a miserable pile of secrets [9-1-1 | Eddie Diaz & Hen Wilson | 1/1]
1.8K words | friendship | emotional hurt/comfort | implied/referenced cheating
a miserable pile of secrets [on AO3]
She finds Eddie up on the rooftop, which makes sense, given that Buck is currently working out his feelings on the heavy bag after Bobby finally snapped at the two of them to get their acts together unless they wanted to be benched. Chim's down in the weight room with him, which means that Hen is up here in the warm night air to talk some sense into the other half of their codependent little unit, who is currently perched on one of the folding chairs that they usually leave up here. He's as still as a statue, tense like he's afraid of what his body might do if he lets it move.
"Hey," Hen says, and he gives a jerky little nod of acknowledgement. "Mind if I sit?"
"Go ahead."
"Thanks." She pulls out one of the other chairs and sits down. "So."
"Bobby sent you."
"I sent myself," she corrects mildly, and watches Eddie's shoulders hunch a little. "I don't think I've ever seen you and Buck fight like that."
Though the truth is, she really only caught the tail end of it. Buck's frustrated voice rising on, "Do you hear yourself? How did you think this was going to work out? Have you even thought about Chris? What, you were just going to introduce him to her like—"
"Chris? Since when is how I parent my son any of your business?"
"I don't know, Eddie, you kind of made it my business when you put me in your fucking will!"
"Yeah, well, maybe that was a mistake!"
There was ringing silence in the wake of that. Then Buck said something quieter, inaudible from where Hen and Chim were standing frozen outside the locker room door, and Eddie spat, "Go to hell. I'm done talking about this."
The door slammed open and he stormed out, only pausing for a moment when he saw the two of them standing there. It wasn't until he'd already stomped up the stairs to the loft that Buck emerged, scowling.
"I don't want to talk about it," he snapped, before either of them could speak.
That was six hours ago. Neither of them has said a single word to each other since outside of the bare minimum on calls. The tension in the back of the truck has been thick enough to cut with a knife, and none of Chim's increasingly desperate jokes has done a damn thing to lighten the mood.
Hen doesn't blame Bobby for being fed up with the pair of them. She's caught somewhere between that and worry, herself. This isn't like them. Either of them.
Eddie shrugs again, tense. "I don't really feel like talking about it."
"Mm."
Hen kicks her legs out, relaxes into the chair and waits him out. It doesn't take long. Maybe two minutes before he lets out an angry little huff and says, "Marisol dumped me this morning."
"Oh," Hen says. That explains some of the mood, anyway. "Well, I'm sorry to—"
"I cheated on her. She found out."
She closes her mouth. For a moment she just looks at him: his tight jaw, his hands in fists on his thighs, so tense he looks like he's about to snap. Like looking through a warped mirror to a younger version of herself, and maybe that's why she manages some gentleness when she says, "That doesn't sound like you."
"Yeah. That's what Buck said. Shows what he knows."
"Why'd you do it?"
"It doesn't matter. It was stupid. I fucked up."
"If you're waiting on me to tell you otherwise, you'll be waiting a while." Eddie lets out a sharp, bitter little bark of laughter, and Hen adds. "I've been there, you know."
"Yeah. But it's not—Karen forgave you."
"Eventually, yeah. She didn't have to."
"Yeah," Eddie says, and then doesn't say anything else.
"Is that what you and Buck were fighting about?"
He shrugs again. Like talking to a damn teenager, Hen thinks. Not Denny, with his easy sweetness, but like one of the other kids who come through their home sometimes on temporary placements: already on the defensive, claws out, ready to fight.
"I guess," he mutters finally.
"You put him in your will?" Eddie scowls at her, and she shrugs. "Hey, if you want it to be a secret, maybe don't have your domestics at the top of your lungs in the locker room we all use."
He scoffs, clearly annoyed, but doesn't get up and storm off, so she's counting that as a win. Finally, he says, "Yeah. He's down as Chris's legal guardian if something happens to me. Since—uh, since I almost died in that well collapse a few years back."
Oh. Hen contemplates that for a moment, squares it up in her head with what she already knows about Eddie. It's not, she'll admit, completely out of left field. But still. "And you think maybe that was a mistake?"
Eddie groans, dropping his head back. "I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it."
"Maybe you should tell Buck that."
"He's pissed at me."
"Seems mutual."
"Yeah," Eddie says, wry and still kind of irritated. But then he sighs. "You ever do something where you know the whole time you're doing it that it's going to blow up in your face, and somehow that still doesn't stop you?"
"Yep," Hen says, remembering a dark little motel room and the sharp cut of Eva's smile. A whole damn pile of fuck-ups, that relationship was, and she dragged it along with her to almost ruin the best thing in her life.
"I keep thinking I see Shannon. It's like she's just around the corner, like if I turn around fast enough, she'll be there, and I'll be able to go back and make it right. But I can't."
"No. You can't."
"It's been five fucking years."
"No timeline on grief."
"I went on a date with a woman just because she looked like her." Hen raises her eyebrows at him. He slouches lower in his seat. "A couple of dates. It—didn't end well."
"Mm. You mean because she turned out to be a whole damn person who wasn't Shannon, or because your girlfriend found out?"
"Both," Eddie mutters. "Believe me, I already heard it from Buck."
"Oh, I believe it."
"But he's—" Eddie snaps his mouth shut.
"Kind of a hypocrite on this particular subject?" Hen offers.
"That's not what I was going to say. He's with Tommy now. So."
"So?"
"Never mind. It doesn't matter."
Hen would dearly love to interrogate that line of thinking, but she keeps her mouth shut. For a little while, they don't speak. It's a transient kind of peace; their next call could come at any minute. But for now, the city's as quiet as it ever is, lit up and beautiful in the distance.
Eventually, Eddie shifts in his chair, straightens up like he's bracing for something, then says, abruptly, "Can I ask you a personal question?"
Hen raises her eyebrows. "Go ahead."
"Have you ever been with a guy?"
"Excuse me?"
"Forget it," he says quickly, hunching in on himself again. "I don't even know why I asked. You can tell me to go to hell."
She almost does tell him to go to hell. Has her mouth open and everything. But then she takes another good look at his face and lets the words dissipate.
"No," she says finally. "Kissed a couple of boys in high school, but I pretty much always knew it wasn't for me."
"Oh." Eddie's mouth twists. He's still staring a hole in the concrete by his feet, and Hen wishes like hell that this was easier for him, that he could have stumbled into it with wide eyes and open arms without leaving a trail of wreckage in his wake. Buck managed it, but it's not like that for everyone. She knows that.
"Karen was engaged to a man, you know," she says, and she watches him still, watches him turn, finally, to look at her.
"I didn't know that."
"It was a long time ago. College sweetheart. She called it off a week before the wedding. Broke his damn heart, from what I hear. Probably better in the long run, though, all things considered."
Eddie laughs at that, a raw, horrible little sound. "I was a bad husband to Shannon. I loved her so much, and I still could never—and I always thought that maybe, if we'd just had more time, maybe I could have gotten it right, and we could have been a family again, and it would have been okay."
"But she died."
"She asked me for a divorce."
"Oh." Hen takes a breath, lets it out. Careful, careful. "I didn't know that."
"Nobody knows that. I mean. Bobby does. But nobody else. Because she died two days later, so I never had to—to tell anyone. I never had to admit it. I could keep pretending. But it doesn't even matter, because I've also fucked up every relationship I've been in since. So it's kind of obvious where the problem is."
"Mm. You know what my mama used to say?"
Eddie cuts her a look. "What?"
"Get down from that cross, we need the wood."
When he laughs this time, it sounds a little more real. Hen nudges her knee against his, and for a minute they sit there together in silence.
"I fucked up," he says again, but it's calmer.
"Yep."
"What the hell do I say to Buck?"
Not Marisol, Hen notes. Though the truth is she's pretty sure that whole relationship was dead and gone long before whatever went down this morning. Maybe from the very beginning. Eddie's just got a bad habit of dragging those corpses around. "Sorry might be a good start."
"He's gonna ask why. I don't have a good answer. I can't—" He looks over at her, and all Hen can think is that he looks so damn young. "I can't."
"So tell him that. You know he's not gonna push it."
"Yeah, he will."
"He's worried about you."
Eddie scoffs. "Yeah."
That was, Hen surmises what the fight was about in the first place. Unstoppable force, immovable object. Sometimes she wishes she could just knock their stubborn heads together until they showed some sense.
"He loves you," she says, and Eddie flinches.
"I know that," he mutters.
Hen sighs. "Just talk to him. You don't have to tell him anything you're not ready to tell him, but just—talk to him. Okay? For all our sakes."
"Yeah, okay," Eddie says, sounding defeated. "Sorry about that."
"We'll survive," Hen says. She bumps her knee against his again, and they sit there together in silence, watching the city lights, until the bell starts going off below.
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I typically go with Romantic which is just. So *oof*. Also, I can just picture it now. Dick asks Tim why he thought this was a good idea at all, why he didn't call someone for a ride and Tim simply replies, "I've been getting back to Gothem on my own like this for years. No need to bother you guys." and before he can even continue theres a chorus of "you aren't a bother" and "what the fuck do you mean?!"
Tim just takes a deep breath and says, "I've been getting back to Gothem on my own since before I was Robin so it was never a Robin or Batman issue, it's always been a Tim Drake thing." of course Bruce demands to know what Tim means by "getting back to Gothem on his own" and he just sighs as he sits on some grain, biting the bullet to just get it over with as he says, "sometimes when I went on trips with my parents they would get into arguments and leave in separate cars. And both of them would think the other one took me with them. And I always showed up at home safe and sound a few days later so they never really questioned it. Ha, first time was actually at a Gala in New York. I remember they were fighting about what dig site to go to and that night Mom got on a flight to Siberia while Dad got on a flight to The Congo. I snuck my little nine year old self onto a gray hound bus and rode it all the way to Gothem and then walked back to the manor."
Tim goes on to tell them about other times, somewhere between venting about his trauma and reminiscing about times he looks back on fondly. The fight that left him in Panama Beach when he was 11, the one that left him in Denver when he was 13, just 3 weeks before he became Robin, the one when he was 15 and was abandoned in Atlanta, the time when they left him somewhere in *Canada* and the time he was left in *Mexico City* when he was 14. He even laughs about having to sneak onto a cargo ship when his parents left him in Paris, France when he was 16. He comments that that one was actually a few weeks after he healed from the Titans Tower fight. Bruce and Jason are both totally not having a near panic attack about that last one.
Tim is living his life and forgetting that what he went through is probably fucked up. If it happened to another kid, he'd label that as criminal neglect. For himself? Meh.
(I know this is possible because, as someone who's been praised for being smart, I can be so fucking dumb. After explaining to my therapist that I've had anxiety attacks several years before and get anxious in social situations, I was shocked when she told me I had anxiety. Fucking dumb of me, but I bet Tim makes similar mistakes).
Just Tim vibing over all the "good times" he had and forgetting that it's fucked up his parents did that. He probably also felt really proud of himself for figuring it out. He was able to solve his issues and navigate complicated problems (like crossing borders without a passport) all by himself! Isn't that so cool!
The poor batfam is having heart attack after heart attack hearing all of this. It's another aspect of Tim that gets added to the piles of "things he hid from us without meaning to" and "why digging up the Drakes to revive and kill them again is a good idea" (Damian and Steph mainly are the ones to propose the second option).
I love the examples you proposed! Tim really was vibing
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I need to know if I’m alone in this or maybe missing something.
It always bothers me when people say Tim’s childhood was so much worse than Jason’s, or even says they’re the same kinda thing. Am I the only one in this?? (More specifically when they compare them) Like it feels like they’re minimizing Jason’s story to nothing, when it makes his character up as much as his death does. (I’ve even seen people compare Tim’s childhood to Jason’s death, which is. A choice.)
Granted, I’m not a big Tim fan (he’s a cool character, just not the one I focus on) so maybe I’ve missed some part of his canonical backstory or ive subconsciously got something against his character idk.
But from my understanding, Tim is a rich kid who was taken care of (as in, he always had what he needed), just his parents were neglectful? Or away? (Not to say this isn’t bad, of course wouldn’t wish that on a kid either)
But Jason’s lived surrounded by crime and poverty, hell we see panels where he’s hurt and generally not havin a great time.
And I’m fine with people making angst worse because like, favourite character. I’m sure I’m guilty of doing the same to Jason (fave character bias and whatnot) it’s just something that strikes me as odd. But hey, maybe I just don’t know about some canon panel that shows Tim’s childhood as a tragedy where he almost died countless times (another thing I’ve seen fans use)
So yeah. Generally, what do you think about this? I am not too great with character analysis & whatever else, but I like the stuff you’ve said in regards to characters. I know you’re a Jason fan, unsure about how you feel about Tim/how much you know, but curious about your opinion anyway. Thanks.
You are not alone, anon.
You’re also not missing anything in canon, Tim’s childhood was not a tragedy (his parents traveled a lot and he spent his time in boarding school). Were his parents on the neglectful side? Yes. Does that equate to being parentless and living on the street before the age of 12? No. I answered an Ask about Tim a little while ago explaining why I don’t really care much for Tim in the comics or a lot of fanfics. And I only ranted a little about how projecting Jason’s trauma onto Tim is Not. Cool. So maybe check that out.
As for my opinion on this … *takes a deep breath* Let me start by saying that everyone should like what they like, read what they want, write what they want, etc. No judgement or shame intended at all.
But … my opinion is that the enemy-to-caretaker trope is to blame for the over abundance of this dynamic in the fandom.
It seems like this trope grew out of/is a Gen take on enemies-to-lovers. I have absolutely no problem with this trope in general. In fact, I quite enjoy it in certain settings. But the thing is, lovers can be equals. But a caretaker, that has an inherent power imbalance to the relationship. A caretaker takes care of a person who is in some way weaker or less able than them.
So, to make Jason a caretaker for Tim, you somehow have to make Tim weaker, and with time and repetition that’s gotten amplified to much weaker.
The easiest way to do this is to jack up the angst and trauma of Tim’s origin story and increase his overall vulnerability. Because in reality, the inherent power imbalance between Jason and Tim is not that significant. Jason is only two years older than Tim. They’re both supposed to be badass vigilantes who can fight and solve crimes. Tim’s home life was loads more stable and supportive.
Play a few games of fanfic telephone, and all of a sudden you have a baseline of touch-starved Timmy who was made to sleep in a cupboard under the stairs as a wee little niblet and then Lazarus-mad Jason came along and tried to murder him repeatedly (nope), slit his throat (‘twas but a scratch), and generally traumatized him beyond repair (Tim is Robin, pretty sure he’s been beaten up before). 🤦♀️
That’s my opinion, anon! Thanks for the ask! 💙
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share your buddy dawn hcs pretty please..
OKAY, buddy hcs (or at least some of them, i am trying to be so normal you can’t imagine. this guy lives in my head rent free)
a lot of my hcs about buddy also involve his family, just because the family stratification that happens in southern evangelical families is SO fascinating to me.
SO: buddy is a southern grandma’s boy. if you’ve lived in the south you know this guy. his grandma helped raise him, he calls his grandma ‘mimi’ and, to his grandma, he’s essentially the second coming of christ, he can do NO wrong in her eyes. buddy and pamela dawn have the kind of enmeshed relationship that would simply blow your mind
as an addendum to this: buddy dawn calls his grandma ‘mimi’ and his grandpa ‘pawpaw.’ if you are his friend, the whole family will invite you to participate in this naming tradition. this will make you uncomfortable but there’s no way out of it without seeming rude (this is a struggle i know well as a yank living in the south)
on the topic of pamela dawn, i think she’s like such a Matriarch, at least as much as one can be in that kind of misogynistic social system. i think she clings to what power she can grab and is incredibly vindictive (but never direct) about it. i think she was probably just as enmeshed and close with buddy’s dad (think #boymom) and probably HATED buddy’s mom, regardless of how good of a mom/person she was
we don’t know a lot about buddy’s parents, but my vibe is that they’re dead. if they weren’t, it doesn’t make sense to me that they would let bobby and pamela move away with their son (there are other hcs i’ve heard on this topic that are equally interesting, such as buddy’s mom and dad having a different idea of sol/helio worship and being pushed out of the family). my vibe is that they died on a mission trip. this explains why bobby didn’t just revivify them, but it also adds to the themes of legacy and family name that buddy has to contend with. like imagine if your grandpa is The Sol Televangelist Of All Time and your parents were martyred on a mission to the mountains of chaos?? oh the crushing pressure of familial expectations (and helio didn’t even choose you as his chosen one)
buddy’s legal name is robert. this one has no real evidence (in fact i feel like it’s likely that there’s no more to his name, at least canonically, than just buddy), but it makes sense to me that a man like bobby dawn would be obsessed with passing down his name and legacy. so i think it’s likely that his dad was also named robert (maybe called robbie or rob)
OR
buddy’s name is specifically NOT robert, and that’s exactly why he got the nickname buddy. this hc is a bit more convoluted, but here’s the gist: imagine buddy’s mom didn’t name him robert despite all the familial pressure to do so. of course there’s nothing bobby or pamela can really do, but they can give this kid a nickname that’ll stick for the rest of his life. plus, buddy has always seemed like a kind of condescending nickname to me and i think that would piss off his mom even more (which tbf is what i think pamela’s goal would be). but, if buddy’s legal name isn’t robert, i don’t have any super strong contenders for what his legal name would be
(i could get into a whole thing about hcs i have about his parents good god)
i think buddy grew up listening to his grandparents' old records! this means he was raised on old gospel and old country and that’s still the majority of his music taste (it doesn’t help that he’s not allowed access to most tech, especially tech from solace, so the influences he’s pulling from are relatively limited)
this is already. so. long. so i’m going to stop myself now lmao. but thank you for asking!!!!! i ALWAYS have thoughts about this fucking guy so thank you for the ask!!!!!!
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Can I politely ask you to elaborate on the Aroace Nene fic you talked about some time ago? Or just simply how you see her in your brain after finding out she's aroace? If it's not much to ask, of course
OMG YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! absolutely. i will ramble about aroace literally anybody on the drop of a dime this is one of the best anons to get actually
nene's story is actually the one i have the least about, to be perfectly honest. i have a plot for both emu and tsukasa's stories, but haven't quite figured out one for nene. honestly, i think nene's the type of aroace to not really... care about it that much. she'd never cared about love or romance to begin with, so when she realized it was because she was aroace, it was mostly like "hm. cool. im gonna go play animal crossing now".
as for finding out... i think it would have happened in middle school, back when she was Online Gamer Nene TM full time. with how much she loves games and storytelling, it really only makes sense she'd want to engage with fandom content like fics. however, just... seeing the way people sexualize her favorite characters, or only write/draw shipping content... she didn't care for it. she didn't want to engage with that. not that there was anything wrong with it! people can do whatever they want with fictional game characters. she just. didnt care about it herself. which led to her feeling even more isolated even within her favorite hobbies. i think this would sort of lead her to playing a variety of games so she doesn't have to worry about getting absorbed in fandoms she doesn't care to be a part of. she still checks, every once in a while. for games that she really likes. i think its through this that she eventually stumbles across a popular aroace headcannon, goes "what", googles it, and is like "wow. thats me. sick". and then moves on
but like. even when she's moved on. it's still really nice to know, yknow? it explains why she felt like the odd one out not wanting to ship stuff, or even care to entertain it. there's people out there just like her. it makes her less anxious, a little more sure of herself.
she doesn't ever tell anyone. not even rui. (i mean, they hadn't talked in ages. how is she supposed to? "hi, we havent had a genuine conversation in years, how are you? by the way i discovered im aroace and you probably don't know what that means and honestly i dont really care about it myself. have a good day".) (and once they do start talking again, it just... never came up. she never felt the need to, and he never felt the need to ask.) until my epilouge chapter where they all end up coming out like WHAT WERE ALL AROACE THATS SO SILLY anyways
in casual life, i think nene would have been the type for adults to go "oooh, you have a crush on him, don't you? look at you, all red and shy just thinking about him" when shes simply Just Like That. it was really annoying. she knew she didn't like them like that and that was that. but shes too scared to say that so she just took it. definitely didn't help the "nene needs to learn how to make friends" department. honestly, her only relief from it was with rui- both her parents and the kamishiro parents recognized that the two really did care about each other, but it wasn't like that. also no way in hell they're ruining the one friendship their kids have.
later with emu, i don't think there was any point where people even considered a romance, at least not at first glance. it wasn't like people at school even knew about emu (minus when she snuck in, but why would this hyperactive pink thing be looking for that shy second year?). and people walking the streets didn't really assume they liked each other like that since they were two girls. nene's mom was a little curious if they were dating since emu comes over so often and is so physically affectionate, but she never really pressed. she was mostly just happy nene has friends over that aren't just rui. (also, emu's aroace too, so nothing in her demeanor even made nene consider it could have been romantic. shes just Emu.)
for tsukasa, it's a similar thing. by the time people have realized the two are friends, nene's confident in herself and her feelings enough to shut down the people who would even dare assume she likes a buffoon like that star in that way. there's those people that go "oh but you're mean to him and girls are mean to boys when they have a crush on them" but she's tough enough to go "ew" and move on. (she did complain about it a little to rui on a walk home once. if he ended up in her classroom the next day to "grab her for lunch" and weaponize his dangerous reputation to intimidate them when she wasn't looking, it was sheer coincidence.)
also, i think out of the four, nene falls most on the loveless scale. tsukasa, emu, and rui are all beings made of love despite the fact they don't fall in it. nene's a bit different. she cares about her friends, and she's super good at making them (despite what she thinks), but she doesn't really... love them. not in the ways people usually want to describe love. she would kill a man for them in a heartbeat, don't get me wrong. she just experiences those sorts of feelings differently. it's care, and determination, and hope, and happiness, but not... love. not completely.
anyways aroace gamer nene so real fic will happen once i figure out how to tie these ideas to a plot 👍
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Okay that other anon made me think and wonder. When would Neji most likely go to therapy, like how much pushing would it take and what age would his pup be when he broke and goes 'fine! I'll go to therapy... Not like I need it but okay'?
Cause if it's an age where they process things better so like age 3? 4? Would they know their alpha parent much? Because with how you write the alpha in that's scenario it makes me think that they'd be out of the house more so they didn't have to deal with Neji's... Nejiness... Like either at work, the support group, therapy anything like that but just not at home.
Also makes me wonder, how would the pup react to their alpha parent barely popping in or doing anything with them because anything they had previously done with the kid was judged by Neji or Neji took the kid from the alpha because they weren't doing it right. Cause I mentioned this before, but they would probably get really disheartened, I mean anyone would, and spend less time with their pup and any time they did spend at home begging Neji to go to therapy to try and get over this hurdle.
But how would Neji react to all that? Either before therapy Neji or after therapy Neji. All this just like interests me so I like to ramble and share my thoughts, whether or not said thoughts are wrong -3-
-🌹
Neji would be in therapy pretty fast imo. He's suffering from something that means he can't function at all, so he gives in pretty quickly, I'd say before the pup is six months old.
@omeganronpa brought up the idea of Kiba being the one to convince Neji into going to therapy and taking walks and stuff, and I love that headcanon.
Kiba is a friend and fellow omega, and therefore not a threat, but he's also likely to either be pregnant himself or carrying a newborn pup, so Neji doesn't read him as a threat to his baby, which means Kiba can get close to Neji and form a support system for him.
And Neji never stops his alpha from being around his pup, he more so forbids his pup from leaving his sight. Annoying, yes, and probably a hurtful lack of trust, but not quite the same thing as banning the alpha contact. His alpha is the only one allowed to watch the pup when Neji's body gives in and he's forced to sleep.
With therapy, Neji is originally resistant, but once Kiba starts helping him, once alpha convinces him that he'd be a better parent if he went, and once Neji is assured that he can bring his baby with him, then he caves. He eventually has medication too, which helps him a bunch.
So yeah, I hope that explains it more! And yeah, it's a super interesting thing to think about!
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thinking about a no upside down au steddie fic where steve and eddie run into each other years after moving away from hawkins, and eddie remembers steve and his fall from grace as king, and is kind of intrigued to see what kind of person he is now
and steve doesn’t remember him at all at first, because, look, eddie changed his hair again, and steve’s had a few head injuries (no upside down but i imagine he still went thru some shit with the party and with robin), and he didn’t really think about eddie in high school anyway, and he’s trying to forget about hawkins as much as possible (besides the kiddos, but they’re all moved out for college now, anyway) (obviously he lives with robin)
but steve is different now, happier, more open, flirts with guys, flirts with EDDIE, and eddie….. well, he wants to know more! and he tells steve he knows him from hawkins, and steve’s sunny little smile flickers a little, but he just apologizes for not remembering him and mentions he has some memory problems
and they get to know each other, and eventually as eddie tells him more (and maybe with the help of some yearbooks) steve remembers eddie. and. well. they like getting to know each other. and they like each other. and then they get together
eventually they’ve been together for a while, and eddie thinks he wants to maybe introduce steve to wayne, and he mentions he’s going to go back to hawkins for a long weekend (as he’s done a couple times) and this time he’d like steve to join him
and again steve’s sunny smile flickers a bit, but he says he’d love to meet eddie’s uncle, and… they go to hawkins. and it goes well— meeting wayne, at least, but steve seems a little on edge the whole time they’re there, tense when they drive in, fidgety when they go to the grocery store, et cetera. eddie thinks maybe steve is nervous about staying with the man who raised eddie, which is ridiculous, because wayne LOVES steve.
it’s not til they leave the town altogether that steve relaxes, and eddie realizes it wasn’t “meeting the parents” but rather going back to hawkins. and speaking of meeting the parents, steve didn’t ever bring his own up, even though eddie knew they still lived in hawkins. and the way steve glanced around whenever they went in public, like he was scared of getting recognized
and he asks about it, and steve doesn’t really want to talk about it, but he gives eddie snippets of it. people he wanted to leave behind in hawkins, memories that resurfaced, things he wants to forget
eddie goes back to see wayne sometimes, and the first time he doesn’t know whether to ask steve to come, so he just mentions he’s thinking about going to hawkins for some weekend and steve immediately starts making plans with him as if the invite is implicit. they go back to hawkins several more times, steve still tense and pent up the whole time they’re there
over time steve reveals more and more to eddie. everything that made hawkins hell for him, from the things he himself did in high school to the things people did to him. stuff tommy and carol and billy said to him. some of it is just typical high school bullshit (and oh, the nancy thing.) some of it is the tragedies steve went through, the horrors he had to protect his kids from. the injuries he sustained. more generally the homophobia that permeated the whole town, keeping steve from being himself. the lack of support in the indiana public school system for a high school senior who’s had two concussions and gone through incredible trauma.
his parents. the reason why steve’s mail is addressed to ‘steve buckley’ now, not ‘steve harrington’.
(that doesn’t come out until much, much later, and eddie is kicking himself for ever suggesting steve come back to hawkins.)
eddie, who hardly had an easy time of it in hawkins, is absolutely blown away by what steve had gone through in the same town, right under his nose. the entire persona that steve was trying to leave behind — the cool as a cucumber, unaffected, douchey mask he wore to hide all that he had endured. the head injuries. the emotional tragedies he had gone through. the way he had to be the rock for the kids even as he went through the same things as them.
he tries to tell steve they never have to go back to hawkins again, and steve is having none of it. he tells steve wayne can come visit them in their new city, and steve thinks that’s completely unfair to the man who had raised eddie, seriously, you’re going to make him come all the way up here?
and well i don’t know exactly what the ending is but steve is so stubborn about trying to love hawkins because it was eddie’s home and he wants to be able to go see wayne because wayne deserves to see his kid and eddie deserves to see his uncle and steve doesn’t want to be the problem :(
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