#but also im surprised thats not discussed more??? if it really is a thing in the game??? thats wild

[suffarustuffaru]

Have you ever heard of or played an official rezero mobile game called Lost in Memories?The game features a story that is a retelling of the anime and it also divided into 3 chapters: "Main Story"，"Ver. Main Story" and "IF Route". The game features branching paths that lead Subaru to a different outcome of the story，turning into a "What IF" scenario.

But what intrigued me the most was arukoru, a character who looks exactly like suabru, but is much more cold and heartless and supposedly comes from the failed loop  where subaru had tried to defeat Petelgeuse.It's really interesting and refreshing for me to see a different version subaru not from those if routes of canon novel series,and I really like arukoru's characterization and identity, but it's a shame that he's barely mentioned and discussed in either Japanese or Western fanbase.

ANON IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED BC FROM WHAT IVE SEEN OF LOST OF MEMORIES IM QUITE FOND OF IT (though i dont know everything oops T^T) AND ALSO IM QUITE FOND OF ARUKORU/ALCOR. ALMOST NO ONE TALKS ABOUT HIM SO I KIND OF HALF THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO KNEW ABOUT HIM ALJSFLJS

but yes. i sadly have not played lost in memories and i have not watched Every Second of it unfortunately hah but!!! the branching paths it has are very interesting <3 and alcor is definitely very interesting to me, even though i dont know every detail on him. and okay for anyone seeing this and doesnt know who alcor is, you can have a picture of him:

look at him with his thigh highs and galaxy sword fr............. what a guy.....

i think like a year or two ago i actually made like a small drawing redesigning his mask just bc i didnt like it lajsdlfjd. i love the jagged purple "scar" in the mask and the black feathers and the piercing eye but it does not look very visually appealing to me. imo. so i think i redesigned it to be like a skeleton mask of a ground dragon (and yeah one of the eyes had that jagged scar still) to still incorporate the white + feathers? and also bc he seems to be using similar looking skeletons in this photo for reasons i dont know?? is that his power?? but anyway yeah. otherwise i think his design is kind of. a banger? just a bit HAH.

anyway so. yeah like what anon said - alcor's another version of subaru thats turned out this way bc hes from a failed timeline where he tried to fight and defeat petelgeuse and he died like. Way too much. but also alcor is like?? an "illusion" at the same time?? created by this purple haired elf lady?? who was in turn created by this green haired elf lady whos teamed up with subaru to help him recover his memories bc "lost in memories"?? okay if anyone knows the full story behind this please feel free to explain if youd like aljdflsjdf. but i think its interesting seeing - you know, another version of subaru appear in the "main story". like i think alcor is kind of similar to amnesiabaru in this lense - iirc alcor seems to insist that hes the real one, but its kind of. tragic. bc hes kind of not the real one at the same time, if he really is an "illusion"?????? but also he IS another version of subaru, one that grew cold and empty and jaded. hes so Tired, i just kind of. pity him.

i considered using him for a fic once aljdsfljs along with using some other slightly more obscure / underrated versions of subaru (such as aganau subaru yeah) but that fic never got off the ground iirc but yeah. i think hes interesting and definitely another way to explore like. a version of subaru that has a complicated relationship with subaru. like not just HIMSELF, but you know - MAINBARU. its interesting, i think, that hes defensive. that he seems to have this chip in his shoulder. and hes definitely rough at the edges bc his whole design shows that - not just in like an edgelord way bc of all the black and purple lajsdlfj (and even then its a fun contrast to his normal black/white/yellow color scheme) but theres the bandage on his arm, the mask, the name change (alcor), the when he takes off the mask, theres dark circles under his eyes. dude is tired and i think hes distant from himself too bc hes, well. Alcor now - not entirely subaru.

and also yeah he died a shit ton of times to petelgeuse.... poor dude. needless to say i am a big fan of all versions of subaru and his many flavors of Identity Issues.

Live Mindful of Death (死を意識して生きる Shi o ishiki shite ikiru): Live Mindful Of Death is a second Authority which allows Alcor to recreate or force changes in the timeline after his death if it does not end how he wants it to end. He can alter events or prevent possible situations which can completely change the timeline to his liking. This even works on realms where time is non-existent. The change during a reset are strong enough to bring back the world after it's destruction and revive or recover anyone no matter their condition.

Memories: For some unknown reason, anyone who has some intense bond or connection with Alcor will slightly remember past iterations of the timeline before it is reset, similar to Deja Vu. Though knowledge is limited, it can help them predict future events which is extremely useful to any allies of Alcor as they can predict what will happen next, unless the timeline was changed far different from it's previous incarnation. It can also be used in a fight to throw of his opponent by using an attack they didn't predict or fighting in a way he hadn't done before.

Penalties: The butterfly effect of Alcor's reset is completely out of his control. This means that any changes Alcor's Authority produces can be manipulated, what happens beyond said time is completely unknown. Future events could happen entirely differently after he changes the timeline and nothing like his prediction. He would have to use the ability again if he wished to change the timeline to his preference.

^^^ ALSO REZERO WIKI SAID THAT ALCOR HAS THIS ABILITY??? IS THIS REAL??? THATS KIND OF. TERRIFYINGLY INTERESTING?? LIKE THIS KIND OF POWER IS INSANE GODDAMN.... CAN YOU IMAGINE THE BUTTERFLY EFFECTS THIS WOULD HAVE....?????

[lottalove01]

rant <3

[drchucktingle]

favorite author i have never read

hey there buckaroos thank you for all the DEEP DISCUSSIONS we are having a great time here on tumblr. thought today i could make a post that is slightly more difficult its not all sunshine days ahead and requires a little introspection. LOOK AT US we have all arrived here together through trust and love and i think we can keep this going. chuck made this post on other platforms years ago and i think it was said very well then and led to some good discussion, so i am going to repost here. okay lets go deep bud here we go:

i would like to spend moment today talking about common joke i hear online (and even too my face at conventions). this is jokerman way i hear ALL the dang time: 'chuck tingle is my favorite author i have never read' or less jokerman way but of ‘i have never read his books but i love chuck tingle'.

first of all, THANK YOU buds. this is not way of call out post to make you feel bad, i appreciate your way and understand you are trying to support. this is not attack on your message and from bottom of chucks heart THANK YOU.

BUT i have to say something about this. please consider what you are saying when you post this. would you send this as message to STEPHEN KING or NEIL GAIMAN or NK JEMISIN? i doubt this. it would seem VERY RUDE to message other authors. just imagine trotting up to a writer and saying ‘i would NEVER read your books haha’ but it is sent to chuck all the dang time.

obvious reason buds say it to chuck is that i am queer author with a unique way. yes i write in realm of wild fantasy and erotic pairings, but by saying ‘i have never read chuck BUT' you are really saying 'i am posting my support of this but PLEASE DONT THINK I AM REALLY INTERESTED IN THIS PERSONALLY.' there are similar distasteful jokes that i will not repeat involving saying 'no bud on bud pounds' after a sentence that works in similar way.

is sexual art really that bad? is queer art really that embarrassing? is unusual outsider art really that funny?

it is one thing if your preferred pound is not one of chucks tinglers, that is TOTALLY FINE BUD, but if you are an adult i would say 'is it REALLY that scary to read a book about a way of sex that is not yours? is it that difficult to think that something that seems silly to you could actually MOVE YOU in an important way? do you HAVE to disconnect yourself from lgtbqia art with a 'but i don't read this myself?'

keep in mind, there are gay tinglers, there are asexual tinglers, there are trans tinglers, there are select your own timeline tinglers, there are horror tinglers. TINGLERS FOR EVERY TASTE. the thing that buds are often REALLY saying with ‘favorite author i have never read’ is ‘this is WEIRD and dont be confused because im NOT WEIRD IM COOL DONT THINK I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS’. funny enough even the proudly fun and wild and unique buckaroos will STILL say this line, maybe without taking time to think of what it means or how rude it is?

WHY would you never read a chuck book? because my way is queer? because it is neurodivergent? even if that is not there reason or even if YOUR ARE ALSO PERSONALLY QUEER AND NEURODIVERGENT TOO, think about what the joke is IMPLYING.

is sincerely enjoying something thats kind of unusual that difficult? do we really have to slather it in irony and ‘so bad its good?’ before reposting?

in closing as man name of chuck i will say you can still make this joke if you want buckaroos i know you are just having a good time proving love in your own way. i am not upset with you bud and i appreciate your support in any way you give it. there are some buckaroos who just CANT AFFORD tinglers and that is an important way i understand as well. obviously this conversation does not apply to those buds. but for the rest of us trotting along, MAYBE think about what you are really saying with this jokerman way first, and MAYBE try cracking open a tingler because you might be surprised. its not that scary bud. thank you for listening

being sincere is VERY COOL and VERY PUNK ROCK. i encourage all buckaroos out there to give it a try.

LOVE IS REAL

[gwaaaaar]

breaking my silence...

whoever told me the second half of death note was trash... YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONGGGGGG 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 MELLO AND NEAR ARE WORTHY SUCCESSORS TO L YOURE JUST A STAN!!!!

near... sweet jesus baby they didnt deserve you !!! I was so pleasantly surprised to see how distinct he was despite people calling him "white haired L". LIKE hes a lot more cautious than L but isn't above being a sarcastic little shit and actively causing problems... i read a fan translation and he uses a lot of cuss words to refer to certain people he dislikes. I dont know if thats in the official translation as well but i do like the visual of this 7 yo saying "asshole" and "dickhead". I know hes 17-18 and this is average teenage behavior but gah hes so cute and moe and make little "vrooooom" noises when playing with his toys... 🥺 cant help but stan. Hes in his zone unbothered...

AND THE FACT HE CHALLENGES LIGHT IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE SO BLATANTLY... no mind games no time for light to make his next move just fuck it we ball. Also very fond of the scene where he drops hundred dollar bills off the SPK building. He's unpredictable just like Mello is but in a different way and its fascinating i love this guy. Also enjoy the fact that his flavor of justice is that he doesnt really have one hes just doing his job. The verbal beatdown he does at the end about how lights just a crazy serial killer... GET HIS ASS NEAR !!! Hes not pretentious and its just... its just good you know? L wasn't very pretentious but he does call himself justice sometimes and stuff along the like(?) Near drops all pretense... cant help but stan

Also really fond that he actually likes mello its just mello doesnt like him... I know canon never explicitly states their relationship with each other, like if its a brotherly relationship or not (altho isnt there some cain and abel parallels??? Not sure). But i really do see a siblinglike relationship between the two. Canon doesnt really put any angst on their relationship bc near doesnt care lolol, but the two do remind me of certain siblings that have a strained relationship because of the pressure put on one of them (or on both. Again fuck wammys house all my homies hate wammys AND WATARI!!! ME WHEN I GET YOU!!!) I really would love to see the two interact... and maybe just be happy by each other/pl. Because god it really terrible to see how much mello hates near and its not even nears fault :,). AND FUCK THE CHOCOLATE BAR HE EATS AT THE END TO HONOR MELLO???? STOPPPP IM GONNA CRY... near the man that you are... they dont deserve you baby...

And smello... mello mello mello... I've heard more positive things about him compared to near bc hes more "interesting" and i can see why people take that angle BUT. God they still undersell him so much??? I feel like hes one of the few characters to have a goal besides catching Kira (or not getting caught) because of his inferiority complex. I do not mean to undersell any of the other characters when i say this because theyre all very complex! They all have their driving goals and the like. Its just that i argue that Mello's is more persistent and that it is not centered around the conflict but rather himself. Even if he caught Kira perhaps he would still never be happy with himself because Near is always "going to be better" because of the shit he went through in wammys. Theres a whole discussion to be had abt the ethics of wammys house... but ill save that for another post wwww.

Mello is also someone that isnt pretentious about his idea of justice bc hes a fucking criminal. (BTW i love the two opposing sides of the successors... one that tries falling within the law but still doesnt give a shit and the other that doesnt give any shits at all and eventually helps the law.) And its so... I LOVE YOU RUTHLESS CHARACTERS I LOVE YOU CHARACTERS THAT STOP AT NOTHING TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

And the thing is ... Mello does have his own sense of justice because its not as if he sacrifices innocent bystanders to get what he wants he just does what is necessary. LIKE ofc its fucked up that he kidnapped sayu (and traumatized her...), takada (and the stripping... but at least she got a blanket:,) honestly tho id blame that on the misogyny of the authors) and the director of the police im not about to be a mello apologist (yes i am/j). But a. He probably knew no one was going to get hurt in the first place because hes just that damn confident. b. His remorse for matt and soichiros deaths show that he doesnt intend on sacrificing anyone and when things go astray it saddens him a little. And c. THE FACT HE PROBABLY KNEW HE WAS GONNA DIE AND STILL SACRIFICED HIMSELF TO HELP NEAR... near would "win" but mello prioritized putting kira behind bars and while i cant guess his motive, from my end it does seem like in extension he prioritized doing the right thing, which would be to sacrifice his life and pride to help near get the final piece to catch mikami... wow what a man im so deathly ill

After typing all this, i must say... is L really as complex as years of DN fans have said?? I think im about to get crucified for this opinion, but legitimately is he??? I think he is complex most certainly just... maybe not as much as others have said... i might just be missing details about his past + lore from external media so maybe thats why i have this opinion. But i feel like the successors *are* toe to toe with him despite their split screen time... idk tho :3 this is just my thoughts meow

[molluskmirage]

id like to discuss Badboyhalo and language learning on the qsmp for a moment. A lot of both creators and audience members are always so surprised when Bad says he’s learning then asks him to speak. They can also compare a lot that he’s not trying as hard as Foolish.

I feel language learning is never given the respect at how long it takes to learn. How I began learning was when I realized I had already learned a language once and to compare it to that. Bad is only a few months old in learning spanish. The first year of language learning is being able to make sense of when words and sentences end, your lucky to get a few words in and thats it. Foolish is a year old so he’s recognizing those patterns and is now starting to put words together but of course its through fumbling and a lot of effort, and its nothing to compare to someone who has been learning 5 years or greater. They are both babies. But they are both learning and trying.

there is alot of understandable animosity surrounding why English is the largest second language. An important note surrounding culture (separated from the charged negative) whatever is ‘popular’/forced/expected of you in a culture will be easier to achieve then going against that culture. Having to go outside your culture to learn another can alienate you from your own so most dont, and thats not that they dont care or wont come to care but for anyone across the globe reason is the motivation for learning. Friendship with Quackity motivated Foolish and Bad to learn. Them not knowing prior is a culture thing (again not talking about how its unfortunate on how it is just what is). Both are very happy to learn but again its not something you just say ‘Im gonna learn’ and then know instantly it takes way more time then is given. Foolish and Bad are babes in language learning, Foolish is just learning how to walk and Bad is rolling trying to learn to crawl. And thats perfect!

I can understand the hurt from other speaking cultures as their lack of knowledge comes as a reminder of some awful history, which can be difficult to separate but they are individuals, lovely individuals who are trying to learn beyond the culture they are a part of but it doesn’t happen fast the effort however is the same, they are trying happily.

every single bilingual and trilingual and more on the server is absolutely incredible and to be celebrated! Thats years and years of learning that Im always wowed by and is deserving of more praise then I feel is given. By celebrating those ahead in language learning we can also inadvertently recognize how difficult it is as an achievement and not put such unachievable expectations on those starting their journey. I imagine a lot of folks are starting their language journey because of the qsmp and Id like them not to be discouraged by where they’re at because it does take time but it is possible so long as they stay at it.

so yeah Bad can only say hola, ci, como estas, bein, no manches. And he wont be able to say much more until maybe 6 months more in the future by which point he’ll probably be able to say a handful of words and 2 years from now he’ll be putting together a few sentences. Bad wont be conversational until 4 years more (so long as he keeps at it) but if he does? Thats when all that effort really comes to fruition and is so exciting and you still feel like a dork because you cant talk philosophy or business but you can put together basic conversation and wow looking back to when you began its incredible, and learning accelerates so much faster beyond year 5 thats when its really exciting!

language learning is no small feat. keep at it and celebrate where you’re at because so long as you keep trying you will get there it just takes time :)

[nanistar]

may i ask why you hate mapleshade? like is it more of a fandom thing/author thing or do you just not like her character? sorry if thats a weird question lol

i think the idea behind her character is cool but the erins are the erins and they fucked it up imo. also the way the fandom treats any discussion about her and other characters in her book is so annoying i cannot stand going into the mapleshade tag on tumblr

which is a shame cause like i said, i really like the concept of her character and i feel like it had alot of potentional

not a weird question, i get it. i gotta start by saying i have no ill will against people who like mapleshade or even like the points i'm about to say. btw! sorry this is long i got really into it

starting chronologically (according to canon, not publication)(publication order is: all ivypool darkforest books (2011 and prev) crookeds promise (2011), great battle (last hope 2012, she permadies here) and maples vengeance (2015)

i actually really liked mapleshade's vengeance, all things considered. it comes last in the mapleshade storyline according to publication date, and up until then we really didn't know much about her, and i believe this is where she gets a personality other than "random DF lady" and "rude ghost villain". the erins are not good writers by any means, but i felt that mapleshade's internal monologue and the way she saw the world was genuinely pretty decent. they portrayed her as obsessive and manipulative and as an unreliable narrator. it was one of the first books i read upon returning to the fandom in 2018 and it was a thrill to read, because i hadn't been spoiled on it.

the erins have a habit of writing surprise/accidental pregnancies as plot points, which has the implication of like… flings/one night stands. it's best not to think about it. it's pretty obvious upfront that appledusk is not as in to her as she is in to him, but she doesn't see it. she talks about him in her narrations as a sweet and loving man and talks about their family and future together, but when we the readers finally see him, he's calloused and doesn't really care about her. i think she even sees him with reedshine at a gathering and gets mad before she thinks "oh he's just doing that so no one gets suspicious" (not quoting or anything, i havent read the novel since 2018) girl. their relationship was obviously just a fling to him, but to her they were in love. i liked the way this was written as opposed to all the other times in warriors weve seen a man have a hissy fit because a girl rejected him. (ashfur is the glaring example but also crowfeather, brambleclaw) her denial and refusal to accept what she was seeing (that she was the side piece) was the interesting part.

she has her children and then ravenwing spills the beans. why on earth would he do that? why would it benefit the clan or anyone? from a logistical standpoint, thunderclan lost 3 potential new warriors and mapleshade never implied she was going to riverclan. anyway, he didn't even have proof. he just assumed. i think he rightfully got what was coming for him, since if he would have kept his mouth shut, 7 cats including himself wouldn't have died. sorry mini rant i don't like him. anyway we know the rest of the story. kits die, maple kills ravenwing for telling her secret, she kills frecklewish for not helping (no, she couldn't have jumped in to save the kits without probably dying herself but she COULD have stood up for maple in thunderclan, and she was upstream so she could have yelled out and warned maple of the flood but im NOT getting into that and i dont care) and then she goes to kill reedshine but kills appledusk instead. did he deserve it? he was kinda a dick but mapleshade was like stalker-obsessed with him (i think she uses the phrase "my appledusk" in her narration but i might be wrong) after what was ostensibly a one night stand. perchpaw wounds mapleshade to the point where once she flees the scene, she dies of blood loss. cool

the story of a mothers love (and a mother's loss) is an age-old tale. in a franchise where all female characters are doomed to become boring cookie-cutter mothers, this loss and violent rage was awesome.

everyone told me to read crookedstar's promise, because it was the best super edition. i.. do not agree with that. tbh i thought it was long and boring and went nowhere. crookedstar suffered many tragedies in his life, and he lost everyone he loved, and then the book suddenly ends with him going "im ok (:" and dying. (i was reading a pdf and not a physical copy so it was VERY abrupt for me. i legit sat there like.. so that's it? i read 500+ pages for that?) i can't really blame mapleshade for this (since shes not real) but it does factor in. her idea of revenge against appledusk was to torture an injured baby? who then grew up and had no idea who the fuck appledusk was? why not raise him and give him the love he craved so that when the time came, he would be more likely to do her bidding?? her motives here make no sense. not super important. anyway.

and then she's seen occasionally in the dark forest and she tries to drown ivypaw for no reason once. idk she was obviously just a background character in these scenes (since they came first) but the fans saw a female in the dark forest and were like. thank god a woman. can you blame them. then the erins built her up from that.

anyway mapleshade has this generations long story of manipulating younger cats, and a POV book where she's obviously obsessive, controlling, stalkerish and chooses brutally uncommon violence as a way to get back at those who wrong her. (she unburies ravenwing's body so crows can eat it, and she uses adders to kill frecklewish, despite the fact the snakes could easily go for her.) she puts HERSELF in danger to do these things because she's impulsive, she justifies all her actions to herself by saying its revenge for her children and in the end, she pushes the last remnants of the kittens she thinks she's fighting for away. this is a cool story about a woman who's pushed to the edge and takes everyone down with her. for ONCE its not a man with deadwifepain.

and what does the fandom do

they girlbossify her. they fight over if she's in the wrong or not (she is. she killed people.) they take everything about her that made her compelling and turn her into "grr my husband cheated on me and me kids are dead. sad." she gets turned into the most basic, boring, cookie cutter "evil" lady. she kills people for fun and not because she had a reason to or a goal (in her mind). she suffers the most tragic kind of loss that there is and gets no time to grieve before she is run out of her home, and her reaction to this is pure RAGE, and the fandom turns her into this boring, slay QUEEN!!! (not the pregnant cat kind), always been evil, always been hardcore, ~So CrAzY~, "my eyeliner is sharp to stab men" girlboss. where's the nuance. where's the passion!!? she's a miserable, impulsive, manipulating failure. she blames others for her mistakes and bad judgment and punishes others for her shortfallings. she can't be vulnerable and broken, she can only cry because dead kids and then kill evil husband and evil husbands wife. she's even sometimes portrayed as like "boss" of the dark forest, wrangling all the men. barf.

so to answer your question, it's the general fandom* portrayal that i hate, but i honestly wouldn't trust the erins with her at this point. (the erins are influenced by their fans, for example (old person voice) back in my day, firestar and scourge being brothers was just a fan theory.) i'm glad they permakilled her in the great battle so they cant bring her back to ruin anything. actually thinking about her to write this out and reflect on why i don't like her made me sympathize for her. i like text mapleshade with a little bit of fanon sprinkled in for flavor.

and hey. usually when the fandom adopts a character, they're right. the fandom likes to get really in to random bg/side characters and give them lives they would never have in canon. but sadly (or not, depending on your opinion), when those get popular and breach containment, they spread everywhere and suddenly people think this IS canon. look at how many of us thought that brambleclaw killed hawkfrost directly after he killed hollyleaf, because that was the easy way to portray the great battle in MAPs, only to have someone point out, years after this has become the common sequence of events, that brambleclaw actually hunts him down, brings him back to camp, and then murders him POW style!!!

*btw. im in no way saying that all mapleshade-based projects or aus or whatever are bad, even if she is sexy girlboss in them. some of my favorite maps portray her like that.

anyway. TLDR:

everyone say "i'm sorry mapleshade"

[5am-mist]

oh my beautiful favorite bella writer, I have come back for more tee hee. would you possibly be open to write something were reader is an interviewer who is interviewing bella, flirting ensues >:33 (also take ur time bby ur work is the best <33)

Interviews

°pairing°> bella ramsey x reader

°summary°> you finally get the chance to interview the bella ramsey (who you may or may not have a huge crush on) but when they start flirting with you, you can't help but flirt back

°requested?°> yuppp!

°cw°> some small use of y/n just thought i would mention that!

~°A/N°~

OMG IM LITERALLY GIGGLING, BLUSHING AND KICKING MY FEET RN YOU'RE TOO GOOD TO ME <33 Thank you for the request and for being so patient with me i really hope this turned out how you wanted also i used she/her pronouns for bella hope thats ok! And im also just gonna apologize cause i know absolutely nothing about flirting and sorry if this isn't that good i haven't been feeling well at all lmaoo. i also made up a network you interview under so i hope thats ok! love youu <33

You were quite a well known interviewer and had developed quite the following. You'd interviewed countless celebrities at this point in your career, some more famous than others (not that it mattered to you all that much) but most of them very sweet.

The interview game was quite competitive or atleast more competitive than most would think. It was always a race to interview the most relevant celebrities. You had never been all that phased though, you enjoyed your job and yes as much as it was important for you to stay relevant you found that it was just as important that you interviewed celebrities you liked.

So that's what you did, but there was one celebrty on your mental list that you haven't interviewed. Bella Ramsey. Bella was with no doubt the celebrty you wanted to interview most, it wasn't that she didn't want to do the interview or that she was to busy no you just hadn't actually reached out to her manager yet.

You thought it was silly honestly. This was something you had wanted to do for ages but everytime you began typing the email you'd overthink and immediately stop yourself all because of the stupid crush you had on Bella.

It wasn't that stupid of a crush, it was totally justified in your mind because i mean who didn't have a crush on her? It made you so fustrated, you wanted to interview her more than anything in the world, why couldn't you just do it?

Here you were sitting infront of your laptop staring at the email you drafted to send to Bella's manager. You must've read it 1000 times, you checked every word for spelling mistakes and made sure your sentances were structured proffenssionly but it still didn't seem right. You were arguing with yourself, half of you saying this was perfect the other saying that it felt like a stranger wrote it.

You ended up scrapping it but this time you were going to do it properly. It was short and sweet and you made sure that it actually sounded like it came from you, even though you weren't 100% happy with it, you decided to send it.

The next morning when you woke up the first thing you did was check your emails and to your surprise, you already recieved a response. Bella wanted to do the interview with you!From there you and her manager discussed the time and date and you also gave her the studios address.

...

The day had finally arrived and you were ecstatic. You were going to finally get to interview the Bella Ramsey. It truly was a dream come true. The morning dragged on far longer than you'd liked but eventually the time came for you to head to the studio.

You were talking with the camera man making sure all was set and ready to go when Bella and her manager walked in. You stood there for far to long trying process that it was actually happening before snapping back to reality and going over to greet them.

Bella was nicer then you could have ever imagined. She was kind and gentle but most importantly she seemed just as happy to be here as you which gave you a sense of comfort. After telling Bella's manager that she could sit just off camera, you two decided to get started.

You waited for the camera man's signal and then began. "Hello welcome back to Zee Network I'm y/n and today im here with Bella Ramsey." you said with a smile on your face. "Hello!" they gave a quick wave and smile to the camera.

"Thank you for joing us today Bella, may i ask what has your experience been with the media lately? With release of the last of us series, you have gotten alot more recognition what is that like?" you were fiddling with the mic in your hands, another thing that you were known for was not reading from a script which normally was fine but today it really wasn't any help.

"I would say I've had a bit of a mixed experience lately. I have received many new fans and loads of support but i have also recieved a significant amount of hate. I try not to let it affect me but every now and again i will read a comment that really cuts deep. I appreciate the recognition i have gained and sometimes we just have to take the good with the bad." she told you, she seemed torn between loooking at the camera or at you but ended up deciding to look at you.

The interview continued on for a few minutes before Bella finally spoke up, "Do i make you nervous?," she had very clearly seen you fidgeting with the mic, you looked at her extremely confused what to say next. Was Bella Ramsey flirting with you? No, you were sure that you were just jumping to crazy conclusions.

"A little bit, I've wanted to do this interview for a while i guess im just a bit nervous to mess things up," you tried laughing it off. "I've also wanted to do this interview for a while, I've seen your work and you seemed like such a cool person now i know i was right,"

She absolutely was flirting with you. Now the way you saw it was you cluld continue the interview like normal and stay 100% professional or you could flirt back. You chose the latter.

You tried to do be smooth about it (trying to avoid the camera man noticing so that you wouldn't get yelled at) but still obvious enough for Bella to notice.

When the interview was over you walked over to the concessions table to grab some water but were called over by the camera man. He scolded you lightly for your behavior this interview but said he'd let it slide one time.

After being scolded by her manager Bella made her way over to you, she said she wanted to apologize but you told her it really wasn't a big deal.

"I meant what i said though, you seem cool and i'd really like to hang out sometime," now it was her turn to be nervous. "like a date?" it was an incredibly bold move but you were willing to take your chances. " yea, like a date." she flashed you a hopeful smile and of course you said yes.

Bella then handed you a small white paper with their number and a small 'can't wait to talk to you' scribbled on with black ink before scurrying off with her manager to the car that was currently waiting for them.

[homochadensistm]

hi, it seems like i’m late to the discussion so feel free to bury this ask if you’ve moved on. i just really want to share my 2 cents about this topic, because it has been weighing on me lately.

so my gf (lesbian) belongs to a poetry club. i won’t bore you with the details but everyone in the club is a young adult, and it’s not uncommon for the club members to write cringy poems about vulgar shit to be funny. well a couple weeks ago, the weekly topic was odes & tributes, and my gf wrote an Ode to Pussy.

she said everyone liked it, except 2 people who said it was “gross” and exclusionary, because not all women have vaginas. her poem was apparently alienating to trans women, and contributed to the systemic otherization of trans women and transfemmes. when they said that, other people in the club started agreeing with them. the consensus was that it’s OK to have a preference for vaginas, but that anyone who does should keep that to themselves.

my gf apologized, but now she wishes she hadn’t. as for me, i’m really mad about it. it makes me think of straight people who “accept” gay people, but get mad when gay people hold hands, or kiss in public like straight couples do.

not to mention, the whole “genital preference” thing feels like when straight people call homosexuality a Lifestyle. i hate that. it’s not a preference or a lifestyle!! it is a sexual orientation!! we are born this way!!

my gf was literally just writing about her OWN experiences, and what SHE likes. if someone talking about her own experiences bothers you, then that’s a shame, but it’s your responsibility to cope with that. asking gay people to censor themselves when talking about their own experiences, because someone might be emotionally hurt by it, is extremely entitled.

sorry for the wall of text. i ended up ranting haha. anyway, thanks, i needed to get this off my chest.

Yeah dude thats exactly what Im talking about when I say that ppl no longer view others as human beings but rather as Things that can be Reshaped to be more AcceptableTM (just like str8 ppl censoring gays in the early 2000s). It really irks me and what ur gf experienced is something a lot of my friends also experienced, though not in a poetry club but in local lgbt activity groups. It really is fucking insane and Im not surprised at all by the wave of weird radfems who obsess over pussy that we can see in the last uuuh 5yrs or so. Its crazy to think what a minority of insecure narcissists can do to an entire movement lmao

I recommend writing more funny vaj poems btw troll them to hell and back queen

[stormblessed95]

Addressing Everything

So by now, most of you have probably seen all the drama that is occurring for the past week. I've been aware of it since it started. I haven't said anything as I was hoping it would die down on its own, but that's clearly not happening.

Mrs-monaghan, along with a few others do not like me. She thinks I'm toxic, a bully, forcing people to agree with me or get blocked, etc. I don't regret my choice to block people when I block them, and I will continue to utilize the block button whenever I feel the need to. I will say that I am not blocking anyone for a difference of opinion. I'm blocking someone when I feel the need to remove their posts or comments from the content I consume on this site, my content is part of that consumption and interaction i have on here. I am a believer in curating your timeline to best fit you. That is what I'm using the block button for. I don't want to see hateful posts, I don't need people in my comments calling me names either for my opinion. I've always been willing to agree to disagree and a lot of the times, the comment section in my posts over more "controversial" topics shows that.

Alot has been claimed about me being different in DMs than I am on the timeline. I don't think that's true. I'm usually more willing to discuss things more in depth and have a more lengthy back and forth discussion over a topic in DMs than I am in an anon ask. But that is something I've also made clear in many of my posts. I also do generally curse more in my language as its vernacular that i use a lot in my daily life and ill have more typos/be less polished. Which I think is fair during a less formal conversation. I am also more than willing to post Screenshots of my DM history with Mrs-monaghan if anyone feels the need to see them since that has been a sticking point for her. I don't mind. I dont want to, but not because im worried about it, but because i didnt/dont feel the need to continually fan the flames of all of this or fight with her about it. She is entitled to not like me and i dont need to try to convince anyone otherwise.

I don't think anyone should be name calling when addressing another blogger and if the name wasn't intended to be derogatory, then it could be changed when making future comments about them, now that other people have gotten involved. I do think that should be said. Call me what you want, but if a mean idc about you nickname is derogatory in nature and it's not intended to be, maybe come up with something else. But honestly, none of this is really the point of my post here right now.

I've seen all the mean posts being made and sent in about me after I said I would start blocking people for shady posts against Tae (shady, not critical or questioning, but posts that were rude and mean in nature.) And honestly, that's fine. I cannot control what other people think or how they feel about me. They are all entitled to those opinions and feelings. I wont lie that i was a little surprised at some of the people who participated in these posts and signed off on them. But thats okay.

I did not and still do not want people going to her blog or any of the others who have said things to defend me or shame anyone in anyway. Losing followers if people believe their posts is okay. I've never been here for the numbers. I can't control what people do or say about me and I don't want to. If people end up not liking me because of that, that's honestly okay. I don't need people Bullying (in anyway you want to consider the word) anyone in defense of me. I don't appreciate that. If i get an ask and I answer it with my opinion and it disagrees with other peoples, that's where I want that to end. I don't need anyone telling other bloggers I'm right and they are wrong. It's all just opinions in the end. I've never wanted anyone to use my posts as a way to argue with other people. Everyone can choose to engage and interact with the content on here that they choose and how they choose to do so.

I do just want anyone else here to know that if I have offended or upset anyone on here, I am always willing to talk about it. My DMs have been open for that reason. I am willing to agree to disagree if that energy is also returned. I'm willing to bend on a lot honestly. I won't apologize for blocking the people who have been interacting with posts that are hateful to me or about how they don't like me. That is something I am doing for my own mental well being and safety. I don't need people who actively dislike me around me. And I think that is fair.

That's all. Just if anyone is making more posts or going to plan to send in asks, I'm asking you not to and to let it go. I don't need to change anyone's mind about me. They are free to not like me as much as they want. That's okay. I don't need anyone defending me.

Thank you for reading if you got this far. If you choose to unfollow, that's fair and totally up to you. I hope everyone has a good day.

[sistervirtue]

the barbie movie like. ok so [spoilers and long paragraphs under the cut]

yeah it was really basic ideologically it didnt cover all the various intersections and theories of feminism but i think when people saw conservatives flipping their shit people expected it to be like, a manifesto. its a film, and more importantly, it's the Barbie Movie. i think expecting a gender and womens studies class from it would be silly, and while i get why people are disappointed in how much sympathy it lends to the men in the movie, i dont think like, once again, that was ever something to not expect?

furthermore on that point i think showing misogyny from a place of defining the self around a sense of loneliness by men isn't...far off. theres never an excuse for misogyny but thats rhetoric that radicalizes a lot of incels and shit i would rather that than they treat it like some mysterious miasma.

also, i think, once again while it was pretty basic in the ideas it presented... how often is it show that explicitly in broad-audience film? like stated directly to the audience in that manner? theres no flirting with the feminist theory in the movie; it says it outright, which is something a lot of films shy away from out of fear of alienating men once it becomes too "girl power"-y. im not usually for the use of a lot of buzzwords in film and discussion of issues but these buzzwords are never said with cheapness or to obfuscate. it could be heavyhanded at times, but that heavyhandedness wasnt ever really obnoxious? it walked the line of "haha silly" but still took its point seriously enough that you could appreciate the use of that heavyhandedness for comedic effect without being mocked

i also think the fact they just like "solve" the patriarchy in the barbie world isnt meant to imply that you can just fix the real world with a woman president or by being aware of misogyny. in fact a lot of the movie is dedicated to showing how the barbie world and real world are different. the conclusion of the movie is that barbie wants to become human, even though the human world is messy and unsolved and nothing like she assumed it was. she believed barbie had solved misogyny forever, which is a direct jab at the idea that any "one thing" or "girl power" movement can just suddenly whisk away the very power structures that created that sort of oppression.

its very much coming from a cis/heterosexual/white basis. they flirt with further intersection but dont commit, which im really not a fan of. my friends after the film were like "it was more homoerotic than i expected haha" and...yeah, it was, but it didnt do anything to address gayness or what that means in such a heavily gendered heterosexual society. you could read that subtext through allen and his thing.... but allen is a joke. his story is never resolved. hes one of the guys but he isnt, hes one of the girls but he isnt, he benefits not at all from "kendom" but conversely is not oppressed the way the barbies are and vice versa. he's just allen, and the only allen there is. when sasha and her mom want to go back to help barbie, the fact he just goes "God im never getting out of here" and thats just like, left was kinda. well. it was something for sure.

still. i know i just wrote like 200 words on the ideology of this movie but first and foremost its a pg13 comedy meant to be shown to broad audiences in theaters for money. its meant to be an enjoyable watch, and it is! its a gorgeous film, its funny, the songs are fine, and the way it makes its side comments arent distracting nor meanspirited. it knows when to take itself seriously, and i like that. i was actually expecting it to be a general audiences like, kids movie i was so fucking surprised when barbie said penis.

i also think saying the line at the end about the gynecologist is like "saying you need a vagina to be a real woman" is disingenuous honestly. one its meant to be a bit of a shock quip to get a giggle but two i think a lot of people who need gynecological care (which can include trans women) are afraid when it comes to that first visit and finally sitting down and talking about those areas because of the shame and lack of proper education. maybe its bc i grew up mormon but i dont think its meant to imply thats what MADE barbie a real woman or that its fundamental to being one.

once again it definitely isnt a perfect movie. i think the way the ken and barbie talk happened at the end was still a bit coddly and the scope of the ideology underneath the movie was, once again, still very much centered in white cishetero society and thought with only passing mentions of intersectionality that felt both shallow and (especially with the gayness and racial dynamics) occasionally like it was being turned into a joke

still all in all it was a pretty good movie. weird barbie #1. allen get behind me i will protect u

[sparring-spirals]

RE the Orym/Fearne convo; do you think they’re actually planning on killing Imogen or just incapacitating her?

On the one hand these people are a threat to the Air Ashari and have attacked them before, and I can easily Orym being this ruthless.

On the other hand, I don’t see why Orym would delegate to Fearne unless they were talking about taking her out non-lethally? She seems much more suited to (and less conflicted about) being the distraction.

(I also think it would be kind of hilarious for Ashley and Liam’s plan to just be “knock her out, grab her, leg it” and for the two of them to have chosen just the most euphemistically loaded way possible to discuss this at the table)

Sorry for the delay on this, my brain is cooperating excellently and thats why it took multiple days to watch a two minute conversation. Now that I HAVE seen it, with the caveat of still not having watched the rest of the episode:

I think the plan is to do whatever is needed, in the moment- the conversation felt more like trying to prepare themselves for the possibility, not just for "taking Imogen out" but for acting against her at all. Acknowledging the amount of danger Imogen poses, locking eyes, asking each other: are you with me? always.

They both say, at different points through the conversation: this probably wont be necessary. I'm sure it will be fine. Itll be good! There are already so many things to worry about. But that silent "if", was finally spoken too. If its not fine? If the worst comes to pass? If Imogen becomes another concern, in the middle of hell?

Orym asking Fearne to do the deed was a little surprising, but rewatching that exchange, and thinking about the opposite, I think it makes sense. Fearne is well suited for a distraction, yeah, but- this is more than that. This is an intentional deception against someone Fearne likes very much, that Fearne really cares about. It would be a deception intended to end in harm to something she loves. I think that's very different from the lies Fearne likes to tell. I think it would be- difficult, at best.

On top of that- Imogen is dangerous. They love her, but they know- she is powerful, immensely so. And so against them- she is dangerous.

The person in the "distraction" role is the one most likely to be in danger. im not sure Orym could contend with giving that role to Fearne, even if it means the final moves are less lethal than is necessary.

(Maybe there is a part of him that hopes for that, too. Neither of them want to do this. Both of them hoping for the best. But Fearne is the one to raise the worry, and Orym is the one to voice the hard possibilities. he has to be. If it comes down to it- if- the roles are bad either way. Its all going to be a nightmare.

If it comes down to it- if. Orym asked Fearne: Are you with me? and Fearne said: Always. And that's what it boils down to, right? No matter what they plan out, if it all goes to hell, it'll come down to the trust, and whatever happens from there.)

(I agree. Fearne seems less suited for this kind of lethality, against someone she loves. Duty over emotion. But also. Fearne loves all these people, and maybe loves Orym a little extra. And if push comes to shove, Fearne trusts Orym, the most. His judgement, his love, his guidance. And so. Are you with me? Always.)

[fox-the-artist-fruit-canid]

Tears of a broken promise

They were currently at the port they were reunited to say goodbye to eachother before they go into their respective misions,the ambience was tense in betwen the two o them they hadn´t talked since the discussion that they had last night.

He was nervous not dearing to speak as he waited for his elder brother to at least say something not receiving any answer he was going to speak,when suddenly a warm embrace took him by surprise.

The elder one was hugging him tighly almost making him suffocate hiting a bit his older brothers back to idicate that it was enough to wich he let go letting him breathe.

''what got to you so suddenly?''

He asked looking to his brother who to his surprise had a warm but wide smile in his face smile he hadn't seen in a really long time,not since their other family members passed away.

''im just a bit happier than this last days thats all''

Said the older before ruffling his fluff or rather hair making him chuckle he hadn´t seen him this energic and overall happy since a long while it almost felt off,but he wasn´t going to question it at least not now.

''if you say so''

Claimed the younger one as he just stared at his old brother hearing a 'ejem' coming from behind him looking at a certain masked irken that came with him just to make sure he didn't lated much.

''are you two done over there?''

Questioned the masked one looking at them with a deadpan expresion that could be senced troughout the plastic mask.

Both looked at eachother him looking more melancholic felling like he should say something but his brother moved before he could say something,moving towards the masked irken who looked a bit paniked at the sudden aproach.

''what are you-hmph!''

He had almost no time of reaction before he was hugged with such force he was even lifted off the floor hitting the taller one´s back to indicate he was suffocating under his grasp,the older one let go afther laughing abit as the other recovered from the bear hug.

The older one really had no reason to do that but he still did,the younger one weanwhile also laughed at this scene looking as the masked irken recovering and sending a dead stare at his brother as if they were enemies to wich his brother only smirked amused.

''Mis hurry up! we have to go!''

Soon the taller one was called an female irken with a lizard like apearence was calling him to come as she moved some samll metalic boxes inside the spceship.

''thats my call…looks like is time to say goodbye''

Said the taller one as the other two noded,he smiled at them before going for another hug,strange comming of him that he was very touchy that day since he usually disliked fisical touch.

This time he hugged both of them softly in diference to before,the younger one corresponded aswell as the masked one afther a couple of seconds.

''take care you two,ok?''

Was what he said before letting go off them,he patted both of their heads a bit to the disgust off he masked one who pushed his hand grumbling to wich the taller one only giggled.

''MIS!''

The taller one was going to say something but the angry scream of the irken of before made him jump and turn around to shout aswell.

''coming!''

An unamed planet were irk had an still operating investigation center or that was till they sent an almost screaming help mensage to the central,so a small rescue team was sent in case it was a trap.

he waved at them as he was leaving smiling brigtly,both waved back,the younger one left things unsaid but if they saw again maybe they could talk it out,but he couldn´t help but have a bad felling about this.

.

.

.

They had been traveling since a couple days now,the travel was about to end as they were aproaching the destination.

The rescue was more regarding the investigation that was on that rather small investigation center of the desertic planet than to rescue the investigators and scientist of the place.

Cruel maybe,but at this point they couldn´t risk it this was one of the last investigation centers hidden away and that was far away from irk and wich was still accesible.

The rescue team consisted of 5 memebers 2 elite pilots,an mechanic,an exterminator and a rebelious xeltrian,quite a weird combination if things had to be said.

Once they were on close proximity off the planet they were warned by the pilots as a call to be ready for the landing were their mission will start.

They landed safely afther that,once on the sanded ground of the planet he felt an rather agonaizing pinch on his neck almost like it was a burning red needle being puntured on his neck.

It wasn´t the first time he felt that kind of pain that came associated with the fact of now being part of the xeltrian hive mind,but he thought this signal probably came from amber the xeltrian that was with them.

But due to no signal of life outside it was obvious something went wrong and they had no time left and due to the abcent of any form of ship they probably escaped given the oportunity or the one´s that could.

Soon he learned he was wrong in thinking the signal came from amber.

.

They aproached to the base prepared for the worst since once close they could see the base rather dismanteled like they tried to get everything to get out of the planet as fast as posible.

Ignoring this they decided to enter the base looking around in watch of survivors for now only finding corpses some under fallen debry,something truly went wrong in there.

Once they reached the center and most important part of the investigation center they found with horror that everything was destroyed leaving nothing of research behind everything was destroyed.

He couldn´t help but curse under his breath as he saw this mass destruccion and bodys of all the scientist and researchers being trown everywhere some even hanging above their heads.

All their reasearch was gone but maybe there were still something to save,as they started to look around in watch of something they could save they had no clue they weren´t alone in fact being watched.

Saeri his cousin and the mechanic of the team soon in one of the corpses found an ipad that was mayorly intact only having a cracked screen.

''hey! found something''

''what is it?''

''its an ipad it has the screen cracked but it seems intact''

''good…if we can´t find anything else we'll take that and leave''

Was their converstion as he still looked for anything else they could safe meanwhile amber guarded atentive to any sort of danger.

As saeri got the ipad out of the body´s hands a sudden but low growl only him and amber heard made act of presence they got pale as they also received a transmission trhough their flagella.

They weren´t abble to warn saeri before a rank 4 xeltrian ran straiaght towards her,even if saeri reacted fast and shielded herself with an arm,what she didn´t take in count was that the xeltrian riped a part of her arm off.

She let out a loud pained scream as she fell to the ground with only a part of her now dislocated arm left as the other one was being swalowed by the monster known by the name the silent death.

Amber attacked knocking off balnce the rather more small xeltrain in coparicion taking saeri in her arms and runing being followed by him short afther since he had to make sure they had a way to distract that beast.

He closed doors and halls to try and slow down the rank 4 who started following them opening and opening gate afther gate and door afther door with only brute force.

Amber and saeri ran out fisrt being followed by mis who had closed the principal gate of the base which was more resistent and will take a while to destroy.

''someone has to distract it''

Said amber kinda the obvious somethng had to entertrain the rank 4 so that the others could go safely back to irk.

''im going to,i know how…''

Sighted mis prepared to sacrifice himself for the safety of the others,upon hearing this saeri tried to go down of amber´s arms but amber hold on tight.

''no! were not letting you here!''

''…it´s the only way…im sorry…''

Were mis words with a heavy heart as he loocked at the gate as shounds of broken metal were heard from the inside of the base.

''amber go now the rank 4 won´t late that much on reaching and breking the frontal gate…''

Amber only noded as saeri was still triying to get of her arms as this happened,amber started runing with saeri on her arms going far quickly.

''NO! MIS!''

Was the onle thing he could hear saeri sayas they went away sighting a bit sad,he took out his weapon and shot it staright onto the floor on a specific place.

He could hear a 'pip!' come from the sand as the floor now iluminated with tiny blue doted lights that blinked quickly making some sort of patern.

Now his gaze was taken quickly by the sound of the frontal gate being hit repeadly with extreme strenght being slowly but surely open seing as the blades of the rank 4 pierced the door.

His heart rate was speeding up fast almost feeling as if his heart will jump of his chest knowing the iminent death aproaching not by the rank 4 itself but by the mines he just activated.

The inside of his head was a disaster full of thoughts,regrets,with fond and bad memories,feelings and emotions,as he most likely was seing his life pass before his eyes.

Even if he didn´t realice at first due to feeling numb his shaking legs betrayed him making him fall on his knees being unable to get up,he experienced this kind of fear before and he didn´t like it in the bare minimum.

In his trys to calm down he inhaled and exahaled all the air in his body,now a bit more prepared his flagella wen out transmiting a signal to amber before starting a soft signal to the rank 4.

Said rank 4 went out trowing the gate down and finally coming out with a blood chiling roar,he walked out slowly now facing him it´s eyes full of hunger and anger,it growled at him as it received the signal he was sending.

Both looked at each other eye to eye with a firce glare,but one of their gazes softens and looks lost into the void of the sunrising sky.

He was sorry,really sorry,he once again broke the promise he made to her sister before she departed that he would be there for his brothers.

Now he was about to leave this world wich meant leaving take his only alive brother left behind…

Bitter tears fell off his face as he forced a smile into his facial expresion,he was sorry for everything he was sorry for absolutly everything,he was sorry…

At the sound off a last 'pip!' from the mines,the rank 4 charged at all its speed preparing its claws to decapiatate him,he was ready.

''saeri!''

afther that it all turned white.

.

.

.

They were close to reaching the ship in fact she could see it from a distance,saeri wasn´t cooperative still trying to jump off her arms and finally being abble to when she stoped runing when a transmision hit her

''we have to go back!''

''saeri no!''

''we can´t leave him! not like this!''

''saeri he´s gone!''

She stops her path upon hearing this slowly turning towards her,saeris face was covered in tears that rolled down her face non stop.

''i know…yet we have to try…''

Before she could continue walking or letting her answer something a loud boom was heard from the distance both seing a fire and smoke structure formed in the distance were the investiation center used to be.

She acted fast runing towards saeri and tackled herto the floor using her body as a shield in counter of the electromacnetic shockwave that followed.

But as spectated nothing just nothing,a great pair of metters they found the dead body of the rank 4 complitly destroyed and in another couple of meters they found the only thing left of him.

Once done they watched in horror as there was nothing but smoke left the truth making itself evident it was all nothing more than ashes now.

.

As they were back they watched for anything that could signal he had survived somehow,this hope being unrealistic and nothing more than a dream.

His PAK was still mildly intact but it was unfunctional completly shut down,upon this decovery a pained and deep in sorrow scream from saeri was heard meters away as bitter tears fell from both off their faces.

''making a hole in the floor wont make them come back faster…''

He truly was gone.

.

.

.

Back on irk he awaited kinda inpatient walking left and right as he awaited for the ship to return at the port,yet he wasn´t alone like last time being acompained by his masked companion.

''i know,i know,im just nervous''

Was their short conversation as the awaited moment finally arrived the ship in were his brother and cousin departed had arrived afther a week since he returned to irk.

He went as close as posible waiting impatient hoping to see his brother again seing as the ship landed waiting as the ship now opened its gate to let the tripulation out.

Saeri was the first to come out tho she looked lost in thought her eyes being abscent of any kind of shine and most importantly he noticed that a piece of her arm was missing.

He worried upon seing this something must have went wrong he didn´t hecitate any longer and sproached her almost triping onto his own feet.

''saeri!''

''take…?''

Saeri raised her head off the floor to see him noticing the others cast on his arm wich meant it was broken,she worried upon seing this tho she lowered her gaze again.

''saeri! wha…what happened?…your arm…''

''it was ripped off…''

Was her simple answer that make him worry even more he didn´t said a word just staring at her with worry.

''what happened to yours?''

''it was just an accident nothing to worry…''

She was going to talk when upon the sound of movement he got distracted looking inside the ship in watch for his brother seing the pilots come out and later on amber who hold something in her arms but no clue of his brother were abouts.

''were´s mis…?''

The question saeri was fearing to come was made she only stared at the side blinking fast as if she was triying to contain her tears thing wich confused him.

''he´s gone…''

Was amber´s short but certain answer,upon this revelation he was taken aback quite not beliving what he just heard.

''what…?''

''he is gone take….he is dead…''

He went pale breathing heavily while bitter tears of remorse and frustration started producing in his eyes,he was going to say something until he saw that what amber was the only remain of his brother being his now unfuntioning PAK.

Silent decorated with a face of authentic horor and tears of complete and uter pain feel down his face,his legs failed him falling to his knees.

His cousin followed him kneeling down in front of him and hugging him gently while she also started criying in join to him.

''im so sorry…im really sorry…''

''no…''

Were her words as he finaly broke down crying his heart out while he hugged her back as they both cry amber holds her tears.

.

Meanwhile at the conmosion his masked companion comes closer noticing the scene not quite understanding what was happening until he notices the object in ambers hands realization hitting quick.

But despite none of them knowing someone watches this being mis or rather his soul who looks with eyes full of sadness repeating words of sorry no one can hear as tears run down its face.

Was all he could muster felling his troath dry and closing a bit out of nowhere knowing perfectly the reason as his eyes start to feel anoyed by something aswell,he clenches his fist as a form to mantain composure.

.

As bitternes and grief revolved in the ambience people observes the whole thing uravel without interrupting.

'at the rise of a new sunrise a hero says goodbye…'

Says a female voice to it´s left wich happened to be his mothers soul voice she also looked sad but she wasn´t as emotional as him.

'it´s time to go back…'

Upon hearing this he sighs and cleans his tears and nods taking a last glance again saying an apology before they both depart into the horizon.

[newt-with-a-big-hat]

SHAKING MY FIST IN A SOMEWHAT ANNOYED MANNER AT NEIL GAIMAN

I just watched Good Omens season 2 and I'm gonna be ☝🤓 about it for a second bcuz none of my friends watched the show and I cant rant at them (exploding them with my mind rn)

obviously spoiler and unhinged tirade warning

and no im not proof reading any of this

So I got really into the books before it was a show (Im not like other Good omens fans ok) *gets shoved into a locker* So I was pleasantly surprised with the first season because I thought my annoying grinch ahh would hate it. It was faithful to the original but it still made it new and interesting. The themes, story and the vibe was the same. They did put more of a focus on Aziraphale and Crowely and made them slightly softer but it worked and was swag. I also liked what they did with the ending even though it wasn't in the book.

So when season two was announced I was hopeful but also really nervous. The story had come to a logical end (Ig it could continue with a war between humanity and a heaven hell alliance and the end of season one basicallly implied that that would happen but STILL) and then the other writer for the book, Sir Terry Pratchet passed away (SIDE NOTE: i hate when people only mention Gaiman in regards to Good Omens, put some respect on my man Pratchet). I thought a lot of the humour and charm the book originally had was very Pratchetesque and it just wouldn't be the same without him . (no shade to Gaiman btw but yk what i mean)

I found out later (two days ago) that they the two authors had actually discussed a sequel previously and it would probably follow the plot of that heaven/hell vs humanity war, but past me didnt know that ok? my point about it not being the same still stands.

When season 2 came out i didnt watch it for a month bcuz i didnt have amazon prime. But when I eventually BOUGHT MY OWN SUBSCRIPTION AND GOT IT 100% LEGITIMATELY, JEFF BEZOS IF YOU'RE READING THIS PLS DONT COME BEAT ME UP, i finally had no more excuses to put it off.

In the begining (BIBLE REFERENCE?!??) i was really getting into it. Gaiman was POPPING off with those jokes. The naked Gabriel thing was an interesting premise. It was silly, cozy, and comfy.

and then it sort of stayed like that?

Like in Season one the main threat was the literal world ending. In season 2 it was Shaz standing menacingly outside the bookshop? And I know there was the whole threat of them being erased from the book of life, but that was mentioned once and then not really brought up again until the end where all the threats were just resolved in like 15 minutes? In season 1 Heaven and hell were a proper threat, but in season 2 they felt like submissive Beta males for some reason. it just felt kind of low stakes and too easily resolved.

OK so my next part might make some ppl mad (pls dont be mean to me ill cry) so I will preface this with saying: I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST A ROMANCE BETWEEN AZIRAPHALE AND CROWELY HAPPENING IN SEASON 2 lets be honest they were basically married in the book anyway so  💀

However it kind of overpowered the rest of the season. while season 1 was focused on a lot of different characters and plot happening, most of season 2 seemed to focus on their relationship. I did like some of it (that magic show episode was a banger) but no real plot actually happened during that time ( I straight up forgot Gabriel existed).

I also wasn't overly invested in the other romance between Maggie and Nina. It was cute, but it didnt hit like Newton and Anathema did. Gabriel and Beelzebub was cute (should have been me not Gabriel tho), but it was all smooshed into the last episode. It was a bit of an information dump.

The season felt like a different genre, with different stakes and a different overall vibe. Im gonna be honest, at some points it felt kind of... fanfictiony? if thats a good way to put it? It became more of a character driven show.

While I was doing some serious academic research (reading other tumblr blogs) I found out that this season was meant to be more relaxed and a smaller scale compared to season one and an eventual season 3. It was meant to be more focused on characters relationships and getting everyone where they need to be for the final season (which i assume is going to be like the sequel that Pratchet and Giaman planned ages ago). And it was also filmed during the Pandemic which explains its smaller scale.

I have mixed feelings on it. It was an enjoyable season, but it just didnt feel Good-omens-esque, and the fact that Im a ☝🤓 and grew up with book means I cant enjoy it as much as I want to. Im hoping season three will bring back the originals vibes and redeem season 2 for me.

Ok so aside form my main critisim, I also wanna talk abt the charactarisation of Aziraphale and Crowely and the Themes. This ones less of a problem for me but someone pointed it out and now its bothering me a bit.

When I watched the ending I was ready to throw hands with Gaiman himself because I didn't realize that there was gonna be a season three where the conflict was resolved. After I found out I was fine again UNTIL someone pointed out that they felt Aziraphale leaving for heaven was kind of out of character. The main message of season one is that neither heaven nor hell is good and both Aziraphale and Crowely are on their own, and humanities side. Both of them realize that, and theres a whole scene where they make a toast to the world. The fact that Aziraphale suddenly goes all "I can fix him" on heaven seems a bit odd. I've got mixed feelings on this becuase on one hand it is an interesting conflict to have, but it does sort of seem ooc for him to do. Im deciding to rationalize it by saying Aziraphales gone a bit silly and goofy from all the stress thats happening.

Someone else pointed out that the fact that Aziraphale and crowely met when they were both angels kind of ruins the significance that they became 'friends' despite being on opposite sides. I kind of see this point too, and I did prefer their first meeting being in the garden of eden (mainly becuase it was funnier) but im choosing to interpret this as they were aquintances as angels and only got to know eachother later.

Im just putting my trust in Neil Gaiman and Season 3

OK ITS OVER. Most people probably dont care all that much because they touch grass and go outside, but I just wanted to rant becuase something about it was really bothering me. If you actually read this far im giving you a gold star and a platonic forhead smooch. ALSO PLS FEEL FREE TO BULLY ME FOR MY TAKES BCUZ I REALLY WANT TO ENJOY THIS THIS SEASON AND MAYBE A DIFF PERSPECTIVE WILL HELP. OK BYE

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[fallingforel]

arabella pt 3- Talk!

masterlist

when the debrief happens and y/n cant find alex anywhere 

warnings- swearing, heartbreak, mentions of cheating, please let me know if there are anymore and I will add them to this list

“look all I’m trying to say George is that maybe we should go over some of the pacts we made and see if some of them need rediscussing or not” “Look just get some sleep matty, we all need rest, lets discuss this better when we’re actually not delusional” the bed being well inflated by now I hug George goodnight retrieving a blanket from the pile of junk on one side of the room. and getting some well-deserved rest.

⋆｡°✩

After a well deserved night of rest from last nights activities its safe to say I was still sore after all Alex and I did have a few rounds, anyway I’m letting my point digress. Right now its currently 1pm and I’ve just woken up to an empty bed, Alex nowhere to be found. The thing that woke me up? George singing a bad rendition of an elvis presley song, probably to get me up to make him and everyone juice. Thats the thing with George, the thing with all the boys really, once they get an idea in their head they literally do not let go, so it looks like im going to have to get up and go on the hunt for alex to ask if he wants a juice and a bacon sandwich because I just know that Ross will be making them, Its what we’ve always done we go on a night out, then the morning after we have bacon sandwiches and juice and debrief from the night befores previous’ antics. 

So eventually managing to stand, i get up and go look for Alex not finding him on the balcony, I then admit my defeat of being unlucky trying to find the chocolate eyed boy and head into the kitchen met with surprise because George was cooking the bacon sandwiches this time. “Ahh y/n/n was wondering when you’d get up, here woke up and found this on the side” George said handing me a napkin folded over with my name on it with words scribbled in sharpie inside. “Hey! You should apologise it was your god awful rendition of elvis presley that woke me up from my beauty sleep, lord knows, thanks. You didn’t read it did you?” my words coming out to George a bit more mean than usual.

“No. I didn't, thought you wouldn't want me too. Plus it wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me would it?” laughing at his words “since when are you a gentleman George?” to that i was just met with a hum in response so I decided to open the napkin which read. 

“y/n i really enjoyed last night had to run though have to record in the studio for the new album coming, think you’ll really like this one, its got a bit of everything in it,  so sorry to run wouldve loved to try your juice. anyway , heres my number 07*********, call me sometime soon we can organise something im sure

Al x :)” 

Smiling like a giddy school girl whos just got invited to her first date, I put it in my pocket of my hoodie, saving it for later making a mental note to call him when everyone was gone. George then spoke up from infront of me interrupting my train of thought, “So y/n what did you get up to last night? Anything interesting?” “whats that supposed to mean G?” i asked raising my eyebrows in question. “Nothing just wanted to know if anything happened with alex, he seems like a good lad and also i noticed how close you two were last night. I also may or may not have heard you two just a tad.” Burying my head in my hands out of abashment, “oh god i only thought matty had heard, dear lord. Im so sorry G.”

“Yeah well it wasnt just matty was it, it was Ross and I aswell okay it might have been a bit embarrassing but when have you not heard one of us, im very happy for you though, y/n/n, glad to see you get back on the field especially after col-” holding my finger out interrupting his sentence “dont you dare utter his name, other wise i will manifest that that bacon spits at you so much that you have burns all over your fingers that they blister and its unbearable pain for weeks” 

George then and there admitted his defeat holding his hands up. “Woah a bit harsh y/n/n,” my threat was overheard and interrupted by Matty, and Ross by the looks of it,  entering the room “Hey, it was completely fair, he almost brought up his name” ross replies. “Thank you, ross I knew I liked you the most out of all of our friendship” for that i was met with a chorus of “heys” even adam, and ross’ “welcome, love.” just sticking his middle finger up at george, hann and matty in response to their hurtful glares at me. “Just kidding i love you all equally, youre all my joint favourite.” i say to put their glares at rest.

“Anyway Hann when did you get here?” “about an hour ago knew we all needed to debrief from the night and when you lot had disappeared knew you would be at the closest flat from the pub, yours of course” adam explained himself. “Yours is the closest to anywhere we go on a night out bug. How is that?” “its because where i live, is club and pub central, dont forget that the uni is literally a 10 minute car ride down the road aswell. even some nights ms. lambert goes out with her old mates to the pub 5 minutes down the road mad i swear plus on nights when im not out i get to catch pub fights through my window, best place ive ever lived i swear, anyway im going off on a tangent plus it looks like the bacons almost done so, does everyone want juice?” just met with a chorus of “yeahs” i get started on making the juice for 5 of us. 

⋆｡°✩

After 3 minutes everyone was sat on the sofa, and soon we were talking about how last night went for all of us. “So hann,” i started, “who was the girl you were sucking face with last night,seemed very interested in eachother. You barely spoke to us!” “ahh y/n, her names carly, very nice girl ive been on a few dates with her, its early days but i think it might be a really good relationship, last night was only meant to be us but she just happened to be there, think you’ll get along with her, shes very nice and not like em at all” “thats good for you hann, we have to get together sometime so i can meet her, you deserve happiness especially after emma cheated on you with him” i knew you could hear the disgust in my voice, that really hurt when that happened, ross was at a cafe on a date and found them together kissing in a booth he joint called adam and i and we both felt betrayed i guess it was more hurtful for adam as he didnt expect it to happen he thought they were fine, happy and in love, but i knew, i knew her, she always took my boyfriends even when she already had one, she could never let me have my moment in the sun, when she started dating Adam i had warned him but he said it was different now and that she had changed, but when ross found them together i knew he was heartbroken and through that we had grown a lot closer together. The both of us mending our hearts together. 

“What about you, bug. You gonna tell hann where you disappeared off to last night when ross, G and i came back from smoking” matty said to me hann raising his eyebrows in question as if to say ooh which is what followed. I rolled my eyes playfully smiling “i kinda met someone, kinda the lead singer of arctic monkeys” i said taking another bite of my bacon sandwich. “Oh yeah do tell. What did the night lead to?” adam said jokingly wiggling his eyebrows at me. And then george piped in “lots of headboard smashing and loud noises lets just say that” i playfully smacked his chest raising my eyebrows at him. “Oh yeah? Good on you y/n/n im very proud of you, youve come along quite nicely from the heartbreak that we both experienced 6 months ago” “so have you hann, and there we were thinking that we would never experience a love life again, and here we are both with potential love interests” i state sighing in content happy with the little family i have here in the heart of the U.K.

⋆｡°✩

After a few meaningless chats about last nights happenings like what what we had to eat and best food after a night out conclusion; it's a doner kebab. And then ross stood up “right im gonna go get some clothes on, ive got a date” “whats her name this time macdonald?” I stated with an airy chuckle  “gemma.” “wow. You actually know her name this time, at least you were courteous enough this time to remember” matty states which the rest of us just laughed at.  “shut up the lot of you okay, at least i play the field a bit, while im still in my prime before i settle down, plus its not like you have a leg to stand on healy, how many girlfriends have you had since ‘02” matty then huffed and crossed his arms an apparent scowl on his face impeding on the smile he had on his face just a few mere moments ago. “That shut him up quick, note to self bring up the many girlfriends healy has had to quite his waffle” george said holding a hand out mimicking out writing on a piece of paper. 

After ross had disappeared to get changed and come back out he appeared again “so ill see you all later we gonna head up to wilmslow together later?” “shit” i exclaimed “whats the time” “errrr just coming up to 2 why?” “shit i was meant to leave at 10 to help lucy with the wedding. fuck, why did no one wake me up, you shits, right im gonna have to quickly get changed and hop in my car, stink dont suppose you could pack my case for me?” 

“Yeah course go get changed and ill do it as soon as your out of your bedroom, dont worry dont panic if need be just blame me ill gladly take a hit from bridezilla for you, bug” 

“Thank you! I dont have time to get changed, ive got to go now, Youre a blooming life saver, stink, all right ross ill see  you later about 9 ish lots of love all of you” i quickly run to my room grab my phone and my car keys on my nightstand and grab my bag thats chucked on the floor and run out of my house on the phone to lucy. 

⋆｡°✩

“WHERE ARE YOU? YOURE MEANT TO BE HERE BY NOW! I MEAN IT Y/N I NEED AN EXPLANATION. NO THEY DONT GO THERE ON THE MAIN TABLE SMALLER CENTERPIECES ON THE ROUND TABLES, I NEED AN EXPLANATION?? IM WAITING ON ONE.” 

“It was matty okay luce, he forgot to wake me up, so im gonna be just a tad 3 hours late” 

“Oh good lord, okay look as long as youre here for the rehearsal dinner everything is going to be fine im sure”

“Okay good? How are things anyway? Hows henry? Luce?”

“Err alls good here. We have a slightly larger problem though. Em and him just walked in”

⋆｡°✩

[elephant-in-the-pride-parade]

Just some writing musings

Around the end of last year, I made the choice to stop posting most of my WIPs. I was starting to get more and more of the "When are you going to update" type of comments. and that was really cancelling out the joy i'd get from other comments.

It's been good in some ways...

I no longer feel like a content vending machine.

I'm not as stressed about whether or not readers will like where im going with a story.

I no longer feel guilty about irl getting in the way

For the WIPs I am still posting on ( the huge Sailor Moon series sequel and the SM / HP crossover... theyre so niche that I feel like people have been reading it so long that theres not as many update requests. the folks reading that have been with me through grad school. they know i'll finish it... and they do get mammoth sized chapters so I guess that balances out...)

But I have noticed that for the wips im not posting... Out of Reach, Unbroken, Universe to Bend, the rest of the Voyager rewrites... not posting as I go hasnt changed my excitement for them but dear god, It has tanked my writing pace.

Doing monthly writeathons with other writing folks has helped me fill in that motivation gap.

So do betas when i have them, to an extent (but betaing for me is a lot of work. i hate asking that of people).

Collabs have gone really really well - it's easy to get inspired when someone else is there going back and forth feeding your creativity.

But I seriously miss the inspiration / motivation boost that came from meaty comments. fangirling-comments, analysis-comments, questioning-what-would-happen-next comments, things-that-surprised-people comments, how-emotional-a-scene-made-them-in-public comments. I loved those discussions. and they really helped spark my inspiration for whatever the next scene had to be.

I didn't receive those comments very often though. so i do have to acknowledge that when they did help me write when life was busy, it was also not something i could rely on.

Writing is fun. Finishing long stories is hard. theyre a project. theyre work. theyre time and brain power intensive. Is feels ridiculous to say my hobby is hard and i still love the hobby, but it is true.

So back to the connundrum i've been at for a while. When I am low on time/energy to be creative: how do i make writing logistically easier, lacking outside inspiration or motivation boost? (will a physical journal help? phone reminders? scheduling writing blocks has been hit or miss) Or if i cant make writing logistically easier - how do i gain that motivator / inspiration to make it worthwhile? (writeathons help. betas when i dont feel guilty for how much effort that is. do i just make a private ao3 collection for WIPs and only invite readers who like to give meaty comments. that seems silly but thats a bit where im at with this)

For other writers (fanfic or otherwise) who struggle to write when theyre busy with irl. im curious what kind of solutions you have. bc i dont see life getting less busy or brain-power-consuming...