#but also if you don't see the negotiation and communication already happening

[not-poignant]

Are Sebastian and Alex going to learn about bdsm and safe practices/negotiation? Or do they keep fumbling around and doing what they're doing?

Hi anon,

People who learn about BDSM don't necessarily practice safe practices or negotiation.

And there are elements of negotiation in this story! It's not a black and white 'they're not doing this in a paint-by-numbers sort of way and therefore it doesn't count' situation, y'know?

They are two characters in their mid-20s who live in a tiny town, one of those characters is dyslexic to the point that he can barely read, and the other's method of doing things has worked for him all his life (or so he thinks), they don't have any reason/s to learn about BDSM, and it's not likely that either of them ever will.

That also doesn't mean that they can't enjoy their kinky sex life.

There has been a lot of discussion already, and there will be more and more going forwards. It might not be at the level most people want, but Sebastian has certainly obtained consent (more than once), offered and then insisted on debriefs and post-sex discussion, explained to Alex how to communicate if he hates something, and made it clear that what he likes is unusual and sadistic in nature. It's also clear that Alex likes being pushed, i.e. - not being forced to give consent in every circumstance when someone can take control and give him what he wants anyway. That's actually pretty common in some people with a child abuse background who become people pleasers.

If you want negotiation + safe practices at a certain level, you'd have to completely remake Alex's character into someone who can magically be a functional, communicative, healthy human being, and he's not that. Alex is getting better at communicating (that's how we go this far in the story in the first place), but if you expect this story to end on Alex being a perfect human who can do Instagram-level kink negotiation, then no, this isn't the story you want, anon.

If you look deeper and don't expect cookie cutter kinds of dialogue, there has been ongoing negotiation in the story since the early chapters. When Alex makes it clear through physical response and then verbal that he doesn't like yelling, Sebastian stops yelling. When Sebastian makes it clear that he has complicated feelings about hiring his ex-school bully as a cleaner, Alex makes it clear that he doesn't share those complicated feelings, especially in light of the pay rate. Sebastian consenting to Alex being his cleaner makes it clear that those terms are acceptable to him.

When Alex tries to undervalue himself, Sebastian makes it clear that he's not comfortable paying someone less simply because they value themselves less. When Alex then takes that pay, it's a form of consent to Sebastian's attitudes. Their relationship has been an ongoing negotiation since the beginning, and that's how they've grown closer. If you're used to only looking for very obvious signs of negotiation, it might be easy to miss the non-verbal and subtle forms of negotiation that are happening.

For example, it might not seem like it, but Sebastian - many chapters ago now - talking about how he likes control in the bedroom and that turning Alex on long before they'd ever shared anything sexual together, is a form of communication. Alex learns he likes the idea of it without it ever been forced on him, and Sebastian wouldn't have that conversation with someone he didn't trust (for example, Alex in the beginning of the story). They had to have trust to have that conversation, Alex had to have trust to ask Sebastian questions about it in the oblique way he did, and they had to share a common comfortability have a conversation in that direction in the first place.

In A Stain that Won't Dissolve, these things don't look like a psychologist's version of: 'Okay, what do you want, and this is what I want, and here's where we meet in the middle' - a lot of life doesn't look like this (but if you want that, I've written that in Falling Falling Stars - it still has dubious consent though, lol). Both Alex and Sebastian have poor communication on their side, and it's a growth story for the two of them.

But no, I have no intention of Sebastian ever learning terms like 'subspace' or 'RACK' or anything like that. A lot of people in the world, especially prior to easy access to the internet, figured this stuff out on their own and many of them made it work even without the rigid or codified structures of the world of BDSM (and some of those people went on to invent the world of BDSM that we take for granted today).

It's the kinks that make you kinky, not the knowledge of an acronym or the world it engenders.

There's also no reason to think that Sebastian has access to a healthy education about BDSM there, it's not like Elliott was practicing much healthy BDSM in my other Stardew fic, The Wind that Cuts the Night, :D Elliott knew all about safe practices, negotiation, and BDSM, and chose to ignore a lot of the safe stuff over messing around more dangerously.

The fumbling around is the point, basically. Growing up is messy, and dubious consent is hot (for some of us), and there are many ways we communicate with the people around us, especially when it's two guys in a town the valourises machismo and stoicism over emotional openness, and one of those guys was beaten by his father over not being macho and strong enough which makes him exceptionally resistant to communicating clearly even about basic subjects and needs.

That's the part I actually really love about this story.

[polyamorousmood]

Genuine question about poly (I've been thinking about whether it's something I'd want to try, with me being ace it's probably my best option for finding a partner-) how do you compromise when it comes to bigger life decisions? Unless you're in a triad or a bigger sort of "closed circle" polycule, and you compromise among each other (which also seems more difficult tbh), to me it seems like poly relationships are like a web that contains many many people because you're dating three people, they're dating a few other people, and so on. So either you have primary relationships where you prioritize each other and don't mind leaving the other ones behind (which seems a bit idk. I would not be the primary relationship because I won't have sex and ace men are very rare from the surveys I've seen. A lifetime of being in the periphery doesn't seem desireable to me.) Or you act as an individual agent and basically have to break up with everyone if you ever want to move which seems horrific and like a massive commitment. I guess you could do long distance but I don't see long distance working if your partner has other partners they can interact with normally..

I mean. There's no one answer here. You're making a lot of assumptions (which may be but are not always true) so let's break this down bit my bit. Buckle up 💺we got stuff to discuss

But if you want a TL;DR: How do you make that decision in a monog relationship if Partner A wants to leave but Partner B has family here? Well, there's a lot of discussion and someone has to compromise on something. How it shakes out will depend on the people and the specific situation.

"the poly web🕸️" While a polycule can spiral into something huge via the "everyone has three partners" principle, its also possible it stays pretty small. Not everyone in a polycule will want to date someone else, not everyone who wants to date someone else will be able to find someone else to date, etc etc. Small polycules are common in practice.

"aces ♠️won't be the 'primary partner'" I respect you hedging your expectations and understand the reasoning there, but the poly community is pretty open to weird relationship dynamics. You could be the "primary" and your partner could have a couple other relationships to get sexual needs met. You could join an ace polycule. Your partner could have you and one other person and see you both as equal.

"Moving💼 means taking or leaving everyone -- or prioritizing" I... I guess it could? But if you know you're wanting to move far away, you're probably discussing that quite a while in advance, and then only dating people who are okay with things being short term or moving with you. Or a lot of poly relationships are already long distance, so one person moving makes very little difference! There's a lot of options there, which leads to point 4

"Long distance✈️ can't work if your partner has local partners" LDRs in poly relationships are common. I honestly see it as easier because you can have your physical needs met by someone else

"A lifetime of being in the periphery🥈" you're never locked down. If you're not getting what you need from ANY relationship, I hope you're negotiating about it or leaving. If being poly only works for you if you're the primary, but your partner can fuck whoever, you wouldn't be the first. Even if you don't want to impose those rules, there are options, and your partner should be working to make you happy. It can be a hell of a learning curve sometimes, I admit, but you can find a weird way of being that works for everyone. Or you can leave! Or they could leave you for unrelated reasons! Or maybe they go to prison for embezzlement and that sort of ends the relationship for you! All sorts of shit could come up.

"this is a poly problem" Bestie. Do you know how many movies have been made on the premise of "my spouse got a job offer far away but I don't want to move"? This is something that could happen in any relationship. I'm not saying having other people involved wouldn't be a variable in the equation, but your relationship with your partner is no different from a monogamous one in this aspect. How that decision gets made is the same to me as how it would get made in a monog relationship where one person has family they don't want to leave. Maybe you do split up, maybe you try long distance, maybe partner A decides not to move, maybe partner B decides they're willing to move with them after all (and then subsequent partners make the same choice). And its not perfect in any of these options, in fact it probably really fucking sucks. But life is messy. This shit happens.

And like, you don't have to try polyamory. There are asexual people out there you could meet and love. There are allosexual people out there who would be willing to give that up to be with you. You could do an open relationship situation where your partner doesn't "date" anyone else, but can still sleep around. Or you can join an asexual polycule!

So how do major life choices get decided in a polycule? The same way major life decisions get made anywhere. Hopefully, everyone says their peace and gets to weigh in. Hopefully the life goals align. Failing that, hopefully there's a compromise that's acceptable to everyone, but maybe there isn't and it forces a break up (or 6). Maybe some break up but not everyone, like so:

Or some of the relationships turn into long distance or whatever. Man there's too many variables. Some people view things as hierarchical and some don't. Some people don't but functionally have only been dating one person for 4 months so they're easier to leave -- or know they cannot live with another person because they're too disorganized so going long distance is fine. You don't know until you're there. I'm losing the thread, but you know what I'm saying.

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

Biodad! Bruce Wayne

Realised I haven't posted anything Maribat related in a while. Also realised that it's Biodad! Bruce Wayne month.

I am currently on break from fic writing until October. This happened because the wifi was out for a while and I lacked motivation to study.

-----

Marinette is a Wayne and everyone knows except for the new kids aka Alya, Adrien and Lila.

Mari doesn't flaunt her wealth or tried to hide it but everyone just sort of forgets when she is as down to earth as the rest of them.

Except for the certain times she shows it and everyone is violently reminded that she is richer than Chloe Bourgeosis (who can't stand that fact.)

Picture this, Set season 3-ish, Spring Break is over and everyone is coming back from their vacation.

Chloe comes in a limo and bragging about her vacation in the Carribean or something.

Adrien looks around and is like, "Where's Marinette?"

Marinette hasn't been heard from all break and Alya is only aware that she is visiting family in the States.

Anyways, bell rings to signal classes and still no sign of Marinette.

Then, the chopping sounds of a helicopter is heard and everyone looks up to the sky and sees one.

Everyone moved out of the way as they realised that it was going to land in the courtyard (Or the sake of crack and the magic of imagination and fiction, let's pretend this is allowed and possible)

"I wonder if that is a new student." Adrien wondered.

"Ooh, I hope they aren't another Chloe. They seem rich if they are coming to school by helicopter." Alya said.

"That's Marinette." Nino explained.

"Where?" Adrien looked around for his very good friend.

"The helicopter. It's hers. Well, it belongs to her family. See?" Nino pointed out the Wayne logo to his friends.

"No freaking way." Alya exclaimed, "Marinette's not…" She stopped upon seeing a familiar girl exit the helicopter, arguing with a man in English.

"B, I am not going back out on this. I am staying in Paris and that is final." Marinette yelled.

"Sweetheart, but think of the akumas. They are dangerous." The man tried to appeal to her.

"It's fine and I am not dead yet. Plus I don't want you bubble wrapping me to 'protect' me if I stay in Gotham."

"I am not that bad."

"It's that Bruce Wayne? That's Bruce Wayne." Alya pointed and turned to Nino, "Why is Bruce Wayne here and why does Marinette know him?"

"You don't know?"

"Of course, I don't." Alya feels like there is a story here and Nino is not telling her what it is.

Adrien raised his hands, "Same here."

"How do you not know?" Nino waved towards the pair, "Mari's father is Bruce Wayne."

"What?" Alya and Adrien exclaimed. Brain.exe has stopped working.

"Everybody knew that."

"We didn't. What do you mean my girl's father is one of the richest man on the planet?" Alya demanded as she shook her boyfriend for more answers.

"I know it sounds hard to believe but yeah. Marinette is Bruce Wayne's daughter."

Alya walked away in disbelief and muttering on her phone, trying to see if it was true. She screamed, "Oh my God" when she found Marinette's Wikipedia page.

Adrien is just looking like a lost puppy.

"Dude, you okay?" Nino asked.

"Why didn't Marinette tell me? I thought we were friends."

"Adrien, I think she forgot that you didn't know since all of us already knew and plus I thought you would have known before this. Don't you rich kids hang out in the same circles or something?"

"If my father lets me go out and that is rarely. So no."

"Oh right, your old man. Look, Mme. Mendeleeve is coming. We better get to class. You can ask Marinette why she didn't tell you then."

In the Meantime, Marinette and Bruce had stopped yelling at each other and were angrily doing ASL to communicate hero business.

The helicopter had flew away after dropping off its passengers.

"Mme. Marinette and M. Wayne, it's time for Mademoiselle's class to start so I hope you can continue this fight after school." Mme. Mendeleeve interuppted them.

"Yes, Ma'am/miss"

"And Marinette," Bruce called, "We will negotiate this for a compromise over lunch."

"Fine." Marinette groaned and walked away with the teacher.

Bruce ignored Damocles, who had hurriedly changed out of his Owl Knight costume to greet the billionaire, as he made his way to the expensive-looking car parked in front of the school.

"Oh, wait. Principal Damocles." Bruce said as if he remembered something before opening the door, "Marinette had been complaining about another girl in her class who had been threatening her and apparently framing her for cheating on test and theft. I was also told that she was expelled because of it. Why was I not aware about this?"

Damocles paled and stuttered out a poor excuse.

"I also hear that the Bourgeosis girl is still having her way with everything and picking fights with my daughter."

"About that. Chloe insists on being in the same class as Marinette and the Mayor intervene everytime we try to do something about it."

"I see. I am already considering pulling her out since Hawkmoth is making a big mess of the city. At least back at home, there are protocols in school for attacks but I don't see any in your school policies for akuma attacks."

"Um. We- er are working on it. You see Hawkmoth is a recent thing and um-" Blah. blah. blah. Bruce just hears more excuses.

"Hn." and Bruce gets into his car and drove away.

Damocles made a note to tell Bustier to take Marinette's side for a while.

In the class, Lila was eagerly bristling with excitement. There was a new student in school who arrived by helicopter and it had the Wayne logo. One of the richest children in the world was attending the school. Forget Agreste, this was a bigger fish to fry. She was far away to see who the student was and Mme. Mendeleeve prevented her from getting a closer look but she could recognise them by the red clothes they wore to school. Hopefully, they were in the same class as hers. Lila prayed hard to see a new face as people trickled in. She even got Nathaniel to sit with Ivan so there is an empty seat next to her.

However, she had no luck when Marinette, usually the last one to class, arrived and there was still no new student.

That is until Adrien asked loud enough for everyone to hear, "Marinette, why didn't you tell me that your father is Bruce Wayne?"

Lila nearly crack her neck by turning her head so fast to stare at Marinette who answered, "I thought you already knew." in a confused tone.

Sure enough, Marinette was wearing the same clothes the supposed Wayne child had. Lila has a crisis since one of the best golden ticket to fame and fortune already knew she was a liar.

"Is he really your father?" Alya grabbed Marinette.

"Yes." Marinette looked between Adrien and Alya who both looked betrayed, "Why do you look so confused about it? Everybody knew."

"Everybody. Except us."

Lila picked that moment to chimed in, "Marinette, how could you not tell me that you are a Wayne? I thought that we were friends." Hoping she could salvage something.

Marinette made a face and it was gone as she replied, "It's not like I hid the fact that I am a Wayne. Maybe I wasn't as obvious about my wealth like Chloe and most people assumed that my last name is Dupain-Cheng because she called me that. I kinda forgot you didn't know because everyone already knew. So no hard feelings?"

Alya sighed, "I can't get mad when I know how scattered you get. I mean some things are now obvious now that I think about it and it explains some things."

The rest of the day, Lila tries to act all buddy-buddy with Marinette and Marinette ignores her.

[greekceltic]

We're still putting the info together and the discord/website look like a tornado ran through them, but here is a break down of what Hetherev (2) is. This group is 21+ only. So is the discord. Hetherev was an ArtRPG on Deviantart that I created some years ago, with the help of a small group whose names I don't quite remember. I kept the name for sentimental reasons, but this group is new and uses Discord as its base. It is not a reset of or continuance of the former. It is its own thing, with new sets of challenges and a slightly different spin on the interdimensional trope Heth was originally based on.

From the website: Hetherev is a fantasy world that exists between other worlds. Anyone from anywhere can just happen into it! Getting there is easy. Getting out? ... Not so much. Drop an OC in our sandbox and progress its story by drawing challenges and exploring zones, and meet some other OCs along the way! Work at your own pace. There are no deadlines! Do I have to Rp? Nope. Roleplay is available if you want it, but this is an art challenge group that encourages its members to do more art and learn from the art that they do, while having fun progressing their character's story. It's an artist's playground and an excuse to draw your OC meeting the OCs of others. There are no deadlines and no pressure to return art if someone happens to draw your OC in their challenge. This group is 21+ and up only. I wish we could include all ages, but this is non-negotiable. We look forward to seeing you all when you turn 21- and of course ArtRPGs are not unique to us. Anyone can make one. Do I have to be an artist? An understanding of the basics and a willingness to draw characters in interactive scenes is required to do art challenges- so on some level yes. We accept a broad range of skill levels. However if you're not an artist and want to lurk, you're welcome to come do so. Can I lurk? Yup. At the moment I'm running it mostly by myself- and might decide to keep doing it solo. I also have old lady wrists. Please be patient with the approval process, lack of info, conflicting info, etc. The discord is already populated with people who were in the original group and know how this works, if you're confused just ask.

[glass--beach]

my personal idea of how this album works as a metaphor is keyed on the idea of discovering oneself as transgendered increasingly in time. it's probably keyed through my own experience but all art is, basically. so,

starting with coelacanth, a song named after a creature widely known as a living fossil, ie focusing on the notion of an old animal. a dying animal. the song feels lethargic throughout and mellow. "the ghost rots away through the embrace of its own gaze" something already dead rots further, further, by the way of its self perception. coelacanth is about the body as a condemning routine.

motions is about the machine-like experience of trying to feel better and find direction while stuck in the prism of other people's gaze. "motions", as in trying to move, but without a particular direction.

slip under the door is about seeking escape. i know this feeling much too well... it's pure rage and anger at realizing of not being afforded any bodily autonomy.

guitar song is about writing about these things. struggling to delineate one's experiences while feeling a burning need to express them nonetheless.

rare animal is the key to the whole album posed as a question. it's at once self acceptance, seeing oneself as a rare beast, the idea of the romantic relationship here is just a metaphor about one's relationship with gender: the song asks, is it really ok to be so attached to something that gives you nothing but a meandering sense of emptiness? DB cooper's case here is being used as a way to talk about a "previous self" disappearing. it's trying to use the image of transness as deviant to the purpose of being admonishing, something dangerous and that the wider public is unable to understand, and then trying to answer to that by saying "ok. and? i know what happened to DB cooper. he got away with the ransom." which is to say that it's underlining that the presupposed 'deviancy' is fine. not being understood by everyone is fine; you can be a rare animal if you want to be.

cul-de-sac is self-reflection; it's about interpreting one's past and trying to understand why it took so long to figure out what was figured out in rare animal. and it turns out: it's the culture of normativity that the cul-de-sac, as the idyllic american suburb ideal represents as a whole. it's a symbol of the Nuclear Family. it's also interesting to not that a cul-de-sac is topographically a dead end. it doesn't change. it does not move.

whalefall is probably the one i'm less sure about how to fit in this whole interpretation of the album... but i feel like it's specifically about, in this key about the album as a whole Transgender Metaphor, a song about being denied the resources one might need for transitioning.

puppy is about the frustration of having to negotiate your existence through the terms of other people's sense of normalcy. you have to be a puppy to be accepted; you have to stay between the bars and service the people who almost mockingly and most definitely cruelly get to decide whereas your existence is ok or not.

the killer functions as a counterpart to puppy, where the killer is specifically about what happens when you don't comply by the rules of normalcy, and are treated like an animal to be hunted. so in a way it's specifically about the idea of how society operates on this fucked up notion of policing as a necessary corrective element within it.

the CIA then is about the way us trans people have to deal with our intimacy and privacy is seen as non-existent for the sake of someone's "innocent" curiosity and desire to objectify an entire person.

200 follows the CIA but on a positive note. it's about finding comfort and privacy through someone else, be it a specific individual or through community. 'autocannibal' i think might be a reference to conflicted feelings regarding finding a venue for sexuality that involves self-acceptance of one's body or somesuch? like it reminds me when i was really early on in my own journey as a trans person i was afraid of finding other people with my kind of body attractive and of being a chaser as a trans person.

commatose is what made me realize about this whole key of understanding the album. commatose is a play on comatose and comma as a feeling of lethargy and separation, but i think specifically the sense of separation is something deeply desired. the perspective the song has is specifically about feeling lethargic and needing something new: desiring a plastic death. plastic death is underlined as being specifically about plasticity, the ability for something to change and adapt, and death. which to me says that this album was about one thing: death as a means to change. the caterpillar dies, the butterfly lives.

abyss angel is about coming out. it's about being treated with supposed sympathy and empathy by someone who also makes no effort to actually understand you. it's also about understanding how it might be strange to see someone change so radically, and knowing that it doesn't excuse being mistreated because of it. it's also about finding repose in the abyss, being ok with changing, being something different from what you were before.

ok that was much longer than i expected. i hope it's not too weird seeing this huge ask in your inbox! i'm just sort of sending this as a kind of message in a bottle to show you my interpretation of your text. regardless of whether it's correct or not (i don't think such a thing exists in art) i hope you get something about reading this, whatever it is. thank you for making this album!

wow this is a really cool interpretation! i agree there is not a “correct” one and it’s been very interesting to see what others gather from it. i actually used to love to try to create narratives out of albums - i have a theory now that many well sequenced albums unintentionally recreate the monomyth & ours is intentionally the monomyth… this is what james joyce does to the brain… i think that this sort of idea of a journey into the unknown (in this case, an internal rather than external unknown) followed the reconciliation of two worlds does speak to a kind of transgender experience. “abyss angel” is this reconciliation of two contradictory realities, an expression of love & hate at once “i want to hurt you so bad” - i think that that does speak to the feeling of coming out. at least in my experience. i love what you’ve found in the music here and while it does speak much to what we had intended i love how the narrative being conveyed can vary to much person to person but everybody seems to get the emotional story the same. thank you for letting me be weird and pretentious about this.

[fallinfl0wers]

hii! since ur requests are open could i request childe, thoma, yoimiya and nilou with a reader who has social anxiety/trouble socialising? if this prompt makes you uncomfortable, feel free to delete my ask! thanks 💗

fandom: genshin impact characters: childe, thoma, yoimiya, nilou reader type: gender neutral genre: general, fluff, comfort warnings: reader has social anxiety notes: as a person who has social anxiety, this was so sweet to write <3

Childe

Childe is great at socializing, actually. As an extrovert, he really has no trouble talking to people regardless of his or their intentions.

The first time he saw you freezing out of social anxiety took him aback, as it happened in what to him was a situation that could be easily solved.

Just the typical moment when the waiter gives you the wrong dish, and you can't find it in yourself to call out to them to communicate the issue.

He was that "Excuse me? They asked for no pickles!" meme lmao.

That's usually what he does when he sees a situation is too much for you no matter how much you're trying, he steps in to save your poor anxious heart

Encourages you to go out there and talk to people at your own pace- he will go right behind you!

Go shop for a small thing, borrow a book from the library, say hello to your coworkers, just walk around "on your own", he will be a couple of steps behind so you're not truly alone but also relying more on yourself.

He won't ever force you though, he'd rather you take your tiny slow steps to cope and deal with your anxiety than to force you into a distressing situation.

Thoma

Thoma, too is great at socializing. One of the best in this list tbh

He finds it both cute and worrying how shy you can get when it comes to socializing.

Once he realized that your problem went beyond the realms of shyness and straight into anxiety, his worry shoot up to the skies.

But he won't let you deal with this alone, nope nope!

The best way to fight fear is facing it directly! So, when he has to run errands around the city, he'll ask you to come with him.

Inserts you in social situations by bringing you out more often, letting you get used to people existing around you, and showing you how he negotiates and bargains.

Will practice speaking up with you, might even bring a couple trinkets to use as costumes to play the part of random strangers!

Your biggest supporter, will take you home when things get too hard for you, no matter what.

Yoimiya

Oh sweetheart, you shall never worry! Yoimiya's got your back now and forever!

It really pains her to see you freeze with fear when a social interaction is too much for you, so trust her to always stick by you and ease any possible awkwardness!

When walking through town, she will always hold onto your hand, filling the air with her voice to try to make you comfortable.

Interacting with people is very hard and scary for you, so she had the idea of bringing you with her when she's running errands, much like Thoma, so that you can see how she interacts and talks with other people.

Always reminds you to take it easy! You're already making big steps towards controlling your anxiety by going out every day and buying things you need.

She'll bring you along to play with the children or to shoot fireworks, hoping that while having fun, you'll relax enough to speak up a bit more.

When something is too much, she'll pull you away from the situation and ask if you want to go home. If you say yes, she'll go with you, but if you insist on staying, she'll keep more of a close eye on you.

Nilou

She hugs you when you tell her you have social anxiety.

It's okay! Nilou will be with you the entire way, so please, rest assured. She will extend her hand and let you take it as much as you need.

She's a sweet girl, polite and humble, so most of her advice to you will be to remind you to stay polite towards people you don't know- most of those people won't expect more than that from you, so it'll be okay.

Privately dances with you and tells you to imagine you're standing on stage with her. Let your body do the talking, release your stress and express yourself with your movements together with her!

She's heard that acting helps people who are bad at speaking or lack confidence... so maybe she could ask someone at the Grand Bazaar to help you with that?

Much like the others, Nilou will want you to tag along with her and will tag along with you if you feel like you can't go out alone.

Lets you try to do all the talking, but if you get too stuck in your anxiety, she comes to your rescue and speaks for you.

Nilou won't ever get frustrated with you, so don't worry! No matter how many times you stumble in your words, she will always be there for you!

fallinfl0wers. 2022.

[ctntduoarchive]

The interesting thing about the way c!quackity makes c!wilbur feel, is that it's because it's mostly the same way he has always treated c!wilbur. but the important part is: dissecting why it matters to c!wilbur now.

through out the elections era and the pogtopia arc (and with ghostbur as well, but that is less relevant in this conversation) c!quackity wants to communicate with c!wilbur on a personal level. we see in the elections era him approach c!wilbur with the request to "pick his brain": wishing to speak to him as a person.

while in pogtopia, he constantly approaches c!wilbur (and we see them share a lot of screen time) and is normally the one to take him down from pressing the buttons (on three occasions! three!). the way he negotiates with c!wilbur truly shows he understands how the man is thinking at the time - in niki's birthday party, you see him promise to move the date forward with the meeting with c!schlatt and that he will go through with c!wilbur's bomb plan if it falls through. because he understands that the man is too set on his idea of victory to sidetrack from it.

but if c!quackity is treating him like this the entire time, then why does c!wilbur only care after revival?

at first, in the elections, he does not want to connect with c!quackity. initially, he is mad at him for standing him up for minecraft monday the november before that (which is really funny, but also very much what happened) and speaks about he hates the man before we even see them in the same vc. only once they build the white house together (a good month or so later), does he start to feel he has bonded with c!quackity.

in pogtopia, c!wilbur doesn't want to be seen as human. or, more he wants to avoid communicating as a person with the people around him. he feels that 1, they don't understand his plans and reasoning behind them, and 2, he feels as if he has already hurt them too badly (from his action in creating l'manberg) to be forgiven.

only in the revival era, does he want to be a person again. he wants to be seen past his facades and as a human. he wishes to be connected with and understood, and for people to stay with him. and not out of fear, but out of care and love. and he wants people to not ignore that he is not just a scapegoat for their actions.

c!quackity doesn't treat him like that. also, c!quackity wants to build his legacy too, so why would he attribute his actions to c!wilbur's past?

he makes himself the easiest (and hardest <- i'll explain that) person to interact with. with everyone else, he expects them to cower away and avoid him.

but with c!quackity? on august 4th, we see c!wilbur go to las nevadas and be promptly unattended to. we see him go "[c!quackity] just goes and proves he doesn't give a shit..." after being ignored by his chat messages.

but at the end of the stream, we see him run off back to the ranvan and excitedly tell c!ranboo "[c!quackity] cares! he cares so much!"

c!wilbur isn't the only one unpredictable here, so is c!quackity to him.

he makes him feel seen. he makes him feel new. he makes him feel human.

[butwhatifidothis]

Do you think it'd be in character for Claude to fake an alliance with Edgey in GW Pt 2 so that he could undermine her while seeking an alliance with the Kingdom behind her back? I mean, that way, he could ask Rhea directly about what Edgey told him instead of blindly believing her.

It would be more in character, but not as much as it looks at first.

Because yes, Claude is very familiar with not exactly telling the truth, and he is also familiar with working around people who inherently distrust him. And something somewhat like this kinda happens in 3H, with Erwin - Claude has Nader create a distraction for the army to pass through Gloucester territory to Myrddin so that Erwin's forces don't intercept them (he does this in all the routes in fact, save for of course CF). So it's not like he isn't capable of some form of trickery, even when it comes to people he considers allies.

What becomes an issue though is that those sort of trickery means are mostly used for last-resort, fairly specific situations - Plan A wasn't to make Erwin think his lands are being attacked, it was the only option Claude had available due to the very landscape of Leicester necessitating going through Gloucester territory, and due to Erwin's stubbornness about aligning with the Empire (whether or not those reasons were self-serving or for self-preservation). Again, with Myrddin we see that he's willing to openly help the Kingdom/Church, despite the act of doing so breaking any neutrality the Alliance could have held onto. Communication with Erwin had already failed (due to, again, his stubbornness to align with the Empire), but Claude also explicitly says that he doesn't want to engage in actual combat with House Gloucester, so lies were the only way to go forward.

With the Empire, however, there was never any worry about engaging in combat with them - they invaded his lands, and he fought back. If Edelgard had started with negotiations with Claude first, that'd be one thing - if there was an attempt at an assurance for peace from Edelgard's end to start everything off, it'd make the idea of him joining her to betray her later have some ground to stand on logically. But with him doing absolutely nothing to provoke her she attacks his lands, which has two reasons for her doing so in specifically Claude's mind: taking Garreg Mach to use as a base, and getting rid of the Alliance and Kingdom at the same time.

To the first reason: while Garreg Mach is a good base, it's arguable that having to defeat the Alliance on top of fighting the Kingdom for it makes taking the base moot to begin with. Even for the symbolic nature of it, since Rhea has already been booted out at this point. The trouble would be more than its worth, essentially. And the second reason is... fairly obvious as to why that isn't gonna work out lmao.

Then there's also also the fact that Claude was handling the Empire pretty damn well - he is a young leader and is tricksty in his antics which means skepticism from his more experienced peers, the Alliance is known for its weaker military strength, and he had to deal with Shahid looming over his head, yet Claude still manages to hold off the Empire pretty effectively. So with Edelgard invading Claude's lands off rip and his shown proficiency at fighting back against her without much non-Alliance help, there's no benefit to siding with her, even falsely - none that would outweigh the benefits of siding with a party that has given him no misgivings, in any case. She's not a force that is too big to take on from the outside and so needs to be taken out from the inside, so going through the effort of getting inside is meaningless.

So, would falsely siding with Edelgard while secretly siding with the Kingdom be more in character? It certainly can be, if one plays the cards right. But given how Claude's handling of the Empire and Edelgard's actions against the Alliance are written, it'd be far more in character for him to just side with the Kingdom outright at that point

[threadsun]

So like-

Learned my partner is a masochist and I need tips, and I thought you'd be good help since you're someone they follow

This is a hilarious ask and I desperately hope your partner sees this.

Anyway uhhhhh generally the normal tips:

Talk a lot, negotiate, learn what you both want, fill in will/want/won't lists or use other negotiation facilitators if it works for you

LEARN ABOUT SAFETY, before doing literally anything. No matter how safe it feels, just... check. Find out, just in case. Something as simple as hair pulling needs to be done right or you risk snapping your partner's neck. Safety always needs to come first, before literally anything else

Start slow, explore, don't put pressure on yourselves for it to go well the first few times (or ever, kink isn't about a perfect scene, it's about exploring and figuring out how to enjoy yourselves). You're learning how your dynamic works and what you both want out of it. Those wants might not be the same, and that's okay! Don't push either of your limits, especially hard limits. Meet in the middle and find things that work for both of you

Learn about different types of pain. Stingy vs thuddy for impact play, what it feels like to hit different parts of the body, pressure point pain, scratching pain, etc. Try everything on yourself first so you know roughly what they'll be feeling. Also never start with the strongest hit or most pain. Work up to it, that way they'll be able to last longer before tapping out

I know I already mentioned communication, but I can't stress it enough. Ask what they like, ask what they want, compare it to what you're willing to do. Work together to assess the risks and how to make it as safe as possible before trying anything

Once again, it bears repeating that you should NOT compromise your own limits or push yourself to do things you're uncomfortable with. Doms and tops can and should have respected limits. Especially because legally you are the one responsible for everything that happens in a scene

Speaking of, definitely look into the legality in your location. Lots of types of kink, painplay included, are illegal in most places. Especially if the bottom gets seriously hurt. Doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, I'd be a hypocrite if I said that. But you should be aware. Risk awareness in kink doesn't just mean the physical consequences, but also the potential emotional and legal ones

Make sure you know how to give first aid and aftercare before doing anything. Keep everything you might possibly need on hand while playing, cause you don't wanna have to leave an injured or dropping sub (or someone in subspace) to grab bandaids or soothing cream or water and snacks

Look at other resources, never trust just one source about kink (including me). It's always better to be over-cautious than under-prepared

Remember that kink is meant to be fun and enjoyable for everyone involved! Have a good time with it, and if you're not then switch things up until you are!

[thatbitcheryextras]

hello. I'm in a very bad situation, and since I don't know what to do, I think it would be better to ask a wiser woman for help. Even though I can't give you anything in return, I'm very sorry...

I'm currently 17, ending school in few months, and I have zero freedom. My mother is controlling to the point that I never got out of the house by myself, and I never had any healthy friendships in my life. I have a twin brother that is extremely attached to me, to the point that I can't have privacy, and he never leaves the house unless he is with me. He is also mentally ill, so I have to take care of him 24/7 to remind him of meds, update my mother on how he is doing and so on. I do this since I was 10 or so. He is very loud and acts in a way that a lot of people make fun of, he does not care at all, but it is not good to me. In school, I'm just know as "the twin" and people only notice my existence when he does something stupid in public, then they talk about me, "the twin", and then they bully me. I'm not seen as a person outside of him. Heck, I don't even know what I would do if I wasn't close to him for 5 minutes. I'm not allowed to have sleepovers, too close friendships, boyfriends (I'm more attracted to women, so even worse), or do anything that affects my family in any shape or form. The huge problem? My mom cares about me, but not really about my situation. When I try to make a convo about how I am bothered to spend my entire life masking to make them happy, always supressing my emotions, she explodes. I swear, they don't want to let go of me, and it hurts... now I have problems in every single are of my life, spec on how I see other people. even though I love them more than anything in the world, and that I would literally die for them, I don't know how to get out of this without hurting them.

What should I do?

hiiii *adds wiser woman to my CV*

You can not get out of it without hurting them. Because it's a dependency cycle and when one variable goes missing the rest have to overstretch to fill in the gaps, and it will hurt them. The good news is, they will adjust. They just might hate you.

You have to decide who takes the pain, you or them. There's no option B I can see. Since you've already tried negotiating & it didn't work, I'm not sure there can be middle ground. Only way out I see is you make a choice, you or them.

The closest you can get to mid ground that i sew is soft adjustment that require harsh boundaries , which will still hurt them emotionally but not physically the way just dumping them would.

Example; I'm leaving for church without my brother today- and leave. Leave him home, then come back after a few hours. It will be hell the first ten times but he will adjust. Or- I'm volunteering at the community center and I'm going alone- and go. Make friends. Bring them over and let mom know she needs to make preparations for next week because you're going on a road trip, then go. He'll, it will raise hell- but once they adjust you'll be okay. It's like, taking your life back in pieces. It will hurt you all but you'll adjust- and you'll all win. They'll realize it can be done without you and you'll have some freedom.

You also need boundaries with your brother. I'm not sure what exactly he's living with but he has to understand actions have consequences- and learn to use your actions to teach him this. Usually absence. You have to be gentle and fair- really gentle and fair- it's not exactly a choice he's making.

On your mom- since you've already tried conversation & it didn't work- you have to take the action way. I'll leave this up to you to figure out since I don't know your dynamic, but if you need more help feel free to dm. We can find a way around.

Heres what's non negotiable-

whatever happens- make your own money and learn to grow it. Save on your allowances and find a job, open a S&P or any other safe low risk investment account and- invest like crazy. Money is freedom. Money is rights. Without none youre a slave.

Learn to stand up for yourself and your brother. Seriously, go feral if you must. Don't ever be content with bullying. Punch someone knock them over chase them with your car explode at them manipulate gaslight girlboss like crazy. You already have a feral brother just ride the wave. If you can't be respected, be feared.

Go to uni far, far, away. Start applying for scholarships, now. This early. Faaar away.

[jenn-the-butterfly]

Azil Art & Shipping Permissions

This is partly for myself but also in the event of actually getting questions about this, I'm making a lil note about what I'm comfortable with being shown regarding my Azil boys specifically. (I can't tell you what to make in private, just know if it's against any of these preferences I can't guarantee I'll like it).

General:

YES you can draw my OCs with you/your OCs! I don't really care as long as you know it won't affect canon.

That includes ship art as well, go nuts, I think it's cute <3

YES you can draw angst, mild gore, horror, etc, though I enjoy thematic and symbolic varieties of these more than "just because"; my only concern is please don't show me gore of my OCs for the sake of being gross or rude

YES you can interpret their sexualities, genders, preferences and backstories however you want since it won't all be revealed at once, just be mindful that I have them already planned out and noted so if your idea doesn't become canon DON'T CRY TO ME ABOUT IT. Just have fun; it's not a big deal. I don't plan to be super specific with their identities because of the drama that usually brings, but I do have footnotes and lists of their preferences for myself.

YES you can draw smut, they're all classified as adults with the adult ability to consent (Harkness Test let's gooooo) but see below for individual canon-complicit preferences.

Don't worry about body types! Chubby and muscular OCs are equally valid to them as thin ones and yes, they can all lift you like princes/princex/princesses X3

Yes, I'm that bitch who let's the OCs have say (based on their personas) on what they're comfortable with:

Jenn:

Please treat her with respect, she's very dear to me. Unwarranted violence, "haha i killed her" and weirdly traumatic behaviors toward Jenn in particular may result in a block. Also, generally don't do that shit.

YES you can draw smut, etc; she far more fond of robots than of humans, especially ones that are taller than her and fall into either "protector" or "mentally stimulating" categories. (Also "assholes", dunno why.)

Don't make her unnecessarily weak or helpless because she's not; she's also not a teenager or young adult by default and not a damsel. If it's for a meme or has some plausible reason though, go for it.

Nova:

Nova is a lot more sensitive to sexual content than the others. He'd rather not know about explicit images of himself with anyone at this time. Same with gore/violence.

Cute, comfy, sweet art is completely welcome!

Tydal:

Ty doesn't care that much as long as his dignity is preserved.

(Do whatever, silly shit happens to him all the time, don't let his grouchy exterior fool you.)

NO ROMANTIC/SEXUAL SHIPPING BETWEEN TYDAL AND NOVA.

They're brothers. Please.

Event:

Absolutely doesn't care about whether the art is gore or smut or anything else as long as it's badass.

His main caveat is "I'm not gay" and doesn't really want to see art of himself with other male-identifying people. Platonic/filial art is fine though, as are masculine/muscular women (he actually loves muscle mommies a lot).

"Kinky shit is great!" He trends dom/top and is very fighty; god help you if you try to make him a sub. Bottom is negotiable (he likes girl-on-top).

Safewords are a must and he'd never violate consent terms.

Echo:

Food is more interesting than smut to him but he doesn't really care as long as it's noted his model doesn't have genitals so "get creative".

Also very big on boundaries and consent so communication is key; if it's happening, it's because it was explicitly asked for and discussed.

Absolutely more likely to commit homicide than anything else.

But! He still loves physical affection, so kissing, snuggling, etc. Also he bites.

NO ROMANTIC/SEXUAL SHIPPING BETWEEN EVENT AND ECHO.

They're brothers, too.

[thebookbin]

I need my fellow white gays to take a step back.

If I see another white American saying they unequivocally support Disney in their lawsuit against Ron DeSantis in Florida, I am going to scream. One of my most favorite authors disappointed me deeply this week by condemning those of us who are not cheering for total Disney dominance here on tumblr.

Just because your whiteness and your Americanness shields you from having to confront that Disney helped the genocide of Uyghurs in Xinjiang as late as 2020 does not mean the just of us can swallow that pill. This was a cold and calculated choice to maintain profits. When Disney was brought before a Human Rights Tribunal and questioned not only why they filmed in Xinjiang but thanked the government profusely (groveling on their knees to keep the CCP happy so they could air Mulan in China's billion dollar market), they responded with "the benefits outweigh the risks." Americans just don't care.

That is only one example out of thousands. If there is something evil going on in the world, Disney has their grubby hands in the pot (including ties to Epstein). Before all of this nonsense they were funding the campaigns of Republicans who signed and backed the "Don't Say Gay" bill.

If you are a Disney Adult, there is no hope for you. You will always choose your expensive mouse-shaped ice cream and minimum wage workers in fancy costumes and your own escapism, over the lives and dignity of others. It disgusts me.

Disney is not taking a moral stand. They are making a business decision.

Disney does not care about you, they do not care about trans kids, they do not care about marriage equality, representation, or your basic human rights. They do not care about creativity, or storytelling, or art. All they care about it money. It's not a moral failing, either. THAT'S WHAT CORPORTATIONS EXIST TO DO. MAKE MONEY. The fact that you are falling for their marketing scheme to take your money only goes to show how effective it is.

I am a lesbian. I am an activist. I care deeply about what is happening right now in this country, most especially to the trans community. We need to be fighting. We need to protect them, and protect each other.

However selling your soul to the devil to do it is the fastest way to get us all to hell.

Did anybody even notice the 2nd biggest bank failure in US history happened over the weekend? And self-described "Diversity Activists" helped it happen.

A note for those of you who won't click the link. The language of inclusion has long been co-opted by the corporate class and everybody's falling for it.

Right now, Disney operates a kingdom inside the US. And no, not the "fun" kind. Reedy Creek Improvement District functions like sovereign state or a tribal nation. They have the ability to tax, their own police force, and have already negotiated carte blanche to build a nuclear reactor any time and for any reason. You need to step back and ask yourself if you are really okay with a multi-billion dollar corporation having that much power.

To make it worse, they want more. The lawsuit they are currently engaged in is about contract rights and it is making conservatives salivate at the mouth.

If Disney wins this lawsuit unchallenged, labor rights in the US will be obliterated.

This is not an exaggeration. I am talking about going back to the days of child labor (which is already happening in Iowa), Disney, or any corporation will be able to sue the government for "interfering their private contracts" EVEN IF those "contracts" violate minimum wage, health and safety standards, or ANY REGULATION local, state or federal government enacts to protect workers.

When I say that you allowing your whiteness to shape your worldview and it will destroy us, this is both an inditement and a call-to-action.

Because I also happen to care deeply about labor rights, I know that a majority of the LGBT community in the US are working class, and over 25% of us live in poverty--

Because I know that we are at much higher risk of losing the source of household income than our straight counterparts--

Because I know that not only did we overwhelmingly had to work during the pandemic, risking our lives to make ends meet, we are more likely to work more hours, get paid less, and have to file for unemployment. Now take into consideration any sort of intersectional identity, including race, disability, or class and the numbers just get worse and worse-- I know that the queer community cannot afford to take these hits.

This is not Labor Rights vs Gay Rights. It is two, powerful malicious entities fighting to maintain power, and all of us are in the firing line. Labor Rights are Gay Rights are Black Rights are Human Rights.

So square up, it's time to fight.

And, remember: selling your soul to the mouse is selling your soul to the devil dressed like a cartoon character. Don't fall for it.

Recommended Watching: (independent media)

Sources: (in order of appearance)

Disney & China: BBC Unrepresented Nations & Peoples Organization Vox News

Disney's Abuses: Investigative Journalist Team: Judd Legum, Tesnim Zekeria, & Rebecca Crosby Investigative Journalist Liz Crokin The Guardian Pink News Movie Web The Corporate Research Project The American Prospect IGN

General Labor: Des Moines Register Investigative Journalist Lee Fang Reedy Creek Improvement District

LGBT Labor: Center for American Progress US Census Report

[annieqattheperipheral]

Long post. It's a heartbreaking read from Rodion's father's pov about his son's life. Truly worth the time if you have the emotional space and energy. I've posted a few links as you may want to share in others' thoughts and feelings after reading.

Original interview (Russian site Google translated to English)

Reposted by a reddit user (excerpts + Leafs mentions)

Linked to on Twitter

Interview excerpts transcript (I've edited for clarity) and a few of the photos:

My main motivation for giving an interview, as a father and a witness to everything that happened to my son, is to thank people from the bottom of my heart. Thank you from our family and from Rodion, although he himself can no longer express it in words.

We thank you for the attention and participation that the hockey community, clubs and organizations, and fans have given us. Thanks to the Toronto Maple Leafs, personally to Brendan Shanahan and Kyle Dubas. For the way they accepted Rodion, empathized and participated in his fate.

I was generally removed from financial and organizational issues: “Ruslan, take care of your son, don't even think about it. We will solve everything." The club was always in touch 24/7. Both the doctors and the team management. Dubas, who made the draft choice, was very fond of Rodion. They corresponded a lot, supported each other both before and during the illness. In recent days, Kyle even wanted to fly to Munich - Rodion left on August 14, and Dubas already had a ticket for the 11th.

I told agent Dan Milstein: “Rodion is in such a state, he can't see anymore, he's heavy. Well, is Kyle coming just to raise his weak hand and shake it? They won't even communicate.”

- “Ruslan, he wants to do it. This is his personal desire."

Dubas wrote and called, but my son could no longer see his messages. I was worried and was eager to go to the airport. The doctors stopped him: “There's no need to fly anywhere anymore...”

Toronto has released 100 medals that will be awarded to the most respected people who have made significant contributions to the history of the club and the NHL. So, Shanahan himself came to Rodion at six in the morning, when it became known that the disease had worsened and he needed to fly home from Toronto, and presented him with this medal - the very first of a hundred. Rodion brought this award to Ufa and was very proud of it.

The agent in Russia, Stanislav Romanov, provided great assistance, solving many everyday issues and refusing to take a commission for the contract when he learned about my son's illness. From business people, he and Dan Milstein transformed into caring and loving fathers.

Separately, about Dan Milstein. I said at the funeral when I gave the speech that Dan is with my family for a reason. For everyone, he is a great agent, a professional. His actions speak louder than words. But he is also a man with a huge heart. When Rodion was fine, Dan did a tremendous job. The draft, the agreement with Toronto, advertising contracts with CSM and Bauer - all these pleasant and useful things, uniforms, budgets...

And when Rodion Amirov ended as a hockey player, we came to know Dan Milstein as a father and friend. I told everyone: “For us, this is not an agent, but a member of our family, a close relative.” He flew to Russia two or three times a month just to visit and support our son and bring some things. All everyday issues and treatment were resolved immediately. No questions like: “Why? For what? How much?”

- What do you need? Please.

All accounts were closed. When Rodion's body left from Germany, and a bunch of organizational matters piled up - how to negotiate with the embassy, how to deliver the body, what to do with hanging documents - Dan said: “Ruslan, you are not touching on this topic . I take everything upon myself."

I can't imagine how long he slept. No matter how you call, he is always in touch. After all, my son was brought from Germany at night, three hours before the funeral. The flight was through Turkey, the plane cost a lot of money. But Dan solved a million questions.

* * *

Moscow clinic in Skolkovo - doctors and all the people who took part in Rodion's treatment. We were there from November to July. I would like to thank all the medical staff - who cared, treated, tried to save the child and did everything in their power. The bills were paid alternately by Salavat Yulaev and Toronto.

People in Ufa helped with warmth no less than the Maple Leafs. It touched the soul when the leadership staff of “Salavat Yulaev” visited their son in full force - it was very important and valuable for us.

General Director of Salavat Yulaev Rinat Bashirov was available day and night - at any time when you needed help. Without their help, it would have been very difficult for us to live these two years.

People on both sides of the ocean took a huge part in the fate of our boy. In such a difficult time there were no borders, no politics. There is just a person. And many good people who united around him, supported him, and showed attention. Humanity, help, mutual assistance and unconditional love for a young boy from Ufa who was in trouble. It's so touching when all the contradictions fade into the background. All that remains is the fate of man.

Ordinary fans sent pies, wrote letters, sent pictures, gifts, met him on the street and said kind words. And in Russia, and in North America, and in Europe, when we were treated in Germany. Children and adults wrote how they prayed for Rodion. Humanity, kindness, love, relationships between people - and no disagreements between countries.

I remember how many guys came to our Moscow clinic with whom my son played in the national team, in the club and in the youth team. I didn't even know many of them. Physical training coach Pavel Markidan was a constant participant in these trips. Rodion was either taken to a restaurant or taken to the river bank. “My brothers,” as my son called his friends.

At such moments, it is important to show concern, care, and unconditional love. It is very valuable when you donate a piece of your time and yourself towards a person who is going through this valley of the shadow of death.

And all the brothers who took Rodion and communicated with him gave him a breath of fresh air. And for a few hours my son became just like everyone else. Healthy, beautiful, strong, joyful. Forgetting about the terrible days he spent in the dark.

* * *

Until the last day I talked with Rodion. We were sitting at the dining table in a Munich hospital.

- Son, I'm wondering... Do the blind dream? You've been blind for eight months now. What do you see?

- Dad, I dream.

- What are they like? Who's there? Me and mom? You've probably already forgotten what we look like.

- Dad, I constantly see ice. And there's a match. I play hockey.

- Listen, Rodion, you had another life besides hockey. Nature, sun, forest, friends. You can and should see something different, right?

- I'm always in the game. I see ice. You know, dad, it's probably because I've been playing hockey since childhood and love it very much. When you have love for something in your heart and you really want it, you see it in your dreams.

I am a grown man, I have seen a lot of things in my life. But I learned many things from my son during these two years. Rodion matured a lot during his illness.

Courage, willpower, patience, perseverance. I don't understand where this came from! I always saw him as a teenager - young, immature, not knowing everything in life.

But I'm a father, I have to put my son on his feet and inspire him by personal example. Our family is a believer, and I must teach my son strong faith, which helps in the most difficult situations.

You know, at the age of 10, Rodion wrote on paper in uneven handwriting what he dreamed of.

“To become the best hockey player in the world and glorify God. Win the Olympic Games, Gagarin Cup, Stanley Cup. Glorify God. Become a good person."

Twice - “glorify God.” And in the end, the most important, most important, valuable thing is “to become a good person.”

How deep... My taught son me simple and important things.

And I think: Lord, my God, what would I do in such a situation?

I probably wouldn't have been able to stand it.

The Bible says that God does not give a person more trials than he can withstand. I don't know how embittered I would be, who I would reproach—the doctors, fate, the Almighty, I would throw stones at the sky, cursing everyone...

But this boy showed an example of perseverance. And he taught me to live.

* * *

In general, I was tough on raising my son. I was principled and did not allow praise, avoiding pompous words. In our family, we believed more in principles such as modesty and hard work.

“Dream. Pray. Work hard” is a motto that Rodion knew from childhood.

I asked him: “Son, what are we doing? How are we living?

- Dream. Pray. Work hard.

When our son was six years old, we sent him to hockey. Somewhere 15 km from Ishimbay there is the city of Salavat. An ice arena was built there, and we came to see it.

The first group of hockey players was just being recruited there, and I asked: “Are you going to train?”

I used to go in for sports myself. And all men want their sons to be strong and strong. Rodion watched hockey and liked it. We agreed with the coach and brought the child straight from kindergarten. And they started studying.

In spirit, his son is a gamer. He didn't like to fight or grapple. I wanted to run with the ball and the stick. He was very interested in hockey.

At first everything was difficult. Another city, we traveled constantly by car, life was on schedule. When we started school, the loads became heavier. Not only hockey appeared, but also chess and checkers, volleyball, basketball, and football. Of course, a couple of times a week. But this is how we worked on game thinking.

He also played tennis and practiced swimming with coaches. Acrobatics, gymnastics, figure skating, trampolines, stretching, work on the musculoskeletal system. The preparation was very powerful; we laid a very good functional foundation for Rodion. This helped a lot when we moved to Ufa at the age of 10, and later, when my son started playing for Salavat Yulaev.

By the time he was 17-18 years old, we continued to work on the base, and it gave results. His hockey career developed rapidly. But in our family one postulate remained unshakable - modesty. I said: “No matter what happens in life, son - and you will definitely succeed, I'm sure of it - you must always remain a worthy person with a big, honest and sincere heart.”

My son's favorite toy was a stuffed albatross that his younger sister gave him. An albatross is a bird flying against the wind.

So his sister said: “Rodion, I wish you to always go against difficulties and be a winner, without giving up.”

Difficulties arose, like all young hockey players. But Rodion always followed our motto.

Dream. Pray. Work hard.

Our family had evening prayer hours. My wife and I opened the Bible, I chose one of the chapters, and read it to the children. We analyzed it, I explained the meaning of the phrases. And then we all prayed, thanking the Lord for the past and tomorrow.

I said: “Son, in order to achieve something, you need to dream about it. You need to visualize your desire. Let this be born in your heart. You must want it and be absolutely sure that it will happen in your life. To do this you need to pray. Everything we have - life itself, breath, our talents and abilities, gifts from birth - is a blessing from God.

Pray about what you want in life. And you definitely need to work.”

We talked a lot about this since childhood. Rodion knew this, and it was always in his heart.

* * *

Everyone understands perfectly well what a brain tumor is. To date, there is not a single case in which a person has been cured of this form of cancer. At least I don't know about it.

But Rodion told me: “Dad, we will still defeat the disease. With God's help, we will do what no one has done before.”

And this faith held him until the last day. Not a word of self-pity. There is no question of what will happen next or how everything will turn out.

There is only one absolute and clear confidence that all this can be overcome, and the disease will end.

...As doctors in Canada and Germany told us, Rodion played with the tumor for six months.

Somewhere closer to the New Year, my son went to a training camp in Novogorsk - preparations were underway for the 2021 World Youth Championships in Edmonton. We talked, and Rodion told me:

- Dad, I can't understand. Something happens to me on the ice.

- What's happened?

- I can't catch myself on the ice. I'm shaking. It happens that I lose the puck out of the blue.

He started having problems with coordination. And I attributed this to the fact that my son began to actively grow. He was of late development, he didn't even have stubble. And I said that this is normal, it happens.

But other symptoms also arose. At the World Championships it was enough for three matches. He pulled out the last game of the group stage against the Swedes with all his strength.

And then... “Dad, no matter what shift I have, I'm very tired.”

Rodion ended the season in this state. And you remember those moments. Either he makes an incomprehensible loss, then he goes to take a penalty, and the puck comes off the hook, or crashes into the goal from scratch. Rodion flies into the frame and sits, not understanding what happened to him.

I didn't recognize my son on the ice. He was always composed, with good coordination and a clear sense of the puck, movement and skating. Everything we've been working on since we were six years old. And suddenly it was gone.

Already before the next season, in one of the test matches, the son was hurt on the side. He just crashed when no one was stopping him, hitting his shoulder and head. Couldn't even dodge the heavy collision.

“Rodion, what's the matter?”

- “Dad, I couldn't pull myself together.”

* * *

The pressure jumped periodically. We did an MRI. But if there is a suspicion of a tumor, a tomography with contrast liquid is needed.

A month after the injury, we had an MRI in Ufa. Some doubts were attributed to the consequences of a concussion. Then my son recovered, played, traveled with the team. But after each shift he said: “I can't, I don't have the strength.”

Closer to November 2021, we flew to Germany. We went to a good professor and did an MRI with contrast. And then he told us for the first time: “Guys, you have a tumor. Moreover, I think you've had it for a long time. Do you agree to a biopsy?"

Rodion did not agree, and I was afraid. Because there were risks. When a robot gets into your head and takes a piece of tissue right from the center of your brain, then anything is possible - a blood vessel bursts, a stroke, and you die on the table. You can make a person deaf, blind, paralyzed. No one gives guarantees, and you need to write papers that you agree to such responsibility.

And the doctor was amazed that in the picture he saw a suspicion of cancer, but did not see a sick person in front of him. After all, Rodion played hockey, his legs and arms worked, and everything was fine with the tests, except for the MRI.

Therefore, the professor did not insist on a biopsy. We decided to take a break for a month and take a look. The doctor said that if it is malignant oncology, then it will definitely give symptoms.

We flew home, the New Year was approaching. And in the last matches Rodion already began to have problems with his vision. He lost the puck and couldn't find his way on the ice. Such moments could no longer be ignored.

We called Germany and arrived in January. We went for a biopsy, and we were diagnosed with a malignant tumor in the fourth stage.

Foreign doctors are simple, they don't hide anything. They sit a person, their parents, in front of them and tell them about their fatal diagnosis.

All this was said in front of my son. And I was amazed: he was absolutely calm.

Rodion, do you understand what the point is?

- Yes, dad, I understand. Don't worry, everything will pass.

Can you imagine?! A person is diagnosed with brain cancer. A diffuse tumor, that is, without borders, is inoperable. That's it, the verdict.

But this guy is sitting in front of me: “Listen, dad, let's go. I need to train."

I couldn't understand - either all hockey players are such ignorant, or this is incredible self-control.

I was shocked. I cried. I cried and cried out to the Lord: “My God, why? What have I done wrong in my life?

I didn't show such emotions in front of Rodion. With his family he was confident and calm. But this guy amazed me from the very days when he learned about the diagnosis.

“Dad, let's quickly do a biopsy,”

“let's quickly finish this topic,”

“let them prescribe treatment, but we have a season and the playoffs are coming soon.”

* * *

When he was undergoing radiation and chemotherapy in Germany, my son persuaded me to talk to Dan. He reached an agreement with Toronto, they immediately paid for the ice arena and gym. Rodion skated three times a week, ran small cross-country races, and worked out in the gym.

At the same time, he received radiation therapy. If anyone knows what it is - when they burn out your brains, and everything melts there, your hair falls out.

But after the most difficult chemotherapy, he took two or three days to recover and began training again. “I have to get ready, get into gear, we have playoffs.”

This was the potential of the body! I was very worried about the treatment. But at the same time he spoke with the professor who was guiding him. He said: “If he has such a desire and thirst for life, and the functionality allows him to do this, then let him study. It is clear that without fanaticism. But there's no need to stop him.”

Well, Rodion had already found an amateur team in Germany and wanted to play in it. I couldn't believe my eyes.

He began to train more actively, even gaining weight. It seemed that he was feeling better. His condition looked good. We have already been treated in Moscow and even held a consultation via video link, where there were German and Canadian doctors. After the meeting, they approved the flight overseas.

We talked a lot about this at the family council: is it worth going to Canada? After all, it's a flight, a foreign country... But in Russia everything is nearby, and you can quickly resolve any issue.

But Rodion lived a dream. He comes up to me: “Dad, I had a dream.”

He is generally so interesting, he constantly had dreams.

“And I dreamed that I was in Toronto.”

- Son, you will be there one day, for sure. Now we'll finish chemo, you'll skate for a season, and then you'll go to the NHL under your contract...

- No, listen. In this dream, I am already sitting in the locker room with Matthews, Tavares, Samsonov... All the guys from the Maple Leafs. I'm wearing a light Russian national team jacket. We just practiced. Now we sit together and talk.

Forgot this topic. A medical consultation was held. And my son makes the decision: “I will fly. I want it, dad. I should be there."

We talked with Dan and the Toronto doctors. During the preseason, the Maple Leafs had the time and opportunity to work with Rodion individually.

In the end, we decided to combine good with good. And so that he could take his mind off things by going to Canada to pursue his dream and work on the ice.

The plan was that Rodion would stay there for two or three months, and fly back closer to the New Year in good physical condition. And if he is allowed, he will play on the team.

* * *

But on the third week of training, after one of the exercises, Rodion says: “Dad, I sprained my leg.”

I encouraged him. Massage therapists started working with my son, but his leg got worse and worse. He couldn't do anything during training; he was terribly tired.

I asked questions over the phone, but Rodion never complained. This was my big mistake as a father. But how do you know that your son is really unwell? Only when he collapses on the ice? After all, he was eager to train all the time! And he hushed up the problems, making them a secret. He worked and was silent, clinging to his dream.

In those days, Toronto decided to watch Rodion on the ice. There was even a thought that he could play in the preseason game versus Ottawa. They wanted to give him this opportunity. At least one or two shifts, as long as he can handle it.

Kyle Dubas and the entire club management arrived. We looked at our son... But I don't see what's there in Canada, I don't know. Well, my leg hurts, I pulled it. But he did not talk about his general condition. And it's not clear what's going on in his head until you do the examination again.

And they did it, they hired the best oncologist professor. There was a huge queue to see this neurosurgeon, but the Maple Leafs management took everything upon themselves. An MRI was performed, and Dan called me via video call the same day. Rodion is sitting, Canadian professors. And they translate to me what the doctors are telling me.

“This is the situation,” they say. - Take your son. There's no way to even treat it anymore. We won't keep him. At such a moment he should be with his family. He has three, maximum six months left. And even if it's six, it will be a miracle. We don't give that much.

...I remember that after those words I just fell. Just yesterday the guy showed hope and was training. He had some pain, but they thought about letting him out for the NHL game. And here it is. I was cut...

Then my son takes the phone: “Dad, don't worry. Don't tell mom yet. Everything will be fine."

And he began to calm me down! His voice didn't even waver from the doctors' words.

“Rodion, how interesting you are. Do you have no fear at all?”

“I just believe that everything will be fine. And I don’t even allow the thought of something tragic and terrible.”

Dan picks him up and brings him to Moscow. He should have received radiation treatment immediately a second time. All the equipment is in Skolkovo, and the staff is great.

When Rodion arrived, he could no longer see well. Cancer cells have gotten very close to the eye center. The optic nerves were affected, and the tumor reached there too. Metastases have descended to the spine. That's why my son's leg almost gave out in Toronto. And when they started doing radiation therapy, after a week his vision completely disappeared. And since the end of November he no longer saw anything - neither day nor night.

At the same time, Rodion, when he more or less came to his feelings, began going to the cinema a couple of times a week. His little sister or boys went to see with him.

- Son, are you going to the cinema again? For what?

- I'll sit and watch. I want to live like a healthy person. And this will definitely happen. Today I go to the cinema and I don't see. But tomorrow I'll go to the cinema and I'll see.

...He lived the dream, as we agreed with him, visualizing reality. He lived like a normal person who wants to be healthy. As long as there is at least the slightest hope.

What is faith? It is the expectation of what is promised and the confidence of the unseen. My son taught me hope, patience and faith with all his life and actions.

Between chemistry courses, Rodion, in a rented Moscow apartment, when he came from the hospital, did certain exercises, did push-ups, squats, pumped up.

He tried to live.

But it was extremely difficult. Every month he got worse. Not only did the man not see at all, his legs and arms began to weaken. But the goodness of God is that with a tumor, when many functions of the body are knocked out, this began to happen to my son only in the last days - before going to the hospital in Munich.

He walked himself, retained absolute diction, clear speech, clarity of thinking. The Lord preserved the ability for him to think, make decisions, realize what is happening, be in touch with us - and not turn into a vegetable.

Yes, the body was weakening, we were already lifting it up and down, rolling it around in a wheelchair. There in Germany it became very bad, and he could no longer turn over in bed, his legs and arms gave out, his condition was extremely serious.

But at the same time, always: “Son, how are you?”

- “Dad, everything is fine.”

We haven't been apart in recent days. Rodion ended up in intensive care. The clinic made an exception, and the doctors allowed my wife and I to stay in the room.

We sat next to each other and didn't leave. We talked with him, although my son could no longer speak and was breathing through an oxygen mask...

* * *

On September 11 in Ufa, before the match with Metallurg, Rodion's jersey with number 27 will be raised.

We were still in Germany when Rinat Bashirov called. He said that “Salavat Yulaev” was establishing a youth pre-season tournament in memory of Amirov, and the sweater would be raised under the arches of the arena.

I have always taught my son modesty. But when I heard it, it alarmed me: “Rinat Rashitovich, maybe these are emotions? We are all united around this grief, and everyone wants to do something. But maybe it's not worth it?"

I was against it. Just imagine - a young guy. Yes, he achieved something for a young person. He was talented and showed promise. And I told him then: “Rodion, your journey is just beginning.” We haven’t even jumped to a cloud yet, let alone a star.”

And now his number will hang among the legends who devoted decades to the Ufa club, went to the World Championships and Olympics, won gold and cups.

Not a single name raises any questions. And then suddenly among them was a young boy. Years will pass, tears will dry, emotions will subside. And someone will say: “Listen, who is Amirov? What did he do for Russian and Bashkir hockey? What is his merit?"

I really didn't want my son to be associated with such a question. Let the good name remain, everything will be on the sly.

But I was told that the captain of Salavat Yulaev, Grigory Panin, came to the club's management and, on behalf of the team, asked that Rodion's number be raised. And the management itself wants this. And this is what ordinary fans want. And for them, my son is not just a young hockey player, but a symbol of people's struggle against a terrible disease, for which no cure has been found.

A lot of people want this. And how can we be against it? We are grateful to everyone. To everyone who wrote letters, worried in their souls and helped our boy.

A very important point that we told the management of Salavat Yulaev: we gave permission to use number 27 if someone on the team wants to play under it. Even if the sweater is raised under the arches of the palace. But we do not call for the number to be taken out of circulation.

...Rodion often said: “By my example, fight for life and confidence, I want to give hope to everyone who is fighting against cancer.”

You can't give up. We must move on with our lives. And be grateful for every day.

The parables say that children are a gift from God. We are grateful to the Lord for these 21 years and for every moment that we lived with our son.

And when Rodion, at the age of 10, wrote on a piece of paper that he wanted to become a good person...

He must have accomplished something if so many people remember him now in their hearts, sharing our pain.

[dailybayonetta]

(Since people are asking you about boycotting the game) IMO I feel like we need more information before we all jump on a massive bandwagon of saying so and so should be cancelled. I get it, it’s the internet, we love jumping to conclusions, but doesn’t anyone wonder why she was only offered 4K? Because to me it immediately screams that for some unknown reason they didn’t want her to take the job. Maybe she’s secretly difficult to work with, maybe she’s the person who microwaves fish at work, we’ll never know. But I think they purposely lowballed her so she wouldn’t accept the job.

And if you take a step outside the Bayonetta community, you’ll see everybody saying how sketchy the situation is with only he-said-she-said comments to back it up, and lots of people saying there must be more to the story. I understand it’s infuriating because voice actors are already underpaid, but I also wish everyone would slow their roll and wait a few days for more information to come out. While the directors’s “defence” is undeniably laughable at this point, I think it would be healthy to wait it out for a bit.

I’m genuinely a fan of the games and even though I had no plan on buying three, seeing the fan’s reaction to instantly shut down the games over a sketchy accusation at best was unsettling.

Here's a thing, even before assuming anything or until the info comes up My opinion, regardless EVEN if she was hard to work with: A) drop her as is it, fire or whatever like corporations and employers do, imo this type of deal where you "negotiate" the price is a scam even if it's just a ploy to fire someone B) do not make up stuff about her "scheldue issues" or whatever they would said anyway, i personally want clear answers and not this fake-ish transparency, but what can you do, corporate-face and stuff C) this whole mess is still part of the BIGGER picture and the issues voice actors and people who do any kind of this job face like you said, at least some sort of attention bringing to the whole situation

And well, you can't help anything because IT IS the internet and IT IS twitter (which is like thrives on this kind of disccusion and only benefits from it, without actually caring about problem) So people of course going to assume or make up their minds before all the truths are going to be revealed or even if they never going to be ever You have right to feel unsettling, but I just don't think this is something new and imo just as you not feeling great about this all, people have right to not feel great about their purchase / spending or deciding not to spend money because of this IMO, I think everybody will forget about this in a month, once they will get their hands on the game fresh and new, just like it happened with all the previous outrages with that kind of stuff (looks at how crunchyroll is still there, despite not paying to their voice actors numerous times) and it's just going to be a sore thumb at best

[calebburgoyne]

The Art Of Frugal Moving In North Sydney - Budget-Friendly Secrets

Moving can be an exciting adventure, but it often comes with a hefty price tag. When you're relocating to North Sydney, known for its stunning harbour views and vibrant lifestyle, you might be worried about the cost of hiring cheap removalists. But fear not! In this blog, we're about to spill the beans on the art of frugal moving in North Sydney and reveal some budget-friendly secrets that will make your move a breeze.

1. Plan Ahead and Declutter

The first step to a cost-effective move is proper planning. Start by taking a good look around your current place and decide what you really need. The more items you can eliminate, the lower your moving costs will be. Hold a garage sale or donate things you no longer use. You'll be amazed at how much lighter your load becomes, both in terms of stuff and expenses.

2. Compare Quotes from Cheap Removalists

Now that you've lighten your load, it's time to find those budget-friendly removalists. The internet is your best friend here. Do a quick search for "cheap removalists North Sydney" and compare quotes from multiple companies. Don't just settle for the first option that pops up; shop around and negotiate to get the best deal. Remember, it's not just about the lowest price but also the quality of service.

3. DIY Packing and Supplies

Packing can be a daunting task, but it's an area where you can save a substantial amount of money. Instead of having professional packers handle it, consider doing it yourself. Gather packing supplies like boxes, tape, and bubble wrap from local stores or even recycle boxes from your local supermarket. Get creative with your packing to make the most of the space.

4. Timing Is Everything

When it comes to moving, timing is crucial. If you can be flexible with your moving date, try to avoid peak seasons and weekends. Moving during weekdays or off-peak times can often save you money as removalists are more likely to have discounts or lower rates. It's all about supply and demand!

5. Ask Friends for Help

Don't underestimate the power of friends and family. Reach out to your circle and see if anyone can lend a hand. Whether it's helping with packing, loading, or unloading, a few extra sets of hands can reduce the time professional removalists need, ultimately cutting your expenses. Plus, moving can be a great bonding experience!

6. Use What You Have

Instead of spending money on packing materials, use what you already own. Wrap fragile items in towels, blankets, and clothing. This not only saves money but also ensures that nothing goes to waste. Plus, you'll need fewer boxes and containers, reducing your overall costs.

7. DIY Disassembly and Reassembly

If you're handy with tools, consider disassembling and reassembling furniture on your own. This can save you money on removalists' labour costs. Just make sure to keep all the screws and small parts organised and labelled to avoid any headaches when it's time to put everything back together.

8. Research Storage Options

In some cases, you might not be able to move all your belongings to your new place at once. Instead of rushing into a decision, research storage options. There are plenty of affordable self-storage facilities in North Sydney where you can store your items until you're ready to move them into your new home.

9. Get Insurance

While it might seem counterintuitive to spend money on insurance, it's a necessary step to protect your belongings during the move. Accidents can happen, and having insurance can give you peace of mind. Shop around for affordable insurance options, and make sure you're covered for any mishaps.

10. Label Everything

To avoid any confusion or mistakes during the move, label your boxes clearly. This will save time and reduce the chances of items getting lost or damaged. Organised packing can streamline the moving process, making it more efficient and cost-effective.

11. Negotiate and Communicate

Don't be afraid to negotiate with your cheap removalists. Discuss your budget and needs openly, and see if they can tailor their services to accommodate you. Good communication can go a long way in getting the best deal and ensuring a smooth move.

In the bustling city of North Sydney, moving doesn't have to break the bank. By following these budget-friendly secrets and hiring cheap removalists, you can enjoy a cost-effective move without compromising on the quality of service. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

the "what are you even talking about, like what do you mean when you say this" overlap imo between people talking about who's Bad At """conflict""" & talking about who's Bad At """"""social skills"""""" like. those supposed Social Skills being about carbonized Rituals that serve to indicate you're not a threat to each other, b/c the only reason to truly deviate from "never behaving in a way someone doesn't expect or feel they immediately understand / sympathize with" is b/c you're using more spontaneous communication to Fight, with an eventual winner/loser, and talking is just a power struggle and/or power play to assert your preestablished higher status, i.e. already being thee A Winner here

like this exhausting dynamic b/w these two bros just like talking about what they got out of [xyz] experience and how perhaps especially when you're supposed to be [the concept of Men] things are elevated re: the proximity to / frequency of fighting each other and always assessing each other's Threat Level, and these two random guys just have this tepid discussion and any time someone goes "and i also alternately/additionally thought/felt [xyz]" the other one does the bizarre like, semi exasperated? "no yeah Of Course" as though like oh we are so on the same page you didn't even have to say that and actually you're kind of an asshole for even starting to say it before i immediately cut in as soon as i realized i could agree at all to tell you to shove off with voicing it, how dare you even theoretically think i don't think exactly what you're thinking now shut up….again: exhausting

like Communication, the more freeform or extensive, is Bad, b/c you're potentially in Conflict, and conflict is fighting & being threats to each other & someone potentially needing to be crushed b/c how else do you resolve a Conflict Fight? versus like, can not the concept of A Conflict be more distilled to something so matter of fact that nobody even needs to Feel any ways about it. like the "theoretical" conflicts that would just be like. something can't happen as something hypothetically intended it to. like a scheduling conflict being, in fact, a conflict, without anyone needing to have been in the wrong for having an appointment on thursday afternoon, and without anyone needing to Concede The Point of scheduling anything on a thursday afternoon b/c they are the one who Lost w/e negotiation about how to work around this. can not "i was operating on one understanding of what's going on for you / what you're trying to do and why, and now what's happening isn't aligning with that idea that i had about how things are" be a conflict that can be resolved by perhaps talking to that person. versus assuming you must be correct b/c you're normal and so something's wrong with them and/or they're messing with you on purpose b/c they're an asshole now, and even if you realize you were wrong about something way down the line you can just be like "well sorreeee how was eye supposed to know [xyz] and i Thought i was being Nice b/c i Thought you were [xyz] so i was in the right and now you're coming after me by being like 'actually by doing that maybe you hurt or even simply inconvenienced me' like so i'm evil now?? could you not have politely let me keep stepping on your toes forever b/c i assumed something was true? and if you did ummm How Could You Be So Bad At Conflict as to know ppl respond [like this] and so instead politely let me keep stepping on your toes?????? i also resent all this"

versus if you see the conflict of "i seem to have misunderstood you / you misunderstand me" as Not Necessarily Threatening then you can comfortably just actually communicate about it. that autistic people who are used to thinking of themselves through the lens of [how others may interpret any/everything about them], having to be more aware of themself as An Other than A Self, won't assume everyone's reading everyone else's mind at all, or even think of that as the ideal approach, and will like, readily give & seek information from others to actually try to be on the same page and have this Constructive experience where you've worked together to navigate your interaction as two different people who would not somehow magically be in alignment, unless you consider the "alignment" to be the power differences that must exist and the priority in Socializing, thus what makes for "good" "social skills," is never threatening them, or god forbid Disrespecting them by Ignoring them: say, how autistic people will have less status/[the social capital] b/c of being autistic, yet the assholes will be Talking (the medium of a fight) and Asking anything of others like participation in an interaction (fighting) and btw by thinking they're Allowed to talk all freestyle rather than in the hollow scripts of "i'm amicable i'm not threatening you. directly. this may be passive aggressive" and by treating me as a mere equal they're trying to drag me down to their level and/or elevate themself to mine, and b/c this is a disruption of the power hierarchy that must exist, we have a problem, and they started it, and they're an asshole

(also: i & many people Do also consciously disrespect & ignore the [socializing = power struggles] concept & its goings on lol. and there's also ofc no real "normal" Universal social style across all cultures and groups and individuals and Misinterpretation ft. bad faith reactions happens on endless fronts. but nt people will pretend there are Rules that everyone has had to be Trained on and if you disobey you'll never deserve to be treated as a person. all "and people only smile when they're happy. unless, did i miss a memo? that frowns means happy now???" etc etc like you see it's all passive aggression or the tools of passive aggressiveness but to "help" someone without threatening them but you Can be pissed if they misunderstand, or at least know you were in the right.)

the way it's Normal(tm) to never actually think of how you don't Know someone else's thoughts/feelings, to never presume they could operate differently and for reasons you can't just accurately infer with a guess re: why You'd do it, to not try to actively undergo a mutually cooperative interaction to better understand each other / be working with the same info, but oh it's autistic people who Are doing all this who never think about how other people are different from their weirdo asses. the "social skills" of assuming wrongly, getting mad at others for supposedly realities you just made up, responding to assuming xyz & being mad about it by punishing/excluding someone & possibly getting others in on it. whilest nd people with their Wrong social existences & approaches are always navigating communicating/socializing as something to do actively & consciously to connect with & understand other people and Don't necessarily think [wow this person doesn't seem to be behaving Amicably towards me?] is a) correct or b) proof they're an enemy to defeat, b/c that's how they're generally treated? the whole time you know communication can fail and you're navigating that w/active effort & constructive intent while people who operate on [if someone does something you don't expect / not according to the script: kill or be killed. or kill just b/c you can & that's the only way you can relate to yourself/others] are like wow what an asshole who i guess doesn't want to get along with anyone so let's see them in hell.

not to mention being shut out from even basics of communication b/c socializing is about respective power levels and you do need Authority to do things like "say whatever" or "have people care about your personal experience at any time" or "say anything at all, actually" like ppl discussing things like "i don't know that i can't Read Cues, vs that i just know they might mean any number of things" vs if someone's not looking at you while you talk it can't be b/c they're actually trying to listen better, it's b/c they're ignoring you / uninterested to pwn you, if they show they relate by saying "hey yeah that's like when i [xyz]" they're one upping to pwn you, if they smile they're happy people only smile when they're happy unless did i miss a memo that frowns means happy??? b/c if someone also makes any expression it Must have been caused by You and they're letting you know as much to pwn you.....or ppl talking about how they can never jump into a conversation b/c they just Can't Get The Timing Right the way other allistic ppl can walk right up and barge in and be absorbed into the convo, or even have a [one on one convo w/ the autistic person] quickly turn into [one on one w/the newcomer, Excluding the autistic person] and other people being like, is it about our "social skills" and "timing" or is about when you' have the authoriti're understood to have the superior social status, you Deserve to do things like cut in on a whim and be listened to, timing does not matter, Not ignoring / forgetting the inferior person does not matter. like, the issue isn't always just "i tried to jump in and it went a bit awkwardly," it can be standing there and talking and being completely ignored w/o much evident conscious effort, or even the least time on some pending [choice to ignore]. you can be hypothetically In the interaction, like, allowed in the group, w/o people noticing when you talk, b/c you don't warrant Listening/Processing, or at least, the least response to indicate that and thus validate that An Exchange is occurring, versus: shut up already b/c shut up always unless someone else wants you to one word answer a question and then possibly misunderstand you w/hostility, but if you Explain anything in unasked (as it always is) depth you're a) out of line, nobody told you to talk more hence the only reason you'd be justified to do so b) defensive, also out of line when you deserve others' judgment, and/or obviously a sign of knowing you're out of line and thus doing too much to avert your just punishment c) providing info b/c you think w/o info i might be Wrong b/c i'm Dumb & Bad. no You. d) all of the above and more

and if, perhaps because trying to talk live & in person means stuff like the above, and other behaviors/mannerisms being judged as weird so let's kill them b/c obv they're killing us by being so weird, and if you're trying to be "normal" that's diminishing your ability to actually communicate or like get through your day and requires hurting yourself for the benefit of others so they don't hurt you more (spoilers. the resonance w/experiences of other instances of "you're responsible for how other ppl, who are superior / have authority, treat you, and have to 'earn' their positive treatment or even neutrality b/c you do not Already inherently deserve it," i.e. interpersonal abuse) and still won't even fully or always work (see prior parenthetical) b/c even if one person pretends things b/w multiple parties can be unilateral, it is not (see: prior)....anyways and If all that means say, someone can communicate a) more effectively and b) with less real pain & depletion via Other Mediums, like emails / otherwise written, non real time correspondance, or god forbid something so Unreasonable as real time / in person that's still not talking, with correct Tone and Inflection and Body Language and Posture and Eye Contact and Handshake and Je Ne Sais Quoi and Cut Of Your Jib and All American Interests And Sensibilities and Etcccc, like what a tyrannical demand that could just never even be considered and i have the Right to eye contact and phone call and etc etc etc (you do not) Stop Hiding (you warrant avoidance if you think no one should be able to avoid you)

and parallel to nd people having the theory of mind and social/communication skills that don't understand all interactions as asserting or vying for power or indicating you're Not threatening someone in the realm of supposed social power, and thus do not operate with that premise, the victim blaming that is "obviously that treatment is bad and i would know it is bad and not tolerate it because it is bad. so people subjected to it have to be worse than me, and deserve it more" where it's also definitely not the fault of the people issuing the treatment, b/c how could they Really know it's bad if the other person is experiencing it without Stopping them, hence telling them It's Okay??? well sorrreeeeee how was i supposed to know that [xyz] was actually hurting you, it's your fault for not blowing up at me, which would've been deemed this uncalled for reaction if you had, and now i'm mad if you're Making me feel Bad b/c that's the discomfort that really matters????? fuck you for telling me, with this kind of response why didn't you tell me?? like, uh oh, same logic at work. and that when other people keep running into the realities that actually their good faith expressing of "actually this hurts me" or more spontaneous reactions to being hurt are just taken as justifications to treat Them as some aggressor / problem creator wronging the other, ofc they aren't likely to simply keep trying that when it's not serving the purpose it "should" or supposedly Would, b/c well if only this person did xyz then nothing bad could ever happen to anyone. and when people ofc Have to become accustomed to [other person or people who can & will treat them badly if they want to, or even just thoughtlessly, b/c they can, & don't choose to do the opposite, b/c even if they're aware they've hurt someone it only matters if they feel justified / they care more about keeping their relative status (it's being autistic, it's [the Authority of Superior Status is coming from inside the house: the concept that husband owns a wife, parents own children; familial abuse])] then it's like wowww they just put up with it, it's their fault then. god forbid that even if they extricate themself from one abusive situation, they're still vulnerable, other ppl take advantage of the vulnerability & they're now in another abusive situation and are used to navigating that indefinitely, vs how someone else might have the preexisting advantage of Not being used to that, not having the experiences to navigate it more indefinitely, finding it more extraordinary & thus having more confidence in their assessment of the situation, and not having the kind of vulnerability in the first place to a) have been in such situations prior b) be stuck in this one now, including perhaps being able to expect that their feelings will matter to others and others will support/help them on that basis, or that their feelings will even be regarded as real/existent. Being Autistic.

(also, yknow, other nd experiences. like adhd classics of "but if you cared / cared to try, you would simply [xyz]" and the like. this is about the crossovers, this is about the "it's the same thing. [who has the restricted autonomy? who has the power at the expense of others' autonomy?] extended universe")

and like the idea that abused people were just Bad at """Conflict.""" and that even if they're extricated from one abusive situation, they might have xyz behaviors / approaches that aren't Normal and that Those make them "worse" at "conflict" too. that nobody "normal" could be lacking in their "normal" approach to interacting with others, neurodivergent people and others who get to be, like, Others(tm) others, definitely don't have [behaviors / experiences related to repeated trauma??] pretty across the board, they're probably just doing more fucking up at being normal which is why they don't get to be considered normal in the first place, ofc. like, what tf is Normal Joe doing to question if they're perhaps not now and have not always been and may not always be the Perfect Interactor. much less to actively try to navigate that, and assume there'll be more to learn b/c there's all these other people who are all different and all always changing. and to perhaps Try to be safe to interact with beyond "well i Mean well" "well a normal person wouldn't regard anything i did as Tryinnng to hurt someone" "well is it my fault i just Assumed you were simply as normal as me? aka the nice thing to do? the thing you should be trying to do?? way to be a weirdo, like having experienced traumatic harm and now that's like, a part of your life and you're not actually Wrong about it or Lied To that that's possible b/c it clearly is and you can't be aware of the precarity re: that happening again b/c welll it's not normal for it to happen surely, i'd Know if it was, you can't recognize your vulnerability, you're kind of an asshole for making that experience anyone else's problem, it's not My fault, keep it to yourself and just get over it asap" like the real problem is if someone might have to so much as consider consciously doing something differently b/c someone else is different than they thought and also nobody's Above considering others and how they're affected by your actions. liiike so long as i didn't mean to, or so long as we don't really care about how they're doing b/c they Are less of a person with a wronger existence that means they bring it upon themself and there's a Narrative about how actually my Superiority is a noble burden that is only trying to punish them towards being as superior as me. and/orrrr i don't even have to think about it & thus have any narrative b/c it's so streamlined / obfuscated as there being any deliberate interference that this is all just Normal, right. people are out of line suggesting [xyz] is ableist or something b/c ughhh it's not about any principle it's about some emotional quota like, okay i've begrudgingly assessed Some things as sympathetic/reasonable to not do, & that's enough, & you can only ask so much of me vs this being a constant often conscious lifelong matter to deal with like it is for people who could be hurt by it?? the contempt is effortless and normal and you have to be trying to be evil & feel evil about it for anything to count. if other people say they're affected a) who cares b) they're probably being too sensitive. another way they're worse. i'm not entitled here c) are they even frowning to prove they're sad? well they're either too sensitive Or they're manipulatively exaggerating / faking it anyways. the convenient fact that nobody can provide external ""proof"" of their thoughts or feelings or intentions, which means i'm always justified if know i think i am, which, let me check, yep: i know i think i do, and it means that i can assume other people are shit inside and hurting them doesn't do anything Real and they deserve it anyways

anyways merely being Normal Mode and Not Thinking You've Been Malicious Or, Sometimes More Importantly, Out Of Line Re: Your Justified Authority is maybe not a basis of successful interactions. what if you try thinking of yourself as [an other, to all others] and not better than other people if you've never much noticed being treated as worse, or at least not as As Worse as Those people or That person, and maybe just b/c You'd only explain something to someone to patronize them b/c nothing should ever not be immediately understood, doesn't mean other people trying to convey their experiences and ideas to you b/c they know you're different people are attacking you as so inferior to you as to be patronized, b/c you're different ppl and they Are better at communicating / socializing when not treating others as inferior or superior Or only equal b/c of being Litchrelly the same person as you, Never even share a thought b/c Of Course i'd immeidately agree with it, how dare you, shut the fuck up

(thinking how people can Parallelly share a space without talking / seemingly interacting more directly than that, as "i am comfortable w/your presence" and/or "we can both use this space as we see fit simultaneously w/little to no need to hash anything out abt it / may rather silently work around what the other is doing" and this may be seen as signaling hostility / contempt / some power play, like also when cats do it b/c they choose to be around you. or just so Weird. you can't even go to a public place Alone, are you kidding? weird And sad)

maybe just saying "don't be afraid to ask questions / for help :)" doesn't make everyone comfortable asking questions / for help, or otherwise able to. maybe not even doing that much & simply thinking your being Normal & correctly Friendly implicitly conveys it to all & makes you approachable is not that guarantee, either. maybe saying "just tell me if anything makes You uncomfortable" doesn't put the responsibility on them for real, just surely takes any blame off you (no?). like sorry do you Want to asap reach a point where you can forever stop being concerned with how what you do may affect others and assume you're perfectly correct abt the needs of everyone you encounter and how your behavior is good enough to one size fits all treat anyone? speaking of being patronizing, and the attitudes behind it. someone who's abused is now Wronger about how to treat them so that they can feel safe. if they want to communicate in ways that seem weird or too distant they're wronging Me, if some misalignment can only be recognized through someone being hurt (as only judged as reasonable / real by the more Normal party) and having to have a conflict as a Fight to determine who the Wrong / Loser party is, what do you mean that's not going to feel safe to everyone. it can't be that a lot of people easily hurt others without having to notice it or Feel wrong about it. dunno how it could be that ppl are like "does being autistic share traits/behaviors associated w/trauma or is it that like everyone is all but guaranteed trauma for being autistic" and if it does well clearly what matters is no normal people feeling bad for thoughtless contemptuous abusive treatment or having to consider operating on different social values/principles towards any & everyone? the autistic people should just become not autistic, i.e. not exist, i.e. also it's their fault how other ppl treat them, whoops it's the same logic behind [anyone abused in any situation / form]

also the idea that like, what, oh someone's Wronged if they didn't feel they had the Chance to Befriend someone or even be Close to them, like, what, is anyone Entitled to even have some trial run at being any given person's friend, or close to them, or w/e other personal access to them? ppl can then cite a noble Concern like oh but if they don't let anyone in they'll be alone, oh but if a child avoids me their shit parent in their room then that can't be good for them, oh but if an autistic person goes unpunished then they'll always be hated & mistreated (as deserved), like, the primarily cited Benevolent Magnanimous reason for the disdain is secondary to [i'm just justifying continuing on exactly as i've been doing, b/c i already can] like yeah oh my god could it be possible that people in shitty positions going through shitty experiences might have complicated reactions to that reality that is different than yours but not Wronger just b/c you think yours is better / more Normal, which means better. and if they ever take on any blame / take on more responsibility in ways that they direct inwards, like that they Continue to be responsible for how others feel about them, what they assume about them, and how they treat them, (which they probably are b/c that's totally for [inferior abnormaller people] like nervous unconfident loser weirdos like them who just Failed to respect Themselves enough to not be abused & continue to be blamed for that, as well as for not being treated w/basic respect as an equal person) well then how heroic to use the idea of their compounding hurt to wash your hands of your own responsibility in any interactions w/them. they have to become as Normal as me first, how unreasonable for someone to recognize that even "normal" interactions involve some people being deemed superior while other people are more scrutinized, punished, and blamed, w/no recourse, even in Casual Friendly exchanges :) so mean to have been too uncomfortable to say they were uncomfortable or have felt too unsafe to say they felt unsafe! *i* was within my rights as [but i'm just so normal and well meaning] and i mean what do they expect, their standards are impossible and unreasonable and unfair b/c it's not i the range of Normal to Haaave to accommodate them (ugh. the Real imposition), and they're just using excuses vs taking Responsibility & enacting Agency anyways, their fault entirely. people are so sensitive these days you can't just have a conversation??? i have no problem w/this logic thanks

anyways it's half past one and i could always go on. normative standpoint "bad conflict skills" [handshake] "bad social skills" like hmm are they really. so heroic to worrying abt if [xyz] is bad for themself but what's good for themself would probably make you think they're even more of an asshole who's wronging you (e.g. someone consciously trying to be "worse" at [preventing the least conflicts via people pleasing], someone consciously trying to be "worse" at [being deemed marginally more socially successful via masking]), are you being wronged or did you presume you're entitled to something / perceive someone else as entitled b/c they weren't acting like you're inherently better than them, which you are, there's not a problem unless power is threatened, which makes it always the totally inferior people's faults, *i* didn't think there was a problem & *i* would've known (backup: well how was *i* supposed to know)....who gets to be superior, who's always in the Process of having to work for deserving basic respect as a person (b/c they keep failing to deserve it ofc), who's more vulnerable and has no recourse even if they don't like it and would be out of line just asking for otherwise / merely implying as much by expressing that they're hurt, who has the power to hurt someone whether through malicious schemes or spontaneous thoughtlessness/ignorance, who has restricted choices re: their autonomy, who gets to choose what happens to other people & the elements of their personhood, their time, energy, body, feelings, effort, etc, & hurt / imperil (require they take on more vulnerability/precarity) them to enforce it....but who cares like just go "i'm so normal that it's relatable" & wash your hands of anything, after all your time as the individual hero out here lol. try being an Other To Others rando as good as anyone else who can handle the idea they're wrong / don't already know how to be perfectly right abt everything / not feeling the least actively malicious or "out of line" isn't the end all be all sole priority. what are we talking about with what "conflict" fundamentally is, or how to approach it, or the same re: being "social"? well only assholes who wanna flex on me by being pedantic would bring it up