#but I've waited for Stray Gods harder

[acebender]

[celesterayel]

goodbyes & waiting | luke castellan

pairing : luke castellan x aphrodite!reader

request: happy holidays! could you write a luke x aphrodite reader? (maybe with angst?) <3

IN WHICH — there are the moments you shared and the sadness that came after.

"trust that you betrayed, confusing that still lingers. you took everything I loved and crushed it in between your fingers" - o.r.

w.c. 1k

warning(s) : lots and lots of angst ゜✭・.

✩ ‧₊˚ author's note this act hurt me so much in the feelings. I've never written something so angst, hope you enjoy it tho, love :)

your heart didn’t hurt, it burned.

you wished you could tear the wretched thing out and never feel anything again but it remained there, silently killing you from the inside out. in your palm lay a small pendant, not the prettiest thing by any means and resembling more like something you’d find at a second-hand store. the chain was thin and dull but at the center lay a small heart of twine and charms. your finger brushed over it, as if attempting to soothe your own heart, a manifestation of your pain literally.

god, you wanted to burn it to the ground. you wanted to scream so loudly and raw that you’d scream your vocal cords out of your throat. you wanted to scream at the gods–fuck them and fuck the fates–and most of all, at him.

had it meant nothing to him? this…whatever it was between you two? how could he have left you so brutally? without a second thought.

the pendant burned in your hand but you’d sooner kill yourself than part with it. it was the last thing you had of luke castellan. the boy who had loved you at your lowest, who once would have rather burned the world than let it hurt you. but he had hurt you and with the blow of godliness that ran in his blood.

you never did see it coming.

✩ ‧₊˚

you had first arrived at camp a year before percy jackson appeared. no sooner than you did, were you claimed by your mother, the goddess aphrodite. and unlike how the poets and half bloods describe it, children of aphrodite were not all inherently blessed with grand beauty. rather you were made to be beautiful in the way extraordinary things are: ingrained into the brain like a itch in a way so profound.

something about you entranced others, maybe the way you spoke or how you approached everyone like they were someone you had known since forever, you were just always a shining light for others to flock too. something so incredibly enchanting, gentle like the breeze of the camp waters. 

luke was the first person to approach you after being claimed, the same boyish smile you’d later fall in love with on his face. 

“the names luke castellan. yours?” he breathed out, something about the way he looked at you like you were every enchanting thing in the form of a person made your heart sing. 

you knew that your heart would belong to him every moment after. 

something in the way he looked at you like you were his forever after made you feel complete. like you weren’t so alone in this world made of monsters and man, godless beings of hunger and pain. and it seemed like he knew it too because there was a knowing in his eyes, a connection between you too that would hurt for every lifetime and the next. 

you and luke only grew closer after and where you went he followed. where he strayed, you wandered. secrets moments shared beneath candlelights with his hands on your waist and yours bunched in his hair. 

“your my forever, you know that right?” he’d whisper against your lips, trying to breathe you in like you’d disappear from his arms. 

you’d just kiss him harder like his words could burn themselves to your lips. like he could burn himself into your very being and never leave you. one day you’d tell him he’d already had.

moments by the lakes where he’d hold you against him and you’d rest on his shoulder like it was the only place you’d ever need. trinkets you’d find when you’d go exploring with the littlest campers that you gifted to him and he kept like they were the grandest of treasures. times when he’d cry into your shoulder and you’d just hold him all the more closer like you could take the pain. the pendant he had spent months and late nights learning to craft from hand to give you. you planned out your future together late, late into the night when you couldn’t sleep: maybe someday he’d whisk you away to visit paris or to see the great big apple–only later you’d go without him. 

holding you so tightly, he’d ask, “where would you want to go if we ever leave here?”

“anywhere you go.” the late nights near the lakes always made it seem like your cocoon, a safe haven from everything else. nights like these only made you fall in love with him more. 

“yes, but if you could pick anywhere, where would you want me to take you, “ he huffed out, chuckling. 

you grab his hands and press a kiss to his lips, tasting freedom and fire all in one breath. kissing luke was always electric, every want and lightning burn in one breath, one touch. 

you leaned back, before contemplatingly saying, “i’ve always wanted to go to see the city lights in the big apple.”

“i’ll take you one day.” it was a promise. a future for you both. 

“i’ll hold you to that.”

✩ ‧₊˚

but it never did happen.

✩ ‧₊˚

you remember the scream you felt bottled in your throat when you found out what had happened. the looks the others had given you when percy told you what luke had done. why he wasn't here with you guys. why he wasn’t here with you.

the betrayal hurt more than anything you had ever felt. parts of the pieces of the future you had made crumbling as quickly as you both had made it. the trinkets you had given him were gone just as he was.

as the months passed, here you stayed as the others left. hoping that by some miracle, your golden boy would return to you. that'd he'd come back ready to make good on his promise. he’d return to the lake where you had once built your future but he never did and the scream in your throat never left.

you promised me, luke.

footsteps approached you and there at the bottom of the hermes cabin stood percy jackson, “y/n, it’s time to go.” 

he looked at the pendant in your hands before giving you a sad smile. he knew your history and your pain–once upon a time, luke had been his first real friend.

you wiped the tears that had fallen down your cheeks and slipped the necklace back onto your neck. you couldn’t bear to part with it, not even after all this time, after all these moments. 

you looked behind you to the cabin one last time—breathing in the old memories and letting them go one last time—before you turned back around. 

“let’s go.” 

in the end, your golden boy had been far too much like his father and you were the one to be left waiting.

[agustdiv1ne]

hi I had a request - hard hours hyunjin with corruption kink? thanks!

i've been waiting for this one turn it up ‼️

cheeks burning hot when he sits you in his lap, squirming whenever he trails kisses down your neck, diverting his attention if a stray finger trails up your thigh...hyunjin knows that you're inexperienced, you don't even have to tell him. you'll make out with him, sure, straddling his lap and sharing sweet kisses while his hands wrap around your waist. yet, as soon as things grow heated, your hips beginning to rut against his, you'll pull away and leave him high and dry, a shy little apology on your lips before you stand on shaky legs and grab a ice cold glass of water from the kitchen.

he can't fault you for it — he knows you're nervous about, well, pretty much everything that is sexual in nature. however, if hyunjin is anything, he is patient. he'll take up your pace, let you control what happens and when. he'll let you have this semblance of authority if it means he can eventually ruin you for everyone else, make you only think of him and the dirty little things he can do to you.

and so when you finally let things go past sweet kisses and innocent hand placements, hyunjin feels his cock harden to no end.

it's one of those nights where you find yourself on top of him, hands gripping his shoulders as his plush lips meld against your own, his teeth capturing your bottom lips and pulling. you squeak, a streak of pleasure twisting in your stomach and you pull away, but this time you don't get up. no, this time, you remain on his lap, grinding slightly into his bulge as you bite your lip.

"'m ready," you mumble, staring at a spot on his shoulder, all demure and bashful and he's absolutely basking in it.

"ready for what, sweetheart?" he asks, unable to help himself from teasing you a little. he takes in your slow, hard blink, the way you take a deep breath to calm your nerves. you try to bury yourself into his neck, but a firm hand under your chin renders you unable to hide.

"for you to make me feel good," you finally say, still not meeting his expectant gaze, and his lips split into a grin, something sly and wolfish. his hands slowly move to your waist to the swell of your ass, rolling your hips harder into his. he's asking if you're sure all the while, and you're nodding, leaning into him and whining so prettily into his ear, getting lost in the pleasure he's giving you.

but fuck, he wants to make you feel even better, to have you fall apart above him and teach you how good you can feel, how good only he can make you feel.

"baby," he whispers, warm breath fanning over your neck. "i want you to take your panties off for me, okay?"

"o-okay," you stutter back, rolling over and slipping your sleep shorts and panties down your soft, unmarked thighs. he wants to be between them, licking and sucking and feeling your fingers curl into his hair, tugging as you cry out for him-

he's knocked from those thoughts when you straddle his lap again, now bare from the waist down. you're looking at him all doe eyed, waiting for him to make a move, and so he does. a hand comes up to cup your pussy in a bold display of dominance.

you gasp. "jinnie-"

"shh, baby. you wanna feel good, right?" he coos, a condescending pout on his lips as his fingertips begin to rub little circles against your clit. your hips subconsciously move against his fingers, movements growing more desperate by the second. he's watching your face for your reaction as he dips those fingers down to your entrance. and god, what he finds there.

"you're soaked, baby. fuck," he exhales. "you want my fingers?"

you nod rapidly, and he tuts. "use your words."

"please."

one finger slips in and you're reeling, clinging onto him. and he may act self-assured, but inside he's just as bad as you, finally being able to feel your warm, tight walls envelop his long finger is a dream come true. you squeal when he finds your spot, and so he begins to abuse it. sweet little moans are muffled into the cotton of his t-shirt and he loves it — he's fucking obsessed with it. trying to get you close, his thumb moves to swipe your clit until you're clawing at him.

"jinnie, it feels, feels weird, a-ah."

"just let go for me, baby," he commands, voice strained. "c'mon, i promise it'll feel so good. cum on my finger, you can do it."

his gentle goading sends you over the edge, a desperate sound torn from your throat, thighs quaking and he nearly cums in his own pants when he catches sight of your hazy expression and drool-slicked lips. he helps you calm down with whispers of "you did so well for me" and "good girl" and hugs you close to him, stroking your hair. you mumble his name, shifting on his lap until you're staring at him nervously.

"can i, um," you pause, collecting your thoughts.

"can you teach me how to make you feel good, too?"

[eggedbellies]

A mild fantasy of mine is to be captured by a bunch of werewolves who need a mate. But have been unable to find one as they have been having trouble leaving the woods. thankfully a witch in the woods gave them a potion,  it's supposed to work on humans, and turns whoever drinks it into the perfect love,  all they have to do is spread the werewolf curse. 

finding me,  a guy who strayed too far from the beaten path.  getting captured, and taking to their cave.  They place the potion in front of me,  and stand idle,  waiting for me to drink.  The pressure makes me drink it,  and it's magic put to work. My hair grows,  my voice changes, and my chest hurts as it expands,  growing so big the shirt rips,  letting my newly grown boobs be shown.  Hear as my pants rip due to my expanding ass and hips,  feel my whole body burn as I turn, feel as the last squirts of cum get educated as my new slit grows in. left as a woman in partly tattered clothes,  with an unbearable heat inside me. 

A heat the werewolves so happily help with,  a knot hanging right in front of my face,  on so happy devour.  One mounts me from behind,  the pack leader.  Being doubled teamed, dangling as such huge knots breed me. 

Leaving me full of cum,  and the same rest from being noted and filled with cum gives me enough time to recharge and be used by the next back.  I don't remember how long time passed,  but my new fangs tell me it's been a while. 

days have passed, I still feel human,  but the fur growing the wagging tail,  and my wolf ears tell me otherwise. They've been breeding me every night,  but my belly remains empty.  But today... Today feels different.  I've been producing milk,  and they so hungrily drink.  Not to mention. I think I see extra nipples. 

It's... Getting harder to think, all I have... Minds being filled with heat,  need to be bred more, whoever ever gets this be warned,  they have more potions... God, it's so hard to think when you're being filled, I wonder how big I'll get...

Mmmmm being slowly, slowly, achingly transformed into a perfect breeding wolf, not the furious transformation the rest of the pack got, no, your body changing into necessity to be able to be the best breeding momma wolf you can be... where do they live, again? Just so I can, y'know, avoid them and their potions...

[thekillingmoonmoon]

Toji, please, with "Red lights" by Stray Kids! 🥵💖

Hi Lin!!! So, you may have created a Stray Kids Fan because of this

Pairing: Fushiguro Toji x Fem! Reader Warnings: NSFW, rough sex, dom/sub dynamics, manhandling, oral (m. receiving) Length: 579 Song: Stray Kids "강박 (방찬, 현진)(Red Lights (Bang Chan, Hyunjin))”

I cannot breathe without you being right by my side, I'll die So can you please come over closer? Hold me tight, right now No matter how hard I try to escape, there's no answer Until I fall asleep in the sun, even deeper I really wanna know, yeah I've already lost control, oh

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

“Eyes on me,” And you can barely look away. And how can you? Dark green eyes have got you in their gaze, heady and heavy as you drop to your knees in front of him. To be gifted with his gaze is to be gifted by the gods, and how blessed you were right now.

You knew he was bad news, but when poison tasted this sweet, you didn’t mind if your blood began to beat with the same venom that his did. You unzip his jeans, freeing his cock, making careful eye contact as you lick the tip. He twitches, his cock hanging from its own weight as you wrap your hands around him. You thumb over his slit, relishing in the hiss that spills between clenched teeth. His hand winds down into your hair, pulling it back from your face so he can watch you take him down your throat. You gag almost immediately, unused to the heady weight that rested on your tongue, struggling to take all of him in your mouth. But his hips jerk forward, and between his clenched grunts and twitching cock you try your best for him. You drop your jaw and take him deep, ignoring the ache in your throat, your hand stroking that you can’t take past your lips. You keep his eyes in view despite the urge to cross your eyes, green and glittering with greed as you swallow him again and again. He’s close, hips twitching and stuttering, and he tugs your head off him before he spills himself down your throat. “I’m cumming in your pussy,” he spits and you dreamily take him in as he manhandles you into your leg hanging over his hip. He wiles his hands up your skirt,  pulling your panties aside and immediately sinking two fingers deep into your cunt. You yelp, but he swallows your cry with a hot open-mouthed kiss, forcing his tongue down your throat until all you can hear is the muffled squelch of his fingers in your pussy. You’re wet, impossibly wet, and he stretches you out with every flick and push of his wrist, scissoring his fingers in and out until you’re taking three of his fingers with sloppy ease. “Right, ready for my cock?” He doesn’t even wait for an answer, nudging his tip past your tight walls and stretching you out further than ever before. You’re split open by him, pinned between the wall and his hips. You gasp, and he grins, holding out his sticky fingers. “Suck,” You obey, choking down on his thick fingers as he thrusts up into you for the first time. You burn, a delightful toe-curling burn, spreading all the way from your lower stomach to the ends of your hair. He bounces you on his cock, slamming you into the wall over and over, but you don’t care, you feel too good, made drunk by the overwhelming way he fills you so deeply. You keep eye contact, the lowlight flashing green every once in a while as he smiles at your compliance. He begins to draw small circles over your clit, pushing harder and harder until you cum so hard you can feel your eyes roll back in your skull, and everything goes black for a second. He spills himself into you, thick and sticky, leaving you full and sated. You nearly topple over as he withdraws and he catches you with a sharp laugh. “Come on, doll. The night’s not over yet.”

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I do not own Jujutsu Kaisen, or any of the related characters. Jujutsu Kaisen is created  and owned by Gege Akutami. This story is intended for entertainment purposes only. I am not making any profit from this story. All rights of Jujutsu Kaisen belong to Gege Akutami. Please do not copy, re-use, or distribute this work as your own

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all images and gifs used are either from popular media or from stock photos. I do not own or take credit for any of the images, only edits

[ashwithapen]

"in which i post a poem" tag/challenge!

thank you for inviting me to your challenge @a-had-matter!

instructions:

write a poem on how you feel about speaking

write at least as many lines as there are characters in your URL/username (so for me, ashwithapen, that's 11)

don't worry about not being some god-tier poet, just write some silly words and have some fun with it :))

i'll be (no-pressure) tagging @the-stray-storyteller @pb-dot @grimfox @junypr-camus @guessillcallitart @digital-chance @enne-uni @sithbelle @holdmyteaplease @tea-and-mercury @leisoree and @anonymousfoz

for my poem, i sorta just autism'd all over the place lmfao. being autistic has always greatly impacted my relationship with not only speaking but also with what i say. my poem is about that and what it was like growing up undiagnosed and therefore unaware. although i 100% speed ran writing this poem, i don't think it turned out so bad and i hope you like it!

[poem below the cut!]

i waited for my throat to rot through. written 3 sept 2023

so, what's your favourite colour? and the first time they ask me, three, i tell them i like pink, because i am a girl, and girls like pink. so this is a lie, so cold and so young. so this is life.

then here you go, they say to me, their voice just rolls off their tongue and teeth, and in my hand appears some pink. i learn that i like pink as much as i do cute skirts and barbie dolls. so this is the world. so this is life.

and who are you? a vet, of course, because i've only ever wanted to help myself. wet dog on the porch. he speaks my language, silent eyes and so different from everyone else. so this is the line between us. so this is life.

go sing me a song, go play me a flute, go write me a story, go draw me a thing. be my darling baby girl. come talk to me, your mother. so this is love, so this is life.

your voice speaks to me, coerces my head into nodding. my eyes watch yours and i am made deaf. i am made a fool of by your hypotheticals. metaphors and postures and smiles. so this is a conversation. so this is life.

tell me what's wrong. and i shake my head. i am still a child, and words still evade me. i can't help you if you won't talk to me. and i shake my head and i cry a little harder. then give me my tongue, i think silently. my tongue and your ears and some tissues, please. so this is something.

tell me your name.

soft, and gentle, and warm, and not a threat. not a trick. not a trap.

for the first time, i am met with my reflection. and young people? i hear you.

tell me about the colour blue, tell me about your view, tell me, is there a rainbow? so this is new. so this is life too.

[jerirose]

Ah... where to begin, hm? Well, I guess I'll start by saying that this is my New Year's Post - please feel free to ignore. Firstly - to everyone that follows this Blog - Thank for you enjoying my art - thank you for believing in me. 😭 I hope I can make more pieces you like and love this year!!

There's a lot I could say here - 2022 was.... it was a rough year, there were many highs, but the lows were ever so close to taking me out. I've never felt so defeated in my life than I did this year, a lot changed - I finally found myself but during that process I had to bend and break and learn how to connect all the shattered pieces that were scattered and flung around, all in darkness. If I could compare 2022, at least the first half of the year, it was like walking through a cave, alone, with a broken phone and no lights to guide me, and the further I walked, the harder it was to breath and the walls just kept closing in around me. I've felt trapped before but... nothing compared to the isolation I felt in this cave - Having that gender identity crisis was so, so, so lonely, and I was so lost. I busied myself with friends, streaming, reading, exercising, running, dancing, TV series and finally - it led me to art and somehow... Stray Kids? It's so funny how a friend talking me in to downloading a stupid little app on my phone, managed to change my life so drastically. On the 1st July '22, 8 silly little men walked into my life and... they saved me - that dark cave? I was no longer alone in it and there was a light to guide me, the weight of my boots lightened, and there were hands to hold. I wasn't alone or afraid any more.... - I know it may sound really fucking stupid to some; like how is it that 8 random men did that, but your friends couldn't? The people around you couldn't? I... I can't explain it - But I will say... my friends? My Twitch community? They were the reason I continued walking, they were the backbone holding me together, I will always be grateful for the strength they gave me to push through, even when I really, really didn't want to. But Stray Kids? I can't explain it... I just know I'd probably still be wondering that cave alone if they hadn't found me, maybe I wouldn't have made it out... I honestly don't know, and I really don't want to think about it... My love for Art & Stray Kids meeting at the same time took me in a direction I never thought I'd go - and my love for art exploded and through my love of art I began expressing my love and gratitude for my boys, my 8 guides. When I started my Music Video Portraits I NEVER in a million years thought I'd become so attached to them, that I'd be where I am today with them but

OH MY GOD

am I soooo thankful I did because... it led me here? It led me to Stayville and Stayblr, to all the incredible friends and people I've met in this amazing community both on Tumblr and off of Tumblr. I'm not amazing at making new friends - or at least, I don't feel like I am. I overthink, and I'm awkward, and I feel like a constant fuck up and annoying. But I've met some amazing and incredible people these last few months, and I'm so grateful for all of you welcoming me, a Baby Stay, with open arms - it really means a lot.... being able to share my love of the boys with other people? It makes it that much more special to me. I can't wait to continue to build our friendships more and get to know some of you more! Thank you, for being a part of my 2022! Wishing you light and self-love, compassion and kindness in 2023. May your year be gentle to you &lt;3 @purple-belle @happysmilebtr @snug-gyuu @shmalll @hanjesungs @changbeens @winterfloral @hailng @abiaswreck @agibbangs @quokki @jinniebit @lecknow @mixtape-channie @njaems @milfho @chanizard @ggthydrangea @missyedits @juiceofmoons @bangchanies @hoerachas @babychicklix @svintsandghosts @lonelystreetlight @seonghwaminho @sstarryoong @jisungsjaistandjeekies @geniaparadox @cb97percent @septicrebel @catsaenen @skz-films @minzbins @cheekyquokka @hyunpic @dongjusmilf @seo-changbinnies @xuseokgyu @chanstopher @gymleader @hyunebear @brianbangs @grzvya Apologizes if I forgot anyone <3

[iddybiddysquish]

Fate - Chapter 5

Masterlist

Plot Description: What would happen if someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities; writer has DID themselves) got a god of death as another personality? Follows the plot of the anime and manga mixed including dialogue directly from the anime where appropriate. Character x cast of death note

Very minor self insert/OC that I've made into a vague reader insert that involves the reader being concerningly intertwined with Kira and his happenings against their will and seemingly against fate.

Fandom: Death Note

Gender: Female

Warnings: Dark and triggering content regarding death, suicide, mental illness and mentions of rape (character history - no rape in the story). Making out is described. Will add more as I progress the story.

Notes:

Feedback is welcomed and I hope you have a good time reading!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- December 25 -

“Merry fucking Christmas…” I glared up at my ceiling, any Christmas spirit I had left being far too small to hide my true misery.

Once again, there were nightmares. And, once again, I woke up panicked and crying. And, once again-

“I am alone.” I sighed, my face softening as I looked to my right, massaging the area slightly, almost as though I expected to feel something I couldn’t see.

After a moment or two my hand dropped and ceased moving, my gaze returning to the ceiling. After blowing some air, I finally convinced myself to get up and ready for my psych eval by the psychiatrist today. 

‘Today of all days is difficult…’ I noted as I stripped off and began to sort out my bandages, ‘Christmas was something I could finally celebrate in a way I had always wanted to, with him…’

I quickly wiped away stray tears aggressively, not in the mood to deal with my own shit right now.

‘Now he’s gone and with it he took any semblance of celebratory spirit I ever had, which, really, wasn’t great to begin with, though the absence of it hitting even harder than it would have before, given he gave me more celebratory spirit from when I met him.’ I gave a sad, airly laugh as I began to get dressed, ‘He never even celebrated holidays as he grew up, so lord knows how he made me more inclined to celebrate the holidays myself…’

Pushing the thoughts aside, I attempted to motivate myself by eating my favourite breakfast whilst packing my bag for the trip. It’s not often I need to alter it, since it’s mostly just the basics like my purse, headphones and notebook. However, after asking google what the weather is like, I decided to add in an umbrella; the only one I could find, sadly, was a plain dark red one with a fabric cover.

‘Man where the fuck did I put the sakura one mama got me?’ I pouted, ‘I should try and get another one of those; the hard plastic cover stops the rain from dripping in my bag… Maybe online?’

After noting that idea down, I put it to the back of my mind and put on my coat and scarf before leaving. Almost immediately, after locking my door and putting my keys away, I texted Mono to say I was leaving, just to keep him informed. From there I made my way to the bus stop and jogged under the bus shelter as the rain started, with a huff as I sat down. 

I didn’t have to wait long before the bus came. 

‘Thank god for reliable public transport.’ I praised as I stepped onto the bus, my bus pass already ready, ‘I suppose that’s a pretty big positive about living in a big city.’

Getting the all clear, I thanked the driver and made my way to my seat. Plopping down, I took a deep breath before putting my headphones on and playing some music, eyes darting from the window to the doors each time we stopped, small but noticeable levels of anxiety raising its head.

‘To be honest, I was anxious before even getting to the bus stop…’ I confessed, ‘The psychiatrist has much more power over me and my choice than the psychologist.’ I bit my lip, ‘Unlike my psychologist, my psychiatrist can end my life by playing with my medications or sectioning me against my will; the psychologist doesn’t have that power without a psych consult, which is conducted by a psychiatrist.’

When the bus arrived, I took a deep breath as I got off and pushed those negative thoughts aside before falling back on rationalising against them when that didn’t work.

‘They don’t have that power, exactly. They can’t just remove the medication without a lawsuit and they can’t just put me in a ward. The amount of paperwork, time and approval required makes it difficult for people to be sectioned against their will; I need to remember this.’ 

And with that, I strode into the correct hospital entrance and alerted the receptionist of my presence. After being marked as arrived, I took my seat and waited for the psychiatrist to come and collect me. 

‘I’m five minutes early.’ I puffed some air as I deflated, ‘With his schedule, that means I need to add that to, about, fifteen minutes before he’ll come and collect me. After all, he always overruns with patients and, as a result, is always late…’

Unsurprisingly, I was correct in assuming he was late, though it was more like twenty five minutes than the twenty I had originally calculated. But, regardless, I said nothing, only batting away his apologies as he gave them, before following him and taking a seat in the room he had led me to. 

We had an hour and he had had a fair run down from my psychologist, but regardless he asked the usual important questions and any others he deemed necessary for me surrounding the situation. One of those obviously included asking what actually happened and, as a result, what am I struggling with, though of course he was much more compassionate his words were put in a far more gentle manner. It felt good to talk to someone who could give more immediate results and who was far more focused on what can be done about it, rather than how I feel about it. But then again, that’s why therapy is much harder than psychiatry, for me, at least; expressing and accepting how you feel is far harder than simply taking a pill and shrugging it off to the back of your mind. That’s why people tend to respond best to treatment that harnesses both, albeit, only really those who are ready for the therapy they need. 

I hardly felt the hour as it ticked away, being too embroiled in the task at hand. So when the psychiatrist jumped at the time, noting we had gone over half an hour already, I, too, was shocked. 

“I suppose, getting to the point, as it were,” he begun, earning a nod from me for him to continue, “I think we should up your duloxetine from 60mg to 120mg as we know it works well for your anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder.” he liked his lips as he noted down his conclusions, before adding, “It’s is known to work well for acute stress disorder, of which there is no doubt that you’re experiencing,” I nodded as he looked up, “but it’s also known to help nightmares, so we’ll try that before considering any new medication, especially given the amount you are already on…” he noted, a deep frown evident as he clearly looked over my medication list, “I mean you’re on some very serious stuff here and we want quality, not quantity, I suppose you could say.” I chuckled, nodding in agreement.

“No, yes. Definitely.” I agreed, “That sounds like a good idea.” I nodded, “I can only hope this to be temporary, so adding in another medication sounds slightly…” I itched my cheek as I searched for the word, “counterintuitive?” he nodded.

“Yes. And given how you responded to SSRIs, we’d be looking at another SNRI and-” he sighed, shaking his head before giving a kind smile, “Over complicating things, I think.” I nodded.

“I’m assuming the others are fine as are?” he nodded, back on track.

“Yes, I see no reason to up or reduce any of them for the moment. However I do want to see you again in, say, a month’s time just to see how well you’re doing with the duloxetine.” I nodded, though he added, “And, as per usual, if there are any issues, call us. You know your body and your medications so, if you have to lower it for whatever reason, you naturally are free to do so, but please get an appointment so we can try and figure out where to go from there, okay?” I immediately nodded.

“Same for quetiapine, aripiprazole, olanzapine and lorazepam, yeah?” I begged, earning a sharp nod.

“Exactly. Take the lorazepam as needed - no more than 5mg, though if you feel you need it most days, which should go down after increasing the duloxetine, I would recommend staying on 2.5mg.” he noted, hand motions being used to emphasis his points, “If the other three need upped or downed, you have the power to change the dosage and request that amount from the GP, on repeat. I’ll make sure to clarify that in my next letter, just in case.” I gave a slight sigh of relief, nodding.

“Thanks. You know how finicky they can be.” he chuckled at this, nodding in agreement with a knowing look.

“The mere concept of a psychiatrist allowing a patient some reign over their medications can leave GPs uncomfortable, given they then have to provide that medication.” she shrugged, arms out with an unsure expression, “Maybe it's a lawsuit thing, I don’t know, but it makes them uncomfortable.” I nodded.

“Don’t. As soon as they hear just quetiapine they look visibly concerned-” I paused, “But then again I suspect that was because I was seventeen, more than anything…” he nodded.

“Yes we don’t like to put young people on these medications.” he sighed, “If I’m honest, I’m very concerned about you being on these medications.” I felt my gut twist and a lump in my throat form, “Really it’s not proper. However, I’m hesitant to change anything given how well it has been working for you up till now, and, again, to play with your medications given what you’ve gone through would be very poor timing.” he sighed, shaking his head. I, too, sighed, but nodded.

“I will certainly agree with that. But, honestly, I just want to feel how I did before Harold and everything he did.” I noted, the mention of his name gaining all of his attention, given how much I avoid mentioning my late partner, “And these medications did the trick.” I shrugged, “I genuinely have hope for the duloxetine to fix this… blip. When you take away the ferocity of the nightmares, nothing really has changed.” I revealed, making the doctor frown.

“What do you mean by that?” 

“I mean, I’ve always had PTSD and I’ve always had nightmares, intrusive thoughts and anxiety.” I shrugged one shoulder, only dropping it after I finished speaking, “Medication-wise, I’m exactly the same, but just a bit more anxious. Ultimately, I can only get over this in the end with therapy; the medication is just to help me along the way, even if I die before the journey ends, say, in old age.” the doctor frowned in thought at this before slowly nodding.

“I see what you mean…” he rubbed his chin, clearly in thought. However, after a few moments, he put his paper and pen down and lent over so his hands were on his knees, “Like I said, I’m not going to entertain playing around with your medications for a while, so there’s no need to worry about that. We need to stabilize you as much as we can and, then, once you’ve been stable for a while, we’ll consider trying to wean you off - which has always, and will always be the end goal, for patients on these atypical antipsychotics.” I nodded.

“And if it doesn’t work, I can always go back up, no harm no foul.” I gave a relaxed exhale, “That seems fair to me.” he smiled, nodding. I couldn’t help but add, “Thanks for understanding.” I sighed, “I’ve been threatened with removal  and changes so much it scares me, the idea of coming off of them, knowing the state I was in that made me require them in the first place.” he nodded.

“That’s completely understandable. What you experienced is, at best, traumatising. Lacking control and being incapable of trusting anyone is a terrifying experience.” he noted, “I mean you’ve been diagnosed with bipolar I, Bipolar II, cyclothymia, mixed depression, some kind of paraphrenia-like condition, schizophreniform, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, psychotic disorders, delusion disorder, a multitude of anxiety disorders, including panic disorder, as well as dissociative identity disorder and mixed dissociative disorder and an array of personality disorders.” he sighed, “Thats ignoring stress disorders and specifiers.” he leaned forward, “If I may be frank?” I resisted the urge to raise a brow and simply nodded for him to continue. He did.

“I have only seen you to make sure your medications are working, to assess you for post traumatic stress disorder, and now acute stress disorder, but I have seen others that are symptomatic. Even without reading your files or having spoken to you, for you to have one of these labels, nevermind comorbidly,” he shook his head, “Its certain that you have undoubtedly undergone considerable hardships.” I gave a silent sigh as I looked down, nodding as I did.

He was completely correct, of course. 

‘Ignoring the conditions themselves, the ballache I went through to get both diagnosed and medicated was in of itself able to give me PTSD alone.’ I bit my lip, ‘I wasn’t medicated for bipolar, psychosis or anxiety for eight and nine years. Wasn’t stable from either for another three.’ I looked down at the floor, ‘Didn’t get any actual diagnoses until we moved to Canada, a year ago. Couldn’t get the doctors to prescribe the meds we thought I needed, so we had to get them prescribed from India using Harold's father’s friends, of whom were all qualified doctors. None of this takes into account the physical disabilities of which I’ve also suffered.’ I gave another sigh, ‘And that leads us to today, and how I got the medication combination I am on today… It’s madness, and I knew that, but I also knew that it would work, and it has.’

The doctor and I wrapped things up pretty soon after, him looking a bit guilty for the delay caused to his next patient. However, we left on cheerier grounds than that last moment of honesty, and he came to see me out, reminding me that I’d get a letter regarding the next appointment, which was fine with me. 

However, as soon as I had finished putting my scarf and coat on, he motioned me over and spoke slightly low.

“I almost forgot.” he noted sheepishly. Being as curious as I was, he had gripped my attention easily. I gave an airy laugh and motioned for him to continue.

“Have you given a statement to the police about your… experience?” he begged. I blinked, shaking my head immediately before mentioning the hospital visit and how no police were there. Of course, he nodded in understanding, before insisting, “I don’t often recommend this,” he insisted before urging, “however I think it’s possible you could find it beneficial. Given that book you’re keeping on it, and if you feel up to it, then sharing your experience could possibly make you feel as though your progressing and give you some form of closure in knowing something is being done about it - and it would be a progression.” he stressed, “But you should only do it if you feel ready, okay? And I wouldn’t recommend going alone nor would I recommend going immediately, but it might be worth a thought.” I bit my lip, staring at the floor for a moment as I contemplated his words, giving a small nod as I did.

“I’ll certainly consider it.” came out of my mouth, eventually, before giving a bright smile, “I’ll let you know next time how it goes, if I’m up to it.” the doc gave an almost proud smile before gently patting me on the shoulder and wishing me goodbye. 

After the pleasantries were over, and I had left a fair distance away from the ward, my pace slowed significantly, until I had eventually paused. Remembering where I was, I quickly went to the side and leaned against the wall to stay out of the way of busy members of the public and staff.

As I watched people going about their lives, I continued to contemplate the doctor’s words, seriously.

‘He’s not wrong.’ I conceded, ‘It certainly would be a notable step in the right direction. But isn’t it time sensitive?’ I worried, ‘I’d need to be prepared to give in the statement soon, regardless of his warning, if it's to be of any help. I don’t want to be the reason they couldn’t make a conclusion on the hijacking, especially if it involved an FBI agent, for whatever reason…’ I shook my head, a strong look on my face as I rose up and began my strides towards the bus, ‘I don’t have to give a report now - or even ever - if I’m not ready! After all, I can’t help the case if I’m mute or passed out from anxiety.’ I reassured myself, ‘But even going to the station just to get used to it is a step in the right direction, right?’

And with that I had direction. 

Of course, as soon as I got outside I started to look up the bus I needed to get, along with the route - and, of course, I informed Mono I was gonna be back late. As I did, I pouted when I noticed the little droplets falling onto my phone, and immediately began to jog towards the protection of the bus shelter, when I noticed I was closeby.

As I figured out the route, the bus I needed to take pulled up and I jumped, only noticing it when the doors swung open. Taking a deep breath to calm my shocked heart, I gave a bright smile and entered the bus before showing my bus pass and then taking my usual seat.

My eyes kept darting between google maps and the windows as I kept my beady eyes out for anything that could look remotely like a police station. So when my phone said I needed to get off the bus, I frowned as I took in the buildings around me, none of which sticking out from one another much. 

Of course, I still exited the bus and made my way across the street as I diligently followed google maps, this time with my trusty umbrella as the rain began to fall harder. However, when I reached the location, I paused before the bright, modern exterior with a surprised look, mouth forming an ‘o’ shape.

‘I suppose I shouldn’t be too shocked.’ I recalled, ‘The only police station I had ever seen before was the one in Milton Keynes, and that building was old as hell, much like that entire section of MK…’

I was about to make my way into the building, however, when I bumped into someone as I spaced out. Out of instinct I immediately apologised profusely, however the middle aged man brushed it away as he, too, began to apologise. I shook my head.

“It was my fault.” I finalised before noting he was armed and, therefore, a policeman himself, “I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, officer.” the man raised a brow at the term before giving a warm chuckle whilst shaking his head, displaying his disagreement, though his lack of words showed that he was agreeing to disagree. After a moment, when we turned away from one another and I was about to enter the building again, I heard him sigh and mumble.

“Damn it’s raining…” I paused before the door before taking a look at my umbrella that I was part way through closing. Looking at the man again, and then back to my umbrella, I shrugged.

‘He needs it more than I do.’ I figured, ‘I have a decent hood and need to buy another umbrella, anyway.’

I cleared my throat, attempting to get his attention, before holding out my umbrella. The man looked back at me, shocked, before looking down at the umbrella before looking back at me with a frown. Before he could say anything, I cut in.

“Here. You can have my umbrella.” I chimed, handing it to the man, who continued to be surprised. When he tried to protest I chuckled, adding, “I’ll be here for a while, so you might as well take it and get some use out of it. I have a hood and the bus stop is only over there.” I motioned with the extended umbrella, which he followed with a heavy frown. Though he said nothing, he also didn’t take the umbrella. After a moment or two I walked closer and put it in his hand for him before stepping back and giving a smile when he tried to give it back. After a few moments, I noticed his tired eyes relax into a soft smile as he accepted my gift.

“Thank you.” he noted aloud, “That’s very kind.” I blinked, somewhat surprised by his warm appreciation. It was enough to make me forget where I was and, for a moment, I felt a nice feeling that wasn’t overshadowed by anxiety or fear as soon as it came.

Quickly I nodded back before waving goodbye and facing back towards the police station once he began to make his way towards his own destination.

Suddenly the pressure of what entering this police station meant to me and my recovery began to crush me, that nice feeling gone within a snap.

‘Well… Third time’s the charm, I guess?’ I begged, biting my lips.

As I tentatively stepped into the building, I realised how unreal it all felt, a feeling that didn’t decline despite the amount of people who were both visibly armed and in uniform confirming that this was, in fact, the police station, had I had any doubt after interacting with the nice man outside. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I began to space out and panic. 

‘It’s okay! I’m not doing it right now, yeah?!’ I breathed, feeling tears starting to attempt an escape, ‘Just breathe, yeah? Remember to use diaphragmatic breathing and counting…’ I gulped, fanning myself and removing my scarf violently as I began to visibly panic.

Looking around, quickly, I noticed a large seating area that was unoccupied and made my way towards there whilst chanting in my head to breathe and try to relax. Once I had sat, I dumped my scarf and bag on the chair and leant back against the wall and closed my eyes as I took deep, controlled breaths and began to count in my head.

‘One…’ I breathed out.

‘Two…’ I breathed in.

‘Three…’ I breathed out. From there I found my mind go blank and as I let out a breath I-

“Hey!” I squealed, jumping in my seat as my eyes shot open, almost headbutting the man who had startled me with both his touch and sudden loudness. Immediately he held his hands out and apologised profusely as I calmed my breathing, though this time for a different reason, with my hand to my chest.

“I didn’t mean to scare you!” he swore, “Are you okay?” I let out an airy breath and nodded slowly.

“Y-yes!” I sighed, slowly falling back into my regular state, even enough to give a small smile, “I was just getting my bearings, you know?” the man looked visibly confused, which made me frown, “What is it?” I begged quietly. The man blinked before rubbing the back of his head, sheepishly.

“I didn’t mean to come across as judging.” I frowned, still unsure what he was talking about, though as he continued to bable, I quickly got my answer, “It’s just, the guard said you had been sitting in the same position for two hours straight and-” my eyes snapped wide open in shock at that, so much so I zoned out, again, though this time from his words.

‘Fuck. Even the aripiprazole isn’t stopping my catatonic dissociation…’ I panicked, ‘Could it need upped…?’ 

“...you okay?” I blinked, his question just about registering in my panicked brain as I snapped my eyes back to his figure, actually taking him, along with my surroundings, in.

‘I’m still in the police station.’ I figured, ‘Well, as far as things go, there are definitely worse places for this to have happened…’

“Y-yeah!” I stuttered, shaking my head as I attempted to regain control of myself and my surroundings, “I’m fine!” I stated, rising quickly, “I, just, um…” I chuckled, “I guess I just zoned out for a bit there, huh?” I begged with a sheepish smile as I rubbed the back of my neck. Realising I hadn’t actually apologised, I began to stammer, “Sorry about that and worrying you, uh…”

“Matsuda!” he gave a bold grin before his face fell as he, too, began to stammer, “And it’s not a problem, miss-!”

“Ai.” I interjected with a bright smile, “Nice to meet you, Matsuda-san.” I gave a small bow before adding, “Thanks for checking in on me as I really need to get home.” I gave a sheepish grin, earning a blush and a laugh from the man, who nodded profusely before, waving out to the doors and allowing me past him.

“Yes, right!” he babbled, “I guess I’ll see you whenever.” he finished with a closed-eyed smile, which I naturally returned, nodding.

“Quite!” I chimed, “Bye, Matsuda-san.”

“Yes!” he took a breath, before adding, lowly, “Goodbye, Ai-san.”

And with that I whisked myself away from the station and ran for the bus I very much almost missed and got hit by. As soon as I sat down I gave a heavy exhale as I checked over my phone, seeing missed calls and many texts from Mono, asking where I was and why I hadn’t contacted him.

‘Fuck.’ I cursed, ‘We were supposed to study half an hour ago.’ I groaned, only to curse more as I noticed the time, ‘Let’s hope when I get back he won’t lynch me…!’

It’s somewhat unfortunate that the police station was out of the way instead of on the way from the university back to my flat, but I shrugged it off as half an hour to get over what just happened and to prepare a good alibi for Mono. However, despite that being what I needed to do, I couldn’t stop thinking about the incident at the police station.

‘I was there for two hours without noticing.’ I grumbled, ‘It’s been a while since I had it that bad. I really must be stressed…’ It was then I paused and began to think about what I was going to do. 

‘I wasn’t going there to actually give in a statement - yet, anyway.’ I frowned, ‘And the doc said it might help.’ I shook my head, realising, ‘But ignoring that, surely all I’m doing is directly documenting myself as being present on that bus.

‘That might not be a bad thing. But there’s something weird that happened on that bus that I cannot put my finger on.’ I confessed, biting the skin on my thumb violently as I blindly gazed out the window, ‘And I know Kira can get names and appearance of his victims, at least - things that aren’t always available on the internet without some form of corruption, whether that be from a leak or hacking or something.

‘For all I know, Kira could be a corrupt cop!’ I bit my lip, causing it to bleed as I heard my stop being called out. After taking a deep breath, I grabbed my stuff and rushed out of the bus, thanking the driver, before preparing my keys.

‘I shouldn’t give away anything about myself. Kira probably doesn’t even know I exist, but I can’t risk anything should I ever gain anything of value about him.'

As I began to open my door, I noted the lights were on, and sighed with relief when my gaze met a concerned Mono’s. I immediately gave an apologetic smile.

“Sorry I got held up at university so I ended up visiting the police station much later and it was out of the way.”

‘There is a chance the police didn’t make a note of my name or other contact details on that bus, given they didn’t come to get a report from me. And if that’s the case, I’d rather keep it that way, just in case.’

“You worried me.” he was all he said as he immediately swamped me in a hug, which I returned whilst kicking the door closed. Him being much taller, my head rested on his chest, my glasses fogging and moving out of place slightly as I gave into his tight hold. Still, I didn’t relax as I found myself still frowning in thought.

‘But it wouldn’t hurt to make sure it isn’t there, again, just in case…’ as we parted I quickly gave a small smile before asking if he was still up for some work, which he grinned at.

“Sure thing!” he chimed. I nodded, my facadé dropping when he turned around, slowly following after him as I continued to think. 

‘But how? I’m not sure.’ I chewed my cheek, but gave a small, triumphed smile as I got my books ready and took a seat in the living room as Mono prepared his things, ‘But as long as there’s no picture of me in that report, which there wouldn’t be, Kira wouldn’t be able to connect my real name to me.

‘Should anything happen, I just have to keep up this alias… and hide any visible evidence that I was on that bus.’ I nodded to myself.

“So Korean or Chinese?” I blinked, giving a small smile as I made my choice.

“How about Swedish, instead?” Mono shrugged and nodded.

“Sure, why not?” We shared a cheery smile.

‘Kira, after all, could be anyone, so I need to, just in case…’

[dumbassnamedkhoshekh]

Have you ever had moments where you wish you could just take a break from being a person?

I don't mean dying, obviously. But maybe yes dying? If only temporarily.

What I mean is just taking a step back from existing so you can figure shit out without the interferences of daily life.

Say you've changed a lot over the past little bit. And you KNOW change is good for you and you know that it has to happen, but when you don't recognize yourself anymore and wish you could be anyone else?

I guess the way I envision it working is kind of like a coma or an astral projection, and in that period of physical unconsciousness you get to rearrange and update your personality traits like you're customizing a Sim of yourself.

I know if I had that ability, I would make myself kinder, more understanding, more hardworking, more reasonable, more genuine, more confident, a better friend, and overall a wiser human being. If it works like the Sims customizer does, I would probably even change some bits of my appearance, maybe making myself shorter or my nose a little smaller or my face a different shape. I suppose I have too many things I don't like about myself to know when to STOP.

But would I still be me? Would you still be you?

I'm pretty sure everybody on this site at this point is familiar with the Ship of Theseus thought experiment; for those who aren't, it poses the question: "if a ship's parts gradually decay and break off get replaced one by one until the entire ship is made up of new materials, is it still the same ship?" Similarly, if every single part of you was changed, would you still be you? Granted, an argument could be made that such a process already happens as you grow and experience life, and that the option proposed above would only speed up the process. Most people would agree that you are still you after all the changes you've experienced in your life, even if you aren't the "same" you as you were three years ago. But if those changes were to happen instantaneously? Would you even be recognizable by the people in your life?

Who knows?

I know I'm making this sound like a bad deal, but I can't say I wouldn't take the opportunity if it fell before me. God knows I could use it.

But that's the thing about opportunities: sometimes they fall before you, but you generally have a better chance of making something of them and of yourself if you actively pursue them, rather then waiting for one to fall in your lap like a stray autumn leaf.

"Look, kid, everyone wants to believe they are "chosen". But if we all waited around for a prophecy to make us special, we'd die waiting. And that's why you need to choose yourself."

My favorite quote of all time, from Eda the Owl Lady. Never in my life has it been more relevant than right now, when I'm literally looking for a shortcut to character development for myself. Unfortunately I am an absolutely terrible listener, so I've never really be able to take this advice to heart, despite knowing how much I need to. I guess finding the strength to seek out the things you want is a lot harder when you're already bearing the weight of your own expectations for yourself.

It's not easy. Nothing ever is, but making myself do something that would actually benefit me? Genuinely one of the hardest things I've ever had to regularly face in my life. There's a REASON I've procrastinated getting therapy for so long. Why does doing things that are good for me feel so impossibly difficult? Why am I like this? Why can't I just throw myself into a coma and swap around my personality traits like a little character customizer? Why can't I change the bad things about instantly? Why do I have to WORK for it when I can barely work on anything tangible? Why? Why? Why?

What if it's because it's not supposed to be attainable? What if my personality was like wet cement the first 19 years of my life, and I can no longer shape it now that it's solidified into concrete? What if making myself who I want to be is my Sisyphean task? What if? What if? What if?

I don't know if I can ever actually know the answers. I guess all one can do is keep trying and keep hoping science will one day invent a way to alter your core traits at will.

[showfallmediamaintenance]

[The video starts with a half blocked view of the interior of a car, the door opens and the two step out into the crisp night air. The car door shuts and Edgar thanks the driver as he speeds off. Leaving the duo alone in front of the looming abandoned office building.]

Mari: It's weird I've never actually been to an abandoned office building.

Edgar: Honestly, it seems like you would have at this point.

Mari: Listen, just because I set off 377 fireworks outside of a mall doesn't mean I randomly walk into abandoned places.

Edgar: Hm, yeah. It just seems like you would, though. Considering your horror series. Maybe I’m just thinking about it wrong. I don’t know.

[The ground sways as Edgar bounces from one leg to another, idly keeping himself busy.]

Mari: The only abandoned places I've ever walked into for a horror series, is an abandoned hospital and that school.

Edgar: Christ, you’ve been to an abandoned hospital? How much do you travel?

Mari: I'll be honest… I haven't been home in 3 months, so a lot ig.

Edgar: Huh. Um, I think we strayed a little off topic. Where do you think Mai would be in this building?

Mari: Whatever room has the most technology, mai always talked about those damn wires so that's the best bet.

Edgar: Yeah, probably, you ready?

Mari: Honesty? no, but I've come this far. It seems kinda dumb to back out now.

Edgar: Alright, let’s go.

[The camera angle changes from a half-blocked view of the floor to a full view of the front of the building, Edgar having put his phone in his front shirt pocket. The building looks unstable, and casts a large shadow over the two, blocking out the moon. They begin to move towards the entrance.]

Mari: This place is fucking creepy.

Edgar: Yeah, and very unsafe. We should try to be as quick as possible.

Mari: I mean yeah good point but how are we supposed to be quick in a fight?

Edgar: Hit first, hit fast. That’s what my dad taught me.

Mari: Nice…Um, anyway how are we supposed to find the room with the tech?

Edgar: Since it’s an office building, I’d assume there would be tech on every floor. Which actually makes this harder, damnit.

Mari: Wait… does Mai sing like a song or do something to taunt you? if so that could make this easier.

Edgar: Maybe? I– wait, hold on, did you see that?

[Edgars arm gestures to the building vaguely.]

Mari: See what? bro is your vision going out? no offence.

Edgar: Hey! Full offence taken! No, I’m talking about the figure that just ran by the fourth floor window.

Mari: Bro I didn't see shit I'll be honest.

Edgar: Maybe your vision is going…

Mari: Not scientifically possible.

Edgar: Mhm, yeah, alright. We should go to the fourth floor.

Mari: Alright, sure.

[The two enter the building, and begin carefully making their way to the fourth floor, taking the stairs very cautiously, so as to not get injured.]

Mari: Ok what now?

Edgar: Well, we find Mai. And we win. I… have to be honest, I had no plan, I know I said I did, but…

Mari: 1. alright how do we do that? 2. I'm gonna kick your fucking ass if we survive this.

Edgar: Well, strike first, strike fast. Also, not if I run away.

[Edgar chuckles, he turns to Mari, who does not look very amused.]

Mari: That doesn't answer the first thing.

[A faint noise can be heard out of view. Edgar gasps.]

Edgar: Shh… do you hear that?

Mari: Um… Oh shit yeah…… who tf is humming that?

Edgar: It’s her, she’s up here.

Mai: Dear Rose Was Sad She Knew She'd Been Had…

[Edgar tenses up, barely moving. The camera stays eerily still.]

Mari: AYO! That's not very nice.

Edgar: Oh, you motherfucker… Get the hell out here.

Mai: Ugh…. Fine.. Huh, I Guess Rose Was Foreshadowing Something With That Song, You Really Did Understand Mechanical Hands.

Edgar: I swear to god… Mari, could you hold on to my phone? I have a score to settle.

[The angle switches again as Edgar passes the phone to Mari. After his hands are free again, he rolls up the sleeves of his bloodied dress shirt and grips the crowbar in both of his hands, preparing for a fight.]

Mari: Shit alright!

Mai: Why Do You Have A Score To Settle With Me? I'm The Reason Your Idiot Daughter Isn't Dead On The Mall Floor.

Edgar: There were so many other options. I’m not going to listen to anything you say.

Mai: Oh Yeah Because You Did Such A Great Job At Keeping Rose Safe Didn't You? Leaving Her For Dead?

[Edgar visibly tenses up, tightening his grip on his crowbar.]

Edgar: Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about!

[Without another word, Edgar lunges at Mai, who had been expecting this. She swiftly sidesteps the attack, leaving Edgar stumbling forward into nobody.]

Mai: What? Do You Think I'm Just Gonna Stand There? Maybe If I Did You'd Actually Do Something Right. :)

[Mai kicks Edgar in the arm, knocking him over.]

Edgar: Fucking hell, quite literally kicking someone while they’re down. Not that I wouldn’t put it past you.

Mai: At Least I Didn't Leave My Daughter Who Trusted Me, Just To Go Save Two People. And After You Promised The Poor Girl.

Edgar: You’re a real A+ bitch, you know that?

[Edgar coughs into his arm, glaring daggers up at Mai.]

Mari: Um shit….. what to do, what to do…..

[Edgar stands, wobbling a little, he turns back to Mari and he begins to respond. Before he can, broken ceramic shards fly past his face, landing a few blows, he winces and whips back around to Mai.]

Mai: Aww I Missed. :(

Edgar: Well. Unlike you, I won’t.

[Edgar swings at Mai with his crowbar, Mai easily dodges, but Edgar swings back the other way, nailing her in the head, Mai falls to the floor.]

Mai: Huh… Maybe If You Did That More Often Rose Wouldn't Be A Monster.

Mari: fucking hell….

Edgar: I should really learn to ignore people while I’m fighting, but you’re really motivating me to win. Hopefully you aren’t too far gone by the time you reach the mall.

Mai: What Do You Get Out Of Killing Me? Think About It… The Only Person Who Could Maybe Fix Rose……. Killing Me Actually Wouldn't Bring That Brat Back.

[Instead of responding, Edgar grabs Mai’s shirt and shoves her into a wall, placing the crowbar horizontally across her neck. He pushes with increasing force.]

Mai: Haha I Knew You Didn't Care About Rose, So Do It… Kill Your Only Hope! Can You Bring Yourself To Do It?

Mari: Edgar, think about this…

Edgar: Fuck… I… you aren’t bluffing, are you?

Mai: Take A Guess You Fucking Idiot!

[Edgar pushes the crowbar further into her neck.]

Mari: Edgar, don't do this!

[Edgar pauses for what seems like an eternity, shaking slightly, he takes the crowbar off of Mai’s throat and stumbles backwards, he places one end of the crowbar on the ground as a support, he leans on it, just barely staying standing.]

Mai: You Really Are An Idiot. Just Like Your Daughter.

[Mai starts running away, stabbing Mari in the process. Mari yells out in pain as Mai stops near the stairwell.]

Mari: Fuck!

[The phone clatters to the floor, leaving the camera facing the ceiling in front of the stairs. Edgar shouts and sprints over to Mari.]

Edgar: Mari! Shit. Damnit. Fuck–

Mai: Perhaps We'll Meet Again Mechanic But Until Then, Enjoy The Show.

[Mai starts running down the stairs, holding her throat where the crowbar had been pressed to not moments before.]

Mari: shit….

Edgar: Mari, are you okay? Fuck, I knew that bitch was bluffing–

Mari: it wasn't a bluff edgar… At least i don't think so…. and I'm fine.

Edgar: You’ve just been stabbed, Mari. Where was it?

Mari: my shoulder….. and it's not like i haven't been stabbed before.

Edgar: No matter how many times you’re stabbed, it still hurts like hell. We need to stop the bleeding.

Mari: there's a jacket in my bag and a knife, cut up the jacket. It will work until I can get to a hospital.

Edgar: Alright, I’ll do that.

[Edgar wrenches the bag open and takes the jacket out, along with the knife, he quickly slices a chunk out and presses it to the wound.]

Mari: OW! that fucking hurt!...

Edgar: Sorry, I know… shit…

Mari: I'm sorry about mai escaping. I should have done more, i could have done more.

Edgar: No, you did your best. I should have planned this out, if I did, you wouldn’t have gotten stabbed, and Mai would probably still be in the building, I should have known.

Mari: You couldn't have planned for mai to say any of that.

Edgar: I… I could have, she’s been taunting me for at least a week, now. She tends to say things to get people riled up.

Mari: I don't think that was a taunt, I'll be honest.

Edgar: Hm. Well, we need to get you to a hospital. Do you think I should call another Uber?

Mari: Yeah…. I'll pay. I have some back-up money to my back-up money.

Edgar: Absolutely not, I have money. And I can earn it back. I’ll pay.

Mari: Fine then you do you, but after if they let me go home tonight when do i go? i don't trust my fucking house.

Edgar: Well, I have an apartment, but I’m not sure I can go there, my girlfriend might be there, and she’d send me directly back to the hospital to play angry birds again.

Mari: So I get in through the window? pretty fucking easy not gonna lie…. also what? angry birds?

Edgar: I fucking hate angry birds, the red one is so annoying. Um, sorry. I’m pretty sure you can just go into the apartment through the door, just don’t mention me. Kath wouldn’t turn you away.

Mari: That works I guess, what about you?

Edgar: … don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.

Mari: I'm sneaking you in through the window, wouldn't be the first time I've done something like that for a friend won't be the last.

Edgar: You don’t need to do that, too risky for me, I’ll be okay.

[Mari takes their jacket off, they have on a t-shirt of a white rabbit mascot holding a knife. they also grab a mask and some sunglasses and hand them to edgar]

Mari: You’re not turning me down edgar.

Edgar: Hey, hospital first. We can talk about this after.

Mari: Ugh, fine, call the damn uber.

Edgar: Already on it.

[Edgar picks up the phone, and stares into the camera, his eyes widen as he sees the light flashing dimly on the top.]

Edgar: How long has this been…

[Edgar fumbles with the phone for a few seconds, and the video shuts off. Ending the video transcript.]

[tryingtimi]

Scattered Confessions: Cronyl Eldenwer

You once asked me what I’d do for love.

I told you; nothing.

That was the first time you’ve looked at me as if I just personally offended God herself. And perhaps I did. Yet, your eyes did not speak about anger or confusion. Instead, they bore disappointment, bewilderment. Pity, even.

You were sad for me.

And I thought you naive for that. So naive, it began plaguing my mind. Every time we strayed to the topic, I was battling against seeing that look on your face again. It took me some time to realize — I could do nothing to prevent that.

Not when I always told you the same thing, over and over again.

That I would never do anything for love. For family, for friends, for people; anything. Everything. But for love?

No.

And you were sad, sadder I have ever seen you.

It was a topic you tried to avoid around me. And I couldn’t blame you for it. I never tried.

You didn’t change, though. You told me I seem to judge you every time you do something out of love. Yet, you never changed. Thank God, you never did.

Sometimes I want to open up my heart to show you the place you carved into it. The little corner you started in, and slowly expanded into a mansion. A castle. A palace. A whole new world.

You roamed that damned, frozen land and you decided to build a home in it.

You didn’t care about the reign of that lifeless cold or the seemingly infertile soil. You didn’t care about the loneliness, the danger.

Because danger it held, plenty.

You still remained. You have lured out that ragged, sad thing of a snow leopard with a rusty key in its mouth. With your presence, you threatened its home. It was battled down, worn and tired. Yet it was ready to hurt you, to make you run.

You didn’t even flinch. No, you approached it, and let it bite you as you reached for it. Of course, you did. You did what no one ever tried, what no one ever would have.

And even then, you stayed.

With patience of a divinity, you clung to the key you’d grabbed and let the savage clutch its teeth over your arm. The arm that tried to help, that offered kindness. You waited, and the only thing you whispered was comfort. Because you knew, if you'd let it go, the beast would have swallowed the metal piece. It was ready to do that and be gone. Lost. With the key to something important devoured forever.

So, with the slowest of any motion, you began pulling your hand back, smiling at the beast. And it worked. It loosened its jaw until you were free. It licked the wound and never wandered from your touch after that.

You have tamed the beast. The beast and that wild land it carried as a heart.

You've cared for those that did not deserve it. You've forgiven those not worthy. You've extended a hand when no one did. And with that, every footstep of yours left some goodness behind. A change for the better, a memory to cling to. A kind stranger to give you hope. I've watched you do what I never thought possible.

Sometimes I want to open up my heart to show you what was built there because of you. How it changed because of you. How it shaped, because you've shown me a path I wasn't brave enough to look at before.

You gave me the strength to do that. To see a gentler path, one that warmed the frozen, one that lasted, one that was harder to step at. Yet it was there, waiting. Just like you.

And that was the moment I realized — you were many things, but only one truly. You were love incarnate. You always will be. Because that is who you are; someone so full of love, a world could not bear with it alone. But it can try, just like any other soul who meets you and falls like I did.

I am no poet to tell you the measure of my love in a hundred beautiful sonata.

But if you’d ask me what I’d do for love again…

… I’d tell you; everything.

[skz-bella]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ PLAYLIST

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Taglist: @curly-fr13s

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ I WANNA BE YOURS BY ARCTIC MONKEYS "Secrets I have held in my heart Are harder to hide than I thought Maybe I just wanna be yours."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ FEEL SPECIAL BY TWICE "You make me feel special."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ FANCY BY TWICE "거기 너 I fancy you 아무나 원하지 않아 Hey, I love you (love ya) 그래 너 I fancy you 꿈처럼 행복해도 돼 'Cause I need you."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ MORE AND MORE BY TWICE "You're gonna say more more more more more and more 멈추지 못해 more more more and more 그러니 한 번 더"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ SECRET STORY OF THE SWAN BY IZ*ONE "상상했던 모든 순간들이 눈앞에 다가올 그때까지 너를 위한 춤을 춰 우아하게"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ GOD'S MENU BY STRAY KIDS "뭐든 그냥 집어넣어 눈치 보지 말고 더 망설이지 말고 부어 비벼 비벼"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ THUNDEROUS BY STRAY KIDS "Here they come 악당 무리에 뜨거운 피가 돌아 온몸에 번져 소문난 꾼들의 모임에 쏟아지는 눈빛은 Freezing cold, but I know we'll burn forever 해보라는 태도, 난 여전히 할 말을 내뱉지 퉤! 퉤! 퉤!"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ USED TO BE (L.O.V.E) BY CHELSEA COLLINS "L is for the way you lie to me O is for the other ones you see, yeah and V is for vindictive chew my heart and then you spit it E hurts even more but who knows what I keep hoping for."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ DALLA DALLA BY ITZY "Keep your chin up, we got your back (hey) Keep your head up, just keep on dreaming (yeah) Keep your chin up, we got your back (hey) Keep your head up, just keep on dreaming (everybody)"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ AYA BY MAMAMOO "못된 사랑놀이에 미쳐 이기적인 넌 이젠 지쳐 눈물인지 또 빗물인지 oh 넌 내게 모욕감을 줬어 눈물이 뚝 떨어진다"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ HIP BY MAMAMOO "삐삐삐 논란이 돼 my fashion (oh) 별로 신경 안 써 그저 action (yeah) 자꾸 click me click me 홀린 듯이 zoom Close up, close up, close up"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ LOVE ME LIKE THIS BY NMIXX "Can you see the paradise? (ooh-ooh) 감각들을 깨워봐 끝내 찾은 missing piece 심장 속을 밝힌 peace 나를 향해 켜진 love 결국 너를 향할 love 너와 내 꿈이 이어져 커져갈 time"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ TYPA GIRL BY BLACKPINK "Uh, I'm the type of girl that everybody type Double tap, tap, tap, what everybody like You can check my stats, got everybody's eye And I run them laps 'round everybody's mind All of these girls on some uppercase shit That mean they all cap Being the best at whatever I do That's sounding on brand."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ MIC DROP BY BTS "Did you see my bag? (where?) Did you see my bag? (where?) It's hella trophies and it's hella thick (hella thick, hella thick) What you think 'bout that? (well) What you think 'bout that? (well) I bet it got my haters hella sick (hella sick) Come and follow me, follow me with your signs up I'm so firin', firin', boy, your time's up Keep on and runnin' and runnin' until I catch up How you dare? How you dare? How you dare?"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ POLAROID LOVE BY ENHYPEN "It's like a polaroid love 사랑 촌스런 그 감정 근데 내 가슴이 뛰어 왜 나 이래 나? (야)"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ SOUR GRAPES BY LE SSERAFIM "눈물 나게 시큼한 맛 (Sour) 그런 게 만약 사랑이면 맛보고 싶지 않아 I just feel afraid Love is sour, love is sour grapes"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ MY ORDINARY LIFE BY THE LIVING TOMBSTONE "They tell me that I'm special, I smile and shake my head I'll give them stories to tell friends about the things I said They tell me I'm so humble, I say, "I'm turning red" They let me lie to them and don't feel like they've been misled They give so much to me, I'm losing touch, get me? Served on a silver platter, ask for seconds, they just let me."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN BY BRUNO MARS "You bring me to my knees, you make me testify (ooh) You can make a sinner change his ways (ooh) Open up your gates 'cause I can't wait to see the light (ooh) And right there is where I wanna stay (ooh)"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ OCEAN EYES BY BILLIE EILISH "I've been watchin' you for some time Can't stop starin' at those ocean eyes Burning cities and napalm skies Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes Your ocean eyes."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ MY STRANGE ADDICTION BY BILLIE EILISH "Bad, bad news One of us is gonna lose I'm the powder, you're the fuse Just add some friction."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ GOOD IN GOODBYE BY MADISON BEER "I would take a bullet for you just to prove my love Only to find out you are the one holding the gun I'm just tryna get focus, take some time for me People started to notice all the shit you couldn't see."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ CASE 143 BY STRAY KIDS "Walking next to you, but I'm falling 더 깊게 빠져들어 끌리지 You're pulling me deeper and deeper I try to get out, but I can't stop."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ GIVE ME YOUR TMI BY STRAY KIDS "너도 나와 똑같을까 그냥 궁금한 게 아니야 무슨 대답이 나올까 예상하긴 어렵지만"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ CHARMER BY STRAY KIDS "Oh, you can't resist it Oh, 몸부림쳐 봐도 Oh, 나의 주문에 춤춰"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ WONDERLAND BY ALEXA "I'm caught in a sweet illusion 난 깨지 않은 것처럼 I admit it's drivin' me mad I should quit, but I want it so bad Yeah."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ FLOWER BY JISOO "붉게 타버려진 너와 나 난 괜찮아 넌 괜찮을까? 구름 한 점 없이 예쁜 날 꽃향기만 남기고 갔단다"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ PRETTY SAVAGE BY BLACKPINK "비슷한 걸 걸쳤지만 자태부터 다름 짠 하고 나타나면 카펫부터 깔음 BLACK 했다 PINK 했다 내 맘대로 바꿈 네 질투가 문제야, maybe I'm the problem."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ FEEL MY RHYTHM BY RED VELVET "What a, what a feeling, 어서 내 손을 잡아 (all right) 본 적 없던 film, 빠져드는 you and I (you and I) Next time, 시계를 돌려, 어디로 가볼까? Come on, 또다시 시작해 you and I, oh-oh."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ BLACK MAMBA BY AESPA "거울 속의 나는 네가 아닐까? (Hey) 일그러져버린 환영인 걸까? 다시 너와 연결될 수 있다면 (hey) 너를 만나고 싶어 이제 모든 걸 삼켜버릴, Black Mamba."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ VILLIAN BY STELLA JANG "I'm a villain 왜 아닐 거라 생각해 아주 못돼먹은 작은 악마 같은 나인걸 몰라 You're a villain 왜 아닐 거라 생각해 미처 몰랐던 악마가 네 안에 숨 쉬고 있어"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ YES OR YES BY TWICE "Hey, boy Look, I'm gonna make this simple for you You got two choices Yes or yes?"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ MOONLIGHT SUNRISE BY TWICE "Cards out on the table, what you say? I need you, you need me, you're mine I'm your moonlight, you're my sunrise, babe I guarantee I got ya"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ DO OR DIE BY ALEXA "'Cause I got 아찔한 vein 날이 선 night 끊어질 chain 준비된 fight 심장의 screaming 들리니 beating 깊게 더 패인 it's do or die"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ CHESHIRE BY ITZY "내 뒤에 가려진 내 맘 사실 나도 몰라 what I want (oh) 대체 왜 그게 중요해? We're gonna do it, right? (Will you join me?)"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ SNOWY BY ITZY "깨지 못할 꿈 속으로 와 두 발이 오직 내게 묶인 채로 춤추게 될 환상 속으로 Now ah ah ah 널 위한 무대 위로 올라 Don’t you wanna be the star of my own show?"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⌦ .｡.:*♡ PAINT THE TOWN BY LOONA "12개의 다른 문을 열어놔 (let me in just, baby) 다시 우린 마주하게 될 거야 Open your eyes, is it moon or the sky? (Oh, no) And living is wise, if you never ever think twice"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[still-astray]

For YoU(s)

A little platonic love makes its way around Stray Kids

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 903

Warnings: if shoulder massages make you uncomfortable then please read at your own risk, there's absolutely nothing nsfw or suggestive in this though so you should be safe to read it <3

🧚🏻‍♀️

“Why on earth is Sophie huddled in the corner of Jeongin’s and my hotel room?” Seungmin’s concerned question brought the rest of Stray Kids crowding around the corner where Sophie indeed huddled, hunched over and stretching her shoulders.

“And aggressively rolling her shoulders?” added Jisung.

“I've had a crick in my neck all day and it won't leave.” Sophie arched her neck and pushed her shoulder the opposite direction, letting out a sigh of despair. “And there goes another wasted attempt.”

“Come here.” Changbin scooped her up and gently dumped the slightly surprised Sophie on the nearest bed. “Someone get a blanket, and Soph, lay down on your front.”

Sophie complied, still puzzled. “What's going on- oof!” She let out a grunt as a weighted blanket landed in lump on her back. “Who threw that?”

“Sorry, not sorry,” teased Hyunjin, coming over and straightening out the blanket over Sophie's back and legs. “Bet it popped your back, though.”

“Actually, you're probably right.” Sophie wrinkled her nose out of habit.

“Rabbit,” teased Minho.

“That's me,” objected a pouting Changbin.

Felix maneuvered into a comfortable position on the bed so that he was facing Sophie. “Where is it sore?”

“All over,” admitted Sophie.

“And how long has it been hurting again?”

Sophie giggled. “You sound like a doctor.”

“Good,” said Felix, pressing his fingertips into her shoulder area and starting to massagethe top of her left shoulder. “Now, miss, how long has it been hurting?” he asked again in English, adopting a doctorish tone.

Sophie just giggled harder. “All day,” she answered. ”Progressively getting worse.”

“Wait, are you trying to tell me she danced with this?” demanded Hyunjin. “Sophie, give me an honest answer now. Did you dance with a crick in your neck?”

Sophie winced. “Umm….”

Hyunjin groaned aloud in frustration while Chan just let out a sigh. “Okay, that's the last time we let her out of the hotel room without at least making sure she isn't in pain.”

“You make us sound so evil,” whined Jisung ft wherever he was.

“Nobody’s evil,” protested Sophie, pulling slightly away from Felix as she felt the massage going a little deeper than she normally preferred. “Ah- ow-”

“Oh, God, I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?!” Felix quickly lessened the intensity of the massage. “A tiny bit,” admitted Sophie. “It's not your fault though, it's bound to happen when someone makes as dumb a decision as I did.”

“Let me try.” Seungmin switched places with Felix, starting off gently. “Okay, let me know if it hurts. A little pain is okay, that just means that the muscles are loosening up.”

“Okay,” Sophie said in English, mimicking the intonation of one of her favorite kdrama characters.

Jeongin's laugh sounded from across the small room. “What accent was that?!”

“Song Woo Bin,” Sophie said, still using the same intonation. “Member of the infamous F4 in-crowd, in the very well-known drama, Boys Over Flowers. Played by Kim Joon. Has strong connections to a mafia boss-”

“Whoa, how does she know this much?” questioned Jisung. “That show ran when she was three.”

“There's a device called a phone, Jisung,” teased Sophie, “with these cool things called free streaming apps.” A slight burn penetrated her muscles. “Ow, burn, Seungmin, that burns.”

“Level of pain?” Seungmin asked.

“About a two at most. Rapidly reducing to a one.” Sophie rolled her shoulders just a little bit. “Okay, that seriously feels good. Seungmin, you should get paid for this. Like an actual side job. People would be lining up miles down the road.”

“Stop exaggerating,” laughed Seungmin. “But if you really want me to open up shop, you and I can run a miniature one right here tonight.”

“Yes!!” Sophie would have clapped, had her hands not been trapped under her body.

“Okay, Hyunjin, queue them up,” said Seungmin, clearly enjoying this. “Or whoever is least sore.”

“I'll do it,” volunteered Chan.

“Not a chance.” This time it was Sophie who spoke up. “You sit hunched over a laptop in the studio all day when we're in Korea, then you go dance until you practically break yourself. Someone put him at the head of the line.”

She knew Chan was grinning when he responded. “Sophie, I think you're the only think holding us together anymore.”

“Oh, I don't know about that,” disagreed Sophie with a smile. “Seems to me you guys were doing just fine before I came along.”

“Yeah, on camera,” laughed Jeongin.

Sophie playfully rolled her eyes, though no one could see. “Okay, fine, I admit it: I guess you guys do actually need me.”

“Duh!!” came the chorus of eight voices.

“Okay, now for the line!” Jisung exclaimed after somehow managing to give Sophie a hug.

“I'm next after Chan!”

“No, how about we rock-paper-scissors for it?”

“You always win though!”

“Exactly!”

Sophie just listened as the minor clamor for places in the line ensued, smiling to herself as she sat up and stretched her pain-free shoulders. Scooting over on the bed just a little bit, she reached over and wrapped her arms around Seungmin.

A bit surprised, Seungmin hugged her back. “I didn't expect this. Aren't you going to roast me?”

Sophie giggled. “Not after you just saved my shoulders’ life. And my sanity along with that.”

Seungmin smiled and playfully tugged on her single, long braid. “You goofy, but you nice goofy.”

“I could say the same for you.”

“Yous,” quipped Felix in English, making Sophie laugh for the thousandth time that week. “Because us is in yous.”

“Oh my God, that’s so cute and cheesy,” Jisung laughed. “I love it.”

Sophie grinned. “Okay, then, me and Seungmin are now officially running a temporary office- for yous.”

taglist: @fromfreesia @skzfairies @skz-angel

[skzswife]

Taste (Lee Minho)

Pt 3 Pt 2 link Pt 1 link

The loudspeaker comes on NOW FOR THE PERFORMANCE OF STRAY KIDS "Well that's us. Come out and sit front row bring your friends too" you nod and follow him out to a certain point before splitting and sitting front row after signaling your friends. Bangchan starts introducing what songs they are doing "Today we are performing fan favorites up first we have what Hyunjin" "CHEESE" they perform 15 songs and you notice Lee Know keeps glancing at you during the show and you feel like you might faint when Felix walks over to you "Hey! What's your favorite song by us?" "O-oh Taste I think" "Okay!" Felix chirps before skipping away and whispering something to Bangchan "And to conclude this concert because we sadly have to leave is TASTE" you literally get dizzy when Hyunjin, Felix, And Minho start singing and all the while Minho is staring directly at you and after the song ends and they do the encore security comes up to you and your friends and takes you back to the dressing rooms where Stray kids is waiting for you and you're all excited but your excitement turns to nervousness when you find Minho absent from the room "Looking for Minho?" Changbin asks and you nod. He points to a room that branches off the dressing room "go on he's in there don't even bother to knock he's probably brushing his teeth or something" you nod and walk toward the door opening it gently and when you look up you're met with a VERY shirtless Minho "OH MY GOD I"M SORRY" "It's alright no need to freak" he chuckles "Can you close the door though?" "O-oh yeah sure" you close the door behind you and don't catch yourself staring at his body "So your favorite song is taste?" you look away and blush "Y-yeah it is" "Why do you seem so scared I don't bite" "Maybe because I'm Infront of an insanely hot boy" you cover your mouth "O-oh your honest" he chuckles "I-I don't know what happened-'' your cut off by his lips on yours "whoops I don't know what happened" You blush "Y-you just kissed me" "Yeah I did" you connect your lips again "Fuck I see why your favorite song is taste. You taste amazing" "wait what are we doing" He shrugs "I dunno fucking? dating? It's up to you" "You wanna date me?" "Yeah I've had my eye on you for a while and I like you" you kiss him and take your button up off as he breaks the kiss "Holy fuck your beautiful. Can I?" you nod and he fondles your breasts and something in his eyes changes, he takes his sweats off and starts to take yours off, you lift your hips to help him and his heart almost falls to his ass at the sight of your lace panties that he is about to rip off, which he does seconds later soon followed by his own though he doesn't go straight to fucking you instead he positions himself between your legs and starts lapping at your cunt "Fuck your so wet and you taste so fucking good" you can't respond with anything but moans with how he expertly eats you out and he has you cumming within minutes. Then he lifts you up to the sink and kisses you sweetly while positioning himself at your entrance "You ready?" "Yes please" he slowly pushes into you so he doesn't hurt you "Please go faster you won't hurt me" "Okay kitten you asked" He says as he slams his length into you causing you to jolt "Ah- Fuck" he gives you a moment to acclimate before starting to move slowly speeding up slowly you already have a fucked out expression on your face "Fuck if you keep that look on your face I might lose it" "Then lose it" That's all it took for him to start pounding you with no mercy hitting your G-spot effortlessly "Fuck your so perfect" he says speeding up even more your about to scream when he puts his hand around your throat to keep you quiet "Min I'm gonna cum" "Not yet baby" you try your hardest to hold it back but he's fucking you to well "Min I can't Please please please" "alright you've been so good go ahead" with his permission you cum harder than you ever have before and he cums soon after you filling you up afterwards helping you clean up and put your clothes on "I can't believe they didn't know we've been dating for months" "Yeah"

@linos-kitten

[thronelessking]

❝ love is madness, and lust is poison. ❞ - cornelius to mirabelle

The figure treads the shadows with ease, the sound of them betrayed only by the faintest of careless steps. He need not hide here, in the depths of this temple. His temple. He circles. The monster that watches from the corners of a house, in the creaking portions of doors open only slightly ajar. The figure that haunts the periphery of many. The man and his Brother before him take care not to let their eyes stray to the unholy presence in the room.

Eventually the shadows lay claim to the god with no form, who exists comfortably in-between the space of tangible reality and the unknown; only in this room these three are aware of what must transpire. The grueling work of impersonating that which one was not born into; nobility is easy to read upon yet harder to emulate. The hours whittle away as they have for days. Weeks. Months. Years.

Norgorber is nothing if not meticulous. Right down to his faithful. but even now, even in this moment, the end of it is just within his sight. He waits and watches through practice that has turned to habit, to flawless execution. A thief's grace and a murderer's brutalist efficiency slowly refined into the perfect movements; no longer picturesque - obvious - manners, motions, and words. No longer a textbook example of Taldan nobility, what's projected to the world outside of their bubble, but a lived in second skin. Unspoken etiquette, the comforts of an identity tailored to ones existence, purpose that lives in the unseen bones of a person and not on the face.

The lessons continue, long until a normal mans knees would knock and wobble, driven to the floor with exhaustion. Not once does the younger Brother of the Mask falter, despite it all retaining a trained posture, having learned quickly what this is all meant to teach - to upkeep an image, but to make sure that image bends and blends with its surroundings and situations - and eventually the older Brother steps back, contented with his work.

'That is all I have to teach you.' They say, efficient as always. 'The rest will be up to our Father to decide.' There are no farewells, no well wishes as the older of them leaves, steps beyond cold stone boundaries. It is the last that Brother will see of the younger one, remember any of their years of time; every second of it gone in an instant the moment their god reaches into his mind and gently steals them away.

Still standing with a distant, focused gaze, the younger looks to the shadows that have ceased to move and breathe with the flickering lanterns. The unseen stares back before clearing the distance with even, silent steps, and even at a relaxed slouch he towers over the other. "Come, we will speak as we walk." There is a smile that is clear in his voice as he jokes, most clearly, for there will be no man to speak to but a sensation that tugs the younger forward. Pulls him through the temple, to the streets of Oppara in the cover of night and its blessed shadows that shield him from every single eye. To a mansion that did not exist only a handful of years ago.

Before the iron-wrought gates, the younger man stands. Without a sound they open just enough for him to walk through; to a set of doors a shield of arms hanging above it: a rearing unicorn bound by a linnorm, eyes gleaming and claws raised.

No light greets the man as he walks through into a mansion that now, only houses one:

He who stands in the foyer, alone as he's ever been.

Behind him the doors close with not even a creak, a slam, or the gentle sound of old locks shifting into place. Encased entirely in darkness, his god once again appears, presses upon his faithful's back as they lean in to speak with utmost fondness to him. "The name you had before, you must throw it away like you threw your old life away for me." His hands inch just slightly beyond man's shoulders, squeezing. "I've taken great pleasure in handcrafting you a new identity to own; you will take the name of Cornelius Wesker. Not a single sibling of yours is aware of it or the history I've made for you. Worry not though, for I will give you those secrets soon." With that, the god releases the man and walks past him, ascending the first couple stairs to the next floor. "Follow closely, and recite to me what you have learned. These walls will swallow your words, lest you doubt me."

The man - Cornelius now - recites everything ingrained in his mind to which there is only the cold silence of divinity to greet his words, and the muffled steps upon carpet richer than the blood than runs in a mans veins. Without sound, without warning, the god passes through a door; slipping through shadows and impossible space. The chill of the metal doorknob has only a second to register within the mans senses before the door opens a hair. "Perfect recital as always. But I've come to understand that your tutelage has left you lacking in a way that will take a more personal hand to rectify." The words beckon Cornelius deeper within where his god gestures to a room far beyond the dreams of village folk. "Earl Cornelius Wesker. A fine name and title and as such, you must understand something you spoke without a thought earlier. 'Love is madness, and lust is poison' as you put it. Yes, that is quite true and even more so for nobility."

Gauntlets slide from invisible form, placed gently upon one of the lounge couches as the god continues. "To climb their ranks you must be more than willing to offer yourself, not just wise allegiances and promising favors. Much as they love to shame each other in public, every family has their dalliances." Now bare of that which gives it shape, an unseen hand takes gentle hold of Cornelius' face, a thumb brushing over his lips. The first, proper, contact between acolyte and god. "I would not entrust the task of teaching you such things to a simple Son or Daughter of my faith; the tastes of which run often most extreme. You must learn to handle nobility with a gentle hand; inspire those concepts of love and lust in another without the cruelty we often indulge."

Towering once, now the god leans in to look, to listen. "You understand my implications; I can hear your heart racing from here. Every bit of you writhes with excitement, doesn't it?" The Reaper waits for no confirmations, no denials. "As I cannot entrust your more sensitive tutelage to another indeed I will be the one to instruct you in such things." The hand slips away from Cornelius's face, and he clutches the blonde's hands that do not shake nor tremble, warm, but not worryingly so, to the cowl that has obscured him since time immemorial. "I trust you understand what this means in every way, Cornelius. I will teach you, I will give you every bit of knowledge you will need to succeed. In doing so I will entrust you with my visage; upon which you know that betraying such knowledge is punishable by death. Yours and everyone you tell." A pause, and exhale slow and steady as Cornelius' hands grip the fabric with an intensity that could rip holes. The smile the god wears is for the moment, unseen, but devoid of warmth; a horrible sneer.

"I place my trust in you however, I know you will not betray it. Betray me. So go, unmask me, undress me. Come, know every inch of me in a way few men have even been given the privilege of remembering."

[sassygwaine]

here it is! the soundtrack to a love that won't sit still, the rather sprawling modern au series that i've been pouring my heart into these past couple months

best listened to in playlist order, track list below the cut

stray italian greyhound – vienna teng

this feeling calls for everything that I am not / I’m not that kind / I’m so good at shooting down any notion / this tired world could change

benjamin alphabet – super whatevr

if we weren’t so alike, maybe we’d work it out / but we’re stuck in this rut and my mind’s headed south

doa – olen

you hurt me bad just for fun / someday, some way / someone’s gonna love me

pressed 2 death – illuminati hotties

you only like me when I’m sad / you only want me when I’m feeling bad

bambi – hippo campus

I swear to god I wasn’t born to fight / maybe just a little bit, enough to make me sick of it / but I can read between the lines / I want to run from everything / but my legs won’t work it’s clear to me

sleep with a baseball bat – cosmic johnny

hey, space cadet / are you still floating around the rock / that you spent so much of your life trying to get away from / and does it at least look different up there?

settling – ripe

every time that you behave / every time you play it safe / you can feel it getting harder / still you’re waiting for things to get better / but you’re not sure if it’s now or never

bummer days – liza anne

I don’t know what I want, but I know that I feel bad / and then when I feel good, I think I make myself sad

heaven – los lonely boys

save me from this prison / lord help me get away / ‘cause only you can save me now / from this misery / I’ve been lost in my own place / and I’m getting weary

change – the catching

it’s time for a change / get out of your brain / it’s time that you’re wasting / you feel pretty vacant / it’s different than it was before

baby blue shades – bad suns

oh, I can see the moon from my kitchen / but I cannot see through this decision / I close my eyes and cross a line

everybody breaks – ivan & alyosha

who’s gonna bend now? / who’s gonna break? / who’s got the map to tell me what’s at stake?

heaven – bayside

but I’m getting old, it’s so contagious / if life’s a ride, then I don’t know the way / and I am a loner / and I am a fraud / and I am in hell / right where I belong / I am a sinner / but aren’t we all?

talk it up – sammy rae & the friends

smoky walls, dusty halls / no one calls / and all the window plants are dying / she talk it up / half empty cup / half-hearted love / half of the time halfway through crying

good riddance – green day

another turning point, a fork stuck in the road / time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go / so make the best of this test and don’t ask why

roots – grumpster

any time I think I feel at home again, I hit the ground running ‘til I’m gone

dwell on the guilt of saving myself – super whatevr

when everything is good, I feel like I’m somebody else / the sick loves the sick, but I’m sick of the dying. where’s the shame in wanting to grow old?

lady d’arbanville – yusuf / cat stevens

I’ll wake you tomorrow

life was easier when I only cared about me – bad suns

I had no reason to breathe / until you knocked the wind out of me / I had no light I could see / until your radiance blinded me / I was spinning around and around in an ocean of grief / your ladder came down to the sea

go your own way – fleetwood mac

open up, everything’s waiting for you

real contender – the dip

changin’ of the seasons / time is always creepin’ along / I wanna be a real contender / whether you see it or not / I know it’s in there, somewhere / this thing that we got / for once in my life I am sure of something

south – hippo campus

you broke down and left me with a / chest hum, black gun, and forty dollars / three weeks down, I drowned myself in whiskey

sabotage – beastie boys

I can’t stand rocking when I’m in here / ‘cause your crystal ball ain’t so crystal clear / so while you sit back and wonder why / I got this fucking thorn in my side

psycho – maisie peters

I feel like you feel nothing, that’s fine / please leave this behind / you’re losing your mind / calling me a hundred times / time you drew a line / and stopped wasting mine

well, fuck – mal blum

or did you lose like every other time you lost? / you have a god, you have a boss, no matter what you call / it’s all the same / fuck you, but I’ll do the things you want me to

gone insane – lucius

my heart’s so heavy I’m gonna need your help / losing my grip while holding everything else / my fists are clenched and I’m so angry with myself / the time we share is in the suffering / we’re all alone in this togetherness / go on and call me the one who’s gone insane / oh I will be the one who’s gone insane

slip the noose – the maine

I was on the verge of breaking down/ then you came around/ and not a second too late

trying to kill the moon – motherfolk

I never wanted it all / ‘til I found you / teach me as I fall / to fall towards you

crystal – stevie nicks

I turned around / and the water was closing all around / like a glove / like the love that had finally, finally found me

didya think – arlie

didya think it’d be easy? / I’ll tell you if it was easy / then everybody’d do it too

little words – the happy fits

darling, darling, darling, let me shelter you / lay you into all the homes that fear has made of me / how the shingles fall like dust beside your company

hide – rainbow kitten surprise

and he’s a better kisser than you’d think, mom / he’s a better listener than most / we took pretty pictures by the sea, mom / fell in love and sailed off

I’m okay – honest men

I’m in a good position to lose it again / the cards are dealt and my hand is in / the push and pull of my own chagrin / I’m alright

flipside – ripe

it’s alright to dive / with survival on your mind / you can take it step by step / ‘til you find solid ground

conversation – mom rock

you feel the pain and blame it on yourself / you feel the pain and hurt someone else

better in the morning – birdtalker

behind my eyes a familiar child / I take his hand and he finally smiles / be gentle with yourself as you uncover / your best kept secrets yet to be discovered

the reckoning – dom fera

change ain’t so sudden / it just hides as it’s coming / is this change or fruition / of some hope and ambition? / is this all repercussions?

bloodlust – left at London

what is hell to the god that you pray to? / either way, tell the devil “just trust us” / don’t expect anybody would’ve saved you / bloodlust tastes a little like justice

divine violence – itoldyouiwouldeatyou

and I know your father was an asshole but you ought to learn / how to keep yourself alive / because I shoot on sight now

work out – rainbow kitten surprise

well, the first cut was the deepest / but it healed up whole / and the last one was a clean hit / but I bled out below

shimmer – fuel

she says that love / is for fools that fall behind / and I’m somewhere between / I never really know a killer from a savior / ‘til I break at the bend

strangest faces – bayside

I have seen the strangest faces / yellow teeth and scary eyes / it turns out they’ve been there all my life / it’s hard to find a friendly face / when you’ve got nothing left to sell

lord is it mine – supertramp

when everything’s dark / and nothing seems right / there’s nothing to win / and there’s no need to fight / I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land / but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand

the garden – the happy fits

so if I lay down / and let roots grow ‘round / would it make me whole again? / and if barren wood / could touch this ground, oh / flower it would

superbloom – misterwives

wallflower in the spring / they can’t contain you / through the cracks, you break through

saw it coming – sammy rae & the friends

you’re gonna get the good that’s coming to you / you deserve it / even if you do not feel like you do

ghost stories – the narcissist cookbook

there is no ‘why’ about it / there is a ‘how’, I suppose, don’t really understand it though / maybe if I dug around a bit in the soil / I’d find out where all this love comes from and what it’s for / but then the question would be answered

two – sleeping at last

like a force to be reckoned with / a mighty ocean or a gentle kiss / I will love you without any strings attached / and what a privilege it is to love / a great honor to hold you up

nobody – hozier

we could have less to worry about / honey, I won’t lie to you / but everything I do / I’ve had no love like your love

you are the best thing – ray lamontagne

and baby / the way you move me, it’s crazy / it’s like you see right through me / and make it easier

easy silence – the chicks

and I’ve got all the world to lose / but I just want to hold on to / the easy silence that you make for me

living my best life – ben rector

I wake up with the sunrise / it does not look a thing like I thought that I would / but I’ve been getting my steps in / and I sleep with my best friend / it’s the best that it has been in a long time

know that I know – lake street dive

yeah, we’re like sneakers and gym socks / you’re happy hour and I am five o’clock / you’re captain kirk to my spock / you know I’m dee dee ramone and you’re punk rock

good old-fashioned lover boy – queen

I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things / we can do the tango just for two / I can serenade and gently play on your heart strings

sweetheart – kerry courtney

with everything you’ve been through dear / you’re stronger than you think / you’re kinda fucked up / and I love you for it / you’ve got a sweetheart / don’t you dare forget it

kick it to me – sammy rae & the friends

nowadays we’re working at the same pace / I’m still here still bright when the night comes / still burning, still bright when the night comes