#but above everything I’m a gay Steve BELIEVER

[farfaras]

Steddie week. Day 5: Established relationship. 1.3k words. Ao3 link.

@steddie-week

~

“Oh no! There’s no seats left! What will I ever do?” Eddie exclaims, like this was an actual problem. Going so far as to put his hand over his forehead, pretending to almost faint.

Steve is sitting on one end of the couch, Robin on the other side with Nancy in the middle. Argyle and Jonathan are sharing the loveseat next to them. They’re having a movie night at Steve’s. Surprisingly, over the course of the summer this group’s becoming closer than ever.

“Oh well, I guess there’s no other option.” Eddie shrugs.

Eddie approaches the couch, Steve opens his arms expecting Eddie to fall on his lap. That’s the only course of action that Steve sees possible. Then again, Steve doesn’t actually know what goes on Eddie’s mind all the time. He can imagine, guess or predict but at the end of the day Eddie keeps surprising him.

Instead of plopping himself on his boyfriend’s lap, Eddie goes and sits atop Nancy. What? Steve knows his face is full of confusion, he hears Robin snort. Well, excuse him for thinking his boyfriend would use this opportunity to cuddle him. That was the most logical explanation!

Eddie sits sideways and puts his arms around Nancy’s neck. Nancy doesn’t even look taken aback, she rests one hand on his leg while the other surrounds his waist. Steve sends them an incredulous look.

“Hey, Wheeler.” Eddie smiles at her. “How are you?”

“Hey yourself. I’m very good. How about you?” Nancy asks, nonchalantly.

“Better now, thanks for asking.” Is Eddie trying to bat his eyelashes?

Steve feels ignored, they’re doing this on purpose. When did they agree to this? “What the fuck?” Steve asks.

“What’s wrong, Steve?” Nancy shoots him an innocent look.

“What are you doing?”

“Well there were no other seats, so this seemed like the logical thing to do.” Eddie explains while knocking his and Nancy’s heads together.

Nancy nods. Her hand starts to move up, almost reaching Eddie’s thigh. Steve follows the movement with his eyes, frowning. “I don’t care how much progress we’ve made in our friendship, Nance. You move that hand any further and it all goes out the window.” Steve warns. They all know he’s joking, but Steve has to find a way for this to stop. He wants Eddie with him, and he doesn’t care how clingy that sounds.

Nancy makes a tsk sound, she turns to Eddie. “Are you sure you want him as your boyfriend? He seems kinda possessive.”

“Wha-! I’m right here!” Steve protests. He even crosses his arms in annoyance.

Eddie sighs. What the fuck is going on. “Is one of the things I have to live with.” He even shakes his head.

Nancy pouts. “Hmm. I wouldn’t be like that.” She nudges Eddie’s jaw with her nose. Steve doesn’t know how much longer he can put up with this. He swears he’s patient. This little game they’re playing should be over soon.

“Aw, if I could pick a lady, you know it’d be you.” Eddie uses his pointer finger to boop her nose. Nancy scrunches it and giggles. For fuck’s sake, Nancy Wheeler doesn’t giggle!

“That’s it, give him back!” Steve demands.

“Dingus, let them have their moment. You’re interrupting a precious thing.” Robin betrays him. Whatever, he’s used to that.

“He’s not your property, you know, Steve.” Nancy calmly says, as if she needs to explain it to him.

“Yeah. Dude’s his own person.” Argyle adds. Damn, Steve kinda forgot he was here.

Everyone is acting as if this was a normal occurrence. Steve wonders when they had the time to decide to mess with him.

“Why is this happening?” Steve asks, almost defeated. If this is how the night’s gonna go, he might as well know why he isn’t getting affection from his boyfriend.

“Well, Steve. Have you considered the possibility that we’re in love?” Nancy almost, almost breaks character right there. Her lips twitch but she manages to keep her face from smiling.

Steve gives them a blank stare. “You’re a lesbian.”

Eddie gasps and puts his hand on his chest.

“And you’re gay.” He directs to Eddie. It’s Nancy’s turn to gasp.

“I guess this isn’t gonna work.” Eddie simply shrugs. Nancy lets him go.

He stands up and settles on Steve’s lap, immediately kissing his cheek. Steve moves his hands to Eddie’s waist subconsciously.

“Hey, babe.” Eddie rests his head on the crook of Steve’s neck.

“You guys are ridiculous.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have introduced them to each other, Stevie.” Robin tells him and gives him a disapproving head shake.

“I didn’t!”

“I knew they would be a handful together.” Robin continues, ignoring him.

“Yeah, you should’ve thought about that.” Jonathan speaks for the first time in minutes, just to pile on to Steve’s distress.

“So today is gaslighting Steve day, huh.” His friends want him to suffer.

“Just play the movie.” Eddie suggests while playing with Steve’s hair. Damn it, Eddie knows it’s hard for him to stay mad when he does that.

So they watch the movie.

~

After everyone goes home, it’s just Eddie and Steve cleaning up. Steve is washing the dishes when Eddie hugs him from behind. He gives him a kiss on his cheek, then he tries to go for a kiss on the lips but Steve avoids it.

“What?” Eddie questions. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Steve disregards the question.

“Then why won’t you kiss me?” Eddie pouts, he searches for his gaze to give him his best puppy dog eyes.

“I’m washing the dishes.” Steve is aware that he’s acting like he’s angry or upset with Eddie right now. He’s not, he just figured he would get back at Eddie for earlier. He can be a little petty, sue him.

“Are you mad at me?” Eddie lets him go to rest against the counter, looking to catch Steve’s gaze.

“I don’t know. Did you do something to make me mad?” Steve’s used that phrase before, maybe it elicits a Pavlovian response in Eddie because he suddenly straightens.

Eddie seems to think it over, then he sags with what looks like relief. “Is this about the Nancy thing?”

“You tell me.”

“Baby.” Eddie drags the word, almost whining. “We were just messing around.”

Steve just nods, not giving anything away. “Sure.” He starts drying the dishes.

“You weren’t actually jealous, were you.” Eddie grabs his arm, starts shaking it. Complaining like a little kid.

“Careful, I still have to dry these.”

“Ugh. Do I have to make it up to you?” Eddie lets him go, stomps with his feet.

“Do you?” Steve finally looks at him. “I don’t know, maybe I’ll just get even.”

Eddie gulps. “Huh?”

“You heard me.”

“Please forgive me, I need attention to survive, just like Tinker Bell.” Eddie pleads.

“I don’t know…” Steve plays it up.

“What do I have to do?” They’re being dramatic, Steve knows Eddie doesn’t think this is serious. But Eddie’s known to like the theatrics.

“Maybe you need to come up with that yourself.” Steve offers. He finishes drying the dishes. He leaves them there, he’ll put them away later.

Eddie humms. He crowds Steve against the counter. “I have something in mind.” He smiles, mischievous.

Steve arches an eyebrow. “Do you?”

“Follow me.” Eddie takes his hand and leads them to the bedroom.

~

They’re cuddled up, on the bed. Satisfied and content. Sleep is almost taking over.

Before they fall asleep, Steve asks something that has him genuinely curious.

“Would you really pick Nancy, if you weren’t gay?”

Eddie groans and rolls his eyes. “Oh my god, don’t make this a thing.”

“I’m not! It’s just a question!” Steve isn’t sure what he expected, but it wasn’t any pushback.

“Go to sleep, Steve.” Eddie closes his eyes, ready to fall asleep.

“I’m just curious.” Steve tries again. Really! It’s just curiosity. Pff it’s not like he was actually jealous. That’s ridiculous.

“You’re gay too, you can answer your own question.”

“That’s different. We already tried dating once, and being repressed homosexuals wasn’t the only reason we wouldn’t work.” Steve explains.

Eddie places a kiss on his forehead. “Goodnight, baby.”

“Eddie!” He whisper-yells. Doesn’t get him an answer. He narrows his eyes at his boyfriend. “I’m watching you two.”

[steveharrington]

with the full knowledge that they probably won’t get the best endings bc the duffers don’t know what to do with their own characters, what would your ideal endings be for the st main characters? or like at least the ones you care about? like in an ideal world

this is so fun i’m gonna do as many as i can think of <3 i don’t think the duffers are gonna do a Huge time jump at the end of the series (i could b wrong) so i’m just gonna base these on like roughly anytime in the next year after s4

steve: ideally steve would not be in a romantic relationship and completely satisfied with this outcome. i’m not saying he should like Never get his little domestic dream but i think he needs some time to focus on himself instead of constantly weighing his self worth based on whether or not he’s romantically valued. i also think it would be nice if he found something that gave him fulfillment whether it be a specific job or hobby or even just like continuing to be best friends forever with robin <3

robin: i wouldn’t mind if she ended up with vickie because i genuinely like the way their relationship has been set up, but if she was single by the end too i’d be okay with that. mostly i want robin to get out of hawkins and meet other gay people and find a community where she doesn’t feel like an outsider. maybe make some weird art. and to continue being best friends forever with steve <3

nancy: i’m begging on my hands and knees for nancy to end the show single. i think she gravitates towards relationships because they feel safe to her, but she’s ultimately unsatisfied because she has goals and aspirations that don’t necessarily fit with steve/jonathan and i think she needs to just focus on herself without having to factor someone else into the equation. i think she should go to school for journalism, maybe start some kinda nonprofit, and help barb’s parents get their house back after murray SCAMMED their asses

jonathan: honestly i just want jonathan to have like….someone who acts as a consistent emotional support. doesn’t matter who it can be argyle it can be nancy in a platonic sense i just want him to be given the space to express his feelings without them always taking a backseat to someone else. i think a fun career for him would be music journalism

argyle: we don’t know shit about his personal life or his background but i just want him to be able to return to his life pre-vecna without too much trauma <3 like obv i want that for everyone but argyle especially is so happy go lucky and it would be so sad if he lost his vibes

max: god please i just want her to be happy and have peace. i want her to stay with lucas, romantically or platonically idrc i just want them to be Together in some sense and i want her to feel safe and happy that’s all i ask

lucas: same as above AND i want lucas to get to fully explore his identity with actual genuine support from his friends. i can see him going through high school trying a little bit of every club and hobby and group and i want him to just like grow into himself and have the freedom to do that <3

dustin: again happiness and safety PLEASE also idk how to explain this but i want dustin to like…lower his guard. i feel like in s1 & 2 he was much more trusting and had more faith in people vs s3 & 4 where he’s just constantly assuming that his friends are like incapable of doing anything? i know it’s just bad writing for bad jokes but i’m choosing to believe it’s his defense mechanism and his way of dealing with trauma by being like “well luckily i’m a genius and i’ll fix everything >:)” and i want him to like let go of that and be more carefree again

el: again this applies to all of them but for el especially i want her to have stability and to feel safe. i want her to get the family and home she craves so badly with joyce and hopper and jonathan and will, and i want her to get to try things out and shape an identity kinda like lucas. i want her to have a little bedroom where she can try out new hobbies and not have to worry about packing up because someone died again

mike: honestly this is the toughest for me to envision and i don’t really know why? like obv i want him to be happy feel safe etc but i can’t think of anything like Concrete for mike’s ending that i absolutely want to see. maybe just permanently reunited with his friends idk

will: i want willy b to feel comfortable and find joy in being gay and also come out to joyce <3 and maybe hopper <3 idk i want will’s story to go back to his family, the way it started, and for him to realize that he’s still very young and mike’s feelings don’t have to determine his personal happiness and i feel like the best way for him to reach this conclusion is just by knowing that his mom and brother will always have his back

erica: ugh god i want her to like finish middle school unscathed 😭 the writers ignore her feelings so much so it would be nice if for Once they let her acknowledge what she’s been through maybe via a conversation with lucas. idk why but out of all the characters i can really See erica getting therapy skdndnc like i think she’d enjoy it <3

joyce: lord idk i want joyce to somehow know with certainty that everything is Over and that she doesn’t have to be on alert anymore. that’s probably not plausible given the nature of the story and the fact that she’s naturally always going to look over her shoulder BUT i would be ecstatic if the ending somehow gave her this 100% surety that it was officially over

hopper: i just fucking want him to be el’s dad man <3 i want him to take her fishing and get her a pet cat and help her with homework at the table and do a bad job wrapping presents on her birthday like i just want him to live out the rest of his life with his #1 priority always being el <3

murray: in jail for scamming the hollands out of their house

[idy-ll-ique]

Sweet Little Love.

Pairing: Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Lil Angst

Warnings: brief mention of violence

Requested: nope

Summary: The Y/L/Ns are a well-off family in New York, and are good friends with Sam Wilson. One day Y/N is threatened by a stalker and needs a bodyguard, so Sam suggests Bucky. Bucky doesn't want to do it; the last thing he wants is to deal with a spoiled, bratty rich girl for a whole month. The only thing is, Bucky has terribly misjudged her and now he can't help falling in love with her.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! the last scene is just a small bonus crack!scene sjsjsjs lmao, enjoy!

---

If there was one type of person Bucky liked, it was someone who was kind, polite, helpful and caring… and Bucky knew the person he was going to work for was going to be none of those things. "Sam, come on, man, I don't want to do this," Bucky groaned as he followed his best friend down the street. "I already promised, Bucky."

"Why did you?! I don't want to spend my whole day around spoiled little brats, they're the worst!" Bucky threw his hands up in surrender. "Okay, number one: You have to look after only one person and number two: Why don't you just meet her once? Then you can decide for yourself, how about that?"

Bucky had been hired by one of Sam's friends, Mr Y/L/N, as a bodyguard for his daughter. He didn't know the daughter at all; but the one thing he was sure about was that she was going to be a pain in the ass for him, like in every single movie about rich girls and bodyguards. Mouthy, petty, sassy, rude…

He was in no mood to deal with someone like that.

Ms Y/L/N, he assumed, had been sent some threats over a week ago by a stalker and so the poor father was worried sick as he frantically searched for bodyguards. Sam was also informed and before he knew it, James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes was hired. To be honest, the Y/L/Ns were paying a lot so… since he had given up Avenging, the income would be great.

Plus, she only needed protection for around a month or so. Speaking of the daughter, how old was she even going to be? Maybe a child below 10? A rebellious teenager? Who knows? "Alright, stop here. She's supposed to be here somewhere, let me call Y/L/N." Bucky huffed and looked around the crowded streets as Sam contacted the father.

That's when his eyes landed on a lady. She was beautiful; wearing what looked like a tennis skirt and a university hoodie, along with sneakers. Her hair was pulled into a braid and she had a bright smile on her face. Bucky blinked twice and watched. Her body or clothes didn't catch his attention, but her actions sure did.

She was chatting with another, older woman who had coffee spilled all over her white tee. The young lady was holding a baby in her arms, bouncing the sweet child as the older woman hurriedly tried to clean her clothes. Through his super-soldier hearing, he caught their conversation. "I'm so sorry to bother you like this," the woman sighed.

"It's okay, ma'am, you are not a bother. You were clearly in need of help and you know how New York is…" Both women giggled. The older woman soon left with her child but the young lady continued standing there, looking around, as if waiting for someone. Probably a boyfriend, Bucky thought.

"Why is he not picking up?!"

Bucky rolled his eyes at Sam before looking over at the pretty lady again, who had started bouncing back and forth on her heels, glancing everywhere. That's when a loud wail echoed above the already busy street. The lady's eyes snapped towards the voice before she took off running towards a little boy who had tripped over.

The little kid was blond and scrawny, reminding Bucky of a little Steve. He smiled fondly at the memory. "Are you hurt, bubba?" Y/N asked the kid adoringly as she helped him stand. The boy's lower lip wobbled as he tried to hold his tears in but was unsuccessful. "Aw, come here…" Bucky gulped when the lady got on her knees and hugged the child.

She's so kind.

The kid hugged back just as eagerly, sobbing into her shoulder. Soon, two adults approached her; a gay couple, the parents of the kid. They, too, watched with appreciation as the lady easily calmed the kid down with her soothing presence. An involuntary smile bloomed on Bucky's face; if he was in that kid's position, he'd have stopped crying too. The lady was wonderful.

"Thank you so much, honey," one of the men grinned when the lady stood up, dusting her knees and giving the kid a smile. "Oh, it's not a problem! You know what?" She dug around in her purse and pulled out a lollipop. "I always have some on me. I'm a big fan. You?" The boy giggled and eagerly accepted the candy.

"Steve, what do you say?"

Bucky almost laughed. The kid's name was also Steve? Amazing! "Thank you!" Steve exclaimed with a bright smile, making the lady laugh. "No problem! Have a good day!" She waved at the family of three before returning to her original place, standing outside a café. Bucky was enamored at this point.

"Any luck?" he drawled, glancing at Sam who shook his head. "That dick," he grumbled under his breath and Bucky grinned, getting back to watching the pretty lady but she was nowhere to be found. He looked around until he saw her crossing the road, an old man holding her arm with one hand as the other held his walking cane.

She was on his side of the street now, just a few feet away from him. "You are an angel, darling," the old man crooned as he patted her cheek, letting go of her arm once he was safely on the other side. An angel indeed, Bucky smiled to himself. "Oh, sir, I try…" she spoke bashfully, turning in his direction as the man left.

Bucky quickly averted his gaze, he didn't want to look like a creep. "Sam? Sam, is that you? Wilson!" Bucky froze at the lady's voice, her footsteps nearing the place where he and Sam were standing. Wait, is that...? Sam looked away from his phone, eyes lighting up as they landed on the lady. "Y/N? When did you arrive?" Bucky watched as they hugged.

"Been here for a long time, dad said you were going to introduce me to my bodyguard today. He's a good friend of yours, right?" Sam turned and motioned towards Bucky. He stepped forward. "Hi, I'm James Barnes," he introduced himself, holding his hand out. He couldn't believe he had called this angel a spoiled, rich brat.

I'm never gonna forgive myself.

"James, nice to meet you! I'm Y/N Y/L/N. Thanks for doing this, I'm probably going to be a burden—" He immediately shook his head. "Oh, no no no, don't say that! I can tell we're going to be good friends." He winked and she couldn't help but giggle. Bucky didn't even correct her on the name, something about the way she said it made a shiver run down his spine.

"Well, um, do we start now, or…?"

"Your choice," he interrupted, hands shoved in the pockets of his coat as he stared at her, heart swelling with affection. "I already feel safe," she half-joked, "Start now. I have a few places to go to…" He was ready to follow her to Hell and back. "Of course." Both of them turned to Sam, who had a knowing smirk on his face.

If it were anyone else Bucky would've given him his infamous glare but Y/N? He was hoping for a connection. "You two enjoy your date— I mean, day. Anyway, what's up with your dad, girl, he's not picking up my calls." Bucky rolled his eyes at the slip up. "He's not? Maybe he's in a meeting. If you want you can go visit."

"Gonna do just that, tell him that his precious little daughter is in safe hands." Y/N looked at Bucky with a huge smile. "No doubt about that! It's getting late, I'll see you later!" Y/N started walking away and Bucky immediately followed with a nod towards Sam. "Hey, um, I saw you, you know?" he blurted out.

"Saw me? Doing what?" Y/N blinked. "You helping the lady with the child, the kid who tripped over— Steve, his name was? And the old man you helped cross the street. I just wanna say that was amazing. You're a great person, Y/N, I'm honored to be your bodyguard." She gasped softly and looked away, chewing her bottom lip as she grinned, cheeks heating up.

"Oh, um, it's just— I like to help people. It's how my parents raised me. Yeah, we might be rich but I'm not spoiled. Lots of people think that when I tell them I'm Mr Y/L/N's daughter. It hurts sometimes, you know? People just assume anything about you without even knowing you. That's why I try to be good. I don't want to be a bad person," she rushed out, unconsciously voicing all her insecurities.

Bucky's heart sank in his chest as he let out a dry chuckle. "Ugh, just saying this is gonna make me throw up but I assumed that too. I thought I was gonna work with a spoiled, rich brat. I was horribly, horribly wrong, I hope you can forgive me, doll." She turned to him, but she wasn't mad in the slightest. She even started getting a tiny crush on him, I mean, hey, the man is eye-candy. "It's fine! I forgive you, you didn't know."

"No, it's not fine. I shouldn't have made assumptions, I feel like the biggest ass in the world," he scoffed, looking away from her. "James, please, it's okay. You know now, right? Don't feel bad! Why don't we stop for a coffee on the way?" How could he say no to that?

---

2 weeks passed. Y/N and Bucky became incredibly close friends; Bucky went as far as revealing the truth about himself, how he used to be an Avenger, how he lost his arm, everything. What he didn't expect was her to cry at his story. "You did not deserve to go through that, they did you so dirty…" she sniffled and he hugged her like his life depended on it. It kinda did.

God, if he didn't fall in love the first time they met, he was definitely in love now. "Doll, I'm here now, aren't I? All good— well, maybe not all good." And his face broke into the biggest grin ever when he heard a chuckle from her. "I'm glad you're here." Just those 4 words and Bucky vowed that he was never gonna let her go.

"I'm getting coffee, you wait here. Don't go anywhere else."

"Aye aye, Captain!" Y/N laughed and he smiled back as he entered the café. Y/N stood outside, typing away on her phone when someone suddenly grabbed her by the back of her neck, pulling her into the alley next to the café. She couldn't even scream, breathing was difficult with his hand around her neck.

"We finally meet, sweetheart." Oh, God, it was him. The stalker. Y/N whimpered, struggling to get out of his arms but he only tightened his hold on her. Bucky, Bucky please— Over time, Y/N had grown fond of Bucky. He still asked her to call him James, he said it felt good when she called him that. So she did.

He was so protective of her, almost like she was his girlfriend. He was also handsome; incredibly so, with his stormy blue eyes, his tall and broad figure and razor sharp jaw. His first priority was always her and it made her warm inside. She'd decided to ask him out at the end of the month, but it was looking a bit difficult now.

"Your bodyguard not with you today? What happened, lover's quarrel?" the man smirked tauntingly as Y/N's vision blurred due to lack of oxygen. She blinked back tears, crying again when he tightened his hold on her neck. "Scream all you want, sweetheart, no one's gonna hear it," he laughed.

"Try me."

The man's head whipped to the side only for Bucky's metal fist to connect with his jaw. He fell to the ground with a thud, unconscious at the first punch. Y/N slid down to her knees. Her hands went to her neck, coughing and dry heaving. "Doll? Doll, come here." Bucky felt immense guilt as he gathered her in his arms, carrying her bridal style towards his car.

He left her alone. That was the one thing he wasn't supposed to do. "James…" Y/N wheezed, curling closer to him when he tried to put her in the backseat. "Doll, you have to get in," he insisted but she shook her head. "Not without you. Please." Bucky sighed and got into the backseat, holding Y/N against his chest.

She was pretty shaken up. "I'm so sorry, Y/N." He felt himself tearing up. "No… not your fault… you… coffee… I wasn't… phone…" Bucky handed her a bottle of water when she wheezed again. "Drink up, baby," he whispered as he held the bottle to her lips because she refused to let go of his sweater. After drinking some water her throat felt better.

"Don't go, please, I need you," she sobbed as she completely curled against him, wetting his sweater as she cried in his arms. "You will always have me, doll. I'm not going anywhere. Not again," he assured her as he rubbed her back, wiping his own tears away. All of a sudden, she pulled away and pressed her lips to his. "I love you."

He pulled her in for another kiss, fireworks exploding in his head at the confession. Only two weeks had passed but they were both sure about their feelings. "I love you too, doll. You're mine now, only mine," he groaned against her lips. "Only yours," she agreed, burying her face back in his shoulder as he pulled her impossibly close.

"You're not getting out of my sight ever again."

And he kept his promise.

---

"And then I— where do you think you're going?" Sam blinked as Bucky abruptly stood up, eyes trained on his wife. She gave him a smile and walked out of the room, Bucky following her out like a puppy. "To the bathroom, Sam!" Y/N called out behind her and Sam turned to the parents, blinking in confusion as they roared with laughter.

"Why does she need him there?" Sam asked "Oh, haven't you heard? Bucky hasn't broken the promise he gave Y/N 6 years ago," Mrs Y/L/N explained vaguely. "What promise?" Mr Y/L/N laughed once more. "He told her she was never getting out of sight after the incident. And well…" Y/N and Bucky returned at the exact time as Sam made a face.

"Don't you get tired of him?" Sam groaned as Bucky sat down, pulling his wife on his lap. "Oh no no, it helps that she's as much in love with him as he is with her. They do not get tired of each other," Mrs Y/L/N shook her head with a fond smile. "It helps that he's handsome and aesthetically pleasing to look at," Y/N crooned, squishing her husband's cheeks as he laughed and swatted her hands away.

"Even in the bathroom?!"

"He stands outside as a guard," she shrugged. "Damn. Y'all are weird," Sam muttered, barely catching the book Bucky threw towards him. "Not weird. Just looking out for her, like I promised," he muttered, cheeks flushing. "You do know that the threat was 6 years ago, right? Six!" Sam threw his hands up.

"What if there's a new one?" Bucky countered exasperatedly. Sam only shook his head at the couple before a smile broke out on his face. "I've never seen a couple so in love. You two are cute," he commented as laughter filled the room. No more threats, no more danger.

Just a sweet little family and their sweet little love.

---

A/N: Leave a like if you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!

[cooloddball]

Someone submitted something in my inbox and they wanted to remain anonymous. Since this is an extremely long essay, I will put it under the cut. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

xxx submitted: hey, i was the one who ask what do you think of Misha and Jensen's current relationship First off all thank you for your answear it means much to me cause im easy to be convice and this person who keep telling me that they are no longer friends can be so convicing, so I'm actully trying to forget what she said 😅 so I'm just writing a few. she said that since they no longer work together, they will forget about each other, and do their common things like the gay jokes, face touches ect. With other people, and neglect each other, don't talk to each other, and then meet new people who will replace the other. And and she talked about the gish thing, she said she sure they didn't talk since the end of the series, because Jensen didn't know where Misha was and Misha didn't know about the Radio Company vol 2 (but i saw people say that, they were just pretending, because Misha liked something about Radio Company Vol 2, before the gish live, so in theory he already knew then or something like that) and She said Misha wrote a poem about Darius not Jensen and now I will write down what she sent me : I saw a post about Jensen's current activities on social media, and I've come to the conclusion the only person he doesn't interact with is mish. Sadly this makes my break up theory even stronger. I feel like this is a goodbye to one of the biggest parts of my life. They've moved on from "uk what I haven't told you today? That i love u"+ from "miss my only jensen" from "i love u misha i mean it from the bottom of my heart" from "jensen has no flaws" from "misha is the funniest thing ever happened to me" from all that love and affection from everything they developed together and now they're apart leaving their lives like nothing happened and call me a dramatic but they both have the same energy now as someone has after a big break up. and Jensen comments on almost every of his friend’s post except Misha’s"+ Jenmish is genuinely the best thing that has ever happened in my entire life. I owe them literally everything. They're the reason i hold on. Unfortunately on this essay i have to start using past tense verbs for them, and i have to continue on that. I don't know for how long y'all been in spn fandom. But even if u joined one year before the show ended you'd know how close and intimate jensen and misha were. Everything about them was unmatched.+ The chemistry and how they just fit eachother. They had always been all over eachother. Like they were holding on eachother for dear life. They completed eachother and were like world's most powerful thing. They were the definition of soulmatism. No matter where, they ALWAYS kept interacting with eachother. Each possible tweet or insta post. On cons that the other wasn't there, the other one would bring up the othere's name for no absolute reason. +The looks and repeated love confessions. How invested they were both into eachother. The family they had built together cuz we know how close dee and mish are (look all the charity work they've been doing together recently). There are youtube videos to proof everything I've said so far.When i say break up, my real intention is that they've grown apart. Everything started in the the third or forth month of pandemic. Before than jensen used to interact +(comment mostly) on almost all of misha's posts. But after a while everything just stopped. At first personally didn't care that much. Bcuz I believed too much in them that I thought not even the gods above could separate them. I told myself maybe they spend long hours chatting or video calling and that's why online public interactions are gone. But as it passed it almost diminished to zero. Except some likes from jackles and eventual ones from misha there weren't anything else.+ We got absolutely no content and the show went off too. We were helpless and were sticking to everything we had Dee had a big social media shot down, so as jensen. Misha was busy with the election. We got some interviews for it with all of them. But we didn't get much.except remember both of them pulling a bff

move. and texted eachother during an online con where everyone else were dead-serious about politics? That flickered something in me. That showed me that+ they can't ever possibly let eachother go. And the times everyone else were talking and these too would just talk random things together (the one jackels had a white hat on with stacy abraham).And then Misha posted that for jensen's bday We really overlooked it. That shit was too intimate. To close. Fav march baby? U just don't go around and called ur bestie baby and when u mean it deeply. Especially not when ur friend is jensen ackles the "I suffered form internalized homophobia my whole life+ but fuck my wife's an angel and i have an angel bf too and another angel which is his wife but I'd rather die than come out cuz my asshole dad pulled a John winchester on me". It doesn't work like that. But uk how mish is. Carefree and open. I believe they got into a fight bcuz of this. He didn't even like the post. AND that was when the tiny bit of interactions we had was gone too. For a while jensen didn't even liked his posts. After a month it started again.What made me finally believe in that they had grown too+ far: I still remember the night misha posted that he and jensen were going to have a con for gish together. I remember how hard I cried. Lile the whole world was given to me. But deep down in my heart I knew that something would definitely happen. It didn't sit right with me and unfortunately my senses never lie to me. Jensen showed up at the wrong time bcuz of misunderstanding the time zones (this was HILARIOUS). That's not even my point.+ I've seen that interview 3 times so far. It always reminds me of when i saw my ex at a party and we were both so thrilled to see eachother and we still loved the other dearly, but we just couldn't work it out. Jensen and Misha's expressions were EXACTLY the same. The genuine smiles and longs pauses were they just stared at eachother. I'm so happy that it was online cuz if they actually gave that looks to eachother standing right next to the other one I would've collapsed. Misha didn't know that jensen's album+ was out. And he got so embarrassed when he found it out. He didn't know that jensen was on set and hadn't been home for 8weeks. Jensen had no idea where misha was. And this means that they hadn't talked in a long long time.When you're that close with someone for more than a decade, i mean THAT close, even if u're separated from eachother you'd at least check on the once a week, or at least once in two weeks. But it was vividly clear that they hadn't. I hate how this world works. They would always be in my heart.+ I would be thankful from them for everything. It hurts, and it won't stop and im so sure I'd be carrying this pain for a long time. They mean too much to a lot of us. Sometimes I think to myself that god i love them so much. Remember in 2019 when we used to get SO many jenmishdee interactions? That was LIT. It was THEE year for us. I hope they're doing good. I really do. I hope we don't get more proofs and I won't have to update this thread. Cuz my heart won't be taking it very+ well.Something i gotta add U may say that Jensen's busy and that's why he doesn't comment. But he comments on a lot of jared and his new costar's posts. So that's no excuse. So yeah that's it. I don't know what am I supposed to think. english isn't my native language, so sorry for the mistakes

Here is my response:

I don't know who this person who has been talking to is but I have to say they seem to be project their previous relationship experience on cockles.

I believe Jensen and Misha are okay and are together. Social media likes and comments don't mean anything. I mean it's not like Jensen or Misha used to comment on each other's posts before. Jensen didn't even wish Dee Happy Mother's Day this year, does that mean they are not together anymore? Nope. He has other best friends he has known for over 20 years like Jason Manns, Steve Carlson etc that he doesn't wish happy birthday, does that mean they are not friends anymore.

Please let's not put value on social media likes. I don't even follow my own family on sm and I don't always like or comment on my bf's or bff's posts on sm. So it doesn't mean anything.

As for the Gish Panel, I have talked about it before, the time Jensen was slotted to attend the panel, he was meant to answer fan questions. I honestly believe they decided to not do it at that time because they knew the questions would be about Destiel and not their new projects. If you watched that panel, Misha knew that Jensen's album was out as I pointed out. He was just trying to promote the album and soldier boy. He knew Jensen had also buffed out. It was all to promote Jensen. Anything else you hear is trolls and antis just being loud. Also don't forget Jensen called him "babe".

If Jensen and Misha weren't okay, he wouldn't have attended or participated all those panels Misha organized especially for Gish. Danneel also posts a lot about RA and likes Misha's posts. I am 100% Misha visited the Ackles when he went to Colorado last month.

Stop listening to trolls and/or antis or just people who are projecting and look at facts.

[spinelessdemsandwhinyrepublicans]

How can anyone believe in a benevolent god?

 08 Jun 2022 

Once again, the god side defeats their own claims.

"We had AR-15s in the 1960s. We didn't have those mass school shootings … We actually had prayer in school during those days."

— House Minority Whip Steve Scalise (R-LA) pic.twitter.com/NndUf3D5xb— The Recount (@therecount) June 8, 2022

I’m trying to figure this out. So if you don’t compel your children to pray to your god, he will send a gunman to murder them in school.

Do they even realize that that is not a benign act? That’s the logic of a tyrant and the rationalization of a fool. It’s so much easier to recognize that this cosmic villain does not exist, but that wicked people use the threat of this monster to compel others to do as they want.

Counterpoint: here’s a teacher who prayed earnestly and sincerely while the gunman god sent to remind everyone to pray killed all 11 of his 4th grade students.

EXCLUSIVE: Arnulfo Reyes, teacher wounded in Uvalde shooting, to @arobach: “I will not let these children and my coworkers die in vain. I will not. I will go to the end of the world to not let my students die in vain.” https://t.co/QVFp3mciRo pic.twitter.com/ZkcioTBQ7W                                 — ABC News (@ABC) June 7, 2022

In this world of gullible prayers, a good god would grant Arnulfo Reyes wish and send Steven Scalise to hell. I think I know how this will turn out, and we should learn that if god did exist, he’s a motherfucking Republican.

 Look at this Christian above.

A Texas-based Christian extremist preacher is calling on the government to round up “every single homosexual,” put them on trial, convict them, and put them to death by shooting them in the head, which he falsely says Jesus Christ commands.

Dillon Awes of the Stedfast Baptist Church on Sunday also falsely claimed every gay person is a pedophile, every heterosexual pedophile is a “fag,” and “sodomites” are responsible for school shootings. None of those claims are factual.

Everything is only going to get worse. - - Pharynula/Freethoght Blogs

[msmarvelwrites]

Coming Home

Summary: Loving Natasha was hard, but losing her was something you were never equipped to handle. Until she comes home.

Pairing: Natasha x reader

Warnings: fluff and feels, explicit language, smut, oral (f receiving- they’re gay bro), a little sprinkle of angst because I can’t help myself.

Word Count: 2.1K

Authors Note: For the incredible @sweeterthanthis’s request ‘Natasha + drunk sex + “believe it or not, this isn’t the weirdest place I’ve banged.”’ Thank you so much you sweet angel baby.

You watched as Steve disappeared into thin air, waiting on bated breath as seconds turned to excruciating minutes. Worry began to sizzle between your small group of friends. Finally, after what felt like hours he reappeared in a flash of white light on the tarmac. Steve took a step, a smug smile playing on his lips... And that's when you saw her.

Natalia Romanoff.

She looked like someone out of folklore, standing there with her flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes clutched to Steve’s arm as if she would topple over any moment. She glowed, you thought, as the setting sun beyond illuminated her hair.

Your heart was hammering in your chest, vision blurry as the sound of her melodic giggle melted over you. The hours you had spent longing to hear it, pretending it was ringing in your ears suddenly didn't do it justice. Like windchimes by the lake.

“Oh my god.” You managed to choke out, your hand coming to cover your mouth as tears began to well in your burning eyes.

Your feet were moving before you could stop them, body taking control as they pulled to her. To a thousand ‘what if’s’. To the woman who haunted your every thought since she had disappeared from your life. You had realised many things since you brought back the stones, one being you were completely and unchangeable in love with your best friend.

“Nat.” You hiccuped on your sobs, calling her attention to you. Her eyes softened the moment they found you, smile pulling wider across her lips as she called your name. You held your arms around your waist, terrified if you let go you’d fall apart. Horrified that this might all be another dream. That she wasn't really standing before you, whole and just as perfect as she had left you.

“Hey, sweetheart. Miss me much?” The words fell from her lips smooth like syrup.

You couldn't speak, to overcome with relief the moment her hand touched yours, pulling you hard against her body as her arms wrapped around your trembling form.

“Cause’ I missed you.”

Tony’s computer monitor was all that illuminated the lab where you had snuck off to when the party began to get out of hand. As soon as Thor brought out his Asgardian sludge you knew it was time to head out. Of course, they all had a good reason to celebrate. But the day's events finally started to sink in, your mind and body tired as relief and solace hung heavy on your heart.

You perched yourself on the windowsill looking out at the rolling hills as the sky began to favour the stars, reflecting to yourself, or so you thought. Your mind was still buzzing with unanswered questions, whirling and drifting in and out of a state of disbelief.

She’s really here, you had to keep reminding yourself. She came back.

Three faint knocks on the glass wall shook you from your thoughts, pulling you back to the dim lab. You looked up, heart hammering in your chest the moment your eyes adjusted to the light.

“Hey babe.” She called, her voice lulling a smile to your lips. You couldn't control it if you wanted to.

One of the side effects of loving Nat.

“Can I join you?”

You nodded your head, patting the empty ledge beside you as she shuffled across the room. The half empty vodka bottle in her hand sloshed a little as she walked, reminding you of just how many spirits you had indulged in that night.

“I still can’t believe you're real.” You mumbled, your eyes scanning over her face as if to memorise her beauty. You hadn't before, when she didnt come back. It was one of your greatest regrets.

“Honestly, I’m still a little foggy on how I’m here, too.” She assured you, her eyes flicking up to meet yours. “But I am. I promise.” her voice was hushed as her soft fingers came to dance along your cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I-I missed you so much, Nat. I thought I’d never see you again… I thought-”

She pulled you against her chest then, her hands running over your back as she held you tight. Her touch melted over you, lulling you calm again.

“I think you need a drink.” She chuckled as you sniffled back another sob. You nodded your head, taking the bottle from her hands and bringing it to your lips, wincing as the liquid courage danced on your tongue.

“I almost couldn't do it, ya know.” Nats words called your attention back to her, your eyes drifting to her lips as she spoke. “All my life I’ve been searching for something to fill this void… Maybe if I hadn't met Steve… Hadn’t met you, the decision would have been easy.”

You gaped at her, the confession hanging in the air.

“I wished it was me who jumped.” You finally spoke, her eyes flicking up to meet yours as sorrow flashed across her face.

“Why would you say something like that?” She snapped, her words hitting you in the gut with force.

“How could I? Nat, how could you? You left me, left all of us. You have no idea what it was like to- to…” You stumbled, alcohol clouding your judgment.

“To what?” She pressed, searching your eyes for answers as you brought the bottle to your lips again, swallowing down your pride.

“To lose my best friend. The person who was supposed to be there… I was supposed to tell you...” As soon as the words left your mouth you regretted them. The look of Nat’s face telling you everything you already knew.

“I was going to tell you… Before you left, but I figured I’d just see you in a minute… Like you said.” You sighed, the memory replaying through your mind like a broken record. It had since she left.

“What are you talking about?”

It was now or never. You knew it, and god you had waited too long already. Your heart hammered in your chest, body trembling as you met her gaze. Every fiber in your being was pulling you to her until you couldn't fight it any longer. Slowly, as if you might scare her, you reached your hand up cup the column of her throat, your thumb running softly against her jaw.

Nats eyes flicked to your lips, her body still as all the air in the lab seemed to dissipate in a breath.

“I mean look at you? God, do you have any idea how hard it is to be in the same room as you and not want to…? Shit, this isn’t how I… Okay, so what I’m trying to say is… Fuck-”

The moment her lips were on yours it was like every thought caught flame and sizzled away. You shivered against her, body searing hot against the touch as her hands held your face. You swear your heart had fallen out of your chest the moment her tongue ran across your lips, begging for more until she was climbing on top of you, hands tangled in your hair.

She growed down into you, her hips moulding with yours as you moaned into her mouth. It was all too much, your heart going into overdrive as her hands fumbled with your t shirt dress. Slowly she dragged it up and over your head, disregarding it somewhere on the floor and instantly attaching her lips to your throat.

“Fuck.” You breathed, hands holding the globes of her ass as you tried to move, overestimating your strength as your bodies toppled over onto the ground, giggles spilling from your lips.

Silence hung heavy between you as you stared at each other, both frozen and unsure of your next moves. Nat opened her mouth to speak but her words caught in her throat.

“I’m in love with you.” You choked out, the words tumbling from your drunken lips.

“I know…” It was all the confirmation you needed, crawling across the floor and pinning her down. Your lips collide with hers, aching, longing to touch her in all the places you craved.

Her tongue parted your lips, moaning ever so softly as your hands ghosted along her curves. You needed her, more than you’d ever needed somebody. Your whole body quivered under her touch, your core pooling with desire as her fingers roamed the waistband of your panties.

“You’re so beautiful.” The words echoed around your mind. “Can I taste you?” The question hung in the air as if it had to be answered. Still, you whimpered out a affirmation as her hand dipped under the fabric, fingers gliding around your sex, everywhere but the place you needed her most.

“You’re so wet, sweetheart. Is this for me?” She teased, lips crashing onto yours as your fumbled with her shirt, finally untucking it from her pants and throwing it somewhere across the room.

“Fuck, yes.” You managed to mumble out, your lip caught between your teeth as you shivered, her fingers feathering over your slick.

“Bet you taste so good, sweetheart.” She spoke, words dripping with desire. You were practically vibrating against her touch, grinding your hips against her fingers as they parted your sloppy folds. Skillfully, she circled your throbbing clit, watching you from above as you fell apart beneath her.

“That’s it, baby.” She cooed, peppering kisses down your neck, chest, stomach, until she was between your thighs. You watched her, breath caught in your throat as she slowly pulled your ruined panties down your legs, tossing them onto the floor.

“Is this okay?” The words startled you for a moment, as you looked down at her hesitating eyes. “We’re drunk and I don’t want you to think-“

“I’m not that drunk.” You interjected, delirious on her beauty.

“Me neither.” She admitted, chuckling softly to herself as she started again, running her index finger against your clit and gliding it deep inside you.

You threw your head back, soft moans falling from your lips as she pumped into you at an agonizing pace.

“Please, Nat.” You begged, desperate for her mouth. “I need you.”

As if the words commanded her, she sunk down, bringing her mouth to your glistening cunt and dipping her tongue into your plump folds. A hushed scream fell from your mouth, careful not to call attention to the activities taking place in Tony’s lab. But as her warm tongue lapped against your throbbing clit, you were shattered. Broken moans laced with profanity and pleasure tumbled from your lips as she sucked on your pussy, lapping at you as you melted into her mouth.

“Just like that.” You uttered, the coil in your belly beginning to tighter as she fucked into you, the vulgar squelching sounds filling the room around you. You were so close, getting off on the mere imagine of Natasha between your thighs.

“Cum for me, y/n. Let me taste it. I want to swallow every drop.” The words were your final demise, your body shaking as the impending orgasm ripped through you, so built up you squirted into her mouth and down her chin. Evidence of your euphoria dripping onto the floor in a puddle beneath you.

“Look at you,” she panted- face slick with your juices as she licked her lips. You physically shuddered at the sight. “You’ve made such a mess. Somebody better clean-“

“You have made a mess, would you like me to assist you?” FRIDAY’S voice echoed through the room, startled you both apart as you scrambled for an item of clothing to cover yourself.

“N-no!” You stuttered out, horrified as if the A.I were watching you.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to get you a mop? Would you like me to notify Mr. Stark?”

“NO!” You both screamed at once. Nat looked just as horrified as you, hand slapped over her mouth as she desperately tried to hold back her laugher.

“Ohmyfuckinggod.” You breathed out, head in your lap as Nat wonder around the room collecting your abandoned clothing.

“I can’t believe an Alexa just cock blocked me” you shook your head, causing her to fall on the floor laughing.

“I don’t think she likes it when you call her that.” She warned as you rolled your eyes, a smile full of content playing on your lips.

“Wanna know somethin?” she started tossing your clothes in your lap as you shrugged on the crumbled fabric, “Believe you it or not, this isn’t the weirdest place I’ve banged.”

You lost it at that, head falling back as you tried to catch your breath. Natasha sank down onto her knees, her hands coming to cup your face.

“I’m so glad you’re back.” You whispered against her lips.

“Can’t get rid of me that easy, babe.”

TAGLIST:

@starlightcrystalline @kalesrebellion @projectcampbell @calwitch @sycochick @sassy-pelican @mollygetssherlockcoffee @amateuratheart @officialmarvelbabyn @a-really-bi-girl @fairislesheets @lookiamtrying @savior-adriana @thefallenbibliophilequote @sillygamingartghost @cutie1365 @sweeterthanthis @drabblewithfrannybarnes @navybrat817 @angrythingstarlight @whateveriwant

[pear-pies]

Placebo in Rock & Folk magazine - April 2003

Words by Jerome Soligny, photos by Carole Epinette

Wonky translation under the cut:

These three did it all. Shot with the QOTSAs and posed with Indo. They survived "Velvet Goldmine" and the Top Bab. They come back after the ordeal of the fourth album. Danger interview: “Jerome, what if you came out?” They ask our charming reporter.

"We do not regret anything"

Everything begins again with "Bulletproof Cupid", a punky instrument that pulls everything off. Then "English Summer Rein", mechanico-depressive spinning punctuated by twisted keyboards, and "Sleeping With Ghosts", the lament which advances while blistering during cooking, confirm the tone. Against all expectations, because you never know how will age the groups that the previous album installed at the Top, Placebo took over. And stuffed it in an iron glove. Further on, "The Bitter End" tumbles through yapping guitars which would stick to the hatches the thickest of the sailors. Be careful, Placebo is on the way out of being one. At the end of the record, Brian Molko, Stefan Olsdal and Steve Hewitt do not even run out of steam. The cows. They drop a "Centerfolds" which frolic like a cynical top under a shower of saving doubts. What augur still other perspectives.

The fourth album: a horror for all who have faced it. Often a stupid trap. Returning from the Gothic directly inherited from the glam of pageantry and from these hasty and harmful certainties which congest the face and the veins, Placebo publishes its first real great disc. Oh, not the marvel of wonders, not the album from the third millennium, but something very strong, compact, tenacious in listening, which proves that the future is indeed there, in front, where the light is most blinding. Calfeucée in their Parisian hotel (the Costes, of course), our three lads do not make the blow of the revelation, of the luminous questioning. Simply, they now think with their heads, a good plan most often Likewise, reality no longer frightens them, and it is probably she who is hiding behind this "Sleeping With Ghosts" which relates the sorrows only for the better. melt into hopes At the moment when rock brings us back to life and when we just want to ask them everything, the Placebo have decided to say everything. Not even in a hurry, they settle down on the couch, ready to talk like never before. Despite new batteries embedded in the carcass, the Panasonic barely a Brian Molko: Hey Jerome, you came to talk to us this time when you had not come to the previous album ...

Rock & Folk: Uh yes but I was there for the first two, that says a lot, right?

Brian Molko: Certainly, I also believe that over time, we finally appreciate the true nature of the problem: we were mainly criticized for the sound of the previous album, which I can understand but, paradoxically, it is the one that brought us to the Top.

R&F: Legitimately, we have the right to expect a lot from the people we love: while "Black Market Music" sounded a bit like a sequel, this new record is all about a renaissance.

Brian Molko: Actually, we were finally able to live a little. After having existed in a small bubble for a very long time, we forced ourselves to take an eight-month break. The album-tour rhythm put us on the sidelines: we no longer had normal contact with anything. We were losing ourselves. We have fully lived the old cliché which claims that we spend the first years of our life writing a first record and six months on the second. It turned out to be very true. We had to get back to the situation of the first album, see friends, go shopping, look at the buildings in our city.

R&F: So the freshness would come from there ...

Brian Molko: Yes, and it was essential spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Steve Hewitt: We had to be in tune with reality again.

Brian Molko: In fact, we find ourselves in a bit of the same state of mind as when we released "Without You I'm Nothing", although "Sleeping With Ghosts" is a lot less gloomy. The heroin has since stopped leaking. In fact, I feel like I've pulled myself out of what I consider my second teenage years, between twenty and thirty. I conquered the self-destruction, exorcised some demons, understood what had happened to me. I held on to what I had learned. As a human being, I am now able to continue living, to try to answer the big questions posed by existence.

R&F: Maybe that's why the melodies are needed this time. It took me four records to get a favorite Placebo track.

The whole group in chorus: Which one?

R&F: "Protect Me From What I Want", of course ...

Brian Molko: The most paradoxical is that this song dates from the end of the "Black Market Music" sessions. I was not married at the time, but I was trying to get out of a particularly vicious divorce.just started. Then we wait for the lyrics, which don't arrive, it's rather intriguing. We especially wanted to avoid the big Rican producer side, we needed someone who shakes us up a bit. Jim could do that because he comes from dance and his pedigree is impressive. We have all his records at home, Bjôrk, Massive Attack, Sneaker Pimps and especially DJ Shadow. It is believed that guitar rock can only evolve by incorporating new genres, this is the only way to remain a modern rock band. At home, we practically only listen to hip hop.

R&F: Still, he didn't betray you.

Brian Molko: No because he actually brought out our rock side, which I'm particularly proud of. In fact, because we always wanted to control everything, it was not easy to be forced, to do certain things backwards, to walk on the head. But in truth, that's what we wanted: yes, there was some tension in the studio but we all took advantage of it. The challenge is necessary and it is also valid for the public. We opened up and rediscovered ourselves.

Stefan Olsdal (emerging from his chair): We found ourselves in front of the mirror, at the foot of the wall: someone had to kick our ass.

Brian Molko: Jim was like, "Why are you doing this?" We would answer him: "Because we always do it like that!" He would say: "All the more reason not to do it."

Stefan Olsdal: On the first day, he messed up all the demos, changed the tones, the tempos ...

R&F: Like Brian Eno ...

Steve Hewitt: Yeah, but with a lot more compassion. Eno is a bit (silence) ... We don't really like being told our actions, but at the same time, we are still young, still absorbing. Jim knew how to preserve us while making a modern sound.

R&F: Modern and rock'n'roll at the same time, a characteristic which does not necessarily apply to all the young groups in The which recycle the past gently but are convinced to have found the virus of the AIDS.

Steve Hewitt: Placebo doesn't belong to any current, has nothing to do with fashion.

R&F: You always pose as outsiders.

Brian Molko: It's the only way to survive.

Steve Hewitt: These bands, like The Strokes, play the nostalgia card.

Stefan Olsdal: And what happens next? I would not like to be in their place.

Brian Molko: If you want good New York pop, you better listen to Blondie.

R&F: In 2003, 11 seems that you have abandoned all the androgynous paraphernalia, sexual ambiguity, glam references ...

Brian Molko: I think today everyone knows what there is to know. Our sexual inclinations haven't changed, and we still wear makeup. It is just more expensive and better applied. We are ourselves, in our music and in private. I went through my travelo period (in French in the interview - Editor's note), and I understood that being androgynous was not wearing skirts. It is a way of being on the spiritual plane. It is not an image but a state of mind.

Steve Hewitt: It's like being punk, it's an attitude.

Brian Molko: At the same time, I don't regret any of my eccentricities. I grew up in the spotlight and it all kind of makes me smile.

Stefan Olsdal: People still talk to us about certain outfits or positions, as if it still shocks them.

R&F: Yes, and particularly in France, a particularly homophobic country which bumps heartily on gay artists.

Brian Molko: And you, coincidentally, you still hang out with.

Stefan Olsdal: Jérôme, it's coming out time (laughs) ...

Brian Molko: All that has to change, that all of France becomes gay (laughs)!

R&F: "Protect Me From What I Want" precisely, here is a title heavy with meaning. What was the idea behind this song?

Brian Molko: For me, it's a study of the pathological need people have to copulate, the search for meaning in copulation. As if bachelors or monogamists were aliens. As if we were only one when we were two. The song is about the fact that one relationship has destroyed me but I can't help but look for another ... why do I keep coming back to this?

R&F: Wow, we're bathing in philosophy here!

Brian Molko: Yes and it's the same elsewhere in the record: in "Plasticine", I insist on the fact that you have to be yourself above all while asking myself all these questions. Why do we have to do a lot of forbidden things, bad or harmful?

R&F: It's therapy in public.

Brian Molko: At least I find some balance in it. These are not songs about compassion or self-pity. They came out like this because it was vital for me. I am in this privileged situation where I can express myself and the world hears me. Otherwise, I would be really frustrated and I would have suffered a lot more in the last fifteen years.

R&F: Music saved your life.

Brian Molko: Sure.

Steve Hewitt: Everyone: I think we can say that. Without Placebo, we would not be not even alive.

Brian Molko: Spitting it all out is not necessarily the right solution. There are things with which to live. In fact, I've always been afraid to go see a psychiatrist ...

R&F: Yet, listening to you speak earlier, you could have the feeling that Jim Abiss acted a bit like a shrink with you.

Brian Molko: That's right. You could say that.

R&F: At a time when Bush and Blair want to play World War III, what attitude do you adopt? What do you think of these Englishmen who left for Iraq to constitute a human shield?

Brian Molko: Let's say we stand together. We participated in the March for Peace on February 14th with Damon Albarn and 3D from Massive Attack. We were also surprised that so few groups mobilized, which increased our desire to participate tenfold.

R&F: Do you consider that it is the role of the artist to give voice in such circumstances?

Steve Hewitt: Yes, in the sense that we can help with general motivation.

Brian Molko: I'm very interested in seeing if Blair is going to let Bush bomb Iraq with the British present on the soil of the country. If he ever allows that, the consequences will be dire.

R&F: It will only be one more religious war, in the name of oil and money ...

Brian Molko: It seems absurd that we can still fight for that. And curiously, nobody speaks more, or almost, of Bin Laden. Wouldn't it all come from him, by chance, as a huge consequence of September 11? On the other hand, we have such a feeling that Bush wants to finish the job that daddy started. Its image is so bad that it needs at least one war to restore its image.

Steve Hewitt: And reinvigorate its dying economy.

R&F: The method is lamentable, deceitful. Like those employed by the recording industry which claims to be doing well by selling pop in damaged boxes to ignoramuses.

Brian Molko: The ability of this job to ingest people, bribe them and then spit them out is impressive. This is what happened here at Canal +.R&F: Business is the beast.

Brian Molko: All these pre-made artists are young and naff ...

Steve Hewitt: They'll all end up in a labor camp for ex-pop stars.

R&F: Warhol was talking about fifteen minute glory, we're brutally passed to fifteen seconds.

Brian Molko: We should have called them Karaoke idols from the start.

Steve Hewitt: And it only works because of the TV ...

R&F: Who washes the poor, helpless brains.

Steve Hewitt: You can tell how much people want to think less

R&F: And spend less. For many, music should be free: one in five thirteen-year-olds doesn't know that a disc doesn't have to be a computer-burnt puck. Some are flabbergasted when they see a cover for the first time.

Stefan Olsdal: And those who don't buy records put pressure on those who have them to pass them on at all costs, just long enough to copy them.

R&F: Exactly.

Brian Molko: That's why we blame Robbie Williams so much. Scooping 80 million pounds off EMI and then declaring that pirating music is a fantastic thing just makes him want to stick a chunk in his face.

R&F .: And then piracy is not a matter of environment. It's not a suburban thing. There are rich kids who find it normal to burn 80 CDs during their weekend and sometimes sell them to their friends ...

Brian Molko: What do these people believe? That we are there, the face in the stream with a syringe stuck in the arm singing "La Vie En Rose"? And who will pay for our children's school? Not them, anyway. Our mentality is quite different: we always want to buy records from people we love, from our friends. Personally, we are partly out of the woods, but it will be particularly difficult for new groups to make a living from music in five or ten years.

R&F: Come on, we're not going to leave each other on this, a little humor won't hurt anyone. If you were to be banned from any of these three things, which would you choose: making music, making money or making love?

Steve Hewitt (almost tit for tat): I would stop making money, without hesitation. It's because I love music and sex too much. And then, well, you have to choose.

Brian Molko (completely overwhelmed): Oh damn, that's not true. What a dilemma!

R&F: No Brian, that doesn't count, make an effort (laughs).

Brian Molko: Ah, I don't know. And then if. I would stop making money and get on well with someone super rich.

R&F: Or you would be pimp ...

Brian Molko: Yes, that's it. Good plan.

Stefan Olsdal: Stop making love does not mean to stop loving ...

Brian Molko (preparing his shot): And we can always masturbate (general laughter).

Stefan Olsdal: OK then, I would stop making love.

R&F: Okay, it will be written in black and white for all eternity.

Brian Molko: Will we live long enough to regret it? This is the real question.

*COLLECTED BY JEROME SOLIGNY

[Inset, Trash Palace]

Already present on the first album by Trash Palace which he had adorned with his presence one unhealthy recovery of "I Love You, Me No More "in duet with Asia Argento, Brian Molko is coming to re-stack. This time he cosigns directly "The Metric System " with Dimitri Trash Palace Tikovoi, an electro saw boosted to bleeps fundamentals available in two remix and its clip on an enhanced single recently published at Discograph. The result is particularly (d) amazing and sounds good logical, like of Placebo cyber.Placebo in  Rock & Folk magazine - April 2003

[5uptic]

crewfu: fanfic spotlight :)

Angel of Life, Bringer of Death by woofles1990 (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 377 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Steve and Dk just wanted to explore a dungeon. That's all they wanted! A certain angel clearly had other plans.

flashover by Anonymous (Apollo & 5up, teen rating, gen | 853 words)

Summary: n. the moment a conversation becomes real and alive, which occurs when a spark of trust shorts out the delicate circuits you keep insulated under layers of irony, momentarily grounding the static emotional charge you've built up through decades of friction with the world. OR: it's pretty stupid to sleep on the tiles of a subway station, even though you are well aware you have a home. It's also quite embarrassing to have a friend pick you up from there.

Sparks Fly by Rocketro (5up/Fundy, gen rating, m/m | 863 words)

Summary: 5up and Fundy watch fireworks together.

you're holding back (shut up and dance with me) by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: 5up and steve dance.

what happens in Vegas by aphilologicalbatman (Apollo/Steve, explicit rating, m/m | 1.4k words)

Summary: "I'm pretty sure this is a bad idea, Steve." "Nah, this is a great idea, dude." (Or: the one where they hook up in Vegas.)

quiet when i'm coming home by homeward_bound (5up/Hafu/David, teen rating, gen & multi | 1.4k words)

Summary: 5up comes home from LA.

i could peel it for you by sweetlikesugr (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: One appletini at a time, 5up ponders about oranges, buttons and celestial bodies.

from blossoms by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: “O, to take what we love inside, to carry within us an orchard, to eat not only the skin, but the shade, not only the sugar, but the days, to hold the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into the round jubilance of peach. There are days we live as if death were nowhere in the background; from joy to joy to joy, from wing to wing, from blossom to blossom to impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom.” -Li-Young Lee, From Blossoms

you think that i'm foolish now by amsves (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: “Is everything okay?” That’s a stupid question and Steve knows it. If everything was okay, Five wouldn’t be randomly appearing at his hotel room at—Steve checks his phone—2:37 in the morning. Their group had split up for the night a few hours ago, uncharacteristically early for them, but Five had had plans to talk to—

Like you wouldn't notice by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: Apollo is having feelings, so he pushes them down and hopes Steve doesn't notice. Avoiding Steve was never going to end well. "From that moment on, Apollo becomes hyper-aware of all things Steve. The way his long leg touches his, hip-to-knee, in the bar booth when they're drinking overpriced cocktails."

Vegas Lights by amethystvxidwalker (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.3k words)

Summary: “You were planning on actually swimming with me, right?” Steve faced him, brown eyes and dopey grin almost making Five swoon. He forced himself to focus on Steve’s face rather than the black ink above his hip, small, blocky text that read ‘SUGR?’ because of course it did.

ice-cream-covered screaming hyperactive thought by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: Apollo isn’t sure when, exactly, he fell in love with Steve. Maybe, just maybe, he thinks, he never really fell. Maybe, he’s been falling. He’s still falling.

u spilled orange on u by SmearedWords (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.1k words)

Summary: Five times Dumbdog thinks Steve is illegally attractive and the one time he tries to admit that to him. Keyword: tries.

My love is the evening breeze touching your skin by tumtummeke (Apollo & Steve, general rating, gen | 5.2k words)

Summary: Steve's love language is physical touch. Dumbdog's is... not that. A day at the beach with Steve and Dumbdog (and background crewfu), told in five touches.

be like the love that discovered sin by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 5.6k words)

Summary: It’s annoying because Apollo even left for work a whole hour early today, which should be enough time to get to his shitty office job like everyone else on the train, but unlike everyone else, Apollo also has a second job. Which leads to the last reason why Apollo is having a bad day: being pinned under an overturned car while a villain monologues at him. Well, that last reason isn’t really part of Apollo’s bad day, but sue him if he wants to include the misfortunes of his hero identity Dumbdog while listing the reasons for his bad mood. “I don’t have time for this, Suptic,” Apollo grits out, interrupting the villain’s monologue.

friends in this town by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 6.1k words)

Summary: Five only realizes he’s bitten his nails down to the quick when the sting of pain catches up to him. He’s probably overthinking. He just needs to talk to Hafu. That’s all. ...He doesn’t want to. He’s worried he will only hear an answer he’ll hate. Out back, putting off talking to his sister really gives Five a sense of deja vu. All he needs to complete the feeling is Steve. “You need to relax, man.” Speak of the devil.

this party's just another haunted house by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 7.7k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: On December 31st, Apollo wakes up in his hotel in Vegas. The problem is, it's always December 31st.

call me by your name (i don't know that's pretty gay) by Qupid (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 10k words)

Summary: “Oh!” The human suddenly exclaimed, “You probably want my name!” Five had no interest in holding the power of a name over a human, it always seemed more trouble than it was worth, “Not particu-” “I’m Steve! It’s a pleasure to meet someone as cute as you.” The human, Steve, interrupted before 5up could finish. 5up’s eyes widened as he felt the power of gaining a name rush through him.  It was intoxicating and he could see why some fae would frequently come to the human realm just to trick humans into giving up their names. Five hadn’t needed to trick Steve, the man had given up his name freely and Five couldn’t believe how goddamn stupid he was to do it. “Ohhhh my god you’re an idiot.”

you'll hear me howling outside your door by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 22.2k words)

Summary: Something warm blew against Steve’s face and, distantly, he heard a high pitched whine. A nudge, and when Steve ignored it, a more insistent push had him opening his eyes to the face of a wolf mere inches from his own. Steve laughed. How delightful!  He was hallucinating animals now. The wolf’s fur looked bright to him, but even with as dark as it was Steve could tell it wasn’t white. Maybe it was more of a sandy color. Not that it mattered when all Steve could focus on was its piercing gaze and how its eyes seemed to bore into his soul. The wolf whined again and nudged Steve in the shoulder with its nose, making the man rear back when he realized that this might actually be a real wolf and not a hallucination at all.

kinda good for my love by sweetlikesugr (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 44.7k words, chaptered)

Summary: 5up can’t really recall the exact moment when dares became his and Steve’s thing and he is not sure if he even wants to try - after all, why would you mess with something that feels so natural, that feels so right? Why not just let it take its course and see where it might lead them?

Also: mangoedges‘s 5up the human impostor collection!

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s)], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k], [added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji… you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed.

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

[tasloveskk]

Some folklore thoughts 💭🌲✨🏳️‍🌈 

Part 1

 I’m going to take it song by song while also tracking key themes in red! Please also feel free to add in your thoughts in the comments, I’m curious to see what else people think folklore is about...

folklore

‘folklore’ is defined as “a body of popular myths or beliefs relating to a particular place, activity, or group of people.” or, by Steve from Taylor’s IC,”the traditional beliefs, customs, and stories of a community, passed through the generations by word of mouth.” Taylor herself in her introduction/prologue says  “A tale that becomes folklore is one that is passed down and whispered around. Sometimes even sung about. The lines between fantasy and reality blur and the boundaries between truth and fiction become almost indiscernible. Speculation, over time, becomes fact. Myths, ghost stories, and fables. Fairytales and parables. Gossip and legend. Someone’s secrets written in the sky for all to behold.”

the 1

- firstly, it’s the best opening track she���s ever had! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

- “I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit” = sounds to me like a conversation you have with an ex, like someone is saying “yeah I’m doing great, I’m dating/doing ‘x’” the first time they run into their ex in a while.

-“I thought I saw you at the bus stop” has BIG “this city screams your name” energy but is also very clever by Taylor because Miss Karlie Kloss is ALWAYS on advertisements on bus stops/literal buses around the globe 🚌

- “I hit the Sunday matinee” to me seems like an inside thing, because obviously as the world biggest pop star, if taylor is going to go to the theatre or cinema, she’ll pick the least busy and most filled with older people which would be the Sunday matinee.

- “you know the greatest films of all time were never made” —> the greatest love stories never get told? happen behind the scenes? There’s something deeper here but I’m still forming the cohesive idea!

- “if you wanted me you really should’ve showed” = showed up or showed for the world, either way Taylor wanted KK to chose her not Josh so they could work but that didn’t happen so now she’s left to wonder.

- “roaring twenties” evokes two clear images for me! 1. They were both in their 20s for the entiretyof their relationship, the best years were spent together and 2. The Roaring 20s were a time of independence, pushing boundaries and breaking the rules of prohibition - which is basically what Taylor and Karlie were doing behind the scenes.

- “if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you” = let’s say, ONLY FOR ARGUMENTS SAKE, that Taylor really IS with Toe, that still means that this song is her yearning for someone else who she always loves more AND had to lose at some point. Looking at her past beards “relationships”, there are only two plausible options - Joe (which seems unlikely seeing as they’re still “together”) or CH who she supposedly wrote “you would’ve been the one if you were a better man” about. Either way doesn’t seem like it fits. However, if you look at it as Karlie is the 1, it becomes clear - it would’ve been fun being best friends and lovers for ever baking cookies and dancing around the kitchen, it would’ve been forever if Karlie hadn’t “married” jerk, it would’ve been her and it still is. 💗

- “in my defense I have none, for never leaving well enough alone” & “I know that I went psycho on the phone, I never leave well enough alone” are about the same moment with the same person = she didn’t leave well enough alone because she kept writing about Karlie and re-engaging us Kaylors as well as I’m sure, she kept up with seeing Karlie or keeping tabs on her to the point where it forced someone to reach out to the other.... she can’t apologise or defend her actions because you can’t explain the things you do for true love.

- “I have this dream you’re doing cool shit” aka starting a podcast, expanding businesses, making headway as an entrepreneur and being a highly-paid and respected international model? Seems straight forward 👀

- “you meet some woman on the Internet and take her home” = 1. Karlie is specifically interested in tech and the internet, it is literally her entire business and 2. if Karlie and Tay did break up, then because Karlie is actually NOT married to Josh, she hooked up with someone she met through the internet somehow (probs social media not an app) and Taylor found out this is probably a snarky comment about that from a jealous ex. Could possibly also be about the dream mentioned above. 💔🔐

- “another day waking up alone” = lost her lover, sleeps alone? Bold claim on opening tack.

- “persist and resist” = very famous feminist saying, civil rights/political echo?

- “the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different, would everything be different today” = this what if mentality continues through the album but personally, I think this is about Kissgate.

- “Rosé flowing with your chosen family” = repeats later, your chosen family could refer to Karlie’s group of friends like Derek and Jourdan etc.

- “would’ve been sweet if it could’ve been me” = flipped perspective, wishes Karlie chose her.

- “dragging up the grave another time” = firstly, THAT pin on her EW jacket now makes more sense. second, Taylor has written about Karlie for 4 straight albums now, she hasn’t let their love story die even if they did.

-

cardigan

- “brand new phone” = this is not some story, this is current reality. Taylor hides behind era-specific language and imagery in some other songs but this one is clearly about here and now, and her.

- “sensual politics” to me stands out because only really here and in TLGAD is politics explicitly mentioned and sensual politics to me screams sleeping with someone for political gain or with political connections which certainly sounds like someone...

- “when you’re young, they assume you know nothing” = sounds to me like a lot like a) love story and b) “you don’t know you’re gay, it’s just a PHASE! you’ll grow out of it!” 🏳️‍🌈

- “chase 2 girls, lose the one” = supposedly, when KK and TS met, Taylor was still in love/entangled with Dianna so perhaps she’s reflecting on making the wrong choice?

- CIWYW links: my baby’s high above the whole scene—> heartbeat on the high line, tidbit:as is clear in both Lover & 1989 New York is a sacred place for TS and KK’s love story, the high line is a) a beautiful NYC icon and b) right in between the girls’ two places...

- as mentioned, miss Karlie ELIZABETH Kloss was the brand model for Levi’s and definitely has worn some sequins and black lipstick on cobblestones sooooo.... 🤷🏼‍♀️

- “you drew stars around my scars” = see Drake’s birthday party and the infamous third Polaroid mystery 👀

- “stepping on the last train” could mean one of two things to me; 1. The last resort for KK was marrying J*sh or 2. the last train could represent some goodbye the girls had where KK chose something/someone else over Taylor.

- “peter losing Wendy” is such an interesting metaphor on so many levels but specifically, Wendy loses Peter because she wakes up (from nearly dying but nvm) and grows up and stops believing in Neverland and magic, basically Wendy loses an attachment to Peter because her reality shifts and that’s what gets remembered especially in the Disney version of the story. HOWEVER, the opposite is also true meaning Peter Pan loses Wendy because he can never co-exist with her again, he can never grow up or bring her back to Neverland without either killing her or ruining her. So this idea that someone wanted to change the ending from peter losing Wendy because he had to do what was best for her because he loved her echoes as Karlie didn’t want to marry Jerk or hurt Taylor but had to in order to protect her. Right? 😅

- “leaving like a father, running like water” = Taylor’s parents got divorced and there’s SOME thoughts Scott left the house and Taylor lives with her Mom in Nashville in her teen years.

- “I knew everything when I was young” - Taylor has always know she was LGBT+ 🌈 and also, baby VSFS vibes because as we all know, “we were both young when I first saw you...” send tweet.

- “I knew you’d come back to me” hopefully, HOPEFULLY foreshadows the girls being together/coming out soon !!!!!!! 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

- music video wise, I’ll do a break down soon.

TLGAD

- ‘Rebekkah’ refers to the previous owner of Taylor’s Watch Hill, RI house, Rebekah Harkness. She was a divorcee until marrying Standard Oil heir William (aka Bill) Hale Harkness, a new-money dynasty was formed in this time from their profit. There are MANY wild, whimsical stories about ‘Betty’ (which is obviously an extended metaphor of folklore)  that this song tries to re-create/recapture.  

- Taylor is also known as ‘Becky’ due to the popular meme so this is quite literally a play on her own character as well as the previous inhabitants of the house.

- St Louis is not only Rebekkah’s hometown, but also Karlie Elizabeth Kloss’. 

- “the wedding was charming, if a little gouche” seems like a direct shot fired at Karlie’s woodsy photoshoot of 2018 😂😂(ironically, folklore’s key aesthetic is the woods!!)

- “it must’ve been her fault his heart gave out” refers explicitly to William dying of a heart attack in the house, but subtly I feel like this is a dig at the media who constantly blame women for things they cannot control, as they have done with Taylor too many times to even count. 

- “who knows if she never showed up, what could’ve been” seems like Taylor is stuck thinking about what may have happened for her and Karlie if things had been different, see the 1. 

- “she/I had a marvellous time ruining everything” is such an incredibly provoking lyric on two fronts, 1. obviously taylor buying her RI house had a massive impact on an otherwise sleepy holiday town that is now more famous for Taylor’s july 4 parties than anything else and 2. seems introspective or personal, as if the things that ruined everything for Karlie and Taylor were the best and most marvellous parts of their relationship (big sur, kissgate etc.) 

- “flew in all her bitch pack friends from the city” is not only about the friends and celebs Rebekkah was notorious for hosting but also Taylor’s ‘bitches and model’ girl gang circa 2015 which includes one Karlie Kloss. 

- “blew through the money on the boys and the ballet” refers to Rebekkah’s love of wasting her fortune on things, including a ballet company that went under not long after she created it BUT also refers to Taylor paying so many boys to be her beards and PR stunts whilst also spending her money on a certain ex-Ballerina. Also remember her AMA’s performance of Lover/ bts of Shake It Off? 😉😉😉

- “50 years is a long time” - 50 seems deliberate, a bit of a reach but note it WAS the 50th anniversary of Stonewall last year. 🏳️‍🌈

-  “free of women with madness, their men and bad habits and THEN IT WAS BOUGHT BY ME.” - this clearly shows that ALL the songs are being narrated by Taylor, some of the lyrics are about her, some are about these fictional or fantastical characters she’s created but there is her truth behind all of them too. 

- “the loudest woman this town has ever seen” = Taylor is undoubtedly the most famous woman in the town who regualrly causes uproar there (see the Sea Wall debacle and the Taylor Swift Tax)

- in all, the two famed women owner’s of Holiday House have many overlaps and are forever intertwined. 

exile

- “i can see you standing honey with his arms around your body” as the opening line is LOUD. to me, feels like this is about ALL those staged photos of Josh and Karlie uncomfortable/fake as hell on social media. 

- “laughing but the joke’s not funny at all” is something we’ve all thought about Karlie’s marriage before and is about that moment where if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry at the situation. 

- “it took you 5 whole minutes to pack up ... holding all this love out here in the hall” to me is about someone moving out of a shared home, like Karlie from Taylor’s NYC apartment, after a break up or fight. We know it is MORE than likely that the girls’ broke up, for a while or for good, in 2017/18. 

- “I think I’ve seen this film before, and didn’t like the ending” is a lot like “Cause cruelty wins in the movies, I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you” / “All of my heroes die all alone.” which makes me truly believe that delicate > the archer > exile are all the progression of the same love story.  ❤️

- “now I’m in exile seeing you out” = both of them have lost their home, exiled from the relationship.

- “I can see you staring honey, like he’s just your understudy” has a lot to unpack. Firstly, see this photo. Second, as a beard, Joe is quite literally Karlie’s understudy - stepping in only to fill a public void or play her part when she can’t. 

- “like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me” is basically this tweet

- “second, third and hundredth chances” - hopefully this means the girls WILL be together again soon!!! 

- “those eyes add insult to injury” - Taylor has often made explcit reference to her lover’s eyes, but this could also mean the eyes of the public on her every move and relationship not allowing her to properly grapple with break ups. 👁️

-  “i’m not your problem anymore, so who am i offending?” - homophobes love to say wlw or mlm relationships “offend” them or their beliefs, so who could taylor be offending if she’s publicly in a straight relationship? 

- “you were my crown”, Taylor was/is Karlie’s princess, if Karlie is gone, Taylor doesn’t feel like she’s a princess anymore. Likewise, Karlie is Taylor’s sunshine which makes the moody, misty, dark aesthetics all the more relevant to this album. 

- “so I’m leaving out the side door’ - this side door? the other side of the door?

- “all of this time, we always walked a very thin line” between outing themselves and being happy? 

- “I gave so many signs” - Taylor has queercoded EVERY album since her self-titled, she has been dropping hints and signs for years that she is LGBT+ so it must be exhausting to have to keep hiding who she loves. This is repeated so many times - it means a lot. 

- written with William Bowery who nobody can quite identify, but Karlie and Taylor have been to the Bowery many times together and William is mentioned earlier in TLGAD

- this whole song is a duet, a two-sided conversation between lovers - her and karlie both without each other. 

my tears ricochet

- Track 5 is, as per usual, deeply confessional, personal, emotive and moving. 😿😿

- there are lots of theories and layers to this masterpiece of a song, including that it’s in reference to big machine. I personally think every single song of Taylor’s is made up of layers that reflect multiple things in her life and experience so plausibly it can be about multiple things all at once including Sco** and Scumbag as well as Karlie, who was under Scumbag’s management for the majority of the decade. Another theory which with every new listen I think is more and more possible is that this is alternating between Taylor and Karlie’s perspectives. 

- ‘if i’m on fire, you’ll be made of ashes too” whoever is associated with Taylor will ALWAYS be dragged down with her. If she’s being attacked, they will be too. Big 2016 energy. 

- “even on my worst day, did I deserve babe, all the hell you gave me?” could be directed at a lover, or at Big Machine, or even the public for all the shit they’ve said about Taylor over the years. 

- “I swear I loved you ‘till my dying day” seems a lot like the 1, as well as could be about the music and the label she helped build. 

- “I didn’t have it within myself to go with grace.” Taylor was LOUD about her split from Big Machine, she called them out (rightly) and made noise which is not a ‘graceful’ split. 

- “you’re the hero flying around saving face” very easily is about S+S jackasses but deeper than that, while Taylor was under immense attack and criticism, everyone who actually like her music pretended suddenly to hate it and her to stay ‘cool’ 

- “cause if I’m dead to you why are you at the wake?” this lyric becomes especially important in the final verse but essentially those who publicly distanced themself from Taylor still showed up when she was thriving again and/or because they actually truly loved her *uhmm karlie uhmm* 

- “cursing my name, wishing I stayed” either at Big Machine or with Karlie/Taylor. 

- “some to make a diamond ring” > firstly we still have never understood the ring image from the LWYMMD and ME! videos, it is entirely possible this is a continuation of that same symbol/image. Second, I think this hints to Karlie getting ‘engaged’ while still being with Taylor, the rock for the ring in the song was found by the two people gathering stones after all. 

- “you know i didn't want to have to haunt you” both Taylor and Karlie have big reputations all over the world that follow them everywhere. For either one, they will always be haunted by reminders of each other. 

- “you wear the same jewels that I gave you as you bury me” - on the Big Machine side, Taylor made the label professional and big, she is literally the sole reason it succeeded in the music industry so she handed Sco** his fortune and reputation which he still had when he sold her music to Scumbag and got into a very dirty bed with him. From the Karlie side, many people have noted that not only does she wear her black cartier necklace, which is assumed to be from Taylor, but to her ‘wedding’ wore a necklace she’d worn before with Taylor. 

- “when I’d fight you’d tell me I was brave” could refer to Sco** encouraging her in 2016 to defend herself. Could refer to Karlie supporting her behind the scenes. 

- ‘and I can go anywhere I want, just not home” seems like a continuation from exile, as in she’s lost the place she called home because her lover is no longer there but could also mean she can’t go back to her other albums and the house (see the lover music video) that they created as her musical home.

- “you will still miss me in your bones” could be about Sco** losing his money and label without her there to physically support and carry it or about the fact that the love Taylor and Karlie had is so ingrained it’s in their bones forever. 

- “and i still talk to you when I’m screaming at the sky” this lyric has a lot of possible interpretations (i’ve seen one about cursing out God?) but i think it’s similar to “asking the traffic lights if i’ll be alright” as in, it’s Taylor asking the universe to help her make sense of things. 

- “when you can’t sleep at night, you hear my stolen lullabies” suggests a) sco** + scumbag is still haunted by the music they stole from Taylor because it was literally the backbone of the business which is now practically worthless and b) that Karlie is kept awake by the songs Taylor has written for and about her over the years which again were stolen away by the jackasses at Big Machine.  

- “you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same” again, same idea - big machine will never be profitable without her/while they hold her masters hostage. BUT Karlie wise, breaking up with Taylor broke her too? 

- this is where the song changes. it shifts from Taylor’s story to someone else’s, personally I think Karlie. 

- “you turned into your worst fears” as in she settled for the money and sold her values off by marrying Josh. Also, Karlie was under Scumbag’s management for years (part of Taylor’s hatred of him was him keeping the girls’ from doing as they pleased) so by being completely controlled by him, she turned into this completely fake person. Contrast 2014/15 Karlie with 2017/18 Karlie and it so much more all about PR and money. 

- “you’re tossing out blame, drunk on this pain, crossing out the good years” - sco** and scumbag have made so many false excuses for their behaviour and completely erased the good relationship between the Swifts and sco**. Not sure yet what the Karlie side is here but it’s here somewhere. 

- in conclusion, this is about Big Machine and Karlie. As the first song Taylor wrote for the album, I think it’s clear just how incredibly multi-faceted this album is. ☕☕☕

mirrorball

- first off, we can never forget about this and this look from both girls. ✨✨

- “I’ll to show you every version of yourself tonight”, the public and the private sides to them both. this is big glass closet energy in my opinion 

- “and when I break it’s in a million pieces” is so personal and heartbreaking. 2016 and Kaylor breakup vibes. I cannot elaborate at this time. 

- “when no one is around my dear” = the secrecy, forbidden love motif returns and again, if she’s in a hetero relationship, what’s to hide? 

- “you’ll find me on my tallest tiptoes”, Just an fyi, Karlie, a giraffe, is 6′2″, Taylor is 5′10″ -- thats a big difference. 🦒🦒🦒

-  “i know they said the end is near” = end of the relationship or the end of hiding it, either way, it’s a romantic last private moment together, swaying as the room burns down. 

- “i can change everything about me to fit in” = Taylor when she was starting out was forced to create this all innocent, american-girl image of herself. She has had to hide herself to succeed, as she said in Miss Americana, she was muzzled. 

- “you are not like the regulars, the masquerade revelers” = Karlie is different to everyone else, or any other ex, ‘masquerade’ implies masked or hidden figures at a party, very Love Story 

- “and the called off the circus, burned the disco down” = the ‘circus’ could be the media/public, or all the illusions Taylor has cast in order to appear straight. The ‘disco’, and Taylor is the ‘mirror ball’ to her lover means that this isolated existence of just the two of them. 

- “I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything” for now, she’s still closeted, she’s still trying to have the best of everything. 

- “I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why” believer in everything working out perhaps, or perhaps believing it’s better if she’s in the closet and it’s only the two of them. 

- “never been a natural” = she has completely created herself through years off trying to be what people want, not who she naturally is. 

seven

- “picture me” implies this is retrospective of Taylor, she’s reflecting on her childhood/youth. 

- “I hit my peak at Seven” could either refer to the age 7 or album 7, ‘Lover’ which many critics argued was her best work. 

- “Over the creek I was too scared to jump in” = fear of jumping is something Taylor has discussed in many songs but this is different, the creek represents something she fears will drown her.

- “High in the sky with Pennsylvania under me” = obviously, Taylor was born and raised in rural PA, so this truly is a childhood memory unearthed and explored. It’s personal to Taylor, it’s her story. 👏🏼

- “Are there still beautiful things?”  Recognizing the world isn’t all daisies and rainbows 

- “cross your heart, don’t tell no other” = again, secret keeping and hiding something is a big queer image, ‘cross your heart’ is a quite childish phrase but it’s adult equivalent in Taylor’s world is an NDA, ie swearing people to secrecy is something she's always known... 🔐

- “Although i can’t recall your face, I still got love for you” = this childhood love has faded with time to memories, this girl simultaneously forgotten and remembered. 

- “Your braids like a pattern” = definitely about a girl (1996 rural Pennsylvania was not the kind of place where boys had braids), specific use of YOUR pronoun not ‘my’ or ‘our’ suggesting again it’s about a girl. Very obviously about a first girl crush. 🌈 

- “passed down like folk songs, the love lasts so long” = firstly, reference to Neruda’s poem Taylor used in the red prologue. second, folksongs change slightly from generation to generation but the heart/melody remains the same meaning that in Taylor’s mind, the story of her first girl love has changed but it’s still the same song/story all the years later. also, clearly a reminder of the setting of the song and the album as a whole being folklore. 💛

- “your dad is always mad and that must be why” feels a lot like Love Story and forbidden love, also again rural Pennsylvania in the mid-1990s was not the most liberal place so I can imagine a lot of homophobic ideas that perforated Taylor’s childhood.

- “I think you should come live with me” is such an innocent image of someone in love and wanting to just fix things by bringing them home, it also is like a baby gay version of uhauling 

- “we could be pirates” = pirates are not just a childhood image/motif but also one historically seen as gay, gangs of pirates often had ‘mateolage’ agreements that basically were like widow’s benefits. See John Swann. ☠️

- “you won’t have to cry, or hide in the closet.” = I think this one is explicitly clear but just to be sure, Taylor could’ve said “hide when he lost it, hide if you wanted, hide in the woods too” etc. Read this for a full understanding of why it such a LOUD image to use.  It is VERY DELIBERATE PEOPLE. 🌈🌈🌈

- “just like a folk song, our love will be passed on” = different from the first bridge but deliberate again. Their story, aka Taylor liking girls from a young age will always be talked about, AND their love lives in this song she wrote.

- “picture me in the weeds before I learned civility” = again, given the homophobic attitude, ‘civility’ and straightness should be read as the same so Taylor is saying when she was a child, free in the grass and herself, she wants to always be. 

- “I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted” = she wasn’t muzzled as a child, she could say and be who she wanted, screaming it aloud for everyone to hear but that changed as she grew up. 

- “pack your dolls and a sweater, we’ll move to India forever” = ‘dolls’ again would imply it’s two girls running away together and India is this exocitc far off place to a child, a place where they can be together without anyone knowing them or controlling them. 

August

- Karlie Kloss is born in August. Karlie Kloss posted yesterday about being a Leo (an August born). August belongs to Karlie Kloss. 🦁♌

- “rust on your door” = image of something well-worn, perhaps someone who’s been here too a few times before?

- “whispers of are you sure?” = obviously there is the sexual connotation, but beyond that, what if it’s about Taylor and Karlie going public etc. 

- “never have I ever before” = see above but also the game ‘never have I ever’ evokes youthfulness and sounds almost like a reminder of a fun night with friends. 

- “I can see us lost in the memory” = implies they’re still together, losing themself in the memory together

- “I can see us twisted in bedsheets” = again, sexual imagery but also the intimacy of sharing a bed with the person you love after sex 

- “Like a bottle of wine” = matures the song a bit, the youthfulness of earlier is now more adult. 21 is America’s drinking age, 20s were mentioned early etc. 🍷

- “Cause you were never mine” = the whole of Taylor and Karlie’s relationship, Karlie has publically been dating Josh so she was never solely Taylor’s. 

- “Will you call when you’re back at school?” = Karlie attended NYU in 2015, the height of Kaylor. 

- “back when we were still changing for the better” = instead of changing to adapt/survive or keep up appearances. 

- “wanting was enough” = wanting Karlie without labels was enough, rather than having to go public etc. Many have said for a long time that Karlie and Taylor fought about coming out or not. 

- “cancel plans in case you would call” = sounds like a very love-sick Taylor Swift thing to do. Also waiting on a lover’s call when they constantly are travelling like both Karlie and Taylor do makes sense. ☎️

- “so much for summer love” = cruel summer echo? Summer 2015 was again, peak Kaylor so this could be a specific reference to that period

- “Do you remember? Remember when I pulled up and said ‘get in the car’” another specific reference, comes up again later in Betty, clearly is something personal. 

- “Back when I was still living for the hope of it all” = back as in the past when everything was happening, hope of it all being the hope they’d still end up together. 

TO SUM UP PART 1:

BENEATH ALL FICTION OR MYTH IS FACT & FEELING. Taylor is no longer hiding. Yes, some of these songs are about stories and people not her but there is so much of herself and her own story layered in too. PAY ATTENTION!!! Obviously, these are just my opinions, I’m not Taylor so I cannot know exactly what these songs are about but I think, after years of analyzing her music, these images/themes and deliberate word choice are well-versed in this part of the fandom. It is entirely possible this is the beginning of Taylor’s full, public coming out journey. 

I’ll be back with Part 2 tomorrow.  Stay Tuned!

[yikesharringrove]

Thanks for reblogging all your old writing! I’m in love with those where Steve and Billy are sharing a bed. Can we please have more of it?

Here’s my other bed sharing piece! This is not in the same universe lol

-

Steve shivered.

He always got so fucking cold at night. His mom always said he had circulation issues. He thinks it has more to do with the phantom chill his nightmares bring.

“Harrington, I swear to fucking God.” Billy grumbled from the bed above him.

Billy had offered to share the bed in the dingy motel room they were sharing outside of Chicago.

Billy had an appointment with an experimental doctor, and had asked Steve to drive him out there, stay with him while the new doctor assessed his damaged body.

But when they got to the shitty motel, there was only one room left, with only one bed.

And Steve was tired enough to just hand over his dad’s credit card and move on.

He had insisted Billy got the bed, his perpetually sore body was hurting from the way the doctor had manhandled his weak muscles.

Steve shivered again.

“Jesus Christ.”

“Sorry, Billy.”

“Just get the fuck up here if you’re cold.”

“No, no I’m good down-” he violently shivered again.

“Steve. Get the fuck up here.”

Steve huffed, but he pulled himself off the floor, and slid into the double bed.

He stayed as close to the edge as he possibly could, didn’t want to push his luck, push his gay fucking feelings all over Billy.

He was barely covered by the thin blanket, trying to control his shivers, wrapped in his thick sweater.

But his next shiver rocked the whole fucking bed.

Billy groaned.

“Come here.”

“Um, I’m okay here.”

“Steve, I can’t fucking move, so you gotta come to me.”

Billy knew what buttons to push to get Steve to do what he wanted, and the I’m injured because I almost died for you is his constant go to.

Steve scooched over.

“Closer.” He scoot a little more. “Like, close enough to touch.” He moved a tiny bit more. Billy gave a long suffering sigh. “I’m trying to share fucking body heat, man. Not trying to perv on you or whatever. Just come here.”

Steve took a deep breath, and closed the gap between them.

His back was pressed against Billy’s chest. Billy tossed an arm over him. And he realized Billy was shirtless.

He traced the scars winding up his hand, his wrist.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Steve apologized about three times a week for Billy’s near death last year.

“Not your fault.”

“But I should’ve, noticed that you were off.”

“Why would you? We weren’t friends back then.” Billy’s arm tightened around him. “You’d notice now. That’s what matters, I guess.” Steve shuffled in Billy’s arms. He wanted to turn around, wanted to look at Billy as they laid together, wanted to watch him sleep and pretend that, that it was more.

He shook his head, completely disgusted in himself.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing. Just thinking.” Billy scoffed.

“Don’t hurt yourself.” He laughed as Steve slapped his arm. “What’re you thinking about?”

“I don’t know. Just, stuff.” Just gay stuff about his best friend. You know. The usual.

“Stuff. Right.” He patted Steve’s tummy a few times. Steve’s face was hot.

Billy shifted a bit, pressing in closer to Steve. He could feel his breath on his neck, ruffling his hair slightly.

He shivered.

“How are you still cold?”

“You were breathing on me.” Billy started blowing cold air on the back of his neck.

“Stop!”

“Make me!” He blew harder.

Steve forgot himself for a moment, caught up in the moment, and turned around.

He could just make out Billy’s features in the dark, the slope of his nose, the cut of his jaw.

He averted his eyes, tried to look anywhere other than Billy’s lazy grin.

He glanced at his chest, tracking the pattern of his scars, pink and puckered.

He spread his hand over the large one in the center, feeling the rough skin, the way Billy’s heart beat.

“I’ve never seen the ones on your chest.” Billy’s hand came up to cover Steve’s.

“I mean, I don’t really hide them.”

“I know but I, it just felt rude to look, I guess.”

“Doesn’t feel rude now?” Steve’s eyes snapped back to Billy’s face, found him grinning at Steve’s sheepish look. “You can look. I don’t care. ‘Specially not if it’s you.”

“What, what do you mean?”

“I feel safe with you, I guess. Always have.”

“Me too. I mean like I feel safe with you.” Billy chuckled softly at him.

“I know what you meant, Pretty Boy.”

“Just checking.” Billy’s smile slowly faded as he studied Steve’s face.

“You mean a lot to me.” Steve’s breath caught in his chest. “Always have. Even though I was shit at showin’ it.”

“No I, that’s okay. You, you mean a lot to me too. Like, a lot.” Billy’s smirk was slowly returning.

“Yeah? How much?”

“Like a whole bunch.”

“A whole bunch? Wow.” Steve rolled his eyes as Billy laughed. He wheezed for a moment after, making Steve nervous.

“Are you ok-”

“I’m fine, Stevie. Old lungs aren’t what they used to be.”

“You mean they’re somehow worse than when you smoked two packs a day?”

“Don’t talk about smoking, Pretty Boy. Makes me want a cig.”

“Then what should I talk about?”

“What were you thinking about earlier?” Steve swallowed thickly.

“You.” Billy hummed.

“Anything good?” Steve bit his lip.

He could just, tell him.

He could open his mouth and say just about how I’m in love with you.

But he was too scared.

Always too scared.

“Just about today. The doctor.” Billy’s face fell. “The stuff he did, was just really interesting. I’ve never thought about stuff like that.”

The doctor had done something experimental, was basically like a chiropractor for muscles, believed shifting and rubbing out the muscles would help with the pain in them, the misalignment of Billy’s body after the traumatic surgeries.

“Yeah. It was cool.” His voice was clipped.

“I don’t know, just medical stuff like that, I don’t really understand it at all. I think it’s neat.” Billy gave him a little half smile.

“It’s cute when you call things neat.” Steve flushed. “And it’s cute when you get all flushed and embarrassed.”

Steve tried to hide his face in the pillow under his head.

“Quit it,” Steve whined out.

“Nah, Princess. Not gonna.” Steve shifted to glare at Billy with one eye. Billy ran one hand clumsily through his hair. “I think you’re real cute.”

“I, I-uh,” Steve didn’t really know what he was gonna say, just felt like he needed to say something.

But Billy was looking at his lips, his hand big and warm on Steve’s cheek.

“You have to know how I feel.”

“I, what? How do you feel?”

“Steve, I haven’t been fucking subtle. We’re literally in bed together.”

“But I don’t, subtle about what?”

“How much I fucking love you.”

Steve’s heart fucking stopped.

“You, I’m sorry, what?”

“I love you. I’m in love with you. Have been for a long fucking time.”

“But you, I don’t, get it.”

“What do you mean you don’t get it?” Billy was starting to get panicked.

“You’re, you love me? Like for real?”

“Yeah. Wouldn’ta said it otherwise.”

“I, I love you too. Like, like a lot.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I do.” And Billy smiled so hard his eyes crinkled.

“Really gave me a fuckin’ heart attack there, Baby. Just starin’ at me.”

“Sorry, Bill. I just, I wasn’t expecting it. I thought I’d keep being secretly in love with you forever.”

“Sorry to fuck up your plan, then.” Billy just kept smiling at him, eyes big and bright. “But movin’ is still a no go for me here, so you’re gonna have to kiss me.”

Steve wiggled closer, one hand trailed up Billy’s arm. He kissed his cheek first, too excited to get to do this. He kissed his forehead.

“Stevie. On the fuckin’ mouth.” Steve kissed his nose. “Steve.”

Steve gave in.

The kiss was soft, just a gentle press of their lips together. He nipped at Billy’s bottom lip as he pulled back. Billy moaned softly, his eyes still closed.

“How was that?” Billy’s eyes were bright when he opened them.

“Everything I wanted it to be.”

[maaaaarveeeeel]

Day 1: Mutual Masturbation (Pre Serum Stucky)

So I'm a day late, so two posts today! Here's my first post for Kinktober!

Summary: Steve reflects on how he and Bucky ended up in bed together.

Warnings: Swearing, SMUT (duh), mentions of homophobia, mentions of God, mentions of someone getting beat up and fighting. (If I forgot anything please let me know!)

A/N: Hehehehe, let's see how long I actually do this. I bet I'll make it to the 12th at least! Sorry the keep reading thing isn't there. I'm on mobile.

Here's the prompt I'm using

🛁🛁🛁🛁🛁🛁🛁🛁🛁

When Steve found out Bucky had his first kiss at 13 he wanted to cry, because it wasn't with him. Instead he smiled and patted his friend's shoulder. Three years later when Bucky told him he'd lost his virginity Steve did cry. He sobbed and ran home, slamming his door shut and ignoring his mother's calls. 

When Bucky showed up soon after Sarah asked what had happened. After Bucky explained everything Sarah chuckled and sat him down. She told him how Steve has been in love with him since they were little and how he was too scared to ever say anything because of the church and views on gay men. She told him how every night before bed she would tell Steve that there was nothing wrong with what he felt, and any God that would hate someone for who they loved was not a God worth worshipping. How every night Steve said an extra prayer just for Bucky, and asked God to keep him and his family safe. When Bucky bit his lip and his face turned red she grabbed his hand and told him that his mother and her always talked about how special him and Steve were, and how their friendship was one they would always protect and accept. 

Bucky sat there for a few moments blinking at her. He knew Steve loved him, as they always told one another, but he never knew Steve had loved him that way. After a while he asked if he could go to Steve's room and see him, Sarah of course let him. 

Bucky walked up the stairs and down the hall. When he stopped in front of Steve's door he tried to open it, only to find it locked. 

"Steve, let me in."

"Go a-away J-James." 

Bucky frowned at this. Steve only called him James when he was mad at him, he also didn't like that he was stuttering. 

"Not until you open this door!"

"N-no!"

Bucky jiggled the handle but it was useless,  he wasn't getting in. So instead he decided to just lean against the door, figuring Steve would have to come out at some point.

When he heard footsteps on the stairs he smiled when he saw Sarah pull a key out of her apron as she approached him. After she quickly unlocked the door she turned and hurried down the stairs again. Bucky wondered why she was so trusting he wasn't going to beat Steve for the feelings he had for him. Brushing the thought off he swung Steve's door open and barged in. 

Steve was curled on his bed with tear stains on his face. He looked up, shocked at the sudden intrusion. 

"Wh-"

"Your ma has a master key." Bucky mumbled as he marched across Steve's small room. "And she told me your dirty little secret."

Steve gulped and sat up as he watched Bucky tower above him. He felt tears return to his eyes again and gulped. Bucky had been there for him his whole life, always beat up the bullies that picked on him and, even if Steve would never admit it, finished the fights he started. He tried so hard to bury his feelings, but his mother knew, and now Bucky did too, and he looked mad. 

Steve bit his lip and closed his eyes when Bucky grabbed his suspenders and pulled him up. His worst nightmare had come true. Bucky knew and now he hated him and was going to beat him for it. His best friend, the boy he'd been in love with since he could remember. He just hoped Bucky wouldn't tell anyone else, that he'd give Steve that much after their years of friendship. Not that he deserved it, after all, Steve was nothing but a burden to Bucky anyway. 

He prepared himself for Bucky's fist, but when it never came he slowly opened his eyes and furrowed his brow when he saw tears running down Bucky's face. 

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Bucky whispered.

"B-because I th-thought you'd ha-ate me." Steve stuttered as tears ran down his face.

Bucky shook his head. "I could never hate ya Steve. I love you way too much."

Steve's chest twisted at this, like it always did when Bucky said those words to him. Because when Steve said them, they meant something so different. 

"Bucky, I-"

"Shut up Stevie." Bucky mumbled as he pulled Steve forward and crashed their lips together.

Steve's eyes went huge and he froze. When Bucky pulled back he studied Steve's face and frowned. 

"Shit, that was your first kiss!" Bucky smacked himself in the forehead. "And I ruined it! Steve I'm so sorry. You just looked so sad and scared and like I was gonna hit ya or something and I panicked and-"

"Shut up Bucky." Steve mumbled, grabbing him and pulling him forward until their lips met again. 

Bucky blinked a few times before he melted into the kiss. He moved his hands down Steve's side and quickly spun the two and sat. Steve broke the kiss and looked down at Bucky and chuckled. 

"You're a jerk James Buchanan Barnes." Steve whispered as Bucky wrapped a hand around the back of Steve's neck. 

"And you're a punk Steven Grant Rogers." 

After that day the two kept their relationship a secret. Bucky would occasionally take girls out on dates to keep up his "ladies man" reputation and Steve tried to get dates, but the two soon learned girls didn't like him. It didn't bother either. 

Their families knew of their relationship and that was it. However, they didn't do anything other than kiss, Steve still being scared he'd damned them for his feelings. Bucky never believed that, but respected Steve and gladly just sat on his or Steve's bed and enjoyed kissing his boyfriend. 

After Steve's mother died, when he was 18, the two moved in together, and Bucky greatly appreciated that. He could watch over Steve and be close to him all the time. Steve was still nervous about doing anything more than kissing, but Bucky noticed when Steve would get hard he wouldn't immediately jump off him, instead he'd grind against his leg a little and moan into their kissing. Again, Bucky didn't push or complain, he simply just enjoyed Steve's actions. 

So after Steve's 19th birthday when he came to him and told him he wanted to do more, Bucky was shocked. Bucky sat him down and discussed what it was Steve wanted to do exactly. An asthma, panic and stuttering attack later Bucky was smirking and kissing his boyfriend. 

And that's how Steve found himself laying 

on his back, taking deep breaths as he watched Bucky pull his pants down. In the back of his head he felt what they were doing was still considered wrong, but he pushed those thoughts away. He thought of what his mother use to always tell him. How any God that would hate someone for who they loved was not a God worth worshipping. He believed the God that him and Bucky prayed to loved them and accepted them, even if others didn't.

"Hey," Steve was pulled from his thoughts. He turned his head and saw Bucky staring at him, "we don't have to do this Steve. You know I love you and how we are."

Steve pushed himself up and crossed his legs. "I know Buck, but I want to do this...I mean...if you're okay with it."

Bucky smiled and crawled into the bed and cupped Steve's face. "Of course I am. Now, lay back darling, so we can do this."

Steve nodded and laid down, Bucky following him. The two got comfortable on their backs and smiled at each other. Bucky leaned over and kissed Steve's forehead and chuckled when he saw the blush spread over Steve's cheeks to his ears and down his neck to his chest. Bucky wanted so badly to reach out and rub his hand down Steve's chest, but he held back, not wanting to scare Steve. He figured if Steve was willing to do this it was just a matter of time before he'd want more. 

"You sure you don't want me to do it?" Bucky whispered, kissing Steve's shoulder. 

"Yes. Just, I want us to watch each other." Steve whispered back. 

Bucky nodded and held his hand up to Steve's face. Steve gave him a questioning look and Bucky laughed. 

"Will you at least lick my hand so it's your spit I'm using?" 

Steve's cock twitched at that and he felt like his heart was going to explode. He took a deep breath and could feel himself turning redder. Nodding his head he grabbed Bucky's hand and brought it to his mouth. Not really sure what to do he started kissing the center, then ran his tongue up until it reached the top of Bucky's middle finger. He closed his eyes then wrapped his lips around Bucky's fingers and took them as deep in his mouth as he could. He started moving them in and out of his mouth, making sure to run his tongue up and down. After doing that a few more times he kissed down Bucky's fingers then ran his tongue from the center of his hand to his thumb and repeated the action there. When he heard Bucky moan he froze and opened his eyes then looked at the other man. Bucky had his other hand wrapped around his cock and was slowly stroking it while watching Steve. 

"Fuck Stevie, you going behind my back and sucking guys off?" 

Steve quickly pulled Bucky's hand away from his mouth and started to stutter. Before he could get an answer out Bucky just chuckled and wrapped his spit covered hand around Steve's jaw and pulled him in for a kiss. 

"It was a joke, your mouth just felt nice on my hand is all." 

Steve smiled and nodded. He watched as Bucky switched hands and started to pump himself with the hand Steve had in his mouth. A low groan fell from his lips and he grabbed Steve's thigh. 

"Baby, please, touch yourself." Bucky asked looking down at Steve's hard cock. 

Steve nodded and slowly wrapped a hand around himself and moved his hand up and down. He bit his lip at the feeling that shot through him. Sure he'd rubbed himself on Bucky a few times, but it felt nothing like this. 

"That's it darling," Bucky whispered, squeezing Steve's thigh, "use the precum and speed up. It'll feel better."

Steve nodded, watching Bucky's hand move from the base of his cock to the top and then back down. Steve rubbed his hand over the tip and hissed at the feeling. After taking a deep breath he tried to copy Bucky's movements. He ran his hand up and down his cock at an experimental speed, he started to speed up and squeezed it a bit harder, finding that brought him more pleasure. 

"Like how it feels punk?" Bucky asked, watching as Steve spread his legs wider and picked his pace up. 

Steve just nodded and watched Bucky run his thumb over the tip of his dick. He copied the movement and let out a loud moan. Bucky chuckled and leaned over and placed a kiss to Steve's cheek. 

"You look so beautiful when you're in pleasure like this Steve." Bucky whispered, looking at Steve's face as he made an 'O' shape with his mouth. 

"S-so do you, B-b-b-fuck-BUCKY!" Steve yelled as a wave of pleasure hit him and made him arch his back. 

"Close Steve?" Bucky asked, feeling his cock twitch at the noise and face Steve made. 

Steve turned his face so he could look at Bucky and nodded. Bucky smiled and placed a quick kiss to his lips before looking back down at Steve's hand. 

"Sweetheart you've gotta keep moving your hand if you wanna finish." 

"I-I can't," Steve panted, "it's too mu-uch."

"Do you want me to-"

"No, I-I can do it. Just...just give me a minute."

Bucky nodded and kissed Steve's shoulder and whispered encouraging things to him. A few minutes later Steve started moving his hand again at a fast pace. He turned his head towards Bucky and smiled when he saw he was doing the same. 

"B-buck, I'm-"

"Cum for me darling, I wanna hear ya." Bucky whispered.

Steve moaned and pumped his cock a few more times then stopped as white ropes shot over his chest and hand. Bucky groaned at the sight and moved his hand faster on himself as he watched Steve's chest rise and fall. He watched as Steve's hand slowly moved up his stomach and through his cum. He moved his eyes up and lost it when he saw Steve staring at him with lidded eyes and a sloppy smile. 

Bucky sighed and leaned his forehead against Steve's and took a deep breath. "Well, how was it?"

"I liked it." Steve said, moving to sit up. "I just don't like how sticky I am now."

Bucky smirked and rolled over so he was laying between Steve's legs. He chuckled at how red the man's face turned. "Wanna take a bath and maybe try this again?" 

Steve smiled at this and ran a hand down Bucky's cheek. "How about we bath, but this time do it to each other?"

Bucky's eyes lit up at this. He jumped off the bed, picked Steve up, then ran to the bathroom, Steve chuckling the whole time. 

Tag list: @romaniansweetheart

(If you wanna be tagged let me know 😊)

[hartigays]

11 from the list plz Ps I love ur work

11. “I thought you didn’t want me.”

it’s been a slow day at family video - slow enough to make steve’s head practically throb from boredom.

he’s been tossing a superball at the ground over and over for the past hour, letting it rebound into his hand, not a customer in sight. robin is somewhere in the back, under the guise of needing to go through the returns, though it’s more likely that she’s taking a nap.

when the bell above the door jingles, steve doesn’t even look up at first. there’s not really any point - if the customer needs help finding something, they’ll ask. it isn’t until he hears a soft, flirtatious giggle that he looks up, his stomach dropping at the scene unfolding before him.

because it’s not just any annoying couple - it’s billy hargrove and some girl from high school that steve can’t for the life of him remember the name of, browsing through movies with sickeningly cute smiles on their faces.

steve’s billy. the one he’s been holding and kissing and fucking and loving for the last six months. the one he thought loved him back, because billy said so and steve was apparently dumb enough to believe him. so, like, what the fuck?

billy leans in close, whispering something in the girl’s ear that makes her giggle and blush again, and steve’s insides feel like they’re on fire. neither of them even notice that steve is there, watching them with an expression that can only be described as livid.

it isn’t until steve clears his throat that either of them look up. steve can see all the color drain from billy’s face at once. and yeah, steve gets it. he wasn’t even supposed to be working today, but keith had to be a little bitch about his sinus infection, so here steve is. covering for him and bearing witness to the worst possible situation he could’ve ever been presented with.

it’s pretty obvious that billy knew steve wasn’t supposed to be working today, based on the expression on his face. and, man, ain’t life a bitch?

steve can’t find it in himself to feel bad for billy. not when the fucker has seemingly been running around behind his back this whole time, lying about his feelings for steve. lying about the life he supposedly wants with him. so steve sets his jaw, plastering on a faux smile.

“welcome to family video,” steve says through gritted teeth, “let us know if you need help finding anything.”

the girl just nods eagerly, thanking him and continuing down the aisle, browsing the titles on the shelves before her.

billy doesn’t move at first, frozen in place, staring at steve with wide eyes. like a deer caught in the headlights, or a kid with its hand caught in the cookie jar. steve just stares right back, before ultimately deciding he doesn’t want to give billy the time of day.

not right now. not after this.

steve turns on his heel, making his way into the back. he has to curl his hands into fists to keep them from shaking, trying not to let angry tears spill over.

“hey, you okay?” robin asks when he walks into the room in the back, where they keep all their unshelved returns and new arrivals.

“no,” steve says honestly, leaning against the doorframe and rubbing his temples. “billy just came in. with a girl.”

“like, a girl girl?” robin asks. “not like, a cousin-girl? or like, a girl who maybe likes other girls-girl?”

“if that’s how he acts with his cousins or other lesbians, i’m a little concerned.”

robin gives him a sympathetic look. “well, maybe there’s an explanation. you should probably talk to him before deciding to launch yourself off the deep end.”

“what is there to talk about?” steve groans, burying his face in his hands. “he came here to pick out a video. with another girl. who he was flirting with. she was giggling, robin. like i’m gonna fuck you later giggling.”

“maybe they’re friends and she’s just a flirty type of person,” robin suggests. “you and plenty of girls have flirted with each other, but it didn’t always mean you guys wanted to go out or fuck each other, right?”

steve doesn’t get the chance to answer, because someone from the front rings the bell at the front counter. given that there are only two customers in the whole store, who came together, there’s only one guess as to who it might be.

he gives robin a pleading look. “can you take care of it? please?”

“of course,” robin says easily. she pats his arm before walking out of the room, disappearing out onto the main floor.

steve slides down the wall he’s leaning against, sinking onto the ground with a pitiful groan. like, steve can’t totally blame billy for running around behind his back. because girls? billy can take them out in public, can flirt with them and hold their hands and kiss them without anyone batting an eye.

he can’t do those things with steve. they’ve had to sneak around the entire time they’ve been dating, only robin and heather knowing the full extent of their relationship. steve thinks joyce and hopper might suspect, maybe even max, though they haven’t asked. but the bottom line is, steve and billy have had to hide.

billy doesn’t have to hide if he’s with a girl. steve thinks that’s maybe what hurts the most, knowing that he genuinely can’t blame billy for wanting to be with someone who doesn’t have to be his dirty little secret.

it’s just - steve loves him. he really does. and billy was the one who was worried in the first place that steve would want someone else after a while, not wanting to have to hide and lie and keep secrets, running around with the only gay guy in town. steve never would’ve thought that billy would be the one to get fed up and move on, leaving their relationship and everything they’ve shared together in a cloud of dust.

“the camaro wasn’t outside,” is the first thing robin says when she returns to the back room.

steve looks up at her, his brows furrowing in confusion. “maybe he left?”

“no, billy was still here. but the camaro wasn’t outside. doesn’t he usually drive when you guys hang out?” robin asks.

“uh, yeah. maybe he’s having car trouble and she drove?” steve suggests, his nose wrinkling.

because okay, yeah, billy would rather pull out his own teeth than ever let anyone else drive if given the option. so it’s a little weird. but it doesn’t mean that there’s not still something funky going on with billy and this girl, whoever she is.

robin shrugs. “dunno. just thought that was weird. just another reason for you to talk to him, instead of wallowing.”

steve doesn’t know how to answer that, so he doesn’t. he doesn’t have an answer for her when he locks up later that evening, or when he pulls up to his house, or when he flops onto the couch to pout into his takeout.

because steve doesn’t know if he wants to know what’s going on. what if he’s right? what if billy really is running off with someone else? with some nameless girl? or what if it’s something worse?

realistically, steve doesn’t know what could possibly be worse than billy abandoning him for someone else. but it’s the fact that there could be something. something that could break his heart even more than billy finding someone else to love.

there’s a knock on his front door and it pulls steve from his thoughts, putting a momentary pause on his stewing. there’s only one person that could be knocking on his door at this hour, and steve isn’t sure he’s ready to face him yet. but then there’s another knock, this one more insistent, and steve grunts as he shoves himself off the couch. he tosses his cold takeout onto the coffee table, forgotten.

“can we talk?” billy asks, the moment steve swings open the door.

steve just stares at him for a long moment, trying to get a read on his expression. billy just looks jittery and nervous, chewing on his lip and wringing his hands. steve can’t get anything more from him than that. so he steps aside, letting billy brush past him into the house.

“she doesn’t mean anything,” billy blurts, just after steve shuts the door. “sherry, i mean. she’s just- i can explain.”

“do i even want to know?” steve asks, folding his arms across his chest. he tries not to look too broken-hearted, not wanting to give billy the satisfaction.

“neil, he... i was trying to come see you today,” billy starts, shoving a hand through his hair. “heather was at the pool and she said you took keith’s shift. neil asked where i was going, and i... i fuckin’ told him the truth. i didn’t think he’d get suspicious over me going to pick up a few movies.”

an uneasy feeling starts to blossom in steve’s gut, not liking where this is going. “what’d he say?”

“that i didn’t- i don’t need to be looking like some faggot going to see the video store boy every other day,” billy says, sighing. “i had to lie. tell him i was getting a video for me and a girl. for a date. and he- he told me to call her. to bring her over for lunch and prove it.”

“why not just call heather though? i’m sure she would’ve been more than happy to help out,” steve says, his brows coming together in confusion.

billy moves to sink down onto the stairs, looking pointedly at his feet. “she had a church thing with her family or some shit. sherry was just- we were okay friends before we graduated. i figured she wouldn’t ask too many questions if i suddenly asked her out.

“steve, i swear to god,” billy continues, pressing his eyes with the heels of his palms, “i was just gonna do the fuckin’ lunch and be done with it. but he insisted on a movie. took us to get it and sat on the fuckin’ couch. watched it with us, too. at one point i thought he was gonna make us strip and walk us through how to fuck.”

steve makes a face. because, okay, he wouldn’t put any of that past neil. the guy is a fucking tool, and a creep. if steve has his way, neil would be rotting in jail cell by now.

but it’s not his life. he can’t make those decisions for billy.

steve sinks down onto the stairs next to billy, gnawing on the inside of his cheek. “i thought... i thought maybe you didn’t want me anymore. didn’t want to be with me.”

“steve,” billy starts, then pauses. he doesn’t look at steve, but he takes one of his hands, squeezing it tightly. “i want to spend the rest of my life with you. i want out of here, away from him, with you. i just- i don’t know how to do that yet.”

putting an arm around billy, steve pulls him tightly against him, letting billy bury his face into his shoulder.

“we’ll figure it out,” steve promises, resting his chin on top of billy’s head. “together. ‘m sorry i thought you were- y’know. running off with someone else.”

billy just sits up a little, before pulling steve in for a gentle kiss. it’s nothing heated or frenzied, just a soft press of lips that has steve tingling all the way down to his toes.

“just promise me we never have to watch teen wolf again,” billy says when they break apart, his lips quirking up into a small smile.

steve can’t help but laugh, standing and pulling billy up from the stairs, tugging him towards the living room. ready to put on his rocky box set and help his boyfriend forget about this hell day, just for a little while.

“you got it, sweetheart.”

[starker-stories]

Gunsel

First, before you read, run and see the fabulous moodboard that starker-sorbet made for me, for this story. Run! It’s beautiful.

Story also on AO3.

Tags: Offscreen Steve Rogers, Alternate Universe - Mob, Mob Boss Tony Stark, Alternate Universe - Noir, Dark!Tony, dark!Peter, Alternate Universe - No Powers, modern day noir, Film Noir, The Maltese Falcon

Gunsel is dated slang for a gay man (usually a bottom) with an older gay man (usually the top). Another definition is a gun-carrying criminal. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter was new to being included in Tony Stark’s business. He and Tony had been together for a year, but only a couple of months after that Peter requested to be brought in on things.

He wasn’t innocent. Everyone knew who Tony Stark was. He ran everything underhanded and illegal in the North East. So when Tony asked him out on a date after a chance encounter, he had a quick decision to make. There wasn’t really any doubt what his answer would be. Tony’s world fascinated Peter. It was a complicated puzzle and he liked the idea of working on it. It would take time for Tony to trust him. But in that time? It would be fun.

After a year, Peter grew restless and Tony grew tired of lying about the details of his business. Only, Tony’s trusted inner circle had been less than thrilled to have the boss’ boy toy in on things. Even once Peter had proven himself and taken care of some difficult ‘business’ on his own, they still doubted he was anything but a pretty face to keep the boss happy in the bedroom.

Peter stood straight and quiet beside Tony, who lounged casually in a big, tall leather chair near the center of the room. Peter listened, but didn’t interrupt. Even though he knew everything Tony did, knew all the details of his business, he was still considered new and was trying to work his way into the inner circle’s good graces.

“We need a fall guy,” Bucky said, pacing the room, settling at last in one of the chairs in front of Tony’s desk. “The NYPD aren’t the only ones looking into this. The FBI’s gotten interested. If the police solve it, the FBI loses interest. So we need someone the police can blame for those three murders.��

“Three?” Natasha said. “There were only two.”

“My partner on the deal,” Tony smirked, “turned up in the East River last night.”

“Okay, three,” Natasha said. “What difference does it make how many there are? Bucky has a point. We’ve done well in staying off the OCB’s radar. We want to stay that way. Someone has to take the blame. We have to give the police something so the FBI marks the case closed.”

Tony scoffed. “You can’t expect me to think that you, of all people, are afraid of the police or the FBI.” He paused. “Or that you’re not able to handle…”

“I’m very able to handle either of them,” she said, irritated by Tony’s insinuation.

“I’m in this up to my neck, dammit,” Bucky interrupted. “Two of them are directly traceable by someone good — and you know Rogers is good — back to me.” He was angry at Tony’s nonchalant confidence that he and his organization were untouchable. He’d never taken such a tone with the boss before. But desperation can make a man stormy. “I’ve got to find somebody to put this on. If I don’t, I’ll be the one Rogers hones in on.”

Barnes stood up from his chair and paced like a caged tiger in front of Tony’s desk. He stopped at the far corner of it. Bucky fixed his eyes on Peter. “Let’s give him the gunsel. He actually did shoot one of them when you sent him out with me to work on the problem.” He gave Peter a once over. “He’s made for the part. Look at him. Inexperienced, clumsy. Say he was trying to work his way out of your bed and into the organization by killing three of your enemies. Let’s give him to the NYPD.”

Tony leaned onto the arm of his chair, inclined towards Peter, and laughed. Low pitched and uncharacteristically loud. He paused for breath and continued his mirth. “Buck, there’s no telling what solution you’ll come up with, except it’s going to be dramatic.”

Bucky misinterpreted Tony’s meaning. “It’s our best option, boss. There isn’t anything about him and the story that Rogers won’t eat with a spoon. The chance at getting your latest boy? A blundering climber getting above himself? It’s custom made.”

Tony’s look turned cold as he stared at his right-hand man. “Even if I considered it, Peter is more than just a climber.” Tony flung the word back at Barnes. “If I did what you propose, what do you think would keep Peter from telling Rogers every last detail, details that none of you know, about my business.”

“Let him talk. Rogers will never believe that one of your bedwarmers knows about your business. No one will do anything about what he says.”

Tony’s laugh was harsher. He tapped Peter on the side of his leg and looked up at him. “What do you think of this idea? Funny, huh?”

Peter stared at Bucky. “Yeah. Funny,” he said, deadpan.

Tony stood and walked over to Natasha. “What do you think, Nat? That a good solution?”

“Not at all,” Natasha said, shooting a sidelong glance at Bucky. “It’s too much exposure. Even if Rogers bought the story Barnes thinks Peter’s going to tell, which Peter won’t, the story he does tell will be the end of you.” She nodded to Bucky. “And will do absolutely nothing to harm anyone else. Peter’s loyal… to you.” She nodded to Tony.

“I’m loyal,” Bucky argued. “But the kid’s not going to be missed. You’ll replace him within the week.”

“I thought you were more observant than that,” Tony said, moving in front of Barnes. “You’ve known me for a very long time. When have I ever brought one of my bedwarmers,” Tony spat the word in disgust, “into the business? When have I sent one of them out to do work? Expected one of them to be able to handle said work? And to not be disappointed by their results?”

Bucky’s breath quickened. “Never.” He shook his head slightly. “I got…”

“You fucking panicked,” Tony yelled. “You’ve been jumpy ever since Rogers joined the FBI. I’ve worked with you for years. I trust you more than anyone except Peter. What is it about this one? We’ve handled worse than an eager beaver transfer from NYPD. Why’s he got you jumpy?”

Bucky closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath. “He’s my ex.”

Tony stared straight at Bucky, scanning his face for any sign of a lie. “When?”

“Before this. Before us,” Barnes said hurriedly. “We grew up together. We had a thing. Teenagers, y’know? It was over long before I came into the life.”

“All right.” Tony turned around, pacing, keeping his back to Barnes. “I’m going to overlook the fact that you failed to tell me this important bit of information. But your childhood sweetheart is going to be taken care of.” Tony paused. “By you and Peter.”

Tony said back down in his chair and looked up at Peter. “If he hesitates at all, kill them both.”

Peter looked coldly at Bucky. Then he beamed at Tony. “Whatever you say, boss.”

[princesscas]

Hi! I have a question. I haven’t been heavily involved in tumblr/social media for a while. I had stopped watching supernatural for a couple of years and just got back into it. I ship destiel, but sometimes things about wincest come up. I keep seeing things about people not wanting to “ship shame” which you just mentioned as well, and I’m just confused. How is it okay that people ship two brothers? Like they are actual brothers on the show?? I don’t care that they’re not irl. I don’t know who the N girl you’re talking about is but apparently she cares about canon, so how can she like it? And why is it wrong for people to condemn people for shipping two brothers, when that is the thing inherently wrong? Like it’s disgusting... it’s not about them being guys, it’s incest... Again, I just don’t get it and I hope I don’t come off as rude! Thank you!

Nah, you’re not rude at all! Never ever like them. I’m still upset about what happened two days ago so what the hell, tea time!

To start off, I believe that everyone can ship whatever like like as long as they aren’t sending hate to others. Take a look at this (lengthy) post about ship wars. People can ship whatever they want, end of story. Doesn’t really matter anyway because people are gonna do what they wanna do. Do I like those types of ships like you described above? No, but it’s none of my business to tell others what they can and cannot ship. Sometimes I read darkfics. That isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. Is the post/fanfic properly tagged with such elements? Then it’s fine. Start hyjacking posts/leaving nasty comments? That’s 1000% not fine and it never will be. 

Something that doesn’t get brought up enough: There is a vast difference between an ordinary w//cest shipper and a J-two-squared tinhatter who believes the said two actors are secretly gay, their wives are beards, they hate mish, everyone who doesn’t like w//cest are wrong, etc.

Now, it’s on the shipper if they start normalizing such things. (in//st, unhealthy, etc) And the rabid obsessed (N&Co) hate-everything-that-breathes crew is a prime example of this. 

This thing is already long so why not throw out some receipts, huh?  IMO, you cross that ‘ship whatever you want’ line when you do this: 

...I ship an angel and a human my dude. (and two 100 yr old super soldiers, I wonder what they think about stucky lol) also jesus christ the rest of that is a mess. 

/tw: biphobia here./ REAL bisexuals? “oh you aren’t bisexual if you like one angel and a hunter.” And they’re obsessed with calling everyone ‘teenager girls.’ This is not only wrong but also pretty damn transphobic and misogynistic. 1) Most people have aged over the years (wow that’s crazy right?) 2) trans, nonbinary, and gender fluid people exist. 

Overall, these people are a horrible bunch. They’re obsessed with preaching to people about ‘tagging properly’ when they could take it upon themselves and use a blacklisting extension. Or just block every single blog they don’t like. These people are a very small portion of the fandom but they’re loud, they want you to think they make up all of the fandom but they don’t. Not even close, when other in general posts gets thousands of notes/retweets and theirs get maybe a couple hundred. (and a lot are from reblogs for replies) 

Not gonna lie, I feel the need to defend w//cest shippers because I’ve known/have/had mutuals who do ship it and they’re nice as can be. 

The loud bunch are so loud, it silences the others who partaking in normal fandom things. Or really, if I were them, I wouldn’t want to associate myself with those people. 

Let’s pretend for a second. Imagine if you loved a ship (it could be any ship from any fandom) but the fandom is toxic as hell and the most ‘popular/well known’ blogs/artists/writers are these people. Fandom corners have history on the way they were built upon throughout the course of the fandom’s media. 

You browse the tags, the blogs, the fanfics, and find yourself staring at a hateful group of cult-like bigoted people. But wait. These people? They don’t like fanfiction or fanon. No, they hate anyone who writes anything outside of textbook canon. Any characters outside of SW/DW/JW won’t be present. (if you’re curious or are brave enough, go look at the AO3 tag, it’s sad) 

I try to be empathetic with people. I cannot, for the life of me, imagine what it’s like. To love a show so much with your favorite ship but one part dislikes it and another part are so inherently hateful.   

The OP deleted but this thread on Reddit is exactly what I’m talking about. And they mentioned something else I think not many people bring up: OT3′s. 

I’m gonna quote this but it’s 1000% true. 

“What I can't for the life of me understand though is why people would hate on Misha as an actor because of his role on the show. I've seen a lot of Misha hatred - and I mean A LOT of it. In fact, I recently went through the anti-misha tag on tumblr and blocked over 200 tumblr accounts that either were dedicated to bashing him or castiel, or posted constantly about it.”

“It's really nuts to me that people would choose to put so much time and effort into hating an actor who hasn't done anything to them personally or hasn't even affected their lives, when they could be putting good feelings into praising the actors who have affected their lives in a good way instead if you feel me.”

Constantly is the key word here. I don’t think these people ever stop, not even for one second, to sit down and say, “God this is exhausting, I think I need a break this week.” I really dislike these people but I also feel empathetic for them. What is their mental health like? It isn’t healthy. Go show a therapist this, they’d probably quit on the spot. (okay prob not but that’s my best example atm) 

This has gotten extremely long so I think I’ll stop here. There are some nice people out there who will ship things you don’t like but a toxic side can make it seem much worse than it actually is. Ironically, it’s usually the opposite. (ie: voltron’s’s toxic side scaring off other shippers of that fandom) 

Lemme end this with pre!serum smol Steve and his legendary quote: 

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

Courtney’s 4K/Quarantine Writing Challenge!!

So, not only did I hit 4,000 followers a little while ago (thank you all so much again for that!) but we’re also all stuck inside for the foreseeable future and I know we’re all bored out of our minds (or at least I am) and I don’t read anywhere near enough fics as I should (and as I want to) so I figured since I’m going a Write Fest on my own blog to celebrate 4K (I’ll link it here if you want to check it out) I thought I could extend that to all of you guys as well!

So yeah, writing challenge, premise is pretty simple, I’ve hosted a couple before (lowkey flops but we move), you read the rules, abide by them, pick a prompt and a character and you write!

As always with me, I’m a nerd and so the prompts are split into categories - there are song lyrics, book quotes, comedy quotes and film quotes to choose from!

I hope you guys want to join in with this! I love reading what you guys write and this could be a really fun way to just keep us all moving and inspired over the next few months :)

The Rules

1) You don’t have to be following me but it would be nice because I’m lonely and want friends plz

2) If your piece of writing is over 500 words, please use the ‘read more’ feature

3) Reblog this post to get the word out (and tag anyone who may be interested!)

4) It’s going to be one person per prompt but if needed I can add more prompts

5) Smut is fine but please leave warnings as appropriate (THOUGH NO UNDERAGE CHARACTER SMUT THANKS)

6) On the back of that one, no inappropriate pairings pleaseeeeee

7) Also please make sure you leave appropriate warnings at the beginnings of fics if any sensitive subjects are brought up (e.g. mental health etc)

8) Ships and OC’s are welcome

9) Tag me in your writing!

10) Use the hashtag #Courts4KWritingChallenge

11) If you want to enter send me an ask with the prompt you want and the pairing you’ll be writing it with

12) The deadline for this is 15th July (this can be extended if y’all need it)

Characters/People/Pairings

1) Any of the BoRhap dudes and their characters 

2) (BoRhap!)Queen members (Freddie only platonically)

3) The Hargreeves Children (older!Five only)

4) Richard Madden (+ his characters)

5) Taron Egerton (+ his characters)

6) Rocketman!Bernie Taupin and Ray Williams

7) Smosh Members

8) Jake Gyllenhaal (+ all his various characters)

9) Chris Evans (+ his characters)

10) Sebastian Stan (+ his characters)

11) Any of the 5sos guys (poly!5sos fics also both welcomed and encouraged)

12) Stranger Things peeps (Steve, Billy + Robin/their cast counterparts)

13) One Direction guys (Niall, Harry + Louis)

14) Pevensie children

15) Sex Education (cast + characters)

Prompts

Song Lyrics

“Wake up sunshine, somebody loves you” - Wake Up, Sunshine by All Time Low

“When I take a look at my life and all of my crimes you're the only thing that I think I got right” - Lover of Mine by 5 Seconds of Summer ( @angiefangirlworld-2 w/ Ashton)

“Kiss in the kitchen like it’s a dance floor” - Sunflower Vol.6 by Harry Styles

“There'll never be another, I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life” - Black and White by Niall Horan ( @unn--known​ w/ someone from 1D)

“Let's keep each other safe from the world” - Lucky People by Waterparks

“Never wanted to be the boy next door, always thought I'd be something more” - Drowse by Queen

“And when I touch you I feel happy inside, it's such a feeling that my love I can't hide” - Hold Your Hand by The Beatles ( @flick-ofthe-wrist​ w/ Roger Taylor)

“It’s hard to think you could ever hate me, but everything's feeling different now” - Too Young by Louis Tomlinson

“All I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you” - 18 by One Direction

“I waited for her call - she always kept me waiting” - The Girl at the Rock Show by Blink-182

Book Quotes

“I am so busy keeping my head above water that I scarcely know who I am, much less who anyone else is” - The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

“Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do you start missing everybody” - The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger 

“Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there’s no room for the present at all.” - Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

“I have measured out my life in coffee spoons” - The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot

“As far as I’m concerned, I came out of the womb spouting cynicism and wishing for rain.” - Solitaire by Alice Oseman

“We cross our bridges as we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and the presumption that once our eyes watered.” - Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Tom Stoppard

“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.” I Am The Messenger by Marcus Zusak

“I love her, and that’s the beginning and end of everything” - The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Flitzgerald

“I just want you to know that you’re very special and the only reason I’m telling you is that I don’t know if anyone else ever has” - The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chebowsky ( @coupscarat w/ Damien Haas)

“Was there some kind of rule against drop kicking arseholes in the face? Probably. They always had rules against things that needed to be done” - Made You Up by Francesca Zappia

Comedy Quotes

“You have to treat everybody’s views, no matter what they believe, with respect” “What, even idiots?” Outnumbered

“Well you shouldn’t be prejudiced against fat people, thin people… men who have turned into women, women who have turned into men, gay people, ginger people… people from Liverpool” Outnumbered 

“Stand back kids, this school’s insurance policy doesn’t cover blown minds” Bad Education

“Do you think you could stop being so cheeky?” “Do you think you could stop asking stupid questions?” Outnumbered

“I spend my entire life around people. As much as I would like to, it’s almost impossible to avoid them” The Inbetweeners ( @queen-bunnyears​ w/ Ben Hardy or Sebastian Stan)

“We’re very hufflepuff here, wouldn’t you be happier in slytherin?” Fresh Meat ( @adrenaline-roulette​ w/ Ben Hardy)

“What’s the best way to make friends?” “Tell a woman you love her, and she says ‘I think we’re just friends’” Jimmy Carr, Jon Richardson

“There’s four things you can be in life: sober, tipsy, drunk and hungover. Tipsy is the only one that you’re not crying” James Acaster

“What’s that on your shorts?” “Oh - it’s called excitement” Smosh

“Full disclosure - I could just be an arsehole” Smosh

Film Quotes

“To me, you are perfect” - Love, Actually

“I wish I knew how to quit you” - Brokeback Mountain

“If you start crying, I’m gonna have to pretend to start crying” - Gifted ( @beysenpai​ w/ Chris Evans)

“I’m with you ‘til the end of the line” - Captain America: The Winter Soldier ( @mamaskillerqueen​ w/ Steve Harrington)

“Most of the time I just want to staple things to her head” - Bridget Jones’ Diary ( @hardforbenhardy​ w/ Ben Hardy)

“We’re family. We believe in each other. That’s everything” - Bohemian Rhapsody

“Look around: this guy basically lives in a clue board” - Knives Out

“Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.” - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"What I'm saying is--and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form--is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way." - When Harry Met Sally ( @acdeaky​ w/ Ben Hardy)

“You’re loved and have been loved. You’re one of the lucky ones” - Irreplaceable You

[tony-starkrogers]

I want to be yours

For the anon who asked for Steve rescuing Tony from an unwanted admirer. I added a side of fake dating and non-powered college au. This comes in at around 3k. I hope you enjoy!

Read it on ao3 here.

—

Steven Grant Rogers get your perfect ass over here right the fuck now

Steve winced as he read the text - Tony Stark had many nicknames for him, but he always knew that whenever he used Steve’s full name, there was bound to be trouble.

On my way now, Steve texted back, juggling his portfolio and art supplies so that he could respond. Class just let out. Why are you early?

Pepper and Nat, Tony replied instantly, which explained the desperation.

Steve’s best friend Natasha and Tony’s best friend Pepper had just started officially dating after being on and off for months, and they were deep in that nauseatingly happy honeymoon stage.

They were also constantly trying to get Steve and Tony dates, and their attempts were always met with little success. In Steve’s case, this might have something to do with the fact that Steve had been in love with Tony for years.

In Tony’s case… well, Steve knew that it couldn’t be the same for him. The two of them had gotten off to a rough start, but they’d been friends for years. More than that, they were best friends. They were the one person the other could always rely on, they knew each other on a soul-deep level… and in all that time, Tony had never given any hint that he wanted something more.

So Tony couldn’t feel anything more than friendship for him. If he did, surely Steve, his best friend in the world, would know it?

Of course, none of this meant that Steve was going anywhere. Steve would always be there when Tony needed him and that wasn’t about to change any time soon.

Be there soon, Steve texted as he got in a cab. Don’t let them get you anything with vodka in it.

Too late, Tony responded, and Steve repressed a sigh. He could feel a headache coming on already.

When he finally got there, he expected to find Tony at the center of attention, fending off his many admirers with the tired sort of competence that experience brings. Instead, he was surprised to see Tony sitting alone at a barstool, looking somewhere between confused and terrified. When his gaze landed on Steve, Tony’s face lit up and he jumped up to meet him.

“Thank goodness you’re here,” Tony said, still shooting terrified looks around the club. “It’s Pepper and Nat, they brought us to a gay club, can you believe it?”

Steve glanced around, and sure enough, he spotted the two women dancing together in the middle of the crowd by the stage.

“Do you want to leave?” Steve asked, because Tony looked so out of his depth and almost scared, as though he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“What?” Tony said, frowning at him. “Are you kidding me? They clearly threw down a gauntlet, I’m not backing down. Now I just need you to be my boyfriend for the night and we’ll rock this thing, okay?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Steve asked. “You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend?”

“Yeah, so these guys won’t keep hitting on me all night, of course,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “I mean, if you don’t want to, we can always go home and watch a movie like we do every night…”

“No!” Steve blurted at once.

He knew full well that this was a terrible idea, because Steve Rogers was in love with Tony Stark. He thought he had been doing a pretty good job of keeping his feelings to himself, but if they did this, and if they did this right, Tony was sure to find him out, and Steve couldn’t bear the thought of losing him when he did.

But Steve had wanted this for so long, it was hard to resist temptation when the opportunity arose. Here was a chance to find out what it would be like to be Tony’s boyfriend… Steve couldn’t refuse it if he tried.

“I’ll do it,” Steve says.

Tony’s answering smile lit up his whole face, and he grabbed Steve’s hand and pulled him close. “You won’t regret it,” Tony said.

Steve could only hope that he was right.

***

It was both better and worse than Tony had imagined it could be, being Steve’s boyfriend.

It was better because it was everything he had ever wanted, and now it was actually happening. Tony played the part of the solicitous boyfriend, fixing Steve’s hair and straightening his collar and keeping an arm around his waist to hold him close. It was easy, finally letting himself do all the things he had wanted to do for years.

At the same time, it was also worse than Tony had imagined, because none of this was real. Steve was a terrible actor, stammering and blushing and generally making a complete fool of himself whenever Tony so much as looked at him.

Steve didn’t want to be doing this, that much was clear. If Steve looked this terrified when they were just pretending… there was no way Steve would ever want to be Tony’s boyfriend for real. All Tony could do was swallow down his disappointment and take this time as the gift it was.

“This ok?” he asked under the guise of pressing kisses to Steve’s jaw. His lips brushed Steve’s skin, and Steve startled, all but jumping away from Tony as he gave him a wide-eyed stare.”I can back off if you’re uncomfortable,” Tony offered softly.

“No!” Steve said at once. “No, this is fine. Great, even. Very… very convincing.”

“Okay…” Tony said with a frown, because Steve still kept shooting him more of those nervous, deer in the headlights looks when he thought Tony wasn’t looking. “And that’s a problem because..:” Tony prompted, because something was bothering Steve.

“It’s not a problem, really,” Steve insisted. “It’s just…” he gave Tony another look, gnawing at his lower lip with worry as he considered, and Tony tried to ignore the way his entire body responded to the sight.

“Are you sure you’re not uncomfortable?” Steve asked finally, his eyes on Tony’s face. “I mean, I know I’m not the sort you usually go for…”

“Damn right you’re not,” Tony said fiercely. “You’re better than any of them, Steve, you’re so much better. You don’t see yourself clearly at all, you know?”

Steve flushed and looked away at the praise, and Tony elbowed him in the ribs with a grin. “Besides, you’re gorgeous, Steve,” he said. “Anyone would be lucky to be with you. Including me.”

He forced himself to meet Steve’s gaze, and Steve’s eyes were warm and soft. Tony almost thought he saw a hint of something more in Steve’s gaze… but he was kidding himself, he had to be.

Tony swallowed and looked away, bracing himself for the rejection he knew had to be coming. Instead, he startled when Steve’s hand curled around his, their fingers twining together like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Tony couldn’t help staring. His mouth suddenly felt sandpaper dry and his skin was clammy with nerves, because Steve Rogers was holding his hand. Steve heard what he said, and he had to understand the implication behind the words… and yet, he wasn’t ignoring it and he wasn’t outright rejecting it. That had to mean something… right?

As Tony stared, Steve smiled at him. “Let’s dance,” he said.

“...Sorry, what?” Tony asked, because he thought Steve just said…

“Dancing,” Steve said, tugging him towards the dance floor. “A thing commonly done in clubs. I mean, we are here, so we might as well…”

“Sure!” Tony said numbly, his brain still tripping over the fact that Steve was holding his hand, and Steve was smiling at him like he wanted to be here with Tony and no one else. Tony never wanted this to end, because this was all he had ever wanted.

“Dancing,” Tony said, all but mesmerized by Steve’s ridiculously blue eyes. “I can do that.”

He let the music wash over him, and resigned himself to his fate, because Tony Stark was in love with Steve Rogers, and that wasn’t about to change any time soon.

***

Steve was on cloud nine. He was finally dancing with Tony, something he’d always dreamed of but never had the guts to actually do.

The music was thundering loud in his ears, the bass pounding through his body as the strobe lights flickered overhead. He kept getting lost in the closeness of it: the endless press of bodies against his own, the taste of sweat and desire on his tongue.

And then there was Tony. The crush of people was so close that they were dancing practically chest to chest, so close that Steve could feel the heat of Tony’s body against his own.

Tony clearly knew what he was doing: his hips were swaying in time with the music, his eyes dark as he looked up at Steve through his lashes.

Steve’s feet stuttered, he couldn’t help it, because Tony was right there. Steve’s mouth went dry as his eyes traced the lines of Tony’s body. His slender legs were clad in dark jeans that cinched tight on his slim hips, his chest pressed up against Steve’s own, his thin band tee shirt sticky with sweat. The line of his clavicle caught Steve’s eye, and he couldn’t help thinking how nice it would be to drag his lips along it, to lick at the sweat pooling above Tony’s upper lip, to run his fingers through Tony’s curling hair like he’d wanted to for years. It would be so easy… but no. They’d come here as friends, Steve couldn’t take advantage of that.

His face flushing, Steve jerked his gaze back to find Tony’s eyes locked to his, and they were warm and soft and far too knowing.

“You okay?” Tony asked.

Steve cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he said, his breath catching as someone stumbled into him. “Just… haven’t done this much.”

Tony smiled. “Relax, you’re doing fine,” he said. “See, like this.”

And then his hands were on Steve’s hips, bringing them even closer as he guided Steve’s hips in time with his.

“See?” Tony said, “it’s simple. Easy.”

Simple, Steve thought as he stared into Tony’s warm brown eyes. Simple, like the feelings he had for Tony that he couldn’t seem to ignore any longer, except there was nothing simple about that. Easy, like it would be to kiss Tony right this second, except there was nothing easy about the aftermath. Easy, like being Tony’s friend was easy, and Steve knew that he couldn’t screw that up, no matter what.

“Yeah,” he said numbly instead. “Easy.”

Tony smiled and opened his mouth, but then someone slid in beside them.

“Tony,” the newcomer said. “Fancy seeing you here. Mind if I cut in?”

Tony froze against him, his eyes flicking briefly to Steve’s, wide and horrified.

“Tiberius,” Tony said.

***

“Aw, come on jelly bean,” Ty said. “Is that any way to treat an old friend?”

He clapped Tony on the shoulder and Tony repressed a shudder. Ty was just as dark and slimy as ever, even more so now that Tony really knew him for what he was.

“I wouldn’t call you that,” Tony hedged, and Ty just smiled.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” he said. He turned to Steve, his lips curled in a smirk. “I don’t know what exactly you are to Tony here, but I used to be his not-boyfriend, his clandestine lover, his dirty secret.” He held out a hand, and Steve looked at it with disgust. Ty’s lips twitched and he put his hand down. “Tiberius Stone, at your service,” he said.

“Steve Rogers,” Steve replied, his face still stormy, his eyes more dangerous than Tony had ever seen them. “I won’t be needing any of your… services.”

Ty burst out laughing, his hand heavy as he slapped Tony’s shoulder. “Where’d you find this guy?” he asked, and Tony slid out from his grip as he doubled over with laughter.

Tony glanced over at Steve, and his stomach dropped as he read the mingled horror and pity and disgust on Steve’s face. He could deal with a lot in life, but if he ever lost Steve’s good opinion… Tony didn’t think he could stand it.

Tony looked back at Steve, certain he could see the pleading desperation on his face. Steve gave him a minute nod in response, sliding his arm around Tony’s waist and pulling him close.

“I happen to be his boyfriend,” Steve said, and Ty looked between them in shock. “And I don’t take kindly to people trying to intimidate him. If you’re smart, you’ll leave us alone.”

Faced by the imposing image of Steve’s flexing muscles, Ty backed away as much as he could, his hands up. “Okay, geez man,” he said, looking at Tony with his eyebrows raised. “If you want me to go, I’ll go. You know where to find me when he gets tired of you.”

With a mock salute, he slipped back into the crowd and disappeared from view. Tony breathed a sigh of relief and sagged against Steve, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder.

“Fuck,” Tony said, taking a deep breath. “Okay, he’s gone.” He looked up at Steve, startling as Steve didn’t pull away but instead pulled him in, his arms going around his waist to hold him close.

“I am so sorry you had to see that,” Tony whispered, low and mortified, but Steve just slid a comforting hand up his back and turned his face into Tony’s hair.

“Shhh,” Steve told him softly. As they swayed together, the music changed. It was slow and sweet, and Tony couldn’t help melting against Steve, letting the tension out of his body.

“Let’s just dance,” Steve said. “It’s just you and me, Tony. We’re okay.”

***

As they continued to sway back and forth, Steve marveled at how it felt to hold Tony in his arms. It seemed that every line of Tony’s body was pressed up against every line of his, and he knew it was cliche, but they fit together like puzzle pieces. Tony fit perfectly in the circle of Steve’s arms, his head resting just beneath his chin.

He was warm and trusting and oh so close… and yet he had never seemed so far away. How could Steve ever deserve to really be with him… how could he be enough for the man who deserved every good thing the world had to offer? But if by some miracle Tony ever did pick him… Steve knew that he would try.

The song that was playing seemed to be made for how Steve was feeling at this moment: it was full of longing and desire, as the words “I want to be yours” repeated again and again. With his arms around Tony, holding him close and yet still feeling it was nowhere close enough, Steve thought he knew the feeling.

The music swelled and Tony looked up at him, his eyes luminous and shining as the lights swept above them. Steve felt “I want to be yours” pounding through his veins, and thought he saw the same desire reflected in Tony’s eyes.

It would be so easy - they could lean in and lose themselves in each other, hands and lips and tongue. It would be so easy… but Steve didn’t want easy. He wanted more.

So he pulled away, as hard at it was. “You want to get out of here?” he asked.

“God yes,” Tony replied.

“I’m sorry about Ty,” Tony said once they were outside, heading back in the direction of their dorms. “He was from a part of my life that I’m not proud of. I did a lot of stupid things back then.”

“Tony,” Steve told him softly, “I don’t need an explanation.”

He watched as Tony sighed, giving Steve an almost wistful look. “I know, Steve,” he said. “I know that. But the thing is… I want to tell you. You’re the person I want to talk to about… anything. Everything.” He groaned in frustration. “I’m sorry, I’m not explaining this well at all.”

Steve smiled. He felt like his entire body was on fire with anticipation. He thought he knew what Tony was trying to say and if he was right…

“I think you’re saying that you want someone to dance with, but also someone to talk with,” Steve said.

Tony smiled back at him, soft and hopeful. “Not just someone,” he said. “You, actually. I mean, if you want?”

“That’s what tonight was about!” Steve gasped. “You planned this, didn’t you?”

“The club was not, in fact, my idea,” Tony hedged. “But the rest… I wanted to see what it was like, I guess. Being your boyfriend. If you were always like you were with those blind dates Nat set you up on.”

The blind dates were awkward and horrible and half the time the date ended after dinner and Steve never heard from them again. None of them had ever made him feel sick with worry when they were in danger, he didn’t fondly remember their every quirk, he didn’t do idiotic things just to make them happy. He figured he could assume that he didn’t act with them like the way he acted with Tony, not even close.

“And what did you discover?” Steve asked.

“It was nice,” Tony said. “I knew it would be. It was like we always were, but… more. Steve, I liked it, I liked all of it. The hand-holding, the dancing…”

“The flirting, the pet names?” Steve suggested. “I liked it too. Tony… if you knew how long I’ve wanted this…”

Tony smiled, his eyes bright. “Steve, are you saying…”

“Yes, Tony,” Steve said, a smile breaking free. “I would like to be your boyfriend. I want to hold your hand and flirt with you and go dancing with you and be the one you want to talk to. I’ve wanted it for a long time.”

“Shit, Steve,” Tony said. He was smiling like he couldn’t stop, his eyes bright as he kept sneaking sideways looks at Steve.

They were back at their dorms by then, the moon shining high above them. They went up the stairs and piled into the elevator, both smiling at each other quietly. When the elevator slid open, they headed down the hallway, their hands finding each other once more.

When they reached their rooms, Steve turned to Tony with a smile. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. “You want to have breakfast with me?”

Tony looked back at him, his thumb tentatively stroking at Steve’s hand where their fingers were still twined together. “I think we could make something good, together,” he said, and Steve knew that he wasn’t just talking about the breakfast. “You’re not the only one who’s been thinking about this for a long time,” Tony told him, and Steve couldn’t resist.

He held Tony’s hand tighter and bent to gently cup Tony’s face with his other hand. Their lips met, and Tony sighed against him. The kiss was soft and tender, full of promise and the hope of better things to come. When they broke apart, Steve brushed Tony’s unruly curls back from his forehead and Tony smiled, his eyes shining.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Tony said.

“Tomorrow,” Steve agreed, and he let Tony go, knowing that they would have a lot more time to look forward to - together.

***

F I N

***