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#but I'm still tagging so people who block those tags can easily do so
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Am I the asshole for calling a (now ex-) mutual a stingy asshole?
So to start, I (NB20) am in a pretty rough situation, I'm facing homelessness soon, transphobia at home and work and my hours have been getting cut resulting in me making even less money that can sustain me. I have a toyhou.se forum post up stating I have emergency commissions open to help me out and to please support me if you can. This is where the situation begins. I have a mutual on toyhou.se who I'll call Apple (MTF22) I talk to sometimes to the point I'd say we are friends, not super close but friends nonetheless. She made a bulletin telling people about my commissions and to please comm me if they could which I'm very grateful for since I did get a few customers from her because of that. The thing is, a few weeks later, she made a bulletin talking about how happy she was so many commissions she bought were finished around the same time and posted all of them with the artists tagged in the post. It was honestly... quite a few, I'm talking like 9 pieces of art of her fursona and even a custom vtuber model she got of her sona. I was going to reply all happy for her, but it made me think... how much did she spend on those commissions?? So I went through all the artists socials to find their commission prices and came to a total of fucking $385!!! More than half of my current goal I'm trying to make through commissions to stay out of homelessness!! So I messaged Apple saying since I saw she bought a few commissions if she was interested in buying a comm from me. She replies saying "Ohh! I'd love to <333 but im just not in a place to buy any more comms right now :< sorry >.<!!" So I casually reply really? because it seems like your in the perfect place to help me out after already spending over $300 in commissions. She tells me she's sorry and really wishes someone would be able to help me out but she just wasn't that interested in my art or a custom to which I tell her she could've easily donated to my ko-fi which I have always had since she clearly has money to spend? To this, she straight up IP blocks me. So still fucking annoyed, I vented in a discord server I share with a few friends from being in a few shared CS together, saying how annoying it is rich assholes like her would drop half a thousand for a picture of their fursona but don't even blink twice at their so called friends. anyway, one of my friends takes a look at Apples th profile and notices she has a new bulletin up and sends me a screenshot, but anways the bulletin reads like "hey!! just saying, but please dont come into my dms acting like you know my financial situation better than i do, just because i buy a lot of commissions doesnt mean im made of money! and please dont think that me commisioning artist 1 means i hate artist 2? thats so weird, thanks!!!!!" and seeing all their subscribers just kissing her ass pissed me off so i made my own bulletin that just stated "i thought it was pretty fucking weird to know how bad ur friend's situation was and to go buy a bunch of comms instead of buying a comm from or even throwing a buck to help me out? like yeah im gonna think i know ur situation better than u, you stingy fuck!!!" Anyway, she mustve been block evading (which I reported her for) since she unblocked me, took a screenshot of my bulletin, then went on about how she lived in an abusive household; her dad had thrown her into a sink and chipped her tooth, bruised half her face and scarred it pretty badly. She bought a bunch of commissions immediately afterwards in a panic to make herself feel better, paying everything with her savings. Which to me.. isn't an excuse. Ive been hit and abused and still found scraps of money to pull together to give to mutuals who need it and Ive been bumping my own post like crazy and she had literal weeks to donate or comm me. Not to mention Ive had exmutuals of hers come to me saying that shes never donated anything to them either despite advertising their posts but always had money for plushies, comms and other crap, meaning Im not alone in thinking shes a stingy asshole. This is getting long, so here, tumblr AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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hamcakevaletguy · 4 months
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My thoughts on the Damien situation, from the POV of someone who’s relatively uninvolved with posting on social media:
As a newer fan of Smosh myself (I watched some videos in 2012, but haven’t really kept up since, and only started regularly watching the last year or so), I went through the backlog of content that they have because I enjoyed their more recent videos. Zayna, a newer Palestinian fan, did the same and found this joke in an old TNTL disappointing and wanted him to address it firsthand and make his stance clear.
For anyone saying Damien has already made it clear that he is in support of Palestine: it’s not a given that the fan who brought up the clip would have already known about Damien’s stance on Palestine. Yes, he’s talked about it in a couple of his streams and posted Insta stories about it, but a newer fan of Smosh, not necessarily Damien himself, wouldn’t know about those unless they were looking for it because they are:
temporary (IG stories only have a lifespan of 24 hours unless you take screenshots) or
a few minutes hidden under several hours of game streams on a separate platform (he talked about Palestine several months ago and has streamed a lot since, unless you know the specific Twitch stream and the timestamp when he talked about it or had clips of it, most casual fans wouldn’t know either)
In his defense, Damien himself has recently said that more fandom stuff has reached his timeline than he would like, so maybe he thinks more people know about his activism because of that. However, even if Zayna did know, wanting a straightforward statement apologizing for the insensitive joke (because bringing up the "Israeli-Palestinian conflict" [as it was called back in 2019, not accurate to what has been going on for 70+ years and counting, which is an ethnic cleansing] for shock value, as he himself said, is insensitive) is not an unreasonable request.
More under the cut
When all you have is 240 characters per reply, the things that you do choose to say matter even more. When you parse out everything in Damien's replies, he doesn't come out looking too good. Yes, he did apologize for the original joke. In his replies, he said:
using it as shock value was in poor taste and naive of him,
it was in poor taste back in 2019 and he wouldn't make it now
(in response to his first couple of replies) he is sorry for reacting in frustration and he'll learn from it,
and, in his final reply, his parting words were "With all my heart, I hope for safety for your loved ones. Be well."
However, he also says and does things that undermine his apology in the same replies:
questioning why the clip was brought up in the first place, as if bringing up old content wasn't something fans regularly do with things they're interested about and as if it's not still a public video fans can easily find,
bringing up that the fan in question had 19K followers, a fraction of the followers he has as a public figure,
saying that this conversation could have been done in private, as if an initial DM request wouldn't be buried in his other requests as a public figure, and as if he doesn't have the capability to start a DM himself to clarify things after the initial reply/post,
saying that the original tweets tagging him should have been deleted after his first response when he never asked for that, and just assumed it would happen for some reason,
deleting his replies a couple of hours later,
and blocking Zayna and several others who were only interacting with Damien through quote tweets (I'm not sure how quote tweets work, do they notify the OP?), some who don't even say anything remotely critical of him - in his defense, blocking is not inherently a bad thing, it just means that he doesn't want any further interactions from them for whatever reason. However, silencing any Palestinian voice isn't good, to say the least.
Damien has always been a proponent of “trying to understand and see from different perspectives” so his response here surprised me, personally. I get that he has a fear of being misunderstood, but jumping to the conclusion that the other party is purposefully trying to be incendiary is the opposite of that.
I'm not going to try to make excuses for him. He knows better. He's been a content creator for years. He knows he has more influence than any normal fan would. His autism is not a part of this conversation either. Mental illness is an explanation for behavior, it doesn't absolve you of the consequences of it. If you're citing Damien's autism as an excuse for his behavior, you have to also account for Zayna's autism.
People are also bringing up the possibility of Damien getting death threats as a result of this, which we have no proof of and won't have proof of unless Damien himself decides to disclose that. He has only stated that he is taking a social media break, which has been a long time coming, not necessarily only because of this, because he has been busy and tired in recent months. What we do know has happened is that Zayna has received death threats (weird of people to want the death of a Palestinian when the original argument they're defending Damien for is that he is in support of Palestinian liberation).
This isn’t an issue of cancel culture, it’s an issue of accountability and frankly, hero worship of Damien in the part of people attacking Zayna and other people on Twitter.
When the only people who had spoken about their support of Palestine in their own words, however briefly, are two or three cast members, some people are naturally going to put them on pedestals. This hero worship of Damien has been exacerbated by his image as the most politically correct member of Smosh, and Smosh’s (until recently) silence about the issue.
While we're at it, for people saying Smosh's sudden outward support for Palestine and joining Creators for Palestine is in response to backlash about Damien, or only in response to the block list going around:
It's only been a few days since the Damien's whole ordeal. Smosh is not that fast, and historically, their response to backlash would have been either complete radio silence or unlisting or privating the TNTL that the clip is from, combined with silence.
I’m sure Shayne, Ian and Courtney have been working on it for more than a few days, based on their liked posts, to get everything straightened out with the organization themselves and adding their names to the list of creators.
People have been asking for Smosh to be more public about their views on Palestine. Some of the cast members have said their piece on their personal social media, but their views could have changed. Those posts were made shortly after the events of October 7 brought even more media attention on Palestine and the Gaza Strip, which was not necessarily in favor of Palestine because of the effects of U.S. propaganda. It's been several months since then and people have a lot more information now, and more clarity.
Up until now, the only indication of Palestinian support not from social media is a brief statement from Ian who said something along the lines of "travel watermelon", while they were talking about their rejected roasts during Anthony's Funeral After Show in December, which are codewords that were used in TikTok for Free Palestine. However, this is heavily censored, behind a paywall, and temporary, because of the nature of their live shows. This support of CFP is the bare minimum of what Smosh could do, but the bare minimum is more than they were doing before.
They listed Smosh as the name under their $15,000 donation to CFP, not just Shayne, Courtney and Ian, which could be intentional, referring to Smosh as a whole company, or just referring to the three that have posted about it as a collective. Unless Smosh makes a full statement about it, themselves, it's still up in the air.
The timing of it is unfortunate. Damien has been silent about it so far, making his original posts about Palestine seem performative to some. However, it’s only been a few hours and he is on a social media break. The only thing he has briefly gone back online for is to promote something he's doing with Nintendo, which he could have been contractually obligated to do. He may or may not say something when he fully comes back from his social media break, but for now, that's everything we know. People can make their own conclusions based on all of this.
I am being very intentional with every single word I say on here, as to not be misconstrued in any way, however, if I missed anything or anyone else has anything to add (constructively, like images of either the actual conversation had by Damien and Zayna, or the cast and crew's support of Palestine prior to CFP, not outright anger and disagreement), please do. If anyone has any genuine questions about the situation, please feel free to message me directly and not bring it into this post, which is supposed to be a civil discussion surrounding more facts and events, less speculation. If I feel those questions have relevant points to add on here, I will add on in reblogs.
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jishyucks · 2 years
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Walls, Brawls, & Sudden Rainfalls ‣ hrj
‣ pairing: renjun x reader
‣ genre: enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, fluff!, slow burn (!), college au
‣ wc: 23.6k (gawdamn)
‣ summary: Your first impression of Huang Renjun wasn’t the greatest. In fact, the first two encounters you did have with him were enough for you to conclude that he was just some cold-blooded boy who genuinely didn’t care about anyone else but himself. That was, of course, before the (damn) universe brings you both together to work on the local daycare’s mural.
↳ Alternatively where first impressions blind the fact that you two actually fit quite well together.
‣ warnings?: Brief mention of underage drinking, Renjun and reader argue really childishly lots, when I meant slow burn, I really did mean slow burn, very very brief mention of doing the dirty bc reader chooses to be dirty-minded (but they don't actually do it nonono)
‣ an:  this is the longest fic I've posted ever (so far), so it feels like I’ve incubated it in the womb, went into labour, gave birth, raised it, and now I'm setting it shi free and into the world lmaooo,,, anyways thank you so much to @hoonieji (my bestie) for reading over this and reassuring me that it was going great,, I hope you all enjoy this!!! <333
‣ taglist!: @hoonieji @nanaflwers @dandelionxgal @flowerpotrenjun @renjun-fairy @she-is-dreaming @mosviqu @hibernatinghamster @glamourizz — can't tag @markleeiloveyou @lovehowdream
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ONE.
With the hundreds, hell even thousands, of people in university, there will always be a handful of rude, miserable people that you were deemed to run into sooner or later. 
Sure, not all of them mean to be rude. Often, there would be the occasional bump on the shoulder in the crowded corridors… Or there would be those newly woken up individuals who would give dirty looks, obviously not giving a single fuck. You’re a nice person. You understand those people since everyone did had bad days. But there was one man—cough—boy that genuinely had an attitude that needed to be fixed. 
You didn’t know his name, nor did you want to know his name, but you could easily pick him out of a crowd because of the smug look he always repped. Funnily enough, it was the very look you wanted to very badly slap off of his face. 
The only reason you knew of him was that he seemed to have a desire to be a menace to those who got in his way and unfortunately, you constantly ended up being on the receiving end of these situations. 
There was one morning you had been running late to class—no—you were sprinting to the auditorium in hopes of only missing the run-through of the previous class. Your field of vision chose to settle only on the doors of your class, which at the time was a huge mistake. The focal point blocked out everything else, causing you to run into the before mentioned boy in a rough manner. 
“What the fuck!?” You both were on the ground, briefly stunned at the collision, “This shirt is expensive!” You looked up and realized that dark coffee had stained the boy’s light-coloured shirt. The look on his face caused your heart to drop and eyes to widen. 
“I’m so sorry! I really am! I’m just late–”
“I didn’t ask for an explanation,” he scoffed. He stood up, peeling the shirt off of his skin. It tented easily. 
“I can repay you…” You say quickly, speaking before you could even process what you wanted to say.
“Can you pay for a hundred-dollar shirt?”
You shake your head, but you think of alternative ways to repay him. Only him interrupting you even before you could begin listing them indicated that he wanted none of it, “You know what? It doesn’t matter.” And at that he leaves you stunned, belongings still scattered around your puzzled self.
“Well fuck you, then,” you mumbled. Rolling your eyes, you were pulled back into the situation you had been in prior to the encounter. Class was a lot more important than some douche anyway.
Another encounter between you both happened after about a month of the first. The Starbucks found on campus was not at its busiest, yet it was not quite empty either. The baristas and cashiers worked their hardest to satisfy their customers, walking to and from different stations behind the counter. 
“Hi, can I order a grande iced caramel macchiato?” You questioned, one of your earphones sitting in your hand. The cashier nodded, asking for your name and other necessary information before you paid. 
You thanked her before slowly moving towards the serving counter, taking notice of the boy when you did. He had his head down, attention directed at his phone’s screen. He, too, had earphones in, practically blocking out his surroundings. In a way, you were glad he didn’t notice your presence, the memory of last month’s conflict running through your head. 
You placed yourself at the corner of the cafe, away from the boy but close to the counter. When you ordered at a cafe, you would often pay attention to the baristas, watching as they mixed up the drinks. You could see yours being made, which had been quick as there were still people waiting for their drinks. 
When the barista finally clicked a lid onto the cup, you begin making your way to the counter, ready to take it and leave. She slid the designated smaller straw next to the drink, so you grabbed it before the drink, then made your leave. Little did you know, the drink you took wasn’t actually your drink. 
“Excuse me!” 
You genuinely didn’t hear the boy calling you because of music blaring through your earphones. And even though he was waving his arms to catch your attention through your peripheral vision, your attention was poured entirely on the drink you held snugly in your hand, poking the straw in. 
“Excuse me!” 
He finally caught up to you, grabbing your shoulder to stop you. The sudden contact caused you to jump, attention shooting from the drink and up to the boy. You don’t say anything, pausing the current bop that was playing. 
“That’s my drink,” he gestured towards the drink, “Well not my drink but my friend told me to pick it up for him.”
You look down at the name, seeing a Donghyuck printed on the sticker. You blushed and replied sheepishly, “Oh I’m sorry, I genuinely thought it was mine…” You hold it out to him, “Do you want it? I haven't taken a sip from it yet.”
“Of course I want it, I’ve been waiting for ages,” he mutters, promptly grabbing the drink from your hand. Without another word, he walks away, muttering a string of words you couldn’t quite make out. 
“What? No ‘thank you’?!” You yell back. 
He doesn’t turn back, and not because he had his music playing, but because he didn’t want to. You curse under your breath and walk back to the cafe, seeing that your drink with your name on it had been waiting for you. 
Though you didn’t have the right to judge an individual, especially since you didn’t even know his name, the two encounters had given you a bad image of him. Two encounters in two different situations… you were being polite in both situations regardless of how embarrassed you had been only to be returned with cold responses. Who did he think he was? 
“Li Shang.”
“I agree, one hundred percent,” you replied. Yeji held up a hand for you to give her a high-five, which you completed. The conversation topic on Disney Princes had been more entertaining than the chemistry homework due next week, “That’s why you’re my best friend.”
“Him and Prince Naveen,” she kisses her fingers in a ‘chef kiss’ type of movement, “That’s all I have to say.”
“Also!” You hold up a finger, pause for dramatic effect and state, “Tadashi Hamada.”
“He’s not a prince… but I will let it pass because it’s Tadashi Hamada,” she giggles. You watch her sit back in the library chair she pulled out from another table because it had padding for your butt, smiling. She drops her pen onto her textbook, “Taste.”
Before you could reply and add to her comment, a third presence appears to the right of you and the left of Yeji, which puts the conversation on pause. You turn to see Jaemin bent down to catch his breath. He had a wrinkled sheet of paper in one hand and his phone in the other, his bag open at the top. 
“Woah, are you good?” You asked, standing up and assisting him towards one of the seats as if he were one of the elderly you helped once in a while at the old folks home. He nods but keeps silent, taking in deep breaths. 
Once Jaemin finally caught his breath, he began to spew out whatever news he had for you or Yeji, “That’s the… most exercise I’ve… done in years.” He gulps and sighs out, “Anyways, Y/N you’re looking for a place to work or volunteer at right? Like art-wise or something? Kids? Puppies? I don’t know… I forgot what you were going for…”
You nodded, “Just any type of volunteer or temporary job… Yeah, I still have no luck.”
“Well, this is perfect for you then!” Jaemin flattens out the crumpled-up sheet of paper in front of you, “They need some people to help paint a mural for this daycare. No previous experience needed. As long as you can hold a paintbrush!”
Yeji leans in to get a look at the sheet, “Woah, you get paid too! That sounds like fun. I would do it with you if I wasn’t busy with these damn classes.” She sinks back into her chair and begins playing with the sheets of her textbook.
“I ran here because a bunch of people might want the job.” Jaemin says, “The daycare is literally just behind the campus.” 
You stand up, the adrenaline Jaemin previously possessed taking over your veins, “Can you watch my stuff!?” Your phone was already in hand and you were ready to sprint out of the library and to the daycare Jaemin had been talking about. 
“Of cou–“
And at that, you were gone and running towards the building. To your luck, the library was by the back of the campus, so the run wasn’t as far as you anticipated. You could sense other students eyeing you as you sped past, though you didn’t really care since you were merely a flash in their eyes. 
Once you had arrived at the daycare, you entered and made your way to the front counter, “Hello, I’m here for the painting job?” 
The lady at the desk looked exhausted, eyes halfway closed and face struggling to present a welcome expression, “Can you draw and paint? All that kind of stuff?” 
“Yes! That’s mostly why the job appealed to me,” you replied, “Do you need a resum–“
“You’re hired…” she mumbled stiffly, “Please fill this sheet out and show up here on Saturday at one in the afternoon for further instruction.” 
Smiling, partly stunned, you nodded before turning to leave. That was easier than you thought… all that running was worth it.
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TWO.
You sat across the street from the daycare, contemplating whether it would be better to come early or right on time. Through the windows, you could see that they weren’t as busy as yesterday due to it being a Saturday. It wouldn’t hurt to show up early right? Standing up, you dust your butt off before making your way to the crosswalk. 
“Hello, I’m here for the job information. I was hired yesterday,” you explained, “My name is Y/N L/N.” The person (wo)manning the desk was a different lady from a few days ago. The woman held a smile on her face, one that reached her eyes so, to you, it seemed like a genuine smile. You squinted at her name tag, which read Joy. 
Huh… fitting…
“Oh good!” She exclaimed, “Now you can sit just over there as we’re waiting for another person.”
“Another person?”
“Of course! We’re not expecting one person to work on the entire mural alone. It’s larger than it looks, so we decided to hire anyone who asked. Those two were you two,” she explained the situation, “I’ll further explain the objective of the assignment when the other boy arrives.”
Your ears perked up as you nodded, Boy? A small little piece of you started hoping that, whoever this other person was, was cute. 
You hear the door open behind you, a small greeting leaving the lips of the smiley woman, “Oh! This must be him! Are you here for the job?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the voice replied. It sounded rather familiar, but you were unable to pinpoint who it could have belonged to. Curious, you turn to look at the owner of the voice. Once you had processed who had been standing a few feet away from you, your jaw dropped. 
You both speak at once, evidently shocked at the coincidence.
“You!?” 
You couldn’t help but feel the sudden impulse to quit the job before it even started. You’d rather accidentally fall into dog shit than work with this unnamed douche of a boy. 
“Do you two know each other?” Joy questioned, “That’s even bett–“
“N-no, not quite,” you interrupted, “We’ve just… had a few encounters on campus.” You choose to turn your body completely towards Joy so that you couldn’t accidentally look at the other presence. 
Joy nods, “Makes sense… Anyways, name?” She directed the question towards the boy, pulling out another sheet from a clipboard. 
“Huang Renjun.” It was funny finally being able to put a name to his face, especially after all this time. But you very much preferred ‘that boy’ over his name. 
You feel him approach the desk, standing beside you as Joy begins going over the job instructions. You two were expected to paint a mural over the next month, about two to four days per week depending on how long you both worked. The theme of the painting is what was expected from a daycare mural, something pleasing to the eye, especially the eyes of kids. The two of you had freedom over what you wanted to paint but were expected to get the idea checked over by Joy before the actual painting started. Once that was approved, they’ll provide all the supplies for the painting process to begin. Easy. 
If only you were working on the project with anyone else but Huang Renjun. 
“Any further questions?” Joy concluded, shifting her glance between you and Renjun. You both shook your heads, “Okay good. I think a rough deadline for the idea should be around the end of next week? The boss really needs this done in a month.” You both nodded silently before turning to leave the daycare. 
“How do you want to brainstorm the idea?” Renjun had muttered before you were able to walk off.
“I don’t know,” you shrugged, “How do you?” 
He scowls, “I guess we can just meet up here during designated hours?” 
“That makes the most sense, doesn’t it?” you don’t feel like replying to him kindly if he spoke with an underlying attitude. Someone really needed to teach him basic manners. 
“Whatever.” Renjun leaves you alone in front of the daycare, giving you a chance to roll your eyes behind his back. 
You choose not to walk away from the daycare until you’re sure he’s left, opting to use your phone and scroll through whatever notifications you’ve missed during the meeting. Your face is left in a painful grimace, one that you didn’t even feel you’ve rendered on your face. 
You can’t believe you’re working on a team project with this particular boy out of all people. Yes, it was a bit overdramatic, but you’re not quite sure how to work with someone you’ve only had bad encounters with. It also doesn’t help that he seems to have mutual feelings for you—which you find particularly ridiculous since you really haven’t done anything wrong to him on purpose.
It’s somehow the next day when you’re able to tell Yeji about the happenings of yesterday. Though the topic only came up when Jaemin questions you about the gig and Yeji notices how your face contorts into a stiff frown. The both of you are sitting in the dining hall, food half-finished but untouched for the past ten minutes.
“What’s up with your face?” Yeji questions, almost laughing out loud at your shift in mood. This is something you really liked about Yeji. She was talented at reading facial expressions. There could be the tiniest quirk in your brow and she’d be questioning you to world’s end. 
You purse your lips and stare back at her, “What face?” 
“This face,” Yeji contorts her face into an exaggerated glower, “What’s up with that? I thought you were excited about the painting gig?” Jaemin nods along to what Yeji said. 
You don’t reply for one long second, trying to figure out how to explain to your best friend what happened yesterday afternoon. “Do you remember that guy I was really pissed off about a few weeks ago?” 
Yeji pauses to think, “The guy with the coffee?” 
You think about it and realize that both encounters you’ve had with Huang Renjun involved coffee. “Yeah, him! Today, at the meeting, guess who came as my temporary partner for the project.”
“No way!” Yeji’s eyes open, “That’s a whole coincidence! No wonder why you looked all pissed.” You can tell by the new wave of expression on her face that she feels sorry, “Is he still… douchey?”
Your eyes widen as you nod, leaning forward, “Yeah, but what’s new?” You’re about to roll your eyes, mouth opening with an intention to add more, but Yeji’s eyes shift from you to something behind you. She holds her gaze there for a few moments before her brows furrow in confusion. Her eyes flicker back to you.
“You know it’s not good to be talking bad about someone behind their backs right?” You turn and see Renjun with a friend of his. “Someone’s ending up on Santa’s naughty list.”
Your brows knit together, “You’re one to say something…”
Renjun throws you a look before taking a long sip from his drink. You can’t help but look at the beverage, an iced matcha latte, and feel yourself craving it. It looks good.
Renjun clears his throat, “Anyways, we’re meeting tomorrow.” His friend stands awkwardly behind him, looking like he just wants to be there to eat. 
“That doesn’t even sound like a question,” you point out. 
He shrugs, “Because it’s not… I have places to be.”
You look over at Yeji who’s witnessing the attitude of the one and only Huang Renjun. Even you can see that Yeji’s shocked at how Renjun’s interacting with you.
“Fine, whatever,” you wave him off, “Whatever makes you leave.”
“Good, because I wasn’t even going to give you a choice. I’m showing up even if you’re not there.” At that, Renjun and his (poor) friend walk away, leaving both you and Yeji rather stunned. 
In the corner of your eye, you see Yeji turn to look at you, so you look back, noticing her sorry expression, “Good luck tomorrow, Y/N.”
You thank her. Not because it was what people usually replied to the comment, but because you knew you genuinely needed it.
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THREE.
Upon entering the daycare and being directed into a secluded room by Irene, another employee who ran the desk, you find Renjun sitting hunched over a sheet of paper. You could see his hand was working fast and that his attention was focused mostly on whatever he was doing. One side of the room gave you and Renjun a look at the main area of the daycare. 
“You’re late,” he muttered, not looking up. 
“You’re early,” you retorted. The clock at the corner of the room tells the truth. You had only been five minutes late. How much brainstorming could the boy have even done in that span of time?
He doesn’t reply to your response, slumping back in his chair to continue his brainstorming. You can’t help but make a face behind his back, slipping into a chair at the same table but across from him, refusing to sit next to him. You didn’t want him looking over your shoulder during your creative process, or else you’d lose your mind. 
But then you remembered that you were here to work with him. “You know, we met up here so that we can work on the idea together,” you point out, “But you do seem like the person who wouldn’t know what the word cooperation means.” Not even two minutes into this so-called meeting and you want to leave. 
Maybe you should just quit.
“You don’t even know me?” Renjun lifts his head towards you and scoffed, “So you can’t say that.” “You’re right,” you nodded, “I don’t know you, but I’ve bumped into you enough times to know you don’t give a single fuck about those you don’t know.” You pull out a pencil from your bag and take one of the spare sheets of paper sitting in the middle of the table. You start to write out random phrases that come to mind, whether it be inspirational or a pop culture reference. 
Renjun scoffs, “I’ll have you know, most of our encounters happened because of you.” You can see he’s adding colour to his draft, giving you no direct attention, “This all would be avoided if you weren’t an accident waiting to happen.”
“You know there’s always better ways to go about those same situations,” you spit back, “Because, I don’t know, accidents happen? Other people wouldn’t make big deals out of them.” 
Renjun mutters a quiet ‘whatever,’ under his breath, huffing out in frustration as he continues with his draft. At this point, you’re halfway done with your draft, which consisted of a cute scene of kids and a generic playground background. It was a bit mediocre, but you thought simple was cute. You both continue on in silence, letting the sounds of the kids playing drown it out. 
The silence wasn’t awkward. In fact, you could listen to the serene, no-sound room as if it were a hit song you’ve been obsessing over the past week. Anything but Renjun’s voice was a blessing, especially in situations like this. 
After about half an hour, Renjun looks over at your draft, “You do know kids can’t read, right? At least kids attending this daycare.”
You scowl. “Yeah and?” You continued with your business, “Haven’t you seen that movie ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’?” 
Renjun thinks for a hot second, “No.”
Your eyes shot up at him, surprised that he hasn’t seen the classic. When you weren’t in the mood to watch other movies, you’d naturally gravitate towards rewatching that one. It was a good movie, one that made you cry, yes, but you liked the underlying meaning behind the movie. “That explains everything.”
“What do you mean?”
You ignore his question completely, “There were words on that daycare’s mural, I don’t think it’s wrong to add some words to the mural, Huang Renjun. Besides, lettering is what I’m best at.” 
Renjun glares at you. “What if I don’t want words on the mural?” He quickly glances down at his own picture. It was more of a realistic picture, one of the skies with balloons floating through the scene. Attached to some of the balloons were toys or items associated with being a kid. It was simple, but he found it rather cute. To him, it beat your average picture of kids by a playground.
“What if I don’t want… whatever that is?” you childishly argue back, “Look, I know my idea is simple, but simple is easier and simple is usually best. Your picture has so much shading… imagine the two of us having to paint that.”
Renjun tries to hold back a laugh, “Are you serious? My picture’s obviously better than yours.” 
You both immaturely argue for another twenty minutes, pointing out the most ridiculous reasons for why your own pictures were one-hundred-and-ten percent better than the other’s. And it was consequently the stubbornness that both you and Renjun possessed that leaves you both with no decision by the time the shift was near over.
Your eyes drift to the clock sitting above the window, “Time’s almost up and we still haven’t figured out what we want to do. Let’s just settle with mine.” You push the picture towards the centre of the table, eyes holding your hopes of your idea being chosen. Maybe Renjun will finally break. 
“I don’t think we should,” Renjun shrugs, voice monotone, “Let’s just… decide on it the next shift. I really don’t want to deal with this—or you—right now.” Renjun picks his phone up and takes a picture of his and your pictures sitting in the middle of the table for reference.
You follow in pursuit before snatching your draft from its spot. You feel a sense of relief knowing that you can finally return to your Huang-Renjun-less life. “Fine, whatever you want. I don’t wanna deal with you either.” 
The shift abruptly ends with Renjun taking his leave first, leaving the room without another word. He bids a quick goodbye to Irene, who has no knowledge of what just happened before exiting the building entirely. 
Renjun feels nothing but irritation walking back to his dorm room. Days ago, he remembers being excited about the gig. He gets paid to do something he truly loves, all while giving such a flat looking building some colour to make it pop, which clearly was a win-win for both him and the daycare. But the fact that you’re there with the apparent purpose to contradict everything he’s planned, the excitement was simply sucked out of it all.
Renjun finally settles back at his shared dorm room, hanging his bag on the back of the nearest dining room chair before sitting himself at the couch, where both Donghyuck and Jeno were playing Super Smash Bros. Although they were rather loud, he’s just glad to be back in an atmosphere he knows he can relax in. 
“Hey, how was your painting thingy?” Jeno asks, eyes glued to the screen. In between Jeno’s question and Renjun’s response, there’s rapid clicking coming from the two boys’ controllers. 
“It was… fine, I guess,” Renjun mutters. He pulls up his phone and mindlessly swipes through social media. 
Both Donghyuck and Jeno don’t fail to notice the bummed tone in his voice. Donghyuck speaks up, “‘I guess’?” There’s more clicking, “You suck at this, Jeno.”
“Remember who I’m working with?” Renjun hints, “She literally contradicts everything I say and do for no fucking reason. It’s draining.”
More clicks. Then Jeno finally replies, “That doesn’t sound fun at all. Maybe she’s not aware about what she’s doing?”
Renjun sighs, “I think she knows what she’s doing. I just think she’s doing it to spite me. You should hear her arguments. They’re so senseless and they make me want to laugh.”
On his phone, Renjun pulls up the photo he’s taken of both of your drafts and enlarges yours. This is the first time today that he’s able to properly look at your picture and he can’t help but actually like it. No, he still doesn’t like your idea about the kids and the playground, but the words you had chosen to letter over top the main picture. 
Adventure Is Out There. Although it was pulled directly from the movie Up, the quote works perfectly well with the daycare’s name, The Adventurers. He liked it. But he wouldn’t admit that to your face. 
Renjun zooms out of your picture to show both of your drafts once again, eyes glancing between both images. The gears in his head begin turning, Renjun’s creative process in the works, as begins mustering up an idea that could possibly work for the both of you.
“How about we take your quote and add it to my picture?” 
It’s two days later and Renjun’s monotonously suggesting the idea that had developed in his mind some nights ago. No other ideas have been brought up since then and Renjun wants nothing else but to start on the project. 
You look up at him with a raised brow, “Oh, so Huang Renjun’s finally admitting that his picture is plain as shit?” You’re not against what Renjun’s suggesting, only because what he was thinking made sense. The balloons that his drawing had reminded you of Up. It did go well with your quote, plus you were able to incorporate your want of lettering. 
Renjun narrows his eyes at you, “It’s not ‘plain as shit.’ I just want to get this over with.” He reaches for a brand new piece of paper and begins drawing a second copy of his drawing. 
You sigh. “Fine whatever. But I get to suggest something about it too.” You eye how quick he was to copy down his drawing, head pivoting back and forth to replicate it. 
Renjun chooses not to look up, “What is it?” Although he was willing to hear you out, there’s still a splash of irritation in his voice. 
“Don’t make it so realistic.”
His head is brought up to look at you, “And why not?”
“It’s a daycare,” you say flatly, “Do you not remember that? Where’s the ‘cute’ factor in making it look realistic? This isn’t a commission from the city, Huang Renjun.” 
You have a valid point, Renjun thinks. He admits he’s been treating this as more important than it really was, but that’s just how he was. “Fine. It will be easier to paint anyway.” Renjun turns back to the new drawing, making it a little more kid-like. He refrains from colouring the picture before sliding it in your direction, “The quote.”
Pulling the new draft towards you, you pick up your own pencil and start your part of the drawing. Looking at Renjun’s sketch, you realize that you can’t place the words exactly how you had it on your original draft. There were areas that you didn’t want to cover. 
“After you’re done, I’ll colour it,” Renjun mutters, “Write down the supplies we need, then we can leave.” 
Only you using your eyes to look at him, you reply, “Sure.” And when he looks back down at his phone, you roll your eyes. Someone needs to tell him to simmer down with his attitude. Then maybe you can tolerate him easier. 
You pass the sheet of paper back to Renjun and sigh. There’s a sense of relief in your chest when you realize that this part of the process was over. Thinking back to two days ago, the way you and Renjun argued over what to do for the mural, you thought that there was no way you were getting it done in time, at least not with both of you being satisfied. 
But that’s all done and over with. Luckily this was the hardest part of the project. 
Right?
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FOUR.
“You’re gonna be there for how long?” Yeji peers over her laptop’s screen, eyes wide at what you just told her. 
“Four hours,” you answer, “That’s not even that long, Yej.” You’re laughing quietly as you put your sneakers on, half-assedly tying the laces. The walk there is around ten minutes and it’s already 1:48. You can already hear Renjun’s ‘you’re late,’ along with his deadpan expression.
“I know, but I’m going to be here alone on a weekend afternoon,” she whines. You watch as her face quickly changes expressions, “Wait do you want me to bring you a snack later? Rub it into Renjun’s face that you have a great best friend who brings you food?” She bats her eyes and angles her face to convince you into saying yes.
You shake your head, “It’s only four hours today cause we’re finally starting the mural and we want to get the base done today. And I’ll be fine, I promise. Maybe invite Jaemin here for the time being.” 
“He’s off somewhere with his friend,” Yeji sighs, “But whatever you say. I’ll miss you!”
You playfully roll your eyes, “Bye Yej. I’ll miss you, too.” And at that, you’re off to the daycare. 
The peaceful walk to the daycare can be the calm before the storm, the storm being Huang Renjun. The idea made you laugh a little bit, childishly picturing Renjun like how animators would draw angry anime characters with a crimson face, steam blowing out of their ears and nose, and pupil-less eyes. You feel like that’s the only emotional state you’ve seen the boy in and you can’t help but curiously imagine how Renjun’s smile would look. 
You shake that thought out of your head before you let it run further into nonsense, finally arriving at the building. Through the glass doors, you can see Renjun sitting by the front desk. Upon entering, Joy, who was sitting at her computer, looks up with a bright smile, “Good afternoon, Y/N.” Renjun does nothing but let his attention waver over you for a quick second before going back to his own business. 
“Hi, Joy,” you greet back, “Sorry to keep you waiting.” Renjun finally stands up and stands at your side.
“Oh, no, no! You’re right on time and I will speak to you guys very quickly before I let you guys get to work,” she rounds the counter and leads you both to the meeting room like always, “So since the draft was approved, the supplies you needed, plus ones I’ve added are just in here. Grab what you need and you guys are free to start.” She shows you a closet near the back of the room, opening the door to reveal the many supplies that were ordered.
“Thank you, Joy,” Renjun nodded.
“It’s no problem! If you guys have any concerns, you know who to go to!” Spinning on her heel, Joy flashes one last smile.
“Chalk, white paint, string, ruler,” Renjun mumbles, taking the supplies up into his arms. 
You grab the paint brushes, “Why do we need half of what you just said?”
Renjun’s walking out of the room, paying almost no mind to you and your question. 
“Huang Renjun,” you say firmly, “Can you answer my question?” You both are outside at this point, “Or… or else I’ll chuck this brush at you!” Although it was a joke, you subconsciously knew you would if he seriously didn’t open his mouth within the next minute.
“So I can draw a grid?” He speaks to you as if you were stupid.
Oh, he’s going to get it, you think, but your thoughts and your body think and do different things. Your body decides to stay grounded where you were, “And why would we need a grid?”
Renjun huffs and turns to his bag. He fishes out the draft you both had made last week, only there’s a graph lightly drawn over it, “So we can replicate the picture onto the wall.” Renjun thought this over the past few days. If he and you wanted to mural to turn out exactly how you both had drawn it, eyeing it wouldn’t be the best to go about it. Hell, even drawing out a rough sketch of it could be difficult through eyeing it. 
“Can’t we just free-hand it?” You’re not understanding why Renjun wants to make the job more difficult than it was. There were only two of you. If there were maybe four of you working on the mural, then sure, go ahead and draw a graph, but there were only two of you.
Renjun shakes his head, “I think it’s worth it to draw the graph, that way there’s no chance of messing up.” He fiddles mindlessly with the string he’s been holding. You can tell by the expression on his face that he’s serious about this. You want to tell him that, ‘bro, this is a mural for a daycare, it doesn’t need to be one-hundred-percent perfect,’ but Renjun looks like he’s ready to fight for what he wants. 
“Fine, let’s draw the graph,” you say. 
Renjun looks at you confused. Why’d you back down so quick? “Huh?” 
“But you do it all on your own.” 
Ah… There it is.
“I’ll just sit here and wait for you to finish.”
Renjun wants to laugh out loud, not because the situation was funny, but because he can’t believe you’re actually saying what you just said. “Are you serious?”
You sit down at a nearby bench and nod, “Why would I be joking? You sure do act like you know what you want to do… so, go ahead. Do it.” A spiteful smile rises upon your lips and you wave for him to go on with his task. Being the stubborn boy he was, Renjun gives you one firm look before turning towards the small ladder. He drags it towards the right end of the wall and begins preparing the materials.
You watch him out of curiosity, wanting to know how he’ll manage to do it all on his own. You want to see if he’ll ask for your help, or end up wanting to free-hand the rough sketch in end. But as you do observe Renjun, it’s clear that he’s not going to ask for help or give up.
Renjun measures out string that’s about the height of the wall, 3 metres tall, and then the length, which was near 4 and a half metres long. Grabbing measuring tape, Renjun uses the ladder to measure and divide the wall into foot-by-foot squares, marking the corners of the squares with dark chalk lines. The job’s going to take long, that’s for sure, and watching him move up and down the ladder, while he tries his best to keep his marks aligned, you can’t help but feel bad for making him do it on his own. 
But then again, he wasn’t asking for help. 
Renjun on the other hand is struggling and he hopes you don’t see it. Yes, two hands were enough for the daily tasks he has grown accustomed to, but two hands weren’t enough to do this very task efficiently. There’s a voice at the very back of his brain that was itching him to ask you for help, but as always, Renjun and his stubborn ass refuse to do so, even if he’s on the edge of falling off of the ladder. 
“Can you hand me the black paint?” Renjun asks about forty-five minutes later. His hairline is drenched from sweat and the lack of expression on his face reveals how tired he was, “Please.” He hopes that you’d at least help with this. 
Without another word between the two of you, you stand up and pick up the bucket of black paint. You quickly plop it down next to the foot of the ladder before looking up at him, “Are you done with the graph?” You try your best to sound disinterested, eyes moving across the wall.
Renjun blinks down at you, “Does it look finished?”
There’s a caring instinct in you that notices the exhausted look in Renjun’s eyes. His eyelids are drooping, and he’s sniffling from the constant moving he’s been doing. Renjun’s sweating profusely from the sun beating down on the both of you, and you’re brought to wonder if he was prepared to be worked up to this degree. 
When your eyes meet his, you’re instantly pulled from your thoughts and you remember that you’re not supposed to give a single fuck about Huang Renjun, even if he’s working his ass off like this. He looks like he’s waiting for you to answer or leave to go sit back down. But a rogue idea somehow assembles itself in your head and you decide to just go with it. You roll your eyes, “Well, I’m going to the washroom if you aren’t.”
“Whatever.” He gives you one last glare before turning to the black paint and the string. 
You start making your way to the front door of the building, sending Renjun sneaky glances. The second he’s paying you no attention, both direct and peripheral, you make a break for it and start sprinting towards the centre of campus. There was no doubt that you look like a madman right now, zooming past students who were still on campus despite the day of the week, but you didn’t care. If you want to pull this off, then you need to do this quick—and quick means running like you were in a life or death situation.
Finally reaching your destination, you decide to take a breather, hands on your knees and everything. Your mind wanders back to the day you applied for the gig, getting deja vu from the exhaustion you’re feeling right now. 
Once you finally are able to catch your breath, you make your way into the building and sigh at the air conditioning. 
“Y/N! Hi! The usual?” The Starbucks worker, one you’ve obviously seen plenty of times, looks at you in an odd way but goes with the flow nonetheless. She’s smiling at you, finger hovering over the screen in front of her as she waits for a response.
You nod and add, “Add an iced matcha latte to that too. Make it venti, please.” She nods and continues on with the usual routine. 
You left as quickly as you came, although this time, you’re sprinting with a bit more caution, not wanting to spill the drinks you’ve used your own money for. You can’t help but wonder what Renjun was thinking right now—what were you doing in the washroom for so long? 
The two drinks you were holding in both of your hands said it all, though there was still no explanation why you decided to sacrifice some of your time and money for Renjun. It was just the nice person instinct inside of you that decided to do so. 
You’ll complain about it to yourself later.
When you finally return from your little mission, you’re lucky enough to arrive when Renjun’s distracted with the graph. You notice he’s done the vertical lines within the time you were gone.
“That was a long washroom break,” Renjun muttered rather loudly. He’s pressing the paint-soaked string against the wall, face angled slightly to the side in focus, “I was beginning to think you ditched me.”
You shoot him a glare behind his back and contemplate whether you should throw the drink that you bought for him at him. Instead, you say nothing and put the drink down next to his things, making sure it was in a spot that was safe from the surroundings. 
Renjun looks back at you, instantly noticing that you were now holding an entire Starbucks drink in your hand, completely missing the one sitting by his things. “Didn’t know they had a Starbucks in the washroom.” His tone is dripping with sarcasm and hints of irritation. He still can’t believe he’s actually been working on the graph for almost two hours on his own. 
“Oh yeah, they just opened one a week ago,” you shoot back. You plop into your previous place and sit there, taking out your phone to distract you from Renjun. 
You don’t realize how much time has passed when you see a pair of feet stop in front of you. You’re brought to look up at the owner, “What do you want?”
“I want a break.” Renjun answers flatly, “I’m done with the graph. Now work on transferring it.” He holds out the same draft he had shown you earlier, waiting for you to take it. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to show his shoulders and he’s using a small towel, that was originally supposed to be for the paintbrushes, to wipe his forehead. 
“Sure” was all you said before snatching the draft from his fingertips. 
All the hard work was done for you. Transferring it was easy. 
Gathering the supplies you needed, chalk, paintbrushes, and white paint, you get going on transmitting the draft onto the wall. The moment you start the rough sketch of the mural, you feel a wave of nostalgia hit you, remembering the countless activity books you completed as a kid. You can distinctly recall the pages where one side displayed a cute drawing of an animal or character of some sort, overlaid by a graph, while the page next to it shows an empty graph in which you were instructed to redraw the completed picture. This was exactly like that, only bigger and not for leisure. 
Your delight in starting distracts you easily from Renjun, who you unknowingly finally notices the drink you had gotten him not even thirty minutes earlier. Although he’s a bit puzzled by the drink, remembering damn well that he never got the drink himself, he lets his line of sight drift to your half-finished drink sitting by your things. When realization begins settling in, he does one more thing to confirm his thoughts.
Twisting the drink in his grasp, Renjun faces the sticker label towards him, eyes instantly finding what he was looking for. 
*Y/N*
His eyes flicker up to you, standing firmly at the top of the step ladder, unaware of the fact that his eyes have widened and the corners of his mouth have climbed higher on his face. Despite the fact he’s thankful and a bit sorry that he was giving you attitude the second you got back from your ‘washroom break,’ the larger part of Renjun that’s still certainly irritated with you doesn’t say thank you.
Not out loud at least.
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FIVE.
Painting a mural required many steps because painting on a giant wall was different to painting on a smaller, feasible canvas. You and Renjun were lucky enough that the wall had already been painted white, which you guess covered whatever was painted underneath.
Two shifts ago, you both had managed to finish the outline of the image you both had prepared for the mural, and the shift after that, you both opted to outline the main subjects of the mural with the base colours. 
Although no problems had really arisen between the both of you (if you didn’t count small arguments about what shade of said colour a balloon should be), one weird thing you both noticed was the fact that none of you will willingly start on the same side as the other. You were no professional artist, nor have you been painting your entire life, but you knew damn well that the process of painting an image often involved starting at one part of the painting (usually the top) before working towards the other end. But regardless, the mural was, to your surprise, looking well done. 
Today was the third day, and counting, of painting said first layer, and if you were being honest, you were having the fun you expected when you first applied for the gig. But you knew it was probably because you and Renjun simply chose not to speak with each other, aside from the simple ‘where’s the thicker paintbrush’ or ‘can you hand me that (mural painting tool here),’ there was an unspoken almost-truce between the two of you. 
Leaning towards the wall, you apply lavender-coloured paint in short strokes, following the shape of the balloon you’ve been working for the past eleven minutes. You have music playing through your headphones, the volume just above half, and you can’t help but bop your head to the music. 
“It’s almost five,” Renjun says quietly to you. He’s been working in silence the past few hours, but he almost loses track of time because of how caught up he’s gotten with painting. If it hadn’t been for the watch on his wrist, he would have gone overtime. 
You don’t reply to him, continuing with your painting while Renjun begins to clean up. He finishes up with what he was working on before climbing down the ladder. He rinses the brush down and dries it, placing it into the paintbrush container that was provided for you both. Noticing that you haven’t moved from your spot, Renjun calls out to you again, “Hey! It’s almost five. We need to start cleaning up.” 
Renjun sighs when he realizes you still can’t hear him, forcing him to walk up to you to catch your attention. He tugs gently at your jeans, which almost immediately catch your attention. You pull one side of your headphones off and glare down at him, “What do you want?” 
“I said it’s five,” Renjun reciprocates your attitude, “Start cleaning up.” He turns away and starts gathering his things. 
You blow a stray piece of hair from in front of your face and roll your eyes, though you are surprised that Renjun had the decency to let you know it’s time to go. You climb down your own ladder and do just as Renjun did earlier before carefully placing everything into a large storage bin. Then, once you were sure all the supplies were gathered inside the bin, you go to retrieve the step ladder, folding it so that you could use your shoulder to carry it. Renjun stands at one side of the bin to help you carry it, already having his belongings hanging from one shoulder.
It takes you both no longer than a minute to return the supplies to the closet, leaving with a goodbye to Irene, but no exchanges between the two of you (unsurprisingly). You let Renjun leave first, staying back to text Yeji where she and Jaemin were.
At the library studying!
Jaemin brought brownies 
Say less. 
You arrive at the library within the length of two songs, immediately finding the two sitting in the area that you all usually sat at. You were expecting them to be deep in focus, table drowning in pages and textbooks of their respective classes, but instead, you catch Yeji telling Jaemin to ‘shut up before we’re kicked out.’ 
“I thought you guys were supposed to be studying,” you snort, taking the spot next to Yeji. After standing for hours straight, being able to finally sit down felt good in the knees. 
“Yeah, we were, but then Jaemin decided to bring up the topic of ugliest animals and we’ve been arguing ever since.” Yeji glares at Jaemin, “He claims that axolotls are the ugliest, but I say they’re cute.” 
Jaemin starts laughing but you send him a look that was similar to Yeji’s, “Axolotls are cute, what are you even saying!?” Yeji’s eyes widen as she brings a hand up to cover your mouth. She shushes you.
She removes her hand from your mouth and you repeat yourself, but lower your volume, “What are you even saying? They look like they’re smiling.” 
Jaemin gasps, “Excuse me? Name an animal uglier than an axolotl.” 
“Easy.” You shrug and answer flatly, “You.” Obviously joking, you wave your hand as if to shoo away the statement, “Just kidding. A blobfish. Those are ugly as shit.” 
Jaemin’s brows furrow as he leans forward towards his laptop to search it up. The way his face contorts itself makes you laugh, looking at you as if he’s seen the most disgusting image known to man (which probably did), “Shit, you’re right.” 
You nod, “Exactly.” 
Yeji laughs because she knows she won the argument thanks to your help. She quickly moves on with the topic, twisting the chair to face you, “So, how was your shift today?” Yeji’s expecting to hear something entertaining, especially since you’re working with Renjun. 
“It was fine,” you say, “But it’s been like the past few days where me or Renjun don’t even talk to each other except for maybe the start and end. We work on the opposite sides of the mural anyways, so there’s no conflict. I’ve just been listening to my own music, too, so even if he does want to talk, he has to make an effort, which I know he won’t do.” 
“Oh,” Yeji says, “Well, at least it isn’t as bad as those first few days. You guys just both sound done with each other.” You nodded and play with your phone in hand, not noticing the way Yeji’s attention diverts to Jaemin, “Oh right!”
“Hm?”
“Jaemin, tell Y/N what you were telling me about Renjun!” Your ears perk up at the mention of Renjun and possible gossip. Jaemin, though introverted, loved to branch out which meant he knew people through people. You wonder what type of stuff he’s heard of Renjun through acquaintances. This should be good. 
For the hundredth time within the hour, Jaemin is distracted from his pending paper, but he doesn’t mind. He’d do anything to get away from actually working on it. Besides, he still has a week to work on it. “Oh, right!” He sits up and slides his computer to the side, “It’s interesting actually.” 
The way Jaemin starts has you leaning in out of curiosity. This is probably what Yeji feels when you’re preparing to tell her about your day at the gig. “What is it?”
Jaemin lets out a ‘haha,’ then begins, “So, my friend Jeno knows Donghyuck because they went to high school together, and Donghyuck was the guy that was with Renjun that day at the dining hall, so we all basically know each other. I just don’t know Renjun as well because the dude is M.I.A. almost all the time.”
“Mm-hmm, go on.”
“I was telling Jeno how you were doing the painting gig with Renjun—don’t worry I didn’t say anything ’bout how you sorta loathe the guy—and Jeno was saying how Renjun’s always using his free time doing stuff like that.” Jaemin stops talking as if he’s explained every single detail he can about his small story. 
“What stuff?” You gesture for him to keep going because you’re missing a handful of information, “You can’t just end it there, the fuck?”
Jaemin laughs again, “Okay, okay, sorry. But in fairness, I was curious too so I said the same thing and asked Jeno to explain it a bit more.” The brown of Jaemin’s eyes visibly move upwards as he tries to recall what Jeno told him, “He told me that Renjun is always M.I.A. because he’s been volunteering at different places. He used to work at an animal shelter downtown, then quit to volunteer at the homeless shelter for women and children. But he quit that too, now he’s been volunteering at the retirement home near here. I guess he took up the painting gig for money though.”
You burst out laughing, “Ah, Na Jaemin…” 
“What!?” 
“Thank you for the laugh, Jaems,” you say, “But that’s such a bad joke. There’s no way Renjun’s done those things. If it is true, we’re not talking about the same Renjun.” The Renjun you know doing all that stuff? Please… it sounds like something straight out of a book. 
“His name is Huang Renjun, right?” Jaemin’s head tilts to the side. You nod. “Then, it’s him.” You gawk at your friend, “I’m sorry, it’s just… hard to believe that Renjun—the same guy who acts like some douche to total strangers—has done all of that.” It’s hard to picture it all, but it explains why Renjun decided to take up the daycare gig. It was all adding up now, but you’re not letting the realization settle that easily. “It was hard for me to believe it, too, especially with what you’ve told us about him.” Jaemin uses his arm to prop his head up, “But, I trust Jeno. There’s no reason for him to make all of that up.” Jaemin has a point. You don’t know who this ‘Jeno’ is, but there really would be no use in making this up. 
“You’re not making this up, are you?” You ask Jaemin. It’s still seriously hard to believe that all of this information was plausible. It’s as if Renjun, who you always viewed in a bad light, was now picked up and dropped under a new light. One in which you couldn’t even pinpoint if it were good or bad. Curiosity was getting ahead of you and you didn’t like it.
He shakes his head, “Why would I? Ask Renjun if you really don’t believe me.” 
“No thanks…” You shake your head, “There’s no way I’m going to ask him about anything. Especially not that.”
“Suit yourself,” Jaemin pulls his laptop back to its previous position, “Anyways, I need to get back to writing this paper.” 
With Yeji turning back to her own work, you’re left alone with your thoughts and the newfound idea of Renjun actually being… nice. It coincided with your earlier idea of Renjun repping a smile instead of the seemingly permanent scowl on his face.  No, you weren’t suddenly switching up with how you felt with Renjun because, despite the fact that there is this huge possibility that he spends his free time doing generous deeds, it didn’t automatically dismiss the way he’s been treating you. You guess it was just nice knowing that this sort of mini-hell you’ve been going through because of Renjun can finally be put to a stop.
°•. ✿ .•° 
“For Renjun?”
Renjun looks up from his phone before making his way to the counter. He quickly stuffs his phone into his pocket and grabs the drink he’s been craving for the past few days, “Thank you.”
“Have good one!”
“You as well.”
Renjun makes his way out of the cafe, cold drink in hand. At the back of his head, he wonders where Donghyuck is, because according to the time, his class should have been finished ten minutes ago and he still hasn’t texted. That wasn’t like Donghyuck at all. Usually, he would be bombarding the boy with spam texts asking where he was even though he already knew where Renjun would be waiting.
Even with that thought, Renjun shrugs it off, knowing that Donghyuck would find his way to him somehow. He decides to sit down at a nearby table, placing his bag on the chair next to him before fishing his phone back out of his pocket.
As Renjun finally decides to take a sip out of his drink, his mind frustratingly wanders back to that one shift when you’d bought him the drink without his knowledge. He still doesn’t know how you managed to get him his usual, especially since he’s aware he’s never told you it. 
He rakes through the depths of his brain to recall when you could have seen him with the drink. The one time you bumped into each other at this Starbucks, it was Donghyuck’s drink he was getting, so there was no way you saw it there. The one or two interactions after that, he doesn’t remember having a drink in hand.
Then he remembers. The day before the first shift. 
How the hell could you have remembered that? Were you that attentive? 
Why am I thinking so hard about a damn drink?
Maybe it was because the stupid drink was the reason why Renjun’s been feeling a pang of guilt everytime he’s with you. It took that one small random act of kindness to draw Renjun’s attention to the fact he was the one who often started the arguments and bickering between the two of you and you simply just returned his attitude. 
“Hey!” Suddenly, a body leaps out from behind him, almost weighing both Renjun and the other person down. It takes a moment for Renjun to realize who it was. He doesn’t even need to turn around to look. In fact, he’s not even startled by what Donghyuck had hoped was a jumpscare.
“What’s up?” Renjun questions, “What took you so long?”
Donghyuck shrugs and plops into the chair in front of Renjun, “What are you thinking about?” 
“Nothing,” Renjun retorts. He takes another sip out of his drink and tries to act it off. 
Donghyuck shakes his head, “You’re thinking about something. I know because your eye is twitching.” He brings his finger way too close to Renjun’s eye, “I can see it. Now you have to tell me.”
Renjun gives Donghyuck a look before glancing back down at the iced matcha latte sitting right in front of him. Sure, Donghyuck knows of you, but he doesn’t know of the interactions between the two of you. Renjun just doesn’t see the importance of telling Donghyuck these things. But maybe telling someone will get Renjun’s gears turning. 
So Renjun tells Donghyuck. From the coffee encounters, to the gig, the rough drafts, the drink, and painting. He makes sure not to miss a detail, trying to avoid sounding biased. He wants to know what Donghyuck’s going to say about this situation and he knows that sounding biased wouldn’t grant answers that fit with the situation. 
“It’s the fact that she still found the will to do something nice for me even though I’ve been a literal ass to her,” Renjun taps his index finger against the lid of his drink, “It’s not even that big of a deal but it’s been bugging me.”
Donghyuck sits in silence for a few moments, trying to muster up the perfect thing to tell his friend. “I really don’t know what else to tell you except that you’re stubborn as hell.”
Renjun’s taken aback, “What?”
“Sure, she probably felt bad for making you do the grid thingy on your own, but you’re right. You have been an ass,” Donghyuck bluntly continues. 
“So everything that’s lead up until now… it’s my fault?”
“Well, not completely,” Donghyuck points out, “Both of you guys seem to want to spite each other. Plus, you both seem really stubborn, which, adding both of those together, equals a shit show. But, if I were being honest, you started the whole hating each other thing. I feel like if you were nice to her, then she’d be even nicer to you. A bigger person move would be to apologize and be nice.”
It’s once in a blue moon that Donghyuck’s words made sense. Renjun thinks it through—if he were to apologize, or start being nice to you, how would you even react? Wouldn’t it be odd for him to just switch up like that? 
Renjun sighs. He feels like ripping his hair out. Maybe he won’t apologize just yet, not when his feelings are foggy. And maybe he won’t actively do nice things, only until he finally senses you wouldn’t react weirdly. He’ll just stop trying to spite you. 
“You’re right,” Renjun nods. Donghyuck grins proudly at his friend.
Maybe that’ll do it. 
At least he hopes it will.
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SIX.
Painting day… five? Six? You’ve lost count if you were being entirely honest. 
But it’s not that it mattered. 
What mattered was the extremely ironic fact that you had somehow forgotten your earphones at your bedside table when you made it your number one priority on days like these in order to avoid any sort of conversation (or argument) with Renjun. But then again, there was probably a reason why the world had the audacity to pull such a thing. 
Since that day at the library, you had not been able to kick the thought of Renjun doing angelic things during his free time when he’s literally been the human embodiment of bird poop on a windshield to you. The curious part of you was itching to ask him about it, see if the way he spoke about it would bring out that hidden angel in him. But when you continue to think about it, you weren’t sure if you would be overstepping some type of imaginary boundary that the both of you had mutually set up. Was there even a right time to ask him about it all? You can’t imagine a time where you and Renjun would even be close enough to have a conversation with the topic. Even now, just physically, Renjun still chooses to paint near the other end of the mural. 
Well, as far as progress took him.
“You know if you painted as much as you’ve been staring at me, we’d be done this mural.” Renjun’s voice knocks you back into reality and it’s only then that you realize that you’re blatantly looking at him. 
Feeling a rush of heat run through your cheeks, you look away, “Sorry.” You quickly look away and try to make yourself busy with the area you were painting at, brushing the paintbrush despite already having painted that part.
“There’s no paint on your brush,” Renjun points out. He wants to laugh but he tells himself not to because it isn’t ‘on brand.’ Pshh… as if that mattered… but it did to him.
“Oh… oh right,” you laugh awkwardly and dip the paint into the closest colour, bringing it up with no thought.
“And that’s the wrong colour,” Renjun points out again. 
You look over at the mural and see that you’ve painted an entirely different colour on top of another colour. You gasp and put the brush down, “I’ll just… repaint it.” 
There’s silence as you hurry to clean your brush, using a dirty rag to wipe off the wrong paint so that the remaining remnants of it can dry out quicker. You don’t notice Renjun side-eyeing you, contemplating whether he should say something about the constant mistakes you just made. But then he remembers what Donghyuck told him.
“Are you okay?”
You’re thrown off from the words that just left Renjun’s mouth. You almost snap your neck when you turn to look at him, eyes wide, “Huh?”
He isn’t looking at you, instead keeping his attention steady on what he’s painting, “Are you okay? You seem distracted.”
He’s an empath too? Wait, is that even how an empath is?
“Anyone can see you’re thinking about something.”
And a mind reader?
You are very much close to panicking, blinking at Renjun with no words to say. You’re contemplating whether this was the right time to tell Renjun what you know about him and ask him about it. “It’s nothing, it’s just…” 
Renjun turns to look at you for half a second, then turns back to the wall. It’s like he was prompting you to say whatever you were wanting to say. 
“I was just curious,” You start, “I heard that you volunteered at the retirement home near campus?” There was no other way to put it. You hope that you don’t sound creepy, as if you’ve been stalking him recently. 
“Hmm?” This gets Renjun hooked, “Where did you hear that?” 
“Jaemin told me.” 
“Ah~ Jeno’s friend,” Renjun replies. Although the conversation has, so far, been awkward, you subconsciously knew it was an improvement from the bickering you both did. It was more civil, and you were actually glad it's taken a turn towards that direction. “What about it?” Renjun holds back the attitude that otherwise would have been evident if he weren’t trying to be nice to you. 
You shrug and tighten your lips toward one side of your face, “Like I said. I was just curious.”
Renjun tries not to take anything of what you said, turning back to his painting.
Then you quickly add, “Do you have–uh–any stories?”
Renjun looks at you again and he can feel his interest in this conversation rising. He’s had many stories that he wants to share with his friends, but when he does share them, he’s left with the realization that no one’s listening. “I have a few actually.”
“Can I hear one?” You asked, “Sorry…. I have a soft spot for the elderly… you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
Renjun shakes his head, “I’d love to, actually.” You begin to paint once again, this time properly, while you wait for Renjun to begin his story.
“My favourite story since I’ve started volunteering at the retirement home is probably when someone had the genius idea to play hide ‘n seek with the active elders.” Renjun snorts at the memory. A small smile rises up onto his face, but you don’t notice. He continues, “I was the seeker, which wasn’t a good idea since I was new and I wasn’t really familiar with any of the residents there, but I thought it would fun, so I still agreed.
I counted to fifty, and there were rules where they were allowed to go and everything. Just on the main floor, and I remember the activities director made it clear that they were only allowed on the first floor. So when I went to look for them, I found all of them pretty quickly, except one.”
“Don’t tell me he… you know…”
“No he didn’t die!” Renjun gives you a look, “Why in the world would that be my favourite story?”
You shrug, “I mean, you seem like the kind of person to.”
Renjun lets this comment slide and continues, “I looked for him for almost an entire hour. One entire hour. It got to the point where a lot of the other volunteers dropped what they were doing and helped out. I was actually panicking because where else could an old man be in a building that wasn’t too big. Then the phone rang and the desk lady answered it, all she heard was snickering and I knew right then and there that it was that man. He was playing us.”
You couldn’t help but laugh quietly, “Wait, so where was he?”
“We gave up looking. We knew he’d come out sooner or later. It was just enough for us that he was alive,” Renjun retorts, “RIght before my shift ended, the same man walks in through the door with a whole box of beer in one hand and ice cream in the other.” Renjun’s laughing now and the sound takes you by surprise. It was probably the first time you’re hearing him laugh. 
You begin laughing along, “That sounds straight out of a movie! How the hell did he get out unnoticed?” 
Renjun shrugs, “Beats me. But I like to think that as my favourite story because he fooled us all. And no one knows what he did in those hours he was gone.”
“I get why it’s your favourite.” You can tell just by the way Renjun told his story that he enjoyed these things. You’d think that, because the old man caused so much chaos, he would not deem that as his favourite moment, but you were wrong. 
“Yeah,” he nods, “Then a close second would be the times they ask me to sing them their favourite songs. You can really see how playing something as simple as here comes the sun affects their day.”
It didn’t occur to you, at first, that Renjun just indirectly told you that he can sing—though you weren’t sure if he was good or not—but you were still dumbfounded, “You sing?”
“Sometimes,” he hums, “But it’s really nothing. Old people are impressed by anything.” Renjun puts the paintbrush down and flicks his wrist up to check the time, “Anyways, time’s almost up. We should start cleaning up.” 
And you both do. You both go through your usual cleaning routine before dragging all everything back into the daycare’s small closet. Once you were both were ready to leave, you go your separate ways, saying goodbye each other with small, subtle waves.
And you know what was funny about all of this? 
For the first time ever since you both met, there was zero negative intent behind any of your guys’ thoughts and actions.
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SEVEN.
One new thing that you’ve learned from Renjun was that he was a pretty good storyteller, and alongside that, he had lots of stories to tell. 
Wait that’s two things. 
Nevermind that… The last two shifts of painting were pleasingly occupied with Renjun going on and on about his experiences at his volunteering opportunities. He jumped from talking about dogs giving birth to dressing up as an elf for an event at the children’s hospital—it’s like he’s lived so many lives in one. 
A small part of you was jealous of the fact that he was able to experience all of this in such a small amount of time, but hearing these stories through him made up for that pint of jealousy. After one of his stories, Renjun had stopped what he was doing and turned to you, “Do you have any stories?” 
You were slightly taken aback by the question, “Me?” It was a genuine question. 
He nodded before putting down some strokes of paint, “Yeah. Do you have any stories?” There’s a tone in his voice that told you that he was being serious. He wasn’t being the Renjun that you’ve grown to know the past few weeks—but then again, maybe that Renjun wasn’t who Renjun really was. 
“Not really,” you replied, “But don’t worry about me.” 
“It doesn’t need to be like my stories,” he pointed out, “Just a story.” Renjun gave you time to think of a story, providing some prompts for you so that you were able to come up with one on the spot. 
“How about a time when you thought you were actually done for?” 
At that, you feel a memory surface from your first year of university when you, Yeji, and Jaemin were caught underage drinking in Jaemin’s dorm by the RA, so you told him the story. How you all were completely drained from your first set of midterms and how drugs weren’t the best resort. So why not drink? You remember Jaemin had gotten a bottle or two of soju from his friend from a frat and he’s been keeping it for ‘times like these.’ In the middle of the small binge, someone knocked on the door, and you remember Jaemin saying he was expecting somebody and was stupid enough to not actually look out the peephole before opening the door. 
“And guess who it was?” you questioned. 
“Ummm,” Renjun lined one of the pictures, “His friend?”
“Nope,” you shook your head, “It was an RA. Out of all the people. It really had to be an RA. We were caught and he threatened to tell a higher-up, I’m not sure who.” Though it wasn’t that much of a problem, you remember your seventeen-year-old self feeling fear that was probably harnessed from tens of people. You were scared—no—you were horrified. It hadn’t even been two full months into the semester and you’re already in trouble.. “You should’ve seen how me and Yeji were begging for forgiveness. It was probably the deepest bow I’ve ever bowed.” 
“What happened, then?” 
“Right in the middle of our apologies, the RA and Jaemin started laughing like maniacs,” you recalled, “Yeji and I looked up and they were laughing at us.” You click your tongue against your teeth, “That motherfucker Jaemin pranked us. The RA wasn’t an actual RA.” 
Renjun bursted out into laughter, “Are you serious?” 
You brought yourself to laugh, “Yes. I was so close to ending my friendship with Jaemin. But he treated us to food the next week so… It’s kind of a stupid story but I can still remember how I felt when it happened.”
“No, I get it,” Renjun replies. He stands back from the mural to look at you, “Especially knowing how seriously they act on underage drinking, that must’ve been scary.” 
“Yeah, I think that’s mainly why Yeji and I were freaking out,” you nod. Realizing that you’ve finally finished the section you’ve been working on for the afternoon, you put the paintbrush down and pick up a rag. 
“Are you done for today?” Renjun questions. You look over at him and he’s still putting down strokes of paints, “What time is it?” 
You’re still trying to get used to you and Renjun getting along despite it being a good two weeks since you both had chosen to become civil with each other. But at the same time, it felt like weight was being taken off of your shoulders. It wasn’t like Renjun was a burden, but every time you had a shift at the daycare, you never really had the motivation to go because of him. 
But it was different now.
“There’s still like fifteen minutes before shift ends,” you say, glancing at your phone, “Wanna start cleaning?”
Renjun nods, “Let me just finish this and I’ll be right behind you.”
°•. ✿ .•° 
“Afternoon, Joy,” Renjun enters the daycare with a gentle smile, “How’s your day been?”
Joy grins from behind her computer, “Great, I guess. Yours?”
“Not bad.” Joy nods in response, “I’m sorry, I should have said this sooner, but today’s shift has been moved last minute.” She moves her rolling chair to the side so that she’s able to give Renjun all her attention.
Renjun frowns, “Why’s that?” He’s not sure if he could even think of a reason why a shift could be cancelled and moved, “Have you told Y/N?”
“Forecast says there’s going to be heavy rain today, so I think it would be better not to put new paint on the mural in case it gets washed off easily,” Joy states. At the end of her explanation, you enter the building with a quick greeting, situating yourself next to Renjun.
“But isn’t the rain for tonight? That seems to be enough for the paint to dry.” 
“What’s going on?” You asked obliviously.
Renjun nods, “Our shift’s cancelled for today because of the rain.”
“Yes, but it’s better safe than sorry,” Joy sighs, “But you guys can go and have a rest day for today. I’ll see you both in a few days!”
Without another word, Joy swings herself back to her computer and you and Renjun leave the building slightly confused. The sky looked perfectly normal on the way here. The air was still. There was no sign of a storm happening tonight. But Joy’s statements were confirmed when you pulled out your handy-dandy cellphone and tapped at the weather app. 
“She’s right,” you hold the phone for Renjun to look and he simply nods, “I guess I’ll see you next shift?” Adjusting your bag on your shoulder, you wait for Renjun’s response. He nods. 
“Yeah, I will.” Then you and Renjun begin walking down the same direction. You both hesitate before taking another step, giving each other a look. “Where are you going?”
“My dorm room.” “Oh, me too,” Renjun laughs awkwardly, “Uh… wanna walk together then?” 
“I don’t have a choice, do I?” you joke as you begin walking. Renjun follows shortly, keeping a good distance between you both. He chooses to walk your pace, keeping his eyes trained on the pavement in front of him. Although he feels like it should be awkward, there’s a comfortable silence between the both of you. 
It’s when the air starts feeling more humid than earlier that Renjun notices that it has started raining. At first, he didn’t mind it. The way the rain fell onto his head softly tickled him, but he liked it. It felt like soft kisses, if that even made sense. He looks over at you and he notices that you’re not bothered by the rain either. 
“It’s like Joy has superpowers,” you say, “One second, the sky’s blue, now it’s raining.” You only hope that the rain doesn’t get worse than now. Your dorm room is still a bit of a walk away and you’re not in the mood to get drenched. 
Renjun nods, “Next thing we know, it’s pouring.” 
And as if someone had snapped their fingers, the rain gets heavier, pelting you and Renjun from above. The raindrops completely contrast how they just were, thick and feeling like punches instead of the shower of kisses. You gasp and slip your bag off, bringing it into your arms to protect your expensive belongings inside. 
“What the hell!?” You say over the loud pitter patters of the droplets. You don’t know why you’re frozen in place. Perhaps it was the rush of cold water washing over you.  
Renjun thinks differently, opting to make a break for it. He glances over at you in near panic, noticing immediately that you’re not moving at all. Then, without thinking, Renjun takes no longer than a second to pull you along with him, sprinting down the narrowing pathway as it leads to the nearest building. He swings the door open, careful not to hit you in the process. When he takes out a key identical to yours, you realize then that this was his dorm building, “I think you should stay in my dorm while you wait it out. You might get sick.” You hesitate and think this situation through. Going to Renjun’s dorm? Were you even that close? What if–
“If you’re thinking about what I think you’re thinking, no I’m not,” Renjun grumbles, “Let’s go.” He waves you in and you’re led to impulsively deciding that, yes, you will accept his offer. And it’s mostly because you don’t want to be drenched in the rain, nor do you want to stand in this hot vestibule for however long the rain will last. 
“I hope the dorm isn’t messy, but it’s mostly my roommate who’s messy.” It sounds like Renjun’s speaking to himself but you know he’s trying to warn you. He’s walking a few strides in front of you, looking back subtly to make sure you’re actually following him down the hall. 
Soon, you find yourself walking through Renjun’s front door, greeted with a waft of some kind of candle scent. You can’t really pinpoint the smell to its exact fragrance, but you can describe it as homey–something warm and welcoming. 
“Lonjoon!” A voice exclaims from the small couch, “You’re ho– oh, hello?”
You recognize the boy who stands up from the couch as Donghyuck, both from the times you’ve encountered Renjun and from Jaemin. You wave awkwardly, “Sorry for intruding.”
Renjun speaks up, “Y/N’s dorm building is by the edge of campus and it’s pouring outside. I offered for her to stay here while we wait for it to stop.”
“I don’t mind,” Donghyuck grins, “Hmm, so you’re Y/N? I’ve heard a bunch of things about you from Renjun! I’m Donghyuck.”
Your brow cocks and you give Renjun, who’s sliding his shoes off and fixing them to the side, a look before turning back to Donghyuck, “Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise,” he says, “You’re just as pretty as Renjun sa–”
Renjun throws his damp hoodie at Donghyuck’s face with the goal of shutting him up, “How about you go to your room and we take the living room?” Renjun approaches his best friend, holding him by his shoulders before pushing him in the direction of one of the rooms. It’s funny simply because he doesn’t even wait for him to reply. 
Once he has gotten rid of Donghyuck, Renjun turns on his toes to face you, “Sorry, that’s just how he is… don’t listen to him, he makes stuff up all the time.” And although Renjun’s actually telling the truth—because no, he’s never called you pretty in front Donghyuck—he knows Donghyuck’s comments are believable to those who aren’t used to his shenanigans. 
There were two ways you could go about it. Ignore him and make the situation less awkward, or tease him and see what he says. Either choice would be funny, especially because you could see that this boy is on edge with what his friend just said. But since you’re feeling nice, you choose the former option, “So, what do you plan on doing while we wait for the rain?” 
Renjun quietly sighs in relief, “We can put something on to watch? I’m just not sure what we should watch though.” He makes his way to the couch and he gestures you to sit in the spot next to him.
It’s crazy how your mind works in times like these. At the back of your head, you almost make sure to keep an array of movies to watch, ones that you’re sure everyone would be content with. But with Renjun, one movie hovers above the others because you could still recall your astonishment when this whole adult man hadn’t seen the one movie you adore with your heart.
“How about the Pursuit of Happyness?” you say, “You haven’t seen it… so why not now?” 
Renjun nods, “Yeah, sure. That sounds good to me.” Within a few clicks of the remote, the movie begins and Renjun’s offering you some snacks he managed to pull from the kitchen (or that have already been there, courtesy of Donghyuck). The rain outside is still going at it, but the movie masks the sound of the raindrops striking repeatedly against the windows. 
Renjun’s incredibly entangled in the film. You can easily catch this in the way his eyes were steady on the screen as he leans towards it. He mutters comments every now and then, ones that complement your own thoughts of the film. 
“It’s… it’s just going downhill,” Renjun frowns. His eyes finally leave the screen about half way through the movie, “I can’t believe you’re making me watch this. If it has a bad ending, I’m holding you against the emotional damage I’ll be experiencing.” 
“I mean you did agree to watch it,” you point out. Biting your lip, you hold a laugh back despite the movie not even being comedic. It’s Renjun and his current state that’s making you laugh. It’s new territory for you, if that was even the right way to describe it. 
So far, you’ve only met the stubborn and spiteful Renjun, and most recently, the generous and compassionate Renjun. His actual character, you’ve learned, sits in the middle of both of those. But the one you’re watching this movie with was different. He was vulnerable, ready to cry whenever the movie finally pushes past his breaking point. But you’re glad to see that he isn’t afraid to show it to you, especially since you both were still just starting this odd friendship.
“What the fuck. I can’t do this shit. What the hell?” You snap out of your mini trance and you realize why a string of profanities are leaving Renjun’s mouth. It was the very scene that had you bawling like a baby the first time you watched it, and tearing up now. The scene at the subway station. 
You let Renjun watch it, keeping silent as you pay attention to the screen, too. You could feel your heart ache, the scene grasping it, as your mouth grew into a frown. 
In a hushed tone, Renjun questions out loud, “Please tell me that this is the worst it gets?” Looking over at Renjun, you notice that he’s actually crying. There were tears streaming down his face and he’s sniffling like he’s caught the annual flu. 
“I don’t want to spoil it,” you retort, sniffling yourself. Looking around, you spot a tissue box sitting at the centre of the coffee table in front of both of you. You reach for it, holding it out to Renjun. 
“Thanks,” he sniffles. Once Renjun’s finished blowing his nose, he falls silent again, attention all on the movie. He’s so attentive that you know thoughts are running through his head at an unreadable pace.
Next thing you know, the movie’s end credits are rolling and Renjun flops into the couch’s cushion, “I get why you were surprised when I said I haven’t seen that movie.” He turns his head to face you, “Because that was a good movie.” 
The way Renjun’s looking at you causes you to shrink under his gaze, though it wasn’t in a way where you were cowering. You felt… shy? There wasn’t a word that was coming up that described it precisely, but shy was alarmingly close. “I’m glad you liked it.” He stretches his lips into some form of lazy grin. There’s a very brief silence between you both but it was enough for you to recognize that the rain had stopped, or at least, it had gotten weaker over the past few hours. 
“Oh the rain’s stopped,” you say quickly, “I guess I’ll get going then.” Within seconds, you’re up and grabbing your belongings. Then, you’re at the door, slipping your sneakers on thoughtlessly. At that point, you’re aware that it’s almost dinner time and the sun’s probably setting if you could see past the clouds. 
Renjun follows you to the door, “It looks dark out, do you want me to walk with you?”
If your life were a reality TV show, this would be when the camera unsteadily zooms into your face as it simultaneously changes expressions into one that’s a mix of confusion and shock. “No, it’s fine, there’s probably some people walking from class.” The door’s open behind you and you’re ready to sprint out. But Renjun stops you. 
“Goodnight, Y/N,” he grins, “I’ll see you around.”
“Goodnight, Renjun.”
Renjun waves and shuts the door. He lets out a huff before turning around to find Donghyuck standing there with the most irritating smirk sitting on his face. 
“What?”
Donghyuck gasps, “Nothing!” 
Renjun pushes past him to turn the TV off before going to fold the blanket he was previously using, “Then don’t make that face if you don’t have a reason.”
Donghyuck snickers and shakes his head in a way that only irked Renjun even more. He chooses not to say anything else because he knows that Renjun’s mind works fast enough to work two and two together. 
That’s how it usually works, at least.
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EIGHT.
Routines are meant to be routines. 
Every shift you and Renjun were supposed to arrive, bring the supplies you needed to the wall, paint, realize that it’s time to clean up, and then leave. While you both painted, Renjun’s role was to tell one of his many experiences and your usual role was to listen. If not, comfortable silence or music will often fill that silence. 
But today was different. 
You and Renjun were finally painting the second layer of the mural, and although it initially wasn’t necessary, the second layer of paint gave the painting a bolder look. So you both went for it.
The day was going as it usually would. Renjun had finished a more recent story from the old folks’ home, going on about how he’s excited for Thursday. “Throwback Thursday. We play music and shows and films from their times. Even if they already do that anyway, it’s a bit more special because practically all the residents attend.”
“That actually sounds like a lot of fun,” you say genuinely, “I can’t imagine the nostalgia they go through.” You squat down and dip the paintbrush into the paint. 
“How about you come with me, then?” Renjun offers, “Are you busy on Thursday?” He stands and waits for your reply, watching as you freeze suddenly at his question. You only freeze because this isn’t how it usually was. He’s supposed to say something like ‘it is fun’ or go on to tell you a story about a previous throwback Thursday. But asking you to come with him? 
“Me?” You verbalize, “Come with you?” 
“Yeah!” Renjun nods, “They love getting all the help they can get.” He carelessly strokes the brush against the wall and watches as the concrete completely disappears underneath the paint. “And it would be cool for you to be there. That way we can share one of these stories.” 
“Um…” You don’t like using agendas, but right now would have been the right time to have one. “I’m not sure, actually. I’ll let you know before then, though. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Day of is fine, too.” 
The minute you get home, you feel a strong urge to tell Yeji about the invitation. But knowing Yeji, you know damn well she’s going to convince you to go.
You guess correctly when she peeks over her laptop and over at you after you’re brief ramble about it. “Didn’t you say that you and Renjun were on better terms now?” You nodded. “Well, I think there wouldn’t be any harm in going. Imagine how horrible you’d look if you rejected that opportunity.” 
“Renjun would understand,” you say quietly.
“Well, do you want to go?” Yeji questioned. 
You blink at your best friend, “It’s not that I don’t want to go. It’s just…” You pause and try to think about why you’re stressing about something that wasn’t even that big of a deal. Renjun literally just invited you to volunteer. It’s not like he asked you on a date (and why would he?). It was just the idea of him actually asking you to spend time with him outside of that gig that made you stop and think.
“There’s your answer.” 
“Huh?” your head tilts to the side, “Answer? Where?”
Yeji snorts and turns her attention back to her laptop, “You just said ‘it’s not that I don’t want to go.’ That implies that you do wanna go. Then go.” 
With a little bit more pushing from Yeji, you find yourself standing in front of Renjun’s dorm building that very Thursday with a tote bag and your head filled with thoughts that you couldn’t even comprehend. If you focused hard enough, you could pick out ones about what today’s dinner will be, how the residents were like outside of Renjun’s stories, and what the retirement home looked like. There were traces of what remaining tasks you needed done for the mural and if you’ve somehow left assignments unfinished. Then there were ones of Renjun and–
“Sorry for making you wait.” You jump and find Renjun appear in your field of vision. He’s fixing his crossbody bag over his shoulder, then you watch has he fixes the cap on his head, “I’m excited! Let’s go then?”
You and Renjun make small talk on the way to the retirement, which you admit, thought would be further away. But when Renjun told you that it was just a walking distance from campus, he wasn’t lying. The walk only lasted about ten minutes and the next thing you know, you’re telling the lady at the front desk your name.
“Alright, here’s your volunteer badge,” she slides you a laminated tag, “And here’s yours, Renjun!” You follow Renjun, who pins his own name tag to the left side of his chest. He pats it before saying goodbye to the lady, turning to you to see if you were set to go in. 
Renjun leads the way into the main lounge area. It was a rather large room, one wall being entirely windows. By the front, or what you believed was the front, was a big fireplace, and by that fireplace, a small grand piano. On top of the fireplace was a big TV that was currently playing the news, not that anyone was paying attention. 
Scattered throughout the room sat tables and padded chairs, some of which were occupied by residents. It was almost exactly how you imagined it, almost book-like, or ones you’d see in movies. It was cozy, yet not too cozy for it to be suffocating.
“Oh, Renjun, you’re here!” A slightly older guy seems to appear from the side, waving, “And you must be Y/N? Renjun told us you might be joining. Nice to see you actually did!” He sticks a hand out and grins, “I’m Taeyong. I coordinate a majority of the activities for the facility.” 
You shake his hand, “Nice to meet you, Taeyong. I’m a little nervous.” 
Taeyong shakes his head, “Don’t be! Everyone’s pretty nice here, especially in the afternoon.” He lets out a quiet laugh, “Well anyways, we just called down the other residents so we’re just waiting for them to come. Then we start exactly at five.”
Taeyong turns to Renjun, “You’re taking over for music right?” Renjun nods and cracks his fingers as if he’s about to go step into a boxing ring. 
“I usually take the role as emcee, but I was told I had other duties to go about for the next hour,” Taeyong says carefully, “Y/N, would you mind being the emcee? I promise you it’s not that bad. I even have cue cards if you need it.” Taeyong holds out a small pile of flashcards, holding them out to you.
Renjun lights up at the idea, “It would be fun if you did it! All you have to do is prompt the songs and the residents will raise their hands. Then you go up to them and hold up the mic to their mouths for their answer. Sorta like a game show host.”
“I guess I can try,” you say carefully. What was the worse that could happen? 
“Great!” Taeyong claps his hands together, “Thank you so much, Y/N. I appreciate it!” He hands you the cue cards and goes to leave, “Have fun guys!” 
Once Taeyong was gone, Renjun turns to you, “I know it’s a heavy job but don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. I promise you, the old folks have gone through a lot, so slip-ups won’t matter to them at all.” 
You nodded, “I hope so. You better help me up there if something goes wrong.” You give him a look of warning, though it was playful and meant well. Renjun knew how Throwback Thursdays worked—this was your first one—so you don’t really have a feel of how it should be brought out.
“I will, don’t worry,” Renjun ensures, “How bout this. I’ll do the introduction and then you go from there. That way, you’re not super lost.”
“That would help,” you grin. 
Soon, little by little, the residents begin filling the room, taking seats at what you understood as their usual seats. They chattered amongst themselves, having conversations that mostly consisted of today’s weather or the news that was playing on the TV. From a nearby table, you overhear two ladies lightheartedly trash-talking each other, arguing over who would get the most correct songs for this week’s Throwback Thursday.
You can’t help but laugh at the bickering. Renjun notices this and smiles to himself. He’s glad you’re enjoying it so far. “There’s a leaderboard, if you’re wondering why they’re so serious about this,” Renjun points out, “Well not really an official one, but they keep track of it themselves. I don’t even know how but they do.” 
“That explains it,” you laugh, “I think it’s cute.” 
Renjun nods, “It is. They remind me of kids sometimes. They get happy over the smallest things. I admire it.”
This comment makes your heart do a ball change—two quick beats before settling back into its normal rhythm. It was just endearing seeing Renjun be all soft around what he loves doing. It only hits much harder when this wasn’t the Renjun you initially knew. 
First impressions were not always the best impressions.
“I think we can start with the intro,” Renjun nudges your elbow. He starts making his way to the front of the room. You trail right behind him, respectfully greeting the residents as you make eye contact with them. They obviously weren’t familiar with you, but they still smiled nonetheless. 
Renjun grabs the mic, turning it on before giving it a light tap to test it, “Good afternoon everyone! Can you all hear me?” You see some of the residents nod, others verbally responding with the loudest whoop they can let out. “Perfect! How’s everyone doing this afternoon?” There’s a chorus of different answers, but you can tell that they all were content with their day. 
“I’m happy to hear that! Welcome to this week’s Throwback Thursday! I think you’re all familiar with me, my name is Renjun!” Renjun turns to you, and gestures, “Today, I have my partner Y/N with me to help out! Can we give her a warm welcome?” Similar to earlier, they enter a chorus of replies, greeting you with waves and smiles. This made you feel much more comfortable. 
“Okay! So you know how all this works, I play a song on the piano, and if you know it, raise your hand. I’ll trust Y/N’s judgment on who raised their hands first. She’ll come up to you all and then you can give her the answer! Everything clear?” Again, a chorus of replies. “Then let’s begin!”
Renjun hands the mic over to you, whispering a ‘have fun’ and a ‘you got this’ before sitting down behind the piano. 
You look down at the cue cards given to you by Taeyong and find that it was the list of songs that Renjun was going to play for the night. There were about twenty songs listed down along with the artist. You felt a sense of relief wash over you. 
“Hello everyone! Are you all ready for the first song?” you question. You still feel a bit nervous, but from how Renjun went through with the intro, you knew exactly how you want to host. The residents cheered and you can feel the anticipation. It was nice that they were all willing to participate. “Okay, this one is really easy, so get your hands ready! Renjun, cue the music!”
Renjun smiles and nods, placing his hands on the keys for the first song. He begins playing it effortlessly and you’re a bit taken aback by the way he was playing the song well—it was My Girl by The Temptations. Renjun had only played the intro when hands were already shooting up. Your eyes naturally fall on a man seated near the windows, glasses slipping to the tip of his nose.
You grin and quickly make your way over, “I believe you had your hand up first!” Your eyes find a last name on his walker, “Mr. Moon. What’s your answer?” 
You bring the mic up near his lips and nod for him to answer. Before he speaks, he leans forward, “It is My Girl by The Temptations.” 
Although you already knew the answer, you still look down at the flash cards, “My, my, my…” You pretend that the answer is wrong, frowning and letting your voice trail before switching up, “My Girl by The Temptations is correct! One point for Mr. Moon!” 
You hear some of the other residents chuckle at your improvisation, clapping out of joy. You don’t notice as you walk back to the front, but Renjun’s smile grows wider. 
“Next song!” You read it, and hum, “This one’s a few decades newer, but I know you all will know this one!” You turn to Renjun, quietly signalling for him to begin the song. You watch the residents as they wait for Renjun to start the song’s snippet. Again he plays the intro, an easy-to-recognize sequence bouncing across the room. 
A different man raises his hand first, so you move across the room swiftly. This man doesn’t have a nametag, “Do you know the answer, sir?” 
“Of course I do, I remember going to their concert back in the day!” He speaks through the mic. The people around you react, eyes widening. 
“Oh, so you should very well know it, right?” You question, “Were you a fan of them?” 
“A big, big fan,” the man uses his hands to speak, throwing his arms to gesture something large, “Good ‘ol days. But anyways, the answer is Open Arms by Journey. One of my favourites.” 
“I guess you already know that the answer is correct!” you laugh, “Can’t argue with a fan. One point for you, sir!” He nods his head in pride before you turn to walk back to the front. At this point, you’re gaining more confidence despite it barely even starting. In a way, the interactions came naturally.
“The next song is one that might not come to you all easily since it’s a bit newer, but I guarantee that at least one of you will know it,” you say through the mic. 
Renjun begins with the intro, and you’re familiar with the song because you’ve heard your parents play it plenty of times in the car growing up. So far, none of the residents had brought their hands up to answer. You’re actually quite surprised to see that no one was familiar with the song’s intro. 
Renjun continues to play the song. 
Then he begins to sing. 
You remember when he had first told you about his time here at the retirement home and how he sang for the residents. You remember him completely dismissing the fact that he did sing for these people and after that, the subject wasn’t really brought up. 
Now that you’re here and volunteering with him, you finally get a chance to hear him sing. 
“Oceans apart… day after day… and I slowly go insane…” 
What the fuck. 
You almost say this out loud and through the mic in front of many many elderly people and you suddenly feel compelled to slap yourself. 
Renjun’s voice was unexpected, but it was beautiful. You really didn’t have any idea of how his singing voice would sound but now that you’re hearing it, it perfectly matched his speaking voice. It was satin-like and captivating—a voice you could and you’d honestly like to listen to all day. 
“How can we say forever?”
Your eyes drift to Renjun, who’s focused. His eyes are on the music sheets sitting in front of him. The expression on his face is calm and gentle, words of which could also describe his singing. You hope Renjun doesn’t notice that you’re looking at him, because if he did, it would be humiliating. 
“Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you…”
Then your heart does this thing. 
It was very similar to the little skip that it did earlier, but now, instead of falling back to the rhythm it usually followed, it only sped up in tempo. 
What the fuck. You repeat to yourself. Your eyes widen before dropping to your feet in panic. Because it really shouldn’t be doing that. Not at this point in time. 
“I raised my hand first!” One of the ladies knock you back into reality and you realize that a few people have had their hands raised. She was speaking to another woman sitting at the same table and you recognize them as the two women from earlier. You smile sheepishly, almost forgetting what your job is and opting to listen to Renjun and only Renjun for the rest of the game. You apologize, “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite notice. Can we play a small game of rock, paper, scissors to settle this fairly?” 
They play the game as you make your way up to them. Once it was settled, you bring the mic up to the winner, the lady who claimed she raised her hand first. “What do you think the song title is?”
“Oh, I know what the song title is,” she chuckled, “Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx.” 
“I love the confidence!” You say, laughing, “You are correct! One point for you, ma’am!” The woman cheered, ecstatic she got the point. Then, like before, you return to the front and you start at the beginning of the cycle for the next songs. 
You try your best to keep yourself together, especially when the song’s difficulty requires Renjun to sing part of it. He had a voice to be proud of. You have no idea why he didn’t choose to brag about it. But maybe that’s just Renjun. 
What’s ironic was the fact that Renjun was almost as charmed by you as you were with him. However, it wasn’t because of the way you sang, because if you were ever asked to sing, you’d warn them about temporarily losing the sense of hearing, but it was simply through the way you interacted with the residents. The best word Renjun could find to describe the way you spoke to them was genuine. 
You genuinely seemed to enjoy speaking to them, making small talk throughout the game so that you kept them entertained. Renjun also concluded that you were actually a pretty witty person. Jokes and fitting comments were flying out of your mouth whenever you pleased, giving the residents a reason to laugh hearty laughs.
Though it really didn’t appear to be that big of a deal to anyone else, Renjun found it endearing. It was simply just a trait that he found worthy of adoring. 
Renjun slumps behind the piano relieved that the instrument was helping him hide the smile that was uncontrollably growing upon his lips. And if you see him with that big, fat, doting smile, he wouldn’t know what to do.
At the end of the game and its conclusion, you actually find yourself feeling bummed that it was over. You stand at the side of the room, watching as the residents either take their leave or decide to stay in the lounge room a bit longer. You bow to the ones who cross your path, thanking them for being great participants. 
“Will you be back next week?” a lady stops to talk to you, “You were refreshing to have. That young boy, Taeyong, follows the same script and it does get very tedious after a while.” 
“I would love to, actually,” you say, frowning, “But I’m not sure if I will. Renjun invited me to join but I don’t know if this is just a one-time thing.” 
“Oh, well,” she smiles sadly, “If you ever decide to return, you’re always welcome.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” you mirror her expression before she walks away. 
In her place, another lady stops and reaches for your hand, “Thank you for a wonderful time!” 
You shake your head, “It’s nothing, really. Renjun played a large part as well, I shouldn’t take all the credit.” Over her shoulder you see Renjun speaking to a few of the male residents. 
“Oh! Speaking of that lovely boy, are you two together?” Her head tilts to the side in curiosity, “You two make quite a cute couple!” 
Her comment makes you freeze in shock for a short moment. You and Renjun? A couple?
“Oh!” you shake your head, almost to the point where you could feel your head coming loose from the rest of your body, “We’re not dating! It’s nothing like that. It’s really the opposite! We only started being friends not too long ago!”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” she only picks up your last comment, “You ever go to connect a plug to a socket without looking?” You nod your head but she could tell that you’re confused. “You miss it a couple of times, making small adjustments so you can get that damn plug into the socket. Then, finally, right when you get it in, the electricity runs through it to serve its purpose.” 
“I-I don’t understand what you’re saying, ma’am.”
“I’m saying that it doesn’t matter when you guys started ‘being friends,’” she laughs lightly, “If two pieces fit together, then that’s that. I know a match when I see one.” 
And without another peep, the lady walks away, singing a tune under her breath.
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NINE.
“Is this enough?” Renjun’s pouring paint into one of the paint trays at the bottom of the ladder. 
You look down from the top of the ladder, “That looks like it, thank you.” You paint a few more strokes down before climbing back down to grab the newly filled tray. The goal for the day was to finish the second layer so that over the last few shifts, you and Renjun could focus on details and finishing touches. Judging by how much work was left, the two of you were probably going to end up working overtime. But none of you minded. 
“You know, some of the residents were asking for you when I returned a few days ago?” Renjun watches as you pick up the tray. When your feet find their way onto the first step of the ladder, Renjun unconsciously steps forward to keep the ladder steady, “I think they really loved your company.” The corner of his mouth quirks upward at the recent memory of you and your interactions. Not one inch of his bone regretted inviting you. 
“Really?” you light up, “I enjoyed their company, too.”
Renjun replies, “Yeah, really. I guess you made a really good impression on them.” Then Renjun makes a witty, lighthearted comment, “Unlike you did on me.”
You laugh and look down, “The feeling’s mutual.” 
Out of interest, Renjun lets this burning question leave his lips, “Why did you hate me so much anyway?” Then he shakes his head, “I mean I understand why, but I wanna hear your side of the story.” 
You take a seat on one of the middle stairs of the ladder and rest your head on your arm, “I guess… everytime we ran into each other, you weren’t exactly the nicest. I remember I apologized when I accidentally bumped into you that one morning before class and you made a comment about me not being able to afford your shirt or something even when I apologized.” “In fairness, it was before an eight AM and that shit was hot,” Renjun defends, “But you’re right. I could’ve handled it better.” He doesn’t even remember why he blew up that morning. But he does remember a feeling of remorse the moment he arrived in class and was able to reflect on what he just did.
“And that one time when I took Donghyucks’s drink,” you face palm because you don’t know how you even managed to do that, “You didn’t even say thank you when I gave you the drink when I could’ve taken it. Especially since it was you who had gone up to me.”
Renjun’s face heats up. He really was a whole douchebag to you. “I was in a hurry. But I could’ve handled that better, too.” Renjun pauses and drops his head to look at his feet, “I think my apologies are long overdue. But I really am sorry for both of those times. I don’t know… they were sorta both in the heat of the moment… but if I could go back, I’d treat you better. Maybe we could’ve gotten along faster.” 
“You’re forgiven,” you reply seriously, swinging your legs, “Besides, it’s not like we haven’t made any progress.” You look up at the mural and remember how your relationship with Renjun had been when you both started it. It was almost the complete opposite. “I think I owe you an apology, too. It’s not like I’m completely innocent either.”
Renjun turns to go back to his spot, “You don’t even need to apologize. You were just treating me the way I was treating you.” 
“Doesn’t make it okay,” you stand up and dip the paintbrush in paint. 
“True, but still.” Renjun raises his head to look at you, “But I forgive you too. Even though I still don’t think you need to say sorry.”
You don’t say anything else. Instead, you playfully roll your eyes. Despite your reaction, you’re actually glad that you and Renjun were finally at that point where you could joke about about the past. Being able to openly share how you both felt, and just conversing about it proves that your relationship with him has shifted. It’s relieving.
“Hey Y/N?”
You look through the ladder and find Renjun staring up at you. His hair is falling back, fringe brushing past the corners of his eyes. He looks pretty. “Yeah?”
“It’s getting late,” he says, “Want to wrap up and get something to eat?” 
You’re compelled to make a ‘like a date?’ comment, but you hold back. You and Renjun just made complete amends. You can’t be that bold just yet, “Sure. Where to?”
°•. ✿ .•° 
A handful of bites and sips of pop later, you and Renjun are walking back from the closest fast-food restaurant from campus. The topic of conversation had been jumping from one to another, keeping the atmosphere comfortable and busy. Currently, it was about the pet peeves that came along with your roommates despite still loving them with all your heart. 
“Sometimes,” Renjun sighs, “Donghyuck, he literally doesn’t wash the bottom of the cups cause he thinks that only water rinsing it is enough. He only scrubs the rim of the cup. Once, I was filling my cup with water and I see remnants of dried out coke floating from the bottom.” 
You gasp and make a face, shaking your head, “That’s disgusting! Imagine if you didn’t see that. You’d just be ingesting dried coke.”
“He learned from that,” Renjun shrugs, “Cause even he experienced it. He always scrubs the bottom of the cups first now.”
“Good,” you retort, “Because I was going to tell you to remind me never to drink from a cup when I go over to your guys’ dorm.” Renjun laughs but he can’t help but interpret your comment in a way that could be considered overthinking. “For me, Yeji used to wash her clothes without putting them with like colours.”
“How is her wardrobe not fucked up?” Renjun sends you a look, “Especially her white clothing.”
You shrug, “Beats me. But that one time I caught her, I felt like her mom teaching her right from wrong. I have no idea how she’s never been told off in all her years of life.”
“I don’t know what’s worse, that, or Donghyuck’s old habit.” You shake your and head and look down. You wonder if Yeji had any pet peeves about you. What would they even be? You didn’t feel like you were doing anything pet-peeve-worthy. But then again, Yeji didn’t see anything wrong with mixing her clothing up. 
When you see your dorm building growing in your field of vision, your eyes widen and you turn to Renjun, “We missed your building!” You stop in your tracks and try to do a one-eighty to go back to Renjun’s building. The two of you were so caught up in conversation that you missed it. 
“No I did it on purpose,” Renjun shakes his head, “I wanted to walk you back.” A tickling sensation subtly appears and disappears in your stomach. 
“You really didn’t have to!” you say shaking your hands as a way to deny his kind action, “The campus is safe anyways! I could have walked on my—”
“I know it is, but I wanted to,” he shrugs, “There’s a difference.” He’s right. There is a difference. Because it’s one thing to walk you home with some worry that you’d get into some form of accident, you know, to ensure your safety (which you understood as basic human decency), but it’s another to want to walk you home. Even with the knowledge that you’d be safe because there were other students probably walking the same way, he wanted to walk you home and it was probably because he wanted to spend more time with you. 
You don’t know how to react to that implication.
He starts walking towards your building, hands stuffed into his sweater’s pockets. When he senses that you weren’t following, he turns back, “What are you doing?”
“Sorry,” you sigh, “I zoned out.” 
You speed up to reach his side, trying to process whether or not you were overthinking or not. Before you know it, you’re at the doors of your building and you’re fishing your keys out of your pocket, “Thanks for walking me here, I guess.”
“You guess?” Renjun laughs softly.
“I mean like, it was unexp–”
“I’m joking,” Renjun rolls his eyes playfully, “I wanted to.” There it is again.
“Anyways, I’ll head in now,” you say, avoiding any awkward silences, “Goodnight.”
He grins, and you swear you see his eyes twinkle, “Goodnight.”
When you reach your dorms, Yeji’s standing at the entry way, arms crossed with a smirk, “I saw Mr. Renjun drop you off… care to explain?” 
“What are you even doing staring out the window?” you glare at her and kick your shoes off. Walking past her, you tug your bag off your arm and plop it beside the couch, “And explain what? He just wanted to drop me off.” 
“Key word is ‘wanted’,” Yeji walks up to you and digs her index finger into your shoulder, “I’m getting this psychic-netic sense that he’s starting to harbour feelings for you.” You want to laugh because Renjun? Feelings? For you? It’s laugh worthy. “No way. We just made up.”
“Yeah, but you both were all chill before today,” she rolls her eyes, “He’s probably starting to like you like you like him.”
“What are you even talking about?” You’re ready to escape this conversation. Mentally, you’re in a position that runners take when they’re about to begin a race, but in front of Yeji, you’re stiff as a rock, grounded and eyes wide as you react to what she just said. “Nothing,” she shrugs, “You didn’t deny it though.” Yeji cackles and makes her own great escape, sprinting into her room before shutting the door. 
When Renjun finally gets home, he’s greeted with a bear hug from his own roommate. 
“I thought you died or something!” Donghyuck yells, “Why are you home so late?”
“I had dinner with Y/N and walked her home?” Renjun’s confused. He leans forward and notices tears in Donghyuck’s eyes. He doesn’t know whether he should laugh or feel bad because he’s never seen his best friend in such a state, “Are you actually crying? Look I’m sorry, I actually forgot to update you.”
“Yes! I’m crying,” Donghyuck glares at Renjun, “It’s not like I splashed my face with water or anything.” Donghyuck wipes his ‘tears’ away and ‘sniffles’, “If I knew you had a date, I wouldn’t have sobbed my eyes out waiting for you to get home.”
“It wasn’t a date,” Renjun hurriedly denies, “It was just a friendly dinner.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Donghyuck waves off, “Friendly dinner my ass.”
“It was!” Renjun’s ready to jump Donghyuck, “We worked for a long time today and we also formally apologized to each other. It was fitting.”
“You know what?”
“No, I don’t know what.”
Donghuck clicks his tongue against his teeth, “You like her.”
“What even makes you say that?” There’s a bazillion things running through Renjun’s head, but none of those things were coming to a single conclusion that made sense with this conversation with Donghyuck. 
Donghyuck rolls his eyes, “The past few days, when you walk through that door from the gig or just being with Y/N, you have this sickening—but cute?—I don’t know… love-struck? Charmed?—Whatever you’d call it—look on your face and it’s painfully obvious that you’re starting to have feelings for her.”
Renjun gulps. He’s at a loss of words only because he’s never heard or seen Hyuck say something so serious in his life, “You’re lying.”
“No. I’m not. I can’t believe you haven’t realized it yourself when you’re usually more emotionally intelligent than me.”
Stunned, Renjun thinks it through. 
Sure the word ‘love-struck’ doesn’t really describe what he’s feeling for you, only because he knows it hasn’t gone that far. He thinks back to the day it suddenly rained, when you both watched The Pursuit of Happyness and he let himself be vulnerable in front of you. Then to the day at the retirement home and seeing your interactions with the older adults. Those few times you were too immersed in painting to comprehend what was happening around you… Hell, he even thinks back to the time you had gotten him that damn Starbucks drink despite how horrible he treated you that day. 
What did all these days have in common? Sure, all these days involved you and him, and progression in the relationship between the two of you. But the thing that persisted was how his chest warmed up in a way that was almost entirely unfamiliar to him. Shit, it has happened so many times that it has become familiar. 
Renjun sighs and he looks at Donghyuck with a defeated look, “I think you’re right.” 
“About?”
Renjun gets deja vu. He remembers the conversation he had long ago with Donghyuck about his attitude towards you. Never would he have thought that it would get this far. 
“My feelings for Y/N.”
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TEN.
It was the final stretch. The mural needed no more than final details and cleaning up before it was finished. And after this, you and Renjun would be finished the project. 
You’re excited to see the mural in all its glory—no unfinished patches and pending layers. You can already taste the satisfaction, especially because both you and Renjun had worked your asses off finishing it. 
But there was an elephant in the room. 
It wasn’t a massive elephant, but it was there, sitting right in between you and Renjun and you didn’t know how to address it without him misinterpreting everything. 
The elephant: What would become of the two of you after all of this has ended? 
You look over at him with that lingering thought. 
It was rather baffling because your relationship with him appeared to be nothing more than two co-workers—maybe a little bit more than that. No. That’s wrong. You guys were friends—at least that’s what you considered him. You could easily tell he considers you one of his, too, but you weren’t sure that you were at that point where you would speak to each other after all this is over. 
You’d hate to see your relationship with him falter after everything. 
You’re hoping Renjun’s feeling the same way, simply because he hasn’t said anything all shift. Just a mere ‘hi’ was all that slipped out his mouth towards you, and a soft ‘thank you’ when Joy had come out to congratulate you both for almost completing the project. Otherwise, he hasn’t done more than breathe and paint. 
“You’re quiet,” you say playfully. You’re not sure if you were overstepping boundaries but you wouldn’t have said anything if you weren’t comfortable with Renjun. 
The noise in Renjun’s head nearly blocks your voice out completely, but you’re lucky to have caught his attention. “Hm?”
You finish the details of your current part of the painting and move onto the next. It was one step closer to Renjun, “I said you’re quiet. Is something up?” It’s a good sign that Renjun wasn’t shooting any sort of remark your way, but you can tell he’s avoiding eye contact. You haven’t seen Renjun so out of it. 
“No,” he replies, “No, I… I’m just thinking.” It was Renjun’s turn to finish an area. He takes a hesitant step closer to you to complete the details of a new area. 
 Dot. Dot. You use black paint to add details to a bear’s face. Its eyes. It looks a lot better than it did just moments ago. “Can I ask what about?”
Renjun pauses and thinks about his answer. You. He’s thinking about you. But he’s not sure if it would be odd for him to be honest and up-front. Renjun’s adding details to a toy car. Dot. Line. Dot. Dot. “Things. I’ll tell you when I get it sorted out.”
“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to,” you say. You move on to a toy train. Line. Dot. Two lines. Although you’re still truthful about what you just said, you’re still curious about what Renjun was thinking about. Things was such a broad term. It could be about anything—dogs, the colour periwinkle, even his best friend Donghyuck. But you guess you’ll let him marinate those thoughts. 
“I want to tell you,” he says gently, “They’re just all jumbled and shit.” The best way to describe his thoughts was like a box filled with stray wires. All of them have been thrown in carelessly and now they’re knotted into one messy ball. He can’t even follow one wire if he tried. 
Now you want it out of him ASAP because what the hell is going on in his head that’s causing him to act like this that would be making him want to tell you? Dogs? Periwinkle? Donghyuck? Although you’re panicking on the inside, you remain calm and give a hum in response. You’ll just have to wait until he’s ready.
Time flies and the shift is finished, leaving just a smidge of work left needing to be done for the final shift. Even with the mural not complete, it was already at the point where it did look finished. But with the sun setting, you’re not able to catch a good look at the work with its deserved lighting. 
“I’ll walk you home,” Renjun says from behind you. You’re surprised he even offers to do so, especially since he seemed to be preoccupied with his thoughts. Despite this, you don’t refuse because you’re not sure if this would be the last time Renjun would be walking you home. Besides, you want to spend as much time as you can with him. 
“How are those thoughts in your head?” you question. You both are halfway to your dorm and Renjun’s been mute the entire way. This was your way of pushing some sort of statement out of him because you’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious. 
Renjun huffs and hums to indicate that he’s thinking of a response, “Do you ever think a certain way about something but…  I don’t know, you have some sort of conflict with yourself about those same thoughts and feelings?”
You pause and think about what Renjun’s trying to get at, but he’s being unclear, “In what context?”
Renjun turns to look at you, “It’s hard to put it into words but it’s like… new thoughts you feel like shouldn’t even be there but are there. It’s not like they’re forbidden or bad, but it’s just weird.” He sees your building growing close. 
“Hmm…” A part of you knows exactly what he’s talking about, “I get what you mean.” 
“How would you handle them?”
“I think that those feelings wouldn’t be there in the first place if you weren’t actually feeling them… or considering them at least.” If you could laugh out loud right now, you would. But you weren’t really risking looking like a maniac in front of Renjun. Your response to Renjun was something you’ve been telling yourself ever since Yeji had you questioning your own feelings for your friend a few nights ago. You only came to actually accept them now. 
“But I don’t think you should overthink whatever’s going on up there,” you bring a finger up to his temple and tap it gently, “Chances are that it isn’t as big of a problem as you think.” Then you laugh, “You know, this is one of the things that gave me a bad impression of you at first. You think too much.” Renjun playfully rolls his eyes in response.
You walk ahead of Renjun to open the door. You don’t notice that he’s looking at you with brighter eyes because you’re right. Renjun let pessimism win and its got his mind preoccupied with what can’t happen when there was still chances of you reciprocating his feelings (or at least, what he believed were feelings).
“Wait,” Renjun stops you at the door. He’s standing at the bottom of the steps with you at the top and he realizes now that there’s no turning back from what he’s about to do, “I have my thoughts sorted out now.”
“Okay…” You let the door go and turn to him expectantly, “I’m listening.”
Renjun swallows the saliva in his mouth and he feels his heart pick up in pace. Yeah…  here goes nothing. “You know when I first met you, I really didn’t think for a second that I would even like you as a friend. Almost everything between the two of us clashed, but now looking back at it all, we were being stupid and childish.
“That one day when you bought me a drink during our shift… I think that’s when I knew that there was a chance for us to not hate each other. I know it’s a small gesture, but it was the fact you did something nice despite the fact we weren’t getting along. It was sort of a wake up call for me. 
“Then everything since then and up ‘til now… the conversations we’ve had, the walks back to the dorms, the visit at the retirement home… I feel like my feelings did a whole one-eighty.”
Renjun takes a step up towards you and exhales a quiet breath, “I…I think I like you. A lot.” He doesn’t know where to look. “And it angers me thinking about how the mural is going to be finished because then I won’t have an excuse to see you anymore.” His head drops for a quick second before he tries to gather his last few drops of confidence before finally looking up at you, waiting for a response of your own.
You’re taken aback by Renjun’s confession, simply because you genuinely didn’t see it coming. It’s hard for you to create the perfect sequence of words to say to him. Your mouth hangs open and all you can say is, “Renjun…” 
Renjun’s heart drops immediately with the implication that whatever you’re going to say is bad and he stumbles backwards, almost falling back from the stair he was standing on. “I’ll… see you next shift.” And at that Renjun’s walking away.
°•. ✿ .•° 
You’re sitting across the street from the daycare, staring at the almost-finished mural. You’re waiting for Renjun to come and judging by the time on your phone’s screen, he’s twelve minutes late, which was funny because he never was late. Not even once. 
You can see Joy sitting at her desk through the window while there are kids running around in the play area behind her. You wonder if she’s wondering where the two of you are. It’s the last shift of this gig and you guys are late. Shouldn’t you both be early to get it over with?
Huffing you decide to make your way in. It wouldn’t hurt to get the supplies ready without Renjun. That way, when he arrives, you both can start. 
“Afternoon, Y/N,” Joy looks up and around her computer screen, “Last shift!”
“I know!” you say excitedly, “I can’t believe it. Sorry for being a bit late.”
She shakes her head, “It’s no problem at all. You guys are almost finished, anyways.”
The door behind you squeaks open and you turn to find Renjun slipping through the doorway. His face shows no expression when he makes eye contact with you, but greeting Joy, he offers a small smile. They have a quick exchange, similar to what you just had with her, before you both are sent to grab the supplies. 
It felt negatively nostalgic, the way he was avoiding eye contact with you as you bring everything out. It was awfully similar to when you both still didn’t get along and you didn’t like it. 
You peek at him through the corner of your eye, heart skipping a beat. You can tell he’s forcing himself to focus on the task at hand. He’s leaning in extra close to the wall, shoulder blade turned towards you in hopes to not to feel tempted to talk to you. 
But it was odd. Only because he’s grown so used to your conversations. 
The silence goes on for a while (it was just eighteen minutes, but it felt much longer), and everytime you think Renjun’s finally going to say something, he doesn’t. There’s some kind of heavy atmosphere engulfing the both of you and you could feel yourself practically suffocating because of it. 
You decide to take matters into your own hands. Besides, you were the reason why he wasn’t talking in the first place. You were the reason why there’s this sort of tension between the two of you. “You know you left before I could even give you a proper response.”
Renjun’s breathing hitches at the sound of your voice, his movements halting simultaneously. “Judging by how you first answered, I didn’t think there was anything to hear.” He keeps doing whatever he was doing, but in his peripheral vision, he can see you turn to look at him. “I listened to you,” you say, “So now it’s only fair you listen to me.”
Renjun hesitates for a moment, but he slowly drops his hand before turning to look at you. 
“That night, I was going to say that I felt the same about you,” you say nervously. You’re straight to the point, only because you knew Renjun deserved to hear what you knew he wanted to hear three nights ago. “I just… couldn’t find the words to tell you that. Cause hearing me say that, it’s actually lame as hell compared to your confession.”
Your heart decides to use the inside of your chest as a drum and next thing you know you’re facing the wall. You try to busy yourself by finishing the last part of the mural’s details. Your cheeks heat up and you continue tentatively, “I can’t even exactly remember when my feelings for you started to become more than friendly-type feelings? I don’t even know if that makes sense… I just… started to notice that I couldn’t even handle these weird tickling feelings in my chest when I’m around you and I could not, for the life of me, stop them, but it’s not like I wanted to. Fuck, this is embarrassing.”
You’re starting to ramble. Cute, Renjun thinks, holding back a smile.
Putting the paintbrush down, he swiftly places himself next to you. As distracted as you were with your long, long train of thought, you don’t notice him standing next to you. 
“But I remember, at the retirement home… one of the old ladies put the idea of you and me being a couple in my head and I didn’t hate the idea of it… I think that’s when I actually realized that I liked–” You muster up enough courage to look at Renjun and you’re met with him looking down at you with adoration—the same ones the night that he confessed, “—you.”
There’s an entire marching band of butterflies in your chest and you’re sure as hell that Renjun can hear them with how close he was. The look in his eyes makes you want to melt into a puddle right in front of him, but you’ve embarrassed yourself enough. 
“You have some paint on your face,” he says softly. You gasp and foolishly try to spot the smudge of paint on yourself. 
If only you knew that Renjun was shamelessly lying. 
Without another word, Renjun reaches for your face, lifting it up with the inner edge of his thumb. Then he whispers, “I-I’ll get it for you. If that’s okay?” 
You’re too stunned to even say anything. All you’re able to do is nod. 
Renjun brings his lips down to yours and as if your heart conducted the band of butterflies in your body, they halt for a beat and a half before taking over once again. His lips press against yours softly at first, and once Renjun recognizes that everything happening within this very moment was perfect, he allows himself to fall into the kiss, bringing you two closer. 
The paintbrush in your hand falls to the ground and your hands instinctively find their way up to Renjun’s shoulders, using them to pull you up closer to him, deepening the kiss. 
It truly was perfect—if you ignored the fact that the two of you were probably being watched by anyone and everyone in the daycare—but the moment felt perfect. 
When you both finally pull away, Renjun’s eyes scan your face before he breaks out into a smile, bringing you to mirror it. “Did you get it?”
He nods. “Yeah… I did.”
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BONUS SCENE!
When Renjun asked you to come back to volunteer for another Throwback Thursday, you were no fool to refuse. You’ve actually been waiting for him to ask you to join him again right after the first one ended—Renjun was just a few weeks late. 
“That concludes this week’s Throwback Thursday!” You say, looking over at the residents, “I really want to thank you all for participating and I hope you all enjoyed it.” You can see the residents smiling, clapping their hands. 
As the residents start to file out of the room, you turn the mic off, and you spin around to look at Renjun who’s seated behind the piano, “You almost made me cry.” Even after hearing his voice for the first time, you’re still taken aback by how captivating Renjun’s singing was. You don’t think you’ll ever get tired of it. 
Renjun’s brows furrow, “What do you mean I almost made you cry!?” He stands up and approaches you in subtle panic, “Did I hurt you in some way or form or–“
“Jun,” you laugh, “Your singing almost made me cry.”
Renjun pauses and steps back, “Oh… then I guess that’s a good thing?” You nod and bring a finger up to poke his cheek which was pulled into a semi-pout. Seeing your finger from a mile away, he attempts to bite it gently but quickly retracts. 
“Y/N! Sweetie!” You’re attention is pulled from Renjun to the same lady as last time. The one who made the ‘couple’ comment. She’s gotten a hair cut since you last visited, so you almost don’t recognize her, but she has the same smile. She’s waving  for you to come to her and you do without hesitation. 
“You don’t know how happy we all were when Renjun said you were coming in today!” She exclaims, “That’s why there were more people that came in today because they heard good stuff from last time.”
“Do you think I lived up to those ‘good things’,” you question, “I would have done better if I knew people had expectations.”
She nods. “I believe you did. Everyone had fun today.” 
“Well, that’s good to hear then.”
You watch as her eyes flicker between you and Renjun, who was gathering the papers from the piano, “I’m sensing something’s going on between you two.” A smirk appears on her still-youthful face and you suddenly feel your cheeks heat up. 
“You were right about last time, “ you say shyly, “We’re dating now.”
She lets out a sound of delight, hands coming together to make one loud clap sound. “Oh I told you so, sweetheart! This is what I love to see! Does this mean you’ll be coming more often?”
Renjun joins you two quietly and you nod, “I sure hope so.”
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‣ an: hey you! you there who finished my fic! I love you sosososososo much for taking your time to actually read this entire thing (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ) <— [that’s me ugly crying] but I really do hope you enjoyed it,, maybe let me know what your fav part was? If you didn’t enjoy it (even a lil smidge) I’m sorry about that (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ) I’ll do better next time I swear (despite that though, I’m still thankful you read it <3)
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its-the-sa · 9 months
Note
it is serious. the ship just comes off as nasty to me and i dont understand it
oh, then I'm sorry for being dismissive. I thought you were just a hater lol.
but in all seriousness, if a ship seems nasty to you, then a logical explanation of it is probably not going to change your mind. squicks are just gut reactions, so it doesn't really matter whether or not you understand the thing that squicks you. and that's ok! if the ship makes you uncomfortable, you should just block the rw regicide tag (or in my case you should probably just block me entirely lol )
but since you did ask sincerely, I'll at least try to explain why I ship it:
basically, I'm just a sucker for the 'enemies to lovers' trope and the 'villain redemption' trope. show me any two characters who fit both of those, and I'll probably ship it lol
I like villain redemption, because I like tragic villains. I like villains whose actions are inexcusable, but understandable. villains who lash out due to grief and end up doing horrible things in the throes of rage. and I like making them feel bad about it. I like villains who know they are monsters, who know they have done despicably evil things and truly hate themselves for it. and I like giving them a second chance. I like to see them feel remorse and turn away from evil and try to become better people.
and I like enemies to lovers because... well, for a lot of reasons that would probably take several thesis papers to unpack, lmao. but basically there's just something really intimate about two characters who can handle each other at their absolute worst, when no one else can. arti is like an unstoppable force of rage until she meets scav king, who is like an immovable object to her. he's willing to fight her and kill her as many times as he needs to, but he never strikes first, and he always gives her the chance to back down. and since he does have min aggression and max sympathy, I see him as the type of person who would easily forgive someone who is genuinely remorseful. he doesn't want to keep the cycle of violence and hatred going; whenever arti is ready to let go of her rage and stop the bloodshed, so is he. when she's ready to face the consequences of her actions and try to become a better person, he would rather support her than condemn her. he doesn't necessarily expect his people to forgive her, and he doesn't try to make excuses for her or downplay any of the harm she caused. i just think he could personally look at arti and find someone worth caring about underneath all the rage and hate, and in turn she could look at him and find someone she can trust enough to let all that hate go and admit she was wrong.
obviously, this type of relationship could never happen in real life (or if it did, it would be a fucking toxic disaster). but they're just characters, so their relationship doesnt have to be realistic, and I just want their story to have a happy ending I guess.
idk if any of this makes sense to you, but it's fine if not. you don't always have to understand why people like things that you don't like, it's ok to just block them for your own peace of mind. so if this ship still makes you uncomfortable, feel free to block me, I wouldn't take offense. stay safe and remember that fandom is for having fun , so dont stress out about it too much!
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autistichalsin · 9 months
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Okay, I’ve been a bit scared because I’ve been observing from the sidelines, but I do want you to know this isn’t a hateful or troll ask, I’m genuinely asking for clarification.
In my experience, “pro-shipping” has always meant ‘problematic shipping’, and all of the people I’ve talked to about this have said the same thing.
Am I the one who’s misconstrued? I really don’t get it.
Being called “pro-harassment” or “pro-censorship” is hurtful and confusing as all hell.
I don’t harass people for what they create. I don’t care to do that. I block and move on, and warn people if I know they could be upset by the content.
But I also don’t understand how certain things are justified.
I am personally not bothered by much, but I have watched friends and acquaintances go through visceral traumatic reactions because people have decided to air out their coping by sharing it with the public. (I.E, people who write romantic incestual fics, etc)
I don’t give a shit what people write. I really don’t. But it feels harmful to use the excuse of coping when you, in turn, could be hurting dozens of others.
Like I said, I genuinely am not trying to be hateful here. I’m confused, and still distraught that all of this is happening. I don’t think anyone deserves to be harassed. I just also don’t get the logic here.
Pro-shipping never once meant problematic shipping. It meant opposite of "anti" because antis would come and invade the tags and asks, calling them all kinds of names if they found their ships distasteful.
Sorry that being indirectly accused of supporting harassment hurt your feelings. Imagine how I felt, being DIRECTLY accused of supporting rape in real life because of my taste in fiction. You are throwing in your lot with people who can't distinguish fantasy and reality.
I don't like incest fics either, anon. They are triggering for me. So you know what I do? I don't read fics tagged as incest. For that reason, I have never been triggered by an incest fic. I suppose I would be if I read an incest fic that wasn't tagged as much, but you will never find a single pro-shipper who defends posting such content without a tag. You are responsible for your own experience online; it is your job to curate the content.
If it was just seeing that the fic exists that triggered the response, then I'm sorry to say they're still in the wrong. As a survivor, learning that triggers exist and how to navigate those triggers is on you. We are responsible for how we deal with our trauma. Your friends didn't deserve their traumas, and they deserve kindness and support, but requesting that people never be allowed to write distasteful fiction so that they don't have to be upset by the idea that someone somewhere shipped incest is not reasonable. Their feelings are valid; it's totally reasonable to be triggered, to strictly curate your online experience. It's reasonable to block everyone who ships the upsetting incest ships, to put an "incest shippers DNI" on your page, all of it. It's not reasonable to call them supporters of IRL incest or to accuse them of causing your trauma. It isn't hard at all on AO3 or Tumblr; they even give you the option to blacklist/filter out certain tags so you can avoid it without blocking users. There's easily half a dozen safeguards that already exist that are a lot less radical, a lot less likely to be weaponized against queer users, and a lot easier to enforce than trying to remove them.
Me writing fics, such as a character using kink to cope, can only harm a user who doesn't curate their feed (and who reads fics they know will trigger them, which I can only assume would then be a purposeful form of self-harm). Denying other survivors their coping mechanism, though, IS a direct form of harm. Stigmatizing recovery by saying that survivors are in any way akin to abusers for creating fiction is a direct form of harm.
It sounds to me like you've absorbed some very harmful and very narrow ideas of what recovery should and should not look like, and what is and isn't a good/valid survivor. You might want to reflect on why you're turning your attention to policing what survivors do to cope so much.
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Hello hello again! It's good to have you back for a little while! Unfortunately there is a lot of infighting in the critical sphere right now and it's not very fun to follow. And worse still Lily is as smug as ever. People are too invested in who ripped off what, who's disrespecting this or that, they should just be having fun at Lily's expense. That's what Saiscribbles has done, and you can tell how effective it is because Lily has tried every strategy in the book to prove how not mad she is.
You know what?
I think I would like to poke fun at the whole thing. I mean, it's sounds like she's gotten a bit ridiculous since I've been gone. (Ridiculous sounds like an understatement, thought.)
I've done serious and it's exhausting. You can only take her serious for so long before you realize she doesn't really even know or believe what she's saying.
As for the fighting, well... It's a shame, but let's try to focus on what's at the core of this blog: Gossiping about Lily.
...But I do have one thing I want to get off my chest, so I will mention it here and then move on. It is under the read bar just so those who don't care can ignore it.
I do have one thing to say about the drama, and that's about Ethel.
They are a liar liar pants on fire.
Seriously, I watched Evangeline Skovs video, which was one of the better coverages on the subject and there was no plagiarism. Not even of me, and I was a source!
Never mind that fact that Ethel legit lied about my blog in their rebuttal, claiming that Levi couldn't find anything on my blog about their video, or glade, so Evangeline was lying.
Their proof? Levi used the search bar, used the word minor and glade, and nothing came up except one post...
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Fun fact: I'm bad at tagging things, and my search bar is kind of useless because of that.
(Side note: why would I use glade's name? Why would I want to draw attention to someone who I assumed wanted to be left alone? I'm pretty sure that was made clear in the video.)
Anyway, if you used my archive you could easily find TONES of posts from me talking about the video in question with details.
Here's one that Ethel conveniently left out:
And you know what's hilarious about that? They reblogged this take to try and rebuke it on their tumblr. (That they have long since abandoned.)
I decided to ignore it, because obviously I'm not going to try and get in a fight with them, and Ethel was so mad by that they messaged me directly to try and threaten me with legal jargon.
So I blocked them.
But hey, since I'll probably never bother with this again, here are the messages. Enjoy old drama from like...2 years ago:
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Image text here:
[Okay, I've put this off for as long as possible, but please, read this case study as right now you are parroting harmful legal advice. Victim testimony not only constitutes evidence, but can be sufficient evidence to convict, a fact that was tested in Commonwealth v Gustavo Gonzalez Santos in Massachusetts.
I’ll highlight two relevant sections in case you don’t have the time to read the entire thing: “The defendant's sole argument on appeal is that the evidence was not sufficient to support his convictions. The defendant asserts that "there were no witnesses to the alleged assaults," "no physical evidence," "no medical or forensic evidence," and "no expert testimony." He argues that "there was absolutely no conclusive evidence presented at trial that suggested the [d]efendant's guilt beyond a reasonable doubt."” And: “Here, the victim testified to facts that constituted each element of the charged offenses. Her testimony, which the jury found to be credible, was sufficient, standing alone, to support a finding beyond a reasonable doubt as to each of the convictions. See, e.g., Commonwealth v. Lawrence, 68 Mass. App. Ct. 103, 104 (2007)
("The victim's testimony was sufficient evidence of [indecent assault and battery on a child under age fourteen]"); Commonwealth v. Gonsalves, 23 Mass. App. Ct. 184, 185 (1986) ("The victim's account of what the defendant did to him in the apartment was sufficient to overcome the defendant's motion for a required finding of not guilty of rape"). The idea that long infected our legal system that the victim's testimony in sexual assault and rape cases is less credible than the testimony of victims in cases involving other types of crimes -- an idea that reflected nothing more than sexism and an unwillingness on the part of our courts to treat sexual crimes as the gravely serious matter that they are -- has been rejected both by statute and by common law.”
When you and others continue to parrot the myth that victim testimony does not constitute as valid evidence, you are harming victims of rape and abuse. This is straight up rape culture and, since I’m pushing back any video coverage on the matter until I’ve finished dealing with Lily because I don’t want to muddle things, I need you to stop promoting falsehoods. We have legal members on our team who have passed the bar, Patchie does not, Opal does not, and neither does You Can Eat Hearts. You are causing unnecessary harm to victims by breathing life into myths constructed by rape culture. To be clear, I am not asking for your denouncement of certain people, just for you to please, stop publishing bad legal takes.
This is also the case in Canada, if you're wondering - https://www.accused.ca/evidence.htm
Sorry, I just realized I didn't give you the US case study. Here it is - http://masscases.com/cases/app/100/100massappct1.html#:~:text=The%20jury%20found%20the%20defendant,We%20affirm. ]
Oct 30, 2022 9:16 AM
Whew, you have no idea how long I wanted to spill this tea.
Alright, I've said what I've wanted to say on this topic. I'm now going to focus on laughing at Lily and her horrible incest stories.
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esmeriandreamer · 2 years
Text
Just saw someone call AO3 a "cp-website" and I'm gonna just-
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Like I know every time the Archive has a fundraiser some people will crawl out of the woodworks and spout bullcrap, but geez-
If you don't like AO3, fine, that's your opinion. But don't call it a "cp-website", nor demonize people who donate to their fundraiser, from which a large part of the funds goes to KEEPING THE SERVERS AND HAVING PROPER LEGAL PROTECTION.
You know one of the main reasons why AO3 was created? Because in the "old days", if someone didn't like the fact that you, I dunno, wrote some wholesome gay fic online, they could report it and you might just lose your whole fic without warning, because think of the children, right? And to really put icing on the cake, your account might be deleted too. 🙃
Or, like I experienced, it won't just be one or three reports that get your fic taken down. Critics United for example was a group of these ~lovely~ people who would go on people's fics and suggest (harass) the author on how to change their fic to be "improved upon" (aka sanitize the fuck out of it so there is no trace of what they saw as gross/bad/wrong/cringe/sinful/etc.). If they didn't manage to harass you into deleting, they'd just mass report you.
I got literal death and rape threats for writing a Spamano version of Beauty and the Beast, told I was a criminal and that my parents should've killed me in my crib.
ALL OVER A STUPID LITTLE SELFINDULGENT FIC.
They even went so far as to track my username down from Fanfiction.net to Wattpad, and only once I got it on AO3 was the story able stay up because they had no way of harassing or reporting me like they could before, because I could easily turn my comments off to "registered users only" or even to "moderate comments." and that scared them off.
This was in 2016 by the way. Not even a decade ago. Now I could even block people if I want on AO3, so it gets harder to harass me, even if I did care.
But like yes, I agree on the fact that fics with cp are allowed on the site is rather gross. I would never write nor read it. But you know what helps with this?
AO3 HAS THIS TAGGING SYSTEM IN WHICH YOU CAN TAG AND FILTER OUT THE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE, SUCH AS FICS WITH THE UNDERAGE WARNING :D
And guess what? It works great! I never have to see fics with cp in it, because I filter my fics. And even if I see that I accidentally clicked on a fic like that? I click out of the page and move the fuck on.
People on AO3 can and have written the most repulsive shit known to man, but more often than not, it's tagged with big warnings in the description. I have read cringy and horrifying fics that still made me nauseous to think back on, that have changed how I look at certain characters. And guess what?
THEY STILL DESERVE TO EXIST AND BE READ BY OTHERS.
Besides, there is a very fine line as to what some people define concepts like cp. Like I define it as minors being forced/manipulated into sexual situations, while others might look at an adult anime character who looks like a little kid and say that they shouldn't be sexualized. We are both correct in our own digital space there.
I don't like "shota/lolita" nsfw stuff, others do, and so I am just letting those people be and I avoid that content. Same with scat, or watersports, or cnc. Avoid, click away, goodbye. I don't demand that all "they look young but they're actually an adult!" types of media should be banned, nor that people who enjoy (reading about) sex with bodily fluids should be publically shamed, or that people who consentually enjoy the dark fantasty of being forced should be treated like an actual rapist.
And that's really what this is about. Don't like it, don't read/look at it. This whole "but they are allowing xyz and I don't like that!!" argument is basically becoming the same right-wing argument as "but I see xyz as wrong/bad/a sin and therefor nobody should be allowed to enjoy it."
If AO3 were to be forced to ban one thing, like people dealing with their childhood SA by writing a fic about it, who is to say they won't be forced to ban something like CNC next? What about kink? Queerness? Because that is the road a lot of right-wing people want you antis to take.
It's a main reason AO3 has fundraisers. For the servers to stay up. For legal support when a company claims fanfic is bad. For times that those things might get more expensive to maintain.
And because AO3 is of the few websites that allow everyone, especially queer people, to make art and have that art be protected from those that wish to destroy anything they do not like. And yes, that protection includes protecting work made by "bad" people.
So chill, skip over that fic you don't want to see, don't donate to or interact with AO3 if you don't want to, and maybe touch some grass? That would be great.
Rant over uwu
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eschergirls · 5 months
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Hi everybody!  
It's May (my birth month!) so it's time for another site update and to thank all our wonderful Patreon supporters!
First, we're still updating the site layout to be more user friendly.  Mobile users should have noticed that the site is a lot easier to navigate and no longer has the floating widget that blocks most of the image.  The desktop web browser layout is next to get an overhaul which I hope will make the front page more engaging.  We'll also be adding a tag cloud and a glossary and index of tags so it'll be easier for people to look through the archives. The glossary should explain what some of the terms like "boobsocks" (clothing that encases each breast separately like socks), "boob flounder" (both breasts on one side of the body), etc... mean.
If anybody has any other suggestions to improve the site's usability and readability, please let me know.  I'm very interested in feedback. 
A reminder, for those who want to follow us without using Tumblr, we have an RSS feed. (For newbies, RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication and is basically a feed you can read using an RSS reader. Simply copy and paste https://eschergirls.com/rss.xml into an RSS reader and it will keep you up to date on Escher Girls!)
Second, as usual, I've been working through restoring all the broken/poorly formatted/un-alt-texted posts from the past.  That's like 10 years of posts, so it takes a while.  This month my major restorations are these 3 "Legacy of the Phoenix" Marvel Max covers which has that infamous "peeling thong" image, this Magic Knight Armageddon card of a sexy elven Spartan, and the entire "Chronicles of the Dragon Knights"/"La Geste de Chevaliers Dragons" tag which includes 2 posts that have lengthy discussions from commenters about the work and what they think of it which may or may not be interesting to people. There's also a submission and redraw of a Tetris girl by Junodog.
I'm still working my way through the Tumblr inbox backlog, so if you submitted a post a long time ago, you might see it pop up in the near future.  I'm really sorry how long it takes for me to get to older submissions, Tumblr's inbox works in reverse chronological order so things get buried really easily.  I'm also still appealing the many incorrectly flagged posts on Tumblr, but the responses are automated and arbitrary (the algorithm seems to have a hard time knowing what actual nudity is because they constantly flag single coloured full bodysuits as nudity xD ).
Anyway, now I want to thank all of the wonderful Patreon supporters.  I really appreciate the support on Patreon and Ko-Fi because it helps me keep the site independently run from having to rely just on Tumblr or any other platform, and allows us to make site upgrades and make the site more accessible to people with disabilities.  Your support helps me pay for the domain, hosting, and other upgrades. <3
So I want to give a huge sincere thank you to everybody who supported Escher Girls on Patreon in April!
Thank you so very much to:
Anne Adler Cat Mara CheerfulOptimistic  Chris McKenzie Em Bardon First Time Trek Greg Sepelak Ian Cameron Ken Trosaurus Kevin Carson Kim Wincen Leak  Manuel Dalton Mary Kuhner Max Schwarz Michael Mazur Miriam Pody Morgan McEvoy randomisedmongoose Rebecca Breu Ringoko  Ryan Gerber Sam Mikes Sean Sea SpecialRandomCast  Thomas 
And of course, thank you so much to everybody in general for reading the site, engaging with it and leaving comments, and submitting stuff to do the site.  Reading your comments often makes me laugh quite a bit, and makes running the site very worth it. :)
Thanks so much to everybody again!
Ami
If you have any issues with the site or suggestions to improve it, please do not hesitate to contact me and let me know!
If you wish to support Escher Girls, you can subscribe to our Patreon at: https://www.patreon.com/ami_angelwings or donate through Ko-Fi at: https://ko-fi.com/amiangelwings.
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Adult sex-repulsed ace here: Is it wrong to block people who post/reblog sexual artwork as well as other sexual things? (I'm talking nsfw, fetish stuff, sexual in topic, being horny on main) It's not a on a personal level as I'm sure these people are decent, happy and comfortable with their sexuality. But there's stuff I don't want in my feed because they make me uncomfortable and distressed. I don't mind artistic nudity or if something is a little bit suggestive, but I block a lot of nsfw accs because it's not for me and I just don't like being around horny circles. I just feel kinda bad about it since I associate blocking as in you hate someone. Also it locks doors to others who might actually be cool ppl :/
...Yeah I don't know, man, honestly blocking is very much a matter of personal feeling so I can't say if it's "wrong" or "right" TwT I very rarely block myself, honestly, it surprises me that I even do sometimes now, so I wouldn't know for others.
What I'll say is, I guess, there's no ideal situation. If you can block tags instead of blocking people that could be helpful maybe, but I've never done so myself so I don't know how well that works, and that's even assuming there ARE tags on the posts that you can easily block. So yeah, it's kind of either you block them and possibly lock those doors and risk upsetting people (though I guess a disclaimer might clarify things still? Maybe?), or you don't block them but you expose yourself to the risk of seeing stuff that upsets you.
It's kinda like how you can go on AO3 to see how the fandom engaged with certain characters, and block off anything tagged as sexual and end up with like 2 fics as opposed to the original 150 or something. There's not really an ideal outcome, and it's nobody's fault specifically really, it's just unfortunate conditions – but maybe out of those "not-ideal" outcomes there might be one that still feels a little bit better. It's up to you really.
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Welcome to my criticism and drama blog!
Here is where I'll most criticize shows, films, other artist/content creators and such as well as talking about drama.. Originally, I use to do this on my main blog but after recent events I decided to separate it since I know that some of my followers may be sick and tired of me getting into fights with weirdos or helluva/hazbin stans for just wanting to express my opinions. Please note that I may do a lot of ranting on this blog as well as critiquing some series that you may like, if you are a huge fan of said series or a stan.. for your own mental health (I can't stress this enough) PLEASE do not follow me or interact with me, PLEASE block or ignore me if you do not wanna hear me criticize someone you look up to or a show/movie/game that you really really REALLY enjoy and you don't see any "flaws" in it. ‧₊˚🌈✩ Remember, Shows, Movies, Games and everyone else are not flawless.. we all have our flaws ‧₊˚🌈✩
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. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹
~Small Info about me~
. I’m Panromantic, Polyamory and Genderfluid going by He/She/They/Them pronouns.. I came out as Genderfluid last year (2022)
. I don’t like receiving messages that is literally just ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ (unless it’s from a close friend or someone i know) because I get easily panicked so I rather you just get straight to the point xp /nbr
. My bad for not including this here until now but, if you are reblogging my critic posts towards Vivziepop, Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel.. PLEASE do not use any "anti" tags because I'm not anti helluva boss or hazbin hotel, yes, I hate Viv but I do not hate her series plus, I do not want to be seen as an "anti Vivzie" to the stans since they already have that "all critics are evil" mindset no thanks to her and I do not want it to get worse.
. Please be aware that I will be sharing or talking about adult topics that some people may find sensitive, I'll put the appropriate tags if I do mention said topic . I will be criticizing series like Helluva Boss, Hazbin hotel, Muffins and people like Vivziepop, Reitanna Seishin.. If this is not your liking then I highly advise that you don't follow this blog. . Another thing to note is yes, I am a fan of Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel and Muffins but however I obviously do NOT support the creator (Yes, I am those type of people that believe that you can seperate art from artist in some cases) Also YES, you can criticize someone while also liking it too.
. I'll also be criticizing fandoms and communities (communities like people who support proshipping)
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HUGE DNI LIST ALERT
Do not interact with me if you are the following or support the following: - You are a Reitanna Seishin Stan. - You are a Vivziepop Stan. - You support Pedophilla/lolicon/Shotacon. - You support Zoophilla, Necrophilla or anything problematic. - You support Proship, profic (Yes, I do realize there are some people that label theirselves profic while not fetishizing/romanticizing problematic content but still, this is mostly aiming at people who DO), non-con, comship ect. - You are homophobic, transphobic, racist, zionist, sexist, ableist or basically just a problematic person in general. -You support bullying people for just drawing non-problematic art (like scenecore, canon x oc ship art, canon x self-insert ship art or what people consider "cringe") - You are a trump supporter.
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♥・*:.。 。.Social Media Links♥・*:.。 。.:*・゚♡・*:
 [Adoptables Account] [Roblox account] [BluSky] [Strawpage]
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popculturebuffet · 1 month
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With Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon originals covered, may as well put this in full circle with Disney TVA (only bringing up non-preschool stuff and the half-hour ones to make it simple). Who is your favorite character from the 1987-92 half of the Disney Afternoon era cartoons you saw like: Adventures of the Gummi Bears, The Wuzzles, DuckTales 1987, The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers, TaleSpin, Darkwing Duck, The Little Mermaid 1992, Raw Toonage, and Goof Troop?
I haven't seen Gummi Bears or Wuzzles, though the former's theme song kicks ass and I love that it keeps getting brought up. Ducktales 87: *womp womp womp womp womp womp* Faviorite character is Webby. It was a shockingly easy choice but she's adorable, and while she has a cutsey nature a lot of the time it's oftset by her genuine heart and pluck. She'll gladly tag along, and while she'll cry and be more emotinal because well.. 80's kid show version of what they think a little girl is, those emotoins often ground her against her peers, less in the cliche
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Way and more simply by having more of a heart than scrooge (who shuts his off but Webby is one of the few people that can bring out his warm caring side) and the boys (Who are often sexist dicks who need to get thrown into a volcano tekken stylez to learn a lesson). Her reboot self IS better in pretty much every way
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But it's comparing a character who got a lot of layers and came out in an era where women were actually writing the character. So the comparison is hard.
So as for the show itself.. it's decent. It has gorgeous animation, captures barks style well and throws in it's own touches with webby and launchpad (and beakly but unlike the og webby who I feel is underated, og ms beakley sucks as much as her reputation), and later Gizmoduck. It's a solid series and it's easy to see why it set off the disney afternoon and disney tva as a whole; while gummi bears proved it was possible, Ducktales proved it could be a roaring success and that putting good money into animation was just good sense. The show changed animatoin.
I respect the show but admit it's just.. okay to me. It's not bad, I wouldn't mind reviewing more episodes , plug plug plug shill shill shill, but it just dosen't really hit me the way some of the other cartoons in this block or later disney stuff does. IT's a fine adaptatoin, decent enough and Alan Young is THE scrooge, with David Tennant a close second, but it's just not something I seek out. Granted i'm bad at watching shows that are just sitting ther eon D+ but while I enjoyed what I saw before the reboot back when I had the dvd, it's one of those shows that was worldshaking then but now is just.. okay> Not bad, still specail, but just not for me. Maybe that'll change if I see some of the later episodes, I feel my opinon could easily evolve, but for now it's just a fine part of the lore and worthy of adding to the cannon , but not for me.
As a bonus since all of the shows adapted are present i'll also throw my opinons in on the nes games as one of the first things I got for my PS4 was the disney afternoon collection and while I intend to review these games in full at some point (Again comms are open for those intrested) . So in order: Ducktales is really good, a solid platformer whose only real flaws are difficulty (not as bad in an age of rewinds) and the amazon requiring a cash gate. Really fun platformer. The second one is decent, not quite as good but I do like the adition of adapters like mega man.. even if said addition left me stuck at one point bu tthat's ag ripe for another day.
Finally we have remastered, another one to review some day and a beautiful well game you can still find on steam and I have on both there and x-box 360. like with the disney afternoon collection it was one of my first purchases when I got one again about two years back. It feel slike a grand and proper finale to the cartoon, bringing back everyone who was alive at the time, having vibrant animation and ending on a wonderful note. IT's only real issues are difficulty once again and the fact the lovingly crafted story to justify each level does eat up a bit of time in each level and breaks the momentum. I wish we'd get another platformer like this from disney though I intend to try illusion island at some point.
The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh: Eeore. Always. Honestly haven't seen this one outside of some vauge recoltions of catching it on disney channel as a kid, so I can't say much but unless they made him a giant sentient fart cloud that kicks tigger in the gonad I doubt my answer would change.
Chip N Dale: Gadget. She's the kind voice of reason, and can be real funny. The show itself.. is mid. I've reviewed a few episodes at this point and the show is fine, it just leans into cliches a bit, which being a late 80's show, isn't suprising. It's got some creative energy, a standout ep or two and some shockingly adult content, but it dose'nt have ducktales grandness or the next two's energy and vibe. It's just kinda a kids show As for the NES games the first is like the show itself: fine, kinda forgetable, probably not bad to at least check it out. The second on the other hand is a shocking leap in quality: the sprites are more detailed, it evolves on the pick up stuff and throw it gameplay, and gives the game an actual plot.. an excuse plot still but one fitting the show and shockingly detailed for an early 90's videogame. Well worth checking out.
Talespin: OH OH OH OH OH OH SPIN IT!. I've made my love for what i've seen of talespin (I badly need to watch more) very clear. My faviorite is Sheer Khan, a villian whose a nice mix of caluating and honorable: unlike most buisness scumbags, while he will do shady stuff, he does so right and can be our heroes ally, enemy or a neutral party depending on the day, utterly respecting higher for higher but not being afraid to go against them if needed with cold, calculating percision. A perfect adaptation
As for the show itself.. it's a lot of fun. Granted the 1930's 40's pulp adventure setting with plans, tons of gorgeous tropic vistas and eiral acrobatics is for me: I love a good plane, and I love this kind of 40's set story if done right. See INdiana Jones. So it works. it has a great main cast, fun antagonists, and a great setting. Unlike Ducktlaes the episodic nature dosen't bother me as much because they vary it up more, sometimes adventuring around cape suzette sometimes doing globetrotting. It all depends on what the episode needs and this show is sensatoinal The nes game is a tad hard, you WILL die and you WILL need that rewind, easily the hardesdt of the bunch.. but I can't hate it being fun, breezy and having a kickass chiptune version of the theme. Granted it's also because I just love this cartoon so much, so i'm an easy mark, but it is a lot of fun and I feel dosen't get the respect it deserves.
Darkwing Duck: Negaduck, the perfect arch enemy. While Darkwing has a solid as hell Rogues Gallery, Negaduck has that extra menace, being one of the very few foes of his that comes off as menacing, with Jim Cummings low growl feeling perfect. He's everything Drake COULD be and worse: Cold, arrogant, murderous and yet he still fits the zany tone, gladly whipping out a chainsaw or engaging in slapstick just enough to make him not feel jarring iwth the show as a whole, but not enough to undercut his menance
The show itself is great and I REALLY wish we'd gotten that reboot. But the original is really good: like ducktales or chip n dales it's got a very loose continuity and i've talked at length about how the episode order is a styigan labyrinth from which few escape. But it mostly works.. by being funny. When it isn't it's mid and i've reviewed plenty of episodes I didn't like.. but when it's working, it REALLY works, having a ton of laughs, a suprising amount of heart, and a really fun well thought out prtoaganist: part egotist, part genuinely heroic, part judgemental fuckup, all darkwing duck
The final NES game covered here and easily my faviorite. Granted it's partly a prefrence thing: I'm a HUGE mega man fan, so getting a game tha'ts essentially another nes mega man but still perfectly caputres the spirit of darkwing duck is an easy sell. The game is HARD, though rewind helps.. but man if it isn't fun. Like all 6 games, capcom put a lot of heart into it and a lot of effort into matching the style of the show. And while the music for all 6 games slaps, darkwing has the best soundtrack by far, perfectly fitting the show, the foes all fitting the zany superhero parody feel an di'ts impressive given the game was clearly put into production early into the shows run using production materials as everyone works for fowl like in an early pitch.. and yet despite this the game is juts pitch perfect.
The Little Mermaid 97: I'm only including this because like winnie the pooh I defintely saw it once in a while, but I dont' remember it. Sorry.
Raw Toonage: I've only seen the episode I recently reviewed and it was.. okay. The first segment was like living in a living nightmare and bonkers sucks at least in these (His own show is probably fine, haven't seen it), adn the other two were fine. Like the concept fine enough.
Goof Troop: REPORT TO THE GOOF TROOP. I like most of the cast.. but it's Goofy. It's the boy. This is one of the best versions of him, though Goofy Movie obviously fleshed him out considerably, this is where the groundwork was laid out. Goof Troop itself is decent.. it dosen't always land or age perfectly, Max like the boys can oscelate betweeen tolerable and punch him in the head, but it's over the top fun nature, great slapstick and kicking theme song help. It's jus ta lot of fun. Budaopbobadowop YEAH
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gracieart · 1 year
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You’re seriously going to take drawing requests from A Court of Thought?!? Someone who routinely lies, gaslights, bullies, and blocks Elriels? You were truly one of my fave people on this platform but watching you pander to Eluciens…whew, the respect I’ve lost.
Hello anon. I seem to have upset another one of you.
First and foremost, I am going to draw whatever I want and I'm not going to apologize to you. Let me just get that out in the air.
And for now, we are just going to ignore how you seem entitled to me, my art, my free time, and what I decide to do so we can quickly address your concern here.
I want to preface this by saying I sat on this ask for hours because I was genuinely so confused where this came from. I literally had no idea what you were referring to. I thought ‘A Court of Thought’ was you trying to criticize me for taking art prompts for A Court of Thorns and Roses and that you were saying I do all those things you mention. Which, as you can imagine, made me very sad.
But it finally dawned on me (after one of my friends pointed it out to me) that you were referring to the comment I replied to from the blog ACourtofThought.
After that realization, your comment started to make sense… for the most part.
Now, I have never once spoken to or even heard of this person before they commented on one of my posts. I know absolutely nothing about them. I’ve never even seen one of their posts. But if what you say is true, then you should know there is no possible way I could have even heard of them before, as I have a long list of anti tags blocked and have a strict no negativity policy on all my blogs. If you knew me at all, or if I was one of your favorite people on this platform, as you claim, then you should know that about me at the very least. I make it very very clear I do not deal with that kind of negativity.
And you know, not everyone in this fandom chooses to surround themselves with negativity. I hope you free yourself from this, truly.
I am not upset that you talked down to me, hurt my feelings, and insulted me. No, I’m mostly upset about the fact that you immediately jumped to the worst conclusions about me. The fact is I simply replied to a nice comment I saw on a post I made. That’s it. You saw that and thought “Wow, this woman is siding with this person I really dislike. And she obviously knows exactly who this person is and why I dislike them so much. So how dare she!”
…That is what you thought, am I wrong?
This is unwarranted and out of context. I am not “pandering” to Eluciens. I was simply asking my very kind mutuals, who happen to like that ship, if they had any prompts they wanted me to draw. And I tagged Elucien in that post so it reached other people. I have so many nice and genuine friends on here who ship all kinds of things, and I want to create something that makes them happy too. Is that a crime?
What if I told you I’m the exact same person I’ve always been? What if I told you that all the while I’ve been one of your “favorite people on this platform,” I’ve been doodling Elucien for some of my longest friends. Would you still have had any respect for me left to lose if you knew that all along?
I won’t talk about the ships here. If you want to know about that, go see my response to the other ask I answered yesterday.
When I first saw this ask, I’ll admit it upset me very much. So much so that I couldn’t get anything done for most of the day because I was so sad that someone would say something like this to me. But I’ve had a whole day to think about this, and I’ve come to one conclusion: I really don’t think you had much respect for me to begin with if you are so quick to turn around and talk down to me and insult me after I seemingly did something to offend you.
And if I did offend you, you could have easily just unfollowed me and moved on. But… you chose to go out of your way to insult me. Why?
I am sorry you are stuck in a place where you feel like you have to assume the worst of people. I’m sorry you have found yourself surrounded with so much negativity in this fandom. Fandom is a place for people to come together because they enjoy something, and I am truly sorry you’ve fallen into the part of the fandom that doesn’t comprehend that.
I’ll never begin to understand why people can’t see that kindness is so much easier. But at least I have a lovely circle of friends on here I can fall back on. Friends who have different opinions, who ship different things, or like other stuff. Friends who are in a completely different circle, but are the kindest, most compassionate people I’ve ever met.
Anon, I truly wish for you to find that for yourself. Try surrounding yourself with kind people who like different things. You will be so much happier. Trust me. There are so many nice people out there once you step outside your own circle.
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mika-0730 · 4 months
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I've been doing a bunch of thinking around a lot of things since starting my leave and thought it was time to make a new intro post after slightly changing up my URL and thinking about who "I" am.
Intro time!!
I'm Mika! 30s poly transbian (she/her)! This blog will be NSFW, so keep that in mind when following/viewing. I'm typically kinda noisy, happy-go-lucky and klutzy, a failwife office lady who loves to make delicious food and gets easily flustered. I'm the type who could help lead a ransomware recovery event, but can also forget what i had for breakfast and can barely function on a day to day basis.
Content will be explicitly for ladies and enbies (and whatever Identity you have between those), men are welcome to hang out but don't be weird or you'll get a block.
I lean more femme x femme and t4t, but can be a good bit flexible around that.
I'm a Switch, though I'm unsure if domme or sub leaning, depends on my mood. Definitely top leaning, but not opposed to bottoming for people i trust. Haven't had many opportunities for that, so i can't say whether i do or don't love it.
This blog will be my main one, including general NSFW content. Lots of art, cooking, titties, and things i find relatable. I'm chronically disabled with fibromyalgia and a few injuries, so you'll probably see some posts around that as well.
I do have thoughts on a lot of the hot topic trans rights, sexuality, and gender things, but i probably won't talk about them too much. My general philosophy is i won't judge you for them, and i hope we can be civil around what we agree and disagree on.
If i unfollow you, it's me saying "i think we're cool but I'm not a big fan of the things you post for one reason or another. Still down with having you around"
If i softblock you, it's me saying "i think you're fine but not a person i really wanna be around. If you wanna follow me back you can, but i might not interact with you too much"
If i block you, you can eat shit and fuck off.
If we're mutuals, feel free to ask for my discord, flirt, send me a random message, down for all kinds of interactions with friends (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)
I have a side blog for more personal NSFW talk, and heavier kinks, but I'm not sharing that one. You'll know it when you see it, and if you really want it I'm not opposed to giving it out to certain people
@screams-of-the-siren is my vent blog now, where I'm going to try and keep my diary like readmores and frustrations
You may come across my alter, @one-moof-too-few , who's still generally developing. They've been through a hard time getting me to a safe place over the past near two decades, but they're generally friendly if a bit distant.
Tags ever growing, but below
#Relatable!!! - things that i find relatable
#art - art i like
#cuties - people i find cute
#my loves - my absolute favorites, the ones i would do almost anything for and would let do so many things for me
#mikachuuuu 💗💗 - Hatsune Miku art
#Lewd Posts - stuff i find NSFW. More sex based rather than nudity, but poses can make a massive difference in my thoughts
#Tech tips - things i find useful
#capitalism is a disease - politics tag. Some flavor of communist, can get along with anarchists okay, but if you're a Rep, Dem, or a libertarian you can fuck off. Certified genocidal joe and nancy "let them eat ice cream" hater, and no I'm not voting for a genocidal maniac who made me seek asylum from Texas while in full control of the house, Senate, and Whitehouse.
#Silicon Valley can eat my ass - the tech news i absolutely hate, typically around startups and capitalism based tech
#Tech Tips - things i find useful in technology, especially around accessibility
#i should remember this - shit i should definitely remember, wherever it being motivational or advice, that i definitely will not
#chronic pain
#fibromyalgia
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luvmoonie · 5 months
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I find it weird that someone’s first instinct is to say I'm uneducated for not supporting israel. ive done a lot of research and to say so is to take away the integrity of having a debate, instead of just being upset i don't agree with you. why is it wrong to say that israel should not have occupation over gaza? if it emboldened hamas would we not just fight against hamas instead of killing innocent civilians in the name of doing so?
to say that me saying 'it was sixth months ago' is calloused and that i'm saying everyone should get over it, is to completely misinterpret my point, so the irony of people to tag misinformation is astounding. What I meant is that to still argue that what israel are doing: starving people, killing over 30000, bombing homes and hospitals, is not easily justified with the argument of october 7th anymore, as it is completely outweighed by their inhumane genocidal actions.
There’s no denying that it was wrong and horrific, but there's even people doubting israel's claimed death toll of that day, alongside many other claims they put out. Whilst there is also speculation of claims from gaza, the claims of the idf torturing and raping prisoners alongside the rest of their actions, makes it seem weird and callous to me to argue that killing palestinians is right for this event. and yes, of course the focus is on hostages still in gaza, but is this israel's focus? what about them killing people not even involved. i’ve heard many say palestinians are not innocent also, because they voted hamas, which is the most cruel and unjust thing ive ever heard.
So, to say I have a lack of understanding is really one sided, as you clearly have a bias, and so do your rebloggers who are claiming im antisemitic when there is no claim in any of my posts that is against jews. Where in my posts is it untrue or incorrect? id really like to know because nowhere have i showed a lack of concern for lives, in fact i openly condemn the actions of hamas. maybe you all need to self reflect, because you seem to lack any consideration for the innocent palestinians if it means israel get to retaliate for hamas' actions? my original post regarding this was about the ignorance of the us and the military side of this, as this is clearly a political issue that many are projecting onto. ( which we can see with how iran have retaliated and how the uk have responded ) I'm not antisemitic, nor do i condone the killing of jews in israel. for you to say so baffles me with your narrow sighted view and complete disregard for anything ive said. it seems to me that many who have seen my post have an agenda, and are desperate to show that me being pro-palestine makes me antisemitic and pro-hamas.
I understood that making a post like this would incite many to argue for the sake of arguing, and many to completely misinterpret my words to make their point. Still, I hope you can find it in yourselves to be as sympathetic to the lives of those suffering in palestine as you are to those in israel. Please take a break from the internet and look around you to realise that this is not people discriminating against jews, it’s people being against the genocide Israel is committing with the desire for both sides to be free from this conflict.
@jewishlivesmatter I can’t tag you or even reblog your post, suggesting you’ve blocked me or something similar. This shows the propaganda and biased view you’re attempting to portray, which is really harmful if you agree with others that palestinians are not innocent and deserve this. Do better, if you’re going to spew such hatred, atleast be open to debate. 🫠 I would love to message you and actually talk about something so serious, or even reblog but clearly that was not your intent with this!
( @meandtherodentinthewall @jewishbarbies @fnafcraze1991 @jewishlivesmatter )
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lover-of-mine · 9 months
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I lost track of how many iterations of the let's drown buck in season 7 I have written out here, and I only just started considering the cruise as a location, but I have another idea to still get the elements of the shooting to have that have the same effect for Eddie as the shooting has for Buck but you can read the Buck drowning saving a random person in the cruise here, (please keep in mind that the cruise thing was not confirmed when I wrote this one so in that one I'm speculation the cruise too, I also touch base on the possibility of it happening with them saving Bobby, but I don't elaborate on that one) and Buck drowning saving Bobby here (I feel like this vision could easily be about saving Athena too, but for the sake of drama I like the idea of it being Bobby) but i think at the core they are very similar, it's just about the circumstances around it.
Okay, so, for the past few months, I have been discussing the possibility of the show drowning Buck, but it is something that I've been thinking about for a WHILE (buck drowning tag here). Because most of Buck's traumas involve water or trouble breathing, from the emergency tracheotomy on the date with Abby, to the blood clot in his lung, to the tsunami, to the way he gives his mask to the dude who's trapped and says he will hold his breath and that whole dramatic shot of him screaming with the sprinklers turning on in Buck begins, to getting struck by lightning and getting lung damage from it. Also, the first time we see him he's doing cpr on a kid who drowned, the next call is about a baby who has a blocked airway, the next one is about a woman who was being strangled and he also saves Athena from the robber by hosing him down, so pilot Buck is about breathing and water. There's also the way that water keeps trying to kill people he cares about, Bobby in the plane, Chris in the tsunami, Eddie in the well, Maddie walking into the ocean. So Buck's arcs involve water and breathing. The natural progression here is to have him drown.
Also, I've been discussing the possibility of drowning Buck while creating a moment that would work for Eddie the same way the shooting exists for Buck. That one has various iterations, I go back and forth with how that could happen. But the thing is that basically, the shooting has a few key elements that make it that intense: it happens by chance, Eddie is just in the wrong place at the wrong time, they get called there specifically since Charlie calls Eddie not 911, they're working with another house so they don't have anyone else they trust, being shot brings up a past trauma for Eddie with the army, Buck does the saving alone, Buck faces a past trauma to get to Eddie, by rolling under the truck. And what they went there to do is already done once Eddie gets shot, I keep forgetting this one.
So most of my visions involve Eddie saving Buck in a way that hits as many of those items as possible. At first, I was thinking about the trigger for the situation being Buck trying to save someone who would serve as a surrogate for someone Buck loves, a stranger who gets an extreme reaction from Buck that makes him do something stupid that gets him trapped, then with the cruise possibly being bathena's honeymoon cruise, him saving Bobby or Athena also became plausible.
But after I created this whole thing based around Bobby, my brain wouldn't stop chanting "what if it was Eddie?" because Eddie had the whole "I'm gonna die alone" and "we have time" arc at the end of season 6, and sure, he was trapped in the van alone, but his radio still worked, he had no reason to believe Buck wouldn't get to him, so like many things in season 6 that's not really closed. So I started to think about how Eddie could be the reason Eddie has to save Buck, and all the ways this could be fun for the rest of the season and a possible recovery arc for Buck. Because it's an established fact that Buck goes ballistic when Eddie is in danger and the consequences there could be fun, even more considering the way even though we are supposed to believe Buck is this daredevil type firefighter, none of his brushes with death are because he's being irresponsible, it all happens because of bad luck, so to have something happen to him because he's actively putting himself in danger for someone he loves could be really interesting for his character.
But, the thing is, Eddie is the reckless one, classically when kids are involved, climbing up to the roof of a burning house, cutting his own line, so an element that could go into play here, is Eddie doing something reckless to get to a kid while alone. Fun things that can up the stakes here is the way that considering it's a call on a massive body of water, any equipment that has electric/electronic components could malfunction, so we can get radios out of commission, different pieces of equipment too. So we can have Eddie doing something stupid, ending up trapped with a kid in some sort of room or piece of the wreckage, Buck going ballistic as usual, forcing Eddie to get out first, or maybe shoving Eddie and the kid out of the way, and something going wrong, another explosion, the ship shifting, I like the idea of equipment malfunctioning because it is also something that happens with Buck, equipment not working for him, the ladder breaking under him, the truck trapping him, with this thing that goes wrong blocking the entrance they used, so Buck would be trapped in a space filling with water he can't get out of, it takes a minute for Eddie to notice Buck didn't come out (that bit is mostly over the way Eddie is always last to know, last to look up after the lightning, the last to see Shannon, etc), since I want Eddie to have a clawing at the dirt moment, I think that having Eddie being unable to get to Buck at first would be fun, have him banging at whatever is blocking the entrance trying to break his way in and at the same time let Buck know he's coming (also I think Ryan would have fun punching things lol), then the fun aspects of a drowning scene, Eddie finally breaks back in (maybe even with some hesitation considering Eddie almost died in a small space filling with water before), Buck is submerged, he pulls Buck out, cpr, if we're lucky mouth to mouth, you're not doing this to me again, Buck dropping back into Eddie once he wakes up, I got you, all the cool things of letting Ryan and Oliver's emotional power out for a spin.
I like this vision mostly because I'm lowkey obsessed with the possible consequences of Buck almost dying because of Eddie. Buck wouldn't handle almost dying again well, Eddie wouldn't handle saving Buck again well, this could lead to some fun fights between the two of them, even more with the space they are putting between the two since the cemetery. This could be the mother of all triggers, give Eddie some recovery isn't linear moment, give Buck a full breakdown, make them fight and no one being sure why they're fighting.
And having it happen that way you hit both well and shooting elements, the same way the lightning does. And Buck getting trapped by the ship moving for example creates the happening by chance aspect, them being alone is easy because a situation like this will definitely have multiple houses responding, the nearest one not being the 118 is expected, by consequence Eddie doing the saving alone, water and being pinned under something brings up a previous trauma for Buck, a small space filling with water brings a previous trauma up for Eddie, so we can make it a very nice mirror of the shooting.
You can even have some moments while Buck is alone and the water is rising that could make it clear that Buck is not in the best mental state.
Obviously, everything about this works with them saving literally anyone, from Bobby or Athena to a random child with brown hair and red glasses, so I think I'm set in the general idea here, I think Buck getting trapped somewhere in the ship is the easiest way to make it happen, but how it would happen would depend on the consequences they want to pull from it.
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muttlyparasitic · 12 days
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Im not over here like "incest is so cute" or "🤩 im just so obsessed with how he rapes -insert character-" thats what makes proshippers so off putting and disgusting they romanticize the fuck out of a gross topic, I've never seen 1 proshipper actually write a good story involving their ships and I've especially never seen a proshipper NOT make proshipping their whole fking personality like we all know you can't be that black and white.
Theres 0 interesting story in some shop about lets say slender fking a brother of his, just like making a picture of Jeff the Killer x Homicidal Liu is also just like "why?" Besides you finding incest cute there was no reason why they needed to like each other in a disgusting way and no reason to especially fk each other.
And no I am not getting into the whole "it comforts me" aspect as if that means your valid. You'll get upset with me for saying that then post the next day "I dont exist to protect your feelings" like we can just say the exact same thing back, if you find comfort i prosgipping, no one online or irl needs to hear about it, keep your self healthing to yourself if its actually helping you heal. If it only comforts you when other poeple get to see it and you know it will bring you some type of reaction, thats not comfort, thats just attention seeking.
No one on earth needs to be bombarded with your gross ships just because it makes you feel better, you dont need to be butting fandom tags next to your proshipper tags, you can have them on private account elsewhere that the public dont see it.
It's honestly just like this who self-harm for comfort, no ones gotta see it. Thats blunt but its the truth, no ones gotta see it. No ones gotta read about it, only your friends care about your feelings, the rest of us just hope you get help and wish to move on with our day without getting more of that shoved in our faces.
"Well you still made a story with thay subject matter before, why aren't poeple bad at that, they hate me for my Jeff x Liu ship!" think another big difference between a proshipper and someone that writes an incets scene, beastiality scene, grape scene for their horror story, a writer has content like that in a story they developed and they dont obsess over that one part like its their new baby that the whole block needs to hear about constantly, oh and they also use trigger warnings before the reader gets to read the story and if they do talk about that scene on a post, yall dont put warnings, ever. When a proshipper makes a story, the only shit they post about is that one uncomfortable part, or they make the whole story about that subject and can't lighten up and add more creative subjects to the story, it just HAS to be about this one morally wrong thing that their absolutely obsessed over!
Like really thats why antis think you guys are such freak, you have one personality trait and its making gross content in a way that isn't even good literature writing, you obsess over it like you'll instantly combust into ashes if you dont post about it daily, all the content is shown in good light using words and phrases like "cute" "so ment to be" "adorable" "I giggle at it" your praising a subject that shouldn't be praised and thats why people putside of your proship community dont like you guys, you show this content in such good light constantly that its allowed actual prodophiles and people who are actually full on into those subjects irl into your community, unintentionally you've created such a safe space for those kinds of people because they can talk about it in this good light and just say "oh but I dont support it irl" and lots of people would just easily belive them qhile thats not the reality. Thats the biggest issue. You've created a community that can easily harbor literal chriminals, and you will still stand tall and proud about your incest, pedo, beastiality, grape content thata your so obsessed over, while it gives actual criminals a place to get their rocks off while they don't have their current subject matter of interest with them.
Anyways I'm done ranting now.
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