#but i have the sense to know i dont need to transition i just need to work that much harder and find other ways to get what i want

[redheadedfailgirl]

From 'Dream of a woman' By Cacey Plett.

This sums up exactly how I feel about most transition timelines. As much as they reflect people's experiences, they are also a narrative. And the narratives that get shared the most tell a lot about what our values are. The timelines that get the most attention are the ones where people go from sad, loser, nothing boys into beautiful women.

But if you go to /r/transitiontimelines or a similar place, and sort by controversial or look at what has the least likes, its people who made timelines when they still don't 'pass' yet. Even if they're happy as can be, that's not what people are looking for.

I think it says a lot about what people expect from trans women, that they only want to see us be beautiful. In some cases, that they want to believe they can be beautiful. So there is no value in trans life if you're not beautiful.

[celestialmancer]

Starting to realize that the thing I’ve long been sensing may possibly happen during my Saturn return… Is now far more likely an actual possibility that may unfold than I initially imagined, & not sure how to feel about that.

[comet-wire]

Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿

Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿

[transzilla]

Personally i've been obsessed with scary, female and feminine phallic energy actually. Like I transitioned to male thinking I could take some of that  male power for myself, and whew jesus christ some of the shit I saw... For me womanhood has been used against me as a bludgeoning weapon but Never could I have imagined how femaleness and femininity could be used for incredible power and dominance. Both by women and feminine men. So much for harmless soft feminine energy. That's ftm rapists and abusers trying to make themselves seem soft and like women so people can't believe they could ever hurt someone. That's people using femininity and softness to control me, make me wear dresses so I'd minimize my legs and stop moving, poison all joy i could have possibly gotten from being a woman so I can't even hear my own name without flinching. That's other fucking trans men trying to lie and mislead and make me seem transfem within the lgbt community to villainize me. That's multiple of my stepmothers coming into my home, literally in evil phallic man style like in all the pretentious lit analysis, and taking all refuge and safety of my family from me. And not only for evil, like that's "playing the woman card" to get out of speeding tickets. That's trans women pioneering drag and finding ways to learn and adapt and exist in a world that seems to betray you no matter where you go, taking psychedelics and smoking mad weed and becoming incredible musicians and programmers, finding ways to be comfortable and thrive and be beautiful as a woman, like that takes incredible fucking strength that I'd say a lot of cis people don't have in them. That's hiding behind the moronic brute force of men, that's sheer resourcefulness and ambition finding and reclaiming your own power in a world that fixed to take it from you. Like goddamn.

[gibbearish]

hi i’m not really sure how to do this but i came from your uquiz and you seem knowledgeable and nice and so i’m asking you a question now i’m sorry

uhm, so, i think i maybe might be trans (ftm) because i’m super dysphoric and i sometimes look at guys and i get really jealous because they just get to, like, exist like that (i’m not really sure what the “that” is, but god, do i want it) and i very much don’t and when i refer to myself using he/him pronouns in my head it feels, uhm, at the risk of being a cliche, right, i guess.

but the thing is that i don’t really fit into any of the stereotypical trans guy things. like a lot of my friends when i was little were girls and though i have some stereotypically masculine hobbies (sports and physics) i also sew, and when i was little i was obsessed with being a princess for like a month before i started refusing to wear dresses.

i don’t think i’m non-binary, i tried using they/them pronouns this summer and while they didn’t actively hurt like she does, they didn’t really feel right.

so, like, am i lying to myself? i don’t know, maybe i just want to be special (i don’t want it, though, if i could just be happy as a girl i would).

sorry i just unloaded half an essay on you you obviously don’t have to reply and i know you’re probably not qualified to answer anyway, i just needed to tell someone, you know?

anyways, i hope you’re having a nice night or day or whatever. thank you, for, like, existing on the internet i guess. your quiz was very nice. bye.

howdy anon! dw i am always glad to answer questions abt this stuff even tho it make take me a while lol

my best advice for situations like this is i know its easy but don't let yourself get caught up in the trap of "well this is the label that makes me feel best but i dont technically check off every single box for it so am i just lying?" people arent video game quests, you dont have to hit every single box for it to count, youre allowed to have stuff fall outside the technical definition of a term while still calling yourself it. im very similar to you, i was in tap and ballet growing up, wore dresses and makeup for most of highschool, sewing crocheting knitting the whole shebang. but the important part is that none of those things make a difference to your identity. knowing how to sew doesnt make you a girl, it can just make you a guy who knows how to sew. its a thing you do, not who you are.

all that being said, i think another helpful angle to look at things is "does the distinction between two similar labels actually make a difference to me?" using myself as an example again, i dont call myself a trans man because while i do prefer presenting masculine, for some reason the term 'man' just doesnt feel right for me. but at the same time, to the rest of the world that's functionally what i am, right? so does that change /who/ i am? no. so for me personally, ive deliberately chosen not to file myself into either "trans man" or "nonbinary" and just move on with my day, because to me it doesnt actually make a difference which one i am, im still gonna stay on t, i still want top surgery, i still want to be perceived masculine, and thats not gonna change no matter what name is on the box so who gives a shit. just do what makes you happy

[malewifesband]

sure you can do what you want with your trans headcanons but dont you want to explore the themes of the work. dont you want to see characters who actually have experiences like yours be the ones who are like you. laios' experience is simply not a transmasculine one, but it is a very, very transfeminine one

laios feels rejected by other men, bullied relentlessly by then as a child in all-male settings, and seems to feel safer with women BUT also feels innately like a predator around them (always keeping physical distance, terrified that others would even THINK he was attracted to marcille). he does everything in his power to seem safer and smaller and models much of his body language after like cute girls (i dont have the panel on hand, but the way he plays with the rim of his plate and then shyly looks up while pouting his lip when asking marcille if she wanted to stay on the island instead of go to jail is one example, but theres a lot. a lot.). hes envious of and idolizes his sister, sees her as more deserving of life than him. all these themes together are a very transfeminine themed character: the desire to become a monster (and even more his desire to become a dog) speaks to a desire to shed more his manhood than humanity outright. being a man specifically seems to limit him

there are a number of characters with more transmaculine themes. senshis desire to be a man in his own way, without the need for 'iron in his veins' (also very gay). chilchucks (and all halffoots) adoption of toxic masculine traits in order to 'pass' as a grown man when people refuse to see him as such, despite the damage it does to himself and to the women he loves. Kabrus feeling that he's just his foster mother's doll + the thing where a little girl who looks just like him sees the dungeon opening. falins tendency to go with whatever others want for her until she is fused with a (male) dragon and suddenly finding that she knows what she wants and is willing to assert herself to get it. lycions whole allegorical transition and the very firm assertion that he is a man in the adventurers bible despite being quite manly for an elf already. izutsumi reads the same both transmaculinely and transfemininely. otta, tbh. wont get into that one.

laios i think only makes sense as a transfeminine character

[miumura]

BITE ME — SUNGHOON ONESHOT

SYNOPSIS : Throughout history, it has been a common practice for vampires to select unsuspecting individuals from the streets as a source of food, feasting not only on their blood but also on their fear. Sunghoon, accustomed to encountering terrified individuals, found it unusual to come across someone devoid of terror in their eyes—until he met you. Not being in the right state of mind, you had requested him to bite you instead. This unexpected request stirred a peculiar warmth in Sunghoon's pale cheeks, deviating from his usual routine of draining all of one's blood.

— when a supposed feast turns into an surprising attraction.

PAIRING : vampire!sunghoon x fem!reader

GENRE : fantasy, vampire au, strangers to lovers

WARNINGS : mentions of blood, biting, kidnapping, marks on body, mentions of food, cursing, mentions of toxic parents, abandonment, lmk if there’s any more!

FEATURING : all of enhypen

WORD COUNT : 15.7K+ (15722)

SOPH : its here its here!!! def the longest fic i’ve ever wrote 😭 . god this fic will be a ROLLER COASTER i swear (me saying that as roller coaster by txt is playing). i gen had so much fun writing this fic and i was so immersed in writing 😭 this is my first time writing a vampire au so i think its pretty okay for a first timer 🙏 posted a teaser of this and FINALLY finished it sooo thats great 😊 anyways, i hope you enjoy this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it <3

thank you for my wonderful mooties who read / seen some parts of the fic, your help + comments were great <3 + esp @flwoie , who proofread the whole thing that made their grammar checker crash MANY times … love you 😊🩷

also tysm for 1.5K+ :( <3 i can never be more grateful for all of you guys to keep little tabs on my works so thank you <3 i guess you say this is dedicated for it since i dont have an event planned out for it sooo <3!

ONE — desire for blood

The moon held high in the night sky, casting an eerie glow over the deserted streets. Sunghoon quickened his pace, brushing against the tall trees that stood before him. Seeking respite, he sought out an empty clearing, settling upon a rugged rock, a faint groan escaping his lips as a throbbing ache pulsated in his head. The change in his eye color served a reminder that he needed to find something, a person whose blood he could consume.

“Jay, I’m going to murder you.” he muttered under his breath, stealing a glance at the night sky. Jay had left him to venture alone, an attempt to foster his independence. “I better find someone, fast.” Renewed determination surged through him as he rose from the rock, relying on his heightened senses and supernatural swiftness to locate his prey.

It was difficult to find someone out in the dark, anyone would know better not to walk alone at night. Especially near the forests, near the vampire’s homes. Yet, there were always those foolish souls who remained oblivious to the dangers, dismissing the existence of the immortal creatures. This was the only time Sunghoon wished for a person just like that to appear in front of his eyes.

Moving with an otherworldly grace, Sunghoon's senses sharpened, propelling him forward with astonishing speed as the scent grew stronger. His swift strides covered considerable ground within mere seconds, until his gaze settled upon a woman strolling along the trail adjacent to the forest—an unwitting offering destined to be his meal for the night.

Focusing on his thoughts, he quickly tapped into the energy that coursed through his immortal veins. Gradually, his body began to shimmer, as if fading from the mortal realm. His transition was complete, and Sunghoon found himself invisible, taking swift steps toward his victim.

Unaware of the danger, his target continued along her path, oblivious to the invisible presence stalking her. Sunghoon positioned himself behind you, mere inches away, his concealed form ready to strike. A muffled scream escaped your lips, stifled by his own hand.

Frantically attempting to break free, her resistance waned, her body growing limp in his firm grasp. A smirk tugged at Sunghoon's lips as his elongated fangs became visible, a sinister transformation hinting at his insatiable thirst. Another night, another feast secured. Without delay, he took her away to his old castle, where he would drain every drop of blood from his new victim.

TWO — bite me

Upon entering the castle, Sunghoon was greeted by a bustling scene that filled the halls. His eyes landed on Jay, lounging in a chair and casually holding a wine glass filled with blood. Jay's legs rested nonchalantly on Sunghoon's cherished table, an act that irked him.

"You're back?" Jay chuckled, wiping the traces of blood from his mouth. Sitting up straight, he placed the glass down and met Sunghoon's gaze. "How did it go?"

"It went fine, but once I finish my meal, I'm going to make sure you regret leaving me alone," Sunghoon retorted, his tone laced with a simmering threat.

"Oh, come on—wait, you brought your meal home? I thought you were planning on disposing of that body," Jay remarked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

"Yeah, well, Jake does this all the time," Sunghoon replied dismissively, his impatience growing.

"That's true. Well, you better hurry. I can sense that the girl is about to regain consciousness," Jay advised, a mischievous smirk playing on his lips.

"I'm on it. And please refrain from putting your feet on my table. I had it custom made for a reason," Sunghoon grumbled, annoyance evident in his voice.

"I can't make any promises," Jay retorted with a smirk, reclaiming his drink. Sunghoon rolled his eyes in exasperation before walking up the spiral staircase. He showed no signs of struggle as he made his way to his room.

Arriving at a door emblazoned with his name, Sunghoon pushed it open, revealing a room adorned with eerie decor. He carefully placed you in front of his ornate chair, a seat that had witnessed countless victims before their deaths.

Adjusting the leather straps to your wrists, he makes sure it’s difficult for you to break free. Settling into his seat, he positioned himself directly in front of you, patiently awaiting your return to consciousness. It didn't take long for the groan that signaled your awakening to reach his ears.

As you struggled to open your eyes, the world appeared hazy and disorienting. Blinking repeatedly, you attempted to discern the figure before you, but the blurriness persisted. Your hand instinctively moved to rub your eyes, only to discover the confinement of the restraints. Panic surged through your veins—were you being held captive?

"You're finally awake?" His voice resonated, sending shivers down your spine in a way no ordinary human's voice ever had. Gradually, your vision cleared, revealing a man seated across from you. His dark brown hair fell messily across his forehead, while he wore a black cloak, a suit adorned with ornate gold gems, and a partially unbuttoned white shirt, hinting at an air of elegance mingled with darkness.

Taking off his cloak, he makes eye contact with you again, and you get a gulp of fear. A smirk played on his lips, his sharpened fangs now fully visible, confirming your worst suspicions—he was a vampire. Your heart raced, with fear coursing through your veins with increasing intensity. Fuck, they were actually real. You were certainly not dreaming.

"Your fear only enhances your scent. Only makes it smell sweeter and irresistible for vampires like me." He remarked, rising from his seat, his senses captivated by the intoxicating aroma that came from you. Rare and special, your scent beckoned to him, captivating his vampiric instincts. Grateful that Jay's hunger hadn't pushed him to steal his meal in mere moments, Sunghoon savored the anticipation.

“You'd better calm that racing heart of yours before I lose control," he warned, his frigid breath grazing your neck as he leaned in closer to deliver his message. Inhaling deeply, you tried to steady your breathing, attempting to stop the pounding beats that echoed within your chest. Sunghoon emitted a low chuckle, surprised at how obedient humans could become when vulnerable to the supernatural allure of his presence.

Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued as he observed your lack of response. Returning to his seat, he locked eyes with you once again, awaiting your words with an air of anticipation. Yet silence hung heavily in the room; words didn’t seem to escape easily from your mouth.

“You know, I’m not very patient,” he hissed softly, dissatisfied with the lingering quiet that filled his large room. “Don’t think you have any chance of making it out here alive. Just spit it out already.” Crossing his legs, he reached for the golden wine glass, tapping his sharp nails against the delicate surface, his gaze never leaving yours.

Caught off guard by the pressure, panic slipped past your lips, the words tumbling out before you could fully comprehend their weight. ‘Just….bite me.” The room fell into an eerie silence, granting you a moment to process what you had just said. Regret mingled as you realized the significance of what you had uttered.

“Well, that’s certainly unexpected,” Sunghoon responded, a mixture of bewilderment and intrigue flashing across his eyes. He sets the golden cup down, unable to form words himself. The request to be bitten, especially after learning his true nature as a vampire, was entirely new to him. It sparked a strange sensation within his being, a feeling he couldn’t quite decipher. Do humans also feel these kinds of emotions?

“You’re definitely a weird one,” Sunghoon remarked, still feeling flustered by your unconventional response.

“What do you mean?” you questioned, pretty oblivious to the whole situation.

“Most people wouldn’t dare ask a vampire to bite them, especially after their lives are on the line. It takes away the thrill of the feast,” he explained, a faint smile playing on his lips.

“Wait, so you vampires feed off fear too?” you inquired, attempting to make sense of the earlier statement.

“That’s a bit rude of you to address us that way.” A small frown forms on his face. “But, of course,” he replied, amusement evident in his tone, “that’s why I told you to claim your racing heart. Fear tends to make it beat even faster.”

“Well, guess what? I am scared right now,” you retorted, defiance lacing your words. “But you can just take a small amount of blood—definitely not all of it, I swear. And don’t forget, I’ll fight back if you push too far.”

Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, his amusement turning into a more serious demeanor. “Bold words from a mere weakling. Don’t forget who holds the power of a vampire here.”

“Don’t forget, you’re basically glued to that seat.” He taps on the arm rests of his chair, signaling the leather straps that restrain your hands from moving anywhere.

“Whatever,” you dismissed, frustration tainting your voice. “Are you going to bite me or not? I just want to get out of here, even though I have nowhere to go.”

A flicker of warning passed through Sunghoon's eyes as he leaned in closer. "Don't test my patience. You have no idea what I'm capable of."

Maintaining a strong gaze, Sunghoon straightened his posture, his eyes locking with yours. His tongue briefly flicked over his lips, causing his sharp fangs to show once more. “Do you really mean that?” he inquired, his voice laced with a mix of curiosity and hunger.

Nervously, you swallowed hard, offering a slow nod in response, Closing your eyes, you braced yourself, knowing his approach would come closer. The sound of his approaching footsteps echoed in your ears, heightening your fear. Your breath got caught in your throat as his breath brushed against your skin, signaling the upcoming bite. “The pain will be bearable. Just let me know when to stop, and I’ll stop,” he assured you.

“Really?” you stammered, your voice trembling, to which Sunghoon responded with a chuckle. “Vampires have self-control too, you know.”

With the warning given, his teeth easily punctured your neck, and to your surprise, the pain seemed to be more manageable than you thought. He proceeded to drink your blood, causing your head to grow dizzy as if he were sucking all your blood. “Stop,” you groaned, feeling the need to stop the dizziness.

Sunghoon withdrew his teeth, his mouth and fangs were stained with your blood. He was disappointed about how short you lasted, but your blood was great—the best he had in a while. It was sort of addicting; he couldn’t explain the taste. “Barely lasted two minutes. You truly are a weakling,” he snickered, wiping the blood from his chin.

"Shut up," you retorted, the remnants of your strength pushing you to respond. "Could you release my hands now? I promise I won't attempt to escape." You were desperate to remove the restraints being placed on your hands; you felt them becoming sore.

“Oh right,” he replied, walking over to free your hands effortlessly. As the restraints were finally removed, you let out a sigh of relief, feeling the soreness and observing the red marks left behind on your wrists. Instinctively, you tilted your head, your fingers gently making their way to the two puncture wounds near your neck. A hiss escaped your lips as pain radiated from the fresh marks.

“It should heal on its own soon, unless you’d prefer me to heal it immediately,” Sunghoon offered, his gaze focused on your every move. Curiosity tugged at his features as he awaited your response. “And how would you heal it?” you questioned, wary yet curious about his suggestion.

“Well, if you’re comfortable with me licking it–”

“I’ve heard enough,” you interjected, cutting him off. “I’ll pass—I’d be fine with some ointment or bandages.”

“Suit yourself. I’ll fetch something downstairs,” he stated, rising from his seat and adjusting the sleeves of his jacket. “Don’t even try to leave; we have matters to discuss later. And remember, there are other vampires roaming around here who won’t show you the same mercy I did. It would be wise of you to keep that in mind.” With those words of caution, he walked towards the room’s entrance and left after receiving your assurance,

Once again, you found yourself with nowhere else to go. And you definitely did not want to face any more bloodthirsty beings; one was definitely enough. However, an unsettling feeling gnawed at your stomach, and you tried to brush it aside by distracting your thoughts.

As you looked around, the weird atmosphere of the place suddenly became more noticeable, leaving you shuddering that you had only just noticed it.

THREE — keeping a secret

Leaving you to deal with your thoughts, Sunghoon ran down the stairs and made his way through the kitchen, determined to locate a first aid kit. As he rummaged through the cupboards, a voice suddenly disrupted his search, causing him to startle in fright. Jake, wearing a mischievous smirk, held a large cup of blood in his hand.

“God, don’t do that,” Sunghoon chastised, his heart still racing from the surprise.

“You haven’t had a good scare in a while, did you?” Jake chuckled, clearly amused by his reaction.

“Whatever. Do you happen to know where the first-aid kit is? I live here, yet I have no idea where things are kept.” Sunghoon said in annoyance, still looking in the cabinets.

“Why do you need it? You don’t seem to be injured.”

“I just want to have one in my room. I’m tired of coming down here every time I need something.”

“Ah, the life of a loner. That’s probably why Jay made you hunt for your own food—to get you out of your room. And you never leave that area.” Jake teased.

“And you never stop talking. Blood is all over your mouth; don’t embarrass yourself and wipe it.” Jake took Sunghoon’s remarks in stride. He wiped the blood from his mouth as instructed, unfazed by the insult. “The first aid kit is in that cabinet over there, second row.”

“Thanks. By the way, where’s Jay?” Sunghoon asked.

“Probably in the dining room. Why do you ask?” Jake responded.

“I need some more food.”

“Feast wasn’t enough today?”

“Not that. It was too good, and now I crave for more.”

“You should have shared; it must have been good if you say so,” Jake remarked playfully.

"Whatever. See you later. And make sure you clean up your mess. We don't need any more corpses lying around randomly," Sunghoon cautioned.

"Aye, aye, captain," Jake retorted, giving a mock salute.

After leaving Jake behind, Sunghoon continued his search for Jay and found him in the dining room, indulging in another feast. The woman’s screeches were so loud that it was possible to hear them outside of the castle.

“Oh god, not in open daylight.” Sunghoon pretended to cover his eyes, not wanting to see one of his brothers attack a person who's still alive. “We’re vampires, there’s no sunlight— ”

"Take a joke, will you? You're worse than Jake sometimes." Jay laughed, finding amusement in Sunghoon's reaction.

"Chill out, would you? No wonder the others tease you so much," Jay shot back, grabbing a cloth to wipe his mouth as he glanced at Sunghoon.

"Do you need anything?" Jay asked, curious to know what Sunghoon wanted.

"Yeah, do you have any blood packets?" Sunghoon inquired.

"Again? I told you to hunt for something fresh. Why settle for a packet?"

"You saw me carrying someone earlier. I guess that wasn't enough?"

"You need to hunt with me next time. You're not very good at it," Jay remarked.

"Says the person who needs at least five people to feel satisfied with their hunger," Sunghoon countered.

"Shut up. Anyway, you can take that one," Jay pointed to a person sitting in the room without moving. "He's under the influence of sleeping pills. He won't wake up for about eight hours."

"Well, it's certainly better than nothing," Sunghoon responded.

"Are you kidding? That one is blood type AB, the best kind you could get. You should be thankful," Jay emphasized.

Without further ado, Sunghoon sank his teeth into the guy's neck. The person's face grew pale, and their heart gradually slowed until it ceased to beat.

"You were right; that was the best kind," Sunghoon stated, satisfied with his meal. Though, it wasn’t better than yours.

"And you sure were starving. You owe me," Jay reminded him.

"Whatever. I'll just ask one of the guys to hunt someone like that for you," Sunghoon teased.

"You better keep your promise," Jay warned.

"I can't make any promises," Sunghoon mocked Jay, leaving the dining room and making his way back to his room. Jay laughed once more, sinking his teeth into the woman again.

Perhaps he would find a way to make you pay for making him come down here to face two of his annoying siblings.

FOUR — sealing the deal

After what seemed like hours, Sunghoon didn't take that long to come back to his room. I guess he is pretty attached to his own room. Meanwhile, you remained seated, growing increasingly bored as time dragged on. As he closed the door behind him, Sunghoon spoke up, breaking the silence.

“I’m back. Have you noticed any improvement in the healing of your wounds?” he asked. You emitted a soft hum in response, acknowledging the progress. Brushing your fingers over the scabs, you could feel the rough texture of the forming scars.

“Though they’re drying up, I still wouldn’t mind some ointment. And, of course, bandages, of any kind, really,” you requested. Sunghoon surprised you by offering his assistance and asking for your consent. It was a rare display of kindness from him. "Sure," you mumbled, feeling a warm flush on your cheeks. Pushing aside the unfamiliar feeling, you tilted your head towards Sunghoon, allowing him to take care of your wounds.

Sunghoon approached you, and a slightly surprised expression appeared on his face because of your agreement. He brought a chair and placed it closer to you, taking a seat. He moved closer, carefully examining the wounds on your neck. After looking at them, he reached for the first-aid kit he had brought from the kitchen.

Opening the kit, he took out the tube of ointment and a pack of bandages. With gentle movements, he applied the ointment to your wounds, his touch surprisingly tender. You felt a soothing sensation as he spread the ointment over the scabs, alleviating some of the discomfort.

Once the ointment was applied, he proceeded to place a couple of bandages on your neck, securing them in place. He worked efficiently, his movements precise yet careful. The bandages provided a protective layer over the wounds, preventing you from picking at the scabs.

As Sunghoon finished tending to your injuries, he stepped back, looking at his work. “There you go,” he said softly, a hint of satisfaction in his voice. “That should help with the healing. If you want me to check up on it, just let me know.”

You thanked him, appreciating his unexpected act of kindness. Despite the circumstances, there was a fleeting moment of connection between you and Sunghoon—a brief glimpse of a different side to him.

As Sunghoon tidied up the first aid kit and stowed it away, an uneasy silence settled in the room. You anxiously twiddle your thumbs while waiting for him to address the matter he mentioned earlier.

"Oh, right!" Sunghoon exclaimed, as if suddenly remembering. He took a seat closer to you, causing a slight flutter of anticipation in your chest.

"You mentioned that you have nowhere to go, correct?" he confirmed, seeking clarification.

"Yes, that's right." You nodded, your voice tinged with curiosity. You couldn't help but wonder where this conversation was headed.

“How about I let you stay here?” Sunghoon proposed, his voice filled with a surprising offer.

“Here...?” you repeated, a hint of disbelief in your tone. The room you were currently in didn’t exactly scream comfort or safety.

“Yes, here in my room,” Sunghoon confirmed, slightly perplexed by your reaction. He was about to remind you of your past statement about having nowhere to go.

“And how long are you suggesting I stay?” you asked, wanting to clarify the terms of the arrangement.

“As long as you want,” he replied, not understanding why you’re hesitating to just agree.

“Well…I have to ask, what’s the catch?” you questioned, sensing that such an offer wouldn’t come without a price.

“You catch on quickly,” Sunghoon remarked, acknowledging how clever you were. “In exchange for your stay, I propose that you provide me with your blood. It seems like a fair deal, doesn’t it?”

“Woah, hold on,” you protested, feeling a mix of shock and distress at Sunghoon’s proposal. “There’s absolutely no way I’m agreeing to this. I mean, we just met! Aren’t you trusting me, a stranger, a little too much now?”

Sunghoon shrugged nonchalantly, seemingly unfazed by your reaction. “It didn’t strike me as that crazy of an idea, but I guess humans are more sensitive about these things,” he remarked, surprised at how fast your voice was raised at him. “I don’t know why you’re so baffled now; you were the one who asked me to bite you.”

“Okay, that was clearly different! It was due to shock, alright?” you said, clearly not being able to rack up any responses to fire back.

“But, whatever! Anyway, as we were saying, of course it sounds crazy to me! You’re a vampire, not some ordinary person that I know. It’s not like I can trust you completely,” you shot back, your frustration becoming more evident.

“Look, I don’t even know your name.” You paused, realizing the absurdity of the situation. You two were getting into a heated conversation, trying to make deals, yet you both haven’t introduced yourselves properly.

“Oh, right—the name is Sunghoon, Park Sunghoon,” he interjected, his tone brimming with impatience. You swore if he wasn’t a stupid vampire, you would’ve knocked him out right there.

“And yours?” He interrupts your thoughts, his eyes gleaming with curiosity.

“It’s Y/N,” you replied, slightly taken aback by his abruptness.

“Nice to properly have a greeting with you, Y/N,” Sunghoon says with a slight smile. “Now, let's go back to our previous discussion, shall we?”

“Glad you mentioned that. So, exactly how is this deal supposed to work? Where would I even stay, and how often would I have to give my blood to you? Lord, who knows, you might kill me on my second day staying here!” you exclaimed, wanting to understand how shameless Sunghoon can be with his crazy thoughts.

“I understand your concerns about the deal. Let’s address them one by one, alright?” You nodded, willing to hear him out despite your concerns.

“As for where you’ll stay, you obviously don’t need to worry about that. I mean, how bad could it be?” he added with a smirk. “Consider it your sanctuary; don’t worry about anything.”

“And regarding the blood part,” he continued, his tone serious. “I assure you, I have no intention of killing you—well, I’ll try not to. We can establish some clear boundaries after you accept this deal. And we’ll figure out something where you can provide blood for me in controlled amounts.”

You furrowed your brow, still skeptical. “But why do you even need my blood? Can’t you just feed on others?”

Sunghoon sighed, his expression softening slightly. “It’s not as simple as that. I won’t go into all the details now, but let’s just say that your blood has a unique quality that appeals to vampires, especially me. It’s not something I can easily explain.”

You pondered his words for a moment, considering the possibilities. The idea of staying at this castle with a vampire, in fact many, was still unsettling, but you were running out of options.

“Fine,” you finally gave in. “I’ll give it a try. It's not like I can do anything anyway. But if anything feels off or if you break our agreement, I’m out.”

Sunghoon nodded, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Fair enough, Y/N. I’ll do my best to upload our agreement and ensure your safety.”

"Wait, so you’re telling me you put on the bandages and ointment for nothing?” you asked, touching the side of your neck.

“Oops,” he says, scratching the nape of his neck.

With that, a strange alliance between you and Sunghoon started to take shape, settling for a unique and uncertain journey ahead.

FIVE — the consequences

As the first night at Sunghoon’s place began, you couldn’t help but wonder how you had gotten yourself into this situation. It was clear that he hadn’t fully thought of a plan for your stay or how to ensure your safety amidst his unpredictable siblings.

Sunghoon, maintaining his composed demeanor, raced his mind as he contemplated the best course of action. Though Sunghoon lived in a spacious place with a huge room of his own, it became apparent that it was not designed to accommodate two people. After all, as a vampire, he would have never imagined sharing a room with a mere human, especially in a place he cherished deeply.

Sunghoon couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease, but he quickly pushed those thoughts aside. He reminded himself of the circumstances that brought you here, his promise to keep you safe, and the fact that this arrangement was temporary. He had to do something to make you feel comfortable; he isn’t that bad of a guy after all.

After a few moments of deep thought, he finally spoke up. “Y/N, I apologize for the lack of preparation. You see, I wasn’t expecting this at all.”

“Trust me, I wasn’t expecting this either, until you decided to kidnap me,” you joked, recalling the past moments and trying to tease him with it.

“I guess you’re right.” He scratched the back of his head awkwardly, smiling to himself as he remembered the past. “But here we are, working something out together.”

Sunghoon contemplated his thoughts, attempting to find a suitable solution. “Well, I guess you can just sleep on my bed.”

“What the hell are you saying? Me, sleeping on your bed?”

Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, surprised by your strong reaction. “What’s wrong with sleeping on my bed? Why do you seem so offended by the idea?” He blinks in confusion, not understanding the commotion with his idea. “You should consider this a luxury—even my siblings do! They rarely lay here, and I’m allowing you to.”

You crossed your arms, clearly uncomfortable with the suggestion. “It’s just...we barely know each other, and it feels too intimate to share a bed. Plus, it’s your personal space.”

Sunghoon tilted his head, feeling the need to tease you just a little bit. “Intimate? It’s just a bed; we are just sleeping on it. I don’t see it as a big deal. Besides, it’s a spacious bed, and I promise not to invade your personal space. What did you think was the intent behind my words?”

A mischievous smirk graced Sunghoon’s lips as he observed your cheeks turning a shade of red. Caught off guard by his response, you quickly cleared your throat, attempting to regain your composure. However, his gaze remained fixed on you, his smirk persisting, much to your annoyance.

You sighed, trying to find the right words. “Look, I appreciate your offer, but I think it’s best if we find another solution. I need my own space, and you should have yours too.”

“Alright, here’s the plan. You take the bed, and I’ll take the sofa. How does that sound?” Sunghoon proposes, trying to find a compromise.

“The sofa? Wouldn’t that be uncomfortable to sleep on for the night?” You voiced your concern, staring at the white sofa near his bed. It looked rather small, especially for his height.

“It can actually turn into a bed,” he reassured you.

“But I’ll feel bad if you have to sleep on the couch. Are you sure? We can always switch.” You protested, not easily accepting his kind act.

“Look, it’s either we both sleep on the same bed or I sleep on the couch. Keep arguing, and you’ll end up sleeping on the floor. Got it?” Sunghoon’s voice turned stern, attempting to make his point clear.

"...Understood," you reluctantly agreed, realizing his sudden change in mood.

You found yourself lying in Sunghoon’s bed, gazing up at the ceiling. The mattress was undeniably comfortable, but the unsettling atmosphere of the room made it difficult for you to drift off to sleep. Each time you closed your eyes, a chilly breeze seemed to brush against your body, further heightening your unease. This room was definitely not meant for humans to stay in.

Shifting slightly, you noticed Sunghoon’s silhouette remaining still in the darkness. His presence offered some sense of reassurance, but it wasn’t enough to completely dispel the unsettling feeling that hung in the air.

“Stop moving around so much; people might hear you,” Sunghoon whispered, his voice audible in the quiet room, causing you to freeze in your position. You didn’t know he was awake.

You remained silent for a moment, not sure if you should tell him the reason why. However, Sunghoon’s persistence broke the silence; his words were laced with a subtle attempt to gain your trust.

“No, I’m fine,” you replied, turning away from him and facing the other side of the bed.

“Sleep well, Y/N,” Sunghoon said, his voice echoing with the same enigmatic tone that had sent shivers down your spine when you first met.

In a way you couldn't quite understand, Sunghoon's presence was driving you to the edge of madness, albeit in a strangely captivating manner.

“So you’re suggesting I stay here for my entire stay?” you asked, still unsure of what had been planned by him.

“What? Would you rather be thrown into a bloodbath with six other vampires?” Sunghoon questioned you and was quite offended by your response.

“I think I’ll pass on that,” you replied, not eager to experience such a gruesome scenario. The thought of facing six vampires who were similar to Sunghoon, or even worse, sent a shiver down your spine. If they had possessed even a fraction of his intensity or darkness, you knew you would deeply regret your decision to stay. In fact, the idea seemed so terrifying that you would rather take matters into your own hands and end your own life than allow them to have a single drop of blood, Sunghoon included.

Ignoring the potential dangers ahead, you found yourself in his lavish library, with shelves overflowing with books. It was a comfortable and well-maintained space, with not a single speck of dust in sight. Picking up a nearby book, you asked, “You’re quite the reader, huh?”

You read the title, “How to Kill People : Guide for Vampires,” and quickly returned it to its original position. Sunghoon chuckled at your reaction, reminding you, “You’d probably see worse than that.”

His comment left you both intrigued and slightly unnerved, wondering what exactly he meant by it.

“Before I leave, let’s go over some rules I want to establish, shall we?” Sunghoon asks, only to get a nod from you. You hoped these rules weren’t going to be as bizarre as it was for you to be sleeping on Sunghoon’s bed for the whole stay.

Sunghoon dragged a nearby chair and settled himself into it. Resting his arms on the sides of the chair, he cleared his throat, preparing to lay down some ground rules.

"Rule Number One," he began sternly, pointing at you to emphasize his point, "you cannot leave this area until I say it's okay. As I mentioned earlier, I live with six other people who are extremely nosy. Any noise or disturbance will attract their attention, and they'll come running like meerkats trying to figure out what's going on."

You fought back a chuckle, imagining the scene he described, but you held it in, not wanting to upset Sunghoon by not paying attention.

"Rule Number Two," Sunghoon continued, his voice carrying a sense of seriousness, "is to never, and I mean never, expose yourself to them. They can get you killed in an instant, no joke. The last thing we need is another dead body lying around here, especially in my room."

You gulped, feeling a wave of unease wash over you. You nodded along to his words, but your mind began to wander, causing his instructions to fade into background noise. Your nods became automatic, hoping that he would finish speaking soon.

Sunghoon noticed your lack of focus, though he chose not to mention it. He debated whether to stop talking and address the issue or to continue and hope you would snap back to attention. Reluctantly, he decided to keep going, aware of the possibility that you were nodding along to nothing.

"...You got it?" he asked, his voice snapping you back to reality. You nodded and agreed, though you had no recollection of what he had just said. "Really? What did I say?"

You hesitated, realizing that you had completely missed his instructions. Sheepishly, you asked him to repeat it once more, hoping to catch up.

“We are going to be here for a long time, aren’t we?” Sunghoon let out a sigh, clearly disappointed.

He started from the beginning again, and this time, you made a conscious effort to pay attention.

At least that’s what he hoped you would do.

SIX — under his care

"You know, you're going to have to take care of me, right, Sunghoon?" You asked nervously, feeling the weight of your dependency on him.

"What do you mean? You should be able to take care of yourself," Sunghoon replied, seemingly indifferent to your needs.

“I need some food to survive being confined here; I’m not like you,” you pleaded, hoping he would understand.

"Oh. Take a blood packet," he suggested, opening a drawer to reveal a neatly arranged row of plastic packets. He quickly handed one to you, but you couldn't help but feel repulsed by the sight of the bright red liquid.

"I'm not a vampire, Sunghoon. I'm human. I need real food and water, not your blood packets," you protested, suppressing a gag.

"Oh, right," Sunghoon muttered awkwardly, realizing his oversight. He awkwardly moved closer, retrieving the blood packet from your lap and returning it to the drawer. He seemed to be slowly grasping the responsibility of caring for a human, but you couldn't shake the feeling that he resented it. The thought crossed your mind that he might even be contemplating killing you on the spot, and it sent a shiver down your spine.

“So…I’m supposed to hunt for you?” Sunghoon asked, sounding completely clueless about the needs of a human. “What kind of food do you guys enjoy?”

"I'm not really picky," you replied, trying to think of all the things you could eat.

"You're okay with raw animals?" he asked, clearly unaware of human dietary preferences.

"Are you trying to kill me?" you retorted, slightly alarmed by his suggestion.

"I'm sorry, I'm not really familiar with this," Sunghoon admitted, realizing his lack of knowledge.

"We eat warm, cooked foods. Sometimes when it’s cold, although it's not always enjoyable. You might need to cook something," you explained, hoping he would understand.

"Cook? The only thing I know is how to boil organs," Sunghoon confessed, his words never failing to make your jaw drop. He’s so unpredictable, you hate it.

"Enough of that," you said firmly, shaking your head to dispel the uncomfortable thoughts. "At least you can do something."

"You have to eat something cooked?" Sunghoon scrunched up his face, contemplating what the future held for him.

"Yes, that's what a normal human being needs," you replied.

"I'll figure something out. You're not picky, right?" Sunghoon asked, trying to reassure himself.

"Don't think I am," you responded, amused by his concern.

"I'll be back," he said, determination filling his voice.

"Don't take too long; I'm starving," you teased, sinking into Sunghoon's comfortable couch in the library and surrounding yourself with piles of books. You just hope he will do something right for once.

Leaving his room behind, Sunghoon let out a deep sigh of exasperation. Cooking a full meal that didn't involve blood was a daunting task for a vampire like him. The last thing he needed was to be caught in the act and subjected to endless questions from his nosy siblings. He moved swiftly and silently through the house, his senses heightened, ensuring that his movements remained undetected.

When Sunghoon opened the fridge, he wasn't surprised to find a limited selection of ingredients. After all, it was a typical vampire household with a preference for non-food items. Who would expect to see a fridge stacked with fresh produce? Luckily, among the assortment of mysterious meats, Sunghoon managed to unearth some ingredients courtesy of Heeseung's recent cooking practices. Heeseung seemed to have taken an interest in culinary pursuits, although the reason remained unknown.

"I'll keep it simple," Sunghoon muttered to himself, reaching for a container of eggs. Setting the eggs aside, he looks through the unorganized cupboards, looking at the scattered pots and pans. He cracked a few eggs into a bowl, whisking them with a fork. As he moved around the kitchen, the sound of clattering pans and plates filled the air, punctuated by brief pauses as he adjusted his movements to avoid making too much noise.

“What are you doing?” Heeseng’s voice rang out, laced with confusion, as he came to a sudden stop upon seeing one of his brothers actually cooking.

Sunghoon turned to face Heeseung, holding a pan in one hand and eggs in a bowl in the other. He couldn't help but feel a bit sheepish, caught in the act of preparing a meal.

“...Practicing?” Sunghoon shrugged, feeling a bit embarrassed about him catching him out here.

"You're making eggs? Want me to help? I can cook some meat or something." Heeseung offered, rolling up his sleeves. "Gotta get some protein for a guy like you." He flashed a smile and opened the fridge.

Sunghoon couldn't help but let out a quiet sigh, setting down the pan and bowl. Heeseung's easy-going nature reminded him why he was his favorite brother. Heeseung never questioned him unnecessarily and was always there to lend a hand when needed.

In no time, Heeseung finished cooking and guided Sunghoon through the steps. As he cleaned the countertop, he asked, "So, what made you want to try your hand at cooking?"

Sunghoon quickly tried to come up with an excuse, standing awkwardly with the dish in his hands. "Uhh...I've seen you cook multiple times and was curious. I thought I'd give it a try and see if I could make some real food. If it turns out good, maybe I'll start cooking more often."

"Ah, I see. Well, if you ever need any help or have any questions about cooking, my room is right next door," Heeseung offered.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind...if you're home," Sunghoon replied, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

As Sunghoon entered the library, he saw you lying on the couch, engrossed in a book, with a stack of books beside you. The sight of you brought a flutter to his heart, a feeling he couldn't quite explain. He greeted you and placed the dish on the table, letting out a sigh of relief.

"You have no idea what I just went through," he exclaimed, flopping face down onto the couch in front of you. You chuckled, and once again, he felt that ticklish sensation in his stomach. These random feelings were starting to puzzle him, but he pushed them aside and focused on your words.

"It's a shame you have to keep going through this," you remarked, surprised at how delicious the simple dish tasted.

Sunghoon sighed, realizing he would have to cook three meals like this every day and rely on Heeseung's help. However, he found himself not objecting to the idea. In fact, he rather liked it, though he couldn't quite figure out why.

SEVEN — unexpected encounter

As the days turned into weeks, the routine of sleeping in Sunghoon’s bed and spending time in the library continued. Sunghoon remained consistent in his actions, always bringing you food despite the strange glances he received from his siblings.

Engrossed in one of the books from Sunghoon’s collection, you heard the door creak open. Assuming it was Sunghoon returning, you began to express your relief, only to pause when you looked up and realized it wasn’t him standing near the door. Instead, it was a different guy—blond hair with bangs gracefully covering his forehead. He exuded an attractive presence with his tall physique and sharp features. Both you and the unknown guy shared a moment of shock, caught off guard by the unexpected encounter.

“I knew Sunghoon was hiding something!” he whispered to himself, unaware you could hear his words. He seemed rather happy that his prediction was correct rather than shocked by a random stranger at his house. “No wonder why that sweet scent lingers around his door,” he continues, pretending to act all smart.

“Um, who are you?” you questioned, trying to make sense of the situation.

“Oh right! The name is Jake. And yours?” he introduced himself and asked, offering a friendly smile. He seems way nicer than Sunghoon, as you thought.

“Y/N,” you said, offering the same smile back. He chuckles. “Nice to meet you, Y/N!”

“Dang, so Sunghoon was brave enough to keep a human hostage?” Jake remarked, clearly surprised that you even managed to live. The Sunghoon he knew would have sucked out all of your blood already. Were you that special to him?

“Where is he?” you inquired, wanting to know Sunghoon’s whereabouts. You couldn’t believe you’d be caring about someone you hated the first day you met him.

“Hunting, perhaps? Why, looking for some company?” Jake teased with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“I don’t mind...” you responded, contemplating the idea of having some company while you waited for Sunghoon’s return.

“Don’t mind if I do!” Jake exclaimed enthusiastically, grabbing a book he had been eyeing from the shelf. He hurriedly made his way over to you, claiming the empty spot on the cough. His vibrant energy was surprisingly comforting, quickly making you forget that he was just a stranger a few moments ago.

“What brings you here?” you asked curiously, genuinely interested in his presence.

“I always sneak into Sunghoon’s library, even though he never explicitly allows it. Sometimes he’s fine with it, sometimes he’s not,” Jake explained with a slight pout, recalling past experiences. “Especially this week! He specifically told everyone to stay out of his room and the library because of some deep cleaning. It’s complete nonsense! He always shows up to my room uninvited and complains whenever I do the same.” He scoffs, closing the book for a quick moment.

You chuckled at his storytelling, finding yourself drawn into his narration. It was as if you were being hypnotized by his words. Jake glanced at you, noticing the way your eyes crinkled with amusement. His smile widened, and he felt surprisingly comfortable sharing snippets of his life with you.

You found yourself engrossed in constant conversation with Jake, losing track of time as it slipped through your fingers. He made your entire day in the library more bearable, and you enjoyed his company immensely.

"Sunghoon should be returning soon," Jake mentioned, unaware of how much time had passed. "I should probably leave now."

"Oh, but will you come back tomorrow?" You asked eagerly, hoping he would say yes.

"I'll try my best. Just promise me that you won't tell Sunghoon that I've been sneaking in here, okay?" Jake requested, his eyes searching yours for assurance.

"I promise," you replied sincerely.

"Pinky promise?" he suggested playfully.

"Absolutely, I can even come up with something to prove that my lips are sealed. Maybe I can offer you my blood? You know, to seal our deal." you added, having no harm behind your words.

"You're quite bold, aren't you?" he remarked, slightly taken aback by your audacity.

"Do you want to?" you asked, your voice teasing.

"Where would you like me to bite you?" he quipped back, playing along with your banter.

And with that, Jake left with a broad grin, bidding you farewell with a wave. You waved back, and as your sleeve rolled down, it revealed the two distinctive fang marks near your wrist, a reminder of the unusual encounters you've had lately.

You hoped Sunghoon wouldn’t bother to check your arms.

EIGHT — unwanted guests

As days turned into weeks, Sunghoon diligently continued making your meals, ensuring you had warm and cooked food to sustain yourself. He became more skilled in the kitchen with each passing day, and you couldn't help but appreciate his efforts. Despite the initial awkwardness, a sense of familiarity grew between you, and you found solace in his presence.

Meanwhile, you continued to meet Jake in the library, enjoying each other's company and engaging in conversations that ranged from lighthearted to deep. He became a source of comfort and distraction from the confinement of the vampire household. The stolen moments with Jake brought a sense of excitement and adventure to your otherwise mundane routine.

If you were going to be honest, it would’ve been difficult to choose who was better between the two. While you appreciated Sunghoon's care and the bond that was slowly forming between you, there was an unspoken understanding that your connection with Jake was something entirely different.

Despite the initial success of the plan, Sunghoon's peculiar behavior didn't go unnoticed by his siblings. They started to find it strange that he never left his room and continued to cook meals despite being a vampire who normally consumed blood.

As Sunghoon returned to his room, Sunoo made sure to close the door behind him, maintaining the air of secrecy. When he joined his brothers downstairs, their confusion and concern were evident.

"What's going on with Sunghoon?" Jungwon asked, his expression reflecting his bewilderment after returning from a short trip.

"I've been noticing it too. He's been like this for the past week," Niki chimed in, shaking his head in disbelief. "This is not his usual behavior."

"He's been acting strange, not just with the cooking but also isolating himself in his room," Jay chimed in, furrowing his brows. "I tried talking to him, but he just brushes me off."

"He even told me not to enter his room and to stay away from his library," Heeseung added, his voice filled with genuine confusion. "It's like he's hiding something."

Sunoo, who had just returned from escorting Sunghoon back to his room, couldn't shake off his own concerns. "I've been trying to protect him, keeping everyone away from his room," he admitted. "But I don't know what's going on either. Something feels off."

The brothers exchanged worried glances, realizing that Sunghoon's behavior was a cause for concern. They knew they needed to get to the bottom of it, not only for their own peace of mind but also for Sunghoon's well-being. They decided to confront him together, determined to uncover the truth behind his recent actions and offer him support if needed.

Little did they know that their investigation would reveal the hidden secret you and Jake shared, adding an unexpected twist to the situation and potentially reshaping their perception of Sunghoon forever.

Sunghoon overheard his brothers' worried conversation, their voices growing louder and catching his attention. Concern filled his mind as he realized they might discover his secret. In a state of panic, he darted around, desperately searching for a solution.

Finding you in the library, he hurriedly approached you, his face filled with urgency.

"You need to hide right now," Sunghoon urged, his voice hushed but filled with intensity.

Startled by his sudden request, you quickly set aside the book you were reading and stood up, ready to follow his lead.

"My brothers are onto me. They suspect something's not right," Sunghoon explained, glancing around nervously. He keeps staring at his door, trying to listen for any sudden noises. "I'm afraid they might come barging into my room. We can't let them find you."

You could see the worry in his eyes, and you understood the weight of the situation. Without hesitation, you followed Sunghoon's lead and looked around for a hiding spot.

"Where should I hide?" you asked, trying to remain calm.

Sunghoon scanned the room, his gaze landing on a large antique wardrobe tucked away in a corner.

"Quick, get inside there," he said, opening the wardrobe door and motioning for you to step inside. It was large enough to fit you and pretty hidden away from any of his siblings.

You hurriedly made your way into the wardrobe, squeezing yourself in and pulling the doors shut. It was a tight space, but you hoped it would provide enough cover.

As the brothers deliberated downstairs, their uncertainty apparent, Sunoo voiced his reservations about invading Sunghoon's privacy. Nervously fidgeting with his fingers, he expressed his concerns.

"I don't know about this. I just don't want to intrude on his personal space," Sunoo admitted, his voice filled with unease. "You know, maybe he's still trying to deal with the past.” He bit his lip, avoiding delving into the details of his troubling history.

Heeseung sighed, acknowledging the validity of Sunoo's thoughts. He too was unsure of what to do, caught between his curiosity and his desire to respect Sunghoon's boundaries. The situation left them all in a state of indecision, unsure of how to proceed.

"I'm still worried about his well-being," Jay voiced, with Jake nervously nodding in agreement. Jake's heart raced not only out of concern for Sunghoon but also out of fear of you and him getting caught in the midst of their investigation.

"Okay, let's go." Jungwon decisively took the lead, leading the way up the stairs. The rest of the brothers followed suit, their curiosity piqued as they contemplated what Sunghoon could potentially be hiding.

As they reached the top of the stairs, the brothers could sense the tension in the air. They approached Sunghoon's closed door, hesitating for a moment before Jungwon took a deep breath and knocked.

"Sunghoon, are you in there?" Jungwon called out, his voice filled with concern.

There was a brief moment of silence, and then Sunghoon's voice came from the other side, slightly shaky but composed. "Yes, I'm here. Give me a moment."

The brothers exchanged glances, their anticipation building. They knew something was off, and their worry for Sunghoon only grew stronger. As they waited for him to open the door, they couldn't help but wonder what they were about to uncover.

Sunghoon swung the door open, his mouth full of food, as he greeted his six brothers. "Whoa, what's the occasion for this surprise gathering?" he asked nonchalantly, trying to mask his unease.

The rest of the brothers exchanged puzzled glances, failing to detect any apparent change in Sunghoon's behavior. "Do you need something from me before I continue finishing my meal?" Sunghoon inquired, hoping they would take the hint and leave him be.

Niki stepped forward, his curiosity getting the better of him. "Do you mind if we come in?" he asked, voicing the question that had been on everyone's mind.

Sunghoon shrugged, reluctantly allowing them entry. "Sure, but just for a little while. I'd like to eat my meal in peace."

Sunghoon reluctantly stepped aside, allowing his brothers to enter his room. As they filed in, their eyes scanned the surroundings, trying to piece together the puzzle of Sunghoon's recent behavior. The room appeared relatively normal, with the plate of food he cooked on his table and an organized bed.

"What's been going on, Sunghoon?" Heeseung finally spoke up, his voice laced with concern.

“What do you mean? I’ve only tried new things; it’s been interesting, I’ll tell you that.” Sunghoon shrugged, pushing away Heeseung’s question.

"Would it be alright if we entered the library?" Jay proposed, and the six brothers turned their gaze towards Sunghoon.

Sunghoon forced a smile, concealing his anxiety behind a facade. "Of course, go ahead," he replied, his words betraying his true feelings. Deep down, he was terrified of being discovered, even though he had already hidden you away.

Jay reached for the doorknob, his hand trembling slightly as he cautiously opened the door. The brothers held their breath, unsure of what awaited them inside. Their curiosity had overridden any doubts or concerns.

As the door swung open, the brothers stepped into the library, their eyes scanning the room for any signs of unusual activity. Sunghoon tried his best to act nonchalant, with his heart pounding in his chest. He hoped that you had a good hiding spot and that his siblings wouldn't stumble upon any evidence of your presence.

The library appeared just as it always did: shelves filled with books, a cozy atmosphere enveloping the space. The brothers exchanged glances, perplexed by the situation. Everything seemed normal, except for Sunghoon's apprehensive demeanor.

"Smells...rather sweet," Jungwon says, surprised at how quickly he picked up on it. The others nodded in agreement, detecting the faint yet enticing scent in the air.

“Could it be from the cups?” Sunghoon points at them, thankfully coming up with a quick excuse.

Jungwon's face lit up with understanding, and he couldn't help but let out a small sigh of relief, followed by a chuckle. “Ah, you've got yourself some good blood there.”

The others continued to look around, not seeming to find anything suspicious.

"Are you sure there's nothing unusual going on here, Sunghoon?" Jake asked, a hint of suspicion in his voice. He had to look convincing to his brothers, at least.

Sunghoon shrugged, feigning innocence. "I'm just enjoying some alone time with my books," he replied, hoping his casual tone would deflect their attention.

The brothers continued to search the library, their footsteps echoing softly on the wooden floor. Sunghoon's anxiety grew with each passing moment, praying that his secret would remain hidden.

“Well, there’s nothing,” Jungwon says, finishing his search.

“Sunghoon, just know we care about you, and you can tell us anything, okay?” Heeseung says, making Sunghoon nod to his words.

“We will be leaving now; don’t spend too much time in your room,” Niki says, walking closer to the library’s exit. Finally, satisfied that nothing seemed out of the ordinary, all of the remaining brothers made their way back towards the library entrance. Sunghoon released a silent sigh of relief, grateful that they hadn't discovered your presence.

Sunghoon had nothing else to say but nod his head, wishing his brothers a short goodbye. As the door closed behind them, Sunghoon leaned against it, his body trembling with a mix of fear and relief. He knew he had narrowly escaped being caught, but he also realized that he would have to be even more careful moving forward.

Turning his attention to you, he approached your hiding spot with a mixture of concern and gratitude. "You can come out now," he whispered, a grateful smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "We managed to keep them away, at least for now."

How long will this thing last before the secret is out?

NINE — unbreakable cycle

Sunghoon's recent behavior has left you puzzled. Lately, he has been requesting your blood more frequently, surpassing his usual once or twice a week routine. Not only that, you started feeling a bit tired too, having both Sunghoon and Jake take your blood whenever they wanted.

"Y/N, I need more," Sunghoon said, entering the library with a breathlessness that hinted at an intense workout session. His exhaustion was evident, as if he had been pushing himself too hard in his training.

Concerned by Sunghoon's increased requests for your blood and his apparent exhaustion, you couldn't help but worry about his well-being. You set aside the book you were reading and approached him with a furrowed brow.

"Sunghoon, are you okay? You seem really tired," you remarked, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Is something bothering you?"

Sunghoon sighed heavily, leaning against the library wall for support. His gaze met yours, reflecting a mix of weariness and determination.

"I've been pushing myself harder lately," he admitted, his voice tinged with fatigue. "I've been training more intensely, trying to improve my abilities. But it's taking a toll on me. I’ll be fine with a little bit of blood, though."

"Sunghoon, maybe you should take a break," you suggested gently. "Rest and recuperate. Pushing yourself too hard might do more harm than good."

"Thank you, Y/N." He let out a small, quiet chuckle, feeling a bit strange for you to be caring for him right now. "I'm assuming you're tired too? You look like it; it seems like you've been draining all your energy for more than one person."

"How did you know?" you asked, taken aback by his observation.

"What? I was just teasing," Sunghoon replied, his chuckle fading as he sensed your surprise.

Shit. You inwardly cursed your slip-up, realizing you had revealed more than intended.

"Who have you been seeing?" Sunghoon's tone turned stern, his eyes searching yours for answers.

You awkwardly laughed, trying to brush off his suspicions. "I was just joking, Sunghoon. There's no one else."

But Sunghoon wasn't convinced. He could sense the subtle changes in your heartbeat and the uneasiness in your eyes. The trust between you seemed to falter, and he couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that something was amiss.

"Your heart is beating faster," he pointed out, his voice tinged with a hint of betrayal. "Who have you been seeing behind my back? Why can't you be honest with me?"

"Why does it have to concern you?" you replied defensively, feeling a surge of frustration. The tension in the room escalated as both of you struggled to communicate your true feelings.

"It's my room," Sunghoon retorted, his voice growing louder with anger. "You've been hiding something from me, and now you're avoiding giving me your blood. Is this all because of one of my brothers?"

The words hung in the air, a bitter realization dawning on both of you. Sunghoon's protective instincts clashed with the sense of betrayal he felt, while you grappled with the weight of your secrets.

Sunghoon's grip tightened on your wrist, causing a sharp sting and making you instinctively try to pull away. As you did, the pressure on the bite mark caused a slight seepage of blood, staining your sleeve. He stared at the blood with a mix of shock and confusion.

"Did—did one of my brothers do that?" Sunghoon asked, his voice filled with disbelief as he looked back at you. A whirlwind of emotions swept across his face.

"It's nothing. Just mind your own business," you scowled, your frustration evident as you continued to struggle against his grip, wanting to break free.

Sunghoon's eyes narrowed, his anger rising. "How can you expect me to ignore this?” Sunghoon clenched his fists, his anger boiling over. He clearly allowed it to take the best of him, not knowing there could be other ways to talk about this. "I can't believe you would lie to me like this! How could you hide something so important?"

You stood your ground, your own anger rising to match his. Why would you want to allow him to be the only one who could yell? “You don’t have to know everything. You probably see me as a burden anyway.”

"Burden? You think I see you as a burden?" Sunghoon's voice was filled with frustration. "I've done everything I can to protect you and keep you safe. And this is how you repay me?"

"I didn't ask for your protection! Look, I’m glad for your help, but what’s with the big fuss?" You shot back, your voice trembling with anger and hurt. "You think you're the only one who has sacrifices to make?"

Sunghoon's face was twisted with anger and hurt. “Since you think my brothers are so great, why don’t you just leave right now? Let them have you! Then you would know what it feels like to be abandoned!"

"You don't owe me, Sunghoon. God, just because you're some vampire, do you think you're superior? I wonder how your family even manages to deal with you," You say, returning the same harsh tone he gave you.

The words stung, hitting him like a punch to the gut. You hadn't meant to belittle him, but in the heat of the argument, it felt like the only way to defend yourself.

Sunghoon's expression hardened, his anger giving way to a deep sadness. Your words only brought back his past, making him wince. He turned away from you, his voice filled with a mix of frustration and hurt. "Is that really what you think of me? Just some stuck-up vampire who thinks he's superior?"

Tears welled up in his eyes, and his voice choked with emotion. "I've done everything to make you feel welcomed and loved; well, I tried, and this is how you see me? I never wanted you to feel like that."

The realization hit you like a wave, crashing down your walls of anger. You hadn't meant to reduce him to a stereotype and make him feel unappreciated for all he had done for you.

"I– I didn't mean it like that," you mumbled, your voice filled with regret. "I was just angry and hurt. I didn't think about how my words would affect you."

Sunghoon shook his head, his shoulders slumping with the weight of his emotions. "It's too late now. I can't forget what you said or how you made me feel."

As he walked away, shutting the door with a resounding thud, the silence in the room was suffocating, the realization of the damage you had caused sinking in.

What the hell was that about, and why do you feel guilty?

Great, there's more stuff that you need to take care of.

Guilt was starting to eat you alive, and you had to do something about it quickly.

And how will you do that? It’s simple—asking his sibling for help.

Jake.

TEN — the plan

To your luck, Jake managed to sneak into the library, closing the door quietly behind him. His eyes widened as he looked at you, sensing the tension in the air. He walked closer, whispering to you.

"What's going on with Sunghoon?"

You sighed, the weight of the argument still lingering in your mind. "We had a big fight. Things got really heated between us."

Jake furrowed his brows, concern etched on his face. "What happened?”

"We had an argument about you," you said, wincing as the incident kept replaying in your head. You didn’t want to tell him everything; guilt was just starting to take over you again.

"Me? What about me?" Jake asked, his expression turning serious as he took a seat next to you.

"He found out," you replied, pulling down your sleeves to reveal the fang marks on your arm. "He found our secret meetings."

Jake's eyes widened in realization, and his voice filled with concern. "He knows about us? So was that why he glared at me all day?” Jake says, finally piecing the puzzle together.

“How did he react?"

"He was furious," you confessed, your voice filled with regret. "He accused me of betraying his trust and hiding things from him."

Jake sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I never wanted things to get so complicated. I'm sorry, Y/N."

"It's not your fault," you reassured him, placing a comforting hand on his. "We both made mistakes. I should have been more honest with him from the beginning."

Jake nodded, his gaze filled with a mix of guilt and determination. "We need to find a way to fix this, to make things right with Sunghoon.

"But how? He probably hates me now," you said, frustration evident in your voice as you rubbed your head with your hand.

"He doesn't hate you. He probably never will. You just have to be the first one to reach out and talk to him," Jake reassured you, his hand comforting you as he rubbed your back. "Trust me, he's seemed really happy ever since you got here."

"Really?" you asked, a glimmer of hope in your eyes.

"Really," Jake confirmed with a nod.

"Okay, so how am I going to apologize?" You asked, eager to find a way to make things right.

"I have a plan," Jake said, a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

Curiosity sparked within you as you leaned in, urging him to share his idea.

Jake leaned in closer, his voice lowering to a whisper as he shared his plan with you. His eyes gleamed with a mix of excitement and mischief, making you curious about the details of his scheme.

"Here's what we're going to do," Jake began, his voice filled with confidence. "We'll organize a surprise gathering for Sunghoon, something that will catch him off guard when he sees you walk to him instead. I’ll tell him how I need to talk to him.”

You listened intently, nodding as Jake outlined the steps of the plan. It involved a lot of convincing. Sunghoon knew one of his brothers knew you; he just didn’t know which one. Despite his possible anger toward one of them, he’s going to have to speak to them, not wanting to expose the secret of you being here.

"And when the time is right, you can seize the moment and apologize to him sincerely, letting him know how much he means to you." Jake explained.

A mix of anticipation and nervousness filled your chest, but you felt a glimmer of hope. It seemed like a thoughtful and heartfelt gesture that could mend the rift between you and Sunghoon.

"Are you in?" Jake asked with a hint of excitement in his eyes.

With a shared sense of determination, you and Jake began to put the plan into action, eagerly looking forward to the opportunity to make amends and rebuild the trust that had been fractured.

You had to make things right again.

ELEVEN — making up

“Are you ready to talk to him?” Jake asked, sensing your nervous behavior.

"I believe so," you replied with a sigh. "I've allowed him enough time to process."

"Okay, I'll inform him before he comes upstairs," Jake said. You nodded nervously, fidgeting in your seat as you awaited the opportune moment to reveal yourself.

Before you knew it, you heard footsteps ascending the stairs, approaching Sunghoon's room. Holding your breath, you waited for the perfect moment to exit the room.

You opened the door, revealing a fatigued Sunghoon perched on his bed, awaiting Jake's arrival.

"Sunghoon?" You called out his name, causing his eyes to widen. He averted your gaze, not quite ready to meet your eyes. A part of him yearned for a conversation with you, while another part hesitated, unsure of the outcome.

Taking control of the situation, Sunghoon cleared his throat and spoke, his tone detached: "YN, you should return. Jake could return at any moment."

You were hesitant about carrying out the plan; it would reveal who you’ve been seeing for the past few weeks.

But you gathered your courage and walked further toward him, taking a seat beside him on his bed.

Sunghoon's gaze shifted from the floor to you, his eyes searching for answers. You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for the conversation that was about to unfold.

"I'm sorry, Sunghoon," you spoke up, your voice filled with sincerity. "I should have been honest with you from the beginning. I never wanted to hide anything from you, but I was scared. Scared of causing any conflicts between you and your family. I thought hiding it was the best thing I could do.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that or said anything harsh to you. You didn’t deserve it,” you continued, looking back to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Sunghoon's features softened, and he moved closer, his eyes locking with yours. "Y/N, I didn't handle the situation well either," he admitted, his voice filled with remorse. "I let my anger get the best of me, and I'm sorry for hurting you."

"I just... didn't want to talk to you after you made me think about my past,” Sunghoon sighed, feeling the weight of his experiences. He found himself unexpectedly opening up to you, trusting you with a part of his life he had never shared with anyone before.

Closing his eyes, he allowed the memories to resurface, replaying the painful moments from his past.

"I'm exhausted from constantly taking care of you. Why can't you be normal and not some damned vampire?" Sunghoon's father's voice reverberated in his mind, filled with anger and frustration.

"I'm sorry, Father. I just haven't had anything to fill me up. Not even regular food. I feel myself growing weaker day by day," Sunghoon confessed, his voice tinged with sadness as he recalled the desperate need for blood.

"You're fortunate that your mother and I provide for you. Who else would? But god, I can’t handle having such a freak in the house,” his father continued, reaching for his phone and dialing his mother's number. "I have to do something about you."

"What do you mean?" Sunghoon's fear intensified, unsure of what his father intended. "Father? Father!" he pleaded, trying to push him away, but his father remained fixated on the call to his mother. Sunghoon sat there in resignation, realizing that his true family was willing to abandon him or, worse, even consider harming him.

After hours of intense discussion between his parents, Sunghoon's heart sank as his mother called him over. He hoped against hope that he would be able to stay, praying for a positive outcome. Taking a seat in front of his parents, he braced himself for the verdict, hoping it would be in his favor.

"Sunghoon... I'm sorry, but you can't stay here anymore." His mother's voice trembled with sadness, and her eyes filled with tears. "It's just not possible. It’s not safe.”

“You can’t just throw me out like that!” Sunghoon's voice wavered with a mix of sadness and frustration, unable to comprehend how his own parents could abandon him. "I'm your child!"

"You're not our child—well, my child. You're just some wretched vampire who has no place in this household. Who knows what harm you could bring to your other siblings?" His father's words were laced with bitterness, his tone devoid of any remorse as he witnessed his son's disbelief and hurt.

He sat there, his mind filled with shock and a deep sense of loss, as he watched his mother pack up his belongings. After leaving his family home, Sunghoon's life took a drastic turn. He found himself in a state of constant turmoil, resorting to feeding off random animals he came across in a forest. If it hadn't been for Heeseung's intervention, he might still be wandering the streets, struggling to survive.

"But unlike my past parents, my siblings here embraced me wholeheartedly. They provided me with a sense of safety and acceptance that I had never experienced before," Sunghoon explained, his voice tinged with vulnerability and the hope that you would understand his deep-seated trauma.

"Oh my god, Sunghoon, I'm so sorry," you exclaimed, overcome with regret as the weight of your words and their impact on him sank in. "I had no idea about your past and what you went through."

Sunghoon's smile softened, touched by your genuine remorse. "It's alright. I never expected you to know or bring it up. We can leave it in the past now," he said, a sense of relief evident in his voice.

He reached out for your hand, his hands trembling slightly. “I forgive you. Do you forgive me?” You smiled, reaching out and taking his hands into yours. “I do.”

The weight of the tension that had been lingering between you lifted, replaced by a sense of relief and renewed hope. You and Sunghoon slowly embraced, holding each other tightly, letting the healing process begin.

Jake smiled, quietly slipping out of the room, leaving the two of you to mend the bonds that had been strained. As you and Sunghoon held each other, you knew that despite the challenges you had faced, your love for each other was stronger than ever, ready to face whatever lay ahead.

Next time, there will be no more misunderstandings.

You were going to make sure of that.

TWELVE — secret revealed

"You know, your brothers are eventually going to figure out that you keep me here, right?" you remarked, laying on Sunghoon's lap. Despite the mixed signals between you, there was a sense of comfort in your connection, and you both secretly wished for more.

Sunghoon chuckled, his fingers tracing gentle patterns through your hair as he continued reading his book. "You think so?”

“It has been quite a while. You think they would be okay with the sudden news?" You asked.

"They better," he replied with a playful smirk.

"I hope they'll be comfortable with it." you said, still filled with worries.

"They should be. One of my brothers already knows you, so that's one less person to convince," Sunghoon said, his tone lightening the mood.

"Ah, Jake," you nodded, feeling a sense of relief. "And just to clarify, we are not offering blood to my brothers to win them over. Just putting it out there," he added, making you roll your eyes playfully.

“Blood is only yours.”

“That’s quite flattering coming from a human like you.”

"Oh, stop it—tell your brothers about us whenever you feel like it’s time.”

“Like right now?”

“Well, do you want to?”

“I’ll ask them to come upstairs.”

"Sure, go ahead," you replied, lifting your head from Sunghoon's lap and adjusting your position. You watched as he stood up and made his way towards the door, calling out to his brothers to join him upstairs.

As you waited for them to arrive, a mix of anticipation and nervousness filled the room. You couldn't help but wonder how they would react to your relationship with Sunghoon. Would they be accepting? Would they hate your guts? Only time will tell.

Soon, you heard footsteps approaching the room, and one by one, Sunghoon's brothers entered. They glanced at you in shock, stopping in their tracks besides Jake.

Jay furrowed his brows, puzzled by the presence of a human in Sunghoon's room. The sweet scent emanating from you intrigued him, adding to his curiosity. "Who is this?" he asked, his confusion evident.

"This is YN," Sunghoon replied, observing Jay's expression as he connected the dots. "She's the person you saw me carrying on my shoulder."

Recognition dawned on Jay's face. "Ah, so you're her!"

"Well, that's certainly surprising. A human living here with us." Sunoo chimed in, happy that his suspicions were correct after all.

Niki's eyes widened in astonishment. "Wait, she's been here for months? How is she not freaked out by all of us being vampires?"

"Right...you're human. Aren't you scared or uncomfortable being around vampires?" Heeseung asked, with a hint of confusion and amusement in his tone.

You remained calm, unaffected by their supernatural nature. "To be honest, it was a bit overwhelming at first. But, after a while, Sunghoon seemed chill, making me think you all would be the same.”

The room fell into a momentary silence as everyone but Sunghoon and Jake processed the unexpected situation. It was clear that your presence had caught them off guard.

Jungwon couldn't help but offer a lighthearted remark. "So that sweet scent was yours. Well, well, who would've thought a human would willingly enter our world?"

You chuckled, feeling at ease in their presence. "I guess I'm an exception."

Jake, who had been aware of your connection with Sunghoon, smiled warmly. "We're glad to have you here, YN. It's refreshing to see someone who embraces us for who we are."

Sunghoon placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "I couldn't have asked for a better family, and I'm grateful that you all accept YN."

Niki shook his head in disbelief, still processing the revelation. "I can't believe I only found out about this now. Sunghoon, you really kept this secret well."

Jake, unable to resist adding some mischief, chimed in with a cheeky smile. "Well, I already knew about it."

His statement caused a range of reactions among the others. Some looked at Jake with astonishment, while others couldn't help but let out a shocked gasp.

"You knew too?!" Sunoo exclaimed, his eyes wide with surprise.

Jake simply shrugged, enjoying the reaction he was getting. "Yeah, I've known for a while. I guess Sunghoon didn’t find out that I knew about YN until a week ago."

Jay shook his head, finding the situation amusing. "I can't believe you two managed to keep this from us. Secrets, secrets everywhere."

Sunghoon placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "I couldn't have asked for a better family, and I'm grateful that you all accept YN."

As the initial shock subsided, the room filled with a mix of laughter and teasing remarks. It seemed that despite the surprise, they were all eager to accept the new dynamic and embrace you as part of their vampire family.

“Since our Sunghoon has taken an interest in you, we accept you here.” Heeseung smiled, noticing how Sunghoon would look at you with such loving eyes. It was amusing but weird to see his brother act in such a way, but it made him feel pleased.

Feeling a sense of warmth and acceptance, you realized that you had truly found a home with these vampires, a place where you wished to stay forever.

THIRTEEN — transforming

"Sunghoon, have you ever thought about turning YN into a vampire?" Heeseung's curiosity was piqued as he prepared a meal downstairs while you were sleeping. He couldn't help but wonder about the possibility of Sunghoon turning you into a vampire.

Sunghoon's response was immediate, with a hint of surprise in his voice. "No, why would I?"

Heeseung's expression turned serious as he voiced his concern. "But she's human. Are you prepared to watch someone you love age and eventually pass away?"

Sunghoon's features shifted, his realization dawning upon him. The idea that you couldn't remain with him forever settled heavily in his mind. "Oh, I hadn't truly considered that. But what are the chances of a successful transformation? And if I were to proceed, how would I even do it?"

Heeseung paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "The chances of a successful transformation can vary. It depends on factors such as blood compatibility and the individual's willingness to undergo the process. Turning someone into a vampire is a complex undertaking that should be approached with great care."

Sunghoon absorbed Heeseung's words, his mind racing with possibilities. "If there's a way to turn YN into a vampire, and if it's something she genuinely desires, I would be willing to explore that option. However, it's a decision that we would need to make together, considering all the risks and consequences involved."

Heeseung offered an encouraging smile, understanding the weight of Sunghoon's contemplation. "I have faith that you'll find a way, Sunghoon. Just remember to have open and honest communication with YN and support each other in whichever path you choose."

Sunghoon nodded gratefully, appreciating his brother's guidance. He knew he could rely on his brothers for wisdom and support as he navigated the complexities of your relationship.

“I’ll talk to her about it when she wakes up,” Sunghoon says, bringing the plate of food to his room.

Gently whispering your name, Sunghoon noticed you were still peacefully asleep. A smile graced his lips as he approached the table, carefully setting the prepared food down before settling himself beside you.

As he brushed away a few strands of hair from your face, he couldn't help but be captivated by your beauty. A stirring feeling fluttered in his stomach—an undeniable effect you had on him that he couldn't ignore.

His fingers continued to play with your hair as your eyes slowly opened, revealing a pair of curious and sleepy eyes that met his. A smile formed on your face as you took in the sight of him smiling back at you.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked, his gaze never leaving you. You nod, snuggling in closer to the blanket, letting a small chuckle escape from his mouth.

“I need to tell you something, but eat and freshen up first, okay?” Curiousity took over, making you nod as you got out of bed.

As you finished your meal, you couldn't help but notice Sunghoon's slightly nervous demeanor. The anticipation grew within you, and you decided to break the silence.

"What do you want to say to me?" you asked, wiping your mouth with a napkin. Your eyes were fixated on him, searching for answers in his expression.

"Have you ever wanted to turn into a vampire?" Sunghoon finally brought up the question, hoping to gauge your thoughts on the matter.

You pondered his question for a moment, reflecting on your past perceptions and current feelings. "It seemed cool and everything when I was younger, like in the movies. But now, I'm not so sure about it," you admitted, voicing your uncertainties. "Why do you ask?"

Sunghoon took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before responding. "I've been thinking about it lately—about the possibility of turning you into a vampire," he confessed, his eyes searching yours for a reaction.

You blinked in surprise, caught off guard by his thoughts. The idea had never crossed your mind before, and now it hung in the air between you, laden with implications and questions.

"Why would you consider that?" you asked, a mix of curiosity and apprehension in your voice.

Sunghoon's gaze softened, and he reached out to gently hold your hand. "Because I can't imagine a future without you, YN. Turning you into a vampire would mean we could be together forever. I don't want to watch you grow old and leave this world while I remain the same."

A whirlwind of emotions swirled within you as you processed his words. The thought of eternal life was both alluring and daunting. You thought about the sacrifices and challenges that would come with such a transformation, but also the promise of everlasting love and companionship.

"I need time to think about this, Sunghoon," you replied honestly, your voice tinged with uncertainty. "It's a big decision, and there's so much to consider."

He nodded understandingly, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. "Of course, YN. Take all the time you need. I just wanted to open up this conversation and let you know what's been on my mind."

Hours turned into days and weeks. After pondering about it for a while, you decided to talk about it with Sunghoon. "Sunghoon, I've made up my mind," you said, your voice steady. "I want to be with you, and if becoming a vampire means we can be together for eternity, then I'm willing to take that step."

A mixture of relief and joy washed over Sunghoon's face as he squeezed your hand. "Thank you, Y/N. I can't express how much this means to me," he whispered, his voice filled with gratitude.

"Okay, I don't want to scare you, but part of the transformation process would involve you drinking my blood regularly," Sunghoon explained, gesturing towards his sharp teeth. "It's how you'll develop your own fangs and embrace your vampire nature."

You couldn't help but feel a slight shiver of unease at the thought. Drinking blood was far from your comfort zone, as your experiences with blood were limited to minor accidents and dental procedures.

"It does sound a bit intimidating," you admitted, your voice tinged with apprehension. "I've never done anything like that before."

Sunghoon nodded understandingly, realizing the unfamiliarity of the concept to you. "I completely understand your concern. It's a significant step, but I assure you, I'll be there to guide you through it every step of the way."

He gently took your hand, his touch offering a sense of reassurance. "We'll start slowly, with small amounts. I'll make sure you're comfortable and safe throughout the process. You won't be alone in this."

His words, coupled with his caring demeanor, helped alleviate some of your worries. You began to consider the possibilities that lay ahead.

"I appreciate your support, Sunghoon," you replied, mustering up courage. "If this is what it takes to be with you and embark on this journey, I'm willing to give it a try."

Sunghoon's eyes lit up with gratitude and love. "Thank you, Y/N. Your trust means the world to me," he expressed, his voice filled with genuine warmth.

"Let's start, shall we?" Sunghoon smiled, gently taking your hands in his. You nodded, watching him get up and get a cup. "You can look away if you want."

Choosing to avert your gaze, you listened intently as the sound of blood pouring into the cup filled the air. It was a strange and surreal moment, knowing that soon you would be consuming that very substance. Your heart raced, but you trusted Sunghoon's guidance and the new love that you two were creating.

The clinking sound of the cup being placed on the table made you turn your head, catching a glimpse of Sunghoon as he healed his cut with his vampire abilities. It was a fascinating display, reminding you of the extraordinary world you were about to become a part of.

Your eyes shifted back to the cup, anxiety creeping in once more. Sensing your worries, Sunghoon reached out to reassure you. "Don't worry, Y/N. Just think of it as a cup of wine," he suggested, his voice soothing and comforting. "An expensive and rare kind that you can't get anywhere else."

His words brought a hint of lightheartedness to the situation, and a small smile formed on your lips. Sunghoon's ability to find humor even in unconventional circumstances was one of the things you admire about him.

Taking a deep breath, you mentally prepared yourself for what lay ahead. As you lifted the cup to your lips, the scent of blood filled your senses, mixing with a hint of excitement and fear. You closed your eyes and took a small sip, feeling the warm liquid glide down your throat.

The taste was distinct and unlike anything you had experienced before. It carried a primal energy tinged with a hint of sweetness. As you swallowed, a surge of energy coursed through your body, awakening these random senses.

As you placed the cup back on the table, your eyes met Sunghoon’s. He smiled and was glad you didn’t back out. This was only the start, and Sunghoon would gladly walk that path with you.

FOURTEEN — always forever

Sunghoon's voice trembled with concern as he pleaded, "Please, Y/N, you need to drink this as well." You lay in his bed, eyes tightly shut, consumed by fear and doubt.

"I'm really scared, Sunghoon. I don’t know what’s happening to me," you confess, your voice quivering. Cold beads of sweat trickle down your forehead as the symptoms of the transformation continue to unsettle you. The thought of relying on blood for sustenance forever sends a chill down your spine. "I don't want to spend eternity feeding on blood."

"I understand your fears, Y/N," Sunghoon spoke softly, his voice filled with compassion. He grabs a cloth, wiping off the sweat on your forehead. “This feeling is only temporary. After this, you’ll be back to normal again, just with new abilities and drinking blood.”

He watches you open your eyes, looking at the cup of blood on the nightstand. The blood started to increase more and more daily, making you feel worried.

"Once the transformation is complete, you'll gain better control over your vampire instincts and abilities," he explained, his voice gentle yet reassuring. “You can’t just die on me here, just because you don’t want some blood. We made a promise.”

“I don’t know…” Fear was starting to eat you alive, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to continue this. You felt like dying; these new abilities were starting to take over your body. You felt your teeth shifting and your body stirring with random feelings—you had no control over your body.

It took a while for you to realize the process wasn’t pretty. The thought of relying on blood for sustenance sent shivers down your spine, and the mere idea of an eternal existence dependent on it felt overwhelming.

Sunghoon noticed you felt like giving up. He prays that you wouldn’t; he couldn’t bear seeing you leave, especially after trying out his idea. He found himself falling for you; it was impossible to get out now.

He reached for your hand, pouring out his true emotions. "But please remember that I love you. I have never felt this way before, and I can't imagine my life without you. This transformation is a means for us to be together and embrace our future. It won't define our entire existence."

His words reached the deepest corners of your soul, stirring emotions that intertwined with your fears. The intensity of his love and the profound connection you shared offered a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness of uncertainty.

"But Sunghoon," you whispered, your voice trembling with vulnerability, "what if I can't handle it? What if I can't adapt? I don't want to lose myself or hurt anyone."

Sunghoon's hand gently cupped your face; his touch was warm and reassuring. "Y/N, I have complete faith in you," he declared, his voice filled with unwavering belief. "You're strong, and together we'll navigate this journey. I'll be by your side every step of the way, guiding and supporting you."

His eyes locked with yours, their depth revealing his sincerity. "You're not alone in this, Y/N. I’ll be yours always and forever.”

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you absorbed his words, feeling the weight of his love and commitment. Though your fears still lingered, his unwavering support brought you solace and reminded you of the extraordinary bond you shared.

With a trembling hand, you reached for the cup, your gaze never leaving Sunghoon's. As you took a sip, his tender smile filled you with a sense of courage. It was the strength of your love that would carry you through the uncertainties, assuring you that together you could overcome any obstacle.

In that moment, you knew that your love for each other would be the guiding light amidst the darkness. As you embarked on this transformative journey, you held onto the belief that love could conquer all and that with Sunghoon by your side, there was nothing you couldn't face.

From that point forward, you mustered the strength to confront your fear of blood. There were moments when the metallic taste in your mouth became overwhelming, and you longed for a different existence. However, with Sunghoon's unwavering support and guidance, you persevered.

As time passed, you noticed the unmistakable signs of your transformation. Your once ordinary teeth have now sharpened into the iconic fangs of a vampire, marking your departure from humanity. It was a strange and exhilarating feeling, knowing that you were no longer the same as before. Sunghoon observed your progress with pride, a smile dancing on his lips as he witnessed your remarkable adaptation.

Under Sunghoon's patient instruction, you embarked on training sessions together. He taught you how to harness your newfound invisibility and leverage your enhanced speed to capture your future prey with precision. Although you made occasional missteps and errors, Sunghoon remained a pillar of calm and support, always offering gentle guidance, unlike his interactions with his own brothers.

Together, you honed your skills, learning the delicate balance between strength and restraint. Sunghoon's understanding and empathy fostered an environment of trust and growth. With each passing day, you grew more confident in your abilities, emboldened by the unwavering belief Sunghoon had in you.

"You're doing great," Sunghoon reassured you, his words instilling a surge of confidence within you.

"You think so?" you asked, seeking affirmation.

"Yes, absolutely," Sunghoon replied with a warm smile. "You're adapting to this new life with remarkable ease. It's truly impressive, even more than I could have imagined."

His genuine praise filled you with a sense of pride and accomplishment. Hearing such words of encouragement from Sunghoon, who had experienced the vampire transformation himself, meant the world to you. It reaffirmed that you were not alone in this journey and that your progress was real and significant.

Sunghoon's unwavering support gave you the strength to push beyond your limits and embrace the challenges that came with your newfound abilities. With each step forward, you grew more confident in your capacity to navigate the vampire world alongside him.

"Thank you for being so patient with me, Sunghoon," you said, a genuine smile gracing your lips.

"Of course, YN," Sunghoon replied, his own smile mirroring yours. "I'll always be here for you, ready to offer my support and guidance whenever you need it."

His words resonate deeply within you, reaffirming the strength of your bond. Sunghoon's unwavering patience and dedication have been instrumental in your transformation journey. He had never faltered in his commitment to helping you navigate this new world and discover the extent of your potential as a vampire.

With Sunghoon by your side, you felt an unspoken sense of security and assurance. He had become more than just a mentor or guide; he was a pillar of strength, a source of comfort, and a confidant who understood you in ways no one else could.

As you gazed into his eyes, you knew that this journey was not just about becoming a vampire. It was about the profound connection and trust that had blossomed between you. And with each passing day, your gratitude for Sunghoon's unwavering presence in your life only grew stronger.

ENHA PERM TAGLIST — @flwoie @ixomiyu @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @starcubes @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @woon2u @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @tnyhees @teddywonss

TAGLIST FOR BITE ME — @soov @lunacrtk @differentchildwombat @amortenha @kyungssem @skinnyzlegendz

[sweetzscore]

What if I fakeposted about my ocs. What then

-24 notes

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Me: [after talking about aliens n space for 3 hours] I dunno I just think they’re kinda neat

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Your record is actually four hours

🛸 ang3l-baby

Sometimes I just black out and talk about doctor who a lot too

32 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

Ive had girlfriends before which is really weird because I am the most idiotic loser ever. Bitch what do you see in me

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

This is true you are very much a loser

🎬 samthehotdog follow

I second this

💣 emooooeeeekid

Listen here you little shits

128 notes

🎬 samthehotdog follow

I’m very publicly intersex and my favourite thing about this is that I am a high schooler and my classmates get rlly confused all the time and its so funny

🎬 samthehotdog

I like to ask them why they’re so interested in my dick (or lack thereof) and they usually just combust or something

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

high schoolers are very invasive an insensitive so I like to give them the funniest answers possible

I once told a kid that when I was born they asked me if I wanted a dick or a vag and I couldn’t decide so they gave me one of those multicolour pens where you click down the things to get the new colour

🎬 samthehotdog

That. Is the best thing I have ever heard

241 notes

🍊 bowser-jrjrjrjr follow

Theres so many fucking fags at my school I hate this stupid place

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

What are you doing on this website

🍊 bowser-jrjrjrjr

Stfu tranny

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

I go to OP’s school and I can confirm he is very stupid and mean and nobody with any sense actually likes him

🎬 samthehotdog follow

Lmaooo

339 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

Vent under the cut

read more

💣 emooooeeeekid

Fuckin got you didn’t I

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Go fuck yourself

💣 emooooeeeekid

Don’t mind if I do

🧢 jord-the-trans follow

There’s something wrong with both of you

63 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

>be me

>have a crush on a guy

>guy likes someone else

>other guy is homophobic, used to be my friend but dropped me when I came out

>dont have the heart to tell my crush

Hes gonna get his heart broken either way and like :((( UGHH i just want him to like me

🎬 samthehotdog follow

Oof thats rough pal

🧢 jord-the-trans follow

Yeah Im real sorry abt that Val :(

A little off topic but I didn’t know you had a crush?

💣 emooooeeeekid

Haha nope. No crush here. I dont have any crushes nosireee

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Real subtle mate

42 notes

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Im just gonna make it clear right now if you don’t think that straight aces are lgbt i need you to get the fuck off my blog right now

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

are you vagueposting abt your boyfriend’s haters

🛸 ang3l-baby

Die mad

402 notes

anonymous asked: wait you have a boyfriend ???

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Actually @:reedinthemarsh isn’t my boyfriend he’s my wife

🍬 reedinthemarsh follow

When did we get married also when did I transition???

🛸 ang3l-baby

It’s only a matter of time

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

GELP???

26 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

My parents think that me being non-binary might be confusing for my little brothers but I explained it to them once and they immediately understood, said “okay” and then asked me what my 2nd favourite colour was

13 notes

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

URL check

Cosmic: nope

Girl: nope

Thing: sure why not

[drdemonprince]

Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.

I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.

I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.

transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.

if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.

ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.

maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.

[lemmmmmmmmmmonade]

tell me about your current Favourite Guy. Tell me anything you want about them you have full permission to Go Nuts. also whats your credit card information

Shout out to Ronald Roy Raymond Rockwell, gotta be one of the characters ever

So, a while back, I decided to watch through various DC animated shows, and really thought that Firestorm was neat, so I decided to delve into his comics (this was also around the start of me finally getting into actually reading comics and not just reading the lore of them because I was so intimidated to jump in and not understand what was going on)

Cut to now where he's my profile picture on every site I can plaster a pic of him onto. He's endearing, what can I say? He has a bit of that Spider-Man charm to him (makes sense I guess, he was co-created by two men who worked on it for a while, particularly Gerry Conway, who wrote for Amazing Spider-Man during the 70's, including the death of Gwen Stacey. Idk I just thought that was interesting) But,

Who the hell is this guy

Ronnie is one half of the hero Firestorm. Then he's the whole shebang. Then he's one half again. Comics are weird man. But the basic deal is that he was caught in a giant nuclear explosion alongside nuclear physicist Martin Stein, and they fuse together into Firestorm, The Nuclear Man. That accident also rendered them the ability to transmute any elements into any other elements. I am fully serious when I say if Firestorm weren't so commited to the bit, he'd be one of the most powerful characters in all of DC. But then a lot of stuff happens, he joins the JLA, he gets caught up in that crisis on those infinite earths, he gets sued, he dies (he got better dw), but I'll just finish off with a few cliff notes

He got essentially drunk off of atomic radiation he absorbed once

He made that goofy ass outfit himself as soon as he figured out his powers

He got sued, yeah. For accidentally destroying property while stopping a villain, but honestly he probably should have gotten sued for a lot of other stuff way before that

Like that fact he turns so much stuff into asbestos to stop fire

Ronnie it's the 1980's people know that's a carcinogen at that point

Stop making things into asbestos

Shit got weird for a bit after he got a nuke dropped on him

Like how the story transitioned from weird science stuff as a base to pure fantasy and Firestorm became a fire elemental which completely nixed the whole nuclear part of the character

Literally two of his villains are more popular than him right now (Killer Frost and the Weasel)

He's got ･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: DADDY ISSUES :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ

He died so bad he came back as a black lantern when that event happened, and when he was fully revived he immediately went back to college and partied it up

But despite all of that, the reason I find myself liking Ronnie is that it's his immediate gut instinct after he gets powers to help people. Even when he's sulking and being angsty, he gets over it as soon as someone needs his help

also i dont have a credit card, would debit work

[last-flight-of-fancy]

I would love to hear your trans alphinaud and lesbian alisaie headcanons or more about the subtext you see! Especially alisaie.

AHHH oh gosh i would love to answer!! Though I must admit that these are built from many (MANY) small moments across the whole game more than a few easily pointed at examples, which means its.. kind of difficult to pull up (and remember) all the evidence.

That being said, i do still have Many Thoughts about it :DDD

First off trans Alphinaud was set into my mind very early on by one simple fact: identical twins are almost always born the same sex. like almost invariably, with the very rare exceptions needing some wild extenuating circumstances. and you cannot tell me those two are fraternal.

now ofc this is fiction, and a fantasy world besides. who's to say the writers knew that particular fact? well good news! alphinaud presents a *lot* of other common trans experiances, which are scattered throughout the msq and optional side dialogue.

(shoutout to me for having the exact same thought four years apart before and after playing the game myself. i have absolutely no memory of the first post at all because i also have no memory of watching my partner play shadowbringers even though i definitely did. rare adhd memory loss win! i got to experiance my favourite thing for the first time twice!)

post 1: dated 2019, talking about how alphinaud is extremely trans coded, being an identical twin of a different gender to his twin, cannot swim, is body shy and *extremely* hesitant about using public showers, and having interests that are traditionally coded as feminine in fiction.

post 2: dated 2023, the same thing but this time talking about how wonderfully alphinaud and alisaie are made to complement each other in opposite ways.

he cant swim: related to the body-shyness and hesitance around the showers, its VERY common for trans people to experiance these things due to dysphoria and societal perceptions. i myself started experiancing this (even though i LOVE swimming) when pubescence started to hit. (it sucks!) alphinaud was probably one of those ones who realised VERY early what he was (logic boy who is too dang smart for his own good) so he just.. never learned to swim at all. kept his nose buried in books instead.

traditionally feminine interests/abilities: sure it could be trope subversion, but personally i think theyre also things he just enjoyed before transitioning and thus continued to do.

and one more that i can remember off the top of my head: alisaie's reaction to estinian mistaking her for alphinaud.

"but alphinaud has no problem with being mistaken for-" let me explain, i swear it makes sense.

see, alphinaud is a little logic boy at heart, we know this. he knows he and alisaie share their features, that is simply a fact. alisaie though? alisaie is ruled by feeling, and reacts accordinly. most notably the Incident when she first meets estinian.

what i find especially interesting about this is that prior to that moment with estinian, neither of them appear to have much issue with their similarities. it's only after shadowbringers that alisaie reacts with such contempt

(probably not helped by her not liking estinian much in general lol)

what this says to me is that some time before or during ShB, alphinaud told alisaie that the way people mistake him for her does bother him, but he can't blame them for the mistake considering the circumstances, so he just doesn't mention it.

alisaie however can and will blame them and thus the next time someone mixes them up (rip estinian) she EXPLODES. because it's not about her. if it was about her i honestly dont think she would care nearly as much. but it's about her brother, and how dare you hurt her brother's hidden feelings by not being able to tell them apart.

(completely seperate headcanon but i do think that estinian is faceblind as fuck, which means he never stood a chance on this one, poor guy)

okay now for lesbian alisaie <3

what WAS it that thancred said about battle scars and maidens? and whyfor are you thinking about this alisaie? :3

also: Tesleen.

also also: Emery (A Malm in her Shoes short story)

fr tho alisaie pays attention to and talks about girls a lot. in a way she never does about boys. bringing up my complementary opposites wrt the twins thought from before, it honestly could've been another way the writers COULD have done that, having alisaie attempting to impress boys with her athletic skills the same way alphinaud tried to impress girls with his artistic ones (something he is teased about repeatedly). like the absence of this potential parallel is almost suspicious tbh...

once again, any one of these things in isolation is probably simply a choice in writing, but all these things together spell out to me one thing: alisaie likes girls. exclusively.

(im sorry you wanted lesbian alisaie thoughts more and i have less of that than the trans alphinaud ones, but if you come back in 3-5 years when i've finished my second msq run i will have compiled a far more complete list of evidence for both complete with screenshots, probably lol)

[the-s1lly-corner]

i think it would be so cute if you wrote headcannons abt silly little things johnathan ohnn would do around alchemax when him and reader are coworkers. imagine their desks next to each other 🥲

Random hcs for Jonathan Ohnn and his coworker!

Didnt know if you wanted this romantic or platonic so I'm writing this as

Both?? If that makes sense?? Like majority is neutral with a more romantic segment at the end?? Help

Side note I love this gif

Anyways not proof read we die like uncle Aaron

Obligatory you guys leave things on each others desks; notes, snacks, a drink, ect ect ect

You both also have your own set of inside jokes, and probably gossip about y'alls other coworkers

Probably just a me thing because I love dynamics like this but yall are just. Constantly bubbly around each other, like

Yall can glance at each other and make a slightly goofy expression and the other is trying to hold it together

I just wanna see Jonathan happy, man :( his whole Jonathan to spot transition kinda actually makes me sad like bro was just doing his job

Anyway

I feel like Jonathan can get fairly wrapped up in his work; forgets to take breaks.. he really appreciates when you come over and leave a bottle of water on the edge of his desk, makes him feel cared for

Side tangent but I personally hc that even before becoming Spot he never really had many friends, much less ones that look out for his wellbeing like that. Doesn't help that he's kinda

Awkward and closed off but hes not

Evil or mean spirited (yet/hj)

"Jon you gotta start standing up straight" "UHHHGGHH *fine* dad/mom!!🙄/j" and similar interactions

Whenever you two are assigned hands on work/experiment shit yall are both just. Bouncing off each other the entire time if that makes sense

Like yall are a power duo; you guys get the work done in no time and actually?? Have fun?? Work goes by fast when you're doing it with someone you enjoy being around

Hopping back in the silly stuff he would NOT stand up for himself if someone was taking his lunch; and if he does he makes like. A piss poor attempt at standing up for himself sooo if you're on the fierce side (or just have a backbone) he would really appreciate it

"Excuse me he asked for NO pickles!"/j

Now onto the romance yahoo

Tbh I dont know if alchemax would be the type of company to outright ban coworkers from having relationships with one another, I can kinda see it swinging either way

But I've never been good at writing hcs for characters needing to slink around so let's say it allows that stuff

Anyways

Jonathan is an awkward sap, like

Imagine glancing over at his computer and seeing him looking up pickup lines (bad corny ones)

He uses them 5 minutes later on you

Stuff like that

Also while I dont normally like characters that dip into the clingy/jealous category Jonathan/spot is an exception simply because I legitimately cant see him not being at least a little insecure

But the good news about being a scientist is that hes good at problem solving; he communicates!!

You guys are both so

Obvious

At least he is; one good compliment and hes red in the face

Outright flirt with him and hes basically glowing red

Back to the bad pick up lines he will be over the moon if you say one back

Building off the "you guys leave things on each others desks" thing he leaves like. Flowers and candies he knows you like on the desk

A moment of silence for your desk when your birthday or valentines day happens 😔

Imagine someone hits on you and he just

Wanders over, puts a hand on your shoulder and just

"Theyre taken"

But like, in a cringey ☝️🤓 way

😭😭

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[crushedsweets]

How do you do your coloring? (Ex: ur clock drawing) I feel like mine ends up not blending into each other and looks off even when the colors are close. Im still kind of new to digital so i dont know the problem vs traditional. Love ur art!!

tysm!!! im not too sure how to explain it but. ok i really have no idea how to explain it. ill try.

i use a big version of the smooth watercolor tool to lay out flat colors & blend, then use the rough pencil to add that sorta chalky/unblended look i like. when using the rough pencil tool, it does NOT blend, so the colors just cover eachother which helps with adding texture instead of smoothing it all out... JUST REMEMBER NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BLEND, its okay to have transition colors instead!!!!!!!!!!

i usually go for more saturation, reddish tones, and use analogous colors to shade! i rarely darken the color more than i saturate it, if that makes sense... I FOCUS ON COLOR-PICKING THE FIRST 5-7 COLORS/SHADES I CREATED, rather than creating more! occasionally i use the air brush tool to add a light blue hue into the shadow. idk why. i saw others do it and thought it looked good so i copied. occasionally, i'll do a brighter red on the outside of shadows like a transition color. . .

IM SORRY IM REALLY NOT GOOD AT EXPLAINING THIS i really recommend finding an artist you like on youtube!!! i dont think ginjaninjaowo does flatout tutorials, but I LIKE HER STUFF + she explains her process and you can watch her speedpaints to get an idea! the drawfee show also aren't tutorials but you can watch their speedpaints while they chat over art challenges, and its cool! but those are just some ppl i like. .

i really just recommend googling a youtube tutorial for coloring though!

[mollyolikeme]

Thoughts as I read TSC: A Stream of Conciousness Part Two!

Filthy Spoils!

classic kevin.

LOL keep saying i see how much you bench as if thats an indicator of someones ability to kickass

HA! i always forget about the sixteen hour days shit, i cannot, i find it too fucking funny it's fucking impossible. mfs would be DECEASED. like DEAD.

they are so hardcore this fantastical has me CACKLING every time

like a ken doll!

BLONDE.

ill advised thoughts....

uh oh jean, your crazy is showing.

goddamn. to hate but need. complicated and absolutely screwed up relationship dynamics are fascinating.

okay, i like to rag on our beloved kevin (because its fun and easy) but like props where props are due. i know we didn't get to see his transition from raven to fox but i honestly think the boy would have handled it a lot better than jean jean morose over here. boy isssssss messed up.

foreshadowwwwww SWIM SHORTS!

dangerously low? dangerous for who jean?

do not be slut shaming, lucas. thats fucking gross of you and i'm not even gonna mention the nonconsensual factor...........

oh. my. word. its not funny but i feel the morbid sense to laugh at the ravens dropping like flies.

bad therapist. you cant force it. where is Dobson?

OMG LOL i summoned her!

dont you worry about kevin babe, the foxes got him

thats two hands on chin! thats two!

he's got a big dick! lololololololol boys not tryna be gayyyy

oh the heat! the HEAT! yes jeremyyyyyyyy

fear of water.

what happens when he losses his grip......i want to see you lose control......... hi familiar phrasing and trauma, i ADORE you.

in my head, jean has a very french tsk of his tongue reaction to almost everything people do around him.

yesssss the foxes ARE synchronized.

you tell him jeremy! none of his raven intentionally injuring people bullshit

omg were gonna get a little kevin trip to cali! reunion of the abused buds! (again gotta take the morbid hilarity into account for my health)

LOL wheel throwing! Patrick Swayze where are you?!

not the self flagellating notebooks he kept.....

oooooo intense. it all comes to the surface. the truth will always come out.

this is clever, gives just enough info about the ravens without explaining the crime side of things. go nora.

okay damn lucas.... issues buddy. dont be comin after jean jean. you'll regret it.

chin grab number 3! this time by jeremy 🤩

omg cuuuuuuuute little motorcycle ride and seashell gifty

again. uh oh jean. your crazy is showing to the coaches now. this truth is really spilling out the cracks

pause.......... guys my sanity........ my INsanity upon reading this........... im losin it! ......... okay resume.

morbid laughing morbid laughing morbid laughing fuck fuck fuck

yo. to somehow make me feel like neilio's story is a positive tale................

wow lucas. doubling down are we. his character does have a very difficult truth to come to terms with. its fuckin rough and a hella interesting arc.

you should call dobsonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

OH SHIT! neil's here! Thats not good news for you jean!

fy faen neil. you're kind of a gangster babe!

oh. dead sister. so sad. (typing it out like that looks sarcastic. It's not.)

yaaaaasssss thats the smart mouth we know and love! telling an agent he parked illegally!!! ahhhhh lolololololoolol

OMG Neil!!!! sweetheart! you care so much! awwwwwwwww wow nora seriously, what. a. treat! he cares about his buddy jean.

jeremy...... you got it so bad hun. always with the 'what do you need?' like just promise yourself to him forever and ever.

CHIN!!!!!!!!!! FOUR TIMES NOW.

woah Jer.

i like that jean actually doesn't like exy. such a good contrast to neils pov obsession.

im curious where this whole 'its not freedom its a pretty cage' thing is gonna go. like, yea i dont think you'll ever be 'free' free jean. but honestly this is pretty damn close. professional athletes lives are very straight forward. and if youre that good, fuckin easy.

[eirian]

so u know how a while ago i came out as cis

to no one's surprise i think im floppin on it. im probably still trans honestly, just. heavily girl flavored

i wont get into too much detail but ive been thinking abt it for a while. identifying as cis helped me and made me happy dont get me wrong!!! it helped me figure out how to live as my gender more comfortably, in the way i want to. what my gender looks like is up to me, and i needed to try id'ing as cis to understand that better i think.

honestly the line between "gnc cis girl" and "trans nonbinary girl" is so fucking blurred for me at this point i think its just a matter of what Feels Right with my identity, and honestly after id'ing as trans for 11 years, i dont know why that should change lol. my personal transness and trans journey arent just defined by how Not Cis i am necessarily (which i realize sounds silly but i digress), but it also involves like...a bit of a feeling of my gender being Other even if that part is smaller than it used to be, and also the other parts of my journey like my physical transition if that makes sense? i know transitioning at all doesnt Make you trans, lots of cis lesbians have top surgery or go on hrt or use masc names and etc, but for me that was part of being trans. and honestly i do feel a Lot more comfortable labeling myself as trans, whether that be because its been my reality for 11 years or just..cis doesnt feel right after all

so erm. ya. i guess im back to the trans label ✌️