#but for everyone also guessing that this is the first time bdubs is realizing a human can be in a relationship with an android:

[shepscapades]

[Part 1] [Part 2] [PART 3]

Xbralis as the first canon dbhc pairing with the steel chair!

[gtwscratch]

I JUST HAD A REALLY COOL IDEA FOR AN AU BASED ON THE NEW WILD LIFE EPISODE. HEAVY(?) ANGST UP AHEAD AND ALSO SPOILERS TO SESSION 7 SO BE WARNED!

LIFE SERIES MEMBERS BUT THEY GOT THEIR POWERS FROM LAB EXPERIMENTATION!!!!!

Okay I'm switching to lowercase so I'm not just screaming at you guys haha

[EDIT] Guess who’s fully elaborating on this AU with Subject files and a fic? :3

Project X Master Post

===============================

Imagine Martyn curled up in the corner of his cell, covering his ears bc he doesn't know how to block things out and everything is so loud.

Imagine Scott transforming from an aquatic creature back to his regular form, but he still has gills, and he panics when he can't breathe.

Imagine Jimmy turning in invisible for the first time and not knowing how to turn back, and he thinks he's stuck that way forever.

Imagine Ren transforming the first few times, but there's always something off about him. He looks eerie, like something from uncanny valley.

Imagine Scar not knowing his own strength and jokingly punching Mumbo, only to send him flying into the wall and causing his death.

Imagine Cleo trying so hard to get Mumbo and Skizz to act the way that they used to when she summons them, but it's never truly them. Something is always wrong.

Imagine BigB being terrified when he summons the creaking for the first time, not realizing they're on his side and thinking they'll attack him.

Imagine Gem astral projecting as an escapism, talking to Mumbo and Skizz and "leaving" the facility, but she can't truly leave.

Imagine Impulse and Tango nearly getting to escape with their powers, their friends cheering them on from inside their cells, and just when they're in the clear, Impulse gets tranquilized and falls unconscious. Tango can't bare to leave his buddy behind. They both get collars that block their abilities and heavy monitoring after that stunt.

Lizzie feels bad about her power. She's tried to escape as well, but when she realized the blindness affected her friends, it freaked her out so much that security was able to catch up to her and take her back to her cell.

Imagine Bdubs sleeping diligently through every night and dealing with nightmares of the hell they've all been put through so his friends don't.

Imagine Pearl wishing she could fly out in the open air, desperate for that kind of freedom that she knows she will never have.

Imagine Etho trying to bring down his mace to pretend to hit Bdubs, and when he move to the side to dodge, it actually puts him in the way of Etho's strike. The absolute terror that fills Etho is so bad that he never jokes like that again, even if it barely hurt him.

Imagine Joel looking around and analyzing the rooms, thinking of how he could scale the walls with his ability to escape through an air vent, but he can never bring himself to do it because he refuses to leave Lizzie.

Imagine Grian being physically and emotionally strained trying to learn everyone's powers and how to properly use them, wishing he just had one of his own instead.

Imagine Skizz and Mumbo both dying (Skizz due to the intense tests and Mumbo due to the effects the testing had on Scar) before they had a chance to gain powers of their own. Don't imagine those powers being just what the group needs to escape.

===============================

I think I might write each of these as a one shot. That would certainly be a LOT of fun :) lmk what you guys think please!

[epicfranb]

Re: describe the female character or anvil falls on thee

Vent about AnXiEtY DisOrDeR under cut

Not rereading that so there may be stupid autocorrect typos

There was a time i made only female characters and struggled to make male ones. All of them had different personalities, as good as a 10 year old could make them. Moved on to making male and non-binary (not realizing they're non-binary yet) a whole lot later.

My problem here is that, while there are female mcyts i like... I'm just not into them as much as Etho and Bdubs. It goes for literally every other mcyt as well. In my dsmp era, there just weren't creators that caught my interest; i really liked Aimsey and Crumb, but i could not for the life of me stay on stream for as long as Tubbo's streams, and after a while i stopped forcing myself because what fun is it, forcing yourself to watch a steamer for some sense of moral goodness? If anything, i think watching a female streamer for the sake of watching a female streamer is actually worse than being honest in saying "there just aren't any that i enjoy" cuz it's true that there are less of them, and/or they are less popular, so you're less likely to come across one you like.

Hermitcraft/Life Series/Empires/whatever is the first time there are female mcyts that i can confidently say i enjoy a lot. Pearl, Cleo and Shelby in particular are my faves. But i watch each of them fairly casually. I probably couldn't write an in-depth analysis of their character as well as i could ethubs. But that sort of goes for literally everyone else on those servers. The post doesn't talk about an analysis, i know, but when harsh wording like this comes up... Not only is it the situation where you're asked for something, and you immediately forget everything about it, it's also like being backed into a corner and forced to answer calmly. Oh AND a "don't think about X" situation where you're bound to think about X.

The post originally doesn't talk about mcyt tho. It's about characters. Last time i was fully into written characters was Kagepro, where admittedly i was also into 2 guys that i shipped the hell out of, to the point of shoving everyone else in the background. I could still write them fairly well - helps that there aren't real people behind them whose decisions often contradict, but also I'd say they're pretty simple characters once you break then down (i could talk a lot about kagepro). I particularly liked writing Ene for how much of a troll she is. Being nerdy about games and technology certainly helped.

Lastly, there's Winx which I am. Sort of? Into rn? Where all 6 of the main characters are girls and the male characters, each of their boyfriends (yeah all of them conveniently have boyfriends) are the one-dimensional guys with very little going in terms of their stories and personalities. But In Winx, their characters are very typical, so it's easy to describe them. All of them can be described as "she's A and B, but also C and D" They're not bad characters, they're certainly not one-dimensional, but they are very simple.

So, what do i want to say with this? I guess this could be called sort of a vent. The deal with those kinds of posts is that i know they address a problem that exists. I know they're targeted at a specific type of person that exists. I know it's likely a rhetorical question just to bring to light how female characters are often treated. But this kind of post also makes me start looking within myself, even when i know I'm ok with writing female characters, i KNOW i don't have the problem being described!!! I'm not saying I'm free from misogyny, but this problem I KNOW i don't have. It makes me feel bad though when i don't want to describe a female character or when i fall flat on any description, whether it's cuz i just don't want to or because I'm not in right mood. Idk, it's just something anxiety does where it makes me question myself.

Tldr I agree with the message of the post but i don't like it because of the way it affects me personally.

[owtenen]

Kill Me

Jimmy has 7 minutes left. Bdubs makes a decision.

OR

i cannot believe this isn't scripted.

_____

Bdubs could hear the chaos from the rock.

The ground must have been shaking, the fireworks lighting up the night sky and the screaming was all too much for his sensed, and he stopped to take a moment and breath, pressing his hands to his ears and drowning out the sounds.

He heard Etho run past, but he was too busy trying not to have a panic attack to really see him. He should look up, he should ready his shield, he should ask if everyones okay.

He could also just stand here, hands to his ears and eyes screwed shut. If he stayed here for long enough, maybe it would all go away. Maybe he would be back on Hermitcraft with his friends, or laughing with Scar while they built the tower. Maybe he could go back to the snow fort, where Etho was teasing him about stairs and chests.

Maybe he could be happy.

Another loud boom rocked Bdubs off his feet and into the cliff side, he felt his hand graze along the sharp rock, and felt the warmth of his own blood flow down his arm. This was no time for daydreaming, this was war. He checked his watch: he had time, but if he stood there too long he wouldn't.

He looked up at the remains of the Bread Bridge. It was weird that what was first built as a trap now became a safe haven for the Clockers. They used it to cross safely across the forest, to visit their best alliance. He stepped up onto it, immediately feeling safer than he felt down on the ground with everyone screaming.

He looked up at his tower, there was a massive hole in the side from when Skizz, Impulse, and Tango blew it up. He thought about them for a few moments, wondering for a brief moment how his best friends had turned into his worst enemies.

Because of himself, he realized. Because his actions of betrayal made him untrustworthy.

He turned to look away from the tower feeling guilty, walking further down the bridge towards the mansion. When he looked up he saw Etho looking down, his eyes were wide with adrenaline, and Bdubs has seen that look enough to know when someone was recovering from the Boogie curse.

"Who did you get?" The question was simple enough, but Bdubs cringed when he noticed how emotionless the question was. Whoever Etho just killed was a friend, he shouldn't treat them like a game.

Etho took a few deep breaths before replying, "Jimmy...."

Bdubs only thought for a moment about the answer, before being pulled out of the momentary state of calmness by the insane amount of people suddenly next to him. I guess everyone down below had the same idea, the bridge was better than the rock.

He looked down the bridge to where Jimmy was tripping over himself, Joel was there too, and the fear in his eyes was evident even from where Bdubs was standing.

“You’ll be okay Jim-“ Joel’s panicked voice echoed down the bridge, and Bdubs zoned in to the conversation, “We’ll- we’ll kill someone. We’ll get your time back. I promise.”

Jimmy tripped and almost fell off the bridge, and Bdubs cringed at the panic that rose inside of him. Why would he care? It’s just Jimmy.

“I need Scott…” Jimmy was on the verge of tears, and the timer around his neck was flashing angry red. Bdubs stared at it, almost mesmerized.

“How much time do you have left?” It wasn’t even really him speaking, at least it didn’t sound like it. His voice was horse from the past hours of screaming, and the pain in his arm was causing little speckles to form in his vision. It was probably broken, he’d need to tell Cleo.

“7 minutes.” Jimmy’s eyes were wide and terrified, and Bdubs recognized it immediately.

He thought about Tango again, and how angry he had been when Bdubs killed him. It had been for his own survival, but Tango had felt betrayed. In the end, it ruined his friendship and he had payed the price for it time and time again.

He thought about Impulse too. How confused and horrified he was when Bdubs killed him all those lives ago. The feeling of regret he felt when he realized it was Impulse’s gift that had sealed his fate. He needed to win back then, and he would’ve done anything to do it.

He thought of Etho last. Etho and his ultimatums. Etho and his quid pro quo’s. He had wanted to kill Etho so bad. He wanted Etho to be red with him and destroy the world together. He wanted to hurt the one man he loved unconditionally so they could be together, and it made him sick to think about it.

“Kill me.” He couldn’t let Jimmy die here. He couldn’t let another one of his allies die when he could have saved them.

“What?” Jimmy loaded his bow, but his hands were shaking.

“Kill me!” Bdubs said louder, and he felt an arrow pierce through his shoulder. “Kill me!”

Another one went through his stomach, and that’s when he blacked out.

When he woke up back on the rock, the chaos hadn’t died down. The voices were still relentless against his ears and his senses were still overloaded. But despite it all, he smiled.

It might not be enough to resolve all his guilt. But he sure did make a start.

———

gonna throw up and then go back to studying bdubs under a microscope

[victoria1676]

It's been a while!

Anywyas, I just had this random idea of what if a bunch of hermits and the reader and rubedo were scattered all around Teyvat-

Grian, Scar, Reader and Rubedo are in Liyue and are having a FUN TIME. (Scar somehow became incredibly rich and somehow is getting away with cons and avoiding getting arrested while Grian can't handle taking care of him while )

Jevin is in a village being terrorized because he is a sentient slime and people are afraid of him. (Xiangling saw him and said "YUM")

TFC is in the Chasm, scaring literally everyone on why is there an old man really deep in the Chasm.

Iskall, Stress, Bdubs and Keralis all end up somewhere in Monstadt. Iskall and stress somehow gain cottagecore life and Stress adopted Fischl, Bennett and Razor by accident.

Mumbo and Etho are in Fontaine most likely breaking the law somehow die to his redstone.

Gem and Pearl are in Inazuma having a really nice time... probably... (In this context Traveller hasn't gone to Inazuma)

Cubfan is in the desert and made a deal with Dori (since he literally has items that aren't from Teyvat and Dori wants to exploit that) and confusing the Eremites as he casually collects sand. (Don't ask why)

Doc and Ren are in Natlan arming the natives (again don't ask)

I forgot the other hermits but Tango is in Snezhnaya with False who is very sus of the Fatui. And Vintage beef and someone else is in Enkanomiya but I don't remember.

Lastly, Xisuma woke up and is trying to find his hermits while being accompanied by none other than Dainsleif. Who apparently is going to have to help him since the whole other world thing.

Meanwhile, Reader and Rubedo are going to have a breakdown trying to find so many hermits. (I feel bad for them but I also want to see them suffer :))

ANYWYAS I hope you have a wonderful day and if you don't like this please ignore it with your life.

Love, That one Hermit Fan Anon (after months)

YOOOO OMG ITS BEEN SO LONG!! Had a huge burnout which is why I haven't answered any asks or continue my stories that I seriously need to publish 😭😭😭

The fact I haven't continue watching Season 6,7 and 9 of Hermitcraft on Grian's pov was due to being busy with school and now i missed it 😭

Honestly Reader and Rubedo wouldn't break down cause I imagine them to be worried and also work together to form a plan to find the others as so far they were able to find the rest of the gang on Sumeru and Mondstadt.

I would imagine them appearing in Dragonspine and reader be confused why Rubedo looked pale when he realized where they just found themselves in. Honestly I can also imagine Rubedo doing his best not to make reader meet Albedo and the other people in Dragonspine.

but the rest of your ideas of where the others landed

Amazing the fact I can imagine it happening HAHAHAHHAHA

I do also feel like the duo would find their members In Mondstadt and Liyue easily but both be debating which region they should go first to find the rest of the gang

Legit back n forth Reader and Rubedo be arguing that they should go to Mondstadt but Rubedo refuses as he does not want to meet Albedo and suggested Liyue but reader insisted Mondstadt as it is the closest region they can go look for the others.

In the end reader just accepted they go to Liyue as they heard a rumor of Grian and Scar there (Considering Reader's very close to Grian who has adopted her as his kid while Rubedo is close with I guess depending on it could be Xisuma or Cleo 🤔 although Stress is also one of the candidates of being close with Rubedo)

Probably make the into not really a series but mostly like one shots of it since if it was a story I gotta world build meaning I have to research on how the Hermitcraft peeps are like 😭

but anyways I hope this is the answer your looking for and sorry if it wasn't much 😭 I finally able to answer after having so many irl stuff to do 😭😭 including the burnout I keep getting 🫠

[redorich]

to those who carried on

A fic for @petrichormeraki​ and their Hermit!Tommy AU.

-------

The hermits know Tommy as a quiet young man who is very sad and contemplative. The more time they spend with him (against his will, but they know he needs the company) the more they learn of the little details. His favorite block is cobblestone, he likes building towers, and apparently his favorite woman is the Queen. They don’t ask why he wears a smiley mask even though he never seems happy. They don’t ask why he hides important things in his ender chest. They don’t ask why he wears a shattered compass on a chain about his neck.

(Once, he died in lava and lost his absolute mind. He was so upset about the compass that he didn’t even mention the stack and a half of diamond ore he had on him. Xisuma ended up manually rolling back the server just so Tommy could have it back.)

As time goes on, the tremors in Tommy's hands grow lesser. His dull blond hair seems a bit brighter, his bruises fade quicker, he doesn’t look quite so skinny-- he spends his time serenely building, resource gathering instead of running and fighting. He has a sense of humor under all that trauma, which the hermits unfortunately find out after another massive-scale prank war thought to be instigated by Grian actually turns out to be Tommy's fault.

Tommy starts swearing more. Doc gets the stink eye from Stress for this, but Doc insists he’s never once sworn around the young man. (That’s an absolute lie, but it wasn’t anything Tommy hadn’t heard before. Tommy thinks Doc is remarkably unoriginal in his cursing. He does take note of the German ones, though.)

Inviting Tommy to PvP minigames can be touchy, they learn. He likes to fight, but he fights like an animal with nothing to lose. Grian once chanted, “It stays in the pit!” and everyone present had to spend the next five minutes wrangling Tommy’s soul back into his body from wherever it’d floated off to.

Tommy likes to glide with his elytra. He claims he’s never had one before, but he flies like such a natural that a few people have their doubts. On a dark desert night, with dark blue eyes watching the night sky, he confides to Cub that it reminds him of the way his dad used to fly. He hates rockets, though. He does not confide to Cub that it reminds him of what his brother did to his best friend. He says enough that Cub can guess, though.

Scar gets fed up with Tommy’s creeper holes and makes Tommy help him fix them. At first, Tommy has no clue why Scar is breaking out things like coarse dirt and birch leaves and making the ground all fancy, but he’s not afraid of a little hard work and Scar makes it fun. He learns a lot about terraforming that day, and awkwardly comes back a few days later asking if Scar needs any more help terraforming. Tommy still hasn’t built a real base, not by Hermitcraft standards, but the small hill he’s built his dirt hut near now has a very beautiful, if amateurish, waterfall. He doesn’t tell Scar about this, but Scar finds out anyway. Tommy wakes up one morning to find that someone has left a shulker box in his house. Instead of iron-gripped paranoia, he just feels wonder that someone would give him a gift-- to the hermits, a single shulker box is nothing. To Tommy, it’s everything.

The shulker box contains coarse dirt, birch leaves, and a silk touch shovel.

Tommy helps Xisuma mine a giant hole in the ground near bedrock, because he realizes that he’s never thanked the admin for getting him his compass back. Well, that and the fact that instamining with a haste two beacon and an efficiency five pickaxe is a novelty. Xisuma lets him keep the cobble, since everyone knows it’s Tommy’s favorite block, but also insists he keep some of the other blocks like andesite and diorite. He pats Tommy on the head and tells him to talk to Bdubs about building a house some time. Tommy nods. He's taken aback by how tall Xisuma is, completely contrasting his mild nature. He reminds Tommy of Wilbur, on one of his good days before... Before. Not Ghostbur, though-- the admin is much too alive.

Tommy waits too long, so eventually Bdubs comes to him. The man is silly and outrageous, playing everything for laughs and unexpectedly tender. Bdubs plays up how beautiful he thinks Tommy’s hideous dirt shack is, then offers to help him build a house that’s better. For Tommy, building a house means settling down, accepting that this is his home now. Bdubs doesn’t know this. Tommy builds cobblestone dicks while Bdubs tries to lecture him about depth and block variation. Nothing gets done and Bdubs feels like he might have failed, but come next week Bdubs is flying over the area and sees the dicks are gone; so is the dirt house. In its place is a spruce-and-cobble cottage nestled near the tiny waterfall. Off to the side, he’s made a cozy doghouse for his fox, Theo. Bdubs doesn’t know how close that fox came to being named Fundy.

He spars with False, and she very pointedly does not mention how his stances are uniquely suited to a piglin. There’s only one renowned fighter who’s a piglin, after all. It's Tommy’s story to tell, if he ever does, why he’s seen enough of the legendary Technoblade’s fights to pick up on his stances, yet he’s not experienced enough to know that they don’t suit him. Instead, False gives him different stances suited more for tall, skinny people like the two of them. She’s got blond hair and blue eyes just like him. (Not that she’d know. She’s never seen his eyes, hidden behind his mask as they are.) Every now and then, he imagines her as an older sister, and the one time he says so, she smiles. When Tommy’s at home, looking at his own distorted reflection in his waterfall (he’s improved it since he built it), he muses that their eyes aren’t the same, their hair colors are subtly off. It’s close enough, he thinks.

Stress dies from fall damage and Tommy goes out of his way to pick up her stuff, because the hermits do these things out of the kindness of their hearts. The thought never even crosses their minds to steal. It crosses his mind. He doesn’t do it. Stealing from Stress would be like stealing from Niki.

He shows up at Cleo’s base unannounced and demands to see the “cool shit”. He is appropriately enthused by the giant armor-stand-bugs. She tries teaching him her armor stand magic, but it doesn’t really sink in. It’s okay, she assures him, most people don’t have the knack for it. He does, however, learn that buttons make excellent decorations. He also learns how to braid hair, bribed by ice cream. He is terrible at it, to the point where Joe has to come by to help the two untangle her hair so Tommy can start again. Watching the two bicker over capitalism and six million armor stands and a whole host of other inside jokes he doesn’t get, he thinks he’s starting to understand what friendship is supposed to be like. Joe and Cleo don’t see him clutching his compass. He and Tubbo weren’t too far off from this, given their circumstances. Maybe...

Maybe Tubbo can be forgiven.

Tommy makes minigames of his own, ones that don’t just kill you and steal your stuff. He builds things that are pretty instead of just functional, brews potions with Stress and only calls them drugs once (again, upsetting her is like upsetting Niki. Best not done), and sets up chicken bombs above people’s bases instead of just lavacasting them. (As Grian saw the hundreds of chickens slowly raining down upon his mansion, he got such a peculiar look on his face that Tommy feared he’d fucked up. The shorter, stronger (much stronger oh god why is he so strong despite being so small) man nearly crushed Tommy’s lungs in a hug, proclaiming how proud he was of Tommy. Tommy was proud of himself for not accidentally murdering Grian out of reflex. Was this what healing was like?)

Yes. It is what healing is like. Tommy knows this because that wound gets ripped open again. Tango shows him how to build the most obnoxious redstone-powered noise machine the two can think of. Tango digs a small pit, and asks Tommy to throw down his axe. Suddenly, Tommy’s in Logstedshire again; it’s not Tango asking, it’s Dream. His hands don’t shake when he tosses his axe into the pit, followed by his sword and his armor. It isn't until he’s placed the TNT down that Tango grabs his wrist and asks him what he’s doing. Tommy’s eyes clear enough that he can see past the blond hair and freckles. Tango isn’t green, he’s red. He's shorter than Dream, and his worried eyes are unhidden. Tommy shudders, then tells Tango everything.

Tango has no pity for Tommy, just understanding and sympathy. He doesn’t push Tommy to talk about it, but when Tommy’s done telling his story, Impulse and Zedaph show up. They all pretend that Tommy’s voice isn’t hoarse, that they all didn’t conveniently happen to look away when Tommy took off his mask just long enough to wipe his eyes. The men bake a cake together, fool around with honey blocks, and don’t talk about it.

Tommy knows very little about redstone, considers himself more of a builder and a fighter than an engineer. Still, Mumbo’s living base is inspiring, and Tommy often hangs around the man’s industrial district just to watch Mumbo work. Mumbo knows that Tommy hasn’t purchased a day pass, but it’s nice having someone around to talk to while he works. It’s not like Tommy is stealing anything. (Tommy totally steals from Mumbo’s industrial district storage system. The man’s farms are so efficient that he doesn’t even notice, so Tommy assumes it’s fine. What Mumbo doesn’t know won’t hurt him.)

Lava still isn’t his favorite thing in the world. He stays far away from it, instead of imagining what it would be like to hurtle towards it. Ren doesn’t really notice this, but he does notice that Tommy doesn’t seem to like his mustafarian base. On a spur-of-the-moment whim, Ren whips up some absurd plotline in which he is a lone weary traveller seeking refuge at Tommy’s base from strange alien overlords. The two have fun together, and the young man cracks more absurd jokes about it than the hermits have ever seen him do. When Ren leaves a week later to return to his own base, Tommy keeps being absurd, if a bit more subdued without someone to play off of. He builds a shrine to the “prime log”, which grows more elaborate each day. Beef and xB pretend to be his acolytes, despite having no clue what a “twitch prime” is.

They can’t see his face, but the smile in his voice is a far cry from the despondency he once wore like a heavy cloak. He is so much more animated and alive, full of motivation. He builds an entire island in three days, and hand-delivers an invitation to each and every hermit for his beach party. Everyone shows up, even those with packed schedules (Iskall) and those with introverted tendencies (Etho). Tommy is nearly moved to tears when they show up in groups of twos and threes, as though he hadn’t expected anyone to come. There aren’t enough chairs for everyone, but there is more than enough cake to go around. Tango brings drinks, Impulse brings meat to barbecue, and Zedaph makes an elaborate jump-powered grill. Keralis brings way too much confetti and several handfuls of cheap, obnoxious party noisemakers. Stress brings Tommy a crown made out of alliums. It shines far less than his brother’s gold crown, and it’ll die in a few days, but he wears it all night and keeps it in his ender chest until it withers away.

He spends five days teaching himself to make flower crowns. Even his best attempt is awful, nowhere near as pretty as the crowns Stress makes, but when he gives it to her, she takes off the one she was wearing and wears his until it falls apart.

He dies fighting a creeper on Grian’s behalf, and doesn’t even panic, because he trusts that however many times he dies, no matter how stupid or ignominious or revolutionary or important, Xisuma will always let him respawn.

He spends a grand total of nine diamonds to buy a single plot of land in the shopping district. He builds a cute little bench facing the sunset, with warmly glowing street lights on either side and a small garden. At the end of the bench he places a jukebox, and buys every single disc that Beef’s music shop sells, including Pigstep. He sits on the bench while Mellohi plays and watches the tiny silhouettes of his friends flying in the evening sky. Tommy looks alone on that bench, even if he seems happy, so sometimes other people stop by to sit with him. Scar declares the bench area a public park, since everyone likes it so much, and refunds Tommy his nine diamonds straight from the throne.

[c-r-ash-crash]

Grian awoke to bright sunlight and warm summer air. He stretched languidly, noticing there was soft grass beneath him. Distantly, he wondered if he had fallen asleep in front of his main base. Oh well, wouldn’t be the first time. He rolled over and tried to fall back asleep. Then, with a start, he realized he couldn’t hear the sounds of parrots or goats, or any other sounds that usually filled boatem.

He opened his eyes, blearily, sitting up to look around. He was in a small field, a copse of trees off to the right and a bedrock platform embedded into the ground a few feet in front of him. An enchanter sat in the very center, but otherwise, the area was empty. Where was he? “No idea,” a familiar voice said. He glanced up to see Ren standing on the opposite side of the bedrock platform.

He whirled around and noticed that he was part of a circle of players surrounding the bedrock platform. He could see Scar, Impulse, Martyn, Jimmy, Scott, Cleo, Bdubs, Etho, Tango, Joel, BigB, and Skizz. And of course, there was him and Ren.

Scott swore under his breath. “Grian, I thought you said you shut down the server!” Grian’s brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?” Then he realized what Scott meant. Everyone here had also been on...instinctively, Grian glanced down at his wrist to check how many lives he had. “Don’t be red. Don’t be red,” he begged. Instead the skin on the inside of his wrist was blank. “We don’t have lives,” Grian said, almost stupidly. There was a scramble as everyone checked their own wrists. Theirs too were blank. No one knew whether to be relieved or scared.

“Slightly more important thing right now,” Bdubs said. “Scott’s right, Grian. You said you shut this server down. How are we back?” “I don’t know,” Grian said, frantically wracking his brain for anyway things could have gone wrong. He came up blank. “I don’t know,” he repeated. “I shut it down. Guys, I swear, I shut the server down. We shouldn’t be here.” “Except this isn’t the same server,” Etho said, startling everybody. “Look. We’re at spawn. And last I remember, there wasn’t bedrock at spawn. Or an enchanter for that matter. And all the biomes are completely different.” “He’s right,” Jimmy said. “This isn’t the same place.”

“Where are we then?” Tango asked. No one had an answer, but in his heart, Grian knew. The first time around, the universe had wanted a game. And now, it wanted a second round. He could tell by the looks in everyone’s eyes that they were thinking the same.

“What do we do?” Ren asked, ears pressed flat against his head. “We...we could stay together,” Impulse suggested timidly. “Rich coming from you,” Martyn muttered under his breath. Everyone chose to ignore him. “I mean, we don’t have lives anymore,” BigB said. “It might not be the worst idea.” “Don’t jinx it,” Cleo grumbled. “Knowing how the universe works, this round’ll be a lot more twisted than the last time. I wouldn’t bet on not having lives. This stupid server is probably just keeping us in suspense. More fun that way. For all we know, we’ll have even fewer lives to start with.” “Cleo’s got a point,” Tango said. “It might make more sense to split up for now.” Everyone nodded in agreement.

“Okay, can someone please explain what the heck is going on?” a new voice broke in. Grian whirled around to see Lizzie, Pearl, and Mumbo standing at the edge of the group. “Oh no,” he muttered under his breath. “Not you. Please not you.” “Lizzie,” Joel whispered. “No, no, no, no, no. Please. Not her.” Grian turned to face the heavens and recited every swear word he knew, cursing the universe for making him live this nightmare again, cursing it for taking his friends as sacrifices.

“Griba, what’s going on?” Pearl said firmly. For a moment, no one said anything. Then, Scar said quietly, “Pearl, Mumbo, remember that server I told you about? The one where everyone only had three lives?” Pearl and Mumbo nodded slowly, then their eyes widened in horror as they realized what Scar meant. “Surely...” Mumbo swallowed. “You can’t mean that’s what this place is, can you?” The grim looks on everyone’s faces said enough. “Oh, no,” Lizzie murmured. “I’m going to get us out of here,” Grian said, voice shaking more than he cared to admit. “I promise. For now, we need to get far, far away from each other.”

The veteran members murmured their assent. Then, as if one, they turned heel, and began walking in the opposite direction. After a moment, Lizzie, Pearl, and Mumbo followed suit.

Grian had been exploring the server, looking for a place to set up camp when a small chime reverberated through his skull. He stopped dead in his tracks. Words floated in front of his eyes. “You have...” They hovered there for a moment, but then with another chime, they changed to read: “2 lives.” Grian pulled back the sleeve of his sweater to see two yellow hearts tattooed onto his wrist. “...Crap.”

Scar had just finished climbing a tree, when he heard the chime. “You have...” the text read. “6 lives.” Scar’s brow furrowed. He should have only had three lives. How had he ended up with double that amount. Not that he was complaining, but even with the game having gone so wrong the first time, the server shouldn’t be this glitched. He glanced down to see six dark green hearts inked onto his wrist anyways.

Martyn was harvesting wood when the chime sounded. His heart sank as the text appeared. “You have...” Silence echoed through the forest. “4 lives.” “What?” he muttered, as four dark green hearts etched themselves onto his wrist. “How? I’m only supposed to have three.” Before he could ponder it further, his stomach growled, and he set off to find food.

Scott had been hunting a cow when the chime startled him out of his hiding place. “You have...” the text appeared. “2 lives.” “Oh no,” he whispered. He needed gear. Now.

Jimmy had been exploring the server, looking for a high vantage point when the chim rang out. “You have...2 lives.” “Not again.” Distantly, he wondered where Scott was.

Impulse was gathering up splintered pieces of wood when the chime startled him. The wood went crashing to the ground. “You have...3 lives.” So Cleo had been right. Impulse went back to gathering his wood.

Etho and Bdubs were gathering resources when they heard the chime. “You have...4 lives,” the text read for Bdubs. Quietly, he pulled his sleeve further over his wrist and the four dark green hearts that appeared there. “You have...4 lives” the text read for Etho. He pulled a strip of cloth from his jacket and wound it around his wrist. No point letting anyone else know he had an advantage.

Cleo stopped in her tracks when she saw the text. “You have...two lives.” “Oh, this is so bad,” she muttered under her breath, picking up her pace as she looked for shelter.

Tango had been harvesting wood when he heard the chime. “You have...6 lives.” He was too elated by the prospect of the extra breathing room that he didn’t bother to ponder how it was possible to have more than three lives.

BigB had been standing by the riverside when the text appeared. “You have...3 lives.” “Guess Cleo was right,” he murmured. “I suppose I oughta get geared up.”

Skizz waited patiently as the text decided his fate. “You have...3 lives.” Well, at least he knew what to expect this time.

Joel sat down on the edge of the mountain, and waited for the text to tell him what horrors the universe had in store for this round. “You have...5 lives.” “Oh, five,” he said, wondering whether everyone else had the same amount of lives. Slowly, five dark green hearts appeared on his wrist.

Lizzie’s hand traced along the world border, but she stopped as a loud chime rang through her skull. “You have...” floating green text read in front of her eyes. “4 lives.” What did that mean?

Pearl pushed the branch out of her way, but startled by the chime, she let it hit her in the face. “You have...6 lives.” That was good, right? Lots of lives meant a chance to live longer. Six dark green hearts etched themselves into the skin of her wrist. Six lives was good, right?

Mumbo gathered leaves together, using tree bark to tie them into a makeshift sack. He stopped when the chime sounded however. “You have...4 lives.” “Alright!” he exclaimed. After all, four lives was good. Maybe everyone had just been overreacting when they had joined the server. Mumbo certainly hoped they’d been overreacting.

Now, the game had begun anew, and the universe watched with glee as the players began to move into place.

[poppyseed799]

Okay fellow 3rd life fans I think it’s time I come clean. I have been silent about this the entire time, thinking about staying quiet cuz it seemed the whole fandom disagrees with what I’m about to say but I will stay silent no longer.

I don’t get why people say the Desert was “clearly the bad guys”.

Let’s get this out of the way: I mainly watched Scar’s POV along with Grian’s. I watched a fair amount of Martyn’s episodes as well, a couple from Scott and then random episodes from Skizz, Cleo, Impulse, Jimmy, and probably more. Definitely plot important ones I watched from more POVs than just my main guys Scar and Grian.

I just don’t get why, when people look at all of the different factions, they look at the Desert and go “yes they are clearly in the wrong and the only ones I can easily label as the villains in the overall story” what??? Don’t even get me started on “it’s interesting that the villains won in 3rd life” what??? I always viewed them as the more innocent ones, although the story is very morally grey so it doesn’t say TOO much lmao.

So let me explain why! Well, honestly, I’m more confused as to why y’all say they’re so obviously the villains, so I’m just explaining why I’m confused here lol.

So first of all let’s get the scamming and monopolies out of the way. I have less to say about the monopoly so let’s start with that. THEY NEVER HAD A MONOPOLY… if the idea of making a monopoly is bad enough for you guys, then might I remind y’all of the cow monopoly that was attempted? Everyone was looking for ways to make business… and a SAND monopoly was CLEARLY doomed to fail!! Not to bring Dream SMP into this but if y’all are gonna say OG L’Manberg was innocent because they didn’t succeed in the potion monopoly at all then let’s have that same energy for the Sand People!!!

Now for the scams. “Oooh poppy how are you gonna defend the scamming” BECAUSE IT WASN’T SCAMMING??? Scar made it clear what he wanted and what the person would receive in return. They were told they were going to receive a piece of paper and they agreed to it! Don’t listen to Grian “don’t listen to Scar it’s a scam the papers don’t mean anything” because he was LYING. Not purposely, but he was lying. Scar NEVER said “hey Grian let’s scam people with fRiEnDsHiP” instead he always told Grian that it WAS real and that he WOULD go through with all of the papers. And he did! There were a couple of mishaps but obviously it’s really difficult to control every situation. Plus Scar had a hard time remembering all of the friendship passes lmao. But he really did try, he really did value these trades, it wasn’t scamming just because Grian thought there was no way it was worth it.

The only Scar hater I stan is Skizzleman he had all right to be mad at Scar but that doesn’t mean Scar was the enemy of the whole story lol

Now onto something that I don’t know how to start explaining but is a very big reason why I’m confused about the fandom calling the Desert the bad guys. NOBODY IN THE SMP TOOK THEM SERIOUSLY. I saw SO many posts about how “Scar and Grian seem like fun guys in THEIR POV but in others POV they’re really scary!” Like no? I always thought it was the opposite. Like watching Scar’s POV I was like “ah man they have to kill people cuz red life this is so dramatic they are feared by the server…” BUT THEN I WATCH SOMEONE ELSE’S POV AND THEY LITERALLY SAY STUFF LIKE “lol we don’t have to worry about Scar” “dang all those people just exploded. Anyways Scar is the weakest red life and we have nothing to worry about when it comes to him it’s all the other red lifers that are a problem” “lol there goes those idiots trying to make a monopoly on sand so silly” and I’m like. Oh. The entire server treats them like silly cartoon villains that never achieve anything. And yes they say these things WHILE hunting the Desert People down like what. Basically the server treating the villainous things the Desert did as not very serious made me think the same, which is why I’m so confused that people think they’re the Big Bad Guys.

ANOTHER THING relating to how the server treats the Desert: alliances!! The Desert was very loyal. Scott and Jimmy trusted the Desert, which shocked many people on the server but were they wrong? No! The Desert trusted the Hobbits back fully as well. They were the only alliance they fully trusted, but they didn’t go behind their other allies’ backs just cuz they weren’t so sure about the alliance. Sure there were comments about Impulse, but that idea was fed to them by Impulse’s allies, they had no other information. And yet they STILL gave him stuff and didn’t flinch when alone with him above Dogwarts, because even with him being suspicious he was still their ally and they are loyal as heck!!! Sure there was Impulse’s demise but like. That was endgame, everyone was looking for a reason to kill someone, and the Desert was told that Impulse was sus af and his own allies didn’t trust him so it was an easy pick. Bdubs coulda said no. And yeah Scar betrayed Bdubs in the end but like. Once again, endgame, and also it was “kill the person who stuck with you since the beginning” or “kill the person who is only on your side cuz you gave him a clock a while ago and lied to you about liking watches”. What do you expect? Plus the ending showed how loyal Scar was to Grian, the guy who owed him his first life and stuck with him till the end. Beautiful.

ANYWAYS EVEN MEMBERS OF DOGWARTS WERE LIKE “I have a hard time killing Scar because he hasn’t really wronged me personally in any way, he’s fairly reliable as well” LIKE… bro they were ENEMIES. Scar also didn’t really want to hurt them!!! Also can I just say that the only reason Scar was as bad as he was was because he was the first person to go red? Red lifers are supposed to be like the villains, so I don’t disagree with people saying that at FIRST Scar was a villain cuz he was red (although wtf were some of these guys up to using excuses to kill people while green (not talking about Grian)) but he wasn’t even that bad while he was red. He was just the worst by default since he was red lol. Which was entirely not his fault, and he only wanted to kill Ren pretty much lol. So I guess Scar being the villain depends on if you consider Ren to be the main character of the entire server.

Which is another thing I don’t get… why people see Dogwarts as the good guys. There was a CLEAR corruption arc people. Dogwarts had loyalty, but it was very ride or die, as in “if you don’t ride with us you will die”. You watch these guys call everyone (not just the desert people) “filthy peasants” and not realize they are acting like villains??? Plus the ominous “red winter is coming” like what. Not saying they weren’t good at the start, nor that they were completely and totally bad, just that if you were to frame ANYONE in this MORALLY GREY SERVER as “The Bad Guys” why not the ones that made it their entire thing????? YES they were good at first, they had regrets and cared so much about their people (just not anyone else lololol). It’s a tragic story, and you’re gonna write it off like “no even when they started doing bad things to people who never hurt them it was justified” even when they regret those things towards the end or after death so clearly it was wrong??? Guys.

I don’t want to call anyone the Bad Guys in 3rd life tho. They all did bad things, they all had valid reasons, they all had people they cared about. I just don’t get why people pick the Desert when they try to pick villains. They weren’t totally innocent but I never saw them as THE villains. For me, even while watching Martyn, that was always Dogwarts, and even then I don’t consider them Total Villains because the server is so grey! I loved them I just think that if anyone is the bad guys maybe it’s the self-imposed king that threatens to take ALL of your lives if you don’t show complete and total loyalty to them and wave their banner above your house to show it. Even if that king started out innocent and only went red to protect his friends. Once again tho I don’t like picking Bad Guys for this server. It was a very good story without having a clear right or wrong.

Just wanted to confess that, don’t really feel like arguing about it cuz I see enough people calling the Desert the Villains just scrolling thru the main tag lmao.

[4h4hi]

Pretty sure that's normal, right?

Hermittober 2021 -- Day 1 -- Wings -------------------- Etho's finally completed the No Wings Club! Which is great-- except for the fact that he no longer has an excuse not to use an elytra. (How do all the other hermits do it?!)

Or: Etho realizes-- with Bdubs' help-- that his experiences with elytra might not be the same as everyone else's. -------------------- Cross-posted on Ao3-- link in the notes! --------------------

    To fly, or not to fly. That was the question.

    Etho sighed, shaking his head. It was no use deliberating-- he might as well just get it over with.

    After he reached his thousand days in the No Wings Club, he'd stored an elytra in his enderchest, as well as some rockets-- he didn't need it around his and Iskall's base, thanks to Riptide, but the other hermits were a different matter. Visiting Doc had been a hassle while the club was still ongoing, and with the giant mountains that every hermit on the server seemed to be constructing, it would probably be best to get in back in the elytra routine as soon as possible.

    He shuffled the wings out of his enderchest, shaking them out before inspecting their condition. After ensuring the wings themselves were flying fit, he moved on to the horrible, awful, terrible straps of leather they were attached to, which were unfortunately also in working order. Sighing, he buckled them on-- he'd tried to pad the things before, even tried to etch some sort of feather falling-silk touch combo onto the interiors to make them magically less painful to wear...it'd worked with the surface-level pain from the constant digging into his skin through his vest, at least.

    "Ah! Etho!"

    He turned quickly, gripping the hilt of his sword before relaxing at the familiar sight of his friend's round, googly glasses. "Hey, how's it going, Bdubs?"

    Bdubs grinned brightly, leaning against a tree. "Oh, just fine, just fine. Been doing some work here and there on the Big Eyes shopping district-- ran out here to get a few more spruce logs, you know how it is." He pulled out his axe, tapping the butt of the blade against the trunk-- then paused, intrigued. "Wait a minute... are you wearing an elytra?!"

    "Yeppers." Etho flexed the faux wings experimentally. Good, the locking mechanism was working. "Got my final medal a few weeks ago, figured it was about time to get back into using this."

    Bdubs whistled. "Wow, got 'em dyed and everything already. A few weeks, though? You could wait that long?"

    "Well... 's'not like I really need elytra to get around in the savannah."

    "I guess." Bdubs shrugged-- then hefted his axe, wedging it into the bottom of the tree trunk. "Where are you headed, then?" Thunk. "Kinda"-- thunk-- "middle of nowhere"-- thunk-- he set the axe down, exhaling loudly. "Alright. Don't chop and talk, Bdubs, it's impolite. Where ya headed?"

    Etho shrugged. "Nowhere, really. I was planning on just flying around for a few minutes, getting back into shape, getting used to the whole thing."

    A snort. "Sure... getting used to it."

    "Yeah, well. I gotta make sure I don't fall in public." Etho shot back, perhaps a bit sharper than he should have-- "can't have the people know I'm not an expert."

    Bdubs nodded in mock seriousness-- "right, right. Of course! Gotta keep 'em all fooled." A sigh, a kind grin. "No, I'm just teasin' ya. Go do your flyin', poor old Bdubs'll be here chopping logs."

    Etho chuckled, giving his friend a mock salute before grabbing a firework out of his inventory, pulling the start string, and taking off.

    Flying fireworks were a pretty ingenious invention-- Etho hadn't come up with them himself, of course, but he couldn't help but admire the design. A string attached to a fire-starting strip pulled through the base of the firecracker in order to ignite the gunpowder-- he pulled the string upwards, avoiding the flame, though it wouldn't hurt him through his standard enchanted gloves. (He'd have to customize those later-- dying them like his standard blue ones should be fine if he didn't come up with a better idea.)

    He'd only gone through a few fireworks out of his stack, but he considered that a victory. What had it been, ten minutes? Twelve? Either way, his shoulders were already crying out for mercy; he grimaced underneath his mask, scanning the ground for a good place to land.

    Normally he wouldn't have done his first flight around Bdubs, but... well. It didn't really matter-- his friend was probably having the same struggles, what with his flip-flopping between wearing elytra and going without.

    He should probably tease him about that.

    The forest below was missing... maybe three, four trees compared to before. Etho narrowed his eyes-- Bdubs was striking his axe into a fir next to the small clearing he'd created, completely oblivious to his altudiously advantaged watcher.

    Etho grinned and dived.  

    "Aah! Wh-- Etho!"

    He skidded to a stop in the grass behind Bdubs, twirling the stolen axe in the air with a snicker. "Did I get ya?"

    "Get me? I almost had a heart attack!" Bdubs stomped over, slugging Etho in the shoulder as he swiped at his axe; Etho quickly adjusted so that the axe was held right out of Bdub's reach. "Oh good grief!"

    Etho chuckled deviously. "Oh, sorry, I should hold this down for you, I forgot." He leaned down so that the axe was a few inches above the ground, earning a indignant shout from his friend-- and then dropped it, letting out an involuntary "oof" as his back protested at the motion.

    Bdubs snatched his axe from the ground. "Hah! Serves you right. Old man Etho having back trouble?" he crowed triumphantly-- then paused, pushing up his googly-eye glasses to look at Etho in concern. "Hey, man, are you okay? Do you need to sit down or somethin'?"

    Etho sighed. "No, I... okay, fine." He smacked away Bdubs' arm as the other tried to help him over to the shade of a nearby tree-- thankfully he was still able to stand up this time, at least for the most part. Using the tree to keep himself steady, he unbuckled his elytra before lowering himself to the ground with a pained huff.

    "So," Bdubs started, flopping onto the ground next to him. "You okay, big guy? That was kinda out of nowhere."

    Etho shrugged, then winced, immediately regretting the painful motion. "I mean, it wasn't out of nowhere, was it? It was my first elytra flight of the season. It's always gonna be a little rough, especially since I've gone so long without using one."

    Bdubs frowned, raising an eyebrow. "You were up there for like... five minutes, tops. That shouldn't bother your back enough that you almost fall over."

    "I did not 'almost fall over!'"

    "Did too!"

    Etho rolled his eyes. "Did not. Besides, it was more like ten minutes, right?"

    Bdubs scoffed. "Do you doubt the clock-keeping abilities of the Time King, Etho?"

    "Ah, the Time King. How could I forget." Etho deadpanned.

    "Hey! Stop trying to get me off topic, you... you... ohhh, I know you're laughing at me, stop that!" Despite his protests, Etho did not miss the fact that Bdubs was laughing along. "But... seriously. Does your back hurt often? Like, have you been doing any heavy lifting lately?"

    Etho thought about it for a moment. "Not more than the usual, no. But the pain's been pretty normal, too."

    Bdubs looked at him oddly. "Normal? Like, what's normal for you? Like"-- he tapped his leg, seemingly reaching for the right words-- "like, let's say you've got a scale of one to ten, and one is 'I'm Fine,' five is 'I'm pretty uncomfortable and I might have to not, say, fly as much' and ten is, uh. Bad."

    "Uhh..." Etho snorted. "Like, daily, or..." after seeing Bdubs' affirmative nod, he continued. "Well, back in Season Seven when I was flying a lot more, it was like, a four on a good day?"

    "On a good day."

    "Yeah?" Etho answered, perplexed. "And normally it would be around a five. But nowadays it's been better, what with the No Wings Club. Like, maybe a four or five usually instead of six or seven."

    "Instead of--" Bdubs spluttered. "Etho!"

    "What?" Etho laughed. "That's normal, isn't it? Like, we aren't built for flying like Grian or Pearl are. S'just how the muscles work on most players."

    "And the-- the other pain?! Without flying?!" Bdubs half-shouted.

    Etho pondered this for a moment. "Dunno. Never really thought about it."

    "Never really--" Bdubs covered his face in his hands with a groan. "Etho. My friend. My fellow redstone genius." He looked up at him, a desperate expression on his face. "Do you mean to tell me that you... just... feel pain, all the time, and... you think it's normal?"

    He stared at him. "Is... is it not?"

    Bdubs stared back. "Oh my gosh."

    "What?"

    "You're an idiot."

    "Hey!"

    "No, but seriously!" Bdubs jumped to his feet, pacing back and forth, gesticulating wildly in an attempt to convey his extremely confusing point. "You... feeling pain-- it's not-- it's not supposed to be normal. Does it ever stop? Are you ever-- what d-- the-- you--" He pulled up the bottom of his moss-colored sweater, holding it to his face to muffle his frustrated scream. When he uncovered his head, he looked back over at Etho, who was genuinely surprised at how distraught his friend appeared to be. "Did... we've been friends for forever, Etho. Why didn't you ever tell me-- or Beef, or Doc, or-- or anyone?"

    "I..." He didn't know what to say. "I guess I thought it was normal. And, like, I didn't want to bother anyone."

    "You didn't want to... bother anyone," Bdubs muttered, disbelieving. "About... about... being in pain."

    Etho shrugged, grateful his back had calmed down enough to allow him to move without dying. "I mean, yeah. Like, it's not a big deal, you know? I didn't think anyone would care."

    "I would care!" Bdubs yelled suddenly, desperately putting a hand over his heart, waving the other towards the Boatem village-- "Doc would care! Beef would care! Hell, if you told any of the hermits 'hey, I'm Etho, my back hurts like I crushed it with one of my anvils, sorry to bother you' I bet you fifty diamonds-- no, fifty diamond blocks they would have helped out in a heartbeat! You can't"-- he laughed, exhausted-- "you can't just say 'no one would care!'"

    Etho frowned, staring at nothing in particular. A few leaves fell off a stray oak tree. A squirrel darted through a fallen trunk.

     "Well." He sighed quietly, hauling himself off the ground. "I... I guess I just didn't know it was something I needed to ask about." Stretching quickly, he touched his gloved palms to the pine-needle covered floor, legs straight. "If... if you're mad at me, I--"

    "Mad at you? I'm-- I'm--" Bdubs' face melted as he walked up to Etho, putting his hands on his shoulders-- then grumbling, taking a piece of scaffold out of his inventory, placing it down, climbing on top and trying again. "There. Equal height. But"-- he took a deep breath. "Etho, I'm not mad at you. I just... I'm worried! You... you're my friend, Etho. I don't want you to be in pain, and-- and it makes me feel awful that I didn't notice you were hurting sooner."

    Etho stared at him for a moment, taken aback. "Oh."

    Bdubs snorted. "Yeah! 'Oh,' he says, 'oh.' C'mere, stupid." He pulled Etho into a tight, quick hug, then let him go, looking at him with watery eyes. "Oh, you."

    Etho grinned. "Who, me?"

    "Yes, you, stupid!" A pause-- then a sigh. "Ah, I'm just kiddin'. Love ya, buddy."

    A snort. "Love you too."

    ...

    "By the way, you'd better talk to Stress about this later."

    "Uh... nice talking to you, Bdubs, real-- real good talking to you, but I gotta"-- Etho shuffled through his inventory, grabbing an enderpearl-- "uh, gotta go." He lobbed it... somewhere. Hopefully not in a lava pool.

    "Uh-huh! Sure!" Bdubs yelled after him, even as he vwoop'ed to his new location. "Yeah, I'll call her myself if I have to! You'd better watch out, I bet she makes house calls!"

    Etho chuckled as he started at a leisurely pace towards home. He'd talk to Stress about it at some point. Maybe. Probably. Bdubs' threat didn't hold any water.

    Hopefully.

[writing-the-end]

LoL Chapter 55- Hell’s Chosen

Masterpost

A Wizard Hermits tale (AU, designs, ideas belongs to @theguardiansofredland)

The hermits discover a dark past to their paladin knight, does this change their perspective of him, or will it save their unlikely ally? 

Warning: Some description of wounds (i think)

________________________________

All eyes were on Wels. Very few had a look of knowledge. TFC, for one. But Tango’s visible confusion gives way to a much softer, quieter version of the hellfire wizard. “Helsknight? You mean the marauder from years ago? But he died.” 

“You’re right, he did. And I killed him. I buried him so deep inside me, and vowed to do whatever I could to be a better man. When Helsknight died, Welsknight was born.” Wels’s fingers are tight in the bloodstained fabric, knuckles turned white as he’s forced to relive, to speak of his dark past. 

“No no no no. You’re joking, right?” Doc shakes his head. Even he feared Hell’s chosen knight. Wels can’t possibly be that same person. Wels, a quiet, collected paladin with the heart of gold and courage of a lion. “I mean...no one ever told the story of Helsknight with a tail.” 

“Less limbs to get cut off if it’s protected by armor.” Wels points out, flicking the lionesque tail. “You want proof? What was the last time anyone ever saw Helsknight?”

Doc cocks an eyebrow, then waves his hand. “Hels and his band of bad guys attacked one of Ventus’s- the God of Judgement- temples. But the attempt was failed, and Helsknight himself was left behind as he bled out...from his neck…”

The entire group stares as the scar that Wels reveals, running from his collar to his clavicle. TFC doesn’t stare like the others. He’s known all of this the whole time. Tango shakes his head. “But you’re nothing like Helsknight. He murdered and killed for fun, to cause chaos and bring hell onto Lairyon. Wels, you’re…” 

“A changed man. Just like Apatia can be- if you give him the chance. Like the woman who healed me did, like X and TFC. Tango, if you don’t let Apatia give his chance to change and rectify what he can, then you can’t let me be any different. You can’t be a hypocrite and pick and choose.” From between Wels and Tango, Apatia groans. The blood has stopped, Ren’s work healing leaving a sloppy open wound behind. 

Apatia was pale, paler than he already was. Almost the same color as Grian, as the latter continues to recuperate from the torture he faced. But unlike Grian’s shallow, soft breaths, Apatia’s runs ragged and harsh. His jaws are clenched, fighting off the pain. With the remaining bandages and healing salve, Wels wraps up the stump of Apatia’s tail fin. 

Tango and Doc are still quiet, trying to comprehend the news that’s been delivered to them. It all makes sense, but their eads still struggle to put the two completely different personas together. As if they’re different people all together. 

Everyone knows who Helsknight is- was. He appeared as if from nowhere, like a demon spawned straight from hell. And immediately, he began reeking havoc. His band of villains attacked and raided. They were more than just some lowly bandits, or even a mafia. Helsknight was a villain, killing without mercy, without remorse, and without discretion. It wasn’t until their botched attack on that temple that ended the reign of terror that Hell’s chosen knight left on Lairyon. Just as quickly as Helsknight appeared, he faded into nightmares and horror story. Kids were told to watch out for the knight with one eye, because he’d pluck out their own to replace his. 

But Welsknight? He’s calm and collected, if a bit snarky. Even when battling even the husks, he always hesitates to strike a killing blow if there’s a potential to save the life instead. Wels is jovial, and a great baker, and tells great stories. Sure, he’s a great knight, but Tango once saw Wels cry over a dead fish he found at the beach. He’s a paladin, not a barbarian. 

Helsknight supposedly died years ago. Welsknight joined the hermits a few years back. Though there’s a span of time in between the day Lairyon celebrated the defeat of Hels and Wels following TFC back to Eremita, it begins to all make sense. There's a reason why Wels never talks about his past. Never visits home. Never explains how he got many of his scars.

Like puzzle pieces, it all falls together and paints a picture. Doc’s jaw clenches. As much as he hates to say it, or even think it, Wels is right. If a monster like Hels can become the man before Doc today, then maybe, just maybe , theres hope for Apatia. 

So long as he lives. The hermits are so focused on Apatia, their argument on whether he should live or die, no one notices Grian rouse from the darkness that still grips him. No one noticed the sky open up, both in Grian’s eyes and the sky beyond the windows. No one notices him weakly clamber out of bed, nearly falling flat on his face, and walking over to join them in the group. 

“What are we on about?” Even when he speaks up, the other hermits are so used to his voice that it hardly registers. 

“Welsknight was once helsknight, and whether we should save Apatia’s life or not.” Tango shrugs, his red eyes glaring down at Apatia with distaste. He still hates the man, but at the same time… they’re supposed to be the heroes. 

“As your resident healer, I think we should. But...I’m not sure why he’s here in the first place.” Ren looks up, realizing who is speaking, and scoops Grian into his arms. His tail wags loud and heavy, banging against the other hermits with every oscillation. 

“Welcome back to the land of the living, my dude!” Ren only sets Grian down when TFC reminds him that Grian is still working towards regaining his life, his color. He’s still slightly unsaturated, his skin missing the tint of pink, the red of his robest boarding the color of dried blood. Ren sets Grian back on the bed, trying to force the angel to rest. But now that Grian’s awake, he’s ready to cause trouble and start his day- even though he has no clue what time it is. 

“What’s going on? I...I don’t remember much. When did you guys save me? Why is Apatia here? How did you find me?” The questions fall like rain in a storm, impossible for the hermits to catch every last drop. 

It’s TFC that manages to slow the downpour. “Hold on, hold on Grian. Why don’t we start from the beginning? We’ll fill you in on everything, in time.”

----------------------------------------------------

All the hermits, once again under the safe canopy of the massive oak tree in their guild hall. Grian is wrapped in a warm, soft blanket- knitted by Stress- and a mug of warm apple cider rests in between his pale hands. “I can’t believe you guys came for me.” 

“Of course we were gonna save you, Grian.” Scar practically laughs at the mere idea of leaving him behind. But for Grian, who’s been kicked out of so many guilds for his troublemaking, it really shows how much they care. 

A rumble of agreements follow, and after a few more minutes of quiet comforting, it’s Grian himself that changes the subject. “Dolios is getting more powerful by the minute. I could feel all the energy flowing through those leylines, into him and that monster, Eurynomos. We can’t delay this any longer. Dolios has to go down.” 

“But we don’t even know how. We can destroy as many crystals as we want, but he’ll just keep making more. He has more power than a bunch of lowly mercenaries. He even beat Apatia, one of his own Councilmembers. One of the strongest guildmasters in all of Lairyon.” BDubs points out. Everyone goes silent as they remember the man in their infirmary. The stranger- he’s not a hermit, yet he’s among them. 

Grian looks up, pale face and hollowed eyes alarming for the hermits. He hardly looks to be among the living, but less like a dead man walking like he was before. “Xisuma, your brother mentioned something about the ancient ones. DO you think there could be a clue for us there? In the past?” 

X sighs, leaning back in his chair as he considers the question. “If the answer to ending Dolios’s dark reign truly lies in the past, then we’d have better luck finding the answer ourselves. Thousands of years, eroded by time, by kingdoms and cultures rising and falling, not to mention the disappearance of the ancient ones. There’s a reason ancient magic is dead- because none of the books teaching it survived.” 

“There’s one person we know who has studied the ancient ones for years.” Joe’s voice cuts through the crowd, looking around. Every other hermit is lost and confused, but Joe can see the mixed emotions raging in Xisuma’s eyes. “Besides Ex can take care of the island, of Apatia while we’re searching.” 

“Ex chose to leave Eremita. Why in gods’s names would he want to come back, to help us?” X growls. 

“Because he’s your brother. He helped us save Doc. He’s been helping us, helping all of Lairyon- in his own weird, Ex way. He’s not the villain here, he’s your brother.” 

X clenches his jaw. The scar over his eye burns at the memory of their fight. The words he said to his brother, and the worst responded in kind. Xisuma still received letters from Ex, but he only opened them when Cleo’s cider had clouded his better judgement. And he never responded. 

But he also remembers the moment, after years estranged, he laid eyes upon his twin brother, crammed into the bookstore he was running. The moment of relief, of happiness to see Ex alive and well. Their identical faces, like mirror images of one another. His hair pure white, like the bright sun in the sky. Even now Xisuma remembers how often he’d complain he could always find Ex hairs on his clothes. 

And that Ex helped them save Doc. All these years fighting, Xisuma can’t believe he’s going to be the one to concede defeat. But for the fate of Lairyon, he guesses he has to. He pulls off his mask, turning it over in his hands, running a thumb over the scratched out symbol. He swallows his pride, and stands. “I’ll get the letter to Phoebe. What’s one more stranger to the island?”

[votederpycausemufins]

Chapter three for Surprisingly Familiar. It’s time to get to the real plot of this thing!

@petrichormeraki is the maker of the hermit Tommy au, @helleborusangel likes to read these and give me their rambles which are my beloved, and then check my tumblr for my masterpost of things I’ve made.

“Hey Paul, you’re done talking with X, right?” Bdubs asked as he noticed Paul walking by.

“Uh, yeah. He said he could let a guest in for a little bit because he needs to talk with Phil and Phil’d rather stay here instead of coming to the castle.”

“Yeah yeah, sounds great.” Bdubs sad, waving it off. “Hey, new question. Paul what the heck was that back there?!” He shouted, making a number of hermits look over.

“Hey, calm down, keep things off tap.” Paul tried to calm the hermit down, but it didn’t work that much.

“Oh this is Hermitcraft. We don’t do things on tap. Except Tommy but that’s different. Now, what were you doing back there?” And Bdubs pointed towards the room Paul and Phil had talked in. From the crowd, Jrum felt a little nervous, wondering if it was something he did, but the answer calmed the bot.

“Calm down. It was something Hoodie taught me. I’m sure Zedaph can back me up.”

Behind Bdubs, Zed stopped slurping from a coffee cup that was actually filled with a slushie. “Yeah, don’t worry he’s fine. No necromancy.”

“See? I just wanted a private conversation.” Paul replied, though Bdubs still looked grumpy.

“Alright, don’t make me call in Genny.” And Bdubs signalled that he was watching Paul before walking off. As he left, Scar took his place, seeming pretty confused.

“So, what’s with him?”

Paul sighed. “He’s not a fan of certain types of magic. I did a bit of necromancy for a time and there was someone else in the world who essentially became a dark lord, so Bdubs and some others became witch hunters.”

“Huh, That’s not something I would have guessed.” Scar said. “I mean, I’m a wizard and he’s been fine with me.”

Paul looked a little stunned. “Oh really? Didn’t realize. What style are you? My friend Hoodie is coming in for a quick visit. He’s ars based.”

Scar laughed a little. “Is that so? Haven’t seen many of those. I’ve got a mix. Vex magic and crystalline. Cub’s also a user of vex magic.”

Paul nodded. “That’s nice. How many magic users you got around here?”

The hermit mayor started to count on his fingers. “So there’s me and Cub. Pretty sure Stress has some. Cleo’s definitely got some magic. Grian of course. Uh, not sure if Joe does or not. I think Xisuma’s just-”

“Xel- er, Grian’s got some magic?”

“Yeah. And I guess the kids probably do too. Not sure right now.” Scar said, before looking Paul in the eye. “You're not going to freak out about Grian having magic, right? You’ve already got him upset which gets us upset.”

“Yeah, I know.” Paul sighed. “Just been through a lot. I get overly worried sometimes, and to me, I suddenly hear that ‘kid involved in murders is now causing wars in the world my friends are in.’ So yeah, sort of thought the worst.”

Scar inhaled sharply. “Okay, yeah. I can see what made you freak out. But Grian’s fine. He’s been through a lot and while technically he’s caused chaos, it’s never something we hate and normally we’re all in on it somehow.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, you should hear about the sewer cats.”

“Can’t wait to hear about it. Haven’t seen any letters about it.”

Scar nodded, before being just a little confused. “So, is there a reason you’re always using letters instead of other stuff? I’m sure some of the others could make you something that would work.”

Paul nodded. “I don’t doubt that they could for the most part. I just deal with a lot of factors and have always preferred the tried and true method. I’m all over the place and sometimes I can only really bring along paper.”

“What do you do?” Scar asked, interest piqued.

“Let’s see. Not sure if Phil’s told you, but he used to be king.” Scar nodded. It wasn’t Phil, but Grian had mentioned it. “Well, I’m one as well. Hoodie’s my right hand man and royal mage.”

“Ah, and you said he’s the one visiting?”

“Yeah. So I end up busy there a lot. I also spend a lot of my time visiting my kids so I’m going from world to world. Then, there’s also my wife and she’s in the world we raised the kids in which is essentially my main home.”

“And that’s what?”

“Uh, the same one I found Xe- sorry, Grian in ages ago.” Paul answered. “And I’ve got a job there that doesn’t really work with comms sometimes, but paper is easy enough to have on hand, especially enchanted paper.” And Paul took out a sheet of paper, handing it to Scar.

Scar took the paper and looked it over. As he moved it, he could see how the light caught the slightly physical aspect of the magic, much like how enchantments could be seen. “This looks good. You can hardly see the magic but I can tell it’s there. What all is on here?”

“Mostly stuff to get it to the right recipient and make it illegible if you’re trying to read it and it’s not for you.”

“Ah. That’s a commonly known one for ars mages, right?” Scar asked. “I haven’t heard much about them.”

Paul nodded. “Yeah. That’s due to the mage wars. They happened a number of years back before Hoodie was alive. He’s the main reason things are sort of getting back to normal for those guys.” Paull pulled out an old communicator which looked like it was being held together with duct tape and prayers. “He should be here pretty soon. He said he was only going to get a few books and amulets. And your admin said he would be able to get in.”

Almost as soon as Paul had said something, a message went out that someone new had joined the world. Xisuma sent a message that he would go to help the guest to Aque Town and from there Paul and Scar just waited for the two others to arrive. Xisuma was the first to arrive, gliding down on his elytra. The other person wore a royal purple hooded robe and seemed to arrive with the use of an ender pearl, but Scar didn’t see them use one.

Paul was the first to move, going over to the other person. “Hoodie! You made it!”

With the confirmation that this was the mage coming in, Scar followed along, a bit excited to meet someone new with magic. “Of course Sir. You did ask for my presence.”

Scar watched as Paul put an arm around Hoodie’s shoulder. “You don’t need to be so formal here. In fact, here. This is Scar. He’s the mayor, and based on the kind of place this is, I’d say he’s the local hedgewizard.”

“Ah, I see. It is nice to meet you. My name is Hoodie. I am King Soares’ right hand man and royal mage.”

Scar shook Hoodie’s hand, getting a slight shock. “It’s nice to meet you too. Paul already said I’m Scar. I’m guessing you’re a lightning mage or something?”

Hoodie took his hand back. “Ah, sorry about that. Yes I am. Or at least I specialize in it. Same as my father lest he’s recently changed his affinity.”

“Well I don’t know enough about your kind of magic to know what that really means.”

Paul walked away as the two magic users started to discuss their various forms of magic and wizardry. He needed to find Phil again since the main reason Hoodie was even there was so that Phil could get more of the enchanted paper. Not wanting to drag the mage away, Paul was instead going after his brother since he was the one insisting he wouldn’t take any of it without knowing for sure it was enchanted by Hoodie. After that, Hoodie would help out a bit around the world as repayment for Xisuma letting him on, then the two of them would head back home. At least, that was the plan.

. .

.

Drawing him away from the nest was almost laughably easy. Grian and Mumbo were both asleep and the chicken was theoretically trapped. At least trapped enough it wasn’t going to escape into the room itself. And then it could only see out the window and not into the room which was a big plus. Because of that, it was simple enough to have viridian magic surround the prison and really ensure the chicken wouldn’t be getting out.

“You know.” The person spoke in a whisper, making Grian twitch ever so slightly in his sleep, but not wake up. “You’re really making this far too easy. I thought it would be difficult with those guests of yours here, but it turns out everyone’s distracted by them. And they put you in such a perfect position. Let’s just move you to somewhere a bit more private, hmm?”

Grian of course didn’t wake up, but as the person left, a bit more magic appeared around Grian, and then a few moments later, he woke up with a start. Grian looked around, glad to see there was only Mumbo and a box in the corner. For a moment he was confused about it, but faint clucking from inside helped him figure out what it was. But something still felt off.

Grian went to shake Mumbo awake, but he hesitated a moment before actually waking him up. “Mumbo. Mumbo!” And Mumbo woke up from his name being shouted, looking around to see what was going on. “Mumbo, I think we’ve been up here too long. Something feels wrong.”

Mumbo pulled out his communicator to look at the time. “Oh dear! It does look like we have been here a while. It also looks like someone else has shown up.”

“Really?” Grian asked, pulling his own comm out to look at the message. “There’s no way this person would just happen to show up today of all days for no reason. What if they’re someone else with… I want to check on the kids.”

Mumbo stood up and then helped Grian to his feet. “Don’t worry. I’m sure if anything happened, the other hermits would be taking care of the boys. We can of course check on them, but you don’t want your panic to make them panic.”

Grian nodded and from there the two of them went back down to the ground floor, leaving Kokatori behind. Finding the new person was rather easy as he and Scar were both standing on the street of Aque Town facing each other. Scar was currently donning his wizard robe over his Aque Town outfit. In his hands, he held a number of crystals that Grian thought he was never going to see again.

The other person was wearing a purple robe and held a wand in one hand and a book with a yellow cover in the other. His hood had fallen back slightly, so Grian was able to see as the other person glanced over at him when he got closer. Normally the avian would assume it was just because he was getting close and was noticed, but there was some sort of emotion in the eyes that made Grian worry.

Both of them had their attention pulled away from each other as Scar moved, a yellow glow around him as he moved like he had a speed effect. When he reached the other person, Grian watched as the Scar’s netherite sword struck them, and then a ring of white magic appeared around them, acting as a shield against further attacks.

Realizing at this point that the two were fighting, Grian moved to try and stop them, but then out of nowhere, lightning struck the ground in front of him, making him stop. When Grian looked back up, both mages were looking over to him and then Scar called out. “Hey, don’t worry! We’re just doing some sparring! It was my idea!”

“Are you sure? Who even is this?”

“His name’s Hoodie. Royal mage of Paul it looks like.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Grian asked, concerned.

“Yeah, it just sounds like he was jumping to conclusions when he saw you. I’m sure it’s going to be fine if you talk to him again.”

Grian wasn’t completely convinced, but pretended enough for Scar to look back at Hoodie and then continue their sparring. Slowly, the avian started moving to where everyone else probably was, still in the party building. Mumbo followed him along, but eventually he passed Grian when the builder decided to actually watch the magic battle.

Scar seemed to mainly be using regular combat, but enhanced by his crystals which actually seemed to be doing something. Hoodie, on the other hand, was using his wand and casting a number of spells from his book. At one point, Grian watched the mage fumble a little bit to pull out a book with a green cover before casting a new spell that he hadn’t used yet.

Grian didn’t realize he was just standing there alone, and the magicians weren’t really paying much attention to him, but in the span of a few seconds, that all changed. To anyone watching, it would seem like it happened all at once, but really it was just one thing after the other.

Grian was barely aware of the space around him getting the slightest tint of green to it. As soon as that had happened, Hoodie turned away from Scar and instead faced Grian, pulling out a new red spell book. Scar was the next to react, still under the effects of his yellow crystal. He started to pull out a red crystal, accidentally pulling a pink one out at the same time. He threw them towards Grian just as Hoodie began to cast some magic aimed at Grian, but also in the direction of what would be in the path of the crystals.

Seeing multiple things coming his way, Grian started to panic, wings moving to act as a shield since he currently wasn’t holding one. As they moved, the tips of his wings started to change from red to purple, the shift in color working its way to the base of the wings. He couldn’t react fast enough to block everything, but the magic hit both of the crystals, making them shatter into dust. The pink and red dust didn’t completely stay their original colors, some of them charred by the magic attack that hit them, but each tiny piece seemed to glow with its own energy, and even with the, being broken so small, when the cluster hit Grian, there was enough force to make him crash to the ground.

For everyone not watching at that moment in time, they simply heard a large crack of thunder at the same time there was shattering glass, followed by screaming from Grian. Within a matter of seconds, people were racing out of the nearby building, there to see what had happened.

When people got out onto the street, Scar was yelling at Hoodie. “What was that?! Grian wasn’t involved! I thought I could actually- I can’t see why Bdubs actually trusted- I’m guessing he’s changed a lot since-”

“Please, I was just trying to defend myself. He was about to attack me. Didn’t you see it?”

“He was just watching us!”

“No. Your back was turned so you maybe didn’t see it.”

“I should have used a brown crystal too. What kind of spell was that?!” As they yelled, Xisuma was the first to get over to the pair to try and figure out what was going on, getting an answer from Scar. “That Paul guy’s mage just attacked Grian! If I hadn’t done something, it might have killed him!”

“What?” Paul asked, coming over. “Hoodie what just happened?”

The mage looked over to Paul, ignoring Scar and X. “Sir, the hedgewizard and I were simply having a duel to see each other's magic skills. As we battled, this avian mage came by and tried to stop us once. Of course Scar was able to prevent that the first time, but then the mage tried to cast a spell of attack. I was already using a spell to help my reaction time, as was the wizard here, so I began to cast a counterspell. At first I thought Scar was also about to assist me, but instead he seemed to try and stop my spell, causing our magic to collide. It seems to have still-” Hoodie tried to continue, but Paul held up a hand to stop him.

Paul then tried to speak himself, but then his shoulder was ground and he was whirled around by Phil. “Paul, what the fuck? Did you just have your wizard attack Grian?”

“What? No, of course I wouldn’t! It sounds like Grian was trying to attack Hoodie and he defended himself.”

“Yeah sure. Mate, just tell me the truth.”

“I’m just telling you what Hoodie told me. I know just as much as you do at this point other than what he told me.”

Again, the conversation was cut off by Mumbo speaking up, having joined the group. “Grian’s really hurt. His breathing is off and it looks like his wings were hurt enough for them to shift away. There’s also something else, but I can’t place it. Xisuma, can you look at him?”

Everyone moved out of the way for the admin to head towards Grian, but as soon as he took a step, everyone had their comms buzz with two messages. Xisuma peeked over the crowd to look where Grian had been a minute ago. He wasn’t currently lying there, but neither were any items that signified him having died and respawned. That could have been because he had nothing on him at the point, which was unlikely, but could have been what happened.

That being said, the shocked gasps from people who were looking at their comms didn’t assure Xisuma, so the admin pulled up the chat logs on his helmet. Instead of there being a death message for Grian, there were two messages of people leaving the world.

The_Grifter left the world Xelqua left the world.

[lieutenantcupcake]

I never did my usual survey thing at the beginning of 2020 so I’ll never know how 2019 was. Whoops. I guess here’s the one for the last year, for posterity.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Earned a graduate degree. Experience a pandemic.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I have no idea. I don’t think I made any. This year I wanna be more creative, but only in ways that will make me happy.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Jonathan and his wife had a bb.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? lol

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? I’d like my confidence back. I don’t think I had realized that I’d gained some in my first two years of grad school until my new advisor kinda made me lose it all.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 131st. j/k Time wasn’t real so idk maybe Halloween when Sarah, Elizabeth, and I had a tea party in a historic cemetery and then watched RHPS on Sarah’s porch and ate Pho.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? MFA, I guess. Though it felt/feels fake because graduation and celebrations didn’t happen.

9. What was your biggest failure? Letting shit get to me. To be fair tho, not letting shit affect me probably would have been unhealthy. Basically my thesis was fucking depressing as shit and not fun and I��m really glad I got to wing the last few months of grad school because of the pandemic (but I’d would rather have had a completely shitty time the whole time without the pandemic).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A new computer.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent. Fuck landlords.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? When it looked like Bernie was going to do well in the primaries before the DNC fucked everything up for him. Again. Getting into a relationship?????

16. What song will always remind you of 2020? Idk probably something from Punisher.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

17. Thinner or fatter? Fatter?

18. Richer or poorer? Poorer

19. What do you wish you’d done more of? Telling people to fuck off.

20. What do you wish you’d done less of? Overthinking

21. How will you be spending Christmas? I got to be at my parent’s house after quarantining for over two weeks, so that was nice.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? Too soon to say, but it’s something.

23.  What was your best costume of the year? Probably Nadja from What We Do in the Shadows. I also liked my mostly closet Harley Quinn costume.

24. What was your favorite TV program? DS9! I watched all of it over the end of 2019/beginning of 2020, and tried to watch all Star Trek, which was really fun.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Probably some politicians. I definitely dislike a lot of people I didn’t before.

26. What was the best book you read? I read like 2/3rds of one book this year lol.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I guess Phoebe Bridgers? Or was it discovering that I actually liked Taylor Swift with Folklore?

28. What did you want and get? A cute boy who likes me?

29. What did you want and not get? To actually see that cute boy irl. I guess technically we saw each other like Jan 2nd or 3rd last year, but that barely counts.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I really enjoyed Birds of Prey. I’m bad at watching movies on my own. Oh wait, I def saw Parasite last Feb, so I’m changing my answer to that.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 33. Heather, Kenny, and I had drinks and ordered appetizer combos from BDubs and Applebapple. For a quarantine birthday, it was pretty good.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having a global pandemic? The DNC not fucking Bernie? But besides that, my thesis not being a clusterfuck.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Goth athletic wear. Not enough tracksuits for health goth tho.

34. What kept you sane? Heather. Playing 430 hours of Destiny 2.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Went on another Hugh Dancy kick, but that’s about it.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? I worked for the Bernie data entry team which was really fun and did some text banking too. After he suspended his campaign I kinda gave up on politics, but still went to every BLM protest/march in Athens.

37. Who did you miss? Literally everyone I know. Especially Bianca.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Didn’t do a lot of meeting people this year. I enjoyed the brief period of time before my internship shut down with my supervisor. I ran an errand with him at one point and his car started playing a podcast he was listening to previously and it was William and Alaska from Drag Race and I was like 👀

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I've been running around in circles Pretending to be myself Why would somebody do this on purpose When they could do something else? Drowning out the morning birds With the same three songs over and over I wish I wrote it, but I didn't so I learn the words Hum along 'til the feeling's gone forever

[emberdragon240]

BFDI Done In Hermitcraft: Chapter 1: The Plank P1

(This is also on Wattpad if that’s your thing)

"I know, she was so scared over nothing! The bee wasn't even that big, and False was freaking out!"

"Really, Iskall?"

"Really, and yet she calls herself a badass."

"She is in a way, do you remember when she asked Bdubs if she was beautiful?"

Flashback to a week ago

"Bdubs, am I beautiful?"

"Umm, sorry, but no-"

*proceeds to get yeeted to the sun*

End of flashback

"Right, I remember that, and I still hate her!" Bdubs jumped into Grian and Iskall's conversation about how False was a complete asshole. She was so rotten, even Joe hated her, and that was very unusual for him to think of people.

"I swear, I'm gonna get revenge on her! I am honsetly so glad you guys are my friends, really!" Even though they didn't really know eachother, (almost) everyone was friends on the Hermitcraft island.

"You're my friend too, right, Mumbo?" Bdubs said as he grabbed Mumbo and started squeezing him with no mercy.

"Bdubs, stop!" Grian and Iskall yelled before there was a sickening crunch and their communicators buzzed with a death message.

*MumboJumbo was suffocated*

"Sorry about that," Bdubs said, clearly embarrassed at what happened. Mumbo eventually respawned in one of those respawn generators, only to get almost killed by Jevin pointing a sword at his chest.

"Hey! I just respawned!" Mumbo said, exasperated.

"Hey, don't blame me! Blame the stupid Tango here, it's his fault!" Jevin said as he kicked Tango in the face, making him let go as he flew into the ocean.

"Fine! I'll grab Cleo instead," Tango said before grabbing Cleo out of nowhere and yeeting her to Mumbo, which was a very close dodge.

"Yikes!" Mumbo said. She was also conveniently holding a sword, so it was a pretty close call. "What was that for!?" Mumbo asked.

"What? I'm just in the mood to hurt someone," Tango replied. He then found Keralis, which he kicked with absolutely no mercy. Keralis screamed his ass off as he flew, conveniently passing by Wels. He then landed on the ground face first in shallow water where Stress was doing something.

"Keralis! What are you doing there? There's a life to enjoy, so enjoy it!" Stress said in her cheering state. Keralis had a liking for TFC for some reason, so went to him and starting acting all lovingly. A little bit too lovingly, because TFC kicked him into the air as well.

"TFC, calm down," Joe said with papa bear mode set to low. "Kicking him that hard can have permanent side effects. He IS light-weight," Joe lectured as Keralis continued flying in the air once again and as he flew past Wels, not much happened, why am I mentioning this? Anyways, he eventually fell because of the laws of physics, and he fell right onto Zedaph, and as he got up, he noticed... blood. I think you can guess what happened from there. The scream was so loud it could be heard all over the island.

"Keralis is such a scaredy-cat," Cub complained. "He's so annoying. Scar, though, you're cool," Cub said to his friend and partner-in-crime-I mean, partner-in-business.

"So are you, Cub!" Scar complimented back. Meanwhile, Wels was still flying before crashing into a mountain at low speeds, so he didn't take too much damage from the crash. The weird thing though, was that Zedaph was just sitting there as if he took a nap with his eyes open. Wels shouldn't have been surprised, though, since he always acted as if he was on LSD.

"Zedaph! Wake up!" Wels shook Zedaph awake.

"What? Hi, Wels!" Zedaph said as he was jolted awake. Wels sighed before yeeting Zedaph behind him (seriously, why are the hermits constantly yeeting each other around?). Zedaph flew along, all in a excitement that you only feel when you're high until he fell onto Joe, barely surviving.

"Oh, hi Joe, my good old friend!" Zedaph greeted Joe tiredly and before passing out from his injuries. Meanwhile, Doc and Ren were sitting near Impulse with an angry glare. They still couldn't get over the whole Area 77 thing, so here we are.

"Ren! You're an absolute idiot!" Doc yelled at Ren. He did not get the reaction he was expecting though, because Ren's response was to slap him.

"Hey!" Doc yelled, surprised.

"Oh my god, your face feels so good to slap!" Ren said. He was not acting like himself today. He then went on a slapping spree. He was about to continue when Xisuma caught him in the act.

"Doc! Ren! Stop fighting!" Xisuma yelled at the two. "And Impulse, take a bath, you stink," X commented at Impulse who was just watching.

"Sorry," Impulse said.

"Isn't X bossy?" Tango asked Cub, who were both watching the scene.

"I know! He's like a bossy bot!" Cub tried to make a joke, but all he got were stares from Scar, Tango and Wels.

"Uh, you know, a bossy robot?" Cub tried to explain the joke which only got more awkward stares.

"Um, here's the thing; a robot that was built to be at it's bossiest," Cub tried to explain further which didn't help one bit, but everyone got tired of staring at him and decided to stare at the now setting sun. "I'd do anything to get away from him," Cub said. "Or False, or Keralis, or Impulse," then conveniently and suspiciously in time, out of some mysterious smoke, some kind of... creature? Came out of the smoke

"Well then, you're in luck!" The thing said, and it was obvious it was female. It seemed to be some kind of dragon hybrid, Ender Dragon maybe? And had a crop top with decked out armor on the bottom. She also had some kid of belt with fabric that would cover her private if she didn't already have pants on.

"Uh, how?" Cub asked. The girl who seemed to be in her 20

"They're creating the server of paradise, everyone," She continued. "It's called Dream Island. It's one square mile (2.5 kilometers for all you people outside of the US) of luxury. It has a 5 star hotel, a casino, six restaurants, robot servants, and the server's whitelisted, so the winner gets to chose who's allowed in, and who's not!" She described trying to sound all excited too hard.

"Ok, what does it cost?" Cub asked. If he couldn't pay it entirely, he might borrow some of his best friend's diamonds because that's what friends do! /s

"Not even a penny," The woman responded.

"Sounds like a deal! Me and my friend'll take it!" Cub answered excitedly.

"But what about about the rest of the people here? Don't they want it too?" The mysterious being asked.

"Well, I wouldn't give up that server for anything," Cub answered.

"Everyone here's thinking the same thing," she responded. "So you know what that means. We must settle this with a reality TV show- I mean, a contest."

Cue the intro

"So yeah," the mysterious woman who still hasn't given her name yet said, "whoever stays on this plank the longest wins."

"Go."

"Let's help each other," Stress said. She wouldn't let this contest affect her! Or at least she hoped so.

"Yeah!" Jevin agreed.

"Tango, wake up! What are you doing?" Ren asked Tango, who was clearly asleep for some reason.

"Uh oh!" Impulse said as he slipped off the bar, to which no one noticed.

"Get out of my way!" False said as she was pushing people into the pool of water underneath the plank with her sword. "I need my space!"

"Help me, Jevin!" Stress said as she was falling and close to becoming another one of False's victims. Being made of slime was pretty convenient in this situation though, as he was able to stretch and easily save her from the cold, murky waters of failure.

"Thanks!" Stress said.

"Let's form an alliance!" Mumbo said to the Architect team who all agreed with him, but it unfortunately fell over unwanted ears, as Bdubs heard over from the other side of the plank and was interested now.

"Did I hear an alliance is being formed? I've gotta join!" Bdubs said as rushed over, pushing Scar off the plank on the way.

"Can I be part-" was all Bdubs was able to say before they were all falling into the ocean.

"No." was the only thing Iskall said before they all fell into the water and had Dream Island out of their reach. While all of this was happening, Ren was still trying to wake up Tango.

"Tango, wake up!" Ren said while shaking him before he accidentally put him down too close to the plank and he started to fall. "Oops," but just then, Tango woke up and walked back up on the plank, pushing Ren off in the process.

"Ren! Don't ever-" Tango said before he realized what he just did. "Whoops,"

Final 6!

"Look, there's the evil False," Stress said to Jevin as she pointed at False. "She's still in,"

"Let's run her over!" Jevin suggested to False.

"Yeah!" She said, excitedly. This was only a harmless joke, she was gonna apologize later!

"Uh oh," Tango thought out loud as they started trampling over. The plan didn't work, however, and the two got kicked into the air by False.

"Hey, we're flying!" Jevin realized.

"You're right! Woohoo!" Stress confirmed, completely forgetting that what comes up, must come down.

"Uh-oh," Jevin remembered as they almost fell off the plank with TFC, but Stress managed to get a grip.

"Pull up," Jevin commanded Stress.

"I... can't!" Stress realized, getting ready for their fate. "Oh no! Tango? Zedaph? Help!" Stress cried for help. Eventually, Tango stepped on her hand, preventing it from falling any further.

"What is it?!" Tango asked, annoyed.

"You're stepping on my hand." Stress mentioned as Tango got off her foot.

"There, better now?" Tango asked.

"Yes, now pull us up." Stress said, but as Tango tried to pull the three up, he fell over and only had his feet on the plank now, the only part that still had a chance of getting the invite to Dream Island.

"Hold onto my other arm, TFC," Stress told him, who complied. Then the hugest dick on the planet towered over them as she started laughing in that cartoon villain sort of way.

"Ha, ha! I'm wearing non-slip shoes, so boo-hoo you weirdos!" False mocked them in her usual annoying way when Tango came up with an idea and kicked her over with one of his feet, but False grabbed onto Jevin to his extreme dislike before he came up with the idea to... lick her?

"Aaah, AAAHHH!" False screamed as she instinctively pulled away, but she instantly realized was a big mistake when she starting falling, falling, and eventually into failure.

"Nice work, Jevin! A job well done!" Stress complimented Jevin's great idea.

"TFC, let's swing!" Jevin said as they swinged back onto the plank, completely forgetting about Tango and Stress.

"Jevin, alliance, remember?" Stress reminded Jevin, who pulled Stress back up onto the plank.

"Stress! You're stepping on me!" Tango said.

"What?" Stress said before Tango fell. "Oops,"

Final 4!

TFC was the first to think and the quickest, as he pushed the unsuspecting Zedaph into the water, who seemed to be having another acid trip. He pushed a little too far, though, as he also fell into the dark, cold water. Now it was just Jevin and Stress left in the battle.

"Rock, paper, scissors!" They said in coordination. Stress chose paper, while Jevin chose scissors.

"Scissors beats paper, so I get to push you off!" Jevin announced, which surprised Stress.

"Wait, what!? I never agreed to that!" Stress said.

"Ok, here's the thing: when I win, I'll invite you to Dream Island." Jevin said, trying to make a deal with Stress.

"This still isn't fair, Jevin," Stress confronted him.

"Only one of us can will, after all," Jevin said while holding up

his middle finger instead of his pointer.

"Jevin, wrong finger." Stress reminded him.

"Whoops," Jevin said with an awkward chuckle. "But my point still stands."

"And that's where you're wrong," the mysterious woman popped out from a cloud of smoke once again. "You two both win!"

"We both get the invite?" Jevin asked.

"Not quite, you two actually get to choose teams for a more longer, larger competition for the invite to Dream Island."

[single-malt-scotch]

still no art rn bc i got a bit burnt out w all the drawing around double life- so im just still binging s7 videos aaaand well i finished grian's s7 series lol. i definitely watched nearly all the episodes i think unlike s6 where i jumped around. im still going back and watching other pov's of s7 though, itll just take me a bit. but, the consensus:

i watch grian's s6, s7, most of s8 and what there is of s9. i had started s8 after watching s9 (which i watched first) but i stopped when i decided i wanted to go all the way back to 6 instead, but also cuz i wasnt super into the plot heaviness of that season. i maaay go back to s8 and finish it since its so short but im not sure, it still wasnt hitting like s6 or s7 to me.

my Onion right now is, s6 is one i may go back and watch more of- i watched grian bc i wanted to get to know him more and see if i enjoyed his style. he was also new that season so i feel like it was a more skewed perspective since he didnt know everyone well and wasnt hanging out with many other people yet? but again idk who i may watch from that season (i enjoy seeing people interact the most tbh so i am not sure who i may jump to). but once i got into s7 i can say it has by far been a favorite and was very thrilled to see grian interacting more consistently with other members too- especially those i wanted to watch that season like etho and bdubs. i will probably go and watch etho myself too, and i watched a few eps of bdubs to tie up some loose ends. overall s7 had so many things in it that made me want to go check out other videos and while i may, im pleased that grian took more time to go out and about to see other people's bases and the events that made people go out more. the turf war, base swap, and secret bases were all key events that i found quite amusing and i felt they were all wrapped up quite well too. it seemed like everyone had better ideas of what they wanted to do and carry through in terms of stuff to plan. i was also wondering when the proxy mod came in so glad i got that covered by the end of that season lol. which brings to me my remaining thoughts into s8 and proxy mod--

so s8 sits very different w me now after watching 6 and 7. obviously those two were longer, and im kinda surprised to remember s7 took place during covid because it really didnt feel like it?? it seemed like they were all very productive, and i guess when your whole thing is playing inside on minecraft then, it wouldnt be too affected lol. but still, surprised i didnt see any clear hiccups even if they tried to keep that out of the videos on purpose. anyways, s8 and proxy mod.... when i watched s9 and the life series around the same time i was intrigued by the proxy mod as i hadnt ever seen any smps just using it constantly. for Life it made sense for sure, but working my way backwards in the HC seasons i guess i can see the pros and cons from my perspective...

i got quite accustomed to the uh, "old style" of videos with s 6 and 7. you know, recording on your own and hopping into calls when you wanted to interact further but otherwise typing in chats. i didnt realize how.... hm. different that is for the viewing experience. it allowed me to focus far more on the person im watching and makes certain interactions more amusing when its limited in chat. Proxy is convenient, and i do think its fun to hear people get closer or farther, or to surprise them. but the near constant of it being on kinda makes it feel like a never ending voice call, and i dont feel like (at least from grian's perspective as its the only i watched) it gives the person time to focus as much sometimes? and it doesnt always feel like the creators are actually addressing the audience anymore, as they are often focused on talking to those around them. its hard to say, bc i think part of it has to do with it being new, so everyone wants to use it a lot and get used to it. and i wouldnt say it ruins the videos either. but its a whole different feeling!

i think its nice to have the creators have their own space to commentate and then go into calls to talk w people because it better seperates the content. i do think the proximity part of proxy mod is fun and great for shenanigans. i think it being constantly on can hinder some things, and i hope to see more separation/muting in the future maybe...

[my-craft]

Okay so here’s my take on it

Long post under the cut

“I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world,”

This line reminds me of the reading of ‘‘twas the night before Christmas”. The main ending events started almost right after the ‘night’ so everyone really was waking up at the start of the end of the world.

“But its feeling just like every other morning before,”

This is just the vibe from literally everyone. Grian is still working on his base, everyone is just ‘well, this is happening’ and moving on.

“Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,”

This just reminds me of XB alone in the base thinking of what is going to happen if the world explodes.

“The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour”

(In the same tune) *The blocks are floating like a half meter into the sky*

“And I started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye”

Everyone watching boatem get into the plane and giving their goodbyes to the rest of the server. They were all the passengers trying to get out of there.

“Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?”

This line I like to think of mr. mumbo jumbo. He was the first one on the hermatrics hit list and became the CEO of boatem by chance. He created a moon cult to try and help them and then tried to destroy the moon. All of which failed. He’s so incredibly special but I doubt he would realize it.

*chorus*

“I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know”

I like to think that while keralis was trying to find his friends to get out of there he could have looked at the clock across the ocean and seen the time, he just didn’t.

“Then I can't remember caring for an hour or so”

Bdubs running the horse track, not caring that his friends were leaving and just enjoying the silence and riches.

“Started crying and I couldn't stop myself”

Every single fan.

“I started running but there's no where to run to”

Cleo trying to run away from the blast only to get sent to the end. She’s stuck in the middle of no where.

“I sat down on the street and took a look at myself”

Rendog looking at what he’s been doing while staring at the heads of his friends. He had to do a hard reset after his mind was friend by potatoes

“Said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell”

Docm77 knew this was a weird chunk. He knew there were things going wrong and sideways with this world. He of all people knew that something was going to happen.

“Say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to”

Tango. Tango being shot into space, now completely alone with no one, not even holtsen to say goodbye to.

“It's gone gone, baby its all gone

“There is no one on the corner and there's no one at home”

“It was cool cool, it was just all cool

Now it's over for me, and it's over for you”

This feels like two peoples perspectives. This feels like Bdubs walking around an empty world and realizing what is happening. But it also feels like Ren after he steps into the portal. It’s over, and it was so cool

“But I believe the world is burning to the ground

Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out”

The world literally burned and the general feeling was ‘oh well’. They are just going to find out what was happening

“Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end”

Ren and doc with the hermatirix, everyone with their moon trackers, mumbos ‘club’, they all could tell the moon was getting big.

“Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,”

*it was all a dream* or a way to transport hermits to a new season.

“Let's see how far we've come”

They’ve all come SO FREAKING FAR this season. They’ve created some amazing builds, mumbo has taken his place among the builders, Bdubs has started redstone, doc and Ren created some of the wildest server breaking builds, Grian with the boat prank, they’ve come so far and they should be incredibly proud of themselves.

That’s my take on it! Ty for asking and I’m sorry for such a long read!

"nice little plains biome!"

nice little plains biome

[confessionsofatwentysomethin]

Guess who’s back, back again.

It’s me, your favorite 20 something, one year later from what I can only surmise as a shit show from what I just read because I thought it would be a great idea to recap myself on what you all must think of me.

I cried a lot reading the posts I didn’t remember writing because I was out of my mind curling up at the bottom of whatever bottle I’d come across that day; I cried, even more, reading the posts I did remember because all of that pain and melancholy still exists like boulders in the luggage of my runaway heart.

There have been too many boys, friends, men, bottles, smiles, drugs, laughs, cries, midnight vomit sessions, breaths of fresh air, happy days, and days I didn’t think I’d recover from to count. Honestly, 2018 was the happiest and saddest year I have lived this far. I’m sure as we chat a little more, details will begin to reval themselves and stories will come up. These are just the important ones I don’t want to half ass.

I want to start this post with a small message to Janurary 2018 Angela:

I know you’re really butthurt about Nathaniel but WE (I) FUCKED HIS HOT COUSIN NICK AND HE WILL NEVER FIND OUT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO HURT HIM LIKE THAT OR DEAL WITH THE REPERCUSSIONS BUT IF WE EVER DID TELL HIM IT WOULD SHATTER HIM AND HIS FRAGILE EGO. So forget that dude, Nick was a fucking 14/10 and you fucking nailed that REPEATEDLY and Nathaniel still sucks even to this day so get over it you big, beautiful fucking queen.

Anyway, back to raw, emotional, reflective Angela (our regularly scheduled programming):

New years 2018 has become an iconic day in my life and the lives of every person in my once close-knit group of high school friends. Ryan’s girlfriend Monika slept with Ryan’s best friends Matt and Mason, and all three boys were some of my closest friends for years. 

Sure, it’s a huge joke amongst those of us who still strain relationships through the wreckage that night and the nights leading up to it caused, that everyone got to see everyone topless and I made out with Jordan and Ashley like it was some innate thing that I’d always wanted to do (because we literally all made eye contact and just started making out, zero prompting from anyone... I totally admit that it’s the only moment where I genuinely questioned my sexuality lmao). However, no number of boobs of old friends is ever going to make me forget the way two of my friends betrayed Ryan.

Nevermind the fact the Monika gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few months ago. Don’t worry, we all did the math, it’s not Matt or Mason’s... but the lack of loyalty on that girl does not suggest he is genetically Ryan’s, which isn’t stopping him from being with her, which makes pretty much all of us dead to him. Can we blame him? I don’t, not even one bit. I can’t imagine the feeling Ryan must have carried for months, the betrayal. I’m not saying I understand why he stayed with her and shut every single one of us out, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable that he did. I have, and always will wish him the best; I hope his son grows up loved, happy, and healthy, and that Monika can grow up for his sake.

With that being said, I really do think that day was the last nail in the coffin for this page. I was so overwhelmed with processing the entire thing and how exactly I fit into it, that I really do think I had to turn my mind off for a long time to survive it in a healthy way. I lost faith and respect for two boys that I had watched grow into men that I loved and respected like the older brothers I had prayed for years to have. I would never be able to look at them the same way, and it made me feel selfish for making it about me that I just didn’t, not even to myself. 

I did not speak to anybody in that group for about 10 months before I responded to one of the many invitations to come together with what was left of the group, which was Lucas and his girlfriend Little Taylor, and that only lasted a little while until New Years 2019 when they got into an immature fight like they always do, and I couldn’t help myself; I called them out on it, and now I guess we aren’t speaking. New years 2019 was the first time I had seen Matt and Mason, it was as if nothing had changed, and like always, they made jokes about what upsets them: Ryan being gone, Ryan being a Dad, our group is in pieces and we don’t talk about it unless it’s a low blow to someone who isn’t even around to stand up for themselves.

I had an alright time. I had gone with my friend Tim from Bdubs Dekalb circa 2015 to his sisters wedding, and missed the stroke of midnight, which was okay because I was perfectly comfortable spending the first two minutes alone in my car. We got drunk, nostalgic, and silly, just how I wanted to remember them. I really do love every single one of them for surviving all of the teenage recklessness we stirred up together, but part of growing up was realizing that not all of your friends are friends who can be trusted with anything but drunken jokes and stupid nights. I love them for being drunk and stupid, and I am okay with just that.

2018... what a fucking year. I Don’t even think I remember all of it. From the looks of my posts, it might not be because I naturally have a horrible memory, Rumplemintz definitely had something to do with it.

2018 was that year I loved Cirissa and Chris, the couple who gave me hope and faith in a love that slowly matures but never grows old... until I realized that they had too many problems for me to start analyzing the way they were. Chronic alcoholism, a marriage that was a mix of co-dependence, lack of confidence to get anybody else, and fear of being alone sprinkled on top of a genuine love that was the root of my admiration. Every night we were together, we were the three best friends that anybody could have, our soundtrack was every Disney song we could get our hands on; we got off work, and my tongue always tasted like peppermint schnapps, and they would let me hit the button on the slot machine they chose that evening.

It was a fast, hard, deep, loving friendship for a year, and I wouldn’t trade that time for anything in the world. I have never for one second doubted that Cirissa truly did love me like a sister, and sometimes like a mom, and she did everything she could to make me feel that love as deeply as this heart could let me. There isn’t enough time in the world to go through how grateful I am for the emo sing alongs, drunken heart to hearts, and hugs that really did hold me together when I was falling apart.

Chris truly is one of the greatest men I have ever known, and I know he loved me like the really cool tomboy sister he never had. So many heavy metal nights and pep talks about how amazing I am, and how much better I deserve, and I am literally sobbing like an idiot because I miss the support and friendship that these two gave me so dearly.

The truth is, as much as I cherish them and all the crazy shit we did, it wasn’t healthy at all. I cannot blame anybody but myself for all of the liquor that I let take a shot at filling up my emptiness, but they were the cheerleaders that helped me believe that one day my demons would drown.

I know well enough now that there’s never going to be a moment where my vices beat my pain or complexities, and that mentality has tried to thrive in the little wasted snowglobe we created for the three best friends and died every single damn time.

There is no way in hell that Christian Boyajian will ever fit into words on a computer screen or a book or even an encyclopedia. Not because he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me; not because he is particularly special; not because I’ll never forget him or get over him or stop loving him.

Christian was simply someone who came into my life, and changed it forever, He changed me in ways that I had always written about but had no idea how heavy the words I was saying actually were.

June 2017 or somewhere in there, we had met on POF and bonded over Batman and how we both grew up so close to each other. I remember feeling like he was funny, smart, worldly, and clever. He’s in the Navy, and we lost touch because I’ve been a fuckboy for years, and he deployed before we got close enough for me to ever imagine signing up to be a navy girlfriend.

Fast forward to March 2018, we reconnected on POF. I was wasted at coach house with my friends, and it was like no time had passed.

He was living in San Diego, I was back in Illinois still, and we facetimed every night for a month before I decided to fly out to meet him. He told me he loved me before I even got on the plane. I knew it was fast, but I was so sick of being drunk and numb that I let myself feel whatever I wanted. I did know that I wanted to say I loved him to his face, like I always have with anyone.

I didn’t even write love poems about him, just fragments that still litter the notepad on my phone, because I knew it would be over faster than I could write it down and I wanted to soak up every single fucking second of being loved because I genuinely didn’t know if I would ever get the chance again.

Standing in front of him for the first 24 hours, I was on top of the world. I was loved. I was worshipped. I was unbreakable. But after that euphoria gave way to reality, the conversations about me moving to California didn’t seem as exciting to him. He started petty fights and didn’t look at me like his world was in my eyes anymore.

The worst part of finally getting to feel all of the beautiful things that I wrote about being in a love I knew nothing about before him, was having to feel all of the soul crushing things that I wrote about after I thought I had failed at love, except this time it was so real that it really did break me into a million tiny pieces.

I literally watched him lose interest infront of me without the barrier of a screen to make it feel a little less human. He stopped holding my hand in the car, made heart-breaking attempts to pretend he still wanted to keep all of his promises, and tried to break up with me at a Portillos. I, of course, didn’t let that happen because nobody gets dumped at Portillos. I will be fucking damned if you try to ruin the world’s best goddamn beef sandwich for me, fucking asshole. 

I loved him so fucking much that when he called me after a week of the silent treatment, all I could say was “you promised me. You fucking promised me, Christian. You won, you got me, that actually hurts” and he was so cold and disassociated that I knew that he had. I had finally felt something and it went from being so beautiful and reckless and amazing to an earth shattering sound I can never reproduce clawing its way out of my throat and dragging me to my fucking knees in my garage. I had poured so much of myself into him that I didn’t even have the strength to get off the concrete for 15 minutes. I just laid there and cried when we hung up because I had been so stoic during the call. I remember he had said “Goodnight, Angela.” and I replied coldly with “Goodbye, Christian”.because I wanted to rob him of the opportunity to feel like he would be missed, like all of this meant anything, just like he had robbed me.

Christian was everything I projected onto all of those boys before about how I craved to be loved, and everything I had projected on those goodbyes before him that I fabricated to write gut-wrenching poetry.

The only hard part of that was actually feeling it, and I finally understand that I cannot ever write things because they sound good because someday I will have to feel them and I have to be incredibly careful what I wish for.

I found out in October 2019 that he had gotten into a relationship 2 weeks after we broke up, and all the pain I had tried to pickle in vodka took a new breath of life, and it took me months to build peace with it again.

I didn’t even speak to a boy romantically for six months after that, which actually occurred a week ago... so there’s that for a timeline. We’ll get to present day soon, I swear.

Taylor, my beloved person, my forever friend, is gone. Not dead, just fucking gone. Christian and I had broken up in the beginning of July, she had gone through all that with me, gotten into a relationship with a guy named Ben who laughed like a goose and constantly saddled her with his alcohol issues (totally not judging because I have my own issues with alcohol but she didn’t and I wanted to protect her the best I could because I loved her so so much) (that ‘d’ was really hard to put after love, I guess it’s still raw). September came around, time for my birthday. I wasn’t particularly excited this year because if the depression and alcoholism and crippling loneliness, but she was determined to revive my normal birthday over-enthusiasm. So, she did, and when it came time... she couldn’t seem to follow through. 

She’s a beautiful writer, but I think every writer is guilty at some point in their life of having more beautiful words than beautiful actions, and this was hers.

An extravagant birthday dripping in mimosas and mani pedis before a night of dressing to the nines and going out on the town somehow got stripped down to Walmart face masks and painting each other’s nails at home for the weekend I had requested off work an entire month in advance... and I had to tell her that I could do that on a normal day, but not my birthday weekend. 

She got her wisdom teeth out just days before, and tried to tell me it wasn’t an appointment scheduled months in advance. I told her I was driving to Nashville for my birthday, and we could do a DIY spa day upon my return, but it really hurt me that she couldn’t be bothered to follow through with her promises, even if they weren’t as big in real life as they were in my inbox. She knew it was a dark time for me, and she put forth so little effort to build me back up the way I have always worked so hard to give her a big beautiful life full of laughter and stupid jokes and amazing memories.

We have spoken once since I sent that text. It was an accidental 2am FaceTime butt dial where she immediately hung up and said “sorry I left my phone open in my pocket”. I didn’t respond, and I lost my best friend because I told her that she hurt me, and the best way to deal with that is not to deal with it at all, I suppose.

Treasure and I reunited shortly after this, but not too shortly because I wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need a “person” or a best friend or anyone because it had been such a horrible year for depending on others that I truly never wanted to do it ever again.

I got all of the best parts of Treasure back, the jokes, the stories, the laughing in unison, making everyone else in the room uncomfortable because the only ones that mattered to either of us was US. We were stupid but mentally sparred regularly, and kept eachother sharp on political, social, and emotional topics, and really worked to support and better eachother. In my time away from her, I grew my own voice, opinion, and sense of direction. This new characteristics allowed our friendship to flourish, and still is. She is still with DeAndre, and loves his son very much. I met him once, he”s smart and amazing and loves me. Her life is so filled with love, and I could see that she had found her corner of the universe. I was so happy to have her back in this new and healthy way, that it almost made it impossible to leave her.

Oh, here’s the kicker: I picked up my life and moved again, but this time? I moved to Seattle.

This is day 22 that I am wrapping up, 

and that’s exactly why I’m back, bitches.