#like give the girl something for all that trauma that you keep inflicting on her

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 27, Unhinged - Pt. 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of violence, death, mild kidnapping, human trafficking.

Word Count: 942

Previously On...: Bucky left to see if he could get some info from Chloe's stepfather, asking you to stay put in the safehouse.

A/N: It's coming, guys. It's coming.

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

You spent the rest of the day busying yourself around the safehouse, tidying up, though Bucky had done a thorough job of cleaning it after bringing you home from the hospital. You took a shower, watched some mindless TV, and did some research into Chloe’s parents’ online lives, which proved to be fruitless, but you needed to keep your mind occupied somehow. Your brain kept replaying snippets of Jade’s Hydra massacre, interspersed with the images of Chloe’s abused and discarded body and your own childhood memories of trauma. All these girls, Jade Carthage included, used and abused, manipulated for the sake of… what? The sick whims of corrupted men? It was all so wrong. It was wrong, it was unfair, and it enraged you.

You paced the length of the apartment’s living room, pulling at the roots of your pink hair. Pausing before the dining annex, you stared up at the case board. All those women, erased from their own lives without a second thought, the police dismissing their disappearances because… why? They were broken, damaged? Less than? As if their actions and misfortunes had made them any less human? Any less deserving of dignity and respect? Of life? Any one of them could have been you, if not for Tony’s miraculous intervention into your life.

You heaved a sigh. You could save every single one of them, and it still wouldn’t matter, wouldn’t make a dent in the endless tide of suffering brought on by greed, selfishness, and cruelty that people were capable of inflicting on one another. You could devote every single moment for the rest of your life to trying to save women from that fate, but it wouldn’t be enough. It would never be enough to tip the scales. 

You closed your eyes, afraid that you were letting your pessimistic thoughts get the better of you. You need to remain calm, focused on your goal. You couldn’t save every single victim in the world, it was true. But even if you could save just one, you’d be giving her world back to her, and that was reason enough to keep going.

You felt the buzz of your phone going off in your pocket, and found yourself hoping it was Bucky, calling to let you know he’d uncovered a lead. Instead, you were surprised to see a local number flash across your screen.

“Hello?” you asked, raising the phone to your ear.

“Ah, little dove!” Dimitiri’s booming voice echoed down the line. “How are you feeling today?” That’s right– you’d nearly forgotten you’d told him you’d had a bad reaction to drugs you’d bought at the club. 

“I’m feeling a lot better, Dimitiri. Thank you for asking.” You nibbled on the sensitive skin at your thumbnail. “Is everything alright?”

Dimitri chuckled. “Yez, yez. All iz good. Dimitiri iz calling with promizing propozition. The Gidra bossez are back to ze Viggle Room, and de are vishing to zee Kozlov’s best girlz again. Kozlov haz asked for little dove to come dance.”

Fuck. “Um, that’s really kind of Mr. Kozlov, Dimitiri,” you hemmed, not wanting to blow your cover, but also not wanting to leave the safehouse without Bucky. “But I’m afraid I’m still feeling under the weather. I don’t know how good I’d be at dancing tonight, and I don’t want to disappoint Mr. Kozlov in front of his important friends.”

“Dimitri iz not thinking little dove understandz,” he said, his voice a shade colder than you were used to hearing it. “Kozlov doez not request little dove’s attendance. He iz insisting upon it. Dimitri iz already outside little dove’s apartment, waiting to bring her to ze club.”

“What?” Your eyes widened as you moved to the front of the living room. Peering through a gap in the curtain, you were disturbed, but not surprised, to see one of Kozlov’s cars waiting for you, its driver standing patiently beside the rear passenger door, as if in anticipation of your imminent arrival. “Dimitiri,” you pleaded to the man, “I’m really not up for it tonight.”

“Iz not for negotiationz,” Dimitri said, voice hard now. “Little dove will come out on her own in five minutez, or Dimitri will come up and take her out. Iz diz understood?”

You swallowed thickly. So much for Dimitri being decent. “Yeah, of course, Dimitri,” you said after a moment. I just need a moment to get ready, and I’ll be right down.” 

“Do not tally, little dove,” Dimitri said. “Grida have asked for you especially tonight. Kozlov will not tolerate embarrazzment from you again.”

“Again?” you squeaked.

“Kozlov saw how little dove believed she waz saving little Birdie by taking party favorz dat were not herz to take. Kozlov let little dove’s transgression slide, but he will not be so generouz next time.”

Shit, fuck, shit-shit-fuck. And here you thought you’d been so fucking smooth. There was no point in denying it now. “I’ll grab my bag and be right down,” you said, instead. Dimitri ended the call without another word and you scrambled about getting your things together. You made quick work of sending a text to Bucky, letting him know you’d basically been forced into the club against your will, and contemplated grabbing the gun he’d left behind the nightstand. You decided against it, though. Bucky had been right– where would you hide it? And you highly doubted Kozlov would let you go meeting Hydra higher-ups while carrying anything that could conceal a weapon. 

Making sure your distress bangle was securely fastened around your wrist, you looked around the apartment one more time, wondering if you were walking into some truly deep shit.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[deerabigailhobbs]

Ok hear me out:

Adamgail siblings x inbred by Ethel Cain. Thoughts?

Oh, how I love analysing song lyrics :D

So I had listened to Inbred before this ask, and I'd actually say it's one of my favourite Ethel Cain songs, but I had sorta taken it at face value. "Oh, this is a song about an inc*stous relationship between siblings" and honestly, that's not something I'm comfortable talking about, especially with characters I see a lot of myself in. But after looking the song up online, seeing others interpretations and analysing the song myself, I think I've found an angle I'm comfortable enough discussing.

So, let me reiterate, because I think it's important. This song analysis is not about that kind of brother-sister relationship. I do not fuck with that type of shit. This is merely my interpretation of the song through the lense of the characters. Any references to love here, while dark and twisted, is strictly platonic.

Anyway, apparently in an interview, Hayden (the person behind Ethel Cain, for those unfamiliar) said that- quoting a Reddit comment here- "when she's using the word inbred, she's reffering to generational trauma. Trauma being inbred throughout the family." And I'd never seen this take before! Really opened my eyes and made me listen to the song in a completely different light.

The song is about a younger sister being dependant on her older brother. He's the only one she can fully trust. The father isn't mentioned in the song, but the mother is said to be "comatosed." I won't go through every single line of the song, but I'll do my best for parts I think are relevant to their characters. :]

Longgggg intro out of the way, now time to break down these lyrics.

"Watching him through holes in his door"

Now, I said that the father isn't explicitly mentioned on the track, but I do think this could be applied to Garrett Jacobs. Here, Abigail is watching him butcher the girls, perhaps he wants Abigail to retain some innocence, to him she's still his little girl. So he takes the victim(s) at night to his Cabin and carves them up. But Abigail is there, witnessing it all. Sort of a punishment she inflicts upon herself. She led the girls to their deaths, now she much watch the aftermath.

"Sucking on the back of his leg to stay warm"

The "him" now is referring to Adam. She's always by his side, so close that she could be "sucking on his leg" like some sort of leech, tight and unable to let go. He's the rock in her life. The only person she can feel safe around. There's also her "staying warm" and I like to think it of her as staying alive. The girls she sacrifices are simply one layer of protection, her brother being another. Perhaps she thought (especially in her younger years) that if anything were to go bad, if her father finally pointed the blade her way, Adam would come and save her. Keep her blood from spilling out and going cold.

"Older brother made a name for himself with the cops

Scumbag fuck, but I swear that he's not"

Due to their father's attention being solely on Abigail, their mother's presence all but absent, Adam would resort to other methods of getting it. That being: lashing out. Getting in trouble with the police, with school, with his parents, because even when they yell and hit him (more specifically his father), they're acknowledging his existence.

I think Abigail wouldn't understand at first. Just see her brother as a troublemaker. But as the years go by, all she sees is a boy in desperate need of love. And she can try her best, to give him that, to be there for him, but a sister's love cannot replace a parent's.

"He's so good to me and to nobody else

So you should watch yourself"

Pretty self explanatory. Adam may be a nuisance to almost everyone in his life, but he has a tremendous amount of love for his little sister. Although she can't replace a parent's loving touch, he still appreciates her for the love she can provide.

And to Abigail, Adam is like her knight in shining armour. He's there to protect her. If she were ever in immediate danger, she's sure he would be there for her, ready to defend. However, I can see her believing this less and less as she grew up, knowing her brother is just as helpless as she is.

"Mama's comatose, she can't leave the bed"

Their mother isn't literally comatosed, but with how absent she is in their lives, it's like she is. A person, alive, but not fully there. Unaware of what the rest of the family knows. (PSA: I do think Louise was actually a wonderful mother in canon, this is merely for the analysis)

"Something smells rotten and it's starting to spread"

A literal approach to this would be the smell of blood and decay from the victims. Another, the spread of crazy. Like Abigail said, "can you catch crazy?" Will her and Adam turn out like their father? Is it already spreading to them? Like a parasite, slowly infecting and taking over their bodies, until one day all they can see is their father staring back at them in the mirror.

"I'm bad, he's worse, we're already dead

We're already dead"

Abigail is bad for luring the girls to her father. "He's worse" isn't Abigail's thoughts on Adam, if anything she'd think he's better than her in a lot of ways, but what others (their town, peers etc) perceive him as. Abigail is the sweet, quiet girl who is "close" to her father. Meanwhile, Adam is a troublemaker who's the black sheep of the family. Due to the other themes of the song, I can see them living in a very religious area that isn't tolerable of what they consider "abnormal." So their hatred of Adam could also be due to other things, such as homophobia or transphobia (as I know trans Adam is a popular headcanon).

"You can't win em all

Who knows how much longer

I'll lay on the floor

Touch me till I vomit"

I interpret this as Abigail finally meeting her father's blade, bleeding out on the kitchen floor. And all she wants is for Adam to be by her side. To hold her until she vomits up all her blood, slowly dying on the cold tiles.

"I'm not scared of God

I'm scared he was gone all along"

Another self explanatory lyric. Abigail's life has been nothing but misery, and she starts to question the validity of God herself. Or maybe wonders if he turns a blind eye to her pain and suffering.

"Who will take the fall

Who of us is stronger

You'll just want it more

If you could, you'd have fought it

But you know you're not

From the start, they knew you were wrong"

This part stumped for a bit (and still does, I'll be honest) but I thinkkkk I've got something. Who will be more like their father? Who will follow in his footsteps? Going back to what Hayden said about generational trauma, which of them has an inbred desire to kill? Who has bloodlust flowing through their veins? Both? And of so, who's strong enough to fight it off?

I think if we're going off of the lyrics, it's Adam. I mentioned this in a previous ask, but the thought of Abigail escaping her dad, going to her brother, only to find out he's helping murderers really sticks with me. He took the fall. He tried to escape, to fight off murder, and came right back to it. And now he knows he can't fight it. That he's just like their father, handy with a knife. Knowledgeable in opening people up and seeing their organs on display. The people back at home were right, he's wrong. He's worse.

Skipping the second verse because it already goes over some of what I've discussed and well... That part, but I do want to discuss one lyric.

"If he wakes up, he'll show you what I'm talking about."

I have an image in my head of Abigail, the events of Hannibal playing out after her father cut her throat, and all she can think about is her brother. He'll see her on the news, he'll be here any moment now. To protect, like he had in the past. Unbeknownst to her, Adam is currently rotting away in some bathroom, his skeleton finally starting to show underneath decaying skin.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

[honestlyyoungtyphoon]

Sorry I hope this ask is okay but. I've been looking through your sadistic beauty posts because I am also a minho stan, and I had some thoughts which are kind of rambly. Firstly, I think that Duna *is* happy and loved, which is what makes me so fucking mad. She's a manipulative rapist and just so fucking awful, so why does she get a happy ending while Minho is turned into a sex slave? Literally keeps me up at night 1/

Secondly, people don’t really say a lot about Haesol and I think he was cute and likable UNTIL he met Minho and was like “you just can’t keep her satisfied sexually :)” while she was literally raping Minho every damn day. And then that scene where he sticks out his tongue while he fucks Duna in front of Minho while Minho is sobbing and pleading with her… Psychopath behavior. I know Haesol probably has an impression of Minho as an obsessive, violent, and abusive ex-boyfriend who deserves to be hurt but he literally has no idea the trauma Minho has gone through, and inflicted on him by the girl Haesol loves even! And yet he’s so obsessed with her that he’d probably excuse it even if he found out. Anyway, Haesol was like, one of the least hateable characters in the manhwa until that point and now I hate his guts but I do feel kind of bad about it 2/2

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

TW: r*pe, alc*hol, sm*king, ab*use

Duna isn't happy. A happy person doesn't drink and smoke like that. She's still a sad pathetic sack, unable to commit to the person that claims to "love" her cause subconsciously she's still not over Minho. 117 chapters still failed to give her any ounce character growth. Did she face any legal consequences of her disgusting actions? No. But is she happy? Also no. Is she loved? By haysool but I'd not feel flattered to be loved by someone like haesol. Gyrien left her cause she saw through her bs. Minho also finally got over her in a healthy way (the person she actually wanted to be loved by). She's still unsure if she could love haesol back, I doubt she'd ever be able to do so. Her and heasol's relationship is far from healthy.

I liked haesol at first but he lost my adoration for him when he continued to persue Duna despite her saying no. He doesn't respect boundaries like at all. He's obsessive and creepy in many ways but his cutesy behavior makes reader forget about his creepy actions. He's very similar to Wookyung. Both are innocent looking but very creepy.

I laughed at the scene where he retorted back to Minho about not being able to keep her satisfied. I mean bro, you couldn't do that either by your logic. She still sought out Gyrien, Minho, Wookyung while she was banging you. When Minho professed his love for her, she literally ignored your ass, until wookyung managed to break them apart. She was still surprised to find Minho leaving her house. She looked shocked.

I started hating haesol when he helped duna torment Minho and showed his tongue at him as if it was something cute. 🙄

Haesol and Wookyung are creepily alike in many situations. Both are obsessed with one person, doesn't respect boundaries, act innocent but can be devious. I really hate two faced characters like this.

Also fun fact, Wookyung also got attached to his first partner who taught him BDSM but his partner didn't return the feelings, just like haesol got attached to duna without his feelings getting returned. Haesol is a psychopath in the making. I'm pretty sure he'd end up like wookyung and would get obsessed with another person after getting dumped by duna and do the things to his victim like wookyung did to Minho. But he wouldn't get away with his actions cause unlike wookyung, haesol isn't wealthy.

Haesol is the most boring character in SB and I've seen people saying he's very forgettable. Some couldn't even remember his name lol

Anyways, this story doesn't have a happy ending for anyone. Duna is going to be a miserable alcoholic and smoker and end up with liver and lungs problems with her current lifestyle. Haesol is a doormat who'd get what he deserves. Minho will be miserable with Wookyung unless and Wookyung would be miserable too cause Minho wouldn't be able to love him the way he wants.

But I only care about Minho's happiness. Who knows maybe in future he'd become more independent and will be able to getaway from his captor/rapist. One can only hope.

[skyfall8600]

Killer Queen

Chapter 2: Without a Trace

Series Masterlist

Pair: Steve Harrington x Munson!reader

Warnings: murder, blood, bullying, past trauma, mature references. Readers under 18 are encouraged to not interact with this series. Bully!Steve

Trope: Angst, enemies to lovers romance

“But behind those Emerald eyes

She’s a devil in disguise

The prom queen has blood on her hands

Every boy and girl she dates disappears without a trace

So be careful when she asks you to dance”

[1.7k words]

Even though Hawkins is a small town, where even the smallest bit of gossip spreads like wildfire, the news about Justin’s burnt and decaying body was kept hush hush. Out of fear, perhaps… or even suspense. Either way Y/n Munson didn’t really give a fuck.

In fact, the rest of the male population were quick to jump at the opportunity of snatching her now that Justin was gone. Of course, her killing spree had only just begun and she planned on crossing off more on her list…. The only issue was she had to keep a low profile. Space them out strategically.

And for today, the first weekend after the poor body of Justin Miller was found. Which meant the capital of low profile.

“So, one or two?” Eddie asked, shaking between the two movie tapes in his hands.

“Neither.” She replied, her dark red pointed nails flicking page after page of her magazine.

Dramatically, Eddie collapsed onto the couch, clutching at his chest.

“You wound me— my own flesh and blood refusing to take part in one of the only traditions we have, Slasher Saturdays.”

“If I recall, I haven’t been around on a Saturday in quite some time now—so it’s not really a tradition anymore, right?”

Smirking at his little sister's reciprocal sarcasm, Eddie refused to give up. “And if I say it’s a tradition, then it’s a tradition. Now, pick one OR two.”

Sighing, the young girl forgot for a moment about all her troubles. Here alone in their little trailer with Uncle Wayne at work, it was easy for her to remember the happy moments in her life. Despite how little they had most of the time, Eddie was the type of big brother who drowned out the rest of the world easily.

Whether it be through his stories that made the scary night seem magical, or recklessness for rules; Y/n was never afraid or sad when he was around. And right now, back in the theatrics of Munson Movie night…. Y/n almost forgot the horrors she witnessed— and inflicted.

Eddie prided himself knowing he was his little sister’s hero. He’d gladly surrender a full night's sleep so she felt safe. Which made what happened all those months ago so much worse.

In the beginning he noticed a few bruises; nothing of concern to him since she most likely had his same clumsy genes. Then two nights before the incident he swore his soul was ripped out of him. On the outside she looked fine, no physical damages…. Yet the eyes— those eyes that used to be full of happiness and wonder were dull beyond compare.

He pushed Wayne to tell him why Y/n had to leave, to understand why she needed more than Eddie to feel safe.

Was there something he missed? Was she experiencing more than just school yard bullies tormenting her?

He initially felt like a failure when she refused to meet his gaze, getting into the truck with all her belongings to go live with distant relatives. As much as he tried to find out who may have hurt his baby sister right under his nose, yet there were no clues. Only the memory of the haunted emptiness in her eyes.

And so Eddie vowed to himself that when she returned he’d keep a closer eye, be kinder at home and never— NEVER let her experience anything horrible again. Although, her sudden change in persona and new found social life was making it difficult for him. He thought that perhaps it was good for her that she was making an effort to make friends— even if they weren’t his first choice of crowd. He could live with it, he could put up with her hanging out with snobby jocks if it meant she got the sparkle in her eye back.

He just had to push down his worries, especially now that Justin was brutally murdered.

“Uh, Eds?” She spoke, nudging her brother with her elbow. “I smell burning.”

His eyes widened and he forced himself to stop thinking about the possible ‘what if’ and bring himself back into the real world.

“Shit—burnt the fucking popcorn.”

His heart strings tore in his chest when he heard her faint giggling from the couch.

He could put up with it. He could— he would. She was back, and happy.

“Maybe we’ll just order a pizza instead, gonna have to scrub the hell out of this pot in the morning.” He said, tossing the burnt pot into the sink.

“Just wash it now before it sets!”

He scoffed her, joining her once more on the couch. “And take up precious movie night time? I think not.”

All was well as the movie continued, the two siblings joking around and enjoying having each other close. Momentarily in ignorance bliss for the horrors that were about to unfold.

Monday morning was eerie silent. The student body was too afraid to look in the eyes of anyone that wasn’t a friend, fearful that whoever killed Justin still roamed the school halls.

Y/n knew that she had to play it smart. Appear scared and fragile; after all, her boyfriend was just murdered.

“Oh sweetie! How are you feeling?” Chelsea asked, quickly drawing in the girl for a tight hug. “Can you believe it?”

Y/n tried to avoid looking directly at her, forcing her body to be stiff. “I— we were— it all happened so quickly.”

She knew exactly how to act to make Chelsea, flyer on the cheerleading squad, overly clingy. Y/n was skeptical about Chelsea's romantic preferences…. Sometimes she noticed the small blonde blushing when she catches her staring, she was always the first to change and rush out of the gymnasium changerooms.

Y/n didn’t care of course, she had no issue with people who chose to love those outside of social norms. Oh no, that wasn’t the issue she had with Chelsea. Chelsea had been the one to lure her that night of the incident, her innocent smile hiding away the sinister laugh she could remember echoing around her as everyone took turns tormenting her. That laugh that stayed with her well into the early hours of the following morning, her body lifeless and aching all over.

Which is exactly why Chelsea, sometimes sweet but manipulative little Chelsea, was the next on her list.

“I—I really don’t wanna be alone tonight. Do you think I could stay at yours?” Y/n spoke softly in the girl's ear, who blushed slightly as she nodded her agreement.

“Of course, cheer practice finishes at five so just swing past mine after that.”

“I can’t thank you enough, Chi-chi,” it took so much power to not vomit at the nickname, “You’ve been such a wonderful friend….”

Embracing the girl one last time, Y/n kissed her cheek softly. To everyone else it would appear as nothing more than two friends saying goodbye, but Y/n didn’t fail to notice the slight hitch in Chelsea’s throat once they departed.

Perhaps it was cruel of her, to be toying around with someone’s raw emotions like this. And yet, none of them stopped for a moment to see their actions as cruel. So why should she?

Walking down the halls, she tried to think of her next move. She wasn’t stupid enough to write down victims or how she planned to make them suffer; leaving a paper trail like that is just asking for trouble.

The safest place for every detail was in her mind. Whilst it had its benefits, it did mean that she was rather preoccupied. Which is exactly how she found herself flat on her ass after colliding into someone.

“Jesus— I’m sorry.” A male voice spoke to her, “Here let me—“

“I’m fine.” She snapped, getting up instantly. She fixed herself, trying her best to keep her image the best she could.

“Look, I’m really sorry—“

“I said I’m fine. Now excuse me.” She blurted out rather harshly, her eyes finally moving to see none other than Steve Harrington on the floor.

Flashbacks of him teasing her flooded her mind, and she didn’t have the time to worry about him now. Harrington would have his turn further down her list. She knew exactly who he was; an arrogant man whore who belittled anyone that didn’t fit into the social normalities. He’d tease her brother, filled his locker up with slime and rotten food, ruined his tapes that had fallen out of his van—

She retreated down the hallway with such fierce passion in her walk that Steve stayed there slumped down on the floor, merely watching her. She looked familiar to him, but the way her eyes changed and burned into his was something that made the whole world stop.

The familiarity in her face was reckoning with him, but it had been so long since he’d seen someone walk with such determination and passion. She fascinated him, captivated him entirely— how could he not know who she was. Perhaps he did, or had met her before, when his boyish head was filled with arrogance and stupidity. Thankfully, Y/n wasn’t the only one who had changed in the last year; Steve had learned to become a better version of himself, less selfish and more caring thanks to Nancy Wheeler and the small band children he’d taken under his wing.

It repulsed him to even think of the possibility that he had been cruel to this girl— who had just run away from him quickly.

“Already ruined it before I even learnt her name, nice fucking work Harrington.” He whispered to himself.

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Series Taglist:

@loving-and-dreaming @sweetsweetjellybean @azaleaforsure @cutiecusp @lipglossanon @sheisjoeschateau @tinydonkeysforlife @ghosttownwherenoonegoes @gothvamp1973 @taeddybearkim @anapockets @whoreforhowl

[peony-pearl]

Thinking about Iroh being active with Azula's rehabilitation and it definitely does not go smoothly at first and Iroh, experienced with Zuko's outbursts, does okay for a while - until Azula starts using rhetoric learned by Ozai and insinuates that Lu Ten was a failure like his father and his death proved the weakness of Iroh's blood. Iroh loses his cool and splashes his (now lukewarm) tea in Azula's face, immediately regretting it and excusing himself as Azula taunts him more about how his 'facade is breaking'

Iroh seeks counsel with Zuko. Neither want to give up on Azula, but Iroh is shaken by his own reaction. Zuko tells him that Azula's words may be spoken by her, but they're shadows of Ozai's influence. He asks Iroh to please continue with him, and Iroh agrees. He wants to see his family as a whole unit and to see them healed from the internalized trauma they've inflicted on one another.

Iroh eventually asks Azula the same question he asked Zuko: 'who are you and what do you want?' And Azula reminds him who she is: the princess who succeeded where he failed in conquering Ba Sing Se; the princess who was on the precipice of being crowned Fire Lord before Iroh or Zuko. The princess that bested Fire Lord Zuko in an Agni Kai, the second Agni Kai he failed yet is still the ruler because of that Water Tribe girl's help.

Iroh stops her.

Yes.

Help.

Zuko had broken the chain and had sought help. Azula had isolated herself, unable to deal with thr loss of control she held over others and thr subsequent paranoia of being let down, the same way Ozai let her down after building her up as his favorite.

Azula loses her cool this time and must be restrained by the guards.

Iroh and Zuko make a drastic decision in Azula's rehabilitation: she is guided by guards to a room where Iroh and Zuko are sitting at a Pai Sho table: with Ozai across from where Azula will sit.

As Iroh and Zuko attempt to dig into family history, Azula mirrors Ozai's words as she places her Pai Sho pieces. The conversation is heated, but Zuko and Iroh use each other's presence to keep their emotions in check while Ozai and Azula bite down and insult the two. Its a game of hurt and salt in old wounds - until Azula's Pai Sho piece has Ozai's cornered. She looks at him with pride, but she is taken back by his livid expression when he realizes she's beaten him.

Ozai, becoming cornered by Zuko and Iroh demanding to know what happened to Ursa and Azulon, tosses the Pai Sho table onto Azula, exclaiming he is the Phoenix King, and he will not be so easily broken down.

Azula sits, calm in the midst of of ruckus as Ozai is led back to his chambers. Iroh slowly places a hand on her shoulder, and she smacks him away, demanding to be excused.

She sits in her cell, so many thoughts in her mind that she can't sleep. Her brilliant mind mired with the thought that her father just isn't proud of her - and that makes her just like Zuko. Inept and weak.

But if he is, then why does he have so many people at his side? People who smile around him without his command? People who rush to hug him, who stay up for hours with cold, empty teacups just talking about everything and nothing...

Why did her beloved father respond so coldly to her after she'd proved she was everything he wanted her to be?

One day, Zuko and Iroh receive word from a guard that Azula has requested an audience.

They accept.

Azula sits at the Pai Sho table and as the two men join her, she looks up at them.

'Why do you insist on all of this? Trying to speak to me? Trying to break me down?'

Zuko replies 'we don't want to break you; we want to help you'

'What could I need help with?' Azula bites back.

Iroh's visage softens: 'indeed. You are strong, brilliant, full of ambition. What could you need that we cannot offer?'

Azula feels something tug at her heart but she doesn't have the words for it. Aching, longing, something she wants that she's never truly felt.

'How can you trust me after everything I've done?'

Zuko looks at her. "I think you're more concerned with trusting others; because you're not in control anymore. Because dad isn't around to enforce your power anymore.'

Azula is about to retort, but Zuko continues.

'You've had dad's favor for your whole life. He imparted so much upon you, but we both know you're more than what he's demanded of you. Dad no longer has you on strings, and I think that scares you, because you don't have his favor to fall back on. You've been in his shadow for so long, he's used your intelligence to believe that this is everything you can be. But Azula... you're not dad's shadow.

'Azula,' Zuko says; 'dad tried to hurt you yesterday for the same reason you isolated yourself: because you proved he can't use you anymore. You proved you were smarter than him in front of us, and that threatened him, because you're all he has left. You're not his puppet anymore, Azula.

'Who are you?' Zuko asks. 'And what do you want?'

[twsted-idiot]

MWAHAHA 4, 6, 13 AND 15!!!!! for riley, mia, and kai :3

GRAHH!! Ed, violence (duh..), sa, sh, cannibalism, and implied suicide tw.

4.How do they feel about sparing women and children if given the choice? Do they value certain lives over others?

Mia: ermm. Women she doesn't give a shit, unless it's like. She sees that the woman HAS a child/going to have one, then she'll spare them, unless it's like. A personal thing lmao. But otherwise❌❌❌❌ with kids, she usually leaves em 💀

Kai: he does not. Care. Either way. Pregnant?? 2 in 1. Child?? Easier target. He does not care. If he's hungry he's hungry. He's a boyliker, hes more likely to spare a guy than woman.

Riley: same as Mia tbh. If it's a pregnant woman or she sees that she has a child, unless shes a piece of shit, she'll leave em. She spares kids 99.99999% of the time, they remind her of her brother so.

6. How far would they go to save someone they love? Would they sacrifice themselves? Others?

Mia: herself if she had to, but def others without question. She doesn't really have friends so..that's not a problem. She's a bit hesitant when it comes to people like Cathy, but if necessary, she would.

Kai: himself and others <3 LMFAO NO ONE IS SAFE!! He killed and ate his own father, killed and ate random people because he wasn't being fed. You think you're safe?? LMFAO..

Riley: ...we both know the answer to this. Herself and others. Without hesitation either way. We're talking Abt Riley. The bitch that killed a girl, chopped her up while she was alive, out her body in a box, and put her on her boyfriend's doorstep. Because he was cheating on her w that girl. And then eventually killed him too. You think she won't slaughter one of her friends?? (She doesn't have many. So not really a problem.)

13. What's their relationship to their body? Self esteem? Self image?

Mia: She acts all confident and cocky but she hates it. She hates being tall and curvy. It attracts so much unwanted attention and attempts to touch her n shit. She also hates her vitiligo, she thinks it looks weird on her.

Kai: other than being feminine (mainly hips and chest. He doesn't really mind the smaller waist) he actually likes it. He's not like, confident and cocky Abt it, but he's also not super self conscious about his body or anything.

Riley: the worst out of the three. She hates it sm, sges short, flat, and covered in scars (self inflicted and otherwise though she's more bothered by ones that aren't sh.) She has shit self esteem, but won't say it out loud. She thinks her heterochromia is weird, and she doesn't like her freckles.

15. How do they kill? Do they try to minimize suffering?

Mia: honestly depends on the person, she doesn't give a shit about how much it hurts them, to her it's what's more efficient. If it's random, blunt force trauma (wether it's from a bat or something else.) If it's someone she has something against, your ass ain't dying fast!! She's sadistic, so she'll keep you alive as long as she feels like/she's able to.

Riley: also depends on the person. And her mood. Also doesn't really care Abt suffering, unless its someone she can somewhat sympathize with, it's just whatever she's in the mood for. She chopped a bitch up while she was still alive, if that tells you anything. Like. Cut off her limbs n shit. Shoved it in a box too. But like. She's not AS sadistic, she'll just stab the fuck out of you.

Kai: HE DOES NOT CARE!!! He WILL bite someone. While they're alive. N eat their flesh. In front of them. He's arguably as bad as Mia, sadistic little fucker. If he's in the mood he'll torture (aka if it's not bc he's hungry.) N I mean like. Ripping off nails, stabbing in non vital spots, hell start cutting off limbs n shit too (start gnawinf on them in front of the person 💀) so. Yeah. No. He doesn't give a shit Abt suffering

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[tailsrevane]

[book review] tehanu by ursula k. le guin (1990)

if you read a plot summary of this you could be forgiven for thinking something along the lines of “huh, not much happens in this one it sounds like?” but i’ll be damned if this isn’t the best book of the series so far.

we return to the story of tenar, the protagonist of the tombs of atuan. like ged with arren (i guess i had better start calling him king lebannen, but this is past tense so suck it), tenar also takes someone under her wing, in this case a girl she names therru. but unlike prince arren, who was burdened by nothing other than an overabundance of subby disaster lesbian energy (look i’m not gonna assume one way or another but i have my congratulatory message for starting hrt mentally queued up & ready to go), therru has to deal with some real trauma and a disability.

this book explores recovery pretty thoroughly, through tenar, and through therru, and through ged. it has one of the most stunningly insightful observations i’ve ever read, that “a wrong that cannot be repaired must be transcended.”

in tenar & therru’s stories, there’s also a pretty heavy exploration of misogyny. and the way this intersects with trauma & recovery. people see the scars that were inflicted on therru by men, and blame her for them, think that she’s scary & needs to be avoided. meanwhile the men who did this to her roam freely & participate in society freely, free from stigma. and fucking hell if that isn’t the most tragically relatable shit ever.

but i might be giving you the wrong impression about this book. it doesn’t wallow in this stuff. it doesn’t point at it and go “hey that really sucks, oh well.” that’s just not what le guin’s books have ever been about. the misogyny & the ableism & the victim blaming are important for how they inform character, for how they define obstacles, but at the end of the day they’re the framework for seeing how these characters take their agency back, how they tell the world “fuck you for treating us this way” and just… keep going.

okay, real quick, i should… if you’ve read this, or will read it, you’ll probably justifiably conclude that i find the way the vile antagonist of this humiliates the heroes when he has them under his power briefly. and like… okay, yeah, that shit would be hot as fuck in a more consensual scene, i will fully admit that. but still, fuck him, fuck his entire ideology, and fuck dudes like him. cool? cool.

on that note, this book also spends a lot of time exploring what power is, and what it means. and for all the examples of power being used badly, i think the closest the narrative comes to stating its own position is when tenar confides in ged that therru “obeys [her], but only because she wants to,” ged observes, “it’s the only justification for obedience.” and just. yes. all of the yes.

le guin’s writing is just special. it has incredible pages-long breathless passages, it has incredible literary montages, and then sometimes it just distills everything down to an incredibly insightful single line here or there. the rhythm of it is just so real, so lifelike. it really does make sense that her version of magic is contained in words, because in her hands words are magic.

s-rank

[unlockedcuriositydoor]

Headcanon: Angela's boyfriend, Jake, is in the closet, something their friend group and Angela herself is subconsciously aware of. This is why they have a silent agreement not to bully Will, but instead focus all their cruelty on Jane.

One of the first "lessons" El learned about life outside the lab (from Mike) was his adage "friends don't lie." Yet actually living life outside the lab has taught El that lies are ubiquitous. And through this, El sees that her life within the lab, too, was built largely on Brenner's own lies. "Papa doesn't always tell the truth." But first El has to work through the lie she's taken into herself that she is, in some way, monstrous.

Jane has been lying profusely. "Jane" feels like a lie. But lies are, apparently, a big part of life. So who will help her? She was raised as a number, a tool. El = elle, generic "she." Nina = niña = generic "girl." Her entire identity is built on a shaky foundation, through no fault of her own. She is struggling in a way that no one around her can understand. She can't believe what Mike says. He cannot understand. She needs to hide from him, in some way. Mike does his own hiding. Perhaps they understand each other on this level, perhaps they feel the need to stay together through the trauma of what they've been through, though their journeys must eventually diverge.

This comes to a head at Rink-o-Mania, with Will finding out that she's been lying to Mike, and not hesitating to confront her about it. And some part of him is talking to himself as well. She keeps trying valiantly to put up a front, but it's quickly coming undone. Neither El, nor Mike, nor Will can sustain their lies or half-truths for much longer.

Angela watches Jane and Mike together at Rink-o-Mania, just for a moment, and sees the similarities between their relationship and her own relationship with Jake. This is why the pinnacle of Angela's ire takes place at Rink-o-Mania. And El responds in kind.

Mike and Will and El and Angela are all carrying around pain and anger that is, in part, self-directed. And that always bursts out. Will and El fight. Mike and Will fight. Mike directs anger at El. But she doesn't fight back. Her internalized, self-directed pain remains the focus. Even after she strikes Angela, it doesn't help, of course. It's worse: she's externalized her supposed monstrousness, that she worked so hard to hide, for all to see.

Jake and Mike appear to have a tiny moment when Angela skates up to introduce herself to Mike. Mike looks just a little distracted whilst looking in Jake's direction. Jake just might be giving a flirty little look back. Jake and Will have similar haircuts. Two guys, same bowl. And if Will refuses to acknowledge Mike right now, at least this guy will. For a fraction of a second, anyway.

Well, it's a little mullet-y. I guess you could call it a mullet/bowl (bullet?), Mike/Will combo hairstyle. He can parallel to both. Kind of solidifying Mike's and Will's shared underlying truth. But enough of that..

So the headcanon here is that the awfulness that bubbles to the surface from what's brewing within Angela's friend group results, in part, in the relentless cruelty inflicted upon El. Someone they see as powerless. Suppressed truths slithering their way out in ugly ways.

El may feel, at this point, trapped. She spent her entire life trapped. In a lab, in Hopper's cabin. When she lies, it's bad; but when she's a "snitch," it's even worse. Another trap.

El being called "the local snitch" fits with her overall characterization, current lies notwithstanding. She's generally blunt and honest. She's the first to face the truth this season. She has to, in order to figure out who she is, where she came from, and even what's going to happen. This is why I think she sees the truth of what's between Mike and Will before they do. She recharged mental and literal power throughout the course of the Nina project, discarding Brenner's hold over her. This opens her up to truth. Mike and Will are slower to come to the truth. That all happens gradually, throughout the course of their road trip. (And even then…not fully.) Their truth has to be uncovered together; El has to find herself largely alone, outside of their presence, though their influence of course remains with her.

At Rink-o-Mania, Angela and her friends trap El in a circle, spinning round and round (like a record, baby) with no way out, until the final humiliation soaks into her. Now El is the one to go hide, curled up in a dark closet. You can see the lights from the skating rink flash over her in the dark as she stands up, mimicking the lights that flicker when she uses her powers. It's only a faint light; she's exhausted and feeling helpless. She has no powers. Powers were once her entire existence, day after day, no way out. But strong emotions wash over her now, once again. She is so accustomed to using her powers in place of interacting with people in any ordinary way. She is at a loss and has been for a long time. She tries to stick to the same script at first, imploring Angela to apologize and pretend to be her friend in front of Mike. But there's just no more room for lies, and El is realizing that even as she pleads. Angela's final asshole comment about Hopper pushes El over the edge. And so it culminates in the rollerschmack. No more words can be said. Just the blunt truth and blunt force of her rage. El is terrified that the truth of who she is, is what Brenner made her, and even without her powers, she is that person: a monster. She believes this is what Mike sees, and later tells him so.

Angela is rendered speechless, or sputtering for words. She's come undone. Now she's the one rendered powerless. Jake is right there looking after her, just the way Mike's always done for both Will and El.

But we don't see that this time. Mike and Will stay side-by-side in the aftermath, Mike sparing a glance at El, whose face is partially obscured by dark lighting, making her appear, from Mike's perspective, frightening. He's concerned for her, but he's also scared. Yet as we slowly close in on her face, we can easily see that she herself is frightened. Of herself, of what she's done. She needs to find that while she's not a monster, she's not a superhero either. She is herself. She just doesn't know who that is. Not yet. Her aloneness is solidified, for now.

And Max was the first person to really encourage her to find out who she is, therefore Max is the person to lend El strength when she most needs it…

(This post was only meant to explain a brief headcanon, but it quickly became all of this, and admittedly was partially inspired by the three or so Byler fics I've read in which Mike is only able to be fully honest with Will after getting concussed.)

[dez78]

The Truth of it all

--------------------------------------------------

Fandom: Skyrim

Pairings: Rumarin x Erawen (Female Dovahkiin)

Rating: 18+ 

Warning: Mentions of terminated pregnancy, Mention of abusive father, hurt to comfort, angst, depression, and guilt.

Summary: Rumarin finally learns the truth about the girl that broke his heart and that their love story has even more tragedy than he had originally thought. 

Notes: This will not be the main story line of these two, it was just an idea I had.

------------------------------------------

Rumarin sat silently on his bed across from Erawen’s, they were at the Ivarstead inn. Sleeping for the night, so they didn’t have to go up the 7000 steps in the dark. 

They had been traveling together for less than a month, yet he felt like he had known her his entire life. 

The demons that settled within him got louder every day and he yearned to tell her; he wanted nothing more than to spill his fears to her. Something inside him told him not to though, telling him she wouldn’t care, she’d brush it off, or give him absurd reasons not to feel the way he does. 

He cried a lot at night without her knowledge, his heart ached from past trauma. He used his sarcastic humor as a facade to hide the fact that he was deeply hurt. 

Rumarin rested his face in his palms and silently wept, like he had many nights before. His agony poured out in the form of sobs and tears. He couldn’t stop the flow of pain that came with it. 

The despair of needing someone, yet not wanting to burden anyone with his problems. He was trapped in his own mind with no hope of a way out. His mind screamed at him as he sobbed away the sorrow. 

His silent pleas of despair were disrupted suddenly, when he felt the furs on his bed rustling and a gentle hand on his back. 

“Ru?” Came the voice of his traveling companion, the woman he had grown fond of. 

Rumarin looked up and met the concerned, tired eyes of Erawen. Rumarin’s lip quivered, and his tears continued to chase each other down his soft cheekbones. To Erawen, he looked like a sad boy, and it broke her heart. 

She knew a bit about him already and knew he wasn’t treated fairly in childhood. She didn’t know that he was in such pain though and that he kept this from her, she had a feeling this wasn’t the first cry he had in their time together. 

“What’s on your mind?” Erawen cooed as she rubbed Rumarin’s back, he wanted to resist, but he knew he couldn’t keep it bottled up any longer. He felt like he could truly trust her, so he opened up. 

“When I was a child, Otero wasn’t my only friend, I had another. Her name was Erawen, it’s a popular name, so don’t worry.” Rumarin tried to laugh, but his heart stung. He wanted to forget about the starry eyed Altmer girl that he loved so, but he couldn’t. 

“She was so beautiful, even back when were elflings. She was my best friend. She was my soulmate, I knew it. I felt it.” Rumarin smiled fondly, Erawen shifted her feet uncomfortably. 

“She told me she loved me and that she wanted to be with me, that I was her soulmate. We did everything together and I felt like I was finally complete.” Rumarin explained, his heart burning with agony. 

Tears trickled down his face and he wiped them away in a desperate attempt to be brave. 

“But she didn’t feel the same way in the end, she left without a reason why. She broke my heart and left me with no remorse, I thought I had done something wrong. She was everything to me and she just up and left me with no warning. It hurt so bad and I’m still not fully recovered from the agony.” Rumarin sobbed harder as he threw his face in his hands. 

Erawen moved away from him slowly, Rumarin noticed this and looked up slowly, he could see the expressions playing over Erawen’s face and it dawned on him. 

His face went from dejection to anger, he stood slowly. 

“It’s you!” He cried suddenly, pointing at the other Altmer, she bowed her head. Rumarin’s lip quivered violently, 

“Do you know the pain that you’ve inflicted on my all these years! Do have any idea how badly it hurt me? Leaving me with no warning! Telling me you loved me! If you loved me, you wouldn’t have left me in the first place!” Rumarin screamed, now Erawen was angry. 

“I didn’t have a choice!” She screamed back, Rumarin flared his nostrils, 

“You always have a choice! And you chose to break my heart and tear out my soul! I believed you were my soulmate!” He screamed, 

“I still am! And I still love you!” Erawen wailed. 

“How could you even say that?” Rumarin growled, Erawen approached him, 

“My father found out about the baby Rumarin!” She screamed, poking his chest. Rumarin stumbled as he was taken aback. 

“What baby?” He questioned, now Erawen was the one crying. 

“Our baby daughter, I was with child and my father forced me to terminate the pregnancy because he didn’t want his noble daughter being tainted by a commoner! Don’t you see? It wasn’t my choice, I wanted to leave with you and raise our daughter, but my father moved me away with my mother. Far away, to ensure we would never see each other again!” Erawen wailed, tears falling violently from her gorgeous face. 

“I didn’t want to leave you, I thought about you and our daughter every day and cried every single night. I loved you so much, I still do. It wasn’t fair what my father did, he was the one that tore us apart, not me.” Erawen shook her head with her tears falling. 

“Rumarin is also a common Altmer name, I didn’t think it was you, but I had my suspicions from the start. Especially after hearing about Otero.” She continued, she wiped her nose with her sleeve and went up to Rumarin and hugged him. 

“It’s me Ru, I’m back, please forgive me.” Erawen explained, Rumarin was even more hurt for different reasons now. How long had he blamed her for his heart ache when she was suffering worse. 

“There’s nothing to forgive, I was an ass, I’m sorry. Please if anyone needs forgiving its me. I shouldn’t have blamed you.” Rumarin explained, Erawen nuzzled into his chest, taking in his scent which immediately calmed her. 

“There’s nothing to forgive.” She hummed, it felt so good to be in his arms again, it brought back so many memories and healed so much heartache. Erawen sighed deeply and finished the conversation with a whisper, 

“I love you, Ru. I always have...”

“And I always will.” 

[jjorbles]

My Favorite Movies & Shows of 2022

There were only really 8 movies that I saw and really loved that came out this year, so here they are in mostly no particular order.

Movies:

Glass Onion

This is the only entry I've actually rewatched so far. Rian Johnson's movies always reward repeat viewings, especially the Knives Out series. I love the characters and how much fun everyone seems to be having playing them. I hope Rian Johnson & Daniel Craig keep making these forever, and I hope this finally gets Janelle Monáe the recognition she deserves and we get many more lead roles in amazing movies from her.

Nope

This one has haunted me since I saw it. Jordan Peele's movies always give me a lot to think about, but something about this one cut deep into my core. It created the perfect monster to manifest all my fears, anxieties, and trauma about performing, existing as a spectacle, and the dehumanizing feeling of laying your soul bare to an audience, and the devil's bargain that that is. It's also the most invested I've ever been in the characters of a Jordan Peele movie, as the protagonists of his previous movies felt a little more like vehicles for the themes of the story than real people. I got really attached to OJ & Em, which made the horror much more effective. I wish I could've seen this in IMAX, even though I'm not sure I could've even handled that.

Everything, Everywhere, All at Once

This movie is exactly what the title says, such a bizarre mishmash of tones and ideas that somehow comes together as a beautifully simple story of family. It grounds itself in honest optimism without it feeling forced. In times that feel so willfully overwhelming that they drive us towards nihilism, the unwavering optimism at the core of this movie was exactly what I needed.

Turning Red

I've always loved monsters as metaphors for the uncomfortable aspects of the human experience. Monsters as puberty metaphors have been done before, but usually only for boys, at least in media aimed at younger audiences. Female-coded versions are usually the exclusive domain of R-rated horror. A movie like this that uses the creative framework of a family of were-pandas to talk frankly about the coming of age of teen girls is long overdue, and this knocks it out of the park.

Violent Night

I was not expecting this to be as good as it was. We've had killer Santa's before, but never one that quite balanced the ironically violent premise with a genuinely sweet family Christmas story. David Harbour is perfect as a cynical, world-weary Santa who still has a heart of gold and just needs to be reminded of the spirit of the holidays...while also brutally murdering armed burglars like a Christmas themed Jason Voorhees. The conflicting tones shouldn't work as well as they do, but I enjoyed this thoroughly and will definitely be making it a yearly tradition.

Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio

Pinocchio's always been a story about the temptations of boyhood but trust GDT to take that to dark places nobody's ever dared before. It's not just the usual moralizing about "stay in school" & "don't trust strangers". This goes hard into "beware of fascists" and "the church is using you". Pulls absolutely no punches and the animation and design works are hauntingly gorgeous. Easily my favorite Pinocchio ever.

Men

This one I haven't seen talked about much especially compared to the director's previous movies, but I haven't stopped thinking about it since it came out. An uncomfortable, tortuously brutal movie that manages to be about the self-inflicted hell of toxic masculinity without over-empathizing, acknowledging men's pain without ever shaming the female lead for not coddling them. The final few minutes are mind-blowing with a killer cut to the end credits that still sticks with me.

Prey

It took way too long to make good use of the Predator formula. They should've tried something like this years ago. Just pick any point in history, any group of people with survival skills, and sic a Predator on them. It's overdue, but well worth that wait. It's also refreshing to have a movie about Native Americans that doesn't feel the need to insert a token white guy as a crutch.

Movies that I meant to see but I haven't yet: X, Pearl, The Northman, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, Wendell & Wild

If you don't see your favorites, either I didn't like it that much or I wasn't interested. 🤷

Shows:

Andor

It feel SO GOOD to finally be excited by Star Wars again. I thought my enthusiasm for anything outside of the occasional comic or novel had died after the backlash to TLJ (The best Star War ever, don't @ me) resulted in the two-hour backtracking apology to the most toxic parts of the fandom that was TROS, that any will to be creative or take risks had been banned from Lucasfilm. I liked most of the streaming shows fine, but they were the definition of safe bets. Then Andor comes outta nowhere and just blows away all my expectations. It gave us a genuinely great story in the original spirit of Lucas's anti-fascist space opera that relies on character development instead of nostalgia. The only show I immediately rewatched when it was done.

Peacemaker

In the middle of rewatching this one now. Wouldn't have been my first pick for a spinoff, much like Andor, but The Suicide Squad is probably my favorite superhero team movie ever, so I was down for wherever James Gunn wanted to go with it next. A character-driven, heartfelt satire of superheroes, masculinity, and American exceptionalism, that still had heart and made the characters feel real and human.

The Sandman

Neil Gaiman's Sandman was one of the comics thought unfilmable, so that it turned out as good as it did is a miracle. The cast was pretty much perfect, everything they changed made sense, and I can't wait for season 2.

Atlanta

I'm gonna miss this show. Often surreal and always thought provoking, Atlanta is like the stoner version of Jordan Peele's Twilight Zone. I love how unafraid it is to completely break formula and give the main cast a week off to, say, do a faux documentary about an imagined black Disney CEO and his vision for the Goofy Movie. They honestly could have kept it going forever as just an anthology show.

She-Hulk

Fuck the haters, this shit was perfect. Basically the best Marvel streaming show since WandaVision. I've been waiting for Tatiana Maslany's next role since Orphan Black. The 4th wall humor was 🔥, especially in the finale.

Harley Quinn

I did not think they could keep up the momentum after paying off Harlivy, but the latest season proved me wrong. This show continues to be the DC universe equivalent to Venture Bros. Some of the best Batman satire not to involve Legos.

So there's some random thoughts on my favorites of 2022. I've been out of practice writing, so figured this was a good a place as any to put my New Years resolution to write more into practice. You might have noticed no superhero movies made my list. I am a huge nerd, so I did see all of them, I just wasn't too blown away by any of them. A lot of good, not much great IMHO. I'll rank and give some thoughts of them in another entry maybe.

[martianbugsbunny]

OUAT Thoughts Pt. 17--Episodes 14-15

I have watched through S2E14; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

Ended up saving Andor for the weekend, so I had time to watch OUAT. Enjoy!

—Okay no. I’ve had it up to here with villains winning because they hold one person hostage to get an object the hero possesses. This hostage is usually a person who would die for good, if given the choice—actually, these people often say something along the lines of “don’t do it, you’ll be letting the villain win.” Good is not saving one person’s life by screwing over everyone else. Cora having that dagger is always going to be a worse option than one person dying. It’s literally not even a debate. Perhaps the idea of such a conundrum is to point out that the hero’s weakness is being too good—but then it also tacks on stupidity and shortsightedness, free of charge. If a villain threatens to kill a hostage if they don’t get their magical world-destroying object, the hero is not the badguy for choosing to keep the object and let a single person die.

—Aaaaay, Mrs. Patmore! It’s a shame she had to die so soon, but she was gonna die either way.

—Also, heroes are pretty dumb for ever believing the villain won’t just kill the hostage anyway. Like, I wouldn’t gamble the fate of the world or the fate of hundreds/thousands of others for the possibility of saving one person.

—Y’all, I been so steamed about the cliches of Good v. Evil that I forgot Mr. Gold is dying!…And now my emotional pain returns.

—The only possible bright side is that there is the world’s tiniest possibility of Mr. Gold and Baelfire being un-estranged eventually.

—The other very dark side (you know, besides death) is that Mr. Gold will probably end up under Cora’s control. Or she’ll kill him. Man death is persistent.

—Rumplestiltskin’s soldier uniform was pretty.

—His wife is an arse. She told him that she would rather he died. I have no love for him pulling a Thomas Barrow, but I would rather have my spouse home with an injury, self-inflicted or otherwise, than dead.

—Young Snow White’s dresses are gorgeous. A little stiff, perhaps, but so well decorated.

—The Good Queen’s red dress was stunning, also. Once again, well decorated.

—That Seer girl was creepy as heck. It’s not bad enough that she has eyes on her hands, she also has to have stitches all over her face?

—Then she grows up and Rump gives her the High Five of Destiny and she dies. GG.

—I understand Bae not wanting to talk to Mr. Gold. He’s got a load of trauma. On the other hand, Mr. Gold has been searching for him and manipulating the entire world to find him for centuries. On another hand, a lot of Bae’s trauma is heavily associated with magic. It’s complicated and messy, but my end goal is to see Mr. Gold apologize properly, start reforming, and to have a friendly relationship with his son again.

—Snow White having a brat moment as a kid is a good move. My number one love for Snow White is that she is deeply and fundamentally good, but a child does not start that way. That’s simply not how human beings work. Her becoming a better person wasn’t an especially complicated, but that’s fine, because she passed a hard test for a good reason.

—After Queen Elizabeth’s funeral, Snow curtseying to her mother’s body made me a lil weepy. (My mom, too. She loves royal stuff from all over the world. She watched all of the important moments from Her Majesty’s funeral proceedings live.)

—Rump’s story now has a bit of a cliche in it, but this one I don’t mind much. He’s become like the parental person he always swore he would never be like, and that is such a real and possible thing that I like seeing it. It’s easier than we like to think that we might turn out like people who have disappointed, which is ironic because we spend so much of our time worrying about it. But it is possible to do better, even if you do fail yourself in such a manner, which I hope is portrayed for Rump in the following episodes.

—I don’t want Snow White to be a bad person. Emma is our morally dubious hero for the series; Snow’s appeal, as mentioned above, is that she is good. She turns the other cheek, she pulls for the other person, she believes in good itself. Of all the people to turn dark, she’s the one I wouldn’t want—but I suppose that’s why she was picked. Also, that might put her into direct confrontation with Charming, which I’m not relishing the idea of.

—Bae’s a Lost Boy. That’s fun. Are we gonna find out that he’s actual fricking Peter Pan at some point, too?

—If we can have stuff from story sources that aren’t Grimm/Anderson, we should get some Nightmare Before Christmas characters. Not as mains, but as a side adventure into another world for a limited time.

—Bae’s fiancee can’t possibly be a regular person. He’s known about Storybrooke for a while, and he requested to be notified when the curse was broken, so obviously he expected to come into contact with those people again. I don’t think he’d really drag a regular woman into that disaster.

—I also don’t think that A) Rump would draw a map to his dagger, or that B) Belle would be stupid enough to leave that notecard in her purse. Which leads to the possibility that the map was a fake, which is frankly the most plausible idea.

—Hiding the dagger in the clock hand was brilliant.

—It’s fun that future sight is being depicted as a burden. It’s easier to have a Seer be just an omnipotent person who gives advice, but in a vague or cryptic form, and who really doesn’t seem to suffer for it. The idea that the future is simply too much for one person to see is an interesting take.

—Henry eating his way across the eastern seaboard has been just about the only part of that journey that isn’t entirely tragic. Cinnabon, hot dog, pizza…what next?

—Probably some weird-ass pirate food. Whatever Hook has on board his ship.

—I want to know more about whatever beef Cora had with the Good Queen. Were they sisters? Were they friends? Is that even going to be explored later? So many questions! —I feel very smart having figured out that Bae was Henry’s father.

—Thanksgiving would be awkward for these people. I kind of want to see that.

—Pinocchio threatening Bae with a typewriter was hilarious. I mean, it was supposed to be serious, and it kinda was, but come on!

—Still wondering where Pinocchio has wandered off to. But at this point I don’t expect to ever find out.

[deviant-nomad]

Patrick Melrose: thoughts + quotes of interest, while watching

---

“I think the secret is not to interfere.” 

The parenting philosophy of Patrick’s mother. She failed to act when he was sexually abused by his father.

---

Man, the character of David Melrose is so terribly unsympathetic. A sadist. He delights in externalizing his insecurities as pain onto others. Patrick Melrose delights in histrionic, self-destructive behavior. But at least he has that awareness that cruelty should not be inflicted on others.

- David views sentiment as blackmail, a weakness.

I wonder what Hugo Weaving has to say about David Melrose’s motivation. He’s just so very unsympathetic.

---

It’s so heartbreaking to see Patrick lose trust in other people’s promises. His mother never keeps her promises. Now he distrusts the lady guest.

David Melrose: “Education should be something of which a child can later say, “If I survived that, I can survive anything.”

Nicholas Pratt: “It doesn’t do a child any good to be molly-coddled. I know it’s an unfashionable point of view, nothing that happens to you as a child really matters.” 

Just wrong in every conceivable way. Anne Moore gets angry and righteous, and the others shoot down her display of emotion as naive, a leftist. As if the only way to be wise about the world is to submit to cruelty. I found it so very hard to see anything redeemable in David and Nicholas. 

But the thing is, people like this exist in the world. How should we treat them? Firstly, they should be nowhere near a child. Is the only way to teach them a lesson by inflicting on them the pain they inflicted on others?

“Why do you think it’s superior to be amoral?”

“In the end, one must oppose cruelty even if only by refusing to take part.”

I’d like to have sympathy for all people/sentient beings. While never enabling the crueler aspects of our nature. But cruelty is just such a central / defining aspect of David’s character, it seems futile to try and find any silver linings/redeemable qualities in him...

How should we view / treat the people who inflict harm, in society? Cut them out like a disease before it infects the rest of the body?

---

Benedict Cumberbatch on understanding an addict’s mindset:

I’ve always been about moderation. I’m not a binger and nothing is habitual with me. So the idea of what an addict goes through is something I really had to come to understand.” (1)

---

“[My mother] is driving a consignment of 10,000 syringes to Poland. Everyone says it’s marvelous of her, but I still think charity begins at home. I wish she’d bring them round here.”

^Hilarious, sad, and wise all at once.

“I though you’d - er - put all that behind you.”

“Behind me...in front of me. ... Yes well I’d realized I’d given up everything and taken up nothing.”

“You’ve taken up the law! You’re going to ‘work for a living.’”

“Yes that’s the intention - in fact, it’s a necessity now with the medical bills. But I still feel as though life -”

Patrick recognizing himself in the poor lost little girl looking for her mother’s attention.

George Watford: “You must make a contribution. No person is an island. No more wasted time.”

^Interesting. Patrick’s conversation with George (friend of David Melrose) humanizes David somewhat. He even had some useful words (taken on their own): if you have talent, use it. And George says he was never happy, and that he would hate for Patrick to make the same mistakes of wasting time. Patrick has pushed down the trauma/memory of his father (totally understandable). But might there be something positive he can take from all that, moving forward?

- Princess Margaret is definitely giving Patrick flashbacks to his father’s cruelty. Women can be cruel too.

Nicholas is playing all sides of the room. Truly someone who lives without moral compass / guiding principle, besides climbing the status ladder.

Julia: “Honestly you have to laugh.” 

Patrick: “Well you don’t have to laugh.” 

Julia: “Serves her right.” 

Patrick: “What for?” 

Julia: “All that [status] climbing.”

Patrick: “You know I have some reservations about your character.”

I love that Patrick is repulsed by the fakeness of these people. How they whisper about each other behind their backs.

Patrick: “I just don’t want any more irony and tension. ... I think you imagine everyone else as just like you.”

I like the shifting lights in the background. Representing Patrick’s state of mind in flux? Either way, beautiful cinematography.

He’s really trying so hard to avoid slipping back into the past. 

The tension just drains out of Patrick after he admits his trauma to his friend Johnny.

“Now I’m exhausted hating him. It’s not enough. And if I’m going to break out into the world - not just this, but the real world.”

“Perhaps the only way to move on is to become more detached from yourself and more attached to something else.” 

“A hobby, you mean?”

“Someone else.”

Bridget drives away from her royal family and the painful history of infidelity. And instead chooses to refocus on her own family members - those who have always been there for her - instead?

Patrick talking to Chilly Willy at the end. He sees someone who’s found the light again. And he thinks he can perhaps do it himself.

---

Time has passed. Patrick is married and with 2 sons now. But it’s not a happily ever after. Though Patrick is not inflicting himself on his son Robert in the same way his father did, he’s still emotionally volatile, and that does create a hostile environment for the child. Patrick is so focused on not passing on his father’s brand of trauma, but he’s still traumatizing his child in another way.

“They’re just fresh mistakes.”

Patrick doesn’t immediately let go of Robert in the pool, Robert is actually at risk of drowning/inhaling water. Patrick is mired in his own emotional spiral and pulling his child down with him, despite his best intentions.

Oh nooooo. Is he about to have an affair. No no no don’t do that Patrick.

The fact that Julia is stopping him from getting nostalgic. Interesting. Perhaps because she’s seen how much he’s changed. And she doesn’t want him to be regretful?

Oh my god. Eleanor (the mother) abandoned Patrick while she got herself out of the toxic relationship. She abandoned her child. Broke all her promises.

Oh my god Patrick is trying to have an affair. HELL NO.

He smokes while gazing into the pool. Is he having suicidal thoughts again? He thought he made it, but old feelings continue to resurface.

Julia is a cynic. No use filling children’s heads with trust, truth-telling. They won’t be able to compete in the real-world.

Seamus is irritating. It’s all spiritual posturing. He knows Patrick doesn’t like him (for taking his inheritance), and still insists on encroaching on his space/time anyway.

“At some point, you have to let this all go. I don’t mean the house.”

Yes, he needs to let go of expectations toward the past. If his parents are unwilling to change, then clinging to such expectations will only lead to resentment. You need to accept the things that can’t be changed so you can move on.

Patrick criticized Julia before for delighting in Bridget’s misery. But here he is engaging in an affair himself (with Julia). He’s slipping/spiraling hard.

It’s the right thing to do. To stop expecting things from our parents.

Voluntary euthanasia is illegal in UK apparently. Huh.

---

“Life is just the history of things we pay attention to. The rest is just packaging.”

^Yeah.

---

LOL. Irritated with both of them, Patrick pairs up the hippie (Annette) with the cynic (Nicholas). Fight to the death.

Nicholas needs to go. Why is Patrick still allowing him to stick around? He triggers Patrick so hard.

---

“Still not given up irony then?” 

“Hardest addiction of all.”

“She suggested there’s no easy conclusion about what someone’s life means.”

“Well you can come to a conclusion about what it means to you.”

^True.

Patrick wishes he could feel more spontaneously. And then he just asks the waitress out. It’s kinda cute.

Wow. He feels so many mixed emotions toward his parents in the end. 

“Sometimes those who deserve the most blame also deserve the most compassion.” 

I think it’s appropriate how, immediately after these words, there’s a reminder (w/ the ominous music) of the rape / abuse his father inflicted on him. So that the sentiment about compassion doesn’t gloss over how horrible the abuse was. As Patrick said, he’s inconclusive about his parents. Rage, but also pity, tenderness.

The trauma is still there. Even as he tries to heal, forgive, and move forward.

It seems like David did feel some remorse. So he’s one of the conditioned sadist/rapists. It isn’t just inherent to his nature. But there are those out there who just feel no remorse. 

1. https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/benedict-cumberbatchs-long-hard-road-to-decadence-depravity-and-patrick-melrose-630001/

[hyperfixation-stations]

Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff and the Story Parallels

We are back again with another Avengers post, this hyperfixation seems to be sticking around for a while so y’all are just unfortunately going to have to deal with it. So in my re-watch of all the Avengers movies I noticed a parallel between Wanda and Tony’s arcs, but how when they are confronted with similar issues they react in such different ways that really cement who they truly are. 

There is quite a bit of overlap between Wanda and Tony’s stories and while they aren’t exactly the same, they are similar enough to draw comparisons too. They both have dead families, both have done bad things and are trying to move on from it, they have been branded certain things and are trying to move on from those labels, etc. However when they are confronted with the realities of this situations, one person sacrifices for the greater good and the other doesn’t and it’s not the character who you think it is. 

In situations where it comes down to in a moment of crisis choosing something that will help the greater good even if it means losing something so important to them, Wanda always chooses the later. We see this in Infinity War, Age of Ultron, WandaVision. Even if she starts out as morally grey or a “villain”, when it comes down to it she is willing to pick the side that means saving the lives of others. She kills Vision in Infinity War (the last person that she truly loves and who loves her back just as equally) because that means that Thanos won’t have the mind stone and he can’t end humanity. When in AOU the twins are promised a better life with Ultron, her and Pietro immediately switch sides because they don’t agree with what Ultron is doing. In WandaVision when she finds out that the hex is actually hurting people she immediately ends it. This is a person who has lost so much and is willing to put it all on the line time and time again because she believes in doing what is right. 

Tony when he is confronted with these same things can never find it in himself to make these same choices. When he has the chance to go back and undo the blip, he won’t because that means he will lose time with his daughter (who isn’t born yet anyway), he drags a 16 year old into a losing fight just so he can prove his point, he refuses to listen to Steve who tries to explain what brainwashing happened and tries to kill Bucky, and he is in favor of the Sokovia accords not because he genuinely cares about oversight but so that way he can ease his guilt about the fact that an AMERICAN died in Sokovia (not any of the Sokovians that died that day including the family of someone living with him).

And I think when it comes down to it, why Wanda is able to make these choices is because she has been on the other side before. She knows what it is like to have no one care about your country and what you are going through and I don’t think she wants anyone else to feel like that, so she does her best to mitigate situations where that is happening even if it means she will suffer another loss. Tony on the other hand has always had people championing for him and always had people that cared about him and his issues. Even if people dislike Tony, he is a billionaire with one of the largest companies in the United States there will always be someone there to provide him resources and tell his side of the story. I think this is what makes the mark of a true hero, Wanda, no matter how villainous or morally grey she starts out she is always prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice. Tony on the other hand can not be bothered until he is either impacted directly or he has to be begged and had his ego stroked to find it within himself to compromise some of his luxurious to help others. 

And the parallels don’t stop there either. In the MCU both are confronted with their parents murders, one tries to commit murder and the other one eventually forgives the guy (and once again it’s not who you think it is). Wanda who is at least 20 years younger then Tony is able to find it within herself to not only switch to the sides of the Avengers and help them defeat a robot that Tony built because he is once again killing her country and then later able to live and fight along side him in later movies. This girl is in her late teens to early 20s at the latest in Ultron and Civil War and she is able to muster up emotional maturity and set her very real and valid anger towards Tony aside to help save the world. Tony on the other hand, breaks a document that he signed two days ago and goes out and tries to murder a man who was a POW and brainwashed into killing his parents and almost killing his friend too. He is unable to take a conversation logically and listen to Steve try to explain something and almost commits' double homicide. This is once again cements the idea (at least for me) that Wanda is more of a hero then Tony ever will be.  

There is one final point I’m going to bring up and its the idea of them being weapons of mass destruction (I don’t know if this entirely fits but I don’t really have enough to make a whole separate post so its gonna get lumped in here). Both Wanda and Tony at different points in the MCU are referred to as weapons of mass destruction, but they deal with this so differently. We know in Civil War that Wanda is doing her best to help people and she is absolutely devastated when the bomb goes off in Lagos and innocent people die, despite the fact that she probably saved more of them and we know that she is working and training to get into better control of her powers. She feels guilt and shame when being called that and wants to do better and then ends up in prison. In IM2 when Tony is told the same thing he tells the government to essentially suck it and claims that he privatized world peace (which is an issue on so many levels). Not to mention Tony doesn’t learn anything, he has no qualms about shooting haphazardly around people to kill a villain they are chasing (or contain Bruce), he puts civilians in harms way more than Wanda ever does. The other interesting thing is Tony’s suit is more of a threat tot the world, in that same movie we learn that his technology and his suit aren’t that difficult to recreate so his inherently more dangerous then Wanda will ever be because there is only one of her but there is the possibility for multiple versions of the Iron Man suit. He also continues to create more dangerous tech, i.e. Edith, Wanda can learn more about her powers but she can’t change her overall form. So not only in Civil War is Tony a hypocrite when he calls her that, but had he not been a rich white man, he would have been just at risk if not more for being held to stricter standards because his tech can be recreated way easier then Wanda’s powers. 

Anyway that’s my rant on how there is a lot of over lap in their stories and how Wanda is 10x the person Tony will ever be (although the bar really is just so low).

[taylors-fourth-cat-meow]

Regardless of his motives or his methods, Rhysand was keeping me alive. And had done so even before I set foot Under the Mountain.

This is one of many similar quotes from acomaf and I'd like to break this down.

First of all, the word 'regardless' doesn't even apply here. You can't disregard SA. With this one word, she is totally just... dismissing the SA. It's like the female victim thinking that's it's her fault for getting SA because she wore a dress too short or was being a little too flirtatious. Feyre at this point is utterly convinced that what rhysie did was for her own good and honestly it's just so sad. I didn't re-read acomaf it felt pathetic to me in the first go and even more so after reading anti post on Tumblr and Reddit.... But (i'm a very emotional person) now I feel like crying. This is just so sad. Feyre doesn't even count her SA as a crime. She doesn't realise that... She as a character is being forced to forgo her trauma of being SA by rhysand and actually marry him by her pathetic misogynist author. Imagine marrying your own SA who actively drugged and tormented you for THREE MONTHS. It's so unfair to her. By disregarding the SA inflicted on Feyre, she as a character is being disregarded which is just so sad because she is the protagonist.

It's just so heartbreaking to see a victim say that the SA was for their own good.

I've heard this ridiculous argument so many times and now I know where it comes from. Rhysand was not keeping Feyre alive by SA her. By drugging her. Do ppl even realise the depth of their statement? The SA Rhys inflicted on Feyre was a necessity to keep her alive. What?? I wud have still been ok, a little on edge, but fine with him taking her out of that cell as his servant or plaything or whatever. But did he have to drug her? Touch her inappropriately while the population of a whole continent watched? Make her wear a transparent curtain that barely covers her? Mark her with paint? Absolutely not. You know what he cud have done? Thrown her with the other servants. With the dancers. Or with the housemaids or kitchen staff. Used her as his own personal servant or something. Treating her horribly while doing so. I wud still accept that. But SA? Abso-fcking-lutely not. The moment you start justifying his behaviour, you are justifying his SA. I hope the Rhys stans who call Tamlin stans 'abuse apologists' keep that in mind.

And lastly,........ Srry I'm still processing the ridiculousness of this statement. How exactly was Rhys protecting her before she got utm? By violating her mind? Threatening to shatter it? Making Tamlin beg on his knees? Telling Amarantha about Claire Beddor and getting the whole estate killed? And the poor girl tortured? Telling Amarantha Feyre was a huntress that resulted in the worm trial? Threatening Lucien so feyre wud give up her real name?

You know who was protecting her even before she got utm? A certain blonde who sent her home, knowing he wouldn't be able to protect her and that staying in Prythian wud cause her death. Which it did, mind you. But I wonder why that's not brought up.....Duh! I know! Rhysie has a bigger dick! That negates all his abuse and SA! I am such a fool!

The message that this sends to the teenagers and young adults who read it is terrifying.

[sylvanas-girlkisser]

I'm not into LoL but I've been watching Arcane and found your posts. Could you please explain why the cymbal monkey imagery from the “Get Jinxed” video is offensive? I'm interested to know how they managed to change that into something positive but don't have the necessary context... Thank you!

There's a reason I chose the phrasing "borderline" offensive; because I don't think its like a cut and dry: "oh wow that was super ableist" situation, but I can also understand why some people would react negatively to it.

Basically, in the Get Jinxed video, while Jinx is blowing up Piltover and fighting robots and whatever, the video keeps cutting to this image of a cymbal monkey toy with an evil face drawn on it. You used to see these things a lot in cartoons and such to imply a lack of intelligence, e.g. in the simpsons they would sometimes do a look inside homer's brain to show him being too busy imagining one of these things and giggling to pay attention to his surroundings.

The notion was essentially that it's a very simple toy, it just looks funny and makes noises, and therefore would appeal to the "simple minded" (yikes).

Circling back to Jinx, the implication with the monkey, taken in context with her very flat characterization at the time; is then that wanton destruction is her version of a cymbal monkey. She's not capable of recognizing the damage and trauma she is inflicting other, she's an overgrown child entertained by loud noises and funny sights. (Again big yikes.)

Original Jinx was very clearly designed to appeal to a very specific type of men, the kind who didn't understand who the villain in Lolita was. Original Jinx acted and looked simultaneously childlike and overly sexualized; with a teeny tiny bra drawing attention to her lack of boobs (not small boobs like in Arcane, absolutely flat as a board). She also had a clear, and often emphasized need for paternal affection, and suffered from unspecified mental illnesses that would make it hard for her to function in everyday society without a caretaker.

Basically, she was all but encouraging the presumed straight male player to groom her.

It's also very clear to me that with Arcane, Riot and Fortiche were very mindful of wanting to change that previous image of her. Hence why they changed her design to give her boobs (showing that she had gone through puberty), but also put her in a crop top that actively de-emphasizes them. And why they made her grow up with Silco, who despite his faults as a father, clearly loved Jinx deeply, in an entirely platonic way. (And would probably have Sevika carve your face off for even implying otherwise.)

The cymbal monkey gets a similar, but more explicit treatment for Arcane. Whereas before in League it was just kinda meant to signify "look at her she's craaaazy, here's a creepy noisy monkey toy". In Arcane, the cymbal monkey was the first device Jinx got working, but it's also the moment to Jinx where Powder died, and she became Jinx. It recalls both the trauma of losing her family, and her empowerment through becoming Silco's hitman.

Meaning that retroactively, it changes the meaning of a lot of things in "Get Jinxed". The cymbal monkey doesn't imply some vague "insanity" it references her inner struggle between the innocent girl she was, and the monster the world made her.

And the line "Let's burn this city to ashes, and see what papa thinks." No longer means "She has daddy issues and like blowing things up", it means she's thinking about Silco, and wondering if she's making him proud.

EDIT: I have been informed the line is actually “let’s see what pow-pow thinks” (i.e. her minigun). Still I maintain that the double entendre was deliberate, it’s literally the only time in the song she references anything League related, and the singer (possibly Agnete Kjølsrud?) barely pronounces the W.

[thefanficmonster]

Deep Breaths

Valkyrae x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Panic Attack, Mentions of past domestic abuse, Mentions of alcohol and drug abuse, Swearing

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst to Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having received a call from the correctional facility where their alcoholic/drug addict mother is being kept, Y/N gets some intense nightmarish flashbacks to a time that still haunts them despite a decade having passed. Luckily their girlfriend Rae is there to comfort therm.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your lovely request, I hope I captured what you wanted to read! Sorry it has taken me so long to complete and post the fic, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Love, Vy ❤

“Hey Y/N, I-“ One step in the living room and that’s all it took for Rae to pick up on the melancholic mood in the room. 

Her partner hasn’t even noticed she’s entered. Instead, they are sitting hunched over on the couch, elbows on knees, hand seeking their hands’ support to stay upright and their eyes hiding a thousand yard stare that’s got Rae worried sick.

“Babe, what’s wrong?“ She asks softly, inching closer to the couch to take a seat next to Y/N, “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?“

Through the fog surrounding their brain, they somehow manage to catch onto Rae’s words, forcing themself to give her at least a nod in response as to not scare her with their unresponsiveness. They can’t bring themselves to speak, it’s too hard on them to even think of what to say let alone spit it out, especially when their chest feels like it’s caught fire and their mind is still going haywire, heartbeat thumping in their ears as the adrenaline rush refuses to cease.

“Hey, look at me...“ Instead of sitting down, Rae ducks down in front of Y/N, taking their hands in hers, almost wincing at how cold they were. “Tell me what’s bothering you, baby.“

The girl is trying her best not to freak out or lose her cool, despite her already quickened heartbeat she can hear in her ears. She has every right to be reacting the way she is. Her permanently happy, bubbly, optimistic and cheerful partner who always seems to be as energized as though they’d just had a gallon of coffee is now a pale ghost sitting statue-still, staring off into the void with eyes that look empty yet terrified simultaneously.

Y/N’s mouth falls open as though they want to say something but the words die out somewhere along the way, refusing to leave their mouth and give them the relief of sharing their pain with the only person they trust limitlessly.  “I-...“ They finally manage to find their voice though their gaze is still avoiding hers, “I got a call from the correctional facility where....” They trail off, a bitter taste forming in their mouth, making their stomach turn and bite the inside of their cheek as they feel the urge to throw up start to become unbearable. “She wants to s-see me...”

They don’t need to say anything else, Rae’s already connected the dots and her complexion has gone just as pale as theirs. She knows how sensitive and triggering this topic is for Y/N, how many bad memories are tied to this one person in their life. To make matters worse, they’re the one person who was supposed to take care of them yet she couldn’t even take care of herself - Y/N’s mother.

Rae distinctly remembers the night Y/N told her the truth about their family life - or the lack thereof - almost a year since the two had started dating. Rae never questioned their secretiveness and respected their privacy enough not to ask about it, patiently waiting for them to tell her on their own time and own terms. It was no secret even from the very start that Y/N had a very hard time connecting to people and trusting them. It took them maybe two or so months to be able to call their now-girlfriend a friend instead of an acquaintance. Rae didn’t question that too, didn’t push to pursue a friendship with them since, from her point of view, they were already her friend, so she patiently waited for them to come around and start trusting her enough to accept her within their tightknit circle of trusted people called ‘friends’. 

Things progressed from purely platonic to sweetly romantic a little more quickly which pleasantly surprised Rae. The two were quick to grow to be inseparable though that didn’t mean Y/N gave up all their secrets. The darkest one, which happens to be this one regarding their mother, is the one they hid the longest and the last one they had to share with their girlfriend.  The night they did tell it was a very emotional one: plenty of tears were shed by both Y/N and Rae but luckily they had each other’s embrace to seek comfort in and protect themselves from the ghosts and demons of a past Y/N spent so much time running away from.

An abusive parent is not a bit of baggage you can just get rid of. It’s something that weighs so heavy on you and is such a big part of who you are that you can feel it as a part of you. It haunts you no matter how much you try to run or hide. It’s not something you can shake off or forget. You might have physical and visible scars from the time spent with said parent or the trauma can be entirely psychological - regardless, it lives within you. Follows you around, raises questions you’re not sure you want answered, degrades you - making it seem like what happened was your fault in one way or another - it destroys you slowly very time something triggers a memory of that time, be it a simple conversation that has nothing to do with the subject or be it the glimpse you accidentally catch in the mirror of a scar on your body - a scar you remember being inflicted on you like it was yesterday.

That’s how Y/N’s been living. Feeling responsible, feeling unloved, feeling chained to their past. They’ve done all in their power to appear unbothered and let it be visible, not even when around Rae since they don’t want to worry her.

But seeing as their past has caught up to them now and they inevitably have to face it, they’re forced to let it show, they couldn’t hold it in even if they tried. Although they don’t wanna play the unbothered, unfazed part any longer. They have been strong on their own for far too long and it’s taken a toll on them. If they keep up with the act, they’ll be completely and utterly crushed.

Not that they’re feeling any better at the moment.

“Stay with me, Y/N. Stay with me. Keep your eyes on me, ok? Take deep breaths. Deep breaths, baby. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. It’s ok. You’re ok.“ Their short-circuiting brain has been spasming under the influence of the adrenaline, anxiety and panic brought on by the memories of every time they felt small and helpless while at the merciless hand of their alcoholic, drug addict abusive mother, begging to be spared the pain of being hit with whatever object the deranged woman could get her hands on - yet somehow, Rae’s voice still reaches them through all that messy dark fog. “Come on, Y/N, stay with me ok? Please don’t do this, I’m right here, there’s no need to be afraid,”

“I...“ they can barely hear their own voice over the racing of their heart, “I don’t...I don’t wanna go....“ is all they manage to say, a tear falling from their eye.

“It’s ok, we don’t have to go. We won’t go. Your mental health is the most important thing here, Y/N. We’re not going and that’s final.“ Rae replies vigorously, tightening her hold on Y/N’s hands.

Despite the state they’re in, Y/N can’t help but take notice of the use of the word ‘we’, Rae’s reminder that they are not alone, that she’s there for them and will not let them go into this alone. That brings a small smile to their face, calming their heart and panic ever so slightly, “N-no, I have to. It...it’ll help me.” They sigh before attempting to express themself again, “It’ll give me...closure, I guess.”

Seeing that Y/N’s doing a bit better, Rae’s hand move to cup their face instead, pushing the stray strands of hair away for their features to be full exposed to her, especially their eyes, “Are you sure you want that? Can you handle it? It’s not supposed to be your obligation, Y/N. I mean, the woman’s a monster and she hasn’t even thought to contact you in half a decade, and now she suddenly wants to get back in contact? She has the audacity to disturb you after all this time? You don’t have to agree to this, Y/N.”

Y/N shakes their head, “No, no, I want to. I want to agree to this. I want to live a normal life, Rae. I want to leave her and all she did to me behind. And I can’t do that if I keep running away. What happens when I stop to catch my breath? It still catches up to me like I made no progress whatsoever. That’s not a way to live, not the way I wanna live, at least.”

Rae nods slowly, fully understanding what Y/N is referring to. She maybe hasn’t said anything about it ever, but she’s always seen that little bit of darkness behind the happiness and excitement Y/N always displayed. Rae’s heart ached every time she caught glimpse of those little signs Y/N was putting on a performance while actually hurting on the inside. 

And if a meeting with their mother was what would help them finally fully embrace a happy life, then who was she to stop them.

“Ok.“ The girl sighs, “Ok, we’ll go see her, but only if you’re 100% sure you’ll be able to handle it.“

They shake their head again, sighing with unease, “I can never be 100% sure, my emotions have a tendency of being unpredictable so I’ll just have to pray I don’t have a breakdown or a panic attack.”

Rae swipes her thumb over their cheekbone wiping the tear that just escaped their eye, “If you do, don’t worry, I’ll be right there. You know the drill: squeeze my hand, take deep breaths and most importantly, don’t forget I’m there for you. Ok?”

Y/N nods their head, the small smile reappearing on their face. They squeeze Rae’s hand and take a long inhale. “Hand squeeze, deep breaths, noted.” They say when their eyes meet hers, “Thank you so much, Rae. Thank you so much for putting up with me and all my shit and thank you so much for never giving up on me no matter how much work I am or how hard dealing with me and my demons becomes.”

Rae’s heart stings at Y/N’s words, tears brimming her eyes when she raises a bit on her knees to press her lips against Y/N’s forehead. “Don’t thank me, angel. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and I never want to get gratitude for it. Love doesn’t ask for gratitude, and neither do I.”

Y/N lets out a small laugh to cover up an emotional sob that escapes their lungs. “I love you, Rae.” They say with a trembling voice.

“I love you too, Y/N.“

This time, the Y/N’s lips met the lips of their girlfriend, reminding themself that their safe haven isn’t a place, it’s a person - their girlfriend who means the world to them.