#I was thinking about including the next shot of his brain turning off as he decides to do a bratty sub to puppy sub speedrun

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

Elim Garak: fucking around vs finding out

[norman-fucking-reedus]

I’m absolutely obsessed with your writing! I was hoping I could request a one-shot where Daryl and fem!reader are married. They are working on separate outdoor projects but Daryl can’t stop watching the reader throughout the day. The dirtiest thoughts cross his mind as he watches her. Later that evening when they are home and finally alone he recreates all those thoughts with her throughout the night. Daryl has a pleasure and praise kink, includes oral, Daryl loves going down on the reader!

*Set during later Alexandria or Commonweath era (Daryl never goes to France!)

STOP IT RIGHT TF NOW ANON CAUSE WHY HAVENT I THOUGHT OF A PLEASURE KINK. DROOLING RN

Heres me admitting im only on season 9 of TWD so this takes place in Alexandria 😿

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Daryl was going to simply pass away and die.

He hated his own mind for it’s never-ending thoughts, even more so when he had a literal job to be doing. His racing thoughts had been distracting him the whole day, occasionally using the wrong tool, knocking something over, and even almost spilling all the oil at one point.

It was just the way your hips looked, so well rounded in those jeans, shirt clinging to your body as you walked quickly with your own tasks in mind, not noticing your husband’s hardcore staring.

His mind was bursting with thoughts of what horribly dirty things he wanted to do to you. Sometimes he physically can’t wrap his head around how he ended up with someone like you. All Daryl could think about was just how bad he wanted to fuck you, cock already stirring to life in his pants.

No. No. He had to stay focused. He couldn’t be seen not doing his task and also now needed to hide the tent forming in his pants. It was worse that he was out in the open, having been assigned to work on the cars to keep them running longer.

You had been assigned to ask around to see what was needed for the next run, only for some reason you had timed yourself to get to everyone in under an hour, hence your quick pace and focused gaze. Daryl had seen you walk past at least three times, each time you sped past while furiously scribbling on a notepad. He felt like a teenager watching and obsessing over his crush.

God, he was so ready to blow himself up, staring down at under the hood of one of the cars used for runs. He forced his mind to focus on fixing shit instead of wandering off. Rick had been saying that the brakes had been failing, only Daryl couldn’t exactly do much without a jackstand.

He decided to test the car battery instead since it had been having trouble starting. Stepping around the car to the toolbox, he almost tripped as you bumped right into him. “Bulky bitch!” You yelped as you fell down onto your ass, dropping your pen and paper. Daryl gently but quickly pulled you to your feet, picking your stuff up. “Tha’ hell ya runnin’ from girl?” He stepped closer to you, sliding a hand to your waist. “I’m a very busy woman with places to be and times to beat” You rolled your eyes, yet smiled softly at Daryl. “Too busy fer me now?” You nodded, leaning up as if to kiss him but going for his ear instead. “Very busy” You whispered sweetly, placing a faint kiss on his cheek before speeding away again.

Daryl simply stood there with his cock straining harshly against the fabric of his pants, cock pulsating as he could feel himself leaking pre-cum. He should just blow his goddamn brains out, now.

He slammed the hood of the car shut and climbed inside, dropping his head onto the steering wheel. It felt like his head was about to fall off with how many filthy thoughts were flooding in. You were the biggest tease and absolutely knew it, sweat dripping down his face as he tried to silence his brain, hands gripping the steering wheel. He wasn’t about to jerk off inside a car with the clearest windows ever, at that point he might as well do it out in the open.

While Daryl was suffering silently, you were simply serene as you rocked on the porch swing of your house, turning in the list to Rick right before your timer hit fifteen minutes. You toyed with the ring on your finger, smiling down as you thought of how Daryl refused to get you something small. He had found a jewelry shop out on a secret run and spent an hour overthinking and questioning himself before finding the perfect ring. It was a sliver band with clusters of smaller diamonds around a larger one that so happened to be the shape of a skull, matching the one he wore every day. He smashed the glass without a second thought.

You smile fondly, also remembering that the same man was probably struggling to do his work. Getting him super worked up was your favorite thing to do as he basically melted in your hands the second he stepped foot inside.

Speaking of inside, you had stepped in earlier to change out your underwear, switching into a black thong you found. You could practically feel Daryl’s hands roaming your body, shivers running down your spine at the tingling sensation.

Whilst you were enjoying yourself, Daryl was still sitting in the car, staring down at the steering wheel as he tried to focus his mind on anything else, aside from the cocky sway of your hips, and the ghost of your lips against his ears.

He needed to get off badly. The only thing really stopping him were these shitty windows, however he proceeded to begin rubbing his hand on his clothed cock, letting out a shaky moan. Daryl slammed his hands back onto the steering wheel, gripping it tightly as he tried to recenter himself. He thought for a moment, sweat rolling down the back of his neck.

The car door swung open and he kicked it shut behind him, walking quickly to avoid anyone who might wanna talk, quickly making his way back home. He passed Carol, who was sitting out on her swing. She waved and he gave a short wave back, trying his hardest to keep his hard-on concealed as he sped past.

He stepped heavily up the stairs, the wooden porch creaking under his weight as he opened and shut the front door. It was remotely quiet as he kicked his shoes off next to yours, tearing his shirt off as he stomped upstairs to your shared bedroom, where he found you in one of his shirts lying on your stomach reading a book, closing it at the sound of your husband's arrival. “Already stripping nude for me, Dixon?” You pushed yourself onto your knees and he approached the bed, grabbing your face rougher than intended and crashing his lips onto yours.

It seemed like in that moment, Daryl’s hyperactive mind finally shut itself down, his shoulders relaxing as his hands held your soft face, licking into your mouth desperately. Your hands wrapped around his neck, fingers splayed out on his upper back as he moved to join you on the bed, readjusting you so your legs rested comfortably on either side of his hips. There was a burning desire in his gut as he sucked harshly on your skin, grinding against you as he did.

Daryl’s hands stayed locked at your hips, massaging and groping the flesh as he continued marking up your whole body, practically eating you. He reached your boobs and ran his tongue over the right one and started to suck deep marks into the sensitive flesh.

His hips picked up speed, becoming erratic before burying his face in space between your boobs, shaking as he literally came in his pants. It was the hottest thing you’d seen. “Feeling better?” You whispered breathlessly, watching him groan and lift himself sluggishly off your chest. “M’not done yet” His words were slightly slurred as he leaned back on his knees, hands fumbling to undo his pants.

You eventually reached down to unzip his zipper, and he was back on you instantly, shoving his boxers down enough to free his hard and dripping cock, precum pouring from the puffy tip. “God, Daryl, you’re so needy tonight” You moaned as he pulled down your pajama shorts, eyes staring down at the black thong. “Yes tha’ hell I am” He whispered, hands sliding up your sides and he slid down, cock pulsing as he got a look at your cunt even with the thong on. There was just so much he wanted to do to you that it was overwhelming his senses.

He ran his tongue up and in between your folds, tasting you through the measly garment. He rubbed circles in your clit as his tongue explored every inch, slipping past the thong and into your entrance, causing your brain to short-circuit as he worked you to release, especially since his own was drying in his underwear. Alongside his tongue, Daryl eased two fingers in, stretching and scissoring you open, his tongue going in much deeper and curling. “Fuck yes, baby just like that” You bit your bottom lip harshly, sliding your own fingers down to stimulate your clit, knowing how to push yourself off the edge quicker. He got so fucking hard at the sight of you playing with yourself, even more so that it was your ring finger, the diamond skull standing out as your fingers sped up. Daryl pulled his tongue out, continuing to move his fingers as he licked your clit, a strangled sob coming from you as you came.

Daryl settled for unleashing another attack on your torso while you recovered from your orgasm, licking, kissing, sucking, and biting at the smooth flesh of your stomach, one hand holding your thigh over his shoulder, and the other resting right by your boob, his thumb teasingly stroking the skin under it. He felt every curse, moan and gasp you let out, licking right in between your already marked boobs, kissing the junction of your throat all the way up to your lips. The head of his cock nudged your pussy slightly, and the heat of the kiss had you dizzy. “C’mon handsome, I can’t wait much longer” You batted your lashes at him, running your hand down his one of his big arms, your ring shimmering in the dim lamp light.

Your other hand slid in between your bodies to shift your soaked thong to the side, pulling him closer by wrapping your legs around his waist. He used one hand to steady his cock, and gripped the headboard as he slammed in, two of you moaning in unison. Daryl’s cock was more sensitive than ever, eyes rolling to the back of his skull as he readjusted himself, pounding roughly into you as you gripped his bicep.

Daryl’s thrusts were relentless as he kept his pace up, bed creaking and headboard slamming as he panted like a dog, watching the way his cock was sliding in and out of you, a giant wet spot forming on his jeans as he showed no signs of stopping. “My big strong man, always fucking me so good with your fat cock” You bit down on your lips as one of your hands came to rest on his cheek. He turned his face to the side, kissing your palm while staring into your eyes with a lovingly lustful gaze. “M’all yers, m’gon always give my woman wha’ she wants” His voice was raspy and breathless against your hand before he locked your fingers together, pinning your hands onto the mattress and dipping his head down to press his forehead against yours, simply panting into each others spaces.

From how tightly you were holding hands, your rings dug into one another’s fingers, and it only turned Daryl on more. You were his and he was yours. “M’so proud ta call ya Mrs. Dixon. Gon fill ya up w all my kids” He whispered, bumping his strangely cold button nose against yours. “Let’s just start with one?” Your voice sounded foreign to your ears, and by the way Daryl’s hips had sped up you could tell he was close “Not one now!” You shrieked, nails digging into his hands as he railed your sweet spot, orgasm already hitting him incredibly hard as he practically laughed in your ear from how hard he came, pulling out just a little too late.

He fell on top of you, but recoiled when something wet touched his navel, eyes flickering down to see his cum soaking into the black fabric of your thong and seeping out your hole. “Gonna clean that up for me?” You winked suggestively at him, and he lowered himself to be eye level with your messy cunt, massive hands spreading you further apart as he licked his lips. “Yes ma’am”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I made myself very horny writing this but I also kept falling asleep as I was writing

also I based both rings off Normans ring :3 (he should put his finger in my body)

© norman-fucking-reedus 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified, or adpated to any other platform. You may translate my works with my asked and given consent.

[bedoballoons]

All of this was amazing and then I saw the cheese stick as the favourite food and went- YESSSSSSS!!! Love this request, love cheese sticks and SUMERU BOYYSS. I miss them :(

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ❄️𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ❄️

{༻~Cheese stickies~༺}

CW: GN! Reader, Slight Tsundere vibes for the reader, fluffy! One mention of Wanderer calling the reader a idiot! One curse word...and yes Wanderer gets it :)

(Includes: Tighnari, Kaveh, Alhaitham, Wanderer, and Cyno!)

𑁍༄Tighnari:

Tighnari sighed as you shut the door tightly behind you, clearly upset that he'd forgotten your date night. He'd truly just gotten to busy with his forest ranger duties and didn't even realise it was today...buuut that still wasn't a good enough excuse to forget a date you set aside every week to spend time together and he knew that.

"How about I make it up to you? I'll take you out to shoot my bow like you've been wanting to?" He rested against the shut door, his ears twitching as he waited for your response..., "Guess not..." He bit his lip, thinking it over and then it hit him.

He smiled slyly and pushed off the door, his tail swaying behind him as he lit a fire, starting the process of making your all time favourite food. "I think I'll just make some cheese sticks then and spend the rest of the night alone..." He spoke loudly, knowing you'd hear him even with the door closed...there's no shot this didn't work.

"You're forgiven!" He jumped as you somehow appeared next to him, tummy growling and your face warm from the pan as you looked inside it happily. You're date night was now the least of your worries, "You're making lots right?!"

𑁍༄Kaveh:

"I'm truly sorry, I was so caught up in my new designs and what was going on with my work that I didn't even remember our date night...We could start now! I'll get out some snacks and we could watch the clouds?!" He smiled at you hopefully, but in return you just gave him a pouty face and turned away, not entertained by the idea in the slightest.

Had it been watching the stars at night like you were supposed to then you'd happily oblige, but no. This was the next day and you weren't gonna let him off that easily.

"Hmm" He touched his chin in thought, looking around your home for any ideas on how to fix the mess he'd made...untill his eyes landed on a picture of you two at the most recent festival. He was carrying prizes both of you had won and you were eating a large cheese stick with a smile he didn't even realise was possible. That was by far one of your funnest dates and it was the first time he'd heard of your favourite food..

Favourite food...

"Ah I know!" You looked at him curiously as he hurried into the kitchen, scrambling to collect your recipe book and the necessary ingredients. It didn't take long till you figured out what he was up to, the delicious aroma of fried, stretchy, yummy cheese sticks hitting you in waves. Any thoughts of the missed date absolutely escaping your brain as you stood next to him hungrily. "Forgiven!! Can I have a big plate! Please!!"

𑁍༄Alhaitham:

"Our date night was tonight? My bad, I thought it was tomorrow. I'm already reading my newest book collection, how about we go tomorrow instead?"

You stared daggers at him, clearly annoyed by his casual calmness over your forgotten date, over the night that was supposed to be the one you shared... "We can't go tomorrow, the reservation was for tonight...I sat there waiting for a hour! Do you not care? Ugh!" You stomped away from him, leaving him slightly stunned...

He closed his book with a loud snap, watching you slam the door behind you and sit in your shared room all alone. He felt bad to say the least, even with all the time he spent with you he still wasn't entirely sure how to handle situations like this one...he stood up and stepped towards the door, pausing once he saw the kitchen.

Your conversation about the restaurant you'd made the reservation at suddenly coming back to him. The only reason you wanted to go to that one was because they had your favourite food for cheap...and it was something that could be easily made..

He switched gears, walking to one of his shelves of books and searching for his recipe books, "Ah, here we go." He flicked through the pages until he found the one he was looking for, "Cheese sticks...not very creative name wise..." He heard movement in the room and pretended not to notice as you peaked out at him.

"No, that would never work. They won't forgive me just because I make them this.."

"YOU'RE FORGIVEN! I mean...ahem, I'll think about it if you make them.."

𑁍༄Wanderer:

Wanderer huffed, trying to ignore the guilty feeling tugging at his non existent heart...it wasn't his fault Nahida had added a extra class for him to take care of and in return he forgot your date night. If anything it was you idiot fault for not reminding him more! No...that wasn't far to you, even he could see that he was in the wrong...and you'd reminded him at least four times before the day even arrived..

"Shit." He muttered under his breath. He looked at you as you sat as far away from him as possible, ignoring his existence the best you could with him in the same room as you. How could he fix this..."What do you want...kisses or cuddles or something?" You shook your head and scootched impossibly closer to the wall you were already up against.

He sighed in annoyance, not knowing what else you'd like or want so he could be forgiven. He felt bad, but that didn't mean he'd get on his knees and beg for forgiveness or buy you something worth millions of mora. You probably wouldn't like anything he bought you anyways...your favourite things were always those stupid-

He interrupted himself mid thought, leaving his spot so he could start preparing your food...he never cooked for anyone else and even though he cooked for you it was rare, but he knew this would make you smile at least. "Hey, do we have those cheese things...I'll fry some up.."

You instantly perked up, your attention snapping to him, "You're making cheese sticks??"

"...will you forgive me if I do...and I promise I won't miss another date night?"

"YES!!"

𑁍༄Cyno:

Cyno looked at you apologetically, he felt horrible knowing he'd missed the date you'd been looking forward to and even worse that it was because of a scheduling error on his part, "I'm sorry, I should have been more careful with my planning. How about I tell you a few jokes and we go for a walk, I've learned some really good ones from a book Alhaitham lent me..."

You shook your head and sat down at the table, doodling non existent things with your finger...your bottom lip stuck out in a pouty way. "It's to warm out to go for a walk...and even though I usually like your jokes, those don't make up for our date night.."

He figured as much, still he didn't want to just leave it on that...so how could he make it up to you? Suddenly he had a idea and if a light bulb could appear above his head it would have, because this idea was genius. "This might be cheesy...but perhaps we could cook some cheese sticks together instead? I know you love them~"

You tried not to smile at his silly pun, but before you knew it you had a big grin and were hurrying to help him make your favourite food. "I guess I can forgive you, after all, we should stick together. Get it?"

"You're even cheesier than me..."

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚~Have a nice day!~*⁠.⁠✧

[morallyinept]

Frankie's Way - A Francisco Morales One Shot

Summary: When Santi turns up at Fish's door with a lofty proposal, you can't help but see red at the thought of losing your man again. My version of a possible TF2 opener.

Word Count: 3.5k

Pairing: Frankie Morales x F!Reader (No physical description of reader, it's you, bub.)

Scoville Smut Rating: 🌶🌶🌶 "You tell me I'm doing well, and then, you try to kill me."

Check out my Scoville Smut Ratings here.

Explicit: Oral (F receiving) because Frankie is king/ fingering. Some mild violence towards the end. Nothing heavy.

NSFW. MINORS DNI! OVER 18’s ONLY. YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU READ. ☝🏻Don’t come at me - you’ve been plenty warned. 

Authors Note: So, listen. I got to thinking, based off of this ramble about the TF2 news yesterday, and in typical Jett fashion, my brain conjured up a scene in where Santi arrives to rope Frankie into the mission, when I was trying to get some shut eye last night. And I couldn't not write it down.

You can also thank @missredherring for this, because I couldn't stop thinking about her added scene with Frankie's missus' part in it too.

There's some mild Spanish. I've not included any translations because there's not a lot, and it's easy enough to Google.

Enjoy! 🖤

MASTERLIST

"She's finally asleep..." Frankie says to you, his voice low and gravelly, as he pulls the door gently behind him.

He rubs his palms listlessly and hovers by the door like a Rottweiler ready to take up a solid position to be on guard there all night. And he would, but you won't allow him to. The separation will be good for him.

"She'll be fine. C'mon, Papi." You tug him by the arm gently as he glances back at the small crack, listening for any snuffle or gurgle that his daughter would make. The fraught, yet forlorn look on his face tugs at your heartstrings, but you're resolute in dragging him to the kitchen. 

It's been a long, arduous process; getting him to put her down in the crib to sleep. More often than not, you've pushed the door open, wondering why he's not in bed with you, to see him on the chair with Gigi asleep on his chest and him dozing off with an uncomfortable crick in his neck that would make him grumpy the next day.

But you miss your man; the absence of him lately in more ways than one. And Gigi needs to learn to sleep without the cradle of her father's protective arms.

It's early in the evening, the sky marred by the onslaught of rain that's been pittering for most of the day, and after some dinner, for which he has a second helping, you and Frankie are curled up on the couch with some modern western love story on in the background about a cowboy and a sheriff.

But you're not paying attention to it. No. Frankie's soft, pliable body is on top of yours gently nipping indented tracks in your neck.

Your fingers scooch down around the hem of his shirt and stroke the soft paunch there that seems more pudgy these days.

You pinch it and he groans with a smile. "Didn't know Gigi had another sibling on the way." You tease and he nips harder on your skin making your toes curls deliciously.

"No te burles de mi, querida." Frankie's hands come up and rub your stomach. He pulls up your shirt and plants kisses on the skin now ribboned with faint stretch marks. "Maybe you need another one putting in here."

"No. We're tying a knot in it until she's at least three." You giggle and he chuckles with a breathy grizzle back.

You knock the damn cap off of his head, dragging him closer to you by the curls around his ears. His lips find yours and you breathe out, a gentle sigh wafting into his mouth.

It's been too fucking long. And Frankie's been a rock. He's stepped up, even when you had your doubts, your concerns.

Even when he went off on his wild goose chase to wherever the fuck it was he went with the boys, leaving you knocked up with swollen ankles and a constantly aching back, and returned even more worse for wear than he was before he left.

You were worried that he'd sink again, that he'd slip from your fingers into a pile of the cloudy, white stuff, but surprisingly he hadn't let go of his sobriety. He hadn't. He'd held onto that milestone coin he kept in his pocket, pulling out to squeeze it in his fist when things got dark.

And things were dark for a while.

He came back, different. Withdrawn. With secrets and a fellow man down. He never told you what happened exactly on that trip. What happened to Tom. Didn't want to talk about it. And you didn't poke the bear.

At Redfly's funeral he and the boys seemed... strained. Distant. No more fight nights and beers after watching Benny clobber faces in the ring. No more barbecues and football at Will's place. Santi was missing from the service. And Frankie never brought it up.

Instead, he threw himself into finishing the crib and painting little ducklings on the walls in the nursery, which weren't really ducks, more so fuzzy chicklets in golden yellow acrylic puffs. Dabbed lopsided on the wall by a man who was far from a skilled artist, but you loved them nonetheless.

He went to work relentlessly; unlimited overtime in a small chop shop in town, fixing up used engine parts and bringing home money that despite the long hours, still didn't seem like it lasted very long.

You'd cut back. No more manicures. No more expensive brands, opting for the cheaper ones on the bargain shelves in the grocery store. No more bar nights and Frankie was home with you almost constantly.

And yet, you'd never been so far apart.

Waking in the night when Gigi would kick your stomach like running a touchdown, his side of the bed was empty. Cold. You'd find him sat in the overgrown garden, which he kept meaning to mow, with a warm, flat beer staring out at the sky, only moving to walk you back to bed. Or on the couch asleep with the luminescence of the TV casting shadows over his worn face.

Frankie was ageing in front of you, faster than you it appeared, and you longed to carry some of that load that he was so insistent he manage by himself.

It made you question everything. Long nights spent alone, even though his ghost was there in the house ruminating with you somewhere, you had never felt more alone.

Clutching the globe of your bulging stomach, you wondered if it would be better to just walk away. Anything was better than this.

But it all changed when Gigi was born.

Frankie was there puffing through the breaths with you as you screamed into his face that this was all his fault. The pain, oh God the pain was... worth it. When she came out, it was like something in Frankie pulled back and peeled open to reveal bruised flesh.

He held that tiny, gooey bundle in his arms and cried. Cried harder than you have ever seen a grown man weep. You're convinced he was letting something else go too that day. And you're glad he did.

Since then, he hadn't put her down. As far as father's go, he's the best. He'd been the one to feed her during the night so you could sleep some more. The one to change her diapers so you could eat the banana pancakes he'd made for you. He pushed the pram down the aisles at the grocery store cooing at her, and grabbing a stuffed animal each time that he said she would love.

Even though you couldn't really afford it. Even though the pile at the end of her crib was bigger than the Matterhorn and threatened to crush her in its ply softness. But seeing them bond over a stupid, six-dollar stuffed giraffe made you smile.

He doted, stepped up. He seemed like Frankie again.

But yet there was still an ache between you. Needs and wants for Frankie to put his hands over you again; to put his mouth on you the way he used to. You needed him. God, you fucking wanted him after watching how he always was with Gigi. That paternal instinct of his making you crazy and now, you were determined to have him. It had been too fucking long.

If Gigi woke and cried you were determined to just let her work through it herself. You needed your man to hold you, to tell you he still loved you. To make you come for him as he held you down by the wrists and pumped you full of that love. 

"Hermosa," Frankie whined as your hand slipped down to the obvious bulge straining against his denim and squeezed gently. You'd missed the weight of him, how he would pack out your throat as he fucked it. Your mouth salivated, remembering the taste of him.

Gasping into you, his kisses became heated, desperate.

Frankie drew back, those big browns regarding you as you fingered through his greying scruff that was wild and patchy. His curls more wayward and unruly. His tan skin a little more plump around his cheeks and eyes. God, he was fucking beautiful.

Kissing the tips of your fingers delicately and sucking your thumb into his mouth, you became aware of his hands undoing your jeans. He tugged gently, pulling your panties with them all the way down your legs as he slid them off. Oh, thank God.

His eyes dropped to your centre, to that seam that glistened and called to him. He'd missed it. Yearned for it, but each time the wave of lust came, the tiredness crushed it out of him. He can't remember the last time he came. Even knocking one out in the shower seemed like a distant memory he couldn't recall.

He licked his lips, lowering himself down further on the couch, groaning as the swell of him brushed against the cushions and made his hips jerk into them.

He eyed you as he kissed up your thighs gently, delicately. His large hands on them and splaying you apart further. Your cunt lips unsticking from each other, opening as wide as he wanted you.

"Fuck, you're so wet for me already," Frankie husked. He ran his nose up the side of your inner thigh and revelled in your quaking. Your hands twisted inside of his crown, snaking through his hair, and tugging at it.

"Frankie," you whined as he drew close again, his breath cooling your heat. "Need you..." you murmured, contorting in your agony.

"I know, baby. I've missed this pussy so much."

Another kiss on your thigh. One more just above your clit and you feel it then; the graze of his fuzzy chin and whine out - a little too loudly.

Frankie smirks then immediately stills; listening out for Gigi.

"She's asleep." You remind him and he nods, accepting it, albeit reluctantly.

"Use this." He tosses a cushion up towards you and you press it to your mouth anyway. You groan out into its marshmallow fibres as he licks a fat stripe with a flat tongue all the way up your pussy.

Your thighs buck and tremble and his hands flatten them still. He breathes out as he runs his tongue around his mouth, savouring the taste of you. Remembering.

He pulls you apart, spreading your lips to reveal your drenched hole and engorged clit.

"Mmm," he strangles a groan. He suckles on it gently, swirling his tongue around and around and your squeals into the cushion are ragged and howling.

"Fuck!" He hears you gasp as he suctions his lips around your bud and sucks on it deeply.

His tongue traverses the hilt of it, the spongy flesh so tasty and sugary in his mouth. He licks down, flicking up and catching your clit, then dipping at the very entrance to your hole where he teases out more of your slick to swallow and circles around again on that bundle of nerves. Driving you utterly fucking crazy as he feasts between your legs like a man starved. And he has been, starved of you.

Your back is arching, your thighs are shaking as the puffs of warm air from Frankie's nostrils on your mound become scorching. He dives in fully; tongue sliding down into your hole, nose pressed to your clit and hums in satisfaction as he fucks it.

"F-Frankie!" You're biting at the cushion now, tearing it apart with razor teeth as your orgasm peeks it head out from around the hill. Hello, old friend. Thrashing and gasping for air that doesn't quite fill your lungs. That tightness in your belly; that heavy feeling of dread and worry, seems to melt away as he sucks it all out of you.

You've needed this, this release. This comfort and reassurance from him; this confirmation of desire that he still wants you, still finds you sexy now that your body has changed from childbirth. Fuck, you've needed it for so long and now that he's finally giving it to you, it's too much.

You feel the glittered heat of the sun burn your face, blinding you. Your body feels floaty; your eyes heavy as they roll back into your skull and you fully let go.

His hand reaches up to clasp yours. Thick, calloused fingers interlocking tightly with yours. You squeeze back as he rubs his thumb over the hilt of your knuckles. It's okay, baby.

It's him. The reassurance that you've desperately needed for so long. You've needed Frankie. You've needed his mouth, his tongue, his cock. His love. It's enough to make your eyes water. It's okay.

You blink and tears fall as Frankie still tongues your orgasm out of you and into his wanting mouth. He lets go of your hand and charges back to your clit, watching it for a second as it pulses of its own accord. He knows it's so sensitive right now so he licks it gently. A little flick. A little kiss. A soft little blow of his breath. But your body jolts like you've been Tasered. Crushed by a tidal wave.

He slips two fingers inside you; you feel them fill you and stretch you. He curls them in just the right way and already it's unbearable.

"You've got another one," he says nodding when you shake your head. "Give it to me. Eres tan jodidamente, hermosa."

His chin is sticky, shiny. A string of your slick caught in his scruff that shimmers in the TV light like a diamond.

Your reach for him, bring it to your tongue and lick it up. You taste so good from Frankie's moustache. His tongue darts into your mouth as you whimper. His fingers fucking deep and against that spot that makes your back arch and your cunt clench around him.

He steadies you with his other hand against your lower back, pulling you closer, deeper onto his fingers.

You want him. You want him inside of you, filling you up with another baby. Want him fucking the shit out of you and peppering your face with those feral growls when he comes.

You nip on his bottom lip, sucking it between your teeth as you gasp and tense. Your thighs shudder, your hands fist in his plaid collar. Your forehead crushes into his as you gush over his fingers sliding harder in and out of you. "That's it, like that. So fucking hot." He croons.

He pushes them in deeper, harder against your spot and you lose your shit entirely. He kisses you to silence your scream. Swallowing down muffled chokes of his name. Of your pleasure. Of your undying love for your Catfish.

He pulls out those shiny digits gently; thumb caressing your clit as you jolt and shake from the overstimulation. You giggle and he smiles at you, and it's like flying too close to the sun.

You can only watch, destroyed and without a functioning brain, as he brings them to his mouth and sucks them clean; humming in satisfaction as he tastes you again.

You're about to reach for his painfully hard cock; free it from his jeans when a loud knock on the door makes you both jump back to reality.

"Who t'fuck is that?" Frankie hisses, jumping up. He reaches for his cap on the floor as you reach for your jeans, a flush warming your cheeks.

The knock comes again, louder this time and the panic in Frankie's eyes swarm at you.

"They'll fucking wake the baby!" He growls, storming out the lounge and towards the front door. You smile at his protectiveness. Gigi's a lucky girl.

He wipes at his mouth, his chin frantically. The slick of your cunt like oil in his facial hair that won't dilute. He can smell you all over his face and his cock knows it too by the way it throbs.

Frankie yanks the front door open, ready to clock the son of a bitch hammering on it, but is stunned into inaction as Santi stands before him, drenched, on the other side.

"Hermano." Santi says, a small, but wary smile on the crack of his lips.

Frankie's frozen momentarily, but then yields as he steps out into the rain-soaked porch barefooted and envelopes Santi in his arms. Santi hugs him back, fists clasped together around his compañero's broad back as they both laugh in some jarred disbelief.

"Demasiado tiempo, hermano," Frankie sighs.

Your smile dissipates when you hear a familiar voice seeping in through the hall. No. He wouldn't dare. No fucking way.

"Shit. Look at you." Santi says, knocking Frankie's chin playfully as he blushes.

Frankie turns to invite him in, but Santi's stopped by your fist colliding with his jaw.

"You motherfucker!" You screech at him.

The thud against his face stuns Santi for a moment. Benny taught you how to throw a decent right hook well, it seems.

"Whoa!" Frankie holds you back; thick arms around your waist as he lifts you off the ground as you scramble fiercely like Scrappy-Doo. You're yelling and cursing obscenities; jumbled Spanish words that don't make any sense. Frankie shushes you, but you don't care if Gigi wakes. No. You just want to kill Santi as you battle through the red mist.

"Easy, baby. Easy." Frankie reassures you.

"You've got some fucking nerve." You bite to Santi when Frankie puts you down finally as you still.

Santi rubs at his jaw and nods. "I'm sorry, cariño." Those tired and weary brown eyes of his bore into you sincerely, and you feel your shoulders release some of the wrangled tension, albeit unwillingly.

You want to hate him. Make him suffer for dragging Frankie away on whatever stupid fucking mission it was that made him come back withdrawn and empty. That made you almost lose him. You want to loathe Santi for always showing up and throwing chaos into Frankie's life when he finds some bearing.

You want to, you really want to, but you can't. Because Frankie loves him, and you do too, despite yourself.

"Asshole." You sneer to him, folding your arms.

"I missed you too." Santi smiles lightly.

The three of you stand there, in the rain, unmoving. Mute. Just stunned by Santi on the porch. He adjusts his heavy backpack on his shoulder, rainwater dripping from his eyelashes.

Frankie speaks first. "You're back then?"

Santi shakes his head. "No. Not permanently."

"So, this is a social call, is it?" You question shivering as the damp takes up root in your shirt.

"I need you, Fish." Santi begins and you immediately shake your head. You know what that means. Whenever Santiago 'Pope' Garcia needs something it's always an offer that comes with a heavy price.

"No." You confirm vehemently. "No."

"Baby." Frankie stiffens his voice, hissing.

It quells you as you shake your head viciously. "I'm not losing you again." You say to him.

"You never will." Frankie assures. He turns to Santi. "What do you need?" He asks, his chin cocking towards his oldest friend; his fellow comrade. The man that both he, and you, know that Frankie will do anything for.

Santi fishes in his pocket and pulls out some crumpled bit of paper. Placed inside Frankie's palm, he reads a couple of sets of numbers.

"Co-ordinates?"

Santi nods. "Will and his numbers, man."

"Is this for real?" Frankie asks. "Don't be making this shit up, not after-"

"It's real." Santi confirms.

"Fuck." Frankie breathes through the catch in his throat.

He's dreamt of this. Conjured up his own plans for a mission on how he could possibly birth this into fruition. He'd do it right. No fuck ups. A hard out if he needed to.

But he always came up empty because he had no fucking clue where it was exactly they'd left all that dirty money. Wrestling constantly with his own regret. His own stupidity; his own morals at agreeing to give his share of the money they had brought back to Tom's family. It was the right thing to do. A small consolation to those girls without a daddy anymore. Yeah.

But a part of him still hated himself on the daily for it. Hated how he couldn't make life better for you. Hated how you both had to struggle and just get by on his paltry income doing something he loathed now, not flying anymore, when his hands had held millions in them once.

Frankie takes off his cap and runs his hand through his hair and plonks it back on and sighs. You watch as Frankie retreats to the step and sits himself down on it with a wet thud.

"What is it?" You question. Frankie looks up at you, eyes molten and reluctant. But he can't keep this from you anymore.

"We're going to get it. We need you." Santi presses.

"We? You sweettalked Benny and Will already?" Frankie confirms nodding. Of course he had.

"All of us have to go back. Together." Santi confirms. "Need my best pilot."

Frankie snickers, his shoulders rising and falling as he absorbs it, works through the possibilities. The successes. The simplicities. The mourning of leaving you alone again. Of leaving Gigi. Even for just one night seems unbearable.

You stand there, toes numbing out to the cold and wet as Frankie looks up at you earnestly.

He speaks to Santi, but looks at you. Eyes locked on yours. "I've got the baby now. I have to come back. We can't fuck this up."

You start to sink a little. But Frankie's eyes confirm to you that whatever this is, it's worth the risk.

Santi nods too. "In and out. No-one knows it's there but us."

You shake your head slowly, but Frankie nods once at you. It's okay, baby. We're gonna be okay.

Frankie turns to Santi and stands. "Whatever plan you have, scrap it. We're doing this my fucking way or not at all. You hear me?"

MASTERLIST

Gah! I am excited at the prospect of a Frankie part 2 in a possible TF2! Hope you enjoyed this! Re-blogs & comments fuel me. Ta muchly! 🖤

[nia-writes]

Headcannons of Jealous and possessive Ghost and Konig 😙😙

Please include:

1. What they would say/do to the other person if they were flirting with you

2. What they would say/do to you if you were being flirted with

3. Smut HC for jealous angry fucking hehe

4. Would they apologise for being possessive and jealous

Thank you

Hi~ I absolutely love this request! Thank you for sending it <3 I got a bit carried away~ also I’m just learning to write smut so please don’t judge too hard

Minors DNI!! 18+

A/N: female reader! NSFW, rough sex, the boys being mean, fingering, choking let me know if I missed any a little OOC Konig?

My requests are open~~

Ghosty~

Gimme jealous Ghost-

You’re at the bar with the 141, after successful mission

Of course, Johnny, Gaz and yourself were having a drinking competition- while Price gives his disappointed dad stare.

Simon’s eyes never left you, each passing second he was growing more and more possessive.

He hated the way his other teammates touched you, even though it’s innocent. The way Johnny playfully nudges you, or when Gaz rests his arm on your shoulder.

He knew it was innocent- but he couldn’t stop the growing jealousy in his chest.

You lost a game of cards, it’s your turn to buy some drinks. As you got up from your seat, you ruffled Johnny’s mohawk, Simon growled at that, his mask muffled the noise.

As you wait by the bar, playing with your necklace, a man slips himself next to you. He was friendly- funny, a bit flirty but you shot him down immediately.

Simon was not happy. He grew possessive, his eyes flashed red as he got up from his seat, dashing his way to you.

You noticed him and smiled- telling the other man "This is my boyfriend!" Super proud to call him that.

But Simon was already in a fit of jealousy and possessiveness, and before you knew it, he wrapped his shoulders around you, leading you out the bar.

Before he does, he shoots a nasty glare at the man, causing him to leave.

Your eyes widen in surprise, as you glance over at him. "Everything ok, big boy?” You asked, your anxiety only growing as he stays silent.

Simon opened the car door, waiting for you to enter. You give him one last glance before entering, when you did, he slammed the door shut.

The car ride home was silent, not even the sounds of your breathing can be heard. You try to lighten up the mood up a bit, "Is this your new way of talking?” You joked, lightly touching his arm.

"Do you like it when other men touch you?"

This caught you off guard- your eyes widen as your mouth parts. Your brain malfunctions as you try to process his words.

"I- what? No! You know I only want you to!" You reassured, but Simon clicks his tongue.

"Didn’t seem that way, little one."

"Simon? What are you talking about?” It then clicked for you, "Oh! The guy at the bar? He- that was innocent, I swear. I shot him down so quick!" You defended.

Simon stays quiet- and you knew he was jealous.

Once you’re home, he wastes no time in coming to your side, grabbing you by the waist and throwing you over his shoulder. You yelp in surprise, as he harshly smacks your ass.

He doesn’t make it past the door before he’s on you, shoving you against the closed door. His hands trail between your legs, slipping a finger in your panties. "Wet already? Knew it, dirty slut" he growled in your ear.

Before you can respond, he’s turned you around- your front pressed against the door. You hear his belt buckle behind you, your panties get ripped off, before he presses himself to you.

"I’m gonna be rough, baby" he warned, rubbing himself against you.

Simon fucks all his jealousy out on you, over and over again. He won’t play with your clit- doesn’t let you either. He has your hands above your head, fucking you with so much force the door rattles. "You’re going to cum from only my cock"

"Bet you’re thinking of that fucker, aren’t you?" He said, gripping your hips and pressing you closer to him. "Gonna think about him when you cum" he teases, pinching your nipple.

When you do cum, he doesn’t stop his pace- he picks it up instead. He wants you drunk on his cock, the only thing in your mind how good he’s fucking you.

Afterwards, he does apologise. He knows you would never betray his trust, his jealousy and possessiveness got the best of him.

He gives you the best aftercare, cuddling you close while whispering how much he loves you.

König~

König has his leg pressed against yours, his arm behind your head as you both sit peacefully in the common area of the barracks.

Since he’s not into PDA, you both show affection in small ways. Hand holding, arms or legs touching and occasionally, when its just the two of you, small kisses.

You were telling Konig a story about your rookie days, he smiles as he listens, in love with how expressive you are.

When, suddenly, an old friend of yours comes in the common area.

"Y/n!" He exclaimed, a huge smile on his face.

Your eyes shoot up to him, a smile appearing on your face. "Oh my god, Harry!" You rush over to him, hugging him tightly.

While the both of you talk, Koing stares at you, both in hurt and jealousy. He knows you're just excited to see your old friend, but he can’t help but feel a little insecure.

Your excitedly turn to him, "This my boyfriend, Konig!" You introduced, proud of who your partner is.

Harry eyes Konig, with a scoff he turns back to you. "Seriously? you choose that guy..."

Before you can defend your man, Konig is already out the room. You punch Harry in his stomach before running after him, scared that hes hurting.

You enter his room, seeing him on the bed you think hes upset. But, hes angry. Trying to contain himself to not fuck you senseless. You reach over and place a hand on his shoulder, and he snaps.

He grabs your waist and throws you on the bed, straddling you with his weight.

"Konig, i-"

"Shut it." He growled, his hand coming up to your neck, squeezing slightly. "You belong to me. Only me."

His hand trails to your trousers, unbuttoning them before roughly dipping his fingers into your wet heat.

You cry out as his ruthless pace, his fingers not slowing down. "I'm being nice and prepping you, be grateful"

Before you can cum, he removes his fingers. You don't have any time to complain as he enters himself inside. You moan and your fingers grip his arm, hard enough to draw blood.

" This pussy is for me only" he growled, quickening his pace.

Unlike Simon, he bullies your clit. Not letting you have any time to recover as he doesn't stop when you cum.

You don't know how many orgasms he ripped out from you- all you can think about is him.

Afterwards, he's more apologetic than Simon. He went too far with you, and he'd cuddle you close to him, rubbing a soothing hand over your arms and legs.

[raevior]

Just friends !

warnings: drinking

genre/type: fluff, somun x fem!reader, !counter Y/N,

wc: 1.2k

synopsis: Hana invited DoHwi to meet everyone. Once everyone starts drinking, this leads to a confession that everyone has been anticipating.

title track: Can I go back - MC MONG ft Kim Sejeong

a/n: hi everyoneeee :3 I hope you're all doing good and had a great holiday season! I haven't written in a while, but Somun has been intruding my brain recently, so I wanted to write this request I had! thank you @acupnoodle for the request! I hope you enjoy it <3

You and the counters sit at the kitchen table awaiting Hana to bring DoHwi home for you all to meet. He knows nothing about you all being counters, including Hana. 

You and Somun help Ms.Chu set the table while Motak keeps teasing Hana about her long lost lover. “He’s not my boyfriend! He’s just an old friend from school!” she says in defense. “If he was just a ‘friend’, why are you bringing him home to meet your family?” he questions. Hana stays silent and rolls her eyes, punching Motak in the arm. “Stop teasing me and go help them set the table.” she says while walking to her room. 

Motak rubs his bicep, staring at Hana in disbelief. “What has gotten into her…” he whines. “Maybe if you didn’t tease her for 3 hours straight she would be acting differently.” you speak up. “Hey, I was just asking questions!” he says. “Yeah, annoying and personal questions.” Somun says. Motak sighs out, “Wow.. is everyone anti-Motak today?” he cries out. You all laugh as you set the final dishes on the table. 

–

“Guys, this is DoHwi. We went to the same school a few years ago.” she says as if you all don’t know every detail about him already. “and this is Ms.Chu, Somun, Motak and Y/N.” 

DoHwi bows and everyone says their greetings. He joins you all at the table, sitting next to Hana. Before the conversation can start again, you are already whipping out 3 bottles of Soju. You offer Dohwi some, but he declines. “Thank you, but I don’t drink.” he says politely. Somun and Ms.Chu pressure him into “just a sip”, and that one sip eventually turns into 15 sips.

You all are at the table drunkenly laughing and getting to know DoHwi. You start feeling a slight headache coming on so you naturally lay your head on Somuns shoulder. Somun pays no attention to this as this is the norm, but everytime this happens, a light shade of pink creeps onto his cheeks. 

The whole night the attention has been on DoHwi and Hana, so he decides to shift the topic of conversation onto you and Somun. 

“So how long have you been with Somun, Y/N?” he asks. You pick your head up from Somuns shoulder with wide eyes. “Together? With him? Oh my god no.” you say through a stutter. Somun lets out a breathy laugh in agreement, “Yeah, no way I’d ever date her.” 

The table falls silent after the mini panic. Somun clears his throat, breaking the loud and thick silence. “Yeah guys! You two are so cute together! Are you sure there’s nothing going on?” Motak says while leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms. 

An angry pout grows onto your face. Through slurred words you mutter, “I am not dating Somun! We. Are. Just. Friends!” After raising your voice, the headache comes back faster than ever, and you faint onto Somuns lap. 

Somun stares at you while you whine, “Ugh.. Somunie, my head hurts so bad. I think too much I drank.” you say rubbing your head. Somun awkwardly laughs and looks back at the table staring at him with half smiles. “I think you meant to say you drank too much.” he laughs. His face grows into a bright red as he tries to pull you off of him. You whine out as you slowly move your head off his lap. 

DoHwi tilts his head with a smile. “Just friends?” 

“Yessss.” you say, exaggerating your words. You shouldn’t have taken that last shot. Now you are entirely too drunk and can barely think straight. Thankfully, Somun didn’t drink as much as you. 

“We are just close friends. There’s nothing going on between us.” he says as a final statement as a way to change the topic; but knowing how much the counters love to tease, that’s not happening. 

You say under your breath, “Pfft..nothing going on.” you mock. Somuns eyes widen. “Okay! I think it’s Y/N’s bedtime!” he says avoiding the immense embarrassment. Somun goes to grab you shoulder but you shove him off. “I’m fine here.” you say. Somun sighs in slight frustration but lets you have your way, as he always does. 

45 minutes have passed and the conversation has finally made its way onto a different topic. 

“So… Are you and Hana dating?” Somun asks DoHwi. He laughs, “No, we are just friends.” Ms.Chu and Motak sigh, “Why can’t young people just admit they like each other.” Motak speaks up. 

Hana and DoHwi turn red, as well as you and Somun. Ms.Chu and Motak laugh, successfully embarrassing you all. 

You stand up, barely keeping your balance. “Fine! If no one will, I will.” you say. Everyone looks at you in confusion as you turn your attention to Somun, grabbing his face with both hands. “Somunie.. I like you.” you mutter out. Time freezes as you just confessed your feelings to Somun. The table falls silent as everyone is staring at you and Somun. You throw your arms up, “There, are you guys happy now?” you pout, sitting back down. 

Motak stands up and starts clapping. “I knew it! There was definitely something going on!” Somun gives Motak the death stare, but everyone is too drunk to notice. “So, how long has this been going on?” Ms.Chu asks. 

Somun sighs out in defeat, knowing there’s no way he can get himself out of this situation. “Alright look, I didn’t know she liked me! Like we said earlier, there’s nothing going on!” 

“Do you like her back at least?” DoHwi asks. You whine and wrap your arm around Somuns bicep, “Yeah Somun, do you like me too?” you ask, teasing him, secretly wanting to know if your feelings are going to be reciprocated. Somun sighs and sits in silence for a while, until he speaks up. “Yes Y/N. I like you too.” he says, patting your head. 

The table cheers at the sudden confessions. Hana raises her glass in a toast. “To our new couple!” she says as the others clink their glasses. 

–

You wake up at 3am in Somuns bed. Looking around in a slight daze, you find him asleep on the floor with nothing but a thin blanket and a stuffed animal. You step carefully out of bed, sitting on the floor next to him. You play with his hair as he sleeps. “You know Somun, I meant what I said earlier.” you pause “I really do like you. Like really really like you.” you say through a smile. You play with his hair for a little longer before getting up to go back to bed. A hand grabs your arm and pulls you back. “I like you too.” he says through a raspy voice. You smile and grab his hand, rubbing your thumb along the back side of his hand. 

You stand up and grab a thicker blanket off the bed, laying it atop him. You lean over and place a small kiss upon his forehead. “I’m glad you feel the same. I’ve liked you ever since I joined the team.” 

Somun lets out a tired moan in response. You laugh, knowing he is way too tired for conversation right now. 

You place another kiss, this time upon his lips. Somuns face turns red, despite him practically being asleep. You smile.

 “Goodnight Somun.”

[dbnightingale24]

You’ve Always Been My Dream

An Andy Barber One Shot

(Best friend’s Dad)

~~

~~

I promise that I genuinely mean it when I say that I’m going to update and finish all of my stories, but my brain never shuts up and I’m always coming up with new ideas, so now you all have this. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I hope you all enjoy it. Jacob’s best friend falling for his dad? My brain couldn’t just let this be a simple ‘porn with a plot’ type of deal. Nope, we’re about to have a whole fucking saga. Enjoy!

Word Count: 40,641

Warnings: Family drama, Age gap, Swearing, Drinking, Infidelity, Drinking, Arguing, Fluff, Angst, Mentions of gambling, SMUT (MINORS GET AWAY), Unprotected Sex (reader is on birth control, but it’s not mentioned), Daddy kink, hints of BDSM, Anxiety, Depression, Sexual assault (teacher makes a move without consent),...I’m sure I missed something, but I can’t think of it right now.

@fuckingbye​, thank you for my kick ass mood board! I love you so much! Also, looking forward to the next time I can tackle you with a hug and not let go.

Song(s) That Inspired This Story: How Do I Make You Want Me? (And Make It Last Eternally?)

Summary: You didn’t expect to be a staple in Jacob’s life, and with the way Laurie kept Andy on a leash, you NEVER expected to become a staple in Andy’s life. However, life has a way of turning things around and changing everything you thought you knew.

I do not give consent/permission for my stories/ works to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

“You never come over anymore,” Jacob scoffs as drives you home from a night out with him and Sarah.

“I just have a lot going on,” you defend, looking out the window as you fidget with your fingers.

“Did something happen? Did my mom do something?”

“What? No! Nothing! I really just am busy. I know I’m not in college like you and Sarah, but I still have a job.”

“No, I know that...you know what I mean, Y/N. You used to come over all the time-”

“I didn’t even start coming to your house till I was 17.”

“And from 17-22, you would come over all the time. Now, getting you to come over is like pulling teeth.”

“I just...I don’t want to get too comfortable with your family. We come from two different worlds and-”

“You know my parents love you.”

“It’s not that it’s just...it’s really easy to get caught up in the world of the Barbers, and I don’t want to do that. Your parents automatically include me in everything, spend money on me as if it’s not a big deal, and I just...I need to remember my place.”

“So you’re mad at my parents for having money?”

“Jacob, why are you giving me a hard time about this?”

“Because I miss hanging out with my best friend!”

“You can hangout with me anywhere!”

“It’s easier for us to hangout at my parent’s house, cause I have a shit tone of papers to work on, and the last thing I need is a distraction.”

“Jacob-”

“If something happened, you know you tell me,” he says with a sincere sigh as he pulls up to your Mother’s house.

“I know I can, but nothing did happen. I’ll come over tomorrow after I get off work, okay?” you mutter in pure annoyance and defeat as you look out the window and see your Mother’s car isn’t in the driveway. “I wonder what club she’s at tonight.”

“How is it that she has time to go out all the time, but no time to find a fucking job?” Jacob questions, and it’s not hard to spot the disdain in his voice.

“Well, ya see, when my Father left, he was nice enough to leave some of the money he won. Why work when you can go to a club and find a nice rich man to bankroll you?”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. Everyone in my fucking family sucks, no big deal. I’ll be out by the end of the month, which is less than a week away.”

“It’s still fucked up.”

“Jacob, I’m not going to sit here and stomp my feet about it. We went from being dirt poor, to having entirely too much money, to both of my parents showing their true colors. I don’t care, I just want to get away from all of this shit.”

“Does he at least try and see you?”

“Every fucking weekend.”

“You should at least talk to him.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Y/N-”

“He won his money, bought this house, got a new little girlfriend, moved out overnight, then served my Mom with divorce papers out of the blue. Divorce papers that your Father gave her. My dad can go fuck himself,” you spit.

“Have you told your mom you’re moving out?”

“No because fuck her.”

Jacob waits a beat before he says anything. “See? This is why you should come over more often! We have so much to talk about!” Jacob laughs and you chuckle softly.

“Tomorrow, I promise,” you smile before leaning over and giving him a small kiss on the cheek, “text me when you get home?”

“I always do.”

“Thanks for tonight, I need it,” you nod before getting out of his car.

You close the door and quickly make your way up the stairs, doing your best to avoid the Massachusetts chill, waiving once more at Jacob before disappearing inside the house.

“Hello?” you call out, knowing that you’ll be met with complete and total silence.

When no one answers, you roll your eyes with a scowl before heading into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of vodka out of the freezer. You don’t bother to grab a glass, opting to just take the whole bottle before you make your way upstairs, and hide away in your bedroom. You’ll never tell Jacob, but hanging out with him always makes you feel small.

Well, that and what actually happened.

You take a swig from the bottle before laying down and thinking about the entirety of your friendship with Jacob, thus far.

“Hey, just ignore them,” you said as you nudged Jacob’s shoulder, trying to make him feel less humiliated because of all the attention.

“Everyone here thinks I’m a killer so-”

“I don’t,” you offer with a small smile, as you try and usher you both through the hallways of 10th grade.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because I know what it’s like to have people never be nice to you,” you smiled weakly. “The people of Newton are just as sweet as they are cruel.”

“You must be new here.”

“I know who you are, Jacob. Wanting a bully dead doesn’t make you a bad guy, it just makes you honest.”

“And you are?”

“I’m Y/N,” you smiled as the bell rang for third period.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he smiled sheepishly.

“You too,” you smiled, outstretching your hand to shake his.

From that moment on, you two were inseparable. You were 15, he was 16, but he was only older than you by a few months. The first handful of times he’d asked to come over and hangout, you’d told him no because you have work. You could tell he didn’t believe you, so one Monday, you decided to bring him along with you to the library. After that, his parents wanted you to start coming around, because ever since that day, Jacob started looking for a job.

“I don’t get why it’s such a big deal,” you laughed as you two walked to your locker “teenagers have jobs.”

“I don’t.”

“Yeah, but you also don’t like to leave the house. Besides, doesn’t Sarah have a job?”

“Why do you think they love her so much?”

“Well, for as honored as I am, you know why I have to work. I help pay the bills.”

“After-”

“After, I go home and finish up my homework.”

“Have you thought about college at all?”

“I don’t have good enough grades for a scholarship and there’s no way I can afford it, and continue to help out.”

“They’re grants and you can apply for loans-”

“So I can have to deal with years and years of debt? No thanks,” you scoffed as you two made your way to your way to the lunchroom.

“Well, there’s always-”

“Jacob, it’s fine, honestly.I’ll graduate from this hellhole and get a job as a temp or something. Eventually, I’ll move out of this stupid town and won’t have to think about any of this shit anymore...where’s Sarah?”

“We got into an argument.”

“Please don’t tell me it was over me again.”

“She just needs to spend time with you.”

“WE’RE JUST FRIENDS!”

“Hey, I’m sitting at the same table as you, no need to shout.”

“It’s just so infuriating. Besides, if she paid any attention to the rumors, she’d know you’re too young.”

“Yeah, you need someone around my dad’s age,” he smirked.

“Exactly,” you laughed, stealing a fry off of his plate.

Little did you know, that joke would come back to bite you in the ass later in life.

Nonetheless, Jacob convinced Sarah to go to lunch with you two. After just 5 minutes of being around you two, Sarah realized that she had absolutely nothing to worry about, and almost instantly fell into rhythm the debate you and Jacob had been having for weeks:

Which is better? French fries or mozzarella sticks, and why?

After that, things seemed to finally calm down. You went to school, you went to work, you came home, listened to your parents argue about money and whose fault it was that there was none of it, and you went to bed.

For as great as everything was, there was still one issue: you still hadn’t met Jacob’s parents.

“You didn’t come to my birthday over the summer-”

“I apologized for that.”

“I know, but my parents are starting to think I made you up.”

“Sarah can vouch for you on that.”

“Y/N-”

“Why do you need me to meet them? I don’t do well with parents.”

“Why not?”

“The moms hate me and the dads wanna fuck me. I tend to just stay away from parents. I barely talk to my own.”

“My parents aren’t anything like that and you know it.”

“Jacob.”

“You missed my birthday, you didn’t come over for the holiday party-”

“You’re not going to drop this until I agree to come over for your graduation celebration, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Ugh, fuck you, Barber.”

“June 16th at 1. Thank you,” he smiled before he walked off.

You knew you were paranoid, but the rumors always lived rent free in your head and the stares and judging glances never stopped.

There have been so many variations of what actually happened that day your 9th grade year, that you’re shocked you remember what actually happened. Yes, you do have a thing for older men, but you were never dumb enough to actually go after one. Your curves had come in by the time you were in 7th grade, which meant that it wasn’t hard for you to catch anyone’s eye. So, it came as no surprise when you caught the eye of your 9th grade History teacher, Mr. Matthews.

Everyone’s favorite teacher.

It didn’t matter that he had approached you first, it didn’t matter that you asked him to stop sending you unsolicited dick pics, and it didn’t matter that you pushed him off of you when he kissed you. What did matter was that your “friends” had heard you say multiple times that you couldn’t wait to get older so that you could date older men, it mattered that you were often referred to as one if the prettiest girls in school, and what mattered was that everyone knew you weren’t a virgin.

When you finally found the courage to go to the principle and tell her what happened, showing her all the pictures and texts, it didn’t matter that there was proof that you didn’t want it. What mattered was that you got everyone’s favorite teacher fired.

After that, your friends stop calling and coming around, dads started looking you over more often when they picked up their kids from school, and mothers didn’t want their sons dating “such a tramp” (as one mother so lovingly put it).  

Almost over night, you became a recluse. You worked as much as possible, you stayed in the library on your free periods, and when you weren’t too burnt out, you did your homework. By the time Jacob Barber came back to school, you had become such a recluse you barely paid attention to the fact that he was in your class. However, the site of someone shoving him into a locker and calling him a “murderous fucking psycho” broke your heart. You two bonded on being outcasts and bullied, and that’s how you two ended up being best friends.

“The Barbers seem like nice people, sweetheart,” your mother encouraged as she helped you style your hair.

“I just-”

“Listen, those fuck heads at the school are just that: fuck heads. Not everyone is going to see you in the light that they see you in. You didn’t do anything wrong-”

“I know I didn’t, but still.”

“Just relax, you’re gonna have a great time,” she reassured you as she placed her hands on your shoulders.

As luck would have it, Mr. Barber wasn’t there when you went to Jacob’s party. Jacob said he got called into work or something and that he wouldn’t be home until later. Laurie was unfailingly kind in her words and very welcoming, but her eyes told you differently. She would look you over and you knew she was trying to decide if you had been telling the truth all those years ago. You tried to talk yourself out of it, but the fact that whenever you came over Mr. Barber was always gone let you know that you weren’t being delusional.

But, you got over it.

Laurie was always nice to your face and she never stopped you from being friends with Jacob. As far as you were concerned, everything was fine for the most part.

Then, as fate would have it, your father hit the lotto of all things. He was quick to pack up the little bit that you all had and moved you all into a house only a few blocks away from the Barbers. You thought that would be the end of the arguing, but that somehow only made it worse. You kept hoping that they’d work it out, but one day you woke up and all of his things were gone. The next day, your mother answered the door to Andy Barber serving her divorce papers.

You practically lived in Jacob’s room for a month after that.

The only thing that made it worse? Your Father had been in a relationship with another woman for months. So, your Mother took the money that he left and decided to spend it on herself. You didn’t matter at all anymore. New purses, a new car, a shit ton of alcohol, new clothes, she just kept buying whatever she wanted and sleeping with whoever she wanted.

You were left to navigate through all of the bullshit by yourself.

You would have thought that with the news of what happened with your parents, and what your Father did, you would have found some favor with Laurie.

You didn’t.

While she started buying you things for the holidays and your birthdays (always signing them from both her and Andy), invited you over for holiday dinners, offered to let you throw celebrations for your birthday at the Barber household, but she still never wanted Andy around when you were there. Yeah, it hurt that she still didn’t trust you after so much time had passed, but you let it go. As long as you didn’t have to hear about her hating you, it was easy for you to pretend that she genuinely cared about you and that Andy was an extremely busy man.

See,the thing is, Laurie desperately wanted to like you but she just couldn’t.

You were kind, respectful, thoughtful, patient, and extremely caring. Yes, you loved Jacob and looked out for him when you two were out in public, but in a way, that made her even more wary. You never showed any interest in Jacob and he was completely wrapped up in Sarah. It didn’t help that half the time Jacob went out with you, he’d come home completely shit faced and alone. When she’d ask where you were in the morning, Jacob was always truthful and said “I don’t know, she went home with some guy she met at the bar.”

Yeah, Laurie wanted to like you, but just couldn’t bring herself to for a number of reasons, and you told yourself you were fine with it.

Until you overheard a conversation in their kitchen a year ago.

“Would you mind grabbing beers from downstairs?” Jacob asked as his eyes stayed glued to the screen in front him.

You don’t know how many times you’ve seen ‘Borat’ at this point, but you could quote it line for line. A talent you weren’t necessarily proud of.

“It’s your house.”

“It’s my parents house.”

“Even more reason for you to go and get it.”

“Y/N come on, this my favorite part!”

“You owe me, Barber,” you muttered before you got up and quickly made out of the room.

It’s not like you meant to creep downstairs, but you knew how Laurie felt about you, and Jacob had invited you over unannounced because he just wanted to hangout and was worn out from college.

You were more than ready to run into the kitchen then run back upstairs, but the voices you heard coming from the kitchen made you come to a complete stop.

“Laurie, this is fucking ridiculous! She’s our son’s best friend and I’ve never even met the girl!” Andy snapped in a hushed tone.

“You saw her at graduation!”

“That’s bullshit and you know it! The fact is you still have this idea about some stupid revenge!”

“Why wouldn’t you? And why not with her?! The whole town knows-”

“Jesus! She was a fucking child when that happened, and she very clearly didn’t-”

“She was a child then but she isn’t now!”

“Do you hear how fucking crazy you sound?!”

You leaned in a little bit more than you meant to and quickly took a step to regain your balance, but the floor creaked and you instantly knew you were found out, so instead of trying to run off in the other direction, you walked into the kitchen as if you’d just gotten there.

“Oh Y/N! How’s Borat?” Laurie smiled with a small laugh as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Same as its always is,” you chuckled awkwardly as you made your way to the fridge “sorry to interrupt though, Jacob just wanted me to grab a few beers.”

“As silly as it sounds, you’ve never met Andy! Andy meet-”

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” he smiled at you sincerely as he outstretched his hand.

“I get it, you’ve been extremely busy, it’s not a problem at all,” you smiled sheepishly before taking his outstretched hand and shaking it.

He didn’t look you over, he didn’t ogle you, and he didn’t give you a suggestive smirk. Instead, his eyes let you know that he was sorry. He knew you’d heard what they had been talking about and he felt embarrassed and awful.

It made your heart flutter just a little.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” you laughed awkwardly before letting go of his hand and opening the fridge, accidentally grabbing the entire six pack “I should get back to Jake.”

“Y/N, what you heard tonight-” Laurie started as you shook your head.

“I didn’t hear a thing,” you lied with a sincere smile before exiting and making your way back upstairs.

“What took you so long?” Jacob asked as you closed the door to his room.

“I finally got to meet your dad,” you chuckled nervously as you handed him a beer.

“It’s about fucking time,” he chuckled as he took the beer from you. “How’d that go?”

‘Well you know....me and parents.”

“Oh God, were they weird? Was he weird?”

“No, it was just me, like always,” you lied before almost completely downing an entire bottle of beer. “Hey, do your parents argue a lot?”

“All the fucking time,” he scoffed as if it were not a big deal.

“What about?” you questioned before you finished off your beer and grabbed a second; wasting no time in opening another one before you took a giant swig from it.

“Anything, honestly. My dad went through this really bad depression the summer before I met you. He was drunk every day, never wanted to leave the house unless it was for work...him and my mom were fighting a lot. Sometimes over me and sometimes over him and the secrets he decided to keep. Anyway, since then, they’ve been arguing about everything. For the last 3 or 4 years, they’ve been arguing about some girl.”

“Oh?”

“My mother swears that my father is out on some revenge quest with some young woman, and she lays into him about it every chance she gets.”

“Do you know who?”

“Nah, I just know she works at a library or something,” he shrugged.

You loved Jacob so much, but sometimes he could be a complete and total fucking idiot.

“Well,” you started before downing the entire second bottle “I’ve gotta get going.”

“What?!” Jacob exclaimed as he paused the movie. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I just have to get back.”

“To what? You know she’s drunk at some club-”

“I have work tomorrow, Jake. At the library,” you muttered, hoping to drop the hint that you were the girl his parents had been arguing about for years.

“That’s not until the afternoon!”

“I’m working the full day, I need the money.”

“Y/N, did something happen down there?”

“I promise everything is fine,” you lied with a reassuring smile “I’ll call you when I get home.”

“At least let me drive you home.”

“It’s a short walk, I’ll be fine,” you laughed as you grabbed another beer and got up. “I’ll call you when I get home,” you repeated before you walked out.

You quickly made your way downstairs and practically ran out the door, pretending you didn’t hear Laurie when she called after you.

From that day on, you’ve barely ever stepped foot inside the Barber household. When you’d run into Laurie at the grocery store, you’d make polite small talk and pretend you didn’t know how little she actually thought of you, and you went out of your way to avoid Andy.

In Laurie’s defense, if you were her, you’d have anxiety about women trying to steal your husband all the time.

Besides the fact that he’s annoyingly good at his job, Andy Barber is insanely attractive. Girls throw themselves him, guys envy him, and you’d overheard a few women at school talk about how they changed their workout routines just so they could catch a glimpse of him swimming. Women wanted Andy and they didn’t try to hide it. So, when some young woman comes along, who’s never shied away from the fact that she likes older men, of course she threw all logic out the window and decided to keep her husband as far away as possible.

So, out of respect and not wanting to cause more stress for Jacob, you stayed away. The last time you saw him was the beginning of the month.

“I feel like you’re busier than usual,” Sarah commented as the three of you hung out in the living room.

Sarah was cuddled up against Jacob on one side of the sofa, and you were laid out on the other side, half paying attention to the movie playing.

“That’s because I am,” you groaned as she chuckled.

“Well, why don’t you slow up? The library can’t possibly need you as much.”

“I’m not working there anymore.”

“Oh? And why weren’t we told?”

“Because it’s a surprise!” you whined as they both start to laugh.

“Well,” Jacob started as he turned his attention towards you “now you have to tell us.”

“It’s a surprise!”

“Nope, we gotta know. It’s gonna bother us all night.”

“You both suck, I hope you know that,” you scowled as they both continued to laugh “I started working as a secretary at that advertising agency not far from the college.”

“Sloman and Brothers? Well look at you!” Jacob exclaimed. “The next time we all go out, dinner will be on you!”

“You say this as if I don’t have bills.”

“Your Mother is still making you help out?”

“No, I’m finally getting my own place.”

“SERIOUSLY?!”

“Yes,” you laughed as you felt his genuine happiness and love for you.

“That’s great, I’m happy for you,” Mr. Barber’s voice came from behind, which caused you to jump and sit straight up.

“I thought you guys were gonna go out for dinner,” Jacob said casually, not paying to your complete change in your demeanor.

Sarah did though.

“Change of plans,” Laurie smiled, but you could see irritation in her eyes. Whether it was towards you or Mr. Barber you couldn’t tell, but Jacob’s eyeroll let you know it was directed towards Mr. Barber. “Andy’s right though, Y/N. That’s amazing and we’re so happy for you.”

“Thank you,” you smiled awkwardly before you got up “but I should be going now.”

“What? The movie isn’t even halfway over!” Jacob protested.

“I know, but I do have work tomorrow, and I have to get boxes to start packing my stuff in, it’s not a lot but still.”

“Actually, Y/N is making a good point. I think I’m gonna head out. I can give you a ride back to your place.”

“What the fuck?!” Jacob snapped.

“Jacob!” Laurie reprimanded.

“Watch it, bud,” Andy warned.

“Jacob, it’s fine. You’re picking me up after work tomorrow, we’ll hangout then.”

“Yeah fine,” he huffed before standing up and giving her a small hug and a kiss on the lips. “I love you, let me know when you’re home safe, okay?”

“I always do,” she smiled at him.

“And you,” he nodded as he turned towards you “don’t start packing without me.”

“As if I have anyone else to call,” you teased with a soft small.

“Hey, finish up that paper. I know it’s a pain but you’re almost done and it’s due tomorrow,” Sarah reminded him and you sighed, knowing what was coming next.

“Jacob, we pay your tuition and you barely work.There’s no reason for that paper to not be done already,” Laurie snapped as Andy ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“It’s almost done,” Jacob scowled.

“You shouldn’t be doing anything until that paper is done!”

“Stop it, Laurie.” Andy sighed

“Stay out of it, Andy!”

“Stay out of it? He’s my son too!” Andy shouted back.

“Okay, I’m gonna grab a fucking beer, then I’m going to work on this fucking paper. I love you both, enjoy your night cause I sure as shit won’t,” Jacob all but growled before storming out of the living room and into the kitchen.

“Um, bye Mr. And Mrs. Barber,” Sarah said sheepishly before heading out.

You followed right behind, giving them both a small wave. Jacob was about to have the night from hell and you felt awful.

“I shouldn’t have said anything, I feel like an asshole,” Sarah practically cried as you two got into her car.

“It’s not your fault, Laurie was angry the minute she set foot through the door. Whether it was with me or Andy-”

“Yeah, what’s going on there?” Sarah asked as she started her car.

“Something tells me you’re not taking me home, are we?” you groaned as you slumped down in the seat.

“Nope, we’re going to talk about this all of this over dinner.”

For the next hour, you told Sarah all about your friendship with Jacob and how Laurie had been silently against it from the beginning, but would never say anything about it to your face. When you told her about the conversation you’d overheard between her and Andy a year ago, she was understandably pissed.

“She seriously believes that you seduced Mr. Matthews?” she snapped.

“I honestly don’t know if she believes I did or that if she’s just afraid that now that I’m older, I’ll go after Andy. Mind you, tonight’s the second time I’ve ever seen the fucking man.”

“Wait, what?”

“Laurie makes sure to keep him out of the house and away when she knows I’m coming over. The first night we finally fucking met was an accident. Jacob invited me over to watch ‘Borat’ and didn’t tell Laurie first. Hence the quiet argument in the kitchen.”

“That’s such fucking bullshit! I mean, I kind of had an idea that something was wrong when he told me that his parents had been fighting about a girl that worked in a library, I kinda assumed it was you, but I had no idea it was this fucking ridiculous. I’m gonna take a guess and assume that Jacob knows nothing about this?”

“Of course not. I’ll never tell him about the conversation because it’ll only make things worse for him at home, but he’s never going to put the library thing together,” you scoffed as the waiter dropped off the second round of drinks.

“Yeah, I love the man, but he can be so clueless at times,” she chuckled before taking a sip of her margarita. “Can I ask you something? And please don’t take it as-”

“You can ask me anything, Sarah,” you laughed.

“Do you have a crush on Mr. Barber? I mean, I know you find older men attractive and-”

“I don’t know the man,” you laughed with a shrug “I mean, I’m not blind; the man is gorgeous, but that doesn’t mean I have a crush on him. Would I have a one night stand with him? Who wouldn’t? However, he’s married and Jacob’s dad, and I’d never put Jacob through more hell than hes already been through.”

“You really do love him, don’t you?”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him,” you smiled softly.

“Have you tried dating guys our age?”

“Yeah, and it sucked,” you chuckled. “I don’t know, I just don’t have anything in common with guys our age.”

“There’s Jacob.”

“Yeah, but I don’t feel that way towards Jacob. You know that.”

“No, I’m saying that if you can have fun and enjoy someone our age, the way you do with Jacob, why not try it with someone else and try out dating them?”

“I’m just always bored with guys our age, I don’t know how to explain it. The conversation is boring, the sex is bad, and there’s no spark. Just a dull fucking flame,” you muttered before taking a sip of your Mai Tai.

“Are you the type of woman who calls a man ‘Daddy’?” she giggled.

“Only if he works for it,” you smirked as she burst out laughing.

The rest of the dinner went great and you told Sarah (and yourself) that would all be sorted soon enough.

You’re just hoping and praying that you’ll be able to keep Jacob in the dark long enough until you get out.

Your mother coming home and giggling at something the guy who brought her home says, pulls you out of your thoughts. You take another giant swig from the bottle before closing it; settling under your covers and quickly finding your way to sleep land.

It can’t always rain...right?

**

The hard knock on your front door brings a smile to your face and you run downstairs to answer it, happy to finally get the fuck out of the hellhole your father purchased.

Also referred to as a house.

“Okay, so basically everything is packed and...oh?” you stop when you open the door and see Jacob standing there...with Andy.

“Yeah,” Jacob laughs as he makes his way inside “it’s Saturday and he has nothing better to do. Wasn’t hard to convince to help me move a few desks.”

“Where’s Mrs. Barber?”

“Oh, she’s out to lunch with some friends. When’s your mom gonna be back?”

“She’ll be gone all day. Apparently the last guy she brought home really stuck,” you scoff before turning to Andy “thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime,” he smiles at you. “How many desks are we moving?”

“2 desks, 2 drawers, and 1 closet.”

“And how you were you two planning on doing that alone?”

“Hope, Mr. Barber. A lot of hope,” you smirk as he laughs.

Jacob and Andy are quick to grab the desks, drawers, and closet, while you finish boxing up the last few things you have. It’s sad that you don’t even feel a little upset about leaving. You only feel relief.

Andy volunteers to drive the moving truck, while Jacob drives his car and you drive your own.

And just like that, you’re all moved out. It’s like you were never even there.

“Y/N, this place is amazing!” Jacob exclaims as the three of you make your way inside your new place.

“I still can’t believe it’s mine,” you snort.

“I’m so happy for you!”

“I’ll be happy once I deal with my mom. God knows how long it’ll take for her to figure out that I’m gone,” you mutter.

“Hey, lets not worry about that right now. Lets get you moved in,” he smiles at you, and you can’t help but smile back.

As you all unloaded the truck, you take notice of how much Jacob is checking on Andy, and how hard he’s working to make him laugh and smile. You also notice how upset and worn out he seems, even though he tries to hide it.

“Hey,” you call to Jacob after Andy steps out, going to get another box “what’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” he lies with a soft chuckle “just excited-”

“Jake, you know better.”

“I don’t wanna dampen your day.”

“You not telling me will dampen my day, cause I’ll be worried.”

“I wish they’d get a fucking divorce already,” he sighs, leaning against the wall.

“Who? Your parents?”

“All they fucking do is fight, and if my mom’s real pissed, she takes it out on me. I don’t see the point of them staying together anymore, because it really is just for show at this point. I don’t even know why she’s so mad all the time. She’s been angry ever since everything happened and it just feels like it never went away. The only reason I even fucking stayed home for college was to lookout for him. Remember I told you about the really bad depression he went through a little while back?  He was always drunk, never left the house, cried a lot? She would just...she holds all these fucking grudges. Things she needs to let go of, but refuses to. He stays because he loves her and he feels like he owes me something.”

“Are you mad at him?”

“I mean...I was. Everything was happening at once, I was on trial for murder, and I was just a kid. I was angry, but I got older and I understood. My dad’s not a bad guy. He loves the shit out of me and my mom, and he cares about people in his own way. No, he isn’t some patron saint, but he they’re people with far worse dads than mine. A good example? His own dad. I don’t know, he just doesn’t deserve this.”

“Be that as it may, you can’t make yourself miserable over the problems of two grown adults.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“We’re standing in the middle of my brand new apartment. I am one to talk, babe,” you smirk at him and he laughs softly. “Listen, I really don’t anything about your dad other than that he loves the hell out of you. He wouldn’t want you making yourself miserable for all of this, and you can’t make him leave your mom. It has to be a decision he makes on his own.”

“I just feel guilty.”

“Trust me, I completely understand, but there’s really nothing more you can do besides be there for him when he needs or wants to talk. You don’t have to stay in that house to do that.”

“I hate it when you’re right.”

“So...all the time?”

“Fuck you,” he laughs as you wrap in him in a hug.

“It’s gonna be okay, Jake.”

“Thank you.”

“Always,” you smile as you two break apart.

“Forgot my phone, I have a call to make,” Andy chuckles with a shake of his head as he makes his way back into your apartment,

You two make eye contact for a split second, but it’s long enough to let you know that you heard everything that was just discussed.

Fuck.

He doesn’t say a thing about it and acts as if he didn’t hear anything, but you still feel bad. You hope and pray that he doesn’t think that you’re coming off as judgmental and rude, because that’s the last thing you want. You just want to be there for Jacob because he needs it. All he has (outside of his parents) are you and Sarah, and you want to make sure that he knows that he can have better if he really wants to.

So can Andy.

By the time all the boxes and furniture are setup, you’re all beat.

“I feel like I should buy you both dinner,” you smile halfheartedly at the Barber men who just laugh in response.

“We should be buying you dinner,” Andy retorts.

“No! You both spent your Saturday helping me move in! It’s the least-”

“You’re a young woman moving into her first apartment on her own, with no help from anyone, and at a young age. It’s a big deal. What’s your favorite place to get food from?” Andy asks with a sincere smile.

You ignore the butterflies in your stomach as you focus on the correct answer to his question. “Um, you know the Chinese place not too far from your job? Great Dynasty?”

“I love that place! They have the best dumplings!”

“They do!”

“Should I step out while you two have a moment?” Jacob laughs and you flip him off.

Andy takes everyone’s order, and you laugh when the both of you almost end up getting the same thing, and Jacob promises to be the one to pick it up since Andy ordered. You find your record player easily enough and pull out your favorite The Clash album, before asking the both of them what they want to drink.

“Keep in mind, you both have to drive,” you smirk as you pour yourself a glass of whiskey.

“You like the Clash, you favor whiskey, you have great taste in Chinese food, and you love black and white movies?”

“And how would you know that I love black and white movies?” you chuckle as you cock an eyebrow.

“Jacob has a big mouth,” Andy mumbles.

“You make me watch them all the time!” Jacob defends.

“And how many times have I had to sit through ‘Borat’? I don’t wanna hear it,” you shoot back before sticking your tongue out at him.

“This is turning out to be a lot more fun than I thought it would be,” Andy laughs “do you have bourbon?”

“I raided my mom’s liquor cabinet, so I have everything,” you smile before turning to Jacob “except beer.”

“Why are you always against me?” he grumbles as you and Andy burst out laughing. “I’ll go buy some and by the time I’m back, the food should be just arriving.”

“You can calculate time when it comes to school, but in high school...”

“Watch it,” he warns and you giggle.

“Either of you want anything?” he questions, grabbing Andy’s car fob off the kitchen island.

“Chips and salsa, please,” you smile at him.

“You can’t live off chips and salsa.”

“Watch me,” you smirk and he chuckles “and wear your damn seat belt.”

“Jake!” Andy snaps.

“It’s only sometimes!” he quickly counters before turning to you “traitor.”

“You shouldn’t be driving around without it!”

“I swear, you’re such a mom,” he scowls before turning his attention back to Andy “you be nice to her.”

“I’m always nice, it’s your mother you have to worry about,” Andy mutters and you almost choke on your whiskey.

“Fair point,” Jacob scoffs before walking out.

Leaving you all alone with Andy Barber.

“Well, this is awkward,” Andy smirks and a small giggle escapes your lips as you pour him a drink.

“Only a little bit.”

“Listen, about Laurie-”

“You don’t have to-”

“I do, because you don’t deserve to feel like you’re the problem, cause you’re not. I know that you heard what she said that night and I’m sorry. It was...rude, disgusting, and wrong. You’ve been nothing but a great friend to Jacob, and I don’t know why...you were a child-”

“I’m not one now,” you scoff with an eye roll before taking a sip of your drink.

“Is it bad that this is the third time I’ve seen you and I feel terrible?”

“You have no reason to feel terrible. Honestly, neither does Laurie. I see how women look at you and how they talk about you, and then there’s me: your sons best friend, with a reputation. Whether it’s true or not, doesn’t matter because the seed has already been planted. She’s just trying to-”

“She’s trying to make sure I don’t do to her what she did to me,” he mutters before he can stop himself. He quickly looks at you with shock in his eyes “forget you heard-”

“I won’t tell Jacob,” you tell him reassuringly, but your heart breaks a little and he can tell.

“She only did it the one time, it was after the trial and she had her doubts and reservations. She’s not a bad-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself or your marriage to me. You see my family, I’m not about to start throwing stones.”

“I just don’t want you to think the worst of her. I heard what you told Jacob-”

“I wasn’t trying to tell him to abandon you-”

“No, I know, I just...you’re right, he can’t fix what’s wrong between Laurie and I. I wish I had known he stayed just for me. I would’ve told him to go to Yale. Did you know that he was accepted into Yale?”

“He was accepted into a lot of colleges. He read and showed me every single acceptance letter.”

“If I’m honest, I thought he stayed for you. I’ve always believed he’s in love with you.”

“Everyone seems to think that. We’re just friends though. I should want to be with him, but it’s just not...he’s not my type.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing,” you laugh before taking another sip of your drink “I’m not his type either. We’re best friends.”

“I can’t imagine you not being someones type....I don’t mean to be-”

“You’re fine,” you chuckle softly.

“You’re oddly calming to talk to.”

“Jacob always says that.”

“So,” he starts as he clears his throat, taking a seat “I feel like I have a lot to learn about you.”

“There’s really nothing to know,” you laugh “I have two friends, I don’t talk to my parents much, I work a lot, I tend to drink a bit too much at times, I have a horrible sleep schedule, I drink entirely too much coffee, I love to cook, I laugh entirely too loud when I think something is funny, and I cry every time I watch ‘Titanic’,” you finish with a smile before finishing off your drink and pouring yourself another glass as Andy laughs.

“I’m sure there’s more to you than that.”

“I’m as plain as they come.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to pay closer attention and find out for myself.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Where does Mrs. Barber think you are? Couldn’t help but notice that you weren’t there on Tuesday.”

“She thinks I’m working,” he sighs as finishes off his own drink and pouring himself another. “I feel awful-”

“Why? You haven’t done anything wrong. You didn’t say it, she did.”

“I should’ve stood up to her.”

You take a minute before you speak. “Mr. Barber-”

“Andy. Please call me Andy. ‘Mr. Barber’ makes me feel like an old man. Just because I am one doesn’t mean I wanna feel like one.”

“You’re not old but okay,” you chuckle softly “Andy, I don’t wanna overstep, but...you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. You don’t owe anyone anything. Jacob talks about you all the time, you’re his hero. You did what you thought was best and I can’t fault you for that. Hell, I wish no one knew about what my dad did and all it was, was cheat and be an asshole. I just...from the way Jacob talks about you, how hes always talked about you...you shouldn’t have to put yourself through hell to feel like you’re a good man,” you finish softly.

“How old are you?”

“I am in the middle of being 23 and it’s a fucking doozy,” you chuckle and he laughs.

“Jacob’s lucky to have a friend like you.”

“He’s also lucky to have you as a father,” you smile at him, as the record comes to an end. “Any requests?”

“You may hate them but...Alice in Chains?”

“They’re my favorite band in the world, so you’re in luck,” you practically squeal as you make your way over to your record box.

You two spend the rest of your time alone together talking about music and movies, laughing and bonding over how alike you two are, but the minute Jacobs steps foot into your apartment, you change the subject. You know you have nothing to be ashamed of, but it just feels personal and like you both shouldn’t be saying anything in front of him.

From that moment on, you and Andy decide that whatever you two decide to talk about is between you two. You have private phone calls with him, you two text all the time, and you both FaceTime often. No, you’re not trying to lure Andy Barber in, but talking to him is so freeing and honest. He’s fun to talk to and it’s not like you talk to a lot of people to begin with.

“Lets grab drinks,” Andy says from the Bluetooth device that’s connected to your car.

“You know we can’t,” you laugh as you press on the brakes as you reach a stoplight.

“I hate talking about all of this shit over the phone.”

“Yeah well, Laurie will hate you and lay into Jacob because of it.”

“This is so dumb.”

“You could get a divorce.”

“Then hangout with you so she can hate you?”

“She already hates me, Andy. Who cares?”

“I do.”

“Andy.”

“It’s not fair to you, and it pisses me the fuck off.”

“Well, you’re sweet,” you smile before grabbing your phone, switching it back to personal use, turning your car off and getting out “but I’m fine.”

“Well, I’m not. Am I an idiot? You’re an adult and so am I. We should be able to hangout without having to deal with anyone’s shit.”

“Without Laurie’s shit.”

“We’re not doing anything wrong.”

“She won’t see it that way...shit,” you groan as you get to your apartment, seeing Andy leaning against your door.

“I wanted to see you,” he says simply as he hangs up.

“Why did you even suggest drinks if you were already here?”

“I knew you’d say no.”

“Andy-”

“A good conversation isn’t cheating,” he reassures you. “She doesn’t know I’m here and I’ll never tell her.”

“Isn’t that a problem in and of itself?”

“It’s only a problem because-”

“Andy.”

“If you tell me to go, I’ll leave right now,” he promises sincerely.

How are supposed to tell him no? How are you supposed to turn him down?

Somehow, you’ve become Andy’s therapist and best friend. It’s not like you two do much of anything besides talk, and you only see every other week. Of course Andy is attractive, and you aren’t going to lie and say that it isn’t nice to have someone to talk to who you feel like actually gets it, but at the end of the day, he’s Jacob’s dad and Laurie’s husband. You refuse to cross that line.

“How was work?” he asks, pouring you both a drink as you go into your room to change.

“I’d like, for once in my life, to not be fucking looked at like I’m a fucking sex doll,” you scowl as you pull on sweatpants then your Boston University crew neck.

“You can tell your boss.”

“Complain to my boss about my boss? No thanks,” you sigh as you step back out into the living area, making your way over to the kitchen.

“You could just quit.”

“Then how would I pay for this nice apartment?”

“You’re extremely smart and talented, I’m sure you’d be able to find another job in an instant.”

“You are annoyingly kind,” you smile as you take a seat at the kitchen island. “Where does she think you are tonight?”

“Work,” Andy responds nonchalantly as he passes you your drink.

“Andy.”

“Would you like for me to call her and tell her that I’m here?”

“I would like for you to get a divorce.”

“I owe her-”

“You don’t owe her shit, Andy.”

“If you’re against her so much-”

“I’m not against her, I’m against you feeling like you need to pay penance.”

“Y/N-”

“Do you still love her enough to go through all of this?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Andy, how old are you?”

“42...about to be 43.”

“That explained so much so fast,” you chuckle before taking a sip of your drink. “You’re still young. You can leave Laurie, find someone new, and not feel like you have to hide your friendships or who you really are.”

“She just needs time.”

“How much more time does she need? Andy, you’re not that guy. Don’t be that guy.”

“What about you? I don’t see you making-”

“Y/N!” Jacob called from the other side of your door.

You and Andy both exchange panicked looks as you hear him put the key you gave him into the keyhole. Andy quickly runs into your room as you down his drink and put it into the sink.

No one is doing anything wrong, so you’re not sure why the both of you feel so guilty.

“Why didn’t you answer?” Jacob asks as he makes his way inside.

“I was mid sip,” you laugh awkwardly.

“You’re wearing the crew neck I got you.”

“Gotta support my favorite guy,” you smile at him “what’s up?”

“I have a question and I don’t want you to freak out.”

“Well, now I am freaked out,” you mutter before taking a sip of whiskey.

“It’s not anything bad, I just...it’s...do you think...Christ, why can’t I find the words?!”

“Just spit it out.”

“Do you think I’ll be moving too fast if I propose to Sarah?” he spits out all at once.

“Well...shit.”

“I’m gonna talk to my dad about it, but I tell you everything, so I wanna run it past you first.”

“I mean, you two have been together forever and you love the hell out of each other....have you two even talked about getting a place together?”

“We’ve been looking at apartments, but we haven’t decided on anything yet.”

“Well, I 1000% think you two should get married, but you need a game plan. I’ve known you long enough to know that you don’t have one.”

“Well, where should I start?”

“For one, graduate first. I would imagine that planning a wedding and trying to graduate at the same time is annoying and stressful as hell. Next, decide on a place to live. I know you two have had a million sleepovers, but it’s not the same as actually living together.”

“Sarah could be the worst fucking roommate ever and I’d still propose. After all the shit shes had to put up, and all the shit we’ve been through...I love her so fucking much, Y/N.”

“I know you do, Jake,” you smile at him.

You can only imagine the smile on Andy’s face right now.

“Okay, graduate first, move in together, then propose. Got it. Graduation isn’t that far off anyway.”

“Aw, look at my little adult,” you beam and he flips you off.

“Will you go with me to pick out a ring? It’ll be me, you, and my dad...well, if he says yes.”

“You know he will,” you laugh softly “what about your mom?”

“Eh.”

“Eh?”

“I just feel like she’ll be a dark cloud. She’s so fucking moody lately, her and my dad have been arguing a lot, and she’s been a real ass to me.”

“Jacob.”

“Don’t. It’s fucking hell living in that house, and part of that is because of her and how she is. I don’t know what her fucking problem is, but I’m tired of always getting shit on because she’s having a bad day. I wish I never wrote that fucking story. She’s always going to think I’m a monster and she’s always going to be bitter about the fact that everyone looked at her as a bad parent.”

“She loves you, Jacob. I don’t have many talks with her, but the few that I’ve had, she loves. She may fuck up from time to time, but what parent doesn’t?”

“When’s the last time you spoke to yours?”

“We’re not talking about me,” you mutter as you down the rest of your drink before pouring yourself another one.

“I don’t get why I have to make nice with my mom, but you don’t have to with yours.”

“It took her a month to realize I moved out, Jake. Laurie would notice in a second.”

“Y/N-”

“Also, once she realized I moved out, she called me crying and bitched me out. She said I abandoned her just like my father did, even though it took her a fucking month to realize I was even gone. As for my dad, he’s getting married and wants me to be supportive. He told me that he didn’t abandon me, but he just needed to start over because too much had happened. So, that’s why you need to make nice with your mom and I don’t have to make nice with mine.”

“I didn’t mean...I’m sorry,” he sighs as he leans against the the kitchen island. “Ya know, I really fucking hate your parents,” he scowls and you laugh. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. Both of them are selfish assholes,” you shrug. “There’s nothing more to it.”

“You’re a liar but I won’t press the matter. I gotta go though, I’m having dinner with Sarah and her family. I’ll text you later, I love you,” he smiles before leaning across the island and kissing your cheek.

“I love you too, Jake,” you smile as he goes to leave. “Wear your damn seat belt!”

“Jesus, yes mom!” he call over his shoulder before walking out and closing the door behind.

“Holy shit!” Andy beams as he steps out of your room and you burst out laughing. “He wants to propose! I’m so fucking....holy shit!”

“And he’s gonna come to you for advice soon,” you smile at him before taking his glass out of the sink and pouring him a drink.

“Why did you drink it?” he laughs.

“I panicked!”

“Why?”

“Why did you go running into my bedroom?”

“I’ve never seen it before,” he smirks and you let out a small laugh. “You know, you’re really good with him.”

“Who? Jacob? What do you mean?”

“You always know the right thing to say and how to calm him down. I forget that he’s the older one.”

“Jacob just needs patience and understanding. Just take your time with him and he’s fine. He’s a great guy, he’s just a little dark at times. We all are,” you shrug.

“Your parents-”

“Guess what I don’t wanna talk about?”

“Talk to me, Y/N. I’m not Jacob, I will push.”

“Why? It’s not a big deal. I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.”

“And how would you know?”

“Cause I know you. Talk to me.”

“It just gets fucking irritating. They’re both adults but neither of them acts like it. I’m fine not talking to them, my life is much less hectic, but it would be nice to actually have parents instead of always having to be the parent,” you sigh before finishing your drink and slamming the glass down.

Andy says nothing as he rounds the island and slowly makes his way over to you. He wraps his arms around you tight and you swear it’s the best hug you’ve ever gotten.

All of Andy’s hugs make you feel like you’re home.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “You deserve so much better from everyone and I’m just so sorry. I’m sorry I can’t make it better for you.”

“I’m just tired. I’m so fucking tired,” you sob into his chest, wrapping your arms around him.

“I know you are, honey.”

“I’ve been doing everything all the time and I’m just ready for a fucking break. I just...ugh! I’m sorry.”

“Hey, don’t you dare be sorry. I vent to you all the time about everything. You can cry to me whenever you want about anything.”

“This isn’t your job. I shouldn’t be-”

“Y/N, you don’t have to be strong all the time. I want to be there for you like you’re always there me for me. If there’s anyone who deserves a good friend and someone to lean on, it’s you,” he tells you softly as he gently rubs your back.

If Andy Barber were anyone else, he’d be perfect for you. However, he’s not yours and you need to remember that.

“Are you staying for dinner?” you sniffle as you let go of him.

“Do you want me to?”

“I always want you to stay,” you scoff without even thinking. Mortification runs through your body as you realize what you just said. “I just mean-”

“You’re fine,” he chuckles. “What do you want? I’ll cook.”

“I’ll cook.”

“You need to relax.”

“I actually like cooking,” you laugh.

“Y/N-”

“How about we cook together?”

“A fair compromise,” he smiles at you.

After going through everything in your fridge and freezer (which really isn’t much), you both decide that something simple is the best choice. You make cheeseburgers and french fries in a happy silence, while The Doors play quietly in the background on your record player. You’ve never realized just how at ease he makes you feel until this moment.Everything feels so normal and simple.

You’re happy.

“Okay, what do you wanna watch?” you ask as you two sit on your sofa.

“I chose last time.”

“You’re a guest.”

“No, you just don’t like making decisions.”

“You’re annoying,” you tease and he chuckles. “How about...’Vivacious Lady’?”

“I don’t think we’ve watched that one yet.”

“Then ‘Vivacious Lady’ it is!”

Halfway through the movie, his phone rings and he rolls his eyes when checks it before ignoring it and putting it down.

“Andy-”

“She can wait.”

“She’s gonna get pissed.”

“She’s always pissed.”

“She’s gonna think you’re cheating.”

“She always thinks I’m cheating.”

“Andy-”

“I’m happy right now, Y/N. So fucking happy. I just want to enjoy it a little bit longer before I have to go home and deal with whatever bullshit she has waiting for me this time.”

“Why do you stay with her? You’re not happy, Jake isn’t happy-”

“Do we have to get into it now?”

“Yes.”

“I’m just...before Jacob’s trial, we were so happy. I don’t know, maybe it was all fake because she never knew the truth about my past. She fell in love with the version of myself that I made up so I could forget about my past. It’s really fucking hard to accept that it’s over. Yeah, she says she loves me and she wants to make it work, but I don’t know how much I believe it. Yeah, we both make good money, but I’m the DA. That title still has some pull around here and people are nice to me just because I’m Andy Barber. She likes that. She likes it a lot. I keep holding on to hope that we’ll get back to how we were, but I just...I don’t know. Saying “it’s over” and following through are two very different things. I guess I’m just in denial,” he sighs before downing the rest of his drink.

You pause the movie and turn to look at him. “Stop feeling like you owe her something-”

“Y/N-”

“Just hear me out,” you interrupt softly. “The argument can be made that mistakes happened on both sides, and yeah, fine. In that sense, neither one of you owes each other anything. However, you didn’t cheat, she did. You’re not keeping her on a tight leash out of fear that she’ll cheat on you like you did her; she is. You’re not the one taking your anger out on Jacob, she is, and you aren’t the one who gave up on the marriage. She is. So, why are you putting yourself through hell? What does it prove? That you’re willing to make yourself miserable for someone who you don’t love the same way you did before? Things happen, and sometimes things fall apart. You making yourself miserable isn’t going to change anything. You heard Jacob tonight. He wishes you two would get a divorce, and I think you do, too.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you’re here with me instead of at home with your wife,” you tell him softly.

Andy sighs before rubbing the back of his neck, “you’re annoyingly smart.”

“Yeah, Jacob says the same thing,” you smirk at him before resuming the movie.

“You know...you’re gonna find someone who’s gonna treat you right.”

“I’m not holding my breath,” you snort before finishing off your drink. “Do you want another?”

“Why don’t you think you’re gonna find a good man?”

“Do you want another drink?”

“Oh no, you don’t get rake me over the coals then decide you’re gonna shut down.”

“I’m not shutting down,” you mutter, reaching across him and grabbing his glass before getting up and grabbing your own and getting, making your way over to the island.

“Then what’s going on?”

“If I say it out loud, it’ll sound stupid and I don’t exactly want to feel stupid in front of you.”

“Why would it be stupid?”

“Andy.”

“Talk to me, honey.”

“I just...I know what people in this town think of me, okay? I don’t date guys my age, because they’re too immature for me. I don’t take the older guys I sleep with seriously, because I know they’re just looking for a good time. The few that I gave a fair shot to, got mad because I wasn’t some dumb young thing they could control. As long as I’m here, I’m never going to have anything real. That’s just...that’s how it is and it’s whatever. I fuck around from time to time and it gets me by.”

“Why did you think that would make you sound stupid?”

“Because I sound like a child.”

“Wanting to be loved doesn’t make you sound like a child. It makes you sound like a regular adult. A regular person. We all want to be loved.”

“Yeah well, you’re sweet.”

“I mean it, sweetheart. There’s nothing childish about wanting to be loved as you are, and for who you are. God knows you’ve more than earned it.”

“I just don’t like being vulnerable, you know that.”

“It’s me.”

“Especially with you.”

“What does that mean?”

“You can always see right through me and it just...sometimes, it feels like you know exactly what I’m thinking. I feel like...sometimes you know me better than Jacob.”

“You don’t like that?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“It’s getting late and you should go.”

“What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“No, you’re upset. What-”

“Andy, you didn’t do anything, honestly. I’m just...I wish there were more guys like you,” you smile softly. “Maybe then, I wouldn’t hate it here so much.”

“The feeling is mutual,” he quietly responds.

“We should call it a night. We both have work in the morning, Laurie’s already wondering where you are-”

“We were having a good night, and I feel like-”

“Don’t feel like anything, because you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just in a weird head space.”

“Why do I always feel like I put you in a weird head space.”

“Andy-”

“Am I doing something wrong? Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“Andy, you do everything right, and that’s the problem. I shouldn’t feel like you’re the guy doing everything right. I shouldn’t feel as comfortable with you as I do,” you confess softly.

“Do you want me to go?”

“No, and that’s why you should,” you almost sniffle.

Andy lets out a sorrowful sigh, and in a way, that makes you feel worse. He’s fighting off the same thing you are. You both know that the intimacy you both crave isn’t right. It’s not so much sexual as it personal. You want him to hold you until you fall asleep, and he wants to. You want him to pepper your cheeks with soft and loving kisses, and you can tell that he’s dying to.

You’re dying for Andy to be yours and he wants nothing more than that.

For now? You’ll just blame the alcohol and pretend you won’t remember in the morning.

“Let me know when you’re home, okay?” you ask as you both stand by your door.

“We can just pretend-”

“No...no we can’t. Lets just stop while we’re ahead,” you smile weakly, ignoring the pain in your heart.

This is the right the thing to do.

Andy stands there with outstretched arms, and you’re more than happy to make your way over to him as he engulfs you in one of the best hugs hes ever given you.

“You’re better than all the rest,” he whispers into your hair before kissing it and letting go of you, opening the door, and walking out.

In that moment, you decide to let go of all of the fantasies you’ve ever had about Andy Barber. He isn’t yours (even if he does divorce Laurie), he’s Jacob’s father, and he’s never going to see you as you see him. If anything, you’d just be a welcomed distraction and a fun time. So, you start seeing him less and come up with excuses as to why he can’t come over. You miss him like crazy but what’s the point? Why torture yourself (or him) over something that can never happen?

Everything works out well enough until December.

“Okay, so ya know how I said you, me, and Sarah are gonna have a movie this Friday night?” Jacob asks from the speakers of your car asks as you drive home.

“Yeah?”

“Well, I completely forgot that, that night is the holiday party at my dad’s job. Which, I usually don’t care about, but he’s getting an award and I wanna be there for him.”

“Aww, that’s great, Jake,” you smile as you come to a stop light. “We’ll reschedule for another day-”

“Well, I want you to come cause I still want to hangout.”

“I don’t even want think about the cost of-”

“You don’t have to! My mom isn’t going and I ran it past my dad, and he’s fine with it!”

“Why isn’t your mom going?”

“Who knows,” he scowls “they’ve been arguing a lot more lately. I’m pretty sure I heard him throw out the word ‘divorce’ at least three times last night, and she was crying and begging him not to. I’m fairly sure hes been sleeping on the sofa.”

“How’s the apartment search going for you and Sarah?”

“On hold for the holidays, but we think we found a place we wanna move into by February.”

“Good, get the fuck out of that house.”

“I try not to think about it, anyway, will you come? Sarah is more than happy to go shopping with you for a dress.”

“Jacob.”

“Please?”

“When is it?”

“This Friday.”

“Jacob!”

“You usually have Saturdays off!”

“Does it really mean all that much to you?”

“Don’t make me feel like an asshole about this.”

“Oh, now you feel like an asshole?”

“Y/N-”

“I...I’ll go,” you sigh as you pull into the parking garage of your complex.

“Don’t make it sound like a death sentence.”

“You have to sit by him and I’ll sit on the other side of Sarah.”

“Why can’t you sit by him?”

“I’m not married to him, nor am I related to him, and he’s the DA. Me sitting by him won’t look good.”

“I didn’t think about that. Yeah, you’re right. I’ll sit by him, Sarah will sit by me, and you’ll sit by Sarah.”

“Lovely.”

“Y/N-”

“I just need to wash off today, it was shitty and I’m tired.”

“If you’re this upset about it-”

“I’m not, I’ll see you Friday and please let Sarah know that I’ll text her later about dress shopping later.”

“Y/N-”

“It’s just been a really long day, Jacob.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you. Talk to you later?”

“Sounds good,” he sighs before hanging up.

You turn off your car and think things over for a bit before deciding on something you probably shouldn’t have.

“Well, look who it is,” Andy scowls after answering his phone.

“Why isn’t Laurie going to the party?”

“We got into an argument, she doesn’t want to go, and I do.”

“Why doesn’t she want to go?”

“I want to see you.”

“Andy.”

“Why are you staying away?”

“You know why.”

“We haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Have you told Laurie where you’ve been spending your time?”

“Why does she need to know?”

“Andy-”

“I miss you, Y/N.”

You sigh in defeat and run a hand through your hair, “I miss you too.”

“Let me come over.”

“What did you two argue about?”

“Let me come over and I’ll tell you all about it.”

“Andy.”

“Y/N.”

“Two hours, that’s it. After two hours, you have to go home.”

“Two hours it is,” is all he says before hanging up.

You don’t know why you have butterflies in your stomach as you make your way inside of the building and up to your apartment, but you can’t shake them. You’re not going to do anything (you never do anything with him). Simply being alone with him sets your body alight with passion and excitement.

You’re quick to change: the big, black, knitted wool sweater he seems to like you in and a pair of gray sweatpants. You hurry into the kitchen, grabbing one of the bigger wine glasses and filling it. You know you should’ve told him one hour instead of two, but you really do miss him. You miss him so fucking much.

You get halfway through the glass when you hear him knock on your.

“You should turn on the heater,” he says after you open the door, stepping aside to let him in.

“I did just get home from work,” you mutter, quickly closing the door.

“Yet you changed and have a full glass of wine.”

“Priorities,” you shrug.

“You’re gonna catch a cold,” he scolds as he makes his way over to the thermostat.

“Germs get you sick, not the cold.”

“Why the attitude?”

“Why isn’t Laurie going to the party?”

“Why do you need to know?”

“Why don’t you want to tell me?”

“Because you’ll get mad and I don’t want that.”

“Jacob said you threw around the word ‘divorce’ a few times.”

“That I did,”Andy sighs as he finally takes off his coat, leaving it on the coat rack he bought you as house warming gift, before making his way to the kitchen and making himself a drink.

“She won’t agree?”

“Nope.”

“Andy-”

“I don’t like not seeing you, Y/N.”

“You didn’t come over here for this, don’t start that shit,” you sigh, quickly regretting your decision to agree to see him.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“You don’t wanna tell me about your argument with Laurie, I don’t wanna talk about this,” you shrug.

“Why are you arguing with me right now?!”

“Because you’re annoying, Andy!”

“I’m annoy-you’re annoying!”

“Then why are you here?!”

“Because I miss you!” he snaps, slamming his glass down.

You take a deep breath before finishing off your glass and making your way to your to kitchen and pouring yourself another glass. “Why isn’t she going to the party?”

“Will you just stop it? You miss me too.”

“Yeah well, I fucking shouldn’t.”

“Why not? We’re just friends-”

“Andy, just because I’m the younger one doesn’t mean I’m naive enough to be believe-”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare. You know I would never try to belittle you or think  less of you because you’re younger. That’s not fair.”

“Then why-”

“Because I know what can’t happen. You’re Jacob’s best friend and I know that what people think of you still bothers you. I wouldn’t ever do anything to make your life harder, especially while I’m still married. I would never ask that of you. So, we’re just friends. All we can be is just friends,” he finishes with a frustrated sigh.

You’re ready to tell him that he can do whatever he wants to with you, when your phone goes off.

You scowl in irritation (even though you know it’s for the best) as quickly make your way to the bedroom and answer your phone. “Hello?”

“We’re going dress shopping!!” Sarah squeals and you can’t stop yourself from laughing a little.

“That we are.”

“We never go shopping together, I’m so excited! What time should I pick you up tomorrow?”

“You don’t have to pick me-”

“Oh no, we’re making a day of this! Call in sick and then I’ll pick you up and we’ll spend the day shopping!”

“You are way too excited about this.”

“It’s gonna be so much fun! I feel like we haven’t spent a day together in so long!”

“I’ll text my boss tonight and tell him I feel like shit. He’s got a crush on me anyway, so I’m pretty sure I can get my way for a while.”

“Ah! This is perfect! Oh! Lets do brunch! I’ll pick you up at 12:30 and we’ll brunch first, then shop!”

“Sounds like a plan,” you laugh.

“Ugh, I can’t wait! This is gonna be so much fun! I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Sounds good, see you tomorrow?”

“Fuck yeah!” she squeals before hanging up.

You laugh to yourself before shaking your head. What the hell did you get yourself into?

“Wanna watch a movie with me?” Andy asks as you make your way out of your bedroom.

“We don’t have enough time for a movie.”

“Just stop. There’s no fucking time limit on this.”

“There should be.”

“Y/N-”

“Andy this isn’t right and you know it.”

“I miss watching movies with my best friend.”

“Laurie should be your best friend.”

“But she isn’t, not anymore,” he states softly, meeting you intense gaze. “Lets order dinner and watch a movie. I’m not going to do anything and you’re too good of a person to do anything. Lets just get sushi and enjoy the night.”

“You’re paying for the sushi,” you mutter, making your way to your little living area.

“Sounds like a plan,” he laughs softly, following right behind.

As you text your boss a bullshit excuse as to why you won’t be in tomorrow, you tell yourself that your Andy Barber fantasy is over, but it’s just a lie. Andy just basically admitted that he feels the same for you as you do for him, and it only makes you want him more. After you two finish dinner, he lets you choose the movie for the night, and you decide on ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ without hesitation.

One of your favorite movies.

You don’t know if it’s because of how much wine you’ve had, or how tired you are, but you find yourself cuddling up against him and not pulling away when he wraps his arms around you. You want, more than anything, to stay this way forever. Every so often, he presses soft kisses into your hair. and want so badly for him to kiss you everywhere else.

You’ve never felt so happy and safe and, at some point, you drift off .

“What’s happening?” you question lazily as you feel yourself almost floating, curling into Andy.

“It’s time for bed,” Andy chuckles softly.

“I don’t wanna go to bed.”

“Then you shouldn’t have gone to sleep.”

“Are you staying?”

“You know I can’t,” Andy sighs as he rests you down on the bed.

“I want you to,” you fuss as you get comfortable under the sheets.

“Don’t be difficult.”

“Then stay here.”

“You know I can’t,” he repeats as he gets off the bed.

“At least until I fall asleep?”

“I’d stay forever, if I could,” he tells you softly as he gets in next to you.

You turn over and hold him tight as you lay your head on his chest.

“Thank you,” you tell him softly as you quickly fall back into a state of unconsciousness.

“Anything for you,” he tells you softly, kissing the top of your head as he strokes your back softly. “I would do absolutely anything for you.”

**

When you wake up, you’re alone and somewhat heartbroken, and that irritates you. You already knew he wasn’t going to stay, and you know you can never be with the man, so why do you keep letting yourself fall for him more and more? Even if Andy was single, he’d still be Jacob’s dad. Jacob would never be okay with it, and you would never ask him to be.

You need to get over him.

“Hey, what’s up with you today, hun?” Sarah asks, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“You’ve been a million miles away since I picked you up,” she laughs. “You’ve barely touched your mimosa.”

“I just have a lot on my mind,” you laugh awkwardly before taking a sip.

“Care to share with the class?”

It sucks that your only other friend is your best friend’s girlfriend.

“You can’t say anything to Jacob,” you all but whisper.

“I won’t say a word.”

“I mean it, Sarah. You have to promise me.”

“I promise, Y/N. What’s wrong?”

“I...uh...I uh, think...I know I have a thing for And- I mean, Mr. Barber,” you quickly correct before downing the rest of your drink.

“Oh no.”

“Listen, I know nothing can ever happen, I’m not dumb, but I just...I don’t know, Sarah. We just bonded the day he helped me move into my place, along with Jacob. It started with just texting every so often, then phone calls at night, and then he started coming over. Nothing has happened, but...what the fuck is wrong with Laurie? How could she cheat on him?!”

“I’m sorry, come again?”

“Fuck, don’t tell Jacob!” you groan as the waiter comes over.

“Are you two ready to put in an order for food?” he kindly asks.

“Uh no, but we will take two more pitchers of mimosas as well as two pitchers of Merlot,” Sarah smiles at the man as you face palm yourself.

“Will do,” the man smiles awkwardly before walking away.

“We have to find me a dress, still.”

“Oh, we’ll find you a damn dress alright. Now what happened?”

“Some time after the trial, Laurie was still having reservations about everything, and she cheated on him. He said that she cried to him about it at 2am a few weeks later, and that’s when things really started going even more downhill. He doesn’t want Jacob to know because he thinks it’ll make everything worse.”

“It definitely will, but Jacob isn’t a child. He has a right to know.”

“Sarah.”

“I know I know, but it’s frustrating.”

“Imagine how I feel,” you smile sarcastically as the drinks are delivered. “So, anyway, I knew that I was starting to become too attached, so I’ve been seeing him less. Now, there’s this fucking party tomorrow and I don’t want to go, because...ugh, when Jacob called and told me yesterday, he said Laurie wasn’t going because they got into an argument. He said Andy threw around the word ‘divorce’ a few times, and I just...what the fuck am I supposed to do? So, I called Andy and asked him what it was about and all he kept saying is that he wanted to see me. He said he’d tell me if I let him come over, so I finally agreed.”

“Well, did he hint at what the argument was about?”

“He never told me. We ordered sushi and watched ‘Breakfast at Tiffanys’,” you sigh.

“Fuck.”

“I told him that we have to stop, because it’s wrong, and he said that he knows we can’t do anything, because I’m Jacob’s best friend and he knows that it still bothers me that everyone in this shit hole thinks so little of me. He also said he’d never ask anything of me while he’s still married.”

“Which means, if you had a different best friend...”

“So, that’s been running through my mind all day.”

“Well...shit.”

“What makes it worse is that this is exactly why Laurie didn’t want me around him-”

“Fuck Laurie, I’m sorry but that was bullshit. You didn’t hit on Mr. Matthews, and she fucking knew that. She made you feel like shit because of her own insecurities.”

“Be that as it may, she was afraid of me stealing him and now look.”

“I mean, it’s not like he wants to stay in the relationship. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve gone to that house and have heard them arguing. He usually gets fed up and storms out, and will stay out for hours.”

“I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“But you both want to be together.”

“He’s married, Sarah. Everyone here already thinks I’m man stealing whore, I don’t need to actually prove them right.”

“Fuck this town and the people in it. Mr. Matthews wasn’t even all that great, and you were a kid. They should’ve fucking stood beside you. This town is really good at blaming the wrong fucking people.”

“Speaking of that, there’s Jacob.”

“He’ll get over it.”

“He won’t like it. I’m younger than him!”

“Only by a few months! Listen, he’ll throw his little hissy fit, then he’ll be happy, cause both you and Andy will be happy.”

“You’re surprisingly happy about this.”

“I mean, I can see it. It doesn’t seem too far fetched to me, the more I think about it. You two are more alike than I ever thought.”

“You’re supposed to be telling me to stay away from him.”

“Probably, but it seems like a stupid thing to say. I’m not telling you to sleep with a married man, but it’s not even like he wants to be married anymore. Jacob told me that shes been begging him to go to marriage counseling, and he doesn’t want to. He’s over trying.”

“Even if he does leave her, which I really don’t believe he’ll do, what-”

“Why don’t you believe he will?”

“He’s in denial about it and why wouldn’t he be? They’ve been together for so long.”

“Babe, everyone can see that time is running out on that marriage. Jacob said he seemed pretty adamant about that divorce last night.”

“I’m not holding my breath. I don’t know, I just...I don’t know. What if Jacob thinks I’m the reason Andy is pushing so hard for this divorce?”

“So what if you are? You two haven’t actually done anything, have you?”

“I mean, we cuddled last night and he held me until I fell asleep, only because I asked him to though. He kissed the top of my head a few times.”

“Oh, you two are desperate for each other,” she giggles before taking a giant swig of her drink. “I see where Jacob gets it from.”

“Huh?”

“Before Jacob and I started having sex, he was always afraid that he was moving too fast and that he was gonna scare me off. After everything that happened, he was afraid sex would scare me off,” she scoffed before rolling her eyes. “Anyway, that was his way of showing me that he’s ready when I’m ready. Longing stares, holding me close, kissing the top of my head or my temple, just little ways to show that he’s ready to take the next step but that there’s no pressure.”

“I don’t think that’s what Andy’s doing. We were both just sad. He misses me and I miss him.”

“He told you that?”

“He said he misses watching movies with his best friend. When I told him that Laurie should be his best friend, he said she isn’t anymore.”

“Well, what are you gonna do?”

“The only thing I can do, stay away and mind my business. I won’t be the reason for their divorce.”

“Hate to break it to you, honey, but there’s no avoiding that at this point. Andy Barber has a thing for you, and he’s not getting over you any time soon,” she smirks softly before grabbing her drink

As the day goes on, and you two get drunker, her words roll around in your head.

Does Andy really have a thing for you, or is he just sad and looking for someone to make him feel better? Is it really all that wrong to explore since he’s trying to get out of his marriage anyway? If you ever decided that it was something you wanted to try and explore, would Jacob actually ever get over it, or would he hate you forever?

The more you think about it, the more annoyed you are. Why are you setting yourself up? You can’t ever be with him, so why does it even matter? None of it should matter.

“You have to pick on a dress,” Sarah slurs as you two clumsily make your way around the store.

“Everything feels inappropriate.”

“Well, if you’re not going to reel him in, you can at least reel someone in for the night,” she smirks at you and you let out a loud laugh.

“You’re a terrible influence!”

“I just want you to be happy,” she smirks with a shrug before her eyes land on a dress. “You have to try this on!! You’ll look so good!”

“Sarah! No!I can’t-”

“Why not? Make him fight harder for that divorce.”

“No!”

“You know you like it! Try it on!”

“Sarah-”

“Try it on,” she repeats, giving you the dress.

You begrudgingly take the dress and make your way to one of the fitting rooms, quickly undressing and pulling the dress on. The fact that it fits you like a glove only irritates you more, because you really do love it. However, you don’t want to wear it in front of Andy.

“Well, come on, lets see it!” Sarah calls from the other side of the door.

You scowl as you make your way out. “Don’t say anything-”

“He’s gonna have a hard time keeping his hands off of you,” she snickers as she looks you over “you look amazing.”

“I shouldn’t wear this-”

“The damage is already done, you may as well enjoy it,” she shrugs.

“I forgot how much of a trouble maker drunk you is.”

“I live for the chaos, baby,” she smirks and you burst out laughing.

At some point, Sarah calls Jacob and asks him to pick the both of you up. You know you shouldn’t, but you feel so guilty when he pulls up outside of the store. You haven’t done anything with Andy, so you don’t know why you feel like you’ve betrayed Jacob.

“Why are you so quiet back there?” Jacob smirks as he looks up at you from the rear view mirror.

“Words are hard,” you mumble as you gaze out the window.

“Bullshit, you haven’t been yourself in weeks. What’s going on with you?”

“Leave her alone,” Sarah snaps with a slur.

“Why do you get to know and I don’t?”

“Because I’m a lady and boys have cooties,” she says matter-of-factly, with a s smirk while Jacob laughs.

“Fine fine, what time should we pick you up tomorrow?” Jacob asks as pulls up to your complex.

“You don’t have to-”

“It makes more sense for us all to go together. I promise we won’t stay too long. I think my dad is just looking for a reason to get out of the house, honestly.”

“Does your mom knowing I’m going?”

“I don’t know, probably. They had another one of their famous mind numbing arguments, so who knows. He kinda stormed out last night and didn’t come back till late, and I haven’t seen him yet today. I’ll just tell her when I get home, no big deal,” he shrugs and you feel a pang of guilt.

Another painful reminder that Andy Barber is off limits.

“I’ll text you when I get home from work tomorrow, and we can choose a time then. For now, I need to lay down,” you sigh as you grab the big black garment bag that contains your dress, before opening your door and getting out. “Jacob, thank you for picking us up, and Sarah, thank you for getting me entirely too drunk,” you smirk as they both laugh. “I love you both, please be careful.”

“Yes mom,” Jacobs scowls and you flip him off, before stepping back and he pulls off.

The minute you get into your apartment, you hang the garment bag up on the coat rack, followed by your coat, before toeing off your shoes. You know you shouldn’t but you go into the kitchen and make yourself a drink, just wanting to be numb.

You’re in the middle of searching for the menu to your (and Andy’s) favorite Chinese place, when the your phone starts going off.

“Hmm?” you answer lazily, still looking for the menu.

“What color is the dress you got?” Andy asks and you roll your eyes.

“Go away.”

“No.”

“Andy.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t start this shit.”

“You can always hangup.”

“We both know I won’t. Plus, I’m drunk and am in no mood to be responsible one right now.”

“It’s 4:30 and you’re drunk?”

“Sarah and I had a talk during brunch that we both needed to be drunk for.”

“What was it about?”

“Don’t you worry about that.”

“Ya know, for a while, you told me everything.”

“Yeah well, you and Jacob can pout about it together, because I didn’t tell him either.”

“Ah, you and Sarah had a talk about you and me.”

“There is no you and me,” you huff, finally finding the menu and ignoring the pain you feel in your heart at what you just said.

“I’m trying to get her to sign the papers-”

“What does that mean to me? It doesn’t change the fact that you’re still Jacob’s dad. We just talked about this last night,” you sniffle as you put your glass down and wipe your eyes.

Fucking alcohol.

“Please don’t cry, sweetheart,” he begs softly. “Listen, if it’s making you this upset, don’t come tomorrow night-”

“That’s not an option because Jacob is really fucking excited. Also, I just got a dress just for this.”

“I’m sorry I’m so selfish.”

“It’s not like I’m not either.”

“There’s not a selfish bone in your body,” Andy sighs and you can tell he’s at war with himself. “Should I tell Jacob to go over?”

“No, because I’m not gonna tell him why I’m crying and he’s already worried about me, because he can tell something’s wrong.”

“Sarah?”

“She’s just as drunk as me. It’ll be like the blind leading the blind.”

“Well who? You know I don’t like leaving you alone when you’re upset. Especially, when you’re crying.”

“You don’t like to leave me alone at all.”

“That’s true,” he chuckles softly and a small smile comes to your face.

You could listen to him chuckle and laugh all day.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Andy.”

“It’s not like I can stop it. It’s not like I haven’t tried to stop it.”

“You have work to do.”

“I’m done.”

“Then go home.”

“Laurie’s home so I’d rather not.”

“Then what are you gonna do?”

“Sit in my office.”

“You can’t do that, Andy.”

“It’s my office, I can do whatever I want,” his says with a little smart-ass tone, and you can tell he’s grinning.

“I don’t like the thought of you sitting all alone in your office.”

“Well, I don’t like the thought of you sitting all alone in your apartment.”

“What are you gonna do for food?”

“Order Chinese food and have it delivered here.”

“Just come over,” you mumble in defeat.

“You just said-”

“We’re both about to order Chinese food, and I’m more than sure we’re about to get it from the same damn place. Just...just come over.”

“Sweetheart-”

“This is...it’s the last time. After this, we can’t do any of this anymore. We’re just making the wound worse, and it’s not fair to either of us. So, I’ll put in the order-”

“I can put in the order and pick it up.”

“I already have the menu out and I know what we both want. Just get over here.”

“Yes ma’am,” he laughs softly.

You quickly call the Chinese place and order 2 containers of dumplings (fried) for you both to split, a sushi platter that consisted of a dragon roll, Alaska roll, a tempura roll, and a kani roll, an order of the house special lo mein for Andy, an order of Singapore mei fun for yourself, and an order of two egg rolls for the both of you.

If it’s going to be the last hangout, you may as well make the most of it.

Finally, you go into your room and change out of your clothes, pulling on a pair of Boston University sweatpants and a ‘Rolling Stones’ t-shirt, before putting your hair up in a messy bun. After pulling on your fuzzy socks, you make your way into the kitchen and grab a glass, putting in only one ice cube before pouring some bourbon in it.

As if perfectly timed, there’s a soft knock on your door, and a small smile comes to your face.

“You didn’t waste any time, did you?” you giggle as you open the door and step aside, holding out the glass you made for him.

“Wanna get in as much time as I can since this is the last time,” Andy sighs as he takes the glass out of your hand and makes his way inside.

“You know I’m right, Andy.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Lets just enjoy the night, okay?” you scowl as you make your way into the living room and grabbing your drink.

“Why are you still drinking?”

“Because it’s been a long fucking day, Andrew.”

“Well, when you say my name like that,” he smirks as he makes his way over to you, and wraps his arms around you. “How’d you sleep?”

“Shitty. You?”

“Shitty.”

“Sofa again?”

“Of course you know about that.”

“Jacob tells me everything, you know that.”

“So why-”

“So why won’t she sign the papers?”

“Ask her.”

“I’m asking you.”

“Honey, I don’t know. I don’t have a single fucking clue,” he glowers as someone knocks on the door and announces ‘delivery’.

Before you even have a chance to move, Andy’s pulling out his wallet and making his way over to your apartment door. He pays the person, takes the food into the kitchen and grabs a couple of plates for you both, before finally bringing everything into your little living area.

“You didn’t have to pay.”

“You ordered it, the least I can do is pay for it. However,” he laughs as he takes a seat next to you “I wasn’t aware that you were gonna order the entire menu.”

“Only of all our favorite things. Figured we’d make the most of the night.”

“And you’re drunk.”

“Both can be true,” you tease before sticking out your tongue, and he laughs softly.

You’re both about to start opening up the food when there’s a knock on your door. Both you and Andy look at each other with a raised eyebrow before you answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s uh...it’s Mrs. Barber,” she responds softly.

Andy is up before you can look in his direction, grabbing all of the food, plates, his drink, and placing them all in your bedroom, before coming back out and grabbing his coat off of the coat rack and disappearing into your bedroom.

The man is efficient.

You try to calm your nerves as you slowly make your over to the door, suddenly feeling a bit more sober than you were before. “Hey,” you smile as you slowly open the door, realizing that she’s never seen your place...and that you’ve never been alone with her.

“I just realized I’m the only Barber who hasn’t seen this place,” she smiles awkwardly as she makes her way inside.

“That’s right, Mr. Barber helped us move everything in,”

“I know you were out with Sarah-”

“How is she?”

“She’s fine, sleeping it off in Jacob’s room,” she chuckles before anxiously rubbing the back of her neck. “You’re always so thoughtful and that makes me...”

“Mrs. Barber-”

“You can call me Laurie. You should. I honestly shouldn’t even be here, but I do want to tell you that the place looks great,” she mutters awkwardly as she looks around.

“Well, thank you, but-”

“Before I say anything else, I want to apologize. I know you heard what I said few years ago and you didn’t deserve that. It’s not that I have an issue with you, you’ve been nothing but great to Jacob. You don’t know how happy it makes me that both Sarah and him have you in your life, but...”

“You don’t like me around Mr. Barber.”

“I know you’ve done nothing to warrant it, but I know how you are-and there’s nothing wrong with that !” she quickly defends when you quietly scoff. “You’re young and gorgeous, and you should have fun while you’re young, before you start the next chapter of your life. Hell, sometimes I’m jealous because I never got to explore that part of myself. I fell in love and became a mother young, and that’s...I’m paying the price for it now,” she smiles weakly. “The thing is, Jacob and his father are more alike that people tend to realize-”

“Jacob’s never had a thing for me.”

“I hear the conversations you two have, the debates, your taste in music and movies, hell, you two have the same favorite Chinese place,” she laughs incredulously. “No, you’re not Jacob’s type, but you’re definitely Andy’s. I know Jacob tells you everything, so I know that you know that things are a bit rocky right now. I have no one to blame but myself, but I’m trying to fix everything and I can’t...I can’t do that with you in the picture.”

“So, do you just want me to stay away all together?” you sniffle, doing your best to hold back your tears.

“I’m fine...I’m fine with you being friends with Jacob. He needs you in his life and we need you in his life. I just...I know you’re going to the party tomorrow and that’s fine. Jacob’s excited and you bought the dress today...it’s fine. However, after this-”

“Stay away from Mr. Barber,” you nod with a soft smile.

“I know-”

“I’ve never done anything to you, Laurie. Even after you said what you said, I didn’t yell, I didn’t tell Jacob, and I didn’t make you feel like shit. I kept it to myself.”

“Y/N-”

“I just want you to keep that in mind the next time you decide to think little of me. I will steer clear of you and your husband, you don’t need to worry about me,” you smile softly.

Laurie says nothing. She just stands there and nods before slowly making her way out. The second the door closes, your bedroom door opens.

“She had no fucking right!” Andy all but yells as he storms out.

“Andy stop, she can probably still here you.”

“Good-”

“There’s no sense in making it worse,” you sob, finally letting your tears fall.

“Oh honey,” he sighs, making his way over to and wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. “You’ve done nothing-”

“No matter what I do, she’s always just going to think of me as some home wrecking whore. It doesn’t matter that I never did anything wrong. It’s never going to matter.”

“Stop it. You are a fucking saint, Y/N. You haven’t done a thing wrong, and you’re probably the most selfless person I know. Let’s just...let’s enjoy our dinner, okay?”

“Andy-”

“You have no reason to feel bad, you’ve done nothing wrong. Between the two of us, I’m the guilty one. Lets just enjoy dinner, okay?”

“Okay.”

Andy does his best to cheer you up as he brings the food back out, and puts on a movie you love, but even he can tell that you’re a million miles away.

“Y/N-”

“She’s always going to think less of me,” you sniffle as you throw your container of food down. “What’s the point of me trying to do the right thing, if this is how it’s always going to be? What’s the fucking point?”

“Honey, I know it’s easier said than done, but just ignore Laurie. You’ve seen enough and you know enough, to know that no one can do right by her. Especially because she’s incapable of holding herself accountable for anything.”

“If she’s just going to act like this, I don’t see why we don’t...” you trail off.

“Why we don’t what?”

“Nothing, just forget I said anything.”

“Y/N-”

“Andy, please don’t,” you smile weakly.

Andy’s only response is letting out a deep sigh before pulling you close and holding you tight. You settle up against him and take in his scent and his warmth, knowing you’ll never have a moment like this with him again. As he gently kisses the top of your head, you find yourself drifting off to sleep and wondering what it would be like to have all of affection.

You wonder what it would be like to have all of his heart.

**

When your alarm wakes you up the next day, you’re in bed alone and under the covers. You feel anger towards yourself as your eyes start to water, for not staying awake longer. The last night you got to spend with him and you fell asleep almost immediately after dinner. You wanted nothing more than to just stay in his embrace and hear his voice as much as possible. You were robbed of full night with your most favorite person, and you have no one to blame for it but yourself.

You try and get yourself out of your funk as you get ready for work, but you just feel empty and lonely. What you’re doing is for the best, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. By the time you arrive at work, you’ve cried and have had to reapply makeup twice.

You can’t wait to get to the part where this doesn’t feel like the hardest thing you’ve ever done.

“Oh, that’s not a face that looks ready for the holidays,” your boss smirks as he makes his way over to your desk, and you fight the urge to roll your eyes.

“How may I help you, Mr. Hathaway?” you smile the best you can as he leans against your desk.

“I’ve told you at least a hundred times, call me Thomas.”

“And I’ve told you that I’m not comfortable doing that. It’s unprofessional.”

“Maybe I want us to be unprofessional,” he smirks suggestively.

You take a deep breath before putting your pen down and look up to meet his sultry gaze, “how may I help you, Mr. Hathaway?”

“Go out with me tonight.”

“No thank you.”

“Why not?”

“Besides the fact that you’re my boss and it would be unprofessional, and that I don’t want to, I have plans tonight.”

“Oh? And what are you up to?”

“A party.”

“A party that you can’t bring a friend to?”

“It’s not that type of party, plus it’s not my party.”

“Well, make sure to let your friend know I’m offended.”

“I will make sure to let the DA know you’re offended,” you scoff without thinking.

“Oh?”

“I’m best friends with his son and Jacob invited me. No more and no less. District Attorney Barber is happily married.”

“I guess I’ll just have to try again another time,” he shrugs with a mournful sigh. “I’m not a man who gives up easily,” he winks before getting up and walking away.

It takes all of your energy not to let out a frustrated sigh and slam your hand down on your desk, but you remember how much you make and that you have bills. You grab your phone and instantly start to text Andy, before remembering that you have to stop going to him about everything. You want to tell Jacob, but you know he’ll just rip his head off. Telling Sarah is basically the same the thing as telling Jacob, so you just throw your phone back into your drawer and let out frustrated sigh and fight back tears.

It hasn’t even been a full day, and you miss the fuck out of Andrew Steven Barber.

Andy’s P.O.V

“Andy, did you hear me?” Lynn asks as she shakes me out of my thoughts.

“I’m sorry, I’m here. What’s going on?”

“Tonight, for the award-”

“Oh yeah, no, that’s completely taken care of. Jacob is going to present it since Laurie isn’t coming.”

“Is everything okay there?”

“Not really, no, but you’ve known that for a while,” I smile weakly as I take off my glasses and look up at her.

“Andy, if this is anything I did-”

“Laurie was Laurie long before anything happened with Jacob. The cracks were always there, we both just decided to pretend they weren’t. We were never supposed to end up together.”

“Andy-”

“It’s fine, Lynn. Sometimes things just don’t work out.”

“Andy, its not that work hasn’t been amazing as always, but you just seem far away. You’ve been going non-stop for a few years now, and it’s understandable if you want a break-”

“I’m fine, Lynn. I’m just tired of fighting her on this divorce. I’m tired of a lot of things. Work keeps me going and that’s what I need right now.”

“Andy-”

“Jacob is graduating soon and he’s gonna propose to Sarah this upcoming Summer. Probably his birthday, cause their anniversary isn’t until Fall. I need something to keep me going, Lynn.”

“Just...just let me know if you need time, okay?”

“Will do,” I tell her reassuringly as she gives me a small smile.

As she walks out, I can’t help but think of you. All I want is you. Every time I have to leave you, it’s the hardest thing in the fucking world. Now, I don’t even get to leave you, and for what? What’s the reason for two adults not being together? One way or another, I’m leaving Laurie, so that just leaves Jacob. I’m putting my happiness on hold for my son, who is moving out and getting married soon anyway?

I owe him that though. I owe him and I owe you.

You’ve been through so much already and you don’t need anymore shit messing up your life. You don’t need me messing up your life. This town is so fucking stupid for not even trying to understand what a beautiful soul you are. You’re courageous, funny, charismatic, caring, generous, thoughtful, and...

And what am I doing?

I can’t fall for you. We can never happen, so I need to get over whatever the hell is going on in my head. This isn’t serious, I’m just upset. I’m hurt and you’re a more than welcomed distraction.

Except you aren’t.

You are so much more than that. When I’m around you, I feel like I can finally breathe again. Your smile lights up my heart and when you laugh, I swear it’s a melody God composed just for me. Holding you has now become an all consuming addiction for me and I don’t known how the hell I’m supposed to survive without it now.

How the hell I’m supposed to survive without you.

Everything about you is everything that I love. It’s insane ton me that no one sees all the love you have inside, and all the kindness you hold in your heart, and it infuriates me that people let you down at every turn. I don’t want to be another selfish asshole to let you down though, so if you saying that we need to stop seeing each is for the best....

I run a frustrated hand through my hair and let out an exasperated sigh, as I take out my phone and look for the one video that always makes me smile when I’m fed up and overwhelmed.

“Andy! I know how to drive!” you laughed as you slowly turn the corner.

“There’s no one on the road and you’re driving at the speed of ‘no’.”

“Your car is nice! I don’t wanna damage it!”

“You’re not gonna damage my car at 2am! If you were this nervous about it, why did you offer to drive it?”

“Cause it’s a really nice car and I really wanted to drive it,” you told me innocently as I burst out laughing. “Besides, you’re the one who wanted to go out at 2 in the morning for ice cream!”

“I had a hankering,” I shrugged as you started laughing again.

“And you couldn’t bother Jacob because....?”

“He’s a terrible conversationalist this late, especially when you first wake him up.”

“That’s a painfully good point,” you giggled as you came to a complete stop.

“The ice cream is right there! Why are you stopping?!”

“Cause there’s a fucking stop sign! It’s the law! You of all people should know that!”

“I’m not a fucking cop!”

“You’re just as good as one!”

“You’re insane, did you know that?”

“Why are you recording me anyway?”

“So, that the next time you tell me you’re a perfectly capable driver, I can pull up the this video and show you that you are not,” I snickered.

You deadpan and turned towards me, before flipping me off, and there was no way to stop the full bodied laugh that left my body.

“I am a capable driver! We got here in one piece, didn’t we?” you laughed as you finally pulled into the parking lot.

“Sweetheart, we left your place at 2 and we’re just getting here at 2:20.”

“So?”

“It’s a 10 minute drive!”

“It’s a 24 hour ice cream shop!”

“Thank God, or else I’d be fucked.”

“Oh fuck off,” you laughed as turned the car off.

That was the best night I’d had in a while and it made me realize a lot of things. Things that felt guilty for...things I still feel guilty for. I had more of a connection with my best friend’s son than I ever had with my own wife, and I had only known you for...2 months? How fucking pathetic is that?

We sat on the hood of my car that night, eating ice cream and talking until the sun came up. We were both so open and vulnerable with each other and that’s when I started that things were different. I wanted to change so many things after that night, but it was out of my control. All of this has felt out of my control and I can’t change that, can I?

I can’t stop myself from loving you, believe me, I fucking tried.

Before we left, you took a selfie of us as the sun was coming up, and it’s my favorite photo ever. Your smile is so big and genuine and I’d never felt so content in my life.

Ugh, what the fuck am I doing? I can’t do this to you. I can’t put you through more hell. That’s not love, but holy fuck do I wish you feel my love for you. Feel it and know just how great and deep it is.

As I look at the photo of us, I know what I have to do tonight. No, I don’t like it one bit and it’ll hurt like a mother fucker, but what else can i do? Staying away is in your best interest, and I’ll do anything to keep you happy. Happy and safe.

How else am I supposed to show you just how much I love you?

Y/N’s P.O.V

“I’m sure you look amazing!” Sarah sighs from your phone as you finish up a few last minute touches on your hair.

“I should have gotten a different dress,” you mutter as you look yourself over in the mirror. “My shoes are all wrong.”

“Stop it, no they aren’t. If it makes you feel any better, Mr. Barber seems to be just as anxious as you are.”

“He’s getting an award tonight.”

“Yeah okay, we’ll blame it on that. That makes sense,” she scoffs. “Listen, we’re gonna be leaving soon, so just clam down. I’m sure you look beautiful and we’re all gonna have a great time tonight. Just take a deep breath and we’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Sounds good,” you sigh before hanging up.

You know that everything is fine, but the thought of seeing Andy after everything that happened last night, it’s just too much. You know you can always say that you just don’t want to go, but you also can’t. Not when it’s this close and not when you’re so desperate to see Andy. Even if you can’t hold him, you can still hear his voice, and that’s better than nothing.You start pacing around in your apartment, trying to relax and telling yourself it’ll be okay. For fucks sake, you’re going to be in public with the man. If neither of you would act on anything private, there’s no way anything is gonna happen in public.

But still. The thought alone of just seeing Andy makes your whole body hot, and feel insanely alive all at once. Plus, you know Andy is going to look amazing, because he always does. How you’re supposed to be out with all of them tonight and not think some of the thoughts that you’ve been thinking lately is beyond you.

There’s also the fact that it’s just Andy. Andrew Steven Barber. In such a fast amount of time, he’s become the center of your world. You want to keep him safe, happy, laughing, and...

Well, you want him to feel loved.

Whether it’s late night drives, late night phone calls, movie nights, listening to him vent, holding him while you two sit in silence, or just indulging in his favorite movies when he’s frustrated...you want him to know that he’s so insanely loved.

That he’s insanely loved by you.

You can’t love him though. You’re not supposed to. He has been off limits since the day you met, even before then. Maybe it would be different if you two would have met when you were younger, but Laurie made sure that didn’t happen. No, when you finally met Andy, you were both adults and all of the rules that should’ve been in place went out the damn window.

Now, you’re just a woman with a broken heart, in love with a man that can never be yours.

Your phone buzzing pulls you out of your thoughts, and you take a deep breath before looking at it.

The Dark Lord: We’re here!

You look yourself over in the mirror one more time, making sure your grandmother’s blue, rhinestone encrusted butterfly pins are set perfectly, before grabbing your coat and purse, and slowly make your way out.

“Your hair looks amazing!” Sarah beams as you get in the backseat of Andy’s Audi.

“It’s alright.”

“No, it looks so good! I love it so much!”

“It really does look great,” Jacob smiles as he turns to look at you from the front seat.

“And you all haven’t even seen my outfit,” you laugh nervously as you close the door behind you. “Thanks for the ride, Mr. Barber.”

“Thanks for coming,” he smiles as your from rear view mirror, “your hair really does look nice.”

“Thanks, yours doesn’t look so bad yourself,” you smile softly as you put on your seat belt. “Excited for your award tonight?”

“I have a feeling that it’s out of pity, so no,” he scoffs as he pulls off.

“Dad, you’ve worked hard your entire career,” Jacob encourages “you deserve this.”

“It would be a lot easier to believe if-”

“Mr. Barber,” you interrupt softly “you’ve dedicated your life to your career. I don’t know what the award is for, but I know you deserve it. The work you do always finds a way to show its reflection of yourself in life.”

“That’s funny,” Jacob chuckles “my dad always says that.”

Sarah gently squeezes your hand and gives you a sad but reassuring look.

You’re in for a long night.

**

“You haven’t danced all night!” Sarah whines as another song she loves comes on.

“Go dance with your boyfriend,” you snort as you take another sip of your whiskey neat.

“Are you going to be a sour puss the entire night?”

“Sarah, since I’ve taken my coat off, I have been hit on nonstop. The last thing I want is to go out on the floor and make it worse for myself. I should’ve gotten another dress,” you sigh, contemplating finishing off your drink completely.

“Okay, what happened?” she asks sincerely, taking a seat next to you “you weren’t completely defeated last night and now-”

“Laurie came over last night, while Andy was hiding in my bedroom-nothing happened,” you quickly explain once you see the look on Sarah’s face. “We were about to have dinner when Laurie came by, and Andy ran into my room to hide. Anyway, she came over and said...she said some things,” you scowl before downing the rest of drink, quickly standing up and grabbing another drink for both you and Sarah, as a waiter with full tray walks by.

“What things?�� Sarah all but growls as she takes the drink from you.

“She has asked that I stay far away from Mr. Barber. I can continue to be friends with Jacob, and it’s fine that I came here tonight, but after all is said and done I need to stay away. I’m a threat to her marriage, even though I haven’t done anything, and that in order to keep her marriage to keep her marriage afloat, I can’t come around because I’m Andy’s type.”

When Sarah says nothing, you look up and see her trying her best to hold on to her resolve and you scoff.

“Yeah, that’s how I feel too.”

“She’s the one who cheated! She’s the one who said those nasty things about you!” Sarah whispers harshly.

“Which I reminded her of by telling her that I never made her feel as small as shes always made me feel, I never told Jacob and started drama, and I never made a scene.”

“What did Andy do?”

“He wanted to go after her and yell at her, but I stopped him.”

“Why-”

“It only would’ve made it worse. She doesn’t know we’ve been hanging out in secret, and she’d start a shit show. She wouldn’t care about the impact that it would have on Andy or Jacob-”

“Or you.”

“I don’t matter in all of this,” you smile sorrowfully at her.

“Babe, yes you do-”

“Jacob has been through enough and so has Andy. Why the hell should they have to endure more hell over me? Because I’m in love?”

“Because you deserve to be happy!”

“Sometimes we just don’t get what we want, and that’s fine. At some point, I’ll get over it and things will be alright.”

“He shouldn’t be with her!”

“That doesn’t mean he should be with me, Sarah,” you sigh as you fight back your tears. “I can’t force him to leave her, I’m not going to beg him to leave her, and I’m damn sure not about to make anyone’s life harder. I know Andy is pushing for a divorce, and I hope he gets it, but him being with me will never be okay. Age difference aside, she’s going to turn this whole town against him, and hes worked too hard. Hes done too much, and Jacob? You and Jacob?”

“We can all just move!”

“Sarah-”

“Why can’t you both be happy? Why does she have to win? Yeah, Mr. Barber and Jacob deserve to be happy, but so do you! He wants to be happy with you! He loves-”

“Don’t,” you warn as a single tear falls from your eyes. “Just don’t.”

“This isn’t right and you know it.”

“Why can’t you just-”

“Because you’re my best friend too! You have been through so much and you’ve handled it so much better than anyone deserves. If it were me, I would’ve gone off on everyone a million times over. Both you deserve a win! You deserve a win,” she sniffles softly as she wipes her eyes.

“Sarah-”

“Hey, what’s going...babe, what’s wrong?” Jacob asks, instantly seeing the distressed look on Sarah’s face and tears in her eyes.

“Nothing, I just need to go for a walk,” she sobs before getting up and quickly making her way out.

Jacob looks to you and you just shake your head “go after to her and clam her down.”

“What-”

“Just go, Jacob.”

“Fucks sake,” he sighs before following after her.

“What the fuck was that about?” Andy whispers as he takes a seat next to you.

“Just spreading holiday cheer,” you smile sarcastically as you raise your glass and take a sip. “Seems like everyone is a fan of you tonight.”

“Honey, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Don’t. Don’t do that when you already know what’s wrong.”

“Listen, just because-”

“Andy!” a tall man greets, pulling both of you out of conversation.

You look him over and instantly recognize who he is.

“Neal,” Andy greets with a warm smile.

“Just wanted to congratulate you on tonight, you’ve more than earned it.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

“I’m sorry, don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t think we’ve met,” Neal smiles at you, and you glare straight through him.

Fuck Neal Loguidice.

“Neal, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Neal Loguidice,” Andy smiles awkwardly, noticing that your glare isn’t going anywhere.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Neal smiles at you as he looks you over, extending his hand, which you just stare at.

It’s Andy’s job to place nice with his coworkers, not yours. Neil fucked over both you guys so, as far as you’re concerned, he can go fuck himself.

“Well,” Neal starts awkwardly as he clears his throat, “I guess I’ll see you around, Andy.

He’s quick to smile with a small nod before almost rushing off.

“Well, I guess that’s that.”

“Fuck Neal,” you mutter before taking a sip of your drink.

“Sweetheart, lets take a trip to my office.”

“Lets not and say we did.”

“We need to talk.”

“This isn’t the time or the place.”

“Please, let’s just go to my office,” Andy pleads desperately.

You can hear the pain in his voice and it only makes all of it so much harder, “let’s go,” you mumble, standing up and grabbing your drink.

The walk to his office is tense, quiet, and fairly quick. You try to keep a good distance from him, but you also long to be near him. By the way he’s holding out his hand, (like he wants you to take it) he feels the same.

“Somehow it’s exactly how I thought it’d be, and at the same time, it’s not,” you comment with a soft smile as you take a seat in front of his desk.

“You’ve thought about my office?” Andy chuckles as he closes his door.

“You’ve called me from here enough, it’s hard not to wonder what the place you love so much looks like.”

“You know the place I love is any place you are,” he sighs heavily, taking a seat at his desk and opening the bottom drawer, “you look miserable.” He takes out a glass and a bottle of bourbon, “I feel like I’ve done nothing but make your life miserable, and that makes me feel like shit, cause you’ve done nothing but make mine better. In so many ways.”

“It’s nothing you’ve done and you know that.”

“Me not being in your life would make it better though, wouldn’t it?”

Your silence just causes him to shake his head as he pours himself a drink.

“Y/N-”

“What do you want me to say? Obviously, there are parts that would be easier if we weren’t as close as we are, but since you’ve been in my life, I’ve been happy. So fucking happy. I look forward to our late night calls and texts, I’m so happy when you randomly stop by and we go on drives, I can listen to you talk about anything forever, I just...you’re married and I’m the town whore,” you scoff.

“Stop that, you didn’t do anything-”

“It doesn’t matter, Andy. You heard Laurie last night! She believes I didn’t do anything, and she still wants me to stay the hell away from you!”

“Yeah well, Laurie’s a bitch,” he mutters before sipping on his bourbon, placing it back down.

“Andy-”

“What? It’s just you and me right now, there’s no need to lie. We don’t lie to each other and we’re not about to start now.”

“Andy-”

“Fuck her! Fuck her and this whole fucking town! You haven’t done anything to deserve this! I’m so sick-”

“Baby, there’s Jacob,” you interrupt softly, reaching your hand across his desk to hold his free hand.

“There’s Jacob,” he sighs heavily, grabbing his drink again with his other hand and taking a long sip from it. “You look so beautiful tonight. Absolutely gorgeous,” he smiles at you, his eyes watering a little.

“Please don’t-”

“I’m going to stay away. Even after all is said and done with Laurie, I’m going to stay away, because I refuse to be another person in your life to let you down. I love you too much for that and you deserve better. You deserve so much better from everyone, and I want to be someone who does that for you.”

“Andy, you know it’s not what I want-”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. I know it’s not what either of us wants, but you’ll never do anything and I’ll never ask you to. Enough has happened and this is for the best. It’s the right thing to do...you feel it’s the right thing to do, and I’ll abide by that.”

“Andy, I...wait a minute, what do you mean you love me?”

“What do you mean what do I mean? I love you. Of course I love you, how could I not?”

“Wait, you can’t-”

“You don’t get to tell me what I do and don’t feel, sweetheart. You are funny, kind, charismatic, tough, sexy, energetic, witty, smart as hell...I could go on forever,” he chuckles humorlessly as he grabs his glass and takes another sip. “I love you just as much as you love me.”

“You don’t know that I love you-”

“You’re not as slick as you think you are, sweetheart.”

“I don’t want to-”

“I don’t want to love you either, but it’s starting to feel like we didn’t have much of a choice. All I want is for you to tell me the truth. In this room, in this moment, tell me the truth,” he begs softly.

You give his hand another gentle squeeze and a weak smile as tears start to fall from your eyes, “I love you, too.”

“I’ll stay away from you. I’ll stay away and keep you safe.”

“Andy-”

“It’s the least I can do. Like I told you before, you’re the least selfish person I know. It’s time you get something back.”

“I don’t want this, Andy.”

“Neither do I, sweetheart. However, you think this will be best, so I’m abiding by your rules.”

“If you don’t want this, why are you-”

“Because you do, and I love you. When you love someone, you don’t force your ideas and wants on them, you listen to them and do you your best to make them happy.”

“Andy-”

“I love you, Y/N. It’s as simple as that. If this makes your life easier, I’ll do it. Anything that makes you breathe a little easier, I’ll do it.”

For the next 10 minutes, neither of you say anything to each other. You just sit there in silence, sobbing softly while you both drink, holding hands. It’s the closest to heaven you’re going to get, so you just want to live in it as long as possible.

However, you both know you need to get back and that Jacob’s patience is wearing thin, so you’re the first to get up and head back. When you get back to the table, both Jacob and Sarah look irritated.

Great.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a moment?” Jacob asks softly, standing up once you reach the table.

“I’d really rather not.”

“Y/N.”

“Why?”

“Just come on,” he scowls, taking a hold of your wrist and practically dragging you out of the room.

“What the fuck?!” you yell the second you two are outside.

“What is going on with you?”

“Jacob-”

“No, you protect me from everything and everyone all the time, but this is the first time that you’re not letting me do it for you. Sarah won’t tell me a damn thing, you’ve been distant and moody, getting you to hangout is like pulling teeth, and I’m fucking worried about you!” he shouts, almost out of breath.

The sight of him has your eyes welling up all over again. His eyes show nothing but pure and genuine concern, his shoulders are tense, and he looks like he’s at his wits end.

This is why you can never be with Andy.                  

“I’m fine, Jake,” you sob.

“Hey, it’s me. You can always talk to me. What happened? Did someone hurt you? Is it your boss? Did I do something? Y/N, please just talk to me.”

“I’m just never...I’m just unhappy with my life right now. I’m so fucking unhappy and I feel like that’s just how it’s always going to be,” you cry, finally letting go.

“Hey no, that’s not true at all! Stop it,” Jacob coos softly as he wraps you in a tight hug. “This isn’t like you at all, Y/N. What happened?”

All you can do is continue to sob, so Jacob walks you both over to a nearby bench and sits you both down. You continue to cry into Jacob’s shoulder, and he gently strokes your back. You can’t help but feel like a complete idiot.

Why did you set yourself up? You’ve always known that Andy is off limits, so why did you ever start making yourself available to him? Why did you ever let yourself get excited at the thought of spending time with him? Him opening up made you feel so fucking special and for what? Him memorizing all of the things you love and make you happy; it shouldn’t have mattered at all.

But it did.

Andy Barber was the first man you’d ever met that made you feel like you were more than just an object; more than just a thing to fulfill men’s fantasies. He took the time to know you, he took the time to learn all of the things you love and make you smile. He was always there for you (no matter how big or large the problem was), he was always able to make you laugh, he was always able to pull you back when you’d go too far off the deep end. He always listened to you without judgment...from the day you two met, Andy had been everything you dreamed of and more.

Even Jacob, with all of his well-intentions, he still looked at you with bedroom eyes from time to time. Hell, he still does every once in a while. Maybe it’s because Andy’s older and more experienced, but he has never made you feel like you’re good for only one thing. From day one, Andy has always made you feel like a person instead of an object. He made you feel like everything about you mattered, not just the parts that could get men off.

“Tell me what’s going on, Y/N,” Jacob coos as your tears finally start to slow.

“My fucking parents,” you lie, trying to calm down and figure out the most believable thing to tell him. “The fucking holidays...they know Christmas is my favorite fucking holiday and they’re bickering about who I should spend it with. When in reality, I don’t want to spend it with either of them.”

“Just spend it my family. My mom loves you, you and my dad are best friends whenever you two are around one another, you and Sarah are best friends-”

“No, it’s not...it’s not just that. I fucking hate this stupid town. I just...I’m just worn out, Jake. I’m exhausted and just need a fucking break. I wish I could just start over and be someone else.”

“The world would be a much shittier place if you weren’t you. Why didn’t you just come and talk to me?”

“You have so much going on already-”

“Listen, you are the best friend I could ever have. You make all of the time in the world for me, of course I’d do the same for you. I just realized that I’m an asshole who dragged you out here without a coat. Lets get back inside,” he smiles and chuckle, wiping your eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Just know that there isn’t anything you can’t tell me. I’m always here for you, no matter what,” he promises sincerely.

Well, if you didn’t feel like shit before, you sure as fuck do now.

You two head back inside and when you get back to the table, it’s obvious to you that Sarah and Andy had a talk. Andy looks defeated and Sarah looks even more heartbroken than she did before.

“What’s wrong with you two?” Jacob laughs as he takes a seat.

“I think I’m going burn these shoes,” Sarah laughs.

“I told you you’d end up hating them!”

“But they were so cute!” she laughs as he dips down to kiss her. “Next time just carry me out of the store.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he smirks “dad, what’s up with you?”

“Just wish tonight could’ve gone differently.”

“Don’t let mom being mom ruin this for you. It was a great night and I’m sure she’ll regret it. Just focus on everyone here who actually supports you.”

“You’re right,” Andy smiles weakly. “Lets say we get out of here, huh?”

“Yeah, I don’t think my feet can tolerate much more of this,” Sarah laughs as she stands up.

“Dad, it really was a great night,” he tells him reassuringly before taking his suit jacket off the back of his chair.

If only Jacob knew how shitty the night really went.

**

The days leading up to Christmas are the loneliest days you’ve ever experienced. Some days, you’re able to talk yourself out of a breakdown, and other days they’re unavoidable. Since you can’t talk to or see Andy, you settle for the next best thing: watching old video and reading through old text messages. It’s the only thing you can think of to dull the pain without actually seeing him. Every day you hope he’ll cave, but you know he won’t because that’s not who he is.

That’s not the man you fell in love with.

It doesn’t help that Jacob keeps begging you to come over for Christmas. You know he means well, and that it’s part your fault because you lied to him at the party, but the thought of seeing him with her fills you with so much anger. It’s all bullshit, because he isn’t happy at all. Having to sit there and watching them fake it for hours will only drive you insane. Plus, you know she’ll make a show of it because you’ll be there, and that’ll only anger Andy and make him uncomfortable, and you could never do that to him.

Sarah’s been giving you small updates from time to time, and she says he’s barely home. When he is, he’s a recluse, the arguments have gotten louder, and he’s easily irritated. Part of you wishes she wouldn’t tell you anything, because all it does is make things harder, but at the same time you’re happy to get them. You want updates on him because you need to know how he is. The fact that he’s so unhappy and frustrated makes you even more upset. You just want to hold him and make everything better, but you can’t. You want to take a late night drive with him and tell him it’ll get better, but you can’t. You want to take care of him the way hes always taken care of you, but you can’t.

You just want your Andy to be okay.

Eventually you got Jacob off your back about Christmas by lying and saying you decided to spend it with your mother, because you’re worried about her, which is why you’re now laid out on your sofa (in just the extra large AC/DC crew neck he got you on a whim), watching ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ while eating a pint of strawberry cheesecake ice cream. You can’t have your ideal Christmas, so you may as well settle for second best.

You roll your eyes when you hear your cell phone going off and choose to ignoring (hoping that Jacob, your mother, or father) would take the hint and go away. However, when it goes off for a second time, you scowl before answering it.

“Hello?” you answer harshly, hoping whoever is on the other line will take the hint and go away.

“Well, Merry Christmas to you too,” a familiar deep voice responds with a soft chuckles.

“Andy?”

“Hey sweetheart.”

“What...you can’t-”

“I told everyone I needed to go for a drive, it’s fine.”

“We’re not supposed to-”

“Come to the window,” he demands softly.

Almost instantly, you’re on your feet and looking out of the full window in your small living area, “you get to see me but I don’t get to see you? That’s not fair.”

“Let me rectify that,” he laughs before letting his window down and smiling up at you, “better?”

“Much,” you smile with a small wave “why aren’t you home?”

“I am now.”

“Andy.”

“It’s Christmas. I wanted to get as close to being with the one I love as I could.”

“Andy-”

“You have amazing legs, sweetheart. Is that the AC/DC crew neck I got you?”

“It is,” you laugh softly with a small sniffle.

“Are those tattoos I see on your thighs?”

“Yes they are,” you laugh, remembering how much your mom hated them and cried when she first saw them.

“How did I not notice them at the party?”

“The dress covered them.”

“Well, I was robbed.”

“Andy,” you laugh “what are you doing here?”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby.”

“I also dropped off your Christmas present.”

“What?! Andy-”

“Relax,” he laughs softly “it’s not some big to-do. I know you’d hate that.”

“I didn’t get you anything! I wasn’t-”

“Seeing you right now is a gift, even if it’s not exactly the way I want it to go. I’m happy, honey. This is more than enough.”

“Andy...” you trail off, fighting back tears.

“Go to the door and get your present. God, you don’t know how hard it was for me to not knock on that fucking door.”

“How long have you been out there?” you ask as you make your way over to your door, quickly opening and closing the door after you pick up the neatly wrapped gift.

“Longer than I should,” he laughs.

“You didn’t have to do anything for me,” you smile softly as you sit on the window sill.

“Open it!”

“I am! So damn pushy,” you laugh as you pull the wrapping paper off. “Oh...Andy...this is so fucking thoughtful.”

“I did good?”

“I’m putting it in bedroom and the other on my key chain holding my car keys and the key to my apartment,” you sob as you look over the thoughtful gifts.

One of was a medium sized framed picture of the selfie you two took while sitting on the hood of Andy’s car, while the sun rose and you two eat ice cream. The other, was a quote from ‘To Have and To Have Not’ that said “If you want anything, just whistle.”

“I should have gotten you something,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes.

“This is more than enough.”

“I love you, Andy. God, I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too, honey.”

“You should be here.”

“I know I should be,” he sighs heavily “how’s ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ going?”

“Same as it always goes,” you laugh softly.

“I’m gonna go.”

“Please...just a couple more minutes?”

“You don’t know how hard it was for me to not knock on your door and beg you to let me in.”

“Who says you would have had to beg me for anything?”

“Honey.”

“I just...I keep thinking what this day would’ve been like if I spent it with you. Really spent it with you.”

“Yeah? What do you have in mind?”

“We would’ve had breakfast together, watched sappy Christmas movies, exchanged gifts, watched more movies together...”

“And then what?”

“Hands where I can see ‘em, Barber,” you smirk and he chuckles “we would have taken turns showing each other how we appreciate each other.”

“Tell me not to come up there right there right now and show you how much I love you.”

“Don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because it can’t happen, baby.”

“I just want to be with you, honey.”

“I feel the same,” you smile weakly.

“I’m gonna go. Merry Christmas, I love you.”

“I love you, Andy. Merry Christmas.”

As you watch him drive off after he hangs up, you clutch the key chain tighter  and wish that you’re selfish enough to tell him to stay. All you want is to fall asleep and wake up him by your side, holding you close and kissing you deeply. It’s not fucking fair that the one person who finally makes you feel alive is the one person you can’t be with.

So, from that day on you’re even more frustrated and irritated. Why can’t she just give him the damn divorce? He clearly doesn’t want to be with her, so what the hell she still trying to hold on to. She knows that Andy will give her whatever she wants, so why she can’t she just let it go? As for Jacob...if he really hates the idea of you then obviously you’d back off, but what it really be so bad to try?

Ugh, you don’t know why you keep thinking about it, because it can’t happen. Even with Laurie gone and Jacob magically accepting it, there’s still the fact that you have a reputation that will never change. You could never do that to him. He’s been through enough, and the last thing you want is to add another obstacle and frustration to his life.

You can’t be with him, so you just need to let it go. You need to let all ideas of Andy Barber go.

“Darling,” your father calls, pulling you out of your thoughts “you didn’t answer my question.”

“I didn’t hear it,” you mumble before taking a sip of your coffee.

“Are you going to be mad at me forever?”

“Can we not do this today? It’s a nice Spring day and I’m just not in the mood.”

“You’re acting like I’m some sort of-”

“First of all, I’m not acting like anything. You’re an asshole and you know what you did was fucked up. I know how you lost all the money in the first place. You gambled it all away, not giving a damn that you had a wife and child at home. You did what you wanted, then picked fights with mom over it. THEN, you somehow managed to beat the odds and win the fucking lottery, and you’re still a dick. You start seeing her,” you snap looking over at his young bride “and start picking the most idiotic fights with mom. Then, to top it all off, you fucking leave like a coward. In the middle of the night so you don’t have to deal with any of the aftermath. As if that wasn’t bad enough, you had my best friend’s dad serve mom the papers! So let’s not sit here and pretend you’re not a complete dick, because you are. Second, you brought her here and didn’t bother to fucking tell me about it, because you knew I wouldn’t fucking show if she came. You’re trying to force me to be okay with her, when you know I’ll never be okay.”

“Y/N-”

“You left!” you snapped, slamming your down on the table. “You left and you left me all alone to clean up the mess that you made! I don’t wanna hear it!”

“Y/N-” his new wife starts.

“If you wanna leave this place without a broken fuckin’ nose, I suggest you shut up,” you warn, glaring at her. “As for you, don’t sit here and act like it’s damn surprise that the sight of you makes me sick!”

“What about you?! It’s not like you’re some saint! Everyone knows that Laurie Barber doesn’t want you around her husband!”

“That’s because she’s a cunt! I haven’t laid a hand on Mr. Barber and I haven’t seen him in months! Don’t try to paint us as one and the same, because we are so much less alike than you’d ever think!”

“Y/N, stop. I had no right and I’m sorry-”

“Jesus, are we done here? Have we put one another through enough?”

“Y/N-”

“Are we done?!”

“Yes,” he sighs sorrowfully, hanging his head in defeat.

“Fucking amazing,” you mutter before throwing your towel down and getting up “feel free to never call me again.”

As you walk out, you can’t help but feel bad. Yes, your father has had it coming for years, but your outburst wasn’t because he’s a piece of shit, it was because you miss Andy. You haven’t seen him since Christmas and it’s driving you insane. Is that all you two have now? Stolen moments on holidays? Stolen moments where you two can’t even touch or hold one another? Why can’t you just let it go? Why can’t you let Andy go?

You’ve studied the photo he gave you for Christmas a million times, hell you even hold while you sleep sometimes. Why? Because it’s all you have. Sometimes, you tell yourself that you’ll just move and start over, but just makes everything hurt more.Yeah, you’re away from him now, but being another state away? Another country? It’s just too much.

You try to get your mood together as you get ready to go over Jacob’s house, but you know he won’t be there and she will be. How you haven’t got into an all out fist fight with Laurie Barber yet is beyond you, but with the way your day is going, you won’t count anything. As you try to put together a decent enough outfit, your phone goes off and you pray it’s someone who won’t want to make you throw yourself out of a window.

“Hello?”

“So, I hear you went to lunch with your father and I’m the big bad witch.”

Prayer denied. “Hi mom.”

“I don’t know why you even bothered to go at all, why you try to have a relationship with him.”

“The same reason we keep up this charade, mom: he won’t leave me alone.”

“Don’t be a bitch.”

“You started it.”

“Why don’t you settle down? Everyone knows you love older men, and older men love to settle down. Laurie Barber is so desperate to keep you away from her husband, why don’t you go after him?”

“It’s 5:30 in the evening, mom. You’re this drunk already?”

“Well, I was bored,” she sighs with a humorless laugh.

“Unfortunately, I don’t have time to entertain you. Talk to you later,” you mutter before hanging up and almost throwing your phone down.

It’s not like you were in a good mood to begin with, but after having to deal with, but there’s no way in fuck you can be in the Barber household right now, especially with Laurie being there. You let out a heavy sigh knowing that the call you’re about to make isn’t going to go well.

“Hey!” Jacob answers enthusiastically and it only makes you feel worse. “Are you on your way?”

“I uh...I’m not coming. You guys have fun without me.”

“Y/N-”

“I don’t need it today, Jake. I had the lunch from hell with my father and then my mother called me, drunk, and decided to tell me that she thinks everyone in town still thinks that I’m a whore.”

“What the...are you serious?!”

“Don’t Jake, just don’t.”

“She can’t talk to you like that!”

“She’s my mother, apparently she can do whatever she wants.”

“I’m gonna-”

“You’re not going to do anything, Jake. Just leave it alone. I’ll handle all of it at some point, I just need to decompress.”

“So you’re gonna find someone to sleep with?”

“Well, I haven’t been fucked in months and I’m having the day from hell, so why not?”

“It seems like you’re always having the day from hell.”

“Jesus, not you too! Can I just catch a fucking break?! We can argue tomorrow?!”

“I miss my best fucking friend! I feel like I haven’t seen you in-”

“Jacob, when you’re in this house, watch your mouth!” you hear Laurie yell and you feel your blood start to boil.

“Jake, I’m sorry I let you down and I love you to death, but I can’t fucking do this right now. I need time away.”

“Fine, whatever. Talk to tomorrow,” he grumbles before hanging up

You can’t catch a fucking break.

You throw your phone down before heading into your bedroom and searching your closet. Maybe getting fucked will help you. No, it obviously won’t be getting fucked by the man you want, but something has to be better than nothing at this point...right?

You pull out one of your sexier dresses, making sure to tie it low, so there’s a good view of your cleavage,you wear your favorite skinny open-toed black heels, and apply your makeup perfectly. It’s not lost on you how good you look, and you’re hoping to be back at your place soon enough, but all of it feels wrong. If you’re not going home with the one you want, why are you going out at all?

The only thing you can come up with is that you need some sort of release before you snap on someone.

By the time your car service pulls up to the bar, you’re regretting going out at all, but you have to try. You can’t make your whole life about Andy, and you have to try and move on. Moving on doesn’t mean finding Mr. Right, it just means not letting yourself get wrapped up in one person that you can never be with. You’re determined to leave with someone.

However, by hour two of your excursion, you’re ready to throw in the towel.

It’s not like you haven’t been hit on by attractive men, but they’re all the wrong men. The more you try and force yourself to be engaged and attracted, the less you feel encouraged to go through your plan. As you sit at the bar, wondering why you can’t just give him up. ‘How Do I Make You Love Me?’ by the Weeknd starts playing.

“Well, this is a welcomed surprise,” a deep familiar voice says as he takes a seat next to you.

“Of all the gin joints in the world,” you smirk before finishing your drink “how may I help you, Mr. Barber? This really isn’t the type of place I ever expected to find you in.”

“Wasn’t my idea,” he smirks as he nods towards the other end of the bar, a few of his friends nodding at the both of you.

“Why aren’t you at...cause I’m supposed to be at your house right now,” you chuckle humorlessly as the bartender brings you another whiskey neat.

“How many of those have you had?”

“Not enough,” you grin “I’m sure Laurie called you to tell you it’s safe to come home.”

“I don’t want to be in that house.”

“And why is that, Mr. Barber?” you slur slightly as you turn to look at him.

“It’s not a home unless you’re there and you know that,” he confesses softly. “Why are you here?”

“I’m trying to get over you.”

“Don’t do that,” he begs quicker than he means to.

‘How do I make you love me? (How do I make you fall for me?)’

“Why not?”

“Because you’re mine and I’m yours. Don’t throw us away so quickly.”

‘How do I make you want me? (And make it last eternally?)’

“Don’t.”

“You’re right, lets get you home.”

“That defeats the purpose.”

“Don’t make me watch you go home with someone else, please.”

“You can leave now.���

“I don’t wanna leave without you.”

‘I only want what’s right in front of me.

It’s quite unusual, seeking approval,

Begging for it desperately’

“We can’t keep doing this to each other,” you tell him softly as you look away from him.

“Let me take you home,” he begs softly.

“What if I said I don’t want you to take me home?”

“I’d call you a big fucking liar,” he smirks before looking at the bartender “she’s done here and would like to settle her tab,” he smiles as he pulls out his wallet.

“Andy-”

“If I hadn’t see you, I would be able to pretend,” he confesses softly as he hands the bartender his card, “but I wouldn’t leave until I saw you leave, and it would fucking kill me.”

“Andy-”

“I love you, Y/N. God, I love you so fucking much, and it drives me insane, because I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t want to fall asleep next to you every night, I shouldn’t want to hear your voice every second of every day, I shouldn’t want to hear what my name sounds like when it leaves your lips as I fuck you senseless, I shouldn’t want to shower you with gifts, I shouldn’t want to kiss you all the time, I shouldn’t fucking love you, Y/N. Even if there wasn’t Laurie, even if you weren’t Jacob’s best friend, you’ve been through enough hell and you deserve to be young and finally fucking have fun. You should be hooking up, dating around, and just having fun. We shouldn’t be what we fucking are to each other, but I just...Jesus, I love you. I’ve tried to stop and do the right thing, but I just...you live in my head and my heart. I can’t get you out, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, because I don’t want to be another person in your life asking too much of you,” he finishes, letting out a defeated sigh as the bartender hands him his card. “If I hadn’t been here tonight, I could pretend that you’re at home watching ‘Casablanca’ for the millionth time, but I’m here and I see how you look. Someone else being buried deep inside you, feeling your warmth, getting to know you intimately...I just can’t handle that. Finish your drink and I’ll let the guys know I’m taking you home,” he says softly before walking.

You instantly down your drink, because what else can you do? The man just poured his heart out, telling you that he feels the exact same way you do, so what else are you supposed to do? You’re in public so you can’t cry, you can’t hug him, and you sure as shit can’t kiss him. All you can do is drink your fucking drink and ignore what you’re feeling.

As he makes his way back over to you, he cocks an eyebrow and you just nod. The walk to his car is quite and so is the car ride to your place. You want to say something, but you don’t know what to say. The only thing you can think of is how much you love him, how much you want him, and the fucking lyrics to that song.

‘How do I make you love me? (How do I make you fall for me?)

How do I make you want me? (And make it last eternally?)’

All you want is Andy and you want everything with him forever. It also doesn’t help that his confession about wanting to fuck you senseless won’t stop playing in your brain on surround sound. You know that part of the reason for it is because you’re touch starved, but it’s not like that matters much anyway.

The only touch you’re starving for is Andy’s.

By the time he pulls into the parking garage of your complex, your brain is at war with itself and going a million miles a minute.

“You didn’t have park down here.”

“You’re drunk, I’m not letting you go up there on your own.”

“I can take the elevator, Andy.”

“Good, so I can drop you off and come right back down.”

“Andy-”

“Honey, it’s been a long fucking day. Just let me do this, please?”

“Fine,” you huff, getting out of the car and slamming the door shut.

“Why are you mad at me?”

“Like you said, it’s been a long a fucking day-”

“No, talk to me!” he snaps grabbing your wrist.

“Jesus Andy!” you yell, but as you turn to meet his gaze, you see that his eyes hold nothing but love and pure genuine concern.

Why are you two so fucking gone for one another?

“Andy...just let me go.”

“Talk to me.”

“This can’t ever...you deserve better! You talk about how much I’ve been through, what about you?!”

“What about me?”

“Your dad, losing your mom right before college, everything with Jacob, all of the shit Lauries’ put you through...you think I want you to have to deal with the scrutiny that comes with dating the town whore?”

“You’re not-”

“It doesn’t matter, Andy. They’re all committed to seeing me in that light-”

“But I’m not,”he says firmly, but his tone is still soft as softly grips your shoulders.

“Andy, I love you. It honestly hurts, because you were never...this was never supposed to happen. You’re a dream that’s never supposed to come true.”

“Sweetheart, you’ve always been my dream,” he tells you softly as he rests his forehead against yours.

You want to live in this moment forever.

“You have to get me upstairs,” you sigh, looking down at your fingers interlocked with his.

“We should get started then, shouldn’t we?” he questions so softly you barely hear it.

You two continue to hold hands as you walk to the elevator, and you don’t let go for the ride up to your floor. The only time Andy lets go of your hand is when you’re fishing out your keys, and even then he’s reluctant to let go.

“You’ll let me know when you’re home safe?” you question as you both step inside your apartment, but you can barely focus on hearing his answer.

“I always do. I’m sorry I-”

Before the last bit of the sober part of your brain can protest, you’re pulling Andy close and kissing him as if you’re life depends on it. It’s not desperate or messy, but it does a good job of showing just how much you need him. How much you’ve always needed him.

You expect him to stop and pull away, but his response is the exact opposite. He pins you against the wall and deepens it, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you as close to him as he can. His tongue traces the outline of your bottom lip as his hands start to explore your body, and you gladly give him access as you run your hands through his hair, gripping it just enough to get a grunt of approval.

It feels like you’re finally alive; every bit of your body tingles with excitement, and every part of you that he touches feels as if it’s on fire. You’ve never felt something so all consuming and powerful, and you never want it to end. Andy’s awoken something deep inside of you, and now you don’t know if you can survive without him.

You barely were before.

He starts to trail skillful kisses down your neck as he fumbles with the front of your shirt, trying to untie it, and it feels like heaven. “Andy,” you moan as your eyes flutter shut and you lull your head back.

He freezes almost instantly.

“Fuck!” he breathes heavily into the crook of your neck. “I gotta go. Shit!”

“What? No! Why-”

“Don’t, sweetheart,” he sighs as he stands up straight, “fuck, I’m so sorry-”

“Andy what did I do? What’s wrong?”

“You are perfect, you could never...it’s me. I know better and still...you’re drunk!”

“What does that have to do with anything? I love you whether I’m drunk or sober. I want you whether I’m drunk or sober.”

“It would be one thing if we were both drunk or sober, but I can’t do this and not feel like I’m taking advantage of you!”

“I kissed you!”

“Because you’re drunk!”

“Okay, so I acted on liquid courage, so what? It doesn’t change-”

“Honey, please.”

The look on his face lets you know that he’s at war with himself and it breaks your heart. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I can’t keep...you aren’t mine.”

“Yes I am, Andy,” you tell him softly holding his torn gaze. “I’m all yours and yours alone. No one’s touched me since that day you showed up at my apartment for drinks, and I’ve been in love with you since that night we went out for ice cream and watched the sunrise. I am all yours and I only ever want to be yours. Drunk or sober, you’re all I’ll ever want.”

“God, this isn’t fucking fair,” he grumbles, resting his forehead against yours. “I’m so fucking in love with you...I wish I could show you...I’m gonna go, sweetheart.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I don’t want to, but it’s for the best. I’ll text you when I’m there.”

“I love you.”

“I love you,” he sighs heavily, kissing your forehead before leaving.

In no time at all, you’re undressing yourself and getting yourself off in bed; Andy’s name leaving your lips every time you reach your climax. No, it’s not ideal and definitely how you wanted to end your night, but it’s enough.

For now.

**

Andy’s P.OV.

“Jesus Laurie, just drop it! It was three weeks ago and I told you about it!” I yell as we have the same argument, for what feels like the millionth time.

“What were you even doing in a club, Andy?!”

“You didn’t want me here, remember? You wanted me to out of the house, because Y/N was supposed to be here.”

“Well, she very clearly wasn’t, Andy! I text you that it was okay to come home-”

“I’m not a fucking dog, Laurie! You can’t just command me around-”

“I’m not trying to command you-”

“Yes you are! For fucks sake, just sign the divorce papers! There’s nothing to save! Let it go!”

“Stop saying that! What? Are you in love with someone else? Are you-”

“Yes Laurie, I am in love with someone else, and you refusing to do the one thing I ask you to do is making it all that much harder to move on!”

“Why am I the only one fighting to make this marriage work?!”

“Because you’re the one that cheated!” I shout as I make my way into the living room. “You never loved me, because you never knew the real me, and that’s fine. It’s my fault, but now...what’s the reason to keep this up? Jacob’s about to move out, you clearly have other interests-”

“That was once!”

“It was twice, and one of them was an actual fucking relationship! Laurie, I can’t keep-”

“I love you! I know I’ve fucked up and I’m sorry, but we can salvage this!”

“There’s nothing to-”

“Yes there is!” Laurie yells, throwing her glass down.

How the fuck did we end up like this?

“Look at us, Laurie. There’s nothing healthy or right about us anymore. We just don’t work anymore. This doesn’t work and there’s no reason for us to try and force it. Just let it go. Let me go. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“You just need time, Andy. We both do.”

“Laurie, I’m in love with someone else and I’ll be in love with her until my dying breath. I did everything in my power to fix this and now I’m tired. I’m tired and I’m done.”

“You just need time.”

“No, I need a fucking divorce. I’m done, Laurie.”

“I’ll spend the night at my parent’s place and give you time to think about it. We’ll talk about it more when I’m back in the morning.”

“Laurie, you can be gone for a week. You can leave for a month for all I care. I’ll still want a divorce!”

“Just think on it!” she snaps before heading upstairs.

I let out a frustrated grunt before heading into the kitchen and pouring myself a glass of bourbon. 12pm on a fucking Saturday and I’m already pouring myself a drink.

Great.

I don’t know how many times I can have the same fucking argument before I truly snap. I’ve done all I can to be graceful about this, and maybe that’s the fucking problem. I keep trying to spare Laurie’s feelings and am unable to show you that I’m all in.

It’s not like it’s lost on me that our relationship is going to be hard, but I don’t care. I don’t care about the stares, I don’t care about the whispers, and I don’t care about the backlash. Jacob? He’ll be pissed, but he’ll get over it. If he can’t...then it’ll just something else that we have to work through.

I love you. I just want to be with you.

“Alright, I’ll call tomorrow when I’m on my way back and we can-”

“Laurie, I’m moving out. I’ve found a condo and I’m gonna start packing up my stuff next week.”

“You just need time, Andy,” she mutters as her eyes start to water.

“Laurie, please just sign the damn papers. We tried and it just didn’t work-”

“We’ll talk when I get back tomorrow. We both just need to cool off,” she sniffs before turning and walking out.

Why can’t any of this be easy? I just want you. I just need you. For the sake of Jacob and you, I’d really rather not get into an all out war with Laurie over this, but I’m done. I can’t keep telling you I love you and not actually showing you. Not actually prove it. I’ve gotta figure out a way to get out of this and get you back in these arms where you belong.

I need to figure out how to make you mine.

Y/N’s P.O.V

As you pull up to the Barber household, you only see Andy’s car in the driveway.

Great.

You quickly pull out your phone and dial Jacob’s number, praying that he answers.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. We should be leaving soon,” Jacob sighs as soon as he answers.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just didn’t think we’d be at her parents so long, and now I feel like an asshole because I bullied you into hanging out.”

“Don’t feel like an asshole,” you scoff, rubbing the back of your neck, “I’ll just head home and you can-”

“No no, just stay there. You know where the spare key is and I’m sure my parents won’t care. Just hangout in my room and we’ll meet you up there.”

“Jake-”

“No, because if you go home, you’re just gonna wanna hangout there for the night. We all swore that we were gonna go out tonight. Between work and school, we all need this.”

“I promise that I won’t make us all stay in the house.”

“You’re so full of shit,” he chuckles as you start laughing, “we really should be leaving soon. Just make yourself comfortable and we’ll see you in a bit.”

“Sounds good,” you smile before hanging up.

You know that it’s in your best interest to go home, especially since Andy’s home, but you don’t want to let Jacob down. You’ve been a moody bitch for months and it only got worse after everything that happened with Andy.

Andy.

You haven’t seen or spoken to him since you two briefly made out in your apartment. Hes tried calling and texting, but you’ve been too embarrassed and ashamed to answer. How could you be so careless? So empty headed? He’s married and you’re best friend’s dad. What made you think it okay?

The fact that you love him.

Drunk or sober, it was bound to happen. Trying to hide from your feelings could only get you so far for so long. You and Andy had been playing a dangerous games with fire for a while, and it only made sense for it all to come to a head when you’d been drinking.

However, facing him after everything...it feels impossible.

But you’re not about to let Jacob.

You take a deep breath before getting out of your car and looking the house over. You’ve been in this house a million times, but this feels so much heavier. It feels heavier and it feels wrong.

How are you supposed to go into the family house when you know you’re part of the reason it’s about to be broken up? No, you’re not the main reason, but it’s become very obvious didn’t start pushing hard for the divorce until you two started spending all your free time together. It also doesn’t help that you told him just how in love with him you are.

You let out an exasperated sigh and rest your head on the steering wheel. You owe Jacob, plus he said he’d be home soon. As long as you hide out in Jacob’s room and avoid Andy, you should be fine.

The second you get out the car, you race up the steps (not wanting to be seen my the neighbors for fear of them telling Laurie), grab the spare key from the inside of the porcelain frog that sits on the top step, and and practically run inside. You expect to be met with some sort of noise, but it’s eerily quiet.

“Hello?” you call out.

No response.

“Andy?”

Non response.

‘I guess he’s out with Laurie,’ you think to yourself with a shrug.

You check your phone and see that it’s 5:40. The plan was to head to the restaurant at 6, so you just have to hold out for a little bit. You quickly make your way upstairs, and stop right outside of the Barbers bedroom. Well, Laurie’s bedroom since Andy never sleeps in it anymore. For just a moment, you contemplate going in and grabbing one of Andy’s sweaters. It’s not like anyone’s home. You can quickly spray it with his cologne, throw it in the trunk of your car, and none on one would have a clue.

But you can’t.

Besides the fact that it’s stealing (and borderline crazy), it’s not going to help anything at all. In fact, sleeping in something of his that smells exactly like him,  will only make it worse. You’ve got to stop. You complete your journey to Jacob’s room and lay down on his bed, hoping and praying that Jacob get home before Laurie and Andy do.

As much you try to fight it, you find yourself falling asleep, finally realizing just how tired you are. It makes sense, because you did spend last night crying over Andy.

Just like every other night.

You’re not worried because you know that Jacob will have no problem with waking you up loudly and rudely. You fall asleep hoping that, for once, your dream won’t be about Andy.

However, you know in your heart that it will be. Everything is always about him.

**

You’re awoken by a loud thunder clap, and you almost fall out of the damn bed. It’s pitch black and you can heavy raindrops against the window and the  roof, and you try to figure out what fucking day it is.

You check your phone and see that it’s 10:30, you have three missed calls from Jacob, one unread text from him, and a flash flood warning.

Lovely.

The Dark Lord: I’m assuming you’re asleep. I’m so fucking sorry, when we were finally ready to leave, this stupid storm started. Sarah’s parents begged us to stay until it was over, but it only got worse. Now we’re 6 wine glasses in and in no shape to drive. Not to mention, this rain isn’t letting up any time soon. PLEASE stay at my house, I don’t want you driving in this shit, and I promise to make it up to you. I’m so fucking sorry.

You roll your eyes as you look at outside and see that Andy’s car is still the only car that’s at the house. Maybe everyone decided to stay where they were at.

Y/N: I’m finishing off the bottle of whiskey that’s in your room.

The Dark Lord: That’s more than fine. We’ll all out to breakfast or lunch tomorrow. Again, I’m so sorry. I love you.

Y/N: It’s fine, I’d rather you be safe more than anything else. I love you and tell Sarah I love her too. I’ll see you both tomorrow.

You toss your phone down onto the bed before grabbing the bottle he keeps tucked away in his bottom drawer. Deciding that you’re not in the mood to wear pants, you change into one of his hoodies while turning on his TV. All you’ve eaten today is a granola bar; you’re hoping that you’ll get drunk and knock out quickly. Even though you drink the bottle quickly, it’s not working: you’re at the end of the bottle and you’re only buzzed. You groan in annoyance and decide there’s no shame in raiding the Barbers’ alcohol cabinet since no one’s home.

You make your quick trek down the steps and you’re so focused on your task at hand that you don’t notice anything else around you. You just want to get back in bed and go to sleep.

“Watch your step, there’s glass,” Andy slurs, causing you to scream and jump at the same time.

“What the fuck, Andy?!”

“How did you not know I was here? My car’s parked outside.”

“I called for you when I first got here! I called for anyone!”

“Oh, I was knocked out. I was drunk by 3:30, slept it off. Woke up again at 7 and decided I was still thirsty.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“You’re drunk, not fucking stupid. Don’t lie to me.”

“What were you going to get?” he smirks, finally looking over at you.

“A glass and a bottle of something to drink so I can go back to sleep.”

“Grab a glass and have a drink with me.”

“Let me go put pants on.”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen your legs before.”

“This is different.”

“How so?”

“We’re alone.”

“Which makes it even better.”

“Andy-”

“Go grab your glass, honey,” he urges reassuringly, with a wave of his hand and a car dealer smile.

You ignore all of the voices in your head telling you not to do it; instead you watch your step and grab a glass from the kitchen. You take a deep breath and look at the pictures on the fridge: Jacob, his parents, Jacob and Andy.

‘Don’t do anything stupid,’ you tell yourself mentally before making your way back into the living room.

“Since when do you like the Turner Classic Movies channel?” you ask as you take a seat on the sofa.

“Well, ‘Maltese Falcon’ was on earlier and I wanted to impress you, then ‘Fall of the House of Usher’ came on and I just never turned the channel,” he shrugs and you laugh. “Sorry you got stuck here.”

“It’s fine. Better than being stuck in my apartment.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Needed to get out. I wasn’t doing good in there all alone.”

“You should’ve answered my texts or returned my calls.”

“And deal with having to face you? No thanks, I’m good,” you chuckle humorlessly as you pour yourself a drink, down it in one shot, and pour yourself another.

“Is loving me really so terrible?”

“It is when we can’t be together.”

“Why can’t we?” he asks, turning his full attention to you. “You got bangs.”

“Sarah said I should.”

“Good choice on her part, you look amazing. You always look amazing.”

“What happened, baby?”

“I lied to you,” Andy starts as he pours himself another drink, “I said Laurie only cheated once, which was complete and utter bullshit. The first time she cheated, it was a full on affair. They had hotel dates, he took her out to dinner and bought her flowers, fucked her a lot, but I forgave it because I wanted to try and make it work. She’s my wife, the mother of my son, and we’ve been together forever, so of course I wanted to make it work. Then, the night that I was at your place and we were watching ‘Vivacious Lady’, when I didn’t answer. She went out and cheated again.”

“What the fuck?! Andy, I’m so fucking sorry!”

“So, I’ve been pushing even harder for the divorce and she still refuses. She thinks I just need more time, which I very much don’t. I’m not in love with her, and the more that I think about it, I don’t think I ever was. Sure, I had feelings for her, but never like the feelings I have for you. Not even close. So, we got into an argument, she threw the glass down in frustration, she asked me if I’m in love with someone else and I told her yes, and she said that I just need time and we’ll talk about it when she gets back in the morning from her parent’s house.”

“Andy...I’m so-”

“Why are you sorry? What did you do? You didn’t tell her to cheat, you didn’t tell her to lie to me about it, and you sure as shit didn’t push her into someone else’s arms. She did that. If anything, I’m sorry. I keep telling you that I love you and then I don’t prove it. I don’t show it.”

“It doesn’t matter because we can’t-”

“Why can’t we be together, sweetheart? I’m leaving Laurie, one way or another, and Jacob will get over it. I love you and you love me, so why can’t we be together?”

“The town-”

“Fuck all of them. Who gives a fuck what they think? Who gives a fuck if they turn up their noses? You wanna move out of state? Let’s go. You want me to fight any asshole who gives you a hard time? I’ll fucking do it. I love you. I want to be with you. That’s not changing.”

“Andy-”

“Come here, sweetheart,” he coaxes softly, and it’s like your body can’t help but obey; it’s on auto pilot.

With your drink in hand, you slowly make your way over to him and straddle him, “I should go back to my place.”

“Not in this weather, and we both know you don’t want to. You belong right here with me, just like I belong with you.”

“How are we supposed to be together? Laurie will go out of her way to make your life miserable-”

“Isn’t that what she’s doing now?”

“Baby-”

“You are so fucking beautiful,” he comments softly as he looks you over. “So fucking beautiful and the best fucking soul I’ve ever known.”

“You’re drunk,” you basically whisper as you look over his features.

His grays aren’t necessarily noticeable, but the ones you see peeking out accent him well. He looks exhausted but not old, frustrated but not worn out, and anxious but not terrified. He looks like he just needs someone to take his mind off of things for a while, and you want more than anything to be that for him.

“Ya know, I really like your tattoos,” he chuckles as his hands smooth over your thighs.

“Yeah? You don’t disapprove?”

“Hard for me to do that when I have a few of my own.”

“Oh?”

“If you want, I can show you tonight.”

“What do you want?”

“I want to love you until you’re spent, honey,” he whispers hotly against your neck before kissing it.

“Andy, are you sure you want this?” you moan as you grind against him slightly.

“You don’t know how many times I’ve gotten off to the thought of you being a begging mess beneath me,” he groans as he starts rubbing your clothed clit, making you let out a desperate whimper. “Lace panties?”

“I didn’t...I didn’t think anyone would know. It’s laundry day.”

“Lucky me,” he chuckles, picking up his pace. “Ya know, if this thin material is already soaked, I wonder what that perfect little cunt feels like,” he smirks as he pushes your panties to the side, before lightly tracing over your aching lips. “God, this pussy is just begging for me, isn’t it?” he questions before easily sliding two fingers in you.

“Andy,” you moan softly, gripping one of his shoulders tight with your free hand, giving in to what you’ve wanted for so long.

“Aren’t you just the perfect girl?” he husks as he starts to slowly fuck you.

“Baby, please don’t stop!”

“I’ve barely done anything and you’re so ready for me to destroy you.”

“I haven’t been touched in so long...been dreaming of this, Daddy,” you whimper as he picks up his pace.

“God, I can’t wait to taste this fucking cunt! What a good little girl!”

“Andy!”

“Oh, someone’s close,” he smirks as he curls his fingers, rubbing that spot that brings you to life.

“Daddy please!” you cry out as you press your forehead against his.

“Cum for me, baby! I’ve been dying to taste this cunt and I can’t wait to be deep inside you.”

“Andy!” you cry out, cumming hard on his fingers as you get lost in the euphoria of it all.

He fucks you through your ecstasy, pressing soft kisses to your temple, as you try and come back down to reality. You’re well aware that there’s no coming back from the line you two just crossed, but you also don’t care. You don’t want to come back from it. The both of you held off long enough and it’s way past time for you two to truly express how you honestly feel for one another.

He slowly removes his two fingers before smearing your lips with them. Before he has a chance, you kiss him deeply as you grind your hips against his. He groans into your mouth, and it’s enough to send you off all over again.

“You taste so much better than I ever imagined,” he broods once you two break apart. “Tell me you want this as much as I do.”

“I’ve never wanted anything more,” you whisper, leaning in closer. “I think you should take what’s always been yours, Daddy,” you finish before gently biting on his ear lobe.

In almost a blink of an eye, Andy’s hold on your waist is tighter and he’s standing up as if you’re weightless. You wrap your legs around him before going in for another all consuming, passionate kiss, surprising yourself with just how well you’re able to keep a hold of your drink.

Andy only makes it halfway up the stairs before he’s pinning you against the wall, and furiously making out with you while grinding himself against you.

“Baby please,” you whine, desperate to feel his skin pressed against yours.

“Wait...waited so fucking long to have someone as perfect as you,” he breathes out as he trails kisses down your neck: “I wanna savor every moment of this.”

“You can have anything you want from me tonight, baby. You can take everything you want from me.”

He marches you up the hallway, a step at a time, pace quickening the closer he gets to the already open bedroom door. He kicks the door closed behind the both of you before gently letting you down off him and lying you onto the bed (you finally placing your drink down on the nightstand), leaning over you with an eager smile, raining kisses onto you like a spring shower.

Right as he’s about to pull off your panties, he stands up straight and takes a step back, “take off the hoodie.”

The command is soft, but is stern enough to let you know that he’s done being cute about everything. You keep your gaze on him as you sit up, before slowly removing Jacob’s hoodie, which leaves you only in your lace black bra matching your panties.

“Fuck.”

“Now, you have to show me something,” you encourage as you slide one of your hands down between your legs.

“Anything you want,” he husks as he fights the urge to start palming himself over his pants; his eyes never leaving you and your movements.

“Lets start simple, baby. Take off your shirt,” you moan, separating your legs so he can get a better view of you caressing your clothed clit, biting your bottom lip so you can suppress a moan.

It’s hard not to focus on the bulge in his pants and how much you want what he’s concealing inside your mouth, but the second his shirt is off, you can’t take your eyes off of his chest.

“Jesus.”

No, he isn’t littered in tattoos, but he has a few on his perfectly sculpted pecs, and his abs look like you can cut diamonds on them.

Andrew Steven Barber is perfect.

“My turn, get that fucking bra off,” he pathetically moans as he finally gives in and starts to palm himself over his pants.

You’re slow to stop your movements. You move your hands up to the back of your bra, unclasping it, letting it fall down in front of you; before removing your arms from the straps, letting it fall freely and tossing it to the side.

“Fuck me,” he growls as he starts to crawl on to the bed, but you hold up your foot to stop him.

“Gotta make it fair, Daddy. Pants off,” you pout as your hand resumes its place in the middle of your legs.

“Don’t keep me waiting, sweetheart.”

“Then take them off,” you demand with a moan and a seductive smirk.

He almost falls over with how fast he tries to get his pants off, but the second they’re off, you feel your cunt clench around nothing but the sight of him in his boxer briefs.

He’s about to ruin you for every other man.

He slowly crawls onto the bed before forcing your hand out of the way and ripping your panties off, “I’m done waiting.”

It’s not lost on you that Laurie and Jacob could come home at any moment, but you’re so far past the point of caring. The both of you have waited long enough and no one is doing anything wrong. You both did your best to be as responsible and mature about this as you could be. The waiting is over.

He belongs to you just as much as you belong to him.

“Andy,” you whine as he hooks your right leg over his shoulder, kissing up your inner left leg.

“Don’t be a brat,” he warns, slapping your cunt as he continues to kiss up your leg, changing once he reaches your thigh and he slowly runs his tongue up its lower side, teasing your clit with little kitten licks.

“Shit! ‘m...I’m so sorry, Daddy! Won’t do it again,” you promise with a silent cry as you grip his hair, grinding yourself against his face.

“Such a needy little thing,” he chuckles before teasing your entrance with three fingers, “this pussy... tastes like a fucking dream!”

“Daddy please!”

“Daddy’s gonna take care of you, don’t you worry that gorgeous little head of yours,” he coos before using his lips to pull on your clit, while he easily slides two fingers inside you.

“Oh God, yes!” you cry out, arching your back a little as your free hand squeezes the sheet. “Just like that, baby!”

Andy takes his time exploring you with his tongue, licking and sucking on your clit as if trying to commit it to memory, before removing his fingers and licking your soaked folds, while his thumb skillfully circles your clit.

“N-need you so much, please,” you mewl, releasing the sheet and starting to claw up his back.

If Laurie finds out, oh well.

“ ‘m so fucking close!”

It’s almost as if you’ve activated a primal need in him, because his mouth is instantly back on your clit, licking and sucking on it with more determination than before while sliding three fingers inside of you, curling them and hitting that spot that makes you blossom like a flower for him.

“Fuck!” you wail, squirting hard as you feel your body ignite all over from pleasure, curling your toes.

You try to regulate your breathing as Andy cleans up between your legs, but the thought of what’s to come has you writhing in pure want and desire. The only thing that brings you back is the feel of the tip of Andy’s tongue slowly making it’s way up your body.

“Please,” you whimper, arching your leg and scrunching up the sheets with your toes.

“What did Daddy say about being a brat?” he growls before taking one of your nipples into his mouth and swirling his tongue his tongue around it, while his hand takes the other, kneading it between his fingers before pinching it.

“I’m sorry, I-oh fuck! I just need to feel you! Dreamt of...oh my...Andy!”

“My sensitive, sweet girl,” he smirks against your nipple. “So, so needy.”

“Please!”

“This is the only time you’ll get rewarded for misbehaving,” he warns before resuming his painfully slow trail up to your lips.

Once his lips are finally on yours again, you grip him tight and moan at the taste of you that lingers on his tongue. You’re so wrapped up in him that you don’t notice him shimmying out of his boxer briefs. You’re on the verge of begging again, when you feel him pushing his way inside of you, his kiss swallowing your gasp.

“I swear this pussy was made just for me,” he grunts as he bottoms out.

“Oh my God!” you cry as he stretches you, trying to adjust to him, but loving the way he’s pulling you apart.

“You take me so well, baby,” he groans as he starts to fuck you hard and fast.

“S-so...so full!”

“Yeah baby? You like the way this fat cock stuffs your tight little cunt?”

“Oh fuck!” you sob, his filthy words pushing you closer to your release. “So much better than I imagined!”

“Of course my filthy girl thought about me fucking her stupid. That’s what you want right? You want Daddy to fuck you stupid?”

You moan in response, wrapping a leg around his waist, moving your hips along with his, digging your nails into his back.

Andy isn’t having that.

“Use your words, sweet girl, or I’ll stop,” he warns and it only turns you on more.

“Y-yes!”

“Yes what?”

“Y-yes I wan...want you to fuck me till I can’t think, Daddy! Fuck, right there! P...please!” you sob pathetically as a few tears escape your eyes from pleasure.

“That’s my good girl,” he smirks before dipping down and starting to bite and suck on the hollow of your neck.

“Jesus, you’re gonna make me...oh my God!!”

“Never want to be without you again,” he moans, sliding a hand down between the two of you, starting to massage your clit.

“Oh...oh, fuck!”

“I love you so much!”

“I love you...Andy! I can’t...mmm yes!”

“Let go for me sweet girl! Cum all over my cock!”

“Jesus, FUCK!”

Your cunt clenches tightly around Andy’s cock as you squirt hard. You start clawing at the bed, praying that you’re not ripping them, as Andy fucks you through your high. You know he’s whispering sweet nothings in your ear, but you can’t focus on anything except how good you feel all over.

“Such a good girl,” Andy praises as he pulls out while you whine at the emptiness you now feel. “Get on your hands and knees for me,” he instructs as he strokes himself while looking at the blissed out mess on his bed that is you.

When your only response is to stare at him blankly, a sinister smirk plays on his lips.

“We’re not finished yet, honey. Didn’t think I’d be able to fuck you so stupid, so fast,” he tsks as he flips you over with ease.

It’s not that you don’t want more, you’re brain just isn’t keeping up with anything at the moment. You’re slow to get on your hands and knees, but the second you are, you’re moaning in want.

You can’t get enough.

“Never thought you’d be so fucking amazing,” he grunts as he thrusts himself inside you. “You take Daddy’s cock so well, honey.”

“Please don’t...don’t stop,” you whimper as you strangle the pillows.

“This pussy is mine and mine only, got that sweetheart?”

“Only ever want you, Daddy,” you sob as he starts pumping into you faster. “I’ll only ever need you!”

“Never knew someone as perfect could exist, baby. Especially in my fucking world....shit! The way this pretty little cunt squeezes me is perfect!”

“Make me cum again, please! Fuck me like a pretty little whore so I can make a mess all over your bed, please!”

“Jesus Christ!” he growls, gripping your hair tight as he picks up his pace.

“Ah shit! Just like that! Fuck, you make me feel so fucking good! I love you so much!”

“Say it again,” he demands, before slapping your ass.

“Yes! Fuck, I fucking love you, Andy! I love...love you so much! “

“Fuck, let go for me baby! Give it all to me right now!”

“Fuck!” you shout, your orgasm demolishing whatever energy you have left.

Andy lets out a low and guttural growl as he wraps an arm around your waist as he paints your walls with his seed. He hunches over and leans his forehead against the back of your head, and you both try to regulate your breathing as you come down from your highs.

“You are everything to me, and I...I love you so much,” he breathes out after a moment. “Nothing will ever change that, I promise.”

“I just want you, Andy. I love you and I’m here for you always. I won’t turn my back on you. I won’t hurt you,” you promise softly.

Andy slowly pulls out and, if it weren’t for him guiding you, you would’ve collapsed onto the bed. After he gently lays you down, he walks out of the bedroom and you get under the covers and try to get comfortable, but you just want Andy to hold you. A small laugh escapes your lips when you look over to the nightstand and see your drink from earlier there.

Funny how a few drinks and a couple of confessions can change a night completely.

Reach over and down the rest of it, before laying on your back and going over the events that just happened.

“I can’t tell if you’re in a good mood or not,” Andy laughs, coming back in with a wet towel in hand. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asks as he pulls back the covers.

“I love you,” you smile at him as he starts to clean up the release between your legs.

“I love you too, honey,” he chuckles, “what’s going on?”

“Just...if...ya know what? Never mind.”

“Talk to me, sweetheart. This doesn’t work if we don’t talk to each other.”

“What even is “this”?”

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“If you don’t want this anymore after tonight...I understand.”

“Y/N-”

“I know you’re not a douchebag and I know you would never do anything to hurt me, but I also know that we’re both pretty fucking buzzed and upset. If you acted on impulse-”

“Hey, I love you. I have loved you for so long and this isn’t something I’m just going to be over tomorrow. I don’t want to just fuck you, even though it is insanely,” he smirks and you scoff. “I want to help you, support you, care for you, be your best friend, be someone you can count on, you can cry to. Y/N, I want to be everything for you, all the time, forever. I love you,” he smiles at you.

You sit up and pull him close, and you both get lost in a passionate and soul consuming kiss.

You never meant to fall for Andy, you never meant to add any complication to his life, and you sure as shit never meant to fall in love. However, when he makes you feel like you do now, you can’t seem to find a single reason to feel any shame or regret over anything you two have done.

You don’t feel an ounce of shame or regret over what you both have decided to start.

“Lets get some sleep,” you smile at him once you two break apart.

“Sounds good to me,” he nods before kissing your forehead.

He quickly discard the washcloth in the hamper, then gets in next to you and pulls you close. As you fall asleep to him peppering kissing along the side of your neck, you know that you’re going to be okay.

Everything is going to be just fine.

**

You giggle as you feel hairs tickle the inside of your legs.

Andy.

“What are you doing?” you laugh with your eyes still closed.

“Time for you to wake up,” he murmurs against the inside of your thigh.

“And what does you being in-between my legs have to do with me waking up?”

“It’s breakfast time and I’m starving,” he simply mumbles before licking your clit.

“Andy,” you gasp as you reach down, gripping his hair.

“That’s right, honey, come alive for Daddy.”

He slides three fingers into you with ease and you don’t stop the silent gasp that escapes your lips as he starts sucking on your clit. You didn’t appreciate it as much last night, because you were focused on what you truly wanted, but the feel of his beard hairs on your thighs only heightens everything for you.

“Fuck! Daddy, if you keep...oh God! Yes, yes....I’m right...GOD, YES!” you exclaim as you squirt hard on his fingers, more than sure that some of it got in his beard.

“What a good little girl,” he praises before cleaning up the mess between your legs.

You’re never gonna tire of the way he makes you feel, or the praise he gives you.

“We can’t do this!” you giggle as he kisses his way back up your body.

“Why?”

“She said she’ll be home in the morning, and it’s very much...fuck!” you whimper as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“I think after last night, we both know it won’t take me long to bring you off,” he teases as he starts relentlessly pumping into you.

“Daddy, I-”

“Andy!” Laurie’s voice rings out from the entry way as the door slams shut.

“Shit!” you whisper as Andy stalls within you almost instantly.

As you both lay there, sheer panic written all over your faces, you can’t help but think about what the future has in store for the both of you. Yeah, if Laurie catches you both, it’ll be hell to pay.

But what about Jacob? It’ll crush him and what will happen to your friendship. Both you and Andy scamper around as quietly as you can, as you do your best to avoid your panic attack.

“Andy!?” Laurie calls again as she searches around downstairs.

You both stop and look at each other, and the look on Andy’s face tells you that you’re both thinking the same thing:

What the fuck did you two just get yourselves into?

~~

taglist: @maroonsunrise83​, @fuckingbye​, @emerald-evans​, @whxre4cevans​, @autumnrose40​, @greeneyedblondie44​, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​, 

[sinner-as-saint]

middle of the night

Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader AU (one-shot) 

Run-through: Going on missions with Sam and Bucky meant always having to share sleeping quarters. And while Sam was a heavy sleeper, Bucky was not. Being a light sleeper was bad enough, but when paired with his enhanced hearing, every little sound woke him up. Including the constant buzzing of your vibrator at night. Bucky needs his sleep to be able to kick ass the next day so he has to find an alternative to all that buzzing. So he makes you an offer you can’t say no to. 

Themes: smut, slight degrading kink, grumpy!bucky, use of sex toys, explicit language, dirty talk, spit, fluff

a/n: quick lil fic because I miss bucky 

Bucky had his head sandwiched between two pillows and he could still hear it. 

The buzzing sound coming from the room next to his which you currently occupied. The two compact bedrooms were divided only by thin drywall which meant that Bucky could hear everything. 

Every. Single. Thing. 

A regular person might have only heard a faint buzzing of the toy. But with his super soldier abilities, Bucky heard more than that. The buzzing of the vibrator was the loudest, he could even hear when you changed the settings going from low vibrations to higher ones. He could also hear the bed creaking when you shifted around. He could hear your annoyed groans when you simply could not get yourself off. This has been going on for two nights straight now. 

Each time the buzzing stopped, Bucky would think that maybe you gave up and fell asleep. But then a few minutes later the buzzing would start again. He wondered how the hell the battery hadn’t died yet. This was the third night and frankly speaking, it was getting annoying now. Not to mention that you were all currently in a warm, humid area so the buzzing sounded like a stubborn mosquito flying in circles right over his head. 

He had had enough of this. Before he could properly think it through, or fabricate a makeshift plan, Bucky found himself getting out of bed and grumpily making his way out of his small bedroom to bang on your door right next to his. 

Apparently you froze when you heard the door knock because you were a bit too quiet. But Bucky was too annoyed to wait so he flung open the door and stood there with clenched fists at the doorway. 

In the dark, you could make out the muscular silhouette of his. And you could tell he was wearing nothing but his tight boxers. You were checking him out for a few seconds before you realised what was happening. 

“Bucky Barnes!” You squealed, bringing your thin covers up to your chin. “Don’t you know you shouldn’t just barge into a lady’s bedroom?” You glared at him even though you were pretty sure he couldn’t see your bare body behind the covers. 

Bucky let out a groan which sounded almost like a growl. “I think I can barge into a lady’s bedroom when said lady’s sex toy won’t let me fucking sleep with all that buzzing.” He sounded just as grumpy as he probably was. 

Your face got really hot at the sound of his words. Yeah, you were somewhat aware that with his enhanced hearing he would probably be able to hear the toy but you were too horny to care. It had been a while since you had a proper release and it was starting to frustrate you. 

“You…” You found yourself at a loss of words when it came to telling him off now that he’d outed you like that. “Don’t be so crass.” You said a bit sheepishly. 

You and Bucky were cool with each other just not too close, so the sex toy talk was a little embarrassing. Not to mention the fact that he was standing mere feet away wearing nothing but tight boxers was making your horny brain go crazy. And that metal arm… good god. 

Bucky let out a tired sigh, “Fine. Just… can’t you get off in a quiet way? I don’t know, use your hand or something. Anything other than that annoying fucking toy.” 

You let out a gasp. You and Bucky never really talked about much else other than mission stuff or combat techniques. So this was a huge change of topic. But oh well, no turning back now. “I… I tried. I can’t. And I can’t sleep when I’m, you know, horny.” You sounded a little shy as you said it. 

Bucky was still as a stone statue at your doorway. He was thinking. Then out of nowhere he said in a much deeper voice, “If you need to get fucked, say it. I can do it.” 

He made it sound like a chore and that should’ve turned you off but fuck it didn’t. Him standing there almost naked save for the underwear looking like a wet dream. His muscular arm and that strong metal arm… 

You began breathing heavily just thinking about being in bed with him. You’d seen Bucky in combat countless times. You’d seen him working out and training with Sam and just thinking about all that energy directed at you made you squirm in the little bed that you were in. 

When you didn’t say anything, Bucky said, “Oh don’t go all shy on me now. I could hear you trying to masturbate just a minute ago.” Then he added, “So, we’re doing this or no?” 

Again, he made it sound like he was doing you a favour. Fuck, why was that so hot? 

“I mean, only if you want to.” You mumbled, knowing he heard you perfectly. 

But just to be a little shit he asked, “What was that?” 

You groaned, wanting to hide as you said, “Yes Bucky, I need to get fucked.” 

He was pleased, walking into the room he carefully shut the door behind him saying, “We can’t disturb Sam’s sleep like you disturbed mine.” Purposely reminding you of why he was here in the first place. Then he asked, “You want me to turn the light on?” 

“No.” You answered. Somehow the moonlight was enough. 

“Alright.”He said, walking over to where you were sat on the edge of the bed. “Give me that damn toy.” 

Your eyes widened but he couldn’t see it. “Wha… what?” You asked, puzzled. 

Bucky crouched until he was eye to eye with you. The pale moonlight allowed you to see his face from up close. His pretty blue eyes twinkled even in the dark. “You heard me, princess. Give me the toy.” 

With a hesitant, shaky hand you picked up the toy from the bed and placed it in his outstretched palm. Bucky let out a monotonous hum, examining it. The fact that he was looking at it was enough to make your face feel hotter than ever before. 

“Bucky-,”

He cut you off immediately, “Shh, not a single word.” He stood up to his full height again, “Now come on, lie down and spread your legs for me.” When he didn’t hear the shuffling of sheets he knew you were being hesitant, so he said, “Oh come on, you and your little toy here won’t let me sleep so let me help both of us out.” He sounded almost… playful? “Come on, spread your legs for me.” 

There was no room for shame, you decided. You wanted this, you wanted him so you said fuck it and did as he asked. Though the immorality of the whole thing made your whole body burn. Especially as you leaned back down and spread your legs a little. 

Bucky scoffed, “Don’t be coy now.” Then he nudged your legs further apart as he knelt in between them, looking down as your naked, spread eagle body on the bed. He noticed how your breathing quickened and he held back a smirk. 

With a window right behind Bucky, you could see his silhouette as he knelt there in between your parted legs. Strong shoulders, the defined muscles on his neck, down to his equally muscular torso and his slightly leaner waist. It’s a shame you couldn’t see his muscular thighs because damn, those were-

Your thoughts were cut short when you felt something wet right on your- 

And then he did it again. He spat right in between your legs and used the tip of the vibrator to spread the wetness around. Fuck… why was that so hot? 

You squirmed a little and the toy wasn’t even turned on yet. He was just teasing you with it. You groaned, “Bucky, just-,” 

But he cut you off again. “Shh, you’d been at it for about twenty minutes earlier without coming even once. Let me handle this.” 

Well that shut you up. Or rather, the embarrassment did. 

Bucky seemed like he was having fun, finally turning the vibrator on at its lowest setting and trailing it up and down your body, circling your erected nipples with the tip of it and then back down to press it gently against your throbbing clit. 

That made you whine but you bit your lower lip to keep from making louder sounds. 

“Good girl,” Bucky commented, “We can’t wake Sam up. So let’s keep it quiet, okay?” 

You nodded quickly but of course, he intended on making this hard for you so he chuckled menacingly as he turned the vibrator all the way up and placed it right on top of your entrance, wiggling it around until you couldn’t hold back the moan which escaped your lips. 

“Bucky!” You cried out. 

“Shh,” He quickly shut you up by pushing his fingers past your lips. “What did I say about being loud, huh? Keep your mouth shut, you hear me?” 

You whined again, squirming under his touch and under the toy. You could see his arm moving as he wiggled the toy, purposely making you whine louder. Though your moans and whines now sounded muffled given his fingers were in your mouth, moving in and out of your lips gently. 

“Shh,” He whispered. “Quiet.” He murmured as he changed the setting on the toy, making the vibrations more intense. You didn’t stop your squirming, neither did he stop his teasing. Not even when your thighs trembled, clenching together tightly until he slapped them apart again. 

Finally removing his fingers from your mouth, he placed two of his wet fingers right on your clit, circling it at the same pace as he slid the toy up and down your parted folds. You bit down hard on your lip as you held a moan back, feeling the pressure forming in between your legs. 

“Bucky please, please…” You whined, noticing the way he’d always take the toy away whenever you started getting slightly louder. 

“No,” He cooed, mercilessly. “I’ve been suffering from sleepless nights because of you and this damn toy. You don’t get to come that easily.” He said, noticing the way you involuntarily ground your hips against the vibrator, trying desperately to chase the orgasm he wouldn’t give you. 

Just to mess with you, he took the vibrator away again, watching you squirm and whine as quietly as you could as you were denied your release once again. 

Bucky was feeling particularly petty tonight so he kept teasing your throbbing, swollen clit with his fingers as he placed the vibrator back against your hole, pressing it just enough to mess with you but not pushing it inside just yet. 

“That is frustrating, isn’t it?” He taunted. “Now imagine how I feel, having to hear you play with this annoying little toy each night, hmm?” 

You moaned, back arching off the bed as he brought you a little too close to the edge before he took it away again. “Please,” You begged. “Please, just make me come. Please.” 

“Oh?” He sounded amused. “I have to make you come? Why? Is this toy not doing it for you, you little slut, hmm?” He cooed, mocking you. “Is this toy not enough? What do you need, tell me. Do you need a nice, big cock to fuck you?” 

“Yes!” You cried out, feeling all sorts of tingles all over your body. A familiar heat building up in between your hips. “Please, Bucky.” 

He pretended to think about it. “I don’t know, princess. Should I?” He wiggled the wand around and made you scream louder, while his fingers rubbed your clit furiously. “Do you deserve it?” Seeing you weren’t answering, he lifted the vibrator off you again. “I asked you something, do you deserve it?” he asked again, more sternly.

You whined and whimpered again. “Please… ” You begged. “I won’t disturb you ever again. I promise,” You played along. “Please Buck, please…” You were begging shamelessly. 

“Hmm,” He removed his fingers then placed the wand right on your clit, not moving it as he pressed his knee in between your legs, applying just the right amount of pressure to make you lose your mind. 

You cried out, grinding on his thigh without any shame. 

Bucky chuckled, “Look at you. So desperate, so fucking horny that you can’t help but grind on my thigh. Hmm? You’ll do anything as long as you get to come, won’t you?” 

You whined, murmuring something incoherent. 

“Filthy, horny little princess,” He whispered, watching how your arousal leaked out of you, coating the tip of the toy and his thigh. He liked it. He liked how the wetness looked shiny in the moonlight. 

Just when you felt your orgasm starting to build up as you ground harder against his thigh, Bucky moved his leg away slightly and then chuckled when you whined in despair under him. 

“Aww, what is it?” He asked, keeping the toy in place knowing full well that the sensation must be a little overwhelming by now. “Do you need to get fucked by a hard cock, princess? Is that it?” 

You nodded a little too quickly. “Yes… yes, please.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely…” Bucky kept the toy pressed against your throbbing clit as he lowered his underwear just enough to free his cock and slide it inside of you. 

Given the teasing, you were embarrassingly wet and the wet sounds as he slid it in made your face burn in shame… but it also felt so, so good. He was all nice and big and snug inside you. 

He pulled out, groaning as he pushed his cock back into you. “Fuck, you feel so good.” He muttered, slowly fucking you while keeping the toy right where it was. Fuck… he could feel the vibrations too when he was all the way deep inside you. 

Gradually, he sped up and along with his thrusts, Bucky moved the toy around as well. He loved the way you clenched around him each time he hit that spot. 

“That feels good, huh?” He mumbled with a faint slur, clearly just as lust drunk as you were - fucking into you relentlessly while pressing the toy to your clit - adding to the sweet torture. “I feel good inside you, don’t I? Tell me this cock feels good, princess. Come on, tell me.” 

Fuck… his filthy mouth. “You… oh, it feels so good, Bucky. Fuck! I don’t think I can go back to the toy anymore.” You mumbled, mindlessly. “Might need your cock to fuck me to sleep every night.” 

Bucky froze for a fraction of a second. Not believing his ears at first. But then he smirked as his ego inflated. “Yeah? This cock ruined you, huh princess?” 

 “It did.” You gasped, breathlessly. You tried matching his thrusts but were unable to, so you simply let go and let him fuck into you like you were nothing but all for him to use. 

You could only imagine what he looked like, his strong arms holding you by the hips as he fucked into you over and over again. His strong body above you, his piercing blue eyes looking down at you, looking down at how your body swallowed his cock each time he pushed inside. 

And Bucky finally took the toy away, and replaced it with two of his cold metal fingers. Honestly, it didn’t feel any different. His metal fingers made you whine and moan just the same. 

“Are you gonna be a good little slut and come for me, princess?” 

You nodded quickly, “Yes,” You whined, “Please, please, please let me have it. Let me come, please.”  

Bucky groaned, finally fucking you without any restraints. “Come on, baby. Come for me.” He spoke, pounding into you mercilessly until you came with a muffled cry as you turned to the side and buried your face into your pillow; whining and squirming as you came all over his cock. “That’s it,” Bucky whispered, leaning down to press his lips to your neck, “Good girl.” He said, then came right after you. 

—

For the next few minutes, everything was quiet. 

Bucky was in no rush to leave your bed. And he knew he was a bit warm but you refused to move away from his bare, muscular body. 

“Think you can get some sleep now, princess?” Bucky asked. He waited for a few seconds but he got no replies. He looked down and saw that you were asleep already, with a faint smile on your face - all snuggled up at his side like a sleepy kitten. 

That night, Bucky fell asleep with a faint smile on his face too. 

[tgmsunmontue]

Once Upon a Time in 1996... 2/?

IceMav TimeLoop. Maverick wakes up to a great day. Then it all turns to shit.

Chapter One

Once Upon a Time in 1996 - Chapter Two

                He wakes up and he feels… not hungover.

                That’s… surprising.

                He blinks his eyes open and he sits up, even more surprised.

                He’s in his bedroom at the Bradshaw home and he knows he ended yesterday drinking far too much with Tom…

                Huh.

                Maybe that entire thing was just a colossal fucked up nightmare his brain decided he needed to experience so he’d truly appreciate how good everything is… 

                Except Bradley runs out of the house and he’s got that piece of toast hanging out of his mouth and his stomach sinks, Carole comes into the kitchen wearing exactly what she was in his nightmare and he knows the next words that come out of her mouth.

                “I’ve got an appointment but I should be home around ten.”

                Everything is the same and he just sits on the porch and stares at the grass.

                Did he cut this grass yesterday?

                Was it yesterday?

                Or is it simply a prolonged and intense period of déjà vu?

                Is this a blessing? Something to help him navigate the horrors he knows are coming?

                He can’t stop Carole’s cancer, but he won’t be letting Bradley on his bike again. He won’t be skipping lunch and then making Ice break out his emergency vodka and he can’t remember why Ice had vodka, the nightmare hazy around the sixth shot, which he thinks is very realistic for a nightmare…

                Carole comes home and this time he doesn’t wait, goes out to her immediately and hugs her when she tells him, doesn’t say I know despite it being the first thing that pops into his mind. When he goes to the school to pick up Bradley he takes Carole’s car, adamant not to repeat that part of his nightmare. He’s far earlier than he needs to be, having been unable to stop Carole from reaching for the same bottle and still deciding not to tell Bradley. He leans against the car as the kids stream out of the gates, waves out and calls Bradley’s name, deals with the same happy surprise on Bradley’s face at seeing him and he can’t help the answering grin, because the grin on this kid is simply infectious.

                “You’re here!”

                “I am! I thought that maybe we could go and get ice cream on the pier, you know? Play hooky before going home to your mom?”

                “Ice cream!” Bradley agrees instantly and damn but the kid is so easy to please. He maneuvers the car out of the lot and heads toward the pier.

                “So, how was school today?”

                “Fine. We have a graduation thing next week. You’re coming right?”

                “Sure am. All finished with middle school and off to high school next. You know where you’re going yet?”

                “Nah. Mom’s letting me decide and I don’t really know what I’m looking at. Surely she can just tell me right?”

                Pete freezes, because yes, surely she can just tell him? Except obviously not, and he wonders how angry Carole would be if he just blurted out what was going on, if it would be easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. He can’t do it though, keeps it to himself festering away in his gut.

                “I think she’s trying to give you some control over your own life. There’s so much you can’t control, so maybe she’s trying to give you some of that…”

                As he thinks about it, about Carole’s diagnosis and what she wants to keep from Bradley, he thinks that maybe that’s what she’s trying to do. He wonders just how long she might have known or expected the news she’s gotten today and why she hadn’t told him earlier if she had suspected. He drives carefully, worried that maybe his nightmare warning is just going to somehow include a vehicular accident regardless. If there is going to be one it’s damned well not going to be his fault.

                They park a distance away, willing to walk in the warmer weather and Bradley keeps up a steady stream of chatter about his baseball team, then the goings on of the dramas of middle school and Pete lets the mundanity of it wash over him, glad that this drama is something he can just listen to and not be needed to worry or have to solve. His mind still trying to figure out how he can maybe make things right for Carole as much as possible. And Bradley. They need to provide Bradley some security. They need to talk about that.

                He doesn’t want to talk about that at all.

                Doesn’t know if he’s ready to be the sole remaining adult in Bradley’s life who will love and care for him. He can take care of himself, doesn’t know if he’s capable of stretching that skill to include a kid. He shakes his head and shoves his shoulders back. It’s not a kid. It’s Bradley and he’ll do anything and everything to keep him as loved and happy as he is right now. Except for wanting to keep him in the dark… Oh god. He gets it. He gets why Carole doesn’t want to tell him but he doesn’t have to like it.

                Bradley asks to go home and he can’t think of any good reason to keep him out longer, already bought two ice creams and at least he’s not having to endure Carole’s quiet rage and disappointment about letting Bradley on his bike. Which he’d never do. So it was obviously a nightmare. They head home and he asks Bradley to just wait in the car for a moment, wants to check that Carole is in a fit state, or semi-fit state to be a parent. She’s not drunk, her eyes are red and she just meets his eyes with sadness and he just gives her another hug, tries to convey that he’s here, even if right now he wants to run away and not deal with it right now.

                “Bradley’s just in the car. Let me go get him.”

                “What did you tell him?”

                “Nothing Carole, just that you’d had a bad day and might need a little time to feel up to being around people…”

                “So not far from the truth,” she says with a watery smile. “Thanks for helping me out, Pete.”

                “I just wish I could do more,” he says, and he wonders if he said anything along those lines in his nightmare-dream, even though it’s different now.

“You’re doing plenty. Now aren’t you meant to be having dinner with Tom?”

                “Yeah, but I don’t need to go just yet –” he starts, even if the urge to run away is still there.

                “Go send Bradley in and then go see Tom, I’ll be fine.”

                He wants to argue that she’s anything but fine, but he can’t bring himself to say anything, instead gives her another quick hug and heads back out to the car, grinning at Bradley and giving him a thumbs up.

                “Your mom is feeling much better, waiting for you inside. I’m off to see Ice so I’ll see you later okay?”

                “Aw man! I wanna see Uncle Tom!”

                “Tomorrow okay? He said he was going to come and see you this weekend sometime.”

                “Fine. I wanna hear about his trip!”

                Pete laughs, because calling a deployment a trip makes it sound far more interesting and glamorous than it actually is. But he guesses the idea of flying planes does sound far cooler than going to school everyday.

                “I’m sure he’ll love to tell you all about it. Take it easy on your mom okay? She’s feeling pretty tired I think.”

                “Sure thing Uncle Pete!”

                He gets a quick hug and then Bradley is running into the house and he wonders if the kids ever walks anywhere, he always seems to be in a constant rush to get from one place to another. He decides to take Carole’s car again, remove the chance that she might decide to go for a drive and heads toward base where Ice’s accommodation is based.

                He get’s to Ice’s an hour earlier than he did in his nightmarish dream and he knocks, hopping from one foot to the other in impatience. He’s not going to drink, except maybe one beer, but he wants to see if things are different here. Almost wants to check Ice’s freezer for the bottle of vodka, tries to remember what dream-Ice has said he had it for. Ice opens the door and he looks spooked, like he wasn’t expecting him and that’s so different from yesterday that Pete almost hugs him with glee he’s so relieved.

                “Sorry I’m early, needed to uh, get away from Carole and Bradley, there’s something I…” he trails off, pausing in the act of kicking off his boots. The table is different. It’s usually covered in paper work, and he tries to remember what it had looked like in his nightmare… he’s pretty sure it had been completely clear but he’s not sure. It definitely didn’t look like a table set for two, there are even wine glasses.

                Ice owns wine glasses. Who knew?

                “Am I… interrupting something?” Pete asks, looking at the table and then to Ice, trying to figure out why this is so different from his dream-nightmare when everything else has seemed almost identical. Ice is even wearing something different, one of his dressier shirts and shit, did he get the day wrong?

                “I was just clearing it away actually, just figured we could eat in front of the television like usual…”

                He’s early.

                Earlier than his dream. That’s the difference. He’s caught Ice by surprise and this is… This dinner setting is (was?) meant for him. He’s staring at it like it somehow holds all the answers, wonders if there are things already put away because he’s over an hour earlier, Ice had this table cleared in his nightmare and now…

                “I was just… I was thinking about telling you something.”

                His stomach plummets, flashes of Carole telling him she’s dying and he’s frozen to the spot, suddenly terrified.

                “What?”

                “Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

                “Tell me anyway?”

                Ice stares at him then, the silence stretching out between them and he can’t really remember much after the fifth or sixth shot of vodka in his nightmare, but he’s pretty sure Ice hadn’t told him anything earth-shattering.

                “I’m gay Pete.”

                The relief he feels is almost palpable. He’s not sick, or hurt, or anything bad. It’s fine. Ice is looking at him like he’s waiting for Pete to say something and he just smiles and nods, not really sure what to say in the face of it being something that doesn’t make his world fall apart at the seams.

                “Okay. Cool.”

                There, that feels safe.

                Ice sucks a breath in through his nose, the short sharp one which always makes his nose twitch because he’s usually either annoyed or about to say something he’s been trying to say, piecing it together like a puzzle.

                “What? Is there something else?”

                “I… “

                “Oh my god, is there someone? That you like?”

                “Fucks sake Pete…”

                He snaps his mouth shut, Ice doesn’t often break out his name, but he had in his nightmare, and he has just now, and he doesn’t like it. Not at all. Fuck, he hasn’t even told him about Carole, the line getting blurred in his mind about Pete telling him in his nightmare… The look Ice is giving him is sad and he frowns.

                “What?”

                “You, Pete. I’m in love with you…”

                Pete freezes. Doesn’t respond in the positive or negative, just completely doesn’t make a move and he can feel Tom pulling away even though neither of them move physically.

                Him.

                It’s him.

                He doesn’t know what to say or do; he’s never thought of Tom that way before. Well. That’s a lie. But he’s never thought he’d ever act on any of his very fleeting thoughts. People he works with, flies with, they’re all very firmly off limits. He’s never acted on any of his passing thoughts, keeping his eyes firmly focused on women as much as possible. He’s had some passing things with some guys, but never a relationship, never someone in the Navy, never something meaningful. He can’t imagine having anything but meaningful with the man in front of him.

                “I’m going for a walk.”

                “I'll come with you.”

                “Alone, Pete. I just… I need to walk. To think.”

                He opens his mouth to object, but Ice is pulling on his shoes and pushing past him, heading out the door without a backward glance and he wants to follow but he won’t, will respect his desire to be alone and instead wait for him to come back. He walks into the kitchen and the oven is on and there’s something cooking in there, but he has no idea what it is. Obviously Ice isn’t planning on being gone too long with food left cooking and just out of curiosity he opens the freezer.

                Hidden under some frozen peas is a bottle of vodka and he swallows nervously.

                Hours slip by.

                The sun sets and there’s no sign of Ice.

                He turns off the oven, whatever is in there well and truly ruined.

                He falls asleep on the sofa, Ice still not returned home.

CHAPTER THREE

[skz317cb97]

Me and You Make Two

Bang Chan x Female reader

Word count: 6.5K

Synopsis: The third and final part of Not Like Me. (That's all you get I don't want to ruin anything.)

A/N: 18+ ONLY MDNI! Here it is, I'll be posting and running away now... byeeee! Warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: 18+ ONLY MDNI, Strong language/swearing, dry humping, oral sex (m&f receiving), deep throating/ throat fucking, unprotected piv sex (please use condoms), cream pie/ cum shot, graphic violence, gun violence, character death, I think that's everything but if I missed anything please let me know and I'll add it to the warnings asap!

It had been a month since the incident with Mr. Tate. You still cringed thinking about what could have happened if Chris had not shown up, your mind always going to worst case scenarios. It got to where you started having nightmares about that day every now and then. You had also been seeing Chris more and, in that time, the two of you had grown closer but you hadn’t given your thing, whatever it was, a title. Still even with as close as you’d grown you didn’t tell him about the nightmares. They never happened when he slept over, you weren’t sure why. You were sleeping over at each other’s places more often than not, so you didn’t see the point in worrying him over it. They were just some bad dreams. You could handle it. 

Going to work was no longer dreaded and you were glad you got to enjoy your work again. You had always loved your job. One month after Mr. Tate was fired, Mr. Nealy called you into his office. At first you were terrified you were going to get fired although you weren’t sure for what exactly. That ended up not being the case anyway. Mr. Nealy wanted to promote you to Mr. Tate’s old position. You were shocked but gratefully accepted the position that included a private office and a considerable pay raise. 

Chris was so proud of you when you told him. He came over that night with some celebratory beers and cheeseburgers. Of course, after you ate and had a couple of beers you fucked each other's brains out and fell asleep tangled together, Chris clinging tightly to you like he always did. 

The next morning when you got up you found a little note Chris had left saying he had to get to work early but to text him later. You smiled at his name signed with xoxo. You showered and got ready for your first day in your new position. Mr. Nealy showed you to your office when you got to work and gave you the rundown of some of the duties you’d oversee. Suddenly it sounded like someone let off fireworks in the office, then screaming. Mr. Nealy peeked out the door, there were people running everywhere and more fireworks. He needed to get a handle on the situation. He turned to you. 

“It’s Mr. Tate, get under that desk young lady and don’t come out until I tell you to.” Your heart was racing, you were so scared. You crawled under the desk like Mr. Nealy told you to and you heard him open the door. The fireworks, which you now knew was actually gun fire, sounded closer. He pulled the door closed behind him and approached the disgruntled man wielding a gun and bag of ammo. You grabbed your phone from your pocket and dialed Chris’ number. He answered quickly. 

“Heyyy baby girl!” Your choked sob changed his demeanor immediately.  

“What’s wrong.” More gunshots went off as Mr. Tate, your old boss, shot Mr. Nealy. 

“Was that a gun?!” Chris sounded frantic. 

“What’s going on baby girl talk to me! Was that a gun? Are you safe?” You quietly choked back your tears and whispered into the phone. 

“In my office. Mr. Tate, is shooting everyone. I’m so scared Chris.” You cried quietly under your desk as the gunfire got closer and closer. Finally, you heard your office door get kicked open and you held back a squeak.  

“I know you’re in here gorgeous can smell that perfume of yours.” Chris could hear him, he whispered into the phone as he started to make his way towards your office building, he was only a couple blocks away. 

“Stay put baby girl I’m on my way. I’m gonna get you, okay? Stay there.” You shuddered and held your breath when you saw Mr. Tate’s shoes on the other side of your desk. 

“Hiding under the desk huh? Should I tell you about all the times I fanaticized having you under there.” You thought you would be sick. Chris was still listening in. ‘That mother fucker’ he thought to himself as he sprinted down the sidewalk dodging people. Mr. Tate made his way around the desk and pulled the chair out. When he saw you, he pointed the gun under the desk. You were suddenly looking down the barrel and you closed your eyes.  

“Come out from there pretty thing.” You crawled out from under the desk but left your phone underneath with Chris still on the line. 

“Baby girl? Baby? Y/N!?” Chris was almost to your building just a little further, he had to get there. 

“There she is. I see you dressed up today, trying to make a good first impression as the boss?” You quietly shook your head as tears welled up in your eyes.  

“Oh, so you dressed up for me then?” You shook your head no and took a step back. When you did, he pointed the gun at you, and you started to cry more. 

“Please, please Mr. Tate, please don’t hurt me.” Chris had sweat and tears running down his face as he heard you pleading with the deranged man.  

“Hold on baby girl hold on!” Mr. Tate took a step towards you. 

“On your knees.” You sobbed. 

“Pleas-” He yelled. 

“KNEES NOW!” You cried and knelt like he ordered you to. Chris was running up to your building that was surrounded by police. They stopped him. 

“You don’t understand I’m on the phone with my girl, she’s up there, she’s in danger someone has to help!” Chris spoke into the phone hoping you could hear him. 

“Help is on the way baby girl help is coming just hold on!” Mr. Tate aimed the gun at your head, you closed your eyes and tears streaked down your face. 

“I love you, Christopher.” A gunshot, then another, then silence. Chris screamed in agony, listening over the phone as you were executed.  

You were startled awake, the line between reality and your dream still a bit blurred. You quickly sat up gasping for air, trembling. Chris woke up as soon as you jumped in your sleep. Tears were welling up in your eyes. 

“What? What’s wrong!?” He pushed your hair away from your face and cupped each cheek in a hand. You shook your head. 

“I... I... thought, fuck it was so real!” You started crying. He hugged you close, stroking your hair. It startled Chris, he’d never seen you cry before. 

“Was it a nightmare? What happened?” You closed your eyes and shook your head hoping the images would disappear. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, just... not right now, please? Tomorrow.” Chris nodded and laid back with you in his arms. As you started to drift back off to sleep you mumbled. 

“So real. It was so real.” He held you closer, a little tighter, and kissed the top of your head. 

“You’re okay now beautiful. I won’t let anything happen to you.” When you woke up the next morning you were relived to find Chris still in bed with you although he had you in a bear hug from behind having worried about you until he too fell back asleep. When you moved his grip tightened around you and a groggy voice spoke up. 

“Mmmnoo, staaay.” You tried to pry yourself from Chris’ grip unsuccessfully. 

“I can’t it’s my first day as the supervisor, I have to set the example and be on time.” You turned in his arms facing him. His eyes weren’t even open yet and he was pouting, you shook your head at him and kissed his full lips. He tried to pull you in to deepen the kiss but you had to stop him. 

“I’ll miss the bus and be late if I don’t get in the shower now.” Chris loosened his grip allowing you to get up as he stretched and finally opened his eyes. 

“I’ll take you.” You smiled; he was always so willing to do things for you like that. 

“You get some rest, I can just take the bus like I normally do Chris it’s no big deal.” He flopped back on your bed shaking his head. 

“Nope, there’s no way I’m letting you ride the bus your first day as the boss. Go on take your shower and I’ll take you.” You ran over knelt on the bed and kissed Chris’ lips one more time before dashing off to take your shower. While you were in there letting the hot water cascade down you, you couldn’t help but remember your terrible nightmare from the night before. The sound of gunfire and screams, the image of looking at a gun pointed at you. You’d had some bad ones but that was the worst by far.

There was one other part of your dream you kept revisiting. You had told Chris you loved him. You were about to die and your last words to Chris were ‘I love you’. Did you? Did you love Chris? Love is a big word and you weren’t even his girlfriend. He hadn’t brought up the nightmare, so you debated telling him about it. You decided that if he asked, you’d tell him about the dreams but if he didn’t then you were just going to drop it. It had only happened once, probably nerves for your first day in your new position at work. That had to be it.  

You got out of the shower, dried off, and went to your room to finish getting ready for work. Chris was up starting tea for the two of you while you got dressed. Not long after he came in with a hot cup and set it down on the vanity you were sitting at. 

“Oolong with a little clover honey, thought you might want something sweet in case you had any nerves about your first day.” You picked up the hot mug and blew on it before taking a sip. It was a perfect start to your day, the floral notes of the tea and the clover honey played well together. 

“Mmm thanks Chris it’s perfect.” He smiled and leaned down to kiss you. His plump bottom lip fit so perfectly between yours. He stood up, smoothed some of your fly away hairs, then cupped your face and ran his thumb along your cheek as he looked at you. 

“You nervous?” You were but only because of your dream, the job wasn’t much different than before other than you’d be assigning work and cross-checking others, so you knew you’d be able to handle it easily, but that damned nightmare kept replaying in your head and those last three words. I love you. 

“y/n?” You had been in your head, you hadn’t answered Chris’ question. Your head popped up and you hummed. 

“Nervous? It’s okay to be.” You shook your head and took another sip of your tea before standing. You were about to walk off and finish getting ready but Chris caught your arm and gently pulled you to face him. 

“Hey baby girl, it’s me okay? You can tell me anything.” You nodded in understanding. 

“I know, it’s okay. I’m not nervous.” He looked at you a moment not entirely convinced but if you said you were okay then he had to take you at your word. He let go and let you get the rest of your things.  

When Chris pulled up to your office building to drop you off he put the car in park and you leaned over the console and kissed him. You held his face and turned your head; you kissed him like it might be your last time. He smiled after as he sat back in his seat. 

“What was that for?” You shrugged. 

“No reason. Thanks for bringing me to work.” You went to pull the handle of the car but before you could Chris was pulling you back for another heated kiss, lips and tongue, dancing, teasing. When he pulled back again you were breathless, eyes closed chewing your bottom lip. 

“What was that for?” You mimicked his previous question to you. He gave you that slick smile of his and leaned in close so he could whisper in your ear. 

“Because you’re fucking sexy.” He placed a wet kiss on your neck and you shivered. He pulled back smiling innocently, like he wasn’t pure sex seconds before. 

“Have a good first day boss lady.” You shook your head smiling at him as you got out of the car. 

“Bye Christopher.” You laughed. 

“Bye baby girl.” When you got up to your office Mr. Nealy was waiting to show you some of your responsibilities in your new role. It didn’t take long, and he was confident in your ability to navigate the job which is why he picked you in the first place. He was right of course the whole first half of the day ran like a well-oiled machine. You assigned reports for people to verify and then you cross checked their work. It was great. Everything was moving smoothly and then it was lunch. You decided to go out for lunch, the taco truck up the street was screaming your name. On your way there you called Chris. 

“Hey beautiful! How’s being boss going?” You laughed. 

“It’s going great, it’s been a really great day. Some of my people have found discrepancies and everything I’ve gone over has been perfect.” You were beaming, you were so happy, the nightmare you’d had the night before miles away from your thoughts at that point. 

“That’s great baby girl, I’m so proud of you.” You were glad he wasn’t there because you blushed when he said that. You weren’t sure why, he complimented you all the time, there was just something about saying that it felt very intimate. You still weren’t sure what you were to Chris or what he was supposed to be to you, but you knew he still had the ability to make butterflies erupt in your stomach. 

“Thanks Chris. I’m gonna grab some lunch I’ll talk to you later.” He said bye and you hung up with Chris just as it was your turn to order. You got two of your favorite and ate them on your walk back to the office. When you were walking into the building lobby you almost froze in your tracks. Sitting in the waiting area of the guest desk, was Mr. Tate and he didn’t look happy. You quickly ducked your head down and hurried to the elevators before he could see you.  

When the doors closed you let out the breath you’d been holding. It was just a coincidence he probably wasn’t even there to be seen at your company. There were multiple other businesses that used this professional building, he could be waiting for an interview with any of those places. It was just a random happenstance. You hurried to your office when you got up to your floor and tried to busy yourself to keep your mind off of the man waiting downstairs.  

About thirty minutes later you were just starting to calm down when you heard what sounded like raised voices. You stuck your head out of your office and everyone else was looking in the direction of one of the team meeting rooms, where the shouting was coming from. You listened and even though the voices were muffled through the door you recognized Mr. Tate’s voice as he continued to shout at Mr. Nealy. You couldn’t make out their conversation, but it was obvious Mr. Tate was upset. You went back into your office and shut the door. Your heart was racing. Why was he here? Why was he yelling? You remembered your nightmare and started to panic. You quickly took out your phone and called Chris. He answered on the second ring. 

“Hey beautiful I’m jus-” You took a shaky breath in and out trying to compose yourself before your words came out like vomit. 

“Chris, can you come get me?” You interrupted him and he could tell something was off. 

“What’s wrong are you okay?” You could still hear Mr. Tate shouting.  

“I’m scared Chris, please?” He didn’t need to hear another thing; he was already excusing himself from the bid meeting he’d stepped away from to take your call. 

“I’m on my way baby girl, okay? What’s going on? Tell me what’s happening.” You heard Mr. Tate’s voice get louder; the meeting room door had obviously been opened. You walked over by your desk. 

“Mr. Tate. He’s here shouting at Mr. Nealy.” You scrunched down under your desk just like in your nightmare, you were shaking. You could hear Chris’ car door open and shut and his engine start immediately after. 

“I’m so close baby I’m practically there, okay? Can you hear what they’re saying?” You started to quietly cry to yourself as you heard Mr. Tate’s voice getting closer and closer to your office. You sniffled and Chris sped. 

“N-no but the voices are getting closer.” Chris whipped into a parking spot, parked his car and started dashing up the stairs to your floor. Your door was opened and pushed hard enough to hit the wall. You jumped and let out a whine. 

“I’m- a----- th--- b-by—rl" Chris’s phone started to cut in and out because of the stairwell. You tried to be as quiet as possible. You covered your ears and buried your face in your knees blocking everything out. 

“There see she’s not even in here, just let me grab the damn thing and go before she comes back. You know I’d apologize to the girl if you gave me half a chance. I told you I’m in recovery now, making amends is part of it you realize.” Mr. Nealy looked into your office confused. He could have sworn he’d seen you come back from your lunch already. 

“I am glad that you’ve sought help Mr. Tate but you’ve done enough to that poor girl, just leave her be and make amends with yourself instead. Grab your heirloom and be on your way quickly.” Mr. Nealy was pulled away a moment by another employee as Mr. Tate walked around the desk and pulled out the chair to get what he needed out of the middle drawer. The silver cigar cutter he’d left that had been his father’s. As he closed the drawer he happened to look down and saw your feet poking out from under the desk. He knelt down and sure enough there you were, practically cowering under the desk. 

“Ms. y/l/n? What on earth are you...” He couldn’t finish his sentence before Chris was running into your office. 

“Back the fuck away from her!” Mr. Tate’s eyes went wide, and he backed away with his hands up as Mr. Nealy came back to make sure he had retrieved his item and was leaving. He was surprised to see Chris there. 

“Mr. Bang? What brings you to our offices today?” Mr. Nealy greeted Chris calmly and he was confused. 

“y/n she...” Instead of answering Mr. Nealy he went and knelt down where Mr. Tate had just been. He looked under your desk and saw you were scrunched up with your eyes closed tight and your hands over your ears. Chris called your name but you didn’t hear him, when he grabbed your wrist you jumped. As soon as you saw it was him you threw your arms around his neck, he pulled you out from under the desk onto his lap and you quietly cried. Mr. Nealy pressed his lips together tightly. 

“Mr. Tate if you have your belongings, it would be best if you left now.” He shook his head. He left and he left with the knowledge that he’d been so awful to you; you were now scared of him. Chris rocked you in his lap, running his hand through your hair, his lips pressed to the top of your head telling you everything was okay, that you were okay. 

“I’m here, I won’t let anything happen to you, okay?” Mr. Nealy made his way around the desk and looked down at the two of you on the floor. 

“I’m terribly sorry about that. He had been calling asking about something he’d left; I didn’t think he would just show up like that.” Chris nodded; he knew it wasn’t his fault. Neither of them could have known you would react like that. 

“No, I understand, if it’s okay I’d like to get her home so she can get some rest.” Mr. Nealy nodded.  

“Yes of course.” He excused himself and Chris managed to get you calmed down enough to stand up and get to his car. Fear, just like every other emotion, in its rawest form was draining. You had to fight to keep your eyes open in the car, eventually losing the battle. Chris pulled up to his place and gently woke you. 

“Common let's get you into bed.” You nodded. Chris got out and hurried around to your side helping you out. When Chris’ apartment door clicked closed your arms were wrapped around him and your face buried in his chest. He squeezed you and rested his cheek on top of your head. 

“You wanna talk about it first? Or sleep first?” You nuzzled against him.  

“Sleep please?” He nodded. 

“Okay but after we talk yeah?” It was your turn to nod. 

“Will you lay with me?” How could he possibly say no. 

“Of course I will baby girl.” You both headed towards Chris’s bedroom. You sat on the edge of his bed as he fished through his t-shirt drawer, finally plucking one out for you to sleep in. You stepped out of your work clothes and kicked them aside on the floor.

You were standing there in your bra and panties sliding his shirt over your head and Chris could feel his heart flutter. You were so beautiful and his feelings for you were overwhelming at times but in the best ways. You crawled into his bed and when he climbed in you curled up close to him. Once Chris’ arms were around you, you were out in no time flat. 

It was late afternoon when Chris finally woke you up. He didn’t want you to skip dinner. You got up and he gave you a pair of his sweats to put on while he started to cook. You walked out of his room into the kitchen, and he laughed a little seeing you in his baggy clothes that all but swallowed you. He kissed your forehead as you walked up and wrapped your arms around his waist. 

“You’re kinda cute in my clothes.” You shook your head and rested it against Chris’ chest listening to his steady heartbeat. 

“Food smells good.” You turned your head and peeked at what was on the stove. Spaghetti. Chris let go of you with one arm to grab a big spoon and stir the sauce. He brought it up to his lips and blew on it and tasted it. He stirred the sauce again, getting another spoon full and blowing on it before offering you a taste for your opinion. 

“Need anything?” You shook your head and hummed in satisfaction. 

“That’s so good Chris, is it almost done?” He nodded. 

“Yep go ahead and sit at the table I’ll bring it out in just a second.” Moments later Chris brought you both a bowl out to the table and he sat with you to eat. When you were done Chris cleared the table and you curled up on his couch under a throw blanket. He came out to join you and he was glad to see you more relaxed, more yourself again. He sat down on the couch and you curled up next to him. You both sat there enjoying each other and the silence for a bit before you said anything. 

“I’m sorry Chris.” His brows furrowed. 

“For what baby girl?” You sat up, turned, and looked at him. 

“For making you worry, for making you leave your meeting, for freaking out for no reason.” He shook his head. 

“It wasn’t for no reason. You heard shouting, you were scared.” You shook your head. 

“I was scared because of that stupid nightmare; it wasn’t even real. I... I shouldn't have called you like that.” You went to pull away, but Chris stopped you and made you look at him. 

“Why not? Why wouldn’t you call me if you’re scared or in danger?” You weren’t sure how to say what you wanted. 

“Because you lost out on money leaving your meeting today and I... I’m just some girl who takes up space in your life. I’m not your responsibility and I shouldn’t put things like that on you.” Chris shook his head. 

“You are so much more than just someone that takes up space in my life and no meeting is more important than knowing you’re alright, that you’re safe.” You looked into his deep brown eyes. 

“Why?” Chris shook his head not understanding your question. 

“Why, is that the most important?” His face softened, he pushed a stray bit of your hair away and kissed you softly. 

“Because y/n, I think I’ve fallen in love with you.” You looked surprised that he said that and he had thought it was obvious. 

“What?!” His hand rested gently against your cheek. 

“I’m in love with you y/n.” He pulled you in and kissed you. 

“I love you baby girl.” He kissed you again. 

“I love you so fucking much y/n.” He attacked your lips this time, his mouth opening and his tongue exploring yours, his fingers weaved through your hair. You pulled away suddenly and Chris thought he may have scared you by saying the L word already. 

“What, what is it?” He asked concerned. You just shook your head in disbelief. Who were you? What had you done to make him love you? You weren’t special. Why did you deserve this incredibly kind and beautiful human’s love. You were just... you. 

“W-why?” He tilted his head like a confused puppy. 

“That seems to be your favorite question tonight beautiful. You want to know why I love you?” You nodded your head. Chris’ thumb traced across your cheek and he looked into your eyes as if he’d find his answer to your question if he just looked deep enough. 

“I love you because I know you slip the homeless man in front of your office building a twenty any chance you get, you don’t ask him if he will use it on drugs or food. You just give it to him because he needs it. I love you because you personally wrote thank you cards to every single one of your coworkers when they pitched in and threw a birthday party for you. I love you because you love that shitty pizza place up the street from your apartment and I firmly believe the only reason they’re still open is because of your obsession with their tikka masala pizza. Baby girl I love you because you’re not afraid to just be yourself. You’re confident, kind, and beautiful; what’s there not to fall in love with?” Tears rimmed your eyes. Yeah, you were just you but apparently that’s all Chris needed to fall in love with you. 

“You don’t have to say it back, I just-” 

“I do love you Christopher.” You interrupted him and he smiled at you, one of his dimples popping out. 

“You do?” You nodded. He was elated. He leaned in and kissed you. His plump lips and yours slotted together. When he broke the kiss he giggled and rubbed his nose gently against yours. 

“Does this mean you’re my girl now.” You smiled, you really liked hearing him call you that. You shook your head. 

“I think I’ve been your girl since the day we met.” He laughed, nodding his head in agreement.  

“That night is forever burned into my brain.” He confessed and you smirked at him. That night was an awakening for you. Just thinking back to it made you wet. You gently pushed against Chris’ chest, making him sit back on the couch as you climbed on his lap. His hands immediately finding purchase on your hips. Your hands cupped his face and you kissed him. Chris’ tongue and yours fought for dominance that neither could win. You made out and dry humped each other like it was the first time you’d ever touched each other. Your hips rolled and rubbed harder against Chris every time, driving him crazier and crazier. Chris grabbed your chin with his thumb and forefinger making you look him dead in the eyes. 

“Cum for me baby girl, baby, gah-fuck.” You moaned; your orgasm was creeping up on you quicker. The grip on your chin tightened bringing your eyes back to his. 

“Cum.” You threw yourself forward, wrapping your arms around Chris grinding against is painfully hard cock, riding out the waves of electricity that were making their way through your body while you moaned and gasped against his neck. 

“Chris... C-Chris... s-so,so good, feels s-so good.” Your words were breathy. As you came back down Chris grabbed the hem of the shirt you were wearing and pulled it up over your head, you lifted your arms assisting in its removal. You sat there glowing post orgasm, in the same bra that Chris had seen earlier. His fingers traced your bra cup before pulling it down and sucking on your nipple. He licked and gently sucked on it until it was perked then he pulled down the other cup freeing that breast as well. Pinching and rubbing that nipple before squeezing your breasts. 

“So sexy baby girl.” Your face burned the way he stared at your body, before you could get too embarrassed Chris gripped one of your ass cheeks in each hand, stood and lifted you. You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck laughing as he headed for his bedroom. 

“I’m perfectly capable of walking myself you know.” Chris’ teeth grazed your shoulder then his lips were pressed to your ear. 

“You won’t be by the time I’m done with you.” You clenched and your legs tightened around Chris’ waist. 

“Fuck, Chris... I... I want you.” You tried to pull him closer as if you could, gripping him tightly as you kissed him again. You never got enough of kissing his soft lips. 

“I’m yours baby girl, I’m yours.” He laid you down on his bed and peeled off his own shirt before climbing over your and claiming your lips again, his hands roaming your body. 

“God please touch me Chris.” He smirked against your skin and reached into the sweatpants you were wearing ghosting his fingers over your panties. 

“Where beautiful? Here?” Your hips moved seeking more of his touch. 

“Pleeease yes right there.” His fingers gently moved over your clothed slit making goosebumps erupt all over your body but still not giving you any of the satisfaction you wanted. He nipped and kissed at your neck as you squirmed underneath him. 

“Is my girl needy tonight? Do you want my fingers or my tongue beautiful.” His fingers grazed your panties again and you moaned. 

“Both...” He hummed, satisfied with your answer. 

“So greedy tonight too? That’s okay, if my girl wants both then my girl gets both.” Chris’ hands trailed down your body and his fingers hooked in the waistband of your sweatpants and underwear, pulling them down and off, tossing the useless items aside. He lined up with your cunt and gripped your hips, ready to devour you like a man on death row getting his last meal. The first swipe of his tongue through your folds was warm and wet and you wanted more. Your fingers tightened around Chris’ curls as you moaned his name. 

“Chris! Don't tease!” He wanted to drag it out make you beg but he was so eager to taste you, to make you scream his name. He buried his face between your legs, licking and sucking at your clit. He stuck his fingers in his mouth wetting them before sliding them inside you. Not that he needed to, you were absolutely soaked for him. 

“So wet baby girl, who’s got you dripping like this?” You bit your lip and looked down at him watching you as he pushed his fingers deeper inside you. 

“You do Chris, you fuck, please don’t stop. I’m so close.” He drank you in and finger fucked you pushing you closer and closer. When your hips just couldn’t stay still Chris held you down and hummed against your pussy as he sucked on your clit. 

“Oh fuck Chris! I’m coming, go-fuck I’m coming!” Instead of slowing down Chris kept going at your cunt, now coated in your arousal until you finally had to grip his hair tightly and pull his head away as you pulled back. Your legs were shaking and you were breathing heavily. Chris pulled you back towards him and started placing the softest kisses on the insides of your thighs. 

“Taste so good. Love it when you say my name like that beautiful, makes my dick so hard.” Chris got up and slid his underwear and basketball shorts down. Every time you saw Chris’ cock hard for you it made your mouth water. You sat up and took off your bra before crawling over to the edge of the bed. Chris knew where this was heading as you licked your lips and looked at him like a bowl of ice cream. You didn’t waste any time, as soon as you had grabbed his dick your mouth was on it. Chris tilted his head back and moaned as he thread his fingers through your hair and you took more and more of his cock. When he started to hit the back of your throat making you gag you just took more letting him thrust and fuck your throat. When you finally came up for a deep breath you were panting and covered in your own saliva.  

“So fucking sexy when you choke on me like that baby girl. You like when I fuck your throat?” You nodded looking up at him with those sweet eyes of yours, he pushed the hair he’d mussed away from your face. You don’t know why but you did enjoy it. Every time you gagged on him or he fucked your throat your pussy would practically drip. Chris was always one to surprise you in the bedroom usually but tonight you had a trick up your own sleeve. You laid down on the bed on your back, your head hanging over the edge. 

“Fuck my throat Chris, go as deep as you want.” This was another one of those times that Chris had to stop and collect himself before he lost his mind.  

“Are you sure that’s what you want baby girl.” You nodded. 

“Want to make you feel good it makes me so wet when you moan.” You opened your mouth and Chris slid his cock in, you wrapped your lips around him and hummed giving him permission to go deeper. He gently held your jaw as he started to thrust deeper into your throat. You ran your fingertips up and down Chris’ thighs grabbing his ass and squeezing before pushing him even further down your throat.  

“Fuck you like it when I fuck your mouth baby? Hmm?” You moaned around his cock and it sent chills down Chris’ spine. He leaned over and started playing with your pussy as he continued to face fuck you. The more he teased your clit the louder the moans around his dick became. Finally it got to the point Chris couldn’t take it anymore.  

“I’ve got to be inside this pussy baby come here.” He pulled out and spun you around, crawling on top of you as you wrapped your legs around his waist. He went to reach for a condom in his nightstand and you stopped him. 

“You... I mean... I’m on birth control so... if you don’t want to... you know... that’s okay with me.” Chris looked at you and spoke softly. 

“Are you sure? It doesn’t bother me either way.” You nodded. 

“You’re my man right?” Chris smiled and shook his head. 

“I’m your man baby girl.” You wrapped your legs around him tighter. 

“Then fuck me like you are.” Chris smirked at you and then grabbed his dick rubbing it up and down your slick folds both of you moaning out in pleasure at the warm contact. Chris lined up his cock with your entrance and leaned over kissing your lips softly as he pushed the tip of his cock inside you. When he was fully buried inside you he let out a breath. 

“Fuck, I love you y/n.” You ran your fingers through Chris’ hair and then gently down his face taking in all the beautiful lines of his strong jaw and broad nose, your heart swelled knowing this beautiful creature both inside and out, loved you. You leaned up and kissed him. 

“I love you too Christopher.” You gently dug your heel into his ass cheek urging him to move. 

“Please baby, fuck me, need you.” Chris didn’t need to be asked twice he pulled out and pushed in harder and faster the feeling of you raw around his cock felt unreal, so warm and wet. He fucked you harder and you started to pinch and play with your nipples as Chris gripped your hips and pumped himself in and out, in and out. Sweat started beading around his temples and forehead and his face was flushed and pink. You could hardly stand the sight of this gorgeous man losing himself on top of you. Chris started to roll his hips and rubbed your clit with his thumb edging you closer and closer to the precipice.  

“Chris... I... I... fuck! Harder fuck me harder!” He slammed his hips into yours and you started to cum, your walls quivered around Chris’ dick, the feeling sending him straight into his own orgasm. 

“Oh fuck y/n god I’m coming baby I’m coming.” He pulled out and streaks of his cum shot across your pussy and belly as it started to drip from your cunt. Chris collapsed on you, sweaty and out of breath, the weight of his body comforting like a weighted blanket. You wrapped your arms around him and gently ran your fingertips up and down his back, through his curls. Soothing him. After a few minutes of just lying there with each other Chris got up and let you up so you could both get showered and ready for bed. After you crawled in bed next to Chris, he pulled you close. 

“Hope you don’t mind I get cuddly after I cum.” You laughed shaking your head as Chris giggled and clung to you just like he always did. You nuzzled in close and as you both drifted off to sleep you wondered just how much one man could surprise you, how much your man could surprise you. 

@acciocriativity @caroline-ds-world @chansynie @ughbehavior @jquellen27 @hyunelixies @fixation-dump @lachinitaaaaa @rinrinndou @bangchans-angel @laylasbunbunny @owo-manii-uwu @armystay89 @b00dyguts @purplenimsicle

I dont remember who wanted to be on my permanent tag list and who wanted thick reader only, so if you're tagged on here and don't want to be, just let me know and I'll take you off.

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

[dykesynthezoid]

Writing wlw/mlm hostility Nami and Zoro + implied zosan and loving my life. Frankly.

Sneak peak:

_

Bereft of ideas and overwhelmed with frustration, Nami found herself with the steadying firmness of the aft deck under her back. She’d retreated to the piece right at the stern where hardly anyone ever went unless it was for something incredibly specific. Unfortunately, hardly anyone didn’t include Zoro.

“What’re you doing, witch?” he asked, suddenly coming into view above her. He looked annoyingly sweaty and a little constipated, as usual. Nami knew he often liked to train back here, despite the fact he now had an entire room he could use just for that up in the crow’s nest.

“What does it look like?” she asked primly.

“Um. Looks like you’re lying on the deck with your arms crossed over your chest and glaring up at the sky like it owes you money. So, I don’t know. Sulking?”

“Hah,” Nami scoffed. “Our resident broodingest swordsman accuses me of sulking. That’s rich.”

Zoro blinked dully at her.

“You have a whole training room in the crow’s nest, you know,” she added after a moment. “Up a long ladder, on top of the foremast? Do you need directions? You’ve never been good with those.”

“Uh huh.” Zoro scratched his chin lightly, looking out at the midday sun. “C’mon. I’m busy. What’s wrong with you?”

“Oh, he’s busy,” Nami grumbled to herself, only partly for his benefit.

Zoro kicked her lightly in the side with his dirty, salt-crusted boot.

“Hey!” Nami squawked, jerking away and batting aggressively at his shins with a fist. If he felt any of the impact, he didn’t show it. “What is wrong with you?” She resettled on the deck, brushing off the dirt and salt now on her shirt with a haughty sniff. “Sanji would kill you if he saw that.”

Above her, Zoro huffed, his arms crossed. “The shit-idiot is welcome to try.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nami said, waving him off. She shook her head where it still rested against the wooden planks, then was graced with a sudden thought. “You know, maybe if you fucked him already it would, like, fix him. It’s worth a shot.”

Zoro narrowed his eyes at her, tips of his ears going coral-red, but steeled himself enough to prevent any further signs of embarrassment. Luckily, Nami had long since learned to read between the lines of his glaring and pouting and sword-swinging.

“Think the sun’s gone to your head,” Zoro growled, but he was still moving to bend down fluidly onto his knees, joining her on the deck.

“I’m being serious,” Nami told him, raising her eyebrows. “Think of how many problems you could solve if you just nut up and suck a dick.”

Zoro looked almost pained at that, frowning as he sprawled out next to her on the wood.

“I know, I know,” Nami sighed, as if he’d answered her. She didn’t really need his input, anyway. “It’s the dick in question that’s the problem. Not that I want to think about it anymore than I have to, but I really do imagine it would do you both good. But you’re right, getting there might require actual communication, god forbid.”

Zoro was studying her quietly, peering at her through the shadows the late afternoon sun left on his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said slowly, as stubborn as ever but sounding more like he was testing her out than outright denying anything.

Nami turned her head to look over at him, grain of the wood pressing into the back of her head. “Fine,” she said after a moment. “I suppose you could just wait until the next time you accidentally get a glimpse of his sock garters and almost brain yourself with a dumbbell because every ounce of that famed physical awareness has suddenly fled your body through your dick; that makes sense.”

Zoro only grunted in response, reaching out a hand to fiddle with the end of her long, thin belt that had flopped out onto the deck when she laid down. Nami allowed it, seeing as he was almost always easier to talk to when his hands were occupied.

“Is it about the cook? Whatever’s wrong with you, I mean?” he asked, apparently having grown wise to her deflections.

Nami sighed, tugging her lip reticently between her teeth even as she was forced to accept that the jig was up. “It’s Robin,” she said finally. “She thinks I should— Come out to him, I guess.”

[kagiura-akira]

my ASMR boyfriend

Rating: PG for Hirano's vocabulary

Words: 2100ish

Still a wip, so this is absolutely a placeholder title. This is likely going to be a long one-shot, so it'll be a bit before I properly post. But I wrote some stuff and wanted to share cause the kghr asmr AU has been plaguing my mind for a few days now and I had a productive write or die session this evening and I liked the sasawarano friendship interactions.

--------

Hirano Taiga has never been very good at thinking. Or rather, he's too good at thinking. Doesn't know how to stop. Now in his second year of high school, every possible thought plagues him late at night. What should he do about his paper due for English next week? He hasn't decided a topic yet. What is he going to write for his summer reflection homework? What would he even say? That he studied at the library all summer? It's not like he lives a particularly exciting life, despite how active his mind is.

Lying wide awake, thinking about school, life, his future, Hirano doomscrolls through his phone for probably a good hour or two before he decides he should try to get some sleep. It's just after midnight, and he has to wake up early to tutor Sasaki and Ogasawara tomorrow morning. So he lies there, tossing and turning, trying to shut off his brain, but all he can think about is everything he needs to remember to do in the morning.

Did he include everything he was supposed to in the flashcards he made for them?

Did he remember to pack his statistics notebook?

What about his summer break homework?

His mind won't shut up. Hell, he doesn't even think about the same topic for more than 30 seconds.

While he’s used to scrolling through his social media feeds endlessly, he doesn’t find anything particularly intriguing or thought provoking this time, so his mind starts to drift again. He can't concentrate on any one thing in particular, and he's not even conscious of the way he switches between apps — it’s just muscle memory. Twitter feed? Garbage. Instagram? Great for a few reels and not much more. Facebook? Nah, that’s mostly full of his relatives bickering or posting complaints about their neighbors. Without any real aim, he opens the Youtube app on his phone. Then, as he's scrolling through some random Youtube shorts, a handsome guy with brown hair and deep chocolate brown eyes to match catches his attention. He’s advertising a full length video for his channel.

"Can't sleep? Listen to this video to fall asleep instantly," the caption says, emphasis on the “instantly.” There’s a brief preview in the short, and Hirano is intrigued but hesitant. It seems kind of odd. Is this that ASMR thing he’s heard some people talk about? His classmates always referred to it like it was the most cringeworthy content in the depths of the internet, so his finger hovered over the link for a bit. Best case scenario, it’s exactly what it says it is, and Hirano falls asleep before 3 AM for the first time in weeks. Worst case scenario, it’s some weird video from a creepy dude on the internet and it doesn’t put him to sleep, but realistically, he’s not sleeping anyway, so giving it a chance seems like the right thing to do. What could possibly go wrong? Hirano doesn't know what to expect when he opens the full video, but it starts off simple enough.

"Hi, welcome back to my channel," the boy whispers into an expensive-looking microphone with a fluffy wind muff, gently cupping the side of it. "Tonight, we'll be reading the tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter," he says. He opens an old picture book with an English title and a couple of rabbits on the cover: a mother rabbit dressed in a full-length dress and apron and a little rabbit in a blue sweater and rainboots standing next to her.

‘Guess we’re reading a children’s book tonight, then,’ Hirano thinks.

When the guy opens to the first page, the text is in English, too. Hirano wasn't expecting to listen to an English bedtime story told by a Japanese Youtuber tonight, but realistically, he hadn’t expected to end up on this side of the internet at all.

“Once upon a time, there were four little rabbits, and their names were Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-tail, and Peter...”

Hirano gets the jist of the story if he closes his eyes, but he has to focus hard on the audio for even a vague understanding. There are Japanese subtitles, though, so rather than struggle to follow, he reads along with the captions. He’s fluent enough in English thanks to the fact it’s compulsory at their school, but he’s unfamiliar enough that he only catches key verbs and nouns without the subtitles.

The guy’s voice is soft-spoken, yet still animated — a sweet and mellifluous timbre with a slightly low pitch, but not any lower than Hirano’s own voice. Half asleep, he thinks about how aptly titled the video is. This guy really knows his stuff. He’s probably one of those professional voice actors or something that does the recording for audio books. His voice is nice enough that he surely has to be.

"Peter never stopped running or looked behind him till he got home to the big fir-tree," he starts to round out the story. “He was so tired that he flopped down upon the nice soft sand on the floor of the rabbit-hole and shut his eyes...”

It only takes the words “shut his eyes” for Hirano’s own to close, like he’s obeying a subtle instruction.

About thirty seconds later, he closes the story book, but the video doesn’t end there. Hirano is barely clinging to consciousness as the guy talks a little bit about the book and the four little rabbits, commenting on how naughty Peter was for not listening to his mother. While the reading of the story itself was somewhat formal in presentation (likely due to it being in English and being read by a narrator whose first language is probably Japanese), the talk afterward is incredibly candid. His voice is a little bit muffled by his mask, but he keeps his face close to the microphone, so while his voice isn't crystal clear, it’s still audible.

“The moral of the story is, ‘listen to your mother if you want blackberries and bread for dinner and don’t want to be sent to bed without food,’” he laughs softly. “I was a little scared for the rabbit, myself, since his dad had an accident in the garden. And it’s too bad he lost his little coat and shoes. They were so cute.”

He leafs through the pages of the book again to show his favorite illustrations as he talks about it, analyzes it a little bit. Maybe it’s a bit much for a story written for the sole purpose of entertaining a sickly child — there shouldn’t be too many hidden metaphors or intentional symbolism — but Hirano enjoys the rambling.

"I hope you enjoyed this story. It's one of my favorites," he says, starting to close out the video. Hirano can’t see him smile behind the mask, but his eyes are expressive enough that he can read his face well enough to know he is. The corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles sincerely. His voice is airy, like he’s mildly hypnotized by his own video. In the end, he’s just as relaxed as his viewers. Meanwhile, Hirano is somehow still awake, although just barely. He’s too fascinated by this boy and his voice.

"Good night," the brunette whispers over and over as the video gradually fades to black. And seconds later, Hirano's eyelids, heavy and tired, finally flutter closed. He drops his phone on the mattress next to his pillow, and just like that, he’s out like a lamp.

Probably the first time he'd slept more than five hours in a night, Hirano wakes up the next morning feeling more rested than he has for the last four years. He didn't have to walk too far to get to school, since he lives in the dorms, but he’s determined to leave early just in case, anyway. Not that Sasaki or Ogasawara would beat him there, but he has to get their notes and mini lectures ready.

If one didn't know better, they'd think Hirano was their teacher rather than a fellow classmate.

"Morning,” Hirano calls to Ogasawara as the latter pushes open the classroom door, dragging himself over to their desks near the window.

“Morning,” Ogasawara mumbles. “You're awfully chipper for 7 AM.”

“Guess I just slept well last night,” Hirano says. It’s just as Ogasawara says, though — he’s never been one for mornings, so to see him awake and not homicidal at such an early hour is a rarity.

"Sasaki’s on his way. Had to stop and take a piss since he didn’t roll out of bed till right before we got on the train," Ogasawara says with a yawn. "Thanks for doing this for us.”

Hirano laughs. "No problem. How long have I been helping you two now, anyway? I'm used to it."

“Yeah, I know, I owe you my life or something. Or at least, you can have Sasaki’s. I don’t want to think about what Eimi would say if I told her I sold my soul to you just pass my midterms.” Ogasawara shudders in response to a deeply buried traumatic thought resurfacing — a feeling that can only be understood by a fujoshi’s boyfriend.

Hirano pushes a stack of flashcards across the desk toward his friend, hoping it’ll keep him from going on about their latest fight. “Score above 80% and you can keep your soul,” he says, half-joking.

And when Ogasawara shuffles through the neatly printed and thoroughly organized deck of flashcards, he’s certain that he has, in fact, just made a deal with the devil.

“Let’s get to it, then.”

Later that night, as Hirano’s getting ready for bed, he opens up Youtube instead of his usual timelines. Looks up and down his suggested feed for the page of the guy he listened to last night, though he would easily find it if he would just look at the history on his phone. He’s surprisingly slow for someone with grades in the top 20 of his class — not exactly technologically savvy, despite his habit of looking through social media every night right before bedtime.

He scrolls through his feed, phone propped on his chest as it illuminates his face in the dark room. Desperate to find the channel, he searches, "bedtime rabbit story english japanese guy,” which does him no favors at all. Then, as if the algorithm gods have had enough of watching him struggle, it pops up as the first suggested video when he refreshes his suggested video feed for the 30th time that night. He makes sure to note the username, kgurbskt11. He isn’t sure how to read that, but at least he can’t forget such an oddly cryptic username.

First on the agenda: subscribe to the channel and bookmark it for later. He’d hate to have to go through all of this again next time he wants to watch his videos. Completely throwing caution to the wind, he scrolls through the videos for less than a few seconds before randomly tapping on one without looking at the title or thumbnail. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for — he just wants to hear something that’ll put him to sleep.

The random video is just a simple talking one, and rather than soft spoken, he spends much of the video whispering. The sound causes a tingling sensation to form at the back of his head, which then spreads over the rest of his scalp, and then down his spine. He jumps a little from the ticklish feeling it gives him, but once he’s used to it, he starts to unwind. The guy wasn't talking about anything spectacular, to be honest. Just the time he spends with his friends. There’s a story about his summer vacation and his younger sisters, and then a story about playing suikawari* at his family's estate with all of his extended family. He’s bubbly without being overwhelmingly energetic. A nice bit of rambling that has Hirano focused, but he isn't focused so much on the content of the story, this time, as he is on this boy's eyes.

Like last time, his eyes are expressive in a thousand different ways as he cycles through several emotions while recounting his summer vacation. The deep brown irises captivate Hirano, and soon he finds he isn't even listening or comprehending the words of the video anymore. And within 30 seconds of his eyes slowly starting to flutter closed, he’s abruptly awakened when he drops his phone on his face.

“Fuck,” he curses, rubbing his nose. When he returns his attention to the video, it’s a little easier to concentrate, but now he has to spend a little more time watching this channel now that he’s been awakened so abruptly. So he watches another video, only making it about five minutes in when he fell asleep for real (without dropping his phone on his face, this time).

---------

*Suikawari is a traditional Japanese game that involves splitting a watermelon with a stick while blindfolded

[nova-writes-about-things]

captain jack sparrow x gn!reader word count: 1867 warning(s): mentions of violence, blood, and gunshot wounds (not graphic)

(REQUESTS ARE OPEN!)

prompt:  “do you mind saying that again when I can actually remember what it is you just said?”

in your life as a pirate, you tended to take danger in stride. it’s just the way that it was. if you’d bothered to be afraid every time you were in a dangerous situation, you’d never have a bloody minute to think!

an attack on your beloved ship—your home—by fellow snarling pirates? not an issue. a blade held to your neck in a ridiculous attempt to use you as a hostage? not the first time, certainly wouldn’t be the last.  

but you didn’t realize the true meaning of fear—not really—until the day a gunshot hit jack square in the chest.  

when the pearl had encroached upon a merchant ship on the horizon, her black sails whipping wildly through the air and catching up in no time at all, the captain had immediately thrown up their white flag. it seemed to be an easy surrender, and it was—at least, until some hay-brained young sailor on board decided to take a shot at your beloved captain.

it was at that moment that you realized exactly how afraid you were of losing him.

jack handled everything as if he’d expected it all along. he was the definition of devil-may-care attitude, of someone who had the world by the strings and was fifteen steps ahead at any given time. 

you knew he wasn’t immortal—not for lack of trying, on his part—but it was easy to think as much when he escaped danger on the daily with not so much as a scratch. but immortals don’t bleed, you thought distantly, as you watched him hit the ground. 

he clutched at his chest. blood seeped through his shirt and vest, and his eyes were wide and frantic. that momentary look of being taken so off guard—was it fear?—is what spurred you into action.

you hardly registered the pearl’s crew tackling the sailor boy to the ground. you were focused on rushing over to jack.

“he shot me,” jack ground out through his teeth. “damned boy bloody shot me.”

kneeling on the ground next to him, you pressed your hands against the wound, desperately trying to stop the bleeding. “just keep some pressure on this, alright?” you said quietly.

you turned toward the crowd, barely noting the wide-eyed looks from the merchant ships’ crew and the terrified looks from your own crew. “someone help me get him back,” you commanded, your voice leaving no room for argument. “now.”

it took two or three crew members from the pearl, gibbs included, to carry jack across the gangplank and bring him safely to his cabin. what a sight, you mused later, once the dust had settled. pirates who took care of their own. the worst pirates anyone’s ever heard of.

you, in the meantime, took immediate command of the ship. you demanded movement, and fast. you needed towels, tools, equipment. you just needed jack to be okay. 

the pearl was in a frenzy. 

“take care ‘f him for us,” gibbs had told you, once jack was left on the mattress in his cabin and you’d gotten the things you needed. “we’ll handle things out here.”

“thank you,” you replied, and hoped the authenticity of your words showed. he nodded, then quickly took his leave. you turned towards jack, who’s breathing had become labored. not good, not good, not good.

you pushed aside your fear long enough to make a cohesive plan. you’d need to be able to see the wound to treat the wound, and to do that, you’d need to have access to his chest. and to do that--

oh.

right then.

you ignored the rushing heat to your cheeks. instead, you chastised yourself for being so childish at a moment like this, and took a breath. you had a job to do.

as it turned out, removing jack’s clothes was a bit tougher than you’d thought it’d be. (not that you’d thought about it.)

jack had practically turned into dead weight. taking off his effects, coat, vest, and shirt underneath was a lot more difficult to do when he couldn’t help you in the process. but you’d done it, and the lack of any suggestive comments on his end left you with naught but an unsettling fear in your gut.

“rum,” he mumbled instead, and you understood well enough. rum would dull the pain. you found one of his hiding spots where he hid his own stash away from the rest of the crew--he’d told you about it months ago, when you were both drunk on the very thing--and uncorked it, handing it to him. he wasted no time in taking a swig, though the very movement seemed to cause him pain.

luckily for jack, the sailor boy didn’t have as good an aim as much as he was foolish, meaning the bullet had landed closer to jack’s shoulder instead of hitting any major organs or arteries. unluckily for jack, however, the bullet also hadn’t made a clean exit. you would have to get it out yourself.

you sucked in a breath. “this is going to hurt.”

“’ve been through worse, love,” he muttered, not exactly looking at you while he did so. he took another long pull from the bottle of rum, then set it down, lying back on the bed.

there was a part of you that didn’t want to do this. a rather large part of you would’ve rather left the damned thing where it was just so you wouldn’t have to be the one to pain him.

but you also didn’t like the way his skin had paled, and how his eyes had a glazed shine to them where there shouldn’t have been one. you knew he would be worse off if the bullet stayed where it was. and so, taking a deep breath to steady your hand, you went for it.

-

jack, for the most part, became delirious with fever. he kept talking quietly under his breath, murmuring words that you couldn’t quite catch. you thought you heard something about a garden party, or a mention of pretty ships. it wasn’t as though you could follow his train of thought when you were too busy trying to fish lead out of his skin.

regardless, you preferred the nonsense mumblings to the moments of frightening silence. jack being quiet was a bad sign at the best of times. jack being quiet after an injury like this was far worse. after the first bout of silence, you’d asked him to keep talking—to make yourself feel better, if not only to keep him from falling unconscious.

you weren’t sure who was more drained by the time you got hold of the bullet. you’d quietly murmured apologies, assurances that things would get better, as he winced at every movement you made for the last half hour or so. and by the time it was over, you’d both been spent.

you held the bullet up once you had it in hand. jack seemed to regain his lucidity enough to regard it, a shaky laugh leaving his lips. “should keep it, don’t you think? add it to my collection.”

“this isn’t funny,” you admonished, though you were glad he still had his sense of humor. it had to count for something, right? you placed the bullet down on a small nightstand next to his bed, then exhaled, exhausted. “i’ll need to dress this. have you any wrappings in here?”

“it’s that-a-way,” he mumbled. he lifted his hand and waved it in a vague direction towards his desk which sat in the middle of the cabin. you stood up and walked towards it, going through each drawer. finally, you found what you were looking for, but not before spotting a piece of parchment—a letter, at closer examination—with your name written on it.

you grabbed it, curiously eyeing the letter, before remembering your initial task. you had to take care of wrapping the wound before it got infected. you quickly returned to jack’s side, beginning to work at the wrappings.  

you expertly threaded the wrapping through his arms as much as you could while he was laying down. still, you eventually had to guide him towards a halfway sitting-up position so that you could effectively tie the wrapping around him. he settled back down with a wince.  

as you dabbed a wet cloth against his face, trying to control the fever, you couldn’t help but let your thoughts wander to that letter. all you’d been able to see was your own name, but you easily recognized jack’s handwriting. why on earth would he bother writing a letter to you when you couldn’t be more than fifty feet away at any given time?

finally, after much unbearable silence, you decided there was no harm in asking. “jack?”  

his head lolled towards you. he blinked slowly, as if registering what you had just said.

“there’s a letter in your desk, addressed to me,” you said, keeping your voice as level as you could. “might i be privy to the contents of it?”

he grinned lazily. “ah, that’s just my thoughts speakin.’” he paused and frowned in thought. then, he shrugged. “well, speakin’ in the form of writing. not like I was ever plannin’ on giving it to you.”

you blanched slightly, realizing that in this state, he might be a tad more open with you than he would be in normal circumstances. with this knowledge in hand, you knew you shouldn’t have pressed, but still, curiosity, curiosity—

“and what were your thoughts speaking, exactly?”

“silly, silly things, love,” he said in a sing-song tune. “silly thoughts I never thought I'd think. much less say, I s’ppose. stupid, silly little things.”

“master of evading questions, you are,” you retorted with just a hint of amusement. still, your traitorous heart beat wildly in your chest. “even when you’re half lost to delirium. you’re lucky I like you.”

he grinned widely. “you like me, do you?”

“aye, most unfortunately for me.”

he blinked, tilting his head, when he said, “do you mind saying that again when I can actually remember what it is you just said?”

you laughed. this man would be the death of you, surely. “how about i do that after I find out the truth about that mysterious letter of yours?”

he hummed, then settled back on the pillow, closing his eyes. “we have an accord, then.”

an accord, indeed, you thought. 

when he didn’t stir any further, you deemed it safe enough for him to sleep. he probably needed the rest, anyhow. you’d just been about to get up and let the others know that he’d be just fine when his hand shot out and grasped your wrist.

he didn’t want you to leave.

you sighed, and found yourself sitting back down at his side. after a moment, you found that your eyes were stinging just a bit. “don’t go and get yourself shot anymore, alright? don’t know what i’d do if you died on me.”

your words were a whisper, so quiet you barely heard yourself speak, but the corners of his mouth tilted upwards. “i’ll do me best, darling,” he mumbled.

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 1, Wave 5, Poll 14

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Snake-Zero Escape

Qualifications:

Canonically disabled! He's blind and has a prosthetic arm! He's only semi-canonically gay, but the creator did acknowledge the possibility when people spam asked him if Snake is gay and he put up a twitter poll about it: https://twitter.com/Uchikoshi_Eng/status/1360856115450241027 so take that as you will

Canonically blind and implied to be gay, later confirmed by the creator

Propaganda:

Snake is so funny, he's a bit of a confident know it all but in a charming way. He can and will destroy you if you hurt his sister. He's EVERYTHING <3

He was declared gay via a poll on the creator's Twitter page which is just iconic of him. First ever character to have his sexuality democratically elected

Anything Else?:

He's more commonly called "Snake" as his real name (Light) is only revealed near the end of the game, and his last name technically comes from interviews outside canon. So "Light" is a bit of a "light" (haha) spoiler! (Submitter 1)

Melanie King-The Magnus Archives

Qualifications:

Bisexual and blind

Gay and blind and amazing

Melanie ends up being blinded by herself in the fourth season of the Magnus Archives, and ends up in a romantic relationship with another woman in the same season

She is blind and has a girlfriend. Canon disabled and canon wlw win 👍

she has a girlfriend and is blind

She is blind and sapphic (I'm not sure if anything exactly is ever confirmed in canon, but most people refer to her as a lesbian)

Propaganda:

she’s iconic

I love her

Oh I love my horrible woman who did many things wrong but in a way I sympathize with and also enjoy because she deserves to be a hater. Anyways so Melanie's very first appearance involved her arguing with Jon and and dismissing the way the Magnus Institute takes statements, which is a very good introduction for her in my opinion because she will continue to be a hater in regards to John. Melanie got stabbed by a ghost prior to her next appearance and briefly became a meme because turns out, when you get stabbed by a ghost, you'll want to tell people about the ghost, and she did this as she was being dragged away from where this happened. Her professional credit went downhill after this. She ends up being the catalyst of a big plot point in season 2 after this statement, because she's the only one who recognizes that Not-Sasha is, in fact, not Sasha. Then it turns out she cannot catch a break because she gets shot by a ghost later, and the ghost bullet turns out to not be a good thing later on. Melanie starts working for the Magnus Institute after Elias, her to-be horrible boss, proposes the role, since her credit has gone down so much that the job opportunity is very much needed. Then she realizes that she does not like her horrible murder boss and that she is bound to the institute, she keeps trying to kill him, which honestly I think she deserved to do because he sucks and she deserves a kill count. Though he shoves the knowledge that her father, who she thought died peacefully, actually died an agonizing, drawn out death in her brain so she stops doing that afterwards. She does help to get him arrested though, even if she really wanted to murder him. After this it is noted that she, at one point, fended off horrible flesh monsters with a knife single-handedly. John ends up realizing that the ghost bullet from earlier is still in her leg, and is more over making her far more murder hungry than she would be without it. So naturally the next step is DIY, non-consentual surgery, which she, after waking up shortly after the incident with her leg frozen and her friends committing medical malpractice, naturally objects to, which leads to her scarring John and overall not trusting him or Basira nearly as much as she might have before. Then she decides to actually prioritize her mental health a bit after going through every horror imaginable by going to therapy and insisting that, due to how the way tapes work in the archives, that none of her sessions be recorded, all while being just a bit paranoid about her therapist. Then it turned out that the only way to sever herself from the eye was to simply not have sight, and she's the one character who chooses this, getting rid of her eyesight very painfully and then moving in with Georgie, who ends up being her girlfriend. She's a little less hostile towards John after this, though she does not want to be in any archives business considering everything she went through there. Then, during the Eyepocalypse, she and her girlfriend, due to her not having sight and Georgie not having fear, are unaffected, and they sort of accidentally start a cult while trying to keep other people protected. Though it does not help that Melanie lied about having a vision that the whole thing would end, since the truth is really hopeless and bleak. She meets up with John and Martin again, is involved with the discussion of how the world can be maybe saved and is ultimately one of the three main characters to make it to the end of the finale, the others being Georgie and Basira. This is just me highlighting all of the wild things she's been up to and this would have gotten even longer if I had more propaganda.

She's so cool she tries to poison her evil boss she kicks ass she was a ghost hunter and she's also managed to escape her shitty situation by blinding herself to be able to quit her evil eldritch horror archiving job and just chill w/ her gf georgie and their cat (until the evil boss she tried to poison fucks everything up for everyone but in the end she and georgie still live and are presumably as fine as they cam be after all the shit that happened)

Only Melanie can accidentally become the Blind Prophet of the Apocalypse with her literally fearless girlfriend after trying to distance herself from the Beholding. She also had a ghost bullet infected with with The Slaughter in her leg which she got because she was a ghost hunting YouTuber/paranormal investigator.

Sometimes you gotta take your eyes out to escape your shitty job. And then you and your girlfriend live as prophets (and basically accidental cult-leaders) in the apocalypse

[ambrosykim]

don't let her see your cardinal eyes

pairing: astarion x f!tav (saffron carnavon) words; rating: 1,5k; gen, fluff summary: after the first night they spend together, saffron wants to give astarion a gift to show him how much he means to her. (he's confused about his feelings but still sticks to his plan.) a/n: i love both astarion and saffron so much that it's a wonder i haven't turned into a puff of smoke from how much my brain's been overloading on thoughts about them <3 also on ao3!

Saffron's been avoiding him all day.

Astarion tries to think back over the last time she looked - let alone talked to him, but he keeps coming up short. After the night they spent together, she seemed amicable the next morning, making it easier for him to peel back a layer of his protective shell - to let her see him. Of course, he meant for her to see his back - after all, how else could he make her trust him more than literally baring the most vulnerable part of him to her?

He thought Saffron, with her bleeding heart, would feel honoured and even reassured in their relationship, if she saw him opening up to her. And yet, here he is, thinking about her, a day after their conversation, a day in which he didn't even catch her glancing at him.

If it weren't for Saffron's obvious attraction and affection for him, he might mark this down as a failed conquest and try to think about other possibilities. Still, he'd evaluated his chances before and thought that Saffron might be the most receptive to his charms; especially seeing how the others have essentially accepted her as their de facto leader, being as charming as she is.

All in all, he needs her to fulfil the role he wants her to do, if he wants to have guaranteed security for himself. Still, he's not willing to seem like he's chasing Saffron; he'll let her come to him naturally, as if that was his plan all along. The little sorcerer will come running to him in a day or two, he's sure of it.

-

Saffron's been thinking about her parents.

Growing up as the daughter of jewellers, her parents would make each other tiny trinkets whenever they wanted; this included if one of them had a bad day, as an apology if they were fighting, or simply to remind the other just how much they loved each other.

Inheriting her mother's magical powers, as well as her father's knack for creating with her hands, made her a talented sorcerer and - as her parents used to say - an artisan prodigy. As such, she knew this was her time to shine. She could see how Astarion retreated into his shell after the night they spent together, no matter how much he tried to hide it, and she wasn't about to let him hide; not after she's spent so much time and care trying to gently pry him open.

This past day, not only did Saffron give him a bit of space, but she was also preoccupied with thinking of a gift that would cheer him up, while also showing just how much she cared for him.

Fortunately, she has been collecting all the precious stones she could find, proving fortunate for occasions such as this. Gazing at her assortment of gems, she suddenly had an idea. Remembering the gold ingot she gave Karlach - it was too heavy for her and she couldn't see Astarion, who usually took such items from her - she shot up from where she was sitting and took off in the direction of Karlach's tent.

As she was making her way through camp, out of the corners of her eyes, she caught Astarion's gaze following her. Fighting down a smile, she hurried her steps, while also making sure to sway just that bit much as she did so.

Arriving at Karlach's tent, she called for the taller woman, who immediately appeared, as ready to help as ever.

"Hi Karlach. Do you think you could help me to find that bar of gold that I gave you for safekeeping a few days ago? I- sort of need it for something personal."

At her request, Karlach invited her in to help her search for the gold with gleaming eyes, a clap to the shoulder and an "of course, soldier, come on in!", to which Saffron only smiled widely. Gods knew, she was no soldier, yet Karlach insisted on the nickname.

What Saffron didn't notice, however, were the pair of ruby eyes following her into that tent, which lingered on the opening several heartbeats after it stopped moving.

After hunting through several sacks, Saffron finally found the ingot, holding it triumphantly over her head with a shout of "finally!" Thanking Karlach, Saffron exited her tent, only to nearly trip over Astarion, who seemingly was sunning himself right outside of Karlach's tent. Apologising quickly, Saffron stepped over the man and continued her way to her tent, where she could get to work uninterrupted.

-

If during breakfast, Astarion notices the small looks she steals at him, he doesn't show it. If anything, he seems deep in thought, hardly acknowledging anyone. While the gaze with which he looks at everyone - cold and calculating under that veneer of charm - should deter her, Saffron is only more determined to give her gift to Astarion.

After their meal is finished, everyone disperses quickly, as if anticipating something happening just by the atmosphere.

Saffron approaches Astarion with soft yet firm steps, only stopping when her feet nearly touch Astarion's, as he looks up at her with delay, but with that ever-present smirk on his face.

"Oh, darling. Back for another round, are you?" No matter how hard he tries, Saffron can still make out the slight relief present in his face. At her searching gaze, he only fortifies his charm. "What's with that look, my dear? You shouldn't overexert yourself, or if you did, at least let me help you-"

"I have a gift for you." Saffron interrupts him, eager to present the small stone in her hand to the man before her. At her words, his eyes only sparkle with mirth, his smirk deepening.

"Darling, if this "gift" is what I think it is-"

"No, I- I made you something." Her usually charming self is nowhere to be seen as Astarion's implication all but reduces her to a blushing mess. He only raises an eyebrow in skepticism.

"Oh, darling you shouldn't have."

"But Astarion, you don't even know what it is. I think you might like it." As he opens his mouth to answer, Saffron reaches for his hand. She moves a round object into his palm, closing her hand around his and enclosing the small gift.

Satisfied with having finished her task, Saffron takes a step back, letting Astarion steady himself before looking at what he received. After searching her eyes for some hidden answer, he flits his gaze down to his open palm.

A small teardrop ruby sits in his hand, intricate golden swirls covering its surface.

As he examines the small object, Saffron steps closer to him.

"I hope you like it?" As he looks at her, he's hit with how hopeful and affectionate her gaze is.

"I do, I really do, my dear. I just- I don't have anything to give to you." His bravado a shadow of how it usually is, face unusually open and unguarded.

"That's not why I thought to give it to you. I just thought you might like it, that's all. And I wanted you to know how much I appreciate you. There's no hidden meaning in this, Astarion. You've been kind to me, and I wanted to surprise you."

"Oh, that's- thank you." At his slack expression, Saffron continues.

"Also, here, look at this. This took me the longest time, but I wanted it to be perfect for you." While talking, she reaches to hold Astarion's face in her hand. At her silent question, he nods imperceptibly, letting Saffron touch his cheek. She closes her eyes, and he nearly drops the stone, as the ruby suddenly starts emanating soft warmth. Smiling, she looks to see his reaction, stroking his cheek slowly all the while.

At his unusual lack of words, she starts speaking. "I chose a ruby because it reminded me of your eyes. Deep and calming, just like it feels to look into your eyes." Sensing that Astarion might be uncomfortable with this, she adds, "or, at least when you're not being too naughty, though that can also be fun."

Astarion chuckles. "I can also be naughty now, if you're up for it, darling." With one last look to his eyes, she takes her hand off him, leaving him without the warmth of the ruby.

"Maybe some other time. I should probably talk to the others about what to do today."

"All right, but don't keep me waiting for long, dear. There's only so much time a man can handle being alone for." Saffron only answers with a quick grin, leaving him to his thoughts. Even as she saunters away from him, he can only concentrate on the ruby in his palm.

He doesn't remember the last time somebody gifted him something without expecting anything in return. With that thought, Astarion shakes his head and heads to his tent. It still doesn't mean anything. Even if she's the first person to be kind to him in a long time. That just means she'll fall for him faster, and that's exactly what Astarion wanted.

It doesn’t have to mean anything.

[ejzah]

A/N: After an extremely long break, I’ve returned with this story after someone on ff.net requested an update.

***

There’s Nothing Friendly About It, Part 4

“Hm, maybe I should have picked a different book,” Kensi mused, flipping to the next page of a worn copy of “Jane Eyre”. She’d just finished narrating a heartbroken Jane leaving Mr. Rochester. “I remember it being less…depressing last time I read it,” Kensi continued to Deeks, even though she knew he wouldn’t respond.

From everything she’d read, reading was supposed to stimulate brain activity, and Kensi would do anything that might help Deeks regain consciousness. It had the added benefit of filling the silence and keeping her mind occupied. Nell had dropped off a small stack of books, including a couple Harry Potters, a terrible looking romance, and a couple of fantasy novels the other day.

“Why were crazy wives in old books always from tropics? Maybe we should switch to Harry Potter. Right now He Who Must Not He Named seems a little less dark. What do you think?”

“Not the fifth one.”

Kensi’s head snapped up at Deeks’ croaked request. His eyes were slightly cracked, his head turned towards her.

“Deeks,” she whispered, all but falling out the chair in her desperation to be at his side.

“Mm,” he grunted.

“Oh my god, you’re awake!” She cupped his cheek, needing to confirm what her eyes were telling him. His skin was just as pale and cool as before, but she saw the spark of light in his eyes.

“I’m guessing it would be in poor taste to joke right now?” Deeks said, pausing every few words to catch his breath. When he was done, he cleared his throat.

“You’ve been unconscious for six days,” Kensi told him carefully. “Do you remember what happened.

“Something not good.” He coughed a couple times and winced. “I remember something about mechanic and fraud, but nothing else. Did I get shot or stabbed this time?”

“How about we talk about that after I get a nurse?”

Deeks narrowed his eyes at her, but it didn’t have its usual affect since he blinked halfway through.

“I’ll be right back.” She hurried off, grabbing the first nurse she found (they all new her at this point), who immediately grabbed a car and accompanied Kensi back to Deeks’ room.

The nurse performed the usual checks and asked Deeks a series of orientation questions. For once, he wasn’t actively flirting, but Kensi could tell the nurse was charmed by all the same. Especially when he recalled her name.

“Well, your blood pressure, oxygen, and heart rate are in a good range,” she said. “I’ll ask the speech pathologist come around to assess you and

let your doctor know you’re awake.”

“Thank you, Renee.”

“Oh, you’re going to be trouble.” Smiling at Deeks, she patted his arm, then added to Kensi. “Don’t give him anything to drink or eat until the speech pathologist is by. Ok?”

Any worry Kensi had about Deeks insisting she answer his questions turned out to be unnecessary since his eyes started slipping closed again shortly after Nurse Renee left. He slept restlessly until the speech pathologist came.

She brought in a tray of various liquids and foods, giving Deeks a little of each to try. After that, she asked him a variety of questions and story problems. Even with his energy clearly waning again, Deeks answered them with little difficulty.

In the end, she determined that Deeks didn’t have any trouble with swallowing and aside from some confusion with the date and time, his cognition appeared to be unaffected. Kensi quietly sighed in relief.

Once the room was empty again, Deeks patted the side of his bed, waiting until Kensi gingerly scooted in beside him. He looked thoroughly exhausted and in pain, but determined.

She curled around him as best she could, automatically threading a hand through his hair.

“Ok, what happened?” Deeks asked.

“We went to the mechanics garage, just like you remembered and it turned into a shootout,” Kensi started. “You were hit.” She paused, needing to steel herself against the pain of remembering him laying on the ground, trying to stop his bleeding, and then watching him lose consciousness.

“Hey, it’s ok. I’m here,” Deeks murmured, shaking her free of the memories.

“The doctors said the bullet hit a small artery. You nearly bled out.” She shuddered, and Deeks kissed her temple.

“I guess that explains why it feels like several elephants walked over me.”

“Deeks.”

“I’m sorry.” He tried to slide his arm around her, but gave up when he couldn’t figure out the tangle of IVs. “Did we catch the guys who did it?”

“Um, yeah, they’re either dead or under arrest,” Kensi said. She knew what he was asking, and that she was lying by omission. She also knew she couldn’t tell him the truth. She hadn’t even come to terms with the reality that he’d been shot by a teammate.

“Good,” Deeks sighed. He closed his eyes, then squinted one back open almost immediately. “You’ll stay here?”

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving.”

Closing his eyes again, he settled into the pillow. Kensi ran her fingers through his hair, relief overshadowing every other emotion.

The truth could wait until later.