELATIONSHIP. Chronic heavy weed use is not CAUSING people to be more depressed -- it simply seems to be the case that people who are chronically depressed are reaching more frequently for weed to cope with it.

The study shows weed use does raise mood including for members of that group, so there really is no serious drawback to using marijuana here!

But It does align with a finding that I've made in my personal life: the moments when I want to use weed the most frequently are when something in my life is completely out of wack. When I'm super overworked and stressed out, the temptation is to use weed as a way to down-regulate my anxiety, but what actually works far better for me is taking actual steps to reduce stress in my life. I COULD use weed for depression or for failing to find life activities enjoyable, and it works, but it's also worth asking myself which aspects of my life need to change so that I can feel less depressed and get through the day feeling okay. negative emotions are a signal that something in life is going wrong and needs to be fixed, and I do not want to ignore that alarm system.

Those are just some things to think about. Personally, I think that if you have some ability to make choices in your life that can improve your general circumstances, it's better to do that than to use weed to make a life that sucks a little more tolerable. But if daily weed use is helping make your life better or less hard, the weed itself is not the problem!

Lots of people determine that daily weed use has considerable benefits for them with relatively few costs. For me, using a couple times per week is what hits that sweet spot. but ymmv.

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lawgrain · 1 month

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Hiii Lawgrain!! Whether you see this or not, I just have to tell you that I and many others really appreciate Spiteful and that you're still working on it even after 3 years hiatus. It makes me so happy to hear that you haven’t given up, because the story has never left me. You've rewritten Bakugou and Midoryia's dynamic in a way I've never seen before, and even now, I still dream up new scenarios for what might happen next, and I know that none of them will be as good as whatever you come up with.

Only you can decide what is best for the story. You said that you just don't like everything you write, and I’m sure it doesn’t help when you read hateful comments, but I feel the complete opposite. I love everything you write. I'd read your grocery list. And I just know that there are more like me hiding in the shadows. I'll enjoy whatever comes out of your glorious head, however long it takes.

I know you're burnt out, but whenever you feel like writing again, I'll cheer you on. I have so much respect for remarkable people like you who can write entire fanfics. I’ve never been able to develop a style of writing fiction that works for me (I do journalism instead) since the words never convey the pictures in my head, which is part of why Spiteful means so much to me. It started out as almost precisely the fanfic I wanted to write, and then it became so much greater.

P.S. I will now be sending a separate ask containing some of the things I love about Spiteful.

AHH, Wonderful Commenter! <3 I read your asks out of order but love them both the same ^_^ I've recently started writing some original stories and am trying to like my writing again. I refuse to cut off a return to Spiteful. Also as just a comment to you, your way of communicating is very beautiful and kind in spirit. The whole reason I began writing was because I wanted to read what I had in my head and I get how frustrating it is to not be able to convey it. I respect the choice of journalism, it's a wonderful choice! Just as you've done for me just now, I encourage writing anything you want. Also, though this might be hypocritical of me, I think sometimes it's worth it even if you don't know or always like your writing voice. My least favorite chapter is always the first chapter. Whenever I look back at them, I remember the struggle and difficulties of making sure it's a tone I like. I'm not sure it always is but it sometimes turns into what I want the further I go. That said, I like the voice I've seen from you and thank you for the lovely asks!

#asks #fanfiction

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moriohradiojanitorroom · 7 months

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Hi, I stumbled across your blog and I'm really excited to try the match-up✨

Sorry if I write anything wrong, this is my first experience

I have always been told I am a very kind, caring and compassionate person. I think this is true, I always try to help people around me. I am also very optimistic and always try to think of the best. I am still a very shy, insecure and irascible person, but my bad moods pass quickly. If this helps you I am pisces and infp

Speaking of hobbies I really love my favorite manga and anime and cooking. Although some of my recipes sound suspicious but the dishes turn out really delicious. I can't imagine my life without music, I listen to it all the time. I think it's a bit funny, but I do know a lot of facts from many different fields

Oh, I'm afraid I've written too much. If something is unclear then please apologize, English is not my native language. Anyway thanks and good luck, looking forward to your reply💐

Hi there!!! Thanks so much for this request, I was really excited to fulfill it! And don’t worry about too much info or anything like that, this is great! This is also my first time writing a matchup so I hope it’s alright dkdnjsmd You didn’t specify an age or any preferences, so I’m gonna give you a canonically adult character & assume you don’t have a preference for other stuff, like gender or what part they’re from - if you’d like to resubmit with that in mind tho, that’s okay!

With all that in mind, here are some honourable mentions:

Noriaki Kakyoin was the first to come to mind when I read your request, but with the age thing in consideration, I decided to choose someone else.

After that, I considered Jonathan Joestar, Erina Pendleton, and Mohammad Avdol! Ultimately, though, I ended up choosing:

Robert E.O. Speedwagon!

Your positivity and kindness hooked the man in faster than he could even blink - we all know exactly how loyal he is and how quickly he can tell who deserves that loyalty. It only took him a few minutes to read that you’re one of those people.

He’s also pretty intrigued by how much you know. He likes to exchange little bits of knowledge and stories with you, especially after he’s done some travelling and has a wider expanse of knowledge. Even before that, though, he always keeps your words in mind - who knows, one day one of those facts might just save a life!

He also very well understands the difficulties of insecurity and hotheadedness, having faced them himself. He does his best to keep you grounded, and encourages you to leave your comfort zone now and then - it’s key to growth, after all - but he knows when to back off. He can be a little stubborn, especially if he’s enthusiastic, but in the end your comfort matters more. If you’d rather stay at home with him than go out and dance or something, that’s fine by him. Hell, with all the travelling he does, he may actually grow to prefer that more relaxed atmosphere.

On that topic, Speedwagon’s pretty good at reading people’s moods and actions. On top of knowing when he needs to let you chill, he also knows if/when he should make somebody else do the same. If he sees something or someone bothering you, he’s quick to swoop in and do whatever he can to settle the situation, whether that’s just to comfort some insecurities or get a particularly annoying person to back off. If he knows that you can handle it, though, he’ll take a backseat and play cheerleader. In fact, it makes him proud to see it.

Also, this man grew up on the most dangerous street in London. He’s no stranger to meals with some odd ingredients, and frankly, he’ll be even happier to learn how good they taste! He’s not the best cook himself, he’s the type of man who uses whatever he has on hand to try scraping together something reasonable, so a good meal will go straight to his heart.

For the sake of anime and manga, I’m gonna go ahead and pretend we’re a little more modern day for the next few. I feel like Speedwagon is more of a reading guy than a television guy. After a long day, he’ll to sit down and read with you, manga or not. He’ll watch a show too if you ask, but there’s something quite romantic about cuddling up and sharing a book that he feels can’t be matched by much else.

On that note, please forgive him ahead of time - if you do get him to sit down and watch your favourite shows, he will have a lot of commentary. He’s the type of guy who will interrupt a scene to enthusiastically declare something like, “So THAT’S why the bugger carries that chain around!”, or confoundedly question what a character thinks they’re doing. He’ll probably do this while reading too, just maybe not as often. He’s not trying to interrupt, he just gets excited - if you tell him to settle down, he’ll do his best to accommodate, but he might slip from time to time.

Also, (and this is another one of those modern day ones) depending on your music taste, he may or may not buy vinyls or discs of your favourite bands and try to get you to dance with him to them. He’ll probably suggest a concert at least once - something tells me that he’s the type to prefer live music.

Knowing that you’re passionate about something makes him passionate, too. He’ll try his best to look into your interests on his own time, and try to involve you in whatever he finds - maybe he asks an older lady he knows for interesting recipes to show you, or he scours a book store for a series he hasn’t heard you talk about yet. He’s doing his best to match your love for these things, even if they’re sometimes new to him.

Your bright outlook on life, your compassion, your love for the things you enjoy - they’re all astoundingly inspirational to this man. He may sometimes worry that you deserve better than an Ogre Street ex-thief, but by god, will he use all the motivation you give him to make a good life for you.

Okay - I think I might have rambled a bit there, but yeah, thank you so much for the request!! It’s the first one I’ve gotten anyways so I hope you’ll forgive all the babbling jehdjjfs

This was a ton of fun to write, and I hope that you’re happy with it!

#anonymous #matchups #jjba x reader #speedwagon x reader #robert e.o. speedwagon #thank you so much for sending in a submission!#Ik I kind of fell into writing headcanons too but I couldn’t help myself #just felt right #believe it or not I actually tried to trim this version bc it was too long originally LOL-#okay yes thank you again! Enjoy!

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northern-passage · 11 months

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Hello! I have a few questions as someone who takes great inspiration from brilliant works of interaction fiction and similar methods of storytelling. I hope you don’t mind me asking!

1. If there something that draws you to the current format of interactive fiction storytelling rather than something such as a visual novel? Do you enjoy it more, is it less costly, easier for you, etc…?

2. What are some of the most prevalent difficulties in writing within the medium?

3. What do you wish you knew before you began writing interactive fiction?

Keep up the incredible work, I always love seeing what you post and create <3

ohhh these are fun questions :-) thank you!

question 1: i actually tried to do a visual novel first! but it is a LOT of work. i managed to do some sprites and a few backgrounds before i gave up. if i was to try and do it again i'd have to pay another artist to join me which just isn't feasible for me right now. i suppose the things i like about IF could be applied to VNs too, but i like what interactive fiction adds to whatever narrative you're trying to tell. the medium itself is a part of the story, if that makes sense. it can't exist without the main character who can't exist without a player to guide them. i like giving the player choices & i like taking them away. i like how vast the genre is, and i like seeing how other people use the mechanics and code to pull off some really interesting & unique stories.

question 2: hmmm i think what gets hard for me is just fatigue... when you write big branching narratives, you have to write a lot of tedious shit, hahaha. like currently with blood choke i've been working on the same conversation for about 3 weeks. there are dozens of variations of it, depending on who the mc is, what choices they've made, and how the other character feels about them, and whether or not the mc went with her or went with someone else means the conversation has to be shuffled around elsewhere in the chapter, and it's all extremely extremely tedious. it feels like you're writing so much, but it's literally just one conversation, one scene in the entire chapter. but you have to write it about 20 times. so it's easy in IF to run out of steam very quickly. i definitely think that's what happened with me with tnp, i hit a huge block after writing all of the combat variations in ch2, i was just so exhausted & knowing that i would have to write even more complex scenes at the end of the chapter accounting for all of it was very demoralizing. BUT i feel like my long break has helped quite a bit and i am excited to get back into tnp next month 😈

question 3: this one is tough... i'm not really sure, to be honest. i've been here for a while now and i feel pretty comfortable for the most part. i was a reader & a lurker before i started writing so i got to see a lot of the way other readers treat writers before i became one, which was helpful for me. i think if i could go back i'd tell myself that this was going to be a way bigger project than i anticipated. and also tell myself that this is my hobby and i should be having fun, not stressing or worrying about making money or pleasing other people. of course i want people to like my work and i appreciate their support, but that shouldn’t be the only reason why i'm writing… i’m writing because i want to.

#thanks again :-)#ask #anonymous

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acertainmoshke · 1 year

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Meet the Author (revised)

My name is Moshke Palmoni. I also plan to publish children’s books under Lior Eisen, but I mainly go by Moshke. I use they/them pronouns and when I’m not writing I love to read, knit, snuggle my weirdo cat, or work on home projects to fix my 100-year-old house that the previous owners made some interesting choices for. I also have a day job that I am very passionate about but will not talk about here because I don’t want to mix my writing with my professional life. None of my projects are published yet but I’m getting there.

Active WIPs

(let me know if you want to be added to any taglists!)

General tag list: @ blind-the-winds

To Die Among the Stars

In the future, 20 people are sent into space on a second test of an FTL drive, aiming for a habitable planet. The first test was a disaster, so this time they’re more careful—the volunteers are only needed for data on how humans fare at faster than light speeds, so they are selected from prisons and “mental wellness centers” and areas where people would agree to a suicide mission for the promise of feeding their families. No one expects them to live, just to provide enough data to improve the next test. Told from 4 POVs: Pixel, a semiverbal black market modder; Ri, who has so many illicit mods embedded in his body he can no longer experience the world the way most people do; Zippy, a young disabled woman desperate to support her family; and Peppermint, a genetic experiment combining human and cat DNA raised in a lab with only a sentient android for company. Despite all expectations, the group bands together for survival.

Taglist: @ hd-literature

A Tangled Knot of Gold

Technically the 3rd Legends of Halara book, but the first one was not cooperating so here we are. Tlapil is the cousin of the heir to the throne, Soter, who is also the only person who treats her like a person because she is semi-verbal with unusual body language and interests. Her main useful skill seems to be mapmaking, but when the kingdom needs unusual solutions she’s ready to help—along with her only other friend, who happens to be a slime. Having proven herself, she holds a respectable position as advisor to her cousin, but when tragedy threatens to tear apart the entire kingdom it might be up to her to find a way to hold it together.

Halaran cultural genders explained here, and non-human genders here. Explanation of the religious system here.

Fae and Brownie

10-year-old Fae Grant is autistic and ataxic and struggles in school, socially and with meeting expectations. Right after she meets the new boy, Brownie, a meltdown leads to a week’s suspension just as her aunt moves in with her family. Fae’s adventures over that week lead her to a new best friend, realizations about accommodating her communication difficulties, and new acceptance of being who she is.

Backburnered WIPs under the cut

Cold Iron

Shakatra Zoawin has been alive for 107 years, but they are only 33 old. They are one of the few Fae changelings able to survive to adulthood in our world—they age slowly, their magic is more powerful than any human sorcerer, and they have a particular knack for glamour. All they’ve ever wanted was to be left alone on the fringes of society with their brother Kris, also a changeling. But now, on top of raising their teenage stepson and the age-frozen human child they replaced, they might be the only one with both the Fae-aligned skills to protect humanity and the remotest inclination to do that.

Time to Kill (working title)

Esther Dahan is part of one of the first teams ever sanctioned to use time travel technology. Against all historical odds, they aren’t cops or soldiers—they’re anthropologists. Her team specializes in Jewish history specifically, and as tough as it is to leave her young daughter behind for long stretches the team is like her family as they get to truly experience what life was once like, always careful not to change anything (the butterfly effect having been disproven, they must still not share too much information or come in contact with major figures). And yet, something is off. In more and more time periods, they find suspicious activity. But they can never quite get enough proof to convince anyone why this matters—why they should believe that these scientists found the first known rogue travelers. It’s not until trying to solve the mystery on their own leads to Esther’s life being torn apart that they’re taken seriously, and even then her team might be the only ones capable of finding out the truth and stopping something even worse.

Falling Petals (working title)

A story of 3 generations of autistic people before any of them would have been diagnosed, loosely based on the life experiences of my family during different times. Also about relationships and imperfect love. Ira Katz was born in 1913, the only child of slightly older Russian Jewish immigrant parents. He grew up in California and lived a fairly normal life, except that he wasn’t normal. He was very charming, but didn’t understand why mean jokes or blunt truths weren’t appreciated. He assumed everyone was as interested in his niche interests as he was and despite loving the beauty in the world and the people around him felt unable to connect with any of them. He would grow up to marry a girl he knew from synagogue named Joy and have 4 children, whom he loved from a distance and teased with a brilliant and oblivious cruelty. He inherited his father’s drug store, which he enjoyed because his scripted charm worked best on strangers.

Ira’s second child, Daniel, born in 1939, was also odd. He was very sensitive for a boy and called annoying for his awkward attempts at friendship. Eventually he channeled his sensory pain and constant overwhelm from tears to anger. He practiced on his own until he spoke like a professional adult, scripting replies that sounded like a real conversation. Adults loved him while other young people shunned him and his brother and father mocked him. He went to college and became an architect because it was more manly than being a librarian like he’d wanted, and while in school he met a high school teacher named Frances, who he married and had twins with. Daniel was determined not to mock his children and to spend time with them, which he did—but he also hid his pain and emotions until they exploded out in uncontrollable anger and struggled to deal with any noise or rule breaking. His drive to be successful managed to drown out everything else and sucked up all his energy.

One of Daniel’s two daughters, Shoshana, born in 1961, was also odd but in an opposite sort of way. Where Daniel had always seemed mature and professional even when unnecessary, Shoshana seemed childlike far longer than her sister. She continued to play with her dolls and make patterns with her marbles after other girls started whispering about boys. She froze up when she didn’t know the right social response and just wouldn’t respond. She broke down in tears when overwhelmed and was terrified of crowds. She felt like an utter failure despite being an avid reader with a good memory. She didn’t go to college or get married. She tried and failed to live on her own in her 20s. She felt unloveable. And then her sister had a child, Naomi, a child Shoshana saw her own life in, and suddenly she wanted to show her little niece how one could be happy and also different and what it actually meant to succeed. Which required her to figure that out herself first and notice her own strengths.

Eachw part is told from their own perspective and with compassion for their experiences. Everyone does the best they can and the goal is to show unhealthy coping mechanisms without denouncing anyone as a villain.

#Moshke writes #Writeblr #writeblr intro

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nedjemetsenen · 1 year

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Facts, Tutankhamen, and ChatGPT

So I’ve seen a couple people talk about how ChatGPT often gives inaccurate or incomplete answers to questions about historical stuff and I am a curious person by nature, so I went and asked it to tell me how King Tutankhamen died. This is what happened next along with commentary from me about the accuracy of this stuff! Please feel free to fact-check me on any of it! Egyptology is my hobby, not my profession. Also note that I did remove ChatGPT bits that didn’t actually give facts and were more general statements like “The mystery surrounding King Tut's death continues to captivate historians and Egyptologists”

Me: Give me a 200 word summary of how king tut died King Tutankhamun, popularly known as King Tut, was an ancient Egyptian pharaoh who ruled during the 14th century BCE. While the exact cause of his demise is not conclusively determined, several theories exist. The most widely accepted theory suggests that King Tut died from complications resulting from a combination of factors. Recent scientific investigations, including CT scans and genetic analysis of his mummified remains, suggest that he suffered from a number of health issues, including a severe leg fracture that may have become infected. Additionally, genetic evidence indicates that Tut had a cleft palate and a clubfoot, which may have contributed to his physical difficulties. Furthermore, some researchers propose that Tutankhamun's weakened immune system, possibly due to genetic disorders resulting from generations of inbreeding among Egyptian royalty, made him more susceptible to infections. Some even suggest that malaria may have played a role in his demise, as traces of the disease were found in his DNA.

This is somewhat accurate? The broken leg and malaria are real and there is a theory that malaria caused or contributed to his death. Tutankhamun was also the product of generational incest, leading to a lot of health issue. However, reading this, you’d probably think he just got sick and died, but that is NOT the ‘most widely accepted theory’. I don’t actually know if one of those exists as of the time when I’m writing this (June 2023). You see, this explanation is missing some vital data. Let’s see if we can get Chat GPT to add it!

Me: I thought that his death was violent? I apologize for any confusion. While there have been speculations about a violent death for King Tut, the current scientific consensus leans more towards a non-violent cause. The examination of his mummified remains did not reveal any obvious signs of violence or trauma. However, it is important to note that some alternative theories exist. One hypothesis suggests that King Tutankhamun was murdered, possibly by a blow to the head. This theory is based on an X-ray taken in the 1960s that showed a fragment in Tut's skull. However, subsequent examinations and CT scans have cast doubt on this theory, as the fragment is now believed to be a result of the mummification process rather than a fatal injury. While the evidence does not strongly support the notion of a violent death, the possibility of foul play cannot be entirely ruled out.

The bit about the murder theory is accurate. That was a popular theory, but I’m not sure if the lack of a pre- or peri-mortem head injury actually quashed the theory. All it did prove that a blow to the head wasn’t the way that he died. There are still facts that support the idea that something fishy was going on in Egypt around the time of his death and Tutankhamun was the son of a hated king. Read up on Tutankhamun’s widow, Ankhesenamun, if you want to know more. Her Wikipedia page is a pretty good summary of the basics.

That’s not the fun part of this answer, though. The fun part is the bit about there not being "any obvious signs of violence or trauma." To show why that's the fun part, here’s the next bit of my conversation with ChatGPT:

Me: What about his broken ribs? I apologize for any confusion in my previous responses. While there is no consensus on the exact cause of King Tut's death, recent studies have indeed suggested the presence of a significant injury, specifically broken ribs, which may have played a role in his demise. In 2014, a team of researchers conducted a thorough examination of King Tut's mummified remains using CT scans. The scans revealed that Tutankhamun had a fractured rib on the right side of his chest. The break appeared to have occurred shortly before his death. However, the scans did not provide definitive evidence as to whether the injury was a result of an accident or inflicted intentionally. Based on this finding, some experts propose that the broken rib could have been a contributing factor to King Tut's death. It is speculated that the injury may have caused internal bleeding, which, in combination with other health issues he was facing, could have led to complications and ultimately his demise. Nonetheless, the precise circumstances surrounding the injury remain a matter of speculation, and it is difficult to draw definitive conclusions about the specific events leading up to his death.

No obvious signs of violence or trauma, huh?

This reply is accurate, by the way. They did find that Tutankhamun has broken ribs and some people have theorized that he fell from a chariot while on a military campaign or that he got attacked by a hippo (a thing that did happen in ancient Egypt). Oddities about his mummy, which was very much an amateur job, give credence to the idea of a violent or at least odd death. If you want to know more, National Geographic’s documentary Tut’s Treasures: Hidden Secrets is a great, though slightly over-dramatic, watch (It’s on Disney+ and can probably be found elsewhere, too). For something that isn’t behind a paywall, here’s a 25-minute podcast from Youtube, which was also done by National Geographic.

The History of Egypt podcast also has hours of recent content about Tutankhamun because November 2022 marked the 100-year anniversary of the discovery of his tomb.

Thanks for reading. Hopefully you learned a bit about Egypt’s most famous Pharaoh and grew a bit more wary of Chat GPT. For full disclosure, I did ask it more questions and the results were hilariously wrong, but they include things about child loss, so I left them off this post.

#egyptology #chatgpt #making fun of the autocomplete robot #tutankhamun

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ilguna · 10 months

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hey babe!! i hope you’re feeling much better than you were a few days ago! (your sickness was passed to me through the phone because i haven’t been able to get out of bed to do anything other than use the restroom, shower, and eat)

but!! i have a small (?) question to ask you. how do you easily write and post a fic??? i’ve gotten quite a few requests, and they’re all very lovely but once i go to write them my mind goes completely blank. like, when i read the request i have so many ideas on how i want it to go, but when i start to write it i just feel bored and end up going to do something else. i really really want to write because i love writing and i used to do it all the time when i was a little bit younger, but now i hardly can anymore :(

i’m thinking about making or reblogging prompt lists, because hopefully that’ll help me put out SOMETHING even if it’s short. but i don’t want to get my hopes up, then lose motivation right after, and it be all for nothing. (it might also be the fact that i’m scared no one will like what i put out and not want to request anything from me again🧍🏻) i know you might not be able to help, but if you are i would really appreciate it! if you can’t, no worries and no hard feelings at all. love ya and stay safe!! xxx

- 🪷

hey!! i am feeling SO much better than i did. and i’m sorry!! i hope you have a speedy recovery too!!

i’m putting a cut cause there’s gonna be a lot of pictures as i explain MY PROCESS, because maybe you’ll be able to pick out some things you’d like to try, because i struggle with the same stuff.

as for your question, this might be a little long. i want to start by saying that it might appear that i’m able to easily write, but the truth is that i also have difficulty starting fics and that’s what fucks me up most of the time.

however!! here’s what i do: i write out what i want to happen. just a couple paragraphs (or more!!) of the idea/general goal/scenes that i come up with that MUST make it. i’ve especially been doing this when it comes to the 3k celebration asks because it helps me to have fics lined up so i can just pick up the next one without worrying what im going to do next.

and i do this either on paper (i have a notebook dedicated to it) or on my phone, which is what i’ve been doing recently. so i just screenshot the ask, put it in my notes app and write down my idea so it turns out what i have below:

the part that i really struggle with is starting the fic, which is why i believe we must be in the same boat. i think that it’s easier to write when i don’t have the pressure of forgetting the idea, because i do have a lot going on and i’d hate for it to escape my mind.

but i have learned some ways to cheat starting the fics. (it’s not really cheating, just basic writing nonsense) and i always have a slow start at the beginning of fics cause idk how to write it without feeling repetitive. so i have a few formulas for that

the following are going to be all examples of how i’ve started my fics:

so either i set up the setting.

i start with an action.

i IMMEDIATELY begin to monologue.

or i start with dialogue.

and sometimes these don’t even work. i can’t tell you the amount of times i’ve started to write a paragraph in google doc, liked where it was going but not how it was phrased, so i pressed enter a couple times and started from scratch while referencing the original paragraph. and i do this SO MUCH that it’s practically part of the writing process now.

also, sometimes writing is just boring in general. i have to really be into the story to want to write it, or i have to accept that it’s boring and make it how i want to. like yes, follow the request. but at the end of the day, if they ever do want to see it, you’ve got to sprinkle some of what you want into the fic.

that’s where i create the backgrounds, start dynamics, give the reader a personality, etc to make it more fun. it gives me something to do while i hit the points of their fics. if that makes sense at all.

ANYWAY, reblogging prompt lists is my worst nightmare tbh. because it can help in many ways or it can literally be the bane of your existence. i hate them, that’s why i only have them available for celebrations.

you don’t get to choose the dialogue, most of the time people won’t give you anything to go off of (an idea to go with the writing), and if you don’t like it, you’re kinda backed into a corner. this is how i see it, it might not be the same for you.

they also might just stack up in your inbox and you’ll see them the same way that you’re seeing your regular requests :( just more stuff to write that you don’t feel like doing anymore.

but also, fear is 100% part of it dude. i still get that way when i post for new fandoms/people and i convince myself that everyone’s gonna hate it. here’s the truth: if people don’t like it, they’re going to keep scrolling. or they’ll read a little bit and then decide that it’s not for them. i have NEVER once received an ask/comment about people hating my fic (except on wattpad cause it’s full of brats 😭) because people don’t usually care that much. i’m even guilty of this!!

honestly, write those fics, just go for it. or if you don’t want to start with those, then write a little blurb you’ve had in your head and post it. gives you some momentum to keep going.

and if people don’t come back, that’s on them. do your own thing in the meantime, you’ll attract people. and when the requests start coming in again, all you have to do is start the process over.

honestly, i’ve been writing and posting fanfic on the internet for the past 7 years now. this is EXACTLY the fear i had each time i got a new account and had to start over. there is literally nothing more terrifying than posting what you love on the internet. but at this point, people dgaf and keep their opinions to themselves. it makes it easier to exist.

i have no idea if any of this made sense but i hope you get what im trying to say 😭 i don’t get this question super often but i try my best. anyway, i love you too 💛 and i will catch you on the flip side!!

#ilguna #lotus anon #ask #writing advice

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septembersghost · 1 year

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twitter. com/fifteeenswift/status/1690009556930146305?s=20

this is so beautiful and affirming and sweet, yet oddly alienating to me personally because i can't identify with it - though it warms my heart beyond words that most swifties do!!! i think it's important and part of what makes that relationship to her special. it's probably ironic in some way how i love and indentify with her because we have next to nothing in common at a glance - by the time she hit the scene, my school years were over (i'd already had to withdraw before my second year of college due to injuries and the onset of my chronic illness), i've never had a real romantic relationship, never had the transformative experiences of new things in my 20s, have spent half my life and all of my adult life sick, mostly existing invisibly frozen within the same four walls for fifteen years. my only concrete experiences have revolved around medical situations or ramifications of financial difficulties, my friendships are online (which i am so so so endlessly grateful for and blessed by, they are no less real!), my dearest love was my service dog, but new romances, cities, jobs, none of that is in the cards for me. i don't say this to wallow in it, or be like oh woe is me, it's just pragmatic reality, i'm okay with addressing and owning it.

but technically on a superficial level it's like, why taylor? why is her music part of my heart and soul in the way that it is, in the way that it's been for those same fifteen years? and that's the remarkable thing - because we're all unique, we all have our own experiences, heartbreaks, joys, struggles, passions, and while her signature is her lyrical honesty and specificity, she somehow also has such a gift for empathy and universality that fans can take exactly what they need from her writing. the solace and survival i have in that isn't ever lessened because of my circumstances, if anything it makes it even more valuable. she speaks to me in my sensitivity, my romanticism, my femininity, my understanding of the world, her use of imagery/metaphor/poetry along with earnest frankness strikes a chord that is fundamental to me and my self-expression as a person, and makes me feel included and understood. she's also even healing to my younger self, because i would've loved her and held so tightly to her while i was growing up, so i can give that embrace to myself now because instead.

when this video says she's been someone to hold our hands, make us feel less alone, share heartbreak and hope, and that she's always just "one click away" when we need that catharsis and comfort is true for every fan in exactly the way we need, and that is the miracle of music.

#anonymous #letterbox #taylor swift #thrown out speeches #bubble wrap around my heart #music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent

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lovelyelbowleech · 2 years

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HELLO hair anon here with a twofer ask!!! i came to talk about how much i love your newest chapter and saw you’re talking about languages in atla and got REALLY excited bc that’s a pet passion of mine!!! ajdjsjd so here we go with part one >:)

holy fuck ZUKO. ZUKO AHHHHHHH. i can’t even be mad at him for what he did because What The Fuck but also hhhhhhh. i don’t even have words. SUPER not feeling whatever the fuck wei is plotting. like supeerrrrrrrr not feeling it. i honestly don’t even know what to say bc i’m really anxious about what’s going to happen next LMAO. like it definitely wasn’t as bad as i was fearing when i read the chapter description but like holy shit. i am VERY anxiously awaiting the next chapter lol. but again thank you so much for this—i always love the way you write all the characters but i REALLY loved the way you wrote sokka this chapter. he needs way more (consensual) hugs than he’s getting. 😭 he needs to reunite with katara soon!! and so does zuko with iroh although haha Fuck that one has a lot of things that can go wrong with it!!! To Say The Least!!! anyways i’m rambling as always akdksk thank you so much for sharing this chapter with us; i always love your writing and am so super excited for the next one 💖💖💖

and hehe okay LANGUAGES. so i have a whole theory (not really but kind of lol) and language on atla and it comes from the following things We Know To Be True from the show(s), comics, and novels (thank you fc yee):

- they’re very clearly not speaking english. i specify english because it was the language both shows were written and originally recorded in. there’s lots of evidence to support this and i don’t need to go into all of them but as a few faves: the writing system, the ba sing se/na sing se joke, and momo’s name joke

- they all understand each other. this doesn’t mean they’re speaking the same language, necessarily, but everyone in the shows who have spoken have understood each other. importantly, this includes the part in legend of korra when wan meets the first air nomads and even though those cultures had (as far as we know) never had contact before then they still speak to each other and understand each other clearly.

- BUT there’s still linguistic change and variety!!! there’s an almost offhand comment in the first chapter of rise of kyoshi where jianzhu thinks about the fact that a remote province in the northern(?) earth kingdom had become so isolated in the wake of kuruk’s death that they had almost developed their own dialect. which is HUGE imo because i’m a nerd lol.

but ANYWAYS from these we can extrapolate that:

- it’s possible that each nation/region/however it would be divided speaks its own language. however there’s no evidence for this that i can think of for that. it’s not impossible though! more on that in a sec.

- it seems most likely they’re speaking a universal language of some sort, which is evidenced by the fact that there’s never any difficulty communicating between characters (even between characters from cultures who have never had contact before). however there’s still variation in this hypothetical universal language, which makes sense as it’s a living language. however the fact that over the x many thousands of years this language has been around it hasn’t evolved much (as far as we can tell) into different dialects is…. interesting, but it’s a fantasy show and therefore i’m willing to cut them some slack akdksk (also it’s canonically a smaller world than ours so it makes sense there would be at least a little bit less linguistic and geographic variety). the origins of such a universal language is also something that would be very fascinating to know because traditional modes of language formation would probably have not all been at play in order to develop one (1) universal language that managed to stay the same for untold millennia

- it’s Also possible they’re all speaking different languages but something (presumably a spirit or something along those lines lol) allows them to understand each other. which there’s not really any evidence supporting but there’s also no evidence against, so…?

given all this, my theory is this: some spirit keeps the people in the atlaverse able to communicate, whether it be via a (relatively) unchanging universal language or acting as a translator for every person in the world all the time lol. personally i think it could potentially be raava; my only evidence for this thought is the fact that she’s the spirit of balance (and i could see there being an argument made in-universe for all the nations being able to speak the same tongue being a very important form of keeping balance; hell there’s regularly arguments for that in our world, and semi-regular attempts to rectify it [sometimes via conlang lol]), and the throwaway line i mentioned where the avatar’s lack of an active presence in the world was causing that one province to almost develop their own dialect. however it could be anything or anyone! or i could be missing vital information! (Please other people let me know if i’m missing vital information lol.) or the creators could retcon something and prove all of this extrapolation on my end pointless! and if anyone has any other theories i’d love to hear them :)

anyways sorry for the essay in your inbox 😬 i hope it isn’t too much and i’m sorry if it is!! i hope you’re having a good day and thank you once again :) 💖

Glad the chapter was not as horrifying as you anticipated (although of course there is another half to go!) And as my poor beta reader has been busy, the document was still there on the shared google-doc.. so it has now grown another POV and extra 3k... and possibly another, even more unpleasant interlude - so there is that to look forward to as well 😂)

I love all this! The idea of a spirit making people understand each other's language (like a spirity babel fish 😂) would make for a fascinating fic - it would be a really fun theory to explore. Either in discovering that was the case and they are all actually speaking different languages and dialects - or if it just suddenly stopped doing what it was doing and the impact that would have on pretty much everything!

Long interesting theories in my inbox are never too much, they are a treat 😁

#hair!anon #wargames #allsfair #ficasks

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justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms · 1 year

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Hello can I request a matchup for genshin impact and honkai starrail!

Here’s some info about me!

Pronouns: he/him

Sexuality: bisexual with a lean towards men

Mbti: XSFJ

Appearance: 5’4 with short fluffy black hair average build with slightly tan skin

Personality: people describe me as passionate, friendly but blunt, and outgoing. I tend to be quiet around people but once a topic I’m passionate about gets brought up I can talk a lot! I have a hard time with facial expressions but when I get excited I really show it according to my friends! Unfortunately I have a hard time getting close to people. Once I do get close to someone though I am very loyal and will do my best to always be there for them! my friends say once I open up I can be alot more cheerful and alot of them describe me as funny and eccentric!

Likes: seafood, sea animals, Astronomy, sweets, reading, fashion, and drawing

Dislikes: cooking, bugs, being ignored, and loud noises

Hobbies: MARINE BIOLOGY, I love fish more than anything ever sea urchins are also so cute! I also am really into fashion and clothing!

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! I hope you like your matchups!

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

Kaeya is planning stargazing dates the moment he finds out about your love of stars! Doesn't matter if you're dating yet or not, he just wants to lay next to you and gaze up at the sky.

Also has trouble getting close to people. He hides it well but for him to make a real connection, he has to know the person for a long time.

Fashion buddies! If you think you're getting away with not having fashion parades every time you get new clothes, you're sorely mistaken.

Kaeya knows a lot about fashion so if you're ever not sure what to wear, just ask him. He'll find the perfect outfit for any occasion.

Doesn't have the biggest sweet tooth but he'll happily have a sweet treat with you every once in a while. He'll also keep an eye out for your favourite sweets any time he's out.

Kaeya's naturally smooth nature balances out your bluntness. If you ever offend anyone, he's stepping in and soothing over their bruised ego.

Will never ignore you! Kaeya always wants to make you feel appreciated and acknowledged so he'll set aside whatever he's doing and listen to you attentively.

Loves listening to you talk about your interests. He might tease you sometimes but he loves that you have something you're passionate about.

In Honkai Star Rail, I match you with...

Dan Heng is writing down notes every time you talk about your interests! Part of it is so he can add things to the archives. Part of it is so he remembers ever little detail you tell him.

Especially interested in marine biology. It's a field he doesn't have much experience with so any and all information you can give him is valued.

Another one who would love stargazing with you. It's very easy to do on the Star Rail but he'll put in the extra effort and set up a little pile of pillows and blankets and get some sweet treats to share with you.

Also doesn't have a huge sweet tooth but is amazing at making cakes! I see Dan Heng as someone who can bake almost anything perfectly.

If you're craving something, Dan Heng's the person to go to. He'll always offer to have you join him in the kitchen. He enjoys the company.

Not a super loud person so no need to worry about loud noises when you're around him. March is another matter but Dan Heng will make sure to tell her off if she's being too loud.

Understands your difficulties getting close to people. He feels honoured that you feel comfortable around him and will do his best to make sure you never lose that feeling.

#writing #fanfic #matchup #matchup request #request #genshin impact #kaeya #honkai star rail #dan heng

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esoteric-mantra-stuff · 1 year

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Olympus (A rematched Icebound Return)

CW: General descriptions of curses and non-gory violence. It's nothing that could be considered gross, but I think it's worth mentioning.

Heyyyyy, here I am back on my bs. I wanted to get this one done before the end of March, but I've been a bit busy. Haven't had much time for creative writing. The next one might take a while to come out because of that, but we should be getting to some juicy stuff.

Also Morgott my beloved, why do you have to simp so hard for this ugly piss yellow tree?

------------------

In your many years of wandering the Lands Between, you had never set foot in the Atlus Plateau before, much less the royal capital. You’d heard whispers of a secret path, an ancient route long forgotten after the Great Lift of Dectus was created. The prawn seller you used to visit told you about it, but you’d never had the courage to try it. If it had not been for your companion’s affinity for exploring ruins, you’d likely have taken that secret path. Instead, you’d found both halves of the Dectus medallion required to activate the lift. A stroke of luck, perhaps, but part of you wants to believe its fate. As you made your way up the hallowed grounds where the demigods once stood, and the worship of the Erdtree began, something strange happened. You started to feel a sense of… Deja Vu?

The yellowish trees, the golden accents, the larger-than-life statues, the… everything felt almost familiar, but not quite. Like when you forget a word but can feel it on the tip of your tongue. You were sure you couldn’t have possibly been here; your first memories were at the First Step, learning what Tarnished are from a white masked doctor and that you were supposed to have a maiden with you to give guidance. Too far away from the Atlus Plateau, not to mention an exiled Tarnished descendant would have never been allowed the grace of visiting a place like that. It’s illogical. Still, you wonder if it’s a clue to your missing memories and bring it up to your companion or, rather, your lover.

“I only know about the Tarnished through second-hand information, but my understanding is that they’re exiles and their descendants who are being called back to reclaim the Elden Ring, right?” Lobo said, looking around the yellowish landscape. The two of you decided to take a break by a broken bridge. Private Dancer and Paper Moon, your dear horses, ate at the grass nearby. You nodded; that was more or less the same information you’d gathered during your time here. “Then, is it not possible you visited this place before being exiled? As part of Godfrey’s original group.” He asked before taking a bite of his sandwich. You tried remembering how you were when you first awoke in the First Step. Your body wasn’t that of a warrior dressed in nothing but a silky traveling robe and a navy hood. Armed with an old sorcery staff and a dagger. Would someone like that really belong amidst a company of warriors? You shook your head. “I don’t think that’s it… I have difficulty believing someone like me could’ve ever belonged with them.” Lobo was a bit disappointed; you appreciated his help regardless. “Besides, I was little more than fifteen or sixteen when I woke up at the First Step. That a bit too young, don’t you think?” He hummed affirmatively, crossing his arms before a mischievous smile formed. “Blast, I felt like I was on the right track. Though I suppose you don’t look over five thousand years old.” You chuckle. “I’m sorry; I can tell you were looking forward to calling me old.” He laughed at that, and you couldn’t help but join. The conversation drifted from there, but the mystery remained. You had a connection with the Atlus Plateau; you just didn’t know why.

—---------------------------

The way through the Capital itself was a nightmare. You were under siege by the Leyndell soldiers and knights from every side. The main entrance was a no-go, positively crawling with enemies. So you took the long way around, over the broken bridge through a convenient waygate, past a village of windmills, and through a side gate. It was still heavily guarded, but more possible to tackle head-on than the main gate. Golems, soldiers, the undead, knights, and even a draconic erdtree sentinel posed a relentless challenge, yet you surpassed every single one with your combined might and ingenuity. By the time you were inside Leyndell proper, you and Lobo were exhausted. You would have continued, but Lobo insisted that exhaustion would only lead to fatal mistakes. Besides, he wanted to head for the Roundtable Hold to shop for an item he had his eyes on last time. So you conceded. Still, with the Elden Ring just a few city streets away, you wouldn’t find much sleep that night. Would the answers you seek come to you once your reason to be was fulfilled?

The city streets were not any easier to traverse than the outskirts. Knights patrolled every corner, and what you could only describe as marshmallow people holding trumpets stalked the rooftops. A large Erdtree Avatar wandered the main city street, so you took to the avenues to avoid it. Eventually, you made it to the base of the Erdtree. You climbed its roots together, holding Lobo’s hand so he wouldn’t fall on the treacherous path. Finally, you reached the top of a tall building nestled within the branches. Inside, the ghostly apparition of a man you didn’t recognize attacked you. Lobo quickly summoned the spirit of a Bloodhound Knight whose spirit ashes you’d obtained within a forgotten Evergaol on your last excursion to Limgrave. You and Lobo stood by and watched them fight. It was surprisingly entertaining; you could almost see a market for watching two spirits duke it out. The agile movements of the knight were enough to banish the stranger, and you continued your exploration. You discovered an elevator that would allow you to return to the city, but more importantly, you uncovered yet another root that could lead you further up and closer to the Elden Throne.

That’s how you found yourself in Marika’s bed chamber. A large, uncomfortable-looking bed surrounded by stone tablets. You would think that an eternal goddess queen of the Lands between could afford some pillows at least. To your right, up a flight of stairs, was the Elden Throne. You’d spent so long wandering, living day-to-day, never thinking about yourself or your purpose. You’d given up your destiny long ago, yet here it was, just a few steps away. All it took was a chance encounter with a quarter-wolf for that to change. As you both stand before the first step, you stop to look at each other. Looking into his eyes, you can only hope you can repay what he has given you. With a determined nod, you make your way toward the throne room.

—-----------------

“Graceless Tarnished.” A figure speaks from the shadows behind the Elden Throne. The figure is horned and tall, an Omen. “What is thy business with these thrones?” The Omen says, could this be the true appearance of the Veiled Monarch? His voice is very familiar. Yes, you’ve met this Omen before. You’d killed him last time, though. “He did say he would return.” You think to yourself. “When Rennala said the king’s true face was that of a monster, she wasn’t lying, it seems.” The horned figure revealed to be Margit the Fell, gesticulated towards the ethereal thrones before him. “Ah… Godrick the Golden, The Twin Protegees Miquela and Maleina…” The three thrones on your left belonged to them, it would seem. “General Radhan, Praeter Rykard, Lunar Princess Ranni…” The three thrones on your right belong to them. You don’t miss the disgust in Margit’s voice when Ranni’s name exits his lips. “Willful traitors, all.” He punctuates the last word with a hit of his staff, embedding it in the ground.

Lobo leans in to whisper. “Get ready while he’s distracted.” You give a short nod, slowly concentrating the power within your staff. This is a known enemy. You won’t let him catch you off-guard. “Thy kind are all of a piece… Pillagers emboldened by the flame of ambition.” The Omen addresses you directly, crushing his staff and revealing an iridescent blade beneath. “Have it written upon thy meager grave… Felled by King Morgott, Last of all kings!” Margit, or rather, Morgott exclaims, raising his sword to his side. The Omen king’s soliloquy has ended; now it’s time for the final act. Lobo raises his shield, and you hold on to your staff with both hands. This is it.

Lobo is the first to approach Morgott. The Omen King walks slowly and deliberately, probably expecting yet another trick. He also remembers your last encounter. He is not fooled by your companion’s wobbling steps and keeps guarding despite the apparent lack of danger. That’s fine. If he can learn from his mistakes, so can you. Once Lobo is close enough to be within the king’s range, Morgott swings at him, summoning a hammer of light with the other hand, but before he can slam it down, Lobo’s shield makes contact with the blade, knocking Morgott off-balance and breaking the spell. The Omen king isn’t deterred by this and swings down, this time at an angle impossible to parry. Lobo rolls towards Morgott’s legs, sliding under his tail as it swings to catch him. From behind, he strikes a few times with his sword before Morgott summons yet another hammer and brings it down, which Lobo dodges away from with a backflip (You remember him being very proud when he pulled that off for the first time). The Omen King makes the mistake of attempting to reach Lobo with his sword, Morgott may be fast, but your companion is already on his feet before it can connect. Another strike at the shield, knocking the sword away, bringing the king to his knees. Lobo’s longsword plunges into the Omen’s chest, and he’s thrown back on the floor. He’s in your line of sight.

Then you hear the finger snap; that’s your cue. You start charging up the spell, the power of the Primal current causing the wind to blow in every direction. You’d only used this spell once to mostly disastrous results, but now with your current training and the queen’s advice, you feel prepared. From behind the light of your staff, you see Lobo raise his hand with the shield, revealing the object he had been holding this entire time. A small fetish, purchased from the Roundtable Hold, the one who would form the crux of the plan you’d laid out together. Yes, this was a known enemy from the start, and you only have the queen to thank for that. Before Morgott can stand up, your companion activates the shackle and pins the king to the floor. At that moment, you release your spell, hitting the poor Omen with the full power of Comet Azur. The force is enough to knock you back, but you stand firm.

Lobo shields his eyes from the light of the Comet. As the shackle finally breaks, Morgott is sent flying toward the throne, knocking it over. You thought that would be enough, but then the coughing started. Lobo stood back as Morgott let out a painful-sounding scream, and the full force of his curse was unleashed. You worry as you briefly lose sight of the quarter-wolf when the waves of curse burst from the king. “The thrones… stained by my curse….” The king said, swinging his now cursed sword towards Lobo. A red trail, followed by explosions in its path. The Omen king continues speaking, mostly to himself. “Such shame, I cannot bear. Thy part in this shall not be forgiven.” You tried running towards them, but you’d given too much to summon the Comet and fall to your knees. To think someone could survive after being hit with the strongest spell. Morgott’s power truly is on a whole other level. Regardless the Omen must be weak, as his hits are fast and desperate. One successful parry from Lobo, and it’s all over.

That’s why your heart sinks, and your vision blurs when you see your lover be skewered by Morgott’s cursed sword. His body disappearing into ash. You’d come so far it couldn’t end like this. Morgott, who seems satisfied with his duty, now turns towards you, and the sense of Deja Vu returns. You have been in this position before, during the first time you fought him. Perhaps, that’s why your vision drifts toward something behind Morgott that he doesn’t seem to have noticed. Something that tells you this fight has been won already. Something so stupid, you can’t believe it’s working.

For whatever reason, there’s a random pot right behind Morgott.

It’s over in a flash. The effect of the Mimic Veil fades, and Lobo somersaults towards Morgott’s back, catching him by surprise and throwing him down. Before the Omen can recognize what happened, Lobo’s sword is plunged through his back, finishing him off. “Tarnished… thou art but a fool… the Erdree wards off all who deign approach….” With the last of his strength, Morgott struggles to speak. You finally manage to stand up and approach the dying Omen. “We are… We are all forsaken….” A sad chuckle leaves him before all life fades from his eyes. On paper, it’s a victory, but the title of Elden Lord was never as close as it once seemed. Fate played yet another cruel trick.

—------------------

Thorns… a wall of thorns covered the way inside the Erdtree. Were they those of a regular plant, cutting them with a sword would have done the trick, but all attempts to do so failed. What gives? Why did Marika even call the Tarnished back to the Lands Between if she had no intention of letting them mend the Elden Ring? What was the point?

…

You’re too tired to ponder these questions. Today ended with no major injuries (If you don’t count the Mimic Tear that got skewered), just a deep sensation of dismay. Tomorrow you’ll have to consult with the finger reader at roundtable hold, though you doubt the Two Fingers will give much insight. As far as you can remember, the fingers have been quiet, unresponsive to the world, stretched out, and trying to reach some unknowable force, but you’re out of options, and someone must know what to do. That someone, as it turns out, was waiting for you at Sorcerer’s Isle.

“I see… You never intended to keep your promise after all… What do you want, Ranni?” Lobo says upon seeing the Princess sitting by the fire. The witch lifts her head as you both take a seat by the fire as well. She speaks in her usual measured tone, her hands folded over her lap. “Circumstances have forceth me to breach our accord. Although, first, I wouldst liketh to congratulate thee over thine victory against the Omen King.” Lobo lets out a joyless laugh, and you sigh. With them sitting on opposite sides of the fire and you sitting between, it would appear you’ll be stuck playing mediator today.

Lobo stokes the flames, not making eye contact with the woman across from him. “I would hardly call it a victory, considering the Elden Ring is still out of reach… That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?” Ranni’s face betrayed no emotion, yet the slight recoiling of one of her fingers makes you feel he’s right on the money. “There’s a reason you’re still lingering about even though you have everything you need. So, spit it out already. Why are you here, and what do you want?” Tense silence falls over the camp after Lobo’s words. You can almost picture the daggers flying left and right as both sides stare each other down. You’re too tired for this, so you clear your throat. Both sides now stare toward you, their intensity redirected, but you can’t seem to care. “Excuse me, but I would rather avoid a fight. I’m sure you’re tired too, Lobo, so please let Ranni explain herself.” He falters, ears pinning back. Looking down in shame. “Right… I’m sorry, I didn’t consider… I shouldn’t have.” It’s not a complete sentence, but you understand what he means. You motion towards Ranni, who looks almost surprised at Lobo’s change of tune. The witch bows her head, a silent apology for misbehaving as well. “I believeth we can be of mutual help… To open a way to the Elden Ring, thou shall needeth to set it alight. A cardinal sin against the Golden Order, but t’is the only way.” To your and Lobo’s surprise, Ranni removes her white hat, revealing the pale blue, youthful face of the doll beneath. “It is mine wish to help thee reach thine goal. Iji knoweth of an ancient flame of the giants, one with enough power to burneth the thorns that block thine path away. I will assisteth thee in exchange for thine help.” Lobo crosses his arms, looking down at the flames. “Right… and if we refuse?” Ranni shakes her head. “Thou art free to refuseth mine help, but it truly is mine wish to help thee.” A skeptical hum. Lobo looks toward you for advice. You can picture the question in his mind: "Do you feel she's being honest?"

You shift your gaze over to the Princess. Ranni’s stoic as always, but the slight fidgeting with the edge of her hat’s rim, and her gaze wandering between the fire and Lobo’s face spoke of nervousness. At face value, she was being honest about her feelings, but you can’t discard the possibility of a trap. Your empathic abilities might be developed, but they’re not infallible. You look at Lobo, and through his gentle gaze you get the scope of his trust for you, and his trust in your ability. “Well… If he has that much faith in me, I think it would only do to have faith in myself as well” You think, and you give Lobo a slight nod. He looks down at the fire once more, turing things over in his mind before he finally breaks the tense silence between the three of you. “Alright… We’ll hear you out, but I can’t promise anything until I know what you expect in return.” Ranni’s bows her head respectfully, but she continues to avert Lobo’s gaze. “I thank thee…” It’s a quiet thing, but once again it sounds genuine. You can only hope this doesn’t bite you in the ass later.

“Thy task wouldst be concering this item.” The witch pulls out a small leather bag that sways on it’s own, almost as if trying to get away from her. She stands up and passes it to Lobo before returning to her seat. Lobo opens the bag, his eyes widen at the contents. With trembling fingers he reaches inside and pulls out a familiar grotesque blade made from bone. “The Fingerslayer Blade shall accept no other master…” Ranni says, putting her hat back in place.

“Slay the Two Fingers that hold us captive, and I shall deliver the Elden Throne to thee.”

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mhsargent · 1 year

Text

This one is a bit rambly, disjointed, and self-indulgent. Feel free not to read. Really.

48 = 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 3 = 2^4 x 3^1.

I’ve survived another lap around the sun. This last one was a far nearer thing than I am (yet) comfortable talking about, but I find myself starting my 49th lap grateful to still be here.

As some of you know, (and for the rest, I am telling you now) I have been in an on-going state of chronic migraine for the last 9 ½ years. There have been more intense and less intense stretches over those years, but this last 9 months has been about the worst I have ever experienced. A little over 4 weeks ago, after starting on a new medication, I started to experience notable and significant improvements. It was only then that I really became aware of how badly off I’ve been since October of last year. (Spoiler: it was bad, y’all.)

As I come back to the world, I am grateful to still be experiencing life. I appreciate the ability to listen to music and to participate in conversation. I am happy to be able to wash dishes and reply to email. I am collecting little moments of simple joy to balance the frustration at not being able to do more.

And so, as I try to set a sustainable pace for this next lap, I am making efforts to spend more time resting and healing for the sake of rest and health rather than as preparation for greater and renewed productivity. I have been learning (the hard way) that how I want to value things and how I actually value things do not always match when it comes to my own behaviour. If I believe (and I do) that every person is inherently valuable, then I must believe that of myself as well (I don’t I’m working on it.) Consequently, I must watch how much I justify my value to myself by tying it to my work, or lack of it.

I am putting a priority on writing.

One of the first things that I did when I discovered I had a brain again was to complete a number of outstanding edits on a paper, brainstorm and flush out a new paper, and, surprising myself, the first notes for a book, which is part of a short series of books, also sprang out of my fingertips onto the page before I had to stop myself from overdoing it (I was too late.)

This was a clear indication to me that writing, something I have done little of outside of academics for the past 25 years, is still very important to me. I have written or edited for at least 10 minutes (often longer) almost every day for the past couple of weeks. I had forgotten how much I love the act of putting words down on paper. Sometimes they’re good words, sometimes they are awful and cliched. But, what I think I enjoy most about them all is that they are, for the brief period of time, my words. And, until I share them with the world, the consequences of these words are only mine. We can spend time together, change, invert, fight, love, and come to rest - all without any consequence or responsibility to anyone else. A tempting place to get lost in, without a doubt, but also a place where I can rest and heal and play. So, more writing of all sorts - academic, personal, fictitious, and frivolous!

Carol Anne’s and my 23rd wedding anniversary is only a couple of weeks away. We were engaged for a little over 2 years before that, meaning that we have well completed our first quarter century together. I am more in love with my wife now than when we got married. I love the marriage we’ve made together. Despite all the challenges, difficulties, struggles, frustrations, set-backs, and disappointments, Carol Anne and I have fun together just by being together - now, still, and always. There is no doubt in my mind that even if I could live life without her, I don’t want to. I think we’ll just keep doing this instead.

Fourty-eight laps around the sun! And, in that time I have contributed to the manifestation of 4 other human beings: Sam, Nathan, Kathleen, and Martin. It is no secret that I had no desire to be a father. Nonetheless, I have found myself to be a father to four remarkable and very different human beings, all of whom are now old enough to vote and to drink in most provinces. I have thought a lot about my kids recently. I’ve been thinking about how much being a father has changed not only what I thought I was going to do with my life, but how I live my life. My perspective, since late 1993, has carried the weight of parenthood. I have been a parent for nearly 30 years, and I cannot remember how I saw the world before that.

Being a parent has made me a better person. But, more than that, learning how to be a parent to my children - both the failures and and the successes - and learning from my children has made my life better. Besides the fact that my kids are interesting, engaging, and kind (no small thing in itself,) my kids continually challenge me to move into the future with them. It is a wonderful feeling to have my children not only want me around, but also want me to share, to some degree, in their world.

Somehow, somewhere among the 4 dozen laps I’ve completed so far I picked up an abiding, stubborn, and persistent belief in humanity. I think we’re worth the effort. I think we are worth the effort because I have seen that we, individually and collectively, can learn. Much of the evidence argues to the contrary - I know! Nonetheless, find myself committed to human beings, and to the learning journey of human beings. And so, whatever the next dozen laps have in store for me, I think I will still be involved in learning; and teaching; and education; and the conscious and deliberate evolution of human learning systems. Some of this will involve writing and publishing. Some of this will involve working directly with learners and teachers. Some of this will involve just being. I’m excited!

If you have made it this far in this indulgent, quasi-reflective post, I hope it was worth it for you. This is the start of me putting words out there into the public world just to put them out there. Thank you for reading them.

Please enjoy the picks of the bandana gang

Chai - pink

Jess - black

Mocha - red

Paddy - blue

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