#but also I finished my water before I fell asleep and am so thirsty but I can’t get up lest I disturb her ya know

[overturetoanadventure]

Finally am back home and meenie beenie wouldn’t come near me at first but I felt her hop onto bed and settle into the little four I always end up sleeping in and is all cozy n grooming herself rn I’m so happyyyyyy

[sturniololoco]

Shy

Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4

Sturniolo Little Sister (SLS) x The Sturniolo Triplets

SLS x Nathan Doe

Warnings: kissing, language, etc. Pure fluff!

SLS/N's POV

I woke up in Matt's bed, alone, unlike last night when I fell asleep with him watching a movie. I fell asleep in a pair of Chris's boxers and one of Nick's hoodies, looking like a train wreck. I throw my hair in a messy bun and then check the time.

11:15 am. Damn, I slept in.

Yawing, I quickly stood up and made my way to the kitchen. I heard my brother's voices coming from the couch as I walked in.

Only it wasn't just my brothers.

Sitting on the couch were Nick, Matt, Chris, and Nathan, who I completely forgot flew in from Boston this morning. He gave me a small smile as I met his eye.

They all turned and stared at me. I immediately felt my face turn red as I looked down at my feet awkwardly.

"Oh good! Sleepy head his up." Nick said. I gave a fake little laugh as I backed out of the room, mumbling something about getting ready. Once I rounded the corner, I sprinted to my room.

I cannot believe I just walked into a room with Nathan Doe, looking like absolute shit.

-

I changed into some cargo jeans and a crew neck, I also curled my hair and added some light makeup to my face. I was desperately trying to revive my first interaction with Nate.

I walked downstairs again, trying a new technique, rather than boxers and a baggy sweatshirt.

When I got downstairs, everyone was still on the couch, but now they had bagels. I grabbed one and sat next to Chris, who just so happened to be a couch cushion away from Nate.

"Well didn't someone dress up all fancy? Big difference compared to Matty's boxers." Chris said, nudging me in my side. I punched him lightly in the shoulder, giggling as my face turned red again. Nate laughed with us, meeting my eye again.

"So, what should we do today?" Nick asked the group, all of us finishing the last of our bagels.

"Top Golf?" Matt suggested. We all nodded in agreement.

"Sounds good to me!" Nate said cheerfully. He stood up to throw his plate away, but as he passed me, he said,

"Lemme get that for you." As he took my plate for me. I smiled at him for a split second before looking away and mumbling thanks, my cheeks feeling hot.

-

As the smallest, I usually sit in the middle back whenever we have company riding in the car with us. Only this time, I was squished between Nick and Nate, our legs constantly touching.

I felt the butterflies rise in my stomach with every little movement, my heartbeat quickening its pace.

But we soon arrived at top golf, our legs separating as we got out of the car.

-

About halfway through a basket of donut holes later, it was my turn to swing again. I placed my ball on the T and swung, barely missing the little red one. My brothers have always been better at gold than me.

"Oh, that was so close SLS/n! But here, try more like this next time." Nate said, walking towards me.

He wrapped his arms around me, grabbing my hands and helping me swing. He was talking, but I wasn't comprehending. The only thing I could think of was how close we were.

"...Got it, SLS/N?" Nate finished.

"I-Um... yeah, thanks," I said, quickly averting my eyes from his perfect smile. He stayed up at a matt since it was his turn, while I bolted to sit next to Nick. I could feel the heat all over my face.

"Someone blushing again," Nick said, nudging my shoulder. I gave him a Please don't say a word look and he just chuckled and then stood up, going to take his turn. But to my surprise, his seat was filled by Nate moments later.

And the cycle continued.

-

It was late. 1:04 am to be exact.

Everyone came home exhausted from our day of fun, showered, and then hit the hay. Except for me.

I woke up thirsty, so I walked down to the kitchen, turned on the overhead lights, then filled a cup with water.

As I was taking small sips of my water and scrolling through my notifications on my phone, I saw someone's hands being placed on the counter on both sides of me.

I quickly spun around, almost spilling my water and dropping my phone in the process, and came face to face with Nate.

I let out a breathy laugh, saying,

"Holy shit, you scared the fuck outta me!" He laughed lightly, giving me a lazy smile, his arms still on either side of me, trapping me.

Butterflies.

Our noses were only centimeters apart, and Nate was only leaning in closer.

God, I hope I don't have morning breath, I thought as he gently laid his lips against mine. He smelled amazing and tasted even better.

After a couple of seconds, he started to move his lips along mine, deepening the kiss. Just when I was starting to get the hang of it, he pulled away.

My face got hot and turned beet red as I rested my forehead on his chest, hiding my face.

"No, no, none of that. Don't get all shy on me baby." he said, laughing lightly as he used his index finger and thumb to lift my chin. I looked into his eyes, and just as I thought he was about to kiss me again, he backed up, moving his arms.

"You should go back to bed, you need rest." He then reached behind me and grabbed my water glass, taking a sip, and then handed it to me. I took it, staring at him dumbfounded as he walked back to Chris’s room.

Shortly after, I did the same. But as soon as I laid down, my phone buzzed.

It was a text from Nick.

I fucking knew it.

-

Pt. 2????????

Lemme know!

[panjakes]

Housing

Parings: Killer!NamjoonxBlackreader

Summary: There’s a killer on the loose. You housed him without knowing who he was

You were awoken up by heavy pounding on your door. You groan going to the door ready to cuss who ever it was. How the hell was at your door at 2:28 in the morning?! You had to work in the morning

You swing the door open ready to let out a stream of cuss words but stopped when your eyes fell onto a bloody man

“Miss…p-please. Help me” he says before collapsing

“Sir? Sir?” You ask in confusion

When he didn’t reply you knew he was unconscious. You grab him from under his arms and drag him into your house. Closing the door you run to your medicine cabinet to get the first aid kit.

After cleaning his wounds you step back looking at him.

“What the hell happened to him?” You whisper. You were conflicted. You didn’t know if you should call the police or leave him be. You decided to leave him be. For now. While waiting for him to wake up you fell asleep

“Miss…Miss are you awake” the man asks tapping you causing you to jump out of your seat

“I am now” you say

“Did you patch me up?” He asks

“Well seeing as we’re the only people here and seeing as you were unconscious I would assume it was me” you said sarcastically

“My apologies, thank you” he says making you nod

“If you don’t mind me-“

“I do mind” he says quickly. Red flag

“Okay…are you hungry? Thirsty?” You ask

“Both actually” he says

“Okay follow me” you say leading him to the kitchen

You go into the fridge pulling out a Gatorade, a jug of water, and the left over chicken Alfredo and broccoli. You put some on a plate and into the microwave.

“Where are your cups?” He asks

“Up in this cabinet” you point above your head. You expected him to wait for you to move out the way before he got the cup but he didn’t

You jump and gasp when he placed his hand on your waist stands behind you reaching for a cup. He grabs the cup walking over to the other side of the counter to pour the water into the cup.

The beeping of the microwave shook you out of your thoughts. There was something…off about this man. His vibe was weird.

You take the plate out the microwave before handing it to him. He thanks you before digging in. He ate as if he hadn’t a home cook meal in months.

You figured he’d want to wash up at some point so you went into your brothers room grabbing clothes for him. Once you gathered the clothes and come out he was already done

“Finish?“ you ask

“Yes I am, thank you” he says drinking from the cup

“No problem” you say

“I know you just patched me up but Do you mind if I clean up?” He asks. You hand him the clothes with a small smile

“Already ahead of you, bathrooms down the hall to the left” you say. He looks down at the pile of clothes then you with a raised brow

“Boyfriend?” He asks

“No…little brother” you say

“Ah okay. I just…didn’t want to be disrespectful if yo were in a relationship

“Oh I appreciate it. No worries though” you say

“Thank you, again” he says walking down the hall.

You let out a sigh of relief. The air was tense. You sit down on the couch turning the tv on then you noticed you didn’t have your phone. You go into your bedroom grabbing it.

Going back to the couch you bounce between your socials barely listening to the news that played in the background. That’s when a message popped up on your phone

78204

Serial killer, Kim Namjoon has escaped from jail. He’s 5’11, brown eyes, black hair. He is also injured. If he comes to your door do not open it or let him in. Call the police immediately.

You scroll down opening the picture. Your moth went dry. Kim Namjoon, the serial killer is in your home. Right now. You let a serial killer into your home.

You immediately call the police.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“Yes. The serial killer Kim Namjoon is in my house” you whisper into the phone looking back to make sure he was still in the bathroom

“Okay what is your address?”

“92739 oakshire road” you mumble back

“Okay I’m sending police units now. how did he get in?”

“I-I let him in” you say feeling so stupid

“Why did you let him in?”

“I didn’t know who he was. I thought he was a random injured man. I didn’t know who he was until I saw the text message the department sent out”

“It’s okay ma’am you didn’t know. Where is he now?”

“The shower” you say

“Okay. I want you to continue to act as if you don’t know his identity. Continue to treat him with good hospitality okay ma’am can you do that?”

“Yes”

That’s when you heard the shower turn off

“He’s done.” You say with fear in your voice

“Okay, stay with me. I want you to put the phone face down on the table. Don’t interact with the phone okay?”

“Okay” you say before doing as the operator said. Soon enough Namjoon was walking back into the room

“thank you for allowing me to shower” he says

“Your welcome” you say nodding

“And feeding me. You didn’t have to do the things you did.” He says

“It’s okay. Really” you say standing from the couch

“If you don’t mind, could I sleep on your couch? I’ll leave in the morning” he says walking over to you

“Uh yeah of course” you say nodding

“How can I repay you?” He asks walking closer to you

“Uh no payment at all” you say ready to retreat from the room

“Please, allow me to” he says walking closer to you. He grabs your wrist pulling you closer to him, closing in on the space between you and him

“I-I” you say lost for words

“I don’t believe you when you say, you don’t have a man. A women as nice and beautiful as yourself should be spoken for” he says placing a hand under your chin tilting it up

“I-I Uh, thank you?” You say confusedly

“Please, what is your name?” He asks

“A-Aliyah” you say making him smirk

“It fits you. Aliyah can I kiss you?” He asks

Before you could accept or deny l, he leans in planting his lips on yours in a small cute peck.

Your lips start to quiver and tears start to well

“Serial killer, Kim Namjoon has escaped from prison. Police say he is injured but he is still dangerous.” The news reporter on the tv says 

Namjoon tilts his head over to the tv seeing his picture on the screen. He starts to side eye as he hears sirens.

“If you come across this man do not approach him or allow him into your home. Call the police immediately”

He looks over at you as your body shook in fear. His lips form into a smirk as he darkly chuckles

“Well, isn’t that something” he says still chuckling

You start backing up and away from him

“I wouldn’t do nothing anything if I were you” you say

“I had no intentions on doing anything to Aliyah. My plans were suppose to sleep off these injuries and be on my way in the morning, but you now know who I am.” He says

“You better leave Namjoon. The police aren’t far. Leave while you still can” you say

He chuckles before he attacks you. He grabs you by the neck pulling you into his chest.

“I liked you Aliyah, I really did. Sorry it ended like this” he says

You scream elbowing him in the stomach. When he double over you kicked him in the side. He falls to the ground and you took it as a chance to grab the vase and smash it on his head.

He groans falling back to the ground. You grab another vase smashing it on his head again. This time he falls unconscious. You sigh as the sirens got louder and louder

You back up towards the door. Keeping an eye on the man never turning your back to him. When you finally got to the door you quickly opened it and went outside

Soon after the police came.

“Hands up! Where Kim Namjoon?!”

“In the house”

“Are you the one who placed the call?”

“Yes.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No. Im fine just please. Get him out my house” you say going to sit on the curb.

[ecrivainsolitaire]

Zoloft day 17

Today some drunk neighbours were smoking under my balcony and before I could tell them to gtfo I had a mini freakout about their potential reaction. Bad sign. Up until now I've been absolutely shameless since I started taking the pills. I even flirted with a friend's sister who was coming onto me at her graduation the other day, in front of their parents, which used to be a legendary mode challenge level for me. The incident this morning made me question if the effects are wearing out, though until I have more tangible proof I'll attribute it to missed sleep. I've also been getting a bit hungrier, which may have to do with the fact that I had a couple days where I absolutely broke my diet so my stomach may have expanded back to original size. I'll try to see if it's a reversible outcome.

My libido is slowly coming back. Very slowly. Glacially slowly. Tectonic plates level slowly. But it is coming back, which is a relief. In a couple weeks I should probably be able to finish again. Initially I thought it was happening at the times where the pill had already worn out for the day, since it's been happening in the middle of my sleep around 3am, but today I fell asleep in the afternoon and it happened again. That also could be the pills losing their effectiveness, but I choose to remain optimistic. I'm no longer worried I'm being targeted by some sort of dramatic irony based vendetta from a greek god who decided to take away from me the two things that helped with my panic attacks before the sertraline: that and weed. I may eventually go back to normal without having to quit the pill. I've never been one for patience, but time will tell.

I am so thirsty all the time. Not that kind of thirsty, actually dehydrated. I already live in an incredibly hot place so it's quite annoying having to always be seeking water especially in places it's not as available and I have to rely on sugary drinks. I may have to start carrying a water bottle around.

I'm considering piercing my ears. I mean, I was already considering it but now I think I could do it without going catatonic due to my fear of needles or how my uber Christian family may react to their amab son queering it up a notch. They'd have a heart attack if they heard I went to pride last year and plan to go back this year. But I don't care that much now.

I keep fighting with my uncle about meaningless nonsense but I no longer take his conspiracy theories as an existential threat. We actually had a somewhat civilised discussion yesterday. Even my grandma noticed the air was lighter around us.

Since my whole family is on a low fat diet due to medical reasons I've been forced to cook less fatty meals lately, which has given me some perspective on just how much oil and lard I usually consume and how bad my stomach feels after. That feeling used to be relief from the anxiety, like adding it to my stomach somehow made me feel out of danger, but now it just hurts. I really gotta cut down on the oils and stuff.

I notice whenever I see someone online or in person say something really dumb I get cynical and mean about it. I don't like the feeling. I shouldn't be so judgemental of those around me, I just don't know how to change it yet. I already knew this to some extent but I used it as a defence mechanism from things that no longer feel threatening. I need to stop that.

Going online to look at memes and social media is no longer as fun or rewarding as it used to. By contrast, I have an increased capacity to sit through a TV show or movie for extended periods, which in the last few years I could only do with my favourites, like the MCU. The other day I saw a nearly three hour long samurai movie and although it was in two sittings and it's not usually my favourite genre I didn't get bored out of it and quit. It seems like my brain now rewards longer forms of entertainment that are more engaging instead of quick dopamine bursts. I might try to read again.

I'm working on a secret project that involves learning to code, and with some help from ChatGPT I've done more progress this morning than the last couple months I've been thinking about it. Having such a powerful learning tool essentially act as my project manager and code tutor keeps me motivated to continue. I estimate it'll take about a year to complete but I'm more confident now about my ability to keep working on a project for longer. I wish Tumblr stopped having a moral panic about AI and started to see it as the tool that it is; there's a lot of misconceptions about what it can and can't do, and most of it is to blame on OpenAI's marketing team. When you're using it to supplement your original ideas instead of trying to plagiarize it can actually do miracles. But thankfully I feel less and less interested in getting into fights about it. Eventually they'll have to come around, it was the same when smartphones came out and everyone was freaking out about omnipresent internet connection.

Overall, I feel mostly at peace. Life isn't perfect by any means, but it's bearable now. once my body fully adapts to the pills, I'll hopefully be doing a lot better. Even despite the extremely frustrating side effects, this is one of the best decisions I've ever made. I only wish I'd done it sooner.

Also, because of my project, I spent all morning writing. I can write again. I should get back to my children's book I stopped writing because all the characters were depressed and miserable. Perhaps this time I'll be able to finish it.

[abnormalbubblegumman]

About Alcoholism and My Moral Failings

(Written in late november, Thankfully none of the things described in the end happened)

Have you heard about alcoholism? The answer is very simple. YES, you have fucking heard about alcoholism. It’s one of the most affecting diseases in the world right now.Do you know that 65 million Americans report binge-drinking every single month?? exactly, 65 MILLION, that’s an absolutely bonkers number, and it’s all true. I live in Brazil, land of palms, or the cooler “giant of the south” (a term created by no one else than me, and said only to myself, and if you said that before me you’re lying and you’re going to hell). And in this country 2 million people suffer from alcoholism. It’s also a problem I have.

Now my family likes to say. “Ricardo, that’s bullshit, you’re not an alcoholic, of course you may become one, but that doesn’t make you an alcoholic”, i say BULLSHIT, i am an alcoholic. I love drinking, I would drink every day if I could. But I can't, and it’s ruining me. I already have a bad liver, and now I drink. If you think i’m going past 60 i can say you’re delusional.

So anyway, in my last drunk adventures, or more fitting, drunk pathetic existence, so, this wednesday (23), i decided that i wanted to drink, so i bought 2 corotes (small bottles of cheap cachaça) and a cheap soda to water it down. I decided to drink at night, because y’know, it’s cool to drink at night. The night went on and I drank 1 corote. After a while, talking to my mother and my new stepfather, I realized that I wasn't very drunk. So you know what I decided to do??, drink the OTHER corote. I mean, it’s my drink and the sooner I can't get away from this mess,the better.

So i drank it. It was raining and it was leaking water inside my dark room from the optical fiber cable hole in my ceiling. I talked to some foreign dudes on omegle, realized that americans are talkative, british people are assholes, and that 99% of people on omegle just want to see boobs. I talked, watched some things I can't name on tumblr. Then like it happens all the time, I accidentally laid down in my bed and fell asleep. Woke up at 5am with my window open. Closed it and went to sleep for real, forgetting that there was a small plastic bottle of booze in my computer table. That was my doom.

I Woke up at 12am, with the absolute worst hangover I had ever had in my life. I struggled for almost 1 hour to get up from bed. When I finally get up, I decide to drink a bottle of water, because I'm thirsty and this hangover is starting to feel like a stroke. I finished my sip, and saw the worst view I could see that day. I saw the bottle of cachaça. In the middle of the room.

Since that day, I think my life is ruined, my mom is pissed at me, and doesn’t want to talk to me about it, since she wants to have a “sober, calm” conversation that I know will never happen. She still hasn’t called my father, but when she does, my relationship with him will be forever tarnished and I don't think I can look at him anymore. I woke up very depressed and cried for half of the day. I’m mentally exhausted and honestly I just want to die. I’m thinking about getting a full time job at some supermarket or industry, just so i can’t look at these people again and can finally disappear from life.

My life was finally starting to look bright, and now everything is going to shit because of 2 bottles of booze, this is the worst thing that could happen to me, sometimes i ask to myself, “and i’m sad because i regret it, or am i’m sad because i got caught”, well, i don’t know, but i’m know that i’m sad.

Unfortunately i have no more time, so the lesson of the story is, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, it’s going to fuck your life completely, directly or indirectly. My name is Ricardo dos Santos, and I hope you enjoy the first fortnightly recommendation review week. Thank you, and have fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7IQ9dpxxJY

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n tommy jack tubbo and george

requested yes/no

part 5 of the great adventures series

summary: training for the military

warning: cursing

AN: really sorry about this tumblr won’t let me change/add paragraphs so could look very weird

the journey there was quick for you, you spent the trip asleep in the back of the car whilst the others were discussing what you were all about to do “How difficult do you think it’s going to be” “dude it’s a military assault course” you woke up halfway there to the noise of the radio playing “afternoon y/n”“afternoon sorry I fell asleep I’m not used to being woken up early in the morning, I blame you guys and ranboo”“y/n have you ever wanted to join the military” “I can't say I have no” “well you’re going to love what we’re doing” “what are we doing” “you’ll see!”

you stood picking up more rocks and handing them to tubbo whilst Tommy and George began to film the introduction to the vlog “were in the jungle” confused you turned to tubbo “psst tubbo what the fuck are we doing, why are we in a woods” before tubbo had time to answer Tommy already began to answer your question telling you that you’re all training for the military, not taking him seriously you started laughing as you all were walking it was only when you were handed a jumpsuit to cover your clothes you realised it wasn’t a joke, you would be lying if you said you were ready for this, after all, you spent your free time playing Minecraft you wasn’t exactly great at sports

you managed to put the jumpsuit on pretty quickly unlike Tommy who was quite clearly struggling to get it on over his trainers “come on sergeant simons were doing a military assault course and you’re struggling to put on the clothes”after struggling to put clothes on the five of you stood together getting photos whilst you all looked decent “me and my boys in the jungle” “This isn’t going to go well” “we’re going to destroy it” “NO”

you hadn’t even reached the course yet and you were already tripping up over rocks and sticks that were on the muddy trail “we’re walking to our deaths..y/n is already falling over” “Hey I didn’t sign up to do exercise” once you finally reached the start of the course you were met with a canon, a dog and a man in a yellow jumper you stood as a team listening to what you were about to do and how you were actually a team of six, you hoped he meant the dog was a team member but no turns out the canon was the sixth member

“We have to take the canon with us” “...and take it apart into six pieces at each obstacle and rebuild it ” you handed your phone to the Russ, not trusting yourself to keep it on you especially since you were already tripping up before reaching the assault course “thank you” “good luck” “huh” you didn’t have time to process what was said as Mr military began counting down from three, the five of you ran to the first obstacle tubbo dragging the canon Tommy climbed over the net first with tubbo following after “What happens if I fall” it was as though you and tubbo had read each other’s mind as you both responded with “you’ll die” “death” you climbed over next with a wheel “reckon I can slide down the net” “that will hurt y/n don’t do- and you’re already doing it” you slid down the net despite George telling you not to do so, it didn’t take too long for the others to get over, you all began reassembling the canon “can we talk about our feelings” “I feel like shit I jumped out of a plane not long ago now I feel like I’m doing PE all over again” “Y/N JUST HELP BUILD THE CANON” “I'M TRYING ODDLY ENOUGH I'M NOT BUILT FOR THE MILITARY”once the canon was built Tommy and tubbo ran off with it “who’s going to tell them we need to test it” once Mr military shouted they ran back “why do we have to do this” “it’s the fucking rules Tommy and life is full of them” “like taxes” “tax fraud” a few seconds later the five of you yelled “bang” neither of you saying it at the same time “it didn’t work” “yes it did now come on”

you all ran towards the next obstacle, a giant wall. you all quickly dismantled the canon, Tommy went over first and began bickering with Mr military about him not being his dad whilst you tubbo and jack struggled to pass over the heaviest part of the canon “lift and lift” “really George? I thought we could just throw it over and hope he catches it” “Please don’t do that” “I am very sorry George but I'm struggling here” you continued your struggling tubbo tried to help Tommy through his words “you’re strong bossman I believe in you” “by the way, you really picked the shortest people to do this” part of the canon landed with a thud “welp hope he’s not dead” you climbed over next again carrying the wheel “he’s not dead guys don’t worry” you laughed as George took his time getting over the wall “I'm poving” “GET OVER THE WALL” you all stood questioning what time you were on completely forgetting that you were supposed to reassemble the canon “This is going to be embarrassing” “you guys could be rebuilding the canon” you could have built and tested the canon quickly however Tommy George and tubbo began telling people to subscribe whilst you built the canon with jack “we’re so good at this” “heh maybe not” you all test-fired the canon and made your way to the next obstacle

you were sent to go over the rope first, this was extremely difficult for you, the rope kept swaying as you walked causing you to lose your balance on multiple occasions “step on the V” “I’m going to fall” you made it over after a couple of minutes, like tubbo you also felt a bit ill, you assumed it was because it was quite hot and a lot was going on “how you feeling y/n” “Honestly, I’m jealous of ranboo, he’s at home living his best life and I’m in the middle of the woods overheating and climbing but no it’s pretty funny watching the others” you laughed as you overheard tubbo talking about how they’re only three obstacles in and how he’s going to die “YOU GOT THIS TUBBO!” Tommy crossed next, like you, he took his time he was then followed by tubbo who was trying to speed run walking over the rope you waited for jack and George cheering them on whilst Tommy was asking around for water and complaining about wearing a gamer hoodie. at this point, everyone seemed unmotivated “3 2 1.. bang”

“oh lovely..tires” tubbo went through first with the heaviest part of the canon “ill help you tubbo” you following behind helping him carry it due to it being stupidly heavily “so how are you tubbo” “AAAAAAAAAAA” “aye me too bud” you and tubbo decided that from now you two were going to work as a pair so it would be easier for you both, over the past few weeks tubbo became one of your closest friends the pair of you even started trending on Twitter as you did an irl stream where you both went on a walk at the beach and met several fans. whilst you and tubbo were making your way through Tommy jack and George we’re trying to figure out who should take what. “there’s piss in this one” “what the fuck?!” the pair of you finally got out from the tires “good job you two” “thank you” you rested your head on tubbos shoulder trying to get your breath back “I don’t think I’m made for the military” a few moments later Tommy made it to the tire full of water and put his finger in it “PEE” “Tommy why-” you stood looking around at the scenery, the sound of Tommy yelling about crawling away from George and that he’s ‘touched the piss’ was enough the drag you away from your own thoughts, you watched the others struggling to get through the tires and was amazed at the fact tubbo went back in to help them. you tried to ignore Tommy and George being dramatic as you tried to figure out how many more obstacles you had to go but you got distracted by George “ill just eat you if you die” “Mr military I’d like some help right about now” you walked over to Tommy and helped him get out of the tires “thanks y/n” “welcome” “how you doing bossman you know I pulled through your part...what are you doing that’s George's water” Tommy decided to throw the bottle to you so you could have a drink as he remembered you’d not had a drink since you landed from jumping out of the plane “Thanks, Tommy” “YOU BOTH DRANK GEORGES WATER” “he can drink the piss” “what Tommy said” you laughed as you walked over to where jack was in the tires “ HI JACK” “Jesus christ you scared me, hi y/n” you stood waiting for everyone to finish “I know exactly what the slowest time was” “we’re going for a new record it’s fine” “of being the slowest?” “yeah” “you know what Mr military ill clart you” “you’ll what me” “I’m gonna just go over here” you walked over to where parts of the canon were and got ready to assemble it again whilst George began throwing water over jack and tubbo to bless them then did the same to Tommy, you hid behind a tree thinking he wouldn’t notice you, however, he did and within a minute you too had water poured on you “Thanks, I was thirsty” “oh we know” “The fuck is that supposed to mean” “HELP BUILD THE CANON PLEASE” like last time you all built the canon tested it and ran to the next obstacle

“can we just you know drag the already built canon under there with us” “absolutely not” “I tried” you all disassembled it again and like last time you and tubbo went first crawling under “I don’t want to alarm you all but it is soaking wet in here” “delightful” a few moments later you were both working well “tubbo I’m scared of the dark and it’s pitch black” “you’ve got this bossman we’re almost done” you calmed down quickly until Tommy decided to jump above the pair of you

“SORRY” “TOMMY I SWEAR TO GOD” “YOU DICK” you laughed slightly and tubbo checked up on you “you okay?” “I'm fine if you’re fine” “come on let’s finish this thing” the pair of you continued and finished relatively quickly tubbo got out first “NEVER AGAIN” “Sorry about that buddy” “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU” you helped push part of the canon out so tubbo could easily drag it out he then reached out so you could hold his hand and help pull you out “I've never been so happy to see the light” the pair of you sat on the floor waiting for the others to finish, you both made a bet on who was going to laugh first somehow you won as tubbo laughed at George and jack struggling to crawl through “YOU LAUGHED” “OH SHITTT” Russ came over to you both whilst recording so he could ask about how everything’s going “I’m covered in mud and the jumpsuit is wet, it isn’t a good day for the y/n community it was dark as hell in there “Tommy is a dick and tried to kill me and y/n” “I DIDN'T TRY TO KILL YOU BOTH” “I think he heard us” “WE ALL DID WERE NOT DEAF” “NO, BUT ACCORDING TO INSTAGRAM YOU'RE DEAD” you stared directly into the camera “sometimes it’s like I still hear jack talking to me” George and jack started complaining about how much further the is to go and how it was dirty and Tommy's response about being sorry it doesn’t fit their tory lifestyle made you burst out laughing “YOU LAUGHED” “tubbo my beloved you laughed ages ago you’ve already lost” “But we’re equal now” “no” the pair of you stood bickering to the point you didn’t realise the others had finished the obstacle and were shouting for you to test the canon “Y/N TUBBO WE NEED TO TEST THE CANON” the pair of you ran over “3 2 1 BANG”

“just going to warn you all you see that black cloud over there” “oh yay a storm is coming” you grabbed a wheel and followed behind jack across the wooden bridge “y/n he’s been splintered” “oh no poor George” “these are my gaming fingers” “no gaming for you I guess” “Stop talking about gaming dickheads” you spent a lot of time talking to George and jack whilst crossing over trying not to fall over you all even made a few plans to stream a laugh and the stream ends on jacks channel soon

you were all building the canon again whilst being informed you weren’t even halfway through and already 40 minutes in “high score” “well it’s definitely high” “Y/N??” “coming tubbo hang on my shoelace came undone” after tying your shoelace you grabbed a wheel and caught up to tubbo “if you go over tubbo ill pass it over to you and we can keep doing that” this method worked well for you both tubbo would climb over you would pass the wheel and middle part of the canon then climb over and repeat the process you heard Tommy in the background complaining about the fact he’s wearing jeans and jacks response “Yeah but I’m wearing jeans” “tubbo and y/n are almost done and you’re complaining about jeans” “jean boy pops off” “I'M WEARING JEANS AS WELL QUIT COMPLAINING” “Can we just go home and play smash bros” “Tommy this was your idea I didn’t even get on an option” “Sorry about that y/n but you get to spend time with me and gogy” “lucky me” you weren’t going to lie this was hard work and you were exhausted you felt like you could just fall asleep right where you were stood however tubbo wasn’t going to let that happen “I’m never going on an adventure with Tommy again” “me either” this of course was bullshit and you were both going on another adventure soon you stood watching your friends struggle to get over the obstacles you decided to offer your support and went to help jack and George using a similar method to that you used with tubbo “thanks y/n” “anytime” “y/n you could have helped me, tubbo pulled me over I could have been injured” “very sorry to hear that sergeant simons sucks to suck I guess” you all reassembled the canon tested it and ran to the next obstacle “I hate it here” “there’s a storm on the way” “Thanks, y/n for the input” “welcome George” you all noticed the net luckily you didn’t have to disassemble the canon this very well could be because you were running far behind and a storm was on its way. you watched as the others went through and joked about tubbo losing his shoe and Tommy getting stuck, this obstacle wasn’t made for you either as you kept getting caught on the net “I'VE BEEN CAUGHT AGAIN” jack lifted the net for you again so you could easily crawl through “thank you jack” you all then made it to the next obstacle Tommy crawled on the metal bars with you following after him whilst George used the monkey bars once you all made it across you had to walk across many metal planks used to form a bridge Tommy walked close behind you knowing you were extremely clumsy and didn't want you to fall “irl nettles” “The fuck are you on about Tommy I don’t think you’re following my advice about going outside” you all dissembled the canon as you got to the tires the only difference this time was you needed to climb over them “it’s rather windy” “there’s dirt in my eye” like before you and tubbo used the same method “look at them go” “I LIKE A DA BEE” “I'M SCARED OF BEES” “oh okay” “Why do they keep taking the plank” “I don’t know tubbo just takes it and y/n follows” you both finished rather quickly and neither of you got injured or fell “really good job you two” “thank you Mr military” you stood leaning on tubbo watching George pick up random rocks and put them into his pocket similar to what you had been doing the entire way around the course “I don’t think George or y/n have been outside before they keep picking things up like souvenirs” “Y/N GEORGE HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE RAIN BEFORE” both of you just stared at Tommy making him laugh you helped the others get across the tires and even helped prevent Tommy from falling a couple of times. unfortunately, you ended up twisting your ankle but tried to ignore it not wanting to ruin the vlog for anyone, not that you would have, however it was clear you were in pain as you had started limping. one at a time you all crossed the rope “This is me climbing I am climbing” you cheered everybody on and then it was your turn

unlike the others the rope kept shaking as you walked across mainly because you were scared of falling and in pain all whilst trying to rush, this was clearly your least favourite obstacle of the day “take your time y/n don’t fall” “thank you jack I'm trying my best I promise” once at the end of the rope, Tommy took the wheel off you and helped you get down and pulled you into a quick side hug “you’re doing great let’s go we’re almost done” you knew your friends wouldn’t make you continue if you really didn’t want to however you were nearly finished and was determined to finish. you all reassembled the canon and made your way to the next obstacle

“there’s no way we’re getting through that without twanging a rope” “good luck” you and tubbo made your way through the ropes trying not to hit them, this proved to be a pretty impossible task and you ended up twanging the ropes several times, this mixed with everyone else’s failure to cross without hitting the rope meant you all had to do 20 push-ups, after reassembling the canon twice as you all didn’t do it correctly the first time and testing it you all had to do the push-ups “I’m sure y/n and George only did 3” “sorry bossman”

you all were finally making your way to the last obstacle determined to finish “Big Russ can we go to McDonald's after this” “sure” the five of you cheered and ran the last obstacle quickly disassembling the canon, you led the way over the obstacle tubbo Tommy jack and George following behind you, despite tubbo losing his shoe and George going backwards the five of you quickly completed the obstacle and reassembled and tested the canon running over to the finishing line

you all finally completed it and waited for your result “45 minutes easily” “1 hour 11 minutes and 46 seconds” “no way that’s a world record” “well we tried” the five of you stood telling people to subscribe before ending the recording and making your way back to the car

the car ride back felt a lot longer than the way there. you were all exhausted

“how’s your ankle” “it’s not too bad it’ll probably hurt more tomorrow morning”

“I'm still not over Tommy trying to kill me and tubbo” “I didn’t try to kill you” “sure” the rest of the journey was chaos you all screamed along to the songs on the radio eventually you all got to McDonald's and spent the rest of the night enjoying each other’s company.

taglist

@l0ver0fj0y @c1loudee

[nini-trash-forever]

Jealousy

Luca Changretta x gn (gender neutral) reader

    Luca had convinced you to come with him to a “business meeting”. He tended to get bored during things like this. So why not bring someone that could never bore him? He was meeting with some of the other Italians so that they could talk about their next move. You were finishing up the final touches of your outfit to fit in at the restaurant the meeting would be at. Luca came up behind you and admired your reflection in the mirror.

    “My love,” he said in Italian as he put his arms around you. He couldn’t help but appreciate what you’re wearing. No matter what you wore, he would appreciate it. You could be wearing a burlap sack for all he cared. You started studying Italian about a month ago so you think you know what he said, but you weren’t sure. Therefore, you just smiled at him through the mirror and hoped for the best. “Are you ready to leave?” You nodded and grabbed your coat and walked out the door to go to his car.

    His car pulled up to a local restaurant, Salerno’s. It’s owned by an older couple who came over from Italy a few years ago. You had met the owners, Gabriele and Sofia, a few times and they were sweet people, they minded their own business but would take care of their customers as if they were family. It’s very homely inside and the smell wafts through the air even from the outside. Luca offered his hand to you and led you inside. The delicious smell of freshly baked bread became stronger the farther you went into the restaurant. You stopped and dropped Luca’s hand.

    You softly greeted Sofia with a smile and a hug. During one of your previous visits, she hinted at you being able to call her nonna, but you expressed you weren’t quite at that level yet, but you might be one day. Luca had never held a meeting here before, but did so on your recommendation. This is also his first time here. So, he was clearly shocked to find out you were somewhat close with the owners. Sofia leaned close to your ear and whispered just loud enough for Luca to hear, “Is this him?”

    “Good evening. My name is Luca.” Sofia didn’t react at first, looking him over for what seemed to be the third time. Was she judging if he was good enough for you? You nudged her a little, but she remained silent.

    “Luca, this is Sofia. She and her husband own this restaurant. They treat everyone like family, especially me. So please be good to them.” Sofia smiled and pulled you into a side hug. She also knew that you weren’t good enough at Italian to understand what she was about to say, and she did so with a smile.

    “If I find out that you hurt them or someone they care about, I will rip out your tongue and serve it up as a specialty for dinner service.” Luca’s eyes went wide with the threat, you were oblivious. “I think it’s time for me to lead you to your table, hmm?” You nodded and followed Sofia, taking Luca’s hand in your own, but for some reason his grip was very loose. You were concerned.

    “Baby, what’s wrong?”

    He swallowed thickly before replying, “Nothing. Just thirsty.” You didn’t quite believe him, but ignored it as you approached your table. You turned to Sofia and thanked her. Luca nodded as a thanks and she gave him a death stare but left to attend to the wait staff. That was suspicious.

    “She said something to you, didn’t she?”

    “Yes.”

    “Are you going to tell me what she said?” You both sat down, him at the head of the table closest to the kitchen and you to his left.

    “No.”

    “Smart man,” Sofia said as she walked towards the kitchen. You laughed wholeheartedly at her response. Now it is just a waiting game.

    Slowly, the people filed into the restaurant. As the meeting time got closer, larger groups came in until almost the entire restaurant was full of Luca’s associates. You were surprised at just how many people were there. The wait staff came through to take drink orders and get those passed out with menus so that everyone could order their meals. It seemed like utter chaos to you, but controlled chaos to Sophia. Sophia made sure everyone’s orders were taken without a problem.

    Orders were delivered to the kitchen where Gabriele and the chefs would make sure they were made to standard. You had watched him work the pass once. It was amazing to see his command and grace running the kitchen and his standard of food was one of the many reasons people came back for more. You knew that there would likely be little to no problems with the food tonight even with a packed restaurant. Within twenty minutes, appetizers started coming out of the kitchen to those who ordered them. Luca had raised his eyebrow at your choice of appetizer because most Italian restaurants weren’t able to get it right (at least in his opinion). You gave him a taste of it, though, and he seemed genuinely surprised at how good it is.

    “Wow,” he said, “that’s delicious! I sort of wish I had gotten one for myself.” You smile at his statement.

    “When this is over I can ask Gabriele and Sophia to make some extra for us to take with us. Would you like that?” Luca hummed and nodded his head in response. He gave you a look that let you know he adored you. The last appetizer was delivered and the first part of the meeting started. This consisted of them going over major changes since the last meeting everyone was at. It then went on to making sure everyone was on the same page about minor changes and decisions. Soon you spaced out and thought of the entrées that were being cooked in the kitchen. You had excused yourself to quickly use the restroom and talk to Sophia for a minute. By the time you got back, the food was almost ready to be served. Once it was, everyone in the room looked like they were ready to devour everything on their plates.

    It seemed that everyone enjoyed their meal and dessert was served not too long after. The meeting continued on after and it seemed as though it was never going to end. You’d silently hoped that Luca could see the boredom on your face. He did. He saw the boredom, but there wasn’t much he could do. Everything being discussed was incredibly important. Eventually the meeting came to a close and most of those from the meeting had left. Some stayed behind to get extra food like you and Luca. One man had stated his wife probably wouldn’t let him in the house if he didn’t get something for her as well.

    You drank quite a bit of water throughout the meeting and decided to relieve yourself once again before you left. There was a problem, though. A man who was in the meeting that seemed to be drunk was standing outside the restroom door. He was giving you a look that made you very uncomfortable and was calling you pet names that made it even weirder. This continued to happen until you stood by Luca who was paying for dinner. The strange man still did not catch on to who you were with as he said a certain phrase very loudly that you would never forget, “Hey, sweetheart! How much is he payin’ for ‘ye? I’ll double it. I could treat ‘ye real nice.” With Sophia and Luca right there, you knew something would happen but you pretended to ignore him. You gave them each a look for them to ignore what he was saying in hopes he would just go away. Eventually he did, grumbling how he didn’t think you were that good looking anyway. Luca’s jaw was clenched during this interaction. You could tell it bothered him. It certainly wasn’t the first time a creepy man had propositioned you.

    It turned out that everyone had enjoyed their meals and most planned to come back with their families in the future. You grabbed the extra food and said goodbye to Sophia and Gabriele and headed to the car with Luca. His jaw was still clenched. You didn’t say anything to him. This wasn’t because you didn’t want to talk, but rather you didn’t know what to say.

    The ride home was a little too silent for your liking. At this point you could feel the anger radiating off of him. He slammed the house door closed. You had tried to talk to him after getting back but he couldn’t handle it at first. You know he wasn’t upset with you. He was just angry that someone would have the audacity to say that to you, and that he didn’t do anything about it (on your wishes).

    After a while, he came back to the room you’d stayed in and kissed you harshly. This went on for a couple minutes and he pulled back. It became very clear to you that he wanted your permission to go after the man who’d said those things to you. You declined. “But, y/n, I just want to talk to him for a—”

    “The answer is no. I will not allow you to go after a drunk man no matter what horrific things he said to or about me. I am not that kind of person. End of discussion.” He nodded in defeat and hung his head onto your shoulder. Some time later, you both made your way upstairs and changed for bed. Snuggled close together, you sighed as you slowly fell into slumber.

    As sleep started to take over you, you briefly heard Luca say something you didn’t understand. “I love and respect you. However, I cannot just let that man get away with it. I will personally make sure he pays. I just hope you can forgive me.” He held you tighter and you fell asleep in each other's arms.

[gojo-x-reader]

Confessions in a Drunken Night

Relationship(s): Gojo Satoru x F!Reader

Warnings: excessive drinking, mentions of sex (not related to drinking), getting drunk, job stress

Tags: communication is key

AO3 Link: here

Words: ~2k

Request:   “ Hey, I hope you're doing okay. I have read your scenarios and I fell in love with them They are so cute and adorable . If you take a request would you mind taking mine. About a f/reader who is depressed about her job pressure and Gojo not being home lately so she would be drinking at home not knowing that Gojo had arrived and was sleeping and he would wake up because of sound and he would find her saoul , and he would try to make up with her , with a lot of fluff please , thank you .”

You heard the door hurriedly slam from the other room and sighed. This was the third time just this week alone that date night was interrupted with you and your boyfriend, Satoru. Every time, he promised that nothing would come up, but every time something did. You didn’t understand why exactly his job was so important for him to just leave like that. He was just a high school teacher. 

You sighed again, then picked up the uneaten dinner you cooked for the both of you. You placed the food in containers for later, if there was a later with him. You might end up eating both portions by yourself. You finished up cleaning up the romantic date you had prepared, now incredibly sad and frustrated. 

You started pouring yourself a glass of whiskey. You weren’t a fan of the stuff straight, but tonight seemed like the night to drink. How many hours of overtime did you put in this week just to try to have an evening off to spend with your boyfriend? How much sleep did you lose just to stay ahead? How many times did your boss scoff because you asked off not one night, but three nights this week? You’d be lucky if you could get another night off in a month after this week. 

You sipped on the whiskey, cherishing the warmth it brought to your core. You grabbed the bottle and glass and took them the to couch. The whiskey bottle was less than halfway finished; might as well finish it tonight. You lounged on the couch as you brought the glass to your lips and reminisced about your relationship with Satoru.

You had been together for over a year now, but it didn’t feel like it. You were practically in a long-distance relationship, despite only living twenty minutes from each other with how scarce you got to see him. He was always busy on “business trips” or whatever for his job. The thought that he was cheating on you crossed your mind a time or two, but Satoru didn’t seem like the type. 

The two of you met in your favorite bakery just down the street. You had fought over the last piece of tiramisu, which he eventually gave you in exchange for your number. He was incredibly easy to talk to and within a few weeks, the two of you were going on your first date. He was suave, but you soon learned that was just a front he put up. The true Gojo Satoru was a dork with an almost insufferable personality that somehow you were able to stand. 

You were sure that in the year you had been dating, you had only gone on three successful dates with Satoru and well over fifteen attempted dates. The three successful dates all had a special place in your heart.

The first successful date was your first date. It was a cozy café date followed by a nice walk through the nooks and crannies of Tokyo you never saw on your work commute. You remembered how you gained the confidence to hold Satoru’s hand on the first date, only feeling like there was a literal wall between you two for a few seconds. It was strange, but it was the only incident, so you never brought it up to him. 

The second successful date was a few months later with another failed attempt in between the first and second. This one was a trip to a fancy restaurant in the heart of Tokyo. This was the date you learned that your boyfriend was loaded. Not just well off, but rich enough he could spend a couple hundred thousand Yen and it was just pocket change to him. Somehow, the reveal left more questions than answered them; namely, how did he become so rich with a teacher’s salary? Was he part of some kind of Old Money or something?

 He never told you where you were dining, so of course, you dressed like it was a casual outing. Before heading to the restaurant, he bought you a dress that was worth more than two years of your yearly salary (against your protests). It was a gorgeous dress, in your favorite color. It still hung in your closet; while you wanted to sell it for some extra money, you didn’t want to upset Satoru. 

The third and final successful date was your first anniversary. Neither of you wanted to go out, so you both stayed in. The two of you cooked dinner together; you were pleasantly surprised to learn that Satoru had a talent for cooking and wanted to taste more of his cooking. He insisted you were a much better cook than him, but you disagreed. 

After dinner, one thing led to another until you were swept off your feet literally to the bedroom. 

You smiled fondly at the memories of your first time together. It was only two months ago, but nothing had happened since then even though you desperately wanted a repeat of your anniversary tonight. Ah, you remembered why you were drinking. You swallowed the rest of the whiskey in your glass, grimacing as it burned in your throat.

You were already tipsy after one glass. You were a lightweight; you were sure you would be shit-faced before the end of this bottle. Satoru never drank, yet he always had the audacity to make fun of how much of a lightweight you were. 

Who knows how long passed before you finally swallowed the last drop of whiskey. At that point, you were fighting your eyelids that were trying to close. Without Satoru there to entertain you as you were tipsy, you became a tired drunk. You just wanted to go to sleep but didn’t want to leave the couch. If you got up, you’d probably stumble and fall back anyway. So, you grabbed the blanket draped across the couch and wrapped yourself around it.

A sudden wave of sadness washed over you right as you closed your eyes. You missed Satoru, desperately. It felt physically painful being away from him at the moment. You brought a hand up to your eyes and wiped them, rolling over and finally going to sleep for good. 

You woke up to the feeling of someone shaking your form. You groaned. Your head was pounding from dehydration, you were still sleepy from the alcohol; who dared interrupt your sleep?

You blinked a few times to find Satoru and his beautiful blue eyes staring at you. He appeared slightly worried, but also tired.

“Time?” you asked, not even forming coherent sentences yet.

“Almost 3am,” Satoru answered.

You groaned. “Let me sleep.”

“How much did you drink?”

“Does it matter?” you snapped back. You then realized how hostile you sounded, then started crying. “Please don’t be mad at me,” you said between hiccups. 

Satoru took you into his arms, soothingly rubbing your back to calm you down. You suddenly felt worse because you were a mess, just because he left for an emergency with work? Pathetic. 

Your sweet, incredible boyfriend helped you slowly sit up, then obtained a glass of water for you to drink. You chugged it, not even realizing how thirsty you were. Satoru refilled it for you, urging you to instead sip the water. 

“What’s wrong?” Satoru asked as he sat down next to you on the couch.

“...Nothing,” you answered.

“Nothing? I come home to find my girlfriend passed out on the couch drunk off her ass and sad. You’re upset, and I want us to work through this. Now, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sad,” you admitted. 

“Obviously.”

“I don’t feel like you--” hic “--love me as much anymore. You keep leaving during our dates, you don’t spend much time with me anymore, and my job is just so stressful because I keep having to work overtime to get days off and I doubt I can get another day off for a month now. That just makes me so fucking sad because I wanna see you every day but I can’t--”��

Satoru gently placed a hand on your cheek. His gaze was filled with so much love it rendered you speechless. “That all?” he asked. You nodded.

Satoru tenderly placed a kiss on your forehead. “I’ve been keeping a secret from you,” he admitted. Suddenly, your brain raced through all of the possibilities, fixating on the idea he was cheating on you. Oh, no, here it comes… 

“I’m a jujutsu sorcerer.”

“Excuse me?”

That was not at all what you were expecting. What did that even mean?

Satoru backed away. “Here, try to grab my hand.”

You reached out to him, feeling the familiar wall like you did on your first date. “Oh!”

“This is Infinity,” he explained. “As you get closer to me, you slow down, unable to reach me. It’s a jujutsu passed down through my family.”

“I think I’ve felt it before. On our first date.”

Satoru sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I always keep my Infinity going at all times, 24/7, even when I’m asleep. I only let down my guard around you because I trust you with my life.”

“So. What does this all mean? What else are you keeping a secret? Your job too?”

“No, I really am a high school teacher. For the first years, to be exact. The bunch this year are… interesting to say the least. So I’ve been having to stay late to train them, and I actually do go on business trips. A lot of them are overseas.” 

“What are they for?” You were now very invested in your boyfriend’s secret life he had been hiding from you all this time.

“We exorcise curses.”

“Curses?”

“The evil beings of the jujutsu world. I have to go on more missions than the average person because I’m one of the very few Special Grade jujutsu sorcerers in the world. It’s the highest rank a jujutsu sorcerer can reach. And your boyfriend is the strongest in the world.”

“Are you really, or are you self-proclaimed?” you asked, knowing his personality. Satoru pouted. You pinched one of his cheeks gently, then dragged his face to your lips, pressing them against his cheek. “I’m just kidding.”

“I really am the strongest, though,” Satoru continued to pout. “Anyway! I think it’s time for us to sleep. Tomorrow, I can take you to see my school and you can meet my students!”

“Really?” you asked, excited. Finally, your boyfriend was allowing you into the part of his world you were always curious about.

“Really,” he promised. 

You yawned. The sun was just starting to peek through your windows. Suddenly, you felt yourself being lifted and carried to your room. You weren’t quite sober and made sure to warn Satoru about that, lest he moved you too fast and caused you to throw up on the two of you. 

(“It wouldn’t get on me, though,” Satoru argued. “I can just activate my Infinity and I’ll stay clean.”)

Satoru tucked you into your bed, then made his way to your side. You were actually kind of glad you decided to get drunk tonight, as the liquid courage gave you the confidence to speak your mind to your boyfriend instead of keeping your feelings inside like usual. Tonight, you learned a side of your boyfriend you never thought existed. It brought you relief and curiosity to learn more about him and his life. 

But for now, you needed sleep. Meeting part of Satoru’s world could wait until tomorrow. 

[whumpcollector]

Lucas Pt.7: The Good Doctor

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYONE. We’re back at it with another part of Lucas’ story. We’re going to start meeting some new faces. I hope everyone here enjoys!

CW: Medical whump. (I think thats it? If I missed anything please let me know).

“...he...injured…”

“...put...gently...don’t”

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“...doing...when…”

“...alive...not…”

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“...any...worried…”

“...patient...wait…”

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Lucas fluttered in and out of consciousness, becoming aware for a few moments before slipping back into darkness. He could hear small snippets of conversation, but nothing substantial. In one of his rare moments of lucidity he attempted to look around, but he didn’t see anyone before he blacked out again.

When Lucas did return to the world it was slowly, almost unwillingly. There was a safety in oblivion, one that a part of him wanted to keep. As he felt consciousness return a small voice spoke out, pleading with him to just stay asleep. He wasn’t being hurt if he was asleep, and if he woke up who kno-

“LUCAS!”

Lucas awoke with a jolt, eyes shooting open and darting around the room. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust. The first thing he noticed was the concerned face of… Mehrzad, yes Mehrzad was his name. There was also another man next to him, he had the same dark tanned skin Mehrzad had, but his face was slimmer and with a full beard. 

The next thing Lucas noticed was how sore he was. A soft groan escaped his lips as he looked down at his body. His arms and torso were covered in blood stained bandages, and a thin blanket covered his legs. Lucas tried to sit up, only to have the bearded man gently place a hand on his chest and push him back down.

“Do not waste your energy, my friend. You are still recovering, you need to rest.”

The man's voice was smooth, kind, comforting even. Lucas did as he was told, best not to anger whoever this man was. He laid down on the cot he was on, taking a deep breath as a sharp pain shot up one of his arms. 

“You must be in a lot of pain. Hold on one moment.” The man turned away, rummaging around before turning back with a small wooden bowl. “Here drink this, it will soothe you.”

Lucas looked at the bowl held in front of his face. A thick green liquid sloshed around inside. A grimace crossed his face, he wasn’t sure how much he believed this man. Still, an order was given and his kind was to obey. He pushed his lips to the rim of the bowl and let the man tilt it forwards, spilling the liquid into his mouth. The moment it touched his lips Lucas had to suppress a gag. He swallowed it before coughing and sputtering, trying to force out the taste left in his mouth. 

The man let out a small chuckle. “I apologize for not mentioning the taste. However I have found that it is… easier… to convince my patients to drink it if I am not upfront about that fact.”

Mehrzad raised an eyebrow. “What exactly did you have him drink, love?”

“Oh an herbal mixture meant to soothe pain. Effective, but rather… unpleasant to the tongue.” The man turned to Lucas, offering a small smile. “My name is Jawad, you are Lucas, yes?”

Lucas nodded and tried to speak before realizing how dry his throat was. His words came out choked and stunted and another fit of coughing followed after. Jawad quickly reached for a pitcher of water, pouring it into a clean bowl and offering it to Lucas. The boy drank greedily, downing three more bowls of water before feeling satiated. 

“Thirsty eh?” Mehrzad asked.

Lucas froze, panic creeping into his stomach. Had he done something wrong? Jawad had offered him the water so he was allowed to drink it, right? Or was it a test? But they let him drink as much as he wanted, so it was okay then? Maybe they were waiting to see how much he w-

“LUCAS!”

Lucas was snapped out of his spiraling, Mehrzad shaking his shoulders lightly.

“Are you alright?”

Lucas took a deep breath before nodding. His eyes darted back and forth between the two men. Mehrzad and Jawad looked at him with confusion and concern respectively. After a beat of silence Jawad looked towards his husband.

“Perhaps it would be best if you left us for now.”

Mehrzad cocked an eyebrow and turned towards Jawad. They shared a look for a moment before Mehrzad nodded and stood up, making his way out of the tent. Jawad turned back to Lucas and stood up, walking over to a table covered in bowls and bandages. 

“You are a mage Lucas, is that correct?”

Lucas nodded before realizing the man was looking away and couldn’t see him. He coughed, his throat still dry before talking for the first time in what felt like forever.

“Y-yes sir. I’m a mage.”

Jawad let out a small chuckle. “Oh no need for such pleasantries my friend. Just Jawad will suffice. Sir makes me sound old and I would much prefer to deny that fact for as long as I can.”

Lucas blanched. “I’m sorry s- Jawad, I didn't mean to offend.” He looked down, screwing his eyes shut and hoping he would be let off with a warning.

“Oh no need to apologize, no offense taken.” 

Lucas breathed a sigh of relief, looks like he got off easy this time. Jawad finished whatever he was working on at the table and returned to Lucas’ bedside. He sat down, offering Lucas another bowl of water which the boy drank with slight apprehension. 

“You are the first mage I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I’ve heard the stories of course, even seen a few from afar, but never have I had the opportunity to speak to one.” He scratched his beard absentmindedly. “If you don’t mind my saying I am excited to have you under my care. There were many rumors in my old university about the physiology of mages, and now I have the opportunity to see how much of it is true.”

Oh. So that was his game. Lucas wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Then again, how he felt didn’t really matter. 

Jaws continued. “You gave me quite the scare a little while ago.” Jawad gently took Lucas’ arm, inspecting the bloodied bandages. “You were in rough shape when Mehrzad brought you to me, but I managed to patch you up well enough. I thought you were just fine, but next thing I know I go to check on you and your bandages are soaked with blood.”

Jawad looked up at Lucas quizzically. “It seems that overnight what must have been dozens of lacerations had appeared all over your body, with no apparent cause.” He gestured towards Lucas. “I can only imagine that such phenomena must be magical in nature, would you happen to know how or why that might have happened?”

Lucas thought for a bit. He didn’t really understand how his magic worked, least of all what might cause something like that. “I’m sorry, I… I don’t know why that, um, happened.” Lucas fidgeted, watching Jawad for any sign of anger or frustration. “Um, sorry. I don’t really...sorry.” 

Jawad tilted his head, scrunching his eyebrows as if he were confused by something. “I see… well, no matter, whatever magical cause your condition may have originated from, it seems my mortal medicine is more than adept at treating it.” He stood up, turning back to the table he had been fiddling with. ���Which does bring me to another matter that must be resolved.”

Jawad picked a large bowl off of the table and walked back to Lucas. The bowl was filled with bandages that were soaking in a pungent smelling liquid. Jawad set the bowl down next to Lucas and took a seat, his mouth set into a thin line. Lucas fidgeted, a bad feeling settling into his stomach.

“Your bandages need to be changed. Your current ones are soaked through and I would like to avoid infection as much as possible.” The doctor sighed. “It will be less than pleasant. Bloody bandages have a way of… sticking to wounds. Removing them will hurt.”

Lucas grimaced slightly and nodded his head at the doctor’s words. He knew this was coming. Oh well, he could handle a little pain. Whatever would keep his new owner… owners? Happy. 

“Alright, let us take care of it then.” 

Jawad began to pull at the bandages on Lucas’ arms, slowly unravelling them. The outer layers fell away with no issue, the soiled linen hanging off of Lucas’ arm. Once Jawad had reached the layer attached to Lucas’ skin he paused, looking up at the mage.

“Are you ready?”

Lucas nodded and the doctor began to peel away the last layer of bandages. Lucas cringed, sucking in air through his mouth as the bandages came off. Jawad had not lied, the bandages were stuck to his arm and having them removed felt like he was being scraped raw by rough gravel. Still, it wasn’t the worst thing he had ever felt and it didn’t take long for all of the bandages on his arm to be removed. 

Removing the rest of the bandages on his other arm and torso was an unpleasant but bearable process. As Jawad went to dispose of the soiled bandages Lucas looked down at his now bare skin. He was covered in cuts and scrapes, most of which were still open but not actively bleeding. The leylines on his body were a dull brown instead of their usual red. That was… unsettling. 

“Alright Lucas,” said Jawad as he wiped his hand clean with a wet rag. “Now we come to the next part, applying new bandages.” He gestured towards the bowl. “I will be blunt, this will be very painful. The medicine I use tends to… burn… when it comes in contact with open wounds and, well…”

Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. 

“Best we get it over with then.” 

The moment the fresh linen touched Lucas’ skin he had to bite back a scream. The skin beneath the bandage felt as if it were set on fire. His mind went back to master Harold and his performances, when his magic flared and surged through his limbs. This wasn’t as bad, but it was close.

Jawad finished applying the first bandage and began to work on the next. Every wrap caused more and more of his arm to burn, and Jawad was doing anything but working quickly.

“I understand you want this to be over as quickly as possible but I must be thorough. If I don't do it right the first time I’ll have to start over again and I’m certain you don’t want that.”

Jawad was right, Lucas didn’t want that. He bit down on his hand, trying to muffle himself and avoid annoying the doctor. He knew a threat when he heard one and he had no intention of giving Jawad a reason to follow up on it.

The work continued at a slow pace. Jawad made sure that no skin could be seen through the wrappings, that every inch of his upper body was covered in the burning medicine. Tears flowed from Lucas’ eyes by the end and his breaths were shaky and broken up by stifled sobs. Jawad gently lowered Lucas back onto the bed, patting his shoulder softly enough to not aggravate his injuries further. A mercy Lucas was grateful for. 

“There, done. Would like some more of that pain reliever I gave you earlier?”

Lucas gave a shaky nod, watching the doctor walk away. He was… confused by the offer. Why bother doing all this to him if he was going to try and get rid of the pain right after? Him being hurt was the point right? Otherwise why bother wasting medicine on him? He paused his train of thought when Jawad returned, holding another bowl to his lips. Lucas grateful drank the viscous liquid, not minding the taste and waiting for its numbing effects to kick in. The burning across his body did subside a bit and Lucas let out a relieved sigh. 

Well, whatever the doctor’s motivations were Lucas would not complain about any offered respite. 

Jawad sat back down, looking over his handiwork one last time before speaking to Lucas. “Hopefully we will not need to do that again. Your wounds should be healed enough by the time those bandages are to be removed.” Jawad paused, thinking for a moment. “I actually had a question about that. I had heard that mages possessed...miraculous natural healing talents, potent enough to handle even near mortal injury. However, you have not shown such abilities? Are they something mages possess or was that just a rumor?”

Lucas processed Jawad’s question for a moment before thoughts began to race through his head. Why hadn’t he healed yet? Jawad had said it had been at least a day… was there something wrong with his magic? The leylines on his arms had looked weird. What if… what if his magic was gone? 

Panic flared in Lucas' stomach and he instinctively tried to summon a small flame. Nothing came and his panic worsened. This wasn’t the first time his magic failed to respond, but this was different. Usually when it failed it was because his magic had been exhausted, like a well that had run dry. Now it wasn almost like… there was nothing there, as if the well had been filled and sealed away entirely.    

Lugas wrapped his arms around himself, trying to slow his breathing. No, no this couldn’t be the case. He couldn’t have lost his magic. A mage without magic was… nothing. Nothing at all. If he couldn’t do magic… what could he offer? How could he serve? 

Lucas felt a rough shake and turned to see Jawad. The man was shaking his shoulder and talking, but Lucas couldn’t hear his words over the roaring in his ears. What should he say? The doctor probably wouldn’t be happy to learn he had just wasted medicine on a… defective mage. Maybe… maybe he could lie? Say that healing wasn’t something most mages had. Maybe… maybe that would give him some time to figure out how to get his magic back. But if his magic came back then so would his healing, and then Jawad would find out that Lucas had lied to him and th-

A hand struck Lucas sharply on his cheek, bringing his thoughts to a screeching halt and causing him to shrink into himself. He looked at Jawad. The doctor was standing now, bending over to keep their eyes level with both hands on Lucas’ shoulders. The doctor looked troubled, his eyebrows were furrowed and his lips formed a thin frown. Lucas shrinked back further, as far as he could with Jawad’s holding him. 

The doctor’s face softened. “I apologize for that, Lucas, but it didn’t seem like you could hear me and I needed you to calm down.” 

“S-sorry, I’m sorry.”

“It's ok, you are not in any trouble my friend.” Jawad removed his hands from Lucas’ shoulders, giving him space and sitting back down. “Now Lucas, please, tell me what is wrong. If I can help, I promise I will.”

Lucas gulped, his throat felt very very dry. “I… yes. Mages do have healing, at least I think most of them do. I-I do at least. Um… but it's… not working. N-none of my magic is right now.” He looked down, tapping his knuckles together and waiting for Jawad’s response. 

Jawad hummed thoughtfully. “Your magic isn’t working? Hmmmm.” he stroked his chin, thinking to himself. Without a world he stood up and walked back towards the table. He shifted things around before picking up a large journal, flipping through the pages and scanning each one at what seemed like inhuman speed. Once he found the page he was looking for he paused, squinting his eyes and peering closer at the page. After a moment his eyes widened slightly and he placed the journal down, turning to walk out of the tent. “I will return shortly, Lucas.” 

With that Jawad left and Lucas was left alone. He let out another sigh, laying back down and placing his hands over his stomach. The pain across his body had greatly subsided, whatever that substance was proving to be effective. Now all Lucas felt was tired. Jawad didn’t say when he would be back, and Lucas could probably… get… away… with……

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A light shake woke Lucas up, his eyes blinking blearily. Jawad hovered over him, holding another bowl. It smelled like food, and Lucas noticed just how hungry he was. Maybe he could beg for some later on.

“Hello Lucas. I’m sorry to wake you but I brought you some food. It’s been at least a day since you last ate and you’ll need your energy.”

Oh. Lucas took the bowl from Jawad, careful not to spill any of it on the bed. He looked down at the food in his hand. It was a normal stew, with chunks of meat and vegetables swimming in a thick broth. Lucas felt his mouth begin to water and quickly placed the rim of the bowl to his lips and began to drink greedily. The broth was rich and warm, the best food Lucas had had since… well for a while.

“Ha, I see you are hungry. Here, take this.” Jawad held a wooden spoon out to Lucas, who realized how he must look and took the utensil sheepishly. “It tends to make eating easier.”

Lucas nodded thanks and began to shovel stew into his mouth, savoring each bite. The meat and vegetables were juicy and tender, everything coming together perfectly. This wa-

“What in the EVERLIVING FUCK do you think you are doing?”

Lucas choked on his stew, dropping the bowl and spoon and hacking out rough coughs. Stew spilled across his lap, bruning him and covering the bed and his pants in broth and chunks of food. He looked up to see a tall, well built man standing at the entrance of the tent. Lucas cowered back, holding his hands in front of his mouth nervously. What had he done wrong? What… what was going to happen to him?

The man looked at him in surprise before gathering himself. “Shit kid, sorry.” He held up one hand in a placating gesture. “I didn’t mean to startle you like that, my bad.” He turned away to face Jawad and brandished the sheet of paper he held in his hand. “Jawad what the fuck is this?”

Jawad for his part was speaking in a language Lucas didn’t recognize. He scrambled around, grabbing a washcloth and trying to clean Lucas off. He turned to the man and began yelling in the strange language, Lucas didn’t understand anything but he had the feeling there were plenty of swears involved. 

The man held his hands up defensively. “Yeah, yeah I’m sorry alright? I didn’t mean to startle him like that.” He turned to Lucas again and offered an apologetic look. Lucas simply stared at him and he turned back to the doctor. “Seriously Jawad, what the hell are you thinking?”

Jawad finished his cleaning and huffed, “I am requisitioning medical supplies.” He gestured to the list. “Everything on there should be in the next major city we visit.”

The man looked at Jawad incredulously. “��Requisition medical supplies’? Is that what you call trying to bankrupt us?” He scanned his eyes down the list. “Unghol scales, lyndwurm venom, sylken fibers, fucking....bitterblossom pollen? What the fuck is a bitter blossom?” He looked back up at the doctor. “This is at least 3,000 crowns. AT LEAST! What the fuck is this all for?”

Jawad gestured towards Lucas. “It’s for my patient.”

The man looked at Lucas, properly scrutinizing the boy for the first time. Lucas shrunk under his gaze, still unsure what the man was going to do to him, if anything.

“Ah, so you’re our new guest then.” He walked forward and extended a hand. “Captain Johnathon, I’m the leader of this band of bastards and cutthroats you find yourself mingling with.”

Lucas eyes the hand warily before nervously grabbing it and shaking. “My name is Lucas, Captain Jonathon.”

Jonathan chuckled. “Would you look at that, kid treats me with more respect than most of my men do.” He crossed his arms and looked back at the doctor. “So, let me guess, all of this stuff has to do with some magical mumbo bullshit our mage friend here needs.”

“Yes, Lucas here can’t access his magic for some reason. This is a physiological anomaly that is rather worrying. These ingredients all have reported magical properties and I believe they may be able to help return his magic to him.”

“You… believe?”

Jawad looked away somewhat sheepishly. “Well… magical medicine is a… less explored field than others. Nothing is, well, certain when it comes to dealing with mages and magic. I am confident that they will be beneficial but I can't be certain.”

Jonathan looked at the doctor, eyebrow raised and arms crossed. He sighed, paling a hand on his face and thinking for a moment. “Everyone in this camp, myself included, owes you their life at least once over. You’re the  best there is.” He looked down at the paper. “Are you sure this will be worth it?”

“As I said, I can’t guarantee anything, but it is my duty to provide the best care I can for my patients. I believe this is necessary to do that.”

Jonathan stood and thought for a while, mulling things over in his kind before letting out another sign. “Alright… I’ll approve it. We’ll have someone pick these items up next time we hit a big market.” He turned to leave before pausing at the tent’s threshold. “Jawad be honest with me, is this the last time you plan on making these kinds of requests?”

“Well… as I said… I can’t be sure that those ingredients will work and there are… plenty other theorized solutions fo-”

Jonathan raised a hand, cutting Jawad off. He shook his head and muttered to himself as he left. “Cathrai above save my fucking coin purse.”

With that Jawad and Lucas were left alone in the tent. Jawad walked over to Lucas, removing the soiled sheets on the bed and replacing them with a large tarp that was lying around. 

“Sorry, this is not ideal but some covering is better than nothing. You should rest now. You have been through much today.”

Lucas nodded, pulling the tarp over himself and laying down. Jawad patted him on the shoulder and left the tent, leaving Lucas alone. He turned onto his side, looking at the wall of the tent. This place was… different, as were his new masters. He didn’t understand why Jawad was so concerned with helping him get his magic back. Maybe he wanted Lucas to be able to work as soon as possible. That made sense.

Whatever the reasoning, Lucas didn’t care. He had made it through the day without a beating and even got a meal. That was better than most. As he began to drift away to sleep he began to hear the bustle that came from outside the tent. Various voices and other sounds bleeding through the walls. Jonathon had said that he was with a band of… bastards and cutthroats. That didn’t sound reassuring, and Lucas dreaded the fact that he would have to meet, and serve, them all. 

Still, maybe things wouldn’t be that bad.

TAGS: @haro-whumps @ladygwennn @dramaticcollapse @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @brutal-nemesis @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @inpainandsuffering

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine Sokka getting high on cactus juice and confessing his feelings to you

“Sokka no!” Katara yelled as Sokka drank the juice from the cactus and you and Toph watched to see what would happen. You’d learnt trying to stop Sokka from doing any stupid idea was futile so just waited to see his reaction. He seemed fine at first, a bit peppy but fine and then he started hallucinating. Katara groaned as Momo also started acting weird and looked at you for help. “On it” you replied grabbing Sokka’s arm and catching Momo in mid air “I’ll make sure there two don’t wander off”. Katara smiled gratefully at you and led Toph further into the desert. You pulled Sokka after them, who was now giggling and murmering to himself. “Y/n” he grinned at you and you smiled raising your eyebrow “hi now come on we don’t want to get left behind”. Sokka let you lead him through the desert but it was difficult. He’d ocasionally get excited over some hallucination and try to drag you in a different direction, which would then excite Momo and leave you with two mindless infants to babysit. This happened multiple times so when Katara announced you should set up camp you were relieved to say the least. You let go of Sokka’s hand but kept an eye on him, making sure he didn’t go too far or make a break for it. Katara passed you some water watching him shaking her head “he’s an idiot, but thanks for helping”. “Ow it’s nothing” you shrugged. “No it is” Toph told you “I could hear how annoying he was, I don’t know how you have the patience with him”. Toph smirked at you and Katara grinned too, they all had a not so inaccurate theory you liked Sokka which you denied everytime. They never believed you though and both laughed as you rolled your eyes. “I helped Sokka because he’s high as a kite, no other reason” you told them pointedly “now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to take him some water”.  

You approached Sokka and Momo and frowned to see Momo seemed to be burying Sokka alive in sand while Sokka just laughed. “Momo stop that” you said pulling him away from Sokka. You brushed the sand of Sokka but he made no effort to move “hi y/n” he smiled lazily. You smiled back “hi Sokka, you thirsty? I’ve got some water”. “Yeah” Sokka laughed and leant his head back. You sighed but brought the bottle to his lips and helped him drink. Sokka let out a happy sigh and smiled “thanks y/n you’re so great”. You smiled “you’re pretty good too Sokka” and turned to move away when Sokka grabbed your arm. “No” he cried and you looked at him confused “Sokka? What’s wrong?”. Sokka stared at you his eyebrow furred in worry before he smiled again and leant forward to kiss you. It took you a second to realise what he was doing but when you did you flinched in shock. “Sokka what the hell?” you asked pulling away. Sokka let you out of his grip and his head slumped back down as he started to laugh giddily. You stared at him confused what made him go from kissing you to laughing. Sokka continued to giggle as he rolled around in the sand and you followed him sighing. He was covering his own face his shoulders shaking from laughter. “I kissed y/n” you heard him laugh and felt anger flare up in you, was the idea of kissing you that hilarious? Had he found out about your crush on him from Katara and Toph’s not so secret teasing? Did he find it funny you liked him?  “Get up Sokka it wasn’t that funny” you called nudging him with your foot. Sokka moved his hands and smirked at you lazily “hey y/n I kissed you”. You rolled your eyes but blushed too “yeah very funny”. “It was funny” Sokka admitted “and the best thing is y/n has no idea!”. You frowned as Sokka started laughing again and even Momo gave him a questioning look. “Erm Sokka?” you tried again. “Yes?” he asked smiling widely. “I know you kissed me”. “How?” Sokka gasped sitting up “who told you? Was it Momo?” he yelled trying to grab the lemur who scampered away from him and onto your shoulder. Sokka followed and reached out to pry Momo from you but you grabbed Sokka’s arms stopping him. “No Sokka I was there you idiot!”. “You were there...?” Sokka asked suddenly looking a lot more worried. “Well duh” you nodded “how could you kiss me without me being there?”. “Ow no” Sokka groaned and looked up at you suddenly. He stared at you not moving or saying anything making you frown. “Sokka are you okay?” you asked when he reached out and poked your face before you could hit his hand away. “Ow Sokka! What are you doing?” you asked annoyed and Sokka groaned again “you’re real! You’re actually here? I thought it was an illusion, I didn’t think it was really you! That’s why I kissed you, I didn’t think the real you would find out”. You paused trying to follow Sokka’s train of thought as he sunk to the ground again “now it’s all ruined!” he pouted head in his hands. “Why is it all ruined? and what was the point in kissing me just for the sake of it?”. Sokka looked up at you and blushed “because you’re not going to want to be friends with me now! Aang told me to tell you how I felt but I was too scared too”. “Wait what?” you asked but Sokka kept on talking. “and then I saw hallucination you, which was really actual you, and you looked so much like you...same pretty eyes, same pretty hair, same smile and I wanted to kiss you so bad! and I thought it wouldn’t ruin anything but I’d finally have kissed you but it did ruin everything! Now I’ve ruined our friendship forever”. Sokka buried his head in his hands again and you sat next to him in a daze “so you wanted to kiss me...because you like me?”. “Yes” Sokka said through his hands “I have since you left Jet’s gang to come with us”. You froze shocked, you had no idea! Why had nobody told you? “Do the others know?” you asked and Sokka shook his head “only Aang knows but i swore him to secrecy...ow and I’m pretty sure y/n knows”. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, reminding yourself it was the cactus juice making him slow and took a breath. “yes Sokka I know but it hasn’t ruined anything...I’m actually kinda glad I know”. “You are?” Sokka asked doubtfully and you nodded blushing “I wish someone would’ve told me because I’ve liked you for a while now too”. Sokka froze his brain trying to comprehend what you were saying. “Wait wait” Sokka asked turning to face you “you’re glad you know I like you because you like me too?”. You nodded your head only slightly confused “erm yeah”. “Yes” Sokka yelled loudly making Katara and Toph look over. “Sokka” you frowned but he didn’t hear you. “I got to kiss y/n and she likes me! Y/n likes me back!” he cheered. Toph and Katara smirked and you tugged Sokka’s arm “Sokka stop yeling like that!” you said embarassed. “Why it’s true isn’t it?” Sokka asked. You nodded “Well yeah!”. “Then I am never shutting up about it” Sokka grinned before running back to camp “hey guys guess what?” he called. You followed him slowly your cheeks red as Toph and Katara indulged him and shot you smirks as you reached them. “I’ve got to tell the mushroom” Sokka cried when he finished his story and ran a few feet before tripping over. “Ow” he cried loudly before smiling to himelf “y/n likes me”. You blushed and smiled ignoring the smug looks Katara and Toph wore. “So finally told him huh?” Katara asked and you nodded. “Told you to just buck up and tell him” Toph cried and you nodded “guess you were right”. “I’m always right” Toph muttered and Katara looked at where Sokka was crawling away. “Can you get him to stay put?” She asked “now he knows you like him back I think he’ll do anything you say”. You rolled your eyes but tested it “Sokka come here”. Sokka jumped up at the sound of your vouce “y/n? I’m coming!”. The others laughed as Sokka raced to you throwing an arm around you in greeting. “Great” Katara smiled “now keep him here and tell him to go to sleep”. You nodded and told Sokka it was time for bed. He obediently face planted in the sand and you sighed turning him over carefully. “My head hurts” he complained and you nodded “yeah i can imagine” and let him rest his head in your lap. You stroked his hair absentmindedly and Sokka smiled “that feels nice” closing his eyes to go to sleep. You smiled and closed your eyes too, leaning back against a rock when you felt something on your hand. You looked down to see Sokka had taken your hand in his and was now fast asleep. You smiled down at the big smile on his face and the way he held you hand close against him. Sokka may be a handful but he was your handful, and nothing in the world could change that. You closed your eyes again, Sokka’s smile now engrained in your mind and fell fast asleep. Maybe some good things can come from drinking cactus juice.        

[thepropertylovers]

Happiness vs. Wholeness: The Kind of Day We Normally Wouldn't Post About

I have found, most of the time, real life is way more interesting and eventful than any book or movie out there. Such was the case yesterday.

Note: I wrote this post at 9p and as soon as I stopped typing, I fell asleep on the couch with my computer in my lap. Clearly I was just tired after a very, very long day :).

It was the kind of day we wouldn’t normally post on Instagram or Facebook or the blog. That’s not to say we don’t share hard days on social media (because if you’ve been following for a while you know we do), but it was just a frustrating, real life kind of day, and doesn’t it seem like social media is mostly reserved for the good highlights of your life, not the mundane and the difficult ones? That’s another topic for a different day, but I would love to dive into that more and change that somehow.

PJ started some new medication for an issue he talked about in our latest vlog (the comments have been SO helpful!!), and as the side effects started to kick in, he was sore all day and felt extremely lethargic. He’s also been working nonstop on the farm every day, so I think that was a big factor, too. He stayed home all day and rested on the couch while catching up on The Handmaid’s Tale, and I’m so glad he did. He works so dang hard and needs a rest every now and then.

Meanwhile, our 2nd oldest dog (and our smallest) Jolie, who turned 10 this year, has been dry heaving and coughing the last three days. Along with that, yesterday I came inside and found her laying on the floor on her side whining, and she’s since lost her balance and fallen over three more times (almost like a seizure, but not quite that severe). It was scary and awful and the thought of losing her, our original baby that we’ve loved for all these years, makes me nauseated.

We called our vet’s office but they couldn’t get her in until Friday. Knowing we couldn’t wait that long, we called three more vets in town until we finally reached one who said they would see her ASAP. Since PJ wasn’t feeling well, older brother and I took her in so they could check her out.

They said she would be fine (thank goodness), but that she has heart issues, so they put her on three medications, two of which she will have to be on forever. I felt relief knowing she will be okay and that she still has a few more years. However, the thought of having to keep up with two more medications every day, after having to give little brother medicine twice a day (for a condition we’ve never discussed publicly), sounds overwhelming in the most minuscule way. I know it’s such a small task, but it’s like it’s just one more thing to keep track of. Still, I would give her medication five times a day if it meant keeping her alive for as long as possible, so really I’m just venting right now. Remember, it was one of those days.

When we got home, I was in the office working while the kids were eating lunch and sis got up to get more water, something she’s been doing all by herself lately as she stands as tall as she can on her tiptoes. And then I hear a bang and a gasp and a “(little sis) spilled her water!” coming from the dining room. I go in to find she somehow not only spilled the water all over the floor, but also on top of her head and her shirt and her face. Poor thing. She was soaked from head to toe and felt so bad. I was frustrated at first, but once I took a breath I told her everything was okay and accidents happen; cleaned her up and changed her clothes and she sat back down to finish her lunch.

As I made my way back into the office to finish working, I stepped in something wet on the rug in the front room. For a split second I wondered how little sis’ water fiasco made its way all the way to the front room, but then I remembered that makes no sense and quickly considered another scenario. I am always expecting anything wet on the floor to be pee with two dogs and a cat living inside the house, so I smelt it and sure enough…it was dog pee. One of the side effects of the medication Jolie is on is that she will be a lot more thirsty and have to pee more frequently. My guess is she couldn’t hold it in and went on the rug. Again I say: poor thing :(. 

I finally finished working for the day around 7:30p and got out of the house to pick up some dinner for us since this was definitely not going to be a cooking night. Where had the time gone?

Like I said at the beginning of this post, real life is often so much messier and all over the place than what we watch on TV. And especially more so than what we as humans post on social media. I am choosing to look at today as just a normal day in the life of a family of five with young kids. Unpredictable, challenging, difficult, frustrating, wonderful, and…ours. Today was ours. This life is ours. 

A good thing about today? Sis didn’t go pee in her big girl panties ONCE; she went in the potty all day, which I honestly think is a first for her! How amazing is that? Also, knowing she doesn’t feel well, Meryl has been extra sweet to Jolie all day, laying with her in her bed and checking on her, and currently burying her nose into Jolie’s neck as they both are cuddled up on the couch beside me while I write.

After my quick late-night nap on the couch, I woke up and we all went upstairs to brush our teeth and get our jammies on. By the end of the night, all five of us were in the kids’ bathroom rolling around on the floor laughing for no reason other than we were all tired and had had a long day. Their smiles and laughs are so infectious. Nothing like a right-before-bed laughing session to end the day on a high note, right? ❤️

Days like today seem more frequent lately, but how we respond to them is what ultimately makes up the quality of our life. I’m finding more and more that in the moment I’m so frustrated at life’s mishaps, but when enough time has passed and I have a moment to really think about it, I realize I am grateful for it all. The ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult.

Because in the end, we’re all striving for wholeness, not necessarily happiness, right?

[allthingshetalia]

Can you write sergeant Prussia confessing his love to a cadet and she likes him also but is afraid and says no. Then Prussia gets mad and makes her do extra hard, not letting her finish eating and already making her run or sth. He overall makes her psychically and mentally exhausted and she collapses due to not eating enough not sleeping and working too hard. Prussia finds out she collapsed and rushes to see her and apologizes after the doctor tells him what is wrong with her. I 💗 your writing!

💕I love this idea! Thank you💕

“She passed out from exhaustion. She also appears to be extremely dehydrated. She has also lost quite a bit of weight since her last check up and that was only 2 1/2 weeks ago. We recommend she takes a week to rest and slowly works back into training. Right now she needs lots of sleep, water and some hearty meals.” The doctors explained. Sergeant Beilschmidt nodded his head, as he stood outside the curtain of your ‘room,’ in the hospital ward.

He sent you out for a 5 mile run. He claimed it was because you sucked at pushups earlier that day, but both of you knew the real reason. When you didn’t come back within 20 minutes he began to worry. So he called someone to go and check on you to make sure you didn’t skip out, well that’s what he told them. He Secretly wondered if you got lost or hurt. Apparently they found you lying face first in the mud.

He immediately went to check on you, and found a doctor that explained what had happened. He felt nauseous as the doctor told him what had actually happened. It was his fault. He knew he was working you hard but he didn’t realize how hard. He loves you very, very, very much, but when you rejected him it stored something inside him, a dark part of him he always hated. It was always hard for him to be vulnerable, and when he confessed his feelings to you it was a very vulnerable moment, and you shot him down.

“Can I go in and check on her?” He asked. His hand already gripped the curtain before the doctors replied.

“Of course.” The doctors smiled.

He cringed as he saw you were still covered in mud. It was plastered to the side of your face and your hair. You were very pale, your eyes were traced with deep bags and your lips were chapped.

“Can I get a bowl of water and a few towels?” He asked poking his head out of the curtain. A nearby nurse quickly nodded her head and went off to get the supplies. She soon came back and set it on the small tray near your bed. “Thank you.” Gilbert grumbled. He dipped the towel in the water and softly began to scrub at the mud stuck to your face. Once he did that he soaked another towel and tried his best to scrap as much mud as he could out of your hair. He also took it out of the bun you had, knowing it probably wasn’t comfy to sleep on. Once he sat on the chair right next to your bed.

It had been two days. You had yet to wake up. He spent as much time as he could with you. When he wasn’t training he was with you. He even ate his meals right next to you. He scrubbed your face everyday, making sure to get the eye boogers out. He got some chapstick for you and he even fell asleep in his chair. He held your hand as he slept, and that was how you woke up.

“Mmm.” You groaned. Your eyelids opened slowly. Wherever you were was fairly dark, and you were thankful for that. Your body felt heavy, like a rock was laying on you. Your eyes had no trouble adjusting to the darkness. You could hear footsteps going past you. A light squeeze of your hand caused you to look to your right. You immediately recognized a mop of silver hair and you quickly pulled your hand away. This caused him to wake up.

“You’re awake?” He groaned. He sat up and stretched. He shuffled around a little and a dim light flickered on from the lamp next to your bed. You quickly covered your eyes. “Sorry.” He mumbled. You pulled the covers up over you face, so you were hiding from him. He sighed deeply from next to you. “Y/N.” Please don’t do that.” He sighed. He pulled away the covers from you and you didn’t have much strength to fight him. “Are you thirsty? Hungry?” He asked. You shot him a glare.

“Like you care.” You rasped. You swallowed thickly trying to soothe the pain you felt after speaking. He closed his eyes tightly. He got up and left and you felt a little at piece. But it was short lived when he came back with two cups. One was filled with apple juice and another one was a cup of ice. He poked a straw in the apple juice and held it up to your mouth. You grabbed the whole cup from him and drank greedily. He quickly took the cup back from you.

“Not so fast.” He scolded.

“You’re not the boss of me.” You grumbled. Even though you were angry you leaned forward and took the straw in your mouth and continued to drink.

“Well the uniform says different.” He chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood.

“Not anymore. I’m quitting. I have a medical reason. I’ll just say I physically can’t do it. Don’t worry i won’t blame you.” You growled. His heart ached painfully in his chest. “Congrats you won.” You sighed, resting back down against the pillow. He put the empty apple juice down on the table.

“How did I win?” He asked softly. You turned your head to look at him. He was staring intensely into your eyes. His ruby eyes encompassed the same emotions as when you rejected him.

“This is obviously what you wanted. To break me and make me suffer. You wanted me gone.” You spat. “You could lie and say it’s heartbreak but we both know it’s your ego. Can’t handle being rejected.” You continued. You stared up at the ceiling for a long moment before he spokez

“Is that how lowly you think of me?” He shuddered. You looked at him expecting to see anger but the only thing you saw was tear filled eyes. Your eyes widened as he stared at you in despair. “I know I can be difficult and hard on people- especially you, but I am not some cold hearted monster that you believe I am. I made a mistake. You’re right I couldn’t handle being rejected. But not because of my ego. Because I love you. I know it’s hard to believe after I ended up placing you in the hospital. I guess a part of me just wanted you to suffer like how I was suffering.” He sighed and leaned forward resting his elbows on the bed, his eyes never leaving yours. “You don’t have to believe my words. But you do need to know that I am terribly sorry for what I did. I never wanted to hurt you. You have made me see, feel and think things I never have before. And I’m sorry that this is how I repay you.” He got up from his seat and grabbed his coat off of the foot of your bed throwing it on. He slowly walked over to you and placed a gentle kiss against your head. You felt a little drop of wetness one your forhead but he quickly brushed it away. He swiftly turned off the light and pulled back the curtain leaving you.

Tears fell from your own eyes at his confession. Sure you always had a crush on him. But you never knew he truly felt that way about you. You kinda thought he just wanted to get in your pants, so he was just spewing nonsense. You rolled over in your bed and hugged the pillow tightly against your frame. After who knows how long of being asleep you where no longer tired. So you just laid there, crying and eating ice chips.

✨Time skip✨

You grinned at your friends who welcomed you back. After spending the last week in the hospital you had a lot of time to think, about you, your work, Gilbert, everything. The nurse told you how he barely left your side for two days. That made you realize maybe he did really mean what he said. And you decided that if he broke your heart, it would be no ones fault but your own.

You quickly made your way inside the large air conditioned building. Walking through many long hallways and going up an elevator to the very top floor you stopped infront of a large familiar door. ‘Sergeant Beilschmidt’ was written in large bold letters on the plaque attached to the door. You knocked loudly.

“Come in”. He shouted. You opened the door and peaked your head in. He was looking down at his desk staring at some papers. You closed the door behind you and cleared your throat.

He looked up and your heart dropped when you got a look at his face. His eyes were dull, compared to the fire they always held. He had dark circle sunder his eyes and his nose was red and irritated. His uniform was still perfect. His eyes lightened up a little seeing you, but that quickly diminished as he grabbed a stack of papers off the corner of his desk.

“Here are your resignation papers.” He muttered. “I filled everything out, all I need are your signatures.” You sat down in one of the large seats infront of his desk.

“I don’t want to leave.” You stated. He smiled at you softly. “I do what to be transferred to a different Sergeant/group whatever it’s called.” His smile instantly faltered.

“Of course”. He gave you a small smile, despite the sad look in his eyes.

“Well it wouldn’t be fair to everyone if I got special treatment because we were together.” You smiled. His head shot up from his paperwork.

“Is that another trick?” He mumbled suspiciously. You bit your lips and shook your head.

“If you still want to, I want to.” You smiled softly. He nodded his head quickly, the familiar spark in his eyes coming back.

“I would love that! And I promise no more hospitals- unless you’re having my baby of course.” He chuckled. You rolled your eyes.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. I’m still mad at you, ya know.” You scolded.

“I don’t blame you.” He leaned over his desk his face serious. “What can I do go make it up to you?” He asked softly. You leaned forward too so your forhead were pressed together.

“How about dinner and a ice cream?” You chuckled.

“You have yourself a deal.” He pressed a quick kiss to your lips.

[starryknight09]

Trust me

Febuwhump Day 20: betrayal

Read on AO3.

________________________________________________________

Peter webbed from building to building going faster and faster until it all became a blur.  He didn’t know what to do.  He didn’t know where to go.  Everyone knew he was Spiderman now.  No place was safe anymore.  Not as Spiderman or Peter Parker.  Beck had made sure of that.

“May is calling.” Karen announced.

“Answer.” He instructed and a wave of guilt surged through him.  He should’ve thought about May right away.  As soon as his identity had been compromised, she should’ve been his first thought, but he’d panicked and completely forgotten about her.  And she could be in danger.

“Peter?!” Her voice came over the line and she sounded just as afraid as he felt.

“May?”

“Oh my god Peter.  Are you all right?”

“I’m fine May.  Are you ok?  Are you somewhere safe?  You need to get somewhere safe.”

“I am honey.  Don’t worry about me.  I can take care of myself.  It’s you I’m worried about.”

To be honest he was worried about himself too, but he didn’t want May to worry.  “Don’t worry May.  I’ll be-I’ll be fine.”

“Ok do you have a plan?  Do you know where you’re going?”

“I don’t think I should tell you.  It’s probably better if you don’t know.” Which was likely true but it also made it so he didn’t have to tell her he had no clue where he was going to go.  Now that everyone knew his identity, going to May or MJ or Ned weren’t options.

“You’re probably right.  But promise me you’ll stay safe.”

“I promise.” He winced.  He hated lying to his aunt.

“And let me know you’re ok.  When you can.”

“I will.”

“I love you Peter.”

“I love you too and I’m…I’m sorry for all of this.”

“It’s not your fault honey.  And I know it’s all going to work out.”

He wished he had her optimism, because at the moment, he couldn’t see any way this was going to work out.

“Ok.  I’ll talk to you as soon as I can May.”

“Bye Peter.”

“Bye.”

Karen ended the call and by now he’d left the city and crossed over into New York state.  When he reached the outskirts of the civilization, he kept going, escaping into the trees, and breathing the first sigh of relief since his face had been splashed all over the news in New York.  Instead of stopping now that he was in the cover of the forest, he kept going.  Webbing and webbing.  Away.  Away.  Until the sun dipped.  And all his energy had been depleted.  Along with his web fluid.  He stretched his arm out and flexed his wrist and…nothing.  Oh shit.  Luckily, he was only about twenty feet in the air compared to his usual one to two hundred.

He slammed into the ground, the leaves cushioning his fall as he rolled across the dirt until he came to stop spread eagle on his back.

“Yep.  That’s about right.  This is exactly how my day’s been going.” He mumbled to himself as he laid there staring up at the darkening sky.  He should get up.  But he didn’t.  What was the point?  He had nowhere to go.  No destination in mind besides fleeing the city, which he’d already done.  So he pulled his mask off, crumpled it up like a pillow under his head, and stayed there as the light faded away and stars appeared in the sky.  Eventually he fell asleep.

**********

Something bright pierced his eyelids.  He groaned and turned his head away, but it followed him.  As he cracked his eyes open, the sun directly overhead practically blinded him.  He winced and raised a hand into the air to try to block its glare.  Why was it so bright?  He must’ve been more exhausted than he’d thought.  It looked like he’d slept half the entire morning away if the position of the sun was any indication.  Rubbing his eyes, he sat up, and a wave of lightheadedness hit him.  Right.  He hadn’t eaten or drunk anything in probably close to 24 hours.  As he focused on his body, he noticed his mouth felt dry and slight tremors ran through his limbs, which meant his blood sugar was tanking.  Great.  He had no food, no water, and no clue where he was besides somewhere in the middle of nowhere New York.  And he had no idea what to do.  

“You seem to be in a bit of trouble.” A voice said from behind him.

He shot to his feet, staggering from dizziness.  Having to defend himself like this wasn’t going to be ideal.  How had anyone even found him?  In the next second he realized he didn’t have to worry.  The person standing in front of him was a friend.  Sort of.  At least he thought so.

“Oh.  Hey, um, Dr. Strange.” He gave him a weak wave.

Dr. Strange raised an eyebrow at him.

“What can I do for you?” He asked tiredly, although if he had to help the wizard with some kind of mission right now he might cry.

“I think the question is what can I do for you?” Dr. Strange responded, cryptically, as usual.

Peter sighed.  “Look man, I’m not really in the mood to play guessing games, so if you could get to the point…”

That got a smirk out of the man as he held an arm out, beckoning Peter toward him.  “Come with me.”

There was no reason not to.  His two choices were to stay here, thirsty and hungry with no options in the middle of the woods, or go with the wizard to someplace that might actually be safe and have food and water.  It wasn’t a choice.  He stepped forward and waited as Dr. Strange moved his hands to form a golden portal.

“After you.” Dr. Strange said, gesturing for Peter to step through.

“Sure.  Why not?” He shrugged.  This all seemed nuts, but at this point so many crazy things had happened in his life, he didn’t question it.  He stepped through the portal, Dr. Strange right behind him.

He stopped up short the moment he saw where Dr. Strange had taken him.

“Why are we here?” He asked angrily.

“This is where I was asked to bring you.” Dr. Strange answered simply and started walking toward the house in front of them.

“Asked by who?” He frowned but hesitantly followed Dr. Strange as he walked up the steps to the front door of the cabin.  Because that’s where he’d taken him.  The Stark’s cabin.  When the last thing he wanted to do was to implicate Pepper in any way since he seemed to be one of the world’s most wanted criminals at the moment.  It was the same reason why he hadn’t called Happy for help either.  He hadn’t wanted to get the other man arrested and accused of being an accessory to a murderer or something.

“You’ll see.” Dr. Strange answered noncommittally.  Maybe Pepper had asked him?  He wouldn’t put it past her.  They’d never been particularly close before the snap, but ever since he’d come back, she’d made a real effort to spend time with him and to introduce him to Morgan.  And Pepper was badass enough to decide to shelter him if she thought it was right, to hell with the consequences.

Dr. Strange opened the door and walked in without knocking.  Peter blinked.  That was kind of rude.  But he followed a step behind.

“I found your errant child.” Dr. Strange loudly announced as soon as the door closed behind Peter.

For a second he thought the house was empty, which didn’t make any sense because then who was Dr. Strange talking to?  Then he heard a pair of footsteps upstairs.  But just one.

“Is Pepper here?” He asked.  If she was, he wondered where Morgan was.

Dr. Strange shook his head, looking toward the stairs, waiting.

“Then who—”

The person upstairs descended the staircase and came into view.  At the sight of him, Peter forgot to breathe.  His entire being stuttered to a stop.  Because it wasn’t possible.  What he was seeing.  For a brief moment, he thought maybe Beck hadn’t died and this was all just one elaborate illusion, but if that were the case, his spidey sense should be screaming at him.  And it was completely silent.

“Kid.” The man said as he reached the bottom of the stairs.  Peter just stared.  How could this be?  It couldn’t be, because the person walking toward him was supposed to be dead.  Peter had watched him die.

He felt the blood drain from his face, the entire shock of it too much to handle.

“Pete?” The dead but not so dead guy said his name with a characteristic concern, exactly how Peter remembered it.  There was no way that could be faked.  He had no idea what kind of face he was making at this revelation, but he didn’t have time to worry about it, because the edges of his vision had started fading away.  He realized too late he was about to pass out.  He flung an arm out but grasped only thin air, nothing and no one close enough to grab ahold of.  Everything went dark.  His last sight was Mr. Stark’s worried expression as he rushed forward to try to catch him.

**********

“I think he’s coming around.”

“Back up a little.”

“You back up.”

“I am.  You’re the one not giving him any room to breathe.”

“He can breathe just fine.”

“You’re hovering.”

“Oh shut up.”

Peter frowned at the bickering.

“Pete?  Can you hear me?” He wasn’t imaging things.  That was Mr. Stark’s voice.

His eyes flew open and the man was leaning over him.

“Mr. Stark?” He said his name like a prayer.

The man smirked.  “In the flesh.”

“But…  What?  How?”

“First things first.” Dr. Strange interrupted, shoving a glass of orange juice in his hand.  “Drink this.”

Peter sat up, Mr. Stark helping him with a hand on his back.  He was solid.  Real.  Peter still couldn’t believe it. He drained the juice as he stared at Mr. Stark with wide eyes.  

“Good.” Dr. Strange said when he’d finished, taking the empty glass away and setting it on the nearby coffee table.  “If that’s all, I’ll take my leave.” The man told Mr. Stark.

“Yes.  Thank you.” Mr. Stark said appreciatively.

“Give him fluids.  Feed him.  He’ll be fine.” Dr. Strange said and a second later he disappeared through another gold portal.

Peter stared at the spot where he’d disappeared for a few seconds.  None of this made any sense.  This whole thing was way too weird.

Mr. Stark moved to sit next to him on the couch.  “Sorry for the scare kid.  I guess there’s no good way to let someone know you’re not dead.”

“How…” He shook his head, trying to center his thoughts.  “How is this possible?”

“It’s a long story.  But the short of it is the Wakandans have some crazy advanced medical technology and they worked together with Cho and the Guardian space guys somehow managed to bring me back.”

“But…  It’s been eight months.  You’ve been alive this whole time?” The first hint of emotion besides shock broke through, and it was anger.

“Technically, yes but—”

Peter stood, suddenly too upset to sit.

“Careful kid.” Mr. Stark warned, putting an arm out in case he got lightheaded again, but the overprotectiveness only added fuel to the fire.  Mr. Stark could play the concerned act all he wanted, but where was he when Peter had needed him?  When it actually counted?  He’d been alive this entire time?  While Peter had been struggling, mourning him.  A sense of absolute betrayal overcame him.

“So what, we’ve been mourning you and you’ve been alive this entire time?” He voiced his thoughts.  “Do you have any idea how hard it was for everyone?  How hard it was for me with you gone?  You left us all behind!  You snapped the gauntlet without a second thought to what it’d be like for everyone you left behind!”

“That’s not true.” Mr. Stark interrupted.

“But it is!  Because it always has to be you!  Why?  Why couldn’t it have been someone else for a change?” Peter didn’t realize he was crying until his voice broke.  “I needed you and you weren’t there.

“I know.  I’m sorry.” Mr. Stark said, standing and wrapping his arms around him.  Peter thought about pushing away, but he needed the man’s comfort more than his own anger.

“I really screwed up.” He mumbled into Mr. Stark’s chest.

“It’s ok.  We’re going to figure it out.” Mr. Stark brushed a hand down the back of his head.

“Everyone knows I’m Spiderman and Beck made me look like a murderer.”

“I know.” Of course Mr. Stark knew.  He probably knew Peter had given up EDITH and everything else that had come after.  The shame of it washed over him.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Mr. Stark said.  “You did the best you could with the information you had.”

He didn’t really believe it and just figured Mr. Stark was trying to be kind to him, but he didn’t argue.

“And I just want you know, even though I’ve been alive this whole time, I didn’t wake up until a month ago when they made a breakthrough with some technology Thor and his new friends found in space, and even then they weren’t sure I’d survive.  I didn’t want anyone to know about me until I knew I’d make it.  I thought it’d be easier that way if things went bad.  Not even Pepper knew until a week ago.”

“Oh.  I’m sorry for what I said then.” Peter said, pulling back to look his mentor in the eyes.

Mr. Stark let out an amused huff.  “Water under the bridge Underoos.  Believe me, what you said didn’t even hold a candle to Pepper’s rant.”

Peter smiled.  He believed it.

“Sit down and I’ll bring you a sandwich.” Mr. Stark gestured back to the couch.  “Strange said to feed you up remember?”

“I’m fine.” He said but sat anyway as the man walked out to the kitchen.

Mr. Stark returned a few minutes later with a glass of water and a plate with a sandwich, a bag of chips, and apple slices on it.  He handed it to him and took a seat next to him on the couch.

“Thanks.” Peter said and took a huge bite out of the sandwich.  He was starving.  When he’d finished chewing he asked, “So what now?”

“Now you let us work on fixing this, and in the meantime, you sit tight and lay low here.” Mr. Stark said as if it were that simple.

His disbelief must’ve shone on his face because his mentor gripped him reassuringly at the back of his neck and added, “I’ve got this kid.  It’s all going to be ok.  Trust me.”

“Ok.” He said softly with a nod.  That he could do.

[totallynormalfanficauthor]

The Visitor - Chapter 3

Short summary: Jack finds Sally sleeping outside his house, so he invites her inside.

Pairings: Jack/ Sally

—

Chapter Three

words of love

"Sally? Sally are you okay?"

The ragdoll was lying on the floor, her head pounding furiously in pain.

After walking into the kitchen, she had hit something, and fallen backwards. During her fall, she had slammed the back of her head into the counter before hitting the floor, momentarily knocking her out. When she gained consciousness a few seconds later, the first thing she felt was a hand placed on her arm, followed by a voice softly calling her name.

"Sally? Sally please!"

The hand on her arm gently nudged her. She stirred, blinking her eyes open slightly. It took a second for her vision to focus, but when it did, she wasn't at all surprised by what she saw.

Jack was sitting next to her on the ground, on his knees. He was leaning toward her, trying to wake her up. Worry was plastered all over his features.

"Ow..." Sally winced as pain continued to throb in the back of her head. The ragdoll carefully blinked her eyes the rest of the way open.

"Sally!" Jack let go of her arm. "Thank god, you're awake. I am so sorry, are you alright?!"

She struggled to sit up, leaning her back against the counter. She rubbed her hand against the bruised spot on the back of her head, hoping to reduce the pain.

"Er...yeah..." She answered, "I-I'm alright..."

Jack tilted his head. "You don't sound very well..." Sally waved it off.

"I just fell, is all. I'll be fine..."

"It looked like quite a nasty fall, though- you seemed to hit your head pretty hard. You're not dizzy are you? Does it hurt?" He looked concerned.

She rubbed her head again. "Of course it...hurts a little, but, I assure you, Jack, I'm fine. And...no, I'm not dizzy."

The skeleton sighed. "...alright.." He stood up, taking a second to smooth out his pajama top before turning back to his injured friend and holding out his hand to help her up. "Please, forgive me, Sally...this is my fault. You crashed directly into me- If I'd have-"

"-No, Jack, It's okay. It's more my fault than yours.." She took his hand and stood up. "If I had been looking where I was going, I wouldn't have ran into you. Even then, It's really not that big of a deal. I'm fine, see?" She turned her head and smiled a little. "If anything, I should be the one apologizing for..bumping into you.."

Jack shook his skull.

"Nonsense. I'm not the one who hit my head..." He sighed again. "I'm just...I'm glad you're okay." Sally nodded.

"Yes...I'm fine" she assured him, and she was serious. The pain was starting to fade.

Jack nodded once. He looked at her for a moment before asking, "..What were you coming out here for? If you don't mind me asking...." He tilted his head. "It's just that it's..rather late, and, I expected you to be asleep by now, considering how tired you were."

Sally blinked. "Oh! Well..I..." she rubbed her arm. "I've just been..having some trouble sleeping, is all. I just came out to get a drink." she looked back up at him, letting a piece of hair fall over her shoulder. "...what are you doing up?" she asked. Jack smiled.

"Same as you, it seems.." he chuckled. "I was just getting some water myself. In fact, here-" He reached over to the counter and picked up a small glass, already filled with the clear liquid. "I haven't drank out of it yet- so you can have mine"

Sally took the cup from him. She felt her cheeks begin to warm. "Oh..Jack..are you sure?" She asked, looking down at the glass in her hands. It was cold. Jack nodded.

"Of course," he answered, walking over to the nearby cabinet. He opened its door and reached inside, pulling out a new glass for himself and then walking back over to the sink to fill it. "Not a problem at all."

Sally smiled, biting her lip a bit. "Well...Thank you..." she said, bringing the cup up to her ruby lips and taking a few sips. It was very cold, very refreshing.

Jack watched her for a second, before bringing the cup up and taking his own drink. His was also very cold.

After a second, the two both put their cups down. Sally wiped her mouth. It was then that it occurred to her- she remembered the real reason she wanted to come get a drink. Not because she was thirsty- but because she was afraid. All those thoughts about the Doctor came back to her. She had never escaped from the tower for this long before. It had been hours! Worse yet, it was the middle of the night! What was she supposed to tell him when she got back?! She can't possibly come clean and admit that she spent the night in the king's manor! Especially since the Doctor knew about her feelings for him! How would that look?! But she can't just lie! Sally was terrible at lying!

The feeling of sickness returned to her stomach. Her face went pale. Finkelstein was going to be very angry. She was scared of him when he was angry. Oh, what was she to-

"Sally?"

A soft voice called, cutting off her thoughts. She looked up. Jack was watching her. He put his cup down on the counter and walked over to her, until he was standing right next to her. He studied her carefully, concern in his sockets. "...is something wrong? You don't look well..."

"Jack....I...." She closed her eyes. As much as she didn't want to bother him with her own problems, she felt as though she didn't have a choice. What else was she to do? Jack was probably the one person who would be able to help her. Besides, it's not like she was going to disturb him- he was already awake, down here with her in the kitchen, asking what was wrong. She sighed. "Yes, Jack...something is wrong..." She kept her eyes closed and her head down. Jack, meanwhile, was frowning.

"Oh, dear...I'm sorry. What's the matter?"

"...Jack..could you...could you come back to the sofa with me?" She asked, looking up at him now. "I really...need to talk to you. And it feels like a more appropriate place..."

The skeleton tilted his head, taking a moment to think. When Sally noticed him hesitate, she added quickly. "-I know, it's late, and I'm sure you'd rather be going back to bed, but...I need your help..."

Jack nodded. "Of course, Sal. I don't mind." He gave her an understanding smile. "I can tell something is bothering you. I am more than happy to help you in any way that I can."

A tiny smile formed on Sally's lips as well. Her face flushed a bit.

"Thank you, Jack....that means..so much to me.."

"But of course!" He placed a hand on her shoulder. "You're one of my closest friends, Sally. I'd do anything for you."

She blinked, her face flushing darker. The Ragdoll just stared at him..not sure what to say. Jack spun her around.

"Come on, now. Let's get back to the couch, and you can tell me what's troubling you. Okay?" Sally nodded, walking alongside him. She blushed as their arms touched.

"Yeah..."

——

By the time they got back to the sofa, Sally felt a little bit calmer. Not much, but better. At least she now felt ready to tell her friend what was causing her so much trouble.

She sat down on the sofa, and he sat next to her, turning to face her immediately.

"Now..." He started, "...please, tell me. What's wrong?" he tilted his head a bit. Sally sighed, unsure where she should even begin. Jack, noticing her hesitation, continued. "....there's something going on at home, isn't there?" he guessed. Sally bit her lip. After a second, she nodded.

"Yes..."

"I thought maybe...." he frowned. "You don't seem very...happy there. At the tower, I mean."

She shook her head. "I'm not...not very happy at all.." Sally looked down, a sad expression on her face. It pained Jack to see her like this. He placed a hand on her shoulder.

"..If you don't mind me asking, why is that?"

".....the doctor."

"What?" He raised a skullbrow. "Doctor Finkelstein? What's the trouble with him?" She turned back to face him again.

"He isn't very kind to me....all I ever really do at home is work and chores. But..that isn't the main problem."

"Then...what is?"

She played with her hands nervously.  "He doesn't..let me leave the tower.."

"What? I've seen you in town before-"

"-I'm not supposed to be..."

The skeleton looked a bit confused. "Then...how-"

"I have to sneak out, Jack." She confessed, picking at her nailpolish. "I-I'm sorry, I just....I hate being stuck there all the time! It's awful. The tower can get so suffocating. But..he gets mad when I leave like this..so I try not to. But sometimes, I just can't help it.."

"So that's why you didn't want me to take you back?" she nodded as he continued. "...you had run away earlier tonight, hadn't you?"

"Yes..I did. The Doctor had come into my room to yell at me. I got upset and..all I wanted to do was leave."

"Yell at you?" Jack tilted his head. "What for?" Sally bit her lip, wishing she hadn't said that. Her face flushed.

"Oh..uh, it's really...just...the reason isn't really important right now, you know?" she excused quickly. He looked a bit puzzled for a second, before his expression softened.

"I see.." he shook his head. "..This doesn't seem right, Sally. There's absolutely no reason he needs to be keeping you there."

"I know..."

"Would you like me to have a talk with him? I'm sure I-"

"-No!" She shouted. Jack blinked, caught off guard by the way she raised her voice for the second time that night. "Jack, please, don't talk to him about this. He can't know what I've told you. I'll be in worse trouble than I'm already in.."

The skeleton sighed. "Alright, then. I won't." He paused before adding, "..I'm very sorry you have to deal with this. You don't deserve it. You should have just as much freedom as anyone else."

"I know...but it's alright. I'm fine, really. Just..." she looked him in the eyes. "...you don't care that I've been sneaking out?"

"What?" Jack placed  a hand on her shoulder. "Of course I don't. If he won't let you out, do whatever you need to. I mean... if you don't escape, I'd never get to see you. We can't have that! You're one of my dearest friends, after all." The ends of his stitched lips curled into a smile as he finished his sentence.

Sally's mouth gaped slightly and the blushing on her face darkened. She couldn't hardly believe what she was hearing. She had expected him to be angry with her when she told him about breaking the rules and disobeying the doctor- or at least, disappointed. But he wasn't either of those things at all. In fact, he was encouraging her. Why? Because he wanted to see her.

"Jack, I.." she placed a hand on her face. "..th-that...means so much to me to hear...from you. I don't know what to say...thank you...."

"You're welcome." he nodded. "-and I'm happy to help in any way that I can."

"Oh! That just..reminded me.." She told him, sitting up straight. She had almost forgotten the original reason she wanted to talk to him about this in the first place! She cleared her throat before continuing. "There..ahem...actually is something I need your help with...if you're willing.." He nodded.

"Oh, for sure. Anything for you. What is it?"

Sally looked down, her face still pink but her expression saddened. "Finkelstein will be very angry with me when I go home in the morning. And even more angry if I tell him I stayed...here. I just..wanted to ask you if you could maybe..come with me, and try to talk with him? I just hate it when he locks me in my room for so long..." She looked up at him as she finished her sentence. There was a look of understanding in his sockets. "..I just think he'd listen better to you than he would to me. Just explaining..you know...what happened."

Jack closed his eyes momentarily before nodding in response. "You know what? I think you're right. And I don't want you to get in trouble, of course. I'd be more than happy to come along and assist." He smiled.

She smiled back at him, all traces of sorrow gone from her stitched face. It made her heart swell to hear him say that. She knew she was blushing again.

"Thank you very much, Jack." She cooed softly.

"No problem."

Sally sighed. She knew she could count on him to be there for her. He was always there for her. As she stared up at the smile plastered onto his adorable skull, another wave of admiration crashed over her. She closed her eyes.

"Why are you so kind to me?" she blurted out. Even if it was a strange question, she just needed an answer. It really felt like she didn't deserve him.

Jack looked confused. "What do you mean?" he asked. Sally went back to playing shyly with her hair.

"It's just that...ever since you found me outside your home earlier, it's been one kind gesture after the next. I almost feel like I don't deserve it." She gathered her courage to look him in the eyes, scooting a bit closer to him, "..like I don't deserve you."

He stared at her for a moment, unsure how to respond. He was tapping the sofa with two of his fingers. He had a strange look in his eye sockets that reflected a 'can't believe what I'm hearing' look. Then, he shook his skull.

"Sally, of course you deserve it. I'm treating you the way you should be treated: with respect. You're my most trusted friend, and I care a lot about you." He shifted closer to her until their legs were almost touching. "-You're the most kind hearted person I know, and every moment we spend together is enjoyable. I tend to feel in a better mood when you're around, probably because you're such an easy person to talk to- and I appreciate that very much. You've always listened to what I have to say, regardless of what it's about, whereas everyone else just wants to know about my plans for Halloween or throw compliments at me. But...not you. And that's something I just love about you, Sally." He finished his sentence with a soft tone and leaned towards his friend, without realizing it. Sally leaned in as well, her face was flushed and she looked like she was about to cry from the way his words touched her. "...so, please, don't ever say you don't deserve me. Because you do."

"Oh, Jack..." Sally wiped her eyes. "D-Do you...really mean it?"

A wave of adoration for his friend swept over him as he looked at her. She just looked so...cute. Jack was feeling things in his ribcage now. Things he'd never felt before, and couldn't recognize. But right now, he didn't care. Instead, he smiled, letting his eyes go half lidded as he leaned in to give her his answer.

"Every word."

For Sally, that was the last thing needed to be said. She felt so much love for this skeleton in her heart, she thought it might explode. She closed her eyes.

"You don't know how much that means to me to hear..from you of all people." She reopened her eyes and looked at him half lidded. "I care so much about you as well. I always..love it when I see you. You make me very happy, Jack. Sometimes I..I don't know what I'd do without you..." She closed her eyes again, blushing.

Jack closed his eyes as well. He felt..strange. What was this feeling? It was so new..but exciting! But...what exactly was it? And why was he feeling it right now of all times?

'You know what? Who cares' Jack decided. Whatever this feeling in his chest was, he liked it. It made him feel happy, and for some reason, when he opened his sockets a bit and saw Sally sitting next to him, it grew a lot stronger.

There was undoubtedly love in Jack's heart. Even if he couldn't recognize it.

"I feel the same about you"

At this point, neither of them were fully paying attention to what they were doing, so caught up in the moment and both their hearts full of emotion.

Eyes closed, it only took a second for them to drift closer, and closer, until their lips interlocked.

It sent a jolt of electricity down Sally's back, but her brain hadn't caught up yet and she barely even realized what was happening.

Neither of them did.

After a moment they both pulled away, still dazed. But as soon as they opened their eyes, their expressions of pure love were replaced with complete shock. It only took Jack and Sally a second to realize what just happened.

They just kissed.

They just kissed.

They both stared at each other, frozen and wide eyed. Sally felt like she was malfunctioning. Her heart was pounding furiously inside her chest and she could feel the flustered heat radiating off her face.

Jack didn't feel much better himself. It was probably a full minute before he finally spoke up. He managed to get full words out, although his tone was slightly shaky.

".....well..I, uh, should be getting back to bed now, I suppose..."

The ragdoll gripped the sofa. "Yeah..." she responded, "I-I guess that's...probably a good idea. I-it's getting late, after all.."

Jack nodded. She noticed he seemed to be avoiding her gaze. The skeleton stood up off the couch and brushed himself off. He took a few steps over to the door and opened it, but paused before leaving.

"...goodnight, then.."

"....goodnight.."

And with that, Jack sighed, leaving the room and shutting the door quietly behind him.

Sally stared into the darkness. She was still trying to wrap her brain around what just happened.

Jack Skellington, the man she's had the biggest crush on for as long as she can remember, had just showered her in compliments- and then she kissed him.

And he kissed back.

A warm, happy smile spread across her face. She closed her eyes, running her finger along her lips.

'I actually did it...I actually kissed him...'

Part of her couldn't hardly believe it. But it was true- she really kissed him.

Sally fell back onto the couch, pulling the covers up under her chin and giggling. Her heart soared.

Maybe she had a chance with the love of her life after all.

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 4: To exist (Part 6)

Warnings: mention of drugs

Author notes: debate about how I depicted Yōko’s condition in the 4th part is opened! More seriously, this is one long part, but I hope you’ll like it. To be honest, that part was the one which made me so nervous about the chapter... Don’t hesitate to give me your opinion! Also, I realised I liked reblogs too! ^^

It was night when I woke up. The first thing I noticed in the darkness was the thing pressed onto my face. An oxygen mask. It was not there before. Had my body tried to give up on me again? After all, I was not supposed to be alive... And Lord was I thirsty. The tips of my fingers moved and I looked for the pager to call the nurse, who fortunately was never far from the infirmary. She turned on a small light and came to the side of my bed. I pointed to the breathing machine.

"Your oxygen saturation suddenly dropped while you were sleeping… Your body still needs to recover from the overdose, after all... Not to mention that nasty pneumonia… Hopefully, you are fine." She explained.

"I..." My voice was husky, but I could talk "What…?"

Morphine overdose…? Pneumonia…? What about my ability…?

"I'll bring you some water." She smiled "You are recovering just fine. Your body is trying to hold on."

I requested to sit up by myself, and slowly raised my back from the mattress to take the cup of water in my shaking hands. Feebly, I brought it to my mouth, and drank, absolutely relishing in the sensation of hydration.

"That's good." She complimented me "You should have some rest now."

"Wait…" I still had some trouble breathing "What exactly… What exactly killed me…?"

"Although it is clear your ability made you suffer, Ogawa-san, the thing that almost took your life today was morphine…" She sighed "And I even told you to be careful…"

"I don't understand…"

"It caused a severe respiratory depression." She explained "It means you could not breathe anymore, which made your oxygen saturation drop tremendously…"

"But… My headache… My fatigue… The pain… The coughing, even…!"

"Muscle pains and intracranial hypertension — your headache — are after effects of morphine. The fact you could not sleep first caused your headache, of course, but also made you weak, which is why you somehow caught pneumonia. That explains the coughing. As I said, we can't deny your ability was highly involved, but all that pain was increased by the drug." She explained "Only, you were never diagnosed because… You would never come for anything other than being stitched up like a ragged cloth…"

"... I see…" I looked down "I see…"

"Ogawa-san…" She took my hand into her "It isn't your fault…"

"No, indeed… I… I was just stupid… I caused this… I'm such a fool…"

Tears fell onto the sheets but I did not mind. All that pain… I had inflicted it myself.

"And… Dazai-san..." I exhaled "Is he... Is he alright...?"

The few words and reactions I could have witnessed when being awake had clearly indicated he did feel some guilt, inside. I did not want him to think it was his fault I was dying; it was all just a mistake I had committed.

"That stubborn child refused to leave..." She sighed "He constantly kept an eye on you and was the first one to notice the drop of your saturation. I... Think this accident made him reflect on himself."

"I don't know..." I looked down, only to finally notice he was still there, asleep with his head on the bed.

"That's only my opinion..." The nurse shrugged "He never let go of you, fearing you would wake up if his ability did not cancel yours."

"It's untrue..." I refused to believe it "He... He doesn't care... He is just putting on an act... As soon as I get better, he will... Again..."

Just imagining him beating me up again was enough to stress me out, and the monitor's rhythm increased with my heartbeat. Waking him up.

"Nurse, there is a —"

He saw me, and did not finish his sentence.

"You must calm down..." The nurse advised, laying me back "We will talk it out after your recovery. For now, you must not be anxious about anything."

"What's the point in recovering if I have to come back after...?" I murmured.

"What's going on...?" My superior looked at the nurse.

"Nothing you should care about for the moment. But, understand her nervousness... And I share her concern. Why are you suddenly nice toward Ogawa-san?" She frowned "It is not my business, but the bruises I wrapped up for her speak for themselves."

"... My hand must have slipped while I was dozing off..." He dodged the matter "I'll cancel your ability again, Ogawa-kun."

"Why...?" I avoided his touch "Why now? Why are you even here? What are you trying to make me believe?"

"... Is that how you see me? A liar...?" He looked upset.

"Not a liar. A puppeteer." I confessed, sincerely terrified "I can't understand what you think... I can only think about your ulterior motives, always, always... I am afraid of being played with..."

"I've never tried to manipulate your feelings to gain your loyalty..." He defended.

"Stop this nonsense, please… Manipulating… You do that all too well…! You do that all the time…"

"Ogawa-kun… Not with you…"

"Why did you praise me so randomly once, just to beat the crap out of me the next day, then?" I started sobbing "I don't understand... Do you just hate me...?"

"I don't hate you...! Obviously I don't hate you..."

"Then, am I too weak...?"

"That's not it..."

The nurse had left, most certainly to let us talk alone.

"What is it, then? Are you just bipolar...?! Or am I insane...?"

"I just wanted to train you... I wanted to make you stronger so you did not die... I honestly never noticed I was the one killing you." Dazai-san lowered his head "It's embarrassing, but I did not know about your pain, about your addiction... Until yesterday. Am I not a useless executive...? Had I done something… Had I done something, perhaps you never would have ended in such a state."

"... Right now..." I gripped onto the sheets "I am not sure whether you are acting or being sincere... I'm sorry, Dazai-san..."

"I don't want you to die!" He said, more willingly "I don't want you to die... Being tough and merciless was the actual act... I wanted you to grow accustomed to the Mafia... I wanted you to cast away your emotions, not to be morally struggling with decisions... I wanted to toughen you up, so you would resist against the enemies, so you would be mentally strong... But the only thing I managed to create was a machine, expert in torture and assassination, who does the job without a glance behind, who sheds blood with no hesitation, who looks down on pain... In a way, I obtained what I wanted, but... It isn't you. It isn't the girl who cried for attention that I first met. When I look at you and see fear, hatred, disgust and resentment in your eyes, I can't help thinking I did something wrong... But I could not understand what... Until you told me you wanted me to kill you. At this moment, I knew that nothing I had attempted with you would work. I've recently come to realise I was only hurting you... Forcefully making you face such violence, trying to mould you into the perfect subordinate... I have to admit it was a mistake. I can't believe I am the one who turned off that flickering yet bright flame of life in your eyes, whereas... Whereas it shone so warmly..."

It was understandable that someone who yearned to end his life would be fascinated by someone willing to live. That I was the one he was drawn to, however, was surprising. His words made me doubt as well. Indeed, since when had I become such a cold-hearted person? Since when had I killed without even a thought for the victim? Since when had I looked so eagerly for the worst methods of torture? I suddenly remembered how reluctant I had been to join the Port Mafia, how I had pretended to prefer dying... Since when had I lost my will to stay alive?

"You always repeat that the weak must die… I am weak, then why won't you let me leave? I questioned, curtly.

"Because... Because I want you to fetch me a cup of coffee, I want you to classify the paperwork for me...!" He sounded like a child about to throw a tantrum "The office... It felt less empty with you inside..."

"Now, you're just being difficult…" I looked away "I want to believe you, Dazai-san, I really want to. However… You've so often changed your mind and I am tired. I can't afford to be deceived anymore… I don't want to be disappointed in someone anymore…"

"... I know..." Dazai-san's eyes focused on his feet "I understand... It leaves an empty hole in your chest, you don't know what to think anymore... I know that... I didn't think I would make you feel that way, nonetheless..."

"You... You understand my point...?" I frowned.

"Of course... People are never what they seem. You, for example, look strong, determined, yet you are so sick you could die at any moment. People tell sweet lies in front of you, yet curse you when you are not looking. I know that..." He chuckled bitterly "Perhaps the problem comes from me... Perhaps am I a failure of a human being, tired of living, but mostly —"

"Afraid of your fellows…" I stared at him, finally understanding "You're afraid of us… And you don't know how to behave around me… That's why you seem so lunatic…"

"Do you hate me for that...? No, such a question... It is obvious you would hate me..."

"I've already told you… There are many people who do that better than me…" I paused to catch my breath "I don't hate you, Dazai-san. In fact, I pity you… And I feel… A bit stupid…"

I had believed Dazai-san was purposely rough and contemptuous toward me, because he did not like me, because I was too weak, because I was worthless. In fact... In fact, whereas he did not like me, he did not loathe me either, and that alone was enough to appease me. There was some place for me by his side, as a subordinate. I could keep serving him, obeying his commands, and he would not mind. If only I would not die... I could have strived to understand the pain gnawing at him from the inside, I could have tried to comprehend his feelings, instead of detesting him as I had done. At the very least, toughening me up had permitted me to survive in the cruel world of darkness the Port Mafia belonged to.

"What you did was undeniably wrong… You can't teach one if you use violence… Hitting me, abusing me, harassing me… Nothing can ever erase this fact… If I cannot forget, then, at least, I can try to forgive. You are the reason I survived so far, and for that I am grateful."

"You shouldn't be grateful that I treated you so brutally..."

"To be honest…" I recalled my time by his side, not without a tinge of bitterness "I really wanted to strive, to be a proper subordinate, worthy of being the protege of the infamous Demon Prodigy's… I guess I wanted to be useful, somehow, for once in my life. I wanted to exist, to be acknowledged as a human being. You did that, though… You treated me as a human being, although it was not ideal. You did not ignore me, at least. Thank you, Dazai-san, for making me feel alive, even if it was short."

"I don't deserve your thanks… But you're welcome…" He avoided my look.

"What are you afraid of? From me, I mean?"

"Huh…?"

"What could I do to harm you? What could I say to hurt you? Scheming against you? You would find out immediately. Talking behind your back? Many people do that. Besides, I've always been honest about you; I can't stand you. Well, I couldn't…" I mumbled "So… Why?"

"Why, indeed… It's not just about you…"

"I know… I'm not asking you to trust me… I just want to know that, if you need a loyal subordinate, you have one."

"Ogawa-kun… You can't mean it, not after everything I've done…"

"Oh but I do mean it. It is my way to redeem myself, too."

"... What do you mean…?"

I avoided his eyes for a moment, strangely unable to face the inquisitive and somewhat hopeful expression he wore. Why did he have to look so childish? So harmless? Although… He had not always acted like a cold adult man… All the times he had bickered with Nakahara-san, all the times he had dropped the mask of toughness to smile at me, even faintly, and that one time he had sounded relieved when I had recovered from the wounds inflicted by Gustavo Cosola… In fact, I had never paid attention to him, despite the warning Oda-san had given me. I did not understand him, nor did I know him. Dazai-san had troubles and I had forgotten that under the armour of the Demon Prodigy was hidden a small, terrified sixteen years old child, who strangely resembled me. Behind a wall of mercilessness, we were just teenagers who had grown up too quickly and had been thrown without concern in a world of adults, forced to become adults ourselves and to carry the immense burden of death upon our shoulders.

"I was too selfish…" I muttered "Too centered on myself. I did not see that it wasn't easy for you either…"

"Ogawa-kun…" He sighed "I have to confess something, since you're honest with me; everything I did was to train you… But I would lie if I said I never took my frustration out on you. On bad days, or only to hide my weakness, I beat you up without caring about your improvement. The light that shone in your eyes… Yes, there were times I wanted to turn it off. How dared you hold onto life? How could you believe in tomorrow? Break, cry, fall into despair or die being worthless, these were my actual thoughts."

"What do you hope to achieve by telling this to me?" I asked simply.

"I wanted to see if you would loathe me, now."

"Dazai-san… I knew all that. I mean, it was obvious you had some stress to let out." I tilted my head "The only thing I really resent you for is not teaching me to control my ability properly… For the rest… Now that I am going to die, anyway, there is no point in holding a grudge against you. I'd rather leave peacefully…"

"But I don't want you to leave…" A sort of pout formed on his lips "I don't want to lose you…"

"Losing me…?" I huffed, amused "I am not a toy for you to play with… I can't be lost. Besides, you merely need me to serve as furniture for your office. I may have given you my loyalty, Dazai-san, but I haven't given up on my pride as a human being. Do remember that, please."

He sighed. Heavily. Was he annoyed? Was he tired of me?

"I am ready to take my responsibilities. Weak people die, but you don't belong to them. You are my subordinate and you know I don't allow my men to be weak." He stood up, crossing his arms "You won't die, because I decided so."

"My body is in no state to fight…" I argued "I have pneumonia and I am a morphine addict. I can't sleep and my immune system has already collapsed a long time ago. What do you expect me to do? Besides, you have another protege… From what I heard, he is much more useful than me."

"I expect you to recover." He faced me, the usual Port Mafia executive replacing the distressed child "And, about Akutagawa-kun… He has no idea what his ability is made for, don't compare the two of you. You two have different strengths."

"But he succeeds where I am powerless." I stated "He —"

"He is a blade without a sheath. I need to control him in order to make him the most powerful ability user of the Port Mafia. When that day comes, he will be, without a doubt, the organisation's greatest asset. For now, however, he is nothing but an untamed dog."

"Dazai-san… You hate dogs…" I remarked, feeling sorry for Akutagawa-kun.

"What you lack in physical strength, you compensate with that." He pressed a finger to my forehead without paying attention to my words "You learnt what I taught you, what I could never teach him. That is why you are a valuable subordinate in my squadron, because I can trust your wit, because I know that you are able to replace me."

"I could never, Dazai-san…!" I protested "I am nowhere near you…!"

"That's right. But you are above the others, and that is all that matters. You can lead in my stead if needed. Mmh, it's actually better to keep you alive." He seemed to think aloud "There are more pros than cons…"

"I am not a tool…" I reminded him, vexed.

"No, you are my subordinate." He agreed.

In his mouth, it did not sound too different…

"Oh~ It could be interesting, giving you Yamada-san's seat…~" He mumbled, walking around the bed in deep thought "But then you couldn't be on the field anymore… What to do~? I want to see that idiot's disappointed face…~"

"What does it matter, anyway? Can I even fight again with that body? Just give me paperwork if all you need is my brain…" I groaned.

"You will fight again." He declared "Why couldn't you? Just rest and take your treatment. It is a matter of time before you are physically back on your feet, anyway. And give up on morphine; I'll grant you sleep from now on."

"Dazai-san!" I burst, unable to hold it in any longer "Did… Did you even pay attention when we were talking…? Were you even sincere…?!"

His fist hit the wall, suddenly, and I jumped in fear. I had given him my loyalty, I had been honest with him… Had he manipulated me again…? He did not move. His back was toward me. I was about to say something when a small detail caught my attention. His hand, the one that had punched the wall, was trembling. He let it fall to his side.

"You must be useful…" He hissed between his teeth "I have to find some use in you, even while you are recovering…"

The bandage covering his skin was slowly reddening as he muttered incoherent words and I sighed. I understood, although too late again.

"There is… There is a position I can occupy, even in this bed…" I spoke, breaking the uncomfortable silence "If my presence serves a purpose, the Port Mafia won't need to get rid of me."

"What is it…?" He slowly turned around.

"I believe a lieutenant is still missing in your squadron, Dazai-san. Until I recover, I could lead the men from afar and take care of lower missions for you. Then, once I am better and able to fight, I can accompany them directly." I suggested "Besides, it will drastically decrease your paperwork… Which is at your advantage, isn't it?"

I cracked a small smile and waited for his response. He really did not want me to die, that I was sure of. However, the organisation did not care about damaged goods. If I did not prove myself to be more than a disposable pawn, an order to abandon me would be given, forcing my superior to either eliminate me or let me rot somewhere. In both cases, I would die.

"A lieutenant… It is true that I don't have that." He held his chin a second "Very well, I shall promote you. After all, I never got to reward you properly for your contribution to the fight against the Sicilian Mafia."

He gave me an understanding smirk, and I nodded, accepting the offer.

"Thank you, Dazai-san. I will strive not to disappoint you."

"Good. Take a week off for your initial recovery, then I will send the first piles of paperwork to you."

"Thank you for your consideration."

"Also… Odasaku may or may not visit you later… I remember he knows a cheap yet clean place not far from the headquarters." He added, heading toward the door "Ask him about it, I'm sure he'll be glad to answer you. Dust is bad for your lungs."

I chuckled once he exited the infirmary, and laid back on the bed. There I was, alive, already impatient to discover the paperwork he had promised. It was a good feeling, breathing, even if I still felt uncomfortable. I did not want to die anymore. There were still things I needed to do and a superior somehow counting on me. I could not let him down… And I wanted to see the sun set on Yokohama once again.

It was wonderful to exist again.

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[semete-ningen-rashiku]

The Happy Prince

High above the city, on a tall column, stood the statue of the Happy Prince.  He was gilded all over with thin leaves of fine gold, for eyes he had two bright sapphires, and a large red ruby glowed on his sword-hilt.

He was very much admired indeed.  “He is as beautiful as a weathercock,” remarked one of the Town Councillors who wished to gain a reputation for having artistic tastes; “only not quite so useful,” he added, fearing lest people should think him unpractical, which he really was not.

“Why can’t you be like the Happy Prince?” asked a sensible mother of her little boy who was crying for the moon.  “The Happy Prince never dreams of crying for anything.”

“I am glad there is some one in the world who is quite happy,” muttered a disappointed man as he gazed at the wonderful statue.

“He looks just like an angel,” said the Charity Children as they came out of the cathedral in their bright scarlet cloaks and their clean white pinafores.

“How do you know?” said the Mathematical Master, “you have never seen one.”

“Ah! but we have, in our dreams,” answered the children; and the Mathematical Master frowned and looked very severe, for he did not approve of children dreaming.

One night there flew over the city a little Swallow.  His friends had gone away to Egypt six weeks before, but he had stayed behind, for he was in love with the most beautiful Reed.  He had met her early in the spring as he was flying down the river after a big yellow moth, and had been so attracted by her slender waist that he had stopped to talk to her.

“Shall I love you?” said the Swallow, who liked to come to the point at once, and the Reed made him a low bow.  So he flew round and round her, touching the water with his wings, and making silver ripples.  This was his courtship, and it lasted all through the summer.

“It is a ridiculous attachment,” twittered the other Swallows; “she has no money, and far too many relations”; and indeed the river was quite full of Reeds.  Then, when the autumn came they all flew away.

After they had gone he felt lonely, and began to tire of his lady-love.  “She has no conversation,” he said, “and I am afraid that she is a coquette, for she is always flirting with the wind.”  And certainly, whenever the wind blew, the Reed made the most graceful curtseys.  “I admit that she is domestic,” he continued, “but I love travelling, and my wife, consequently, should love travelling also.”

“Will you come away with me?” he said finally to her; but the Reed shook her head, she was so attached to her home.

“You have been trifling with me,” he cried.  “I am off to the Pyramids.  Good-bye!” and he flew away.

All day long he flew, and at night-time he arrived at the city.  “Where shall I put up?” he said; “I hope the town has made preparations.”

Then he saw the statue on the tall column.

“I will put up there,” he cried; “it is a fine position, with plenty of fresh air.”  So he alighted just between the feet of the Happy Prince.

“I have a golden bedroom,” he said softly to himself as he looked round, and he prepared to go to sleep; but just as he was putting his head under his wing a large drop of water fell on him.  “What a curious thing!” he cried; “there is not a single cloud in the sky, the stars are quite clear and bright, and yet it is raining.  The climate in the north of Europe is really dreadful.  The Reed used to like the rain, but that was merely her selfishness.”

Then another drop fell.

“What is the use of a statue if it cannot keep the rain off?” he said; “I must look for a good chimney-pot,” and he determined to fly away.

But before he had opened his wings, a third drop fell, and he looked up, and saw—Ah! what did he see?

The eyes of the Happy Prince were filled with tears, and tears were running down his golden cheeks.  His face was so beautiful in the moonlight that the little Swallow was filled with pity.

“Who are you?” he said.

“I am the Happy Prince.”

“Why are you weeping then?” asked the Swallow; “you have quite drenched me.”

“When I was alive and had a human heart,” answered the statue, “I did not know what tears were, for I lived in the Palace of Sans-Souci, where sorrow is not allowed to enter.  In the daytime I played with my companions in the garden, and in the evening I led the dance in the Great Hall.  Round the garden ran a very lofty wall, but I never cared to ask what lay beyond it, everything about me was so beautiful.  My courtiers called me the Happy Prince, and happy indeed I was, if pleasure be happiness.  So I lived, and so I died.  And now that I am dead they have set me up here so high that I can see all the ugliness and all the misery of my city, and though my heart is made of lead yet I cannot chose but weep.”

“What! is he not solid gold?” said the Swallow to himself.  He was too polite to make any personal remarks out loud.

“Far away,” continued the statue in a low musical voice, “far away in a little street there is a poor house.  One of the windows is open, and through it I can see a woman seated at a table.  Her face is thin and worn, and she has coarse, red hands, all pricked by the needle, for she is a seamstress.  She is embroidering passion-flowers on a satin gown for the loveliest of the Queen’s maids-of-honour to wear at the next Court-ball.  In a bed in the corner of the room her little boy is lying ill.  He has a fever, and is asking for oranges.  His mother has nothing to give him but river water, so he is crying.  Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow, will you not bring her the ruby out of my sword-hilt?  My feet are fastened to this pedestal and I cannot move.”

“I am waited for in Egypt,” said the Swallow.  “My friends are flying up and down the Nile, and talking to the large lotus-flowers.  Soon they will go to sleep in the tomb of the great King.  The King is there himself in his painted coffin.  He is wrapped in yellow linen, and embalmed with spices.  Round his neck is a chain of pale green jade, and his hands are like withered leaves.”

“Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,” said the Prince, “will you not stay with me for one night, and be my messenger?  The boy is so thirsty, and the mother so sad.”

“I don’t think I like boys,” answered the Swallow.  “Last summer, when I was staying on the river, there were two rude boys, the miller’s sons, who were always throwing stones at me.  They never hit me, of course; we swallows fly far too well for that, and besides, I come of a family famous for its agility; but still, it was a mark of disrespect.”

But the Happy Prince looked so sad that the little Swallow was sorry.  “It is very cold here,” he said; “but I will stay with you for one night, and be your messenger.”

“Thank you, little Swallow,” said the Prince.

So the Swallow picked out the great ruby from the Prince’s sword, and flew away with it in his beak over the roofs of the town.

He passed by the cathedral tower, where the white marble angels were sculptured.  He passed by the palace and heard the sound of dancing.  A beautiful girl came out on the balcony with her lover.  “How wonderful the stars are,” he said to her, “and how wonderful is the power of love!”

“I hope my dress will be ready in time for the State-ball,” she answered; “I have ordered passion-flowers to be embroidered on it; but the seamstresses are so lazy.”

He passed over the river, and saw the lanterns hanging to the masts of the ships.  He passed over the Ghetto, and saw the old Jews bargaining with each other, and weighing out money in copper scales.  At last he came to the poor house and looked in.  The boy was tossing feverishly on his bed, and the mother had fallen asleep, she was so tired.  In he hopped, and laid the great ruby on the table beside the woman’s thimble.  Then he flew gently round the bed, fanning the boy’s forehead with his wings.  “How cool I feel,” said the boy, “I must be getting better”; and he sank into a delicious slumber.

Then the Swallow flew back to the Happy Prince, and told him what he had done.  “It is curious,” he remarked, “but I feel quite warm now, although it is so cold.”

“That is because you have done a good action,” said the Prince.  And the little Swallow began to think, and then he fell asleep.  Thinking always made him sleepy.

When day broke he flew down to the river and had a bath.  “What a remarkable phenomenon,” said the Professor of Ornithology as he was passing over the bridge.  “A swallow in winter!”  And he wrote a long letter about it to the local newspaper.  Every one quoted it, it was full of so many words that they could not understand.

“To-night I go to Egypt,” said the Swallow, and he was in high spirits at the prospect.  He visited all the public monuments, and sat a long time on top of the church steeple.  Wherever he went the Sparrows chirruped, and said to each other, “What a distinguished stranger!” so he enjoyed himself very much.

When the moon rose he flew back to the Happy Prince.  “Have you any commissions for Egypt?” he cried; “I am just starting.”

“Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,” said the Prince, “will you not stay with me one night longer?”

“I am waited for in Egypt,” answered the Swallow.  “To-morrow my friends will fly up to the Second Cataract.  The river-horse couches there among the bulrushes, and on a great granite throne sits the God Memnon.  All night long he watches the stars, and when the morning star shines he utters one cry of joy, and then he is silent.  At noon the yellow lions come down to the water’s edge to drink.  They have eyes like green beryls, and their roar is louder than the roar of the cataract.”

“Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,” said the Prince, “far away across the city I see a young man in a garret.  He is leaning over a desk covered with papers, and in a tumbler by his side there is a bunch of withered violets.  His hair is brown and crisp, and his lips are red as a pomegranate, and he has large and dreamy eyes.  He is trying to finish a play for the Director of the Theatre, but he is too cold to write any more.  There is no fire in the grate, and hunger has made him faint.”

“I will wait with you one night longer,” said the Swallow, who really had a good heart.  “Shall I take him another ruby?”

“Alas!  I have no ruby now,” said the Prince; “my eyes are all that I have left.  They are made of rare sapphires, which were brought out of India a thousand years ago.  Pluck out one of them and take it to him.  He will sell it to the jeweller, and buy food and firewood, and finish his play.”

“Dear Prince,” said the Swallow, “I cannot do that”; and he began to weep.

“Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,” said the Prince, “do as I command you.”

So the Swallow plucked out the Prince’s eye, and flew away to the student’s garret.  It was easy enough to get in, as there was a hole in the roof.  Through this he darted, and came into the room.  The young man had his head buried in his hands, so he did not hear the flutter of the bird’s wings, and when he looked up he found the beautiful sapphire lying on the withered violets.

“I am beginning to be appreciated,” he cried; “this is from some great admirer.  Now I can finish my play,” and he looked quite happy.

The next day the Swallow flew down to the harbour.  He sat on the mast of a large vessel and watched the sailors hauling big chests out of the hold with ropes.  “Heave a-hoy!” they shouted as each chest came up.  “I am going to Egypt”! cried the Swallow, but nobody minded, and when the moon rose he flew back to the Happy Prince.

“I am come to bid you good-bye,” he cried.

“Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,” said the Prince, “will you not stay with me one night longer?”

“It is winter,” answered the Swallow, “and the chill snow will soon be here.  In Egypt the sun is warm on the green palm-trees, and the crocodiles lie in the mud and look lazily about them.  My companions are building a nest in the Temple of Baalbec, and the pink and white doves are watching them, and cooing to each other.  Dear Prince, I must leave you, but I will never forget you, and next spring I will bring you back two beautiful jewels in place of those you have given away.  The ruby shall be redder than a red rose, and the sapphire shall be as blue as the great sea.”

“In the square below,” said the Happy Prince, “there stands a little match-girl.  She has let her matches fall in the gutter, and they are all spoiled.  Her father will beat her if she does not bring home some money, and she is crying.  She has no shoes or stockings, and her little head is bare.  Pluck out my other eye, and give it to her, and her father will not beat her.”

“I will stay with you one night longer,” said the Swallow, “but I cannot pluck out your eye.  You would be quite blind then.”

“Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,” said the Prince, “do as I command you.”

So he plucked out the Prince’s other eye, and darted down with it.  He swooped past the match-girl, and slipped the jewel into the palm of her hand.  “What a lovely bit of glass,” cried the little girl; and she ran home, laughing.

Then the Swallow came back to the Prince.  “You are blind now,” he said, “so I will stay with you always.”

“No, little Swallow,” said the poor Prince, “you must go away to Egypt.”

“I will stay with you always,” said the Swallow, and he slept at the Prince’s feet.

All the next day he sat on the Prince’s shoulder, and told him stories of what he had seen in strange lands.  He told him of the red ibises, who stand in long rows on the banks of the Nile, and catch gold-fish in their beaks; of the Sphinx, who is as old as the world itself, and lives in the desert, and knows everything; of the merchants, who walk slowly by the side of their camels, and carry amber beads in their hands; of the King of the Mountains of the Moon, who is as black as ebony, and worships a large crystal; of the great green snake that sleeps in a palm-tree, and has twenty priests to feed it with honey-cakes; and of the pygmies who sail over a big lake on large flat leaves, and are always at war with the butterflies.

“Dear little Swallow,” said the Prince, “you tell me of marvellous things, but more marvellous than anything is the suffering of men and of women.  There is no Mystery so great as Misery.  Fly over my city, little Swallow, and tell me what you see there.”

So the Swallow flew over the great city, and saw the rich making merry in their beautiful houses, while the beggars were sitting at the gates.  He flew into dark lanes, and saw the white faces of starving children looking out listlessly at the black streets.  Under the archway of a bridge two little boys were lying in one another’s arms to try and keep themselves warm.  “How hungry we are!” they said.  “You must not lie here,” shouted the Watchman, and they wandered out into the rain.

Then he flew back and told the Prince what he had seen.

“I am covered with fine gold,” said the Prince, “you must take it off, leaf by leaf, and give it to my poor; the living always think that gold can make them happy.”

Leaf after leaf of the fine gold the Swallow picked off, till the Happy Prince looked quite dull and grey.  Leaf after leaf of the fine gold he brought to the poor, and the children’s faces grew rosier, and they laughed and played games in the street.  “We have bread now!” they cried.

Then the snow came, and after the snow came the frost.  The streets looked as if they were made of silver, they were so bright and glistening; long icicles like crystal daggers hung down from the eaves of the houses, everybody went about in furs, and the little boys wore scarlet caps and skated on the ice.

The poor little Swallow grew colder and colder, but he would not leave the Prince, he loved him too well.  He picked up crumbs outside the baker’s door when the baker was not looking and tried to keep himself warm by flapping his wings.

But at last he knew that he was going to die.  He had just strength to fly up to the Prince’s shoulder once more.  “Good-bye, dear Prince!” he murmured, “will you let me kiss your hand?”

“I am glad that you are going to Egypt at last, little Swallow,” said the Prince, “you have stayed too long here; but you must kiss me on the lips, for I love you.”

“It is not to Egypt that I am going,” said the Swallow.  “I am going to the House of Death.  Death is the brother of Sleep, is he not?”

And he kissed the Happy Prince on the lips, and fell down dead at his feet.

At that moment a curious crack sounded inside the statue, as if something had broken.  The fact is that the leaden heart had snapped right in two.  It certainly was a dreadfully hard frost.

Early the next morning the Mayor was walking in the square below in company with the Town Councillors.  As they passed the column he looked up at the statue: “Dear me! how shabby the Happy Prince looks!” he said.

“How shabby indeed!” cried the Town Councillors, who always agreed with the Mayor; and they went up to look at it.

“The ruby has fallen out of his sword, his eyes are gone, and he is golden no longer,” said the Mayor in fact, “he is litttle better than a beggar!”

“Little better than a beggar,” said the Town Councillors.

“And here is actually a dead bird at his feet!” continued the Mayor.  “We must really issue a proclamation that birds are not to be allowed to die here.”  And the Town Clerk made a note of the suggestion.

So they pulled down the statue of the Happy Prince.  “As he is no longer beautiful he is no longer useful,” said the Art Professor at the University.

Then they melted the statue in a furnace, and the Mayor held a meeting of the Corporation to decide what was to be done with the metal.  “We must have another statue, of course,” he said, “and it shall be a statue of myself.”

“Of myself,” said each of the Town Councillors, and they quarrelled.  When I last heard of them they were quarrelling still.

“What a strange thing!” said the overseer of the workmen at the foundry.  “This broken lead heart will not melt in the furnace.  We must throw it away.”  So they threw it on a dust-heap where the dead Swallow was also lying.

“Bring me the two most precious things in the city,” said God to one of His Angels; and the Angel brought Him the leaden heart and the dead bird.

“You have rightly chosen,” said God, “for in my garden of Paradise this little bird shall sing for evermore, and in my city of gold the Happy Prince shall praise me.”