#but also i dont need to justify it!!! its also cuz i want to!!!!

[hertwood]

ALSO. didnt wanna go into a tangent in the ask but. i have mostly avoided antigirlfic sentiment by just curating my online space but i DID see this tiktok recently where it was like "i opened this fic that was like 100k and such a cool concept but one of the characters was made a girl!!?!??!?!!? and i was so disappointed why would they do that"

like a) how did u miss the m/f tag u can filter that shit. b) how can u feel so entitled to someone elses writing being exactly what you want? you dont have to fucking read it?? and then in the comments they were saying 'kinda homophobic honestly' and idk what fandom this was but what an INSANE conclusion to jump to there about a STRANGER.

and like i get when it comes to traditional writing its reasonable to make a stink abt lack of representation but on ao3? where m/m is the majority and the platform is infinite and people are writing for FREE youre gonna complain???? literally just read something else the author owes you NOTHING

[waywardsalt]

was going through my blog trying to track down an old post i made talking abt my feelings on jolene and it was. much longer than i remembered it being. and haha yeah i still agree with it. i need to fucking. sort out my feelings on that character and that subplot

[spotsupstuff]

i'm glad you enjoyed brandon F

little note about the uniform thing, the reason why he drags on a bit on that is cause he's a reenactor, 18th century uniforms are his insane obsession. he even jokes about it in the video i sent, saying "i'm finally back to my insufferable self!" when talking about the muskets

i don't blame him tbh, after watching his content for a while i had the realization that 18th century isn't like the romans, whose equipment we deduce through archeology, old sources and guess work.

like, the actual documents that standardized 18th century uniforms still exist and are not hard to access, i realized that after Brandon noted that his source was the fucking British Royal Library in London. ( i mean ffs there's literally photos of Napoleonic era vets heres a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npSru7xEzX8)

and i honestly think its relevant, because if a million dollar historical production didn't want to put in the effort to go to a library and get the official documents. then what else they weren't bothered to get right?

but Brandon doesn't just do historical reviews he also talks a lot about the history in general. like, why fight in lines? what were marines in the 18th century? the history of tactics. and what role did cavalry play in line warfare? for example

heavens bless people of utube that manage to get hyperfixated on one topic for basically their entire life and then proceed to make stuff about it for us to watch, right? it's a delight to listen to someone who actually enjoys the subject and their subject therefore basically guarantees the authencity of what they put out

oooh but yes, the concept itself of what we actually get to know about things in what manner is fascinating in on itself. so since i was small i had been very fascinated by chinese mythology and mythology somewhat comes along with other parts of the culture and so on. and you know how the chinese culture is one of the oldest in the world?

as a result i've somewhat grown accustomed to the numbers that are typical to the span of chinese history and now whenever i go look into the history of my own country i'm actually stumped over how recently certain things happened! then again you wouldn't believe how oppressed or manipulated slovaks had been across history. ain't that right -glares at hungary-

to what extent we know which culture's history is so wild. the ability for certain historical things to simply last is absolutely incredible (such as military uniform documents or musical pieces of 18th century). fun fact! there's still messages written in stone by the soldiers of the roman empire on slovakia's territory. right near Danube, i think, p sure i visited that

thank fuck for reliable sourcing and also thank u for that vid that's gon come in handy for clothing references at Some point, i can feel it

and you are absolutely correct, yes! it Is relevant! as mister Brandon has said, there's of course a certain leeway allowed when it comes to more kid oriented stuff, but i'll admit! i was surprised to learn that serious historical productions apparently put less effort into these kind of things than the sea beast did (i don't usually watch those kind of things, i'm very fantasy/sci-fi and cartoon focused)

this kind of muddling of history that may seem "insignificant" to money grabbing bastards really screws up the perception of the eras for people who don't really have the time or the drive to look into things themselves. it's annoying

oh while we are on this history stuff, i saw this originally in utube shorts, but Apparently they are making a netflix movie or smth about Cleopatra and they made her black?? which is weird, considering that Cleopatra was greek and all that stuff. like don't get me wrong, yes give silenced/less known cultures like black folk more space to present themselves and who they are but like don't do it in a way that heavily skews the history? why are you going out of your way to create misinformation that could heavily impact understanding of history by taking out an already famous (not poc) person instead of Actually making the space for historically important black people. like maybe why not make a movie about that one super rich king from the southwestern coast of Africa (i think) that crashed the egyptian economy twice by being just too damn generous. that would be SO much more helpful to black peeps' history than shoving a black person into the place of a white one

i swear films nowadays either lack soul, heart, spine or brain like 98% of time

[bulbabutt]

Can I ask your thoughts on TF One? I have mixed feelings about it, but I’m very curious about what other people think (this can be an invitation to rant if you want it)

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH thats all ive BEEN doing but you've asked for it

its. so fucking. like okay you could tell from the trailers that it was just gonna be your AVERAGE ass blockbuster movie. its tone was not giving anything original in the slightest. you know, mcu slop. not like... that everything mcu IS slop, but like youve seen unoriginal basic blockbusters before im sure. vague 'we gotta save the world' types.

starting with characters: we have quirky funny hero who makes bad jokes, hes starlord but not as thought out. childish and hopeful, but never wrong. we have a secondary 'comic relief' who... feels useless cuz orion is already the jokester, hes there to be awkward and make the others uncomfortable, but like... ahahha hes violent now. hes pretty useless to the story. and we have cliche ass woman side character whos there to be.... the fuckin scarlett johansen type, i feel like i dont even need to specify what i mean by that. youve seen marvel movies or marvel like movies. like elita in this movie bumps that prime arcee problem i have up to 11, heres shes....... a career woman. who is FINE being taken advantage of and not being compassionate cuz THERES WORK TO DO.... like. i mean think of those romcoms where a woman has NOOOO time for dating kind of thing. and then the only character worth a damn (also the only... not shitty SOUNDING one aka a good VOICE actor whos being a CHARACTER and not just 'hey everyone you know this guys voice') is megatron, and hes not as well thought out as he should be. like they do TRY with his arc, but its not satisfying enough, they dont HOLD ON HIM enough i think. and then hes the bad guy when HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG........

this movie bumps the usual 'transformers lore is boring long and confusing as hell' to 11 cuz its a movie, trying to fit in lore that usually is spaced out over the course of a tv show. and tv shows with all that lore tend to be annoying anyway, but JESUS in a movie is it ever annoying. but its not that thought out! like. ive said it a hundred times before, but i HATE the 13. i hate the fact we have fucking jesus and the apostles to the LITERAL god primus, it makes the story fucking basic as hell. it makes the politics surrounding the war religious and messy and BAD! THIS IS ABT ROBOTS WHY IS IT A HOLY WAR NOW!!!

and showing that the one guy who WASNT chosen by god to be the bad guy whos lying to the people ABOUT being chosen by god is bad! we should know thats bad COME ON. and his whole thing is 'oops ive fucked up and now im sacrificing my people to these vague alien invaders cuz im a big dumb idiot and i have no plan on how to deal with this tee hee' like. how you gonna make the quintessons this lame. theyre vaguely animal like but willing to make a deal and stuff. its really poorly thought out.

also. from the trailers they made it look like 'oh no, elita and airachnid are gonna have that GIRL beef with each other, so we can justify the girls fighting' but.... they didnt even do that. airachnids not really a character, shes just... the only person whos on sentinels side. for some reason. but really its just cuz shes physically weird, and she could easily be replaced by an object shes not a character, shes the camera with the proof. (something something girl transformers are always motorcycles or spiders cuz sexual dimorphism of alt modes LMAO)

like. i did not care for prime ive said that a million times here, but at least that shows telling and not showing gave you like 'okay so orion and megatron used to be partners who started a revolution together, and their political beliefs are what splintered the planet into autobots and decepticons'. but HERE. its so fucking vague?? its like. ok what split them apart was.... the fact megatron wanted to kill the (according to the movie) only guy who was causing any problems for the whole planet?? WHEN BUMBLEBEE WAS JUST SHOWN KILLING LIKE 20 GUYS 5 MINUTES EARLIER???

anyway that 'death' scene for orion was ripping off beast machines and while i had issues with beast machines at the time FUCK YOU! they did that for A REASON!!!! IT WAS NARRATIVELY IMPORTANT TO HAVE HIM DO THAT! IT WAS BAD WHEN PRIME RIPPED IT OFF AND THIS RIPPED IT OFF WORSE!!!!!! FOR WHAT!!! 'oh optimus runs in the way of megatrons gun to save the, i repeat, guy who is SINGLEHANDEDLY responsible for opression on their planet?? thats fucking stupid. thats genuinely so stupid, and while him being like 'im done saving you' COULD be fun and cool and interesting there justttttt wasnt enough of it??

like what i find interesting is that megatron and ELITA had more in common, they were BOTH trying to use the fucked up system they knew was fucked up to get ahead. and what do we get out of that? some BULLSHIT 'girlboss' speech that belongs in 2011 from elita about 'im better than you, i could do everything right cuz im cool and badass and smart and better than you. but.... youre a big dummy with a heart so you should be in charge' GROOOOOOOOOOANNNNN

people always wanna harp on me for being like 'idk man, i like g1 cuz i think theres more interesting ideas that could be readapted better by people who care' but instead we have to turn characters and stories and ideas about politics into basic ass hollywood blockbuster vague nonsense to fit the ideals of the wider movie going audience. and i think thats bullshit.

i think transformers should go back to ripping of star wars and im not kidding. stop making the autobots the fucking leaders of the planet, youre making them complicit in a corrupt worldstate and turning them into fascists who oust non believers. they started as fucking scrappy rebels, take me the fuck back if youre not even gonna go so far as to say 'maybe the autobots do the WRONG thing' like they did in animated.

i think people only like this movie cuz theyre too fucking used to the GOD AWFUL BAYVERSE, and so they think this is GOOD. its not!! its not smart at all!!! go watch sci fi shit from before 2007 I SWEAR TO GOD!!!! EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!!

the best tf movie IS STILL the transformers the movie 1986 cuz it was COOL and DIFFERENT and well animated and had a good soundtrack and was full of cool characters! maybe it was a lil goofy, but THAT message of hope in the face of despair speaks WAY louder than THIS SHIT..... if youre gonna force the conflict to be political you need SOME UNDERSTANDING OF POLITICS....

im sorry. ive only seen the movie once but im just.... it encapsulates every fucking issue ive been having with the transformers franchise since watching prime. where it got fucking religious and poorly thought out. i know its those god awful bay movies faults but JESUS its been sticking around WAY too long and im tired.

[wr0ngwarp]

some refs for my jet set radio explorers of death joke au (that sure is a sentence) because i wanted to put them on art fight (..mostly for warehouse leapusverse lore reasons)

beat and yoyo seemed like they needed refs most urgently cuz beat has a bunch of designs on account of being squirtle and yoyo's design was just hard to parse in the pics he appeared in. yeagh

art fight bio under the cut for ppl who don't have an art fight account

based on PMD: Explorers of Death by sparklingdemon, HIGHLY recommended reading to get a grasp on what in the goddamn is going on here oh this is incredibly silly. so basically a while ago there was an in-joke about jsr and eod in a pokepasta discord i'm in, and i have a bad habit of taking jokes too far. so, of course, i took the joke WAY WAY WAY too far! the entire joke is the idea that Corn in Future retconned og JSR Beat as leader/founder of the GGs, so Corn and Beat are the Myras. no it’s not a joke funny enough to justify how many hours i sunk into drawing these. no attempt was made to change the setting, assign most of the other cast, or otherwise make this au hold up to ANY amount of scrutiny.

---- the base concept (aka reskinned eod plot) is that the og JSR timeline was getting, like, temporally retconned into the Future timeline, but Beat (in the role of Squirtle) refused to accept the changeover so he tried to hold onto his own fading timeline, trapping it (and himself) in a state of perpetual decay until he can take back the timeline. basically everybodys a grayscale rotting zombie it's miserable. also if you think "hey, isn't EOD!Beat less justified than Squirtle because the situation WASN'T life or death until he MADE IT that way" you would be right lmao JSRF Corn (as Myra), being the leader of the GGs in Future, shows up (overwriting the preexisting version of Tab ig) to try to put the dying timeline out of its misery so it can actually be reborn into the Future timeline. for some reason his spraypaint can make the zombies pass on. don't question it. he and Beat are kind of trying to take each other down so one timeline can take precedent here. Gum (as Shadow) is kind of torn between the two of them, with two overlapping contradicting sets of memories and also the most disastrous way to possibly combine her JSR and JSRF designs LMAO. her loyalties are kind of torn as a result and also she understandably isnt a big fan of all the murder going on here ... ...also, because this is a joke au that i did not bother to try to make sense, they're in the goddamn Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers for no real reason. i also tend to call Beat and Corn "Meat and Mourn" though i dont have a nickname for Gum :(. and they have some level of meta awareness that they're in a poorly crafted joke AU based on an existing creepypasta, and yet this knowledge of how inane it all is doesn't stop them from riding it out to its horrific conclusion. ...ha ha? also Yoyo is Bidoof he's just here to be the first to die dont worry about him

---- also because there's something profoundly wrong with me i have the main trio + Yoyo in me and my sibling's joke multi-crossover RP. Corn is MIA right now, Gum is in the Garage with the setting's regular version of the GGs (they are confused and concerned. esp normal!Gum)... ...and, uh... Beat and Yoyo are in the Warehouse. (Pauein 9696 is just kind of there too.) they're... friends? i think......???? they are trapped in there and dont know Warehouse Yoyo is actually the goddamn building theyre trapped in

in the warehouse, eod!yoyo is kind of... barely coherent, only aware a fraction of the time, and not really able to do a whole lot since he's in such bad condition. he's just kind of taking anything as it happens at this point bc he can't do anything about it, but internally he's very pessimistic both about the idea that Beat can fix anything OR that there's any chance they'll escape the warehouse. eod!beat is... sort of kind of friends with the Warehouse but it's a very fragile friendship prone to arguments since he is trying VERY hard to leave (esp cuz he has UNFINISHED BUSINESS with killing corn and MAKING THINGS RIGHT) but Warehouse Yoyo is manipulatively trying to keep him without letting on that's what he's doing. both of these guys are fucked in the head tbh. at least nobody's judging each other for being walking corpses with weird metafiction elements.

[w0w0zella]

um hello!!! im gonna be making a. bugbo murderstuck au Masterpost of sorts! I guess! ill format it like a q&a but im making up some of these questions myself. So lets get into it :3

this is a really long post! b careful :3

"what is murderstuck?" murderstuck is a Bugbo AU that made/am making (complicated wip status lol)! its a story that takes place a month and a bit after the events of familiar foe. Very long story short, gerbo ends up getting killed (on accident), joe then kills bugbo (On purpose) and joe seeks out thomas flyswatter for help. i have a post here that goes more into the story if you'd like to see it! vvv https://www.tumblr.com/w0w0zella/728157783124574208/ill-post-these-together-awawy-from-the-rest-of-the?source=share 

currently it is a well defined plot line that i and a couple other people have made art for,, and a work in progress fanfiction!

"why is it called "murderstuck"?"

murderstuck is actually (Believe it or not lol) a Homestuck thing! murderstuck is a specific part in act 5 act 2 of homestuck where one character kills someone and then someone else kills THEM, so i was like  Fuck yeah that makes total sense for this au. In all honesty, i just called it that cuz i needed a name to jump back to in discord for easy finding and it. Stuck i guess GIGGLES lol.

i am currently.  Semi looking for new name suggestions! so if anyone has any ideas !!!   Tell me !! Please !! I have No idea!! ((by the way, because murderstuck is already technically a thing, you need to tag murderstuck posts with #bugbo murderstuck or #bugbo murderstuck au or else it will be drowned out by all the homestuck art :3

(question by geluga on discord) "where did joe get his cleaver ? is it the same way he just happened to have an axe in episode 2 or is it from something else?"

yeah no i didnt really think out him having a meat cleaver lol. lets say thaat. umm. He got it becuase he was preparing bugbo a Yummy Meal (Steak is his Favourite or some  shit idk) !!!

i do NOT rmember why i gave him a meat cleaver aswell. If you want a Good answer, the reason i gave him a meat cleaver and not his Trusty Axe is because his axe would have been far too dull and bulky to slit bugbos throat. if you want the TRUE answer Its because i forgot he had an axe at all and thought the meat cleaver would look cool

(question by onyx on discord) "did gj feel bad after The thing or did he feel like totally justified"

AMAZING QUESTION !!!! Gradient Joe feels EXTREME remorse. of course when he looks back on it he knows why he did it, but if we're being completely honest; bugbo was immobilized. he did not need to kill bugbo. if he had killed him while bugbo was choking him, that would be a different story. but he killed him while he was backed up into a tree, immobilized and begging for his life.

he feels extremely bad ! Very extremely bad!

(question from ANON in my ASK BOX) "DUDE I LOVE YOUR AU SM RAUGHHHHH also question uhh where is hoppo in the au? we havent really heard about her"

So. During the events of this au. she is. away. like she usually is. Dont really know where! Shopping at grocery market. back at war. lost at sea. you decide. (More info on hoppo in the next question

(question by kets on discord) "uuhhmmmm what is the absolute WORST ending this au could have realistically?????????? like if it didn't end whene thomas was ocmforting joe idk :3333333"

OKAY i coudl see this one of a couple ways. First way is, bugbo wins. bugbo succeeds in choking joe to death, And now he is alone (til hoppo gets back) i said this one first cuz its probably not the worst possible thing, but i think it would be pretty terrible!

second worst would be if Joe waited for hoppo to come back instead of going to thomas for help. In my humble opinion, i think that hoppo is very stubborn and VERY loyal. so. (to me at least) it stands to reason that if hoppo came back, she would side with bugbo VERY hard. she would probably fucking hate joes guts, and that would be the worst  thing for him after everything he already went through. Maybe they would Fight too idk…

Very first worst would be if joe just straight up killed himself after killing bugbo. I could see this as a thing he contemplated, but if he actually went through with it?  Oh my god Fucking imagine. all of there corpses there for hoppo to find when she comes back. Thomas rotting away in his lair without anyone to talk to (and without knowledge of bugbos death) for years? Devastating.

other notable endings include Joe OR bugbo Killing themselves directly after gerbos death, hoppo ending up killing joe out of anger when she comes back, Or (In a silly alternate universe that We made on Disc Ord…) bugbo comes BACK to life and DRAGS himself to go kill joe HIMSELF!!!!!!

(question by DEMO on DISCORD) "is gradient joe book smart or money smart" i am going to kill myself and its your fault i think. never speak to me again (Joke)

NOTABLE INFORMATION:

as stated before, you need to tag murderstuck posts with #bugbo murderstuck or #bugbo murderstuck au or else it will be drowned out by Homestuck stuff !! i want to see all of your art and things!! Thank you!!

you are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WELCOMED AND ENCOURAGED to make stuff surrounding this au! Please Please Show It To Me!!!

if you are drawing During Fight or. During Murdering bugbo or joe, here are some things to note! - bugbo attempts to choke joe to death during a part in the fight, and he almost succeds! This causes Permanent scarring on gradient joes neck, and scratch marks all over bugbos arms from joe clawing at them!!!

- joe ends the fight with his shirt partially open and his tie missing!

- joe breaks bugbos right leg! there is a noticable gash on his inner right knee!

- joe kills bugbo by slitting his throat with a meat cleaver!- after joe is done, he drags bugbos body over to where gerbo died! (he was crushed by the fallen Stone Structure!)

thank you all so much for the love and support with this au It means so much to me. thank you from the botom of my hart.  IF YOU HAVE ANY COOL IDEAS, MORE QUESTIONS, OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANNA SHOW/TELL ME, MY MESSAGES AND ASK BOX ARE ALWAYS OPEN!!!!!!

[emleeeeeeeeee]

chaps 500-501 sorry im late guys

okay so first thing even though it might be obvious i feel like vin and taejin have had such a parallel life if that makes sense? like obviously taejin was bought up with everything and anything that he wanted (and taught that everything was his) and we did see at the start that he was decently kind(?) to vin as a child, but only bc he viewed vin as his property. we do see this like attitude start changing as he grows up tho, where he doesnt see the need to treat his 'property' aka other ppl well anymore (rip sujin) and really just takes what he wants from them. he also really just wants everything to be his at this point, as seen when he's like excited at his father's death bc it means that he has more power. so vin has obviously had like a very traumatic childhood, but somehow vin and taejins lives still seem very in parallel

especially in that scene bc its like showing their attachment(idk how else to describe it) to cheonliang, but for starkly different reasons. wait more like how they're both fighting for cheonliang, but while vin(and the other ppl sry idk what theyre called) are fighting purely for the memory of sujin and seongji(rip), taejin is fighting so that he can claim it as his AS SEEN WHEN THE LITTLE BITCH SHOWS UP WHEN THEYRE DECIDING THE LEADER.

OMG THE DISRESPECT I CANT. I WANT TO PUT HIM INTO A FUCKING MEAT GRINDER. (writing this i have to keep reminding myself that the way he acts is a result of his upbringing BUT STILL DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS RIUGSDFHJKNXMCSDFJKX)

YES VIN I SUPPORT YOU PULL THAT BITCH APART

okay ive literally never hated goo more than in this moment. like yes i knew he was a fucking psychopath that didnt care abt anyone other than himself but ykkkkkkk i was hoping it wouldnt apply to characters that i cared abt??(this is how im going to get into a toxic relationship and end up on a true crime podcast)

behold the queen herself mary kim. also possibly the best female character ptj has written imo (maybe zoe as well)

OMG THE TANGHULU BOUQUET ISTG ONE OF THESE DAYS I WILL MAKE TANGHULU THEN MAKE A BOUQUET AND GIVE SEONGJI A FUNERAL (help i think im getting too obsessed i have work to do and im here doing this)

OUR FRESHLY GLOWED UP MC IS BACKKKK. i honestly cant tell if its his new or old body at this point someone pls tell me its not just me

thats a bit interesting. i still think that goo is going to be the one to die (but im not as attached to him anymore cuz otherwise taejin would be dead IF NOT FOR HIM) but gun definitely looks kinda depressed in this frame after the whole yk chaps 479-480 soooo idk whats gonna happen. even tho chap 502 is out im just gonna finish my work first and get back to you guys. but cheonliang arc finally ended!!!! and now we hopefully get to see jake kims brother who is like fiiinnneeeee (and a cannibal but whatever im colourblind i dont see red flags)lmao i love how this post just started with like an essay opening and dissolved into shitposting. anyways love you guys prob gonna post again sooooonnnn <33333

[mueritos]

Hey. Idk if this is me growing up or just being disillusioned with inter celebs etc. Im a 23 yr old trans man so I grew up and was inspired by chella on the YouTube community. But now I just…don’t like chella man anymore. I feel like…he became an industry plant? Over the pandemic asking fans for money to send to him directly to help others and not showing where the money was going exactly incident as well as just becoming older I noticed he seemed to almost want to become the next Keith haring or basquiat? He almost…now seems very fake? He takes deals with brands to be representation but doesn’t do much to call out certain brands for their faults etc.

Idk anymore

I give Chella credit in that he was one of the few transmen that I looked up while I was young, especially with him being BIPOC. Showing him to my family helped them understand me. But that's where the inspiration kinda stops, because it was painful to be surrounded by years-in-transition trans men online when I was absolutely nowhere I wanted to be. That was a me problem tho. But I also didn't know much about his whole donation incident.

Ig heres what I have to say. It's not great to view other people as your justification of your morals. We don't know how people have had to live or how they live now, we don't know what decisions they have to make, and we dont know what kind of fears or goals they have. Chella is allowed to do whatever he wants with his art or his modelling career, just like how I genuinely believe anyone else in the world is capable of making the right decisions for themselves (even if we dont like those decisions!). Im not really concerned with figuring out if hes an industry plant or a "class traitor" (lol) or even if he's "fake". To be honest, I'm all for BIPOC folks getting their $. Does that mean I enjoy seeing wealthy BIPOC folk perpetuate classism and racism? No. Just cuz someone is succeeding for themselves doesn't mean people cant critique them. I guess what Im saying is I see waaay too many people online take the things they enjoy and the people they follow as projections of their morals: "no! stop [Insert celebrity name] you're being problematic and its makes us fans look bad!" Like....Okay lmfao. People are grown adults and are going to make decisions for themselves. Just because you might enjoy a celebrity does not mean your morals are based on how good of a person they are.

and youre allowed to not like the same things anymore just like how people are allowed to change, for better or for worse. I think within online communities there is way too much pressure on "looking" like a good person versus actually being one...because sometimes BEING a good person makes you look absolutely vile in terms of online spaces/communities love of isolating, removing, and deleting "problematic" (and vulnerable) people from their spaces with no trial, discussion, or attempt at conflict mediation. Yea yea I do think people have every right to be criticized just as they have every right to make whatever decision they want, but what Im trying to get at is to really stop viewing anyone with a platform as someone you can other once they dont meet your standards. This is not the same as denouncing or critiquing someone for really egregious behavior (white supremacy, harrassment, bullying, interpersonal violence). Once you kinda start living by your own morals without needing other people's actions/behaviors to justify/define them, you learn to focus on building connections rather than destroying them.

again, this is a much nuanced topic and you prolly werent expecting me to go into this. but ive grown over the years and have engaged in some nasty and vile mob mentality behavior that i just dont vibe with anymore. im not really the kind of person now to speculate online or publicly what other people are doing or should be doing or whether theyre problematic or not. I don't really care about Chella man or most celebrities rn. People r just gonna be people, and I will always have empathy for those of marginalized identities. Free will, autonomy, and self determination goes both ways, but so does accountability, transformative justice, and reconciliation.

but also like kill ur idols lol

[cogbreath]

obviously im in a state of bejng brutally honest with u guys so yeahb but would you guys be okay if my alters who r technically introjects of 9/11 hijackers wanted to meet you guys/be open??? like tbeyre nice guys.

the one specifically that wants to be open is ziad. mohamed he doesn't particularly care about that prospect but i do think he could benefit from the opportunity. neither of them exist because of the fact i idolize the hijackers or condone their actions or anything, they exist obviously due to circumstance, me splitting whilst in the middle of my 9/11 investigation fixation.

ziad in particular he is really nervous because what people would think, and hes also a practicing muslim like me and he's afraid of the islamophobia, like he says the situation of who he is does not look good at all and would give many ppl a reson to want to hurt him and the rest of us by proxy ans so we previously agreed to pretend to everyone like he and mohamed dont exist and they jsut fronted stealth mode pretending they are me but ziad wants to be himself. idk do u guys think its a good idea or bad idea. i want to be safe i dont want to give anyone an excuse to try to hurt us, and plus i also feel like ppl pretend to be okay about "problematic" introjects? like i feel that deep down ppl seem to think that they exist because the system/someone in the system idolizes feels positive about what their source is.

like okay i will admit to you that in my studies i feel the hijackers were the target of actual discrimination, which ended up becoming their justification for their actions in their opinions. and while that doesnt excuse or justify what beliefs they went onto hold and the actions they took, i can still recognize, as a muslim myself, that like, damn. the united states is a fucking awful country and i can somewhat (SOMEWHAT) understand how one would come to think that they needed to do what they did. i dont think they are super tragic ppl poor wooby figures who didnt know wtf they were doing. as they were adult men who ultimately shoulda known better. but me learning that stuff plus being traumatized at the exact same time i was learning said things lead to introjects developing.

point is. i dont wanna let them be open if it's under the circumstances that they have to constantly hate themselves publicly and feel bad and apologize on behalf of what happened in regards to their source cuz OBVIOUSLY they didnt fucking actually do that. basically, what do you guys think. can they be open safely and recieve the respect that a non "problematic" introject would get,

or do u think that it would come across to everyone as some sort of insiduous thing and ultimately wouldn't be worth bothering?

[starkissedblade]

💸💸💸💸💸

this is me just talking abt money and random stuff veeerrryy boring but i bought a pair of shoes a couple months ago for $200 and i have only wore them once i just stare at them and think about my bad spending decisions and i know i will start wearing them soon because they’re the only platform shoes i have but they’re also the most expensive shoes ive ever worn & i just die a little inside i need to get over it tho but i also thought of getting new walking shoes since ive had these ones for 5 yrs now (tbh i think the 200$ shoes r the only ones ive bought 4 myself new like all my shoes which is like only my everyday walking shoes, a pair of docs from hs, & a pair of flip flops i dont have many shoes & all were bought for me by someone else like yrs ago) and my feet r starting to get sore wearing them everyday but i think i might just buy new soles instead like these shoes still have traction.. cuz i need to buy a hair dryer and diffuser cup thing soon because im tired of air drying my hair and i want to make my wavy/slightly curly hair look presentable on the regular and not just occasionally and i need to spend money on that instead!!! but also will i do that??? i just put it off lmao it will probably be months before i actually buy something for that why does everything cost moneyyyy i feel like every day im making bad money decisions but i haven’t been That bad like 9/10 i use the stuff that i buy all the way. im physically stopping myself rn from dropping 40 something on this thing that a lot of ppl say really actually helps their cystic acne which ive had constant problems w. but i cant just do that. its 40!!!! instead i need to buy travel liquid containers that are smaller than 3 oz online cuz they usually only have big ones at walmart and i don’t need them to be That big i never do anything beyond a carry on because checked baggage is Expensive and it stresses me out on top of the expensiveness Anyway u can only have like a sandwich baggy sized thing w liquids in a carry on which is sooo annoying 😒 anyway there’s like $100 worth of stuff this yr that ive got that ive actually Really regretted like at the end of the day the new shoes r worth it for me because i’ll wear them until they break. i get so stressed over not using more than a third of the alcohol based mouthwash i got in feb because it burnt my mouth too much i get stressed over the cerave gentle cleanser i got but then it’s not what i need liked i needed the salacylic acid one instead so now that one just stares at me in its largely unused glory like i worry tooooo much but it’s also kind of good worrying because it keeps me in check cuz it makes me quadruple check if i really need something… but i do usually keep my impulse spending to the thrift which is usually a good thing. i bought a cool hat a couple days ago for a couple bucks but my head is too big :(( i need to look for a place that’ll give it away for free im done w giving stuff to goodwill or other places i just want ppl to be able to get clothes w out paying for it i hope that theres something like that around here. anyway i need to buy a really small point pen tomorrow to do this art thing for Father’s Day cuz my smallest point pen went dry yrs ago and this is the first time im picking up doing something like this in yrs like it’s for Father’s Day tho so i feel like it’s justified. and then i’ll need to get T in the next month 🚬 which has been 140 recently cuz i my state doesn’t cover it in insurance. at least insurance covers blood draws and my doctor doesn’t charge for messaging online abt stuff, so. and at least medicaid in my state covers some dental because ihave that appointment next month. and then ill be paying close to $200 for a flight ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh at least its not more than that ig. at least cheap allegiant flights r a thing . im so lucky in so many ways financially because of my mom step dad being so nice to me basically buying a car 4 me at 18 and letting me live w them rent free etc like idk how i got here i am still not used to it really i feel like its gonna be

pulled out from underneath me soon or something

[paperstorm]

i know you said you didn’t want to talk about this and you can delete this ask when you get it but speaking into the void here

i personally as an arab never expected ronen to give a both sides are bad let peace prevail kind of statement (im aware that is what he is posting now and has reiterated that palestinians aren’t responsible for hamas i haven’t ignored that)

fully acknowledge that this is painful for him given his personal family history and just the generational trauma jewish people have lived through and antisemitism raging in the states for the past few years and spiking drastically since the bombing started

so him sticking by israel no matter how much of a bitter taste it leaves in my mouth lmao i understand why but what genuinely hurt was him reposting videos from violently islamophobic and racist right wingers like nathan*el buzolic calling it “palestinian propaganda” and who dont care about jews or israel but in his eyes brown arabs are the devil and need to be gone (ronen could very well not know what that man stands for but doesn’t change that its who he’ll be associated with henceforth cuz everyone knows and noticed)

celebrating biden sending weapons to israel knowing full well who exactly its being used against and pushing the “human shield” bullshit to justify it all makes it hard to digest seeing babies pulled out of rubble and dying and never not once admitting that collective punishment isn’t right or mass starvation isn’t right

i dont think anybody is ignoring his sentiment of wanting peace between communities but compared to what he’s been pushing it makes it harder to acknowledge when the most hes said about palestinians is “oh life will be lost on both sides no can do” and not voicing support for a ceasefire and doubling down against people trying to kindly show him a more nuanced view and flat out blocking people

i’ve long since stopped caring about celebrities and their political opinions cuz they need woke points but since we’re all a part of the same fandom i guess its making rounds more

(and also a general thing, the fact that antisemitism and islamophobic hate crimes are spiking should push politicians to call for a ceasefire instead of doubling down on their money making tactics from defence contracts and stocks cuz as long as people see videos of palestinian parents losing their children and vice versa and weeping in the streets and IDF soldiers in uniform eating mcdonalds in a full face of makeup and acrylics its just going to keep getting worse cuz the disparity is getting more obvious)

It's not that I don't want to talk about it, it's that every time I do like clockwork about 30-45 minutes later the death threats and 'kys' anons roll in and that isn't easy to deal with. But I do think these things are massively important and I do want to talk about them.

And I agree with all of this. It feels so silly sometimes to care about him or what he's saying when there are babies buried under rubble from genocidal bombs dropped purposely on apartment buildings and bakeries and hospitals and funded by American taxpayers like ... he's a random C list celebrity and we aren't the victims here by any stretch of the imagination. But it still hurts. It seems to me like he is extremely misinformed. Uninformed, ignorant, uneducated, whatever adjective you want to use. If he's bought into the human shields propaganda then he's bought into all of it, and the US/Israeli propaganda machine is one of the strongest the world has ever seen (I mean you have a state indiscriminately slaughtering thousands of children and you have the whole Western world terrified to say "hey maybe don't do that", it would be impressive if it wasn't so horrible) so he isn't the only one who's fallen for it but it's ... sad. I dont' know, it's just sad. All of that and all of what you said is context for his response to this, but context doesn't make it hurt less. It sucks that we're going to have to do the heartbreaking work of separating him from TK in order to keep loving our show and not feel like we're de-facto supporting genocide. We're not the victims in this, especially those of us who are white and not Arab and not Jewish and are far less likely to face any consequences here, but it still sucks. I don't have any answers but I'm there with everyone who feels let down by him right now.

[sylwanin-was-right]

I'm currently answering an ask which asked how I would re-write AWOW and I got really involved in one part of it and decided it needed its own post:

I have many ideas for rewrites (that still somewhat sticks to the film's plotline) concerning The Omatikaya kids' and Metkayina kids' interactions. But I fleshed out a scene in particular involving Neteyam, Lo'ak, Aonung and his friends when they went to the cove to bait the akula.

Personally, as I'll reiterate in the ask, I think the racism/colorism/xenophobia of the Metkayina was never explored or explained, so the violently childish treatment of the Metkayina kids toward the Omatikaya kids didnt seem to stem from anywhere justified in-universe, and Aonung's cruelty was particularly outlandish. I think having elements of colorism and horizontal violence included in the film was important, but the majority of the writers being white, and Cameron being a white colonizer made a very poor execution of such racial themes as the dynamics of these hierarchies were portrayed as childish and simplistic as children fighting and bickering (which, perhaps was the point, since fundamentally, racism/colorism/xenophobia as ideologies are childish and illogical, but I couldnt take it seriously after another "little tail" epithet lol).

I think my rewrite of this scene would clarify Aonung's cruelty as more a personal flaw and abuse of authority/ethos than a Metkayina attitude, better flesh out Neteyam and Lo'aks sibling-rivalry, and also introduce more culturally immersive elements about Metkayina culture and the ocean biome:

Aonung and his male friends are spending guy time alone with Lo'ak and Neteyam learning how to gather shells or rocks or whatever to make tools and hunt small fish as part of their training and assimilation. This would come after the scenes where Lo'ak and Neteyam learn to ride their ilu.

Staying consistent with his character (his keeness and intuition) and the first-born "perfect son" standards set to him, Neteyam quickly learns the hunt but Lo'ak struggles. Lo'ak gets it eventually in determination and frustration from Aonung and his friends' taunting, and their negative comparisons of him to Neteyam.

After Lo'ak proves himself to them spectacularly, Aonung is suprised, but he taunts Lo'ak again, suggesting he would never catch up and be stuck with the children in learning fleets since he struggled with relatively easy training (paralleing when Neytiri told Jake he acted ignoant and stupid like a baby when they first met, and when Tsu'tey said a rock sees more than him when his first tsaheylu with a direhorse failed). Maybe Lo'ak would insult Aonung's face or something, saying it never look like he grew up and that he "knows" he struggled his first time too, which upsets Aonung cuz everybody is laughing at him (and this could imply that what Lo'ak is saying is true and the Metkayina boys know it). This would lead to Aonung suggesting that Lo'ak would never grow man enough to hunt "where the men hunt" at the cove, the "real" test of maturity. Lo'ak, still frustrated and determined to prove himself, gets inquisitive about the place Aonung mentioned, and suggests they go there for a "real hunt".

Aonung accepts, but his friends get concerned since going immediately to the Three Brothers cove (cant remember the exact name, so excuse me) would mean theyre risking their lives since they were taught as children in stories and their own initial training to never go at certain times and conditions and they shouldnt regardless without explicit permission; they are also not read themselves to take on anything they might attract since they dont know how to hunt big game and akula lurks there. Aonung silences them (still deciding if I'd want them to gather in a group huddle away from Lo'ak or Neteyam, or if they'd just make quick comments and facial expressions alluding to dangers). He then convinces them he has a plan for if they get in danger and they all go.

The Metkayina kids knowingly going to the cove at a bad time unbeknownst to Lo'ak and Neteyam would explain why they were the only ones out there and why they encountered no hunting parties despite it being "where the men hunt". It would also clarify Aonung's cruelty as a personal flaw rather than an attitude of the Metkayina toward outsiders, and make Aonung's cruelty an outlier among their group that makes him more realistically apologetic for the customs violations and near death experence he and his friends knowingly brought to the refugees when they get punished.

Anyway, this is where the scene when Lo'ak being tricked into baiting the akula happens in canon, but instead of Lo'ak calling underwater and the Metkayina kids immediately abandoning them afterward, I'd rewrite the character interactions in this scene to be more involved:

they arrive and all start out above water. The Metkayina kids teach Lo'ak and Neteyam (who reluctantly followed) things about the cove, including where it gets its name and why only men or seasoned warriors hunt there. This introduces the akula, but in a way that alludes the audience that Aonung is lying, and tricks the Omatikaya boys since they dont know any better and Aonung plans to abandon them there to fend for themselves. They quickly go underwater so they can not waste time talking, be more immersed in the hunt (where sign language is more useful), and so the next parts flow easier into what was already canon about their interactions being underwater.

Aonung's friends gradually go from "in" on the trick to uncomfortable when Aonung gets too bold in his lies and even demonstrates a call that would alert an akula to them. Similar to the Thanator, the akula is a formidable predator the Metkayina respect in fear and avoid, but Aonung describes it as a big yet harmless fish thats challeneging to catch. Neteyam, not being the one who came to prove anything to anyone, notices the body language of the other Metkayina boys (as it gets worse hearing the call underwater) and gets suspicious about the impending presence of danger. But his suspicions are not enough to convince Lo'ak because he's tired of hom acting like he knows everything, and he's not going to forfeit his chance to prove himself again, especially in front of his goody-two-shoes brother.

Soon, Aonung's plan backfires as theres less syncronization between his nervous self and his nervous friends. They arent attached to the ilu, but one Metkayina boy slowly and suspiciously makes his way to his in nervousness. The ilu, already sensing an akula coming close, gets extra spooked shortly after tsaheylu since the kid got so nervous the ilu felt it, too. As the kid and ilu flee in fear away from the cove, Aonung reassures everyone in a lie that its part of custom for someone in a hunting party to track an akula's scent. But Neteyam signs "alone?" which makes Lo'ak somewhat suspicious for the first time.

Aonung signs to his other friend that he should go along with the other guy, lying again about a "buddy system" that "trackers" use when trailing a close akula scent, and gestured to him to go after the other guy using sign that was a colloquial phrase expressing "get the fuck outta here too" unbeknownst to the Omatikaya boys. We see Neteyam and Lo'ak shrugging at what they said but evermore suspicious.

Aonung is stuck with his lies, and with Lo'ak and Neteyam, who are getting more suspicious from using the secret phrasing, and splitting up in the hunt. Lo'ak taunts Aonung for being visibly nervous, signing he isnt man enough to be out here and his ilu knows it, too, or some quip like that. Neteyam compliments that insult by signing a suggestion that they all leave since this is lame, the way the hunt doesnt make sense, and he thinks the ilu are scared because "theyre telling us something youre not". Aonung takes this as offensive because he's being called a liar and that outsiders seeking uturu have no place questioning their clan's customs. Their ilu get spooked when they notice an akula from a distance, and Aonung unable to get himself out of this one rhetorically, grabs his ilu and gets out of there literally, riding away in spite and fear.

Neteyam and Lo'ak look a little confused but somewhat amused. Lo'ak arrogantly confirms his theory that the Metkayina boys arent real men and Neteyam concludes the akula is not what Aonung made it out to be either. He also suggests they should be worried because they dont know what it really is since Aonung lied but its enough to spook the ilu so they wouldnt be enough for the two of them to handle. The akula suddenly makes a quick appearence and dashes to the boys, who, just in time, get to their ilu and scram. Id write that while escaping, they get a chance to resurface quickly, and while being chased, get a few more changes to resurface in mid air when they have to jump out the water for arial leverage from the akula's attacks.

I think where I'd fundamentally change the story here is that both Neteyam and Lo'ak struggle to get away from the akula together. Lo'ak cant keep up so Neteyam signs/gestures that they both have to seek a nearby reef for cover. They break tsaheylu with their ilu to bait the akula away and save time to get in the reef. We see a short shot of the akula swiming to get the ilu but specifically at an angle that shows the ilu being too fast and agile to foreshadow that it returns.

Neteyam and Lo'ak need to resurface for air and they try when they think the akula took the bait. They get to resurface and have a short word with each other that the cowards set them up and their ilu are gone. But Neteyam says they have to go back to the reef since he doesnt have a plan and the akula or other akula are about. They swim back down just in time as the akula returns. They struggle to get away from it as they hide in different parts of the reef. This is where they parallel the scene in A1 when Jake hid from with the Thanator in the tree.

I think I'd keep Lo'ak going out to face the akula to not stray from canon. Id write that Neteyam and Lo'ak hide in a part of the cove that partitions them but they can still see each other. Neteyam struggles to sign that he has no plan to escape. This scares Lo'ak because he can see Neteyam losing oxygen. But he becomes frustrayed with him, seeing him as a coward that knows he can be wrong after all and is abandoning them both to die. He takes matters into his own hands and leaves his side of the reef to challenge the akula head on and save them both while proving himself, even in death. Neteyam watches in disbelief and shock in the reef as hes too weak to swim to Lo'ak (or we see him trying to swim after Lo'ak in the reef but he gets stuck or something). This is when Payakan comes and kills the akula, which both Lo'ak and Neteyam witness.

Now of course ur prolly wondering, how would you write Neteyam since he saw Payakan save them both and would thus would both be protagonists with relationship with Payakan? I think I would write so that Lo'ak and Neteyam lose consciousness from not resurfacing at different times but when Pakayan saves the two, Neteyam remains unconscious on Payakan's one fin and Lo'ak wakes up on the opposide fin (youll have to suspend disbelief here on how Payakan got Neteyam from the reef lol). Lo'ak thanks Payakan for saving them and introduces himself, but then asks about his brother's whereabouts, which he sees and gets worried. Payakan reassures Lo'ak that he's still alive and he'll get them both near home safely in time. He does and their ilu find them to ride home (which will be briefly revealed later that they were sent out to scope certain areas for them in a searchy party).

I think this introductory scene between Lo'ak and Neteyam would be shorter as we're only meant to confirm Payakan as a character in the film than just in an in-universe story early on (I feel like Payakan would be introduced earlier in the cultural rites scenes, as someone, maybe Aonung, describes Lo'ak or Kiri as an "outcast" who's weird and doesnt follow rules similar to Payakan (in the contex of Metkayina culture, this is pejorative). Overtime, we see Lo'ak's scenes of trying to find Payakan and become his brother alone because Neteyam (being someone trying to prove his role to his parents, and be a better role model than Lo'ak) follows orders to treat Payakan as an outsider and respect Metkayina customs. This, imo, would make Lo'aks comment toward him later that he isnt his brother and Payakan is even more impactful.

Anyway these scenes would end by Lo'ak and Neteyam being found by the search parties in a safer area of water near the clans on their ilu. Payakan was near but not with them, as he's an outsider to the Metkayina Na'vi too. He told them told them theyd be safe and found there, and that hed not stray far before they were found just in case something happened again and he would hear them if it did.

When Lo'ak and Neteyam were leaving Payakan to mount their ilu, Neteyam was gaining consciousness and regained it by the time the search party showed up. Aonung and his friends were part of the party and they locked embarassed silent glances with Lo'ak and Neteyam, who met them with angry, cold stares. This then transitions to a scene where Tonowari, Ronal, Jake Neytiri scold the kids at home, and Aonung and Lo'ak try to take the heat for each other.

In that scene tho, I'd write that when the parents scold them all, Neteyam initially tries to blame himself for enabling the idea to go to the cove and disrespecting the people's customs, but Aonung takes blame and says hes the one who had the idea after he felt insecure and disrespected his own customs to embarass the boys, who were not to blame for breaking rules he lied about. Lo'ak takes the last blame to say he should have never entertained the idea to go to the cove even though his ego was bruised, too, and that its his fault they all got in that mess. They all exhange glances, silently noting how they all were willing to take the blame.

I guess I'd write next is that the parents make them all accountable in different ways but Aonung and his friends gets the worst punishment since theyre the hosts and they had the ultimate responsibility of their guests. They also dishonored customs, disrespcted the spirits and ancestors, disobeyed his parents, and was recklessly arrogant. Lo'ak I think tries to take blame again by saying it wasnt just him, but idk how id write that to not extend that scene and idk what else I'd write from here since I'd need to revist the film for how it played out in canon.

What do you all think of this? 👀

[haven-gum-rockrose]

tell us about riz (ask game)

RIZ RIZ RIZ BET

first impression: oh this boy has so much frantic energy omg and cares so much about this penny girl he tries so hard, hes completely not sleeping to find his only friend...... Fuck I'm gonna end up kinning this guy, aren't I. And then it just kept going

impression now: ...... he cares. so. much. i care so much. its everything and he is everything to me- i actually dont know how to express it. he's like- holy. literally, he works for heaven now. but thats not important, he is.

Favorite moment....... fuck.... hmm... god i really like his interactions with Kalina. it could be "hiss at her, litigator!" followed by him hissing in court, but thats more a fig thing so.... while its not necessarily the moment, i like what it came to mean for his character. Him stuck in the palimpsest at the arcade, having lost to Penny's game, cutting his hands digging through the crystals, simply because that is so often referred back to

HONORABLE MENTIONS BECAUSE HES MY LITTLE GUY AND FUCK IT WE BALL: "i'm really gonna spiral here" after getting his own private office to do pi shit in, him suggesting "we can throw rocks in the river" as a hangout option because his only experience with what hangouts are like comes from violent productive adventuring and also noir mystery films/books/games, Riz inventinting the Night Yorb because he couldnt just relax. HIM TALKING TO HIS MOM ABOUT LIKE- IDFK WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF OR HOW TO INTERACT WITH MY FRIENDS IF THERES NOT A PROBLEM I CAN SOLVE- like shoot me with a fucking gun why dont you- uhhhhhh... "its just a metal tube. i think its beautiful *and then i do a little dance*" ..... theres a lot imma shut up

Story idea....... shit- him hanging out with the seven. please. idk, im very content with my- WAIT NO i wouldnt write about him, but any fanfic where he interacts with jawbone(like as the guidance counselor, not as the dad of most of his friends) - head in hands-

unpopular opinion: shipping fabriz is fine. like i dont like it and any ship stuff for them i read(which i do read) i am personally interpreting as platonic cuz im really good at that, or unrequited. i know a lot of people get pressed about it cuz aroace erasure which yeah if youre changing him to demi thats a bit- or if its one of those "Pok was right, he might just be a late bloomer, lol theyre aged up and actually riz finds out he's pan lololol" thats a bit - like please stop. but if hes dating the guy as an aroace person or theyre qpring. whats the big deal. i know riz doesnt want a relationship and all but - that the point of shipping? like i know for some people its uncomfy especially with how its the most popular d20 ship(at least based on ao3), but to me its like- shipping is literally pushing together characters and its always purely self indulgent??? like ship whoever you want as long as he stays aroace. anyways i didnt need to justify myself and show both arguements like that. none of you know this guy. except two people hi eni and aether

favorite relatioship: ..... LISTEN IGNORE EVERYTHING I JUST SAID. FABIAN AND RIZ THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS FABIAN SEACASTER AND THE FUCKING BALL LIKE THEYVE COME SO FAR IN THEIR DYNAMIC ITS CHANGED SO MUCH - theyre so opposites theyre everything theyre everything THEY SHOULDNT BE FRIENDS! AND THEYRE NOT!! THEYRE BEST FRIENDS!!!! AUGH!!!

favorite headcanon: autistic and anxious...... uh..... my brain is very gone... i think he still has like a bunch of different friendship bracelets from Penny that he keeps in like little collectors cases. ALSO I DONT THINK SHE EVER GAVE THEM TO HIM I THINK THEY WOULD JUST LIKE APPEAR ON HIS WRIST SHE WAS SLEIGHT OF HANDING THOSE SHITS ONETO HIS WRISTS BECAUSE HE COMPLAINED IT DIDNT MATCH HIS AESTHETIC AND THEN SHED LEAVE AND HE BE LIKE- im gonna frame this and put in on my wall.... but like as in in a false bottom in a drawer so its cooler

[kasaneteto]

things that have been on my mind recently:

1) i miss the posting format of twitter. well i guess not the posting so much as the following format. the posting aspect is not that different from tumblr i just miss having a private space to ramble, because tumblr is much more anyone-can-see-it. private instagrams arent the same. passworded blogs arent the same either cuz iirc those posts dont show up on your dash so thats more like screaming into a void. fuck you elon musk for taking away my safe space 🖕 it has been nice to talk more with people i wasn’t seeing on twitter tho. so im glad about that at least. its also VERY nice to not have a character limit

2) i use romantic relationships as a crutch in my life which is why theyve all turned out the way they have. or at least part of it. i need to have a relationship that moves slowly but ive never had that. every relationship ive ever had was like, jumping head first into the deep end. there was no build up or anything it was just “i like you” “i like you too” “okay we are dating now” and then i spend all day every day with that person until i get tired of them and the relationship. its fucked up!!!! i don’t want to be like that!!!! i have no idea when ill be ready for a new relationship but when i am i need to be pickier. i need to go for someone who’s exactly my type. because i also need to learn how to be independent and im still learning that. but once im independent enough to start dating again i need to wait for the perfect person to come into my life & then throw everything at them. (had a whole long thing describing my type here that i cut bc i dont want anyone to think im describing them and get weird in my dms. idk i attract desperate weirdos like flies so im being careful leave me alone) and who knows how long it will take to find someone like that! could take forever! anyways ive gone way off the rails here but the point im trying to make is that im perfectly content waiting for the perfect person to come into my life because i need to be focused on myself right now anyways.

3) i do very poorly with guilt & feeling like ive upset someone important to me. especially if the upset feels justified to me. my brain tends to rationalize my behavior for me by thinking things like “thats a weird thing to be upset by” or something when like. that doesn’t matter. maybe this is a normal thing to do but i wish guilt didnt consume me the way it does. even after ive apologized and the person has forgiven me im still so guilt ridden that it makes me depressed. its so weird. i don’t understand it at all. its something i gotta talk to my therapist abt. thats why im writing all of this down anyways is so ill remember what i wanna talk to her abt this week lol

[reinereix]

problems :))

my parents have been fighting continuously over extended familial problems and my mom blames it all on me that bcuz of me they are fighting. my dad blames my mom that she doesnt look after me and cuz of dat i score less marks. they have been extra like super extra pressurising me to study but since July ion even feel like and even if i get 45/50 they scold me! my friend scored 46 and compared me to her... my tution teacher told my parents that i dont pay attention in the class nor tuition just because i yawn... and because of that my parents have been extra pressurising me. i dont even get free time.. of my own.. always telling me to study (im in 9th grade). my mom's getting a lot over controlling now. she asked me to delete ig cuz its a "distraction" when its the only one app which makes me feel like yeah im doing well (tho ik im addicted) In July 2023, i once accidentally posted a meme of my teacher (not made by me) on my story and a bitch snitched on me and told her and the teacher complained the principal and she called my dad! and i got real bad scolding in a very harsh tone by my dad i swear... after dat day i have never been the same. they dont even trust me when i say it wasnt me who made it. i lost my appetite... i lost my energy. I WAS JUST WASNT THE SAME. i almost blacked out in the middle of shopping... my mom tells me she should have killed me when i was born. i should have been born as a cow not human and if i was she would have beat me up in the worst possible way. she runs behind me with a heated pressure cooker and knife etc if we even get in an argument. today she picked up my guitar to hit me. before it was a chair. my parents threaten to rot me, lock me up, break my legs, hands etc. my mom says im not worthy to be a human and when i say her the things which she says me she's triggered and wants to hit me. and i cant even justify/explain myself because that's considered talking back. cant shut the door for gods sake. one time it slipped from my mouth that i might be in depression infront of my mum and all she said was "dats why u gotta study" "what pain/sadness do you have? do you not get food? clothing? shelter? do we not provide you with everything you need" my parents forbad me to take part in any extra curricular activities and forcing me to take part in quizes and what not, like debates? competition regarding intellect which ive absolutely no interest in...plus watching yt explanation videos is also not allowed atm DUDE IM SO DONE.. i cant even visit my friends, nor go out w them... i cant even tell my dad im using insta...i cant even tell them ab my male friends, cant even introduce my male seniors (who are like my brothers) to them, cant invite them over either...its an unending list.. i wished to write more but nvm! thanks for reading :) i hope you are having an amazing day/night <3 with regards - T ps im from India

[amygdalae]

sooo uh. i own a gamer chair now