#but at least I can say something here

[lovingempress]

I am 25 and I’ve finally decided to forgive myself for becoming a NEET when I was a teenager. I’ve come to a few realizations (or well, remembered them)

Backstory- When I was 13, my sperm donor pulled me from public schooling. I had missed so much school that we had to go to family court. Mind, this was in our hometown, and my father was a lawyer who specialized in family court, so you could imagine how that went. He spun a pretty tale, and I kept my mouth shut even as he lied straight to the judge’s face. Even as he blamed it all on me. Typical day of my life, really.

From that point on, I was “homeschooled”, except… not really. That’s just what I told people, because I was scared and ashamed (because it was obviously my own fault for not having an education). That was our “secret,” and I had better keep it unless I wanted to be responsible for getting CPS on our asses.

Because, it’s obviously the teenager’s fault that she didn’t sign herself up for school. (Except she tried- I tried. My father refused. I found programs, I begged him to sign me up for something, anything. Distance classes, online schooling, homeschooling- hell, even tutoring! He refused. It was “my job” to do it. He said he would “sign the papers” if I handed them to him, but how was I supposed to navigate the ever tangled web of lies he already spun without getting myself and my brothers in trouble? Who was I to ask without causing CPS to appear?) In hindsight, by the time I had actually found the programs (15 yr) and he told me to just get my GED instead- the reason he refused was because it was too close to home and too easy for the lie to be exposed. If he had signed me up, they would have easily seen that he never actually had me homeschooled, and he would have gotten in trouble with the law.

My reputation at home and within my family was ruined, you know. I lost contact with all of my friends. All I did was sleep, panic at my failing life, and read. What did everyone around me see when they saw me? She was obviously desperate to stay away from socializing with her friends and getting an education. She’s a dirty layabout. She’s just ditching school because she doesn’t want to go. It’s not like she missed school because she was in so much pain that she physically couldn’t get out of bed (except she was). It’s not like she was sent to specialists and bounced from doctor to doctor before finally being told that she was just going to have to grow out of it and just deal with the pain (sincerely fuck you for telling a kid that debilitating pain was normal “because you’re a girl” and to just push through it). She’s fine. She’s not mentally disabled like the rest of her family, so she doesn’t need any help. She’s fine. She’s normal. (He sexually harassed my therapist into discontinuing our care just when I thought things were gonna get better) She’s a smart independent woman (She’s barely a teenager). She’s so pretty she could be a model! (The only thing she has of worth is her looks) She’s just being lazy, a typical uncooperative teenage girl. (She’s depressed and in agony). Everyone’s trying their best and she refused, this was the best we could do, honest! She’s fine. She’s fine. She’s just being dramatic! She’s not fine.

The judgment I faced from so many family members... “When are you going back to school?” They would ask me again and again. And, I would have to keep the lie and say I was being homeschooled, but they knew I wasn’t. They just accepted it and kept pushing me to go back to school. Me, like I was the problem here. I bit my tongue and lied, lied, lied. I let them believe that I refused to go to school. I made excuses, every time, because if I didn’t then it would be my fault for breaking up the family, for ruining my brothers’ life. Did I want them to get sexually abused?! If I made a fuss then we would lose our home and our food and starve to death (like he didn’t regularly withhold food anyways). I didn’t want to cause drama, so I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say anything; I took the blame, I placated, and I lied. And, it hurts so much. I ruined my reputation, and for what?

By the time I finally went to high school, I was 17. I had to sign myself up for a school over half an hour away before I was able to finally go to school, and the “plan” was for me to pass the placement tests and get my GED. My entire teenage years I was self-learning off of Khan Academy, all on my own. I had no structure, no homework beyond what I tried to assign myself. No lesson plan besides the ones I tried to make for myself. I tried off and on to keep up with my education, and somehow, it didn’t feel new. After all, when did my parents ever help me with homework? I’ve always been “independent,” a “strong self-directed learner.”

I failed the placement tests they gave me, you know. Do you know how embarrassing it is, to have the person who set you up to fail talk you up to your prospective teachers in a specialized school? I was an adult learner in high school, and I graduated the same year as my younger brother. Of course, he skipped over half his entire senior year because he was “bored” and “didn’t want to go”, but he’s autistic so it was “okay.” (It’s not like I wouldn’t have killed for the support and help he got, how unbothered he got to be around family as they congratulated him).

But you know what.

I graduated with a 4.0 in high school. Sure I graduated late, but I graduated, even when everyone else wrote me off. With honors even. Except for that one specialized math class, I got As in all my college courses; I’ve been in honor society my entire adult schooling. I passed my TEAS with an above average grade. I’m in nursing school now, in a program so small there are people who’ve tried for literal years to get into.

So, sincerely, FUCK YOU DAD YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. I’m done being your scapegoat for shit I didn’t do

[kittyprincessofcats]

ICJ Ruling

Okay, let's get into this.

First of all, I get the frustration at the court not ordering a ceasefire. I was disappointed and frustrated at first too, since a ceasefire was the biggest and most important preliminary measure South Africa was requesting - and of course we just all want this horror to finally end for the people in Gaza. So I get the frustration and disappointment, I really do.

However, I do think this ruling is still a major win for South Africa, Palestine, and international law as a whole and here's why:

The court acknowledged that it has jurisdiction over this case and completely dismissed Israel's request to throw out the case as a whole. It will now determine at the merits stage (that will probably take years) whether Israel is actually commiting genocide.

The court acknowledged that Palestinians are a "distinct national or ethnic group and therefore deserving of protection under the genocide convention". Pull this out next time someone tells you "there's no such thing as Palestinians, they're all just Arabs".

The court acknowledged very unambiguously that "at least some" of Israel's actions being genocidal in nature is "plausible". South Africa has a case, officially. Israel is accused of genocide, in a way the ICJ deems "plausible", officially. This is huge. (And seriously, how freaking satisfying was it to hear all of those genocidal statements by Israeli politicians read out loud and used as justification for this rulling?)

The court might not have ordered a "ceasefire" in those words, but they did order Israel to "immediately end all genocidal acts" (which includes killing and injuring Palestinians) and submit proof that they actually did. How are they going to comply with this ruling without at least severly reducing or changing what they're doing in Gaza?

In fact, this wording might actually be more appropriate for a genocide (vs a war), as author and journalist Ali Abunimah notes on Twitter:

He's completely right. Israel lost today, by overwhelming majority (I mean, 15 to 2? I heard people predict the rulings would be very close, like 9 judges vs 8, but instead we got 15 to 2 (and even 16 to 1 on the humanitarian aid). Holy shit.) The court disimissed almost everything Israel's side of lawyers said, while acknowledging that South Africa's accusations are "plausible".

And this is important especially because of Mr Abunimah's second tweet there^. Because the question is, where do we go from here?

This ruling means that Israel is officially /possibly/ commiting genocide and that should have huge international consequences. The rest of the world now HAS to take these accusations seriously and stop arming and supporting Israel - and if they won't do it on their own, we, the people, have to make them. This is THE moment to rise up all around the world, especially in the countries most supportive of Israel (the US, the UK, Germany): Protest, call your representatives and demand a ceasefire and an end of arms deliveries to Israel.

We now have a legal case to back our demands: If Israel is, according to the ICJ, "plausibly" commiting genocide, then all of our governments are, according to the ICJ, "plausibly" guiltly of aiding in genocide. And we need to hold that over their heads and demand better. We need to do that right now and in huge numbers. Most politicians only care about themselves and saving their skin. We have to make them realize that they could be accused of aiding in genocide.

(As a German, I'm thinking of Germany here in particular: After South Africa's hearing, our government dismissed their case as having "no basis" - how are they going to keep saying that now that the ICJ officially thinks otherwise? Over the last months, people here have been arrested at protests for calling what's happening in Gaza a genocide. How are the police supposed to legally keep doing that now that the ICJ has officially deemed this accusation "plausible"? I used to be scared to use the word "genocide" at protests or write it on my protest signs - not anymore, have fun trying to arrest me for that when the ICJ literally has my back on this one 🖕🏻.)

So yeah - don't be defeatist about this, don't let Israel's narrative that they "won" (they didn't) take over. This might not be everything we wanted, but it's still a good result. Don't let what the court didn't say ("ceasefire"), distract you from the very important things that they did say. Let this be your motivation to get loud and active, especially if you live in any country that supports Israel. Put pressure on your governments to not be complicit in genocide, you now officially have the highest international court on your side.

[delizbin]

Effie’s first year as an escort was… interesting! Life threatens aside (and some death here and there), the parties and dresses were nice :)

[starflungwaddledee]

Hear me out…Meta Knight and Starstruck

✧˖°.✧ gravity ✧˖°.✧ ɡravɪti (noun) 1. the force that attracts a body towards the centre of the earth or towards any other physical body having mass 2. the degree of intensity of gravity, measured by acceleration 3. extreme importance; seriousness 4. solemnity of manner

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Lights out! Poppy: Ahh I had such a refreshing na- Why is Sally glowing?

LMFAO YEAH. pretty much how it goes...

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

Elim Garak: fucking around vs finding out

[topaziraphale]

"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,

The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"

Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.

What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.

[seventh-fantasy]

re: jianghu as a queer space in mlc

here to answer @redemption-revenge !! in reply to this post

(also tagging @markiafc @ananeiah <3)

there are many definitions of jianghu, but this is specifically based on the framing of jianghu as the space people retreat to, away from the mainstream sphere governed by the imperial court. in that is a sense of rejection and defiance against the patriarchal, heteronormative values and norms, which had been enforced through a fixation on upkeeping order in the society. as such i guess it's not too much of a stretch to interpret jianghu as a queer space in a way that's characterised by a spirit of nonconformity to the norms. consequently, it makes sense for stories set in jianghu be used to illustrate and navigate queer identities/experiences/feelings - which I came to believe mlc had made really good use of.

there's always kind of a dichotomy between 江湖 jianghu and 庙堂 miaotang (ie. imperial court). like in mlc, there are two separate, distinct law enforcement bodies from the respective spheres - and jianghu strives to keep imperial court from interfering in their affairs. like how li xiangyi firmly stands against getting imperial court involved in jianghu matters. like how fang duobing is actively running away from the grip of the royal court on his life choices. the rejection of the mainstream (very conveniently and broadly put, confucian) norms in mlc also manifests in many of its key relationships being non-familial (in the sense of blood/marriage-based kinship) and there being little emphasis on the main characters' biological familial ties. (anyway this is for a whole different meta on its own... edit: it's here)

it's then actually a sort of irony that the imperial court's institution of law and order is what sigu sect/baichuan court had been formed to be a de facto counterpart to. so when li xiangyi becomes li lianhua, it triggered the process of deconstructing the meaning of installing such an institution and the need to maintain order to a fundamentally nonconforming space such as jianghu. mama fang's seemingly throwaway line of criticising li xiangyi and his mission is in fact the thesis statement in this particular reading of mlc's story: jianghu makes its own rules. nobody should dare to do it in its place.

now deprived of all means to fight like he used to, li xiangyi's new life as li lianhua is essentially a refresh of how he views jianghu. the death of li xiangyi the leader of sigu sect and top of wulin, meant taking apart the idea that jianghu is a lawless arena where the fittest fight to the top for power and control over wulin. and li lianhua then putting together lotus tower, living a life focusing on a domestic lifestyle this time for real far from the reach of the governance both from the imperial court and sigu sect/baichuan court, is him living the jianghu that's defined as a space away from any form of conformity.

with that, there's also a sense of queerness to this particular way of living as li lianhua, if you consider the chinese conceptualisation of gender being more social than biological. if femininity and masculinity were respectively characterised by inner/domestic sphere and external/any space outside of that, dare I say...it actually makes li lianhua's moving house mindblowingly smart as a metaphor for gender fluidity. lonely wanderers are common in wuxia but housed lonely wanderers? he carved for himself a domestic (ie. feminine) space in the wilderness - among a jianghu space that's still dominated by masculine values of aggression and competition. and being freely mobile makes this feminine space more fluid and less tied down than the more rigid, inert domestic, feminine spaces in traditional mainstream society. when you combine it with how his character has been fem-coded - even as li xiangyi (eg. yin-coded powers/energy) (also a whole other meta on its own... edit: it's here now), it speaks to a part of him that has always found appeal in qualities conventionally associated with femininity of stability, gentleness and non-aggression. and a rejection of expectations to fight and destroy. he is defining who he is in his own terms, in the true spirit of jianghu.

[arom-antix]

@fishshit I consider your post canon so I made it

Edit: I FOUND IT

Edit 2: Yakov trauma

Edit 3: I lied, here's the design rant

[turndecassette2]

so I keep seeing ppl on other places saying tumblr is selling all 'content' hosted on here for some 'ai' ppl to train their models on? is this true? should I delete this blog just to be safe, not militantly anti-ai but the idea of some tech man selling my art for money bothers me a bit & feels like it should be illegal ha ha

[inamagicalhallucination]

my toxic trait is i get really annoyed when ppl make atsushi and akutagawa's relationship about dazai

[sunflowerdales]

I won't lie, I've been in fandom spaces long enough to have genuine worry about how the sudden popularity of this ship is gonna evolve into something nasty.

I can only hope the majority of people will be respectful to each other, mature, and not allow what is supposed to be a bit of fun turn into a space that sexualises abuse or have people be bigoted in any sort of way towards each other, etc.

But that takes a collective effort to try and prevent such a thing. Please please please respect each other, respect the actors, respect the devs, and let this community be welcoming, okay?

[mattodore]

if i can get these hair ties to work first try i'll be unstoppable

[jigencaps]

just got so supremely fucking pissed off seeing everyone on insta reposting that useless ai all eyes on rafah pic, just wanted to say here first off if youre a zionist fuck off i already said it in my pinned and secondly there are soooooooo many resources at this point advising how you can help. obviously not everyone is able to donate (check out operation olive branch if you are able to) but anyone can find email and call templates for representatives and try to get involved in protests and follow bds. please do something if you can!!!!!!!

[thenegoteator]

[disposal-blueeee]

VARGASTOBER - day 1 : edgar vargas