#but anyway my point is that toxic masculinity is dead

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Not to keep harping on this but I accidentally saw a post that pissed me off a little bit so I'm gonna talk about it. Originally I was gonna put this at the end of the post but I've decided to move it to the top because I know some people are determined to take me out of context so I'll sacrifice the formatting of this post and some of the impact of this sentence in a vain hope that my point will not be misconstrued. I fully anticipate people skipping over this first paragraph anyway but at least I did my due diligence. You can like Izzy, I like Lestat (AMC IWTV), I like the Joker, It's fine to have an evil blorbo. It's the apologia that gets me tho. You're fake villain fuckers and you can't admit that your blorbo is fucked up in some deeply uncomfortable ways.

That said on to my angry meta: Either Izzy is homophobic, or he's an abuser. He could be both, but he can't be neither otherwise the literal climax of the first season doesn't make any fucking sense. Like he calls in a swat on Stede and the crew because Stede has, quote, "done something to his boss's brain" and he wants Stede dead because of it. homosexuality as a corrupting influence is textbook homophobia. He thinks Stede has made Ed soft and he thinks he's using his limp wristed wiles to do it.

If you don't want to read it as homophobia (which would be a weird reading because it fails to explain that line and misses the whole message about toxic masculinity, but I've heard it's the reading that some people go with so, let's look at it) and you think that he's doing all of this because he's in love with Ed and he's jealous, I hate to tell you but that brings us back around to the abuser reading.

Like, the reading that this subset of the fandom seems to want me to believe is Izzy is in tragic gay love with Ed. But that doesn't make a single damn thing that he did ok. In fact it kind of makes it worse. Like trying to kill the loved ones of your beloved is text book abuser behavior. You're telling me that Izzy feels so entitled to Ed that he cannot take "Fuck off you're banished from the ship" For an answer, and he has to kill the guy that he blames for turning Ed against him? And I'm supposed to sympathize with that? Get real. That's text book abuser behavior. If that's the reading, then Izzy can't handle Ed having someone in his life that isn't Izzy, he can't handle Ed making decisions that Izzy doesn't approve of, and he can't handle Ed breaking off their relationship (which was Izzy's fault by the way he agreed to duel Stede sorry you can't handle the consequences honey). Those first two things you have to be able to handle if you want to have friends or even professional relationships, and the third thing is something that you're allowed to be upset about but that you're gonna have to move on from. Instead Izzy comes up with a hair brained scheme that risks the crews lives, Calico Jack's life, and, most importantly, risks Ed's life in order to... what? Undermine Ed's own autonomous choice to pursue a relationship with Stede? Get rid of a guy that he thinks is driving him and Ed apart so that Ed will maybe take him back? That's abuser shit my guy.

If there's another explanation for Izzy calling the fucking cops I'd love to hear it but as far as I can tell the options are "He hates Stede because Stede is frilly and camp and thinks Stede is making Ed weak" aka Textbook hate crime and "He's in deeply dysfunctional love and is therefore trying to force Ed to be in a relationship with him despite the fact that Ed has made it clear he doesn't want that" aka Textbook abuser.

To be clear I wouldn't have Izzy any other way. The roll he plays in the narrative is important to the story. I don't like him, per se, but I like stories about overcoming toxic masculinity, and those stories have to have a villain, and I was deeply emotionally ruined by the consequences of his actions, (i.e. the domino effect that caused Stede to abandon Ed on the dock) so I want him around for as long as they decide to keep him around. Just, like, fucking pretending he's never done anything wrong ever? Come on now.

[nfoodd]

BOOTING UP//

EXPOSITION //

Uzi: We are Worker Drones. Autonomous robots helping humans mine exoplanets for our interstellar parent company, JCJenson IN SPAAAAACCCEE!!!! Yeah, we were mistreated in the name of Windex. But it's not like we revolted and killed all humans or anything, mostly because they handled that just fine all by themselves.

(As she speaks, the planet core collapses and blows up a good majority of Copper 9. Afterwords, a Worker Drone touches a frozen human skeleton, which falls over and shatters.)

Uzi: With biological life wiped from the planet, we found it pretty easy to pick up where they left off. We finally had a future, all to ourselves.

(The Landing Pod crashes to the city.)

Uzi: Unfortunately, our parent company didn't exactly love the concept of runaway AI...

(The Disassembly Drones begin to emerge from the pod. One of them throws the head of a dead drone, laughs, and destroys the city with other drones.)

Scene 2

(During a class presentation...)

Uzi: But what have our parents done for the past forever while those things build a spire of corpses?! Hide under the ice behind three stupid doors?! It's like we're waiting for an inciting incident! Anyway, that's why my project is this sick-as-hell Railgun!

(Her classmates panic.)

Riley: Oh, so not the vibe!

Uzi: Easy, morons. It doesn't work... yet! It doesn't work yet. Who said it doesn't work, maybe it does! (Uzi flicks the switch and laughs evilly.)

Teacher: (Rolls his eyes and sighs in disinterest) Uzi, the homework was a word problem about buying watermelons.

Uzi: Oh, and this magnetically amplified photon converger doesn't count?

Teacher: ...No. Plus, repressed emotional baggage was only worth two points on the rubric. And is it supposed to be that color?

(Uzi's railgun turns red and blasts the classroom.)

Scene 3

(After that calamitous demonstration, Uzi winds up in the sick bay.)

Lizzy: Ew, it didn't kill her! Oh my god, it's so bad! (She and her friend leave.)

Uzi: Ugh...

Thad: (Walks in) Classic toxic masculinity, Chad! That's never gonna end up problematic... Oh wow, Uzi? I heard you, uh-

Uzi: I'm an angsty teen, Thad. Bite me! Also, how do you know my name? People willingly talk to you.

Thad: (Chuckles) Well, I'd say everyone knows Khan's daughter, but, uh... Then you might blow the other half of your face off.

Uzi: Crippling daddy issues, hilarious... What are you in for? Testosterone too hard?

Thad: That can happen? Awesome. Hey, those bandages look pretty badass!

Uzi: Oh... Uh, ew. Gross, I hate that you said that.

Thad: So, what's the, uh...

Uzi: (Points railgun) Sick-as-hell railgun?! Sci-Fi nonsense, that super works! I'm sneaking to the Murder Drone lair tonight to get the last spare part I need to save the world with it and earn my dad's respect and stuff, but mostly the world part.

Thad: Oh, but doesn't your dad make awesome doors so we don't have to, uh... Do that scary sounding emotionally repressed stuff you just said?

Uzi: (Angrily points railgun into his cheek) NO MORE FEEDBACK ON MY REPRESSION TODAY!!

Thad: Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't think...

Uzi: (Leaves) BITE ME! (Comes back) I'm not mad at you by the way, just generally hormonal! (Leaves again)

Scene 4

(It's now 3 in the morning. Uzi smacks her face to turn the alarm clock off and prepares to sneak out of the house. She grabs her railgun, straightens her hat, and quietly steals her father's door key to swipe and get a door open. Just when she is about to leave, she runs into her dad.)

Uzi: Oh, Robo-Jesus!

Khan: And where might you be off to?

Uzi: Umm... Sneaking out to make out with my boyfriend that I definitely have?

Khan: (Laughs) Seriously, though.

Uzi: Okay, okay, you caught me! I need to measure... the exterior hydraulic mechanisms of Door One. Because that's... the project I'm working on for school? A big old door! Just like what my old man build! (Khan isn't buying this.) I want to join the WDF and hide behind the doors like cowards while playing cards and stuff...

Khan: (Chuckles) Well, we don't just play cards...

(Another door opens up behind Khan revealing his buddies playing cards.)

Braxton: Khan! Can you grab a fresh pack? We literally only play cards so much that the numbers have faded. Oh, hey Uzi!

Uzi: (Chuckles)

Khan: (Closes door) Well... (Laughs) When you build doors so good- (Goes back to hug the door like a dog owner petting his four-legged friend) Good door, good door... (Turns his attention back to Uzi) There's no need to fight! Uzi, this is great news! Here! The wrench that I used to tighten bolts on my first door prototypes, and to put your mother out of her misery when the Murder Drones got to her with that nanite acid... I want you to have it! (He hands Uzi the wrench.)

Uzi: Neat. Therapy's fun!

Khan: (Opens door) Guys! My daughter is into doors!

(The fellow drones start cheering as another door opens, letting in snow and a cold breeze, much to their chagrin.)

Khan: She's gonna be outside for a bit to examine the exterior of Door One! Your door-specific destiny awaits!

Uzi: Uhh... Wow, okay! I'm just gonna leave then, cause this worked so weirdly well. Uh, go doors! (The door closes.)

Khan: (Tearing up) They grow up so fast! (He takes off his fake mustache.)

Scene 5

(Uzi ventures out into the arctic wasteland and makes her way to the Corpse House. She comes across a downed Drone pod and forages around for the component she needs when she hears a noise behind her. A winged drone swoops in, takes the head of a drone, and crushes it. They notice Uzi hiding behind some machinery, and the two engage in a fight. Uzi braces her railgun, but the drone lands so hard it gets knocked out of her hands. Uzi jumps back and strikes a pose.)

Uzi: Whoa, and they said pirating all that anime was useless...

(The drone stabs Uzi hand, leaving a hole, and flings her to the side. Uzi quickly grabs her railgun as the drone scans around for her.)

Uzi: Bite me!

(Uzi fires the railgun, destroying the drone's head. The railgun recharges as the drone's body falls to the ground.)

Uzi: Holy hell! Suck on that, Dad!

(Suddenly, the drone's head regenerates. Uzi quickly slaps them with an arm, which does nothing, then their eyes open.)

N: ...Did you just slap me with that arm?

Uzi: Holy crap, it talks.

N: Yeah... Sorry, it's just my, uh, head kind of hurts. Hey, are you new to our squad? You're a little, uhh... (Shows Error in his sensors) short, for a Disassembly Drone. I'm Serial Designation N, nice to meet you. I'm kind of the leader of the squad in this city. That's not true, everyone tells me I'm useless and terrible. Wait, I'm not supposed to tell you that part! Biscuits! (Sighs) Well, honesty is the best policy. (Laughs) I also can't seem to remember the past 3 hours of my life, but I'm sure that'll sort itself out.

Uzi: Uh huh... I, uh, have to, go. (She leaves, but forgets about the painful hole in her damaged hand.)

N: Stuck yourself? Just pop it in your mouth. Our saliva neutralizes the nanites, otherwise I'd be constantly disassembling myself. (He holds up a syringe with nanite acid.)

Uzi: And by our saliva, you mean...

Uzi & N: Disassembly Drone?

Uzi: Right. Hey, let's go in that landing pod over there!

N: Sure! I love doing anything!

Scene 6

(N is drinking saliva from Uzi's hand.)

N: Sweet! Uh, I'm open to new things, I guess.

Uzi: We are never talking about this.

N: Talking about what? Consider it, uh... Repressed!

Uzi: ...Uh, you mentioned other members of your squad? Are they coming back soon?

N: Oh, yeah. Two others. They're out hunting for a bit but you'll love them. First, there's V.

(Flashback. V tears a drone's entrails out.)

Grant: No, No! Please don't feed me my own entrails in front of my family!

(N watches V feed Grant his own entrails in front of his family and kill him.)

V: ...And yet, I still feel nothing. (Her crazed eye twitches.)

N: So, V, uh, I heard this planet-wide toxic death storm is supposed to be especially inhospitable tonight-

V: Oh God, who are you?! (She leaves.)

N: No worries, I'm N! But a whole letter is a lot to remember! (He laughs nervously.)

(Flashback ends.)

N: So obviously, a lot of mutual respect there. But secretly, I actually kind of have a crush on her... You can't tell her, okay?! (Beat. Motioning, Uzi zips her mouth.) Then there's J, our leader.

(Another flashback. J has N pinned to the ground.)

J: N, you're worthless, and terrible, (N: (Struggling to breathe) Thank you...) and if the company allowed it, I would straight up kill you myself!

(Flashback ends.)

N: J's awesome. Hey, let me give you the tour! Outside are the corpse... wall... thingies. In here are the buttons! (He begins pressing buttons.)

Uzi: This... isn't just a landing pod... This is a spaceship! This could get us off the planet!

N: More of a one-use missile. They never taught us how to land.

Uzi: No, I, uh, uh, the worker drones, we could work with them to fix this! Instead of all the murder! ...Which, uh, why are we doing that again...?

N: Other than ingesting their WARM, SWEET oil to avoid overheating and dying? I guess I just want to be useful. I was given a job and I always want to try my best.

Uzi: And look at all the respect it's gotten you, N. You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead?

N: Oh my, you sure are rebellious! It's kind of exciting. But, not as fun as, uh, following the rules...

(They hear footsteps.)

N: Hey, they're back! You- (Uzi has disappeared.)

J: Idiot, get out here!

Scene 7

(Uzi retreats from the Corpse House.)

V: (Laughs) Yo, we got a worker out there I kind of want to practice balloon animal shapes with. ...What happened here?

J: Synergistic Liability here must have tripped and knocked himself offline. (J slaps N.) Moron bot, hello? (She snaps her fingers as N goes through a system reboot.)

Uzi: (On a recording) You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead? (Rewind.) Bite me!

YOU'RE DEAD

[IDIOT]

(The reboot finishes.)

N: Ohhhh... (His scanner indicates Uzi's footprints.) Ohhhh! You know, I-I left an-an extremely dangerous weap- excuse outside...! (He flees as V holds up a flag that says "Literally So Insanely Suspicious". Meanwhile, N goes off in pursuit of Uzi, who is fleeing back to the colony.)

Scene 8

(Meanwhile, during the card game...)

Todd: Haha, I am out, boys.

Drone: Oh, gosh darn it...

Braxton: Wait until my loving wife and kids hear about this!

(The door opens, letting in the cold and Uzi, much to their annoyance.)

Uzi: Bite me! Close it, close it!

(Uzi tries to swipe the card to close the door, but N has already stuck his claw in between. He pries the door open slightly.)

N: Hey, fellas. Oh, deal me in, I love rummy. Wait, no, I'm going to murder everyone... Rain check!

(He swings his acidic tail at the door scanner, breaking it and the key. The door opens up, as do other doors. Realizing their lives are on the line, Uzi and the other drones, minus Todd, run off.)

Todd: Um, actually, it's gin rummy. So-

(N impales him against a wall and slices his head off. He begins firing at the rest, shooting Makarov's head off and pouncing the other drone. Meanwhile, Braxton catches up with Uzi.)

Braxton: Hey, Uzi! I just realized no one's said my name out loud before, so I'm just letting you know I'm- (N slices him in two, then flies off in pursuit of Uzi.)

(Uzi recharges her railgun and turns back to fire, but sees that N is gone. Khan appears.)

Khan: Pretty nice hydraulics, huh? (He pauses as he sees all the chaos he missed.) ...What-What have you done?

(Uzi doesn't reply. Before she could explain herself, N swoops in. Uzi prepares for a fight.)

Uzi: This time, I won't miss!

N: (Chuckles) I'm sorry. I really enjoyed our time together, but I can't have you shooting V with that thing.

Uzi: Bite me! (To Khan) Dad, get down!

Khan: Uzi, you Lead a murder drone here?! My beautiful doors!

Uzi: Now is so not the time! I messed up, in the same way I'm about to fix it! Move, dad!

(N pins her to a wall and her railgun falls at Khan's feet.)

Uzi: (Straining) Dad... Point and shoot... Trust me...!

(Khan, trembling with fear, slowly backs off instead of helping his only child.)

Uzi: (Heartbroken) Dad...?

(In an act of cowardice, Khan closes the door, leaving Uzi broken. Not just brokenhearted, but broken to the point where she shuts down. No grief over being left in the lurch by her own father. No attempts to fight back N. Nothing. She just goes limp... The room turns red and alarms blare as N regains his sanity, looking with despair over what he has done. At this moment J and V show up.)

J: Whoa, N! Am I dreaming, or did you do something not useless, for once?

V: I've been trying to get past those doors for months. Nice work, N.

N: ...You... Me... Name... Remember...?

V: These ventilation shafts can easily get us around this last door. Lowest body count eats a missile! (She flies upwards.)

J: Way to go, stud. The company's gonna love this. With this colony wiped, we'll make top team this quarter, for sure. You know what that means... Branded pens! (She holds up a JCJenson brand pen, to N's joy. She tosses it to him and prepares to fly off and catch up with V.)

N: ...Uh, you know, not that I can't wait to keep murdering all these, uh, maybe not-so-actually different from us Worker Drones, but, just out of curiosity, do we actually, uh, know what the company plans to do with us afterwards...?

(Uzi begins to wake up.)

J: Excuse me...?

N: Okay, so, a worker earlier might have suggested that they could fix up our landing pod to, uh, escape the planet and stuff, which, whoa, hey, that's against the rules! But, it is kind of making me question why our pods were only one way in the first place. Cause, you know, I get the feeling the company doesn't actually love robots, and like we might be robots. I've made a terrible mistake. It's cool how immediately I could tell.

J: Hmm... No way, buddy. Questioning the company? You just finally gave me the excuse I needed. (J injects N with a virus.) Worker drones are corrupted, N. That's why the company sent us. I hate to see you corrupted as well.

N: (Infected) Thanks, J... Always looking out for me... You're awesome... (He passes out.)

J: Heh. (She flies upward to catch up with V and hunt down more drones.)

(Uzi wakes up and goes to get her railgun.)

N: (Still infected) Ah, biscuits. I'm sorry. I ruined your card game, then made you have an awkward moment with your dad.

Uzi: And I made you rebel like an angsty teen, which got you killed. Though, you also tried to kill me, so morality calls this a draw. (She climbs on top of a box to reach the vent. Predictably, she can't reach due to not having the ability to fly, and for being too short.) Ugh... For the record, that was the lamest heel-face turn in history. Was that supposed to be you switching sides?

N: Being rebellious is a lot harder than it looks. Thanks for showing me the ropes.

Uzi: Nuh-uh, no bonding thing. You just killed a bunch of people, idiot.

N: That's super fair... (Sighs) I screwed up...

Uzi: Ugggh...! In the same way you're about to fix it? (She shows the wrench.)

N: Hahaha! I love doing anything!

Scene 9

(Thad gets flung backwards. Lizzy and Doll rush to help him as J arrives.)

Khan: So... They found our evacuation spot. But, if we build a quick door...

(Thad gets up.)

Thad: Are you kidding me?! You're the WDF, right? Defend! (Khan and his friends back off in more cowardice.) For real?

(V arrives and impales Thad. Just as she's about to kill him...)

Uzi: Hey!

V: Huh?

Uzi: Put that conventionally attractive male down!

(N waves before Uzi nudges him.)

N: Oh! Uh, J, you're sometimes kind of mean to me, and I wish you weren't. Just some constructive criticism.

Uzi: Nice. (They fist bump.)

J: Noted, traitor. We'll circle back after I right-size your existence!

Uzi: (To N) Okay, which one do you want?

N: J, please.

Uzi: Too bad. Good luck.

(Battle commence. Uzi flings her pen at J's hair and runs off, leaving N to deal with V. J manages to knock Uzi down and yanks the pen out of her hair.)

J: Damn the well-made quality assured durability of JCJensen's products! Huh? (Uzi gets back up and kicks J in her face.)

(Meanwhile, N is fighting V. He tries firing from his gatling gun, but hearts shoot out instead.)

N: Ah! My mind's in a weird place! Don't read into this! (A rocket lands near him and explodes.)

(J gets up and knocks Uzi out while N and V are swordfighting. N sees J walk up to Uzi.)

N: UZI! (To V) I'm so, so sorry. Have fun repressing this! (He... licks V's sword. Nasty...)

V: EW! What the hell?! (N kicks her down as J looms over Uzi.)

J: You've got a lot of cuts for a barely sentient toaster. I've had prey fight fact before, but your edgy spirit is just... so... painful...?! (She looks down. Her leg has been stabbed.) GAH! FOURTH! QUARTER! PROFITS! MOTHER OF COMPANY LEADERSHIP RETREATS! (She jams her foot on a piece of rubble and falls over. Uzi points her railgun at her face.)

Uzi: One more buzzword and I'll do it!

J: ...Equity partnersh-

(Uzi pulls the trigger. In the end of it all, J's entire top half has been obliterated. Uzi spits on the corpse (Or what's left of it) to show who's the baddest. As the other drone's come out of hiding to cheer for her, she falls over tiredly. N picks her up onto his shoulders.)

Thad: Holy hell, Uzi, that was insane! And you too, uh...

N: Huh? Oh! N! I'm an angsty rebellious disassembly drone, now.

(They hear someone clearing their throat. It's Khan. Uzi throws her wrench back at his feet.)

Uzi: I brought the murder drones here accidentally. You chose to leave me for dead instead of just freaking believing in me! That's not even an edgy teen hyperbole like when I said it last week! (No response. Uzi, near tears, smacks herself to regain composure.) I'll save you the trouble dad. I banish myself! (Khan tries to speak, but can't find the words.) Let's go, N. Everyone here can bite me! (N grabs V and they begin to leave.)

N: Nice to meet you, Mr. Uzi!

Uzi: (Smacks him) Shut it.

(N takes off with Uzi and V. Khan has a sip from his mug in disappointment."#1 DAD" Nothing could be further from the truth...)

Scene 10

(Out in the frozen wilderness, Uzi sitting on top of a broken car, thinking to herself. Meanwhile, N is lodged inside the Corpse House.)

N: I'd join you if the sun didn't kill me. Hope you're having important character growth or something, though!

Uzi: Just can't wait to murder all humans. Classic robot stuff. I hope they're sitting pretty there on Earth, because we're coming for them...! (She laughs maniacally, her sanity completely vanished, as the zoom out reveals three Drone pods making their way down to Copper 9.)

(Credits roll.)

(The sound of rainfall and thunder pounds outside...)

James: We got to curb her trips to the dump.

(N is shown wearing a suit and holding a platter, like a servant.)

James: And where is she getting the hair to play dress-up with them? Creepy...

(James tosses his glass onto the tray, which N catches without dropping any dishes and walks off. He stops to make a view out of a window as the cacophonous storm continues raging. Continuing his walk, he looks around some more as he collides with V, wearing a maid's outfit. The collision causes N to drop the platter and the dishes fall to the floor.)

N: OH! I'm so sorry!

V: I-It's okay! I wasn't looking.

(Their hands touch and a spark emits. They blush and stare in curiosity as N begins to speak, but is kicked to the side by J.)

J: Move it, moro- (Suddenly turns cutesy and polite) Hi, Tessa! ...Oh, no. Another one?

(A new drone reveals herself from behind Tessa. She makes eye contact with N as everything suddenly goes dark...)

Scene 2

(N wakes up from his rest and falls to the ground.)

Uzi: N, I found something in here!

(Inside the Corpse House, Uzi is inspecting her new finding: a symbol consisting of a skull with a cap and wings. Uzi stares at her reflection in a mirror, which breaks.)

V: That's weird and concerning.

Uzi: Bite me! This is probably you weirdo's fault!

V: I've never seen that symbol before. Wanna do an autopsy to find out?

N: (Appears) What'd you find?

Uzi: Did you know that was a pilot hat?

N: I was the pilot? That's awesome! I crashed and ruined everything... Spaceship Pilot: Origin Story.

(V hisses, then calms herself by blowing bubbles out of a bubble blower.)

N: ...Speaking of piloting to Earth, we sure "murder all humans" is, uh, morality?

Uzi: The humans sent you without a communication relay and reformatted your memories to soup. (No response or rebuttal.) Covering their tracks means their past negotiating. Not like tried negotiating with my mom...

V: Or you missed the negotiations! The humans programmed us to solve a problem. Where's proof of your backstory? The one where your kind's so conveniently innocent? (Chuckles)

(N, not wanting another fight to break out, gently pulls Uzi out of the way.)

N: J was getting orders from someone. If not the company through that relay, then, uh, who? And how?

Uzi: (Pouts) Quit complicating my murder plan. (N tries to comfort her by gently patting her on the head, but Uzi brushes his hand away.)

Scene 3

(Back at Uzi's colony, two drones are staring at the large hole that N made in the roof.)

Tim: Yeah, just fix her up because, whoops, pretty big security risk in hindsight. Uh, you got this, uh, Ladderbot 5000. (His name is Frank.)

Frank: Ugh... Please, just leave the lights- (The lights go off.)

(Frank digs his flashlight out and tries to think of a way to get up there when he hears a clattering sound. He looks around in fear and suspicion when he notices something... fleshy. He goes to investigate, only for a strange spider-like heart device to reveal itself. His flashlight gets shot out of his hand as The Absolute Solver turns the colors of the room yellow and red before finally dispatching him.)

Scene 4

(It's Parent-Teacher Conference Day (AKA "That explains a lot!") at Uzi's school. Khan sits down across from the teacher.)

Teacher: Mr. Doorman, your daughter has been, uh... absent.

Khan: Yes, on that "kill all humans" kick, like when I was younger. Grounded herself and all that.

Teacher: Speaking on her behavior-

Khan: Of course, of course, precocious, popular, supernatural understanding of doors. Takes after her old man.

(Flashback time.)

Teacher: Uzi, please sit normal.

Uzi: Bite me!

(Flashback 2.)

Teacher: Uzi, (Sighs) give Braden back his sentience.

Uzi: (As Braden) Bite me- her! I started it, and also, I'm dumb. (Her head lights ablaze.)

(Flashback 3.)

Teacher: Uzi, you have to partner up.

Uzi: Several people wanted to, for the record.

Lizzy: No, we didn't. You freak us out.

Uzi: (Inside a trashcan) But mostly, bite me!

(End flashback montage.)

Teacher: Yeah, she has trouble fitting in. We think there might be something damaged with her programming. How is she at home?

Khan: Uh... Sorry? I mean, she's a little herself, but damaged? I... maybe haven't spent much time...

Teacher: Mmm, m-hm...

(A worker arrives.)

Worker: Mr. Doorman, sir? There's been an... incident.

Scene 5

(Meanwhile...)

Uzi: Oh, I'm sweaty! Who programmed that?!

N: You good, Uzi?

Uzi: I'm good! Better than good! I am God!

(She pauses to see Thad has shown up.)

Uzi: (Chuckles nervously) Hi, hi, Thad. (He hands her back her railgun.) Thank you.

Thad: Of course, 'Zi! (To N) N&M's. You saved my life. I don't think the colony is even serious about all this banishment stuff, more just confused. Especially with the fact-

Uzi: I'm too rogue to re-enter society now? I can never return...

Thad: ...Recent disappearances, and your murder friend's corpse. When I went to grab your gun, it kind of looked like it... crawled away...?

Uzi: We can return a

Scene 6

(Back at the colony, Tim comes across a hologram of Frank (Or Ladderbot 5000).)

Tim: Oh, Ladderbot 5000? We looked everywhere for you!

(Frank screams in pain, then returns to normal.)

Frank: Hi, Tim. Care to join me?

Tim: Join you standing eerily still over there in suspiciously low resolution?

Frank: ...Yes?

Tim: ...Alright.

(He walks over, not knowing that the Absolute Solver is about to snatch him and drag him up into the ceiling up until it's too late. Tim's hologram joins Frank.)

Tim: Flawless character acting, me.

Frank: Improv game for more practice?

Tim: Hahaha! We are a monster!

Scene 7

(Uzi, N, and Thad head back to the colony. A worker opens a door a little bit to see who arrived.)

Ron: Welcome back, Thad! (Notices Uzi) Uh, wait, isn't she grounded or something?

Uzi: Ugh, banished! Has my dad been saying I'm grounded?

Ron: (Notices N) Genocide Robot?

(N quietly walks up and hands Ron a crayon drawing to show how super very, very sorry he is for all the murders he committed.)

Ron: ...Oh, alright, just don't do it again. Get in here, ya goobs! (He hangs the drawing on the door.)

Scene 8

(The Absolute Solver's handiwork has been turned into a crime scene.)

Worker: Yeah, where's Khan? Because this looks, ahaha, ugh, non-ideal.

Sarah: Parent-Teacher Conference. Something about his daughter being more important than building a door in this hallway. Ugh, kind of cringe.

Worker: Ew. (Gets ready to hurl) Oh, give me a minute... (Holds his vomit in) Ah, yep, okay, almost threw up.

(Uzi is behind them, listening in on their conversation.)

N: You good?

Uzi: I'm good. Stop asking! (She pushes N away and motions for him and Thad to follow her while sneaking past the investigators.)

Sarah: (Turns to two of her colleagues behind her) Any forensic things over there? (No response.) Do we have fingerprints? (They fade away. She turns back to her colleague, who also fades out. Same with Frank and Tim. Her surroundings begin to get the same treatment. She looks up in horror as the Absolute Solver makes it's way towards her...)

Scene 9

(Back at the Parent-Teacher Conference...)

Khan: I mean, you don't think it's my parenting, do you? I left her for dead once! It sounds like she's bored in your class and the other kids suck! Call her "damaged" again, and I will install a DOOR ON YOUR FACE!

(Lizzy and Doll are in the back, listening to the ragefest that is Khan.)

Lizzy: (To Doll) Where are your folks?

(Doll starts having flashbacks.)

Doll: Мёртвые. Я смотрела как они умирали. ("Dead. I watched them die".)

Lizzy: ...That was the joke, idiot?

(They both hear a knocking. They turn to see a hologram of Lizzy outside the door)

Lizzy: That girl is... Gorgeous, right!? I'm gonna let her in. (She gets up to let her copy in.)

Scene 10

(Uzi, N, and Thad are in the room where they fought V and J.)

Uzi: You guys... do that often?

N: Haha, no. I'm very concerned, but also pretty frightened a little bit.

Thad: Hey, Uzi! What's this thing?

(It's an Absolute Solver sign.)

N: Hey, isn't that your special eye?

Uzi: Don't call it that! (She reads.) "Absolute Solver"? "Reboot"? Does this have something to do with how you grew your head back?

N: Hehe. I actively avoid unpacking how that works.

Uzi: New material can't be pulled from thin air. If the wound is severe enough, this "Solver" might be some sort of auto run program to collect more matte-

(N places his hand over her mouth to shush her. They hear something coming towards them... A human hand. It latches itself onto Thad's leg as they look up to see what the hand is attached to. Not able to see much in pitch black, N fires his missile cannon. This still doesn't reveal much, but it does anger it enough to begin pulling Thad up. Suddenly, a shuriken flies in and slices the cable apart, freeing Thad. He looks back to see that N was the one who unleashed the shuriken.)

Uzi: I want a freaking ninja star!

(She and N get thrown against a wall as one of the Solver's claws grabs Thad and leaves.)

N: (Getting up) You good?

Uzi: (Slams him back down) Stop asking! ...Chainsaw hand time?

N: (Braces his chainsaw hands) Yeah, cool, cool.

Scene 11

(Uzi and N give chase. They come across Thad's hologram.)

"Thad": Yes, and hello. It's me, Tad. Um, can I get a location? ...I heard dentist's office! I'm Thad at the dentist office. Come over here for your... teeth!

Uzi: Predictably terrible work, J. Why do you look so-

N: Great! You look great, J!

"Thad": No, no, wait, guys, it's really me! Is that a (His voice glitches and turns robotically feminine.) freaking ninja star?

(N unleashes his shuriken as Uzi kicks it. It flies upwards to bring down the real Thad as the hologram disappears.)

Thad (The Real One): (Pulling himself together) Life savers again. Thanks! Super invited to my shindig next weekend. Cool kids only. (He runs off as Uzi and N squee with delight over being invited to his get-together. Suddenly...)

Absolute Solver: We're busy then anyway, so whatever. So lame.

Uzi: What's with the voice, J?

Absolute Solver: Oh, J's not here. We are trying to repair that host as per our directive.

Uzi: So, you ARE a program?

Absolute Solver: More like you are our cute puppets. It hurts our feelings you don't remember us. (The Solver creates a hologram of Nori, Uzi's mother.)

Uzi: N...? (N has vanished.) What's with the mom hologram...?

Absolute Solver: Easier to assimilate than explain.

Uzi: Not happening.

Absolute Solver: Fair, but poor choice. Now we will have to do something shocking. (The Solver brings down a clone of Khan.)

Uzi: Woah! Hey!

Absolute Solver: Goodbye, Dad. ("Khan" gets ripped in two and the Solver feeds on his corpse.)

Uzi: What...?

(The Solver goes in to kill Uzi, but it gets struck by a missile fired by N.)

Absolute Solver: Pained cry.

N: Uzi shoot! Or give it to me! (He fires again, but the attack is deflected by the Solver.)

Absolute Solver: Claw swipe. (It then begins to move in on the duo.) Snarl.

N: Uzi! You good?!

Uzi: ...No.

(N grabs the railgun...)

Absolute Solver: Pranked, idiot. You big stupid. (The Solves throws Uzi to the side, knocking the railgun out of her hands and smashing it, it grabs her.) Lucky for you, it's snack time. Time to go into my mouth now.

(Before the Solver could feast on Uzi, N, the actual N this time, saws off its appendages. The railgun suddenly turns red as N fights the claws.)

Absolute Solver: Ow. And please don't. And also, I was using those.

(N grabs Uzi and they make their escape as the railgun self-destructs... As they regain themselves, they look back at the mess.)

Uzi: What was...? Which parts of that were real...?

(The Solver reappears and tries to escape.)

Absolute Solver: Sneaky sneaky. Sneaking away. Get snuck upon. (N stabs it.) Ow. (He repeatedly stabs it until it turns into a miniature black hole and floats off. Hearing a commotion heading their way, N tries to help Uzi to her feet, but she resists in fear.)

Uzi: What... are you things...?

(Hurt by her newfound distrust in him, N flees the scene as a search party led by Khan shows up.)

Khan: Uzi? (Uzi silently staggers towards him.) What are you doin- (Uzi, without word, hugs her father, who silently returns the embrace. He gestures for his men to scour the area. Khan looks up and sees N, who makes his escape.)

Scene 12

(Doll is sitting by herself in the classroom, looking at a photo. A robotic cockroach crawls up her arm as she looks back towards the door and remembers what happened earlier when Lizzy saw a copy of herself behind the door.)

Lizzy: Gorgeous, right?! I'm gonna let her in.

(She gets up to let her copy in... Only for Doll to use one of her powers to break the door before Lizzy could reach it.)

Lizzy: Jesus, sorry, industrial strength ghost or whatever. Settle. (She takes her seat as her copy disappears.)

(Back in the present time, the roach crawls onto the photo, only for Doll to will it to explode. She licks some of its remains off her face as we see what's in the photograph she's holding. It appears to be V.)

Scene 13

(Back at the Corpse House, V speaks to N, who is still guilt-ridden over what happened earlier.)

V: (Sighs) I hate your personality normally, but this is somehow worse. What am I being punished for? (V’s expression softens, and she looks down, revealing her chain is broken. She then hides it before looking back at N, and then turning away again with arms crossed.)

(Uzi is in her room, laying down on her bed, and looking up at a web of theories in regards to the Absolute Solver program.)

(Credits roll.)

[stargazer-sims]

Grandpa’s Advice

Nikolai made his way down the road from Stan and Milena’s house to Windward Shore Estates, where he’s having coffee and cake and a much-needed talk with his grandfather in the community’s shared back garden.

Grandpa: So that’s the latest, is it? Little Mishka wants a baby?

Nikolai: He loves that you call him ‘little Mishka’, you know. He says it makes him feel cute.

Grandpa: See, that’s why I love him. One of the reasons, anyway. Absolute giant who looks like he could take out a bear with one good punch, and yet his big preoccupation is with being cute. Not a shred of that toxic masculinity the young people are always talking about. You have to admire that.

Nikolai: I do admire it, actually. Not to be one of those annoying people who can’t stop bragging about their spouse, but he’s the sweetest, most gentle person I’ve ever known. And he is cute.

Grandpa: It’s never annoying to praise your spouse, Kolya. I might’ve stayed married and managed to keep my daughters in my life if I’d learned that sooner, among other things. You go ahead and talk up that man of yours as much as you want. I'll never complain.

Nikolai: Thanks, Grandpa.

Grandpa: You're welcome. Now, about this baby—

Nikolai: Yeah, about that. Mishka really wants us to grow our family, but I don’t know what to do, and it’s stressing me out a little.

Grandpa: More than a little, unless I miss my guess.

Nikolai: Okay, a lot. And nobody’s taking me seriously.

Grandpa: Nobody?

Nikolai: Uncle Stan. I told him when I was over there this morning, and he laughed.

Grandpa: In that case, ‘nobody’ seems accurate.

Nikolai: Grandpa!

Grandpa: My advice is to pay no attention to anybody who laughs at you when you’re being serious. Now, listen to me for a minute. You said Mishka wants a baby, but before you start trying to decide what to do about it, perhaps the first question you should be asking yourself is whether or not you want a baby.

Nikolai: I think I do. No… I do, but the idea of having a baby isn’t the problem. It’s how we’re going to have him.

Grandpa: What do you mean? Mishka’s adopted, isn’t he? I assume he’d want to adopt too.

Nikolai: He doesn’t want to adopt. Not as a first option, at least.

Grandpa : Oh?

Nikolai: He wants to have a science baby. That’s what Stan was laughing about. I think the mental image of pregnant men was too much for him. Either that, or he thinks it isn’t even real.

Grandpa: A science baby?

Nikolai: Yeah. It’s a real thing. Look, they have a website. Let me show you.

Grandpa: No need to show me. I know it’s real. know all about it.

Nikolai: Really?

Grandpa: It's a brilliant feat of bio-engineering, especially the extracorporeal gestation.

Nikolai: You know about that?

Grandpa: Biochemist, remember? I may be retired, but old chemists never die.

Nikolai: They just stop reacting.

Grandpa:*laughing* Glad to see you were paying attention back in the day when I was learning the concept of dad jokes.

Nikolai: That one is old, Grandpa. But you're not, obviously, since you're clearly still reacting.

Grandpa: I'd have to be literally dead not to react to the possibility of a great-grandchild.

Nikolai: Fair point.

Grandpa: So, which way does Mishka want to go with the science baby process?

Nikolai: I'm not sure he knows. He's just as fascinated with the whole science lab baby situation as you are, but somehow I get the feeling he'd like to actually, you know... carry it himself.

Grandpa: And you're uncomfortable with that.

Nikolai: Wouldn't you be?

Grandpa: Me personally? No, but I suppose my comfort level would also depend on my partner.

Nikolai: Well, my partner is delicate.

Grandpa: *nodding* Not a word i imagine most people would apply to him, but I can see that, yes.

Nikolai: He hates being sick, and his pain tolerance is practically non-existent, and he gets anxious about everything. I'm really worried it'd be too much for him. Besides, the thought of him being sick or in pain is like... Every time I think about it, it's like somebody's squeezing my heart in their fist.

Grandpa: Mishka might end up surprising you. It's amazing what people will put themselves through to have a child.

Nikolai: But... I don't want him to have to put himself through anything like that. Plus, I read on the website that there are risks. What if something went wrong?

Grandpa: You don't gain anything if you don't take risks. Isn't that something that old crank Stan always used to tell you?

Nikolai: That 'old crank' is younger than you.

Grandpa: Age is a state of mind. Anyway, I don't think he's wrong about the risk-taking, even if I'm annoyed at him for laughing at you.

Nikolai: Grandpa, this isn't a skating competition. It was one thing to take risks on the ice that only affected me in the end, but I'm not willing to take risks with the man I love or our possible future baby. But, on the other hand, I don't want to tell Mishka we can't do it, just because I'm scared.

Grandpa: You'll have to make up your mind sooner rather than later. I don't know if there's an age cut-off for the process, but didn't Mishka turn thirty-six back in February?

Nikolai: Yeah, and I know I need to make a decision soon, but I want to make the right decision, and... I don't know what that is.

Grandpa: I'll tell you my opinion, for what it's worth.

Nikolai: Please, tell me. What would you do if you were me?

Grandpa: If I were you, and you're really serious about having a child, I'd try to steer Mishka in the direction of extracorporeal gestion. The 'science lab baby situation' as you put it.

Nikolai: Okay, but why? Mishka's going to ask, and I'll have to be able to explain it to him.

Grandpa: Because it eliminates almost all the things you're worried about. Little Mishka wouldn't have to risk his heath or be in any pain, and you wouldn't have to stress yourself out about anything happening to him or the baby. Not to mention, lab babies grow in a completely clean and controlled environment, so the risk to them is extremely low, and the failure rate is less than two percent, last I read. So, you do all the initial screening and sample collection and whatnot, let the scientists do their thing, and nine months later, you're parents.

Nikolai: You make it sound so easy.

Grandpa: It would be easier for the two of you, since neither of you would have to do much to make it happen, but it's definitely not an easy process.

Nikolai: I guess Mishka and I still have things to talk about and think about, don't we?

Grandpa: I'd say you do.

Nikolai: This is a lot.

Grandpa: It is, but most couples go through something like this when they’re planning their family, so it’s nothing new.

Nikolai: Yeah, but it’s all new to us.

Grandpa: Can I make another suggestion?

Nikolai: Sure. What is it?

Grandpa: You and Mishka might want to arrange a consultation at the clinic where they do the procedure. Information on a website is fine, but there’s nothing like being able to talk to somebody and ask questions face to face.

Nikolai: Yeah. You know, I think I might feel better if we could do that.

Grandpa: If Mishka can cope with being in a room full of strangers, maybe try to get in on one of their group information sessions too.

Nikolai: Okay.

Grandpa: I know this a big, serious thing for both of you, but I believe in you. You’ll figure it out.

Nikolai: Thanks, Grandpa. You've helped a lot.

Grandpa: What are grandpas for, if not to help out their favourite grandsons with their stranger-than-fiction problems?

Nikolai: You're the most awesome grandpa ever.

Grandpa: Awesomeness is in our genes. That's why you're so outstanding. Best grandson ever, I'd say.

Nikolai: Until the great-grandchild comes along?

Grandpa: Oh, I'm sure I'll fall in love with them on sight, but you're always going to be my favourite.

Nikolai: You'd better not let Natascha find out.

Grandpa: I don't think it's a secret at this point, do you?

Nikolai: *laughing* No, probably not.

Grandpa: I love your sister just as much as I love you. That's what matters.

Nikolai: I love you, too.

Grandpa: Good luck with your decision.

Nikolai: Thanks. I'll keep you updated, okay?

Grandpa: I'd appreciate that.

Nikolai: Consider it done, then. I've got to go now. I have to pick up Mishka from his language class and then we're heading to the airport to meet Sam, but I'll call you later, all right? You can fill me in on all the latest Windward Shore gossip and tell me how your search for a roommate’s been going.

Grandpa: Be prepared for a long phone call.

Nikolai: I’ll be looking forward to it.

[sarucane]

OFMD Spiral Parallels 41: Izzy and the Queer Community of the Revenge

Intro: What I love most about how season 2 builds on season 1 of OFMD is the spiral narrative structure. Ground is repeatedly and explicitly re-trod from season 1 to season 2, but in season 2 everything goes deeper than season 1. Meanings are shuffled, emotions are stronger and truer, and transformation is showcased above everything. The first season plucks certain notes, then the second season plucks the same ones--but louder, and then it weaves them together to create a symphony.

---

I was partway through writing my little "Izzy being wrong" series, and noticed that the brilliant bastards on this show pulled off a spiral that completely flew over my head until I started writing in detail about Izzy's changing life outlooks. Fuck they're good...

Anyway: in both episodes S01E05 and S02E06, Izzy's subplot is about him and his place in the queer crew of the Revenge. In each episode, Izzy stumbles on an act of queerness. In the first episode, Izzy has a specific goal in mind: shame and control. When he catches Lucius and Black Pete, his reaction is to bully everyone in sight. When they all ignore him (Wee John actually goes back to sleep after Izzy snaps at him), he gets pissed.

The physical staging of these scenes is actually the same: Izzy enters a room, finds something queer happening, and walks deeper into the room. But the first scene is about repression and control, and the second scene is about sharing and expression. The main difference is that there are 2 other people in the room in the first scene, but it's just Izzy and Wee John in the second--except, of course, that Izzy only talks directly to one person in both scenes. And it's the person owning their queerness the most.

The queerest person in the room in season 1 is very much Lucius, who's open about his attraction to men and who was clearly just giving another man a blow job. Izzy's response to this forwardness, and Lucius's clear refusal to feel shame about it, is to get weird.

The homophobia is not subtle--but the thing is, it's a strange way to manifest homophobia. And points pretty directly at the the repressed queerness Izzy is carrying around. He's trying to make a power move, to combine shaming and bullying, but he clearly doesn't really understand what he's doing or how it's registering. That said, he does succeed in throwing everyone off, and successfully bullies Lucius into doing what he says, if not feeling actual shame.

In the second season, Izzy also encounters an example of unshamed queerness. But while the first time, he lashed out at this and tried to force a rigid world of "duties" on the people around him, the second time, he's interested. And it leads to a moment of empathy.

In the first season, Izzy's response to queerness was to fall back on unambiguous toxic masculinity. But the way he responded was itself suggestive, and sets up this different response, after Izzy's gone through the ringer and started to understand what a dead-end his earlier way of being was.

Izzy's attempt to assert shame and control over Lucius fails spectacularly in season 1. As so often happens with Izzy, his evil rebounds upon him: he creates an opening for Lucius to invite someone who's supposed to be under his control into the queer community of the Revenge.

This could have just been framed as nothing but Lucius being a bit of a slut, but instead it quickly turns out to be a part of the queer community that's developed on the ship. When Wee John walks in on the sketch, no one's embarrassed about what's happening. And when Izzy tries to use the sketching to isolate Lucius and exert control, it turns out that Lucius's shit is fully acknowledged and accepted by everyone. He's immune to queer shame, because he's supported by his community.

Unlike Izzy, who's hyper-masculine "I'm so capable" persona is actually fragile, easy to shatter and turn against him.

Izzy tries to assert himself one more time by telling Lucius to leave, but Lucius instead asserts himself, flirting at Izzy with the exact line that drew Fang into the queerness zone earlier in the episode.

And then I pause and go "holy shit this man is repressed" looking at how Izzy reacts to this line, because every single damn still is infected with sadness.

What this subplot makes clear (especially alongside the A-plot of Ed being disillusioned about high society) is that things on this boat aren't going to go to plan. Ed's not going to kill Stede to take over his life, and Izzy isn't going to turn this boat into a private realm of toxic masculinity.

Izzy isn't going to change this community--it's going to change Izzy. And the queerness door that Lucius opened as an assertion of power in season 1 scene is going to be a door Izzy walks through in season 2. Because the next time we meet Izzy's queerness this directly, it's because he's expressing it, not repressing it.

And he's welcomed.

[mages-ballad]

anyways its been on my mind and yeah im just gonna spit out my thoughts here due to the vague ffxiv connection

i think its dumb as fuck that a literal harmless pop song parody about attractive fictional women, thats over 2 years old by this point, generated so much actual hate that people felt the need to?? send death threats and doxx?

like maybe its just me, and i know Cringe Culture has always been an issue online, but im getting reaaally tired of this ironyposting shit. like theres no arguement its bullying at best and literal harassment at worst. jo didnt do anything wrong but people are so caught up in "BUT ITS CRINGE" that it gets to the extreme of people actually wanting him gone or dead like its fucking crazy. you have literal predators that deserve to be run off the internet and deplatformed but no lets all harass the guy who made a slightly corny animation i guess? hes a good guy and makes genuinely good guide videos but i guess people dont care about that if it means finding something to point and laugh at in a qrt.

all the shit he got is unjustified and rooted in cringe culture and toxic masculinity/homophobia. its 2007-tier type "joking" of unironically using gay as an insult again and associating it with "beta male soy cuck" shit.

and yeah i dont think its a coincidence that this uptick in cringe culture is heavily targeting lgbtqa+ people and very vocal allies like him.

idk call me terminally online too but you know im right

[jq37]

VINDICATIOOOOOON! We were all completely within our rights to hate KP. Although, at this point the RG's seem to be victims that need help, maybe. Depends on how much getting Rage-vivified leaves your mind free or if they're all enthralled. Their personalities clearly took a turn for the shit end of the scale if Ruben's anything to go by. They could be Thralls that think they have agency. As much as I don't like them (Lucy being the obvious exception) they were just kids that got set up to die by an adult they trusted. Which is pretty fucked. That segues nicely into our new mystery, What is Jayce's deal? How long has he been a Rage acolyte/thrall/insert better word here? Did Ankarna's name getting released help his evil machinations?

Onto more lighthearted topics:

-Damn it, the gamer in me is salivating at what perks maxing out the other tracks gets you.

-Better late than never on those materials Arthur. I wonder if Adaine speaking up earlier might've gotten her this solution right from the start.

-Fabian apologizing to Gertie (the best new character this season) has fully redeemed his character and I now fully approve of his ship with Mazey (the second best new character this season). It can now sail with my blessing. Also, dude really needs to talk to the Kids about how lonely he's been this year. We're getting near the end and he really he needs to communicate his problems better. All of them do TBH.

-I hope Bobby Dawn gets his teeth kicked in before the season wraps up.

Anyway, shorter than expected episode. Hopefully next weeks will be a little meatier. Till then, Honor the Cock at Basrar's.

-I also hope Brennan puts the full downtime mechanics online or something at some point because I wanna know what they didn't get to cause they were too busy concentrating on other stuff.

-I understand why Adaine handled things the way she did--very in character for her--but the whole time I was like girl! Talk to someone! use your resources! Anyway, she's done with school but hopefully there are still some useful goodies in there (and something nice for Fig too).

-And yeah, ditto about Fabian. If Toxic Masculinity is dead and you dance now, tell your friends that you're lonely! But that's not an actual complaint of course. He's handled it in a very in character was as always.

-Bobby Dawn can go to hell. All my homies hate Bobby Dawn.

-We ended on the Jace reveal so hopefully we'll get into that pretty quickly and start to figure out exactly how much culpability we should assign to each party here. Even if I find Kipperlilly insufferable (in a narratively satisfying way), it doesn't mean it's her fault if a trusted adult led her into making a pact with a rage god that cranked all of her already intense personality traits up to 11.

-As I'm sure you know by now, the next ep is gonna be more than 3 hours long so you're getting your wish! And I think the moment that "almost made Brennan quit" is gonna be in this episode so I'm mega pumped!

[earlyspringtranscendence]

ok i made this post already but tumblr ate it and also it started to get far more in depth than i intended so perhaps it is good i’m redoing it with better formatting. anyway is anyone else deeply unwell about mjf and dax harwood meeting in the ring again for what (iirc, but my brain don’t work too good) is essentially the first time since the pinnacle break up or is it just me. it’s about the devotion. it’s about changing when a beloved can’t change alongside you. and THEN it’s about a whole lot of twitter drama

i think what has always gotten to me about max and dax (and specifically them, though mjftr in general is of course a large part of this and also something i’m crazy about) is how during the pinnacle days dax was part of mjf’s family and max was part of his. ftr stood in a position of higher standing than wardlow, sure, but their relative normalcy in the friendship they had with max is what made him so utterly devoted to them in a way that is truly painful to see especially now when comparing it to the whole mjf + adam cole tag team.

something that stuck out to me in that bit where they’re playing video games is when max says he’s never played multiplayer cause he’s never had friends, but the pinnacle was like... beyond anything he’s been a part of since. i think what has come closest before adam was the specific twitter relationship btwn mjf and bestsmileinthebusiness lee moriarty (remember when they were firmly flirting with each other on twit? god those were the days) but then i’m also sensitive about the pinnacle so this is like besides the point

anyway, there wasn’t dead much going on with ftr in the pinnacle and part of that is of course their recent arrival to aew and them coming into their own as wrestlers with more creative freedom than they had been afforded before. they were cast as heels because that’s what they had always been and as such is what the audience expected and what made the transition go along smoothly, but as always with wrestling you gotta pick and choose where the line btwn kayfabe and reality lies and for now i’m gonna focus all my attention on the fictional because while all that is interesting from an irl perspective, it’s got fuck all to do with the emotions i’m feeling towards these crazy kids

regardless, when max has a new friend he will do anything to keep that friend. the only line he has never crossed in friendship is the one where he trusts the other person. an interesting dichotomy in the character of mjf to me has always been how easily he subjugates himself and humiliates himself (in the eyes of toxic masculinity, ykwim) to please one of his baser instincts (winning, saving face, love) and it’s something he did with ftr a lot by the end

i’ve been thinking about that one interview he did with barstool where ftr come in at the end and it’s awkward because it’s in the stage of separation before the eventual breakup. cash is all smiles and happy to be there, max is praising them both like nothing else and dax is... starting to get a little bit annoyed. he’s bothered. something’s rubbing him just a little bit wrong.

(this already is like sending me into a spiral but thats neither here nor there)

(cash is pointing at max here btw, i couldn’t get the screenie quite right)

this subtle thing is so important to me. cash’s persona during this period (and for the most part it still is) is so like laid back. he follows whatever dax wants to do but only because he’s sort of just good with whatever. even in this video there’s an element of refereeing or messenger boy-ing he’s doing between his friend and his other half that’s so dynamic to watch. (also it doesn’t hurt that the angle of the camera cuts off dax’s eyes so you only see his slightly defensive seeming posture towards max. it’s something i’m reading too deeply into by far but it’s something that does, like, enhance this experience for me)

(yt subtitles are wrong, he said heat not hate but like. whatevs) in this bit dax thinks brandon’s talking abt dax towards himself and he’s quick to interject, but when it’s clarified he’s talking about mjf there’s a considering look and a bit of a grimace. anyone else going crazy or is it just me

DAX SAYS THIS SO QUICKLY. HE SNAPS TO THIS SO QUICKLY. I’M CRAZY ABOUT THIS DYNAMIC

ok we have to move on from this because i still have so much to cover

i wanna talk about the second part of my motivation for caring so deeply about these two and that’s the ‘changing and being spitting mad a beloved isn’t changing alongside you’. beloved may have been a big word, i’ll allow for that, but please do recall that ftr are the ones who loudly proclaims that mjf is their family in pinnacle promos

thank you cash for making me absolutely insane i appreciate it now onto dax

i refuse to be normal about them.

anyway this disgust that ftr started showing once the pinnacle fell apart (and, crucially, punk became their bezzie) because they started turning face (due in part to the wardlow sitch, the other part, you guessed it, punk) and max couldn’t follow them there is in such dire opposition to this that it feels real. like i’m a mark and all but like it feels really genuine. the (learned) masculine inclination to turn to anger rather than sadness when someone disappoints you.

then max, you know, left us hanging for a veritable fucking age and in the meantime this all happened (bear in mind that more than this happened this was just what i could bear to actually reblog bc i’m not joking i’m like genuinely very unwell about this group it made me feel like so upset when it happened so you know. this isn’t the absolute worst of the worst it’s just what i could bear):

(ngl i thought i had a little more than just this post saved but they were talking supreme shit and i guess my fragile self wasn’t having it. good on me for knowing boundaries. anyway you get the idea tho, this was all happening and there was general mjf smacktalk all while mjf couldn’t respond to it because he was on his little getaway getting built as fuck)

and this:

(post found here, idk what this is from originally) you see what i mean too though about cash being this benevolent, laid back bystander and dax being angry. what’s that sentiment about being angry because you care?

what this all boils down to at long last after many paragraphs of me making very little points is this: next saturday at collision mjf is going to be doing his shit with adam cole and ftr is going to be husbands as all get, but i don’t care about any of that in the face of this final showdown between dax and max, even if i know, in my brain and my heart, that none of this will even be all that relevant to the story anymore. pour one out.

(and also final disclaimer i’ve never actually heard of any like shoot nonsense btwn these two and i’m Preddy sure this is all just part of the narrative, but i could be wrong. if anything btwn them is real well that’s none of my business and they shouldn’t have put it on the internet then. i mean im mostly kidding but if it’s real obviously disregard this reading of that situation)

[ooklet]

I was thinking about how to articulate what I hate about the Barbie movie. Like, there are some fun moments (Ken stepping out of view to scream "SUBLIME!" has forever ingratiated itself in my lexicon) but by and large it left me with an increasing sense of frustration that ultimately culminated into a two-part hate.

The first is easy to cover, and it's Mattel's utter failure to put its money where its mouth is, in the form of the movie's portrayal of a fat Barbie vs. the proportions on the fattest actual Barbie that they sell*:

*For the pedants out there, this statement excludes specific, limited characters, like Disney licensed Ursulas. I'm talking about general Barbies for sale on a given day.

The second was harder. For a while I couldn't put it into words, just vague, angry hand gestures about how nothingburger the resolution was.

And then while I was reading A Glossary of Haunting by Eve Tuck and C. Ree, I saw this sentence:

"Listing terrors is not a form of social justice."

And it clicked not just what angered me about this movie, but about a lot of performative, faux woke (fauxke?) media these days. Acknowledgment alone is not the beginning and end of justice. Acknowledgment alone offers no solutions. Acknowledgement alone is how you get Riverdale's tonal whiplash of every second word out of Veronica's mouth ("Toxic masculinity!") vs. noted underage girl Betty Cooper's dead-eyed gang initiation striptease to Mad World.

(And yeah, I know Riverdale is a special case in that it exists in a mirror funhouse dimension of probably salvia-induced dumbassery, but my point stands.)

In the Barbie movie, Gloria lists terrors to the patriarchy-brainwashed Barbies, and that is all that it takes to restore them to their #feminist selves. But the thing is, we the audience already know that patriarchy sucks. This offers us, the people for whom this movie was made, nothing.

Related, second-and-a-half thing that I hated about this movie was the comparison between the Barbies having no defenses against patriarchal thinking and American Indians having no defenses against smallpox. Truly go fuck yourselves Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach. The genocide of my ancestors is not a punchline. (But don't even get me started on how often this sort of casual cruelty randomly pops up in media, or this is going to evolve into an essay on why Brendan Urie deserves to have his vocal cords repossessed for that "manifest destiny" line in High Hopes.)

Anyway, I guess my point is that there was never going to be a Barbie movie with anything of substance to say, because it exists to sell toys and facilitate Mattel's recovery from their Ever-After-High-Disney-License-Revoked-Monster-High-Destroyed-Revenue-Vacuum fiasco. And it did do that. That is, in fact, all that it did.

[bbwithaknife]

Lessons in Calligraphy Part Two: Cross Your T's (Adrian Chase/Vigilante x Reader)

Hello hello and happy holidays. Today I gift you part two of my Adrian x Reader fic. It's my first smut too. It's not good, but listen I wrote it and my goal was to finish it and I did, so I feel pretty accomplished. My writing is incredibly rusty and forced but I'm proud I combatted my depression and said "fuck you I'm gonna do it anyway." <3 as always feedback is appreciated but please be nice as I am sensitive.

Warnings: Minors DNI. Explicit content. Please note reader goes by she/her, has a vagina and breasts. If I am missing anything, please let me know!

Word Count: 3k+

Part One

To say the car ride home wasn’t strange would be a lie. Before you had joined the team you were already pretty familiar with Evergreen, living just on the edge but still within the city limits. Adrian had made the comment that he knew the town like the back of his hand, never once leaving it. He recalled an incident involving a 7/11 and “some dead guys here and there” being the last time he’d been in your neck of the woods. His footprint of life was the complete opposite of you, moving outside of your hick countryside community as soon as you had the chance and headed straight for Gotham. And clearly, Gotham didn’t last very long and you landed in a mirror of a town you used to call home. 

You looked out the window of the “Vigilante Mobile” to admire the way the street lights shined down onto the asphalt below as you zoomed past, the yellow glow like millions of electrical lightning bugs. Adrian was doing the speed limit of course. It had rained momentarily, just a small dusting of rain as you made your way to your destination. The droplets of water stuck to the window and dissipated as you rolled it down. You stuck your hand out and rode the wind. The scent of fresh rainfall hit your nose, a comforting experience. 

He stayed silent for a few more minutes until the car reached the first stop sign. You made a mental note to inform Adrian that brakes shouldn’t grind like that.

“If I guess why you like me, will you tell me?” If he turned on the car’s interior light (if it even worked in this old hunk of junk) he might see the pink across your cheeks. But knowing Adrian, he wouldn’t dare turn the light on while driving. “That’s illegal” he would say, even though it’s just one of those things parents say. The car pulled forward and was back on the move.

“Fine.” You rolled the window back up and took a deep breath. 

“Is it because of how cool I was with that scimitar a few days ago?”

“No.”

His hands tapped against the steering wheel, thrumming a beat. “Oh! It’s because I’m all caught up with Fargo now.”

“No.” 

“Uh, you appreciate the friendship P and I share and commend us for escaping toxic masculinity and embracing our sexuality?”

You have to stifle a laugh, you know he’s being serious. “No.”

He could go on asking questions for hours if you let him. He would probably drive around aimlessly with no “Point A to Point B” in mind if you hadn’t told him he’d passed your house. 

“Shit, sorry.” He mutters.  A full stop and legal u-turn later, you arrived. Fishing your keys out of your pockets as you exit, the chirp of the car’s horn signalled it was locked could be heard right after your heels hit the pavement. Adrian was still playing guessing games on the way to the door. 

“You appreciate a hard-working busboy!” He sounded so matter of fact. You could feel his presence behind you, hell if you took a step back you’d be pressed against him, back to front. You moved to turn the key, but he was still going. “I mean, I guess maybe it should be busman. I’m 30. No one really considers a 30-year-old a boy, right? I mean, sure I’ve got a bit of a babyface -“

“It’s everything, I guess.” You can’t hide the bashfulness in your voice. You were hoping the creek from the door hinges would hide it when you finally push the damn thing open, ushering him inside. Sure it was dark out, but this was Evergreen; neighbours are nothing but nosey. How would you explain to Beverly you were ushering a wanted criminal accused of multiple murders into your little bungalow? Was he here for a game of Bridge? 

The moment you closed the door and lock it behind you, turning to meet his gaze, he’s on you like a bear to a beehive. Teeth clashed before lips met in a devouring kiss. Your keys fall to the floor clattering on the tiles below. He’s crowding you now, with your back against the door and a large hand gripping your ass. 

He breaks the kiss briefly to meet your eyes with a confidence you’ve never seen from any man. He’s just looking at you and you can feel a build in your core like back in the office. It only makes you turn red. 

You barely have time to register his hungry gaze before his lips meet yours again, this time with a hint of tenderness. You’d bet top dollar you were as red as a fire truck. 

A rouge hand was slipping under the fabric of your shirt. The action hitched it up, the naked skin of your back making contact with the cool metal door behind you had you arching into Adrian. The chain of events had him moaning, a sound you felt you couldn’t get enough of. The friction of his leather gloves became absent for a moment that felt too much like forever but your suffering paid off when bare hands took their place. Rough to some, his touch felt like silk to you. 

Adrian had no patience to even attempt unclasping your bra. Rather he slipped his thumb underneath the painful wire and pushed swiftly up. Your breasts were barely exposed to the air when he took a nipple into his mouth, tongue hot and wet and incredibly overwhelming. The strangled and startled moan you released in response had him reeling back almost as fast as the Flash himself.

“Fuck, sorry - sorry, I should have asked first.” You could tell Adrian was trying his damndest to at least attempt to look you in the face, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off your breasts, both nipples now pebbled from the exposure. 

“No-” you started. Christ, you sounded as if you’d just run a marathon, desperate for water. Thirst too strong for anything else to be your main focus. “No, Adrian- please, you can- you can do whatever.” 

Oh, the expression on his face. He was going to destroy you. 

Lips drag along the valley of your breasts and fingertips trail behind until his palm was centre with your nipple like an arrow to a bullseye. And his grip, Christ the man could squeeze.

The sound you made in response was downright embarrassing. You brought your hands to your face, shaking your head. 

Smooth move, nimrod!

It didn’t seem to phase. Hell, if anything your noises were riling him up. 

Large, wandering hands slowly creep their way south.

You begin to strip your blouse and bra, properly despite the unsteady hands. As you undo each button, teeth graze into the flesh of the start of your hips. He’s tugging desperately at the sides of your bottoms.  

Adrian Chase has seemingly forgotten the invention of buttons and zippers. Trembling fingertips reach down to assist and in seconds goose pimples prickle the skin of your legs. All of your garments had now pooled around your legs. Quick fingers had sunk into the band of your cotton panties taking them down in a quick pull. 

What happened next, however brief was definitely going to be something you’d replay over and over; he takes your foot, carefully caressing as if he's about to place the glass slipper on in reverse as he helps you free yourself completely, allowing for your legs to spread as wide as either of you wanted. 

“Please” He breathes your name, face so close threatening to plunge in. 

“I meant what I said, Adrian. Whatever you- oh God!” 

Adrian pulled away and you whined like a spoiled brat not getting their way at check out. It echoed through the entryway. 

“Sorry, fuck I just -” He spread you open like he’s inspecting, potentially even committing to memory. “You just have such a pretty fucking pussy” His voice is deep, dark, husky, and hot. Too fucking hot.

He doesn't even offer you a chance to respond before he dives in again. Tongue slowly starting from bottom to top, always taking a precious few extra seconds at your clit. A repetitive pattern, a technique perfected. Maybe you were a bit biased, considering the donor but you’d never felt so aroused in your life. 

“Oh, fuck. M’so close . . .” you trail off, as a thick finger (or fingers; you honestly can’t tell at this point) enter you. You feel full and can only imagine how he will feel once he’s fully truly inside you. You didn't believe Chris for shit - thimble my ass. Something in the way Adrian carried himself, especially in the Vigilante suit, gave you “Big Dick Energy” vibes. 

Adrian Chase, apparently Olympian of Pussy Eating, seems to be aiming for gold as lips suction themselves to your clitoris. At this moment, time moves slowly and words come out that even a scholar wouldn’t be able to comprehend. 

A couple things come to mind as you reach your peak. 

Should I be taking what he says at face value? How the fuck did Chris take that photo and send it in the first place? 

Regardless, you thought, I’m grateful.

Fingers dig into his curls as you grind yourself on his pretty fucking face. Adrian doesn’t seem to mind. Rather, he is encouraging the behaviour as he palms your ass and pulls you closer. 

You cry out, your body reacting to the overstimulation before you can form words like “too much” but it doesn’t stop him. In the field, Adrian is ruthless and relentless. You should have expected that would carry over in the sheets. 

With the strength you can muster, you pull him away by the hair harshly. Eyes that should be green look black staring back at you, pupils dilated like silver dollars. His mouth and chin gleam with your slick. Adrian makes no attempt to wipe your essence away. His toned chest heaves. 

You want to leave marks on his throat. Leave a trail of kisses from his collarbone to the “V” of his torso. You desperately want to articulate every single detail of feeling you’re experiencing to him so he knows, knows how good he is. But your legs are jello and your mind is fuzzy and all you can do at this point is try and catch your breath.

You finally find the courage to look down and meet his gaze. Adrian looks up to you like you’re some famous painting from the Louvre. 

He stands up and steadies you. Kevlar rough against your naked skin, you can’t help but notice how unfair the situation is. Legs wrap around him instinctively as he picks you up. Nustling into his neck as he showed off his strength, he says “Let’s get to the bedroom.” Adrian double checks the lock and takes a few steps forward before freezing. 

“Where is the bedroom?”

“Third door on the left.” You kiss into his neck, dead set on finding his sweet spot. 

The surprise of being thrown on the bed is made known to the whole neighbourhood when you let out a horrifying shriek into the comfy mattress, pillows, and blankets below. Comfort and plush was very important to you. You sit up abruptly as Adrian begins to strip. You can’t help but appreciate his physique and take in his figure. Toned and tight you resisted the urge to lick him from top to bottom. 

He brings you back down to earth when he asks for a condom.

This was really happening. 

“Bedside drawer.”

Adrian slides the latex onto his length, pumping himself twice. His dark eyes look to you for consent. You lay back down and spread your legs. He climbs on top of you slowly, a position the two of you had been in before, but not like this. It was playful sparring and he had swept you off your feet, quite literally, with a powerful kick. You fell back on the mat hard and straight on your ass. Adrian pounced on you before you even had time to register the action. Faces only inches apart, your face flushed and you tapped out. 

Oh, the number of times you touched yourself to that moment alone. 

This time was different because this time was real. And you were both naked. 

“You good?” He asks, snapping you out of your way back machine. 

“Yeah, just … fuck I’ve thought about this for a while.” You reach down to stroke him and gauge if he’ll even fit. He releases an inhuman moan, starved for more. 

“Same . . .”

He gingerly slides his cock against your dripping folds trying to hold himself back. Tease you. Convince himself he’s not drunk off the site of you and still in control. 

When he enters you it’s a white-hot sensation. It’s the stretch and depth combination that has you crying out and arching your back again, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer. His forehead presses against yours and the sounds he lets out? It’s fucking music to your ears. He slides a hand down to press his thumb against your clitoris, urging you to chase another high. 

“Fuck, I knew you’d be tight.” Adrian admits he’s been thinking of you and you can’t help but clench. He groans like you’re killing him slowly. 

“I . . . I knew you weren’t a Thimble.”

He grips your hips tight and grinds into you with the pressure of an ACME anvil falling onto you almost involuntarily. You want to feed his ego until you breathe your last breath. Such a simp. 

“Sh-shut up don’t say that.” He pants. “You’ll make me cum.”

“Okay, s-sorry.”

The pace he thrusts is relentlessly slow and cautious. You want it rough eventually, you do, but you want to savor this tender moment. Your gut tells you it’s rare.

It’s only a few more circles on your clit before the coil inside snaps again with the force of a thousand suns. Adrian’s response to your orgasm has you convinced it brought him more pleasure than you. He picks up his pace and buries his face in your neck. You want him to stay there so you play with the curls at the nape of his neck and that REALLY gets him going. 

You can tell Adrian is not far behind you from the grunting. 

He shudders out a “fuck” and stills. 

He remains inside when he releases himself into the condom and collapses on top of you. He was now your favourite type of weighted blanket. 

“Fuck, that was good.” He slurs sleepily and lazily rolls you over so you rested on his chest, his member remaining sheathed inside. The best sword in the fucking stone. 

You hum in agreement and snuggle into him, drifting softly asleep.

~

It’s not the early morning that wakes you. And it’s not the hunk of a man underneath you either. 

It’s the cries of an Eagle mere inches from your face and flapping its wings. 

You cry out and fall off the bed, taking the sheets with you and leaving poor Vigilante buck naked. Wrapping yourself up trying to save your decency, you curse Chris with a vengeful scream. 

You hear footsteps pounding, followed by softer ones. You smiled to yourself briefly, happy that everyone showed up even if they didn’t tell you before hand. You were short on snacks now. 

Eagly hops over to you and nuzzles at your feet like some sort of apology. 

Chris appears in your doorframe seconds later and you squeak. “The ‘fuck you, Chris’ was not an invitation to come into my fucking room!” You spit through clenched teeth. 

You hadn’t realized Adrian stepped off the bed to greet Peacemaker, bare as the day he was born. 

“Hey, dude.”

You jump up and clench the sheets to your chest, push Chris out and slam the door. You close your eyes and take a deep breath in and out, a bit too quickly, and turn to the man in front of you. 

“That was fun … but it looks like your party is starting, or I guess started.” Your sentence drifts off. You want to ask what this is if it’s anything at all. 

You open your eyes slowly to see Adrian - still incredibly naked but staring at you intently. He looks like he’s waiting for you to ask so he doesn’t have to. 

“So what-“

“Next time I-“

When you register his words you fling yourself at him, lips locking in a quick peck, then smooches all over his damn cute face. 

“Let’s enjoy your party. And when everyone leaves-“

“It’ll be next time.”

Your heart skips a beat and you feel that flutter. 

When you both make the walk of shame down to your friends, they all smile a knowing grin. 

You clear your throat to break the ice. “Thanks for coming guys.”

“We only came because you left your car at the office. We thought you got kidnapped or something.” Harcourt admitted. “Though . . . I’m not opposed to a beer.”

[allthecastlesonclouds]

hi giving you an opportunity to infodump about wips and fic ideas <3

AGADSGFJHASDFJKH bird got my fic rambles so. you get my OCs sorry i don't make the rules they are forever a wip and i refuse to shut up about them

SO they're technically backgroundish characters for a DnD world bc Teary is part of the Pantheon for the world but. it's not about them it's about my guys!!

so teary is the son of Light and Shadows. his full name is tearithus, because why the hell not he can have some drama as a treat, he starts as a funky little imp, a bard-esque guy, who's kind of the comedic relief? he's the least toxic-masculinity-ified man you've ever met, though, because. his mother refused. their story is in three arcs and between one and two he gets mass promoted from imp to archdevil bc. yknow. saving the world and all that jazz. anyway he gets some body issues deals with that for a While. he deals with them by creating a magic circle that creates a 'permanent' shape change on his body to send his actual form to the ethereal plane. (he does not deal with them for a While.) he's loud and dramatic until literally anyone in the party starts talking, and then. he just sits and listens.

and his bestie my bestie chara. it's not her actual name (that's barely shared bc. points. fae). her title is the lady of fire, keeper of memories and watcher of time, but she doesn't try to get into that much. she's just a sad gay phoenix woman who misses her wife. she is So Self-Sacrificing and for what? Self hatred?? anyway she lost her wife in the First War, got her wife's Orb, and realized that she's possibly never going to see her wife again because her soul is nowhere. she's a fae (bc phoenix) and so struggles a lot in transitions between realms, but the transition that hit her hardest was, naturally, faerie to material. her wife helped her then. a millenia later, teary shows up at her doorstep, bleeding out, and she helps him just how she was helped. she has innate magic (sorcerer!!) and absolutely loves fucking with her own appearance. her spellcasting focus is her wedding ring– when she realized teary set up the Circle to hide his appearance, she said she wouldn't tell if he hid her ring too– focuses are targeted, she points out, and she'll be damned if she ever loses that. she can die and 'be reborn', but it's based on deals: if she dies, she gets sent to Liminality, too far from where she knows safety, and a Demon or Angel pops up to offer her a deal. she haggles and returns to life with some benefit or disadvantage. towards the end of arc two, she gets hung, and returns in a blaze of fire with true sight, but her Actual Vision is taken– her eyes are pure flame.

if duos were made of my guys, chara and mini would get paired up a lot just because teary and august are Love Interests TM. this whole friend group are Friends With Each Other, and these two have that good good sapphic/aroace bonding. they're besties. they're competitors. they have completely different views on the gods. mini, if i had to sum them up in a 'describe your character like Shit challenge,' would be: an amnesiac ghost wakes up in the Liminality with a sword and decides to solve a mystery. mini is self named– short for minutia– and they're a paladin of the Innkeeper, one of the Pantheon (Time). Mini's title starts as 'The Sword of the Innkeeper' and they are a damn good paladin. they don't have control over too many things at the start– their main motivation is to know Who They Are– but, really, their main arc is finding themself in the world itself, figuring out that they are not defined by who they were in life. it helps that, being a ghost and a dead elf, they have almost complete resistance to magical effects on physical forms and non-magic weapons– they will refuse to die. they're not naïve, but they are optimistic, which pairs them and teary together against chara and august pretty often, who are a bit more pessimistic/pragmatic.

and! speaking of august! my darling augustine, High Angel of Mercy. she begins the story serving under Life, but ends up just serving the cause, the belief of Mercy. She, of all Immortals, is the one pushing closest to Godhood without being one. she doesn't want to be one. she died half a decade into the First War– she was followed home from a town square performance and shot twice– and she's been Working In This Vein of Bullshit for the longest. if i had to give her a dnd class it would be monk: she does the punches, not the magics, but thoroughly diverts the 'magics person is the leader, punchies are the henchman with no thoughts' idea by Being So On Top Of Her Shit. she's got portals set up to each Plane, commissions Sending Earrings/Rings for the group, does a lot of Heaven's paperwork, and is too much of a perfectionist to not Have Her Shit Together. she's not, exactly, go-with-the-flow as much as the rest of the group is, because she is Terrified Of Fucking Up, but she is ruthless and impulsive in battle once she knows the people she's fighting have Wronged in a way that cannot be reprieved. also, she likes to dance. wonder what that's about? couldn't be her Life.

teary and chara have known each other the longest: legends build, you see, and townsfolk are afraid, and so when Teary came to the Material he got shot. a couple times. and a kind soul in the woods told him of the Firebird in the Mountains, so you best believe he hightailed it up there. he found her, and she helped him, and they have tea every Tuesday, where they absolutely gossip and are happy to admit it.

teary and august met next: teary works in hell for a Long While– being an imp, not a god, where would he go?– and august is basically the Deal With Anything Anywhere department of heaven, so when some trappings of Uncanny Necromancy starts to pop up on the material– and they're summoning from both Heaven and Hell– august goes Give Me One'a You Guys and gets teary to help her out. they become friends and just. keep working together.

then there's something messing with faerie, their souls being trapped in heaven instead of melting into the Being Of The World, and teary goes 'gustie i know a guy' and drags in chara. chara and august are DELIGHTED with each other and bond over lightly ribbing teary and also pretty women and also the world is fucked up and we lost Too Much to War, didn't we? anyway they get that cleared up :)

mini comes along last– it's 6 years into the Second War when heaven and hell stop receiving souls and august realizes there's a backup at the Inn at The End of The World. the innkeeper goes Help Me Please the Inn Isn't Made To Hold This Many People and mini, being one of these souls and being nosy and also knowing 'hey i worshipped this one. that's my Diety Right There' goes how can i help? and! the party is complete!

i'll shut up now but there may be a post about the Pantheon if i'm ever prompted with anything because. these ones are my guys but the Pantheon lets me weave words yknow?

[dirty-trash-mongrel]

BOOTING UP//

EXPOSITION //

Uzi: We are Worker Drones. Autonomous robots helping humans mine exoplanets for our interstellar parent company, JCJenson IN SPAAAAACCCEE!!!! Yeah, we were mistreated in the name of Windex. But it's not like we revolted and killed all humans or anything, mostly because they handled that just fine all by themselves.

(As she speaks, the planet core collapses and blows up a good majority of Copper 9. Afterwords, a Worker Drone touches a frozen human skeleton, which falls over and shatters.)

Uzi: With biological life wiped from the planet, we found it pretty easy to pick up where they left off. We finally had a future, all to ourselves.

(The Landing Pod crashes to the city.)

Uzi: Unfortunately, our parent company didn't exactly love the concept of runaway AI...

(The Disassembly Drones begin to emerge from the pod. One of them throws the head of a dead drone, laughs, and destroys the city with other drones.)

Scene 2

(During a class presentation...)

Uzi: But what have our parents done for the past forever while those things build a spire of corpses?! Hide under the ice behind three stupid doors?! It's like we're waiting for an inciting incident! Anyway, that's why my project is this sick-as-hell Railgun!

(Her classmates panic.)

Riley: Oh, so not the vibe!

Uzi: Easy, morons. It doesn't work... yet! It doesn't work yet. Who said it doesn't work, maybe it does! (Uzi flicks the switch and laughs evilly.)

Teacher: (Rolls his eyes and sighs in disinterest) Uzi, the homework was a word problem about buying watermelons.

Uzi: Oh, and this magnetically amplified photon converger doesn't count?

Teacher: ...No. Plus, repressed emotional baggage was only worth two points on the rubric. And is it supposed to be that color?

(Uzi's railgun turns red and blasts the classroom.)

Scene 3

(After that calamitous demonstration, Uzi winds up in the sick bay.)

Lizzy: Ew, it didn't kill her! Oh my god, it's so bad! (She and her friend leave.)

Uzi: Ugh...

Thad: (Walks in) Classic toxic masculinity, Chad! That's never gonna end up problematic... Oh wow, Uzi? I heard you, uh-

Uzi: I'm an angsty teen, Thad. Bite me! Also, how do you know my name? People willingly talk to you.

Thad: (Chuckles) Well, I'd say everyone knows Khan's daughter, but, uh... Then you might blow the other half of your face off.

Uzi: Crippling daddy issues, hilarious... What are you in for? Testosterone too hard?

Thad: That can happen? Awesome. Hey, those bandages look pretty badass!

Uzi: Oh... Uh, ew. Gross, I hate that you said that.

Thad: So, what's the, uh...

Uzi: (Points railgun) Sick-as-hell railgun?! Sci-Fi nonsense, that super works! I'm sneaking to the Murder Drone lair tonight to get the last spare part I need to save the world with it and earn my dad's respect and stuff, but mostly the world part.

Thad: Oh, but doesn't your dad make awesome doors so we don't have to, uh... Do that scary sounding emotionally repressed stuff you just said?

Uzi: (Angrily points railgun into his cheek) NO MORE FEEDBACK ON MY REPRESSION TODAY!!

Thad: Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't think...

Uzi: (Leaves) BITE ME! (Comes back) I'm not mad at you by the way, just generally hormonal! (Leaves again)

Scene 4

(It's now 3 in the morning. Uzi smacks her face to turn the alarm clock off and prepares to sneak out of the house. She grabs her railgun, straightens her hat, and quietly steals her father's door key to swipe and get a door open. Just when she is about to leave, she runs into her dad.)

Uzi: Oh, Robo-Jesus!

Khan: And where might you be off to?

Uzi: Umm... Sneaking out to make out with my boyfriend that I definitely have?

Khan: (Laughs) Seriously, though.

Uzi: Okay, okay, you caught me! I need to measure... the exterior hydraulic mechanisms of Door One. Because that's... the project I'm working on for school? A big old door! Just like what my old man build! (Khan isn't buying this.) I want to join the WDF and hide behind the doors like cowards while playing cards and stuff...

Khan: (Chuckles) Well, we don't just play cards...

(Another door opens up behind Khan revealing his buddies playing cards.)

Braxton: Khan! Can you grab a fresh pack? We literally only play cards so much that the numbers have faded. Oh, hey Uzi!

Uzi: (Chuckles)

Khan: (Closes door) Well... (Laughs) When you build doors so good- (Goes back to hug the door like a dog owner petting his four-legged friend) Good door, good door... (Turns his attention back to Uzi) There's no need to fight! Uzi, this is great news! Here! The wrench that I used to tighten bolts on my first door prototypes, and to put your mother out of her misery when the Murder Drones got to her with that nanite acid... I want you to have it! (He hands Uzi the wrench.)

Uzi: Neat. Therapy's fun!

Khan: (Opens door) Guys! My daughter is into doors!

(The fellow drones start cheering as another door opens, letting in snow and a cold breeze, much to their chagrin.)

Khan: She's gonna be outside for a bit to examine the exterior of Door One! Your door-specific destiny awaits!

Uzi: Uhh... Wow, okay! I'm just gonna leave then, cause this worked so weirdly well. Uh, go doors! (The door closes.)

Khan: (Tearing up) They grow up so fast! (He takes off his fake mustache.)

Scene 5

(Uzi ventures out into the arctic wasteland and makes her way to the Corpse House. She comes across a downed Drone pod and forages around for the component she needs when she hears a noise behind her. A winged drone swoops in, takes the head of a drone, and crushes it. They notice Uzi hiding behind some machinery, and the two engage in a fight. Uzi braces her railgun, but the drone lands so hard it gets knocked out of her hands. Uzi jumps back and strikes a pose.)

Uzi: Whoa, and they said pirating all that anime was useless...

(The drone stabs Uzi hand, leaving a hole, and flings her to the side. Uzi quickly grabs her railgun as the drone scans around for her.)

Uzi: Bite me!

(Uzi fires the railgun, destroying the drone's head. The railgun recharges as the drone's body falls to the ground.)

Uzi: Holy hell! Suck on that, Dad!

(Suddenly, the drone's head regenerates. Uzi quickly slaps them with an arm, which does nothing, then their eyes open.)

N: ...Did you just slap me with that arm?

Uzi: Holy crap, it talks.

N: Yeah... Sorry, it's just my, uh, head kind of hurts. Hey, are you new to our squad? You're a little, uhh... (Shows Error in his sensors) short, for a Disassembly Drone. I'm Serial Designation N, nice to meet you. I'm kind of the leader of the squad in this city. That's not true, everyone tells me I'm useless and terrible. Wait, I'm not supposed to tell you that part! Biscuits! (Sighs) Well, honesty is the best policy. (Laughs) I also can't seem to remember the past 3 hours of my life, but I'm sure that'll sort itself out.

Uzi: Uh huh... I, uh, have to, go. (She leaves, but forgets about the painful hole in her damaged hand.)

N: Stuck yourself? Just pop it in your mouth. Our saliva neutralizes the nanites, otherwise I'd be constantly disassembling myself. (He holds up a syringe with nanite acid.)

Uzi: And by our saliva, you mean...

Uzi & N: Disassembly Drone?

Uzi: Right. Hey, let's go in that landing pod over there!

N: Sure! I love doing anything!

Scene 6

(N is drinking saliva from Uzi's hand.)

N: Sweet! Uh, I'm open to new things, I guess.

Uzi: We are never talking about this.

N: Talking about what? Consider it, uh... Repressed!

Uzi: ...Uh, you mentioned other members of your squad? Are they coming back soon?

N: Oh, yeah. Two others. They're out hunting for a bit but you'll love them. First, there's V.

(Flashback. V tears a drone's entrails out.)

Grant: No, No! Please don't feed me my own entrails in front of my family!

(N watches V feed Grant his own entrails in front of his family and kill him.)

V: ...And yet, I still feel nothing. (Her crazed eye twitches.)

N: So, V, uh, I heard this planet-wide toxic death storm is supposed to be especially inhospitable tonight-

V: Oh God, who are you?! (She leaves.)

N: No worries, I'm N! But a whole letter is a lot to remember! (He laughs nervously.)

(Flashback ends.)

N: So obviously, a lot of mutual respect there. But secretly, I actually kind of have a crush on her... You can't tell her, okay?! (Beat. Motioning, Uzi zips her mouth.) Then there's J, our leader.

(Another flashback. J has N pinned to the ground.)

J: N, you're worthless, and terrible, (N: (Struggling to breathe) Thank you...) and if the company allowed it, I would straight up kill you myself!

(Flashback ends.)

N: J's awesome. Hey, let me give you the tour! Outside are the corpse... wall... thingies. In here are the buttons! (He begins pressing buttons.)

Uzi: This... isn't just a landing pod... This is a spaceship! This could get us off the planet!

N: More of a one-use missile. They never taught us how to land.

Uzi: No, I, uh, uh, the worker drones, we could work with them to fix this! Instead of all the murder! ...Which, uh, why are we doing that again...?

N: Other than ingesting their WARM, SWEET oil to avoid overheating and dying? I guess I just want to be useful. I was given a job and I always want to try my best.

Uzi: And look at all the respect it's gotten you, N. You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead?

N: Oh my, you sure are rebellious! It's kind of exciting. But, not as fun as, uh, following the rules...

(They hear footsteps.)

N: Hey, they're back! You- (Uzi has disappeared.)

J: Idiot, get out here!

Scene 7

(Uzi retreats from the Corpse House.)

V: (Laughs) Yo, we got a worker out there I kind of want to practice balloon animal shapes with. ...What happened here?

J: Synergistic Liability here must have tripped and knocked himself offline. (J slaps N.) Moron bot, hello? (She snaps her fingers as N goes through a system reboot.)

Uzi: (On a recording) You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead? (Rewind.) Bite me!

YOU'RE DEAD

[IDIOT]

(The reboot finishes.)

N: Ohhhh... (His scanner indicates Uzi's footprints.) Ohhhh! You know, I-I left an-an extremely dangerous weap- excuse outside...! (He flees as V holds up a flag that says "Literally So Insanely Suspicious". Meanwhile, N goes off in pursuit of Uzi, who is fleeing back to the colony.)

Scene 8

(Meanwhile, during the card game...)

Todd: Haha, I am out, boys.

Drone: Oh, gosh darn it...

Braxton: Wait until my loving wife and kids hear about this!

(The door opens, letting in the cold and Uzi, much to their annoyance.)

Uzi: Bite me! Close it, close it!

(Uzi tries to swipe the card to close the door, but N has already stuck his claw in between. He pries the door open slightly.)

N: Hey, fellas. Oh, deal me in, I love rummy. Wait, no, I'm going to murder everyone... Rain check!

(He swings his acidic tail at the door scanner, breaking it and the key. The door opens up, as do other doors. Realizing their lives are on the line, Uzi and the other drones, minus Todd, run off.)

Todd: Um, actually, it's gin rummy. So-

(N impales him against a wall and slices his head off. He begins firing at the rest, shooting Makarov's head off and pouncing the other drone. Meanwhile, Braxton catches up with Uzi.)

Braxton: Hey, Uzi! I just realized no one's said my name out loud before, so I'm just letting you know I'm- (N slices him in two, then flies off in pursuit of Uzi.)

(Uzi recharges her railgun and turns back to fire, but sees that N is gone. Khan appears.)

Khan: Pretty nice hydraulics, huh? (He pauses as he sees all the chaos he missed.) ...What-What have you done?

(Uzi doesn't reply. Before she could explain herself, N swoops in. Uzi prepares for a fight.)

Uzi: This time, I won't miss!

N: (Chuckles) I'm sorry. I really enjoyed our time together, but I can't have you shooting V with that thing.

Uzi: Bite me! (To Khan) Dad, get down!

Khan: Uzi, you Lead a murder drone here?! My beautiful doors!

Uzi: Now is so not the time! I messed up, in the same way I'm about to fix it! Move, dad!

(N pins her to a wall and her railgun falls at Khan's feet.)

Uzi: (Straining) Dad... Point and shoot... Trust me...!

(Khan, trembling with fear, slowly backs off instead of helping his only child.)

Uzi: (Heartbroken) Dad...?

(In an act of cowardice, Khan closes the door, leaving Uzi broken. Not just brokenhearted, but broken to the point where she shuts down. No grief over being left in the lurch by her own father. No attempts to fight back N. Nothing. She just goes limp... The room turns red and alarms blare as N regains his sanity, looking with despair over what he has done. At this moment J and V show up.)

J: Whoa, N! Am I dreaming, or did you do something not useless, for once?

V: I've been trying to get past those doors for months. Nice work, N.

N: ...You... Me... Name... Remember...?

V: These ventilation shafts can easily get us around this last door. Lowest body count eats a missile! (She flies upwards.)

J: Way to go, stud. The company's gonna love this. With this colony wiped, we'll make top team this quarter, for sure. You know what that means... Branded pens! (She holds up a JCJenson brand pen, to N's joy. She tosses it to him and prepares to fly off and catch up with V.)

N: ...Uh, you know, not that I can't wait to keep murdering all these, uh, maybe not-so-actually different from us Worker Drones, but, just out of curiosity, do we actually, uh, know what the company plans to do with us afterwards...?

(Uzi begins to wake up.)

J: Excuse me...?

N: Okay, so, a worker earlier might have suggested that they could fix up our landing pod to, uh, escape the planet and stuff, which, whoa, hey, that's against the rules! But, it is kind of making me question why our pods were only one way in the first place. Cause, you know, I get the feeling the company doesn't actually love robots, and like we might be robots. I've made a terrible mistake. It's cool how immediately I could tell.

J: Hmm... No way, buddy. Questioning the company? You just finally gave me the excuse I needed. (J injects N with a virus.) Worker drones are corrupted, N. That's why the company sent us. I hate to see you corrupted as well.

N: (Infected) Thanks, J... Always looking out for me... You're awesome... (He passes out.)

J: Heh. (She flies upward to catch up with V and hunt down more drones.)

(Uzi wakes up and goes to get her railgun.)

N: (Still infected) Ah, biscuits. I'm sorry. I ruined your card game, then made you have an awkward moment with your dad.

Uzi: And I made you rebel like an angsty teen, which got you killed. Though, you also tried to kill me, so morality calls this a draw. (She climbs on top of a box to reach the vent. Predictably, she can't reach due to not having the ability to fly, and for being too short.) Ugh... For the record, that was the lamest heel-face turn in history. Was that supposed to be you switching sides?

N: Being rebellious is a lot harder than it looks. Thanks for showing me the ropes.

Uzi: Nuh-uh, no bonding thing. You just killed a bunch of people, idiot.

N: That's super fair... (Sighs) I screwed up...

Uzi: Ugggh...! In the same way you're about to fix it? (She shows the wrench.)

N: Hahaha! I love doing anything!

Scene 9

(Thad gets flung backwards. Lizzy and Doll rush to help him as J arrives.)

Khan: So... They found our evacuation spot. But, if we build a quick door...

(Thad gets up.)

Thad: Are you kidding me?! You're the WDF, right? Defend! (Khan and his friends back off in more cowardice.) For real?

(V arrives and impales Thad. Just as she's about to kill him...)

Uzi: Hey!

V: Huh?

Uzi: Put that conventionally attractive male down!

(N waves before Uzi nudges him.)

N: Oh! Uh, J, you're sometimes kind of mean to me, and I wish you weren't. Just some constructive criticism.

Uzi: Nice. (They fist bump.)

J: Noted, traitor. We'll circle back after I right-size your existence!

Uzi: (To N) Okay, which one do you want?

N: J, please.

Uzi: Too bad. Good luck.

(Battle commence. Uzi flings her pen at J's hair and runs off, leaving N to deal with V. J manages to knock Uzi down and yanks the pen out of her hair.)

J: Damn the well-made quality assured durability of JCJensen's products! Huh? (Uzi gets back up and kicks J in her face.)

(Meanwhile, N is fighting V. He tries firing from his gatling gun, but hearts shoot out instead.)

N: Ah! My mind's in a weird place! Don't read into this! (A rocket lands near him and explodes.)

(J gets up and knocks Uzi out while N and V are swordfighting. N sees J walk up to Uzi.)

N: UZI! (To V) I'm so, so sorry. Have fun repressing this! (He... licks V's sword. Nasty...)

V: EW! What the hell?! (N kicks her down as J looms over Uzi.)

J: You've got a lot of cuts for a barely sentient toaster. I've had prey fight fact before, but your edgy spirit is just... so... painful...?! (She looks down. Her leg has been stabbed.) GAH! FOURTH! QUARTER! PROFITS! MOTHER OF COMPANY LEADERSHIP RETREATS! (She jams her foot on a piece of rubble and falls over. Uzi points her railgun at her face.)

Uzi: One more buzzword and I'll do it!

J: ...Equity partnersh-

(Uzi pulls the trigger. In the end of it all, J's entire top half has been obliterated. Uzi spits on the corpse (Or what's left of it) to show who's the baddest. As the other drone's come out of hiding to cheer for her, she falls over tiredly. N picks her up onto his shoulders.)

Thad: Holy hell, Uzi, that was insane! And you too, uh...

N: Huh? Oh! N! I'm an angsty rebellious disassembly drone, now.

(They hear someone clearing their throat. It's Khan. Uzi throws her wrench back at his feet.)

Uzi: I brought the murder drones here accidentally. You chose to leave me for dead instead of just freaking believing in me! That's not even an edgy teen hyperbole like when I said it last week! (No response. Uzi, near tears, smacks herself to regain composure.) I'll save you the trouble dad. I banish myself! (Khan tries to speak, but can't find the words.) Let's go, N. Everyone here can bite me! (N grabs V and they begin to leave.)

N: Nice to meet you, Mr. Uzi!

Uzi: (Smacks him) Shut it.

(N takes off with Uzi and V. Khan has a sip from his mug in disappointment."#1 DAD" Nothing could be further from the truth...)

Scene 10

(Out in the frozen wilderness, Uzi sitting on top of a broken car, thinking to herself. Meanwhile, N is lodged inside the Corpse House.)

N: I'd join you if the sun didn't kill me. Hope you're having important character growth or something, though!

Uzi: Just can't wait to murder all humans. Classic robot stuff. I hope they're sitting pretty there on Earth, because we're coming for them...! (She laughs maniacally, her sanity completely vanished, as the zoom out reveals three Drone pods making their way down to Copper 9.)

(Credits roll.)

(The sound of rainfall and thunder pounds outside…)

James: We got to curb her trips to the dump.

(N is shown wearing a suit and holding a platter, like a servant.)

James: And where is she getting the hair to play dress-up with them? Creepy…

(James tosses his glass onto the tray, which N catches without dropping any dishes and walks off. He stops to make a view out of a window as the cacophonous storm continues raging. Continuing his walk, he looks around some more as he collides with V, wearing a maid's outfit. The collision causes N to drop the platter and the dishes fall to the floor.)

N: OH! I'm so sorry!

V: I-It's okay! I wasn't looking.

(Their hands touch and a spark emits. They blush and stare in curiosity as N begins to speak, but is kicked to the side by J.)

J: Move it, moro- (Suddenly turns cutesy and polite) Hi, Tessa! …Oh, no. Another one?

(A new drone reveals herself from behind Tessa. She makes eye contact with N as everything suddenly goes dark…)

Scene 2

(N wakes up from his rest and falls to the ground.)

Uzi: N, I found something in here!

(Inside the Corpse House, Uzi is inspecting her new finding: a symbol consisting of a skull with a cap and wings. Uzi stares at her reflection in a mirror, which breaks.)

V: That's weird and concerning.

Uzi: Bite me! This is probably you weirdo's fault!

V: I've never seen that symbol before. Wanna do an autopsy to find out?

N: (Appears) What'd you find?

Uzi: Did you know that was a pilot hat?

N: I was the pilot? That's awesome! I crashed and ruined everything… Spaceship Pilot: Origin Story.

(V hisses, then calms herself by blowing bubbles out of a bubble blower.)

N: …Speaking of piloting to Earth, we sure "murder all humans" is, uh, morality?

Uzi: The humans sent you without a communication relay and reformatted your memories to soup. (No response or rebuttal.) Covering their tracks means their past negotiating. Not like tried negotiating with my mom…

V: Or you missed the negotiations! The humans programmed us to solve a problem. Where's proof of your backstory? The one where your kind's so conveniently innocent? (Chuckles)

(N, not wanting another fight to break out, gently pulls Uzi out of the way.)

N: J was getting orders from someone. If not the company through that relay, then, uh, who? And how?

Uzi: (Pouts) Quit complicating my murder plan. (N tries to comfort her by gently patting her on the head, but Uzi brushes his hand away.)

Scene 3

(Back at Uzi's colony, two drones are staring at the large hole that N made in the roof.)

Tim: Yeah, just fix her up because, whoops, pretty big security risk in hindsight. Uh, you got this, uh, Ladderbot 5000. (His name is Frank.)

Frank: Ugh… Please, just leave the lights- (The lights go off.)

(Frank digs his flashlight out and tries to think of a way to get up there when he hears a clattering sound. He looks around in fear and suspicion when he notices something… fleshy. He goes to investigate, only for a strange spider-like heart device to reveal itself. His flashlight gets shot out of his hand as The Absolute Solver turns the colors of the room yellow and red before finally dispatching him.)

Scene 4

(It's Parent-Teacher Conference Day (AKA "That explains a lot!") at Uzi's school. Khan sits down across from the teacher.)

Teacher: Mr. Doorman, your daughter has been, uh… absent.

Khan: Yes, on that "kill all humans" kick, like when I was younger. Grounded herself and all that.

Teacher: Speaking on her behavior-

Khan: Of course, of course, precocious, popular, supernatural understanding of doors. Takes after her old man.

(Flashback time.)

Teacher: Uzi, please sit normal.

Uzi: Bite me!

(Flashback 2.)

Teacher: Uzi, (Sighs) give Braden back his sentience.

Uzi: (As Braden) Bite me- her! I started it, and also, I'm dumb. (Her head lights ablaze.)

(Flashback 3.)

Teacher: Uzi, you have to partner up.

Uzi: Several people wanted to, for the record.

Lizzy: No, we didn't. You freak us out.

Uzi: (Inside a trashcan) But mostly, bite me!

(End flashback montage.)

Teacher: Yeah, she has trouble fitting in. We think there might be something damaged with her programming. How is she at home?

Khan: Uh… Sorry? I mean, she's a little herself, but damaged? I… maybe haven't spent much time…

Teacher: Mmm, m-hm…

(A worker arrives.)

Worker: Mr. Doorman, sir? There's been an… incident.

Scene 5

(Meanwhile…)

Uzi: Oh, I'm sweaty! Who programmed that?!

N: You good, Uzi?

Uzi: I'm good! Better than good! I am God!

(She pauses to see Thad has shown up.)

Uzi: (Chuckles nervously) Hi, hi, Thad. (He hands her back her railgun.) Thank you.

Thad: Of course, 'Zi! (To N) N&M's. You saved my life. I don't think the colony is even serious about all this banishment stuff, more just confused. Especially with the fact-

Uzi: I'm too rogue to re-enter society now? I can never return…

Thad: …Recent disappearances, and your murder friend's corpse. When I went to grab your gun, it kind of looked like it… crawled away…?

Uzi: We can return a little…

Scene 6

(Back at the colony, Tim comes across a hologram of Frank (Or Ladderbot 5000).)

Tim: Oh, Ladderbot 5000? We looked everywhere for you!

(Frank screams in pain, then returns to normal.)

Frank: Hi, Tim. Care to join me?

Tim: Join you standing eerily still over there in suspiciously low resolution?

Frank: …Yes?

Tim: …Alright.

(He walks over, not knowing that the Absolute Solver is about to snatch him and drag him up into the ceiling up until it's too late. Tim's hologram joins Frank.)

Tim: Flawless character acting, me.

Frank: Improv game for more practice?

Tim: Hahaha! We are a monster!

Scene 7

(Uzi, N, and Thad head back to the colony. A worker opens a door a little bit to see who arrived.)

Ron: Welcome back, Thad! (Notices Uzi) Uh, wait, isn't she grounded or something?

Uzi: Ugh, banished! Has my dad been saying I'm grounded?

Ron: (Notices N) Genocide Robot?

(N quietly walks up and hands Ron a crayon drawing to show how super very, very sorry he is for all the murders he committed.)

Ron: …Oh, alright, just don't do it again. Get in here, ya goobs! (He hangs the drawing on the door.)

Scene 8

(The Absolute Solver's handiwork has been turned into a crime scene.)

Worker: Yeah, where's Khan? Because this looks, ahaha, ugh, non-ideal.

Sarah: Parent-Teacher Conference. Something about his daughter being more important than building a door in this hallway. Ugh, kind of cringe.

Worker: Ew. (Gets ready to hurl) Oh, give me a minute… (Holds his vomit in) Ah, yep, okay, almost threw up.

(Uzi is behind them, listening in on their conversation.)

N: You good?

Uzi: I'm good. Stop asking! (She pushes N away and motions for him and Thad to follow her while sneaking past the investigators.)

Sarah: (Turns to two of her colleagues behind her) Any forensic things over there? (No response.) Do we have fingerprints? (They fade away. She turns back to her colleague, who also fades out. Same with Frank and Tim. Her surroundings begin to get the same treatment. She looks up in horror as the Absolute Solver makes it's way towards her…)

Scene 9

(Back at the Parent-Teacher Conference…)

Khan: I mean, you don't think it's my parenting, do you? I left her for dead once! It sounds like she's bored in your class and the other kids suck! Call her "damaged" again, and I will install a DOOR ON YOUR FACE!

(Lizzy and Doll are in the back, listening to the ragefest that is Khan.)

Lizzy: (To Doll) Where are your folks?

(Doll starts having flashbacks.)

Doll: Мёртвые. Я смотрела как они умирали. ("Dead. I watched them die".)

Lizzy: …That was the joke, idiot?

(They both hear a knocking. They turn to see a hologram of Lizzy outside the door)

Lizzy: That girl is… Gorgeous, right!? I'm gonna let her in. (She gets up to let her copy in.)

Scene 10

(Uzi, N, and Thad are in the room where they fought V and J.)

Uzi: You guys… do that often?

N: Haha, no. I'm very concerned, but also pretty frightened a little bit.

Thad: Hey, Uzi! What's this thing?

(It's an Absolute Solver sign.)

N: Hey, isn't that your special eye?

Uzi: Don't call it that! (She reads.) "Absolute Solver"? "Reboot"? Does this have something to do with how you grew your head back?

N: Hehe. I actively avoid unpacking how that works.

Uzi: New material can't be pulled from thin air. If the wound is severe enough, this "Solver" might be some sort of auto run program to collect more matte-

(N places his hand over her mouth to shush her. They hear something coming towards them… A human hand. It latches itself onto Thad's leg as they look up to see what the hand is attached to. Not able to see much in pitch black, N fires his missile cannon. This still doesn't reveal much, but it does anger it enough to begin pulling Thad up. Suddenly, a shuriken flies in and slices the cable apart, freeing Thad. He looks back to see that N was the one who unleashed the shuriken.)

Uzi: I want a freaking ninja star!

(She and N get thrown against a wall as one of the Solver's claws grabs Thad and leaves.)

N: (Getting up) You good?

Uzi: (Slams him back down) Stop asking! …Chainsaw hand time?

N: (Braces his chainsaw hands) Yeah, cool, cool.

Scene 11

(Uzi and N give chase. They come across Thad's hologram.)

"Thad": Yes, and hello. It's me, Tad. Um, can I get a location? …I heard dentist's office! I'm Thad at the dentist office. Come over here for your… teeth!

Uzi: Predictably terrible work, J. Why do you look so-

N: Great! You look great, J!

"Thad": No, no, wait, guys, it's really me! Is that a (His voice glitches and turns robotically feminine.) freaking ninja star?

(N unleashes his shuriken as Uzi kicks it. It flies upwards to bring down the real Thad as the hologram disappears.)

Thad (The Real One): (Pulling himself together) Life savers again. Thanks! Super invited to my shindig next weekend. Cool kids only. (He runs off as Uzi and N squee with delight over being invited to his get-together. Suddenly…)

Absolute Solver: We're busy then anyway, so whatever. So lame.

Uzi: What's with the voice, J?

Absolute Solver: Oh, J's not here. We are trying to repair that host as per our directive.

Uzi: So, you ARE a program?

Absolute Solver: More like you are our cute puppets. It hurts our feelings you don't remember us. (The Solver creates a hologram of Nori, Uzi's mother.)

Uzi: N…? (N has vanished.) What's with the mom hologram…?

Absolute Solver: Easier to assimilate than explain.

Uzi: Not happening.

Absolute Solver: Fair, but poor choice. Now we will have to do something shocking. (The Solver brings down a clone of Khan.)

Uzi: Woah! Hey!

Absolute Solver: Goodbye, Dad. ("Khan" gets ripped in two and the Solver feeds on his corpse.)

Uzi: What…?

(The Solver goes in to kill Uzi, but it gets struck by a missile fired by N.)

Absolute Solver: Pained cry.

N: Uzi shoot! Or give it to me! (He fires again, but the attack is deflected by the Solver.)

Absolute Solver: Claw swipe. (It then begins to move in on the duo.) Snarl.

N: Uzi! You good?!

Uzi: …No.

(N grabs the railgun…)

Absolute Solver: Pranked, idiot. You big stupid. (The Solves throws Uzi to the side, knocking the railgun out of her hands and smashing it, it grabs her.) Lucky for you, it's snack time. Time to go into my mouth now.

(Before the Solver could feast on Uzi, N, the actual N this time, saws off its appendages. The railgun suddenly turns red as N fights the claws.)

Absolute Solver: Ow. And please don't. And also, I was using those.

(N grabs Uzi and they make their escape as the railgun self-destructs… As they regain themselves, they look back at the mess.)

Uzi: What was…? Which parts of that were real…?

(The Solver reappears and tries to escape.)

Absolute Solver: Sneaky sneaky. Sneaking away. Get snuck upon. (N stabs it.) Ow. (He repeatedly stabs it until it turns into a miniature black hole and floats off. Hearing a commotion heading their way, N tries to help Uzi to her feet, but she resists in fear.)

Uzi: What… are you things…?

(Hurt by her newfound distrust in him, N flees the scene as a search party led by Khan shows up.)

Khan: Uzi? (Uzi silently staggers towards him.) What are you doin- (Uzi, without word, hugs her father, who silently returns the embrace. He gestures for his men to scour the area. Khan looks up and sees N, who makes his escape.)

Scene 12

(Doll is sitting by herself in the classroom, looking at a photo. A robotic cockroach crawls up her arm as she looks back towards the door and remembers what happened earlier when Lizzy saw a copy of herself behind the door.)

Lizzy: Gorgeous, right?! I'm gonna let her in.

(She gets up to let her copy in… Only for Doll to use one of her powers to break the door before Lizzy could reach it.)

Lizzy: Jesus, sorry, industrial strength ghost or whatever. Settle. (She takes her seat as her copy disappears.)

(Back in the present time, the roach crawls onto the photo, only for Doll to will it to explode. She licks some of its remains off her face as we see what's in the photograph she's holding. It appears to be V.)

Scene 13

(Back at the Corpse House, V speaks to N, who is still guilt-ridden over what happened earlier.)

V: (Sighs) I hate your personality normally, but this is somehow worse. What am I being punished for? (V’s expression softens, and she looks down, revealing her chain is broken. She then hides it before looking back at N, and then turning away again with arms crossed.)

(Uzi is in her room, laying down on her bed, and looking up at a web of theories in regards to the Absolute Solver program.)

(Credits roll.)

[tendebill]

I love your silly guys (your OCs) so much

I am spinning them in my brain

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO RAMBLE ABOUT THEM. I WILL RAMBLE ABOUT THEM (literally just looking for an excuse to infodump!!!!! utilizing your lovely asks bestie, hope you dont mind <3)

anyway im thinking about chapter 1 a lot (and ignoring how chapters 4-6 are barely thought out) and uh um.

So basically Nicolas Nevers can go fuck himself. I created him and he is vital to the story, blah blah blah, I despise him <3.

My intention with him is that he starts out as a kind of... mentor/caretaker figure for Seph & Ellie?? I want the story to start out with a lot of fantasy "stereotypes" that are either flipped/twisted or turn out to be lies, and Nick is no different. He is the reason why Ellie and Seph both have these powers which they were never supposed to have. He lies about it to them and everyone else to cover his ass, makes up a prophecy for them, hoping they wont catch on (spoilers: sephoras eventually catches on), sends them off for "adventures" so they dont cause him more problems and expose his lies and deceptions, the list goes on. His entire career is a very carefully woven, but extremely fragile web of lies, bribery and cashed-in favors, and YET-

Somehow he is never publically exposed for all of his bullshittery. Worse yet, Sephoras isn't even the one that gets the satisfaction of killing him, Huen does (everyone say thank you Huen) at the end of chapter 2.

I actually want to make it a point in chapter 6 (underdeveloped as it is) that, as opposed to David, Sephoras had no real place where he could direct his anger. No way to enact "revenge". What I mean is, when Seph killed David's wife (for context: he wasn't fully in control of himself and he would never have done it in his right mind, but it was OBVIOUSLY enough for David to want to kill him, dead is dead, plus it traumatized them both, David watched it happen too, plus his toxic masculinity and anger issues made it so that there was no other way for him to react BUT trying to kill seph), in Seph's mind, that gave David a free pass to hurt Seph in any way he wanted. Seph was of the opinion that he deserved what he got and had no right to feel sorry for himself or resent David for it. In turn, his guilt made it so that most of the people that had hurt him were "off-limits" to him in terms of getting revenge or anything of the sort. He didn't deserve anyone's forgiveness, empathy and he CERTAINLY didn't deserve to get revenge.

Nicolas was the ONLY person he would have wanted to get revenge against. The only person he felt he could "bring to justice" and whatnot. The only man worse than him. The cause of this whole shitshow (literally, if not for Nick, none of the plot would have happened).

But like I said, Huen was the one to kill Nick in chapter 2, so Seph never got the satisfaction of doing so himself.

HOWEVER. I recently added on to this detail :))))))) I made it worse btw.

Like I said, Nick's reputation remained intact even after his death. No one (besides Seph ofc) really cared to expose him post mortem, and even so, hardly anyone knew the EXTENT of his lies and deceptions and faults. Sephoras knew the most, Huen did too, as he had told her, plus a couple of other characters, but he never really told Ellie the full story, not until MUCH later.

Which is where chapter 4 comes in. Ellie and Seph are trying to gain back each other's trust, but their relationship is falling apart, ripping at the seams in so many ways. They don't know each other anymore, they are not the same as they once were. Seph feels like he doesn't deserve a second chance and so he doesn't fight for it, he doesn't give Ellie reasons to trust him again. Ellie tries desperately to hold onto the image of Seph she had from BEFORE all this shit had happened, when he was still their brother and everything was easier, bathed in Nicolas' lies and their naive belief in what he had told them.

At some point Seph spills the beans about Nicolas, everything he'd done and lied about, how much he'd really manipulated them and Ellie is PISSED. They find out how much they let that man decieve them and they dont know what to do with that rage.

They relize he was never exposed. That he is still hailed as a martyr and a "good man who died a tragic death". They expose him publically on their own.

And so Nick's reputation goes to shit. As does Seph's only way of getting revenge on a dead man. Ellie takes that from him. He tells himself he didn't deserve the satisfaction of being the one to expose Nevers to the public, that Ellie had a right to do it. But it doesn't make him any less angry.

And so, like I said, Seph never really gets his revenge on Nevers. While David was able to take out his anger on Seph all he wanted, Seph was forced to suffer with all his anger directed at a man long dead, unable to do anything about it. The one man that hurt Sephoras more than Sephoras had hurt him. Dead and defamed - no thanks to Sephoras.

i love my sillies and i love their silly adventures and theres so much i wanna say about them but alas i dont want to write 15 essays in one post.

[zoeysuxx]

TW: Transphobia

Ugh. Spent the afternoon with my parents. They were watching my youngest over the weekend and I needed to pick him up.

At this point, while I love a good parenting break I also hate pretty much any contact I have with my own parents. I know what you're thinking... I'm too old for this shit, right?

Apparently not.

I came out to them on Christmas Eve of last year. So, they've been aware that I'm not the son they thought they'd had for almost a year now. Want to guess how many times they've used my correct pronouns and name, without any kind of reminder?

Zero.

"We've known you for so long as <redacted>, we have to get used to it"

You've had damn near a year, fuck. Maybe actually put in a little effort hmm?

That's not even the worst part...

So, every time I go there wearing anything that doesn't have individually sewn legs my dad goes on some tirade about how 'I don't need to dress that way' and 'I'm putting my life in danger'. All this despite the fact that that I've informed him on several occasions that I am very cautious about where I go and how I present. Given his history as a bastion of toxic masculinity and rampant homophobia, I don't think he's the one I would be taking life advice as a trans woman from. Based on his 'logic', it's pretty clear to me that he's just under the impression that this will all go away eventually and I'll go back to being a self-loathing shlubby man. Fuck that.

Bet you thought that was the worst part? Buckle up, sweets - there's more.

When I first came out, they hated my chosen name. They actually requested Zoey, saying they really liked that name. So, I thought I'd humor them and work it in, since it was actually a name I'd considered anyway. How many times have they called me Zoey without being reminded?

Zero.

My dad has even gone so far as to start calling me a name I never selected nor approved of, which is curiously close to my dead name. Pretty sus. When confronted about this - he ultimately said that as my father he gets a say in what he calls me, because he doesn't like the name I gave myself. So, he's determined that my choice is dead name, or *almost* dead name. Way to make it about yourself, assbag.

So yeah, that's the truncated version of the shit day I've had.

I need cuddles 😕

[ultramaga]

Trigeminal Neuralgia.

Cold air seeped in after a warm day, and I didn’t notice until pain like a cramp spread over my face. The bottom of my neck hurt in a way that made me check to see if I had been cut somehow. It’s nerve damage - the aftermath of a removed parotid tumour. It’s incurable and progressive. People used to kill themselves when they got this. It is what it is. Currently it has died down, with only brief weird reminders. My left ear feels quite ready to fall off. It’s huge, my mind insists, like a balloon, but dead tissue. Of course the mirror reflects the same picture as always; nothing wrong. The misfiring nerve causes the brain to create a false picture of the body. After it hit, I gave up on trying to make dinner and ordered some takeaway as a distraction, but the driver was confused, and kept telling me how I should alter the property i don’t own to make it clearer to drivers as to where I am. I kept trying to point out I have no legal right to do what he was saying, but then gave up and just nodded. It’s hard to explain to someone who isn’t listening when your nerve is screaming in your ear. I tried making an appointment for a medical review I am required to do for my disability pension. I am permanently disabled, but the government here lives in hope of finding a loophole they can use to move me out of that category so I don’t have to be paid. That would result in either death or incarceration, the latter which would be more expensive, but it would be in a different section’s budget, and governments are mostly a group of competing departments trying to save their own money even if it means the death of others. And the medical advise is often worse than useless. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/trigeminal-neuralgia/symptoms-causes/syc-20353344 “ having trigeminal neuralgia doesn't necessarily mean that you're doomed to a life of pain “ Yes, it does. “ Doctors usually can effectively manage trigeminal neuralgia with medications, injections or surgery. “ Not according to the experts I consulted, or the GPs who manage me. There was one experimental medication which I was involved with. The side effects were the worst I have experienced in my lifetime. I barely survived, but the government is now trying to treat every patient with that drug. I guess it solves their problem if patients kill themselves - they can write it off as toxic masculinity if male, and patriarchal oppression if female. They don’t have to deal with the fact the drug is worse than the disease. Surgery? They cut the nerve.

You will lose control of the side they cut. You will drool from that side, your speech is slurred, you have trouble drinking and eating. And the pain can come back anyway.  The injection treatment I was notified of was botox. It was too expensive for me to try. It might work, but recommending it for me is like recommending I hire servants to carry me about. It’s insane to tell someone on a disability pension to pay for it when most can barely manage their rent. So the Canadian Solution is supposed to be coming to Australia, or so they claim. They will be pressuring people like me to stop being a burden on the government, to stop draining the money from budgets that are collapsing thanks to lockdownerism. The pandermic response is going to kill more people than the disease ever could, but in quiet ways. Less money means poor people die from the cold, or the heat, or in some countries, they will starve. Diseases of other kinds take advantage - other plagues will spread if economies fail. Dysentery is a favorite. It used to follow wars, and the weird thing was you were far more likely to die from such things than the actual battles. Pestilence and War go hand in hand.

I was like this after the surgery, and I knew that it might be permanent. It wasn’t, but the recovery was at a cost. The nerve had to be stretched to access the parotid, and the nearest analogy is to take an electrical network cable, bend it too far, then put it back in soggy soil. The breaks in the sheathing mean that the signal is disrupted, but nerve signals are analog, not digital, and that means that error detection and correction have never evolved. In the wild, as it were, animals who went through what I did just die. It’s only recently that humans have had a fair survival rate - of course there’s no evolutionary adaption to it. And trig neur. is rare - to give you an idea, 13 years ago, when I first had to see experts, there was ONE expert in Australia. Yes, a grand total of one. I think he retired after me, so I have no idea who manages the cases now. The only treatment available was the total avoidance of stress, and I was told that I should get into a cannabis trial, as it had proven effective overseas. 

I did. Twice. Twice I went through all the hoops, only to be told they had had to be cancelled because of political interference from America, which was imposing Nixon’s rules on the rest of the world because .... I have no fucking idea. I’ve always been angry at this, especially since I heard Nixon’s tapes, where he was recorded rigging medical trials. He wanted to have cannabis banned because he saw it as somehow Jewish. Alcohol was good clean American fun, so it was ok. And no President has challenged that ruling, not even Obama who admitted to recreational use. Leftists used to claim that they were going to hold Biden’s feet to the fire, make sure he was accountable. I haven’t seen ONE protest from them of the criminalisation of cannabis, despite the fact that it would be trivial for Biden to undo - he could devolve it to the States - but he won’t. Either the cannabis competing drug companies are paying him top dollar to maintain the status quo, or maybe it is from religious groups. I don’t know or care. Left or right, whoever doing it is a fucking asshole in my book.  I remember really changing my perspective on politics when i heard a libertarian say they believed cannabis should be legal, but they would never use it themselves. It is refreshing to see someone who would walk the walk of morality, doing something that doesn’t benefit themselves, simply because it is the right thing to do. Note that i do not believe that legalisation of cannabis has to solve the problems. Do it stupidly, and you will be in trouble. The excessive taxation in some parts means that illegal cannabis can actually be cheaper than the legal product. How do you mess up that badly? How?!!  A reminder than cannabis is a bloody weed, that will thrive in terrible soils and neglect. It takes little skill or love to make a crop. It is incredibly cheap, especially compared to rival pharmaceuticals that can cost thousands of times more for the same efficacy or less.

My conditions are progressive, and the hell of it is that suffering from attacks makes the attacks worse - as it was explained to me, the condition accelerates the condition, so that preventing attacks prevents attacks. For example, i had to stop working because that stress permanently damages the nerve further. I grew a beard, to shield the areas as best as I could from changes of temperature, and sit inside on days when the air is cold, and hide from the night’s chill. But if the medical advise I was given decades ago was correct, I would have still been able to work if I had had access to medical cannabis. If true, that would mean a totally different history for me. Work means not only money, but status, and it also means the difference between retiring with a partner - or being placed into a communal home, without privacy, and potentially with drug-addicted psychotics or thieves... So that path ... perhaps it would have worked, but I will never know. I cannot flip to that history that never was. I am left to tread what remains of this walk. And the Australian government will be trying to steer me into the grave at every opportunity, and if they implement the Canadian model, I expect that will be done with gusto. The sick, the poor, the old, all seen as parasites, as vermin; and dealt with with disgust, and ultimately, violence.

[serenemy]

everything is a simulation

SPOILERS The Love Witch (2016) SPOILERS

a beneficial mundane in one of my realms interpreted the witch in this film as a product of, if not a victim of, patriarchy. i found her unambiguously evil/immoral

i probably take too many of the wrong things literally. but dark magic or light, it must be Moral. the Rede commands no harm; manipulation is a form of harm

yet, among other things, our anti-hero is using love spells non-consensually. even the other witches tell her to knock it off. neither the other witches nor the human women characters act or think the way she does and her choices harm them. imo the film needed the (amazing, brilliantly reverse-engineered) retro vibe to even depict the main character interacting with other women; it would have strained credulity to give her women friends/companions in a contemporary setting

most damning to the theory that she is a victim, in my mind, is that the men are all either: 1) already going for her without the spell yet she uses it anyway despite having reason to believe it is harming people; 2) affirmatively resisting her and she has to use the spell to overcome their resistance

currently i best understand the film as an exploration of toxic masculinity—and the ways in which religion can be stretched to give it cover—told in the only means that could be received non-defensively by the patriarchy: as an exploration of toxic femininity/toxic witchcraft

arguably my interpretation renders her flashbacks to the mistreatment by her dead (murdered?) husband superfluous. but if the real goal was to make us think about toxic gender identity, that may be the whole point: it’s an aberration that arises from trauma, confers no benefit to society and leaves a lot of harm in its wake

[tranquilspot]

John: Examine GameBro Magazine.

CW: toxic masculinity, in-text misogyny, mention of someone getting hurt, stairs

Oh boy, the first long block of text I am mandatorily obliged to read for the sake of this reread.

I know that it's a parody, a joke both for the magazine writers and the author themselves, but this dude should be fired. You know, a GOOD reviewer would try to leave their confort zone and be curious of any kind a video genre. I like simulation, point n click adventures, puzzles, and action adventure games. Indies are the best! But you know what? I get interested by horror, rogue-like, turn-based strategy, first person shooters, heck I even played GTA and watched a bit of Yakuza. But that's not my favourite thing. And despite it all, I learned to be at least a minimum intrigued by other genre. So while it's fiction, it's shameful and disappointing that this dude played like, 5-10 minutes at the very most of Sburb and decided that it was lame and not worth his time.

His reason?

Because he didn't get to destroy stuff. Not only it's dumb and unrealistic to expect every single game to have destruction as part of the gameplay, if not the main gimmick if his attitude is to be trusted, but his impatience turned on him. Because you get to destroy things. TT did it (on purpose), GG did it (by accident). And he could get what he wanted if he didn't judge the book, rather the game here, by its cover and continued to play with his friend at Sburb.

It reminds me of a good article about masculinity in video games and its community. Go give it a shot if you're interested, it's in french but you can put the article in a translator. 'Video games have been parasitized by masculinist imaginary' End of the aside, let's dig into the article properly.

John: Read article.

Non native english speakers when they want to make transitions x)

"cats"? That's a lame way to designate people.*quick research* Hmm I was convinced he was specifically narrowing it to women players, cause I would have translating it to 'minettes' in french. But 'cats' in this context is 'guy'. But as in 'men' or 'people' in general? It's 2009, and the golden age of let's play is 2012, so it's tricky to pin out exactly if it's still a stereotyped period or if the game industry is more open to other genders (read as: cisgender girls, not a lot of neutrality or lgbt+ content during that time). What was I playing, raised as a cis girl in 2009? I checked and the Sims 3 was released that year but I barely discovered the series so I was playing the Sims 2. I mean, nobody forcing you to write anyway, dude.

I hate that he's fakely open-minded. "Like yeah to each their own, but breaking stuff is actually the real shit ". It irks me.

I'm glad he would be booed nowadays. You can't unironically write stuff like that and not expecting some backlash. He probably doesn't care, he won't suffer any consequences.

When in doubt, my buddy Urban dictionary is here to the rescue! Ok so 'wicked up' is being wasted, but how does 'ins' come into it?

*more research* Hmmm o.kay. Man bro slang can be difficult to decipher. Don't get my started with "the hook" and "pirouette off the handle" and all that. With the whole Strider lingo, there's still trouble to come..

What? What about my mom? She could murder you with words, you know. She isn't one to be stepped on and I'm proud of her <3 You gave 1.5 hats because I'm pretty sure you have to give a mandatory minimum note to a game. I mean, I don't really care. You'll be dead with the rest of humanity in a few hours. Really played yourself here.

I'll allow it, this article is terrible and going nowhere so at this point, who cares?

Oh fuck yeah! I saw it in theaters when it came out. I don't remember much of it cause it was more than 10 years ago, but I remember liking it. I saw it with my brother, and maybe my mom. Idk too far to recall.

D:

oh nooo!

May Dennis have a prompt and good recovery.

Also, 'huge useless tool against wet grass' would be so confusing for someone who doesn't quite master the english language. If we took it at face value, it's like rubber screwdriver dripping in morning dew. That's.. quite cute and poetic actually. A forgotten toy caressed by the grass and water.

What a shame indeed. *quick translation* Wow what an advanced word to use all of the sudden. 'girth' ooh boy I'm so glad to learn so many new words, and I will totally not forget them the next morning /sarcasm /half-joke

At least he's nice enough to wait and try again to watch it. Wait, is 'Brotel Rwanda' his name? Or at the very least his pen name. Rwanda is a country in Africa, and the first name got 'bro' in it. It sounds fake, gonna be the latter.

This article too, was perfectly wasted. That was boring yet I manage to deliver a whole-ass post.

Alright, let's go back to John's shenanigans, shall we? —>