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#no tags cause i can see a lot of ways people will take this the wrong way
caligvlasaqvarivm · 2 months
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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transzilla · 7 months
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Personally i've been obsessed with scary, female and feminine phallic energy actually. Like I transitioned to male thinking I could take some of that  male power for myself, and whew jesus christ some of the shit I saw... For me womanhood has been used against me as a bludgeoning weapon but Never could I have imagined how femaleness and femininity could be used for incredible power and dominance. Both by women and feminine men. So much for harmless soft feminine energy. That's ftm rapists and abusers trying to make themselves seem soft and like women so people can't believe they could ever hurt someone. That's people using femininity and softness to control me, make me wear dresses so I'd minimize my legs and stop moving, poison all joy i could have possibly gotten from being a woman so I can't even hear my own name without flinching. That's other fucking trans men trying to lie and mislead and make me seem transfem within the lgbt community to villainize me. That's multiple of my stepmothers coming into my home, literally in evil phallic man style like in all the pretentious lit analysis, and taking all refuge and safety of my family from me. And not only for evil, like that's "playing the woman card" to get out of speeding tickets. That's trans women pioneering drag and finding ways to learn and adapt and exist in a world that seems to betray you no matter where you go, taking psychedelics and smoking mad weed and becoming incredible musicians and programmers, finding ways to be comfortable and thrive and be beautiful as a woman, like that takes incredible fucking strength that I'd say a lot of cis people don't have in them. That's hiding behind the moronic brute force of men, that's sheer resourcefulness and ambition finding and reclaiming your own power in a world that fixed to take it from you. Like goddamn.
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smol-tired-binch-blog · 10 months
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At this rate I'm not gonna be able to unmute Gaiden spoilers before adding Infinite Wealth spoilers am I
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arcaneyouth · 7 months
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started making a power point presentation about my ocs, made 2 slides, and then just stopped. i <3 creativity
#vent post#negative#mainly for the tags. heres your warning i got sad#to be fair. MOST of the problem is i want to make a power point presentation studying the themes of the story and every characters arc#which is a lot of fucking things! and i don't know how to organize it at all. and it of course has to touch on spoilers#but the other problem is overwhelming thoughts of 'nobody wants to see this' 😔#which is so frustrating cause i have so much proof its not true#people tell me they love my stories and characters all the time. i'm so lucky for that#oh wait lol figured it out. i don't want to make a power point presentation actually#it just feels like the only way i'll ever be able to get across all the thoughts i have without being a bother#but i have a difficult time actually working with power points so it's not actually that fun to make#so i'm not even doing this for my sake i'm doing it for everyone else again god damn it#huh. i don't even really want to ramble about The Themes and the character arcs#i think i just want someone else to do it. to prove that i'm not the only one that sees it or something#to engage with my story and show me They Get It#it feels unreasonable to want but i do want someone to point at the themes and point at specific panels and give me their ideas on it#so we can bounce back and forth discussing the meaning and how the story functions which is my favorite thing ever#but i can't ask people to do that. that takes a lot of effort especially Right Now when everything is awful all the time#and i accept that cause jesus christ everything is awful all the time#but boy can i yearn#hyperfixating on my ocs is very cool. i do love it. i love caring so unbearably much about some guys i made#it does get lonely sometimes tho
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jankillbride · 2 years
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#the sctir brain rot is real even tho I haven’t picked it back up in literal months#just thinking about Han Yoojin and Yoohyun and Yerim and this is why I write fic for them. cause I just. SCREAM#I’m dumping a lot of my thoughts into the authors notes so that when I post it hopefully tmrw I can inflict damage#but it’s just. I love them so much. I have so many agonies scenarios for them#hyj loves his brother so much that he can’t just let him die nor be alone. he’s constructed his whole life of being a caretaker#and if he can’t be a caretaker then what is he? what has he spent his entire life doing?#hyh loves his brother so much that he knows that he can’t get hyj to leave him even if hyh is sure that’s the only way hyj can be safe#not that he wants it of course but he breaks away from hyj so violently because he’s seventeen and he misses his brother and he’s hurting#but this is the only way he can see to actually take care of his brother for once#cause there’s also the guilt you know? my situation is very different from there’s but I’m also a younger sibling lol#and don’t get me started on yerim… oh yerim my childddd#I think about scenarios for all of them and I’m like ach it’s all about love#and it’s the fact that love isn’t the only thing that goes into a relationship#veering more into au territory but the brothers love each other very much but that doesn’t mean that hyh isn’t afraid or bitter thinking#that yerim is sort of a redo/better version of him#cause like Yoojin is older now and more prepared to actually take care of a child and yerim is more outwardly likeable than Yoohyun ever was#and it goes on and on and on and damn I really need to do he#*hw. so gotta leave this rant in the tags#but YEAH anywyas that’s why I hate it when people are just like yh is possessive haha! like you don’t GET it.#esp when people take that to then mean shopping time 🤮🤢🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫#jkb.talk
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medicinemane · 11 days
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The world is set on prescriptivism and... it doesn't jive with me
#I could elaborate on what I mean; but I don't see much point when it's not like anyone's even gonna see this#and I just kinda doubt that anything I'd have to say here would be all that insightful anyway#but I just find myself a descriptivist living in a world full of prescriptivists#which maybe that sounds silly; but I promise I mean something specific with it#and a lot of what I mean boils down to the concept that almost everyone seems to 'know' the right way to go about this or that#where as me... the more I live the more I find everyone's path is unique; and the stuff that worked for me isn't a good fit for everyone#and on the inverse; things that make me miserable might be exactly what someone else needs#every solution needs to be custom tailored to fit the person who uses it; that's what I find#(you can make some general guesses or nudges; but you're going to need to treat the patient; not the chart)#(ie; you're gonna need to actually engage with the specific person and figure out what works; not just toss generalisims at them)#so that's my stance; I don't try and say how things should be (when it comes to people) I just try and see how they are and go from there#...that's not how much of anyone else tends to view things; so I find anyway#everyone always has infinite advice about how you can do exactly what they think would fix your situation#and it comes from a place of caring; doesn't it? they say do this cause they're convinced that's what you need to do#but... both for me and for others I find it's rarely that simple; if it was that easy they'd have already done it#it's like my last therapist; all these ideas about what I needed to do (that were dumb; but had a kernel of sense in them)#(things like his suggestion I play pvp in a game with bad pvp and also I hate pvp)#(when the better suggestion was to group more; because the point was to get out of my comfort zone in low risk ways)#but he had all these ideas and it felt like he got very frustrated when I wasn't moving forward; so... I quit seeing him#and... turns out what I needed to move forward was to wait like a year or two for a big shake up#where I finally had the chance to leverage things into owning my house... and then I could actually act again#like right now I may be stuck; but not like then; I actually do have many ways forward that I can try and work on things#(and... I slowly try to... I'm not why people seem so convinced that I haven't thought of trying to move forward...)#(I just suck and it takes me a long time... way longer than I'd like... but I do try and keep moving forward)#eh... why do I even bother writing shit like this?#mm tag so i can find things later
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ramonathinks · 5 months
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THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS — gojo, geto, toji, higuruma, nanami, choso, sukuna x reader ft brief kusakabe cameo
Summary: in order to become a full fledge succubus, you must have a meeting with the seven deadly sins in the underworld. but you weren't expecting a meeting like this.
Tags: (18+ MDNI), 8some(?)/gangbang/orgy, dirty talk, breeding, squirting, mention of a lot of kinks, anal play, fingering, handjobs, blowjobs/throat fucking, daddy kink, size kink, riding, cunnilingus, overstimulation, exhibitionism, slight impact play, orgasm control, nipple play, breath play, mutual masturbation, snowballing, praise, dumbification, degradation, dominance/submissiveness, cock warming, pet names, finger sucking, dacryphilia, hair pulling, ball stimulation, doggy, slight mlm scenes between Geto and Gojo ofc, full nelson, mating press, double penetration, anal fingering (female), etc.
tagging: @omgeto @screampied (also thank you bae for making the banner 😘🤞🏾) @hoshigray (thanks for beta reading babe!) @kingkonoha @kanekisfavoritegf
A/N: please for the love of god, don’t ask for no part 2. i think a lot of people underestimate how hard smut writing is and especially since this is an eightsome. THANK UUUU FOR 1.6k followers & for waiting as long as you did for this! (5.4k words)
“Well, there’s one last test you have to complete…” Yaga told you, his face was a bit flushed. “It’s rather — er — well… Actually, I’ll just send you to them so that they can explain it to you.” He did an awkward cough and escorted you to the elevator; where he clicked the illuminating number seven. “Just tell them you’re here for your last succubus test.” He gave you a thumbs up and let the doors close behind him.
“Okay, cause that wasn’t totally weird.” You muttered to yourself, watching the elevator’s number increase. Your heart hammering in your chest. You’d been training for this for the past two years, you couldn’t believe you had one last test.
When the door opened, your eyes widened. There were dark velvet color drapes that decorated the entrance of the room as you stepped off the elevator. Every step you took, you felt a deep sense of uneasiness erupt in the pits of your belly. “Hello?” You finally mustered up some courage to speak. “I’m here for the last part of my succubus exam!” You exclaimed, noticing the dimly lit lights above you creating an ominous yet sexual atmosphere around you. Your thighs trembled. 
“Come in, little lady.” A man’s voice said as a door warped in forth of your body and pushed itself open. “Shoes off.” The man said. Hesitantly, you walked inside and slipped off your shoes. Your eyes roamed across the room as you noticed how wide it was – a velvet carpet floor that was soft between your white colored toes. Bits of fog clouded your vision; you could make out bodies but not faces.
“Oh, she’s quite a looker.” Another voice says around you – wrapping around your body like a snake. 
You heard a snicker, “You’re right, and I could smell just how wet she is; that’s the best part. Can’t wait to eat her up.” You could practically hear this person lick their lips. 
“She doesn’t even know what she’s in for… innocent little slut.” Your knees trembled at that. The way these men were speaking had you hot all over, even the air felt different as you stepped forward.
You swallowed, “I can hear you–”
“Oh, believe me… we know.” This time, when this voice spoke, he raised his hand and the fog split down the middle before completely leaving. Then, you were able to truly see the men who sat in front of you, and your body ran cold.
Seven men, who you were able to recognize from the many lessons you had drilled into your brain from your classes. You gulped as most of them chuckle upon seeing your eyes finally take in just who you were looking at. The legends themselves.
The Seven Deadly Sins: Sukuna Ryomen — Pride, Kento Nanami —  Sloth, Suguru Geto — Gluttony, Satoru Gojo — Lust, Choso Kamo — Wrath, Toji Fushiguro — Greed and Higuruma Hiromi — Envy
You swallowed, “So — um— what’s exactly the final part of my exam? Do I have to…like… pretend this is Jeopardy and answer a bunch of questions?” You heard a small scoff. 
“No. This is more the showing part of your exam.” Sukuna told you, his eyes trained on you. “We need to see you score high marks in satisfaction. Do you understand?” 
You bite your lip; it was difficult understanding what he was saying and not be dripping wet. They were all so beautiful, your nipples prodding out of the thin layer of your dress. You’ve had sex before, but that was way before your genes had kicked it. Twenty-one, inexperienced and horny. Now, you’re older and had basically been celibate for two years (excluding your times of pure masturbation). You were convincing yourself this would be a challenge, and it was one that you were intrigued to take.
So, you slipped your dress down, standing out of it completely and stood stark-naked in front of their prying eyes. 
“Yeah, this is going to be fun.” Toji smirked, walking towards you with his unbuttoned pants low on his hips. “The thing about sex is,” he pressed his palms to your shoulders and lowered you down. “It’s degrading. So, I want you to sit here on your knees and to keep your mouth open while I feed you this dick, got that?” 
You nodded and opened your mouth. He was about eight inches and it looked heavy in the palm; he could barely fit it in one hand, so you wondered if it would fit down your throat. But as he put it in, you already knew your answer. He didn’t move, just stood still. It was something about him standing there with his hardening cock in your mouth that turned you on. “Suck,” he told you, and you did just that, like a good girl. Sucking around his cock with a wet mouth, pulling him out to tap his dick right on your tongue before tonguing at his slit. He hissed and pulled back before shoving it deep into your mouth, and your eyes rolled back.
Bubbling spit drips down to his balls and you squeeze them, taking him out of your mouth for a moment before trailing your tongue up and down his entire dick. Reaching his balls, you take one in your mouth and suck one then you trail your tongue back up to his tip. Spitting on his cock, you stroke him. “Damn, girl; you've been waiting for this, huh?” He grabs your head and focuses you to take the entire thing, his hips harshly thrusting in and out of your mouth.. You barely notice that someone’s behind you until they fondle your breast, and you jump a bit before relaxing. They kiss your shoulders and move up to your neck, making you shutter and moan around Toji’s cock. He groans above and snaps his hips against you, pulling you closer to his pelvis, “Fucking, mouth is killing me.” You suck harder when you feel a hand on your clit.
“Pussy’s so damn wet.” You can hear just how wet you are, and it’s embarrassing. The squelching noises fill your head and over makes your legs open more. “You like sucking his cock that bad? That you’re gettin’ this wet over it? Want my cock buried inside of you? Right here?” He taps your cunt and you groan, nodding your head and rocking your hips against his hand. “Can’t even speak with that mouth full and I can still hear you loud and clear, pretty girl.” 
You’re still sucking Toji’s cock, putting your hands on the floor to truly get more around him, pushing your head even deeper into his hips. Pulling him out of your mouth, you press hot kisses on his tip end then place him back on your tongue, now looking him in the eyes. You could tell he was close with his eyes shut and his head pulled back. He was throbbing on your tongue and his hips were moving faster; they swirled a bit before he shook with a deep orgasm. His hot cum rushing down your throat, and he moaned loud, “Ah–fuck, fuck.. fuck***!” You kept sucking, the fingers on your clit moved in achingly slow circles. And when Toji pulled you off his cock, they finally slipped inside. 
“Now gimme a kiss.” You did, with shaking hands and closed eyes. Sloppy and wet, drool dripping down the sides of your mouth before he pulled back and licked his lips. The fingers inside of your greedy pussy rubbed your insides, and you humped against them. 
“Keep going, please.” Your eyes were closed as you rode their fingers, unsure of who it was but knowing that it felt good. A thumb on your clit and kisses on your back before colder hands lifted your breast, kissing and biting them playfully. “Oooh, please.” 
He sucked, “You like that?” You whimpered out something even you couldn’t understand. Your body is simply a toy at that moment. His tongue moves over each nipple and makes delicate swirls around them. Finally, you open your eyes and see a bundle of long black hair – Suguru Geto, who sucks on your breast with his eyes closed and rubs at your other nipple with another. Arching your back into him more but also seeking comfort in the person behind you, who’s using their fingers to scissor your gooey insides. Briefly looking up, Geto pulls away from your breast and kisses the person behind you, only a small kiss but it makes you wetter regardless. 
“Kiss me again, made her little pussy clench.” He kisses him again and your wetness soaks his hand. 
“Satoru, you sure that was for her, not for you?” Geto chuckles, and you can feel a hardness pressing against your back. Geto moves back down to your breast when someone takes your hand and moves their cock inbetween. 
“Thought you were gonna let us have all the fun, Choso.” Gojo snickers behind you, curling his finger enough to make you moan aloud. You see a good amount of precum and your mouth suddenly feels dry. Taking your hand, you jerk him once and he already looks as if he’s going to cum. 
“Her hands are so soft. I..” He’s stammering. “Wait…Need to cum…” A small whimper leaves his lips and he uncontrollably jerks his hips up; fucking your hand. Applying a small bit of pressure to the tip, his eyes shut and he’s jumping back. Sticky wetness drips to the floor and he stands on shaky legs, his eyes pleading with you. Gojo rubs his fingers between your folds; keeping you in the palm of his hands as you play with the others.
“You wanna cum inside of me, hm?” The moment you utter that sentence he bends over, almost sobbing as he nods his head. Twisting your hand around Choso’s red leaky tip, you lick a trail up his frenulum. Winking at him you pull back and kiss Geto, swirling your tongue around in his mouth before Gojo pulls your face to kiss you. Moans take over the room while you roll your hips and move into Gojo’s fingers and Geto takes the opportunity to slip a nipple in his mouth and you try to ignore the feeling to focus on kissing. But you couldn’t focus, when you heard wet noises surrounding the room and you didn’t need to look up to know what it was; everyone was jerking off and it made your body scorching hot.
“Wait,” You whisper, close to Gojo’s mouth and gently pushing Geto’s head away from your breast, standing on trembling legs and walking to Choso. “Thought you wanted me, baby…” A flip switched, no longer at the whim of men. He’s speechless, just nodding his head and swallowing. 
He mutters a quiet, “I do, please…” He kneels, rubs up and down your legs and you place your foot right on top of his sticky boxers.
“Want me to step on it, baby?” Your voice is low and condescending, a smirk tugging on your lips.
He’s gnawing at the skin on his lips and his face is flushed. “Y-yeah?” Your smirk twists into an evil smile before your foot presses down on his leaking tip and his head leans back. His hips raise but you don’t move an inch. He’s whining and sweet small whimpers leave his lips as his hips thrash against your foot.
“Beg for it.” He can only whine, no words to be spoken as he humps your foot with breathy broken moans filled the room.
“Baby—” He’s looking up at you with dark eyes, his confidence shining through, just a bit. Smiling at him you bend your knees and put his cock between your dominant hand.
“Ready?” You ask and he nods. “Need you to speak up...” Hovering your dripping pussy over his upright cock, almost close to entering, slipping the head between your hot folds is what makes him speak up.
“Ye-yeah.” He gulps and pulls his lips to yours, kissing you. Your eyes roll back a bit and you swear you can see stars, sliding the tip of his cock at your aching slit, you both shiver before you finally let his cock slip inside. He makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat and his thighs clench under you. You pull back from him and salvia breaks apart, which he lips back up with an awkward smile. Putting weight on your knees, you bounced up and down on him, your tits on full display as they bounced with every move you made. The loud sounds of your pornographic moans filled the room along with the wetness noises of slapping skin; taking more of his cock inside of you each time you bounced down.
Turning your head, you look at Gojo and Geto and like a bee to honey they both rush over; Geto rubbing at your clit with a nipple in his mouth and Gojo kissing your lips, drinking your moans up. 
“I think im going to lose my mind, the way she’s riding me… oh fuck, im not going to last.” Choso hisses underneath you and grips your hips, trying to slow your pace. Slowly, he fucks into you, dragging his cock into your inner walls and feeling your pussy squeeze him in a tight hug. 
“You’re such a good boy Choso.” You lean down to kiss him as Gojo focuses on pressing kisses to your spine. Raising your hips and slamming back down you whisper in his ear, “Don’t you want to fill me up? Don’t you want to cum inside me all night like a good boy? Huh?” After that there was no more talking for a while as you fucked him, rolling your hips in circles and moaning in his ear. Choso’s body was wuthering trying to keep up with you; your pussy splattering out white cream as you kept a dangerous pace before his stomach caved in.
“Be gentle with me, please? Please baby or I’m—” he mouths out your name when he comes, thick ropes as his hips jerk, his eyes rolling back. He’s heaving loudly, digging his fingers into your hips as he comes down from his high as his body trembles. 
You barely get a minute to catch your breath before Geto and Gojo slaps their cock on your cheek with dark smiles. You open your mouth, knowing that both can’t fit inside but hoping that the tips can. Their cocks graze each other and you swallow around them. 
“Slutty mouth, taking both of us.” Geto whispers to himself as he shoves more inside, his hand on your head. You gag and they both groan with pleased looks on their faces, Choso’s cock twitches inside of you. 
“Choso, don’t you think you're being greedy? I wanna fuck her too…” Gojo whines, looking down at your puffy wet eyes as you choke more on their dicks; both of them throbbing on your tongue. Lifting your hips, a small pop is heard and bits of cum leak out of you. Looking down at Choso’s half hard cock you grin, he’s breathing so hard with hooded eyes.
“Can’t wait to play with that ass,” Geto tells you and your eyes widen a bit. Slipping their cocks out of your mouth, you take his balls into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks so tight around him that he pulls you off. 
Gojo is quick to turn your attention to him, he ignores Geto’s annoyed stare as he lifts you up. Turning you to the others, he holds your body for everyone to see. Your entire body was being stared at, pussy on full display — soaking wet with cum and your own slick— his cock hard and standing upright, teasing your clit. He grips your thighs and spreads them a bit wider, small strings from sticky folds breaking off as your pussy spreads. 
He enters you, fills you up and your toes curl. “Fucking tiny, aren’t you baby?” His cock angled perfectly at this position, slick running down your thighs as he fucking directly into you. He’s hitting a deep gooey spot inside of you making wetness come out of you in spurts, your moans making Gojo shiver above you. 
“Hold her still for a minute,” Geto whispers, face directly by your pussy, wetness shined on his face and you felt hot. He must’ve been there for a while. Licking up a long stripe from Gojo’s tight balls to his cock before he nuzzles his face into your cunt, pressing his tongue hard on your pulsing clit — your thighs shake when he pressed a small kiss there. He wraps his tongue against the bud and you jump a bit when Gojo does a small thrust, knocking you loose when he hits that spot again. Geto licks and swirls his tongue around before he moves back. “Just wanted a little taste…” He spits on your pussy and watches it slide down Gojo’s cock. “Looking fucking pretty with his cock inside of you, ya know that?”
You whine, barely able to talk at the sensation coming from your body. “Sloppy pussy making all that noise, hear that?” Geto urges you to listen to the plat wet noises that fill the room and once again, you feel something taking over you. 
“Are you gonna let me come inside too? Huh, my little treasure?” Gojo bites your neck playfully, thrusting deeper, a long moan leaving your mouth. You don’t remember Geto pulling himself to stand but when you feel his cock slap right to your clit, you jolt. Running your slick and his precum. 
“Let me stretch this pretty ass out, you think you can take both?” His face is flushed, his fingers circling your asshole before his thumb plays with it, you clench a bit before relaxing. “Oh? Already been played with.” He says, spitting on his hand and rubbing it in before he gently nudges his tip into your tight hole that’s stretching ready to take him. 
Almost too easily, it slips in and he huffs out a laugh, “So proud of you, I knew you could take it both of them.” He’s stretching you open and your eyes are blown wide.
“Ohhhh!” Leaves your mouth as they both thrust inside of you, both holes clenching and unclenching around them. “Ohh, god.” Messy sounds between the three of you and two bodies come to your sides, both placing your hands on their aching cocks. Your eyes are so heavy you can’t tell who they are , but your hands move up and down regardless with their hips meeting every thrust you give them. An unfamiliar hand on your clit makes your back arch and you can hear laughing above you. “Gojo.” Your voice slurs out, his cock coming close to your cervix and twitching inside of your tightness. 
Rough fingers circle your clit again and you gasp, “Please? Please?” You don’t know what you’re begging for until both Gojo and Geto do hard thrusts inside of you, making your thighs almost squeeze together.
“You like it here? Right here?” You can’t tell who’s speaking but Geto grinds his hips in circles, your bodies so close. The amount of wetness leaking out of you, makes you dizzy and now your tongue lolls out of your mouth before Geto kisses you hungrily massaging his tongue against your own, pulling back and spitting in your mouth, watching your throat swallow. 
“Oh you like being full huh? Fucking stuffed…” Your voice is lost, you can only nod with a fucked out smile on your face. “Really gonna fill you up, sweetheart.” The softness of your insides squeezes them both and you can see Geto’s eyes close and you can imagine that Gojo’s is too when Geto throws his head back and both of their cum gushes into you.
“Fuck— fuck,” They say together, both slipping out a bit, panting. Cum splatters out of both your holes as your pussy and ass flexes, you whimper when they both finally slip. Your hands are still jerking the two other cocks as Gojo holds you tightly before one of the men grip your hair and shoves his cock into your mouth, completely to the hilt and your eyes water. You look up to see Nanami’s blonde locks and his deep brown eyes looking at you, Toji’s rubbing big circles on your clit and now squeezing one nipple with his other hand and Higuruma’s cock pulsing between your other hand. 
“C'mon little love, pretty mouth needs to be soaked again, too.” You moan around him as he uses your throat, pulling you by your hair, groaning when he feels  you swallow around him. Your eyes flutter close as you suck with your, pulling him out so that his cock can sit on your face while you catch your breath. You can feel Gojo hand your body to Toji and you feel empty for a second not realizing that Toji’s leading you to a bed. 
He lays you flat on your back and Nanami moves between your thighs, bending over your body. 
“Some men like to see you touch yourself, I'm one of those men. Show me and I’ll reward you like the good little girl you are.” Nanami whispers right next to your ear. “Then I’ll help you, yeah? Would you like that?” You nod quickly and he moves back, sitting to watch. 
“Play with those pretty tits for daddy.” Your hands move faster than your brain and you reach for them, tugging at your nipples then squeezing them while you look at him. Your body is so overstimulated, you feel like you’re going to come any second. “Don’t come until I say so.” He reaches over to slap your clit and your thrash up, wanting him to touch you more. He slaps your pussy again and a wet stream follows down your ass before pulling again to just watch. 
You circle your nipples, looking at your breasts and tempted to reach down to please yourself. “Look at me… look at me while you touch yourself.” You whine and with eyes clouded with tears, you look at him. “Touch your pussy.” He looks directly at your pussy when it clenches around nothing but the air. 
You circle your clit but you ache for his fingers; they’re long and slender. Pressing deep into the bud with your middle and ring fingers, squishy gushing sounds while you work yourself up. Your fingers slipping inside briefly before you let out a frustrating sigh.
“Poor girl can’t even finger herself correctly, want daddy to show you?” You look up at him and he’s replaced your fingers with his and he’s curling them together, your legs quaking as his fingers fucks more squirt out of you. “Gotta get ‘em really deep to stretch this little cunt open.” He tells you, pushing against your g-spot a little, breathy moans leaving your mouth. Pulling his fingers out, he slips them into your mouth, twirling them around so that you can taste Gojo, Choso and yourself all on your tongue. “Your turn, put these fingers in deep.” He helps you put them in and curl them just like he did; he presses kisses to your lips and looks down at the puddle in the sheets. 
Your eyes roll back and you can’t breathe, he pulls back and looks at you. “You’re so pretty like this, you know that? Prettiest girl ever, just for me to see.” But it wasn’t just for him to see. You were putting on a show for all of them. Touching yourself and spreading your lips as their hungry eyes looked over your body.
He moves between your thighs and with a gentle tap to your clit, you both moan. You bite your lip, “Daddy, I—” He ignores you, pushing himself through your soaked and wet lips. He slides up against your slit and you shiver. He gives you a wide smile and kisses your lips; licking against your tongue, shushing you. Pushing forward, he moves your legs up so that your knees are pressed against your chest, once he enters you, cum leaks into the sheet. 
“This is what you want right? To be mine forever, to be ours forever? You don’t want to use your powers on anyone else… just me— just us?” He asks, pushing his cock deeper watching your face morn into a pleasureful expression. His cock has a curve in it and with the angle he has you in, you can feel every inch as he rams into you; fucking you while his cock fucks down and deep inside of your slutty cunt; his balls hitting the rim of your ass the harder he goes. 
Higuruma comes next to you and puts his cock in your mouth, not moving. Gathering spit in your mouth, you swirl your tongue around the head, teeth grazing him a bit and he seems to like it by the way he grips your hair. Choso stands on the other side of you and pushes your head his way, you let his hips thrust harshly and his balls slapping against your chin before Higuruma grabs your face and jerks off with your eyes on him; which Nanami doesn’t like. 
“Keep your eyes on me.” He grabs your face, his hips slamming against yours. “They can do whatever they want but when I'm inside of you, you keep your eyes on me.” That makes your eyes snap to his and even with the cocks in your face or in your mouth, your eyes are locked on his. His hips lose rhythm, stuffing you and he mutters a ‘fuck’, close to coming and you tighten your pussy to milk him dry. When he finally spills inside you get annoyed when you don’t cum. 
“Tell us you want it. Say how bad you need it.” Nanami says, a smirk engraved on his face.
“I… I want it, I need it.” His hands slide up and down your thighs.  “Please let me cum. It’s too much, I don’t think I can take it.” You needed to cum badly, pushing your hips up to his again. He slips out before slipping back inside and doing that over and over again before he slides in deeper, hitting that special spot inside of you harder than Gojo did and you cream around him. 
“Thank you, so—hah— so much, daddy.” Your pussy is flexing open and close as you stare at him, taking Choso’s cock back into your mouth then switching to Higuruma’s and suckling on the head. 
“Such good manners for a slut, don’t you think boys?” He says and you can hear the smiles on all of them as they agree and you feel giddy, almost satisfied. 
Higuruma moves from your mouth and hurries to your pussy, not saying anything as he spreads the lips before diving inside, his tongue licking up every bit of everyone before him and his nose nudging against your clit, you pushed his head deeper, grabbing his hair and grinding your hips so that he nose can hit every nerve in your clit. “Ohhh, sir, please just keep it right there.” Applying the pressure yourself and wiggling your hips, your legs stretched far and your brain turned to mush. “Gonna come, so hard.” You gasp before your legs cramp up slightly when you push him impossibly deeper. 
“How’s she taste?” Toji asks, looking at your face as you groan and squirm. 
“So fucking sweet…” he meets your eyes. “Better than anything I ever had. Don’t think anything could compare.” He nibbles on your clit. “It tastes better than heaven.” That was your breaking point and what made you break, cumming hard and squealing as you did. 
 Toji doesn’t care about you cumming as he digs his face in and sighs at the taste.
Using his fingers to spread you open. “I see what you mean Higuruma, this fucking sweet nectar on my tongue,” Toji uses more of his nose and your hips grind more, trying to feel more of his nose on your clit. 
Nanami’s cock is in your face and your head is upside down on the bed; head on the edge as you lie back and his cock fills up your throat, your eyes closed. He watches and feels you swallow around him and he mutters out a small, “Fuck, you’re killing me dollface,” when he can actually see himself, the outline of his cock inside of your pretty throat. He runs a finger up and down. He does a small squeeze to your throat as you suck, sloppily. But you wanted a bit more, the taste overwhelming your mouth making you move yourself to the edge of the bed, your nose on his pelvis and the small bush of his pelvic hair tickling your jaw. Even upside down, he could see the dazed look in your eyes, blown and bright as he slowly thrust his hips into your mouth. “There she is, there’s my girl.” 
You can hear Gojo laughing when he says, “She’s so far gone, all she knows is that she loves this. Little brain doesn’t work without a cock filling her up.” Agreements are heard all around and you feel so small, but Nanami rubs your head, scolding them with a stare. 
You can feel the presence of Sukuna before you see him; all touch around you disappearing before he bullies his cock inside of you, saying nothing. He just stares at you, your body humming as he rocks inside of you. “You like that? Gonna make a mess outta you.” He says, your mouth in a permanent ‘o’ shape, his heavy cock slamming down and filling your body up as the breath leaves your throat. “Dirty, filthy slut. Aren’t you, woman? All this cum inside of you and still want more, little pussy begging for it.” You clamp down on him and he hisses, still talking to you as he digs deeper inside of you – he probably has the thickest cock of them all, you can feel it in your throat. “You like being paraded around and fucked like a whore, like you’re nothing, you dirty little girl.” 
You’re nodding, gasping for air and nodding as he speaks down to you, getting wetter as he speaks to you. “Mhm. Yes, Oh– I do.” He has a devilish grin and he moves forward to bite your lip and then kisses you deep. 
“Just needed a real man to dig this pussy out the right way, yeah? To stretch you out. They weren’t doing it like me… c’mon, I know you’re close. So sensitive and wet for me. This fucking pussy’s crying for me,” And he was right, it was. It was weeping and with every stroke, more wetness covered his cock, dropping and splattering underneath you both. He licks the tears that fall from your face and asks you, “You like pleasing me? I can see it all over your face whenever I put my dick inside of you.” More tears fall and you can only nod your head at him, sobbing. 
His pace gets faster and more rough, bending your knees so that they touch your ears and your thighs shake move than they have today, thin milk colored cream mixed with wetness and so much overflowing cum leaks out of you but he doesn’t stop, just continues, slows down and then speeds up again. You can’t keep up with him, just lying there as he fucks you; small soft moans still leaving your lips. He coos at you, kissing your forehead. “Gonna fucking, cum inside my pussy, okay? This is my pussy.” He asserts his dominance over you and your body more than any of the others. With a strained moan, he fills you up; just another load inside of you that makes your eyes roll back and eventually they close. 
“Come back to us baby…” You hear murmurs around you, your body hot and flushed all over, your cunt and tits sore. your throat is scratchy. “I think she passed, right boys?” They chuckle and nod before Geto speaks again, “But, let’s try again to make sure she really gets it.”
Just then, the door opens and you can hear a shocked gasp, everyone looks in that direction. 
“Hey, Kusakbe, wanna train to be a sinner today?” Your legs shook and you huffed, looking up at the man who just entered. He smirked at your vulnerable form.
“Well…What the hell, yeah.” He unbuttoned his pants. “Ready for me, pretty?”
10K notes · View notes
arminsumi · 1 year
Text
DO IT RIGHT — 五夏
SatoSugu ⋅ fem reader
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🔞 suggestive / partly n.sfw
SUMMARY — Suguru and Satoru each have their own differing ideas of what makes a good make out session.
WARNINGS — make outs n kissing, SatoSugu, jealousy, light angst, they fight over u, lovably annoying gojo, calling you sl*t playfully, "dirty girl" n maybe other nicknames, smidge of sexual tension/undertones ig
WORDCOUNT — 2.4k
TAGS for the lovelies !! 💗
@buttercupmuffins
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" Slow and sensual; that's how it's supposed to be done, Satoru. You rush your kisses. You're too chaotic. "
" Yuh but I get more bitches than y — "
" — when was the last time you kissed a woman ? "
" Junior high. "
Suguru started cackling. The two of them were sat in your living room apartment. You peered at them from over your computer, the blue light glaring in your eyes.
" What the fuck are you two on about ? " you asked, taking your earphones out completely and halting the progress of your essay.
" None of your business. "
You sighed in response. That was such an expected response from Satoru.
" We were debating what makes a good make out session. You know, like ' fast or slow ' ? ' Chaotic or sensual ' ? Mister six eyes over here has opposition to my beliefs as usual — don't fuckin' wink at me, you freak. "
Satoru giggled. " Of course, 'cause your beliefs are flawed and quite frankly you're full of shit. Blech. Hey, you agree, don't you ? "
You looked up in thought for yourself.
" I don't know. See, chaotic movie-like kisses are something lots of people want. But then again, lots of people prefer slow and romantic kisses. They really want to intertwine bodies with their lover and — "
Suguru completed your thought.
" — and become one with each other. Yeah, you get me. "
" Hey now, I'm not saying I agree with either of you. I haven't even kissed one of you. Maybe you're both shit at kissing, now that I think 'bout it. Haha. " you chuckled to yourself.
The boys raised their brows at you. Ah, a common ground; both taking offense from you.
" Why don't you come over here 'n experiment with us, princess ? " Suguru murmured condescendingly. His earrings caught your eye.
Your stomach dropped. " Huh ? " you blinked dumbly.
" Don't get all coy with us now. Come over here. " Suguru teased.
Satoru arched a brow at you and smirked. " Yeah, come. You can help us settle this debate. "
" Mhm. " Suguru nodded.
You were reluctant, because... well, this could fuck up the friendship, right? They didn't seem to mind that, as they entrapped you between their bodies and kept you there. Imprisoned between their competing passion.
" Me first ? "
" Uh, no way, asshole. Me first. "
" I'll choose. "
" Nah, let's flip a coin. "
So they flipped a coin at Satoru's insistence.
" Call it. " Suguru said.
" Heads. " Satoru called.
You observed Suguru's attractive, veiny hands as he tossed the coin and caught it, smacking it onto the back of his hand.
" . . . heads. " Suguru groaned.
" Yay . . . smooches for Satoru. " Satoru cheered.
" You're so cringe. " you said, crinkling your nose.
" Shut up or I'll stick my tongue down your throat — "
" — you mean you weren't planning to do that ? What a pity. I like French kissing. " you teased.
That caught the boys attention. They exchanged a look, and now a tension built up between you three.
" Okay, if you want me to, then I will. " Satoru tried to remain confident, but the idea of French kissing you was destroying his cool composure.
" I want you to. So get to it, boy. " you said.
Suguru raised his brows at Satoru and smirked. He sat to your left, long leg propped along the edge of the couch, encasing you there.
Just before Satoru leaned in to kiss you, swift and cheeky as he was, Suguru interrupted with a quick, teacher-like stutter.
" Hey, nonono. We're setting a timer. Five minutes each, precisely. "
" Of course. " Satoru rolled his eyes. " Well hurry up then. "
" Impatient much ? " you chuckled under your breath. Satoru went a bit red.
The split second Suguru started the timer on his phone, Satoru engulfed you in a kiss that nearly knocked the wind out of you. He was chaotic. Feverish. Gliding those candied lips across yours was up there with the best decisions he's ever made.
He tilted his head into the kiss, tongue swiping and slipping in eagerly to play with yours. And with how he French kissed, you almost wanted to giggle; he was so playful.
Suguru watched. And observed. And thought about how he's going to win you over with his approach to kissing. What you needed, he thought while seeing how Satoru whimpered into your mouth, was a sensual man who takes his time.
" Time's up. "
" What the fu- "
A string of saliva connected you and Satoru, his lips felt tingly and he still wanted more even after devouring you.
" Five minutes go by so quick . . . "
" Uh-huh. When you're having fun. Sooo ? " Satoru looked at you expectantly.
" Rather hold back your judgment until you've tasted me, hm ? " Suguru stopped you before you made any comment on his best friend's kissing style. " Come on. Come closer. I don't bite. " he said, making the last part sound so sultry that a shiver ran down your spin.
Now Suguru . . . oh boy, Suguru. How he kissed. You were already dizzy from Satoru's fervor. But Suguru ? One little peck at your chin to test. Then he pressed teasing, leadup kisses to the corner of your lips.
" Su — " he muffled your call of his name with his lips, drinking up the rest of the syllables like a thirsty wolf.
His big hands molded to the back of your head, tangling up into your hair. Tilt tilt tilt. Press. Such a deep and hard kiss. You felt like your perception of reality got fucked up a little for a moment there.
He swiped his tongue across your bottom lip, wetting it, and once you opened your mouth for him he just smirked at your acceptance. In his mind, he was aiming to kiss you like he was converting you. Damn near kissed like a cult leader, you don't know why but you thought of that description right then.
That buttery soft tongue made you moan. The sound caught both the boy's off-guard.
And then the poor white-haired boy started glaring.
" Okay, okay, time's basically up. "
" Hmmmf ? " you looked dazed.
" How much time was left before you just cancelled that ? " Suguru squinted annoyedly at his best friend, hands still keeping you in place. His lips were barely parted from yours, so every shake of subtle anger in his vocals vibrated subtly across your lips.
" I dunno, fifty-two seconds ? "
" That's almost a whole minute left you asshole ! "
" Yeah so ?! You gonna fight me over it, big boy ? " Satoru challenged.
" What are you getting so jealous for ? "
You widened your eyes at the argument springing to life. The air felt so tense and hot. You could feel their heats radiating from their faces as they flushed from anger.
" What are you kissing her so deeply for ? Are you trying to fucking prove something ? "
" Oooooooh, pretty boy is jealous jealous. " Suguru said venomously.
" Boys, please don't fight. This is not such a big deal. " your voice came in between them.
They looked at you bitterly.
" Whose kiss did you like better ? " Satoru asked.
" Mine. No offence, but Satoru you kiss like a fucking high schooler. "
Satoru clenched his jaw. " I was asking her — not you, Suguru, baby. "
Oh he's angry angry you thought. Satoru always used nicknames with people he liked, but when the word baby came out of his mouth in that tone? God have mercy on whoever's on the receiving end. Unless it was someone who could match that intensity...
" I'll tell you what I liked and disliked about both of you . . . to be fair. Okay ? How's that sound, boys ? "
God they loved it when you called them like that. Yeah, they're your boys alright. They loved being your boys.
" Okay . . . sure. That's fair. Go ahead. " Suguru said. A small nervousness crept across his chest, but he hid it well.
You paused for just a moment to collect your thoughts.
" Damn just spill already ! "
" Let her think, Satoru. Impatient bitch. "
" I will fucking bite you. "
" Then bite me. "
" Boys. Calm down. "
So they listened. Your word was supreme, after all. If you told them to stop, they stopped.
You tilted your head and slowly began laying the truth on them. " I liked the way you held the back of my head so possessively, it was really hot . . . " you told, directing at Suguru.
Satoru grimaced. Why didn't he do that? He was mentally kicking himself.
" . . . but I preferred how dramatically you kissed me. " you directed to the sulking white-haired boy. Then his features lightened a bit.
" And ? " Suguru encouraged, eager to hear more praises.
They leaned in very close for the fact they were just listening to you speak.
" I didn't like how sloppy and wet Satoru was. "
Satoru cringed at himself. He was very self-conscious about being a sloppy kisser.
" Haha, sloppy kisser. "
" Suguru shut the fuck up. "
You quickly turned down the heat between them and knocked Suguru off his high horse.
" You're a bit of a show-off kisser, not as romantic as I imagined you to be. It feels like you were trying too hard to win me over, or something. "
Oh, he hated that you could deduce that. He really thought he had you.
" Fair enough . . . " it was his turn to sulk.
Satoru smirked. " So you prefer me ? " he winked, " I mean, of course you do. "
" No. I like both of you. "
" Okay, slut. " Satoru rolled his eyes. " If you had to choose — "
" Don't worry about offending us, we can take it. "
" Yeah right, you're gonna fucking cry if she chooses me. " Satoru cheeked.
The tension rose between them again. But this time, there was this... oddly violent passion. Some sort of suppressed, stifled romanticness brewed between them. It's always underlined their conversations before, even their arguments. This indescribable, undeniable tension — not the jokingly " I'm so gay for my best friend " stuff. No, something genuine. Something that was not a joke.
" Why don't you kiss each other ? " you blurted out.
Satoru looked at you like you were crazy. " What the fuck ? "
" I mean, to make it fair . . . and get better insight into how the both of you kiss ? I-I don't know, just a thought. "
" Just a thought ? A horny thought I bet. " Satoru chuckled. He was going red in the face. And so was Suguru.
" What the hell. I'm innocent. " you defended.
" Riiight. "
Suguru had been thoughtfully quiet. Then he finally spoke.
" . . . I'm down. "
" WHAT. " Satoru freaked out. His face went completely red now. You could feel how hot he was.
" Yeah let's go for it. " Suguru shrugged.
He froze up. His heart palpitated. Stomach dropped. Eyes went blown wide open.
" I-I-I yeah ? Okay ? Sure. Yeah. Alright. Then. Let's. Do — it. "
" Wow, I don't think I've ever heard you stutter like this, Satoru. " you teased.
" Shut up ?! Shut up. Let's just do it and get it over with. "
" Yeah. Okay. Come here. "
" What the fu- you come here. "
Suguru raised his brows at him. " Seriously ? "
" I'm more dom than you. " Satoru said proudly. " Come here. "
" Nah, you come here. "
" No way ! "
You sighed. " Wow, this is going to take a while. "
" Nonono, we're doing it — " he kissed him, " — see ? "
" Satoru, such a cute peck. We're supposed to make out. That's what you want, right Y/n ? "
You stomach flipped. His tone. His damn tone. That cocky glint in his eyes. Suguru was so teasingly seductive right then.
" Y-yeah. For five minutes. Just like we did. "
" Okay. Set a timer. "
Satoru looked like he was shocked from how fast he just kissed his best friend. Such a short peck had his stomach doing loopies. You could tell he was going through a crisis.
" 'kay, timer's on. "
So they melted their lips against each other right in front of you. Satoru was stiff at first, but loosened up the deeper he fell into his best friend's kiss. More than that, he succumbed to the sultry feelings that Suguru radiated. You know, he just had that thing about him. That air. He was alluring and enticing, almost dangerously so at times.
You listened. Watched. Glanced down at the timer. Really, you set a stopwatch, not a timer. A little experiment. You wanted to see how long they'd take to realize how long they've been kissing for.
And it's well over five minutes. Lips smacking, heads tilting, bodies coming closer. Suguru's bangs brushing over Satoru's cheeks, hands cupping his flushed cheeks. What a sight. Two pretty best friends going breathless over each other.
" 'how long's it been ? " Satoru mumbles in between kisses, totally in a dazed state.
You hide your smirk. " Just a bit left. "
Suguru gave you a suspicious side eye. Oh, butterflies. He caught onto you right then.
He thought;
Well if you want us to put on a show, we'll put on a show. Just for you.
And dipped his tongue between Satoru's parted lips, erotically swirling around — slow, sensual, languid.
" ahmmm ~ " Satoru almost made a noise close to a moan, and then got embarrassed.
You gulped and watched. Did they forget they were doing this in front of you? Your face was right there.
You stared hard.
Suguru smirked and parted from the kiss, holding the face of a dazed-looking Satoru in the palms of his hands as he spoke to you.
" Did you even set a timer ? Ah, whatever. Stop staring, dirty girl. Come join the fun. Three's company, you know ? "
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4K notes · View notes
alisonsfics · 11 days
Text
keep it a secret
pairing: tyler owens x javi’s sister!reader
summary: after javi leaves stormpar to join tyler’s team, the two guys start getting along better. but, as javi’s sister, you know he doesn’t like tyler enough to let him date you, so both have to be a little creative to keep your relationship a secret.
word count: 2.8k
warnings: implied smut but that’s it
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“We hope you had a lovely flight, and welcome to Oklahoma City.” The pilot said over the loud speaker. You anxiously tapped your fingers on your leg, waiting until you could get off the plane.
You were in Oklahoma to visit your brother, Javi. Following in your brother’s footsteps, you were studying meteorology in college. So, whenever you had breaks from classes, he let you tag along on their storm chases. You had taken your last final exam that very morning. Now, you were calling Oklahoma home for the next two months. It would be the longest time you’ve spent chasing with your brother.
It also would be the longest time you’d spent with your boyfriend, Tyler.
The first time Javi took you on a chase, he introduced you to Tyler, who instantly caught your eye. Javi noticed the way you looked at him and quickly forbid you from going out with him.
As a true younger sister, you ignored him and snuck out with Tyler. He drove you both to a field near the motel where you were staying. He showed you all the constellations, and he’d kissed you. You both agreed that it had to stay secret from Javi, who would’ve killed Tyler if he knew his hands had been on you.
It was fine when you were at school cause Javi had no idea you both were texting and FaceTiming daily. But, when you came to visit them, you both had to be a little sneaky.
Normally it was only a week or two at a time, but it was your summer break, so you had Tyler all to yourself for two whole months as long as you could avoid your brother.
You were one of the first people off the plane, eagerly walking towards the pickup area.
As you pulled your suitcase behind you, you could feel the butterflies in your stomach when you thought about seeing Tyler.
You walked outside and spotted Tyler’s big red truck. Him and Javi were standing outside the truck, waiting for you.
Tyler saw you first. His eyes landed on yours, and your insides turn to jelly. He shot you a quick wink before Javi saw you. You blew him a kiss, giggling to yourself.
Tyler nudged Javi, pointing in your direction. Javi lit up when he saw you. You quickly walked over to them. Javi immediately pulled you into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you so much. It’s good to see you.” He said.
“I’ve missed you too, Javi,” you said, laughing at the way he almost tackled you. You both separated, and your eyes landed on Tyler. “Hi, Tyler,” you said, smiling up at him.
“It’s nice to see you again.” Tyler said, with a twinkle in his eye. He gave a quick hug that you both wished lasted longer. “Let me take that for you.” He said, grabbing your suitcase from you and putting it in the back of his truck.
Javi opened the passenger door and started to climb into the truck. “C’mon, sweetheart. You gotta sit behind me, I got a bunch of equipment on this side.” He said, guiding you towards the other side of the car.
Once you were out of Javi’s view, you gave Tyler’s hand a quick squeeze. “I’ve missed you, gorgeous.” He whispered to you before opening the car door for you.
He held out his hand for you to hold as you climbed into the truck. You missed the way his calloused hand felt on yours. He carefully closed the door for you before getting in the driver’s seat.
“Hey, Tyler, do me a favor. Don’t call my sister sweetheart again.” Javi said, clenching his jaw. Tyler let out a loud chuckle. He was usually able to get away with calling you sweetheart because he used the nickname with lots of people.
“Why? You feelin’ jealous? Cause I can call you sweetheart too,” Tyler teased, expertly changing the topic. You and Tyler both had gotten pretty good at quick subject changes if it came too close. Javi scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Alright, Owens. Just drive.” Javi told him.
You saw the mischievous smirk on Tyler’s face in the rearview mirror. “You got it, sweetheart.” He said, winking at Javi. You could hear Javi groan to himself.
The whole ride to the motel, Tyler kept glancing at you in the rearview mirror. One time he almost swerved off the road because he got too distracted looking at you.
Tyler pulled into the parking lot, and Boone and Kate were waiting for you. As soon as you got out of the car, Boone ran over to give you a hug.
Boone was the only one who knew about your relationship with Tyler. He had gone to grab some of his equipment from Tyler's truck and found you both making out in the bed of the truck. Tyler had sworn him to secrecy, and sometimes, Boone distracted Javi so that you both could sneak away. You hadn’t met Kate yet, but Javi and Tyler had told you a lot about her.
She joined Boone and quickly introduced herself to you. “Alright, I’m going to go get us some food, so we can have a little sibling movie night. You guys can give her the tour if you want.” Javi said, heading over towards the diner across the street.
Tyler quickly interlaced his fingers with yours. “We will give you two your space.” Boone said, pulling Kate away with him. Kate seemed surprised by the lovestruck smiles on your faces. “Are they dating?” She whispered to Boone as they walked away. He just laughed and quickly nodded his head.
Tyler tugged you behind him and ran over to the side of the motel with the dumpsters where no one could see you. “I’ve missed you so much, baby,” he mumbled, kissing you and pushing you up against the wall.
You melted into the kiss. His lips tasted like his cinnamon gum. “I can’t believe we have a whole summer together.” You mumbled against his lips. His rough fingers slipped under your shirt, caressing your stomach. You whined against the kiss.
“You know we can’t right now. Gotta wait til tonight,” he groaned. Neither of you were patient. The thought of waiting a couple more hours felt like the end of the world. His hands moved higher up, squeezing your breasts through your bra.
Tyler left a trail of sloppy kisses down your chest. He started sucking lightly on your skin near your collarbone. You cupped his face and pulled him back up to kiss you. “Can’t leave any marks, remember?” You asked him, softly.
He quickly shook his head no with a cocky smile. “I just can’t leave marks where anyone could see them. Tonight, I’m gonna mark up your beautiful tits. Gonna make you mine,” he whispered in your ear.
He wrapped his arms around your waist, supporting your weight as your knees went weak. “He’ll be back soon, we should—” you mumbled, forcing yourself to pull away.
He pressed another quick kiss to your forehead. “Just wait til tonight, baby. We won’t have to rush at all. We can take our time.” He told you, sweetly. He smoothed out your shirt before pulling you back towards his truck.
You both saw Javi starting to head out of the diner. Tyler quickly dropped your hand and instead, grabbed your suitcase out of the truck for you.
You tried to grab it from him, but he protested. “You forget that your boyfriend is a gentleman.” He whispered to you. You rolled your eyes at him and followed behind him as he walked towards your room.
He effortlessly picked up your heavy suitcase and placed it on your bed as you stood in the open doorway. You sensed Javi behind you. “Thank you, Tyler. You didn’t have to do that.” You said, smiling at him. He shook his head, also being keenly aware of Javi’s presence beside you.
“You’re Javi’s sister, and that makes you family.” He lied through his teeth. You anxiously glanced over at Javi, making sure he didn’t seem suspicious. “Thanks for driving to the airport, man.” Javi thanked him and walked into the room.
Tyler quickly nodded with a smile. “Yeah, no problem. You both have a good night.” He said, excusing himself and closing the door behind him.
“I got all your favorites. You ready for a movie?” Javi asked you. You quickly smiled and joined him.
You and Javi had watched two movies and ate all the takeout food. Normally, Javi fell asleep early. You’d been counting on it, but every time you looked over, his eyes were glued to the screen.
You felt your phone buzz. You quickly lowered your brightness and saw a text from Tyler: “I can’t wait to see you. Is Javi asleep yet?”
You typed out a quick response and sent it. “Noooo :( he’s killing me. He wasn’t even mentioned being tired yet.”
You glanced over at Javi and saw him yawning. “You seem tired. You should get some rest if we’re gonna be chasing storms tomorrow.” You suggested. He quickly shook his head, trying to wake himself up.
“You just got here. I don’t want you to have sit in here all bored.” He argued. Javi’s one fault was that he was too overprotective, which made sneaking around even harder. You thought about Tyler sitting in his room waiting for you, and you got an idea.
“I’ll be fine, Javi. Plus, me and Kate were talking about hanging out.” You lied. You knew Kate was the one person Javi trusted to hang out alone with you. The thought of you hanging out alone with Tyler or Boone would send Javi into a panic.
“Oh, okay. Go for it. I’m pretty tired.” He ask, yawning again. You practically jumped off the bed. You could feel your adrenaline kick in. It was starting to feel like you’d never get to see Tyler. You gave Javi a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.
You looked around for the room number that was Tyler’s and realized it was right next door. You felt your heart drop. You couldn’t do anything with Tyler if your brother was next door. Javi would hear everything.
You quietly tapped on Tyler’s door. It quickly swung open and revealed Tyler standing there eagerly. You quickly held your finger up to your lips.
He grabbed your waist, pulling you towards him. He peppered your face with soft kisses. “What’s wrong, baby?” He whispered in your ear.
You pointed towards yours and Javi’s room. “Tyler, he’ll hear us.” You protested. He nodded his head, knowing you were right. As much as Tyler wanted to spend the night in your arms, this summer would be hell if Javi found out about you two.
You watched as the lightbulb went off in Tyler’s head. His eyes lit up, and he started smirking. He interlaced your fingers and pulled you with him. You both quickly ran down the stairs, passing Kate on the way. “Hey, Kate. Nice to see you.” You smiled at her, trying to hide your obvious giddiness. Kate laughed at the both of you. “You two have a good night.” She said, winking at you both.
Tyler’s plan became more clear to you when he pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked his truck.
He pinned you against the door, kissing you feverishly. Everyone had gone to bed, so no one was out to see you.
“I’m all yours, Tyler. I just have to be back before Javi wakes up. You have me all night though.” You said, smirking at him. His eyes darkened with lust as his mind ran wild.
He threw you over his shoulder and pulled you into the truck with him. You both ran through every little fantasy you’d had in the last four months that you’d been apart.
Javi woke up to the sun peeking through the motel window. He huffed to himself, rolling over to see what time it was. He rolled out of bed and stumbled through the dark room over to the window. “You wanna go get some breakfast? I need coffee.” He asked you, softly. He pulled the curtains open.
Not hearing a response from you, he turned around and saw your empty bed. Javi felt his heart sink. He ran to his phone to see if you had texted him. He didn’t see any texts. He quickly slipped his shoes on and headed towards the diner, thinking you went to get some breakfast.
He ran out of the room and bumped into Kate. “Hey, Javi. You look a little frazzled. You alright?” She asked him, curiously.
He nodded. “You seen my sister? I don’t know where she went. You guys hung out last night, right?” He asked her.
Kate paused and stared at Javi. “What do you mean? She was with Tyler last night, not me.” She said, simply. All the blood ran to Javi’s face. You spent the night with who?
Being new to the team, Kate hadn’t been informed by Boone that your relationship was a secret.
Javi clenched his jaw and ran over to Tyler’s room, hitting the door with his fist. “Tyler, get your ass out here, man.” He yelled through the door. Kate’s eyes went wide as she realized she had just outed you both. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t stop him. Javi was determined.
“Wait a fucking minute,” Javi said, realizing you wouldn’t have gone to the room next door to his. He sprinted down the stairs towards Tyler’s truck.
He peeked in the window and saw you lying on top of Tyler in the backseat. There was a picnic blanket covering you both, but he could see your shoulders and knew you both were naked.
“Not on my fucking watch.” Javi snapped, banging on the window.
You jumped awake hearing a loud noise. You quickly covered your ears, trying to silence the yelling. Your brain woke up when you realized it was Javi yelling, “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Owens?”
Tyler rubbed his eyes, groggily waking up. “Oh, shit. We fell asleep.” You mumbled to yourself. Panic raced through your veins.
Tyler’s eyes darted to Javi’s face in the window. He quickly pulled the blanket tighter around you, so Javi wouldn’t accidentally see anything.
“You’re dead, Owens.” Javi screamed again.
“We are so fucking screwed.” You muttered under your breath as you and Tyler both tried to find your clothes that were in a messy pile on the floor.
“We’ll be out in a minute.” You yelled at Javi, trying to get him to leave so you could get dressed. You both scrambled to put your clothes back on. “Fuck, where is my bra?” You swore.
“I got it, baby.” He said, grabbing it from the front seat where it had gotten flung. You’d never gotten dressed so fast in your life. “Since, Javi is probably gonna kill me, and this might be my last chance to say it, I love you, and I had a really great time last night.” Tyler said, as he pulled on his jeans.
You leaned over and softly pecked his lips. “I love you too. And he won’t kill you. I mean, maybe not immediately.” You said, trying to lighten the mood.
You stepped out of the truck first, and Javi came storming over. “Hey, before you start yelling, can I remind you that I’m a grown adult and I can date whoever I like.” You said, trying to calm Javi down.
He shook his head. “Not him you can’t.” He snapped, glaring daggers at Tyler.
Tyler slowly got out of the truck and stood behind you. He rested his large hand on the small of your back. “Get your hands off my fucking sister, Tyler.” He snapped. His face was bright red, and you could imagine smoke blowing out of his ears.
“Javi, come on, what are you going to do? Forbid me? You can’t do that.” You said, crossing your arms. Javi was stumped. He didn’t know what to do. He knew he couldn’t stop you. But he also couldn’t live with the knowledge that Tyler was fucking his sister.
“I’m your older brother. Protecting you is my job.” He argued.
“So, if he breaks my break, then you can beat him up, but not before.” You said, stubbornly. Javi glared at Tyler, like he was judging whether he was worthy of you or not. “You treat my sister right?” He asked him, skeptically.
Tyler nodded. “I wouldn’t do it any other way.” He said, genuinely. Javi squinted his eyes at you both. “No PDA in front of me and minimal flirty comments. And, I don’t want to walk in you both like that ever again.” Javi stated.
“Agreed” you and Tyler said in unison.
“Now, I need a coffee.” Javi said, walking towards the diner.
You spun around. “C’mere, cowboy,” you whispered when Javi was far enough way. Tyler slotted his lips against yours and snuck his hands into your back pockets. “I really thought I was a dead man.” He mumbled against your lips.
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560 notes · View notes
water-to-drink · 2 months
Text
If Only I Can Turn Back Time
(Pairing): Zhongli x gn!reader x Childe (separate)
(Synopsis): After taking the life of his lover thousands of years ago, Zhongli finds your current incarnation without another lover
(Tags/Warnings): Angst no comfort, blood, pet names (sunshine, darling, & babe), non consensual touching, not beta read (wrote this instead of sleeping), might feel rushed, (if I missed something lmk)
(Word Count): 1.1k
(A/n): It’s sad bitch hours folks
𓂃 𓈒𓏸𑁍𓂃 𓈒𓏸𑁍𓂃 𓈒𓏸𑁍𓂃 𓈒𓏸𑁍𓂃 𓈒𓏸𑁍𓂃 𓈒𓏸𑁍𓂃 𓈒𓏸𑁍
“Morax…? Why?” You gurgled due to your blood coming up to your mouth due to the gaping hole in your stomach
“I’m sorry it had to come to this, but I told you I would do anything for my people.” The god you used to call your lover replied coldly
You grit your teeth to say something to the stone god, but you decide against it instead opting to let tears run down your face as your vision gradually fades
The mystery of what you were originally planning on being your last words still plagues Morax to this day, in his new life stepping down from his role as archon and living the rest of his days as the mortal known as Zhongli. Were your final words going to declarations of love or hatred? He wouldn’t blame you if it was the latter, he would hate himself too
For years he tried to justify it by telling himself that it was the best for his people, but after the years of self reflection he realized it was only to protect himself. Truly thinking that if you died by his hands then it would save him from the heart break Osial’s betrayal caused him
Letting his paranoia get the best of him after Osial’s betrayal and Guizhong’s death he killed the last pillar holding up his life
“Hey! Are you listening?” The familiar voice of a ginger haired man brought Zhongli out of his bout of self-loathing
“Oh, I’m sorry. Please continue.”
“As I was saying my amazing wonderful beautiful finance is coming to Liyue!” Childe smiled and continued. “Their boat is arriving today and I’m so excited, I wish to have them in my arms and listen to talk!”
Zhongli sipped his tea as the young man continued to gust about you and how much he misses you. Reuniting with your lover is beautiful thing, he remembers the times where you would run into his loving embrace. Spinning you in his arms, hearing your melodic laughter, seeing your precious smiling face, feeling the softness of your lips. Sweet memories that will always be close to his heart
“Ah! Their boat is arriving now!” Childe looked at his watch and quickly ran down to the harbor, leaving his tea on the table. From his seat he spotted the distinctive mop of ginger running to the docks as a boat arrives to port
Though he is not a nosey person, Zhongli couldn’t help himself to hone his hearing onto Childe. Who is this person that captured the bloodthirsty man’s heart and made him giddy like a schoolboy? His curiosity was peaked
“Sunshine!”
“Gingersnap!” A familiar voice rings throughout the dragon’s ears
Hesitantly turning his head he sees a sight that he thought he would never see again. There you are, walking and talking like how you used to before the war. Even the smile he vividly remembers is still the same, only that it’s made for someone else
The Harbinger you’re currently hugging
Still in a state of shock Zhongli didn’t register that you and Childe were making your way up the stairs, until the both of you were right in front of him
“As I told you before, this is my fiancé (Y/N).” Childe introduced
Your name was different but still beautifully matched you, a name he wouldn’t dare shorten it to a nickname. A name that every syllable should be worthship whenever it rolls off his tongue
“Zhongli, pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“Pleased to meet you, Tartaglia has told me a lot about you.”
As the days progressed he got to learn more about this current incarnation of you, there were many things that remained the same yet, some things different. Learning about your new likes felt like he was falling in love with you all over again
“You know Zhongli, it feels like I known you for a long time.” You mention offhandedly
Oh how much he wants to hold your hand and tell you it’s because the two of you were lovers in the past. To beg for forgiveness for what he did to you and promise that he would devote his entire existence to protecting you
Despite priding himself on his patience Zhongli feels it wearing thin with each pasting second. There’s a constant conflict going on inside of him, one side wanting to leave you alone and let you enjoy your new life and the other side wanting you to remember the time where the two of you were lovers. It feels like a kettle that’s about to explode
“Goodbye, Zhongli.” You said, heartbreakingly similar to the way you said your last goodbye to him
Against his better judgement he reaches towards you and wraps his arms around you in a tight embrace
“H-hey! Let go of me!” You said as you struggled against his grip
“Please. Please, remember.” He uncharacteristically pleaded as he began to use some Adeptal magic on you to share some of memories with you
Memories of your first time meeting, your conversations that would last til the sun sets, him confessing his feelings to you, your first time being intimate with each other. Every memory that he has involving you being shared, from the first moment to the last
Slowly you stopped struggling against him and he releases you from his grip. You pushed him away and turned to face him, your eyes had a glint of recollection yet confliction to them signaling that your old memories are flooding back into your mind
“Morax…”
“Darling.” Zhongli whispers as he opens his arms and slowly approaches you
Extending your arm out you stop the former archon from coming closer
He wanted to asked what was wrong but the look of betrayal on your face, the same expression you wore the day he used his spear to strike you down, told him everything that he needed to know
You don’t love him like you did before
Rapid footsteps alerted the two of you to the upcoming presence of another. A mop of orange hair pops up before the harbinger makes his way up the stairs and kisses you on the cheek
“Hey babe, is something the matter?” Childe asked, sensing the tension between the two of you
“Oh I was just saying goodbye to Mr. Zhongli.” You stated with a smile to your lover
Heartbroken he watched as the two of you walked down the stairs, your words getting out of ear shot
You turned to glance at your former lover one last time before returning your attention to the young man
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wonuuism · 3 months
Text
puppy love - 심재윤
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in which jake makes the most if his (expensive) visit to the vet.
tags: fluff, vet!reader, layla’s not overweight irl but for the sake of the plot let’s say she’s been eating a little too well;;
author’s note: idk i wrote this in like an hour bc of a sudden burst of motivation. no proofreading bc it’s 3am LOL. first fic woo!! enjoy!!!
jake’s worried. panicking, even.
layla’s laying down next to him in the back of the taxi, her eyes shifting around nervously. jake’s leg is bouncing up and down as anxiety courses through his veins. layla had slipped and fallen down the stairs while he was home and her sharp whining whenever she walked afterwards made him uneasy. so, he was quick to call up the nearest vet clinic and book the soonest appointment for a consultation.
he’s really, really worried though. layla’s never had any bad scares like this one, so he’s not sure what to expect. what if it’s worse than he thinks? what if they tell him layla’s broken a bone? what if layla has to go through surgery? oh god - jake thinks he might throw up.
he’s interrupted from his thoughts as the taxi driver stops the car and announces they’ve arrived. thanking the driver, jake exits the car and gulps nervously as he surveys the exterior of the clinic. it feels ominous.
a bell rings as he pushes open the door, and the girl at the front desk looks up from the computer screen. “welcome in! how may i help you?”
“uh… i have an appointment at 11:30. for layla.” jake responds.
“awesome, i see you in our calendar. please hold tight while i let the vet know you’re here.” she smiles kindly, but it does little to ease jake’s nerves. still, he manages a tight-lipped smile and curt nod in response.
jake watches as someone emerge from the back, looking at a clipboard in their hands. “layla?”
he stands up right away, prompting layla who had been laying by his feet to do the same. “yes, that’s us.”
you look up at the source of the voice and send him a pleasant smile. walking towards him, you reach out your hand and he shakes it, but not before quickly swiping his palm on his jeans. “nice to meet you. i’m dr. l/n, and i’ll be taking a look at layla today. how about we head inside so i can take a better look at her?”
jake nods earnestly and gently tugs on layla’s leash to have her follow him into the consultation room in the back. once inside, you ask if he could kindly place layla on the table - a request he readily complies to. you’re impressed at how little he struggled given the fact that layla is a fairly big dog. clearly, he was strong. and maybe kind of cute, too.
“so,” you begin, “what seems to be the issue?”
“she had a bit of a bad fall and she’s been limping and whining a lot since then… i’m worried she might’ve broken a bone or something like that?” jake explains as he runs his hand comfortingly through layla’s fur.
you nod as he speaks, reaching over to assess any damage. after checking her heartbeat with your stethoscope, you flex her hips, gently press on her legs, and check on her paws.
as you do so, layla’s continuously making noises of discontent. initially, you had believed that her right front leg was causing her discomfort since she’d barked sharply when you touched it. however, she’d done the same thing for every other limb you’d touched as well. smiling, you turn your attention to her owner.
“i don’t see anything wrong with layla. her legs are fine, i’d say the shock of the fall is probably what made her respond like that. us people tend to coddle our pets a lot when they get injured, and dogs especially like that attention so they exaggerate it to make it seem worse than it is.”
jake is dumbfounded. “so you’re saying layla was just being dramatic?”
you smile apologetically. “yes… i know it’s not the news you were expecting, but that’s a good thing! means she’s not injured.”
you’re right, jake supposes. but that means i brought her all the way here because she’s a drama queen?!
you note the way jake sighs heavily, and it makes you want to try and console him by making his trip to the clinic seem somewhat worthwhile with basic medical advice.
“however, i would recommend putting her on a bit of a diet. she seems to be just a little bit over the ideal weight, and that can cause unnecessary strain on her joints.” you explain and jake nods, hanging on to every word coming out of your mouth. “after all, we want layla to live a long and healthy life, don’t we?” you coo, reaching out to ruffle her neck.
jake smiles. cute.
wait, what?
he takes this chance to finally look at you. he’d been too occupied previously with worry that he hadn’t been able to actually register what you looked like. now, he can see that you are, in fact, cute. you look around his age, and he’s impressed that you’re a vet this young. you suit the scrubs, but he wonders what you’d wear outside of work.
you pull away from layla and jake snaps back to reality. he’s glad layla’s okay. still, he sternly faces her and points his index finger toward her snout. “alright missy, you’re going on a diet starting today. consider it punishment for scaring me like that.”
chuckling, you turn to face him and he mirrors your action. there’s not much left to say, so he thanks you quickly and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. you stay since you have to log layla’s information in your computer. as you’re wrapping up, you add one more thing in layla’s “additional information” section.
additional information: super cute, looks exactly like owner
jake silently mourns on his way back home. again, he’s glad layla’s okay. he really is. but he had to pay an extraordinarily large amount of money just to be told that she’s fine. and a little fat.
he glares at layla, who looks back at him with sparkling eyes. his heart melts at the sight, and he sighs as he pets her. jake thinks of you and the fondness in your eyes as you petted the same fur moments prior. maybe something good did come out of his visit to the vet.
suddenly, he gets an idea. he paid a lot of money for this consultation, so he could be a little greedy. as a client, he could ask for your number, right? after all, what if something truly serious happened next time? he’d rather skip the formality of booking an appointment through the website and speak directly with you instead.
so, he pulls up the clinic’s information and calls the number on their website. a girl — likely the same one who welcomed him in — answers and asks what she could do for him.
“hey, i was just at the clinic for an appointment with my dog layla. i hope this doesn’t sound weird, but do you think it would be possible to get the number of the vet who saw layla today? just in case anything happens to layla again. you know?”
jake physically cringes as he speaks. way to not sound weird.
“uhm… one moment please.” the girl responds. jake hears whispering on the other side of the call.
what he didn’t know was that you were right next to the girl on call, sorting through some paperwork before you saw your next patient.
“doctor! layla’s owner is calling and asking if he can get your number..?” your secretary whispers.
you whip your head towards her, not believing what you heard. layla’s owner? the cute, fluffy hair guy?
she looks as giddy as you feel, giggling as she raises her eyebrows suggestively. laughing at her, you give her a thumbs up and she’s quick to bring the phone to her ear again.
“hello? yes, the doctor said there’s no problem. do you have something to write with? okay. her number is…”
you smile to yourself as she recites your personal number. a bell rings throughout the clinic, notifying you of your next patient’s arrival. you greet them and lead them to your consultation room and as you close the door your phone buzzes.
unknown number: hi, this is jake. layla’s dad. thanks again for the help today. if you don’t mind, i’d like to take you out sometime?
you bite your lip to suppress your grin. quickly, you reply.
you: i’d love that. date and time?
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hier--soir · 9 months
Text
a lover's pinch | seven
joel miller x f!reader
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pairing: professor!joel miller x f!reader rating: explicit, 18+ mdni summary: things get a little messy after returning home. a confrontation sparks the beginning of a new stage in your relationship with joel. warnings/tags: au, university professor joel, age gap [20 something years diff], ethically dubious relationship due to inherent power imbalance, angst, miscommunication trope, self-doubt, alcohol consumption/hangover, joel is 50 and he texts like it, les mis spoilers???, phantom of the opera spoilers???, jealous!joel, food/eating, hurt/comfort, professor DAD, professor COWBOY, soft emotional smut, unprotected piv sex, cream pie, oral [f!receiving], joel says dadgum cause i think it's so classic him and so cute. word count: 11.1k jesus series masterlist | main masterlist chapter moodboard a/n: merry christmas to all that celebrate. as always, thank you for your patience and kindness. the love for this series is nothing short of mind blowing, and i appreciate you all endlessly. i hope you enjoy this angst and potentially the most flowery + emotional ALP smut yet [if that's even possible]. also rachel i love you i'm sorry. without further ado, the beginning of our descent into The End Times x follow @hier--soirupdates if you'd like to be notified when i share my writing this is part seven of ALP. you can read the previous parts here: one, two, three, four, five, six.
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Tuesday.
It's nine thirty in the morning and you buy a Coke anyways.
It’s raining heavy outside; fat droplets of water that splatter against the windscreen of your car and dribble down, slipping through the crevice at the top of the bonnet, searching for the engine, for the oil gasket, for somewhere undercover to dry out.
You tuck your legs beneath yourself, sit criss-cross in the driver’s seat, and take small sips of fizzing black sugar. Allow it to moisten your lips, coat your tongue and your teeth in that sickening, viscous way soda always does, before it slips down your throat.
There’s something unearthly about the day, unnerving—it’s Tuesday morning and you’re hungover. A dull ache behind your left eye, a kink in your neck. You check your phone.
Thick, rolling clouds loom across the sky. Occasionally, a flash of lightning, a thrum of thunder. You tear open a packet of peanuts and pluck one out, and then another. Eat until your lips are dry and puckered, and then take another drink. More peanuts then. Salty, sweet, salty, sweet.
It’s all you can stomach as your liver pumps and spasms, still working to cleanse your blood of the night before, spent sprawled on the couch with Trin and Nora.
Wearing sweaters and thick socks, gripping full glasses of wine, and watching Les Misérables. Nora, tears on her cheeks, had sung along with Hugh Jackman—'This innocent who bears my face, who goes to judgement in my place, who am I?’—and you, bleary-eyed and tipsy, had discreetly checked your phone.
You didn’t cry during I Dreamed A Dream but you’re crying for this? Trin rolled her eyes.
He sacrifices his freedom to save that man, Nora whimpered.
You woke up starving and the traffic was slow. At every red light and stop sign your fingers itched against the wheel, desperate to press inside your bag and pull out this little packet. And now, safe in the campus parking lot, you feast. Salty, sweet, salty, sweet. You feel a fleeting moment of pity for people with peanut allergies, and then you check your phone.
Still nothing.
Since you left New York on Monday morning there’s been no sign of life from Joel. No get home safe, no see you on Tuesday; no acknowledgement at all.
You stare dejectedly at the messages you’ve sent him.
First from yesterday afternoon:
Home now. Enjoy your last day in the big apple x
And then from late last night, two bottles of wine deep:
It’s raining and miserable here
Wish I was still in new york
With you
Sitting in your car now, glowering at the blank space where his response should be, you reconcile with the thought that perhaps he wants what happened in New York to stay in New York. Stolen glances and all-too-brief touches in a conference hall, his hand on your wrist at the museum, skin against skin in his hotel room, and in yours—perhaps it was supposed to happen there, not here. The lowering of walls came with a change in location, and maybe that was his intention. But those thoughts don’t ease the sharp twist in your chest when you think of him. Doesn’t take away how much you wish he would give you something – a morsel of communication, even a single word of acknowledgement. For as hard as you try to understand, you can’t forget the look in his eyes when he touched you at the cloisters, the way he breathed your name into your mouth. Sewing the seed of JoelJoelJoel into in the soft folds of your brain, impossible to forget.
You don’t think about his dinner with Rachel. Don’t consider that something may have happened that night, something that changed his mind about you. Something that made him rethink the entire weekend as you slipped into the shower and out the door, leaving him alone in your hotel bed while you headed to the airport.
No. You don’t think about that at all.
When you make it inside, clothes wet and cool from the rain, you shake your hair out like a dog. Let droplets fly across the hall as you make your way into the lecture theatre; a drizzled trail left in your wake.
The room is full when you step inside, but there’s no sign of him yet. You collapse into an empty chair in the front row and wait. The final few students filter in through the door, shaking out umbrellas and wiping their feet. And for another ten minutes you, foolishly, still expect Joel to show up.
It’s only when the door creaks open and an old man walks through, that you let the hopeful feeling rest.
He lays a worn old satchel against the desk and turns to smile at the room.
“Hello,” the stranger smiles, and his jowls quiver as he speaks. “I’m Jerry Dorfman, a Professor from the literature department, and…”
You zone out for a second, eyes darting down to your phone screen. Nothing.
“Oh, and Professor Miller,” Dorfman says, as if he’s just remembered that he shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be standing up there, in his spot. “Is tied up with a family matter. I trust he’ll be back with us later in the week.”
A family matter?
Slick with rain, staring at this stranger stood in Joel’s place, you feel like a kind of newborn. Some fresh lamb, soaked in the blood and amniotic fluids of her mother’s womb, staring through unseeing eyes, hoping to glean some understanding of this moment. This sudden burst of light, this shocking cold after so many weeks of warmth, of sweat and strong hands on your skin, holding you close. But this is Eros; the blacksmith, the limb-loosener, the crusher. A deviation from stoking the flame to the suddenly desperate, grasping loneliness of feeling as though you are standing by a lover’s window, staring helplessly through the glass, and watching them from the outside. Alone.
Dorfman tries and fails to connect his laptop to the projector.
Numb fingers type;
Are you okay? Where are you?
But no response comes.
No, not until later that night, not until you’re tucked beneath the covers of your bed, showered and sleepy, does he finally reach out.
The clock has just ticked past midnight when your phone vibrates.
Hey, I had to stay in the city another day. Just landed at PWM. See you on Thursday.
A hot, jagged feeling swims in your gut as you read the message, and then reread it. Twice, three more times, searching for some hint of familiarity. Some indication that he has been thinking about you as much as you’ve been thinking about him. That the past weekend meant something to him, like it meant to you.
Minutes pass, and when you don’t find what you’re looking for, you fall asleep without responding.
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Thursday.
Nora wakes up with a stuffy nose.
This always happens to me, she sniffs. I hate being sick.
The tiles in the kitchen are cold beneath your bare toes and rain smears heavily against the windowpane. You can hear fat blooms of thunder bellowing outside. Nora’s sullen, husky voice paired with the steam rising from your mug are all it takes to convince you to stay home with her.
The two of you spend the day curled on the sofa beneath blankets. You stare at your laptop, a document open on your screen with the title of an essay sitting pretty at the top. The cursor blinks and blinks at you, taunting you, daring you to write something, anything. But Sex and The City is playing on the tv, and Nora is snoring at the other end of the sofa, and you can’t help but watch the minutes tick by on the clock. Listen to Carrie and Miranda argue about Big, and wonder if Joel has even noticed your absence.
Trin gets home from class, and you follow her into the kitchen. Peel and slice oranges and apples and lemons while she tells you about her day. Boil them in sugar with cinnamon and star anise while she complains about an argument she had with her boyfriend. Add red wine and brandy while she tells you that her Dad sent her some money, and she’ll order take out for the three of you.
So together you huddle in the lounge and eat hot Indian food with your hands. Soak pieces of naan in tarka dal and saag paneer and top if off with mulled wine, unphased by the clashing of flavours in your mouths.
And you don’t check your phone, or look at the time, and you don’t complain when Nora asks, with glassy-eyes and spinach in her teeth, if she can put on another musical.
He’s a freak, Trin frowns at the TV.  
He loves her, Nora implores, staring doe-eyed at a masked Gerard Butler.
Nor, Trin scoffs, he put a wedding dress on a mannequin that looks just like her. In his fucking lair, no less. That’s freak behaviour.
He has amazing sideburns though, Nora grins. So he gets a pass.
Your phone vibrates as Erik strokes a passed-out Christine’s face, singing help me make the music of the night.
Careful that Nora won’t notice, you pull it from beneath your thigh.
Where were you today?
You stare at the words for a moment and feel your lips curl into an disbelieving sneer.
“Oh, fuck off,” you mutter, and shove your phone into the crevice between the sofa cushions.
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Wednesday.
A week goes by with no word from Joel.
No word from you either.
You stay home every day. Write and read and catch up on work and take Benadryl and sip soup and then you wake one morning, relieved to find that Nora’s cold has finally left your system.
So you tug on jeans, a sweater, and share a pot of coffee in the kitchen. Share quiet conversation with Pete in his shitty old Beamer as he gives you a ride to campus, and walk into Rachel’s lecture with zero expectation that today will be the day you finally see Joel again.
“We understand that Antigone is a victim of her father’s sins,” Rachel explains. “In the wake of patricide, of incest, every one of her actions is seen as a direct consequence.”
“Even her fate to be buried alive was sewn by her father’s unwitting actions,” she pauses, eyes searching the faces across the room, gauging reactions. “And, of course, this concept isn’t unique to Greek mythology. We see it plainly in the Bible, in Exodus; the sins of your father are to be laid upon the children… these themes of ancestral curses, of the inevitability of fate – they are integral to understand when looking at our tragic heroines. We saw it with Medea, we see it with Antigone, with Iphigenia, with Electra. Electra herself said, we are bound to acquiesce—”
An interrupting knock sounds against the door. Rachel’s head swivels around, eyebrows knitted in frustration as she calls for whoever it is to come in.
The door creaks open and her expression lifts. A saccharine smile spreads across her face, shoulders loosening.
“Joel,” she says warmly. “What can I do for you?”
A shiver wracks down your spine, toes curling in your sneakers.
The broad mass of him rests in the doorway. His head peeks past the wood, just a glimpse of his curls, his glasses, visible from where you sit. Your heart thunders in your chest, palms going damp at the prospect of this being the moment you finally see him again.
He speaks a few words in her direction, too quiet to catch, and then he’s taking a step into the room. His hand grips the edge of the door, keeping it open, and he casts a glance out towards the audience. Dark brown and searching, those eyes filter through countless faces until they finally land on yours.
And for a second, he doesn’t say a word. Just gazes out at you, eyebrows pulled together in the middle of his forehead, and then—and then he fucking looks back at Rachel. Your stomach goes hollow when you see the smile on her face. She lazes against the corner of her desk, and it feels like minutes go by as the two of you stare at him. And there’s something about waiting, you think, that feels like torture. That slow, painful build-up of pressure as you sit and stare and prepare yourself to discover who he’s here for. You or her.  
You’re reminded painfully of a Graham Greene quote. A passage from The End of the Affair – one you’d, perhaps foolishly, found romantic when you read it that first time. Chosen words that had warmed your chest and made you feel light, lighter than air; the way only words could do sometimes.
‘Yes, Henry?’ and then ‘You?’ She had always called me ‘you’. ‘Is that you?’ on the telephone, ‘Can you? Will you? Do you?’ so that I imagined, like a fool, for a few minutes at a time, there was only one ‘you’ in the world and that was me.
Now, as you stare at Joel in the mouth of the doorway and memory of that passage sinks its hooks in, you feel only contempt for Greene.
For you had always read that passage imagining yourself as Sarah. And someone else, some misfortunate Maurice Bendrix, had fallen into your lap, and he was the ‘you’. But not you, never you. And it’s that pride which deceives. That pride which lulls us into false senses of security.
Joel says your name then.
Says, “Can I speak with you?” You, you, you.
And it should feel like relief, to hear your name on his lips again. But you catch the way he spares another glance, soft and sympathetic, in Rachel’s direction, and that sickly hurt isn’t abated.
Her face falls, but she smiles at you. Nods her permission for you to leave the room, and only when you’re halfway across the lecture theatre, bag swung over your shoulder, does she continue speaking to the class.
Palm flat against the door, he holds it open for you, making you press against him as you slip out of the room. It clicks shut behind you and he begins to move down the hall, leaving you to follow behind with no explanation. You assume that he’s going to lead you to his office, or anywhere more private than this, but a metre from the door Joel pauses abruptly, turns, and you slam into his chest with a huff.
“Jesus,” you mutter, stumbling a few steps back.
“Where have you been?” he glowers, brows drawn tight and angry over his eyes.
“What?”
“I’ve been busy,” you grit, glaring back. “Where have you been?”
“Busy?” he scoffs, shaking his head. “Yeah, I’ve been busy too. Busy teachin’ the classes that you don’t even show up for.”
“I’ve been sick,” you roll your eyes, unable—or perhaps just unwilling—to stray from nastiness, from spite. “My apologies, Professor.” 
“Don’t—” Joel snaps, and flinches as quickly as the word comes out of his mouth, surprised by how harsh it sounds in the air between the two of you. He takes a step closer, voice low now—“Don’t call me that.”
“Fuck, what is your problem?” you huff, eyes widening, exasperated. “I missed two classes, it’s not a big deal.”
“And the silence?” Joel takes a step forward as he says it. Close enough now to see the smudges on the lens of his glasses. Close enough to see the muscle in his jaw twitch. Too close for public; too close for here. “Can’t even text me back, huh? What the hell is goin’ on with you?”
Your body pulls taut at that, hands balling into fists at your sides.
“Oh, you don’t like silence?” you hiss, matching his volume. “You can’t be serious. Joel, I didn’t hear from you for days after New York. Why would I waste my breath when it’s obvious you don’t want to fucking hear from me?”
“It was barely two days,” he shakes his head, shakes off the insinuation, shakes off whatever blame you’re trying to put on him.
“Two days,” you nod, smirking angrily. “Two days after we spent an entire weekend together. Two days after we kissed and fucked and practically went on a date.”
And the word date must elicit something in him. Some minute, man-brain trigger that snaps him to attention and helps him understand the hurt on your face, the tremble in your hands. Because he says your name, voice softening, posture loosening, every bit of his body language screaming out that he wants to step forward and touch you.
And he’s speaking again, voice low, but there’s people coming down the hall, heading your way. Two figures that you can’t make out through the haze of Joel in your immediate vision. So when he reaches out and touches your hand you flinch, jutting your chin over his shoulder. A warning. Don’t do this here.
One of them calls your name and you pause, mouth open. Drag your eyes away from Joel’s features to watch the figures get closer.
“Pete,” you force a smile. “Hey.”
You realise quickly how it must look; your sullen expression, Joel staring down at you with his shoulders hunched. He must understand at the same moment, because he takes a quick step away, folds his hands behind his back.
“Hey,” Pete takes a step closer. He glances warily between you and Joel, confusion colouring his face. “Everything cool?”
Stony faced, Joel looks between the two of you, posture stiffening the longer he stares at Pete. So much larger than him, taller and broader and far more intimidating. But a man with a secret to keep isn’t one to jump quickly at confrontation, so he keeps his mouth shut. Let’s you do the talking.
Ian catches your eye over Pete’s shoulder and offers a sleazy sort of smile. You swallow down a glare and hold Pete’s gaze.
“Everything’s fine,” you lie, taking a step towards them. A step away from Joel. “What’s up, what are you guys doing in this building?”
Pete’s eyebrows pull together, and he cocks his head at you. “Said you needed a ride home today. This morning, remember?”
“This morning,” you repeat, nodding slowly. You raise your hand and pinch the bridge of your nose, thinking quickly, mind a mess. “I, uh… right, look, Pete, I actually forgot I have a meeting with Professor Miller about my final essay this afternoon.”
“Your final…” Pete trails off, frowning. “Isn’t that due in like a month?”
“Yeah,” you say vaguely, and do not look at Joel. “I’ll find a way home later, okay?”
“I mean, sure. I guess,” Pete agrees reluctantly, reaching up to grip the strap of his satchel. “Call me if you need me okay?”
And Joel’s face turns to stone at the insinuation in those words. The idea that Pete could give you anything he couldn’t. That anyone would need to swoop in and save you from him.
The pair of you stand in silence for a moment, eyes trained on Pete and Ian’s retreating backs as they head down the hall. You watch and watch until they turn the corner, disappearing from sight, and only then do you exhale a breath of relief.
You contemplate leaving him there. Turning your back on him and returning to Rachel’s lecture, ignoring his texts and letting this all fade into some painful memory. But when you look at him again—at those big brown eyes that gaze back at you—you know you couldn’t if you tried.  
“You look tired,” he frowns, and it’s not angry anymore. A little sad, maybe.
“I am,” you admit, and wonder if your face betrays how much of a role he plays in that exhaustion.
“Are you hungry?”
You stare for a moment, blinking slow, and then say, “Yeah.”
Joel nods, attempts a crooked smile, and says, “Let me take you to get something to eat.”
It’s silent in Joel’s car, aside from the soft patter of rain against his windows and the dull squeak of his windscreen wipers sliding it away. The truck glides through the winding streets of Biddeford, cruising down the main road and into the left lane of a fast-food drive thru. Orders you a burger, fries, nothing for himself, passing the bag into your lap and then continuing to drive.
The bun is soft beneath your fingers. Grease soaks your skin, and you taste beef, taste onions so soft, so sweet. A crimson dot of ketchup spattered onto your pants; a bright shock of mustard on your tongue. A fry here and there. Joel’s hand, outstretched fingers, sneaking across the centre console to steal one. You shift the paper bag on your lap, tilt the opening so it faces him, easier to access, but he doesn’t take another.
He grips the wheel and asks, “Do you want me to take you home?”
You think about Pete waiting for you at the house. Think about if Ian and that filthy smirk on his face and whether or not he’ll be there too. Think about having to flesh out your excuse, your lie, and finally say, “No.”
Joel keeps driving. You eat until your pants feel tight and the greasy brown bag is crumpled in your fist and he’s pulling his truck off the road and into a short driveway.  
“Full?”
“Very.”
“Good.”
“Is this your house?”
“This is it.” He drags the keys out of the ignition and knocks the door open. It’s not long, barely a second, before he’s pulling yours open with a rough yank and a soft, “Door always sticks on this side.”
A vague sound spills from the back of your throat, and he guides you up a path towards the small home. Single storey, with a large brown door and windows decorating the outward façade. Your immediate thought is that it’s very Joel, but you stop the idea in its tracks. Remind yourself that maybe it isn’t your place to think things like that.
Inside it’s even more silent, even more tense. The two of you stand in the entry way, toeing off damp shoes. Your eyes flit around his front room, but it’s difficult to focus on anything. Too much to look at, too much you want to know, and you find it easier to just look at him.  
“Realised you’d never been here,” Joel murmurs after a while. He shifts awkwardly on his feet, decidedly unsure of what to say as he rests beneath the weight of your stare. “This is the, uh, the livin’ room. Kitchen’s over there.”
When you don’t respond, he clears his throat, ticks his head towards the hallway. “Bathroom is down the hall. Bedroom too.”
You feel your face shift. Deadpan stare turns to surprise, to incredulity, to blatant anger.
“Oh, the bedroom, huh?” you smile, sardonic, cutting. Your throat feels tight. “S’that seriously why you brought me here? Ice me out and then come crawling back when you want something to fuck again?”
“Woah, hey,” his eyebrows shoot up, hands drifting forward like he’s trying to calm a startled animal.
“Don’t,” you hold up a shaking hand, eyes wide and wet suddenly. “Just… don’t touch me right now, okay? What are we doing here, Joel? Seriously.”   
He says your name hard and fast, surprised by how quickly it’s all unravelling, spilling from you in a tidal wave.
And spill it does. The words are wet and watery, a tsunami of pent up emotions pouring from your mouth without permission, without forethought.
“I mean, we haven’t seen each other since New York. And I… I thought being there changed things between us. But maybe I was wrong… and then you pull me out of a lecture, bring me here and say my bedroom is down the hall? Am I just… do you just like having someone to fuck whenever you want? Is that it? Someone at your beck and call?”
Joel repeats your name, sharper this name. “Don’t put fuckin’ words in my mouth.” His face pinches in anger, hands dropping.
“When it’s not convenient you try to shake me off, but when it is—at a bar, or out of town—” you list them off on your fingers, eyes growing wider and wider. “Oh, you want me then?”
“That ain’t fuckin’ true and you know it—”
“Do I?” you scoff.
“I came that night when you texted,” he implores, voice raising, all wild-eyed and pleading. “You were drunk, and textin’ and you needed a ride.”
“I didn’t ask you to do that—”
“You didn’t ask me not too either,” he crosses his arms across his chest. “You wanted me to come. Don’t fuckin’ deny that now.”
You open your mouth but he’s too quick, matching your spill with his own now.
“And as if you’re any better?” he bares his teeth now, voice low. “As if you didn’t find out I was your teacher and keep fuckin’ me just for the thrill of it. As if you actually wanted me, and you weren’t just gettin’ off on chasin’ some forbidden fantasy.”
“I…” you gape at him, unafraid to let the hurt show on your face. “Is that really what you think of me?”
“What the fuck am I supposed to think?” he hisses, exhaustion evident in the way he runs a hand through his curls and sags against the door. “You tellin’ me I should believe that you just want me for what I am? A fifty-year-old teacher who spends his time giving fuckin’ speeches to people that are hardly listenin’? Who goes home to an empty bed? That’s what you want?”
And it deflates you, a little. The wounded expression on his face – the devastating truth in those words, splashed across his expression so plainly for you to see. Disbelief.
“Is that such a crime?” you ask quietly. “To want you… and have it be that simple?”
“You shouldn’t,” he shakes his head. Grimaces. “You shouldn’t want me, I’m—I’m no good for you.”
You swallow. Feel tears hot and sharp behind your eyes.
“Then why do you keep letting me?”
“Jesus,” he exhales, and his hand is on the hem of your shirt, pulling you closer, closer, until you’re pressed against his chest, hands coming up to grip his shoulders and steady yourself. “Because I can’t fuckin’ quit you, alright?”
“Because I don’t just want you when it’s convenient,” his lips curl around the word, disgusted by the insinuation. “Because I think about you all the god damn time and if I can only have you some of the time then I guess I’ll take it. Because if you want some fucked up fantasy, then I’ll play my part if it means I get you, I don’t care—”
You cut him off, lips firm and searing against his. He goes still for a moment, mouth parting with a surprised exhale, warm when you press inside with your tongue. And then warmer, salty; tears on his cheeks, on yours.
“That’s not what this is,” you whimper into his mouth, desperate for him to believe it. “It was never about that, it was about you, Joel. I want you.”
He kisses you again, slow. All of the anger and hurt and frustration pools out of the both of you, spilling from your mouths and into the air. His lips mould over yours and his hands are warm on your waist, your back, holding you tight against his chest. When you sniffle, he pulls back, forehead heavy against yours, and sighs.
“I’m sorry,” he rasps, eyes closed. “I missed you, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for—"
“Where were you?” you interrupt. “What happened in New York?”
He hesitates for a moment, nervous and calculating as he stares you down.
You wilt a little; dejected all over again. Recoil from him and quietly ask, “Why won’t you let me know you?” 
Joel’s hand hovers in the air, as if contemplating reaching for you again, but then it drops and he says, “I was with my daughter.”  
You blink.
Daughter.
Daughter?
“She lives there now,” Joel sounds a little breathless, cheeks pink as the words spill from him. “In New York, with her girlfriend. I’d planned to spend an extra day there with her, and then Nina—Nina cut her hand open at the studio and we had to go to the ER, and she had to get stitches and—” He pauses, waiting for you to jump in, to interrupt, to say anything. When you don’t, he takes a breath and continues. “And I wasn’t gonna stay any longer but Ellie was worried, and she needed me. She needed me there, and—and I’m never fuckin’ there, because she never needs me anymore. So I stayed, and I’m sorry I went silent but I was… I was takin’ care of my kid.” 
You think it might be the longest—and the fastest—you’ve ever heard him speak outside of a lecture hall.
His eyes drift to something over your shoulder and his entire body seems to sag a little. But it isn’t sad. It’s a resigned, sort of relaxed thing that happens – the corners of his mouth tilt up and he smiles weakly.
You turn, follow his eyeline until you see them.
Pictures, so many pictures, lining the walls of his home. Ones you’d paid no attention to when you first stepped inside, but can now see clearly. Bright eyes and wide toothy grins.
Some of Joel younger, leaner, smiling beside a little girl with curly hair. Some of him as you know him now; scruffy and greying, beside a different girl. This one lanky and pale and grimacing toward the camera as if she were forced into being placed in front of it.
There’s one picture of the girls beside each other, teenagers maybe, sat on either end of a seesaw. The curly-haired girl is on the upper end, grinning madly at the lens, while the other sits with her feet planted firmly on the ground, laughing up at her. Two of them. Two daughters?
“Please say somethin’.”
There’s a picture of Joel and he’s holding a tiny little bundle in his arms, and he looks so young and so fucking afraid. Dark eyes wide and teary as he gazes down at chubby cheeks, his index fingers crooked around the edge of her swaddle. A warm feeling swells in your chest and your body softens the longer you look at it. He’s a father.
Joel says your name and when you turn his face is all twisted up, and he looks the smallest you’ve ever seen him. Almost curled in on himself.
“I should’ve told you,” he nods, brown eyes darting across your face in an attempt to decipher your silence. “I know that, and I—”
“I’m an asshole,” you interrupt softly, and the tears never left but now they feel heavier on your waterline. Begging to spill over again.
“Hey,” he frowns, hand coming up to cup your cheek. His thumb swipes at the soft skin beneath your eye, begging the wetness there to disappear. “Hey, hey, no—”
“I didn’t think…” you trail off, sniffling. A sickly cocktail of embarrassment and guilt and shame swirl in the pit of your stomach and you try to swallow it down, try to send it away, but it’s persistent. “I never stopped to think that something had actually happened, that you had… I feel selfish, Joel, I’m sorr—”
“You’re not,” he hushes, fingers curling into the hair behind your ear. “You didn’t know. I should’ve told you before, and I’m sorry.”
“I thought you were staying away because of me,” you offer a watery smile. “I thought maybe you and…” You can’t bring yourself to finish the sentence. Can’t make your lips form the name Rachel.
“No,” he shakes his head, jaw tight, as if reading your mind.
“Is she okay?”
“Ellie?”
“Ellie,” you roll the name around in your mouth. His daughter.  “Yeah.”
“She’s okay,” he smiles, nodding. “They’re both fine.”
“And…” You look back at the pictures. Two. “And the other girl?”
“Sarah,” Joel says softly, pointing at wild curls and brown eyes that look just like his. And he must see the questions swirling in your brain because he speaks again. “I was twenty. My, uh, my girlfriend at the time didn’t know what to do. Didn’t wanna be a Mom, but didn’t agree with abortion, and we were so young and… well, I asked her to marry me cause it felt like the right thing to do, but she didn’t…” he shakes his head a little, a faraway look in his eye as he remembers it. “She said no. She never wanted that… so, after Sarah was born, I told her that she didn’t have to.”
“Didn’t have to?” you repeat the words, eyebrows furrowing.
“Didn’t have to stay,” he clarifies. Your lips part, surprised. “So, she didn’t, and we ain’t seen her since Sarah was a few months old.”
“Shit,” you whisper, eyes widening as the information finally starts to sink in.
“And Ellie,” he laughs then, gazing at a picture of auburn locks and shock grey eyes. “Well, that one showed up on my door some time fifteen years later. Been in ‘n’ outta foster care for years, and just started followin’ Sarah home from school one day. We did this little dance for a while; dinners and sleepovers and me slipping money into her backpack so she could buy lunch at school. And then one day she just… begged me not to make her go back to her own house. So I didn’t.”
“Wow, I…” you blink. “You adopted her? Alone?”
“I…” Joel pauses. Wets his lips, frowning as he collects his thoughts. “Alone is… I don’t think that’s the right word for it. You see Ellie was… Sarah and me, we just knew. She was family so fast. It was the only thing that made sense, you know?”
And it does, you suppose. The image isn’t hard to conjure. Joel at the dinner table with two teenagers on either side of him. Arguing over homework, over curfews, over what movie to watch. You can see the fondness in his eyes as he talks about them – the emotion laced through his words; we just knew.
“Tell me what you’re thinkin’,” Joel says, and that line between his eyebrows is back and it’s so deep that you can’t help yourself from reaching up and smoothing it over with your thumb. He catches your hand and holds it against the centre of his chest. Lets you feel the way his heart thuds heavily beneath the skin, a sturdy rhythm against your palm.
“It’s… it’s a lot to take in,” you confess, and his hand tightens over yours. “But I’m glad you told me.”
Brown eyes search yours, gaze heavy. “You sure?”
“Yeah,” you nod. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Okay then.” 
You flex your palm against his chest. Dig your fingers into the flesh there a little.
“Can I…” he hesitates, eyes flickering down. “Do you… Can I kiss you?” You, you, you.
Your heart beats fast, and you feel his do the same, and Joel is a father, and two daughters, and I can’t fuckin’ quit you, and you’re breathing into his mouth yes, yes you can kiss me, please kiss me.
It’s warm and it’s gentle and it feels like such a kindness to kiss him now and feel less space between the two of you. Feels like a thousand apologies and explanations slipping off his tongue and you opening your arms to him, saying I understand, saying thank you for telling me.
And when you pull him closer, wrapping an arm around the back of his neck, he meets you in kind, pressing your back against the wall. He shifts his hips between yours and shows you how much he’s missed you, and only when his hand drifts beneath the hem of your shirt do you pause.
He stills, warm breaths drifting across your mouth as he looks into your eyes.
“Talk to me.”
“I’m exhausted,” you admit shyly, twisting a finger through a frizzy lock of hair at the nape of his neck. You tug at it, not meeting his eye, and watch it bounce back into a curl when you let go. He nods and kisses you again, closed lips soft and not asking for anything, never asking for more than you want to give, before he takes your hand and leads you through his house for the first time.
He runs you a bath. Makes you sit on the edge while he lays out a towel and checks the temperature every few minutes. Only when he’s satisfied that the water is perfectly warm does he help peel the clothing from your body. He grips your hand and helps you step into the tub, lowering you down into sudsy water. And when you’re settled, he pulls a stool nearby and sits, keeping you company as you soak.   
“S’nice,” you tell him quietly, dragging a foamy sponge across your arms. “Thank you, Joel.”
The weight of before hangs over you a little, pressing down against your shoulders as you watch him. Gauge him. But he doesn’t seem angry or upset anymore. He leans over the lip of the tub. Runs his hands through the water, over the skin of your calf, your knee. Feels the coarse hairs that have grown there over the past fortnight and smiles when they scratch against his palm.
“Said you were sick?”
“Mhm.”
“What kind?”
“Just a cold,” you whisper. He squeezes your knee, palm against your patella, fingers soft in the flesh around it. “M’fine. Past it now.”
In the soapy water, his skin feels like silk against yours.
“Changin’ of the season,” he muses with a nod. “Normally gets me too.” 
And you laugh a little at that, because it’s such a fatherly thing to say and you can’t believe how naïve you’d been to not see it before. Can suddenly picture him doing this a thousand times over; resting by the bath while one of his little girls floats in the water, nose all stuffy from the flu.
At the sound of your laughter he smiles, gaze dropping to your mouth, and the skin beside his eyes pinches. Little wrinkles, so soft and so beautiful that you want to reach out and brush your fingers across them.
“You’re so beautiful,” Joel murmurs, and his voice is hushed, so low in the small bathroom.
His fingers skirt against the inside of your thigh and you splay your legs open for him, knees knocking against the sides of the tub. He glances down through the water to where you’re spread open for him to see, shameless, and smiles.
“So fuckin’ beautiful,” he repeats.
“So are you, Joel.”
“Psh,” he rolls his eyes, offering a delicate little smile. So shy, so feeble, and so desperate to believe you. A little glimpse of that wary weight, still pressing down on him as well.
“Mean it,” you insist in a whisper. You lift a hand from the water, wet thumb grazing the corner of his mouth. Feel the bristles of his moustache, the hairs on his cheek, prickling against your skin.
“Swoony type,” you say, smiling when recognition flashes in his eyes. Stroke the fresh blush on his cheeks. “Long hair, bedroom eyes, cheeks like wine.”
“Hmm,” he murmurs, turning to press a kiss against your palm. “Can’t get away with plagiarisin’ Carson in this house, baby.”
“She just said it so well.”
“She did,” he agrees. “So did Tartt.”
“Tartt?” your mind wanes, the warm water lulling you into a sleepy sort of daze. You rest heavy against the side of the bath, gazing up at him
“Beauty is terror,” he quotes tenderly, eyes bold and earnest as he holds your stare. “Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it.”
You wrap an arm around his shoulders, water droplets staining his shirt where your fingers grip the material, and pull him forward to kiss you. Joel grips the inside of your leg and kisses you until your skin prunes and wrinkles. And when he notices he laughs with you, gripping your hand to press his lips against fingertips that look like raisins. Worships the soaked skin of your fingers until you pull his face back to yours; jealous of your own hands, fearful that they might come to know his kiss better than your lips.
And when the water goes lukewarm and you don’t know what time it is anymore, he dries you off with a soft towel and offers once more to take you home. But you say no, so he smiles and kisses you again—your lips, your cheeks, your eyelids—and leads you to his bedroom.
He drags a too-big shirt over your head, helps you loop your arms into the sleeves. Dark blue and warm, so warm, against your skin.
The two of you slip beneath the covers on his bed and he drags you against his side; lets you press your cold toes against his shins without so much as a flinch.
Facing each other on your sides, those hands slink beneath the shirt, rough palms cradling your ribs, your back, holding you tight against his chest until your breathing falls in sync. And those hands don’t stray, don’t move down, they just embrace you. A carefully held apology that promises I want this, to hold you, to be with you, too.
It stays like that, nothing more, until your eyelids are heavy, and his breathing has evened out. Stays like that until your hand drops from his back to the band of his boxers, sleepy little fingers plucking at the material, trying to slip underneath.
“You should rest.”
But you whine softly; needy and insistent as your fingers press harder.
“What do you need?” Joel rasps into your neck, helping you shift them down his legs.
“Need you,” you whisper back into the darkness of his bedroom. “Wanna feel you, I—”
His mouth is soft against yours, plucking those words from your mouth and swallowing them down. He sucks your bottom lip between his, prying your mouth open so he can slip his tongue inside.
His hand in on your knee, pulling your leg up until your thigh rests heavy around his hip and you can feel the hot weight of him against your core, still slick and warm and needy from when his hand rested on the inside of your leg in the bath.
And if you’d ever subscribed to the meaning behind words like sin you suppose that once this might have counted as one. An act worthy of being sent to reside in that second circle of hell, reserved solely for those overcome by lust; left to blow back and forth in the storm of their own desire. Two people who cannot touch, should not touch, who hold their hands out to feel anyways. A touch once spiteful, once desolate and removed, now so forthcoming. A touch that says this is the only way it could have ever been. And there can be nothing sinful about it anymore. No more shame or derision behind heavy eyelids, no more you shouldn’t or I’m no good for you. Here you rest comfortably in the hurricane of that second circle, and you welcome the breeze as a comfort.
Lips against yours, Joel feeds his cock to you in slow, careful passes.
Ensures you feel every ridge, every hard line of his body. And with each gentle press inside he murmurs against your mouth. Incessant, low nonsenses of so fuckin’ beautiful and god I missed you and that’s it, baby, I know, I know. His kiss smooth as an almond, tender as a fig. Ripe and wet and tremulous as his tongue finds a home against yours, over and over.
The comforter on his bed stays pulled high, up to your shoulders, and it traps the warmth of your bodies between you.
He coaxes rough, gasping sounds from you with every shift of his hips.
Long fingers grip the back of your thigh, using his hold there to rock your body into his over and over again, slowly, making sure you feel every second of it. Slick seeps out of you around his length, smearing against the inside of your thighs and his, and he groans at the wet sounds that slip from where the two of you are connected.
Joel says your name, low and gravelly, praising every syllable. He tells you how good it feels, how perfect you are, and every word is like an undressing of the flesh. Like you’re some tender butcher, peeling back layers of his skin to let the air hit hot, red, pulsating matter, flashes of thick, porcelain bone swimming amongst it all. He keeps you close, hardly an inch of your body not touching his, and yet you can see all of him. The whole surface and everything underneath it now too. And when you say his name in return and he moans, begs you to say it again, say my name again, it’s hearts on wings, thin fire racing beneath the skin, eyes unseeing, drumming filling your ears. It’s the cold sweat on his hands that hold you shaking, that feel the way you tremble and grip tighter. It’s wanting to take those bones of his and suck them clean; lick past the gristle and taste the marrow beyond it.
It's everything and it’s nothing and it’s that silly little four-letter word that you can’t bring yourself to say, let alone think, and it doesn’t even matter because he’s here and that’s enough.
His nose rests in the hollow above your collarbone and he inhales, smothering soft kisses to skin and bone there.
He says, “You smell like me,” and when he looks up and presses his forehead against yours, he almost looks wounded by it. He stills, holds himself deep inside and just stares, and his eyes are screaming I can’t fuckin’ quit you, so you lay your thumb over the dimple on his cheek and smile. “S’my clothes, my soap…”
Your body flutters and tightens around him, and your mouths fall open in soft moans, lips slotting together again.
“You like that?” you breathe into the kiss, and he tightens his fist around the back of the shirt, pressing inward until your back is arched, and your stomach is flush against his and he’s groaning yes.
“Want you in my clothes all the fuckin’ time,” he pants, and the tip of his cock presses so deep inside that you’re gasping, mouth hanging wide open. “And when you give ‘em back I’ll wear ‘em and smell like you, and then we’ll be even.”
“Even?” you laugh a little, nipping at his bottom lip. He smiles, eyes glinting in the darkness.
“Yeah, even,” he repeats it and presses forward in a sharp thrust to emphasise his point. You don’t need to hear it again to know exactly what he means.
“Tell me you’re mine,” you whisper, and he grunts, hips shifting a little faster against yours. You feel him pulse inside of you, his stomach tightening against yours.
“M’yours,” Joel murmurs, voice like velvet and honey, so soft as he leans forward to kiss you, licking the words into your mouth. You say it back, spell it out against his teeth, his lips, his jaw. Yours, yours, yours. 
He says something else then, lips soft against your chin, and you’re so close; can feel it hot and burning in your gut, almost at tipping point.
“Hmm?”
“Baby,” Joel nips at your jaw, sharpening your senses. “Tell me you’re on the pill or somethin’.”
“I am,” you whimper honestly, and his body seems to sag against yours, hips shifting in sluggish, tired movements.
Something snaps at the base of your spine, and you tremble against him, gripping the back of his neck. Soon enough he’s shuddering into you, arms going tight around your back, trapping you against his chest as his cock pumps inside your core. And it’s warm and wet and sticky and his seed drools out of you, down to your asshole, smearing against the inside of your thighs, his sheets. Your legs wrap around his waist, holding him to you, keeping him there as long as you possibly can. Riding out your highs, and then the trembling, stuttering aftershocks in each other’s arms. He pants into your mouth and all either of you can say is mine or yours, until the words mix together and become a meaningless blur of sound murmured between locked lips.
It could be minutes or an entire hour before you manage to separate from each other. All eager little kisses and whines as his soft cock slips from your hold, thick spend seeping out of you in his absence. And you just want to sleep, want to curl up in his arms and never leave, but you slink off to the bathroom first. Wet your face and drop down on his toilet. Urinate and feel his come drip out of you. And where once, with someone else, you might have cringed at the feeling, you only feel warmth; calm.
In the bright lighting of his bathroom, you can see yourself reflected in the mirror above his sink. Hair a wild mess, cheeks and lips swollen with warmth. This woman in the mirror stares back at you and she has bright eyes. She smiles at you, and you feel your lips peel back, teeth on show just like hers. You stare at her and think god, she looks happy. When you wipe between your thighs and stand, she does too. And with your finger on the light switch, a wet handtowel clutched in your other palm, you give her one last look before turning out the light, feeling lighter than you have in weeks.
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Thursday.
Joel sleeps on his stomach. At least, that’s how he ends up overnight.
Face buried deep in a pillow, one leg slung outside of the covers, with a heavy arm out to the side. When you wake, at first, you’re careful not to move. Not to breathe too heavily, not to cough or jostle him awake. He looks so peaceful like this. Heavy breaths puffing from chapped pouty lips, forehead smooth and devoid of the stress and exhaustion that often lines his face. A large hand rests close to you. Despite you drifting a part in the night, the body heat getting too much for you both, his fingers remain outstretched in your direction. The tips just grazing the skin of your stomach as you lie on your side and watch him.
A low murmur escapes from his mouth, face twitching a little, and then he’s relaxing again, humming in his sleep. You smile, and let your eyes wander.
There’s a pile of books on his bedside table, reading glasses dropped haphazardly atop them.
An Idiot’s Guide to Space, one of the weathered spines reads. Interesting.
A framed painting rests above a set of drawers on the side of his room. A vast landscape with a herd of horses galloping across it. Gorgeous hides of orange and brown and black splashed across green grass and blue sky. And on the back of his door… hangs a cowboy hat.
You move slowly, careful not to wake him as you rise and tip toe across the room. Coming to rest directly in front of the closed door, you slip it off the hook and admire it. You don’t even hear his breathing change as he wakes up.
Dark brown with a curved brim; the felt is soft beneath your fingers. The image of Joel wearing it, perhaps often, while living in Texas flits through your mind and you can’t help but smile. And then warm hands are on your hips, arms snaking around your waist to pull you back into a warm chest.
You gasp in quiet surprise, but your smile only broadens when Joel rests his chin on your shoulder, peering down at the hat in your hands.
“Mornin’,” he murmurs, voice gruff and deeper than usual. A pang of arousal swims in your core at the sound of it, but you ignore that, turning in his grasp.
“Good morning, cowboy.”
Joel groans, sleepy eyes drifting closed as he hugs you to his chest, swaying the two of you from side to side.
“Wanted to lie in,” he grumbles. “S’too early for this.”
“For what?” you blink in mock confusion, holding the hat against your chest.
“For you to see that.” He moves quick, tugging it from your grasp.
“Hey—” You gasp, wide eyed and ready to steal it back. But before you can Joel just lifts it onto his head with a heavy sigh. “Oh.”
“Oh?” he repeats, eyes narrowing.
Warmth simmers in your stomach and you smirk, stepping back to give him a quick once over.
“I could get used to this.”
“Jesus,” he rolls his eyes, moving to take it off but you grip his hand, shaking your head fiercely.
“Not so fast,” you coo. “I want the whole experience.”
“And what exactly is the whole experience?”
“You know—” You shimmy your hips a little. Imitate twirling a lasso in the air, wiggling your eyebrows. “Show me some tricks.”
Joel laughs at you, and you can see the desire in him to say no, to refute it, but the longer you stare him down, the more it cracks and fizzles away.  
“Go on, cowboy,” you try out your best Texan drawl, falling down to sit on the edge of his bed.  
He adjusts his legs, elbows bending as he waves two finger guns in your direction. You suck your lips into your mouth, swallowing down a laugh as he makes a small pchew pchew noise out the side of his mouth.
“Oh,” you smirk. “Is that all you got?”
“I’ll have you know,” Joel huffs, pretending to holster one of his guns. Hip cocked now, still dressed in nothing but his sleep shirt and boxers; he stares you down. “I’m startin’ to think this town ain’t big enough for the both of us.”
And that gets you. A sharp, barking laughs slips from your mouth, and Joel grins in return, the skin beside his eyes creasing as he adjusts the Stetson over his curls.
As your giggles calm, he just shakes his head, still smiling, and murmurs fondly, “Dadgum, you got a good laugh.”
Your face warms beneath his stare, and you just shake your head, bottom lip snagged between your teeth. Moving quick, Joel pinches the brim of the hat and places it onto your head. It’s a little big, and the brim falls down, obscuring your eyesight before he adjusts it for you. Then he takes a step back, hands on hips.
“How do I look?” You bat your eyelashes up at him, smiling shyly.
“I don’t know,” he fakes an air of contemplation, giving you a long look up and down. “Think you might be all hat ‘n’ no cattle.”
“Hey,” you pout. “I’d make a great cowboy; just need a pair of chaps.”
“Well, you can wear the hat and the chaps all you like,” Joel murmurs, gaze heavy. “But you ain’t a cowboy ‘til you prove you can ride like one.”
Your thighs tense and you arch an eyebrow, trying to remain nonchalant.
“Is that right?”
“S’right.”
“Mm,” you hum. You lick your bottom lip and watch the way his gaze darkens, eyes trained on the movement. “Gonna let me show you what I got?”
And so you end up back in bed, straddling Joel while he smirks up at you, long fingers twisting around the hem of your t-shirt. But when you slip a finger inside the hem of his boxers, the movement so reminiscent of last night, he laughs a little and gives you a look that says, really?
You pout, confused. “I thought you wante—”
“Uh uh,” Joel shakes his head. “Not what I meant.”
“Then what?”
“Get up here.” He lifts his chin upward.
Your eyes widen, stomach tensing a little.
Desire warms the inside of your thighs, and you murmur, “You want that?”
“Do I wa—?” he cuts himself off, eyes darkening a shade. “I said, get up here.”
Heart racing, you shimmy up his chest until your knees are planted on the mattress on either side of his shoulders. He smiles, encouraging, and you grip the hem of his shirt, prepared to pull it over your head, but he stops you.
“No,” he exhales, hand quickly gripping yours. “Leave it on for me.” And then he leans in and presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh, and you can only nod, holding your breath as you wait for him to reach where you want his mouth the most.
Face tucked in the cradle of your hips, Joel sighs your name. A rough exhalation, nose pressed into your skin. And it feels a little silly at first – your face is warm as you stare down at him, the wide brim of the cowboy hat tilting forward.
But then, breath hot and heavy against you, he mouths at the crease where your hip meets your thigh. Slow, drawn-out kisses that have your legs tensing over him, his hands slip beneath the shirt, tracing light patterns into the skin over your spine, all the way up to your shoulders. He keeps going until you’re shivering, a wet trembling mess in his hands, hips twitching forward with every touch of his mouth to your skin until he finally glides his tongue through your folds.
Your breathing hitches as he pants against you, chest vibrating with low sounds as he licks thick stripes up the entire length of your pussy. Eyes closed, he tastes all of you; tongue slipping over every piece of exposed skin that the position grants him. And with every broad stroke of his tongue, he dips inside your weeping hole and finishes with a gentle flick against your clit. So soft and so slow, building you up over and over until finally you break and begin rocking your hips into his face.  
Joel grunts at first, a little surprised maybe, but in a second his hands are dropping to grip your thighs, locking you in place against his face.
At first, he guides you. Helps you find a rhythm that works, that feels good. Flattens his tongue and uses his grip to rock you back and forth over his face, groaning as you roll your clit against him, huffing and panting quiet little pleas. But soon enough your fingers are carding through his hair, holding him tight against you as you grind down into his mouth. Sharpening his tongue, he dips it inside of you and then drags upward, pulling your clit into his mouth and sucking gently.
You gasp, vision going hazy as you try to keep your eyes on him, try to watch, but it’s too good. He knows exactly what you like, and it all moves far too quickly for your liking. You can already feel your hips winding faster and harder against him, breaths falling shorter, everything in your stomach pulling tight and hot.
Joel can tell – he can always fucking tell – and one of his hands drifts over your ass, fingers slipping between your thighs from behind until his middle finger is circling your entrance.
“Fuck,” you inhale sharply, jaw going slack as he prods at your cunt, tongue lapping lazily over your clit all the while. “Please, your fingers, yeah, ohhh—”
A long finger sinks inside and you moan, head falling back.
“You like that?” he murmurs, pulling back to graze his teeth along the inside of your thigh. A second finger presses inside, and he curls them against that soft spot, fucking you slow and steady until you acquiesce, whimpering yesyesyesfucksogood towards the ceiling.
“Good girl,” he hums, slick tongue finding its way back to your clit.
He eats at you so lovingly. So generous as he lathes firm circles around your nerves, only ever pausing to suck you into his mouth again or press wet, open-mouthed kisses against the entirety of your cunt. Nose buried in the short curls over your mound, he doesn’t let up until your moans turn high pitched; strained little whimpers of his name falling from your lips as you press down harder and harder.
“Oh fuck,” you cry, hips rocking back and forth, faster now. He breathes you in, jaw shifting from side to side, matching the intensity of your movements with sharp flicks of his tongue. And when you fall apart, shoulders sagging forward, he moans, taking and taking and taking every last drop of what you have to offer.
And what an image it must be – you, wearing a Stetson, riding Joel Miller’s face. You almost wish you’d filmed it, for posterity’s sake.
He presses a small kiss to one swollen lip of your pussy, and then the other, before his head is falling back into the pillows and he’s smiling up at you.
The lower half of his face shines, lips and facial hair slick with your come, and you can’t help but grin back, a tired snort of laughter slipping from your mouth.
“How’d I do?” You grip the brim of the hat, tipping it down at him.
Joel smirks, hands squeezing your thighs, helping to shift you up and onto the side of the bed so he can sit up.
“I’d say you more than proved yourself,” he hums, leaning in to steal a kiss. You sigh, whining against his warm wet mouth, and reach a hand down to press it against his abdomen. Shifting lower, you trail your fingers over where his cock strains against his boxers, but Joel just tuts, pulling away and slipping off the bed.  
“Hey,” you huff, gripping his shirt and trying to pull him back down, but he just shakes his head, laughing, and drags you to your feet.
“Gonna be late,” he tells you, squeezing your hips and pressing a kiss to your temple. “And you needa eat.”
Late. You’d almost forgotten that you had a lecture this morning. Joel’s lecture.
He turns, rifling in the chest of drawers, pulling out clothes, a pair of socks, while you stand behind him and watch, knees still shaking, with a fucking cowboy hat on your head. After a moment he turns, stares, and a rough laugh hits the air. Shaking his head, Joel grips the brim and tosses the hat back up on its hook before pointing towards the ensuite, telling you to shower.
“You coming?” you ask, and he just shakes his head, tugging on socks before padding towards the hallway.
“Cowboys don’t shower, baby,” he flashes a smile over his shoulder at you and winks. “They just dust off.” 
When you make your way out of the shower, Joel is in the kitchen. Ironed black trousers and a neat white shirt cover his frame, and from across the room you admire him. That strong back, the pert rounded muscles of his ass. Fuck.
He manages to over scramble the eggs and burn the bacon because he can’t stop looking over his shoulder at where you rest at his dining table. Head resting heavy in your palm, you smile back at him. And when he puts a plate of food in front of you, you don’t have a single complaint.
The two of you eat fast, plucking little pieces of eggshell out as you go, smiling and laughing shyly as your feet tangle beneath the table. He watches you; makes sure you clear your plate before he takes it to the sink, murmuring something about how he won’t make you sit through me talkin’ for hours on an empty stomach. Says he’s pretty sure that counts as torture somewhere, baby.
And when he turns, dirty dishes forgotten in the sink, you’re staring at him, heart on your sleeve, and he must see it in your eyes. You know that it has to be clear as day; that forbidden four-letter word blazing across your forehead in bold letters.
Joel clocks your gaze and moves to hover over where you sit, wordlessly cupping your face in two broad palms and slotting his mouth over yours. And as he licks into your mouth, tasting the remnants of eggs and bacon and every unsaid word, you start to believe that maybe confessing wouldn’t be so bad. That maybe forbidden is a word you’ve prescribed to this feeling all on your own – that he might just be feeling the exact same way.
But he pulls back, presses two more quick pecks to your mouth and tells you to get ready, says he’ll drive the two of you to school, and the moment slips from your grasp.  
Back in his car, you feel relieved to replace the memory of yesterday with this one. Windows down, the air is cool and calm against your skin as he drives you through town, sated, dopey smiles across both of your faces.
A Bob Dylan song drifts from the speakers and Joel sings along under his breath.
“We’ll meet again someday on the avenue. Tangled up in blue.” Voice low and breathy, left hand on the wheel, right hand on your thigh. You nod along to the lyrics, your fingers tracing the veins and tendons on the back of his hand all the way until he pulls over.
“Shouldn’t be seen walkin’ in together.”
“Yeah,” you agree, understanding. “Best not.”  
The truck idles on the side of the road, somewhere inconspicuous down the street from campus, and you slip out his passenger door. Close it with a thud and peer in at him through the open window, eyes devouring every part of his face as if you won’t be seeing him within the hour, stood up in front of the room giving a lecture.
The truck peels away from the curb, Tangled Up In Blue still whining from those speakers, and Joel sends a quick wink out the window at you, his face a blur as he drives off. And you just smile, chest warm despite the cool Spring air on your face, walking along in the same direction – because you know exactly what that wink means. And you love it.
Our little secret.
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a/n refs:
in Dante’s Inferno he said that those overcome with lust were doomed to the second circle of hell, wherein they would be buffeted back and forth by the terrible winds of a violent storm, without rest. slay.
the bacchae tr. by anne carson [read if you have mummy issues, a massive ego, or just like the idea of frolicking in the woods for a while...]
the secret history by donna tartt [read if you like unreliable narrators, strange professors and stranger students, and the nursery rhyme 'the farmer in the dell']
the end of the affair by graham greene [read if you like weird intense guys and angst and infidelity]
eros the bittersweet by anne carson [read if you're cool as fuck]
thank you for reading! x
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ozzgin · 10 months
Note
Girl I love Daitou but I'm ngl I need more of Yazuya😭 if you can, can you write headcanons about him please? I'd appreciate it thank you <3
Yandere!Yakuza x Reader Headcanons
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Ultimate dating guide and palate cleanser featuring the gangster boys (Kazuya and Daitou). For those that have been left hanging for proper romance.
Content: gender neutral reader, mildly NSFW
Tags: @swagbucksjester @lucienbarkbark @moonieper @nu-vino @vee-love @tamaki-simp @pinkazelma
[Yakuza Masterlist]
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Kazuya
Kazuya was raised in a brothel, surrounded by women, so he is much more knowledgeable than the average man when it comes to feminine matters. Similar to someone who grew up having sisters, you can talk to him about anything and everything and not only will he be empathetic towards your problems, but he might offer tips and tricks you didn’t even know about. Not too shocking when he’s already heard multiple variations of whatever is bothering you.
The downside to his upbringing is that intercourse has always felt terribly transactional to him. He has a hard time associating it with intimate relationships. He will flirt a lot with you, but despite all the sexual innuendos, he won’t actually do anything until later in the relationship. He struggles with the irrational worry that sex will somehow taint the quality of your bond, making it feel cheap. Dating you has helped him realize that such things can be done out of love as well.
He is extremely affectionate and well mannered when dealing with you. Which may sometimes cause you to forget there’s a reason him and Daitou are good friends. While he isn’t as ill-tempered as his younger self, it doesn’t take much to anger him still. It’s a rare occurrence for you to witness it, but when he has it out for someone, he nearly matches Daitou in ruthlessness. He's very prideful and protective and will not hesitate to crush whoever challenges him or messes with you.
If you have a group of (girl)friends, you can confidently bring him with you with the only risk being that he’ll steal your spotlight. He can charismatically slide his way into any kind of conversation and you can hardly believe that this is the same man cracking gross jokes over his latest murder to his fellow criminal buddies. You might consider him a social chameleon, having no trouble adapting to any environment.
Smokes like a chimney and you have to slap the cigarette out of his hand sometimes because he’ll just light one up anywhere (including your bedroom).
Now this one is for the ones that are into it: God forbid you accidentally call him Daddy because he’ll ride that high until the end of time. He loves the idea and will tease about it with every opportunity. “Terrible weather today. Should Daddy drive you to work instead?”, or “Is that any way to talk to Daddy?” for when you’re out in public.
Daitou
One neat detail about being with Daitou is that you get to see a lot of things you took for granted in a new light. Whatever you assumed was a common experience for everyone, like having a picnic or going to the amusement park, is utterly foreign to him. He was raised by the Yakuza and barely interacted with anyone before meeting Kazuya; civilian past times were never presented to him. So you get to witness his shocked and delighted expression as he tries all these things with you.
Thankfully you don’t have to worry about teaching him the…intimate aspects of a relationship. Kazuya has that covered. And Daitou seems to be a rather fast learner, because he’s incredibly gentle and careful with you. Part of it is due to his own fear of messing it up. He’s only ever been good at breaking and killing people. Despite that, he loves you so much. He has to be the best boyfriend for your sake. Surely these hands of his can do more than just damage.
He might actually be a little too eager to learn the ropes. More than once you’ve walked in on him reading a graphic manga and nearly choked, mumbling an apology for interrupting his…activity. He’ll look at you with a confused expression, completely unbothered and wondering why you’re so embarrassed. He was flipping through the pages for ideas, given he’s never had any kind of experience himself. Ah. That explains the random kinky gestures he’s started doing without shame or doubt. You’ll have to do some tweaking in the near future.
This may come as a surprise, but Daitou is exceptionally good at household chores like cleaning and cooking. Registering with the Yakuza involves a mandatory apprenticeship of several years where you do menial tasks for your higher ups. Additionally, the time he served in jail has left him with a lot of discipline and organization. Somewhere between adorable and comical is how you’d describe the sight of him kneeling on the floor and carefully folding the kitchen towels while waiting for the stew to simmer.
Daitou isn’t exactly what you’d traditionally call jealous. His only frame of reference is Boss, thus he will treat you with the same kind of loyalty and dedication. You wouldn’t expect a mere nobody to walk up to the Head of the Family, so anyone approaching you will, similarly, be violently kept away until their intentions are clear. You are his most prized possession, after all. He’d do anything for you.
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starb3rrys · 11 months
Note
Can I request pt 2 of the stuck in a tight space with Ranpo, Dazai, and chuuya?
Hello! Thank you for the request! I’m pleased to see that so many people liked my “A Tight Fit~” head-canons! I got a lot of requests for a part 2 with different characters so I will respond to this one and just tag the rest (Sorry-). Anyways, I hope you enjoy these head-canons! <3
₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚.
A Tight Fit~ ❀Part 2❀
Ft. Ranpo, Dazai, Chuuya, Fukuzawa
✾Part 1✾
₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚.
Ranpo
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Scenario: Ranpo had deduced that a criminal hideout was located in an old abandoned coal mine. You had accompanied Ranpo on his investigation as his “Bodyguard” of sorts, in case anything went down hill…and sure enough, something did.
**THUD**, the loud sound of your two bodies falling and crashing together filled the dark mine, the ground underneath you had crumbled, causing the two of you to fall into a small, cramped hole.
“Ugh…my head…”, Ranpo said with a pained and annoyed tone.
You opened your eyes but were faced with pitch darkness, “I can’t see anything…”
Ranpo scoffed, “Well of course captain obvious, the force of the fall caused the flashlight to go out, it also caused you to fall on top of me.”, he was clearly annoyed with the current situation.
You tried to move, but stoped as you heard a quiet groan leave Ranpo’s lips.
You were confused, was he hurt?
“Hey Ranpo, Are you alrig-“ “Don’t move.”, he cut you off with a stern tone.
You were stunned, you didn’t understand why his tone suddenly changed, “What? Wh-“, you froze as you felt something under you, something hard was poking you.
You knew exactly what it was.
The realization made you blush profusely, you jumped up in surprise.
Another groan left Ranpo as you landed back on his lap, his hands gripped your hips to keep you still.
“I said don’t move.”, his voice sounded annoyed but you could hear a hint of embarrassment.
You sat still on him, flushed and embarrassed at your current position, how were you going to get out of here? You can’t move, there’s no light, you can’t just stay like this forever…
The flashlight beside you flickered, and the light revealed your current position.
As you looked down, you were faced with Ranpo’s expression; his cheeks were flushed, eyes were open, as his hair was sprawled on the floor messily, an annoyed yet embarrassed frown was plastered on his face.
“Grab on to that rock above you and try to climb out.”, Ranpo spoke with a stern voice, letting go of your hips.
You snapped out of your trance and quickly nodded, you did as he asked and eventually made it out of the hole.
“Now pull me out.”, Ranpo instructed with a quiet tone as he stretched his hand up so you could take a hold of it.
You took his hand and pulled him out, he was surprisingly lightweight…
Once you two stood up and brushed off your clothes, you looked at each other, blush still decorated your cheeks…
“Ranpo I-“, “Let’s postpone this investigation…”, he said quietly as he turned away and started walking, you quickly followed behind as you both made your way out of the cave.
You swear you could see a soft pout on his face as you both walked silently.
You two never spoke of that incident again, often avoiding each others gaze. Although he’ll never admit it, he loved the feeling of you on top of him and would give anything to feel you like that again…
Dazai
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Scenario: You and Dazai were a troublemaking duo who often would prank others and cause mischief just for the hell of it. So it was a surprise to no one as you two ran across the agency building, trying to escape a furious Kunikida who didn't seem too pleased with you messing around with his notebook. In a split second decision, Dazai pulled you into a small, dark, and cramped storage room, shutting the door and covering your mouth.
“Mmm?!”, you let out a muffled noise of confusion, as a strong hand covered your mouth.
“Shh...”, Dazai spoke, and you looked up; your eyes meeting Dazais, the silence broke as you two let out a quiet snicker.
As the quiet laughter ceased, you moved Dazai's hand away from your mouth, “Do you think he saw us hiding in here?”, you whispered.
“I doubt it, we are way faster than he is.”, he whispered back.
“He looked so mad!”, you said with a faint giggle.
“I know! I'm pretty sure I saw him foaming at the mouth!”, Dazai muttered with an amused tone.
Quiet footsteps could be heard down the hall...
Dazais hand swiftly returned to your mouth, keeping you quiet.
You scooted closer to Dazai, your chest pressing against his, trying to avoid being close to the door-
“Mnh...’, a low moan left Dazais lips, your eyes widened at the noise.
You slowly looked up at Dazai with confused eyes, his face flushed in embarrassment as your eyes met.
At first, you didn't understand what he was groaning about- that's when you felt it...a soft poke against your crotch.
Your face burned red at the realization, you were quickly snapped out of your thoughts as the footsteps grew closer.
Your breath hitched as the footsteps stopped right in front of the door, a shadow could be seen under the door.
Dazais arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer, making you both groan.
You both slapped each other's hands on one anothers mouth to shut each other up, you both stared at each other, wide eyed and not knowing what to do or say...you were both close...so close...
The door swung open, startling the two of you, quickly letting go of each other, “THERE YOU TWO ARE! I OUGHTA BREAK YOUR NECKS!!”, Kunikida yelled.
No snarky comment left Dazais lips, nor yours as you both quietly walked out of the storage room.
“Uh?”, Kunikida was muddled as he saw the two of you just- walk out; uncharacteristically quiet, avoiding eye contact with each other, as flush decorated your faces.
“Jeez, What happened in there?”, Kunikida asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Nothing.”, you both said with an embarrassed tone as you turned around and went your separate ways.
You both made an unspoken agreement to never mention what happened in that storage room, but you both sure as hell won't forget about it any time soon...
Chuuya
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Scenario: It was a busy Monday morning, all of the port mafia employees ran around going on missions, conversing important information and such. Ironically, for a big, rich company- the port mafia’s elevators were pretty standard size, which did not work well with how many employees worked in the building. As you entered the elevator, a flood of employees entered as well, making the elevator pretty cramped…pressing you against a certain mafia executive…
“Oof”, you let out a soft grunt as your body collided with someone else’s.
You quickly turned around, “Agh, sorry…”, you mutter out an apology, your eyes widened as you finally saw who you bumped into.
The man brushed his vest off, “It’s fine, no worries the elevator is pretty cramped.”, Chuuya reassured you.
You quickly fixed your hair and looked down, avoiding eye contact, feeling a bit nervous standing in front of a higher up, especially one of the five port mafia executives…he could easily get you fired if he wanted t-.
Your thoughts were interrupted as another swarm of employees entered the elevator.
Everyone in front of you moved back to make more room, causing you to get pushed back against Chuuya.
Chests pressed tightly against each others as his hands instinctively found their way around your waist.
Chuuya held back a quiet moan, covering his mouth with his hand as his face turned as red as his hair…
You didn’t dare look at him as you felt his hands on you, you know it wasn’t on purpose…the elevator was just too cramped, yeah that’s all-
A soft poke by your crotch made your mind go blank, your eyes trailed down and you could see a small tent in his pants, clear as day.
Your mind ran 1000mph at this point, your heart skipping beats as you internally panicked.
**DING**, the elevator doors opened.
Chuuyas hands left your waist, snapping you out of your trance.
You turned and looked at Chuuya as he quickly walked out of the elevator, his hand tilted his hat down to cover his eyes but failed to cover the deep shade of red on his cheeks.
You were left alone in the elevator as his figure quickly disappeared amongst the crowd…
Though that interaction was short lived, it greatly affected the way you both viewed each other now…who knew you would have such a memorable experience with a port mafia executive?
Fukuzawa
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Scenario: You and Fukuzawa were enjoying a nice stroll around Yokohama, the beautiful scenery only added to the peace and comfort you felt as you walked together. A soft meow caught the attention of you two, looking up, you saw a small cat stuck on a tree. You were both instantly struck with the need to help the poor kitten, which explains why you were now seated on Fukuzawas shoulders…
“A little more to the right!”, you instructed Fukuzawa as you tried your best to get closer to the kitten.
“Mm.” Fukuzawa nodded and did as you asked, slightly moving to the right.
“Okay stop! Keep steady…”, you spoke softly as your hands started moving forward towards the cat.
“Here kitty kitty, I won’t hurt you…let’s get you down.”, you said with a reassuring tone as you slowly reached for the cat.
“Be careful, don’t agitate it or make yourself seem like a threat.”, Fukuzawa said with his usual calm tone as he looked up at you; his hands firmly held your thighs, keeping you steady.
“Yeah yeah I know! I’m not going to agitate it, right little kitty-YAOWW!!”, a yelp left your lips as the cat swiped its claws, scratching you with a hiss.
In the midst of the attack, you lost your balance as your body squirmed atop of Fukuzawas shoulders, causing him to lose his footing as you both fell down.
You opened your eyes with a soft groan, “Ow…my head…Fukuzawa, are you okay?-“, you froze.
It seems when you both fell, you landed on his lap…straddling him as he laid on the ground.
His silver hair was sprawled on the grass as his soft blue eyes gazed up at you.
You were oddly mesmerized and couldn’t seem to look away, that’s until you felt something under you…faintly growing.
Within a split second, you got off his lap and stood up straight, your face was flushed as you bowed and apologized.
“I am so so so sorry! I didn’t do it on purpose I swear, I lost my balance and- it was the cats fault!!”, you rambled on apologies and excuses in a state of embarrassment.
Fukuzawa let out a soft chuckle then cleared his throat, “It is quite alright, no need to apologize.”, he said as he stood up, looking up at the cat.
“I do suppose it wants to stay up there, why not let it be?”, Fukuzawa softly smiled and walked the opposite way.
You felt a bit confused and still flushed, but relieved he didn’t seem to make a big deal of that…incident- you quickly caught up to him.
“I heard a new bakery opened up on this side of Yokohama…”, your conversation faded out as you both continued your lovely stroll.
Even though that incident was a bit lewd, you both decided to just forget about it and not let it come between your friendship…although- part of you still wonders if he liked it, considering how excited he got with just a small touch…
₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚.
I had huge writers block in coming up with scenarios since I didn’t want to just reuse the same old ones.
I wanted each scenario to represent the character well and such.
Thanks to some help from my friend, I was able to come up with these!
Anyways! As always, I hope you all enjoyed these head-cannons, love y’all!<3
Tag list: @wintersoldier-barnes @fyodorisbbg
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awearywritersworld · 10 months
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i have for the first time found what i can truly love—i have found you
sukuna x reader summary: you and sukuna go out for a late night meal. gojo finds out about your... relationship. sukuna is forced to take care of you when you come home drunk. w/c: 2.85k tags/warnings: enemies to lovers. fluff. lots of banter. cursing. jealous/protective!sukuna. gojo being a flirt. aged up!yuuji. features a teeny bit of yuuji x reader. drinking and drunk!reader. not canon compliant. fem!reader. no use of y/n. no manga spoilers. a/n: i think i like how this turned out! also, the first two sections could def be read as a fluffy lil stand alone. idc whats happening in the canonverse, sukunas just a tsundere who adores us very much<3 series masterlist // masterlist
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"maybe if you stare long enough, food will magically appear," sukuna calls to you from the kitchen table.
"this is no joking matter," you scold from your place in front of the fridge. "i'm starving."
"well, here's an absurd idea— let's go eat."
you turn toward him, finally closing the fridge, and tilt your head to the side. "you eat?"
"of course." he leans back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. "i typically prefer babies, but hell, i'd even go for an old man right now. i'm famished."
your eyes widen and your mouth falls open. he lets the panic simmer on your face for a few more cruel moments. "i'm kidding, idiot. i eat food, same as you."
"i knew that," you assert. the way your shoulders sag in relief tells him otherwise.
"right," he smirks. after standing up, he grabs your purse and tosses it in your direction. "where to? you're buying."
with only so many places open at midnight, you begin your journey to a 24 hour ramen shop.
you've hardly interacted with sukuna outside of your apartment, so this is certainly an experience you didn't anticipate. and in fact, you're shocked at how normal it feels— almost as if it's a date.
as you walk down the street, people eye him suspiciously because of the dark lines they assume are tattoos. it doesn't bother you though, nor does the lateness of the hour. you know that you're safe because you're with him.
your hands keep brushing against one another's, and you're hoping that he'll eventually take a hint and reach for yours. he doesn't (i mean come on, do you even know who you're dealing with?).
he does at least pick up on your pouty expression with impressive ease. "what now?"
"nothing," you huff.
"don't be a brat."
you sigh dramatically. "you're supposed to hold my hand."
"sure princess," he says condescendingly, lacing his fingers through yours. "maybe use your words next time like a big girl."
he doesn't fail to notice the ensuing skip in your step, and he kicks himself for regarding it as cute.
when you arrive at the ramen shop, sukuna orders no less than three bowls, which earns him a glare once the waitress walks away.
"when i agreed to pay, i didn't know what a glutton you are."
"oh yeah? cause i'm just the picture of temperance any other time?"
you scoff. "well you've got me there."
a sly smirk settles onto his face before he speaks again. "maybe one day you'll learn how greedy i am when it comes to the things i've deemed pleasurable."
you choke on the water you'd just brought to your lips, your face heating up as if it'd been bathed by fire.
wiping at your mouth, you try your best to recover quickly. "whatever, you hellion. as long as that doesn't involve a fourth bowl of ramen."
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you're no more than 10 steps away from the shop when you hold out your hand to him. "ahem."
he grabs it roughly and not without rolling his eyes.
"what?" you ask innocently. "that was a word."
"hardly," he jeers. "for as much as you read, i'd expect you to be more fluent than a child."
"and at 1000 years old, i'd expect you to be more charming than a teenage boy, but i guess we're both making concessions."
"see, this is the part that puzzles me. you never seem to have trouble with your words when you're being insolent."
"maybe it's a sign," you begin whimsically. "the universe decided you need to be taken down a peg."
"ah, yes. you as the executor of the universe's will. i don't know why i couldn't see it before."
you giggle, rather delighted that he's elected to play along with your quips. there's something that feels so warm and pleasant about it.
as you wonder if he feels it too, your hand tightens around his.
you're not quite ready to head back to your apartment just yet, because you're scared you'll lose the atmosphere surrounding the two of you. in truth, it's a bit intoxicating.
the perfect opportunity arises when you spot a small park up ahead. lights are strung around the trees, all of which are situated around a small fountain.
"we should stop at that park!" you hardly finish speaking before you take off in that direction, tugging him along behind you.
after you plop down on the fountain's ledge, sukuna takes his place beside you.
"let's sit here for a little while."
he doesn't respond and you take his silence as agreement. he's not really one to stifle his grievances.
as the minutes pass, the rush of the fountain is the only noise that fills the air, while you gaze at the trees with a serene expression.
sukuna, however, is looking at you. the only care he has for the trees is the way their lights reflect in your eyes. otherwise, he's fully occupied by the curve of your nose and the fullness of your lips.
"isn't this pretty?" you finally ask.
"it's pretty," he agrees, even when such a soft word feels foreign on his tongue.
his eyes still haven't left you, and you seem to be oblivious to this fact until he reaches up to stroke your cheek with the back of fingers.
when your gaze lands on him, the fondness written all over his face catches you off guard and you realize how close the both of you are. without really thinking about it, you lean into his touch.
"very pretty," he repeats lowly, as if he's talking to himself.
your heart lurches once in your chest, then hammers away at your ribcage without respite. he leans toward you a fraction of an inch, his eyes flicking down to your lips for a brief second.
truthfully, sukuna has never felt the way he does in this moment. it's a sincere sort of desire. he doesn't want the mindless devotion he once thirsted for from his followers. and he doesn't want the sex he used to crave from his concubines.
no. he just wants you— in whatever capacity you're willing to have him.
the way he's looking at you is just too much. there's a dull thudding in your ears and you swear your thoughts are moving at a million miles a minute.
so naturally, you blurt out the first thing you can manage. "we should take a selfie!"
his face shifts from whatever that expression was to one of confusion. "take a selfie?"
some twisted mix of relief and disappointment crashes through you.
"yeah, a selfie. a picture together. ya know, since the park is so pretty," you ramble.
he pulls away from you. not all the way, but enough that it gives you space to finally breath. he chuckles and it doesn't sound lofty like it so often does. in fact, he seems genuinely amused by you.
"a selfie," he deliberates. "that sounds great, but to the best of my knowledge, hell hasn't frozen over."
and just like that, your dynamic feels like it did during your walk from the ramen shop to the park— comfortable and fun.
"well i guess you would be one of the first to know."
ignoring his protests, you take out your phone and hold it far enough away that the camera captures both of your faces. you can see on the screen that he's put on an expression of complete boredom.
"c'mon," you nudge him with your elbow. "you look like you hate me."
the corner of his mouth curves upward. "that's because i do."
you think back on the way he was gazing at you just moments ago and laugh. "you're so full of shit."
then, without warning, you press a kiss to his cheek and click the button.
you decide that his vague look of contented surprise will just have to do.
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when you and yuuji walk into the bar, you immediately spot one of the people you're there to meet. he's sitting at a hightop by himself, his snow white hair pretty hard to miss.
you tap his shoulder and his face breaks out into a grin. he slides out of the barstool. "if it isn't my favorite civilian!"
as he pulls you into a hug, you wonder if he's ever going to get tired of that joke. "if it isn't my favorite old man."
"35 is not old," he argues, moving to greet yuuji. "i'm still in the summer of my life, thank you very much!"
"gojo you're 36," the pink haired man remarks.
"gah! such betrayal, yuuji!" he presses his hand to his forehead and takes a deep breath. "now i'm going to need another round."
"i'll go and get drinks for all of us," you offer. "you two stay here so no one takes the table."
before either of them can respond, you turn and begin making your way through the crowd. you don't hear gojo when he calls out, "but darling! i should go with you!"
he takes a step in your direction, but stops when sukuna's mouth appears on yuuji's cheek. "you certainly should not, you insufferable half wit."
"relax, dude. he flirts with literally everyone," yuuji informs him.
gojo scoffs. "i am right here—"
"as if that makes it better?" sukuna barks. "she isn't some toy to be played with."
"of course she isn't! you can't honestly think i'd believe otherwise."
gojo is left forgotten for a moment as the other two bicker, so he interjects once there's a lull in the conversation. "do either of you care to explain what the hell is going on?"
yuuji turns toward him, trying and failing to hide the embarrassment on his face once he realizes that gojo is, in fact, still standing there.
his eyebrows are raised above his sunglasses and it's clear he is inappropriately amused by the situation (what else is new?). he moves to sit across from the younger man, looking at him expectantly.
having no way to talk himself out of this, yuuji relays the recent events regarding you and sukuna, sparing some of the finer details. gojo's face doesn't really betray much emotion throughout the story, though he does look thoughtful by the end of it.
leaning forward, he crosses his arms on top of the table. "maybe your feelings for her are influencing his own, forcing a sort of bond between them?"
"i don't think so," yuuji contends honestly. "other than her, you're the person i admire and respect the most, but he thinks—"
"that you are perhaps the most imbecilic rampallion i've ever had the displeasure of coming across."
gojo jerks back, as if the insult had hit him squarely in the jaw. the look of giddiness from yuuji's compliment, followed by the shift to indignation at sukuna's insult is almost comical.
he stretches his neck forward, cupping his hand around one side of his mouth as if it'd keep sukuna from hearing. "what'd he just call me?"
yuuji shrugs. "beats me, but i don't think he was singing your praises."
"i see your point." gojo pauses, glancing over his shoulder. you're approaching the table, so he turns back to yuuji and quickly adds, "we'll talk more about this another time, but for now, keep this between us."
a few moments later, you appear in front of them and exclaim, "look who i found!"
megumi and inumaki situate themselves around the table too, offering their greetings. you slide yuuji and gojo their drinks, both of which are filled to the brim of the glass. "now then gentlemen, shall we?"
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when gojo teleports you and yuuji back to your apartment that night, it takes everything in you to keep from yakking all over your carpet.
"ta ta, hooligans!"
you turn to request that he never do that again, but he's already gone. taking one step forward, you promptly fall on your ass in the entryway with an unforgiving thud. yuuji staggers toward the couch, making it there just in time to face plant into the cushions.
looking down toward your shoes, you're dismayed to find that each one appears to have two sets of laces. you're fumbling with them determinedly when someone crouches down in front of you, their elbows resting on their thighs.
he doesn't say a word. brushing your hands away, he unties your shoes and carefully pulls them off your feet. you're lifted from the floor before you can register the arm that's looped under your knees or the other that's securely around your back.
"careful," you hiccup, your head falling into the crook of his neck. "'m gunna p-puke."
"i'd rather you didn't."
you groan. "s'not like i 'ave a choice in the matter."
he hums. "how much did you drink?"
"dunno. sss'much. nobara—" you hiccup again. "nobara n' maki made me."
he chuckles, placing you down on what you figure is your bed. "right, i'm sure you had no choice in the matter."
"tha's correct, yes."
unbuttoning your jeans, he tugs upward on your belt loops. "lift."
you do as he says, lifting your hips from the bed so he can slide your jeans off your legs. he knows you won't remember this— hell, your eyes are already closed— but he looks away as he does it anyway.
pulling your phone from your pocket and putting it on the charger, your pants are discarded off to the side. he only turns his head back in your direction once he's pulled the blankets up over your body.
"tuck me in?" you request.
sitting down on the bed beside you, he does so without protest.
he stares at you for a little while, worried about how poorly you're probably going to feel in the morning. he presses a kiss to your forehead, intending to get up and grab a water bottle for your nightstand.
instead, his body freezes when he hears you mumble, "i love you s'much."
his heart clenches so painfully, he honestly considers ripping it from his chest— it would probably be less agonizing.
but a thought that makes him feel like a fool occurs to him. of course it's not him that you love. "i'm not yuuji."
"well, duuuhhh. you're s'kuna." you're peering up at him through tired, hazy eyes. it's the first time you've ever seen him look bewildered, so a small giggle erupts from your throat. "s'okay. you don't 'ave t'say it back."
your eyes flutter shut and your breathing evens out before he even thinks to respond. all at once, it's as if his head is empty and as if it's about to explode.
love?
what does he know about love? it's a sentiment he's cursed for so long, but sitting here beside you, he can't quite seem to remember why. one thing he is sure of, however, is that there's never been a thing in the world he's loved.
suddenly, he's struck with remembrance of a quote from jane eyre you had emphasized with messy underlines:
"after a youth and manhood passed half in unutterable misery and half in dreary solitude, i have for the first time found what i can truly love—i have found you. you are my sympathy—my better self—my good angel. i am bound to you with a strong attachment. i think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wraps my existence about you, and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one."
rochester says it as he begs jane to stay at thornfield with him, an act sukuna had previously regarded as ridiculous, but is that still the case?
were you to ever scorn him, would he fall to his knees and plead with you to change your mind? or if you were in danger of dying, would he drag himself to a shrine and pray to the gods he doesn't believe in?
is that what love is?
could he stand to be apart from you? are you special to him? does anything else in the world compare to you? does he seek out your company? is he consumed by you? can he know himself without knowing you?
does the definition of love lie in those questions?
sukuna hopes not, because he's terrified of the answers. being in love is not his way, nor is it in his nature.
he buries his face in his hands as realization settles into his bones. it feels as if they're splintering beneath the pressure, trying resentfully to stave it off.
he transcends any imaginable scale of power. he's bled entire villages dry, he's commandeered death, he's the king of curses.
so why now? and why you? is it divine retribution? a sick sort of joke that even he couldn't have dreamed up?
gods, you were right. the universe has sent you to carry out its will and he's completely powerless to stop it.
the worst part of it all? he doesn't want to.
taglist: @96jnie @ay0nha @sad-darksoul @bbysatoruuu @luciiferian @thepup356 @risuola *users in bold could not be tagged
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barcaatthemoon · 3 months
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guard dog || lucy bronze x reader ||
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lucy cheers you up when the internet has it out for you.
"i think i'm gonna go lighter with my hair."
you had no idea the trouble those words were going to cause you. lucy had tried hard to keep you out of the spotlight, but it wasn't as easy as when you first started dating. you'd been with lucy since college, and over the years, fans had taken notice of you frequenting lucy's games. it wasn't until the euros, however, that lucy had finally confirmed your relationship.
it wasn't good for you to be on any social media when it felt like every other post was about you. you had dealt with a bit from fans before, but this was worse than you could have ever imagined. it was one thing to be accused of cheating by strangers, but it was the constant affirmations of things that you already thought about your relationship and yourself that got to you.
lucy was amazing, and you had never felt like you were right for her. she was always too smart or too ind for you. she was out of your league attractive. lucy bronze was too good for you, and it felt like millions of people agreed with that.
"hey, are you okay?" lucy's brows furrowed as she watched you lean forward. you were starting to hyperventilate as the world felt like it closed in on you. lucy rushed over to kneel beside you and tilt your head to look at her. "hey, what's going on?"
"i didn't cheat on you, i swear." it was something lucy already knew. you knew that she was well aware that you would never even think to do something like that, but it was all you could say. you needed to reassure her in case she saw the pictures and didn't recognize herself.
"i know that, i never said you did." lucy would have laughed if you weren't obviously so upset. "talk to me, what's going on?"
"the pictures after you got your hair done, when we met for lunch. i took your car, and they don't know what the other looked like. your hair was different, they think i'm cheating. they know that i don't deserve you," you rambled. lucy pulled you into her arms and held you against her chest. she ran her hands through your hair as she pressed gentle kisses to your temple.
"hey, it's okay. i will get this sorted out, i promise. can you go downstairs and pick out a takeout menu for us? i know that you were gonna cook, but not if you're upset. i want you to just relax for the night," lucy said. she gave you a squeeze before she let you go downstairs.
it wasn't easy, but you managed to take your mind off of everything after lucy hijacked your phone. lucy ordered your favorite takeout, even if she knew a few places that served the same thing that she liked better. you were truly pampered in a way that you hadn't been in a while. lucy was a busy woman at barcelona, not that she had ever been anything else. this was just different, and things often took up a lot more of her time than either of you expected.
"am i done with phone jail?" you asked lucy as the two of you laid out on the couch the next afternoon. lucy had helped you with breakfast in the morning, although you didn't let her lay a finger on your coffee. the two of you had spent most of the day catching up on the american sports that you had been missing out on.
"i don't know. do you promise not to make fun of me if you see anything too sappy?" lucy asked you. she looked a bit ashamed of herself, as if she had done something hastily last night. you knew that lucy could be fiercely protective over you. she had nearly beaten up one of her teammates when the two of you moved here and the girl had gotten too friendly with you for lucy's taste.
"that depends on what you did. lucy please tell me that you didn't say anything to get yourself in trouble." you stared at lucy, who just handed you back your phone. she tried to shift away from you, but you threw your weight down more securely on top of her. you opened up instagram to see that lucy had tagged you in a post. "aw baby."
you swiped through the pictures, each one from a different milestone in your relationship. they weren't necessarily your favorite pictures, but you knew that they were lucy's. there wasn't a single one where one of you didn't have a lovestruck look on your faces. most of them were lucy staring at you, but you definitely took note of the few thrown in where you looking at her like she was your everything.
"shut up," lucy grumbled. you looked at her with fresh tears in your eyes, and lucy just sighed to herself. "fuck, this wasn't supposed to make you cry."
"i love you so much," you said as you cupped her cheeks. lucy let you kiss her, but she tried to hide her face immediately once you were done. "you're so sweet. thank you for this."
"just stay off of twitter for a while," lucy told you. you nodded your head, but as soon as you went into one of your text chains with the few of her teammates you had befriended over the years, you saw what she wanted to hide from you. lucy was a woman of few words most of the time, but when she had something to say, she made sure to get her point across. you thought she was being a bit harsh, but lucy's message was sure to shut everybody up about getting at you.
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