#but he won’t go through with it and will ultimately choose to sacrifice himself AGAIN

[nightswatchdisbandmentera]

Jon becoming KiTN in Winds (specifically) would actually be bad as far as themes go

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers CHAOS LINEAGE ー Subaru [15]

Monologue

After rushing out of the Violet Manor,

I mindlessly ran through the night.

Where could Subaru-kun have gone?

He had an intense fight with Ayato-kun,

while Reiji-san betrayed him.

So where exactly could he have headed,

after escaping the Violet Manor?

ー The scene starts at a path alongside a cliff in the forest

Yui: ( The abandoned shed, or the cave...Where should I run to? )

( The place he seems most likely to go to... )

Selection

→ Where we hid together (🖤)

Yui: ( I really think he might be either at the cave or the abanadoned shed where we hid together. )

( The only two places where we could be together... )

( But is he actually there...? )

Monologue

It was at that moment,

when I suddenly remembered,

where this World full of lies begun,

ーー The Church.

The place where I awoke as Eve. 

The origin of this World.

→ Where I woke up (♡)

Yui: ( Come to think of it, we found ourselves in this strange situation ever since I woke up at that one place.... )

( Everyone’s memories were messed up and Subaru-kun had forgotten about me. )

( It was incredibly hard and painful, but I somehow managed to get Subaru-kun to remember regardless. )

( However, we’ve reached this point, unable to any of the other issues. )

( If Subaru-kun were to try doing what I fear he might... )

( No! Please don’t do that...! )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the Church

*Creaaaaak*

Yui: ...Haah, haah...

( I’m going almost entirely off intuition but Subaru-kun is... )

ー She spots him in the distance

Yui: ...Subaru-kun!?

-> BRANCH: EUPHORIA ENDING

The game does not tell you if you are in the Euphoria or the Labyrinth branch. In the Euphoria version of this chapter, this is what Subaru’s first line after the branch looks like:

は? んだよ...なんでお前ここにいんだよ

Subaru: Hah? The fuck...Why are you here? 

Yui: As soon as I heard that you had escaped the dungeon, I...

You had been acting off for a while now, I just felt like something bad was going to happen...

I assumed that you were perhaps trying to burden it all by yourself again. That’s when the Church came to mind...

Also that blood...! Did your wounds open up perhaps!? You pushed yourself coming all the way over here, didn’t you...?

Subaru: Hah...You’ve got some great instincts.

Yui: ...Ugh.

( ...What now? My heart won’t stop pounding. )

( On one hand I’m glad I found him, but on the flip side, I’m growing increasingly more anxious. )

( ...I wonder why? )

Subaru: What’s wrong? Why aren’t you saying anything?

Yui: ( Right, it’s because of the resolute, clear look in his eyes. )

( Just like we when surrounded by Carla-san and the others in the forest back then... )

( It reminds me of the vibes he gave off when he had made up his mind to sacrifice himself as long as he could assure my safety at least. )

Subaru-kun...! 

ー She embraces him

Subaru: For real, what has gotten into you?

Yui: I mean...I’m afraid that at this rate, you’ll vanish somewhere...

Subaru: ...

Yui: Are you perhaps thinking of doing the thing Socrates-san told us about?

You’re trying to destroy this World by sacrificing yourself, no...?

You definitely mustn’t! I don’t want you to have to be sacrificed for me to be saved!

Subaru: Please understand.

ー He returns the hug

*Rustle*

Subaru: I can do anything for your sake.

Yui: No, stop! Don’t say that!!

Subaru: In the end, my injuries never fully healed. In this worn-down state, there’s only so much I can do to keep you safe.

So instead of failing to protect you and ultimately meeting my end by being killed by someone after being left all alone in this World, I’d much rather choose the definitive way to protect you.

If I sacrifice myself, this World will fall apart, right?

Then everyone’s memories will come back, and they’ll no longer participate in this Battle Royal.

You’ll no longer be targeted because you’re Eve either. Everyone will be saved.

Yui: But that doesn’t include you, does it!? I don’t want that!

*Woosh*

Yui: ...!?

Subaru: W-What was that flash of light just now...!?

Socrates: The experiment is reaching its final phase.

Yui: This light, and voice...Socrates-san!?

Subaru: So you show yourself again, huh?

Socrates: Eve, there is not just one choice.

Yui: What do you mean?

Socrates: To destroy this miniature World, one sacrifice is needed...

However, this sacrifice does not need to be a Vampire.

Yui: ...You mean...?

Subaru: ...

Yui: ( Only one person needs to be sacrificed. So there is a way to fix this without Subaru-kun having to give up his life. )

( ...How come I never realized this before? )

( I should have done this much sooner! )

Subaru: Oi, Yui...!

Yui: I’ll sacrifice myself!

Subaru: Hah!? What are you sayin’...!?

Socrates: Very well said. Now please show me that your resolve is more than just talk.

*Cling*

Socrates: Stab yourself in the heart with this knife. If you do so, the others will be able to break free in return for your life.

Yui: ...Yes!!

Subaru: Cut the crap!! I don’t get a say in this!?

I won’t let you do that! Give me that knife!

Socrates: Eve has made her resolve. Could you please not interfere?

*Woosh*

Yui: Kyah...!

( I’ve been swept up by a strong gust of wind, and I’m floating...!? )

Subaru: Oi! Where are you takin’ her!?

Socrates: Somewhere you will not be able to get in the way. I shall allow her to pass away in peace there.

Subaru: Stop! Please, don’t...!! Don’t take her away!!

Yui: I’m sorry, Subaru-kun...

Subaru: Uwaaaaah!

Yui: ( ...Subaru-kun’s calling out my name. )

( On top of his lungs, to the point where I can hear it even through this strong wind. )

( He’s desperately reaching out his hand, trying to save me... )

( I’m so sorry, Subaru-kun. But please, cry no more. )

( This is for the best. )

( I don’t want to be saved by you, but be the one to save you. )

 ( You’re always there prtoecting me, so now it’s my turn, okay? )

( That’s why ーー This is goodbye. )

Subaru: ...Fuck this.

I told you I’d keep you safe, no matter what, remember!?

No way in hell I’m lettin’ you go!

*Thud*

Monologue

It was at that exact moment,

someobdy strongly grabbed hold of my right hand.

This touch, which I knew all too well...

[EUPHORIA END]

-> BRANCH: LABYRINTH ENDING

The game does not tell you if you are in the Euphoria or the Labyrinth branch. In the Labyrinth version of this chapter, this is what Yui’s first line after the branch looks like:

スバルくん? スバルくん、しっかりして...!

Yui: Subaru-kun? Subaru-kun, hang in there...!

ー She rushes to his side

Monologue

I found Subaru-kun collapsed on the floor in the middle of the Church.

Perhaps he had pushed himself to make it this far,

but his wound had opened up, his clothes now drenched in blood.

He might be reaching his physical limits,

all worn out after going to extremes all to keep me safe.

Even after I helped him sit up,

he simply weakly groaned in response.

*Rustle*

Yui: Subaru-kun, please! Open your eyes!

Subaru: ...What’s your problem? Shut up.

Yui: Subaru-kun! Thank god, you’ve regained consciousness, right...!?

I came looking for you after I heard you had escaped the Violet Manor’s dungeon.

I’m so glad to see you. You surely escaped to look for a way to break free from this World, didn’t you?

Subaru: ...Yeah. This is pretty much the only suspicious place left.

I mean, I might have made it here but look at me, I’m a worn-out mess...Hah, pathetic.

Yui: No way...You’re not pathetic in the slightest...!

Subaru: Why are you here anyway? Now, out of all times...

Yui: What do you mean by that...?

Subaru: I was lookin’ for a place where I could be alone.

Yui: Why...?

Subaru: Isn’t that obvious!? So I can die alone, without anyone gettin’ in my way.

Yui: You want to sacrifice yourself to destroy this cage!?

Please, don’t do that!

Subaru: ...It’s fine. It’s not like I’ll be able to properly protect you in this state anyway.

If we continue to run away like this, I’ll just get killed by those guys in the end.

If that’s the only other option left, then I’ll choose the path which allows me to protect you for sure.

Yui: No way...

Subaru: Didn’t I tell you? I’ll keep you safe, no matter what it takes.

Yui: Wait...Hold up, Subaru-kun. You can’t do that.

I mean, once you’re gone, I’ll have no reason left to keep on living.

I don’t want to return to our old world if that means you have to get sacrificed!

Subaru: But as long as we’re inside this confined World, the other guys will continue to fight to the death over you.

Yui: ...Ugh.

Subaru: They’re seriously out to kill their actual siblings, blinded by fake memories. What a joke.

Yui: That’s...

Subaru: ...My brothers and those other dudes are annoyin’ as hell, but I guess I don’t mind savin’ their sad asses alongside you.

Yui: You’re far too kind, Subaru-kun...

( He’s gently carressing my cheek... )

Subaru: Idiot. Don’t start cryin’ now. You really are a crybaby, aren’t you?

Yui: Yeah. I’m sorry for always crying. Your hand feels warm.

Subaru: I’m a Vampire, remember? I don’t have a body temperature.

Yui: Perhaps not, but it feels warm to me. I can feel you next to me.

Subaru: I see. But I can’t stay with you any longer. ...Sorry.

Yui: I’m begging you, reconsider...! Don’t say that you’ll sacrifice yourself. Don’t leave me!

Subaru: I don’t want to have to either. But I hate the thought of failin’ to protect you even more. 

That’s why I’ll die right here, right now.

Yui: Subaru-kun...!?

[LABYRINTH END]

[yukidragon]

Do you think if there is a situation with no other choice or solution, Jack will be quick to turn on MC to save himself? For example, he finds out he can get his body back but in order to do so he has to sacrifice someone he loves (MC). Would he do it or not? (Am curious of what your take on this is).

That’s a good question. Jack is in a delicate situation with the threat of hell looming over him. 40 years of endless suffering that he couldn’t escape... can he really bring himself to go back to that?

Jack could sacrifice another person, make some sort of justification that doesn’t break character. They were worthless. They didn’t deserve to stay. He’s here because he’s needed. He’s not worthless. He’s not a burden. He’ll prove it!

If MC is the one who must be sacrificed? Now that’s another story. They’re the one who saved Jack. Their need for him is his salvation. He loves them, he sincerely cares for them, and he wants what’s best for them... How could he even handle the thought of them facing that cold, sleepless hell like he suffered through, let alone be the one to damn them, especially after they were the one to save him?

It’s not something Jack could decide easily, and certainly not quickly, especially depending on the choices of the MC. If they choose him, the thought is unthinkable! If they’re pulling away from him, even suspecting him, considering sending him back...

Jack won’t hurt MC, he can’t, so how could they...?

I think that would break Jack.

Even then... I think Jack wouldn’t be able to make that choice to damn MC to hell. He might be able to justify doing unsavory things, especially to others, but to his sunshine? And to damn them to hell of all things? How could he live with himself? He would be in a cold, dark hell of a different making then, and I doubt he could ever sleep again...

Also, on a meta level, I don’t think this is something Jack would do. It’s been stressed that he can’t and won’t do anything MC doesn’t want. Unless MC makes the choice, it’s not going to happen.

Now... do I think Jack could justify convincing MC to temporarily go inside the tape until he can secure their happy ending? That’s something he could be potentially pushed to if his sanity fractures further with the fear of losing his love and being damned back to hell for eternity...

Ultimately though, I think if Jack had the choice of him or his sunshine making the sacrifice... I believe he would choose himself every time.

...Well, after he exhausts all his other options and has no more lambs left to sacrifice in his place.

Jack promised to be friends forever with his sunshine, and has he ever lied to you?

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

[pirateshauntedbydadjokes]

Below are some thoughts about OFMD that includes spoilers through episode 3 of season 2

This could be a much longer essay but I am spending too much time on it as is, so it won’t have many specific examples. Hopefully I have written enough that you can infer to which events I’m referring.

I really love how Stede’s and Ed’s journeys have mirrored each other, with Stede’s being a little ahead of Ed’s. Stede and ed both start out in unfulfilling lives, feeling trapped by what is expected of them, yearning for something more. Stede leaves his old life and tries to create a new one for himself. When they meet, they immediately connect over this shared feeling and desire and decide to help each other pursue it. They support each other as they explore aspects of life they haven’t before and find love with each other. They both falter a bit in their new roles and their personal growth but try to support the other and will ultimately sacrifice themselves for the other. Then both go through a sudden upset. Ed is betrayed by his first mate and an old friend, makes a huge sacrifice for Stede, and then is abandoned. Stede is arrested and faces a firing squad expecting to be killed, watches Ed make a huge sacrifice for him and finds out he’s been declared dead. While in the resulting emotional turmoil and vulnerability, an antagonist destroys the sense of safety and security that is needed to allow them to grow in a healthy way. The antagonist threatens them and affirms their biggest insecurities, their worries and any other sources of self-hatred. This causes both of them to spiral hard and return to their worst behaviors and mindsets. They both engage in self-destructive behaviors and seriously harm those around them. The harm is severe enough that someone close to them(in Ed’s case multiple people including himself) tries to murder them. Both have a heart to heart with the one who wanted to kill them immediately after the attempted murder. in Ed’s case, it is Ed because although it is the crew that kills him, they do so only because Ed makes them choose between killing him or dying with him. In Stede’s case, Mary is both the person who wants to kill Stede and the one who tries to. In this Heart to heart they are able to do some self reflection and choose life because of their love for each other. Stede does this metaphorically, while Ed does this literally

Now that brings us up to where the show has left off so far for Ed’s journey. At this point I think their journeys will start to diverge more. Frankly, I don’t think Stede has done that much growth yet in season 2. At the end of season 1, he makes his amends to his family and sets off to find Ed. And finding Ed has been his sole focus in the first three episodes. From the trailer and the promotional images, I am going to assume that in the next episode the reunion is not going to go well and they will split up again, during which time both will be focusing on their own personal journeys. Both Characters are deeply flawed and while they couldn’t see it while they were spiraling, they are both lovable and redeemable. They took some meaningful steps forward in season 1 and then many steps back. They’re both starting to take steps forward again and I’m excited to see where they’ll go from here.

[david-talks-sw]

Anakin knows what he’s doing is wrong...

Whenever I read people using the idea that “from Anakin’s point of view the Jedi are evil” as the ultimate proof that he felt bullied by them, I roll my eyes. Anakin is intelligent enough to know when he’s wrong.

He doesn’t really think the Jedi are evil, he’s lying to himself, he bought his own con.

Anakin was a good kid to begin with, and with the Jedi training he became a great man. If you look at things objectively, Anakin is 90% of a great Jedi. He’s seemingly learned all the rules, and is wise enough to teach them to others:

Be it by telling Ahsoka that she needs to follow the rules, she can’t just go around and do whatever she feels like, it’ll lead to trouble…

… by encouraging his Padawan not to be too hard on herself…

… or be it by encouraging rational thought over hotheadedness.

In that last image, Anakin is Anakin telling Ahsoka and Rex to stop letting their emotions do the thinking and act logically. He’s telling them to be prudent.

Hell, he even believes that patience is a virtue.

Anakin is a trained Jedi Knight. He has the theoretical know-how to get out of his problems, in ROTS.

In fact, a lot of people forget this, but Anakin’s first instinct, upon finding out Palpatine is, in fact, Darth Sidious, is this:

The Jedi are Anakin’s family. If Palpatine is asking Anakin to choose between the Chancellor and the Jedi, he’ll choose the Jedi every damn time (which is why Palpatine makes Anakin choose between the Jedi and Padmé, instead).

So where’s the problem?

That last 10% of what makes a great Jedi. Introspection, self-control.

Despite being wise, clever and thinking rationally - Anakin has trouble applying those lessons to himself.

When it comes to his own personal problems, he's hard on himself, he’s impatient, he breaks the rules and acts out of emotion instead of thinking things through.

As Obi-Wan puts it:

As a result of this flaw, Anakin keeps choosing the wrong path, despite knowing that it’s the wrong path. The Force puts a lot of tests in front of him, and he keeps choosing the easy way out, rather than the more difficult but ultimately satisfying path.

His mother was killed. He can choose to genocide a whole Tusken village, or be the better man and just walk away. He kills the Tuskens.

Dooku is unarmed and helpless. Anakin can either kill him in a rage, out of revenge, or he can capture him, bring him to justice, and potentially discover the identity of the second Sith Lord. He kills Dooku.

Windu is also helpless (his hand was just cut off by Anakin) and Palpatine is killing him. Anakin can either choose to save Windu and arrest Palpatine (who just revealed that he wasn’t “too weak” after all), or he can let Windu die. He lets Windu die.

Padmé tells him that this isn’t what she wants. He can actually listen to her wishes. Or he can go on a maniacal rant about having ultimate power, ignoring her own opinions completely. He goes on a rant, drunk with power. Then chokes her.

Obi-Wan tells him to stop, tries to reason with him: Chancellor Palpatine is evil. Anakin knows this. He can stop lying to himself and accept his mistakes, ending the fight. Or he can give Obi-Wan his two-cent rationalization about the Jedi being evil (which he doesn’t even really believe in), and keep trying to kill Obi-Wan. He keeps trying to kill Obi-Wan.

The more the War goes on, the more it gets easy for Anakin to take the easy path, over and over. But he knows it’s the wrong thing to do.

In the director’s commentary of Revenge of the Sith, George Lucas said this about the following two scenes:

“I like this scene because he's lying to her and he's rationalizing it at the same time by saying he's doing it all for her. He's loyal to the senate and the chancellor and her. But in the end- I mean, he's twisted every fact to his own rationale to make it seem like it's okay, but in the process of lying to her he's actually just lying to himself and rationalizing his behavior. 'Cause he knows he's wrong, but he won't admit it […] he's too far gone- that he could murder a bunch of kids… and then go and rationalize it to her as just doing his job.”

“The tear [on Anakin’s face] says that he knows what he's done, but he has now committed himself to a path that he may not agree with… but he is going to go on anyway. It's the one moment that says he's self-aware that he's rationalizing all his behavior. He's doing terrible things, but in the end he really knows the truth. He knows that he's evil now, and there's nothing he can do about it.”

Anakin tells himself that he’s doing this for Padmé, he’s doing this because the Jedi betrayed him, blabla.

Truth is? He’s just really really scared. And that made him do really bad things.

There’s this incredible moment in Darth Vader: Lord of the Sith #5.

Vader has taken the lightsaber off a Jedi, and now he has to corrupt the saber’s crystal to get his red blade.

The crystal, and by extension, the Force, showed him a vision, a path where he turned to the Light, defeated the Emperor and put an end to his suffering. A path of redemption. This was his reaction:

Vader refuses to take the hard path and chooses the easy path instead, once again. He rejects the Light and hangs on to the pain… because deep down… below the “they betrayed me” bullshit he keeps telling himself… he thinks he deserves it, because he did the wrong thing.

Anakin knows he’s wrong and he’s still goes forward with doing the wrong thing, no matter what test the Force keeps throwing his way.

And that’s why his sacrifice in Return of the Jedi is so impactful. He finally does the right thing, he accepts that it’ll be hard, that he’ll die if he saves Luke… he doesn’t care. Luke loves him, like Padmé did. He failed once. He won’t fail again.

I’m gonna conclude this with one more quote from Lucas:

“It really has to do with learning. Children teach you compassion. They teach you to love unconditionally. Anakin can’t be redeemed for all the pain and suffering he’s caused. He doesn’t right the wrongs, but he stops the horror. The end of the Saga is simply Anakin saying: ‘I care about this person, regardless of what it means to me. I will throw away everything that I have, everything that I have grown to love - primarily the Emperor - and throw away my life, to save this person. And I’m doing this because he has faith in me, loves me despite all the horrible things I’ve done. I broke his mother’s heart, but he still cares about me, and I can’t let that die’.”

[doctorstephenvincentstrange]

What If S1E4 Meta: The True “Heart”

The same way Stephen couldn’t let go of Christine in the fourth installment of What If...?, I haven’t been able to shake this episode off and out of my head since watching it. I’m pretty sure it’s put me through the grieving process. Lately, it’s been haunting me like a ghost, and while mentally revisiting it for the fourteen millionth time, I realized something BRUTAL that I just had to share ASAP!

Hear me out, homies. What if...

The running theme and title of the episode was Stephen Strange losing his “heart.�� But although the setup and storyline seems to suggest the euphemism refers to Christine Palmer, it doesn’t! The “heart” of Stephen Strange is not the girl of his dreams he lost in that car accident, but the greater man he had gained.

OK LISTEN. Let me have a shot to show you what I see (even in shite quality, pardon my crappy screenshots). Let’s start with the DS1 recap, 'cuz I’m still not over the first movie, either, and it’s relevant.

Like the watcher explained, after the devastating and tragic death of the love of his life, Stephen Strange began to look for answers. Not different from Stephen Strange of the sacred timeline, he was obsessed with reversing the great loss and trauma he’d endured. It was with the same perfectionism that made him a great surgeon, that Stephen sought the power to “find his own way back.”

... By any means necessary. 

They both discover that “power” they were searching for when they stumble upon time magic. However, Stephen is lectured that time magic is something that could risk the stability of the universe, and should never be done lightly and certainly never for the sake of one person over all others. Although harm is not his nature and Stephen doesn’t want to hurt anyone, he struggles to give up on his quest to heal his hands, or alternatively, to resurrect Christine. He was told a solution wasn’t out there, but found it in the Book of Cagliostro.

Despite every person that told him it couldn’t be done, Stephen can’t accept that. He won’t admit there’s nothing that can be done, there has to be something he can do. He’s conceited with the delusion he can alter his past to better his present. And he won’t be swayed of it.

But when the Ancient One fell, Stephen Strange rose to take her place and fend against the invading Dormammu. He saw for the first time the world that was so much bigger than him, that he could do so much good for, more than good only for himself. He saw the millions of lives that had not yet been lost to tragedy he could prevent and save from it, even if not what hardships had already been done and could not be undone in his own life. Things he could save, not fix.

And it wasn’t his own life he saved with that time magic in the end, but earth itself. And Stephen Strange became something much bigger than himself. No matter what he’d lost in that car accident, he learned there was still much more he could gain, regardless of what he’d lost. He didn’t need to fix his hands. They were still good.

Better than his brilliant mind, was his beautiful heart. 

His capacity for goodness, not greatness.

And yet, for all the good he’d achieved and learned, on the two year anniversary of Christine’s death, Stephen can’t help but get sucked into his past, and in a moment of weakness, allow his grief power over him once more. He can’t stop reliving the past. He loops it over and over again, trying to reverse fate, trying to find a way to spare Christine and find that “miracle” that must exist to spare her.

The Ancient One has sensed his presence and meddling with the Eye of Agamotto, and warns Stephen that the path he had set himself on would lead him only to more pain. When Stephen refuses to be reasoned with, the Ancient One brandishes him with a single blow before he escapes into the past. He thinks she missed. She didn’t.

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU’RE TO BLAME! DARLING YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME!

But *ahem* seriously, notice how Stephen was struck mid center his chest, directly over his heart. It was in that moment that Stephen Strange lost his “heart,” as the Ancient One had knocked it out of him, just as she had knocked him out of his own oversized head when they first met. Theory: she cast a spell to separate Stephen’s heart from his mind, the two halves that make one complete man.  

Because even if Stephen Strange’s mind was still set on Christine Palmer, his heart had been changed, and there was still hope for it. And Stephen Strange’s heart had enough with “living in the past for one day,” and chose instead to share drinks with Wong.

Meanwhile, Stephen’s “mind” searched the Library of Cagliostro for a way to reverse an absolute point and save Christine. Eventually, he found the answer he was looking for. He needed more power, that could be obtained by otherworldly creatures. Now, harm is not in Stephen’s nature. On his first attempt, he actually tries asking “nicely,” and ends up getting ass kicked.

O’Bengh, the librarian of the books of Cagliostro, patches up his body and tries to warn Stephen. He may have lost his heart, but if he he keeps going at this rate, he was well on his way to losing his mind.

But Stephen didn’t heed those words of warning. He distorted his body, darkened himself with every sacrifice he made for Christine’s sake. So caught up in the memory of Christine’s greatness, Stephen had forgotten he’d once had one of his own. Christine was all he saw. 

So obsessed with her, he lost himself.

When Strange returns to O’Bengh’s side, the librarian has aged and is dying. He reveals the passage of centuries Stephen has spent devoted to this madness. As someone Stephen thinks of as a friend passes away, Stephen can’t think to cherish these last moments or listen carefully to his final words. All he can think is to use his magic to spare O’Bengh, which O’Bengh refuses, trying one last time to reach through to Stephen before giving up and leaving hope to the “heart” to be strong enough to withstand and stop him.

*Wink, wink, wink.* Do you see it now?

Now, onto the confrontation between heart and mind. Stephen’s mind can’t achieve anything if his heart isn’t in it, and I love the symbolism of that. He must get it on board first, unite on both fronts.

Stephen’s heart can recognize that this isn’t love, but the work of his broken mind lost in a delusion. And Stephen’s so far gone down the rabbit hole, he won’t even listen to his heart. Instead he ignores it, even burns the cloak of levitation... the very symbol of his finding something new that could uplift him after spending so long down on his knees in the past... and he burnt it to ash. When his heart won’t be persuaded, he resorts to trickery, attempting to con his heart with the same delusion that haunts his mind. It’s the same Christine that Stephen first was hung up imagining when he picked up the eye of the Agamotto and got himself into this mess, his trump card.

But again, the heart cannot be deceived. It knows Christine is dead, and it realizes the fantasy his mind is pursuing is not the same as the Christine they once knew and loved. More importantly, his heart remembers that there are other people who need him now, people that are not beyond saving. And the mind is done playing.

If his heart won’t come willing, then he’ll just have to beat it into submission until it can’t make a single sound of protest, and then swallow it whole. Stephen makes the ultimate sacrifice the Ancient One had tried so hard to prevent, and abandons that heart she saw so much potential in and inspired her to teach him.

This episode AMAZINGLY tackles the narcissism and arrogance that hides in specific shades of grief and depression. In believing our problems are greater than anyone else’s, that no one else could understand as Stephen insisted “they didn’t know her!” The selfishness that comes with refusing to see the world or those around you that still need you and choosing instead to chase the memory of the ones you’ve already lost, who are beyond saving. If we choose those delusions over our reality, in the end, we will lose everything, and the ones who will pay the price for your arrogance won’t be you, but the ones you loved. Even the memory of the one you loved, that you twisted to fit your mold. There’s a selfishness in seeing only the bad of what was rather than the good of what could come.

Unless you want to end up alone inside a cold and empty shell, maybe it’s time to listen to your heart, and move on.

[brodependent]

Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam: a meta

Much as I love reading good meta, I don’t often write meta. Thus please accept my apologies if this is mediocre, and let me start with a simple topic sentence:

Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam.

A little longer, now: Sam is even better at loving Dean than Dean is at loving Sam because of Dean’s profound and abiding love for Sam.

Confusing, right? But not really.

We all know how Dean lives and breathes SammySammySammywatchoutforSammy. It’s his defining mission, his ultimate purpose, or, as a therapist might say, his “core belief.” But sometimes I think that we allow adult!Dean too little autonomy. We assume that he can’t help himself: he’s locked into this single-minded focus, on loving and protecting the only family he has left.

That sells Dean short. (Hang in there, I promise I’ll get to Sam in a moment.)

Even people who have been forced into a certain way of life have choices. Even people who have been told who they are all their life have choices. Dean tells us, in Season 14, I’m good with who I am--and I, for one, believe him. Whether we follow canon all the way to 15x17, when Dean is finally brought back from the edge of his desire for revenge against Chuck by his love for Sam (the only thing that’s “real”), or whether we keep to season 1 when Dean said--that’s all we have...that’s all I have... and I want us to be a family again and as long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you--Dean has always accepted his role as Sam’s big brother. Dean’s life is unabashedly Sam-centric. He’d change a lot of things, but in the end he’d change nothing, because he wouldn’t change that. 

Some fans get very het up about the codependent aspect of this. Others (in my opinion, rightly) defend it. There’s scads of meta on why the Winchester dynamic IS necessary for their mythic role in the narrative, and their human role in the narrative (more importantly), so I won’t write that meta now. All I’m saying is what I think you already know: Dean lives for Sam, his baby brother, and despite the grief, the growing pains, the occasional cruelty of desperate love, Dean said it all when he told Sam (and us), Don’t you ever think that there is anything, past or present that I would put in front of you.

So where does that leave Sam, and his love for Dean? Let’s start with that line I just quoted. Building on the above, Dean’s goal in life is to give Sam a life. He wants Sam to be happy. He wants him to be free. He also wants to keep him by his side forever, to control him for safety and comfort’s sake, and sometimes those instincts of a frightened-child-turned-traumatized-man win out. Dean isn’t perfect. Dean’s full of contradictions. But time and again he goes back to stone number one: what he can do for Sam. What he can offer Sam, by being the grunt, by standing in harm’s way. 

When we begin the story, Sam has succeeded in the path Dean helped carve for him. I’m not taking all the credit from Sam here, and giving it Dean: merely pointing out that Dean stepped into traditional parental roles and helped send Sam into adulthood, even though that meant Sam leaving him. We know that the night Sam left for Stanford was one of the worst of Dean’s life, but even in mid-season 1, Dean tells Sam he’s proud of him. You always know what you want. You stand up to Dad. Hell, sometimes I wish I--

(this, of course, is beautifully echoed in the series finale itself)

Dean is telling Sam what so many parents tell their children: you have gone places I never could, accomplished goals I never could, grown in grace and understanding like I never could. At least, I like to think that’s what the best parents tell their children.

To Dean, Sam is always the one with more hope. More wholeness. More options. To Sam, Dean is stone number one. 

You asked how Sam loves Dean, and my answer is: just look. Look at how Sam goes out into the world young, stands up to their father, makes his own decisions, fights back against Dean’s own nihilistic narrative through their primary losses and setbacks. Dean gave Sam the safety to build a better worldview than Dean himself has, and Sam turns that right back around and tries to give it to Dean. 

What do you think my job is? You’re my big brother--there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. 

I can’t lose you.

You’re not a grunt, Dean, you’re a genius.

This is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother.

I am going to save my brother. And then I’m going to kill you dead.

If you ever need to talk about anything with anybody, you got somebody right here next to you.

I believe in us.

This is just a small collection of Sam quotes showing his love for Dean. A small collection showing the persistent theme of Sam’s persistence. He knows that pushing chick-flick moments and emotional conversations can get jokes for a dime a dozen, and even the occasional punch thrown his way. He keeps at it anyway. When Sam knows Dean’s hurting, he wants to help. He’d do anything to help. He won’t sit around and see his brother turn into an embittered killer (season 2), go to hell for saving his life (season 3), take on the Trials (season 8), be irrevocably corrupted by the Mark of Cain (seasons 9-10), let him despair (seasons 11 and 13), let him sacrifice himself to an archangel’s grave (season 14), or let him lose his goodness to the whims of a vicious god (season 15). Sam fights for Dean with full use of his considerable gifts--intelligence, rationality, resourcefulness, and yes, the occasional blind rage. Sam looks to Dean, first as a leader, then as a judge, and finally as an equal. Sam has been looking up to Dean since he was four, yes, but over the course of the show he comes to look at Dean. With love, peace, understanding, humor, pain...whatever their inimitable connection requires.

The quotes I noted above also reveal Sam’s own conflicts rear up. Sam and Dean (again, in my opinion) are equally developed characters. Both have flaws and inconsistencies. Both have struggles inherent to their personalities and upbringings, distinct from those imposed on them by supernatural forces. 

Sam had a glimpse of a different life, once. He had the smarts, he had the drive, he had the sheer stubbornness to live a different life than John or Azazel or hell, even Lucifer had planned for him. But also in Sam--innate in Sam--is his core of goodness and compassion and the principle of doing right, which leads him back into the life and to soul-crushing sacrifice again and again.

Sam breaks and is broken. Sam suffers and ages and spends more time in hell than even Dean, who went to protect him.

But what keeps Sam going? Dean. Dean can’t live without Sam. We know that. The flip side is that Sam doesn’t want to live without Dean. Importantly, I think, he has more choice in the matter. Dean focused his whole childhood identity on giving Sam a life that meant he had choices, even if Dean didn’t know he was doing that. Sam can move through more crowds, more roles, more relationships. He has a better education, he has a more powerful ability to intellectually reason and detach. He would have made a great lawyer. Yet he casts all this aside out of sheer willpower, choosing instead to love Dean and live with Dean through the chaos of their lives, and to go near mad when Dean is gone. Consider Sam in season 4, Sam in season 10...Sam in season 8 trying to atone for the very choice that Dean (the best part of Dean) wanted him to make, even if the real muddle of Dean’s psyche couldn’t forgive him, for a time, for making it.

All of this leads us to the finale. 

You said you wish Sam had said I love you back to Dean in the finale. I argue that he did. He made his love perfectly clear to Dean in that moment by holding his hand, by looking in his eyes. He said, you can go now, when all he wanted was for Dean to stay. 

The best part of Dean wanted Sam to have happiness and freedom. At the end of his life, Dean was finally able to communicate that without fear or reservation. 

But the bittersweet brilliance of that moment is that Sam--the Stanford boy who went to hell and back, who saved the world, brought down one god and raised another--no longer wanted any kind of happiness or freedom that didn’t include the one person who’d been by his side all along. Dean was giving his blessing for a path that didn’t beckon Sam anymore. And yet: Sam said yes to it out of the love for Dean. Sam went out of that barn, out of the bunker, out of that day and that year and that decade and into the next and the next, out of love for Dean. Sam loved Dean by living. He loved Dean by raising another Winchester. He loved Dean by holding all their contradictions, flaws, and heroisms in his heart (in their car), until he’d done what he set out to do many times over. 

Then he met Dean on a mended bridge, dressed in old clothes that said: I was happiest at the beginning. I was happiest when we could be brothers again. I took my time getting here anyway, because I know that was what you wanted. I took my time so that we could be happiest now.

If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

[blushing-titan]

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about chapter 138 again, and I came to a few conclusions. First and foremost, I’m surprised at the amount of Mikasa’s fans who are happy about the possibility of the cabin vision being an actual AU. Mikasa has been one of my favorite characters pretty much since the beginning, but I feel like - if the AU is real - it’s a huge step back for her progress and general well-being. Let me explain my point below - warning, it’s pretty long! I’ll be using manga panels (I obviously don’t own them, all credits go to the author!), and there will be spoilers.

My perspective on Eremika

I’m a firm believer that Eren and Mikasa’s relationship is a bit too unhealthy for Mikasa, at least in it’s current state - to me, it’s clear as a day that it’s way too unbalanced. Mikasa just invests more in it - it’s been shown countless times, both in the manga and anime, that Eren’s safety and well-being is her top priority. He’s on her mind most of the times and she constantly wants to be near him - she thinks of him as her safe place and home.

But what about Eren? He’s often irritated and suffocated by her overprotectiveness. He’s quite a proud person who doesn’t want to be constantly saved - despite generally needing it sometimes. In my eyes, it’s another imbalance - Eren wants to be the strong one, but since Mikasa is just naturally better at that, he constantly feels belittled, like it’s a form of rivalry.

On top of that, throught the entire series Eren has his own set of dreams and goals that doesn’t necessarily always revolve around Mikasa - all while Mikasa makes up her plans and goals solely around Eren. She even admits that all she wants is just to be at his side.

What concerns me too, however, is that Mikasa often puts Eren’s safety and well-being over her own - and it’s something that she realizes. 

Sometimes, Mikasa’s friends act as a voice of reason, but when someone tries to raise any objections or concerns against Eren, she usually backs him up or tries to rationalize his actions. In the example below, Jean is concerned about the scar that Mikasa got after she got attacked by Eren (right after Eren lost control over his titan in chapter 12).

On top of that, Mikasa can be very passive, and even uncritical when it comes to Eren’s more questionable actions. There are times in which the latter can get a bit too blunt, or even straight up mean, but Mikasa either protects him, tries to justify his actions or is literally immobilized by them - like in the scene in which Eren insults her and proceeds to fight Armin, who’s been trying to back her up. Notice how Mikasa is unable to stop Eren from continuously attacking Armin (when, a reminder, the latter one stood up for her), but immediately jumps in to stop Armin from attacking Eren. You can clearly see that even she is shocked by her reaction.

We can also see her being in denial about Eren’s hurtful actions later on. She doesn’t even want to talk about it when Jean brings it up:

She’s also still concerned and worried about Eren a few chapters later, after he had done and stated that he’s about to do terrible things - even at times when her other friends were endangered. This time, it’s Armin who tries to act as a voice of reason.

Now, before we get ahead of ourselves: 

Do I think that Eren doesn’t care about Mikasa, or even hate her (as he said)? No - she’s obviously extremely important to him and he was definitely lying during the table scene. Personally, I’ve never seen him having any romantic feelings towards her, but that doesn’t mean anything - love doesn’t always have to be romantic and I 100% believe that she’s still someone who he holds very dear to his heart. There are many moments that show that he’s also very protective of her, and that - along with Armin - she’s one of the most important people in his life. 

But my point still stands - aside from that, the relationship is just too unbalanced to be considered healthy, especially for Mikasa. Both Eren and Mikasa see it in different light, which often cause them to collide. I just can’t help but feel like Mikasa sacrifices too much for it, too - she often ends up jeopardizing her safety, constantly worries about Eren and clashes with her friends because of it. To some extent, Eren may be doing some of these things as well - but let’s be 100% honest, never nearly as much as Mikasa does. He fiercly protects her when she’s in danger and backs her up when he agrees with her, but at the end of the day he has his own goals and opinions. He doesn’t fixate himself with Mikasa nearly as much as Mikasa does it with him - he’s never jealous of anything but her skills, meanwhile she's often on alert when he’s around other girls. In the manga, she’s displaying jealousy over Annie and Historia, in the anime we can add Hanji to that pool, while in A.O.T. Wings of Freedom she’s also jealous of Sasha and even freckled Ymir - all while Eren remains oblivious and - in these situations, rightfully so - annoyed.

We know that there are reasons why Mikasa treats Eren like this. He obviously saved her life when they were children, but it’s also because she was strongly traumatized by losing both her biological family, and then people who took care of her right after that. It’s only natural that she does anything in her power to not go through that again...

...but it’s important to question if the way her relationship with Eren goes - how she commits to it 100% and how it affects her - is really the best way for her to heal and eventually live a happy life. I believe that Eren himself saw that it was becoming too toxic for Mikasa - and, considering that he actually cares for her and knows that he doesn’t have all the time in the world, he focused on making her move on. In my opinion, that’s why he wanted to push her away during the table scene. It’s also why he tried to get rid of the scarf that Louise brought to him. Even if the execution is far from perfect, he still wants what’s best for her, so he tries to put an end to enabling her unhealthy coping practices. He wants her to live a long, happy life.

Soooo...how does “the cabin AU” fit into all of this?

The answer is simple - it doesn’t. It’s a huge mixture and repetition of everything that’s harmful about Mikasa’s obsession with Eren. It’s a confirmation that Mikasa would be able to leave the entire world for 4 years of constant lying to herself. To betray her friends, leave everything behind, act as if everything was going to be okay and, in turn, make it all worse for herself. Because let me remind you one thing - Mikasa will go on living after Eren looses to the titan curse...but what will she do from now on? Will she stay in the cabin forever, alone and with no one to talk to - no one to share the pain after saying her final goodbye to Eren? Will she come back to the war-ridden world and face her old friends - like Armin who must have been frantically looking for her and Eren? Some of these friends may not want to have anything to do with her after all that - some may be already dead. Maybe there’s no place to go at all.

In my opinion, Eren being okay with this would ultimately prove that he doesn’t care about Mikasa’s wellbeing - and, as I’ve said before I just don’t think that’s the case at all. On top of that, as stated in the beginning, it would serve as a regress of Mikasa’s character - she wouldn’t be able to overcome her weaknesses, which would only make her life harder in the long run. Therefore, I simply can’t accept this vision to be an AU. What do I think it was, then?

Mikasa believes in Eren’s good heart, despite all awful things he commits - she repeatedly says that he does it all for them - his friends...and yet she wants to believe that there must have been a way to not let it all happen. A part of her may be blaming herself, which is why she questions if she could have changed anything by giving him a different answer. 

To me, it’s very obvious and I have to admit: I was horrified to see the amount of fans saying “If only she hadn’t family-zoned him, so many people would still be alive!”. Mikasa was NEVER to blame here and her answer should never have a force to change something like that. At the end of the day, it was Eren’s decision to go on with the rumbling, and I hate to see Mikasa (and the fans, too!) putting any blame for it on her.

In conclusion, I really believe that the vision was Mikasa’s daydream - most likely created as a coping mechanism since at this point she knew what was about to happen - what she had to do. Not any AU flashback, but rather a poor, traumathised girl trying to come to terms with the cruel reality - and ultimately reclaiming her strength. In her mind, she comes back to her safe place for a few moments, just to get a bit of comfort - a place where she and Eren live peacefully and safely. In fact, the panel below may suggest that she was dreaming about something similar ever since the training days:

I also believe that, at some point, Eren enters that dream - perhaps somehow through paths, or is sent there by Ymir. There, he once again reminds Mikasa that he wants her to live long, be free and forget about him.

I think in the end, Mikasa rejects that fake utopia, finally understanding that it could never happen and it was not her fault. She accepts the reality as it is and stops rationalizing Eren’s actions. She also comes to terms with her feelings towards him, but won’t let it cloud her judgement anymore. She will remember him and cherish these memories forever, but acknowledges that it has gone too far - she chooses humanity, the world and finally: a long, happy life for her. Just like Eren would want for her.

This time, Mikasa wraps the scarf around herself.

If you’re here, wow - thank you so much for reading, it means a lot! I’m sorry for any mistakes I’ve made while writing - English is not my first language and I didn’t really have anyone to beta-read this long wall of text xd Hope I made my points clear - and just to clarify, my text is not an invitation for any ugly Mikasa haters. As I’ve said before, she’s one of my favorite characters and I hope for the best for her - she’s been through so much, poor girl needs a break :C

[linkspooky]

Eren’s Dissocation

This month’s chapter has a lot of people confused on Eren’s actions. Why would Eren choose the worst option possible? Why force himself to do something he clearly doesn’t want to do? Why, when he’s given options to back out, does he instead double down on the bad decision making? Why, when no one is holding a gun to his head does he pick the worst available choice? 

The narrative obviously isn’t sympathizing with Eren so we’re meant to question his choices. So let’s get into Eren’s headspace. A place where clearly even Eren doesn’t want to be.

1. Other People

Eren displays a lot of paradoxes in his reasoning this chapter. His every action is a contradiction. He goes out of his way to save a child, and then crushes them later without lifting a finger to help. He says he wants to do this all for the sake of freedom, and yet he’s espousing ideas like a fixed future, and acting helpless to his eventual fate. Eren begs and cries for the child to forgive him for what he must do... when nobody is actually forcing him to do anything. 

It’s not only that Eren makes bad choices, but he also acts like he’s the victim of his own bad choices. He acts like he’s completely helpless to do these things. Eren says one thing, and then deliberately does another to contradict it when he DOES NOT HAVE TO. It seems like Eren is going out of his way to ruin everything and people are questioning what pushed Eren to this point of deliberate self destruction and acting like he was all out of options when he very, clearly wasn’t. 

Eren’s motivations make no sense.  Yeah.  They make no sense because Eren is trying to reconcile two irreconcilable ideas. The ideas of predestination and freedom are complete and total opposites ideas that cannot coexist in Eren’s mind. Eren can’t reconcile them. So he doesn’t.  Rather than try to justify himself or struggle to find the right answer Eren settles for the wrong one. Rather than try to justify his actions Eren avoids any confrontation of his actions all together. Eren distances himself - from his actions, the consequences of his actions, and his role in everything that happens.

It’s a simple idea, but also a complicated one which I will do my best to explain. How does Eren do this? How does Eren end up in this very contradictory mindset, where he just keeps making things worse, on purpose. And it starts with the way Eren sees other people. 

There’s a reason that Eren is made out to be so childlike and petty in this chapter. It’s because he is. This line is very vague, but if I were to explain it I would say. 

Eren is very bothered by the fact that other people exist. 

What I mean is, other people have thoughts, feelings, and entirely different opinions from Eren and Eren doesn’t really want to deal with that. While yes, it could be a line about how Eren saw the same oppression outside the walls as he did in Paradis, I think it’s a lot pettier than that. Eren got really, really, bothered by the fact that the world he imagined as empty was in fact crowded with other people besides him. 

In child developmental psychology there’s an experiment called the “Three Mountain Problem.” In the experiment a child is shown a model of a mountain from one perspective and asked to draw what it looks like. They’re asked to draw what they see.Then, a doll is placed behind the mountain looking at it from a completely different angle. The experimenter then asks the child to draw what the doll sees. The doll would see something completely different - but the child doesn’t comprehend that. They draw the exact same picture the first time. Children lack the ability to imagine that other people don’t. A child only sees the world from one point of view. 

You know what’s really frustrating? Arguing with other people. Sometimes even if you know you’re right, even if you state your argument perfectly and show the facts that person still won’t agree with you. It’s frustrating to deal with the fact that you can influence, but you can’t really control the opinions of others. 

Eren is fundamentally, unable to see, and deal with other people as people. By that I mean, their perspectives, their feelings, he can’t really see or understand those things outside of his own perspective. Other people ask things of him, require things of him, that he can’t give. Other people disagree with him, fight with him. 

Eren’s not an eco-terrorist.  He’s not bothered by the fact the world isn’t a natural paradise outside the walls. It’s the people themselves, that Eren finds disappointing. 

Eren can’t deal. On a micro-level. Let’s forget about the plot at large and just focus on Eren for a second. Who are the people that Eren has chosen to surround himself post-timeskip.

If Eren’s ultimate ideal is freedom why does he choose to trust Floche of all people? A sycophant, and someone who is practically begging to have all of his choices taken away from him? 

It’s also because Floch is also someone who won’t disagree with him, or question him the way his friends might. Eren just can’t deal. 

Eren claims that everything he does is out of love for his friends. He fights for his friends, sacrifices for his friends. He has to be the one to die so his friends can live. 

But, when Eren hears that Mikasa has the exact same motivation for him. That Mikasa wants to protect him, and fight for him the same way he wants to fight for her. When Eren hears that Mikasa might love him and show that love by always fighting for him, which is the exact same way Eren tends to show his love for his friends he doesn’t... get it. He can’t accept her feelings in any real way. He can’t even really understand them.

Eren wants to love Mikasa, he wants to love his friends, but he either can’t accept their feelings, or he just doesn’t want to. He’s allowed to love Mikasa, Mikasa can’t possibly love him back. Even when Zeke just straight up tells him to his face, Eren dismisses Zeke and says what Mikasa feels for him doesn’t even matter because he’s going to die in four years. Eren avoids her feelings, otherwise. 

That’s the key word here. Eren’s avoidant. In every single person he deals with, he’s avoidant. That’s how his very contradictory views of people are maintained. There’s a lot of examples I could list of this. Eren wants his friends to be free, but he goes out of his way to lock them up. Eren says he’s doing this for the sake of his friend’s happiness, and then antagonizes them as cruelly as possible. The reason he’s able to do these things, is that he avoids truly looking, or confronting his actions, and also the people he’s surrounded with in any real way.

Not only with Mikasa, you can see it in his interaction with Historia. 

Eren and Historia grew close because Eren said he wanted to get to know the real Historia. But, then he specifically asks Historia to do something that is the opposite of everything she stands for. When she disagrees with him, because she wants to live as an individual with her head held high with pride and make her own choices, do what she thinks is right as Ymir told her. When Historia tries to assert herself as an individual who doesn’t completely agree with him, Eren then switches tactics and tries to browbeat her into doing what he wants of her. 

Eren’s view of the world is very isolated, and insulated from others. Whenever somebody challenges his view, he makes the choice to retreat back inside of his own head rather than try to change. 

That’s also a natural consequence of Eren not seeing people as people. Because he avoids the thoughts, feelings, opinions of others it means his own thoughts never really change. He deprives himself of the ability to see things in a different way. Eren is stuck in a rut, but also Eren doesn’t want to leave that rut he wants to bunker down. 

2. Eren Himself. 

Eren’s head what a terrifying place to be inside. 

Dissociation is a mental process that causes a lack of connection in a person's thoughts, memory and sense of identity. Dissociation seems to fall on a continuum of severity.

Dissociation is a defense mechanism of the brain. So is avoidance. They are both learned defense mechanisms that the brain uses to protect himself, and they are also behaviors that people fall into to protect themselves. 

This is why Eren is depicted as a child over and over again. This is why Eren is shown constantly flashing back to his mother’s death. It’s because Eren never really got over that initial trauma, Eren has been stunted and never grew or developed from that point. 

Eren’s a big old manchild, and that makes sense just from what he’s been through. It’s easy to forget that Eren is a child soldier who like, never had a stable environment after losing his home. The reason he hyper focuses on his mother, and that initial incident is because that was the start of everything all the insecurity of his life. Eren adopted all these mechanisms to cope in a situation where he was truly helpless, and yet even after the situation changed, Eren’s internal mechanisms never truly did change and he kept on coping in the same broken way. 

Dissociation, and Avoidance. 

Dissociation is when a person divorces themselves, from their actions, from their own body, from their thoughts and feelings. 

Avoidance is when Eren deliberately goes out of his way to avoid any kind of real conflict with other people or having to deal with their feelings because he’s not equipped to handle them. 

Eren is hopelessly stuck inside of his own head right now. I don’t know what’s a better metaphor for that, then Eren literally... just being a head. It almost lapses into solipism. Eren has distanced himself from other people so far that he has... literally become a brain in a jar. 

Eren’s perspective is the only one that exists to him. But he also disagrees with himself. 

Eren wants the freedom to do whatever he wants. But he also, doesn’t really want to be doing what he’s doing right now. So, why does he use his freedom to do these things?

If Eren distances himself, both from the thoughts and feelings of other people, but also his own thoughts and feelings, where is he? 

He’s god.

Eren imagines his ideal world as one where he’s above the clouds, in an completely open sky. These are the symbols associated with the idea of god in most religions. Somewhere distant. Somewhere far away. 

Eren’s key operating word is distance. He is distancing himself from both other people, and his own actions at the same time, because he can’t really bear or even process the guilt of dealing with both. 

Let me explain Eren’s bad decision making with a simple metaphor.

So spiderman, right. Spiderman gets bitten by a radioactive spider. He has kind of a shitty life. He has no parents, he’s bullied in high school. He’s an average every day loser. Suddenly, he gets all of these super powers. It makes spider man feel special. He has super strength now, he doesn’t need to wear his glasses anymore. 

Then a robber runs by him, and Spiderman doesn’t lift a finger to help. Even though he has the special ability to help, he doesn’t take any responsibility for it. 

As a result of this choice, his Uncle Ben dies. 

Spiderman wanted the super powers, but he didn’t want like any of the added responsibilities of having super powers. In essence until Uncle Ben died, what Spider Man was living out was a power fantasy.

That’s what Eren is in the middle of. He’s always been this very weak and helpless child. He’s always felt like the person who just watched, unable to do anything when his mother died right in front of him. The way he’s dealt with that has always been imagining himself as getting stronger, and stronger, and stronger. 

Eren wants power, but he doesn’t want responsibility. 

The Sasha scene is literally the Uncle Ben scene. Eren kills a lot of innocent people, he makes a choice to do that, and as a direct result of his actions, someone else important to him dies. It’s a direct story consequence. Eren steps on Gabi’s friends -> Gabi becomes vengeful -> Gabi goes the extra mile to avenge the deaths of her friends sneaks on board and shoots Sasha. 

Eren’s mechanism however, is avoidance. He doesn’t want to be at fault. So he’s not. Which means when Eren makes bad decisions. When those bad decisions result in things getting wrose. Eren ignores the consequences of his actions, and is therefore unable to deal with those consequences in any real way. 

That’s why we see Eren get worse, and worse, and worse, and worse. Because he’s not learning from any of the choices he is making. Because from Eren’s perspective he doesn’t have a choice. 

To summarize the contradiction:  Eren wants to kill people, but he doesn’t want to feel like a murderer. 

Eren can’t make sense of that, because there is no making sense of that so he looks away. He looks away so he can’t learn, or even really see what he’s doing to people. This causes Eren to spiral. When people have gotten genuinely that bad, when people spiral to the point where it seems like every single thing they’re going to do is going to make things worse what do they start wanting?

Eren’s dream of killing all the titans, is paralleled exactly with Reiner’s urge to just, kill himself so he can be done with everything. That’s the real reason essentially. Yes, it’s extreme, but Eren might be y’know, an extremist? The micro-level informs the macro-level. 

Eren has gotten so bad in his mental spiral he’s reached the point where nothing else matters, where he just wants to give up and committ suicide. He wants to make the world disappear. He can no longer deal with the struggle against the world. He sees the only way to escape his problems is to either just wipe everything away, and wipe himself out. That’s metaphorical suicide. 

It’s just Eren’s always projected outward. 

Rather than deal with his own internal flaws, he tries to change the world around him. Eren has just externalized his own internal conflict to such an extreme extent. 

And yeah, Eren is literally just a head right now. Only his own internal conflict, only his own hurt feelings, matter. That’s what Eren does to the child. 

The reason that Eren draws the comparison to Eren is because that’s what Reiner did exactly to him. 

Eren is the hurt and injured party here. Reiner’s direction actions and choices killed Eren’s mom. However, it’s not about Eren’s feelings, Reiner makes it entirely about his own feelings. His own guilt. His own regret for what he did. How bad he feels about it. Reiner breaks down crying and is so self-involved he forgets that Eren is the one who is hurting here. 

Eren repeats the same action. He breaks down crying in front of a child and apologizes again and again. But it’s really about Eren. Eren makes it about himself, and his own guilt and remorse rather than the person he’s wronging. 

So yeah. It’s the end of the world and Eren’s just making it about himself. That’s the best way to explain it. It’s easy to kill another person if you don’t see, or truly care about their pain. 

Eren is a tool. And by that I mean he wants to take certain actions. Eren is violent, and wants to stir up conflict. He is because he’s a child soldier who has been raised that way all his life. Eren also knows that these things are wrong. Which is why he wants to take these actions, but in no way feel responsible for them. A gun is not responsible for a bullet leaving the barrel and shooting someone. Eren wants to be the gun, rather than the person holding the trigger.

Which is why Eren is now inside of a giant flesh monster that’s bent on destroying everything. He is the mechanism that destroys the world. It’s the extreme result of that line of thinking. But once again Eren’s entire character can be summarized in one line.

“Eren Jaeger is an extremist.” 

[thedeviljudges]

the devil judge + the seven deadly sins

so, i made a gifset about who i thought falls under the seven deadly sins. and also shameless plug - please go reblog the gifset i made for this. took me ages to do.

but i figured i might as well make a meta post to correlate. so this is that post. it’s not everything i could discuss. i could be here for hours more, truth be told. but i hope it’s enough to chew on.

while i feel like a lot of these are going to be a no-brainer, i still want to talk it through because idk. i can, and i want to, and i feel like it, lmao.

gluttony

the elite are privileged and have an opportunity to indulge so much more than the general public, but in many different ways. this is shown throughout the show in the fact that they can indulge on luxury food, have political power, they can make a phone call or snap their fingers and everyone must follow their orders.

and the thing about gluttony is that there is always more to be had. you take a little and then realize it’s not enough and so you ask for more. case in point: in episode 11 when sunah suggests that yohan could be the new president, the current one gives her an alternative: dictatorship. because it wasn’t just enough for him to be an actor and the presiding president.

you’ll also know they turn in on themselves - the two other guys in the elite group. one who owns the company and the other dude - i really cannot remember their names and what they do, but y’all know who i’m talking about. it was so easy for them, when threatened, to fabricate documents to give to yohan about each other in order to get ahead. gluttony is only shared in the relationships we have until one realizes they can take a little extra of the pie. it’s the selfishness of having all the leftovers. gluttony cannot necessarily exist without someone else’s sacrifice.

lust

i kind of had an ah-ah moment when i was talking this over with @technitango​. i was trying to decide who was going to be lust because lust is portrayed very, very differently in this show than what most of us are used to. we, of course, know sunah who lusts after a life of indulgence and riches because she equates that with respect more than actually wanting it because it’s monetarily worth something.

but then i realized the public is lust because of their need for justice. i won’t say revenge necessarily because they’re doing as they’re told when given the judge show. but we can quickly see how that evaporates into something akin to bloodlust, for criminals and people who normally get away with shit, to have their fair taste at conviction for their misdeeds. we even see it with yohan’s fanboy club - the lust that comes from adoration and dedication.

and even more so, the public is easily swayed and so is the nature of lust. it follows in the vein of needs and wants, and as soon as new information is presented, however may false, so does the wants and desires of what people want sway. how easy was it for them to turn on yohan for a split second on two occasions - on two accounts of bribery.

envy

envy, above all, is about wanting what others have because you do not have it yourself. it may not be exactly what they have, but a form of it. some people don’t necessarily want money - they want what it can by, which is time, health and material goods.

sunah is the perfect example of this. she envies respect and recognition. she talks about bright and shiny objects, and that’s true to her kleptomania tendences, but more than anything, she wants to be seen as an equal because being poor with a vastly different upbringing means she’s looked down upon by those she thinks matters.

which also begs the question why she feels the need to seek validation from people in higher statuses to begin with when she can be the exception and not the rule - form her own understanding and environment to show others that the typical way of the elite is not actually all it’s cracked up to be - to which we see when she has no one to celebrate her victory with. it’s lonely being at the top. you get to your goal you thought you wanted but then what?

more importantly, sunah also envies family, relationships and simply put, human interaction. she wants to be cared for and treasured, and she looks for that in her position of power. because then all eyes are on you. because then that’s what people care about. what she fails to see is that those eyes are just as fruitless and just as wavering. to be a leader means people loving the idea of you but not you as a person.

“people of envious nature are sometimes stimulated to seek to emulate those who have completed some great achievements and in doing so achieve something great for themselves,” according to Understanding Philosophy.

wrath

while i realize that gaon not might entirely fit the wrath trope, he certainly has his moments, and i think he’s lived with a tampered flame since his parent’s death. he just learned to briefly put it out in the form of distractions and a false sense of righteousness and justice. it isn’t until he meets yohan that someone finally gives him the okay to feel the entirety of his emotions, that lets him breath and tells him it’s okay to feel anger and hurt. and while gaon ultimately chooses not to exact revenge, his wrath is what led him to becoming a judge and walking away from his teenage crimality.

gaon transposed his wrath into seeking justice, transformed it into livelihood, and reformed his narrative so that he was no longer angry and a teen with rash emotions. it was simply redirected and never really forgotten. yohan turned that redirection back around onto gaon’s ultimate heartache. fueled with that, it became easier to justify himself and his actions.

the most pivotal moment of turning his back on this mindset is, of course, the minister’s suicide, where he takes a good look at himself and doesn’t like what he sees. at this point, gaon’s upset isn’t necessarily at yohan but at the situation in which they got themselves into. because the thing is, gaon doesn’t absolve himself from what they did. he doesn’t turn a blind eye to that and try to dismiss it. he owns up to what happened and confesses how he feels to yohan and how he has to leave for his own good, and in some indirect way, for yohan’s, too.

with yohan, his ultimately weakness, despite never admitting to it, is family. his wrath comes in the form of anger when the ones he loves are threatened. yohan lives by a moral code of loyalty because that means you won’t be abandoned, and as a child who lived with that verdict since the day he was born, it’s an ever-pressing theme of his.

thing is, wrath comes in two particular forms for yohan. again, one is family and the second is the rose-colored glasses he’s given himself in his revenge story. he’s always had a goal to presumably make right the wrong for taking away isaac, but within that, 10 years is a long time to plot revenge, to the point where it becomes so much easier to lose yourself to that, to become enraged with it and forget the initial goal all along. we see this in his inability to form the bonding moments needed with his niece and his casual throwaway comments over people’s lives - the comment he made to gaon about moving on to the next plan, and the ultimately nail in the coffin of pushing gaon to leaving him.

his fury has also led him to convince himself his own humanity is nothing short of a lie. therefore, it’s easier to justify the means to an end because of his own self-worth and self-deprecation. it’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy: he even admitted to gaon’s mentor that he is an abyss. he’s referred to himself as nothing but an animal or a monster - all characteristics of despondency to survive and to justify what he’s doing. sort of like a catch 22, yohan claims he’s an animal/monster and behaves as such, but because he behaves as such, it means he’s an animal/monster.

wrath for gaon and yohan are very different yet the same. they are slow-burning, and that’s a dangerous type. it’s actually interesting when you think about the fire imagery surrounding the two of them because flames are quick to lap at anything in its wake, to destroy within a matter of minutes. and yet for the two of these men, their internal fire eats them from the inside out, painfully, until they’re almost unrecognizable to others and to themselves.

sloth

sloth was a little more difficult to pinpoint because of its characteristics. it was either the minister versus the mentor, both of which i think could work in this role. however, i chose the minister simply because she’s featured more and intertwines heavily with the plot line.

soth is a medieval translation of the Latin term acedia, meaning “without care.”

the ultimate characteristic of sloth is often identified as laziness, and while it’s easy to argue that the minister hasn’t been lazy in her ability to get where she is, she became as much when she started lying to get to her position. isn’t lying known as the easier way out? it absolves you of responsibility, of putting in the hard work, of apologizing and making things right. in the end, she had a goal and found the easiest solution to get there through her lack of responsibility for the roles she more than likely swore an oath to.

but that also translates into the other attributes of sloth: a failure to do the right thing, lack of emotions for people or of the self, and the fact that it “hinders man in his righteous undertakings and thus becomes a terrible source of man’s undoing” according to The Seven Deadly Sins: Society and Evil.

while i think there are a lot of components of sloth that may not necessarily fit the minister, the apathy and carelessness are enough to showcase her aggression, despondency and restlessness when what little efforts she does put in do not go her way. another interesting thing to note is that many of sloth’s traits correspond with symptoms of mental illness, such as depression and anxiety. it’s an interesting thing to note given the way the minister chooses to end her life.

greed

i don’t know that jinjoo would’ve had any provocation to the limelight if it wasn’t for sunah’s direction, but she’s eager to please and wants to be useful. it’s only natural for her to want more because it’s clear she’s a career woman, loves her job and has a heart for serving the people.

but like gluttony, greed is also that little thing that plants itself and can take on a life of its own. you start looking for justifications as to why you can’t have more than what you do, and in jinjoo’s situation, she’s already overlooked through no fault of her own. and it’s not that gaon and yohan are doing it purposefully, which is what makes their neglect heartbreaking, because truthfully, they’re after the same thing jinoo is. sure, it looks different and the foundation of it is different, same with their motives. but they’re all three judges on a residing bench working to exact justice - even if all three of them have their own personal agenda. 

i don’t think jinoo fully aligns with greed, but she does want more for herself, and i think that’s only natural. you can tell she has a heart, and she’s keen not to be overlooked. this isn’t her pain point so much as it is she knows her worth and is more than ready to do what it takes to get where she wants. this, in and of itself, isn’t necessarily a bad trait, but we can see how it leads to being deceived, especially for someone who’s been left in the dark for so long.

she is enticed by the glitz and the glamour of being a head judge, but you can tell she feels some remorse and guilt for those thoughts at times. i think her sense of greed is a battle within herself more than it is extremely outwardly.

pride

soohyun’s pride comes in the form of her imbalance with right and wrong. her sense of righteousness and justice is so far leaning, even more than gaon’s. it can be chalked up to her being a cop, but we’ve seen instances of this outside of her role within that agency. her pride doesn’t let her see beyond saving gaon and getting to the bottom of every mystery that comes her way.

it also comes in the form of impulsiveness and her savior complex, putting elijah in danger, for example, instead of waiting for backup. it’s not necessarily from a belief that she can fix things all on her own, but she sees injustice and immediately jumps in. another case in point is her and gaon watching yohan wreck the minister’s son’s car. she’s ready to go stop him, but gaon pulls her back, most likely because at that point, they hadn’t been observing the situation for very long to get a read on it. also the fact that at that point, neither of them truly knew yohan and his capabilities.

but as to where her characteristics come from, we simply don’t know beyond that of gaon. it’s unfortunate because we don’t have much of her backstory, so there is no real understanding why she so firmly believes in entities of regulation beyond keeping her friend out of jail. she prides herself on her work and what she’s able to accomplish, which is why it’s devastating to her to have to protect gaon by cleaning up his bloody handprint.

aristotle is of the belief that, “pride, then, seems to be a sort of crown of the virtues; for it makes them greater, and it is not found without them. Therefore it is hard to be truly proud; for it is impossible without nobility and goodness of character,” from Nicomachean Ethics.

but pride for soohyun isn’t about honors or rewards. it’s for herself and her capabilities, her ability to protect gaon, and the virtues she’s set as the precedent for herself. because sometimes it’s not even about establishing morals and ethics upon yourself. it’s about feelings/intuition, logic and observation. and no, i don’t mean the feelings she has for gaon. there are things that humans do, both actions and words, that we inherently know are bad without someone telling us as much and without the rules of the world seared into our brains. there are some things we know, for a fact, are wrong to us as individuals.

for soohyun, she knows that gaon’s actions, and even her own, have consequences. from what we’ve seen, i think it can be argued that it’s really about not doing those actions to prevent an outcome - not necessarily from a place of being just and right. that doesn’t mean she doesn’t understand good morals/ethics, but again, we have no background of what her internal guidance actually is.

to put this in layman’s terms, we’ll use gaon wanting to stab the conman in his youth. soohyun knows it’s wrong because it will incriminate gaon and therefore she stops it. gaon’s gone to her because he sees her as a moral compass. but is her own internal navigation rooted in justice the way gaon had to find it in the judicial system, or is hers rooted in her pride of keeping gaon safe? she stops him from doing things that will get him in trouble, but is she stopping him because the action itself is wrong or because the outcome will result in undesirable consequences for the two of them?

and of course, there is a flipped argument to be had there - i’m not arguing that gaon stabbing the conman would be right or justified. but what i am saying is that for her, her worldview is the only right one, and when anyone steps out of that, even gaon, it becomes a bit of an issue: the pride she has for that is palpable.

every character indulges

truthfully, every character has at least one form of these sins rooted in their characterization. some are larger than others, but the breadth of it can be explored even further for each. and that’s what makes them more realistic and not just characters written on a page or following a linear progression of their writing deity.

the seven deadly sins are also notoriously rooted in religion. they’re also a defining feature of aristotle’s works that represent the golden mean, in which each vice is parallel to a virtue.

the devil judge is so layered, but i think at the heart of it, it’s about humanity at its core. sprinked in are the philosophies and contradictions and what it means to look in the mirror, what happens when we’re blind to seeing our true selves and most importantly, how much changes when we’re swayed by our own misgivings. it really asks us to understand nature versus nurture, that people must find a belief in something to keep them going, and how futile our hopes and desires can actually be if we’re not carefully regulating ourselves, nevermind the entities established by society to regulate us, too.

the entirety of the show genuinely begs the question as to who is truly right, who is truly wrong, and if it’s even possible to find the correct answer.

[panharmonium]

@dreamersscape said: 

Part of why I like Shikamaru testing the would-be chunin with Kakashi’s principles so much is that Kakashi living by those words keeps Obito alive through them, right?  And Obito already had those values, but he was verbalizing them in connection to why he believes Sakumo was a hero, so this combined principle that defines who Sakumo, Obito, and Kakashi are, is now going to live on in Naruto, Shikamaru, and the rest of their generation.  And ofc “don’t put the rules above your comrades” is a good way to live regardless of whether any of their names are attached to it…I dunno, is it dumb to just want this to be Kakashi’s legacy over his other prowess/renown? (x)

NO IT IS NOT; I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!  (And I agree with what you said, that this is likely already how he’s going to be remembered - and I’m so grateful for that, because I think we know that there are many things in Kakashi’s life that have brought him renown but that he doesn’t want to be remembered for.  Thinking specifically about that scene where Kakashi takes out an enemy and Yamato makes that comment about “keep this up and you’ll be famous,” and Kakashi is clearly so uncomfortable with that...Kakashi doesn’t want that kind of recognition, the kind you earn from being particularly efficient at killing people.  He doesn’t want to go down in history as “cold-blooded Kakashi” - that was never something he wanted to be known as in the first place.)

Anyway, I was partway through writing the below post when I saw your replies about Kakashi’s family/legacy in relation to the new Chunin exams, and I just went, “we REALLY are having the exact same thoughts about this show” 🤝 so I’m just turning the rest of this post into a response to your comments, because I could not possibly agree with your angle on this topic more, and I knew my response wasn’t going to fit in the replies XD

The thing I kept thinking about when I saw that Shikamaru’s version of the Chunin exams was passing/failing students based on Kakashi’s criteria was that this is a HUGE paradigm shift for the Leaf Village (and for shinobi culture as a whole).  The new exams say that if you abandon a teammate to complete your mission (aka to pass your test), you’ve made the wrong decision.  The mark of a worthy shinobi, in this new framework, is your commitment to choosing people’s lives over the success of your mission.  But to have something like this enshrined into the Chunin exams would have been unthinkable in earlier generations.  When Kakashi’s father made a decision like this, he was breaking the law, and nothing about his choice was considered honorable or worthy or in any way acceptable.  He was blamed for it by the Land of Fire and the Leaf Village, “slandered and vilified” by his peers (even the ones whose lives he saved), and hounded to the point of suicide.  And even as little as four years ago, when Kakashi started working as a Jonin Leader, his philosophy for evaluating genin was still notorious, and his standards were considered to be abnormal (“It’s a good thing we didn’t get that jonin everybody talks about”/“Who does he think he is, making up his own criteria?”).  

But just a few short years later, the script has been completely flipped.  Now you can’t even become a chunin unless you demonstrate your commitment to putting your comrades’ lives first.  And I just keep thinking about how that must feel for Kakashi, to see the systems that punished his father so mercilessly finally start to crumble and fall.  To see a shift in the culture that indoctrinated Itachi and brainwashed Yamato into murdering family and friends, on the pretense that it was necessary for the sake of a mission.  To see the values Kakashi has tried to live by ever since Obito’s death incorporated into the official structures of the shinobi world, when previously they were grounds for vicious persecution.

To have Sakumo’s choices validated and affirmed by the shinobi world’s promotion structure when just a few short years ago those choices were universally reviled and earned Sakumo nothing but shame, hatred, and harassment must be such an emotionally overwhelming experience for his son, who went through his own kind of crucible in the wake of Sakumo’s departure but ultimately came out the other side more committed to his father’s ideals than ever.  To finally see things changing, and for these changes to be the direct result of Kakashi’s own teaching choices - I can’t imagine what that must feel like.  I don’t even think that Kakashi ever expected to see a world that’s progressed this far, to be honest.  He made a decision to embrace his father’s values, yes, but he did so long before they were considered acceptable, long before they were something he could ever expect to be rewarded for.  That’s why Obito told him “no matter what the village or anyone else may say, I think you’re a great jonin” - he knew Kakashi broke the rules to rescue Rin the same way Sakumo broke the rules to rescue his comrades, and he knew it was entirely possible that Kakashi would catch flak for it upon returning home.  In the shinobi world, the mission is absolute, and people who buck the system are branded as traitors.  If the Battle of Kannabi Bridge had gone poorly because of the detour Kakashi and Obito took, Kakashi may not have been welcomed home quite so warmly.  

Kakashi never really expects his choice to be rewarded or respected.  But despite this, and despite the fact that he knows the potential consequences better than anyone, he chooses to stand by his father’s values anyway.  He makes that decision the day he loses Obito, and he never looks back.  No matter how lost he becomes, or how much pain he goes through (I’ve thought this world was hell, too), he never loses sight of this one thing: he’ll never abandon a friend, and he’ll never bow to anyone who tells him that his mission requires him to do so.  That’s true throughout his time in ANBU (if your orders are to kill a friend, then those orders are wrong.  and the one who gave you those orders is wrong!), and it’s true when he becomes a teacher, too.  He persists in his convictions, no matter how unpopular they are, and he teaches them to an entire generation of children, even when people keep giving him the side-eye for failing entire teams of genin year after year.  

He never expects his behavior to make this kind of difference, and he’ll probably never give himself credit for any of the changes that we’re starting to see now, but the only reason these things are happening is because of the choices he made back then.  The new world we’re on the brink of building now is a direct result of Kakashi having taught his students the values that his father and Obito died for.  Kakashi’s teaching is what helps Naruto go from “when I become Hokage, the whole village will have to stop disrespecting me and start treating me like i’m somebody important” to “how could i ever become hokage if i can’t even save one friend/a true hokage never steps over his comrades’ bodies.”  It’s what helps Sakura go from “you obsessed about Sasuke, who was gone, while Naruto was right in front of you and you wouldn’t lift a finger to help him” to a decision to put her feelings for Sasuke aside in order to release Naruto from the promise he made to her, which is killing him.  It’s what helps Sasuke go from "you thought [your teammates] were so far beneath you they were worthless” to “I don’t ever want to see that again - my trusted comrades falling right in front of me,” as he offers to die for them against Gaara.  It’s what helps even Neji Hyuga go from a disdainful “who does he think he is, making up his own criteria” to an affirmation of those same criteria when telling the Hidden Rain ninja “it’s just the Chunin exams.  The safety of our teammate is more important than passing.”  

All of the changes that we’re seeing now are happening because Kakashi was committed to teaching the next generation the lessons he feels are important, contrary to widely-held public opinions and in defiance of the people who made a near-successful attempt at turning him against his own father: We never abandon our friends.  We never sacrifice our comrades.  If your orders are to kill a friend, then those orders are wrong.  We do what’s right, not what we’re told.  

The Hatake clan may not have a hereditary jutsu to be passed down to others, but THIS is their legacy.  This massive sea change in shinobi culture, the hard-fought shift away from a repeat of the tragically sacrificial Sakumos and Itachis and Tenzos of the old shinobi world, the total inversion of Mission > People to People > Mission - all of that started with Kakashi’s father, who died before he could see his work completed, but whose torch was picked up by Obito, and then by Kakashi, who made it his mission to pass on those ideals to the Leaf Village’s children, some of whom are now making policies that affect promotion criteria for the entire shinobi world.  

Just...I’m thinking about Kakashi taking Sakura out to celebrate and to hear all about her test, and I know she won’t even give Shikamaru’s last question a second thought, because to her it’s just natural that they’d be tested on that; Kakashi’s been testing them on that stuff since day one; it doesn’t even occur to her that there’s anything novel or strange or revolutionary about it; it’s just expected and accepted by her entire class that the principle “people are more important than rules” is something all shinobi should understand - when in reality, things have NEVER been like that before, and it’s taken SO much work to get here.  A question like this being included as pass/fail criteria on the Chunin exams would have been unimaginable just a few short years ago.  Kakashi’s father was harassed to his death for answering this question in the exact same way that is now required of anyone who wants to pass the test.  

What an incredible feeling that must be for Kakashi, who worked so hard and endured so much to keep these values alive.  To see how far the world has come - and to know how much of this progress is the result of his own choices, which he never thought would amount to anything so substantial - what a bizarre, beautiful, bittersweet feeling that must be.

[peachcitt]

I've seen a lot of people saying that rot was BAD, what is your opinion?

OH IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED

like most people (im sure) after finishing rise of the titans, after wiping up my tears i went to the rot tag to see maybe some gifs or something. you know, make myself cry a little more. instead, i found a bunch of people saying how much they hated the ending, how it was as terrible as some of the worst big finale bombs (endgame, game of thrones, etc) and uh. im not saying the ending is perfect, but it is DEFINITELY not as disastrous as what people are making it out to be, in my opinion. i thoroughly enjoyed the movie, actually, and i thought it was an effective way to end the tales of arcadia.

warning: rise of the titans spoilers, as well as general tales of arcadia spoilers

were there some things i didn't like? yeah!

the major things i didn't like align with a lot of what i see other people saying:

the weird mpreg plotline with steve. it just felt so strange and out of place, and it was used as a tactic to remove eli and steve from the major action, which i don't like.

and the 'ninth configuration' thing that, once again, excluded eli and steve. i didn't see a reason why they shouldn't have been there, seeing as they have contributed to trollhunting since nearly the start of all of the tales of arcadia. multiples of three are clean and smooth, i get it, but at the expense of two characters that were so lovingly developed in trollhunters and 3below?? yikes

with that being said, though, i don't agree with what a lot of people are saying about the time travel at the end. obviously, they bring up some good points - by changing the timeline so drastically, there's no way for jim to ensure that they'll be able to succeed or if the arcane order will even act in the same way. it's a big 'if' and it is worth thinking about

but people have been saying that the ending is out of jim's character and negates his arc, and i have to say. that's not true.

if you've been following my blog since july 1st, you'll know that ive spent the past twenty one days rewatching the entire tales of arcadia series at a steady pace, and within that time, i've paid a whole lot of attention to jim's arc as a character and how the finale of trollhunters left me feeling as if something just wasn't clicking right. his arc wasn't finished.

because all throughout trollhunters, jim is constantly having to prove his worth - and most of the time, the way he's proving his worth is by sacrificing himself. he takes all the blame when anything goes wrong, and on some level, jim never truly learns the lesson from season one of trollhunters that he's enough as a hero because he has his friends to back him up. like, yeah, he relies on them a bit more after that, but in the end, he still stands in the bathroom alone, separated from all his allies, and shoulders the burden of turning into a troll alone. and he leaves arcadia, the city he was fighting so hard to protect, and he leaves his best friend, the one that has been with him since the beginning.

then we get wizards, where jim lets himself be corrupted to save his friends. and then, because of that sacrifice, he ends up hurting all of them. i believe this fact - that he willingly corrupted himself, separated himself from his allies, and ended up hurting the people he loved - shook jim's foundation as a hero, which is why he can't believe he's the trollhunter without the amulet. the amulet was the physical manifestation of what it meant to be a hero to him, but it was destroyed when he was corrupted - it was destroyed when he hurt his friends.

that's how we see him in rise of the titans; he's still struggling with his identity as a hero because he doesn't have the amulet or the unshakable foundation he previously had of his heroism. literally everyone is looking for him to be the leader and make the huge, world-saving-or-destroying decisions, but he can't shoulder that huge burden knowing he could hurt everyone. and then, just to add fuel to the fire, it's his plan that causes people to die or be permanently separated from the group. and he can't even get the sword out of the stone! why? because he himself doesn't see himself as worthy - how can you think of yourself as worthy when you just got two of your allies killed and two more gone, presumably for forever?

but this is the moment it finally clicks for jim. he looks around at his allies, and he sees them reflected in the amulet. he's not alone, he doesn't have to be worthy just by himself, he has an entire group of people who have fought by his side time and time again that, even despite all the mistakes and missteps he's made, are still by his side.

and what makes the amulet work, in the final fight, is his firm determination to see this fight through, no matter if he has the armor or not. he's terrified, he's probably going to die - but it's that bravery despite the fear that makes him a hero, a trollhunter, amulet or not. and he knows that now - he's had to face it before, in the unbecoming episode, but it's different now. in the unbecoming episode, he was truly alone when he decided to face the fight. and he's alone here in rise of the titans - but not for long! because almost immediately after jim comes to terms with his place as a hero again, toby comes along, and he doesn't finish this fight alone!! he finishes this fight with another trollhunter, who doesn't have an amulet!!

jim deciding to rewind time to back before the events of trollhunters is a bold choice, but it tracks with a theme in wizards - merlin told douxie that what set him apart as a master wizard was his belief that every life was valuable and worthy of being saved. this theme is repeated in the new amulet in rise of the guardians; it's for the glory of all, not just for one person.

and jim deciding to have toby become the trollhunter finally marks the completion of jim's arc. instead of shouldering the burden alone, which is inevitably what would've happened if jim had rewound time, kept all of his memories, and accepted the amulet again, jim is choosing to accept allies into his life sooner. instead of being the trollhunter, jim is letting himself be a trollhunter, alongside all the other trollhunters.

of course, there's some things in this alternate timeline i don't like; mainly that no one stepped in to stop steve from bullying eli. that, to me, was the most out of character, and i can only assume jim didn't step in because he's leaving room for that fight to be toby's; competing against steve was a large jumpstart to jim feeling like he could be strong enough to bear the mantle, and maybe jim was just trying leave it up to toby to establish that on his own. still, i didn't like it.

and, of course, there are people lamenting the fact that none of the heroes of arcadia know each other or that they might not have the same relationships, but i immediately thought of the time loop episode in 3below. in that episode, the trollhunters team and the gang from 3below meet and become friends and ultimately lose the memory of that friendship from that day. however, in that episode, blinky says that true friendship would last against the test of time; if they were meant to be together, then they would be. and guess what? even though none of them remember that happening, they all still became friends. it was meant to be.

i think a lot of anxieties about the changed timeline are because people loved the events of trollhunters so much that they a) don't want to see anything changed and/or b) are trying to project the events of trollhunters onto the new timeline and are upset when they don't fit. toby won't be the same kind of hero that jim is, though - he never has been. inevitably, the story will be different, and that's scary. that was the risk jim took, though, and jim has always trusted in toby, so why shouldn't we?

to me, tales of arcadia has never been about clean endings that make you feel entirely good. they've always left me with a tang of bitter along with the sweet, and i think that's the point. tales of arcadia has always battled with hard questions and difficult endings, and i don't see rise of the titans being any different from that.

like i said before, i don't think rise of the titans is perfect. but you can hate it as much as you want; i still really think it did a good job with the story it was trying to tell. i mean, ending with the idea that all lives are important and worth saving, no matter the risk? that heroism inherently means being part of a collective that you trust and believe in? that through time and space, you will always be able to find and connect with the people you love? that's powerful.

im climbing off my soapbox now, but basically tl;dr: rise of the titans was a good finale, despite it's imperfections, and i think that's all i can ask for.

also if you don't like toby as the trollhunter just because you don't like him breaking out of the 'funny sidekick' archetype you can die by my blade

[hyperfixation-stations]

Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff and the Story Parallels

We are back again with another Avengers post, this hyperfixation seems to be sticking around for a while so y’all are just unfortunately going to have to deal with it. So in my re-watch of all the Avengers movies I noticed a parallel between Wanda and Tony’s arcs, but how when they are confronted with similar issues they react in such different ways that really cement who they truly are. 

There is quite a bit of overlap between Wanda and Tony’s stories and while they aren’t exactly the same, they are similar enough to draw comparisons too. They both have dead families, both have done bad things and are trying to move on from it, they have been branded certain things and are trying to move on from those labels, etc. However when they are confronted with the realities of this situations, one person sacrifices for the greater good and the other doesn’t and it’s not the character who you think it is. 

In situations where it comes down to in a moment of crisis choosing something that will help the greater good even if it means losing something so important to them, Wanda always chooses the later. We see this in Infinity War, Age of Ultron, WandaVision. Even if she starts out as morally grey or a “villain”, when it comes down to it she is willing to pick the side that means saving the lives of others. She kills Vision in Infinity War (the last person that she truly loves and who loves her back just as equally) because that means that Thanos won’t have the mind stone and he can’t end humanity. When in AOU the twins are promised a better life with Ultron, her and Pietro immediately switch sides because they don’t agree with what Ultron is doing. In WandaVision when she finds out that the hex is actually hurting people she immediately ends it. This is a person who has lost so much and is willing to put it all on the line time and time again because she believes in doing what is right. 

Tony when he is confronted with these same things can never find it in himself to make these same choices. When he has the chance to go back and undo the blip, he won’t because that means he will lose time with his daughter (who isn’t born yet anyway), he drags a 16 year old into a losing fight just so he can prove his point, he refuses to listen to Steve who tries to explain what brainwashing happened and tries to kill Bucky, and he is in favor of the Sokovia accords not because he genuinely cares about oversight but so that way he can ease his guilt about the fact that an AMERICAN died in Sokovia (not any of the Sokovians that died that day including the family of someone living with him).

And I think when it comes down to it, why Wanda is able to make these choices is because she has been on the other side before. She knows what it is like to have no one care about your country and what you are going through and I don’t think she wants anyone else to feel like that, so she does her best to mitigate situations where that is happening even if it means she will suffer another loss. Tony on the other hand has always had people championing for him and always had people that cared about him and his issues. Even if people dislike Tony, he is a billionaire with one of the largest companies in the United States there will always be someone there to provide him resources and tell his side of the story. I think this is what makes the mark of a true hero, Wanda, no matter how villainous or morally grey she starts out she is always prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice. Tony on the other hand can not be bothered until he is either impacted directly or he has to be begged and had his ego stroked to find it within himself to compromise some of his luxurious to help others. 

And the parallels don’t stop there either. In the MCU both are confronted with their parents murders, one tries to commit murder and the other one eventually forgives the guy (and once again it’s not who you think it is). Wanda who is at least 20 years younger then Tony is able to find it within herself to not only switch to the sides of the Avengers and help them defeat a robot that Tony built because he is once again killing her country and then later able to live and fight along side him in later movies. This girl is in her late teens to early 20s at the latest in Ultron and Civil War and she is able to muster up emotional maturity and set her very real and valid anger towards Tony aside to help save the world. Tony on the other hand, breaks a document that he signed two days ago and goes out and tries to murder a man who was a POW and brainwashed into killing his parents and almost killing his friend too. He is unable to take a conversation logically and listen to Steve try to explain something and almost commits' double homicide. This is once again cements the idea (at least for me) that Wanda is more of a hero then Tony ever will be.  

There is one final point I’m going to bring up and its the idea of them being weapons of mass destruction (I don’t know if this entirely fits but I don’t really have enough to make a whole separate post so its gonna get lumped in here). Both Wanda and Tony at different points in the MCU are referred to as weapons of mass destruction, but they deal with this so differently. We know in Civil War that Wanda is doing her best to help people and she is absolutely devastated when the bomb goes off in Lagos and innocent people die, despite the fact that she probably saved more of them and we know that she is working and training to get into better control of her powers. She feels guilt and shame when being called that and wants to do better and then ends up in prison. In IM2 when Tony is told the same thing he tells the government to essentially suck it and claims that he privatized world peace (which is an issue on so many levels). Not to mention Tony doesn’t learn anything, he has no qualms about shooting haphazardly around people to kill a villain they are chasing (or contain Bruce), he puts civilians in harms way more than Wanda ever does. The other interesting thing is Tony’s suit is more of a threat tot the world, in that same movie we learn that his technology and his suit aren’t that difficult to recreate so his inherently more dangerous then Wanda will ever be because there is only one of her but there is the possibility for multiple versions of the Iron Man suit. He also continues to create more dangerous tech, i.e. Edith, Wanda can learn more about her powers but she can’t change her overall form. So not only in Civil War is Tony a hypocrite when he calls her that, but had he not been a rich white man, he would have been just at risk if not more for being held to stricter standards because his tech can be recreated way easier then Wanda’s powers. 

Anyway that’s my rant on how there is a lot of over lap in their stories and how Wanda is 10x the person Tony will ever be (although the bar really is just so low).

[life-rewritten]

The Gifted Graduation Series: An Ode to Pang and Wave’s love

As much as I try hard not to fangirl in this blog, and try to focus on just analysis and theories when it comes to this show. This time  I can't help it, when it comes to this show I always wonder if I should call it a Thai bl? Or if I should just accept that it isn't and move on, but then they give me these two's interaction, and then I'm a mess screaming there's no way Gifted is not a BL series. You don't need kisses or explicit confirmations of love between two men for a show to be a BL for me; I call Great Man Academy a BL and it's a gender bender, but it's still a BL for me. Why can't I do the same with Gifted the series? Because honestly the love of Pang and Wave may not be canon / confirmed as a romance, but for me, there's nothing else to explain it? I've tried using the oh they're best friends who are soulmates line, but like that's even more of a reason why they're in love, it's not like they get mirror images to other BL couple scenes right? (but then we get the earphones sharing thing which was the same as Sarawatine in 2gether the series, PhuKao in oxygen the series), it's not like they're proclaiming out to each other how much they'd die for each other? (but then we have Wave going to sacrifice himself with a virus that could potentially kill him and take away his powers just so Pang stays safe and then Pang doing the same in order to protect him), it's not like they tell each other every day how much the other person means to them (but then you have Wave saying he's so stupid for never giving up on Pang) and it's like wait for what? This has to be love, this has to be romantic love, I can have many best friends, but I don't think I'd lean close to their face inches from kissing and say that I would gladly give everything, my life, my ideals, my hopes and dreams just so they can stay by my side forever maybe its cause I'm a lousy friend who knows? 

But when I see that kind of soulmate, passionate and unconditional love my brain goes into overdrive. These two are made for each other if they were a boy and a girl (in this heterosexual forced society we're in) this would be the ultimate power couple heck we'd have seen them already make out by now multiple times. So let me just have this okay? Let me just write an ode to one of the greatest ships in NON-Thai BL history, and let me explain to you why The gifted series is a BL to me even if Pang and Wave don't end up on the rooftops telling each other how in love they are. I'm fine with that, in my head, they've already passed that stage and are lovers,  on their way to defeating evil and saving the world and staying together for the rest of their lives. Let's begin

Let's look at episode 10-11 in the Gifted Graduation before I keep on writing essays about these two's dynamic—the Virus.

THE VIRUS

You know what Pang and Wave have is special, and obvious when even the villain who is a psychopath can see that Wave is Pang's weak link. Supot threatens the other students, so they don't hide Pang's whereabouts, but he ensures that he gives a long side-eye to Wave, he smirks like he already has a plan for him, like he already knows what's about to happen, like he already understands that Wave is no longer the Wave in season 1 who'd sacrifice everything to ensure he's safe and his powers are still intact, but Wave is now Pang's 'friend', the Wave that will sacrifice everything even if it means he's hurt for Pang. And low and behold Supot confirms this with glee later on. It wasn't even a possibility for Wave to betray Pang. For Supot it was a done deal, that he had found a way to secure Pang under his control. That reason was Wave.

REASONS FOR WHY WAVE TOOK THE VIRUS:

Because he can't betray Pang, that's an apparent reason. But it's more than that; at this moment Pang has shown that his idealism for the better world is a failure, he ended up doing the opposite and actually was the cause of Supot taking over the school system and being the messed up dictator that he is. Pang is the person who set his plans in motion. Wave should be furious, should be doubtful, should be tired, but no, one thing stays the same. He won't give up on Pang no matter what. Don't get him wrong he is furious, doubtful and annoyed, he even shouts to Pang this episode that he's so stupid for never giving up on him, for always wanting to save him, for always wanting him to be right. And if you know Wave who is the very optimum of knowledge and logic, him choosing to go against everything that is presented in front of him just to keep on believing in Pang is insane, his undying love and loyalty for Pang can't be broken. And he knows it, and he laments about it, but you know what he's okay with it as long as Pang is safe.

Because he was guessing how Pang was feeling after everything that happened. He could already see what happens next; Pang would be so exhausted, mentally and physically drained, and probably on the verge of giving up and choosing to end all his hopes and beliefs. He knew precisely how Pang would feel, so he took drastic measures, the only thing that could bring Pang up to his feet was if someone he cared about was hurt or in danger of being hurt by Supot. He took the Virus so Pang will get up and stop moping and hiding and do something. He believed that what they had would cause Pang to switch on and be determined to help again. It was the only way he could do that. And for Wave, Pang's spirit, idealism, and optimism were more needed than his own potential. Pang was his most trusted hope for the future, so he gave everything to ensure he didn't lose that. 

Because he trusts Pang will find a cure. Because it's Pang. No matter what they've been through because Wave believes so much in Pang's potential and power, he knows that they'd be fine. It doesn't matter how many times they've failed before, it doesn't matter if the world is cruel and manipulative, it doesn't matter if people betray others, and change their philosophies, because, for Wave, Pang is his rock, Pang will keep fighting for what's right and one day he'll win because he's right. Wave has watched Pang fail and fail time and time again, but he always believes that as long as they're together, they're still hoping, and they still care, they'll be fine. Because Pang showed him why trust and unity are worth it. That's why in episode 4 he doesn't get shaken by Time betraying them he's just like, but we'll win. Because Pang is to him, his winner, if Pang cares and fights for it, Wave will be okay, and he'll be cured again. Because it's Pang, Pang will end up saving the world, and the gifted and Pang will be proven right. That's why although he feels stupid, Pang is the only thing he can't let go of in his mind otherwise his world would crumble; he'll be broken down, and his hope will be shattered, and he doesn't want to be that way like he was in Season 1. For him, Pang is his strength, so giving up his powers, his life, or his logic doesn't faze him because he'll be okay if Pang is still fighting for him to be. 

THE REASON FOR PANG’S UNWAVERING FAITH

Let's look at what Wave is to Pang because I've already been repeating over and over again what Pang is to Wave (his strength, trust, hope etc.). Before we do that, let's analyse Pang's relationships when it comes to his idealism for a better world. His anchors should I call it, the people who make him still want to fight for a better world etc. 

His friends/colleagues: From season 1, Pang got to be close to everyone, he became a leader for all of the gifted students in his year. He was the one who managed to convince them to fight for what's right. He had them as his team supporting and holding him up, and as we see in season 2, their hopes become frail, they become weak, and they can't keep up with their optimism as the world seems so dim and bleak. His friends trust and hope in him is what makes him determined to be a good leader. It's because of protecting them that he also gives into Supot this episode (after Wave) because he doesn't want them hurt or controlled in that way. They're his bargain chip for Supot. And luckily we see that because Pang is now weaker and controlled by Supot they've taken on the role to ensure that his vision for the world comes through, they've decided to trust no matter what in themselves and him to make sure his hopes comes through. 

The students in danger: For Pang, he's the reason why Supot regained his control, and it kills him inside, so he gives up to protect everyone. Pang cares so much about what's right, and people. Equality for people is why he started his fight for a better system, and in this season seeing students be used as lab rats for a virus was very unsettling for him, it's because of this he trusted Supot because he had a way to cure them. The students are his source of determination. he wants to protect everyone and ensure everyone is safe. But now it looks like he's failed with that. However, I don't think, so he probably is still determined now he has Wave by his side (haha) because they're still being used and that's not okay to him he's just secretly looking for a new way to save them.

Grace, Third and Time:  The next people that make him want to fight and stay true to his vision is the new generation of gifted who he's come to have to protect as well. Grace, Third and Time represent Pang, Wave and the other gifted students, like Pang they're determined to do what's right, they're optimistic. They don't care about the system, they are willing to fight and advocate for justice and equality. And they look up to him so much, he's their idol because he's inspired them to take on the system and fight for their beliefs. That's why we see them continue to keep on finding ways using their potentials to keep this vision alive. Grace doesn't care about adults, she really appreciates and is grateful for Pang for fighting for all the students, she's seen her friends (and thought one was dead) be used as experiments for this messed up system so yes she believes and wants Pang to be right. And Time started of doubting Pang's ideals, but now he also sees that Pang was right Supot is insane and evil, so he's even more determined to protect and help Pang to defeat Supot. Third likes doing what's right so he also believes in Pang because he can see for now that what Supot is doing isn't right. The new generation of gifted students is more determined now to keep Pang's vision, especially when they now know that change is possible. I'm sure Grace has already convinced Pang and Wave of a new secret way to ensure they have their vision come through, we just won't find out until the end when Supot is blindsided. 

WAVE PANG’S FLOAT AND ANCHOR

And then finally there's Wave: See he has his own category for Pang's anchor. Wave is Pang's most needed anchor. He represents Pang's determination, loyalty, and faith in a better world, just like Pang's unwavering loyalty to his idealism for change, Wave returns that back to Pang, he's literally the symbol for Pang's anchor to his idealism. He's his biggest mission accomplice, his anchor when things seem stormy (the person who grounds him and wakes him up from giving up, so he starts finding a new solution, he's the person who reminded Pang of who he was when he lost himself and his memories at the end of season 1, he's the person who's the most loyal to Pang this whole season no matter what happens and he's the person who is determined to believe that they will succeed and fuels Pang with optimism). 

He's his float when Pang is drowning, he's the person who reaches out to Pang as he finally wants to fall and give up, the person who gets Pang back up because of his actions, the person who Pang thinks of first when he's being controlled or tempted by Supot, he's Pang's moral compass, a reminder to stay true to his path, and to keep fighting. 

Wave is everything to Pang and more, he's Pang's truest source of hope and light when everything feels dark and impossible. He's also Pang's strength. And that's why Pang runs to him every single time it's time to do something for the mission (Wave thinks he's just a tool but he doesn't understand how much Pang needs him to just be there). And because of his knowledge as well he's Pang's guide, and logic because sometimes Pang can get too up in the clouds and so he needs someone to bring him back down. Wave does both, he calls out Pang when he's too selfish and dreamy, and he pulls Pang up when he's being too pessimistic and hopeless. He's Pang's steadfast anchor no other person will do. He's his helper, his person, his confidant, his advice and his brains, no one else.

THE FATED PAIR

But there's also a fated/destined vibe with these two. They're fated to be together. Because in Gifted Graduation there's the fated pairs, two people opposite and partners who want to bring a change to the world. We have Supot and Yuth, we have Chanon and Pom, we have Wave and Pang, and we have Time and Third. The similarities between the fated pairs is another post, but its there on purpose, and so is their different paths/changes that occur in their dynamics. Wave and Pang are the most robust destined pair. One of the teams has the brains, information, the logic and the other has the idealism, the idea, the vision, the hope—each pair start of trusting each other, loyal by default and sacrificial as well for the other. 

For Supot/Yuth: Yuth believes wholeheartedly in his friendship with Supot, he stays hurt and abused so that his dreams and his revenge for Supot's death isn't wasted, he refuses to give up on his vision because he believed it was also Supots. So he's delighted, and over the moon when he realises that Supot is alive, and he thinks its a sign that they'll win. So these two represent Wave and Pang's loyalty and belief in each other. The only issue is, Supot is a psychopath, unfeeling when it comes to his goals, so he ends up destroying his friend out of petty jealousy and also greed and ego. 

Chanon/Pom: Chanon had hopes and ambition to push Pom to become a great teacher, to fulfil his biggest dreams, Channon was Poms inspiration and source of hope. Pom was Chanon's confidant and partner in crime. So they represent Wave and Pang's push, and inspiration to each other, except Pom, betrays Chanon when the world seems like its crumbling down. Chanon crosses Pom for revenge because of being traumatised by the world/Supot. Their trust and hope in each other are damaged. But Pang and Wave's is never going to be damaged. 

Third/Time: Our newbies, they also start off being under each other's skin but automatically becoming each other's best friend, once Third gets his hope of becoming in the gifted program (because of Time's fight for it), he's grateful and loyal. Time is also appreciative for Third because he does what's right, but also he provides information (through his potential) to help their group survive. These two are just starting, but they represent the origins of Wave and Pang, that uncontrollable fate pulling them together to be a team no matter what. That destiny that ensures they find each other even if they hate each other to automatically start saving the world together no matter what. 

WAVE AND PANG: PERFECTLY MATCHED

So Episode 10-11 Pang may be shattered right now with hope. Still, all the people he's inspired, all his anchors and reason for fighting are about to help and bring his vision back, and they'll finally show him how right he was to fight for them. How helpful he was to them and how he really did save all of them despite failing time and time again. But the funny thing is, it's Wave who's right there by his side as he's broken down. They're both right now sacrificing everything for each other. 

Wave is holding Pang up as he is being under the director's control; he's the reason why Pang hasn't yet given in to evil because he's his moral compass in his head whenever he is being forced to do so. Pang and Wave stop each other from evil by just being there, they just need to show up by each other's side for them to want to trust and hope again that things will be okay. They save each other time and time again. 

They're each other's opposite; teaching what they need to know, perfectly matched to help them improve from their flaws, Pang teaches Wave to trust and be more open to caring about others than himself, he pushes his walls down to believe again in feelings. Wave helps Pang be grounded and come back to reality, to look after others properly and to be selfless and be a good leader. They're logic and emotions a perfect match.  

See why this is a BL? Why I'm shipping these two so hard. It's enviable to see what these two have formed. It makes me so jealous but also so giddy and just grateful that we have a couple like them despite not being stated as one. For me, these two are in love, these two have a bond that is unbreakable, and these two are soulmates destined for each other. They're the power couple who will save the world time and time again as long as they have each other, as long as they save each to other and as long as they keep on loving each other. As much as I couldn't analyse anything else this episode but these two, I will say that I don't believe these two have given up on their vision, they're probably secretly up to something, or they'll be pushed back to their hopes and idealisms next episode when they see all their peers fighting for them to trust again. As long as these two are together, they'll be fine. And so will the ending of the show, Supot will be defeated, he just doesn't know it yet. 

[demonologist-in-denim]

Okay, let’s get into this, because I have put off talking about Crowley’s cut monologue from 12x23 for long enough. If you haven’t already, you can read it here, or in this great gifset.

I absolutely see why this was cut. And I’m only acknowledging it here to talk about why I not only think it doesn’t add anything to Crowley’s story or our understanding of him, but how it actually detracts from it. After that, I intend to ignore it and let it fade away into the ether of the spn fandom. That being said, deleted scenes and cut scripts live in a sort of canonical limbo – you can choose for yourself whether to accept them as canon, consider them glimpses from some alternative universe, or do away with them entirely. I’m choosing the latter in this instance.

(This was meant to be a post, but it turned into an essay.)

Whomever wrote this was either unfamiliar with Crowley as a character, or was intentionally twisting the character in such a way as to fit into the convenient narrative that removed him from the show. Blame it on Chuck in text, blame it on the showrunners outside of text, whatever your preference – this doesn’t read like Crowley.

There are very few parts of this monologue that felt in character, that read like something Crowley would say. Not just in the tone or the choice of words, but the openness of it. And that’s coming from someone who writes reformed and/or human Crowley, with his admittance to remorse and shame and love. In this cut script, he is uncharacteristically vulnerable, sharing self-reflections he would never have shared aloud at this point in his character development. His dialogue lacks the layers of meaning or deflection that Crowley would normally employ, that he employed everywhere else in the show, even when being emotionally vulnerable.

That’s not to say that Crowley didn’t think or feel these things – I will argue to the end of my days (in spn fandom) that after the cure, Crowley hated himself. He hated that he was alone and unloved. Some part of that was due to being a demon and the horrible, evil, messy things he’d done, and some of it he believed was due to his inherent lack of worth. And I think this monologue was written in part to have Crowley make that final confession out loud. Final because, if that’s the case and he’s willing to admit it – to his former enemies and now the only people he really has in his life – his story can only take one of two directions: redemption or death. Embrace the desire for change and move forward as a reformed demon and full Winchester ally, or dramatically (and unnecessarily) sacrifice himself.

And there is a way to write that, but with Crowley properly in character and with the emotional complexity we know him to possess, not this blatant declaration. Maybe the line would have worked depending on how Mark Sheppard played it, and it only falls so flat because it’s just a script – I’m willing to allow for that. But this moment, facing down the boys after letting Lucifer loose, in front of an audience of Mary Winchester that he doesn’t know well and isn’t comfortable with, it doesn’t feel like a moment for Crowley to be this open, this vulnerable, about something so personal and so monumental.

I’ve no doubt that Crowley expected the Winchesters would one day kill him, “for good this time.” He was a demon working alongside a pair of hunters; there was always going to be that risk. Crowley was intelligent, one of the smartest characters on the show. He had to know that was how things would play out – either that, or he would die on their behalf, or because of their actions, even if he had ended up leaving Hell and joining Team Free Will. That was what happened to people around the Winchesters. Crowley warned Kevin of that himself. “They use people up, and leave them to die bloody.” Crowley knew. And as he internalized more and more of his blood-born conscience, Crowley had to believe on some level that he deserved it, especially if he hated himself and what he’d done.

But once again, if Crowley was going to say something like that, that’s not how he’d say it. It would be as a dismissive aside, or a knife in Dean’s gut in a moment of intense emotion between the two of them, or as a rebuke that the Winchesters badly deserved. Or better yet, as something remarked between himself and Cas, who Crowley likely suspected would outlast him but also ultimately die in service of the Winchester cause. Words like those have power. And it’s unlike Crowley to lay them down in supplication like this. It doesn’t even feel like a heart-felt confession, like his monologue in 8x23. It reads like someone wrote what was meant to be under Crowley’s words, the intention behind his dialogue, the much-exalted subtext, but failed to add all the layers on top of it, to put it in actual character.

I’m just going to bundle the whole beginning of the monologue together and toss it out entirely. Firstly because I’ve argued more than once that Crowley is an unreliable narrator when it comes to his human life. What we know of it from Rowena comes with an agenda, and what we know of it from Gavin comes from a man who had a difficult relationship with his father. It’s about as reliable as young Dean telling stories to Sammy about their parents’ time together. And there’s canonical errors in this monologue to back that up – we know Crowley wasn’t buried in a pauper’s grave, because we saw it 6x04. The “dying in a puddle of his own sick” is a great detail in terms of storytelling, but it’s almost directly repeated from Rowena, who said it as a belittling comment to a young Fergus. It’s too forced. And we know at least Gavin came to the funeral, because he tells us so in a deleted scene in 12x13 (remember what I said about getting to pick and choose when it comes to cut scripts and deleted scenes?).

But more importantly – and this is the part that really grates – Crowley’s iteration of his human life reinforces the narrative of absolute morality in the spn universe. It supports the argument that if a character becomes a demon, it must be because they were a terrible person. There is no room for human flaws, for characters to have made mistakes – and that doesn’t just hinder characters in terms of backstory, but in character development and emotional growth moving forward. It’s a stance spn takes more than once, and especially with non-human characters, though never in regards to the Winchesters. The Winchesters can become soulless or demons, but they were “always good” before that, so they are deserving of redemption. If Crowley or other non-humans were “always bad,” that absolves the Winchesters from seeing them as people deserving of help, or of their ability to change, or even to be seen as beings deserving of any level of respect or agency. And it absolves the showrunners from writing a character capable of development, of being able to grow beyond their previous flaws.

That’s not to say that Fergus MacLeod wasn’t some or all of those things. But if he was a complex character – if he was a person, as all stories should aim to present their characters – then he was all of that and more, just as the Winchesters are their virtues and their faults all wrapped up in an individual person. And if Crowley had brought this up some other time, in reference to his human life, none of this discussion would be necessary. It would be easy to say: he’s an unreliable narrator, and this provides us with insight into how Crowley feels about himself, and it would be interesting and valuable. But here, it’s used in justification for Crowley’s status as irredeemable – which is not true – and as part of justification for what happens next.

Crowley’s death was written by the showrunners as an excuse to remove him from the show – attribute that to budget costs for the show, or running out of story ideas for Crowley, or creative laziness, whatever you want. And within spn, it can be attributed to Chuck not wanting another character like Cas muddling up his Winchester Brothersᵀᴹ grand narrative. I’ve written before both in posts and in fic about how Crowley’s character-central instinct for self-preservation crumbles into depression after losing Hell and the seemingly-irreversible depletion of his and Dean’s friendship in 12x23. And that this ushers in a desire to End in such a way that achieves revenge against Lucifer (not a significant motivation, in my opinion, you’ve got to outlive your enemies to win against them), earns him the appreciation of the Winchesters, saves the world (proving his capacity for good), and brings about an end to his waiting. Glory through death, redemption in death – tropes that are hard to associate with Crowley unless you buy into his character’s devolvement in the latter half of season 12, but which the writers do their best to smooth into place and the fandom was forced to choke down.

And I won’t argue that Crowley didn’t wanted an end to his waiting – I’d argue the opposite in fact. This blatant preference for suicide, however, is antithesis to everything Crowley. What Crowley wanted in that End wasn’t an end of himself, but an end to existing in a state of perpetual limbo. Be accepted by the good guys, embrace his more human aspects, or return to the full dark depravity of demonkind. An end to the emotional rollercoaster, to continuous and destructive self-doubt, to striving to be both the king Hell needed and the ally the Winchesters refused to admit they benefited from having. That’s entirely different than wanting to end himself. As much as Crowley hated himself, he would never have considered death to be a preferable option – not unless some outside force, be it Chuck or the spn showrunners, decided otherwise for him.

Even if that had been the case, and I am wrong about Crowley’s characterization and his motivations, I still do not think he would have been as open about that motivation as is written in this cut script. It is just not like him. It is too vulnerable, too self-pitying. Crowley was always concerned about the others around him, and especially the Winchesters, thinking less of him. He never would have said something like this to them, not as this is written. Nor would Crowley have gone to the Winchesters with the intention of them killing him. He might have known it was a possibility, once he confessed his actions, (and from his perspective, there was the chance the Winchesters didn’t know of his involvement in Lucifer’s escape anyway), but it would never have been his intention. It’s not unknown for Crowley to encourage abuse from those he’s wronged, and to revel in the attention and emotions of it (here I’m thinking specifically of Kevin beating him in 9x02), maybe considering the punishment just and due. And Crowley at this point likely suspected he would eventually meet his end in some way involving the Winchesters. But death by their hands in this moment would have involved none of the justifying benefits of death by his own hand only a few scenes later – glory, revenge, redemption, a sense of closure.

Compare this cut monologue and its potential death – at the hands of the Winchesters after confessing his role in Lucifer’s escape – to this cut line of dialogue from later in 12x23. “Tell Dean he was right – you bloody fools have rubbed off on me.” This is Crowley. This is emotional complexity, admittance to a change of heart, self-awareness, and a brave act of equal defiance and sacrifice, with his usual smug, snarky dismissal. This isn’t suicide brought on by depression, by an uncharacteristic vulnerability. It is resolved, determined, if reluctant. This is Crowley choosing the greater good and the boys, even if it means sacrificing himself.

For me, this small addition smooths over much of the unevenness in the showrunner’s attempts to justify Crowley’s death. He has lost Hell, he believes he’s had an irreversible falling out with Dean – all of which could be overcome, grown beyond. But then a rift opens, and Lucifer is an immediate danger, and it requires a life to save the day. Crowley knows it can’t be either of the boys – that tends to have world-ending effects – and it can’t be Mary Winchesters or Castiel, because of “Winchester man-pain.” So that leaves Crowley. And having exhausted all immediate alternatives, Crowley does what internalized Winchester logic and conscience tells him is right. It would still require a moment of hesitation, a moment we see him combatting his deeply imbedded trait of self-preservation. But at least that would have been in character and show definitive character growth on Crowley’s part.

So yes, I completely agree with the decision to cut this monologue in 12x23. It doesn’t tell us anything about Crowley that we don’t already know, and is uncharacteristic of him, and provides out-of-character justification for his actions that wasn’t needed. You don’t have to agree with me, obviously. And I’ll end this rather long rant of an essay by saying what I always say: that Crowley deserved better. He deserved better than the mangling of his character’s motivations in the latter half of season 12, and he deserved better than this monologue. I’m glad it was cut from the final script.

[amedetoiles]

A meta rant about Yunmeng bros and reconciliation that nobody asked for: I was yelling about this yesterday in the replies with @goblinish but I’m still mad about it lol

I don’t understand the rhetoric that Wei Wuxian reconciling with Jiang Cheng and returning to Lotus Pier is them going back to the way things were and/or Wei Wuxian sacrificing again for Jiang Cheng’s sake or vice versa. That their relationship was toxic and should be left in the past. I’m sorry, but why?

There is a difference between having unhealthy trauma-induced coping mechanisms with internalized insecurities due to truly awful circumstances and genuinely wanting to hurt and treat each other like shit. There is a difference between letting go of toxic and purposefully manipulative relationships (i.e XY and XXC), and both of them choosing and wanting to be brothers again outside of the clusterfuck that is abusive parents, war, genocide, politics, and oh, death. Neither of them asked the other to sacrifice for them. Neither of them wanted that!

The problem was never about not having genuine love and deep loyalty to each other. They loved each other so much! That love is what drove each of them into making the ultimate sacrifices that they made. While their inability to communicate and express that love was certainly harmful, it doesn’t mean the emotion and relationship itself was unhealthy. That was never the problem.

I get that at the end of the novel Wei Wuxian frolics off into the sunset with his beloved, and they travel the world together chasing chaos and helping the poor, raising their son and their collection of adopted juniors. That’s beautiful! It’s romantic! They both absolutely deserve it! But Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji individually are much more than their love story. They have homes. They have families. People and traditions and worlds which have shaped who they are and who they came to be.

Wei Wuxian grew up in Lotus Pier. It built him. His sister and his brother were the first places where he learned the warmth of family, of love, of safety, of support. In perhaps one of his most heartbreaking admissions, he mutters under his breath and says he wants to go back to Lotus Pier even in his dreams. He is so terribly overjoyed when Jiang Cheng invites him into the throne room. To say that Wei Wuxian never felt like he belonged in Yunmeng Jiang or that he doesn’t want to come back is, in my opinion, an incorrect interpretation. When we have so many examples of all the ways in which he loved his family and his sect, and yes, the heartbreaking lengths which he was willing to go to in order to protect them. Sure, a lot of that was intermixed with unhealthy notions of duty and obligation, but it doesn’t erase the love. It doesn’t make it less real or less important to him and who he is.

I am not saying they don’t need time apart. They absolutely do. Wei Wuxian has a hell of a lot he needs to process, and I, for one, am immeasurably glad to see him wander off on his own at the drama’s ending. For the first time since he was fifteen-years-old, Wei Wuxian has a chance to breathe – to decide who he wants to be and what he wants this life, this second chance, to be. Jiang Cheng, too, needs to come to grips with everything that he has learned. He’s finally gotten the answer he has wanted for over two decades. It doesn’t fix everything, and there’s a whole new set of regrets now that he has to work through, but he can finally stop hating himself for trusting and loving his brother. He has lived like an open wound for 13/16 years, and he deserves a fucking nap, ok.

But why, why, should they not get to have each other back? Why should they continue on this stupid farce that they don’t miss each other instead of growing some goddamn balls and talking to each other? Why is the automatic happy ending Wei Wuxian marrying into Gusu Lan Sect and living for the rest of forever in Gusu as his home? He can have multiple homes! It’s a magical world where they have flying swords! They can fucking commute!

There’s no reason why these two shouldn’t get to have each other again. They deserve to learn, to grow, to heal and rebuild to something new, something better than what they had. It won’t be easy, but they should get to try! They should get to have it! They fucking deserve to have it! They want it even if they’re being stubborn Twin Idiots. (Plus, I think you are all underestimating the sheer power of our trouble magnet Jin Ling, courtesy name Jin Rulan, and the various ways in which he constantly throws himself into danger.) Jiang Yanli taught her two little brothers the meaning of love, of forgiveness, of compassion and of understanding. With everything that she imbued into them, how can these two not find their way back to each other?

A man can have his soulmate, his adopted son, his emotional support zombie, his nephew, his duckling juniors, and his little brother. A grape can have his sect, his chaotic disciples, his nephew, his nephew’s annoying friends, his adopted nephew, and his older brother. (This isn’t that post, but a chaotic gremlin, an angry grape, and a mastermind thespian can also rebuild their childhood friendship, just saying.) Happiness isn’t in a single direction.

tl;dr Wei Wuxian’s and Jiang Cheng’s happy endings include each other. Fight me.