#but help what secret reasons could there be to follow me aside from my tls and cringe? cringeposts and tls are the life of this blog yk—

[deus-ex-mona]

✨baller✨ results tbh~

[doctorbunny]

MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.

[niseamstories]

Tl;dr: The heavily revised physical edition Dreams of the Dying, my novel set in the Enderal universe, is now available for pre-order via Amazon via my website. Special early bird prices are $32.99 for the hardcover with an illustrated appendix, $12.99 for the paperback, and $2.99 for the eBook. It’s a prequel featuring Jespar, but, for reasons outlined below, opens up a new canon. Amazon.de has yet to pick up the listing for the physical editions, but they are incredibly slow—I’m working to get that done.

Hey guys,

This is Nicolas, the writer of Enderal speaking. As some of you may know, I’ve been working on an Enderal novel, Dreams of the Dying. First released as a web version, I spent the past year completely rewriting and improving the book, adding and removing chapters, revising characters arcs, and improving plotting, worldbuilding, and style. In total, I rewrote the web edition three times from cover to cover. Well, it’s finally time: Dreams of the Dying is now available for pre-order on Amazon!

The English version of Dreams of the Dying will release on October 20. A German (and perhaps Russian) translation will follow as soon as possible.

Please note that this is a rendering and that the actual hardcover looks slightly different, with same format but a matte dust jacket and a matte, laminated case. A big shoutout to Dominik Derow for the cover artwork, Johanna Krünes for her cover design, and Joyce, for her tips, patience, and help with this product shot.

Jaaros Oonai, magnate, visionary, and master of coin, doesn’t muse about whether the glass is half empty or half full—only about ways to fill it.

Jespar Dal’Varek, drifter, mercenary, and master of avoidance, doesn’t muse at all. He’d rather just drink the damn wine.

Two lives that could not be more different intertwine when a strange contract leads Jespar to the tropical island empire of Kilay, the wealthiest nation of the Civilized World.

The mission turns out to be as bizarre as it is lucrative: Jaaros Oonai, the country’s merchant king, knows something that could stop a catastrophe, but he has fallen into an inexplicable coma. Together with an ex-priestess and a psychic, Jespar must enter Oonai’s dreams and find this secret.

What should have been a fresh start rapidly turns into a nightmare, as Jespar slides into a spiral of disturbing dreams, political intrigue, and clashing ideals, where not only the fate of Kilay but his own sanity are at stake. It’s not long before he learns that only a spider’s thread divides the sleeping and the awoken.

And that there’s no greater enemy than one’s own mind.

The hardcover edition comes with an appendix that includes additional lore, such as an illustrated bestiary, a guide to Kilayan fashion, illustrations of the (re-envisioned) seven Light-Born, a short guide to the Makehu language, and much more.

Even though Dreams could be considered a prequel, I didn’t write this as an expansion or fan service but rather as my debut, and a book that stands on its own. This edition differs vastly from the web version, and, though it is up to you to judge, I’m a million times happier with it.

If you’re on the fence and would like to wait for reviews—here’s hoping I get enough—I fully understand. However, if you would buy the novel, you’d do me a great favor if you considered pre-ordering. One of the biggest challenges as an indie author is exposure; since Amazon registers all pre-orders as Day 1 sales, a lot of Day 1 sales would give me a chance to climb in the novel’s category and boost visibility for readers outside the Enderal community. To make this worth it to you, the book will sell for a special early bird price of $32.99 for the hardcover with the illustrated appendix, $12.99 for the paperback, and $2.99 for the eBook, as opposed to $37, $16, and $5. Just follow the link to my website and click pre-order—it will take you right to your local Amazon marketplace.

Unfortunately, Amazon.de has yet to pick up the listing for the physical editions, but they are incredibly slow—I’m working to get that done.

I’m aware the hardcover is in the upper price range, but it uses the best materials, and the illustrated appendix cost a lot to produce. It’s also the only edition where I make a more solid revenue, so see it as a way to support my work, if you wish.

If you’re a patron and pledged $110 or more since October 2018, I’ll be in touch a few weeks before launch to send out your signed hardcover copy right away. Thanks again for your support, Dreams became a far pricier project than I anticipated, and your patronage helped me immensely in covering the cost.

Lastly, a word of warning before you pre-order: For the paperback edition, I took the drastic step to separate Dreams and all future Enderal novels from the game canon. There are two good reasons for this. First, the Vyn games were created over 17 years, the earliest one being Myar Aranath in 2003. Fascinating as this idea may be, it also means that the lore of the Vyn universe was created by a myriad of different authors (the latest and current one being me when I joined the team in 2011). As a result of this, the lore of Vyn has always felt a little disjointed and inconsistent; I initially took these differences as challenges to conquer, but the longer I wrote, the more I realized how much these inconsistencies bothered me and how hard they made it to write the story and the universe I envisioned. Let me assure you that this decision wasn’t easy and does not reflect a lack of appreciation for the work of the previous workers. I stayed faithful to the lore whenever possible.

The second reason is a trickier one: Jespar. This character has been in my mind for nine years now, and I love him with all my heart. Still, the more I immersed myself in the story of Dreams, the more I grew aware of how incredibly constraining it was to write a story where the end is already written; because Jespar is alive in 8234 a. St. (1234 P.L. in new canon lore), you all know he will never be in real danger. Again, there is undoubtedly an intriguing challenge to writing such a “safe” story, but—similar to the lore, I increasingly felt like I was writing with fetters on. 

So, what does this mean? Aside from the fact that anything can now happen, the consequences aren’t that drastic. Enderal is still Enderal, and Jespar is still Jespar, albeit thirteen years younger and at another point in his life. I changed and expanded details about his backstory, but his essential conflicts are still the same, only refined. Major changes include modifications to the Light-Born (their aspects, how they came to be, when and how they disappeared, and the societal consequences of that disappearance), the time frame of the different eras, and a complete rework of the magic system. Minor changes include dates, the spelling of names and locations (Kilay, not Kilé), and others details I tweaked for consistency and worldbuilding coherence.

And that’s about it. I’m aware and grateful for the love many of you have for this world, and believe me, I did my best to honor it; I just realized I cannot tell a good story with one arm tied behind my back. If it’s any solace, I can promise you that new book canon is ironclad – I’m pathologically obsessive about consistency and cohesive worldbuilding, but without a solid framework, that’s a recipe for frustration and disaster. See it as a different but nearby eventuality: details and fates may differ, but the soul of the world remains the same.

If all that didn’t scare you off, pre-order away! I also set up a Goodreads page for the book, so you can add it to your To-Be-Reads or even recommend it to your friends – this is an indie project by all means, so I’m grateful for every bit of support. Please keep in mind that the Goodreads is for the revised edition, not the web edition, so if you’re planning to leave a low rating, I’d be grateful if you waited to read the actual book in October 20. It’s a different experience.

Last but not least, a big thank you to everyone who supported me on Patreon, created fanart for Enderal, or just let me know they enjoyed this game and were looking forward to the novel. This novel was meant to be a 6-month stint but, boy, did it turn into something more. It sounds sentimental, but this last year has been rough personally, and your support and encouragement kept me going.

I hope this story will live up to your expectations.

Best,

Nicolas

Dreams of the Dying (Revised Edition) on Goodreads

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[dontasktheradiodemon]

Private Chat Log - 11/30

Follow-up to the argument that Alastor and Valera started a few days ago at movie night. TL;DR: they don't hate each other, but Alastor's not as keen on going out of his way to make friends with Valera as he was before.

Valera

Ah, how incredibly comforting to be back in the familiar territory of not quite knowing where one stands with the local radio demon. And by comforting, one of course means, not remotely comforting in the slightest. But that's hopefully going to change today, if things go well. Stepping into the agreed on location, Valera plasters a smile on their face and offers a friendly fin waggle.

"Alastor."

Alastor

Alastor stands the moment Valera enters—same room as last time, seemed easiest that way. What’s one room compared to another in an empty hotel, anyway? “Valera.”

Valera

They step closer. Not close enough to be within the zone of offering the dreaded handshake, but better than shouting across the room at each other. "So, shall we stand here in front of all these chairs and exchange pleasantries, or get right to it then? I believe I was meant to pelt you with questions, as I put it."

Alastor

Alastor holds up a hand. “Before you start,” he says somberly—as somberly as he can, at any rate, with that smile—“I have something I need to tell you.”

Valera

"Oh? Alright then, I'm listening." Their interest is piqued. What could Alastor have to say that was so important?

Alastor

Alastor straightens himself, adjusts his monocle, clears his throat, and begins with the tone of a consummate professional reading the news on air:

“The leading political story out of England in the year 1910 was the death of King Edward VII and his succession by his son King George V on May 6th—although perhaps of greater historical importance was the introduction of the House of Commons’ bill to remove the House of Lords’ legislative veto, which the next year would culminate in the Commons gaining supremacy over the Lords. There were several strikes of note, the largest being a coal miners’ strike beginning in November—it resulted in several days of rioting and lasted ten months, and the strike only ended when the government enacted a minimum wage. Among the suffragist movement—the part you’ve been waiting for, I know!—after seven years of increasingly violent protests and demonstrations, the Women’s Social and Political Union saw hope in the introduction of an act that would allow a million women to vote—only for it to get stuck in political limbo due to budget issues resulting from that tiff between the Commons and Lords. When the WSPU attempted to march on Parliament in protest on what would come to be known as Black Friday, the courageous ladies were met with violence, from both civilians and police, that frankly is unfit to repeat on air. Some three hundred suffragettes were arrested and two died. In the future, the WSPU would shift back to airing their grievances in a more hit-and-run manner, such as via bricks through windows. And finally, in a subject near and dear to my own heart, the very first arrest was made on the basis of orders sent via wireless telegraphy, another step on the road toward the full maturation of radio.”

He waits with his hands clasped behind his back, smirking.

Valera

It takes a moment for them to even remember why he was suddenly rattling off 1910 news, and another few to process the information because, damn it all, they *were* still curious despite themselves.

Several seconds of silence follow Alastor's monologue, Valera quietly staring at him as their face remains carefully neutral. Followed by a slow, deep inhale, and exhale. Another few moments of quiet pondering.

Then their lip twitches, and all Hell breaks loose as they start CACKLING hard enough to nearly fall over, hands clutching their stomach as they bend over double. Oh, no, there they go actually. 300 some pounds of fish struggling to land on a couch before their limbs give out. Congratulations, Alastor, you've downed the Autocrat of Okkylk.

Alastor

Right now he’s the envy of who-knows-how-many ambitious alien politicians.

He’d been worried how that one was going to end. That, he knew, could have very well ended the discussion before it had a chance to start. But he thought the bit was so funny it was worth taking the risk. A performer to the end.

He’s lucky Valera agreed. He half bows—thank you, thank you—then takes a seat across from Valera to wait for them to recover.

Valera

A few weak coughs, a rattling breath, and Valera sits up to scrub at their face. Alright, alright. They're good. It's fine. Or maybe not, the second they lay eyes on him they start giggling all over again.

"Alastor you *smug little know it all*. That was beautifully done."

Alastor

Another half bow from his seat. “Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.”

Valera

"I'm sure you will be, considering you live here." They pause. "DO you live here? I've actually got no idea if you stole one of the hotel rooms the way Penny did or if you commute over here from some secret house of yours."

Alastor

“Oh, goodness, no! Wouldn’t that be sad, to live in a *hotel* of all places.” He quickly makes a placating gesture. “Exceptions made for temporary residences while repairing a damaged home, of course. No, I only work here, just like Husk and Niffty.”

Valera

"Is that sad? I wouldn't know. I've only ever lived in either a nursery in a military compound on the moon, or an assortment of palaces that I inherited from dead people." If they had any tea, they'd be politely sipping it. Unfortunately, they have to settle for shrugging their shoulders like some savage. "I figured Niffty had a nest of towels in a cupboard somewhere that she crawled into at night. Maybe with a Live Laugh Love sign tacked to the backboard."

Alastor

“It is for humans.” He pauses. “Americans, at any rate. I wouldn’t be surprised if she does, truth be told, but I’ve hardly had a reason to check!”

Valera

"Huh! You'd think it'd be a luxury. Shows what I know." But who has time to worry about how sad it may or may not be to live in a hotel? That's not what they were there for. "Regardless! Thank you for the history lesson. I do appreciate it, genuinely. I'd completely forgotten the initial question."

Alastor

“Of course! Always happy to educate.” He sobers up a bit. “But I’m sure that’s not one of the questions you wanted to ask me.”

Valera

"No, but before I get into the questions, there *are* a few things I want to say." They sigh, tucking themselves against the arm of the couch and pulling their legs up. A coil of their tail, and Alastor is sitting across from a neat little bundle of fish.

"Pentious keeps me up to date on your conversations. Not *specifics*, of course, but anything significant tends to come up. And with that in mind, I want to thank you. You've been a good friend to him. I know you don't need my thanks of all things, but I've seen the way your influence has helped him, and I'm grateful regardless."

Alastor

Oh, damn, now he’s self conscious. Awkward smile. Which things are they alluding to? And is the praise about to be followed up by a *However...*? “Of course. After all, it’s what he deserves! That, and... so much more besides.”

Valera

They hold up a hand. "You're right! And before your mind goes racing anywhere, there's no hidden agenda here, I'm not about to follow up with scolding or demand that anything change. I'm just grateful that my spouse has a friend in you. Your conversation last night, for example. It got him to open up more. Which, frankly speaking, is incredible. Three months ago he'd have never."

Alastor

Three months ago, Alastor would never have either. "Ah, well, you know, I do have a way with people." Deflect that praise. What else is he supposed to do with it, say "thank you" again? (He didn't say "thank you" the first time either, but he sort of feels like he implied it.)

Valera

"That you do." Now now Alastor, what did we learn about assuming and implications? But no matter, Valera seems content to leave that conversation where it is. "Now, as far as questions go, I don't have as many as you may think. Most were answered a few minutes into our conversation, luckily for both of us. Before I completely dominate the conversation, did you have anything to say or ask aside from a summary of 1910 English politics?"

Alastor

"Not at the moment." Maybe later, depending on how this went; but that was conclusion stuff, not introduction stuff.

Valera

"Good! In that case, I'll be as direct as possible. Some of these questions will be obvious, try not to be insulted. I'm taking not assuming things literally until I've got confidence in my baseline." Valera shifts, still wrapped in their own tail but leaning in towards Alastor. "Assuming this conversation goes well, would you like to try being friends again, or would you prefer to avoid each other in a civilized fashion?"

Alastor

Alastor makes a thoughtful clicking sound. Well, there's the bulk of what he'd planned to address himself. "At this point? Neither, per se. I don't see any reason to avoid you—but I can't say that I'm currently thrilled by the thought of *trying* to be friends. The whole putting in effort part." A wan smile. "I haven't gotten very good returns on my investments, you see."

Valera

They raise an eyebrow. "That's fair. I wouldn't expect you to go pay to get thrown down the stairs again. What would you have us do then?"

Alastor

"Oh... The same as we've been doing, I suppose. If we're going to end up friends, we'll get there eventually."

Valera

Hum.. "That seems like the most reasonable approach. Alright, next up. Do you plan on ever telling Pentious about your feelings, or is this going to be one of those 'to your grave' scenarios?"

Alastor

Alastor suppresses a grimace. Is that *relevant* to this conversation?

But fine. It's not like he's never thought about it. "If there's ever a point where it will do more good than harm, I'll tell him then. I don't know how it works on your world, but here among us humans, friendships don't tend to last when unequal emotions get exposed. I *want* him to know—but then we'll both be short one friend. And he doesn't have room to lose any."

He shrugs, his gaze on some piece of boring generic hotel wall art. "Fifty-fifty odds it won't be relevant for long anyway—so why ruin what little time we've got left? If everything goes right, I'll be gone and the person that will replace me will be just as happy to be his friend without the uneven attachment. He'll *find out* then," Alastor laughs wryly, "but it won't be aimed at *him* anymore."

Valera

They bite their tongue before they can start pointing out their ongoing friendship with at least three people with feelings for them, it always sounds too self congratulatory when it gets brought up. Instead, how about they just nod along and let Alastor explain his side of things? That's *much* more helpful.

"You've got a point. Though I suppose part of me is still worried that the replacement you that comes to be wont be as good a friend to him as the you he knows now. Perhaps that's irrational. This isn't me trying to get out of it, mind you, this is me asking for reassurance. Do you truly believe this alternate path of yourself will be as good a fit for my beau?"

Alastor

And that's a question he's been trying *not* to think about. He's quiet longer this time as he considers it.

"Your fiancé will be my second priority. And I won't be able to directly empathize with his lowest lows. But, I won't have had half a century to get used to *seeing* him so low—so the biggest risk is that as soon as I find out the story, I'll go eviscerate my duplicate." He huffs. "And I'll be a less wretched person myself. That should help." He hopes.

"I'll be leaving a message for myself to receive after everything's changed. If I can't trust advice from my own self, then who can I trust advice from? But—I can't give a 100% guarantee. The person I was fifty-four years ago would be his friend, but I can only make educated guesses about what I'll be like after fifty-four years to grow in a completely different direction."

Valera

It wasn't the reassuring, resounding yes they were hoping for, but life is rarely so comfortably absolute. Valera frowns, a hand wrapping around one of their barbels to gently worry at the scales. Sorry Alastor, Valera's out here ready to ask questions they really shouldn't.

"... Alright. I suppose that will have to do. It isn't ideal, but it's the best either of us could do in that set of circumstances. Though the idea of you hearing yourself out and then immediately ready to go engage in some fisticuffs with yourself is funny. You're one of the people I see *avoiding* getting involved in fights when possible."

Alastor

"To be frank, the only thing that kept me from trying to exterminate him when I heard the story is the fact that I did the same thing."

He would have liked to offer a resounding yes. Under the circumstances, Alastor thought honesty would be the more courteous option. "Just don't be careless with your half in hopes of sparing your fiancé the disappointment. Remember who's the one who suffers if this fails—and I don't mean me."

Valera

"Well, I suppose I can't blame you. If anyone betrayed Penny now that I'm involved, I'm pretty sure I'd try to smite the bastard two steps in."

They shake their head, waving their hand reassuringly. "I've got no intentions of throwing our deal, Alastor. It's a fifty fifty shot, but I'm going to do my best to help you fix things. Hopefully it all works out, everyone walks away happy, and we all talk very nicely about how great our respective snakes are while they preen in the background."

Alastor

The possibility sounds unreal. "Hopefully." Trying to think about it too hard fills him with a vague sense of dread—the better it sounds, the less he feels like they have the slightest chance of achieving it.

So don't think about it too hard. "You had other questions?"

Valera

"Ah, yes. Lets not linger too much on that. Lest the universe listen in and brace itself." They shift, stretching a single leg out until it shakes before curling back into their little ball. Yes, very good.

"Alright. Let me see... Those teacups. Did you make those? Buy them? They're very nice."

Alastor

"Oh! The ones with the fingers and eyeballs?" This is a weird-ass interrogation. "No, I stole them! Aren't they lovely? Very lifelike!"

Valera

"Oho! Magnificent. Have you animated any of them to skitter around yet? It seems like it'd be great for a laugh."

... Wait, they were supposed to be asking *serious* questions, weren't they? Ahem. "... I don't think I have any more burning questions relevant to our current discussion. Or if I do, they've escaped me. I think I understand things more clearly now than I did before."

Alastor

"Not yet! Don't tell anyone else this, but truth be told, I enjoy everyone's fear from knowing I *could* but not if I *have.* As soon as they see the teacups moving, they know they can. But *until* then... there's always that uncertainty. A delicious, lingering dread." Welcome to Alastor's twisted mind.

"Then I suppose we're just about done here?"

Valera

Alastor's twisted mind happens to be, unfortunately, hilarious. But no time to sit here and praise his penchant for mischief. "I believe we are, yes. Quick and.. Mostly painless. Though I'm sure some of those questions were fairly unpleasant."

Alastor

"If 'fairly' means 'for all of ten seconds.' You're too concerned about other people's minor, fleeting discomforts."

Valera

They give him a quizzical look. "Of course it wouldn't be a lasting feeling, I'm not holding you at gunpoint. I'm not sure why my comment seems to bother you."

Alastor

"I'm simply worried about your preoccupation with how uncomfortable you're sure I must be! You do seem inclined toward micromanaging my mood when we talk like this." A shrug. "I did mention last time, didn't I, how eagerly you pour the compassion out. Perhaps that's related?"

Valera

"Perhaps so." Valera uncurls her coils, feet hitting the floor as she gets ready to stand.

"I'm not interested in keeping a steadying hand on your mood, Alastor. I was acknowledging that my questions delved into personal territory, nothing more. You answered them, so _clearly_ it wasn't _that_ bad."

Alastor

"Then that makes the both of us!" He stands to get the door, all gentleman-like. "Shall we?"

Valera

"Of course." Oh, how very polite of him. They'd planned on just vanishing like usual, but they'll indulge him this time.

Two steps into the hall seems far enough to be polite. A quick glance around, and the fish is gone in the blink of an eye.

Alastor

Hm. He needn't have bothered.

He shuts the door and heads off. Back to work, he supposes.

[peepingtoad]

@kyugens​ said: Does Jiraiya resent Hiruzen in any way, for the way he handled things regarding Orochimaru, Minato and even Naruto? And even so, is Jiraiya aware of the Third's tendencies to oversee Danzo's vile plans, and how that's affected negatively the village? Does Jiraiya wish he could've done something differently about that? | headcanon asks | always accepting! |

I believe there are a number of things that Jiraiya resents Hiruzen for, the above included—but I think it’s still important, before I go into it, to say that Jiraiya still holds a lot of love and respect for the man, and would never place all the blame on his shoulders for the world’s ills. Especially as he grows older and realises that his own choices during difficult times had consequences, he does have faith that Hiruzen really did have the best interests of the Village at heart... mostly, and even if that in itself was often at odds with his own beliefs of treating people with humanity regardless of where they come from. Even so, he is left in the end with very complex feelings around Hiruzen for a number of reasons.

It’s probably safe to assume that while the Sannin were growing up, they probably thought Hiruzen was the bees knees. I mean, they were being taught personally by the Hokage himself—how cool is that? I believe that Jiraiya considered him very trustworthy, what with Hiruzen being his only male role model, to the point where I headcanon he was the only one Jiraiya told about Gamamaru’s prophecy after he first heard it. This is how I believe a young Jiraiya was allowed to travel the world for a little while even before taking on a genin team of his own (as per filler, which I have happily cherrypicked).

But as far the other scant material we’re given goes, I’d say that the big turning point for them all comes with how the Second War was conducted. Namely, Hiruzen’s refusal to hear Tsunade out regarding the need for more focus on the medical field, which without a doubt shocked Jiraiya (I think I recall seeing him in the background of that scene). He would have expected, being both on the frontlines and close to Hiruzen, that their opinions on the state of affairs would be taken very seriously, so seeing one of their trio being brushed aside definitely stung—and would sting the more their comrades dropped like flies all around them, as realisation sunk in that they were reduced to cannon fodder, with medical support limited to Tsunade and perhaps a few others who had informally discovered a flair for it at the time.

Next comes the relatively light consequences he faced for remaining in Ame for three years to train the orphans, which again Jiraiya (perhaps naively) saw at first as Hiruzen respecting his dreams of realising the prophecy. Given the implication that this is where the Sannin really begin to fall apart, my headcanon is that the years following his return saw him being utilised more for espionage than before, leading him to find his niche as an adept spy... with the downside of not being home enough to reconnect with his friends (whether Tsunade has already gone by that point is variable for me in RP terms, but I like to think she was allowed to stop fighting and establish proper training for medical-nin when it became clear there would be a Third War). 

Of course, there then comes the point where Hiruzen offers Jiraiya the Hokage seat for the first time, which frankly floors him given he’d never expressed an interest before. Worse than that, however, is the fact it drives a more decisive wedge between himself and Orochimaru. This would become a source of resentment as it seemed almost like a deliberate move to pit them against each other or even a cowardly means on Hiruzen’s part to divert Orochimaru’s bitterness away from himself—either that, or the old man was acting on the misguided belief that things were well enough between them that Orochimaru would simply fall into line with Jiraiya becoming the leader. Not to mention, Jiraiya couldn’t help suspecting that there were those who would see him shackled to the village rather than going out into the world and seeking change his own way, rather than the village’s. And after learning what became of Sakumo under Hiruzen’s watch, who could blame him for becoming suspicious of every move?

But I think it’s important to recognise that ROOT, even at this point, was still highly secretive to the point where Jiraiya clearly didn’t have any idea as to its involvement with the death of Yahiko—which, of course, had been reported to Jiraiya as all three of the orphans’ deaths (which I believe was directly and deliberately Danzō’s doing, but for the sake of brevity I’ll maybe go into that another time... tbh I can’t even remember if I’ve written this in a headcanon to date). It wouldn’t be until shortly before the Uchiha Clan Massacre that Jiraiya would gain even an inkling as to how truly bad ROOT was, his only knowledge prior to then being that Orochimaru was able to get away with unethical experiments for so long thanks to being part of ROOT. However by the time the Uchiha Massacre was impending and he confronted his fleeing ex-students, he gained some small insight into the powers behind Hiruzen that he realised could never be ousted while Hiruzen was still in the Hokage seat (which naturally led him to the force of nature that is Tsunade upon Hiruzen’s death, knowing that he would forever be needed far afield).

Of course, by this point Minato, who was the one person Jiraiya truly believed could have changed things, had already perished. While Jiraiya doesn’t place blame on Hiruzen for the fact he and Kushina died (because truly at the time, he was too busy wondering ‘could I have stopped it’), he was aware that Minato himself had entrusted Hiruzen specifically with Naruto’s upbringing. His late student equipped him with the details of Naruto’s seal and the warning of the masked man on purpose, so that he could go on to discover the culprit and put a stop to them where a Hokage couldn’t—and awful as it was, taking on the duty of working in the background was an easy enough thing for a grieving Jiraiya to accept at this point, knowing he’d not be in any position to raise a child (read: knows but won’t admit he is depressed, see the linked headcanon which sort of answers a lot of this question in general now that I look back on it).

By the time we come to the big man’s official First Appearance, with the hindsight of the entire story (and my embellishments) at my disposal, I think the bad blood is pretty clear by the fact he directly tells Ebisu not to let Hiruzen know of his return at all. We don’t see him speak to Hiruzen even once between returning to Konoha after twelve years and the old man’s death, which I think says a lot, and revisiting these themes now I can see a lot of that being to do with what he allowed to fly in terms of ROOT and Danzō, but also what he learns of how Naruto was raised... for which there is really no excuse, because even if Jiraiya also wasn’t around, Naruto could have at least been afforded knowledge of what he was, as per his parents’ wishes (and again, I think Jiraiya was encouraged to go off and do his thing because that secret would not remain safe with him while Naruto was small). Then there’s also the matter of him not going to Hiruzen’s funeral, instead going to the place where he had fond childhood memories to mourn in private—because they really were the only fond ones he had from before Hiruzen became so apathetic.

... So in essence, yeah. Jiraiya’s full of resentment, as much as I think the child in him does still love Hiruzen. In fact, I believe Hiruzen was the prime example of why Jiraiya never wanted to set foot into that office as Konoha’s ruler. However I do think that he recognises where he could have focused his own energies more on the village—for example, had he returned upon learning that there was foul play involved with the Uchiha Clan Massacre, he might even have found out that not all of the Ame kids died, or something else that could have prevented him going into Ame blind to die. But of course, that is a choice he recognises as his own. It was between focusing on cleaning up Konoha and getting embroiled in that whole mess with nobody who would realistically back him up (after helping two fugitives—one being Hiruzen’s own son—to escape no less, as per my headcanon), or allowing those who orchestrated the Kyūbi attack to go unchecked.

TL;DR it’s complicated. He resents Hiruzen, he wishes he could have changed things, but knows what else he would have risked going unchecked to do so.

[veinsandknuckles]

Haymitch/You - the grosser points of seduction - pt one

You’ve been unfortunate enough to be singled out by some Capitol VIP as the next in a line of amusing conquests and see in this your chance to promote yourself from Victor’s assistant to rebel spy - the only question being how to ensure you’ll keep his interest.

Haymitch has been a mentor for a very long time and, as he puts it himself, has a lot of experience with people trying to screw him out of what little he has. Naturally, this makes him the perfect person to show you the way to a man’s heart, and if that means lessons in slow dancing and having to exchange meaningful, lingering glances, well… that’s just a few more knocks you’ll have to take for the team.

TL;DR: Haymitch agrees to teach a guileless reader how to flirt. Slow and cheesy burn with neither party daring to realise the interest is mutual, set vaguely during the tour in Catching Fire.

“Haymitch.”

“What?” He grinned and slid even further down on the coach, like he was melting into it.

You pulled at the skirt of your dress.

You’d think these clever bastards could invent some clothes that at least stayed in place of their own accord, but they seemed to be masochistically driven to inject the most pointless kinds of discomfort into their lives. Look at me! I’m much too elegant ever to twist an ankle and that’s why I walk on stilts. Look at my waistline. Breathing is so plebeian, wouldn’t you say?

But Haymitch looked comfortable no matter what, he flaunted that he could get away with stubble and cotton shirts and laughed whenever he caught you correcting your make up or searching for your clutch. He had no solidarity. Sure, this was better than your duties back home, but humanity has an endless capacity for finding faults.

“You look great, princess. I’m sure your young gentleman will be smitten.”

“Oh, so it doesn’t look like a circus tent?”

“It does, but he’s a clown, so he’ll want to get in there.” Haymitch eyed you through his fringe and lifted his dainty cup of espresso to his lips. “Me? I’m not as cultured as these people. I like to see a bit of skin peeking out, helps to get the, uh... imagination going.”

“Well, then I’m glad. I’ve seen what you’re like when someone’s caught your attention.”

“I’m a pig, I know.” With a deep sigh, he put his empty cup aside, pulled himself up out of his seat and lumbered over. His hands, steady now as the day crept towards its close, came to rest warm and heavy on your shoulders and through all those layers of fabric, he probably couldn’t spot how your breath caught in your throat. “So’s he, even if he’s not as honest about it as I am. Make him work for it. Don’t let him get physical, not yet. Remind him you’re not for sale.”

“I am for sale.”

Haymitch smiled and there was no mirth in it. “Well. He’ll want to think it’s not like that.”

“Right. I’ll remember.”

You swallowed and kept staring straight at him, wild eyed and suddenly cold and clammy. “I’m not right for this job, Haymitch. I want to go back to scrubbing floors.”

One hand lifted and he moved as if to lift up your chin. For all his misanthropy, he got familiar with people rather quickly. Then he thought better of it, squeezed your other shoulder and let his arms fall to his sides. “He chose you. Just make the best of it.”

“Right.” You breathed deep and did better on the second try. “Right. Eye contact. Tits and teeth. Touch his arm.”

“And remember, everything he says is clever and funny. All men want to believe that.” Haymitch put an unnatural force into his words as he walked back to the couch, signalling that your time was up. “Go get him, princess - if nothing else, you’ll get some good grub out of it.”

This was, supposedly, the first date.

It didn’t work like that back home, people didn’t go out to dinner together (for one, there usually wasn’t any to be had), they didn’t make long, intricate rituals out of courtship because you needed to grab what good you could in life or risk losing your chance. Not that they rutted in the streets, like people around here seemed to believe - it was just that people got to know each other naturally and weren’t so inclined to mince words or lie about their intentions. The word date felt appropriate here because it had no romantic meaning for you to spoil.

A young man in the Capitol, spoiled for choice by his own good looks and by being the second oldest son in an impressive family, had spotted you at one of the endless banquets you escorted the team to. That he’d asked you to accompany him to a show, instead of trying to drag you along to some broom closet somewhere, you knew was meant partly as a joke. Not that his attraction to you wasn’t genuine, but the idea of dressing up a poor provincial girl (he was too condescending to admit you were a woman) as if she was a real person and actually bringing her out in public where people could see the two of you together, that was just too funny. I can’t believe he did that! Oh, she doesn’t know which glass is for what drink - how droll.

But, crucially, he was the son of a general. The goal was to keep him coming back for more and to convince him that the quickest way to a girl’s heart was leaking military secrets or whatever else he might have to offer. Like Haymitch said, you wouldn’t be the first person to kneel for the greater good... the way he emptied his flask after that comment and stared into empty space made it even less funny.

Peeta was the only one still in the common areas when you came back, and he just met your eye, set his jaw tight and went back to building a skewed tower out of the incomprehensible decorative statuettes on the coffee table. You were sure he hadn’t forgiven Haymitch for encouraging this scheme, or you for being so pragmatic about preparing for it. Even though you slipped quietly out of your heels and padded into the apartment looking as relaxed as you could manage, the tower came down in a crash and Peeta stormed off in the opposite direction. You’d think he’d be more comfortable with intrigue and theatre by now but whatever the reason for his grim look, it was his problem, not yours.

You cleared your throat and forced your legs to keep moving. Up until a week ago you’d been a member of the team, valued and liked well enough, but in no way indispensable or universally fascinating. Haymitch had appreciated your cynicism, Effie liked what she viewed as a can-do attitude and your quiet ways around her and the golden couple were as open with you as they were with anyone (ie, not at all when they could help it) and wonderfully uncomfortable with having assistants. The rest of the crew were happy as long as you didn’t get underfoot. Now you had been given the opportunity to contribute beyond running errands, someone important had selected you and suddenly everyone had to reevaluate you.

If ever you’d daydreamed of being at the center of attention, this would never have been the way. The flavours of a thousand rare foods stuffed with other rare foods pressed back up towards your mouth and the heat from that packed concert hall had seemed to stick to your skin all the way home. You needed something real. And before that, a shower and a change of clothes.

Even with your ear pressed to his door you could hear nothing and that made you pause. Was Haymitch passed out on the floor, at this hour? If he was, you’d be doing him a favour by barging in...

But your knock got a response eventually: a quiet, irritable “yeah?” and then a slow shuffle coming nearer. The door slid aside and Haymitch glared down at you, bleary in the light of the hallway and looking even worse for wear than was usual. As compensation for the bags under his eyes, he was only wearing shorts and a worn t-shirt. You didn’t look down. You definitely didn’t look down.

“And here I thought I’d had a bad night.” You forced a smile. He was standing awfully close and the Capitol standards of hygiene must be catching up with him, too - that was a strong cologne.  

“Actually, missy, I was asleep, but thanks for the judgement. You know I can’t get enough of it.”

“You were asleep? It’s only just past midnight.”

Haymitch looked sour but stepped aside and you followed him back into his pigsty of an apartment. The door closed behind you and automatically locked. The air was a little stale, but not bad. He kicked a pile of clothes without bothering to check whether it made it all the way underneath the armchair. “I’m a changed man, living healthy now. Ate a vegetable while you were out.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Fine.” He fell into one of the chairs, put his bare feet up on the table and didn’t object when you sat down opposite him. “It’s the first time I’ve closed my eyes in 30 something hours and all my ‘hard work’’s finally caught up with me. That what you want to hear?”

But your mind was somewhere else and Haymitch’s expression softened, at last. “Need a drink?”

“Yes please.”

“Yeah, I figured.” He feigned getting up but you were faster on your feet and grabbed a bottle from the cabinet at random. Two tumblers - he was too kind to let you drink alone. You sat, poured out one large helping and one small and pushed the small across the glass in his direction. Haymitch lifted it with a sarcastic “oh, thanks” and helped himself to half.

When you’d swallowed down the burn and forced yourself to look back up at him, he was still watching you.

“That bad, huh?”

Well, he had asked. “It was fine. I mean... I think he almost wanted it to be humiliating, me being ignorant and overwhelmed... I can’t tell.”

“Oh, those rich pricks know just how to make us squirm.”

“I surprised him a couple of times. Made things a little uncomfortable.”

He snorted. “Sounds like a smart move.”

“I don’t know, I think it was - he obviously thinks I’m stupid so I figure if I show him I’m not, that might make him interested beyond just...”

Haymitch was still looking at you, you could feel it.

“Well...” he finally said and knocked back the rest of his drink, “I’m sure you know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t.” You leaned in towards him. “Haymitch, I don’t know what I’m doing - if you hadn’t pointed it out to me I wouldn’t even had known he was watching me.”

Something about this seemed to have amused him but he said nothing, so you pressed on. “when I say I can’t do this, I don’t mean I won’t... I just not good at being... seductive. I don’t know how.”

“That, uh... that’s hard to believe, princess. Sorry.”

“Fine.” You poured yourself another glass and refused to speak again.

Haymitch shook his head after a pause and either chuckled or coughed. “A real life blushing violet, huh? That’s cute. Guess it’d explain things...”

He was laughing at you. Not literally, but internally, you just knew it. “No, you ass. I’m just used to people coming out and saying it. I’ve never had to work for it. Or wanted to.”

“Well! It’s lucky for some.”

“You know what I mean.”

“You mean you don’t know how to play the game.” His eyes glittered in the low light.

“Yeah. I mean no. I don’t.”

Haymitch pursed his lips, leaned in closer with his elbows on his knees and tilted his head to one side. “And... what. You’re asking me to teach you?”

That... no. What? You had to muster all your strength to keep breathing. That’s not... you’d only come here to complain, maybe hoping for him to give you another terrible pep talk or, better yet, an out. After a second, you forced yourself to meet his gaze again and he was grinning now, that grin that made absolutely everyone want to slap him.

“...Could you?”

“Could I?” Haymitch pressed his hand to where he thought his heart was. “Sweetheart, you wound me.”

That made you laugh, more from nerves than anything.

“Now,” he went on, “I’m not saying I’m a master of seduction; I mean, you’ve seen my attempts.”

Waitresses and Capitol glitterati alike. Effie. A peacekeeper, once, and her response had left him limping for a week. Generally, things didn’t go his way, at least not where anyone could see it. “But I’ve been seduced plenty, both successfully and, once or twice, unsuccessfully...” Haymitch must have misread your expression because he raised his eyebrows and said “yeah, laugh all you want but I was quite the looker in my day. And being a people person and a man’s man, what I’m saying is, I know what works, and not just on myself, either.”

You swallowed. Seemed a pity to keep doing that with nothing to swallow, so you had yourself another drink. Either it was strong stuff or your head was swimming for some other reason. Of course, you could be in luck. It could be both.

“You’re saying I should experiment on you.”

“I’m saying that I would submit, reluctantly, to you throwing yourself at me, over and over again. And give you pointers, of course.”

Oh, his pointers... he liked to pretend his mentorship style was all intentional, that he was cutting and perpetually underwhelmed to inspire his charges to prove him wrong, get them nice and angry so they’d forget to be scared. Having Haymitch laugh at you when you finally had a chance to be even a little honest...

Your pulse beat hard, you could feel it at your navel, insistent and hot. On the other hand, it’d be an excuse, a wonderful excuse to spend time with him, get close to him, touch him now and then and make it all into a harmless joke. And all the while, he’d teach you just how to get to him so that maybe, if you learned fast...

“Alright.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

It took a moment before Haymitch spoke again and his grin hadn’t faded. Then he shook his head, poured you both another drink and lifted his glass high. “Well then. Here’s to playing the game.”

[flydotnet]

Brighter than the Starry Sky

Summary: Kirino wants to show his boyfriend something while they're in Hokkaido.

Fandom: Inazuma Eleven Go Ship: Established RanTaku

Wordcount: 1.5K words

Notes: The stars are beautiful tonight. This was written for my giftee for this year’s Secret Soccer, @elestialgz-scraps! We sadly don’t share a lot of ships, and the one we do didn’t inspire me, so I hope you’re all right with some awkward RanTaku! Considering Kirino is one of your favs, it’s written in his POV. I hope you’ll like it nonetheless! (Btw, you’ve got some nice character tastes, my friend: Tsunami is :ok_hand:). I also happen to suck very hard at Japanese geography (I was already not the best History-Geography major in prep class and I’m not the best at Brazilian and French geographies to begin with), so I’m in doubt concerning Hokkaido and freezing temperatures. I got all my Hokkaido knowledge from Inazuma Eleven and Detective Conan and this was the result I’m afraid. Anyway y’all, happy holidays, and let’s hope for an Inazuma-filled 2020. (TL;DR: get your shit together Level-5).

Event hosted by @inazumasecretsoccer.

AO3 version available here.

-----------

It came to Ranmaru in a frenzy, almost like a spontaneous fire started by a little spark, while he was doing some homework: what about stargazing?

At first, for a couple seconds, it seemed like a bit of a dumb idea: it was cold outside, especially in Hokkaido, the wintery air would bite them, and Takuto would most likely refuse in fear of catching something. It’d be a wise move, even if it bothered him, yet he couldn’t bring himself to hold a grudge against his own boyfriend.

 Yet, there were more reasons to at least ask him about it; in fact, too many of them for Ranmaru to resist. The winter sky was the best to see stars sparkling in the dark, especially in the clearer north, where the lights of Tokyo couldn’t obscure the view, where there were far less luminous pollution, in a place where they (hopefully) wouldn’t be disturbed in the middle of a moment of intimacy. Usually, the group liked to interrupt, so spending some time alone together, far from the rest of the world and society, seemed more than welcome…

After all, what could possibly go wrong? Well, a ton of things, and Takuto would be the first to point every one of these out with surgical precision, but he guessed he’d ignore them until they came up, for once. It wasn’t his kind to be reckless, unlike some of his friends; yet the appeal of the idea he had just had was too strong for him to deny. He supposed playing it risky couldn’t hurt, from time to time…

 To his surprise, Takuto only hesitated for a little bit, most likely the time it took him to calculate the balance between risk and reward. They agreed on an evening, after his piano recital (to nobody’s surprise, he had managed to have his instrument carried all the way north), behind the backs of literally everyone else but the coach. Surely they could benefit from some alone time, couldn’t they? They deserved it, after going through so many events.

This spontaneous idea became real right before his eyes only on the following evening. Yes, it went this fast: one moment he was hesitating even bringing the idea up, the next they were in the snow and the starry darkness of the night, hand in hand, covered in hot clothes and cheeks reddened by the cold and the sudden intimacy of the situation. With a little luck, nobody would disturb them…

 If Ranmaru didn’t know much of Hokkaido, he still spotted a comfortable spot fairly quickly. It was a landscape-viewing site, high in the air, the wind blowing under it and through Takuto’s red silky scarf (and Ranmaru wished he even had half the money to buy him such a good item of clothing, but alas, he was a bit too poor for that, which his boyfriend didn’t hold against him in the slightest). Invaded by a sudden blow of enthusiasm, he brought the both of them with his legs running.

When they arrived, considering the ground was covered in snow, he hesitated to make the both of them sit. Considering Takuto didn’t seem too keen on doing so either, he felt content staying up, fingers enlaced. Needless to say, he hadn’t seen everything through and was just realizing it. Oh well, sometimes, you had to leave yourself to the arms of fortune, didn’t you?

 So here they were, alone together, facing the sparkling starry sky. Despite the coldness of the winter winds and their breath transforming into mist as soon as it met the air, they both felt warm. At least, Ranmaru sure didn’t feel like he was in the middle of a polar-like region, which seemed weird considering it was the opposite way earlier this day, but he wasn’t going to openly complain about it. Sometimes, life was good; right now, life was at its best.

Neither of them talked, profiting from the calm and serene silence. Gazing at the sky, then each other, then the sky, was absolutely enough for now. Well, that was what he thought until Takuto was the first to open back the conversation, much to his surprise:

“This is Orion.”

Takuto’s hand showed the way to stars forming, indeed, the double-triangle shape of Orion. Ranmaru, being fairly bad at spotting constellations himself, was already in awe by just being with his special someone in a charming place with no one around to disturb them: this was only making things better from then on. Of course his boyfriend would be knowledgeable there too! Was there a single thing Takuto couldn’t do?

Well, frankly, Ranmaru didn’t know, but also didn’t want to. He was fine thinking his boyfriend could do literally anything as long as he wanted to. It made him stronger. The spark shining in his eyes, lit by the pale light of the full moon smiling upon them, only made it even more beautiful than it was before. At some point, he may have forgotten to look at the stars.

They continued stargazing for a time, Takuto pointing different constellations and explaining the myths behind their names. Sometimes, while they couldn’t per say see some of them, Ranmaru would still get the story of Andromeda, Chiron the centaur, the vase pouring its stars into the sky. It was less the stories themselves that interested him, as he was more focused on the fun Takuto had telling these to him, sometimes humming music that reminded him of the different myths he’d mention.

 The conversation eventually slowed down and came to a halt, right before starting back up.

“I’ve really enjoyed our time so far. Thank you for bringing us here.”

If Ranmaru felt his face burning again, he preferred to hide it behind a laugh.

“Thank you for accepting it in the first place, then. Wouldn’t be the same without you.”

If they didn’t usually dare getting more physical, they went for the kiss this time. It wasn’t exceptional, considering it was the very first, sure; but it’d have been a lie to say it didn’t make him want to live that experience again. They’d have to give it a second shot once their lips wouldn’t be this affected by the cold.

 Unfortunately, the wind wasn’t letting go of their evening, eventually forcing them to abandon the sight-seeing spot and find shelter inside. The inn the team was staying at being quite a long walk from where they had gone, until the wind let out, they had to find a nearer place. It didn’t quite help that, shortly after they finally decided themselves to leave and find a warmer place to stay in, the snow had started falling. Talk about a misfortune! Good things always had an end, he supposed…

As not to get lost, they held onto each other’s hand as they traversed through the early stage of an incoming snowstorm, clinging to the other for some human warmth. Of course something would go wrong, what did he expect? Something always has to go wrong! Ah, well, at least, they’re together, and that does fill him with determination. They’ll find a way out and then drink a nice cup of tea or chocolate, once they’ll have escaped from potential frostbite. Hokkaido truly is a polar region.

 It should have been easy to spot the light of a warm building in the night, but the snow made it much harder than it had any right to be. Most of what they were both seeing was the white of the capricious weather, the darkened browns of the trees, sometimes the stars and the moon breaking through the incoming blizzard. They had gone through much worse than this, Ranmaru recognized that fact every single day with little to no doubt, so it was just a question of time.

They didn’t talk much, only reminding the other not to let go or asking him if he was fine enough to continue without taking a break. Blame it on the oxygen trying to bite them from the inside if they breathed in too much of it and the supplementary effort of walking up to a place they didn’t know the location of.

 To their relief, they eventually found a place with bright yellow windows shining in the dark of the night, warm and welcoming, albeit familiar-looking. To be fair, Ranmaru didn’t care at this point: he just wanted them not to freeze outside. As long as they could stay here until the storm let out, they’d end up perfectly fine. In the short term, that was all that mattered, so they started running towards the lights, still silent aside from their panting.

Once they arrived in front of it, Ranmaru immediately rang the bell next to the door. No time to waste outside, even if he felt his boyfriend get closer to him for more warmth. Perhaps that hadn’t been such a good idea on the side of weather risks and temperatures, but the adrenaline and dopamine of it all lingered even as they waited for some help to come to their side.

 As soon the door opened, Takuto’s hand still in his, Ranmaru immediately remembered why this place seemed so familiar, even in the uncomfortable circumstances they had found themselves in.

And that was Tenma greeting them with a big smile and a very loud “where have you been, guys?!”.

[cardshcrp]

Before we begin, please do note that I am not a medical professional. This is a personal post meant to help my mutuals & followers in a casual context with questions I receive often or issues I’ve noticed that people aren’t quite sure about but often are not entirely comfortable asking for fear of being offensive. I am also doing this in a muse-specific context for my muse, while including a large amount of general information to hopefully be informative, because I wanted to and it seemed like others wanted me to when I suggested it. I think having an open conversation is very important and while I am happy to talk with you, always, not every trans mun will be comfortable in this way. If a trans mun asks you to simply read their blog posts about a topic or tells you they aren’t comfortable with a topic, please don’t press as everyone’s comfort is different. I do suggest research using reputable sources if you’d like to further look into a topic; you are welcome to contact me to be pointed towards some of course, or have private conversations if confused about something or wanting to know more. I am also typically welcoming to people who may be questioning their gender and have questions about my personal experience.

TL;DR I can’t speak for all trans people and this is my attempt to be helpful from my perspective using my personal knowledge, experience, and research into topics that are very important to me personally. I am not a medical professional or a gender therapist.

THE GENERAL QUESTIONS.

1. Is Remy openly trans? If not, in which cases would my muse know about it? Is it acceptable for my muse to step in if someone says something transphobic in character in a thread, etc.? 

He is and he isn’t. Sorry, that was a bad answer - no. He’s not openly trans, but it isn’t a secret. He informs medical professionals when he requires treatment, and he certainly does go around shirtless often. However, his top surgery scars are reasonably faded with age and he has many scars on his torso, which means that people often don’t pay them particular notice. Top surgery is a procedure in which breast tissue is reduced and the chest is cosmetically restructured to appear as we would associate with a cis man; this can but does not always include areola reduction to fit better with the new appearance. There are a few different ways to perform this that leave different scar patterns, but the most commonly known one (and the one that Remy has) involves two horizontal scar lines across the base/just under the breast. 

Your muse likely would not know he is trans unless they were familiar with the scars and looking enough to notice them, he is informing them in a pre-sexual content, or your muse has heightened senses or some other power that would allow them extra perception and so on. If your muse wants to defend him against some kind of transphobia, that’s all well and good, but frankly he’s liable to thoroughly thrash anyone who’s going to be phobic to him and support is really all he ever needs. He can fight his own battles. He is male-passing.

2. How long has Remy known he’s trans? What does it mean to be trans? Does he know his deadname? Does he tell people his deadname? What’s a deadname?

Being transgender means that someone identifies as a gender other than the sex they were assigned at birth. Remy is a female to male trans person (FTM) and was assigned female at birth (AFAB), meaning biologically and genetically he was originally what we would consider female. If you identify with your gender to match the sex you were assigned at birth, you would be cisgender. People may realize they are trans at any age, though it typically involves a period of struggling with their identity, and generally use the pronouns of the gender they identify as. Nonbinary people can also fall under the trans umbrella. 

Remy identified as male from early childhood and in fact did not realize his biology did not match his identity until he was somewhat older (i.e. around eleven or twelve). This is not universal. He is aware of his deadname but has never really used it (aside from for reasons referred to in this headcanon) as quite frankly, it’s a fucking mouthful and he just doesn’t like it in general. It’s quite old-fashioned and difficult. His adoptive family is also aware of it and do not use it. It’s safe to assume your muse wouldn’t, and if they did for some reason find out and use it on him, they’re also probably going to get 300 kicked.

3. When did he start transitioning? Is he “fully” transitioned? Is fully transitioning a thing?

Fully transitioning isn’t a thing. The transition experience is subjective entirely according to the trans person and what they need in order to identify as their gender. For instance, someone could never undergo any surgery or change of dress and consider themselves fully transitioned. I will say that the common misconception involves ‘completing’ a surgical routine, specifically regarding genitalia. It’s not necessary if the person does not need it for their comfort. Some people do. Common elements of transitioning in general include: non-surgical chest binding or chest accentuation, top surgery or breast augmentation, removal of reproductive organs if desired, genital surgery, changing manner of dress and behavior to suit the identified gender. Bottom line is that your genitalia does not define your gender identity. Transition needs are suited to each individual person and what they feel they need to be comfortable. 

Remy considers himself fully transitioned according to what he needs. He has received top surgery and is on testosterone; he has not received a hysterectomy or genital restructuring and does not desire genital surgery, though he is undecided on the hysterectomy. He does not have plans to have one, as it’s a costly procedure and the recovery isn’t ideal for someone as active as he is. That may change in the future. He started transitioning medically at the age of 16, which is when he began receiving HRT. I have a page concerning this here, so as not to extend this FAQ past the insane length it’ll already be.

4. Is Remy on testosterone? What the hell’s a HRT? What happens when you’re on T, and the different methods of taking it. What happens if you stop?

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is the process during which someone is assigned to take hormones/hormone medication in order to provide them bodily changes so that their body more closely aligns to their identity and may allow them to “pass” as their identified gender more easily. For instance, female-to-male men would take testosterone (T), and male-to-female women would take estrogen (if desired or needed). I can’t speak on the estrogen administration and I don’t want to get that wrong, so I will talk mostly about T here - any trans ladies are welcome to add in. I know the basics but don’t want to misrepresent, so. 

T is available in skin patches, gel, pills, and shots. The patches and gels are lower dosages and take longer to have a visible effect, while the shots are generally the most known method of delivery. When you take hormones, your body does change. It doesn’t undo your first puberty, but a trans man on T would reduce in body fat and increase in muscle mass somewhat, and a redistribution of body fat. Within 1-3 months on a ‘standard’ dosage typical effects include increased sex drive, increased vaginal dryness, acne, hair growth overall, and mentioned muscle/fat changes. Notably, the clitoris also grows and may appear somewhat like a very small penis, and typically this growth is in the range of 1-3 cm. Within 6 months, menstruation usually stops and voice drops and begins to change, though that process may take a long time. After a year or so facial hair growth may start, though the rate at which it becomes steady may take years, and male-pattern baldness may also be a problem for some men if it’s a thing in their family and so on. 

 You do have to keep taking it, and if you stop some effects are permanent - i.e. voice change, and clitoris growth. Hair growth may reduce but is unlikely to completely stop. Menstruation does return, and your fat and muscle also resume their previous distributions over time.

Remy is on testosterone and has been. He uses the shot method. 

5. Does he menstruate if he’s on T? What’s that like if so?

He no longer menstruates on T. However, here let’s address the other associated question - yes, trans men can get pregnant despite being on T and not menstruating. Birth control is still important. This isn’t true for everyone. Some people may become sterile forever. However, there has been research on this, and it has been found that despite lack of actual menstruation, ovulation still occurs in some cases. However, if a trans man becomes pregnant, he would have to stop T in order to carry to term if desired, as otherwise the hormones are toxic for a fetus. 

6. Does Remy experience dysphoria, and if so to what extent? How does it affect him? What is dysphoria, and why does it matter?

Gender dysphoria is a disconnect between a person’s identified gender and biological sex, i.e. when a person feels they are of a different gender than the one that ‘matches’ their physical sex characteristics. 

Yes, he does. He used to experience it to a far greater degree, obviously; it was particularly bad in regards to his chest. However, after top surgery and being on T for years, he is mostly comfortable with his body. He has no real lingering dysphoria from the waist up and has mostly conquered his bottom dysphoria as well; however, there are still some days in which he struggles with it and would not want to be touched/penetrated vaginally for his own comfort. Sexual contexts are mostly the only area he experiences lingering bother on this.

7. What is packing? Does Remy do it? Explain packing and the types of packing.

Packing is the practice in which FTM men essentially wear a prosthetic penis. This may be to help them pass or simply because it alleviates their personal dysphoria. There are many types of packers; some are just makeshift stuffing or fabric. Others are made to enable men to pass in the bathroom and relieve themselves standing without being questioned, and are called stand-to-pee (STP) devices. Others are made with the capacity to be used for sex (called pack n plays, etc.), which are typically made out of body safe silicone. In this case it should be noted that they are semi-erect only. It would be pretty inconvenient to pack a rock-hard prosthetic all hours of the day.

Remy does not typically pack as he feels it lowers his overall agility and he has reached fairly low levels of bottom dysphoria. He does on occasion if a particular costume makes him feel dysphoric or has a partner who very much likes spontaneity and he just wants that option for a particular day.

8. Remy has a fair number of stereotypically female habits. Is it because he’s trans?

Uh, no. It’s just because he likes doing certain things and likes generally being self-sufficient. He likes pink (purple too) because it’s a pretty color and it looks good on him, and additionally looks good in his eyes; and due to his altered eye biology, colors do appear differently to him, so he does have an attachment to colors that really look good both to him and others when worn. He likes cooking because good food is delicious and his metabolism is super fast, so he has to eat a lot anyway. Enjoying the process doesn’t hurt. He sews because it’s useful, and so on.

A trans man can be as ‘feminine’ as he likes. It doesn’t make him less of a man.

9. Would he date a trans woman, trans man, or a nonbinary person? Are trans people more likely to date one gender identity over another?

Sure he would! He’s pan and would date anyone of any (or no) gender identity. And in general, no, trans people really aren’t more likely to date one gender over another. Sexuality =/= gender identity. A trans person can be gay, could be straight, bi, pan, ace, it doesn’t matter! It’s person to person no matter what your gender identity is. Yes, you can be gay if you’re trans, you can be lesbian if you’re trans.

10. My character XYZ is magical and could change Remy physically if he wanted it. Would he want to have a flesh peen? Is it offensive to ask?

It’s not offensive to me if you ask. However, this may not hold true for other muns. I understand that it’s an easy leap to make and you probably are coming from a very good place and want to help my muse be happy, but the answer is a very big no! He wouldn’t want that. To him (and me), magically providing a flesh and blood penis would negate the years and years of working to be comfortable with his body as who he is, and he’s proud to be trans. This is my opinion and may be subjective according to other muns and muses.

11. I’m thinking about writing a trans character, but I’m cis and I don’t want to offend anyone. Should I? If I did, would drag queens, etc. be appropriate face claims? Please note that for this question, I can only give you my personal opinion.

My general opinion here is kind of neutral. I don’t think people should be banned from writing things regardless of whether or not you identify as x thing you would like to write a character as being. However, I do think that if you want to write a trans character, you need to have a lot of research. We are often misrepresented in media and it does suck, there doesn’t need to be more of it. There is not a lot of open conversation about being trans because it is a really difficult thing, and that’s understandable, and it makes it hard. I’d say it’s fine if you’re genuinely dedicated to doing a good, positive portrayal, and it’s not the literal only element your muse has, but I would also say that you should treat it as a professional endeavor if you want to be an ally because it means a lot. Will you get hate? I don’t know. Would I personally attack you? No, not unless you were transphobic in your portrayal. Should you use a drag queen as your face claim? No. If you write a trans person, you should use either a trans face claim or a cis face claim of the gender your muse identifies as. Drag queens ultimately are doing performance art and while some trans people may do drag, it is performance art and a character being presented in an exaggerated way as a way of showing skill at makeup and costuming. It isn’t what someone looks like in real life on the daily and shouldn’t be portrayed as such unless your muse is literally a drag queen and is performing, you know what I mean?

THE NSFW-RELATED QUESTIONS.

12. Does T have bedroom side effects? If so, what are they?

Yes. I’d say please refer to #4 for the obvious! Vaginal dryness is common and clit growth as well, which does also change how you should handle said clit. In general, I’d say a good rule is to be more careful. It’s sensitive and delicate, do not treat it roughly and continuously check in with your partner! Every person has different sexual preferences, so I’m not even going to touch this in depth; if you want to know Remy’s, feel free to ask me separately!

13. Do the bits change, because I don’t know and I’m afraid to ask?

Yes they do! See #4, I put this with the rest of the testosterone effects. (:

14. What do I call the no-no’s if we smut? Do I ask IC or OOC? Is it bad to ask?

This is a pretty subjective question. As a general rule: ask the mun. Every trans person has a different preference; some of us will call our clitoris the dick, refer to vagina and asshole as front hole and back hole respectively, some of us say vagina, clit, pussy, cunt, it’s seriously all personal preference. Some trans women like to call their penis their clit. I think it’s a good idea to ask OOCly about this, and if you’re wondering whether your muse should ask in a thread or something, ask the mun that too! It’s better to ask instead of use the wrong thing, as the wrong terms may cause dysphoria and discomfort in some people.  Please ask this question as it’s important and people don’t ask this enough.

Remy is fine with most terminology if it is not being used in a degrading or fetishizing manner. It does not upset him to use the words vagina, pussy, etc. and likewise he’s happy to hear that you want to suck his dick. This isn’t universal. Not all my trans muses use the same terminology.

15. Is he comfortable with vaginal penetration? Because he has a vagina, is that preferable? (John Mulaney voice: WOULD THAT BE GOOD FOR YOU?)

Just because you have a vagina doesn’t mean you necessarily only want to use that. Straight cis women sometimes have a preference for butt stuff; it’s just a matter of preference. Some trans men don’t like it at all because they don’t and/or it makes them dysphoric. Some trans men love it and prefer it.

Yes, most days he is fine with vaginal penetration if it’s on the table. Some days he isn’t, but in general he’s okay with it and enjoys it as a manner of sex. Not all my trans muses are like this.

16. I’ve been on Pornhub a lot and we all know that’s a super inclusive place to get our information, so because he’s trans he’s a bottom, right? That means bottom?

It really doesn’t. Again, this is sexual preference and has nothing to do with gender identity. Unfortunately porn tends to fetishize trans people, that’s just what happens. As a trans person who previously dabbled in sex work, I promise you, it does happen. (As a side note: if you ever use the phrase ‘bonus hole boy’ in front of me I will block you instantly. I hate nothing more than that.)

Remy is a service switch. He’s happy to top or bottom, give or receive, dom or sub; some trans people may have strict preferences just like cis people. 

Thanks for reading! I appreciate you. If you’d like to leave a tip and support my getting through daily life and hopefully saving for top surgery, my Ko-Fi is here. I hope this was helpful, and if you have any further questions please do feel free to contact me!

[elegiacmarquise]

The Legend of Zelda: Stone of Paths: Main Characters and Introduction

Here we are the designs of the Link and Zelda from the concept of a fangame I’m creating: Stone of Paths, which it could be considered as a prequel of BOTW. Before I start, however, I do want to thank my friend g0thi-cr0c, who patiently helped me with the translation of the first messy draft: thank thank you a lot!

I’m really really sorry, true Zelda fans, if this AU is kinda inconsistent with canon: despite I tried to inform myself as best I can do, I’m aware there are something I’ve might be missed; therefore if you notice some continuity or even logical errors, tell me! As you may notice in the next lines, the following are the basics of the games: so I didn’t deepened some parts of the story nor the character, and if I can get some help from some enthusiasts, I can be more than happy! So criticism is more than accepted! Short Version (also known as tl;dr): Setted 10.500 years before BOTW main events, the quest of this incarnation of Link is to defeat a Ganon which split itself into the three (plus two after an event) timelines which started from Ocarina of Time. Starting from the northern of the Akkala Region during the Child Timeline, the Hero of Paths (initially a simple forester) will be helped by Cice, a fairy sent by Zelda to call Link, Tiusha, the daughter of the Gerudo Matriarch and Nanas, a Sheikah who discovered and passed a part of his life to study and develop the Sheikah Slate and its correlations with the Guide Stones. He will give Link the fruit of his studies in order to travel to other timelines. Even the Princess herself will help the hero, albeit her distant relationship with him: initially emotionally afflicted by a tragedy happened in the game’s beginning, she will slowly be aware of herself and unlocking Hylia’s powers. In the final dungeons her presence will be fundamental! ———————————————— Link, the Hero of Paths: the main protagonist of this game; he lives with his horse Epona in the village of Redleaf, northern Akkala: a zone particularly liked by wayfarers for its peculiar position between mountains and seaside. His job is to be a forester but often he helps his fellow villagers in their everyday duties. Gifted by a very good sense of orientation and sword skills, Link is already celebrated in his homeland, mostly for bravely protecting it by the countless monsters who usually scare the wayfarers during their wander. His adventure starts in the beginning of Autumn: the entire village of Redleaf was preparing to host the yearly Fall Festival, and since it was the period of the year which traditionally attracted most tourists, Link overworked himself to make surd the festival was going as best it could be. In the day the festival begun, a mysterious, horrific, creature suddenly appeared in the town nearly destroying it, causing both the tourists and the locals to run away. As soon as he could, Link took his wooden sword and fought the monster but was unexpectedly hit hard by the beast, leaving him nearly dead. In his uncertain state, he heard a muffled voice which tried desperately to tell him something he couldn’t distinguish. That voice vanished just after. Soon after, he was woken up by Cice, a little Fairy who took care of him. After the fairy presented herself as to be sent by Princess Zelda, who desperately tried to send him help with her weak telepathic powers. The magic being begged Link’s help in order to save Hyrule from the return of Ganon and his fellow army, promising him the safety of the village as well: when the forester accepted, Cice hurried Link and Epona to go to the Kokiri Forest, where the Master Sword was protected  and to defeat Ganon as soon as possible. In the woods, despite the Deku Tree and the Sword’s spirit agreed for the Hero to extract it, they both weren’t as sure as they were with the other Links: despite their awareness of the heroic nature of the Akkalan forester, they still had the sensation he was too weak to defeat this force, but didn’t know what exactly led them to these thoughts. They felt this incarnation of Ganon was really different, almost as he came from another world but at the same time they couldn’t prove it, so they preferred remaining quiet. With a new sword in the sheath, the hero ran towards Hyrule Castle, where he met Zelda for the first time a little before trying to defeat Ganon. Despite the weakness of her powers,Zelda still cared about his arrive, to the point to give him some of the best weapons in the castle. She also made her mother bless him, despite the queen being deeply worried about the lack of her daughter’s actual powers. But when Link managed to defeat the beast and everything was about to be restored into their original form, a dark force revived Ganon, allowing him to be even more powerful than he used to be; it destroyed the already corrupted castle, killing almost everyone who lived there at the sole impact, including the Queen of Hyrule. In the tragedy, during the escape from a falling castle, the Hero accidentally lost the Master Sword, but at the same time found the barely surviving body of Princess Zelda. Cice ordered the swordman to escort her to Kakariko Village, the birthace of her old nurse Impa; she the only surviving person who could cure her. After a troubled travel, they arrived to the village: surprisingly, Impa was already aware and prepared of their visit, having been advised by the late spirit of Zelda’s mother in dream. Without anything else to do, and shocked by the dispersion of his beloved villagers and failure of his heroic duties, the swordsman was requested by Impa to met Nanas, a Sheikah scientist. A former ambulant shopkeeper, he’s known for leaving behind his former life to do researches about a miraculous Stone (which will be called the Sheikah Stone terminal in BOTW). This stone can memorize some new information which can also be manipulated into runes; they afflict the surrounding world with the connection of a smaller rudimentary tablet made with an extremely rare material (also known as a first version of the Sheikah Slate we’ll see in BOTW). As Link first stepped into Nanas’ home, the stone glowed in a light Nanas didn’t ever see before, and automatically installed an unusual  rune the scientist remembered not programming: when activated, Link could see passages otherwise invisible which could lead him directly to the monsters Ganon sent through all Hyrule. The first passage he found brought, in spite of himself, to the first beast he met in a deserted Redleaf village. After finally destroying it,Link could open another secret passage which led him… in the same place. But something at the same time seemed to have changed: some of the buildings, or new faces which couldn’t recognize Link at all. As the hero remembered, they were preparing themselves to host a festivity; however, when asked about the Fall Festival, the people looked at him strangely and replied they actually were excited about the upcoming visit of King Horatio Casimir Hyrule. Between the greeting crowd, the King recognised Link instantly, deeply surprising the hero: as the King would tell him in a second moment, the true reason he visited such a far village was a Prophecy that has been handed down for centuries. It told a green dressed Hero would come from another Hyrule’s Land of Autumn at the time in which a single Princess Zelda existed in all the three timelines and introduced the Fallen Timeline. Unlike the other two parallel Hyrules, the people living in this one were generally aware of not being the only one. Added to the fact the King didn’t have a distinctive legacy since the premature death of his wife, he became slowly worried about the right time for the prophecy to happen, so he decided to go against the court’s will, both relieved and even more worried to be right about his encounter. In fact, both Link and Ganon would have to come at the same time; in order to prevent a total destruction in his land, the King explicitly asked Link to bring him the Zelda from his dimension, defeat Ganon and finally reunite both the timelines he was in, along with the third one. Therefore, after hearing the King’s request, Link and Cice went back to the Kakariko village in his world and told Impa, Zelda and Nanas about the three Hyrule timelines; they started their main quest, in order to find the Master Sword again and rebuild Link’s native village. Princess Zelda Telene Hyrule: the Princess of Hyrule and first female born in the Royal Family of Hyrule after 100 years, therefore a descendant of Hylia. For this reason, added to the possibility of an incoming menace, her concerned parents took the drastic decision to rarely let the Princess go out of the castle; this norm had become harsher after the premature death of her father when she was still a child. The Queen of Hyrule, who wanted to show the daughter the variety of the reign’s population and tey to make feel Zelda less alone, decided to bring in her castle some exponents of every Hyrulean race; and the child became particularly close with the Fairy Cice. Aside of her isolation, she spent a rather peaceful childhood. While she was already prepared to act as a proper princess and was raised in a peaceful period, Zelda was still worried about her future both as a queen and as a descendant of Hylia, fearing to disappoint her loving yet severe mother. Even at the beginning of her eighteenth year of life she couldn’t do anything aside from a weak power of telepathic speech she gained when she was a toddler. In an apparently normal day of her life, an huge malevolent entity possessed her castle, imprisoning almost everyone in it: the Hyrule army tried to defend from the beast but were mortally defeated. While the Queen and her daughter tried to think about a solution, Zelda decided to send a telepathic help appeal to everyone in the kingdom which only a comatose Link received. With both hope in her heart and worry about his safety, she asked Cice , the smallest being in her castle, therefore the most likely to pass unnoticed to Ganon, to reach for the hero and to cure him with a mixture of a medicine she prepared herself and the fairy’s own healing powers. She couldn’t do anything but revolving her prayers to the Goddess Hylia and searching for the best weapons in the castle, in order to give Link the best aid she could offer. Usually described as calm, imaginative and compassionate, this Zelda often shows the tendency to be overly obsessed by negative thoughts and guilt feelings, especially after almost her entire court was killed by Ganon. Despite her first encounter with Link in the castle was hopeful, she will close herself after the accident and feel useless to have not helped enough to avoid that tragedy. Spending most of her day in her room, she often asked herself the reasons she was gifted by such a weak power and why she wasn’t as powerful as her ancestors, trying to give herself an answer she couldn’t completely satisfy. She saw Link’s presence as the concrete incarnation of her own failures  to her duties as both a Princess and a descendant of Hylia; therefore,when he came back to Kakariko Village from his interdimensional travel, she preferred avoided directly talking to him, preferring being mediated by Impa instead. However, she was aware about the vicious circle which her behaviour could to her and the few people she could trust, so she took the wise yet difficult choice to restart a temporary new life and get used to the simple village life. Despite she was still emotionally overwhelmed by her beloved mother’s grief, she was strong enough to become Nanas’ assistant; while she offered him to do some smaller works for him, she slowly became fascinated by his researches. She also befriended Tiusha, a cheerful Gerudo girl who kept staying in Kakariko village after finding her ideal voe in Nanas. Despite her firstly avoiding behaviour, Zelda became progressively closer to Link as well: she was deeply displeased about the lack of help she offered him, but eventually apologized to Link in tears and was happily forgiven, keeping evolving herself further. Positively influenced by both Nanas’ brilliant mind and constant effort in what he does, by Tiusha’s optimistic yet powerful behaviour and by Link’s selflessness and courage, she slowly became more free by her negative thoughts and influence of her mother visiting the lands around Kakariko village for some research requested by Nanas. In order to travel safely and to reassure a worried Impa about her wellbeing as both a surrogate child and as a Princess, Zelda also restarted practicing archery and learnt some sword basics. However, the moment Zelda will remember the most was when another emotional crisis came: the sudden miss of her mother’s love and role model rapidly interrupted her slowly healing process. This time, however, something changed; her heart was instilled with her first wish, a spark of hope in her previously pessimistic mind-set: to visit the Spring of Power, the Spring of Courage and, lastly, the Spring of Wisdom. She was insecure about her mastery with the weapons, so she asked Link, who already had to go there in order to find the Master Sword, if he could escort her. When the green dressed hero accepted, they prepared themselves and left the village despite Nanas, Cice and Impa’s doubts. Acting as the third and last guide in the game, after Cice and Tiusha, her bond with Link intensified to the point of revealing him her past and her feelings when the swordsman escorted her and protected her from the monsters. When they arrived to the Spring of Power and defeated Ganon together, Zelda started to slowly regain Hylia’s powers, fully obtaining them as she arrived to the Spring of Wisdom. As she would tell Link and Cice, when she prayed at each Spring, she internally reached up a state of ecstasy and felt surrounded by a comforting light Link would only catch a small grasp of; she also heard the reassuring words of her mother, who told her she was proud of her progress and that she would be a great Queen to Hyrule . Lastly she saw a beautiful and mysterious woman who kissed her right hand without saying anything. Back in her world, a Triforce jewel in her gown appeared. She felt for the first time in full peace with herself, as she felt her telepathy power improving and other abilities unlocking. As she progressively gained her powers, her help was crucial during in the resolution of the last few dungeons, and her intervention (as King Horatio hoped) was crucial to reunite each Hyrule into an united big reign. Along with Tiusha, Cice and Nanas’ technology,she participated in the final battle with a dimension-merged Ganon, the most dangerous Hyrule ever witnessed; her godly abilities,united with Link’s skills and Master Sword (merged from the three dimensions by Hyrule’s unification) managed to defeat and seal it.   This incarnation of the dimension-merged Ganon, however, lasted for 500 years until it became more intelligent and powerful: its freeing became the Calamity Ganon whose legend was narrated in Breath of the Wild. At the end of the adventure, despite facing up a first politically difficult period, Zelda was crowned as Hyrule’s Queen and her wisdom and diplomacy were loved by her subjects; it’s hinted in the game’s credits she visited the Redleaf village to speak again with a Link who implicitly accepted to marry her. Their children’s progenie after 10.500 years will give the birth to King Rhoam,and then to the Zelda of Breath of the Wild. Nanas’ discoveries and research, already known and developed by a small elite of Sheikah people Link would meet into his journey, were made famous by Zelda’s narration of the events: even more people were interested in his technology and his very first uses of the terminals and the Sheikah tablet, to the point they developed them for more uses, just as the future Sheikah Towers and Shrines. King Horatius from the Fallen Timeline abdicated the throne in favour of the owner of the Triforce and willingly dedicated himself to help the now Queen Zelda as her political adviser. Thanks to their resourceful knowledge about politics, as well as Hyrule’s cultures and timelines, their governing guidelines were useful to keep the Reign in peace for 500 years. Thank you a lot for reading! I hope you’ll like it:3

So… I happened to be more into Zelda.

After my initial skepticism due to its high praise from both critique and pubblic, I finally brought Breath of the wild, which it’s revealed to be the best decision I did in a while: I loved that post-apocalyptic setting, that ruins, the charm of villages and characters blended with a fun gameplay and the fitting music! *v*

I also loved the characters and the sparse storytelling, and even the Zelda herself, to which I never really was a fan due to her kinda aggressive behavior and unfitting character design, she has still a lot of interesting and relatable parts! I especially like how she struggles to do her duties and her difficult relationship with her father. I didn’t like however, how fastly and suddenly she got her powers.

I’m looking forward to buy even more game from this saga, despite I still like Mario and Pikmin better, maybe starting from Skyward Sword, which has such an intriguing plot.

[snowy-charm]

A Treatise on Charm, Snowy

(TL;DR warning: This post is kinda long. The quick version is that I’m gonna make music now! Next post will be one of said musics. The rest of this post goes over the story of why I’m doing it. Also I use a meme twice and link some rad music three times.)

The year: 2017. October. I was given the name “Snowy Charm” as a fun pony name to facilitate a secret santa exchange online. Even though I’d been a fan of these little horses since ~2012 I’d never delved into the world of having one to call my own. I was more than satisfied bearing witness to the growing cast of canon characters - and of course my hot and heavy courting with the cast of Fallout: Equestria. (Side note to anyone who may be reading this: FoE is pretty dope, but it is also the essence of grimdark. Read at your own risk!)

Suddenly at odds with this new OC acquisition, I quickly came up with a fast and loose backstory! He was a crystal pony from the wintery crystal kingdom (”Snowy”) and was probably an artificer or craftsman of some kind (”Charm”). I joked that the reason behind my name is that I live in a snowy climate (read: the tropics) and I was quite charming (the jury is still out on that one). 

The following year was my first ever convention: BronyCon 2018! An artist friend of mine graciously designed my OC with little to no input on my part and came up with a design that I instantly fell in love with.

(Pictured here subtly in front of a rack-mounted EQ I have never used, but is appropriate for an upcoming revelation.)

Isn’t he ADORABLE?! I will forever wear that badge because it is awesome. The cutie mark has been redone a little since then, and no other artist has remembered his beard yet, but I digress; this story isn’t actually about him.

Of course, BronyCon was a blast! This became my impetus to be more than simply an observer in the fandom, but to be present and belonging with others through our communal enjoyment of My Little Pony. My friends, in general, had a disinterest of the show - which, you know what? That’s fair. I don’t particularly care for Game of Thrones, Desperate Housewives, or the DCU, and it would be hard for me to feign a genuine interest in the developments thereof - but as of BronyCon I was able to play on an even field with others who shared my same passion for these candy colored equines!

Now, another thing to note of me, which will be important in a moment: I’m slightly musical. Not amazingly talented or anything, just.. slightly musical. I was REALLY into marching band (and won the John Philip Sousa award my senior year!!), but stopped refining my craft during college and onwards. Turns out playing a $5000 instrument puts a damper on your ability to own one. (Here’s a second video, and a third; I freakin love marimba.) I picked up the Ukulele for the the occasional “BUT YOU LIKE TO MAKE MUSIC” urges, but more or less ignored actually honing my abilities.

But now that I found myself surrounded by the magic of friendship combined with the magic of ponies, I wanted to CREATE. I suddenly realized that Snowy Charm was to be a MUSIC PONE. I would make FANDOM HITS that nopony had ever HEARD BEFORE (or after - I didn’t/don’t expect to be horse famous [or really even horse known (triple parenthetical asides are super cool, by the way)]).

Aaaaand promptly realized I had the better part of a decade’s worth of rust hanging onto my high-school-level skills. Not to mention that I still didn’t own the only thing I was good at playing.

F

“Okay, okay, it’s fine. Don’t hyperventilate, self. We’ll just make this into a project about growth in music instead.” 

- Me to myself circa the realization I can only really play a single instrument, and not even well.

I decided to make the project about my journey in the music field instead of pumping out dope jams. The goal was to lay out where I was musically and pick a song each week. I’d then practice that song all week and post a recording of my warbly self performing it by week’s end. Pick up a new instrument here, learn a new software there. Maybe I’d do originals now and again, but likely I’d just scream into the void and wait for it to call me back.

Of course, the dope jams would (hopefully) come, but as Jake says:

Long story short on that one: I didn’t.

Be it procrastination or a busy schedule, I can’t really defend my past self’s choice at this point. I made all the social media accounts and sturdied myself to make the first bellow into the abyss --- but then silence rung out. (Of note, I got my twitter anniversary notice today, so it has been exactly a year from my first tentative steps.)

Flash forward a couple months - October once more. My little festive community starts up again! More fun names are given out and lore starts being woven together about these new OCs! The stories start coming quick: There’s a stallion who HATES CRANBERRIES and one who makes bomb smoothies! A diamond dog who wants to celebrate Hearth’s Warming but is the target of seemingly the entire diamond dog population’s scorn! There’s a whole school filled with students, teachers, and a will-they-won’t-they janitor/counselor combo! Snowy now owns a potion shop specializing in musical applications, not to mention somehow he’s now the ambassador to those diamond dogs! But then, unexpectedly, on the day she was supposed to return from the hospital, my mother passed away.

I had recently lost my job and moved into my folk’s home out of town. Unemployed, isolated from friends, and yeeted into the throes of grief; I did all I really could: I picked up my dumb noise stick and sang about life, love, death, and colorful talking horses.

I made my first honest-to-goodness song - Drink In - during that period. It’s about that on-again-off-again pair I introduced earlier, but it was also about my grief and healing. I’ll share some of the lyrics here that, after I wrote them, spoke to me as if I didn’t pen them my damn self:

Take a deep breath Exhale regret Drink in sunsets The best is what’s left

It may not hit you the same way as it did me, music is often subjective, but it was an imperative reminder to let go of the stress I was compounding inside of me. I needed to hear that message badly - and put a pin in that, I’ll loop back to it in a moment.

I started working to better my craft again. I helped mix/master the album that my little festive family put together. I borrowed a bass guitar from a friend and started learning a little. I even got employed to do live mixing at the church I attend! Little by little I was getting better. 

But let’s fast forward again, shall we? This time to August of this year, BronyCon 2019! One of the best times I’ve ever had, but that’s not the point (maybe I’ll go into it in a later post?). I came home invigorated and ready to face the world again after being exhausted for almost five months straight. I felt free from burdens and there was something on my mind that hadn’t been there for a long time: I was ready to CREATE. 

If you were at the con, or if you’ve been on twitter recently, this next refrain may strike you as familiar:

(Patch done by @sew-adorkable)

I knew I had to make a song about it, but I had to make it good enough to be heard by folk. It had to be perfect before I could release it and have guitars and electronic music stuff and all the bells and/or whistles. I have a launchpad, unused, from last year - so I plugged it in with Ableton Live so I could make them funky horse beatz (with a z of course, because that’s 20% cooler).

Aaaaand promptly realized I was way out of my depth. 

I’ve recorded live performances (and myself) with Reaper and Audition before, and I feel like I know at least some of the basics with them. I can put a vocal into compression, mix the instruments okay together, do some EQing, etc. But I was now adrift trying to get the computer to make sounds that I wasn’t able to do myself.

I couldn’t figure out how to put anything other than the default synth into reaper and I opened Ableton because that’s better for electronic music I hear and I want to learn how to do that and they don’t even have a timeline and use clips and what are clips and how do you make them and what are samples and how do you get them and how do I even record a voice in this thing and there’s not a TIMELINE and when you stop the noise the session isn’t stopped and the launchpad won’t work and I went back to reaper and they have a drum sampler and how do you get a sample and how do you install things and is this my personal hell and I understand this is a run on sentence - I was frustrated and I quit.

Remember the pin I told you to put in earlier? Refresh that into memory, here’s where it’s relevant.

About two weeks after this whole debacle I was listening to shuffle all on my phone and Drink In happened to come on. I remembered how the completely unintentional message of my own song really struck me a year prior. This stupid song about a pair of pony OCs with terribly played ukulele and shitty bargain bin percussion recorded with a mic not suited to record anything except vocals... and despite all that, despite all of the technical barriers that were in the way, despite clipping during recording ukulele and hearing the distortion every time I listen to the track, it helped me restore tranquility when my inner world was naught but a maelstrom of grief and tumult. 

...I guess it didn’t have to be perfect to reach folks. Who knew?

And that right there is the moral I’m learning today. I struggle with it a lot, but there’s a problem with perfection: allow yourself only to produce perfection and you’ll produce nothing. I mean it’s a well known quote, right? Nobody’s perfect. 

So, I apologize in advance to all people with ears, but it is now my intention to bring (hopefully) pleasant noises to the grandiose cacophony that is the internet. They won’t be perfect, but I’ll work on it.

Anyway, come to TrotCon.

(Art by Witchtaunter, Flitterfel, and Mentita Kirby)

P.S. Holy bananas you actually read this monster of a post? Give yourself a pat on the back! Future posts likely won’t be as herculean of a read, but no promises. Next time I’ll actually upload “Drink In” so you can hear this song I’ve referenced so much - and then I’ll talk about where I’m at mechanically and the goals I have by doing this whole thing. Oh, and don’t expect all the neat art to happen every post! I went a little YCH/commission crazy after I got back from BronyCon, but I’m also not made out money so it won’t last forever. I don’t expect really anybody to read a huge post ostensibly about someone’s OC, and even the lifetime of this project I expect less or equal to about 10 people, but I hope you find a sense of belonging and participation here! Hello to all 10 of you!

See y’all next time!

[chemicalmagecraft]

I Would Totally Kick Jiraiya’s Butt Chapter 1

A/N: So this has a funny story behind it. I've been binge watching all of Naruto Shippuden recently and around the time when I got to the part where (spoiler alert) Jiraiya died, my English teacher had us answer a question that was something along the lines of "If you could live in a fictional universe, which would it be?" So, naturally, due to a combination of the revelations about Jiraiya lowering my already low opinion of him and someone making me think about self-insert fanfics, I decided to write this. Hopefully, I don't fail horribly like a lot of SI fics. Still, I would very much appreciate any feedback so as not to end up with a horrible SI sue fic. That being said, story me is going to train a lot because real life me has no life so why would story me.

TL;DR: I hate Jiraiya.

P.S. I was originally going to call this fic I Would Totally Kick Jiraiya's Ass, but apparently that's against rules...

kukukuku~

The village was devastated. So many of the buildings were smashed, and so many people had lost their lives to the Kyubi. Entire squads of ninja were needed to sift through the wreckage for any survivors. It is with two of these ninja that our story starts. "This destruction..." one ninja said. "It's unreal... How could this happen?"

"The nine-tailed demon fox," the other ninja replied brusquely. "That damned fox killed people by stepping on them. What else would happen when it went on a rampage? Now come on, we need to clear this whole sector in an hour."

"Do you hear that?" the first ninja asked. The second ninja stopped talking and listened for a bit.

"Is that... a baby crying?" he said. They both hurried to where the sound seemed to be coming from. A ray of light pierced the clouds to fall down on a blanket on top of a large piece of rubble. One of the ninja lifted up the blanket to reveal... a log. The other ninja rolled his eyes and picked up the baby lying on another piece of rubble. The child, a boy, couldn't have been more than a few months old. He had a thick head of brown hair and dark marks under his eyes. The ninja rocked the baby, and he stopped crying. He opened his hazel eyes and cooed at the sight of the man. "Found the baby. Let's take him to the other survivors. Hopefully one of the survivors is looking for him."

"And if not?"

"Then the kid's going to be in for a rough childhood."

"Well just in case, let's give him a name."

"Kouki." (Koh-key. Has kanji for either light or happiness and either light or hope)

"Why?"

"If he needs the name, then he's gonna need what it means more."

kukukuku~

I plopped down on my bed and groaned. One moment I was writing the assignment thinking about how I would totally beat up Jiraiya if I was in Naruto and in the next three years had passed and I was a small child in a Konohagakure orphanage. I immediately recognized this as the start of a self-insert fanfiction because I know myself. 

"Really, Me?" I asked. "You just had to write an SI." If I'm going to be doing this, I'm sooo going to fourth-wall break. "You'd better give me a good reason for knowing the future so I don't get thrown in an insane asylum." I paused. "Does Konoha even have insane asylums? Thinking about it, they don't really seem to have any form of psychological therapy, what with how nobody helped any of the various orphans in Naruto. Or Hinata, for that matter. Where was I again? Oh, right! I could also use a way to refresh myself on the timing of things, Me." I licked my lips. "Well," I said, "seems that habit followed me here. I should probably cut down on it or people might think I'm the secret child of Orochimaru and... I don't know, Tsuyu Asui?" 

I thought about that for a moment and groaned again. "Thanks for that mental image, brain. That was almost as bad as that one horrible dream I had where Naruto and Jiraiya were..." I trailed off, screamed, stood up, and walked to the nearest wall, which I immediately started banging my head on. As I did that, an older orphan came in the room.

"What are you doing?" he asked me.

"Punishing my brain," I stopped to answer.

"Why?"

"Because it needs to be punished."

"O...kay... just... don't hurt yourself?" He walked away, muttering, "Weirdo."

Once I decided that my brain had been punished enough (I took the headache as a sign of surrender), I plopped back down on my bed. "What now?" I said to myself. A leaf drifted through an open window and landed on my forehead. It was at this moment that I realized that I somehow knew how to mold and use chakra to some degree as if it was instinctual. "Plus ultra, I guess." I started channeling chakra into the leaf on my forehead, hoping that I was doing the chakra exercise right.

kukukuku~

I collapsed, water splashing slightly as I fell on its surface. It had been a little over a month and my complete and utter lack of a life had served me well in my quest for power. I'd managed to slip off to a secluded area of woods with a lazy and shallow river where I'd spent a great deal of time mercilessly training myself in the ways of sticking leaves to myself, only stopping for a rest and snack break when I started to get tired. At first, I couldn't do too much because, as a child of a little over three years, my chakra reserves were limited (though I think that my reserves were also higher than they should have been due to me having the mental energy of a teenager). Of course, practice makes perfect, so I soon found myself able to use more chakra at once. Once I could hold multiple leaves on multiple parts of my body simultaneously for a few seconds, I upgraded to tree climbing. While I didn't have any kunai to mark my progress, I'd figured out how to channel chakra through my fingernails to leave small scratches in the bark without harming my nails, which I ended up calling Cat Claws Jutsu. Once I was able to walk up trees like I was walking on the ground and also stick leaves to myself while doing it, I took a day for rest (chakra exhaustion sucks) and then started on water walking. 

That... that involved much more getting wet than I'd like to admit... Eventually, however, I'd managed to get water walking down pat and included leaves in it as well, which is what I had just finished at that point. I got up, figuring that laying down on the water is probably a bad idea, and got to solid ground before plopping down on the grass. As I did, the leaves that had been clinging to my skin fell off. I pulled out the apple I'd brought as a snack. Mmm, fuji apples. When I was done devouring the fruit, I licked my lips, wrapped the core in the napkin I'd stored it in, and lay there for a bit. I breathed in the nice, Springy air. So far as I knew, the Land of Fire was constantly warm, which is how it got its name. I certainly wasn't complaining; I like it hot. Once I'd caught my breath and had time to rest, I picked up one of the leaves I'd been using for training. "Time for some advanced training," I said. I sandwiched the leaf between my palms, closed my eyes, and focused. "Two fronts grinding against each other," I thought. Snip. I opened my hands, revealing that the leaf had developed a small cut on it, as if someone had cut it with a pair of scissors. "It's a start," I said.

kukukuku~

When I started with wind chakra, I decided to start doing light exercise not related to chakra. I didn't want to do too much because I had once heard something about lifting weights as a child stunting growth or something. It probably wasn't as big of a problem in a world where Rock friggin Lee can exist, but I still wanted to be careful. I just did some light jogging (while collecting and attempting to cut leaves), sit-ups (while attempting to cut leaves), and push-ups (fun fact: it is very hard to cut leaves with wind chakra while doing push-ups, but not impossible). It was on a jog around the playground near the orphanage that everyone played in that I saw him. A blonde boy with markings on his cheeks sitting alone by a tree. All of the other kids were ignoring him. 

I distantly remembered a time when one of the adults from the orphanage took us all aside and told us that he was a demon and we shouldn't play with him. It was before my past life memories came in... or however that worked... but now it made it all the more real what Naruto went through. I was already going to try to befriend Naruto, but now I really wanted to do something. I walked over to the other side of the tree Naruto was sitting at and looked around to see if anyone was looking. When I saw that nobody was, I muttered "Cat Claws Jutsu" and started using my claws to get a good grip on the tree. I could have just used the regular tree walking, but I was trying to be discreet so as to not have people asking why I knew ninja techniques. I did, however, use the tree walking to grip with my feet. Once I was situated on a branch above Naruto, I looked around to see if anyone was looking. It seemed not. Apparently, tree-climbing in a ninja village full of trees that was founded by a tree-man is a very uninteresting sight. Who knew? I licked my lips, took a deep breath, and said, "Hi, there," to him. When he looked up, I gave a small but friendly smile and waved. "My name's Kouki, what's yours?" I mean, I already knew his name, but it's not like I could tell him that.

He sniffed and said "Naruto." I noticed that his eyes were all red (not Kyuubi red, irritated red) and puffy. "Why are you here?"

I jumped down, using a light burst of wind chakra to cushion my fall, and said, "Everybody avoids you, so I felt like you might want somebody to play with." I sat down next to him. "People avoid me, too. I think it's because I don't talk to people much, look like I'm really bored most of the time, and have really freaky eye markings." For whatever reason, I had black markings with a white dot under and offset to the outer side of each eye, which in real life was just permanent dark shadows under my eyes and... what were they, freckles? Beauty marks? I had dot markings under each eye. I guess author me's basis for that was the fact that several people in Naruto had what appeared to be biological, and in some cases hereditary, markings not directly related to being the prison for a demonic monster. For example, the Inuzuka, the Akimichi, Jiraiyass, Orochimaru, and the second and third Hokage. "I'm fine with being alone, but I had a feeling you aren't. Wanna be friends?"

He gasped, then gave me a bright smile. His eyes began to water and he gave me a hug. I patted him on the back and just let him hug it out. When he was done, he asked, "What do friends do?"

"I... don't know. I guess maybe I show you something cool?"

"Like what?" I pulled a leaf from my pocket and cut it in half. He gasped. "Cool! How'd you do that?"

"When I grow up, I wanna be a ninja. I managed to find out how to do some stuff with chakra. That's apparently an advanced technique that grants you wind powers."

He looked confused at that. "How does cutting a leaf give you wind powers?"

"It's more like it's the easiest use of wind chakra or something. Doing it lets you practice wind chakra so you can do more advanced stuff."

He beamed at me. "Can you teach me?"

I smiled and said, "There were a lot of steps involved in learning how to do it. I had to do a bunch of other special exercises before I could do it." He pouted. "Buuut, if you do exactly what I tell you and don't question it, I can teach you some cool stuff." He nodded vigorously.

"I'm gonna be Hokage someday! Knowing how to use chakra stuff would be great!" I smiled. The was no doubt in his words. It was as if he already knew he would be Hokage, and the world just had to catch up.

I bowed. "Very well, then, Hokage-sama. Let the training montage begin."

kukukuku~

"Whoa!" Naruto said. He was staring at the small tree that I had just felled with a few quick swipes.

"That's what I can teach you," I said with a smug grin as I put my hands in my pockets. "Before that, though, I have some rules that I have for you. First, I don't think that non-ninja are supposed to use jutsu in public, so please don't do stuff like this until you're in the academy at least. Second, even when you do use chakra, please be careful with it." I kicked the tree that I'd just killed. "You can do some serious damage. Third, if you start to feel tired, stop using your chakra unless you absolutely have to. It's a combination of mental and physical energy, meaning it uses your life force. You do the math. Got that?" He nodded eagerly. "Good. Now, for your first task," I picked a leaf off of the tree and gave it to him, "use chakra to stick this leaf to your body."

Naruto groaned. "That's so boring!"

I narrowed my eyes and said, "I told you to do exactly what I say. This is a chakra exercise. It lets you practice in the use of chakra. It's just the first step in what I have to teach you." I walked up a nearby tree. "Get good enough with it and I get to teach you the next trick." I looked at him expectantly. He stared at the leaf, then placed it on the palm of his hand. He then channeled enough chakra into it that it started glowing blue slightly. He flipped his palm over so that the leaf should've fallen over, but it didn't. I dropped to the ground and inspected the leaf. It was a little unsteady, but holding. I guess he was having an easier time controlling his chakra because he hadn't yet developed stupid amounts of it. "Rein it in slightly. Other than that, it seems fine. I'm going to do my stuff. Once you think you're good with one, add another. Do that until I say you're ready."

kukukuku~

"You're ready," I told him with a laugh a few days later. His arms were covered in leaves. "Take a little break and I'll teach you the next step."

kukukuku~

It continued like that for a while. I don't know how long it lasted for, but by the time Naruto started with leaf cutting, I saw... was he the Raikage? The one guy who Hiashi Hyuuga called the head ninja of Kumogakure when he was talking about the incident with Hinata's kidnapping. I saw that jerk walking down the streets. I managed to find out from a nearby villager that it was December 27th, Hinata's birthday, and he was going to sign the peace treaty with Konoha. I decided that I would help stop the incident in whatever way I could, seeing as that was pretty much where everything started to go wrong in Hinata's life and I could hopefully stop it. I was thinking about how I could sneak my way into the Hyuuga compound when I got a splitting headache and a tingly feeling in my eyeballs. When I opened my eyes, I could see... myself sneaking into the compound and finding the Raikage in Hinata's room. It was like that one hint stone in Skyward Sword, where you could see a cutscene of what you had to do, except really trippy because it was in real life. I looked in the general direction of the fourth wall and said, "Well that's a deus ex machina and a half, Me. Thanks, I'll make good use of the intel." 

I quickly found Naruto, told him that I had to do something and that he should continue with the leaf-cutting practice until I got back. He was making decent progress with it. His leaves were already cut almost halfway through. I then began with the path that I'd seen. When I finally managed to sneak in, it was already dark. I went to the spot on the fence I'd seen myself brooding in the vision when I saw the enemy in my vision. Thankfully, I was just in time to see the man dressed in all black sneak up to Hinata's room. I licked my lips as I thought for a second about what I could do, but quickly decided with a silent "Screw it." "HYUUGA HIASHI!" I screamed. "A MASKED MAN IS TRYING TO KIDNAP YOUR DAUGHTER! MAKE SURE TO CAPTURE HIM ALIVE, THOUGH, OR HIS VILLAGE WILL DEMAND YOUR HEAD OR START A WAR!"

"WHAT!?" a man who I assume was Hiashi screamed.

"I SAID THAT A MAN IS TRYING TO KIDNAP YOUR DAUGHTER! PROBABLY FOR HER EYES! AND IF YOU KILL HIM HIS VILLAGE WILL DEMAND YOUR CORPSE FOR YOUR EYES! PLEASE HURRY! I'M PRETTY SURE HE'S ABOUT TO KILL ME FOR RUINING HIS PLANS AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE DYING SO SOON!" As I was shouting at him, the masked man came out and started making a few hand seals. I jumped off of the fence and made a single seal of my own (dragon seal, the only one I knew enough to use) and started molding wind chakra.

"Lightning Release: Lightning Shot!" He shot a bolt of lightning chakra out of his hand at me.

"Wind Release: Mini Air Slashes!" I countered by making small slashing motions with my index fingers. Small blades of air spawned from my fingers and rammed straight into the lightning. After most of the slashes dissipated while expending some of the lightning, the remaining one cut straight through the weakened jutsu and cut slightly into his chest. I breathed a sigh of relief and licked my lips. That wouldn't have worked if he hadn't underestimated me, though to be fair not many small children can make air slashes, whatever the size. I dashed in close to him and activated my other wind jutsu. "Wind Release: Dragon Claws." Before I could attack him, I saw him punch me in the chest, but... he hadn't punched me yet. His fist came at me and I ducked away from it. As I dodged I swiped at his leg, hoping that I could distract him if I made enough cuts. What really happened... it was both better and worse than I was hoping for...

Squelch. "GYAAAAH!" the man screamed as blood spouted everywhere. I stopped in my tracks. Even in the dim light, I definitely saw his leg fall off.

"What?" I turned around to see several Hyuuga ninja staring at me. I made to answer but was suddenly overtaken by a wave of fatigue and dizziness. Chakra exhaustion. "How did you get here? How did you do that?" The ninja in the lead, Hiashi, asked me.

I just barely managed to grin and say, "I don't suppose you'd believe me if I said I could see the future?" before my eyes rolled back in my head and I passed out.

I guess the first chapter ends with a cliffhanger...

kukukuku~

A/N: Yeah... sorry for not doing another episode of Gamer Hero Deku next, but inspiration can be annoyingly fickle at times and I actually really enjoy the direction that this is eventually going to go in, so yeah... Also, sorry to those who SI isn't their cup of tea. I personally like fanfics where people know future events in some way and use that knowledge to mess around with canon, though. As you could probably see, though, Kouki isn't your average boy. Beyond the SI, anyways. See ya next time!

[forgottenyear]

[no tw - under a cut for length - approx 1300 wds]

tl/dr: the other member’s reality appears to be unfiltered

--

Regarding the other member of our system, what is the nature of their reality?

Judging from the rare examples of them fronting, I think their reality may be less filtered than my own. If so, this could be the reason they went underground early – because of the boy’s impulsive tendency to blurt out the secret knowledge of an unfiltered view of reality, and then to be punished for doing so.

When we do supposedly impossible things, it is obvious that we are only exceeding the perceived limits of what is really possible.

I have often explained that I am not smart enough to know I should not be able to do a thing. This explanation is met with objections, but it is probably more real than anyone has understood. I trust the other member and I try not to interfere. All doubts and limits become silly after we have successfully done a thing. But we only do the thing because the other member saw that we could.

People have commented and appreciated that I have an unusual ability to see a problem for what it is, and to respond to it accordingly. The best advice I have given, I have only heard spoken possibly years later. It is usually advice that one’s first impulse would be to reject, but only because it contravenes the clutter of supposed reality.

--

I (we, as the previous system) took one word processing course, more years ago than I wish to admit directly. There were two consecutive courses in one because competing software obligated separate courses (the first was WordStar, which dominated the market at the time). But, to save money, there was a single exercise book used for both.

For a particular exercise, I spent hours trying to complete the task before I finally asked the instructor for help. He said that it should be obvious that I would need to skip this lesson because the lesson before could not be completed with the software. This resulted in a brief back and forth as he failed to understand that I had already completed the lesson before, and I just wanted to know how to complete the current lesson. Finally, he looked at my computer and saw that I had, indeed, completed the lesson before. He called in an instructor from across the hall, and they both considered what to do. Finally, they said I was on my own because I had already gone beyond what they understood to be possible.

This is usually where I end the anecdote. What follows, however, is that I gave up and did not complete the lesson.

When I did not know a lesson should be impossible, I successfully completed it. When I learned the next lesson was impossible, I gave up. Yes, I had already spent hours without success, but I often find that I need to set a task aside for a while before I can return to succeed – in this case I merely accepted what I was told, that it was impossible, and gave up.

--

In my career, I would regularly find flaws in worksite software. I would also find ways to use these flaws to the advantage of the adaptations I would create for clients. It was not unusual for a client’s coworkers to learn secrets to make their jobs easier, from me.

In games or competitions, however, this ability makes me unpopular.

People’s perceptions of games tend to limit their successes. Their perceptions can also be used tactically against them. But I also tend to misestimate the competition in disastrous ways.

I (we, as the previous system) was playing a friend’s video game once, and I asked them how they had solved a troublesome level. I was invited not to play their games anymore because in one day I had gone further than they had in months of play. (There was a flaw that allowed a patient player to loop through repeatedly and to accumulate lives in the process. With the ability to stay at a level until it is solved, without the need to work all the way back to the level before trying maybe only once again, the learning process for a game is sped up beyond the developer’s expectations. When the perception of impossibility is not reinforced by the ponderous result of each failure, the reality is that the puzzles are not so terribly complicated.)

But outside games and software, I had to make a trifold display for an honors course once. Given the quality of work I had seen in previous assignments (one student spontaneously gave a five-minute biography of an author, complete with exact dates and locations, in the place of an absent student and so for an author they had not been assigned beforehand – one student gave a biography of their assigned author, fully made-up and costumed as the author), I assumed I would need to step up my game to come close to the average for the class. My foamboard trifold had cyanotyped cloth covering with an incorporated photograph of the author and the titles, had an antiqued reproduction of the first page of the first printing, had multiple three-dimensional elements, was color coordinated using a software calculated color set, and had copper tape covering the edges to look like the border of an old picture frame. My trifold was displayed next to a bare corrugated cardboard trifold with full-sized sheets of black and white printed paper cellophane-taped to the face. I was embarrassed that I had gone so ridiculously too far.

--

The point is, I have no measure for what is possible or practical or reasonable when it comes to tasks. When I try to estimate, I historically miss the mark. I grossly overestimate or I grossly underestimate.

I do not want to be conspicuous. I just want to be normal. But I am really very bad at it.

Where is the defined measure for which reality I am supposed to use for my guide?

A friend once told me, years after I (we, as the previous system) made a television antenna for him and his roommates so they could watch football, that he had a grudge against me. That he made a great effort to convince people that he was the most intelligent person they knew, and then I took speaker wire from the garbage and taped it to a panel torn from a waste cardboard box and made a working antenna (a Yagi, measured for the specific station). I thought I was doing a good thing for them, but he harbored a grudge because I was so casually abnormal in a way he wanted to be.

The point is that I am abnormal. I am so obliviously abnormal that I do not realize until I have alienated myself from others. I do not want to alienate myself.

--

I tend to defer to the other member’s judgement. It is a matter of survival.

I think they often leave me to my own devices because this is also a matter of survival.

They live in an unfiltered reality. We would alienate ourselves entirely through their reality. We were punished for their reality.

[To record an important tangent: I have just put the father into the context of the antenna anecdote and some memories make more sense.]

But we also depend on their reality to solve puzzles/problems.

The choice of realities is less black-and-white than I first assumed.

I have chosen to accept, to internalize, exile from the family. Their reality is not necessary for my survival today. I can drop it safely.

But I need to distinguish between the family reality and general social reality. Social reality is still necessary for my well-being. I cannot just dump everything that is not unfiltered reality. Some filters must be retained.

Unfiltered reality, like many other things in life, can be toxic without moderation.

(I have a vague memory of reading once that depression is a result of too much unfiltered reality.)

[onisionhurtspeople]

Do you know what happened with him and his friend Cyr that used to be on his old videos a lot?

Why, yes! As a matter of fact, I do. 

Greg and Cyr have always had a bit of a rocky relationship (as Greg does with all of his “friends”) - it was very up and down, with the two of them fighting constantly and having dramatic, long, drawn-out arguments before blocking and ignoring one another, only to reconnect again a few months later. Frankly, I think it’s a miracle that Cyr managed to last this long, considering that Greg is so insufferable to be around that, at the age of 33, he literally does not have a single friend. Here’s one of their arguments from 2013 - clearly, this is a cycle in their friendship (induced mostly by Greg, if we’re being realistic):

Anyway, moving on. Let me set the scene.

Back around November of 2016, America was right in the thick of the presidential elections. With only a few more weeks left before Judgment Day voting day, the finish line was in sight, and we were in the home stretch of the campaign - and consequently, Greg’s Twitter posts were alight with activity, becoming increasingly more frenetic as he made multiple posts a day about how awful Trump was, how it was his duty as a feminist to vote for Clinton, how you’re probably a misogynist if you wouldn’t be willing to vote for her, musing aloud about whether or not he should run for president and what he would change if he did, aggressively calling out celebrities for not enthusiastically supporting Hillary Clinton (all of whom ignored him, of course), and so on. I’m sure you get the picture.

During this time period, Cyr announced on Twitter that he had decided to vote for a third party candidate (Jill Stein, if I recall correctly), explaining that he - like many other Americans - felt backed into a corner by being forced to choose between two politicians who did not represent his values or beliefs (a very reasonable viewpoint). He didn’t like either of them, and he didn’t feel comfortable being strong-armed into supporting a politician that he wasn’t enthusiastic about just because she wasn’t Trump, or because she was woman - he thought that the “lesser evil” argument that Democrats were using at the time to encourage people to vote for Clinton was a manipulative and morally bankrupt strategy, and he resented the DNC for so strongly lobbying in favor of a politician (Clinton) who was clearly not the people’s choice. The people wanted Bernie, and instead the DNC gave them Hillary. Therefore, he explained, he could not, and would not, support her on voting day.

Predictably, Onision went nuts. He was absolutely livid. Not only had somebody disagreed with him, but the person who had done it was Cyr, Onision’s only friend. How dare he exercise his right as an American to vote (or not vote) according to his values? From Greg’s point of view, the main problem wasn’t just that Cyr was refusing to vote for Clinton - it was really more about the fact that Cyr was refusing to vote for Clinton even though Greg had commanded him to. It was less about Cyr’s vote and more about his divergence from Greg’s stance, his direct and blatant refusal to mindlessly follow through with Greg’s expectations for his behavior. Immediately, Greg launched into a Twitter tirade directed at Cyr. He accused him of wanting Trump to win. He accused him of being a misogynist. He accused him of not caring about Mexicans, Muslims, or immigrants. He accused Dasha (his girlfriend) of brainwashing him. He then tried to emotionally manipulate him by pointing out everything that Greg had ever done for him (let him stay in his house rent-free, gave/bought him film equipment free of charge, flew him out to his house for collaborations, etc) in a blatant attempt to try and guilt trip him into feeling so indebted to Greg for his current level of fame, prosperity, and happiness that he would feel compelled to vote for Clinton in order to pay him back for everything he’d done for him. 

When that didn’t work (Cyr essentially responded by saying - in a much more tactful way than I would have, to be honest - that he was thankful to Greg for doing all of those things for him, but that he didn’t owe it to Greg to allow him to dictate all of his actions and opinions for the rest of his life just because he’d helped him out when he was at a low point in his life), Greg then switched tacks, and began just full-on initiating a smear campaign against Cyr (a very common strategy that he resorts to in order to curtail undesirable behavior in his friends and girlfriends). Calling him a liar, explaining in lurid detail every intimate thing that Cyr had ever told him about in confidence, etc - you know, the usual tactics that he uses his audience for when he’s trying to snap someone back in line. Abuse by proxy.

Anyway, after his rage-induced mania had burned itself out, Greg then blocked Cyr on Twitter after texting him one final time, and they haven’t spoken since. Their only “interaction” since then has been: a) Cyr finally spilling some of the details of his friendship with Onision in a podcast (I transcribed the most significant parts of it; I’ll include a link to that below), b) Cyr making a diss track about Onision (and Onision making one back, which was… honestly just unbelievably awful, low-quality and lazy), and c) Greg changing his mind again and trying to win back Cyr’s favor a few months ago, which Cyr roundly rejected (aka ignored, because Cyr is honestly an angel who has 1000x more patience and tact and tolerance than Onision does). After Cyr ignored Greg inching out his feelers to try and discern whether or not Cyr would be open to rekindling their friendship, Greg then theorized that the only reason why Cyr won’t talk to him anymore is because Dasha (Cyr’s girlfriend) was brainwashing him, and wouldn’t allow him to. Not because he tried to manipulate him, control him, insult him, emotionally blackmail him, put words in his mouth, accuse him of holding opinions that he doesn’t believe in, hold favors that he did for him over his head, spill his secrets all over social media, and (in his diss track) said that his girlfriend looked like a Russian prostitute; no, it was because Dasha was manipulating him. Typical narcissist and their alloplastic defenses. 

Anyway, so there’s the super unnecessarily long story about why Greg and Cyr don’t talk anymore that I absolutely could have summarized in one sentence or less (”Because Cyr wouldn’t vote for Hillary Clinton and Onision was mad”). Enjoy my tl;dr. 

Here’s a link to the video of Cyr opening up about his friendship with Onision: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlyyYzf4uis

Here’s a link to my transcription of all the relevant parts of that conversation (I skipped the parts of the interview that weren’t about Onision): 

https://onisionhurtspeople.tumblr.com/post/159847887879/who-says-he-has-to-leave-the-house-to-be-a-serial

Here’s a link to Cyr’s diss track of Onision: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCKop9qI4KE

And here’s a link to Onision’s diss track of Cyr (reposted on someone else’s YouTube account, because I believe that Greg ended up deleting it, OR it was a Patreon-online video): 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvUWpWi2DGE

Side note, but does anybody else find it incredibly ironic how much Greg hates Trump, given how eerily similar they are to one another? (They have relatively similar-ish MBTI types, too, aside from both being narcissists - Onision is ESTJ, Trump is ESTP.)

(Will I ever manage to answer a question without turning it into an essay? Who knows! Stay turned to find out!!!)

[semi-sketchy]

Sassy I'm a bit curious but feel free not to answer this question if you don't want too. Why do you think the webkinz fandom is so bad lately. I've probably had my head in the ground the whole time because I haven't seen anything that bad recently. I have seen bad things before on kinztube and kinztagram but what part of it recently is so bad. I'm only asking this to get a new perspective not to tell you you're wrong. you've known this community longer than I have.

Don’t worry, I understand what you’re saying. Curiosity and wanting to learn is a great thing and I’m always happy to help, so hopefully I can explain this well.

The Webkinz fandom isn’t just bad lately; it’s been for awhile. I touched on it slightly here, but I’ll go more in depth below.

I guess the simple TL;DR is that I have never seen a community more willing to put someone under the chopping block to “spread awareness” or simply to engage in callout culture. (I’ve reblogged a few things on callout culture if you wanna read them.) Now for the actual part that’s long.

WAIT. I said I understood and I didn’t. I thought you were asking just what’s wrong with the community and not just recent drama. I’ve already spent over an hour typing all this and only caught that proofreading it. It still stands for today, but recently, since I’ve basically said “bye not dealing with you” to everyone, I haven’t really seen any drama. I don’t watch KinzTube anymore, I don’t follow members of the community, so I’m not really the best one for this. It’s really past experiences that set my opinions, although from what I’ve heard, it hasn’t gotten better. Alright, back to the post, carry on.

Being on KinzTube 8 years, I’ve seen a lot of things. Trends, secrets, scandals, but I took it as normal. I figured “every fandom is this bad. This is normal” until I saw it wasn’t.

I’ve seen people go on about Starrystar33 saying how she was a mean person and no one should have looked up to her, their main point being that she said “please don’t use my name” even though that’s just the thing nearly everyone said back in 2010. People used to get very defensive and angry back in 2007 and 2008 when someone wanted to be queen or king of a Webkinz (for real though, people stopped caring in ‘09 and this isn’t a thing anymore. Everyone making rants like it’s still a thing…no. No one has cared about it in a decade.) I used to see videos saying “block this person!!” although now it’s gotten a lot dirtier.

See, the Webkinz community has stepped aside from yelling “Billy hurt me!!” and has turned instead to “I wish I could give you my pain just for one moment. Not to hurt you, but to make you understand how much you hurt me~ ♥” And people praise them. Praise them for posting an “inspirational quote” and “keeping drama out of this” when really, the person is going to read it. Their friends will show them. It will hurt like the dickens. And because the original poster is so highly praised, they’ll keep doing it. The fallout is public and everyone knows who the post is about, but because there’s no names mentioned, it’s taken as acceptable and keeping things “drama free” when really it’s just a dirty trick to hurt people. It gets even worse when someone asks “what’s this about?” and they answer “I’ll message you” and the talking behind others backs happen. It spreads from person to person in private as it travels through friend groups. Everyone slowly gets turned against the other party because it’s a lot easier to trust gossip from a friend and have it taint your views.

To someone on the outside that’s not tuned in, it looks harmless, but pay attention to the subtle details and you’ll begin to notice a pattern. To eat my own words a bit here, there was a video made about me awhile ago. I think it’s been taken down, but the user and I had a spat. My friend sent me the video saying “look what they did.” It was a video where a Webkinz that represented them pushed through the crowds, above all the haters, but took special time aside to push down and diminish a Signature Siamese Cat; a Webkinz I use to represent me. To others, it was about standing tall, to my friends and me, it was about them going out of their way to say “fuck you.”

Through the addiction to gossip, hatred is born. Unbeknownst to a user, an entire community can be turned against them. The amount of back-handed exchanges and how people thrive off of it is sickening. And it’s happened to me.

This isn’t even the end of it. One of the reasons I had to disable comments on my channel was because of Webkinz users overall being salty. When I got my third Signature Siberian Husky, Karma, the comment section was a bloodbath. About 4 people sounded genuine saying she was cute, the rest were passive aggressive “I want one” and “oh yay good for you I don’t have one” along with flat out “you’re so spoiled lord you already have two huskies and you had to buy a third and keep someone else from buying it!” I kind of wonder if that video is what sparked the KinzTube trend of making rants on getting doubles.

I was prepared for the messages and when I got Timber, my second Signature Timber Wolf, so I went on the offense. Flat out spewing what I had learned and seen. I made a full on rant that I still stand by. Webkinz fans are salty. If they didn’t have something and they deemed someone had something they wanted, that person was a devil and needed to be put in their place. If they disagree to give/sell it to you, they’re even worse. I was surprised when rather than getting hate messages, I actually got a few people praising me for speaking up. I’m far from the only one affected by this issue.

As I said in the video, I believe this is due to the general age range for Webkinz fans being 11 - 16, a tough time in life where they’re learning social skills. Hormones are raging and I believe this is the time when people are most self-conscious. Low self esteem paired with a community that has hate and gossip knocking on every door leads to a pack mentality, or how I see it, a mob mentality. A confusing and hard time when you’re so angry, anything can set you off. That rage is often directed at whoever is the most recent target, whoever your friends have told you about, who hurt someone you follow.

Not everyone will be like this, I’m speaking mainly from my own experience and what I’ve seen, not any studies or anything. I don’t fully blame them, I was in that exact spot a few years back, but it’s toxic and shouldn’t be normalized.

The worst part of this being normalized and just “something everyone does” is that some don’t grow out of it. I hate to be this way, but you need the punch in the face to realize and learn. No one can tell you social skills and you acquire them like moves in a video game; you have to learn through life the hard way.

I understand I’m highly biased here, but this has been my experience.Has there been good in the community? Of course. There’s also the “village idiot has the loudest voice” thing, so the bad are always more vocal than the good. You just gotta pick your battles and push through, that’s the only way you’ll make it in this community.

-Sassy

[genericappblrurl]

Hey there, I just had a question about your post on reddit. I was just finding it a bit difficult to differentiate from "waxing" and showing passion in an essay. Could you help me out or give an example or two? Thanks so much for the post by the way, I think it'll be really helpful! :)

Not sure which post you’re referring to, sorry! Any chance you could send me a link?

I’m guessing you’re referring to “waxing” as in “waxing poetic” or “waxing philosophical”? In college essays it’s super easy to do either, so forgive me if I’m wrong :’)

“Waxing” means getting progressively more and more something. So in the case of “waxing poetic,” it means your writing is getting more and more poetic as the piece progresses, and in the case of “waxing philosophical,” it means your writing is getting more and more philosophical. This alone can be totally fine, but the trap that many college applicants fall into is thinking that flowery language and/or large-scale conjectures will make them seem more impressive.

Consider the well-worn “I experienced a new culture and am now a Changed Person™” essay. First of all, don’t write this. It’s overdone and hard to do well. But for the sake of this post, let’s say you’re writing an essay like this. What I’ve seen time and time again in this type of essay is a combination of the following: 1) the author waxes poetic as they describe details of a foreign culture, and 2) the author waxes philosophical about the importance of understanding other cultures and having a broader worldview and concludes the essay with what they believe to be some profound moral. 

Now, it’s totally fine to appreciate another culture, and it’s great if your experience with another culture helped you grow as a person, but this isn’t the way to write about it. Waxing poetic in this context introduces an atmosphere of perceived exoticism; waxing philosophical pushes the essay away from personal experience and almost always comes off as pretentious and/or naive. Neither  But let’s say you’re genuinely passionate about your time and work abroad, and you think it shaped some part of who you are today. How do you handle that?

Instead of waxing philosophical, you have two options: either stick to your own personal experiences completely, or include philosophical elements within the context of your own narrative. Basically, talk about your thoughts with the acknowledgment that they are your thoughts rather than absolute truths. 

Consider:

“We need to be tolerant of cultures that differ from our own if we ever hope to achieve a sustainable global political environment.” (waxing)

vs

“So I confronted my bias. I looked myself in the mirror and said ‘hey, maybe you’re part of the problem.’” (personal experiences)

or

“I’m curious, now, about the role of cross-cultural misinformation in larger-scale political issues. How do misunderstandings like my own play out across communities, across continents?” (personal thoughts)

An admissions officer wants to know about you. This is no secret. They don’t want to learn about How To Achieve World Peace when they’re reading your essay; they want to learn why you deserve an acceptance letter. Pretty much the only reason people make generic, sweeping claims like the first example above (aside from having less access to quality college counseling!) is that they think they’re saying something profound. Maybe you do have something profound to say. But the admissions officer doesn’t care right now, and so the personal essay is not the place to do so.

TL;DR you can avoid sounding preachy or pretentious by talking about yourself rather than making sweeping statements.

Waxing poetic is less of a problem as long as you do it appropriately. Avoid excessive flowery language - more words doesn’t necessarily mean better writing - and be aware of how your use of a more poetic style in certain parts of the piece impacts how it comes across. Hint: read your writing aloud to yourself. This helps a bunch with cutting down the excessively flowery language and is even something professional writers do to work out problem spots in their pieces.

Hope this helped, and as always hmu if you have any more questions!

[oakmd]

professor oak’s rp plotting cheat-sheet!

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mod name: :v OOC Contact: Tumblr IM; but if we’re mutuals I’ll give you my discord! I have Skype too, but I don’t really use it much. 

WHO IS HE:

 Professor Oak is a renowned Pokémon Professor most notably known for his invention of the Pokédex, his Welcome To The World of Pokémon! lecture / documentary and his extensive research surrounding the relationships between pokémon and people. He’s a very recognizable icon in the pokéworld; it would be impossible not to know who he is. 

Alternatively, while he’s mostly known for being a scientist, he has wide recognition for his Pokémon poetry. He also does regular recordings with DJ Mary at Goldenrod Radio Tower. 

The Professor resides in Pallet Town, Kanto, in one of the world’s most impressive laboratory reserve - stretching across acres upon acres of land, built entirely to replicate all types of pokémon’s natural habitats and terrains. 

As a former pokémon trainer ( as well as Kanto Champion ), he has one grandson, Gary Oak, who is also former pokémon trainer, but is now currently on the path to becoming a Scientist himself, specializing in fossil revival.

Points of interest:

My portrayal of Professor Oak is mostly anime-based. This means I do not consider game function as canon or as character trait (ex. Professor Oak forgetting his grandson’s name. I have heard this joke enough to last me a lifetime, please Don’t™.) However, I include some elements of the manga/game, I guess, but usually only to fill in the many gaps untouched in the anime. With that being said, Green / Blue / Red and even Daisy do not exist. I have exceptions of interactions with some people, but it does not fall under my Main Canon and is more of some weird, blended AU, lol. 

Professor Oak is a 50+ year old man. On top of that, a parent and a grandparent. Because of this, most of the time ( not always ) he will naturally be more intuitive and perceptive to situations than a younger muse might be. He has had many, many life experiences to draw from that he applies to current context; empathizing and offering advice comes easy. With that being said, please communicate with me if I’ve crossed a line with this; I won’t take offense!

Professor Oak has interacted with legendary Pokémon. See: Celebi, ft. Suicune. Professor Oak is not immune to... strange occurrences. He’s interacted with the legendary pokémon Celebi ( and Suicune ) when he was a young boy. However, I portray this muse as someone that has seen much more ( of the unexplainable, not necessarily legendaries ), yet appreciates them within the comfort of his own privacy. 

Professor Oak has very high public status! While the man certainly lives his life as a regular person, his life is anything but. Hailing from Kanto and living peacefully in Pallet Town, Samuel’s demeanor is very humble, but his Net Worth is one of the highest, given his important influence, multi-faceted popularity and on-going relevancy among the citizens of the poké-universe. It goes without saying that he has made some of the most important contributions to the field of science and world of pokémon, but he is also sort of a pop culture “idol”. His name is attached to hundreds of awards, recognitions, lifetime achievements, entertainment achievements. Whatever there is to do, Professor Oak does it all: Scientist, Writer, Artist, Humanitarian, Pokémon Professor, TV Host, Radio Host, University Lecturer, Motivational Speaker, Activist, League Advisor, Parent. There is nothing he won’t dive into if it’s for the greater good.  List of Awards: here. 

What they’ve been up to recently:

*POST-CANON. Same ol’, same ol’. Professor Oak has many years left in him yet! You can still find him on his happy little hill in Pallet Town doing what he does best: giving trainers their starters, and babysitting those same 9482536 kids under his care. Including, but not limited to all the 3948357927682294 pokémon he and - everyone’s favorite personal assistant son - Tracey Sketchit share responsibility for. His life will pretty much be the same, as it has been; the perks of being old and well-adjusted.  *I use ‘post canon’ loosely. My default timeline is ongoing with the show itself, but since time never seems to progress, I’ve taken it upon myself to lazily assume some years have passed since S1E1 ( hence why I say Oak is 50+ rather than actually 50 ). 

MULTI-VERSE. If you are a non-pokémon muse, Professor Oak will happily accept that you’re simply not someone from his universe. As mentioned above, stranger things have happened to him. Because of his own experiences, he’s very open-minded about the possibilities the universe has up it’s sleeve. I like to think of his corral and his lab are portal spots for the unknown to materialize. Maybe a point deep in the mountain and forest terrain. Or perhaps from the forest ( between Kanto and Johto ) where Celebi dwells. This concept isn’t necessary to follow for the multi-verse, just a suggestion! TL;DR Let Professor Oak be your away-from-home grandpa, he has lots of Experience™.

Where to find them:

DEFAULT VERSE. There are a lot of places to find the ever-active Professor Oak. However, the top three most common places are: his research lab ( corral included ) in Pallet Town, Kanto, Goldenrod Radio Tower, and Celadon University. Because he is so famous, he can be anywhere, though. Whether it’s doing charity work, raising awareness, doing lectures, being a guest at internships, working with media across regions, visiting other pokémon professors, being on a much needed vacation, traveling for work. Pretty much, wherever your muse is, I can find a reason for Professor Oak to be there. 

POST-COLLEGE. I don’t actually have a ‘verse’ for this but it takes place shortly after Samuel finishes grad school and takes position as Kanto’s Pokémon Professor. He’s the first one to reside in Pallet Town. The lab itself is still under renovation; he’s moved back home after being away for years at school, and still trying to mourn the loss of his fiancé. He’s a single father, struggling to balance work and parenthood, but he gets by. ( Further down this timeline, about thirteen years later, he suffers the loss of his children, and becomes the guardian of his grandson, Gary Oak. )

To find Professor Oak is the other ‘verses’ from the Offered / Desired sections, just ask. 

Current plans:

Keeping busy. Professor Oak is a very goal-oriented person and although he finds relaxation necessary, he also prefers to be active. His hands are always full running the biggest pokémon lab, but he’s always throwing himself into new projects of all kinds of varieties.

Travel and meet new people. Ever the social butterfly, the Professor is always welcoming new faces to his growing list of companions. Although his reasons for traveling are no longer for becoming a Pokémon Champion, he finds that there are plenty of things he hadn’t quite noticed or appreciated before. It’s interesting to see how some things have changed, and for others, how they’ve stayed the same. It’s all for business purposes of course ( mostly ), but coming full circle provides closure for memories he’d only reminisced about for years after he graduated from college. 

Supporting Gary. As his grandson begins his journey in the field of science, Professor Oak prioritizes helping him adjust and giving him the support he needs.

Otherwise, the plans depend on what your muse brings. :O

Desired interactions:

Retired Oak! Literally everything is the same except he’s wearing tropical shirts and jorts. B^) Alola cruise, anyone?

Alzheimer’s Oak! LISTEN, I KNOW.. ... .. Game-mechanic jokes aside, lmao - I have no real excuse. It just hurts so good. ;^(

Grandpa Oak. I’m sure raising Gary and Ash was nothing but and Experience™.

TRACEY. MY PURE ASSISTANT SON -

College. What goes on in college, stays in college. College timeline: here.

Celebi, Again! Starring... Professor Oak! B^) Swapped into the body of his younger self. How does he fix this? Calamity ensues.

Dr. Fuji, Who? No, Professor Oak isn’t part of Team Rocket but he did get roped into helping them create MewTwo with the desperate attempt to also bring his family back to life. Did I rip that from Dr. Fuji? Yes I did, and I don’t care, let me live -

Team Rocket? Or, alternatively, he does work for Team Rocket with this ridiculous concept that he was blackmailed into working for them post-grad because of his unremarkable intelligence and promise. While his public face is the friendly Professor Oak everyone knows and loves, his lab holds darker secrets, the darkest being that he could no loner resist their persistence in making him comply, after they staged his children’s death as an innocent car accident. : ) ... Anyway, 

Persistent Press. Be annoying and invasive. Start scandals. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Unrequited. Get rejected by the notorious man himself. He will be gentle.

Agatha. How dare you,

CROSSOVERS!!!

Offered interactions:

Are you a Pokémon Trainer™ or some other kind of pokémon-specializing person ( pokémon watcher, photographer, breeder, ranger, etc. )? Ring up your Professor when Officer Jenny arrests you for something he told you not to do in the first place so he can judge you with a proper scolding. For the others, show him your talents and skills! If you’re not a Kanto Trainer, I’m sure one of the other Professors can send you his way, either to drop something off / pick something up / for general help, etc. and he’s always excited to meet his colleagues’ kiddos. Also excited to see others contribute to the world of pokémon in some way! He loves pokémon and humans interacting! 

Are you a Pokémon Professor? Doctor, Nurse? Let’s gather ‘round and be stressed about Ash our reckless trainers. But also drinking and karaoke! Pokémon Discourse™. Camping retreats. Boring, obligatory conferences. Peer Review. Or maybe you just need a little advice from one of the pokéworlds more experienced Professors! Unless you’re Professor Rowan - in that case you’re BFFs that get into shenanigans nobody would ever believe. 

Are you a Science Major? Limited internships available for college students.

Do you live in Pallet Town? Hi, neighbor! B^) Professor Oak ( and Tracey ) most likely talk to you in passing, should it occur. ( Please message me about pre-established relationships first. ) Common places include, the mart, post office, movie theaters, etc.

Summer Camp? Boom, Professor Oak has summer camp for the kiddos at his corral. 

Are you a big idolizer of Professor Oak? Lucky for you, there’s more than one way to be a fan! You can reach him via fanmail, @’ing him on social media, finding his personal phone number from some sketchy fan forum, hogging up the radio show hotline, stalking his schedule to make each appearance panel, hovering outside around his lab, stealing candid photos, bombarding him in public with intrusive questions, shoving your notepad out for an autograph... You can even be one of those weird people who try to proclaim your love to ‘celebrities’ too old for you that you know little about. Who knows what this poor man will do?

Are you into Traditional Kanto / Johto? You may share the same passions if you’re into calligraphy, ikebana, haiku, tea ceremonies, etc. 

Are you a Celadon University Student? Feel free to talk to your Intro To Pokémon ( or Pokémon Sociology 101, etc. ) Professor about anything unclear about assignments, to offer questions or concerns... or try to make excuses for not turning in homework and being late, you lazy student. :T Doubles as an Unofficial Guidance Counselor to said students even though that’s not his job - but he can’t help it, he’s a parent before he’s a Professor.

Are you a child associated with Make-A-Wish Foundation? Professor Oak offers terminally-ill children the opportunity to choose their starters, and spend time with their favorite idol. : (

Are you affiliated with the media? All press can inquire about guest speakings, giveaways, promotions, advertisement deals, interviews, volunteer work, hosting/co-hosting, etc. and Professor Oak will get back to you at his earliest convenience. This INCLUDES those working at Goldenrod Radio Tower!

Are you a business person? Politician? High-Profile Celebrity / Figure? Meet Professor Oak at a Gala! Or any other formal event. Feel free to offer business negotiations, inquire about his residence, or other sketchy things. :v 

Are you affiliated with Kanto’s Pokémon League? Albeit not as recently involved as per usual, he’s an advisor, so he and your muse are at least associates, if not more.

Are you one of the developers that helped with the Pokédex? Nerds will be nerds.

Do you know Samuel from his days prior to being Professor Oak? Whether it be from childhood, training days, or college, they all matter. ( I’m aware this is highly unlikely because nobody RP’s old pokémon muses, but with that being said, I’m open to interacting with kids / grandkids of the aforementioned. )

Are you Team Rocket a villain? Have you reached your Kidnap-A-Scientist quota today? 

Current open post/s:

I had very few, but I’m too lazy to look for them. Plotting is probably better. /gestures to this post

Anything else?:

Threading is not limited to this list. I’m always open to more ideas!  

I’m not sure what the huge difference is between the Desired / Offered interactions -

You don’t need a pokémon verse to interact with me! 

Your muse does not need to idolize Professor Oak to interact with him.

CROSSOVERS.

Tagged by: i stole this from @undinaes

Tagging: Whoever sees this!